Son of a Boy Dad - BOY STORY NOLA | Son of a Boy Dad #273 ft. KB & Nick

Episode Date: February 6, 2025

BOY STORY NOLA | Son of a Boy Dad #273 ft. KB & Nick -- #Ad: Download the Gametime app today and use code BOYDAD to easily score great deals with Gametime Picks! -- #Ad: Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app and use code BOYDAD. GAMBLING PROBLEM? CALL 1-800-GAMBLER, [phone] or visit gamblinghelplinema.org (MA). Call 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY). Please Gamble Responsibly. 888-789-7777/visit ccpg.org (CT), or visit www.mdgamblinghelp.org (MD). 21+ and present in most states. (18+ DC/KY/NH/WY). Void in ONT/OR/NH. Eligibility restrictions apply. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino & Resort (KS). 1 per new customer. Min. $5 deposit. Min. $5 bet. Max. $200 issued as non-withdrawable Bonus Bets that expire in 7 days (168 hours). Stake removed from payout. Terms: dkng.co/dk-offer-terms. Ends 2/9/25 at 11:59 PM ET. Sponsored by DK. -- Follow us on our socials: https://linktr.ee/sonofaboydad -- Merch: https://store.barstoolsports.com/collections/son-of-a-boy-dad -- SUBSCRIBE TO THE YOUTUBE #SonOfABoyDad #BarstoolSportsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey son of a boy dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. Yeah, dude, that breaks me. I did a rundown. Gambling problem call 1-800 gambler in New York call 8778 open wire text open why four six seven three six nine in Connecticut help is available for problem gambling call eight eight eight seven eight nine Seven seven seven seven or visit ccpg.org

Please play responsibly on behalf of Boothill Casino and resort in Kansas 21 and over agent eligibility varies by jurisdiction Void in Ontario. New customers only. Bonus beds expire 168 hours after issuance. For additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see dkng.co slash audio. They were like, we didn't record it. So I just had to do the rundown.

Oh lord. Did you recook the same jokes? Yeah. The only way. Shall we? Yes, yes, yes. Well, what's who's whose are we doing first? Doesn't matter. It really doesn't does it. It's going to be the same thing. Alrighty, welcome back to the Son of a boy dad slash anus podcast

We are here live from New Orleans Yeah And before we say anything go see Francis and fights in DC this weekend. Oh wait is also all doubt also Help them out Wow I'm gonna be in Boston though. Yeah, so swing by the hometown shows do you go crazy? We'll see Because when I return to Pittsburgh, it's fucking it's chaos. It's crazy. What are we talking like ticker tape? It's it's damn near free beers, half filled the optimist in me. Roney ever returned to Allentown being they do are doing a fucking the pick and roll.

We were hitting a little bit of a red, uh, little, Allentown. Me and they do, we're doing the fucking, the pick and roll. We were hitting a little bit of a reg, a little, little two man game up at the laugh factory in Allentown, it was sick. I've never been to Allentown, honestly. You ever been out there? No, I don't know anyone who has. You don't know anybody that's ever been to Allentown?

Is there a song about it? There was even here in Allentown. Yeah. You know? That's cause all there was to do was to write that song. Allentown. Yeah. You know, that's because all there was to do was to write that song downtown. And then at the time they're like, I guess we'll write. I guess we'll try and be productive while we're here. Boring ass man's name to name a town after. Alan. Alan. I

mean, we live right next to fucking Gary. It's not even Gary town. What is it? Gary. Gary, Indiana. Gary, Indiana. Yeah. You're not hip to Gary? No no I'm not hip at all like the worst town damn there's there's two crumbled town it's so crumbled yeah it's nasty Freddie Gibbs from there Michael Jackson from there I think the Jackson squad Gibbs is from there yeah from Gary there's two battle rappers really there's two battle rappers named Jeff like that's their rap name but not Jeff you just gonna pop on a show says no I wanted to

press yes so you can watch these highlights in the background and just zone out yeah it's something to have on there's two guys for the best and I'll have it on no it's fine it's highlights but there's two guys named Jeff and one of them he is not even really named Jeff his Swedish guy he just thought that was like a cool American name to go by. What are the Swedish names that you would need to come up with a new name for moving to Sweden to America? There's some pretty sweet Swedish like those they're like three V's in a row. Iceland it's like you every word is all it's mostly V's.

Their street signs are really long. Yeah. Just because out of necessity. It's like not like the when I remember when I was in Iceland, it's not like when it's not like some of my friends and like my friends, Bo and Matt, we were I remember like it's not even one of those. It's not even like the words that you can like read and like Pronounce properly It's not like we know you know you read something in Spanish. You know like I don't know what it means

But I can read it yeah, right like this is like it's like you don't even know what they're getting at I mean the one I can say is just Reykjavik, which is impossibly hard as yeah, that's their easy. That's their Gary. Yeah Reykjavik, yeah It's insane there on that's a crazy place they have a disproportionate amount of like star musicians Iceland Yeah, they do who's that one yet. They got right now Iceland is smaller than Allentown. It probably is 200,000 They got the monsters and men Men, Bjork. Yeah, yeah Bjork. Oh Monsters and Men is Iceland? Yeah and I love them. They're great. Little Talks. Yeah. They're Iceland too? No, no, Little Talks is their first song. They're a big song.

Trying to fit in. No way, I love them. I love them. I love little talks. Oh god I seek your approval so much. I didn't care about Bjork or Weiss and Mad but little talks man. They're so fucking good. They're so sick. We all just had lunch together. KB put us on to the grass-fed shrimp. Yeah you've got so much grass-fed shrimp. That's, they're torturing them. Yeah that I was be that was like a funny joke I played is asking the waiter for Grass-fed shrimp. I thought it was really funny. You guys all laugh I'm still thinking about it that because I'm picturing them taking the shrimp out of the water to like feed it land grass

Stay I couldn't tell you what shrimp eat though. It's gotta be poop right? It's gotta be like amoebas. Amoebas and poop. They gotta be bottom feeders no? Bugs and shit. I don't like thinking about it. I don't like seeing them. I've been stuffed in my face with seafood too and I'm not a fish guy.

Really? Yeah but one in the Big Easy you know. What dude? He's right. One of the big easy. He's right. Shrimp is good. The bugs in water, the bugs in water are gross. I didn't realize how many bugs like in like you ever go swimming in like a river. Yeah, there's just discuss thousands of bugs just flowing in between. Like, have you ever been in the Ohio the Ohio River now dude. It's more solid than liquid Like if you ran fast enough you could it's like that one shit. You can make with like the fucking flower Dude no joke my friend made the news he was in the creek and he found a prescription bottle and he opened it up

It was a thumb yeah, I remember that Yeah, that was obviously the headline and then like there was like a there was like a decade straight where you couldn't eat the fish you catch because they just like they had both male and female genitalia like the poison in the water was like turning them it was given that's insane male fish yes he's and you might be eating a dick you might be eating a fish dick oh it's a good like you're gonna snag something it. You might be eating a fish dick. It's a good, like you're going to snag something. It's not going to be like a fish, but you're like, I caught like a garage sale once.

So you're going to get items. Yeah. I caught like, you know how Google does those images that are incomprehensible by the human. I caught one of those once. Couldn't tell what it was. Indecipherable image. I put it in my net and I got a nosebleed from

Yeah, Blattman retweeted that he went viral off of just a picture of that What is this he nabbed it They say that if you swim in the East River that you You that like something what will swim up your penis hole. I think I just read that same factoid, yeah. That water looks like multivitamin piss. Yeah. It's like.

It glows a bit. Yeah. There's one in like, fuck, I forget where it is. It's like somewhere between the border of the United States and Mexico. There's some river that apparently like immigrants will try and like swim up to get across the border and Apparently they just all die like all

Like it's like apparently it's like the most toxic water they have eyes soon as they swim in it It's just you're just swimming in like shit in like nuclear waste That'll do it probably yeah Those poor guys. I think they pick the rivers that they're gonna do that to the coyote knows There's probably just a coyote a sharp-ass coyote. Yeah, I don't know how you get into being a coyote Major no no I just meant oh no I meant like how do you think they pick the rivers like the Ohio River like who do you think the first person was? To decide like we're gonna turn this into trash. I think it was just everything they built next to it. Yeah

Yeah, yeah, these like the East River like one person threw a body in and they were like, I guess we're just everything they built next to it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah the East like the East River like One person threw a body in and they were like, I guess we're just gonna all start bodies here. Yeah It's the dirty dirty river policy. It's a broken window policy once you start started going but some countries are still pooping in rivers Yeah, I'm not gonna say which No, India India No India India Back Pakistan I Think they're like yeah, they say yes, we do they're not like yeah No, yeah, that's where there's the one festival in India where they throw shit dude Have you ever yeah have you ever had Indian food and tried to shit in a toilet like the shit rejects the porcelain?

What the fuck is this? That's my turd talking. What the fuck you look down, it's just hovering above. It's more perfectly balanced vertical. I like the ships and arrival. Smooth as or just spinning centrifugal motion until it hits sand. This can't be racist because no one's ever thought of that before. Yeah, that's right. That's the rule of firsts. You're the first one to it.

There's nothing nasty or racist about it. I don't think there's American Rivers that people are pooping in though All right, or maybe there are that people are dumping in there's those funny dudes that'll like do a cannonball as they're popping a turd Yeah What what crew is that there's a funny guy? Yeah, they're like they're serious pussy-getters the dudes are the like the dudes are the least shot about put shit and get the most chicks It's crazy hundred percent girls Loki like it. Yeah That means that they can drop their big stinky turds around that person. Yeah, it's it opens up the flood. Yeah in

Westchester, Pennsylvania after jackass came out. There was like a bunch of sub jackass communities that popped up I mean obviously like on YouTube there was like a bunch of like you know same thing Jackass 2.0. People couldn't really capture the charm though even like celebrities like Jimmy Kimmel after Jackass came out was trying to do shit like that but he was he would just like thrust on women that were looking through binoculars in New York. Actually that's what he was doing. Yeah.

You've seen that video of him with like the banana. Yeah. He's just like a humping a girl. Yeah, it was like, oh, like they saw Jackass. They're like, we could do that better. Yeah. We go with Jimmy Fallon. Yeah.

Was it founder? We're going to get your cock out. Get your cock involved in the Tonight Show. Yeah. It should be like Justin Tucker. Yeah. That was a prank back then. Yeah. Well, who else? Oh, Peyton Manning.ning? Oh, he was farting on she asked he asked his trainer

Just to just hold it or squeeze. No, he put his ass on her. He put it. Yeah. Oh, he just put it on Yeah fart on her I think he like came over something on to her like he she was like bent over and he like I Think summited a wall and landed his ass on her or something. I could be wrong. I don't have enough ass to like Just slide right off. Yeah, it's like right. You can't land your ass on anything Yeah, the reaction would be more like it that hurts. Could you get off of me? The sharp ass? Yeah, I hate even I actively avoid not seeing my ass. Yeah. Yeah, I don't try try not to see it I try I don't really catch a good glimpse of mine that often but sometimes I'll be in like a hotel and there'll be a mirror

Behind the mirror. I'm looking at oh Yeah, yeah, you catch a full glimpse of your ass and you're like, oh my god straight on. Yeah I know you have a little Yoko Ono crack No, I got a guy got a big crack yeah, but's dogly like it's an ugly I got an ugly butt What do you mean is like like look at yours and it looks like if you opened it up like spider like cobwebs would be Like a big thing of dust would shoot out big thing. Yeah No bullshit. I have my asshole is offset left. No way and I'm glad you found that out Asshole is offset left no way, and I'm glad you found that out

So wait do you have to have an askew like is if whenever I take a dump There's like the the dump the stain is on the left Do you know like there's those kids that have like one leg long or the other and they have to have a shoe with the big Yeah, you have like one side of your like toilet seat real wide I have a curved toilet so I can hit the middle of it Real why? Toilet it's nasty I try I just I hate seeing my naked body sometimes in hotels There's the wall behind the toilets just all mirrors all the POV of you pissing you just look at yourself piss. Yeah, not good Yeah, I don't like seeing myself naked either and I don't have a mirror at home that goes below my shoulders.

No, he's what? He doesn't. He really doesn't. I'll be like, things are going well. And then I'll go on the road on the weekend and I'll be like, oh my God, I didn't even know how fat I got. One of the worst ones is like a mirror on the back of a Bathroom door that faces the toilet

So if you're like especially if you're like ass naked shit, and then the door you like close the door to just like a picture Of you dead on it's just your whole body to watch yourself wipe Yeah, you have to That's the most vulnerable moment it is it is when I was just in there wiping I was terrified one of you guys were gonna walk in on someone. I swear if I saw any of you guys wiping I would be Damaged what I feel about you. I've you're a loud wiper. Yeah, it's like Sounds like cogs rusty cogs. I'm just like, I'm just trying to just scratch my ass. Yeah.

Like a crumbled ball. And unless the, I don't want to like clean it, I just want to like pleasure it. You go up and down with the same? Like turn my toilet paper into like a loofah and just scratch it. That's like exactly. I've seen your, like, yeah.

Your like hand gets like vain because you're squeezing it so hard you're going so fast. Because I have RI3. And all I want to do is just all right three rectal it's like the third version one we're like you know tolerable three is almost pleasurable it's like it feels so good so it seems like a bear on the tree yeah like you gotta get some every time you wipe the most DMS I ever get to this day are dudes asking me for like what product do I use, which is Panacura.

Really? Yeah, because I've got a lot of dudes suffer from it. What about Witch Hazel? I haven't heard about Witch Hazel. Witch Hazel do wonders. I got a jug of it in my... Well, Panacura is the top ranked. It has like 9.7K ratings.

But what if you want to go natural, what if you want to go crunchy with it? What if you want to go natural? If you want to go crunchy with it. To go natural. Tell me about witch hazel. Well, I don't know if witch hazel is necessarily natural. Witch hazel, isn't it naturally occurring? Is it like a root? Oh, it might be.

I don't know. What did you think it was from a witch's cauldron? I didn't know what it was. What do you think the ingredients are? I looked up how to cure my asshole when everyone was like, use witch hazel. You have Ri32? No, I have hemorrhoids.

Oh yeah. I beat those somehow. Yeah dude. This is like mine. It'll suck back in after a while. They go in and then then one did like one flight. I'll take one flight in their back. He said he was playing whack a mole with them.

Oh yeah. Oh I just started playing video games and I did like a 10 hour session with mook and uh, not mook with Rudy and white socks day. Yeah, and the next day it was like it looked like a bag of nerds gummy clasps That's exactly what it's like the mirror. I have a mirror on the ground Or you can see without even opening your asshole Yeah, it was crawling out My ass has like buck teeth It is brutal dude, I was like there was like a like recently it was like I had like a two-week spam where I like

Couldn't leave the house without prep H on hand. Oh, yeah Those are good under eye bags, too I thought yeah, I was gonna use that but then I was like this feels weird. That's true. Yeah, it just shrinks tissue Really? Yeah, what's panicura do the same thing is it like panicura? It makes it sound like it's a cure for everything Yes, just like pansexuals like you're attracted everything. It's like this organ pink Goo that like burns and cools and almost numbs the the itch it works very well So and I always I never tell people when they ask me it is panicura, and it's like gooey pink Yeah, like organ pink. What does it do or what I'd imagine like?

Organ looks like The color like an intestine and intestinal test. I think do you um Does this this is only for itchy asshole? It's a panic here. It sounds like could you use it for him like have you ever used? It's a panic here. It sounds like could you use it for him like have you ever used? We use the prep H spray no Dude, no well. How the hell can you even spray your own asshole you know how I? Just have my like really yeah attachment that looks like an oxygen mask you can pop down there. I just can't miss

That's the only that's the only hemorrhoid thing I've ever used that's like instant relief The second you press the spray. It's like It's like sizzling. There's a reaction your nut sack like you're You pull up your nuts act. I just stand and I go to like touch my toes. I wrap around. Wrap around. Caught. Oh, brutal. Yeah. You're like this.

Yeah. And then you go on, you go like that. Yeah, exactly like that. Is the relief almost worth the pain of it? It is almost. Yeah. How many tubes do you go through like a month? No, I don't use it that much because it works so well and you only need a little

bit. You have it. it you you bring it to Noah I didn't because I don't really need it that much and yeah you think you're wiping technique is what cost it yeah and I was like listening to Stern and like an old episode and he said yeah it's over wiping yeah I don't want to under wipe I feel like well I feel like you said you're moving it up and down like I am I'm wearing the down bring the poop up bring the poop down and so am I your massage again in yeah my I'm just like eating your seating my shit. Yeah, I'm not getting rid of the shit It's it's you're moving it from one place to another right. That's how like I clean my room

Yeah, just like it's like when I spill like how I clean that is how I clean my room But in corners It's like what I do when I get like powdered I clean that is how I clean my room But in corners, yeah, it's like what I do when now I get like powdered sugar on my pants I do that. That's how I wipe to though Like I'll go like I'll go you've said like you've shit on your back Well, yeah, that's when I have diarrhea, but I'll go I'll go front to back like ten times or so Obviously swapping out to a fresh fresh roll So wait you go front back with same or no front to back, but then at the end I'll go in and I'll just

DJ yeah, yeah, exactly just rough it up a little bit What about some dude wipes? Yeah, I've dabbled with those. I'll get you right right away. Yeah, they do where you don't have to do this. Yeah But then something yeah, my plumbing is stuffed with dude Poor plumbing only they knew when they created the aqueducts that we'd be throwing fucking dryer sheets down there. Yeah full cotton swabs Who did they find out who was pooping in your guys's office? We think it was a plumbing issue. It just spit it back up so it was everybody's

combined so we I mean we got down to like Let me a prime suspect which I feel bad because yeah, but things turned It was like a cool anthropological study because things turned tribal really quickly Oh, yeah, like cuz like as soon as like people heard there was somebody who's been taking nasty shits They like plucked off the weakest and we're like it was him And there was nothing he could do Public who was no Do you just stand so you guys do a public who was no no?

Nick is protecting them right now. It was a dude though. Yeah. Yeah, who's the men's bathroom? Good good place for a girl to shit the perfect crime. Oh wow it's a great place for a girl to shop I night women shitter Interesting yeah, yeah, no it was on tent no sales sales Yeah, no Yeah, and explains why they never sell any of our shit. I know login. Yeah, it's constantly Dutch turds yeah on company time the Dutch We haven't had a single clock toilet in New York honestly in the last year. Yeah, don't you need people to? Yeah The cleaning people don't even come in your club or any vids I'm sure are

really piling yeah we I can't even the upstairs bathroom gets a little stinky sometimes sales and the nature of the band yeah those are really that's a little sticky people that are there it had to have been nerve-wracking to be barstool beef his first week and then all the toilets are clogged Yeah, oh my god Everyone must but even the fact that you were willing to say his name makes us know it definitely wasn't him. Yeah, it wasn't him Legend I'm sure he has the capabilities Yeah, Clemmer got sucked down the second floor toilet like a pipe cleaner. That's right. That's right. Take the elevator back up, dude

Yeah, he looked like Augustus gloute going through the plumbing yeah he magic school bus out of there Clemmer can like magic school bus without having to shrink he doesn't miss Frizzle list he just crawled inside somebody and I've been none the wiser he was swimming in the East River he went up my dick hole fish and they say like he had his nose is hooked enough to where it would you can't pull him out Some fish have weirdly Human facial features. Yeah, don't love that. There's some there's a there's one fish that has like human teeth. Yeah Yeah, like sexy lips the fish with the human teeth is the none other than the bronzino

Yeah, it's got like puke, like man. Yeah, chompers nasty. Looks like Compton. Yeah. Yeah. For your post post. Post. Yeah. Yeah. All right, guys, let's take a second and talk about our good friends over at Game Time. Game Time, the official ticketing partner of Barstool Sports. You know how much we love Game Time, of course.

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if you're using game time picks. I've even seen Francis on the game time app. You can really go pop on there. You know, that's that's real Sass. Oh, yeah. Francis is on there. Yeah. And I mean, you should be too, honestly, we need to get your picks on or your your ticks on the GT picks segment. So what are you waiting for? If you want to go to the big time game, or if you want to go see Sass or Francis now you can get tickets with game time picks down the game time app today and use go boy dad to easily score great Tickets with a new game time picks feature. What time is it? game time I knew you knew

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Those are cool. I can't believe that exists. I forget what they're called, but I think they're really... Angel fish? Angler fish? I don't know. Angler fish? That fish had to be going back to church. Yeah. I think they're a lot smaller than you'd think.

Angler? They look so disgusting when they come up to... When they die just because of the pressure that they're used to. Oh yeah, what do they explode? Yeah, pretty much they expand I think but how does that how did that? Evolutionarily work like how did they get the whole stick to come out and be a light in front of them? It's really awesome right where did it start? What's the one the horseshoe crab never evolved? It's been like perfect since it was made. It's the only thing that's never had to change. That's so badass.

I don't really understand how that works though. So what if, like right now, what if humans need to change? I think we're in the process always. So we're very, very slowly evolving something. Like what will we need? I think we're going to drop off toes. I think toes will wind up being obsolete. So like in like 100 years from now,

like will people be getting along without? Longer than that. What about like the appendix? Like appendix has already been proven to be useless if they used to mean something though Yeah, yeah, exactly So like what like a hundred years are people can getting born without just no appendix probably a hundred years It makes it sound so funny that why people would not have like toes in like maybe like two hundred thousand Yeah, we're thinking higher Get it now go over what we're saying. Sass is kid.

What's your you have an appendix, Dad? You're so old. That's how quickly evolution. You're so old. You have an appendix. Get a load of this guy. Grandfather's just an ape. get a load of this guy grandfather's just an ape. Sass years my great grandfather was like a great grandfather was a tad pole. Dude, a hundred years, do we really have to go to grandpa in the middle of the fucking jungle for's for Christmas I don't want to go through my hair again I want to eat the bugs out of my hair you know he loves it

oh pop pop's tail Merry Christmas pop pop and fucking banana yeah like cautious he takes it yeah the walk back the step back that they do is so so fun. It's always on defense. But they're always preparing for the worst. Yeah, it's good. We were talking about that for a year. We were talking about the level of like National Guard and police that they

have here. Like whatever they're preparing for is not just like. The most armed forces in Burma. Every National Guard serviceman has like three guns. Yeah. They're like General Grievous. Yes. That's chill. You're acting like the alligators are gonna come to shore.

There's something that we don't know that, cause I was at dinner with my girlfriend on like the patio and we like, my cup started rumbling, like Jurassic Park, because I was at dinner with my girlfriend on the patio and my cup started rumbling like Jurassic Park and there was two tanks and there was like a dude leaning out with the fucking like, war is hell face paint. He had war is hell written on his helmet. Even like the non-armed force, there's like people stumbling around like Burbage Street that looked like they've been victims of something long-standing and heinous. They just escaped.

Uniformed? No, like people that like just escaped being kidnapped. Oh, civilians. Yeah. Yeah. There's a lot of nastiness going around. Interesting place. Like a high school, public high school hallway.

There was no set dress code. Someone just got bullied. Someone's coming out of a locker. Yeah. Yeah, it is an interesting, it's very... Do you like it so far, Sas? Have you, I know you say every city is exactly the same. Do you find any uniqueness in this city? No. No, not really. To be honest, it's the most unique place in America by far. Yeah, it doesn't feel like we're in the United States. I feel like, I mean, the area that we're staying in feels definitely unique, but this area feels like Chicago. Right.

Yeah. Does it not feel exactly like walking around like Lincoln Park in Chicago? Oh, it's pretty different, I think. Really? Like a quieter area of Lincoln Park? Yeah, yeah. That's exactly what it reminded me of when we were just walking up from there. Yeah, I think all residential sprawl is about the same.

But like the city center. I think Canal Street where we're on kind of separates the French part from like a more Americanized part. I see. So classically, I think if you just go the other way on French Street, have you gone down Bourbon Street at all? I did just the night that we were,

when we went to dinner. Yeah. Dude, you were saying, it made me laugh, everybody's questioning why you're here, and people are just like, where's your show? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. They don't know you're here for Barstool. Yeah, yeah, everyone, multiple people came out to me,

and they're like, you're doing a show here, when's the show? Crazy coincidence. Yeah, now I'm here for the same thing you are. You could've done something last night. I feel like if you popped out with a dozen, and just did like 30, that's your kind of crowd. What's the biggest crowd you've performed for?

Not a lot, like 400, 450. That's a lot. Yeah, but I mean, like what was the dozen last night? It was over a thousand. So it's double. Yeah, it was probably double that. Yeah. Yeah, but you would have crushed for that.

I mean, people were asking. People were asking where you were. They would have loved it. Who was asking that. I mean people were asking. People were asking where you were for Sass. Who was asking that? The people in the crowd. Front row. Really? They were like, we would have loved to come and see Sass this weekend. Oh, direct quotes. Unfortunately, they didn't get to. We'll have to buy tickets. We could probably put something together for you last second. That would be fun. I would actually do that, but I don't think we would be able to do that. Why? Because it's, I'm assuming everything that has, I'm assuming most venues are probably

booked through the week. Yeah, this is like the biggest event. Yeah. I don't know. There might be, I think there might be wiggle room. I think Shane's doing a private show. Yeah? Yeah. From PMT?

No, no. This guy I was talking to at the dozen last night, we like own clubs. Oh, really? Yeah. And he was like, yeah, like Shane's doing a private show, doesn't like own clubs. Oh really yeah, and He was like yeah like Shane's doing a private show, but you can't go I was like all right What the fuck yeah, would you ever do like a private show for like investors? No no? Big enough to do oh you mean like a plug a oh I so you mean like a corporate yeah Is that what Shane's doing no? I don, I don't know exactly what it is. He's probably just doing some sort of like secret show. Yeah. I would bet that it's a corporate gig that's probably like a Bud Light thing that's paying him a half million dollars.

That's very well be it. Could be that. I would do corporate gigs. I mean I know how everyone says that they're just the worst of the worst, but you get paid so much. Is it worse than cruise ship? Yeah, I think so. Wow. I think cruise ships actually sometimes gonna have like pretty good shows yeah but don't they just keep you like under like below deck yeah can't you're not allowed to mingle and they'd like you can only eat like whatever they bus yeah that sounds like a last resort gig like I need somewhere to live for the next week Yeah, I guess I'll do this cruise ship gig Yeah

Yeah, I don't think the talent the level of talent on cruise ships I was at an open mic one time and I saw like someone who said they were doing cruise They just got off a cruise ship. It's pretty bad. It's pretty rough. This woman like a 50 year old woman Interesting was all right open bike check pretty tough way to judge people though that's true do you still do them no but like if I went and did one out bomb nobody's listening yeah no no one cares you think you definitely would what if it was a really good if it was I mean it was a good one with a real crowd I would do well but if it was just

other comedians yeah other open mic comed. You should put on like a fake prosthetic, big nose and like some people don't know you and then still bomb. So actually it was me. Actually, I said, yeah, the whole time. Doesn't change how the jokes work. I got you this, my brother. I know, I saw you grab it. It's theirs. Southern Jewish experience. Yeah. It's just people just like yelling at you the whole time. The southern Jewish experience. Just throwing pennies at you.

What's the difference between the northern Jewish experience and the southern? I'd imagine the northern is probably a little better. Yeah, they have their own communities. They've seen it before. It's got to be like what, 0.5% in the south? It has to be. It's got to be low.

Especially Louisiana. Not a good place for a Jew to live, you think? No. I feel like they're like more accepting here like there. I Don't know. I don't think I've met anyone who that's actually that actually lives here yet Yeah, like everyone that even the people on the street everyone walking on the street has like passes and shit for stuff Like it seems like everyone's here for the Super Bowl. Yeah, I haven't seen any civilians other than the homeless. The homeless.

Yeah, it has been empty. The city has been weirdly empty. I think it still is only Wednesday. What are some like southern Jewish things? Hala cornbread. Deep-fried matzo balls. Yeah, I don't know. Gafilta fish? Like, Gafilta crawfish? You know, the catfish? I had catfish down here one time. I don't love how catfish tastes.

Have you had catfish? It tasted like, it tasted sandy. It tasted like- Yeah, all they eat is muck. Yeah, it tasted like, physically like the floor of a river. I didn't even know people ate catfish until recently Oh, yeah, but it's so black brothers and sisters. Yeah in the south. It's so big our black brothers and sisters Love it. I believe oh they've ever had it. I think I have I'm still I don't even know how to discern fish flavors yet Really? I don't really but I just I it all the time I think just white salmon I love tilapia I love halibut I love snapper I love pizza it's just good man

that chef told us that tilapia is not real everyone's starting rumors like that what do you mean it's not really in sea basses in Chilean that's not a rumor that's a patas That's true That's the Patagonian toothfish. Yes, it was not bronzino then okay circle back Okay, so that's a different sea bass bronzino is European bass. That's Patagonian Argentina, but these bass huh these are types of bass Patagonian toothfish isn't a bass, but they call it Chilean sea bass

I think it's not more up to make it sound because no one was buying it Interesting, but doesn't eat like a bass. How's your transition from a little sass to Harry Settle been good? Yeah. Yeah strong. I Like it and you're brave still everywhere I go the the host at the clubs like so should I say Harry Settle or sometimes they'll they'll say both okay I'm like no it's just Harry Settle has there been threats on your family ever since people found out what your surname was now my sister's like LinkedIn like interactions will go up like 5,000% yeah that's the horniest move it's very odd sing on this organization yeah someone posted like a

picture of my little sister in our reddit what and my little sister's like 16 so what what and the person that's bad deleted it luckily I'm the moderator he is the model you are but he'll also like he'll ban anybody that even says positive stuff about me and Francis there'll be times when we're like, oh, yo, Ron and Francis carry the same stuff. Ron appreciation posts. The patriarch of the show has been absolutely crushing him. He's going to be a great daddy. I do get like... Let's hear it for our guy. All the upvotes for our Ron. I don't really ban people often. I'll delete stuff like occasionally, very very occasionally

No, I've had like there's been negative stuff about like you guys and I've hit up like I've hit them I've had you guys up and you want me to delete this and it's always not me it Francis I didn't want to say Francis, but yeah Yeah Opportunity to tell them what they said. No, no, I'm on. Hey Francis, 13 people today said kill yourself. I can go through, it would take a while to delete them all, but I'll get rid of them. Or you want to just delete yourself.

I think it was when he was getting divorced, there was a bunch of people that were like, you know, the Barstool fans, like, they want to know everything. Yeah. So they're like all just making these wild assumptions, and I was like, do you want me to take this down? And he was like, no. The mental gymnastics of some of those things are hilarious oh yeah like like coming up with like full plots like like for people that you do yeah it's crazy but that's what people like you like drama that's the world we signed up for dude people speculating on rig salary it whatever you're thinking salary. It's higher than you think. It's double it. Double it.

Yeah. And then double it again. Then add a zero. It's not enough and it's not enough. He's rolling in it. He could be the next CEO. Honestly, you think so? I think so.

You've been saying that for a while though. I'm trying to speak it into existence. I'm cozy up to him. I'm trying to cozy up to him so I could speak it into existence. Riggs cottage HQ. Or just like a C-suite retreat to Riggs cottage. Oh my god. And we all play around. Right on the links. Oh my god. Such a perfect spot for a retreat. Kind of feels like we're like in like a we're at like a retreat right now. Yeah it's nice empty apartment. It feels like we're like in like a we're at like a retreat right now. Yeah, it's nice empty apartment

It feels like a recovery. Yeah Yeah No art really on the walls except for like some random colors. Yes, this is it's just kind of Purple that's square. There was artists that that's there's that's their whole style. That's yeah Not PA Mondrian it is Rothko Rothko did something like that. Um Shit, I just remember there being a black square. Yeah Yeah, there's a bunch of Rothko fans on Instagram those my

Intellectual ass that was my first thought. Oh was a bunch of Rothko fans on Instagram. That was my intellectual ass. That was my first thought. Oh, you guys are in Rothko too? Finally. Finally, we can speak about it. I'm ending my silence on my love for Rothko too. Damn. Yeah, I like the move to Harry Saddle.

Yeah, me too. Do you feel like you resisted it for too long? No, not at all. You think you did it? That was the perfect time. That was the perfect time. Why? Because that's when I did it. Yeah. Who told you who was the most influential? Was it your manager? No it was me. And what was the impetus? Well I didn't like having to, I didn't care about headline like when I go on the road to headline I don't care they could bring me up by any name. It doesn't matter to me. They're all, they'll know who they're there to see.

Oh, you're saying like when you got introduced at the stand. But like going to clubs, like, like in doing showcases. Like I remember I was at the comedy store and I was doing a spot and it's like me in the green room and then like 20 other comedians reading line up being like, who the fuck is Lil Sasquatch? And then I gotta be like, that's actually me. I'm him.

Over here. Yeah. And they're like, oh. No, that's what they do. They're like, you're not black. Oh, they thought Lil Sasquatch would be black? Well, then how do they even say who the fuck is Lil Sasquatch if they're expecting a black guy on the other end of it?

I don't know. If you were just Sasquatch? No, I guess. Yeah, there's a lot of white dudes with stage names. Yeah. Carrot Top. Carrot Top. Theo Von.

Yeah. But that's like a abbreviation. That's like a shorter. What's his real name? It's a long ass name. Theo Von D is his real name. Was married to Marilyn Manson. Larry the Cable Guy? Yeah. Jeff. Who else? Ron D is his real name. Was married to Marilyn Manson.

Larry the Cable Guy? Yeah. Jeff Foxworthy? Ron White? Yeah, I guess you're right. Yeah, there's not a lot. Black, there's so many black comedians with stage names. I love how black comedy influencers,

we were talking about this like name themselves Like if I were a black comedy influence, I'd be Nikki make you laugh I respect their confidence. Yeah, that's exactly what it is. Yeah. Yeah every time I have like I'm black What's Drew skis Drew's too funny But that's a lot of pressure Harry got him rolling Belly laugh for your money back Harry I mean Earthquake does really like suggests that you're gonna be laughing so fucking hard. Yeah, I think that's the whole point, right? Yeah.

To be like the room's gonna be shaking because you're about to be laughing so hard. I did Pittsburgh the day after earthquake and I was just performing in debris. Yeah. He crushed. They're just aftershocks. Yeah. Still remember what he said. Dude, there was like people like rescue dogs digging people out of the rubble.

Comedy fans in tin foil blankets. Fuck, I went after earthquake. Earthquake was here last night. What happened? 90% of my tickets were FEMA. Wiping like soot off your face, walking out of the fucking improv. Oh, fuck.

Your ears are ringing. Help! Anybody! Where's my wife? Has anyone seen this girl? Walking out of an earthquake show like it's a fucking terrorist attack. Digging for your daughter. So disorienting.

I marked myself safe on Facebook. I Did a show one time in a fucker was I Atlanta maybe and there was little sass in Atlanta is You were lying But uh Now we're I was doing a show in Atlanta and there was great It was a great show and I remember like the ho I think this was Atlanta might have been somewhere else But the host had to go up No, it was it was in Cincinnati. This was recently it was in Cincinnati and like the host had to go up after and be like

Lori Please call your daughter. She's trying to get in touch with you. I'm gonna be like anyways guys. Thanks for coming out Hope you guys had a great night That's I guess this like ladies what daughter like called the club being like we need to get in touch with my mom. Oh It was like it was like a pretty really uncalled pretty weird way to end the show It was a great show and then it ends with someone being like well I guess that person has like some sort of emergency to attend to do you have a contingency plan set up if Everybody's amber alerts go off in the crowd. No, but I sure wasn't me. Yeah

That would be my life. That would go crazy. That would be doing Madison Square Garden. Yeah. You should set it up, honestly. We should do a staging. We should do a staging. Yeah.

You could work that out. Yeah. The next person that gets that, that'll be the next huge viral comic. Oh yeah. But you have to plant people in the audience and they kind of flash mob it out. Plant? Yeah, then you gotta plant like a Child and yeah

Yeah That was me now that I have your attention Yeah, no crush. Oh, man. I've never seen a real amber alert on us. Or actually, I got a couple on the phone. I turned them off. Really? Yeah. Yep. Yeah.

You did that. You did that tick tock about it, right? Yeah. Yeah. That was hilarious. Going through the settings. It was like you were the green screen behind you, right? Yeah.

It was me like showing you how to do it. I was just like being creepy. That's so fucking funny. But I'm not helping look for somebody I Mean like if it goes off. I'm not gonna keep my eyes peeled I guess I'll like it all it does is scare me reminds me of the evil in this world Yeah, I'm obsessed with a citizen app. I pay for it really yeah Because I download you if you pay for it Do you see more alerts?

You see more or allowed to see the faces of the pedophiles. They enjoy them if you don't because I yeah, I did it I downloaded it. I downloaded it in New York and there was like nothing and I was like, there's just no I'm like I'm hearing sirens right now. Why is there no I guess there's no report. There's probably just no citizens who give a fuck Yeah, that might be that that also could be it It can get really specific like what was the one you had got the other day? Oh I sent it to you guys. It was 50 teens fighting in seven Just a melee bra or just one kid getting bullied by 49 Just a melee brawl. 50.

Or was it just one kid getting bullied by 49? Dude. It's one being 49. Like a Jubilee video. It was really close to me. I was so close to going over there. That's the whole store. 7-Eleven is a tight store.

Especially like counting them out before you send out the citizen. And so I'd pay for it so I could hear the whole radio call. The person was like kind of fighting back like a laugh. It's like, it's packed in there. There's no way it was like kind of fighting back like a laugh. It's like it's back to there. There's no way it was like 50. You can't count it. Dude, that's gotta suck.

Driven past, I thought it would have been like a fucking iShow speedy. Yeah. Like it was a surprise drop in, but no. It's gotta suck so much to be working at 7-Eleven. You hear the ring door. Over and over. And then you walk over.

Trink, trink, trink, trink. 50 teens walking in. And they're like, they set the rules first. They circle up. That's where they choose to fight. Yeah, that was a good one. That's great. Is there any more like that?

I would rather. I once got strange looking man throwing shit. I was throwing feces like imagine that guy like the lowest point of his life, and he's like That I'd like to see it in like suburban Neighborhoods because I bet it's like all because it's not it's gonna just be all people overreacting to shit like just like a dude walking Oh, yeah, just fourth of July is like mass shooting. Oh, yeah. Yeah another mass shooting. Yeah Sounds like gunshots Yeah, I have a VPN so I could set it in like major Chinese cities. Oh, that's interesting

Yeah, it would just kill my battery cuz there's like a Feels like when Justin Bieber posted Instagram, it just like the notifications are insane with things you didn't know. Yeah. What's that tiered Chinese city? Chongqing. Chongqing. Yeah.

It is just so impossibly high up. Yeah. You get to the bottom of a building and you're at like the top of another building. It half of another building working up a sweat to try to get to the ground. Yeah, the commute is insane Wait, what is this? So you haven't seen this city now chonking? It's chonking They have to try to like every mode of transportation Straight down and you're like, oh we made it and then he you'll look over an edge and there's like the whole city below. You're still skyscrapers below. You never know when you're on the actual earth.

So it's it's the city is built above the ground. It's very super high. Like a high mountain range. Oh, there's like trains that go through apartments. I've seen that. Yeah, that's insane. But like the street is like very high. Like the street level where the cars go by is like 27 stories in the sky.

And there's like a sidewalk next to it. Like if you just saw a picture of it, you'd think like, oh, that's the ground level. But there's 27 stories below it. That's insane. I don't fuck with that at all. You've got to go to Chungking. I mean, it'd be cool to visit.

But if you'd like moving there, the novelty would wear off quickly and then you'd live in hell. Yeah. But there are TikTok accounts of guys who just like, this is my commute in Chungking. And it's like a five minute walking video of them just getting to the train,

like sped up, just impossible commute. Yeah, imagine if we had to leave this to go back to the hotel and we had to walk just like in a 90 degree angle uphill. Yeah. Like, I'd be like, I'm just gonna sleep here. I think that's what happened. Yeah That's crazy. John King. We got to get out the trunking some people's entire Livelihood is just making a tick-tock account about living in like a horrible place. Yeah. Yeah. Here's my life on Svalbard Island The most northern settlement in the world and they're so they sound so happy but there's a guy who live in a windowless

Like bunker underneath the Denver Airport and it was just like it looked like the worst existence He had to make these lights simulate the like progression of daylight every day just so he could reset his own circadian rhythm Just never saw the Sun, but he's in a major city where there's sun every day. Yeah, that's sunshine state There's that Japanese guy wouldn't sell his property to the government So they just build an airport around his house and his house is in like between two runways That's crazy. Yeah, it's a nightmare. Oh my god. I would sound it just sold the land I would have given it up probably we probably now the values probably gone. They're like, yeah the airports fine I would have given it up. Probably.

But now the value's probably gone. They're like, yeah, the airport's fine. Enjoy, bud. Yeah. You should start getting really into like fireworks or some shit. Yeah. Yeah. Some shit that goes in the sky.

Yeah. Just start sending drones just directly up. Like, I own this. Yeah. How high up, when you own property, how high up do you get? I think it's in perpetuity. I thought it was forever. It's forever. I think it's just up. I thought it was forever. It's forever

I think it's just up. You have the cone above your land just to heaven Yeah, like those lights that they put up in for 9-eleven for the Twin Towers. That's you you own everything that the light touches fine king Yeah classic And we got to get out to Chongqing. We got to see that guy's house in Japan that's gonna be nice yeah some things look forward to for us are you aren't you going to Japan's on the docket are you going to Japan this summer not this summer I'm going to st. Martin oh I'll be fun yeah I decided to take it easy go inclusive that'll be fun let's go all sound like yeah that's like a

French every time that me and my friends do like one of these fishing trips at That'll be fun. That's dull. So yeah, that's like a Every time that me and my friends do like one of these fishing trips at the end of it We're like, how about next year we just go to like a beach resort Yeah, and just like relax rather than like try and survive for a week Yeah, I went to Italy and I was like exhausted when I got home. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's awesome It was amazing. It was the best time of my life. But Yeah, I'm nice to not do shit. Yeah, so I'm thinking about going to Japan the week after next Super Bowl So we'll be in San Francisco. Mm-hmm, and that's the closest flight you can get Definitely. Yeah, I

Would yeah, all right. Okay, I would love to go back to Japan. It was so good. You live there sick I will I think I if there's any country that's that looks appealing to live in, I think that that's up there. Yeah, they got a little bit better than us in some ways. Have you guys Zillow here yet? No. Yeah, I did. How did it look? Pretty, pretty promising. Yeah. A lot for a little lot for a decent amount. Yeah. Yeah I want to be like the king of Fort Wayne. Yeah, that would be cool Is it that cheap in Fort Wayne? I don't know I know there's some cities where like detroit you can still buy like a thousand dollar house With the property. Detroit. Yeah. Yeah Maybe you maybe that was a couple years ago. They might all be bought up least diverseast diverse city in the country. What is Detroit? What? Yeah.

What's more black than white? Yeah. How is it the least diverse? There's definitely cities with like 96% white. Yeah, like Maine is 99% white, isn't it? I'm telling you what the, I'm just telling you what Google says. Are you saying like other? They don't have

a, they have, I think they're like they have Asians and black. They have more Asian people than white people. The city of Detroit. Super diverse. Well, yeah, that sounds different. You keep on naming different races. Well, diverse means multiple race.

They hardly have any Inuits. They're only 3 percent Inuit. I'll look it up. I'll give you guys the numbers. It's 95 percent black. There's more Asian whites, It's not diverse. Least diverse cities in America. I have a strange suspicion he'll be right. I don't know. What is it? I want to build them up. We've had this argument before and I was right. I don't know if it's an argument. But now I'm looking it up and I'm not seeing it.

Oh, they must have re-crunched the numbers. They must have. After the argument, they're probably like, wait, are our formulas bad? What's a good website to look? It's Wikipedia. Oh my God. What are they saying, Kyle? Detroit is only 10% white.

Really? I would have guessed much higher. Maybe I would have guessed like 40 to 50. They are 77% black, which wow, you might be right. No, there's got to be like a 95%. I think you are right. I think you're right. John King is probably not that diverse.

China's not very diverse at all, is it? Yeah. Have we been surprised? Yeah. Chongqing's like the Detroit of China. Yeah, that's right. Chongqing is 77% black. Chongqing, I think, is majority Latino.

Wait, is it Chongqing or Chongqing? It's Chongqing. Chongqing. It is? And the Q is ch. Oh, I thought I was saying like the Tampa Bay Bucks Hole quarterback. Chongqing. Chongqing. It is? The Q is chuh. Oh, I thought you were saying like the 10 of 8 Bucks hole quarterback. Chongqing.

Chongqing. Yeah, I thought that's what it was. Chongqing sounds racist. Yeah, that sounds like I was avoiding it, but that is what it is. That's if a racist person made up a Chinese city. Exactly. Yeah.

A dyslexic racist person. It's like, remember when Lil Pump got in trouble because one of his ad libs and his song was Ching Chong? No. Whoa, bro. You can't even say that, bro. You can't? That's like the N-word. Is it really? Oh, yeah. You can say Chong Ching. Chong Ching you can say because it's a city. I must be wise, but it felt so good rolling off the sun. It was so natural.

Some people can just play. I see racism. I can just play. Classic. The Beethoven of racism. What's our time like? Boy, that was slow. I know we're at now and half. Boy, did that hit like a ton of bricks. I was happy. I think that's a good, good amount. Really? I was like, we're going to be, we're going to be close to two hours by now. We're really giving it to the people this week. They're going to be eating like pigs. I was certain I had been on my phone. I was like man. We're flying. Yeah So should we and boy I want to get like a board game out or some We're gonna head on over to anis for an electrify for trouble. Who likes?

Sorry, we're going to turn it on for anis. Yeah, I was getting a little too comfortable. Yeah, you were being racist as fuck. Yeah, that's true. But I would have saved for the end of the episode. Nobody's making it there. I don't feel the worst. If you set a slur, nobody realized. Oh no, I've

genuinely believe it wasn't going to say a lot of times I've said some unacceptable things and I've been so upset, not one DM, no one looking after me. We had that even my biggest supporters didn't get. We had an episode up for like a day with you saying something truly like damning to hell and Nobody said a word wasn't clipped wasn't yeah I I've had like I remember having like a mental breakdown over something I said on a on a on a podcast and then Yeah, it's just like it was too deep in that because you can see on the YouTube studio app to like how long do that?

I won't do that people have been gone for what are we at 50? We were at 53 people have been gone for 23 people just listen to our theme song that was nice no the retention graph is like the Tower of Terror yeah it's honestly like like think about when you listen a pod like I don't I never finish podcasts I'll put on a podcast and I'll be like I was great. Oh really I finish podcasts every day Oh, you do I don't I'm not I don't for our podcast either. I consume a decent amount. I Want to zoom at the athletic football show? Multiple times a week. I got to start listening to podcasts. I feel like I do videos like podcasts

I I kind of do that. I do YouTube a lot. I'm big into YouTube. Wait, wait, save it for fucking Anus. That's a new topic. That's a topic. We'll save it. Head on over to Anus for this next episode. I'm sorry. I was only falling one way I was only falling one way The winds were drifting Before, before was I So, so then you listen

Now I come alive I was only falling one way I was only falling one way I was only falling one way I was only falling one way You vanished to your light Did you realize No one can take me alive I was only falling one way See you just a distant light Feel it fast forever bright Call it just a memory

Take my hand and you can see I'm Oh Man is Banished to your earth Did you realize No one could take me alive