Son of a Boy Dad - Brief Pyscho Breaks | Son of a Boy Dad #182

Episode Date: March 14, 2024

Brief Pyscho Breaks | Son of a Boy Dad #182 -- Ad: NETFLIX | THE GENTLEMEN LIKE IT WHEN YOU WATCH. https://netflix.com/thegentlemen -- Follow us on our socials: https://linktr.ee/sonofaboydad -- Merch: https://store.barstoolsports.com/collections/son-of-a-boy-dad -- SUBSCRIBE TO THE YOUTUBE #SonOfABoyDad #BarstoolSportsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, Son of a Boy Dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. All right, let's start. All right. All right, let's start all right all righty welcome back to the son of a boy dad podcast today it is march 13th it is 11 40 a.m early episode today gotta get it in when you can though we're fucking grinders yeah we're absolutely grinders wake up early in the morning get in for our 11 40 episode i don't i don't i don't find the time i make the time exactly you're like father time always asking myself what i do with an extra

hour in my day that's why i love daylight savings time i know me too it's actually been awesome but the nights are shorter like the days are long but then it's like you get like it's like oh it's already nine o'clock type of yeah i will say i woke when i woke up at six this morning the sun was still down and i was pissed did you were you guys up at six today no i was up at five five nice because barstool tate was in i was like fuck i can't get beat by bartool tate gotta get it in yeah fuck yes great writing session six this morning oh my god just well that's when your brain's the most active working out some kinks in the set when you're in that like space between wake and sleep you're still in kind of this lucid dreaming state where you can blog and fucking

crank bit i love cranking bit right in the morning crack a dawn crack a dog crack bit it's incredible that's when i come up with my best shit now i woke up at 8 30 and i was it was early earlier than i'm used to i slept a long time the last two days just catching up from that road that was that road sleep it's the worst i love getting home to my bed i don't't know what I like more, my bed or my Xbox. I actually, we actually got a win on Warzone last night, so. Are those rare? For us?

Yeah. They are rare. How many people do you have to beat? Like two? Wow. Yeah. It wasn't, it didn't used to be this hard the old war zones were much easier uh to win in we would win like every game like every not every game we'd win every time we played we'd get at least one win and now it's like you got if you win you have to

be like you have to be playing the best you've ever played because it's just so sweaty everyone is so good now and everyone cheats too how do they cheat they download it because it's just so sweaty everyone is so good now and everyone cheats too how do they cheat they download it because it's they're autistic 16 year olds there's that and then which is already an unfair unfair advantage and then you uh you got a lot of people who will play it's cross platform so uh you're playing against a bunch of people who have pcs and they download like wall hacks and aimbot and speed hacks oh Oh, so they can go through walls. No, they can look through walls, though. Oh, x-ray vision. So they can see where you are, yes.

They have x-ray vision? Why don't you just cheat, then? There's no governing body. I'm an honorable player. Not really. Yeah. How? I play by the rules.

To what end, though? To all of the ends. But I'm saying, what is the purpose of you being honorable? What do you gain from that? Getting a win feels way better when you fucking win and you earned it okay fair enough i ran it by the boss i'm about to turn my guest room into a fucking gaming setup francis if you ever want to welcome i got i have like full 39 years old you're gonna get into gaming full blue lights full blue lights dangling from the wall gamer chair lofts that

the it seems that the the ideal setup though for the streamers these days is just a big empty room that's what i got like maybe like a bean bag in the corner oh you're talking about kai sanat sanat aiden ross aiden's isn't that big but kai's is cavernous where is that i don't know he's seen the fucking bat cave but he's still in new york though right i don't know is kai senate a streamer for children no there's been a lot of talk about if he's for kids or not and i'm not for kids the more i see the more i believe he might be for kids he's not for kids he likes dancing singing songs that's not for kids i still respect the fuck out of him obviously he's a goat but is he not that seems to be the thing when i was growing up twitch streaming was strictly for gaming and now

it seems like it's more people just like doing like funny dances like do none of these guys even game like kaisen it's not a gamer is he he's too cool he must game a little bit i don't think he does just to be cool just to keep up appearances he's the kind of guy that could do anything you'd teach him a dance and he'll like know it within five minutes yeah that's just crazy i wanted to hire him seven years ago i remember brendan clancy was on kaisa not as a as he gave said he wasn't going to amount to anything right and now look at him exactly dave had no idea he was shitting on I Show Speed. He showed him. Dave wanted I Show Speed and Gaz wanted Aiden Ross and it just didn't work out.

Yeah. I mean, they were offering $100,000 to I Show Speed. Dave wanted the Comptown guys and Gaz wanted I Show Speed. That actually is like, that probably did happen. What, they wanted iShowSpeed? It was probably like Travi was like, hey, I know these guys. They're these guys that are pretty dope. And they just completely poo-pooed them.

Jack Mack. I'm excited for this. I think Jack Mack's about to have a summer on him. On who? Like Jack Mack's about to have a summer. Jack Mack's like the next big thing out of New York. I know, but he thrives in the summertime. He does?

Oh, big time. Seems like definitely more of a winter guy to me. No, you're wrong. He's gearing up for the summer. What does he do in the summer? I think that just the chlorophyll really brings the best out of him. Yeah. He's like a leafy plant.

He needs the sunlight. Chlorophyll. And he blossoms. I used to take chlorophyll pills. The fuck? Yeah, they help my tummy. Why? I don't know.

Are you a ficus tree? They would help with like when I was bloated or indigestion. Yeah? Yeah, they tasted terrible. You know when you ever take a pill and you can taste the pill? It would help with like when I was bloated or indigestion. Yeah? Yeah. They tasted terrible. You know when you ever take a pill and you could taste the pill? Mm-hmm. Those ones would fall apart and there would be like this like green residue coming off

of them and it just tasted like dirt. Every time I take half a Xanax. Oh, yeah. Because you get the little crumbles. When you break it in half. Yeah. That's Roan's specialty. What? That's what he thrives off of is those little crumbs of your oxy cottons of the oxy cottons not of the xanax i thought you're

talking about xanax no no i don't need something much worse no we were talking about xanax we were you didn't change the subject no i did change the. You said that's what he thrives off of. The crumbs. Without saying that we're now talking about. Yeah, I know. And then I said Oxycontin. Right. Yeah. Which I love. Road is an Oxyhead. Pillhead. I love that shit. Yeah, nothing wrong with that.

Oh, yeah, it's the best. It's the healthiest way. Yeah. I trust science. The key to Oxycontin is you just can't get hurt that often no because the more you get hurt the more pain you have the more you're gonna have to use it yes it's like uh you have to be judicious with your oxy use and your and your yes exactly which means be careful out there in the world and i how about kate like kate's about that have oxycontin in the breast milk oh yeah what she has like her spine is broken in 17

different places how did that happen birth that she really she really hurt herself in her spine there was like a diagram of it and i don't they don't know what if it was in in uh childbirth her hypothesis is that she has osteoporosis from breastfeeding uh that her calcium is uh had a deficiency because of her seed wow but uh they're like her entire spinal column is like a fucking roadrunner cartoon like touch it and it's like really fucked up it's broken in like 10 places heavens but i was just so jealous of that fucking fat bottle of oxycontin that she's gonna get in a 90-day prescription for sure she's gonna be carrying it out like a fire hydrant a big ass bottle just looking up to this guy yesterday when i picked up my zoloft and they they didn't give me a bag like a plastic bag

to put it in so i just had to carry it down the street and i was cracking up at the idea of someone robbing me for my pills and then it turning out to be zoloft yeah that has to be like the worst one to rob i mean not if they're what if it cures them they're off the street in two seconds could turn their life around completely francis and i saw an insane person on the street today. Just absolutely biked in together. Just a blabbering, like he was like... Standing on the median. Yeah, like as traffic's going by him.

I love when they do that noise. Like that cannibal from... The opening script of Dune,une which again neither of you have seen no i just downloaded the first dune to watch on my uh fight today and they're like sounds like a didgeridoo it's like the sands of time what does it have like closed caption it shows well it just shows you the translation as the opening as the opening thing but that's the that's the sound that they're making. I love when they do that.

They do that in Star Wars, and I love that they're doing translations for a language that doesn't exist. That's great. Those are the craziest authors. The dude who wrote Lord of the Rings, and he just created languages and peoples and their conflicts and how to

conjugate verbs in other languages. That is a truly insane author. Yeah. I pray for them to get pussy. Yeah. That's a different level of autism. But me and Francis saw this crazy guy on the street today. And then right next to us was this guy who was riding...

How would you describe it, Francis? He was riding the sort of bicycle that you would see in a barber shop. That has brass finishings and offers you whiskey while you wait for your haircut. A full double-decker bike. I have a video. He was a head above everybody. And he's going like, there's no mechanism where he could even break the bike. He can't stop.

He can't stop. Because if he did, he would fall so far to the ground. Like, I don't know. He has to probably be, like, dropped onto the bike from a balcony. There's Rome. Damn, Rome. Why do you look low as hell? I'm fucking Parachicano, bro. In comparison to'm fucking in paris yes i button up the top

button and that's gotta make you wildly insecure why would he do that why would he do it the attention that sweet sweet attention he's probably fucking off of it he's definitely fucking he's the opposite of the guy who wrote lord of the rings he can't stop fucking yeah he pulls up to a fucking restaurant he cannot ladies mind helping me down but so we're fucking driving through the intersection and and this guy this homeless fucking absolute psychopath yeah this homeless freak is freak this depraved freak who shouldn't even be alive much less on the roads yeah uh no he was uh he was completely snatched from his psychosis when he saw the guy on the bike and was like he started like he like burst out laughing and was like hey get off your high horse i need to do my taxes

some moment of clarity and then the guy went through and he was like right back to it he just like shook off Sass's Zoloft bottle fuck it was good to go that's hilarious but the guy was completely like he was

insane and then saw a whimsical man on a bicycle was brought to a better joke than Francis or I could come up with

in the moment and then just snapped back into his psychosis get off your high horses great it's damn good I don't even know I mean I was I was kind of searching for something within the moment and then just snapped back into his psychosis get off your high horse is great it's damn good i don't even know i mean i was i was kind of searching for something like how's the weather up there would have been like that would have been bait you know what i

mean like couldn't find couldn't bring out your big bike today you know what i mean that kind of shit always works but i needed something i needed something more didn't have anything left it alone and then the honeycomb guy fucking beats me to the punch yeah that's a good one too i think how's the weather up there is pretty funny though yeah then there was like seven intersections later we saw another crazy homeless person making similar screaming sounds well just actually screaming sounds and roan turned to him and he goes there's a guy on a big bike who can sort you out. I wanted to see if it was the cure or not. The cure is on its way.

If all people are just snapped out of their psychosis by just the whimsy of a barbershop bicycle man. What drug is it that makes you make noises like that, crack? It's lack of drugs. Really? crack it's lack of drugs really yeah it's lack of uh prescription for for mental illness that is probably you know at least somewhat treatable but these people don't have access to it it's the loudness in your mind just making it to your lips yeah and that is spurred on by crack probably interesting or the like crocodile or like the interesting weird shit people are really doing crocodile in in new york or trank then maybe or no trank will put you to

sleep what the fuck is trank trank's that uh trank's that weird shit that they're doing in kensington yeah it wouldn't surprise me at all if you were like i tried croc i tried croc back in the day i was at a party and uh no i drew the line at heroin really i didn't do heroin when it was presented to me oh nice or uh speed what is speed i think speed's meth oh i thought speed was coke no no i thought it was just anything that made you fast like a speed pill though but a speed is usually i don't fucking know speedball i don't fucking know i didn't know that people were just smoking fentanyl people are intentionally doing fentanyl people always like make it seem like oh you're being poisoned with fentanyl because they're sprinkling it into something that you don't want people are out there seeking like looking for looking for that I didn't know that until Euphoria when Rue said, you know, I didn't know how good I could feel until I tried fentanyl.

That's motivational. I always thought it was, yeah. And she's very slim. You hear about police officers opening a bag of Coke and like a speck of it gets into the air and they go into cardiac arrest. That shit can't be true. I think there was a lot of, I think that there was, well, actually, I don't know.

I don't really. Say it anyway. I'm definitely not the person to be like, I don't think fentanyl is as bad for you as people are making it out to be. He's trying to downplay fentanyl. You're a Chinese plant. You're definitely fucking.

I don't think that's really my position to speak. Sass is secretly cartel. It's not that bad. You gotta try it. It's not that gotta try you can hold like a whole bunch of in your hand and feel nothing you do a little bit it's nice she's a spotter that's why you're dressed like that today button the top button let's see if you really look at yeah this is amazing i'm glad we thank you ron what what this is great i'm so francis i was with you when i bought all of these clothes you must have just had your eyes closed.

Is that Orvis? You said that you were with... You made fun of me for me saying that I was with you. No way. Why would I make fun of you for that? You took it away from me. The last time we talked about it. Well, my point is I didn't know you were buying all this stuff.

I mean, this is great. Well, this is a fly fishing shirt. And I wanted to wear it because I'm going to go fishing tomorrow. So I want to just give a little preview of the fit. It's great. You've got a button-down collared shirt on under your black coat that you love and some blue pants. Yeah, the blue pants fit well, which is surprising because when I tried them on at the hotel, they did not fit at all. So I must have dropped a couple LBs.

Definitely. Yeah, you've got some zhuzh in your hair. You got new sneaks. You're like a haircut. You're morphing into like an IT guy. Yeah, that's what I'm going for. You look like you read hard copies of newspapers. Hard copies?

I don't know why. Fold it up? I just hear you fold it up and maybe there's something in there that you're saving for later. Yeah, maybe. You get a 99 cent cup of coffee with the greek cup and fucking yeah get a hard copy of the post sits on a park bench the post dozes in and out do they still print the post big time so are they just putting in articles about like barstool in the post no i don't know if those make that i bet they are i wouldn't i would not be surprised there's absolutely they're

blogging about they write about everything i know so if you went and got the post, the front headline would be like, Kelly Keegs gets destroyed by... Travi tried to hire iShowSpeed. Those might just be in the digital version. I assume it has to be. I don't think that those are... No, bro. There is garbage in that beautiful newspaper.

But that's so specific to the internet world that I don't know. You know what I mean? I do know what you mean but i think the hard copy is for new yorkers probably we should do a newspaper week we got spotlight on kelly keegs and uh the and barstool radio's downfall our best guys are working on this i i mean i swear to god that it's like that because there is like the most random shit being written about for like six pages. It's like continued on page 36.

Isn't there, what's page six? Is that like a titty? Celebrity gossip. I think it's the celebrity gossip. Is there a titty page? Or is there like a... I don't believe so in the New York Post. There's not?

I don't think there's a titty page. There's no titty page? That's not right. I know what you're talking about. You know what I'm talking about they used to with the place where you they would advertise breasts oh oh sex yeah sex workers yes wait those used to always be in like the free newspapers you could get at the library my bus would drop me off at the library i go to the back and i'd be like what does ts mean whatever she has tits. What is TS? Transsexual. Transsexual.

Interesting. See, I never need to know that. Why? Because I don't fuck transsexuals specifically. I think that's all the more reason you would need to know it. True. Maybe I have and I just didn't know. So you could say, skip that option. I was also 10 years old and opening a newspaper to like...

There was like pretty much nudity in those ads. That's pretty crazy. Good for them. It was sweet. Yeah. Good for the transsexuals. What did they call that? It was the back pages or... Probably.

You know? I know Backpage used to be a website. And that got shut down. Bob Dylan has a song called Backpage. How's it go? Backpages. Or how does it feel? Feels.

Great question. It's rare that you come across a great question like that feels like home how does it feel i didn't mean to just to say that i'm anti-transsexual by the way oh that's how it came off it came off like that's big time how it came off i've personally never fucked a trans person leah thomas is going to be crawling the side of the building to beat your ass it's going to be a picket line outside of our studio yeah she's going to be she's going to be pissed off fuck this trans pussy hey saskatchewan i saw that you uh in a more recent uh show listing that you it said harry settle aka little sass has your own transition begun yeah i've been doing that for a while though at what point will you just leave out the little

sass i'm tired probably never no soon probably never no soon he's going to i guess soon sounds like i'm gonna do it soon see weak. Ron has spoken for me. You're weak. You'll do what I say. Well, what's lucky is that it's not as though your Lil Sass is such a different character from Harry Settle. No. Do you know what I mean? It's not as though you're speaking in an accent.

Yeah. I was actually talking about that with Michael Costa. I was talking about how I wanted to go by my real name. And he was like, well, do you do like a character? And I was like, no, not at all. And he was like, then just go by your real name and he was like well do you do like a character and I was like no not at all and he was like then just go by your real name you certainly could that would suck

you had to drop the black scent like when Giannis does Marisa or Dr. Phil Adam Ray yeah but that's explain that to me because does he do Dr phil all the time no no he still does like normal stand-up but he's really known for dr phil

i think he's blown up from i mean he was already big yeah but he's blown up even more from the dr phil thing like they're doing like i think they're doing he was like rapping on stages dr yeah it's very funny and he's doing like the rap was mid he's doing like kill tony and stuff with it but i think he's also doing just himself as well i see something more important or uh yeah no ron was right we really could have used a guest today what why you're just not checked out me i'm in a great mood you're not in the mood you're checked out i mean i think you got up too early you spent all your energy at 8 38 i know i did get up early and i went to bed

late as hell too wait i was biking home the other day on monday after our show and uh normal normal biking speed in the bike lane going down seventh ave uh and a woman's walking her dog um but i i have good spatial awareness of course i'm not even going to be i won't have to slow down she won't have to slow down i'll go ahead of her i had a green light um lena dunham looking woman like lena dunham archetype type of woman, dog way out ahead of her. Who's walking who? My question. Who's walking who?

And I zoom ahead and through the intersection. And as I go into the intersection, she throws a bag of dog shit at me. Damn. She throws a bag of dog shit aiming for my tires the spokes of my tires luckily she has terrible aim unathletic ass bitch smacks into my thigh and hits the ground this woman's goal was for it to go into the spokes of my bicycle and to rain shit on me. This she-devil woman.

That's a pretty like... Bitch! Is that what you said? Of course. Dude, what? And that's deserved. Every time I've rode a bike in the city, it's been just silent.

I've never had these crazy interactions that you guys have. I mean, I do it literally every single day, twice a day. So you've done it twice that's not true when i first moved to new york i would bike all the time did i miss something why did she throw it at you was she mad or she's just crazy crazy no i i think that she was like in rome probably did something to provoke it i 100 did probably like sniffing lines of oxy while driving the bike swerving all over the

place yeah her version of the story yeah i'm like swerving on a bicycle with like a long mirror in front of myself no hands biking but no i i think that she i mean uh maybe she thought that her dog like i should have slowed down or stopped for her dog but her dog wasn't even it hadn't set foot in the intersection yet you should have ran her dog over i watched i like saw her like for a while she didn't break stride she didn't look at me she didn't answer the bitch she just smugly fucking like kept on walking as if this was a regular occurrence for her oh yeah she's flinging shit at people all the time it's definitely not her first time doing that if she was aiming for the wheels of the bike and it's probably been

successful before oh yeah that's the level of diabolicalness that a fucking like the vietnamese could have used against the americans yeah she would have been well served to be making like trap doors with spikes on them or something it was like elephant shit well i was gonna say like maybe the real lena dunham sets speed records like roping calves hit a tire spoke from 38 yards away with a shih tzu's poop which is the least amount those bags have no no you know critical mass yeah the air would catch them and they'd be just floating through the city. What's the movie with Kevin? It's probably incredibly satisfying for her when that works.

If that had happened to me, I was on the city bike, I would have gone back to her and I would have bear hugged her with my shit cover body. That's a good way. I was wondering how you were going to physically attack her without committing like man on woman abuse. Bear hug.

Bear hug's good. Come here. Yeah, that's good. Dunham's good. I would have turned Lena Dunham, I would have gone Jeff Dunham and shoved my hand up her ass. Whoa. I once bought-

See, now you took it too far. Now it's too far. I once bought Lena Dunham a green tea at Starbucks. Really? Yeah. Didn't Lena Dunham have like a massive breakdown at a Starbucks? Was it the Starbucks on 23rd Street? Because there's like a famous, she had like a meltdown at a Starbucks on 23rd Street.

Yeah, apparently she's allergic to green tea. Some guy bought her a green tea. Some biological terrorist. That's what she asked for. It was in Brooklyn Heights where she lives. Very nice. And I was in there and she walked in. And I'll tell you what, Lena Dunham, some celebrities will try to disguise themselves.

Oh, she had a, my name is Lena. Oh, she had a, my name is Lena. Bro, it was as if she had stepped off the set of girls in whatever wardrobe dressed her for that day. Because it was like spaghetti string tank top, no bra, all of her tattoos. You hear that, Seth? Out and about. No bra. And then like jean shorts that, I don't know. And then flip flops and then her hair done the same way she often does.

And she walked right in. And she was behind me in line. And I'll be honest with you. Directly behind you? Directly behind me. In like four person line. And I'll be honest with you. I actually, this was probably 2011 or 12.

And I actually loved season one or two of Girls. I was about to say this. I liked watching Girls too. I loved Girls. I have no shame. You like Girls too, Owen? The writing was amazing. I think I stopped watching towards the later seasons.

And I remember watching the finale without having really watched much of it. And I was like, oh, this isn't, it's kind of falling off. I don't know, the first scene of season four was a guy eating a girl's ass standing up in the kitchen. The girl from, what's his name? Alison Williams. Alison Williams,

Brian Williams' daughter. Yeah, and she did really well in Get Out. Yes. Remember? Yes. Did you see Get Out? Yeah, it's a great movie.

She's the woman in that, she's the girl in that she's the girl in the hat you want to see her get her ass ate well i i was just thinking i when you're eating someone's ass in a kitchen who is that enjoyable for seemed like her she was euphoric i don't think either of the parties are enjoying that i think they were i think they were both having a blast because i don't think getting your ass eaten is it was over the same it probably doesn't feel that good and i don't think eating someone's ass feels good either it just tastes like she's sweet summer child we gotta get so many to his ass yeah we need to have someone eat zero life you are you are you have miles to go my friend

it just seems like the kind of act that like you wouldn't be like i gotta eat your fucking ass right now she's like sweating over a kitchen there's like a stainless steel fucking were they working what do you mean were they were they working in a kitchen no it was their home oh it's a home kitchen oh okay okay that makes it much better i thought it was the bear i thought it was like the bear and they were like i gotta fuck you right now let me eat your ass like that was like that was the first move they came up with like a fryer yeah like it was like the mile high club but they were just eating ass in the bathroom. No, it's a finished, renovated kitchen. Okay.

That makes more sense. Well, in Brooklyn. So it was like finished in like the 60s or something like that. Yeah. There's a wall unit for the AC. It's not central air. It's not central, but it's still, I think that's by design. They probably could have afforded a nicer apartment.

That's crazy that that's my memorable of all the scenes of all of girls that's i remember that sounds memorable to me that was a good scene it's not something you should typically see in like a tv show no and his face is buried between the cheeks i think she has her hand shoving his face closer yeah that's a while she's suffocating that's crazy like when you kill your grandmother with a pillow that's like the cool guy getting head move. Yeah. She'd be like. That's why I didn't know girls did that when you were eating their ass.

Sweet summer child. That's probably how you end up with styes. Is when you're eating the ass so good that someone grabs your head and shoves it into your asshole. Well, I'm not rubbing my eye against the rectum. You're still within process. That is like a per periscope you're trying to see through her mouth then if that's true and you're eating it from the back you're really going after the front of the vagina have you ever eaten ass from the front you can eat ass from the front how it's on the back just push their legs a little farther up like you're changing the

diaper of a toddler. Yeah. Best way to do it is like Spider-Man and drop down from the ceiling and eat ass. Yeah, true. Oh, 69, but you're on top. No, you're dangling from a single web because you've been bitten by a bionic spider, and you fucking

go upside down, and you're just eating ass like understandable you can eat it from the front though very interesting for your first time I might suggest you eat it from the front it's only just it is to the

vagina what Baja is to California it's only just south of the border yeah no i know that you know you've probably been closer than you'd think no i know where the asshole lies like tijuana you were just in san diego yeah it's closer than you think and you can buy prescription drugs down there without a prescription oh really at the? At the ass. Anything goes. I got his ears perked up. Sass, we need to get your ass eaten.

Our junkie boy? Do we think it's better for him to eat the ass or to have his ass eaten first? I would not put anyone through that. I want my boy Sass to get his ass eaten. I wouldn't put anyone through that. I need a picket line. My ass is a terrible disgusting place.

What if it just happens and it's not up to you? Because some people like that. What if they just do it? Dude, the world's number one ass eater would look at my ass and go, not for me. Joey Chestnut, an ass eater? Yeah, they'd say, that's not my ass. By putting his bib on and just his face gets white? I think you'd be surprised at how-

I've seen a lot, but that's disgusting. No, you've got some jungle-hardened Marine Corps vets who have been through some thick bush. That's a mean bush out there. Chris Kyle of ass-eating. Yeah. Boys who can just

eat an ass from 2,000 feet away. The guy with the scars from Avatar. Yes. The general. Yeah, that guy. If he saw you, he'd have no problem. Get on your face, soldier.

Yeah. My ass is not a good place to even think about, to be honest. Well, let's get off this because it's weird. Where were we before it? I don't even remember. Oh, we're talking about Girls and Lena Dunham. Season one of Girls. Very nice show.

Well, she's right behind me, and I did something cool. And I'm not afraid to admit it. I went up and said to the barista of the Starbucks, I said, I'm going to have an iced oat milk latte with an extra shot of espresso. That is very cool. And whatever she wants. That was the first acknowledgement I had of lena that's step

and she goes what ah and i go i'm a fan and she goes oh my god that's so nice and it's my birthday and i was like oh my god happy birthday and then the barista was like i'm also a fan and i was like not now cunt yeah this is my time to shine. You should have said something then. Yeah. Johnny come lately. Why didn't you buy her the drink? Why am I paying for any of it? Why not comp at all? It's her birthday. It's because the corporate overlords at Starbucks would fucking have you killed. Yeah.

True. And then the three of us turned and saw two black customers and we told them to get out. Because that's what you do at Starbucks. I get it. I get it. Especially around that time yeah Barstool Sports started that fucking

but I'm not afraid to deviate from the company line I liked those early seasons of girls oh there's a whole there's a whole category under Barstool Sports of Lena Dunham we've written much of her

dash blogs and videos it's like chicago new york lena dunham there's a whole separate branch of the website for lena dunham it is it's sponsored by got milk because i think we i don't know if we were the we kevin we said that her bot kevin said that kevin was the a bag of milk. Yeah, he was the lead bag of milk proprietor. Yeah. That was a great time in the internet. Guys like us had to go into the shadows and be ashamed that we like girls. Yeah, I could only tell her the depths of a seedy Starbucks.

She probably fucking loved it. She probably thought that you were hitting on her. I don't know. I don't think I'm her type. She dated that guy jack what's his face for a long time yeah i don't look like him who does he date now he's like taylor swift's right hand he moved up yeah he's rushing it the dude who was in the band fun and then he seems cool he's incredible producer but he's taylor swift's like uh producer basically that's pretty much that's like your last job right taylor swift producer do anything for taylor swift it's like your last job you get your own pj where do you go after that

i mean i guess you could start your own band or something like that independent but he was in fun i mean he was like one of the lead guys of fun. But I would disagree. I bet she is your, I bet you are her type. Only in the show, in that Adam Driver, which was, that was a tough relationship to buy. That hadn't fucking launched his. I mean, he's bigger than anyone in that show. I know, but he was. He was in Girls?

Always going to be big. He was Dunham's hubby. He has the accolades of Rob riggle yes he's a he had done he's a vet tours as a marine and came back and it was like rob riggle zach brian zach brian was in the military navy come on what the fuck bro really come on now you don't know the first couple you don't know the first couple story catch Catch up. Was he really? We walk in the footsteps of giants in this very studio. Zach Bryan was in the military. Yeah, he probably has been in this room.

He was in the Navy. His whole family was. Yeah, that's true. Shane, who else? Who else? There has to be some other famed military. But yeah, I mean, he has the body of a guy who's been through basic oh yeah he was in the navy dude we just said that i had to confirm they don't know if he

ever believes anything well because then because that roan used to do this where then i'd be like wow that's crazy zach bryan was in the military and then it would be on the barstool main page and everybody like look at this fucking dumbass no i would be like deon sanders was a great hockey player you'd be like no way because I would I would be going along with it and then everyone would be like sass is so fucking stupid but I don't have the wit that he does I can't pull that off so if I if I say it then you it's not that witty to say Deion Sanders played hockey he never said that he never said Deion Sanders played hockey he could pull up the clip I was like that no I did never believed any of them like he said wayne who have ever said wayne gretzky played basketball or

something and he was like yeah he scored the most touchdowns and i was like oh that's funny like i'm not fucking retarded i knew what you were saying and then all and then everyone's like wow that's crazy that sass didn't know that wayne gretzky was a hockey player and not a fucking lacrosse player he's never played i knew that i knew i'm not i knew that of course i knew that okay jim brown i met gretzky in lake placid jim brown is one of the best lacrosse players of all time okay true or false jim brown i don't know who jim brown is oh come on so there there you got your fucking clip post it clip it clip it You don't know who Jim Brown is? No, I don't know Jim Brown.

He's probably top five NFL player of all time. Great. Not when I was fucking alive, he wasn't. Top two lacrosse player of all time. When Francis and I were growing up, he was. Yeah, well, sorry. I'm not fucking 75 years old. That's a joke.

He was literally in the 60s. He literally is from the 60s. He wore those leather helmets that are made out of a watermelon rind fucking put it on over your hat like you're gonna fly one of those old planes yeah i'd love to see uh i'd love to see those guys brains bisected yeah the guys who are wearing leather helmets playing football in the 60s and also like working a side job as a fact in like a factory or something like that. Dude, I'm watching fucking this Netflix doc on Six Nations Rugby. It's in the vein of, you know, all these great sports docs on Netflix. I don't understand rugby.

The way they play it or how it's. How they're any of them are alive at all. Because they don't wear any pads. They don't wear any pads and they are spearing each other out of midair. And they're huge. They're all built like construction workers? Not even construction workers. They're like bodybuilders.

They're built like bouncers. Yeah, their bodies are pretty fucking awesome. Their shoulders just go straight to their ears. Yeah, and their legs. Oh my God. Well, they probably just go straight to their ears. Yeah. And their legs. Yeah. Oh my God. Well, they probably just don't play for long.

It's more of a, I bet they do. There is an argument. There is an argument in the rugby world. That is safer. The fact they don't wear helmets means that they don't, that they're more careful about their heads, which again, I don't understand. You just can't get it right all the time they're moving full speed and they're they're driving into each other i don't get how they're not dead there must not be like running backs where they're like lowering their head into a pile of 600 pound

men i guess i guess and i think that once you put on a helmet your head turns into a weapon yeah that's what uh yeah i can tell you running backs do that on purpose that ever since i got my bike helmet city biking i have become a far more reckless like reckless cyclist through the city streets yes because you're you're it's a weapon i just think i can take a hit yeah from a truck and i know that's not true the way they build these helmets these days they're pretty good pretty sturdy not that helmet that you use that thing would explode the second you hit a car that's the old leather helmet equivalent for biking yeah you have like your helmet is like a an eggshell but they say that helmets are actually supposed to or that's not what they

say at all no one's ever said that but they're supposed to crumple in a little bit? Yeah. Cars, they're built to crash. Yes. Probably not into humans, though. The front of them are supposed to absorb impact, so it takes the impact instead of the car being so rigid that you get thrown through the front.

That's people's problems with Elon Musk. The Tesla, the Cybertruck. Everyone's saying, how bad is, this is so bad. And it's like, well, yeah, for everyone else. Yeah, we were talking about that. Just buy one. Just have one. Just get yourself one and then be that guy.

If you got in like a bumper to bumper accident with a Cybertruck, your car would explode. Yeah, totally. It would be totaled if you were going like five miles per hour. Another car. Yeah. The Cybertruck wouldn't have a scratch on it. No. Rogan shot an arrow at it.

Of course. Who else? Who shot it? Did Sneeko or someone? Someone shot it? I think Rome or Francis. Was it Sneeko or was it I Show Speed that shot it? When you guys start saying these names, I shut down.

I fundamentally go somewhere else. The whole first 10 minutes of the podcast today, I thought about Jamaica. Sorry, I'm just trying to keep up with the trades. Free agency frenzy is out of control right now. Who do the Patriots get? No one. Yeah, they're trying to get Calvin Ridley, and he's like, I don't want to go there. He doesn't want to go there at all.

But I think they're going to get T. Higgins. No, they're not. Fingies crossed. Do you think the Patriots are about to go through a slump? Yes. The likes of which we haven't seen since Cleveland. Yes, they're going to be at the top of the draft a lot. I don't think they're going to be a good team

for the next 10 years. Well, I guess that's penance. You know, it's the universe sort of reverting to the mean. Are you happy to make that trade? Or would you trade like some of the Super Bowls to be like in the mix over the next 10 years? Me, personally, I would trade the Super Bowls just because I was so young that I barely remember the Super Bowls. Yeah, that's –

I was one year old when the first three Super Bowls happened. You don't get to claim it. Yeah. You were one year old for three Super Bowls? Well, the first one was 2002, right? So I was one, two, and three

for the first three Super Bowls. No, it was one, two, and four because they skipped a year, right? They didn't get three in a row because if Mahomes gets it, that would be his first three-peat. Yeah, and I don't really like what Mahomes redid his contract. Now they have more cap space.

Now they're going to get a bunch of good players. You know who used to do that? Tom Brady. Tom Brady. Well, yeah, everyone's trying to fucking copy the Patriots. Why don't you like that? Because I think they should have banned it after Brady left the league. Contract is a contract.

You can't get it renegotiated. And Joe Burrow is doing the same thing. They're saying that the Bengals are going to get Justin Jefferson. No, they're not. Who the fuck is saying that? Everyone. What are you talking about? He just signed a huge contract.

And he's leaving. He wanted to play with Kirk Cousins and now Kirk Cousins is gone. I don't believe that's true. Bro, I don't think you're keeping up to date. You're talking out of your asshole. Have you not been keeping up with the frenzy? You need your asshole eight, bro.

Have you not seen any of your asshole have you been not been keeping up with the frenzy you need your asshole eight bro have you not seen any of these rumors i mean all i remember is that bangles when we recorded the other day you had no idea about anything that was going on i know that i downloaded the espn app because i had to keep up there's too much to keep in to keep up with i got pat mcafee texting me on the low really yeah what Yeah. What's he saying? He's like, dude, this is what's happening next. Can you get him on the podcast? Calvin Ridley is going to the Patriots. That would be huge. We would love that. Holy shit.

Jefferson DeCense is in motion. Really? They said the guy's joking when he said that. Tyler Eifert was not being serious. Sass caught flat-footed again. No, first of all, you can't say that when it's not been confirmed.

You can't just be saying that I was wrong. Vikings reportedly turned down a Bengals trade offer of two first-round picks and Tee Higgins for Justin Jefferson. That's honestly pretty crazy.

That is a big trade package, to be honest with you. Yeah, why would they turn that down? Because Justin Jefferson's that good. He's goaded. If he can stay healthy. He's freaking goaded. But T. Higgins can't stay healthy either, so I guess it doesn't really matter.

And that's talking ball. I'd rather have Calvin Ridley than T. Higgins. T. Higgins just doesn't say. He's hurt every game. It's like Debo Samuel, made of glass. Calvin Ridley got suspended for a year for game. It's like Debo Samuel made of glass. Calvin really got suspended for a year for gambling.

That's awesome. That makes me like him more. These gambling suspensions are crazy. Yeah. It's stupid. It's so crazy to me. I think you should be able to bet on, on yourself in your game.

And I think you should be able to bet on any game that you're not playing in right you you'd almost think what about betting on your team yeah i think you should be able to bet on your team as well what about the days when you don't uh like what about the times you don't bet on your team then wouldn't that be kind of betting like betting against your own team if you have been betting on your team no that's just responsible gambling there is something a little risky i guess about if you could do a player prop where you were watching your buddy in the training room coming off of an injury and the book thinks that he's still gimpy but you've seen him in practice all week and you know the ball is going to that guy a lot as per the game plan you might say i'm gonna i'm gonna hammer like over 16 carries i guess that is like insider trading that's insider trading yeah but okay so then why not let them gamble on any game that

they're not playing in is it too hard yeah or is it illegal to for them to gamble on anything no i think they can gamble on other sports other sports lebr? Because LeBron always is gambling on other sports. LeBron is our draft king. He's our coworker. Yeah. With DraftKings. I see. He's always posting his picks.

That's cool. I want to get it. He's probably the one who ruined this room. True. LeBron's big on wine. I want to get his ear on some wine. Well, we should have him on the podcast. Let's do it.

We've been talking about how we need guests. We do need guests. But you don't like wine. You'd have nothing to talk about. No, LeBron would be here talking about wine and you'd be like, what's a Chablis? I would get into wine if LeBron was coming. What is a Sauvignon Blanc? I would love to just get in LeBron's ear for an hour.

Yeah, right, bro. Same. He would come in and be like, I've been watching your podcast. I've been watching your stand-up since 2019. Yeah. What's the best way for us to get LeBron? Is it through? Roan.

It's probably Roan. Obviously through Roan. Yeah, the culture loves Roan. But Roan refuses to share his guests with us. No, I... He gives them to Pat Biff. Listen, you get ostracized from the culture very quickly if you start to abuse it for personal gain.

Yeah. I have definitely... I'm a guest in the culture. ...overstepped. I come into the culture and I fucking wipe my feet and I take my shoes off. And that's how you get fucking ostracized. I am the culture overstepped i come into the culture and i fucking wipe my feet and i take my shoes off and that's how you get fucking i am the ostracized tell lebron say sass wants you and he'll be like i'm flying out tonight no i come into the culture and i fucking hang my coat up and i fucking sit down and i fucking listen i've got dude i've got a fucking i got like cred in the culture oh shit you're the guy that turned down pat bev and i say yeah not not

too many of us in high school i was mistaken for a black guy on aol instant messenger by i was about to say really cute girl yeah who was older than i am well what kind of words were you using no well i wasn't using any she just there was another guy named francis who went to a rival high school and was like a star soccer player and he was a black guy and she thought she was talking to him Francis Nagano yeah and was like let's you know kind of like flirting with me and I was like what's happening I was a freshman and then later I was told by a buddy who knew her uh that she thought I was three years older and black. And that was the end of our correspondence.

It probably turned you into a beast, though. You were probably in the gym fucking fighting through the demons. Yeah, I mean, I, you know. Well, you had to go fucking. There's only so much you can do. I definitely did start hanging bricks from the tip of my penis.

Similar to how Rachmaninoff tried to lengthen his hand There's so much you can do. I definitely did start hanging bricks from the tip of my penis. Fuck yeah. Similar to how Rachmaninoff tried to lengthen his hand span so that he could reach twelfths on the piano and only ended up crippling his hand. But you and I knew that already. Maybe it wasn't Rachmaninoff. Someone did that. Of course. Chopin? Vince Carter's mom used to put, I think, quarters on top of the doors.

That's how he became a great leaper. On top of door frames. I don't get it. Why? So he would jump up and get the quarter. Pick the quarters off. I bet he was probably just already a good jumper. Yeah, I'm sure. Reaching the top of a door frame isn't really like...

Professional athlete. When they did that, but... Sure, he's probably professional athlete when they did that but joey's probably just a little guy all righty everybody let's talk about the gentleman they say a gentleman always keeps his word but i can't repeat any of the words that the weed dealing gambling murdering aristocrats say in the gentleman you couldn't even say aristocrats much less any of the words that he says actually it's tough words over the gentleman but it's not a tough watch i'll tell you that much easy on the eyes guy richie's first tv show ever only on netflix look if you know anything about me you know i'm a very big you're a richie you're a guy guy i'm a guy's guy exactly

i love guy richie i love all of his work that movie that he did with jill and hall phenomenal probably not as good as the gentleman though oh no the james puts jake jill and hall under the table it's based on his award-winning film the it's based on his award winning film the gentleman series stars theo james and a whole new cast of criminal lords and ladies slumming it in britain's criminal underworld guns out and pinkies up watch what happens next when you try and play gangsters at their own game don't miss the gentlemen now playing only on netflix putting mustard on my jacket you put a smut on your name on your good jewish clip it clip it sass was stupid again sass made a dummy i was at uh i was walking the dog at like 10 o'clock

last night and i saw night owl huh night owl you already know good way um there was a are you a night owl or a morning or an early bird? Early worm. Early worm? No, I guess early bird gets the worm. Early bird is right. You had it right. I'm sorry. All good. Clip this.

Clip it. Clip it. Francis was dumb. We are fools. Get this on Viva La Stool. Stat. Viva. Drag us.

Drag us through the mud. That account really does fuck my ass. Oh, it's all they want to do is just- It fucks my ass. How can we make the people that work here look as dumb as we possibly can like why can't they just make us look good that's not god damn it that's not their purpose in this world this dude everyone's so goddamn negative and it's like how can i like why well that's the fucking new york office everyone's got a shit on each other

all the time that's the fucking new york office bro no one fucking works and just shits why can't ohio state just show up to work on time and just be on what be at work why do you got to be like i'm the earliest in i'm the greatest of all time because he's the greatest of all time i'm the best to ever do it show some fucking respect tate you know what to do tate drag me take down Drag me. Takedown. Bring me through the mud. Anyway, I'm walking a dog at 10 o'clock last night. A dog or your dog? Random dog. Dumbass.

Dumbass. Fuck Ohio Tate, you know what to do. Get him. Get him. Get him. Release the beast. There's 15 Hasidic kids whooping it up smoking wheat come on that's good that's a good thing hasidic bros i like that why do you why is it a good thing

because i don't disagree but notoriously repressive culture yes one that you know is very conservative and i think that uh notorious i would say that like whatever you get the idea yeah no i don't go on any culture that's very strict like that religiously it's it's always the youth that tends to like progress it right this is kind of the light at the end of the tunnel yeah i thought kush was allowed though in most religions no for them it's kutch kush kush i thought it was allowed though like i think in uh i think uh the catholics are allowed to smoke the earth being catholic is pretty different from being a hasidic jewish person and maybe it's not even disallowed but it's definitely sass you would know i'm both so it's tough for me to decide you're a hasidic

but also a good catholic boy newborn catholic we had a i'm sorry ron i know you want to get back to this no there's nothing there's nothing further but in the spirit of hairball quick aside touch on it touch on it that's going to delay the denouement of your story there's no denouement uh sass and i had uh two orthodox i get orthodox and Hasidic confused, so forgive my naivete. The ones with the hats. The big hats, not the small hats. We had two on our flight, but they were like the most glamorous Hasidic Jews I've ever seen. Those boys travel, and they'll have the box for the hat.

The box for the hat. They were like Louis Vuitton hat boxes. They're beautiful boxes. And they were, the wife was wearing, you know, they were still adhering to all the sort of, you know, clothing requirements of their culture. But they had gotten like an Hermes, they were like Hermes stockings or it was, it was the most. Yes, sir. I didn't even, I'd never seen that before i didn't know you could you know you could still check the boxes of everything that's required but do it you know in sax fifth avenue or whatever

yeah it's like the popes who had like uh louis slippers and shit like that and it was it was crazy too because i just i fundamentally noticed i was like this is easily the most sexy has said a couple i've ever seen. As a couple? Yeah. Interesting. They were both glammed up. There's like Hasidic TikTok influencers who will like break down the ins and outs, but they're like a hot couple. Right.

Like a hot Hasidic couple. What was that show? Did you watch that show about the girl who breaks out of Hasidic culture? Yes. It was a Jack Krakauer show. It was called the Heaven something. Heaven Can Wait? You're actually right.

It is Heaven something. Right? Yeah. And it wasn't about Hasidic Jews. It was about Mormons. There's one about a girl that breaks out of the Hasidic world. This one was about mormons maybe we're talking about two different shows all right anyway ron the end of your story please

there was no there's no end of the story these boys were just getting fucking fried they're just getting fried underneath the bridge i thought it was very uh i mean that that it's it was just interesting to me it was just like you said the breaking of the culture but i've seen like seen sometimes the Hasidic boys will be bad boys. They're troublemakers. I've seen them on the Sabbath riding electric bikes over the bridge into the city. I mean, the electric bikes

alone are haram. I think you're mixing up religions again. Haram definitely isn't the word, but I don't think they could use electric bikes on... No, that's fucking, what's it called? Amish? Yeahish yeah no there's something about not using electricity for jews yes bruh i think is it on is it on passover i don't know there is a high holiday where there's like because you're part jewish you're part jewish though i don't know why you guys are all asking me. Because you're part Jewish. You're part Jewish, though.

I don't know anything about it. Baruch atah Adonai, my broi. It's Under the Banner of Heaven is the show that I was referring to. Krakauer did write that book. Yes. That's where you got that. He wrote the show, too. Interesting.

Very interesting. What did I say? Jack? Yeah. Well, we're more on personal terms. You were mixing up Jack Kerouac and John Crack Hour. And John Crack Hour. Definitely.

John Bauer was not in the mix there. Jack Bauer. Jack Bauer was. Jack Bauer wasn't. You said Jack Crack Hour. Yeah. Because Jack and Bauer is well in that. But I don't even know John Crack Hour or John Bauer.

I only know... I know Jack... I know Jack Kerouac and I know John Crack Hour. You don't know Jack Bauer? No. 24? No, I know Jack Bauer. I only know... I know Jack... I know Jack Kerouac, and I know John Krakauer. You don't know Jack Bauer? No. 24? No, I know Jack Bauer from Always Sunny.

That's Dennis' cat. And he was named after... God damn it, Jack Bauer. You really are phenomenal. But that was named after the character Jack Bauer from 24. Yeah.

You'd like 24. I gotta check it out. You'd love it. You'd also love Prison Break. I've seen it. Yeah. You'd like 24. I gotta check it out. You'd love it. You'd also love Prison Break. I've seen it. Yeah, they were on it at the same time. You'd really like 24.

Prison Break was something else. You would like Alias. You'd have the hots for Jennifer Gardner if I had to guess. You guessed correctly. 24 has a role from the girl from Always Sunny who is always like.

Oh, yeah. The cousin. Yeah. She's in it. She's a stand up. Yeah. Can't remember. Gale the Snail.

I skipped the episodes that she's in. Why? Because that noise disgusts me. It annoys me. It sucks that she is in some very funny episodes. How would you know? Thanksgiving one. She's in the Thanksgiving one. She's in the Thanksgiving one

and she's in the one where Frank goes, they have an intervention for him. How would you know? Because he shows up to the funeral drunk off of, he's drinking wine

out of a Diet Coke can. That's so damn respectable. Brother, I would prefer you don't do that. Prefer is such a soft term why would you bring peanut m&ms to tempt me why would you do that was that for me fully honest i brought them because i was going to bring them home and have them as a little late night snack tonight or perhaps bring them out on the water with me in the morning will i go angling you're angling i'm gonna i'm? I'm going to angle tomorrow.

What are you hoping to catch? Hopefully just some big browns. Or some petite rainbows. I had a fucking... I had a bass last night that would have fucking knocked your socks off. Yeah? Bass. Rats of the sea.

How dare you? That's not even close to true. If it's not trout, I will not be eating it. Really? No, bass is delicious. Yeah, what the fuck are you talking about? You only like pink fish? Actually, I don't even know if I've only ever had brown trout.

Trout is very good. Why are you shaking those M&Ms in front of me like I'm a dog? You fool. Yeah, boy. I have to start working out today, actually. Why did you get these? I'm going to pour these down the drain. There's a little afternoon snack. After I go on my run.

This is going to completely wipe out any progress of a run. I found out, no it's not. I'm not going on the run to lose weight. I'm going on the run to condition myself for this hike that I have to do in the summer. 19 miles. Have you been a bad child no we're going on are your parents sending to you one of those corrective camps are you gonna get it scared straight no no no no you've got it all wrong believe it or not i'm going on a uh me and me

and my friends are going on a classic catch and cook in wyoming jackson i really like the tone we found all of a sudden this is a good space that we're in right now Yeah, this is Francis' wheelhouse I don't want to puncture this, keep going We're going on a catch and cook in Wyoming And we're out in the deep woods of northern Wyoming This should be spectacular Sublime

What's a catch and cook? So you just catch and cook it? We go out there, all we have is our rods and we have to survive for a week now we're bringing food okay we'll bring like uncrustables and shit you bring your own trout emergency reserves but is the idea that you will primarily survive on whatever you catch on fish yeah bro i've seen you fish this is a bad idea well he wants to lose weight right you don't have the skill well he's just gonna eat a 400 uncrustables and come back fatter than he was that's true that is an option that is the only man to face a dietary wilderness challenge and gain weight

that's definitely not a cost of nature valley bars there is a chance that that happens but the guys that i'm going with are really good so also also we're it's we're dry fly fishing because it's going to be july in wyoming which is like you throw a fucking cigarette butt on a hook out there and you're gonna get a bite sure so it's going to be a lot easier than what we did where we were up to our shoulders in water in negative 30 degrees right right where the fish bite once an hour what what's the catch and release i mean are you gonna have to measure the length of the fish in wyoming is there strict there where we're going it won't be strict uh especially if you're gonna eat them like who's checking there there is still limits but if you just eat it like okay but i'm sure in wyoming

it's it's much less strict like where i in New Jersey, it's catch and release only. Right. Of course. But in Wyoming, I think I looked it up. I think it was like six to ten trout a day per person. Wow. Yeah. But it's also the problem is when you go out to like places like that, it's all native trout.

So they're small. Native trout. Who was I talking to recently about how they had gone dove hunting in argentina and guess how many dove they shot in like a three-day trip a lot 300 foul like 3 000 whoa that's just a fucking massacre what the fuck of them that was 9-11 was 3000 that's like a full on tragedy you can it's a black sky and you can shoot anywhere

and they fall are people eating them? no I don't think you eat them so you just kill them for the fuck of it is there a dove infestation in Argentina? there must be an infestation it didn't even sound fun they do that with pike there a dove infestation in is it argentina yeah there must be an infestation i don't think it didn't even sound fun they do that with pike in certain places pike is like an invasive species

and people just kill them right like you just catch them and kill them or that whole boar hunting thing from the helicopter with a assault nar15 but like boar are they'll become feral and they'll like kill animals and run through crops what the fuck are the doves doing they're like can't be doing much they're a symbol for peace they are yeah that's like the most barbaric give me one don't you want a mid-sentence to do it don't you want some not anymore no, no. I did. Symbolically, killing a dove has to be like... That's like an affront to the gods. Killing a dove?

They're peace birds. What are they? I wonder if they carry disease. I wonder if they carry disease like rats. That's the best. I knew you'd be the best at that. Maybe they carry the bird flu, perhaps? No. You're a fool for thinking that.

Doves and pigeons must be related. They must. Francis? No, thank you. Just take a couple. I shan't. Francis knows Uh

Abstention He gave up Taking Hand candy Are you fucking kidding me I shall pass Jesus Christ Where are we

In Valencia These fucking oranges So what's going on You gotta go to Fucking Milwaukee now To do your favorite podcast Don't say that bro Which one do you like more

Ours or that one? Ours. Ours or that fucking shit show podcast? I fucking love ours. I was talking to Dave yesterday. He said he doesn't know if Pat's going to get re-signed. Really? Portnoy said that? It's a bar stool or the Bucs. Fuck.

See you on the employment line, brother. That's just him being a leader, honestly. It's just him being a fucking good-ass leader. Actually, I was talking to Dave about getting one of those custom champagne bottles with Pat Bev's name on it. And I'm going to pop it when his career fails. Oh, man. I guess it's pretty hard for your career to fail when you've been in the NBA for like 10 years.

I had a dream last night that Pat Bev came with me to a rap battle and someone slapped him. Slapped the sunglasses off of his face. We had to get in a massive brawl. Would you get in a brawl if someone slapped the sunglasses off of my face? What? Absolutely not. A hundred percent I would. You'd be like, save this.

We're going to talk about it on the podcast. This is good. This is good. This is good. Wait, let me take a picture of his handprint. And then you would go do, if Pat Bev, someone slapped Pat Bev, you'd be fucking. There's also no way anyone could ever slap the sunglasses off your face because there's a chance, good chance, that there's going to be croquis on the back. Yeah. Floating croquis.

I don't fucking wear croquis. You definitely wear croquis. You definitely wear croquis. Those are going to be polarized glint or reducing so that you can see the trout through the river. That's just polarized. They would ring around his head like a horseshoe on a... Yeah. You bought them inside a rotating glass tower at like an REI. Yeah. If you notice that Roan has dreams about defending his other podcast co-host.

Not good for us. No, not at all. You don't think I've had a dream about you? He has dreams about having to get in the mud and brawl to the death because someone touched Pat Bev. I had a dream. And then he comes here and he's like. I had a dream that me and you were shooting guns.

Yeah. And what you, the dream was that you turned and unloaded on me. And you said, finally, I can move to Milwaukee full time. My dream, my dream city of Milwaukee. I had a dream that Francis and I were at a playhouse in the front row. Really? But we were being watched. Hmm.

How are you remembering all these? They're not real. I know they're dreams. You've been duped. No, they're dreams. The dreams aren't real either he's playing with you that's not true this will be on viva la stool i'm playing with you i remember so many more of my dreams since i stopped smoking weed i remember like everything in vivid detail i

don't remember dreams i i don't yeah i know i have them now i could sit back and like if i if i sat down with a notebook in like the five minutes after i wake up and didn't look at my phone i could tell you like five different detailed dreams that i went to damn i used to keep a dream journal i did you didn't have to tell us that bro i was training myself to could have kept that one for the fucking log bro what is it called when you when you can control lucid dreamings i was training myself to lucid dream really i've been trying to train myself to wet dream how yeah fortunately keep waking up with a dry bed and for lucid dreaming the way you train yourself is throughout the day you ask yourself am i dreaming am i dreaming and you answer yourself no every time.

And then once... Sounds like someone who's never trained themselves to lose a dream. I 100% have. And it worked. Did it work? Yes. Well, I had a much different technique and my technique was way better and cooler. Tell us your technique and we can be the judges. Well, I was going to try and link it to what would the way of training yourself to wet

dream be if there was a parallel. Am I coming? Yeah, exactly. And you couldn't get there because you stepped on your punchline. I did. And I made it better than either of you could possibly imagine. No, you didn't even have a punchline. You just disagreed, and you didn't even know where he was going. Pat Bev would have riffed on that perfectly.

Here's my impression of Sass in an improv class. No, but. No, but. Francis from the top of the road. Right. no but francis from the top of the road right now my technique was uh i would take my finger and i would put it in my hand throughout the day throughout the day once an hour usually whenever i whenever i remembered which would be often and then when you're dreaming and then you take your hand and you put it through your finger and it goes through the other side and then you go oh

my fucking god i'm jesus christ kate upton tits kate upton tits kate upton tits am i coming because then you can control your dream and you can do whatever you want so the joke there was that i wanted to see kate upton's tits oh no actually what i did do was i said i'm gonna fly and then i flew in the i was in the dream i was in the bathroom getting into the shower and then i flew in the i was in the dream i was in the bathroom getting into the shower and then i went like this and i went through and i started flying around my house and then i woke up and it was over and i never did it again because whenever i would lose a dream i'd be aware that i was dreaming and then i'd know waking up is an option and i'd have to

like fight to stay in the dream yeah because as soon as you realize that yeah that you'd wake up instantly so it seems like i have done it. You have. And I respect your path. Thank you, King. Every time I've ever been mildly aware that I was dreaming, I have desperately wanted to wake up. Why?

Because it's negative? That feeling of paralysis and there's, it's almost always that there's a bad thing happening in the dream that I want to end. I'm about to be attacked. And I fight and force myself to wake up. Are you pretty good at it? It's hard.

It's harder than a workout. It's like doing a weighted sit-up. It's so... Yes, exactly. Like you fight your way out of it. And then you sit up. It's so, yes, exactly. Like you fight your way out of it and then you wake up. And there have been times where I was so relieved

to wake up that I wouldn't allow myself to go back to sleep for a while. So I'd stand up and get out of bed and walk around. Because I worry,

if you let yourself fall right back asleep, you go right back to where you were and the monster's even closer now. Have you ever tried to, have you ever had a good dream where you wake up and you try and get yourself to fall back asleep?

Yeah, yeah. When I was a child, those stopped a long time ago. And then you wake up and you can't get back in it and you're, fuck. And flip to the next track. A trick that I would use to kind of protect my dreams is to bring the things I didn't want to dream about into my conscience before I fell asleep so they didn't reside in my subconscious. Interesting. So like right before I slept, I'd think about the things I didn't want to dream about, and they would never visit me in my dreams.

Both of you have done so much work on yourselves. I did that when I was probably 10. I've taken a lot of this for granted. I've just really assumed that I have no control over my dreams. Oh, you have much control. Plenty. Do you think there's any relation between the way that you dream when you're sleeping and talking about dreams in terms of life?

I dream of doing this. No. What do you mean? Like manifestation? Yeah, vision boards and all that. I think it's more that your dreams are all like an allegory for something that's happening in your life. Or often, not all, but I think often it's like, this is, I'm dreaming of this, my teeth falling out because of like I'm lying or something like that. Sleep has now gotten to a point where when I go to bed at night the only thought i have

is please god let me sleep through the night and it's it's a really sad i don't look forward to sleeping why because i'm so bad at it now what's happened i don't know stress is it because you're off the cush i think that helped getting off yeah interesting i think that's helped my sleep fundamentally man i can't relate to this at all what or did you never have a problem sleeping i've never really had a problem sleeping it's more from like um like back pain or having a deviated septum those those types of physical ailments get in the way but nothing mental i have been considering going back to taping my mouth shut while I sleep. Oh, don't be one of those fucking freaks.

I did it for a bit. The problem was I kept waking up and forgetting that I had taken this on. So I thought I was being held hostage. Dude, that shit is crazy. That's terrifying when you wake up and your mouth is taped shut and you can't remember putting it there. It's got to be terrifying for your wife. Well, I thought it was her that had done it.

Why are my hands bound, too? She wakes up and she just sees you and you're just... Untape me! I want to do it, but my septum is so badly deviated that I probably would die in my sleep. I should probably get the fucking surgery, honestly. that I probably would die in my sleep. I should probably get the fucking surgery, honestly. I had the surgery,

and everyone else will tell you to do it, and I will tell you not to. Really? Why? Because at least my nose was so broken from that fight I got into with the lobsterman. Oh, yes, yes, yes. That it had healed over the left nostril, and they had to go in and re-break the entire nose. I think the doctor took

a fucking shovel to my face he just disliked you he was like we're gonna just start let's break it into the smallest bone shards we can turn it into cake smash yeah we're gonna go from we're gonna go from square one on this nose we're not doing any fine tuning we're just gonna bang it and then mold it a big that's what they did to my arm when i broke it when i woke up i had so much blood in my stomach they're meant to vacuum a lot of it out but they hadn't done a very good job plus i'd been under for seven hours or some shit oh what i was really bad that's like a brain surgery yeah what the fuck and they and you're prone. So all the blood drains from your septum down into your stomach and your body has this natural response.

Whenever you are swallowing lots of blood into your stomach, it's your body's way of letting you know you have internal bleeding. There's something really wrong with your system. So it makes you very nauseous because it wants you to throw up the blood to let you know, hey, you got to fix something. Yeah. And they did not vacuum the blood out of my stomach enough so i had a ton in there and we left the hospital they released us because they didn't want us there anymore and we were where was this mexico mount sinai up on like 97th and park or whatever and we went back to my sister's apartment where i was staying my mom was with me and we walked in and i was telling my mom i was really nauseous in the uber back we got into there and i went straight to the

bathroom and grabbed this oh man she had this decorative tin trash waste bucket yeah and i grabbed it to throw up in it and brought it to my face so fast that i hit my nose and i threw up so violently all this blood into it that the packing from my nose surgery just an hour or two before all came out. And when I say that blood was shooting out of my face,

out of my nose. Like a fire hose? This has happened to me twice in my life. One time when I hit my head on the anchor that I dove off of and it was shooting out.

And then this time that was coming out of both nostrils. Like pouring dark blood. pouring dark blood to go back to the hospital we called them we were about to call an ambulance and then we tried to shove the i can't even think about this oh my god it was so horrific that we had to shove plugged tissue back up and then luckily it sort of staunched it and settled it and we didn't go back damn but my sister walked in just as this had happened and my sister goes how did it go and my mom goes we're not doing well and then my sister saw my face i mean there's blood all over the floor through the waist how old were you 25 6 no 27 it was two months before i started at barstool you're about to join the 27 club out of

a fucking nose septum surgery you would have been probably the first person to die from nose surgery that's really bad damn that's hilarious did you feel it when they were breaking your nose? No, I was under. Oh. So I should or shouldn't get a surgery? I would go see how bad yours is and see what they say. I think there's like an 80% blockage in one of my nostrils. If they're like, you're going to have to, we're going to have to break your entire nose. This is a disaster. Well, isn't that what they do though anyway? Is this from doing Oxy so much?

a disaster well isn't that what they do though anyway is this from doing so much don't know but i'm curious what what francis's painkiller situation was like after he had that nose surgery it was percocets or vicodins or one of them it's probably at that point i needed them but that but i needed them for four days and then you have a supply for two months. So I flushed them. For extra. And then all the trout in the Hudson became addicts. Yeah, they were easier to kill. That's why Francis, or that's why SAS is able to go up to Wyoming and fucking mow down these fucking poor trout.

Googly-eyed heroin addict trout. What do they call those zombie trouts? Yeah, they're just like, can I get a hit? Look at that bike. Let me suck your dick for that jewel. Suck your dick for that cigarette butt dangling. All right. All right.

Cool. That was a good episode. Great. Thank you guys for listening. We will see you on Monday or Tuesday. Goodbye.