Son of a Boy Dad - Cool Comic Tommy | Son of a Boy Dad #160 ft. Smokes

Episode Date: December 28, 2023

Cool Comic Tommy | Son of a Boy Dad #160 ft. Smokes -- Lil Sas & Rone are joined by Tommy Smokes -- Follow us on our socials: https://linktr.ee/sonofaboydad -- Merch: https://store.barstoolsports.com/collections/son-of-a-boy-dad -- Ad: Head to https://FACTORMEALS.com/son50 and use code son50 to get 50% off. -- SUBSCRIBE TO THE YOUTUBE #SonOfABoyDad #BarstoolSportsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, Son of a Boy Dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. And launch assess. Alrighty, welcome back to the Son of a Boy Dad podcast. Today is a date that we do not know because it is currently... It's a different date, and basically you're in the future and we're in the past but you might not even be listening to this on the day that it comes out so the date doesn't even

necessarily really matter that much it's true i like to assume that everyone's listening the second it comes out though but i thought it's a it's an undisclosed date and i need a vacation if you know what i mean you guys are evergreen oh evergreen. And I always need a vacation and a cold drink in my hand. Exactly. Like a fucking Jimmy Buffett song. A Jimmy Buffett song. I need a vacation. I play too much PlayStation.

I want to be on the beach every day. Tell me how you like in Chicago. Love it. Windy City. How do you like it Chicago. Love it. Windy City. How do you like it? Give us something. Give us something. Sorry, I had a potato chip in the back of my throat. A lot of people were saying

you might be moving out here. Yeah, a lot of people were saying they were actually building my own office out here. Oh, really? Yeah. I heard they made the blitz. I heard that Big T and fucking White Sox Dave sat you down and made a blitz on you. They made a serious pitch to have you join the content bullpen. We have a crew and we need a third. Bad.

Yeah. I heard you guys are about to start doing fashion influencing. Me, Big T, and White Sox Dave? With your little Abercrombie shirt. It's not a bad shirt. It's your best shirt you've ever had. Wow. I have another one in a very similar but slightly different color.

Be on the lookout for that. I could teach you a couple things about fashion if you need tips. Oh, should I wear a beanie? Yeah. How often do you wash that? I washed it a couple days ago. That doesn't answer my question. That was the first time I've ever washed it.

That does answer my question. My mom asked me what I wanted for Christmas, and I sent her the exact same beanie. Why? Because yours has too many knits? No, mine's just stretched out and it doesn't really stay up. I got to adjust it

constantly. Oh, it falls down? It's droopy? It's so stretched. It's not erect? No, I need a new firm one. It's because you're

getting a big head, bro. I asked for a green one. Neon. Car heart. What? I asked for one of those neon green

car heart beanies. Why? Just think those are swagger as hell. You're about to move to Brooklyn for real. I can tell. The writing's for sure on the wall. I'm getting adjusted. Do you wear those every time you do stand-up?

You wear the same one? Is it like your thing? No, it's because my hair's too long. There's a solution for that. You get a haircut? Yeah. I don't like getting haircuts. All right.

Between a rock and a hard place. I love when I get a haircut because it's so much easier, and then I just don't get it cut for another... I haven't gotten a haircut since the Barstool 20th anniversary. You just said you don't like getting haircuts but you love when you get a haircut. Yeah, but I don't like the act of getting it cut. Why, it hurts?

Because 90% of the time they fuck it up. You got sensitive ass follicles? They do. Barbers love bragging that they could cut hair. Like, I'll ask for a trim. I'll be like, just a little trim. And they always take way more off. Yeah, and then you leave looking like fucking Ellen DeGeneres. Yeah, it's like, I get it. You can cut hair. You don't have to prove it and cut more than I ask for a trim. I'll be like, just a little trim. And they always take way more off. Yeah, and then you leave looking like fucking Ellen DeGeneres. Yeah, it's like, I get it.

You can cut hair. You don't have to prove it and cut more than I ask for. Yeah, it's annoying as fuck. Especially in New York. The barbers in New York, they don't really cut my hair well. I got to go back to Massachusetts and go to Supercuts. Yeah, they always try and give you a take-up. My girls over at Supercuts really know what they're doing.

Yeah, you need the girls, not the Dominican boys. I don't trust a woman barber. I only trust a woman barber. You need the girls, not the Dominican boys. I don't trust a woman barber. I only trust a woman barber. You know, there's this, like, woman barber that is by our office on, like, maybe across from that Peruvian place we went to that one time. Oh, yeah. On the same street as Pasillo's.

But there's this woman barber, and she always wears, like, blue miniskirts. Like, she's in the 1950s, and she has a man who drives a fucking bright blue convertible that they park right outside of the barber shop she's like a movie character i've never seen anything like it she's probably terrible at cutting hair but she's very stimulating as far as just an interesting different character you need those yeah you should try it try her ass out but other than that i think all the barbers in New York are Dominican boys. Yeah, the Dominican boys really fuck that shit up. No, there's a lot of Russians.

A lot of Russians. A lot of Russians. I go to a lot. I was actually, there's a Russian barber right near the office that I go to sometimes. Yeah, my guy's Russian. A lot of Russians. Yeah, my guy's Russian too. A lot of Russian.

And they would claim Ukrainian for about a year. Oh, yeah, yeah. They would like falsely claim that they're from Ukraine. Like, I just moved here from Ukraine. I just moved here from St. Oh, yeah, yeah. They would like falsely claim that they're from the Ukraine. They're like, I just moved here from Ukraine. I just moved here from St. Petersburg, Ukraine. I mean, Kiev. Lying assholes.

Lying asses. But yeah, you can't trust them. Or you also can't trust people who hit you up online. They're like, dude, you gotta let me cut your hair. I've never had that. I've had that.

Yeah, it's like freak. Why do you want your hands on my hair so bad? They probably just want you yeah it's like freak why do you want your hands on my hair so bad they probably just want you to promote the barber that i went to that i think i was the only person that ever went to this barber the the the entire shop was the size of a bathroom and there was one chair and uh and the dude was like uh i see uh first of all he was shitting on dave's pizza reviews to me. Like not knowing you were coming out.

No, I told him I worked at a bar store. That would have been funny if it was just on his mind. Yeah. What nationality are you about to do? I don't know what nationality he was. Well, take a guess. But then it's not offensive. I wasn't going to do a nationality.

You were like, I see. No, that's just how I talk. Oh, got it. I was going to do a nationality. I forget. I don't know what he is. I don't know what he is. So I backed out

But he Let's make him Japanese Yeah we'll make him Japanese So He took out the Hattori Hanzo blade He was asking about Dave and KFC constantly Saying they should come get their hair cut at his place How old was he?

Probably 60s How much does Dave make? Is he a good boss? Oh, one minute, man. That's literally what he was like. He was asking a lot about one minute, man. But he said, apparently Dave gave a bad review

to one of his friend's pizza shops. And he was like, what gives him the rights? What makes him be the god of pizza? Like it's the beginning of Batman? Yeah yeah what makes him better than you or me i'm not wearing hockey pads yes tell me chime in whenever you feel i was laughing try and keep up with this just an honor to watch your boys work don't say that we need a three-man weave what makes you better than me what makes weave. What makes you better than me?

What makes you better than me? No. No, I did it too. Not even close to Japanese. Not nearly enough grunting. But they weren't Japanese in Batman. I know. We're trying to add our own little.

Oh, I could do Japanese. People really like when we do Japanese. Japanese Batman. Oh. Japanese. Japanese. Where is she? Where is she? Where is Rachel?

I am not the hero that the city wants, sir. I am not wearing hockey pads. First, I'll break your spirit. That's Japanese Bane. That was Chinese, and that was racist. First, I'll break your spirit, and then your body. That was Chinese, and that was just straight up break your spirit And then your body That was Chinese And that was just

Straight up racist We're all doing a very We're gonna have to cut that First I will break your spirit And then your body Now we'll have to cut that You don't know anything About Japanese culture do you

I know a lot Like what Sushi is the first Sushi is the first thing That came to my mind That's racist dude What about fucking That baseball Gyro dreams of. What about fucking that baseball?

Gyro dreams of sushi. What about the baseball player? And you said on another show that sushi is a. You see how he says Shohei Otani. Shohei Otani. Not Italian, dude. Otani. I just so naturally talk with a heavy Italian accent.

A lot of people don't know that Gabagool is Capicola. Oh, I knew that. I said a lot of people don't know that. Obviously you as a Dago Wap Guinea would know that. Well, easy. I mean, Ferone, I guess you're allowed to say. Of course I could say it. Sass, on the other hand, couldn't say it.

But he has one word that we can't say. I don't think I'm allowed to say that word either. Yeah, you are. No, I'm not. The K word? I'm half Jewish. Yeah. Were you? Did you make like a bar mitzvah? No, I don't understand what people don't understand about this.

People constantly ask me. Muka asked me the other day if I celebrate Christmas. I was confirmed in the Catholic Church. Yeah, but. Oh, so you're just Catholic. I just told the people one day that my dad is Jewish and now everyone suddenly is like, why don't you wear a yarmulke everywhere? Why haven't you condemned Tomas online?

Why aren't you putting I stand with Israel stories? I'm not actually Jewish. I'm ethnically part Jewish. You're Israeli. You're not Jewish. You're Israeli. Yes, exactly. Where do you stand on the pen president that had to step down?

That'll determine how Jewish you are. Brother, I stand with whatever SNL stands with. They really should. Oh, well, this was weeks ago now. This is dated. Yeah, I was just going to say that. The war might even be over by now. Or it might have gotten considerably worse.

For the holidays. We might be dead. Sass, you have to put this out somehow. You need to schedule this out somehow. You need to schedule this. I know. You just schedule this like a fucking bomb. Or like have it scheduled every day and you need to put in like a password so it doesn't come out.

Yeah. Like some very sensitive information. That's a good idea. Shit is sensitive information. Shit's sensitive, bro. So sensitive. So sensitive. So they really put the press on you to move out here? Yeah. Who? Every week that I'm out the press on you to move out here? Yeah.

Who? Every week that I'm out here. Every week I'm out here. Give me names. Big T. I got a question. How come you have been coming out? Advisors.

And what do you do on that show? Give stats. Give stats to the people. How many words do you think you say a week? Five stats. For a money standpoint. Around 100. for a money standpoint from the company wouldn't it make more sense to just film your part in no it's different when i'm in the room the magic the chemistry that we have in the room well do you ever like uh answer back to somebody and yeah yeah

yeah someone doesn't watch it right we have you know i'm not much i know my place i know my don't they have like they could just film their part on, like, Wednesday and then film your part on Thursday. Yeah, but it's different. Then we can't go back and forth.

We could go back and forth remotely because Dave does a lot of his shows from other places. I'm just thinking from a financial, because they just

re-signed me. Well, I'm sponsored. Wood has sponsored me. I know there's going to be a lot of people getting fired because my contract was so big.

Oh, congrats. Yeah, $350. Oh, nice. Almost as much fired because my contract was so big. Oh, congrats. Yeah, $350. Oh, nice. Almost as much as me. Dave was feeling generous. Actually, it's a good time to talk to Dave right now. Dave is like Ebenezer Scrooge. He's like Meyer Rothschild.

He's just giving out money. Really? Meyer Rothschild is the head of the Rothschild. I'm supposed to hold back on mine. I didn't even come close to $350. $325, whatever. I'll deal with it. $365,000 for every day of the year.

I wonder how long I could say $350,000 until people start believing that. Not long. People believe that quick. I hear a rumor about somebody's salary, and I believe it forever. Constantly. The best one was Kelly and Vegas. From what I've heard in the office, I think Roan makes $20 million a year. Yes, I've heard that from Roan himself.

Yeah, I took a negotiating class. I make $1 million a year. I also had to lay ron himself yeah i took a negotiating class i make a million dollars a year i also had to lay off half the company to keep ron's salary yeah but because the negotiating class took so hard yeah like they didn't know what to do otherwise yeah i really took a negotiating class you did no i i did uh the uh what's it called the uh master class i got master class for for Christmas a couple years ago. And I did the negotiating Masterclass. And Masterclass is a thing that you have to unsubscribe every year. Yeah.

Or they're just going to charge you the full price. Rowan's got a spare bedroom in Daveson and Tuckett, man. Oh, yeah. I'm sure. I negotiated into it. Yeah. Vision leads decision. Who taught the class

uh this like former fbi negotiator really that feels like way different negotiation i know please don't murder this family that's much different than asking for a raise i have 10,000 more dollars i know it's like hostage negotiation it's like also fbi and negotiators aren't the ones that are asking for money it's usually the terrorists that are asking for money yeah well he's negotiating with the terrorists but the fbi agent is never like how about how about 15 000 instead of instead of 25 well the fbi the united states isn't going to negotiate with terrorists so this was probably a bad example to use so uh so you you think that i i got like a raw deal in my class i think that's a pretty good deal.

How much was it? The class? Yeah. It was a gift, but I had to pay for it. Or maybe I had to pay for the second year or something. Someone just sent you a link to sign up? Basically. Or I think maybe the first year I got for free,

but I have forgotten to unsubscribe for the last two years. And so I would always like, I probably have an alarm in my phone for like the last day of the year to unsubscribe. but the alarm will come up and i'll be doing something that means absolutely nothing and i'll just swipe up on the alarm you need it when when your contract's up again i just went through my phone i just went through my phone the other day and canceled a bunch of subscriptions shit that i've never used that i'm still being charged for i got an apple charge on my credit card the other day for 8686. Yeah. Something that I didn't. Yeah.

But I think I trust Apple charges. 86 though. 86 is so random. It's got to be something. That's whenever I see an Apple charge, it's got to be something. I didn't even know. Or they're like,

you're out of storage. Like, bitch, what? Bitch, you're the storage. Yes. Okay.

Tommy, that's, that's why we have a guy like Tommy on the show. No, that was quick quick lightning quick uh when do you fly I love seeing you guys I love fucking seeing you guys when you flying back I got a 3 p.m flight tomorrow so you know um we're doing radio here tomorrow then 3 p.m flight so hopefully I'm gonna get to the Christmas party right by the time it's turning into the after party are you staying out here a day extra so you can go to the after party? Yes.

No. I'm staying out here because we're doing radio tomorrow. Oh, okay. I was like, should we be staying here? Is that what's happening? What are you going to stay for the surviving barstool after party for? It's hosted by me, Che, and Hank. It's not the Christmas party?

No, no. It's the surviving barstool after party hosted by Tommy Che. Is it at River North? At Stool River North, yeah. Oh, okay. party no no it's the driving bar still after party hosted by tommy chain where is it at river north at stool river north yeah oh okay yeah i think the whole i think pretty much everybody here is gonna go to that but the graphic is just me jay and hank somehow yeah it's gonna be you guys there's a graphic that's like fans there i mean yeah smokes is on the graphic i think there's gonna be some fucking fans there damn there's gonna be uh nicky smokes that sounds terrible at a table dumping you don't like your fans?

No, he doesn't like you, Che, and Hank. Who else would you rather go to an after party with? I'm going to go home and play video games. Do you have local baddies that you're going to be bringing through? No, no. You can't. You can't. Bring sand to the beach.

Yeah, you don't bring sand to the beach. That makes sense. You've got to tell Nicky Smokes that. He was trying to bring a girl to the Christmas party, apparently. Yeah, no. You know what I'll bring? I'll bring a fucking fishing rod. See what's out there.

Truth. Ask the fucking line. Maybe a stick of dynamite. A stick of dynamite? Blow the place up? No, I'm saying fishing with dynamite would be easier to fish. I think I'm going to blow the place up if I don't get laid. Oh, got it. Yeah.

Yeah. That also works. Yeah, that's... Whenever a woman doesn't have sex with me, I get really angry at her. You try to fist fight her and lose often. Yeah, it makes me hate all women. But how would you know you didn't get laid to blow up the place? Well, like, as I'm leaving.

Throw it, throw it. It's like, oh, struck out. Is that the final cast? Is that, like, when I go fishing and I'm like, all right, one more cast? Yeah, yeah. It's like, oh, all right, I'm leaving. Yeah. On the way out.

No one? I hate to light this hot dog package of dynamite. Scoop. We call it a scoop and score. On the way out, you pick it up, score. Yeah, at the door as the lights go on. No, that's not my game. I can't be a scoop and score guy.

No, you're a long game guy. I saw Camille Kostick commenting on your Instagram. Yeah. She cool. She cool. We friends. Who's Camille Kostick? Gronk's wife.

Oh, really? Former Sports Illustrated swimsuit cover model. Ever hear of her? There's like a thousand of those. No, there's about... They're just handing them out these days. I could be on the Sports Illustrated cover if I want. Not with those fucking nipples.

Sports Illustrated for boys. You guys ever read that? For kids. Yeah. Sports Illustrated for kids swimsuit edition. That's what they want. But yeah, she commented on your rap song. Yeah, I honestly didn't.

I was like, oh, nice. And scrolled past it. You know what? I did not scroll past. Tyler Cameron followed me on Instagram. and now they gave an audible who's tyler cameron like the hottest guy ever from the bachelorette bachelor shit that's really cool you should tell people about that i just i just did we'll cut it whatever we partied once together so it's not even a big deal i think he's almost getting oh you guys want to hear a funny story that i haven't told anywhere else yet? Sure. Clip this. Pre-clip this.

So, you know, I'm going to try to think of how to phrase this in an appropriate way. But, you know, a lot of times we get recognized by people. They have a white skin. Okay. Right? And, you know, sometimes if... I already don't like where it's going. Rome might be different. But a lot of times i feel like if and if i do get recognized by a black guy like it's like his white friends

told him about barstool it's like the vibe that usually i get but but the other night saturday night outside a club waiting for the crew to arrive and this black guy he was really cool looking i don't know how else to say it he was just a really cool how did he look what was he wearing he had like a hat on oh earrings uh like a a shirt an unbuttoned fly like he yeah no i get it picture cool black picture him like in in the dictionary and he goes smokes and i like like checked out checked both ways and i was like yeah what's up man big fan tapped him up and then as he was walking away i turned the group i was like oh my god everybody like stay cool and i guess i said that too loud and he heard it and he came back and he was like are you just saying that because i'm like a cool black guy and i was like honestly man yeah it's like usually it's like fratty white guys he was like

i respect that i respect you being honest with me so that was a beautiful it was maybe yeah that's the story that's good yeah we'll cut that out. Yeah, we'll cut that out. That's a good story. Me and Sass actually have black friends, though. Yeah, we do. I have a lot. I have black family. And fans.

I have a lot of black fans. So much so that I tell. I don't believe you. Every time. You got recognized by a black dude. It was different. It might have been an HDBT. Might have been had to be there. Might have been had to be there.

It sounds like it was had to be there. It's not. If the story was just bad. Might have been had to be there. Might have been had to be there. It sounds like it was had to be there. It's not. If the story was just a cool black guy recognized me, I agree. That's not much of a story. That was the entire story. That was the whole story. Him hearing me freak out about it and then coming back to confront me over it. But you use 90% of the story as the cool black dude recognizing you and then you just like brushed over it.

It's called a punchline, brother. Ever hear of it? Yeah, it wasn't great. It needs work. We was a work on that one we'll work on that one it was a late punchline i'm coming for your stand-up crown in 2024 i might start i might start spitting on the mic we'll see i got i got the itch you're gonna spit on the mic you're coming for both of our crowns yeah that's true i'm a rapping stand- up comedian you're gonna be like you're gonna do open mics we'll see if I have to

if I have to start there I'll start there your problem is though that you gotta get out of the intentionally bad though and be intentionally good but it was good

it was good experience to do intentionally bad why cause it got me up there on a stage stood behind a mic oh you did stand up I lost a bet

for please end this and by now it's probably out I had to do stand up written by everybody else and please end this and by now it's probably out i had to do stand up written by everybody else and it was so bad it was intentionally bad mikey ben we did an open mic no it was a show not a stand-up ny you passed there yes and uh yeah i did i did five minutes and it absolutely bombed what what show was it was a like a house show yeah rich boss was it was like his show and there were a couple other comedians. You did Rich Voss's show?

Yeah. Did he hate you? No, he knew what was going on. He was like fine with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, what was a really lucky break is the day before the show, he posted. How did you end up on Rich Voss's show? He posted a picture of Daveave on instagram and was like this

guy is a fucking patriot an american because rich voss is jewish yeah and it was right after dave was like i'm not hiring anyone from harvard so the timing thank god for those anti-semitic deans at the ivy league schools that helped our timing there that's good did you just lie and say you're jewish i didn't i i think he just assumed that and what did you say that were you like how did you contextualize it to him you i actually you gotta break this down for me did you get caroline reached out no caroline reached out to the club itself maybe and they were like the show runners there were like yeah we'll put you on this show like we'll run it by rich voss and he was it. Okay. And what did they say to Rich Voss?

You know Rich Voss? Do you know who he is? I do now. I did not. He won the first season of Last Comic Standing, right? Yeah. He's like a really old comedian. No, I know.

Not old. He's like an OG. It was like him and Ralphie May. I remember him making fun of Dat Fan. Yeah. He hosted Woodstock 99. Wow. So yeah, he's been in the game.

Almost as long as Bada Boopay. Yeah, he came up with all those big guys like Patrice O'Neal and all that crew. Yeah, I know him now. Rich Voss, the legend on Instagram. Yeah. You know? Yeah. You worked together before?

No, but I've seen him at the stand a bunch. We don't typically work together. Yeah, well, we do. Bada Boopay and Voss, dynamic duo. I just don't we don't typically work together yeah well we do i just don't understand someone it's so funny that you were on a show that you did stand up as a joke and you were on a show with rich ball he did afterwards address it where he was like he wasn't thrilled with i don't think he was thrilled with the turnout like it was like 25 people and then like 15 barstool people yeah that sounds like stand-up new york and he was like uh he was like i come he's like i used to come to this show i just show us here and get tv auditions now i might get to go on a podcast on barstool sports

yeah that's kind of his whole like yeah shtick though making jokes barstool podcast no just like shitting on like he's like a very like he was he did a lot of crowd work yeah he's almost exclusively crowd work yeah he's really funny yeah he's a goat but uh i i just don't understand why someone will want you want to show when you're like i'm gonna be intentionally bad on your show yeah that's what i'm that's where i'm like i could see if it was like a house show but like also being rich voss's show because people want to have like they're like oh like i want to have this comic on my show because i think they're good i mean you know it's he knew what was going on it's you know how do you know he's getting all this publicity yeah that's true did you did you um did you get any laughs no no well at first because like

at first people assume you a comedian comes up and you assume he's gonna say something so like the first line or two i said which was not supposed to be funny. People just laughed out of, oh, this is going to be funny. Like something's coming out of this guy's mouth. And then not a single laugh. What did you say when you went up? They introduced me as, this is Mikey Bataboupe. He's open for Sebastian Maniscalco.

He's taping his new special for Tubi. And I walked up and I was like, hey guys. Rich Voss said all that? No, the host. Oh, okay. I thought Rich Voss was hosting this show. that's what he said he said Rich Voss hosted the show. Yeah this is what was throwing me off. Well like it was

Rich Voss' show. There was a host There was a host who did 10 there was me, host goes back up girl did 10, host Yeah I know how it works Well it doesn't seem like it Well because you said it was hosted by rich voss well whatever i do to the fucking game i don't know so did so so what did you say when you went on stage i mean the video's out now and people can go watch it uh but tell us

as well because we haven't it was like you know the first thing is something like i'm like you better boot boundaries to stand up for you guys tonight and then i put it down you're doing you did a voice yeah yeah yeah sign of the cross and then i was like yeah mikey badaboupe i'll do some stand-up for you guys tonight and then i put it down you're doing you did a voice yeah yeah yeah sign of the cross and then i was like yeah mikey badaboupe great to be here stand up and why how about those female comedians earlier and there was no female comedians earlier i was like they're giving me blue balls call me papa smurf and dead side there was an audible groan at a line where i said like hooked up with a chick in israel gave her a middle east infection audible groan that's not bad that's kind of funny

yeah it was Caroline who does stand up she's like she's never seen a worse bomb than that like she's never seen a crowd take less to a comedian which is exactly what we wanted but it did I was comfortable up there and a lot of people were saying oh smokes you got great stage presence you should try it for real yeah because you were like but to be fair

I was acting yeah you detached yourself from yourself yeah i was acting like if i went up there with my own jokes expecting laughs i'd be way more nervous but still so what's the plan for like is it going to be basically thursday thoughts that you repurpose as no no that's the thing about smokes when he's doing stand-up it's so different it's like i don't even want like barstool fans there because it's not the type of humor you'd expect to hear like how you gotta tune i feel like it's gonna be a lot of amazon prime in a couple years like an amazon prime well well well if is it if it isn't the old son of a boy dad listeners boy let's take a second for a minute and let's talk about factor all right i

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if you change your mind. That's lucy.co, promo code SUN to receive 20% off and always free shipping. Yeah, so Tommy's going to be fucking sick. I think there's potential in me. Yeah. Yeah, you got to do it though. But you got to do some

energetic groundwork. The longer I just talk about doing it, the longer it exists as a possibility. No, no, it's the opposite. I'm afraid to fail. It's like when I say

I'm going to start working out and everyone's like, no, you're not. Yeah, and you said that 10,000 times. Yeah, but I'm... People said that about me. I said I was going to quit drinking.

Look at me now. A couple of croissants. That's why I didn't golf for so long. I'm good. Like,, but I'm... People said that about me. I said I was going to quit drinking. Look at me now. A couple of croissants. That's why I didn't golf for so long. I'm good. Like, what if I'm an amazing golfer? That's what I thought about ice hockey. I was like, I probably am really good at ice hockey. Right.

I'll never try it, but the possibility existed for like 24 years ago. Schrodinger's ice hockey. A natural god at golf. But what the... But no one's really naturally good at stand-up. I disagree. No, it's like you're just not. Pat McAfee.

But there's a difference between Pat McAfee doing stand-up in front of a theater of his fans. What do you mean by naturally? I think there's people who are either... Like the best natural comedians, their first time doing stand-up, they still are terrible. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fair. But I'm saying there's people who I think can and can't. Yeah. There's people who naturally have it within them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fair. Yeah. But I'm saying like there's people who I think can and can't. Yeah.

There's people who are naturally like have it within them and people who... Yeah, definitely. And you're saying that you got it in... Oh, I got it in me. All right. We'll see. Yeah. Maybe.

I support it. I can tell you where to go to open mics. Yeah. I'll probably be doing them soon enough. Yeah, things going bad. My career's in the shitter. When are we getting a SaaS special? 10 years from now. Seven years. Seven seven years really yeah i'm thinking i was thinking

by 2026 i'm working quick like i mean i started rapping released an album maybe a week later like i work fast there's no i don't i don't put in the grind oh you're done oh that's it okay oh but we had to cut that little bit yeah true get back in here i i would like to i mean dude you should try it you should give it a go no i'm going to and i've said it going into 2022 i was with you i was i was in the last time i didn't open mic we were at the office and it was during barstool idol yeah it was it was 2022. Yeah, and I was sitting there and I, no, I was doing the roast battle. Yeah, you hosted a roast battle. Oh shit, I forgot about that.

That was terrible. That was the worst bomb I've ever had by a mile. I thought you were funny. No, that was a truth. The crowd did not. Oh, I've told that story before. I feel like I was on this podcast. Yeah, I've told that story before i feel like i was on this podcast yeah i've told that story when i was at we i i went to the show and they were like are you here for the roast battle oh

you didn't know and i was like what are you talking about and then i went up and they're like your cold opening and i had to go up and just start with material and it's all people who are just expecting a roast battle i did my first joke and this like 80 year old black lady to the to the right of the stage just goes tough crowd i was just i was and tommy's in the back i'm sweating yeah you were literally i was on stage i don't remember why i was just like yeah i'll go see your show that's what me and sass and seriously new year's resolution me and sass hanging out a lot that was like i did like six minutes that day yeah it was a very quick set. You got to come over

and watch ball sometime. Yeah, we've been watching a lot of ball. But you're not really a ball guy. Oh, NBA ball? God, no. Football? I'm the biggest football guy

in the world. No, you're not. I'm a bigger football guy than you. Are you on Barstool Sports Advisors giving out stats and trends every week?

Dude, anyone could give out stats. You just Google football stats. No, no. Yeah, if that's what you think I do, you're crazy. I have a subscription to a fucking database and trends every week dude anyone could give out stats you just google football stats yeah yeah if that's what you think i do you're crazy i i have a subscription to a fucking database where i build them all i all i see is the barstool advisors picks losing constantly it's not me 30 and 24 this year damn really on straight oh and and i think we talked about this last time i was on my cbs sports pool 100 of us first place right now through the year against the spread.

Daniel Tochi's on my ass, but Scabelli's in first. Yeah, but in our fantasy football league that we're in, neither of us made the playoffs. I should have. I had a lot of points. I didn't make the playoffs. You didn't make the playoffs in the league that we're in. I'm in so many leagues.

I'm in eight leagues. That's pathetic. I wish I was in that many leagues. It's just too many. I have that many friend groups. I think it's like I want to put it all in one. I'm only in two public leagues and everyone else is friend groups. So six leagues with friend groups.

You're in two public leagues? Like random people on ESL? Dude, he does drafts. That's insane. In July. He does mock drafts in July. Oh, I don't mind mock drafts. No, full drafts.

I don't even do the mock. So I'm just like, okay, this is my team for the year. Or maybe he did one mock. I love the game. I love the game. Tell me, when you bet, when you said you were 38 and 24? 30 and 24, so only six units above 500.

With the juice, that's probably like one unit above 500. Do you bet straight or do parlays? Straight. I do straight. I mean, there's

occasionally I'll do a parlay, but that record is straight. Crazy. I can't imagine But I mean, we're talking, I've picked every game against

the spread this year. I think I'm hitting like 60% in that pool. That's nothing to scoff at absolutely what is a betting you keep on talking about this betting competition what even is that it's just whoever so that's I'm in another betting competition but I crapped out of that because I did too many parlays parlays fuck you they're the best I would like parlay all the games against one game so if the one game lost I'd lose all my shit for the week like I was in first place week two drop down was out of the fucking competition by a week and you're in bet i'm in a uh it's like on cbs sports where it's like 100 100 people you just got to pick the spread for every game

oh you don't actually have to bet it no i do but yeah you don't actually have to though thomas coming to a sixers game too yeah you're gonna cash the invite to that to what Sixers game too. Yeah. Sixers-Knicks. Oh, you didn't catch the invite to that? To what? Sixers? Sixers-Knicks. I'm a Celtics fan. In Philly. Are we Friday, January 5th? I like to root for good teams.

Broan called me up. He said, me and my friends are going to a Sixers game. We got a box. You want to come? You're the first person I'm asking. Damn, really?

Yeah. That's cool. I'll be there. Because I knew he, I knew John... Is that your first time going to a game in a box? No. I used to be a beat to a game in a box? No.

I used to be a beat reporter. So the press box? Yeah. I forgot to tell you, Tommy, that is not free. What do you mean? Like, we're all paying our share of the box. How much would that be? I mean, we could probably prorate it for you if you don't feel comfortable paying.

You made it seem like it's got to be like a house. You You made it seem like... It's got to be like a thousand. You definitely made it seem like it was free, to be clear. How? It was like, I'm inviting you to this box. We all got a box. Yeah, we're all doing it. We're all doing it together. How much would it be?

I mean, yeah, I could throw that shit. We could prorate it. We could prorate it for you. I'm going to knock a little bit off for you. How much is it? $450. $450? I'll do $250. $250? for you i'm gonna knock a little bit off for you can we how much is it 450 dollars 200 50 50 okay 50 50 i'll cover the part of the deal baby you're gonna be there and everyone's gonna be looking at you like that's the guy that we all have to chip for money yeah i'm not

convinced he's serious i i feel like i am because you i'm what because i i assume like do the nba players get free tickets? He hosts a show with a guy on the 76ers. How do you think that works? Tyree kills mom. I love it. Hard Knocks is so good. Dude, the NFL players don't get like Fox seats.

Yeah, and my pretend. Joe Burrow does. He gave it to Jake Browning. It's his box. Correct. It's his personal box. You don't think that's comped? No.

No. It's absolutely... You don't think Joe Burrow and his contract has a box for his family? No. I would bet anything. I'd bet your life on it. All right. I'd bet your life on it.

Absolutely. You don't think the Bengals are like, hey, Joe Burrow, pay us fucking $20,000 a game. Dude, Tyree Kills' mom and girlfriend have to sit in like fucking the like i think it's different quarterback versus wide receiver especially a quarterback who just got a contract a new contract you watch the dolphins game when tyree kill was out for like one quarter it was bad without him i'm just saying i'm talking better than a quarterback that doesn't matter i'm talking like you give your franchise guy your quarterback here's a box you think fucking patrick mahomes taylor taylor like taylor swift is paying to go to that box yes brother you stupid so but that i mean even with that in mind i'm not getting a free

box i'm not fucking tyreek hill or joe burrow can we go can we go talk to the players before the game field passes, we got court. I mean, I'm gonna be in the building. I'm not gonna see PB. We'll find a way for you to see PB. We'll get there early. Go to the locker room. Go to the locker room?

I'll hang my media pass around your neck. Perfect. And so you can go down courtside, go in the bowels of the stadium and all that. Press room. Yeah. Talk to the coach. Been there, done that.

Okay, so that's nothing new for you. Family room. Have you been in the family room? No, not been to the family room. Okay, family room then. We could probably get you in the family room. We'll have to sneak you in there. I went to the family room at MetLife.

With who? Don't worry about it. Clay Aiken? Yeah. Where are you staying when worry about it. Clay Aiken? Yeah. Where are you staying when you go to Philly that night? Driving home after. You're answering for him?

Yeah, I just know his schedule. I thought he said he was staying the weekend. Staying the weekend? I don't know. Probably driving home after. Yeah, Sass. Sass, you want to go?

We ain't getting tipsy? No, I can't go. Oh, no. I'm busy that weekend. That's why I didn't invite you I'm not a ball guy I don't like basketball yikes

I find it to be incredibly boring I love it I know you would just stand in the corner fucking not talk to anybody anyway no I like

I like watching the last quarter of basketball games I know that Tommy's a social butterfly I also like playoff I like when the Celtics are doing well in the playoffs

I think I'll perform well in that box hopefully you're You're going to fucking shine. Yeah. And you're not going to... It's the Sixers-Knicks. He's a Knicks fan. No, I'll root for the Sixers. We can root for the Knicks. It doesn't matter. Yeah, it's not like the Celtics play each other anytime. Well, me and Dave

go to those games. Sorry, Dave. I'm going to the game with Sass. Have you been in a box with Dave at a game before? I've never even really been with Dave ever. Oh, that sucks. Tommy's been over Dave's house. Yeah. Like a bunch.

Yeah. Yeah. What do you guys do when that happens? Watch sports, watch Survivor, order chicken teriyaki bowls. Just you and him? Yeah. It's happened before. You guys watch Survivor?

He thinks we're fucking with him now. Yeah. I mean, this was like during the gambling run, but yeah. You know all this is getting cut. We already caught you at 27. No, no, no. This has got to stay. So 27 minutes with Tommy, what is this? A girl and me having sex three times? What is this?

Me and a girl having sex nine times? Yeah, either one was there. Nine. Either one was there for that. Nine is a little bit funnier. Nine would have been way funnier. Or once. I think it's obvious.

Or 27 times. 27 times would have been funny. If you did your cool cocky thing, if you said once, it would have made more sense for your character. Or like 52 times. I'm not a character. Yeah, you are. You said that on Barstool Radio the other day. I'm not a character.

Yeah, he admitted that. No, no, no. I admitted that I can't tell anymore. So I'm not a character. You can't tell where the character ends and where it ends? It sounds like you're schizophrenic. i might be or you have like multiple personality disorder no seriously everyone who knows me i'm a really good guy you sound like a japanese harvey dent kind of oh you don't know you only do chinese accents what is this never mind never

you're gonna say what's the difference? Well, you're a bigot. Wait, you guys will watch Survivor together? Survivor was on that night we put it on. Damn. So he thought he was going to mop up in surviving Barstool. Me and Dave have been playing Fortnite together. Yeah?

Yeah, he didn't want to play the OG, but once the new map came out, he's been grinding it. Yeah, I mean, that's fucking Dave. He gets into something, he grinds it. Yeah, of course. Most honest guy I know. He's got the Mr. Portnoy skin. He's got the People's Lawyer skin. Alright. Well, time to go on to bigger

and better things. So I was first for this episode? Oh, I was first or second? I'm first. I don't know. Are we even doing second? I don't know. Are we even doing second? I don't know. Should we just finish off with Tommy? We could do that.

What is this? Sex with Tom? Like, back to the 27 minutes thing? Yeah, I guess it's kind of the 27 minutes thing. Because I texted Big Cat and he didn't text me back.

What time is it? Uh-oh. Yeah, he's doing that thing. I guess you're not invited to move to Chicago. Who isn't? Yeah. Same Big Cat didn't text you back. Yeah. he's doing that thing. I guess you're not invited to move to Chicago. Who isn't? Yeah. Same big cat didn't text you back.

Yeah. Fuck. That sucks, dude. I'm not fucking with you. Big Cat pulled me aside and he said, pick three employees. We'll fire them and we'll give them your salary. Who'd you pick? We'll give you their salary.

No, no. I put that together. I picked Tommy, Rudy, and Caroline. Damn. Competition. I would have picked three highly paid employees. All right. Best we can do is a Dunkin' Donuts gift card.

Who else? Who would I? I'm trying to think who I'd take out. If you meant you would absorb their salary? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The obvious answer would be like Big Cat. No, but it's for Big Cat. Yeah, but you would make a lot.

Yeah, that's true. I guess I wouldn't care. One year with Big cat salary i'm yeah i would retire but his yeah i don't think he's that i don't think he's a big sal big salary i think he's big equity yeah that's true he's gotta do i not get the salary too i know but it's like i bet he makes a little more huh i bet he makes a little more than we do yeah i agree with that but i'm saying you could keep him around and benefit off of it while taking out people who have maybe closer salaries that that aren't in your orbit at all yeah true like who well for kelly in vegas she doesn't work here anymore i already absorbed i already absorbed that one up her 600 000 is that how much she was getting paid i feel like

that was a rumor that was a fucking that's what those are always my favorite ones when people just list a random employee and they're like 700k a year coach doug's is making eight hundred thousand dollars that coach doug's is making he's actually getting equity just him and the milton guys and then you're like no no. Are you fucking kidding me? I used to get so mad when I would hear shit like that. But sometimes. At HQ4 though,

it's no gossip. No gossip. No. It's just good vibes. It's just good vibes. You gotta have me over sometime. We're not talking gossip at HQ4. You've gotta have me over sometime.

Are you still in the area? Yes. What's your address? We live like blocks away from each other. How come you never hang out if you guys live so close? Like, Sass will come to Brooklyn

and hang out with me. No, he doesn't i'd have twice in the last like month okay sick invite yeah can we get a dinner together why can't we get a boss fucking asshole the better comedian than you'll ever be probably yeah uh yeah let's get a dinner separate from me and your dinner tommy yeah separate from me and your dinner and separate from me and your dinner says i don't know if you know this but i don't really drink anymore so like my priorities have more been focused on like production well he didn't say get a drink sound design get a dinner if you're mine automatically goes to drinks with dinner that's your problem not mine brother yeah that is my problem that's why i'm not drinking

anymore no i do i mean i'll drink at that dinner i'll throw them back yeah we gotta i love to drink are we what are you talking about? Wine or cocktails? Cocktails. Well, it depends. Beer is out. Oh, beer is so out. Are people not drinking beers these days? Yeah, it's out.

It's crazy. It's fully out. Ever since you stopped drinking beer. When we were doing the Christmas thing last night, my body was like pulsating with the thought of having a... Mook was drinking those frozen Coors Lights. The mountains bluer than ever. It looked good to you?

I wanted one so bad. Oh my God. That's so unhealthy. I know. Are you off drinking entirely? Yeah. 21 days. Why?

Because I'm an alcoholic. Like were you drinking a lot? Yes. Gotcha. Yeah. I mean, so I always feel like I'm not really though. Yes. Really.

I don't, everyone always said they're like, dude, you're 22. You're drinking. I was drinking like when I would go out, I would drink like well over 15 beers, sometimes over 20 beers. See, I drink often, but when I drink, I feel like I don't have 15 beers. But I think I was doing the math. I think I've drank more days than I haven't this year, which does seem like a lot. Yeah, but if you can do it in moderation, like if you can go out and drink like three beers that's not like who does i mean i'm having more you know cocktails yeah but then still three cocktails who cares like i would like i went home for thanksgiving on wednesday like the day before thanksgiving and i was like i'm not doing anything today i was like i'm not

gonna go out and like see people from home and then i went to my friend's house and i was like i'm just gonna go over and hang out and then like leave before they go to the bars. And then I just blacked out. A little sad. Completely blacked out. You don't want that. Drank like 40 beers. He's back. That's why he drinks 40 beers because he goes out in Duxbury and people are swarming him

at the Duxbury Tavern. That's not even close to true. He goes to the Duxbury Inn and people are fucking loading up on him. Like, dude, let me buy you an espresso martini. Then he has eight espresso martini. Then he has eight espresso martinis and fucking dries his head through a plate glass window. True. Just hopped up on the caffeine.

That was the worst part is that I drove home. Oh, well, I mean, yeah. I'm kidding. I did not drive home. The only place you're going to get home is Doxbury. Walk. Doxbury. I'd say take an Uber and my dad didn't believe me.

Did he think you like... He was like, what are you talking about? He's like, where are you talking about? He's like, where did you get an Uber? He's like, there's no Ubers here. I did Uber though. But there are Ubers all over New England. I got an Uber at a coastal fucking Rhode Island town

or coastal main town at like 540 in the morning one time. Damn. And there was just an Uber there. Good shit. It was 20 minutes, but you know, there's Ubers all over New England. You think that you're in a remote part of New England, there won't be anything there.

The boys got to eat in New England, too. It's true. Have you ever been somewhere where there isn't Ubers and realized how inconvenient it is? I mean, I think it's inconvenient when I have to wait, like, seven minutes for an Uber. In New York, if it's over two minutes, I'm furious. Yeah, how is this even possible?

Yeah, I'm looking at Ubers driving by. Yeah, in Chicago. It's Hellscape City. Yeah, it's a shithole. Takes a while. It's Hellscape City. Yeah. Yeah. It's a shithole. Takes a while. It's a fucking shithole. Everybody talks shit on New York.

Half the employees have been robbed at gunpoint. Yeah, New York's a shithole. It is true. It's dangerous. Oh, you saw a homeless person. Dude, I almost got jerked off by a homeless guy today. Rowan and I were talking about yesterday how here everyone goes, stay safe. Really? Did you notice that? Like, every time you're

leaving, everyone's like, alright man, stay safe. Yeah, I guess so. In New York, it's usually, see you tomorrow. In Chicago, it's like, dude. They take a picture of you to prove that you were there. I do fear the homeless in another city. Like, if I'm in New York, these are my New York homeless. New York homeless doesn't scare me at all.

Yeah, it's almost, but like, they should they should ah they don't i think it takes one no because they don't have anything like a chicago homeless is like the man has a fucking weapon a big automatic weapon yeah it's all he has new york they could too sleeping on a pillow of a fucking ar-15 half the office here is talking about getting fucking their concealed carry license seriously i'm not even like no i know when the gambling came for five minutes yesterday and 10 people coming they're like when do you guys want to go get our court do our course yeah i've been scoping some ars that look pretty good it's like that picture the picture of the family where everybody has like

all the guns laid out yeah yeah i did actually sounds like that's what the lockers are for yeah i was in an uber from does anyone have my ar you're in an uber what i was going from the hotel to the office and this like i had a here and this hippie uber uber driver this hippie ubi driver and he was like man i'm just gonna leave you with one last piece of advice like i tell this to all my customers like never walk around with your headphones and like always keep your headphones out when you're walking around and i was like what a what a crazy piece of advice have you never heard that before though people my parents you know i i know my my mom says that all the time but like then when you go to new york and

i'm like i'm never gonna take my headphones out right right yeah but like in chicago i guess that's that's the move yeah you can't listen to music in the city of chicago within the city limits or i mean you can but it's a hundred percent guarantee that you will get robbed right right or just play someone will play the knockout game with the back of your head yeah now it's yeah you're making me scared i gotta go back to this hotel now don't go just wear that for the final who gives a fuck there's like

no I wanna wear a suit I wanna get all the stuff there's suits here your suits aren't gonna fit good anyway you're not that's not no no this one

you're gonna fucking wash your mouth out with soap this one fits good well then why are you wearing Nike socks with New Balance shoes then

this doesn't matter I do like those shoes I know I like the shoes but you're ruining it with those socks I'm actually gonna buy the exact same pair I think.

Dave has a similar pair. How much are those? Are those really expensive? No. $5.50? No. Those were always like $130. Oh, shit. I'm going to order those tonight.

Look at these. Someone got that $3.50 bag. Yeah, I mean, what are we in fucking eighth grade? Look at this one. Floppy ass shoes. This is my sock right here. The lesbians in my elementary school would wear those all yeah converse you don't like converse your converse i'm not an elementary

school lesbian they're like your comedy no soul what's that to me or him that's nasty you can give it a laugh tommy that was that at Sass. Your soulless comedy. You guys are bullies. I don't need this fucking shit. Dude, I'm not looking forward to this flight back. What time? 745. I'll tell you guys on the same flight.

But Roan's not looking forward to it because he's not flying first class. I know. Are you guys on the same flight? Because I had to fly on your flight. Yeah, I am. Because I had to fly on Sass' flight because he needed a flying buddy. He's not allowed to fly alone. What do you mean you need to fly on your... Yeah, I am. Because I had to fly on Sass's flight because he needed a flying buddy. He's not allowed to fly alone. What do you mean you need to fly on my flight?

You booked your flight and then I booked my flights to be the same as yours. Are you going to sit together? No. I don't... I hate doing that. I know. I don't know why anyone would ever...

Actually, I would sit with Tommy. What? I would sit with you on a flight. You would want to sit on a long flight and talk to someone. There's some people... Me and Tommy, small talk is elite. If we have a small talk... That's because you guys just gossip. Yeah, it's me and you on a phone. You would want to sit on a long flight and talk. There's some people. Me and Tommy small talk is elite. If we have a small talk.

That's because you guys just gossip. Yeah, you can't tell if you're mocking me. No, me and you have great small talk. Yeah, we do. We really do. Sometimes we just talk on the phone. That's what I mean. Me and Sass would never talk on the phone like that.

If I even call him, he'll text me. I'll call him back and he just won't answer. It's because we're saving it for the pod, dude. Yeah, true. This is big talk. This is small talk, though. It's not business for me and ron it's like just french me and tommy have just pure small talk that no one would want to listen to uh maybe they would honestly maybe we should start putting that on patreon record our phone conversations we should get on patreon the three of us yeah tommy you got any ideas to make this podcast get bigger because i wrote down

a bunch no i'm not an ideas guy. That is true. Or you're not like, especially not for other people. Yeah, no. You're the most selfish with your ideas of anybody. No, that's not true. I give out ideas. Like what?

When we have those New York meetings, I feel like I've thrown out ideas. Yeah, because I made fun of you for not giving out ideas. No, but even before you did that, it was misguided. You went in with a misconception that I wasn't going to give out ideas, but there I was giving out ideas. No, you save your ideas for the smoke show. That's not true. They were all shot already. Yeah, and that's why you finally were able to give out some new ideas because you used all the good ones on yourself.

But I didn't know we weren't having those meetings when we came up with the smoke show ideas. Well, I'm always thinking about other people. I'm always thinking about ideas that I could plug in. That's true. Rafa is gifting other ideas to people. But he's in such a comfortable place. He's made it. You won't give us a single idea to help us grow this show?

That's not like I won't give you one. That's like I don't have one. I've never run a successful podcast. Okay, how about this one? A leg to stand on. And we have a conversation. We do a podcast. And we're all standing on one leg

and first uh and first one to fall off uh they get uh they get uh ketchup i like that a lot like they get gifted ketchup or that that part is kind of up for interpretation bosco i fuck with that one pretty heavily that's a a great idea. I wrote down a couple. I wrote down a couple. I'll read them off. Later. Later. Double thumbs up, Rico. Or maybe now, actually. You want to read them off? Don't give them away for free.

We want to surprise people with the ideas. All right, man. But if fans of the show have ideas, we're blowing this shit up in 2024. There's no doubt about it. It's going to double in numbers. Oh, yeah. We're doubling the numbers in 2024? That's real. Are you from Irelandland because our numbers are fucking doubling that's facts um all right all right should we end this yeah all right thank you guys for listening we'll see you

uh soon hey make sure you subscribe like the show much love much love from tommy thank you guys always an honor riffing with you guys goodbye happy new year happy new year