Son of a Boy Dad - Doing Tricks On It | Son of a Boy Dad #175

Episode Date: February 20, 2024

Doing Tricks On It | Son of a Boy Dad #175 -- Follow us on our socials: https://linktr.ee/sonofaboydad -- Merch: https://store.barstoolsports.com/collections/son-of-a-boy-dad -- Ad: Get 55% off at https://Babbel.com/SON. -- Ad: Son of a Boy Dad is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit https://BetterHelp.com/SON today to get 10% off your first month. -- SUBSCRIBE TO THE YOUTUBE #SonOfABoyDad #BarstoolSportsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, son of a boy dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Jesus Christ, dude. No, I'm not saying that to be like, woe is me. I'm like, it's important for me to keep the momentum going on this show. Thank you, Owen. Appreciate it. Thanks.

Damn, bro. All right, shall we? Yes, bro. All right, shall we? Yes, brothers. Good. Alrighty, welcome back to the Son of a Boy Dad podcast. Today it is Monday. It is February 19th. It is 2.24 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.

We are here live from HQ3, that son-of-a-boy-dad podcast. Can I make a confession to you guys? Of course. I'm getting jealous of your guys' relationship. Dude, Francis and I have been spending large amounts of time with each other. I know.

Like, in the last two weeks, I've been with francis more than i haven't been with francis and i'm just green with jealous rage no it's been fun we had a good weekend not what i want to hear we actually did have a good weekend i i it's funny he says that we bicker now we spend so much time together that we bicker right and uh he's becoming you know he's becoming a little shit you're getting you're becoming a little shit in my pants dude and then i've been in a lot of time i try a lot i try to like rib him or get him a lot i try to like rib him or get him adventuresome he's you are so stubborn it's beyond i really was not stubborn this weekend at all we did everything we went to we're staying at our

place upstate and after we had breakfast i said i want to take the dogs for a walk so that we can have a free day and he was like okay cool and i was like do you have um any shoes other than the converse that have holes in them because it's snowy out there and wet and he was like i'll be fine and i was like i don't think you will let me lend you some waterproof boots very nice and he was like no no no i'm good and then i'm like well it's also cold can i give you another layer to wear and he's like dude i'm good and he was wearing a shell with his like buffalo bills t-shirt crew neck patriots under it patriots crew neck under that and a t-shirt and i was like dude there's no way you're warm enough and he was like this is what i wear to go fishing i will but But I was warm.

Like my body was completely warm. Hold on a minute. My face has never been so cold ever. This is not. And you said the same. You said you got a headache because of how cold your face was. I felt like I had. It was so cold. It was so cold.

It was so cold. And we were walking. And we're walking for five minutes. And I'm like, are you all right? Are you cold? Do you want to turn back? He's like, no, I'm good. I'm good. And five minutes later, I'm like, how are you doing now? And he's like and I'm like, are you all right? Are you cold? Do you want to turn back? He's like, no, I'm good. I'm good.

And five minutes later, I'm like, how are you doing now? And he's like, I'm pretty cold. Well, you probably said, this is the coldest I've ever been in my entire existence. No, well, no. When we went fishing, that probably was the coldest I've ever been. It was as bad as it gets. That was brutal. It was funny because you posted that video and then everyone was like, can't wait to

hear about how the fishing was. Like, we went fishing for like legitimately less than 20 minutes just enough to take a photo and video francis got out there and it was like the goddamn paparazzi just photo ops like i had a crazy i had a vision of what i want by the way it was one of those picturesque things i've done in years you had gentle snowflakes falling down along the Housatonic River in Connecticut. There's stone walls that have been there since revolutionary times lining the river. And it's this gentle babbling brook river

that's kind of flowing through and past us. And of course I wanted to take a picture. I don't know if I would describe that river as gentle at all. I mean, it was like fucking. The sound of it, I meant. The sound of it was gentle. It was ripping.

It was a mean river. It was middle mean. It was high as fuck and freezing. It was cold. Dude. So we borrowed a bunch of shit from one of his friends. And they had the waders that it comes with the boots built in. They're like hunting waders.

That's why they're camouflage. uh i didn't plan on that so i just had this pair of socks on underneath dude it took me like tried to lend him some socks wouldn't take took me like 25 minutes to de-thaw my feet after being in the water for 15 minutes plus we had to tile the harriet of tile the flies and and you can't do it with gloves on and so our hand his hands got freezing we wait before we even got out there my hands were completely numb i bought a three-day fishing license for 20 minutes of fishing yeah you did and he kept on being like you gotta buy the license man and i was like dude no one is coming out here to check our license he had told me that if we got caught without a license they would take all of our gear and we had borrowed

all the gear from friends of mine yeah and i said i'm buying my license if you guys get your gear nabbed by the fishing police it's on you you're paying for the replacement stuff and harry had looked up the reels on the way over and they were he was like this one's 500 bucks this one's 600 i was like i'll pay 22 dollars to be yeah which was smart which i i said i was like i tried to do it but i just didn't have service so i couldn't but i was also like there's no like in the summer you do have to get a license because they do come out but i would argue that even three days worth of fishing license was worth it for that picture and what it did for even your perception online i feel like everybody's like sass is a fucking intrepid outdoorsman yeah like he's bear grills out here he's a duck hunter it was very it was crazy because i've i've fished in colder weather than that but for some reason

it was just like the the wind up there or what i don't know the air it's like dude it is freezing it was like 24 degrees yeah fucking cold and i mean you're waist deep in the water you're and you're just bare to all the elements and shit like that you have the cozy buildings to insulate you and he now here's how stubborn another illustration of his stubbornness so i'm like dude i'm done i'm done fishing uh because he actually set up my rod first so i went in the river first and then he was very generous and brandon brayer came with us and he set up his rod and then did his last so he had done the least amount of fishing and we've been in the water for a while we're the worst so we're like after i don't know 30 35

minutes well he's probably gonna catch something first cast dude not even close there was probably no fish in that water he's's moving through the river, right? And he's got fingerless gloves on. Yeah. Which are his- Like Big Jay. Yeah, that's what I said. I called them my Big Jay gloves.

He's wearing fingerless gloves that he bought at the Army Navy surplus store. And he stumbles on a rock and one hand he puts down into the river to catch himself. And he goes, oh, no. And I'm like, dude, I'm done. Take my gloves. Now, he wouldn't because my gloves were fingered. But you really, you truly, you can't fly fish with fingered gloves. My gloves were paddle tennis gloves.

They had grippies on the bottom so that you can play racquet sports in the winter. I've tried with those gloves. It's so much more difficult. As far as having a glove for fly fishing, a paddle tennis glove is as good of a glove as you're going to get. And you said, I'd rather fish with soaking wet, fingerless gloves. Yes, yes. I would. Why do you need fingerless gloves to tie the flies?

No, because you've got to feel the line when you're casting. I can feel the line, no problem. I was feeling it. You saw my cast. We saw your cast. That's just experience. That's all gloves. You've been out on the river a lot more times than I have.

That's all gloves. Well, I remember the scoreboard saying 0-0 for both of us. It did. But it was funny because they- What was your cast like? Ocean's Eleven? Oh, yeah. Phenomenal.

And his was like Gigli? Yeah. No. His was like the Ghostbusters remake with all women with all women his years was oceans 11 his was oceans 8 so that's just in there he's doing the backhanded cast he's doing the you know great double haul i mean perfect double haul double haul that you read about the fuck is a double haul brother if you gotta ask i know i i know that i have nothing i know i know nothing about it um no but it was funny because the francis so they get they get they get back in the car and they're like yo we're gonna let we could like go get a

drink or something for 20 minutes and let you fish and we'll come get you after and i was like oh no just give me like 10 minutes and i'll come up yeah that's what he said he goes uh just give me 10 minutes and so then i do 10 minutes and then i go back up and i was going up to be like you guys go get a drink i'm gonna i want to go more upstream and and fish more and then francis but i before i even said that francis is like we got to go and as soon as he said that i was like yeah let's get the fuck out of here i was i was like this is miserable like a relief yeah of him to say that yes it's like it took literally it took zero convincing for why to let's get the fuck out of here. Why did you say we got to go?

Because our car, our Tesla, had only a 9% battery left, and we had to get back to where the charger was. Oh, buddy. That would be a nasty way to die. That was the whole weekend. That was the entire weekend. We had a hard time. It was a lot of charging this weekend. Economizing our battery for the travel we did.

It was so cold that it wasn't able to like predict correctly how many miles we would need for the battery oh it was like doing all the work to heat up the car and shit like that yeah and it couldn't it couldn't charge quickly and we were just i mean it was it was an advertisement for like gas cars it truly was the whole week it was just like a conservative coal and like it was like every like constant it constantly on the mind be like okay we're gonna have to go charge at some point doing this like it was never there was never a moment where maybe if the miners in Nairobi had got you some more cobalt you would have been good I know exactly we just we could never get the car above like 30 percent so it was like as i said to sass it was

like we worked at footlocker and we were putting like five dollars of gas in our tank yeah every i just need to get to my booty calls house one fuck like five bucks that's fine it literally was like we we went got lunch parked the car let it charge for like a long time, came back and it had gone up like 5%. Yeah. But then we went to a supercharger and those things are fucking crazy. That one cranked. Yeah. The car is like humming while it's like, it's getting off.

He didn't like the Tesla. He wasn't happy about it. You weren't impressed? No, I'm not impressed with the Tesla. It's a great car. It's just the two times I've been in it with Francis, we've been in moments where it's like if we don't get to this charger we're going to be stranded on the highway and have to push yeah we we unfortunately i live on the edge battery wise when i have him in the front seat but also where the fuck are you charging in uh there's a surprising amount of

chargers in the city no not oh in the city yeah oh yeah there's none there are none in the city that's what i'm saying where are you charging in the city if you have a tesla in the city in our in our parking garage they have one so we always start the journey with full charge but by the time we had gotten up there and then we drove we had to drive to albany which was another hour and a half from where our place was. Got it. So it was the to and from Albany and the fact that it was really cold. We drove a lot this weekend. It was a lot of driving. Hours and hours and hours.

It is crazy to see how other people live, though. I had that when we went to Denver, too. It's like you wake up at 9 and then you're just going, going, going all day until you go to bed. Like I wake up. As opposed to what? Dude. going going going all day until you go to bed like i wake up as opposed to what dude i wake up at like 10 go for 30 minutes back in bed for another couple hours like there's increments it's increments it says nine it was 6 45 i woke up at 6 45 because the dogs need to go to the bathroom

right yeah and you're just up the entire day yeah and we're up like we're up we're up doing shit the whole day which i like i enjoy it we we got to a point where we were just up the entire day? Yeah, and we're up. We're up doing shit the whole day, which I like. I enjoy it. We got to a point where we were driving to the Saturday shows after a day of fishing and walking and doing all kinds of stuff. We had gotten back. We had had a late lunch, and then we actually went and played ping pong and video games in the pool. This is why I'm fucking jealous. You guys are having the time of your fucking life

dude you guys are literally doing all the male bonding activities getting so close that you feel comfortable bickering with each other it was like a camp we feel like we were at summer camp yeah it's fucking awesome when you guys were at winter camp yeah but the problem was we we were just we were having a good time and we it does sound like a huge problem wow that's driving we were driving to the show again on saturday another hour and a half and collectively there was just a moment like 10 minutes into the drive where all of us were like man i'm so tired really and and he was like do you usually live this way just not chill out at all and i was like i don't know not really i feel like i felt like showing you guys a

good time it was crazy it was just non-stop movement how is his uh how's his area up there and it's great upstate yeah i heard it's incredible yeah yeah i heard it's a beautiful area beautiful like you can there's a place where you could like play games and like bowl and shit like that it's nice but ping pong it's a dude we were at summer camp but it was freezing. For adults. We went to lunch at the same place two days in a row

and Hairball had a burger both days. Which is not weird at all. That was his pre-comedy meal. Well it's like you don't eat all day so you get something big.

Francis was getting like bird seeds fucking with like ranch dressing on top of them. It was like a freak show if I know Francis he wasn't getting a creamy dressing no no he was getting something

light and oil based I'll do the grain bowl and I was like dude that's legitimately out of every item on the menu that would be the last thing that I would choose but you're eating like I'd rather eat just raw lettuce have the grain bowl but if you have like two full pound burgers you're like like... I'd rather eat just raw lettuce than have the grain bowl. But if you have like

two full pound burgers and you're like, why am I tired? No, no, that's not me. Yeah. Burgers don't slow me down. Burgers slow everybody down. They sure do.

Burgers are road bumps. Yeah, they fuel me. They're made to slow people down. Burgers have everything in them. No, I was telling him I figured out how to eat on the road so that I don't have to have

diarrhea in the green room. No fried chicken. No fried chicken in one big meal a day. Yeah. Can we tell the story about the... Slop it up for one big meal. Can we tell the story about the crazy fans? I'd rather not to be fully honest. Really? Oh you're happy to put the Yaks

fucking dirty laundry out there with their crazy fans but suddenly you get a crazy fan. Well it's just like weird like stalker-ish people. This is bad. but i don't want to make it like a thing because then it's like that more people are going to be like oh i want to try that no i don't think i don't think other people you think that if it was a reoccurring thing this weekend where the manager would come in and be like one of your buddies from elementary school is out here and then you'd go out and just be someone you've never seen in

your entire life but it happened like multiple times it was like that is something i grew up on the same street as him we were yeah we were born in the same ward we got first communion together and then one time they asked they the manager came into the green room after the show and and they were like francis there's these people here her name's hayley she says that she knows you and i'm like she's like hayley from boston i'm like i actually do know a girl named hayley from boston but i was like jesus okay and i go out she's no idea who i am and she goes i actually was just getting you out here to have you ask to bring little sass out because i'm a huge fan of him what and i was like this is why domestic

violence happens hey no it was pretty uncomfortable the whole thing was pretty uncomfortable yeah for everybody involved yeah that is super weird but it was like you guys are too trusting though like why wouldn't somebody just uh text you i don't know that's why i don't i don't do anything if they know you people should like be in contact with you not going through a some guy being like yeah like the dude you lost your virginity to is out there but it was it made me think that the manager was going out and they would be like hey can we say hi and they would be like well do you know them and then they were like yeah right like why would that happen multiple times there's no way

that like multiple people had that same idea it had to have been brought on by something so you hate your fans no not at all i don't like his fans i like my fans oh there's a very there's a funny difference between my fans my fans come up to me and they talk to you from one in their mouth is one inch away from my mouth and they're shit faced out of their minds and then francis fans come over and they're like, yeah, so we actually grew up in County bunk port, not too far away from where to God, swear to God.

And we'll give you, we'll give you your space. Just wanted to say hi. Fascinating. They're like, we really don't want to bother you, but we just wanted to say, you got a bunch of bows.

My husband is too shy. He's over there. He's not going to bother you. He's mad at me for doing this, but he went to the same high school that you. He's mad at me for doing this. But he went to the same high school that you did, and you were there not long after him. And then I look at him, and he's like, ah, she's fat. I'm like, get over here.

Get over here, Carl. Carl comes over. He's like, I told her not to. She doesn't listen. And he's like, but actually what happened was I was the assistant lacrosse coach right after you were there. And boy, we had a time. Anyway. And you enjoyed that conversation probably. They're lovely people.

And my fans come over and they're like, you helped me beat my fentanyl addiction. And you're like, leave me alone. I'm going through some tough times. Like, bro, I'm sober. They're like following me into the bathroom and like pissing next to me. You helped me through a really fucking hard time. My fans can give me financial advice. Just stinking.

I've always wanted to see your cock. It's just how I pictured it. You might as well hold it while you pee. You're like, oh, thanks, dude. Appreciate that. His fans are great, but it is is hysterical the contrast between our two and it's also a very small majority because then we were talking about that and we're like there's not a lot of people that like most of the large majority of the crowd leaves as soon as the show

is over and then there's like there'll be like two dudes who are like drunk out of their minds who are like we went to elementary school with him get him out here we have his old drawings it's not bad. I don't mind. How do you convince people not to do that now? Now it's kind of like a good joke. Now I'll just not go out ever. Yeah, exactly.

Pretty easy solution to that. Which will end up you hating your fans. No, I don't hate them at all. The other part that was funny about this weekend is that these shows were at a comedy club that was in the mall. So there's a number of clubs in malls. There's the Funny Bones. There's other ones there's a number of clubs in malls they're the

funny bones there's other ones too most comedy clubs are in malls i don't know if i would say that most on the inside of the mall or like the outside of the mall at least a strip mall yeah fair enough uh and all these rooms in malls are always the same they're cavernous they're gigantic there's you know they're like whoever was building them was planning on it being like kevin hart was going to come there every day like they're like 500 person so big and uh a lot of the people that come see us at those shows don't know who we are they they're just hanging at the mall for the day because it's albany and so it's an indoor type city in the winter they're stuck in 95 yeah yeah and they're hopping from auntie ann's pretzel bites over to you know uh william sonoma maybe and then taking the escalator up oh there's a comedy club they get shit faced

at california pizza kitchen and before they know it it's 8 p.m. Yeah. And so half the crowd, I mean, you go on stage and you start doing jokes. And I can see people be like, we made a huge mistake. We should never have not researched who was performing. He's up there right now telling jokes about cumming and his wife. Like, what? We thought this would be, you know. Some good 95 humor. Yeah, we thought this would be you know some good 95 humor yeah we thought there'd be magic tricks we thought they'd be talking backstreet boys versus in sync yeah well you

wonder if they they're coming they're just like let's go see a comedy show and they're hoping it's going to be like louis ck on stage or like dave chapelle is doing a drop-in yeah people do have a limited uh understanding of what comedy is Even in New York A big comedy city They're just like Oh like I like The most famous comedians In the world I wonder if these are them

Yeah Dude here's the other thing So Hairball Tells me We get We get home From the first show Late at night

Probably like 11 11.30 And I'm like Alright guys I'm pretty beat Let's hit it Big day tomorrow We're going fishing

And he's like He's like You're going to bed I'm like yeah Well it's early as fuck And I'm like, all right, guys, I'm pretty beat. Let's hit it. Big day tomorrow. We're going fishing. And he's like, you're going to bed? I'm like, yeah. Well, it's early as fuck. And I'm like, it's 1130. We've been driving and performing all night. And he's like, I'm like, you should get some sleep. I said, hey, he's like, you should get some sleep. We have a big day tomorrow.

And he goes, dude, I got at least two to three hours of scrolling. No, I did not say scrolling. I said, I got two to three hours in me still. No, you said scrolling. I remember you saying scrolling. I don't think I said scrolling. You said I'm going to said i got two to three hours in me still no you said scrolling i remember you saying scrolling i don't think i said scrolling you said i'm going to do scrolling for two to three hours that is exactly what i did yeah what else would you do i gotta scroll for at least two three hours and then i was like okay and he said what time do you want to wake up and i was like i don't know i usually wake up at eight he's like that's crazy so i'm aware that waking up at 8 a.m is crazy so i wake up early and I let him be and whatever, like 9.30 I called him.

No. Yeah, yeah, that's when we went to coffee clash. I'll look at it. It was way earlier. Let's see when you went to coffee clash. You could probably find your receipt from coffee clash. You said 9 and I woke up at 9. It was 9 on the dot.

Fine, 9. Not way earlier, 9, 9.30. But- 9.07. There you go. That's not a big difference between 9 and 9, 9.07 and 9.30. All right. Because my alarm was set for 9.

You called me and said, are you awake? And I said, yes, I am. The irony is this, that we had then that gigantic day, two shows on Saturday, there and back, get home at 1 in the morning, 1 in the morning, and go to bed. And we wake up and Hairball wants to take the train home and i'm like well dude there's a 10 15 train let you sleep into your normal time go get some coffee clash again and uh he goes he goes no man i need to get the fuck out of here that's not what i said the 8 15 train that's not so unhappy in our home that's not what I said. He was so unhappy in our home. That's not what I said.

That he broke his rules and limited his sleep. I mean, he woke up. His bed was made. His fucking belongings were packed. He had to get out of Dodge. It was like he was evacuating. No, that's not even close to what happened. You had that bad of a time?

He was like, I'm taking the 815. No, I said I want to do it. I have a terrible weekend. I said I need to get home because I had that bad of a time? He was like, I'm taking the 850. No, I said, I said, I want to do it. I have a terrible weekend. I said, I need to get home because I had an audition at 6 p.m. 6 p.m. But I wanted to go home and nap. I didn't want to get, I didn't want to sleep and then go on the train. And it's easier

to go early because then you just sleep the whole time and then you get home and you sleep more and then you're ready for the day. I do that every time I go on the road. I get the earliest flight out. We didn't even get to have coffee, Clatch. No, we did not, Clash.

Is it Clatch or Clash? Clash. No, it's Clatch. It's Clash. K-L-A-T-C-H. Clatch. They've got free breakfast burritos.

They're unbelievable. It's a Clash. How good are those breakfast burritos? You go and you Clash with the other people. No, no, you don't Clash. You get along.

So you didn't even have a Clash? You didn't Clash that day. I almost did. And then we got to the train people. No, no, you don't clash. You get along. So you didn't even have a clash? You didn't clash that day. I almost did. And then we got to the train station, and Brandon was like, is there a dining car? And Sass was like, they don't even have toilets. It's a subway above ground. What kind of train were you taking? It was the MTA.

It wasn't taking the Amtrak. Metro North, yeah. That's tough. I slept the whole time. I woke up, and we were there. And Brandon was like, Harry, get up. And then I woke up and we were there and Brandon was like Harry get up and then I woke up and I was

and then next thing you know you're just walking through Grand Central you were in a REM cycle 30 seconds ago it's a wild feeling that shit is jarring it was a wild feeling

you're just like dreaming about like meeting a celebrity or some shit like that or fucking like fighting a bear and then you're walking through Grand Central

two seconds later you're just dodging fucking homeless pee it was crazy yeah that is it's a weird it's a very weird feeling the shows were cool though

I actually do like your fans a lot and we had a great time and we'll be in Madison, Wisconsin for our last co-headlining gig

ever why are you guys why are you guys why are you guys breaking up no we're not why no more headlining are you guys breaking up no we're not why no more headlines we're just going to

single we're going to go headline ourselves why not together because you make more money going by yourself and you need to be you need to be doing hours

and you can do an hour we do 35 minutes when we go headline 35 minutes is too easy it's not a challenge really yeah these are your best 35

you don't have to do all the shit jokes that you don't want to do at the end your best 35 it's still a substantial amount of time it's a breeze it's it's so easy it's feel it's so awesome it's fun you cry you literally you get up you do like it's literally like doing a spot in new york it's like you do it's like you were doing a spot and then the person after you didn't show up so they tell you to stretch that's what it feels like yeah totally it's so nice it's literally it's like no no sitting in the green for four hours being like i'm gonna fucking kill myself dude i'm getting ptsd right now hearing him talk like this

because we spent a hundred hours together this weekend And the only things that he talked about were standup comedy and fishing. That was it. Yeah. We didn't, we did not deviate from those. It got to the point where there's not really much else to talk about on the drive back on the last night I was driving, Brandon and Sass were talking and they were talking about comedy and you know

me, I'm a, I'm a talkative guy. I didn't speak for the last hour. You didn't say a word. He was, first of all, he was hammered and second of all he was exhausted I had one beer and I was very tired he was shit faced out of his mind and he was tired

driving which is a weird combo it's a dangerous combo yeah I wanted to get us home and he was talking and I remember you saying when we pulled in you were like I didn't talk for the last hour. And I was like, you were talking the entire time. I think that was just in your head.

What the fuck were you talking about? I don't think I spoke. He was chiming in the entire time. And then we pulled in. He was like, man, I didn't speak for the last hour. No. You were just talking 30 seconds ago. I think I was giggling.

I had the occasional giggle. I had some outward. He told full stories. No, I certainly did not. You just said I was chiming in. I was maybe chiming in at most, but I was not leading. I was not telling. Just for like a sprinkle of seasoning to the conversation?

I was reaction. Just reaction guy. Yeah, reactions. But I mean, he drank like four IPAs, and then he went to a restaurant in between shows, and he had like a Manhattan. Four IPAs, that's the equivalent of drinking a keg to the face. A keg of light beer to the face. I had one. I ordered another.

Took two sips of it. Didn't touch it. And I remember I was like, Francis, are you going to put it in put the car in like autopilots? I know that's the whole Tesla thing. They're self-driving cars that are supposed to be. And he was like, no, you can't do it under 50% battery. So he manned the wheel. Well, if you're drunk enough enough it's probably you don't

want it in autopilot because your reaction time to save yourself isn't going to be there you might as well just be holding on to it if you're really that shit-faced we'll be in madison in in mid march and i think two weekends and that's literally one of the top five clubs in america i think it's like the number one number outside of denver i fucking love that place it's a kill box it's like the number one. Outside of Denver, I fucking love that place. It's a kill box. It's a kill box. Kill box. No, it's lambs to the slaughter.

It's a murder house. You literally go in there and it feels like you're at a farm that's factory farming cows. And all you have to do is put that metal thing up to the back of their head. Kill box. Yeah, it's a fucking... I cannot wait. Can't wait. Took the words out of my mouth. But do you guys listen to something when you're in the car together?

Are you guys like... I listen to Bob Dylan and Rodriguez. I just try to make him happy. I want to feed him and keep him happy. Keep him level. You got to go to South. The glazing was a little out of control. It wasn't glazing.

It's that he was bouncing on it. You shut down. He was doing tricks on it all weekend. He made your room comfortable for you, and you're like, bro's doing tricks on it? No, he was doing tricks on it. As soon as I got in the car, Bob Dylan was already playing. I was like, dude. Maybe it just so happens that I'm a fan of Bob Dylan, too.

No, I empathize with Francis because if you put on something else for sass, he'll completely shut down. To be fully honest, I saw someone say he's doing tricks on it on Twitter today and I was waiting to use that line the whole day. That's very funny. I came here with solely the purpose of using that line

at some point. You have material. And I found it. That he was nice to you. He gave you your own room to sleep in no it was truly it was he's doing tricks on it yeah he was doing i'm so tired i'm so tired of he's doing tricks on a culture and glazing culture you say one nice thing about it i love it i think it's the funniest thing in the world that's why i that's why i was like yeah my fucking grandma's funeral my uncle was eulogizing her. Yeah, he's doing tricks on her. It's fucking, there's nothing you can do for people not to say, if you say anything nice or do anything nice for someone.

You buy somebody's coffee clash, glazing. It was crazy how nice everybody was, though. Sounds like you're kind of doing tricks on them. I was a little bit. The people in Albany? No. No, not at all what I was referring to. No, the people that were like our place.

Oh, got it, got it, got it. And they lent us all the fishing gear. They were super cool. It was great. I can't believe it. Why are you guys listening to rodriguez it was bob dylan radio and he's adjacent i'm a big rodriguez fan and then i said this guy kind of sounds a little bit like bob dylan and sass was like and you don't know dylan

i did those were my exact words well you don't know sugar man then bro i know sugar man no you don't know sugar man i think i put you on to sugar man dude i've been we've been to south africa we know rodriguez he didn't even know rodriguez was he didn't even know about this i actually just let you tell that whole story even though i've seen the documentary no you literally said you feel like you legitimately you legitimately said my wife just told me to watch this documentary i acted like a dumb girlfriend for you to feel good about yourself all weekend i've actually know how to fly fish better than you do and i can tie my own flies yeah i i said i said yeah you guys know how to tie

a clinch knot right clinch knots the most common knot it's the most common fishing loop swoop and pull exactly yeah they didn't know uh when i started my uh like when i started dating uh my wife like i had we didn't have all the same hobbies and stuff like that. And she liked shows like fucking Vanderpump Rules and The Real Housewives and shit like that. And I didn't like that shit or care about it. But then I completely transformed my personality to caring about it a ton. Yeah. And that's what I'm going to do with stand-up and fly fishing just so i can be on

the same page as you guys just because i want the camaraderie dude i just want to be able to hang with the boys we gotta come to him because i can tell you right now he is not coming to us he is not adding anything i mean when you're in the car with two other comedians there's not that much else to talk about other than comedy we don't really have much like brandon is like this like cool party guy you're married and 10 years older than me the only common ground the only common ground that we all have is that we do stand-up comedy yes but it's funny when i'm when i'm on the road with brandon uh we talk about traveling and brandon's a very well traveling amazing cool

experiences and like friends that he's had and what about talking about ideas no that's not how we roll the best part speaking of drunk driving the stories when we started talking about getting pulled over that was when it got really interesting to me oh yeah that's brandon had these crazy stories. Of getting pulled over? Yeah. Yeah. His buddy got a DUI, and then I don't want to redo.

I don't want to tell his stories. No, you shouldn't do. Yeah. Yeah, don't do that. I don't know. I'm surprised you even started down that road. I don't want to just retell

his stories on our podcast. It sounds funny. Does he have his own podcast? I don't know. Yes, he does. Plug it. Can't remember what it's called. Check out Brandon Barrera.

He's a very funny comic, and he's got a good podcast. He's very funny. Oh, he sounds ethnic. Yes. Oh, very nice. Miami. Very nice. Different.

This past weekend in Sea Isle City was the Polar Bear Plunge. Have you guys ever done that shit? I have not. I've gone swimming in the ocean in this time of year. I thought it was just called the Polar Plungeunge this one's called a polar bear plunge but i've heard it called both both things um but i have some of my fondest not me drunk driving but other people drunk driving these weekends wow and it's crazy what you can get away with if you're just subservient to the police and you just know what to do we were i was in my friend's car

shit face and like a red jeep like a flag of just being like please pull me the fuck over yeah really a red flag of pull me over and he was just like blacked out out of his mind and he just pulled over and uh this was this weekend no no no this is fucking 10 years ago but we're talking we're living on the edge this weekend but yeah i was about to just drunk drive for as far as i could because it wasn't with my boys um but he pulled over and just like took the keys out put it on on top like had his license ready or whatever and they just didn't give a fuck just because he was subservient and like said the right things and was like apologetic to the officers like they should have thrown him in full-on jail but i think you if you just do the right things like drunk driving doesn't apply to you yeah i mean that's the cops get off on the glazing that's their favorite thing

that's why they love donuts because they're already glazed exactly if you know how to do tricks on it for a cop you're never getting in trouble right exactly that's like you you like you either have to be on one end of the spec you either have to fully glaze them or you have to know your rights like a fucking lawyer. Or just be white. Yeah. But your boy Braxton Berrios probably didn't fucking... There's no way he's getting out of that shit. I thought that Miami

had bad stand-up comedy. Am I wrong for that? No, I don't think so. Actually, I don't know. I've never done comedy in Miami. There we have it. But I've done comedy in Tampa.

It's a good city. Well, that's not what the fuck I'm talking about, is it? I think just Florida in general doesn't have the worst talking about something completely different i'm going to florida this weekend though really to uh key west oh wow colin was just there he was and uh i told him i was coming but he thought it was this weekend he was like come up do five minutes and i was but i was the wrong the wrong time i was gonna fucking do it though just so i could have something to talk about with the boys. Yeah, you should have.

I'm going to fish down there too and have something to talk about. I swear to God I'll get on the same page with you motherfuckers if it's the last thing I ever do. Dude,

I was doing this comedian Lev Fair's podcast, one of our buddies. What's it called? The Lev Fair Show. Oh nice, shout out.

Isn't it Fur? Lev Fur. Are you thinking of Liz Fair, the singer? And he was, and Colm and he isn't it for Lev for are you thinking of Liz Fair, the singer? And he was in column was going to do it. And column called him right before he was on his way there. And he was like, I got the flu. I'm sick as fuck. And then Lev obviously was like, dude, do not come here. No one wants to get the flu. And then column was texting me being like, you guys are the biggest pussies I've ever met. He's like, you've never seen two seen two men care that much about getting sick. And he's like, but then he's like, but I'm the sickest I've ever been.

And it was like, dude, obviously we do not want to get that sick. That's crazy. Is there a chance that your comedian friend Colin was joking? No. Oh, okay. He texted me multiple times, pissed. Furious. Not in like a joking way.

No. No. Do you think he's going to feel okay that you're telling this story? I think he'll be fine. Maybe he could talk about it on his podcast. What's it called? The Callum Terrell Show. Yeah, shout him out.

People give us shit about the name of this show, dude. At least we named it something. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Folks are just naming their podcast their name i know it's not a bad idea though for me to host always ask me like what what credit you want me to say and i'll i say can you tell them you might know him from his podcast son of a boy dad with little sass and roan i swear to god we'll put i'm happy having you on the name. I have to look at that sign.

And I'm like, wow, I've been a guest on this podcast a lot lately. Recurring guest. A reoccurring guest. They're really not reaching too far beyond me. Hey, I mean, at least you don't have to look it over at that one. That's a well-named podcast. Clear font difference there. The Pat Bev Podcast with Roan.

Yeah, a whisper. Yeah. A gentle whisper. The literal text version of an afterthought. Yeah. With Roan. That was like, I guess we got some space on the bottom. It was really like a spatial thing.

It was like... Pat Bev Podcast with Roan. It's like it doesn't have the balance that we need just for the graphics, so we're going to put a little extra verbiage down here. We'll just put a sponsor name. It does look like it's just the sponsor, like it's a clothing brand or some shit like that. It does.

Let's glaze our pal Shane Gillis for a quick second. He's doing SNl this weekend and i was listening to son of a boy dad excuse me i was listening to matt and shane's and anyways and what's the name of their podcast matt and shane's secret podcast shout that out they need it and uh all righty let's talk about better help better help son of a boy dad is sponsored by better help a common misconception about relationships is they have to be easy to be right but sometimes the best ones happen when both people put in the work to make them great therapy can be a place to work through the

challenges you face in your relationships whether the friend whether with friends work your significant other or anyone so let's talk about BetterHelp then. I like BetterHelp. No, I love BetterHelp. I use BetterHelp all the time to face my challenges. I do too, dude. There's a park that I go to. It's like right in Chinatown. I'll go stop on the way home and just have my little BetterHelp session.

Just crush a sesh. Crush a sesh. You pick your you pick your therapist you could do it face to face i just do it i stand near a phone call the way i'm doing it just do it in the app so simple so straightforward i look forward to my better help sessions i actually do to the point where to me it feels as if there's steam building up and I'm a tea kettle. And then when I have my BetterHelp sessions, I finally release. You spill the tea.

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You know what I'm talking about? That intersection? That's all I feel like I hear about Japan is that intersection. That Tokyo one with all the crosswalks converging. Everything's converging, and I'm going to be like, excuse me, but in Japanese because I've been using Babel so much. Studies from Yale, Michigan State University, and others continue to prove that Babbel is better. One study found that using Babbel for 15 hours is equivalent to a full semester of college.

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Back to the show. And Shane goes, I haven't even started thinking about my SNL monologue yet. And he's doing it this weekend. Do you think that he's fibbing? I don't know. I think he's got to be fibbing. Maybe so.

I don't know. I guess my question would be like, how far in advance if you got... The second I found out. Yeah, same. Yeah, the second I found out, I'd be scrambling. Would you start prepping? I would start prepping before it was even agreed to. I'm ready to do it now.

Yeah, just in case. Because I've been prepping my whole life. Totally. Yeah. I'm not ready to do it now. What a pleasure to be here. Thank you to Lorne Michaels. You know, when Lorne asked me to host, I didn't see it't see it coming and then i said lauren you old sandbagger why don't you go back to canada

he didn't like that one but anyways we got a great show for you guys tonight jay-z is here he has 21 savage coming on which is hilarious hilarious. I know, that's going to be awesome. That's so funny because 21 Savage just tried to rob Aiden Ross. I know, I know. I feel like they have to joke about that. They have to. But they definitely won't. They won't, no. 21 Savage did the whole album with Kanye, right?

No, he did one with Drake. He might have done one with Kanye. I know he did one with Drake. Is that Ty Dolla Sign? Yes, yes, yes. Is on the new Vulture. Yes, yes, yes. I didn't listen to that yet. Tell me about Ty Dolla Sign? Yes, yes, yes. Is on the new Vulture. Yes, yes, yes. I didn't listen to that yet.

Tell me about Ty Dolla Sign. I think he's a renowned songwriter whose imprint and popularity doesn't match up with his talent. Really? His talent's higher than that. That's why guys like Kanye seek him out. Yeezy, if you will. It's interesting that Kanye it's pronounced on every single song i think he's probably just that good or he probably wrote every like the beginning of every

song was like here let's try this one kanye let's try this one kanye let's try this one that would be my i've listened to it it was dog shit the album yeah i didn't listen yet i didn't enjoy it i listened i skimmed through and i like, this is all just some hot ass mid. I like two songs. That's it. But I don't get any of the new music that you kids listen to. Yeah? What about Laundry Day?

Have you been listening to Laundry Day? Who's that? I don't know. Laundry Day is sick. They're based out of New York. Oh, those are those two dudes those guys are fucking hilarious they're so funny

that guy looks exactly like Andy Samberg I know that's every comment merrily we snored up these lines they're so fucking funny those guys are hysterical I don't like no wet sand jeans they're a band but they're but it's five guys, actually. Five dudes in a band.

Yeah. I'm thinking from the west side or some shit like that. Or Hell's Kitchen, I think they live. I don't fucking know. There's a lot of New York folk that are popping off right now. They're so funny, and their music is so good. It's infuriating. But they're getting like 10,000 followers aok just because they're it's like the best marketing

move that they ever could have pulled just being hilariously themselves dude that's what there was that that dude that that cow the guy that made the gay country songs nas x no no the one where he's like oh fuck it's it's all talking about getting fucked by a dude you don't know who i'm talking about walker walker kessler that's who wheeler walker is that who it was and then it turns out he's like an actual musician who has real and people now are going to his concerts like wheeler walker is like an older guy though no this is like a younger dude who made a bunch of gay rap songs or gay country songs and he's an actual rapper who's like selling out shows now i feel like a lot of rappers are going and just all musicians are going to country because it's so fucking easy

it's a big market it's the beyonce just did it yeah which is weird because like 15 years ago it was like the most had to be one of the most hated genres of music country yeah everybody hated it but then you realize that it's so fucking simple to do it. And country fans are just like, oh, I like this one. Yeah. Yeah. This sounds good to me. You see that video of that little kid crying because Toby Keith died? No.

It was like, dude, that was one of those things where it was clearly the parent was like, all right, cry now. There's no way that kid had any idea who Toby Keith was. He was like three years old. Yeah. They were probably like, Toby Keith is your grandfather and he died. That means he's never coming back. He just explained death through the Red Solo cup guy.

It's like that fucking Keaton, what was that guy's name? Keaton Jones? The kid who got bullied? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And his mom filmed it? Yeah. He's like,

they threw ham at me. Isn't that what he said? Didn't he say something about them throwing ham at him? They might have. And then everyone was like, LeBron was posting and was like, Keaton, the bravery on you is insane. Please come to my house and play basketball with me.

And then the next day, there's photos of Keaton holding Confederate flags, waving them around. And they were like, Keaton, your offer has been revoked. We do not want to play one-on-one with you at the LeBron household. He's just outside of LeBron's headband and the ball on. The LeBron James team

has released a statement on Keaton Jones. We were not aware. I was right about you, LeBron! As a racist, because he's racist. Because he's racist. You know. You know how these fucking kids are. I know how that shit goes, man. But I that uh going back to shane writing the shit i think that there

is some gamesmanship battle rappers would do this all the time they'd be like i haven't even started writing for the battle it's like the night before meanwhile they're 15 verses in they're 15 bars they have interchangeable shit shit they could put here like i'm still working on it like i'm just gonna figure it out the night beforehand. I think there has to be that level of gamesmanship with it. And you got to assume Gillis the Illest probably has a couple bars just on lock. Oh, yeah. When the Illest gets up there. I'm glazing.

I'm glazing today. I wore the Matt and Shane's hat on purpose. Yeah. Oh, my God. To show my support. I bring up Shane. He starts giving me all shit for doing tricks on it i'm doing the fucking i'm doing backflips no you're gabby douglas on

that dick right now i'm doing tricks on it for sure you truly are fucking uh michaela maroney on his dick right now yeah big time which is crazy but shame on larry nassar speaking of michaela maroney i don't want to be you know of course all good bro no but uh i'm pumped to see him on my pals gardini's staying with me on saturday are you serious yeah where the fuck is he staying the couch bro are you serious i'm gonna make it up nice for him what dude he's not doing bad what do you mean he hit me i i had the same thought but i didn't say it what he's not doing that bad he doesn't have to do that hotels in new york are like 89 bro he probably just wants to stay with one of his close personal friends well where the fuck are you gonna sit my room no sit

sit yeah oh i'm assuming he's not gonna be sleeping the entire day yeah but what are you gonna do in between that's a tight apartment for the two of you you think i was hanging out that for a weekend together he's only staying on saturday night oh and he'll be up late that night or so you're are you staying in the city yeah i'm in the city oh you're trying to go to the after party yeah i'm going to go wow i'm doing tricks on it oh my god you want to hear you want to hear how bad it really is he put the fucking what cardboard box we were talking about sass is drinking this weekend and i've come to a full acceptance and oh he's gonna have some bud lights this weekend actually an encouraging point i was like i actually think it's great what you're doing

i know i said this weekend will be a challenge. And he goes, this weekend I might break. No, I did not say that. I said it's going to be a challenge. I did not say that either. I was not coming up with hypotheticals in my head. I think you said you might break. I said going to an SNL after party sober is going to be hard.

But you specifically said when Shane starts making fun of you. I never said that. Yes, you did. No, I didn't. Shane and gardini no i didn't say gardini was already texting me nasty things you have a 24 pack of bud light that's behind a case of glass in your apartment that you're saving for this weekend it's ice cold break in case of glazing yeah exactly yeah you're gonna fucking relapse hard which I am not rooting for. None of us are. None of us are.

I'm not going to drink this weekend. In fact, maybe I should spend the weekend with you. I think I might. Should I stay home from Key West? Yeah. I'll stay home from Key West and just make sure. I don't want to go to any parties, but I just want to make sure that you have somebody on hand. Let's pile into the Tesla.

Let's drive upstate. Get away. Watch the battery dwindle. Yeah. Get some fly fishing gear. And we'll watch We'll watch it Like the rest of America

Yeah we'll watch it on TV I'm fine with that I don't need to do anything I think we need to remove you From any of these Temptations Stressors Temptations

The things that might be Leading you down The unrighteous path I'm with him on this one I'm worried about you I'm telling you guys right now I'm not going to drink this weekend Promise?

Yes Will you be honest if you do absolutely you'll come clean yes i'm gonna text sean right now do not i'm gonna text shane don't why none of this because i don't need you guys doing this making me shit harder for me no i'm gonna say don't tempt hairball. Yeah, that'll work. Don't touch him. And then he will be like, who the fuck is this? Who are you texting? Cardini. What'd you say? I said make sure that Sass doesn't drink this weekend. No temptations.

Bastard. Nice. Why do you want to get tempted? Why do you want to walk through the fucking coals? That's going to be a full pack of jewel pods kind of night. Just flying through them out of control. doing it in one drag like a cartoon like tom and jerry like sucking down the entire cigarette in one fucking drag you gotta find something you gotta find some sort of fucking yeah dude by the way so this is funny. I got a five-hour energy at the gas station.

Which was very out of character. And they looked at me as if I was a fucking psychopath. The gas station bros or the youngsters? Me, guys. Why? Because it's just not in character for Francis to be drinking five-hour energy. I said I only had two hours of it. He was only drinking. He said he only was going to have 45 minutes at first.

And then he spilled the rest of the three hours into my cup which is five hour energy has got to be one of the hardest drinks to spill well it's like one of those children sippy cups that won't fall i didn't put the top back on because i lost it since i couldn't i was driving and then i put it in the cup holder and it turns out the five hour energy ball bottle is a lot smaller than the cup holder. Yes. So as soon as we turned it tipped over and filled the cup holder.

I don't know how that's ever out of character for anybody to have a five hour energy though. Because it's just not something that you think Francis would do. What is it like for the kids

or some shit like that? No you would just expect Francis to have some sort of weird like fucking Oh like a matcha or some shit like that. Like the herbs give you the energy.

Yeah. You don't actually need caffeine. You choose coffee beans. Yeah, yeah. Just suckles on coffee beans between his lip and his gum. I told him he may as well just get one of those caffeine patches instead. If you're going to go five hours. I've never had a five-hour energy.

We had a lot of riffs about five-hour. We can redo them right now if we want to. No, no. Save it for your boys for Braxton's podcast. His name's not Braxton. Braxton Berrios. I know. The guy on the Dolphins. I thought you said he's a Hispanic guy from Miami. Isn't that a guy on the Dolphins? It is. He's like the third string wide receiver. He's dating Alex Earl. Alex Earl.

Yeah. Alex Earl. Yeah. Yeah. Boing. Chill, bro. I actually don't know anything about her. You're doing tricks on her pussy right now. I would never. You're fucking glazing her pussy. Although I did bet on Braxton to score a touchdown one game because Tyreek Hill was out.

And I was like, they're going to have to go to someone. And then I think he didn't even catch the ball once the whole game. Yeah, their wide receiver room was so deep. So deep. I don't know if we could talk ball in the offseason, but they had chosen Anderson, Jalen Waddle. They traded for Chase Claypool. They're saying that A.J. Brown's going to the Patriots.

No, they're not. They are. No one's saying that. I got insiders that are saying that at the Eagles. Who's that? Gardini? No. This dude, like, Sirianni or something like that. He was texting me.

He DM'd me this week. Don't even fucking joke about this, dude. Does that guy still work for you guys? Don't even fucking joke, dude. You know how seriously I take this shit. I do. Check out the fucking bird on the hat, bro. I know.

Check out the bird on the 47. Caw, caw. Where's your 47? That's a great hat. That's a solid lid right there. Do you need one? I do. I can get you some.

I need a Patriots one. I was looking at their selection. They got one. It looks so funny in a big-ass Patriots hat with a big Patriots logo on it. Does 47 have flat brims? Of course. They have every make and model. I need a flat on it. Dude, they got flat. Does 47 have flat brims? Of course. Yeah. They have every make and model.

I need a flat brim. Oh, no. What? The guard dog said, you need to drink. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. You should not let him stay with you. I'm not worried about me one-on-one with him forcing me to drink.

I don't think that would be the environment that I'm going to break in. He's going to wait until you're asleep and then he's going to take one of those little oil funnels that you find for a car. Yeah. He's going to put the end right in between your lips.

No, he's going to spread your fucking cheeks. He's going to put it in my ass for sure. Gently. Oh, he's going to make you butt chug. He's going to boof it.

That would be a rough way to break sobriety. No! No! Boofing it. No, it's a loophole. Yeah. It's like,

I haven't been drinking. Loophole through the poophole. It truly is. I wonder if anyone's ever broken sobriety like that. I think it's like being like, I don't smoke weed, but I take edibles. That's the same kind of thing.

That's not me. I don't know if that's the same thing at all. Up my ass. I don't drink beers, but I boof them. I told you know if that's the same thing at all. Up my ass. I don't drink beers, but I boof them. I told you guys about that. Have I told you about the guy on Instagram that I saw who was like, I think I told you about this off the podcast,

but the guy on Instagram who was like, he has a video of him with a handle of Tito's, and he's pouring it down the drain. And he's like, today I decided I'm never going back to hard liquor ever and there's like mo it's like the music in the background is like wake me up inside can't wake up and it's like and all the comments are like dude good for you 20 years today for me it'll get it just keeps on getting better stay sober and then someone was like you so are you still drinking beers though and he's like oh yeah of course 100 he's like i'm just not drinking hard alcohol hard alcohol is actually probably healthier

clear liquor it is hilarious it's like dude you're just getting drunk slower and still getting the same amount of drunk and you're putting way like other weird shit in your body yeah it's just hilarious to make a video flavored barley in your body to make a video being like never going back and then just instantly just cracking a fucking ipa just like and and scrolling comments yeah they fucking love me 20 years off of hard liquor today i'm a fucking legend around these still getting blackout my family can't stand me posted from malibu rehab yeah that shit is hilarious drinking four locos still but uh no jameson so and so did uh how did how'd the invite come to be for the after party

the gardini just said you can come yeah I haven't even confirmed with anyone else. Yeah, of course. I said, he texted me, well, when it happened, I said, are you going to come to New York? And he said, I don't know. And I said, come, you can stay at my place. I haven't seen him in a while. And then he texted me like a week ago and said, I'm going to come. Yikes, dude.

What? It just must be hard to breathe with how far his dick is. I guess you could just in and out. The glazing is out of control. Jay Glazer over here. Oh, man. That's fucking enough, dude. Nicky Glazer. There you go.

That's good, too. That's good, too. That's good enough. Mickey Glazer. There you go. That's good too. That's good too. That's good too. I spent this weekend watching Love is Blind. I was supposed to go to the NBA All-Star weekend. That's the one about the blind people? Yeah. The blind autistic people?

Yeah. Love on the spectrum is blind. It's these autists who can't see anything anything but they have the purest type of love but they just can't find each other yeah every episode's a game of marco polo what is that when it's a blind dating show they don't see each other why is it what everyone's talking about it what's that all off of what is it off of feel off of touch no they're in two different rooms they just talk to each other they're in like separate sides of the hallway. The idea is can you fall in love with someone's personality basically. But one of this guy was down to like two girls.

He couldn't decide between both of them. And one of them was like he was like any celebrity like like comparisons or lookalikes. And she was like people tell me that I look like who is it. MGK his girlfriend. And he was like, people tell me that I look like, who is it, MGK's girlfriend? And he was like, Megan Fox? You look like Megan Fox? And you can tell that it completely colored his view of her.

And the other girl he saw her get to, smoking hot. And this girl, unfortunately, does not look anything like Megan Fox. Oh, man. In any way, way shape or form nor the face nor the hair nor the body well on the bright side I mean once the show is over can't you just

be like oh I want that one no because you have to well first off the one with the they don't like it's not like a contract no the hot one was like because that because all the girls are living together and so the girls figured out who it was down to and one was like because that because all the girls are living together and so the girls figured out who it was down to and she was like you're gonna fucking regret this with every fiber of your being the non-megan fox one the hot one yeah the actually hot one is was like you're gonna

want you're gonna need a fucking epi pen to open up your veins because you will not be able to breathe when you see like she tell her she didn't look like megan fox she didn't say that but she was he was like she was like when you see what you've done basically like suggesting that like that's nasty and she was so hurt by it so hurt that uh he picked the other girl or whatever and then the girl walked out and you just see the guys like smile and he like keeps on smiling but like the light just leaves his eyes when he fucking she doesn't look like she doesn't look like him but on the show you have to propose to like see them so he's like engaged to be married to this woman and he never knew what she looked like except for her saying that she looked like was she attractive still or no uh

how much did she weigh see what these girls look like I actually just looked her up on Instagram so I could show you the girl and you tell me if she looks like Megan Fox have you seen that one clip of I don't know I don't even know if it's a real show but it's just that clip of the it's like an Asian dude and this girl who's like pretty big

and he's like she's like who are you into and he's like he says who are like what kind of guys are you into? What's your type? And she was like, I like scrawny Asian guys. And he's like, a scrawny Asian guy. And he's like, oh, really? I'm a scrawny Asian guy.

And then they go on talking. And then he's like, can we do a hug? And then he hugs her. And she's larger. Oh, yeah. This is the Megan Fox? This is the Megan Fox? This is the Megan Fox. She actually does look like Megan Fox,

in my opinion. Like the face. I might have said Drew Barrymore more, just from that picture. I don't know. Everyone on there, take a closer look. Everyone's telling her

that her celebrity lookalike is actually Adele. Reading her Instagram comments, it's like a joy, but it's also like a negative look into the minds of women. How our queens ripped down our queens. Man, they are flaming her in the comments. She ripped down. Is Megan Fox in the room with us? Who did she rip down get therapy

no not her the women in her comments are like yeah they're like you need therapy bitch they're telling her to turn the comments off yeah she's like I got this she has I mean her followers I mean she was at 23,000 yesterday she's at 30,000 today like it's going up worth it yeah

I mean her numbies are going up worth it yeah yeah i mean her numbers are going up but i don't know if you want to end a game show with only 30 000 followers but i think people are still watching it's like a netflix thing like you capped out at 30k it's not over it's 7 000 a day since yesterday so she's still in it i mean i'm on like episode four or whatever and they're so they just got to the like they, they're like meeting for the, or like spending time together for the first time in person. And she keeps on being like, do you like me? Like, do you think I'm attractive? Like, are you attracted to me?

And it's like brand new. So I don't know what's going to wind up happening. I can't see them staying together. He was like, she was lying about the Megan Fox thing. He said that? Yeah. Is she, is he attractive?

Uh, I don't know. I'm not, I'm not gay, bro. True. Every day, I was good. Whenever people are like,

uh, that's how I find out I'm not gay. Good pause on you there. Because people are like, uh, is this guy attractive? Is this guy not attractive? And I'm just like,

I don't know. Couldn't tell me. I had no idea. Couldn't tell tell me i only know if girls are attracted because i'm that fucking straight yeah i think he did well but is my inside usually just say no because i'm not attracted to men that's but then you can say that would imply you know what an attractive one looks like no i know all that i know in my opinion all men are hideous isn't opinion, all men are hideous. Isn't that what academics said? All men are equally hideous? Yes. Academics said that seriously on Andrew Schultz's show or something. It's like, I don't know. I think all men are gross.

That's so funny. He's probably gay. Oh, yeah. He's definitely gay. Academics had some shit come out about him recently, right? Yeah. He was like- Oh, he was fucking kids.

He was fucking kids, beating women, and he's gay. That's crazy. Allegedly. That's three big ones. Whoa. Gay and a pedophile? Well, I think we're the ones who are alleging he's gay. Yeah, I know.

He's not gay. Well, he probably is. He fucked kids that were women. Say what you want about academics. He's not gay. Say what you want about academics. He's not gay. Say what you want about Jared Fogle. He's definitely straight. Hetero pedo.

Yeah, which is a nice... There's a big difference there. In prison, they don't even look down on that. No, they do. In prison, they would just fucking stab him like 23 times and not kill him. Yeah. Where would you get stabbed 23 times and not die?

It'd have to be all legs. Arm, yeah. Dude, you'd be surprised. It's like... Chest? Yeah, you can get stabbed a lot of times and not die. Okay. Steffi Graf got stabbed

a bunch of times. Didn't Steffi Graf, the tennis player, get stabbed a bunch of different times? Didn't Machine Gun Kelly, well no, Machine Gun Kelly got punched in the chest 55 times. Why? You guys never seen that news report?

He did, I swear. I'll look it up right now Move What are you doing, man? And they're courteous enough to not give many face shots Machine Gun Kelly cancels shows after getting punched in the chest 65 times Was that like a jackass thing? I got punched in the chest 65 times was that like a jackass thing i got punched in the chest 65 times he told fans and he's still in pain that was in 2017 they got punched how i got punched but they ain't fucking breathing

many men that's hilarious he think he would have lost count at one point yeah that he's just got like a clicker like an umpire 65 times is crazy

was he getting jumped or was he like I don't know was he like you would assume so right around with his boys 65 is a wild number

not the face not the face yeah I'm married to a girl who looks like Megan Fox 65 oh my god do you see that I'm married to a girl who looks like Megan Fox 65 Oh my god Do you see that clip

I know it's old now but the Sean Strickland meeting him Yes This guy's too fucking weird Get away from me I don't know if he's Australian He's not He's English? He's American

Is he? Sean Strickland's American? Why did I do an Australian accent? I don't know. Because you're good at it. A lot of fighters are. And I think for this, I like your Australian accent. I thought he was Irish.

No. It sounds like it. I would have done... That would have been a very bad Irish accent. He's crazy. I know. He's really... I listened to him on Theo Vaughn's podcast and it's like I would be

so uncomfortable oh well he would beat the shit out of you yeah but it's just like the shit he says like he's so upfront and like so honest he was like if I was never held there was different laws in this country I'd have your fucking head on a spike that's actually exactly how it sounds that's exactly how he sounds it doesn't sound Australian at all. No. I don't know why. But he... Dude, some of the shit that you say is just, you're fucking retarded, dude. He says that to Theo? Yeah, and Theo's like, yeah, man.

Yeah, you're not going to disagree. Yeah. I would beat the fuck out of you. There's something about your energy that I fucking hate. He's always saying shit like that. Yeah, yeah. It's not that fun. He's always saying shit like that. It's not that fun. He sparred with Sneeko.

Did you see that? Yeah. And he got in trouble by Rogan. Why? Rogan called down the power of God on him. What did Rogan say about it? Rogan said it was a bad look. Because he didn't knock him out?

No, probably because he was just beating the fuck out of some twink streamer. But that was good for his Anya. I guess it is kind of a bad look. One of the greatest fighters on the planet fighting a dude who's never fought before and actually hurting him. I don't think it's a bad look on him. I think Sneeko trains. Dude, Sneeko trains the same way that the Nelk boys train. But it's good for his Inyun.

His what? His Inyun. I don't know what that means. I think I sent that to you. I think I sent that up. Oh yeah, that's from Past Lives. I sent the clip to you guys and afterwards he like talked about it like being good for his

like Inyun or some shit like that. And it's like Arabic term for brotherhood or some shit like that and it's like the it's like arabic term for brotherhood or some shit oh really i told i told you guys that we had to work on our onion or some shit i wish i i wish i follow the ufc more because there was that like dana white was hyping up that 300th ufc and people were going nuts over like the headlining fight and i don't. I've never heard of either of the dudes that are in it. People were like, this matchup is legendary.

I thought it was going to be like Conor McGregor and Floyd Mayweather or some shit. It goes in waves, it feels like. I like it a lot. People are obsessed. I wouldn't even know Who was fighting at this point People love it Fuck

Where the fuck did I send this shit dude We need to work on our fucking Indian I think you sent that shit to me Personally God No no I need to know what this Arabic term is though Yeah you did

You sent it to me personally What's the word? You said we gotta work on our dunya Dunya Yeah the dunya We do need to work on our dunya Which means we need to fucking train Yeah

We need to all fucking get wrestling and training I'm down We need to get the shit beat out of us by Sean Strickland Yeah Imagine how bad that he would hurt us Specifically me and you Death Francis I think you'd be able to withstand some of the punches

and defend yourself. I feel like I could run away better. Yeah. I would push you. I could get behind you guys. No, I'm saying if it was just you and him in the ring, I think you could handle some of his punches. I would die. At some point, I mean, you wouldn't be brought to death. You can't even be... If he MGK'd

my chest, if he gave me 65 hard ones to the solar plexus... Two to the chest, I'm dead. I wouldn't even... I don't know what I would do. Do you just try to cover up? I mean, or do you punch back? I mean, there's no way I'm even opening my...

If I open myself up to a punch, if I'm like this and I try and throw a single punch, he's killing me with a headshot. If I let my guard down a little bit. Yeah. I would just go head body. Oh, yeah. Fucking. A lot of people don't know that a body shot actually does more damage to someone than a head shot. Yeah.

Yeah. It's so funny watching rough and rowdy fights when the dudes just refuse to do body shots. Oh, yeah. It's all head. These guys have the worst core strength possible. One body shot would probably kill them. Yeah. Kill yeah, it's all head. These guys have the worst core strength possible and one body shot would probably kill them, tell them. They just refuse to.

A little kidney shot. Oh yeah. Lights out. Spinning back fist. Oh yeah, I'd be big into the, I'd be doing a lot of cheap shots. Like pulling hair. Grabbing onto someone's hair.

That's what I'd someone's hair poking their eyes I'd want to fight that dude with the long rainbow hair more to pull on I'd probably do him the iron claw Takashi 6ix9ine would be the best to fight against or the force

if Luke Skywalker was in WWE and Sean Strickland's like something about your energy I want to beat the fuck out of you. I want to beat the fucking piss out of you. That's got to be a good feeling to just know you can say that and that you can do that. He just goes up to anybody and is like, I'll beat the fuck out of you. And they're like, yeah, you would.

My buddies in high school who used to beat up people and then I stayed friends with them in the college and stuff like that, they would have those conversations. Be like, how good is the feeling when you look in somebody's eyes and they you see abject terror and you know that they can't do anything and you can beat the fuck out of them it's like dude that's something I've never have thought about or experienced are they serial killers that's insane I don't I don't that sounds stupid to me that sound like bad people oh yeah they get off yeah yeah bad people. Oh, yeah. They get off. Yeah, yeah.

Bad people for sure. Those are just nightmare people. Yeah. Now they're fathers. Yeah. Imagine that in-house toxicity. But, I mean, what a crazy feeling to even, like, I've never even thought about that. That's true warrior shit in a negative, nasty way.

So did you cancel your tour dates this weekend so you could go to the party? No, I don't have tour dates this weekend. Oh, so you knew before everybody else did that there was going to be a party. No, I literally saw that when I was and I said, oh, I'm in town that weekend. You kept it open in case. Yeah, just in case. Because this would traditionally be the day that SNL comes back after their Super Bowl break. No.

Maybe my agent did. He was like, he's going to want to be in town for this. Oh, yeah. He's not going to want to miss this one? No. Maybe my agent did. He was like, he's going to want to be in town for this. Oh, yeah. He's not going to want to miss this one. No.

He's going to need to be front and center. I hope they're nice to him, dude. I hope Bowen Yang's nice to him. Yeah, I've heard that guy's like, he's a real problem

offstage. Yeah, his dunya is bad. Like, he'll tie your shoelaces together and shit. He has terrible dunya. He'll nugget your backpack. Right. he'll draw penises with a highlighter pen he's kind of a jock around snl and shane's kind of a jock too so it's gonna be like two jocks clashing they might just like

fuck up the please don't i heard you like to do asian voices well do one now Funny guy See now you crossed the line What calling him gay No you inferred that he was gay I didn't even know he was gay You inferred that he was gay You wouldn't have had a problem with what I was doing This is the first I'm hearing of this I just found out now

And that does not change my perception of him whatsoever Actually I didn't think I might like him more. Now you're rooting for him. Yeah. Now you're going to be nuggeting backpacks alongside him. You want me to kneel behind him so you can push him over, park bench style? Tabletop him? You and Bo and Yang bullying the host?

That would be hilarious if Bo and Yang and fucking Keenan were just tabletopping Shane all weekend. The bully comes to a new school and gets bullied. All right. Well, we've been going for quite some time, I feel. Have we? What's our time like? I'll keep a nine. Fucking ten.

Oh, fuck. That's a little bonus for the people at home. A little bonus, yeah. Lucky we're not making you pay for that hell yes we need to do a 10 minute patreon afterwards yeah really let loose help with our dunya yeah all righty well thank you guys for listening madison see the boys at madison madison i'm gonna be in san diego in two weeks i'll be in in Houston and New Orleans March 1st and 2nd. And I will be in Key West this weekend. Pop by, say hello. Pop by, I'm going to be at that

70 plus nudist bar that they have. Oh yeah, I've heard about that. They have a male only nudist bar for octogenarians, septogenarians. Fuck yes. Well, we'll see you guys on,

I guess Thursday, right? Thursday now. We'll see you Thursday. Goodbye. I gotta piss.