Son of a Boy Dad - DUUVAL | Son of a Boy Dad #271

Episode Date: January 30, 2025

DUUVAL | Son of a Boy Dad #271 -- Harry, Adam & Francis shoot the breeze -- #Ad: Download the Gametime app today and use code BOYDAD to easily score great deals with Gametime Picks! -- #Ad; For 30% off your order, head to https://Orgain.com/BOYDAD and use code BOYDAD. -- #Ad: Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app and use code BOYDAD. GAMBLING PROBLEM? CALL 1-800-GAMBLER, [phone] or visit gamblinghelplinema.org (MA). Call 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY). Please Gamble Responsibly. 888-789-7777/visit ccpg.org (CT), or visit www.mdgamblinghelp.org (MD). 21+ and present in most states. (18+ DC/KY/NH/WY). Void in ONT/OR/NH. Eligibility restrictions apply. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino & Resort (KS). 1 per new customer. Min. $5 deposit. Min. $5 bet. Max. $200 issued as non-withdrawable Bonus Bets that expire in 7 days (168 hours). Stake removed from payout. Terms: dkng.co/dk-offer-terms. Ends 2/9/25 at 11:59 PM ET. Sponsored by DK. -- Follow us on our socials: https://linktr.ee/sonofaboydad -- Merch: https://store.barstoolsports.com/collections/son-of-a-boy-dad -- SUBSCRIBE TO THE YOUTUBE #SonOfABoyDad #BarstoolSportsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

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beds expire 168 hours after issuance for additional terms and responsible gaming resources. See dkng.co slash audio. Alrighty. Welcome back to the son of a boy dad podcast today. It is January 29th. We're here live from HQ3. Hello. Hello. Hello. It's Wednesday.

Good to see you, good brothers. You guys look handsome as hell. I pulled such a Francis by bringing in these boots. God damn, dude. I saw those the second you walked in and I said to myself, wow, those are exactly the ones I wanted. They're timeless boots. What do you think of them?

Timeless. What do you think of them? I think they have no time limit on them. These are the kind of boots after seven, eight years, you get them resold. Oh yeah. You don't sell them. They're resold. You repair them, yeah.

Yeah, you get a similar to a cowboy boot. Those are Para Boot, which is one of the brands that when I asked for solicitations of good footwear to look at, a lot of people from our audience suggested Para Boot. And I looked at them and I went, but the store I went to did not have my size in that exact boot, which is what I wanted. The licorice of Oreos. Yep. I love the laces.

So- That's the most important thing when I buy boots is lace, the laces. Yeah. I need a red or a green or something funky. Love that chunky lace you got on there. That's really good. Really good stuff.

Rone looking awesome. Good, good looks. Thank you, brother. Looking absolutely fresh and good for his new show. Check out rone.com. Well, I was just saying that I just, I was watching clips of both of you on the show today. Yeah. I watched your the the mini bar video. Classic. Classic. And then we were watched an old

little Sasquatch clip that the chat was clamoring for of you walking through New York saying how nice it was to get stabbed by a needle. And the really thing that, the thing I was struck by was how you were filming from under your face, but you didn't have a double chin. You just look cute as a fucking button. I know the video, I was coming from the gym. That must have been it, and you could see it, dude. You had the glow.

You had the chin pump at that time. Yeah, he was doing the chin exercise. When you strap the thing to your head and you pick up a weight. At that point, yeah, all your chin musculature was tight to your face. And if you'd filmed it later in the day, it would have been droopy and doubled again. No, probably not. I was in really good shape then. No, you were mewing like crazy.

That was when I was in the best shape of my life in that video. Joking? Were you joking? Your face? I actually remember getting home from filming that video and my back was soaked in sweat because it was so hot out. That's a blessing though. And I remember I was walking so much

because I had to try and find a street where there wasn't a lot of people so I could film it. But you were filming like the sky. There was no one behind you. You were just filming up your face. It could have been a billion people around you. You just couldn't tell from the perspective. But it is uncomfortable to film in front of people like that. Yeah, I don't do it.

What happened from when you made those videos to now? A lot. Anything personally? Why don't you do them anymore? I just got bored of them. Not really in my interest anymore. Did you watch- More interested in making Call of Duty edits now? I thought you were going to say that was the video that you watched.

I watched that video. Good video. You like the jazz? It's so much mayhem. You like the jazz though? Yeah, that was nice. Nice touch, right? I was looking at...

I had to turn it sideways and try to look really closely to see what sort of badges and honors... Did you just put this out? Savior. I put it out this morning. You got a savior? I got a savior, yeah. What you just put this out? Savior. I put it out this morning. You got a savior? I got a savior, yeah. What'd you edit it on?

I had a movie on my phone. At 2 a.m. last night. When you would jump to a new place where you were, was that because you'd been killed? Yeah. Oh. Yeah. What was the most number of kills you got in a row during that particular round? During the video? I don't think you can play it. I think the music might get copyrighted. What was the most number of kills you got in a row during that particular round?

During the video, I don't think you can play I think the music might get copyrighted. Was that Miles Davis? No, it was I was on some random playlist that I have. I had to buy the song. I bought two songs to see which one would be funnier. Because at first I was like at at first I was going to do, I was going to do like fucking. What's that G unit song? Which one? Popping tags. Popping tags. Yeah, I was going to do. Is that the one's like every who we go through.

All the gangsters around the whole crew, the most around what you don't say. Ba da ba ba da ba, we be poppin' them thangs. Was it Tappin'? Poppin' them thangs, I thought it was called. Poppin' them thangs? Yeah, I was gonna do that song because I typically usually would use a rap song

for my Call of Duty edits, as I have in the past. Typically 50 Cent as well. And then I was like, it was too late to post because I knew it was going to get no traction if I posted at the hour that I was editing it. And then I was like, well, if I'm going to post it in the morning, maybe I'll put some nice jazz over it. But I was also thinking about doing like a really sad song. So I had a Bon Iver song downloaded. Bon Iver.

Bon Iver. I was going to do restacks. That one looked pretty good, but then I was like that song. Come on, skinny love. Yeah. Then I didn't want to do a song that if people don't like the song, they wouldn't watch the full video. So then I was like. Neutral. So I was like, I'm just going to go neutral, go jazz, go slow jazz. I think that was the right touch. It's amazing to think how much went into the thought process. Yeah.

Six dollars. Of a video that really, I don't know what the point of that was. What is the point of it? There isn't any. Yeah. It's just love in the game. Even if you were a major Call of Duty 6 fan,

and a Twitch, you know, consumer, streamer type guy, I don't think that your video does much for them. No, not at all. Because it's just the montage of you doing stuff in the game. Yeah. Are you doing stuff that's really impressive? Some of them are pretty impressive, yeah.

But even, but a real Twitch discerning consumer would not watch it consumer would say, there's a lot lacking here. Yeah, probably. Cause you're not showing full scenes? No, I mean, it was really- Do other people make edits just like yours? No.

It used to. It used to be a huge thing in Call of Duty was to make montages. Coaches in college, when I was being recruited for lacrosse, warned us not to create a highlight tape that was just us scoring goals nonstop. They wanted to see one game distilled our action in that game so they could see the whole run of play.

All facets of the game. Defense, carrying the ball, passing, hitting, scoring. Right? So what you have done there is exactly what the coaches told us not to do. Well, it's a little different. No, it's the same. If you're trying to show the world how good you are at Call of Duty 6 Black Ops, If you're trying to show the world how good you are at Call of Duty 6 Black Ops, it's not Black Ops. It is. Is it really?

Yes. But it's like, if you just, if a basketball player just showed a bunch of three-pointers he made, you wouldn't be like, oh, he's good at basketball. It's like, oh, he could make enough three-pointers to make the video good. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if you guys quite understand. No, but that's exactly what we do is we're telling you. There's no, like, what, what, do is we're telling you there's no like what?

What would the other thing it's a first-person shooter game? The only thing you do in the game is shoot people So what would you rather me have shown me running around? Yeah Administer aid to fall in common. No, you know you die you respawn. You can't... What about the communication part? Well, I didn't want to put my comms in there. Yeah, I feel like that would be a nice... That's like leaking my plays. Like I'm not trying to get my formations out. It was just a little teaser.

Honestly. I actually think there's something here, and I think that if you tried instead of took the piss We now have to we have to I don't think I took the piss. I think I did try You tried in your own way. I'd spent three dollars on music for this Also, we have to recognize that like if we're like you got to start taking this seriously He'll be less likely to take anything seriously. We almost have to like, neg him as his parents, as his gay dads. I think the reason that I do it is that it's,

I think the reason that it's funny is because I do take it seriously. The editing or the playing? Both, like I think that's why it's funny. Yeah, I guess. Because I'm a standup comedian who's posting call of Duty highlights. Yeah, it's pretty...

You're calling yourself a stand-up comedian now? Yeah, yeah, I am. That's fucking crazy. Speaking of which, I'm gonna be in Toronto tomorrow, or today, if you're listening to this now, through the weekend, and then Boston in a couple weeks. You got that passport ready? Yeah. I'm in DC this weekend, and just so? Yeah, I'm in D.C.

this weekend. And just so you know, I think three of the five shows are sold out and maybe more by now. They say you're in D.C. this weekend. Sorry. Next weekend. Next weekend.

So if you want to go, you better get tickets. Super Bowl weekend. Not on the Super Bowl. Friday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Imagine if the commanders were in it. I know. And you were in DC. Would have been so good for your shows. That would have been good. Everybody would have been going out. I know. You guys think that you guys know they used to call DC the Chocolate City?

Yeah. I saw that under one of Jack Max posts. Someone was saying that they used to call DC the Chocolate City. He pointed out that there were six black people in a photo and they're like six black people. They used to call DC the chocolate city. He had pointed out that there were six black people in a photo. And they were like, six black people? They used to call this the chocolate city. Damn. Really? I guess. I didn't know it was the chocolate city. This is the first I'm hearing about this. I would have thought Hershey, Pennsylvania was the chocolate city. Yeah. I didn't realize it was the chocolate city.

Hershey Park. A lot of my Ethiopian bros live down there Yeah in the DC. Yeah. Yeah, there are a lot of brothers that come from DC Yeah, Kevin Durant. Chappelle. Kevin Hart's from there. No, he's from Philly. He's from Philly But there are so many legends coming out of Philly these days. I know. Sass. When he You know, Sass, when he performs at Selium. You did make yourself Philly-coated for a little bit. Yeah, I had to. I had to bump the tickets.

It's part of it. Yeah. I'm just playing the game. Dave's done it too. Dave used to be like, I love my Philly scumbags, but then Philly does one thing and he's like, I love my Philly scumbags as much as the next guy, but they just took this guy's hat off, throw him in the clink. Yeah, I like the Philly scumbags to an extent,

except for when they're like beating up babies and stuff. It doesn't happen. I mean, every week that the Eagles play a game, there's a video that comes out of like 10 Eagles fans, like on the verge of murdering a child who's wearing like a, it has like a, it's like a Patrick Mahomes jersey that's like meant for like a dog.

Yeah, but one'sy. Cause it's so small. Yeah. It's got a little button snap in front of the crotch. Yeah. He has headphones on and a sign that says my first game. So I'm Billy fans. The back says like little Patty, Patty Mahomes. The future, the future Patrick Mahomes.

Yeah. And we just are trying to throw him off of the top balcony of the 700 level of the stadium. Get his jersey. Get his jersey. You thought you could just come here with no consequences. You're not so tough now. And then like one dude from Philly goes on and it's like, as a Philly fan, like we do not condone this behavior. This is not, and it's all forgotten. This is one bad apple. And everyone forgets it after that. Yeah, until until six days later.

Do you think that, okay, do you think that Philly has a particularly bad, you know, ne'er do well sports fan base, or are we just not seeing the concentration of, you know, Dallas Cowboys people who are ripping hats off of. No, I think you're completely right. I think, I think all fan bases are pretty much the same except for like LA.

And I think it really just depends on whose team is good. Yeah. It's funny too, where, I mean, I I've been to some Premier League games Yeah, and if all You did to an opposing fan was take their hat off. Yeah, your own fans would be like dude. What's the matter with you? Yeah, why didn't you punch him in the face and start a full-on brawl? Why didn't you stab him? Yeah, and that's fully accepted and expected Yeah, I mean the fans who travel to away games in the Premier League

are ready to fight. Yeah. And that's what they'll do. I read a book about one dude who stopped drinking because he wasn't sharp enough for his fights. Yeah. He wanted to be of sound mind when he fought, because he knew he fought better when he was sober.

Oh, yeah, I'm sure. That's fucking sick. Those videos of Russian teams, you know, the firms, when they're like meeting in a snowy field and they're marching with like red torches burning and they're singing and then they're meeting and then they just- I don't know if I've seen this. They're amazing.

They're like internet 1.0-ish, honestly. I feel like they don't happen as much anymore. It's like 70 on 70. Really? And they just like Find a guy and fight that guy Until another guy comes along and sucker punches him because he's already dispatched with his guy Yeah, and then at some point one side Realizes the other side's majority is up lying on the ground broken and bleeding and a cry goes up and they raise their fists in

victory and everyone sort of just goes their own way. Interesting. Very old school. You've never seen Green Street Hooligans? No. Oh. Fire movie. It's really good. I never even heard it. And it's like kind of corny but it's still so good. They like make Elijah Wood look like a **** nerd. Like the guy's talking about how sick British football is. And Elijah Woods on the train being like, well, the Red Sox have a guy who could throw the ball 90 miles an hour.

Yeah. It's like, dude, 90 miles an hour. Like they have a guy that can throw it 90 miles an hour. It's like, no, there's like guys that there's a guy that throws 100. Why would you not say the most that someone can throw? Yeah. Also, that movie starts out with him getting kicked out of Harvard. Yeah. And then you say he's a nerd, but then they'd also

turn him into this brawling, bruising kind of brilliant. He's one friendship away from being a destructive fighter. Yeah, and it's like Elijah Wood's 5'4". He played a Hobbit without CGI. They cast him for that part due to his stature and his visage. And then by the end of the movie, he's like, all right, let's have it. Come on, then. It's just like fighting huge dudes. Dude, speaking of five, four, did you guys see the video of LeBron with AJ Brown and

Cooper Dejean? It makes them look like. Why do they all look like? Did you guys see the did you see the video of LeBron with AJ Brown and Cooper de Jean? It makes them look like why do they all look like they would looks like they were like a JV like middle school Football team because LeBron is 6'8 6'9 Takashi I looked it up this morning. I Think he's 6'8 Then it kind of you know, it's he'd said he was 6'9. It's good. I don't know I've seen it both ways you've seen it like to the inch I've seen it I six eights ringing a bell for me if he's six eight then the Eagles are in trouble I'm looking at oh bro do you what do you think Hollywood Brown looks

like next to him Hollywood Brown and and Xavier Worthier are like his legs. Yeah. They're nowhere close. They kind of just made me be like, damn, maybe football's like a pussy sport. Like, LeBron is a tank next to them. They're saying 6'9 on Google, but then there's all kinds of other stuff. I went to that Grizzlies game and met Zach Eadie and he was fucking huge. Yeah.

He's fucking massive and he's bigger than LeBron. Like he's seven five. Well seven five is ridiculous. Hey what's up man nice to meet you. Part of it made me think like LeBron's so athletic and he's so huge but not huge the way that like Kevin Durant is huge. Like he's like built like a football player. What do you mean Kevin Durant? Kevin Durant's not huge.

Kevin Durant's like seven feet tall. You're saying, so that's the difference that you're pointing out. LeBron is fucking jacked up where Kevin Durant is like slim, a slim big guy. So in that sense, I wouldn't have started by saying LeBron's not huge the way that Kevin Durant is, just tall. That's not what I said. You used the word huge. I said LeBron is huge, and I said not like the way Kevin Durant is huge.

I say what you mean. I got a little confused there. I just meant Kevin Durant is like super tall, but he's like super sl Yeah. And LeBron is super tall, but he's not super slender. So I was like, part of me was like, he could have like, what if he played like wide receiver? Dude, that's been, this has been a conversation for a while. I know. And I would have thought that like, you know, maybe not now, but 10 years ago, you could have taken LeBron off of the basketball court, put cleats on him, and told him to go to camp. He's probably making the team.

Dude, imagine throwing Hail Mary's to a dude who's 6'9". It's Megatron. It's Megatron. It's Megatron. You could throw it at him in triple coverage. Every single time. Play like 500. Like, magic box.

Yeah. But if he had to block anybody, like Draymond Green tried to play tight end for Michigan State. Yeah. And he was like getting tossed, I think. Cause he can't block cause those guys are so much, cause they're so popular.

Cause he's like lightening his ass. Yeah. Pulse. But he's like, he doesn't have like the squat strength. Like these dudes are on the squat rack, like 600 pound squatters. Well, I feel it's also gotta be a lot six hundred I feel like it's also got to be harder to block someone who's way shorter than you They're like they're like yeah, you have to get there like tackling at your knees

Yeah, you can't get low. Yeah, like Draymond. Yeah push. Yeah. Yeah, but LeBron could do the tush push Yeah, you wouldn't even yeah Yeah. You just jump over. I think they got to start. I think this is something that people need to start thinking about. Imagine if Shaq had like played tight end. Oh, yeah. But if that's your goal, then why not put Victor Wembenyama for the tush push? Takes the ball and just reaches seven yards ahead. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, they would work.

He space jams it. Yeah. I just see LeBron. Like, I see LeBron like I see LeBron I feel like LeBron could be a legitimately good wide receiver and then the fact that he's so tall I feel like would be like you wouldn't be able to stop. Has there ever been a wide receiver that's 6'9"? I think Harold Carmichael on the Eagles was about 6'8". Really? Was he dominant? Yes. Yeah? Extremely. Was it just like just won't just grab? I mean it was like so it was a long time ago I think it was like pre-highlight tapes.

Dude, it's fun to go back and watch Megatron highlights. Yeah, that dude was amazing. Have you ever watched him? I have, yeah. 329 yards receiving in one game. Yeah, it's insane. NFL record. That's sick.

And he's basically, he's like 6'5", probably. Yeah. Like, kind of the same vibe. But his hands are probably just gigantic. But like LeBron's hands? I bet you Megat but his hands are probably just gigantic but like LeBron's hands Like I've been making Tron's hands. You can palm a basketball that easily Imagine a foot like a football. It's got to be I mean you're making just you could just grab it like that Like just just just little snap lobster claw. Yeah, like they would make that Odell catch look like nothing

Mm-hmm, cuz he'd just be just catch look like nothing mm-hmm cuz he just be just Justin Jefferson next day and Edwards like Justin Jefferson's huge and so Justin Jefferson's pretty huge No, the Edwards is on the right Yeah, he's the smallest guy on the court damn and Justin Jefferson is tall in football so is AJ Brown 6-2 Yeah, well do when I looked up AJ cuz that why saw the of, I saw the video of LeBron and I was like, damn, AJ Brown must be like 5'8". And then I looked it up and I was like 6'2". And then I was like, dude, so I was like,

so LeBron's tall as well. So Jordan Milato on the Eagles is 6'8", though. Yeah. The offensive lineman. He's like 6'8", like 330 or something, 3'40". And so that's the dude who's 6'8", and he's like sprinting down the sideline moving people Oh, it's O line. Yeah, but you don't think I get out of control here

If if he's fat you have a fat man if he runs into LeBron, he's breaking LeBron But there's never gonna be a situation where he would be running into when would an O Why would the O lineman be running into the wide receiver by accident? Doesn't know where it is. It sounds like a man who just doesn't know ball. Like a halfback sweep. Halfback sweep, yeah. He's trying to set the edge or something.

I mean, there was a play this week where he blocked two guys into A.J. Brown and folded A.J. Brown. All right. All right. And I hate to even make it serious and flex on you, but you start throwing around allegations like, I don't know ball. That's honestly when Francis was talking about his lacrosse highlight tapes, where you have to watch the whole game tape,

I was gonna relate to you as a kind of novice ball knower. When you're scouting the college guys, you don't wanna watch the highlight tape. You want full game versus Florida, full game versus Ole Miss. So you could see their best plays, you could see when they disappear on tape. Interesting, interesting.

Good to know. As a ball knower, I mean, I just feel like I want to do like that. I mean, you're talking about. And then you throw out the allegation. You were acting like LeBron and Jordan Milato are the same height. And Jordan Milato are gonna be doing like

Oklahoma drills mid game. Maybe. You don't know ball. Don't say that, bro. Wow. Which is why I'm going with the Chiefs for the Super Bowl. I Need you to come to the game. So I saw one to sit with I know I'm gonna go But you can't go with go for the Chiefs. No, I'm gonna go for the I'm gonna I think more my Drake major

Z final decision Now I'm John John dead serious. I'm okay with that. I think I'm going to I'm fine with that Why would you do that just to give them a preview like get ready for next year? It's just like showing your yeah Yeah, it's like when they play in like when they play in England and dudes are wearing like Jaguars Shirt, is that like a well, I guess the Jaguars play in England for most of their games of the season You should wear your Mac Jones for real Oh, no, it's so uncomfortable. That clip is the worst thing I've ever seen. I don't think that I think that video didn't I think that video did him dirty.

No, did you? I watched the whole thing. But dude, if you watch any of those press conferences, you can't hear anyone from the crowd. They easily could have laughed and you couldn't have heard it. They did. It's uncomfortable. They laughed. You can't hear this. No, it's less uncomfortable if you hear laughs after.

The one thing that makes it, he can't be redeemed from it is because he unhinges his eyebrows where one goes up per syllable. That makes it- It's brutal. It's a tough video. That makes it unconscionable. I'm cautious. Duval. I try to square that dude giving a pump up speech in the locker room to some 340 pound guy who's ready to like hopped up on painkillers

and ready to run through glass. Yeah. It kind of is like, did you ever, okay, play it again. Oh. Jesus Christ. There is some laughter. It kind of has the same vibe as like did you ever watch Hard Knocks last year when it was the Dolphins?

And it'd be like Mike McDaniels and you'd be like he'd make a joke and then they'd pan over to like just like one of the 400 pound alignment and they just wouldn't have even a smile on their face. And you'd be like, I have a feeling this, it's hard for this guy to keep the locker room on his side. Of course. Nerds are for sure infiltrating football. Oh yeah.

Like the advance of analytics has guys like me and you with a decent shot. Guys like Mike, like like Arthur Smith like yeah These guys are all I think deep down nerds. Oh, yeah same with this guy But Liam Cohen Liam Cohen sounds like one of your Harvard classmates It does the Cohen trust the Cohen trust the Cohen Foundation. Yeah, like Duval. Duval. What were the three things he said before?

What did he say, like, Jacksonville? Dude, but I watched it, it was like, it was kind of out of nowhere. Yeah. He was like, we're looking to bring wins back to the, back to Jacksonville, Duval. And everyone was like, what? But the way he kind of like-

Yeah, he like really like shimmies into it. It's like almost like a lesbian cop Yeah, something like yeah, like this like really crazy confidence of a gay cop. It's a tough gay woman cop It's a tough one do Being able to unhinge your eyebrows like that. Yeah the fact that that's the first word that 99% of the people who've ever heard of you hurt. Yeah, he's also wearing like he's wearing like a baggy suit. It's just a rock video. But hold on a second. It's got like a fucking kings of comedy suit on.

Yeah. It's Stacey Adams. 2003 NBA draft. Yeah. You said that nerds are, you know, taking over football. Right. There have been nerds in football who can still maintain that steely, you know... Oh yeah, Bill Belichick.

Bill Belichick. People... he was a nerd, but he didn't... Genius. People listened to him. Yeah, because he's a fucking asshole. He's a hard ass. But not in the way... not in the drill sergeant way, not in the former NFL guy player. He's more of like the disapproving father.

Mike McDaniels fucked it up for everyone. Mike McDaniels happened because before him like Matt LaFleur happened and because before that Sean McVeigh happened and Sean McVeigh was what really changed it because they're like, Oh, this young guy is a fucking smart coach. And then they went from his tree and then they went down to McDaniel's. McDaniel's might be a step too far because he has it even in his like clothing, like he'll wear the Capri pants and like have his whole ankle out. He wears the off white shoes. And like Belichick would cut his sleeves off. Like he like he dressed like the autist he is. Yeah. Yeah

Yeah, the genius. Autistic genius. Yeah Which I think is impressive Yeah, Belichick was the best Do you see Belichick's calling for the the Lombardi trophy to be changed to the Brady trophy That's crazy glazing. I'm making them a home's trophy. I don't see a reason why not. I'm surprised.

Do you think that's him trying to do damage control, given that their relationship is fractured? I don't think their relationship is fractured. I think it's fractured, given what I saw from that documentary. Have you seen them on interviews? Dude, they do like interviews together, like every single week. That's all damage control. They're trying to write the narrative,

because that documentary exposed the fact. I think the relationship relationship between the crafts and Belichick is definitely broken. Well, I think it's Brady and craft on one side Belichick on another I think I think that's what craft thinks Yeah, but Tom went to Tom went Tommy went to build Tommy went to Bobby's house And he and he cried. Tommy came over, he was crying. He was crying. Like a baby.

Yeah, he was crying like a baby. And it was all because Billy. And my heart broke for Tommy. It was all because Billy hadn't given him, they weren't even acknowledging him in the way that he deserved to be. So now Billy is coming back and saying, let's change the Vinny Lombardi Trophy to the Tommy Trophy.

I think Belichick thinks, or I think, I think Robert Kraft thinks that like him and him and Tom are still like super close. Like this is forever. It's us against Belichick. I think at the end of the day though, it's two football guys. I mean, you got Brady and Belichick. Obviously they're going gonna side against Kraft. What did Kraft do?

He did everything. Being rich? He put them together. He baked the cake. Brother, you've fallen a little too deep into the Apple TV documentary. I'm afraid you're not reading between the lines. All right, look.

It was a hit piece. It was. No, it wasn't. Even Belichick said it on Pat McAfee recently they they I could read between the lines of Tom Brady's what he said in his interview pieces Belichick said on Pat McAfee the other day said that there someone said the document the the documentary is about you and he said there's one documentary about me he said there's another one that's a roast yeah it's you know he, you know, he would say that now. He would say that now.

The documentary, dude, anyone that watches that documentary and comes away with, comes away from it being like, oh man, Belichick sucks is just a fool. I don't think he sucks. I think that the truth is that he and Tom Brady were, you know, that they butted heads a little bit. Yeah. Two alphas, right? Yeah, both alike and dignity

Yeah, and fair New England where we play our scene so my point being that Fucking Belichick did not give Tom, you know, he was Suggesting that other quarterbacks were gonna start drafting quarterbacks Yep, I mean good looking quarterbacks were gonna start drafting quarterbacks. Yeah, but I mean, good looking quarterbacks. All right. Like that whole argument about like Matt Cassell, about, about Kraft being like, Belichick told us to get rid of Brady and then Brady won the Superbowl the next year. Like, yeah, that sucks. Brady also assembled like a star

team for the Bucks that the Patriots didn't have and he sucked the next season That's the best and then retired bowl that Tom Brady won by far the most memorable the one with the Bucks Not even class his legacy. What's his best one then? Atlanta, yeah No, I disagree because to me all the New England stuff I could say was the brilliance of Robert Kraft mainly And I could write it off to that, you know brilliant Master up in the glass office, you know knows exactly how to see our money. Yeah That's why that's why Belichick was forced to get rid of Brady because he knew that

Craft wasn't gonna spend on the people that Brady wanted. Yeah, it's, I don't know what documentaries you're watching. I've seen them all. That's not what I saw. If Belichick sucks at, oh, I'm sorry, go finish your point. Well, just to say that Brady then went to a different team, completely different market,

totally different coaching staff, different, you know, everything, and won a Super Bowl there? That to me, different colors, different fucking dude, there literally couldn't have been whether they could have gotten rid of the offensive coordinator and the head coach and just kept a defensive coordinator and they still would have won that Super Bowl in Tampa Bay. It was Brady. It was like Brady assembled the Avengers and won the Super Bowl of on defense. No, I'm saying like they're like, like Brady was controlled controlled that entire offense. You're saying by getting Antonio Brown, you got it Gronk Antonio Brown.

It had a star team. They didn't win. They didn't win when they had Randy Moss and went undefeated. They didn't win though. Eli, I know that's probably hard to hear. Craft's fault. That's Balachick's fault that one was on craft Actually people have said for a while. They said that Super Bowl's on craft. Don't put that on craft Yeah, do not if you're saying that that's on Robert Kraft

Then you are admitting that he has much more to do with the wins and losses of the team I'm saying the only winner loss that he's ever impacted is that one So Bobby Billy or Tommy? Bobby. Bobby. Bobby Kraft. Bobby K. So my question related is if Billichek sucks at UNC, do you think that tarnishes his legacy forever? And on the other side of the coin, if he wins there, is that his sweetest victory? because he did it in different colors if UNC wins the national championship this year yeah he that that is his legacy I

will be open-minded to that if they make a documentary about it and the players say I loved him but what if the players say he sucks but we won the national championship which is probably what they will say in which case we will have to give all credit to the athletic director but But that's the thing that the thing that annoyed me about that documentary was it was like it was like talk about all the bad things that Bill Belichick did. There was never any mention like oh but what about the six Super Bowls that he got you guys? Like you don't think that those guys in the documentary like the the people that are speaking you don't think any of them were like, oh no

It was definitely worth it to win six super the argument is that they could have still won those Super Bowls without him being Such a mean guy. No, he was so mean. No It's bittersweet. You could be like a nice awesome coach like Sirianni, you know, it's possible to be nice as fuck It's the MJ argument right MJ won all those championships and all of his teammates are in therapy to this day because of what he did to them. Yeah, because he's a lunatic. LeBron has won four championships and all of his teammates have been having a grand old time

smiling, duck boating, not duck boating, floats. That's why they lost to the 76ers last night. Floats in the Caribbean, stuff like that, Bahamas. Banana boats. Banana boats. Yeah. I mean, yeah, if you want to settle for being mediocre, that's fine. Four championships is not mediocre.

Six. Would you rather have four or six? Four, I think. No, why? I'd rather win four as LeBron's teammate than six as MJ's teammate. Not in a million years. Also, I don't, was Scotty,

did Scotty win all six championships with MJ? Yes. He did? Yeah, I think so. Pippen did? Yes. I'm like 90% sure, yeah. Yeah, so how many, he might've been the only teammate

that won all six with MJ. But Phil Jackson was there for all six too. That's true. But everyone would note, everyone would say that Phil was the good guy to six too. That's true. But everyone would know everyone would say that Phil Was the good guy to MJ's the zen master Belichick Yeah, I mean you gotta have you gotta have one but also it's like dude Watch any tom brady like like miked up moments It's not like tom brady was on the sidelines like playing rock paper scissors with the team

Like he's fucking there's that one clip where he's like, that's good enough to suck. He's like, you suck. Like he's, he was a hard ass. Dude, you're not wrong. Just like Belichick. I think both of them, right. Not great. The only good guy. No, both of them were great. Was Robert Kraft. The way that you know Brady's really like that is cause of that roast moment when he was like, that's enough of that. Don't fucking say that again.

And that's how you know he was always with Robert Kraft because they were making jokes about Robert Kraft. Bro, that's just Tommy. Don't say that about Robert Kraft. There were lots of jokes made about Belichick at that roast and he never once said don't say that. Because Belichick's not a raging pussy. He didn't have off limits jokes in the roast.

Ah, now you're just picking. Imagine showing up to a roast and be like, but don't talk about the time that I went to the massage parlor and had like children jack me off. Yeah, that's your owner, bro. That's you know that I don't like Robert Kraft. I would say that I would say that if they were starting to say that about a true father figure who hugged me when I was crying because our coach was such a fucking asshole. And the person

that I knew that's all great. That's awesome. Championship. They leave out the person that I knew was responsible for most of the championships we won. They leave out the fact that in that story where he goes over to Bobby's house and cries, Brady's like 43 in that scene. It's like, dude, pull it together. You're worth like $300 million at that time. And you're crying. I love that we got you to

call Robert Kraft Bobby without even realizing it no I did it on purpose 100% did it on purpose we incepted you no I want 100% did it on purpose what do you think when Tommy becomes the quarterback of the Raiders when he's like 48 that would be awesome they just resigned Tommy and they just signed Pete Carroll that would be amazing yeah that would be a huge one just resigned Tommy and they just signed Pete Carroll. That would be amazing Yeah, that would be a huge one. I think it's on the table I think he could easily come back 100% if it's his team. He feels younger. He's doing the same thing He's probably like measuring his son's boner length. Oh, yeah hundred percent. What's that guy's name? I forget

You should know his name if anyone should know this guy's name the guy who's like committed to staying young No, no, no, no, no The guy who got like the he's like taking his son's blood or some shit. Yeah, he gets transfusions of his son blood Brian Johnson He did like they like measured they have like some device that like measures your erections through the night And he like compares it with his 19 year old son. He's like, look how much stronger my erections are than my son's.

He was like, no, he was like same length of time. It was like 84 minutes of erection each. And he was like, he had six and I only had five or something like that. Yeah, something weird. Erections throughout the night. Oh yeah, yeah, his erections lasted longer per erection. Yeah, he had longer time.

He had same time of erection with fewer ere his erections lasted longer per erection. Yeah, he had longer time, he had same time of erection with fewer erections, which means longer lasting erections. I don't judge my erections. Longer yards per carry. I don't, yeah. What a strange metric upon which to measure erections. I think erections should be measured on the same scale that we measure rocks, hardness, right?

Yeah. So there's diamond. But I think that is platinum. Down down into like tourmaline and I Think that is kind of what they did though limestone limestone. Hmm. I think that is kind of what they did It was the amount and lay even if you have a few of an erection for 84 minutes It's probably not like half soft. They tell you to call a doctor. Yeah. Yeah, I Don't know. I'd want someone in there with like a stud finder like half soft. They tell you to call a doctor. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know.

I'd want someone in there with like a stud finder. I kind of want to figure out how they got that. Where, how do you get that information? I want to know mine. You'd be dismayed to find out. What if mine was like 13 seconds? I can tell you exactly how you find out. All right.

So here's what you do. You cut a hole in your mattress. Yeah. Sleep face down. Yeah. Put some sensors in there. Okay. Covered in little silly putty.

That's because otherwise they're not happening. And then you, oh no, you put a little stopwatch right at the bottom, and as soon as your dick gets hard enough, it starts it by touching it, and then it stays on it, and then when it recedes it, it stops somehow. I was thinking of having a series of sticks of lipstick on a revolver and so every time you go down in the hole

and touch one, it revolves to the next piece of lipstick and the amount of colors of lipstick on your dick is how many erections you had. But I guess that wouldn't tell the length, just tell how many. And depth, right? And the depth. And depth.

Depth of erection, I think what is it? What what is the app? There's got to be an app. I think we should all do it and compare I Don't disagree with this I think we should do it a good we should do it and compare But I have a little I have a little side side step here speaking of erections How what do you guys take on on lingerie? Do you guys like lingerie? I have no qualms with it. No qualms. No qualms. No qualms.

No qualms. Are you anti? I don't know. The problem I have is that my skin is very sensitive and sometimes it just makes it very itchy. Like, unless you buy the really high quality stuff, which is made from real silk and you know netting and all that I think you got it if it's your body you have to splurge on it. You know what I mean? I think that's right, but it's like one of those things. I'm not really doing it for me. I'm doing it for them them

They what uh what was that guy's name Brian Johnson Brian Thomas jr. Yeah You're bald out actually Brian Johnson is the former Eagles offensive coordinator who's now the passing game coordinator for the Washington commanders Ball knowers will tell you that with the Florida. I went back and watched the Brandon Walker Intro video when he gets hired to Barstool. It's a good one that will make me laugh till the day that I die. Yeah. Where he's like, Dave, Dave, Dave. Yeah, he's like, what's happening? What's happening here? And his hair's straight down. Yeah. My wife cut my hair. Thank you very much. You know, she's dead. That's not funny.

She's not dead. Yeah, he killed it. No one has shown such understanding and self-awareness when just being thrown into the middle of it. Did you see the video that like Mincy was doing play by play at like a high school game the weekend when he was hired? No, no. It's so funny. There was like some someone was like going to go to Kansas and they're like, what does

this guy and Ben Mintz have in common? Like, well, they're both going to be spending next fall in Manhattan. Congrats Ben There's ones going to Manhattan, Kansas ones going to Manhattan. Oh, I see it was just Didn't brand good at it. He was like good. He wasn't like bumbling. He was like mincy. Yeah, he was like fluent They didn't Brandon wasn't Brandon supposed to go do some play-by-play for high school mmm Recently did you ever do that? I don't think he did. Oh, yeah Cuz he needed to take off like three months from work to do it and it was a free it was an unpaid

Big he was gonna be the local high school play-by-play guy. Yeah, they want him there the whole season That's what it was. He was gonna drive down on the Fridays. Yeah, he's gonna drive to Mississippi from Illinois or something like that Well, cuz he just doesn't like to fly I guess But he does it he does it right we'll have to have branded on the podcast next week Brandon Walker. Yeah Yeah, maybe Tommy Tommy Walker, I was just thinking Brandon talk fantasy Yeah, after he whipped everyone's asses. Oh. Are you going to make him a trophy as commission? I think that's your duty. Oh, it should be the Rogan kettlebell.

No, we need that. We're not giving that away. It's not a bad trophy though for next season. We'll do it for next season. We'll do it for next season. Roan did to get that here is not, means we're not giving it away. Also if we gave it away, who, how would you get it? I was going to say you don't have to worry about it because I'm definitely not bringing that thing to New Orleans. You're not giving it away. Also, if we gave it away, how would you get it? I was gonna say, you don't have to worry about it,

because I'm definitely not bringing that thing to New Orleans. You're not bringing it anywhere. No. I'm surprised you've let it sit on that table as long as you have. We're gonna come in one day and the table's gonna be in half.

For sure. You definitely shouldn't have that concentrated 50 pounds in the dead center of the table. It's okay. That's how tables work. That's literally, look, there's like an X supporting it underneath the table. That's like the strongest point of the table. All four of these legs distribute the weight evenly.

There's, it, you know, separates the force of gravity. I understand how tables work. I don't think you do, bro. I don't think you actually understand how tables work. I just didn't know it was that nice of a table that had the X underneath. I did some good kettlebell stuff yesterday. I was really getting after it. That's good. Same. What were you hitting?

I do this cool thing sometimes when I get in the mood where I do a one-arm snatch, and then I do a reverse one-leg lunge, and then I bring it down, and I switch to the other hand, snatch, I do 10 on each side, three sets. Damn, you must be, your heart must be pounding afterwards. You get pretty, you get good sweat going there, and I like that a lot. That ain't bad.

Isn't it nice to feel your heart pound, or like, feel the rasp in your throat of like gasping for breath like you were like Running sprints at like like a practice in high school or something like that. That's nice to get that it does. Yeah Sometimes just remembering that you can still push your body beyond a place that you thought possible Makes you feel alive. I gotta get back in Back in the jungle. Why don't you do a Turkish getup with that thing one time? I don't think I could do a Turkish getup with that thing one time? No, I don't think I could do a Turkish getup

with a 55 pound kettlebell. I really don't think I could. You've got to try it, dude. I will, someday. Not today? Not today? I don't know if I remember the steps. I don't think I can do this.

You can, just get on your back first. You better not break the kettlebell. Whoa, on concrete. Guys this podcast is brought to you by Game Time. We love going to live events. We love it more than anything. We got little Sass and Rhone trying to find their way into the Super Bowl and there's no better place to look for Super Bowl tickets than Game Time. Whether it's a concert, a football game, or a comedy show, we always use game time. The official ticketing partner of Barstool Sports and certainly of Son of a Boy Dad.

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BOYDAD for your new customers, for new customers to get $200 in bonus bets instantly when you bet just five bucks. Only at DraftKings Sportsbook, the crown is yours why oh really I like rewrite I reread one of the lines then that. Is that it? Yeah that was it. Pretty much. That was fucking sick. That was super impressive. It looked easy as fuck. That wasn't too bad. That was super impressive. Yeah. Well I don't know if it was impressive as much as just

think it's just easy to do. No that's not easy to do. I bang those out constantly. Nah. Not right now. Doing that with a 20s. Sore. Impressive. From what? I was doing them with 75s last night.

I got another, I got two Rogans. Cause they come in a set. A three pack. Yeah, so I just got you guys, I just gave you guys this one. I got this one. You can get a flight of kettlebells. Russian nesting dolls. Yeah, they all fit in each other.

This is cool. We had these Russian nesting dolls. Yeah, they all fit in each other. This is cool. We had these Russian nesting dolls when I was a kid, and we still have them. And my niece and nephew play with them when they come up to Maine. Whew, that made me a little short of breath, also because I ate two cookies right before the start of the pot.

But these nesting dolls were made in Russia, and they say on the bottom of them property of the Soviet Union that's badass that cool yeah they were made and went dirt before the fall of the wall fall so badass I haven't seen much stuff that says like USSR probably now so that's pretty cool it's kind of sweet I sell those probably sell those. I wonder. Make a quick buck. You think Russia's back? I heard it. I heard it's nice over there. I don't know. I don't think you can. I think we're still not

allowed to go to Russia. I don't think we're going there anytime soon. You could go but it would, you're not supposed to. The lady who gave me the facial said that you can just go to Russia whenever you want. Oh I don't think you can Because I was looking into going to Russia to go fishing. And I looked up, can you go to Russia? I think maybe I looked up, is it safe to go to Russia? And it said no. What do they have over there? Is it the midmouth?

The river? No, the fish? The type of fish. Oh, no, they have massive trout. Oh, big mouth. No, just normal mouth. So midmouth? Mid? Midmouth? No, mouth is only for bass. Small mouth, big mouth. No, just normal mouth. So mid-mouth. Mid?

Mid-mouth? No, mouth is only for bass. Small mouth, large mouth. But trout have mouths. Yeah, but they're not referred to by their mouth. One of them is referred to by its throat, cut throat. Deep throat? Cut throat trout.

Cut throat. You might recognize a cut throat trout from the photo I posted on Instagram. That little one? Big fish. Okay. Cutthroat. Ever since we did our rod reveal, all of my feed on Instagram has been people casting

and catching fish in rivers. Pretty nice, huh? I'm gonna get into it. Yeah, I talked to that guy. Yes, Patrone Rods. Yeah, he told me to just take yours. That'll never happen. He was like, honestly, dude, I really

don't feel like making another one, so just take Francis's. You don't need it. You already have a nine foot five weight. I'll give you mine. We'll do it ourselves. I don't want any of your fucking dog shit rods. You will Fisher Price play things.

No, he said he's going to make me one. He said he's going to make me one. He said it's going to be ready for Montana. Sass's rods have magnets on the end to fish little plastic fishies out of a bucket of water Are your are your boys gonna be jealous when you roll up with the best rod? Definitely, so you're jealous of Francis cuz he rolled up with the best rod No, I'm not jealous of France. You obviously are if they're jealous. That was a trap You just fell right on the rod makes the man good man. Good trap, Roan. Appreciate that.

The rod really doesn't make the man though. I feel like we've been over this. I am going to get myself... It doesn't matter what kind of rod you have if you can't do anything with your rod. Boys, the fish that I'm into is noodling. That's all I like to do. Noodle? I like to just go full arm in the catfish hole. Oh yeah, that's fun. Oh, that's cool. That's the only way I like to just go full arm in the catfish hole. Oh yeah, that's fun. Oh, that's cool.

That's the only way I like to fish. You ever see those videos of those dudes in Africa and they're just covered? You don't see anything and all of a sudden you just see eyes move and then you realize there's just a dude underwater covered in sand and then he just reaches out and grabs the fish. I love that. Surely there's an easier way. I love that. Hey, I'm thinking I'm gonna get

the Ross Evolution LTX. Yeah, I'm not familiar. You're not familiar with Ross reels? No, I am, but I'm not familiar with the Ross LTX. You know, I could also look at some Sage reels. But I wanna go big. I think, no, Ross is way more expensive. So, you know know it's better The Ross evolution what are we talking about on price here that's what the average man wants to know.

For a Ross? For the Ross evolution LTS. And how much was the Coors Banquet? The Coors Banquet is way more than that. Is it because it's collector? Because it's like good. Fuck. Because it's good shit. I want the most expensive one. I have to have that. The Corse Banquet reel right now is going for $5.28. Jesus Christ. That actually ain't bad. That's not bad at all, honestly. Maybe we should get a trio of them.

Should we get a flight of Corse Banquet? Yeah, yeah. That's not a bad idea. Yeah, I would do that. That should be the fantasy football trophy. Corse Banquet reel? Yeah. Hell no. Well, you have to, you're the commissioner. Yeah, that should be the fantasy football trophy The Coors banquet real yeah Hell no Well, you have to you're the commissioner when I won the fantasy football league here for the first year of fantasy football factory

The commissioner aria got me a trophy Really? So that's on you to get the trophy to make the league. I think I think the kettlebells the trophy I think we do no trophy for this year. No, give him the real give him something. You're about to see him I don't have anything to give go to a trophy shop. You're in New York try go to a trophy shop You're in New York. Why are you saying that like there's one on every block? I uber eats a two pound lobster to work in the middle of the day on a Tuesday. You can get a trophy. That's food. I Think go to a trophy shop. We're in New York. Trophy shops nearby. Crown trophy. 0.6 miles from here. There you go. AAP plus awards. Wait, this is literally around the block. Trophy shop,

a five minute walk away. 0.2 miles. They'll engrave it while you wait. I didn't know there was trophy shops just like that in New York. You should get him one of those gigantic taekwondo karate trophies that have like five different tiers. That would be so sick. Give him a huge trophy. You're like, did you invent karate? And the kid's like, no, I came in fourth place in my regional tournament. I'm Jewish actually. I went to Tiger's Shulman. Francis, I'm looking at the Mirage reel right now for you. I went to Tiger Shulman. Francis, I'm looking at the Mirage reel right now for you. How much? That's gonna cost you about 700.

Okay. All right, I can work with that. I can't believe how close a trophy shop is. It's literally on 26th. Yeah, that doesn't really make much sense to me. Between sixth and seventh. Yeah, I'll have to hit the trophy shop. I mean, maybe I have trophies at my,

maybe I'll find something in my apartment You don't have any trophies at your apartment get a trophy. I'm not getting a trophy Oh, why I'll make some sort of trophy. No, that's so fucking janky make the league fun to be part of better than Had than me going and buying like a trophy. It'd be so funny if you couldn't check the trophy. It was so big You had to bring it with you I guess I could ship it to New Orleans Barstool could do it for you yeah okay then have Barstool do it they're not gonna go get it though oh they'll have to go get it that's that's that you said

Barstool is gonna do it Barstool will do it I'll text Dave and I'll say Dave I need someone to get a fantasy football trophy and have it in my in my hotel room upon arrival but no rinky-dink shit either yeah it has to be super tall I need it in I need it in Brandon's hotel room that would be sick if it was waiting for ya yeah you have to get it down there if I asked them to get me a trophy I would get a trophy and it would be like it would be like a pink Whitney bottle with like that was like mounted to a fucking platform Like the pink Whitney trophy Everything's everything's like a deal. Everything is a pink Whitney deal, too. It would be like a stack of pirate waters

Yes, which are great which are good which are good which are good Which we do love Yeah, what's as much as this body armor. Yikes. Which I do love. What did I say something bad? Just, you know, coming after major sponsors. Yeah, should we call WIT right now and tell them what you said?

I don't think I was coming after anybody. Uh, cause we'll tell WIT right now. Knocking major sponsors. Have you ever talked to WIT? First of all, they're not major sponsors. They're barstool products Shit not major sponsors Well, they're not major that's like when we when we were doing like before you were on the podcast our ad reads would be Like the barstool store It would be like well, I don't think the barstool store is paying

son of a boy, dad for ad reads. It would seem like there's actually look more professional. This episode is brought to you by part of my take merch. Like, that's what it would be. That's literally what it would be like. Use code sun to get $20 off. I don20 off on your favorite part of my take crew next. Was even our merch. Oh no.

The funniest was when KB and Nick for anus had a, they had a smartless ad. They were like for advertising another, another comedy podcast on our podcast. You guys sick of this podcast? Boy, do I have a better one for you. You'll be addicted. You will never listen to this one again. That's why we don't even have guests on, bro. We don't even let people think. It's like when someone's doing a Pepsi ad, they'll think any other brand in the ad is a deterrent to Pepsi being in there. If there's Oscar Mayer in the background of the Pepsi ad, even though it's not in the competition, that's like us with other podcasts. We won't even have someone else on, unless you know that they do a podcast.

We'll have Dana Beers on. He doesn't have a podcast. No. Us having Dana Beers on is the equivalent of us reading ads for The Barstool Store. Yeah. Yeah. We like to keep it all in house here. As much as possible. We got to have him back on. We should have another Christmas episode with him. I love Dana. But like now. Yeah, honestly. It helps with the views a lot. After you're back off the wagon, after you celebrate the Super Bowl,

would you do drink some eggnog? With booze in it? No. What? He tried to sneak that by. You said you're gonna drink again if the Eagles win the Super Bowl. If you're like celebrating. You did say that.

You said you break sobriety. Oh, I think I said it would hard to, I think I said it would be hard to not break sobriety. No, you said I'm gonna break, that'll probably make me break sobriety. I think you're just like. If it's like me and Saquon hanging out in a corner together,

yeah, I'm probably gonna have to have a drink. And Saquon says, here, have a sip of this. But also those guys don't really drink like that. Yeah, they won't drink if they win the Super Bowl. Not even a sip of champagne. No, they do, but like I remember when we went out with the Bills, like none of them were drinking. Like that was why it was so funny.

It's mid-season. There was work to be done. That's true. What are we celebrating? It was also like right on the edge of the playoffs. What are we celebrating? It was the last regular on the edge of the playoffs What are we celebrating? It was the last regular season game. Cause you're like 6'6", 320 like. No, I guess it was in November So no, yeah, I guess it was dead midseason

Or maybe they just hold it together like you didn't see them like physically drink. No, I didn't see I don't I think that's Why it was so funny because it was me Shane and LaMare all just blacked out and they were like Shane and LaMare were on like mushrooms. We were all on like Adderall. We were all like fucked up and they were all just like dead sober I think. So I think that's why it was funny. I have a question. Shoot. Do you think you did enough drinking so that you will be able to tell stories of the times you got fucked up for the rest of your life without ever drinking again, if it

comes to that? I think I got a good amount of stories. So you think, like you can say, I got so fucked up this time, like this thing, that for the next 70 years of your life, you'll be able to reference those times and say, I used to really throw it back this one time with the Bills. I mean, the Bills one's pretty, it's a pretty good story. That's your best joke.

I'm not even making a joke. No, I'm serious. I think that's what they're all at me. I'm not making a joke at all. It's like when guys say, you know, that they got married too early and they wish they'd given themselves more time to you know, yeah Sure, they're wild pigs. Yeah No, I think I'm pretty much good. I think that story like I think I could have quit drinking after that and that story carries

But now cuz especially now it's like at the time maybe it didn't but it's like now Okay, so now chains and a list celebrity now. So that helps the story. But you, that's just one story. If you just tell your one story over and over. I can just tell different versions of it. Your kids are gonna- It's a long night. Your kids are gonna-

There's like six stories wrapped into that one story. You can start a lie. Yeah. Yeah, I think if you lie a little bit, it'll help. Doug Flutie was still the quarterback. Yeah. Yeah. It was crazy. Flutie showed up out of nowhere. Flutie! We said hey Flutie want to try the drop kick extra point? We created a field goal with

our arms sure enough. Used a pitcher. Flutie just hit in like the hang down like knockout thing Used a pitcher. Flutie just hit in like the hang down, like knockout thing. The speed bag and like score like a 900. The bills go nuts. Anyway, you could see why I don't drink anymore. How you get a top that night. Yeah, I'm trying to think of who the I think it was like Dawson Knox was like playing the game at David Buster's, where you press the. Where it's like the reflex game, where it's just like it's a bunch of light out. It's a bunch of buttons and they light up and you have to press them

I think they used to warm up formula one drivers really a Version of the version of it. Yeah version it was so it was it was that but it was like it's supposed to be really difficult But his entire body was taking up the entire thing Like his body was over the entire it's supposed to be like you're supposed to be like moving around there was literally the entire, like you're supposed to be like, you're supposed to be like moving around. It was literally just him being like, he was so massive compared to the game. This is a game for children. You guys ever do the one where like the sticks of dynamite drop and you got to like catch them?

No, but I want, I saw the eagles do that. I want to do that. That looks awesome. I saw the birds do it. They did that one? Yeah. I didn't see them do it. Yeah. They posted it on their Instagram a couple weeks ago. They were probably having a blast. They're always doing fun shit over there.

They were. They're trying to copy the bills. I bet you'd be sick at it. I think so too. I think I would be really good at it. I've always been... Every time I walk under a building in New York, I always check for a high floor to see if it's on fire and there's a child that's being... That someone's hoping to drop off to me. So you could catch the child. Yeah. And I would do it. No problem. Would you go to the ground and kind of let the weight take you to the ground? Or would you just try to bare hand it as it goes past?

Oh, stick it? Stick the kid? One-handed stick in the kid. Just pure head. If you catch it across a kid out in the air like that, that'd be so nice. But I think you've got to get under it, catch it to the ground. You got to really, yeah, you have to. And kids are gangly. I mean, they don't fall well. They don't fall well.

Not American kids, anyway. I asked this on- Because they're always holding on to the last second. I think I asked this on an old episode. Yes. Swinging towards the windows. Yeah, they bounce off a leg Yeah, yeah, you don't actually want to be flushed to the wall now and there's something about physics where that's true, too

People fall on an arc. Yeah, of course But I asked this on an old episode of oops the podcast and my question I'll frame it here is how many stories of here is how many stories of do you think you could catch a full-grown woman? Like if your girlfriend or wife or whatever were falling out of a burning building or ready to jump, how many stories up could she be where you would be able to catch her? One? What do you think the answer is? Catch her clean, no part of her touches the ground. Not even one.

One story, that's not bad. How much does this person weigh? I don't know, average woman, 140? So 140 pounds is coming at you from like 20 feet high. You would tell her jump as if you are trying to land as flat on your back as possible. Dude, my arms are getting, are going through the ground with her.

They're going, my arms are getting ripped clean out of the sockets. How do you think you'd try to catch her? Like a bundle? I don't know. Are you just, you're just going like that, right? I'm just so curious to know your genuine answer. Cause I feel like you're about to drop like eight.

No, I think it's a typical story is what, 10 feet or something like that. So I guess I think 30 feet, three stories is about as high as before. You think you could catch 150 pounds, 140 pounds from 30 feet in the air. I'm definitely not dating 150 pounds, 140 pounds from 30 feet in the air. I'm definitely not dating 150 pound woman. 130 pounds from the third floor.

From, yeah, we're on the third floor. Yeah, I think that's the height where like, if she were on the, if she were on, well, I know, that's why we're like on the fourth floor, I'm stepping aside. Dude, the third floor, your arms are snapped, like it's gonna be just broad. I know, but I she deserves for me to try. I'll probably get hurt. It has to be multiple people that

will bond us together. I think on the bright side, neither of you would die. Right. You know, there's videos of these scenarios. You break the fall, you would break the fall, you would 100% fall. She would 100% hit the ground. I know that I would fall. You would both break multiple bones. I think you're just protecting her head and spine

as best as you can. But I thought your original question was without her touching the ground. Yeah, I think I could catch a 140 pound woman clean from three stories. I think so. You wanna try? I would like to try.

How could we do that? We could get 140 pounds worth of something. No, no, we gotta ask who's 140 pounds. Because we're not throwing someone off a building. It's the body dynamics though. Yeah, but Ron, that is a good point. I am not gonna feel the same way about a 140 pound blow up doll laden with weight.

Yeah, that's true. That the adrenaline. That I am about a woman I care up doll laden with weight. Yeah, that's true. That the adrenaline. I am about a woman I care about. That is true. And if I do catch her, my first conversation is, you need to lose 10 pounds. Yeah. Let's get you on the catcher giver jab of Ozempic

as she's coming down. Yeah, just like as she's recovering. No, that's nothing. It's like a kid you're trying to distract after a shot. It was the ground. No, the ground. You hit the ground hard. Oh, is that a nothing. It's like a kid you're trying to distract after a shot. It was the ground. No, the ground. You just hit the ground hard. Was that a bee?

When you're a beehive? I think I had bees in my pocket. Most of escaped. Yeah. I mean, dude, I honestly think, I think one story max for anybody I tried to jump without without touching the ground without touching the without her touching the ground one story man I tried to jump off the second story. I think I broke my foot

You jumped off the second story. Yeah, or like was hopping down I climbed up to get like a frisbee from someone's porch and I was climbing down and the porch broke and I like fell down And holy shit broke my I think I broke my foot fucked up my ankle bad when did this happen this morning no you're saying it like it happened like today no this was like when I was like like dude I jumped off second store I think I broke my foot like what do you that you didn't know the actual medical result made it sound very present. Yeah, I fucked my foot, probably my ankle. Yeah, I'll be able to survive. I'm gonna get it looked at soon. I should be good, they said just walk it off.

How far do you think my balcony is? Would you even call that one story? Of your apartment? Yeah. Dude, I could catch a I could catch coach dugs off your back. Okay. Well how high up do you think that is? That's probably bar stool beef. Yeah, that's no that's not even close to 10 feet because I can know it's not it's so and it's so low. Yeah, that's probably what seven feet you live almost at street

level I could peeping Tom you by jumping you live at Shaxe height Yeah, it's probably seven feet Three feet higher you live at a bunk bed You're in a top bunk essentially Because you're your first floor goes down. You're on the second floor. So you're not even like oh, it's like halfway up You're in a bird. Yeah third story of your building, I would have no problem catching a woman who cared about how she looked. Third story.

Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. I think you could, Sas. Don't give yourself, like, don't rip credit away from yourself. You have, there's an athlete under there. When we were in Wyoming, we had a, there was a. was a fourth story. It's like okay Pilates four days a week You better be trying

We're Embrace your core. Yeah when we were in Wyoming We went on a there was one day where we decided to stray from the path and we went and we drove Ten miles down this like dirt road going like one mile per hour because it was on the side of a cliff and it wasn't really it wasn't like a real road and we we hiked down a mountain with no path and then at the bottom right before we got to the river there was like a probably like a 10 foot drop. And. Matt jumped and landed fine.

And then me and Bo needed to be hoisted down. Damn, because I mean, I was looking at that. It was like I felt like I was a little kid. You're like being like a little kid and you're looking at something you're supposed to like everyone else jumped off of it. And you're looking down here you're like, dude, if I jump off that, my legs are gonna snap in half. It's like you were helped onto a boat. Yeah, yeah.

But it's like, you know, well, you know deep down, like you know what you're capable of. But that's where the whole parkour thing comes in, where you're not supposed to just jump straight onto your legs, you're supposed to jump out and roll. But there was nowhere to roll. So how did Matt do it? He's just really athletic yeah that's

why I'm probably closest to him yeah I think that you would jump and do that like awkward fall where you land on your feet and fall to your knees right away yeah yeah like you're being double jumped but it was like like the landing was at a slant so I just saw I'm looking down at it and I'm seeing I'm also lying completely Bo didn't have to get hoisted down I just saw, I'm looking down at it and I'm seeing, I'm also lying completely. Bo didn't have to get hoisted down. I just said that to make myself feel better. I was the only one that got hoisted down. I was about to say, there's no way.

No way Bo. And I was gonna say, I was gonna say at least Bo got hoisted down too. I was the only one that got hoisted down. I was looking at it and I was like. And they caught you. Bo jumped. They caught you.

They caught me, yeah. So there you go. They caught me. You're a 140 pound woman. You have to build them. They caught you by the caught me. So there you go. They caught me. You're a 140 pound woman. You have the build up. They caught you by the what? It was a really embarrassing moment in my life. How did they catch you?

Did they catch you clean? It was not clean. That was the worst part. It was a lot of like flailing. Did you touch the ground? I didn't touch the ground, no, because they lifted me and carried me and dropped me down. Wait, they lifted you from up there?

What? Like it was like I went like this, like put my hands here and let my legs hang Oh and then they grabbed your legs This I wish I had been there for this so fucking badly I would have loved to have just had you just like shimmy you down your body. Okay, I got him. No, you got him. You got him. We're just pick up get him under his armpits.

His legs are swinging, but I've always I've like I know realistically, I probably could have jumped and been completely fine. But you were scared. I was. Yeah, I was scared. And and I don't know why I've had that. I've always had that feeling in me like when I'm like when I remember being like a child and like seeing people like jump off things, then I go to jump and I look and I'm like, dude, I'm going to break my ankle. You go on these wilderness,

I'm gonna break my ankle. You go on these wilderness fucking rugged fishing trips with these two mountain men, all-American boys. And you have to be helped down off the ledge that they're just jumping off of no thought about. That's right. It's one of the funniest images I've ever put in my head. Ever in my life. And I really don't give superlatives like that willy nilly. I, I, I, I'm going to need you, I'm going to need you to be silent here because you would have won a hundred percent. I definitely would have, but the difference is I don't go out on adventures. Like I know my place. I, there's no way I'm jumping down. I'm not

just as unathletic as I hundred percent. Francis, you wouldn't have been hoisted down. You would have jumped. You would have jumped He would have easily jumped but I don't go into places where I Foresee the hoist and I'm like, I can't I can't make my boys hoist me Okay, yeah, he avoids always I avoid the whole avoid the hoist. I know that I'm not gonna put let's also keep your eye Matt it was like a d1 athlete and where do you play the cross and bow is? He was like a D1 athlete and... Where did he play?

...Bros, and Bo is in the process of training to be a Navy SEAL. So, really quick though, I just want to make sure we're on the right thing here, because a hoist to me is a lift. It was a lift. This is a lower. It was a lower. It's a dehoist. Yeah.

I'm wondering what the word would be for that. It's not a foist, right? Is it a hoist or a foist? I will say though, Bo was very hesitant. It did take him a while to do it. So, Matt went first? Matt went first, zero problem. I'm picturing him kicking his feet up and like, It was really annoying.

Is there any world where we can't find this spot again? Could we? In a million years now? Yeah, okay. I could find it maybe on my map. No, I'd wanna go. Oh no, in a million years we would never find it. I'm definitely-

Like we could. Yeah. But that's never happened. You know what we should do is we should go to your apartment and hoist you down from the fire escape. Yeah. Did I ever tell you about when I was locked out of my apartment and, and when I was like asking one of my neighbors, I was like, do you think, and they were like, you live right there. And I was like, yeah, like,

do you have you tried just going up the fire escape? And I'd be like, dude, that would be like a scene. Like on my street, if all of a sudden I'm lowering down the ladder and I'm just climbing up the side of the building. You'll be like, what are you doing? You could just tell people, hey, I live here. I locked myself out. Door was locked anyway. The window was locked, I mean. You lock your window? It's always locked.

Good to know. Have you ever opened that window? Yeah, I opened it occasionally in the summer. But to close it, you have to lock it. It's just a latch. I saw you out there having cigars and IPA's with Josh DM Josh DM. Yeah, how Josh DM I forgot about Josh DM. Who's Josh DM? He always used to have before your time Cigars and IPA's on his fires and IPA's. Yeah, you would like to have cigars and IPA's on our fire escape as well That's what I mean. That was his vibe Who's Josh DM? He used to work here. He's an Ethiopian bro.

Was he the guy that said you weren't good at battle rapping? No, no, that's Josh Prey. No, that was Josh Prey. Different Josh's. Both Joshing though. Nothing but respect for both of them. Those are my brothers. Anytime you come through here, that's what the people don't understand. Once you've been through these halls

That's a kinship that cannot be fucking broken. I'd go to war for Josh Do you know and Josh pray and Josh pray I would link arms with them and go into one of those Green Street hooligan style battles. I can't get the image of you on your hands with them lowering your legs like this where you were on the edge and and you shimmy to the edge and you just like, this and legs go down? Yeah, it was exactly that. The last woman getting onto the lifeboat off the Titanic. It was exactly like that,

and then like a last second, like go back up. You're like, no, I can't do it and go back up. Yeah, but you did commit. Oh, I committed, I did it, and then the place that we ate when there was no fish. That, it was a really really it was a frustrating day. Those happen. They insisted that we go off the path and then we get down and they're like, we're like, they're like, dude, there's water down here. Like, who knows? It might be like the sickest fishing we've ever seen because it's completely like unknown territory. Yeah. And then we get down there and there is a river. So we're like, oh shit, this could be sick. And then we get down in the rivers like one inch deep.

Yeah. I mean, it's what they, it's what Bruce Wayne's dad said to him in Batman begins. It's not how we get hoisted down. It's how we hoist it up, hoist ourselves back up. We did fly back up the mountain. That was probably the most in shape I've been in recent memory. Nice. Was that, that was right around that video. The chin, chin video. That's when you just said was the best,

most in shape you've ever been. No, I said that was the most shape I've been in recent memory. The best shape I've ever been was for that video. How far back does your recent memory go? What is that time period? Like a year. That's one year?

Like that was the best, okay, sorry, that was the best shape I've been in the last year. No, I'm not asking you to change that. I'm just curious. Everyone's recent memory is different. For me, recent memory is probably like five years. Since you've been rehired? Oh no, that's more than five years. Yeah, probably since COVID.

I think COVID is like a demarcating line in time for me. See, I don't really- Or maybe post-COVID. Yeah, I don't know. COVID. I think COVID is like a demarcating line in time for me. See, I don't really... Or maybe post-COVID. Yeah, I don't know. His recent memory. Well, the best shape I've ever been in was COVID. Right in the beginning of COVID. Right. Because you weren't old enough to drink.

No, because I was training for a half marathon. Did you do it? No, because it got canceled because of COVID. Should have just ran it in the streets. Got up to eight miles though. With Tony Fauci. That's impressive. I've never run that far. It sucked ass.

That hurts. And I got to the end. I did like a, I was running on the beach, not the beach, the road of the beach in Massachusetts. Oh, I see. Because I was home because of COVID and, um, and I like mapped it out, the run. And then I guess I ended up being like a mile off. So I got back to the car and I still had a mile to go. And I just had to run around the parking lot for a mile,

just back and forth. And I was like, this sucks so much. That's so good. Where's the most fun place to run? I like like on a trail. Trail's great. Trail's nice, yeah. I don't know. I like around a bay, if there's a great run? I like like on a trail. Trail's great, trail's nice, yeah. I don't know. I like around a bay, if there's a loop.

There's a great run in Portland, Maine, the Casco Bay loop. There's a parking lot, then you get on there. And it's so easy to get halfway that you're never gonna turn back. So you have to finish, which is, it's like, it's three and a half miles, I think. So it's the perfect distance to, you know, you run one 1.75 miles is not hard.

And then you're like, now it's closer to go all the way than it is to quit on myself, which I like. Yeah, I always liked running by the water. And if I run now, I go run by the water, but the problem is the wind. Dude, we used to have to run that bay in pre-season lacrosse in full lacrosse gear. Oh yeah.

And there'd be like half marathon people. Oh, I thought you meant Portland, Oregon, brother. Portland, Maine. Oh, I thought he meant Portland, Maine because he said Portland, Maine. I'm not going to Portland, Oregon, brother. Portland, Maine. Oh. I thought he meant Portland, Maine because he said Portland, Maine. I'm not going to Portland, Oregon unless New York burns down and I need to go see family. Yeah.

They're vacuuming. You guys are getting smoked in the comments. With what? From the argument last episode. Really? Yeah. What are they saying? They were saying that I've never been more right

about something. No. Yeah, they were like, I live in California., I've never been more right about something. No. Yeah. They were like, I live in California. My whole family lives in California. Wow. Everyone I know. Everyone I know's family lives in California. I think the census has spoken. The census has spoken.

All those Reddit threads. Really? Yeah. Not even in the Son of a Boy, like in like R slash California. They were talking about it. R slash survival. Yeah. Yeah. You guys really think that Tesla

his full charge would go down? Someone suggested a book about EMPs. Yeah, I have a book about EMPs. It's called The Blackout. We need some MREs. Fuck it EMP. I know, I keep forgetting to bring in my MREs. I was literally showing them off to the fellas

last night What face time really? Yeah? Damn, why'd you get MREs? I have them for camping But we wanted to try one and I said I would bring in my jet boil and we could make one Well, have you had one? No, they sound fucking amazing. I think the ones that I have are good I need to try one. Bring to New Orleans. I got like pad thai. Speaking of MREs, I am getting sent a ton of mini bar snacks. Nice.

The one hotel wanted to right the wrong of the $116 mini bar bill I racked up by sending me free versions of those snacks. I was like, that's not what I want. I don't want more mini bar. Yeah. I don't want more chocolate covered pistachios. Like weird snacks.

I don't need to keep committing this mistake for free. That's not what I'm trying to learn from this. And it makes you special when you're at the one hotel. It's like getting a Biscoff cookie while you're not on a plane. Exactly. I'm going to limit the stroopwafels to your flights. Exactamundo. Some weird like off-brand Swedish fish.

Dude, really quick? That comes in a glass jar for some reason. Sometimes those are good though. I flew to Denver and then took a very small plane to Telluride, which is one of the most dangerous airports in the country. Yeah, we talked about that. And we flew. Wait, what was the airline?

It's like. Green. Denver Connect or Sunair. Sunair, yeah, yeah, yeah. Something like that. Something like that, yeah. And, but on that plane, first of all, maybe 20 seats.

Yeah. General admission. Yeah. And not, not in a Southwest Airlines kind of way. Like everyone, all the seats are exactly the same. Yeah. And, uh, they brought out a basket of, of treats and it was all candy and it was all king-size candy.

Ooh. God damn. I'm talking a Reese's package that was four cups. So they know you guys are fried. Like movie theater Sour Patch kids. They're like, we're as high as you guys right now. Peanut M&Ms, yeah. I mean, it was unbelievable. That's pretty sick.

On a 45 minute flight. That's pretty sick. It was so cool. That sounds amazing. Was it one of them where you're like, take two? No, I felt like- Take two would be green. Given the size was, yeah, was- Does that not annoy you guys when you're on Delta and they're like, take as many as you want?

And it's like, maybe just get bigger portions so I don't have to take nine packs of Sun chips. I don't take nine packs of Sun Chips. I don't take nine packs of Sun Chips. I take one or two different things. Yeah. What's your grab? What do you grab when they come around? I take the Sun Chips and I take the chocolate squares. With Michael and Augustine?

The pink package. Yeah, I know what you're talking about. Those are pretty good. You know they have different snacks in first class versus coach on Delta. Oh yeah, obviously. The snacks in first class are, you get, it's pistachios. Brother, I'm not talking about coach.

Right. So then my question would be- The honey pretzels, the gummy bears. They sent me my flights for New Orleans and they were like, do any of these work? And I didn't reply. I was like, I'll handle this. You guys don't gotta worry about it.

Do, this one's on me, all right. Are you actually paying for it? I'm not sitting 48 F bro. F is at least window. Every time I fly for barstool, it's you guys in first class and it's me, like against the bathroom in the back of the plane. That's not true. Well, what do you mean it's not true? It's all, dude, if you had better status, then you would be, you'd be up with us. This was before, I think this was before you were on the podcast, Francis. Me and, me and Rhone and Tommy went to LA to do, uh, to do neighborhood eats.

And we took a red eye home and we landed when we, me and Tommy were in the last row of the plane. Yeah. We landed, I texted Rhone and Tommy were in the last row of the plane. Yeah. We landed, I texted Ron and I was like, are you still, are you still here? And he goes, I'm home. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

He was back in Brooklyn and we were, we were still de-boarding. We were still on the plane. Oh, I love it. And I was like wide awake too, because I'd laid down the entire time. That was such a brutal flight. Yeah, I love it. And I was like wide awake too, because I'd laid down the entire time. That was such a brutal flight. Yeah, that's tough.

That's a rough red eye, but I was like fine taking it because I was like, well, I'm gonna sleep the whole time. That was back when I was still super scared of flying. Yeah. And I remember we went to the- I remember you crushing an Ativan and snorting it on the top of a urinal. No, that was pre-Ativan.

Baby changing table. That was, I remember we went to that bar right before the flight and I chugged three Bloody Marys. And then I got a Miller Lite when we got on the plane. And then I passed out. Did I tell you that I threw up in the bathroom on the way to Denver? Yeah.

Or when I got to Denver, I threw up. Yeah, what happened? I think it was when I got to... Maybe it was in Chicago. Well, I used it, I used the, they had a gender neutral bathroom. On the plane? No, in Chicago, I'm pretty sure they called the single bathroom that sits between the men's and the women's, which is usually the family bathroom.

On a plane? No, no, in the airport. Oh, oh, I was like, what plane are you flying? Are you flying like Dubai Air? You know, the upstairs? Yeah, yeah. Emirates. They had, they have the women's on the right and the men's on the left.

And then in the middle, there's like a individual, but very spacious, always very clean, by the way, family bathroom. Yeah. In Chicago, I think. It's gender neutral. They called it the gender neutral bathroom. Is everyone in Chicago's gay?

Sure. And I went in Chicago is gay. Sure. And I went in there, locked the door. Except for our brothers at Barstool, of course. Threw up. Why did you throw up? Because we had gone to a pretty heavy dinner the night before at the Monteverde dinner. You threw up after that? Yeah, the next day, the next morning.

I felt sick on the way back from that too. I think it was all the red meat. We ate a lot of like wagyu skewers. That was really heavy. Don't make faces, bro. We're going to have nice dinners in New Orleans. You guys sound like girls. I had never, I was so shocked.

You ate a meal and then you threw up after? What? I didn't throw up. I thought you were going to say like, oh, I was super motion. I got super sick on the plane. Never happens to me. You're saying we were like, I had a steak the night before. You had to be helped down a five foot cliff, like a damsel.

Dude, you ate a steak and projectile vomited in the queer bathroom. I did not projectile. I also did that thing where I knew it was going to be loud, so I turned on the tap and it did so little. Yeah, yeah. It's like... Keeps turning off. You got to hop over your hand under it. It's like firing a bazooka over so little. Yeah. It's like. It keeps turning off. You got to hop over a hand under it. It's like firing a bazooka over a stream. Yeah.

It's just nothing. I got car sick on the way home from the airport then that day and I've never gotten car sick and my body like was thrown into a panic. Like I didn't really didn't have any idea what was happening. Yeah. Getting car sick is such a bad feeling. I thought I was dying. I was like. So bad. My body just like was jolted.

I was like, oh, this is car sickness. Two worst throw ups ever, car sick and nicotine. Nicotine is bad. Combine them. First time I ever dipped was in the back of a car on the way to Dartmouth. Yeah. We were driving there for some bullshit party

or something like that. Bullshit ass Dartmouth party. And that drive, Dartmouth is in the middle of fucking nowhere. Yeah. I feel like that's like a lot of those big schools. Like isn't. Hanover, New Hampshire.

Yukon's in the middle of nowhere. I know Yukon is, but isn't a fucking Cornell in the middle of nowhere. Yeah. Like super hard to get to. Yeah, it's really far. Penn State, of course. Penn. Like super hard to get to. Yeah, it's really far. Penn State, of course. Penn State, we are.

We are. Well, we'll see. You're backing out? Well, no, it depends on if my sister goes there or not. Is she backing out? She hasn't decided. I thought she was leaning towards Penn State. She's leaning towards Penn State.

What do we gotta say? What do we gotta do? NIO. Well, Ohio State winning the championship didn't help. Penn State just got Ohio State's D coordinator. But she was in between Ohio State and Penn State. She cares about that? No.

Okay. I do. Well then as just pure partying, Penn State smokes Ohio State. She's not, I don't think she's like a huge party person. She will be. She just wants to go to a big school. She will be. Not yet. Well NIO, we could throw whatever kind to a big school. She will be. Not yet.

Well, NIL, we could throw whatever kind of money, like whatever she's looking for. Yeah. Yeah, I'll see. We'll give her the Chidor deal. She's only a junior though, so. She's gonna be at the party with like her Timex watch. She's supposed to do her like SATs.

I can help her with that. Yeah. This is getting creepy. I don't like it. Should send you down to help my little sister with SATs so that she can go to Penn State. Hey, you're good. Is Penn State hard to get into?

Yes, out of state it is. I think it's like a 50% acceptance rate. Out of state isn't it? 50-50. Yeah, 50-50. Yes or no? That would be the best school I got into. I got deferred from DePaul. It's like a 90% acceptance rate

They didn't know you're a prodigy It's so weird you are smart I just was so bad in school I know and I've met people like that. That's just one of those things where I'm like, you made a choice. You were making a choice in high school not to care. No, his brain is rotten to the core. What are you talking about? I don't know if I made a choice as much as... Because the thing is, I actually did try. It was freshman year, I failed two classes, like F. Where you weren't trying though.

I wasn't trying, but then after that, I didn't get anything lower than a B. But my GPA just like wouldn't go up. I realize that I'm sounding privileged and cunty here. So just help me for this. When you were in those classes, right? Over the course of a year and your teacher would say, this is the homework assignment and you would not do it.

And you'd show up the next day and she would say, where is it? I mean, were there not moments along the way where you got detentions or calls home to your parents or moments where you were like, this sucks. I don't want to have to stay after school and do extra study halls and have my parents be mad at me and all this and take away my PlayStation, whatever. Were there no moments of trying to correct it? How did you get away for an entire year with failing those classes?

No, it was brutal. I mean, it was like, dude, I would be like walking in between classes and then I would just see my parents in the school. And I would be like, fuck. You doing here? I would be like, no. You didn't even know they were coming in?

Yeah. And it wasn't parent-teacher conference? And then my dad would be like, we'll talk when you get home. And I'd be like, fuck. Were you going viral at this time? No. Did you think you were getting nothing going? Did you think you were getting away with it? No, dude, it was genuinely like it would be like, like, yeah,

there was definitely like tests and shit that I didn't study for. And I knew I didn't pay attention in class. So I knew I was gonna fail them. But like a lot of like there was definitely like tests and shit that I didn't study for. And I knew I didn't pay attention in class, so I knew I was going to fail them. But like a lot of, like there was a lot of times where it would be like, uh, like my mom would be like, did you do your homework? And I'd be like, yeah, I did it. And I did. And then I'd get to class and they'd be like, well, there was two assignments. And I'd be like, I didn't know. I forgot about the other one. Okay. So it was an organizational issue. Yeah.

There was, there was that, there was definitely a problem. It was also, yeah, I just was lazy and didn't want to do schoolwork. And I also just couldn't pay attention in class. I guess I get it. Yeah. When did you go on medicine? Well, I stopped medicine in 10th grade, I think. So you were already on medicine. The medicine was making you lazy.

I was on Adderall from fifth grade to... This is on Adderall? 10th grade. You weren't doing your homework on Adderall? He grade to... This is on Adderall? Tenth grade. You weren't doing your homework on Adderall? He got numb to it. He beat it. You beat Adderall like Dana beat Ozepik? No, my grades went up a lot when I was on Adderall. Just because, like, just from simply just being able to pay attention in class,

and like then now you're doing better on tests and quizzes even if you don't study. But, um... and now you're doing better on tests and quizzes, even if you don't study. But yeah, I don't remember when I, I feel like I stopped taking it in 10th grade, because I definitely took it in ninth grade. What were the classes that you failed freshman year? I have no clue. Was it math and science, or was it like health and- It was health.

I failed health. Yeah. because I've told you, I think I've told the story about why I failed health. Because you were so unhealthy. No, because I was staying after for Spanish class because I was failing Spanish as well. I see. And I think those were the two that I failed. I think I failed Spanish in health. That makes sense to me. I'm happy to hear that it was those two

as opposed to math and English or something. No, I failed health because I was staying after for Spanish and we had to do like the egg baby, where you take an egg. And you hoist it down a mountain. You know, you take an egg and you poke a hole in both sides and you blow out all the yokes. You just have the egg shell and then you have to like put it in like a basket and you have to carry it around like it's a baby. And I was in, I was staying after for Spanish. Also, I had a Tupperware

so I realized about halfway through that I could just put the lid on it and just throw it in my backpack and then I'd always have it. But like when were in class you had to like take it out because teachers would like tell on you and What was the point of this? Because most of the kids in his like high school were gonna have children while they were in high school No, you guys never had to do that like with like the flower baby or some shit I think we did I vaguely remember that I still don't know what the point of it is But I think it's pretty common. I remember the flower thing. Responsibility, maybe? Yeah, I think it's a responsibility thing. But I was staying after for Spanish to like retake a

quiz or something. And then I was leaving. And as I'm leaving, I like packed up all my shit. And I walked out and then I and then I got like maybe five feet away from the door. And I was like, Oh, shit, I forgot my egg. And I and I and I went to oh shit I forgot my egg and I and I and I went to go back in and I look and I see it on the desk and I see the teacher sitting at her desk and she wouldn't let me in she was like you lost your baby. Necesita uno huevo? Yeah she was like you would never leave your baby in a in a classroom like that. Well it's not my fucking baby it's an egg. It's an egg. You said that to her. I was like yeah it's an egg. It's an egg. And I'm 12. You said that to her.

You said that to her. I was like, yeah, it's an egg and I forgot about the egg. If it was a baby, I probably wouldn't have forgotten the baby. But it's a hollow eggshell. And then I failed. Because that was like, if you did that, it was an instant F in the class. So I failed. In the whole class,

for a high school year. That was like, that was like, cause it was like a fake class. It's like one of those classes where you only have to take it for like one semester. And there's only one assignment. There's only one thing upon which they're grading you. Well, we had other assignments,

but I think that one counted for like 45% of our grade. So it was like the easiest class possible to pass. Yeah. All of this squares for me. However, the only thing that I would ask is, were you not good enough at bullshitting to get yourself out of those things? He's no nonsense, he's not a bullshitter.

He's a realist. Dude, you could bullshit a health teacher like it was nothing. No, this health teacher was like known to be a real piece of work. Fair enough. Yeah. I mean, you know. And the Spanish teacher was like known to be a real piece of work. Fair enough. Yeah. I mean, you know, the Spanish teacher was worse. Okay. Fair enough. Well, like their name, my rivals, I don't remember either. Their name. I hated them,

but like, dude, it is weird cause like I got decent SAT scores. I didn't do great. I know you're smart. I, that's how I started. My GPA was just so bad. Yeah. I mean, if know you're smart. That's how I started. But my GPA was just so bad. Yeah, I mean, if you fail some classes, that's going to be tough. Fail is a zero. On your GPA? On your GPA, it's a zero. So you fail once, that zero is still bringing you down.

Like it was impossible to recover from. Yeah. That's why DePaul didn't want you. That's why DePaul didn't want me. But I had to use it as like, I had to use it to my advantage and be like, this is proof that I've grown. Yeah. Like my my didn't want you. So I DePaul didn't want me. But I had to use it as like I had to use it to my advantage and be like, this is proof that I've grown. Yeah, yeah. Right. Look how much every year I got. Yeah. I was an abomination as a youth. Yeah. And then in college, I had all

A's. Did you? Yeah. And then I failed out. Why would you have all A's? I had all A's for the whole year. I probably had all A's and I probably had a couple B's, but it was like I had really good grades. All A's and some B's is basically all A's. I think I had like one B. With a fail. I think I had like one B.

All A's, B's and a fail. No, it was, and then I had a Zoom meeting with Gaz and then I just stopped because it was during COVID end of the year. I just stopped going to class. Yeah. It's par for the course. Yeah. You phone it in, they don't give a fuck.

It's, I'm lucky. I know I'm lucky. I grew up in a family and a school where they wouldn't let me not do that stuff. No, I don't think you're understanding. Like I'm lucky, I was lucky too. I was just a piece of shit. My sister went to Northwestern. I'm not saying anything about your too. I was just a piece of shit. My sister went to Northwestern.

I'm not saying anything about your intelligence. I know how smart you are. No, I'm saying like my family was furious with me. Right. Like it wasn't like I was like, I was just like fucking off. I would get screamed at every day after school. I don't mean this for you.

I'm saying that I know I sound tone deaf sometimes when I'm like, I don't know how any student could ever fail high school or whatever. Like, I know that it's... there's different systems of oversight. Sounds like you were just, you know, huffing paint thinner and... No, I think you're right. I think you're right. Like, I was, like, retarded. Like, it was like, there was no reason

that I should have been getting those grades. He went to the same... you went to the same types of schools. I get how you got them. I. And now I know how it happened, but for me, the hard part was understanding how it got that far. Because if I were getting a C in something, it would have been like, okay, we need to write this and we're going to stand over your shoulder until you fucking figure it out That's what it was for me and try yeah and apply yourself. That's what it was for me But I still was fucking up

You couldn't how are you fucking up with someone standing over your shoulder? It's like my dad would be like we're doing your math homework, and I'd be like alright Let's do it and then I get into class and they'd be like, that's the wrong side. That was last week's homework. Okay, all right. So you were really bringing home the wrong. I was just, dude, I just wasn't paying attention and I would just fuck up that way. If you don't pay attention ever,

you're gonna fuck up. Did you have a laptop in those classes? Did you have a laptop? We had laptops in, I don't remember when we got them. What was distracting you from class? What were you doing instead? Taking up tweets. Were you daydreaming? Tweeting, daydreaming.

You were on your phone? No, we weren't allowed to use our phones. I would play Tetris a lot. Yeah. Yeah, see, I didn't do that. When Fortnite got big, it was a problem senior year. But that was at home. No, it was everyone was just watching Ninja play Fortnite on their laptops. Yeah, see that, so then there you go. This to me is a generational thing.

I didn't have those types of distractions. Yeah. You would have loved Ninja, bro. I bet. You would have loved Ninja. Ninja at his peak. Like Ninja was streaming with Drake during school and everyone was just watching that. Yeah. I didn't have... We didn't have an iPhone until my senior year of college and nobody got him. Or excuse me, high school, and nobody got him then.

Yeah. I didn't have a phone until high school. So in that regard, I would say I was lucky that the distractions were not as distracting. Yeah. Nah, you weren't getting bogged down in Ninja. You wouldn't have. I just know you wouldn't have. But also, I just hated school. I just hated school.

So, that was pretty much it. But I will say this. That was why dropping out was such an easy decision, because I was like, yeah, I fucking can't stand. I can't even imagine another three years of this shit. I didn't like high school. I liked college. I hated it.

Even like the shit that I was interested in. But I liked partying high school. I liked college. I hated it. But I didn't like the shit that I was interested in. But I liked partying in college. I liked playing beer pong. Yeah, but that's not college. That's what college was for me because we didn't really get to do that that much in high school. Yeah, we didn't either. But we didn't... Like I moved to New York. I could still play beer pong.

Yeah, that's the difference. With my friends that are 15 years older than me. There was no option, there was no chance that I was gonna have like a salary and a job until after college. Well, yeah, that's why I wouldn't have dropped out if I didn't have a salary and a job. I know, that's where everything's different, yeah.

What if I ended up being more successful if I stayed in college? So I was in college to be a screenwriting major. What if I wrote like Dune II? Like what if that's where I ended up instead? You would have easily, because you would have been instilling discipline in yourself instead of lack of discipline.

And see you up there with your Oscar. Yeah. And this is to my health teacher who failed me for leaving my egg. I showed you. Yeah. That'd be so sick. I think you still have it in you though I think you try it just jump on dune three or four yeah can't be that hard

What it like those movies suck anyway? Yeah, they're fucking Yes, a bunch of like names and like procedurals yeah for the I mean the first hour the first one Which I've tried to watch twice and couldn't get through they're adapted from books I really watched them. It's really not that hard. You're just translating it Translate a book dude, but I will say that it if your dad was over your shoulder as you're doing your homework And you're still failing That's on him a little bit. I'm telling you but I didn't say I didn't fail after freshman year And then if your sister got into Northwestern,

to me it means that either they didn't care as much about you or learned their lesson from you to then apply it to your sisters. I don't think anyone... Like, my sister had no... There was never any problems with her. She always had straight As. And then my younger sisters all have good grades. It's boys. Boys, boys will be boys.

I have heard that there's a gap in the boys and girls in school. Yeah, definitely. Oh, 100%. They should be great in boys on the curve. Yeah, they should. And 89 for a boy should be like a 95. Oh yeah.

I don't remember any girls in my high school having to tuck their boners into their waistbands. No. Barely run off to the bathroom because they can't even think. No. Jewelin' in the bathroom? Jewelin' in the bathroom.

Yeah. Jewelin' is probably killin' the boners. It can't be helpin' boners. Jewel? I'm so glad we got to learn a little bit about you. That's interesting. Yeah, this has been a great episode. Appreciate that.

Thank you for sharing that. I think I've talked about it before. This is a deep dive. No one was listening. Yeah. That was paying attention. We didn't care yet. You weren't successful enough yet.

I don't think I'm successful enough yet, still. Yeah, you are. You're the guy from that Bill story. To be like, yeah, I failed out of college I could we'll see I could have written b movie, too. I would think there's a lot more Successful people in stand-up who have your story than have my story But my story's not like I think you're giving my story too much credit I just fucked off freshman year of high school when I was like 12 story too much credit. I just fucked off freshman year of high school when I was like 12 and then was unable to recover from it. I like to know your story.

It wasn't like I was pulling myself out of the mud. Kind of though. My parents cared. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm not talking Louis, you know, Nate Bargatze. Like all these people have told stories on stage. Oh yeah, I guess that makes sense. Yeah. Colin Jost though. There are a few. Did you see his chains that he was wearing? Conan. Conan. Yep. Wow. BJ Novak. Nov Harvard. Yeah, who else twain? What's the the Woman from the office

Mindy Mindy Kaling she went to Dartmouth Talking about Harvard? I thought you were talking about Harvard. I appreciate you just absolutely dismissing Dartmouth as being in the same league as Harvard. Yeah. Trump went to UPenn. Did he really? It's a pretty good school.

Elon, UPenn. Really? All Philly guys, man. It all runs through Philly. It all runs through Philly. All runs through Philly. Elon transferred to UPenn from college in Canada and he made money by, they had, he lived off campus and I think I've said this, he would, he and his buddy would have parties at their house. Yeah. Clear out like all the furniture and just sell, they'd make people pay at door price.

And they would just destroy their home and make money on the party that way. And then everyone would leave and they'd kind of like live in the ruckus of it. Damn. Pretty good way to make money. Probably make a ton of money. I don't know.

I feel like you just covered the cost of the party. Maybe I should have been charged more though. I don't know what their cover charge at Elon's house was. Must have been incredible. Just goose-stepping all over the place. Five bucks for a solo cup? Keep your cup all night? Nowadays you'd probably get away with like 20.

Bitcoin for a solo? Yeah. Dude, I remember in high school- 20 for a cup? That's like, you remember in high school- 20 for a cup? That's like, you would pay that. I was one of the- If you're going to a party, you're gonna spend $20 on beer anyway.

In Maine, not many people had fake IDs. There wasn't a huge market for it. And I was one of the few people who got one. Yeah. Cause there was a guy that I heard and before he got shut down, he had this, he was making them. He was a really smart kid.

He had bought this really expensive printer somehow to make some. Is this an Asian kid? No. Oh, he was making them like, oh I guess because they probably didn't need the scan. This is, it did scan. Really?

Yeah. Damn. It scanned. And he wasn't Asian. Correct. He had red hair. I think his name was Noah. Korean?

That's Asian. But he went to the private school and he made them and I got one for me and one for my buddy. And then people found out that I had them and older kids would ask me, they would drive me to the gas station to buy beer for them. And I was so eager to please that I would do it, which, you know, such a big risk. Yeah.

I should have been charging like crazy, you know, service fees for that, but I didn't. But then- I did the exact same thing. When I was a senior, I would buy a 30 rack at, you know, Big Apple for like 16 bucks. And then I'd go to O'Connell's house, because his basement, party in O'Connell's basement, and I would sell individual beers for $1. So on a $16 case of beer, I would make 14 bucks of profit. Yeah. You're drinking, you're getting your money back. I know, but even then again, it's like the, what's the risk? It was so not worth it.

Yeah. I remember, I remember people asking me to get them beer in high school and I would do it. And then I would, but I would be like, so nervous. It's so scary. And then they'd be like, how much? And I would just tell them the exact amount that it costs. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. And it's not like those people that- I'd be like rounding down. Went around and they were like, yo dude, this guy just bought me beer and by the way, he's

got a six foot penis. Yeah. And he's really good in bed or whatever. There was no utility that came from it at all. It's a victim. It's like, oh, I got some guy to get us beer. Yeah. This guy's like a victim in your plot. Correct. You're a sucker. One time, I bought Andrew Decker Featheroff. Of course.

A case of beer. And I was so nervous going in that I got him. Was he Native American? He told me to get, no, his name was hyphenated. And he told me to get a certain type. I think he wanted like Rolling Rock. And I was so nervous picking out the beer that I got the wrong time.

I think I got him Sam Adams or something like that. And I remember I brought it out and he like was so disappointed. And I get in the car and he like tells me and then he calls his buddy, Trevor, and he's like I hope you're ready to drink some Sam Adams. Francis fucked up the beer order. They don't even fucking know. That's crazy now to think like this 18 year old's palette wouldn't wasn't good enough for Sam Adams. If I'm a new ADF new being 18 and expecting a light beer and then getting a Sam Adams.

Yeah, but like what does it matter? It's just like you're you're 18 years old and drinking. Yeah. And it's like fresh cold beer. Yeah, that's true. Who gives a fuck. But like coming out 18 years old and drinking. Yeah, and it's like fresh cold beer. Yeah, that's true Who gives a fuck but like coming out with like the Oktoberfest. I was so dirty bottles I was so ashamed that I had let him down. Yeah. Yeah, that's tough That was part of his ploy to keep you under his thumb. Yeah Decker Fedorov

feather off feather off Damn, what a bastard.. Alright, I gotta run. Alright. Cool. Thank you guys for listening. We will see you next week. Close was over, still, still underground. So I looked older, till you came around. To you, came a wrath I was only falling one way

I was only falling one way Days were drifting full full was I so so then you listen now I come alive I was only falling one way

I was only falling one way I was only falling one way I was only falling one way I was only falling one way See it just a distant light Feel it fast forever bright Call it just a memory Take my hand and you can see I'm Oh

Oh Oh Oh Come on Come on Come on Did you realize? No one could take me alive