Son of a Boy Dad - Extreme Combat | Son of a Boy Dad #149

Episode Date: November 14, 2023

Extreme Combat | Son of a Boy Dad #149 -- Ad: PIE Wine, Pizzas new side piece. Visit https://PIEWine.com -- Ad: Head to https://FACTORMEALS.com/son50 and use code son50 to get 50% off. -- Follow us on our socials: https://linktr.ee/sonofaboydad -- Merch: https://store.barstoolsports.com/collections/son-of-a-boy-dad -- SUBSCRIBE TO THE YOUTUBE #SonOfABoyDad #BarstoolSportsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, Son of a Boy Dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Hell yes. Alrighty, welcome back to the Son of a Boy Dad podcast. Today it is November 13th. It is Monday, and we are here. Let's move this LaCroix out of the way.

Francis, I like your socks. Bombas? Very nice socks. Better be clean. These are good ones. Or else people will be mad. My socks are pretty nice. I like my socks.

They're from Lapstone and Hammer. Sass, let's see what's your sock situation what are you wearing for socks smart wool and i got a vans you knew you were recording what's the matter with you well it's nice to record here because i don't have to you know. Yeah. Really slum down. This is a casual Friday for you. Yeah, it is. If I'm fucking setting all this shit up, I'm not going to be wearing khakis, sweating in my ass cheeks. You never wear khakis.

I always wear khakis. It's all I wear is khakis. This is already how you already dress. I never leave the house in sweatpants. I had to go buy jewel pods yesterday. I put on khakis just to do that. look at risk you look at risk i am not at risk you're talking to a man who's five days sober and last time i heard you were fucking drinking yesterday sure was you came in looking all disheveled well i got i'm disheveled you want to know why i'm disheveled because you

got fucked up yesterday no because i got pulled over for speeding today oh really you did where sure did i even brought the ticket what the hell we can talk about it together i didn't know tesla drivers got pulled over i thought that was like the great gatsby situation where you just flash the white card yeah you just uh i mean you can blame the robot you could blame the car yeah the car took off i have a i have a pretty resounding claim here um i have a hot claim to make to you too yeah talk to me it's a little tough over the yeah i don't know what's going on down it sounds like someone's moving out of their apartment it sounds like someone's moving a bowling set well i think and i'm gonna be here, I think I was racially profiled.

Really? Where were you? I was driving back to New York City from the Hudson Valley. Of course. And driving on the highway through White Plains. And I got pulled over. What lane were you in? By a black police officer.

Oh, yeah. And I think I was racially profiled. Big time. Because we were in a Tesla Model 3. Of course. I was wearing my Rolex. Copy that. The sun was probably glinting off of the face of your Batman Rolex.

Yep. We had two dogs in the back, both purebred. One, a French Bulldog. Those are expensive. Yeah, what's the MSRP on both of those? $20,000 a pop? Yeah, I mean, I don't know about the resale value, but geez louise. And then our other is a bird hunting dog, and she's an English Setter.

Of course. Coming from a long line of show winning dogs, by the way. Do you put them in shows we don't yet but we've been told the breeder wants us to yeah don't i don't want it yeah that's just so dumb why what's dumb about it everything what what just have a dog why do you put it in a show it's fun to watch it gives the dog a purpose also to be honest never seen one of those dogs that actually looks like a good dog really i don't want one of those weird dogs that's like perfectly trimmed have you met her though no have you met rube no she's great no i'm sure ruby is a good dog because it's not a show dog

but you're saying she would automatically be bad if she went into show dogging yeah you'd have to get her one of those weird haircuts you do have to get him a weird haircut yeah yeah she's dumb we don't want to do that we want to teach her to bird hunt so you're but so you're you're driving up we're driving down rather oh yeah i get pulled over i'm going it's on a it's like a three or four lane highway that was pretty empty there wasn't i'm you know i'm passing big trucks yeah you know 18 wheelers so i i stepped on it for a period there to get past this guy on the left because it was going to bend coming up soon and i get a little nervous passing big trucks sometimes because if they waggle a little bit and right when i came out on the other side i passed a

state trooper who gunned me and i was going 78 in a 55 oh that's like going to you have to go to court for that 23 over that's not that fast though 78 miles an hour is not that fast but in the 55 it's not great i mean i guess i didn't know i mean 55 i did not know it was 55 a lot of highways in new york are 55 apparently i i'll tell you one thing i would i there were lots of parts of this trip where I was going well faster than 78. Yeah. 90. It's almost like I wasn't going 90. I don't drive 90. Well, well over 78 is 90.

I would say 85. I was going 85. You don't get to tell me what well over 78 is. That could be different for both of us. What is it, 79? No, 85. You don't really live life in the fast lane like I do. I just got pulled over for it.

I got the fucking paperwork saying that I do. Yeah, how can you prove you don't live in the fast lane like I do I just got pulled over for it I got the fucking paperwork saying that I do Mismatching socks Oh at least we're home so I don't have to dress up today Well you guys are just jealous because you're not in your home Because you don't have the fucking maximum spectrum package If you got the maximum spectrum package We could go to your place Record there

I think in our building there's a governor on the spectrum I think that there's like a restrictor plate on how fast our internet can go really i agree with that and i also think if there's anyone who's a maximum on the spectrum it's definitely sass fucking mismatched socks over here i passed the wrong button that was sad trombone i meant to press the laugh one oh okay that's my bad sorry i'm getting a little too invested in the soundboard let me finish painting you this profiled picture here so we um the guy comes up oh should we do pine wine no no i want to hear this is our weekend recap yeah well once he's done with well it'll be presented by pie this racial profiling is brought to you by pie

so i i looked in the rear weird thing and i by the way i haven't been pulled over since high school the shit makes your stomach feel terrible it's not great it's terrifying like your heart will change its rhythm for that i almost thought i was blessed that there was a halo of protection around my car because i don't i don't always drive you had limit. You had an angel. And that I just am... You start getting cocky. Like you see cop speed traps so far ahead that you slow down. So you were in the left lane or the right lane? I was in the left lane. Passing.

But he was on the right shoulder. Okay. Understandable. And as I said, I didn't see him because there was a truck that I was getting past. And he gunned me and smoked me. So, um, damn asshole, he pulls us over.

And by the way, I'm going and I'm watching. I'm like, ah, boy, oh boy. And we see him start inching out. He doesn't even turn his lights on,

but my wife goes, you're getting pulled over. And I then came over to the right lane. He comes up behind us, catches us. Then he turns his lights on, pulls me over. And I, I see him in his car. I'm to the right lane. He comes up behind us, catches us. Then he turns his lights on, pulls me over, and I see him in his car. I'm in the rear window, the rear mirror.

He takes off that state trooper hat. The wide brim. The wide brim. Yeah, they got a deep brim on those things. They can ride horses with those. Yeah. They absolutely could ride a horse with that hat. You definitely don't need those in upstate New york in the fall in a car yeah it was like police officers in wyoming he hangs it on the mirror

of your car his car okay so he's about his hat off and he comes out and this guy was amazing yeah he was huge jacked you could tell yeah um he must have been like six five damn and he was wearing these crisp gray uh state police fatigues you know high boots he had boots that were coming up to here black shiny one shiny as the day is long. And he was so handsome. He was black, as I said. Yeah. And like the most... Black handsome is different than white handsome.

It is so different. It's better. It's much better. It's like a UPS guy. Like the black handsome UPS guy. Some of the hottest men walking this earth. This guy... It's like Michael B. Jordan.

I actually had the thought. I was like, what went wrong in his life that he became a cop? Because he had... You should have told him that. I thought about it. You should be in modeling. I thought about that.

Yeah. But I don't have that power. Let me get you in touch with my agent. Yeah. Something about you just seems right. You rip up this ticket, I'll have you in New York Fashion Week. So I'm watching him approach our car. I'm in Times Square our car where I roll

down my window and he goes I pulled you over because I clocked you going 78 in a 55 and I said I'm so sorry officer. I understand he goes. Can I have your license registration and I pulled out my license and I handed it to him

and I couldn't shuffling through the papers i don't know where shit is of course in the glove box you haven't been pulled over in eons not exactly since high school and even then i only got a fucking warning and more on that later um but stay tuned i i handed my license he goes he goes don't worry about the registration. Is this a 2023? And I was nervous. And I said, yes, but it's a 2018. Oh, my God. So now I'm worried. He goes back to his car to run the whole thing.

And I'm thinking, oh, shit, do I need to get out of the car? Yeah, you probably do. To correct the year of the model? That's the last thing you want to say as a white man charging the police car. Yeah, there you go. There you go. So I just left it. I figured we could correct it for the record when he came back.

But he comes back and he's got, I'm thinking, well, he saw the dogs. He looked in the back seat, saw the dogs. He saw my wife. My wife's looking cute as a button. She's wearing a colorful sweater. A tumble. Yeah, a tumble, right? And she's got a headband on.

And here's this family man driving back. Sorry, sir, I was late for work. That's why I said that. So I'm thinking, there's a chance we get off with a warning here. Yeah. The old priv kicked in. Yeah, the white privy. The old priv.

I probably know someone he works with. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If he thinks he's getting me for this, he clearly doesn't know my sphere of influence or my funniness. Exactly. He doesn't know who my dad knows. And, oh, boy. The friend of police car, too.

I mean, do you have one of those? One of those, like, get out of jail free Star Trek cards? I have been offered one and never collected it. You're like, I'll never need this. I just didn't collect it. I didn't think to. That's my already baked in... That's my get out of jail free card.

I also like to keep playing field level. See this fucking Fitbit, bro? You know, for me, I like to... More on that later. I like to believe... I believe in my own priv yeah yeah you know what i mean like it exists uh no matter where you go this shit is strong this is hubris and i i think i can talk my way out of just about anything and if i play dumb

and polite enough and respect their authority defer surround myself with thoroughbred dogs in a non-emissions uh induced whatever vehicle yeah yeah emissions neutral there's a pretty good chance uh and of course he hands me the paper and he starts explaining it to me and he goes you're gonna have to either appear in court in front of a jury to if you plead not guilty or you'll have to plead guilty and send this in. And I was very confused. I was like, wait, I'm sorry. Am I going to? I said this.

Am I going to jail? I said that. And he starts laughing. Yeah, sure. Jail? What? He goes, no no it's a speeding ticket well you mentioned the court and binding guilty not guilty he goes well if you were going to jail i'd put you in handcuffs right now and i was almost like that might be kind of fun yeah that'd be great for the podcast pretty good for be pretty good. Great for the blog if Nate allowed it.

Francis, the last thing we need is your fucking jail horror stories up on the Barstool blog. It's going to make Dave look bad. It's going to make Alex Cooper. Post more ass and tits, Francis. The last thing we need is fucking jail stories. Nice. Get enough of that with Wallow. You would get added to the culture section of the podcast i should have mentioned to this cop you're not familiar with uh yeah a million dollars a million dollars worth of game you know pat

yeah so i he starts laughing he hands me the thing and uh he goes on his way. Now, they don't assign a fine with this ticket. That gets determined by the court, apparently. So I have no idea what I'm facing here. I'm going 23 miles an hour over. My guess is like 300 bucks and points. I think that's what it's going to be, dude. That's bad. Points is way worse than the cash.

Points means my insurance are going to go up. Oh, oh yeah when i got pulled over a bunch my parents insurance cut went up yeah like points on your license uh eventually like you get enough points i think they can throw you in the clink for that they can or they can suspend your license right right that's probably what it is suspend your license so i'm wondering if i should be contesting this do i go to court what what leg would i have to stand on if any if you went to court the police officer wouldn't show up and then you would get you're banking on that but you don't know him as well as i do no but that happens like that's like a known thing it's like every time you go the police officer see and be seen bro i'm telling you this guy he shows up yeah he's gonna come in his in his most stylish he outdressed me for court

he would i don't think dude I don't think, dude, I don't think you can contest it because we have on this podcast the full confession of... We do. But like, you can't argue with what he clocked on the gun. You could say that you weren't going

that fast. What, in that the gun was wrong? Yeah. You could say, when was the last time you calibrated the gun that's a that's a defense people actually say that i mean it's a it's a feeble defense but it's a defense could i not say i was passing the truck and therefore i stepped on it for a second yeah or you could say like there was some kind of an emer or like a b was loose in your car or some shit like that the tommy boy defense i think that there's but i think that you're pretty fucking hamstrung dude i i think that they got your ass and i think you're gonna have to bite the bullet on this one and get to pay

i want to go to the court i want them to see me and hear me and then say well you're guilty but we're not taking we're not giving you points or like a lesson sentence that's what I want I'll go I'll dust bookshelves at the local library you ask for community service top shelves get a lot of dust and they do who are tall and no one's true that's what they like because a lot of

criminals are not tall and librarians are short to librarians are some of the shortest women on earth and a lot of the criminals that they would come in to dust the lower shelves, they can't let in the library because they're pedophiles. Yes, exactly. The public library? Pedophiles.

I was thinking like Shawshank Redemption type library. We're not going there. I'm not fucking teaching chess at the clink. No, the lower shelves are for pedophiles. That's who we leave those shelves to. And then they bring someone like me, an upstanding member of society. Yeah, just a guy that speeds. Wrong place, wrong time.

In jail, you would be the librarian, though. You would walk from cell to cell with a cart of books being like, oh, that's a good one. I would. I would be teaching people how to achieve their GEDs. Yes, I would. Yeah, for a lesson sentence or something like that. What does that guy in Shawshank say? He's like, like fucking two plus two is four and cats don't climb trees fuck this

the guy that's trying to get his ged yes yeah and then he gets shot right he gets killed yeah because he says that he knows the dude that is the actual criminal dude i think that your back is flush against the wall and that uh yeah 100 it's some bullshit and they probably have nothing better to do up there your best bet is definitely just to go in person and uh the guy just won't show up and you'll end it all get erased but if he does come he's not going to then what is there any way for me to become friends with him no you're telling me i don't have any future with that cop i think you have a future but i think it's after you serve the time and you're like i shouldn't have done that and your best hope is for next time yeah it's gonna be like

it's gonna be like an american gangster type situation mentors yeah he'll be like after you got out of prison he'd like your best bet is joining the police force i was thinking about that and then he and i I Or be like I was speeding Because the deadline to enlist Was in an hour And I had to get there Become a hero Have you ever gone into a military

Recruiting center No but I've been on the website like a thousand times I've had the name entered Ready to just What do they make you do pull ups As soon as I finished And there were a bunch of guys milling around and they looked at me and they're like can we help you and they would come to my school i'm curious about joining the marine corps and they go did you go to college and i said yes and they're like you need to go

down to the officers only well well well if is it if it isn't the old son of a boy dad listeners. Boy, let's take a second for a minute and let's talk about Factor. All right. I love Factor. If you guys listen to the show, you know I love Factor. All I pretty much do is sit in my apartment and eat Factors. All right. Factor, this holiday season, you might be looking for nutritious, convenient meals to keep you energized on these jam-packed days. Me personally, I'm busy as crap, all right? I am so busy. I don't have time to, you know, go to the grocery store every day and just like get a bunch of food and cook it myself.

But I want to be healthy, so I don't like to like order out for every single meal. That's why I use Factor. I legitimately just ate the taco bowl. The chicken taco bowl from Factor. It had a nice little side of corn and a green sauce with some rice inside and the chicken and the cheese. It was delicious. I might have a second. How crazy is that of me? Honestly, Factor is a great way to stay healthy. Cooking can be and if you if you can't deal with all that stress i recommend using factor all right they have great options they got low calorie calorie options they

have keto options i mean pretty much every single meal or at least the smart meals i know are less than 550 calories per serving which is good i mean three of those a day that's good that's good stuff which is good. I mean, three of those a day, that's good. That's good stuff. All right. So this November, get Factor and enjoy eating well without the hassle. Simply choose your meals and enjoy fresh flavor-packed meals delivered straight to your door. Head to factormeals.com slash sun50 and use code sun50 to get 50% off. That's code sun50 at factormeals.com slash sun50 to get 50% off. Back to the show. They're full of shit, these cops.

Yeah. I found out this past weekend that there is a law in New York where you can drift your bike into the intersection, and the red lights are just a yield in New York for rollerbladers, cyclists, skateboarders, anybody who's doing their own thing. What? Really? And that's what I got a fucking ticket for is going into an intersection when there was a fucking red light. You got a ticket because you had your headphones on. Well, that was my second ticket, but

that was a secondary infraction. There's no need to lie. You're on the fucking cop side, dude. Officer Harry over here. I'm not on the cop side. I'm just a big fan of the law and following it uh-huh dude i watched i started watching this show last night called unbelievable have you guys ever seen this no i haven't seen it it's a mini series it's about uh like it's about this rapist serial rapist who like gets pretty much the it's it's about a serial rapist and it's about these like two lady cops detectives who are like investigated and catch the guy but it's like so yeah yeah yeah i watched that you've seen it yes it's a little lady from

hereditary the girl yeah from she was in book smart yeah and she was in dope sick princess leia's daughter no i didn't know that that's interesting it's obviously not a true story right it is it is it is dude you know what's so funny about that show is how is how obviously like uh dumb they make the men out to be like it's not not in a bad way but it is like a very pro women show yep but like the like the dude cops they're like uh like they're all fucking like retarded and then the girl cops are like yeah anyways they'll be in like the big room like and they'll be like what if we like looked up and saw like maybe if this guy had a past in like burglary and they're like yeah so you think we didn't try that two months ago dumbass like the whole show

is just like anything a dude says it's like he has a fucking massive learning disability. Honestly, you think they're right or no? Who? Do you think that they're right about male cops being that stupid? Yeah, probably. I don't know. I don't know.

I think every department, it's just like any job. You've got brilliant savant cops and you've got really stupid cops. Yeah. One thing that leads me to believe that they could be right is that female detective that had like a train ran on her by every single person in the police department a couple months ago it was like the biggest story in the world i've never seen this was the biggest story in the world it was fucking massive huge really big story i never saw this you don't remember this like uh piggy looking like fucking no no white lady who just like the biggest and the biggest story in the world do you mean it

was the biggest story on barstool sports.com i don't even think barstool covered it i think it was too salacious to have it was a big story to have covered it we covered it yeah really that's right up our alley but i saw it all over the place like p this woman was celebrated because she was just getting like plowed in in by every single stupid fucking cop. Just like in her state trooper mobile. In her fucking patrol car. I mean, was she on the night shift or the day shift? She liked black and white guys, if that's what you're asking.

Oh, all right. Is that what you meant? No, that's not what I meant. But I feel like if i was on the night ship that would be fucking what that was the button you needed to hit i don't even know what buttons is oh there we go hi yeah that was a really good joke that was a really good joke that was good but i think she did i think there was like the pictures of like the eight dudes that she banged and they're just all like like i think that there is like a good chance that

that show that you're watching right now is accurate to to male cops being fucking idiots yeah i mean i'm sure they are but it is like it they definitely overdid it in some sense yeah i hate sexism against my male brothers well me too you know but i'm also obviously obviously a very big fan of the lady detectives who stopped this monster it's a true story i didn't know it was a true story i'm pretty sure it's pretty heavy show it's heavy i died it was like i need a fucking i need to get into a new mini series because i had a terrible day yesterday watching sports and i was like all right let me get into something you know and then i was like this is a little heavy let me get into a rape show yeah like the whole first episode is just like vicious rape flashbacks i was was like, Jesus Christ.

Yeah, it's pretty bad. Is it? I think it's a true story. Well, I think the point of the story is more about how the world tends to not believe somebody who claims that they were raped. Yeah, 100%. Yeah, it is very fucked up. We can change the topic. We don't have to fucking spend the whole episode talking about this.

Are you done with Band of Brothers? Yeah, I got to start. What's it called? Pacific. Pacific. Pacific's a step down from Band of Brothers. That's what I've heard. But did you see they came out with that new one?

They're coming out with that new one. Airborne. Airborne. It looks a little more Hollywoodized to me. It's the sexy Elvis actor being like, all that guy all right boys yeah marshall the place he got stuck in elvis voice yeah he's like a guy who has the hiccups for the rest of his life like he can't shake that voice he's like a sexier top gun i thought you know uh damian lewis being cast as major winners he's not like the most handsome actor i like that he also looks a lot like major winners

you could be in a fucking movie like that with that haircut of yours you'd be on the nazi side they would be like there's come on no one that no one that clean he wasn't in bastone true dodging shrapnel and foxholes. That guy's getting out of speeding tickets on the 405. Now, but putting Elvis in that is hilarious though. What's his name? Austin Butler? Yeah, yeah. And his voice is deep as fuck. Get the fucking krauts.

Get the krauts, boys. Oh, God. Oh, Lord. Oh, Lord. Krauts. They just sent a hunk of burning lava to us. Boys, in your foxholes now. That's just, that's the... That's Ed the horse. Yeah, Ed the...

I don't know. I can't do Elvis. I'm not a very good impressionist. I give it my best, though, all right? Fall back. When Roan was nailing it, you thought you were jumping in. Well, I was having a good time.

We were just laughing. Tagging his, and you were just turning it into a warblyble thoroughbred fucking that's as good as Elvis I can do an anthropomorphic Clydesdale over here sound like brown

come on everybody. Won't you hold my that's a sparky from that's pretty close doing him but yeah in in band of brothers like some of the dudes have like chiclet teeth or just like uh i don't even know where they found them as like actors like they're they're like uh appropriately ugly enough and killable yeah but most of the main leads in that show are fucking big ass names like now yeah but they weren't then yeah i was tom tom hardy

i haven't seen his ass he's in tom hanks he's tiny though he's he has no muscle yet really ew he's like 150 pounds in that show fucking gross wait um this weekend update was brought to you by pie wine pie wine pie wine pizza's best friend in the world. A crispy, dry white and a pretty good wine, too. We got a bunch. Hand me a red. Why don't you throw me a red? A can of some red. I believe this is also white.

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Oh, my God! God damn, this wine's good! Every glass or every can has two glasses of wine 10.5 percent 10.5 percent alcohol gluten-free oh this one's 13.1 percent hold your horses damn that's a fun drink tonight you know that's a fun drink to like throw on some video games have a pie and just like sit there and sip on one of those. That'd be a fun night. What a different evening for you. We love pie wine.

Yeah, pie wine has bought in with a lot of the stuff that we're doing, and it was such a pleasant surprise to find out that it's freaking delicious, that it is so good. It's Pizza's Best Friend. You should be ordering some today. Treat yourself to some pie wine today, yesterday. Yeah. Yes. Go to piewine yesterday yeah yes go to pie wine.com pizza's new side there's a pie wine.com pizza's new side piece hell yes nice uh sass why are you wearing a whoop now um uh it's not a whoop this is a fitbit what is it

why are you wearing that now it doesn't even work it's dead um why are you wearing that now? It doesn't even work. It's dead. Why are you wearing that? It died this morning. To appear athletic? No, I've been going on a lot of walks. Really? Yes, and I'm not drinking, and I'm off the gummies. That's the big one.

What gummies? The candies. What do you mean? Just regular sugar? Like candy. Okay. I didn't know if you were talking about like... Because candy was getting out of control for a minute really dude it was eating a uh and a lot of candy how does that how do you get into that it's it's a slow process and then you realize oh

shit i'm putting down like a bag at night which is like a thousand grams of sugar i think that there's um i think i've already lost weight dude since wednesday i've lost like five pounds not in your face yeah i know i'm just kidding brother no i really have because it's like i was looking in the mirror my titties are hanging a lot less they're sitting high they're sitting high they're getting back to their original position nice and firm a mild b a mild single b cup which is very nice yeah because uh dude i mean i was putting down these jolly rancher gummies i mean they are next level gummies yeah the best gummies i've ever had and i've always been a candy guy but i was off of it for a while and then recently i started getting

back on it and then i would be like i don't know when you eat candy you're like ah whatever it's gonna have a couple pieces of candy it's not gonna fucking ruin me and then you realize oh shit i've been eating a lot of pieces of candy for the last three months straight right and then is it ever chocolate god no it's only anything that was made in like a lab that was designed by scientists to taste good by genius scientists and jolly rancher gummies are fucking phenomenal but i'm off i haven't had i haven't had gummies in like two weeks i think me me and Francis are both more like chocolatey dessert type guys. Francis needs nice pastry. Oh, I do love a flaky pastry filled with cream.

I love a pastry. Different types of cream. I had three pastries on Saturday morning. Three. God damn. But pastries, the thing with pastries, like what kind of pastries are we talking? Like croissants?

Well, no. I had one that had pistachio filling inside. And I had an apple turnover that was filled with apple-y goodness. And then I had a pain au chocolat. I've never had any of those things. Except for the first one. You've probably had a pain au chocolat. I don't think I have.

Chocolate bread? Chocolate croissant. Oh, chocolate croissant. All right, just say that next time. I like to honor. Yeah, dude. But it is heritage. A nice croissant. I feel like a croissant has the same thing it

feels the same as like eating popcorn what are you like this should be zero calories why i don't know popcorn i feel like it's like fake calories i think you don't acknowledge butter i don't i think that like uh it seems like everything you described almost is butter heavy it seems like you're like a butter is your um that's your cup of tea it's your it's your vice whereas just plain straight sugar like sugar and chemicals is your very much so let me let me ask you something can you say this quoi quoi say son son put those together croissant yeah what do you think i'm fucking why would i not be able to say that did you not hear me say la croix in the beginning you you were saying la croix croissant how do you say croissant croissant yeah but you are capable croissant you're capable of saying it the french way i'm

not trying to be all dramatic i'm just gonna say croissant i'm not gonna say croissant why not because i'm ordering croissants you're ordering them yeah i say croissant. Why not? Because I'm ordering croissants. You're ordering them? Yeah. I like croissant this morning. Where? Starbucks. Oh, that's not good. That's unfortunate.

It was very good. No, I needed something before you guys. That is a croissant. I needed something before you guys. That's a crescent. That's a croissant. That's a crescent roll. That's a crescent.

That is a croissant. That's a Pillsbury crescent roll. But I needed something for my cup of joe because I'm back on the joe too. Big time. You're back on the joe? Oh, love it. All it takes though is going to gonna be one day it's because you like those holidays break down yeah you're gonna have a mental you're gonna have a panic attack and then i'll be like all right back to the red bulls you're gonna be pissing from your palms that's the sweat oh yeah the sweat is

different but it's the holiday cups i think that you like no that was my first time having starbucks it was the fastest option on uber eats and i was setting up and i was like all right let me get some fucking joe in me because i overslept a little bit so you need a little pick me up yeah luckily you boys were wildly late what time did you sleep until today uh i woke up at 9 a.m texted ron but i i went to bed late so i set my alarm for nine and then i said another one for 11 because i was like i'm gonna wake up early text ron be like hey what's the plan for today well act like i'm up early yeah fall back asleep and then i woke back up and it was like 11 30 and i was like i jumped out of bed i was like no not again do you know how far across the world i would need to travel in order to come home and sleep until 1130 in the morning.

Yeah, but you also don't go to bed as late as I do. You're on the grinder. What do you mean? He has like spots at the fucking comedy cellar at 130. That's still a thing? That place is still running? Dude, everyone in New York has been saying that club is going under. Oh, boy.

No, I'm kidding. I don't know. Yeah, he can't stick with that bit. He's not sticking with that bit. He would give it all up in a second. I think that if he had two guns and two bullets and they said that if you kill Francis and Roan, you can be at the Comedy Cellar tonight.

Dude, I would kill you guys to perform in the downstairs room at the stand. Wouldn't even think twice about it. I would brutally murder you guys. Like that video of the Vietnam execution where the blood is literally like coming out like a water fountain you would shoot us from close range literally it would be like the battle of baston it would be just like baston baston 43 million or no 43 000 krauts died there and 49 000 americans died in baston is that right is that true and band of brothers it makes it seem like maybe five Americans died.

I didn't know it was that many. I thought that was just... Are you talking about Normandy? I'm talking about Bastogne. Bastogne in the woods in the snow? Battle of the Bulge. No. We're talking about two different things.

I think Bastogne is when they're in the woods in the snow. In the snow. Yeah, that's Battle of the Bulge. No, but that's Bastogne. Are you sure about that? You'll pick up on it baston i hate when i have to i hate when i have to out history knowledge francis like this you you might be right siege at baston look up battle of the bulge how many americans died in baston hang on let me go back how many americans died in baston battle of baston bro well i thought you had the fucking elite internet.

Francis is not even coming close to looking at the Battle of Bastogne. He's looking at his own ticket sales. You don't have fucking service somehow. Yeah, what is wrong with your internet in here, bro? I'm smashing this. By the way, city biking here, down this level, you live on truly the nicest street in New York City. I know.

It's picturesque. It's amazing. Take it in, because City. I know. It's picturesque. It's amazing. Take it in, because this is going away very soon. When? I am running out of money fast. No, you're not. I don't buy that for a goddamn second. Is it a bad time when you're ending the year with less money than you had the year before?

No, you're supposed to do that until your death. Because I feel like last year I had a lot of money and now this year i'm like it's pretty just the same what are you spending it on i don't know i mean my rent is expensive you got to get on the road brother you gotta go on the road this weekend st louis come to the shows can i make a recommendation there's still plenty of tickets start selling out theaters yeah that would be nice don't you think that's a good idea ramp it up that would be a very good idea i think it's you selling out some theaters i think but i think sobriety is a good pace for you because you've been spending like six dollars on blood lights tonight yeah i know that's the thing i i i don't know i don't know what it is because i don't

spend any money on drinks i guess food here's a way to save some money hunt for your own meals yeah we'll go upstate every single day me speaking up i went bird hunting this weekend that sounds like a pleasant experience i shouldn't yeah that's right i shot pheasant girl hunting and partridge that's what they call it when me and my boys go and hit the town i don't know if i went i don't know if i shot partridge i shot chucker chucker pheasant and quail i never even heard of chucker and i would love chucker i'll tell you it's a light i shot a big rooster kill for some chucker right now big one shot it out of the sky so the dogs they they go through the field and they're kind of circling and crisscrossing and they're smelling and then they they get on

the scent and one of them stops and points there it is yeah that's what it's saying there's one right there it's it's what kind of gun were you using i had a rifle they are 15 maybe it was a shotgun yeah it was probably a shotgun i think was a shotgun. I think you typically hunt birds with shotguns. So then that dog points, and then the other dog comes over, and then the two of them start chasing it. And these things run through the brush. They run fast. They run.

What kind of dogs are these? Have you ever seen the movie The Incredibles? I have, yes. Do you know the moment where the mom, Elastigirl, the plane explodes? Big ass. And then they land in the ass water you know they land in the water and she creates a boat out of her body oh yes yes yes dash powers them to the island that's how the dogs run it look that's what the quay the pheasants look like oh the pheasants when they're running because they're very low to the ground and like kyler murray like they're forward but they're yeah but they're kind of just motoring forward and so the dogs get on it on the chase and then they have to nudge it up in the air and if they get it up then they they they flush it they flush it up in the air and the bird startled kind of squawks up in the air and it goes up in the air and you have a split

second where it doesn't really know where it wants to fly yeah and it's just sort of up in the air and that's when you blow its head off you can boom yeah take them out but i i didn't really have that they all the ones i hit all started kind of moving so i had to get a moving shot and i have a question though if the dog is is going that direction and the bird flies up over the dog and you're shooting in that direction you don't shoot when they're over the dogs you wait for them to clear you wait for the birds to clear from the dogs interesting because the guy who took this out told me right off the bat he goes uh i have one rule if you shoot one of my dogs uh i get you owe me a leg. Interesting.

That feels like that wouldn't hold up in court. I know. I know it would be like fucking best stone, but I was remarkably one of my dogs. Take your leg off. I was remarkably restrained. Like anytime the birds were within anywhere of of the other people in the group,

you know, the guy who was guiding the dogs and stuff like that, and it was me and another friend of mine who he had the other side of the field so if the birds flew to his side he would shoot him if they flew to my side i would try to shoot him i could definitely see you being more of like a dick cheney out there well that's my point is like the fact that he did shoot a guy in the face doing this makes no sense to me it makes no sense because he literally just shot a dude in the head for no reason there's no way it was an accident but he like you have to really not be paying attention to the rules in order to do what janey did i mean i've told the story before

about how my dad when we were when we went paintballing in fifth grade for my birthday and it was like me and three of my friends and my dad and we were like have you ever been paint falling before and you you know how you're like before you start there's like a dude who like gives all the instructions and you're all like standing in this like huddle circle yeah some dude just shot my dad straight in the head from like one inch away what just like before we even started my dad was just standing there and some dude was just like intentionally wait what are your friends no a random stranger the dude got like kicked out of the entire thing and my dad was like execution style my dad turns his face because he got the mask on but he turns his face and there's just paint all over his face and he was like some dude just fucking shot me in the head

i'm sure it was an accident i'm sure the guy didn't do it on purpose i think the guy i think the way my dad described it was like the guy was like leaning he was like on his like on it taking a knee and he had his gun he had his gun like this and he just like pressed the trigger and just hit my dad right in the head story five seconds ago and say execution style on purpose it's called uh exaggerating for a joke okay he made me laugh no but that really did happen it was very funny oh my god dude that's fucking brutal did it did it hurt your dad i've never gone no i don't think so yeah when it hits you it does hurt

and you get like well yeah i've seen the welts the welts are fucking terrible my dad had a story when he went paintballing when he was a kid and he said that the it was the middle of the winter and he said that they well the balls were the balls would freeze because it was so cold out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he said that was like you would get massive welts. Is your daddy a career paintballer? No.

He's probably been paintballing two times. Those are the two. It was one time then and then one time with me. I've told that story before, but some dude DM'd me randomly and was like, that story was so funny. And I was like, I think I told that story like two years ago. dude i thought i'd repurpose it it's worth it yeah it's a good story because there might be new listeners exactly subscribe to the podcast definitely subscribe son of a boy dad but uh yeah i wouldn't be surprised if some guy messaged you and was like i tried to

kill your dad with a paintball yeah that would also not be surprising or if two female cops fucking yeah dude after the fucking bumbling men on the force fumbled around but so did you have any uh qualms about uh shooting a pheasant because this is your first this is your first kill right first kill of anything really other than you know mosquitoes and shit and maybe the occasional squirrel or raccoon that I've run over and then seen it twitching in its final death spasms. So then I stopped, backed up, and then one more time for good measure over the front, mostly for the sound and sensation.

But yeah. What do you do when you kill them? Do you have to fucking, you just go pick them up or the dog then retrieves it in its mouth and brings it to you and then you stuff it in a little bag

in your back of your vest. And are they always dead from the first shot? No. So this is where that's going to be. If the bird, if you wing the bird,

if you shoot it in the wing or something, then it's not dead. And then the guy who's in control. But it falls, I'm assuming, right? It falls. The dog goes and gets it.

And then they bring it over to the guy. And the guy takes the bird by the head. And it snaps it. And it goes like this. Oh. And breaks its neck by almost, you know that toy that would. Like a fucking dude with a lanyard. It swings it by its head

around its body or you could just twist it but like a police officer swinging his baton walking down the street. Yeah, and so they kill it that way and then in the spirit of being a good hunter we then

fillet we plucked the birds and then we brined them in a mixture of brown sugar and salt water and you did this five or six hours by yourself you just like took the birds home yeah well we didn't pluck them they plucked them and then they kind of cut them up and stuff prepared them but then we brined them and then we created a lovely we made a nice we braised them for hours and then we ate them was it was it significantly better than a normal like chicken or hen that you would eat pheasants good it's it's it's good it's a little leaner probably there's no fat at all also bird right white meat yeah and it was nice and good it's just a smaller chicken kind of taste. See, I prefer my chicken to have never been outside in its entire life.

Yeah, me too. I want mine to be real fat. I want mine to not have flown and be pumped full of steroids. Yeah. Been living within millimeters of other chickens for its entire lifetime. Don't get me wrong. These pheasants, they weren't exactly Iron Man 5K runners. These things had been grown somewhere in, I think, China.

Oh, really? So they were stocked? They stocked the fields with them. Yeah, I was about to say, because those are too beautiful of birds to just be occurring naturally. Yes, but what happens is previous hunts, sometimes they'll throw 20 birds into the fields, and they'll only get 16 of them maybe the dogs only get 17 up in the air four shots are missed and the two or three survivors the wiliest most you know bulletproof birds they come back and settle in the fields and then those birds

become they become wild i would i would watch a movie about the birds that got like the birds that break free yeah that got like taken from china set out in the field everybody hunted them and they had to fucking run away escaped and then started a better life for themselves that's got to be exhilarating that's inspiring honestly i wouldn't mind that happening to me pretty badass but your odds are low let's be honest me and you are getting fucking plucked off as one of the 16 of 20 no you're gonna pretty much have military training i too have a lot of brothers that i've been watching recently i'd be i'd be so badass i'd be sneaking in at night to eat the dog's food would you i'd go in because they sleep in in like this outdoor indoor kennel and they they live for it they live for the birds that's their yeah favorite thing in

the world is to hunt these birds and uh you think you'd be sneaky enough to pull up on a dog like that i think like there'd be some other bird who would dare me to do it and i would do it but then i would dare like the new kid who was talking a lot of shit and he'd do it but he'd get caught and i'd have a change of heart and i'd go see yeah damn a heroic bird you think you'd be able to save him it's tough when you're a bird because i feel like a dog wouldn't be able to catch a bird in its own cage eating its kibble, bringing back a piece of its kibble as a souvenir. The dogs were bells around their neck. I think what I would do is I would dare one of the rookie birds to go bring the bell back.

Snatch the bell. Chain snatch. Yeah, like Birdman and Drewski. I saw a... What the heck's going on, son of a boy dad listeners? Are you guys ready to talk about some mother effing free chi? Three chi? Well, if you are are you're in luck

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Now back to the show. I saw a video this week of a leopard sneaking into someone's house presumably in like uh africa asia because we don't we don't have those north yes yes yes uh and it it like descended it was like a ring camera a closed circuit tv type of thing and it just crept up on a dog and it got pitch black in the house but night vision camera and it got like one inch away from the dog and the dog had absolutely no idea a leopard like attacked the dog basically did the dog die uh they didn't show that in the video but that's so surprising i mean

i guess it makes sense because i'm sure leopards are very uh move very quietly when they're stalking their prey and because they've had to live in the wild and their uh silence is utilitarian that's like their go-to move yeah it is surprising that a that a dog wouldn't hear that especially in its own house yeah i guess don't dogs have like 300 times the level hearing that humans have i guess leopards probably have more i always wondered about dogs if their smell is that much more powerful if you fart in a dog's face is it just like kill me dude i saw a video the other day i love that shit did i say i don't know if i said this to you i saw i saw a video the other day of a dog who was like like it's just like a snapchat video and it's this dog in the bathroom

with this dude and he's and the dudes were filming and the dog's like like gag Snapchat video and it's this dog in the bathroom with this dude and the dudes were filming and the dog's like gagging trying to get out of the bathroom and he's like, you wanted to come in. You're going to sit through here. It's hot in here, huh? He's like, yeah, it's roasting in here. It really is 7,000 eggs. The dog's like clawing trying to get out of the bathroom.

The dog pulls out a gun and shoots itself. It's such a funny video. I mean, if it is that acute of a sense, then that must have been torture for the dog. Oh, yeah. But dogs farts, I mean, dude, nothing smells worse than a dog fart.

Do your dogs fart? Yeah, Kojai does. Dude, my dog Stitch farts like so much and then he wags his tail and it spreads it around and you're like oh you might consider switching his food a bit well it's kind of that's my parents decision formula i'm not gonna phone home and be like guys let's switch the formula up coming home for thanksgiving i want those farts to be a little more tame do you think do you think hunting's do you guys have moral hang-ups about it um i don't know if i would have many moral hang-ups about shooting birds that's the thing i didn't really care about birds but i feel like i would have a problem shooting it like the sydney wells level of shit where she's posting like

night vision cameras being like i've had this one since he was just two months old look how big he's grown can't wait to murder him next weekend yeah i don't know if i'd be able to get down with that no that's not really my style she has a respect for it's not like she's killing them as soon as she sees them she's like no i'm not gonna kill you today yeah they let them grow up today yeah they let them grow up she's pretty wildly i mean we should send her down to the tunnels under gaza yeah she'd be clean the streets making mince meat yeah she'd do a great job in like a taxi driver role in the city go and just slaughter all the homeless her being like laura croft going against

hamas would be fucking sick yeah yeah yeah just going to town against hamas would be fucking impressive and i think she could dude i mean some of the guys in band of brothers they were just hunters some of the best shots right yeah but it they were just hunters. Some of the best shots, right? Yeah, but it's a weird dilemma because I like fishing a lot, but what's the difference between fishing and... Well, fish are dumb as hell. Yeah.

Patrice has a bit about how he can kill fish because they don't have eyebrows. They don't make a reaction. Have you been on a big Patrice kick lately? No, that's an old one. I saw that bit you posted. That bit was so goddamn funny one that's what you get yeah it is i don't know if uh because when i went on this safari i thought that i would have a very uh like fragile relationship with the the death of the bush.

That wouldn't bother me. But when I saw it, I was like, okay. But also, I didn't see anything. I didn't hear the death cries. The screams. Rah! The peels. You didn't hear any of that. That was actually a great impression. Anyone who says you're a bad impressionist, they've never heard you do it. A dying zebra. Yeah.

You didn't see the fog, the mist. The last breath. Yeah, sort of go from fear to resignation. Last breath before that sweet release. To sort of, you know, now you're just part of the food cycle. Yeah, the moment when they decide to stop fighting. Yeah, they stop fighting. The resignation.

The stillness of the eyes. Yeah, that I don't think animal on animal would bother me that much. I don't think that would bother me at all to be fully honest because it's just like the circle of life i don't know if i would want to kill like like i was just saying my friend bo is going to uh not my buddy my friend your buddy he's going to um bo kenya and he's going big game hunting and he was like i hope i can kill an elephant yeah that's fucked and then i was talking with my other friends behind his back. He's not really going to kill an elephant.

I was saying to Francis Poirot, I feel like that feels like a mortal sin. You can't just go around killing elephants. I don't know what you can actually kill in South Africa. I don't think you may be able to kill elephants, but I think you get you get like they they issue a there's a lottery or you can actually bid on tags because they need so he's definitely not killing an elephant if there's a lottery if he's like super i mean if he's going with really like rich guys or something like that there's like a high end you have to they have to they keep population control over there so like every year a certain number of tags are issued for rhinos and i may

maybe elephants i doubt elephants though i doubt it but elephants elephants what would even be the point of killing an elephant do you people eat elephant um they probably cut the head off you mount the head on the wall and then make you the ivory maybe is worth a ton still oh man i would maybe kill an elephant if i could just have an elephant fucking posted up on the wall and then make you the ivory maybe is worth a ton still oh man i would maybe kill an elephant if i could just have an elephant fucking post it up on the wall there the head of an elephant the trunk just just in this backdrop dude that would take this podcast to the next level we might have to go to africa and kill an elephant yeah yeah bo send back an elephant brother and we like rigged it up to be like a fucking beer tap the trunk we're doing like grab the trunk grab the elephant obviously cocaine

off the tusks totally that would be pretty cool but i still don't think i would kill an elephant i don't know killing something that's bigger than me would feel weird i probably want to start at human before i went to elephant really a big human well to get them maybe a small human seller yeah have you um there's like zebras. You think you could kill a zebra? No, I wouldn't want to kill anything outside of maybe a bird or a fish. But I don't even, I don't even kill fish when I go fishing. What about deer?

No, I don't think so. Really? What about a pig? No, definitely not. I would definitely not kill a pig. What about a cow? No, I love cows. Boar?

Boar are a pest. You shoot them from a helicopter with an ar 15 yeah i actually have seen that yeah that they sometimes they bring out the turret for that yeah you're like rotating like it's star wars i would do that i would do that just that would be fun they play flight of the valkyries i mean that would be kind of hard to turn down. That would be fucking awesome. Well, we could organize that. I think Sydney's done that.

That would be fucking sick. I'd be more scared of the fucking the helicopter being in the helicopter. I wouldn't be scared if I was in the helicopter. If I was strapped into a turret, they open the window, the door, and you obviously you shoot out of it. Yeah, that would be fucking and they bank over and there's a whole family of or you don't even hear the separation around.

It's just a home. It's just a constant. I think I got one missing all the gone hurt one of them. Look, I wrote my name in the dirt. I don't even think I would need to kill a boar to do that. I think I'd be fine just hanging out of a helicopter shooting shit.

But I'm a meat eater, though. Doesn't Billy Football have a story about fucking going to like Thailand or some shit and shooting a cow? He told us that on the original Most Dangerous Games show. Yeah, and he shot a cow with an RPG and he was like seven and he said it was the most like devastating thing he's it was The most like devastating Thing he's ever done Yeah I think that's

Cambodia where you do that Right Or Laos or something And you pay like 50 bucks And you just load up A rocket launcher And you shoot a cow And the cow just like

Explodes Played neat Carpaccio Yeah And you're like Wait I think I have Another 50 Yeah You guys have another cow

I mean I'm sure They're probably also Banking I'm assuming Shooting a rocket launcher With good aim is pretty tough to do. They're probably relying on the cow never even getting hit for most times. Dude, that's one thing I was impressed of in Band of Brothers. They're shooting those little rocket launchers with expert precision.

They're just in a tiny-ass hole. Yeah, the one with the angle where you drop it in. That shit is impressive. Mortars? We gotta go shooting. You're talking about mortars? Yeah. Yeah, mortars. I think we're talking about mortars? Yeah. Yeah, mortars.

I think we're talking about mortars. We should go shooting sometime. I'd be down. Yeah. I haven't shot since I was in Phoenix. But I feel like I have to be okay with the death of these animals because I'm eating hamburgers. I'm eating chicken wings.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Well, chickens. I mean, I could kill a chicken, no problem. You think so? Yeah. Just cut its head off, hold it head off there's so many chickens dude i don't know my in-laws have a bunch of chickens in their backyard i have chickens do you yeah where at i've always had no like my family's we've always had chickens my whole life it wasn't just like your back bathroom we've always had chickens and they get picked up by like the hawks

yeah and eagles or like your dog probably wants to kill them yeah not really oh your dog's a bitch stinky yeah that would actually probably kill anything else for some reason but not the chickens he's pretty good but they got a symbiotic relationship but one thing that i would be okay with though is lab grown meat if you could clone steaks i'd be okay with that i'd be fine with that i and but i think there's a lot of people who are like no yeah but you don't think there would be like any fucking i feel like that would just cause cancer at a rapid rate no they could make it clean this is something people are going to come around on i think that i think in 100 in 200 500 years you boys are blue pilled no people are going to look back on the killing of...

The liberals want us to eat the lab-grown meat. No, they want us to eat the fucking crickets. The bugs. The lab-grown meat. He would eat the bugs. He'd be the first to eat the bugs. I've had bugs. Yeah, of course you have.

I've had them. I've had bugs, too. I don't mind them. I had a whole scorpion on the Most Dangerous Game show. I remember I watched that. You were like a little bitch on that. No, the scorpion wasn't even that bad. The water bug was like, oh my God.

That's not fun. That's not fun. Because the scorpion was charbroiled. Because it was thick. I was happy not to have to eat anything crazy on that show. I was glad I got eliminated after I found out what the last thing was. What was it? Eating terrible shit.

Horrible. Like eyeballs. Horrible shit. Fucking disgusting shit. The most disgusting one was the first one. And it was just like, it wasn't even like, the taste was bad. But then watching like Vibs andy drink like the combination of bugs i was like oh oh my god i could gag right now thinking about it it was so gross do it brother yeah

that's not good for the pod but i think that in 500 years we could look back on uh that like killing the the killing of animals like the way that or culturally it could be looked back on the way that rule or like the way that like slaveries look back on like i can't believe we did that people have been eating animals since the beginning of time people have been enslaving people since they're the beginning of time that's true that's not good yeah i think people are gonna look back on i was saying this i was watching i was watching ball yesterday with my buddy jack and i was saying uh was beau there no beau lives in colorado and uh and i was saying i think people are gonna look back on football in 100 years and be like that

was fucking insane they'll look at it the way we look at gladiators yeah like that's crazy that they were doing that why everybody's padded dude there's been some i mean it's crazy those guys get fucking we were i was saying yesterday i think i don't think i think if i got hit by an nfl player once i think i would die instantly yeah i think my body would just shut it wouldn't be able to comprehend the level of pain it would just shut down if i were a quarterback and i stepped up in the pocket to make a big throw and i released it and right as i threw it that prescott yesterday 350 pound lin. Like your ribs are exposed? Yeah. Planted me and landed on me into the ground.

From that point on, I would be so scared to keep playing that way. Yes. You've got to be a tough sumbitch. That's what they said about Dak Prescott yesterday because that happened to him. They said that's the difference between good quarterbacks and bad quarterbacks is he was willing to take that hit to get the pass off.

Yeah. A lot of quarterbacks aren't. It's a guy's playing with no fear. I mean, he would have done great in Bastogne. Yeah, exactly. Some of the guys got fucking,

you know, they got a little bit scared in Bastogne. Yeah. A hundred percent. Battle of the Bulge. Did we ever find out a Battle of the Bulge?

It was not Battle of the Bulge. It wasn't? You looked it up? Yep. What did it say? It said a lot of people mistake Battle of Bastogne for being a

part of the battle of the bulge it's not they're separate yeah okay my word that actually happened stone no none of that none of that happened i never found out uh battle of the bulge oh uh the siege of bastone uh was an engagement in december of 1944 uh between american and german forces at the belgian town of bastone as part of the larger battle of the bulge there we go was an engagement in December of 1944 between American and German forces at the Belgian town of Bastogne as part of the larger Battle of the Bulge. There we go. And Patton went and saved the 101st,

but they said they didn't need to be saved. They said they never needed to be saved. Still this guy. They said that. That pussy Patton. Patton's a goddamn bitch. They did that General Dirty, though. I was reading up on...

I'm sorry, Lieutenant Dyke. Yeah, Lieutenant Dyke. Because I read about him, and he was like... Yeah, they fucking ruined him. Oh, he's the guy who cowers in the middle of the field. No, he was the one. That was Blythe. But, no, at Bastogne, he was also scared as fuck. He couldn't give the orders to everybody.

And then the guy runs all the way in. Yeah, yeah so what is his name shifty no shifty is the sniper no not shifty the guy who the new the guy they promote yes i'm sorry the guy they promote oh soples fucking yeah not so but they said that like he uh that guy also uh lieutenant dyke also served in the korean war yeah he like actually actually was decently decorated for some of his bravery during World War II. And then he was in the CIA later on in his life. He lived a relatively illustrious life. Oh, I thought he died. Yeah, that's also not true.

He died in Switzerland in the 80s. He moved to Switzerland because he was disgusted by war After experiencing it so much That's crazy Remember they take over that village After the Battle of the Bulge And they're like was it true about Dyke And they're like yeah I thought that meant he died

No it's just that he's a pussy Imagine being his ancestors Dude I said this exact same thing about Blythe Dude Blythe didn't even die And his whole part in the show Is to be a coward and then he dies and then he didn't even die in real life they got it fucked up patten was also a guy who in the korean war did some pretty bad shit yeah like what well you know who was oh never mind he he kind of went out on his own and disobeyed harry

truman's orders and then like went to the press and complained about the president it's it's a long story but he got plenty of time he was beloved for the fact that he did the the they made the maneuver to have them come up up the coast of korea and then intercept the the army i fucking love history but then from that point on he kind of like went on his own and just did whatever he wanted you ever uh watched the uh movie patent no you know what movie looks good is that napoleon movie yes that looks super good my grandfather was patent's flag lieutenant no way really yeah so with my grandfather that's not true there's only one he was the's flag lieutenant. No way. Really? Yeah. So was my grandfather.

That's not true. There's only one. He was the second flag lieutenant? That's fine. So he was my grandfather's flag lieutenant. Exactly. So he was underlinked to Francis Graham. If he had worked a little harder. We should take a break from this podcast and all join up for like four years and then come

back and it would be like the best podcast on earth. Yeah. We'd all be doing just fine yeah no me and francis would be uh like commanding officers you'd be not even close you'd be grunted yet he just said that as soon as he went into the military enlistment office they're like you got to go down the hallway because you're a college graduate you're going to be an officer you not a college graduate will be thrown on the front line yeah you jump out of a u-boat fucking dead right away heroes though you'd be enlisted the not educated boys yep that's right that's who i mean they they shouldn't be in the fucking they shouldn't be on the front lines should be you boys on the front lines your college educated you're supposed to be so smart

right you can't afford to lose us can't we need to be in the office With the snacks and the air conditioning Drawing up the plan The snacks Just like the generals eating goldfish Getting ready for fucking Kind bars I would kill it in the military Kind bars Like crumply ass nature valley bars

Like battle starts When the fucking nature valley bursts all over you The fuck Francis would be getting a shipment of croissants every single week. Yeah, hair dropped from the sky. And then,

and then those are commanding officer Ellis's croissants. And then hairball would come in to rat on the other like enlisted guys. And I would hand him a bag of Skittles as payment. What would I say? I don't even know what to be ratting out. He'd be like Suarez says he doesn't think you've got the guts. He says we need to move across the valley. It would definitely be Suarez.

Suarez says there's no chance you're going to pull this off. Yeah. CO Ellis. The men are talking. I just sit back and I don't engage. But Suarez, he's got a lot of people behind him. But would you be fine with the fact that the CO is getting his, like, we're going to be shit-talking you constantly?

He would execute Suarez. No. He would come out with a paintball gun from fucking short range. No. No, I mean, listen. This is exactly why I hire you to make sure you sit and watch the conversations and let me know if anything is being said negatively about it up the flagpole despite the fact that i've achieved an incredible

and illustrious career and have everything my heart desires but that's how you get i've got my own i've got my own office fuck that's how you become a ceo someday you know who really sucks in band of brothers have you finished it no i'm on episode seven. Is Tom Hanks' son in it yet? What is his name? Yeah, Tom Hanks. Is he in it yet? No, I haven't met him yet. Oh, he sucks.

Stop, bro. I loved Orange County. He's a West Point boy in the show. Well, there you have it. Do you know that Chet Hanks is in Your Honor? No, but I know he's in Curb Your Enthusiasm. Yes, he's preposterous in Your Honor. Your Honor.

That show sucked, by the way. Really? I liked it. Did you like it? I liked it. It was fucking crazy. enthusiasm yes he's preposterous in your honor that show sucked by the way really i like did you like it i liked it it was fucking crazy i mean it's just so melodramatic yeah it's like let's create a love triangle here and then let's add let's connect the tip of that to this thing and then a lot of it's like yo how did how did b Cranston go from Malcolm in the Middle to Breaking Bad to playing Lyndon Baines Johnson on Broadway and then making a biopic about him to then taking on a role that to me was a little under his...

Do you remember six episodes into Your Honor when people just randomly start wearing masks? Yeah. It was like in code. Yeah, COVID happens. But it softly happens in the show. They don't actually talk about it, but the whole courtroom's just suddenly wearing masks.

I saw that. I remember that. Do you remember in 2019 when it looked like it was at a fucking picnic, and there was a group of white people that got on their knees in front of black people? Yeah i just saw that video the other day oh dude it's crazy have you seen this video they apologized it's like it's like a it's like probably like 10 black people and like 30 white dudes and women and they're all sitting on their knees like crying

as the black people just like stand with their arms crossed like looking down on them i've never seen like 10 more minutes. It's so funny. I mean, I can't even watch back my old comedy sets. How can I watch myself? Sublocating. It is hilarious. Dude, 2020 was fucking nuts.

It was so funny. Even just scrolling back on just random people's Instagrams for the way that they were posting, just filming protests going on outside their like businesses and being like yeah yep that this is what we're doing it's like dude you're not even in the protest with them but you're like pridefully it was just such a fucking funny ass time it was it was very hard not to get caught up in it day i got hired at barstool was when the black square thing came out.

And I was like, and Gaz was like, you can hold off on announcing anything if you want. Because it was like the whole timeline was just like fundraisers for Black Lives Matter, like all this shit. And then I'm supposed to cop on the timeline and be like, hey, guys, big news. I just got hired at Barstool Sports. It was invisible ink in your Black Square. I waited like two weeks to say that I was working there. Zoom in for a surprise.

Did you guys post a black square? No. I didn't. I took a video of Godfrey roasting me and posted that. Really? Yeah. That's how these content. It was funny.

It was funny. I was just like, this is my world. This is what I experienced. I definitely was posting links and shit, though, trying to be a hero. You were? Oh, 100%. That's kind of how I was at that point in my life. Gotcha.

People were like, thank fucking God, Sass did this. Thank God one white man will step up. And that's what settled everything. Well, I mean, clearly that whole movement really flipped the whole table because you know i got pulled over this morning yeah true but for nothing the power dynamics are because i was born this way out of whack yeah it's because i look a certain way because you were born into a tesla yeah the incubator of the tesla is the tesla the tesla chooses you you can't help it well he probably he honestly probably wound up giving you the ticket

because you said it was a 23 yeah true all right what because you said it was a 23 not an 18 this is 23 fresh out of the lot i'm gonna have to write you up you know that you're falsifying a report to an officer or he's like this kid in Ford. He just bought a brand new Tesla. It wasn't a new Tesla. I bought it used. You know you're obstructing. And it's a 2018. It's a 2018.

You're lucky you didn't have that fucking, that steering wheel that's like two handles. I know. If you had that, you would have been in prison right now. I know. You would have been calling me being like, not going to be able to make it.

Should we go? Should we go to the court and contest it? Should we do a live stream from the court? If they have Ethernet, we could. I'll represent you like Bertram Cates. I'll be like a 30s lawyer. Your Honor, the man is innocent. My client here is innocent, and let me detail why.

Why are we, if not man? Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I ask you. Commanding Officer Ellis, step to the stage. What is speeding, if not the pursuit of the future, in acceleration? Let me see that thing. Rip it up. Light it on fire. I listened to a podcast this week.

This is what podcasting is all about. Talking about other podcasts. I shouldn't even say that was a podcast. I learned about the legalization of drugs in Oregon. Bless you. I learned about the legalization of drugs in oregon bless you i learned about the legalization of drugs in oregon how they legalize heroin yeah yeah they're there they've made that they made it legal two years ago so it's like you can be in possession of it you can smoke meth in front of a police officer and all he can do is give you a citation and they're starting to regret it because it's like corrosive to everything that they're trying to do and some people will get a citation and they're starting to regret it because it's like corrosive to everything that

they're trying to do and some people will get a citation like this and they'll roll it up in front of the officer and smoke it they'll light it on fire and inhale it in front of the officer and i just think that it is very interesting to see the uh the repercussions because in theory you're like oh drugs are a public health thing addiction is public health but then in practice like there is no way to treat it as a public health thing at least in their experience in the last two years in oregon yeah i mean it wasn't the theory always that if you decriminalize to a certain extent that would mean you could create better systems of like clean needle centers yeah i think it was also supposed to bring down crime and as a yeah make it make

it happen less in the shadows and then there you could you could have narcan narcan for people and like actually help people with overdoses and stuff yeah my mom sent me a like uh like ads for like narcan and like what what is the other one? She's like, just in case you guys ever need this. I was like, what the fuck do you think I'm doing? What do you think my lifestyle is like? Fentanyl test strips. You ever get those?

I did use those one time. That seems smart. Brother, you used those within the last 72 hours. No. That's the problem. Talking about what would i need narcan for i did for the fucking hard drugs that you're doing i did uh man you're popping oxys on the regular no i saw the but i was telling you guys before

that i saw the uh this report that uh weed is like it accelerates. Yeah, it's bad for your heart. Or like there's a higher percentage chance of heart disease. So I tried to avoid it, wound up not doing a great job of it. But for the last couple days, I have been avoiding it. And it's just fucking boring is all it is. It's not like that hard to do, but it's just fucking boring. And it has me just seeking

out so i'm like doing wim hof being like and let me just like yeah do something or i i was like buying ice from fucking dumbo market and making ice baths for myself and shit just to just to feel alive a little bit you gotta start playing video games you think so you're talking like you gotta replace that addiction with another addiction that's i mean the video game addiction is kind of like a genetic thing i think i think you got to be born with it but dude i i played so fortnite read down they came back with like the og fortnite maps the old settings so people like it's like i think it was like last sunday it was like four million people were playing it at once currently right, right. And I played on Tuesday. And then just as soon as I got back into video games, it was like the like, stop drinking.

I was like going home right after my sets being like, I gotta go home and play video games. Sorry, guys. Yeah, dude, it's you replace one thing with the other. And I think video games are way healthier than drinking 20 beers a night. When you play this many video games, when you're going to sleep at night, are you seeing in your head? See that? Yeah. I don't like many video games, when you're going to sleep at night, are you seeing in your head? See that? Yeah.

I don't like that. Yeah, I don't like it either. It's a bad feeling. That happens very like when I play a lot of chess. Yeah, it's a bad feeling. You see like Queen 10. You see a board or Mario Kart. I've seen this happen.

Wait, so you're saying that you have PTSD for the video games? Not PTSD. It's just, it's as if the board is, or the map or whatever is kind of burned into my brain. When I see it flitting around my head. Yeah, I had it bad on Friday night. Friday night I was in a dark place. Because Friday I played video games the whole day. Like the whole day. And then I left to go to the stand and i hadn't

like i hadn't been outside i hadn't seen the sun and i was walking to the stand and there was a lot of huffing and puffing coming for me a lot of just deep sighs why just like just because dude it was just like it get when you play for that long it becomes more just like a chore but you're like well if i turn it off i'm gonna regret turning it off and then i'm gonna have nothing to do so you kind of stick it out you usually end up playing for like an hour too long and that last hour really takes a toll on the mental health and then you're walking around you're like while you're playing you know well while you're playing and then after you get off and you're like i should not have played for that long that was just pointless how many hours do you play for uh dude friday i i

played for i probably played for like three hours four hours before the stand and then i probably played for another three after god damn yeah just at night until the sun comes up yeah but that's when it's fun so you need narcan yeah but it i don't know i enjoy it so who cares right just having to do having to get a shot in the chest that's always the right answer well i mean i could be doing worse so who cares could be doing worse things sound like the boys out in oregon smoking up the citations well no that's the thing like i could be fucking getting shit faced but instead i'm not so that my brain is some sharper than ever no you're rotting your brain five days no beer by jumping twisted towers i haven't even had the urge to drink a beer i i had nightmares last night

yeah dude that's because weed does that to people i had like old-fashioned nightmares where like something was chasing me yeah everyone that i know that smokes weed the amount that you smoke weed they stop smoking weed for one day and then they go into like a mental psychosis i mean i think i'm pretty fine outside of that yeah we'll see give it a couple more days you just said for one day you're gonna be wait you're gonna be sleepwalking into francis's apartment in the middle of the night yeah and you know what i'd welcome him smoking resin bowls at 4 a.m big old joint yeah yeah we get right back on the wagon there have you been having trouble falling asleep i couldn't sleep last night oh dude you're a mess no but i mean i'm gonna i'm gonna go back to smoking tomorrow yeah yeah but it's just like uh

it's just like okay that it wasn't hard to not do it was just boring yeah yeah that's been son of a boy dad uh we're ending it right here? Are we? Oh, we can if you want. Oh, no, it's up to you. Well, you kind of took charge and decided to call it quits. Oh, sometimes I jump the gun. I was like, we were mid-convo. No, sorry.

Yeah, no, forgive me. Keep going. No, we can end it. No, no, no, no, no, no. The camera's going to have a bunch of technical problems anyway if we keep going. Oh. And we've been going for an hour 20. Oh, fuck yeah. Yeah, we're good.

All right, thank you guys for listening. Oh, shit. I'll be in St. Louis This weekend Please buy tickets to that And come see me Please It'll be fun Please

And Francis is going to be In Arlington, Virginia This weekend Arlington, Virginia So go buy tickets to see him You can find my tickets At lilsasquatchwebsite.com FrancisEllis.com

And I'm actively I'm actively looking for A time suck pursuit To take all of my attention So I can Peel my eyes away From the crippling depression of life. All right, guys. Thank you for watching.

We'll see you guys on Wednesday. Thank you. Bye.