Son of a Boy Dad - False Alarms | Son of a Boy Dad #279

Episode Date: February 27, 2025

False Alarms | Son of a Boy Dad #279 -- Ad-free yapping with Harry, Adam & Francis -- Follow us on our socials: https://linktr.ee/sonofaboydad -- Merch: https://store.barstoolsports.com/collections/son-of-a-boy-dad -- SUBSCRIBE TO THE YOUTUBE #SonOfABoyDad #BarstoolSportsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, son of a boy, dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. All right, we get to go. Sweet. Please don't put any of that. The show's been doing... What? Pause me ripping. I forgot that the podcast rankings were a thing. And I just randomly looked. It's like 28.

Oh really? Cause I tried looking the other day and we were like 160. Cause it was like really early in the morning. And then I forgot to check. The YouTube? Yeah. Holy shit. From this year or oh yeah it's all getting like it's like 35k an episode pretty much if not more okay yeah let's keep going why the hell not we found some clips are working arguments are working the argue Lord's already yep already welcome back to the son of a boy dad podcast.

Today it's February 26th. It's 2 30 p.m. Francis came in this morning and he was like, do I have five minutes to throw up? Yeah. He was like, and it's perfect for like the stories that he does because he was just like I Just I made short rib for dinner a couple nights ago And this morning I ate the rest of my short rib and then drank all the juices from the bottle my short rib And then by the time he got to work, he was pulling trigger making himself

I threw up. I really did this isn't like a this isn't like I almost threw up. I dry heaved. I had four upheavals. Tommy said that he heard it. So Francis was in the private bathroom and Tommy said he heard it in the other bathroom, which means it was going through the duct. Yeah, I'm sure. I knew the whole... I took an Uber in this morning. I'm going to the airport later and that's why I had to eat this. I cooked short rib on Sunday. Actually, I cooked it on Saturday over five hours. And then short rib is a really low and slow kind of braised whatever. And really took my time with it. And then I let it sit overnight so that I could scoop the layer of fat off, which condenses the gravy and makes it even

more flavourful and then reheated it the next day and had some. If you've never had short rib before, it's kind of like a once in a blue moon dish. So it's the heaviest food that you can have. It's tough to eat. I really have a hard time eating it. I guess I have a sensitive stomach, especially to really rich fatty red meat. So... a sensitive stomach, especially to really rich, fatty red meat. So. Yeah, because you puked in the bathroom

after you ate steak on that flight. Yeah, I did. Oh, in Chicago after eating the steak. Yeah. Maybe you're allergic to red meat. Well, that was a lot of booze, too. And that was just like a huge meal. Yeah, but most people don't just projectile vomit

after a big meal. But I induce it, because I know I feel feel awful and I'll feel better if I do. He's had his hand in his mouth for a long time. It's... That's like borderline... It's highly functioning bulimia. Yeah. Like in there...

So you didn't have to throw up. You were just like, I'll feel better if I throw up. Yeah. I felt so bad that I wouldn't have felt better unless I threw up. And I have a flight today, a long flight. Like I'm not facing that. But I mean, it does seem like a disorder.

It seems like it's very under control. Yeah, yeah. It's ordered throwing up. I mean, that's fucking crazy. It's a skill. I think it's a skill. Why not just like Papa Tums? Feel better in like three minutes.

Tums helps with heartburn and stuff. Tums helps with everything. Pepto-Bismol helps with everything. Pepto helps with everything. Nargile heartburn, indigestion of systemic diarrhea. If you take like an Imodium and a Tums, you're good. Imodium stops you from having diarrhea, but I don't have diarrhea. But it helps with nausea too.

Well, I don't want to stop myself up. Oh,a too. Well, I don't wanna stop myself up. Oh, I do. I wanna get it out. I try to stop it all the time. Francis was pulling full chunks of short rib out of his throat like a dog who swallowed a tennis ball. Gross. Yeah, yeah.

It was like I was clearing a drain of cat hair. Gross. He just stuck a drain snake down his throat. I'm curious about the mentality because I, this is the way I think. And I cooked all this short rib, I cooked five pounds of short rib. That was what the recipe called for.

And I cooked it for me and a friend. And we ate one eighth of it on the first night. Five LBs is a lot. And then I brought home the rest. I had five more ribs, full ribs, gigantic ribs, just sitting in this pool of mirepoix and gravy. Just thyme, sprigs, garlic, you know. And I'm trying to tell this story fast,

but I'm a little delirious right now from throwing up. I- You threw up like four hours ago. I fast, but I'm a little delirious right now from throwing up. I- You threw up like four hours ago. I know, but it shook me. It shook me to my core. He was covered in sweat when he came out. My eyes were bloodshot. I'm sure.

Yeah, his eyes were watering. I looked like I lost someone. If I threw up, I would have just gone home. We know. But I also don't throw up. If you were on the verge of throwing up, you never would have left home. Yes, but that's like, I think that's not like weird.

Well, again, this isn't flu. It's not illness. It's just I made a mistake. I made a mistake. So that's the other thing. So I eat the short rib because I know I'm leaving today and if I don't eat the short rib, I'm gonna have to throw it out.

I hate wasting food. I spent so much time cooking this fucking thing that I said to myself, you know what? I'm just gonna eat it for breakfast. I'm gonna eat short rib at 8 a.m. That is not a food you should start your day with. It's probably toxic that early in the morning until you've had something else to coat your stomach with. On an empty stomach, short rib on an empty stomach is how the Boston bomber did his thing.

You would never be able to do the carnivore diet. I had a double iced oat milk latte with short rib. Yeah, that's not good. For breakfast. Coffee and short rib in red wine gravy. Yeah, and I should have had like a couple cracker, even if you had like two saltines before you had short ribs.

They would have neutralized everything. There's so much fat in short ribs, it's crazy. So I eat it, immediately I don't feel good, but I think maybe if I balance it out by drinking some of the gravy, so I tip the bowl, I drink the gravy to try to wash it through, that didn't help. Yeah, I'm not surprised. Because now the gravy is infused with the fat. Yeah. And there's plenty of fat in the gravy to try to wash it through. That didn't help. Yeah, I'm surprised.

The gravy is infused with the fat. Yeah. There's plenty of fat in the gravy. It's rendered. I'm dumping on top of the clock, basically. And I have to take an Uber because I have bags going to the airport. And the guy was just one of those guys.

You know? I know what you mean, yeah. One of the guys who, when we get to a traffic stop, he wants to- He wants to get as close to the car in front of him as possible. Exactly, he's doing that thing where it's like, you know they say that you can take half of something infinitely? Yeah. Yeah.

It's like a paradox. Yeah. You'll never get to the- Except for an atom. He was taking half the distance to the next, he's taking half the distance to the next car and then half that by taking his foot off the pedal and just, I don't even know if he knew he was doing it. Here's how bad it was.

I said something. Yeah, I'm sure you didn't like that. You probably ramped it up an extra. I blamed it on myself. You said I'm a you didn't like that. You probably ramped it up an extra. I blamed it on myself. You said I'm a bit sick right now? I said, I'm so sorry. I have a very sensitive stomach. And he handed you the Google Translate.

And I'm not feeling that well. He spoke pretty good English. And I said, I'm not feeling that well. Is there any chance that you could be a little, you know, mindful of the accelerator gas, sort of staccato drum beat that you're playing with your kick drum. You're playing kick drum with the gas pedal.

It was just pulling the brake. And then he goes, oh yeah, no problem. And then we get to the next light and he goes, you know, it's these new cars. They start moving when you take your foot off the gas. And I was like, I think that's been the way for a long time. 20 years at least. That's not new. Yeah. He was taught it was as if I like he was like that's

why it's annoying right? You take your foot off the brake? When you take your foot off the brake the car starts moving forward he was like can you believe it? That's like with uh that's like physics. It's the it's cars. It's the physics. It's cars. It's the wheel. It's the automobile. It's what the wheel does. It's the automobile. That might have been his first time driving. Bro, he said that and I was like, oh, yeah, it's crazy, right?

I had to let him have it. I was the same face. But he's like, I always have to remember to really keep my foot on the brake. So eventually I got here and then by that time I was completely car sick. Did you ever think about getting out? I had bags. How many bags?

I had a roller. Golf and ski. I had a ski bag of boots and then I had a fucking backpack. Is your ski bag of boots one of those big ass backpacks Those are sick Yeah, I had those two so I I also have one Are you serious? Yeah, no way my full tilt boots. Well, you said it was sick because you have one Yeah, I remember being like I really wanted one when I was younger and I got one for Christmas. I was pumped

Yeah, and it's still it's stayed cool. It's still sick. It is cool Yeah, because boots go on the side. It's on the side Traditional bag usually I didn't even have a bag before that you stuff your socks into the boots safe space No, I wear my ski socks and then I would have any pairs. What do you mean? You only bring one pair of ski socks for a ski trip? Oh no, for like a day. Oh, you're doing day trips. I'm surprised you're bringing a boot bag on a day trip.

Everywhere that you go skiing, is it like ski in, ski out? This is ski, ski in, ski out. Do you know what that means? Yeah, like when you're staying on the mountain. Right, but... I'm going out. You still have to like drive,

like I would have to like drive to the mountain. I grew up doing that and then you'd go home. So I see what you mean. You're absolutely right. Wear your ski socks, all that. But I'm doing like weekend trips so I need multiple pairs of ski socks and all that. Yeah, yeah. I just put those in like the, you'd put that in the roller.

I see. It is ski in, ski out though. It is? Yeah. That's sick. I've only ever done that once. Yeah. You have to try. It's the best way to see the mountain.

It's just great. You just step right onto the trail. Yeah, but it's not as cool as they make it. You think that you're stepping onto the trail and you're on the top of the mountain. To me, it's the equivalent if you were to buy a ski home and you had ski in, ski out versus, oh, it's just a 10 minute drive, is like buying a beach house where you are on the fucking beach and have a view of the ocean versus seven houses back. And it's like an eight minute walk to the beach. That's the equivalent.

Well, no, it definitely is the equivalent. But I don't think, like where I grew up skiing, like they didn't, like ski in, ski out wasn't even an option because the mountain wasn't big enough. Yeah, yeah. Dude, I grew up skiing at Shawnee Peak. Yeah. You know? There's not that many, like I think like maybe Sunday River

probably has ski in, ski out. We, you know, Shawnee Peak, we didn't even have fucking avalanche controls, just meth labs exploding mid mountain that would send chutes clear. What do we think about doing a ski competition? Flips, grinds, rails? Not no. No, I don't want to do that. What about just packing a ski bag efficiently? That would be fun, I could do that. Yeah, there we go. Yeah, best backpacker. I just want to finish this. So I get out and then I come in and I'm like, yeah,

I won't be able to get on with my day unless I throw up. That's how nauseous I am. So I go in the bathroom and induce my vomiting. Violently. I think I would have like a panic attack if I had to throw up here. I don't know what I would do. When I throw up, it takes me a good 30 minutes

to actually like work up the courage to do it. I've gotten through that. At this point in my life, I just know I have to do this. Bear down. Yeah. Suck it up. You will feel better. You feel so much better so fast once you get the demon out

of your body. I will say it's definitely you feel better more quickly if you need to do it from drinking. Sober throwing up is awful. Dude, throwing up when you're drunk is just like spitting. It's like peeing. It's like getting a sneeze out. Yeah.

Because you're getting liquid out. You don't even think about it. Throwing up solids. You've got to bleed the old stomach. Dude, I have the amount of bars that I threw up in and just like went back and ordered another beer right after. Yeah, let's go poultry, delete a beer.

Don't tell anybody. Dude, it comes out so clean that you could fill it up for someone and not feel bad. Yeah, easily. And you feel fresh afterwards. Yeah. Like, mother, what? Dude, I've thrown up in like, I threw up in like comedy clubs and then just like went and like hung out with people right at

Like just went right back to the table with that throw up breath. Yeah. No, I probably just get another beer have beer breath Yeah at that point you need another beer to erase the throw up breath. It's nice. Yeah Yeah, something like a alien IPA something rich. Yeah, which something like an IPA, something rich, which will lead to death. All right. Well, I have a completely different thing I need to talk about because this is fucking bananas. Something happened to me yesterday, something bad, something very bad happened to me. Okay. Only good things happened to me yesterday. I had a really bad day. The universe just decided it was my day of reckoning. But I'm only gonna tell one part of it. I got-

I wanna hear the rest of it. I wanna hear the shit that's too hot for TV. I got pulled over by a police officer on a bicycle. I was city biking and he was on his feet. You don't have to stop. I got a ticket, right here, that is $330.

Is that a scroll? Look at that, look at that fucking ticket. Why is it so big? I don't know. Did he print that out for you in person? Did you get a ticket out of his car? He printed it out of his car. He's got one of those new cars.

One of those ones that you gotta keep the foot on the brake the whole time. Yeah, but when you take it off, it actually prints gigantic tickets. And then you let it off, it stops it. Then you gotta take it off again, it starts burning again. If you get a ticket in America,

you should have to like wear it on you. Like it's the Scarlet letter all day. I don't mind that. Don't mind that take at all. There should be a little rope on top of that for you to put it around your neck. That thing would keep it warm. Wear it around.

And he could curl up under that for the wintery months. They hit me with NYC bicycle red light, $190. And then they also hit me with disobeyed traffic control device, $138. Feels a little redundant. What did you disobey? Here's the story. I was biking up 6th Avenue to get a haircut.

I was on a city bike, e-bike, in the bike lane, right? Of course. I'm at 6th Ave and 58th Street. Going which way? North. So two blocks south of Central Park. One block south of 59th, which is where you got to. So two blocks south of Central Park. One block south of 59th, which is where you got to go across because it's in Central Park. Which is the right way.

You're going with traffic. I'm with traffic and I'm in the bike lane. So 58th goes, I think it goes east or it goes west to east. Right? Right past the Fox News building? Yep. Past Rockefeller Center, past, you know, all that stuff. It's a very rock. It's a very busy. Shout out Shane. Yeah. Very busy. Did you have like a little

nod when you were when you were driving by, maybe ring the bell a couple of times? For They were in there. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm going up and you know, I get to 58th. I think it was 50th, maybe it was 57th, but I think it was 58th. And I'm on the left side of 6th Avenue, right? Of course. The cars are gonna come from left to right. I see yellow, I'm close. I thought I had the yellow. Brother, you're on a bike.

Also I checked. There was a ton of pedestrians that were just starting to cross 58th street, which meant that there was no chance the cars were going to start going on the second of their light, right? I had a wall, I had a human shield of pedestrians. So I said, okay, fuck it, I'll go. I went, the second I got through 58th Street, still on sixth ave, a guy steps out from in front of his cop car, like one of the SUVs,

and goes like this. He gave me the beckon. Hand up, come here. What did he square up with you? Was he right in front of you? He was standing right in front of me. So you couldn't have swerved. Dude, in hindsight, I could have done anything

to not get this ticket. Yeah, you could have just kept going. I could have done anything to not get this ticket. Yeah, you could have just kept going. I could have gone anywhere. I could have dumped the bike and run. Yeah. It's such heavy traffic at that hour. I could have gone anywhere. They can't chase me in a cop car. No. I could have gone into Central Park, hit behind the horses, climbed a tree. Yeah.

Got in the back of one of the horsey buggy things in Central Park, like Kevin McAllister in Home Alone. I could have rubbed dirt from Central Park on my face and asked people for a cup of hot soup. Yeah, you could have just gotten a cab too. Not a bad idea. Yeah. Any of the above. The issue would have been that my charge on my e-bike

would have continued to. But you just circled the block way to the guy who was. I would spin the block. Spin the block, dock the bike. Because I've gotten these tickets before. I've gotten these tickets before and our security guys who used to be cops were like, you know you don't have to stop for them.

Yeah. You know if a cop stops you, you can just like keep going. If you're on a bike? Yeah. There's two interesting things. The cop was black. That makes sense. And he was black. That makes sense.

And he was short. And kind looking, he was kindly. Okay. So you thought that you were gonna get a... It was the opposite of police brutality. I had a black police officer gently waving me down on a bicycle to scold me for running a barely a red light. I thought you were allowed to run.

I've run red lights constantly. Buddy, they're cracking down. You're about to get- Well, you know why. George Floyd. Exactly. What is the answer to that? Because they're probably just scooping up the Uber Eats drivers and shipping them away.

Great point, which leads me to this. They already had another guy. Yeah. His bike was, he was a Grubhub driver and I'm just going to call him Senegalese. Okay. That makes sense. I think that's less racist than saying he was from Africa, but I knew he was from Senegal.

Senegal. Yeah. Because I have that intuition. So he's waiting on his, in his really strong- Oh yeah. Motorcycle. Basically. Yeah, it's a motorcycle. And he's not bothered by this. They're already running his license in the car. So this cop has a partner, he's in the car. That guy is also a black police officer. So they're running it. And the guy says to me something like, you know, do you understand that you're not, you understand what you did, right? You understand that you, why would you run the light and make those cars wait. You held up traffic. And I just immediately was like,

you're absolutely right, I did the wrong thing, I'm sorry. Compitulated. I thought that being, you know, Contrait. Giving him what he wanted would be maybe where he would be like, all right, well next time, don't let me catch you again, get on with ya. He wanted to fight though.

Well, then he asked for my license. And then he took it into the car. And then the first, then I'm, now I'm having a conversation with the Grubhub guy. And I go- This is fucking bullshit. I go, I go, has this happened to you before? And he goes, many times.

And then I go, are they gonna give us a ticket? And he goes, yes. And I go, is it expensive? And he goes, it's not that bad. And they brought out, the other cop brought out his license and his ticket and goes, don't lie, don't lie. And the guy was like, so, so, so.

And then the cop was like, you said you didn't have your license, we knew you did. Next time you have your license on you and we ask for it, you better give it to us. You were going the wrong way. You were going the wrong way. You were going the wrong way. He was going the wrong way in the bike lane. Yeah, yeah.

On a motorcycle basically. Yeah. So I'm immediately, I'm like, well, this infraction is way worse than mine. Yeah. I'm going with traffic. I went through a yellow, whatever. So that guy goes off

and I think he looked at the fine and was like, whatever. So are those guys making like a shit ton of money? I was like, what am I not, why am I not riding a bike for Uber Eats or whatever? $330 is no big deal to you and you've had multiple of these? What the fuck? I'll pay it, no problem. Give me yours too. Yeah. No problem, I take care of it. What the fuck? I'll pay it, no problem. Give me yours too.

No problem, I'll take care of it. Yeah. So, uh, okay, then my guy comes out. And at this point, I'm like, you know what? I've had time to think about this. I've never talked back to a cop in my whole life.

I don't really agree with this one. Yeah, you threw the challenge flag. And I'm like, I'm not going to be a dick, but I'm going to have a conversation. So the guy comes out, gives me back my license. He starts walking me through the ticket, tells me it's $330. I didn't know at this time how much it was going to be. And I go, oh. And he goes, well, look. And I go, can I just say, I thought I was on the yellow. Are there cameras around that intersection? And he gave me this long-winded answer that felt like total bullshit. But he's got a body cam. Yeah, but he didn't have to throw the lights on,

so the body cam's off. If he has the body cam off, I feel like you have a good case. Well, I'm definitely contesting this. Do you have a... Did he flick the lights on the car? No. He gave me a hand... Cam's off. Cam's off. And then this. But more importantly... That's an illegal pullover. He doesn't have the light on his body cam

because it was coming from the other direction. So how does he even know what he saw? He doesn't. He, I think, was probably going off of the pedestrian walk signal. But remember, there's always a couple seconds difference between traffic light and pedestrian walk signal. When it just turns red and you're on the bike, you can go, because you've got like four seconds. Yeah. Fucking, fucking tyrant. Sounds like he's a tyrant to me.

I said, I said, I'll be honest, I really thought I was going... I might have even said, you know, officer, just, I said, I'll be honest. I really thought I was going. I might've even said, you know, officer, just, I really respect you guys, but I really thought I was on the yellow there. And I had a wall of pedestrians that were just starting to cross. So there was no car that was going to go. And he goes, two weeks ago, I would have given every single one of them a jaywalking ticket, but the city voted that we are not supposed to give those people tickets anymore. This is a pedestrian city now, which means we've turned our focus to you guys.

Bikers. They would not have given everybody a fucking jaywalking ticket. It was like the Epcot center had been let out. Nationality, every height, every different color of person, there's no chance that guy's printing out 12 J walking tickets. There's no way he's even gonna be able to stop them.

No. It's like when people rush the field and there's like a security guard in front of them like tackling one person. So he said, he said the reason we're being so vigilant about this now, especially on this intersection is because this is one of the most dangerous intersections in the city.

And a month ago, in fact, a biker got hit, T-boned by a car coming through, doing exactly what you're doing and he died. And I was like, okay, you know. They love dropping that. Yeah. I've had that dropped on me know. They love dropping that. Yeah. I've had that dropped on me. You know what happened here?

Yeah. Eight months ago? No. How would I ever know that? How would I have any idea what happened here eight months ago? Yeah. So I, by the way, I'm wearing a Brunello vest,

one that I bought at the sample sale. I'm on a bike and you know I kind of feel this is such a busy part of New York. There's a part of me that wondered if he didn't pull me over to hedge against racial profiling of the first guy. 100% I've been the second man in on a bike pullover before. That was my initial thought. They always pull over a honky just to kind of. We don't work even handed. Yeah.

In case there's a photograph. Equal justice. We don't see color. You know? Yeah. But they pull over the whitest white guy. They pulled over a Clydesdale. They collared fucking a Kennedy on an E-bike.

Yeah. And. It's disrespectful. They got me. And. You have to take it to court. I'm-bike. Yeah. And they got me. And you have to take it to court. I'm going to. Absolutely. You should wear the Ray-Ban glasses when you're in.

He told me it's going to take a couple of days for it to show up in the system. We had a nice conversation. Yeah, West 58th Street Avenue of the Americas. Do you have a friend of police card? I do, but oh my god. Then he tried to placate me. He goes, look, the good news is it's

not going to be points on your license since you weren't in a car. And I was like, dude, I know. Yeah, obviously. There was no party that worried that this was gonna be points on my fucking driver's license. Don't worry, you're not gonna spend any time in jail. Don't worry, it's not gonna be murder one for you. You're not gonna have to go back to driver's ed. I was pretty

I don't understand the license thing though. Like what do you you don't need your what if you didn't have your license? Then they can't do anything. Yeah. And that's why the guy probably said he didn't have his license. He did. And they're like, and they called him what they searched him. Yeah, illegal. I mean, legal search and seizure. I guess they pulled you over for a reason. They can search you.

But they didn't pull you over, really. Bicycle. Description narrative. Bicycle failed to yield to vehicle slash pedestrian at red light NYC. 330. Yeah. Must plead guilty or not guilty within 15 days.

Adams must be in trouble. I'm going to hit this. Adams is going to. Adams is going to. He's going to Turkey. World of debt. No, Adams is going first class off Francis' dime. People say, cause then I went to my haircut and at the-

You were talking about it at the barber shop. Well, I was 15 minutes late for my haircut because of this. The guy was reading me the rules of- He was reading your rights. You know, the constitution. Yeah. He went fucking deep. Well, this guy doesn't know the constitution

if he's doing a fucking unlawful stop and frisk like that. He didn't frisk me. Frisked the biker. Frisked the Senegalese, bro. I wonder. He probably took that guy's food. What's for lunch? Ha ha ha ha.

I'm sure we could work something out here. Was that Thai? Yeah. Me and my partner are actually pretty hungry. No spoon? What'd you pick up the most recently? Yeah, yeah. It's still warm in there.

None of it? So yeah, so that happened to me yesterday. I was late, and then they said at the barbershop, they were like, dude, this, first of all, it's the end of the month. Yeah, quotas. So they are nabbing everyone to hit their quotas or whatever.

Secondly, apparently there's like all kinds of new traffic laws that have gone into effect as a result of congestion. Well, I was gonna say, maybe it's because they, didn't they reverse the congestion? They haven't, yeah. They haven't done it yet. That's like in the process. Trump's trying to reverse it, but they're fighting it.

But apparently coming in through the tunnel this morning, they were just like fully waving people over at coming in through the tunnel this morning, they were just like fully waving people over at the end of the tunnel and having them get out of their cars, putting them in the paddy wagon in handcuffs and then towing their cars. For what reason? Bro, I don't know. They said that the guy at the barbershop was like, I saw a woman get out of her car and she was embarrassed to be seen in handcuffs. So they let her put her coat over her hands

before they put her into the paddy wagon. Like Aaron Hernandez walking out of his house. Like a t-shirt. Yeah, are they driving on the sides of the tunnel like in Men in Black? You know what it probably was is probably, someone probably switched lanes in the tunnel. I guess guess I don't know what offense could be so bad about. I've seen a cop do that. Did somebody go into the tunnel get out of their car and

like open the valve? I don't know that's getting pulled over right out of the tunnel. And handcuffed. Handcuffs is nuts. Is that ice? I don't know I didn't ask about that. I can't imagine. I don't ask but I can't imagine I don't think so. I can't imagine like the hotspot for ice is the commute from the fucking Holland tunnel It's probably those lax ass Jersey laws they get into New York and track down true right coast Yeah, this this pissed me off it pissed me off because I could have avoided it by just you know going like that And the amount of money and I don't know. That's crazy. That's got to be infuriating.

If I'm you, I'm so fucking pissed off. Well, you said you've gotten these before. I wasn't that much and I got it for headphones. I got it for headphones and running and stop sign, but I wasn't even in an intersection I was alongside of a park oh I know where that is so fucking infuriating there's no cars that can go through there's no one that can go through I didn't even know that I genuinely didn't know that that was illegal like I I've I've I think I've gone on gone the red light like wow there's cops standing there you don't say anything dude I will say cuz then I biked the rest of the night all over the place

It made me realize how many fucking laws I break on oh, yeah, like I all of a sudden I was like, oh I could have gotten hit for that. Oh, yeah, I probably shouldn't have done that I'm like when you do driver's ed and they're like they're like when you're in a parking lot any You guys ever heard this like when you're in a parking lot technically, I don't know if it's everywhere Maybe it's just Massachusetts, but it's like every Spot that you cross over like, you know If you're in a big empty parking lot and you're kind of just like I'm just gonna sail right through this up to the front Spot if it's like empty

Every single spot that you cross over illegally is like a hundred dollars per spot. I Did not know that so they could get you for like you say say you just barrel through ten spots as a grand Is that why my dad when I was a child would enter a grocery store? Parking lot and choose to park as far away from the doors of the grocery store as possible Yeah, and it's just like a weird dad thing he did that and it would drive me my dad did that too Well, my dad one time my dad were in a Honda pilot You don't need space between us in the next car We were and I was can't be worth less.

When I was in eighth grade, we went on like a, like the whole grade goes on a field trip to like some fucking place in Western Mass. Wait, I just need to add, we had a Honda Element, not a Honda Pilot. Honda Pilots are nice. Got it. Yeah, sorry, keep going.

But when we, it was like three days, and you're like in these like cabins and shit with like your whole grade, and it sucks. It's not fun. It's like you're at camp, but you're like in these like cabins and shit with like your whole grade and it sucks It's not fun. It's like it's like you're at camp, but you're at school like your teachers are there You still have to do schoolwork and shit. It sucks. I think it was called nature's classroom and on the way the way back it was like a four-hour bus trip to get back and The whole time I'm like, I cannot fucking wait to get home. And we get off the bus and we're at the school, it's like 7 p.m., so it's like empty,

it's just people that are getting picked up from the field trip. And everyone's parents are there, like with their cars, and I get off the bus and my dad's just standing there. And I was like, what's going on? I was like, where's the car? And he's like, mom said it was gonna be a mess, so he parked like two miles away. And we had to walk with all of my luggage, and I was I think it was the most bad

I've ever been was it actually a mess. No, it wasn't a mess at all It was literally just a line of cars to come pick it like I would have just walked and then we would have been gone Did you give him a hard time? Oh, I think I freaked out dude So I have a similar story that same Honda element That was the boxy car that had the suicide doors that would like open up. Theoretically, you could convert it into like a camper. Oh, that's cool.

I remember the commercials from that. Sounds cool. It sounded cool in the commercials. You also like camping. My freshman year, I switched schools. I went from a very accepting and loving school to a Jesuit school called Cheverus. And it was very male dominant,

very kind of dark, medieval, very Catholic. And my mom picked me up one day in the Honda Element and all the guys that were older on the sports teams that I was on and stuff, I knew that they mocked me for the fact that we drove a Honda Element. They thought that was a really ugly car. What did they fucking drive?

You know, they all had like. Corvettes and shit? No, like pickup trucks, but like shitty ones, but you know, but they would all get the subwoofers in the back Then we would drive five minutes to practice and my teeth would rattle in my fucking head They're like you like this song. I'm like, I don't hear anything. I feel it. Yeah Making me need to take a shit. I actually love the subwoofers not a fight a car. I would definitely get external subwoofers. Huge ones? Yeah. Like someone driving around in the woods.

Whole trunk's taking them up. Yeah. You hear them three blocks away. Yeah. The glass is shaking. Yeah. That's gotta suck so bad. So did, when your mom, did you freak out at your mom?

When my mom came and picked me up and I got in the car and she had parked right in the middle of where all the kids got let out and I got in the car and she had parked right in the middle of where all the kids got let out. And I got in the car and was just so embarrassed and mad. And I'm sure I gave her a hard time. Then I had to go get something else out of school. And I went back in and when I came back into the car, my mom was crying. Oh no, because people were making fun of her car? No, because I had been so cruel.

And I never saw my mom cry. Really? And she was like, I just was excited to see you and pick you up. Oh, my god. She leveled you. Dude, I think it's the worst moment of my life. I'm not even kidding you.

Just happy to see you, son. I think about this. Nice'm not even kidding you. Just happy to see you, son. I think about this- Nice fucking box car, mom. I think about this like once a week and it breaks my fucking heart. Have you apologized? I definitely did then, you know. You should call her today.

I wonder if, I think I've told her that that moment has stuck with me. But ultimate forgiveness about this act will be nice. Oh, I'm sure she would say like, I haven't thought about it since. What if she's like, I think about it every week. All I want to do is see you. It's just something that I really wish

I could erase from time. Yeah, well you can't. It's the single worst moment of shame. What'd you say to her when you, how did you berate her about having to box a car? I don't remember. I probably was like, I told you not to show up in this car, or don't park in the middle of this.

I'm so, whatever, everyone's making, I don't know. Said something, just just I was a 14 year old you know Fucking pick me up covered in acne getting thrown into lockers by seniors There's a nightmare. I left that school after one year that place fucking saw Everest. Yeah, dude. They had a pro life club They were trying to foist like anti-abortion Sentimentality andality or ideology rather on 14 year olds. Yeah. And it was like, so, I mean, we used to get jugged.

I had a jug too. Justice under God instead of detention. That's insane. I got jugged up for having socks that weren't the right length. Mr. Conley, he was an old guy and he was a cunt and he's dead now. I wish he could hear me say this.

That guy fucking sucked. I also went to a Jesuit high school and I met one of my teachers at a wedding recently and he was the meanest teacher. Like a kid like passed out in his class because he'd like stand up as punishment for getting his Latin declensions wrong. He like passed out and uh we met this teacher and he was still such a dick. Come on. He just what he he was just still mean. Yeah. He's still a mean guy. Did you say anything to him? Did you? No I tried to be nice. I was like hey I thought it would be

like time passed but I don't even I probably called him. Mr. Whatever's name was Yeah, I didn't remember you. No, he said he did That's where that's where in in the TV show where he's a character There is a scene where we follow him home One night and he goes into his tiny walk-up apartment, pulls that overhead light string, sits down at a table, has a microwave dinner,

and then goes and tends to his sickly father. And we develop empathy for him. We realize that the reason he's been so harsh and mean all this time, is because his background, his life itself is prison, and that he is actually a sympathetic figure. I think if your job makes you fucking miserable, I think that there's other lines of work

that could make you less miserable. If you fucking hate teaching Latin to kids, like, all right, do something where you work with your hands. Like, be outside, move around all day. Like, get an office job, do something else. There's a billion fucking jobs Yeah, I don't know the answer to that. I already told you by the time when I got dropped off at school And there was a lockdown in progress No, I haven't told you about that

I've probably told the story before maybe it was probably a while ago but it was uh, I was like when I didn't have my license when I was a junior in high school, and our middle school and high school were connected, so my mom would drop off me and my little sister at the same time. And we got dropped off, and like we'd get out of the car right in front of the school, and there's like, this siren going on and

And the principals outside and he's like get inside and in my head I was like if this is a real like shooting happening. Why am I not just going back to my mom's car is right there Why are they telling us to come inside? But obviously you're gonna listen to the principal so I went inside and then they were were like, like we got go inside and it was like, it was real. They were like, everyone get in a fucking classroom. Like the principals like grabbing kids and like throwing them into the cafeteria. And I'm on the middle school side of the school

and I'm 17 years old. So I'm on the middle school side. There he is. I know it's him. That's literally what it was. I'm surrounded by like 12 year olds. I'm with my middle school side. There he is. I know it's him. That's literally what it was. I'm surrounded by like 12 year olds. I'm with my sister who's like 12 and I'm 17 and I'm running through the hallways

with all these children and then I'm in a, we like find a classroom and they're like, get in this classroom. And I go in and it's literally me and seventh graders all in a classroom together. And I'm like, dude, they all think I'm the shooter for sure. And then it ended up being like a misunderstanding as it usually is.

What do you mean a misunderstanding? It's a false alarm. Imagine being your mom seeing that. I don't know, like she was texting us, like what's going on? Okay guys, have a good day. Yeah, I guess there's a shooter in the school. Get inside, there's a shooter in here.

It was crazy. We don't wanna make this too hard on him. I just remember running through the hallways with like literal children and being like, this is so fucking crazy. I didn't say I was gonna shoot the school. I said let's go shoot some pool. What a misunderstanding.

I just remember being like, this is like the most misunderstanding is hilarious. I don't know what it was. I was a mix up. There was always shit like that though. Like in our school, it would always be like, but it would be like, it would either be like nothing or it would be like, yeah, they found shotgun shells in the gym. There was one time where they were like, they found shotgun shells in the gym. So they just brought everyone into the gym

and like had them, like, if you had like a band, if you had like an instrument, they had to search your bag. They had to search your band, like your case, and then everyone else. But I was like, this feels like if there's a dude in the gym or if there's a guy with a gun, maybe we don't bring everyone in the school to the exact same place.

We're all gonna jump on him. We're all gonna to jump on him. We're all going to subdue him simultaneously. It is. It's kind of a badass way to do it if you're the principal. You're going to shoot all of us then. You're center stage with the mic. Who is it? It'll be way easier on you if you come forward now.

I'll give you one shot. Yeah. At this rate, maybe you'll get one or two of us but there's no way you're getting us all. Yeah. There's only nine. Count your bullets. Go ahead. You and me. Ten paces. Most of us are going

to survive. Ten paces and then we're going to catch you. May the best man win. A duel. A duel. The principal. The principal. In the gym. The kids are like fight. Fight. Fight. the principal gets killed. It's around them. Yeah.

The principal misses the kids, shoots the principal. So behind where you guys were you guys out of high school before that was a big thing like lockdowns? Uh, no. Columbine happened. Columbine started. Yeah. There was like a good 10 year gap between Columbine and then before it was really

like a rampant, like this happens every week. We just had a poopy bandit was never really shooters. Yeah, I mean, we didn't have that. As far as I know, we didn't have any of that, but was it 10 years between Columbine and the next thing? No, it wasn't between the next thing, but I mean, like it it's it was more popular. Popular?

Well, no, I mean, you know what I mean? Your word choices are funny. Oh, that's the word that I would use to describe it. It's very popular. That guy's so popular. He shot like three schools. Oh, no, but like, like there's like Columbine happened. It's a popular thing to do. It's like having a beanie baby or. I mean, dude, there's like school shootings like once a week. Yeah it's popular. They were I don't think there were as many. I

agree I'm saying it's popular. Yeah when I was when I was in high school and middle school we were getting evacuated from the school like it would be like a couple times a year. That was all the rage. Like middle school. Very popular thing to do. I remember in middle school, someone lit the trash can on fire and then like carved into the wall, like I'm gonna blow up the school or some shit. And then like we all had to like get evacuated. That's, yeah. Where did you go to school?

Massachusetts. Yeah, I don't know, man. We didn't have that. Like for what it's worth, like I, yeah, I mean, yeah, I don't know, man. We didn't have that. For what it's worth, yeah, I mean, yeah, I don't know. It's like this dark and mysterious thing that almost. You know what it was? It was probably people were more cautious about it when I was in high school than they were with you.

Like when you guys were in high school, if someone found shotgun shells in the gym, they'd probably be like, if you left your shotgun shells in the gym, please come to the main office. Yeah. Yeah. We can only hold these for so long.

They feel hot, so you might want to grab them before they cool off. I don't know the answer to that. Why is it becoming more popular? Don't know. Because guys like you try to make it seem cool. The fuck? No. You're just talking about how popular the popular kids do it

I wasn't saying popular in terms of popular kids are doing it. I meant it's a more popular thing to do Mm-hmm, then it was common Which popular still works for that no matter how much Twist it it's a funny and common and frequent are not necessarily synonyms. Certainly not in that application, which is what made it funny. School shootings have gotten more popular is factual. And that is a completely correct way of saying it. I get, I understand why it's funny. Like I get why it sounds funny to be like, oh yeah, it's like a popular thing to do, but it is Like what's another thing that's popular to do?

Fucking snatch and chains. Yeah, it's like snatch and change snatch and change that's really popular right now No pop what's popular right now is like oxy cotton Yeah, probably not that that we like that to. Weirdly, like that to me does make more sense. But it shouldn't. Oxycotton is popular. Because it's still a bad thing. Oxycotton is popular.

School shooting is popular. But people would take oxycotton because they think it's cool, it's popular. But popular kids are doing it. But were like the popular kids do oxycotton? Dude, when was the last time you saw a school shooter who was like also the captain of the water polo team? Well, that's why I'm saying I don't mean popular in that sense. I didn't mean popular as like the kid is popular.

I meant it's a more common, I meant common, but I still think popular works. I'm going to let you have it. All right. I win. Next. Next topic. Where did you go to high school that there were that many fucking lockdowns? The euphoria high school?

I mean, it wasn't like I probably exaggerated a little bit, but like we definitely had lockdown. We definitely like in high school, I would say we definitely had a lockdown every year I was in high school. How many kids went to your high school? Probably 600, but it was like, but but again the middle school and the high school were combined so there's over, there's probably around like 1200 to 1500 kids in the school. Shut the shit down the gym teachers fucking Sydney Sweeney. I mean that happened too, the gym teacher raped a bunch of kids. Was there a lockdown that day? No, that was after

I graduated they found out. It was when I was there that he was doing the raping though. Statutory. Yes, still rape. Yes, I'm just clarifying. Yeah. Yeah, he probably threw some adults in there too at that point. Who was it that was raped though?

I don't know. That's a good question. Statutory gives, I won't say it. Heavy episode. Yeah. Yeah. We found out that Francis is bulimic and then we just went right into-

Rape. Rape and mass shootings. Heavy as hell. I wonder what people who know eating disorders would say because the reason I do that is- I mean, it's kind of a pull the trigger warning. Yeah, right. It has nothing to do with how I wanna look.

No, I don't think what you're doing is weird at all. It's not like every meal- I think it's a little weird. But it's not like every meal you have, you're projectile vomiting after. Yeah, I don't do that. I do this maybe once a year, once every other year or something like that. So that's not a big deal.'s not like very popular for you to do

No, the Lemia is not popular right now. How many times you guys expect to throw up this year zero? I've thrown up once I was gonna say that before when we're talking about the puking Let's get back to that a little more of a light topic, but I I've thrown up once since I stopped drinking and it was the first time I've thrown up sober Since I was in sixth grade Goddamn I'm good for you at least one a year probably really I'm a couple Just a stomach bug from fully sober

Well, obviously not talking from anything whether it's drinking Oh, no eliminate drinking from this motion sickness, car sickness or, or flu motion sickness and car sickness, maybe less than one a year, maybe one every couple of years. What's the worst one though? What's the worst reason? Nicotine 100% has to be the worst. I would say I would say food poisoning when you have it But if you ever had nicotine sick I've gotten it where I almost thought I almost threw up. It is like I've had that It's like a new feeling because it hits at a no that might have been when I did the bong rips of the loose leaf

Tobacco, that's why what that was throwing up from like from like nicotine, we used to call it browning out. You know how people say when you smoke weed, you green, people green out. Oh, I didn't know that. Is that a real thing? I mean we talk, this is our early son of a boy dad question. Yeah. You said it was real though, and I believed you.

It's happened to a couple of my friends. They forget what happened while they were high? Oh no, you like fully like go down. Oh gosh. Yeah. That's fucking wild. And to be like, they'd be like, yo dude, Nate just greened.

Did he, was he particularly susceptible to it? No, it happened to him once after, and it was after we did the bong rips of tobacco. Oh. But he also did bong rips of weed. Okay, and then it happened to him. So that might have been a brown out. It could have been a brown. He could have browned. Yeah. Like a brown green camo. Yeah, yeah. Like a camo out. A camo. Yeah. Sort of a, you know. It's kind of your outfit honestly. I know.

Browning out and greening out. I'm really not happy about these pants, but all my clothes are at the wash right now. They're wrinkly. Those are the pants that caused you to start filming These are the pants that caused me to buy new pants No, they're the ones that caused you to start filming yourself They are, they are, exactly I knew it, I saw them earlier and I thought

Why, why he doesn't Why, unnecessarily why he doesn't Can I see you stand up please, please, please, please They're like, just stand up please They're like so wide at the waist And then they're wide at the thighs too, and then the legs are not wide. Can you give the camera a proper... They can see it, they can see it.

No, the table's in the way, they need to see everything. I also accidentally gave my belt to the, I brought my belt to the Washington Fold as well, so no belt either. I saw the, yeah, I saw your boxers like I thought you're just like sagging your pants low-key when we were shooting earlier it's just the wide waist. It's the wide waist but they're not even that wide they're like 32. Is it 32? I think yeah and they're just bad pants. They're just poorly made. Yeah one of the worst throw-ups is when you have like a viral infection and you're like shuddering next to the toilet. Yeah, not even food poisoning, but it's like a deep virus. You just need everything out of your body

That's what I had when I threw up this year Yeah, it just like crawled up. I've talked about that when I said that I was throwing up so aggressively that my I felt like My feet were above my head Like it felt like I was lifting off from the ground with the amount of force. Donkey kicking. Yeah. It was, dude, I mean, it was like rotating between throwing up and shitting. And then, but I only threw up, like when you were saying earlier, I was going to ask you that when you said you had three or you had four. Do you count that? How many times you count? No, no, no. Well, yeah. For me, you had four.

Do you count that? How many times you count those four? Well, yeah. For me, that's four. You threw up four times? If that was me. One session is a throw up. No, for me it's four. Oh, it's a session for me.

The session, no, no, no. You're padding your stats. Yeah, I'm padding my stats for sure. It sucks equally every single time. It's not like one of them's better than the other once you've opened the hardest part for me is I stick my hand out my throat and whatever and The I don't it takes me like if I'm sober. It'll take me seven or eight

Dry. Yeah. Yeah until something comes out. Yeah, and that buildup is what really sucks. Which that's fucked up too. But once you finally get it, then the gates are open and then I'll do it until I've cleared the cylinder. Like I said, so I said that was the first time I've thrown up sober since I was in sixth grade. And when I was in sixth grade, like when you're a child, you remember throwing up like it's just like, you wake up one day and you have to throw up. So you go to the bathroom and you throw up. There's no, there's no like activating it. And then when I was throwing up this year, I was like, why is this so hard to do?

Yeah. I was like, I'm actually, I'm like, I'm sick and I'm actually going to have to pull trig to throw up. It's crazy. You have to. There are a lot of people who can't do that. They can't even pull the trigger. They just wait for it to become shit. Waiting for it to become shit is what I usually do.

You know what those, but there's a- Most nights I go to bed on the verge of throwing up and then I just wait overnight and then I wake up and I shit it out. and then I just wait overnight and then I wake up and I shit it out. I believe you. I believe you. I think he's telling the truth. I was out super late last night.

Yeah, you had a cool night. I did. I went to the- Were you surprised that I was awake when you texted me? Not at all. Francis were texting at like 3am. I texted Sass at 2.30. Really? I knew he was up.

I knew he'd be up. He's the only person I know who'd be up who lives in this time zone. And I knew he'd be up. Why wouldn't he be up? Oh, by the way, it was so funny. So yes, I went to the cellar and got to watch Shane work out his monologue, which was really cool. Kill us.

Kill us. And then I, but he did all the shows. So it was there pretty late. And then I got in a cab and I was on my way home texting Sass. Did you have spots or you just kissing ass? I had spots at the stand earlier. Then I just went over there. Yeah, I know.

Well, to that end- No shaming it. No shaming it. To that end, they got together for a picture, a bunch of the comics there and I didn't get in. Why? You were in it last time. I had spots that night. Bruh, you got to get in. I didn't want to be part of a picture if I didn't have spots at the club that night. And Will Sylvain, he was like, dude, why didn't you get in the picture? And I was like, cause I didn't have any spots. And he was like, that's ridiculous. You're passed at the club. I was like cuz I didn't have any spots and he was like That's ridiculous your past at the club

I don't want to be a barnacle. That's crazy. I'm call me an old I'm nothing wrong with that old school. He's old school I mean, I would have done the exact same thing, but I think I overthink it I'm sure I over thought it but it's also just my own policy like I want to earn the picture I'm getting in the picture like you know postgame photo You know you gotta wait for them to tell you if Francis texted me last night was like come to the cellar I'm here with which you definitely could have I live across the street from there would have been nice to get that text I do I didn't go until midnight, and I didn't know I'll get none. It's not a big deal, but I would

Call you at the end he did know I was gonna be up, and he knows how close I live to there. If I had asked you at that hour to come to the cellar, you would have been like, dude, no, I don't think I can do that. Probably, but I would have definitely considered it. I loved- He could have just yelled up to his bed.

I loved knowing- You could have, honestly. I loved giving you the opportunity to consider things. I heard, you know what the weird thing was, I heard the laughs from my apartment. You're like, oh. And I was like, is the coach killing? Yeah this You heard this what camera snap vlog? Well Francis dodging photos not

Taking was there like paparazzi there. No legitimate question. No, no, no, I don't think so. Who else was on the shows? Uh Well, he Shane went up right before David Tell. So that was the late show. Who's in the picture? It's David Tell, Shane, Will Sylvain. Big party. Maybe Reggie Conquest. Actually. So it was a tight photo.

It wasn't like last photo. Four or five. And then they did another one and a couple more people got in and I just stayed on that. But it wasn't like the, because the OG photo is like 30 killers. The one I'm in? Yeah. It's like Delta. It's like Delta Force. That one's fun. But I, that was one where Godfrey was like told me to get out. Oh, I see. Godfrey did? Yeah. That's big. Love that, bro. That's a big one. Yeah, he organized the folks he had his camera guy there. Mm-hmm Gilbert I'm on my way home. Yeah, and I text SAS and

I tell them like yo, I tell him about the the how great I thought Shane's monologue was Huh? about how great I thought Shane's monologue was. No, you didn't. Huh? No, you didn't. Did I not? No, I was gonna ask you how it was. I forgot to ask. What did I say to you?

I don't know. You told me how great you thought it was. You were just like, I'm so tired. I think I said, I just went and did this. And I was like, I don't know how I'm awake right now. Yeah, something like that. Basically, I was trying to say, I don't know how you stay up to this hour every night.

Yeah, that was pretty much the exact conversation. Yeah. And then he goes, by the way, he was like, so we have to be in at 11 tomorrow? Yeah, that was the conversation. I'm looking at it right now. He reminded me that we were coming in to shoot Play Madden for Roam.com coming out soon. When is that video coming out? Tonight.

Fuck yeah. That is going video coming out? Tonight. Fuck yeah. That is going to be an all-timer. If you liked the steak video, I would highly recommend that you watch Francis versus Sass playing Madden. Yeah, that's going to be a classic. It'll be a good one. But yeah, it was pretty much the conversation was just leaving the cellar, watch Shane's monologue and then tell, can't even think I'm so tired.

And then I was tired as fuck too. So I said, Dan, that sounds sick. And then I said, do we have to be in at 11 tomorrow? Yeah. I think I was gonna follow that up with like, it was amazing or something. And then you switched us into like, which by the way, first time that's ever happened,

you being like, wait, when are we due? Cause I was in my head, I was like, I was like, Francis is out late. Yeah. I was like, maybe we don't have to be in at 11. Oh, do I not know that this has been canceled? Yeah. That I could stay up for another four hours?

Yeah. The fact that you were up at eight to eat that prime rib after being out until three. Dude, I got up at 7.15. Jesus. I couldn't sleep any longer. And that's also part of why I feel so shit. Why could you not sleep longer? Dude, I'm terrible at sleeping.

Yeah. Terrible at it. I woke up at eight, and then I took a big dump, and then I fell back asleep. Tough life. It's the dream. I don't even dare buy one of those Devices that tells you what your sleep score is because I just know it would ruin my day every day Yeah, those things are fucking insane. Well, unfortunately wake up

Yeah, you're like I feel pretty good today you actually hurt yourself sleeping. Yeah. Yeah do not move today We recommend that you not do your normal activities. Yeah. Yeah so Nothing were when I would like when I would have when I used to have like I still have a Fitbit and I wear it Occasionally, but when I wear it if I'm on the road and I'm like traveling the next day I'll take it off at night cuz I'm like, I know I'm gonna get like five hours of sleep and I'm on the road and I'm like traveling the next day, I'll take it off at night. Cause I'm like, I know I'm going to get like five hours of sleep and I'm going to feel fine. And I don't need this thing telling me that I actually was only asleep for three

hours. Yeah. You were asleep for 10 minutes. Yeah. And none of it was REM. Yeah. You got to none of your, what's the red zone or blue zone or what's the fucking zone? You're supposed to get what like an hour 10 of REM something around there. I don't know. I thought it was more than that. I'll kill for some rem. I don't get any All right. I got one more thing. I take melatonin I get it's literally I would take those all e melatonin gummies dude I I thought I've talked about this but I had to stop taking them cuz I was I was wearing the Fitbit and I

Would look and it would be like eight hours of REM sleep Like literally like the whole night I was dreaming intensely. You wake up, it's a new season. Yeah. You have a beard. It would be like, dude, it would be like the, you'd wake up the next day and it'd be the most tired you've ever been.

Yeah. Even though you got good sleep. I don't even know that. I don't think that is good. I think that's too much REM. I ate the whole packet, almost of the melatonin things at the mini bar. You were trying to end it?

Well, I mean, I ate 10 of them. Serving size was two. They were sweet. They were tasty. That's insane. I slept as if I had done the Michael Jackson treatment. Dude, you almost died. Can you? I mean, you almost died. Can you? I mean, how long did you sleep for?

The normal amount, but it was, I woke up and I didn't know where I was. Dude, if I took 10 of these, I wouldn't wake up. Ever. Not even kidding. I'll give you one. You want one for the flight? No, that'll just make me drowsy. If I give you two, will you take two tonight and report back?

You want me to do it tonight? Yeah. Okay. But it will fuck up your day tomorrow. That's okay. You're gonna be skiing. Okay, you've talked me out of it. Let him do it.

I thought you wanted me to do this. Let him be his own man. I think I got him on me. And if you kill him on the mountain, that's on you. It says take as needed, no food or water necessary. Eat something with them. You will throw up. Really? Yes. It says take two gummies 30 minutes before bed. I take one and I literally cannot

open my eyes 12 hours later. Oh, these look tasty. Actually let me see that before you open it. Let me see it. I love this flavor. Because I'm gonna have to give you, because I'm there's a couple like half halves in here because they're so strong that sometimes I only take half and then I still am fucked up. And what if you took it right now?

Like would you be asleep? Oh, you wouldn't be able to do the rest of the day. Okay. I want to take one too. I want to eat them. But I won't do it. I want to one too. I wanna eat them. But I won't do it. I wanna eat them for the taste. Oh no, I have a dinner to go to.

Well, don't take it tonight. Don't take it right now. I don't even want your hard drugs. They're not hard drugs. They're five-cell med CVS. A backpack full of things that will kill Francis if he takes 10 of them. You're just walking around. I am very curious to see what you say though genuinely because I'm wondering if maybe I'm just super sensitive to melatonin

I've done melatonin before I've done melatonin. I've done magnesium. I've tried all these things I tell people that these are like this is like I've taken melatonin before this is the strongest shit. I've ever taken melatonin L theanine and botonic- botanicals. Botanicals? Is that what it's called? Botanicals? I've never seen that word before in my entire life. You never seen like botanical gardens? No, never. The Brooklyn Botanical Gardens? Oh, I guess I have. I've heard that. Botanical Garden. I guess I have I've heard that the tentacles. I never read the word we Is what you say? I said bought a ton of calls Botanicals

Boat two grams of sugar though. So be careful if you're on keto these aren't for you. I'm not on keto Does he look like a guy who needs to be on keto doing a fad diet? Wait, what was the last thing you wanted to talk about? Well, I guess we should save it for the next episode Sure Okay, my is well my is well you have to leave in like an hour I've got to leave sooner than that. Okay, what do we'll do next episode? Do you want to do a second episode or no? Oh, wait, no. Oh, you're talking about another episode now. Yeah, I don't think I could do another Yeah, oh, okay. I wasn't the impression we were doing too.

I was hoping to, but I gotta run. Oh, okay, then let's just keep going. Okay. Do you have timing issues? Yeah, no, no, I can, I can. I'm not in a rush, right? Like, I don't need to end it. Can we cut this, by the way?

I'm sorry, I hate to ask to cut something, but like, I don't want, I don't wanna be the reason that we didn't do it. Oh, yeah, no, that's fine. You know what's fine. Yeah. But I just, I thought we were, I thought we were doing two. Okay. Perfect. We had to take a pause. Francis took two of the gummies and he had to go throw up in the bathroom.

He didn't believe me that it would make him puke. All right. So the lease on my old apartment ends on Friday, tomorrow. This is the apartment that I lived in with my ex-wife. I can't believe you had two apartments this entire time. I mean, I didn't live there. Did you ever stop by? Yeah. Poke around?

We just sit on the floor, like read a book. But she moved out a couple months ago. So she's been laying, it's been sitting empty. Could have told me, I would have gone hung out. Would you have? That would have been nice if you lived in our neighborhood. Yeah, it would be sick. Would you have?

Yeah, make a little office. Anyway, there was still stuff in it. Some of mine, some other things, furniture stuff. I had to go and get all of it out. Yeah. And to do so, I had to hire a junk removal team, which by the way, I mean, I hate to say it, but if you just have shit and you don't know what to do with it, you can't figure out what to do with it. And I had to go and get all of it out. Yeah. Which by the way, I mean, I hate to say it, but if you just have shit and you don't know what to do with it, you can't figure out how to get rid of it, you can pay someone a couple

hundred bucks to just take everything you own and get rid of it. Yeah. Junk busters. It's always Russians. Were they Russians? No. Fuck. I have heard that the junk industry is mainly Russians. It's kind of a sickening realization. I mean, to me, it was like, because I had wanted us to try to sell it on Facebook Marketplace, but we

didn't get our act together in time. What was it? Furniture. A couch. A good couch. RH. A good couch. How big? Too big. Way too big for your place. You could have double-deckered. You could have made a loft. That would have been so sick. Put it this way. If you can't fit a fucking mirror in your apartment, you can't fit this couch in your apartment. You just put the couch on the back of a door or something like that. Yeah, that's not a bad idea. I could probably fit it in that long hallway. Just have the hallway be all couch. You climb over it to get to the kitchen. It would fit in there, like a glove.

Builds a ramp up so you can walk over it. Anyway, these guys come in and there's, they come in and I go to supervise. This is 7.30 in the morning. This is today? Yesterday. Oh, okay. And they come in and I go to supervise. This is 7.30 in the morning. This is today? Yesterday. Oh, okay.

And immediately they start getting to work. They're awesome, getting rid of stuff. And then they take the couch. Yeah. And they take it to the elevator and they come back and they tell me that thing's not gonna fit in the elevator. Oh, I've been here.

And I say, there's just no way it doesn't because it couldn't have come up any other way. Couch doctor. Buddy. So my wife had brought the couch in when I was not there. Couch doctor. And she didn't tell me that she had hired The doctor.

The couch doctor. Yeah, she didn't tell you that the doctor was in town. This guy apparently is some sort of sadistic. He's a magician. He's like the Sid from Toy Story of furniture. He's the wizard of Oz. He dissembles furniture in a way and then rebuilds it you know in your apartment. I didn't know any of this. Oh yeah it's one of my world famous bits. So is that right your apartment. I didn't know any of this. Oh yeah, it's one of my world famous bits. So, is that right? Yeah. I don't know if I've heard that bit.

Classic. I heard it out of Schumer's mouth, but I heard it. Yeah. So I go to the, I'm like, there's no way. And I go to the fucking elevator to try to help them. And I'm like trying to shove this thing in. And we realize, okay, yeah, it's not gonna fit. And then as I'm trying to help them and I'm like trying to shove this thing in and we realized okay yeah it's not gonna fit and then as I'm trying to help them lower it out I sliced

my hand open. Oh ew. And now my hands bleeding everywhere this is a shitty place to cut your hand because you can't when you close it it just reopens. Yeah. So now I'm bleeding and I'm really baffled about this couch. Yeah. Are you just furious? It's a fucked up situation. I'm kind of really unsure of what to do. You don't know what to do, they don't know what to do.

Yeah, and then the guy tells me, all right, so now we can, now we're gonna have to saw it in half, but that's gonna cost you an extra 100 bucks. That's not bad. I said, okay, in for a penny, in for a pound. Couch doctor charges like 900. Yeah.

But you retain the value of the restoration hardware couch if you use the couch doctor, if you saw it in half, there's no resale on that. Yeah. That's probably why they're charging you the hundred because these Russians love to resale everything that you have. Well, I wanted these guys to take the couch and resell it.

And they said, we have nowhere to put it. They probably just resell that result. The haves. It's like we have two chairs. Yeah. Yeah. Well, anyway, then they sawed a couch in half in front of me, which they do it in the they we brought it back into the apartment. Oh, okay, that's good. And it was the loudest thing I've ever heard. 7.30 in the morning, 7.45.

And... I thought I heard something out of this. Dude, there was like springs and metal in the middle of the couch. Dude, they did this to me in the day I moved into my apartment in the lobby of the couch. Dude, they did this to me in the in the day I moved into my apartment in the lobby of the building. They had to set up a fucking they had to put out like tarps and then put the couch on top of it. And there's like wood shavings everywhere. The supers

coming out like what's going on? They were like, I'm definitely stealing this guy's mail. Fucked. So they saw it in half. and then they took everything out. And I guess that's my story. But it was a tough morning. And then that was the day where then, as the day wore on, I got the ticket for the bike. Brutal day. I had a tough day.

You got to see some good comedy, though. I did. That was pretty good. Yeah did. That was the next day. That was after 1 a.m. True. Still though, it's a good way to end the night. Yeah, like if you didn't see that you probably would have gone home and been like, damn today fucking blue. At least you got to see that. In history, history will look back on that day as a nice day. I wonder. And you got some fat bits out of it, making some hay on the podcast. Hate to break it to you though, that couch doctor bits off Lumet's. Already been done. Yeah, I wouldn't want to step on Schumer's toes.

Wouldn't want to tread on her. Dude, that feeling of moving out when you... I remember when I moved to my current apartment and we were living in West Village and I moved out like two or three weeks before our lease ended, and I had to go current apartment and we were living in West Village and I moved out like two or three weeks before our lease ended and I had to go back to our apartment to like get the rest of my shit and you and you move and you're like I pretty much got everything. Yeah, I just got to go back and grab a couple things and then you forget that it's like

Oh, no, I need to like like everything. Yeah, you're like, oh that coat hanger You always underestimate it Yeah What the one place sent boxes when I moved out of my last place and I was like, they're like, how many do you need? And you have no idea. So I was like, I'll get 40 boxes. And they came and they're like, no, you need 160 boxes. Jesus Christ. So many more boxes than the amount of these like pink stackable boxes than they had. It fucking sucks.

I hope that I can just stay in my apartment long enough that I get successful enough that I could just buy the unit So that I just never have to go through that process again Just why you just get the junk that would be fucking why you just get the junk removal. He's talking about I would I mean like my couch I'm definitely not bringing with me How much stuff did it wind up being? It was a sort of a sleeper sofa that was beat to hell. So that was fine. A rug, a TV console, bookshelves, then...

TV console? What is that? Oh, like the thing that holds the TV. No. The thing that holds the cable box and all the wiring. You didn't want to keep that? I didn't. I didn't have the option. I'm sickened by the way that I handled this.

Yeah, you got to do what you got to do. Exactly. You just got to move on. At some point, there's nothing you get to a point in time where you say this is the way it has to be. Yeah, you throw out shit that you should keep when you move. Exactly. Especially in New York City. Also, I didn't have a choice.

I had to be out by Friday. And sometimes it's probably for the best that you're getting rid of that much stuff. Because imagine if you lived in the suburbs or something and you had tons of space to just keep all the stuff where if it wasn't squeezed by space, you would probably just be like, all right, I don't fucking need this. I will say, when I moved from that apartment

to my new apartment where I live now, my new apartment is like a third of the size of my old one. And it's, I don't have any ability to let clutter build. It's just too small. And it's, I don't have any ability to let clutter build. Yeah. It's just too small. And it's smaller than your apartment, my apartment. Yeah. And I don't mean that as a slight.

No, I'm not taking it as a slight, taking it as a win. No, because it's much nicer. It is much nicer. I have an oven. Your apartment's not nicer than mine Okay That's fine But it does I mean for as someone who's been to both apartments you have been to my apartment since I redid it What did you redo?

You haven't been so I don't think you've even been since I added the carpet since the big renovation Yeah, I dropped the rogue and kettlebell off. What are you talking about? But that wasn't when it was out. It was, that wasn't its finest hour. That was a month ago. That wasn't its finest hour. What are you talking about? There's shit hanging.

It's great, great space. Francis's apartment is like a cutting edge modern. Yeah, that sucks. You like it because like Bob Dylan. Who wants to feel like they're falling asleep in a fucking Apple store every night Bob Dylan walk down your street one time you're like, I'll plant my flag here Bob Dylan might have lived in my actual apartment unit. That's definitely why you fucking bought it. Yeah, West Village

I think everyone at his apartments are very documented. Yeah, they are So he definitely didn't live in your unit. No. By the way, did you see the clip of Zach Brian, who he was at a bar and there was someone- Oh yeah, the dude with the Ray-Ban's glasses on. Someone was filming him or something and he got mad at that guy.

And then that guy said something like, you know, I'm just out trying to film me and my friends having a good time, living our young lives, being who we are, finding our souls. And Zach Brown goes, that's the gayest thing I've ever heard. Yeah, I did see that. And then, dude, I thought that was so funny,

because then I heard, listened again to what the guy had said. I was like, who talks that way? That makes me want to listen back to what the guy said. I think I sent it to you too. Because I think, well the original clip I said I think just kind of jumped ahead to him saying that's the gayest thing I ever heard. They were planning to take down on him for saying the word gay.

But you got to see, you got gotta hear what the guy says first. Something I would say. Yeah, it's an insane thing to say. I'm trying to film me and my friends living our young lives so we can remember this down the road. Yeah. When you're obviously trying to film a celebrity. Yeah, he's like, I'm trying to create memories of,

in real time, of the moments that my friends and I will cherish for the rest of our lives and show our children. Because didn't Zach Bryan say like, do you work for Ray-Ban? Like, why are you, why are you wearing those? I don't know, do you guys see the whole video? I didn't see the whole video, man. No, I didn't, I only saw that part. Sad.

I thought it was pretty funny. It was very funny? What else, what else? Dates? I'm gonna be in Atlanta this weekend or Alpharetta Oh shit I got a lot of good recommendations on where to go fishing I had to buy a suitcase

so that I could bring my fishing stuff and my Playstation Oh I got a portable monitor that's pretty sick That's sick It's super sick Are you getting a new headset? No Should Are you getting a new headset? No. Should. Why? I have three headsets.

The audio quality is shit though. On my headsets? Yeah. No it's not. Hey, can I ask you a question? Sure. And I want you to give me an honest answer. Yeah.

If, let's say, money were no object. Yeah. Is there some unbelievable video game. Yeah, I'll get a PC. Thing, thing that you wish you could get. Yeah, I get a PC thing thing that You wish you could get yeah PC why a PC because they're better than consoles in every single way And you'd play your video games on a computer. I would play with a controller on a PC That's how like most that's how like professional Call of Duty's played

We'll get there kid. How much do those cost? Anywhere from like two to $100,000. Really? Yeah. 2,000? Like you could get like a good, I think you get like a good PC and a good setup for like a couple grand. I feel like that's so attainable for you.

For the amount of time you spend gaming. It's holding you back. I also don't want to build a PC. You have to build it yourself? A lot of times if you want a good one. Could you hire some guy who- You could hire someone to build it. That'd be kind of cool.

But it's like, I was talking to Joe from the stand the other night about, cause he has PC and he said his is like five grand. And he's still adding onto it. I get it, yeah. Like it's kind of something that you just are constantly like buying new shit to make it better That sounds like it's right up your alley as a gear head. Yeah, but it's just too expensive I'm not spending five thousand dollars on a PC. You just said two thousand dollars But I'm not I don't want to get a shitty PC

I'd rather just wait until I can get a good one. Yeah, this year maybe? No, no, there's no reason for me to have one right now. But here's the thing, ready? So I have a friend who talks, and I've talked about this before, the value of certain things, right? Yeah.

Things that he can really justify spending money on. One, bed. He says there's almost no price too high for a bed when you break it down to how many hours you spend using that thing. The third of your life. It's insane, right? Two, TV.

TVs are unbelievably underpriced, in his opinion. Yeah, they are. Because the fact that we watch so many hours of programming and entertainment on our televisions and they're like a really great TV is like 1200 bucks. Yeah. Three I think was couch. Again, sit on it, use it all the time.

For you, $5,000 for a PC, given the amount of hours you spend playing video games to me, seems totally reasonable. Yeah, but there's like other factors, like it wouldn't make sense, because all my friends play on console, which I could still play with them, but like the-

You'd have an unfair advantage? I would have an unfair, like it'd be like, it's like playing a different game. Because it's so much faster? Like the frames per second, like pretty much like, so I play on a PlayStation 5, and I get like my latency is usually anywhere from like 10

milliseconds to like 60 milliseconds if I'm at home, it's like like I'm at my apartment. It's usually hovers around like 20 to 30 like professional setups like PC setups they hover at like one millisecond. And their frames per second is more than like the place. Like I think, like I think a PlayStation caps out at like a hundred frames per second and PCs are average at like 250. I'm going to be in New Brunswick, New Jersey on March 8th. And then I'm going to be in New Brunswick, New Jersey on March 8th and then I'm going to be in Providence April 10th and 11th and I am adding a ton of dates coming to a lot of cities. It's going

to be Phoenix, San Diego, Dallas, Chicago, Philadelphia, Boston, That's a lot of cities. All over. So just stay tuned for that. And watch these two guys play Madden tonight, Thursday night football, watch it live on Road.com. Yeah, my tickets are at punchup.live slash transisels.

Thank you guys. Oh wait, I still am curious about this. No, no, you just don't. Yeah, high-end PCs peak or get up to 200 FPS and PlayStations get around 100. PlayStation caps it 120. Okay. PCs can go up to 300.

So it's like playing a different game. If you're waiting for that information. There are people that are waiting for that information. I would highly recommend a few other podcasts. I'm gonna be in Atlanta this weekend or whatever you wanna call it. Cause a lot of people are mad that I say it's Atlanta, but it's called Atlanta Helium.

So not really much I can do about that. Have your site a website.com for tickets. So it's faster? Yeah. Close was over, still, still underground. So I looked older, till you came around. To you, came a round I was only falling one way I was only falling one way Days were drifting

Drifting, full, full of desire So, so then you listen Now, I come alive I was only falling one way I was only falling one way I was only falling one way I was only falling one way See you just a distant light Being fast forever bright Calling just a memory

Take my hand and you can see I'm Falling down Falling down Falling down Falling down Falling down Falling down Oh To your right Did you realize Don't walk or take me alive I don't want to own you, don't really want to love you, want to say you're mine

I just want to steal you Take some comfort from you I'll pretend that everything is just fine There's comfort in this isolation But it's got an awful reputation Wasting precious time Don't say you love me How can you want me When I don't know how

To let you get that close to me Can I believe in something When I ever belong to someone When I don't want to show you It's just my bones are for you The rest of me is mine It's love that I don't trust you It's really not about you So please don't try to get inside What I can't find It's a growing fascination More than just a recreation It's a constant state of mind

Don't say you love me How can you want me When I don't know how To let you get that close to me Can I believe in something Will I ever belong to someone When I don't know how To get that close

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Can I believe in something? Will I ever belong to someone? When I don't know how To get that close So don't say you're lost, please And how can you want me When I don't know how To let you get that close to me That close to me, that close to me, yeah To get that close