Son of a Boy Dad - Francis Ellis | Son of a Boy Dad #127

Episode Date: August 8, 2023

Francis Ellis | Son of a Boy Dad #127You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, son of a boy dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Yes. And then I said, I don't even want the handicap. Are we recording? Is this happening right now? Because this feels like pretty good stuff.

You're like a Lex Friedman built robot. Like mechanically, every angle is absolutely perfect. Imagine if robots had bad posture. Is this a start? Yeah, this is a start. Francis Ellis on the show. Big get for us. Big podcast star in the big city of New York.

Barstool sports star. And you're kicking off a run of guests for us am i yeah you guys are gonna have to lean heavily on your guests biggest why why do you say that you've run out of things to talk about yeah pretty much we have nothing to talk about having to do the yak every day yeah we just it's actually impressive that we plumb the depths we should be fucking exploding right now like that billionaire submarine how deep we're going with these convos but with you in here you're a breath of fresh air well i appreciate that i always like mixing it up with you guys for some reason on this show i feel like uh you you know i

i i'm in a good position i feel like funny shit's about to happen we'll change that you guys lift us up not not you so much, but definitely Brown. That's my dog. But you have a kinship with both of us. It's not like there's an unbalanced relationship. You and Hairball over here. Hairball. Have the stand-up thing going on.

Yeah, we do. Totally. And me and you work for the same company. Well, we live. Me and you do work for Barstool. And we live in the same building. And we also live in the same building. But before we get into all that,

I'm going to be in Philly this weekend. Five shows. I posted an Instagram about it. I know, that was really nice. I posted an Instagram with the link for it. I thought it was a joke at first because I saw you just screenshotted mine. And then I put the link over the top.

I know, it was cool. Thank you. If you don't have the money now for Harry's wildly expensive tickets. They're not expensive. They're the same price as yours. I will be in Philadelphia in April of 2024. How do you already know that?

You know, we're going to be in April of next year. I was surprised to find out that I had a date that far out as well. But yeah, they book. They book that far out. I'm going to be in Pittsburgh in April of next year. Oh, nice. but i'm gonna be in philly this weekend this guy's giving me shit and he has the exact same issue that i how could you possibly know what's going on in the future but i'm gonna be in philly i'm gonna be

in philly this weekend yeah packed out house philly helium great club big guests if it was really packed you wouldn't have to talk about it. Beware, buyers, the $25 list price for his ticket, that doesn't show you all the fees associated with that ticket. It actually ends up being a lot more expensive than that. Then there's the two-drink minimum. But it's a good bang for your buck. You're going to want to save your money for April of 2024 for Hilly Helium. It's a great night out.

You buy it now, and then by then, inflation will have gone to such a rate where you're getting a big bargain. Francis's tickets are $50 for general admission. $50 for a date? He thinks he's Chris Rock. You get a t-shirt, and you get a meet and greet. Hell no.

You get a free vinyl on the set. Hell no. And a friend for life. Pictures. You get access. What's more valuable than access to a touring comedian? There's nothing more valuable than just five minutes with a touring comic. But yeah, I'm going to be in Philly this weekend.

Thursday is pretty much sold out. So if you wanted to go to that, sorry. You're going to have to go to Friday or Saturday. So good luck. Five shows. See you guys out there. Five just phenomenal shows. It's going to be magical, magical evenings.

History is going to be made this weekend at Philly Helium. Is that where Matt McCusker filmed his special? It is. I'll be gracing the stage this weekend. Whoa. You don't deserve that. I'm thinking that I'm probably going to bring the thunder this weekend. No, I could see

you bringing the thunder. I hate when I'm not prepared to bring the thunder and then I just end up bringing it anyway. That stinks. I i did not expect to have to bring the thunder tonight then it just queefs out of you and then it just slips out anyway whoops i just let some thunder rip i just let it rip i listened to my full helium set last from last year and my god was that the most painful thing i've ever had to do i had to listen to it on 150 speed because i couldn't listen to it normally i just had to see what i did uh only only um i only go to the jokes that i'm i'm working on really so i just i

just will skip to the part where i'm like okay and i And I'll even put in my voice note, I'll label it like stand Thursday, listen to the joke about that because I said something funny about that. I feel like you have a healthy enough relationship with yourself where you can like, you're palatable to you. Yeah, I'm not bothered by me,

but I'm just, I don't, I get bored. I don't like- It's like, I know where this this is going yeah oh i love i love playing back the hits i can't believe i said that that was so funny i said that i can't believe how fucking funny that was it was a funny show last time and no like like my boys were dying laughing like the second show much they watched your same act back to back and they were lying they were dying laughing this one is going to be stupid the uh the amount the the pace that i was talking this is why i don't drink anymore before going up but the pace i was talking last night or last year was like i sounded like i was od'ing on like xanax oh i just got a prescription refill of xanax oh fuck yeah fuck yeah. Which I'm so stoked about.

Only for flying long flights. Yeah. Were you Xanned up when we were going to San Fran? No. You were barred out and you didn't tell me? San Fran. What the hell? Dude, I didn't need any Xana out there.

I was on that weed. It was like a seven-hour flight. Oh, no, I didn't Xan it up. Remember I played that game you taught me the entire time? Oh, the swipe game with Aberton? I don't even think I sat back with my back against the seat. I fell asleep and I woke up and you were still playing. The screen was so far forward that I just had to sit forward the entire time.

And I had a splitting headache. Remember how bad my headache was? Yeah, you were being a little bit of a drama queen. From that. Rolling around in the green room. I was in Advil! I did in anvil i did need anvil because you taught me that goddamn game i know 2024 it also had nothing to do with the game that was 100 playing a video game for like two hours and was like this is fucking up all my entire dna that's not right that's not right it wasn't two

hours my tna it was the flight out which is six seven and then i downloaded it on my phone because you kept making fun of me for not being able to beat it i beat it like 10 times yeah because you didn't have a childhood no it was it's just an easy game i showed him how to never went outside i showed him how to beat the game in one simple step and he was like no that's not the right way that didn't work he tried to come up with his like own algorithm to beat the game it didn't work the way you said tried to come up with his own algorithm to beat the game. It didn't work the way you said it would. It did.

And then finally I did beat it, but even then... You beat it like three months later. It took me a long time because I had to delete it. Did he use his algorithm? I tried, but he oversimplified it

and it wasn't that simple. It wasn't that simple, but it is that simple. Oh, no. That's what you need to stick to. That's your overarching strategy. But sometimes you have to make adjustments.

The fact that he's even writing code for a game to play is insane. Just mentally writing a little code for your airplane game. It's not an airplane. It's a phone game originally. Sometimes I think about sending him back to college. I think you could. I think we should pay for it. He was a...

Okay. You guys don't have the option to send me back to college. We could send you to college. Put you in high school. I could send you to college. Put you in high school. I could send you to boarding school, dude. You could be at a Northeast boarding school with the hockey players real fast, dude. Hell no. It's either college or the Merchant Marines for you, boy.

I left for Philly this weekend. Everything changes after Philly. I guess you do make a lot of money when you charge that much. They lose everything. I have the standard headlining price. I don't even choose how much they are. And if they ever were above $25, I would say put them back down to $25. I think they're $26, though.

So I should talk to someone and say drop those back down to $25 now. $26? You should come in with $300. That's not me. I'm not choosing that price. That's helium. They choose that price. In these times.

If it was me, free. Knowing that your audience skews younger, no less. They're in starter jobs. They're in starter jobs. They're not, you know. They skew minority, too. And so they're underpaid as is. It's a lot of underpaid minorities.

It's a lot of underpaid. It's a lot of minority teens. He actually red lines the seating chart of his audience he basically yeah he's like all right those nosebleed seats in the back give those to anyone that looks uh unlike me he definitely does but it's cool i like do like the billy joel where i bring i bring all the the poor people up front doesn't billy joel do that doesn't he like isn't he like i go to the last row of the stadium and i get them and i bring them right up front oh didn't they like bring homeless people into some award show one time

or something but they only let them like walk by the front row they like could like wave not gonna risk that they probably were causing a goddamn ruckus probably stinking up the yeah those are the same people that show up for stinky boys i've just rolled through those are homeless people no they're the people that go to the union square for the ps5 giveaway i was there no those are all i'm not surprised those are all white 17 year olds that sit like start every sentence with bro bro bro wanted to bro wanted to shoot the cops bro bro thought he was gonna kill the cops with the skull emoji bro tried to throw a plant at the cops to kill them do you

think people are going to be using emojis in real life in the future like the way people say lol out loud yeah when yates had lol today on the yak they did yeah just thinking about that for a little bit he's a little too old for that hate is is of age. Hate's younger than you. Yeah, but I'm saying he's too old to do that. Old ass. Old head. I know. And you don't hear me, LOL and out loud. I'm 34. Old head. Ah, no, you're not that old, Roan.

Yeah, one year older. Speaking of that, I saw someone that I went to high school with at a bar this weekend on Saturday. A girl who was like two years older than me and how's she doing that i barely knew i'm saying like is she decaying she looked fine she but she was she did this thing she did this one thing that i've been thinking about non-stop where she was like oh my parents always ask me about you like if i ever see you out and stuff in new york and she's like i remember when you were just like this big. And I'm like,

you were one year older than me. You were the same height. It's like, what are you, why are you talking to me? Like, why are you talking to me? Like I was six years old and you were 20.

That's crazy. Well, she's proud of you. I remember when you were just little, just little tiny. A little 11th grader on breast milk. Yeah. But,

but okay. Here's my question. Uh, what is the age gap you need in terms of hiring a babysitter? How much older does a babysitter need to be than your children? I had babysitters that were like five years older than me. Five? Is that the year?

The number of years? I think I had ones closer. I think I had ones closer than five, which is not right. Probably me too. Really? I think it's a little bit too close. I think I had babysitters that were like my older sister's friends. Yeah.

She's one year older than me. Come on. Maybe I think it's also part of just like the idea of just being with a duo. There's a duo. There's two of you guys there. You're not just there running solo. Like someone's going to be like, yeah, maybe don't drink bleach right now. You know what I mean?

I was being a rascal to a babysitter one time and he slammed me up against the wall. What? And I was like, Mom, he slammed me. And she didn't hire him again. You told on him? Obviously not. I told on him. You told on him.

I told on my babysitter all the time. I guess slamming me against the wall was. But I always felt guilty on it. I was like, damn, I lost that guy's job. But if he did slam me up. Slamming a child against the wall as a babysitter is not a good idea one time we had um this dude babysitting us my sister and me and he brought a friend yeah we had buddy but that was fine but then they cooked us dinner and they made eggs they made scrambled

eggs for us and they they uh made us six eggs and it was supposed to be sort of dinner for everyone. And they put it on the serving plate. But the serving plate they used was just a regular plate. Six eggs is not a lot. And so I just started eating it. And they were going and making other things. And then they turned back and I had eaten it all. And they thought it was – I had eaten everyone's dinner.

They thought you were naughty? Well, they were just astounded. Six eggs is like six eggs is not a lot of eggs especially for a growing boy how old were you probably eight eight years old that is a hearty plate of eggs but good plate of eggs i'd be more suspicious of these two men who were coming to your house to cook together i know like some fucking call me by your name shit whoa i like that yeah good reference uh well they did let us watch keenan and kel strong reference i hate you they let you watch keenan and kel while

they made out in the other room i think we watched keenan and kel we watched all that because those two always were back to back yeah it was all these were tv shows i'm aware tv shows were what happened before youtube youtube's like early streaming shit yeah no secret life of alex max shows actually were never on youtube it's like youtube i was trying to contextualize it for you dumb ass hairball what are you what are you sad that you missed and i didn't miss anything yeah you did from our generation what what did i miss that's my question black and white television what else what else keep it coming i don't know what do you look back on that we had that you didn't have what you're sad about

a five and ten uh like toy store five cents ten cents for everything the toy store i i i had a pretty normal childhood we used to have this game and it was a ring and a stick and you would hit the stick to along and it would just roll down the stick ring it was incredible sounds miserable yeah it sounds so insanely boring you just beat that thing till you know it fell you guys were playing with fucking wood we had these things called lincoln logs i had lincoln logs lincoln logs brio yeah i had a big old can of lincoln logs lincoln logs came in a big big tube yeah you'd empty them all out you make a little house it's interesting

before the internet you missed that nope i was alive when we didn't have the internet no you weren't i guess not do you remember 9-11 we didn't have like a computer in our house you weren't. I guess not. Do you remember 9-11? We didn't have like a computer in our house. You didn't have 9-11. We had 9-11. I was alive for 9-11. But you didn't have it. You weren't conscious. That was our thing.

You didn't get scared. Yeah, I did. No, you didn't. I called my mom. You didn't have it. Yes, I did. You didn't. You didn't get 9-11.

You don't get to claim 9-11. Like you were spooked. I called my mom and made sure she was safe. When someone's like, do you remember where you were on 9-11 you can't say yes because you were too young you were the size of a cell phone you were driving home from the grocery store with my mother oh you were driving driving the car i can ask her right now she would say the exact same thing no you weren't you were in utero you were a glint in your father's eye. Your mom was deciding whether or not to keep you. We found out through the radio. And we were so fucking scared.

You guys were sitting around the radio like a family. Because we just didn't know what was going on. How old were you? There was another plane. He was zero years old. I was in seventh grade. We didn't know if the planes were going to come for the grocery stores in suburban Massachusetts. Come on.

What age were you actually? 9-11. That was 2001. What year were you actually? 9-11. That was 2001. What year were you born? 2001. Oh, so he really was. Yes, he was the size of a cell phone. I was born in April 2001.

I was probably, what, six months old? Yeah. Not even. You were five months. We were so fucking scared. Yeah. I'll never forget that day. I remember I looked at my mom and I said, everything is going to change.

You put down the tit and looked at the TV. I said, everything changes right now. You took your binky out of your mouth, fucking your jaw dropped. Yeah, I said, all that just pulling up to the airport five minutes before your flight, all of that changes. I feel like this is a big thing that we have that he doesn't get. He's like, oh, what did you guys have? Fucking baked in trauma, Islamophobia. You guys must have been really scared in Philly.

You guys had your own 9-11. We were right there. You were doing it to yourselves. It wasn't even so much that we were scared. You know what we really had, though, was we had camaraderie. Yes. And we had patriotism. I remember when George Bush threw out that first pitch.

Don't tell me you remember. You just remember that from watching it on YouTube yesterday. I remember I looked at my mom and I said, if he did not throw a perfect strike there, this country could have crumbled. Yes. That's really how you joke. But that's really how it was. It was. We were so unified against terrorism yes yeah and and the

big thing we did the big thing we did in rural maine was uh when when we all get to a four corner stop four stop signs four cars arriving similar times someone would say go ahead and then the next guy would be like no no no you go and there was so much go ahead so much graciousness so much generosity of spirit we are fellow americans we're all in this together yep that people would just sit in their cars at four stops four corner stops for like 10 minutes yeah red and blue they all set down the flags the democrats the republicans the bloods the crips everybody was with one another everyone was joined and the usa chants you should have fucking heard that you should have heard that was the only time

this country's ever actually been united. You might have heard them in the womb, actually. It's not in the womb. The USA chants. I was out of the womb. You hop back into the womb like a kangaroo. You slept in the womb up to nine months. I know that about you.

Climb back in. But the USA chants at every sporting event. Big deal. They were fucking sick, dude. Have you ever even done a usa chant yeah you probably have are ashamed to do a usa chant yeah you probably got a usa chant recently kneel for the anthem i don't know i'm trying to remember isn't that funny we used to do usa chants at sporting events now we fucking kneel for the his whole generation kneeling for the anthem

it's like thanks a lot fuck yeah i remember when the Boston bombing happened I had a very similar feeling to how I felt on 9-11 where it's just pure you're so scared and you just don't know you probably felt radicalized I think it's the fear of the unknowing the fear of not knowing

you know what I mean that's how I if you ever run another marathon under attack, dude, then imagine that by times 1000. He can't, you can't even imagine. I was alive.

Your brain's too small. You weren't alive. Yes, I was. I don't, I don't count life for me starting until I was four. I would say four, four.

Yeah. I think it's two to four. You weren't a lot. You weren't a child when it was nine 11. Yeah, no, I was four. I would say four. Yeah, four. Yeah, I think it's two to four. Because you weren't a lot. You weren't a child when it was 9-11. Yeah. No, I was a full man. I was a man.

I almost got drafted. You were not a man. They were drafting seventh and eighth graders at that time. They were drafting me because we could fit in the caves. How old were you?

I was eight. You said you were seventh grade. Seventh grade? Was it 12, 13? You were not 13. Sure was. You were in seventh grade. Yes, you are. What are you talking about? 1989, bro. Oh, yeah 12 13 13 you were not 13 sure it was great yes you are what are you talking about 1989 bro oh yeah i guess you were 13 12 12 or something put respect on his fucking name dude put respect on his life okay let's take a second and talk about game time game time the exclusive ticketing partner of barstool sports i have been tearing it up on

the concert circuit thanks to game time and it was tyler childers this past week it was so good it was so fun and it was all thanks to the good folks over there at game time last minute tickets the best price guaranteed guaranteed created by fans for fans and can we talk about the interface can we talk about that interface real quick it's so smooth to interface purchase process jake takes just two taps and it's just it's just needed you can do it you can get it all done in 10 seconds it's faster than the other sites there's no extra fees i can do this off the top of my head with how much i'm using game time totally totally but i'll finish it off with the script and once you buy your tickets they're delivered directly to your phone no printer needed the app also allows you to easily share tickets with

friends via text so you can get into the game seamlessly no waiting around saying hey i'm here are you here with the tickets send me the tickets it's that easy skip the hassle and enjoy the moment download the game time app or go to the website enter your email and redeem code boy dad for 20 off your first purchase terms apply terms apply back to the website. Enter your email and redeem code BOYDAD for $20 off your first purchase. Terms apply. Terms apply. Back to the show. It's interesting.

He's lived through some shit. You haven't seen shit. You think that George Floyd riots were like what you had. Like that was your exposure to national trauma. That's all you've got. I thought it was about to be the George Floyd riots. Again, with the Kai Senat shit. Why?

People in the streets. It's like a familiar feeling. The riots in the streets. It is that feeling of just fear. Of just wondering. Of it's like, could I break into Macy's right now and steal something? If I wore the right clothes, would they identify me as the one who broke into the Louis Vuitton section of Macy's? The reason that 9-11 started was because

the whole reason that it happened was because Osama bin Laden was doing a meet-up and he was giving away PlayStation 2s. PlayStation 1s, yeah. Originals. He had Game Boys that he was giving away. He heard a rumor that there was a large quantity of PlayStation 1s.

In the top of the Twin Towers. there was a large quantity of PlayStation 1s. Allah, crash the bandicoot, the warp, the Allah. That feels cuttable. I think it sticks. It's historic. That's what happens. I'm just saying what I read. I'm not saying it's true.

Don't shoot the messenger. He was trying to give away a bunch of... Was it Game Boys or was it PS1s? PS... I think it was PS2s. I want to say it was PS2s with the SingStar extension. It comes with the microphones. And those were tough to get.

And he was flying them in. And he was flying them in. And it was a cloudy day. And there was just... I mean, in the cockpit, they started fighting over who would get one. Who could, like, smuggle however many on. Who wanted the blue microphone versus who got the red microphone. I want to be player one.

Oh, I want to be player one. What is that tower? 9-11. Oh. Yeah. Just accidentally. Just on accident. A lot of people died, Harry.

I don't know if... He just doesn't get it. Trivializing 9-11. Accidentally. Just on accident. A lot of people died, Harry. He just doesn't get it. Trivializing 9-11. He just doesn't understand it. Don't tell him this guy. It's okay. He just literally can't comprehend. He can't wrap his mind around it. Well, to him, it's just that first paragraph of the Wikipedia page on 9-11.

That's all he... That's his... I don't have to read the Wikipedia page. I wrote the Wikipedia page. 11 that's all he that's his i don't have to read the wikipedia page the frame of wikipedia page it's it's true the black cloud of death good segment that was fun we're fucking ripping today it is it was a good app it is a fucking blast good you're setting us off on our journey of having fucking guests on this show well hair, Hairball and I have this kind of big brother, little brother relationship. And we get a little competitive, but we never get mad.

Yeah. That's what makes it so fun. Totally. It is. It makes it. Well, you just bring, you just, you don't let him be sad for too long. You let him, leave him to his own devices. He's just going to get all sad.

You bring out that. It's just the opposite. I'm so happy when I'm by myself. You bring out the mirth out of him. Yeah, we need a little mirth. I woke up early this morning, threw on a podcast on the TV, had some coffee. You did? Had a great time.

Just laughed in my shaft off at only 9 a.m. What show were you watching at 9? I was watching... I've never heard that phrase before. Nor have I. And I just love the image of someone... I haven't heard that since 9-11. That was the last time we said it.

Yeah. They retired that phrase. We don't say that anymore. There's nothing to laugh about. What's so funny? 9-11? Shaft was... Ever since those elevator shafts.

We don't joke about shafts. Well done. I was wondering how we could get there. Tie that in yeah um i was watching dan soder's new podcast with lewis gomez and joe list and bobby kelly that came up on my uh really fucking funny it was funny yeah they just kept comparing themselves to protect our parks and it was hilarious what was it what's it called the regs the regs and do they all do it together is it going to be them every week or they were guests on the first episode i think it's supposed to be them

every week but i don't know if it's weekly or monthly or what that shit is fire you were laughing the shaft i was laughing my fucking shaft prove it show your stump it's got a stump see it can what's the head still there but the shaft is gone it It's all head now. Like removing the leaf of your table. Like the dining room table. It just consolidated. The leaf of the table. I haven't heard that in a fucking while. Your leaf.

Tables do have leaves. I remember my dad used to, when we were, it was like a holiday coming up. We were like, come on, we're going to go put the leaf in. Put the leaf in.

And that was always a fucking nightmare. Wait, is the leaf the middle? Or is the leaf the ends? The leaf is the middle that extends it and usually maybe there's two leaves we had okay yeah and i remember my dad just like just the noises he was letting out while trying to put the leaf in and i would be like i think it's in because you have to like line it up perfectly to get the two pieces to go in smoothly

but it was always like it he would come up to my room with like the look of just like a weight. Like he was so mad that he had to put the leaf in and he knew it was going to be terrible. We both knew. And you want to just leave it in. I feel like your family was big enough where you could have just left the leaf in.

I don't know why we didn't. I never understood why we didn't just leave it in or just get a bigger table. Well, it takes up a lot of room. It was, the leaf was like this big. It was adding like two dinner spots max. Well, maybe, you know, your parents were aware

that to have a normal dinner for whatever, four people? Six. But like your typical dinner without the leaf end is four, right? No, six. How many siblings do you have? Three.

Oh. And then when you had company, you would have the leaf? When it was like Thanksgiving or Christmas or something, we were having people over, we'd go get the leaf. Okay.

So the table looks right with six seats around it. And then to make it eight, you walk into that room and you say, that table's way too big for this family. They would make it like ten. Yeah.

So you just said two seats, now it's four seats. Well, no, because you're forgetting about the heads of the table. You fools. You only thought about the sides. The doctor was a woman. Clearly you're not thinking about the head. It was an ice pick. One, two, three, four, five. You haven't even told us the shape of the table.

I pictured it being round on the edges. You don't add a leaf to a round. You can make a round one and a long oval. You don't add a leaf to a round table, Francis. Yes, you certainly could. An oblong table you could. You fool. The ends could be rounded.

No, no, no, no, no. You'd have to put like a whole other table around it. What was the most people that came over to your house for a holiday? Dude, all of my family members live in the same town. Would they all go to your house though? Or would you rotate? So some years it would be everybody at your house. It depends.

Christmas, usually my cousin. Or Christmas, usually our Christmas Eve, our house. Christmas, my grandparents. Thanksgiving, my cousins. But we used to go to Chicago for Thanksgiving because my cousins used to live in chicago interesting how was the most people you would you guys would have over grown up well we did host a thanksgiving one year and we had you know two sets of aunts and uncles two grandparents and then about seven or eight cousins yeah are you at the big table the big table like 16 to 18 18 people something like that hey um well we all packed in around the table you

didn't have a kid's table well no not that year that i'm thinking of now kid's table was the best the kid's table is the best kid's table you're just throwing down like chicken fingers i have three sons i have requested to be seated at the the kids table at weddings i still sit at the kids typically that gets me uninvited yeah i'm sure i said i'm still i'm 22 and i'm still not allowed at the grown grown-ups table i could see that there's not enough seats they're like no you guys are always going to be at the kids table kids table rocks man kids table I think a lot of people would disagree with that. I think a lot of people think of it as an indignity to be. A lot of people want to get moved up to the grownups table.

And then you get moved up to the grownups table once. And you're like, this sucks. Yeah, grownups table. Bring me back to the kids table. Now we just get fucked up at the kids table. I met some kids this weekend. 20 beers. I met some kids this weekend who,

that was a funny bit. We can keep talking about that. No, no, no. No, it wasn't even a bit. You found something. And I didn't want to, I was pivoting off, some kids this weekend who um that was a funny bet we can keep talking about that no no no no it wasn't even a bit you found something and i didn't want to i was pivoting off but then you had you had some gas oh no i've always got gas brother he has some gas in the tank and i now want to i feel bad for just try and keep up well i was moving on i was moving ahead and then you said i already moved on wait and you're still going about this. There's more.

Hold on. And then I backtracked. I moved on an hour ago. I feel like you want to talk about drinking at the kids table. I don't. 10 beers, getting fucked up. Ha ha. No.

No. It seems like you're insecure. No, no. I'm polite. You didn't even know you could drink at the kids table. That's why. Well. That's what it's about. Typically, if I'm there, I want to be like them and i'm having a root beer or something yeah that's lame relating to the kids well it creates this conversation starter because then you're like them they trust you next thing you know people are opening up and

it's more fun are you still going on about the kids table brother and we moved on from that that was your topic choice no it wasn't you were like drinking kids table one that was like i like to sit at the kids table at weddings because i want to look at all the little kids i said leafs in passing and you're like oh leafs leafs there's something here let's leave we had something there i was glad we got into leafs we did cover leafs we had a lot of time on leafs i we i think we devoted enough that was good that was good we sank our teeth into that yeah okay so that was just the offshoot of leaves. What were you going to say, Francis? At this point, I'm not sure it's worthy. We got, well, there's only one way for us to find out.

I'm sure it's worthy. After the fact, we could be like, okay. I'm going to be in Philly this weekend, by the way. Yeah. Five shows. For a hundred fucking bucks a ticket. Five shows. He's chopping off your hand at the door like a thief in Agrabah.

Like a thief in the night. I met some kids this week. Weekend. I met some kids. Children? Yeah. I met some kids and they didn't know me and they liked me without knowing me, which was cool. That's fire. Yeah, they didn't know my name and one of them had a pacifier. They know you worked at Barstool though?

No, I don't think they... They weren't like, we've seen you on Barstoolstool well they probably knew but they couldn't place me yeah yeah they probably were like i've seen that guy yeah what do you how do i know you what age are we talking about so i think one was probably two and a half to three ish oh so they definitely watch pizza reviews at least yeah yeah they saw me stop traffic on the shoulder. Yeah. They know chicken fry stuff. Yeah.

They're BFFs fans primarily, but they'll watch an occasional pizza review and then tune in to like part of my taken football season. Makes sense. So they, one of the kids had a pacifier, but it was like it had a giraffe attachment. It was a very dangly pacifier. So it was had a pacifier, but it had a giraffe attachment. It was a very dangly pacifier.

So it was like a pacifier, and then there was this big stuffed animal that came off of it. Seems heavy. And he came up to me and tried to feed one of the legs of the giraffe into my mouth. And then I took it, and then we played tug of war. Like a dog, right? Yeah. Very interesting. And it was a really good

game and both of us videos of joe biden doing that yeah yeah yeah just like that that might be the very one actually that's exactly like a fucking whole ass that's a hassle that's too much binky yeah way too much you don't want a heavy binky that's gonna hurt the neck that's yeah this kid's gonna have a tequila spikes neck. Look, I wasn't about to shame him for the weight of his binky. Well, I would be shaming the parents. I don't do that. Everybody parents their own way. You should start. Everyone's on their own journey.

Okay, so you're gnawing on this binky. I'm playing tug of war with him and he's giggling his head off. We haven't talked to each other. Yeah, because he can't understand words. Well, he can't speak because he's got a pacifier in his mouth. i had chosen the right way to play the game i was like we're gonna play tug of war and then he's giggling he's giggling and i let go and he flies backwards and then he comes and he goes again again more you know so we do it probably 10 more times

and then his sister got involved and she's two years older, maybe a year and a half older. And she was sort of, I don't know, getting more, um, like aggressive with the game. Like he was pulling with his mouth, but she was pulling with her arms. And so then I pretended that the strength of the two combined children was actually pulling me out of the chair. And my grand finale was to tumble onto the floor and then they jumped on me and we all like pig pile. That was really fun. Yeah, it sounds like a gag. Really fun. Sounds great.

My ideal Friday night. That does sound fun as fuck, bro. It was awesome. That was probably like playing with a gaggle of new puppies. Yeah, I get excited when parents see that I'm really taking over the play and that I'm relating to the kids. Oh, he's going to be a great dad yes that guy i want that i want that the problem was no undertone none and no introduction i didn't know

the kids names they didn't know my name they just knew i was a friend here's an ally i'm gonna hang out with that guy problem was this was right before bed and i wound them up so it took a long time to put them down. So were the parents a little bit upset with you? It was hard to tell. They seemed to like that I had done that because they were like, well, now they'll sleep better because they had some exercise kind of stuff.

Took them for a walk. But without saying it, I could tell they were like, next time maybe come an hour earlier if you're going to play that game. Definitely. If you're going to play that game. Definitely. If you're going to play rope tug with my children. Yeah. If you're going to tug of war with your teeth with my children.

I mean, it was feral. Do you guys have plans to play again? Feral. I hope so. The family was awesome. They were super cool people. I liked them a lot. Just really cool.

We played ping pong. It was fucking great. You dominate in ping pong or what? We were honestly, we were just having such a good time that we weren't even playing. We weren't even, we were just rallying. Yeah. Did you ever, did you ever contemplate like sneaking back being like, this ping pong is not even scratching the itch.

I didn't even come close. I'll be honest with you. I want to go play. I had eaten some hallucinogenic mushroom chocolates. Oh, okay. And so I had no interest in trying to create a competitive environment. Wait, were you on the mushrooms when you were chewing with the kids? I had taken them at that point, but I don't know if they had set in yet.

They must have because it felt great. Having kids jump on you, people's elbow, my rib cage, I loved it. I was laughing my head off. I loved it. I was laughing my head off. I loved it. Yeah. That is the dream. Just to be on a bunch of mushrooms. That's what I'm with the parents we're mad about.

Yeah. You're tripping balls, like throwing their kids around. No one was mad. The parents are furious. Yeah. They loved it. They loved it. We were dragging them around.

See, that was worthwhile. Yeah. That was worthwhile to bring up. That was the story. Where was this? That was on saturday where uh we went upstate went out to like the hudson valley that was good time that's upstate that's classic upstate activity i've seen i i saw a fucking ad for a boutique hotel in the hudson

valley and oh boy so fucking kitschy and fancy and i think i know which one you're talking about it's some of the auberge one maybe were're talking about. Is it the Aubert's one? Maybe. Or I don't know. It might have been smaller. It might have been more boutique-y. They just built a big time hotel up there. Up to Albany. How long did it take to get to the Hudson Valley? Two hours?

Our place is like two hours away. You take the train or you drive? I took the train both ways. I took the train this morning. I got on the 7.11am train. That was early. I was already up. I took the train both ways. I took the train this morning. Nice. I got on the 7.11 a.m. train. That was early. I was already up. I doubt it. I was up laughing. I was still up. I was already on my second cup. Laughing shaft.

Yeah. That's why you were having that panic attack today? That's why you've been begging him for some of his Xanax? I wasn't having a panic attack today. You said right before the act started, you're like, I should not have drank all that coffee. I drank too much coffee. I was a little jittery. I wasn't having a panic attack. You would know if I was having a panic attack.

Would we? How does it look? Help! Come on. Do you yell for help? Yeah. Call 911. Call 911.

Call 911. Do you feel like you're having a heart attack? A heart attack? Yes. Can you breathe? No. How many have you had? Two.

Where did they happen? In my car. Really? Both both as you were driving yes what brought them on do you know no just random like tony soprano completely random driving my friend home was this while you were at uh out of out of high school and college no i was in high school at this point. For both of them? Yes. But that's why you got on the other stuff. Kind of. That makes sense. You have panic attacks.

Scary as fuck. Oh, yeah. I was paralyzed. You were? Yeah, I couldn't move. Couldn't bend my legs. Driving? Did you have anything to do with your residual fear from 9-11? It stemmed. It was stemmed unprocessed trauma it definitely

was like i was yeah i was having flashbacks i was thinking about it you're driving along the road by the pentagon you know that the plane was flying right over the highway just like parallel to the road on the way into the pentagon i did know that i don't know shit about that i remember hearing about that i was like like, it's crazy. I watched it with my own eyes. Yeah, me too. Yeah, right, dude. All right, guys, I want to talk to you a little bit about groove life.

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I mean, you can't beat this stuff with a stick no this is good this is good stuff all right back to the show if you don't fucking know well speaking of the pentagon i will be in arlington virginia at the draft house in november oh i think and if you want to go to see someone at the draft house before that, I believe I'll be there in October. Yeah, but again, if you want to get price gouged, go to Harry. If you want to get your bang for your buck, come see your boy. You're paying for a better show is what you're doing.

I don't know about that. I don't think that's true. You're paying for quality. You're paying for an experience. It's like going to the box. You go see my show. What's like going to the box. You go see my show and you're What do you know about the box? You leave like a changed man.

Have you been to the box? That was shocking. That was stunning. I'm scared. I'm happy. He's never been to the box. I haven't been to the box either though. I've been but I wasn't happy to be going. Yeah.

I don't like it tyler went tyler went recently i went like last night that was like two weeks ago people just say they've had a good time when they go did you have a good time no yeah i had a terrible no i had a lot of fun but the show is nothing i'd pay for it was it was a free ticket so overrated i heard that some of the times you can just get ripped off and there's not even any naked people on stage. There was just naked people everywhere. Yeah, I've heard. I looked it up and I was reading about it.

It said sometimes there's just a normal like magic show or some shit. It was a little Wednesday night, weekday box. Yeah. It's just for the moment box. That's when it hits though. That's when the real creeps go. Yeah, when they staple their nut sacks to their breast milk. There was stuff

like that and it was a you see that rosebud character uh is that the one that like shit out all the soup yeah yep that is so dumb i don't even know why anyone characters stick the shaft of a plunger all the way up their asshole yeah no yeah i did that and then it's stuck like soup down it in a diaper and then like oh yeah triple h spit it out but yeah it's crazy that that's like uh disgusting that's work and they're just at the job and like they're between like shifts there's probably like a break room and that they're just eating turkey sandwiches and shit like that like going to work every single night and putting a stick up your ass the girl did that with a sword and then turned out she was a sword swallower

but we found out after it was just up her ass. Is that like something that like is that like just like a glorified version of like

a freak show? Yeah. It's like a smog machine. Are the people like hot? Is it like hot people doing this? No, but good looking people go.

Yeah. It's a very trendy place and has been for many years now i wonder if there's they gotta shut that place down i wonder about the stuff that you can't like find online and get tickets to like the businessmen meetings and shit like that like that the high-end finance like guys who have been in the game for 20 years and they're like tired of like the boxes, child's play to them eating sushi off people. Yes.

I played in an underground poker game once that was high end and it was so cool. Really? Yeah. What do we, what are we talking about? High end? What do you mean? High?

Well, like you had to, you had to know a person and there was a password and you went in and then it was like just in this, you know, it was like just in this you know it was like Molly's game type of thing but they had real poker tables set up and then there was a TV

and sports were on and there was like a bartender what was what was the password I don't remember you got to remember there may not have been a password but you like had to have so exclusive then was it or you have have to know if you say someone on the list. Sounds like you just went to a casino.

Yeah, we had to show our IDs to get in. Bring you drinks. There was poker tables. Owen used to go to a shipping container to play. Owen used to play in shipping containers. What? Yeah. That's awesome.

One guy who spoke English, he'm just guessing yeah it's just all asian bros in a shipping container smoking cigs inside so it's like uh yours is obviously not that i'll raise you i'll raise you that estonian woman over there yeah it was definitely taken just sitting on that pile of bananas they definitely just were drug induced sex slaves in a good in a good and positive way. Definitely a positive way. But that shit has to be going on in New York. I mean, there has to be some weird ass...

What movie is it where they're like ass to ass? You mean Santa Pete? No, it was like Requiem for a Dream or some shit like that. Or 25th Hour or some shit like that. I know in that, was it Enemy with Jake Gyllenllenhaal have you seen that in the beginning of that he goes to one of those like weird sex freak places and it's just a bunch of like rich dudes sitting around watching that's you got to be a real freak to go to that stuff and just sit and watch by yourself that's unrealistic it was someone's birthday at the table we were at and like one of the like the

waitresses came over he's like oh let let's get you your famous birthday drink. Whipped out her whole tit and rang it like a towel. She came in and then she made the chick drink it. And she was like, it was her birthday. And she was traumatized. Wait, it was breast milk? It was something. She rang her breast out?

Yeah, like a towel. It was like. Wait, hold on. I'm a little confused. Was she squeezing her breast and squeezing a liquid out of her nipples Yeah, so it was breast milk you would assume but it came out like a fire hose, right? It was Brett breast milk might come out like that. It was crazy. That was like the first like yeah You're a sat down and be like, oh shit. Yeah, we're here for 30 seconds

Like the people were with like one of them at each other because like the people we were with like one of them thought it was a nightclub and we got there i'm like brother this is not a nightclub they call it sort of a burlesque i don't know it's uh it's like the same people who try to tell you that 11 in miami is not a strip club that it's a cabaret it's like shut the fuck up you place dollars into the thongs of dancing naked women. Yeah, naked women walk around and ask you for dances and money. Yeah, they offer you money. Or offer you dances for money.

It's very interesting. We should just go together. We should do an episode from the box. It would be fun to do that all together. In fact, you don't have a problem staying out late. No. You just don't like clubbing and loud music and stuff

I like to sit at a table and get shit well we could do that at a nightclub no I don't like being in loud places either it's more fun to talk yeah I like to talk I was in a nightclub with him one time and he just plugged his ears and rocked back and forth the entire time I never saw anything like it I was with one of my friends this weekend and he just plugged his ears and rocked back and forth the entire time i'd never saw anything like it i was with my i was with my friends this weekend and he was like uh i remember

when we went to that club last year and you left right away they all walked in and we like waited in line and we walked in and we went downstairs and i turned around and just got an uber and went home i was like i can't fucking do this it's the right call like body to body can't move waiting for a drink takes three hours you used to be a nightclub guy, though. Yes, I would get up for it occasionally as a celebratory thing. More, oh, it's someone's birthday or, you know, there's a reason for this. But the ones I liked were typically the ones that had the day parties. So like occasionally. Like at Montauk or some shit or no

no in new york i'm talking rooftop phd the dream party was my favorite one i've been there so that's fun yeah it's like seven it starts at like 7 p.m yeah or maybe no not even it starts earlier than that five or something and it follows it's Everyone goes to Lavo Brunch, which starts at like whatever, noon, 1 p.m. The brunch is good. It's good. You know about this stuff? Yeah, I've done it. And did you like that?

I thought the brunch was fine. So then why don't we do that? That would be fun. Turn up at a brunch. Turn up at a brunch. Then we all go over to. Catch Sunset at the Dream. Get a table there.

And it's whatever, the 50th floor of the Dream Hotel, and it's all glass. So you watch the sunset over New York. But it's a great time to party because the party ends at like 9, 9.30, and you just go home, and you're like, I'm fucked up, but I'm going to bed at a decent hour. That does sound fun. Instead of having to be out until 3 a.m. and need uppers to get you through it. Dude, I went to a bar in Brooklyn this weekend that might be my new favorite bar just as far as atmosphere.

Do tell. Do tell. In Red Hook called Brooklyn Crab. Oh, yeah. That place rules. It's amazing. I've never been there before. It's amazing.

That place is really nice. They've. What? Shut the fuck up what i like that place the crab hotel it's on the 50th floor there's glass windows wait let's talk about let's just talk about going to the stand every night then let's just talk about having the same meal at the stand, having the same amount of drinks, and then walking back and just living life on a moving walkway. I don't do that, man.

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I go out all the time. If Harry's living dangerously, he'll start with a Peroni. But it's only a matter of time before he says, can I just have a Bud Light? Yeah. I don't start with Peroni. If I'm living dangerously, I start with a Bud Light. He's like, they're going to cancel me for this, but give me a Bud Light. Can I just have a Co Bud Light? Yeah. I don't start with Peroni. If I'm living dangerously, I start with a Bud Light. They're going to cancel me

for this, but give me a Bud Light. Can I just have a Coors Light? I'll just do a Coors. Yeah, let's have a Coors. Thank you. That place felt like a vacation. It's sick.

I had a birthday party there once. You did? Yeah, for real. I remember that. You were not invited. Yes, I was. It was right after 9-11. It was me, Francis.

Actually, after Brooklyn Crab, we went to Bounce. And on the Uber there, I got out once we got into Manhattan. I was like, hey, sorry, guys. I need to go get something. And I went into a Starbucks and threw up. And then I came back out and went to Bounce and rallied. That's amazing. So it sounds like you just completely... Oh, it was your birthday? Yeah. Okay, that makes sense.

Yeah, I had to rally. Yeah, you couldn't just leave them out. Oh, I was thinking of the club that you were talking about. That kind of sounds like if you just went to bounce after then it just defeats the purpose of like, we're going to go to bed early. It's just more just drinking. No, we didn't. It wasn't one of that. Well, it was a daytime thing because Brooklyn Crab's cool. you actually would love brooklyn crab it's like it's like a fisherman's

like it feels like it's at the beach seagulls swooping overhead you can take a ferry there i do like that a lot and there's uh like cornhole and yeah fucking in you know bocce yeah shuffleboard and outdoor games and stuff and then there's really good food and good drinks i went to uh i went to a uh i walked down by the water this week on saturday morning holy fuck dude what are you no i walked down by the water and they were giving out these free like uh prebiotic sodas it's good as hell i got a great grape one. Were they proudly GMO? No. Zero GMO. Prebiotic, though.

Very good for the gut health. Prebiotic. I like a prebiotic. Or what is it? Is that bubble? What's the name of the prebiotic soda? Or is it like bubbly or some shit like that? Some stupid...

They usually suck. Bubbly is normal seltzer. These ones are really good, though. So good that I actually went to the store and bought some. Holy fuck. No wonder you're doing a can a day. You're also on that diet, Dr. Pepper. I had one because it looked so fucking delicious as you were drinking it.

You ever have one of these? No. It's so good. Oh, my God, dude. It's so good. They're an elite soda. Wow. Okay.

Fair enough. Better than Diet Coke, but you can't have them as consistently as you can drink Diet Cokes. Once a month for one of these? You can't put down 10 of those in a day like you do Diet Coke. I like a Dr. Pepper. The diet is the exact same. It's the only soda where you sacrifice nothing to have the diet.

Oh, it tastes the same? The exact same. It's not all aspartame-y? No, no, no. It's all natural. No, no, no. No chance. It's a natural sludge.

No chance. It's made from Dr. Pepper chance. It's a natural sludge. It's made from Dr. Pepper plants. It's a natural sludge flavor. Have you ever had a Dr. Pepper bomb? The shot? I think so. Good as hell. It's like whiskey or something and you drop it into Bud Light. Dropped into a Bud Light.

That sounds like a boiler. There's a name for that. Bear Fight. Bear Fight. You ever have a Bear Fight? No, what's that? Bear Fight is an Irish car bomb with a Jaeger bomb following it. It's just those two back to back. That's nasty for the stomach.

I used to do those in Florida. And just shit your brains out? Yeah. And shake all night and not have a great time, to be honest with you. I'll see TikToks of guys who are like, eat this pepper. If you can eat this pepper and not drink this gallon of milk within the first minute, I'll give you $100. And a guy will just be out on a strip of nightclubs, chomp down a pepper, wait the minute, then chug a gallon of milk to get his $100. You're ruining your night for a hundred that's crazy yeah yeah for like two drinks yeah

that's not that's not enough that's not a good price for you to wreak havoc on your asshole oh yeah you gotta go right home after that i don't think there's anyone that could just withstand that and be like oh yeah i'm just gonna drink for the rest of the night. Chewing down like a habanero and milk on top of it. That's so fucked. I don't think people even have tough stomachs like that. No. The one I want to try is the one where if you can hang from the bar for a minute or something. I've heard that's a lot harder than people think.

Yeah, I'm sure it is. You definitely could do that. Well, there's a technique to it. The problem the bar rotates well the the fake ones do like the like the ones you see like a fair right well i don't know i think there's some ones that where it's just like the military will have it and they're not trying to fuck you up yeah it doesn't rotate well i think i mean i could probably just hang from a stationary pull-up bar for a minute. Yeah, but I think that's hard too, though. It's harder than you'd think, brother.

I don't know. I think I could do it. Well, what's the strategy for the rotating one? Well, apparently, you know, you want to adjust your hands, but as soon as you start, you're supposed to be over the top of it, and as soon as you start going like that, you're fucked. You have to keep your hands over the top. Oh, Gage, so it's a big forearm exercise. Dude, your forearms look meaty as hell, dude.

They look strong. I got some serpents. Medium as hell. I got a well-fed snake right there. That's an anaconda. Yeah? Yeah, your friend's in there. Bo's in there.

I ate him earlier. So what, you're supposed to, like, just, like, hooks pretty much? Mm-hmm. Yeah, hook them. with the amount that we talk about the gym like we should be we should have forearms like Francis's

hell no we're observers we're coaches yeah coaches are never in playing shape I listened to the Art of War on Books on Tape

this weekend Sun Sun Zoo Sun Zoo yeah I've never listened to it or I've never read it it was like it was like a...

It's like a public domain book, and it's like an hour and 15 minutes. I was like, oh, these people who are like... Oh, it's that short? It's like an hour and 15 minutes. Super short. It's a joke. So I was like, okay, I just want to be able to say I read a book today and rip through it. Nice.

And part of that is like, you don't know... You don't have to know how to... You might know how to take a city, but that doesn't mean you can do it. Uh-huh. We know all the workout tricks, but we can't get our forearms fucking medias that shit. I see now that it's a metaphor.

I was going to say, I have no idea how to take a city. I wouldn't know where to begin. Taking a city. Where do you think you in to take a city? Well, he says wall cities. Sun Tzu's like, bro, don't do that shit. If the city has walls, that's the last thing you want to attack.

Really? You don't want to attack a walled city. Yeah, well, then you can only lay siege. Really, that's the best way. Yeah. You're going to want some catapults, and you're going to want to stop the supply of water and food into the that's what i was thinking to choke them out and just starve them out i was thinking shut

off the shut off the power yeah that's what sun zoo did he just snipped the electric he like didn't let them watch cable as far as i can tell in in more recent times the only person who's successfully taken a city was Bane. Yes. And he just got a bunch of prisoners. Yeah. Which I don't really know why they were so stoked to work for him. Who else? Kyle Rittenhouse kind of did.

Yeah. Briefly. Who else took a city? Took the entire city? I guess Russia has taken a few Ukrainian cities, but they've- I think they took them back, kind of. They've taken them back. There's been a little bit of a give and take there. Yeah, definitely.

A little 30-day return policy on those cities. The only way I can tell is when Sass puts the Ukraine flag or deletes it from his Twitter profile. I wish he put up the Ukraineraine flag at the beginning i know surprised i didn't that is something that i would do just no idea what's going on i saw a guy on uh the highway driving a convertible and he had a a massive flag coming out of the back seat of his convertible that just said fuck putin and it was in the ukraine colors and he was smoking one of those ridiculous cigars vapes oh we've seen the

big cigars that are like this thick no no those are funny who was the rapper that was smoking one of those r kelly yeah it's r kelly all right continue we can pull up the r kelly video after no no we're on to r kelly cigars it's funny it's a funny ass video what are those big vapes that have when you when you mods the one you you blow up cloud of smoke box mod yeah he was he was hitting it every four seconds yeah and it was like a smoke trail there was like a vapor trail from his car yeah those things are fucking crazy bro you know the dudes that you know barbershop on pearl yeah that the all the guys who work there at the beginning of the russian ukraine conflict like a new guy started working there and he was saying he like said he was ukrainian and he's russian like i found out a little dude i used to do a bit

about this really i know exactly that barber shop and i know exactly the guy you're talking about his tattoos yes he said he had just come over like three weeks earlier yes from the ukraine and i had a bit about it for a bit where i was like wait you're you're like 24 and you left you coward yeah why aren't you over there fighting he's actually russian and he was just new he like You're like 24 and you left. You coward. Yeah. Why aren't you over there fighting? He's actually Russian and he wanted a good tip and was afraid of the anti-Russian. What the fuck?

I found out a couple. Dude, that guy cut my hair and pulled the same shit. All those guys in there are Russian. Where is this? Just a barbershop. Wow, stolen valor. It's in our neighborhood. But it's all Russian.

Then they're great guys, but they were worried that people were going to be like, oh, Russian, like, fuck that, like Ukraine for life. You think it was that, or do you think it's that they know we will tip them better because they're from Ukraine and the sympathy for Ukraine is a currency? I bet it's a combination of those things.

Like they don't want the anti, there's no downside for them to claim Ukrainian because our dumbasses have no idea what the difference is. But your way is less sinister to me. And I assumed it was because they were trying to take advantage of that. Oh, I thought it was because they thought that everybody in like... Would hate them. Yeah, Brooklyn would be like, Ukraine for fucking ever. These colors don't bleed.

Damn. Kneel for the anthem, stand for the Ukraine one. In fact. That's your fucking generation. Is Ukraine the one that has the long-ass national anthem? Like five minutes long? I don't know. Yes, that's the one.

No, don't they have the longest national anthem? If they do, then I will eat my hat on that comment. Ukraine, longest national anthem if they do then i will eat my hat on that comment ukraine longest national anthem will he be eating a hat stay tuned i'll eat that so tau hat how do you say it now it's greece oh no hat for you no hat for me today how do you say so tau is it so to tell so to tell i think it says isn't saying for suck our dick to all of our enemies that's right yeah yeah it's a good acronym i know yeah don't tread on me and shit uh what time is it 5 11 watch this video of r kelly before we go Watch this video of R. Kelly before we go. He looks like a comic boss.

He's smoking a fucking... That looks like a cigar that's going to explode in his face. Yeah. Someone's going to laugh at it. But it's not even like the actual cigar parts. It's like the wrap is so thick. Why is the... He jokes on it. It's like this thick.

The wrap is like this thick. You have to suck and dick to have a cigar like that. That can't be enjoyable. No way, Jose. You literally have to wrap your mouth around it like you're sucking a dick. Yeah, 100%. That's why I like a nice tiny... Nice Cheyenne.

You guys ever smoked a Cheyenne? Like a cherry Cheyenne? No, I don't even know what that is. Those are fun. TBH. They're like cigars. They're a size of cigarettes. Oh, that sounds fun.

They are. They taste good as hell. But cigarillos. Cigarillos. Diego, do you know those? Cigarillos. I was just thinking from. Diego's from New Jersey.

The whole heritage thing. You fucking asshole. Okay. A cigarillos. I thought maybe you might have familiarity with them. No. New Jersey. He's a New Jersey. The whole heritage thing. You fucking asshole. Okay. A cigarillo. I thought maybe you might have familiarity with that. No. New Jersey. He's a Jersey boy.

No, cigarillos. What is that? It's not a cigarette. You tell me, my friend. It's a cigarillo. That's why I'm coming to you. It's not a cigalillo. Cigarillo.

Cigarillo. Since when did the double L make an L sound? It's an E-O. Yeah, E-O. Cigarillo. There you go double L make an L sound? It's an E-O. Yeah, E-O. Cigarrillo. There you go. Like a paella. Yeah.

I think they're the small cigars. Cigarrillos. These are Cheyennes. Cheyennes look like six. Cigarrillos. Someone look up cigarrillos. It's cigarillo. See whether or not Diego's parents

boofed them over the border. Cigarillos. It's the only way to keep them dry when you're crossing the Rio Grande. Like a black and mild? It looks like a blunt wrap. No, it's a black stone. Is that a cigarillo? I think it's all.

I think it's just like a type of cigar, right? And it's like black and mild, swishy sweets, backwoods, black stones. I think cigarillo is how you say it in American. What is this? What is this you're seeing here? It's a cigarette. Which one is the cigarillo? The long one.

Is it long and thin? Yes. Like a black and mild. And then you got Dutch Masters, Phillies. Sweet. Do you like cigars? I could see you liking a cigar. Dutch Masters, Phillies. They're pretty small. Sweet. Do you like cigars? I could see you liking a cigar.

I love cigars. Nothing you say is real. I used to smoke cigars a lot. Really? Back in 9-11 hit, couldn't bear the sight of the smoke. I smoked tobacco a lot in high school. You smoked a lot of cigarillos. Smoked two of them at a time, parallel to each other to remember the smoke. I smoked tobacco a lot in high school. You smoke a lot of cigarellos. You smoke two of them at a time

parallel to each other to remember the towers. But then me and Mook had a little bit of a phase where we were smoking cigars at the end of weekends a lot. And then I felt sick after and we never did it again.

Yeah, that's fair. That's fair. Last day in Africa, I sat around the fire and smoked a cigar, looked deeply into the fire. That's sick. Just had a room full of cigars.

I get hung over from cigars, though. Well, you got to go with the more mild ones. There's such a difference in terms of the mouth lingering chimney thing when you go with a more mild cigar versus like a really noxious, toxic one. I think it was last, not this year, two years ago for Fourth of July, I smoked a cigar with my cousin's boyfriend. I smoked a full cigar. Your cousin's gay? And then I woke up the next day and I was sick as hell.

Sick as fuck. Yeah, that's nasty. That's a nasty feeling. You need the light ones. Ian Moog went to a cigar lounge in Phoenix. Dude, there's a cigar lounge next door here. I would do that. I would do that. I would do a cigar lounge in Phoenix. Dude, there's a cigar lounge next door here. I would do that. Is that even a thing? I would do that.

That's right there. I would do a cigar lounge. You get the torches. You get a Guinness. Yeah. Ooh. Or a whiskey. When's your half birthday?

It should be coming up soon. I don't know. You got to go out for your half birthday. Half birthday. No, we're all April guys. Oh, wow. That's right.

I'm end of March. Oh, fuck. we're all pretty close yep pretty close i forgot of april into march that's son of a boy dad all right son of a boy dad go get your car brother i shall goodbye i was kind of kidding but are we done i guess we're done oh yeah hey that was fun that flew by