Son of a Boy Dad - Fransquatch | Son of a Boy Dad #165

Episode Date: January 16, 2024

Fransquatch | Son of a Boy Dad #165 -- Lil Sas & Francis jam from the HQ4 couch -- Follow us on our socials: https://linktr.ee/sonofaboydad -- Ad: Download the Gametime app or go to https://gametime.co, enter your email, and redeem code BOYDAD for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply). -- Ad: Head to https://FACTORMEALS.com/son50 and use code son50 to get 50% off. -- Ad: Get started with a $13 trial set for just $3 at https://harrys.com/BOYDAD. -- SUBSCRIBE TO THE YOUTUBE #SonOfABoyDad #BarstoolSportsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, Son of a Boy Dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Alrighty, welcome back to the Son of a Boy Dad podcast. Today it is January 15th. It is a Monday. It is 1.43 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. And we are here live from HQ4.

There it is. Or not live. This is actually not live. This is pre-recorded by less than 24 hours. You'll notice that we are without Roan today. Yes. Unfortunately, not too long ago, the three of us had a meeting where we had very different opinions on the future of the show and it it did not resolve peacefully it did not and he came to violence he was pissed and he said

if you don't believe that i should be the face of the show then why don't you two just try doing it yourselves i've got a good thing going with pat beverly that's pretty much what was the divide was pat bev said it was either son of a boy dad or the pat bev show with roan right and roan said well at least my fucking name is in the title of the other show he did even though it's like a secondary credit. Totally. It's a massive secondary credit. Yeah. But, uh,

no, Ron's in Chicago filming or he's streaming the Eagles game with the Chicago boys. It is funny. Cause if you said that there would be people on Reddit tomorrow morning being like, so I guess Ron's out of son of a boy dad. Yeah.

And it's down to Francis and hairball. Looks like they're making some big changes over at the Son of a Boy Dad crew. I managed to salt burn my way into the podcast. Your toast next. I'm going to bury all of you. You watched it, right? Yeah. We talked about it last time. I mean, like we said before,

I forget every single thing that we talk about as soon as we're done talking about it. That's okay. Do you want to talk ball up front? Yeah, we can talk ball. I got a couple things to talk about nothing crazy though i had a pretty relaxed weekend yeah just did a lot of spots yeah um nice went fishing on saturday did where all time bad all-time bad fishing trip oh no it's very funny so uh i'll talk about this and then we talk about ball but um so the whole so it poured on like tuesday last week like terrible rain i heard the river was like 11 feet high exactly normally it's four feet yeah

yeah so i told you about that so yeah it was flooded i was keeping an eye on it all week because you can just look up the water levels and it's like there's something that just keeps track of it 24 7 is there an app there's probably an app i just used some random google water levels chart and uh and so i was keeping an eye on it it went back down to like seven feet so i was like all right this is fine we can definitely go fishing i was gonna go with one of my friends who lives who i grew up with who lives in new york now and he was like he like rented like waiters and shit so he was so he was like definitely like in to go and then it poured friday night and then i woke up saturday at like 7 a.m after doing like a 1 30 spot at the stand

yep and i was like all right well i'm awake and he already rented the equipment so we can't just like i can't just be like hey dude we're not going even though i knew this is a terrible idea yeah because the water level was at like 10 feet yeah so i'm like this is going to be a disaster but whatever i've gone when it's flooded before and i've caught fish we get down there highest i've ever seen it by a mile i had to pause you why are you renting equipment what i didn't need equipment he rented equipment oh he rented waiters because he doesn't have waiters should we get him some no they're like a thousand dollars they're expensive as oh yeah that's how much you paid for your waiters mine were like 500 bucks but i didn't get like great waiters okay there's better

waiters that are more expensive yeah um so i get that we get down there the only time i've ever been there where there's not like 20 cars parked all people fishing it was completely empty we were putting on our gear some old dude comes up to us and he's like i'll come back around 9 p.m if you guys are still here i'll know to send out the search the search squad and i was like ah yeah that's funny and then but i was like i don't even think it's i was like it's high and it's fast as fuck but like it's nothing like i haven't seen before but it's also muddy as hell he couldn't see anything in the water oh it's all stirred up yeah yeah so we get out there we walk probably 10 minutes down the trail and i'm like i'm like he's never been fly fishing and i'm like i'm telling

him like i'm not really that good at fly fishing but i'm going to tell you what i know so i was like all right like i'm showing him the rocks i'm like there's usually fish like 15 feet behind a rock like in front of a rock to the sides of rocks shit like that yeah shit like that telling them where to fish and i'm like honestly this isn't a bad place we could just start here and i'm like probably in like a foot of water and i'm like let's yeah let's just start here i like undo my line start i take one step forward and suddenly i am up to my neck in water fully submerged in water it was like but it was like two falls it was like the first one i was up to my waist and then i was like oh shit my my pack is gonna get all wet that sucks and then i fell forward next thing i know i cannot touch the

bottom i am fully swimming in a river that is moving like 30 feet per second and he's like 20 feet deep so i get out of the wall and it's the middle of january it's fucking freezing totally and it's like my waders are like like my waders are filled with water my sweatshirt my rain jacket's soaked and i get out of the water and i'm just like there's nothing i could do because like we're already out there and if i was by myself would have left instantly. And the first thought I had while I'm still in the water is like, he just rinsed all this equipment and we're going to have to leave right now. But I toughed it out. I mean, we fished for like an hour.

No luck. Lost like four flies. And you're soaked through your waders. I drove home. I took my waders off. Full gallons of water came out of my way it was like hank after he jumped into that pool from that lady yes exactly yeah it was crazy dude damn i've never buddy catch anything no dude there was no there was no fish there was nothing we

didn't even come close to getting a bite do they just sort of chill on days where i don't know all i know is that that book that i have by that like tom rosenbauer whatever he said the only time that he the one condition that he doesn't go fishing in is uh flooded in the winter oh yeah and i mean it was just there do we there was it was there was not a single person fishing were you still having a good time though yeah i mean it was fine it was like it's it's always good to get out there just get away from and just get away out of the city but how long of a drive is it like 45 minutes and your buddy picks you up no i rented a car wow nice yeah fuck yeah man i'm happy to hear that dude i've never like i was i i would just randomly start laughing about it the entire time because i was like i'm sitting there he's never been fly fishing and i'm like yeah so pretty much what you're

going to want to look for is like behind these rocks and the next thing i know i'm just up to my neck in water you're not quite the teacher you thought you were it was i'm happy he was there because if that was by myself that would have been like so embarrassing to have to just walk back to the car by myself sopping wet and then just drive home soaked i'm excited for our fishing debut yeah uh i really am yeah although i do find i find fly fishing very hard i struggle with it it's super hard but i think that's what's fun about it i think it's a lot more fun than going out in like a boat i mean they're all all fishing is fun the problem i find is that with fly fishing i've been times where you know it's it's it's entirely possible that the skill of the fisherman is not going to necessarily change the outcome yeah they're just what will be fish that are not

biting that yeah definitely and that frustrates me because as someone who thinks, I'm trying to learn, I want to improve, but I have no idea if I'm not getting any bites right now because my cast is improper or because it's just not the right day. Yeah, I mean, it pisses me off. Yeah, I mean, I'm... How do you learn from that? You can't learn from that.

No. pisses me off yeah i mean i i'm how do you learn from that you can't learn from that no i mean you can learn like what what weather and stuff will be better than other you need a guide or a teacher who knows what a really good cast looks like if i could see someone casting and they're catching fish i would and i'm not then i know it's me i've noticed that just from like the couple times that i've been to new jersey because like the first couple times i got completely skunked and then i started getting like bites and stuff and then like catching fish and i've noticed that like it's more just you knowing how to read the water rather than the actual cast so that's more in the winter because in the winter it's like you're just nymphing which is barely even you're barely even casting barely you're literally just throwing it in front of you and then letting it drift.

I see. But that's more, I've noticed that has been more just like, just from what I read in that book, like it helps me like know where to look. And then I went out and I caught fish. Got it. Yeah. I sent you a DM. I sent you a clip of someone, of a quote from A River Runs Through It. through it oh really i didn't see it what was it i can't really remember but it was someone using that quote i realized in my time away

that my brother he he called it shadow casting oh yeah yeah the line would stay so low over the river and it would create a rainbow and i realized realized that in my time away, my brother had become an artist. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I always say to my friends. But it replied to something completely different that was very funny that we were laughing about. Yeah. You should watch it sometime. A River Runs Through It?

The DM I sent you. Oh. Yeah, I should watch it. It wouldn't take long. No, but I watch most of your DMs. I probably just got lost in my feed. We've gotten pretty good at DMing each other. Yeah, I get a lot of DMs from people sending me reels.

I'm always exchanging reels with the fellas. I like doing it. Yeah, it's fun. That's fun. Especially when you get a really good one. Even though it has nothing to do with you, it just stumbled upon your feed. Yeah.

But you get to be like, yo, checkms just sent you a heater i sent my wife one a week ago and she still hadn't watched it and we were driving home from upstate this morning and i said did you watch that and she said no i haven't i only check my dms once every other week or so and that actually made me happy because it made me think she's not cheating on me. Yeah, but is that how people cheat? Is that how adults cheat? Through DMs? What do you think?

She's going to a motel? No, I feel like it would be mostly through text messages. Well, now I guess I got to check. You're telling me I'm looking in the wrong place? I've been combing her DMs. I don't know. Like a hawk. I should have just been looking at her goddamn text messages.

No, I don't think your wife is cheating on you. That's a positive. Hey, it's the little things, you know? It's a little win. Oh, man. But yeah, we could could talk ball let's get into the ball well let me tell you i had a fever of 101.8 yesterday which is worrisome because my immune system is dog shit so any little trace of anything that you get i'm definitely gonna get i think or i'll be okay i think i'll be fine you don't sound sick i find i feel fine yeah you don't sound sick i don't feel great but i feel less feverish i never feel great

ever no no i fell off dry january in a bad way i did hear about that through the grapevine did you had you made a prediction about how long you thought i would last no i didn't think you were gonna last though i lasted 11 days. But I think I also was a part of that because I told you that you don't need to do it. Yeah, but now I want to get back on it. Oh, no. You don't get to get back on it.

That's not how it works. I can be rude, too. That's not at all how that works. I took a half time. Absolutely not. There's a half time. Absolutely not. It's intermission.

Everyone stretches their legs. No, if you go dry January now, you got to go dry beginning of January, or dry end of January, dry beginning of february what a stupid come blind you got to it has to be a full month you can't just do i did dry january and then i got halftime and then i did the i get second half absolutely not a second half team dude because most people only like it like so what now you're going to take a week off of drinking? A lot of people do that anyway. No, I'm going to take two more weeks off. It's January 15th.

January 15th? I didn't drink yesterday because I had a fever of 101.8. So what happened? You had a couple cocktails? Did you get drunk? Well, on, what was it, Friday? I went out. I had a few drinks.

Saturday I had some few drinks. Saturday, I had some drinks. So you actually, you drank multiple days. Saturday, I think I had a full bottle of white wine by myself. Okay. So you came back harder than ever.

And then I had, I've taken a couple of weeks off of drinking and then came back and just fucking 30 beers in one night. It was like I was catching up for a long time. That's usually how it is. So bad. Yeah. Cause I had no tolerance. Yeah. And then I had catching up for a long time. Yeah, that's usually how it is. So bad. Yeah. Because I had no tolerance.

Yeah. And then I had a couple of beers and then I had just started drinking tequila. Oh, wow. And then I smoked some weed. Oh, damn. So you were on straight up party mode. I hadn't done that in a long time either. Party mode. And my wife the next day, because we were trying to play a game

Codenames, which is fun with some friends and she told me that once i smoked the weed i became a stupid mute yeah that's what she said i could see that she goes you were just a stupid mute she doesn't like when you smoke weed when i stop talking yeah yeah i just sort of melted yeah i got some buddies that smoke a lot of weed and we play video games and they get on when they smoke and they're and they have smoked weed you can tell that's not that fun it pisses me off it's not that fun because then you got to sit there and you're like hello and they're like what

sorry yeah yeah i'm here i'm here but you hang out with a lot of stoners not really no no i don't feel like i mean gardini smokes weed but he doesn't really he's always mellow yeah yeah anyway um so i did all that and then on sunday i thought i was just hung over yeah so to the degree that i actually went and played pickleball in the morning but i had a fever and i didn't even know i was literally just talking about that with uh with mook yesterday about being hung over and thinking you're hung over and then realizing that you're sick it's hard to know yeah that's i i didn't realize that i was sick until the late afternoon yeah because i just thought well i'm just tired i treated my body like shit by the late afternoon yeah because i just thought well i'm just tired i treated my body like shit

by the late afternoon i was like man usually it starts to get better by now and this is getting worse yeah and i'm getting nauseous yeah and it's like waves of nausea i have no appetite i couldn't eat anything yeah and uh then i took my temperature and it was very validating to see that it was 101.8 yeah i that happened to me when i went to moon tower last year because i did shane's show at the stand and then we went out until like 4 a.m yeah and then i almost missed my flight at jfk in the morning and then i got to moon tower and i felt so shitty but then i just drank more yeah and i felt better again and then i woke up the next day feeling like unbelievably bad and then i realized i was just sick as fuck for the whole time i was there like waking up in the middle of the night

just gliding through my sheets soaked in sweat like 103 fever lost my voice oh it was terrible 103 fever lost my voice oh it was terrible what um when are you gonna get back to drinking i don't know how long has it been now it's definitely that story is definitely not making me want to go back that's for sure 50 days i don't know let me see are you marking your sobriety oh yeah are you really oh yeah damn dude but we'll get you back, right? You're not done forever. I don't know. Let's see. What is this bullshit? People need to drink. 54 days.

You need to drink. I don't know, man. It's been, uh, it's definitely been good. I haven't really missed drinking that much at all, to be honest. But you need to drink moderately. Yeah, but that's not how i operate but this is america you need to get to a point in your life where you can have a drink or two or three that'll be it or 10 no or 20 do away with those thoughts drinking doesn't have to

be this fucking yard sale yeah but dude that you're explaining it to me as if i don't know that i know that and that's just not how i can do it i can't you're an all or nothing guy yeah i'm physically incapable this just comes with with age i'm physically i'm not capable of drinking like three beers you'll get there maybe you're 23 yeah 22 22 almost 23 jesus christ. Yeah. Hanging it up early. Um, I'm trying to think of, uh, what,

what, okay. We want to talk ball. Yeah, we can talk ball. I'm down to talk ball. You want to talk something else? No,

I'm always down to talk ball. Did you have another thing you wanted to talk? No, I really didn't, man. I don't have much. It's too bad. Roan decided he didn't want to be part of this anymore.

It's really too bad we lost him. I mean, it doesn't really matter. This is what people look for in the podcast anyway, just talking about nothing for hours. And then they just fucking fall asleep to it. Hairball does this thing now where he texts me whenever a huge comedian we know has sold out like a 17 000 seat theater oh yeah i like to dude i'm in touch i know the lineup of like the stand new york and the cellar every

single night get the fuck out of here where to god what i check the lineups for i don't do it as much anymore but like up until like probably like three months ago i would check the lineups because i just want to know where who performing where. What's going down. You got your finger on the pulse. Yeah. I'd say, oh shit, this person's doing theaters now. Oh shit, this person's doing arenas now. Yeah.

Shane. We're talking about Shane. Shane sold out the Kia Forum where he's going to perform there. 17,000 seats. Harry texted to me. I mean, it's cool. It's impressive. Yeah, it is cool.

And obviously, we root for these people but at the same time it's like you're you know you're just reminding me on a daily basis how fucking poorly things are going for me and i don't know that i need that i mean i don't know i don't i don't look at it as a bad thing i look at it as a good thing i also think it's cool i think it's encouraging yeah i think it's cool that comedy is that big i think it is too i'm going to do don't tell this friday no way really in la this friday yeah damn that came up out of nowhere did you know it was this friday this whole time oh wow that's awesome yeah time moves quickly yeah it does i was just i just had a meeting with my manager and agent about doing one of those soon i'm doing it friday uh i'm gonna go out to la and i haven't been there in a long time yeah

and i was thinking i might just go out on the flight do the show and then take the red eye home i think that's a great idea i'm very pro doing that you're talking about like 12 hours of that doesn't bother me travel it's so much better to just get home dude anytime that i'm on the west coast like if i when i did like portland or like phoenix or anything like that or la i'm always looking at the red eye or even anytime i go on the road i'm looking at the red eye after the saturday late show just to get the fuck out of there you can never take the red eye after the late show on saturday no very very rarely but you can sometimes it needs to be 1 30 a.m la has flights like that though lax to jfk that that definitely exists they got some late red eyes from that but that's like the only one that you can do well the other option is to be in la for one day

the day of Saturday. Yeah. Spend the night and then just take my original flight home, which is Sunday morning. Why don't you try and do some shit out there? Do some podcasts. Do some big podcasts or something. I don't even know how to do that. I mean, you know people.

Or maybe do some spots at the store or something. I don't know. I don't know how to do that you just talk to your agent what really yeah what about just hanging out at a rooftop hotel and drinking margaritas and eating like chips with really good salsa that's also a good option but you can do that in new york and reading my book no you can't yes you can it's 13 degrees outside right now by the way i biked here it's the coldest it's ever been it's fucking freezing outside what are you looking at i got i ordered door dash fucking two hours ago and the dude was taking forever and

then he got here and he's like i'm here but he's not here and then he just texted me and said i left so that's what i was doing i haven't eaten anything today i'm fucking starving no coffee no food what's the matter with you nothing we have shit to do i know this is the new pot i know there's no room i'm getting fucking 700 calls a minute i don't know what i'm supposed to do you can't rely on ron well it's fine it doesn't matter impeccable professionalism and his inconstant ability to keep the show moving forward i was looking forward to having that fucking coffee dude you want to order another one hell Hell no. Not one mid-podcast. Not mid-cast. So should I go to LA and just booge out on a rooftop hotel? By the way, you can't do that in New York.

There's no rooftop pools with good salsa and nice crispy chips. Because it's so cold out? Because it's so cold out. Nice crispy chips. I want crispy chips. Dude, I think you should go out. I think you're going to, after you get the don't tell. I tell me are you nervous at all for the don't tell no no why would i be i don't know it's a taping what the fuck do i care i would care i would be fucking shitting my pants

not me i would be so nervous i mean but yeah i mean i i feel like if i was out there and i got it done and you like killed it it was great. Went really well. I'd be like, I'm going to fucking partay. I don't want to partay. I want to sit on a lounge chair at a bougie LA hotel. That's like your idea of partying and read my book and eat agua chili. Yeah. So just do that and then leave in the morning and Hamachi Crudo.

The problem is going from the West coast to the East coast, leaving in the morning doesn't even matter because you're going to get back at like 9 p.m. 5.30 p.m. Yeah. But 9 a.m. I have a 9 a.m. flight on Friday. I get home at... Is the taping on Friday?

The taping's on Friday. I have a 9 a.m. flight on Sunday. Oh, dude, you're going to miss playoff ball. Definitely take the red eye. This is a problem. Definitely take the red eye this is a problem definitely take the red eye you're gonna miss chiefs versus the bills dude you're telling me i need to take the saturday red eye should i yes should i booze out on the day of saturday booze out day of

saturday get in your zone and then red eye home saturday night yeah wait the taping is friday friday night dude just leave saturday morning what the hell are we even talking about what is this i thought it was saturday night and you were trying to figure out if you should go home saturday night or sunday morning why would you stay until sunday why would you stay an entire extra day originally i thought i was going to play golf with dan rapaport oh okay but then he decided to go to Hawaii. Okay. And then told me to stay at his home. Oh. But I don't feel that comfortable doing that.

No. I always feel weird doing that. Yeah, you always think someone's going to show up. That and I worry that my people who own the home that I'm staying in are worried that I'm sniffing around in the wife's panty drawer. Or that I'm being snoopy but you probably are no i you gotta have some sort of curiosity i only don't because i'm so neurotic about it and also you got to think dan rapaport he probably makes a lot of money he's probably got some crazy security system watching you all night exactly he's gonna be watching you

i'm on my best behavior because i'm concerned that there are hidden cameras everywhere you can't crank down there and living in a police state like that yeah as opposed to some hotel imagine if you tried to crank down yeah he was watching you from seven different angles he's got a fucking 360 camera on you that is not my idea do you have those cameras anywhere? No. Those fucking... No. No? Nothing? We don't. My dad has set up the ring cameras at my house a while ago.

What's the benefit of that? And my mom made him take them down instantly. What's the benefit? Because he started talking to us from his office at work through the ring camera. And my mom made him come home and remove them. Why did he do it i think he got them for like free somehow and then and then he put them up and then my mom was like this is insane we don't need this no one wants to have like my mom was saying that we're gonna have like my sisters are gonna have like their friends over and we're gonna have it like on videotape of them

walking into the house it seems like the only purpose for them now is to make like viral videos of like coming home drunk i guess so i i don't i don't quite understand the point of the ring cameras but i guess it's to see if people are stealing packages from your stoop or i could use that i'm not home and someone rings the doorbell yeah i get shit stolen all the time you do it's so annoying and i don't know like i got i ordered a poster this was last week right before we recorded the wednesday episode i had a poster that arrived it arrived while we were recording and then i went downstairs it had been there for 30 minutes and it was gone you gotta get a doorman building dude yeah i don't know it's fucking frustrating i've had so much shit stolen living in new york i had a playstation get stolen what i never told you

about that no this was like two years ago when i lived in hell's kitchen i just moved to hell's kitchen dude yeah i just moved to hell's kitchen and it was right after christmas and i was in between apartments so i brought all of my belongings back to massachusetts and then i got covid or someone got covid it was when covid was like a big scare and like my friend got covid who i was hanging out with the day before and my mom was like you got to go back to new york we don't want to get covid so i went back to new york and i had my mom ship me all of my belongings everything all my clothes all my my playstation and i remember i went to work and i came home and i brand new apartment i'm like who's fuck there's a bunch of clothes outside spread out on the street

and i was like what is i was like oh shit someone's shit is all over the place and then i start looking closer and it's all of my stuff all like like sweatshirts underwear just in the on fucking 48th street spread out spread out on the street my boxes are torn to shreds i was able to collect enough clothes to wear still you wore your street clothes i had to i was every single pair of clothes that i own they had grit and gravel yes and then my playstation's gone luckily my fucking uh my hiking boots were still there but aside from that all of my shit was gone it was so frustrating and then luckily the good the good people of twitter were able to find me a new playstation

rather easily what yeah i've gotten two playstations through twitter for free so the first playstation i had my mom mailed it to me when i lived in east village and she mailed it to me with the hdmi cord still plugged in and then it bent inside of it so the hdmi like uh input thing broke so then my buddy jake from twitter aka call me shitto do you know him no he's done a lot of stuff with barstool okay he did like that podcast with dougs the lacrosse one for a while okay he sent me he got a pc and he mailed me his playstation with like all of his controllers games and stuff downloaded on it was awesome all he all he made me do was just pay for the shipping and uh and then that was the one that

got stolen when i moved to hell's kitchen and then this one i don't know who sent me that i think it was like a fan i got a ps5 and sent me their ps4 if someone gives you a gift a nice gift and that gift gets stolen or you lose it yeah do you think it's on you to buy the another version of that gift absolutely not in order to make sure that they think you didn't lose it or have it stolen no but i did lose a lot of shit like i lost like my christmas gifts because it was right after christmas so all of my christmas gifts were stolen my godfather got me a watch for graduating yeah and it was a nice watch it was a tag hoya here whatever nice and i wore it for a year and a half and then i lost it or i had it stolen

and then i saw him again and i wasn't wearing it and i felt the need to come clean and i told him that it was lost stolen yeah i don't think that matters as long as you got a good year out of it shouldn't i have just bought another one of the same watch and then made him think nothing had happened no why not because i don't think he's going to be like mad at you for the watch getting Couldn't I have just bought another one of the same watch and then made him think nothing had happened? No. Why not? Because I don't think he's going to be mad at you for the watch getting stolen. Don't you think that he thinks such a nice gift is worthy of a little more attention and kind of protectiveness?

Well, you shouldn't have said it got lost slash stolen. You should have said it got stolen. I think I said it got stolen. Yeah. Definitely go with that. i don't know if it matters i think it definitely matters because if you got if it got lost that means like oh i wasn't really keeping track of it if it got stolen that means like well what could you do you know people are gonna steal it's gonna happen yeah especially if you live in the big city of new york right good thing we don't live in chicago we'd be getting watches stolen left and right it's very cold there right now it is fucking freezing very cold at the chiefs game this weekend as well i was talking ball yeah i was

freezing there dude i hate the chiefs more than i think i've ever hated anything in my life come on i swear really dude like the rage that they bring me why i fucking hate them what do you hate about them everything i hate patrick mahomes i hate travis kelsey is so bad i hate that people try and compare travis kelsey to gronk gronk was good at the end of his career yeah it was still good i think travis kelsey's playing pretty well you do he lost like he dropped like two touchdown passes this week drops and he's had drops all the last fucking since he's been dating taylor swift yeah she has made him worse yeah and taylor swift swag surfing made me want to throw up do you think that her coat was cool no you didn't like it? No, I hated it.

Why? Too boxy. It was a box. It reminded me of one of those coats that I would wear when I was a child, that like when my mom would like get me a coat. And you just get like a North Face puffer jacket. But back before they were like cool. Back before they were like $900.

Maybe like some likeia ripoff brand yeah and it would just be like you'd look like the kid from fucking uh elf remember the scene in elf where the kid puts on the jacket and he's just a fucking square and it's so outrageously big that's what her jacket looked like i think the design was cool i actually watched some of those that girl that made it i mean i watched some of her videos i watched that she's good at what she does that girl's good but i don't uh i wasn't a fan of the jacket but i also because i don't like the chiefs so the jacket disgusted me i wanted to poke holes and then pull the feathers out of it right and deflate her was it a combined jacket of Patrick Mahomes and Travis Kelsey? No, I think she made one probably for Brittany Mahomes as well.

Oh, she did? If I had to guess. Oh. What is swag surfing? I don't know. I never heard of it before until I saw Taylor Swift doing that outrageous dance. And then apparently, yeah. Just moving back and forth type thing? It turns out, I think it's a Chiefs thing.

Oh. Freaks. Do you think it's a Chiefs thing. Oh. Freaks. Do you think they'll get married? Yes. Wow. Yeah, and then that'll probably last for a week. Why? Because celebrities never stay married.

Uh-huh. People thought Kim Kardashian and Kanye were going to stay married forever. Who thought that? Everybody. I didn't. Because they were like the perfect match. They were both nuts. And then, now look at them. Well because they were like the perfect match they were both nuts and then now look at them well they were together for a while they were together for a long time

but no i don't think i don't think travis kelsey and taylor i mean they've been dating for what like three months yeah probably something like that people are like he they're gonna get married soon that's the that's the general thought what yeah because i think he moved in with her or she moved in with him shut up yeah is that right but i mean also moving in for them what is that they see each other once a week at best i mean she's in fucking all across the world every single day and he's traveling weekly for football right he'll probably retire this year yeah why well he said someone asked him if he if he thought about retiring and he said it's the only thing he thinks about he said he's in constant pain from injuries and surgeries throughout the years i feel from

pickleball yeah that'll do it dude pickleball and nfl playoff football are very similar i just can't i can't stop going as hard as i possibly can no dude that's the problem with pickleball i got one speed it brings out the fucking animal i think we're going down to have fun and within two points i'm fucking diving for shit you see this scab on my elbow yeah right there you took a dive i dove for a ball that's insane don't do that then i got so mad that i smashed my paddle on the ground oh you're one of those guys i'm not that's crazy and you were sick and hung over you must look like a lunatic just sweating more than anyone's ever sweat you must have had buckets of sweat coming off i wasn't doing well smashing rackets

yeah i smashed my paddle that That's crazy. And then the people I was playing against thought it was one that I had borrowed from the club. Yeah. And they were like, that's not yours to smash. You said, fuck you! It is. I brought my own paddle. I'll smash it if I want. By the way,

who doesn't bring their own paddle? The people that are renting them from the fucking club. None of us had. It was a silly assumption. That's the club's paddle. Fuck you! I was playing well enough that they should have known that I had brought my own paddle.

They should have known that this was an amateur hour? Yeah, exactly. A bunch of bull fucking shit. Did you charge at them? I almost threw my paddle at them. I would have charged. I wouldn't have actually physically attacked but sometimes all you got to do is charge let's put it this way when the game

ended and we went to touch paddles good game good game your paddle was dangling i turned my paddle around and touched it but to paddle yeah yeah because you don't want to give him any splinters is it a wooden paddle it's not fiberglass fiberglass should have assumed bullshit i'm such a fucking plastic all righty let's talk about game time game time you shouldn't have to worry when you're buying tickets to the next big event game time is the fast and easy way to buy tickets for all the sports music and comedy and theater events near you i like game time i use game time all the time i buy tickets for all the sports, music, and comedy and theater events near you. I like GameTime. I use GameTime all the time. I buy tickets to football games, concerts, whatever, whatever I really want to go see. I was actually just looking at the GameTime tickets for the Chiefs game last week. Just out of pure curiosity, there were tickets for like $40. That's crazy for

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yeah I was hoping to get a good sweat in when I ordered that iced coffee this morning when I ordered that iced coffee four hours ago you're gonna induce sweating from from yeah from substances coffee um yeah i think i'll get back in the gym here sometime soon i have to i mean i gotta when i go to wyoming in a couple months or not a couple months in like eight months for this catch and cook where it's a 14 mile hike i gotta get in shape for that i can't i would not be able to do that right now 14 miles is a fucking It's

I will say it's not a high altitude It's only a 1500 Incline Fine Yeah That is a long It's a long hike Long hike

What is that? 8 hours? Probably yeah 7? Something like that I don't That's crazy But we're gonna be stopping

And like fishing Throughout the entire thing So we'll probably get there early as fuck. 14 miles is like the type of distance that you hear that oppressive armies force their prisoners to march. That's a pretty popular amount in the hiking world. The Bhutan Death March? The 14er? That's what they call them.

They call them 14ers. No, that has to do with the peaks. Oh, that's the altitude? Yes. Not the distance? 14,000 meters. Interesting. Is what they're hiking.

Well, we're doing a 14er miles. That's not a thing. Well, is that better or worse? Is that more or less? Then? Then a 14 mile. So, what? The peak is 14 mile 14 14 meters yeah i get insanely high there's only seven in the world i think okay first of all there's no

such thing as a 14 000 meter high mountain that does not exist everest is like 8 000 something there's only there's only seven peaks above 8 000 meters i don't have your phone but i have your phone give me your phone i'll google it right now here let's ask siri siri how high is mount everest 28 000 feet 29,000 feet. How many meters? Siri, how many meters is Mount Everest? The height of the Mount Everest is 8,848 meters of 29,000 feet. Why are you doing a victory pose like you just won that argument? Bingo. You said 14,000 meters.

What is the 14ers that i'm thinking of i think it's it must maybe it's feet maybe it's like altitude gain no because it wouldn't be yeah 14 000 meters doesn't exist there's only seven there's only seven uh mountains on earth that are above 8 000 meters have you seen have you not seen eight peaks or seven peaks whatever it's called what are the 14ers i can't believe i just bossed up on you like what are the 14 years dude i don't know is it we'll give it a google what is is a 14er you don't trust Siri for that? What are 14-ers? It's 14,000 feet. But that's like nothing.

14,000 feet? Yeah, there's ski mountains that are not that far off from that. Ski mountains that are at 11,000 feet, 12,000 feet. A mountain that has a summit over 14 000 feet no small feet when it comes to hiking damn all right fine i think that is a lot higher than you think it is i think i've done i've done like 10 000 feet and that was hard as shit you've hiked

to the top yeah i've done some hikes out west. I've done some hikes in Wyoming, Colorado. I've done some hikes southeast. I've done Mount Mansfield. I've done Camel's Hump in Burlington. Speaking of Colorado. Oh, yeah, we're going to be in Denver, Colorado very soon, actually. Hairball and I will be in Denver, Colorado at the Comedy Works downtown. That's February 9th to the 11th.

That's the good one. That's the good one. February 9th to the 11th tickets are going fast they're flying so go get yourself tickets to that show those shows at francisells.com we'll be in albany the following weekend that's february whatever it's literally the next 17th weekend so you guys can figure that out so um come check us out there. And then we're going to be in Madison, Wisconsin. But that's in what? March?

March. Madison, Comedy on State. And then. Beautiful spot. Is that our three weekends together? Yes, it is. Tickets at FrancisSells.com or LittleSasquatchWebsite.com. And then what else?

Oh, I'm going to be in Pittsburgh next week. Wow. And the tickets for that, let me tell you. you i mean good luck getting them those are prices they're at for the prices they're charging good luck flying off the shelves selling blood those are flying i'm gonna have mook hosting and i believe nick is going to do a guest spot shut the fuck yeah nick's coming to pittsburgh yeah yeah well then you are gonna sell out oh don't say that i'm already almost selling out you got the nick bump for sure you got the nick this is the first people are hearing of this i believe you're branding this as a as a barstool show all right don't say that should we pay the

company do you think the company don't say any of these things this is my show back at the improv i worked my way up to get booked at the improv it's hard to get booked there i had to do a couple trial runs at ontario yeah and now look at me and then i'm going to be doing houston the improv in houston tickets for that there's a good amount left i'm going to be in houston howl at the moon and i'm gonna be at the houston improv a little bit of a higher tier club i'll be in houston myself and uh opening for me will be dave portnoy what and following him is big cat dan big cat cats is that going to be a barstool event uh no just for me i sold all the tickets all right well i am actually these tickets these

shows the early shows friday and saturday are almost sold out just a heads up if you wanted to go to the early shows and bad news if you wanted to go to the late shows also almost sold out right thursday show good amount of tickets left so that's pretty cool just keep your eye out that's going to be on little sasquatch website.com you'll be able to find all those dates all that good stuff it's just pretty cool but i'm pumped to do or smashing i'm pumped to go to denver is a great city denver is going to be so fun i'm pumped to go to denver and do 30 minutes yep and just like kill for 30 minutes let's fucking go out there and smish smash yeah i'm gonna have denver just begging for more let's add shows

and then i'll go the next year and do the exact same material let's go add shows let's go add a thursday late show in denver yeah that'll be fun buy tickets you know what would also be fun not adding a thursday late show why and just doing one show we're there i know it's true but doing one show is the best i'm gonna be doing a thursday one show. We're there. I know, it's true. But doing one show is the best. I'm going to be... Doing a Thursday one show and then just going back to your hotel room and being like, I'm done. That's a nice feeling. It's the best. That's a good feeling.

It's a great feeling. You think we should go skiing while we're out there? Totally. All right. I'm definitely down. I'm down to go skiing, down to go fishing, down to do whatever. All right, let's do it. I'm going to be hanging out with my boys out there.

Hope you know that. Can I? Of course. Really? I was expecting you to say no to that. We'll find some time for you to mix in. No, no. I'll be leading the charge.

My buddy Bo was like, are you staying with me? And I was like, no. I'm going to have a hotel. He's like, why don't you just stay at my place? And I was like, because I'm going to have a hotel. Yeah. And I won't have to sleep on a couch. I'm probably going to end up staying at his place.

Really? Yeah. You guys are that? You're like this? Yes. Even though you have a hotel, you'd rather spend the night at his home. Yeah. Watch some movies.

Spend the night with him. Keep back. Yeah. I'm stoked, dude. That's been the goal the whole time is to do comedy in denver yeah really i've always wanted to do that yeah because i wanted to move to denver for a while i remember that and now we're finally gonna get to do comedy there you went through a little bit of a phase yeah so nice phase clan such a fun city it's the best yeah maybe we should move out there

yeah maybe we should move out there what would we do live in denver and do son of a boy dad from denver um that's the dream that is the dream but we get then we lose all our spots the cellar in the stand bro true god the cellar is just booking me way too much lately they're not booking me too much i i had a lot of spots this weekend they were all fun fun shows midnight shows just putting on a clinic yeah now just fucking running it up just putting on a fucking clinic i'm trying to think if i have any i haven't been performing all that much i've just been doing spots, but I haven't done... Normally, I have good, funny, interesting stories for you. Dude, me too.

I feel like I've always got a lot. I mean, I thought my fly fishing story was pretty solid. Good way to start it out. But after that, I don't have much. This has been fine. I think this has been good. I've been having fun. Should we call it?

Is that Son of a Boy Dead? No, we got 15 minutes left, brother. Oh, we've only been going for 45? We have barely talked ball, though. All right, let's talk some ball. So let's talk talk ball for 15 and then we'll put this to wraps and then rome will be back on wednesday to carry the podcast there that's what we need and normally i'll be much better than i am today i have a fever of 102.6 has a fever 102 and i have been playing so much call of duty that my brain cells are literally falling out of my ear lobes or my ear holes all right what do we got so let's talk ball let's do a little review let's do a review might win the super bowl jordan love jordan love is unbelievable

the texans are okay i don't think they're anything too good. Who throws a better ball, Jordan Love or Jared Goff? Jordan Love. Jared Goff was throwing some ball last night. Jared Goff didn't look good in the end. But his first, dude, the first half, he was fitting balls into tight corners. He was throwing it like a gazelle. He just looked a seven foot tall yeah jared goff is good i mean dude i was rooting for the lions i wanted that was awesome that the lions finally won a playoff game but uh i don't know i think i think the lions are good i would like to see the lions go far yeah i think the teams i would like to see go far right now the bills obviously number one

i would be fine with the packers winning the super bowl or the lions winning the super bowl or the ravens winning the super bowl would i like to see the eagles win the super bowl if it means that the chiefs didn't win the super bowl yes pretty much i would be fine with any team aside for the chiefs winning the super bowl if the chiefs win the super bowl i might like never i don't know all right so your number rank them your number one super bowl winner that makes you happy the bills bills is number one number two lions i don't know if i would say i mean that's kind of uh no no not realistically no i have liked the lions all year i've enjoyed watching

the lions all year yep i think they have a good team but your number two team that makes you happy to win the super bowl is gonna make you the happiest lions i don't know probably the lions but it's by such a far drop off that's okay we're just we need to get some kind of an order to the hat the harry's happiness order yeah i would like to see the lions win like watching the packers yesterday yeah i'd like to see the packers number three happiness yeah i like i like rooting for the underdogs okay number four happiness is baltimore ravens yes okay number five happiness is The 49ers. The 49ers. Interesting. Number six, happiness. The Eagles. Eagles are six?

Yeah. Behind the Niners? Yes. And number seven, happiness. But I'm also thinking realistically here on who I can place anytime touchdown scorers on and have that be hit. Right. Like Jamar Gibbs. Locke. touchdown scorers on and have to be hit right like jamar gibbs lock should i stay uh for the for the games and we watch ball here together you could if you want i don't think i'm gonna

play video games as soon as you leave though i need to lie down close my eyes yeah uh yeah so i think i mean i don't know i think next week is going to be the game dude it's going to be uh chief's bills it's going to be a hell of a game i mean assuming that the bills while this has come out i'm assuming the bills did beat the steelers right i don't think that's a crazy assumption no i don't think so either 10 point favorite yeah yeah and the the steelers have a their backup quarter like their third string quarterback playing mason rudolph yeah he's third string right i don't know who's their number one pickens oh kenny i don't know kenny pickens is that his name i have no idea i think that's their quarterback like a country singer i know it does that's why

i was hesitant to say yes he might be i was trying to think if i knew every quarterback from every team and then i realized i don't know the quarterback for the raiders uh yeah i don't know was jimmy garoppolo what do you get hurt i don't know it might still be jimmy garoppolo oh bill belichick's gone that's something that's late that's old news it is old news but it was a tearjerker for sure no it wasn't it was it was very sad really yeah the press conference was sad i didn't see it he almost cried did he yeah when he was talking about the fans wow nope when was the last time you cried oh after i watched interstellar uh a couple months ago really yeah but it was also because my grandfather died like the same day what about it was actually no my grandfather was going to die and i watched interstellar

and the combination of those two things and i had to go to a spot and i didn't want to do a spot it was a combination of all that what about um what about uh i'm not talking about tears tears kind of coming out of your eyes i'm talking about like full-blown sobbing yeah then really oh yeah when i cry it's a fucking it's what the waterworks are flowing. Because I never cry. I was worried that my neighbors were going to hear me cry. That kind of thing? Yeah. Really?

Yeah. But it's very rare. Last time I cried before that, I don't know. Probably like two years ago. And then the last time I cried before that, when I went to college, it was like every day. Just standing in my room. Just. What's the matter with you? last time i cried before that when i went to college it was like every day just standing in my room just i hated college for the first like month i the last time i fully hard cried was freshman year of college after a lacrosse practice really why did Why did you guys lose? Or was it just so you had your ass whooped? No, it was a practice. I cried at lacrosse practice too.

The defense didn't think that I... It was always like... This was what was always so crazy to me. We practiced, whatever, five days a week. Yeah. And it was always the defense versus the offense. Yeah. And all the drills drills pretty much.

And so for five of the six days of the week, your opponent was your own teammates. And thus, I would say I hated the defense on our team more than I hated any of the other teams we played. There was a brawl. We had a a brawl we had fights all the time and people would just beat the shit out of each other and like the defense in lacrosse we couldn't do anything yeah we had the ball so they would just hit us with their sticks yeah it hurt us so much break fingers like tattoo us leave that perfect outline of the head yeah right in between the pads

on the skin that's why i played lacrosse for like two years and i quit after that because i was like this sucks hurt and stung and there was nothing we could do the only thing we could do was when we were like in a man up drill or a shooting drill try to hit them with a shot yeah yeah yeah uh and we never did that because that would have been obvious and two you can actually like kill someone kill someone yeah so we didn't really do that but i dreamt of doing it yeah because they would just do this and and my freshman year the older guys on the team they didn't think that i was trying hard enough and they wanted to motivate me by like bullying me yeah yeah and they would

just abuse me in practice they would hurt you know hit me with their sticks as hard as they could and I had had enough and I after one practice I was just like I don't understand why I went into the coach's office and I was like I can't do this anymore yeah

was this college or high school college and he goes well don't you I went into the coach's office and I was like, I can't do this anymore. Yeah. Was this college or high school? College. And he goes, well, don't you want to win a national championship? And I go, no, that's not why I came here. It was Harvard. Yeah. We weren't good. I came into a 500 program that had been 500 or worse for like 20 years.

Yeah. 500 program that had been 500 or worse for like 20 years yeah and this coach had just come in and he had grand aspirations of building a championship being a national champ and he's since coached it now he coaches at maryland and he's won like three of them um but he came in thinking he was going to turn the program around and i don't think he was aware of the type of people he was inheriting yeah because he met me and he was like well they're trying to motivate you don't think he was aware of the type of people he was inheriting yeah because he met me and he was like well they're trying to motivate you don't you they want to make you better they see your potential don't you want to win a national championship and i just said no so did you quit uh not that year you didn't play all four years did you i played all freshman year

that that practice happened and then we played princeton uh that weekend and like i had basically i guess i had i was breaking down crying at the game no in the practice in the coach's office and then that saturday we played princeton in harvard stadium which is the oldest yeah yeah that's that fucking concrete one and we were playing their goalie was guy named alex hewitt was the first team all-american best city in the country. Yeah, it's that fucking concrete one. And we were playing, their goalie was a guy named Alex Hewitt. It was the first team All-American, best goalie in the country and I scored two goals.

Oh, hell yeah. But we lost in overtime because we lost so many games that year. Yeah. But we should have beaten them. We were up 8-7 with a minute. But if you scored two goals, you did your job.

I went beyond doing my job. I think I was Ivy League Rookie of the Week. Yeah. Anyway, then I played another year. I played all the rest of the season. Then my sophomore year, I played all through the fall, the offseason, and then we played Duke in our... What was that, 30-0?

Second game of the season. Maybe it was our season opener at Duke and we beat them. Oh shit. We upset Duke. That's awesome. They had won the national championship the year before, I think. And they were supposed to beat us by 20 and we upset them. And then I quit that night.

Really? I was so miserable. No, I just was like, I can't. I knew going into that game, if we win and it doesn't re-motivate me to play then i should not be doing this yeah yeah because and we we won the game there was a big pig pile our team and i remember crawling out from the bottom of the pig pile walking across the field to the bus knowing i was done yeah and i mean dude i think that's pretty common i think a lot of people quit sports when they go to college because i think it's like so

much more intense than they're expecting it to be it wasn't even i had planned to play for the coach who had recruited me yeah and then uh they fired he'd been there for 20 years yeah and he was a very low-key guy who like basically said we're probably not going to win much, but we want to make good people out of you and give you a good balanced college experience. And the alums were tired of the team being mediocre, and they said, we don't want to keep funding this program if the team doesn't get better. And so they kicked him out,

and then they hired the guy who'd been the assistant at the Naval Academy for a decade. That's who came in, John Tillman. And all of a sudden I was playing. That happened in the summer before my freshman year. So I went to play for John Tillman and it was a nightmare. And then,

well, shout out John Tillman. I quit the lacrosse team for one week. I drank nonstop and then i walked onto the soccer team oh wow and i played soccer why why would you do that because i'd been recruited for both sports but tillman and i wanted to play both sports but tillman said i had to choose one or the other and so then i went and played soccer and And then junior year, I went abroad, didn't play anything. Senior year, they let Tillman go, and he went to Maryland.

And then they hired back the assistant who had been the assistant under the original coach who had recruited me. And he asked me to come back and play. So I went and played lacrosse again my senior year. That's crazy. I didn't know you could do that. I didn't know you could leave and come back. I mean, it was a huge mistake. Yeah, that's crazy i didn't know you could do that i didn't know you could like leave and come back i mean it was a huge mistake yeah i should never have done it no because at that point senior year i don't do anything loving school and like i would have done the lampoon and all that shit yeah and i didn't because of lacrosse and it was a mistake

yeah that sucks that's terrible there's a big alumni dinner on Thursday night and the coach of the team this year, the current coach, texted me and asked me to come. Are you going to go? I'm not sure. I don't know if I see the point. That might be your first time crying.

It's not really my people, Hairball. Yeah. Those are masters of the universe. Yeah. The Harvard lacrosse alumni. It's like the whitest thing of all time. Crazy money. Yeah.

They have perfect children and their kids are in private schools. Yeah, they have like the kids that. They drive Range Rovers and they're on school boards and boards of museums. It's like the brother from stepbrothers. It's doctors, lawyers, and bankers. Yeah. And I'm a fucking comedian who's been nationally disgraced for mocking a dead girl that's true and i you know i make a 15th of the

money that the lowest income earner among them makes yeah and i show up and they're like tell us a dick joke you know what i mean it's not really my yeah dude you're a clown you're a jester yeah you gotta do your little dance for the harvard lacrosse team but i love my life and i love this job and i'm happy with where we're at me as well and i don't know that that world would be better for me at all nor do i know if i ever would have succeeded in that world? No, it's tough to do. All right. Well, we'll end on that. I've never told you things that were less interesting to you than everything I just said. No, that was very interesting.

There's just not really much I can say about it. I don't relate to it in any way. I sucked at every single sport that I played. And I was probably one of the most athletic people to ever go through a Massachusetts school system. I just did a seven year biography of my life yeah it was very interesting i didn't know any of that stuff it was very traumatic time yeah i'm sure the time before that that i cried because that was the last time i really cried freshman year of college yeah which was 2007 yeah So 15 years ago was seventh grade

when Mr. Dubuque told me to stop shooting the basketballs as the kids were walking to the school buses. Yeah. Because the basketball hoop was kind of near the line where the kids would line up, but I didn't really hear him and I took another shot and then he grabbed me by the arm and dragged me across the playground to go to Bob,

Bob, he's office and get me in trouble. Yeah. And I thought it was abuse and I was, I was crying cause he was dragging me. I'm all grown man, a teacher. I used to go to this thing called Leo's.

It was a hockey skating program and my parents would make me go there if I was misbehaving because it was just intense skating. There my parents would make me go there if i was misbehaving because it was just intense skating there was no pucks just skating for hours that's just conditioning yes but it was technique it was just conditioning and it was just you would just do suicides for an hour god damn that's hell and uh bro knowing when you had a practice or something that all you were gonna do was conditioning was the fucking worst dude this guy has been making these uh these reels where you're just being punished yeah like knowing they're like don't no sticks and gloves like wait have you seen this guy just put your cleats on and we're we're punishing you yeah like we would show

up to the weight room every once in a while and someone would be so drunk from the night before that you could smell booze and when that happened we would go out to jordan field and it'd be 12 degrees and we would condition for an hour wait there's this guy that's been doing these there's been doing these uh reels and they're fucking it's like of hockey coaches of the assistant coach coming out and he's like hope you guys didn't have a lot hope you guys didn't have a big dinner last night oh my god no pucks yeah get the trash cans yeah grab a few trash cans this this was killing what

it was dude this is what it was a question of like we knew that there were always a few guys that puked fuck one. One guy pissed his pants. This is Tom Stewart. Browner. Wait. I hope no one had a big meal tonight. Browner. Did you have a big meal tonight?

Hey, if I was you, if I were you guys, I'd get stretching before Coach comes out here. Show them you guys are doing something here. Make sure you're shaking your legs here, boys. I want to put too much out there. I haven't seen him this bad in a while. Make sure we hitting the net too when we're taking shots here get on the last shot now i'll get me smiling in a few minutes you guys need a big meal yeah i'm just like all this is bringing back trauma my wife asked me i told her the other day i was like man i'm kind of bummed

out that i'm not i'm not really going to the gym as often as i used to and that i'm having a hard time finding the time for and she's like well you got to start working out in the mornings that's the only time when you have real control over it i said i will never work out in the morning again yeah the trauma yeah from college of waking up at six in the morning to get down across the river at 6 30 yeah and just lift and condition for an hour and a half before class i'll never do it again dude i never played like high level sports like that but like the amount of the amount of trauma that went through not just me and my older sister from playing hockey, but also my parents. My younger sisters have never played sports and never will play sports.

Because my parents are like, we're not doing this again. They're like, it was so bad. It's so bad. It wasn't just bad for me. It was bad for everyone involved. Like my extended family. It was bad for them, too. I'm trying to think of what the reward is. Well, I get you're good but it was like i was never good so it was always like and when you play hockey when you're

when you play hockey when you're young they can't get ice time so it would be like i'm from like where i live we'd be playing somewhere an hour away at five in the morning. Yeah. On a Saturday. Bro, I'm thinking about, the crazy thing for me is in college, right? All the Division I programs practiced and prepped roughly the same way. Yeah. So, a team like Holy Cross, who was the worst, Canisius, Quinnipiac. Yeah. We would always have these games on our schedule. We were a middle-of-the-road team team and we would beat the shit out of those teams but those kids were doing the same

conditioning sessions and prepping all fall and all winter the same way we were probably thinking like this is the year we've been running running harder. We've been lifting harder and faster. And then they would go through the same level of shit only to be a 1-10 team. I don't know. The way I see it from college is like there's just better teams. It's recruiting. Yeah.

That's all it is. You have better players. Exactly. That's why Alabama has always been the best it is just which team gets the best players and like colorado can train as much as they want and have good coaches alabama is just gonna have significantly better players every year there are a few exceptions i think that there were some teams that were just better coached and like yale won the national championship one year and yeah they i don't think they had better players than duke but typically duke but for the

large part there's a massive skill gap between certain teams yeah we couldn't stay on the field with virginia we just couldn't and um and then and it's like you go through all that hell and the only real reward is is like making the national tournament or winning the national championship and everything short of that is a failure yeah yeah and uh i don't know man it's hard to believe it's hard to believe i i just dude i will say the best thing in my life was coming to terms with not with knowing that i was not an athletic person at a young age and being like all right this is not gonna ever be anything you play golf you have that's not athletic that's just because i have a good swing that's the only thing i was ever okay at but like but like being at an age

where i was in like eighth grade and being like i'm never gonna make varsity for any of these sports like i'm just gonna quit now and my parents being like that's a good idea like it was like it's just i'm just not a coordinated person it must be a nice thing as your parents to hear in a way because it saves them a ton of money in time especially as a hockey parent well what happened was i what i made this i made the c team i was always like okay at hockey and then we got to like the hitting checking age and i made the c team i was always like okay at hockey and then we got to like the hitting checking age and i made the c team and i was smaller than a lot of kids and also the c team was a lot of kids who played football and just wanted a sport to play in the off season and they want to just hit people as hard as they could right and i got like leveled by a kid that

was like probably like when you're that age there are kids who are literally like two feet taller than you yeah so he was like probably a kid who was like a hundred pounds heavier and like two feet taller than me and he hit me and i slid and went head first into the boards and i got in the car my mom was like you're not playing hockey anymore we just talked to the coach you're done but dude it was like it's so funny because like i was so young and i started playing hockey and i was probably in like second grade yeah up until eighth grade and like i remember getting in the car after and like my dad me and my dad just sitting in complete silence with like the radio on not speaking for like in the dude for like the hour and a half drive home and then like 30 minutes from home he would just turn the radio

off and he would go how do you think you played today really yeah and then i would be like i don't know and he'd be like you don't know and then it would always just be like you played bad damn but i mean i don't know it was like did that did that trouble you did that affect your sense of self not even a little bit do you think it did and you just didn't even notice it and that it's buried under layers of uh no not at all compartmentalization no that's what i'm saying because once i once i realized that i was just bad at sports then i was like oh shit i have other things that i care about i think that those last half hours with your dad affected your relationship with your dad not even a little bit me and my dad have a very good relationship sure but i feel like

i don't know maybe there's a part of you that has pursued stand-up comedy this very individualistic solo driven career so as not to have to face uh the evaluation of a parent no i don't think that's at all the case dude this was when i was like fucking very young it was kind of just like i don't know it wasn't that big of a deal you don't think that maybe throwing yourself into video games and oh dude i'm telling you i never enjoyed sports which are so self-determined no first of all call of duty is not determined at all it's a team game yeah but you're sitting here alone but you're talking to your buddies fine point is there's no coach there's no authority figure who's going to tell you there's a coach but it's just we run it similar to how you ran

the program for the last 20 years. I'm GM and head coach. How do you think your kill streak went? Yeah, I mean, we hold each other accountable for sure. Nobody's saying that, though. Oh, no, they do. Yeah, one of my buddies snapped on me the other night because I wasn't playing well enough. I think what you just told me about your dad has taught me a lot. No, dude, that is hilarious and you're overreacting.

We have come a long way today. No. It's weird that you're making my dad out to be a villain right now because it was hilarious. Listen, people, I don't know what was going on with your dad that made him say that. Okay? Maybe he was. Was he a hockey player when he was young? No.

What was it having to wake up at four in the morning on a saturday to go watch the worst hockey game of all time it could be that simple negative 30 degree weather but i doubt it i think there was more to it i think that's what it was maybe and this again nothing against your dad no i know we're ending the podcast i'm not doing a smear i'm not doing a smear campaign i know him to be a great. I know him to be... We're ending the podcast. I'm not doing a smear campaign on my father. I know him to be a great man. I know him to be a great man, and he did everything he could. You don't even know him.

I know him as well as you do. No, you don't know my dad. I know him. You're not doing a smear campaign on my dad. You know one dad. You know them all. Dads have a lot in common, and the point is that your dad was a is a wonderful man yes wonderful man yes mr settle yes uh well there were things in his life you can't say my name

all right we're ending the sorry we're ending the podcast say your fucking name for real i don't know it doesn't matter whatever we'll leave it leave it there. Getting too personal. I love it. All right. We're ending the podcast. We'll see you guys on Wednesday. Thank you for tuning in. Goodbye. Son of a... Rolls-Royce.

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