Son of a Boy Dad - Goldilocks | Son of a Boy Dad #219

Episode Date: July 25, 2024

Goldilocks | Son of a Boy Dad #219 -- Ad: Go to https://Butcherbox.com/BOYDAD and use code BOYDAD at checkout for $20 off! -- Ad: Download the Gametime app or go to https://gametime.co, enter your email, and redeem code BOYDAD for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply). -- Follow us on our socials: https://linktr.ee/sonofaboydad -- Merch: https://store.barstoolsports.com/collections/son-of-a-boy-dad -- SUBSCRIBE TO THE YOUTUBE #SonOfABoyDad #BarstoolSportsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, son of a boy, dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon music. All right, ready? Let's do it. Yep. All righty. Welcome back to the son of a boy, dad podcast Today it is July 24th, 11 a.m. You're here live from HQ three. Seven a.m. Just getting in here early as fuck. Seven in the morning.

Beating the rush. I've been up for hours. I actually haven't even gotten in yet. Whoever runs through it kind of thought you would get that one. I got it, know but we've quoted that line before and I felt to do it again. It's great it's a good callback now people have to go back and listen to the episodes and they go when did this line originate? One of those I forget which new shoes Francis I bought them a couple weeks ago those Janowskis. No, they are blazers blazers Blazer sounds like me blazer blazer blazer I hardly know her That's uh, that's what Gillian Wallows say about fucking a girl

They say that they say that they blazed a bitch glazed and blazed Whoa glazed is when you jizzed on them and blaze is when you fucked them really? Hmm. I used to blaze weed and I thought that that was the reason why I was like scatterbrained Yeah, I stopped smoking weed and I continued to be scatterbrained. Look at that. You should go back I'm gonna start smoking the Kush again. I know I am back on that train smoking the ganja. Yeah And I'll tell you what it's every bit as good as I ever thought it was. Yeah, you ever get scared every single night I Do it and not recall a time where I was high recently and did not feel

birth shattering anxiety. Yeah. But. Every time I smoke weed I have to like manually put myself to bed. Just like pressing your eyelids shut. Yeah, I have to like, I lay in bed for like two hours

and then I go, all right, it's time to go to sleep now. And then I have to sit there and like focus on going to bed. Or else I'm just like, man, I wonder if I hit that pocket at the river next week and what what fly should I use? Like it's like me having the most deep like nonsense thoughts for just hours. Did I remember to do the tag? It's definitely some dumb shit like that. For me, it's like the shirt instructions for cleaning said to lay it flat, but I have hooked it around one of the bars on my drying rack,

which means that both sides are falling straight down and that mean gravity is going to stretch my shirt longer to make it look like I purchased it in Los Angeles. Yeah, the Dave Chappelle shirt that just goes down to your fucking knees. Yeah. The Hillsong shirt. Those shirts are crazy to me.

Those are. Like, steam tight. We've also referenced, and that was in episode 159 or 152. Those have been a common topic, but it makes like they have to be. You gotta discuss those shirts. You have to keep them honest. I get self-conscious when my shirt goes like halfway,

it goes below the halfway point of my fly. And those dudes are rocking shirts that are like, like if you cut them, they fit normal, but then they just, for some reason, they go down to your knees. But I mean, that's like almost an old observation. Heterose are wearing belly shirts these days. Oh yeah. But that's been a thing. But I mean, it's more, it's more relevant than the long shirts,

heterose and belly shirts. Are people really doing that though? Or is that like, I feel like that was like two years ago. That was popular. It's popular. Owen, back me up on this, bro. I haven't seen that in a while. I haven't seen that either. I haven't seen a lot of heteros in belly shirts, like maybe like a football player perhaps.

That was the 80s style. In NCAA, they have the dudes that do, you know like how like if you watch like training camp videos, they like tuck their shirts up and their stomachs are hanging out. Yes, which is sweet. They have dudes doing that in game, which is not a thing.

You don't do that in games. They used to. Yeah, they used to in the 90s. In the 90s, not in 2025. It's back. Oakman. What about Oakman's fucking tasty ass ass? And they have like corners wearing a fucking sweatshirt

under their pads, like a hoodie. Fashion is cyclical. Why would, if that's happening in the fashion world, why wouldn't it be happening with football jerseys? Because I watched football and I've never seen a corner wearing a sweat a hoodie under his sweatshirt But you weren't alive the last time that that was in vogue, but it's 2025 And it's back baby exactly the amount of years later that it would make sense for it to be back Well, if we see a game played

Say if we see a game played, say if we see a game in Florida Where the corner is wearing a hoodie under his pads. I'll give you one million dollars They probably wear a shy Steve because those boys have to run drills after their fucking games But also it's like a thousand degrees down there But it probably got outlawed because the boosters were getting horny seeing the guys midriffs. The fucking the money men up in the boxes were getting horny as hell seeing fucking the. I'm just saying there's a lot of problems with NCAA that have been addressed. Yeah. Uniform is one of the biggest ones. What are you trying to do Francis? You can never get the mic to the right distance from my face. It's pretty easy. Want me to

show you how to do it? Nope. I don't want to talk about it anymore. It also looks like it's in the exact spot that you would need it. I just makes me feel claustrophobic I'm sorry. He would have got away with it too if it weren't for you fucking meddling kids over there I'm always like I'm always like talking to the mic stand like I'm always adjusting it as I go That's yeah, that's your guys. You guys don't you guys me? Yeah, you guys you sit down and you know You just use exactly what's talking about. I know you're hugging though. You're hugging the edge of that couch I know you'd like to be this is a shorter fucking arm. No no It looks like I show you it looks like it's a velociraptor

This is a short this is the t-rex with your dumbass this was t-rex, and then I adjusted it. It's brother You've shown your ignorance. I got the longest arm in the fucking game. It's not my fault that you guys don't understand a simple loose and tight mechanism. You got the Kawhi Leonard in the goddamn orangutan over here dragging his knuckles on the ground.

Yeah, it's, and this is the shortest. There's, this is, we're three little bears in it, okay? Yeah. Yours is just right. And it's fucking easy for you to cast aspersions. Mine's just right cause I made it just right. No, this is shorter than that one you intentionally chose the mic that everyone knows is just right no I this was the cord was wrapped around I unwrapped it and fixed it so I could extend this further

Yeah, and you as a bad friend didn't do the same for us. You have the skills. What are you just our mics? Well, I'm aware that yours is shorter than mine. But I'm saying that you could make it longer. For such a smart guy, you are a fucking bumbling idiot. I don't think I am. I think this is crazy. It's a malleable concept. This is like shocking to see fucking artists clay to guys who've never heard of lefty loose, righty tight has nothing to do with that It's all pure. That's all it has to do with it's pure

Literally, it's this you go. Oh, I guess I could loosen this and extend it out. Let's switch then cock boy I'm not gonna switch. I've already adjusted my microphone to my liking I can't get any smaller. There's a this is the end of the road No, that one below it if you loos that, you could push your thing in. Oh! It's like this might have been the first invention. This was up there with the wheel. Like this was created a day after the wheel was created.

Adjustable mic stands? How do I get the mic to stop flip-flopping? That's a task that I have not figured out yet. And I don't think anyone on Earth has. Well, mine doesn't at all. By the way, this is so much better. Yeah. Yeah. I needed that.

But it also would have been fine if your ADD ass just didn't fixate on it. I was totally hot. You guys were the ones that were bitching and moaning about it. He was just talking and you're like, what are you doing with your mic? Yeah, yeah. You completely interrupted to be like, what are you doing with your mic? That's what happened. It would have been fine. No one would have known. We were fine.

That's true. No one would have been any the wiser. Anyway, I was walking around my apartment this morning for like nine minutes looking for my headphones and they were around my fucking neck. And I wasn't high. And normally I'd be high as fuck in the morning, be like, where's my shit? And it was because I would try and smoke as much as possible

before I left the apartment to kind of give me the push I needed for the rest. Yes. Yes. The fuck and let me coast. Let the fuck in. Well, maybe you could go back to weed and just do like nights only for 20. That's the original thought of 420. I think that you get your shit done for the day and then you smoke at 420. Yeah. Oh. Like happy hour. It's like happy hour for your lungs. But a little earlier than happy hour. Happy hour for

your fear. Yeah. Um but like II think that's probably the problem as to why you felt bad about the weed because you were trying to smoke as much as you possibly could before leaving for work and and like as soon as I got up, like ass would hit toilet and I'd be just fucking. How did you get there? Was it gradual or did you become, did you hit that pace and frequency?

It started, well toilet, smoking early in the morning started I think like when I was in college, I would like I discovered that smoking a Marlboro red on the toilet Fucking made me fucking empty Evacuate my bowels like that and it I think it turned into this Pavlovian response where I needed to be smoking something on the John Just to fucking empty my asshole and it's a great joy in life You kind of get lost in there fucking catch yourself in the mirror Yeah, another 20 minutes just fucking looking at the pores on your nose. Yeah like that. It was nice

But I freed myself from that that loop but still scatterbrained dude I I got new light bulbs for my apartment yesterday and I I the ones in my bathroom I have like there's just three light bulbs above the mirror and I The ones in my bathroom I have like there's just three light bulbs above the mirror and I got like they're a little too bright. Like they're much brighter than the last light bulbs. White, yellow, what color? Yeah.

And now I turn on the light in my bathroom and I can't even like look in that direction. Like I can't look in the mirror because it's like blindingly bright. You got the 120s? Yeah. You got the 120 watts? Yeah.

It's so bright You need a soft light and maybe even a yellow light Yeah, not a girl. You don't need a white light to do now doing makeup white lights little much. Yeah, that's surgical Yeah, I understand that the incandescent bulbs burn a lot longer and more energy efficiently But the older yellow lights look they cast a far more flattering glow. Yes, definitely. A much warmer presence. Warmer's the right word.

Are people still- Look at these ones, warm, warm, warm, and then this one, cold as ice. Interrogative. Yeah. Interrogative. Like we're about to get sliced open on a table. Are people still using the spinny, the spiral lights?

Circle light? Yeah. That was supposed to be like the future of light for a while. When they first came out? I remember when that dropped and they were like, this is gonna save the whole world. Yeah.

Yeah. Kids in Africa won't be starving anymore. Yeah. Because they'll be so hot. That kid K.B. Lane. Yeah. He just came up as an African kid who was just like, now I'm hot as fuck.

Yeah. He had a circle light. Yeah, he's like, the spiral I'd saved my life Like I even like they were like GQ magazine shoots when and I was like Open the magazine and like I was shocked at how fucking vivid people's faces looked and they just added like a little circle on Your fucking pupil. Yeah people people looked so hot because of those lights I think they have to exist but maybe people got wise to them. I don't know, what was the point of them? They lasted longer?

Are we talking about the same thing? I don't think so. No, we're not. I'm talking about the circle lights. I think you're talking about a ring light. I'm talking about a ring light. I'm talking about the actual light bulb that was a spiral.

You know what, this is incredible. I actually knew what both of you were talking about and chose not to fix it. Yeah. You know what I'm talking about though, Lewis. That might be the first time that's ever happened. You know the spiral lights? Yeah.

I know what you're talking about now. The spiral lights. Yeah, they look like soft serve. Those were supposed to like save the world. I thought the ring light was supposed to save the world. No, no, no. Did they kill people? Oh, I don't know.

Yeah, they had Asian orange in them. That's how they stayed on for so long. I worked out two days ago in the city and then put my, I changed at the gym and then I put my dirty clothes in my backpack and then forgot to take them out. Yeah. And two days later this morning I opened my backpack and it was as if there was a biological weapon in the bag. I can't. They were stanking? There is. I don't think that there is a way to save the shirts and

short that I wore. It's a scent I've never experienced before. It's so bad. It's so much worse than anything. What is it? What's it do to? I pulled them out of my bag and my fingers stank through three hand washes. Yeah. It's like when you eat a durian.

When you eat one of those nasty fruits. Yeah, durian fruit. Yeah. So I don't really know what to do about that. Do you guys use scented detergent and or fabric softener when you do your laundry? I don't do my own laundry You guys have do you have you both have laundry in house? Yeah

I'm definitely gonna come over to one of your guys places and do my laundry my laundry machine is like this big though I need I can't I have to like wash I can wash like half a shirt at a time Yeah, I don't have the amount. I don't have enough clothes To go and drop off all of my clothes and then get it back like three days later. Dude, I haven't. What am I supposed to wear during that period? You ever do walking around in like skin tight shirt, like and one basketball shorts, like nothing else.

There's a couple of solutions. You could buy more clothes or get into a habit of doing your laundry more frequently. Yeah, but I wear the same clothes all the time. Right. So my question would be, do you just wear them dirty most of the time? No. I don't believe you. I'll cycle through.

But I also think you're the perfect person to have this problem because if you send away all of your clothes except for one outfit and three days later you get your clothes back, for those three days no one will have noticed because you always wear the same clothes for three days straight. Yeah but I think it might appear that I do but I actually don't. Because you have variants of the New England Patriots. Well like I'm wearing the same sweatshirt, but you can wear the same sweatshirt multiple times in a row. Or you guys wear a sweatshirt once and you clean it? No, no. No. Yeah, exactly.

I saw a guy who has like a pair of Japanese denim jeans that he's like never washed. Oh yeah, you gotta put them in the freezer. Turn them inside out, dust them with baking soda, wrap them in rubber bands real tight, keep them in the freezer for six weeks. So crazy. This guy wears them. He aerates them and hangs them on a door. He makes a mannequin shell of them and hangs them on a door every single day. He's never washed them and they look pretty good. I guess you have to respect denim. I don't know.

I don't know anything about it. I just know- have to respect denim. I don't know. I don't know anything about it. Do you respect denim? I don't really respect denim. I don't like denim at all. I don't really. I actually washed some jeans the other day and you know what? When they come out, they're fine.

A little bit tighter? I don't dry them obviously. And I do turn them inside out. But that's mostly because all the sweat from my legs is hitting the inside of the jeans. It makes sense to me to turn them inside out. is hitting the inside of the jeans. It makes sense to me to turn them inside out. When you got your clothes really stinky and dirty,

you think you're like releasing something? You know what I mean? It could be, it could be, I don't know. I had a very good workout and I poured into those clothes. Were you wearing jeans while you were working out? No. Yeah, that's what you're supposed to do. It was Indian style.

I was worried. It's the best type of workout. Crossfit. A leather vest and jeans. Jeans and a tucked-in polo. Yeah. Loafers. I was talking about the different Indian style.

All those guys look like they're doing physical therapy at the gym. Yeah. I mean, they work out hard. I remember going to a Blink and I remember a lady showed up who was clearly about to go out and she was wearing high heels and a dress and she was doing squats to get an ass pump in. No way.

Swear to God. Don't believe it. I swear on my life. I think I have a photo of it on my old phone. Bring it in. You're like one of those guys that goes viral for trying to take pictures. No, I would never have posted online, but I was like, I got to send this to my friends.

I'll just broadcast it on my podcast. Yeah. Well, this was like four years ago. She's definitely a listener. She's definitely self-conscious now. This is when I lived in East Village. It was probably had her ass popping that night. She probably got freaking laid.

I couldn't tell if it was she was going out and it was a personal thing or if there was like a hidden camera somewhere and it was like a social experiment. it was a personal thing or if there was like a hidden camera somewhere and it was like a social experiment. She was doing squats with high heels on. Sometimes I get a print dress. That's crazy. It probably is a better workout. Like it probably helps your stable. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. That's like doing squats on one of those like half balls. Yes. Yeah. We're like going back onto like doing a split squat and going back onto your toe or something. Yeah. Yeah. That's what they recommend. Like calf raises and squats at the same time. But Francis, I had a stinky streak when I started doing

cold showers. I would dry myself off and then the fucking towel would stink and I had no idea what was going on. And my buddy Mike was like, like you're probably releasing something like something's probably coming out of you Maybe some kind of toxin or some shit like that and since I like since then when I do cold showers doesn't stink anymore Maybe I just got rid of it all the toxins are gone Maybe I killed the toxins like a fucking worm in my gut or some shit I don't know the answer to that question. I know that if a certain amount of time Passes our dog Ruby, her anal glands

will secrete a fish smelling fluid that is quite revolting and impossible for me to actually express the glands. She doesn't like it when I put my fingers into her rectum. And she's been doing cold showers, right? She does plunges, right? Yeah, she does lukewarm. She does lukewarm. By the way, I got a cold plunge and it's awesome. You did it?

Yeah, I got one. What? Did you get the expensive one? The redwood interiors. I'm fucking happy for you, dude. It is awesome. And the first 90 seconds is a little. Little tough, but then I become very peaceful. I find it very peaceful.

Make sure you don't get that you don't stay too still and get the exothermic show. I don't know anything about that. When you stay too too still, the water around your body gets warm. Oh, we won't. So you got to be waving your fucking arms around like you're doing Tai Chi. Come on now. Like an old Chinese guy at the park.

I have to get still, I have to. I know, but that's an extra-thorny show. I took a lukewarm shower the other day because I had a rash. I think that's actually hard. I think cold showers are harder than a cold tub because I'm immersed and I get used to it. I can see that.

Cold showers, just nonstop torture. This wasn't even cold though. This was like just not hot. And I was like, I was like making noises in the shower because of how uncomfortable it was. What, what kind of noises? I was like, like it was brutal. I don't know.

I couldn't imagine doing cold only. I also was in a hotel recently and there, it't get, oh in Austin, it just didn't get hot. That's one of Portnoy's pet peeves. It's my pet peeve. Shower pressure. Yeah, water pressure's huge in a hotel. Because when you go to, like if you live in, I live in a, the apartment I live in, clearly

it doesn't have great water pressure, so going on the road one of the best things is like I'm gonna get a good shower Yeah, and this was worse than my shower at home Do you remember you'll know this that the University of Pennsylvania? You pens football team plays in a stadium that used to be where the Eagles played Franklin Field Correct, and we played Penn in lacrosse my freshman year and we played in that stadium. Which is like where the Penn relays are held. It's like the Coliseum. Yeah, huge, just two sides that go way up.

I don't think there were N's. Maybe not. I don't think it's a full stadium all the way around. Maybe not. But it's big going up on both, you know, sidelines. And we got beaten, we lost to Penn, and the visitor locker room that they had us in had the coldest showers and only freezing cold showers.

Felt like they were punishing us. Why the fuck do they, I mean, it probably is just to make it harder for the opposing players. Yeah I mean we'd already lost. But that I feel like we're almost. Make you tougher. If we had beaten them OK yeah hit us with the cold water but. Insult injury. You guys won. Give us the good stuff. Yeah. I feel like next time though that'll have you being like fuck you like well yeah you want to fucking do that shit to us. It was so unpleasant. And you don't get clean from super, super cold water,

to your point. Right. Do you not get clean at all? Like, it has to be hot? Well, if you're wearing like sweaty lacrosse pads, and eye black, and sweaty. The first time I worked as a dishwasher, I was like, I didn't want to

have my hands in the fucking super hot water the first day and so it was like on like kind of lukewarm cold water and like it just doesn't like someone came in they're like didn't anyone ever teach you like the water has to be like boiling hot to get like the grub off all the dishes. It cleans better if it's super hot. Yeah they flame you for that shit when you work at a restaurant and you don't want to like get your you know that burn your hands? Yeah I remember when I used to have to do the the panini press and I remember I would like put gloves on to grab It's because I didn't want to burn my hands and then like a girl would come over and just like put her entire hand

On the burning stove. Yeah, grab a lobster Just nasty and they were like you gotta get used to it lobster out in the fucking boiling water of just these nasty, moral restaurant workers. My mom is like that. I used to watch her and I'd go after her, take over for the dishes and feel the water and I was like, are you a fucking blacksmith? Yeah.

How did you get to this numbness? Girls take showers that are like at like 10,000 degrees. That's a fact. And I don't know if you know this, the wage gap is a myth. Oh really? Yeah, people are really trumping that up to try to create some kind of, I don't know if you know this, the wage gap is a myth. Oh, really? Yeah. People are really trumping that up to try to create some kind of, I don't know, bullshit overcorrection. But in my experience, women are exactly where they need to be. So if the wage gap is a myth and we start overpaying women because of the wage gap,

then that means that there's a wage deficit for men. Correct. Which to me makes me think we should change the tax code and Kamala should not be anywhere near the White House. Anywhere near the White House. Or goddamn. I didn't suppose to speak tonight. Yeah? Supposedly.

Dude, these AI videos are getting better and better. I'm glad that you're enjoying them. Have you ever seen the old ones? Like the ones where they, when, I know you've seen them. Have you ever seen the old ones like the ones where they like when? I know you've seen them like the really old, not really, it was probably a year old, but it was like right when the AI voice thing dropped and people were doing the ones of him talking about weed. Oh no, I'll play. It's like one of the funny.

It was one of the LeBron ones a lot. Those ones are pretty funny when he's talking about like Jesus. LeBron ones a lot. Those ones are pretty funny when he's talking about like Jesus. They just did one of that for Trump, LeBron talking about Trump. He's like, I told Donald, I said, I would, I think you got to cancel your rally tonight. I think something's going to go down. They're good too. These are the, this is the. I know they're good too. These are the this is a 12 pack of that gorilla that shit you can only find walking along the hashish transport paths in Azerbaijan. I'm smoking on Bhutanese Shadow Garden grown dark evil pack.

They watered this with the blood of 36 dragons shit so purple it should be asking me where's Ronald and like comparatively that's like watching a football game on TV in the 70s. Like how good the shit is now. Like that's like almost sound shitty. I know. That was like right when it's when people started doing that though. Right when people started doing like the AI voiceover shit. Dude, the fact that like when he comes on, they put him at the oval office, the desk,

and he's there and he's like, my fellow Americans, fuck you. Yeah. It's gotta be confusing for really old people. Oh yeah, he's probably like, when did I say that? I don't remember saying that shit. Was I smoking on that gorilla glue? Shit's so purple it has me asking, where's Ronald? That is hilarious.

But I feel like if you're an old person, I feel like you almost have to be, I feel like a lot of old people are kind of banded together being like, he wasn't that bad or like, he's not that senile. But I think it's the other way. Like if you're an old person, you have to be like resentful of him because he's given all old people a bad name. I don't think all old people are that far gone? I most are. You think so? Yeah. Like young eighties, early eighties?

You talk to someone in their early eighties, like you could talk to them for like 45 minutes. There's gonna be at least one thing that they say that you're like, whoa, don't say that ever. I think we've gotten away from a society that really does respect its elders, but the counterbalance to that is that medicine has improved so much that older people are living longer

and in less pain or whatever. And I'm gonna ask what age, excuse me, what time would you guys think was maybe the best time to be 85 years old? Oh probably like Like the 80s Vietnam I think now I think just the way that how good shit is now. It's probably a pretty good time But we don't respect them. I think it's got to be post World War two early Vietnam I don't think the people ever respected really old people.

I think that they stuffed them in a nursing home and it was out of sight, out of mind. That's true. And at least now nursing homes have like good cheeseburgers, beer, and fucking cable. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's not just like beating the shit

out of the old people anymore. That's crazy that that used to be, like I guess it still is probably. It still is definitely a thing. But like you just like drop your parents off at a home and then they just get fucking wailed on for the rest of their Life, they just spend the rest of your life getting fuck the shit kicked in They like they like pee their pants because they like can't help it and someone comes in and is like what the fuck is this? literally

From Happy Gilmore. Yeah, exactly. But like way less like it's like not even funny. It's so funny that Happy Gilmore scene is so funny when like when Adam Sandler's in the room and then the who's who plays the the guy? Ben Stiller. Ben Stiller? Yeah and he's like flipping off Adam Sandler's mom. Yeah. So funny. Yeah, it's gotta be fucking tough. Hey guys, let's take a second and talk about Game Time. Game Time. You know that you can go see Train, the band? I love Train. I love Train. So under it. JUPITER IN HER HAIR, HEY HEY HEY. Matt's Yankees tonight? No, no, no. Train. I'm just

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Oh, yeah. I mean, I might take us off game time. But you can sit like third, no, second row for train for $200. That's insane. That's a crazy train. Empire, the musical's got a flash deal right now. Yeah, there's really good deals. All of them on game.

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ButcherBox, yummy. Be old as fuck. Yeah. Is there any part of you guys that thinks that if you get to a certain age and you become a burden to your family, that you'll just- Run for president.

Punch your own ticket. Yeah. You're gonna punch your own ticket out of this world? No, no. And if so, if I make it to 80, I'm hanging on. I'm having a fuckfest in the nursing home. I'm having a bacchanal at Sunrise Nursing Facility. I think if I, and maybe I'm just being ridiculous,

but I do believe that if I became aware and had the cognitive awareness to know that I was a burden to my kids, my grandkids, costing lots of money that we were going through, whatever could theoretically go to the next generation. I think I would do what Alan Alda does in Little Miss Sunshine and go out by intentionally

overdosing on heroin or something like that. Yeah, everyone always says that though, like when I'm older I'm gonna do heroin and die. Like really, where do you, that's like a big thing people were like, if I knew I was gonna die, just do heroin. Well they just had to give you morphine. If you're 90 years old, where are you planning on getting heroin?

I'm not gonna walk up to Times Square. I'm not gonna walk up to Times Square. Yeah, you're gonna take your fucking walking thing up to up to fucking Harlem and get some heroin. They have it down in Chinatown for sure. Yeah, absolutely. Chinatown by where Tommy did his art show. They had a fucking dudes were fishing out. Dudes were fucking falling asleep standing up by that park over there. But I think that once they start giving you the hard morphine, you're about to die anyway.

Yeah. Once they start pumping you with multiple times a day, I guess it's a nice, comfortable way to go out. I don't know. Not exactly a bioethicist on the... Even when people are like, some sober people say they're like, when I'm not exactly a bioethicist on the... Even like when people are like, some sober people say like, they're like, when I'm like 80, I'm gonna start just like getting hammered again, because it's not gonna matter.

And it's like, I don't think getting drunk when you're 80 is gonna be like, what you think it's gonna be. Like, you're just gonna get the most insane hangovers that you've like, couldn't even comprehend. No, I don't know. I think that if you- You're gonna wake up and your skin's gonna be like shriveled up.

If you just drink all the time. Yeah, but if you go from like 40 years of not drinking to then when you're. Yeah, initially it'll suck, but then you'll get into the zone. The rhythm. It's like getting in shape. That really is.

That's how you have to drink. If you're gonna drink, you gotta drink all the time. I'm drinking a lot right now. Yeah, you got it. At my grandmom's nursing home. They would come around with a fucking like you're on an airplane They would come around with a cocktail beer wine. Yeah, and you just take whatever you want. Yeah, mix them up Okay, whatever like mixing beer and wine. Yeah, that's what my grandma was a bind Weird weird weird They're getting I think they're getting a shit face in there.

I think they're off pain medicine and they're having some fucking cocktails. I think they're enjoying themselves. Yeah. Which I mean, they're entitled to. Aren't we wearing the same shoes? We are. Did you ask me what these are? Yeah, no, he did. He did. No, I didn't. He did. I said, are those Genowski's because he said Francis new shoes right what are Janowskis Stevie

Janowsky yeah from what a character he's mounted down he's coming down is that we're talking about now it's this yeah the skateboarder no I don't fuck with that shit or Skateboarding? I don't fuck with that rebellion shit, that rebellious streak. Get a fucking job, put a tie on, fucking get some pants that fit, scumbag. You bastard.

I saw a dude today wearing a New York Fire Department shirt today, as well as while I was coming here. I almost stole and bowed him. What, what, was your firehouse? stolen Valored him. What house? What's your M.O.S.? How many rungs on your ladder? I wanted to Stolen Valor. This is going on Stolen Valor. They all say that in the video. This is going on Stolen Valor. I tried to

I thought it was like a website or something. It's like, couldn't find it. That's like when people film you and they're like, I'm gonna put this on the news. Yeah, true. World star. I went back and watched that video

we talked about, the guy at the mall. He did pretty well. He does pretty well until the phone call. That's pretty much when he accepts to feed. He does pretty well. I mean, he's talking to the kid and being like, this is who I am and this is what I do. But when he says, I do mostly missions, that part was hilarious.

But he's talking to a kid. You know, he's not going to be like, I'm attack one. I do missions. But he's not going to be like, I typically post up with a sniper rifle and pop the heads off bad guys. Yeah, I guess. He's going to say missions because he's talking to a child. No, I think he was saying missions because he doesn't

know what he would actually have been doing. You're right. Yeah. But it is an OK answer to a child. Yeah, definitely. And I was impressed with I mean he's you know it takes a very keen eye. He had a backstory. Yeah. He did his research. He's prepared. He like what looked in the mirror every morning and fucking. Yeah. So that to me speaks of a guy who is so immersed and obsessed with the lore of the military that he's probably convinced himself he's actually in

the military. Yeah, probably. Did they always get him from, you see the one that they got him with the patches? Cause he was like, it's always the he, he was like, he had three and they were like, where'd you get, where'd you get those? You only get one if you do, yeah. One for per campaign. And he was like, I got them all in Afghanistan. And they're like, that's not possible. You can't get them all in Afghanistan.

And then he said, I got two in Afghanistan and one in Iraq. He provides the answer. Yeah. And then he's like, and then the second one I got in Afghanistan, cause we went outside of Afghanistan. And they were like, that's not possible. Yeah. I respect it.

I don't. And I don't respect it because I'm like pro military. I disrespect it because I think I could do it better. So easily. Getting the patches wrong. It's like, dude, do your research, come on. Watch the other stolen valor videos. Yeah, watch, like figure out how these dudes

are getting caught and. Game tape. Yeah. You gotta be, it's like like figure out how these dudes are getting caught and game tape. Yeah, you got to be it's like hard knocks. Yeah, I watched the game tape. I don't want to ever see a stolen valor video again because there's already so many out that you should watch those if you're gonna steal Valor watch those and prepare yourself. That's how I feel about the audit videos where the cops are getting audited or whatever. Yeah, it sounds like you need a reasonable articulable suspicion of a crime. Yeah to fucking pull me over Cops should all know that right now. The auditors are running rampant. Yeah fucking running shit up We should stand outside one of the stores on 7th Avenue that sell NYPD shirt

Oh, yeah, and wait for someone to buy an NYPD shirt and be like, where's your do your basic training? Yeah You know that could get you killed in New York, right? Cops are not liked around here. They should start selling NYPD traffic patrol. Shirts. Baggy as hell. Triple XL with like a taser on the shirt. Your only defense is a can of mace that has like a three foot radius. You know if you assault the transit officer it could be up to only defenses of can of mace that has like a 40 foot radius.

You know, if you assault the transit officer, it could be up to five years in prison. I think we should pump that number up a little. I think killing a transit officer is like, it's like you have to, you have to go to jury duty or something. Community service guys go to, they, they get accused of a crime and then they can choose either the jail time or becoming a transit officer. They're just going to transit work. Those jobs must suck. Those guys are probably clocking in like 70,000 steps a day. Actually probably not because they move in slow motion. Yeah. There I saw I

was biking home. I'm just on I'm not never going in the subway again. Really? I'm big on the subway right now. Yeah? Yeah, I took the path yesterday. Woo-wee! To my apartment. I didn't know the path got out like one block away from my apartment. Oh yeah, yeah.

It's awesome. The ninth, I won't say it, sorry. I, I, but I, so I was biking home. Christopher Street. Around that area. I didn't think you were actually gonna say it. Yeah, Christopher Street. I said, started to say it, and I said I won't say it, and then you said it doesn't matter, were actually gonna say it. I said, started to say it, then I said, I won't say it.

And then you said, it doesn't matter. And then I said it. Dude, I walked out of my apartment two days ago and there was a dude standing there and he goes, there he is. And I was like, what? I didn't even say anything. Cause I was like, surely he wasn't talking to me.

He checked you off the scavenger hunt and ran along. There he is. Got him. Got his ass. And then he handed you a fucking service. Yeah, he served you with an affidavit. It was so weird. Supina? Yeah. He supinated your ass.

Process server. I don't think you have to be nice to people if they're camping out outside of your apartment. Like you can Bieber people. I think you can go full Bieber and go- Can you guys fucking leave me alone? I just got out of mass. I know it's- I'm healing right now.

I realize this is your job as a paparazzi, but I'm a goodie too. I have a family to feed as well, but please, enough, please. Dude, but I was biking up, I was biking up Canal Street yesterday and I like was pulling up to a red light, like along the side of the bike lane and like a cop car just swings its back door open, like almost smoked me with it. Yeah. And the fucking fattest cop walking slow as fucking possible. Yeah. Lumbered out of the back seat and like he was just carrying like a Starbucks Frappuccino like a Trienta. Like a 30 ounce Starbucks Frappuccino and he was getting dropped

off by like two other cops and both of them in the front seat they were drinking huge Frappuccinos as well. Like they had gone on a Frapp run and he was getting dropped off to fucking do foot patrol on Canal. Don't you think that if you're that fat and you are trying to lose weight, which some people aren't, maybe they're not trying to lose weight, but just simply cutting out the Frappuccino with ice cream and whipped cream on it,

you'd probably lose like 50 pounds in a year. That's a treat though. No, but you don't need a treat to start your day. And also I drink Starbucks every day. You can get a coffee with a little syrup in it or something. It's probably like 800 less calories and it's still sweet and tasty.

People like what they like. That's part of their routine. I told you guys about when I got the wrong Starbucks order. What was it again? You got a sweet treat? I ordered Starbucks and it came. Oh, they brought it to your door. And they brought it to my door. And it was just got a sweet treat I ordered Starbucks in the in the brought to your door and they brought to my door and it was a

It was just like a massive milkshake And it was like 8 a.m. And I was like who is starting their day and it's 90% of America Yeah, I went I used to have I used to love Dunkin Donuts coffee cool otters. Oh the ice in them is almost different. You can like crunch the ice in your teeth. Well, everyone loves those. Those are fantastic. And I hadn't had one in fucking, uh, like four score in seven years. When the cool.

Otter dropped, it changed the world. It changed the world. I used to drink the strawberry ones. Yeah, I drank the, I was a blue guy. It had, Ooh, blue is crazy. Well, I was probably like eight. Yeah. The orange ones too, but they're delicious, but it was definitely,

starting your day with a culotta is so funny though. I went awake and I'm to go to work, and you're like, I got to get a culotta before I go in. I was craving one. It's too hot. I went back to one. I need a full on slushie. And they're so, not only like syrupy, but also milky.

Like the milk just sits on your tongue. Well, that's probably the coffee one. I don't think that the blue. No, the blue don't have any milk. No, yeah. The blue is made of pure petrol. It was so good. It was just so tasty.

Windshield wiper fluid. Absolutely fucking. One that, dude, a slushie is something that I don't know if I'll ever have again, but I want one, like the, I want the Baja Blast slushie so bad. And a movie is like one of the best treats, but you can't even go to a movie theater anymore without getting a four-course meal. Yeah, movie theaters in New York are fancy as hell.

People are talking about that movie you went to see. Audity. Audity. Dude, so scary. People are saying it's one of the scariest movies of the last couple years. So scary. When did you start doing this of going to horror movies by yourself? Because that is a pretty bad first step on-

Well, I told you I'm not going by myself. I go with friends. Oh, you do? Yes, you asked me that the other day. I said I'm not going by myself. I go with a group of people. Oh. Yeah. Okay, well that's comforting.

I'm happy to hear that. Yeah. But why don't we say you sport? Did you see that? Okay, so he said that. He never even told me he was going to see long legs He never said if he said I'm seeing it tonight. I wouldn't have told him the entire movie But why would you tell him the entire man honestly?

I would hope that he respects me enough to if he was going tonight Cancel the plans I told him the movie's dog shit dude, but I wouldn't even tell someone but I wouldn't even tell someone the end of. So the fact that I went on a 30 minute rant about how bad the movie is and he still went and saw it makes me think he doesn't even respect my opinion at all. Yeah, but he can make up his own opinion for himself. Sometimes it's nice to hear a movie sucks because it lowers the expectations. Sometimes when I hear movie rules, I go in. It was so bad.

And so then I was like, I got to go see oddity and oddity last night was a battle in my apartment just all night, dude. I didn't go to bed until like 3 a.m. last night. I got into bed at 1130 last night. I didn't fall asleep until three because I got up multiple times, turned on all the lights, looking around. I'm like, someone hearing something in my apartment. What the fuck is that noise? There is a lot of noise in your apartment. Oh yeah. I was so scared last night. You should get one of those ambient noise machines,

the white noise machines. Yeah. Well then I threw on a podcast and then I just listened to an hour and 45 minute podcast. You should put on a black noise machine and it's just like people playing basketball. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Rap battling. That old Nike commercial where they're bouncing and squeaking their sneakers. Yeah. Oh, I can't sleep without my black noise machine. Ribs sizzling on a grill. Jazz. Smooth jazz.

Audity was horrifying, though. The jump scares are too much. You said you close your eyes. I close scares are, it was too much. You said you closed your eyes. I closed my eyes like for most of that movie. When you do that, do you just go like this or do you go like this? So what I did was I had a big popcorn and I put it in front of me and then I would just stare at the center of the popcorn.

But then at the end, by the end, I had already been through too many pop outs. I went full like ear plugging my ears. I have the, it's closed. It's plugging the ears for me. I was like, get me out of this room. I need to simulate not being here. Yeah. It was so scary. It was great. I cover my ears and in my life, when I've ever been on like a date or watched a horror movie with a girl and I didn't want her to know that I was a pussy bitch? Cause I'll look over and if, I'm sorry, is this not a fact that you? Oh no. I'm listening.

Don't, hey, tell me. Dardini was texting me. Sean? Yeah, Sean. Yeah. All right, continue. We're ready. What did he say?

I don't know. I didn't read it. Just glanced? It was two screenshots or something. Oh wow, could have been anything. Could have been anything, could have been big. You know it's funny, this story I was about to tell, or this little anecdote was a piggyback on his point. Yeah. Dude, literally all that happened was my phone buzzed and I went like this, and then you halted

the entire conversation. Well all that happened earlier was he moved his microphone and you said, what are you doing with your microphone? Yeah. And I think the way that we're set up here is it's harder for me to look at Ron. I'm sort of looking at you for much of the conversation. I get it.

That's on me. And so when I'm talking to you and adding onto, riffing, on top of something you've entered into the conversation. Yeah. And you just immediately pick up your phone. I lose my confidence. All right, continue. Well, I don't want to know. I don't feel good about it anymore.

I want to continue this conversation. I need to hear this because I do have a lot more to say. All it was is that I get self-conscious and if you're on a date or something, you're watching a horror movie with a girl and you start covering your ears And then you look over and she's just like raw dogging the screen yeah, and then I I have to kind of make it more subtle. I'm like yeah Yawning for like third three straight minutes like oh my face is aching

You're trying to find something something to do with your eyes, aside for look at the screen. I can't even have it in my periphery. I'll throw my jewel on the ground, and I'm like, fuck. Where's my jewel? I'm going to look for this. You stuff it in that. Good riff.

Good riff. And we would have had that. We just did have it. No, it was totally garbled and disjointed Because of that whole Gardini Sean thing. Well, I'll tell him to stop texting me during my hours What what's what do you think the scariest horror movie you ever seen is? For me it's The Conjuring. Yeah, I think so three for me run I don't watch a ton of horror movies. Let's see think like no, I think you guys are pussies You're closing your eyes and covering your ears and help it. it. By the way, I also do it when ambulances go by. I

have zero shame. I'm just sensitive to light and sound. That's old school autism, like walking into a loud grocery store and fucking closing your ears. Yeah. No, I accept it and I know I'm a pussy about it, but I still love them. Old school autism, as opposed to our present day understanding of autism, which is every single thing that anyone does. Oh yeah. It's like, you know people who are good at music are probably autists, because they have this sensory

predilection towards fucking rhythm and sound. Dude, I went to a bar last night, and it was like a piano bar, and the place had a new pianist performing what was it called the nines dude I was about to go to the nines last night it was cool I put their menus not great so I went to dot Toscana instead oh I've heard that this is awesome the best is that next to the cellar yeah it's right up the street you didn't tell me you were in the neighborhood brother because I know you're not booked in the cellar brother brother. If I was by the stand, I'd hit you up.

Yeah. I still, I live near there. Could have hit me up. We could have, you could have come over. We could have. Every time we're in that neighborhood, I tell my wife that, we're like, where, where, where Sass lives? She's like, I know.

You tell me every fucking time. I'm fucking tired of it. Why don't you guys ever pop over? I got, I was lonely as hell last night. Because you hate it when we pop over. No one's ever popped over, ever. We used to come over all the time to report the podcast. To record and not to hang out.

And I liked hanging out. I was worried that you didn't have a pile of clothes for her to sit on. No one pops over anymore. I was so bored last night, I had to switch franchises in my dynasty. Teaser, Christ. I'm back to DC. But get this.

How was the nines? I was sitting at a table, it was a booth, and it was a big booth that could actually accommodate two different parties of people, and one party that I was splitting the booth with got up and left, and I hadn't really talked to them much. And then they were replaced by four of the coolest gay guys I'd ever seen.

They looked like a funk band, it was very hard guys I'd ever seen. Just, they looked like a funk band. It was very hard, I don't know. What's like a cool gay guy, like a straight guy? Yeah, exactly. They were, they made, they were, these guys. I asked them, I was like, what are you guys, you know, they had light colored sunglasses on. See through, yellow.

Really? And then one had a pencil mustache and his hands were tattooed artfully. And then the other guy looked like Chalamet quite a bit. It might've been Chalamet. It really did look a lot like him. And then one was just this fresh face, beautiful boy. Also Chalamet.

And I said, what do you guys do? You know, you all look so cool. And three of them were concert pianists, and the other was a designer, a fashion designer. God damn. The guy with the pencil mustache. And then we proceeded to shit on the pianist who was playing because she was not good.

And you also, you said I also have a. At one point, the group I was with was like, you should take over, kick her off, because I was better than she was. Really? And I said, I don't want to do that. I don't want to steal work from her and upstage her and all that.

And then they came in and I was so glad that I had not taken the seat from this woman because if I had been playing when they came in, I would have been really bad to them. Wait, is there the option there that you can play? No, they wouldn't allow it. It's like going to the cellar and being like, I'm gonna go up tonight.

Yeah, they wouldn't allow it. I'm glad I didn't go up. But me and the gay guys, the gay pianist just, you know, talked shit about the piano player for 20 minutes. And it was really bonding experience. You and four gay penis? Only three were pianists. One was a designer with the hand tattoos. One was a piano designer. He built the pianos and they played on them.

Do you have to dress to the nines at the nines? I think there's a dress code. But I was just- What is it? It looks like honestly you might have not gotten in last night. I didn't get in at all. Didn't miss the have not gotten in last night You wore I did wear this that's a good that's a good nine's fit. This is exactly what I was wearing Yeah, yeah great nice fit But uh yeah, so what's the dress code is it like a fucking suit? I don't know no I was wearing this

Literally wearing this I used to love going to places like that. A piano bar? Like a nice music, slow jazz. Yeah, it's not that. It's not a dueling pianos kind of place. Howl at the Moon is, I mean, I have no problem with it, but it's like, people get shit faced and make out there. What's the big one, Blue Note?

Is that what it's called? That's a jazz club. That one's hard to get into. That's like the famous jazz club. I think that's the seller of jazz. Yeah. Yeah. Arthur's, you've been to Arthur's?

Fun. I'd like to dip into the jazz scene a little bit more. I saw Savion Glover at the Blue Note. You know who Savion Glover is? Yeah. He's like, no you don't. Yeah, Don's brother. Don's brother.

He's like the most famous tap dancer of all time. And the dude's- Childish Trombino. Trombona would have been better Childish trombono. Yeah, but he just likes he just like wore t-shirt up and like fucking tap dance until he was drenched in sweat Yeah, yeah, it was kind of sweet. It's probably awesome. It was it was that is cool being a musician is probably so fun Yeah, is it that fascinating? It seems exhausting. Like a jazz?

A jazz, like a live jazz musician, that job, and being a chef at a big time restaurant, seem so tiring that I fundamentally don't think I could ever do it, for that reason alone. I think, well I think working at being a chef at a big restaurant's probably way less fun than being a musician. I've never understood it.

Being a chef is like, you don't even get to see people enjoying what you're doing. Yeah. Best case scenario is someone goes, that was pretty good. Where like you tell the waiter to like be like, hey, my compliments to the chef. And the waiter's like, I'm not fucking complimenting the chef. He hates me. Yeah, the chef's a dick. He's going to scream down my throat

You played it the fucking branzino wrong. That's why I do like open kitchens where you can watch the chefs they are no longer getting the Secrecy that allows them to fuck up in front of you really put pubes in your meal But yeah, yeah, but they have opened the wall for compliments Yeah, and if that's the case, I will let them know There's a place in Philly called alaspina where and they had something on the menu called owed to the publican which meant that you could buy a six-pack for the kitchen and it's like you could buy booze for them and it's like

Have them enjoy themselves, which I thought was a cool way to like kind of tip the back end of the house. But did you see- A lot of them are probably like we'd rather just have money. Yeah, beers like one dollar. Yeah, we get it for free. It's free for us. It would be awesome if you guys could just give us money. Yeah, we much prefer that. But did you see the thing that was going around? It was like maybe it was a survey or something that said that most high-end chefs, they're like, what they eat the most is like fast food. What?

Or like, and I think it kind of made sense because like fast food is at least like solid. I mean, if you read Kitchen Confidential, Bourdain would go fucking slap a burger or fucking some ramen or some shit like that. Something super easy. And I think it's because like mid food that you could get out isn't as good as like just like the quickness and ease of getting some fast food. And if you're a chef, you don't want to take your work home. It's like a maid having a messy house. I get that. But don't they do the family style meals? I love the idea of that. Every family meal at restaurants. Oh, maybe. Cook a bunch of food in a big, big quantity and serve it to the staff. Maybe. I bet some

restaurants do that. Or did they do, is that like the bear type of thing? They do in the bear. But I never had, when I worked at a restaurant, we never did that. All we would do is we would go in and we'd have like a team meeting and they'd be like, now chef is gonna come in and present the special for the day and all the sheep would go over and eat and go chef, this is the greatest thing I've ever had. Yeah. Stunk in their fork and.

I would never try it. I did, I tended bar at the Mason Jar for a year in New York and they would do a family style meal before but it was always some big quantity know, big quantity of pasta. Yeah. Something easy and cheap. Like a team dinner. Yeah.

Just buttered noodles. It's nice. Bowling ease again. You don't say thanks. Mrs. Johnson. It's nice when you can make your own shit at a restaurant and they're not like charging you like anytime I've worked at a restaurant and they're not like charging you

Like anytime i've worked at I mean i've only worked at shitty restaurants But you just make your own fucking roast beef sandwich make your own fucking yeah I never had that we had a the pizza place I worked at we would we would get we would get to take pies home That was nice. That was cool. Yeah at the end of the night Like they they'll just have bonus pies. They'll just have excess pies that they're not going to put out in the morning. That was awesome. When you live with a bunch of dudes and you bring home a fucking stack of pies, or they'll call it, like my friends would call me when I was a delivery driver and they would order like two, two liters just so I could come home and like smoke weed.

Yeah, that's awesome. Oh, that's cool. It was really nice. That's nice. But one time I was fucking rushing to get home. I had like one order and I had the two two liters and I was trying to get my one order done and I was just rushing and I like,

didn't look far enough like into the intersection. I got fucking T-boned. No, really? Cause I was rushing home to try and smoke weed with the fellas with it for the two liters. Wow, brutal. It was nasty and I had to like, I like limp. I was like on the block of the delivery. I like limped up with the fellas with it for the 2002 leaders. That's brutal. It was nasty. And I had to like, I was like on the block of the delivery. I like limped up with the delivery.

Like that scene in Whiplash where he gets hit by the truck and he waddles to the venue. Yeah, basically I'm the same as a concert drummer. I gotta get this pizza delivered. Gotta do my fucking job. I was basically like chaps when he got shot. Yeah. Basically the same type of valor. It's fun for all of us to look back on our sort of blue-collar days

And so I'm gonna you know the part of our days of you know driving food delivery and working at restaurants bartending The best I got fired from that bartending job. Yeah. Yeah, I got fired too But I also just told this entire story on Dan Soder's podcast so I feel like I shouldn't say it again. Probably for the best. Yeah. How'd you get fired for it? I'll tell it. Can you hold off for a bit? I'll try to hold off. I just don't want to spoil my big appearance. Put your phone on silent though. Yeah. Let Sean know he needs to wait a few minutes. I'll tell Sean to hold on. Well, just text him now.

Stand down and stand by. Do you want to just stand back and say, just check what the screenshots were now so Francis can get into a storage. No, it's not a long story. The story is that I went swimming in the Jersey Shore one weekend and I went to dive for a frisbee in the surf and I dove sort of sideways to catch it in the shallows, just as the wave was cresting and the wave hit my head and I got a concussion. And I got a concussion that was so obviously a concussion

that I don't remember coming back up off the beach and then I was throwing up that day. Oh, from the water? You have a kind of a bad history with diving into water. I sure do. That's crazy. My relationship with judging depth is not great. Yeah.

I do like to imagine you standing in one foot of water and then just fully diving into it headfirst Yeah, I like to imagine your depth perception being so bad that you see like a plane going like behind a building and you're like look out The plane's about to hit that building planes 35 Yeah, so I got concussed and I was very concussed and that was on a Sunday. The next day I had to show up for work for the bartending job and I would come in

for a lot of the lunch shifts because I was new and that's where you made the least amount of money. Right. And I remember that that day I put in probably seven or eight lunch orders in a row that were completely the wrong thing. Like someone would order a cheeseburger and I'd put in like a quinoa salad. Yeah. And then I'd hand it to him and he'd be like what?

Are you fucking kidding me? And I'm like yeah that, that's no and it happens seven times in a row I had no idea what was going on and then that didn't that day they fired me That's really cool. You fucked up so many orders in a row. You're not coming back. Yeah, that's pretty Did you did you I mean you could go back with like a lawsuit and be like, yeah fired me cuz I was concussed Morgan And Morgan because I got concussed by the softest substance on earth, water. This was a time in my life where those sorts of thoughts, I just assumed everything I did wrong was my fault, which is carried forth to this day. Yeah.

It's probably that concussion that you should just take a drive through New Jersey and you get 70 lawyers. You ever drive through New Jersey, every single billboard is just got hurt at work? Yeah. Question mark. Vegas, dude, leaving Vegas, it's like injured in your hotel. Yeah.

It's like so specific. It's got to be. It's got to just be. Punched by a guy named Steve? I was like, what? It's probably easy because if you, those hotels in Vegas are probably like billion dollar companies. So you can just, if you like even made up that you got hurt the settlements probably like $30,000 at least. Dude I haven't been to Vegas in probably five years and out of nowhere I have two trips to Vegas this fall. Damn

really? Yeah. I want to go back to Vegas. Scangfest? No I'm going for I got a gig out there. Wise Guys? No like a corporate gig. Oh yeah yeah. Which I'm going for, I got a gig out there. Wise Guys? No, like a corporate gig. Oh yeah, yeah. Which I'm kind of excited about. And then I have a buddy's birthday who is, he's now living in Switzerland and he's making a big trip

and rallying a huge group to go have his birthday in Vegas. And he wants us to be there from like Thursday till Monday. Yeah, you should. No, no. You cannot go to Vegas for that long. Dude, Thursday till Monday during football season in Vegas is so fun. No, no, get out early.

I'm thinking I might go Saturday to Monday. Or go Thursday and leave Saturday night. The whole point is to be there for Sunday, for Sunday football. And if I'm gonna be there for Sunday football, I know that two nights for me is probably my max in Vegas. Dude, uh, going to, I'm pretty sure it's Circus Circus. Is that the one that has the outdoor, it's like a pool with all the fucking, all the

games on at the pool? Circa. Oh yeah. That, that one, I don't know if it has a, I watched, that's where I watched during Skank Fest, we, like Josh Potter, like knows the guy at Circa and he got like a reserved area for all the comics and it was like the most fun thing I've done. I want to go and I want to tell Taylor and Will to be there with Dana to bring me to that magical ATM of a Blackjack table. Print money. That would be kind of nice. Yeah.

I would like that. You're pretty good at blackjack too. Me? Yeah. I mean, I know basic strategy. We went to that Penn Casino, you and those brothers were rolling. We did pretty well there.

Yeah. That was a good one. It was just like Francis and like six black dudes just running the blackjack table. And we figured out how, we actually got on the same page about what handshakes we would do if we want hands. And I lost all of, we got paid. I lost all of my money on roulette

by myself, just sitting at a roulette table by myself, lost all of my money and then went and sat in the food court and waited for Francis to finish playing blackjack. Jesus Christ. Why don't you just go hang out with him? That's why you were, you were probably uncomfortable. That's why you need a- Because I didn't know how to play Blackjack. You need a black noise machine. Yeah, exactly.

That would have had you more comfortable. Yeah. Well, I mean, I just lost like $700. I was like, I'm going to go sit by myself for a while. It was brutal. And Francis was so drunk. Was I? You were hammered.

Oh. And I was like dead sober. I was having a great time. Francis won like two grand. No, and I was like dead. So I was having a great time. Francis won, won like two grand. I lost. I didn't win. I lost $700. I think I won.

And then we drove, I drove us from the, from the casino to the hotel. And then we stayed in that hotel. Oh, it was the worst weekend ever, dude. And then we drove home the next day. It was a seven hour drive there. He's told this. I've told this story. I've told this story, but we go to drive home

and Francis is like, all right, yeah, you can just drive me up off on the left over here. And then I had to drive eight hours by myself home. I didn't tell him that I was getting out early. That's amazing. We started driving and he's like, I just pull over here. And it was just a 10 hour drive.

I thought that this was going to be a goodwill tour stop for us. For Penn. Yeah. Yeah. But little did we know that the Penn deal was coming to an end. And also they didn't give a shit about us at all. No, they certainly didn't. I don't think it was.

They're like, we're a gambling company. Like, yeah, I guess you can do some comedy. We went to the bar stool bar and we were like ordering drinks and we were like, we work at bar stool and they were like, oh, that's sick. It's going to be 30 bucks. Yeah. We didn't get any sort of compage. We thought we were going to get like free chips and stuff. Chips. Yeah. Hell no. No, They were very nice to us. They were at the casino. Weird rules though. They can't serve us drinks. What was that weird rule? I can't remember quite. I was like, can I get a beer? And they were like, you have to go and get it. We're

technically not allowed to bring you beer. Yeah. That was in the green room. In the green room. Yeah. We did get the food. It was crazy. Food was great. You go to a place like that, they're like, what do you guys want for food? We got like steaks. Yeah. It was great. It was good. I got to hit out. I got to hit out.

I got to hit out and about. Oh shit, yeah. And you got to go too. Yeah, I got to run. All right. Love you guys. Son of a boy, dad. Buy some merch or something.

Come see me and Sass in Cleveland at Hilarities August, I think it's 14th through the 16th or 15th through the 17th. I'm gonna be in Cincinnati too August 1st. Tickets at punchuplive.com slash Francis Ellis or little sassquatch website.com. I'm also in Austin in September. And then he and I are in Rochester and Kansas City and Grand Rapids Michigan.

I'll be in Dallas as well. I don't know if the ticket links are up for that. Anyway, check us out. Subscribe to the YouTube channel. Thank you guys. Bye.