Son of a Boy Dad - Hakuna Matata | Son of a Boy Dad #217

Episode Date: July 18, 2024

Hakuna Matata | Son of a Boy Dad #217 -- Adam Ferrone, Francis Ellis & Lil Sasquatch -- Ad: Go to https://Butcherbox.com/BOYDAD and use code BOYDAD at checkout for $20 off! -- Ad: Download the Gametime app or go to https://gametime.co, enter your email, and redeem code BOYDAD for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply). -- Follow us on our socials: https://linktr.ee/sonofaboydad -- Merch: https://store.barstoolsports.com/collections/son-of-a-boy-dad -- SUBSCRIBE TO THE YOUTUBE #SonOfABoyDad #BarstoolSportsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey son of a boy dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. No, I don't think these mics really have a smell. There's literally not a zero smell. You're wrong. I doesn't smell like anything. You're wrong. I'm not making this up. Unless you have like superhuman smell.

It smells musty and dank. I can't control. It smells like the material that it is. Mine smells nice. Mine has a nice pheromone scent. That one actually smells better than mine. And you're breathing into yours now too. Yeah. You might be the hot breath champion. You got some hot breath.

No, I don't. It's hot. Put a thermometer in this hole. I'm extremely insecure about my breath smell. Are you really? Yeah, because someone told me that my breath smells bad a couple years ago. That's such a tough thing.

It was Shane. Shane Gillis told me my breath smelled bad. Oh, wow. Yeah. Multiple times. Oh, no. But then he said it to Chris O'Connor too. And then I was like, I think he just is sensitive to smell. Shane Gillis told me my breath smelled bad. Oh wow. Yeah, multiple times. Oh no. But then he said it to Chris O'Connor too

and then I was like, I think he just is sensitive to smell. You know the Japanese, they tell you not to wear cologne out. They're like, if you wear cologne into a restaurant, we reserve the right to ask you to leave the restaurant. Because it affects the taste? No, just because they're sensitive to smell. Wow.

Shane might be Japanese. Yeah, a little bit. He's got a little Japanese in him. Someone once told me that that song, "'I'm Turning Japanese' was some metaphor for masturbation. Pixelated penis. "'Turning Japanese', I'm really turning Japanese. I really think so now."

Like they're coming faces? That is what someone told me. Is Japanese. But I don't believe it. Or is it like, is there an old adage about beating off, beating dick to the point of you're getting stuck. Do Japanese people even masturbate? I feel like they don't have time for that.

I don't know. They're too busy entertaining clients. Yeah, they drink all night and then they sleep on the street and then they go right back to work. It was Ruben Fisher Baum who said it, and he was smart. He ended up at Yale. One day we were coming back from Williston West Church

where we'd done an all school assembly, and we were on a bus. Baum at a church sounds incongruous. It was pretty non-denominational. Oh, okay. Yeah, non-denominational and incongruous a little bit. Ruben spotted a $20 bill on the street as our bus drove past it, just sitting in a pile of leaves.

And it was off our school property, and we were middle school, and we pulled in the buses, and he got out, and he ran across the street and got it. And we were all thinking, oh no, he's gonna get in trouble for leaving school grounds. It was only across the street and got it. And we were all thinking, oh no, he's gonna get in trouble for leaving school grounds. It was only across the street. But he brought it back. And then we all felt that for keeping a lookout,

cheering him on, I guess this was just a time when we thought- You were entitled. Surely you're gonna divide that up. Yeah. And he went and bought, I think, 15 chocolate chip cookies. Damn. And did not give much away. think, 15 chocolate chip cookies. Damn. And did not give much away.

Well, that would have been, I mean, if it's just the $20 bill, it's almost impossible to divide. He's like, I'm taking this home and putting it in my piggy bank, I'm saving it for a rainy day. If it's fucking chocolate chip cookies, that's one of the most universal currencies that there are. It's pretty divisible. It's very divisible.

Not really, how many people were there? There must have been at least six of us who wanted it. Okay wanted some well six and he is 15 cookies That's definitely nine cookies for himself. It was too many He could have taken home some cookies and still broken the boys off. I would have snitched at that point I think you really you cap out at four cookies. Yeah, Ruben Fisher Baum was incredible at Geography would have given KB a run for his money. They were they were the same type of thing. They were autistic I Guess Can't be good at geography without a touch of autism now. Have you ever seen the Geo guesser guys who are just incredible?

Yeah, KB. No, there's there's ones that are better. There's guys who are like, they'll just see a road and they'll triangulate it to a cross street in Kuala Lumpur. There's tricks though. I think it's similar to the crossword. I think it's like when you do the crossword, because I did the crossword with KB and there was like questions where like then he has like, if it has a question mark, it means it's like a riddle or something like that What does it mean? Yeah? Yeah Yeah, like a pun. Yeah, I think there's I think there's different like they look at things that you wouldn't normally look at Like they look at like the street signs. They look at all that shit. That makes sense. The gravel roads. Yeah They're driving. Yeah

Speaking of Ruben Fisher bomb though. I think it was Baum. Baum excuse me. I was saying Baum. I was too yeah. Ruben Fisher Baum. Chocolate chip cookies were different then though. They were. We've ascended to a point in time where chocolate chip cookies are like a high value menu item that you're paying. Yeah. Like seven to $9 for a single cookie. They're pricey these days. You know who has a good chocolate chip cookie is the Amtrak. The one in the plastic wrap?

Yes, it's a very good chocolate chip cookie. Get out of town, you're not right. I love a good salty cookie. Well, you know what? You are correct. Yeah. It is salty. Yeah, it's good.

Now that I think about it, and salt is maybe the key ingredient to a good chocolate chip. Yeah, it's good. Now that I think about it. And salt is maybe the key ingredient to a good chocolate chip. Yeah, it's a damn good cookie. Because I'm not a big buy cookie person. I'm more of a, when my mom makes cookies, I'll eat a cookie. Yeah, home baked. Yeah.

But like the Amtrak one, I got one time out of, I was extremely hungry. And it was damn good. It's not bad. They have a good blondie on the Amtrak as well. Ah. I saw a line around Like past crumble cookie yesterday riding my bike and it was basically it was Like John's of bleaker Street it like circled down the block

It was so many people waiting to get a crumble cookie. Were they giving them away for free? They might have been doing a promotion like that. It must have been some shit like that. Yes. I can't believe that there's such a market for cookies. I love cookies. And we have had a considerable amount of progress in cookie technology. I mean, Michael Foster Blough must have been making,

he must have been buying hard cookies with no bend to them, barely a stick of butter among all 15. But now there's a stick of butter in every crumble cookie that you get. That's true. They're so soft and buttery. I remember the days in New York City

where there was one cookie to rule them all and it was the Levain cookie. And there was only one location in the entire country. It was on the Upper West Side near, what the fuck, Lincoln Side near Lincoln Center. Lincoln Center. And you'd go and it was just this tiny little place downstairs. You see the opera, you got a cookie.

Bing, bang, bong. And. Blom, bing, bang, bong. And it was a destination. You'd go wait in line, you'd get the cookie and then they franchised another everywhere, everywhere, but they're still good. I saw a video of, I live right near a blank street coffee.

Yes, private equity owned. Yeah, I saw a video of Sabrina Carpenter serving coffee at a blank street, and I'm texting everyone, I'm like, I guess Sabrina Carpenter was like right next to my, I didn't realize that it's like one of the most popular coffee franchises in the world. They're everywhere. Well, they were built, it's an interesting business model.

It wasn't like we started a little one, that got popular, we added two more locations and now they're everywhere. It was, they started out of the gates with a ton of location. No, but I literally thought that there was one. I'm adding new information. Yeah, yeah. I thought there was one blank street coffee. They're global. I understand. Yeah, and I explained why. Yeah, no, I get it.

But you didn't take that information in. No, I did. It just wasn't interesting to me at all. And nor was what you said. No, what I said was a good story. And then you went to add on like the, you were trying to do a little like. I riffed.

I wouldn't call it riffing. I riffed. I wouldn't call it riffing. I layered. No, I'm trying to think of a good example of what a riff would be there. No, don't worry about it. Maybe like a jab, like you fucking moron.

That's dripping. Something like that. We might be a carpenter podcast. We could be. She's on top of the world. Well, we build on things and she's on top of the world. Yeah. It goes both ways.

Like we're basically how there's like Taylor watch or whatever, Swift watch. Yeah. We're a carpenter watch. Carpenters. We gotta start tracking her private jet. We're the carpenter bees. You think she flies private?

No, yeah, yeah. I hope so. Yeah, for sure. She definitely does. We need to cobble together some cash if she doesn't. She might not have her own plane, but she's definitely got somebody. Concert venues are sending her around on a NetJets account that they have. Live Nation is sending her planes.

That's right. Right. If our favorite stand-up comedians are flying private, whose names I won't say. I think most of them nowadays. Francis flew private to a special taping. I was like that feels a little excessive you're just going to Chicago. He flew in a very small plane. He flew in a plane that was open on the top. I flew the plane. I had to take classes. He was doing it Amelia Earhart style. He flew the Wright Brothers plane? Yeah, I was holding on. Someone pushed it from either side just to get it going.

I had to wear those goddamn goggles. No, I flew Delta, of course. Of course, of course, of course. The one, the only, the Delta. No, United. I'm telling you. I was looking at United flights, and I cannot do it. I flew United back from fucking Arizona from like the

Superbowl or some dumb shit that I was doing out there and it sucked. No, it's better. The meals are so, the meals are so much better than the Delta meals. It was the floppiest piece of lettuce I'd ever, it was so wilted. That's just a food that you don't get on a plane. You don't get the lettuce.

Oh my God. I cooked two nights ago. Of course. A ton of broccolini, a pound and a half of Alaskan king salmon, and a gigantic pot of brown rice. You're meal prepping? And I cooked it all.

And I ate a bunch of it. And then I put a bunch of it into a Tupperware container. And last night I was sitting and absentmindedly eating it and I looked in and saw what I thought was sort of a fleck of dirt. It was a bug. No, in your broccolini? In my broccolini.

What kind of bug? It was as if it was a big. Good riff. Yeah, exactly. I'm a professional. You fucking bastard pussy. See, there we go. Tagging it up. Tag it, tag it and bag it. What kind of bug was it? It was a, it was as if it was a, uh, almost like a reverse ladybug, but it was bigger. A beetle?

Inside, it must've been a beetle of some kind. Wait, did it land on there once you took it out? No, it was dead in the food, which meant that I cooked it with the broccolini. It was probably in the broccolini branch, and I cooked it. No. And I don't know, I ate around it, but I was pretty, I didn't feel great.

Does that gross you out? Like are you, or do bugs disgust you? Cause I- Eating my food, yeah. Eating your food makes sense. In my food, I have no problem grabbing a spider or swatting a thing. Really? Or I got no issues with that.

Cockroaches even, not bothered. But inside my food, I still finished the food. I know I didn't eat a cockroach, I had a water bug. Yeah. What? Oh, at the most dangerous game. And a scorpion. I wouldn't have a problem probably eating a scorpion.

Scorpion wasn't bad. Because I know people eat them. It's very, it's just like an intense chip. Yeah. It's extremely chewy, but it's very dry. It's like shattering in your mouth. Yeah. But it wasn't the water bug.

The water bug was disgusting. The water bug is like a quarter of a bite of. Anything that would ooze or burst in my mouth after taking a bite, which I think a water bug would do. No, the water bug was do. Is there a- No, a water bug was like biting into like a couch cushion. It looked dense as hell. Yeah, it was not crumbly at all.

It was extremely thick and tough. What? Yeah. I would have thought the thorax was filled with goo. I think it probably dries out when they cook it. Maybe so. Or the goo is so dense in the thorax that it doesn't burst like you'd want a gusher

to burst. Nasty. I don't want it to burst. That is the hard, that is the worst thing I've seen on, when we used to watch Man vs. Wild before Bear Grylls revealed that he was a fraud. Right. Spending the night in Red Roof Inns. I was equally, I had the same sensation when I would watch Timon and Pumbaa bite into the bugs

while they sang Hakuna Matata. You were grossed out? Yeah, it was just like a... Oh, that scene is so gross. For some reason, I liked it for them. I hated that. I found it appetizing because I was able to embody the warthog and the, what is he, a meerkat? A meerkat. Yeah.

They took too much pleasure. I mean, I just wouldn't have been able to enjoy it. I guess they were just enjoying it. The warthog and the, what is he, a meerkat? A meerkat. Yeah. They took too much pleasure. I mean, I just wouldn't have been able to enjoy it. I guess they were just enjoying it. Like it was a sweet shop or something like that. I think they intentionally made it gross. Well, sure. But all the different colors and they'd lift a log

and there'd be all these different things and they'd put it on a leaf and create sort of a casserole type thing. It was, it's weird because I asked the question about the bugs because I've always hated, I've always been disgusted by bugs, but since I started fly fishing, it's like you're around the bugs and you gotta pick up the rocks and see what kind of bugs are.

None of those bugs grossed me out. Like we had like salmon flies crawling all over us, which are like this big, they're fucking huge. But for some reason, like none of those bugs bother me, but spiders still just fucking like, just scut, like I saw a spider and it's like, you gotta get it off of you immediately. It's not great.

Spiders aren't great. And the sensation of walking in the woods and your face goes through a spider web. Oh, it's the worst. But one time when I was a child, I was in a field of milkweed. And a- What's milkweed?

It is the long stem with the bulb, which will open and has sort of the feathery filaments inside. They're very fun to take apart. If you break it, there's little white, sort of milky syrup that comes. But it is the food of choice for the monarch caterpillar, which will... Turn into a monarch butterfly.

Turn into a monarch butterfly. Crystallize, crystallize. Crystallize, right? Crystallize. The crystallize metamorphicizes. Yeah, one of the coolest things in nature, truly. Yeah, it's crazy that they know what to do. Monarch butterflies are at risk,

and I think it's because of the depletion of milkweed. Really? I'm not certain. It's probably because you were stomping through that field. Well, I wasn't stomping. You're breaking off into a sucking down thistle. I was dancing.

Frolicking. Frolicking, and I came upon an incredibly symmetrical spider web that was glistening in the sun. There may have been dew upon it. Oh, nice. And this was the typeening in the sun. There may have been dew upon it. Oh, nice. And this was the type of child I was. I was, and maybe I've told this story before, but I was always enraptured by the violence of nature. And I caught a cricket in my hand. There were crickets throughout the field and I hunted one down and I caught it. And then I went over to the spider web

and I threw it into the spider web. Oh my God. And I'm not kidding you, the spider immediately raced down and wrapped it as fast as it could, much like Frodo in Lord of the Rings. Yes. And wrapped it. Or a spider. I'm sorry?

Is it or a spider? What do you mean? Much like a spider would. But that's what's that's in Lord of the Rings. Frodo gets caught by a spider. Yeah. I just meant like a spider would also do that. But that was what happened.

Exactly. So it's not like that. It was that. It's exactly like that. And then I gave a metaphor. Yeah. And then you brought us right back to the real version. I'm trying to keep you on track.

You could have said, go back to the spider. No, I just wanted to get you back on track. I don't think I was far. Continue. It then sucked the life out of the thing. You could see the skeleton draining of fluid and parts into the mouth of the spider. I watched this for, I don't know, half an hour.

What? Damn. I fed a wild spider a cricket. That's kind of twisted. It's God-like. Yeah, if God was vengeful like that. God has a sense of humor. God has a mean, nasty streak, just planting genocides all over the world like he does. But that's like if you took a fucking lead a cow to a slaughterhouse.

That's pretty high up on the food chain. I thought I was low enough on the food chain that I wasn't interfering too much. Yeah, it's kind of like when you like blow up ants with a magnifying glass. Or when you throw a caterpillar into a spider web. Not quite. And by caterpillar I mean cricket. Yeah, that's why you lost me.

Remember when we were talking about that? Yeah. I get what you did. No, I'm trying to get you back on track. Because you said something and it made no sense. It made sense. Made damn good sense. That's a twisted move to not be scared enough or like I'd be scared. I would get the heebie-jeebies just from touching the fucking cricket. Like I'm not grabbing a cricket at that young age.

You close your fist, but you keep it in there and it bounces around. Yeah, I don't know, I'd be scared. I don't know why, I mean, I'm still skeeved out a little bit by bugs and shit like that, but now I'm the fucking man of the house, I gotta kill him. Yeah. Yeah, it's on you.

When we were in Wyoming, we went fishing at this one spot that was in a meadow. It was like a creek that ran through a meadow it was like a meadow and I didn't say anything you were going to I could tell and and There was like all these grasshoppers around and you'd just be walking You just be grasshoppers all over you But then when you would walk the grasshoppers would jump you'd just be walking, you'd just be grasshoppers all over you.

But then when you would walk, the grasshoppers would jump into the water and then the trout would go crazy. That's cool. It was really cool. I've told you before, Hemingway's Big Two-Hearted River, the Nick Joan, no, the Nick. Jonas.

Something, stories, the Nick whatever, stories. Owen, could you help me with that? I'm sorry. The protagonist of Big Two-Hearted River, which is Hemingway's short story collection. That is a short story within the collection. Nick what? Jones.

Nick Jonas. Nick Adams, maybe? It might be Nick. Nick Adams, yes. Is it? I don't know. I was trying to affirm. There is a passage that you would love, Sass.

Yeah. It is Nick Adams. It is, I knew it. Look at us. Where he talks about, he did exactly what you did. He lifted a log to see what type of bugs were there. Yeah, matching the hatch. And then he caught a one and he put it on his rod

and he put the hook through it. And he, I still remember this, Hemingway wrote that the bug spit vinegar when he put the hook through it. Oh fuck. You know, it's not literally just juices and guts. He's's angry spitting it out. I never forgot the imagery of that. Yeah, I'm reading Hemingway right now I'm reading for whom the belt holes is it uh is it satisfying it's so Great really it's so great who does that who does the belt hole for?

Well, I don't know actually what a Metallica song. Yeah, that's what that's what Hemingway got it from. You don't see whom in many titles now, except for Metallica and Hemingway. What's so great about that book is are the weirdly the sex scenes are actually incredible. Do you get horny from them? I get. Yeah, I get a little bit horny but also... Imagine just getting hard from reading. Brendan! Hey Jones? What's up brother? Do you need me? Okay I'll find you right after. We're talking Hemingway.

We're seeing if he's getting, if he gets boners from reading. Yeah, he does. Whoa. Guilty as charged. He gets a lot of boners. All right, B Jones. He said Ernest after we said we're talking Hemingway. Is there another Hemingway that we would be talking about? Yeah. No, not Ernest, different guy, different author.

Yeah, it is nice to get boned up from reading. I definitely, there was a time when you get a signed reading in like seventh, eighth grade. I don't know, I'm not sure, maybe it was high school and there was starting to be some like sexual, there's a little sexual nature to it. Right. And I'd be reading in the basement's a little sexual nature to it. And I'd be reading in the basement and I'd treat myself to one. Yeah.

Yeah. Were you going book, self? I probably would like set it down. That's crazy. Wow, you were side reading. I got boned up reading some Bukowski. What's he talking about? He's always talking about fucking.

Yeah. That, Sass loves this author. I've actually never read him. Really? No. Oh, he's great. You ever treat yourself to one? He's kind of a bad person, but he's good.

Cause he boozed a lot or what? Hey, he was like a pretty big womanizer. Oh wow, what a fucking scumbag. Wow, shame, shame. Oh, there's like interviews of him like beating up women and stuff. Oh, that's different than womanizing. Oh, is it?

Uh. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I know you're talking to a monogamous married man, so I wouldn't like to do that anyway. I wouldn't know a damn thing about that. About beating women? Is that how it goes once you get married, you stop beating? It's one of the vows you take.

Sweetheart, put some cover up on that black eye you have. I don't want people thinking I'm out there womanizing. Yeah, it's the same thing. It's tantamount to the same thing. I just got a book. I got a book coming today from Amazon. Which one? Do It Yourself Bone Fishing.

Jesus Christ. When will you end this fucking phase? I don't think it's going to end and I think I'm honestly I'm thinking about retiring from the podcasting comedy world and pursuing fly fishing full time. Imagine if we just watch you on like ESPN2 at like 10 o'clock on a Saturday morning. It would be so nice. Bass Master Championships. We'll see. You'll never be as good as those dudes. That's like Hank thinking that he could dunk. Yeah, probably not.

Those guys fish their entire lives. Yeah. From like age five. Yeah. Every day. That's like Caleb thinking that he could break or like get on the PGA. Oh yeah, yeah. It's just not happening.

Who was it that tweeted? Was it Wilson on the Jets tweeted that golf is harder than football. Did he say that? No, no It was wasn't it was it sauce gardener. Wait, did you see what sauce gardener also said he was like he quote tweeted Aiden Ross and was like if you're tweeting about Like if you're homophobic that actually means you're gay. Yeah, I did see that. That's a whole layer. He's not, he's not right, but he's not wrong either. Yeah.

He's not. I think Sauce Gardner is a pretty big gamer. And he might be base too. Yeah. He might've also said Jews run the media. Yeah, he might've. Sauce? Yeah.

Whoa. So he's like pro. Is Sauce on the Jets or the Eagles? Jets. Jets. Wish he was on the birds,. Is sauce on the Jets or the Eagles? Jets. Jets. Jets. Where's shoes on the bird, bro? Who's the good corner on the Eagles? Slay.

Slay. Darius. Yeah. Yes. But he gets mad whenever reporters call him, is that an envelope of cash? Mm-hmm. Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Bonsoir. That's a good idea. I gotta start walking around with a stack like that. How much is in there? I own a lot. How much? 3500. Damn. For what? A moving expense.

Damn. You got to pay in cash? Sure do. He said, I said, how do you like to be paid? And he goes, well, I always love cash. And that was the end of that conversation. That's surprising. I don't know why people would want to get, cash is like, I don't really get paid in like online. Yeah, because he's running a business

and he's not going to claim that cash. Oh yeah, that's true. Isn't it weird that, you know, it's known of course that businesses will accept cash and not declare it. And yet. That is facilitated by people taking out huge sums of cash, which the IRS is not flagging the fact that I just withdrew three thousand five hundred dollars of cash. Where did you withdraw it from? The bank went to the bank. Where the fuck else would he withdraw it from?

They got like money. They got like money stores They do what do you mean? You can go to places and just like get a shit ton of cash I'm talking about casinos. No, like I saw like there's like like the pawn shops and stuff like that For a good you could know you could go and be like I need to cat I need I need 10 grand and then just write you a check. You're talking about loan sharks? You're talking about loans. It's like a, it's like a,

cause sometimes if you want to get a ton of cash, you have to like, the bank has to like order it. What are you talking about? Check, check the cash places. Like if I went to the bank and I was like, give me everything I have in cash. They don't just have that on hand. Yeah, they do.

They don't have $5,000 laying around like that. You just, you just. Good riff't have $5,000 laying around like that. You just lie until you laugh and then you let yourself off the hook. That's the whole point of the podcast. The old money store. The joke there was that I have only $5,000. Did you miss that? Well, it wasn't funny. No, it was really funny.

And then I let you keep going. Because it sounded like I was going to say a large, large sum of money that they don't have on hand. I just, I don't think there was enough firepower. That was a good joke. We're going to clip that out. You built it all up to the joke. The money store part was just a setup to the joke.

No, I genuinely, when I was in Wyoming, I did see a money. It was like, need cash? And it was just like a store where you could just go in and get cash. You obviously have to pay for the cash. I guess that they're giving loans and you're putting interest on it? I'd assume it's like you write them a check

and then they give you that amount of money in cash. OK. It's like a shady ATM. and then they give you that amount of money in cash. Okay. It's like a shady ATM. What's the max amount of money you could go right now and get from the bank? Because you couldn't, if you had like $10 million in your bank account, you can't just walk in to fucking Chase Bank and be like,

I need $10 million cash. No, I think that, I mean, I don't know what a bank limit would be for cash, but if I called my bank ahead of time and let them know I wanted to make a huge withdrawal, I could go to a bank. Are you even allowed to do that, though? Are you allowed to just go take out $10 million? That's sort of the point I'm making here,

is that it's surprising to me that the IRS doesn't keep more of an eye on people who take out huge sums of money and be like, what the fuck did you do with $3,500 of cash? I could be going to a casino, I could be paying a friend, I could be doing anything, but there's no way to check that. Yeah, and there's a lot of businesses that only do cash. But I also, I mean, to your point,

like if everybody took out their money from the banks simultaneously All the banks would collapse. Well, I don't even think they would have the money to do that Like no like there's not enough money not even like cash on hand like they don't have like the actual liquidity anywhere Yeah, to they don't have enough money to like banks Borrowing against banks against yeah like that, we could collapse all of it. It's like if everybody jumped in the United States at once, we could make a tidal wave that would engulf China. Yeah, it's-

And win the trade war. It's kind of like, like it's kind of like the GameStop stock thing. Like if we all just took out all of our money, we'd fuck all the banks. We're like, I mean, that's why Sam Banker Fried is going to jail for like 25 years because at FTX they were, not only did they not have the liquidity, but he was like using other people's money to like, he was using money that people deposited to do other shit.

It wasn't just sitting there. He was being a naughty boy. But you didn't come up with the, how did the bank start? Who was the first person to come up with the bank? Probably, I mean, ask yourself, brother. They were just like, we're gonna. That's biblical times. We'll just hold onto it for you.

You need a way for people to borrow money. Yeah. In order to build a society. Yeah. Because people need to start and, you know, they don't have the money, but they need to buy a home. And then there's a reason that the bank benefits by saying, okay, I'll give you whatever, a hundred gold doubloons today, build your home.

And then we see that you have good, that you've been plowing the fields well. And we trust that in a year, you will come back and you will give us 110 gold doubloons. I think that, I know who kicked it into high gear, the fucking Rothschilds. But launch that shit. Treat yourself to a little, maybe a book or podcast on them. Oo-wee.

Good wine, the Rothschilds. They got good wine? Lafitte. That's them? They do Lafitte Rothschild. I think they're maybe Mouton as well. They have like two of the five first growths from Bordeaux and they also I think do like Opus is,

I think Rothschild. I'm pretty sure. I think it is. Shut your non-drinking ass up. I think Rothschild actually does smack in zero too. They do athletic brewing, I'm pretty sure. The Rothschilds got a... Mayer Rothschild was the original Rothschild. And then he sent his five sons to the corners of Europe, one to each country to start banks

in each country. And it was probably the French ones that started all these good ass wines. Interesting. It had to be. Everyone's in fucking France right now in Spain. Is that right? Really? Who?

Everybody. I saw a TikTok about it. I don't know anybody in France or Spain. Really? Yeah. Well, you're fucking dumb then bro. I must be they said that this is the year of the quiet Quiet euro trip. Oh That's kind of nice. You know darkening just pop up and fucking you're yeah. That's cool. I dig that Yeah, I know you get where you when are you gonna start doing some shows in Europe? You got to do a fucking show in Europe. Yeah, I feel like that's are you gonna start doing some shows in Europe? You gotta do a fucking show in Europe

Yeah, I feel like that's soon for you. Where to London? I thought you could do London I guess I guess excluding what I just said about Europe, but outside of America. I think you could easily do London Australia Dublin, I don't know if I have that you definitely could that's kind But I think you go right to, you go to the Ireland, England, and then Australia. All those European countries. This is just another example of SAS's incredible, delusional humility where again,

you sell more tickets than I do, you should go. No, I don't, I genuinely don't sell more tickets than you. And also, I- Yes, you do. No, I don't. We go to the same venues and we talk about how we did and you do better. I did Detroit and I sold like a hundred tickets a show

and you sold like 700 a show. I was at a better venue for that. Yeah, exactly. Look at this guy. Ridiculous. Well, that's just a booking thing. Anyways, what I was saying is the, I've heard from like my agent and stuff

that Australia and England and all those places, even if you don't sell a lot of tickets, you can sell really well out there because they're just excited to see an American comedian. Why don't we go together? Let's all go together. I was kind of hoping to make that a solo thing for me.

Fine. No, I'm kidding, I would go. I would go to London with you. Yeah, I would definitely do that. That would be fun. I'm not missing that trip. We all go. Do a theater.

Absolutely. Do a big ass arena. Okay, all go do a theater Absolutely big-ass arena. Okay Yeah, let's do the o2 in the round let's do the Globe the globe let's do the globe. We should do the round in the o2 and only sell out like 4% of it and only sell out like 4% of it. Just like a tiny ass cone. Just get the world's biggest curtain, to silo off 90%. It's us in the round and only like 60% of the circle is filled.

One night only, strictly limited seating. It's just single file up to the top. We lost $140,000 performing at the O2 Arena. I'm a theater comic. Or I'm a fucking stadium comic. There's only 20 of us. Film it on really tight shots. Yeah.

Make it look full. The crowd shot is just one dude every time. Yell off into the distance, please, please be quiet. Yeah. There's an echo. We can hear you back there. That's like our West Virginia show that we did. Yeah. Yeah. We did a show at the Penn Casino and That's like our West Virginia show that we did. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. We did a show at the Penn Casino and it was like, they said it was a 200 person room. And we got there, it was maybe a 5,000 person room. They only had 200 chairs, but they could have fit quite a few more. It was the biggest room I've ever performed in. Quite a few more. And we had, we sold 70 tickets and it was, everyone was in the front row, cause it was a biggest room I've ever performed in. Quite a few more. And we had, we sold 70 tickets

and it was, everyone was in the front row because it was a huge room. It was like a theater. So everyone's, it was just 75 people all in one row and they still had the projectors on. So like, it was like us being projected. You know how like when you see someone like, you know they have the two walls

with the projector showing them? T-Pain. They still had that. But the people were so close to the stage, they couldn't even with the projector showing them. T-Pain. They still had that. Yeah. But the people were so close to the stage, they couldn't even see the projector. Yeah. Like it was behind them.

And every time you spoke, your voice would just smack the back of the wall and then come right back to you. It almost knocked you over. Speaking of T-Pain, did you see that great tweet he had, or the great post he had? No, what did he say?

He goes, baby girl, let me hawk to a. Damn, that's good. Wow, that's special. That's something there. You didn't like it? No. You don't have anything for that? That sucks.

I was like, what was he? He just went with the first thing that he could come up with? Um, I don't know. It made sense to me. Hock-to-a girl! No, the lyric is, let me talk to ya. Yeah. But he says it quickly, and it sounds sort of like Hock-to-a.

And then what, did the crowd go nuts? No, he didn't do it. It was, he wrote it. Oh. Oh. So someone else wrote it? T-Pain's funny. Put some fucking respect on T-Pain. Kevin Bonner wrote it. Austin wrote it. Yeah. It's so funny, dude, seeing people like go crazy over Antonio Brown's tweets. And it's like, do you guys actually think that Antonio Brown is sitting on Twitter all day writing these tweets? It's funny because it's probably

like a 20 year old white dude who's like being like cracker as a dick. Yeah. But like people are like, like he, I guess like Antonio Brown like defended sketch and they're like, it's so I saw a tweet that was like, it's so crazy that, uh, that like Antonio Brown's defending sketch and then like every other one of his tweets is something you'd only hear in like a modern warfare 2 cod lobby And it's like dude. He's not writing any of these are you sure?

Absolutely positive because why would Confirmed it on the account. Oh that is somebody else running it because like he'll get in the fights with people and he'll be like This all right, like I have somebody running my account, but I'll fucking whip your ass for real Yeah, huh does that mean that they're good tweets? No, they're just like incendiary They're not good tweets, but they're there's there tweets from someone who's clearly online all the time and Antonio Brown Obviously is not spending his entire day on Twitter. I see it's like if Tyler O'Day was like an edge Lord Yes, exactly or like Bailey Carlin was like an edge lord or something like that. Or like Bailey Carlin was like an edge lord.

I can't believe that Antonio Brown got away with that moment where he was in that resort pool. Oh yeah. And just his penis was floating on top of the water. In Dubai. I think it was because his dick was so big that no one could get mad. Well, you know, is there a level of brain damage where we just look the other way for that type of behavior? Well, I don't think he's getting opportunities

Like there's nothing to take from him, right? Like I think he made his football money and now he's just like tweeting online and like fucking Larsa Pippen or whatever the fuck He's doing like I don't think that he's like getting like brand deals with like milk or like fucking Kellogg or some shit like that. I think that he just is living on the edge of a brain damaged man. Yeah. I thought that being in Dubai that they would like fucking chop his penis off or some shit

like that for doing that. Yeah. But I guess that they reward misogyny. But even though they like walk around their like fountains out there and hold hands with each other and just dudes holding hands with each other and then like going home and... Oh yeah, for other they all hold hands. The bros just hold hands out there. Yeah. Julio has videos of the Taliban like... Holding hands. Walking and holding hands. Yeah. I'm like dude, I would not have filmed that.

No that's that that's still insane. Well they don't know that we're like calling them gay for doing that. Right. Like what we love each other. Yeah. We're brothers. Yeah. We're brothers who love each other. It's pretty nuts that Julio just went out and hung out with the Taliban for a week. I know. It was funny when he was like- I tried to talk him out of it. Taliban are like solid dudes, and then Chaps and Kate were like, they're actually not. Yeah. Yeah.

That caused a lot of controversy. They actually killed a lot of people, you know. Yeah. I mean, I don't know that that was exactly what Julio said in his blog. I don't think he was advocating for them. Yeah, I don't have a dog in the fight. No, I know.

No. And then he wrote, because I feel bad, because I was like, some guy had been taken captive by the Taliban or something like that? Yeah, but wasn't he just like posting up with them? Like hanging out?

Like he was holding hands with them. He was not holding, hanging out. Like a three way hand holding. He was being taken to dinner. For a better life. With no choice of saying no. Yeah. And they were like trying to.

What was it like no choice of saying no? Or it was like, guys, I don't know if I wanna eat tonight. Come on dude, you gotta come with us. No, he was eating pita at gunpoint. Yeah, he was scared. Yeah. And he was not trying to solicit interactions with the Taliban. He knew to keep his distance, but they're everywhere. Yeah, and when you're traveling around there, it's just like you just don't, you probably just try to have the conversations and they're probably radical and you probably just don't try to say that much as they're being radical. Yeah. Well, they were also just kind of

shocked and curious that a white American would be in their country. I'm following a dude who is on Instagram who's going from Egypt to Japan without taking any planes or whatever. And he's like 150 days into the journey. It's a very interesting account to follow. But he's been in similar situations where he just like, he'll wind up at dinner somewhere and they're fucking sitting cross-legged,

like drinking Pepsi out of a wine glass and just eating with their hand, eating rice with their hands. And he'll have these conversations and he'll be like, yeah, just try to shut the fuck up while they're saying crazy stuff. You just wind up in wild situations. If you're in someone else's country, you can't be like,

actually, it's a women's right to choose. Like, no. Yeah. You know, trying to, you know, you have the Johnny Appleseed of progress in fucking Afghanistan. Actually, there's fucking 53 genders. You guys don't fucking know, okay?

We gotta have Julio on the podcast. Yeah, let's do it. We talked about it a couple weeks ago. That'd be fun. I saw him at Hannah's party. Yeah, we should definitely have him on. That would be great. Also just, I need to get this out of weeks ago. That'd be fun. I saw him at Hannah's party. Yeah. We should definitely have him on. That would be great. Also just, I need to get this out of my brain.

When we were talking about Timon and Pumbaa, can I circle back to that for one second? Of course. Timon and Pumbaa. Don't look at me, look at Sass. He's the one that doesn't like us to trod over ground. I know, he likes a linear path through here, but I just want to take one loop that he looped back.

I just can't get it out of my head that when, in that song where Pumbaa's like, when I was a young warthog, when I was a young warthog, I needed someone to do that just to kind of finish it out. He found his aroma like a certain appeal. He could clear the savannah after every meal. And that's what I'm talking about. He could clear the Savannah after every meal. And I got downhearted. I was, I'm a sensitive soul. And I got downhearted every time that I. Pumba, not in front of the kids. And I, it took me maybe a decade of my life to realize that they were rhyming downhearted with. With farted. With farted, dude. Ah. This whole song is about how fucking Pumba is sensitive that he farts on the savanna.

Interesting, and here's why I'm surprised it took you that long. They accent that moment with a low note from what I think is a French horn. Mm, or tuba or something like that. Or tuba, yeah like that. Or tuba. Yeah, big tuba. And it is so close musically to the sound of a fart.

They're all pretty on the nose with it. My friends never stood downwind. He's literally, it's a whole song about, in a fucking Disney movie, about how this warthog farts and he feels bad about it. It's the most out of place song that's ever existed in a Disney movie. Why? Why, when has there ever been a song

about anything close to fart shame in a Disney movie? Well, I think it's supposed to be funny. Yeah, but even funny songs in other movies are not about fart shame. No, I'm with you on this one, Ronan, not with Sass. I think it is weird and inappropriate and not funny. I think it's funny and appropriate. It's like, I guess, childishly funny.

Yeah, well, it's a kid's movie. But it's like, there's nothing else in the movie that's like in that vein. It just like jumps to a fart joke and there's no other Disney movie that's like in that vein it just like jumps to a fart joke and there's no other Disney movie that does anything similar. There's no like piss pants jokes or fucking queef. I'm sure there is.

I'm sure there's no queef tunes but I'm sure but I'm sure there's definitely other songs in Disney or jokes about farting and pissing. Think of one. Go through every Disney movie. Dude, there's like a million Disney movies. I know. You don't think one of them has, you think Lion King is the only one with a fart joke?

Yes. That's crazy. Bring me to another one. A Toy Story, maybe, what's Toy Story? Toy Story has a bunch of children, toys, everything. Where's the fart joke in Toy Story? Where's the pee joke? Where's the genital joke?

There's definitely jokes where like someone farts and then someone like rolls their eyes and passes out. In Disney movies? Yeah. I don't know. I don't think you're right about that. I think you're thinking of maybe Looney Tunes or something like Pepe Le Pew. Like there's like sure the dudes who made Disney movies were horny as hell. They're putting penises in the clouds or whatever they were doing over at the Disney studios. But that's a different, they were trying to like sneakily indoctrinate kids into sexualization in a very Hollywood manner. They weren't making overt, but like subtle fart

jokes. Wait. Okay. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like they're. Yeah. That's that. I had to parse that out a Wait, okay, yeah. You know what I mean? Like they're- Yeah, that's that. I had to parse that out a little. I had to get what you were saying. Yeah, they were doing-

It was the first fart ever heard in a Disney film. First implies- First implies- And that's gotta be the French horn. Okay, what was the second fart? What was the second fart? I couldn't find the second. Exactly.

That's gotta be the tube of the French horn I was talking about, is the sound. So give me my credit test. You want to hear it? Yeah, pull it up. All righty, let's talk about ButcherBox. Get incredible deals on premium cuts from ButcherBox. Deals this good are hard to come by at the grocery store with ButcherBox. Easily find high quality meat and seafood you can trust. Get 100% grass-fed beef, free-range organic chicken, pork-raised, crate-free, and wild-caught seafood. You can get customized box plans delivered right to your doorstep with free shipping. ButcherBox is humanly raised, no antibiotics, no added hormones.

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That's Nathan Lane. There it was. Yeah, that was funny. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, keep going. That was all it was. Play it again. Go to the part. When it got copyrighted. That was 13 seconds. We went three seconds over, honestly. We wanted to hear the part where you sensed

the whole point of this conversation. What, you didn't hear the fart? That wasn't it, no, that part where they go and it got downhearted every time that I farted. Oh, I thought we just wanted to hear the fart. Well, there was a fart there There was a some kind of horn sound there was a fart fart. Yes, so I'm not talking about farting yet Yes, they were no, I'm a sense play it again. Play it again. We're not gonna get in trouble. We're commenting on it We're talking over it. We're not just playing it to fucking bop out like it's a Sabrina Carpenter song

If you think for one second that Sass wasn't playing We need to talk over it. Here we go. That's all you have? Yes, that's where the video ends. OK, fine. Touche. I can live with that. I can live with that.

So there is a fart. True. I think that it's important to realize that that that was just how weird that song is. I don't think it's weird at all. You know what I thought was weird? I think it's groundbreaking. That's like the George Carlin like shit piss joke. The five words you can't say? Yeah, they just broke this fucking industry standards. The five. You know you got arrested for performing that bit. Yeah.

Very similar to NWA. Right. Performing fuck the police. Fuck, fuck, fuck the police. Or uh, two live crew being like, hey, we want some pussy. Or didn't they perform that at like old hey, we want some boys. Hey. Or didn't they perform that at like old persons, like at a theater full of like old people in Miami

or something like that. I had no idea. And they were like shaking ass in like 1992 in front of like old ladies in wigs with blue hair. It's kind of cool. I wish that was still a thing. Like I wish I had jokes that I could get arrested for saying. Go to Russia, bro.

I don't have a single joke. Why would you want that? Cause it's probably pretty bad ass. Like George Carlin, like he knew that was going to be good for his career, getting arrested. Yeah. He was the original one to get canceled. Yeah.

I think that at any moment though, in those times, you don't know that the outcome will be good necessarily. Yeah. I guess if it's that big of a deal too, they're probably not. So being arrested is scary, and you're taking a gamble. Yeah.

Someone had to, to protect the arts. It is scary. Yeah. Just getting arrested for storm chasers was scary, a little bit. Exactly. We are probably- You laugh. Your ass isn't getting arrested for shit, bro.

You would fucking- Cause I see the video. You go belly up. Dude, anytime that you're getting arrested, Ron, or about to get arrested, it's usually you instigating the entire thing. It's scary. I saw the video of you guys getting kicked out of the fucking- wherever it was the last time you did Storm Chasers. And it's literally you, like, with your phone, like, in the cop's face, being like, this guy's trying to arrest us

He's gonna he's gonna try and bring us to jail All because we just want to have fun. It's cuz I'm a sovereign citizen, dude you have to have a reasonable articulable suspicion that I'm breaking a law and And you were just because they're being just because they're suspicious or just because they feel uncomfortable I'm not responsible for their feelings. Yeah, and they're not responsible for letting you guys storm the court, so they made you leave. You're on the fucking cop side. No, I'm not.

You would have been in fucking, with that little mustache, you would have been the dude with George Carlin's hands behind his back. I mean, like, you're the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. If you don't have, you're the right to an attorney.

If you don't have an attorney, one will be appointed to you. Do you have any jokes that'll get you arrested no no no what was just outlawed in or some shit just happened in Russia did they outlaw the being gay or the gay party or something that's been they've been that's something new happened with it though, that I'm trying to fucking scratch. Pussy Riot, they definitely got Pussy, but that was like fucking 10 years ago.

Alexei Navalny was killed. They have Pussy Riot. If you get any progozhin. That book's good. From Russia with Blood, I've read it. Or sorry, I've recommended it before. It's the sort of backstory behind Putin's assassination program of the oligarchs that took their money

and tried to run. They need to fucking update that book. I know. He can't stop killing people. I know. And what's crazy is that he would do it with really recklessly. I mean.

Helicopter crashes are reckless. That's a crazy way to kill someone. But he also spread like radioactive poison on a handrail or a park bench in England. Really? That was meant to kill someone who had defected or was a spy or something like that.

And it hurt someone else. It hurt a citizen. Really? Yeah. It must be a little bit exciting to be an assassin. Oh, yeah, I'm sure. Yeah. I'm sure it's a great job.

It's probably dangerous. It's probably like being a storm chaser, honestly. You barely work. You probably have great hours. You just get a locker with $10,000 and 18 different currencies and five passports you're working nights I gotta think the gear would be one of the coolest perks for that job Oh, yeah, because my whole life everything that I've I measure everything in the gear you want gear

I'm a gear guy to your gear. I'm a big gear guy. No But I am I'm a huge gear guy. I'm constantly thinking gear Yeah, imagine like if you were assassin the fly fishing stuff that you buy Like the or the store for assassins. Yeah, yeah, it's like yeah There was like a spy store right near here a couple years ago. One of the coolest days in my life was or right near here a couple years ago. One of the coolest days in my life was February 1st, my freshman year of college. So it was technically the day that our season started.

And we came into the locker room and everyone's lockers had a fucking Christmas array. A gearhounds wet dream. It was like three boxes of Nike shoes. Woo! Like two pairs of cleats and like some runners. And then, you know, two dry fit Harvard lacrosse shirts, two pairs of shorts, like a fucking laundry ring.

They would do all our laundry for us. New helmets. Damn. New jerseys. That's why I like hockey. Socks, lots of socks. Spoons? Yeah, we had plenty of spoons. That's why I liked hockey because Lots of socks. Spoons? Yeah, we had plenty of spoons. That's why I liked hockey,

because hockey you had so much gear. I could never do soccer, not enough gear. No, you're not wrong. Soccer's only cleats and chin pads. That's a fair point. Basketball's not a ton of gear, but it's nice gear though. It's nice gear. And you can also accessorize.

Like you have to be swaggy to accessorize. Yeah. I would go full sleeves. I'd go two shooting sleeves and then spandex pants as well. I think that's fair. In fact, I would probably get offensive tattoos just to cover that. To cover them up.

And also have for sun protection. Yeah, from those bright lights. I've started in golf, I've started wearing sleeves. Oh, for the sun protection. Cause it keeps you cooler than wearing a long sleeve shirt. Yeah. For the sun protection. Because it keeps you cooler than wearing a long-sleeved shirt. Yeah. Really? It's all my shirt. Yeah. I saw someone commented and said that because I was wearing a button-down fishing and someone said that like I wore my, I wore like my best, like my best clothes to go fishing. And I was like,

now it's the shirt for fishing. It's literally an L, it was an LL Bean button-down. That's not protective. Like you're dressed for church. Yeah. Yeah. I didn it was an LL Bean button down. That's not protective. Like you're dressed for church. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't just go to like Macy's and pick up a button down shirt. Like combing your hair over like it's picture day. Yeah, yeah.

Well, these fish are gonna love what they see. I'm still sad you didn't catch a cobia on the fly line cause you were so close. Yeah, I was close. You couldn't set the line. No, the fish wouldn't take the boat. No, you were jerking too hard when they would get close. Yeah, I was close. You couldn't set the line. No, the fish wouldn't take the, no, you were jerking too hard when they would get close. No. You got excited

and you pulled it and they said, oh, that's not what I thought it was. No, they were getting too close to the boat and then they would see the boat and they were spooked. That's not what I was talking to our guy about after. Our guy? Yeah. You don't know his name? Nope. Drake, bro.

He's, that's, he's Drake to you. That's embarrassing. You are a poet. That's not even who I was talking to. I was talking to MJ. You were never talking to MJ. I was up top because I talked to MJ and he was like, Francis is a fucking MJ and Drake, bro. You guys are having some goat talks. I know. Seriously. Do you guys see the I don't know if there's a picture or video of a dude just like caught a fish and was pouring barbecue sauce. Yeah, I did see that.

Yeah. I did see that. That was pretty crazy. So what is that, a bear is gonna catch this fish and spend the rest of their life chasing that? Like, that's so fucking, I mean, I guess, I guess fucked up. I'm sure, I'm sure it killed the fish. Why?

Because you can't just pour a whole entire bottle of Sweet Baby Ray's in a fish and have no health problems. That would fuck up a human. If someone took you and put a full bottle of Sweet Baby Ray's in your stomach you'd have like explosive diarrhea for like a month straight. I'd sleep like a baby. You're supposed to have like that much of that. I'd be suckling at the teat of the sweet baby ray. They just put it in its entire body.

It's crazy how a fish is just an empty cavity. Well largemouth bass are. Yeah, they're just a cavern. Yeah, so then how could it affect it that much? People take people will catch largemouth bass and just put another fish inside of them And throw them back What would that do? I think that's fine Yeah, what I think that's fine they fed it the fish yeah Did they digest it like a largemouth bass probably just after you throw it in with the sweet baby rays inside of it It's probably just swimming through with his mouth open the sweet baby rays inside of it, it's probably just swimming through with its mouth open. The sweet baby rays gets diluted inside of it.

Yeah, probably. It just suckles at the sweet baby rays for the rest of the place. The fish are kind of weird. They might have been able to digest the sweet baby rays fine. I doubt it, but it could have. I have kind of kicked hunger. How? I don't know.

What? Something about the heat. When I'm hungry, I'm able to say, I don't eat much food. Really? And I have really lowered my caloric intake. I need to do that. Over the last couple weeks. That ass.

And I feel incredibly lean. You look lean. I am lean. You both look lean, honestly. You are lean boys. Yeah, Sas looks lean. Sas, you look good. Lean boys. Yeah, I need to fucking, I need to get

into the nice caloric deficit. It's nice to be lean in the summer. I'm in a deficit, but it's, I get, I don't, I can't do that, I can't control my hunger. Like, I'll not, I'll eat once, and then I won't have to eat again for like the rest of the day, and then randomly at night, I'll get like

Unbearably hungry, but it's like not even like hunger. It's like nausea and Dizziness. Yeah, that's not fun. What about just drowning yourself in water or sweet baby Rays sweet heavy Rays could do it if I diluted it a little bit, but water doesn't really do that for me I know people say that like they're like, oh I drink a gallon of water a day and it suppresses my hunger and it's like, well, that sounds awful. Sounds miserable. What are you what are you boozing on in the summer months? I've switched to drinking just tequila on the rocks. That's all I drink. Very gay. Really? Yeah. Extremely. Tequila is a gay man's drink. Is it? Yeah. drink. Is it? Yeah. Oh. Big time. That's fine. That's probably why that gay dude came up to you at that party and was like, wow you look fucking hot. No I think it was because of what I was wearing. That's like the pineapple outside of the Swinger's house. The tequila is like the the Batman signal for gay dudes. Is it now? Yeah. Hmm. So let's switch to something a little darker. Maybe a bourbon. I don't want to

drink bourbon in the summer I like drinking whiskey in the winter and the fall. Yeah, I get that I drank I drank Manhattan's for like eight months this year. Surprised you're not just drinking vodka on the rocks Well, that's that's alcohol. Queer eye That's weird. That's weird. I think that a Mezcal on the rocks. Oh Amazing. Oh I think that mezcal on the rocks is amazing. Really? Good mezcal?

Any mezcal. I mean, I haven't cracked your lovely house gift that you got for me. Oh, you have? Well, I mean, that's after dinner drink. I'm excited to try it. Dude, I remember going to, we were in Minneapolis and I was a big Moscow mule guy

Mm-hmm, and we went to some bar at the we went to the bar at the hotel we were filming neighborhood eats or something and and They I was like you guys have any Moscow mules and they're like, no, we have a mezcal mule. That's nice It was the worst thing I've ever had. I took maybe a quarter of a sip of it. I couldn't drink anymore I'm sorry to hear you. I'm not a mess. I don't like mezcal. Yeah. I took maybe a quarter of a sip of it. I couldn't drink anymore. Sorry to hear that. Some people just don't like Mezcal.

Yeah, I'm not a Mezcal guy. I don't like subbing Mezcal into cocktails that I'm accustomed to, which has become a major thing. Think of Mezcal and Negroni. Yeah, I can't drink a Mezcal and Negroni. Ooh, I love it. I don't like them. I want my gin Negroni.

I want my gin in my Negroni. I just love the smoke. I never liked Negronis either. That's an acquired taste. Yeah. You're not old. I was never a hard alcohol person. I remember.

We went play pool and you just didn't want any copper spaniels. When we were in Minnesota, do you remember what fish that they were serving at that lodge-like restaurant? Their fish special as a fisherman? Cod? No. Bass? No. Trout? Nope. like restaurant their fish special as a fisherman cod no bass no trout no walleye walleye walleye and ghillie it was nice to have some walleye and ghillie breaded walleye

it was nice crust to it I don't remember much from that trip I remember the day that we got in I was still taking at a van to fly And I remember I took an at a van and then the flight was like 30 minutes to Minneapolis And then we went straight to a bar cuz like Rob was already there And we got beers at the bar and I had like half a beer and I was like wasted out of my mind I just go up and go to bed. Yeah. And it wasn't like fun wasted. It was like that. It was like it was like uncomfortable.

The fuck was that? I don't know. I'm getting sick. Swallow a bug. Swallowed a bug. I think I'm getting sick. But are you really? Yeah.

Oh, my God, dude, there's been a nasty sickness going around. COVID. COVID. But no, mine wasn't COVID. I's called COVID. Mine wasn't COVID. I tested for COVID when I was, but I was like as sick as I've ever been. I'll be fine. I'm a warrior. Damn.

You think that? I am. I don't take sick days unless I'm really sick. Yeah, same. Puking or bleeding. Same. I don't believe you. That's true.

I literally, I might've missed one day of school my entire life. You drop spots because you're not feeling that well or you, all the time. Is that not what you're talking about? Please. Wow. That's diarrhea.

He just pierced your argument. Diarrhea, I guess, is also a big one for me. And that's also a sickness. Yeah, but it's not really. The reason that I'll- But then you tell them you The reason that I don't drop spots all the time. All the time. No, I text Joe. Because Joe also has diarrhea and I go, I got bad diarrhea and he goes, understood. Yeah. And it's not all, I haven't dropped a spot in like three months. Okay. You need a diarrhea brother. You need someone that can fucking deal with you. Just saying. Just saying.

Yeah, well, because the diarrhea, it's because you go to the club and then you gotta take a shit in that single bathroom, and then by the time that your pants are down, there's already two people in line. That's tough. Banging on the door. Yeah, that's tough. So is someone in there? Well, it's a one-person bathroom and it's locked. So probably, yeah.

And it's always a group of Asian women. No, it's always a group of- It's always a group of Asian women. it's always a group of Asian women. No, it's always a group of 30 girls. And I can't tell if anyone's in there just banging on the door. I didn't tell you guys this, but I was on a flight, it must have been when we were coming back from,

where was I recently? Oh, when I was coming back from Wisconsin and landed, we got diverted to JFK. We were supposed to go to LaGuardia, but the flight was super delayed, so they put us on a flight to JFK instead. So immediately, sucks. And we landed JFK and we're sitting on the tarmac

and they tell us that the gate is occupied, so we have to sit for 20 minutes. So we're sitting there 20 minutes. I still don't understand how that ever happens. I know. I think it's because there's not enough employees. It's just like the lays pile up and then the thing needs to deplane.

Anyway, we're sitting on the tarmac and a guy, we're sitting there, and a guy gets up and goes to the bathroom. And he's in the bathroom. And then the captain comes on the intercom and says, okay, we're ready to go, but we cannot start moving again until everyone has taken their seat. Please return to your seat. Nothing.

Guy stays in the bathroom. He's been in the bathroom for seven minutes. And the whole plane knows that we are not moving because one guy got up and went in the bathroom. Is that my worst nightmare? And so we sit for whatever, another two minutes. People are starting to get antsy because we're within sight of the fucking gate

and we're landed and we've been on the plane. There've been delays. So one of the fucking gate and we're landed and we've been on the plane, there've been delays. So one of the flight attendants, then the pilot comes on again, or actually now it's one of the flight attendants, a guy, and he's like, you know, again, we can't start moving until everyone takes their seat.

Nothing, two more minutes go by. Because you can't just be like, hey, guy in the bathroom, finish your shit. No, you kind of can. Well, then finally the flight attendant, the guy, gets up and he goes to the bathroom. He knocks on the door, no response. I'm sitting in like the second row, so I'm close.

And the guy, he knows his name. He goes, Thatcher? Thatcher? Thatcher? Are you okay in there? Thatcher. I feel so bad for this dude. He goes, thatcher, are you okay in there?

Gentle, gentle knock harder knock. And then finally now, now I'm like, is that dude dead? Yeah. Cause you can open up the thing and they use the thing, they use the thing to open it from that way. And the flight attendant goes, I'm coming in, Thatcher. And he opens the door. And I could immediately see Thatcher was just standing, looking at himself in the mirror

and he had his earpods in. So I guess he couldn't hear any of these announcements. Maybe he was listening to music, but he was like grooming himself. Oh no. He'd been done going to the bathroom for a long time and he sees him come in and then Thatcher's like, Oh, and he immediately goes and sits in his seat. And what I, it was clear that Thatcher didn't know how long we had waited for him because he didn't hear the long we had waited for him. Yeah.

Because he didn't hear the first or the second or the third. But the fact that someone's coming into the bathroom has to be like a fucking... For all he knew, that was like the first time that he had been asked to sit down. And so when he sat down, and by the way, he was in first class, so he was like right across the aisle from me. Did he look like a Thatcher? He looked like a fucking cunt. So he looked like a thatcher? Yeah, just a dick and I didn't like him and I'm sitting by the way the guy sitting next to me he and I are starting to be like this

fucking guy yeah who the fuck's this guy and we're all like shifting around, looking. And I said to the guy to my left, I go, I'm gonna tell him, I'm gonna tell Thatcher what he did. This is insane. I think he needs to know. No, I don't think he does. Why not? Because you're gonna get off the plane

and you're never gonna see Thatcher again. But he should know why So that he won't do it to the next plane of people. But he didn't know it was a mistake That's like the noble way to think of it that is oh, I don't want it to happen to the next group of people It's more you want him to feel bad. I did because he fucking he made you feel bad I did want to I did want him to feel bad. I totally get that I feel bad for Thatcher and want to know bad. I totally get that. He held us. I feel bad for Thatcher.

And want to know why this is so much worse even? Because then once Thatcher sat down, we started moving again and then we stopped again and something else delayed us. Someone else probably took your gate. I can't say that. That wouldn't even make sense to me, but it felt that way. It felt like we had now missed our window because of Thatcher. Definitely.

And that is when I said I have to tell him. I have to tell him, I have to scold him for the error of his ways. Yeah. And I thought I'm gonna wait till we get off the plane. I'm gonna wait till we're walking up the gangplank or the fucking whatever, the skyway. It's the worst place to do it.

I would do it while you're on the plane and then you just take off. If he, what's he gonna do? I would do it while you're on the plane and then you take off if he what's he gonna Do I don't know you're telling him that and then you have like a 45 minute walk to baggage claim at JFK I can I can walk quickly. You've seen me walk in an airport. I'll take the stairs on the escalator and we're never I mean judging By that room assume he's pretty in shape. Mmm. He was pudgy pudgy large. Yeah. Yeah large pudgy and I was rehearsing what I was gonna say to him. And I wanted to say, hey, just so you know,

you were summoned to sit down four times by the captain and we all had to wait because of you. What would he have said? Do you think he would have said sorry? No. And I think it would have been like, oh, that sucks. Really? Yeah.

Then that makes me even more angry. What'd he say? I didn't say anything to him. I think that he would have been like, wait, Francis, I love you little boy. And then I would have felt really bad. But I didn't say anything. I saw him walking up and then I had the immediate thought

that you did, which is I'm never gonna see this person again. I'm gonna let it go. Once you get gonna let it go once you get off the plane once you're on the plane You are in an incubator just simmering like a gumbo with fucking Furiousness it's like being in traffic. Yeah, just like oh my god I'm gonna fucking kill this person you feel everything so much more and then you start moving a little bit. You're like, oh Yeah, guardi. Gardini told me a story where he was, yeah, where he was shitting. He had to take it. He had diarrhea on the plane and he was sitting, I think he was in first class

and he was in there for like 30 minutes and they were banging on the door in the bathroom. Yeah. And he said that he got off and he sat down in his seat and the flight attendant was like this, like sassy black lady and she made direct eye contact with him pulled out perfume from her and sprayed it down like sassy black ladies never get tired like she was not shit up a fucking throw the first perfume puff. Damn, that's so nasty. Dates? Cleveland. Cleveland. Polarities. August 16th weekend, that's me and Sass. I'll just say our dates again. We are also gonna be in Kansas City, Rochester, that's in October, both of those dates, and then where we will be in Kansas City, Rochester. That's in October, both of those states.

And then we will be in Grand Rapids, Michigan in December. Do we have one more? Are we going somewhere else? No. Okay. You can get tickets to that at littlesasquatchwebsite.com or punch up Francis Ellis. It's in my Instagram bio.

Pop Punk is coming to Columbus August 2nd, Nashville August 3rd, Philadelphia August 31st, and DC August 30th. Come to those dates. And if you live in the United Kingdom or Australia, shoot us a message and just let us know if you'd come out, if there's a reason for us to come all the way over there. We gotta at least go to England. We gotta at least go to the UK. That'd be fun.

We should wait till soccer season starts though so we can go to a game. That'd be really fun. That'd be sick. All right. All right. We'll see you guys on Thursday. Toodle-oo.