Son of a Boy Dad - HICCUPS | Son of a Boy Dad: Ep. #125

Episode Date: July 25, 2023

HICCUPS | Son of a Boy Dad: Ep. #125 -- This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Go to https://betterhelp.com/SON for 10% off your first month. -- Download the Gametime app or go to the website, enter your email, and redeem code BOYDAD for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply) -- Go to https://HelloFresh.com/son50 and and use code son50 for 50% off plus free shipping! -- Follow us on our socials: https://linktr.ee/sonofaboydad -- Merch: https://store.barstoolsports.com/collections/son-of-a-boy-dad -- SUBSCRIBE TO THE YOUTUBE #SonOfABoyDad #BarstoolSportsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, Son of a Boy Dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. All righty, welcome back to Son of a Boy Dad Podcast. Today it is Monday, July 24th. We are here. And Barstool is dead. Barstool has gone dead.

Lucky for you guys, if you like this episode, make sure you can check us out. We're going to be on the Yacht every day for the next month. Just me and Roan. So this is kind of just like a side quest at this point that we're doing for some reason that is we were i mean i was trying to be a good soldier when i was like i will pick up the flag and i will carry it i will walk forward well the people that are like gonna miss us on the act they're gonna get a whole lot of us for the next month before we're off the oh yeah they'll be tired of us by the time to switch over and listen to us on our true platform it's just me you kb

nick and then kb nick go out of town i'm so thursday friday it's just us i don't know whatever us and jay so it'll be sick it'll be fucking sick over there uh i'm excited for it me too you have to be super excited for it i'm just excited for the future and what it holds yeah i heard that you're gonna be uh the assistant to the assistant gm of comedy because all your connections yep so that'll be cool yeah there's gonna be a lot of great comedians in the office like roan fights tommy oh god you're you're chronically disrespected and i fucking love it no i don't give a fuck. Yeah, of course not.

Will you make so much other money doing stand-up? No. Yeah, we got to keep that under wraps. Did you hear the bass on it? No, my wall is thin as hell now. My wall went from going from thick to thin. Look how thin is this. Ew. I know.

Looks like it got gastric bypass. I dropped it because I fell into the water with it. I had to take everything out. It was this? Ew. I know. Looks like it got gastric bypass. It's the reason I dropped it in because I fell into the water with it. I had to take everything out. It was destroyed. Ew. Why is it so saggy? I'll say, dude, it was soaked in fucking E. coli mud. Apparently that river that I was fishing in, it was like closed like every day the week

before I went because there was like an E. coli outbreak in the water. Catching three-eyed fish. Yeah. It's probably why I caught that dumbass fish two times over the course of one minute. Because even by fish standards, that's retarded. Yeah. Dude, I literally- Even by things that are judged by their 10-second memory, this one was particularly stupid.

Dude, I literally, I was sending the picture to my buddy Bo of the fish I caught while the line was in the water and I hooked the same fish again. I might have died the second time around. That was physician-assisted suicide. Yeah, it was. Fish-ious. The hook really did a number

on its mouth the second time around. It bends the hook backwards. Yeah. You're shitty, stupid. I don't even fish myself, though. It was fun. It was a good time.

I just watched videos on tiktok of black dudes fishing in their own neighborhood oh yeah and then the their neighbors call the cops on them and they have to explain it every time yeah great way to go viral obviously they can't stop going viral and their neighbors can't stop calling the cops on them no you know what i did that i was dumb i got i got a fishing license for georgia for like like a day pass i definitely did not need that because they say like if you get caught like you get a huge fine if you don't have it was 10 bucks but i was like dude there was no one it was probably not a police officer within a hundred mile radius i want the game warden to come out did you update your linkedin oh yeah licensed fisherman georgia yeah for one day yeah i didn't want to get that

10 bucks was worth it yeah 350 is only like a tenth of what you carry around in your wallet normally no yes it's okay it's okay atlanta was awesome though it was great great great great shows all the shows were awesome yeah you're just an accomplished comedian at this point i think that i mean it was good to have a good weekend because i've had some like huntsville and ontario were pretty rough and it was good to get back in a city yeah you can't really tell which one's a stinker until a little bit after the fact yeah you need the hindsight of being able to admit to yourself that you actually can bounce back yeah it was fun i thought i thought it was over for me i won't lie i was I was like, yeah, this is it now.

Well, whoever's booking you to play. They got to call out on the email list. Like, free show tonight in Ontario. We'll pay you to come if you bring 60 of your best friends. To party. We're giving away money. That's literally what it was. Our Uber driver on the way back from Huntsville said,

he was like, oh, I got the call. They called me, asked if I wanted to come. How does that work? If you've ever gone to a show, you're on the email list. You're probably on the email list from Huntsville said he was like oh I got the call they called me asked if I wanted to come how does that work if you're on the if you've ever gone to a show you're on the email list like you're probably on the email list for the stand yeah and then they email you out and they're like free show tonight it's called they paper the room if you don't sell enough tickets to like have a show I saw you at the stand the other night and my buddy who uh i went to high school with was he like misunderstood how successful no he just didn't he didn't it wasn't that you should go up you should give it a try yeah hey buddy there's there there's a little bit of a break between the shows they say they need somebody

yeah there was like uh one of the shows upstairs they like didn't have they're like a comedian wasn't there and he like ran up to me he's like they're looking for someone to go up dude you gotta get up there and i was like yeah i don't know if that's how that works and he he meant so well and he's so successful that wildly successful yeah what does he do he's like a he's high up on south park he's a cfo of south park yeah company we were talking does not carry himself like that at all he's so humble yeah so cool he was our class president yeah he won over mike i know you told me because mike was like hanging from the fucking basketball rim yeah right upside down with his legs crossed they caught him on camera and they're like hey you're not president yeah it's actually not gonna work out but i was talking to this dude

he said when he was in colorado he was like they were doing something with casa bonita they're making a casa bonita documentary because uh south park obviously made casa bonita very famous yeah it's like oh damn like have you ever been to like a casa bonita he's like i own casa bonita yeah that's i'm the owner of casa bonita the restaurant chain that's crazy what you own a restaurant chain nothing like somebody who came from the exact same place as you being way more successful than you to yeah he's got to be like worth like what like 50 million dollars i it's hard for me to not pocket watch him yeah because they're bulging so fucking furiously i'm a huge pocket watcher i didn't realize that there was like shame to that until recently i know you're always instead of uh pocket watching like poor people i want to know how rich the rich are

you know what i mean i have no two beers and i'll ask anyone how much money they have actively in their backing in their bank account and you're a bad vacation shamer oh yeah you learned that from your uncle big cat you enjoyed yourself for 10 minutes what the fuck is that about pussy no i enjoyed myself i i had a this was i board line was on vacation this weekend it was great yeah all the times you travel for your like luxury side job that that you have it's i definitely wouldn't call it a luxury job you're sitting in a fucking a room smaller than this studio actually like a quarter of the size of this studio with like cement walls just waiting to get one they're like like, hey, do you want a grilled cheese?

You're like, that would be good. Hey, we can fry anything for you. Yeah. We have some oil-based oil that we can drop into oil. When you're waiting for the show to start so that no one's waiting in line

for the bathroom so you can go have explosive diarrhea before you go up. You are literally the same as a cow that's just bred its entire life to be slaughtered at the age of six months you know what was weird i didn't drink at all this weekend and the entire time i would be like oh shit i'm

gonna take a shit before i go up and then i would go to the bathroom i'd be like i actually i don't have to take a shit and then i was like oh it's because i'm not drinking like 15 beers a night i think it's also a biological reaction that when you're nervous your body wants everything inside of you to get the hell out yeah that's definitely a thing your body wants you to shit out the nervousness out of your asshole it's weird because it's like not even like a like i don't get like like i would i wouldn't say i get like i don't get like nervous nervous anymore to go up like i get like i like i start like thinking about my set and like what i'm gonna do and stuff like that but i'm not like like i don't know but i still have to shit like i still i still have the urge to like explosively shit before each

oh yeah really why and it's like right before it starts bodily yeah it would just like dude every time i go to the stand i don't have to shit all day and as soon as i walk in the door i go right to the bathroom and shit i had nerves when you were going through your act compartmentalizing it how do you see it in your mind i don't i write it down and then i look at the paper and i don't actually read anything on the paper i just stare at it when i would go through my when i would go i'm like this looks good this is gonna be a good one look cool now just like with a scroll in front of you like yeah you know what else you know what else happened at the, when I showed up to the fishing place, I got out of my car and I was,

I was like, I'm going to go walk down to the water and see like what the vibe is. Like if I can even fish here. And then I saw like a group of kids walk by with fishing rod and I was like, oh, okay, so I can fish here.

So I turned around, go back to my car, grab all my shit. And then I'm like, oh fuck. I'm like, I'm on my phone. Then I'm looking for my phone for like 30 minutes in the car like tearing apart the car and i'm like and the music

is still playing like connected to my phone and i'm like it has to be in the car right i'm like where the fuck is my phone so then i'm like i called my sister from the car and i was like hey i can't find my phone in the car i'm gonna turn the car off and and then can you call me so i can like hear it buzzing and then i do it can't hear anything and then i'm like and then i call my sister back and i'm talking to her and like all of a sudden like we're talking for like 10 minutes i'm like i have no idea where my phone is so i'm gonna have to go buy a new phone and i'm like do you have my location and she's like you're talking to her on the phone on the phone you don't know where your phone i'm talking to her on like the on the car i know but you made a phone call to your sister yeah you can't and i'm like i don't know where my fuck

my phone is and then uh and then all of a sudden like she stops talking and i don't hear her and then some dude just comes up like holding my phone and he's like talking to my sister and he's like is this your phone and i'm like yeah i was like what the fuck just happened i must do i must have just been walking and just like put my phone on the ground you just left it on i must have just like blanked and just like dropped my phone out of my hands it's so crazy how our brain turns off at the time we need it most when we are putting down our keys or our phone dude it was literally gone like you could probably remember what your grade school smelled like yeah but you don't know where your your keys are like the thing that's most germane to your existence and it or your phone anytime you lose it but you can just access any other random ass shit

yeah it was very strange stupid ass fucking brain i know it was a very big like mind like i i don't i don't know how it got to wherever it was but it was gone the fish were probably that's probably why the fish kept on getting caught by you yeah he was getting caught while three other fish were running your pockets fish was taking it to the bank my sister said she was on the phone with me and then all of a sudden just some random dude's voice came over and he was like hello she thought it was taken yeah the guy comes on with the albanian accent my sister has no idea where i am she's like did someone lose their phone and she's like yeah my brother i don't know where he is she's like i don't even know what state you guys are in right now but i have a very specific set of skills if you take my brother i will find you

you're just screaming coordinates of a riverbank yeah yeah dragged underwater but it was a it was a it was a hell of a day it felt so much better than just laying in bed and just like waiting to go do the show getting out and doing something yeah i just like went home went back to the hotel showered and then went and did the shows i feel the same way i now like crave small tasks that i can do so i can have an excuse to not be in my phone so i'm not just stagnant oh you got sucked in i did get sucked in it's crazy you just get by it a little bit it has a gravitational pull on you did you hear uh matt mccusker saying to change your phone to like the gray scale yeah yeah did you try it no i tried it

for like three seconds and i was like this is fucking insane i get nothing from this yeah no i was more just like people are gonna be looking at me like i'm a fucking psychopath when i open my phone it's in black and white that's how i feel about people with blue light glasses i had blue light glasses in high school so i would get migraines from looking at my computer all day that's so crazy yeah i thought it looked sick too and then i saw a picture of myself and i just had like fucking like terminator glasses on like like normal ass glasses with like terminator lenses wra wrap around glasses you're like a basketball player in the 80s yeah like james worthy yeah i used to rock them constantly yeah i mean it's

probably good for our brains the same way that switching to the grade scale is but i also just can't pull myself to to do that last full measure no but if it's like i can either drive to montauk four hour drive or i can sit in the passenger seat and like scroll my phone the whole way i want to be driving oh yeah i want to be making decisions or like listening to something or freeing my mind so i'm not just on the constant loop of sucking stuff down driving is the best it is it's good for yeah it's good for your brain good for your synapses yeah you can fire a little bit better driving in a new city is scary though atlanta was for i was kind of freaking out for points because also it was like a monsoon when you just got a little bit of racism in you yeah yeah that's why big little i got a big little

part of me in this race but i dude i uh well after the after the last show on saturday i drove back to the hotel which is like a two minute drive and then I just sat in the car for like an hour and a half listening to music. And that's a manly thing to do. Yeah, it was fun. That is a manly ass thing to do. Just sit and wait in your car. And I was like, I should probably get up. I think that's like a it has to be a evolutionary thing for dudes because guys always are just sitting in their garage when they get home from work.

Yeah, they have to sigh one time. Finally face their fucking sticky ass kids when i used to get home from school i would just sit in my in the in the in the driveway before you have to access your entire family i mean you don't have a car just how was school terrible that was the worst did you learn anything today no that would my dad would get so mad when i would say no my dad would get in like weird moods or randomly he'd come from a home from work and be like so what'd you learn at school today and i'd be like nothing he was going through menopause yeah he

was going through the guy version of menopause where he gets hot flashes yeah angry that he doesn't have sex anymore you would pull that shit when i when we would go to church when i was younger too what did you what did they what were the readings about yeah what were the readings He doesn't have sex anymore. You would pull that shit when we would go to church when I was younger, too. What were the readings about? Yeah, what were the readings about? What did you learn from the readings? I have no idea. Yeah, it's the most boring shit of all time.

You're like, all right, we'll go back for the midnight mass then. Some 15-syllable ancient Israeli name. Yeah. Methuselah came down from the mount. Nobody's fucking paying attention to that even the priests are bored as fuck the bet we did you ever go to like did you guys have like a children's mass yeah and that one was always that was just target practice for the boys yeah that was like a scouting the combine that they had at penn state when all like the

top football prospects would come through sandusky would roll by looking over their glasses for for some supple characteristics on the youth i was watching david tell's crowd work or not crowd work road work special and uh he's a joke did i tell you about that the sandusky one no no it's so funny he's like uh have you ever seen david tell live you know he's like all like very like fast-paced and like upbeat yeah he has a bit and he's like he's in philly he's at philly helium and he's like uh so he says something about priests and he's like i give that joke three sanduskies and then he's like i get he's like let's get to it he's like i got a question he's like were the kids playing better and then he's like and then he's like uh and he's like i know he's like i know that

would put a little pep in my step if i knew the coach was gonna fuck me in the ass after the game in the shower and then he goes hey atel rub a dub dub dub and then he's like all right boys we gotta huddle up the idea that he's only fucking them after they lose is hilarious. Well, should have made that tackle. Yeah. And honestly, like they won two national championships in that span. They won in 82. They won in 86. And that was his heyday.

That's when he was licking his chops like an evil wolf just going to town. And to be honest, have you kept up with this stuff at Northwestern? Very, very. No, i briefly even heard about it well it's another big 10 school that was doing gay shit yeah and i mean is anyone surprised though the one guy hung out with like football players yeah those guys can't keep each other's hands off of each other yeah they're the gayest horse yeah what do you think the beer olympics were like oh like that yeah there was definitely a sandusky of the beer olympics yeah they were just like they were hoping that it was going to slip into sandusky yeah that they could just like that they would shut the cameras off at a certain hour everybody puts their phones in plastic bags

that's why they the comedians come through they're like you guys know the protocol suppressing the information but it was uh there was a guy at the northwestern thing that said that all it was only the big boys that were doing it it was like the gross fat players that were the ones that were doing it all and that's interesting yeah it happens in the aaron hernandez documentary right that dude that fucked aaron hernandez and he talks about how he was like fat and gross because he wanted to make himself seem as straight as possible. Oh, really? Yeah. He's just a gay slob.

Yeah. But they have also had my point being that Northwestern has had a bunch of like linemen get drafted over the last couple of years. Like their most successful players were Sean Slater was like a top five overall pick. They have another tackle coming up. They just had this like 280 pound like freak defensive line and then went really high on the draft like they've been cranking out fat dudes and it's probably off the back of a how tight-knit their team is and b they're tight-knit because they've been in the b-hole yeah they've been they've been playing playing nasty games with each other yeah just sliding up and down on each other and other teams have to be worried about this because

obviously they're not the only ones that are doing it they're just they're they're like obviously the coaches are seeing the results yeah yeah like there has to be other guys into the nfl nick saban's got to be just a genius hazer to have had success over like these last couple of years like he must be a savant predator yeah like he can unleash eating the ass he can yeah or he's got his star players lined up like the 12 reindeer just eating ass of the men in front of them just human sense of eating ass just like we got to get these boys in shape yeah teen unities through the roof what is it called shrek claps it says legend rituals involving naked human car wash and a punishment called the shrek claps the shrek claps that does not sound fun that had to be just i don't know if i would want to get the shrek claps the fastest strongest boy shrek claps okay yeah so they're

like that that's you man i thought you said laps they're clapping cheeks and it's definitely like they're slapping so that's like a fat dude thing for sure right yeah yeah fat dudes and like there were some guys who were just not okay with it so what happened what what yeah no shit what was the what was like the what were like the coaches how were the coaches involved in this i thought someone got fired yeah their head coach and i think that he was boys will be boysing it away yeah i think that's a time when it's important to have like karen moms and shit like that yeah because i might have had a bit of a karen mom but dude i would have been complaining to her day one like hey my coach is ass fucking me

like yeah can you say something yeah can you just stand up and have them not walk on my ass she'd walk on the field like fucking the blind side yeah like aaron brock who's the actress in the blind side sandra bullock like her car keys jingling you better stop fucking my son stop shrek clapping my boy my son will not be participating in any sort of shrek claps from here on out you hear me and he's gonna start He's gonna start and you're not gonna fuck him. But Mrs. Farron, we don't,

we wanna have sex with the boys. That's a mean bitch. She means business. Farron, Farron, I'll say, your mother, I did not expect that from her.

You might have some dog in you after all. Good bloodlines. Usually we just send the women upstairs yeah dude the fucking the coaches at football teams are always up to trouble that's what jerry sandusky's like her his wife was just like loudly cooking upstairs while he was going to town in the basement yeah he was like straight up like raping dudes right yeah yeah but like well boys but he would just like have them over to the house

and she would just like turn up the music she'd just like turn up the record player like hum to herself yeah like play with a rosary play with a rosary

the lord is my shepherd I shall not want hence they changed my life they changed my life. Penn State changed my life. Shrek hadn't even come out then. No. That's what the movie Shrek was about. Yeah.

Jerry Sandusky was the ogre in the woods. I don't even know what he looks like. I just know that you have like 7,000 tweets about Jerry Sandusky. I was like the first person who was like against it against it i have a feeling you were not the first person that was against it that's what he looks like i have a feeling the first dude that got fucked by him was the first dude i was against no because all those guys were like well i don't know i don't think you were against him before before i really think that i was penn state was such a brainwashed society that they were

they were the mindset. You guys still haven't recovered from that either. That's the first thing people think of when they think of Penn State. Yeah, 100%. It really is. Because it was covered up by the higher ups. But there were not even just the higher ups.

There were so many people within the Penn State community that wanted to sweep it under the rug or be like, Joe Paterno wasn't a bad guy. Yeah, they still... And I was vehemently saying, he is actually bad yeah and people were people were insinuating that i was like going against the brand yeah like you you don't you don't know did you ever think about like writing a writing a rap about it like that jack harlow song

is the way i could have sandusky are sandusky die for my coach you hear what happened not jerry you are jerry are jerry yeah jerry yeah he got arrested he's been fucking the whole football team all right jerry that we grew up playing lincoln logs with jerry his defense was real scary we told the story somehow it got buried ride for my coach ride for my coach saying Dusky the one who tried to touch me

went to the basement his wife smelled mustard ride for my dog when I was there bro they had the cardboard cutouts like life size of Joe Paterno. But they were all over campus.

And you would just walk past apartments and you would see the cutout at night. But it would just be like Joe Paterno's face in every window. They still think he's innocent as hell. They think he did nothing wrong. Why? Because they brought- What did he do? I don't even know what he did.

Because he just won a bunch of football games and they took him as Jesus Christ. Well, everybody in that area completely made their personality Penn State football. We care about Penn State football. Penn State football has won championships. Therefore, we are champions. And meanwhile, his top coach was having sex

with all the little boys. And they brought the exact evidence one of his assistant coaches saw it happening came to him and he was like yeah did nothing about it swept it under the rug like well he did all he could yeah it wasn't him doing it he did wrong he was wrong yeah he's a bad man he's a bad man for that. They're like, oh, he's sweet. He loves football. What would he even do? Call the police? I guess that would be the right option, right?

Yeah. Because I feel like if he reported it to someone. You should if you ever. Yeah, I know. But I feel like if he reported it to someone at Penn State. It's a good playbook. If they reported it to someone at Penn State, they would probably be like, yeah, we're not telling anyone about that. The DA also died in the area and they found his the DA disappeared and they would probably be like, yeah, we're not telling anyone about that. The DA also died in the area, and they found his... The DA disappeared, and they found his laptop

in the river. Oh, yeah. Sandusky. A hundred percent with some shit like that. That's crazy. How is there no Netflix documentary about this? Because they probably killed whoever was trying to make the documentary. There will be, for sure. No, there was something like Paterno

on HBO a couple years ago. It was when I was at school it was an hbo show that still kind of made him a hero i know who was it al pacino yeah yeah yeah it's al pacino because i was working my senior wasn't it dude i was paterno i was working at this clothing store like i think it came my senior year but like everyone was like oh let's go to the viewing party at the theater of the joe paterno like movie like no i'm good like you guys are gonna watch at the campus you're at camera they cheer for him no probably yeah it's crazy i mean the people there still fucking have but isn't there some shit going on with that with that human trafficking movie too where like that guy's made out to be a hero but

apparently he was like weird or some shit what's the human trafficking movie isn't it like sound of freedom sound of freedom there's some controversy around that it's fire uh no i don't think so yeah there's theories it was made by a child yeah by child trafficking yeah like the whole thing was like funded by like human trafficking which would be he like intentionally gets it wrong it's like when people have like say the wrong thing in a tiktok video so all the comments are like this is what it's actually like yeah this is how you're actually supposed to traffic the children it was under the coming of age genre the young adults if you like 10 things i hate about you you'll love sound of freedom damn dude i watched sinister last night have you seen sinister you haven't seen it no that's a

great movie it's a spooky one really fucking scary though i don't like to get scared there's a scene in it where like the where like ethan hawke is like the main character and he's like uh he plays like a writer he's writing a story about like this like these murders and it's like the first night that they moved into this new house and he's like walking around and he sees like a box in the hallway from like moving and then all of a sudden like some kid like opens up through the box and like turns his head back and starts like screaming like he's like possessed by the devil and it's his son and they're like oh my god he's having night terrors again. And they're like, I'll call the doctor in the morning. Dude, if that ever happened,

you wouldn't be like, oh, I think he needs to up his Zoloft prescription. His mouth opens a portal to another world. No, that's literally what happened. Let's get him on some Benz. And they're like, oh, he's having nightmares again. You have seen a drop off in the fucking devil in exorcisms since everybody started going on anti-d that's true yeah i know did they try that in the

exorcist oh antidepressants instead of exorcisms they should have tried that i'll get them on a prescription of fucking i can't even do exorcist movies i was on a long i've never seen any of the exorcisms exorcist movies there was a new one called the pope's exorcist movies i was on a long i've never seen any of the exorcisms exorcist movies there was a new one called the pope's exorcist that russell crowe was in and i started to watch it i was like bro this shit is fucking stupid as hell i wouldn't be saying that brother then i welcome a demon to the first scene of the of not at all you want to finish that sentence brother i welcome a demon into my body if he wants to exit if he wants to take control of me you don't even want to

i don't even have to cut that they will yeah yeah people will know yeah we do not want i i do not sandusky's demons coming for you tonight yeah i deny any demons that attempt to enter my body the first scene of this movie the exorcist brings a pig like the fattest nicest pig into the the roger the room it was this this girl that was at a drake concert with 32 double g's oh shit no he brings this uh this pig to uh this exorcist this possessed little boy's house and he's basically like hey demon if you're not a pussy you'll inhabit this pig instead of the boy yeah and the demon jumps over and they just shoot the fucking pig right away oh damn it's sick that that's how they used to do the exorcisms

i didn't realize it was just like that the pig just started squealing or whatever poor pig or pig yeah poor fucking is that how that works so i think i don't think if you kill the vessel of the demon it kills the demon the even probably just moves on in the vessel in the pope's exorcist it did not buying it no i'm buying it that's not how demons go down are you afraid of demons horrified of them i have no fear of a demon no i don't even you don't even want to play around about that kind of i'm not even like a tough guy or athletic but i put a demon in a headlock if you were i'm not even i'm not even athletic but demons don't scare me i can't even like fucking run a fast 40 time but i swear to god i'd slide tackle a demon dude when you live when you live alone you gotta fear demons i'm

more scared of cockroaches than demons. My thing about ghosts or demons, wouldn't they be in every square inch of everywhere by now? Just numbers-wise? Yeah, demons can figure it out amongst themselves. I think they're mostly in New Hampshire and Cape Cod. Okay. That sounds right. They're mostly where you are.

They don't really come to New York often, from what I've heard. They hate new houses. No, they love new houses. No, they love new houses. They hate blue cities. They like old houses that someone just moved into. Love new owners. My grandma's house was haunted as fuck. Yeah, because it was your grandma's house.

Yeah, it was super haunted. After she died. They're running out of grave sites. Wouldn't they be running out of spaces for ghosts? I feel like there should be a critical mass. They have to have like subsidized housing for the ghosts these days what is that like the what is that like a science thing like conservation of energy yeah right the energy is always the same and on earth it's a science thing

i mean energy doesn't die do you think the fuck yeah bro they're always here energy demons yeah it goes somewhere you would be a demon for sure i know that's why i have no fear of them yeah true they would probably fear you and then how does the personal ones work and like in the gym etc those are the ones you can see you have the hardness of demons those are a different realm i'm just saying i don't i'm not like i don't i'm not generally like i'm not like walking through my day-to-day life scared of ghosts and demons yes you are no i'm not you're so clearly visibly it's a very rare thought that i have but i definitely would never say the things that you just said because even if they are real i'm not taking the fucking chances if a demon came

around i would yeah you would shit your pants no i would i would literally slap the shit out of mr boogie dude you would not stand a chance against mr i would wet willy mr boogie how do you are you the youngest child in your family yes oh mr boogie you have a field day with you'll take the lord's name of vain but not casper no dude mr boogie is a demon is the demon from sinister and he goes after the youngest child in the family what does he do you don't want to know he's named after a snot i'm not afraid of a dude his name's not actually mr boogie it's like boogala or something like that oh it's we shouldn't even be talking about this right now honestly i have no fear of mr boogie yeah you should i mean actually no i guess you shouldn't because you wouldn't die you would just become one of his like slaves that's why i'm

not scared of zombies you'd be forced to kill your entire family i would join up but you wouldn't it wouldn't even be that bad because you wouldn't really know what's happening you'd be possessed by mr boogie yeah you'd be like the guys on the submarine yeah exactly you'd be used as a vessel but you would like you'd probably like next time you're on family vacation he'll probably take you over i don't think so yeah i think i might take over a demon so as a hat man survivor was offenheimer double triggering that's confusing is that everyone now is saying that the hat man survivor was offenheimer double triggering that's confusing is that everyone now is saying that the hat man is caused from like having too much benadryl but i've only taken benadryl like

twice and i did see it one of those times for two decades straight no but i took it but it was all in my adult life that i ever took benadryl i've macro does benadryl no yeah no hat no hat man you weren't taking enough if you take take enough, you will see him. But I saw him when I was a young'un, and I was on no medication. But people make ayahuasca seem so romantic. Yeah, aren't you doing ayahuasca? You and Francis? He told me that he wants to do it with me.

Yeah. He was like, I think I would benefit really well from it. We were just sitting around at the stand. And then he said, the person that I would want to do it with is you. And it just like zeroed in. I was like, damn, dude damn dude i've never considered and your wife said you could right yes you i literally was like i'd be more scared about like asking asking if i can do it if i can just go away to a tp for three straight days and like fuck around and sweat and throw up and shit yourself yeah isn't that like what happens isn't you're pretty much just

poisoning yourself with all the psychedelics right isn't that what it is like mushrooms you're poisoning yourself your body just releases something thinking that you're about to die and ayahuasca releases a heavier poison and then you're like dude it's like a song yeah it's like no dude you were hallucinating because you were about to die yeah your body was releasing a toxin like when you get the oxygen mass that dropped down from the plane. Yeah, yeah. You're just sedated into a point of thinking that everything is sweet. Yeah. Dude, you know what else I need to do is get taller.

I heard that people can get taller just by doing yoga. By stretching. I recall that I did that at one time in my life that I was like, I came back around. I bet that's not a thing. It happened to Kevin Durant this summer. 7'3". Look it up. I mean i mean dude if that was a thing then all short people would probably be doing that people that don't like being short

they can all touch their toes they can they're on their way to getting taller tall people can touch their toes i can touch my toes for shit i can probably touch my toes ow no you just uncross your legs in winston pain I could definitely touch my toes. One time I went home though, my boy Gavin was like, are you taking something? You look taller. Multiple people noticed that I was taller and that was at my yogiest of my life. How well do you know Gavin? Gavin was the class president at Penn State.

Do you see him a lot? All the time. Because usually that's like a grandparent thing to say you're like no i actually haven't gotten taller at all the exact same size i was you were shrinking yeah you're hurtling towards death yeah they're like you're still you're still growing that's crazy you're like no no you're you're unraveling back into the earth i think it's just a good conversation starter the earth is claiming you back saying you look tall always feels good to people especially people who are

have not gotten any taller oh you're looking tall you know it's a bad one my grandpa always is like you're looking big you've been strong i'm like nope haven't been to the gym in two years yeah or someone's fat now my uncle would be like hey you're getting taller and i'd be like thank you and he'd be like not a compliment damn is he. Is he short? He must be short. No, he's not short. He's a strapping six two. I have no short uncles. He's just very confident in his six two. I guess.

I don't know. He wasn't even shitting on me. He was just kind of stating fact that I try. I didn't know how to process it at the time. What'd you say? I said, thank you. He said, not a compliment. I don't know.

I don't. Then don't tell me that. Keep that shit to yourself. He was, not a compliment. I don't know. I don't, then don't tell me that. Keep that shit to yourself. He was shorter than my other uncle. My other uncle was six, six. That's too much height. Six,

six is way too tall. I know. That's an inconvenience. I always looked up to him though. Fact. You know what I mean? That's a zinger. I literally did.

He was one of my greatest influences on my life. Yeah? Yeah. Great guy. His name? Marshall. Yeah. If Marshall Mathers was tall, he would have sucked at rap.

Oh, yeah. How tall is Eminem? He's short. 5'10"? No, no. Definitely not 5'10". Yeah, short. That's what it says online. Probably like 5' like five five yeah let's talk about game time

the exclusive ticket partner of barstool sports created by fans for fans game time is ticketing app that makes it easier than ever to score last minute deals on tickets to sports concerts and shows and they guarantee the lowest price roan you went to see drake at 21 savage it was so awesome game time hooked it up great last minute tickets uh basically kicked them over day of i'm in section nine if you're in a section with a single digit you know that you're getting a great last minute ticket best thing about the app is how easy it is to use you can interface it so easily whipping through no hidden fees, no extra BS. You could just hop on there and you want to go to a baseball game. Football season's coming up. You want to see Pat Bev play on the Sixers.

You can do all that. Springsteen, SCA, Mets, Yankees, soccer, et cetera. It's possible with the game time app.

Download the game time app or visit the website, enter your email and you've redeemed code boy. Dad, you can get $20 off of your first purchase terms apply get game time today skip the hassle and enjoy that moment all righty let's talk about better help this show is sponsored by better help sometimes in life we're faced with tough choices and the path forward isn't always clear for example speaking of clear in the airport if you're in the airport that which you'll hear about

later in this episode probably unless you've already heard about if you're in the airport and clear decides to ruin your entire day and honestly question like your manhood because i feel like they just took your man card away from you they call you if clear calls you buddy if clear calls if clear calls you pal in a really condescending way that's a good time to download the better help app whether you're dealing with decisions around career relationships or anything else like getting absolutely demolished by a clear employee therapy helps you stay connected to what you really want, like TSA PreCheck, while you navigate life.

So you can now move forward with confidence and excitement. Trusting yourself to make decisions that align with your values is like anything. The more you practice it, the easier it gets. Find more balance with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash son today to get 10 off your first month that's better help help.com slash son and he can't be telling the truth about himself all of his greatness comes from his insecurities exactly he's got to write a play he needs to stop fucking around and write a play what is he doing right now i mean he's probably worth but he's

probably just retired, right? He randomly comes out with albums. Yeah, and they're not good. Yeah. The one with the American flag with him face palming over it. He's just trying to do something different. He's just trying to cram words. He's just trying to cram as many words in as possible,

which I appreciate. He's not going to be able to write something relatable. He's far too rich and successful and isolated. Yeah. You know, he can't be like, even his flex raps probably wouldn't make any sense. I wonder if he even goes on vacation, though. I don't know. I don't know.

He seems like a very secretive person, right? Like his personal life. He's never like in the news. He strikes me as a guy who wears disguises to go to the beach. 100%. He probably shows up to the beach wearing like a fucking beanie yeah blackface yeah you think he sold his soul to the devil i hope so that's what bob dylan said he did bob dylan sold his soul bob dylan said he made a deal with the devil no he would sing way better if he made a deal with the devil no that's why he put out all those albums when he was like 20 and now he like hasn't like he had he has had like some good songs since then but he's like nowhere even he's like there's like interviews with him

he's like i don't even know how i wrote those songs he's like it felt like it wasn't me that came up with that stuff he should have just been a ghostwriter no bob dylan's the best he sucks dick no he does not yeah he does his words are good no i hate when people say that it's that's such a that's such like a common thing like like no i don't like bob dylan's voice but he's such a good songwriter it's like dude name three songs that you like by bob dylan if you don't like bob dylan's voice you're not like you're not like reading his lyrics being like these these are such good songwriting you either like him or you don't like him i feel like people have a hard time saying they don't like him because he's like such like a

historically famous and like respected musician if mumford and sons sang all of his songs i would enjoy them way more i would enjoy both parties more i know and it was awesome that's how i know that he was a good songwriter that's how i know i'd enjoy his shit way more if it was just marcus mumford i listened to him i listened to mr tambourine man on the way to the airport yesterday. I haven't listened to that song in a long time. It's like one of the best songs ever. What do you think draws you to Bob Dylan? Was your wedding song a new basement tape?

Yeah. Good songwriter. Bob Dylan. Not his voice. I would have taken your voice. You don't want his voice for your wedding tape. Exactly. You want his voice when you're out that you don't want his voice for your wedding tape exactly you want his voice when you're out fucking

chilling you want his voice when you're standing with three of your friends that you're trying to impress around a record player like it's a fire like you're warming

and I've seen you do that you've never seen me do that when have I ever done that I have and it's funny because I took a picture of it when it was happening. When?

Where? In Tennessee. We went to your buddy's dorm room at Vanderbilt and you guys just like leered over the record player as Bob Dylan played. There's no way my buddy had a record player. Did he really? That was a long time ago. I don't remember that.

It really happened. Dude, he didn't even have a fucking comforter on his bed. There's no way he had a record player. He swaddled himself in Dylan records. He's a big Dylan fan. He stacked Dylan records on top of each other. Where was it? Tennessee?

Let's see if I can find it immediately. Have you ever been to Montauk? I went last year for the mini golf thing when we went up to big cats that was in montauk right yeah that was in the hamptons but close close to montauk yeah then no i've never been to montauk it's far as shit right isn't like four hours from here yeah that's crazy i always think it's like close as fuck it should be because everyone from new york goes there simultaneously there's a lot of traffic and it's like a train but it's also far i think there's a train why don't you just take a chopper out there should bro are you going back this weekend no you're gonna go back this summer no

you were too you shamed me too much i'm just going to work over the weekends now because you were so nasty to me about taking vacations. That's crazy. You got to get back out there, dude. Embrace the summer. We only got one. The people there are the most, how do I put this? They're like the most consumer-driven people of all time. What do you mean?

The conversations you overhear are just like, well, if you you charter a yacht you have to expect better behavior from the staff no then that that uh that procedure isn't it wouldn't fall under a uh corrective procedure it's more of a cosmetic procedure how do they how do they all are they all old no it's like young rich like women and do those people only go out there for the weekends or do they are they there the whole summer i saw a gaggle of 16 year old girls one of them being like like becky your car is sick like your fucking car is so fucking sick and i would have thought that they were younger except for they were talking about how nice each other's mercedes were people are just so rich it's just a town catered to like the next generation of generational

wealth yeah do you think just no one works anymore you think that's the problem like i'm not like not i'm not saying that like as in like i'm like a fucking workhorse or some shit but i am and but like people here like i was here people here are talking about going to fucking the shore like today yeah it's monday yeah they got one hour working yeah we got to get out of dodge which it makes sense i mean there's literally no one here so it's like i would if i had the option to go to the shore i would be doing the exact same thing yeah i don't know i saw big gas down there there's three people in the office right now and they're all in this room yeah or or crushing video games yeah the office uh changeover has just made so many more people play video oh yeah i was playing

a movie the show i was actually not doing well but it's just trendy like trendy hotties down there and even the dudes are like trendy hotties oh yeah it's and they're all going to the same stupid restaurants i almost like rage quit life we went to a restaurant on on sunday morning and it was a a gathering of like 50 000 like blonde girls trying to go get a bacon egg and cheese just absolutely swarmed you couldn't even get into the place it was just infuriating we got to the front and my wife's like i need to sit down and look at a menu i was like we just got all the way to the fucking front let's get this shit over with yeah and it's it's we got to the front and they said it's a 40 minute wait wait for a bacon, egg, and cheese. The bacon, egg, and cheese cannot be that much better than any other bacon, egg, and cheese in the world.

But for whatever reason, everybody is gravitating towards the same place because it's the cool place to get a bacon, egg, and cheese. One bacon, egg, and cheese cannot be cooler than another bacon, egg, and cheese. The variability of it isn't 40 minutes worth of fucking bacon egg and cheese no not at all i would never wait that long for bacon and cheese i couldn't i couldn't wait that long for anything if there's even a line somewhere i don't want to go i don't want to participate i don't want to wait in a line for anything no i won't wait 15 minutes for like a dinner dinner reservation or anything like that yeah maybe like i'll go to the bar if there's a bar at the place i'll go wait at the bar for you know 15 minutes like you're saying we went when we were in huntsville we went to that

place and they were like it's a 10 minute wait and i was like we'll just sit at the bar then yeah i'm not fucking waiting 10 minutes to have like shitty bar food it's there's just so few things that are worth waiting like we should have the control as the consumer yeah i'm not getting domesticated by by you motherfuckers there's also always open tables but i think it's what is it there's not enough wait staff to open up those always open tables, but I think it's, what is it? There's not enough waitstaff to open up those tables. I don't know. I think it's just because they're all run by women.

Yeah, probably. Aesthetically, it looks great, but the systems in place are so dumb. Yeah. And we could just streamline this shit real fucking easy. Did you go to the beach at all? I was crushing beach. The whole time? I was on the beach all day. You were swimming? I was putting in like 12 hour shifts yeah i was just swimming i saw i told you i saw like a

three foot striper oh yeah any sharks anything like that they closed it all it was it blows my mind that the ocean that i was seeing in montauk the flattest smoothest ocean was the same atlantic ocean as i was seeing in south africa the choppiest nastiest most like the if you step foot in there it will kill you there was no there's not there's not waves and they barely break it looks so smooth it looks so surprising because i feel like nantucket and like all that has like huge waves maybe it just wasn't a stormy day but the couple days that i was out there it looked placid as a lake meanwhile in south africa there's a family of eight great white sharks that are killing everybody in there and that's only subsided in the last couple of years because now there's two killer whales that are now hunting the great white sharks so it's

either the waves will kill you the undertow will kill you the great white sharks will kill you or the fucking orcas will kill you yeah the undertow is what you got to be worried about it's just you hope that you don't die from like a mommy makeover surgery or some shit like that or your butler drives over you with your mercedes or something it's a different world up there it's a whole different world it just blows my mind that there's this many rich you saw gas up there world up there it's a whole different world it just blows my mind that there's this many rich you saw gaz up there yeah i would say he was good maybe that's why i tried to call you but he got it going he said he's never taken a ped in his life gaz blew my mind he said he's never been on one ped in his entire life why were you asking him

that because he's because he hit me up no no no not, no. Not that kind of PED. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Because he was hitting me up at like noon, 11. We're at the pool. Come by the pool party. And I just didn't talk to him until after dinner at like 1030 or something. And he was still just going so strong. Looked relatively sober. We still went to multiple bars after that. He just rips through.

He just parties. He just parties so fucking hard, dude. I can tell why he was in charge of Barstool for so long. Do you think he just doesn't, you just parties just parties so fucking hard dude i can tell why he was in charge of barstool for so long do you think he just doesn't you think he's like well good at pacing himself he's just so good at partying dude i don't like drinks a shit ton of water and like i don't think so i think that he's just good at partying and he also does a lot of cocaine no i'm saying he said he's never he's never taken a ped that's specifically what i was asking that's no it's because he had never

like smoked meth before it was a conversation amongst men he like pulled me away from my wife he's like let's go do shots in this other room and i was asking him i was breaking his bending his ear about questions where he would never lie to me intimate questions and he said he's never done a ped and he probably was lying to you because he knew you were going to come on this podcast and talk about it no we were speaking about unspeakable things. Like your salary. Interesting. I was trying to get you more money.

Actually, no, we didn't talk any work shit at all. Which was refreshing, you know? So nice to just get away from all of it, dude. I tried to like, we went to the one bar. They're like, who are you here to see? And I tried to say his name and I realized I can't say his name. sounded like i was shit face i was like paul glasinski oh yeah paul glasinski called paul glasinski how do you say it paul glasinski glasinski glasinski yeah i don't think it's glasinski it's 100 percent glasinski it's like glasinski there's no l before the a

there is a l in there and you're saying Glosinski. Glosinski? Glosinski. Glosinski. I don't think it's Glosinski. Glosinski. G-U-L. I always thought it was Paul Glosinski.

G-U-L-C. I like gas better. I thought it was G-A. It's not A? I should have gone to the bar and was like, I'm here to see gas. Here to see gazo. Here to see number two in pirate ship. You would definitely know what you're talking master and commander like oh the guy that's here every single

day for 24 hours a day he's a permanent fixture then the next morning he was just texting us again come out do those guys have the gas has that level of money just like retired i guess he's still getting paid right it's pronounced retarded amount of money yeah no he has i mean he's still getting paid, right? It's pronounced retarded. Retarded. He's got retard money. Yeah. No, he has... I mean, he's still working, but he's also still getting paid, and he also had a percentage of Barstool.

Damn. One could only fucking imagine. Even driving out there... We need investors now for Barstool Comedy. I'm investing. I'm investing. I'm doing it mid-level marketing of barstool comedy it's pretty crazy right you put your two million dollars into it one dollar a share

there's only a hundred chairs right now dude i was watching this show called six or uh i was called it's called uh 90 day fiance have i seen that? Who's in it? It's a reality show. The No Neck Guy came from that, right? Yes, the No Neck Guy. But it's a reality show about people who have an Indian wife or something like that. Or a Scandinavian woman who's coming to America

to marry a guy. Interesting. There's a guy. Oh, shit. Yeah, I've seen that guy. That guy was like a huge huge the guy who put mayonnaise in his hair yeah yeah i don't know anything about him i've seen the pictures of him like a thousand times they find they like our bottom they drag the bottom of the ocean of society and are pulling up people he was bragging about putting mayonnaise in his hair yeah i save time money and taste it's

honestly not a bad idea yeah i wouldn't put it past you started to do that get it real slick back and nice yeah that's how i used to rock my hair man but there's a new guy on this show who's he looks like he's 16 years old but he's enough to be gainfully employed and he said he's he sent 55 to 65 000 overseas to this woman in like thailand yeah for her family to be building a new house yeah but it's always a good move when you're wiring massive amounts of money to strangers he says he has 250 in his bank account and he sent her 65 000 over the last year but she also owns his fucking life, owns every part about him. Like the opening scene is him going down to the quarry to fish and he can only stay so long

because the internet keeps on running out because she needs him on a live stream every hour of the day to be watching him, to make sure that he's not cheating. Cause the last time he went fishing, his phone died and she assumed that he was cheating. So every hour of the day, she's literally sleeping on camera. But just in case she wakes up, she wants to be able to see exactly what he's doing the entire time. Why would anyone why would anyone be in a relationship like that? Because he's this like 16 year old thick buddy, holly glasses, nervous, nerdy type of guy who's afraid that he can't get a woman

in this world and so he's paying enough to have bought a high-end escort every single night of his life to keep this woman and he takes off on the plane to go see her and she sees that sitting next to him on the plane is a woman and she's furious at him this is all in the show this is all in one episode it's all like the first episode it sounds riveting it's a ridiculous it really is the people who have the strangest minds in all of society the people who have never been told no and have lived so far removed from the rest of society that they justify these absolutely insane behaviors at all times it fucking rules have you ever met uh a couple with a mail order brad in person like a real one or just i gotta

piss really bad i'll be right back okay take a bite out of summer with HelloFresh. From chef-crafted seasonal recipes to their new fresh and fit summer menu, HelloFresh brings flavor right to your door. Pretty portioned ingredients help cut down on food waste while step-by-step instructions make cooking a breeze, not a chore.

It's very true. Make your home the hangout place this summer with crowd-pleasing pleasing eats from a backyard bar i don't know what that you got it to tangy key lime pie hello fresh market makes summer entertaining i don't know what any of these words are entertaining a cinch it makes it a cinch it makes it easy to entertain basically what they're trying to tell you is they have the best ingredients in the game, and it's going to make it a little bit easier. You're going to free up some time, and you're going to get some delicious dinners while you're in the mix. And what feels better

than cooking? I'm moving this weekend. I cannot wait to crack open a brand new kitchen, and all those HelloFresh tasty ingredients are going to change everything. It's America's number one meal kit for a reason. Go to HelloFresh.com slash Sun 50 and use code Sun 50 for 50% off plus free shipping. That's a hell of a deal. HelloFresh. All righty. Let's talk about 3C.

God, I love 3C. Of all things in life, one of the best has to be getting high. Whenever you want, wherever you want, without the paranoia of consuming some sketchy black market bunk. No black market bunk for me. What's the best way to do that? With 3C, of course. 3C has the highest quality cannabis products from their delicious Delta 9 edibles

and their industry-leading Delta 8 products to their new line of Delta 9-0 vapes and everything in between. For all racing fans and cannabis vape enthusiasts... Nope. They got those Kyle Cush disposables. Yeah, those disposables. Oh, disposables, sorry.

Named after NASCAR legend Kyle Busch. They say NASCAR driver. I call him a legend because he's partnered with 3G, my favorite company to get high with. And of course you can have those disposables. I like the chocolates. You know what I think?

I think the chocolates are pretty good to get high with. And that is one of the best things in life. Just getting high. Like at a rough and rowdy, I will take one of the brownies on the way back. I remember you took one of those brownies and you got high. So high.

So high. High as a kite from those three cheese. Me, personally, I'm a fan of the new Delta 9-0s. Yep. Son of a boy dad listeners get an exclusive 15% off discount through all of three cheese premium THC products. That can't be right. That's too good of a deal. Go to threecheese.com and use promo code BoydDad15

to take 15% off your order. Must be 21 or older to purchase. Please use responsibly. I only sold 20,000 tickets there. Dude, he posted a video, like his first show of his tour, and it's literally like, it's like Woodstock 99.

It's outside and it's like, it's like a sea of people you can't even you can't even see how many people there are because like the world curves before it ends the horizon drops off yeah yeah can you just give me another clap i was just outside uh i was peeing and i walked out and uh danny was danny was throwing the ball around with uh one of the interns. One of like Jack Mack's interns. Security guard Danny?

Yeah. And she was like, if you were in the NFL, like what position would you play? And he was like, wide receiver, obviously. And she was like, yeah. And he was like, yes. Obviously. Obviously wide receiver. Jesus.

How do you even ask a question that's stupid he's so fucking funny he should be he should be a guest on here he actually should just be an employee here he's just funnier than most of the people that work here yeah he's done a lot of funny ass shit the handle on the yak was all-time moment and then the fucking the wedding or the the the brunch that he goes to on every like sun or on the sundays what is that remember he went with za oh yeah they got like shit faced and danny was like i don't even remember any of it i was so drunk because i don't even remember za getting there it was like at like 10 a.m or that's the one they brought out in a wheelbarrow in a wheelbarrow yeah

a wheelbarrow he's so he's yeah he's just hilarious he's talking about his trip to italy while fighting with his girlfriend some guy from oklahoma came up was starting to give a restaurant recommendations i was like babe you're never gonna go to oklahoma why do you need a restaurant recommendation it's honestly a good ass point why he's trying to hit on you pissed off about i'm like that's gonna be good ass point. Why? He's trying to hit on you. That's something I would get pissed off about. I'm like, that's going to be good for when we ever go to Oklahoma. It's like, oh, this is where you have to eat in Tulsa. Tulsa's better.

You're never going to go to Tulsa. Did you, I don't want to spoil any of, well, France, it's not spoiling. France has a bunch of bits about South Africa and thus far. Did you appreciate those more after you went? Yes. When you saw him do it again? Yes. Yeah.

Those, those jokes are very, very funny. Yeah. I was watching, I was watching the show from the booth, like the audio booth and they have like two angles. There's like the straight away angle and there's one from the side.

And literally the only two people you could see on the side one was Francis. And then you, it was hilarious. It was like, I was just looking at both of you guys, like zoomed in on the camera. I was the spotlight yeah and i got crowd work to hell yeah and i'd be lying if i said i haven't thought about it every day since oh yeah i'm sure what am i supposed to sorry bro that's what happens when you step into the fucking bullpen

got to expect that in my mind i keep on going back i should like like he's like what do you have autistic like i should like i keep on being like good one like no you can't do that the whole crowd would turn against you yeah i am just uh yeah what do you what do you do in that situation i mean i think i handled it well but there's no way to win that situation i don't know talking back always it never that's what they like not that guy specifically but that's like what some people want because a lot of people are like fishing for like clips a lot of people go up on stage and like if they don't if you're talking if they're talking to someone they're like i'm not going to get anything out of this they just like move on to something else so they can get like a clip no i'm gonna i just i was starving

him i was giving him nothing he doesn't really need much to work with yeah is he still doing well uh yes i mean i didn't fucking like it yeah i'm sure you didn't but it does make me want to just go up and say some nonsense and just say some some nasty words to people yeah what are you what's your stupid fat fucking ass doing ugly stupid fucking bitch yeah yeah that's what you think and then you try it out and then they just go silent and like i guess some people can just get away with that and other people can't it's all i think it's all about like how you carry yourself on stage and like a confidence thing because if i went up there and i was like what's your fucking problem you fucking asian piece of shit people would be like well people would be like whoa

come on if that person did that they would be like oh how does how does he come up with it yeah that shit is funny it's it's like what happens never the first time we ever saw big j okerson and he was just saying like crazy shit yeah but like everyone was like dying laughing i mean big j okerson's one of the best comedians ever but it was just like it's like there's like the way that he delivers it and the way he carries himself in this like very relaxed way it's like yeah everyone loves him yeah which is under i mean obviously he's amazing but it's crazy makes you wonder yeah some people just have that style where they can do that and some people can't yeah Yeah. Maybe I got to get up and fucking and see. Want to do friend squats

this Thursday? Where at? The stand. How many minutes? 30. All right, I'll do it. All right, I'm in. 10.

Yeah, if you actually want to do it, you can do however long you want. No, no, no. I'll just fantasize about it yeah just fantasize about going up and and being nice to everybody that's what i would have done if i did crowd work just been nice to me i would have complimented me there's a lot of comedians who have started stand-up comedy because they got made fun of at a comedy show and they're like i can't i gotta i gotta do something about this is that true no, dude, I was like, I wonder if anyone that's ever done that. There probably are.

I know that there's like rappers who I know that have just that like start rapping because they're like, hey, these guys suck. Oh, yeah. I'm just going to do it. Oh, wait, you can just suck. Yeah. Music is crazy, though, because music is like you have to be good instantly. There's no one's like, well, he's just starting out.

It's like you have to be good right away with music. one's like well he's just starting out it's like like you have to be good right away with music there's no like growing into music buying tickets for five years before someone's good yeah that's not a thing you need your magnum yeah and then you can get you need your best album to be your first album or else your career will never go anywhere yeah nothing will happen yeah you. You can get shit. But if you have a great first album, then you're good to go forever. Forever.

I mean, Frank Ocean has like one album. Yeah. Well. Still, he's... How long do you think he's going to ride that wave for? Or how long do you think he'll be able to ride that wave? Some people can just do it forever, bro. How long has it been?

10 years since he put out a song or an album? Two in a mixtape. Last one was... He put out that DHL song. Yeah, 16 the whole you know 16 was blonde and then he had what orange yeah orange before blonde and then he had uh that mixtape with the car in the front nostalgia oh yeah i never listened to that three good ones it's not stream that's more than a lot but blonde was the last one that's 20 are you sure it's even i feel like it's earlier than 2016 jay electronica went for like fucking 10 years yeah uh bad people just have i guess that's a dumb thing to even ask because i guess like the grateful dead still sells out stadiums and most of them are dead well

he doesn't even talk they're actually dead self-fulfilling prophecy yeah they're grateful for the yeah ticket sales i know their children living in Montauk are definitely grateful. My dad's in the Grateful Dead. I have a Range Rover at 10 years old. Infuriating. Yeah, nothing gets me fucking more angry than that. Than someone being richer than I am.

And thinking about the Grateful Dead's children. Yeah. The perfect hedges of their homes. They're done now, though, right? That was their last tour. Are they? I think so, yeah. They did say that.

I do think... Have they said that before? Yeah. I think you can just say that. I think bands just say that. Retire all the time and then just come back whenever you want. They're like a perfect band, though, to get... Regroup with different artists and stuff and just have them play the songs. they're like a perfect band though to like get like like like regroup like i did with like

different artists and stuff and just have them play the songs like those songs you're just like they're timelessly enjoyable yeah like the rage against the machine like reunion tour that feels like that doesn't have the same fucking the same buzz it had yeah really i mean i gotta take neither to blink to me yeah i mean those are just like edgy. They're like singing about getting laid in high school. Nobody likes you when you're 50. It felt weird. Complaining about their mom.

Yeah. You have three kids, man. She has long since passed through this realm. It is a tough time. This book I'm reading. Oh wait, you're personally friends with John Mayer too. I just had to throw that in. He's in the Grateful Dead now.

That's going to be a pretty big call, right? Hey, big news. You're in the Grateful Dead. What? Really? I just got Grateful Dead. I got put in the Grateful Dead. You just got booked as the lead singer for Grateful Dead.

Most bands should just be brands and they just switch them around, putting as good of a person as possible as the front man and then just like trading people out and just playing all of their hits. Yeah. Didn't Queen do that? They just had like a young Vietnamese boy as their lead singer because they found him. I have no idea. I know Sublime has like sublime

with rome or journey maybe sublime with rome yeah i've seen sublime with rome a couple times it's not bad it's just a fucking good time that's just that's strictly energy um yeah you're making some like pretty like uh like andrew tate type takes off on twitter the other day which one about women being bad writers or something oh that's the book my wife was reading bro did you see that shit yeah i did it was funny that was preposterous i'm surprised that didn't get like pushed into the algorithm hard that's what i was going yeah that should be like yeah that should be trending on twitter right now especially with the dudes that are going to see barbie and they're

like this movie's fucking gay like dude what were you expecting the movie to be they wanted ken to get hit yeah they were expecting it yeah they're expecting ken to like dominate barbie the barbie margot robbie scene we're not just gonna be friends 50 shades montage imagine being like a like a really masculine dude rolling up to barbie and then being like disappointed with how it was this is what i how i wanted this to go this is not at all what i expected it to be and they're surrounded by like girls wearing like pink leather jackets yeah like dressed up bachelorette parties with like curly straws like what the fuck is this guy wearing all black and boots yeah this wasn't nearly as good as Oppenheimer. It's like, yeah,

dude, it's like those movies could not be on a further opposite side of the spectrum. Yeah. Why don't people expect that of other movies about like toy story? Yeah. Why was Andy? Yeah.

It's literally like going to see fucking save it, saving private Ryan and like Cinderella on the, or like frozen. People got pissed about frozen like the girl is gay yeah why is the girl gay was she i think the sister was or something like that that's why she got a streak in her hair because she's bisexual or something let it go was voted like the number three trans anthem really yeah what was number one i know the list yeah sounds a bang. No weird.

Dude, listen to this. This is a passage from the book that, that my, my wife was reading. And then we'll talk about how much we hate women after, but yeah, get this in, get this in. He snatched it from my hand, sat down and went through this tracing each item with his finger. Aha. What's this?

He pointed to an entry from yesterday, a baked potato. That turns right into sugar. You know that. If you have to be a pig and eat a potato, make sure it's a sweet potato. At least there's some nutritional value. He looked up and down at me. You make me sick, fat pig. Daddy? Tallulah was standing in the doorway.

She looked at me, worry in her eyes. Come give daddy a hug. I was just telling your mommy she me, worry in her eyes. Come give daddy a hug. I was just telling your mommy she has to stop stuffing her face. You don't want a fat mommy, do you? Mommy's not fat, she said, her voice cracking. He looked up at me and scowled. You stupid sow. Tell your daughter. Is that how you say that? So? Tell your daughter you need to watch what you eat. Daddy, stop. Tallulah was crying now.

He threw his hands up in the air. The two of you, I'm going to my study. Put the crybaby to bed. Then I want to see you in my office. Then he leaned in and whispered in my ear. If you're so hungry all the time, I'll give you something to suck on. That doesn't make sense. That last part doesn't make sense.

None of it makes sense oh no i thought he was like spitting a lot of facts that's it's just uh have you ever seen the subreddit of men writing women um it's a lot of steve yeah king and it's just long descriptions of her breasts yeah yeah yeah like her boobs boob boobily that's kind of the yeah yeah like her boobs boob boobily that's kind of the tropes that they make fun of nobody that violently misogynistic would have like calorie counts in their heads and nutritional values not at all like they wouldn't yeah those are two different people yeah no one's saying so like or sow or whatever that word is this book supposed to take place i think it's contemporary i think it's a contemporary book about a woman who the main

character is seeking out rich guys and then the book switches on its head and then suddenly the rich guy is actually the mean person not the woman who's a gold digger it's just a terrible book about terrible people written terribly preying on the worst stereotypes of human nature yeah just sucks so bad and then you look it up and there's 500 000 reviews of the book what was the book called every woman alive has read the book it's like 4.6 stars uh the last mrs parish oh i think i've heard of that all the women have read it yeah i said you got a slap book out of a woman's hand. You catch them reading some shit like that.

Some filth like that. I got spooked. My wife was picking up a book. I frisbeated into the ocean. Did your wife, did she care that you didn't like the book? No. How'd you get your eyes on that? Yeah.

She was like, look how stupid this is. She's on your team. She's like, look at this paragraph. Read this paragraph. I started taking pictures of it that's crazy blew my fucking mind they're just saying whatever the but meanwhile the book i i was reading was like when humans first got to australia there were sloths that were 20 feet tall and weighed eight tons i'm like fuck yes yes this is see this this is what this is the real shit a wombat the size of a lake we found its droppings 50 centuries later you haven't cracked open that book that i showed you or they gave you i'm in the middle of this book

sapiens when you started huh when did you start it i started on the trip to south africa oh okay and so i got back i got your book and i'm gonna read that next but this is a dense book how big is it it's it's like probably 400 500 pages but it's just more dense than anything it's just a lot of facts figures and lists but it fucking rules dude i love learning a little bit of something me too feels like i'm cheating and then the guy who was putting out my beach chairs was like i read that last year really good shit it's like czechoslovakian guy nothing bad as a foreigner i'm supposed to be smarter than him nothing better than a little uh i've read that book yeah yeah you could tell he was happy to flex then he was

like do you also like to listen to music while you read? And started suggesting operas to me. I was going to say, listen to music while you read is crazy. Unless it's, yeah, it has to be some kind of opera. Yeah. But you have to feel so smart if you're reading a smart ass book like that and listening to a fucking symphony. Yeah. Oh, dude. I don't know.

The zins are out of control. Those things are terrible. You just got on them. Does it not burn your guys' throats? Yes, it burns mine. That's why I do it once, throw up, and then never go back to it. It makes you anxious?

You should probably not do it then. You know what made me anxious was that coffee shop full of blonde women. In Nantucket? or in Montauk? Yeah. In Gay Talk? I had to leave. I was in fucking Gay Talk for too long.

You spend too much time out there, you turn gay. You ever get the hiccups from the Zen? Yeah. I was choked at that. Dude, what the fuck? The other one I had in was great and then I was like I'm gonna put another one in destroyed my insides

within seconds invisibly going through no it just like fucks up my it gives me the worst ass reflux you keep getting punched in the stomach you keep floating up no I swallow them I swallow the full house

yeah but don't that's what they're saying it's so nasty to swallow it it's not they're designed to swallow I know but still just don't they're definitely the swallowing is not a big deal you just had an adverse physical reaction obviously it's not the swallowing it's not a big deal you're you just had an adverse physical obviously obviously it's not the swallowing sorry that's on me no if i if i

had a juice if i had a drink on me if i had a drink on me i'd be fine you can't even say five words in a row that your voice your knees just hiccup dude it went through your whole body like you were doing the worm this is crazy man maybe i just won't quit vaping just stick with that for the rest of my life or just chew chew gum or something no that shit doesn't work you have an oral fixation you mind if i put a drill bead over this segment it's crazy that that how fast that happens though it's because they they have so much flavor in the beginning i just don't need any of that shit just give me the he's glitching badly how do you get the ones that just have no nicotine

or they have nicotine then i just don't have any of that fuck i don't need the fucking yeah that's what i have it still has like it's like when you put it in no this is chill what was the last thing you said when you first put them in it's like, when you first put it in, you know, this is chill. What was the last thing you said? When you first put them in, it's like they're filled with flavor and you get it all at once. That's when it fucks you up. And then,

you gotta break through that like, three minute phase. And then you're good. Crap. Nah, you're gonna be good, bro. I was good. Just drink water upside down.

No, I'm not, I'm not worried about it. I knew that was gonna happen. No, you could get... Didn't Herschel Walker have the hiccups for a year? Mine are already gone. Until they come back.

No, they don't come back. Like a poltergeist? No. It just feels like there's sand in my throat right now. Or in my stomach. I'm super excited for people to watch the most dangerous game show. Yeah, that's going to be awesome. Oh, hell yes.

I just watched four episodes of it. The first four episodes. It is very good. Very entertaining. Send that link, son. Every person on it said it was the best reality show. So good. It's just the drama. The challenges

are really good. Better than last year. Who cried? Give us three people that cried. I'll give you eight people that cried. I heard that there was a cry night. There was a couple. Francis gave me some tea right when I picked him up from the airport when he got home.

And he said that there was a cry night. People like scream crying. It was going around. Let me out! And then Ronan and Rob and fucking Logan were like, nah,

this is what you signed up for. All right, you guys can split this banana as a treat between the five of you. That's great. That's going to be the best. All right,

rules are rules. You have to be tortured. Yeah, don't cut any of that shit out though. Keep that shit in. That's my, yeah, I'm advocating.

I mean, I was advocating for them to continue to cry. Yeah, they cut out so much crying in the first one i was like the hootie and the blowfish i had some great zingers later cry they cut out all my bangers they cut out too much drama in the first one this one is drama rich that's awesome this be great. I'm excited for it. Yeah. By the fourth episode, I was like screaming alone watching it. I slapped my leg one point. That's great. That's going to be awesome.

I was sitting alone slapping my leg this month, or August. End of the month? So within the month. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah! Well, I'm going to be in Philly in August. August, like, 11th or 10, 11, 12. And let me tell you, tickets are fucking the 11th.

So on the Thursday shows almost sold out already. And we got four shows after that. So get those tickets. Chicago sold out. It's such a light work. When's that? October? Yeah.

Tell me the dates. I don't know. I think it's like October 8th. You're trying to have me not come and I don't understand why. No, I'm not. I just don't have the dates memorized. October 8th to the 13th. But I'm going to be there all week.

I think we're going to do a little bit of, I think I might add some shows. But there's still tickets available for the Rosemont show. So get that. And then once that sells out, I'll add shows downtown. We also have six pop punk shows coming up. Damn. By the end of 23?

By the end of October. Where at? By the end of the, or I don't, they're not all announced, but we have that festival, Planet of Bars to awards, and then there's four other shows.

And they keep on adding shows. God damn. Are you getting any dough from that? Any side dough? God, no. Tell them that you're not fucking going up until the money's in your pocket. I've got a sore throat,

can't say. I don't perform unless the money's in my pocket first. They make daddy sing anyway. Like, get up there, you fat sow. But still, you make me sing for my supper. You're so hungry, put a fucking mic in your mouth. Fucking sing for us, you fat piece of shit.

Live event, Lisa. Yeah. You know she changed her name to that legally? Really? Yeah. It's on her birth certificate. It's like Ojo Sinka. Seal.

She goes through airport security. Live event. What type of name is that? I got a lot of bones to pick with fucking Atlanta TSA. What'd they do? Call them out, personally.

Don't make me. Dude, that's the worst airport on Earth. They tried to take my bags. Once you're inside of the airport it's fine what was your previous worst uh lax from getting out of the airport because you get out of the airport and then you take a fucking bus to get an uber and do you know only uber blacks come into the like you have to walk extra to get normal priced ubers really yeah it's insane and dude the bus you have to wait for to get normal priced Ubers. Really? Yeah. It's insane.

And dude, the bus, you have to wait for the bus for like 45 minutes. Or you pay 500 more dollars up front. It's insane, dude. That airport sucks. Atlanta, Clear has become one of the world's biggest scams because Clear originally was just Clear. And now they seem to have, they've started some sort of partnership with TSA. So now the TSA Clear line is the priority line always.

And then they hide the real Clear line. They don't do it at LaGuardia or JFK. Those ones are pretty easy to find. But if you go to the Denver airport or the Atlanta airport, and I'm sure LAX is getting these big airports. Dude, I went to the atlanta airport yesterday i had to drop off the rental car take a train to the airport and then i get to the airport and they're like the the delta check-in is over here all these other airlines are over here so i go to the delta one and the line is fucking three miles long so i'm like where's the clear line and they're like

oh this is clear tsa and i'm like okay well i have regular clear the one that i paid for and they go oh that one is in the northern lower part of the airport follow these signs with their chest they said that yes yes wow i walked bold i checked i checked my steps 4 000 steps before I reached my gate. That's over, that's like two miles. Yeah, probably. Dude, I had to walk, I walk probably a mile to get to the regular clear thing. It's in a basement with no AC.

There's like 10 people waiting. I was one of the dumb 10 that decided, oh, I'll actually go try and find the clear line. Or there was, no, there was like, there was like like a hundred people waiting and then there's the regular boarding line like general general security and i go to the i go to the clear guy i had a little bit of a toad and i'm like hey and he's like one second pal and i'm like jesus goddamn i'm like you're about to get fucking you're you don't even want to know what's about to happen so there's a white guy no a black guy called you pal he paled me hard oh my god in the most disrespectful way didn't even make eye contact with me that isn't that's not i said excuse me i said excuse me and he was walking by and he goes one second pal and then he turns and

says something that's the other clear dude and then he comes back and he goes what do you need and i go is that line just general boarding or general security and he was like yeah and i'm like well that line is miles shorter than the clear line and i was like is it i was like can i just go in that line he's like you got it you can do whatever you want to do and i go on the line and i'm not even joking dude they're purposely going slow in that line so the clear people can get through damn there was 10 people if not less in the regular line and there was like a hundred in the clear line and they're not letting any of the regular people regular boarding people go through going going slow on purpose they're going slow on they're going slow on purpose that people will be forced to get clear they should incentivize that the airport workers

given up they should give them a cent for everybody that they get through it was insane i was livid me i was i got to the point where me and people around me we were starting a little we were discussing i was like the guy next to me i was like they're going impossibly slow how old was he uh probably like in his 20s 30s yeah and he was like i don't know man and i was like because he followed me i i kind of led a charge because when i when i transitioned there's more of us than there are of them because when i transitioned over to the regular boarding line a group of people went with me they were like yeah he's right the power that the tsa has over you is a myth it's an illusion yeah and it's just that they need everybody to cooperate in being their subjects and if all of you guys put your heads together if they had a good leader yes someone like you

i feel like you could overtake that and get on the plane scot-free that was the second time i've ever i've ever led a pack at the airport the first time was when i was flying back from toronto and i don't know what it was with canada air but everyone in the everyone there decided that they didn't have to just put their like care their overhead luggage like they didn't have to put their big bag in the overhead bin they also put all of like every single article of clothing that they had on them like hat gloves fucking snow pants jacket and then they would have like shopping bag dude there was not one thing of luggage in the overhead bin and then so i'm sitting there i had this tiny red duffel bag and they're like you're gonna have to check the bag and i said i was like why do those people all get to have fucking 10 bags in the overhead bin and then then some other dude kind

of went off went off the he went he lost it on them and then i kind of stepped back and i was like let's just check the bag i'm not dealing with this shit he went dude he made them get back on the plane and like find the people who had multiple bags in the overhead bin oh really yeah and it like held up the plane and i was like i'm not a part of this i was like just take my bag we had a very good whistleblower yeah he caused a goddamn scene but it wasn't it was nuts dude yeah it's just because dude some people i mean it's not like most times they don't give a fuck though yeah i think i also part of me has to realize that most people don't fly every single week so most people aren't on that like i know exactly where i'm going and how to do this in

the most like efficient way imaginable they're more like here's the i guess i'll put everything i guess i'll put everything in the overhead bin oh look at all the actual leg space i have dude yeah take my pants off put their backpack in the overhead bin and they put it like or they don't put it below them and they put it up top with their like suitcase death penalty you should be executed firing squad i think you need to uh take a deep breath. No, Ron. They're airport experts and modern day philosophers. Dude, it's... If you guys saw

the TSA line yesterday, you would have been... They were letting probably 10 clear people in for every one person that didn't have clear. It breaks my fucking heart. It does. I almost missed my flight. I got to the airport an hour early, which I never do. I usually get there 10 minutes early. It's a big airport though.

It's a shithole. They sent me to the, they sent me to the fucking, they sent me to the, they sent me to the basement. Yeah. Cause I didn't have TSA pre-check. What are your thoughts on fast pass at a theme park?

It's bullshit because I paid how much to get into wild water kingdom no but i i'm gonna get tsa yeah let's go let's go together cancel my clear no no i'm canceling clear i'm over it why because it's a scam dude they can't they can't be treating us like that i fucking if you get if you get a hundred on a petition, I'll do it with you to cancel clear. Yeah, I'm going to comedians. Dude, because when it first came out, it was like no one had it. And then you just fly through. I remember like bragging to the people that had TSA being like, look how fucking I'm going to beat you by a mile.

And then out of nowhere, all of a sudden, all of a sudden, like being just a normal clear member and not having the TSA, you're a lower status than someone that doesn't even have Clear. They treat you like you're fucking shit. We should have a panel and we'll call it Comedians on Canceling Clear. And it'll be cock. And everyone can come and see it. Everyone can come see cock as we fucking talk about the real issues that people want to hear. But that is a real issue that people need to hear about. And I'm sure if there's anyone out there who has clear, they've probably experienced what I've experienced.

No, I know. Your travel to sold out shows sounds exhausting. Dude, it's a fucking nightmare. It's the worst part. When do you start demanding first class tickets? Never. I'm never going to do that. It's so soon.

Yeah, it's around the corner. I get the option to upgrade but i'm not going to spend six hundred dollars on a two-hour flight i'd rather just be uncomfortable for two hours yeah that's going to go away luxury becomes a lifestyle eventually you're already throwing money bro i've known for some reason sides that he has to give me a dollar every time we sit down i have no use for them. Single dollar bills? You don't get it because you don't even need Clear or TSA because you are always fucking first class.

And first class gets their own line. He tells the pilot to take off. He takes them with him. I'm on a call still. I got to Zoom. I got to Zoom. Can we wait to push back? I'm talking to my GMm right now that's crazy that first class getting their own line is nuts why it didn't make sense but it's

like so what if you're first class and you have tsa and you have clear do you even have to go through security or do they just like they just let you pull the car up to the plane it's like those entourage seats yeah i mean you may as well just be flying private at that point i'm fighting for the common man that's what i'm doing right now people like to talk shit like oh barstool not the common man anymore this is the common man talking about the common man experience flying you splurge you go i'm gonna go clear this is a little ballsy for him i'm not someone that would typically pay for special treatment i don't know if any common man flies as much as you i bet they do there's a common man out there that does flight attendant flight attendant now they go through with their

fucking clear backpack there's like legitimately clear you ever seen what those people rock those people backpacks at least swag people though i i i legitimately think that there should be like a study done i i feel like there's like a there's like a government there's like a government psyop happening okay this is like a deep conspiracy theory but i think like have you ever met someone who's like oh i'm going to apply to a job at the fucking buffalo wild wings inside the airport oh i like this i think they're i think the government is seeking out the worst people on earth. Oh, you think those are maybe jail inmates?

Prisoners? They're like sliding applications to the fucking Popeyes. It's new slavery. Yeah. And they're like, here, come get this job. We just want to make sure that you suck in every way imaginable. They put you in one of two buckets. You're going to make people lose their fucking mind.

They either make you work at the airport bar or they make you go on 90 day fiance yeah and talk about putting mayonnaise in your hair yeah and you have to give your entire salary to a woman that surveils your every move yeah dude if you go to like a store like or if you go to like a popeyes like the pot there's popeyes across the street or you go to a buffalo wild wings down the street or you go to like a uh texas roadhouse any of these places you go there maybe the way maybe that maybe the staff they're not like the fucking best people you've ever met but they're just normal people right yeah like that's just a normal person that i'm talking to right now and then you go to the airport and you're like i feel like this person's purposely trying to make me fucking lose my mind right now and i don't say

anything i bury it deep down but it's like like, dude, there's something going on. And it's going to come up. I think it's if you get fired from selling peanuts at Yankee Stadium. They send you to the Wendy's at your house. For like aggravated assault. Like everyone in there, I feel like, has to have some sort of like assault with a weapon charge. I think that they're all waiting for the day when they just see someone their size who they can drag behind the counter, kill, clothes with just be like this is my life now and they get on the first plane that they see out of there yeah people it's a fucking madhouse like brought onto a plane yeah like hey come with

me it's a fucking shit show in every airport except for la guardia that's the one and it's because they don't have uh consumer like other than starbucks they don't have they don't have anything they don't have restaurants that are all the all the you don't have to work for mrs fields exactly and all the store all the stores are self-checkout yeah i'm gonna start tipping the self-checkout that's an option they give you an option i'm about to start i understand why they have the tip thing i'll start tipping if it means that there will be less people there working it will yeah i mean dude i think that's fair that's talking airports i don't think i don't i feel like like do you agree with me or am i am i like an out an outlier

here uh i i'm with you i i don't think you should be getting that mad about it but i usually don't it was just this atlanta experience i was literally talking to myself. How loud? Dude, I'm looking for the clear line. At one point, I'm just outside. Suddenly, I'm outside of the street, dude. They're turning you into a crazy person too. Dude, it was making me lose my – I was losing my mind. That's the modern-day zombie bite is like you're around so many people that are acting crazy that you wind up muttering to yourself and turning crazy. And then the new person comes in and is like, at all the crazy people here and it's just you

like dragging a duffel bag I'm like one of the last people to get on the plane I sit down I have a whole row to myself and I'm like I was like thank I was like this was like the gods were giving me this gift because they know how sucky this has been and then just two

lesbians come and sit down next to me they're just making out the whole flight, dude. At one point, they were laying on top of each other. Free movie. No. I was like, you gotta be. So you were extra blessed by the gods. No.

Not those kind of lesbians. Not the porn star lesbians. The real lesbians. The biker. Yeah. The real lesbians. Big lesbians. Salt of the earth lesbians.

Lesbians, they would like try to challenge people in an arm wrestling competition in like a dive bar and win their idea of a good time is like competing to eat a steak yeah putting down a 42 ounce porterhouse man like slurping down the fat dude surrounded by babies there's babies front, left, and behind me. Screaming, all of them. Like dogs barking. How they bark in sync. And then the fucking, I fell asleep. The flight attendants, they're waking me up.

Their arms in the aisle. Maybe make the aisle like one inch wider. So that if like my elbow is hanging off the seat by this much, it's not going to be removed by the bar cart that weighs 12 tons. Twitter showed me a picture of a flight, a Hawaii flight from the early 90s where the roof got completely ripped off of the plane. Yeah. People were still sitting there. Yeah. But then the top comment underneath it was like, look how much leg room they used to have.

Yeah. It used to be heaven yeah that's what you need a unspeakable tragedy to expose the bisection of an airplane to see how much they're sprawling the fuck out yeah there should be like it should be like a like you know how can you go on the amtrak that's like the quiet car it should be like that for all it should be like a general rule that you're just not allowed to speak on a plane no smoking cigs no talking mook when you were flying out of alabama were people talking to you the whole way the entire the whole flight the whole flight it's just like that like southern hospitality yeah sit down next to you and they're like like it's like i feel like they think it's like a disrespectful move to even have the headphones on you like you shouldn't even

consider listening to music yeah yeah at one point i just closed my eyes to pretend that i fell asleep they were still just talking to you dude next to me it's so cold on this plane man and i'm like dude i know i'm like i know it's cold and the lady next to me slide your hands down my pants and the lady next to me she's with her husband who's there she's in the aisle oh this was this was nuts and there's just nothing you can do in this situation i go i sit down i'm in the aisle seat she comes on with her husband who's like very old and they and they're i guess she had the windows she had the middle seat and she's like you guys can just move in and i was like yeah i guess we can just move in i guess we can't i guess i just won't sit in the aisle seat that i paid extra to sit in i guess we i guess i didn't think of the option that we can

just move in and i'll sit in the window i'll sit in the middle seat but i'm like what am i gonna do i'm not gonna be like no you gotta sit in the middle seat you're 90 years old why did i i would so you moved to the middle seat dude it was her husband was like 900 years old and they had to have like special treatment to get on the plane i'm not gonna be like yeah you guys aren't allowed to sit next to each other I booked an aisle she gently was just like oh no it's like she acted like she was doing me a favor because I was about to get up and then go

into the aisle so that she could get in she was like no no don't worry about that you guys can just move in I would not be doing that with a fucking reverse card of the century dude I know that you were on the travel subreddit being like some woman just no sit in the sit in the row that you that flight was like 30 minutes so i didn't really mind but it's dude it's crazy out there you need we gotta get you flying private

dude but i'm i'm deathly worried now that big cat and dave are out of new york completely oh you're done flying private dude those days are i'm never gonna be on a private flight again yeah every single rough and rowdy i'd be back before like before the clock struck midnight i'd be back in new york yeah there's a rough and rowdy coming up i'm gonna have to stay in west virginia for a weekend yeah welcome to the fucking yeah welcome to the hit dude i can't wait for are you gonna get diamond again next year i'm i'm about to book a fucking i'm about to book a flight every week i'm about to just create content for... Are you going to get Diamond again next year? I'm about to book a fucking... I'm about to book a flight every week. I'm about to just create content for me.

I'd love to see you get knocked back down to silver. No, because you have... I think you... There's something where you can jump up... See how it is in 38F. You can jump up a class. I don't know. People don't want to fucking hear about this.

I don't think anyone's listening at this point, to be fully honest. How long have we been going? 94. Oh, we're good. Oh, 94. I'm Mr. 94, bro. 94 feet.

Anyways, if anyone else has a similar experience with Clear, please reach out. Yeah, put out the petition. We're looking to start some sort of support group. The last half hour was therapy. And you sued the hell out of them. It was therapy. It was good for you to get it out of here. You're on autopilot.

It's crazy. I mean, it's just crazy that they can do that. I got an email. You know the shoe bomb that's why we have to take our shoes off didn't even go off. They're like, it didn't work. Yeah, that's so crazy. He should have at least killed like a plane full of people. Wait, what happened?

That's why we have to take our shoes off yeah cause one guy tried to sneak a shoe bomb in and a pair of marbled starberries or something that's what you should do is just bring a bomb through clear just to get the shit shut down like yeah this isn't I was auditing you guys

genuinely yeah genuinely what I'm not gonna say anything genuinely what here wait let's see flying out of atl we're moving we're moving our lanes flying out of atl the non-tsa pre-check clear lanes are moving to the lower north checkpoint since when is that what we're called as people the non-tsa that's what they've grouped me into i'm now the not oh hey you guys know where i can find the non-tsA. That's what they've grouped me into. I'm now the non- Oh, hey. You guys know where I can find the non-TSA pre-check clear lanes?

It was originally just clear. You're of the slave caste. Yes. There's elite class, commoner class, and then slave class. And that's you, brother. The ATL airport is undergoing checkpoint construction, supposedly. So we've partnered with the airport. Yeah, I'm sure you have.

To open temporary clear lanes downstairs downstairs i was in the fucking basement dude downstairs of the lower north checkpoint this only impacts passengers without tsa pre-check which is everyone that has clear if you don't if you have tsa tsa pre-check you don't get clear there's no point and have tsa pre-check you'll you'll continue to check you'll continue to use the South security checkpoint find us in ATL let's see where they take us I want to see if I can give you guys a visual

bro just keep the turn off the camera just like keep the shit in front of him I wish I could find it we all do I don't see if I can find it should we tease it for next week yeah find out next week we all do we want to find it should we tease it

for next let me just see if I can find it and then we can end it lower north checkpoint at ATL airport I actually am flying at ATL in two weeks

so this is helpful good luck dude that's all I'm saying you go in you go in there I was in a great mood I had one of the best days I've had in years

went fishing and then I did my shows Woke up the next morning, didn't drink, not hungover Bright and early, got a good shower in Oh my god, you showered that day? My flight was early What did we learn? Go back to getting shit faced Yeah, it stops feeling that good

Gets old quick Let's see Shrek claps. When an underclassman on the team would run around a player who made a mistake in practice while clapping their hands above his head, above the heads of the teammate. Oh. So that was what the coach was doing. Some of the Shrek claps above the head. I thought it was like clapping cheeks.

I thought it was literally thighs. I'm assuming that's what it was. That's like the sex. Yeah. Until the actual.