Son of a Boy Dad - Hole Puncher | Son of a Boy Dad #206

Episode Date: June 6, 2024

Hole Puncher | Son of a Boy Dad #206 -- Ad: Get 55% off at https://Babbel.com/SON. -- Ad: Get 25% off your subscription or try the app FREE at https://Fitbod.me/BOYDAD. -- Ad: Son of a Boy Dad is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit https://BetterHelp.com/SON today to get 10% off your first month. -- Follow us on our socials: https://linktr.ee/sonofaboydad -- Merch: https://store.barstoolsports.com/collections/son-of-a-boy-dad -- SUBSCRIBE TO THE YOUTUBE #SonOfABoyDad #BarstoolSportsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, son of a boy dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. I think it's like massive. I think it's like Joe Rogan. Big. Really? Like in terms of comedy podcasts, it's Joe Rogan and then him.

Right. And, whoa. What's with the bandage? I just gave, I just had blood taken. Why? Just at the doctor's appointment. Doctor. Physical?

Checkup? Yeah, something like that. AIDS? Let me take it off. I don't want to start any conversations that I have AIDS. It's the last thing I need. Looks like they nicked you a little bit. I know. It was better than the last thing i need looks like they nicked you a little bit i know it was better than the last time last time i had a fucking bruise like this the entire yeah a week afterwards

all right shall we set it off brother all righty welcome back to the son of a boy dad podcast today it is june 5, and we're here from HQ3. This is coming out June 6th. Start of the finals and my mom's birthday. Oh, very fun. Hey, mama. I want to scream so loud for you that I'm so proud of you. That's good.

That's huge. Happy birthday to Roan's mom and go Celtics. Yeah. Have you ever uh announced your mom's birthday on this show no when can we expect a celebration not anytime soon why because her birthday is in december oh perfect okay december what don't worry about it bro i just want to know if she gets christmas presents or if she gets fucked yeah that was the thing that she used to talk about a lot that when she was younger it would be this, because it's like right around Christmas,

and it would be like, this is your birthday present and your Christmas present. Right. And she would be furious. That's like having your wedding anniversary near your wife's birthday or something like that. Yeah. Two birds with one stone.

Yeah, it's tough, you know, because you've got to get two things, but no one wants to. Do you have to? I don't think you really do. I think you can knock two of them out at once. Low key, you should just be able to lie to your kid about when their birthday is. Yeah. They don't know.

Yeah. If my kid's birthday was on Christmas, I'd be like, no, you're January 15th. No, I'm going the other way. I'm telling my kid their birthday is on Christmas no matter what. Oh, really? Because it's just like, okay. One present. You don't really have to do anything.

Yeah, but then Christmas is like a whole thing. Yeah, they feel like Christmas is theirs more than it's Jesus's. Also, it would kind of suck to have your birthday on Christmas because then you can't,

like your 21st birthday, you're spending it with your family. No one's coming over. No, you're not like going out to the clubs on your 21st birthday. You can't go to the clubs.

You can't go to, and I'm a club guy. Everyone knows that about me. Jesus was too. Club dog, yeah. Jesus was. Jesus loved the clubs. There's a bouncer in front knows that about me. Jesus was too. Club dog. Yeah. Jesus was. Jesus loved the clubs. There's a bouncer in front of that stone that he pushed back.

I've never been to a club before. Really? And I probably never will go. They, no, you'll go sometime. I don't think I will. We'll drag you into one. None of my friends go to clubs. I don't think that's like a thing anyone I know does.

Yeah, I guess that's kind of a club. Mr. Purple was a club. I mean, we were there for four minutes. Yeah. And I was like 18. You've been to strip clubs? Strip clubs, but that doesn't count. My boy Mike has an idea for the turkey club.

Nine stories tall. Stories one, five, and nine. Bread. Bread themed. Then mayonnaise. Then turkey. Oh, I like it. Bread. Bread themed. Then mayonnaise. Then turkey. Oh, I like it. I like it.

Lettuce. Mayonnaise, turkey, tomato, another bread. Fucking genius. Yeah. Fucking genius, right? That's a good idea. The turkey club. That's a good idea, yeah.

A nine-story club. That's got legs to it for sure. Yeah. I've been to the Starbucks Reserve. That's basically a club. That's a club. Yeah. A couple floors. Top floor is a bar. That's a club. Yeah. A couple floors.

Top floor is a bar. You're more of like a golf club, tennis club type of guy. Yeah, I don't know. I'm not having a good day. Is everything okay, brother? It sounded like I was going to start crying there, but that was because I'm not going to start crying. The nummies would go crazy. I'm not having a good day.

Just non sequitur. You start talking about the turkey No, Call of Duty is- You start talking about the turkey club. Call of Duty is truly ruining my entire life. That's why you're not having a good day? Dude, it's the first time I've ever played a video game where I get off and I can't shake the rage that I feel for like 45 minutes after.

That shows you're healthy though. I got off the game. I played two games two 22 and 20 in one of the games and then the second game i was 8 and 32 and i was reporting everyone for hacking i'm a i'm a snitch everyone's getting reported why don't you just hack like i thought about it it's like the steroid era yeah i've definitely thought about it but i don't i want to get my account banned and i don't i don't so don't there's no point it's not enjoyable what would be enjoyable about that being just not having the rage like leaving leaving video games without a fucking fire in

your belly that you have to bring on to the podcast now because now i'm enraged yeah no i'm bringing it to the podcast for sure i got i i played two games got off showered listened to matt and sh's secret podcast. Go check that out if you haven't heard of it. Great episode. Wasn't even laughing though because I was so angry. In the shower, still angry. Got out of the shower and then I put my fist up against the wall and I was like, I want

to punch a hole in this wall. It's so bad right now. What? It's bad? Which I've never done that before, i was like if only i could just testing it like were you testing the wall or were you testing yourself myself my fist was just i took a photo of my fist against the wall let me see it let me see 10 seconds i was like i gotta i'm gonna throw my fist through this fucking wall right now take a picture

that has to be our thumbnail bad day to be a wall bad day to be a fucking dry wall i've never punched a hole in a wall but i was like if there was a time it's now uh you need a stud finder before you do that yeah i didn't know i got some sturdy walls they barely even get nails through Really? I'll break my hand if I put my fist through a wall. You need to throw an elbow at it then. Yeah, but it's just so fucking annoying. The game's so bad. I've been watching a lot of old Black Ops 2, MW2, MW3 gameplay back in the Optic days. Optic's gumpy.

And it's just such a better game. Oh, Optic was the... I mean, Optic's the fucking legends where everything's built on. Yeah. Scampi. Shout out Optic Hitch. Yeah. That's the homie.

Yeah. I mean, it was, those were the good days. Can you send me that picture? Can we put that picture in the group chat? Sure. I will. Yeah. You can't do it now?

Oh, we're in the middle of riffing. Why don't you just fucking tweet it up on the internet and let the fucking internet get their claws into it? Well, I think that's why I took the photo because I contemplated tweeting it and I was like, I'm going to save it for the podcast. That's so generous of you. Yeah. I understand that you're pissed off. I've kind of been using a lot of, I don't know if you've seen, I've been going a little viral lately on Twitter.

So I've been saving. Sports tweets. Now I've had a banger the other day. What was it? Just a trend. Had to hop on a trend. Actually, I believe I started the trend. I don't think anyone was changing the formula like that before I was.

Now I'm seeing a bunch of people doing it. No, I tweeted because everyone's doing that thing where they're recording the people at Chipotle. And I said, I'm going to record my pharmacist so I can get extra Valium, which I don't even take Valium. I just thought that's a funny drug. 37. 37,000. Yeah. Yeah.

Literally viral. Well. Literally viral viral that's like low level viral it's good it does feel good to you know like wipe the dust off a little bit or just be like i still got it so i still got it that's when i have a hot back in the battle rap ring yeah or just throw a little rhyme out there it's like oh yeah still got yeah and it's so easy it's too easy that's why i gave it up right yeah you wanted a challenge like playing against boss yeah i mean that's like 37 000 likes on that if i did that joke on stage you would bomb right that's why i don't do twitter it warps your mind you get internet brain from it you should be building tiktok clips on stage hell no well i mean if you want to go vi-vi because if you say that joke on stage, that's 100,000 likes on TikTok.

Not views likes. TikTok sucks. I don't care about that. No shit, dude. So does Twitter. You think Twitter rules? No, Twitter sucks too. The only good social media these days is Reddit.

Yeah, and Truth and Mastodon. Yeah, yeah. But Truth, did you see that they like- No, I didn't see anything. You're the only person I know that's actively on Truth. At least I'm about it though. Everyone likes to joke about it. But they polled the jurors from Trump's trial.

Yeah. And they're like, where do you guys get your news? And one of them said that they get their news exclusively on Truth. Yeah. I mean, hey, at least- And they still convicted his ass. It's a reliable source. It is. Well, you got it right from the horse on Truth. Well, I mean, hey, at least it's a... And they still convicted his ass. It's a reliable source. It is.

Well, you got it right from the horse's mouth. Yeah, exactly. That's the only place you could talk to the horse. Yeah. I mean, it'd be one thing if it was called like lie social, then there would be a problem. X is even a dangerous name. TikTok, the time is ticking.

If anyone's getting their news from X, they have a serious problem. Yeah. That's why I get my news from reddit but i go to the news tab yeah there is good news on reddit yeah i go to the futurology tab oh very fun there's fucking great shit in the futurology tab the one thing they said uh or maybe this was in not the onion but they were like there's this tribe in brazil i saw this that hasn't gotten touched by yeah humanity in fucking for the existence of

their tribe until recently and there's 2 000 people in it yeah they just got the internet and they got starling yeah and within two months everyone's addicted yeah yeah i saw that that i was in the new york post oh it was yeah that they're just like consumed by sloth yeah yeah and like everyone is just sitting around all day yeah i mean i'm not surprised i'm dying to see what kind of porno they're into whatever is the last thing that was posted on porn hub they're definitely like going to like the featured page yeah they're they're too young to have kinks yeah no i think they're just like they'll watch anything i mean it's too new for them to have kinks yeah i don't think anyone they don't have preferences they're just missionary yeah they're just a missionary pmv it's all it's probably gross shit you think so

i think it's just that they're probably like first off they're like white people exist yeah that's probably the biggest crazy thing for them they said that they reduced their screen time to two hours in the morning five hours in the evening and all day on saturdays which is still seven hours a day and then all day on saturdays like they had to reduce it on saturdays they had to reduce it to seven hours a day which is so crazy that imagine how much they were on their phones where it was more than seven hours a day that's so funny all day Saturday. They're just gooning. They're just in a full, they probably dig literal goon pits. Yeah.

They said that all like the traditional like hunting and fishing that they are supposed to do to keep their tribe alive. Yeah. All the traditions are falling by the wayside. I'm not surprised. Yeah. No one wants to hunt and gather when you have all day of Saturday reserved to masturbate. The fish and elk are probably having a field day. Oh, yeah. They're like, why is no one wants to hunt and gather when you have all day of saturday reserved to masturbate the fish and elk are probably having a field oh yeah they're like why is the population is probably booming honestly you need to go down to fucking brazil and fish i know because you'll be the only guy out there with your i never understand places where it's just wild fish do they not run

out of fish because that's a big thing in america where it's like colorado and all these places where fly fishing is super popular the fish are super pressured so a they started like running out of fish and b the fish stop eating flies because they know that they're fake but they're a they're probably not fake flies there and b it's like the amazon true it's the amazon river it's like the biggest river yeah they have a lot of fish in that river. A lot of fish, a lot of runoff. Yeah, I doubt they're stalking the Amazon. You'd be surprised though. They stalk a lot of rivers.

They probably are stalking the Amazon. Like most rivers are stalked. Amazon's probably like Deion Sanders Pond. Oh, yeah. There's just fat trout in there. I'm supposed to go fishing on Friday, but now it's going to thunderstorm tomorrow. So what's wrong with it

expecting a full blowout so you can't fish the day after a thunderstorm you can but the water is going to be super high and super fast which makes it really hard to fish and wade yeah but you're good though not no it's not it's just not fun but i feel like you upping the type of situation that you're in it'll make everything else easy. You're swinging with a donut. There's a weighted bet. You go out there after it's been fucking whitewater rapids. Then the next time you go fishing, it's going to be like, oh, this is so calm. I could see every fish.

I feel everything more clearly. Yeah. Get out there on Friday, bro. Yeah, we'll see. Probably not. I'm probably not going to. All right. But I can't go Saturday.

And on fucking Friday. And I can't go saturday and on fucking friday and i can't go sunday and then i have to go to la for a week are you going to be out all next week i'm going to be here monday and maybe tuesday billion spot on monday yes billion spot on monday that's big billion spot on monday yeah warm mode back in i can't wait we're the only people that'll give them a platform these days honestly yeah war mode with francis i almost want to just sit back i know right they're gonna break francis's brain i know that's why i want to just uh because i talked to francis about like we were talking about conspiracies and he's just like like he's in the boat that like all conspiracy like he doesn't even need to hear them he's like they're all dumb i don't

you don't care yeah we talked about like like a nine 11 conspiracy and he was like, are you that fucking stupid? And I was like, well, I think the, the conspiracies are like fun. Like, I'm not,

I'm not like, I'm not going like Alex Jones. Like I believe these things with all of my heart, but it's like still interesting to read about them. Like why they find the passports. Why were the passports found? Harmless. Uh, like we're not, we're not sandy hooking yeah i mean billions but it might be there definitely are yeah which means that they could get that alex jones fucking

yeah lawsuit coming their way where they're gonna have to sell their paint brushes and buckets they're gonna have to liquidate everything what did alex jones have to sell some one of his houses his ranch he was crying on yeah he cried yeah and then everybody was like hitting him with hard facts about it being like we don't want to fucking hear it dude i was trying to watch a i was trying to find a documentary because i just watched that um that uh late night with the devil movie and i was trying to find a documentary about bohemian grove and they're like isn't any and then there was one and it was called like the truth about Bohemian Grove, and they're like, isn't any. And then there was one, and it was called, like, The Truth About Bohemian Grove, and it had, like, a 6 out of 10 on IMDb.

And I clicked on it, and it was made by Alex Jones in the year 2000. Isn't that when he broke in? I don't know, but it was literally just all the reviews on IMDb were either, like, 10 out of 10, Alex Jones is a genius, or just like, this guy is fucking insane. They'd be like, I was actually interested to see what this was about, and this guy is just out of his fucking mind.

I think he breaks into Bohemian Grove in that. Oh, really? Yeah, I think he runs in and is running around, poking his head into things. Poking his head into glory holes and watching the ceremonies and shit like that. I couldn't find much. There's not that much online about it. There's really nothing online about the human sacrifice or anything.

I told you I read some Reddit thread about some dude who worked there. Yeah, the waiter. And he was like, they pee outside. He was like, they pee outside. That was the biggest controversy. Yeah. And he said they really wouldn't talk when he was around, so he didn't get to pick up on any-

That probably makes sense. Juicy gossip. They knew that he was a Redditor. Yeah. They knew that he had loose lips and fucking fast fingers. Yeah. But it kind of made me feel like maybe Bohemian Grove isn't as crazy as people say it is because if you're at Bohemian, like if you worked at the Pentagon, you can't then go on Reddit

and be like, hey, I worked at the Pentagon. Ask me anything. Yeah. That doesn't happen. Yeah. So if you work at Bohemian Grove and you went on Reddit and you're like, I worked at Bohemian Grove, ask me anything, and you didn't get murdered, it's probably nothing that crazy is happening. You don't know anything. Yeah, that's true.

But even if you didn't know anything, it would shut that shit down immediately if it was that crazy who would read it or the like the high people of the government like the people that are going to bohemian grove the naughty which seems to be everyone yeah i don't know we're gonna have to ask billions but about it yeah i bet francis has been well he's probably why he that's probably why he's so anti-conspiracy because he's like uh linkedin with harvard and the cia yeah that's true bohemian grove yeah i've been i saw i went uh i actually did a show there about eight years ago whenever people use summer as a verb you know that they're linked in with some high level conspiracies it's just summer out bohemian grove yeah yeah yeah but the only thing about about uh some conspiracies is like when you hear too many like retarded people talking about them then you're just like all right like

when you hear a group of people and you know that they're dumb and they're like the pyramids were actually batteries it's like okay you guys all the dumb people agreeing about something yeah that's the values of conspiracy there's not a ton of really smart people who are deep into conspiracies. Yes. It's mostly stupid people. And like, even if someone seems pretty smart, they might like uncover a flaw in themselves

within 15 minutes of talking. Yeah. But again, like I'm into the lighthearted ones, like pedophile rings. 9-11. 9-11. I'm not into the mass shooting ones the mass shooting ones are pretty dark that's corny yeah that's corny but there was one a while ago where it was like this

dude who like survived the parkland shooting was like his dad was a qanon guy and he was like that didn't happen and he was like i was there it happened and his dad they like their relationship fell apart i don't know it was a whole thing his dad accused him of being a liar yeah literally his dad was like you got rescued by the ski lift yeah on the ski lift he was like no i fucking did it yeah basically reverse of your story yeah pretty much last episode go back and listen to last episode make sure you hit wednesday's app hit wednesday's app if you want to see exactly what we're talking about this is interwoven storytelling didn't someone tell us to do that like uh reference other episodes so people will have to like pick up on your inside jokes and fucking through storylines

someone definitely said it i don't remember who but probably edwin it feels like an idea for sure or gas it could have been a Gaz idea. Yeah. Or Gaz sold, no, Gaz sold us to change locations. That was back when like, everyone was like,

the mean girls are the next big thing. And they were like, look at their, they're recording somewhere new every day. And they're like, you got to do that. We need, we need apologies.

Yeah. I need a lot of apologies. We need apologies from everybody who is out there. You know what? The best thing we ever did was not flood our youtube page with 30 second clips you think absolutely i mean it would have grown the page but no it wouldn't yeah it would have it wouldn't it would if it grew the page it would maybe grow the page first at first and then it would tank all of our uh analytics

well regardless you don't want to go to someone's youtube page not even be able to find the podcast i'm talking on the on the reels part there's like reels on youtube now i'm anti i mean they help grow but i i'm fine with our strategy i have no problems with our strategy i just need apologies from everybody who is like mean girls look how good mean girls is doing you need to do what mean girls is doing. You need to do what mean girls is doing. Did you watch Dave Smith talk to,

on Patrick Bette David's show, talking to Chris Cuomo? No, I didn't, but I've heard a lot about it. It was pretty fucking good. But the whole time, he's just like, I need apologies.

Who, Chris Cuomo? No, no. Or Dave Smith. Dave Smith was like, we need apologies for all the misinformation about vaccines that you guys put out.

And that's how I feel about gas. I need apologies for all the misinformation about vaccines that you guys put out. And that's how I feel about gas. I need apologies for all the misinformation about Mean Girls that was fucking shoved down my throat. I don't know. Dude, the amount of people that are still talking about the vaccine and the masks, like on the right, like that whole comedy sphere, it's making me want to start wearing a mask again. Because it's like, like dude who gives a shit about this still well we were fundamentally lied to bro no it's so great like i saw something the other day i forget what it was but it was some like show and they were like i don't see anyone in here wearing a mask and the crowd's like fuck yeah and it's like yeah dude because it's over why do you care still like you see like maybe

one person a day wearing a mask yeah and it's like who gives a fuck i think people want to be like i was right the whole time but also none of them were because they all were wearing masks yeah yeah they all everyone that's like hey i didn't get the vaccine i didn't it's like yeah you did you did get the vaccine and you did wear a mask right and now but all of a sudden the story changed and you're like not me i would never have done that shit that bullshit people are just front running yeah it's so lame yeah i i cannot imagine still caring about it i think people are pissed because chris uh cuomo was like he's like i'm on uh uh ivermectin yeah i heard that and everybody and he like guffawed at the thought of ivermectin ivermectin yeah but why is he on ivermectin

because he has a vaccine injury okay he's like fucked up from the vaccine but i got the vaccine four five years ago and i got johnson and johnson and i'm fine yeah so why is he taking ivermectin still because i guess i don't know he's like no one's still getting vaccinated are people still getting vaccinated i don't think so even on this interview on this debate he was like there's uh there's a new wave coming in china that's what they like to say they're like they're like it's worse than it's ever been right now there's a new wave in in China. Well, that's what they like to say. They're like, it's worse than it's ever been right now. There's a new wave in fucking China right now. China needs to worry about their own shit, dude. Yeah, China needs to fucking...

China needs to fucking tighten up. You know the real estate market crashed in fucking China? I did. The fucking... A lot of my money got lost in there. They had the big short, dude. Both of our fucking money is down the train because... Well, actually, I shorted the...

Oh, really? Yeah, so I'm actually... This is my last episode. Wait, so you're flush right now. Who would have thought that the ghost cities wouldn't come to, that they built million person cities and that no one ever lived in them

and that it came home to roost. It makes me want to short shit now. I'm dying to figure something out. I gotta figure out the next thing to short. I gotta figure out some way to get money because things are tight for me right now. You're becoming billionaires off shorting shit. Can we short like, what, Starbucks or something?

I'm on the opposite end where I'm not coming close to becoming, I'm coming close to having zero dollars. That's where I'm at. I'm about to short you. Yeah, you should. If anyone who's out there was looking to place a, I don't even know.

What's booming right now? How do you short something? Do you do it on like DraftKings? Yeah. Like, how does that work? DraftKing day trading? i don't even know how do you short something do you do it on like draft kings yeah like how does that work draft king day trading yeah they should have drafting day trading that we could just go on there and fucking short comedy can we short stand-up comedy yeah it's a fucking bubble right now it's about the pop it's really i'm i'm fucked like if this don't tell next week it has to go better than

anything i've ever done like it can't go mediocre because this is like my whole career is riding on this or else i'm fucked no that's the shit that francis would say and then he would just like get the biggest opportunities of his life like one week after he's like i think i'm gonna quit yeah yeah yeah he does do that i know i don't want to quit though. You're literally doing it though. No, but I don't want to. I'm just saying things are tight. I don't know where any of my money is. All my money's gone.

You're going to have to start coming into work at Barstool. Yeah. Oh, big time. Don't tell me it doesn't go good. You'll see me doing field day in a couple weeks. You're about to be blogging. Yeah, yeah. You're about to be doing the rat race fucking and like sweating.

Yeah. I'm going to be out in Chicago weekly. Three days in Chicago, two days in new york you're gonna be like a sleeper cell on survivor like sass i didn't think you were invited honestly the fact that i have this job is what's really holding it together i know we need to keep you in here i made 200 bucks last night and i was like that's huge that changes everything you're just tucking the napkin in your fucking shirt as you have a steak dinner. No, I'm not ordering food anymore. I'm just eating rotisserie chicken for every meal.

How long does one rotisserie last you? Two days, usually. At best. How many chickens do you think get killed a year? Million. Billions. 80 billion. Really?

80 billion. Yeah, that makes sense we were talking about this with greg olson the other day bat bat was like let's assume that it's 14 wings equals one chicken yeah it's like well every chicken has two wings yeah yeah yeah 14 wings is seven chickens yeah that's a lot no matter how you slice it that is crazy because you could just like you can just order like a hundred wings. Fifty chickens. Yeah.

You have to order a sandy hook of chickens. Yeah. That's a lot of fucking chickens. That's so many. And eggs too. You're eating their eggs. You're eating their babies. Eggs are, but like eggs are unfertilized.

You're eating their sweet babies. And no, egg will never be a, like a chicken egg is not ever going to be an adult. That's true. Supposedly. Like a chicken egg is like the most ethical meat that you can eat. Yeah. I think. Fish eggs.

But don't they become fish? I don't know. What's caviar? Whale eggs? I thought caviar was fish eggs. Caviar is trash. Have you ever had it? Yeah, I think.

It's trash. I just remember on the dash they asked me if I ever had caviar. And I was like, isn't had caviar and i was like isn't it spicy and everyone was like the funniest thing anyone's ever heard and i still don't know why caviar i still don't know why spicy it's not spicy okay so pretty i mean i'm sure there's someone has put some sort of spice on caviar before i went making it spicy i went and so maybe i had spicy caviar right is that that crazy i think it is crazy because usually they put uh well it doesn't fucking matter no it does i'd like to know but i mean you probably haven't

had spicy caviar but like it also is not like a shameful thing to not have had like the most rare and expensive food in the world yeah okay so then i've never had caviar but they serve it with fucking chips like kettle chips and sour cream which are two of the cheapest ingredients and you have to have a lot of kettle cook kettle chips and a lot of sour cream to make caviar taste good which is like you're having something so expensive and you have to drown it in cheap shit to make it palatable it's fucking it doesn't make a lick of sense yeah i guess i've never had caviar it sucks is it is it it's whale eggs i think it's whale eggs i don't think it is because it's beluga beluga caviar it's whale eggs

oh okay sturgeon because that would make sense yeah oh that's sturgeon and non-sturgeon because yeah whale eggs would be way bigger than that whale eggs i'd imagine the size of like a baseball look this is beluga caviar and uh ew beluga is a whale i don't want whale eggs yeah because i've seen salmon eggs before why don't you want whale eggs i've seen i've seen salmon eggs before and that's what they that's what they look like they put that shit on sushi yeah that shit's garbage that yeah yeah it does not make it any better that's like like when i go fishing i sometimes you'll use an egg pattern and it's just like that it's just like the eggs of other fish

yeah fish eat eggs fishy fish eggs oh all the time cannibals one of the more common things that they eat salmon steelhead please really you're gonna want to get it you're gonna want to get an egg pattern out there really going salmon fishing i love steelhead or steelhead trout i don't know what steelhead steelhead is like a combination of salmon and trout you can get to the bottom of it. Steelhead. I don't know what the difference is between a rainbow trout and a steelhead. I believe it's something in their head.

Steelhead or occasionally steelhead trout is the andromedous form of the coastal rainbow trout. So it is a trout or a Colombian river river red band trout red band shout out red band so it's not so it has nothing to do with salmon okay interesting you live you learn but trout and salmon have a similar consistency yeah flesh wise yeah yeah yeah we we've gone on like seven fishing twitter is about to be on my ass about that we were touching on a couple other things that I wanted to talk about

we had a lot of topics going I've forgotten them we've been jumping around I know like house of pain I'm gonna pop into Lucy's breakers real quick wait put

break it into the it's a personal personal endorsement break it in I wanna hear the pop too late bro it already popped it's like a tennis match yeah sounds like anna burner versus julio gallarotti my two best tennis comedian friends it's a deep cut if you

know tennis comedians then you know these two yeah or paddle comedians then andrew schultz francis ellis yeah true i saw andrew schultz was uh he was summering up in that in the hamptons i think so i'm gonna be summering in manhattan this year you're gonna be summering in the west village yeah not to dox you totally fine bro which is fine that emily radich kowski and fucking sash won't be far behind sash will be in her wake i wonder if she does you think she knows that we talk about her Weekly on every single episode Someone put it up Someone put up the flare

Really? No no I'm telling them now Let Radek Schakowsky know I don't know if I want to Cross paths with that fanbase Why? With the Emily Radek Schakowsky

Fanbase Horny dudes True That is probably mostly Do you think that it's like Girls being like She's queen She's fucking

She's mother Yeah I don't think she's mother i think julia fox's mother yeah she has like a cult fan base julia fox just ate azalea banks alive the other day they going at it they were because azalea banks is always going at someone she went at julia fox i think she called her a drug addict and then fox pulled receipts oh i saw that i saw that yeah about her asking for drugs yeah yeah and she was like i just i deleted all my dealer's numbers when my friend had an overdose but let me ask around yeah yeah and that was her eating her alive and then she was asking for free hotel rooms say it ain't so i saw that as well azalea banks broke ass we're tapped in the girl network. People don't know that we're fucking tapped into the girl network as much as anything.

I keep up. Should we talk about the- With Femoy. Femoy. Femoy. Femoy. Should we talk about the Vanderpump episode three of the reunion while we're at it? I don't know anything about that.

Okay. You're not tapped in girl network? No, I'm not at all. But the crazy thing about me, bro, I'll talk sports as much as i'll talk girl i'm fluent in both i can talk mandarin and cantonese if you know what i mean i know what you mean you swing both ways you putt from the rough i'm gay i'm gay is what i'm saying i uh yeah no i haven't really been keeping up with the girl network at all i've been mostly just tapped into seinfeld lately going. Going through a big Seinfeld kick. Yeah. On season four.

Shrinkage. Yeah. It's a good show. Jerry's boss. It's a fun show. Oh, very fun. Very fun. Easy.

Light. Light and easy. They never really tackled anything. No, there's really no like sad or dumb episodes. It's not like Fresh Prince or some shit. Like Boy Meets world where they like they

like tackle death racism or like domestic abuse i like when people don't when they don't tackle things like they tackle like a modern family it's like the first three seasons of modern family are as funny as any other show yeah it's hilarious but then at the end of the episodes they're like and that's when we realize that nothing is more important than family. A modern family. Like some dumb shit like that. Just have a gay character. Why did you have to ruin the episode with this dumbass fucking outro? Don't make the episode gay.

Just have a gay character. It's way more, I think it tackles it way better to just have the characters in there and make them normal. Instead of being like like this is what the gay the gay man goes i think you just got to pick your lane are you gonna be making a comedy are you making a fucking sappy show and i wasn't trying to learn about life from boy meets world whenever i was watching boy meets world they're like well sean like this is what happens in an interracial relationship well boy meets world is like the they gotta that's gotta be like the original show to do that to tackle issues to tackle issues they were always tackling they couldn't stop tackling issues it was fucking uh blutman's dad that was worse than girl meets world

they tackle shit oh every episode is just be careful because now you're talking about family why daniel official you guys friends of course boy meets world's great girl meets world's ass no yeah that show sucks ass oh you can't say that that's like there's like an episode where like she gets like a subway pass for the first time and the dad's like crying or some shit he's like my little girl's taking the subway that would be horrifying there's got to be nothing more horrifying as a parent to send your child on a subway by themselves

when they're like 11. You're just pissed she's riding on the subway. What is that, Sabrina Carpenter? Isn't that who's in Girl Meets World? Come on, bro.

Yes. Come on, bro. What's up with that thing, too? Well, we don't want to get into that territory because that's like, she's got a lot of big fans. Yeah, she rules.

But she's always doing that thing at the end where she's like 18 inches in my pussy feel like nothing i asked him do you have any more stuff in it's all i see is clips he said that he was hung but he was bluffing that's all i see is clips of her talking about massive dicks being inside of her did you hear and they're catchy i love it they're good she kills it in every city did you see that girl veronica the night um uh-oh low battery the award show well first off um i can't believe that we're uncalled for, daddy. When he hits it, yeah, I'm a little baddie. That's hilarious. That's really funny.

That shit's amazing. She's so funny. That other girl's Alex Cooper is amazing. She's a spot on impression. Dude, they should have told us to fucking emulate the Alex Cooper model. Yeah, but I don't really know how we would do with that. Talk dick. Yeah, but they didn't,

like she doesn't talk dick anymore. That's old, that's old school. Walk me through. Yeah. Just figuring out what she's going to say as she says it. I love people who are just like

stumble into success, but then act like they work really hard. Do you think that she enjoys that though? Like she, it's probably way more fun just talking cock. She probably enjoys that 60 mil and not being with sophia franklin anymore

yeah but she probably enjoyed hanging out with sophia franklin and just talking dick all day and now she's got to go on and like have john mayer come and just like sing her a song yeah poor girl there awkwardly no i don't i'm pretty sure that she's i don't think there's anything more uncomfortable than hearing someone play music one-on-one. You're like, ah. Well, you don't know where to look. It's like if I stared at you and just did my 10 minutes right in front of you. I would not be able to make eye contact. I'd be looking. But at least with comedy, I mean, with music, you don't have to laugh.

With music, you just have to listen. But it's so long. So awkward. Music, it just never ends. Music is so long. Music needs to be way shorter. Like imagine being the first dude to ever hear Stairway to Heaven. And he's just like, holy fuck, this is never going to end.

It's like a 12-minute song. I'm going up the stairway, it's to heaven. I asked how many inches, he said seven. I said, why can't you give me full 11 do you think anyone's gonna understand this i don't know if our fans are tapped carpenter this shit is universal this shit is you know because there's like compilations of her doing it in every city i saw her do it at coachella and then i saw her do it at snl and i snl i watched i watched that shit live i came home from uh some spots on a saturday and it was on tv this is when you're done drinking this is

you you're finished drinking at this point this was like two weeks ago right right right i just want to make sure you weren't drunk and furiously masturbating to her fucking sandwich. Oh, no, no, God, no. I was watching out of just pure curiosity. Right. And then I saw her do it there, and she said something. I think she broke some rules. They're calling her the Shane Gillis of the music world. Yeah, Shane Gillis is the male Taylor Swift, and she is the female Shane Gillis.

Because Shane said retard on TV, and then she did her thing about getting fucked. I'm up here on Saturday night live. It's pretty interesting. I like it. It's fun. You know? Yeah. It's harmless. It's harmless. She's talking about getting dick. I'm sure there's a lot of people that are furious

about it. Not us. We're supportive. Yeah. She should come on the podcast honestly. Clear the air that's our sister yeah well you said her show sucks take that back well her show sucks ass but her music's phenomenal her music rules and her show is in her show is awesome yeah don't fucking say that about her show well i liked the original better boy meets world i watched the entire show when i was very young it would be scary to have your kid go on the subway, though. It would be horrifying.

So that's a good premise for an episode. Yeah. So you do like the show. You appreciate it. It's just not for you. Yeah. It's not. Who is it for?

Parents? It's for little girls. I know. Well, little girls are watching that show being like, well, I'm really loving this scene where the dad's crying because his daughter is going on the subway. Girls like to see their dads cry. No, it's literally for parents to be like, that's true.

That is sad. That's scary. That's good. That's good shit. I think that you should just shut the fuck up about it being a bad show. I don't think they really... Are they making good kids shows these days? What's around nowadays?

Henry Danger? Is Henry Danger still on TV? I think Sabrina Carpenter was on that too. You're not familiar with Henry Danger? I don't know it. He's a superhero. Really? On Disney.

That was a little past my prime. I probably shouldn't know about that. Henry Danger, he's a superhero. See, my problem was that I watched Disney watched disney until probably i was 18 because i had little sisters and they would watch it like me and my little sister watched the entirety of h2o a show about mermaids i was in high school and i would be like don't go ahead without me i'd be like i gotta go to i gotta go to track practice i swear to god if you watch an episode while i'm gone i'm gonna be furious be furious. You run home at 3.30?

Yeah. What time is the show on? No, we watched it on like Netflix. Oh, really? We watched the entire show. And I would be like pissed when I was like, you jumped ahead.

My sister was like eight. That's hilarious. That's something wrong with you. That was a good show. And also the girls in it were super hot oh yeah of course lemonade mouth was a movie right and it was about uh it was about like a band they were like the they were like the punk band they were like modern day nirvana yeah but they had like a whole like their school was like you can't be making these crazy songs anymore and then they had a whole thing it was like they were like rebels it, like their school was like, you can't be making these crazy songs anymore.

And then they had a whole thing. It was like, they were like rebels. It was like Wolverines. You ever see Red Dawn? Yeah, of course. It was very much like that. Of course. Wolverines.

Yeah, I saw Lemonade Mouth a bunch. I saw Teen Beach Movie. That was a classic in the house. We watched that. Are these Disney movies? Yeah, Teen Beach movie we saw. I probably saw that movie 900 times. I had a generational difference in Disney movies.

Yeah, but I saw all the old stuff too. What was the one about the two basketball player sisters? I don't know. Double team. Yeah, that one ruled. When I think of basketball movies on Disney, I think of the one where the kid's a leprechaun. Yeah, that one's awesome.

Luck of the Irish. Luck of the Irish is a great one. Full Corps Miracle, that's a Jewish one. The Brink was the skating one. Did you ever watch that one? I think, yeah. You were on the track team? For two years, yeah.

What did you run? Jav. You ran Jav? I threw Jav. Nuh-uh. Well, it was fun the first year the first year was a blast the first year it was just like a lot of dudes who were not athletic we had like two athletic guys on the team who were like amazing at throwing jav and then everyone else was just

like fucking around and it was really fun and then the second year we had a new coach and he was a hard ass and it was like we were like training to throw jab. And I think I quit halfway through the season. So I was like, this is insane. I got to take this real quick. I'm sorry. All good. I'll solo cast. We'll do a little solo casting here.

I, uh, I'm on the Lucy breakers. And the fun thing about the Lucy breakers is that you could projectile vomit at any moment. They keep you on your toes. See, that's the problem with, I like them. They're better than any other pouches that I've done, but I'm just not like the pouches are tough. So you're just injecting nicotine into your body for 30 minutes at a time. When the jewel was just, it was a quick punch, quick hit. And I enjoyed it. Should I be solo casting right now? Is this something that we're doing? Are we just going to cut all this? All right, guys, let's talk about BetterHelp. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. When life

goes so fast, it's important to take a moment to celebrate your wins and make adjustments for the rest of the year. Therapy can help you take stock of your progress and set achievement goals for the next six months. Of course, I've benefited from therapy and i've specifically benefited from better help me as well yeah i just love that they kind of come to you they meet you where you're at not just on a therapeutic level but on you know you you can do it off your phone level on a spiritual level on an emotional level on a athletic level um i'm playing one-on-one with my therapist every time and that's a metaphor exactly because you can just sit down you do it on your phone you do it uh via text you do it uh via audio

there's a million different ways but do it while in the bathroom exactly be in therapy while you're taking a crap and they don't take any crap over at better help no they do not some of the best in the business if you're thinking of taking therapy give better BetterHelp a try. It is entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire and get matched with a licensed therapist. Switch therapist anytime for no additional charge. Take a moment. Visit betterhelp.com slash sun today and get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash sun. All right Alrighty, let's talk about FitBod. Whether you're a seasoned gym goer or just starting your life, you're just starting your-

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Add FitBot to your workout essentials. Join FitBot today to get your personalized workout plan. Get 25% off your subscription or try the app for free at fitbot.me. That's F-I-T-B-O-T.M-E. Slash boy dad. Be a better you this summer with Babbel, the science-backed language learning app that actually works. Muy bien. I'm thinking about learning Japanese this summer because I'm ready to say ni hao to a new me. Ni hao ma to a new me. Babbel's quick 10-minute lessons are designed by over 150 language experts to help you start speaking a new language in as few as three weeks babbles designed by real people for real conversations and i'm thinking about learning italian this summer as well wow andiamo alore alore alore a babble will be my

partner to babbling on in a beautiful romance language. One study found that using Babble for 15 hours is equivalent to a full semester at college. And I'm trying to learn Chinese this summer, so I'm thinking about saying shee-hee to these nice lessons that they have taught me. Oh, I want to say shee-hee to this great deal. Shee-hee-nee. Here's a special limited time deal for our listeners right now. Get 55% off your Babbel subscription, but only for our listeners at babbel.com slash sun. Get 55% off at babbel.com slash sun.

That's B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash sun. Rules and restrictions may apply. Great. Great work. great great work I don't know what else to talk about it's tough to solo cast let's plug my dates I'm going to be in LA next week

I'm doing Comedy Store, it's sold out don't ask me for tickets I can't get any more tickets then I'm going to be a Brea Improv on Friday next week. A lot of tickets left for that. That will probably not sell out because it's like a 600 person room. So get your tickets for that. And then I'm doing my Don't Tell set on Saturday in San Diego, which I just got the venue information for. And it's inside, which I'm pumped about because outside I'm not a fan of. Explain why.

Break down room heights. Outside, you don't know where the, you can't really hear the laughter and inside you can. But yeah, I'm pumped that like Francisis was outside and it looked cool but it looks scary i don't like doing outside rooms me neither oh it's just the elements i need a ceiling yeah we're doing something to bounce ideas off i got my don't tell uh the venue that we're doing it at it's outside it's inside thank god which i'm pumped about that would have been brutal to do but they're probably gonna dress it up a bunch because it's just like a empty room what do you mean like fake it's like a wedding it's like somewhere like that like a wedding dinner would be it's like a big empty room and how many people are you expecting

i have no i don't know anything but it's not on you to sell the tickets no who are the other comics i don't know you have no idea no clue no i think there's two tapings mine's at 9 30 damn that's good though yeah it's better than the only one actually i guess 9 30 is not terrible 30 is perfect but where do you want to go in the in the list though middle of the six if i have to go first i'll kill myself that would be so shitty that would suck so much if you were to go yeah just uh you gotta you gotta fake something if you're if you gotta go first like a disease or reason you're late mental mental breakdown mental breakdown is a good idea you got to yeah going first would be awful oh that's just a new nightmare that is unlocked or last oh no first or last i had to go last for my jfl audition and it was that's why you didn't get it i was the 30th

comedian to go up that's why you didn't get it well i didn't get it because they went out of business but i well you weren't gonna get it anyway dude there was literally because it's five minute sets and there's like the show is like two hours long i was literally because it's five minute sets. And there's like, the show is like two hours long. I was literally like 25th on the lineup. People just don't feel like laughing anymore after that. No, you've laughed. After the third comedian, you're like, okay. I'm having fun, but I could leave and be satisfied.

Right. You don't want to buy into a new person. Like get introduced and like make up your mind whether you think they're funny. That's why it's nice to go to a comedian you know because you've already like bought in knowing that they're funny it's not like there's this period of having to like agree with what they're saying yeah that's why i love having a fucking stock pond on the road that means a home audience for me fish in a barrel. Stocked pond would be huge.

It would be awesome if I showed up to my don't tell and it was just all dudes with backwards hats on. What's up, sass? Where's big cat? Perfect. Just be rubbing your hands like Birdman, fired up. You need a stocked pond. The problem is when that happens is then I go up and then I get off and you just see them all slowly all slowly shuffling leaving and a problem for you sounds like it's

a problem for whatever fucking uh trans comics coming after you all right we can't be saying that why because there's absolutely going to be like six trans comics on this lineup what did i say that was against trans comics you said it's their problem i think the trans community has enough to worry about i don't think i need to be causing more problems for them i don't think you are causing problems for them but you're insinuating that i'm going to if your stocked pond fucking swims away if my stocked pond rolls up and then they all leave yeah but that's not fucking that's nothing against trans people that was like like, I did a show last, I did my show last night and someone DMed me and they were like, best set of the night.

And I was like, yeah, because that was the only set you watched. Yeah. I went up and then as soon as I leave, a bunch of people leave. No, everybody was like, Sass is so funny. You should stay for the whole show. No matter what. Yeah. Even if it's an open mic.

Yeah. Well. You have to. I used to leave open mics early all the time. That's probably why your karma of fucking not getting JFL and New Faces is fucking not hitting. I don't think I have karma. I tried out for JFL three times. Most people auditioned for it like 30 times.

And the people who get it are the people who stayed to the end of the open mic. There are ESL brothers and sisters who stuck around. You're not wrong. The ESL brothers and sisters stayed till the end. Oh, man. That's a fucking fact. I just got my first tummy ache from the pouches. I'm just going to go buy jewel pods as soon as I leave here.

Fuck. Are you going to shit it out? is that why you just shit after yesterday's show? no did I shit after yesterday's show? yeah when? you ran in holding your butt

no I went and peed at your butt? no you had a butt pee it's the oral fixation that's the problem that's what you're addicted to so you're constantly reaching for something. Why don't you just get the water one?

I've tried those. You think they're just like soft? They just, they taste awful. Like water? There's no, first of all, there's no water ones. What is it then? They have like no nicotine vapes. But then you're like, well, this is probably just as bad.

Like the nicotine is not the problem. It's not like the nicotine is the problem that's the unhealthy part it's the chemicals so you're just getting the chemicals with no nicotine yeah i guess that's worse but uh it would i mean like you know jerry's vapes are no nicotine really yeah because he's an addict yeah so he's just like puffing on not. Yeah. He's just hitting non nicotine vapes like constantly every day. Cause he has oral fixation. Yeah. That's healthy. Have you been following Jerry's, uh, his like ideas about, uh. Yeah. And I'm right behind him. I'm all on that. I just took all my money out of the bank. I'm taking all mine. I don't even know where my money is right now. My, my business manager has taken taken hold of it you should tell his ass to take it out of the bank if he's really a business

manager he will help you avoid this impending crash i don't think i think we're getting attacked cyberly cyberly yeah it's a new word where are we who's doing it though china obviously why the fuck would china do it to us they already got us with TikTok. Yeah, so they're in. And now they're going to get us even harder. Why wouldn't someone attack us from the other side? Russia. I don't think Russia has the strength to do that. I don't think Russia's military is as powerful as people think it is.

What? I think China's easily... You know that Russia is destroying Ukraine right now. No, Russia's tied with Ukraine and they should be demolishing Ukraine. No, they are demolishing them no you're listening to u.s propaganda they're smoking ukraine dude if you if russia was smoking ukraine the war would have been over by now it's been going on for what three years but we're giving them uh like hundreds of billions of dollars at a time and they're still smoking them it's we're

giving israel hundreds of billions of dollars at a time. And like, and Israel smoking, like Israel's killing everybody. It's true. Is that their, that's their strategy is just kill anything that moves. Isn't that kind of like the U S is strategy too though? Yes. Like what Israel is doing is crazy, but is it surprising?

Like it's exactly what we do. Yeah. Like we were like someone in this region did nine 11. Everyone dies. Everyone's dying. And's like americans over there with like like uh patagonia vests and the fucking icelandic backpacks yeah what's that whistle coming out yeah well they're like it's like they're blowing up like weddings and funerals and shit but like america american citizens were like killed as collateral oh yeah well he's just like yeah fuck them that's not surprising of course so you think they're not going to kill some

foreign citizens they don't give a fuck yeah they don't give a shit at all but yeah the ukraine's getting smoked bro sad to say are they i have a i i got a massage probably eight months ago from a woman who is Ukrainian and she was so fucking pissed the entire time. She was just wrecking my fucking back. Was that a good massage? No, it sucked because she was, I made the mistake of asking her what was going on. She was like, I hate Russians. I hate Putin. I wish death on him.

If I ever saw Putin, I'd kill him myself. Really? She was so mad. Like, I thought it was, if you're in the US, you're just like, you're chilling. him myself. Really? She was so mad. Like, I thought it was, if you're in the U.S., you're just like, you're chilling, you don't care. She was so mad. She said she, like, ran into a Russian friend of hers and it ruined her day. Just because she couldn't even fucking bear the sight of a Russian in America. Damn.

That's kind of how we were when Japan bombed Pearl Harbor. Right. Put them in internment camps. Yeah. They hated the Japanese then. Yeah. And then we killed all of them in internment camps yeah we hated they hated the japanese then yeah and then we killed all of japan internment camps is crazy japan blew up a military base and we decided to blow up the biggest city in japan or not the biggest city tokyo is the biggest city yeah and kyoto that guy's that guy went on his honeymoon to kyoto so we saved yeah yeah yeah but uh yeah they they wrecked it but uh it seems like the japanese

weren't even that mad about internment camps now they were probably more mad about the fact that we blew up hiroshima hiroshima but i'm saying like the jap japanese in america you know how they took all i'm sure they were pretty pissed I'm sure they were not happy about that. But like, you don't hear about it as much as you hear about the concentration camps that the Jewish had to endure. Well, because we didn't kill 6 million Japanese. Right. But still, I mean, they literally put them in camps.

Yeah, but that's happened a lot throughout history, hasn't it? Yeah, camps. Yeah. Summer camps. Yeah, I think it's just the Jews are, it was way more. Yeah. It was like most of the Jews died. Yeah.

There's not a lot of Jewish people. Well, let's, we're not positive. Let's ask War Mode about it on Monday. Yeah. We're kind of, we're prepping. We're setting the. We're setting the table for it. But they, how many Jewish people are there even in the world anymore?

It's only like a couple of million. It's only like what, 20 million? Yeah. I think fewer than 20. Becauseler killed all of us sorry i don't i don't know if using the word us offends you there yeah jewish using the word hitler does yeah you don't say his fucking name yeah he killed most of the jews how many people you think voldemort killed to the point where like the harry potter world wouldn't say his name it's at least six million you think so no i don't even think so i don't think voldemort was even really doing that bad i don't think he's that bad killed like harry potter's parents i think that

the like wizarding world was a little bit soft i think they were really like big ass pussies like because like people say hitler's name and at the time you said hitler's name yeah it was like on the front page of the newspaper. Yeah, Hitler's dead. Or even Hitler storms into- It wasn't like he's dead. Poland. Yeah.

He who must not be named storms into Poland. Yeah. It's like you said their name. These wizards are fucking cowards. One, they couldn't band together and take him down, and they literal magic. And two, they wouldn't even say his name, which just further cements them as pussies. They should go back to just breaking news only in newspapers and like speeches. Because that was like, dude, getting the newspaper that morning, like opening up your door and having Hitler's dead on your doorstep must have been insane.

Or not even on your doorstep. You have to like go to the newspaper stand. Everyone's like huddled around yeah you're like oh there's a certain buzz in the city today the evening edition just came out yeah extra extra read all about it yeah nazi empire falls in germany yeah that's gotta be all that's why there was like parades and shit on the street when wars ended right now it's just like low-t tribes in the amazon i was like jack mack is breaking the news for you yeah or why it's not news yeah or how it didn't actually happen yeah it would be great if they

went back to newspapers like that a good speech i'm a guy i'm going through a big speech phase and i need more i love that you love it i was in the airport the other day and i stumbled into a store that was like all magazines it's like who is this for no one who is fucking buying magazines nobody it's fucking crazy there's like there was walls and walls of magazines who is buying magazines in terms of an entertainment standpoint though it must have been a lot more ideal because it was like if you're going to the airport if you're flying and you're like oh i'm gonna grab the paper for my flight if you lost the paper you just get another paper it's not like now where it's like i need my phone and if you lose your phone you're fucked yeah you're scrambling

yeah and i didn't realize how dependent i was on my phone until verizon was hacked when we were in chicago until jerry was right yeah i was texting everyone i know being like is verizon out for you and everyone was like no well because your texts probably weren't even going through i know that was crazy you're probably texting like a china you're probably just getting chinese characters back my my verizon went out everything seems fine i don't know what you're talking about luckily my verizon went out right when i got in the uber so i had a way to get home but if i didn't have i don't know how i would have gotten home yeah you would have been fucked yeah without your verizon i would have been going up to people and be on hey where's the citizen m like that's crazy take a yellow cab yeah have you noticed that the only cars that exist anymore are like four colors white black gray and

silver no i haven't noticed that at all because i've gotten picked up by like blue and red cars constantly i think i took a red uber here no you didn't yes i did no you didn't yeah No, I haven't noticed that at all because I've gotten picked up by blue and red cars constantly. I think I took a red Uber here. No, you didn't. Yes, I did. No, you didn't. Yeah. Actually, no, I took a train here.

Exactly. Silver. There's red cars. There's blue cars. There's those blue Teslas. Yeah, but that's like a yellow taxi. These are like the Revel ones, you mean? Yeah.

Those are intentionally blue, so they stand out. I'm talking about consumer bought cars. How much is this Tesla, this black Tesla? Why should we cop one? Cause every Uber driver has one now. I'm getting picked up in like a nice ass black text Tesla every day. Are they like, uh, are they subsidizing the Teslas i wonder like is uber paying for part of it or like helping your down payment or like putting your loan like giving you a loan and you like work it off through uber or some shit i don't know but i think there is a thing going on where uber drivers like share cars with each other because i got in uber when i was in chicago last time when i was doing zany's i had to uber from rosemont to

downtown and the uber driver picked us up in this like crazy sports car and he was like i borrow this is my friend's car just borrow it are you allowed to do that probably i would have ratted on him like you ratting on the fucking people going through walls and call of duty wall hacking we call that but they're not going through them they can see through them so they see when you're about to turn the corner i don't care that much it's a big problem it's out of control just as much as i kind of as the term i would use indicates and they pride themselves on this ricochet anti-hacking software and it does nothing they banned 6 000 accounts and then it came out that the number of people that have this, just one. It's probably 6 million.

No, they said that they banned 6,000 people and they were like, huge step in the right direction. And then it came out that they're in a lawsuit, Activision's in a lawsuit with this company that provides, a hack provider software. And they said that 78,000 people downloaded it. That's hilarious. And that's only one. That's hilarious. And there's probably like 500 000 people that even play the game that's like whenever joe biden's like we're gonna forgive 5 000 student loans yeah exactly that's like well you know that 50 million people have student loans yeah exactly

we're giving back a hundred thousand dollars to 5000 people. Did you see that old video of Biden, that like old Biden interview that's going around? Which one? It's just like some of him talking. If you don't vote for me, you ain't black. No, he was talking about Bill Clinton and how good of a president Bill Clinton is. Was he wrong?

No. Bill Clinton was the best president. That we've ever had. Remember how like a couple years ago people started to uh like uh lionize ronald reagan and people were like reagan's the fucking best oh yeah reagan merch i think we're right at that point for bill clinton where we just have to like start making bill clinton merch you think i think so i don't know bill clinton that epstein shit is kind of holding him back holding back his legacy yeah they're actually tarnishing him with that yeah they said you see that trump said that he's going to release the logs he's going to he's going to release the

documents he's going to release alien like what's happening with aliens he's really he said he's releasing everything if it becomes president yeah but he said that last time about aliens and it never happened he made some progress how because now they're saying that ufos are real who's saying that let's come that came out a couple months ago oh that one guy in congress yeah yeah but that was like he was like i can't say anything about that i don't know i don't really keep up it was some bullshit he was like just testifying in front of congress and i don't know sounded like some bullshit i'm ready for clinton to be fucking to be heralded yeah and i don't care what he did on the island i mean the island was a false flag it is crazy that all this shit happens and you just

no one can know about it just because like three people are like nah don't tell them yeah like the 9-11 commission report have you did you ever try to read that i've never i've tried to read all of this shit and then you open it up and it's like 8 000 pages it's insane which they do that on purpose and yeah there's like really only like two pages that you need to read but you can't find all but all of it's like that literally has lines through it it's like redacted blacked out everything's redacted to do that yeah i think it's just one dude yeah like nope they don't have to read this like how can you even know enough to black the shit out i don't think they do i think it's just people get off on

knowing things that other people don't know that's something i realized like most of the world is operated by like your day-to-day you're just trying to find out stuff that other people don't know but at the same time though the people who love to know stuff that other people don't know there's also a great joy in telling people that stuff gossiping that's like this whole like that whole uta meeting we had yeah the day before i'm texting everyone i know i'm like what's this meeting about what's going on and everybody'd love to tell you like don't tell anyone but this is it and then you're like i could have just waited four hours to find out when Dave tells us. But there's some people that are just like the mouth of information.

Yeah, you've got to know. That love to run an information network and like nothing is safe to tell them. Yeah. That's why working in the government must be awesome because you just know everything. But you don't or like so few people do. You have to like work your ass off in a fucking bureaucratic bullshit job for fucking. To get clearance. To get that sweet clearance.

Which Oppenheimer doesn't even have anymore. Really? Because he's dead. Oh, yeah. But he didn't. They took it away. Those vicious. Those vicious.

Because he was a communist. Oh, supposedly. Well, he admitted to it. No, he said he'd never been a communist. He never was in the party. But he like humored their ideas. No, he entertained them. He entertained them.

He listened. Yeah, you entertain communists all the time with your little Brooklyn shows. I don't do shows in Brooklyn. Oh, yeah. I should. You should. To get ready for this Don't Tell set, because that's probably going to be a big Samoan crowd. You should hone your shit in Brooklyn.

I know some mics I could hook you up with out there. Actually, I'm doing a show in Brooklyn on Saturday. saturday really yeah where at i don't know i'm about to bring my mom through yeah she coming into sound of course you're spending a lot of time with your family lately really i haven't seen my family in fucking months or maybe it was your wife's family or no maybe that maybe that was KB. Yeah. KB was with his family. Yeah, yeah. Different guy. I was going to say, I thought last weekend you were with your family.

Last weekend I was in Chicago with you. Yes, that's true. The weekend before that I was on the bachelor party. I've been burning at both ends, brother. Yeah. So I'm sick as a fucking dog. I can tell. You look like shit.

I feel like shit. No, you look fine. I literally feel like shit now you look fine i literally feel like shit i wake up like gasping for air yeah you took a while to get back to me about when we were recording and then i had to play call of duty and ruin my entire day i know that's low-key my fault i feel fucking bad about it what else can we fucking riff on are we done i don't know what are we at we're done awesome people hate when we ask where we're at and then we keep going so it's good when we ask where we're at and we're past where we need to be it's great it's great it's a gift to the people ads all right thank you guys for listening

we will see you next tuesday we'll be back to normal schedule good classes in brooklyn there's i already did all my brother did all my plugs when you stepped out. Oh you did? Yeah. I solo casted. You have nothing to plug right now.

All right. Thank you.