Son of a Boy Dad - Honey Scoping ft. Paul Bissonnette - Son of a Boy Dad: Ep. #108

Episode Date: April 4, 2023

Indictment, honey scoping, and Biz. Ads: Gametime - Download the Gametime app or go to https://barstool.link/GametimeApp, enter your email, and redeem code BOYDAD for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply).You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, son of a boy dad listeners. You can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Alrighty. all righty welcome back to son of a boy dad podcast why did you wait till there's food in your mouth um let me hear that boy digest you just put it up to your throat. Chick-fil-A is so good. I know. I heard that like 60% of all meals consumed in the U.S. are Chick-fil-A. Really?

No, that's not possible. How? I don't know. It just isn't. It doesn't feel like it sometimes, though. Everybody you know is eating it at all times. I never ate it until I came here, and I still don't really eat it that much. But everyone here eats it, and then I see it sometimes. I saw Brandon eating it, and I was like't really eat it that much, but everyone here eats it.

And then I see it sometimes, like I saw Brandon eating it and I was like, I got to get some Chick-fil-A. Yeah, it's a gateway drug to more Chick-fil-A. It's so good, dude. Something about it like doesn't feel as bad as normal fast food either. I know. Like a chicken sandwich from Chick-fil-A, you're like, this is just a little treat. I heard chickens are super intelligent too. Yeah, they probably are.

They probably use like whatever, whatever, grass-fed or some shit. I don't know what the chicken, what they eat, seeds. We're here in the studio. Make sure you subscribe to the podcast before we get into things. Roan and I are going to be in Austin. Yes, I can't wait. Tickets are on sale for that. Yeah.

People are hitting me up. They're like, is this real? Is this a typo? Yeah. We're going to be performing at Cap City on April 21st in Austin. Yeah, 10 o'clock show or some shit like that. 10 o'clock, 10.30. Live podcast. Day after 4.20.

I don't really know what we're going to do, but we'll figure it out. It'll be fun. First day of tourist season. I think be fun. First day of Taurus season. I think it's the first day of Taurus season. I'm pretty sure that it goes from Aries to Taurus right on that day. That'll be great. It's going to be a fun time. What do you think we're going to do?

What do you think we're going to talk about? I have no idea. You want to do like a live podcast or like a tarot card reading or like a fucking... Yeah, maybe. Everybody in the audience submits pictures of themselves and we roast them or like fucking I don't know. I haven't seen a live podcast. The only live podcast I've ever seen were

KFC radio. I've seen them like twice and then I saw when you did Matt and Shane. Have you ever seen Gangs of New York, that movie? No. There's like a vaudeville show but it's basically like a live podcast where a dude's like uh it's like a vaudeville show but it's basically like a live podcast where a dude's like fucking standing in front of a target and someone's this dude is throwing

butcher knives yeah or like it's like a magician's assistant like words by him or some shit like that magic yeah or just throwing butcher knives at each other i mean we can really do anything yeah i think we can have people on. We can do any... I mean, should we record it? Yes. And put it out? We could record it and decide if we put it out because I think this is fair that we say this to everybody.

70% chance that it sucks. Yeah. That's generous. Yeah. It'll be fun. It'll be a good time. I mean, we can have... We'll have other... There's going to be a bunch a good time I mean we can have we'll have other

there's gonna be a bunch of comics down there so we can have people on um it'll be fun it'll be fun you guys have done live spots yeah this shit is

you did Boston yeah Boston we prepared for it and made it we prepared and it made it better but I you know what I mean do you want to prepare something

yeah we definitely should a script yeah it's very awkward going up there and having nothing to talk about even a prep sheet especially because like right now like if we were doing this like no one's laughing yet you haven't said anything funny you know what i mean i know you're when you're listening to a podcast you're really listening for like one good bit and then you're like that was a good episode yeah you're not yeah yeah you're not like it's not like it's like a stand-up set where you're just there's just jokes the whole time i know it's a different medium yeah

that's why i don't understand how people can well i'm happy that people are going to come to our live podcast i think it's going to be great yeah i think it'll sell out very fast i'm gonna i'm gonna come down what day is it the The 21st. Friday? Yes. So I'm going to fly down Thursday, stay for that Friday, and I'm going to go back on Saturday. Okay. Is that okay? Yeah, I'll be there Wednesday to Sunday. Jesus Christ.

Yeah. How many spots you have? I don't know. I haven't really gotten the schedule yet. I saw I was on like a couple. And how much skadoosh are we getting paid? Not a ton. Because it's a part of the festival, you get paid like the festival amount.

So is it good publicity? You don't get paid like based off of ticket sales. Is it good publicity or what's the... Yeah, I mean, it'll be fun. We have a lot of people out in Austin that will come see us. Yeah? Yeah. Do you think that we should do this more often or do you think that it's like, how did this come to be? We got the offer to do it.

I mean, I think if it goes well, yeah, definitely. I got some fucking beef jerky in my teeth, bro. Don't look at me. Dude, that beef jerky is good, but the sodium. Yeah, I just saw it. It's like 1,000 grams of sodium in like one beef jerky stick. And I got the massive one. They trick you

with the with the high protein low calories you know what the fuck it is bro we're eating salt out here who gives a fuck yeah sodium still tasty delicious and it's protein um i needed a jam-packed fucking injection of protein into my life hell yeah for my fucking gains yeah so i could get fucking jacked yeah me too yeah i need to get jacked yeah we'll do that so we'll we'll do that show i think it's gonna be a good time we'll have some people come on who the fuck is gonna come on you keep on talking about these people coming on who's gonna come on every single person in new york is there like give it all the like i don't know we'll find someone to join us we'll find someone funnier than

us to come and make that's what i mean like we need to fucking we'll get someone on i need that peace of mind beforehand there's gonna be look well you want me to pull it up right now yeah yeah look at this who's gonna be there look at the list let's see who's gonna be in uh in austin let's see moon tower where are we staying we should get like a boho chic we should get like a boho chic airbnb that we could stay at um all right let's see oh my buddy marcello's gonna be there from snl he won't do it right that's what i mean like these are names he's probably not allowed to do it he's seth myers will be there we could have seth on he loves the pod seth seth myers yeah there's one seth that

we're ever gonna have on this pod he's got long hair yeah he'll be there right isn't he going down for that yeah he's staying in his boho chic apartment. Yeah, we'll go hang out with him. Our boy Seth. We'll have him on the pod. I watched Seth's another- We've never had Seth. No, we've never had Seth on. Should we get fucked up or is that an irresponsible thing to do? No, you're funnier when you're fucked up. No, I don't think I will be. I think I'll be way worse.

But for a short period of time, it's like, it'll just be a crazy show. Like if it's just like for an hour and we just rip through it. I remember the last time- We just say some crazy shit. crazy show. Like if it's just like for an hour and we just rip through it, I remember the last crazy shit. The last time we did that,

we did the live show in, uh, Boston. The second one was a disaster because you were fucked up. And, and well, I think everyone was fucked up. I don't think it was just me.

I think it was just you. I remember some, someone tweeted, someone tweeted and was like going to see son Son of a Boy Had an Anus tonight. I hope it's funny. And then they replied two hours later and said it wasn't funny. And they said it was a bunch of drunk dudes on stage being annoying. Oh, really?

That was like two years ago. Yeah, that was a while ago. We were all drunk dudes on stage being annoying? I think I was a drunk dude on stage being annoying. Exactly. Let's see who else is on. I saw your friend Marcello on Saturday Night Live this past weekend. He had multiple funny, funny bits.

I thought the entire show was very funny. I haven't watched it, but yeah, he's like a superstar now. Yeah. Leslie Jones will be there. Former SNL. Let's have Leslie on. We should. A lot Former SNL. Let's have Leslie on. We should. A lot of SNL people.

We could go to the Gillian Wallow roast. Yeah, yeah. That'll be fun. They told us in a meeting this week that they wanted to have us. They're suggesting Son of a Boy that content. And they're like, yeah. And Gillian Wallow are going to have a big roast. They're having a festival a festival yeah and like the marquee event is like them getting roasted in front of 2 000 people in philadelphia like yeah you could be on the dais

like roasting them i would do the roast i would definitely do the roast you guys definitely just because that's easy like that's just like writing a roast joke is not like a hard like you ask you to do your set just in front of yeah i'm not doing that i don't think that's what you did roast yeah it's just making jokes that but it's like easier to make them rhyme but it is just making that can't be true it 100 there's just no way no like it's a whole other factor no it's it's like uh if you have a rhyming joke it sounds better that like the joke doesn't have to be as good because it rhymes. Oh, yeah.

I guess it makes sense. I think it'll be – we're roasting Gilly and Wallow, not just one of them. They're both on the throne. Both of their dumb bald asses. Yeah. I think that would be easy, dude. What would you say about them? I've never heard you roast anyone.

I don't know. I'd have to think of something. I'd have to write some jokes. Like what kind of things would you make fun of i'd probably make fun of wallow for his motivational videos yeah the most positive bank robber yeah he'd say yeah you just wrote one they would love that it'll motivate you at gunpoint yeah just make like a gilly rose video like the rick ross song but make it towards gilly yeah yeah dude i you should bring up rick ross on stage oh bring him actually up yeah that's fucking genius what so they're doing a full-on festival i guess i don't know are we like

announcing this i'm not sure who cares there's zero percent yeah crossover yeah the one dude is going nuts yeah it's just me yeah tyler me doing a stand-up set at that show would be in the moat like in between what like young thug and future yeah i come out have you seen this have you heard this my dad's gay yeah because yeah i was on a plane the other day like where the fuck the fuck is, where did future go? That would suck. People, some people have ideas that are just mind blowing. Yeah. Or people just don't think about it. Do you think that is insane?

Yes, obviously that's insane. Have you ever done a black room? No. You should. I've done rooms with black people in them. But I'm saying a black room, like where everybody is black. The blackest room I ever did was when I did this when i cold opened for that roast battle at new york comedy club how was it i the worst bomb i've ever had in my entire life yeah yeah i did my first joke this was also

a long time ago what i mean if i did my first joke and this old black lady to the right probably like 60 70 years old just yells out tough crowd my first joke what and i also had to cold open so like there was no intro or anything i just had to walk up on stage so they were all expecting a roast who are you gonna roast i wasn't like i was they've had three comics go do material and then they brought up like the roast oh so you were just kind of warming them up did not warm them up i feel like roast crowds love to hear like some edgy ass shit well i think they were also just like expecting a lot of those shows like that they're like turnaround shows where it's like no one like if there's if they don't sell a lot of tickets to it they'll just have the people that were at the last show be like hey you guys can stay for the next show it's a roast show for free and people are like well the last show was so fun let's go to this one and they

expect you to go up and be like what's up you stupid ugly bitches yeah exactly look at this guy's fucking big nose yeah yeah and it was not like that at all yeah i feel like every roast battle i've ever been to they're always like so mark's dad died where they like always try and go like super far yeah Yeah. They, they go far. They, I don't think they really do it as much as they used to at the stand. There's all those videos online that we used to watch.

Yeah. I used to go to them in LA all the time. Yeah. You were like, uh, you were, you were, weren't you like judging roasts at the store with Dave Attell?

Yeah, it was for like a couple of times. They had, but they had, uh, like other rappers go up like this rat, the dude Sharon went and like did a roast battle and it was good and funny they had like other rappers go up like this the dude Sharon went and like

did a roast battle and it was good and funny but like then they're like we hear you rap and they're like okay like

we need you to rap something and I just it made me never want to do one because they basically had the crowd be like

oh yeah that's super uncomfortable and he just fucking rapped rapped for the crowd so people have part of their brain just a little bit

turned off you know what I mean don't get embarrassed by that kind of shit. Definitely. It's sweet. It's a good. Kill the part that cringes. Yeah.

Yeah. Cringe mountain when you're climbing cringe mountain. Yeah. Have you seen this shit about cringe mountain? I have not. They're always talking about climbing cringe mountain. It's just like everything you ever do will be cringe worthy until the point where you're fucking incredible.

Oh yeah. I'm always cringing. Yeah. Cringe all the time. At yourself or you're just incredible oh yeah i'm always cringing yeah cringe all the time at yourself or you're just yeah well you're just climbing craig mountain and you'll get to the point where you're just an egotistical maniac yeah who like loves everything you do it's a complete psychopath a narcissistic fucking loon yeah a big fucking lunatic what's your summer fashion about to be dude not good i know i was worried this weekend saturday was rough it was so nice out and i was walking around in a sweatshirt and pants and everyone's wearing fucking i i there's i was walking down by the water so i just had nothing to do i had like my i had two shows but they

weren't until midnight and one so i was just like i have nothing to do today so i went had nothing to do i had like my i had two shows but they weren't until midnight and one so i was just like i have nothing to do today so i went i was like i'm gonna go for a walk walked down by like the west side water and everyone's just out running yeah all these dudes with big ass muscular backs you can just see every muscle in their back yeah pissed and then i saw like one dude run into like two of his buddies who were also running and then they did a little like play fight and then like laughed it off and kept running and i was like that will never happen to me ever i will never be in a scenario where that happens i run into my workout buddies your other friends who also run and then you have enough like energy in your body to even like look

over and like make a facial expression when i'm running dude it's like the weight of the world is crashing down with every step yeah and there's absolutely no like hey what's up dude if i stop it's there's no getting started you're coming down on your knees with more impact than shane mcmahon yeah you're just gonna like go through your hammer smashing the ground in fucking converse and instead of getting like some hokas some fucking running shoes i have i have reloaded a more cleaner converse no no no i have new balance running shoes and those things really you bounce off of them yeah another thing i've never ran into is uh i've never ran into my parents i was at i went to a bar with my buddy mike this past weekend in philly and we just like ran into his parents at the bar

his dad's name mike too yeah and they were just getting loaded at the bar yeah i've never had that happen i've never ran into my parents i always know where my parents are if i'm in the same city as my parents i'm gonna know where my parents are. If I'm in the same city as my parents, I'm going to know where they are. Yeah. Or the same like town. Avoid them. Yeah. And we just ran into his parents.

They were just having a blast, having more fun than us. Yeah, it's never happened to me. It's fucking infuriating. I've ran into his like friends' parents at like gas stations. Yeah. I guess a gas station. It's not indicative of either of your lifestyles. No. Running into another runner with, and they're both runners. Like that's indicative of you just

being a fucking crazy runner running into someone at the bar. It's like, Oh, we're both fucking getting drilled during a storm. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It is crazy. It's just, it's such like, there's such like polar opposites in New York. Like there's people that it gets nice out and everyone goes in, they run. And then the other people are, dude, you go outside when it's because it's such like there's such like polar opposites in new york like there's people that it gets nice out and everyone goes and they run and then the other people are dude you go outside when it's like when it's first starts getting warm it'll be like 10 a.m and people will be getting blacked out yeah it's hot out now we need to black out jack's wife frito yeah yeah and get an obliterated fucked up yeah and it's more to just be seen getting fucked up yeah i i had the urge to get fucked up on which day saturday because it was so nice out something about it's like you want to get fucked up you want to get fucked up and drive yeah definitely don't want to yeah definitely

don't want to run yeah i think those guys live for that they're like oh shit can finally get off the treadmill get back outside see all my buddies for you seeing them running yeah it's like marathon season yeah peel their shirt off not a lot of guys walking i'll tell you that not a lot of walkers out there were there women walking no everyone was running yeah occasionally there would be like a family that was walking todd Toddlers were sprinting. Yeah, everyone was just like moving their bodies. Not you. Not me. It's like a music video. You're in slow motion through all these

fucking joggers and you're depressed as fucking Seattle. I like stopped and I sat down. Like a fray music video. I sat down at the fucking at a bench. You did? For like an hour. And Red or Scroll just waited. You were scrolling.

To get energy back to walk home. I was fucking... Dude, it was hot out. I know you were scoping honeys. I was honeyscoping. You were just there fucking getting rock hard in your fucking workout gear. I wasn't even... I was wearing this, dude. I was wearing this with a sweatshirt.

I didn't realize how hot it was it was like what was it like 75 but what are you gonna pop off the north face i know right god no no could never be you hell no i don't know it was a nice weekend though yeah it was nice yeah you got caught up in a little storm didn't you yeah i went down to philly on uh i guess on fucking saturday i was caught up in a i caught a guy caught in a tornado it was fucking hell was it a real tornado like you could see it yes it was like touching down it was like touching down we were like at one bar outside it was so nice out just chilling and uh we're like literally having the conversation like you think like it'll just be nice forever like you think it's going to just be nice for six months straight and then like one drop of rain hit we went inside we're like we got to get over to the ale house

we got to drive to the other bar laughing on the way over there and by the time we were done laughing like the women who were in the car with us were like crying wait how come i didn't hear anything about a tornado in philly dude Dude, there was tornadoes ripping through. Positive. There's a real tornado in Philadelphia? It was crazy. It was really stormy in New York. This was Saturday night?

Yeah. Yeah. Saturday evening. The sky was green as we were driving. Really? I never saw a green sky. Yeah. Never like on the left of us.

You could like see it touching down. The most eerie looking sky. Oh, dude. Tornadoes are spooky like that. Branches falling off trees and trees just falling over. We like swerved around one. Yeah, we're on the way. it touching down the most eerie looking sky dude tornadoes are spooky like that branches falling off trees and trees just falling over we like swerved around one yeah we're on the way because that we needed shelter we needed somewhere to go we know there's a basement there we know there's like we know where like the walk-in freezer was yeah we thought it was twister and like a fucking

tree falls over we like swerve around it and like we see a cop going we're like oh the cop's just going to go check on the tree the cop just went flying past the tree really they had some other emergency to fucking deal with hailstones like fucking yeah they're big like baseballs just yeah fucking loud out then we got inside the bar no one had any idea really just my friend's parents just like whooping it up watching fucking college basketball eating roast beef that's crazy dude there was tornadoes everywhere this this weekend it was like it was's crazy. Dude, there was tornadoes everywhere this weekend. It was like Illinois. There was tornadoes in Chicago.

I know Arkansas had a bunch of tornadoes. Yeah. Mississippi. Some crazy weather shit's going on. Climate change, bro. You think that's what it is? It's real. Or you think it's just the summer, the turbulence is ramping up

so the airlines can fucking cancel more flights? Cancel flights, no refunds. It's probably the airlines fucking orchestrating this shit. I know. It's probably the government trying to distract us from the fucking Trump thing, which is trying to distract us from fucking money collapsing. Yeah. All the banks collapsing. Did you see Trump's on his way to New York right now?

Yeah. Did you see the video of him taking off the Trump plane? No, I didn't even see it. It's kind of a cool plane, to be honest. It's a full plane, big plane. Big plane. Bigger than Air Force One. You think he whipped his own plane,

or you think he was flying Air Force One? Probably his own. He's a humble guy. I heard he's getting locked up. He's going to be hanging out the side. Is that the plane? Oh, what? Extremely w up. He's going to be like hanging out the side. Like, is that the plane? Oh, what? Extremely wavy.

It's pretty cool. I like how the American flag is flapping on the back of it. It's fucking nice optical illusions. The Air Force One plane is really cool. Yeah. Like the colors. What was it like? The color scheme they got going on there.

Are you saying inside it? No, on the outside. The light blue. Yeah, that is fucking sweet. It's a nice plane. It was blending with the sky, though. I know. Is that the point?

Damn. Could be. Camouflage. I doubt it, though. Just a good coincidence. Yeah. Painting it sky blue. You fired up for him getting fucking arrested?

I've really been following any of it what happened just fucked a stormy daniel stormy daniel it's because they it's because they're like they're getting rid of like those ndas right with like in terms of like some weird i don't even know i hope people are pissed off though i hope it brings back the fucking riots tomorrow i hope that's what i'm hoping so you said you're gonna go i want to just go down and just see what people are thinking on ground zero i just want to see i feel like it'll be it's a historic time where is it happening pretty close to here i walked through um it's dude it's gonna tomorrow's gonna be a nightmare to get around yeah yeah because i mean dude there's probably 50 people right now

actively within a mile of here who are like, I'm assassinating Trump tomorrow. All right. There's like there's like at least 50 people on Seventh Avenue right now that are like, yeah, tomorrow we're assassinating Trump. And there's like they're probably going to close down half of Manhattan. You think so? Yeah. He came out of hiding, dude. He's been in Florida.

When was the last time he's been in New York? He's been on his compound in Mar-a-Lago, like Osama's compound. Yeah. When was the last time he's been in New York City? I'm sure he's been in New York. But not publicly, not like Trump's in New York, Trump's getting into. Someone's probably going to try and shoot his plane down. No way.

No one's pissed off about Trump anymore. Dude, are you crazy? People are pissed like everything is Trump for some people. Everything I've seen on Truth is super positive. Yeah, I'm not surprised. Everything I've seen on Truth, he's the only guy I follow. But everything seems super fucking

just there's no negativity. It just adds for getting $10,000 in free silver with Sean Hannity's face. It's fucking sweet. I don't really get how this is. So he's the first president that's ever been, that's going to ever be have like arrested. Biden should pardon

him. Yeah. Because if he wants to run against Biden and Biden can be like I pardoned you. Like it would be such a sweet way to flex on him. The president can just do that. They can just pardon someone. Don't they only get like a handful? No, I think they get unlimited. No, that's not true at all on obama's last day he was like fucking fools he was like click click click click got all the raffles like

yeah you gotta get him a little way was his last one little way was like three seconds left in office it's like the final buzzer we just get right he definitely would have freed slime biden's not a slime he definitely would have that's crazy but like the after i'll go i'll go with you do you want to yeah i got nothing to do tomorrow let's just go for the just like to see what's up yeah just check out the vibes it's uh it's corny because like no matter what like someone's gonna be like they were fucking thinking this like they went down there with this fucking agenda or whatever which is like i literally have no agenda other, like someone's going to be like, they were fucking thinking this, like they went down there with this fucking agenda or whatever, which is like, I literally have no agenda other than like, I just want to know what people think.

Like if I did man on the street, I would literally just be like, what do you think? Yeah. What do you think? I think that that's like the only, like, even if you had like a little bit of red,

like a little bit of blue in your outfit, it'd be like North face is a fucking signal. Same number of letters as Make America Great. Yeah. Yeah. Damn. I would go. Do you want to?

You think it's going to be closed off? I don't think it's going to be like a public thing. So I walked, I walked like 10 miles yesterday around Brooklyn and like, like China. He's getting arrested in Brooklyn.

No, I walked, but I walked the Brooklyn Bridge over to, to like, I guess wherever, I guess it's Phi Dive where the courthouse is and shit like that. And they already had all the news outlets set up. Like, New York One, Fox News. This was two days beforehand.

Like, straight across the street. So that must be where it is. Yeah. Do you think anyone's going to, like, do you think there's going to be riots? Do you think someone's going to, like, storm? I don't know. Remember when people were just walking the bridge when they were just like randomly like, yeah, the Brooklyn Bridge is shut down because like 300,000 people are

walking across it and stopping cars. And they were, it was just fine. They didn't even get in trouble for that shit. We got to bring that shit back, bro. Yeah. Damn. What if they're going to storm the White House or some shit? I know.

Cause I think at this point it's a foregone conclusion that it's going to happen and i think that then they're going to wait if he gets like acquitted then it'd be like a huge flex for him but they're saying that it's a good thing like he's using it as a positive for him running for president look what they're trying to do to me dude it's so crazy i don't i don't really think that they're like do you think he's actually going to go to prison no i don't think so but i think once he gets acquitted he's gonna be like see yeah well then no one can say anything yeah i mean people obviously can and they will but like then he can be like well i went to trial yeah and then he'll be like they're tyrants yeah they're

fucking trying to silence me oh that's wild dude yeah it's just a weird ass wacky wild time yeah it's gonna be crazy so he's getting into new york today he's gonna get fingerprinted and then he's gonna get a mug shot and that's what everybody's like is he gonna smile in the mug shot is he gonna like be solemn if he got a mug shot you think that goes public he has he is going to and it is going to and it's supposed it's going to be like the most shared picture of all time, they're saying. So he's getting arrested today. Not arrested, but he's getting processed tomorrow.

Are you sure he's not today? I think it's like right when he gets into New York. No, I think he has to show up tomorrow. Almost positive it's tomorrow. Going to Gen Pop tomorrow night. Yeah. I thought it was like one of those things where it's like a land in the city. The cops are there waiting for you.

No, I don't think it's not like that. I know he's not going to like, yeah, I know he's not going to fucking Rikers. He's not going to be like a holding cell and fucking Viadai. I'm going to tell you about the pain. I'm staying. I'm going to do the whole 10. I'm going to tell gonna do the whole 10 I'm gonna tell you about the struggle with Deuteran

what if he gets institutionalized he might love it he probably will dude what is that quote from Shawshank two days day in day out no that's from Alpha Dog Two days. Day in, day out. No, that's from Alpha Dog. It's definitely not from Shawshank Redemption. No, that's from Alpha Dog, the Johnny Trulove story.

You ever watch Alpha Dog, bro? No. Bro, you don't love cinema. I do. I watched Triangle of Sadness. When? Last week. Really?

And what'd you think? It was good. I was telling you for fucking seven months that it was deece. I thought it was deece. That was a pretty deece piece. I thought like, you know, once they got on the,

once they got on the boat, it was really good. Like that until the end was really good. You know, I wasn't really a big fan of like the gay porno in the beginning. All those shirtless dudes. I was just male modeling. Yeah.

There was nothing pornographic about just dudes with their shirt off. It was a little pornographic. I think you made it pornographic with your lust. It did. But we should go to a fucking bank. I said, holy shit, I don't want to have to fuck all these dudes. But someone's going to have to. So I will fuck those dudes.

So none of my brothers have to fuck them. Yeah. I watched that. Yeah, I thought it was really good. I also watched Room last night. Never had seen that pretty dark movie I don't know don't really know

what I was expecting going into it but it was a pretty it was a pretty devastating film what is it it's about these like

this girl who gets kidnapped and she's living in a fucking garden shed with her son damn try living in a

fucking New York City apartment i know right that's where fucking julia fox lives in yeah same size with her son yeah it was a pretty pretty really dark movie it wasn't really what i was looking for to get into the to go into the week but it's a happy ending kind of the girl the girl goes free so what's the problem what's not happy about that well she gets freed and then it actually gets like more depressing than it was when they were living in the fucking box because the kids like messed up and she's like killing herself or trying to kill herself damn oh it is a dark movie kidnapping movies are always pretty dark yeah like i know there's like

the light kidnapping yeah but no there's like i mean there's like tragedy move there's like super dark movies with really dark themes that are like i mean do like the call have you ever seen the call no he's fucked up it's about kidnapping yeah the guy's like removing girls like skulls and like wearing or like their scalps and like making them into wigs and shit but that's that kind of sounds hot it's really unsettling kind of sounds like a little bit of a fetish brother what else is another one like that fucking saving silverman lambs they fucking have to save their boy bro it's like a fucking cure jerker what's the one where they're like give me back my son is that like a fucking mel gib movie? I don't know.

We've seen different movies. Yeah. It's fucking depressing, man. We got to go to a flick together. Yeah. That new movie, Bo is Afraid. That looks good.

Is it about your boy, Bo? No, it's the Joaquin Phoenix A24 horror movie. Oh, yeah. Ari Oscar wrote it. I think that looks super good. Okay, let's go see it.

It's a little spooky. Let's play a little fucking hooky. Yeah. Three hours. Three hours? God, damn. Is it out now? It's starting to be, yeah.

Damn. When everybody moves to Chicago, let's just have fucking hooky days where we go fucking get ice cream and fucking go to the movies and shit like that. That'd be awesome. We'll go shopping. Flick Fridays. Yeah. Flicky Fridays. Thematic Thursdays. movie day get ice cream and fucking go to the movies and shit like that would be awesome we'll go shopping like fridays yeah flicky fridays thematic thursdays yeah when everyone moves to chicago that's coming up in seven months yeah it's like a mirage in the desert yeah it's never getting closer it's the forever monday yeah yeah we're just eking towards it, and it's never going to happen.

What a weird time. I saw Air in theaters. What's that? You see the trailer for that? Uh-uh. Put me on. Signing Jordan to Nike. Oh, yes, I did.

Sonny Vaccaro. Pretty good. It was good? I would recommend. Yeah. Anything that Affleck and Damon put their heads together for, I'm signed up for. Lifelong friendship. Yeah. That's why those guys are so for. I'm signed up for lifelong friendship. Yeah.

That's why those guys are so fulfilled because they've had this lifelong friendship. Who? Matt Damon and Ben Affleck? Yeah. You think so? Male friendship is one of the most important things. Platonic male friendship is one of the things that's being drained away from

humans today. You think it's that? You think they're that good friends? Yes, bro. I doubt they are. Why would they not be? After Ben Affleck got all weird and Matt Damon still got all racist and shit.

What? Matt Damon never got racist. Homophobic. No, he apologized for being homophobic. He admitted it. Yeah. He also, he said that unprompted. He self-canceled.

Yeah, he self-canceled. It was a wildanceled it was a wild move he was like i used to say it a lot no he was like i did like yesterday and my daughter said you can't say that anymore he's like what the fuck that's not even matt damon no it kind of is mark kind of is yeah bro the erosion of male friendship is fucking what is that from jordan peterson just fucking oh really all he's talking about have you ever heard him speak i do i've never gotten into any of those like podcasts or anything that was it was it's just always it's all just all over my algorithms jordan fucking hate those people jordan peterson though i just keep on here by the end of the 90 second clip too.

Yeah. He's always tearing up. My buddy said that his roommates are just always just blaring Jordan Peterson podcasts and like Andrew Tate and shit.

It's so, it's so funny. It's so lame. That guy, the real slime guy, Freed. Yeah, yeah. I saw that.

And he's just like pacing around. You see that video that he posted? Just pacing around. Was he smoking like a fat blunt? Yeah, a cigar.

He's like a cigar. I thought it was like a fucking 3.5 like a gaudy just like a fat ass i know that would be way cooler no yeah he's just smoking a cigar and he was like i he was like old habits die hard because he said that you know because he said that he like went like he was on his phone for an hour and he was like i'm sick to my stomach right so now he's not on his phone anymore so he just has someone else recording the entire time yeah imagine getting out of prison you're in prison for like four months and you just you're like i'm just gonna pace like dude you must have you probably did your fair share of pacing in your cell yeah would you like go to a movie or like or fuck all that pussy you've been talking about yeah fuck you're one of your sex slaves yeah this

guy all he could do is talk about the primo puss he's getting and then like he gets his chance to be away from the fellas and actually score some primo puss and he denies the opportunity go fucking kickbox someone bro i know or go drive one of your bugattis doesn't he have like 10 bugattis how many asses do you think you fucking whipped in jail dude he? He was probably beating everyone up. Probably got his ass ripped inside out, dude. They were probably having a feast with a tight bod like his. No way,

bro. He was probably the one. You're on wonders. Dude, they should have had him in the beginning of Triangle of Sadness. Just tape posing. Even a sad ass look. He's honestly too jacked to be a male model. Way too jacked. What did you say, Balenci?

H&M, Balenciaga. Yeah, that type of shit. They were going back and forth. H&M's canceled? Yeah, yeah. They had like What were they doing? I mean, Gucci even got canceled at one point, though. But didn't they have some, it was some racist shit, too, with H&M, or was it just sex trafficking?

Probably the latter. I'll just talk about the scene where they were going back and forth. Oh yeah. That scene was super funny. I didn't realize you're referencing film my brother.

My bad. No, no. I respect that a lot. Doc me. H&M. Turn his mic off. Yeah, dude. Tate's free. Did you see that video of that kid

in the classroom oh yeah yeah and he's like yeah he's like i am the alpha and he's like well he's something wrong he's clearly special needs but he's like i am the alpha and the teacher's like what the fuck are you talking about and he's like the alpha doesn't listen to anyone and everyone was like yeah like some dude tweeted it and he's like, the alpha doesn't listen to anyone. And everyone was like, yeah, like some dude tweeted it. And he was like, one of those like liberal TikTok or whatever, you know, those accounts. I don't know. They just post like cringy stuff. Libs of TikTok?

Yeah, something like that. And he posted and he was like, I've actually gotten like a hundred submissions of like different people making videos of like kids in their class doing shit like that. Damn. Like all these kids that are watching like Andrew Tate are now like going into class class being like i don't have to listen to fucking anyone that's sick and the alpha and the teachers are like what the fuck are you talking about that's so legendary they they fucking shouldn't have to listen to their teachers now they're likely trans teachers sons of bitches there's like a new statistic out that like apparently like 73 percent of teachers in the u.s are trans yeah i saw that and that hearing but they that they're forcing it on every child that comes into their classroom

yeah i gotta check just every weekend i'm just making sure cup check not working on anything are you tail her to make sure she's not going to any doctors that are going to intervene in her lifestyle. Drag reading shows. Yeah. That's the biggest problem in America. It's drag reading shows. It's the kids learning how to read.

From drags. That's the scary part. These kids are going to be literate, making their own fucking decisions. Fucking brutal. illiterate making their own fucking decisions fucking brutal dude so you remember i told you i was about to go to uh new orleans to go see tyler childers yeah yeah it's gonna be like a trip uh me and my wife i was like saying like anyone could cut any of my close friends i was trying to get them to come yeah now she completely hijacked it oh girl's trip it's a whole girl's trip and we're not going to Tyler Childers. Oh, no.

We're going to the place I wanted to go to. And it's a girls trip now. And we're not going to Tyler Childers. Just go solo. And one of her girlfriends is bringing her their new boyfriend. And it's the only other dude on the trip. Oh, no. Go to Childers with him.

He's probably a Tate guy. I should just try and fucking rope him in and bring him. Yeah, just go. Just go to Childers with him he's probably a Tate guy I should just try and fucking rope him in and bring him yeah just go just go to Childers by yourself you're gonna want a day to get out of there

it's expensive I was like I will fucking like whore myself out and pay for the tickets they're like did you tell them

that you're performing at Moon Tower money's not an issue I'm getting 150 bucks for Moon Tower so I'll be able to subsidize half of my flight is getting paid for by moon tower i'm gonna knock six dollars off of each one of your 300 tickets it's so funny dude all those clubs like not just moon tower but like every club

they're like they're like we're gonna give you a 300 travel buyout and i'm like the flight will be from like new york to san francisco and you're like in what world is that going to pay for even half of one yeah it's cost three hundred dollars round trip from la guardia to jfk yeah what are you yeah they always give you that it's brutal that's what they gave you basically yeah but and that's and that's all i can expect what'd you get you got like a travel bio and a in a room i don't even you know you're my agent i've sent it to you 10 times and then every week you're like dude i like just like when is it like when are we doing it i'm like i've told like you have the information i forgot you're this classically organized guy who has everything

filed away yeah dude you want to see my calendar yeah kind of fucking every single day is booked up talking about bro see all these dots what the fuck are those dots looks like george sarat pacing nashville record the yak boom you have record the war zone daily no nizani's nashville how is there 12 hours of war zone that doesn't even make sense day record son of a boy dad oh call him and sass show really boom every day what does he do for his goofy ass show, bro? Let's just copy him, bro. Let's just steal his set or whatever. Column?

Yeah. Column doesn't do live podcasts. Didn't he do a live show at midnight recently that was very vaudevillian? People were throwing axes at each other. Only stand up? Yeah. I thought there was some magic involved. Yeah, but the magician was Luis J. Gomez.

Pretty good. Maybe we could get him or? Yeah, maybe we could. Maybe J. Gomez. Pretty good. Maybe we could get him or- Yeah, maybe we could lock him in for that. Or we could get Oz the Mentalist. Oz the Mentalist, that would be huge. He would have to do nothing. Yeah. All we have to go would be like, what?

Or just be like, see, look at this. Yeah. Oh, we should do that. We could easily get him. We should just tell him that we have a big platform and it's going to really explode him. He goes on a lot of podcasts. He's been on like Fallon like 10 times, hasn't he? He goes on everything though.

He's got to be the best guest you could have on anything. No one's watching him and being like, this sucks. Yeah. They're watching it and being like, what the fuck? He always gets you. Remember when like Zaw and Brandon like couldn't watch? Yeah. Because they're like afraid of magic.

Like this is against my religion. They're like, I don't fuck with this. No, no, no, fuck no no no I can't see this yeah or participate in Halloween dark arts yeah we're not gonna dress up as ghosts around here ghouls you saw what happened Charlie Brown yeah that shit was brutal that's such a funny thing to be like afraid of magic. Yeah. I mean, that's people who really truly believe. True. People who really believe in magic.

I was trying to go on a magic tour of fucking New Orleans, like a ghost tour. Girls outruled it. Yeah. Overruled. We're not going to this. Nasty, nasty goats out in New Orleans too. Terrible ghosts. Drunk ghosts. Yeah.

They're just fucking everyone. And from at their time, there was no age of consent. No, no, no. So they're haunting old drunk pedophile ghosts in New Orleans. Yeah, they're haunting like it's old school. Raging Cajuns. So when are you going to New Orleans? Next weekend.

Weekend after Easter. This coming weekend's Easter. We're going to observe. How long are you going on New Orleans? Next weekend. Weekend after Easter. This coming weekend's Easter. We're going to observe. How long are you going for? And then I'm going from, I guess, I was trying to go Thursday, but Friday to Monday. I'll be back Monday morning. Damn. 6 a.m.

What? I want you to go like Thursday, bro. I wanted to. I want you to get out of here. I will. Take a little break. I dead ass will. I'm dying to get out of this hellscape

but nothing uh makes me feel better i'll go somewhere i'll be like i'm just covering up get back home it's still the fucking same old apple man yeah it is same old fucking city the apple man oh you have a little cocaine on your nose oh really like jelly roll. Yeah. I was doing some blow. Oh, no one does blow. When, when everybody goes to Chicago, we got to fucking do a ton of blow in the office. It's going to become a party office for sure.

It should. It's going to be like fucking when, when Jesse gets all that money and breaking bad. Of course. And he just has all the junkies living with him. That's what the office is going to turn into. Slap, slap my brother.

Yeah. We're going to be doing fucking lines off of gaz's head his fucking shiny ass head so moist though with a fucking cocaine it'll be like suck up all the coke yeah he does fucking coke like jimmy hendrix putting acid on his headband yeah he just does it subcutaneously yeah it just fucking absorbs the cocaine like a fucking that's what he thought he was doing when he was doing blackface he thought he was covering his face in cocaine it's black tar i thought it was pure white poor bastard dude smoking crack is way more strong than cocaine right of course i've never done either but i know i saw something i saw like a man on the street thing but

of course not i haven't i know don't fucking lie bro i didn't lie you're a funny guy i'm not a funny for you to be like i've never smoked crack i was more saying i've never done cocaine yeah well it's funny that you said i never because i know you're like a huge coke guy. I'm not a coke guy. It's funny for you to be like, I've never smoked crack. I was more saying I've never done cocaine. It's funny that you said I've never done crack. I know you're a huge coke guy and I'm not. I haven't been able to find any, but all these dispensaries are fucking the game up. Casual drug dealers coming to my house with fucking vials of

all kinds of vile shit. You can't get drugs anywhere anymore. I saw a man on the street thing and it was like some girl they were like whatever some dude asked some girl some question that would make the girl look dumb and of course she answered it and uh and she was like there's like what's something that you've never told anyone and she was like i smoked crack once and all the comments were like who gives a fuck it's literally just cocaine and baby powder or whatever cocaine and uh what is it cooking uh baking soda yeah cocaine ain't baking soda and i was like are you guys

that fucking stupid like i know it is i know that's what it is but obviously smoking it has a completely different effect on your body than snorting it yeah that is the exact point. I don't know why comments that are not even my comments bother me so much. If you heard the person say it out loud, you would never get bothered. But the fact that everybody is like has the same voice and that they're on a level playing field and it's just like a white background with a username. Yeah, it makes everybody rate like I don't even like. Comments about me. Don't bother me. Comments. On someone.

Someone else's video. That sucks. And then some dude. With one follower. It's a burner account. Comments something. And it like. Ruins my day.

I'm like. I want to find you. In person. Damn. And then like. Sit down. And have a conversation. Damn.

You're fragile. You're dumb. You're fragile as fuck bro. I don't know why. That's why. But that's why. I deleted conversation. Damn, you're fragile. You're dumb. You're fragile as fuck, bro. I don't know why. That's why I deleted TikTok. Because you're so fragile. And now Instagram is just TikTok. They ruined Instagram and they ruined Twitter.

So now we got to be on Truth. Yeah, I mean, well, Truth is literally incredible. And of course they want to arrest Trump because he's trying to make a good platform. An honest platform. He posts so much too too like his output is fucking insane you think it's always you think 10 minutes ago no it's not at all 10 minutes ago he posted 21 minutes ago no i think i think 22 minutes ago he posted i think he's sitting in that jet right

now dude flying in waiting for the cops to arrest him and he's like i'm gonna fire off some fucking truth they're not tweets on truth they're on truth. See what I can do. It's his truth though. Let him live his truth. He's at 5.07 million followers and he's only following 63 people. One of which is Dave. Wait, Dave follows him?

No, he follows Dave. Trump follows Dave on Truth? He's one of the 63 people Dave's following. Sash, hold the phone. Let's talk about GameTime. GameTime. GameTime is the exclusive ticketing partner of Barstool Sports, created by fans for fans.

Game time is the ticketing app that makes it easier than ever to score last-minute deals on tickets to sports, concerts, and shows. Dude, I was just looking at game time. I have, you know, it's Celtics-Sixers tonight. Yeah. You're going to go? I was looking at game time. You might go?

I mean, if not that, I'm going to playoffs or Yankees-Phils. Yankees-Phils would be fun. What's wrong with Celtics-Sixers? Nothing. Exactly, because the tickets are so freaking good and inexpensive. Especially because the Celtics are going to whoop the Sixers. What are you talking about? Best team in the NBA.

What are you talking about? Tyler, are the Celtics the best team in the NBA? Yeah. He's lying to you. No, I'm not. Dude, I looked it up yesterday. Celtics and the Bruins are the best team in the NBA yeah he's lying to you no I'm not dude I looked it up yesterday Celtics and the Bruins are the best team in the NBA in the NHL right now the Celtics are aren't even the one seat in their own conference Celtics are the best team what about the Bucs no the Bucs suck the Bucs are gonna fall off dude they don't have that they don't have that

in their bag you'd know if you ever went to a game on game time I've gone to a game on game time I went to the Bills game twice on GameTime this year. Well, it's probably how you know so much about sports then. Probably. Because you've been using GameTime. Exactly. The best ticketing app. It's possible to snag those seats with the GameTime app.

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And then right there. Crazy, right? That's wild. I didn't know Dave was on truth like that. I know he's one of the, I mean, his, crazy right that's wild i didn't know dave was on truth like that i know he's one of i mean his his college basketball comments were received very differently

that shit was crazy they were received extremely differently over on truth someone's gotta stand up for caitlin clark it's a fact i I mean, you should be as another guy that bet on her. I'm just not really public about my betting. Yeah.

I don't like giving out my picks anymore. I don't talk about politics or my bets. No. Those are my two taboos. I really don't. All we've literally done

is talk about politics this entire episode. So it's not politics. It's history. It's future history. It is true. How did Nixon not get arrested? He got pardoned.

That's what I'm saying. Really? Yes. They were like, you're good. Don't worry about it. Isn't it like, like, I know like Biden's supposed to hate Trump and stuff, but like. It's standard practice. It's a bad look for the president of the United States to go to get arrested.

Because then the next dude could just get arrested. Yeah. It's not a good look for anyone in America. Yeah. It's stupid as fuck. They should just pardon him. Yeah. Right?

Am I wrong? I don't know. I haven't heard anybody talk about pardoning him, but I don't fucking know. I thought that that's kind of just like you're blessed to be able to do that. You're allowed to do whatever you want with your money. If you want to fuck a porn star as the president, you should be able to. And you should be able to give her money. Right.

Dude, Abraham Lincoln was definitely fucking porn stars. I put she's mad because he gave her money. Teddy Roosevelt was definitely fucking porn stars from like a fucking flip book. Yeah. A hundred percent. Bring her to me. Yeah. I choose her.

Just like he probably just saw a painting of a naked bitch that he liked and was like I'm gonna fuck her yeah that's how you found out back then

how you found out about a new bad bitch yeah you're like let me see that painting again whoa whoa whoa shit who painted this oh yeah he's good too that's gotta be pretty realistic

he's good you think he's fucking her though yeah yeah Da Vinci was really just like Andrew Tate he just had all these fucking women supplying he was just supplying the entire time to the higher da vinci was probably like epstein just supplying to the higher ups of the world was da vinci painting people naked

i don't know i'm not familiar with his work know who paints, who was ahead of his time? Botero. Botero was a fantastic artist. This dude painted everyone with the roundest, fattest asses in like this, like a long ass time ago and sculpted them too. Oh yeah. All over South America. This was before the Kardashians existed. He spoke the Kardashians into existence. Yeah.

With his ass paintings. They're big asses. Yeah. Definitely people just beating off. Having an ass like that can't even be comfortable though i think it's the most comfortable thing there's no way i know what it feels like to sit on my ass i know i understand that but i think there's got to be an in-between dude me and you have negative asses people just smoking like wine glasses off a table when they turn around yeah there's difference between having what we have as an ass which is just a fucking piece of plywood yeah and then there's then then there's like a normal ass where there's at least some sort of shape and then there's what they have which is like bowling balls shoved inside of their ass

who's the dude on tiktok that just has like a fake ass that just is always just like running around never even says anything like that it's not got like a part of like the nelk boys or some shit i don't even think he is seven mil or something yeah i saw some like marketing tiktok talking about him being like he's the fucking genius of all creators he has no team he thinks of all of his ideas himself like his ideas are just like those ideas must be really hard to come up with i'm gonna run with my big ass out yeah what how does he come up with that himself no he's gotta have someone writing for him no he definitely has like some of the best like writers of our day right yeah fucking genius he did yeah i'm gonna do a cartwheel with a big ass i'm gonna take my big ass to the beach and have people and then show people's reactions as they look at my ass yeah then they're gonna

zoom in on my big ass fucking genius i don't know how the fuck he comes up with it yeah yeah i need some fun shit to do in new orleans just so i can have like a go see tyler childers or whatever i want to but i can't i think you still can yeah i guess i don't know i thought you're gonna be out there for like a week so i guess it's not that it's like yeah it's like three days yeah so maybe you can't because i was like well you're gonna want a day off just go go by yourself solo he's on the friday which is the day we get into town but then they're like cindy lauper is playing or some shit or who's the bitch from is cindy lauper stevie nicks is playing and they're like oh we'd love stevie nicks it's like bitch you fucking love stevie nicks i've never i've never heard you talk about stevie nicks yeah what stevie nicks is good

stevie nicks is incredible but i want to see all of Fleetwood Mac. Instead of just Steve. Can she sing all their songs? Or can she just- You should definitely go see Stevie Nix. On Saturday night? Yeah. Instead of Tyler Childers or whatever the fuck his bitch ass name is. What, bro? Chet, you're-

I'd go easy. This is going to be the thing that sinks you. Saying that Tyler Childers- He has hitters. And he's also- I don't know any of his songs songs he's also like the best country artists out right now i don't like country music but he's different than the rest he's not like nashville fucking pop lights country he's like fucking west virginia heroin country all right it actually sounds like a song that i would probably listen to a lot all of his shit all this shit is so up your alley listen to yeah he's like a better bob dylan he's bob dylan with fucking riz out the ass bro i've been on a big blaze foley kick recently

you know blaze foley i know matt foley you know the song clay pigeons uh i don't know blaze foley is good and he's really old and he like wrote a bunch of songs that just never really popped off for him. But then other people would cover them and they would pop off. That's definitely what you like about him. It's like every musician. Yeah. Well, good musicians. I mean, Jimi Hendrix, All on the Watchtower, it's a Dylan song.

Good musicians are ugly dudes. And they just write the songs for everybody else. John Prine was a pretty ugly dude. Are you saying he's a good musician or not? Great musician. Well, that's what I was saying. Good musicians are ugly dudes and they write the songs for everybody else. But he wrote also John Prine.

Pretty big. Pretty popular. Yeah. Yeah, but he's ugly. Yeah, he's an ugly dude. I'm saying if you're a good musician, good musicians are the ugly dudes. Bass for radio type people are on the radio for a reason. You guys are losing me.

Good musicians are ugly dudes. Okay. Okay. Like the hot guys are bad singers and you're pissed at them because they're hot. But the good dudes are. The people who are writing the songs for them. The people that write Drake songs or like the Beatles are ugly dudes. They're like a bunch of ugly dudes and they're good musicians like the Beatles are ugly dudes. They're like a bunch of ugly dudes

and they're good musicians. Good musicians are ugly dudes. Like the people who are writing songs for like fucking Jennifer Lopez or whatever. Ariana Grande are fucking ugly dudes. Yeah. See ya. Like these are all ugly dudes.

All right. I'm glad we settled that. I'm on to comedians. I don't really think I had it. I'm glad we settled that. Now on to comedians. I don't really think I had a, I don't think I had like an argument in that battle. Yeah, because you got smoked, bro. I don't know what just happened. You got bent over and fucking smoked.

No, it makes sense. This will be the promo clip. Yeah. This will go out on the Barstool main page. Yeah, they're going to start pushing us more into fucking obscurity. Yeah, we got to get some nasty clips out there. We had a big meeting this past week. I'm talking 16 people.

Yeah. And Sass said fewer than 16 words. Anytime we get into a meeting like that, it's like, all right, I'm going to have to just talk. I was looking around for my manscaped charger the entire time. Your manscaped charger? I was going to shave my balls. I was trying to find my charger. Well, it was because I was going to shower right after and I was like, I got to shave my balls.

What the fuck? So the entire time we were doing the meeting, I was just tearing up my room looking for the charger. I did see you looking for something and I cannot believe it was to shave your balls. Yeah. And when was that? There was like a Thursday. What did I have? Like I had something

that day. You're like, yeah, I'm out with hairy balls. Oh, I was out because I felt sick. You were out for like three days last week with the worst excuses I ever heard. I was out one day because I felt sick and then I was out the next day because we were filming sketches. You were out because your tangled

balls got caught on your door handle. I'm going to have to probably take a day off this week too just to post up and chill. I would. Let's go to the Philly zone. I'm going to have to move. I don't know. Dude, this is so weird. He's like, you got to call the super and ask when you

can get your keys and i'm like well technically i'm paying rent already so maybe today how does that sound why don't you just call them why don't we make that work yeah we don't why don't we make it work now yeah and you still haven't seen it yet right no i've seen it bro seen it twice what's it like how many square feet 800 it's like a little smaller than this room how many square feet i don't know enough enough to get the freaking job done you evasive bastard i will get this answer out of you i don't know interesting i what i need to do is i need to buy a shit ton of stuff so i think i'm just gonna steal stuff i might just like take one of these chairs home yeah and just get that bring that and then just put my tv on it i mean you're like two days after stealing stuff day the first of the month is the best day

to just drive around and steal stuff why people are moving so they're just leaving their like oh yeah tables and like that's a good idea i gotta buy a ton of stuff to remember to buy like a fucking i dude so with my with my bed frame i'm gonna have to just take it apart yeah that one i might just get a new one because that that thing took me a long time to set up you gotta get test grab it for everything a long setting up your own shit is for the birds bro that is like a 18th century after how much money i just had to pay this dude i am below the birds really yeah first and last i'm gonna pay first last and uh broker's fee yikes a hefty amount of money speaking of broker bro i know that's bad well where are you about to move on i'm gonna move into jack mccarthy's oh yeah yeah he leaves

that's fire how many square feet uh It's like 75 more than Seth's. Perfect. Yeah, probably. Fucking perfect. I think it's tiny. They also said in our meeting that we should record at each other's apartments. I think it's probably just because of surveillance state. They want to see what the inside of our apartments look like.

Yeah, why did they want us to do that? They want to set up ring cameras so they can watch us at all times. So Erica and Dave can keep eyes on us. they're like mean girls records at different apartments who gives a fuck we should record outside when the weather comes that should be sick yeah i'll record in the park totally different reasons why they don't do it it's because they also have like freelance they have a whole team of freelance producers yeah their apartments have a studio in them yeah they have a studio apartment as in there's a studio we're gonna lay in my bed and record you're well you're gonna have a living room now yeah bro that's that's for pleasure yeah you could you know you could if you just record one time there you can write it off as a

tax write-off as a home office no you need a separate designated area that has its own entry that you can lock out. Really? Is that what you need? What if I just have a desk? No. They'll audit you and fucking bang you for that money. I'm going to audit them. How about that?

Yeah. Try and audit me. And the investigators, might be. Yeah. I'll audit the fuck out of them. Let me know if you need help moving. Dude, I don't really know if I do. I think I'm just going gonna i think i'm just gonna rent like i'm gonna get like a zip car and just get pile all my shit in why don't you just borrow my new car yeah i'll borrow your whip

borrow my wagon my rivians your rivian yeah oh you rivian man yeah i'm a rivian man electric no charging stations in the city though so so we just throw it into neutral and push it getting everything down the street will be fucking easy you're just going down the block right yeah we'll just push her push this shit it's like a glorified dolly dude the most uncomfortable part about moving in somewhere is when you got to park the car outside and you don't know if you're allowed to park there. And then you're everyone's looking at you all coming out of the apartment and you're like, oh, yeah, it's up, guys.

Moving in here. New guy. Yeah. Oh, it sucks. Luckily, I'm only on the second floor, though. As opposed to the sixth floor you're on now. Yes. As opposed to being on the fifth floor and for some reason having to walk up 14 flights

of stairs. I think they like numbered it weird it's like an empty entry painting I just went up to the third floor six times someone changed the stickers once and I went back dude I moved them back I literally did I went

I took the sticker and I walked it down and put it back mumbling to yourself how am I on the third floor I was it down and put it back. Mumbling to yourself? I was so... How am I on the third floor? I was like, we just passed the fourth floor. And then I was like, ah, you bastards. Oh.

Because, dude, we live with a bunch of fucking delinquents. Oh, you bastards. Well, it's like a young place and everyone's all... You're young. I'm a man, bro. No, you're not. I'm an old man. No, you're- You're young. I'm a man, bro. No, you're not. I'm an old man. No, you're a crotchety.

I'm a financially stable adult. No, you're the type of dude who fucking you can make all the jokes you want. I call the cops on these kids. Yeah. These punks. You call the cops on the delivery guys. Like DoorDash comes to your door. You're like, oh, do you live here?

No, I'm not, bro. Yeah, you are. You're a Karen, bro. I hope not. Yeah, you are. Just if someone starts fucking with you, you gotta walk up five or what is it's 10 10 flights pretty much right karen is the n-word for white people i guess i gotta walk up all those stairs they fuck it up who's this oh biz what's up biz come on in brother oh thank you man appreciate it

i don't know what that what did you just say tiger pump what does that mean tire pump he was pumping your tires oh he's pumping my tires those guys are just too quick yeah you never know they always got like a new word you ever said that to someone tire pump quick. You never know. They always got like a new word. You ever said that to someone? Tire pump. They're pumping each other's tires. You don't think those guys pump each other's tires? Those guys are awesome. It was Paul Bissonnette.

Paul Bissonnette from Spitting Chick with the podcast. They're hosting the NYC versus FDNY or FDNY versus NYPD. They've done that before, right? No, this is the first year. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. It is. Famously right? No, this is the first year. Yeah, yeah. That's what I was thinking.

Idiots. Famously the first time. Famously the first time. It's the inaugural. Oh, can I hit that again? Sorry, bro. Damn, bro. Let me hit it, bro.

I'm trying to get fucking loopy for the last couple seconds. Gotts to be quick. We can say that Paul Bissonnette was on we'll get him for go grab a picture subscribe oh yeah here you send Biz in if you see him

but there are little feathered Indians. Will my buckle makes impressions on the inside. There are little feathered Indians. When we tussle through the night. Shut up, bro. Come get on camera real quick, bro. Come take a whack of this, bro. Take a whack of this, bro.

It's the good shit, bro. What, you're already fried? No, I had a little bit earlier, but I'm perfect now. I am actually perfect. Does this thing work? Yeah, yeah. You're good. Shortest mic in the world.

I have to conduct an interview with a firefighter and a police officer for the FDNY. Did I already say that? FDNY NYPD. You already said it like six times. No, I thought you're fucked up right now. You're so high. You can't bully me. You said you're famous. Just because you're internet famous doesn't mean you can bully me.

That's a tire deflate right there. What happened to you? You're pumping my tires. No, you pumped them a little too fucking hard, bitch. Yeah, you pumped it. You're all pumped out. When's that game? The 15th, right?

April 15th. Yeah. So, I mean, hopefully you guys can get there. It's going to be like, it's a shit show. These guys just want to kill each other. I don't know why, but I don't care. We're going to broadcast it. Yeah.

They hate each other. So, it's the fire department versus the police. Yeah. And they do it every year. This is the 49th year they've been doing it. Have you ever seen The Departed where they play rugby against each other it's the fire department versus the police yeah and they do it every year this is the 49th year they've been doing it ever seen the departed where they play rugby against each other oh and the firefighters bunch of fucking homos yeah oh yeah they go ham they just yeah they hate each other this is my my consensus is that the firefighters are younger and fitter and they probably pound all the broads and like the well the cops are kind of going through a little

bit of a rough patch right now after that whole thing it's been a tough it's been a tough stretch all those people it's a down market you got more people rooting for you as a firefighter i think a fair statement right now i don't know you probably get canceled for saying that nowadays i've seen a lot of sexy cop costumes anymore yeah it doesn't doesn't pop up as much but the firefighters unless you're like a real whore you're getting dummied by the whole force because that's kind of a thing that's happening now that one girl got dummy by the yeah i mean she had the five i didn't really dive too deep into that one i'm sure it's going to get its documentary like the murder murders or whatever but what girl fucked all the firefighters no the police department she she had the she was dating

whole front line she was dating another or married to another police officer and she was just getting like trains and trains and like the whole the whole squad i know i know black.com five on one zero back checkers like zero back checkers yeah you understand the zero back checkers. Yeah. You understand the zero back checkers? That's got to be a tough day, dude. Nobody's coming back to even out the score. After you just spend your whole day roaming around the city killing innocent people and then you come home and find out your girlfriend's been fucking all your buddies. That's a rough life. That's probably how she was.

Why does he always got to go that way with it? It's crazy. He tries to bring us down that path and then we just don't want to go down that path. He's showing off since you came in. No, he's showing off since you came in. But that's probably how she unwinds from a hard day of killing everybody. Yeah. She is.

She is. You got to think about her feelings, too. Yeah. She's in her own boat. But we're rooting for the firefighters, I think. Yeah, we're team fire. I got firefighter buddies. My father was a volunteer for 30 years, so I'm automatic.

Yeah. So that makes three of us. Yeah. Yeah. 100%. Three on one. No bad. Are you playing?

No, I don't play anymore, S i retired little celebrity guest drop why not you should pop in pop in net he gave that up a long time ago no you know what i do do is i play in our uh our fan ball hockey tournaments yeah and we got this kid from boston who is like ball hockey legend and i've yet to win my own ball hockey tournament what is it like like street hockey street hockey yeah they call it deck hockey but this kid we call him the nose face killer and he's got like a cleft lip and shit and he just fucking busts out do people like hit they hitting that you couldn't you couldn't have like describe a better super villain for my ball hockey tournament and it's like he just popped up and he and he wins every time that's awesome do you guys do video of that or is that just like yes they have a video that

comes out every year on barstool yeah you're supposed to kind of know what the hell is going on within the company sass don't just worry about your own stuff that's why i said congrats on your video that was super hilarious because you watched it maybe watch our behind the scenes vlog watch your guys stuff all the time name one thing that they do do you watch the sandbag doing this uh thing with the firefighters against the police department you're a fucking asshole he is bro what else is going on with you bro oh nothing no i'm happy for you guys you guys are crushing it and you just started doing the podcast with beverly now is that still going on or yeah yeah because he got traded or something and they're still just doing it they just decided to just change the color scheme of

the podcast and do it anyway that's awesome that's awesome he's on the polls now yeah is is is he very uh draymond green like where he just says says whatever he's bombastic he really runs his mouth dude do you think it's you think it would uh was hard or would be hard to be a current player and run your mouth? Like, do you think that he'll be? I think you better for the show. I think you have to have an insane amount of confidence and you have to be a bit tapped to be able to publicly say that type of stuff while you're playing. Then yet have to go on the court and face these guys who in some cases are are better players than him. He's not like a star.

Yeah, he's not all stars. A good shutdown defender. Right, right. He's not all stars. He's a good shutdown defender. Right. Right. He's been first team all defense, but you know what I mean? It's a, he's a different type of player than these guys who are all NBA. So when he like gets mouthy with some of them and then they cook them, like, do they give it to it back? And does he laugh about it and talk about it on the pod? Or does he get sensitive to the fact that they cooked them and they're talking trash over him? I mean, he, so he's cooked people and they cook him back and i think it's just the

nature of the game it's awesome yeah it's kind of like this woman thing going on right now in ncaa which obviously it gets a little bit overboard yeah once it starts catching the all it's like okay time to log off oh sask is back oh there. I thought you took a piss break or something. He was snoozing and rolling. You're talking about someone other than him. Oh, you're still here? Yeah. You're out of your mind, man.

You watched that? You watched the game? I didn't. I didn't. We actually had a hockey broadcast with Wayne Gretzky. Do you know who that is, Sass? Yeah. He's my co-host player.

He's a big base 66, right? Yeah. What is that, Bobby Orr 66? Flip it around. 99? Yes. There you go. ski do you know who that is yeah yeah he's my he's my he's a big bass player right now what is that bobby or 66 flip it around 99 yes there you go who's 66 bobby or or no uh let me let me let me let me yeah damn yeah how's gretzky doing how's that son of a bitch he's good man he's good he's chilling yeah tell him i say hi i will i'll say i met him once where lake placid okay so you're not lying we got like we had a hockey camp yeah is that a tournament you were buzzing yeah i was probably in fourth grade it was like a couple years ago what type of player were you i was uh i mean when you're that age if you're playing defense usually you suck

i was right wing or i was left wing but i was a righty weird you still play what do you do you think i still play i don't know maybe joining some pickup or something maybe play some hockey no i got really i was uh late to puberty and when we got to the checking leagues my parents pulled me out i played from like second grade to like high school. Have you ever been in a fist fight? No. Not one time? No. Okay. I was like I remember I got hit once and I slid head first into the board so my parents

were like yeah you're done with hockey. That was it. Okay. At what age did they start fighting? That happened to me and my parents were like maybe we'll get insurance money one day. Yeah. Do it again. Let's see if he can fuck this up. Let's get it on tape. I just kept going. When I got to what is it when what is it bandits when you get to checking uh well it depends where you are they call different things in the states that when i got to that i was on the c team i was on the bad team and and when you're on that team when you're that age the only

kids that are on that team are like football players who like want another sport to play and they just want to hit people so i was at that age and i was like the smallest kid on the ice by like a good foot or two what about golf you golf he goes then i was then i joined the golf team he's a stick bro oh my god 80 regularly i haven't played golf since high school imagine uh imagine what sass going against the foreplay guys if you took them down. I would destroy them so easily. All right. You hear this? Okay.

I'm going to have to see a swing after this because I feel like everything you say is a lie. I have a good swing. They've all seen my swing. No, it's beautiful. I have a great swing. Six. Beautiful swing. Midnight.

Six. Dude, it's perfect. Just straight up and down. That's Francis about my long irons. Seriously. I played with francis when you say it like that now i know you're full of shit no no i swear to god i played with francis in st louis okay first time playing since high school he smoked me but it's also my first time playing and we've had multiple golf tournament we've had multiple golf which is kind of like a score for like the the average man because he's a bit of

a cake eater right francis is like francis is pretty good he would whip you oh i know but i'm saying that's a score that's a score for the you said you beat him you crushed no no he smoked me oh he smoked you okay man yeah but i mean my my long irons but get a sandbagger you and uh you you two you and francis against biz and wit yeah i would definitely do that. Okay. Yeah. Where do you guys do it? Where do you guys film? All right. We go wherever. Let's go to, Francis has a private club.

We should go to his private club. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Trump International. Where the pig eaters are. Yeah, we should do that. That would be awesome. That's where he's at? Yeah.

No, he's not. Yes, he is. Where? Trump International. Yeah. He's right over the bridge over there. He's got an alcohol cabinet in there. He definitely does.

He has his own key to it. Am I done here? Can I? Yeah, you're good. Yeah, we're done. Okay. All right. I'm going to go interview these firefighters.

I love you guys. All right. We're out of here too. So thank you guys for listening. See you guys next week. That was the end? Yeah. We've been recording for a while.

Oh, okay. Nice.