Son of a Boy Dad - Hunting LeBron | Son of a Boy Dad #231

Episode Date: September 5, 2024

Hunting LeBron | Son of a Boy Dad #231 -- Follow us on our socials: https://linktr.ee/sonofaboydad -- Merch: https://store.barstoolsports.com/collections/son-of-a-boy-dad -- SUBSCRIBE TO THE YOUTUBE #SonOfABoyDad #BarstoolSportsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, son of a boy, dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. to the son of a boy dad podcast today it is September 4th it's noon we're live here from HQ 3 where's the prep sheets do we not have the prep sheets we do not have the prep sheets today the prep sheets Jay Jay's been lacking Jay's been lacking Jay should have blessed us with some prep sheets uh fantasy football draft last night, boys. We did a fantasy football draft. It went well. Where should we be? Let's pivot to being a sports podcast, like a football analysis podcast for the fall.

Francis, I know you're on board. I'm ready. I got my team. I got my squad. The order just randomly put me first pick. And my gut said Christian McCaffrey. Yeah, that's a great pick. But in two quarterback leagues, sometimes it's

a precedent to put. I mean, you can't go wrong with McCaffrey. Even with the way that you got. Who were your quarterbacks that you got? Because I know you took Drake May, but then you dropped him. Yeah, I dropped him. That was a very late pick. I didn't know who he was.

You already had two QBs at that time. I'd heard you say a lot about Drake May, so I thought he was somebody important. Yeah, but if you saw, I didn't even take Drake May, and I had many opportunities to take him. Yeah, but you took a Travis Kelce pick because you went to go get milk or something from the fridge. That was because Rhone ran out of time.

This is what happened. So I'm on my- No, I didn't. Yes, you did. You ran out of time. I never ran out of time. I thought you, so it was me that ran out of time. Yes, of course. How would me run out of time?

You were automatically assigned a pick. What do you mean? What happened on my screen was, what happened on my screen, because I'm the commissioner of the league. So my layout on my laptop doesn't look the same as yours. So it looked like on my screen, it looked like Rhone ran out of time.

And then it said like on my screen it looked like Rhone ran out of time and then it said Like something and then I was trying to it was like stuck on Rhone on my screen It was mine lags a couple times too It was stuck on Rhone being out of time and I was like, just does he this do I have to like do something to make him? We're burying the lead sass drafted four tight ends and three wide receivers. The most insane strategy. Francis has never played fantasy football before, and he knows not to do that.

No. What happened was, so I'm stuck on, this is on my screen. I believe that you didn't run out of time. But on my screen, it said you ran out of time. It's stuck on that. I'm trying to figure out how to get it to move to Brandon, who's the next pick. And then it's giving me all these options, so I just select auto pick, assuming that it's gonna

just automatically give you a pick. And then as soon as I select auto pick, it jumps like three spots to me, and then it just says I have Travis Kelsey. And I was like, what the fuck just happened? I was like, third pick, I was like, I don't want Travis Kelsey. And that's why I picked so many tight ends. no, but that doesn't mean you pick more tight ends

Just cuz you got your tight end early you should I picked more tight ends I was like I don't even know Travis. He's gonna play half the games this year. He's gonna play half He's like 50. Yeah, but that's that's gonna be like Gronk in his last season. He's gonna play one game No, he's still a upper echelon that doesn't mean you try to see more tight end dude Yeah, but that doesn't mean you need more tight ends. Travis Kelsey sucks, dude. Yeah, but that doesn't mean you need Cole Comet. No, I needed more tight ends, but now the problem is all of my wide receivers and tight ends are on the fucking Texans. So if the Texans have a bad game, I'm fucked.

Every one of my players, I have Tank Dell, Stefan Diggs, Dalton Schultz. I have a backup quarterback on my team. I chose a backup quarterback. Yeah, but didn't you already have two quarterbacks? Yeah, if any one of them goes down hurt, we are... Well, then you'll just trade for... you'll just, you'll pick up a free... Okay, didn't know that was a thing. Nobody told me anything about how this works. I actually texted the group one minute before it started, are we doing this on Zoom? Yeah, but I said, I texted prior to that and I said, that we're not doing anything.

This is very under the radar. At first we were gonna do it for like fun content, for like, I thought we were gonna come in here and do it and like. That's what I was, that was the original idea. Something like that, have wings. That was the original idea that I had. Stuffed crust pizza.

Yeah, ooh. But then I was like 10 people, it's too much. It's not. Right. Also most of them are in Chicago. Yeah, Ooh. But then I was like 10 people. It's too much. It's not right. Also, most of them are in Chicago. Yeah, exactly. Or it's 50-50. The five of us in this room and then five Chicago brothers. Yeah.

Well, I don't know that my squad is particularly good. It is good. I don't know much about it. I don't know when you're supposed to pick a defense or a kicker. You think I have the worst team, right? No, you don't. How, you have Christian McCaffrey?

Sassist team, week one Sassist team is predicted to have the most points. Look, I had a great draft. There's no way of beating around it. I chose the Jets defense because they're predicted to be the best defense in the league. The Jets defense is gonna be great.

Yes, but someone then made the point, or I read after the fact that you need to see their schedule and You want? Me I was thinking a lot of schedule stuff. That's why I picked a lot of guys on the Lions Easiest schedule in the league. Yeah, because if the if the Jets defense is playing a whole bunch of really good teams Especially early in the season somehow your team is good. What are you talking about? You you have a season somehow. Your team is good. What are you talking about?

You have a Dac Prescott, but you don't have them anymore. You have Dac Prescott, Aaron Rodgers, and Christian McCaffrey and Devin Aitchain, Pooka Nakua and Malik Neighbors, Ninjoku and Jayden Reed. I just chose the funkiest names. You got a couple of guys that if you were to put together any time touchdown parlay with your roster, it would be like plus 500,000 to win. Let's do it. I'll do it.

I don't give a fuck. Watch me. I bet, I would bet a hefty amount of money that Francis is not the worst team in the league. Yeah, you're probably right. You're not going to be in last place. That's all that matters to me. Yeah, it's quarterback heavy and you got some good quarterbacks.

I don't know why everyone's down on Aaron Rodgers this year. Aaron Rodgers is gonna ball the fuck out this year. You think he just, that he could get hurt? I think he could get hurt. He's old. Yeah, but he's wise. I'm a little tired of what he says. Of his words? Of all the stuff he talks about.

Yeah, the Justin Tucker thing, I actually didn't think was that dumb. That's so full of himself. He just needs to shut up. What did he say about Justin Tucker? He drafted Justin Tucker like fourth round. Oh yeah, you got the best kicker. Yep.

But I was looking at the points breakdown, like that's gonna be good. Really? Yeah. There's no IR spot. So, and you have Nick Chubb. If Nick Chubb comes back, you're gonna be fucking stacked. I didn't know he wasn't around. Where is he?

He's hurt. Oh. That's why- Broken penis. I got fucked because Brandon was in front of me for half my picks and he took everyone that I was going to pick. Every, like consistently every single time

I would have my thing hovered over someone and he would take it before me. And it wouldn't even be like the automatically recommended top pick. That's why I picked you guys the no ball was that I thought I had another quarterback and He was the top one. Yeah at that point you zag when everybody else digs. That's right I think it's gonna be a great season. Yeah, I mean, I mean Drake may is not a bad pick It's just he's not gonna start a so he is a bit He is a bad pick like he might play cuz Jacobi brusette got hurt in preseason He might get hurt again or that Jacobi brusette might just suck and they're like, okay

Yeah, Drake may realistically Drake may is gonna end up playing probably like 50% of the games If I had to later in the season, yeah, you're not gonna even need him till then you're good. You're dude. You're good It's trick may. I'm bullish on problem? I don't know but UNC UNC Oh, we did. Yeah. No, that's cool. Tar Heel Tar Heels Tar Heel But before the NFL draft they went through who he's following and he exclusively followed the white quarterbacks He followed every like me. No, he belongs in New England to great my white quarterback and not a single black quarter They're in now like literally like it was like Joe Burrow, Josh Allen, and then like Sam Darnold.

It's interesting. Yeah, he was following like backups. I'll be honest with you, I thought he was black. Zach Wilson. Drake May is a pretty black name. Oh yeah, it is. It is. Wow.

If you're named after a month or a color, you're probably black. Or Drake. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If you're named after Drake, you're probably black. He's young. He's like 21. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. I named after Drake. He's young. He's like 21.

Oh. Yeah. And when did Drake get famous? I guess more than... That would have been 2000 and... I know exactly. 2008. Ten, nine, eight. Eight.

Oh, eight was when he did Best I Ever Had. Was it? Mm-hmm. That's when that came out. I remember it. Baby, you're my everything. What a great song. You're all I ever had. Was it? Mm hmm. That's when that came out. I remember it. Baby, you're my everything. What a great song. You're all I ever wanted.

What was the draft that you had yesterday that wasn't our draft? So ours was PPR and I had a non PPR draft. OK, but what like what league was it? I mean, it was in it was like my sister's work league. It wasn't like advisors. No, no, no, because I know a lot of people last night had multiple drafts. And I texted Tommy asking if he wanted to the league. And he said he couldn't do it because he had the advisors

draft. The fuck? Yeah. What the fuck? Yeah. Thank God we have none of those suckers. I know. Well, I was just pumped because I was like,

I was only asking because I felt bad. Yeah. We don't want you in the league. I didn't want to be in the league at all. It's the last guy you want in the league. Tommy Althoff. Yeah. Tommy's the kind of guy that's like,

he would like hold dudes on the bench instead of letting you trade them. Yeah, he thinks it's a zero-sum game. Yeah. Which I guess in fantasy football, it is a zero-sum game. I don't even know what that saying means, but I like saying it.

Yeah, I've never heard it. Zero-sum game? What does it mean? Uh, a zero-sum game is winner-take-all. Winner-take-all? Winner-takes-nothing in our league. It means that there's... You either win everything or you win nothing. So there's no sum.

Yeah. I don't know why zero-sum denotes that, but it means, yeah, it's one person wins or one thing wins and everyone else gets nothing. I was talking to a friend of mine who owns somebody's record catalog. And I was like, damn, that means they don't get paid off their music now?

And he's like, uncomfortably, was like, yeah, well, it's a zero sum game. It's like, what? That's what I think Bob Dylan sold his entire catalog to Sony for like $200 million a couple of years ago. Zero sum game. Yeah, but I also, $200 million when you're like 90. That's a pretty good deal.

To me, that's a $200 million sum game that he's won. It's basically just, well, is it a fuck you to your ancestors? Like, is it a fuck you to your lineage? Or, is it a fuck you to your lineage, or do they just... I don't think so, dude. If you make 200 million dollars... If you make 200 million and make sure to spend it. So that, like, Sony can use his music in, like, movies 50 years from now? But basically my point is that his kids don't get royalties off the music. Yeah, but they'll get his billion dollars that he's that they're gonna inherit.

Well, if he spends it all or if he leaves it to some bullshit fucking... I could see it's like a 22 year old girl foundation. Yeah, or a foundation. Or if he leaves it to uh... Did you hear that that fucking Bill Gates gives off his money to charities because he hates his wife? I don't know about that. No, that's not true. He was doing that forever. They ran the foundation together, Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation.

That was like, I remember being a child and everyone being like, well Bill Gates would actually be way richer if he didn't donate all of his money. That was like a known thing. Yeah. And that was before he even got divorced. Yeah. I heard that she was, I don't even know. I'm getting into too many shitty conversations

with people who don't know what the fuck they're talking about. True, not like us. Yeah, that's why I come to you guys as a bastion of knowledge. These are guys that just strictly facts. Yeah, I come to you guys to learn what the fuck is going on.

I'm pretty sure I've made three things up already on this podcast. But then his bitch wife made it seem like he went to Epstein Island and he didn't even actually go to Epstein Island. Did he not? But it's But that his bitch wife made it seem like he went to Epstein Island and he didn't even actually go to Epstein Island. But he's really just his bitch wife trying to fucking sully his good name. Oh, I didn't know that.

Putting the pedophile stink on fucking sweet Bill Gates. I thought he did go to Epstein Island. No, that's his wife propagandizing. She went to Epstein Island. According to the 85 IQ person I was talking to. Yeah. I mean, I was talking to. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I can't remember if their divorce was acrimonious or not.

I do know that they were true business partners. She was an employee at- Microsoft. Microsoft. Yeah. It's crazy how these billionaires are just plugging up their employees. Is that ethical? Yeah, but she was pretty high up though, I think. They started dating. These billionaires are just plugging up their employees. Is that ethical?

She was pretty high up, though, I think. I watched that doc they did about him being Bill or inside Bill's mind or something like that. Once a year, he goes on a vacation for a week. Where he can cheat on his wife. And he just goes to a cabin in the woods and cheats on his wife. It's like in there.

It was in their marriage. It was in. It's not right. This. It was in, it was, they had some sort of- It's not right. This is made up. No, I think they had, they had like an agreement. No. Yes. Where'd you get that from?

I remember reading about it. They had like an agreement where he could, once a week he would go on vacation. Once a week? Or once a, oh, for a week a year. Once a year he goes on vacation and he calls it his think week. And all he does is he goes and he brings this duffel bag

filled with books and he reads like 12 or 15 books in a week in a cabin and just thinks. That's all he does. Kind of unplugs. That's kind of sweet. Yeah. So no cheating goes on. As far as I know, I was just, you know,

fucking entertaining Sass's thing. His bullshit. I swear he had a week where I read something about him having a fucking entertaining Sass's thing. His bullshit. I swear he had a week. I read something about him having a week where he was allowed to. I think you're thinking of Andrei Kirilenko. No, that's definitely not. You're thinking of Andrei Kirilenko, AK-47.

Yeah, on his birthday, his presumably Russian or Eastern European wife allowed him a hall pass every year on his birthday. Which is crazy, because he's in the NBA. So he's also taking a hall pass every year on his birthday. Which is crazy because he's in the NBA, so he's also taking a hall pass 364 other days of the year. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, thanks, babe. I really appreciate this.

A sexual purge, once a year, all laws are out the window. She's probably taking his birthday as a holiday too. Yeah. A holy day. Do you guys think that if the purge were real, if the government allowed us to do it, would you go out to the streets or would you shelter in home in place? Shelter in home for sure.

You wouldn't kill? No, maybe I would go fishing and I would like go somewhere where it's catch and release only. Just eat a bunch of fish. The tiniest fish. Big enough. A lot of places have like the place that I go fishing in New Jersey it's catch and release only so I could technically I could go there and just do a little fish fry on the purge day. Yeah. Someone eats 16 fish. Look at all the bones. The lawlessnesslessness has to stop bring a cooler out there

Bring them home. No, you get them home. Okay the next day it's over, but I've already done it The deeds already been done. I don't get in trouble after the purge is over I think about those kobe. Oh, we had to throw back all the time. Yeah, I don't think about those that often I don't think about him either Why why do you would you would you be in the streets? Apparently they're good. Apparently they're amazing. That's all they talked about was how amazing they were. It was very odd. They were like, I mean, probably the best eating fish. They're like, we could bring them just right over to this dock. They'll cook them up for us.

They were telling us that we could keep them and eat them. And get a little teriyaki on them. Something happened along the way where that law changed. I don't know why or how, but all of a sudden everything switched to no, yeah, we can't do the thing that we got you excited about. Oh, you got to go over to South Dakota or South fucking Carolina for that, which is like 20 miles that way. The day before and the entire day leading up to us fishing, all they were talking about was how good the fish are and how we can bring them over to this dock.

Well, it's like a restaurant that you pull up to and they cook them up for you. And then we caught one and they were like, oh no, we can't keep any of these. What the fuck? And we were like, oh, okay. I don't care. You guys must have upset them as Yankees.

I'm a catch and release man. Everyone knows that about me. You don't have the the gall to kill a fish No Well, actually I did kill a fish It was it was pretty bad. I Was gonna I was gonna eat smallmouth bass Lake bass. Yeah, when was this? This was recently. I was going to eat small mouth bass. Oh no, that's a trout bass. Trout bass is not a thing, but, but, uh, I didn't

know how to filet a small mouth and I didn't know how to kill a small mouth. I know what to, I know how to clean a trout and kill a trout. All you have to do cause trout are so delicate. You just take like a stick or a rock or something and you just bang them on the head once lights out immediately. So I have this small mouth bass and I'm holding it and I take a rock and I just give it a, didn't even, now it's just flopping around in my hand. It's angry? Yeah. So now I'm just, not dying. It's not, it won't die. Its head is made out of fucking

like concrete. It got a metal plate. Yeah can't go through Yeah, it's like fucking steel-toed Tim's and So then I take my knife and I just stab it right in the head and it died immediately Oh good lights out immediately and Started with that sound immediate because you had just I tortured it to death and then and then I was good I'm gonna flay and I tried to flay it how you would fillet a trout

Drop ass and it's all bones and I ended up just throwing it back in the water Just like come like the heads off. There's like scales all over my hands and just tossed it back in the water I was like, this is so brutal. I felt so bad. So you killed it for nothing I killed it for no reason you You just fucking brutalized the fish. However, smallmouth bass are an invasive species and I caught 30 smallmouth bass in one day. But you let them all go. I let them all go. So I killed, I mean, one out of every 30 is not, it's a pretty good ratio. Yeah, you did 3% damage on the species. Yeah. And I'm fishing barbless hooks, like I'm taking care of these fish. Yeah, so they're probably going back

Procreating after you're probably making it worse for if they're an invasive species You're probably teaching them that it's important that life is precious and short that they need to get to fucking right now Yeah, I don't know. It was pretty bad. I felt pretty bad about it I was confident if I should tell that story or not. It has you brutalized. I it was dude. It was a scene You're too old to be doing that. Were you alive? I felt like those videos where they're like little show like someone who like shoots up a mall or something and they're like and they're like yeah he would torture small animals as a child. I felt like someone was going to see me just like standing on a rock just like sawing into this fish

for no reason. Just like listening to a podcast. Yeah. Just like, well, throw it back in. Sunglasses on, unchanged expression. Have you ever seen that movie Hostile? No, I don't think so. It's a horror movie. There's a scene in it that what you just described reminded me of. They go, they pay a lot of money to go,

basically torture and murder people. Yeah. In these, people in these tortured dens in Eastern Europe somewhere. And one guy pays a bunch and goes to do it, but he kinda screws up and he has like this power saw or something like that. And the girl who's strapped to the chair, he accidentally gets her hair caught in the saw and sort of like rips her scalp off,

but she's still alive. And he's like, oh, he's, he's like, oh no. You know, he's mad that he did it too gruesomely. He wanted to take his time and like he keeps fucking it up. And the fact that he's making her so brutal, uh, makes him turned off about the whole experience, which is you and the fish. Pretty much, yeah. It's the same, or in Triangle of Sadness, they get caught on a desert island and then they're like, we'll hunt this deer. And they go up to the deer and they smash over the head and start celebrating.

And then it just starts screaming in pain. This is wailing in pain. Like two minutes later, they're like walking out, crying, huddling each other, cuddling each other. And then I Googled, when I got back, I Googled how to fillet a small mouth to see how far off I was. You know, in a trillion years,

I never would have done that the right way. Where, I feel like, what are their bones on? The thing is, their spine is fucking huge. Their spine is like as thick as this mic stand. And you pretty much. Yeah, I don't even know how to describe it. It's it's not how you take a little a little knife, a thin knife. You cut both the fillets off and then then you peel the spine out like that?

It's not like that. There's no doubt in my mind, Francis will be able to do this with alacrity. I could do it. I promise you, you wouldn't. And precision. And precision. Also, my knife wasn't sharp enough.

Right, well, that's what everyone says. Yeah, but it is for trout. It's easily sharp enough for trout. Huh, you're a brutal animal. Yeah, I felt pretty bad about that. Yeah, so for the purge you just be stabbing fish in the head Well, ideally I would eat those fish. Yeah For the purge Francis you would be first team all purge I'd be a purger you would be in the streets with like wielding a bat doing like cool moves and landing like fucking Black Panther I'd be like one of those guys on a ATV

Going down the street and doing a wheelie standing on the back like swinging a Bat with barbed wire around in your hand before you fucking take someone's head off with strength and numbers Strength and numbers. I would love a purge. I could do a purge. You'd be so great. Who would you target? I'm purging right now, actually. I'm purging myself. I am trying to just get all the toxins out of my body, even though I did have tuna gronies

last night, which was a mistake. I saw you this morning eating an apple and drinking water, and I was like, I've been there trying to make up for lost time. Well, I knew we were gonna- Trying to repair the damage. We always seem to podcast right through my lunchtime. And I have a hard time with my energy levels

because that's when I would be eating. Yeah, that's when you'd refuel. And then if we do it after, then I'm crashing from the meal that I ate, so I get tired. But if I do it before, I'm crashing because I don't have enough energy. Yeah.

You're a fuel machine. You're a gas guzzler. I am, I am. I put it away. You're like an Escalade. Yeah. We need to just dump fucking $50 of fuel in you a day, just so you can keep on going. Hummer H2.

Yeah. Which were awesome. They were. They were such bad ass vehicles. They were cool. I miss gas guzzlers, these bitch ass fucking Elon Musk cars. Oh yeah. Gas guzzlers were fucking incredible.

Why not just use the gas that we have? It is pretty crazy how long how long like a tank of gas last you know though. Oh yeah. You can go 300 miles without refueling. Otherwise the dinosaurs died in vain if we're not using their gas. If we're not using fossil fuels then we're just fucking... I'm confused about what fossil fuels are though. Like the oil rigs that your boys are Spear fishing off of that's not all fossil fuel is it I think it is yeah, that's all fossil fuel There's that many dinosaurs that died like deep in the ocean that they're fucking

Just siphoning off That's a good question. Yeah, I don't know. How the hell does it work? And isn't, aren't cow, cow farts just like as bad as cars? Or we don't know? Methane. Methane.

It's bad. Cow farts? Cow farts are what's really, it's your fucking hunger for steak that's keeping the environment bad, not my Hummer H2. Exactly. My Hummer H2 is not doing shit compared to the fucking. Having a Hummer in New York City would be the worst thing imaginable.

It's like wider than the streets. Yeah, parking on that. Oh my God. People would have to be driving on the curb to get around your car. My buddy in middle school, his parents got one, and it was, you know, Maine, so it was the most baller car in the whole state.

We would ask them to drive us to dances in it. It was an H2, a yellow H2. We'd go over to his house before the dance, especially for the Halloween dance. He had a lot of sports jerseys. We would always go into his jersey closet and pick out a jersey to wear any authentic Keyshawn Johnson Tampa Bay Buccaneers jersey. This was the year that Tampa Bay won the Super Bowl with Warren Sapp and 2001? No, yeah. Was it then? 2002? That sounds about right. Yeah. So I wore that jersey and boy, I fucked a lot of girls. Yeah. Girls, girls can't like get enough of a rare Jersey. No, dude. The bitches love a rare Jersey.

When they feel the actual stitching of the number. Yeah. You know, it's not, it's not screen printed nor is it that middle tier Jersey, which is, you know, piece of shit. Right. The Swingman jersey, I think they called it. Yeah, yeah. It was the authentic jersey.

And you could run your fingers down the number and it felt like that couch a little bit. Yeah. It's beautiful. That's why I had to like lock away my Mac Jones Patriots jersey. You can't buy those anymore. Well, and it's friendship enders among women, because they'll fight over you. They turn into chimpanzees fighting for the alpha male once they see a really rare jersey.

A rare jersey like that will get them to tear. It's the end of feminism in general. I spent months mowing lawns and feeding Lydia Schroeder's cat to save up enough money to buy an authentic LeBron James jersey, which, because I was going to see LeBron play in his rookie year against the Celtics at the Garden. And I went and the team,

they were there two hours before the game for the shoot around. And I remember Darius miles signed the Jersey. And I don't think I was really trying to get his autograph. And, uh, I remember this guy to my right goes, what are you doing? Yeah. Because then the only way to actually make the Jersey worth it would not only be, I had to get LeBron's autograph, but I had to get the whole team.

Yeah. Whole team. The Cavs signed jersey, not just. I got. The Darius Miles signed LeBron jersey. I got. Actually the bitches might like that, cause that's rare. That's rare.

The LeBron in and of itself, that's kind of bank, you know what I mean? You might see a couple of those. He used to go like this after he would dunk. Yes. I got every single player on the Cavs autographs except for LeBron James. And where's that jersey now?

Hanging in my childhood bedroom closet. Oh, in the closet? Not even framed? It's still a shame. You don't even have that thing out? I can't. It has every autograph except LeBron's. But you can still get-

It's a LeBron jersey. It's like he died, and then the rest of the team signed it to send it to his daughter. You should just forge it. If you have like 20 signatures and all of them are real, no one's gonna notice one fake one. Or get it to LeBron. Could we do that?

Do you think we could get LeBron's autograph? That would fill a major piece in my life. And the other part that's missing is I have- Absolutely not. I have like the state quarter map and I have like three states missing. Oh dude. That's also in my childhood bedroom. I have a book of every state quarter in my childhood home.

Not just one for every map. I have like maybe 150 of each state quarter. What? Yeah, I have books of each one. What? That's a lot of money. Jesus Christ. Nerd alert. We could have a lot of time. Nerd alert bro. It's called an investment dumbass. You guys are on bitcoins. I'm on regular coins. Good old fashioned coins. You go to an arcade or a penny candy store. Which one do you need? Which ones do you need? I can't even remember. I got you bro. I have to look. I'll go Thanksgiving. I'll stop at home and I'll fucking, I'll collect the ones you need.

That's very Jenny. No problem. Very Jenny with your pennies. Yeah, oh it's no problem. I'm happy for you to complete your collection. I think I care more though, I do care more about the LeBron autograph. Well yeah, it's not like, that's a tough one to get.

It's what we're at 25 cents. I have. Especially now, I mean you could have pursued that for like five years after you missed it and you would have had a better chance of getting it then than you would now. I think Big Cat could figure it out. Get a LeBron autograph?

If he told him the story. When is Big Cat gonna be in a scenario where he's gonna have time to explain that story to LeBron James? Big Cat seems to know everybody. But he would have had him on part of my take. Yeah. Well, that is a much bigger commitment of time

than just handing him a 19 out of 20 autographed LeBron jersey. You've got to be one of those adult autograph seekers who huddle outside of team hotels for eight hours. Yeah, you have to buy a next to a child a kid. This would be a good piece of content. I have to hunt down. Hunting LeBron.

Hunting LeBron. It's a good way to get a restraining order. Yeah, call it hunting LeBron. After we talk about the purge. It's a good way to never meet LeBron. I'm not one of the professional autograph seekers who's gonna get multiple. I just want one LeBron autograph on my authentic Jersey

for which I worked very hard. Yeah. I mowed a lot of lawns and that cat didn't eat quickly. And cat food's disgusting. She paid me, I'm not even making this number up. She was gone for a full week. And when I got back on the lat, or when she paid me, she paid me $5 for the week.

I mean, granted, I was like, I don't know, 13, 12 or something and they live next door. But at least give them a 20. I was like, what the fuck? $5. I had to use a can opener to open the can of cat food. Dude, when I was really young, I had to go,

like cat, feed my neighbor's cat when they were away. And I remember I went into their house and it was like disgusting. Yeah, cat people are the worst. Dude, no, there was like, there was like pans on the stove with like baking grease in them still. And I was like, I mean, I'm not a clean person at all, but even then I was like, this is fucking insane. Just have the cat eat the grease.

Yeah, you're just leaving out pans of grease and there's open bags of chips everywhere and they were gone for like a week. I was like, what the fuck is this? Where did they go? I don't know. That's foul. That was probably 12 or something.

The idea of coming home to dirty pots and pans after traveling for a week gives me huge anxiety. Well, that's just someone who's not taking care of their landscape. The cat people now, they don't even need to like live with the cat, cause it's all automated. There's cat feeding machines that like, they just feed it on a schedule and

Oh yeah. You could just be away for like fucking months at a time. Yeah, they have like, yeah, and they have like the litter boxes that like clean themselves Cap what a cat people want just like want for like Once every week like the cat to like rub its head on you, and then you're just satisfied. Yeah, it's got a fucking beanie, baby I mean I get it. I wouldn't hate having a cat then get one I Don't want one. I want one one. I don't want one. I want one, but I don't want to have to deal with like,

the stress. But there is no stress. That's the point of a cat. Yeah, but I travel too much. I mean, you can leave them for three days, right? Yeah, but I travel for more than three days a lot. You can leave them for more than three days. Someone could go over to your place and do whatever needed to be done for the day.

Yeah. Or just get their automated machine. True. I could do that. It would definitely ease my fears of the mice. I think it... Oh, yeah. I also think it would be good for you to have a companion like that. It might really change who you are, you know? No. You'd have it there on your side, sort of while you're playing your video games.

Soften you a little bit. Yeah, that would be nice. You could name it after a video game character or something. Yeah. Soap. Soap is a hilarious cat name. You're going to get a cat named Soap. Soap is a character from the Water Warfare campaigns.

Of course. We should get a, yeah, you should get a cat scott, a little mascot. Yeah, it's not a bad idea. Just have it for the show. Yeah. We should have a studio cat. Yeah, we should just have a cat in here. Never leaves this room.

What do you call it? Cat Bev? Yo, it's kind of good. I mean, he could might get you a LeBron. Ooh, Pat Bev could get me LeBron. Maybe. Maybe. How tight are they?

I mean, they play together in the Lakers. Ah, who's the closest person that we know to LeBron? I think you could get Andrew Schultz to get you a LeBron signature. No. No? I feel like he's really in with the black community. He could have like 50 cent ask LeBron.

Fuck. You could get like Lil Dicky to get you a LeBron. Do you know Lil Dicky? No. Of course you do. I don't know him. Well, you're closer to him. You're one phone call away from knowing him.

We could get to Lil Dicky. What's your degrees of separation from Little Dicky? Doesn't Kevin know him? Haven't they had him on? Exactly. There you go. There we go. And you shot something with Kevin yesterday.

And there we go. Oh, I know. Schultz knows Little Dicky. And see what I'm saying? We're right there. Little Dicky could get to LeBron. I don't know why we think that Little Dicky could get to LeBron.

Why wouldn't he? You guys threw that out there. I was wrong. I didn't throw that out there. Why wouldn't Little Dicky be able to get to LeBron. I don't know why we think that Lil Dicky could get to LeBron. You guys threw that out there. I was wrong, I didn't throw that out there. Why wouldn't Lil Dicky be able to get to LeBron? Doesn't he like comment on his like... Our Lil Dicky and LeBron friends? Or wasn't LeBron on Dave or something like that? I don't know. I'll tell you who could, I'll tell you how we would do it. We would go through LeBron's agent. Rich Paul. Rich Paul. Who probably knows E Erica, would be my guess. Or Dave or something. Okay, Dave and LeBron are not friends.

Dave and I are not friends. I'm friends with him, but he's not friends with me. But doesn't Dave hate LeBron? And I'm sure LeBron has seen that. Oh, right. So then, we're not gonna use Dave. Yeah, you don't even really want Barstool involved in this. Why not? It's going to be content. We're going to sell it.

Because LeBron probably hates Barstool. Well, we'll sell it to some... For like 20 years, Dave has been attacking LeBron. That is a wrench. I think this is doable though. All the things that people at this company get to do... I saw fucking. I think you're going to.

I saw Marty Bush can return a serve from Carlos Alcaraz. I can get LeBron's autograph on a childhood. I think your best bet is to go through Mantis. I. Yeah, you gotta go through Mantis. I bet Mantis weirdly has LeBron's phone number. Just call LeBron right now. The amount of things that people at this company get to do, I saw Frank the Tank walking out Morgan Wallen

with Theo Vaughn, and it was Frank the Tank walking out Morgan Wallen with Theo Vaughn and Max Crosby for the Vegas show. Wow. I bet Frank could help you out. I would go if I could narrow down your top five routes. Mantis, Frank. Mantis number one, Frank number two, Andrew Schultz number three. Lil Dicky. Lil Dicky. Well no, cause Schultz. Schultz and Lil Dicky are in person. You think Shane knows him? Shane I I was going to throw in there. Just because, like, yeah, probably. Shane might be able to get to him.

Yeah. Bailey, Carlin. Bailey. Kevin Bonner. Kevin Bonner. Those are my top five. Kevin Bonner through Brady. Two goats.

I mean, they probably have weekly meetings. Did you see the thing at Michael Roo? What party was it where Tom Brady came up and he didn't dap up LeBron, he went up and he tapped Savannah on the shoulder. Oh, I saw, yeah, that's family. If you know Savannah, if you go right to your sister instead of going to LeBron, that means that you're plugged in.

Wait, who's Savannah? Wifey. Okay, so now you just jeopardize the entire operation? You said sister, that's why I got confused. I'm saying that's Tom Brady's sister. Sister. Oh, that's a nice way to put it. Yeah.

I'm sorry, that's what threw me off. I was like, I thought that was LeBron's wife, but then it made me think that they were related. Have you ever seen the clip of Jay Cole at a basketball game talking to Dwyane Wade and when the conversation's over, he daps up Dwyane Wade and then he goes to Gabriel Union and then he also daps up Gabriel Union

and every six months it'll go viral because people are like, see fellas, this is how you treat a lady by dapping her up. Yeah. Or like this is how you make a man not feel uncomfortable around a woman by dapping her up. Yeah, but more like this is how you make a man not feel uncomfortable Around a woman by dapping her up. Tell you what if some someone dapped up a girl that I was seeing I don't know. I'd rather that they lay their penis across her forehead. Yeah, what the fuck? They can't just give a Christian side. He couldn't give a Christian side hug a perfect dapp

Practicing that yeah, that's it. Oh, dap. What are they practicing that? Yeah. That's what I, and it's a clean dap too. Yeah. Damn. J. Cole dapping up Gabrielle Union. You got to check it out and get to the bottom of it. I don't understand that why people think that that's better than just like a light side hug. Yeah.

You got to, you got to give a light hug to a lady. Dwayne Wade is very highly respected. I'll tell you that much. Except for the, except for by Matt Walsh I don't know who that is. Yeah, you do the dude from the daily the dude who has like video Like makes movies about why trans people aren't people or whatever. Yeah, I don't that doesn't even narrow it down That's like 10 million people Yeah

That's probably multiple dudes named Matt Walsh that make videos about how trans people aren't people Like in just in New York City, there's probably ten of them Yeah, definitely, but those people aren't fans of Dwayne Wade fair enough and they're probably not fans LeBron either We were at the Celtics. I was at the Celtics game I don't know a year or two ago and I don't remember who they were playing but oh they were playing the Knicks and Dwayne Wade was there at the game. And at one point in the fourth quarter, he got up and left and the whole section cheered for him.

Got up, stood up. And he didn't play for either of the teams. Yeah. You know, you could argue he played for a huge rival. Right. Because all those years that the Celtics, they were playing against the Heat in the playoffs. And that was the LeBron super

team. Yeah. Oh, eight, oh, nine. Yeah. You see Caitlin Clark got a standing ovation in Chicago. Why is that significant? Bro, do you follow ball at all? No. No. Because the fever, the fever and skyye are rivals. She's got a standing ovation in enemy territory. Because she dropped 30. And she's the white female Dwyane Wade, basically. Exactly. I didn't get all swept up in that stuff.

Dwyane Wade is a fine piece of dark chocolate. He is unbelievably good looking. Yeah. He's 90% cacao and fucking 100% delicious. He's healthy. He's actually healthy. He's that level of delicious chocolate that is healthy. So maybe we get LeBron's signature and then we just try and throw in Dwayne Wade as a little side, little side action.

He didn't play on the Cavs though. Doesn't matter. It's that team. No one's going to be like, okay, you got all the Cavs. It doesn't matter. It's that team. No one's going to be like, okay, you got all the calves. Do you know how many fucking lawns I'm going to have to mow to go get a throwback heat jersey that's authentic? But you know, I think you just add it on. No one's going to be upset about that.

Just a little bonus Dwayne Wade. Like if you had all the calves and Tom Brady, that's no one's going to be like, well, I don't want Tom Brady on here. And the bitches would love it because of how rare it is. You got all the caps and Dwayne Wade. Darius Miles, Dwayne Wade, Tom Brady. Who do you guys think are the finest brothers in the NBA? Not Pat Bev, that's for sure.

Kelly Oubre is a fine brother. I think Steph Curry is pretty handsome. Is it because of his success though? No, I think it's his eyes honestly. Oh, yeah his gaze his eyes are a crazy color Beautiful eyes baby blue Whenever see brothers with Steph Curry with just those beautiful baby blues Who's the Jesse William or Jesse? What's his name? Jesse Williams? Oh yeah, that guy.

He's a fine brother with beautiful eyes. Yeah, I don't watch enough NBA. I don't watch enough NBA to know who the hottest dudes in the NBA are. That's just giving me shit for not knowing the Liberty and the fucking Hawks or whatever. Yeah, you don't know the six string. Fever, bro. Bench players in the WNBA. Guy can't even name. Can't even name one hot NBA player.

One hot NBA player. Do you even. It's crazy to not know that Katelyn Clark just dropped 30 in Sky. In Skytown. Skytown. Skycoggo. Damn, we're such a fucking sports podcast.

I mean, she's rookie of the year. And now some of us are talking about maybe even MVP of the league. Stephen A. You, Stephen A. Bailey Carlin. She's in the conversation now. Is there any chance that her team wins the championship? They've won the last, what, like eight out of 10 games? Because Dave bet on them big time and it's a big bet. Yeah. What do you bet like 100,000 on them?

I don't know. But to win like fucking 15 million. Yeah, because they were not even close to they were like... On the Draft King sports book you can see how much he bets on every bet. Really? Yeah. I gotta check that out. It's depressing. I want to match his units. Go blow for blow. Yeah. Go M for M with Dave. Damn. Now I'm gonna try and stick to micro bets during NFL this year. I like this. Just like love of the game, fantasy football. Well I've realized that winning a $5 bet feels the exact same as winning a $50 bet. Well you need to win three $5 bets to get a fucking subway footlong these days. Yeah but I'm never actually doing anything with the money that I win.

I'm just saying $5 footlongs. Glennie Balls was fucking making a stink in the office. They're $14 now. Yeah. $5 footlongs. $14 bucks. Oh, price of bread. Price of bread went up.

I think I'm probably going to put $100 in my account and then I'm going to have that last for the first like five weeks of the season. Bro, I went fucking 4- oh on first college football Saturday. Really? Felt so good. I lost all my bets, I'm never betting it. Till I was talking to Tyler about that, I said I'm- You didn't bet on state?

Why would you not just bet on state? No, I did, but I do parlays. I'm a fool. You're a fool. But no, I'm not betting on college football the rest of the- I only bet first week because I was just excited to watch football, but now that NFL's back.

Are you guys in on that anytime touchdown, or on the touchdown score parlay? I took Zay Flowers week one. Did you? What are his odds? Plus 175. That's pretty good. Where is he now, the Chargers?

No, Baltimore. Zay Flowers, oh Zay Flowers. I was thinking of Gus Edwards. Gus Edwards. Where's Gus Edwards now? Chargers. Chargers, see, that's someone that, you don't even know who Gus Edwards is.

You have nothing to stand on after that error. You exposed yourself. You cannot, you need to take a timeout. Zay Flowers is a tight end, right? God, no, he's a tiny WR. Are you fucking serious, bro? Are you fucking serious? Real ass exposed.

I don't pay attention to the Ravens because I know that they're gonna choke every year. They don't have it in their bag. Just kidding, I'm going to Baltimore in October. I take that back. Where are you performing? The port. It's fun.

It's great. Go to a Thames Street Oyster House. Definitely gonna have to check that out. Go there. Thames Street Oyster. Did I tell you that they lost, the whole block lost power while I was there? Yeah, I remember you showing me that. It's not great.

We started the show Acapella in the dark. The whole audience sold out show. Darkness, no microphone. Fuck a beat. I go Acapella. Just holding the microphone microphone under your or holding a flashlight under your face like a spooky story So I was recently upgraded to Delta died That's what Schultz said he did that at helium in Philly or everybody told us that story on the yak Yeah, they lost power and he did the whole show by like candlelight. And then LeBron just smiled and fucking.

Yeah, LeBron was in the back. LeBron smiled on stage and lit up the room. You'll see the video of Kevin Hart. I think it's his first special and the whole Cavs team is there. He's shooting it, I think, in Cleveland. And Shaq was on the team. Oh, damn. And he does a bit.

He's just riffing. Are you sure it's not a Def Jam comedy All-Star Week? I'm... That's... Shaq was in the audience for that. I know that is what he ran, though. But this was Kevin Hart's special. The one where he talks about,

my mom told me to tell you to mind your damn mother fucking business, bitch. Long titty, no nipple, bitch. It's a special that launched Kevin Hart. Yeah. I remember watching that when it came out. He talks about how when Shaq falls during the games, it's the funniest thing he's ever seen.

Oh, yeah. And LeBron helping him up. And then the whole Cavs team is laughing so hard that they're standing up. Yeah. And like, it's so funny. Making Shaq laugh must be one of the top five experiences a human can...

What about cum? Yeah, making Shaq cum. Making him cum. Making him cum from laughter must be so fucking gratifying. Do you think you could get him close and then like power wash the rust off an old bicycle? With his load? Oh my God, there's no doubt in my mind.

You could probably do a whole deck. I bet he has a super average penis. No. god. There's no doubt in my mind. You could probably do a whole deck I bet he has a super average penis. No. Yeah, there's no way I bet it's I mean I bet it's huge But like for his body, I'm sure it's just normal proportionately average. Yeah, I'm sure it's like nine inches Who can we who can we go to to find how big Shaxcock? Who's our closest? I mean, I'm sure if we talked to Andrew Schultz, we could somehow get in on that. If we asked Bailey Carlin, we could get to the bottom of it. 22 foot? Triple E, size 22, triple E.

Yeah, he could fit a tank of gas in his shoe. That's almost triple my foot size. Yeah. Eight? Yeah, if I bought shoes tank of gas in his shoe. That's almost triple my foot size. Yeah. Eight. Yeah, if I bought shoes for Shaq in fucking Morocco, that tag would be like size 140. You could use one as a suitcase. Have you ever seen his shoes?

I haven't, but I've seen his hand print on a basketball, and I put my hand up against it, and I felt like a girl. I saw his shoe. I went to some, I think it was the basketball hall of fame and they have his shoe there and it's in a glass box and it was the size of my entire body at the time. It's insanely big.

It's insane. It's like curl up in it like a cat. It's crazy. That's all Sports Illustrated for kids used to be. Yep. It's just like pictures of Shaq's shoes. Oh, yeah. I used to, I had a subscription to that for a few years.

They had that comic at the very last page, Buzz something. Yes. It was great. Yes, those are great magazines. My childhood bedroom is covered in posters from there. And then it's untouched. Oh, yeah. I had that too.

I watched the posters from there too. But then I grew up and I subscribed to Slam magazine. Ah, very nice. And I would flip first to Scoop Jackson's column at the very last page. The only magazines I ever subscribed to were... I think I had, I definitely had Sports Illustrated for kids. I know I had that. You had Home and Garden, I'm pretty sure.

And then I had, no, I had the rap one. I had the XXL. Cat, Cat Aficionados Weekly. I used to go and buy the XXL magazines. Cause your parents wouldn't let you get it. No, just cause I thought they were cool. You were a Source household. Like I had the freshman,

I had all of the freshman class ones. Wasn't that the Source? XXL did Freshman, Source was its own, Source was also a good magazine. I, there was an article about me in the Source one, in Source magazine one in source magazine and I cut it out and I gave it to I like framed it and gave it to my mom. Yeah that's it. I would do it. But it was like way after like print magazines were like relevant

because they were like writing about me. It like had no meaning. Well all those magazines like XXL would come out like once a year though like they wouldn't print that magazine every week. Was there another one called Vibe? Yeah. Sounds familiar. I think Vibe and like Ebony were more like Black Lifestyle. Oh, okay.

I was very in on that. Yeah. Cigar Aficionado was like. Harry, your Vibe is here. Yeah. And then I'd run downstairs. Winnie Harlow's on the cover. Oh, look, the February issue of Vibe. I'd run downstairs. Winnie Harlow's on the cover. Oh, look, the February issue of Vine.

I'd run downstairs with my cornrows in. And you'd ride your hoverboard down the stairs. Yeah. Duk, duk, duk, duk, duk. Give me that magazine there, you devil woman. I'm Jamaican. Yeah. That's what you did.

Yeah. You spoke that way. You had a patois in your pre-teens. It's a young... Where's my cereal and milk? Tom Hanks' son Chet, you were Chet Hanks in the making. He's great at it. By the way, did you guys watch... Why didn't you cut the crushed off me PB&G. I'm sorry. That's okay. That was worth it. I couldn't.

That was better than when he does this. I couldn't leave a little bit of patois. Did we see the what? Did you guys see that show Your Honor with? Cranston. Cranston. No, but I've heard it's good. I thought it was terrible. Okay, good. Because I, a bunch of but I've heard it's good. I thought it was terrible. Okay good

because I a bunch of people were telling me it was good and I looked at the reviews and I was like... It's a mini series right? Season one. No they've made a second season. I thought it was fucking unbearably bad. Dude if a show has below like a seven five it's never good because shows get ranked way higher yeah I was just talking about trailer park boys trailer park boys is like an 8.5 out of 10 on IMDB hmm what did you dislike about it I mean it's just you know is they ran out of they they clearly committed to too many episodes and then ran out of ways to the first year was a little bit all over the place.

Like the judge would just like run through the city and like stumble upon the person that like, like it was just like the most serendipitous shit would happen. And then that show also midway through it was during Covid. So midway through, everybody was just wearing masks and they didn't explain it. Yeah. And then people just stopped wearing masks in the middle of it. They didn't acknowledge it at all, but everybody just randomly was wearing masks.

I thought the coolest thing about it was New Orleans. Just seeing New Orleans. But other than that, yeah, Bryan Cranston to me is too good of an actor to play a shit role. And I thought he was underused and it was... You probably got a bag for it. Yeah, absolutely, he did.

What kind of bag you think we're talking? 20 mil. That's what I was thinking too, 20. To see him go from, you know, Hal and Malcolm the Middle to... Mr. White in Breaking Bad, to playing Lyndon B. Johnson and like all these amazing roles he's had to then this show, which...

I liked Your Honor though you did okay I think that's this is my friends honestly I like that you guys hated it and you see I don't attack you guys for liking it yeah but Sarah just hasn't seen it yeah I haven't seen it you got to break the tie and watch this entire series for hours yeah I'd like to hear what you'd think about it. I mean, the premise is brilliant. It's a good premise for a show. It just felt thin to me. I'm kind of over the court, the court case movie shows. I thought the bad guy wasn't scary enough. That's why I brought this up. Really? Yeah. Did you guys watch Presumed Innocent? I'm from New Orleans. You like it? I thought that was pretty pretty good. Thought it was some hot mid. Yeah, hot mid is right.

B, B, flat. I thought it was bad. Maybe B minus. I thought it was so predictable, the entire show. You knew who did it? I knew it was going to be one of the kids. It's all, dude, the thing is, when you watch.

Wait a minute, we need to fucking do a trigger warning. That's a big spoiler. Oh, yeah. Well, who gives a shit? shit shows awful. Don't watch it Yeah, I guess I knew who I knew who was gonna be There's the kids right now. We'll bleep that or something. No, but uh, I didn't watch I don't even know what it's about the the the If you watch enough of those crime shows, those mini series thrillers, you know exactly what's gonna happen.

Like I knew. I didn't know. I knew, like you know it's gonna get to the end and then you're gonna be like, that's gonna be the last episode. You're gonna be like, oh my God, it was this person and then right in the last minute it's gonna change to be someone else. It happens in every single one of those shows.

Did you watch broken something pieces, of shattered objects? Shattered objects. Sharp objects? every single one of those shows. Did you watch Broken Something Pieces? Shattered Objects? Shattered Objects. Oh, Sharp Objects? Sharp Objects, Amy Adams. Yeah. That twist I did not see coming. No, but that's a great show.

That show, fuck, that twist left me like out of breath. That's the same person that did, what's it called? Spook. She was dead the whole time? You're thinking of Sixth Sense. That's the same author that did Gone Girl? Yes. So that's like a good writer.

It's not just some person who's like, let's make a thriller. Yeah, but that book wasn't as good as Gone Girl. Did you read it? No. I just read the first half. She wrote it before she wrote Gone Girl, and it didn't get much hype. She wrote Gone Girl, Gone Girl exploded,

and then people went back and read Sharp Objects. Isn't it crazy how many people write screenplays? Like, I feel like you could throw a rock and hit someone that writes screenplays, and yet the only screenplays that get made are adaptations from books, remakes of old movies, or sequels to movies. Well, I think that's like a big thing right now,

people don't like that. But lots of people, well, first off, that's all that gets made if you look at the box office this summer. But there's so many people that write screenplays. How are there not more great screenplays that are coming out that are getting written? Because I think it's the studios don't want to take that.

It's a much easier risk to take if there's a book that people liked to be like, OK, so the story's definitely good. This time we just have to make it into a show and people are gonna like the story. I got trapped in a fucking chick flick. And it was an adaptation of a book. It was called, It Ends With Us. I've heard of it.

Oh my God. Who's in that? Lively. Blake? Blake. Blake of the Year. That bitch. Lively. Do people hate her? I don't think so. Right now. Blake? Blake. Blake of the Year. That bitch. Lively. Do people hate her? Right now they do, yeah.

Really? Because she's pregnant? No, she did something about domestic violence that didn't sit well. That movie's about domestic violence. I think that's what it was. It was that she, I don't know, I can't remember exactly what it was. I don't know. She got something wrong about it though. The movie starts with her just being like, she like meets a guy on the roof and she's like,

so what do you do for work? And he's like, brain surgeon. And it's just like this female porn for like girls thinking that they're just going to like be on the roof and like meet a brain surgeon. And she immediately starts going into quirky girl mode and being like, basically talking like the little kid from Jerry Maguire being like, did you know that human brain weighs like seven pounds? And it's like this girl fantasy of being a random girl who just like meets brain surgeons and is so quirky that she can't stop saying like off kilter facts. It made my stomach churn. I was screen laughing in the movie theater. I got a dirty look.

Oh, you went to the theater for it. I saw it in the theater. You went to the theater? Wow. I saw it in the theater. Did you go to movie pass? No. It was while I was in upstate New York.

And bro, they're redlining the movie theaters up there. There's literally one half of the movie theater is beautiful recliner seats for like the rich folk and then the other side is just like regular old-fashioned movie seats for the poor folk. Interesting. Wow. You can literally, they gerrymandered the movie theaters and you can see who's rich and who's poor right in there. The movie theaters here are so nice that, like when I grew up there, they didn't, none of the theaters around me were, I didn't even know they had theaters that had like the recliners and shit in them.

I don't think they did though. Yeah. That's a newer thing. They just not had them, yeah. But now, now I'm like, I'm not, I don't go to a movie theater that doesn't have them. Nor would I. Yeah. My problem is it does make me a little sleepy.

Really? Having my feet up reclined like that. Oh, it's so nice. I end up, I fell asleep in Alien Romcom. Really? Yeah. When? Just for like five minutes.

I don't know, a lot of explosions were happening. Yeah, the movie was a little slow. I still slept through it. Not slow. That movie, I don't know. It was a good movie. You said a lot of explosions were happening and then you said the movie was slow. It was just like, it could have ended I think 30 minutes earlier than it did. Agreed. Slow ass explosions. I don't know. It was a movie that I was like, it was worth seeing. I don't know. It was a movie that I was like, well, I was like, it was worth seeing. Like I didn't regret seeing it. Explosions are like the least slow thing, but I don't think I would ever watch it again. Like I've, I won't. Betrayal is also a big one. That's not that slow.

Yeah, betrayal usually happens like that. Twists, first kisses. First kisses. They really just happen like that. Usain Bolt running. Revenge. But it can be cold but not slow. It's swift when it happens but it can take quite some time.

Slow Burn. Slow Burn. Like Salt Burn. That's the worst movie of all time? No. Yes. You just are a deep-seated homophobe. You just are terrified of gay people. You quake in your boots when you walk through the house kitchen.

No, I mean, it was just a carbon copy of fucking Mr. Ripley. Sass has not licked the bottom of a tub ever since that movie came out. That movie was so bad. Yeah. It enrages me that people pretend to like it. Mr. Ripley licked the cum first. No, Mr. Ripley was like a good movie with an actual story. Did Barry Keon, did he break up with Sabrina Carpenter? I was trying to- I hope that she broke up with him. Really? You dislike him that much? I hate him. Big, big, big hog though. Good horn. I hate him

because of that movie, because of how bad it was. Good horn on that guy. Did you wait till the end of the movie to see his wrench? Yeah, I watched the whole movie. It was awful. I didn't enjoy a second of it. And you didn't get a little bit... The entire movie, I was like, this is awful. Do you think he was fluffing his horn before those scenes?

Probably, yeah. Probably wasn't even his real horn. I bet it was his real horn. Prosthetic? Yeah. God, no. No. No way. No way. It's just like a... You didn't like Banshees of Inner Sheeran? I can tell when there's a fake horn. Oh yeah.

It's just one of those freak A24 movies that are just like re-act... Like it's just the whole movie is based on people leaving the theater being like, that was crazy. Did you like Banshees of Inner Sheeran? It was so weird. What? Did you like Banshees of Inner Sheeran? It was so weird. What? Did you like Banshees of Inner Sheeran? I didn't see it. Is he in it? Yeah. Skip. Did you like, uh, did you like Dunkirk?

Hated it. It's my least favorite Christopher Nolan movie. So you really might have- I watched that movie, I was falling asleep, like a heavy sleep. Even through the explosions? Not even a- That's me. Not even a five minute sleep, like one of those ones where your head's bobbing around.

Snoring in the movie theater. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. It was one of those. Cause I hated that movie so much.

You wake yourself up with a snore. I watched a movie in my apartment after Oppenheimer. Or no, I watched Oppenheimer and then I rewatched Interstellar. And then I was like, let's keep this Nolan train moving. What if I had not, what have I not seen? 10 hours of movies. I know.

And I was like, what if I not- It's probably four in the morning. What have I not seen? And I was like Dunkirk and I love war movies. This is my favorite type of movies. Watched it awful Harry Styles sucked. Did you like 1918? Yeah, it's 1917.

1917, did you like that one? It was great, it was awesome. Did you like Hacksaw Ridge? Oh, one of my favorite movies. Interesting. Who's named that? Andrew Garfield? Yeah. Yeah. You like him? I love him.

Vince Vaughn. I didn't love Hacksaw Ridge. Vince Vaughn being in it was a little weird, but Andrew Garfield's great in it. And I love Andrew Garfield. Yeah. Did you like Big Boom, bro? 3090, 303090.

I would never watch that. I would never watch that. That movie is great. What about a... What a strange taste you have. I loved that movie. That movie was so good. I couldn't predict what movies you would like and not like if my life depended on it.

The songs in that movie are so good. 3090, 303090. That's Lin-Manuel who wrote it. It's based loosely on his life, right? Yeah. Yeah. Wait, is it based off Lin-Manuel's life or based off the guy? No, it's the guy who wrote Rent. Yeah, you're right. You're right. In the Heights is based off his life. That's based off Lin-Manuel. I saw that with the original cast with Lin-Manuel on Broadway. Yuck. Yuck. That guy sucks. I liked it much more than cast with Lin-Manuel on Broadway. Yuck. Yeah, that guy sucks

I liked it much more than I liked Hamilton. I'll say that there's a rapper named immortal technique. I know him Yeah, he could get us the bronze autograph He went to high school with Lin-Manuel Miranda and he used to like lock him in a dumpster Rock Lin-Manuel. He would like three he literally threw him in a dumpster. Rock Lin-Manuel? He would like, he literally threw him in a dumpster in high school. Which is like pretty indicative. Yeah. Damn. That's indicative as hell. That's so indicative. That indicates so fucking much. I'm surrounded by trash and I can't find my way out. Locked in a bin and it sucks in here. Yeah that that's actually such a good Lin-Manuel Miranda impression and then like Broadway then the Tony

Tony Awards would fucking nut themselves like Shaq power washing the deck callbacks callbacks and drugs Stay up stay the fuck up. We got to go to a Movie together just us guys or maybe like a live watch of a movie. Did you watch Audity yet? No, I can't. Yeah, it's on streaming. Now it's out? It's been out since literally the week, with a Monday we left Cleveland. The times when I was trying to watch it,

it was not available. It came out the Monday after we left. Are you sure about that? Positive, yeah, it's been out. You sure about that? Positive. Give me a, my wife's out of town for the night. Give me- Boys night. Boys night, well give me a- my wife's out of town for the night. Give me- Boys night.

Boys night. Well give me a fucking movie. Cause she never wants to fucking watch any movies unless Blake Lively's domestically abusing someone in the- Hate that shit bro. Hate that shit. Give me a sure fire guaranteed banger of a fucking watch from any- it doesn't have to be new. Guy Ritchie's The Covenant. I've watched that 12 times. I'm telling you right now Ritchie's The Covenant. I've watched that 12 times. I'm telling you right now. I'm watching it again, bro.

It's Mad Max Furiosa for me. No, that's not really our speed. Yeah. That's more your kind of thing. Mad Max Furiosa, I can't speak highly enough of that movie. I saw him watching it on the plane and it was a snooze. It's better than Fury Road? No, I don't think it's better than

Fury Road. Because I see Fury with Brad Pitt and Shia LaBeouf. Fury's pretty good. That movie is phenomenal. They have cool haircuts in that movie, right? It's a World War II movie. Yeah. I watched that movie in theaters. John, what's his name? I saw that movie with Bo in theaters and he forgot his glasses so we had to sit front row. You were to describe everything that was going on to him. I was furious. The Nazis are shooting at him Yeah, that movie is so sick. It's pretty fury Oh, it's not my favorite movie exclusively about having cool haircuts No, not at all. Does Brad Pitt have the sides of his head shaved? I think so. Yeah. Yeah exactly that entire movie like Was indicative that movie so exactly. That entire movie like was indicative.

That movie. So indicative. That's so indicative. That movie, Shia LaBeouf has that massive gash on his head. You know, it's real. He did it himself. What? Yeah, he was like, I'm not,

that was when he was like, I think that was when he was like going crazy. And he was like, I'm not doing makeup. I'm making this real. And he like cut himself. John Bernthal's very good in that movie. John Bernthal's good in everything he does. Oh, I mean. Give me some backup. That's so indicative. Give me some backup recos. and he like caught himself. John Bernthal's very good in that movie. John Bernthal's good in everything he does.

I mean, that's so indicative. Give me some backup recos. Why are we using this word all of a sudden? It's one word, skills. Indicative. Because it's just like Sass's butt cheeks, got a dick in the middle. Indicative.

Give me some give me some other Give me some other recommendations because I didn't like the first I didn't really love Fury Road I know people fucking loved it. I thought it was fine road then then you may not love this. I don't know I loved it though. It's fucking cool. If you watch it on a big TV with like good sound, it's Brother cool. Have you seen a setup? That watching that show on a big TV with good sound. And I got sono since you guys have been over. Oh, did you get the soundbar?

You get the full surround? I have the bar with the two towers. Oh, that is big. Put them in the fucking corner. I'm like, dude, for the surround sound, they need to be surrounding us. They can't be in the fucking over there. They should be behind us.

You know what you're doing wrong there is if you get rid of a wife, they won't say that anymore. I Can put my speakers wherever I want once I can afford to buy them again You need to win Survivor so you can get so no I'm gonna tell Dave I need that money Remember when Sonos first came out and it was like the first time that people could like play music in a different room? I remember my dad got Sonos speakers and he'd be like in the bathroom and start playing music and he'd be like,

you hear that? I'm playing it from in here. And it would just be like annoying as fuck. I got a guy who's gonna install some Sonos for me. I'm a little worried though because I'm hearing that the company's not doing very well. That's probably... I would go with some bows to be honest brother. When companies aren't doing well? I think it's Bang and Olufsen is the way forward. I don't know. I've never heard of that so probably. I think

sometimes when companies aren't doing well like that, that it... I'm not sure if this is the reason, but their products are so good that they can't make money on them. Like the 2008 Ford Fusion. Ford had to discontinue. Ford had to discontinue the Ford Fusion because the car is so fucking good that they can't make cash on it. I don't understand. Why would that be the case? Cost too much money, can't make the price too much higher because no one's gonna buy it. Oh, exactly. Oh, there's not a big enough margin on the product.

Yes, they're not making good margins because the fucking product's so damn good. I heard that Ford was only making $15 on the Ford Fusions that they sold. That they're losing money on it actually. Because of the sticker price. Yeah, but... I could be wrong. I could be wrong as well. Bezos said we're going to not make money for 20 years.

And then he built biggest company in the world. And then Elon Musk had twins with his secretary. That's true and named them, you know. Xylophone. Combination of letters and numbers. He only did that with one of his, he did that with Grimes. But imagine being like the rest of the brothers and sisters that are named like Steve John. Yeah It's up FedEx

What is that cheaper by the dozen they call the kid FedEx because they said he was dropped off That's funny. Just not a movie. I'm familiar. Steve Martin, bro. I know There is one really funny scene in that movie where the kid shits all over the walls. Yeah, so you are familiar with the movie. No, I'm not. Yes, you are. You just did like a deep-cut movie scene from that movie.

Uh, I heard that scene's great. Cheaper by the Dozen's a classic. Canoe race, they go on the Outrigger Canoe and they do the canoe races across the lake. I heard about that too. The original Cheaper by the Dozen was the classic. Yeah. Original one, not the Steve Martin one.

Is there one before Steve Martin? I think there is. Who's in it? Or maybe I'm thinking of the book. You know what I love? Speaking of Outrigger canoes. Cheaper by the Dozen will be the worst book of all time. I'm pretty sure.

I love the joy on the face of that kid in the first season of White Lotus when he keeps escaping to do the canoe with the face of that kid in the first season of White Lotus when he keeps escaping to do the canoe. I never watched White Lotus. You're tough, man. You're a tough idiot. How? We've been talking about movies for the last 30 minutes and then you named one that I haven't seen and all of a sudden I'm like, I don't even want to be around you anymore. The funniest shit was when I said that I auditioned for White Lotus and all of those, all of the Barstool fans were convinced that it was like

between me and the dude that got the role. Yeah, I remember that. I was, I literally sent in a tape. That's like me and 40,000 other dudes. And the tape was so bad that you haven't gotten audition since? No, I did audition for a movie recently. What? Big one.

Let's go. I didn't get it. I'm saying the fact you auditioned. Oh yeah, it was one line. Can you tell us the movie? Can you tell us the movie? Happy Gilmore 2. You did?

Yeah. Did you actually? Yeah. He did it. I swear to God I did. You were the caddy? No. It was like I literally had one line. I'm not, I didn't did it. I swear to God I did you were the caddy. No, that was like I literally had one line I'm not I didn't get it. I think they already picked the people really cuz I

Jenk said that he's still trying to get Frank the Tank as the role of the guy who? heckles shooter McGavin or heckles happy Gilmore, he should get that that would be sick. Yeah After he walked out Morgan Wallen in Vegas Yeah, that's true. I don't fucking anything could happen. Anything's possible. Leave those Broadway girls alone. I don't know anything about Morgan Wallen aside for that he yelled the M word that one time. And threw the chair off the deck the other time. Yeah. Rockstar shit. Screaming the M word is rock star shit.

Screaming the M word in anger. It's just country, bro. That's country music. I'm country. Blake Shelton does that shit all the time. Blake Lively does that shit all the time. That's why everyone's so mad at her. She's lively. It wasn't the domestic violence.

It was the fact that she screamed the n-word while she did the domestic violence What was I gonna say? I don't remember there was that one something you were starting to sell I had there was I remember What it was though? You're tough hang bro, I am always forgetting shit. I am a tough hang tough Why did you have negronies last night spy yourself? yourself. I met a guy. Just in the dark. Yeah? A very cool dude. I had a drink with a guy that I met on Instagram. What?

I'm not even kidding you. You're meeting people like crazy. This guy's cool. Your social wings are flapping. Trying to be a little bit more interesting in my life. You at the stand tonight? You are? Interesting. Me too.

Couple Negronis. No. No more drinking. It's gotta stop. I didn't even want to drink last night, but then he ordered a martini and I was like, I can't order a phony Negroni. Which is what I wanted to have. I went to Misi a couple nights ago. Wilford, it's great. Fucking incredible.

Spectacular. People say that it's the veggies there that you have to get and that the pasta is whatever. The pasta is just indicative, but the pasta is incredible as well. Yeah, I'm sure it is. It's gotta be. Misi's up there. Made from scratch. Oh.

Misi's in the conversation for Italian Restaurant of the Year. Absolutely. You know what's been popping up on my social media a lot lately? Do tell. Hot dudes walking through populated areas with a camera behind them that records the reactions of women looking at them. But almost always they're like in a country where prostitution is legal. Exactly.

I saw that one in Columbia with the six foot eight black guy who's really handsome. Yeah. I also think that if you zoomed in on anyone's face close enough as you walked by them, you could make their face look, you know, whoa, whatever. You know what I mean? I want to recreate one of those where it's me walking down the street and it's like, like moms walking with their kids, like pulling pulling their kids the other side of the sidewalk. Someone like short leashed a dog.

Yeah, yeah. Well, you could just cover your front with blood or something like that and not show that. I could just be my, the way I carry myself. Yeah, you walking on a fucking right angle with your fucking shitty ass posture. Yeah, this guy's, that guy's hands are covered in scales from a trout and he beats death. You absolute monster. Vision board, bro.

This could be us one day. I'm not a big car guy. I don't need a nice car. Don't you have a Tesla? Yeah, but I bought a used. It's like a nice ass Tesla. It's a three. I bought it for 20 grand.

Also, I heard Teslas now. I'm not saying that that's not a lot, but it for 20 grand. Also I heard Tesla's now. Not saying that that's not a lot, but it's not a. You said 20 grand? 20,000 bucks, that's what I paid for my car. And with a tax credit, aren't new Teslas like 28 grand now? Yeah, I think so. I bought it used. You ever worry about that thing killing you?

Nope. Really? Not really. Exploding? Just like I've seen like they get in crashes and then they kind of just like take off. Or like they do like in 2001 in Space Odyssey. It's like how?

I don't think I can pull over Mr. Ellis. Yeah. Oh. I'll have to pull it. Then take me for a ride. I am a passenger of my own life. I believe now at this point I no longer have the reins and whoever's guiding me, let's see where it goes.

You're talking about G-O-D, bro. Exactly. Absolutely. You're talking about the Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I read that those are the most dangerous cars in the world right now. That is the type of attitude that you're just trying... Who told you that? A coal miner? Yeah. That's exactly who. A miner. Yeah, that's exactly who. When I did Providence last year, I was talking

to some, there was a guy in the crowd who was a, he worked on wind farms off of Martha's Vineyard or whatever. And then there was another guy who was a fisherman and he, the fisherman hated the guy who worked on the wind farms. And I was like, why do you hate him? And then he listed like 20 facts about how wind farms are actually worse for the environment and the science is all backwards and it doesn't even work and all this. And I have no idea if that's true or not. But I was like, well, ultimately what's the issue?

And he was like, well, you know, it's fucking up our fishery. Yeah. The hatch. How? I don't know. Are they in water? Yeah. Yeah. They're they're gigantic. Oh, so they probably have to like and they probably drop dynamite into the fucking water. It could be that.

And maybe the swirling of the fan belt, whatever the thing, the blades somehow scares the fish away. I don't know. I don't know either. But that guy was convinced that they are not good. I'm sure he's right. I think that people that work in industries that are being disrupted by alternative energy sources are just balking naturally against them.

But that doesn't necessarily mean that alternative energy sources are bad. Well at least fishermen can get other jobs. I have a soft spot in my heart for people in coal mining towns because like in the middle of West Virginia there's not a ton of industry. If there was a bunch of coal mining jobs and then the coal mines dried up because some fucking Washington DC politician said that they don't want any more coal mines. It's like, okay, well, what are these people supposed to do? Yeah, I don't know. I trust Elon on this one. Elon, I watched a speech he gave to a collection of truck drivers or something. He was like, guys, it's over.

It's just not going to work anymore. We have to do this. Yeah. You told him learn to code? Something like that. That's so fucked. They're booing this. Learn to code? Yeah. You told him learn to code? That's crazy. That's so fucked. They're booing him. The truckers were? I think so. It was really interesting.

He just stared them down and was like, you're out of your fucking mind if you think that we can continue to drive cars and trucks like this. That's a perfect time to have Asperger's. Oh yeah. Zero sympathy. A room of truckers are fucking screaming at you? Yeah. I don't care. It's over.

Yeah. What is the noise? Find a new job. Jesus. That's funny as hell. Am I not being clear? Yeah. But he beat, I mean, he just fully like beat them down with it.

Oh, yeah. It was, I don't know, it was kind of shocking. It was not a gentle letdown at all. No, I don't know, it was kind of shocking. It was not a gentle let down at all. No, I'm sure. Which is what politicians will do. Yeah. They'll be like, look, we're not, it's only going to delete 4% of your jobs or like, you guys can learn to drive electric trucks or whatever. Like, Elon was like, yeah, the earth is done if we continue to let you guys work. Damn. They should just stop the cows from farting for real. I know.

They should have Elon go talk to the cows. I wonder what's over. It's over. What is that? What is the... Yeah. What is the feeling about Elon Musk right now? Cause I know it's shifted so much over,

like over the last 10 years. What do you think the general consensus is about him? I think it depends on who you ask. If you ask like somebody who if you ask the Krasenstein brothers and Colin Rugg, then he's probably saved America. You know who those people are, the people right and left wing on Twitter who just like make a billion dollars a month by just posting the same video that everybody has already seen. You're talking about Billy football?

Yeah. Talking about Billy football. I don't know them, but I guess that's what I'm wondering is like politically who likes Elon Musk? Both sides hate him or both sides like him? I don't know. I think it's, I think it's right wing. He's way more right wing now.

He's like very pro Trump now. Trump did his space thing. Yeah, so but that's then, then if he's espousing, you know, alternative fuel sources, that's a pretty left wing thing to do. Agenda. That's why I was surprised to hear that.

But that's always been his MO. I think he believes in, I mean But that's always been his M.O. I think he believes in. I mean, that's his company. Yeah, he probably hates the woke mind virus, honestly. Yeah, who doesn't? People talk about these new COVID maps that COVID is going around crazy. I haven't seen the map for the woke mind virus. That's why we did our our draft through Sleeper and not ESPN.

Oh, yeah. Go woke, go broke. Yeah, exactly. What's Sleeper? The software that we use. No, I know that, but what is it, why is it? It's an alt-right fantasy football drafting program. Ha ha ha. That's why you can't draft any of the gay players. Nick Bozo was first round pick.

We did our fantasy football draft through Truth Social. Ha ha ha social truth fantasy First round picks Nick Boza Josh Allen Joe burrow and then the quarterback only followed the white guys Drake guys Listen to Theo von interview Bernie Sanders and then Trump? No. I watched some of the Trump one. I watched like five minutes of the Trump one. I thought they were both great.

Yeah. He just did a great job of just asking them questions and being funny. I got to wonder, I wonder how nervous he was. Probably pretty nervous. He's a guy who doesn't seem like he ever gets nervous, but he had to be nervous. What backstage at the Barstool Nashville thing, we were just chilling back there and he's like, dude, I'm so nervous. Yeah, but he always says that. Well, then why... If he always says he gets nervous, why would you think he's a guy that never gets nervous?

No, I'm saying I wonder... I bet he was very nervous for those interviews, but he comports himself with the same, you know, fucking aplomb. I'd be more nervous for Trump than Bernie because Bernie's not a candidate. Yeah, I agree with that. I assume because Bernie, they just did it in his studio. Terrified to interview Trump. Yeah. He's just talking about doing cocaine to Trump and Trump's like, is that a brighter high? Yeah. No, he goes, he goes, oh, that's down and dirty. Is that a brighter high?

Yeah. No, he goes, he goes, Oh, that's down and dirty. And that's my point that Theo von would still do Theo von to Trump. Yeah. Cause he was like that, that shit will have you out on your own front porch. And it's like, Trump walked out of Allie G interviewing him. Yeah. If you get too silly with Trump. But Trump also said that- His son loved him.

Barron's a big fan. Yeah. That helped. But he did great with Bernie Sanders too, I thought. Oh, I thought he was excellent. I'm surprised he had the comfort level to do and talk some of the kind of zany, crazy stuff that he says with anyone else. And then Glennie Balls is gonna be on next week.

Yeah. Is that so? No, he was already on though. Glennie Balls following up the Trump interview is so funny. Fuck yeah. All right. All right. Well, this was fun.

Sash, you're done? All right, I guess we're all done then. No, we can end it early. I'll be at Austin's Creek in the cave, September 19, 20th weekend. I hope you guys will come to that. Lots of new stuff, new jokes, tickets at punchup.live slash frances.

Ellis? Please go watch my Don't Tell set, and my tour dates are available at littlesasquatchwebsite.com. And September 14 in New York City, the nicest. Come through and see people compliment rap battle each other. Yeah. All right.

We'll see you guys next week. Goodbye.