Son of a Boy Dad - In Chicago w/ Nick & KB | Son of a Boy Dad #157 (LIVE)

Episode Date: December 14, 2023

In Chicago w/ Nick & KB | Son of a Boy Dad #157 (LIVE) -- Ad: Grab a refreshing Twisted Tea today at https://www.twistedtea.com/locations -- Follow us on our socials: https://linktr.ee/sonofaboydad -- Merch: https://store.barstoolsports.com/coll... -- SUBSCRIBE TO THE YOUTUBE #SonOfABoyDad #BarstoolSportsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, Son of a Boy Dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. All right. Welcome back to the Son of a Boy Dad podcast live from HQ5, Chicago offices. Is this five? Yeah. So yours is four.

Mine's four. Was yours, you had yours before this one? No, but we bumped it up. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We jumped it. Yeah. It's kind of just how we do over in New York. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Take charge. I've been. Oh, yeah. Are we familiar? I've been. I've been. You remember me and Sass from Son of a Boy Dad, but we're joined today by Nick and KB. Who you guys probably aren't too familiar with.

These guys, they work at Barstool. Really funny guys. I actually, the most, every time that somebody recognizes me, they say Son of a Boy Dad. Yeah. Like, yo, Son of a Boy Dad. It's happened with you a couple times. It happened with Owen. Big Cat did it yesterday.

Yeah. Yeah. So people. He was talking about your guy's show. It's not right you oh yeah he did actually do that congrats on 100k boys that's a thank you yeah blow off of it where do we are thinking about that we're working on an episode right now where we're gonna promo little late for that little late for that that's kind of how we do we're very relaxed here i think you should take a picture of the plaque, but be standing above it fucking naked. That's fucking good shit.

Yeah. Love that idea. Thanks, bro. Now we're thinking about doing, we're working on an episode concept right now where we all have to go out and buy crack and see who can get the most amount of crack. Most crack? Yes. This stems because there's a man that smokes crack across the street from me.

Okay, so you could probably get it. You probably can't get a lot of crack from him. Hypothetically, you could get as much as you want it, right? Yes, but we only have, I think, a week to do so. Could you make the crack? That is also an option. No, I don't think that's... Well, I guess no, because then Roan...

How do you even make crack? It's what, Coke and baking soda? I have no idea. Is that really? Gun to your head, Sass. I think that's what it's like, yeah.hone. How do you even make crack? It's what, Coke and baking soda? I have no idea. Is that really? Gun to your head, Sass. I think that's what it's like, yeah. What neighborhood are you going to get crack? Times Square.

Yeah? Yeah. They have crack in Times Square? I think they have everything in Times Square. Nick is, I don't want to spoil it, but you're writing a movie script involving this, right? No, it was this idea I had. Okay, maybe we'll fall back from this idea. Yeah, yeah, maybe leave this to his script. I'm not writing a movie script about that. Yeah, you are this idea I had. Maybe we'll fall back from this idea. Yeah, yeah. Maybe leave this to his script.

I'm not writing a movie script about that. Yeah, you are. Not about that. It's similar. Not a guy who wants to kill himself, but he's so Catholic and he knows suicide sends you to hell. He spends this day trying to die a hero in the city of New York. That's amazing. That's a great idea.

Thanks. What? You're actually writing this? Yeah, it's like a rom-com. That's a great idea thanks what is so you're actually doing you're actually writing a rom-com that's a great idea i shouldn't have probably said it uh we're live now nothing we can do about it yeah you're right yeah it's because it's it's not based off of any true events at all it's about a guy who was raised catholic wants to die so bad um and yeah that's a really good idea i like that a lot keeps on trying to get in situations where he dies a hero and he's like falling upwards it's oscar bait i don't know i think it's more

like netflix hidden gem yeah but it's one that you find on netflix and you go dude that movie was awesome you've got to check this out yeah like no that you and then you start looking at movies like that movie and then of course none of the movies are similar at all. It's always fucking love and robots. Who's the other Logan Lerman? Dylan O'Brien. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What does it have to do with crack, though?

No, it doesn't. Oh, no. It's like I was trying to lay segue that because I know you want to talk about. No, I didn't. I haven't. There is like a. It doesn't matter all right so we're gonna we're gonna move forward with our crack idea you guys can do the track green light you got it i'll write a movie you guys do the crack thing

because i thought i was just waiting for it to be like i thought he was so pious i didn't want to talk about drugs at the first time I was talking about. Maybe this was my idea then. Yeah, maybe. Okay. What was your idea? We're going to red light it for now. See if anything comes up.

No, let's yellow light it. Yeah. Yeah. KB's idea. We'll throw a yield sign. So you guys can have the idea. All right. Thank you.

Are you sure? Because it feels like. They're pretty much the debate stemmed from where me, who would be able to buy more crack or who would be able to buy crack easier. Would it be me, Roan, or Francis? Roan. Francis would be the worst. I agree.

I said it would be Roan because I think Roan also knows drug dealers. Crack dealers aren't drug dealers. Yeah. But you have a drug dealer who you told me offered to sell you insane drugs. But it was like those are like designer, like, cool guy, intellectual drugs. I thought he offered to sell you meth. But it was like dimethyl tryptaline off a blotter or some shit like that. It was like out of a

vial or something like that. It wasn't like fucking hard white crack. Yeah, it was tryptaline. You could say the long word of DMT. I don't even know if that's what it was. Is that what it is? It sounded like DMT it probably was some shit like that but it was like

very it was like a tiny little thing it wasn't like you think of crack and you think of a guy on a fucking dirty ass street corner with like his ass crack hanging out who's selling crack so he can buy other crack yeah Francis somehow starts crushing surviving

bars crack yeah Francis somehow starts crushing surviving bars that's that's the trajectory yeah you just wind up with a dog collar on it fucking you see Jerry saying they were like do you can wash the onion if you want to do you see that no it was from like earlier on Jerry after dark news they were like you can wash the onion if you want to he's like I'm not washing the

onion I used to smoke crack I'm not worried about what's on the dude honestly smoking crack for a long time gives you a good excuse yeah not do stuff that would be the biggest slob yeah unhygienic slob it's literally like you're just like well at least i'm not smoking crack yeah you can eat mcdonald's every day and be like well i'm not smoking crack so it's still better it's better for my body than all the crack i used and your immune system is probably crazy oh yeah 100 i wonder how skinny he was when he was on the crack was he a fat crack boy jerry doesn't jerry's not someone that i look like that i look at and i think he's like fat i think he's just i imagine him just being like weirdly strong but then i saw him and i thought when i first saw him i was like oh he's blue

collar and he can fight yeah and then i saw him in rough and thought when I first saw him, I was like, oh, he's blue collar and he can fight. Yeah. And then I saw him in Rough and Rowdy. He has the genetics of like a wrestler. Yes. The permanent bulk. Yeah, remember when he was like, it was you and him doing wrestling stuff? Yeah. Even one episode of a wrestling pod?

The community is distraught. They are so disappointed. And you were... Yeah. Doing it? Because like they were so excited. They have unfair expectations though. Yeah. Like they thought you were going to make... We really excited. They have unfair expectations, though. Yeah.

Like they thought you're going to make. We really did. We did one interview and we started a YouTube account. And that was a year ago. Wait, is the YouTube accounts to nothing since Barstool Wrestling? There's got to be like 30,000 Barstool channels out there that just put out one episode and never did it again. I've done some trial. I've done some podcast episodes.

I think they were canned. Like me, Feidelberg and Marty had like a science fair podcast my first year. What? We recorded like two episodes. I remember that. I don't remember that. What do you mean a science fair podcast?

Like you each episode you had to like present your science fair. I don't know. It was. I was coming up with ideas last night and that was one of the things that I wrote down. Science fair? Yeah. I have a full movie on it yeah but I was also just writing down anything

I could think of they did a science fair so how was that your idea that you came up with I don't think it's mine I don't think I created the science fair you just want to do something that the other podcast did you're an asshole you're a real piece of work I agree that we need

ideas i don't know if we have to walk across broken glass or hot coals or some shit like that i don't know physically abuse ourselves you gotta start getting wet that that's next step for us that's fucking genius are you guys ever going to give that up nice traps maybe you could pass that back to leave that in new york we should have had like a divorce or like the parent like the divorce photo of them splitting up the beanie babies in the back of their mind we know it's worthless but we should have had some kind of hearing where we got to keep some of the shit right what do we have kept we'll reset me and kyle you got nail wheel and you got you got to start doing we got to we i feel like we i don't know it's just dude podcasting

is hard like growing a podcast is tough growing it's hard hit 100k yeah but dude we were at 97k for two years and it was all off the strength of sass's funny videos yeah which grew the channel immensely but now he refuses to do i've grown but you do sketch comedy now i've moved on from sketch no no no i still do that but the i moved on from the phone videos which i should just start doing them again but yeah i started doing one in my apartment i was bored last week and i was just i realized i think i'm too old i don't think you're too old dude they're they're a lot more of a pain than you i was i was doing a guy finding out the village people were gay in the middle of YMCA. And I was just like, what am I doing, man?

What was the premise? Guy found out they were gay during the C of YMCA. And he was just trying to play it cool. That's really funny. Can we look at the video? It's gone, man. You deleted it off your phone? You hated it that much?

I was just like, what am I doing? There was no end. He has a lot of drafts that are very good. I've scrapped thousands of fucking videos. You got to just give them to somebody else. No. I just feel like I haven't even had an idea for one of those videos in so long. Because you put all your ideas into stand-up.

Yeah. Yeah. And podcasting. No. Oh. No. And podcasting. No. Oh, no. But I did actually that Jimmy Fallon, that unbelievably funny Jimmy Fallon joke. That was hilarious.

I did save that for podcasting. I did that the other day. I said, I'm going to save this for. I wrote this morning the Joker when he split the pool cue, but it's a double headed dildo. That's all. That's all I had today had today dude most of my ideas are really bad yeah i think everybody yeah i think what percent of ideas are bad they say there's no bad ideas that's a fucking lie there's a lot of bad ideas well ideas are just different like they're different for different things like you're the joker splitting the like that's that was funny

to say as a sentence like it wasn't a bad idea but if you made it into like a fucking feature no i want to like i want to sell this idea i think that's a good idea stretch this across 20 minutes so it's already a double-headed dildo and it's it's yeah because he splits it over his knee he tosses it to like two chicks maybe that's how the one of the original dildo like the dildo they were all they always used to be double-sided yeah i'm i know the guy that invented the the single-sided dildo which was invented 70 years after the double-sided dildo there there really is no reason for a single side like they should all be double-sided i mean i guess technically it is but just without it no well the stem of the balls if you especially no one

wants the ball he wants the balls of a dildo you know they're not realistic balls they're like fucking rocks yeah you can't juggle have you been feeling dildo balls no i can't yeah you guys been feeling dildo balls you felt dildo i can just tell from the texture of that i'm gonna start calling you dildo i'm gonna start calling you dildo balls. I'm going to start calling you dildo balls too. Because you're always hanging around but you're useless. Well, I guess it's probably for like it's got to be for like porn stars who are like sucking

off dildos and then they're like God, you can't forget the balls. You can. You can forget the balls. You can't forget the balls. I forget the balls. Has anyone ever been getting a blowjob and being like, this sucks. My balls are neglected. Yeah. But your balls are lost in a thicket of fucking thick ass pubes. No, I shaved my pubes.

You always say that it's impossible to shave the balls. Oh, no, I don't shave my balls ever. That's crazy. Shaving your balls is insane. You ever, you think you got them and then you stand up just the grossest longest hairs everywhere like a thousand you true yeah you thought when you're sitting down you think you did this clean sweep yeah you stand up in the light you're like oh i need two more hours the only way to shave your balls would be like wax them

no only way to properly get the unless you have like hours yeah you'd honestly i would rather shave my balls with like a scissor like just like one by one like a bonsai tree more satisfying yes it would be way more dude and that you just you're shaving them and there's shits just getting fucking pulled like it hurts doesn't feel good are you so your smallest cut on balls will be the most blood you've ever seen so painful are you uh you're sitting over a toilet seat yes that are really i stand over a toilet seat yeah yeah i put the paper towels down so you so that's why you don't shave your balls because you you have to be like hold you like have to hold them up you'd have to like nail them to your like tummy like

i don't shave them because i did try to shave them a while ago and I, and I nicked myself and it hurts so much. And then I was like, dude, there's not really that much hair on them to begin with. So I'm just going to leave them as is. Let's we talked about this before. I don't know whose balls are like the hairy to the point where they have to

like, you can have like a, they have like tennis ball ball. You can never not see ball skin. I don't know if there's any balls hairy enough to where you have to like part it yeah i think like some lebanese dude yeah probably lebanese turkish but everybody else is like a forest fire after it's been burned through yeah yes exactly it looks like raised standing up the first pube i ever had was it was just one individual pube and it was just Growing in length and there was no other pubes coming Where was it at?

It was on my pube, where the pubes are On the mound? Yes, on the mound And I've cut it with a nail clipper I cut one pube with a nail clipper I cut my first pube with a nail clipper as well Well, morally, not because I was like It was more because I was like, this is weird I was like, I don't want this

Did you tell anybody about it? Did you tell your family or friends? No, I just removed it. Have you ever shaved your pubes and then like you had that the whole nest in the toilet and then you forgot to flush and somebody else came in and was like, dude, what the fuck? No, I've never had that happen. Yeah, same. You ever take a shit and then shave your pubes afterwards before you flush the shit down?

No. I mean, yeah. There's got to be a name for that what is the name for that i don't know i thought i thought there was uh yeah i wouldn't know it's like a bearded a bearded something bearded like a bearded dustin or something like that yeah it is a bearded dustin yeah you just came up with that that's good the bearded dustin you leave a bearded dust or something like that. Yeah, it is a bearded Dustin. Yeah, we just came up with that. That's good. A bearded Dustin.

You leave a bearded Dustin in your boy's toilet. That would be hilarious if you're one of your friends. Yeah, no toilet paper whatsoever. It's just one bearded Dustin. You didn't wipe, so that means you closed your shit ass. You just have to sneak down to their other bathroom to wipe and flush. It would ruin the dust and we're just like

hopping the shower right after the shower doesn't have enough pressure to clean the shit out does it of your ass yeah I would hope so no way you've never not had toilet paper and gone and like just hopped in the shower I don't think that would do the job that happened once and it was the worst experience of my life because I didn't have toilet paper I was

like in the outer banks and I had to clean out my fucking ass. I've soaked the cardboard tube in the sink. That's crazy. It was like making parchment, dude. That's insane.

That's brilliant. I was in there for hours and hours. Much like what? I don't know. I think a wet roll would be much like toilet paper. Yeah. There was like an old

Facebook meme during when COVID happened when people were freaking out about the toilet paper and it was just some dude and he posted news like COVID's getting out of control. Wipe him with the damn coffee filter.

Yeah, in New York they would only let you buy one pack of toilet paper. Yeah. What's the worst thing you've ever wiped with? Oh, man. Mine was a golf card. Like a golf score card. What?

Yeah. I've told the story a thousand times about how I had food poisoning. I had to shit in the woods. But I don't remember the wiping part of it. Yeah. Well, I've done corn husk at my grandpa's farm. We're outside? That's way worse than a golf card. No, it's not. Corn husk? I've done corn husk at my grandpa's farm. Outside? That's way worse than a golf cart.

No, it's not. Corn husk? I bet you corn. They used to use Sears catalogs, right? Those used to be hole punched already, so you could use them as toilet paper in outhouses. But those are so slick, though, that it was just... Yeah, they would just be spreading it around. Listen, Matt.

No, this is when it was on newspaper, I think. Oh, oh, oh. Good old-fashioned one. Paper cuts. You used a golf cart. I'm not proud of it. It was a husk or a leaf or some sort of leafy golf cards are stiff yeah man yeah husk would actually you're right husk would be way better than a golf card even just uh uh toothpaste like the the container uh my girlfriend's hair oh no you pulled out of the brush

she put it in a ponytail we were both in the same situation you didn't have toilet paper either so i was like if you have in the case that you have to shit i'm here for you as well but your hair wasn't long enough so she just that would be like a clutch move to pull it out of the hairbrush and use that yeah follow it up like floss it out or like just run it along the side like those fucking instagram videos with the string like yeah yeah exactly it's a clean cut off of the cheek oh man using uh paper towels was always uh it seemed like it'd be a good idea but they're just for whatever reason unflushable yeah yeah

that was when i lived in hell's kitchen we'd use toilet we used paper towels a couple times and we had a big backup and then it overflowed and we would and we just kept washing it expecting the paper towels to go down and it was just like shit water was just like pooling up in the bathroom on the floor yeah we had to put like pizza boxes down and i had to go get drano it was terrible did the drano do it yeah in like 10 minutes damn that's so fucking nasty yeah you used you got to rip the paper towels into strips yeah uh-huh to find strips but then it's like you know you got to be very accurate with the wipe to get right up the center yeah yeah fuck that's nasty it is that apartment you lived in was disgusting the hell's kitchen one yeah terrible yeah horrible

it was it was one of those apartments that you go and you see and they're like, no one's ever lived here before and you walk in and you're like, dude, this is awesome. And then you start realizing that everything in the apartment is worth like $3? Yeah, you had no walls. It was crazy. No, like this is all doors. The staircase, the spiral staircase to go up

to like Duke's and Evan's room, you could literally have just ripped that off the wall if you wanted to. You could just pull that entire thing off. I have a staircase like that in my apartment now. Yeah. And it's the practicality is just there's none. No, spiral staircase is terrible. Yeah. Not what you want.

I wonder who invented them. Like why? Why do you think that that was the I'd rather have a ladder. I guess it's space efficient. I'd rather have a ladder than a spiral staircase. Dude, me and Roan's hotel that we stayed in last night, we both have bunk ladder. I guess it's space efficient. I'd rather have a ladder than a spiral staircase. Dude, me and Roan's hotel that we stayed in last night, we both have bunk beds. What's that for?

I don't know. It's like a hostel. It's like lockers and shit. It's really weird. The dude was like, this is a very, what do you call it? He said it was like a

vintage. He said it was like a historical land point in Chicago. Do you have a photo of it? I have a, no, Roan sent me a photo of his though.

Similar rooms? You both have bunk beds. We're right next to each other? Yeah. But mine was, like you have a photo of it i have a now roan sent me a photo of his though are similar rooms we both have bunk beds we're right next to each other yeah but mine was uh but then you have a regular bed too there's three beds in the room oh that's yeah that's weird oh that's that's not even like cozy looking no it's very that's utilitarian yeah yeah i don't know why they said everything in the hotel was vintage i don't think there's a single thing in the hotel that is vintage. So that means old? Yeah, that's not... Those aren't old bunk beds.

That implies a collector as well, I think. Yeah, those are like fucking futuristic bunk beds, like the metal ones. Yeah, it looks like it's from Ikea yesterday. Yeah, yeah. Did you ever have bunk beds growing up? I slept in bunk beds until I was 19 years old. Oh, it was in the background of some of those. Yeah, yeah. Who'd you share it with? slept in bunk beds until i was 19 years old oh it was in the background of some of those yeah yeah

who'd you share it with i shared with my little sister when we were when we were young and then she got her own room and then i stayed with the bunk beds is top bunk more desirable as a kid not at all it's so much hotter oh yeah because all the heat rises dude top bunk is like 30 degrees warmer than bottom bunk i bunked my freshman year of college yeah i had to you could hide stuff up there though in the ceiling like i would hide so i would hide stuff in the in the bed above me like oh it's like you know like the the the stretch across the stretchy sheet goes uh in what were you hiding uh probably like swisher sweets yeah wood tips wine wood tips that's like what I was. And American Spirits. I know in prison,

it's like the top bunk is you're a bitch if you have to go up on the top bunk. You're the bitch. I would, in prison, I would rather be in the top bunk. It's hard to get in the top bunk.

Yeah, you have your own space up there. No, but I think it's, I don't know. I think like if you get punked, you get sent to the top bunk. Really? Yeah. I heard about it in like, like nobody's sneaking up to the top bunk you're not gonna get raped you're not gonna get raped in the top yeah because they're gonna be like

dude just get your ass down I mean if someone down here so I can watch the rape someone is a rapist they're not gonna let the draw the line and yeah but they're not gonna be they don't want to go down they don't want to have to fall like if they if they both because if you're fucking two prisoners fucking in the top bunk that thing is going down that or somebody's ass is hitting the ceiling like you're not gonna be able to get your full power you don't think i'd be worried that my dick would hit the ceiling you're raping up how are you you're having a guy on top you're riding a guy you're a power top generating power no i genuinely I bet

no one's ever been raped in the top bunk at a prison you don't think that they just rape at their at their home base and then send them upstairs oh that's probably what it is god that would suck so much the climb back up the climb of shame this sucks man you're such a fucking

asshole this sucks man you're such a fucking asshole that is a good impression of a guy who just happened to be such a fucking asshole I hate it here you're the worst you know this is what I hate about you what are your worst traits and then you forget something and have to go back.

Yeah. Shit. I didn't brush my teeth. I didn't take out my contact lenses. Oh, man. Do they get contact lenses in jail? I doubt it. No, I think they get those big boxy glasses.

They should make prisoners wear those like old sports glasses. Rex backs. Like Horace Grant. Yeah. The goggles. That would be enough for everyone to be like, I'm reformed. I will never. I don't want that again.

Don't send me back. That would be more effective than like solitary confinement. They should just make them wear like the swagless, most swagless accessory. Yeah. That would be unreal. Those were tough. They're great at making things swaggy, though, in jail. They could make just the worst outfit kind of swag.

Like a tan jumpsuit. They find a way to like... They make it look swaggy. They all look swaggy. Which is cool. Which is like early 90s tech. Because you can't hide anything in it. What do you mean?

Technology now is just black. But back then, technology used to be clear. like early 90s tech because you can't hide anything in it what do you mean technology now is just black but back then technology used to be clear remember the uh n64s or oh yeah yeah yeah yeah not like the tvs in jail are clear yeah really yeah if you made them wear like an express turtleneck with like dudes that just got out of prison love express they would never no i'm saying they would hate that the ribbed jeans the ribbed jeans express turtle yeah fuck that unless they're dominican in which case they don't already they'll find a way to rib their orange jumpsuit dude those were truly like the worst things that i've ever been the ribbed jean they had that and it was i was paired with the shirts that were like that was so long that was the worst era

the dave chappelle shirt because the the cool cool guys were wearing that right my boy steady wore that biggest shirt of all time i can't but it wasn't even they weren't baggy shirts they were skin tight but they went down to like right above your knee yeah and the neck hole was pretty big too neck hole was a wide neck i never full collarbone did you ever have one me i would have loved are you talking about t-shirts or button downs i'm talking about like the blousey looking ones like justin bieber yeah popular justin bieber and dave chappelle wore one in a special yeah he did it was long as fuck long Long as hell. Like mega church pastors wear them still. Now still, yeah. Hillsong boys.

That is a big mega, like on Easter morning, you throw on your best fucking long ass tight shirt. Guys would wear long, tight button downs that were designed to be untucked too, though. Which were preposterous looking. What do you mean? Just like a long... Is it like Muslim

men? Those bros definitely hit it. My dad has... What are those things called? Those... The long... For like an Indian wedding? Yeah. Asari? I know that's what it is. My dad has one. Why? He went to an Indian wedding and he had to get one? No, my dad does too

and he wore one to his 70th birthday. Your dad did? he wore one to his 70th birthday. Your dad did? He wore one to his own birthday. Did he walk into his party? I bet they're comfortable. I would see you sleeping in one of those. It's probably comfortable as hell. It's a night shirt, dude. Yeah.

It was at a Chinese restaurant and he was wearing a long Indian shirt and nobody else was. That's so funny. Nobody else was rocking any Indian garb. How did the night shirt combine with that long droopy hat? Like what dude wants to sleep in a long droopy hat? I wonder what it was for. Yeah. It was probably

because they were probably freezing. Yeah, but why so long and droopy? Yeah, what was that? What was that trope? Like dudes who were talking about like me, me, me, me, me. Pushing it up. They were always pushing it up and down.

They always heard something downstairs and had to grab their candles. Who's that? Who's there? It was never a person. It was always a ghost. Disrupting the deepest sleep ever. The always had like a bulbous red nose yeah they did a big bulbous red nose it's dudes that huge red nose their shatter their shutters are always shattering like clinking around too the other pajama technology that i never understood was the children's pajamas that

had like the butt flap that opened up. Dude, long johns have those too. But how do you piss? I think it's for like parents to wipe their ass. But how do you piss? I just made that up. No, because I think you'd have to take the whole onesie off to shit. But with that, you don't. But how do you piss? So that's for people

who shit without pissing. Is there a flap for the penis? Yeah. That's how it should be. Buttons for the penis. Yeah. That's how it should be. That means that if you're shitting, it's all going through the same hole. And you only have your butthole exposed in those ones. This shit does not make sense.

Oh yeah, you can't shit and piss. You can't shit and piss at the same time because it's not going out. You'd have to stand up and piss first and then start shitting. Right, which is too mature for a child who has to wear underwear of that ilk that's true that's always it's always been a bother of mine but that it was popular enough that people must have been wearing that shit it had to have been my grandma used to wear like the we used to i used to like sleep over at her house when i was young and she would wear like this nightgown that was like

a gown it was like the longest nightgown of all time and it would scare the fuck out of me every time. The gown? Dude, because it was just like, she's like an old lady and you'd see her in this nightgown walking through the hallway at fucking 4am. Very scary. Yeah. It was just campy, comfortable sleep. This was creepy. I bet they're pretty comfortable. Why?

You're just wrapping yourself in another sheet. I feel all tangled. Yeah, you probably do get pretty tangled. Also, old people don't roll when they sleep. No, they don't. They're just mounted. Yeah. Old people aren't tossing and turning. My grandma used to sleep talk and sleep walk.

She would yell out her zip code in the middle of the night. 4140. No, that wasn't the zip code. I forgot what that was. You're going to need another digit. That was her favorite Jay-Z club. No, that was the number for her code. I forgot what that was. You're going to need another digit. That was her favorite Jay-Z club. No, that was the number for her address. That's what it was. And what was the street?

I forget. Doc's your grandma. She doesn't live there anymore, so. She doesn't live anywhere. Yeah, she's not. She's alive. She is alive. Does she still have the flowy gown?

I guarantee yes. You've got to go sleep over her house. Are you doing Christmas shopping for your family sass I bet you're a you gotta be the most dog shit yeah let me hear what's one thing I haven't got I was just gonna say I haven't

I haven't started how about ever that you've ever given got your sister like a Ravenclaw bookmark yeah I'm pretty bad at it but when I sometimes I've gotten really good ones. Sometimes? Like once, maybe. I really do gotta

step my game up this year. I was thinking about it this morning that I gotta, maybe tonight I'll probably start ordering some shit. What are you guys getting? What are your top gifts? I'm done. You're done? Yeah. Shit. I'm all but done. How many gifts are you buying? Like, are you buying gifts for all of your siblings your parents uh sister mom dad grandma uncle partner that's crazy you're not an

uncle uh yeah one uncle who lives with my grandma oh yeah get him something you get him something nice or just like um he's uh he uh is kind of off he was over medicated and then uh he's kind of he lives in a retirement home and my grandma is his roommate that's all the hell so i my he's just out of like coincidence yeah like he walked in he was like oh fuck you're on his shoulder and he's like no mom you gotta be fucking kidding me the cans just like rolled out but uh he's like he's very like clumsy and thinks

you know he's out of it so what are you getting him I get him a weapon every year last year I got him brass knuckles and this year I got him brass knuckles and this year I got him uh the um the sword that frees gladiators when they get it you're getting a clumsy dude swords

yeah I usually just get my I got my dad I actually got my dad a good gift I got him a big box of different hot sauces I was just talking shit on that we said those are the least thoughtful gifts the variety packs of this shit like variety oh they're hot like one of them that i tried and i was like you have to try these and then i bought him them for

christmas that was like a hundred dollar good gift and then i bought my mom um flowy nightgown i bought my i bought my mom a big thing of uh vermont maple syrup i was just talking shit on maple syrup we were saying those are the worst fucking variety pack of this wasn't a variety pack it was a thousand last maple syrup has she used it and i actually that wasn't even for a holiday that was just because i was being thoughtful did she use it yeah she used the whole thing dude i uh i once got my dad a burnt dvd of Dodgeball for Christmas. I felt so bad, but I didn't have any money because I spent it all on the big-titted Dead Sea kiosk women. I bought one of those head massagers, and I was just sitting at the fucking mall kiosk.

They were just doing that to me the whole time, and I felt the need to buy it. So you couldn't give them that? I wanted it. It felt so good. Those feel so good. They do feel incredible. The shower pressure at the hotel that we were just at, it felt like that. It felt so good Those feel so good They do feel incredible The shower pressure At the hotel That we were just at

It felt like that It was so strong And I just was Fucking standing under it Oh mine was terrible Really? I got all of it Mine must have had a clog

In it or something I don't know When was the last good thing That's ever happened to you Sass? What was the last good thing? Last good thing That's happened to me? Um

I don't know. I went fishing a couple weeks ago. It was fun. Catch a fish. No. But it's not about the catching the fish. It's about the being out there. This morning, I went down early and ordered breakfast for you.

So when you got there, the breakfast was sitting there ready for you to go. That was very nice, yeah. Just came downstairs, slopped it up. Yeah. Yeah, it was nice. Our hotel's right in front of a fucking, like a train track. What's that?

What's the, is there, is there an L? Yeah. Right in front of the L. And so I was just ass naked as like the L whipped by. Yeah. I closed my curtains.

Were they seeing yours? Yes. Really? Or no, but I could see the bill. There was a building like right next to my window that they were like looking in. Yeah. Lucy,

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I've been drinking twisted tea. It's a good product. It tastes like real tea It's a great refreshing drink for a nice summer day or even a chilly winter afternoon. I mean, it's really it's one of the best go to. You can really get it anywhere. I believe if you just look up twisted tea locations, it comes up everywhere. And I'm here in New York. They pretty much sell it at every single bodega and CVS that you can go to. It's got to be one of the more popular alcoholic beverages on the market. It goes down smooth because there's no carbonation, which makes it easy to drink all day long. It's great for a little Sunday tailgate football season. I like to maybe head on over to MetLife or Gillette Stadium to watch the Patriots and throw down a couple of twisted teas with my with my pals before we go in and watch

mac jones lose uh it fuels fun and celebrates extreme fandom on game day twisted tea is the perfect alcoholic beverage for game day whether tailgating in the parking lot watching at a bar or watching with friends at home twisted tea is there to turn up your game day grab a refreshing twisted tea today ron have you stayed in some pretty shitty hotels and your barstool travels is there to turn up your game day. Grab a refreshing Twisted Tea today. Ron, have you stayed in some pretty shitty hotels in your Barstool travels? None worse than that one that we stayed in in fucking Boston.

Oh, that Boston one was hilarious. I forgot about that. We stayed in it all for our live show. That was kind of lux. My feet were touching the wall. Turn the mirror purple. That was the biggest thing. You Dude, that was like my feet were touching the wall. Turn the mirror purple. Yeah, that was the only thing of that. That was the biggest thing.

You blew the whole budget on the mirror. You couldn't stand in it, but you could turn the mirror purple. That pissed me off. We stayed in this Howard Johnson motel outside of Everglades City in Florida. And there was just a dude asleep in front of my door. Yeah, that's pretty brutal. In the hallway? It was a motel, so outside.

Outside hallway? Yeah. You stepped over him or got another room? I stepped over him. I had a hotel. I stayed in the Philly Airport Hotel a couple weeks ago. And that one, it was a great hotel. It was fine.

But when I was checking in, it was like, there's just like two people working the late shift. And there's this like girl who's all dressed up to like go out in the lobby and she's talking to one of like the dudes working at the desk and then there's another girl working at the desk and i'm like waiting in line to be like to check in and i think i told you this story but he he's like i gotta get out of here i'm gonna drive her to the bar and the lady's like what are you talking about he's like he's like i'm not just gonna let her walk there alone oh my god and it's like this what are you talking about? He's like, I'm not just going to let her walk there alone. Oh, my God. And it's like this like beautiful girl and this fucking dude who's working the desk. He's like, I'm just going to drop her off.

I'll be right back. Fucking relax. And he was acting like it was like a normal thing that he does for all of his customers. Yeah. Yeah. Look, I worked there. He worked there. And she was like, do you know where any good bars around?

He's like, I'll take you to a bar. She was like, yeah, that's right. That to me. And he was like, I'm not going to. He did. I was his big defense was he was like being a good guy. He's like, I'm not going to let her walk through the streets of Philly. Yeah.

It's like the bartender trend of giving the the girlfriend like signals. Is he bothering? Yeah. Order the angel shot if you need me. Yeah. Imagine if someone do the human trafficking stuff. Every one of

those dudes are fantasizing being rewarded in pussy. They're just trying to reverse it. Is he trying to fuck you? Because I'm going to make this better and fuck you myself instead. I bet he like, I bet you're still caught. What are you going to say? Like, are you?

It's like asking if she's wet after saving her. How wet are you? I was such a dickhead, but you're probably still a little wet. I knew this was going to happen. Oh. I stayed at a fucking disgusting hotel in morgantown one time yeah that's probably all of them it was like a historic hotel morgan was it yeah probably it's like right on the main drag and it's tall and it's really old and we got there at like three

in the morning and me and buda ben went in there and we're and it was fucking the dead of winter it was so cold. And so we weren't even going to go outside to smoke the backwood. We smoked the backwood inside the hotel room and it fucking stunk so fucking bad. Smoking a backwood inside. Of a historic hotel. You know it's a bad hotel when the only thing that they say good about it is like, oh, you've got to stay at the Hotel Morgan. It is so haunted.

Yeah. Exactly. That's the one good thing about it we went out so haunted we went out for breakfast the next day and then we came back from breakfast and the two front desk ladies were waiting for us to come back in and they're like did you smoke in the in the hotel room and i was like no i didn't fucking smoke in there like of course not it was me yeah you gotta burn popcorn in the microwave they definitely didn't have a microwave they had like a bed pan like they had like a pot underneath the bed to like heat it up yeah you heat it underneath the bed with coal yeah they have one of those things that you like push together to those are always next to fireplaces nobody's ever using fireplace it's to give them oxygens that the fire like restarts all right sorry bro hey when i got it all right dildo balls oh yeah

dildo balls thanks for your input man you're fake as fuck you hang around you don't do shit bearded dusting over here but i got fucking uh they they kicked me out of the hotel. Oh, they did? They're like, okay, then bring me back up to the room then. And we got up there. It was still smoke in the room?

It was still, it smelled like you were inside of a backwood. It smelled like you were fully wrapped in a backwood. And I started just copping pleas and lying. I was like, I get really bad travel anxiety. I was just telling them the worst lies possible. And they're like, okay, we can call the cops or we can kick you out of the room and you'll pay like a $200 fine. And I was like, all right.

Have you ever pled with cops? Desperation pled? Probably. I haven't had a run in with cops since I was in high school. Yeah. Same. I was just getting pulled over. I'm trying to remember if I've ever pled with them. I'm't had a run-in with cops since I was in high school. Yeah, same. I was just getting pulled over. I'm trying to remember if I've ever played with them.

I'm pretty good at dealing with cops now. You definitely have. I'm good at dealing with cops now, though. Not good enough. You got a ticket for fucking wearing headphones while biking. Yeah, well, those guys had a fucking... That'd be the easiest ticket of all time to get out of. An axe to grind.

Just like, I'll take them off. They didn't. They gave it to me afterwards. It's not like they're like, hey. You defended that music is your life. I get really bad anxiety. I need to fucking listen to music. Can't you see this music note tattooed behind my ear? You don't see this cleft

note on my forehead. What if you were just like, I'm not even listening to music. That's what I said. Earmuffs. Or I said they weren't even on. They're like, I checked my cam and they were on when you when you were driving through these guys had an extra grind that's crazy because there's a law that you're allowed to like the bike laws don't apply to to bikers or the traffic laws don't apply to bikers for a while i was pretty sure that i was going to get arrested for a fake id when i got because i

got uh i went to a bowling alley in Kingston, Massachusetts called pins. And I, we, we were like 18 maybe. And we all walked in and we were already like hammered. We had been drinking all night and we, uh, we walked in and we got like a lane and we were like, we'll just do three pictures of Bud Light. And, uh, the dude was like, all right, can I just see your IDs? And we were like, yeah. And we all gave them, we all have the exact same main ID. all right can i just see your ids and we're like yeah and we all gave them we all have the exact same main id we're not not in maine we all have identical main ids with your same faces on them and no we have our own your own face got it and uh and then the dude goes back to like the office to scan the ids and he's back there for like 45 minutes and we're just sitting there and i'm like

dude we're fucked i'm like we should just leave now you don't be fucked if you bowled a 300 memorial they had to commend the fake names there's a plaque with a fake idea yeah try to tell all your friends like no that was actually me that's me no that says that guy's from Maine. You're not from Maine. You've never been to Maine. Dude, the guy came back like 30 minutes later with with photocopies of our IDs. And he was like, I'm going to you can either take these and we'll we'll send a report to the police and you'll be arrested or we'll keep them.

And I was like, we'll keep them. You guys can keep them. But then like one of my friends like put up a fight and i was like dude he's definitely just gonna send this report in we're fucked and uh like for like the so as a kid you're thinking that this guy that works at a bowling alley super motivated yes that's i worked at a bowling alley growing up that's exactly what i yeah yeah but they're the least motivated people i did this guy was motivated he had fucking bluetooth in oh shit yeah i thought you were just

talking to like a lowly pin resetter i know that was the guy that we gave the idea yeah those guys love serving and then the manager came back you have a pin resetter homie or the opposite of foe uh homie okay yeah great guy uh loves the band mega death that all pin resetters do and they love they're all like very similar to the bus driver in the Simpsons Otto? they just chill in the back of the lanes what goes on back there?

it's not as it's pretty cool I'd imagine it's awesome it's loud as fuck they always wear over headphones I feel like it's like the back of an airport like the where when you put your bag in and it's just like yeah yeah this tunnel like monsters inc kind of yeah you're yeah you see a lot of things have you seen those videos of the dudes in the back of the airport just grabbing the fucking

yeah the bags and just smashing them yeah that's throw them as hard as destroying them yeah it's so funny there's guys who do that like in the open air like when they come off of the carousel and they just yeah just guys who don't give a fuck about their job it's one of the best jobs for like people for curious people for curious felons yeah it's all felons everyone felons that are working as a felon it's honestly the guy who i was thinking i would get crack from used to work in an airport yeah yeah do you guys know anyone so you know someone do you guys know anyone who's ever worked in an airport no exactly different species exactly i genuinely think that they should make like a documentary on the hiring process at an airport like who's getting hired at the chilis inside of an airport and do you

do you apply to the chilis or you just apply or you reach out and you're assigned to yeah they place you it's like I think you're reached out to to work at your tap on the shoulder I don't think it's a real hiring now like the skull and bones I think it's like the US government is like you're $400,000 in debt you need a job

we're sending you an application for Chili's in LaGuardia to bartend you're standing by the self-checkout at Hudson Books next to the Mentos gum. You're going to help people self-check out a water bottle. The people, the over-talkative bartenders at an airport are some of the worst. I've never had that. I sat next to a braggart at the airport. When's the last time you guys met a braggart?

Oh, man, it's always a blast. He was showing me all his houses that he owns and he was like showing me the prices that's crazy yeah a couple years ago i sat behind a uh a guy i was flying to maybe notre dame and he was a notre dame football alumni it was seven in the morning and he was at the bar and he was actively he was like probably a six-year-old black guy and he was actively turning out a 25 year old white guy like he was like seducing him really basically being like have you ever been with a man type of thing and the guy was like like giggling along with it he was like fully giving into it dude i think if i got flirted with by like a punk i would kind of giggle but it wasn't this guy this guy wasn't. I would giggle and be like, you're fucking with me, right?

This guy was like the groundskeeper at Notre Dame. Like, he was like, he wasn't like, like, the young guy was the hunk. And the old guy was just like this. This ass is a man ever flirted with you? I don't think so. I was hitchhiking in Toronto after a rap battle to the airport at like four in the morning i was waiting for a bus and a guy picked me up and he was like you know the name of this park or it was before he picked me up and then he drove back around he was like where where

are you going like you need a ride and i did need a ride badly like i was going to miss my flight i couldn't afford another flight and uh we had a long ass ride to the airport and then like 10 minutes from the airport he basically asked me if i'd ever like been with a man that would be the scariest thing in the world in your head like oh yeah i'm dead he was a chubby like older indian guy fucked and dead he was a chubby older indian guy and i was like i just didn't didn't say a word i was like considering barrel rolling out but i need to make my flight yeah so i sucked him off yeah dude that's so scary it was fucking terrifying column has that story on his special about uh

him being at like a bar and like some gay dude was hitting on him and he came out when he whispered he whispered in his ear he's like I want to take you home and shave you oh gay dudes love to shave what's up with that I'd rather you just fuck me that was Maresh wait no what was Maresh's story oh fuck

oh Maresh this guy came up to Maresh and he was like I want to fuck you Maresh was like no no no and hours later the guy came up he's like i want to rub your feet and rush is like i'd rather you fuck yeah yeah yeah yeah i remember where that that's that i don't think i've ever had any run-ins like that i've definitely had some nights at like the duplex when that's the only bar that's open still and i'm just dancing with gay dudes yeah yeah he said they're twirling you they were twirling me so They were twirling me. So I guess that's pretty close, but I think they knew I was

harmless. They knew you would never fuck. Yeah, they knew I was fucking my... They knew you were unfuckable. Yeah. Out of their league. They knew my asshole was sealed over. Yeah, cocked over. I'm so straight, I made my asshole heal. I stitched mine up. No, mine healed, and I have a scab hanging above my bed like a dream

catcher, so dudes know that I have no ass to fuck. Like an umbilical cord that you save. My asshole scab. Just a piece of wayward flesh pinned up on the wall. Oh man. That's nasty. Do we have any, do we have ads?

I doubt it. Yeah, we probably don't have any ads. It's not really our thing these days. That's not true. Okay. Then we can call it. Yeah, we probably don't have any ads. It's not really our thing these days. That's not true. Okay, then we can call it. You guys have been awesome. No, thank you. We're going to end it right now? Yeah, we're fucking...

They got to do other shit today. It's fucking... Let's do... We've only been going for 45 minutes. We can let them go, but we should do another 10 at least all right we can do another 10 whatever you want to do it's a bonus episode no ads we're giving people what they need bonus episode huh this is one of our episodes bro i feel like our minds are in different places right now there's been a massive chemistry

problem between me and ron lately yeah because i bought you breakfast you didn't come downstairs a lot of fights i was just waiting downstairs for you to have breakfast i taxed you a piece of toast he did tax me a piece of toast and it was good well if you made a venn diagram of your two co-hosts pat bev and sass what would the crossover be what would the middle section call of duty yeah they won't even play together they hate each other more than sass hits me i don't like pat bev because he fucking shit talks me to ron while i'm with ron he'll call ron while we're doing son of a boy dad and be like what are you doing and ron's like we're doing son of a boy dad and he's like still doing that dumb ass show yeah no

you just you don't like that in front of me too yeah or you facetime you and just immediately start talking shit on you yeah it's crazy boy dad and he's always like, Tommy Smokes is taking over. He always says, you got to step it up because Tommy Smokes passed you. I don't think me and Tommy Smokes are really battling for a spot. Tommy Smokes is writing a movie about saving New York. Saving New York?

Or some shit like that, like a rom-com about a guy who wants to kill himself. He's going to write himself as the star. It's going to suck. He's going to write himself as the star. It's going to suck. Who are you imagining to be your lead? Probably me.

No, I don't know. Nothing wrong with that. One of the new Hollywood twinks that are coming up. Chalamet? Chalamet's kind of, I don't know. You think he's washed? I think Chalamet's not really, I don't, he don't he's definitely still twink right definitely still a twink but he's he's not he's he's still the young gun i don't know if he's still the young gun who's young who's a younger gun than

him right now there's a lot of chalamet lookalikes that are getting big roles what about old boy from uh the holdovers what the holdovers i don't think i've ever seen that it's the new paul giamatti movie it's like this kid from a prep school is the star oh I heard that was really good very good but our boy from that is a new star yeah he could be he's like 18 if you want a young hunk but are you going to definitely cast a

cis white male yeah I want yeah you want it to do well you want people to watch it you want it to be funny I want people to see it I want the movie to be good well acted to watch it. You want it to be funny. I want people to see it. I want the movie to be good. Well acted. All right, now we can end it.

What the fuck? It's been one extra minute. I know. That was a bonus minute. It's a bonus minute. We're on bonus time now. Shower us with like appreciation. Shower you with appreciation?

How about like at least Nick and KB for a minute each? Go crazy. Like make us uncomfortable. No, I hate that. I hate that just as much as you guys hate it. Yeah, well just do it then. No, that sucks. Do you actually appreciate them coming on? Yes, of course. Go hard with it. Why don't you show them that you appreciate it?

Sass loves getting compliments though. I look through your like tab on Twitter and it's just all Sass top five funniest. It's all variations of a tweet he's always liking it pay sass pay little sass I never fuck with that shit like when people at top two and he's not two

the only time I'll ever do that is if someone tweets and they're like great show tonight because I like it so that other people will see it and they'll be like oh I gotta go to a show so that's a good way to get interaction from sass yeah but don't be lying compliment sass now you gotta be posting rece, I gotta go to a show. So that's a good way to get interactions from Sass. Yeah, but don't be lying. Yeah, compliment Sass. Now you gotta be posting receipts that you went to the show.

If somebody compliments your show, you should be like, where's your receipt? I don't fucking believe you. You're probably lying. Alright. Well, this was a freaking jam-packed... There was a lot of laughs. Three o'clock, brother.

Good-ass episode. Yeah, but we started at like 2.10. 2.08. All right. Well, thank you guys all for listening. We had a lot of shit to do today. I'm going to go play golf and then fly home. No, we got another son of a boy dad to do.

No. We got a bank. See? Now you're not on board. Because I didn't know we would have ended this 30 minutes ago if I knew that. Well, that's what I'm saying. You got to save a little bit in the tank. All right.

Well, we'll see you guys on Monday. Thank you. Thanks for joining us, guys. Thank you. Go listen to Anis. Go listen to Anis for sure. And watch Nick's new movie. Subscribe.

All right. Goodbye.