Son of a Boy Dad - JOE LIST | Son of a Boy Dad #295 (Cigar Ep)

Episode Date: April 24, 2025

JOE LIST | Son of a Boy Dad #295 (Cigar Ep) -- Support Joe's two films hitting theaters soon -- #Ad: Go to https://vuori.com/BOYDAD for 20% off your first purchase. Exclusions apply. Visit the websit...e for full terms and conditions. -- #Ad: Go to https://kraken.com/barstool to learn more -- Follow us on our socials: https://linktr.ee/sonofaboydad -- Merch: https://store.barstoolsports.com/collections/son-of-a-boy-dad -- SUBSCRIBE TO THE YOUTUBE #SonOfABoyDad #BarstoolSportsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, son of a boy, dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. All right, here we are. We got Joe List, everybody. You know him. He's got multiple specials, tens of millions of views, lots of Tonight Show appearances. Actually, my favorite Tonight Show set ever.
Starting point is 00:00:38 Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, thank you. The one about the Malibu house, first class seats. Yeah, yeah. That's worse. I think that's right up our alley. We talk about it here, travel a lot. Oh, thank you. The one about the Malibu house, first class seats. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's worse. I think that's right up our alley. We talk about your travel a lot.
Starting point is 00:00:48 Oh, thank you. But Sass, I don't mean to step on your toes. Why don't you bring us in? Yeah, all right. Welcome back to the Son of a Boy Dad podcast. We are here live. We're gonna need a clap, brother. Oh yeah, my dad.
Starting point is 00:01:02 Oh wow, it feels like you guys really hate each other. Yeah. And I am here for it. Oh wow it feels like you guys really hate each other. I am here for it. Joe got a little glimpse into the behind the scenes of me and Francis. Well I went to the bathroom and they were fist fighting down the hallway. Was there an ashtray? We didn't think any of this through. Are you surprised?
Starting point is 00:01:24 No, he's got an ashtray? We didn't think any of this through. Are you surprised? No cigar, no ashtray. Can we let the people behind the curtain of what's happening here? Because I wanna make sure I am in the fucking clear on this. Basically, I didn't know we were doing cigars today. I didn't know we were doing a cigar episode. You know, there's stuff that goes into that. Mainly, we have to let the people who work on our floor
Starting point is 00:01:45 know that we're gonna smoke cigars and there's nothing they can do about it. And HR has told us that when we want to do this, we have to give people heads up so that they have the option to move desks to the downstairs legally. And we have to let them know ahead of time, and then it's okay if we do it, we just need to
Starting point is 00:02:05 let them know. We need to get the air purifier going, all these things. None of that. We hadn't done any of that. I was concerned, perhaps overly so, for the benefit of my coworkers, but I'm probably being a total bitch. These guys made a great point. We're just having fun. And this is not an abnormal thing to do, smoke cigars on the pod. I think that when you tell me we're gonna smoke cigars, I feel the way that Casey Affleck felt in Goodwill Hunting when they pulled up to the basketball court
Starting point is 00:02:42 and Ben Affleck goes, you're going. You're going. If you're out there in two seconds, we're gonna burn the cigars on you. I don't want to fight a stranger. I don't want to smoke a cigar today in the middle of the day. I got stuff to do.
Starting point is 00:02:57 I had a workout planned. All my plans are out the window. So, you know, here we are. Awesome, and I wanna say, I have nothing to do with this. I don't want the heat from the up top people. I don't want Dave Portnoy fucking knocking on my door. And I don't want you, Francis, my colleague, my pal, to think this has anything to do with me because they say, Hey, we love cigars.
Starting point is 00:03:21 Don't you love cigars? And I said I do love cigars. We were showing our hand, and we didn't really anticipate Joe jumping on it. We were like, no jump. We were like, occasionally we'll smoke a cigar. We were like, you're a cigar guy, right? I said, you smoke cigars in here? That's crazy.
Starting point is 00:03:35 I was like, I literally was like, that's insane that they let you smoke cigars. Those were his exact words. OK, yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, well, let's put it this way, Joe. We don't do it There is, yeah. Well, let's put it this way, Joe. We don't do it barely ever, really, and I think the fact that you're here is why we are doing it.
Starting point is 00:03:51 No, we do this every episode. And therefore, you know, this is on you. But I did not say, hey, I have a clause in my contract. I smoke cigars. It's in your writer. It's in your writer. By the way, you can tell you're not supposed to smoke in here because normally if you smoke indoors, the smoke gets pulled up by a, a, a fuck it. What do you call it? A humidifier, a smoke eater of some sort. I know
Starting point is 00:04:14 they call it a smoke. I don't know how it works, but this just sits right in my face. Oh yeah. It's a cloud of smoke. Yeah. You're not gonna feel well after this. You're gonna get 100% of that cigar. I hate smoking indoors too, if it's not. Oh my God. I never smoke indoors. After all that. Well, I'm sure there's a window somewhere. We got the air purifier. A year, a year gone from your life on the back end.
Starting point is 00:04:39 That's okay. Do you feel that way? What would you be able to, okay, would you bargain years knowing the outcome? Isn't this an episode of Black Mirror that just came out? I don't know, I haven't seen it, is that true? There's a new movie or something coming out where the whole premise is that they pay with their lives.
Starting point is 00:04:57 I think that's that Justin Timberlake movie called something time. Oh yeah, you might be right, I might've just saw it on Instagram. And he's got the, you have like the, how much time you have on your wrist. Oh, I remember that. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:07 It's like a bar code and they play poker, bargaining with years. And they'll like tip a bartender. They'll be like, here, take two weeks. Yeah, rich people have, yeah, it was a little corny, but interesting concept. Good premise. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:19 Great idea for a Black Mirror episode. I don't know about a full movie. Wait, so what's the premise of the question? What was the question gonna be? Joe, we don't answer questions. Okay,'t know about a full movie. Wait, so what's the premise of the question? What was the question going to be? Joe, we don't answer questions. OK, I was excited for the question. We posit theories and general inquiries, and we leave them untied.
Starting point is 00:05:33 Great. We do not expect resolution here. But I want to live. I would like to live. But cigars don't kill you. It takes time. Smoking, I think people don't actually get, they get cancer. I don't want to sound like fucking whatever, but only like 10% of people that smoke cigarettes chronically get cancer. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:54 I mean, your lungs are fucked up, there's heart disease. It's not good for you. It's like the worst thing for you. But there's people that smoke for years and years and years, decades. Yeah, my grandfather smoked for, smoked three packs a day for like 30 years and he didn't get cancer. Yeah. He's dead, but he died from COVID. I mean, David Lynch just died. He's had a fucking tough cold knocked him out. A respiratory illness. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:17 Let's be honest, those defenses were weak. No, it's not. I don't wanna act like smoking is good, but they make it seem like if you smoke cigarettes, you're just going to get cancer and die. But you know, people do it. And cigars, I think there's something healthy about them because it's very relaxing. Oh yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:33 Not if you do it at work, obviously. But you know, people that are famous for smoking, you think of Mark Twain, Bill Cosby, George Burns. Ulysses S. Grant. Ulysses S. Grant. I've been on a big Grant kick lately. I reference him in every episode. Love it. Churchill, another one.
Starting point is 00:06:48 These are all cigar guys that lived late in life. Well, Grant didn't live that late, but he did have 18 to 20 cigars a day. That's too many. Yeah, we talked about this last episode. I don't even understand how that's possible. And as he was dying with a gigantic growth on his tongue, which was so clearly from his smoking,
Starting point is 00:07:10 his wife, through many medical experts opinions, absolutely vehemently denied that it had any correlation to his smoking habits. She would have been a great Rogan guest. Yeah. Isn't that, wasn't that the whole thing though, is that everyone denied that smoking was bad for you forever? Yes, of course, yeah.
Starting point is 00:07:28 Like the, there's like old videos of like people in the hospital with lung cancer and they're still smoking and the doctors are smoking. Sort of the premise of Mad Men. Yeah. Yeah. That they as advertisers want to dissuade purchasers from believing that cigarettes are bad for you.
Starting point is 00:07:45 Interesting. There's also a commercial, like three out of four doctors prefer Marlboro or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those kind of things. But I think a cigar, I do feel like there's something, obviously, it's bad for your mouth and tongue, and you can die.
Starting point is 00:07:56 I can just feel people emailing me being like, you're a piece of shit, you're going to die. But with cigars, there is something about sitting and and socializing and Pausing and the breathing I think it's I think it's pretty healthy. Yeah, it isn't there, but there's also kind of isn't there kind of like a Chill like that with alcohol to where they're like drinking like two beers a night is good for you because it makes you socialize I'm not sure if that's the right they used to say it was a glass of red wine.
Starting point is 00:08:25 Right. But it's like, well, you could probably get the same benefit from eating a bunch of grapes. Yeah, prune juice or something. I think alcohol now, I'm seeing more and more studies that alcohol is like the worst thing for you ever. It fucks up your metabolism and your heart and all that shit. Makes sense, if you think about it.
Starting point is 00:08:42 Yeah. You don't have to think that hard. No, you don't have to think really at all. It's a depressing, it's toxic. Yeah, it's terrible. Joe, you made a movie in Maine. Yeah, well, it takes place in Maine. We actually shot it in New York for, yeah. But yeah, it's Maine.
Starting point is 00:09:01 I'm going to be honest, I didn't know that. I feel terrible now. Well, I was excited because I'm from Maine. I know, I know you are. The terrible now. Well, I was excited, because I'm from Maine. I know, I know you are. The only one syllable state. I love Maine. You know, we talk about it every time. I'm a Maine guy.
Starting point is 00:09:10 Yes. But yeah, the whole movie takes place in Maine, but we shot in New York, because it was easier. Well, I figured you guys shoot upstate. Taking the shortcut. You look as upset as you did when we found out there was a plan to smoke cigars. By the way, can I just say once,
Starting point is 00:09:25 I don't want to linger on the cigars. I thought 100% we weren't going to smoke cigars when you reacted this way and you really stayed steady with that. Have to, you gotta, you gotta hold your ground. I don't win often in this room. There will be, I will face backlash for that though. Yeah, I feel like- As soon as you're gone,
Starting point is 00:09:42 me and Francis are going to go 14 pounds. It just feels like you have superiority. You're older, you're bigger. You're more attractive. You have no idea what it's like to argue with him. No, I don't. Facts are irrelevant. Truth is irrelevant.
Starting point is 00:09:57 It's an abstract concept. When you said it felt like you were at your friend's house and the parents were fighting, it was like we were standing in the hallway. and the parents were fighting. It was like, we were standing in the hallway. Like. I went to the bathroom and I was like, I don't think I'm supposed to hear this. Yeah, having like a genuine argument.
Starting point is 00:10:11 And then I looked out of the corner and I saw you walk into the bathroom. Oh, that's terrible. And we stepped like one step over to the wall where you wouldn't be able to see us. I think that speaks to our comfortability with Joe. Oh, great. And knowing that I don't think that you are truly
Starting point is 00:10:27 as someone I feel as a friend. And thank you. I adore you and do not feel weird arguing with him in front of you. OK, good. No, I thought you were going to win for sure. I think I might see you tonight, right? You have to stand tonight.
Starting point is 00:10:40 I am? Yeah. Yeah, how about that? We'll feel nauseous. We're not going to feel good. That'll be fun. Boy, those two guys in a row had pretty yellow teeth. That'll be fun. But anyways, yeah, I made a movie in Maine, because I've been vacationing in Maine my
Starting point is 00:10:53 whole life. Where do you go? Boothbay Harbor. Beautiful. It's spectacular. That walking bridge with the little hut right on it. Oh, that's stunning across the harbor there. Yeah. It would blow my mind to bump into you one day in Boothbay Harbor. Well, that's a little that's a little north of me, but it's really great.
Starting point is 00:11:09 That's up by Camden Rockland, right? Yeah. On the way up there. Yeah, because Boothbay was Cassette and Bath. Yeah, Bath, Bath Iron Works. Yeah. There's a place called Reds, I think. Yeah, Reds Eats, which always has a huge line out the door. And also that one road that comes in through there, there's always so much traffic.
Starting point is 00:11:30 Yes, Wisconsin is like horrendous. Like you drive five hours from New York to Maine, it's great, you cruise, and then you hit Wisconsin, it's all backed up, and it's because there's 300 people in line at Reds Eats. Yeah, but as soon as you get past Reds, you get onto the bridge, and it's smooth sailing all the way up to Bar Harbor. Yeah, it's awesome.
Starting point is 00:11:47 It's like going to the Hamptons a little bit. There's just that one residential road, but it's lovely. Fantastic. Bar Harbor. Yeah. Where's Bar Harbor? That's Acadia. That's where the National Park is.
Starting point is 00:11:59 Yeah, I think I've been there. Yeah, I have. It's about an hour and a half, two hours east of Bangor. Kind of northern Maine Yeah, north northeast Maine, but still not as northern as you know press callous and Fucking what's the caribou caribou is exactly right? I did a road gig there a caribou and Presque Isle. Where did you play in caribou? I have no idea. This is the first road gig. I ever did it was probably 2001 it might have been like the towers were up still.
Starting point is 00:12:25 I mean, we drove 10 hours to go up there and I think I made 50 bucks and I drove my 87 Buick Century and I was like, I fucking made it. And there was a big giant guy, like a caribou main guy. He was like 6'4", 280. And I can't remember why, but during my friend Tony Moschetto's set,
Starting point is 00:12:42 he walked onto the stage. Tony was doing some kind of crowd work. The guy like got up on stage with, he didn't like beat him up or anything. But he did like, he was like doing a bit like, look how much bigger I am than this guy. And the crowd was like, yeah, Jimmy. It was insane.
Starting point is 00:12:56 And then we randomly saw him at the mall the next day. That's my memory of Caribou. The main mall? No. Whatever the Caribou press dial. Main mall is in Portland, but I didn't know. I thought that was our only mall. I mean, mall I'm using loosely. It was probably a Sears and a Filene's
Starting point is 00:13:13 and a Jordan's basement. I wouldn't have known they would have that type of infrastructure up there at that point in Maine. But I did, in COVID, the first gig I did when we were allowed to start performing again was up near there, not quite in Caribou, but it was at a hunting lodge in Northern Maine. And the only way to get there was by taking logging roads.
Starting point is 00:13:40 Oh wow. So we went from paved roads to dirt roads for the last hour and a half of the drive. And I'm telling you, dude, I mean, that's. It's like clan country. Yeah, Maine is like you start seeing Confederate flags up there. It's crazy. By the way, where are we ashing? You had an ashen now it's gone.
Starting point is 00:13:58 I asked on the table. All right. Feel free to ask. I know it's a very nice space. Eat the ash. Eat it. We're eating it. Leave no trace. I usually just rub it into my pants. Slow look. Crack that door open. Oh, this is for Asher. Oh, I see. Thank you very much. Your own personal Stella Blue ashtray. Oh my god. This is going to be terrible.
Starting point is 00:14:24 Just venting Stella blue ashtray. Oh my god. This is gonna be terrible The people who do our expense reports Clear purchases we make on the road. I just picture all of those people being like what's going? What is what's happening? They probably fucking think we're on fire Well, it was like, I didn't really know how we were gonna go about, cause they did say, last time we did, they sent an email saying we have to give them a heads up before we do it. And I didn't really know how we were gonna go about that
Starting point is 00:14:52 when we went out there. And then, usually, the answer would be, you send the email. You send an email. Francis took the- Boy, how do we go about letting them know? Francis took the lead on it. And he did a good job, but it was uncomfortable. He just went and stood at their desks and was like,
Starting point is 00:15:06 "'Hello everybody, we're gonna smoke cigars. "'If you wanna move, you can move.'" And then they all kind of just turned and were like, "'What?' Yeah, and he goes, he goes, "'Boy, that went well. "'They didn't mind.'" Well, I mean, it's kind of like speak now or hold your-
Starting point is 00:15:22 "'Hey everybody, we're going to throat fuck you for the next 45 minutes Just thought we should give you the heads up but from a distance most cigars smell great Most people like the smell of cigars outside On a screened in porch. Oh, but especially on tonight where today where it's like it's like a nice day out Yeah, or like, you know, this feels like summer Yeah It's like a nice day out. Like people are like, you know, this feels like summer. That tell them it's like a weekend. They're welcome to go outside. Yeah. If you guys are upset. We got extra, tell them I got the $7 cigars.
Starting point is 00:15:49 They can come smoke with us. It's a beautiful day here in the garment district. Let's stroll around. We talked to Dave. He said everyone gets to smoke cigars at work today. I don't know much about this Dave Portnoy fellow. I just kind of see him pop up. I'm not, but he seems like a guy that would be like, fuck the bozos, let them smoke, right?
Starting point is 00:16:09 It depends on what kind of, it depends on who's smoking the cigars. I think we are those kind of guys. I think so too. I think Dave would like me very much. I think he would too. I think he likes all of us. Yeah, Boston. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:22 Yeah. Well, we're all from the Boston area. How about that? Are you from Boston? I'm from Massachusetts. I mean, I'm from Whitman, Boston. Yeah. Yeah. Well, we're all from the Boston area. How about that? Are you from Boston? I'm from Massachusetts. I mean, I'm from Whitman, Massachusetts. Where's that? About, it's next to Brockton.
Starting point is 00:16:31 Yeah. About 35 minutes south of Boston. Nice. I used to play hockey in Brockton all the time. Really? Yeah. That was like the first time I ever saw like a group of black people like sitting
Starting point is 00:16:40 on a staircase. Oh, I thought you were going to say on skates. Because I still haven't seen that. No, no, no, no. I remember I did that. I went to a- Wait, wait, wait, hold on a second Joe. I'm so sorry. What?
Starting point is 00:16:52 You know, like, you know, when you like watch like boys in the hood and it's like they're sitting on the, on the stairs. Not usually at an ice rink. Well, I'm a driving through Brockton. Yeah, I understand. On the commute in. Okay. You saw a group of black kids, you got a little nervous.
Starting point is 00:17:04 Yeah, yeah. A stoop, yeah, they were posting up on a stoop. Yeah. And I saw it and I stared. I remember I went, this is like a long time ago, I went to a comedy show at Nick's Comedy Stop in Brockton, and my friend Derek made me laugh so hard we got out of the car and he looked around and he went, well, looks like we're playing a road game tonight, boys. And I still use that term anytime I'm in a neighborhood that's mixed race. Road game, I mean Maine, you must have had, it must have been quite alarming when you saw a group of African-American fellas. Well, yeah. I mean, as I've said before, when I was in high school or middle school, there was a
Starting point is 00:17:45 big immigration wave from Northeast Africa. Oh yeah. Somalia, Sudan, and maybe Ethiopia. And they settled in Maine. Yeah, that's interesting. Minneapolis, massive Somalian population. That's where they cast the whole movie of Captain Phillips. Is that right?
Starting point is 00:18:09 All those guys were from Minneapolis. No kidding. Really? I don't know why, because they come from a pretty warm climate, and to settle in two unbelievably cold places seems, like you're punishing yourself or something, I don't know. But maybe the cold is exciting for them. We love it here, it's cold. in the New York City, New York City, New York City, New York City, New York City, New York City, New New York City, New New York City, New New York City, New
Starting point is 00:18:26 New York City, New New York City, New New York City, New New York City, New New York City, New New York City, New New York City, New New York City, New
Starting point is 00:18:29 New York City, New New York City, New New York City, New New York City, New New York City, New New York City, New New York City, New New York City, New
Starting point is 00:18:32 New York City, New New York City, New New York City, New New York City, New New York City, New New York City, New New York City, New New York City, New
Starting point is 00:18:34 New York City, New New York City, New New York City, New New York City, New New York City, New New York City, New New York City, New New York City, New
Starting point is 00:18:36 New York City, New New York City, New New York City, New New York City, New New York City, New New York City, New New York City, New New York City, New
Starting point is 00:18:38 New York City, New New York City, New New York City, New New York City, New New York City, New New York City, New New York City, New New York City, New
Starting point is 00:18:39 New York City, New New York City, New New York City, New New York City, New New York City, New New York City, New New York City, New New like that that I watched a documentary on a Delta flight called Mr. Donut or the Donut King. Yeah. And like 85% of donut shops in America are run by Vietnamese people. Really?
Starting point is 00:18:52 Because it's just one Vietnamese immigrant comes and they're like, Hey, why don't we like donuts here? It's just dough and fucking sugar. And he was like, I'll do that. And then he's his cousin comes and he's like, dude, you should make donuts. And then the uncle comes and he makes donuts and then the friend and you can't get a donut that's not made by a Vietnamese person. Yeah 50% of motels are owned by Indian people. No kidding. Yeah. How about that? It's actually over 50%. That's a reoccurring fact on this show. We talk about that a lot. It's one of my good facts. The motels bought all the motels. No kidding.
Starting point is 00:19:23 Patel Motel. Yeah. All of them. It's just because they did the cost for the neon signage and realized they only had to change two letters. That's like, you know, the story of the comedy club, Giggles in Seattle. It was a strip club before called Jiggles. Hmm. Oh, no, vice versa. It was Giggle. That's what it was. That makes more sense. It was Giggles got bought out and became a strip club.
Starting point is 00:19:49 And then they left the sign and they just took off the front neon and just called it Jiggles. That's great. That's pretty good. Great titty bar name. Cost effective. Jiggles. Jiggles is a good titty bar name.
Starting point is 00:19:58 I would go in there. Absolutely. See some jiggling. I would go if they called it Pete's. The name doesn't mean that much to me. It's the tits I enjoy. Pete's also known as now Teets. Teets is a good name.
Starting point is 00:20:12 They went to Teets. I like that. From Pete's. Formerly Pete's switched the E and the T and yeah. You guys get it. Well, it is smoky. It is smoky in here. Do you guys say, is it a pain?
Starting point is 00:20:25 We can put them out. No way, that would be hilarious if we just bailed on this now. No, I am committed. No, no, now we gotta smoke all of them. We should smoke everything over there. Whole bag, whole bag. Yeah, we can go for like six hours
Starting point is 00:20:38 and just bank episodes for the rest of the year. That would be nice. Yeah. Our other host, Rhone. Do you know Rhone? I don't know if I know rhone Jerome Adam for own is Yeah, he's a friend to the the groups that sit on the stoops that Harry was talking
Starting point is 00:20:56 Never got in good with the stoop folks. He's a rapper. Oh really well. He was he was about he's I think he stopped when He was like 28, and he's 36 now, so I think he's been out of it was a battle. I think he stopped when he was like 28 and he's 36 now. So I think he's been out of it for a while. He's gone back, he's done some sense. But he just had twins. Oh, I heard that. Yeah. That was the conversation right before the cigar conversation.
Starting point is 00:21:17 Things were, we were doing okay for a bit, just the two of us. And then in our last episode, everyone said, we can't take anymore. Of Rhone? Oh no, of us. Oh. Yeah, they don two of us. And then in our last episode, everyone said, we can't take anymore. Of Rhone? Of us. Oh. Yeah, they don't like us.
Starting point is 00:21:29 So that's why we are so glad that you're here. Oh, sure. I'll be Rhone. Shane texted us yesterday. Yeah, and he said the episode, he said the episode Tuesday sucked. He goes, you guys, without Rhone, you've lost your juice. Oh, geez. We don't get it back.
Starting point is 00:21:44 Is Shane watching? He's watching. That was the most shocking thing, to've lost your juice. Oh, geez. We don't get it back. Is Shane watching? He's watching. That was the most shocking thing, to be honest with you. Shane, I sent back to back Notre Dame texts, no response here. I mean, I know it's- He's tough to get a reply out of. He's selling a lot of tickets and has famous friends,
Starting point is 00:21:57 but I mean, I'm trying to pander with these Notre Dame texts so I didn't get anything back. There's not much he needs, is what I've found. I've thought about presenting him with gifts to get a text back myself. Sure. And in fact, You'd have to buy him a...
Starting point is 00:22:10 I almost sent him this link to this art gallery that is selling these amazing paintings from this very cool Cuban artist I found that does these kind of abstract civil war slash modern paintings that are really cool, and I thought they'd be right up his alley. And I drafted the text, put the link in, deleted it, tried a different way, deleted it,
Starting point is 00:22:34 and then I just bailed. Yeah, that's rough. Well, it's hard, I think it's hard when you're friends with someone who becomes huge. It's much better to be friends with someone when they're already huge. Oh yeah, makes sense. I remember having this conversation because I became close with Louis CK when he was becomes huge. It's much better to be friends with someone when they're already huge. Oh yeah, makes sense. I remember having this conversation because I became close with Louis
Starting point is 00:22:46 CK when he was really huge, pre the whole thing. And I would just text him when I had a thought. I'd be like, oh man, I'm gay, whatever. And then I was with a friend who was like a friend to his for 25 years. He's like, you just text him like that? And I was like, haven't you been friends for 25 years? He's like, but now he's at the Oscars and so it's much easier. Yeah when your friends blow up you're like, they probably hate me now But I think that's easy for you to say I don't have that I can't I can't become friends with people people of that status are not gonna they're not gonna give me their phone number They might I disagree. I don't think I'm good enough. Oh, you're good enough. At comedy.
Starting point is 00:23:25 You know what I mean? First of all, you're a wonderful comedian. Oh, that's so kind. Also, you really think so? You're just a nice guy. People want to be friends with nice guys. I mean, you might think differently. They might think you're a grass.
Starting point is 00:23:38 Oh, no, Francis is a great guy. I love Francis. We get along well. We have a very fun sort of brotherly rapport where somehow I'm the younger brother. Yeah, that's what I'm confused by. I thought you would just hang him upside down. Just beats me. Take his change. Yeah, he beats me, stuffs me in a locker, tells me to go fuck myself, and I succumb. I acquiesce. None of that is true. I'm very friendly with Francis. We get in disagreements here and there,
Starting point is 00:24:03 but we keep it good. We keep it moving. and it is funny because we do get in big arguments and then right after it kind of just goes away Now here's something I'm interested in because you seem to have two producer type fellas and neither one of them is wearing headphones Or anything like we could be not even recording. Yeah, we watch the audio right there Oh, why do you watch your own audio? Because you just have two two men that just adding to the smoke and don't seem to be doing anything. They monitor it as well. Oh, okay. They monitor the cameras and then we kind of just do honor code for the audio.
Starting point is 00:24:32 They're not even looking at a monitor or listening to feedback. It literally looks like just two men adding to the smoke. Which I'm for. I would love if none of this recording you guys just gotten deep shit and it's not even an episode. That happens. That happens. That happens a few times. We just lost an episode because our producer took a phone call and kicked over the recorder in the middle of the episode. Tough. Now, can you dock pay for that? Because this is Mark Normand and I, we don't like confrontation. We always feel like we're wrong. Like you're saying, you just feel like an idiot.
Starting point is 00:25:03 I feel wrong at everything I do Yeah, yeah, well this one what we should Really every every decision I make in my life. I'm like, yeah, that's the wrong decision I have to say that is a stunning revelation and I mean this because you have More confidence in your point of view than anyone ever met and I credit you with that Oh, yeah But even in like when we were having the current conversation about the cigars in the back of view than anyone ever met and I credit you with that. Oh yeah but even in like when we were having the conversation about the cigars in the back of my head I was like I'm a fucking asshole. Well fake it till you make it though.
Starting point is 00:25:31 That's good. Yeah. Because I'm ready to kill myself. If you guys get in any amount of trouble I will take my own life. That's a guarantee. Then it's not looking good for your future. Now what are some opinions that you have that are hardcore because I like to debate. I don't have any like crazy opinions. I mean, usually typically how this show goes is we'll, we'll talk about, you know, Delta. We're big Delta guys.
Starting point is 00:25:52 Huge Delta. Yeah. Diamond three years running. Of course. And I earn it. Mine's just miles in money. I don't have the card or anything. Whoa.
Starting point is 00:25:59 Yeah. You gotta get the card. I have a card, but I don't, I have a corporate card cause I'm in corporate. So I use the corporate card cause it's easier for taxes. You're talking about you have a business card for your comedy career? Yeah so I just use that. What do you have an Amex? It's a no it's a Chase business. Ah those are good though. You convert the points. Yeah I don't even convert the points. You gotta get on the Delta Amex Reserve because don't say
Starting point is 00:26:23 United. Well if you're a chase man, United would be your go-to airline. You're telling him to switch airlines. I hate United. Yeah, exactly. Really? United sucks. See, I'm a United guy.
Starting point is 00:26:32 I'm a Delta man. You said you're a Delta guy. I am, but recently I've been leaning United. He's been troying. Delta man, United guy. No, United sucks. Delta's like the greatest company of all time. I love Delta.
Starting point is 00:26:42 Delta, I mean, their fleet though, it's aging poorly. He's a scab, he's a scab. You're out of your fucking mind. No. I love Delta. Delta. I mean, their fleet though. It's aging. Poorly. He's a scab. He's a scab. You're out of your fucking mind. No, no, no. Have you been on like a nice United flight recently? I wouldn't be caught dead on a United flight. Yeah, you gotta give it a try. Music to my ears. You gotta give it a try. No, I flew United one time because I went to Chicago to Missoula direct, so I had to fly United. But no, they suck. Oh yeah? Delta, the lounge, the colors, the women,
Starting point is 00:27:09 it's all beautiful. It's great. It's really, it's almost sort of a nod to the past with a wave to the future. Couldn't have said it better myself. You should be in one of those rooms with the sales guys. That was beautiful. I got a tear in my eye.
Starting point is 00:27:21 I've been meaning to approach you with some ideas for things we could do. I could honestly see you guys as- But I'll have to run them by him first. I could see you in my eye. I've been meaning to approach you with some ideas for things we could do. I could honestly see- But I'll have to run them by him first. I could see you being one of the guys that they play for like the safety demonstration on the TV. Absolutely. Yeah, folding up an oxygen mask.
Starting point is 00:27:34 Yeah, stunningly attractive man. Don't you think? Don't you think he could be in White Lotus season four? I never saw a White, I don't know about White Lotus. There's a lot of things I hear about, I don't know much. It's great. I hate television. This is my hot take. You don't like television in general?
Starting point is 00:27:48 No, you know why? Because it's fucking 75 hours. Just give me a 90 minute story. That is true. A lot of them, they really are dragging out the mini-series these days. I started watching, um, uh, what's the, uh, fucking, I mentioned them earlier, the David Lynch show, um,
Starting point is 00:28:04 Mindhunter. No. No, no No, no no quit Twin Peaks when I was a boy. I'm a lot older than you I'm 43 when I was a kid. I was like 10 when Twin Peaks came out Yeah, and I just thought it was like some silly drama then years later I found out it was David Lynch, and it's a murder, and it's funny And it's wacky so I was like I gotta give this a try and I watched the pilot and I was like on the edge I was like this is awesome Yeah, I was smiling ear to ear and then I watch episode two and three then I'm like wait there's 60 more hours of this fucking thing yeah it's tough to get into a
Starting point is 00:28:31 show that's like like starting like Breaking Bad yeah and you're like well this is a this is a three-year commitment that I'm making getting into this I mean but Breaking Bad is a phenomenal show yeah the pilot's gripping Joe I mean have you watched The Sopranos? Oh boy, you're gonna get me in trouble. No, I mean, I don't know, Judge. I haven't watched it either. I don't like I don't love The Sopranos and I had to change my story. I used to say I hate The Sopranos and it sucked and then people got very mad at
Starting point is 00:28:59 me and I had to start saying I don't like television in general. The thing I struggle with at Sopranos is, first of all, Stevie Van Zant is the guitarist in one of my favorite bands, and now he's just in the fucking show, and he has like a rubber wig on, and he's like, oh, Pee-Wee! It just feels so over the top and silly,
Starting point is 00:29:19 and I get it, Gandolfini's great and all this stuff, but I just, I've watched many episodes, I don't really get it, Gandolfini's great and all this stuff, but I've watched many episodes. I don't really get it. He did another show where he basically played exactly the same character on Netflix, I think it was, where he went to some location where they had had the Winter Olympics in Norway. Okay. And he was in witness protection, but he was a gangster.
Starting point is 00:29:47 Any idea on what that- Goodfellas? These guys don't even have computers in front of them. Yeah. Lil, um. That is how they're smoking and kinda half watching. Lily Hammer. I think it was called Lily Hammer.
Starting point is 00:29:58 Oh, Lily Hammer. I remember those Olympics. Yeah, and so he went, he did a show, but I don't, and I say it was on Netflix, and I only say that because I remember we got the DVDs from Netflix in the mail Oh, and they were pre streaming way back. Yeah, you were nine. Oh Yeah, I was really how old you 20 24 24 Wow just turned 24. That's a fun age Yeah, is it I don't know. I don't really do anything fun. Mine was a little
Starting point is 00:30:27 20s weren't so hot Yeah, when did you stop drinking? Twelve and a half years ago. I was 30. I just turned 30 Oh, I was like thirty and a half I guess but death the hangovers start hitting you hard when you're 30 you drink a little I drink yeah, you drink a little. I drink. Yeah. You find like when you're done, like when I was 25, I would drink and play basketball the next morning. Like I would black out and throw up
Starting point is 00:30:50 and then the next day play hoops. It's funny. I couldn't do, I stopped drinking a year and a half ago and I was, my hangovers were just like, I couldn't do anything at all. So I don't even know what they would be like when I turned 30, but it was like, I would be late for like a 1pm.m. show that we did here.
Starting point is 00:31:08 But were you depressed or you were just like physically? I would drink until like 5 a.m. Right. I don't have to wake up and go to the office. Yeah, yeah. And it was kind of, it wasn't even like I was, it wasn't like I was like drinking alone or anything. I just got caught up in comedy
Starting point is 00:31:20 and just getting fucking hammered every night. I just wanna say, you said you would drink and play basketball. Yesterday, for whatever fucking reason, I decided to play basketball for the first time in years. And I played four pickup games, and then I went drinking. And I don't think I slept more than 10 minutes last night. 10 minutes? From the- I'm in such a bad, that's another reason why I don't think I slept more than 10 minutes last night. 10 minutes?
Starting point is 00:31:46 From the- I'm in such a bad, that's another reason why I didn't- Well that explains the cigars. Really wanna smoke cigars. Yeah. I am shattered right now. Lead with that next time. Oh boy.
Starting point is 00:31:54 I was in so much pain after the basketball that I went to the bodega and purchased three 10 pound bags of ice and had them load them like fire logs on my arms to then walk through the streets of Dumbo back to my apartment where the guy blessedly my doorman got me a baggage cart because I was dropping them and let me bring them up to my apartment where I filled my bathtub with cold water put the ice cubes in and made a makeshift cold plunge.
Starting point is 00:32:26 Wow, did you feel better after? Get this, in order to check the temperature, I used my meat thermometer. Oh, wow. Yeah. What was the temperature? 41. How long did you stay in there?
Starting point is 00:32:36 Five and a half minutes. That's a lot. Is that really how, like did you feel a noticeable difference from that? Night and day. Really? I would be in such a worse place today had I not done it. It just stops inflammation.
Starting point is 00:32:46 I have a lot of inflammation in my knees. I had gotten, I always get the dead legs. Somehow, whenever I play basketball, I don't know if there's some guy boxing me out who just gets down on his knees and elbows me in the calf, but that's always what happens. It's a calf issue, but we won all our games. That's great. Who did you play with? Did you just show up? Three other guys. Okay. We had some ballers. You
Starting point is 00:33:10 know you play pickup like that. Oh no so it was just three strangers. Yeah. Wait did you play four on four or two on two? Four on four. I like that. And when you have for some reason when you play pickup there's always a guy who never misses a three, ever. Right. And we had two of those guys on our team. And I don't know why they didn't make the NBA. Do you know what I mean? We're like, you've taken nine threes and made every single one of them, and they've all been contested.
Starting point is 00:33:41 Wow. Well, there's other guys that are also good at hitting threes, is the thing. Yeah. Well, I have one last quick story that I thought was kind of funny. Wow. Well, there's other guys that are also good at hitting threes. This is the thing. Yeah. Well, I have one last quick story that was, I thought was kind of funny. Please. I was trying to organize the game because I got to the court at like 4 30 and, uh, you know, people were kind of just shooting around, but you could tell people wanted to play. And there was a woman, uh, who was shooting and she had headphones on. It's my understanding that when you're organizing a game you should the people who are there first get first filling and I had such a strong feeling of not wanting to be sexist and exclude her that and she was wearing headphones and shooting that I went up to her and I went And she took her headphone out and I said we're gonna we're gonna play a game. Would you like to her and I went and she took her headphone out and I said we're gonna we're gonna play a game would you like to play and she went what I go we're gonna play
Starting point is 00:34:32 we're gonna play a game she goes no and it was like she not only rejected she made me feel sexist for trying to include her that That happens a lot though. People talk about all this inclusion, but oftentimes the people who are trying to include don't even want to be included. That's it. They're like, I don't want to play with you fucking rapists. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:34:54 She's like, I'm gonna kill. What would make you think that I would want to play basketball with seven dudes who are 200 pounds? That reminds me of an old story. We used to play, we called it the Astoria basketball suit. When I first moved to New York, basketball was so huge for me because that's how I met everybody. There was like a four on four game.
Starting point is 00:35:10 We'd have like 12 people would rotate out. There was like a little basketball in the projects in Astoria. And it was like Nate Bargatze and Dan Soder and Tenor. Graham Kay. And that's where you shot with the video with... Yeah, yeah. Yannis. Yannis playing the Latin woman. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:35:27 So we used to play there and it was mostly white guys, you know, a couple of black guys play, but mostly white guys. And then a neighborhood kid came over and he was like, Hey man, I'm going to jump in. I play next. And Nate Bargatze tried to tell him like, oh no, we're a group of friends.
Starting point is 00:35:42 We're not just playing pickup ball. We're all came as a group. But the way Nate worded it was, we only like to play with our own people. And he didn't see the issue. And I was like, Nate, that was fucking insane. We got a rip roaring argument. Cause Nate was like, yeah dude, like,
Starting point is 00:36:01 you don't want this guy to play. We're all friends. We all came here. And I'm like, no, no, I understand. but you said we want to play with our own people. Yeah. And he's like, yeah, I meant comedians. I'm like, no, I know what you meant, but you do have a thick southern accent, and you just told a black teenager that we only play with our own kind. You might have better luck on that stoop over there if you Rally up a team a gang. I don't know what you'd call it And we'll challenge you guys that sounds like a story that the black dudes probably like he's probably telling his like grandkids about that
Starting point is 00:36:32 Now yeah, you gotta be careful when you go to the basketball Seven to be southern boys that wouldn't let you play it's the scene from American history X Yeah, it was bad. When he wins the game and forces them to never come back to the courts. But he genuinely meant our own group here. And it was just unfortunate that that day, the two black friends we had in our lives weren't present.
Starting point is 00:37:00 So that was a bummer. Accidental racism. It happens. It happens. It is funny for it to happen, and it's Nate Bargottsy that was accidentally racist to you. Well, now he's like the most famous comedian in the world, along with Shane, but it'd be funny if that guy sees him and is like, that's the fucking dude.
Starting point is 00:37:14 Yeah. Yeah. Oh, he's a clean comic now. Cancels him. Yeah. If Nate Bargottsy got taken down for a basketball pick up game and all of seven. Playing full court. No, we did half court.
Starting point is 00:37:29 Okay, yeah. Cause we needed to reserve the other half for that one woman. For the lady who lowered the hoop. Inside or outside? Inside. It was that lifetime. Oh, nice.
Starting point is 00:37:39 There's one gym there. I mean, you got some players in there, man. I'll tell you. It was fun. And I did well. I will say. What was your, how many points? We played to 16, playing by.
Starting point is 00:37:54 Ones, ones and twos. Ones and twos, yeah. And I think I had five points. Not bad. One of which was a three. I only took one three, made it. Nice. And then the one guy, the black guy on our team
Starting point is 00:38:06 who was making all the threes went, good shot my boy. Oh, it feels good. Oh, it was really nice. I could jerk off to that. I would lay back. Did you say it back? I didn't, because I didn't want to say boy to him. So you said, shit.
Starting point is 00:38:21 Thanks brother. Yeah. I did reach out for a high five, which he granted. I said, shit, thanks brother. Yeah. Yeah. I did reach out for a high five, which he granted. And again, that was the only high five issued in the game. Fair. So I needed that extra affirmation, which was too bad. But I, man, I'll tell you, I felt good. We really, we played well.
Starting point is 00:38:44 We played as a unit, a lot of picks, a cutting of that and they were passing and that's what wins Pickup games if you can actually move the ball and you don't have some idiot who thinks he's a fucking Prodigy and Huck's up threes all the time. Absolutely. Yeah, we should play some time you play no, no, I'm very unathletic Oh, that's too I struggle with a basketball was actually always been one that I like. I don't even try to play because I'm so bad. I'm like I did. I did like basketball camp when I was in like middle school. They would just have it at like the gym at our high school.
Starting point is 00:39:15 And I was the worst in the whole grade by like a mile. Wow. What town are you from again? I'm from Duxbury. Oh, Deluxe. Deluxe. Yeah. Yeah. We played really. Whitman, from Duxbury. Oh, Deluxe Berry. Deluxe Berry, yeah. Yeah. We played you. Really? Whitman. Whitman Hanson. In basketball. I guess that makes sense. Basketball, yeah, everything. You played basketball in high school? No, I didn't play in high school. I was I was in well, this is what happened. I ran cross
Starting point is 00:39:35 country my freshman year because I was like, oh, I could run. I'll join this team and then it came time for like basketball and I had fallen in love with my track coach and all these guys. And I was like, I'll just do winter track but I'm gonna keep playing baseball. I love baseball, that was my game. And then when it was time for spring,
Starting point is 00:39:52 I was a bad student, believe it or not. I know I have glasses, but I was ineligible athletically. And cause I failed. That's so surprising. I failed geometry and intro to computers. Yeah, I was like a retarded person. I failed. I told the story on our last episode about how I almost didn't graduate because my grades.
Starting point is 00:40:11 I almost didn't graduate. Yeah, it's so strange because usually shapes and computers are the things they gravitate to. Yeah, so I guess not. Maybe just, you know, stupid. But did you try or was it? No, I didn't try. Well, this is the thing. I a stupid, full minded person. Yeah, uh. Did you try? Or was it just me? No, I didn't try.
Starting point is 00:40:25 Well, this is the thing. A stupid, full-minded person. Yeah, I hated home. I still believe there shouldn't be homework. Yeah. It doesn't make sense to me. And I was an athlete, so I was like, I'm going to school from 8 a.m. to 2 p.m. and I have practice from 3 to 5.
Starting point is 00:40:39 And now you want me to go home. And do work. And do work. I'm working longer than my parents are working. You sound like Allen Iverson. We're talking about practice. go home. And do work. And do work. I'm working longer than my parents are working. You sound like Allen Iverson. We're talking about practice. Yeah, you sound like a UNC kid at like fucking center.
Starting point is 00:40:51 It just didn't make sense to me. I have an enduring image in my mind. I used to date a girl who was in grad school at UNC and I went down there to visit her once and I had gone to work out in the gym and then I was walking out and I saw some big shot UNC basketball player, Hashim Thabeed or somebody like that.
Starting point is 00:41:10 I don't know, maybe he went to UConn, I don't know. Either way, some huge guy, and he was wearing the full UConn basketball sweats, and he had a tiny white guy walking behind him carrying his backpack. Oh wow. And they were going into the library had a tiny white guy walking behind him, carrying his backpack. Oh wow. And they were going into the library. And I was like, that kid has been assigned
Starting point is 00:41:33 to fucking Sherpa that guy through the academic minimum requirements to keep him eligible. Oh yeah. They all have that. They all have like a kid. Well, it's fascinating because I never understood it academically in college sports because the tournament, you're just gone for like a month. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:41:52 And then you're on the road. I don't understand how it works, I guess. But I guess they just get you through. So in college, we had to play in my senior year, we made the Ivy League tournament, which was just four of the teams in lacrosse. And Cornell was the best of the Ivy League schools that year, so they hosted the tournament,
Starting point is 00:42:11 which was all the way up in Ithaca, New York. Which by the way, I think Cornell has the highest successful suicide rate of any college in America. Oh yeah, big time. Wow. Because all the kids jump off the gorgeous. The bridge. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:42:23 No kidding. So that's a cool claim to fame. Absolutely. I read a whole story about that. I was much too young to be reading it. And also the weather is so bad that it's just everyone's miserable. That's what Cornell is, Ithaca? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:42:33 I didn't realize that. And we went up there, and it was during exam period. Usually our season was over by that point, because we weren't good. But by this time, we were actually pretty solid that year. And we won semi-final game against Penn, which meant we had to stay another three days in this hotel in Ithaca. And Harvard sent proctors on a plane to our hotel to administer the finals in a conference room
Starting point is 00:43:06 for all of the kids that had finals scheduled. They didn't give them extensions. They didn't give them, we had to, luckily I didn't have it, because I was, I always tried to opt for final papers instead of exams. But like half our team had EC-10 exams or whatever for which they had to study around practice and
Starting point is 00:43:26 games and then take them in a fucking hotel conference room under the vigilant eye of proctors that sounds horrible they don't they never there was no oh yeah we'll give you guys a couple extra days good luck is that just like behind you you know none of that is that like just like an Ivy League thing though because I've heard so many stories about like SEC schools with like football. Like I remember hearing a story about Lamar Jackson when he was at, where'd he go, Louisville?
Starting point is 00:43:54 I think he went to Louisville. And he didn't start his freshman year and he was in class every day and he became like good friends with this other dude. It was the story was like the other dude was telling it. And then the next year, I think he played like one game his freshman year, and they were like, obviously,
Starting point is 00:44:08 he's gonna be the starter next year. And then the kid just never saw him again. This was never and never in class again. Next thing you know, he's in the NFL. But like those schools will go out of their way. So yes, to your point, I know that again, at UNC students there, and I think at USC, I remember Matt Leinert, they would have first pick of classes that they could enroll in because the belief
Starting point is 00:44:33 was that their athletic schedules were so stringent that they should have the ability to work their academics in around practice and weightlifting and stuff like that. I think, at least in my experience, the Ivy League, they did everything they could to distance themselves from any preferential treatment for athletes. Yeah, that makes sense. Did you go to USC also? No, I went to Harvard. I knew that, but I thought maybe you.
Starting point is 00:44:58 No, I remember Matt Leiner took ballroom dancing with his girlfriend. And they were the only two people in the class because he was such a celebrity on campus that they were like, we need to create special academic shit for him. Do you know Noah Savage? Were you there at the same time as him?
Starting point is 00:45:12 He was at Princeton. Princeton, that's right, that's right. He played basketball. He did, yeah. Yeah. It doesn't even really make sense though, like the trying to keep the athlete, like if you're a really good athlete in any college
Starting point is 00:45:23 at this point and you're getting the NIL money like how are you supposed to stay like say they didn't give you the help that you needed to pass the classes like if you're going if you know you're going to the NFL in two years you're a freshman you go into like Alabama like and you're getting paid millions of dollars now on top of that like how are you gonna be like yeah well I'm obviously have to study math? I think the answer for that would be, well, now there's
Starting point is 00:45:49 actually a literal amount of money you stand to make if you stay eligible. Oh, that's true. Do you know what I mean? That's true. Now it makes more sense. Yeah. It's easier to be like, no, dude, just get a C minus.
Starting point is 00:46:00 That makes sense. And here's $800,000. I guess I don't think about that. Do they have to stay eligible to get NIL money? I think so. I imagine. Yeah. Makes sense. And here's $800,000. I guess I would think about that. Do they have to stay eligible to get NIL money? I think so. I imagine. Yeah. Makes sense.
Starting point is 00:46:10 Well, they're not going to get the NIL money if they're not eligible to play sports. Yeah, yeah. That's true. That would be tough. You know, to be really good to do that, to pull that off. I like it. I'm a big fan of the NIL thing because you're seeing guys who would be good draft choices and high draft picks say, no, no, no,
Starting point is 00:46:30 I have unfinished business here, and I'm gonna come back for another year because I'm now making money, and I actually care about winning a fucking championship. The hard thing is, now basketball, we had four number one seeds for only the second time ever, which is kind of directly related to the NIL, isn't it? Oh, yeah. In the bracket. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:46:47 In the March Madness. Yeah. Cooper flag, Maynard, Maynard boy. Who is Cooper flag? He's from Maine. Yeah. I didn't know that man. Your knowledge of Maine is disappointing. Come in. Come in. Oh, boy. Here we go. Who was it? Lisa. Nope. That cheese. Who was it?
Starting point is 00:47:04 I don't know. Some guy. I'm hiding my cigar. Trouble's coming. Oh Jesus. Now we're fine. I'm Jim Jeffries. It was probably someone coming in looking for you. What's the Jim Jeffries reference? I just didn't want to be Joe List. I don't want a bad rap here. There's really not that many bad things that could happen to you from this. Yeah, I guess not but I feel like you're not going to me out of the box. You're gonna be like, no, he was a guest.
Starting point is 00:47:27 We would never do that. All right, I'll take all the blame. They get mad at me all the time anyway. Hairball has some kind of nine life fucking agreement. The blows just glance off of him. Well, I mean, they'll say, why were you smoking cigars? And we'll say we gave the heads up. And we put the air humidifier in,
Starting point is 00:47:46 which is part of the agreement. I don't see us breaking any rules. You know what you need is a fan that just blows it all out. Out to them. That way it's nice in here. Yeah. That's really what we should be doing. What we should do is we should stuff wet towels
Starting point is 00:47:57 at the base of the door, like we're teenagers. Yeah. In our bathroom. I think it's going up pretty good. You ever do the thing with the... It's, I mean mean it is thick in here. I can't see. Yeah. It's a cloud. I can't see. I'm having a hard time seeing the guys that don't do anything. You ever do the thing in high school with the paper towel tube and the dryer sheet that you blow the smoke out of? No. Like smoking weed and you blow it out of that and it like filters
Starting point is 00:48:26 The smoke so doesn't smell like weed. No my god. No, it was kind of I don't think it ever actually worked It was I never smoked weed in high school to me the idea of being high in high school is like mind-blowing Yeah, what why like just be it like I mean I haven't been high in a long time But like the be a stoned in high school is like terrifying to me. I can't I'm paranoid. I'm in school itself. Yeah. Or at night on the week. Oh, no, I'm talking about in school because like there's two that smoked weed before school
Starting point is 00:48:52 or school. And yeah, we had kids when I was in high school, like the repointing to me. I don't know. You just named some crazy MacGyver solution. Yeah. I mean, I've never even heard of your fucking weird blow. I didn't. There's going to be a lot of people that have heard of that. But, um, the when I was in high school, that was when like the
Starting point is 00:49:12 the dab pen started coming out like the fates. So kids would just go to the bathroom and they'd come back and they'd be like high as fuck. And you'd be walking. You'd be like leaving school and you'd see one of your buddies and his eyes would just be like dark red and you'd be like You're Fox dude. Can we tell the story from last week about what you and me when the chain hated? After the after the stand after our spots No, god damn it, man. What happened now we can tell it. I don't care. It's really funny Me and Francis, yeah, after the stand.
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Starting point is 00:52:39 kraken.com slash barstool. Not investment advice, crypto trading involves risk of loss and is offered to US customers, excluding Washington, New York and Maine through Payward Interactive Incorporated. We did the 9 p.m. show upstairs. Great show. Wow, you don't do that every day. Not now, fun, fun show.
Starting point is 00:53:00 That upstairs room is. That's my home base. It's tough. That's my home club right there. That's a tough home base. It's tough. That's my home club right there. That's a tough home base. Yikes. I actually think it's made me a lot better at comedy. Yeah, well I think if you're young and hungry
Starting point is 00:53:15 and developing, it's great. But yeah, if you're like, I know how to do comedy, I'm just trying to work some stuff out. It's really, it can be tough. But no, I can't say anything about it because that's the only place that I'm booked. No, some stuff out. It's really- Yeah, yeah. It can be tough. But no, I- I can't say anything about it because that's the only place that I'm booked. No, I do it all the time. It's just tough.
Starting point is 00:53:30 That's home away from home. I know how to fix that room, by the way. What is your suggestion? Because I got a suggestion too. I have a few that would make it much better. One is don't have fucking dance music at volume 300 that is bleeding through the room, which is completely nonsense.
Starting point is 00:53:43 It's the one and only comedy room that has music playing. Have you ever done that room, like 11 PM on Friday or Saturday? Yeah, that's insane. Yeah. But also the drum, the tst, tst, tst. Yeah. But this is very inside baseball. Maybe people haven't been there.
Starting point is 00:53:55 But they should make the stage half as high. It should be way lower. The stage at this club is twice as high as the stage downstairs in the big room. It's too bright. And they should also move the stage to the other side. So the door, what happens is,
Starting point is 00:54:08 I'm pointing at the audience, I guess, but every time someone comes in, it's next to the stage. So they look over there. But the stage is way too fucking big. That was my exact thing that I said. I think all comedy stages should be low. Should be like Philly Helium, where the tables are above the stage.
Starting point is 00:54:26 You're like four inches high. Yeah, exactly. When I do shows in the upstairs rooms, sometimes I'll find myself, like I don't even remember that the front row's there. Like I'm using the second row as the front row, and I'm just standing on top of the front row. Well, it feels like you're sexually assaulting them.
Starting point is 00:54:40 You're standing over them. You just wanna like come on their face. If I just squatted down, I'd teabag them. Yes. Nice. So I feel like this was very inside. People are like, we don't know what you're talking about. No, no.
Starting point is 00:54:49 We talk about the stand all the time. Yeah, I'm just letting you guys rip, because I personally think I'm very grateful to just have any spots there. Same. You too. That's what I'm saying. But you had downstairs all the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:54:59 No, I know. I remember a time when I was fighting for check spots at Stand Up New York and battling through all that. Right. Totally. My journey of at Stand Up New York and battling through all that. Right, totally. My journey of hardship through the New York comedy scene is recent in memory. So to me, the upstairs room and the stand is perfect. I said, I think my exact words were,
Starting point is 00:55:14 that's my home away from home. Yeah, and then you went on to draw the blueprints on improvements and. Well, that's constructive criticism. OK. My eyes are burning. Those are, that's constructive criticism. Okay. Yeah. My eyes are burning. This is terrible. We're all gonna be nauseous. I feel fine.
Starting point is 00:55:33 Well, by the way, part of this started because you said, I just remembered this. I said, a memory, you said we could do a rooftop episode. Oh, that is true. And that's when I was like, oh, we could smoke on the roof. That would be amazing. Where did you get the idea? That was a complete joke. Where were you? We were joking.
Starting point is 00:55:49 That's what started this. Oh, we could smoke during the show. And then you were like, you want to smoke during the show? We'll smoke during the show. That is true. You were the first one. You said we could smoke during the show. You really did cook this up. And I tried to impress him. I was like, we smoke cigars all the time. There was a rooftop thing. But you're saying there's not even a rooftop. There isn't, because we're on the third floor of a 20-story building. But I was joking about going outside,
Starting point is 00:56:18 but that was because we get charged $20,000. Oh. $20,000 might be better than what we're doing here. Between the fines and the complaints, it's going to add up to about that. Wow. It'll be a lot of upstairs spots at the stand for me to pay him back. I might do the rest of my eyes close just because my eyes are kind of burning. That might be allergies. No, no, it's the smoke. It's definitely it's a very specific smoke.
Starting point is 00:56:44 I was going to say, I've been really fighting my allergies. I never had allergies most of my life, it's just the last few years have been fucking killing me. Oh I bought something for you Francis. Did you? Yeah, got it right here. That's so sweet. It's a pollen plant. It's rotos.
Starting point is 00:56:57 I thought that was gonna be big. Okay. Rotos eye drops. I'll try it. Thank you. I got the extra strength. Holy shit. Yeah. Now what does that do?
Starting point is 00:57:06 Francis has been complaining about his eyes have been super itchy lately, so I was like, I'm going to get him, I keep on telling him to buy these eye drops, but I know he's not going to buy them. Hairball, for whatever reason, makes a daily pilgrimage to Dwayne Reed. Well, I go every morning to get a kind bar and a Red Bull. I love that. Yeah. It's just, I don't go into CBS or Rite Aid or Dwayne Reid unless fucking the world demands it. Oh, I go too.
Starting point is 00:57:31 I try to go every day. I don't like those places. I love them. I would say especially the one right here on 28th and 7th, there is a 50-50 chance that I'm going to be part of stopping someone from shoplifting. Yeah. It is not that, it's pretty common
Starting point is 00:57:47 that you'll walk in to that one, and you'll be like, oh, what happened to the door? Because the door all of a sudden is just a piece of plywood or something. Yeah, it's a tough, tough area over here. Oh, yeah. Nah, because we have Penn Station that's just a couple blocks up.
Starting point is 00:58:00 Well, only seven more years on our 12-year lease. Yeah. Yeah. So. I think we might be able to get out of it with the smoke here. Well, only seven more years on our 12 year lease. We might be able to get out of it with the smoke. Yeah, true. Now, surprisingly, you would think they don't give a fuck the building doesn't care either. I gotta be honest with you. I've totally coming around on the cigars. I'm loving the cigars. As you're tapping out, I feel like you're losing. No, no, no tap.
Starting point is 00:58:21 How much you got left on yours? I got this body you're looking at. You're having some eye issues, you're gonna want some rotos. Well the warning on these is that they hurt extremely when you put them in, and then after you put them in, it feels like someone just fucking, it feels like you just got an oil change done on your eyes. Yeah, I think I'll skip it.
Starting point is 00:58:37 I don't need the pain in my eyes. I'd rather have itchy eyes than fucking hurt eyes. Like, it feels like you could roll them into the, like you just do whatever with your eyes. Oh, so it is like lube, that looks like a lube. Yeah, it is. It looks like you bought him lube. As I was hauling my fire logs of ice bags
Starting point is 00:58:54 back to my apartment, my forearms were freezing and I was getting, you know, freezer burn on my arms and the weight was really bad. And I started reciting that Navy Seal mantra of pain is just weakness leaving the body. Sure. I don't know if I've heard that one. And then I quickly sort of responded,
Starting point is 00:59:13 my subconscious with, you know, unless it's blood leaving the body, in which case you're dying. Yeah, yeah. So there are occasions where pain is not weakness, you're becoming weaker. Oh, absolutely. So if you get shot in the head.
Starting point is 00:59:30 Or anywhere, really. Or anywhere, yeah. You're not saying like, now there it goes. Look at that, my pussification leaking out of my femoral artery. That reminds me one time, when I first really got into Eastern philosophy and Buddhism, I was really. Did you know? Sorry.
Starting point is 00:59:45 No, please. No. We talked about Buddhism on the last episode. Oh, and we're just repeating the worst episode you ever did. You're like the king of comedy called and said, this episode sucks. Everything we say is like, oh, that was on the last episode. I was like, oh, perfect. But I had a moment like that where I got really into Buddhism and just feeling, feeling, and mindfulness. And I was in Minneapolis to bring it back to Somalia.
Starting point is 01:00:11 I got in the van, like a taxi cab, it was a van, and I put a hot tea between my feet like a fucking idiot. Because I had to buckle up, whatever. And it spilled, the cap, the top came off, and it burned my foot. And I thought, this is my chance to use mindfulness. So I sat and just felt the sensation physically. And that's not what you're supposed to do when you have a
Starting point is 01:00:34 something burning your skin. You're supposed to get the thing off your skin. So I sat and just let it soak through my sock. And I ended up with a third degree or first degree, which is the third degree is the worst. Oh, then I got first degree. It's the opposite of murder. Yeah. Third degree is like you like your yeah.
Starting point is 01:00:51 Yeah. I got a first degree burn. It was like like bright red all the way. The skin was like gone and it's it didn't scabbed. It wasn't a big deal, but I was just sat there thinking like I'm going to really use this thing. Yeah, it was supposed to no, no gonna really use this thing. Yeah. It was supposed to no, no, it fucking burns. Yeah, it was to
Starting point is 01:01:11 get rid of the burn. It was to put trade on it. That's like treat fire. Like stop put out the fire. I tried to do that when I went in the shower when I have to shower and there's no hot water. Yeah, I'm gonna be mindful. Yeah, that makes more sense. But I still suck with that. I'm a big pussy with the cold water stuff. It's tough. I also just don't really feel like I need it. Like the, you're really into the cold bath.
Starting point is 01:01:33 Look, I realize that people have differing opinions. Well, no, I'm just saying. Personally, I cannot ignore how much better I feel when I exercise, then do a cold thing, I feel better after, yeah. He hit a great one. He was telling me, he's big into the cold bath and he was gonna buy, or he was trying to get a company
Starting point is 01:01:53 to send him one. And it was like a- I did, I pulled that off. But was it like the $11,000 one? $6,000. $6,000. But there was an $11,000 one and he was explaining it to me and he was like, it's not just a tub. He was like, it's a tub, but it gets cold and he's like and then it's really expensive. So it gets hot, too That's great. And I was like that sounds like a tub It sounds like any time
Starting point is 01:02:17 I'll tell you without the ice. I think the tap water from my bathtub yesterday would not have gotten colder than maybe 54 degrees. And I like to be down in the 30s if I can. Is that as cold, do you think that's as cold as you think a normal tap water gets? I would think so. Yeah. Mine feels like it gets down to the fucking 20s. It's gonna be quite cold, yeah.
Starting point is 01:02:38 20s. 20s. You're running it from the fucking mountain spring. That is one thing. That is lifetime fitness, They must have a cold. They don't, I asked. Oh wow. Really? Yeah, they said they only have one at 42nd Street.
Starting point is 01:02:49 I see, I'm an Equinox man, and there's one that has a cold bath. Yeah. That's on the Upper East. Is that what it is like with every gym? Because I'm a temple person, and their whole thing is like, we're a luxury gym, you know? And I like, I spent a lot of money,
Starting point is 01:03:03 and then you go and they're like, well no, actually the luxury gym is in Hell's Kitchen. Oh. It's not here. I don't know. I mean, I, equinoxes are all very nice. I'm a big steam guy. I steam every day.
Starting point is 01:03:12 Steam's nice if I can. Shout out Redwood Outdoors. That is the cold plunge I have. I have it set at 36 and I do five minutes. Wow. Well, how low does it go? I think that might be as low. It doesn't, it's not the ice forming one.
Starting point is 01:03:27 There's one that there's a different company that makes one that actually forms ice, which you have to break. Yeah, you got to break it open with like an ax in the morning. Yeah. That's not a bad way to start your day though. I mean, if you're arguing to start your day with an ice tub.
Starting point is 01:03:39 Yeah, I mean, all of this- Smashing some ax around. Is me trying to acclimate myself for the day when Joe Rogan asks me to come on his pod, where I presume we will work out together beforehand. No, no, he doesn't let you do that. This is what Joe does when you do the show, he takes you around his facility, and he's like, this is my bow and arrow thing,
Starting point is 01:04:01 this is the ice bath, this is the fucking chamber, whatever the night, the the deprivation. Yeah, sensory. And then he's got all this whole gym. And then you look at all of it. And then he's like, all right, let's go back. Yes. And you're like, oh, I thought we were going to use this way to shoot some bows. I thought I remember Santino worked out with him before he did an episode. So maybe I'll just have to put the, put the message in the night before. Yeah. I think he doesn't like me. I don't know. You always say on every podcast, you're like, my Rogan episode was the worst Rogan episode.
Starting point is 01:04:30 Yeah, I thought it was great. I loved it. Thanks. I did a few. Yeah, well, I'm the only guy that didn't fucking sell tickets after. People are like, I had somebody say, I forget who it was. They're like, once you do Rogan though, then it's all sale. And I'm like, I've done it three times. Yeah. And they're like, oh, four times now. Really?
Starting point is 01:04:46 Four? You just do it again? No. I think I did it four. I did it once with Louie and I three times by myself. There's no way that he doesn't like you if he's had to. No, he likes me, but I don't know. I don't think he sees me as a workout guy, maybe.
Starting point is 01:05:02 I don't know. One time I tried to pin, I was like, oh, I've been doing MMA for a couple a couple years now and he was like, oh cool Anyways, so the pyramids were built like he was just like dude I only did it so I you'd like me Have you ever seen the the dude that makes those Instagram videos and they're like when Rogan decides the jokes over? Yeah, and it's like three people going back and forth No, and they're like and and then one guy's like,
Starting point is 01:05:27 yeah, and then what if there were just like dinosaurs and they were just like shooting lasers out of their eyes? And then it cuts back to Rogan. He's like, why would dinosaurs shoot lasers out of their eyes? Yeah, he does that a little bit. I've had a few of those. I was warned about that.
Starting point is 01:05:40 And I'll be like, oh man, I'm gonna kill myself. And he's like, why? I was like, no, no, not really. And he's like,'s like, why? And I was like, no, no, not really. And he's like, but are you depressed? And I was like, no, no, I was just doing a thing. I don't know, just don't worry about it. I had one, I was on with Louie, we were talking about AI and the future of AI.
Starting point is 01:05:57 And I was like, oh, I would love, they have AI porn where you can just kind of be engulfed and you watch porn. I would put my dad, that way I could fuck my dad. Yeah, yeah. He went, your dad. What? And I was like, no, no, just you know, he's like, fuck your dad, dude, what's wrong with you?
Starting point is 01:06:15 I was like, I just thought it'd be a funny misdirect. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's hilarious. Yeah. I can't even imagine doing that. Were you nervous as fuck the first time you did it or now? The first time, especially, yeah. And it's long. I mean, it's a long show.
Starting point is 01:06:28 And I was nervous because I was like, oh, this is my big chance. And yeah, it was hard. I didn't, I was just like, uh-huh, yeah. I can't imagine what my yeah count would be. My yeah count on this podcast is already, I've said yeah 10,000 times. Yeah, I just go, I just did it right now.
Starting point is 01:06:43 I'm like, mm-hmm, sure. Absolutely. Oh yeah, big time. He also could say, you know, I think the Nazis were right, and I'd be like, uh-huh, yeah, you bet. Of course. I'm just very agreeable.
Starting point is 01:06:57 I think that too. Why do you think that? Oh yeah, yeah, exactly. You talk and I'll just be over here. You explain why the Nazis are good. I go through mental gymnastics. I rehearse conversations that I will someday have with Joe Rogan where I am trying
Starting point is 01:07:16 to dig myself out of holes. And I have never heard any hint that I will ever be invited on that podcast. You'll get on eventually. And I'm already worried about getting in trouble or saying something. No, I've done that myself with many podcasts where I'm like, well, here's the thing.
Starting point is 01:07:35 And then you're like, I'm just talking to myself here. Sometimes I tell myself I'm gonna ask him questions that other people have been too afraid to ask. Right. And he'll respect me for it. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:07:48 And I congratulate myself, you know? Sometimes the thing you think people will respect in you is not, like when I first opened for Louie, he like, he was doing this big arena tour and I said no to a couple of dates because I was like, I'm gonna go, I got, I'm family week. I'm going to Maine actually. And I can't do it.
Starting point is 01:08:03 And then years later, I was like, I think that's what got me in. He saw that I'm like a man who is willing to say no. And he's like, what? I didn't know that. He just said you were unavailable. I don't care. But it was like years of me being like, that's how I did it. I stayed true to myself. And he respected it. He's like, I don't even know what you're talking about. I remember I opened for Shane in Buffalo, that was like the one time I opened for him on the road.
Starting point is 01:08:31 And I remember I was like, that was just like, that was everything. Like that was unbelievable, all this shit. And then Ron, our other co-host went on his podcast and he was like, what made you like bring Harry on? Like was he, you called him up to the big leagues. And he was like, none of my friends were around. I was like, what made you like bring Harry on? Like was he, you called him up to the big leagues and he was like, none of my friends were around.
Starting point is 01:08:47 And I was like, fuck. I thought he like saw me do a set or something. And he was like, that was great. I had that with Louis too early on. When I first met him, I didn't want him to be friends. He was just at the cellar. He was hanging out and he, I talked about how big of a fan of the show, Louis I was.
Starting point is 01:09:02 And they told me this long episode that he shot with, who's Joey from Friends, what's that guy's name? Matthew LeBlanc. Matthew LeBlanc. They went to high school together. Oh wow. They graduated together. And he told me this long episode and the whole time I was like, I don't remember this at all, but I don't want him to think I was full of shit.
Starting point is 01:09:20 So I was like, all right, when he finishes talking, just be like, oh, I loved that, it was so good. And then at the last minute I was like, I actually, I'm sorry. I don't remember that. He was like, oh yeah, it never aired. It was, we ended up cutting it. So relieved. Yeah. That I wasn't like, it was perfect. Yeah. Because I would have been the ostracist. He would have hated me for life.
Starting point is 01:09:37 Yeah. He would have seen that you were not the family man. I was a piece of shit. Yeah. You professed the honest straight line, man. One time my wife did Colbert, I think it was, and they pre-taped it, it hadn't come out yet, and a comic, who I'll tell you off air, was like,
Starting point is 01:09:54 dude, Sarah killed it, she was awesome. I was like, it has not, you have not seen it, for sure. Which is so funny to me, because I'm like, all you have to do is say, hey, I heard your wife did Colbert. I hope it went great. I can't wait to watch it. I'm gonna watch it soon. Like it doesn't pay to just lie.
Starting point is 01:10:11 Yeah. You look like a fucking nitwit. You ever been, you've ever been walked into a lie? Has anyone you know ever known that you were teetering on a mistruth and then walked you to the fucking firing squad? I don't think so. I try to be real honest as much as I can. Because if you don't lie, you don't have to remember anything.
Starting point is 01:10:33 True. It was an old adage. Yeah, true. I used to lie all the time when I was younger. Same, same. Massage, just constantly. Well, it was mostly about homework. Do you do your homework? Yeah, yeah. And then I would drag it out for like weeks and they'd be like there's a zero because we had like the online thing You could check. Yeah, and they're like, well, you got a zero percent for it. I'm like, yeah, it's a mistake
Starting point is 01:10:53 I'll talk to the teacher tomorrow. It's supposed to be a one and a zero in front of that zero Yeah, oh, so you were lying to your parents about it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'd be like, ah, teacher's a fucking moron I'll get it fixed. This is his method. He denigrates the authority Oh, we gotta we gotta talk about that the lease so on the last episode we did the one that went so poorly She must not made it to the last five minutes 80% 80% of the way through the episode he gets a call and he goes I gotta take this I go go ahead 80% of the way through the episode he gets a call and he goes I gotta take this I go go ahead It takes it on on the pod and it's his landlord who I don't know I've never met the guy okay never dealt with him and he is an older Russian guy who I think he's actually Jewish
Starting point is 01:11:36 Well, there are Russian Jews. Oh, okay. Yeah millions of them. I guess that makes sense No, no, no. He's Israeli. Russia and Judaism mutually exclusive. So he calls him and Harry is two weeks delinquent on signing his lease extension and the guy is chewing him out for it on the phone. And we can hear what the guy's saying through the phone. He's a scary guy. Yeah, it sounds scary.
Starting point is 01:12:13 He doesn't play it, like it's not like, like I think the exact words where I said, he was like, you haven't signed your lease? And I was like, oh yeah, I apologize. I was like, did you guys send it through mail or email? And he goes, mail. And I was like, all right, send it through mail or email? And he goes, mail. And I was like, all right, that's my bad. I'm so sorry.
Starting point is 01:12:28 Like, I'll fill it out today. And he goes, I don't want your apologies. Sign the lease or get out. Oh, wow. I was like, all right. And Harry was apologetic, hung up the phone and then spent the next 10 minutes just absolutely fucking torching this guy. Because he's a dick. He's a dick.
Starting point is 01:12:46 He's like, who calls people? Who talks to people that way? I'm paying the rent, you know? And then I was like, well, you know, I tried to say, I think you got to sign the lease. Yeah, yeah. Which what I was going to say was I got home, checked the mail, no lease. Had to find it online. Oh, okay. But he emailed it to you. Yes. But he said they sent it in the mail, no lease. Had to find it online. Oh, okay. But he'd email it to you? Yes. But he said they sent it in the mail. Well, that's a clerical error on his wording. It says in the email that it's printed and sent back. Right, but if he said, well, you know what? It's not even worth
Starting point is 01:13:19 arguing on this one. Well, it's kind of a big deal now. He had sent the lease if he sent email, but he thought he sent it on, it sent it in mail. That was on the during the phone call. And yet you said the reason you had not seen it was because it was in the mail and you don't check your mail. Yeah, but I kind of I got out of it because he never sent it in the mail. I think I texted you. Did you speak? Did you speak to him about it?
Starting point is 01:13:43 No, no. What am I going to do? Call him back and go, it's not in the mail. Have you signed it now? Oh, yes. I signed it right when I got home. Did you speak to him about it? No, no, what am I gonna do? Call him back and go, it's not in the mail. Have you signed it now? Oh yeah, signed it the second I got home. There you go. Yeah, but he is an asshole because he gave me that same call last year. But what if he listens to this? That's what I was worried about.
Starting point is 01:13:56 That's what he said. And Owen cut up a very funny clip of the exchange, which I was excited about, and Hairball said, we're not posting that. No, I said leave it on the podcast, I said, leave it on the podcast. I said, I don't know if we have to clip it. The whole thing is live on our YouTube. Right.
Starting point is 01:14:10 Yeah, now we're coming up with this hypothetical where my like 90-year-old mobster landlord listens to the son of a boy dad podcast in through, in full. Why is he? He listens to the entire thing. To me, it's not that different that he would find it by watching being pointed to it in the episode There's nothing we didn't say this is like him scrolling Twitter and being like what the fuck yeah I guess it's true. It is tough with some time
Starting point is 01:14:36 I've had this because I was just talking about this We have a company that clips stuff from our podcast and it'll be on the patreon like which patreon you're like no only these people Are listening and I'll talk about you know clip stuff from our podcast. And it'll be like on the Patreon, like which Patreon, you're like, no, only these people are listening. And I'll talk about, you know, finger fucking my wife's friend or something. And then they put it as a clip and I'm like, wow, what are you crazy? Now it's like in the algorithm.
Starting point is 01:14:54 Yeah. So yeah, I get it. I get the not wanting to clip. I just didn't want, cause like I don't think there's any way he would ever find it, mostly because there's no one knows where I live. Right.
Starting point is 01:15:05 I had a question for you actually that I wanted to ask, which is that you have a child now. Yes. Mark just had a child. Yeah. Do you think that with, you know, premier comedians like yourselves, who people like us look up to,
Starting point is 01:15:21 sort of starting to place more of a priority on your family life, that the sort of starting to place more of a priority on your family life that the sort of dedicated, let's call it old school comedies, everything comedian is a dying breed that you're setting a bad example. I'm setting a bad example? Yeah. What do you mean? By having a child and becoming a family man.
Starting point is 01:15:41 Well, no, because I mean, most of the best comics, biggest comics have kids. To be honest with you, I was totally kidding with this question. Oh. Oh, geez, I'm like so self-conscious. I was like, oh my God, it's not gonna ruin my career? No, why would it ruin my career?
Starting point is 01:15:54 Why would I be broke and have no money to pay for my rent? It was a terrible delivery of a joke, so. Jesus, I was like, no, no. But I'm like, so in my head, I'm like, I have a kid now, all my money, I'm gonna get fucking, no one's gonna like me. Yeah, yeah. So I was like, no, no. But I'm like, so in my head, I'm like, I have a kid now, all my money, I don't know if I'm gonna lose, I'm gonna get fucking, no one's gonna like me.
Starting point is 01:16:07 Yeah, yeah. So I was like genuinely like, I don't know. I'm sorry. No, you're like triggering me. I'm like, I think I can still do it. I'm like, Louie, George Carlin had a kid prior. Chris Rock, yeah. Who said famously that his comedy career
Starting point is 01:16:20 didn't really take off until he had children. Yeah, Louie too. Yeah. Cause now it's debt, now I gotta make money. Guy fart on this couch, is that okay? Yeah. All right. I mean, I'm smoking a cigar.
Starting point is 01:16:30 I don't think anyone will notice. Imagine they come in for that. Yeah, they're like, who the fuck farted? God damn. Was it you? You shit yourself. Just a cloud of smoke going by. Guys, there's a lot.
Starting point is 01:16:43 Yeah. Come on, this is a workplace. Well, also, it does feel like a very nice couch that we're destroying. Oh, don't even worry about the fucking couch. Yeah, I don't know. This is just here. I had rehearsed that question.
Starting point is 01:17:00 No, I blew it. In my mind. But it was so earnest that I was like, no, I don't think so. Jeez. Yeah. The number one camera is on the ground. I don't know what's going on here. You got some better boards.
Starting point is 01:17:11 I mean, the premier camera shot is just. That's too far away. That's not cutting through the smoke. Am I on camera? There's also a fucking C-stand in front of this camera. It looks like, is that in the shot? Yeah, that's probably your tight shot. Oh boy. Zoomed in.
Starting point is 01:17:26 My eyes. I gotta need those drops. Roto? We can wrap it up. It looks like lube. If that's what we're feeling. I um, I don't feel well. I feel, I feel great. Oh my god, yeah, I gotta wrap up soon.
Starting point is 01:17:37 I got, I came around, the cigar felt great. Yeah, I feel like a million bucks. I feel physically well. I mean, I haven't stood up. When I stand up, I'll probably fall down. But yeah, I'm going straight to the steamer. I'll steam this right off. Good for you. I'll wear my clothes in the steam room. That's not a bad idea. It's not a bad idea. Well, Joelist, you have a lot of
Starting point is 01:17:55 things to promote. Yeah, I got to. Does this come out soon? This will come out tomorrow. Oh, wow. Yeah. Well, this weekend, if you're in New York or Los Angeles, those are very big cities. My movie premieres this weekend and it lasts a week, hopefully a bit longer, at the Quad Cinema here in New York City and the Sunset Five Cinema in Los Angeles. And that's called Tom Dustin, Portrait of a Comedian. It's a very good movie.
Starting point is 01:18:19 He's famously the guy that runs the place in Key West, right? Yeah, yeah. He runs it. It's about comedy and friendship and success and alcoholism. We have, it's a really good movie, I think. It's not a documentary, right? It's a documentary. Yeah, yeah. It's just me and him kind of bullshitting. He's on stage and he runs the comedy club and it's funny.
Starting point is 01:18:36 You have this love for... indie films and sort of, you know, making like, what are they, short films, right? I made some short films and yeah, you know, making like indie take off and make money for sure. I spent a lot of my own money that I can't probably make back, but unless you come, I don't even know if there's a camera on me, frankly, but Quad Cinema, yeah, go buy tickets. So I'm trying to make money. Then it's going to go nationwide, May 9th, it's playing all over. And then I have a special coming out May 21st, also in theaters. Where's that going to go? It's going, theaters now, and then we're going to try to sell it it but possibly YouTube
Starting point is 01:19:25 I don't know maybe Netflix, but hell yes, they don't put me on very often. That's awesome. Yeah, we'll see You had that great half hour on Netflix. Yeah, thank you. I thought it was great. And then since then they've been like, who's this? I'm sorry what and your YouTube specials are phenomenal. Oh, thank you. Great. Yeah, this might go on YouTube So it's called small ball. It's in theaters. So you can go to joelistsmallball.com or tomdustindoc.com. Those are the ones that they live. Great. Excellent.
Starting point is 01:19:51 Thanks guys. All right. That's Joe List everybody. We'll see you next week. Thank you. Possibly from a different studio. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:19:59 Die. ["Dreams of a New World"] Are we smoking cigars today? I think so, yeah. What? Yeah. Why? You're a big cigar guy. I did not request this. I said this is crazy, this is nuts. Are we really? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:20:11 Why? Because it'll be fun. We have to clear it. What do you mean? We have to tell them. And then they get the air thing up here. We already got the air thing. Did we?
Starting point is 01:20:19 Yeah, it's up here. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. I would. We have to clear it. What do you mean? We have to tell them. And then they get the air thing up here. We already got the air thing. Did we?
Starting point is 01:20:28 Yeah, it's up here. We checked our... I don't wanna take any of the heat for this. This was not mine. I don't wanna smoke a cigar. None of this was mine. I'm sorry to be anti. Unless you really care to.
Starting point is 01:20:38 I'm definitely gonna smoke a cigar. I'm probably gonna smoke as well off camera. Jesus Christ. If he's gonna smoke then I will smoke, but I don't wanna be the guy that's causing it. There goes the day. Yeah. God damn it, dude. You're gonna have to smoke cigar.
Starting point is 01:20:55 It's just like, uh, yeah. I like to know ahead of time. This was it. This was the last minute. So I can fucking decide on what clothes I want to ruin and whether to work out in the morning because I certainly won't after this. I'm working out right now. Now if there's any percentage of me getting the heat. No, you're not going to get any heat.
Starting point is 01:21:17 You won't get any heat. I don't want Francis to resent me. I didn't even bring it up as a matter of fact. You fucking brought it up. I had no idea you were such a cigar guy. I'm not such a cigar guy. I like this guy. As for us to make a special occasion of this?
Starting point is 01:21:32 By the way, did you buy these? No, I didn't buy them. Owen did? Okay, cool. So next time, a guy did send us a case. Oh, sure. Which he wants us to smell, which we don't have to do today, but. what kind of cigars are these? $7. Oh, come on. Do you want me to get the nicer ones?
Starting point is 01:21:53 Do you have real cigars? I don't want to. Do you have them? I have them. Yeah. I'll go grab them. I don't want to undo Owen's nice gesture though. No, it was a $7 gesture. Okay, hold on a second. $7? Sure. Dude, I thought that was ball of cigarettes. I thought $7. I thought this was a pass. What? How much is a good one? $18. $17. $20. $10? Is it that noticeable?
Starting point is 01:22:21 I mean, $7. I've never heard of this. What is this? This is educational. Is it like wine prices? Oh jeez I almost dropped my tea. I would have been hilarious if I spilled tea on your couch. Turn the fire down, till you came around. I was only falling one way. I was only falling one way Days were drifting Fall, fall as I So, so then you listen
Starting point is 01:23:47 Now I come alive I was only falling my way I was only falling my way I was only falling my way I was only falling one way I was only falling one way Fetish drew your eye Did you realize No one could take me alive I was only falling one way
Starting point is 01:24:30 See it just a distant light Feel it fast forever bright Call it just a memory Take my hand and you can see I'm falling I'm falling I'm falling Oh Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Be alive

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