Son of a Boy Dad - Masters in Paris | Son of a Boy Dad #251
Episode Date: November 14, 2024Masters in Paris | Son of a Boy Dad #251 -- #Ad: Get 10 FREE meals at https://HelloFresh.com/freeson. Applied across 7 boxes, new subscribers only, varies by plan. -- #Ad: For 10% off your order & FR...EE Shipping, head to https://JackBlack.com/BOYDAD and use code BOYDAD -- Follow us on our socials: https://linktr.ee/sonofaboydad -- Merch: https://store.barstoolsports.com/collections/son-of-a-boy-dad -- SUBSCRIBE TO THE YOUTUBE #SonOfABoyDad #BarstoolSportsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad
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Hey, son of a boy, dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple podcasts, Spotify,
or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music.
All right. Ready? Yes.
Yeah. All right. Welcome back to the son of a boy dad podcast today it is
Wednesday the 13th and the president is dead
It is 8 a.m.
Had to get up early for this one. Mm-hmm. Just get here early and grind And I don't know why you were so late because me and Francis were here at 7 a.m
Just get here early and grind. And I don't know why you were so late
because me and Francis were here at 7 a.m.
Mm-hmm.
We're happy to be here.
I mean, this is your bitch ass joke.
Make fun of my contribution to your bitch ass joke.
I was at church on Sunday.
It's a defense mechanism.
I was at church on Sunday.
Yeah.
Away game.
I was the Lord.
Baptism, 32nd Sunday in ordinary time.
And we were in, I think like upper Perky Omen, Pennsylvania.
And it was the kind of church where people wear like Eagles jerseys to mass.
I love that.
I saw a dude in a Nick Foles jersey.
And then I saw a dude in a Kelly Green Riley Cooper jersey.
Really? Riley Cooper. You a Kelly green Riley Cooper Jersey really
You guys remember who Riley Cooper? Yeah, of course you remember who knows he was an Eagles player
He was like their white wide receiver. He went to Florida. He was like a good deep threat
but then he went to a country concert and like someone caught him on video being like
I'll fight every n-word in there. Holy shit
video being like, I'll fight every N word in there. Holy shit.
Like he's on the football team,
one of like 5% of the white dudes or whatever.
Well, that's probably why he's wearing the jersey,
trying to get some blessings over to Cooper.
Yeah, they probably were just trying
to fucking look out for him.
And it was for a baptism.
And then during the baptism part of it,
there was like someone who was in the family,
not on my side of the aisle where everyone's getting baptized, And then during the baptism part of it, there was like someone who was in the family, not
on my side of the aisle where everyone's getting baptized, but on the other side, a dude was
like kneeling for like part of the mass and he just like reached down and pulled out a
two liter Coca Cola.
That's crazy.
I had never seen anything like it.
The dude just was there.
Dude, was there people like watching like the-Giants game on their phones?
Probably.
Probably just checking it out on their phone.
That's crazy.
He just surreptitiously, almost silently and slowly pulled up the fucking two liter red
Coke to his fucking mouth and started chugging away at it.
It was so fucking, it was so real.
Bringing the two leader to church is diabolical.
I mean, that's crazy.
They say that a child baptized with Coca-Cola
that there's actually a 100% chance he will beat his wife.
That's what they say, statistically speaking.
Well, I mean, I was just surprised
to see that a Catholic church.
Save that for the non-denominational shit.
Yeah.
Don't bring that shit into Catholicism, bro. We'll turn that fucking Coca-Cola into the
blood of Christ over to the Catholic church.
We'll turn that Coca-Cola over into Jack and Coke.
Right. Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John and Coke, bro. Fucking the gospel of Coke.
Yeah.
John and coke bro fucking the gospel of coke. Yeah, but it was just it was it was
Rattling but hell of a fucking hell of a reading in there
Unbelievable stuff were they preaching on?
Old Testament shit they this bro
It was a famine and he went to these pagans and he was like he saw a widow and he was like
Make me some food She was like, he saw a widow and he was like, make me some food.
She was like, we don't have any food. And we're gonna, I have a small amount of flour
and a small amount of oil and I'm gonna make myself
and my son some bread and then we're gonna die.
That is what they said.
And the guy was like, still make me some food first.
I'm hungry. Yeah. And guy was like, still make me some food first. I'm hungry. Yeah.
And she was like, all right. And she made him some food. And since she had trusted in someone
who was, I guess, a prophet, they had food for a year or some shit like that.
Oh, classic. That's always how those stories end.
Yeah.
But it was probably, he was probably just like-
And then they ate for years.
Turned out he wasn't just a douchebag.
But he probably just like got his- He was a wizard. And then they ate for years. Yeah. Turned out he wasn't just a douchebag. Yeah.
But he probably just like got his...
He was a wizard.
Yeah.
He's the one who told the story.
So he probably just got the bread from them.
Oh yeah, they died immediately.
Yeah, they died.
They died directly after that happened.
They didn't even get their last meal.
And he just walked away.
And then he just wrote down, and then they ate forever.
Yeah.
It's like, wait, how do you know?
And it was probably just him exercising.
That's when the patriarchy was probably at its peak.
Oh, yeah.
There was these non-believing pagans with their fucking,
and she's a widow, and he's a man, probably homeless,
and he's just like, make me some fucking food.
And she was like.
How many dudes you think left mass that day
and went home and told their wife to make them food as like a joke? Like, make me some food?
Make me bread.
Yeah.
Probably none of them because nobody listens to the cash.
Nobody's paying attention. But during the baptism part, the priest was like begging
the men to come to mass. He was like in a lot of cultures, the Italians specifically,
they never, the men basically say, ladies, you take the kids to mass and they just wash
their hands of it.
And he was begging the men to participate in the mass cycle.
Well, I mean, they shouldn't have made mass fall on the same day as ball, especially when
we got games in Munich.
That's what the Jews figured out.
Especially when we got games in Munich happening.
Exactly.
Yeah, that is the challenge.
The early games.
I mean, the Jews-
What am I going to do?
Not watch the Panthers' Giants? The Jews don't like college ball
because that's on their Sabbath.
And the Catholics, I mean, you know,
shouldn't like pro ball.
When did you, have you been going to mass on Sunday
for a long time?
It was probably, probably started like 36 years ago.
No, he's lying.
What?
There's no way you can go, dude,
when you had to do confession for, for the yak, you
literally had to like find a church.
Like you didn't even know where church was.
I went to a local church and I filmed it.
And you said it was your first time doing confession in like 20 years.
I don't do confession.
But you go to church every, I've never heard you talk about church once until the last
two weeks.
Well, no, that was more weeks ago. That was the 30th Sunday, ordinary time. And now we're talking about the 30
seconds. So that's actually will be three weeks. I don't believe you. What?
What? Like, what would God think? Am I wrong? He's never mentioned church once.
And then the last, that's why I texted him at 1pm yesterday. He goes, I'm at
church. What's going on in the game? And it's been the last couple weeks.
Yes, exactly.
And I feel like we have a blossoming, born anew.
Exactly.
If you're going to church, I don't care.
But I don't believe that you've been
going to church every Sunday.
I just didn't know that you guys were there.
Since I've known you.
I didn't know that you guys were there.
I'm impressed.
Because I talked about it on the 30th Sunday of ordinary time.
And suddenly, everybody's like,
oh, this is funny. And I was like, oh, I didn't realize that there's something to this.
And so now, you know what I mean? I'm happy to recount the readings, because then in some ways,
I'm a vessel. In some ways, I am bringing the Lord to you guys.
And also, you make it so that we don't have to go.
I'm evangelizing.
Yeah, we're going to get the message.
This is your mass. You know what I mean?
The Lord of God. By the way, don't try with him because he's, you know.
Half. I'll tell him half. That's why I only told him the first reading.
He's unwilling to receive the word of the Lord.
I literally am. I'm a confirmed Catholic.
His Lord. Am I getting this right? Just tell me if I'm getting this right. They believe, Ron,
and I might be a little hazy on this, they believe that the Catholic God is satanic?
Is that right?
Ron Kassar basically, or like that Jesus is not the Messiah, that Jesus is just like a fuckboy.
Like he's on the same level as Moses and Abraham and Jacob.
Oh, is that why they killed him?
Yeah, basically, because they're like, they wanted to prove that he's just another prophet,
that he could die like everybody.
I never knew why they wanted to kill him so badly.
Jealousy.
I thought it was because he defaulted on a real estate loan.
Very funny. Very funny. Back then, your people were the Corcoran of...
I'm aware....the Egyptian Mount Sinai desert, whatever
it is. It was, and that's why you guys run the media
today according to Theo Vano. Brown Harris Stevens.
Yeah. Douglas Elliman.
Harris Stevens, Douglas Elliman. Then in the second or in the gospel, there's this, everybody's like giving money and then there's this old woman who comes up and she's broke as a joke, doesn't have
a fucking dollar to her name. All she has is two coins worth a penny each. And Jews let her live.
Well, she gave up both of her coins. Because it happened at mass? They were gonna kill
her. No no this is the second this is the gospel bro. Wow. You can pay attention bro that's why I
need to really slow it down for you. But it's more significant that she gave both coins because if
she had had only one coin then it's a binary decision to give or do not give but if with two
coins she could have given half, she gave all.
When she had the option to still give half of everything she was worth.
She should get a financial advisor. This is why they need the Jews. That's just dumb spending.
I would have pretended I only had one and said if I had to, I'd give all.
Yeah, palming.
But I would hold the other coin.
Hold on to the other one.
Yeah, you palm it. You just slide it up. That's why they call it the coin slot.
She was had to put it with him.
I mean, you gotta have at least a penny to your name.
I would hold it in the webbing of my hand
and then do a magic trick.
Like, oh!
Like Oz the Mentalist.
I only have the one, but what's that in your ear?
What happened with Oz the Mentalist last night?
Didn't Jalen Hurston like him?
I saw something like that. I didn't watch the video. I said. I said if Jalen Hurston like him, I don't like him
Isn't it Oz the Mentalist?
Oz Perlman
Perlman
Is that him? That's his name?
I don't want to be like racist, but black dudes don't really fuck around with magic. I mean, I think they
Take that back. No, it's true
Black magic. That's a thing Well, I. No, it's true Black magic that's a thing
Well, I mean, but it's not black magic
Was a was there any black dudes in Slytherin?
Because then they have like the most dark magic and then they had literally Francis but now they were the bad guys
I don't know that there were many black guys in the entire Harry Potter
Which would be to Harry's point.
There's two.
Griffin, fucking Hogwarts was just like, we know they're not going to come.
Yeah, it's realistic. You send the owl, you know that they're never getting that letter.
They're taking that letter and throwing it right in the shredder.
When you send the owl, you know they're going gonna deep fry it. I can't have that.
I just can't have that.
Slytherin was a bunch of dudes
pretending to be black magic though.
Yeah.
No, they were bad guys.
They were bad guys.
They were the dark arts household.
But they're appropriating black magic.
You know what I mean?
They're not actually black.
They're pretending to be black magic.
Well, they were trafficking in it though.
But I don't think black magic has anything to do with being black.
I don't think it's like if a black dude starts doing card tricks,
it's like, holy shit, the dark arts.
Yeah.
I think we know that though.
We know.
There's at least two black dudes. Kingsley Shacklebot.
Oh, yeah.
Was a black bro.
Kingsley. And then the dude Oh yeah. Was a black bro.
Kingsley.
And then the dude who did the play by play at the Quidditch matches.
But those guys were just cast in the movie as black actors.
The book was never like-
I think they were like-
And then Harry ran into Kingsley Shacklebot who never knew his father.
I think they called him Jamaican.
I mean, they also called him Kingsley Shacklebot.
It's like her, I mean, JK Rowling calling the-
The bank.
Shit, the bank is-
Gringotts.
... goblins.
The Chinese girl is-
Okay, so there's inferences, yeah.
The Chinese girl is Cho Chang.
Cho Chang.
It's just so racist.
The Indian girl is Parvati Patali or something like that.
Parvati Patel, yeah.
Parvati Patel.
And Kingsley Shacklebot, we're to assume that is a-
No, no, I think they say he's Jamaican in it.
What, really?
I think so.
And that's the way she could say he's Jamaican
without him being black.
Dude, imagine being the owl and then you have to go to Jamaica.
Like, dude, come on.
All right, we're going to send you to do some mail.
They're like, where, Sussex?
Sherry?
Yeah.
Jamaica.
Kingsley Shackle, Bolt.
Bolt.
Yeah.
One of the few characters in the Harry Potter series,
and one of only four with a speaking role.
Did you?
Black people?
Oh, yeah.
Did you hear that people? Oh yeah.
Did you hear that?
There was like an old story that-
It's crazy that someone counted that.
Well, when it's four, you don't have to count that.
Yeah, I guess that's true.
Kingsley was a tall black wizard
and was described as broad-shouldered.
He was bald and wore a single gold hoop earring.
He had a slow, deep voice that was said to be reassuring.
He was hung like a horse.
Boy, they didn't even need to say that.
That's exactly how I pictured him.
Right.
I just knew his voice sounded like Malaus's.
Was he, but he wasn't, was he British or was he Jamaican?
He's described as black in the Harry Potter books.
Neither, he's just black.
His ethnicity is mentioned in the text,
specifically noting his dark skin.
Wow. Shacklebolt, that has like a slavery. Yeah, that's just racist. Yeah, it's just racism.
Yeah. That's all that is. Yeah.
But she was probably like, well, we have diversity. We have a girl and a redhead.
Shackle bolts?
It's crazy.
Yeah.
I was like, I'm surprised they let that go through.
The editors had to have been like,
what's up with the shackle bolts thing?
Well, I heard they actually had her tone it down.
Really?
Yeah, the original name was Wesley Snipes.
Oh man, we could have been so much more racist there.
Yeah, I didn't know what you were gonna say. Glad we landed on Wesley Snipes.
Have you heard Chappelle's joke about how the blackest name he can think of is Draymond Green?
of is Draymond Green. It's like one of those things I'd never thought that until he said it. And then it's like, oh yeah, that's great. Really? When I think of the black, I think like the
blackest dude in the NFL is DK Metcalf. It's always just been my name wise. Name wise.
Interesting. I'm trying to think of why.
Jadavian Clowney is up there.
That's good. Jadavian.
Yeah.
That's damn good.
Josh Allen has to easily be the whitest name in the NFL.
Oh really? I think the Josh Allen,
there's a black dude named Josh Allen too.
Yeah, that is true.
That is true. You got me there.
I think Josh Allen's relatively black.
There's gotta be some super white names.
Patrick Mahomes.
Patrick Mahomes!
Oh, a good Irish boy.
Oh, young Patty Mahomes.
Does he have Irish ancestry?
He can't be named Mahomes or not.
I would have thought, yeah.
I think his mom, his mom was, his mom donned the red hat and I'm not talking about the cheese one
Yeah, she was wearing the Trump and which is crazy cuz she's right next to Taylor Swift box
Mm-hmm and people are pissed at Tay
Why?
Because she walks slowly because she doesn't because I guess she didn't do enough for the election
Fuck is she supposed to do?
Steal the vote, bro.
Look at what Elon did.
Yeah.
Elon ran Trump's ground game.
Did he?
That's what they said.
They're saying that Elon rigged the election.
We didn't rig it.
That's what they're saying online, on Reddit last night.
They were saying that apparently there's tapes of Elon
saying if we change a line of code,
we can fuck with the vote count.
Legendary.
You would like Elon, he's obsessed with video games.
Obsessed.
Yeah, he's ranked in Diablo.
Plays Quake.
Top 20 in the world.
Top 20 in the world is Diablo 4.
Really?
Yeah.
That's actually a great game, I've played that.
It's actually pretty crazy, like if you look up the rankings,
he actually is. Says Elon Musk. It's crazy that he just. I've played that. It's actually pretty crazy. Like if you look up the rankings, he actually is. It says Elon Musk.
It's crazy that he just finds time to do that.
Well, they do it. He'll be at SpaceX headquarters working on a problem with them until midnight.
And then he and the engineers just go play video games till 4 a.m.
That's like how Moodge was when he first came to Barstool.
Oh yeah.
We were just playing Diablo.
We didn't realize we had a true Musk on our hands.
We played so much Search and Destroy this weekend.
You did?
So fun.
Most fun I've had playing video games in a while.
I believe it.
Me, Mooc, Peters, Bo.
Wait, Mooc is in with the boys?
Oh yeah, big time.
They play with Mooc without me.
Really?
Yeah.
So you're about to be out.
Peters and Mooc play video games together.
It's hilarious.
I like to hear that.
It's so crazy because you gate kept them for so long
and you wouldn't play video games with Pat Beverly.
Wow.
And it got mad when I started becoming good friends with Bo.
Well, because you were becoming friends with them
specifically trying to hijack the,
hijack my friend group.
And what's Mooc doing?
That's you being insecure.
I was friends with them because I liked their personalities.
Yeah, I'm not sure about that.
Oh, and I have a lot in common.
Peter's and I play chess together.
You think you and Bo have a lot in common
because of how he presents himself in public,
but Bo played video games for like six hours yesterday.
Oh, you wouldn't do that?
The only thing preventing me from playing video games
is that I haven't purchased a gaming console
You should get one. You should get the
the headset
The meta headset. I was a big gear head. Yeah
Gears of War. Yeah, I played it all the time and I mean chess is basically a video game
It is when you're playing like chess against somebody about that. That's play your gaming
Whenever you're playing online chess. Mm- don't know about that. That's for your gaming. The original video game.
Gaming whenever you're playing online chess.
What is the original? I guess Pong.
The original video game?
Yeah. I think it's...
Pong is up there. Yeah, that's pretty good.
Yeah, I don't know.
Is Pong predate like...
arcade games?
I guess like Pinball was the precursor.
Yeah. That's not really a video game. Itball was the precursor. Yeah that's not really a video game. Can someone explain this is a genuine question is pinball a
skill game? I think so. You get better? Yeah definitely. So when I play so often
the ball just goes into a place where neither of the flippers can hit it. Yeah.
And I die. Yeah. How do really good pinball players prevent that from happening?
Because you've got to angle it so that it never goes.
You probably know where it's going to go based on the angle.
So you've got to know the angles to make sure that it's not going to bounce off something
and land in the middle.
And people know, like a good pinball player knows the lay of the land.
Yeah.
Right.
They know the map.
They've had it made the golf course before.
Exactly. You know where the bunkersers are You know where to hit it
Do they catch it every time with the flipper up and they catch it and then let it roll down a little and go
I don't know. I think catching it is kind of like the reset
Catching it is like our let's take a deep breath
But you still alive you can't you can't guarantee that you're gonna
Direct the ball in the direction you want to out into the landscape if you don't catch it.
I think that's coming from people
that don't play the game ever.
No, that's true.
Because if the ball's just coming down fast
and you just hit it.
You could probably, you probably know the timing
of hitting it.
I went to a pinball factory on a bachelor party one time
and there was like a wrestling
video game that featured CM Punk and I was with CM Punk at the time.
Oh, that's cool.
And he got to see it.
He was on the bachelor party?
He was at the bachelor party.
Was John Mayer there as well?
He was.
That one.
I don't know if he went to the, he didn't go to the pinball thing though.
Wasn't really his speed.
He was where we had the baseball game later on that day.
Yeah.
I think he wanted to sleep in.
He wanted to get a little rest in.
He wanted to work on his six string.
Understandable.
Guy like me though, I'm going to every activity
at a bachelor party.
Oh yeah, of course.
I'm not missing out because, I mean bachelor parties,
you're gonna find a guy to ostracize,
so you always gotta be on the inside of the circle.
Yeah, makes sense.
Makes sense to me
Oh speaking of which my sister got engaged this weekend
Yeah, we've all been wondering when that was gonna happen
Yeah, you've given this guy a that was going to happen. Yeah.
Are you giving this guy a hard time or what?
Would it be all right if I had a Sour Patch Watermelon?
Yeah, they're over a week old.
That's fine.
They're cryogenically.
They last forever.
I might have polished them off.
All right, if you're going to have one,
I'm going to have one too.
We'll go down together.
None for you? I bought those last week and then I saw that there's 84% of your
weekly sugar in them. It's insane how much sugar. You look at the calories, you're like,
okay, not crazy. And then you look at the sugar amount. I fucking had two of them and
my left eye started twitching. 44 grams. That's so many guams.
You're supposed to have 25 grams of sugar a day.
It's a ridiculous amount of sugar.
And there's 44 guams in there?
All right, I'll have one.
I've been hammering smoothies every morning
because I'm off the coffee.
Bro, it wasn't the coffee, bro.
Definitely was part of it.
Well, no, it's the vape, bro, but you just can't quit the vape.
Dude, people were DMing me saying, oh, you got to's the vape bro, but you just can't quit the vape Dude people were like DMing me saying like oh you got to quit the jewel
I've had panic attacks way long before I was using the jewel and then they stopped and
Now they're back. It has nothing to do with the jewel. Yeah, I have a panic disorder. I have panic attacks constantly
Not constantly because I know how to manage them, but like I'm always
I'm always close right so nothing, but like I'm always, I'm always close. Right. So nothing triggers them.
I'm always right there.
Yeah. But they don't get triggered by anything, right?
No, not really.
That's not true. And why would you quit coffee if you, if you think nothing triggers them?
Because last week, because I had so many panic attacks. So I hadn't had a panic attack, probably
a real panic, like a full on out of control one since I was probably,
full on out of control one since I was probably,
probably like four, three or four years. And then I had like four of those last week.
So then all of the walls came crashing down
and then all of a sudden it was like everything
that makes me anxious, that has made me anxious in the past
was making me anxious again.
So like being in cars, all of a sudden I was anxious
in Ubers, the idea of being on a plane,
I was like, I can't go on a plane right now. And then like caffeine, that's going to make me feel like shit.
What was your first panic attack?
In high school.
And when did you start drooling? Before high school?
Yeah, but dude, I mean, I don't know. I don't really understand what this is.
I know what it is. It has nothing to do with that.
Zero factorial equals one.
Let's just put it this way. It is a possible cause and you're not going to cut it is. It has nothing to do with zero factorial. Let's just put it this way
It is a possible cause and you're not gonna cut it out
Give an idea. It's not it's not a possible cause
Why?
Because I know what the triggers are and it has nothing to do with the jewel and why'd you quit coffee?
Because caffeine is one of the triggers. So why is the jewel trigger?
Because it's not. What, who
says? You? You just know your body? Yes, exactly. I don't buy it. All right. I think
you got to get off gluten too. I think what it would reset you is you go to go
to Paris for your masters. You get your masters in Paris and you'll be fucking good to go.
That's always a, that's always a, it's always on the table to go get your degree.
Always nice to go.
Just the option of getting your degree.
I watched that podcast.
I watched that podcast on the YouTube split screen with the Ravens and the bangles and
then that on the other side.
Oh, YouTube allowed you to put those two up.
So I'm kidding.
They should.
Honestly, I know you can play.
You can't play regular YouTube videos on the multi-facility things
that have been like selected to be paired.
Which is so stupid.
You can't pair certain games together.
Yeah, makes no sense.
I wonder why.
I wonder why that is why you you can't just pay her two things.
Why can't it just be an individual part of what they're broadcasting?
I don't know.
I was just told that Zach Brian unfollowed or blocked every single-
He didn't unfollow you.
I checked.
Every single barstool employee except for me.
How did you know that?
Because I checked.
Why would you check?
Because you said that he followed you on Instagram.
And then I went to his following tab
and the first thing that comes up is people that I follow
that he follows and you were the first person.
I have some, well, I mean like every,
Meek Phil and like Duges think that they were-
But he doesn't follow you?
No, I don't follow him.
But Meek Phil and Duges,
they think that they were unfollowed. It's because they run barstool accounts. And so when you block
someone, like say they run like a college football barstool or something like that, when you block
that account, then everybody, all the other accounts associated with it get blocked.
Best feature on Instagram, to be honest. Right. He wasn't going through like blocking
like Katie stats or like random people. like all these people have this like I love that
Block this account. It says block this account and any other accounts they may have and new accounts that they create
That's the IP exactly. It's all these people just finish is off the IP a personal attack on them. Yeah, they're like, oh, yeah, he
Unfortunately, he doesn't know who they are. No.
Did everyone talk about this?
I didn't know about this.
What?
Everyone's talking about this?
The blocking?
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's been the talk of the town.
Oh.
The block of the town.
I don't think he knows that I work here.
He probably just knows you from tires.
I don't know what he knows me from.
Whatever. As long as you go and skate, that's all that matters.
All right. Dare I say I'm Team Zack? Bruh.
Bruh. I'm kidding. I would never say such a thing.
You just did. Clip it.
I said, dare I say? Clip it.
Post it. Spread it.
Would I dare? Dare I? I dare not.
Clip it, post it, spread it to your I, I dare not. Clip it, post it, spread it to your friends. Ruin him.
Ruin him too.
Ruin Francis.
Distract.
Coming.
Activated.
Oh God.
The tallest man.
The most ripped man who could do the most laps.
Where has Gaz been?
I haven't seen his crazy ass in a minute.
I see him downstairs occasionally.
I miss his ass.
And he goes, King of New York.
He'll go, Hey, Ron, to me.
Which of course is a reference to a Barstool radio caller from 2017.
Yep, of course.
Of course.
Everybody knows that.
Classic. No sleep, Ethan. I'm of course. Of course, everybody knows that. Classic.
No Sleep Ethan.
I'm already crashing off of these Sour Patch Kids.
Every single Barstool fan has a name.
What do you mean?
I said No Sleep Ethan.
It usually could have been who it was.
No Sleep Ethan.
You don't remember?
No Sleep Ethan.
Big Je, Brett. Dude, you need to catch up on your, on your bar stool history.
You don't know big jeans.
Tell me you don't tell me you didn't forget about big jeans.
Brett first down Phil.
I saw a tick tock of Brett Merriman doing this exact thing on his new podcast.
Really?
Going through and being, going to his co-host being like, is this a real person or a fake
person?
And it's hilarious.
Some of the names.
She's like double vodka Don.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
Oh man.
Classic.
Timeless.
Timeless.
Timeless shit going on at this company.
Dude, you should have seen us talking ball last week?
I feel like people are gonna be clamoring for a Thursday episode
Well, I was saying oh and we should do it again
But maybe you'll just do it at the end at the very end at the end of this go through every game
I mean we made a parlay and it honestly if you bet all the games straight you would be a fucking oh, yeah
Yeah, yeah, I know every single Sunday
I think about I'm like I'm like, I'm like,
the amount of bets that I've hit that I haven't won from,
because I only do parlays like I would have,
I would have made so much because I, but I just, I don't know why.
I just like refuse to bet straight, except for the Patriots.
I always bet the least straight guy. I know. I always bet the Patriots straight.
Phenomenal game from the Patriots. Playing against the...
One of the worst teams in the league.
Not really.
The Bears suck now.
They suck right now. They suck.
Yeah, of course, now the Bears are a bad team because the Patriots beat them.
Exactly.
Dude, the Patriots destroyed them. We played phenomenal. Our defense was incredible.
What's the Patriots record?
Our style was impregnable.
Three and seven? No, no one. Tyson.
Tyson.
Tyson.
Tyson.
Tyson.
Tyson.
Tyson.
Tyson.
Tyson.
Tyson.
Tyson.
Tyson.
Tyson.
Tyson.
Tyson.
Tyson.
Tyson.
Tyson.
Tyson.
Tyson.
Tyson. Tyson. Tyson. Tyson. Tyson. what he actually sounded like. He's watching Jake Paul on the TV and Jake Paul says, Mike, I respect you, but I'm gonna take your legacy
or I'm gonna, something like that.
And Mike goes,
Pfft,
Pfft,
makes a sound.
He goes,
the thing about Jake Paul is the manufactured killer.
I'm a natural born killer.
Honestly, in some ways I prefer the manufactured killer.
That's probably like the Native Americans
probably thought the same thing.
Oh yeah.
Like we're natural born killers.
The white man is.
Definitely, give me the manufactured guy.
Nine times out of 10.
Bordere's in the white manor.
Yeah.
But really like the manufactured killer
probably has like a trumpet ended shotgun
that'll buckshot an entire tribe simultaneously
and some smallpox blankets to go along with it.
Dude, did you guys see, I was just saying this
because Francis brought up the Mike Tyson
watching Jake Paul on the TV.
Did you guys see the Trump video of him watching
Kamala's rally and then telling the people what to tweet?
Dictating it?
Yeah. I heardating it? Yeah.
I didn't, I heard someone talking about it.
Yeah, dude, it is.
I could watch, I could literally watch 24 hours of it.
So he's not typing those tweets himself though?
He's telling them exactly what to say.
Like all caps say this.
Oh, he tells them when to capitalize?
Like every, dude, it is unbelievable.
So it's like him dictating a text.
Yes.
When he's driving.
They're sitting there watching it and she just keeps going, thank you, thank you.
And they're clapping and he goes, and he's just like, oh my God, this is way too many
thanks.
Like he's just tearing her apart right from the beginning.
It's unbelievable.
They need to like release that weekly.
Yeah, they probably won't.
They won't. They won't give the
American people what they need. No. That's what we need. You know what I need
according to every dude on Instagram? Vitamin D. A haircut and this is what I
don't understand. Here we go. Why are dudes telling me, DMing me and telling me
I need a haircut? Because, it gotta be gay.
That's what it is.
They're gay guys.
I get DMs from people every single day being like, dude,
you need new socks.
You need a new hat.
You need a new haircut.
You're wearing that jacket again.
You're wearing those pants.
It's like, I don't care.
I don't know why people think.
You just gotta go like this.
Why would it bother anyone?
I don't care how I look right now. I'm going through a phase where I truly don't care. I don't know why people think. You just gotta go like this. You just gotta let it flow down the road. Why would it bother anyone? I don't care how I look right now.
I'm going through a phase where I truly don't care.
I don't believe you.
Well, mm.
I think you're lying.
Oh!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
It's pretty easy to say that,
because I say that.
I'm always like, I don't care.
I don't care what I look like.
I don't care about, but I do.
No, I don't care about my hair.
Yeah, I don't care about my hair. I think your hair looks good. My hair is insane. I think you see a bad picture of your hair, and then you care about but I do. No I don't care about my hair. Yeah I don't care about my hair.
I think your hair looks good.
I think you see a bad picture of your hair
and then you care about your hair.
No.
That's insane.
I think it's like.
It's the longest it's ever been.
No it's not.
No it's not.
This is the longest it's ever been.
No it's not.
In high school you had longer hair.
This showed us the picture of you in high school.
It was down to your shoulders.
This is way longer now than it was in high school.
I just didn't have it tamed in high school
I would love to see it untamed like I grew it out from like a buzz cut
So every strand was exactly the same. Oh, yeah
That's always the worst. I never shaped it with a haircut and set it right when I got the buzz cut
I was devastated when I found out that you have to like go get your haircut like weekly to like maintain the shape
I was like what I was like I got the buzz cut so I would never have to like maintain the shape. I was like, what?
I was like, I got the buzz cut
so I would never have to go to the barber again.
That was the plan.
Otherwise you look like a Chinese landlord.
Yeah, exactly.
You just get like an Afro.
Every piece just starts growing
and then it's just like up.
Like a Chinese landlord.
What are they?
Similar to a Chinese landlord.
It's not racist if you give the person like a position of
like strength and
you know authority. I hate my landlord. Like a Chinese president.
I've told you guys about when my landlord called me. Your Jewish landlord? I don't know if he might be Jewish.
I think he was Italian to be honest. What did he call you?
Called me and he was like, probably a daigo. He's like this Harry. I think he was Italian, to be honest. What did he call you? Called me and he was like, he's like this Harry.
And I was like, hello?
Why didn't you send us our money yet?
And I was like, uh, I did.
I sent it on the, uh, online.
It was really like, it was a very, I don't
really remember to work for it, but it was a
very intimidating phone call.
He pretty much was insinuating that he was
going to come break my kneecaps.
No way. What the hell break my kneecaps. No way.
What the hell?
What kneecaps?
You don't have kneecaps, you fucking idiot.
You can't have kneecaps if you don't go outside.
You don't even have kneecaps.
Bro, bro doesn't even have kneecaps.
The kneeless nerd. Bro is salty and seething right
now. Bro. I do. Bro has no kneecaps. I do have kneecaps. Me thinks the bro does protest
too much. Oh, I do have kneecaps. Who are you trying to convince, bro? Bro has no caps.
You guys look like you have less kneecaps than me. What? What do you call this, bro?
I have Osgood's Slaughter's disease. Yeah. That's like when you have too much kneecap. Chill down with your Harvard
talk. Starts breaking off and starts breaking off like a continental shelf or
something. I have Oschlosser's disease. He's Osgut Slaughter's. He's got the Pangea of kneecaps.
They're connected with one another and then they slowly broke apart through time. I've got beautiful kneecaps
All right, bro. I'll be the judge of that roll up
Look at that cap
The why'd you pull your
Pointy-ass kneecaps like a rhinoceros
Why'd you pull your socks up so high today? I always have them at this height. Yeah
Pulled up to your eyeballs because when you bike and you walk bike and you walk, you don't want the wind touching your legs.
Yeah, but like a little bit of breaking this sock, I feel like would be really nice.
Everybody comments now on everything I do about the fact that I was reading in 1984 without my shirt on.
It's so funny.
That's the thing now. That's my thing.
You're just going to work that out. Hmm
The way that you said that you like looked the other way. It was like you were talking to yourself
I thought he was doing a Jim Halpert camera spike. I think he was no no, I didn't look at the camera
Oh, there's the camera. I couldn't even see it
Everything I do now people just comments about my 1984 book
And we're just like silently talking to each other in the
background.
It haunts my every move, every step I take.
It does occur to me that I told that story. So it's on me.
Yeah. And it was weird.
What the move was or the story?
No, the
I think it's way funnier that you told us.
If you had done it and never told the story, then it would be weird.
But you telling the story makes it funny.
I realized that it was weird.
That's why I told the story.
It occurred to me.
Did you want to get ahead of it or you thought it was weird?
Yeah, a little bit of that.
You thought it was going to leak? Yeah. You thought it was? Yeah a little bit of that Yeah, I was gonna eat. Yeah. Hmm. You thought I was gonna leak. I
Don't know you don't want it to I mean it's better if you control the story control the narrative
Yeah, I I'm a hundred percent like that. It's like you go in it. I mean, that's what that's that's eight mile
Yeah, I am when I am a fucking bum. I do live in a trailer with my mom
Yeah, I do take my shirt off at my friend's houses. I do read 1984
Did you finish it? No, I only read my shirt off at my friend's houses. I do read 1984. Did you finish it?
No, I only read five pages, 10 pages.
Did they ever make a movie out of it?
I'm sure they did.
I don't know.
It's probably buns.
It's good though, I'm enjoying it.
Not as much as I'm enjoying the Elon Musk biography though.
What have you learned about Musk?
Elon grew up in South Africa, his dad was a nightmare. Great African American man
on the African American on the, uh, I think it was like Australian survivor. There's a
South African woman on there and she's, she tells a black lady that she's more African
American.
She is your God. Aren't South Africans like traditionally like insanely racist? Yep.
Yeah.
Most racist country on earth, probably.
But you guys have both been there.
Well, that's why.
It was like our-
Wanted to go to the homeland.
It's like how Jewish people do like a birthright.
Yeah.
Or Muslims do a hajj.
And terrorism.
Hajj to ground zero.
He went to, so he grew up in South Africa.
He grew up in South Africa and he, the craziest thing, well, he just decided he wanted to
move to America or I don't know.
Yeah.
He wanted to go to North America. So he went to Canada and got a plane
ticket and went and showed up at his cousin's house, like got to the bus station in Canada
after flying from South Africa and called his cousin and said, I'm here. Come pick me
up. Had not told his cousin that he was coming.
Yeah. It's Eli.
And went and lived with them for a bit. Then he went to college in Canada and then transferred to Penn.
Oh, he went to Penn.
Him and Trump.
A couple of years.
Where'd he go to uni in Canada?
McGill?
I think he went to, bro went to McGill.
Queens?
Pretty sure Queens College.
He went to uni in Queens?
Yeah.
That's good.
Saw some absolute ducks up there.
A bunch of pigeons.
Some skunks came out to the frat parties up at McGill.
Woof them.
Oh, she's pretty good.
I've never heard that.
I just saw too that Donnie and Biz are doing a series.
Oh, yeah, looks good, too.
That's amazing. Hiking series.
I would never have put those two together.
I would.
Just a couple party animals buddy there's no way that you saw biz and the wanton done
imagine the two of them on the they were out of the they were out at the Smoky
Mountains I know and then they were like North Carolina. Oh is it? It's both. Because then I saw them in Tennessee on like a party bus
with like
Everybody on the party bus is like whooping it up towards the camera and then Glenny Balls just has his back to the camera like
Angrily hitting on a girl. Oh, yeah, he's like
He was down there. Mmm
Glenny. Fun. Can't believe yeah. Yeah, really fun. I knew he was down there. Mmm. Glennie. Fun.
Can't believe, yeah, yeah, really fun.
I dig that.
Yeah, totally.
What else about Musk?
Okay.
Bless us with some stats about Musk.
He started a company in college that was like a map company that was going to sort of be,
allow you to see, I want to say like restaurants and places that were on a map, precursor to
Google Maps.
That's cool.
Sold that, I think, for a couple million, maybe, made a couple million from that. Then he got involved in PayPal and that
was with Peter Thiel and this guy Lev Chin and they...
Lev Chin? Is he Jewish or Chinese?
Something Lev Chin. I don't know.
Make your mind up, brother. You don't see many Chinese Jews. Am I lying boys?
I'm sorry. Go ahead.
So he did that and then they ousted him.
They ousted him at PayPal and they did like a coup and the four found,
yeah, four other founders said like, you're out.
And he was pretty devastated, but he didn't make a huge stink about it.
Whereas everywhere else he's been ousted from a few, a few companies and he didn't make a huge stink about it. Whereas everywhere else he's been asked
from a few companies,
and he's always made a huge stink about it.
And there he did not,
and that came back to be incredibly smart
level of restraint from him,
because years later when SpaceX and Tesla
were simultaneously on the verge of bankruptcy,
at the exact same moment, SpaceX's first three rockets,
Falcon 1 had all failed and crashed,
and Tesla couldn't keep down their manufacturing costs
and were having all these crazy supply chain issues.
It was the founders of PayPal, Peter Thiel
and all those guys who came in and gave him the necessary-
Thiel is the bro.
Money to keep him afloat, and gave him the necessary money
to keep him afloat and to finance the fourth rocket,
which I think finally was the one that made it to orbit.
And now we got Trump elected.
Yeah, now he's on top of the world.
Imagine Teal knowing that now.
His first child, his first baby died
of sudden infant death syndrome.
SIDS.
And he was devastated
Absolutely devastated and then they did
He and his wife Justine
Tried again and I think via IVF they did two rounds the first resulted in
Twins and then the second round resulted in triplets
Damn, so his next seed His seed is all over.
Two efforts.
He had five kids out of two pregnancies.
Damn.
That bro cannot quit.
Yeah.
But now he has, I mean, he has so many kids, some of them hate him, some of them love him.
One of them moving to Canada, I think, or Europe.
Bro's going up to Canada, go to McGill.
Doesn't he?
He has like a trans kid.
Yeah.
That's moving to Canada or somewhere out of the country.
Headed to Canada to get some VVM pussy.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Exactly.
Which sounds sick.
Damn, I gotta crack this book.
I gotta peel shirt and crack book.
Then he,
then he,
oh, in college, this is cool.
At Penn, he, I think it was Penn this is cool, at Penn, he,
I think it was Penn, maybe it was at Queens in Canada,
but he saw a way to make money
where they had this off-campus house, he and his buddy,
and they decided to charge a cover at the door.
And they would just have like 500 person ragers
and charge five bucks a person at the door.
Bro invented the frat party.
And their house was disgusting.
Because they didn't really clean it up that much.
They just used it as a shell to throw these house parties in.
Damn.
That's amazing.
Imagine the stimulating conversations that must have gone on there.
He loves to party, but he's not very good at it apparently.
Elon?
How can you be bad at partying?
Autism.
How can you be bad at partying? Autism.
They initially were going to use
Vandenberg Air Force Base or something
as their launch place for SpaceX
but the government contracts got kind of fucked up
so he ended up finding this random island
in the middle of fucking near Fiji
which they used.
But then they had a hard time shipping all the rocket parts out there.
Are autistics bad at partying?
That cannot be true.
I don't think they're great at it.
I'm trying to think of one autistic party legend.
Was Van Wilder autistic?
I don't know.
Was Beler autistic? I don't know. Was Belushi autistic in...
Animal House?
In Animal House?
That would be close.
Are there any autistic absolute fucking party ledgies?
There has to be.
I'm sleeping on somebody.
Eli Mus is very smart.
And a lot of people say, well, he's just been the guy that forced other really smart people to work beyond their comfort zones and create things.
That's not true.
He's in the weeds.
That also sounds pretty smart, bro.
He's slurping on it.
He's a coder.
He can code.
He's fucking.
He's great at Diablo.
Yeah.
It's the best Diablo player I've ever seen.
People just think that he gets other good Diablo players
to play with him, but it's actually he's an operator.
He can play Diablo himself.
He's literally a top Diablo player.
He is the Diablo.
I was rewatching Ratatouille.
Oh, I've heard that's great.
Good movie.
You've heard that's great?
I've never seen Ratatouille.
What?
Hey, guys.
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Oh my god!
I didn't know that was the one to see.
Oh, one of the great films.
I thought you were a francophile.
I am, the Frankest of Files.
You're a Frank who's a francophile.
But somehow you've never seen Ratatouille?
No, je n'avais pas vu.
Je n'avais pas vu. Je n'avais pas vu.
It's so good.
I have not seen it.
The rats, they go on top of the guy's head and they make him do stuff.
Oh, they manipulate him?
They make him a great chef.
How?
By pulling his hair.
Does he know they're up there?
Oh yeah.
So he's letting them dictate.
It's just one.
It's one genius rat who is like a super smeller.
He's a great chef.
He's puppeteering a man.
And the man knows that this is the arrangement.
Well, the man has no cooking skills,
but he's trying to get in and make something of himself.
Do other chefs know that there's a rat up there,
or is he under a hat or something?
They suspect it.
He's under a hat though.
They suspect it.
But the guy who owns this this restaurant,
he's trying to get to the bottom of it, always snatching the hat off, but the rat is always
conveniently eating some cheese. The rat's always one step ahead. This is a brilliant rat
and it doesn't surprise me. I think the rats are in general pretty brilliant.
Played by Patton Oswalt right? He plays the rat? Yeah. Yeah. A bleeding heart liberal rat.
Now, the lib rat.
Rats for Kamala.
What is the moral of Ratatouille?
I don't really think there is one.
I think it's like go out and like break away from your family and do your own thing.
Maybe it could be that, because that's what the rat does.
He escapes to the city.
All the family is like like you need to smell
Food for the rat colony, and he's like nah
But then he brings all of his rat brothers with him and maybe not on purpose though
No on purpose his brother shows up, and he's like oh you owe it to us rats
Yeah, he's like I got a good thing going and then they see all the rat poison in the window
And they go look what they do to us. Yeah all the the window. Yeah, look how they try to keep us down.
What would it take for you to eat rat?
Nothing.
You would do it?
No, I would never do that.
I think if you got hungry enough.
Nope.
You're starving.
You're marooned somewhere.
And someone presents you two plates.
One is rat, one is human.
Human.
Really?
Easily.
You're eating human ahead of you, you're eating rat?
I'm eating rat ahead of human.
That's crazy.
I think if they served rat at Le Bonheur Den,
I would eat it.
Same.
If they serve rat, I mean they serve-
So you're a sheep, bro.
Yeah, no shit, I would eat that too.
Just letting the big companies control your mind.
Le Bonheur Den is not a big company.. This is what Ratatouille is about.
Ratatouille is not a big company.
This is what Ratatouille is about.
You got a little rat on your head.
I have an open mind.
Take me to the most expensive restaurant
to get the smallest portions of food imaginable.
You have, you're more of a sheep
because you like pick the things that are accepted to eat
and you're like, okay, I'll have, I'll eat this small
and I'll eat a chicken, but I won't eat a pigeon. I would eat a pigeon. What's the difference
between a pigeon and a rat? Rats have gross tails. They say that pigeons are the rats of the skies.
They do say that, but I would much rather be the pigeon than eat a rat. What would the rat filet
look like? A rat?
What is the cut of a rat?
You cook it whole and you spin it slowly like a rotisserie.
It's so gross.
You splay it out.
Do you think that Monsanto or fucking Purdue or whatever,
or someone could like pump a bunch of steroids into a rat
and have a fat rat filet?
That like, we could have a chick filet burger
of just rat belly?
Rats are disgusting.
Why?
Because they're gross.
What if they had a fluffy tail?
Would you accept them into your home then?
No.
You can crack the rib cage open and scoop out the guts
and innards and put that into a sausage casing.
Yeah.
It's delicious.
You know that fish are basically rats,
not even remotely close.
Rats of the sea. That's what they say.
No. What's the difference?
Rats have hands.
And fish have fins. What are you talking about? It's the difference? Rats have hands
Fish have fins. What are you talking about? It's the same bone structure. It's not even close to the same evolution They just diverted two roads that verge rats are they're literally they're the size of that water bottle
But you could squish them into like a fucking your hands
See the rat carcass over on the curve coming over? Yes. Yeah, there's a new one.
There's like paint splattered on it too.
It's a fresh one every week in the same exact spot.
Good, kill them all.
Why?
The graffiti's getting pretty crazy over there.
I hate them.
Do you hate pigeons?
No.
Do you hate mice?
They do, they do bother me when they get
in the way of my bike lane though.
And they've been doing that a lot lately.
If a squirrel came into your home,
would you offer them some of your delicious milk?
Probably.
The tree fell in the woods.
Does it even make a sound?
Look, squirrels are not even close to as gross as rats because squirrels don't go in your
house.
They would.
No, they don't.
You don't know my squirrels.
I've had squirrels in a...
When I lived in Maniunk, there were squirrels in the walls.
Maniunk.
We had squirrels in the walls, and we had one had squirrels in the walls and we had one in the attic
and we used a very humane traps, the kind that don't kill the squirrel. Yeah. Yeah. And so we had
it in the trap and we got it out. And I'll tell you what, as soon as we brought this squirrel out
into the daylight, it started ramming its head against the front of the trap, ramming it,
backing up, ramming it. You have to take them 20 miles away or like,
They'll come back.
They'll just come right back.
They recommend you drown them.
Yeah.
And so they fought, they did the same thing.
They had the humane trap and then they took it down
to the Schuylkill River, my friend Mike.
And he literally like, he said the squirrel
made eye contact with him as he drowned it.
Did he take the trap and just gently submerge it
in his own hand?
Which is what Ratatouille's about. like that's how he becomes friends with the rat
The guy who owns the restaurants like kills his rat
And he's like well the rat made the fucking great soup that the critic liked tonight. I can't kill the rat
Yeah, look if there was a rat if there was a rat out there that could cook a great soup
Uh, maybe I wouldn't hate that rat can cook a great soup. I bet they can. Why?
I just don't believe.
Why?
I'm not a believer.
But they're smart.
They're not that smart though.
They're really smart.
That's what everyone says,
but if they were so smart, then why don't they have a house?
Why do they try to live in my house?
Because they don't have to,
cause you pay rent like a sucker.
They're probably like, if humans are so smart,
why do they pay for their house?
Dude, if they think they're so smart,
why are they rummaging around through trash to get food?
I'll tell you what, rats don't live in my house.
Cook your own food.
They don't live in my house.
They don't live in my house either.
Yes, you just said that they do.
No, I said they try to come into my house,
but I have so many traps that they're not able to get in.
I don't think.
They probably are, it's, they're like.
They're there.
They're not.
They're all around.
I promise you they aren't.
They're there. 20 traps in my house.
20.
You got a trap house.
Yeah.
The rats come into your trap and take over your trap.
Yeah.
Imagine I have respect for rats and I, my dog always wants to kill rats and I
always spare the rat.
I spared the rat.
I've spared the squirrel because I respect both of the animals. If I had a dog, I would let it kill all the rat. I spare the rat, I spare the squirrel. Because I respect both of the animals.
If I had a dog, I would let it kill all the rats.
I follow an account called war dogs,
and it's just these terriers in Harlem or something
that they just unleash them on rats,
and all they do is kill rats.
It's probably bad for the dogs.
What's their technique?
Rar!
Grab it by the neck and wrangle it around.
It's so animalistic.
I mean, have you ever seen a dog that just like finds a toy Grab it by the neck and wrangle it around. It's so animalistic.
I mean, have you ever seen a dog that just like finds a toy and rips it apart and then
starts ripping the stuffing out?
Yeah.
Their natural instinct to disembowel.
Yeah.
It's what they do.
And they usually set it to DMX.
I'd love to show you one of the videos if you'll allow me.
I'm okay.
I do not want to see that.
I didn't say you, bro.
I need to. that. I didn't say you bro. I need to war battle dogs war dogs
Oh my god
It's a rat yes
Two of them
They're fighting between it they're pulling on either side of it killing it god, that's really gross. Oh
And these are these are babies these might they must have bread
You have to follow this account war dogs. And that's the food they cook?
They cook the rat?
Yes.
Unbelievable.
All right.
I'm pulling up the spread for this week.
Are we going to make a parlay?
Let's do it.
Are we doing it on your account or mine?
I'll do it on mine.
$100?
Well, we'll see about that.
Okay, I'll do it on mine then.
Alright, Commander's Eagles.
Eagles.
With the points?
No, Eagles money line.
I like Commander's.
Why would you do that, Francis?
Well, they just looked really good. lost and now they're out for blood
And to come back and beat the Eagles will be a statement win. So Eagles money line. Yeah, what's the odds that they what's the odds that
The commanders lose two games in a row Jaden Daniels man
I'm telling you it's rookie quarterbacks lose two games in a row Caleb Williams is going through it right now
Yeah, but Jaden Daniels is good and Caleb Williams isn't well Drake may have lost two games in a row. Caleb Williams is going through it right now. Yeah, but Jayden Daniels is good and Caleb Williams isn't.
Well, Drake May lost two games in a row too, dickhead.
But the Patriots suck and the commanders don't.
Your logic is flawed.
Oh, you can't take emotions into this.
I'm saying you're... I'm talking logic.
I'm just telling you don't take emotions into the par let.
Well, I'm telling you logic doesn't care about your emotions.
All right, we'll go back to Eagles commanders.
Ravens Steelers.
Ravens. Really? God, I will go back to Eagles commanders. Raven Steelers. Ravens.
Really?
I really like the Steelers there.
Okay.
This is becoming too many.
This is becoming too much.
Too many cooks in the kitchen.
We need it.
So, so he's the rat that's on my head, pulling my hair.
Let me work, please.
I'm going to write down whatever I think is going to happen.
Yeah.
See if I'm right.
You should get on DraftKings and make your counterpart.
Actually, we just do three separate ones.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
I'm doing our we're doing the show parlay.
All right.
And Francis is doing the counterculture parlay.
I go commanders, commanders, Eagles.
So let's go Eagles.
Go Eagles with too many too many weapons.
Going money lines. Yeah too many weapons going money lines
Yeah at Eagles to money lunch of the points money line. Okay?
Now we're gonna mix it up. Okay Raven Steelers Ravens
Ravens money line
Why money line because I like it more than minus three Jesus Christ be. Trying to be realistic here, brother. Brown's at Saints. Brown's plus one.
Saints.
That's a tough one. Love me some Saints. What about the points then? Over-under? Brown's defense is pretty good. We could go under.
Saints also, I mean they just fired their coach. They had a bounce back this week.
They scored a lot too. So should we go Saints let's go over over yeah all right Packers
Bears Packers money line no no Packers with the points back you're gonna smoke
the Bears you think Packers minus six point five I mean the money lines minus
285 it's nothing all right we could go money line. I like the line there. So what do you think? I would take
the points. Six and a half? No. Okay, money line. Dude, Jordan Love's not playing great
right now. Sass is such a dick taster, dictator, but I'm cool with it. Colts, Jets.
That's got to be Colts. Joe Flayko.
The Jets are buns.
Jets are buns.
But will they be able to bounce back?
No.
I don't think so.
I think we go Colts plus three.
Looks old.
Colts plus three.
OK.
He doesn't look old.
Jags, Lions.
Minus 13. Jags, Lions, minus 13.
Jags? I'm going Lions.
It's Mack Jones though.
Yeah, Mack Jones had a, I mean,
they were close this past week.
Three turnovers.
Actually, I wouldn't include this game.
I would stay away from this game.
We don't skip.
What about the points?
Over, under?
Yeah.
The total. What do you think?
Let's take the Jags.
Lions have blown out some teams.
They have.
Should we go with a minus 13?
But the Jags kept it close against the Eagles.
They kept it close last week.
I don't know if Lawrence will be back.
Will Lawrence be back?
Against the Vikings too.
Vikings, no.
I don't like minus 13.
Minus 13 is insane.
So say plus 13.
Jags?
Jags.
I mean, that's crazy.
Like this is the best team in the NFL going against one of
the worst teams in the NFL. Plus 13. No, can't do that. Well, what do you want to do then?
Lions money line. The money lines minus 800. I know. Well, what do you want to do then?
Under 48 maybe. I don't like betting the under those, especially on a lion's game.
Okay.
Well, what do you want to do then?
I just go lions.
Money line.
Lions.
Money.
Minus 800.
That doesn't even change the odds.
Oh yeah.
It does a little bit.
Okay.
Rams at Patriots.
Patriots plus five, five point five.
Yeah.
I mean, who's not putting their emotion into it now?
Bro Patriots were plus 6.5 this week and they won.
Over a touchdown.
Yeah, but you're assuming that they're just gonna be hot forever now or what?
In New England?
Alright, alright Patriots plus 5.5.
Trust, trust.
I mean you're telling me not to bet emotionally.
Raiders at Dolphins
Dolphins
minus seven
You think they'll cover seven points? Yeah, Dolphins suck. I think they'll cover seven Dolphins suck, bro in Miami
All right
This might be a dicey week we might go fucking 50% hit right here.
Vikings at Titans.
Over 39.
Copy.
Falcons at Broncos.
Falcons money line.
Really?
Yeah.
Broncos almost beat the Chiefs.
Yeah, Falcons money line.
Yeah, I like that. Seahawks have 49ers.
Niners minus six and a half. I kind of like that. The Niners.
Yeah. I mean, they didn't look good this past week. Christian
McCaffrey is looks old. Yeah. And Seahawks
inter-divisional game. Seahawks could keep it within your call though.
I have plus 6.5 Seahawks. I'm down to ride that. Chiefs at Bills, Bills, Bills Moneyline.
Yeah, go Bills Moneyline. That's what that's going to be the, that's going to be the one though.
Why? Because the Chiefs are going to do this.
No, the Chiefs are going to talk about dark magic.
the Chiefs are gonna do this magic bro you can't say that about my homes Bengals at Chargers Bengals money line disagree with that I don't Justin
Herbert's a dog angles are gonna win out Texans at Cowboys Texans Texans minus seven yep except Stroud as a way of matching his
opponent's skill level okay so a hundred dollars wins two hundred fifty thousand
dollars sweet look at that look it okay so that means that we didn't do the
Thursday yeah we did that's the Eagles what do we pick you said the Eagles money line okay don't love that
so the bets in $100 it would be $250,000 split four with five ways among them
five of us sweet which means of course 200,000 for me No, so it's fifty thousand dollars a pop
$50,000 for the five of us I could live with it. I could use that
We could all use it not thrilled about it. I can live with an autolous, but I'm not eating the fucking taxes
You're eating the taxes. No you boys are all fucking cut kicking kicking back up for taxes
I'll pay you after the taxes come out, which might
be a full calendar year.
Good luck. We'll see you guys next week. Goodbye. Close was over, still, still underground. So I looked older
Till you came around
I was only falling one way
I was only falling one way
Days were drifting I was only falling one way
I was only falling one way
Days were drifting
For was I Now I come alive
I was only falling one way
I was only falling one way
Finished to your eye
Did you realize
No one could take me alive
I was only falling one way
See it just a distant light
Feel fast forever bright Call it just a memory
Take my hand and you can see I'm Let the ground fall Oh, oh, oh, oh Banished to your earth
Did you realize
No one could take me alive