Son of a Boy Dad - Matt McCusker Returns | Son of a Boy Dad #133

Episode Date: September 19, 2023

Matt McCusker Returns | Son of a Boy Dad #133 -- Follow us on our socials: https://linktr.ee/sonofaboydad -- Merch: https://store.barstoolsports.com/collections/son-of-a-boy-dad -- SUBSCRIBE TO THE YOUTUBE #SonOfABoyDad #BarstoolSportsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, Son of a Boy Dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. All righty. Welcome back to Son of a Boy Dad Podcast. Yeah, of course. Trying to get back. We're joined today by Matt McCusker.

Thank you, guys. Probably one of our best performing episodes, I'd say. Dude, that pumps me up. Top dog. That pumps me up. Yeah. Last time you were on it, I called you Matt McCuster, and people were not happy about that.

Dude, that happens to me all the time. Yeah? It's happened to me my whole life. That people call you Matt McCuster? Yeah. Yeah. It's not a bad... I don't...

I think it's fine. It's like, you know... Yeah. Because I can't be all... You know, I mispronounce people's names all the time. Yeah, me too. Actually, it's like... All right, dude.

Yeah. It's not even a real thing. Someone just made that shit up for you you're not gonna get caught up in that bullshit now you're about to be out of here you're about to be uh you're moving texas bound yeah we're moving in like two weeks are you pumped i'm really pumped i don't stuff doesn't affect me until the last possible minute like my wife's been like getting really nervous and i'm like why we're just moving our stuff from here to there. And now it's coming up. I'm like, oh, fuck, dude. This is crazy, dude. We're going to have to move all our fucking shit.

It happens to me every single time I do anything. Yeah. Like, are you getting excited? I'm like, no, I don't feel anything about it. And then like as soon as I see it on my calendar, I'm like, oh, that's less than a week away. And I'm like, fuck. Yeah, that does. That is a lot.

Especially you got to move a whole family. Yeah, move the fam. That's stressful. My kids are so young, though. They won't remember. They have no idea about anything. They won't even remember what Philly is. My three-year-old is like, I'm moving to Texas.

She has no idea how far. They're probably going to have like Southern accents when they grow up. That would be tight. Yeah. That would be pretty tight. A little twang. Yeah, that would be awesome. Pretty cool.

Stoked that a little Delco, Texas mix would be an elite mix. Has anyone done that? That'd be like a black guy with a Japanese accent or something like that. Yeah, that's a powerful mixture. My uncle moved down there in like the 90s and he's, maybe he has it. I'd have to pay more attention to it.

He might have the Texas Delco twang. That would be awesome. I think he shed a lot of his delco accent yeah if you come back with it that might show a weakness in you the texas if you come back with a full-on new accent are you gonna lean into it are you gonna lean into texas like i mean like like start carrying like a 44 on your hip dude i can't i would like to care i just started watching yellowstone so obviously the answer is yes but dude i i carried a gun out of a shooting range and just dropped I forgot I had a gun on me I dropped it like I can't I don't think

I should carry them I love the idea of being strapped up but I don't pay attention to anything enough it's not an absent-minded man's weapon it's not it's I'm like yeah it's not a philosopher's thing to carry around yeah you don't want to be dropping guns it's never a good thing and it was with my wife yeah it was a cop so the whole time i was fighting her like i know how to do this get off she was like putting my elbows in i'm like stop like a t-ball coach dude it was full t-ball coach she was a sharpshooter in the academy she got the sharpshooter badge i'm a sharpshooter are you sharpshooter too yeah dude for real i was like i know i shot guns to my dad like stop grabbing my torso from behind in the gun rage for all these old fucking, like, one-armed men.

Yeah. I was like, let me do this myself. And I was just shooting pretty well. That's a fun thing to do on the road. Go shooting. Shooting, that is kind of fun. I did that in Phoenix with my buddy, Connor Mook. And I had to do that to him.

I had to, like, wrap my arms around him and show him how to shoot a gun. How good did it feel? Great. And every time he would shoot, he would be like, he'd oh like he was like scared of the gun it was like women's yeah yeah getting in a whole shootout like serena williamsing out it's scary i think it's a little bit uh it's a little bit intimidating to have the fucking a weapon life and death in your hands yeah i used to have a gun at my disposal i had one in my when i rented a house when i was younger i was living in west philly and it was like i needed a gun yeah just me and it was like

i could have gotten totally run up on but it was like i'd look at it it would be sitting on my dresser and i'd be like i would be horrified yeah i'd have to keep it in like if i get near the edge of a high place i'm kind of like what if i just chills. I'd have to keep it in like a... If I get near the edge of a high place, I'm kind of like, what if I just jump? Yeah. I'd see a gun and be like, dude, I can fucking shoot myself right now. And I'm like, no.

Like a fit of excitement, you could just shoot yourself. Yeah, one of those things. It's weird, like that compulsion where you're like, I just got to get closer. You see it and be like, dude, I could literally...

Just shoot yourself in the head. Like I could. And just seeing it right there, I'm like, if something hits that and that flies out. Yeah. So yeah, I love love guns in theory i love that people have them i'm just i'm scared of them i'm the only one of my wife's friends boyfriends and husbands that doesn't have a gun i'm the pussy like all of her friends their husbands have guns and i'm the only one that doesn't have a gun these are fucking it's pretty tough to get one in New York, though.

Yeah, that's my excuse. Yeah, it's got to be your excuse. But even if I live in Pennsylvania, my bitch ass still isn't going to have a gun. Yeah, they're tight. They're cool. Exactly. I think they're cool to have. I have guns in my house.

My wife's in charge of them. I don't do any of it. So intruder breaks in your house, she's the one protecting? Or you guys miss her and miss the smithing? I'm first wave. So I'm going down physical barrier. I'm naked, and I'm fighting hand-to-hand. hand yeah and then she comes in with the reinforcements i'm melee yeah i'm hand to hand melee she comes down once you're already in the choke hold and the dude's

got the gun to your head and she has to take out the sharpshooter if you get held hostage she could just pick them off she can time crisis that would be awesome yeah that's that's my plan i was like i'll rush yeah you get the gat I'll let you get to the safe. I'll fucking, I'll physically subdue the intruder. I do get what you're saying about the, like, even when I was at the range, I was, the whole time, I was like, if I just turned around with this gun, the range guy would just blast me to shreds. Suicide by range.

He would pick me apart. He would fill me with holes. I used to walk to shooting ranges and just like, you know, I'd go there with my dad and I was like, yeah, this is chill. Yeah. Then I was talking to my friend. He's like, yeah, but it's weird because like if one guy freaks out, he can shoot up the whole range. Ever since I'm always in there now. Yeah.

Are you psychos? And there has to be. I mean, that's got to be a little bit of the fantasy of the guys that work the range and everybody else in there. Like, I wish somebody would try and fuck around. Yeah. everyone's picturing like the chris kyle fucking right some dude's gonna charge the range that's even bonus points if it was like chris kyle was there you got to be like no you sniped for the american yeah you get to kill you get in a duel with chris kyle well you get to save the hero saving oh you're talking about spy versus spy with Kyle? Yeah. That's dangerous. I'd like to go shot for shot

with Chris Kyle. You think you could? That'd be tight. Two miles? Easily. Two miles away? You don't have steady enough Two miles or behind the barrel.

Fucking like... I got three shots left. Well, that's the funny thing is I was like, I was like real serious about getting a gun. I go through like fits and bursts of it or whatever.

Yeah. So I was like telling my brother like, I'm going to'm gonna get a gun i'm gonna get like a 21 clip chamber my brother's like banana clip oh yeah something crazy i wanted to hold like 12 shots the drum but he was like dude you need all you need is a six shot yeah it's like if you were to theoretically get in a shootout everyone thinks it's like a movie like i need like multiple bullets yeah you'd fire like one shot and the guy and then everyone would just run away yeah it's like a movie. Like, I need like multiple bullets. You'd fire like one shot and then everyone would just run away. Yeah, definitely. Boom, boom, boom.

Yeah. Boom, boom, boom. You're just like, oh, fuck. Shoot into the sky and the guy runs away. Yeah, it is a fucking... Counting how many bullets you have left in the mag. Yeah. Or how many the other guy has.

Reloading. He only has two more shots left. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's out, right right Was that six or seven Was that a Mossberg In Texas though You're gonna have to That's the fucking

Get the gun It's gonna be Have to be part of your lifestyle I have a shotgun Actually I have a shotgun I do have a gun I forgot I had a shotgun That's a weird one to forget

It sits in my basement It sits in my basement. It sits in my basement. Really? My dad, my father gave it to me. Yeah. Pennsylvania father can give his son a shotgun, no paperwork. Really? Any age.

Clean, yeah. Here's your shotgun. I'd assume any age. Dude, my grandfather had like so many guns growing up. And I remember one day I came, my grandparents used to live on Cape Cod. And I remember one day we went over to their house and my grandma was like cleaning the house and she just found like a Colt 45. Not theirs.

Just in a chest wrapped in a towel. What? And she was like, yeah, it's just right here. I don't know how it got there. They just had so many guns that they would just like find them around the house. That's awesome. Yeah. Stash a boy's murder weapon?

Probably. That's what I'm assuming happened. And then one day they just brought them all to the police station. Just dumped them off. Yeah. Really? Yeah. When did they start putting then one day they just brought them all to the police station, just dumped them off. Yeah. Really? Yeah. When did they start putting serial numbers?

I should have sold them to criminals. I know. I know. Already a body on this one. We got a hundred year old body on this gun. This six shooter. It's got the deputy on it, dude. Just an old fucking, I mean, the, the, having, being able to shoot multiple bullets at a time is that is

truly revolutionary like uh instead of just two at a time having a slow load of gun the gun was probably there from your grandfather in case if your grandmother found his porn it's finding dead old man's porn is fucking weird oh definitely like a pin Like a pinup? Yeah, you find it doing demolition. You go clean out a house and you find old men's porn. Yeah, dude, they have... Dudes would hide it in the fucking walls. That's crazy. They would beat off to a picture and be like,

no more, and put it in a wall and plaster over it. Dude, I found porn in walls multiple times. Like old pictures of fucking girls being like, let's have some fun with fellas damn in their bras and you go through a sequence of photos and at the end they're like laying in a bed with a dude and you bust you're like that's crazy men have always had to stay one step ahead of the the women folk with the porn like with a whitehouse.com or something like that like that was just a guy trying to uh stay a ahead of the wife. Just plausible deniability.

He's just trying to search and find out who the president du jour is. You don't know that he's looking up porn. You know, Whitehouse.com was like an old porn site. I didn't know that. No, you didn't? No. Whitehouse.com was like my first porn site that I ever went to. So you'd be in there.

It would be coming up on your history and be like, I love civics. Yeah. Whitehouse.com. Studying the government. Whitehouse.com just had fake titty girls with like pearl necklaces still still images that's and i'll be at like the library in like 95 fucking going to whitehouse.com my wife asked me point blank about the road yesterday she goes i just got back from salt lake she's like did you did you beat off

i said i beat off a bunch yeah that's the first thing i do when i get off again i just watched yellowstone so i was like beat off a bunch. Yeah, that's the first thing I do when I get on the road. Again, I just watched Yellowstone, so I was like, beat off a bunch. Can't lie, man. She asked me, she was like, what'd you beat off to? And I had to tell her, I was like, women wearing vibrating panties in public. Dude, she was just like, what? I was like, believe it or not, that's the best case scenario with that question, lady. That's actually very tame, man. You caught me on a good day, man.

That's actually very muted for my taste dude i logged on it's kind of nice give it a try i logged on to porn hub and i was in virginia this weekend and you gotta fucking log in yeah salt lake i didn't like that at all verified yeah like type in your account yeah yeah he was trying to make me sign into porn hub i don't have a fucking sign in on Pornhub. You just like submitted an ID in Louisiana. That's crazy. Yeah, it's strict law down there.

It's good. It's for the best. It almost stopped me in Salt Lake. It almost stopped me from it. And I was like, what are those? Oh, it stopped me. I just went straight to Reddit. I was like, fuck that.

See, I've never fucked with Reddit. Reddit's where you got to be. No, because I don't understand. It's like people have fake Reddits for that specifically. No, I just have my real Reddit. But also, I'm not commenting. True. I was on Reddit so much that I was like, my thing's going to come up for this.

I just never looked into it. I'm like, this is going to get connected back to me really easily. Unless you're a dude who's commenting on porn being like, great fucking tits. True. You're probably good you don't need to make a burner for that and you were getting an idea on this girl yeah luckily i never did that i never did the reddit but that is i think i'm back off i think i think i'm back yeah doesn't sound like you are dude sounds like here because last time we talked to you you were

i was cleaned i did nine months and then i had what happened was I go, maybe this is over doing it. I got to know. Maybe I can do like a – and I have done a pretty tame nog life now where it's like, except when I go on the damn road. Dude. Except when I go on the – the temptation of the road is too strong. Dude, my move used to be I would walk into the hotel. I would go over to the bathroom and I would take that like metal case off the tissue paper and then I would just bring it and put it right.

I wasn't even going to jerk off. I was like, I know. Yeah. I was like, I'm just going to throw that there. Yeah. Yeah. I do housekeeping ladies. They probably know.

They probably have your name on a watch list. Yeah. I use I just use the towels. And then by the end of my stay, it's like a complete it's like a rock. a fossil rock yeah yeah i was like there's cleaning ladies stepping on that thing like a nail yeah like legos punctures and fucking new balances are you reusing the same one or you're going to uh you're so you're not just going so you're being judicious and and taking care of the environment i am you're not going to just waste water or whatever. No, right on that thing.

I just use it the whole time and then I just fucking, I try to remember to like roll it up in another towel. So that way they don't get crushed. I clean up all my shit before I leave. Yeah, like your tissues. Tissues are always been so nasty.

They're gross, yeah. I throw them all, I'll throw them all in like an empty like Fritos bag. Burn it? I might start burning cum tissues at the end of my face i'm in a small fire no dude that's a nasty controlled fire in the bathtub of the hilton coming into a tissue feels like too it's almost too erotic for me yeah it's so soft it's medical play you may as well have surgical gloves on while you're jerking off

so you uh what did you say it was women with vibrating panties and on in public yeah just like a lady sitting like samaro just like oh dude there was a that's it's all i need i'm done the door guy at the bouncer the door guy at the stand told me that they found a box for one of those in the bathroom. Really? Yeah. So someone during a show was just coming. Really? Yeah. I told my wife. She was laughing at me.

I'm like, don't laugh. I'm buying them for you. You'll be where I'm going to have to fucking... Got her a self-filming headset like that biker's hat. Yeah. Just let her fucking walk around filming herself at fucking samara i'll film i'll hold the phone but now she wouldn't do that but there are a lot of a lot of folks just filming themselves

throwing it on the internet oh yeah yeah you'd expect to see some of them in the wild at some point but i've never caught one probably will one day i mean that was the weirdest thing about starting working here you're sitting doing the yak and then all of a sudden a porn star that you've masturbated to a hundred times just walks down the hallway. Yeah. And you're like, whoa, I didn't expect to see that today. True. When you're jerking off, you're never expecting to ever see that person in real life. That's the best case scenario.

Yeah. And now here it's you see them once a day. You just see it's like. But then you get the go back home. Now you've seen them in real life. You have the go back home now you've seen them in real life you have to go back home yeah yeah oh yeah yeah it's weird when they show up i know her except like half of them show up with like a babysitter and their child and they wait in the lobby and you're like that's not cool that's not cool at all or like their handler yeah they're

pimps their i IQ is on display. Like you're realizing that they're just being sexual trafficked. Oh, yeah. Yeah, true. That's the thorn in the porn for me to go. This isn't good. Yeah, or when you find out that like Mia Khalifa made like $500 over like 17 years of porn. Did she really?

Didn't she make like $10,000? No, but now she has to be making like $40 million a week. Yeah, but I think she made like a shockingly low amount of porn. Did she really? Didn't she make like $10,000? No, but now she has to be making like $40 million a week. She's probably rich now. Yeah. But I think she made like a shockingly low amount of money. We had OnlyFans. Damn. For how long? Five years? Who was paying her bills in the meantime? She's worth five

mil now. Yeah. She's balling out now. She has to have just been a high end. There has to have been some high end prostituting in that. You think? I mean, she did. We talked about this. She fucked that one dude.

Did you see that video when she fucked a fan? A fan? No. She fucked a fan. She fucked a fan. Really? It's one of the most uncomfortable. It's like no one watched it and jerked off.

People watched it and like howled laughing. What? Why? Dude, because the guy's just sitting there in bed just like Because he's a virgin. What a beast. And he's just in like coffin position and he's fully soft. You went from virgin to like famous porn star?

Yeah, he's like fully soft and she's like stuffing his soft dick inside of her. It's weird. It's hilarious though. Was his face blurred? No, his face is fully in it. There was a sex doll? What was her reaction?

Did she give him a show? She was uncomfortable. Wait, what is this called exactly? She was laughing. Yeah, it's weird. Oh, yeah, he started by fucking a sex doll, I think. Wait, oh, no. He probably is dead.

I'd be shocked if he was alive still that's that's the problem with the pornhill dude it's like you can use porn it's fine but if you fall into a pornhill you're done he fell into a pornhill you go through the looking glass and it's bad you go into that was before pov was a thing if he was pov if pov was still a thing he'd probably be fine true that was back when you'd have multiple angles. But that's the collective porn hole. Everyone's like, enough of it. I need to see the nerd.

I need to see the guy. You rarely see a dude's ass in porn anymore. True. You really don't, actually. Yeah, yeah. Because bad porn angles, it was enough. The worst porn angle is down the chute. Where you're just getting all of the guy's ass in the back of his ball sack.

The back of his dick. Yeah, the goose. The tethered part of his ball sack where it, like, comes to a triangle. You don't see that. You really don't. Underneath his fucking nuts. Who's down there shooting that? We've successfully gotten away from that.

I'm just down the... That would be fun that would be a fun campaign where it's pointed it's like there's just a cut to like the guy's asshole

cause it's nasty I get extreme close up I'm gonna be like what am I beating off to a guy's asshole we saw Kanye's ass in the canal we saw Kanye's whole ass

as uh it looked like John Lennon's ass where he got he got blown in the canal you get to see his whole ass in it? You see his ass in it, yeah.

I just saw the stuff in the news where it was just like, yeah, you see his full ass. Just so Matt can enjoy this. Just his ass cheek of him just getting sucked off in the canal. Yeah, I just saw his plumber's crack. Dude, he got banned from Italy for that. That's bullshit. He's the only guy who got his dick sucked on a boat in Italy. Yeah, like,

you don't think that these handsy Italian guys are getting blown on a boat? They're all getting blown on a boat. He probably saw a lot of people doing it. He was like, oh, what is that?

Yeah. Can you see it? There's the flap. That's just his ass crack. I thought I saw a different... Is that what those... Is that what those coattails on a suit

are for? Yeah, the flaps and, like, the tuxedo with tails are for guys with really long the penguin suit the guys with just massively long cracks but i thought that that was a perfect oh so he had like a super long butt crack i thought he did maybe i'm just being judgmental that is like a very old school rapper move though not even old school maybe just like 10 years ago used to be rappers were just getting sucked off like on video like constantly yeah who are you asking the slump god remember his first music video was on porn hub really yeah it's just him it's his

body just getting fucked and then he's just sitting there rapping really that's kind of cool that's kind of hardcore yeah but kodak black used to always just be naked on instagram live i guess not old school it's more like five years ago it's freak bowl yeah freak bowl freak bowls were out there it's heavy freak bowl yeah it is a wild move to just be getting sucked off and being like the world needs to see this let me hop on ig live real quick yeah instantly there's just 60 000 people watching did you see uh that is pretty tight did you see who was the guy oh man it was it was the baby yeah baby had baby mama drama with that lady from um where was it the dominican republic and she wouldn't leave his house yeah but then like her his he was like that's not my girl and then she did the data dump of like

check out our instagrams like the baby was doing like instagram a lot or they're doing like instagram stories of them like making out in bed yeah it's like a cool thing to do of like but he also like just snuggling in bed with your girlfriend and making out on this thing like she was like what about this what about this what about this and he was just like simping so but he has sex tapes too though he had he i think it was the same type of thing he was like fucking on instagram live yeah because he had a beautiful penis yeah when his dick pics got leaked that was a wild day it was a hammer beauty really like a like an elk like a fucking forearm like a totem pole but then so then you put that out on ig live and it's like you kind of let the hose know what's up yeah exactly

because it's got to drive the hoes crazy. They're on IG Live. And they just see a hammer. Drop the hammer on IG Live. Yeah. It revolutionizes the dick pic. It's like don't do a dick pic. No.

Put out like a minor leaked sex tape on your story and let other people disseminate it. Dude, I feel like you're one of the most honest dudes that I know. Thank you. The fact that your wife asked you what porno you were watching, you're like, I have to say exactly what. Had to tell her. There was no lying involved. I feel like there's pretty much,

I can't think of what you'd be lying about. If you're going to be honest about that, are there any things that you fib about? Any things that you're a little bit untruthful about? I'll fib. If I get caught in the heat of the moment, I'll fib. But then usually the fib will kind of like... Work its way out? It'll work its way and I'll be like, yeah, I gotta

tell you. It feels so much better when you're like, yeah, I'll be honest. And they, you know. But it's like, do men have secrets? Of course, dude. Of course. Every man dies or something. Some guys are burying the porno in the walls. Yeah, every man is going to die or something. Burying the porno in the walls, you gotta, in that moment you're probably like, no one will ever find this.

Oh, yeah, dude. Ever. This will outlive society. You think that's what cave drawings were? Like, dude's like, there was like a drywall in front of them. They like papered over the wall of the cave just so they could beat off.

Just an eagle head guy with a huge dick and you're like, that was fucking weird. I should have drawn that. That level of guilt. A guy with a snake for a penis wrapping around a fucking eagle lady. I think some of the early cave drawings were just like,

I think big bellied women with, I think big bellies had to have been a thing at the time. Probably. Also, dudes were radically stoked on dongs back then yeah because you were like this is the defined this is like the divine rod yeah this is life itself yeah you were just like fuck yeah then they moved into kind of like female worship which was like yeah actually the fact they give birth is tight too i wonder if it was more like art that you would see in a uh in like uh like an art museum or something like that of just

like a woman getting painted naked that was like considered high art or if it was like a jerk off theater like that peewee herman went to like people were showing up beating off to the cave drawing and getting out of dodge i think back then it was like a guy was like showing you drawings and being like this is how everything works he was like you shoot jizz that makes babies and dudes are like what because that wasn't obvious to people yeah honestly like you didn't have a sex ed book no i'm assuming even after people were getting pregnant they were probably like i don't know how that happened dude there was they used to think that there were some societies where they thought that like different dudes would fuck chicks and then they thought like the baby was like a combination of all those dudes yes and it took a while for them to slowly be like wait a second this looks this is this guy's yeah yeah

change a lot of stuff dude when i was uh in africa there were uh the lions will kill the baby lions unless it's their kid and so there were these two female lions and one of them was pregnant and she was just fucking other male lions for like just so they all thought that the babies were going to be hers. So they wouldn't kill the baby or their baby rather. So they didn't kill the babies like she would have sex with all the lions, even though she was already pregnant, just to protect the babies. Because the all the lions would think that they were the dad of the of the baby lions. The lions are like, let me smash her. I'll kill the baby.

It is a wild thing to do or that the the women is crazy and smart enough being like i need to get this lion pussy out there yeah protect the young it is that is insane that they're smart enough to do that yeah we're like a lot of humans aren't smart enough to do that let me get this pussy out there yeah yeah well they're they gotta keep that pussy in there because then it's like yeah yeah dude now with like 23 and me and all this shit, you can't fuck around. No. Finally, girls have to be honest, dude.

You can't fuck around. Until Jerry Springer, like, they couldn't fuck around. Until, like, the Maury show. Yeah. And even then, they got a little leeway. They could, you know, put on a good performance. But now it's like, dude, you get 23andMe, you're fucked. Yeah.

And it won't come until they're, like, in high school. school yeah i just watched that uh mayor of east town you guys watch that yeah yeah yeah when they get the whole when they start doing the dna testing i forget exactly what what happened i don't want to spoil it but they find out that somebody is someone else's baby yeah it's not the kid's baby dude i just watched the movie uh chevalier and it was about a french dude in the 1700s and uh he like banged some guy's wife and the baby comes out but he was like a black uh maestro he conducted the orchestra baby came out black and they fucking they killed it they like just killed it right away yeah really brutal yeah that was the only way that you could find out i guess back then as if a chevalier the best... As if a Chevalier fucks your wifey. What was a Chevalier?

He was like the best fencer, like a best composer, best violinist. And so it was like a knight. It was like a title or something like that. He was just like the greatest of all time. And then smashed someone's wifey and then... Kid came out. That's all she wrote, dude. Yeah, and and they killed the kid it was tough they know they knew it was him yeah yeah because it was like the uh it was like the woman who sang in his opera it was like his like muse and then

they found out smashing opera singers top of the mountain yeah you think for sure why because they're like moaning all fucking. Yeah. And at the time, it's not over until the fat lady sings. And the fat lady was like, this is the French Revolution. So they were all starving. So being fat is like you have prosperity. You're top dog if you're fat back then. It was good to be fat.

If you're the fat lady opera singer. Yeah. Just a fat, smelly lady. Yeah. Fat tits. lady yeah fat tits huge fat operatives they all do have big ass tits but i don't even think it's like you don't even think tits they just have big chests true yeah because they were that was like their instagram killed they should do that back in the day they would take like the hottest chick in the village and be like all right sing for everybody yeah that's the prima donna that's what a prima donna is really yeah it's like it was in italy they would take the hottest like you know they're gross but 16 year old yeah of the of the

village and be like sing about they probably still do that in italy i think that now they just grab their ass and make them blow them on the boat well dude that's what fucking like britney spears pretty much was britney spears was like a prima donna. Yeah. Yeah, she was. They started taking young underage girls and being like, no, they're just singing. Yeah. And then you realize she can't really sing.

Her voice kind of sucks. Britney? Y'all bad, bad, bad. That's not good singing. That song was great. It wasn't the best, yeah. That's not beautiful singing. Put it that way.

Put it this way. There was definitely something else in the mix with her rise to fame and glory. Oh, yeah. It's not like beautiful singing. Put it that way. Or put it this way. There was definitely something else in the mix with her rise to fame and glory. Oh, yeah. Well, everyone was like, wow. It was because she was hot as hell in that music video. It's because she was a hot underage girl. How old was she in that music video? She was like 17, 16. Really? 16, yeah. 16 years old.

Take that back. I was in the clear back then. I was also 16. I was like fucking five. You were not even born. you were in utero i remember i used to sing that song on singstar 2 on playstation 2 and i used to be like something felt weird about me singing it but i didn't know what it was i was like very attracted to the video and then also i was like five years old and i was like oh baby baby and i was like this feels weird but i never know i can never figure out what

felt weird about it. It's like what the song is about you never have really no one's dissected that no one went on Genius and broke down the lyrics true yeah you're probably just creating too much sexual tension in the house it was a very sexual like act your dad was probably like I know that song

he was like fuck dude stop this is a season on the brink right now. It was super strange. I mean, I'm not going to talk shit on your dad. I'm saying he might have copped a beat in the video. He might have copped an illegal beat to the video. He was like, dude, is this my karmic fucking punishment now? My fucking sons.

My young boy. I know what you did, father. No, your dad definitely was young enough that he could have experienced Britney Spears when she was of age and thought that she was a hottie. You think? I think so. Because even by like 2001,

when she was like in Toxic and shit like that, she was of age. True. And then he could still enjoy that. True. Your dad would have not. Yeah, he would have found out. Toxic is when Britney would have hit his radar.

Yeah. I'm saying theoretically. I'm not saying. Although, to be fair, how old is your dad? 50 something. Dude, so here's the thing, too. Back in the, even in the early 90s, that jailbait shit was at a totally appropriate job.

Oh, yeah. Dude, the first episode of Californication, David Duchovny has sex with a 16-year-old girl. Yeah. And is like, oh, shit. Dude, if you watch that first episode, he sex with like his boss's daughter yeah and he's like oh what a wild night he just rapes a minor I mean dude that's like everything even like in dazed and confused fucking uh Matthew McConaughey I stay I keep getting older they stay the same age and he's

just like 40 years old he's hanging out with like 15 year olds at a bar yeah dude in old school doesn't that happen too in like the movie old school Luke Wilson like fucks his boss's daughter and she's like I'm in a relationship it was like a funny it was hilarious it was like oh shit

it was like an integral part of any comedy in Animal House doesn't that happen too like I'm pretty pretty sure like that literally a girl is like a 16 year old like they like have sex with her at a frat party and then bring her back in like a shopping cart because she's passed out like ding dong or like father's house it's crazy leave her there that's there's a whole snl sketch uh about um hermione because it's like it's like the top snl sketch on YouTube and it's there talking about how the joke is like in the last Harry Potter

Hermione's this young innocent girl and then the next one she has massive tits. But she's like 14 in the movie and then the girl, who's the girl that plays her in the sketch? They're dropping her off in a... Yeah. That's nasty.

Emma Watson. Yeah, and Emma Watson in the sketch is like 16. Really? Oh, Lindsay Lohan plays it. Lindsay Lohan plays it? Yeah. And she's underage in that sketch too. In the sketch.

Yeah. Yeah, that's insane. It's Hollywood, dude. It's Hollywood. Yeah. It really is. They're making a joke about a girl with underage... Yeah.

With an underage girl. With an underage girl. Yeah. The whole joke is that she a girl with underage Yeah With an underage girl The whole joke is that she's hot and underage So they made this when Lindsay Lohan was 16 Yeah it's old I think it was like who was on it It was like Jason Sudeikis was on it then Jesus Christ

Yeah Everybody thinks Billy and Spud are crazy And then you see that Hollyweird chick going on It's like yeah they might be on it is a funny sketch though we'll say that it is a funny yeah well it is it's just funny because that was that was the thing everyone was steeped in and now it's like everyone's just getting slight all those dudes must be shitting themselves oh yeah like Jonah Hill got crushed he got crushed for just being like kind of a pussy and he was just being like

hey I don't he was just like I don't like it when you talk to other guys like obviously dude none of us like that don't put that in a text dude he just said it in a really lame way

yeah like I need boundaries around you surfing with hot guys that shit should be that's like revenge porn for men like you putting out

a guy's worst moments in a fight or like a text message or something like that yeah like I've definitely been in a fight with my wife and be like i'm a human too i'm a person too but imagine you're leaking that yeah to everybody but then he got then there was like a 16 year old

like he tried to kiss me oh really when he was doing fucking like super bad or whatever yeah so he got but he got slammed on that. But dude, even there was an episode of punked with him. And I think Justin long, I don't want to, I think that was a guy's name where the whole thing was that they were in a steakhouse with like women who weren't old enough to drink.

Yeah. And like, that was like part of the plot of like, we're going to punk him and say like, where are their IDs? And everyone's like, ha ha ha. It was like,

that was totally funny. Ashton Kutcher was like, this is their IDs? And everyone's like, ha, ha, ha. It was like, that was totally funny. Ashton Kutcher was like, this is so funny. Now, maybe they were 18. I don't know. Yeah. And Ashton Kutcher has his own shit, dude. He definitely has some other shit going on. Does he?

He wrote the letters for Danny Masterson. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They wrote the letters. And then one of Danny Masterson's victims was like, Ashton, Mila, I know. I know what you guys went through I know what you did, like there was definitely some kind of suggestion that he had some skeletons in his closet yeah, cause how old was Mila Kunis

during that 70s show, she was like 13 she was like 14, she was like on a thing being like, you guys kept joking about when I was gonna sit on your lap or which one of you I was gonna kiss first and Ashton was like like no i didn't yeah yeah but again it's like i mean obviously that's you hear that now like that's terrible back then it was like they're 18 year olds making a ton of money on tv yeah like and mila kun is sorry to say it she was hot she was objectively hot

again we were the same age we were the same exactly i'm i was totally locked in i'm going into childhood consciousness i'm really like that chick's hot as fuck yeah but meanwhile dude i thought that a girl who was it's not right but we did not know now we know i thought a girl who was one year younger than me in high school was like super young oh yeah a girl who was like the class below me yeah so i thought she's young as fuck yeah in hollywood you're like 12 years younger and it's like pretty close age. Yeah. Dude, I didn't know. And when I was in high school, I remember like, I didn't, I thought you had to date

someone in your same grade. Oh yeah. I just thought it was weird otherwise. And then like I saw, I would talk to seniors when I was a sophomore, like, yo, we date freshmen. And I was just like, what? Yeah. They're like, yeah, dude, it's so easy to get freshman chicks when you're a senior.

And I was just like, this is not. And I would, I started watching. It was like seniors would swoop down to sophomore freshmen you were just like this is wrong bullshit what you're doing is wrong here there was always like i was like i'm just gonna wait and do that when i was senior that was my head but as a freshman you're like i just had to give it up they're stealing our women they were they had to just give it up they're stealing our best and brightest i'm but a boy i was but a boy i was just like i have no all i can do is watch and admire and take freshmen are really young freshmen high school they're like children well now even like i see high schoolers now and they look like just

yeah children dude i went when i was i don't think i told you about this when i went to den when i was in denver we went to a bar one night and uh my buddy lit he's going to du he goes to denver and um when he lives next to this bar. And we went to that bar and we got bored. We went and got food and we went to another bar. We went to this other bar and it's like, it's really, yeah. Good story so far, yeah. But we go into this other bar.

What did you do before this? We go into this other bar. Have you guys ever seen the episode of Always Sunny? I do the same thing. I tell stories. And then I do this. And then I'm like, wait, what the fuck? I do it all the time.

I got bored as fuck. So we go to this other bar. And we get in. And it's empty. It's like 830. And there's no one really in there. There's one dude in there. And maybe a group of people. And they say hi to us whatever i know this is going somewhere

dude i'm positive this is going somewhere eventually at like around 10 the bar is packed like completely packed and and i start looking around and i'm like dude every single person in here is like 16 years old oh shit yeah and then we look around more and i'm like dude every single person in here is like 16 years old oh shit yeah and then we look around more and i'm like dude i think the bouncer that let us in is like 18 and then and then some dude comes up to me and he's like oh you're from barstool and i'm like yeah i'm like how old are you guys he's like oh dude we're all freshmen like we all just moved here and they're all like 17 18 and i was like yeah we got to get the fuck out of here now yeah it was super when you're the old man in the situation making like responsible yeah you're the elders it was hilarious though i was crying laughing this has to be one of your first

times being the elder i was about to say yeah that was the first time it felt very weird it also made me feel uh uncomfortable because i was just like damn these kids all suck so much yeah and that was me like 40 years ago and i was like they suck yeah i wanted to fight all of them because they're all like yeah that's that now you suck i know i know i did suck it made me feel like i said that's your shadow side yeah you're saying i want to beat these youngsters yeah there was one kid in there who had like uh their treasures yeah there was one kid in there who was like definitely the cool guy of the crew yeah and it was karaoke night and he has like a he's got a wife beater on with a black uh like denim jacket and black jeans and he's doing karaoke on a wireless mic and he's

walking up to girls like singing in their faces oh he's really and i was like i want to fucking kill this guy oh he was the man yeah but he was the man did you uh did you hit a karaoke to try and like upstate no my friend bo was like i'm gonna do karaoke and i was like you're absolutely not doing that i was like you're not going up and doing karaoke and singing like a bob dylan song while all these like hot children are here listen to olivia rodrigo you go up grab the mic, spin it in your hand like a drumstick. Watch this shit. Fly me to the moon. These kids are going to love this. My dad knows this song.

Yeah, getting your first taste of being aged out of a social scenario feels weird. It was really uncomfortable. Yeah, it's harrowing. Yeah, because it just removes the chance that, or when you're young all of everything is a possibility yeah now you're like too old for the for this you can't have these beautiful freshman ladies anymore now it's also the first year that all of my friends are like

supposed to be out of college oh yeah so i'm like we have no reason to be here yeah you're just looking yeah yeah yeah i lived i i kicked around a college town for very long so i got to experience that for just like years and years and years yeah it's like i would be i'll be like buzzing around i'm like who are all these dressed up excited people i'm like oh jesus christ there's a new class school starting and you just watch and you go like yeah have fun guys have fun and it is uh like as soon as you go back to a college if you're one year out or if it's like been 12 years since you've been there, like you're going to be like, these girls are dressed fucking crazy. What the fuck are these girls wearing? Yeah, true.

This is preposterous. It's got to break though. It's got to break at some point. Yeah, I don't think it can get like to a different level. I think it's just you haven't been in that environment. Unless you start wearing like body paint or some shit to a bar. Yeah, like tape. A lot of the girls are going like old lady jeans now. you haven't been in that environment. Unless you start wearing like body paint or some shit to a bar. Yeah, like tape.

A lot of the girls are going like old lady jeans now, super baggy. But then like, yeah, I talk about people not wearing bras every fucking podcast. I'm not going to talk about it. You did talk about it last time you were on the podcast. I was like, can you see their nipples? You said it was like a flash grenade. I'm still not over it. Clearly. That's thank God for the winter time. You said it was like a flash grenade? I'm still not over it.

Yeah. Clearly. It is. That's thank God for the winter time. I wouldn't wear a bra if I was a girl. True.

I probably should wear a bra now and I don't wear a bra. True that. That's the thing too. That's the thing. I get it. It is weird that dudes can have their shirts off

and girls can't but also it's not because it's like a showstopper, dude. It's protecting us. True. It's not protecting it's like a showstopper, dude. It's protecting us. It's not protecting them. It truly is protecting us. We would turn into like chimpanzees.

I bet it feels good as hell taking a brawl. It'd be pigs to the mother pig. They'd get litter of guys like... It'll be a saggy generation down the line. Definitely. Gonna be a lot of sag. Overwhelming amount of sag. I mean, they're headed that way anyway. We need to strike.

Sag needs to strike. It's hitting. Sag action. The true sag. We're striking against sag. Breaking the picket line of scab. Oh, I'd break the picket line. Oh, totally.

I would absolutely break the picket line. Let them sag. Hey, guys. Let's take a second and talk about Factor. With the busy fall season ahead, and in fact, it's already in swing, you might be looking for wholesome, convenient meals that are jam-packed with flavor for your jam-packed days. Factor, America's number one ready-to-eat meal kit can help you fuel up fast with chef-prepared, dietician-approved, ready-to-eat meals delivered straight to your door.

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i use game time i use it all the time i'm actually going to go to i don't really know what i'm going to go to went to the bills last week i'm going to go to a paramore concert oh that'll be fun what's that some game time uh like november i think that'll be fun yeah definitely use the game time app for that to get the best deals and the lowest prices and just get those tickets and you will not have to worry about everything anything else because it is a seamless process the purchase process takes just two taps in 10 seconds and once you buy your tickets they're delivered directly to Hey guys, let's talk about Groove Life. This podcast is sponsored by Groove Life. This podcast is sponsored by Groove Life. It's 2023. Are you still using the same belt from 2003? Better not be. You

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but you have to use our link, groovlife.com slash sun, 20% off your order. One last time, groovlife.com slash sun, 20% off your order. One last time, groovlife.com slash sun, 20% off your order. Let's get back to the show. Bill Maher's coming back. Yeah? Yeah, he's breaking the picket line. Someone else did that too, or like Drew Barrymore.

Really? I think broke the picket line. Drew Barrymore. She was like, we have too many people that rely on this show, too many people's families. Well, that was the thing too. Bill Maher's like, dude, I'm basically doing a a talk show all these talk show guys can do podcasts on youtube yeah i'm just gonna do my talk show on hbo yeah it's like and i won't have any written monologue stuff and everyone's like you fucking piece of shit yeah it's like i get it but he's like well should i let

all these other people lose their livelihoods or you know it's like, it's a tough, it affects a lot of people for sure. It affects a lot of people. And I do think the reality of it is the unions will be busted. But the good news is I think they won't really be needed as much because I think people will start paying better. You think? Maybe. Or we'll just have to compete with like people from other countries.

Yeah. We'll all just make like $12. Saudi Arabia. Yeah. I don't know. It'll all even out. I think that's fair too. Well, because then it's tough because then you can get edged out by just free content on YouTube. So million. Saudi Arabia. Yeah. I don't know. It'll all even out. I think that's fair too. Well, because then it's tough because then you can get edged out by just free content

on YouTube. So they're already struggling. Yeah. Networks are struggling. So. We've had a good run of like if all the nations like all kind of balance out, like it's probably fair. And like we've had an extraordinary run of being the richest and the most powerful for

a long time. I think that that wouldn't be that, you know, you could understand getting those comeuppance yeah true but then it's like yeah but we don't know what what falls in the i think the quality of life dips so oh it would suck but it'd be fair we'd all be stronger we definitely would yeah hard times make strong men or whatever the fuck people talk about i dude i don't know i don't know if it's all propaganda everyone's saying like the the chinese dollar the chinese india whatever dollar they're gonna put it together and then like i don't have any idea what happens they're like then america's gonna slip from the number one currency and i was like dude i don't but writers have had just like it is it is a great lifestyle to be a writer

get up whenever you want like fucking just like it's not a strenuous work environment you're not really working with your hands like you've had a good run like if if barstool like closed today like i've had an extraordinary run of like a lot of luck to be able to work somewhere like this if the other shoe drops it's like okay yeah that's like how luck works like some days is good luck some days it's really you think that's how you would take it i mean that's the reality of it that's the truth i have a much different reaction i have fallout mentality too i'm fully ready for a fallout. Yeah. I'm always ready for everything to fall apart.

I'm not ready at all. I'm not going back to cravings in Kingston, Mass. I've lost it all like two or three times. After like the second time, you're like, yeah, it doesn't matter. You said you've lost it all multiple times. All my money. Yeah, I lost all my money. Really?

My whole life has been to get free from the workforce. That's been my driving. I'm freedom oriented individual yeah so i just want to be free from the workforce and i would get free lose all my money back to the fucking workforce and just be like man this fucking sucks so bad get free of it again lose all my money and after a while you're like that's pretty cool just to be here yeah and you're getting to a point of you are pretty free from the workforce right now yeah you're working for um dude i almost have my little wooden sword i'm a free gladiator if i get a couple more good years i think i don't but then again i'm probably gonna be more free once you move down to texas i think so a lot more free i think so but then again after that i feel like now i'd be able to re-enter if shit hits the fan i could re-enter

like you were saying like man that was cool a good run yeah have a good run and re-enter the workforce and just you know start stepping on shovels again and be like dude i had it good for a while yeah it was awesome got some money in the bank you know i could also see you uh becoming a blue collar hobbyist if you get a ton of money and just like going like jimmy carter mode like habitat for humanity and just building houses or just some shit just because it's healthy for you that would be good i'm i'm uh i'm not that good though like in terms of like measuring shit and building straight structures i'm not good at all now but i could get in there and maybe do some hr a little demo demo yeah demo i can do demos but yeah i i think about that all the time i want to get a place and start just building like stone structures on it that's what

that dude from trailer park trailer park boys did really yeah the mr leahy you ever watch his old youtube videos you ever watch trailer park boys yeah yeah mr leahy used to just build shit with stone all the time yeah he would build like oh i did see that he built like it was like a pool like a yeah yeah at the sea building like a yeah you do a ton of cool shit yeah yeah dude bill what kind of stuff like what uh he like built like wall he built like like, wall... He built, like, a massive, like, pool. Just, like, by hand. Like, a natural pool. Like, an outdoorsman?

Yeah. Like, a dooms... Like, a prepper type of thing? He would just do a... No, just, like, a hobby. Love of the game. He had, like, a massive house on the water, and he would, like, make massive walkways and stairs and shit.

It was cool. He started stoning everything. It was pretty tight. He built, like, a theater. Like, a mini theater. That must be awesome for that to be the kind of thing that satisfies you yeah that's what gets through your head like more so than like scrolling tiktok or something like that like that's what i want to do with my like three hours of free time yeah being like i can't wait to get home and just fucking mix cement and collect rocks yeah And move stones. Yeah. Not too thick, not too watery. Yeah.

It's the even, beautiful blend of cement. I think you would enjoy it more than scrolling TikTok, but it's like, dude, actually, I tried this in my backyard. I was like, I'm going to lay natural stone and make a little natural patio, and it was just like, it ended up, dudes had to come do it for me. They just dug up my five stupid rocks. I got these big-ass fucking rocks that I carried from the woods. I put them in my car, dug them out,

and it was like a Roman road. I was like, it wasn't perfect. And they just took them out instantly? I told my wife, I was like, I got it. I'm going to transform. We have a backyard literally smaller than this room. It was so small, and I was like, I got this. You're going to turn it into the Appian Way.

I thought, yeah, dude, I was like, I'm going to make a nice Roman road, and I was away, and I was like, I got this. You're going to turn it into the Appian Way. I thought, yeah, dude, I was like, I'm going to make a nice Roman road, and it was like, I was away, and she was like, hey, I'm going to have guys come fix it. Yeah. So did they have to come and see your failed handiwork? Yeah, they saw it. I was taking pictures. My cousin does hardscaping. I'm like, yo, check it out.

And I could tell. I thought he was going to be like, dude, do you want to come on board? Yeah. And he was just like, cool, man. And I was like, fuck. Yeah. Damn it. Have you ever been on the Reddit And he was just like, cool, man. And I was like, fuck. Damn it. Have you ever been on the Reddit, the r slash decks?

It's just these dudes who post the decks that they build. And they love shitting on dudes who make a shitty deck. There was one dude posted the other day, and he was like, went to my neighbor's cookout, won't even stand on this deck. What a slam, dude. It's a dude like secretly taking a photo of his neighbor's deck and he's like he's like this thing is going down in seconds he's like two inch plywood not a chance this holds up if i get on it

and all the comments are like good good on you, dude. Stand your ground. Fuck this guy. Go in there. Two claps. Yeah. Yeah, people get hurt. You got it, dude. It's like a moral thing to upkeep your deck. Oh, yeah.

Our decking in college was like, they had to shorten the deck because it was so dangerous. It was how our landlord had to come in one summer and shorten the deck because it was literally up on cinder blocks. They would have roasted us in the fucking- They would have flamed you guys. How do you feel about treks? What? How do you feel about treks tacking?

Treks tacking? Treks tacking. It's like that fake... It's like the composite material. It's like plastic. Oh, I have no idea. Zero maintenance, though. Yeah.

It gets hot as hell in the summer. Oh, does it? Oh, I know what you mean. Talking deck. I'm not a big deck guy. I don't... So you're saying a deck purist is going to go with a nice wood, just like a wood that they seal, coat eight times themselves just to make sure.

It all depends what you want. If you're near like Marina Life, Trex is actually a pretty solid option. Makes sense. Yeah, because that wood could rot. Imagine that wood rotting. That's what I'm saying. And that's the last thing I want to deal with mid-summer, rotting wood. No, you got to put the upkeep. Jesus Christ. I picked a nice Ipe. We did what I'm saying. And that's the last thing I want to deal with mid-summer, rotting wood. You got to put the upkeep.

Jesus Christ. I picked a nice Ipe. We did an Ipe for our, we did a roof deck and we, Ipe is like a Brazilian hardwood that's famous for it.

It doesn't need any treatment. Yeah. Just grazed. What was the price point in that thing? Pretty expensive? Per square foot. It's pretty expensive

square foot, but again, you're thinking maintenance. Wasn't there just like a wood shortage or some shit like that? Yeah, dude. It was expensive as fuck.

Timber's been like crazy lately. We did an addition. People don't want to work anymore. And the lumber fucking crushed us. Yeah. The lumberjacks are striking. They might be. How is that possible if there's more trees than there are stars in the sky?

How is there a wood shortage? Supply chain issues. Yeah, it's got to be supply chain. Still don't know what that is. You're right. Supply chain issues. You're fucking right. See, the way it works is there's trucks and then there's bigger trucks and then there's like

airplanes and something got confused the chain got confused yeah some guy with like a phone linked up to like somali pirates probably took over a boat that had all of our wood it's like all of our timber there's an interplay of like chinese slaves and trucks and like somewhere that got mixed up now wood's more expensive and we need fucking presidents to fix it i don't understand how some areas are like like you go to west virginia and one of the biggest industries is lumberjacks and logging and stuff but there's trees everywhere yeah it's not like there's just trees in west virginia it's not like they're the only places that have forest depends on the kind of wood though so you know pine is like the most used that's like where they frame houses out with

that's standard that's industry standard yeah pine i hope i'm not wrong i'm pretty sure pine two by fours are all pine are they yeah so that's the land of the pines yeah but but the thing is you got to plant again if you're far if you're cutting timber you got to plant and it takes forever You gotta let the trees Wait so there you go In like Headed on south To the land of the pines That's like

A song about Going to West Virginia And shit like that And that's where The land of the pines are So that makes perfect sense Yep yep Damn we just

Two by four is a Douglas fir Douglas fir? Yeah Is that a type of pine? No it's a fir It's a fir Come on Fuck dude

I think plywood's pine Fuck Idiot I could be wrong Douglas fir? Yeah. Is that a type of pine? No, it's a fir. It's a fir. Come on. Fuck, dude. I think plywood's pine. Fuck. Fucking idiot. I could be wrong. We could also cut this. We bleep out the... That would be great fun. Seriously, guys, I have a lot at stake.

Cut that. They get fucking roasted. The blue-collar community is going to be pissed at me. They are. They always get sass. The blue-collar community always cracks down when you don't know exactly what because i talked about farms one episode and they were like this guy does not know shit i think you said like cows have like a see-through window like yeah like the macy's like i said that there's cows have holes in them and they some of them do but i i guess i had the

reasoning wrong as to why they have the holes in them and there was dudes hitting me up literally with like their profile picture would be a cow. Like, fuck you. And they'd be like, you don't know shit about cows. Cows were hitting you up. There were cows that were like, fuck you. Oh, you watch like Food Inc. Yeah, that's exactly what happened.

And you're like, shut the fuck up. That's exactly what happened. Damn. Yeah, they'll get you. Those guys will get you. Oh, yeah. But it's also, it's fun when someone talks about, like if you're watching a show and you're like a cop, you're like, that's not how that fucking shit works.

Oh, yeah. Also, I'm pretty sure it's pine, dude. Yeah. Fuck them, dude. Douglas fir does sound right, but I think plywood might be pine. One of them's pine and it's a soft wood, so it's cheap. Even the fact that we're even having this conversation is a nod to the lumberjacks out there.

For sure. Like, we're trying to put it into the realm, and we're trying to learn. We're trying to educate ourselves. Lumberjacks, carps. Dude,ps dude r slash decks has 63 000 members yeah dude that's fucking huge let me see if i can find this post i bet it's the top one carp's got a good union oh yeah it's literally a video of his neighbors it's literally a video of all his neighbors quietly dancing on the deck and he goes no my wife's it says my neighbors built a deck for their wedding wife wanted to know why i wouldn't go dance on it am i the asshole

and then he goes two by sixes on 24 span with 24 inch spacing with home depot pre-poured footings that's a beautiful sentence and then the top comment, if I walked up to have a closer look, my added 300 pounds would take it down. I'll just watch. Thanks. I like that it's fat boys, too. That is 300 pounders. Just a dude, just a stubborn dude at a wedding. Everyone's dancing in the corner, and he's like, they have no idea.

True. They have no idea what's about to go down. Also, the fact, his neighbors probably saw the video right it depends if they're on reddit it's top it's top post on this of this year on r slash decks that would be a tough yeah that'd be a tough exchange you have to knock up and be like not very neighborly yeah i saw what you posted online about this brother that was the happiest day of my life, and you ruined it. I mean, if the neighbor built a deck, there's a good chance he's been on r slash decks. True. Building a deck is... He's probably in the comments like, what the fuck?

That's such an undertaking. I know. That's not just building a walkway in your backyard. If you fall off a deck, no matter how high it is, that could be treacherous. Yeah, man. People's lives are at stake when you're building a whole fucking deck gotta have your spindle game on deck you have your spindle game tight i did when we were looking at houses around is a spindle are you gonna build a deck out there's like a railing thing those little poles that kind of like hold up a railing spindle one time i was

uh down there use lattice but no fuck d Douglas first. You're digging yourself out, just dropping more knowledge. Just be like, I know this. I know shit. It was, we were down the Jersey Shore, and, like, it was, like, probably, like, it was off season. And we were having a Frisbee toss in the street. And the Frisbee, like, careened onto somebody's deck. And slide through. I know.

I had to, like, climb up their their deck to try and get this frisbee and as i was getting off it was like a wood that was tempered by or it was like ruined by the by the rain and it just like fucking collapsed and i like fell off of this fucking second floor jersey deck just completely ruined their shit and had to i mean just run away yeah that's on them too for lack of maintenance yeah of course yeah i should have sued them yeah had to, I mean, just run away. Yeah. That's on them too, for lack of maintenance. Yeah, of course. Yeah, I should have sued them. Honestly, they hurt me. I would have.

I would have been on r slash dex immediately. Oh, yeah. I got a load of this asshole. Dude, I'm getting to the age where it does kind of bother me if I see things kind of, people letting their houses go. God damn it. Fucking lawn. Dude, I get pissed.

We rented an Airbnb, and the fucking, like, pool was green, and, like, the blinds were all fucked up, and I was like, how the fuck... Just get your fucking blinds... Fix the blinds. I'm like, fuck, dude. I'm definitely killing my dad. Like, fix the fucking blinds. What the hell are you doing?

Are you going to have to do all that shit? Did you get, like, a house out in Austin? We got a house, yeah. So you're going to have to do a lot of maintenance. No, not really. A lot of work around the house. It's pretty much done. And I've definitely got to the point now where I've fully realized my technical capability.

Yeah, yeah. Painting a room and replacing an outlet. So for anything else, I go, no, call someone and have them do it. Yeah. Wait, replacing an outlet is, that's kind of nice. It's not bad. A little electrician. I'll take it and i'll

work hot too i won't i won't shut it off at the panel you live dangerous i'll keep it hot as long as i have my tester with me test it out but yeah i work hot that scares me for you brother i mean 120 you're talking 120 yeah i was just a a little home alone. You can get hung up. People do get hung up on 120. Don't get it twisted, but... People perish on 120? Some people perish on 120. Yeah.

I mean, it could be. But it could be the secret to superpowers, too. True. Could turn into the fastest man alive. You can get zapped all you want, but some people, if you get zapped and you can't get off, that's when you get hung up. So a kid can get hung up on 120. I personally can counter 220.

Yeah. At a commercial job. You just ate it? I had the insulated snips, so I was all right. Yeah. I fucking blew my snips out of my hands. Damn. Yeah, it's scary as fuck.

Kickback. I was in like a- 220 will do that to you. 220 will not. 220 will fuck you up. 220 will fuck you in the ass. 220 hurts, dude. 220 hurts.

If you open the ceiling, there'd be dude. 220 hertz. It's too much. So if you open the ceiling, there'd be metal wires pretty much. And there's usually a 220. Yeah. If you cut those, dude, they fuck you up. Yeah. What did it feel like? Luckily, I had the insulated snippers. So it just blew them out of my...

But it literally... Imagine cutting a thing and it took my snippers. It blew a hole in the metal and just sent them fucking flying. Oh my God. And then I knocked the power out of this commercial building and there was plastic surgeon below us oh so they lost power in like the mess in the middle of a bdl in the middle of a titty job that's fucked had them titties open that's crazy and then i my boss was like don't tell anyone about it and we had to be like what the fuck happened to us you guys get that you guys also not do plastic surgery but even the

remember the lighters like the trick lighters that you press down on and like oh yeah those fuck you up those hurt badly yeah dude

did you ever lick a 9 volt no dude never got around to it never got around to that dude my do you have older brothers no

see I had older brothers and they'd be like here lick this battery and you're like yeah like don't be a pussy and you put your tongue on it. It shocks you? Yeah.

I think it's probably akin to those trick lighters. Those are fun, and they're fun to fuck around with. But I can't imagine. I don't even know how. Is that electricity that's sending through you? Or what is it that it's sending through? Is it? I thought it was just a vibration.

It's probably 9-volt hitting you. No, it's probably giving you a zap. 9-volt zap. Yeah. Sounds like a 9-volt. I'm telling you, lick a 9-volt battery, dude. You'll get a taste. It's definitely not a 220. I'll tell you that a zap. Yeah. Sounds like a nine volt. I'm telling you, you're licking nine volt battery, dude. You'll get a taste.

It's definitely not a 220. I'll tell you that. Dude, please. Could be a 120 max. I'd step, I would have interceded. If people were handing out 220 trick lighters,

I'm like, guys, what the hell are we doing? I'd have them stand on a rubber mat. The pen was always a bad one. Yeah, ground yourself. I remember I asked a dude for a pen in class once.

He zapped you? And I did it, and I was like, I think I probably just caused a fucking scene. The fuck, dude? Something's wrong with this pen. Dude, I was food shopping in Salt Lake and I thought I was getting static shock.

Yeah. But I think they had a mechanism for if it goes too far away from the parking lot, it cuts off. Yeah. But there was something loose on it because I would tap the inside of the handle on the shopping cart. I got shocked like five times. Dude, that used to happen to me on the treadmill at the gym every time to the point that i like thought something i thought it was like me i was like i was like is there like an electric charge running through my body there is by the way yeah some electric charge how many volts i don't know honestly i have no idea someone there's people

who have claimed to have mapped out like the voltage of your thoughts really like how yeah that's crazy but every time i would touch it it would zap me and i'd be like going to turn it off and i'd be like so slowly approaching it and then it would zap me and i'd be like fuck yeah dude when you get struck by lightning you're more likely to get struck by lightning again which must mean that there's like you got a charge and added electricity to you or something like that you have jumper cables on your hair yeah i know you know i'm telling you i i people hate when i talk about electrical stuff in the body because i claim to have i have some wacky electrical shit going yeah really all my electronics get fucked up all

the time dude it's all every time i go to the fucking bank they're like oh our computer's having an issue and i always tell them i'm like yeah i'm sorry not surprised it might be me it might be me they always laugh dude my every phone i have every electrical thing i have it just it just weird you should be if you weren't such a honest guy you could be using this for evil yeah you're robbing banks yeah true like shutting down like someone's adt shutting down someone's ring light just by touching it walking in you have a superpower you can just control glass yeah like the fourth the fourth hero and fucking split true i couldn't be using this dude all my electronics are fried all the time i always have issues with shit just because you're charged up i don't know what it is dude i do know

if i walk past like the towers like there's electrical towers it fucks with my heartbeat dude i don't like it it's not like in a good way yeah dude I'm telling you I went one time dude I rescued a turtle I had this turtle I found and I was bringing it back to the bring it to a pond yeah I found it at work bringing it to the pond but I had a I was in Jersey and had to walk through the woods and I ended up at like you know those big like electrical they look

like the yeah it looks like a headless person it's like a little thing like the big heavy-duty electrical I had to walk underneath those things and I was like I felt dude I i know those feel weird dude you feel fucking crazy yeah when i was fly fishing in colorado we were walking back and we had to pass like 10 of those and all of our rods the reels were just vibrating like crazy they let off a thing yeah i feel it yeah doesn't a defibrillator is there electricity in that yeah man that's your heart yeah that's fucking nuts that is weird we're kind

of like car batteries you can just fucking like yeah it's like yeah just hook up jumper cables to your nipples and get going oh yeah that is fucking just give you a shock it is wild dude we're fucking electric beings i know that's pretty tight i like to think about that all the time electric water yeah we are just the things that we're watching plasma like we're plasma and like that's what the tv screens are made out of damn we're just like a radio radio shack we'll do that when i would talk about the potentially you know celestial bodies like the sun and all this stuff having some form of consciousness it's like if you're a materialist kind of scientist guy you're like you you say human consciousness is nothing more than just like, well, like sparks and minerals in your brain.

It's a byproduct of a physical thing, which is you. But then it's like, so you're telling me all of the electricity, water and all the shit in the cosmos can't produce a super consciousness at scale? Totally. So why not? I'm at the point where I definitely know the plants. I'm always like tactile with the plants that I have in my house. I like Jujube. Really? Because they have feelings yeah they have thoughts they have something i mean they they they like to be touched they say well they can say consciousness is just an organism's ability to respond to a stimulus so like yeah plants will respond if you

like change a light they're like yeah it's not obviously as in-depth as human consciousness yeah something that was like what i think one of the first barstool cross crossovers with uh your guys podcast i was on the act one day i was like i heard on the podcast that the sun has like a brain well that's the it's like it does make sense though because it's like if you're like that's what they say like human consciousness is now if you're like a hardcore scientist you're like it's just a byproduct of a it's like an illusion it's the byproduct of the physical yeah mechanisms of your brain and your body interacting with like visual stimuli it's like all right so if it's just stuff basically creating consciousness physical processes like the universe abounds in physical

yeah that makes sense why couldn't the universe be connected in some other form of transcending consciousness a la god let's fucking go go, dude. Talk that shit. That's why we have you on here, dude. You know what I'm saying? You're giving the people exactly what they asked for. We need it, dude. We're in a dark period right now. Yeah? And people need to reconceptualize their place in the cosmos. The physical cosmos

isn't it, dude. Yeah. Screaming into a void. Someone tried to tell me I went to the Museum of Natural History this weekend. Nice. And Someone tried to tell me, I went to the Museum of Natural History this weekend. Nice. And someone tried to tell me that we know as much about the ocean as we do space. And I was like, I don't think that's true. Well, I think it's very little they're saying, though.

Yeah, but I think space is a lot bigger than the ocean. It is. But the depths, I think where they're saying is the Deep ocean shit that you can't get down there. Yeah. The water pressure just crushes everything. Yeah, it is crazy. Yeah, they don't have any fucking clue. Yeah. But yeah, I guess so.

I mean, dude, they're heavy in space though. Yeah, but it's so big. I mean, it's infinite. It's infinite. It's infinite. What's the edge? In the Museum of Natural History, they have that walkway, this spiral walkway, and it's supposed to represent like the beginning of time and you're walking around for like five levels and then there's like a two feet of like what humans have

been alive for like there's just so much more in this representation of everything else that's happened before it's sweet you go to a fucking natural history museum you come back with some shit to talk about on a podcast dude you learned You learn some shit. I know you learn some shit in there. I saw that. I saw that. I looked at that. The meteor shit is pretty crazy. Natural history.

I'm not a big museum guy, but I will fuck with natural history. I wanted to go to the air and space one, but it was fucking slammed. Couldn't get in. True. Yeah. Bouncer was like, no. Yeah. You know anybody in here? Yeah.

That was a bummer. So we went to the natural history. I know Degrass Tyson. Yeah. I wanted to see the great white, get the fuck out of here. Who do you know? You know anybody in here? Yeah. That was a bummer, so we went to the natural history. I know Degrass Tyson. Yeah. I wanted to see the great white, but the great white wasn't there. You know what's fucked up? The universe has to be infinite. Yeah.

Because if there was a border, it would have to be stopped. Yeah. If it's stopped, it's like there's got to be something to contain the part that stops. So it can't stop. Yeah, there's no walls. Yeah, it's trippy. I don't like to think about it. It makes it, it's more like a dream.

Yeah. When you think about it as a little boy, it's the most scary thing that you can think of. Yeah. I remember thinking about it as a child

and I was, I definitely like had a breakdown. Oh yeah. I got fucked up on the fact that I was an animal. When I was like 18,

it hit me that I was an animal and I was just like, fuck dude. Yeah. I was on like a lot of weed ed I was an animal and I was just like, fuck, dude. I was on a lot of weed edibles. And I had to sit there over the course of the night. My friends went out and I was like, I'm going to stay home. And I laid in my friend's bed while they were out. Just process the fact that I was an animal.

Yeah, I had one of those. For like six hours. It was terrible. That happened to me. I was probably like 16 and I was playing video games with my friends. And it was like 4 a.m. And we were just like, what is dude what is this just like i remember like looking at like transparent images online i'd be like what is nothing nothing got me just forever is what got

me as a kid it was like wait so if when i go to heaven then that just lasts for forever yeah like that's way scarier than something being finite. Yeah. Just like forever. Well, it's outside the stream of time. Yeah. That's the thing. People think of it like it's time forever, but it's like, no, you're outside of the stream

of time. Yeah. There's no time. Yeah. It's eternity. Have you ever seen 2001 A Space Odyssey? Mm-hmm. It's a, that's a-

I gotta check it out. A wild movie. But like the last 15 minutes of it are him just like basically getting sucked into an ultralight beam and just like going through all of time and like all of light, all of space. That's awesome. It's definitely up your alley. Yeah, I'm gonna check that out.

Definitely would enjoy it. Sounds like Interstellar. Kind of. He gets trapped. Yeah, he gets trapped. Motherfucker gets trapped. Fucks around, gets trapped in fucking wallpaper. Yeah.

Who would have thought? Knocking over books. Dude, that's still, I think about that constantly. Yeah. That dude is trapped in fucking wallpaper. I wonder if there's the porno back there behind the wallpaper. Oh, yeah, definitely. Yeah.

He's just beating me up. He's like, wait, this is awesome. Wait, this is fucking incredible. Yeah. All the porno of all the time is behind it. Wait, this rules. Well, dude, we know you got to go fucking bang out. What time is it?

We're 12.08. Oh, shit. We got to get you over go fucking What time is it We're 12.08 Oh shit We gotta get you over To fucking Record Matt and Shane MSSP Dude uh Good luck on the move Thanks man

Everybody please Dude your special was fire Special was fucking I'm harassed I haven't seen you since then I dude I'm uh I'm excited to do another one Cause I did that

And I was like I didn't know how those things Worked at all Yeah Like the first seven minutes Of that were not ready as I was recording it I was realizing like these weren't really finished jokes no but you're

coming at it as like people love it yeah you're coming at it as like such a honed comedian like as somebody who's not a comedian who's just like a consumer of it it was awesome thank you man it was great it just was very enjoyable working on the next one now now I'm like alright now I know I don't have to film like six shows.

Yeah, yeah. Don't have to do that. That was just a problem. That was hilarious. Such a dumbass. I was like, fuck it, I'm doing it. I was ever seeing the Philly Helium and it was like six shows sold out. I was like, damn.

Filming all of them. Did you just end up using a majority of one of the shows? Yeah, I used like two back then. Two or three maybe. Yeah. But it creates too much because then you go, okay, all right but what about this one yeah i don't know which is which did you watch all six of them to edit it or just no i like focused on two i had an editor i had an editor got it got it got it yeah that would have been crazy he did a fantastic he was

actually phenomenal he did it really how long is the runway for having a second one i'm shooting for like a year a year and a half yeah yeah i have a new you have a new all yeah i'm doing all new jokes on an all new hour so that's awesome people come out to shows and they're like I can't believe you did new stuff

it's like what am I gonna do the same shit yeah it's just all on YouTube it'd be crazy yeah so right now

I have a shaky yeah 55 it's going well right now it's fun though it's very so fun yeah doing new stuff

yeah I have a new 55 so it's awesome I'm twerking it but fuck yeah yeah go see this dude hey go see my special you're gonna fucking love it thank you man appreciate you bro yeah go see

me on the road as well it's a sass man yeah go see sass for sure thank you all right thank you guys Have a so much. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye.