Son of a Boy Dad - Most Tings per Capita | Son of a Boy Dad #126

Episode Date: August 1, 2023

Rone and Sas talk about cable tV shows, drinking in Europe, Oppenheimer, fantasy football, Allah, and more. Ads: Gametime: Download the Gametime app or go to https://gametime.co, enter your email, and redeem code BOYDAD for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply).You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, Son of a Boy Dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Alrighty, welcome back to the Son of a Boy Dad podcast. What are you doing? Trying to get that to stay up? You think I can? No. I should do this before bed every night. I'd stand up like 15 coins right on their edge. And I was pretty sure I had OCD at that time.

But then I just was like, wait, I don't care if they fall over, which is, I think, a main tenet of not having OCD. Yeah, definitely. All right, welcome back to the Son of a Boy Dad podcast. Today it is Monday. What is it? July 30th? Yeah, it's the end of July.

Whatever the fuck. It's the end of July. July 31st. Damn near. Probably. Maybe. I will be in Philadelphia next weekend. Thursday through Saturday.

Five shows. Me. Who else? Mook. Who else? Sean Gardini. Saturday five shows me who else Sean Gardini just a dangerous trio just a danger to the stage yeah two different flavors of

red hair totally and then I re-listened to my set from last year when I was there got a good probably 45 minutes of new material you re-listened to your set i listened to it from last year very bad you didn't like it terrible really noticeably drunk i i mean everybody that i was there with were like screaming laughing yeah they're dumb i remember we left philly last year saying that was the best you've ever done. Yeah. And it was bad.

Not really. Much better now. Yeah, I can't drink before going on stage anymore. Well, it's just that, I mean, I was with you this weekend and you were drinking before you went on stage. Yeah, I know, but you peer pressured me. You kept on buying me more drinks. I kept on saying, I can't drink. And you were still knocking them back.

I had one. I had one after I cut myself off. Yeah. But yeah, that's next week. The tickets are in my bio on Instagram or at littlesasquatchwebsite.com. There's a meet and greet afterwards too. No meet and greet.

There's a meet and greet by City Hall. No meet and greet. We're going to be having a rally by the family court. Going to be a quick do the show, go back to the hotel and sleep. What hotel are you staying at? I'm going to be on my best behavior. I don't know. Four seasons. Whatever the ones court. Going to be a quick do the show, go back to the hotel and sleep. What hotel are you staying at? I'm going to be on my best behavior. I don't know.

Four seasons. Whatever the ones I stayed at last time. You got to stay at the Four Seasons. Hell no. There's like a 360 degree view of the city from the pool on the roof. I'm not dropping fucking $10,000 on a Four Seasons hotel. I'm not even dropping. I'm going to bike there.

I'm going to take a sea bike from New York. I'm saving as much money as I can. My rent is sneaking up on me every month, and it's a lot of money that I don't have. Yeah, you better do this comedy chop chop. So let's go ahead and buy those tickets so I can't afford to live in New York still. Getting squeezed out of the yak. Viciously. That squeeze out is crazy.

Ontario and Huntsville didn't really pay well so things aren't going the best but philly philly helium he needs this philly helium come to the shows uh thank you he needs this shit badly yeah got a bunch of other shit too if you click on the website chicago's like pretty much sold out uh rosemont's still available for that so yeah go get the tickets just a big reminder to the philly people that it's a whole new hour of comedy it's not a whole new hour but it's like just lie it doesn't matter five minutes someone shows up and here's the same fucking also all the jokes have changed so who gives a fuck they got better

there's no they're better tags there's new tags there's like two jokes that I did that I still do. How many people did come for you to take your shirt off like Bert Kreischer? 10,000. If 10,000 people fit in that room. If 10,000 people can show up, I'll take my shirt off. That's kind of. But I'll make sure that all their phones are bagged. And they're all blind people. Yeah.

They have no idea. They're just feeling your nipples like Braille. I know. See, everyone, dude, people were like, oh, what do what do you do can you not do laundry you wear that shirt every day yeah dude it's called uh marketing go birds go birds yeah you know you see the eagles are going to get a new color of their uniform i did kelly green yeah what do you think about it you think it's a sexy color i think it's a good move for the organization yeah people on their toes you get people uh buying tickets there are people like their toes. You get people buying tickets.

There are people streaming into the office. People sprinting in to buy tickets. Looking to get that takeoff? Yeah. Oh, oh, oh. No, but to buy into the Eagles offices or whatever. The fucking team store, I should say. Trying to buy those new jerseys.

There's preseason starts this week. Packers-Jets. Right? Yeah, we're going to the game. Are you really? you really we are me and you i'm not going to that shit why not where is it probably jersey is it in jersey yeah new jersey like the eagles have it's got to be it's going to be fucking sick and exciting to have you as a full football fan all season because last year you were dilly dallying a little bit one foot in one foot out i was all in the whole season no by the end of the season you were full like it's not like you were rootingilly-dallying a little bit. One foot in, one foot out. I was all in the whole season. No, by the end of the season, you were full. It's not like you were rooting for the Eagles before they were good. No, but I don't root for the Eagles even now that they're good.

Yes, you do. Of course I do. Up until... Don't say that before. After August 14th, I won't. August 13th is my dad's birthday. Can he come through the show? Hell no. If he buys a ticket, he can. Why? No, is my dad's birthday yeah can he come through the show hell no if he buys a ticket he can why no call my dad chill with my dad is your dad like a fucking like astrophysicist or some

shit yeah you can buy a ticket your dad can swing the ticket you think that astrophysicists are rich first off he's a biophysicist biophysicist that's even more no it's way less it's on a smaller scale astro's the whole universe bio is like a little bit tiny tell your dad i'll get him a ticket i'll see what i can do yeah see if i can fit him in because i mean those tickets i think since i said that they probably chose to sold out and the green room is only one seat yeah we tried to chill in the green room last year and i had to like stand under a part of a roof that was slanted yeah i was bent at the waist fuck shit didn't work that good i haven't done a five i haven't done a three-day weekend in a while and those are those are those those are brutal on the body five shows yeah five shows of talking it's not even the shows it's the it's the three nights in a hotel of like yeah that's chicken

fingers and slop every day and then drinking there's healthy places that you can eat there's a place called Hip City Veg that's got Beyond Burgers and shit like that that will trick your body into thinking that you're eating meat. I'll try that out. That's really all you need to do is trick your body into thinking

you're going to have some meat. Yeah. I bought some vegetarian meatballs. I'm about to cook them up tonight. Beyond Meatballs. Beyond Burgers aren't... I've never had the meatballs, but the Beyond Burgers are pretty good.

You ever had the Burger King Beyond Burger? It's good. Good as fuck. Yeah. The extra slop they put on it makes it a little bit they put a lot of extra slop on it it's like the it's impossible for that sandwich to retain its integrity for through the end of it yeah it's falling apart like like wet toilet paper but it's good but it's delicious some good slop and for the beyond meatballs it's 19 grams of protein per serving oh shit so if there's like three or four servings in there i'm getting fucking 60 grams of protein a lot of soy though fuck a lot of estrogen fuck dude i didn't realize that that my penis is going to crawl up inside me like a parasite by the time you're done with those meatballs fuck dude that

sucks so bad whatever i'll just just join a swim team or some shit like that yeah not a bad idea dominate actually i would still suck imagine transitioning to like women's sports and still sucking yeah getting like blown out of the water like thinking that you're about to dominate i'm sure that's happened it's probably just doesn't go you get swept under the rug there's no outrage about it yeah see yeah girl power like if i switched if i transitioned and just started playing like women's college basketball but like was getting swatted by these yeah these women no probably there's probably no one on earth that's more transphobic than the girl that came in second place and that's swimming meet why you think it

destroyed her dude they made they did like an interview with her and she was like i was working my entire life to to get this damn well she has a new type of attention now yeah you know she's running for president of the united states that is yeah she just shot two people in kenosha yeah yeah she transitioned to a man and she's now kyle rittenhouse yeah that's the the fucking dream But you don't really hear shit about Leah Thomas was the biggest story in the fucking world. Now one year later, no one really talks about that shit at all. No. No one gives a fuck. No one actually cares about

most things. I know. People really like, you don't, no one actually cares about a large majority of things that we pretend to care about. It's just how good can a person on TV, radio, or podcast do at getting you upset about getting you really angry that's the skill of having a podcast is like can you get the people fucking furious yeah can you foment a revolution whip people into a frenzy like this is

the main thing that america is facing right now yeah this is the worst thing that's facing someone going to a brunch. Yeah. Drag brunch. Dude, Huntsville drag brunch was popping. You were there? No, we didn't go, but they were like, it sells out every single week. It's probably like entrapment. I don't know what it is, but they were like, they have to bring in extra seating and shit.

Really? Because it's so crowded. Really? Yeah. You went? We got invited. They were like, yeah, like yeah you gotta come it's really fun no that was a that was a trap you realize what's happening here no dude what the feature went everybody zach horny batman you might know him as oh really he went to a drag brunch in huntsville because he got kicked out of his hotel because he because he only had a

hotel for one night because he lives in n. So he was going to drive home. And how did he get kicked out? He didn't get kicked out. He had to check out at 11. Oh, he just had to leave. And he just went to the club and the drag brunch was happening. I thought that he was like smoking meth in his room. No, no, no.

The only other place I can go right now is a drag brunch. No. The only safe space for me is to go see some folks in drag. No. Dude, Horny Batman's a good guy. Great comedian. Just because I said he did meth doesn't mean that i think that he sucks as i know it's just funny that that we that like we didn't what he came on the show none of us knew him and now he like has opened for me twice yeah but like not even like like just because he works at all these clubs

not even off the strength of the uh barool stuff. No, it was literally like he's a regular feature at Zanies Nashville and Zanies Nashville owns Stand Up Live in Huntsville. I heard he got JFL too. No. I heard he got JVRs.

No, no. He didn't get the, he didn't get James Van Riemsijk? No. Damn, that's fucking brutal for him. Yeah, but he's good. He's a good guy. He's a great guy um me and you chilled this weekend we had some fucking heart-to-heart time just me you and your buddy

yeah who left yeah your buddy bailed on us he abandoned us i couldn't believe it especially after your rants about all your buddies yeah that video is hilarious yeah it was funny i don't really understand i don't know what you should say instead of my buddy. Yeah, what am I supposed to say? It just is funny when you hear someone say the same word over and over again. Yeah, I just don't like when people refer to people that not everyone knows. It's like on a first name basis. I don't like that either.

Yeah. Or when someone's like, our friend Marco said this. Yeah. It's like, dude, stop bragging that you got a friend. Yeah. Or they're like, oh, Jack. It's like, who the fuck is Jack? It's like you say, stop bragging that you got a friend. Yeah. Or they're like, oh, Jack. It's like, who the fuck is Jack? So I just say, my buddy, Jack.

Yeah. Some people on podcasts will just be like, yeah, Brandon was saying this. Yeah. And then if there's a new listener, then they go, who the fuck is Brandon? Or they'll be like. Is that a friend? Is it your dad? They'll be like, my, our friend, uh, Big Cat will say this, like our friend Rusillo or

something like that. Yeah. Yeah. But I guess he probably just does have a bunch of friends. Not all of us can be fucking, not all of us can please the listener as well as I can. Yeah. And buddy is just a nice word. It is.

Buddy is one of the most pleasing words, but I heard a fucking super unpleasing word. I drove through a neighborhood called Gowanus. Gowanus. Where is this? South Africa? No, in Brooklyn. Oh, okay. It's like right by downtown Brooklyn.

It's like right south of downtown Brooklyn. Gowanus definitely sounds like it would be somewhere that the safari passed through. Gowanus. Yeah. Ah, the wild snakes of Gowanus. What were they saying in Gowanus? What words? No, the word Gowanus is the most ugly, disgusting word I've ever heard in my life.

I thought you were going to say you heard like a slur. Oh, no oh no no no slurs are music to my ears yeah i hear a slur and it's like fucking beethoven most definitely most deaf yeah i look at a fucking piano i just see black and white keys in a box i hear slurs i hear mozart exactly i hear fucking beethoven kind of like beethoven i could always just play when it came to slurs i could just play i don't know so you think good goodwill hunting was autistic for real is that what they're saying no that's what i'm saying now but he has to be if like autistic people are going to claim everyone that knows a state capital they need to fucking claim goodwill hunting's extrapolating ass his speed reading ass how does speed reading even work i think it's even i think it's just as if he has a photographic memory

right what does that mean though i think it means that he just is better at retaining information than most people when he's when you speed read do you read it do you see every word on the page you picking up a general idea i think there's like legitimate like techniques to speed reading right where you pick up you just pick up like massive chunks of information per each page and you internalize it are you internalizing it one thing at a time i can see time reading first letter last letter you get like your brain just picks up yeah something weird is in between but have you seen like i've seen that type of speed reading but like what about the one where a dude just like put his hand down a book like he's petting the back of a fucking cat and just like goes one page

to the next and just like internalize it lying yeah that is that was the ultimate move in like middle school i always thought photographic memory like i'm a speed reader you grab a book and you flip through and you go done everyone's like dude there's no fucking way you just read that and you're like yeah i did no i'm genius yeah no i'm really smart i'm actually a fucking genius that was like the ultimate move as a child yeah or like uh flip books those were pretty sweet describe it's like a cartoon and you flip oh yeah those were awesome running yeah yeah that shit was fuck and then you try to do it with your own on like the bottom corner of your textbook or something like that. Yeah. Stick figures fucking each other or something like that.

The best move was when you figured out how to like put the books together, like intertwine them. And then you couldn't pull them apart. That's that's good physics. Yeah. That's astrophysics. That's how you get fucking rich. Yeah. Put two books together.

Didn't. What was that? Mythbbusters mythbusters did that did they and they like couldn't get it apart they used like two like fucking cars pulling them apart and they couldn't get it apart i still don't understand that friction bro is that what it is yeah mythbusters are fucking genius mythbusters was a good ass show it was interesting it's a very good show they did did the Jaws episode during Shark Week. They're smart bros, but also curious and like odd fellows. Very curious.

I think that they might have started like the handlebar mustache train. Were they all rocking handlebar mustaches? Or like not handlebars, but like the curly-cued ones that are like the logos of coffee shops now. Yeah. Jeffries. You know what really gets me or what really fucks me up in the head is i think about mythbusters but for some reason when i picture it i'm picturing the impractical jokers doing the mythbusters like myths like i'm picturing like the impractical jokers like trying to pull apart a tech like a two phone books that are intertwined why i don't know that's just like what my brain goes to i think it says they're both like filmed similar but the one dude has

like a beret i don't remember what the mythbusters look like at all it's like i'm thinking i'm picturing sal it's like dude's dressed up like steve irwin i don't know why i don't know why that's what my brain goes to taking a murph yeah yeah no dude it's it's two different two different odd cable guys yeah cable guys. It used to be fucking incredible. You could just have a really good group of friends and get a cable TV show. Oh, yeah. That's like there was probably like 20 years of cable where they were just giving out TV shows to groups of friends. Totally. You just convince people you have a good ass group of friends.

There were some good ass shows on cable, dude. Deadliest Catch was good, but that's not a deadliest warrior on Spike. That was awesome. That show was awesome. Jesse James versus That was awesome. That show was awesome. Jesse James versus Al Capone. That shit was awesome. They were really letting their imagination run wild with the masculine shit. Yeah.

That was real masculine. For men. Yeah. But I never fuck with Sharknado. That was back when a male swimmer was a male swimmer. If you know what I'm talking about. Back when Spike TV was on. Yeah. Can we bring back spike bring back spike tv i want to see leah thomas versus jesse james weapon of choice revolver versus they should do deadliest

warrior and it's a it's a biologically women swimmer versa versa trans swimmer. And they're running like simulations. It's like a hundred women swimmers versus one trans swimmer. Today on Deadliest Warrior. Yeah, that would be awesome. Not to put them in different buckets.

A trans woman is what I meant. 100%. 100%. I got what you meant. Of course. Just wanted to make sure that all of our trans boy dads are represented. Yeah. And Donald Trump, if you hate trans women so much, who's going to clean your toilets? You hate trans women so much, who's going to mow your lawns? That's one of the funniest videos I've ever seen.

Who's going to flip your burritos? I watched that video like a hundred times this weekend. Who's going to win the 100 meter freestyle for America on the world stage? Yeah. Good shit. Let some Chinese woman beat you. What else? What else was it?

It was like Deadliest Warrior. I watched a lot. Dumb Ways to Die. I never watched Dumb Ways to Die. I never watched Dumb Ways to Die. I watched a thousand ways to die. Or five thousand. Isn't that the same thing? Six thousand ways to die or some shit like that?

I don't know. I only watched like one episode of that. Ten thousand ways to die? One. Okay. Yeah, that shit was cool though. They just tell stories about death. You're like, whoa.

Yeah. Yo. Yeah. That was like the man versus food era too yeah it was just like that took over everything on tv man versus food just ruined that guy's life ruined his body oh yeah adam richmond yeah silent library that time good good cable tv bro hgtv watched a lot of hgtv property brothers Brothers. You did? Oh, yeah. With your family? Oh, yeah.

Who would put that on? My mother. A lot of the cooking channel. Mothers love that. We watched a lot of Chopped. We used to be a big Chopped house. That was a golden era for people just having a sledgehammer and taking down a wall. Oh, yeah.

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There was one episode of Chopped where one of the people on it was, I don't know if it was Chopped or if it was one of those shows like that. But this person made it like really far through. And she kept on doing like a sob story about having cancer and then it then like she was like in the semi-finals and she admitted that she does not have cancer and then she shaved her head because her friend has cancer and they kicked her off and it was so funny that was like but that was like we were watching that as a family in my jaw we We were like, what the fuck? Like jaw on the floor being like, how the fuck did that just happen?

That's such great television. Oh, yeah. The producers, as they found that shit out, must have been so excited. Yeah. You know, on Barstool Idol, Francis had the thing with like, he had cancer. Yeah, he lied that he had cancer. I don't know if it was a lie or a false positive or what. I have heard about that. cancer i don't know if it was a lie or a false positive or what but like on monday that it was like monday of the competition that like oh yeah and he also found out he just got cancer and then

on like thursday as the competition was winding down he like got a phone call it was like you don't actually have cancer that's crazy francis that's a smart move though i mean you can't blame him it's a power move it was an incredible move yeah you can't blame him. That's a power move. It was an incredible move. But I don't know if... That's what I'm going to do. And you guys all go to Chicago next week for the yak. Well, that's great, because I just found out that I actually have cancer. Saz, come.

You can come. Like, no, no. You would have... If you wanted me there, I would have known. Well, I got to go to Philly anyway. Oh, never mind. Don't have cancer. Yeah.

Wait for them to invite me and then pull out. I can't go to Chicago. I have to go to chicago i have to go to chemotherapy i have to go get radiation dude speaking of radiation what happened in chernobyl devastating not rfk said it was fake rfk is a dumbass rfk said all that shit was just cooked up for the dramatics of the series hell no he's very pro nuclear energy but super anti-wifi yeah he's like nuclear bombs won't kill you nuclear reactors won't kill you but wi-fi will like sleeping with your phone next to your head

is what will kill you that shit freaks me out a lot yeah that's been the thing they've been saying that forever they've been like you should put your phone on airplane mode and put it like five feet away from you while you're sleeping. I think I'll scroll until I fall asleep. My shit is like on top of my head when I'm sleeping. I think I'll get knocked out by dropping it onto my forehead. Mine's like under my cheek as I'm sleeping. Yeah.

Just a phone imprint of an Otterbox on the fucking outside of your face. Dude, I called my mom on stage. Did I tell you about this? What? That on Friday when I brought her up. No, I the next morning I was going to call my I was going to call Bo. Sorry, my buddy, Bo. No, I can't say that anymore.

Can't say anything. But I was going to call Bo, my friend. That's for those who don't know. That's one of my good friends on Sunday. And I'm looking through my call history and I'm like, when did I call my mom? And I was like, I don't think I was that drunk last night at all. And then I look and it was at 944 and I got on stage at like 935. How long was the call? It was like 10 seconds long. She was like, I just heard you talking and a bunch of people like, and like talking to, it's just,

it said it sounded like you were talking to people and then she hung up cause she didn't want to ease her up. Oh really? Yeah. What if it was like a 45 minute call? I know. She's like taking notes. Yeah. My house was like, what? When you grew up? Yeah. Your who is a bitch. Damn.

That's fucking, I guess, a little bit mortifying. Yeah. Yeah. Or, I mean, the other alternative of you being so drunk that you called your mom is funny too. That would have been a bad one if it was like 3 a.m some people have relationships with their parents like that yeah that's insane those are people who get hooked on hard hard no no no i think that's people dude there's some people that are really close to their parents italians yeah yeah italians fazoli yeah mom

i had too many bud lights pick me up we live in different states no they never live in different states oh yeah if you're talking to your mom I'm gonna sleep at your place tonight it's one house over tell your boyfriend to fucking make room on the couch yeah they're always divorced too

totally they're always single moms to a great kid totally to a great fucking kid great fucking kid or people are really close to their parents when they're young and their parents let them party at their house that shit's always that's the kids that end up getting hooked on drugs eighth grade yeah my mom said we can fucking drink tonight at my place my mom's rolling up some doobies for us yeah Yeah. I'd rather they do it in the house. Yeah. You're going to be in my house.

You're going to be safe. I'd rather they do the coke in my house. Three of the kids get rushed to the hospital that night. I have the best Narcan in the house.

Yeah. Getting stabbed in the chest with a needle. My mom would never let us drink in our house. My mom would never give us Narcan if we passed out.

Even when I was in college. Really? Yeah. Until I turned 21, my mom would never let me and my friends drink. Who does she think she is? I don't know.

I was like 19 and my mom was like, we drank at my house one time. And my mom was like, I am not happy with this. Really? Yeah. She was like,

this is making me very uncomfortable really i mean she just had this idea that like one of us was going to get like arrested and then like be like well we were drinking at this person's house and then like the police were going to come like seize the house from us yeah that's bullshit do you think that there should be a drinking age in general yes why anything stupid i've ever done in my life has been from alcohol but don't you think that there's some merit to the idea that if there's not a drinking age like people will normalize it at an earlier age i think people will but i think like if you could have a glass of wine when you're 13 years old or some shit like that i don't know i i mean yeah i guess i guess i guess the one thing that it would

do what it it would definitely decrease the amount of like kids who go to college and start fucking binge drinking out of control for like 40 years because they've already been eased into that lifestyle of like drinking yeah i feel like the drinking the like binge drinking culture is a product of the drinking age but i also feel like it's definitely a false narrative that in europe because the drinking age is like 16 or 18 that they're like we no one here is binge drinking no one even gets drunk you guys get fucked up constantly yeah what are you talking about that's like such like a i feel that's like an american idea of europe that they're all like we only have one glass of wine yeah it's like no dude i know p like i know people from europe and they're full on alcoholics.

Yeah. There's like crazy clubs all over the place. Yeah. A French guy dragging his third bottle of wine down the street. Yeah. Like staggering. Yeah. Russians with vodka.

Yeah. Like you think all like Irish people don't binge drink. Yeah. What the fuck are you talking about? Yeah. British people at like a pub. I've gone out. I mean, when I go out with Colm and we went out one time with me and he had two other buddies and they're all from ireland

like like it's two that they still live in ireland oh they're the devil and we dude they drank more than i've ever seen a human being drink and just guinness the whole time like 30 guinnesses each yeah they started early and they're like sober they got a head start yeah yeah so it's like i don't think like and obviously i know know Ireland also has the stereo, like the stereotypical, like, well, they drink a lot, but I think a lot of countries drink a lot. In South Africa, they said that during COVID, they stopped sales of alcohol and they said that it was like the best thing to happen for the country. I'm sure.

Because there were so many hospitalizations and arrests that never happened because people like have such bad alcohol problems out there. Yeah. And there's the domestic things, self-harm, drinking yourself into oblivion. Yeah. That if they just prohibited it, like our brothers in Saudi Arabia. I heard Saudi Arabia might be it, dude. Saudi Arabia might be next up alcohol is completely prohibited yeah but they have but what do they all do they all do fucking

opium and shit i don't think so everyone does they're all doing something everywhere they're doing something there's not just one country where everyone's sober i think in saudi arabia they might all be sober they have free health care so what they're getting oxy is for free no i don't dude everyone's doing drugs somewhere. There's no way they have oxys in Saudi Arabia. Or they're all like mounted to a fucking hookah 24 hours a day. Like it's a fucking breathing mask. I don't think it's Saudi Arabia.

I think that they just love God and like the family unit. That's a drug. Yeah, it is. God is a drug. It's the most powerful drug of all. Best one. Best one around. The body of Christ.

yeah god is a drug it's the most powerful drug of all best one best one around the body of christ there i saw i saw a reel on instagram yesterday of some girl like drinking in florence like dancing in the street with like a bottle of wine and all the comments were like talking about how it's like americans ruining the city and i was like dude they drink everyone drinks you brought your fucking poison your smallpox blanket of alcohol to our country. Now look at us. Yeah. The most drunk I've ever been was in Italy. Really?

Yeah. Throwing up and shitting at the same time. That's when you were 15? I was probably 17. Yeah. Damn. Throwing up into the bidet and shitting, going explosive diarrhea in the toilet.

So. So you have that. Say what you that you want yeah that was the fucking dream yeah and they don't give a shit they will happily serve a borderline on the version of death 16 year old alcohol when i was they're not cutting people off when i was in college my dad asked me to go to italy with him he was like asking me to go like every summer he had like work with some physicists out there in uh they were building a home in sicily yeah dude i used to go to like there was a dude in the movie oppenheimer this dude nicholas fermi or whatever i went to his like my dad just like took me to his lab when i was a kid like really it's like a tourist destination or something like that but i had like a hat from his lab it was so fucking it would have played so hard it was like a big like boxy 90s hat yeah you got to get that back i need to fucking find this i i gotta check when i go home or something i need to talk to my dad about oppenheimer because

these were probably like all his heroes probably his friends mean, I don't know if they're, they made a movie about Oppenheimer. About Bob? Yeah. Our Bob. Yeah. Our Bob. Bob who made the bomb. But,

Adam Bob Bob. Adam Bob Bob. But when I, whenever my dad was saying like, let's go to, come to Sicily with me. I was like, nah,

I want to, I would stay home in the summer. That's like such like a, like like a high school we might have even talked about that on the show before because i don't want to go to fucking italy dad i'm not gonna fucking i want to hang out with my friends this is stupid as fuck i was like finally old enough where he thought i was mature enough to enjoy it and i was like oh you're sorely, yeah. I'm nowhere near mature enough for this. Eventually, I did go out to Italy with him. And it was sweet. We went to... I don't even fucking remember, bro.

We spent some time in Rome, but some time in some other place. Parma. Parma. Parma. Very nice. Where they make the cheese. They hate Americans there? No, bro.

I know you're acting a fool no i was i went to a dinner of like all physicists in like banquet hall style that's crazy what do you guys talk about i was it was like one of my first times drinking in front of my dad i got shit faced yeah cut me off yeah and they were like it was like italian nonas coming around just just shoving food down my throat just with a tennis ball gun shooting meatballs into my mouth just filling me the fuck up

I want to go to Europe I'm going to Denver in September for pleasure I'm going to one of my buddies lives out there most tings per capita did you hear Drake say that? No.

Side talk ask Drake where they had the most tings per capita. And he said Denver. Yeah. That's hilarious. He said Denver. And he was like, Scarborough, man, get on Rulie. That's awesome. It was like the biggest density of tings.

Highest density of tings. Most tings per capita. Most tings per capita? Most tings per square foot. That's so funny. We're going to the woods, so I don't know if there'll be any tings out there. There won't be. Unless you want to call a fucking good old fashioned brown trout a ting. A white-tailed deer.

Yeah. It'll be getting some white tail out there. Yeah. Different type. But dude, the ticket was so cheap. To Denver? Because I just booked it in advance yeah you don't have to do shit at the last minute comfort plus um i would really like to go to i

would really want to go to europe with you yeah that'd be fun as fuck i was looking at this place called grindelwald in sweden very familiar are you very familiar with grindelwald i heard it's a place where time completely stops when you're out there it's like interstellar yeah it slows down it speeds up actually but yeah i guess it does it speeds up for people on earth it slows down for them right all right it's kind of going through an interstellar thing right now just kind of just trying to work through it just one day at a time um how do you know about grindelwald i don't never heard of it in my entire life yeah there's like a comedy podcast bro podcast, bro. Keep up.

There's a Harry Potter. That was the least funny thing you've ever said. I've heard of the town you're talking about. Oh, really? Can we relate on that? But there's a Harry Potter wizard called Grindelwald. Yeah, I thought that that's what the fuck they're talking about. But it's supposed to be this fucking beautiful mountain town in the middle of Sweden.

I feel like we could do some hiking out there. Really just find God. Go in like the early fall. Maybe we go to Germany for Oktoberfest. Very fun. Does that sound fun? That'd be awesome. Yeah.

I don't know if we pay out of pocket and just do the content out there or. Barstow ain't paying for shit for us anymore. Barstow's going to make us pay our way into like they started making us rent the studio to film the podcast they gotta pay a hundred bucks an hour they're they're just docking salaries left and right oh yeah it's fucking brutal red tape slashing through our salaries i know and they make us pay to come to the meetings that they put on our schedule a A lot of meetings. They're adding some good ass bureaucracy in here.

I know. It's very, very corporate. As it should be. And us common men, we're just trying to stay common men. You know what I mean? Yeah. I had to pay to play. You're going to have a strike.

Don't let... Should we stage a walkout? Don't let Portnoy hear you say that dude i know in the oppenheimer like most of the people at that time maybe not most of them but a lot of the intellectuals in the college circles that he was going to were communists i hate communists i could see you having at the time i could see you getting really into communism 100 at the time i could see you being all it takes is one could see you getting really into communism. A hundred percent at the time. I could see you being all it takes is one movie for me to fully form my opinion for the next three months. Yeah.

You would have been, I think, a big just grassroots communist, big local communist. Yeah. Go into the meetings with the acronyms. Yeah. We should all just do this together. I watched Born on the Fourth of July for the first half of the movie. I was like, America's the best country in the world. If you're a communist, you should die.

And then by the end, I was like, the government's fucked. I changed my opinion from the opposite side to the spectrum twice during that movie. Yeah. It's based on whatever Tom Cruise was saying. That shit was happening to me during Oppenheimer too. What? My foot fell asleep. Damn it, brother.

You want me to wake it up? No, but it's one of the bad ones. Stand up a little bit. Hobble around. Let me slap that bitch around a little bit. There's no chance that this table is made of graphite, is it? What are the radiation levels in here? I'm watching Chernobyl right right now it's fucking crazy dude

it seems sick it's awesome dude they were like well it's not awesome but it's interesting and it's well they just make it i watched maybe the first like three or four up actually no i think i watched the whole thing yeah i think it's only like six episodes they but they make it seem very gnarly what's happening to the people stand up or let me at least slap your foot i'll fight through this shit that's not how it works keep going oh looks like pins and needles put your toe towards your knee yeah yeah like that or stomp it out a couple times don't worry about me just keep going all righty let's talk about game time the exclusive ticket partner of barstool sports created by fans for fans game time is ticketing out that makes it easier than ever to score last

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Enter your email and redeem code BOYDAD for $20 off your first purchase. Terms do apply. Sheesh. When I was a little boy, I'd see my dad get dead legs and stuff like that. Yeah. And I'd be like, oh, my God. Yeah. This is embarrassing to be around.

It's the worst feeling. Charlie horse is bad. Hands are the worst. I feel like I wake up every single morning and for the first 30 minutes, I'm just like. Really? Oh, yeah. Every day. It's probably the graphite.

It's probably the graphite. It's also because I sleep on my arm. And the mold. I put my arm like that and I sleep on it. And then I wake up in this hand and it's just like completely numb. That's. You're begging for shoulder and like spine problems. Yeah.

You're begging for the worst. But I really need to get one of those box pillows. Which ones? Two pillows. Which ones are those? You don't ever get the Instagram ads for those things? Is it the ones that you get on the plane where you like suck your own dick you like? Just a massive cube like the cube from transformers

You never seen transformers. Have you the first one? You don't know what the cube is, bro Fucking no, I saw it. So how the hell you know what the cube is? Either you got a big old ad sounds like you just want a 250 gift card though oh yeah yeah kind of yeah i've never seen what you put your head in that that's insane that looks terrible that is not what i was talking about that is nuts but that's the people have those airplanes you like lock your hands in yeah that that's crazy that's that's like an office job thing like they're gonna start they're gonna start dishing those out in offices planes would be good but i tried one on the plane they suck yeah it looks insane yeah i was kidding i'm never actually

gonna buy one of those things the ads always just crack me up i've bought many a type of like weird ass pillow yeah most recent one was like there's, it's like silk on the outside with like two like prongs. Yeah. And it like is in a U shape. It's shaped like a fucking sweet electric guitar or something like that. That's crazy. So dumb.

What the fuck? That's how people, it's for people to sleep on their tummy. It's $200. All right, let's fucking buy them. I actually would rock one of those. It's more than that. Imagine your house getting broken into and you got one of those things on he says more than your mattress that's how much is your mattress i inherited it oh you inherited your mattress hand me down

that's fucking terrible yes we'll just pick one up off the side of the street dude cheap furniture and cheap like it's crazy how far you and like long you'll hold on to cheap furniture if you need to amazon everything dude amazon couch amazon chairs amazon tv otherwise it's the most expensive shit in the world i have an amazon basic toothbrush it's probably this probably works fine it's great probably some tiny hands out in fucking Malaysia made that for you. Yeah, I got Amazon silverware plates. I went and looked at tables yesterday. Like a kitchen table costs $12,000.

No, literally. That's like an outlet. That's because you go to real places. No, I went to an outlet store. It's got to be Amazon everything. That's what I'm saying. You have to go to Amazon. You can get a normal table for like $300. And that's why I went to an outlet store. It's got to be Amazon everything. That's what I'm saying. You have to go to Amazon. You can get a normal table for like 300 bucks.

And that's what I went to the outlet stores. I went to Industry City where like all the outlets are. It was like Francis told me to go here. It's like kitchen concepts or some shit like that. Yeah. It was the most expensive, most ridiculous. It's like a bar stool is like $2,400. Yeah, dude.

You're going to the wrong places. Like that table, this table right here i if me and you both tried to find this table the one that i would get would be thirty dollars the one that you would get would be like like a dude in fucking alaska like chopped down a tree and chiseled it down or they just like lied about it yeah it's like re-sanded one that they picked up off of the street corner yeah and it would be like twenty thousand dollars it's not me that likes it it's women now you like it no i don't love it no yeah you fucking like it dude there's gonna be no going back once you get money you're gonna get money and you're gonna you're

gonna completely there there'll be no like going back to low maintenance sass and that's just coming fast it's not yes it is not coming fast at all i will say i have upgraded to comfort plus that's that's my new thing and you ain't going backwards on that i go back i go back i mean i was in 30 i was in the 38s all in atlanta but comfort plus dude i'm just my legs are too long to be in those tiny ass seats yeah yeah i feel you bro you're you you deserve it and i gotta be in the aisle but I'm in the window both ways in Denver. Dude, the flights to Denver are there's almost all of them were sold out. And it's so far away.

I know. Is there like a convention or some shit happening in Denver? Like in September? In September? I have no fucking idea. Maybe it's just primetime fishing. Or the Broncos. Broncos.

Yo. Broncos nation. Let's ride. Broncos country. What do they say? Let's ride. What do they say? Broncos. Broncos. Yo. Broncos nation. Let's ride. Broncos country. What do they say? Let's ride. What is it? What do they say?

Broncos country. I think that's what Russell Wilson just said in that one stupid fucking video. It is awesome. The Broncos coach has been talking a ton of shit, though. I've heard. You've been talking shit on the Jets. I've heard. On our Jets.

And Aaron Rodgers said, keep my coach's name out of your mouth. People getting defensive about their coach is so funny. Especially when you haven't even played a game on the team yet. That's how I feel when people talk shit about Barstool Comedy. I'm like, keep my GM's name out of your fucking mouth. No one talks shit on my GM. You don't even know. Barstool Comedy has no ceiling.

We will never fail. No one fucking talks shit about my GM. You don't talk shit about my GM. I'm in the comments. Keep my GM's name out of your fucking mouth. That's my GM. That's my quarterback. So funny.

What was with the Saquon deal? I don't know, but I drafted him in my fantasy draft. Me too. You want to get in a fantasy football league together? I'm already in my own. With who? Just by myself. Whatever, I'm going to be in like six leagues, so I'll get in another one with you.

No, I'm just playing by my... I have two teams and I'm competing against them. I was fantasizing yesterday about having Stephen Che and me just have all the teams in a league. Every week me and Stephen Che are playing against each other. That would be awesome. That is the dream. Yeah. You already drafted?

I did one of them just because I couldn't fucking... I couldn't wait. Couldn't wait any longer. I joined like a public league. Straight jittery. I't wait couldn't wait any longer I joined a like a public league I joined a public league on Yahoo I did that twice last year I just wanted to get a draft in I'm like

I'm gonna do a mock draft today probably I did a mock draft before I like my mock way better than I like my yeah my publicly yeah but I got like all the that's usually how it goes my mock is always better my mock ruled I was a fucking genius with the mock but you know I got like all the rookies that's usually how it goes my mock is always better my mock ruled I was a fucking genius with the mock but you know

I got Saquon I got the Adams all the rookies I don't know how hard he's going to be working with only 11 million dollars this year yeah but he's

for that next contract that next year but he could just coast this year he's going to get that 100 million next year regardless he's never getting there's no

running back is never going to get 100 million dollars again you don't hear Yago fucking shaking his head at you? Yago, you don't know ball. Don't try and come in here acting like you know ball. He's a Giants fan, bro.

Yeah, dude, but people, they're always doubting their own team. I mean, I would doubt the Giants, too. They suck ass. Hey, Giants is the future. Hell no.

The Giants are the future of maybe like the XFL or whatever that other league is. Dude, sneakily, the Saints could have a good year this year. Saints are looking nice. Saints are looking good. They just have a weak-ass schedule. I put $20K on the Patriots to win the Super Bowl.

I saw that. People are like, Sass doesn't have money. He put $20K at 30-1. Sass stands to win $600,000. Whatever. I don't even fucking sweat it. Yeah, it's no fucking big deal.

Whatever, who gives a fuck anyway. I wonder what the Patriots odds really are. I don't know. Probably long as hell. I'm usually, I'm more of, I like to wait until preseason is like a little bit, like halfway through until I start putting down my futures. Probably long as fucking sassas legs and fucking comfort plus i know i also i got the good comfort plus the one that's up that's up front because that's that's the real comfort plus what do you mean comfort plus up front dude that's when you got the fucking wall in front of you yeah i don't

like that wall i love the wall because i don't i don't watch tv on planes i watch tv i just listen to music you do yeah what the hell window and hell? Look out the window. And think? Well, I'm always on edge, especially if I'm in the exit row. You got to be focused. You got to be planning for the worst at all times. Wake up! Yeah. Thud-a-thud-a-thud-a-thud-a-bang up!

Didn't need another cup of joe over here. Getting a little sleepy. And we're coming up on some turbulence. Got to be prepared for the worst at all times. Yeah. I like to get up in the middle of the flight and go, okay, you weren't listening before your seat cushion does double down as a life vest you refresh people yeah when the oxygen masks drop please put yours on first and then get the little ones next a seatbelt safety is our priority i get real focused i know you do i fucking know you do dude i was supposed to go

out to california at the end of this week i was excited i was about to rack up miles and now my fucking trips are getting compounded it's pissing me off dude i need to schedule a bunch of travel that's why i'm trying to go to grindelwald sweden if you think you're hitting diamond i got bad news for you you'd be lucky if you get silver i bet i i bet i hit it you'd be lucky if you think you're hitting diamond, I got bad news for you. You'd be lucky if you get silver. I bet I hit it. You'd be lucky if you get silver next year. Bet I hit it. No. Not even a chance.

I bet I do. I'm pretty much already at silver. Locked in. I need my bennies. You're not going to get diamond? I need my fucking bennies. You need like 100,000 more miles until you get diamond? Fuck off, dude.

And we are. I mean, we're coming up close on that deadline no we're not yeah what do we got five more months shut the fuck up i would be nervous august september october november december fuck five more months fuck and i already oh man whatever that's just it's always on the back of my mind it's always floating right there in my mind dude i had people i had a guy come and fucking hang up my uh my tvs and i was just like tweeting some casual jokes about it yeah i saw that was funny people but now people were like you're not hanging your own tvs yeah no one hangs their own tvs dude how am i about to hang a 75 inch tv

i don't even hang up my tvs i just lean them against the wall yeah what people are like the fuck is mounting their own tvs i'm sure so tired of fucking the any response i get on twitter to like the most obvious joke yeah it's like i try to tip these guys in in like instagram captions or something like that. People are like, you're the worst type of human being. Yeah. I think a lot of shit

is making its way into the algorithm of people that don't follow you and don't know that you're joking. A lot of people were following me. It's like people are just the smoothest, dumbest brains. I had to pay this much

for a fucking ice cream. Like, well, why don't you get the fuck out of the country then? Yeah. What the fuck is happening? It's a very hostile time to be an American. What the fuck is happening right right now we're on the verge of another civil war

strictly from twitter who against who though i think it's going to be i think it's going to be multiple different groups the next civil war will be fought with rocks man yeah i don't know how they're going to fight world war three but i probably my beretta rocks your beretta yeah your girl gun beretta's not a girl gun berettas are like this big berettas is what the united states military used to use brother berettas are literally they were marketed for women no they were not 100 they were marketed for for soldiers no yeah women soldiers the beretta yeah there's a why is it red that's not what that's a louboutin that's insane that's a red Beretta. Ew, why is it red? That's not what the first Beretta looks like. That's insane.

That's a Christian Louboutin, bro. That is not what a Beretta looks like. Berettas are a literal... You couldn't even buy that red Beretta if you wanted to. It looks like it. Yeah, the Beretta by the big boots. What does the military use now for pistols? Glocks?

Desert Eagles. They do not use Desert Eagles. But that's not a pistol. The U.S. they do not use desert eagles but that's not a that's not a pistol u.s military does not use desert eagles why not because that's not that's like a fucking hand cannon dude no one's using that shit a desert use that in call of duty strictly maybe i'm misunderstanding what a desert eagle you're talking like a guy who's never been in close combat close Close quarters combat. You gotta be ready to like no kick.

Why would it be called a desert eagle? Desert eagle is like... That's a desert eagle. I guess it is a handy. Yeah, hand cannon, bro. I'm more of a 500 magnum guy. Revolver. Is desert eagle better than Gck yeah I mean I'm sure a desert eagle

would blow your head off desert eagle is very heavy but it can fire much more powerful rounds yeah dude that's not accuracy I'm talking about killing a human being you're not killing a fucking bear what's the difference man I don't have time for this bullshit right now

you don't fucking know i don't got time for this with your little girl guns desert eagle is like the go-to sidearm in call of duty everyone's rocking a desert eagle you would not be rocking a desert eagle in close quarters combat and that's a promise what kind of close quarters combat military military or in the streets if you're getting pulled up on by like six terrorists you want to have i mean usually me i would go m16 primary secondary i would probably go with a 10 millimeter glock or beretta i guess if they're if that's what they're still supplying you got to be thinking about jams you got to be thinking about reload time what's the fastest reload for you you? No, for you. Or for me?

For a quick reloader. For a trained professional? For a trained pro. Yeah, not my dumb ass. Block nine. Easy. Really? Yeah.

Mook, how fast was I reloading those things? He was too fast. Too fast? Yeah. I would have Mook reload magazines for me. I'd go, Mook! Magazine! I needed more bags

i got a jam have you seen the tiktok videos of the dudes like at war from like the iraqi war or whatever like clearing rooftops and shit like that no um i used to see the ones when i had tiktok of the ukraine war yeah yeah the iraqi war like some of the dudes that are just like up on roofs like clearing roofs like their uniforms are baggy on them they like don't bend at the waist like they're clearly just like thrown into the war oh yeah like these are just like they're not like tactically moving through like you expect like i've seen dudes in movies move more like tactical than these like random ass dudes moving around on roofs. But that's how we were giving it up. Yeah.

Must have been a fucking sweet time. Yeah. Also, they say, I forget where, someone, they were saying somewhere that, like, the problem with, like, the terrorists, or I guess, I don't know if terrorism is as big as it was. Terrorism's dead, bro. That's just old anyway. It's old news, but I think it was, it was like with al-qaeda it was those guys they were fighting because they they were they had so much passion they believed so much in what they were doing and also the more that they would get killed the more people would enroll that's why

after 9-11 you think you would have signed up after 9-11? Hell no. If you were of age? No. You wouldn't have been like galvanized by the country? There's podcasts to be recorded, brother. This was before podcasts. This is 2001. Imagine that you were like 18 or like 20 years old in 2001. No.

You wouldn't have enlisted? No. Why? Because I don't want to go to the fucking war. But you don't want to defend your country? You weren't even defending our country. We were defending a country that had nothing to do with fucking 9-11 to steal their oil. You wouldn't have wanted to.

Do some research, bro. You wouldn't have wanted to kill Bin Laden? No. They weren't even trying to kill Bin Laden in the beginning. They were trying to kill Saddam Hussein. I know. So fucked up. They were like, yeah, we're going to kill saddam hussein so fucked up they were like yeah we're gonna make this about saddam like yeah we gotta kill the afghanis and bin laden dude in the looming

tower in the background yeah and hussein yeah dude in the looming tower they were like they like 9-11 happens and they're pretty much like yeah like clearly this is so someone bin laden and they were like like no no we want to make this about Saddam Hussein. Like, it's like they straight up said that. And I mean, I'm sure it was different in real life. But in the show, they said that they. Yeah, I feel like they can just go to they go to war with whoever they want to. Yeah, they'll just be like, yeah, there's actually aliens also going to war with Saddam Hussein.

That's why I wonder why they announced the aliens last week. I wonder what they're covering up. Something bad. Yeah, something crazy is about to happen. That fucking psyop that they're hitting us with yeah i don't know the aliens thing was interesting i don't i didn't listen to it did you i saw clips of it and that was over him so so fast i just need i need the hard proof if like you're gonna be like if you're gonna be saying there's aliens give us like one picture of an alien right so you can like know what to look for and the guy was even like i can't say i can't even tell you how crazy it was the shit that me and my wife saw it sounds like you were at like

hedonism too got blacked out on rum on like a hot day and like stumbled out of your like swingers party and like saw like the headlights of a car or some shit like that like the shit that i saw fucking it was violent all right then take a picture of it so only one dude saw it they're saying that multiple people i genuinely don't know anything about it i think multiple people testified and uh with testimony from like a lot of military guys so they said that they're that the ufos are real and they said that aliens are real yeah and they confirmed that yeah that's crazy and that only five percent of them are reported or yeah i know that's so funny some stupid shit i saw that part how do they even know that i don't know how

do they know what's not being reported because they're not aliens yeah they're mexican dudes yeah fucking amen i don't know it's interesting i would like to i'd like to see an alien for sure like maybe we get some put them in a zoo or something yeah that would be fucking crazy i hope they're free that'll exist aliens and zoos yeah it's way more likely that they put us in zoos you think if they can get here but why i i it's all the all the idea that we have of aliens is all fiction totally It's way more likely that they put us in zoos. You think? If they can get here. But why? It's all the idea that we have of aliens is all fiction. Totally. Why would they?

We don't know if they're going to come here and be like, we're going to destroy the entire planet. Why would they want to do that? Because that's what we've done. So they'd probably let them destroy it. I think that. Well, but if like. I doubt they need the same resources as us. I feel like any cell wants to like dominate, stay alive as possible and eliminate potential predators. On Earth.

Any cell on Earth. Any cell, period. Nice as hell. Well, what makes you think that they'd be like nice? I don't know. You hope that they would. Maybe they're made of different cells than everything on Earth is. But like they still would want to stay alive like they still have shown if they're like coming here they've shown the instinct to stay alive

maybe they don't fear god ever think about that maybe they need to sit down and go to hillsong yeah go to justin bieber's church a man who a man who does not fear allah will never truly die holy shit isn't that a quote right didn't I say that a couple episodes ago trying to remember I've kind of moved on from my from my Arabic phase way more into space a man who fears God

will never die sass Muhammad not to say the Allah sorry Muhammad I guess the prophet

Allah is the God so I guess they all said it the prophet Muhammad can we say him can we say his name the prophet Muhammad yeah I guess the prophet, Allah is the God. So I guess they all said it. The prophet Muhammad. Can we say his name? The prophet Muhammad? Yeah, I guess we could say his name. Why would we not be able to? My door guy, my old building was named Muhammad.

When we told him that we were leaving, he cried. Really? Yeah. He loves us so much. That sucks. He's like, are you starting a business? Can I come work for you? Really?

Yeah. Damn. I was like, damn, sorry I don't have a business like that. Yeah, that's awesome. I got no one. Really? I got no one in my apartment that I'm attached to. Yeah, you could just leave.

I could just leave. No one would have any idea. My neighbors below me smoke weed and it comes up into my apartment and it pisses me off. It comes into your apartment? It just alts. It goes up. Oh, the weed does? Yeah.

And they've been, they're like, whoever it is is like a musician and they've been singing the same song every single day for probably months now now what how's it go i don't know you think they're trying to write something it's not even like a song it's like a tune maybe they're writing something i don't know they're pretty good yeah yeah what kind of music but i still stomp real loud you stomp to the beat no i stomp like shut the fuck up yeah yeah no i don't stomp play play a trumpet at them yeah leaning into the ground yeah i did that in that movie tar tar about that woman uh director it's actually a fire movie have i seen that it was nominated for an oscar last year oh yeah i haven't seen that have i sounds very familiar it's about a fire movie. Have I seen that? It was nominated for an Oscar last year. Oh, yeah.

I haven't seen that. Have I? Sounds very familiar. It's about a predatory lesbian. A lesbian that always fucks the women underneath her. It's like Harvey Weinstein, but for Subaru owners. Yeah. That type of vibe.

I love a good Subaru, bro. You know me. Subaru Impreza. Dream car. I know. And that's what makes you think that you do well in the in the community lesbian community yeah yeah definitely i'll roll with a pack of lesbians yeah yeah i'm trying to add a wheelchair guy yeah you're trying

to add a wheelchair i'm trying to add a lesbian that would make our crew so complete we would be a wild crew yeah two straight white dudes a lesbian and a wheelchair guy uh and i need like short haired lesbian yeah flannel shirt someone who's looking to get like in the mud for us like a lesbian that's gonna hit like 700 in the softball yeah yeah just like fucking like that's like a vacuum at third base just like getting dirty and 100 like that that dips i need a lesbian that's like spitting yeah fucking like we need to we should put on an application like we're looking for a lesbian who is willing to get in the mud someone who's looking to crack skulls like they're they're they're fine with cracking skulls and we'll bail them out every time and then we'll put

up the bond and uh greer said that he has a wheelchair guy for me. Really? Yeah. Well, we'll have to do like a screening, of course. Yeah. And his profile looked good, except for he was lifting weights in the one thing and he was using a Smith machine. Yeah. We don't need a jacked wheelchair guy. We need a very fragile wheelchair guy.

I was like, bro, hit a freeway. Yeah. Yeah. Come on. Smith machine. Huh? We have an intern that's in a wheelchair. Like permanently or? Yeah, that's Greer's guy. That's Greer's guy. Yeah. That's who I'm talking about. He was using a Smith machine. Huh? We have an intern that's in a wheelchair. Like permanently or?

Yeah, that's Greer's guy. That's Greer's guy. Yeah, that's who I'm talking about. He was using the Smith machine. His golf shot looked great, but I mean, like, come on, bro. Smith machine. And we're also going to need some sort of proof that it's a permanent thing. Oh.

I don't want a guy who like broke his leg. A Francis wheelchair incident. I just got diagnosed with wheelchair. Yeah. I could show you a picture of him. He is. But he looks like he and Greer said he texts him every morning with positivity. Yeah.

Which is what I'm looking for out of my wheelchair guy. Oh, he's taking cold showers. He's about to do an Alcatraz swim? He seems a little too motivated for our crew. 40 degree water, he's getting lowered in. He'd be the most active out of anybody in the crew. That's it? Here, I got to show him lifting weights.

Yeah, bro, did you see his Smith machine, though? In good form. He's repping it, too, which makes you think he could go up in range. That's like a lot of weight. Fuck. How much weight was that? I think he's flat benching 450. How many 45s were on that?

Looks like two. How much is two 45s were on that? It looks like two. How much is two 45s? $90. $90 on each side. On $245, $225. And then there was a $25. $25, yeah. $225.

$275. So yeah, he was flapping $225. But $275 on the Smith. And he was repping that out. Yeah, he's a all right so that's what i mean i feel like he would be good if we get him in the crew we may we could get go for a more of a frail lesbian for sure no because he's gonna he's looking like he's definitely get a little willing to get in the mud no frail lesbians have the wrong sensibilities i want

someone that can like eat a burger within one minute yeah like someone that's like drinks a lot of milk yeah chugs milk bel, slaps you on the back. Like makes fun of you for reading the newspaper. Like hates Bud Light, even though she's gay. Yeah. Hates it. That shit. She's not like other lesbians.

Yeah. Is kind of what I want. Not your typical lesbian. Like someone with like 90s sideburns like Vince Vaughn or some shit like that. Like fucking just long nasty ones i feel like that's like if girls can have a gay best friend where's the market for these lesbians yeah wanting to hang out with bros like us do you think they want to uh no damn bro it's hard out here for a straight straight white. It's never been harder.

That might be true. Is that true? Is that true? I'm trying to think of a harder time in history for a straight white male. It's the hardest it's ever been for me, that's for sure. And you're as straight and as white as they come. Fucking Huntsville in Ontario.

Please buy tickets for my boy in Philly. People don't know what I've been going through. Please get tickets in Philly. Squeeze out of the yak. Squeeze out of the yak. Squeeze out of the Yak. You couldn't make it to Drag Brunch. Can't go to Drag Brunch. In Huntsville.

They definitely blew up the building when they got everyone inside that Drag Brunch. No, they were like, dude, they were like, it sells out every single week. People travel for that. Yeah. Hours. Yeah. It's like a huge thing they drag their ass

into the city every comedy club is doing drag brunches now it's huge Philly Helium does them right yeah it plays I mean

I think it's just like a fun ass it is fun I used to I went to drag shit on like South Beach or whatever like a drag brunch

on South Beach did you perform? yeah nah I didn't perform I don't want to steal valor like that. KOTD. It's fun.

It's fun to go with like women. Women love it. And anything that women love. I'm like dudes love it. Yeah. Well, the dudes love it, love it. But the women, they just want to go like, woo! Yeah.

And like wear a pink cowboy hat. Yeah. All the girls who went to the Barbie movie dressed up were just wearing their outfits from Drag Brunch. Yeah, everyone's been walking around in pink. Yeah. I saw a girl go in with a pink Beretta. Really?

To shoot up the theater. Pink Beretta? She's like a cute, a cute mass shooter. That was like in reality, that movie where she has the pink ar-15 i don't think i saw it bro you've seen it you actually told me about it reality oh reality winner sydney sweeney yeah yeah yeah do you have any guns i have a pink ar-15 that movie was actually i thought that movie was good you said you didn't like it i don't i don't

like i don't like how sequential it was. Like the fact that they did a direct transcript made it feel like a play. And I fucking hate plays. In all sorts of text messages right now that I don't. My agent just texted me and said, do you play video games? I don't even know what that could possibly be about. But how does he know so little about you? You know, he's probably joking, but I don't know what what that could possibly be about. But how does he know so little about you? No, he's probably joking, but I don't know what it could be about.

He's not joking. No, he jokes. We laugh, we kid. So what's the punchline of that joke? I don't know. I'm sure it's going to go somewhere. He's probably working on it right now. He's book drafting it.

You're in the new map. Yeah. Sass. 82 rating this is bullshit we just booked madden you got the bills no call of duty that would be my dream come true they put me in the campaign like kevin spacey i got the sass skin have you ever seen kevin spacey in the call of duty no yeah there's a there's a little boys school up here. What does he say? Yeah. Nuh-uh.

He says there's a boys school up the way here. And do you get to kill him? That's like the only part of the movie that he's in. Do you get to kill him? Kevin Spacey? Yeah. No, he's an ally. Why the hell is he talking about little boys schools?

Wasn't he like... Yeah, he's a little boy molester. What the fuck? Look up the boys school. I don't think he says little boys. I think it's yeah he's a little boy molester what the fuck look up the little look up the boys school i don't think he says little boys i think it's just there's a boys school there's a boys school up the way here ask them how they peel their bananas ask them how they peel their bananas i don't even know what that could mean i just said it that's what that's what he said to marty mush he said to marty Mush? He asked Marty Mush how he peels his banana. At like the crafty table when they were working on a show together.

Marty Mush and Kevin Spacey were working on a show together? Yeah. Mush was an extra, yeah. Mush was an extra at like the crafty table and Kevin Spacey came up to him and asked him how he peeled his bananas. What the fuck? Exactly. And you're celebrating this man just because he was in your precious video game. I'm not celebrating him.

I'm saying it's funny that he was in it saying that because then it turned out that he was a child molester. Tell your agent that, dude. Yeah, I will. No, I don't really fuck with the video game industry. Ever since Kevin Spacey. Ever since Kevin Spacey was fucking molesting Marty Mush. I'm going to find the clip. Ever since Kevin Spacey was fucking molesting Marty Mush.

I'm going to find the clip. Kevin Spacey. Boys school. Call of Duty. Mook with the Alexander Charles sweatshirt. Light work. Oh shit, he's in a lot of it. He's got 25 minutes.

Yeah, that sucks. Maybe this was a meme. Maybe I got duped here. There's a boys school up the road. I want you to suck off these boys bananas. You would have did it too. You'll do anything they say in a campaign of a video game.

100% Your next mission is to find this all boys game. Oh yeah, it's this. There's a great junior high just up the road here. That might be fake though.

I hope so. That was his like one clause is he can write his lines. Yeah. Alright, let's see if he says it. Let's see if he actually says it.

It's just a video of a hippopotamus farting. I don't know why that's in the beginning of the video. So the whole first 10 seconds is just a hippopotamus farting. And then it goes to Kevin Spacey. What you're seeing is advanced warfare. Oh, okay. Looks like we got duped again can't fucking win these days can you it's never been harder to be a straight white male i know it's bullshit even even the the predators get more respect than us i know even the predators don't wind up in jail it's fucked it's bullshit

this whole country's fucked ice Ice cream for $14? I don't know what people expected me to do about the $14 ice cream. Bro, you're living in a luxury life and you're surprised by the price. I'm allowed to bitch about it. You gotta fucking reevaluate. I can't bitch about it? Tables are $12,000. Not to the cut guys.

I know not all of us are common men here. I'm talking to the listener right now. We still got one common man on the show and in barstool. $12,000 for a table is not normal, brother. $15 for an ice cream cone is not normal. I went up to get the ice cream. I was in a pinch. You're living in an apartment complex with two apartments in it.

That's when you have half the building. No. Yeah. There's four apartments. You got your own floor yeah yeah dude that's that's not common i don't have my own floor the fuck are you talking about i went up to the ice cream truck and the prices weren't listed the guy in front of me got his milkshake and they were like how much was that three hundred fifteen dollars and i laughed at him too i was like you hear this guy this guy got charged 15 like that could never happen to me it was a good looking ice cream cone it was big no it wasn't it was fucking tiny they should have

fucking stacked that shit sky high and the guy like laughed at us as we like walked away paying for it 15 for an ice cream cone a dude like like a gallon of ice cream costs like $8. And this is soft serve ice cream. Yeah. Like you could buy an ice cream truck for $15. $15? That's like a sprinkle of powder and like a fucking sprinkle of like condensed milk. Yeah.

And then a gallon of water. And that's all it took to make that ice cream. $15? I walked by an ice cream truck the other day. I don't think any truck on earth gives off as I walked by an ice cream truck the other day. I don't think any truck on earth gives off as much exhaust as an ice cream truck. I know. Because it has like, there's a whole fucking restaurant in there.

And they got to keep everything cold and keep the AC on. God forbid they're making milkshakes inside of there. They have a whole milkshake machine, two swirly soft serve machines. Shit is fucked. Have you ever walked by like the bar mitzvah tank?

Yeah, I don't even know what that could possibly be. It's literally this big ass truck. It's called That's what Hitler called the gas chambers. The bar mitzvah tank?

Yeah, no, there's jokes to be had. It's a big fucking like truck blaring like bar mitzvah music. It's called the mitzvah tank. Oh, it's like one of those

like Nashville Yeah, something like that. Party trucks. It's like a party bus for a bar mitzvah. It's right outside the art, like Washington. Washington Square Park. People go crazy for bar mitzvahs. It's crazy.

You should get a bar mitzvah tank. Do an episode from one. I would. Actually, you're going to have to get us in there. Yeah, I know. I feel like you. What was your bar mitzvah like? That's a serious question. I didn't have a bar mitzvah like? That's a serious question.

I didn't have a bar mitzvah. Why? Because I'm not Jewish, dude. You're half Jewish. I'm half Jewish because my dad's Jewish. Okay, so you couldn't have a bar mitzvah? No, I was raised Catholic. But you also are Jewish.

You know this. Ethnically, I am part Jewish. Yes. Religiously. Religiously. I praise one God allah allah but uh no no yeah god is good god's not good i know how you're saying it though you're saying it in a way that just disrespects no i'm not no i'm not i'm saying it as and i get i now get what

they say in a tense situation, why you want to say God is good. Because if you get thrown into heaven, you want the last thing that you're saying to have been like praising God. Mine would be like, do da. That's all I know. Do da. Yeah.

That's all I know in Arabic. What the fuck is do da? It's a Kylie Minogue song. First thing that you learn on Duolingo. Do da. Do da.olingo. Doodah. Doodah. Doodah. Doodah.

Doodah. Doodah. I know that's how it goes. All right. Come see Sass. Come see Sass in fucking Pennsylvania. Philly. You know I love it.

Philly, stand up. Philly, you know I fucking love you. Oh, you gotta love it. It's gonna be like Gilly Fest all over again. I'm gonna be posting a bunch of like Meek Mill on my stories this week. Yeah. New shit. Damn, this new shit's crazy.

Dreams and nightmares. Did you see him come out at Gilly Fest? This shit new? Yeah, I did. It was awesome. Yeah, it was. Yeah. Did you see Gilly?

Gilly was zoning out on stage and Meek smacked him and scared the fuck out of him. No. So many people came out at Gilly Fest. Yeah, it was packed. Sexy red. Yeah, it was huge. DaBaby. DaBaby looks like he's bulking right now. Because he's still muscular. Once he cuts, dude, he's

going to be shredded. I know. Well, he's probably waiting until next summer. He's probably doing a dirty bulk for 18 months. A full, yeah, that's a good move. 18 months of a dirty bulk. 18 months dirty bulk. And just getting him out of the system. What did he say? he's like like i don't care if you guys have aids but just like do that shit in the parking lot something weird like that don't bring that into the show and then elton john spoke out against him did he yeah that's hilarious that's gotta hurt

elton john coming at you elton john comes you, he's like the best musician ever. Behind DaBaby. Behind DaBaby, yeah, it's true. I don't know how to dance with Lean. Elton John is so good. He is really good. When we were doing that Sporkle, dude, Elton John's like top five highest selling artists of all time, I think. For album sales or live?

Album sales. He crushes it live, too. Yeah. He was the original gay man yeah original closeted gay man too rocket man not the man they think i am is that what he's talking about he says i'm not the i'm not the man they think i am at all i'm a rocket man well yeah i'm not a pussy guy i'm more of a rocket guy cock i like something shaped exactly like a rocket yeah and he's like living on mars he's living in a different world because he's got a hide who is same thing with frank ocean mars is not the

kind of place to raise a kid in fact it's cold as hell well he and he's talking about gay marriage i don't know what he's talking about on that part to be honest i just i had i think it's about being gay right it's about being a closeted gay man i think same thing with frank ocean he's like i got a fighter jet i don't get to fly and no lion i think that's about being famous and not being able to use your fame to fuck dudes yeah which that's the that's the nightmare that is the nightmare being famous as fuck and not getting to fuck all the dudes you want i know it's like every sad song written by a dude not every sad song but there's a bunch talking about another dude people like blaring it like oh they're having gay sex oh yeah like

dhl dude by frank ocean that song was so good and i'd be walking around town being like what does he say he's like boy toy ride me like a uber and i'm like i'm walking around town just like bumping that in my headphones be like this shit is so good it's like my guy me like a uber and i'm like i'm walking around town just like bumping that in my headphones be like this shit is so good it's like my guy pretty like a girl yeah yeah my guy pretty like a girl yeah frank ocean's good he's awesome but once he came out as bisexual i like i made it in my head i was like every lyric is about dick and it is like i'm biking i'm biking i mean if you listen oh. He's riding a bike. Yeah.

You know how you act when you ride a bike? Yeah. That's just him getting plowed from behind. It is. That's what I think a lot of the lyrics are about. Gotta all be right. Yeah. I'm biking, I'm biking.

Yeah. So what does pink mean? What do you mean? She's a lesbian. Huh? I said, pink's a lesbian. I think that plays. I don't know.

Damn. All right. All right. See you guys next week.