Son of a Boy Dad - New Stu Mobbin | Son of a Boy Dad #168

Episode Date: January 24, 2024

New Stu Mobbin | Son of a Boy Dad #168 -- Follow us on our socials: https://linktr.ee/sonofaboydad -- Merch: https://store.barstoolsports.com/collections/son-of-a-boy-dad -- SUBSCRIBE TO THE YOUTUBE #SonOfABoyDad #BarstoolSportsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, Son of a Boy Dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. All right. Sounds good. Are we good? Alrighty. Welcome back to the Son of a Boy Dad podcast.

Look at us. Live from HQ3 in our new fancy studio. They already took away our table privileges because of our nasty feet last night. I didn't even realize we don't have a table. That sounds a little bit hot on the mic, to be honest, in my headphones. But maybe that's just a me problem.

Sounds like a you problem. Oh, fuck. It's the look. I'll be honest in my headphones but maybe that's just a me problem but yeah sounds like a you problem oh fuck but yeah they took away our table immediately we lost our table privileges but we were I mean we didn't know

that it was just oh it looks like Diego took our table yeah what the fuck Diego come on man someone had to use the piano I always thought they brought the piano in for you, Francis. I saw that and I thought, what are you expecting of me?

It would be cool. Play us a song, piano man. Here's something that just happened. Sass and I confronted Dave, didn't confront him. We consulted him. Consulted him. I had a question about son of a boy dad and dave looked at me and he goes what are you doing with them yeah that did happen he had no idea that i have been a part of this show for a bit which is shocking because usually he's like a big listener that's right that makes me think he's probably catching up on the old the classics he's running back to his right

now deep in the library. And it was too bad for me because I was very much planning on pointing to my inclusion in this show as a reason for... A precipitous raise. Not even a raise. Just keeping me here, keeping me on. A precipitous non-fire. And stuff to point to a credit when he's not aware that you have it. The only way to negotiate is to be able to list things you do until he's like, all right, stop talking. And so you having this as one of your things that you list.

I would have to talk real slow. You'd have to spell it out. You'd have to spell it out in Morse code. I'm not sure if you're aware, but our show is. Dot dash, dot, dot, dot dot dot, dot dot dash. Yeah, that would be tough. Yeah, it's fucking tons of laughs. That's jokes.

So what did Portnoy say? He almost didn't believe me. Almost was ready to tell me, don't do that. It was a look of shock in his eye when we both approached him. Mostly, I feel like it was mostly coming from me being in the conversation as well he was looking at you he's like hey francis and then i said to sass i said to sass i was like we should talk we should ask dave this question and sass was like ah yeah i don't know why you're scared to talk to him again like you're locked in with your contract and uh we're just guys. We don't like to bash heads too often.

You mean talk? We like to, we like to talk to each other like once every couple of years. Bashing heads sounds like chimpanzees making out like that. You're not fucking bad. You're, you're just fucking talking to each other. You signed your contract.

It's fucking bare minimum. That's the two words in the contract. Truth. Bare minimum. Yeah. Signed. Sealed. Sealed. Delivered. words in the contract. Truth. Bare minimum. Yeah. Signed. Sealed. Sealed. Delivered. I went to the doctor today.

For the first time in years. Holy fuck. That's pretty weak. What's weak about that? I don't know. I'm just trying to do to you what you do to me. Which is that you start telling a story and then you immediately call it gay. Alright, wait. But listen. This was crazy. So I get to so i i actually went to the

doctor before francis i've been to the doctor tell us about it expand on that and then let's not circle back so i went to the doctor i checked in doctor what were they checking your asshole no for calm they checked every single part of my body they didn't check my nuts though which i was worried that they were going to do and then also i had to pee in a cup and I couldn't pee. And then I came out and I was like, guys, I came in hot. I was planning it out in the bathroom, what I was going to say. And I was going to be like, I just haven't drank any water. I came in and I was just like, I can't go.

That was the first thing that I said. I said, I can't go. There's nothing in me. And the guy was like, oh, there's water over there. And then I drank three big glasses of water and then went back into the bathroom and just still couldn't pee. And then I, and they're like, you can come back another time to pee. And I was like, that's never going to happen. But I got all the blood work and stuff done. But so I, I, I walk in and there's two ladies sitting like behind the desk. And then I'm like, hi, I'm here. I'm checking

in for an appointment and they're like oh talk to the uh to the person right here and they point at this massive screen like probably bigger than that and it's just a person on well that one's not very big it is when you're in a doctor's appointment and it's just right there so i had to stand next to the tv and talk to a lady over zoom even though there was two people in person there. Yes, because dude, they've been outsourcing the shit. No, wait, I took a picture of it. Was she the head honcho?

Dude, it was just really weird and uncomfortable. Look at this. It was the doctor or like a- This was the secretary. Yes, they've been- Is she in Korea? Is she Korean? Is she Asian?

I don't know. I had to stand there and talk to her. That screen's not bigger than that one. While there was two people in person there just doing nothing. They were just passing her off to the robot lady. Telehealth. Telehealth. Is that what it is?

Well, telehealth was when you would not even go in at all. It's bizarre to take a telehealth appointment from within the doctor's office. Oh, that wasn't where my whole appointment was. It's like going to a telehealth appointment from within the doctor's office. Oh, I didn't. That wasn't where my whole appointment was. It's like going to the airport to play like a flight simulator game. That wasn't the, I didn't do the whole appointment sitting there. That would be crazy. A disc tray just like shoots out for you to put your balls on. Cough. Is that, that was a real thing? Telehealth?

Yeah. That's what happened in covid everything was telehealth you were having like doctor's appointments on zoom and stuff yeah sending in your symptoms whatever that would be nuts no i didn't have to do that i had to get an ekg though which i'd never done yeah very easy easy i expected it to be like a long process the longest process has been to put the stickers on you what What stickers? The things that are connected to the wires. Yeah. You ever had one of those?

The pads or whatever. Yeah, yeah. Well, I don't know why you said it's like them running tests on you was easy. You expected it to be hard? Yeah. In EKG, I mean, I've seen photos of them. I imagine that would be like a two-hour process. It was three seconds.

So what was it? They just put some pads on you and it measured your heart rate or some shit something like that yeah things have come a long way since the last time you went to the doctor seems that way yeah well it kind of made me realize how little my doctor was doing because i didn't do we didn't we did a lot more stuff than my doctor did my physicals when i was a kid would just be like weigh yourself and look in your ears and this was like i had to get blood drawn i had to piss ekg they were telling me i might have to go on cholesterol medicine though at a young age i'm on that uh statins i don't know what it is i'm on a statin you're gonna be on a that's what they'll put you on i i don't have high cholesterol at

least they don't know yet it's just because of my family history you definitely do yeah fam I also have a little bit high cholesterol if I do say so myself what if the boys all of us just on statins statin island

right here that would be huge yeah just chopping up some fat lines of statins and fucking getting absolutely twisted that would be huge

I like my statin it makes me feel better about eating red meat really they said that it was one of the best medical inventions of the last 40 years. I could see that. And that it is such an effective medication that they should put it in the water.

Really? Yeah, which sounded a little 1984. Yeah, that seems a little... Yeah, they said that about fluoride and microplastics too. And suddenly we eat a credit card with every meal. Yeah, I like my water without statin thank you i think that uh i wouldn't hate it i'm gonna take it regardless yeah joe rogan was talking about uh anthony bourdain saying that he needed a statin and rogan was like you don't fucking need that like just train brazilian jiu-jitsu and he said it

completely changed bourdain's life and his body and he never needed the statin. So maybe you just need to train BJJ, bro. I don't know if Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu is sort of the... Catch-all for cholesterol. Yeah, I don't know if it's the panacea for... You fight it away. For high cholesterol.

You choke out the cholesterol. Rear naked choke it out of your body. Triple bypass or Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. What they're going to tell you, the way sasquatch is that your cholesterol is borderline troublesome but that rather the issue is you have this sticky lipid protein that's what they're going to tell you and that that is not going to be what you can't no matter what you do that's not going to change okay and so the statin will help prevent that from sticking all the fatty foods and stuff, red meats.

Yeah. Last time I went to a doctor, they said like, well, we'll assess it when you come back. But you might have to go on a statin or something like that because it's like dangerously high or whatever. I just didn't go back. I just never dug back into it. I stopped smoking weed. Well, I'm hoping that none of these happen. Eat more eggs now.

You think that's going to happen to me? I'm pretty young. Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter? Also, the younger you start, the later you can quit. True. Do you ever quit?

I just said something that sounded correct. Trying to get off statin right now. I wanted to find a way to land the plane. You play like methadone?

You get off of it? Jersey Jerry used to be on statin. Yeah. He was in fucking dumpster diving satin in phoenix sucking cock for statin i'm trying to get off these statins it's fucking ruining my life does it have any effect like mentally or anything don't they say there's some like uh the body pain it can be a side effect achiness overall especially after you lift weights so you're in

no risk i would dude i lifted yesterday i was actually yesterday was a scary gym session i was worried about what i was doing to my body because i've never thrown around the iron like that that aggressive i haven't thrown i haven't thrown the iron around like that in so long what were you doing everything full body my whole body sore right now tell us the whole circuit and the way especially my ass my ass is fucking screaming right now damn yeah you busting it open for some statins yeah i did uh i did squats i did deadlifts are you doing squats under a full bar just free bar squat right i did uh i did leg presses and i did dumbbell deadlifts so i did not I did dumbbell deadlifts. So I did not do squats or deadlifts.

Just lying. For no benefit and to only correct yourself. It's easier to be like, well, I'd rather be like, yeah, I did squats than be like, I did the leg press. Yeah, but you like the leg press because you can sit down, basically. No, I'm just doing... You can be on your phone. You can play, basically. No, I'm just doing it on your phone. You can play video games. No, I'm currently doing like a workout to get back into lifting. And that's like what the recommendation was.

Oh. Okay, what was the load like? Heavy. 225? I had to throw like dumbbells and plates on top of the leg press to get it heavier. Just have two little girls hanging on the side. Wait a minute. You put more weight on top of the leg press to get it heavier. You just have two little girls hanging on the side. Wait a minute. You put more weight on top of it to make it heavier?

I was using not one of the real leg presses, one of the ones that you just... Oh, I see. The machine. Excuse me. That's fine. Yes. Yeah.

We don't have one of those cool ones at my gym. Where do you work out? Temple. He worships and works out. One-stop shop. Gets him right. What else did you do? What else did you do in the...

Curls. I mean, I demolished the arms. Borderline abuse. Self-abuse. What kind of curls are we talking? I had to tell the doctor I was on Zoloft today. And she was like, do you ever hurt yourself? And I was like, depends on what you mean by hurt yourself.

Depends on the load. What was going on in the gym yesterday was borderline self-harm. Depends on how much pre-workout I drink. No, it was pretty easy. But it felt good. Felt good to get back in there. Third time in the last week. Nice, dude.

Whatever. Ron and I have been on a workout kick. I heard. Yeah, we've been hitting it. Hitting it hard. Yeah, I've been every day since I saw you in there third time in the last week so dude whatever ronan and i've been on a workout kick i hurt yeah we've been hitting it hitting it hard yeah i've been every day since i saw you in there that's impressive i can't quit because i now i know sass is coming for the crown i took today off but uh i'm i gotta get back to it you're not gonna go later no i can't you got shit all day i have i have to wait until shows later yeah Yeah. See me, I would find the time. That's because you have the time. I always find a way to make the time.

Your job description is one one hundredth of mine. Dude, they should add weights. I was talking to Joe at the stand last night telling him they should throw like a bench press down there or something. Something to keep me busy. Fucking Lewis would come down and like cover it with weed or something just somebody would immediately like grease it up fuck someone's butt with it for like a legion of skanks bit let's see which i was there when they put the gun up big jay's ass they've done that a bunch though the one that has oh then it's cool i don't know i thought it was a like it was a

regular sized pistol yeah and it shoots something out of it right like a flag i think i don't think they did that they just shoved they lubed it up and they shoved it no they shoved it yeah they shoved it up jay's ass in his in his ass we keep talking to us. And then someone wiped Ari's face with it. Ooh. And Ari was not happy. And I was like... I don't want to get face fucked. These are my heroes.

I wouldn't want to get fucking gun ass in my face. Why do they... It's because they're straight, right? That they do all that? Yes. It's because they're so straight that it's like... Well, there's a whole market for that kind of stuff yeah on grinder i don't hate a little ass play yeah i think that's just hilarious

you know who else does it kanye west is that right really amber uh what's her name heard no no amber rose tweeted about it she was like you still like you're still getting your ass played with or some shit like that? Amber Rose used to date him, and I guess he liked the little finger pop. That doesn't surprise me. I guess he liked to get plugged up. I could see Kanye West getting a full fist in his ass. Oh, yeah.

I could see him getting the team when they all stack their hands on top of each other up his ass. Like they're picking a croquet color? Yeah, exactly. Green, blue, yellow green blue yellow red oh the black ball do you think when he was writing that lyric about like if i get bleach on my t-shirt it was from the third person it was him getting fucked just a meta exercise but i mean i bet with kanye once you get once you get your ass popped you can't go back, especially because everything's available to him. It's not like he's going to go more vanilla with his lifestyle after he's had Amber Heard fucking putting a blooming onion up his ass. No, I mean, I guess that getting a finger in the ass is definitely a gateway to some

way more freaky shit. Yeah. Do you think that that's how guys just turn gays? They just start as straight guys, then get finger popped a little bit and then wind up in full blown gays. I mean, if your first sexual experience is you getting a finger in your ass, you're probably getting a finger in your ass for the rest of your life. I've just been lucky enough to not have a finger in my ass. See, like I would never shame someone for that because it's really just how you're raised. Yes. The environments that you stumble into from time to time. time they gotta sell butt guards though for for guys like us who want to keep our asses protected it's called a butt plug

you put you put something else in your ass i got a plug up there i don't want anything inside my ass except for this thank you i did not like anything up my ass good luck getting past this 12 inch fucking butt plug I got in my ass right now. It's orange. It's carrot size. It looks like a carrot. Dainty little fingers of yours. That old green stem to pull it out.

Those soft little fingers. So they didn't touch, because it sounds like you kind of had an old man physical today. No. Oh, oh, oh. I thought you meant like my doctor was an old man. No, like your physical was that was that they give an old man. They're checking for your statins, doing your blood work. Well, it was because I told them that my

dad has heart disease and my grandfather has heart disease. Damn, you're really fucking spilling all. I did spill. I went to the doctor and I told the truth. Did you tell them that whole story about the hockey thing too? What hockey thing? Like when you would ride home to games? No, but they would love to know that towards the end he would say so how do you think you played they would definitely like to know that they were asking as soon as you tell them

you're on zoloft they're like you're not going to kill yourself right freak that's what they like they get they really pry once you tell them you take antidepressants that's what they that's why they were asking if you hurt yourself yeah dude it's i probably as soon as you say that they just like turn the page over to a whole new list of questions right freak psychopath that's the fucking the new paper to fill out says here you played hockey how did your dad feel about your ability yeah dude they were asking me like if i need a therapist recommendation i was like no i was like i'm coming to you guys just to get more Zoloft. And why can't they just give you the Zoloft?

They did. Oh, you got the Zoloft. But I also had to get a physical in order to do that. Your general practitioner prescribes your Zoloft for you? Yes. Interesting. I don't have a psychiatrist. Yeah, I would have thought you needed a psychiatrist for that.

A therapist can't prescribe you medicine, but a psychiatrist and a doctor can. Yeah, I know that. So you have a psychiatrist in tandem with... No, I don't have a psychiatrist. But your mic is sounding crazy right now. I just didn't know that... I didn't know a GP could do that.

Huh? His shit's just coming in very hot. Your mic is? It also... Yeah. It also is fine because we're recording this separately as well. that huh your mic is it also yeah okay i'm just worried yeah whatever um the rumble fellas will be okay no i can't we can't get our guys on rumble pissed off that's our new most most important audience we need them rumble um I lost you completely my psychiatrist

do you have a psychiatrist? yeah yeah go ahead whom I see though for therapy but I like to know that she has an MD she's got an MD PhD god damn

I want the most degreed person coping with my head how old is she can i ask probably 55 jesus christ i like her she's multilingual uh which means a lot to me and she prescribes me xanax for flights or for at all times for flights and then i'm very careful about it because i like it so much i know that's the problem with all the over the or like the pharmaceuticals that they they're all so damn good penzos man that's any zany how hard is it for you to get them well the problem is is that she gets me a lot and so I have to be very reasonable about when I ask her for another batch. Yes.

You have to exercise your own discretion. Hey, bad news. I was walking through the park and a bunch of pigeons attacked me. Turns out they love Xanax. So the 60 that you gave me, gone. You get 60? It's the last time I got 60 last time. And how long are they supposed to last i don't know

i mean i haven't i haven't taken i haven't taken any this is the problem my best bet for getting more is to tell her that i they've all expired or just be like i've been taking them because i have a lot of anxiety and then she'll give you more i told her that i only take them for flights which is true you fly a lot yes but I think I told her for overnight flights. I was going to say, do you get anxious on planes? No, but I like to sleep on overnight flights, and I can't unless I've taken Xanax. Unless I have the strongest drug imaginable. It's a zombie to fuck out.

It's medically put down. Someone punches me in the face. Go to sleep, bitch. They are fucking, oh man, they are delicious. And it's such a problem because you drink a little bit with them and then you fucking. Oh no, I don't like that at all. See you in Paris. I drank when we went to Minneapolis for that video that you did with the Vikings fans.

Yeah. And I took Ativan before my flight and then I assumed it had worn off and then i had one beer and i had to go back up to my room because i was like uncontrollably like not even like fun fucked up just like feet like i feel sober like with my thoughts but i'm like so disoriented not a fun feeling for no that's bad that's bad. That's bad. Are you going to take one before the company party? A hundred percent. Yeah. I was going to say, are you going to drink at the company party? What do you think? I think, yeah, I think the two months of sobriety, I'm going to break it for the company party. For Erica? No. For all that she's done for you? No, I'm absolutely not drinking. I feel like she's kind of bent over backwards to make your

career happen. I really don't know if I'll ever drink again i don't think i'm going to i think it's over okay that's a lie you keep saying it's a lie you just keep on being like well you're gonna drink when you go home for the hall and then i don't and then you just extend it to yeah the company party is when i'm gonna break the sobriety that's what i've been that's what i've been that's what i've been saving up for it's reverse psychiatry no no it is it's 100 reverse psychiatry and then that's why you're now you're like trying harder and harder to not drink i'm helping i promise you that when i'm thinking about drinking the last thing i'm thinking about is you and francis no you're thinking about being like shit they're gonna make fun of me if i go back no it's

not about us it's about erica and the work she put in it's about eve you think he put in this is jerry gonna smoke crack at the party i heard that they're gonna have for erica he's got it for erica yeah they're gonna have bowls of ecstasy he hasn't worked here as long as you have under her protection i guess that's true she's been sort of pulling the strings on a lot of your Like there were a lot of times I heard where Dave was like I don't even understand His humor

And then Eric would be like Well it's not for us to get No Eric would not want me to drink He'd be for the best That I don't You think that when she Comes up to you

With a nice High noon And says cheers Sass And you're just gonna Pretend like you have one And air cheers it No I would say I'm not

drinking you know that we're gonna get like a ceo that's uh either like dolores umbridge and this fucking toughest shit or the biggest party boy of all time who is actually going to make you drink like dan you know i'm not gonna let that happen when dana beers takes over you're not gonna be fucking i mean either way dolores umbridge you're gonna have to drink yeah delores umbridge will put the crustaceous curse on you you're gonna want to drink and dana beers will fucking pop that bub plug out and insert a funnel and have you spoofing beers yeah he's gonna do the reverse heimlich that's the only way you're getting alcohol into my body is if you're shoving it up my ass by the way which i'll do right now other than that i'm not drinking just a little pink whitney high noon or a pink whitney nip yeah with the cap off no dude i'm

gonna make you do a keg stand i'm gonna be like the joker in when uh he's visiting harvey dent in the hospital and i'm gonna like take off my mask as you're fucking at your next doctor visit and fucking shove a full two four up your ass rachel i will say i did tell the doctor i told her i don't drink and then i had to go well that's not quite true i said i haven't drank you couldn't even you had to use because you have to tell everyone they ask if you drink. And you don't right now. And do drugs. Do they actually ask or do you just walk right in and be like, before you get there, I want you to know.

No, they say, do you drink or do drugs? And I said, I use nicotine and I am not drinking right now. And I occasionally put a nip of high noon at my ass. And occasionally I'll boof a high noon here and there. Boof a nooner. Sorry, I'm not sure what the medical term is for that. I shove it up my ass. Want to see me make this high noon

disappear? Imagine we line up Sass with his ass facing Rico who throws perfect strikes. Like the Dr. Pepper. Just like a... Like the Dr. Pepper halftime show where they throw a fucking ton of Dr. Pepper.

The only way you're going to get me to piss today is if you're shoving it up my ass. That would be hilarious. Do you pee that out after you boof something? Or does it come out of your butt? You have to throw it up. I think that's the only way if you put something up your ass.

But yeah, I wonder. Does it enter your digestive system? Or how does it? I would assume not. One of the darkest YouTube wormholes I ever went down was the Steve-O backstory. You ever watch sort of like the story of Steve-O? It's pretty terrible. It's really dark.

Why? What's so dark about it? One time, when he was on Jackass, they were all drinking like crazy. He was on whippets. Whippets like out of his mind. Oh my God. And what he did as like a prank one time is he got an IV bag that he filled with vodka. And so he was mainlining into his veins vodka.

How does that not kill you? It's bad. There's no stomach lining enzyme there's nothing to break down the booze between your bloodstream and the vodka do you think jackass could get made now god no probably not that's dude if it did it would be like hi i'm a transgender uh yeah they need a girl to show their penis too and i this is the this is the they there challenge and there'd be like a di cast of jackass which would be very funny if i'm honest this is gonna kill on rumble truly it will we probably just went up like 10 000 viewers

yeah they're gonna instead of getting stung by ants they're gonna get stung by the woke mind virus oh man but on the most did you watch the most recent jackass video or movie it did they and they had they have a they introduce a woman to the cast for rachel wolfson she's a comic right and it's like moon tower and that's kind of why they're like oh we have a girl we have a girl and uh yeah they had a black they had a black guy too yeah oh jesus christ what the hell's happening to jackass oh not a black dude black dudes can't shove shit up their ass that's so funny for someone to be like genuinely mad about that the fuck is this what the hell happened to jackass the corrosion of society it's only funny when their dicks were small

they can't put a black guy in a shopping cart and shove him into the bushes it doesn't even make sense the best jackass skit that i ever saw was the one where he's in the uh when they're in the when they play the prank on the other dude where it's like he gets in the taxi and he's pretending to be like a terrorist yeah that's the end of i think the first movie or the second movie that was so fucking it's really good and then they just reveal at the end that the beard is also made of all their pubes yeah and he throws up one of them has fucking crabs we used to watch that at sleepovers all the time we just throw it on yeah also the the original bad grandpa with the long balls was so fucking funny that's sophomoric bro that shit was laughs no bro that's fucking that's fucking

hack shit bro no that's genius take some long balls up on stage though and see how it goes for you fucking that would be funny it would be funny to just wear the long balls but then just have pants on so i'm just i'm the only one laughing i'm like you guys don't even know how funny this is right now in the corner while everybody's dancing. They don't know I have the lawn balls on. They don't know I'm recreating the lawn balls sketch from Jackass. Except no one can see it. We're going into the doctor's office.

So it's just like one guy that you're showing the lawn balls to. Lawn balls at the doctor's office would be hilarious. I'd have to text you guys probably and be like, I can't come're bringing me to the hospital i think these things are real they're too good these are movie quality long balls that would be so funny just to do that for yourself like no cameras or anything you just wear the long balls to the doctor's office just as like as a joe and like uh make it as as realistic as possible just be like yeah like i don't know it just has been this way since i was a little boy i haven't gotten a physical since i was like 16 my balls are just like this now it'd be damn respectable some guys probably have just long balls like that and doctors have to act like they

don't i have long balls i've talked about it before oh yeah you always you're always like sitting on them or like getting them caught underneath your bike tires my pee my pee can sometimes my piss sometimes hits my balls because they're so long that's like the classic small dick joke like your dick is so small you pee on your balls no it is but it's not my dick is not that small it's because my balls are that long but that makes me think that your balls are very outward and that your dick points really straight down it's like a highline stick it's like a fucking curve now how does it it's like a water slide you are definitely right about the my dick doesn't go straight down but my balls definitely go out they come out yeah you probably have a huge fucking sack. I do. High lie stick. I got an elephant sack. Do you know what high lie is?

What? Do you know what high lie is? I do not. Fucking fool. They did that in Jackass, actually. Really? They would throw the, I think it was oranges at them. What is it?

Maybe it was regular balls. It's that sport from like Malaysia. It's these type of sticks. Where they would throw them against a wall. They could throw them like a hundred miles an could throw them like 100 miles an hour. They just whip them. Yeah. Just using your balls.

That shit flies. Yeah, it does. But I just don't know how your balls can be long enough to be droopy, but structured enough to come out. I don't know. I really don't know because sometimes they're not like that. It goes into your, like, your dick goes into your... Do you want to show into your i will say when my penis is soft it is extremely small which is rare though because you stay hard it is i'm always at least half chubbed but it is it is it's like it's pretty

much mostly just head well what was it when you got pantsed in vegas the smallest a penis has ever been blackout drunk on stage yeah were they like that guy's all balls dude i i saw the video there's no sight of my penis in the video it's all balls and pubes but it's better than that guy who jumped into the fish tank at bass pro shops yeah that wasn't even like he didn't have there was nothing there no balls no penis nothing yeah that's that shit's fucking crazy that some guys are going through life like that but psychotic break penis has to be the smallest penis i thought it could be really big and crazy right like no one's having a psychotic break with like a half boner i guess some people probably i think that there's guys i think it's like uh like you ever see a dude in the inner city with like just

his like sweatpants falling off and his dick is fucking massive yeah yeah there was actually a dude that would be in the office a lot or not in the office but he would be down outside and sometimes he would come into the lobby who would always have his shirt off and he would always have a big penis yes he'd wear the gray sweatpants and no shirt and he was always so bloated and like sweating like randy from fucking trailer park boys he probably drinks a lot of apple juice probably it's gotta be it he's just bloated down to the cock i was oh uh fuck man i took the subway this morning. Yeah. And there was a really attractive woman on the subway.

No. Really? And that kind of pissed me off. Yeah. It was probably like a publicity thing. I don't know what. It's probably like hashtag ad underneath it. She probably has an OnlyFans she's selling. I was like, what are you doing down here, sweetheart?

Yeah, you should have said that. This isn't safe for me. Are these guys bothering you? No, but I wanted to should have said this isn't safe for these guys bothering you no but i i wanted to be like this isn't the place for you i almost wanted to get her an uber like i francis you're gonna end up on that old video remember that video of the girl walking down the street and just to show how many dudes would come up to her oh yeah yeah be like how's it going good look for her own protection yeah you know at the same time, like the subway has gotten really bad. And I didn't used to subscribe to that,

but we've talked about this. Like I would say that the frequency of bogeys on the subway now is more than not. Yeah. Like I would say six to seven out of 10 subway rides that I take on my own car.

You're getting cummed on. There's a bogey. There's a bogey of some kind somebody's gonna come on you for sure but is that just your because you've talked about this a lot is that just like what line do you take i take the two three but dude i i don't think it matters i really know because the one is clean living and this is coming through lower manhattan this isn't like we're not out in bushwick or east new york or any of that stuff bushwick ew yeah but this the other day i saw a guy who who scooted on yeah and by you know he had

two hairnets over his feet those were what he was using like those blue uh scrub type hairnets you know yeah yeah and they were those are his socks and then um he was wearing sweatpants but they came below his ass yeah and then his ass was completely bare and he was scooting feet first and dragging his butthole like a dog with worms across the floor of the subway and then he had a pencil and he was signing the floor and the wall. He signed the map and he was sort of muttering to people.

It was probably Banksy, honestly. It sounds like a Banksy project or World of T-shirts. He's always doing shit like that. Yeah. And I couldn't help but think, you know, if that hot girl were on that subway,

like, would have been a problem. Yeah. Yeah. Do you think those guys are enjoying themselves when they're doing that it's got to be like the most fun thing he wasn't troubled at all no no he wasn't that troubled maybe he just got a fresh grip of zanny's have you ever seen a cop deal with any of these people never no dude is it their job or not if a cop if a cop gets filmed

dealing with that guy that cop is going viral for the wrong reason. Like the cop that people are going to be like, this cop's a fucking scumbag. Dude, let the guy write on the girl. Whose job is it to help those people? I don't know, but I never really, I never see like actual cops in the city. I don't think you ride the subway at all. No, I ride the subway like every day. No, the cops are always at, they're like at Just Salad, like congregated by the window, like having a nice convo. I mean, like the cops that I see in New York are the cops that are like

wearing a fucking uniform that's 10 sizes too big for them. And they're like the traffic cops. They're Indian guys. No, it's usually actually like women. Indian women. No. Really? Quite.

I know what you're talking about. I used to see those women all the time when I would do alternate side parking yes and they would have like a little palm pilot they would take the license plate we gotta do a fucking ride along or something like that i would like to get some goddamn appreciation for the cops around here didn't didn't like a cop overtime didn't they give out like 13 billion dollars in cop overtime this year is that right it probably isn't right at all but i think they gave a ton of money to cop overtime well that's where they make most of their money isn't it doing overtime but then everybody online was like now the fucking libraries are shut down fucking great it's like a post about the libraries having to close and people were like well it was fucking 13 billion dollars of cop

overtime who's going to the library i was gonna say I have never been to a library in New York City and I've rarely seen police in New York City. They're better than you'd think. Well, there's that one that's really famous, right? Yeah, the New York Public Library. The big one up by Grand Central. Is that one still open? Yeah, that one's huge.

What's going on in there? What's-his-name got married there. Eric Adams. Kevin Love got married there. Really? Got married at the New York Public Library Eric Adams. Kevin Love got married there. Really? Got married at the New York Public Library. Nerd. To hope something.

Solo. No, it can't be. Kate Bach. Kate Bach. Kate Bach. LeBron went. Really? LeBron was there.

Of course. They were old friends. On the cast. And then they went to South Africa for their honeymoon. They went to Rwanda. And Tanzania. and you borrowed your outfits from that's exactly right i knew that there was a fucking oh my god that's the most high

well if you want to have a very private wedding why are you having it in the middle of new york city it's one of those like inside outside privacy things it's like building a house in the hamptons the new york public library yeah yeah it's it's got public in the name. God forbid you need to study. We're going to leave 20 invitations open to people who need to come in from the cold. For homeless guys who want to drag their asshole across the red carpet. For avid crossworders who stay till closing time. Like who the fuck is taking a book out of the library? The New York Public Library. Who is getting fucking war and peace?

No. Students of what? I guess, I don't know. I guess, like, NYU probably has its own library. Yeah, exactly. Fordham has their own library. Yeah. High schools have their own libraries.

I don't know. I truly don't know. It's probably, like, 75-year-old Jewish guys who are lifelong New Yorkers who have like, it's tote bag people. It's people who push shopping carts and have tote bags. Checking a book out of the library is a long lost pleasure. And part of it was that, like renting a movie, you knew you had a time limit, which forced you to finish the book on time.

Yeah, that's true. Six-year schedule, two-week rental. Yeah. Bring it back, or else you'll face a nickel. Yeah. You'll have to come up with one nickel in penalties. That's so true. Or, alternatively, you own the fucking book.

I remember having a library book that was like five years overdue. And I brought it in. They're like, it's going to be a $3 charge. That was like five years overdue. And I brought it in. They're like, it's going to be a $3 charge. Because at what point does it supersede the cost of the book? I think it takes a long time.

Like you'd have to die with the book in your casket. Yeah. You can also call and be like, hey, can I extend this rental? And they're like, yeah. Yeah. We don't care. We have like tons of books. Yeah. We got a lot of books.

You're good. Honestly, just take it. We didn't know. Yeah. What a boring lifestyle by We have like tons of books. Yeah, we got a lot of books. We're good. Honestly, just take it. We didn't know. Yeah. What a boring lifestyle by fucking Dewey Decimal to fucking come up with a system of coding library books.

I will say, I did love returning a library book though because our library had this thing where you would like open it up and put your book in. It was a good feeling. Or the chute. The chute is nice.

Chutes are nice. We've lost all chutes. We had a laundry laundry shoot in my house as a kid i was so jealous of people that had that open it up throw my wet pants down there my pants were always wet yeah i would i would go i would what i'm talking about when you jumped in the pool your head open? Jumped into the lake? I wasn't wearing pants. Help! Mom!

Mom! Before the EMT arrives, I want to use the chute one more time. Might be my last. Yeah, could be my last time. Deep clean. Get me upstairs, Mom. Mom, they say the quicker that you deal with a stain, the easier it is to get out. Get me my Tide pen. it is to get out get me my tide pen but aren't there houses now that have like uh am i thinking of trash vacuum shoots i think you're thinking of that instagram video the ad that keeps going

keeps coming up on my what is it what is it and it's a laundry shoot that it's a vacuum and i guess it must activate like once something gets close yes that's what i'm thinking videos of kids just being like and then like sucks it in oh yeah i've definitely put my dick in that no your long ass balls will get caught in there you'd have like two feet up on the wall trying to push off pulling you across the floor stop it balls are in the basement at the laundry machine your mom's in the basement as your balls keep on coming in and out of the fucking chute she just turns up to beyonce yeah pretends not to notice what's going on you guys see that uh stephen a smith is trying to uh yeah

debate trump oh no i thought you're gonna talk about his 20 million dollar contract oh that's one thing with what espn he's he's asking for 20 mil a year he said he could get 20 mil in the open market i'm surprised he's not by that i think he can get 20 i think he gets eight mil i think he's our highest paid guy i think he gets i could be making this up just like i made up the 13 billion dollars in police overtime but uh i think that he he gets eight million and is espn's highest paid employee yeah maybe now that mcafee probably how much does mcafee get it's got to be a ton yeah because isn't mcafee also getting i i heard that they were gonna they're gonna do like a red zone for college football but it's gonna be hosted by pat mcafee really yeah that

could be sick too that dude is i think that there's a decent chance that there's like a clone version or it's like there's a it's a man in the iron mask situation with pat mcafee and there's two of him because of how prolific he is he has a big worth work ethic yeah it's crazy but uh stephen a smith is like i'm i i don't want to run for president but i want to debate against trump i would 100 i mean that would be amazing to see that be amazing it'll be unbelievably because honestly he might be the only one that could get him yeah like if you know he could get him but it would just be equal unmovable objects and forces that would be unbelievably entertaining i don't think you can get under trump's skin

but same with stephen a smith though if they just did for a first take episode with trump and stephen a smith it would fucking yeah just two people talking without stopping the whole time yeah stephen a smith just unloading the fucking biggest words you've ever heard stephen a smith there's prolific equanimity dude his the the reacting to tweets thing that he's doing is so funny. Yeah, he rules. He's so fucking funny. It'd be so much sweeter than that Destiny Ben Shapiro debate. Oh, I didn't even watch that.

I tried to watch it. I had to check out. I'm not a big Ben Shapiro guy. That might hurt the rumble numbers, but I'm not a big... Well, he's just not. He doesn't go hard enough. He's too much of a centrist is his fucking problem. He's too left wing for me.

He's apparently a very good chess player. I get him confused with that other guy who's really smart. Magnus Carlsen? No, the guy who does jiu-jitsu. Appears on Rogan a lot too. Quiet guy. He's got a big podcast you just narrowed down

every single person who's ever been on show not a comic not a comic he's really smart i think he's like a physicist that's who's lex friedman lex friedman that's who's uh podcast you want who i was gonna say boy added two more details we were right there. Lex Friedman is, he like claims MIT. I'm pretty sure he just went to Drexel. I'm almost positive. Like I think my dad taught him at Drexel. He's like, oh yeah, Alex Friedman. He like changed his fucking name or something like that.

Alex Friedman. Throw him off the scent. I think his dad's like a professor at Drexel or like his dad does something at Drexel and he like went to Drexel. Really? And he's just like MIT certified scientist. I guess he's good at chess and jiu-jitsu.

He's very good at chess. But I think he had Magnus Carlsen on his fucking boring ass podcast. He's like the king of the monotone. Magnus is the chess guy, right? Magnus is amazing. I watch Magnus highlights all the time. My friend's all obsessed with him. And he just doesn't give a fuck.

Yeah. He's not like other chess players he doesn't care yeah he tries so hard to be like i'm fucking the renegade of chess i mean it is the game starts before the game even starts though it's true you get someone off their game have them a little bit nervous they're thinking about when are you going to show up they're not thinking about knight to queen six now what what is the uh what's the software that that beat magnus deeper it's like the expert mode on well i remember i remember when kasparov was playing the computer i think it was a deep blue or something they called it it was like the you know and everyone knew the statistics it memorized the 400 million move combinations in one second

yeah it's like well it's a computer. And then he won and everyone was like, how did he do it? And people said he forced it into a position from which it could not recover. I'm like, you just said the most basic thing. So how every chess game is won? He won the game.

That's all that means. So wait, he beat it? I think I remember that he beat one of them one of the computer programs kasparov kasparov is considered the greatest chess player ever oh really i thought it was magnus magnus is number one now magnus famously tied kasparov when he was like 12 i thought it was the black guy with the flat brim at washington square west he's pretty good he's three um i was trying to do a bit about that for a while and it never worked well what did you just about dudes like bundling up in their house like i gotta go play chess in

the park like putting on like a scarf and mittens mittens without the fingertips fingerless gloves like the sticky bandits just going out every day like, hey, babe, I might be late tonight. Oh, yeah. I was trying to talk about how it's funny that chess is still an outside sport. And it could very easily be an indoor sport. Yeah. That you're just running up on people to play them one-on-one. Yeah. And it really is like a debate me type of situation.

Just random guys just like, fucking play me then. Yeah. If you think you're so good. And then there's always like blonde girls going up and like filming themselves being like he didn't know i was good at chess yeah he thought i was a dumb blonde oh he thought i was a dumb slut guess what i'm a dumb slut who knows chess i'm a dumb slut with a camera crew who knows chess who are those girls that came in here and played chess and they like beat everybody and everyone was like i can't believe how good they were and i was like well no one here

is good at chess they would have had to play chess like five times before coming here they just beat marty what the fuck lenny balls gets absolutely dominated in chess by two girls. I can move my horse over these Rumbler ones, right? Tonight on Rumble. Tonight exclusively on Rumble at 7 p.m. Eastern time. Then the girls would have to like unmask themselves as men. Just kidding. A woman could never beat a man at chess. We thought these were two dumb sluts, but it was Lex Friedman and Magnus Carlsen.

No way. Just white chicks? Yeah, watch Lex Friedman and Magnus Carlsen dress up as dumb sluts and beat the barstool office. Bro, this would actually go dumb on Rumble. No, I think those two girls were actually like they're supposed to be like some of the best chess players in the world who are they i don't know but it's funny to think like robbie had them in or something oh why like why would why would anyone in here think that they could beat anybody at chess i don't know wasn't there like three weeks

where people were playing chess i play a lot of chess in the office though i was playing with steven chai for a while are you on uh rudy are you on chess.com the office, though? I was playing with Stephen Che for a while. Yeah, you were playing Stephen Che. Are you on chess.com? Yeah. What's your level? I always delete it because I get addicted, and then I have to delete the app, and then I have to start back, and you always start back at 1,000. I actually didn't even, I never even considered that you play chess because I just downloaded it a couple weeks ago.

Oh, we should play. No, you would smoke me. I'm terrible. But what was your level? Probably got to like, I don't know, nothing crazy. Maybe 1,300. Oh, dude, that's dude that's great oh really i'm at 110 but you started a thousand yeah i don't know i mean i've i've barely played chess so i'm like can you do you can you recognize other people's uh like technique or you or like or like ah mendelsohn when you play i just play those i play

those like 10 minute games and they it's it's very different from playingelsohn when you play i just play those i play those like 10 minute games and they it's it's very different from playing on a board because you play so fast and you don't care if you lose people resign quickly yeah the first game i played i played with a dude from fucking i forget what brazil or some shit and i made my first move and then he messaged me and said you are trash i was like shit dude it's my first game on it's the game within the game though yeah it's not like fortnite was a messaging option they need to pair you up with other novices instead of fucking just throwing you into fucking twisted towers off rip do you ever get paired with any hot girls i don't know i've gotten paired with like a lot of very attractive

girls from like ukraine on chess.com what do you have pictures of them they have pictures of themselves mine's just a blank profile photo it's probably just dudes catfishing probably it definitely is that's so funny to be catfishing on chess.com you should have told that guy from brazil remember when you guys lost to germany 702 world cups ago yeah that was i would fucking kill him yeah that almost broke the country on yeah word has it that human trafficking skyrocketed do you guys remember when uh the ukraine shit at first started yeah i was playing video games but like people from ukraine i remember i was in the middle of a war zone game and then i got off war zone and there was videos on twitter of them bombing ukraine

but do you remember like in the in like the one or two weeks afterwards people from ukraine were like uh like trying to get like vacant rooms in like people's houses and shit like that no they're like trying to move my my wife was like talking to a woman oh i remember you telling me about that there was like a ukrainian woman who like was going to bring her fucking daughter to like and her to live with us. Cause my wife, wife felt bad. Adopted Ukrainian. But like they were already in the United States.

Yeah. It's not like they had got over right away. That's what I mean. Like they were just, they were praying on the fact that there was like this sentiment of Ukrainian sympathy that they could just like be like, I'm Ukrainian. Like,

can I like, dude, do you know that barber shop near us in dumbo where everyone is russian and they pretend to be ukrainian i told you this story i went because the same or maybe we talked about it offline i went to get my haircut there and my barber was like you know speaking in an accent and he was really hinting that he wanted me to ask where he was from he was like he kept just got here yeah sorry for my english i'm not i am new you know and i'm like oh where are you from and he goes

ukraine and i was like wow uh you know i'm so sorry for everything that's happening and he was like i i just got out i only work for tips. And then I looked at him, and he was pretty buff, and he had arm tattoos. I know exactly the guy you're talking about. He was like 25. He ran the same game all day. And I was like, dude, you fucking coward. Why did you leave?

If what you're saying is true, you should be fighting. Trade those fucking scissors in for an AK. Yeah, for a knife. Split the scissors up and get them. Why are you here? You abandoned your countrymen. You shouldn be fighting. Trade those fucking scissors in for an AK. Yeah, for a knife. Split the scissors up and get them. Why are you here? You abandoned your countrymen. You shouldn't be. My family's still there, but I get them a better life by working at the barber shop.

You're cutting like $34 fades in like residential Brooklyn. That's so funny. You should be on the front lines defending Kiev. Yeah, he is burly as hell. He's huge. Yeah, that guy's jacked as shit. Russia wanted the food. I would rather give it to my friend.

I didn't tip him because I thought he was such a pussy. You didn't tip? No. I wanted to teach him a lesson. Not tipping at a barbershop is like an intimate experience to not tip in.

Just give him a note and be like, you should go back home and fight. Yeah. Your country needs you. Well, he was like, you can use my Venmo. It's up at the register. And I was like, okay.

And then I just sent money to the International Monetary Fund instead. I was like, I think they'll know how to get this to the right hands. Yeah. For flak jackets. You know who still needs money? Haiti, bro. We got to get in. We are the world.

What was that song they put out when the Haiti shit happened? We are the world? Yeah. Oh, they remixed We are the world what was that song they put out when the haiti shit happened we are the world yeah oh they remixed we're all was that for haiti they did it for there was the original one and they did a remix for haiti yeah they did one for 9-11 oh that must have been what it was but they did a new one like lil wayne was in it and shit they always gather so many yeah i remember dude i like had that downloaded on my ipod and i would like listen to it and watch the video and be like this is so sick dude lil wayne's lil wayne's the fucking best you buy the song but don't donate to haiti no i bought the song like i had it that's what i mean like you you paid money to lil wayne but not to haiti i had the song and the music video because

there used to be a number you could text where it was like well one two one one like donates fifty dollars to haiti yeah you could like grab someone else's phone text that number and then they would just have also donated to haiti what happened and it was an earthquake yeah some shit like that was there another one recently no this is like a while ago like 2012 devastating but it was like, I think someone stole a bunch of the money. Oh, obviously. I'm going to put some money on it. Was it Wyclef or Akon? Someone like stole a bunch of the money.

Like someone famous stole a bunch of the Haiti money. Wyclef ran for president of Haiti. Did he? And should have won. The whole country apparently wanted him to win. But he didn't win. I think something was like he was ineligible because he hadn't lived there in too long damn yeah they could use any of the help they could get yeah i think it's nasty down

in haiti man wyclef what an artist he is though yeah lauren lauren hill too that's hilarious that's crazy to steal money from haiti to be like in haiti running for president being like dude i need this more than you someone's like sleeping in a box yeah or like under rubble yeah they're burying themselves in rubble every night to get warm yeah they're pulling up the rubble like getting snug in the rubble yeah they're using their fucking bedroom wall as a blanket they're curling up in their roof and wyclef is fucking just stealing their money yeah he just has he has his like american recording money but he's also taking the yeah he has all of lauren hill's entire catalog of money trump should have gone down there and started throwing them brooms yeah everyone. Everyone that should have been in Puerto Rico. Throwing robotic vacuum cleaners.

Yeah. Everyone that should have been in Puerto Rico. Make sure you tuck your balls in. That video of Trump taking the... That was the best thing ever. Throwing paper towels at him. The fadeaway paper towels. The entire fucking...

Puerto Rico. Country was underwater. He's just... Yeah. Throwing them rolls of paper towels.'s back i mean one new hampshire you just said the odds what are the odds he's he's what minus 110 right now but they fluctuate a lot but i would put the fucking house on it the implied odds are 52 and a half percent for him 35 for biden uh third is michelle obama which means people think biden's gonna die uh that's like well my

mom my mom votes for people who are not even like close to being in the race yeah and then she's like why i didn't want to vote for the other ones yeah but you may as well just not vote it people forget how much people forget how much these races change yeah they really do i mean things can happen out of nowhere people forget like uh hillary Hillary Clinton beat Obama in the New Hampshire primary in 2000. Yeah. 2008, excuse me. And it was thought that she was going to win that Democratic nomination. That's got to suck to be, like, someone who was so close to being president multiple times.

And that's like your whole life's work just never happened. She was still Secretary of State and Senator from new york yeah but i know she does probably view her life as a colossal failure yeah yeah just because like she had a couple trips to epstein's island yeah just because she drank your husband goes on a boy's trip once or twice and now your entire political career is our political careers over. Boy, shrimp. Let's get on the fucking plane. Yeah. Oh my God. No different than us,

like going to fucking Vegas or some shit. Just a rowdy weekend. Yeah. Like the hangover. What happened last night? What did I do? Oh no. Dude,

you fucked a kid last night. What? No, really really are you fucking kidding me dude you made some little people do fucking math on a chalkboard that would be a great hangover for hangover for little saint james and then they find the camera at the end you know how they always find the camera at the end of the hang find the camera all right let's watch these let's look at these pictures one last time i think we have to like hand these over to the government or some shit what the fuck these are like way worse than i imagined them being that's how it all got out just because ed helms was like i put my tooth up did you know that paul rudd was uh

in the running for that for the hangover i think he passed on it real oh that's he was gonna play bradley cooper's character damn paul rudd's the best yeah i think that he could have played that other character that that one dude who's not famous of the four of them. Yeah, who looks, who has the same haircut as Paul Rudd. Doug? Who is Paul Rudd. Yeah, Doug. He looks like Doug, but he was in the running to play Bradley Cooper.

The lead? I guess they wouldn't probably cast Paul Rudd as Doug. That guy, Doug, never, he's not got a prominent, he doesn't have a role, really. No, he's just lost. Yeah. He's good at being sunburned at the end. He doesn't have a role, really. No, he's just lost. Yeah. He's good at being sunburned at the end.

He doesn't really get any laughs. He's a straight man. No. I guess Cooper gets some... Does he get a lot of laughs? Yeah. I remember reading Mike Tyson's autobiography, which was ridiculous. Because he didn't...

I don't think he got a ghostwriter to help him with it. And it's... I'm going to do this shit myself he talks about like his rape trial oh yeah he's like this bitch was lying through her fucking teeth it's like are you allowed to talk about this like that dude easy you're putting that in print it's like exclamation points he's yelling it through the page. Like Owen Beanie. Anyway. His lawyers are like, you might want to mix in it allegedly.

That's crazy. I'm not making this up. He's like, there was so much evidence that they left out. I'm like, dude, let it, you know, go. Anyway. But he talks about his like transitioning into his acting career. And at the time of the writing of this book, he had only been in The Hangover. Yeah.

And he's like, none of us had any idea how much of a success this movie would become. I'm like, dude, you were yourself for four minutes of the movie. He's like, we the cast. I remember our reunion. We'd get together and be like, can you believe it? I'm like, if he believe it? I'm like... Also, they were all incredibly established actors. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Who thought that movie was going to be a dud? But I just... I don't know. To his credit, he was fine. But then he's like... I remember him talking about coming back for Hangover 2. For which he was just the musical act at the end. At the wedding. Yeah, at at the wedding he sings or whatever but picturing him as like a leading member of like sag is hilarious

yeah exactly we need to get better rates they're they're completely raping us on these rates one of like my favorite bits ever is the tom segura bit where he's talking about meeting uh mike tyson on the plane oh yeah in in uh on his way to pittsburgh yeah because he's going to do the improv which is where you will be this weekend and you need help on your tickets yes holy fuck that's so that bit is so i remember listening to that when i was a kid and being like this is unbelievable why don't you do the bit i don't really remember it i just remember i just remember mike tyson coming up to him being like i've seen you on tv yeah yeah yeah yeah i saw you on netflix didn't he doesn't he come and he shows up and just like comes into the green room yeah yeah and he threatens to fight someone on the plane or something like that i don't think he

threatens to fight anybody i think oh i think he's sitting down on the plane and then the the flight attendant comes and he's like mike tyson wants to speak to you oh yeah and go find mike tyson in first class which i bet was hard yeah probably pretty easy to spot him just hanging out of the fucking isn't there like a video of mike tyson like about to fight someone in like first class or something like that oh yeah there is very recent i think he did fight someone yeah he did i don't want to do this i can't stop stroking this i was doing that when we were recording on monday so nice yeah i like when you can make like a little drawing in it yeah no you can't you kind of can't you have to go a certain direction you gotta find the direction go

against the grain. And then you write your name. And then you erase it. Yeah, you write a nice slur on the couch and then erase it. Dude, there was like a massive scandal at my school because someone put like a swastika in like condensation somewhere. Big deal.

I feel like if I was the teacher in that situation, I would probably just... Like, let's not fucking deal with this shit right now let's not be on the news this week for this yeah like reporting it like you people have to see that yeah people just want to be a fucking hero well that's uh son of a boy, Dad. Yeah. Thank you guys for listening. Yeah, I'm going to be in Pittsburgh this weekend. I always throw that out there, but I don't actually mean it. It's over. It's not my call.

I think we were getting to a point when we were talking about drawing on the couch. We're not getting towards raps. I was having a good time. I'm surprised you're calling it so early. We've been over an hour. Hour 10. All right, fine. People aren't going to be happy.

Yeah, thank you guys for listening. I'm going to be in Pittsburgh this weekend. Pittsburgh Improv. Tickets at littlesasquatchwebsite.com. Please come see me. Come see us in Denver, February 9th to the 11th, and then Albany the following weekend. Tickets are actually kind of...

They're slim. They're slim. Kind of not many left for either of those. So tickets at francisellis.com or littlesasquatchwebsite. I will be walking my dog this weekend. Ron's going to be walking his dog. Come say hi. Come say what's up.

I'll be walking my dog in Brooklyn. Thank you for listening. Goodbye.