Son of a Boy Dad - New York vs. LA | Son of a Boy Dad #210

Episode Date: June 20, 2024

New York vs. LA | Son of a Boy Dad #210 -- Follow us on our socials: https://linktr.ee/sonofaboydad -- Merch: https://store.barstoolsports.com/collections/son-of-a-boy-dad -- SUBSCRIBE TO THE YOUTUBE #SonOfABoyDad #BarstoolSportsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, Son of a Boy Dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Alrighty, welcome back to the Son of a Boy Dad podcast. We are here live from HQ3. And I can't help but to hear, no, I can't help but to hear No, I can't help but to hear any changing of words. Very nice. Thank you, Roan, for that.

What a beautiful wedding. I don't even know this song. What is this song that you guys are singing? I chime in with the happiest you people ever heard of. Yeah, bro. Wake your ass up, bro. That might be the only lyrics I know of that song. Closing a goddamn door. No no you don't fuck with that no i've been on mostly just simon and garfunkel lately

where have you gone joe dimaggio our nation turns its lonely eyes to you what's that you say mrs robinson jolton joe has left and gone away the fuck are they talking about with that hey hey hey the graduate yeah but where did joe dimaggio go i looked it up and apparently joe dimaggio was really pissed off about that lyric he was like i'm not i didn't go i'm still here yeah he was no he was literally like he's like i'm doing commercials all the time i'm still here that's literally what he's at he was that dimaggio I'm doing commercials all the time. I'm still here. That's literally what he said. DiMaggio had long been retired from the game, right? I think so.

By the time The Graduate came out, yes, absolutely. I believe so, yes. And therefore also this. But Joe DiMaggio was like, Jolton Joe is still here. What the fuck are you guys talking about? They're making me feel like I'm washed up. People say that Di dimaggio's uh hit streak is the record that will never be broken in baseball yeah probably not

i think that cal ripkins would be tougher really playing that many consecutive games just with load management yeah you know what i mean management alone you've been doing a lot of load management absolutely yeah tons of load managing his loads beating his meat like he's trying to get those glow sticks at concerts working before um i don't tell i went out and i got a i bought a cbd vape was just abusing that thing the entire day well actually helped a lot because i would be in and out of panic attacks the entire day and then i would hit it and it would go away did you hear the fucking uh i think maybe it was the la times did a comprehensive look at 37 different dispensaries in la and they found that every

single one of their carts had pesticides in it oh everyone at every single place yeah there's no place that has any type of pure carts. But that's been a thing forever. That's why I don't understand why people are still smoking those. I bought a bunch of organic weed from Maine, and I think it's going to be pretty good. I'm sure. I bet it won't be better weed, but it'll probably just be a little bit- Cleaner.

I think it's going to be cleaner. Yeah, yeah. I think the Maine weed is supposed to be really good, though. Maine weed's great. Yeah. One of my friends moved to Maine when we were in middle school, or when we were going into high school, and he was a big pot pothead and the weed that he would always send pictures of we were like whoa yeah that's the best way to tell we the crystals on that are

unbelievable yeah the crystals somebody said that in a rap battle to me once they're like you're the type of weed guy who's like look at all the crystals that's funny you are that is funny yeah well i'm not a weed guy anymore. Unfortunately, you're actually. Now you're just a booze hound. No, not even that. You're kind of a booze bag. No, now I'm fucking. We've been trying to get you to slow down.

I was boozing hard with Roan over the weekend. Oh, yeah. You two together. It's like. Let me tell you, dude. It's just like a glimpse into what addiction looks like. We were drinking just to drink. Yeah.

And it was awesome. That's fun. It was so fun. Yeah, that's fun. It was so fun. Yeah. And it was awesome. That's fun. It was so fun. Yeah. Just taking pickleback shots. Late at night. I thought about drinking this weekend. Crushing them.

Yeah. What did you think about it for? Because I was unbelievably nervous. Yeah. And I was like, I need to flush this out somehow. And then I went and I bought the CBD vape. It turns out that's all I needed. I heard Bert Kreischer was trying to get you fucking off the wagon no why would burt kreischer

have been i don't know burt kreischer there was a story about him trying to or he told a story about him trying to like make david tell like give up sobriety david tell that's like the last person who would do that yeah for like fully loaded or something like that. He's like, dude, just 18 days. Let's just fucking burn it out. Let's just get fucked up. David Tell has been sober for like 30 years. I thought they said like six years or something like that. I actually think it hasn't been that long.

But he's like 60. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe they're just saying that. I don't know. Bert said that he's switching more to weed now than alcohol. Yeah. I heard. That's what I read somewhere's switching more to weed now than alcohol. Yeah. I heard. That's what I read somewhere.

This is going around the comic world. Yeah, Bert's switching to weed. It's going to change everything. He's going to get ripped. The machine's getting ripped. But how about when he was on Sunday Conversation and he was like, I'll never stop drinking. I'll never stop drinking, yeah. Liar!

Well, I'm sure he's still drinking. He still drinks. Come on, bro. Don't get ahead of yourself. I'm sure Bert is still throwing him drinks come on bro don't get ahead of yourself i'm sure bert is still throwing him back no dude i heard he might not be bro broke my heart this is the world's world's best comedy gossip podcast okay coming in today we got new news uh burt kreischer apparently laying off the beers no bro i walked in half the office was crying burt gave up booze when's he gonna be back when's he gonna come back oh so on the way to meet

up with francis last weekend i uh you know i heard yeah i was making its way out to la me and spade were talking about it yeah david spade i don't know if you're familiar with i thought you meant i call him now now dave spade dave yeah or davey he likes his friends to call him spade spade man depends on the mood he's in i'm sorry i don't know why i engaged in this because ron was telling a story you cut him off very rudely it's actually like shocking to see can we go back to i listened to and i said where are your manners fucking asshole ron please continue i'm sorry about that i went over my bike handles really yeah fell falling yeah he told me this story we were hanging out so tell saskis he doesn't know about it a guy i was on the straightaway in chinatown park on the right where everything bad happens to me on my bike that's where i got pulled over like a block from there and a guy doesn't bike a lot

please there's a story happening i just i'm just chiming in spade doesn't like to bike he's more of an uber guy i heard that he takes a one wheel around i heard spade puts on a helmet and rides a one wheel with like full armor yeah fucking just leans forward through LA. That's kind of how we do it in LA. It's the most environmentally friendly. He's got a hybrid one wheel. Yeah. Runs on electricity, but you have to charge it up every 30 minutes.

So you get stuck in traffic and have to pull over. His had solar panels. He's got solar panels on his shoulder pad so he could just charge up as he flies around the city. A dude just like pulled out in front of me and I just, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. And I fucking smacked into him and went flying over my handlebars. Did you guys throw hands? No, but I was, I gave him a, I started to give him an earful, but then I calmed down.

I was wondering about that. What'd you say? Like, what the fuck are you doing, dude? But I was also like, I had to assess for injuries, so I was just standing up. Did it fix your back problems? Okay, it did. I was going to say, I feel like sometimes things like that could just unlock

the pain. Goes to an MLB game and throws a ball all the way to the catcher. What the fuck? I could fucking launch a football 70 yards suddenly and had great pocket mobility because of it. It wrecked my shit.

I have some nasty bruises right in this region that I'm not going to show you. He showed us. Showed the boys, of course. Then we had our night out. And I don't know if I should say this, but should I say that? We biked home. Yeah.

I pressured you, too. No, we biked home. You got to get back on the bike, man. Spade does not like drinking and driving. And riding? Yeah. But Francis was going back to do his sets and i like got to the stand before him so i'd probably i was i was boozing a decent amount and he just like

slowly biked next to me to make sure that i was like yeah well that's the thing that's like that's what it's like going out with francis like you guys go out for hours and next thing you know you're blackout and francis is on his second negroni that's not true i was throwing him back i just hold my alcohol very well and then he's like dude come on we drink together all the time and it's like yeah i drank three times the amount that you drank listen it's not for me to make you pace yourself i'm not gonna hold your hand some people know how to drink rome was fine he was banged up but he's fine i was doing fine and the only part that gave me trouble was uh like when you get to the manhattan bridge there's like a steep hill that you have to

go up to and there are these like pillars to make sure no cars drive up and like i could i couldn't get through the pillar he was sort of walking the bike because either feet on either side. Because I couldn't get enough momentum on the uphill. I was dying. Were you guys on electric bikes or just regular? You couldn't get enough momentum on an electric bike? They weigh 400 pounds. He couldn't get his foot,

he couldn't push his foot down hard enough to start it. Yeah, I was going to say, all you got to do is pedal once and it boosts you like 30 feet. Yeah, I like lowered my seat so I wouldn't have to be on my like tippy toes.

I wanted my feet to be flat on the ground. It was so I mean, we got home safe, but it was highlight nights right there. It was very funny. Special bonding time. That sounds fun. It was. I feel like I'm always asking you guys to hang out in the city and you guys never Well, what's weird is that the common

two weeks ago, I texted Francis and I was like, what are you doing this weekend? Let's do something. He was like, I'm just hanging out in the city and I was like, what are you doing this weekend? Let's do something. He was like, I'm just hanging out in the city. And I was like, cool. Let's go play pool or something. And then he just ghosted me completely. There's no way that's true. The only time that you've asked to hang out in the last six months is when you were like,

hey, I'm watching the game in my bunk bed at the Citizen M. Do you guys want to lay three across so we can fucking watch the hockey game? Don't even get me started on the Chicago incident. No. Just hours just looking at my phone being like is this thing broken because we were supposed to get dinner four hours ago no you're sitting laying in bed stomach is growling like you've never heard eventually i was like i guess i'll just order something you wanted us to lay across the fellas after for apps like when you're at a uh like when you're on an rv and there's like the the portion atop the fucking uh driving part of the rv where you just have to lay on your belly and look out a small window you were inviting us to just fucking all i know is that my feelings

were genuinely hurt crawl into bed i was under the impression francis said what did you say you had to go get dinner with your aunt or an uncle? My aunt and uncle, yeah. And so that was like, we left the office together. Yeah, I fucked this up. We left the office and then I called you and I said, hey, what's up, dude? What time are you thinking we're going to go? And you said, oh my God, I'm so sorry.

Like that whole classic, I'm so sorry. Well, I was. I had double booked myself. I'm so sorry. Like that whole classic. I'm so sorry. Well, I was. I had double booked myself. I'm so sorry. I got to go get dinner. I'll meet up with you guys after. And then I'm texting Roan and I'm like, what's your plan? Francis is going to meet up with us later.

I'm fucking starving. Hours go by. I text in the group chat. What are you guys doing? Then Roan replies in the group chat. I can't text me one on one. You couldn't face that. At first, I already told you that it was because your text is pinned and i didn't see it at the

top and second i hadn't left my hotel yet so when i texted you i was still fucking ass naked fucking washing uh cleaning my balls and ass you weren't even at your hotel you were at pop punk recital rehearsal rehearsal yeah oh so so i have an even better excuse but that so i went from recital back to my hotel ended like four hours i had to shower after my recital and then i fucking waited and was still texting you before i left you texting you texted me once and it was like hours later and it was wow i texted you what the name of the bar was and you said i'm not leaving because i want to watch this on the fucking big screen. I can't stomach to watch this on any screen other than the big screen.

No, I wanted to watch the game and you guys were like, we're going to go to a cocktail bar where they take your phones and they bag them up while you walk in. But that's why I carry two phones. To get the traditional old-timey experience. I carry a dud phone to give them. So when I get the old-timey experience experience i just give them the dud and then we can fucking watch it on the phone in the back of the fucking cocktail bar so then i ate q doba in my citizen m and i had chips and queso in bed listen just funneling queso into my mouth laying down what goes around comes around you set a precedent of never wanting to hang out then the

one time you do well you know too too bad well it's also like i i got there and i was like it's gonna be great guys week like we're all gonna be staying in the same hotel none of us we were all 45 minutes away from each other we also went out to dinner the night before and he and i talked to each other the whole time while you periodically got angry over the fact that you were staying in a shitty hotel yeah and i was starving and i yeah you couldn't even touch the food you were so mad no i had a good amount of food you wouldn't eat the pork belly no i didn't want any pork belly pork belly was the highlight of the whole no the noodles were the highlight of the night those things were phenomenal yeah we went to a place called duck duck goat in chicago highly recommend

highly wreck highly wreck i'm about to go back out to chicago or actually i'm there right now if you're listening to this podcast. Yeah. You should go to a place. There's an Italian place that's unbelievable that I went to. I'll figure out the name. I got to go back to my Croatian spot. Yeah. I got to get to my Croatian spot.

Oh, yeah. We talked about going there. Oh, and then that night, he and I did meet up for a drink. Yeah, you did. Yeah. We already covered that. Right next to the Croatian spot. Yeah.

That was at the cocktail bar where they took the dummy phone. Yeah. And I was in the back watching meet up for a drink. Yeah, you did. We already covered that. Right next to the Croatian spot. Yeah. That was at the cocktail bar where they took the dummy phone. Yeah. And I was in the back watching the hockey game. Yeah. Yeah. That was at like 11 p.m. They bring out your drinks in a coconut that's filled with smoke. That was so late.

That was so late to the point that it was clearly one of those times where you guys are already on your like sixth drink and you're like, oh, shit. We forgot to text Sass. It wasn't like that at all. I hadn't had a single drink. I guess let's get one more and we'll just have him come tag along no because francis was still at dinner when i went to that cocktail bar he waited for me i was literally solo dolo and i got the fucking appetizers separate group chat and i was slowly eating the appetizers so there would be enough for him when he got there

it was also one of those texts where it was like it wasn't like in the group chat like where should we go it was like roan texting me already the final plan it was like we're going to this place and i was like when did you guys discuss this because the group chat's been silent this entire time well dude i made an executive decision to go to some place that i wanted to go because there's nothing worse and you know who's the worst at this the ladies picking a fucking thing whether it be a fucking movie or a fucking place to go eat dinner or what to eat for dinner it's so much better to have a fucking pilot not having a driver when we went out to dinner the other night we're like spud

yeah fucking order the thai food for us drove the ship and i didn't even know what i was eating i didn't know what food it was just morsels it was a surprise so did you get drunk before or after your spots what i said did you get drunk before or after i was having a couple of cocktails you know not going ham or anything and then once my last one was over i i went back and that's when we really started drinking so you were drinking during yeah it's interesting in la it's just they don't do that in la they don't actually the bartenders won't even serve you until after you've gone up that's because they're they're forcing weed down your throat they're like wait before you go on stage let's shotgun this weed i did actually walk into the green room and and josh potter was in

there and he was like do you want a dab i was like god no dude oh my god i am insanely nervous and now i'm gonna do a dab you want some heavily instilled anxiety do you want to unearth a memory they just had a bartender who just had that like they just give you dabs yeah that high show there's a show out there that you're supposed to get high no this was comedy chaos hosted by sam tripoli it's the hottest show in la you can watch their recap video i'm on it are you really yeah it's me david spade sebastian and tim dylan over over like uh rights free music yeah exactly yeah it's hilarious everyone else comes out and they're like like they just show you coming out and everyone's like, and then I come out, I'm just zero emotion. Heart rate just 160.

Freaking the fuck out. You just see your Adam's apple like massive swallows and fucking throw up and spit. It was hilarious. Like in the video, you can visibly see how much more nervous I am than everyone else. Did you feel better after murdering though? Yeah, I felt better as soon as that first laugh hit where'd you go what was your first job first laugh hit like fucking hit a crack oh yeah you go u-haul out of the gates of course yeah you gotta go i just ran my don't tell set it was 10 minutes you gotta go u-haul out of the gates and then i'd go probably to i'd probably

go into dick's sporting goods maybe no i didn't do that. Save Dick's. Yeah. Save the Dick's, but then go into Intruder. Yeah. All right, let's not give away my entire set. All of this is going to be in my Don't Tell. Stop. Genuinely. This is all in my Don't Tell set. And the one word is actually the crux of the humor.

Well, no, but it's like now people are going to know what's coming, and I want them to not know. I want them to be surprised. Yes. And then go, whoa. Oh, my God. We've ruined it all. This kid is crazy.

The turn that this just took. I did not expect a U-Haul. Set of the night, they were calling it. Really? Yeah. Who else was on your don't tell? No one that you would know. What number, what is there, like

38 people that go? Six. What number of the six were you? Perfect. Best spot. Perfect. Hot spot. Yeah, they only give that to the killers. Not too late, not too early. Too early would have been brutal. Yeah, they do. What they do that's nice

is they have a host and then they have a warm-up comic and then they have the first recorded set so then no one has so no one has to go first yeah right so there's a killer that goes in yeah killer goes in sets the tone yeah an assassin i said i would have gone first just let them know let them know up top what's going on right and then just walk out i would have gone up i would have gone up just done another 10 and then gone up and done my actual 10 yeah warm up for yourself yeah did uh did you leave afterwards or did you know i had to go back up why because i fucked up uh oh you went i stuttered what do they call that again i don't know but i fucked up this

is the worst part i fucked up the fuck up. When you did it again? And I didn't fix it. Because I was like, I can't. I was like, I can't go up a third time. Couldn't you just... You could have taken it again, though. I didn't know I fucked up until after I left. Oh, really?

Yeah. How did you not know? Because I thought I fucked up a line. I didn't fuck up any jokes. All my jokes were fine. I stuttered aggressively at one point and it was right before a joke and i was like i got to go up and re-say that wait your voice just cracked you want to take it i was like i got to go up it was close it was close to being

really bad and then i and then i went up and i like made a joke about having to redo it and then and then i said the line and it was the wrong line oh no yeah so i got a clean take of a line that was already clean oh bummer yeah well keeping the stutter in is almost like it's like oh this guy's human too it's like having a chip on a on a sculpture you know what i mean it's like it humanizes the artist yeah exactly it's like when louis has like uh sweat stains on his sweatshirt during a special yeah when he has like mustard down the fucking center of his shirt yeah that's what they said they were like this is very similar to louis this is a very louis move yeah louis would actually cover himself in mustard like pinto ron yeah yeah on purpose he would have a makeup artist that he pays forty thousand dollars

a month. I had to watch a bunch of Rocky clips to get myself amped up. You watched the speech, the Mick speech? I know you're a speech man. I watched a lot of speeches. There was a lot of speech watching. I also watched the Oilers win 8-1, which was just incredible. They're down 3-1 now? Yeah.

It's probably over by now. What do you mean it's probably over? That series is going to seven for sure. I hope. I fucking pray. You think Dallas is going to come back against the Celtics? That ends tonight. Well, this is Thursday, bro. We're on Thursday now.

You have to give a choose your own adventure. People know. People understand. We're wearing the exact same outfits we were wearing on the last episode. I mean, that's you, though, every single day. That is true. It's more telling that Ronan and I are wearing the same outfit. That is true. You make a good point.

A very good point. A fucking strong, curious point. I drove down to see my dad for Father's Day. No, you didn't. I thought that was tonight. I went, came back to record these shows, and now I'm going back to the Phillies game tonight. It's easy to get to Philadelphia. Not not that easy it's not that easy it's incredible how much you like you say it's easy but it's still like a two and a half hour drive oh it's an hour and

50 minutes right it's probably 245 getting back last night with traffic oh shit well but it's usually an hour 50 it's usually an hour 50 yeah it was i went out there for philly helium five sold out shows they it took me two and a half hours i almost missed the beginning of the show on via the train i left at 3 30 i guess this guy was taking the local yeah i got there and the dude that was doing a guest spot on my show shane gillis i don't know if you know him he was already there it's crazy when they like when someone else arrives before the headliner yeah well he just takes the craft more seriously than you because he's still on his ascent and you kind of have this uh devil may care i've retired

i'm done like that i'm just gonna i'm gonna be like jerry seinfeld and just run that 10 minutes forever palestine protesters are gonna come to your shows What do you want me to do about it? I was driving down, and this is a new development, but now my dog gets so fucking car sick. Oh, yeah. It was the comedy of errors. This dog could not stop throwing up. I just got the car washed, and this dog is throwing up. The Porsche or the Ferrari?

It was the Tesla, the fucking Tesla. Yeah. The Cybertruck. The truck. Yeah. And I just got it wrapped too. Like a West Coast customs wrap where when you drive past it, it changes colors. And the dog is thrown up and the fucking wrap starts to peel up because of how acerbic the fucking throw up was it was fucking nasty work

and then we like had to pull over at a rest stop at the last second late for father's day and then the dog steps outside and just starts fucking the nastiest shit coming out of its ass yeah like it was just both ends and we were like literally like maybe 20 seconds away from the dog shitting inside the car and then i would have been throwing up in the car just hurtling down the new jersey turnpike the dog's throwing up and shitting and then i'm throwing up and my fucking wife's throwing up what this is pretty dramatic i don't know what i'm saying what do you try i definitely would have if the dog started shitting the dog shit in the car you and your wife both would have thrown up if you had seen this shit dude if you'd seen this shit it was the fucking it was like bro my entire for 18 years

i had to walk outside and clean up my dogs yeah but your dogs have classic dry beautiful shits this was there was fucking placenta on this shit yeah that's what my dogs were like after birth yeah i would be cleaning up shit and there'd be like white shit all over it the white shit is that's clean and nice this was fucking coated in embryonic fluid dude the fucking sack had burst you know what's really weird that my dogs do when we drive when we go somewhere and we drive by the place that we got our dogs they bark like they know that's where they are from that's where they were stolen from yeah that's where we got them and we'll drive by that's where they are from. That's where they were stolen from. Yeah, that's where we got them.

And we'll drive by that exit and they just start howling. Really? Yeah, it's very strange. Wow. Damn. Tough. Makes you think. What happened to them there?

Right. What was it? They probably went to the same fucking groomer that your dogs go to. They got fucked. If you want to hear what happened in that that's listen to episode 126 a bunch of tail lifters that's a callback the tailback oh yeah what the fuck am i saying um then we ate taco bell on the way home incredible that's probably why your dog was shitting all over no i woke up this morning and i had my most probably one of my top three most

beautiful shits of the year i I think Taco Bell's a lot healthier than people let on. It's just a limited amount of ingredients. It is kind of like dog food, honestly. In a good way. It's just like ground beef. I don't know if I've ever had it. It's not great. I don't love Taco Bell.

I don't think I've ever had Taco Bell. It's fucking great. It's also, you don't need a lot. All you need is one Crunchwrap and then you're good. That's enough food for one person. Crunchwrap Supreme? Yeah. I don't like that the Crunchwrap Supreme has the Cheez Whiz on it, though. I'm more of a Cheesy Gordita Crunch guy.

I'm not very... You're not versed on it? This is a slap in the face to Hank. Wait till I tell Hank. Tell Hank? I don't give a shit. What? Hank comes from a long line of Taco Bells. What? Oh, his family owns them or something?

Yeah. I swear I did know that. I always forget these weird- Oh, really? I didn't know that. You didn't know that? No. I forget these rumors.

It's the truth. Oh, I didn't know that. That's interesting. His family was early franchisers of- Of Taco Bell? Of Taco Bell in New England. Hank actually coined the phrase Yokiero Taco Bell. Dude, I was –

Those were his first words. It was his chihuahua in the commercials. I know a guy who is from – he went to Columbia. He played basketball. He's a really smart guy. He's well off. And his work is that he has franchised burger kings yeah and he i guess he runs or owns like i don't know three or four now and he keeps buying them and then it's a bad one

to franchise and i said to him what's the what's the hardest thing of it for you and he goes staffing it's impossible yeah like i'll get a call at the middle of the day on a Tuesday from the manager of the store. And they're like, three of our employees can't come today. One has a parole hearing. One is, like, home with their child. And the other this. And he has to go in and run the register. Oh.

At a Burger King. Tell him to hang up, hang it up. That sounds not worth it at all. He's had to go in and, like, dip the fry basket himself. Just close down the Burger King while the people can't work at the Burger King. Tell him to hang up, hang it up. He's had to go in and like dip the fry basket himself. Just close down the Burger King while the people can't work at the Burger King. You lose a lot of money, man. Those things are cash cows. I also think that it's such an inglorious, perceived to be this inglorious career.

Like we need to fucking rehabilitate the idea of a fast food worker because people just think it's like a shit place to work their restaurants whereas a fucking starbucks it's like probably hard to get a job at a starbucks everybody wants to work at a starbucks yeah they pay a lot to be a barista my little sister worked at a starbucks for like two weeks and quit because they put her in a group chat and it had some weird name that she didn't like. It was some gay name. They were all gay. Everyone that worked there was gay.

Yeah. And she's homophobic. It runs in your blood. I gotta ask her what it was called. It was something hilarious with rainbows and shits not during pride month bro she can't quit the fucking she can't quit the gay group chat during cry she quit the job what the because the group chat name was annoying what there must have been another reason they're asked to do the fucking most at starbucks at least at burger king it's

just like i'll have a number six yeah fucking drink orders that people are chefing up at fucking starbucks you have skills insane cocktail mixer i don't know how you even uh decide that you like that no how do you pick your drink how do you how do women pick their starbucks drinks um they watch other women do it and then that has to be it they decide well that's what i'm supposed to have right that they like walk in and like see a girl that's hotter than them drinking a certain drink and they're like i want the fucking hot girls drink those frappuccinos are so good with the drizzle on the whipped cream they're 1400 calories but yeah but also a frappuccino is probably like that's's like a 1996-ass drink. Yesterday, I had a Skier Bowl and then a Frappuccino.

A cheeky Frappuccino. All I get from Starbucks is just nice coffee. Black. Black. No cream, no sugar. They should let you fill your own up. They should be like the fucking machines that, like, you should be able to soft serve, self-serve a fucking. Because waiting in line when you just want a black cold

brew yeah and somebody's ordering a fucking like three pumps of vanilla two pumps of caramel one pump of fucking chocolate i agree with that it's bullshit it should just be a fucking thing i should go to some oh we're gonna say i don't know now continue please take it away are you for real that's the first time i've ever seen that happen. I've never seen you back off. Ron, don't listen to him. Continue, please. Fucking just barreling forward.

Francis, I think Ron's trying to say something right now. So maybe we pull back a little bit. Christ almighty, this guy. Yeah. I know you probably got a little brain fog right now from the fucking 10 Negronis you had last night. But some of us are trying to work right now. I didn't have anything to drink yesterday. Supposedly.

I took Sunday off. Detox day. I'm not going to drink until Thursday. Wow. That's brave. Take four nights off in the summer, dude. I don't know. That to me is a win.

I'm probably around fucking a lot of nights off in the summer, dude. That to me is a win. I'm probably around fucking a lot of nights off. Dude, check this country song out. It goes, I swore off the bottle last Saturday night. I spent Sunday thinking about doing right.

On Monday and Tuesday, I'm in it to win. But come around Wednesday, I'm drinking again. You don't like that, bro? No, that song sucks. That's a good-ass song. That song sucks. You didn't even let him bring it home.

I didn't even resolve the chord, but I knew as soon as he brought it up that it was a bad song. Can you imagine being full-time producers on this show? It's literally about what he's talking about, dude. On Wednesday, he's drinking again. I don't relate to you guys because you guys have crippling alcohol addiction. Some southern guy. That's not us. He's doing a song.

Let's do the song that you would fucking sing. I swore off the bottle last night. Oh, eight months have passed. Still swore it off. Finally turned out my light at 4 a.m. But I got up at 5 because I had diarrhea. It's the same for me night after night i don't know why but i'll just keep on living and not take stock of my life yeah got your ass i've

taken complete i'm in i've taken complete control over my life unlike you guys you guys are slaves to the bottle nobody's shits are as big of a problem for them as yours are. Mine looked like a coil infinity sign this morning. What? My sober counter expired. Because I didn't pay the subscription. Dumbass. So you're fucking, you might as well be drinking.

208 days, minus one, of course. Yeah, right. For my glorious blowout. No way. It doesn't count if you're fucking like smoke getting like high as fuck off the CBD dabs in L.A. That's true. It does count. No, it doesn't.

It's drinking, bro. I'm still on PCP. All right. Good shit. You're on the Ben Mintz. I'm on the Ben Mintz. Would you guys have any interest in. Tell me. Tell me your thoughts on Burning Man

not even close have we talked about Burning Man no but I would I went through like a weird phase where I was like this looks like it might be cool and then I got older

and I was like this looks awful Rowan what do you think it's not even a music festival no it's like an arts festival well what the fuck is an art festival

I think it's just like so girls can go like sell crystals and shit and like dudes can be naked so i'm an artist when i was in la for not for don't tell but later for the premiere tires on netflix yeah um which i was in that sounds fun yeah it was good how long were you out there for? In a way? More of like a one and done kind of guy. I was out there long enough to... Fly out Sunday, leave Monday. No, I'm going to fly out Monday, leave Monday.

I go for as little time as possible. When I go out, that's what I want to do. But then I go out there and fucking spade and all these guys are like, you got to stay for the late show. And I'm like, fuck. No, they're like... Push back the flight. They're like, we have the same ideology that the homeless people should control most of the city that's you can't really shit on the

homeless people in la when we live in new york city but they it's like the the takeover that they have the tents that they have is fucking insane dude it's worse here the the homeless in maine i was home in maine a couple weeks ago yeah they are dishonest did i tell you this no they have signs up that say like hey i need four dollars for a bus fare yeah to get them get passing through and i was like to where we're at the end of the country yeah canada we are there's the entire everything to the right is Atlantic Ocean. Yeah. You know, where did they come from? Where are they thinking they're going to?

How do they get stranded here? They're in the cul-de-sac. Yeah, you're not passing through. You need to turn around. You need to turn around and go back. I need to get back home. Dishonest homeless people. I know. Fools.

But when I was in LA, I was this uh this table of people at an outdoor bar who um they're like they they're a big part of their life all year is planning their burning men they go every year they're called burners and this is a culture this is a big culture in la yeah and they do different events to raise money for camp they call it for camp and they run their camp with you know meal prep and food and all of this and they you have to buy their drugs and they have to you know make sure that there's sleeping space and adequate and it sounds like they're planning sort of a commune type thing they go for a full week yeah unless it rains and there's lots of judgment of people who don't actually adhere to the unwritten rules of burning man they don't like people who go out just to hook

up with people you know they do different types of drugs the whole time there's also sort of suit you know people that soothe you if you're having a bad trip or there's like tents of medical people that will help i'm not a drug guy on that level oh you should talk to harry about this he's actually our drug guy now yeah we usually just keep it to like the legal things like booze and stuff but ever since he spent a little time in la i know it's the culture out there man i don't know i can't decide if the right place for me to do lsd would be burning man or if it could if it would be the worst place for me to do it yeah do you understand what i'm saying yeah it's a place that seems set up particularly to elevate the experience of doing acid with controls and and you know people around

who can calm you down if you're not they know exactly how to talk to you and treat you but having never done it i mean i think i get freaked out if i'm thirsty yeah and we're in a desert you know and i can't escape did you see last year when they rained no no air conditioning yeah they couldn't get the cars and they And they had to rescue people. Imagine being on acid for that. These burners said that much more was made of that than was actually true. Yeah, because they don't want that black eye on their Burning Man. Yeah, there was one Honda Civic that got its back tires stuck and everyone freaked out.

I just saw a video of Chris Rock getting rescued from Burning Man. Yeah, he was hanging onto a single rope from a helicopter. Like Rambo. getting like rescued from burning man yeah he was hanging on to a single rope from a helicopter like rambo the last time i did acid i think i was at a nascar race and it was fucking awesome oh that sounds wrong to me too it was very nice so noisy it was noisy but it didn't that the the noise isn't like uh that wasn't the main thing that bothered me. What was? The rain. Oh. I think just the weather, the rain. It was raining?

There was just some people. You did acid when you went on vacation, and you hiked that mountain, and then you had to go. What did the mountain? You hiked a mountain. That's not what you said, bro. And luckily, you're Jewish, so you could say what you said. I was talking about a mountain. I said you hiked a mountain.

No, you did not say that. Yes did you said you hiked a mountain and then you had a freak out and then you had to go watch like finding nemo in the ocean you know i watched the lion king yeah you watched the lion king snorkel for five hours yeah then the rainstorm happened then too dude whenever yeah dude you have an acid problem which is a weird problem to have it's like a strange problem that was that was too much acid i think if you are like a drug addict who's addicted to acid they just kill you like the government just comes and shoots you or they're like welcome son your your mind is ready for the cia yeah yeah welcome brother you're fucking you've passed the mk ultra tests the group chat was called uh it was called fruity flies with a trans flag and a gay flag and a fly was there because there's so many fruit flies at

starbucks no because they were all gay why was it there's no is there no starbucks nod here no that's just what the group chat was called i I see. So, like, why not just fruits? I think it was just supposed to be like a flower. What do the flies have to do with it? All right, never mind. Scratch it. Ask her. Scratch it.

Ask her the etymology of the fly. Because there's probably a lot of restaurants get fruit flies if you don't clean up enough. Yeah, you know what? That's probably what it was. Was Starbucks leaving its fruit out too long? Because this could be a class action suit against Starbucks. That's right. And my sister's not homophobic, by the way. I think I should clear that up. Yeah, right, bro. too long because this could be a class action suit against starbucks that's right if the and

my sister's not homophobic by the way like i should clear that up yeah right bro that segment has like people probably stopped listening after that segment they're not gonna in the middle of prime month they're not gonna circle back she's a huge war mode fan is she yeah yeah her bio on instagram is who's going to investigate the investigators they weren't homophobic were they they just believe in the nuclear family yeah what did uh wait go finish what you were talking about what was i talking about something about something do you want to ever talk about how tires was i feel like we literally have never talked about it since it came out it came out we were in chicago like uh nick and kb uh and rudy rudely made fun of it francis was so mad he called me the next day crying and then what happened that what would happen the episodes after that we didn't

talk about it we had war mode on oh no i wasn't here for that week you weren't here you weren't here that week and then we have war mode and then we have war mode so maybe you could talk about tires because uh people probably would like to hear about that yeah sure i mean um i feel like we've kind of alluded to it enough uh i will say they just put out the blooper reel and that was a fun walk down memory lane yeah everybody made me feel like I was there. Yeah. Well, you just see how the scenes are built. Yeah. Which was my favorite part of it. You know, it's weird.

Like, acting, I think, I find it hard. I don't, you know, dramatic acting is, I don't know. I don't have that, really. And this was just improvising. So, when you don't know what someone's gonna say it makes reacting naturally much more easy uh and the way we would do these scenes is we had like plot points that we had to convey and then we would just do a take that was right down the middle and then we would start over and this time we would stretch it out a little or you know kind

of riff around and then if we got something from that take that was good uh mckeever would tell us like do it again say that again or try this but usually you're just trying to make your scene partner laugh yeah and so like in that scene where i'm talking to shane about um your wife my wife we had so much fun with that uh initially he said the first time he i said she's polynesian and he goes how much time does she have and i had no idea he was gonna say that and i couldn't speak yeah i knew i was supposed to keep going and i sat there just open mouth like that's so funny that i can't i all i can do right now is try to not laugh and then i i couldn't yeah but then i was also doing a riff where um i was trying

to play that you know the sort of la fitness yeah like cult of wellness guy yeah there's like the grounding and the breath work and the cryo and all that and so i was talking him through like the workouts we would do at the job that i was trying to get him to and i go uh i said uh we're gonna do the big three and i was thinking air sea and land yeah like like a triathlon every morning or something and And I was like, we're going to hit the ocean, shake hands with Poseidon. And, uh, he goes,

huh? Like you can hear him process it. Yeah. And then I go, then we're going to get on the bike and then he loses it. Yeah. And so then you hit that again. Cause you're like,

well, that's funny if we can get that. Um, and then the George Blaine window pane thing. Is that naturally came up? Well, no, they gave me, they gave me the name and that, and then the George Blaine windowpane thing. That naturally came up? Well, no, they gave me the name and that,

and then him saying, so I'm going to be Shane from George Blaine's windowpanes, and we couldn't get through that. And there's something about sitting really close. We were really, that was, I made a choice as the character to just be really close to him all the time. And when you're sitting really close to someone when you say things it's hard not to laugh yeah laughter is like yeah it's like an ultraviolet light that only the bees can see there was one scene that i uh we were sad to

cut and it was a scene with me and kyla um where i come up and start talking to her about how much potential i see in her to like turn her body around yeah yeah yeah and i'm telling her that my wife used to be like sort of pudgy like her yeah um and in the same breath i'm like yeah that was during the era when she was fucking this fireman but she says she stopped and i earned that um and there was like so many there were so many funny things like that uh that in that scene but it just didn't really make sense from the plot um damn that's that's the story so are they gonna run it back that like uh you guys had a nice little golf outing on uh last sat Yeah, I think I'll be back in season two. Hopefully, I don't want to jinx it, but I feel pretty good about that.

I think it'll be a much bigger production this time because now it's Netflix now. When we did it... You were trying to sell it? The first time, Shane just paid for it out of his own pocket, produced the whole thing. We shot it very quickly we thought it would just probably go on youtube or maybe behind you know a paywall like the gillian keeves special and uh then a few months later netflix picked it up and um now it's like a it's gonna be like a full you know production with like i guess trailers and stuff like that kind of fun so i'm excited about it you talk to them about writing something in for the sass man maybe just like a little everyone

keeps on saying this but i've never asked or like insinuated that oh yeah i died to be on the show i told i people keep coming up to me like well are you gonna be at season two it's like i have no fucking clue yeah there's been no signs that i've yeah no i talked to gurkies about it i was like you know there's this kid little sasquatch he goes he goes little what and he goes why is he still calling himself that i've i've met him before and i was like i don't know i think he's trying to disavow himself from it but uh it's proving harder because of the brand he built on twitter and he goes oh is he the guy that did the draft video and i said yeah that guy and he's like well that's not gonna work yeah in the show well what can you do well maybe someone could get drafted or like maybe it's like

this an analogous scene and like you get drafted to like the war or something yeah yeah that's a good idea um and it's something like that nobody would actually draft you for yeah or the tire company has a draft they're drafting people to be at the next tire company yeah and then we could throw a real logical wrench in it by having everyone would know that what you were getting drafted for would obviously be in a high paying job and someone could say out of nowhere how are you going to pay the rent yeah that would be good and funny i'll make sense are you getting bored or not loving this bit at all exhausted from what from flying i'm jet lagged damn i can't believe you talked for an hour i um we also haven't talked about your special at all good call oh yeah that yeah. That was awesome.

That was so fun to watch. When is that coming out? I don't know. They're editing it right now. Is it going to be on Netflix? Probably not. Probably. I would say.

This guy keeps on slaying. If Netflix comes and sees you live at the fucking, at the stand and sees how you have people scream, throw up laughing, people fucking projectile vomiting from laughter. That's why my dog was shitting itself yeah i was a fucking i was recounting some of francis's best work yeah it's intra-species it's interesting too because typically rescues aren't my crowd yeah you like the pure breed it's just i don't know I tend to relate more. To the Goldens. To the Purebreds. But sure enough, it's that translatable humor. Yeah, it cuts across different socioeconomic backgrounds.

But yeah, your special was very fun to go to. Well, it was really nice having you guys there. That meant a lot. It felt like a real team effort. Got to enjoy it all together. Sass was having fun. He was ripping it felt like a real team effort you know got to enjoy it all together and sass sass was having fun he was ripping it up there tried to hold back wanted to leave some meat on the bone no sass could not stop cracking the nas it was almost like uh it was almost sad seeing someone who's such a professed anti-beer guy like trying to guzzle down as much of the beer flavor as he could just so he could harken back to an age when he was actually slamming actual brewskis yeah pretty accurate it was sad

yeah it was twitchy it was twitchy almost yeah you had a i was super nervous i was more nervous than you were do non-alcoholic beers actually make you relax a little bit yeah it's placebo just having it in your hand yeah placebo sounds like a word that is a combination of placenta and gazebo and i wonder what that would look like oh man a gazebo made out of placenta it kind of is like um it's kind of like a weird combination of the word like place and oh Lace an O. I don't get it. I don't know why that... That wasn't a topper. Not that mine was funny.

I wasn't even trying to be. It was a thing. And mine made much more sense. I'm going off of like three hours of sleep right now. I need you to loosen up on me. Throw elbow in there. Place elbow. Place elbow. of like three hours of sleep right now and you should lose enough elbow in there uh place elbow place elbow it made more sense in my head and then i said it and i was like no it doesn't make sense at all i think that gazebos are bullshit there's nothing enjoyable about a gazebo i'll tell you

what they're good for i love it you get caught in a fucking lightning storm you go to the gazebo that's a nice little hut yeah safety or if let's put it this way rich man's hut if you are say uh a young commandant in the military and you're dating a 16 year old who's just about to turn 17 um and you want to teach her the ways of life because she doesn't know much right uh that is a good place to give her that lesson yeah do you get this reference i'm trying to pick it up only one to get it is it from he's definitely not gonna get it i don't think i have it you are 16 going on 17 you've got a lot to learn the sound of music do you think?

I've never seen The Sound of Music. I don't think you've ever seen anything. I've seen so many more movies than you, and I've seen The Sound of Music like eight times. I've seen it at least eight times. Yeah. I had to watch it for like every single class ever in high school. All right, then start rattling off. Go head to head on facts of Sound of Music.

I saw The Sound of Music live. So did I. I saw the play. I saw it on Broadway. Yeah. When I was a little kid. It was intense. They drop the swastika flags and you're like, whoa.

It's crazy because you're like, if someone walked into this room right now, it would look like we're just at like a Nazi rally. Yeah, that's tough. Just massive swastikas hanging from the ceiling. I think people would understand that this singing of like a doe, a deer, a female deer wasn't necessarily. The flags are like jarring when they come down. To be honest with you, so that's it.

This is interesting. Do you know what age you saw that at? Yeah, I was probably like 13. Did you see it in Boston? Yeah. I saw it in New York. I think I was like four years old. Yeah. And I don't remember much of it.

I did have a crush. I had a crush on the little girl. So long. Farewell. Auf Wiedersehen. Good night. Good night. It's a good musical.

It's great. It's a good movie too. It's amazing. It's too long. It's like three hours or four hours long. It's two different videotapes. We had to pop one out in the middle there's an intermission and then put the next one and they had and they played the reprise of uh yeah we would always watch it in like music class and it would be like all right i guess i know what we're doing for the next month

because it's you can't finish it in one class and dude it has you wondering how do you solve a problem like maria yeah it's like a flibbert e jibbit a willow how do you solve a problem like Maria? Yeah. It's like a flibbertigibbetawillaboy. How do you solve a problem like Maria? That was really good. We all do know it. This is fun. It's crazy that you think I wouldn't know sound of music. Well, I was surprised that neither of you picked up on the reference there. I was thinking, to be honest, I was thinking like fucking...

I thought like The Notebook or some shit. Yeah, that's a decent pick up. I was thinking of that andrew garfield movie i think they're in a gazebo when when they do the whole you are 16 going on 17th song right and she's just horny for nazi dick yeah she's like i need a fucking nazi in me the problem is that you described it as a soldier who's dating a 16 year old and that pretty much sums up most military movies like that could have been saving private ryan well 16 turning 17 yeah i thought would have been going on i was trying to walk you to the to the good if you said going on 17 i would have known immediately i'm better

than that i'm fucking i'm gonna be kicking myself tonight i'm gonna be watching the game tape you should see i should have made that connection right there that's okay why do they what what do they have against the nazis in that movie what do they what what do they have against the nazis in that movie what are the von trapp families have against the nazis because they're pretty boilerplate into what the nazis would have loved that family yeah yeah yeah but it's that they're they're nationalistic they're they love austria it's their homeland and the nazis have invaded to take it over that sweet sweet edelweiss where is the sudetenland what is that is that part of belgium i don't know no clue i am part belgian but i don't know about it the sudetenland i don't know

that was the piece of the original sort of german uh empire that hitler really wanted to restore sudetenland it was his ukraine really yeah Yeah. It was Crimea? Yeah. Interesting. I didn't know that, I didn't know Hitler felt that way about that kind of shit. Well, then he started feeling that way about Poland and Belgium and the whole, everything.

Everything. He wanted it all. He wanted the world. When really he was like more of a Burning Man guy. He was just like taking meth and painting. Yeah. Which is like kind of a Burning Man.

If Hitler had had Burning Man, Yeah. a lot of Jews would have saved their lives. I mean, let's put it this way he would have raised a lot more money for camp oh yeah because you know he was convincing get away with words yeah yeah honestly as a speech guy it's like that norm bit where he's like talking about going back in time to kill baby hitler and he's like i'd just be worried that i would fall into his gaze that i just fall in love with those eyes of his he was charming allegedly allegedly allegedly he charmed people i'm not i'm not out of turn for saying hitler was charming no he people fell victim to his charm it's crazy that how many people

were there's so many germans still alive today like jesus like germans who look aryan it's like you guys had to have had people in your family that were like on board oh absolutely yeah and now they're just playing in like euro 2024 yeah they just are just going to soccer games whooping it up wearing scarves dude that that came out of nowhere. All of a sudden, I'm seeing images of people at soccer bars in New York City watching Croatia play. I had no idea Euro was happening. Oh, it's happening right now?

Yeah. I've just been watching the hockey and the NBA. We got that. We got the Olympics to follow. Yeah, the Olympics are going to be cool. I'm excited about the Olympics. They had the trials this week. Who's on trial a lot of people damn a girl world record yeah i think the swimming is gonna be fun i wonder if there's some good

american stars that we can get behind yeah leah thomas yeah no she didn't she didn't it. She's got too much drag. Oh, I did a drag show the other night. Did I tell you guys about that? No. I did the drag show at the stand last week on Sunday. Did you wear drag? No.

Yeah, I can't imagine. It was insane. I killed. They're calling me king of the drag. Want to tell us about it? They're calling me the drag king. Were the performers in drag or everyone else? you were the only one not in drag there was me and another girl and we were the only ones not in drag what yeah and you were just twinked out i had to go up at 3 p.m on

a sunday but that's like prime drag brunch hours yeah they probably had just enough bubbles in them yeah it was good they were giggly it was fun it was very funny i thought i was gonna bomb and it ended up going very well they were very good crowd nice did you make it did you do your transphobic set no you're saving that i don't think all drag people are trans i didn't say they were well then why would it why would they be mad if i did a transphobic set because they sympathize in this pride month they tend to be pretty uh lgbt if i did if i did a drag phobic set that could be a problem. Who's drag phobic?

They were all gay. It was all gay people. Are there straight drag queens? Yeah, I'm sure. I would think so. Really? Yeah, maybe. What? What? I think it's like being like a male stripper. There's straight male strippers. One of my boys is starting to get into stripping.

Did I tell you that? I. I told you guys this. He went to Amateur Nightmare 350 Bones. Yeah. Whoa. It's a good day on the poles. Great day. Fucking Reuters. Well, we got to...

Let's end. Perfect. We got to record a bunch of shit next week, because I'm going to Wyoming. I can record on... Well, the Beer Olympics are next week. I guess I can record on Monday, and then I'll fly back on Wednesday. I can record on Wednesday as well next week because I'm going to Wyoming. I can record on, well, the Beer Olympics are next week. I guess I can record on Monday and then I'll fly back on Wednesday. I can record on Wednesday as well next week. We're going to have to do

two episodes both days. That's fine. I'm not scared. Of course. Yeah. Well, thank you guys for listening. We'll be back next week. Goodbye. Days were drifting Before, before was I So, so then you listen

Now I come alive I was only falling one way I was only falling one way I was only falling one way I was only falling away Vanished to your eyes Did you realize No one can take me alive I was only falling one way.

See it just a distant light. Being fast, forever bright. Calling just a memory. Take my hand and you can see I'm alive. Bye. And I'm falling And I'm falling And I'm falling And I'm falling And I'm falling And it's true you're right Vanished to your eyes Did you realize

No one could take me alive