Son of a Boy Dad - No Complaints Here - Son of a Boy Dad: Ep. #113 ft. Tommy Smokes
Episode Date: May 9, 2023No Complaints Here - Son of a Boy Dad: Ep. #113 ft. Tommy Smokes -- Lil Sas & Rone are joined by Tommy Smokes to discuss many things -- Ad: Gametime... Download the Gametime app or go to https://barst...ool.link/GametimeApp, enter your email, and redeem code BOYDAD for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply). -- Ad: HelloFresh... Go to HelloFresh.com/son16 and use code son16 for 16 free meals plus free shipping! -- Ad: Rough N Rowdy... Rough N’ Rowdy 21 invades West Virginia this Friday night May 12 at 8PM eastern. Witness every second of the action by ordering now on BUYRNR.COM. -- Follow us on our socials: https://linktr.ee/sonofaboydad -- Merch: https://store.barstoolsports.com/collections/son-of-a-boy-dad -- SUBSCRIBE TO THE YOUTUBE #SonOfABoyDad #BarstoolSportsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad
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Hey, son of a boy dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
There's no other excuse for a human to be this pathetic.
You go camping all the time.
No, if you've had Lyme disease, sometimes the shit persists for 20 years.
You've had it?
I've had it for over 20 years.
I had it when I was a child.
Then that means that that's probably what it is.
That's probably why you're always so sleepy and running on fumes and tie-tie.
No, it probably has to do with traveling for three weeks straight.
No, I travel all the time, and you rack up more complaints in a week than I do in a year.
Dude, I did Uber Eats a thermometer today.
And the thermometer said i was not sick but i sure as hell felt sick you could you be another type of sick i think it's just i
think i had covid and i think it's just like lingering sounds like it's up your nose the
sickness and do i sound bad oh. It's just nasally.
You sound like Tommy Smokes does normally.
Yeah, I do have a rather nasally voice.
Yeah.
It's part of my Jewishness.
I like it, though.
My pretend Jewishness.
Yeah, you're more Muslim than anything.
Yeah, I do.
I've been getting that a lot lately.
Salaam alaikum, brother.
Shalom.
Akbar.
Yeah, a lot of Akbar indeedalaam alaikum, brother. Aaloo akbar.
Yeah, aaloo akbar indeed.
Yeah, let's start.
Oh, are we not already roughing?
It's all getting gut.
It's all getting gut.
It's all getting gut.
I made fun of Sass. That does not make episode.
You can't talk down on Sass in episode.
Yeah, welcome to the show.
Tommy Smokes.
What's up?
Recurring guest.
How many times have you been on the show before?
You should know that.
It's probably like four or five.
I might be your most frequent guest.
Yeah.
That sucks for us.
We make magic together.
I'm just kidding.
I don't know why I'm being hostile towards you.
I fucking love you, Tommy.
I don't know why I have any type of hostility towards you.
Yeah, you walked in with a little bit of hostility to you.
Because I'm an easy target.
Yeah, and you're okay with it. You just make it fun for everybody to crack jokes on you.
Yeah, that's because I have a thick skin and those who come at me are insecure.
Is that true?
Yeah.
Your smile looks different. Have you been having Invisalign or some shit?
I've been using, actually actually Crest White Strips.
Really?
Yeah, I just actually finished my treatment yesterday.
Did they hurt your gums?
So, yeah, I was feeling real bad teeth sensitivity,
but I had also had dental work done,
so I'm not sure which it was.
Tommy, what disease do you have?
Crohn's?
What the fuck does that mean?
Do you have some sort of immune autoimmune AIDS
type thing? I just look like
I do. Are you like immune
compromised or something? I have acid
reflux. That might be what you're thinking of.
I'm definitely not immune compromised.
Who's immune compromised? I thought you were immune compromised.
No, that would be news to me. Robbie is?
He has Raynoids. Oh, okay.
Maybe I have Raynoids. Is that contagious?
No, but Kate has it too
But it's like
You just get cold all the time
Oh I'm hot as fuck
Yeah you are
I'm sweating my ass off
Always
We love you bro
Waking up just gliding
Through the sheets
It's so gross
And my
No I haven't been sweating at night
Yeah
Which is nice
So maybe you're not sick?
Dude it's just waking up the whole body is in pain
just rolling around in bed i mean i also didn't sleep at all last night i went to bed at like
2 30 woke up at like 7 how long have you been feeling this way two weeks whenever i hear
someone's sick i wonder if they could get me sick and how sick i would be i don't think i doubt i'm
contagious do you think that you have a higher threshold than Sass?
I mean, I don't think I have a higher threshold than most people,
but it seems like maybe Sass.
But maybe Sass is the one.
I mean, I felt fine.
I felt better last week, and then I went to San Francisco, felt okay,
and then the flight back really broke me down.
You're just in tune with your body.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Probably.
You're just locked in.
Do you think that complaining makes you feel better?
It does.
Does it?
It makes me feel like people understand what I'm going through.
Fuck yeah.
Unload that shit then, bro.
I can listen.
If there's a means to the complaining, or if there's like an ends to the complaining,
I'm here for it.
There's never an end.
But there will always be something new to complain about.
You know what I mean An end's like
I love to complain
Yeah
You are a big ass complainer
Yeah
Oh yeah
Why not
Yeah
I need some fucking
Bring other people down with you
Let's talk about
Let's talk about your work Ron
Let's talk about the Writers Guild
We're on strike
Actually I shouldn't even be
Talking to you guys
Yeah what are you
Have you gotten any like
Emails or anything
That you can read us
I've been getting tons of emails.
What are they saying?
They're just like, vote on this, and I'm just ignoring it.
Oh, dude.
You gotta be a part of the guild.
But why?
That could be all you have one day.
The guild?
Yeah.
But nothing I do is written.
They'll take care of your children when you're old.
I just go off the top, bro.
There's no writer's guild for freestyle battlers.
You're not a freestyle battler.
Harry Mack's not in the guild.
I'm not in the guild, bro.
You're in the guild.
Are you in the SAG as well?
We were talking about that.
No, I'm not in the SAG.
I'll see what the emails say.
Is this from your James Corden venture?
Yeah, to write for a show, you have to be in the writer's guild.
What is it?
WGA?
I wouldn't know about that, Tommy.
Would you?
No, I wouldn't.
I'm in the Guild, too.
You're not in the Guild.
Ronan's a plus one.
Oh, shit.
I heard he was going to take me, though.
Bro, there's a picket line at Peacock, and they're inviting me.
I have to RSVP if I want to be part of today's picket.
It starts at 1.30.
Is that in New York?
Yeah, at the fucking Peacock building.
At Peacock New Front.
There's a Peacock building in New York?
It's going to be pouring rain all day.
It's just like NBC.
How bad do they really want to hold that line?
415 5th Avenue between 37th and 38th.
We're picketing.
That's pretty close.
Or we could break the picket line
and walk in and like write for snl
this week yeah yeah some credits is this a good opportunity to start just being like yeah i'll
write on your fucking shows or then or then once the strike ends everybody will hate you and you'll
never get work yeah that's exactly what would happen i don't want to do whatever would make
the most people like me having i don't think you can be like the one dude on snl who's like
guys this opportunity is so crazy.
Let's just write for free.
No, but I mean like us, like people who aren't in the guild.
No, they're definitely not just letting strangers in the building to write sketches.
Non-union?
That would be pretty funny.
Sometimes you need a non-union guy to like build like your fucking bathroom or something like that.
It can be a little bit cheaper.
Yeah, that is true.
Everybody uses non-union the nfl had guys cross the picket line and i mean the football sucked but it was
fucking it was a football strike like a long time yeah how long ago like the 70s or some shit like
that there was a strike at the hannafords in my hometown what kind of strike grocery store strike
like striking should be special needs cat hits running the count of work and paid enough
we want two chocolate chip cookies
bag your own bags it's like okay that's super easy
then those get why yeah it is a good job if you have special needs a great job yeah there was
always a lot of special needs dudes working at that store.
It's not that store.
I think it's all grocery stores.
Yeah.
I think they gravitate in that direction.
It's good work.
I think it's just a little bit indulgent for fucking writers to think that they're in some kind of union like they're coal miners.
Yeah.
They think that they're like fucking this blue
collar like respect unions like they're not really getting like they're not in these like
deathly conditions that like i don't know right right snl snl is pretty bad i've heard like not
like obviously it's probably better than the coal it's awesome well yeah but i think the hours the
hours are pretty insane in SNL.
It's like a lot of 24-hour days.
But it's also like you're—
To get paid what?
They're getting paid like a couple hundred bucks an episode or some shit?
But you're flipping a fucking tough product,
and then people are getting launched into careers of being millionaires.
I don't know.
The writers, though?
Like if you want to work somewhere desirable—
I guess John Mulaney was a writer.
Yeah, if you want to work somewhere desirable,
If you want to work somewhere desirable,
if you want to work somewhere desirable,
it's going to be... You'll be rewarded in the long run.
Or I don't fucking know.
Maybe we should unionize in here, I guess.
You're sounding like a real scab right now.
Yeah, you're sounding like a scab.
We should clip this.
A bootlicker?
A bootlicker?
Writers Guild member speaks out.
Wants billionaires to make more billions.
Says writers should be getting,
working for free.
It's all about the opportunity.
Like even the fucking baseline people in the writers guild that I was in with were like
making good money.
They were?
Yeah.
Like nobody was like coming in like poor and shit.
I was by far the poorest person in there.
Like they were going out to fucking lunch every day,
buying $20 sweet green salads.
Damn. I was in the fucking, I was just making peanut butter and jellies in the little fucking closet, dude. in there. They were going out to lunch every day buying $20 sweet green salads.
I was just making peanut butter and jellies in the little closet. I was
bootstrapping it.
They were the bourgeoisie, bro.
You're probably top 1% of the Writers Guild now.
No.
Definitely not. You're rich, Rich.
You're dumb, Rich.
I'm trying to make some money, bro.
We should union up then. Let's get a union in here. Dave, if you're make? I'm trying to make some money, bro. We should union up then.
Let's get a union in here.
Dave, if you're watching, I'm not for the union.
See, now you're the fucking bootlegger.
Now you're bootlicking.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I would assume, Tyler, can you look up how much SNL writers make?
I'd assume it's a very
small amount of money.
I was making $3,000 a week as a base level, entry level salary.
That's good.
Very solid, yeah?
Yeah.
57 to 72, average 65.
A year?
Yeah.
It's kind of a very low amount of money to be working on the most famous show of all time.
Right.
Because anyone will do it.
It's livable, though.
Pitch.
Yeah.
I made less than that when I first started here. Me too. By will do it. It's livable, though. It's the pitch. Yeah. I made less than that
when I first started here.
Me too.
By a lot.
Now it's about like
probably 10%.
Now I'm about right
in that average.
Yeah.
Now I'm right around
that 62.
This is the email
of the W.
But fuck,
just happy to be
out of the 50s for now.
You'll be back. It said at they sent this shit out at midnight
dear members we have not reached an agreement on the with the studios and streamers we will be on
strike after the contract expires at midnight your wga negotiating committee spent the last
six weeks negotiating with netflix amazon apple dis, Disney, Discover Warner, NBCUniversal, Paramount.
Bro, how are you going to make a deal with all of these fucking...
I'm sure they all have like one representative to work on this.
So they have like a Chris Paul.
Like remember Chris Paul was the NBA player guy?
Yeah, union chief.
They have a chief negotiator.
Yeah.
And like a committee of writers.
It's probably Gladwell.
Yeah, it has to be.
It's definitely Malcolm.
Guild members demonstrated collective resolve and support of the agenda with a 97.85 strike authorization.
I'm squarely in the 2.15%, dude.
Rep for the 2.15%.
We shouldn't have striked.
No.
Swing and a miss.
The people need their fucking entertainment.
Yeah.
We need to swallow our goddamn pride and write for these fucking late night shows.
You think Seth Meyers can come up with his own jokes?
I was reading something.
Apparently, when this happened in 2007, all the late night shows were just improvised.
Yeah, I saw. They're going to maybe do that again. Yeah. Oh, they'll make Trump jokes on their own? this happened in like 2007 all the late night shows were just like improvised yeah i saw they're
gonna like maybe do that again yeah oh they'll make trump jokes on their own those liberal swines
they said that conan would just like spin his wedding ring every show
that was like his fucking uh his his bit every time and that he paid like 80 80 staff people
out of his pocket.
I mean, they all have to be, I'm assuming they all know how to write.
And he's still there.
He used to write on like the Daily Show probably.
I don't know if he wrote.
Maybe he was just a personality.
Correspondent.
But yeah, that can't be just funny.
I mean, they're all from SNL.
Yeah, a lot of them.
And they all wrote on SNL.
He was from the Dana Carvey show.
What about... I was thinking of Conan. all wrote on SNL what about I was thinking of
Conan
Conan wrote for SNL
right
he's done that
and the Simpsons
yeah Conan's
Conan has a podcast
now
he's doing like
a travel show now
which is like
the biggest cop out
of all time
to do any food
and travel content
who told us about that
uh
who was talking
about that
someone in Austin
you were like
they were like yeah like Conan's working on a travel show and you were like just looked them right in in austin you were like trout they were like yeah like conan's
working on a travel show and you were like just looked them right in the face and you were like
travel shows are the lamest thing of all time i didn't say lame i said that they're like the
biggest like boondoggle it's like if you don't want to do real work you do a food or a travel
show yeah should we have a little brainstorm meeting for neighborhood eat season three
the other day they were like hey do you want to do three episodes
in Florida for Neighborhood Eats?
I was like, no.
Do I want to do three episodes?
Go into Florida right now.
Go into Hawaii.
Did they not get the memo?
We would have to go in the summer.
But also three,
that defeats the purpose
of a boondoggle travel show.
That defeats the purpose
of stretching a fucking regular show
into multiple vacations
we should do a show within the within neighborhood eats of just how much money can you spend on on a
trip basically and try to get no i think that that's antithetical to what they're trying to do
i think their point was you're spending too much money we're getting cut from the from the big
thing no we are we are not cut you definitely i think you're you were the first one they cut
they were like tom we can't we can't bring tommy anymore oh my god but the magic the
fucking three did they not see the la taco this is walking derrick i'd be like i think you're
gonna have to watch all 17 of these minutes and say that we're not yeah tell us we're not going
back to neighborhood eats this season you think the writer's strike was bad? It was always super fun to do.
I was never even once passionate about it, though.
Neighborhood Eats?
The food?
I'm not a foodie.
Oh, I was extremely passionate.
It would be like Roan.
Roan would give a 45-minute fucking explanation
of every single texture that he was tasting
and every single taste, spice, everything.
And then I would be like,
yeah, it was pretty good. Yeah because i would like research the shit beforehand nothing else for me to say except i will say we
did get i did get the uh that barbecue video out of neighborhood eats yeah which was an all-time
classic dude a year ago we were in waco that was fun as hell they were always fun as fuck
but i would be i'd be doing like 45 minutes of research on a place
just so I could have like a 10-second soundbite
and you'd be stumbling out of your hotel room
with your shirt stiff as a board
from fucking your 17 jerk-off session.
Dried semen everywhere, washboard abs.
It was fun.
If someone shot you, the fucking bullet would fucking
shatter the fucking nut on your stomach
on the outside of your shirt, and it would just crumble to the ground like stained glass.
I had a great time.
I also had enjoyed when Tommy came.
You did enjoy it?
I did not enjoy when you guys made me go to that club.
That was, I mean, we talked about this.
That was, I mean, Mike Wallace dragged us there.
That was not our fault.
That was not my fault.
It was your guys' fault.
Yeah, I mean mean I bought those sunglasses
which I now love
yeah Hollywood Tommy
Hollywood Tommy
I got to play a character
Hawaii Tommy
oh my god
we gotta go to Hawaii
what if we just
what if we just say
all the budget
towards one Hawaii video
one episode
or we could do
six in Hawaii
yeah
yeah
they probably got like
barbecue out in Hawaii
one trip
cause they got barbecue
fish
mahi mahi
sushi goddamn sushi pizza poke bowls Hawaiian pizza poke bowls out in Hawaii. One trip? Because they got barbecue, fish, mahi-mahi, sushi, goddamn
sushi, pizza, poke bowls.
Hawaiian pizza, poke bowls.
It's going to be a different island.
And it's a one month long
trip.
Should we do that right when I get back from Iceland?
Should, dude.
We've got to get out there.
Realistically, though, that would be cheaper.
Yeah, really efficient.
Yeah, it would definitely be cheaper. I wouldn't that realistically though, that would be cheaper than really efficient. Yeah.
It would definitely be cheaper.
I'm assuming.
Yeah. I'm sure.
I'm sure the $5,000 flights to Hawaii are going to be a lot cheaper than the
$50 flight to Florida.
No,
but that's like,
they pay you to fly to Florida.
Yeah.
12 different flights,
12 different trips.
Yeah.
Six episodes.
Yeah.
Oh my God,
dude,
they're trying to,
they want us to do it like in New York city.
Yeah.
They want us to do it like in new york city yeah they want us to do it in the office they want like us to like try the shit that vibs brings in
for lowering the bar like a different view on it just our own cameras potato chips in the kitchen
yeah that's bullshit they need to let us fucking go on our it's a bummer because remember last
year every they were all like we were all, dude, we're going to fucking Europe.
We're going to Hawaii.
But, well, they... I mean, someone from the
Brandon content team was... They literally told
me, they're like, dude, you should just go to Hawaii. You never know
how long things like this last.
Someone literally a higher up...
Told you that. Yeah, who has... I'm not trying to throw
anyone under the bus. No, because in case
they still let us go.
Oh, yeah, that's true.
You know what I mean?
I don't want them to be like,
hey, you're the one who's approving Hawaii.
I want to get to Hawaii
and then be like,
where the fuck are they?
Yeah.
Like the editor in Spider-Man.
You know what I mean?
I want them to be like
slamming the phone
down the hall.
Hawaii!
You went to Hawaii?
Is Hawaii like expensive as hell?
And be real
I mean
it'll be real
if you're staying at the
White Lotus Hotel
yeah it was
so it was
I mean it was a four seasons
I was on my honeymoon
how much that shit run you
it was
it was expensive
it was expensive
why do you get to go to Hawaii
you know who's always in Hawaii
is Danny Jackal
why is she in Hawaii
every other week
is she always in Hawaii
she's always posting like
back to Hawaii.
No, it's like LA people treat that like going to Florida on these days.
Oh, really?
Really.
It just costs $70,000.
How much did it cost?
$50,000?
For what?
$60,000?
Honeymoon.
No, I didn't spend $50,000.
Francis probably did on his Africa trip.
You're going on that same trip.
I know.
I might go to Africa too.
Now I'm making that fucking Writers Guild money.
You're about to go to Africa?
My dad and my family in Florida really want to go on an African safari.
My dad's been like 30 years ago, and he's like, I just want to go one more time.
I really don't want to.
Nothing's planned.
It's a couple years out.
Don't you want to save some money, dude, since you're out of work right now?
I'm seriously concerned.
No, I got an Apple savings account.
It's like a fucking 85% yield.
Damn.
Wait, really?
No, it's 4%.
But you haven't seen these new Apple bank accounts?
Well, I know it wasn't 85%, but I'm looking for a higher yield savings account.
I get like a dollar a month in Citibank.
I get 60 cents a year, I think.
Yeah, it's ridiculous. I was going through all my transactions. Yeah, when I was doing my taxes,
I was going through all my transactions and I found like interest and it was like
less than a dollar for a full year. Apple's doing these new savings accounts that are like a 4%
yield because like all these banks are crashing because nobody's putting cash in anywhere. And
they're like, we need a way to get an influx of cash.
So they have these high-yield savings accounts that are backed by Morgan Stanley or something.
So I think it's legit.
But then all these other banks were offering one-day specials on 5% yields.
It's a good time to get some yield, boys.
Yeah, I've got to get yield.
Let's yield.
Are you invested at all?
I've got to start investing.
A little invested.
What do you got?
Pen?
A lot of pen.
Give me some real shit.
God, no.
I bought at $120.
I think Donnie was buying
as it was.
I got some Vanguard.
A lot of Vu.
What do you have, Ron? I'm not doing any of these fake stocks.
Vanguard is one of the safest investments you can make on the market.
I don't buy.
I don't trade on my own.
You just have a dude that you give your money to?
Yeah.
Because I'm not going to be paying in the fuck.
I'm not going to be like...
Tell him I'd love to break bread with him.
Okay.
I'm trying to get a woman to do it, bro.
They're the ones who are probably good at it.
So she can spend it all?
Seriously.
No, they're tenacious, dude.
The dudes just want to be booing all the time.
The dudes just want to fucking hang out and talk about Barstool.
Like, whoa, what's Dave like?
It's like, dude, I need a woman who knows nothing about Barstool
so I can actually talk shop.
Want to hear a funny story?
So the guy that I signed my lease with, my realtor slash broker, whatever the fuck he did,
all he did was buzz me in once and I had to pay him a shit ton of money.
But he came to my apartment last night to pick up the lease because I had it like printed out and shit.
And he was like away.
And he claims to be a big fan of comedy.
he was like away and he he's like uh claims to be a big fan of comedy and he was like i just met the uh people that that uh own the cellar the comedy cellar and i was like oh really and he was like
yeah yeah and i was like uh i was like yeah that's cool it's like you ever go to the comedy
cellar and it's like it's great and he's like oh yeah louis ck performs there and then he was like
do you perform there?
And I was like, no, no, it's a long process to get into there.
And he was like, you want me to recommend you?
And I was like, absolutely not.
I said, I was like, no, no, no, no, no.
I do not.
And he was like, I was like like you need to get recommended by like two
comedians and then you have to audition and he was like so your realtor can can can he recommend you
and i was like no he's like what if they owe me a favor i was like dude i was like stop this
conversation right now he's gonna fuck up my entire career yeah they're gonna be like putting
me on stage so they don't like get fucking sued by my realtor or some shit he needs a headlining act we gotta bump somebody yeah every real estate agent is the
same i've been viewing a lot of apartments too and they're all they're all just different variants
of each other like all these they're all like youngish like dressing cool guys like recommending
you dude this guy he did not even well i went to tour the apartment it's like one of those ones where
you press a button and it calls the phone number and you can buzz in from your phone he was never
i never even met him until i until i had to go in person to sign the lease until you owed him 20
percent yeah of what you'll pay the entire year they're content creators now real estate agents
bro do they have how are they smooth? They're like going from room
to room. Yeah, their transitions hit.
Gliding, bro. They do
have nice transitions.
But I think that they literally hire
other people to do that, which is the
biggest joke of all time. 100%.
You could easily just fucking whip through with your
phone. Yeah, it's
bizarre. I viewed an apartment the other day
and the tenants were
home and the kid was like tommy from barstool no no i was like well i can't live here i swear to
god i was like i can't take how old was he uh so that was the other thing he's like oh yeah great
for like a college kid that's a part they're like 23 22 or something i was i can't be moving into a
college kid stoolie's. Just be buzzing up
all the time. I thought you meant the kid
like a fucking child.
Oh, no, no, no. Like the kid, the two,
like the guys. The tennis, the tennis, the tennis.
I thought it was like parents and a kid.
No, no, no, no, no. I toured a
college once, and you know how they take you in the
dorms? Yeah. They brought us in the dorms, and there was
just two kids just like playing video games in there.
And with like a pack of people on a tour it was so awkward just hitting a gravity ball yeah
weird as hell i remember yeah i think that was i remember that too but i don't i feel like all the
other ones i toured they just had like an extra dorm that they just didn't put people in so they
could use it as a touring dorm right just an just an empty one. Like a show apartment.
There's like 10,000 dorm rooms.
They can't just leave one open.
Not just a shit box with cans all over the floor.
Where's Tommy about to move to, Tommy?
I'd like to get to the village.
WB, Westville, somewhere around here.
You're not going to be in Westville, brother.
I've aged out of Murray Hill.
But the thing is, I'm not going to go to the factory anymore.
No, I mean, hey, it's a good spot.
I'm going to get a worse, I'm going to have a worse apartment and pay more money, which
is an unfortunate sacrifice.
But I'm getting really nervous that I'm going to be homeless because I'm up June 1st.
So if any real estate agents out there.
Dude, mine took literally three days.
Oh, congratulations.
It's, what do you, but I feel like I always hear people having like such a hard time finding
an apartment.
It's always.
I mean, you only have one bedroom, right?
Yeah.
So, I mean, two bedrooms.
Why are you getting two bedrooms?
Because I have a roommate.
Oh, you're still living with your roommate?
Yeah.
Spider?
No, Spider's moving to Chicago.
Oh, your other roommate.
Is that breaking news?
No, I don't think so.
Maybe.
Broken.
Why, why? Disloyal ass Spider think so. Maybe. Broken? Why?
Disloyal ass spider, bro.
Do you like having a roommate?
Yeah, I don't mind having a roommate. I know people are like, oh, it's so much better to live alone, but I like having a built-in friend in my apartment.
You know?
I could do my own thing in my room, have my alone time.
But don't you have a weird relationship with your roommate?
What do you mean?
I don't know.
I feel like when I came over to your apartment, he was like there, but you didn't talk to him.
I've never met him, but I've been at your apartment or I've been out and you're always talking about your roommate.
I don't even know what he looks like.
He's a tall guy.
Is he real?
Does he exist?
No, seriously, he's a real person.
I don't know why anyone would think he's not a real person.
I think it was like a sixth sense situation where he's like, oh, yeah, he's right in that room.
No, he's real and he's alive.
He's real and he's alive.
Yeah, you got to get out of that apartment.
I feel like he's the type of dude that just sits in a wooden chair that doesn't recline at all, straight face with his hands on his back.
Wait a minute.
You have met him.
You met him in Montauk.
He was with that crew.
Oh, yeah.
I couldn't tell which one he was.
He was the taller one. There was like four tall guys. Oh, there were three other ones. Oh, yeah. I couldn't tell which one he was. He was the taller one.
There was like four tall guys.
Oh, there were three other ones.
I was seated.
I couldn't really gauge how tall they were.
What, was I going to get up to shake their hands?
Yeah, that's when Rowan heard I was going to Montauk and booked a hotel right next to me.
Yeah, I know.
I remember when that happened.
It was bizarre.
Yeah.
I just wanted to be around Tommy.
I just had to be close to Tommy. We were in our renaissance. It was bizarre. Yeah. I just wanted to be around Tommy. I just had to be close to Tommy.
We were in our renaissance.
It was a hell of a time.
I'm probably going to go back
around that same time this year.
I'm going back right around
that same time, too.
Wow.
We'll exchange dates later.
Damn.
You trying to get out to Montauk?
Maybe.
We stayed at this nice-ass hotel.
Or I did.
Tommy stayed at my shitbox.
You must make so much fucking money
let's get let's guess how much yeah dude are you like a multi-millionaire no yeah i'm not a
one millionaire oh you're close though you're getting there yeah you're close yeah
you're right there you're right there you got? No. Just waiting to tap into that $1 million?
No, because if you don't spend it, they take it.
You got to spend it or they take it.
You're staying in the nicest hotels everywhere.
That's the thing with the wife, too.
When we went to Moon Tower, they had a hotel for Ronan.
He just booked his own.
He was like, I'm not staying at that shitty hotel.
There was a hotel for me for one night and
so i booked my hotel for the other night and i was planning i i only booked it for one night i was
planning to go into the hotel that you were staying in the next night and your manager was like oh too
good for the hotel like that we booked you i just gave your room to someone else and i was like dude
i was going to move into it but i can just extend my stay to alleviate Sass and his agent's fucking hefty-ass fees.
If anyone's a millionaire, it's your fucking manager who's fucking chipping off the top.
I feel like you're rolling in it, too, though.
He is.
I'm the poorest person.
Pull out your wallet.
No, he has multiple revenue streams.
Why are you always talking about my wallet, dude?
My wallet is like $30.
Brick watch, brick wallet, dude? My wallet. It's like $30 in my wallet.
Brick watch, brick wallet, bro.
This shit is fucking insane.
Dude, I... He got in with Frankie Borelli opening that bar up, dude.
He's just liquid in weird ass ways, dude.
He's an investor out in fucking...
Ghost investor.
A ghost investor out in Long Beach.
I wish.
I should have done that.
20 beers on tap in a fucking...
I should have fucking done that. Tiny beers on tap and a fucking tiny pizzas.
Chicken parm sliders
down at Sass's spot.
I really,
I genuinely don't know
how much money I have.
What do you mean?
Because I haven't paid taxes.
I keep an Excel doc
with all my different money
just so I know
how much I have where.
How much you have?
I don't want to say.
No, I'm getting my feet put to the fire.
Yeah, because you're rich.
No, I'm not.
You rich, Rich.
No, I'm literally not.
Bro, you're dumb, Rich.
You're dumb, Rich.
No, I'm literally not.
My aunt's trying to get a new apartment, though.
Yeah, you're going to get a new apartment.
Where are you going to get it?
You're going to get Epstein's old place?
You can swing that 80 mil.
65 million heated floors.
Dungeons for the little babies.
Yeah, this is my rich boy.
Me and Tommy might move in together.
Really?
I don't know.
Put him in the dog house.
I could fuck with that.
I still haven't been invited to Rowan's apartment.
Neither have I.
Actually, I have been.
Have you been there?
No.
Yeah, me neither. He won't come. But I did get invited after the third case race. Cool. Yeah, I haven't been invited to Ron's apartment. Actually, I have been. Have you been there? No.
But I did get invited after the third case race.
I haven't been invited at all.
Yeah, you
didn't want to go.
I did want to go, but it was too late to go
all the way to Brooklyn and come back.
You were on so much cocaine, bro.
No, I wasn't.
Oh, you guys openly
talk about that on here
i thought that was like an off the record thing that's like the one thing that i pride myself in
is that i don't do cocaine how do you think he does all those spots at the stand why do you think
he's so tired all the time if i would do if i was on cocaine i would not be tired i think i wouldn't
know it's not like you're on it during the middle of the day if that's the thing though if i was on cocaine, I would not be tired, I think. I wouldn't know. Never done it. It's not like you're on it during the middle of the day.
If that's the thing, though, if I was on it, I would be on it during the middle of the day.
That's how I operate.
You love it.
Yeah.
You love hard.
Yeah.
You love hard and fast.
I've contemplated doing it before, and then I've gone, nah.
It's like I just go, this is not something I need to wake up and feel bad about in the morning.
You mean feel guilty or feel hungover?
Both.
Just don't feel guilty.
Oh, I would feel guilty.
Why?
I'd be like calling my mom.
I'd let you down.
That fentanyl shit go brazy.
It's like, you can't fuck with that fentanyl shit.
Yeah, people don't like when you joke about fentanyl.
I'm not joking.
That's why I don't do cocaine.
You do cocaine.
I've seen Tommy do cocaine,
do a test strip,
tested positive for fentanyl, still did it.
That was when we were at
that prostitute club in LA.
I did one off her ass.
That a boy.
You guys are nasty
for going to that. The fact that the amount that you both
think about it is i have not i literally only talk about it you guys always have it on your
brings it up when the hell have i why do i bring it up you brought it up just now you brought don't
be telling people that we went to a fucking prostitute club because we did a whole episode
about it like last summer we did not go to a prostitute club. We walked in and instantly left.
We were literally driving through LA and Sassy said,
is that a prostitute club?
You were getting sweet talked by the bouncer.
Sassy, horny.
Sassy wants to get his rocks off.
The bouncer was like, yeah, it's a, he's like, think about it, man.
I mean, it's 300, you're going to spend $300 on a date with a girl.
And Tommy was like, holy shit, that's a good point.
Why don't I just buy some pussy
Tommy pulled out
a calculator
with a punch in the nose
Sassy wants to
splooge tonight
see if he can
swing that 300
god damn
you boys are
you boys are bad boys
you're a son of a bitch
that's why they're
canceling neighborhood eats
to like
what is this
$3,000 expense
exactly
it's fucking
Tommy and Mike
that's us not me bro I was the first we were all three of us were in the same situation this $3,000 expense. Exactly. It's fucking Tommy and Mike. That's
not me, bro. I was the
first. We were all three of us were in the same situation.
I was the first to leave and you guys
we left in the same Uber at the same
exact time. I don't know. It was a fascinating
it was a fascinating
voice. I don't know. Could be
could be fun, dude. That's not my
voice. You just did
exactly what I just did. You just did exactly what I just did.
I'm sass.
I'm a little sass.
That's pretty good.
No, terrible.
Terrible.
And I said, guys, let's take a look.
Let's take a step back.
Is this the men we want to be?
This is what we want to be.
Waking up tomorrow covered in STDs.
Of course, Tommy already has all the STDs, so he didn't give them.
That didn't hurt him. Dude, I heard a new... Do STDs so he didn't give them that didn't hurt him
dude I heard a new
the ones that Tommy has
full body
anyway Ron how much money do you make
I heard a new term
for cocaine this past weekend
in Rockaway
someone called it
yeah I got a square bag
a square bag a square bag. Damn. A square bag.
Square bag.
Firefighter?
A square bag.
Oh, God, no.
Is it closer to zero or 900,000?
Zero.
Dude, we were, when I was in my old roommate.
Did you ever meet my old roommate?
Yes.
Who had the, like, t-shirt brand?
Yeah.
Yeah.
He would be like
yeah bro you hitting the slopes tonight and i was like i would be like
i'd be like no there's no mountains around here but what the hell are you talking about
people love the slopes yeah people love to call it the slopes. Or just say like, what does that smell like?
What does that smell like?
Oh, I see.
That's what you're inhaling it.
We need to get like a timer for it.
Oh, I get it.
I don't know what I've...
I don't think I've ever snorted anything.
Probably like Doritos or some shit.
Nasal sprays?
You probably did some shit to like show off
i definitely did that i definitely did that you ever do a neti pot as a kid oh no those were bad
oh boy but do those work because they look like they would it seems like they work but they're
not worth the discomfort yeah and they also if you don't do it with the right like liquid doesn't it
like you can like kill yourself or something with your brain do it with alcohol if you do it with
water you'd like die no you, you gotta do like distilled water
or like saline.
So if it's not,
just red tap water
will kill you.
You can get an infection
in your brain.
Maybe that's what I have.
Just fucking blow your nose, brother.
You just probably did
a neti pot
of a neti pot
and like crazy.
But that ear candles
are fire.
I bet you would fucking
pull out a fucking
creature from these ear candles.
Didn't you do the water one?
I've done the water.
Oh, I go to the ENT regularly to get that shit cleaned up.
The ear candles is almost more satisfying.
Really?
You lay on the side.
It's like a gravity bong.
You get a lover to put it in your ear and light the top of it,
have it in there for 10 minutes, and God gravity bongs the fucking wax out of your ear and light the top of it have it in there for 10 minutes and god gravity bongs the fucking
wax out of your ear it just sucks it right out it pulls it into the bottom of this like candle and
you can unwind it and it's like half of it's filled up like a frosting tube that they use
it's so satisfying i use baby oil and a dropper. What the hell?
My auntie recommended.
You get a dropper, you pour some baby oil in it, do five
drops in each ear a couple times a week.
Then you go to get cleaned out pretty regularly.
That's my routine. That's my ear
cleaning routine. I've never done that.
I've never gone to get my ears cleaned. Is that a normal thing?
Yeah, if you have
problems like I do. I have a real sinus issue.
You have a waxy you have
a sinus issues you're all diseased up no that's just a size sinus issues everybody everybody
did you get your ears cleansed twice a week is that twice a year i said oh that's still a lot
well i mean i don't want to fucking i don't have a lover to pour hot wax
yeah i'm a sexual prostitute and see if you can hire one of them to wax your ears up.
It's like, ooh, what are those?
Where do I put these?
Just put it in my ear.
Stick it in my ear now.
Light it on fire.
Stick it in my ear.
Have you ever seen it?
Fuck, what was it?
I was just thinking of this.
It's extra for that kind of action.
Who's the director?
Is David Lynch a director?
Finch.
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Now back to the show.
David Lynch.
Is he the one that did...
I was talking about this with Gardini
when I did his podcast
and we were watching the video of him
when he's like...
Have you seen the episode of Louis
where Louis is auditioning for Late Night?
Louis is a molester.
Sex predator.
Pest.
So no.
Damn, bro.
He's a showman.
He's a showman.
He was showing.
He was an exhibitionist. Yeah, he was just... He was showing. We have to cut that, bro. Was that exhibitionist?
Yeah, what if he hears this?
He listens.
Sass has never gotten to the cellar.
He listens to this fucking show.
Louis C.K. listens to this show.
Sass' real estate agent is going to be like,
can Sass please get in the cellar?
And Louis C.K. is going to be like,
no, he called me a rapist.
I'm not partaking in this conversation.
I like Louis C.K.
I defend him.
It doesn't sound like it, bro.
Rone was the one who went at him.
I said what I said.
I'm trying to buy Losey K,
but I want to watch his...
But I don't know how to buy it.
I've got to buy it on his website.
It's like, how do I...
You don't know how to buy it?
It's very easy.
I know, but then it's like,
how do I get that on my TV?
Just buy it.
Yeah, I don't think you can watch it on TV
unless you have an HDMI.
No, what's the story you're going to tell?
Take his dick out of your mouth so you can tell the story.
Story's over.
So he can finish beating up.
Story's over.
It wasn't even about Louis C.K.
It was about David Lynch.
The video of him.
Have you ever seen the videos of him directing?
He's talking to these little kids
and he's trying to get them to cry.
He's like, cry.
Cry like a little baby.
Cry.
It's so funny, dude dude that seems manipulative that's but that's what he does in louis he's like
funny be funny funny now three two one make me laugh that's funny and he's like you're a comedian
he's like he's like do you have any experience in being funny it's like yeah like i'm a comedian
and he's like i've known you for a week. You haven't made me laugh once.
I'm seriously having a good time,
guys.
You are?
Yeah.
All right,
fit check.
Bless us with a fit check.
Take us out to tow.
Here we start making your noise.
Start making your noise.
Roll around to the floor
and make your noise. Can you make your noise, Alden.
Can you make your noise?
Alden, if you could start crawling on the floor and making some noise, that would be so beautiful.
Cry for me.
Cry like a little baby.
Can you do that, Alden?
Can you cry out like a little baby?
It's so beautiful.
Crawl over there and crawl around and cry like a baby.
Steve, you're real loud. Wait, he's dead serious yeah dude cry cry like a little baby they're giving fucking oscars to these people yeah bro that's what
directors are doing crying like a little baby just from hearing that dude i read something uh i read something about sydney sweeney like it was something that came up on my a thousand words or something and it
was like the the intimate scenes that they do the sydney sweeney reddit
no it actually didn't come up on right i just didn't it came up on my snapchat explore page
i didn't want to say that because that sounds way worse yeah but i disagree with that i think being on
a sydney sweeney reddit page is way worse than just being on snapchat well i wasn't on the sydney
sweeney reddit page sure just like i wasn't at a fucking you were doing a fat tribute to sydney
i mean you're a sick person so You were on the Barely 19 4-chan.
Yeah.
Sidney Sweeney gone wild.
And it was, they were talking about how now for sex scenes,
they have like a director.
An intimacy coordinator.
An intimacy coordinator.
There was a, what was that?
Like every movie set, you have an intimacy coordinator what was the
show uh that was on used to be on hbo about a guy who like sold weed and he went around the city
selling weed it was a fucking awesome show high maintenance there was one show that was like about
the intimacy coordinator really and like they have like prosthetics over like their dick and they're
like okay is this all right for you like is this okay for you like the way that he's gyrating is that okay dude it's gonna be a little bit more than
reading that i mean it seems like it's way more clinical than just like uh just making to be like
all right now halle berry like our slap your fucking dicks together oh dude i walked by uh
when i was in san francisco i walked by a hotel room and there was people fucking in it hard
like i thought i heard it
was right across from the elevator it also it made me laugh because i was like people definitely think
they have way more privacy in hotels than they do i've heard people like singing in their shower
and that's definitely even more embarrassing than dude this was like and then the girl doing like
straight up like porno moans so she's a prostitute. And I was just sitting at the elevator, just tapping my foot, waiting for it.
Just listening to these people passionately fucking.
Just tapping your bone.
I asked if they needed an intimacy coordinator.
You guys need a hand?
You guys need me to coordinate in there?
I got these wax ear candles.
Get you guys right.
Probably have a bunch of wax in there.
What time of day was it?
Middle of the day
Interesting
It was probably like
4 or 5 p.m.
Early
Early to be fucking
Afternoon delight
Yeah
I would have put a fucking
Cone up to the door
I stopped
Right in front of the door
The hell?
And I went
Harder I stopped right in front of the door. The hell? And I went, Ugh.
Harder.
It was Francis' room.
I instantly texted Francis about it because I was hoping that he would come out and hear.
I was cracking up.
Like in Home Alone,
when they hear the gunshots,
everyone's poking their head out into the hallway.
It was crazy.
People having sex.
That is awesome.
I thought that you meant that you were walking on the street and you saw into the window of a ground floor level hotel room.
That would be nuts.
What the hell?
That would be crazy.
The Standard in New York.
That's supposedly an exhibitionist hotel.
Really?
I stayed there Saturday night. No, you didn't. I swear to God, I got locked out of my apartment. No, you didn't. The Standard in New York. That's supposedly an exhibitionist hotel. Really?
I stayed there Saturday night.
No, you didn't.
I swear to God, I got locked out of my apartment.
No, you didn't.
Yes.
You stayed at The Standard?
Are you a millionaire?
No, I had to.
It was three in the morning.
Really?
I got locked out, yeah, because our landlord toured our apartment Friday and locked it from the inside.
It was a whole thing.
But tell me more about the hotel.
What?
I mean, I think that it's just like people fucking the windows
I think that they purposefully
I saw people fucking at the Moxie
is that
that's a whole different thing
isn't that a coffee shop
no the Moxie is a hotel
it's definitely not the standard
I didn't know if maybe they had two different names for a hotel
like Doubletree Hilton what do you do when you see that No, it's definitely not the standard. I didn't know. Maybe they had two different names for a hotel.
Like Doubletree Hilton.
What do you do when you see that?
Come on.
Everyone knows that was a good analogy.
That was a good analogy.
That was very good.
Wait, what happened, Rowan?
Did you... You never even see it.
I've never watched people...
I think it's famous for it.
I don't know.
See if you can get to the bottom.
The rooms were kind of just like boxes. Boxes and it's like jammed up on a window. I think it's famous for it. I don't know. See if you can get to the bottom. It checks out.
The rooms were kind of just like boxes.
Boxes, and it's like jammed up on a window.
Where is it?
It's not a kitchen.
Is it by the line or something like that?
It's known.
It says from its iconic windows.
Known for its windows.
Damn, I didn't get any of those.
Yeah?
Damn.
I got to walk by there.
Everyone was watching me like,
who's this fucking virgin jerking off? Yeah. That's why got to walk by there. Everyone was watching me like, who's this fucking virgin jerking off?
Yeah.
That's why they let you in late.
They were hoping you'd go in there and fuck.
Damn.
Disappointed.
Yeah, they probably let people check in whenever.
Tommy, you saw someone fucking at the Moxie?
It was on my friend's roof in the East Village.
There was a Moxie down there
and just right across the street.
You could just see these people going at it.
Did you linger?
Loiter?
Definitely.
We were all watching. I mean, it was like
a party on a roof. It was like free entertainment.
We were like, look at these people.
I was so fucking bricked up. It's terrible?
Terrible. Imagine fucking and rolling
over and just seeing 70 dudes.
I mean, they knew what they were doing.
I've been to Tommy parties. It's all dudes.
70 dudes peering
over. It's probably like nine dudes,
four girls.
It's dude heavy
you keep the girls quiet too
I know how your parties are
oh yeah
oh yeah
they ain't yapping
they there for show
what I'm fucking riffing
he's fucking riffing
I'm obviously
everybody's gonna shoot me daggers
cause I do a little riffy riff
yeah
what kind of What kind of
positions were they hitting?
All of them. All the good ones.
Girl on top, girl on bottom.
Those are the good ones.
Yeah.
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No, brother.
Wait, you're disparaging the sponsor?
I'm going to Yankee games, not Mets.
You're going to go to a Mets game.
No, I'm not.
I'm going to go to a Yankee game,
even though they're not playing very well right now.
GameTime makes it so easy and affordable and cheap to buy last-minute tickets that I'm going to go to a Mets game. No, I'm not. I'm going to go to a Yankee game, even though they're not playing very well right now. Game time makes it so easy and affordable and cheap
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It says Mets right here.
It says Mets on the copy.
Well, they're wrong.
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show damn that's fucking sweet man i've never seen anything like that no neither really saw
two tigers fuck at the san diego zoo once that's probably why your family wants to get back on
safari yeah your dad's desperate for some fucking National Geographic fucking. He does watch a lot on Nat Geo.
Damn, bro.
Why don't you just come on?
Why don't we just schedule the safari at the same time?
We'll probably get a good ass group rate.
I think this summer.
Oh, really?
In the summer you're going.
I don't know.
Do you have anything booked yet?
That's something you should book really pretty far out.
Why?
I don't know.
It just feels like something you should book far out.
They're fucking having safaris all the time.
It's a big part of the...
There's a safari shortage.
Yeah.
The animals are doing their shit.
These poachers keep doing their thing.
I don't think people are poaching anymore.
I think it's like mercy killing.
I think that they...
Do people die on safaris?
Yeah.
Is that right?
All the time.
Really?
I almost did.
At Disney World.
Disney World.
Yeah.
You got caught on that bridge. You got caught on that bridge.
You got caught on the bridge and it fell.
It collapsed.
Yeah, that shit was almost deadly.
There was news stories about that.
I think that the animals think that whatever jeeps people are rolling around in are also animals.
I don't think they're smart enough.
That's pretty fucking stupid. These dumbass leopards.
I've always wondered if dogs know their dogs.
They have no idea.
Actually, maybe they do.
They see another dog, they're a fucking wagon tail.
Do you think they know that we're not dogs?
I would think so.
They know something's off.
Yeah, what the fuck are these guys doing?
They have a different respect for us.
They don't get excited.
Or some dogs get excited when they see a human yeah a lot of dogs get excited but they're not
as excited as they get when they see a dog do they get excited or do they get angry my dog gets angry
when he sees dogs and humans that's a nasty little boy it's a bad owner right there he was he just
came fucked up dude there's no saving him as a puppy he was just a fucked up puppy dude. There's no saving him. As a puppy? He was just a fucked up puppy? He's a fucked up puppy.
He likes us. He likes our family.
Oh no. Big boy.
I feel like usually the smaller dogs are the nastier ones.
He's a nasty dog. A mean bastard.
Yeah, he bites. A big mean bastard.
He's never bitten anyone in our family,
but he's bitten...
He bit the mailman. He bit the UPS
man. Or no, he bit the Amazon
driver.
That one we were like, we're going to have to put him down because there's no way that the Amazon driver doesn't sue us.
Amazon driver didn't do shit.
Probably didn't know he could sue.
He was probably like on drugs or something like that.
That's a great job to be on drugs.
Incredible job to be on drugs.
He's bitten two of my friends friends and he bit my cousin's boyfriend
and that was like,
that was the final straw.
That was the one we were like,
yeah,
this is not good.
Wait,
how bad are these bites?
What do you mean final straw?
You didn't fucking get rid of the dog.
All the other ones were like nips.
But,
but how was it the final straw?
Oh,
he's allowed to meet new people.
Oh,
got it.
He's in solitary.
Yeah,
he like,
he can hang out when we're at home.
He's in the hole
just like singing songs
yeah if anyone comes over
throwing a button at the wall
trying to find it
in the pitch black
I mean
he should be thankful
cause there's another option there
and it's not pretty
the other hole
yeah
six feet under the hole
it's not pretty
but uh
yeah he bit my cousin's boyfriend bad
like like
right in the calf, latched on.
And then he comes back wagging his tail because he's like, check out what I just did.
I just did that.
No big deal.
I just defended the house.
You know what you got to do in situations like that when the dog latches on?
Go limp.
No, finger in the butt.
Finger in the butt?
Really?
Yeah.
Finger in the butt kind of just puts the dog.
Your own butt?
Yeah, the butt. Finger in the butt? Really? Yeah, finger in the butt kind of just puts the dog... Your own butt? Yeah, your butt.
The dog's like, all right.
This guy's a freak.
You're disgusting.
I'm going to put my mouth on this guy. Ew!
No!
Wiping his tongue off like, what did I just bite?
This guy's a fucking pervert.
That's disgusting. That's gross. it'll probably creep him out though yeah like acting crazy when you're getting robbed like
shit yourself once you're getting robbed it's like the jersey shore when ronnie and the situation
were about to fight and the situation banged his head against a wall come on everybody gets that
reference it's not as good as the double tree double tree was incredible
swing and a miss
have you ever seen the video
the viral video of the dude slamming his head
on the side of the car being like let's fucking fight
and then the dude just knocks him out immediately
he concusses himself and then the guy one punches him
I guess that's the other way that that could go
yeah
just did half the fight to yourself
yeah far more likely
what would you do
if a guy was about
to beat you up
I would say
oh this is it
show's over
I'd say please
don't beat me up
I don't know
if I would ever
get in a fight
I think I'm pretty
oh I'm not talking
about a fight
I'm talking about
a guy being like
I'm gonna kick your ass
when would that happen
I don't know
I've made it through
this many years of life
and nothing has... You've never gotten beat up?
Not like beat up.
You've never had someone be like, I'm going to beat your ass?
I think I've been with you when people have been like, I'm going to beat your ass.
Did they do it? No.
Tell me more about that.
When were people going to beat around the house?
I've had people at bars
be like, I'm going to beat the fuck out of you.
They'd be like,
then do it
And then I
Throw up
No I
As a defense mechanism
In like bathrooms at bars
Like a skunk spring
I feel like if you go to like a packed bar
90% of the time
You go into the bathroom
Someone in there is gonna threaten you
Oh yeah they're angry
Yeah
Cause they're all just doing a shit ton of coke
And being like
I'm the coolest fucking person in the world.
Let's fight.
That's why you always play your stance.
Keep arm distance.
Me and my friends were at a bar one time in Delaware.
It was really a crowded bathroom line and I can't perform in front of people.
Yeah.
I can't.
It's happened to me too.
Yeah.
I can't pee in like a urinal and it was nonstop.
So we took over the bathroom and we like closed the door so that i could pee and people were not happy but we took
it over like we were the fucking taliban and then they like charged in and they were like you guys
can't fucking do that i was like i had to pee i had to pee in privacy did they almost whip your
ass no no no they're like tommy smokes i had to pee wherever you want bro when i was in college
i went to a bar and i had a dude i was It was like a packed bar and I went to the bathroom to take a piss.
Same thing.
Can't perform in front of people.
Need to go into the stall.
I'm waiting.
There's a guy behind me and the urinal opens up and I'm like, oh, you can go to the urinal.
I got to go to the stall.
That's always a tough explanation.
And he was like, why?
And I was like, oh, shy bladder.
And he goes, prove it.
I was like, what the hell does that mean?
How do I prove it?
Just stand in front of the urinal and not copy?
My friend Mike, he was walking through a festival
and these dudes were like,
show us your dick if you're not a cop.
Right away, he pulled his dick out.
And the rest of the people
did it
and they're like
kinda weird
that you're rolling
with all those cops
which Mike
do I know him
I think you met him once
best Mike
no different Mike
what do you mean best Mike
best man Mike
no different Mike
oh
is best man Mike
not Wallo
no different Mike je i don't want to man mike not wallow no different mike
jeez that's my wallace says that's a guy who's gotten in some fights yeah that's not surprising
at all that's a guy who's like thrown out more than five headbutts in his life
that's the guy telling s ass to prove he can't pee i mean he just goes places looking to fuck with people yeah the whole seth thing yeah i mean i
well that's like a happy fuck with yeah but it's still fucking people and some people just don't
want to get fucked with yeah i'm so i wouldn't be surprised if seth's been in some fights himself
has he i doubt it i think think Seth is like such good vibes.
He's like,
whoa, dude,
what do you mean
you're going to fight me?
But in like college,
I think I saw him like,
like there's still
a blood splatter
on the wall
if you go back
to our college house
like a Jackson Pollock painting
of when he headbutted
someone at the top
of a staircase.
That's crazy, dude.
You got to be a maniac to be throwing headbutts out. And like more than one headbutted someone at the top of a staircase that's crazy dude you gotta be a
maniac to be throwing headbutts out and like more than one headbutts throwing a headbutt out that
means that you like you don't give a fuck what happens to your head i have a headbutt boy rock
rock of a head so they just don't feel it huh i don't think i'd ever headbutt no god no what the
fuck yeah the activity i'd be least to do in my entire life is throw somebody a headbutt.
Yeah.
It would hurt so much.
Yeah, I think I've passed the point where I'd ever get in a fight.
I wish I did get in a fight at some point in my life, though.
I could see someone being like, oh, little Sasquatch, little funny man, I'm going to kick your ass.
And then I'd be like, yeah.
I'm not a very confrontational person.
No, me neither.
I tried to fight one of my best friends when we were in ninth grade. And then I'd be like, yeah. I'm not a very confrontational person. No, me neither. I tried to fight one of my best friends when we were in ninth grade.
And then I started crying.
Because he would piss me off.
I love you too much, brother.
What, about video games?
Probably had something to do with video games, honestly.
You spazzed?
Yeah.
You fucking threw the controller down?
Rage quit? No, quit wouldn't have been that i definitely had moments where i raged quit and turned my playstation off
because he was pissing me off yeah but no never any i feel like i've been in like small fights
but like not or or like also like rumbles but i've never got this shit beat out of me i've been
punched in the face and head why what? What happened? What'd you do?
No, it was like a bit part of like a big fight,
like big fights.
Oh yeah.
Brawls.
Yeah.
In college, you're just like,
what the fuck?
What the fuck?
The fuck away from him.
Get off him.
Shit does not hurt that bad though.
I promise you.
Yeah.
Cause you're probably shit faced.
Yeah.
Like this is sick. Look, take you're probably shit-faced. Yeah. Like, this is sick.
Look.
Take a picture.
You're, like, fat-lit.
It's fucking sick.
I'm definitely not past the point of getting jumped.
That's still a real possibility.
Oh, yeah, that's kind of what I figured.
It's probably inevitable that that will happen.
You gotta be dangerous.
Be dangerous.
Fight back. Have you ever seen the fucking jordan peterson clips where he's like if you're not dangerous what does he say he's like if you're not dangerous then your peace means
nothing being peaceful means nothing if you're not restraining yourself it's a preposterous thing
to think no i haven't seen that you've got to be dangerous are you you fuck with peterson i know
you don't watch any peterson You've never even heard of Peterson.
You're with Peterson?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I know.
I mean, I know he does, you know, talk and stuff.
People seem to like him, though.
He's not really, like, quite Andrew Tate.
He's, like, a little less, right?
He's, like, old Canadian Andrew Tate.
Yeah.
Wears suits and shit like that.
He's not, like, a...
I think some people hate him, but, like, you know what I mean?
Not as much as other people, though. Yeah, Andrew Tate's, like, i think some people hate him but like you know what i mean not as much as other people though yeah andrew tate's like a fucking sex trafficker yeah him and louis
ck were probably in the fucking cahoots with each other what if louis ck fucking meets me one time
dude i saw he'll be mad that i made a joke about him someone saw someone sent me a tweet the other
day of uh like a andrew tate fan account like, you're dating a 12 out of 10.
She's rich as fuck.
She does everything you want for you.
But she doesn't like Andrew Tate.
What do you do?
And all the comments are like, most of them would be like, dump her.
It's not worth it.
She like that.
And then like every now and then everyone would be like grow with her
teach her to learn
teach her to learn
how to like Tate
and everyone would be like
this is the answer
that we were looking for
this is the way
yeah
she will learn
this is a man
she does all the things
that Andrew Tate
tells a woman
that she has to do
she'll figure it out herself
and she's really
a 12 out of 10
what do you think
his demographic is?
16 year old boy?
I think it's closer to 10
year old boys.
I think it's like 13 and then I think there's
a lot of like
jacked Indian dudes
who are like super into Andrew Tate.
I swear to God.
I think that's like 50% of his demographic.
That's the point, bro.
And they're like, I thought I was going to get
pussy. They're like, everyone told
me if I worked out, I would get pussy.
What is this? Yeah, and they're still
not getting pussy. Look at my dick, it's dry.
Explain this. Well, now I hate women.
No, seriously,
dude, every time an Andrew Tate post
comes up on my Instagram,
like one of those fan accounts,
all the comments are Jacked Indian dudes.
Who are like stiff-legged, backhand-slapping people.
Yeah.
Classic JID.
Jacked Indian dude.
JID is a good-ass rapper, bro.
Don't fucking put shmutt on JID's name.
Never heard of him.
Can't be that good.
Cancel him.
Cancel Tommy.
You don't know JID, bro was a sneaky goat hey bro i'm fucking with you guys i'm fucking with you guys all right all right okay
that's good that's that type of riff that i bring to the pod i know you're crazy bro
i think you'd like him. I do.
You don't have to think.
I do.
I know him, and I like his music, and I know multiple of his songs.
Top three bars?
Red Lion, Gem Saloon, Factory.
Okay, they're both on their phones, so I guess I'll start entertaining everybody. My boy Wix had just sent me a beat just now.
Let's see if we can listen to it, bro.
I want to hear what the fuck he's talking about.
He definitely fucking spazzed on this, bro.
This shit sounds hard, bro.
Hard as fuck.
Wicks passed on this one.
This shit could be a hit.
Oh, fuck.
Tommy, feel free to hop in whenever.
16? 16 bars, bro. Yeah, feel free to hop in whenever. 16. 16?
16 bars, bro.
Yeah.
He doesn't know Jim.
You can count bars, right?
Obviously.
So if you ever notice, like Drake kind of raps off beat.
Did he think so?
No, it's a thing.
So like a lot of go, dun, dun, dun, dun.
And Drake kind of raps off the beat.
I saw a TikTok about this.
I saw that same TikTok.
And I was not able to tell if it was accurate or not,
but the man spoke with confidence.
Yeah, fuck those people.
Whoa.
And fuck you too, Tommy.
Fuck those people.
Anybody who's not a jacked Indian dude, I'm not fucking with.
Exactly.
Me neither.
All right.
Well, thank you guys for listening.
Let's end the show.
Yeah.
Why don't we end the show right now?
Let's end this.
We'll see you guys next week.
Sass is in Iceland right now.
I'll be back.
Thanks for coming on.
Thanks for coming on, Tommy.
No.
You're welcome.
All right.
Thank you guys.
See you next week.
Thanks for coming on, Tommy.
All righty you guys all right thanks for coming on to me all righty guys uh is that time of year week rough and rowdy is coming up big time rough and rowdy 21 invades west virginia this friday night may 12th at 8 p.m eastern time dave big cat and Eastern time. Dave, Big Cat, and Robbie Fox are all on the call for R&R
21, Friday night at 8pm
Eastern. Wait us every second
of the action by ordering now
on buyrnr.com
That is buyrnr.com
Mr. Ferron, why don't you talk to me
a little bit about R&R.
Are you going to be out there, brother? Yeah, I wonder
who else is going to be on there. That's funny that they gave us
ad copy that purposefully excluded me from Ruff and Rowdy.
Like, I'm not going to be in there
giving you ringside interviews.
Like, you're not going to be in the mix.
Like, there's not going to be knockouts.
Like, there ain't going to be knockouts.
A ring girl competition.
Like, there ain't going to be knockouts.
Like, the tank's not going to be out there
fucking shaking ass.
Like, Big Cat's not going to sing the national anthem.
Like, they're not going to have the perfect call.
Like, every single Ruff and Rowdy, one of the best sporting events.
If you can't be there live, you better go to buyrnr.com.
It's worth it.
It's worth it.
You're going to love it.
Lock the heck in.
Lock the heck in.
Buy R&R.
Get yourself over to buyrnr.com.
R&R21, legal.
Legal.
All right, back to the show.
That last part? Yeah, that was weird. Back. R&R 21. Legal. Legal. All right, back to the show. Did you try that last part?
Yeah.
That was weird.
Back to the show, though.