Son of a Boy Dad - Obviously You're Not a Golfer | Son of a Boy Dad #278

Episode Date: February 25, 2025

Obviously You're Not a Golfer | Son of a Boy Dad #278 -- Harry, Adam and Francis discuss many things and laugh often -- #Ad: Go to https://TempoMeals.com/BOYDAD for 60% off your first box! -- Follow us on our socials: https://linktr.ee/sonofaboydad -- Merch: https://store.barstoolsports.com/collections/son-of-a-boy-dad -- SUBSCRIBE TO THE YOUTUBE #SonOfABoyDad #BarstoolSportsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, son of a boy, dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. Yeah, let's get into this because I want I have some stuff to clear up. The video did great for real. I just have a story I want to tell, but I want to tell it because I'm not going to be able to talk to you guys before I tell it. I wanna get your guys' perspective on it. You wanna start with that? Yeah.

Great. If we can't, yeah, is that fine? You're a podcast. Well, it's not, but... Alright, ready? Alrighty, welcome back to the Son of a Boy Dad podcast. Today, it is... February 24th, it's 3.40 p.m. late episode today.

Usually I feel like we record at like 7 a.m. Yeah, I wonder what happened. Why are we so off of our normal times? Not me, I mean we were supposed to start recording at 3.30. I was here at three, Tyler what time you think I got in? Probably around 2.50. You've been upstairs the whole time. Yeah And then I hear you're taking a nice little walk to get yourself. Whatever that is piss piss

I mean, I thought you'd be downstairs at your desk. I don't have a desk. Yes, you do Well, there's a fantasy football trophy delivered to your desk. Oh, that's where it is. Yes. I've been looking for it It's on your desk never Oh, that's where it is? Yes. I've been looking for it. It's on your desk. Never would have thought to look there. You didn't think to text us that you were here when both of us have been here? No, I actually didn't at all. For hours, I'm gorging myself on bagels just out of boredom.

Do you remember when I texted earlier in the day? There was no, first of all, this was the plan the whole time. Hold on though. It wasn't like I told you guys I was going to be here at 10. Do you remember when I said, hey, Sass, how are you looking on timing? Because I have a lot of shit I need to get done. I was dead asleep. Well, then you texted back, you're on time.

Yeah, and I was. So wouldn't that make you think that you, if you got here early, it might behoove us to know, so we could start early. Well, I assumed you were here. I assumed Rome wasn't, to be fully honest. He was here. Oh, he was here. Not that I'm aware of.

I mean, as far as I know, Francis came in around 3.30 and you came in at 3.40. I mean, you made a ass of you and me, is what you did. So I was just in Massachusetts and I just flew back. And this was what I wanted to tell you guys about. But so, I don't know if it, let me know if this is crazy or not. But so I got sat in if it let me know if this is crazy or not but

so I got sat in it's the tiny plane it's the Delta connections the shuttle and I got sat in I was in comfort plus totally fine with that and there was one seat to be upgraded to and in first class and it was 1B and I was first on the list and then I scanned my boarding pass and I was expect fully expecting to the list and then I scanned my boarding pass and I was fully expecting to get upgraded and then I didn't get upgraded and I was like, oh whatever. I mean it's like a 30 minute flight so I didn't really give a fuck at all but I had all my luggage and I have my backpack under the seat. I had my duffel bag in the overhead storage and I'm like, headphones on, eyes closed, ready to take off.

And one of the flight attendants comes up to me and she's like, you got upgraded to a 1B. And I was like, I don't want to sit there. I was like, can I stay here? And she was like, well, you're already in the system is sitting in 1B because we upgraded you. First, they just never told you at the gate, but the overhead bins are all filled and stuff.

And I'm like, I don't really wanna sit up there and then have to do that awkward thing where I have to wait for everyone to get off and then go back to my seat or try to barrel through. And then the dude next to me is like, can I take it? And I was like, yeah, sure. And he's like, dude, are you crazy? You don't wanna sit in first class? And I was like, and this's like, can I take it? And I was like, yeah, sure. And he's like, dude, are you crazy? You don't want to sit in first class?

And I was like, and this is like, there's people trying to board still, the flight attendant standing there. And I'm like, yeah, no, I really don't, to be honest. I was like, I don't like sitting in that front row. And it was like, he was losing his mind over the fact that I didn't want the upgrade. What would you, do you think that's a crazy move? He was losing his mind over the fact that I didn't want the upgrade. Yeah.

Do you think that's a crazy move? I think you are the laziest person that has ever walked the face of the earth. I don't think that that's that crazy though. I hate that seat because you can't put your backpack in that seat. They make you put your backpack in the overhead, but the overhead was already filled. You invent the most specious reasons for not walking five to ten feet. I don't think they would. I had that thought in my head. I was like, if they upgrade me, I'm gonna try and stay.

And then I got two comfort plus seats to myself. Well, you didn't know that. That's completely lucky. But did you check to see if there was overhead space, like in the front of the plane? Yeah, there wasn't. There was not. They were already all closed. So I guess that's not that crazy. I don't think it's that crazy. front of the plane? Yeah, there wasn't. There was none. They were already all closed. So, I guess that's not that crazy?

I don't think it's that crazy. Is that the reasoning? Especially because I have my PlayStation in there and I was worried that they were gonna try and make me check my bag. Look, I think that would have been the question. Is there any overhead space above the seat? No, no. That was, like, my main reasoning for not.

If there was, I obviously would have taken it. But did you ask her? You didn't ask her, though. You just assumed because it was closed. No, because I boarded the that was like my main reasoning for not if there was I did you ask her you didn't ask her though You know I assume because it was closed No Well, because I boarded after and they were already there was already people in first class like scrambling like trying to find somewhere to put their bag I think that's what you gotta say. I just don't I'll move but I just don't want to have to check these bags Yeah, I know. I just said I don't want to have to move my bags and then in that event Sometimes what they'll do is they'll even take your bag and put it in that coat closet

that's in the front. But sometimes they'll say that's completely off limits, as if it's horrific that they don't know other planes exist where the captain's closet is just getting used by everybody. Right. Exactly. I don't know, I've never declined a first-class upgrade before, but... I think that for me, I would have known that there were probably people around me who, you know, have never sat in first class. Yeah.

And that if I were offered it, I wouldn't want to dishonor their belief that it is what it is. Oh, wow. I thought you were going to say you would give it to them. No, no, no. I would never. I mean first of all I felt like the man for giving it to that guy he was fucking fired. He was fired. He was like are you crazy? Yeah. Because you're like yeah whatever I don't even want it it's not that great I can't even put my bags blah blah blah look how far away it is. the I know I think you're over I think you're overthinking the the far the far away thing wasn't really much of a factor

I've made it a factor because you said you didn't want to have to go all the way back to your bag No, I didn't want to do that because I had to I had to do the podcast So I was like I don't want to have to be put in a situation where I'm gonna have to stand At the front of the plane while everyone's getting off and wait until the first second rows are. He's now saying he didn't wanna be late for the pod by having to go wait for everyone to get off the plane. I have texts to my family explaining it,

and I said, I have to get off the plane right when the plane arrives. If that's true, then why did you not fucking text us when you got here 40 minutes early? Because I was, I didn't text you guys when I got here because I knew you were here, and I thought you were gonna come up. You Because I was, I didn't text you guys when I got here because I knew you were here and I thought you were going to come up. You knew I was here?

You know, you're here. You come up to the third floor, I think. Right? Now I go to the second floor. Yeah. And then you just go right up the stairs. I just assume, you know, three 30, like people are going to be in there. Like I didn't text Tyler and Owen and say, Hey guys, come start recording.

They were on me and Francis were downstairs holding court. We were fucking just ripping the TikToks. When have I ever texted you guys and said, hey, I'm on P, I'm upstairs. We were downstairs fucking just busting it up with all of our coworkers. We were about to start a union if they gave us 15 more minutes. That's on you guys. That's on you. You can go unionize downstairs.

But I'm saying that we are down there like having the time of our life. If you would just peek your head around the corner, you would have heard our booming voices on our soapboxes talking about the coming- I assume you guys were already up here waiting for me. So I just barreled right up. And I also had to take a big shit, which I already explained to Francis pre-podcast.

So that should, you should know from that, that I was the reason I wasn't saying come up. I don't even know what it, I don't know what it's like trying to talk to you. It's because it's like you have the maturity and the wit of an adult with the reasoning of a child. And it's a very powerful combination because you can't argue with you

because I know you're, I respect you. This wasn't the- But your logic is so fucking tangled. This wasn't the point of the topic. The topic was to see if you guys thought, if you guys would ever give up a first-class seat. I was willing to address the topic as you presented it until you said that you knew you were gonna be late

for the podcast if you had to go back to get your bags, which was so at odds with what you told us as to about getting here to 50. Well, realistically, I probably wouldn't have been late because I got here early regardless. Well, then there goes that reason. Yeah, but that was my mindset when I was on the plane. I couldn't predict the future. I give up.

You don't you've never had that problem where you're where you're get where I was on the plane. I couldn't predict the future. I give up. You've never had that problem where you're up front but your bags are in the back and you're like, fuck, this is gonna suck. Yeah, I think what I will typically do, especially if it's a really small plane, I know those planes, is I might pass the old tell of those planes. What are they?

There's one seat on the left and two on the right. What's the name of the plane? Oh, no, that's not what I meant. CRJ 900. Great. How many trains are you playing with lately? Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Just, we can't be thrown out.

I know those planes. I meant, I am familiar with the layout of your plane. And what I would have done in that situation is I might have played the telephone game and passed the word back. How many seats back was was your your comfort plus to first? That's not many seats. It would have been six seats, six seats, you can get word back to someone. It's a duffel bag, but it's not even a roller.

It's fragile. Put that in the information. Be like a bunch of gorillas that are going to be banging. Pretty much. Yeah, you should see how they handle their roller bags. I'm so sorry, I have a PlayStation in there. They all have like one wheel hanging off of them. Whatever it is, tell them there's glassware inside. There's better than glassware.

Fine. Plastic. And you get word to someone six rows back, it's like at the end of Crocodile Dundee. Well, you know, see that's what I didn't like. That's what I didn't like was that when the guy took my seat, he goes, his first thing he says, he goes, you're going to have to give me my bag, the one we land.

And I was like, no, that's not, that's the reason that I'm not taking the seat. You are such an asshole. I mean, I helped him with his bag, obviously. Right. And that was totally fine. Yeah. And it proves Francis's point that it was possible.

Yeah. The guy could get his bag. I don't know. Wait, was he first one off still, or did he have to wait for people to go by? No, no, he was not the first one. I think I was off before he was. So he waited for you to come by with his bag.

Yes. Is that true? He waited, and he waited, like he was not even close to the first person off. Because he had to go back and get his bag, and then he had to go back and get his carry on. But you said you brought, oh, you only brought one of his bags? He had two bags. He had one that was in the overhead and then he had the backpack

that was under the seat which he had to put above somewhere. I don't know where he put it. He was scrambling. I saw him. I gave him one of these. Which also proves that there's a space for your backpack to go up ahead. No, because his bag wasn't right above him. I told you his bag was all over the place. But there was a space for him. He had one bag in 5B and he had one bag in 38F. I'm going to go ahead right now. I'm going to say you're lying.

I'm going to say about what? I think you're lying. I think you've made up lies to now make this. I texted you guys and I said, I got a good story. I want to talk about them. Yeah, but now we are deep into the weeds and you are adding more weeds. There's weeds. Weeds have been story. I want to talk about yeah, but now we are deep into the weeds and you are adding more weeds There's weed weeds had been added. I'll admit it. There you go

There you go, cuz we found no idea how many backs he had Fucking cunt, I know but he was not the first person off the plane and I was off before he was 100% Well, I found myself in a hole clearly losing so I had to start adding Details I know you I know you're game. I know your game. I thought you were just exaggerating that it was 38f I didn't know you were making up bags. No, he did definitely. He definitely, he had a carry on.

I don't know where he put his bag, his other bag. I know he had a bag above me though. When you talk to like the rest of the people in your life, do they just take everything you say at face value? Because I feel like you came in expecting to tell this story and have us be like, yeah, you made the right call. No, but that's usually what happens. Usually I come in with that idea

and then you guys just shit all over it. Usually I come in with, I'm like, this is gonna be a good topic for the story and then it all of a sudden starts coming down to like how I'm a bad person. Yeah, but if we just agreed with you, then it wouldn't be. And I'm not. No, also,

and also to answer your question, no, that doesn't happen to me in real life because I'm not trying to be funny when I'm talking to people all the time. Fair enough. Trying to be funny on the podcast. Delete this, delete that part. Do not let people know you're trying to be funny.

On the podcast? Yeah. Yeah, no, I am. That's the goal of the show. I think a lot of people's illusion is just that you're just living your life as you live your life well, some of the things are like the thing about me recording my outfits was For some reason people were like really riled up about that. I told you I still don't get why I told you they would be Yeah, people were saying I was gay. I didn't think that people calling me gay a gay man

Gay a flamer some were gay man. You're gay. A flamer. Some were saying. Yeah, you're gay. It hurt. You know what that does to me? Makes me upset. I know. Not that there's anything wrong with being gay.

But it's just a misrepresentation? A misrepresentation of who I am as a person. Did you do the outfit check today? No. You said you have thousands of videos. I do, but I told you if it's an outfit that I've already worn multiple times, I don't need to check.

I wore this on the Monday episode last week. With the red socks? No, I don't think I wore the red socks. Someone could check, I might have. No way. What, you washed your socks in between then? Yes, I washed my clothes at home yesterday. Oh, so those are fresh socks, so it could be the same socks. It could be the same socks yes. Because if

you wash them that would be the bottom of one pile top of the next pile. Yeah I don't know what that means so when I wash my clothes it's just all one pile. Fair enough. There's no bottom or top. There's sides. Do you want There's sides. Do you wanna, is there more? Is that good? No, no, no. Let's just start here, honestly. Scratch that. Wait a minute.

I think there's some fairness to your decision. You knew that you cannot put your bags under your seat. You're already settled. It's a very short flight. It's not the craziest thing to not move. That's all I wanted to hear. I don't know why I'm just hearing this now though. We just had to get to the bottom of it. I think initially I was trying to answer in a funny way myself, which was to say that you're making the blue collar guy feel... He was not blue collar, he was wearing a suit.

Yeah, but he's, that's a men's's warehouse. It was men's warehouse for sure because he's Cross yeah, he's done that anyone Wouldn't take the upgrade to a first-class seat on a flight to New York from Boston, which is 35 40 minutes Yeah, but I think I I think I ended up getting the better seat Which is 35 40 minutes. Yeah, but I think I I think I ended up getting the better seat Could be because the dude next the dude in the aisle next to me was that was a we know when does it randomly? There's like another pilot on the plane. Mm-hmm. There's a pilot and he had Two comfort plus seats to himself and I'm assuming they probably asked him if he wanted to sit first class No, they never give the pilots that really not really as far as I've ever seen They never put the pilots that are you know jump really, as far as I've ever seen. They never put the pilots that are jumping aboard.

Yeah, I guess that makes sense. But me and him, we were comfortable. It probably changed that guy's life who got upgraded to first class. He didn't get upgraded, I still got upgraded. But who sat in first class that day? Yes, he wore his suit into the big city. I actually kind of was worried about that.

I was like, can they scratch that upgrade from my record? Cause I don't want them thinking like, well, because maybe next time they're gonna be like, well, he got upgraded last week. So we're not gonna give him one. It would be more like he got upgraded, but he didn't take it. This is a guy who doesn't appreciate

when we do nice things for him. It's the same reason I would never buy you a gift. But it's not, first of all, they're not doing nice things for him. It's the same reason I would never buy you a gift. But it's not, they're not, first of all, they're not doing nice things for me. I got upgraded because I give them boatloads of money. That's entitlement. That's entitlement. How is that entitlement? You're entitled.

That's not entitlement. You're saying I got upgraded because I deserve to be upgraded. I got upgraded because I fly more than everyone else on that flight. Entitlement. That's not entitlement. That's the truth. That's how the system works. You're saying you deserve to be upgraded more than that men's warehouse guy.

I know, that's not at all what I'm saying. I'm saying I obviously was upgraded first because I was the only, I think I was the only Diamond Medallion member on the flight. Big assumption. That's a crazy assumption. Then why would I, I checked in like an hour before the flight and I was instantly bumped up to number one. Are these gonna count for your MQMs, the-class MQMs because there's a multiplier on MQMs if you sit in first class right yeah, but they don't they don't give you they only give you the price original price of the ticket Oh, they don't they don't give you more MPDs as a result No

It won't affect my MPDs MQMs don't even really exist they don't't exist anymore. It's all MQDs. I've been flying this year. I've been flying, I've been landlocked. Kind of feel like, why do I see you plateauing at silver this year? I really might. I really might.

I wish it was roll over miles. All right, well speaking of credit, let's talk about the stakes really quick. Okay. I want to talk about the stakes. First of all, brilliant setup from Rhone. Check out rhone.com. Show's flying. It's going to be bigger than

Son of a Boy Dad in a matter of weeks. It's not true at all, but... It better not be. It's hilarious that I'm getting any credit for doing this video when it was just... YouTube just being hilarious and cooking steaks. I didn't do anything or anything funny. I just kind of stood there in the background with my name on the group project. to just being hilarious and cooking steaks. I didn't do anything or anything funny.

I just kind of stood there in the background with my name on the group project. That's like saying that, you know, America's Got Talent would be just the same without Nick Cannon. We all know he's the secret sauce. Is he on America's Got Talent? Terry Crews, probably Terry Crews,

or is that the voice? He's like the side, he's on the sideline. He's like on the side stage and he always has like their mom and like stepdad there and like, look, he's about to do it. He's about to make it. But I thought it went well though. And you guys, I mean, there's a lot of people kind of lobbying for both of your steaks to have tasted better,

which is a crazy thing to lobby for if you never tasted. I don't think anyone was, I didn't see anyone lobbying for mine a lot of people Everyone a lot of people in Boston everyone that came up to me the first thing they said there was like they were like dude You do not know how to cook a snake. Yeah And I was like, oh, yeah. Thanks. I was like, what about this? Do you like the show? I just put everything I have into that show All they wanted to say was talk about the steak video.

Yeah. Did it move tickets though? Did it move numbers? I have no idea. Yeah. Weren't the shows already sold out? Yeah. Dude, I got you sold out in Boston off that video. I know. Pretty crazy.

Least I could do. But I mean, I think that it's important to note that, well, I don't know, maybe if there is a debate about it that everybody tried the steaks and everybody thought, for instance, it was better. Everyone, yeah, everyone. Even like Owen was pulling for me and then he took a bite of it and then he spit it out. Well, he was choking.

Yeah. He's a vegetarian, you know? As a result of what he tasted from your steak. But here's the thing, ready? So, Rohn set up this fun idea that whoever won would get to choose how much of the cash they took home. And he had laid it all out in a big bundle. And Sass had been, you know, up my ass the whole time,

talking a ton of shit, putting my brain in a blender, causing me to misread the meat thermometer, probably bring my steak to a medium instead of a medium rare, which is what I ultimately wanted. Just very distracting, hurtful. Medium's a stretch. It was medium, there was pink. Well done.

No. No, it wasn't, wasn't. You're out of your mind. I don't even wanna, there's nothing you can say. Your steak was such a disaster. I've literally never seen a steak in that shade. I don't even want to there's nothing you That shade I've never seen someone cook a steak the way you did. Well, yeah in like fucking chunks Cooked it in chunks. That's honestly I will not lie that is I've cooked many steaks like that before go for I've cooked them

And I've been like now that's completely raw and then just throw them back in and halves It's not that hard. You should do it the way I did. That's the basic way to do it. Yeah. No, sear both sides in a cast iron and finish in the oven. You shouldn't have even used a thermometer. Yeah, I don't have an oven.

Yes, you do. I swear on my life, I do not have an oven. An oven? You don't have an oven. You've been to my apartment. Did you see an oven? I saw you have burners. I have burners. And there's no oven beneath that? There's't have an oven. You've been to my apartment. Did you see an oven? I saw you have burners. I have burners.

And there's no oven beneath that? There's a refrigerator beneath it. Where would the oven be? You have a refrigerator beneath your burners? I told you I have a hot plate. That is all I have is a hot plate. I have never heard of the hot-cold hybrid burner-refrigerator appliance. Dude, I could unplug my burners and pull them off of the counter. cold hybrid burner refrigerator appliance. I could unplug my burners and pull them off of the counter. In order to do what?

I'm just saying there's nothing like they're not they're just hot plates. You four hot plates? Two. Only two. I don't even have four. Are they coils? No. Bro what is what is your set?

Dude, it's literally a hot plate. You know how you can buy a hot plate? How did you sign this lease? Cause I didn't care about having a stove. That's such a basic commodity. I have like one of those advanced microwaves. Wait, wait, that came with the apartment? Yeah. You also have a fireplace. Yeah, true, that came with the apartment? Yeah. You also have a fireplace. Yeah, true, I can put them in the fireplace. Throw the steaks over the fire.

Wrap them in foil and chuck them in the fireplace. That fireplace is not active. Oh my god, somehow I'm gonna get fucking mocked for being like classist for assuming that you would have an oven but to me That is I've never I've had an oven in every other apartment. I've lived in that's such a basic I think that's as basic almost as like Having a shower. Yeah, pretty much So I guess you're just not baking I mean ovens are it hat like the microwave claims you can bake in it It's probably convection microwave. I don't know, but I don't know if I trust that all right

Let's leave it there throwing stakes in the microwave. No, you're not doing that Well, it might be better than the way you fucking air fry sticks if I put a cast iron in my microwave it would explode Yes, you can't put metal in your microwave, I don't think. Definitely not. We don't know, we don't know what kind of microwave it is. That's how you ignite a home after you've ripped the gas valve out and the bad guys are coming in after you.

You throw a cast iron pan in the microwave and set it to bake potato and then you haul ass. Set it to bake, there is a baked potato setting for sure. Yeah, so okay. What was I gonna say? Well, okay, so you, I went in and I took the money and he said it was like 500 plus dollars. I know exactly how much it was.

It was like, I don't even, was it 500? It was 600. No, but how much I took? Oh, I have no idea. It was 400 something. Yeah, 400 something. I said at $86, it was, I didn't take the time to count it. And it wound up being, there were $116 left over. So you took probably... Oh, really? Wow. That's bad. Well, I only took five. Or maybe it was more than... I thought I left you more. Point is, I took whatever, all that amount, and then you went in and took $5 and you came out and said you wanted to leave the money for the crew. And you got the credit for being the generous Mr. Sasquatch

that the world thinks you are, which is the biggest load of horse shit of all time. Why? Then you just walked out. Yeah. And I then counted out stacks of my money and handed each person 50 bucks. Look, that's you going over the top

because you saw that I did a good gesture. I had no fucking idea you had said that. I had a great gesture. And you never gave any money to anybody. anybody oh I didn't need to put it in their pockets did that extra loose money get rounded up and brought to the crew no sass got it and took it off bingo not even close to yeah you use that to upgrade yourself to first class and then plunt pretend that's actually that's like I could take you to court That is it

Mustard on my jacket Ruining my reputation on video. It's not I didn't take dog shit I think I took the five dollars to be honest No, you definitely took the five and then you you took the rest of it and Francis doled out stacks of fifty dollar fifty one dollar I might exact this is exactly what I walked in r Rohn said, I let Francis say, decide how much, you guys get decide how much you think you deserve. And I said, I think I deserve $5. And then my exact words were, I took $5 like Trump taking $1 for his salary as president.

I don't know if he did that this time around. I think he did that the first time around. This time he needs the money. He needs the money this time. But, uh, and then I said, I left my, and I was just, I think I was just talking out of my ass. I said I left it for the crew. Yeah. And then everyone gave you credit for being magnanimous, but the truth was that you were not magnanimous. I was, I saw him take one of the $50 stacks that you had put out for the crew. No, no, no. He was counting himself as a writer on the show.

Yeah. Well, definitely. I don't mind if you took that $50 stack, if it means you can buy yourself a fucking oven, which is probably what they cost. I don't think ovens cost $50. The Easy Bake Oven is basically a child's toy. Well, you know I have a, oh no, I guess that's still a burner. You could probably get one at a yard sale.

An oven? Yeah. I'm not even kidding. I mean, they've gotta be pretty tough to move. Let's start inventing reasons why you can't get an oven. Or just put, why don't you put it in the fireplace? I think there's pretty clear reasons as to why I haven't bought an oven.

Where am I gonna put the oven? In the fireplace. Just in my living room? Put it in the fireplace. Throw it in the, smack in the middle of the living room? Look man, I don't know how you arrange your apartment, but all I know is that you said you had no room for a mirror. Now you're telling me there's no room for an oven.

There's no room for an oven. Next you're going to tell me there's no room for me to come hang out. There isn't. There definitely isn't. But you've got the biggest couch known to man. You have a fucking wrap around couch. Nice couch.

It's a big couch, right? It's huge. It's a good couch, right? It's huge. It's a good couch. Perfect place to sleep if you're in town. It is. To see a friend hosting SNL. Yeah. I mean, that is true, but I don't,

that you could have used a smaller couch and put the rest of the shit in your apartment. So you think if I went like with a smaller couch, I could have just thrown an oven in the middle? I think that. Look, you think the couch was taking up the oven space? Yes, you have a wraparound. Where would the oven go?

Your couch trickles down your hallway and fucking curls into your kitchen. I have a three person couch. Let me ask you something. Can I ask you an honest question? Yes, you can. I want you to just drop all pretense for one second. Yes. I want you to look me in the eye and talk to me straight. Okay. Are you going to take any of the stuff that he and I say with you forward in life? What? Like, give me an

example of what I should be taking forward. I don't know that you should have a full length mirror that you should have an oven. Dude, the oven. I don't know that you should have a full length mirror that you should have an oven. Dude, the oven. I don't think you guys are understanding the oven situation. Where would I put an oven is we're acting like an oven is something that you just like put in your pocket. I think that it's a fucking it's the size of my kitchen. I don't know. I'm aware I should have an oven. There's nothing I can do about that. These among many of the sort of lessons that we have countered against your very opaque logic over the years.

And my question is, at some point, this strange world that you live in is not gonna make sense anymore as a 28 year old, as a 30 year old. No other, no mirror. I'm sure I'll figure that out by the time that I'm 30, but there's no. But you're not, you're not figuring it out.

And that's fine. I'm not 30, I'm seven years until I'm 30. I love it, because it cracks me up and it's endearing. However, at some point I will start to worry about you. I think at some point dudes just get married in like a oven and a mirror in their house. Good, good, okay. That's fair.

That's fair. I get the mirror thing. Like I get, yeah, I should have a mirror. First of all, I have a mirror. There's a mirror in my bathroom. It's just a face mirror though. But so don't say I don't have any. It's not like I have no,

it's not like there's no way I'd be seeing myself. And I have a phone. And then the oven, it's just, I mean. Hey, I'm gonna have a phone. You guys have been to my apartment, there's nowhere for me, I've never, I didn't even know you could do that in New York City. Why? I didn't know you could just buy your own oven

and put it in the apartment. You head out, head over to Black and Decker, go to Home Depot or Lowe's or something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it, yeah. Get a Lowe's or something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get a nice oven, they sell ovens. Yeah, I'll do that. I'll get an oven. You could get one of those.

I'll go buy an oven and figure out where that's gonna go. You could get one of those. Just on the carpet. Bread ovens, those toaster ovens. Yeah, yeah. And you can cook stuff in that. You should get an air fryer. Air fryers cook everything.

Yes. Yeah. But you don't cook. But I don't cook. So then we'll do away with this conversation. Yes. But can you promise me that in your next home that you move into?

I just resigned my lease. Great. Like a week ago. You did? Yeah. Did they bump the price up on you? 100 bucks. That's pretty solid.

Yeah. They know it's a piece of shit. It's not a piece, it's actually a great apartment. They know it's a piece of shit. It's not a piece. It's actually a great apartment. They're getting away with charging you multiple thousands of dollars a month and they have not given you an oven. It's a great space. In one of the nicest neighborhoods in Manhattan.

I genuinely believe that they are illegally renting you your apartment. Because I don't have an oven. And because they rob every piece of mail that comes through the door. That is true. They do don't have an oven. And because they rob every piece of mail that comes through the door. That is true, they do do that. That's vicious. I wonder if that is legal for you not to have some means of cooking. Dude, the first apartment that I was gonna rent had,

it didn't even have a sink. Like when I was moving to New York, if you think my apartment is on the lower scale of apartments. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying, cause there is space and it is good light. Dude, it was literally just a room. You have a decorative fireplace.

You have good stuff. I lived in an apartment that was smaller than yours when I lived in New York, when I was 24. Yeah, I've lived in multiple that are smaller than mine. This is the biggest apartment I've ever lived in. I'm not saying it's a bad apartment. It's got a huge couch. It's got a big, big living room.

And it's got a long hallway that is unnecessarily long and a very small bedroom. And a fireplace that has wood in it. No, there's no wood in the fireplace. Was in there used to be wood? No. Do you have a bed? Yes.

Off the ground? Yeah. When did you get that? When did I get a bed? Uh-huh. The day I moved in It when it got off the ground. Oh, that's the question was probably eight months later Because when I saw it I don't think you had a I don't think you had a

Frame no, I think I would have By the time you guys went to my apartment. How far off the ground is it? Two feet. OK. Just a standard. Do you have a box spring? No. It's a platform bed?

Yeah. Nice. How'd you get the platform? How'd you elevate it? You did it on your own, or did you call over some of the guys to come help you pick it up? No, I did it by myself. Yeah.

Was that something you would call your friends over to do? Well, it's awkward to pick up a single mattress on your own. Your room is like kind of a little bit narrow. It's really actually not. Okay. You just pick it up and you put it against the wall and then you set up the bed frame and then you just take it and you just tip it over and it falls right onto the bed, onto the frame.

I know you killed this weekend in in Boston Yeah, I did. Yeah, it's got you get some oven money in there. Yeah, goodbye 10 ovens I Just feel it radiating off you that you crushed this weekend. No, I did fine fine. You definitely crushed I mean I crushed I would say If you crush more than two shows, oh definitely crushed. I mean, I crushed, I would say. If you crushed more than two shows. Oh, I definitely crushed more than two. Then you crushed. I would say three of the five I crushed.

The first two were fine. But everyone, and then I, after the Friday early show, I was like, that sucked. But then everyone else was like, no, it was really good. And I was I was like I don't think it was and then I brought it to the next level act outs you see I mean I was an out-of-body experience did you hump the stool I was humped I was throwing the stool they had to get a new stool cuz I broke the stool on stage that's how hard hard you went? Yeah. Fuck. When's your guys new Brunswick show? March 8th.

March 8th. I gotta get out to that. You should, it's fun. You know, I'm gonna tip you out really nicely. Tip me out? Yeah. I don't need tips. I'll tip you out.

You wanna pay me to do my show? Okay. You should. I'll take it. It's a good opportunity for you. To get tipped out? No, to get on his show. You should tip him out. Well, I'm already doing it. Yeah, pay to play.

You should be tipping his ass out. I'm gonna tip you out with oven money. How are you gonna get there? Tesla? Drive? I was thinking I'm gonna rent a car. Why? So I can lock in.

Not ride with me. So you could practice your business I was thinking I'm gonna rent a car. Why? So I can lock in. Not ride with me. So you could practice your bits at full voice in the car ride down. I actually have to drive to my goddaughter's birthday, which is in Philly earlier in the day, and then I'm gonna be coming back from there. If you want to take the train,

I'll pick you up at the train station. And then I'll drive us up at the train station. And then I'll drive us back and drop you at your house. A wrinkle has been thrown in New Brunswick shows. No ride. You just said you were gonna rent a car. No ride from the headliner? No ride from the headliner? What the fuck is this?

You wanna come to a two-year-old's birthday party? I'll go. So what time's the birthday party? It's two o'clock and it's in a trampoline park. Two years old is a little bit no man's land for gifts though. I got a really good gift. What'd you get? Can't say she hasn't opened it yet. She listens. This is the white noise to which she falls asleep. That's good. Mm-hmm. You, you've got to go to this birthday party, otherwise no new Brunswick show. Who else is going? Brunswick.

Not to the party. I'm talking about to the show. I really thought that's what you meant. No. No. Who's going to the show? Who's just like hosting? Her friend Brandon?

Kate? Does he have a car? I don't know. Well, why doesn't Francis take the train down to Philly? You take the train down to Philly, I'll pick up the car, I'll pick you up at the train station. You don't know how to drive. I am such a better driver than you.

Now we go. There we go. There's the next challenge. That's the next challenge. It didn't take long. Yeah. What can we judge this on? Do a fucking license test.

Get a proper license person, rules of the road, and have us do a test to get our licenses. But are we gonna have to do it in New York City, or are we gonna do it in, can we do it in the suburbs? Let's go do it in the suburbs. I grew up in Maine. Yeah.

Okay. I can't do the parallel parking in the city, that's too much pressure. You don't wanna have one in one area, one in the other, or we'll do it in the south. No, let's do it in like a big parking lot somewhere. If there's a parking authority in New Jersey or in like Long Island.

I don't even think we need one. I think you could just do it. Where? Yeah, parking lot in Cone. That's not a bad idea. You ride along and you have the checklist. Yeah, I need a car where I can have a bad idea. You ride along and you have the checklist. Yeah. I need a car that where I can have a wheel and a brake so I can slam on the brake if somebody's fucking up.

That's crazy. Have you ever seen the driving instructions that have that? I need one of those. You're going to need that for him because he's going to show up high. What? All that weed you've been smoking. No, I'm definitely.

Why would I show up high to the driver? Because you don't take anything seriously. Are you out of your mind? 100% how you've been smoking. Why would I show up high to the drivers? Cause you don't take anything seriously. Are you guys out of your mind? That's 100% how you live your life. Are you out of your fucking head? And then you're gonna fail your test and then you're gonna turn to run and be like Isn't there anything I can do? I don't know if you've seen that new

porn that I like. Now you're taking it too far. Where I think it's called Bad Driver by Bad Driving Instructor or something like that. The Bang Bus? No, no, no, no, no, no. They're all British for some reason. There's Bad, Fake Taxi, Fake Agent.

They're all great. The Bang Bus? It's always a big ass taxi. Why do I cite porn more than anyone on the show? I shouldn't be the porn guy. Because you're a freak. Well, those British taxis are almost built for porn. Yes, they are.

You know what I mean? There's just like a big ass space in the middle of it. Those are huge. And they have seats, they have that little bucket seat that faces the other way. Do they really? Mm-hmm. That's weird. Oh, bro, you gotta go to England, bro.

I've been to England. We should co-headline in London together. We should definitely do that. Yeah, I would definitely do that. Talk to me. We've talked about this multiple times. I forgot. Maybe I pop out there with you guys just do a little sightseeing. Hell to the yeah. What are we saying for this? 2028? For the Olympics? Yeah. Is that where they are in 2028? No, I think they're in the US. They're in the US. Aren't they in?

LA. LA. Wow. And then the World Cups in the US too. Wow, we finally got it. It's a good time to be an American. It's in the World Cup in New York City. Isn't it like Atmet Life? It'll be all over.

Got it. They don't just play all the games in one. No, there's a lot of games. They spread it out in case of terrorism. It's like the lone survivor. Makes sense. Just in case. I watched The Brutalist yesterday.

Ooh, I wanna see that badly. It's good, it's very long. You have to start it at the height of energy and focus. It's a three and a half hour? Three and a half, 320 minutes. Who is it? The brutalist. Adrian Brody.

Looks phenomenal. Guy Pearce. It's pretty good. I do. It's, I don't know what to say about it. I'm kind of still working my thoughts out about it. It's pretty upsetting. Really?

But beautifully shot. Is it about the Holocaust? There are Holocaust themes. He's an immigrant survivor of the camps who comes over and has to sort of start from scratch, even though he was a heralded architect in Hungary. And then they find out that he was making it all up? No.

That there was no Holocaust at all and he's just fucking fiddling? That's exactly it. Is this, did you see this in theaters or did you watch it on at home? I watched it at home. It was probably 20 bucks. 20 bucks.

I mean it's a three and a half hour movie. True, true. You're getting your money's worth. Big piece of meat. You own that movie now that I bought Oppenheimer at home and I've watched it no fewer than ten times. Yeah, that makes sense really I've seen that movie like six times But it's just when I'm on a flight and I forgot to I have it downloaded to my phone

So whenever I forget to actually download new episodes or something else. I just revert to watching Oppenheimer. Our movie gets better every time I watch it. That's Memento for me. Memento? Or I watch it on my phone at every, I just have it downloaded, so I'll just watch it on planes. To the point where I'm just piecing together scenes of Memento where it's actually like Memento.

Memento was a little too heady for me. That's Guy Pearce, right? He's in this movie too. Memento, what were you saying about him? Was a little too heady for me. That's Guy Pearce right? He's in this movie too. Memento what were you saying about him? Was a little too heady for me. Yeah, you couldn't keep up with your little brain? I couldn't. With my stupid fucking head. Such a fucking idiot.

Are all Christopher Nolan movies supposed to be like that? I guess not Batman, but Tenet was tough. Tenet was too heady for me. Can't watch it. Tenet was too heady for me can't watch it that was too much but Inception was just heady enough yeah I didn't think Inception was too hard to follow Interstellar too hard but I love that movie but that movie's definitely I had a hard time that's a confusing one what else what other movies does he have? Dunkirk. That one's hard to follow because I was falling asleep the whole time.

Fucking trash. I love that movie. Nolan's Worst. Yeah, well, what's his name? Says it's amazing. Quentin Tarantino. Yes. Quentin Tarantino is always yapping about something.

You're in a mood. That's how you could tell he killed in Boston. Tarantino said that The Social Network was the best movie of the 2000s I think I don't hate that. I don't hate it either Love that movie That's a banger. They don't make them like that anymore, but you see Eisenberg's trying to distance himself from Zuckerberg He's like I don't want people to associate me with that character. I don't want people to look at me and think of

I don't want people to associate me with that character. I don't want people to look at me and think of like Mark Zuckerberg at all. Like it's something I did, but I don't want to. Do people think I'm like that? Isn't it funny that before it would have been, I don't want people to associate me with Mark Zuckerberg because he's this loser nerd. And now it's like, I don't want people

to associate me with him because he's starting to lean to the right and go on Joe Rogan's podcast and learn jujitsu. He's like cut his body fat down to 6%. He's become cool. And now I don't want that. It's a different class of people not wanting him. I want to associate with Mark Zuckerberg.

I want people to be like, you two, were you guys in the same class? And I was like, yeah, you know, I tried to talk him out of dropping out because even if Facebook hadn't worked out, at least he'd have his degree to fall back on, but he would not be deterred. Wait, how old is Zuck?

Shows me how wrong I was. How far off were you from overlapping with him? Years. Really? What is he in his 40s? Barely. He can't be that much older. I don't think he's 40 yet, would be my guess. 40 on the dot. Really? Looks great. Looks great for 40. Yeah, so I guess I... But he dropped out after his sophomore year

or something like that? Yeah, he was 19 when he dropped out. So, I would not have overlapped with him for any years. And he had... He left three years before I got there. Bam. Facebook coming out was like, with him for any years. And he had, he left three years before I got there. Facebook coming out was a fucking... But the Winklevoss twins stayed all the way through and people, they were, you could still feel them on campus.

I'm sure you could probably feel their anger. Just the, yeah, you could feel their presence. They were spoken of, they were talked about. They were big tunas. And they're coming still. Yeah. They still want that bag. They're coming. They're not getting it.

It's time to move on. I once met the guy who was their third co-founder, the Indian guy. Oh really? Who's played by that actor in the social network. Who's actually British, I think. Do you know who I'm talking about? No, not at all. I think he's Indian.

He's their third founder. With the Winklevoss twins. There's a Pakistani guy. Maybe that's what he is. Oh yeah, you're probably thinking of that. You're probably thinking of a Pakistani guy. No, I'm kidding, I have no idea. There's a Sri Lankan guy. Do you know what he... Are you thinking of him as You're probably thinking of a Pakistani guy. No, I'm kidding, I have no idea. There's a Sri Lankan guy.

Do you know what he- Are you thinking of a Bengali guy? He's the smaller guy who's with the Winklevoss twins coming up with Facebook. I vaguely remember him. What's his name, Tyler? No, that's, Moskovitz is one of the Facebook founders. He's talking about one of the guys

that was working with the Winklevoss guys. Yeah. To find Facebook? I met him at a nightclub many years ago when I was a club rat. Mm-hmm. And we started talking and it did not take long for him to tell me how much money he made in the settlement.

How much? Divya Narendra, that's who it is. How much did he make? That's who it is. I'm not gonna say. 14 billion? We could just Google it, just tell us how much he made.ra, that's who it is. How much did he make? That's who it is. I'm not gonna say. 14 billion? We could just Google it, just tell us. No, it's not open.

It's not open? No. Settled for an undisclosed amount. Billion? No, no, they did not. That's why the Winklevoss twins resued. Yeah, because they only got paid like 50 mill each. Yeah, and they thought that the shares

were counted at the wrong value in the settlement. Whereas, Eduardo made over a billion and he would come back to campus and throw parties at the Phoenix, which is the final club that he was a member at. And he would just buy a whole bunch of bottles of like magnums of Belvedere. That was the thing. He would just supply all the booze and throw these parties. So that's what Eduardo did after he got cut out? Well, he's worth, you know, he's got a billion, over a billion dollars.

But now the Winklevoss twins are worth billions too, because of their crypto holdings. They've gone heavy into that. That's what we're saying, they're coming still. They're coming for Zuck. You couldn't hold them back, Olympians. It's not done. Yeah, but Zuck is worth like $100 billion. I'm six foot five, 230 pounds, and there's two of me.

Yeah, true, I hate that scene. I don't like when he says that. What do you have against twins, bro? Nothing. Careful. Well done. Well done, Ron. I have stuff against Armie Hammer.

I guess we know who the godfather won't be. Cross your name off the list. I bet the Winklevoss twins are probably like, we don't want to be associated with Army Hammer. I mean, they got it way worse. They got, I mean, they got double fucked. They just can't stop getting fucked. They got fucked out of Facebook.

And then they were like, finally, at least like a hot, tall dude is gonna play us in the movie. And then they were like, shit, he's eating people? He's drinking blood? Well, speaking of eating ribs, I made sh- Yeah, we were gonna have Danny Masterson play you. Sorry, speaking of eating ribs. I had short ribs. I made short ribs this weekend. That's fun. You ever do something like that? Never. It's hard. Sounds hard.

You smoke them? I cook, no. I cooked them over the course of five or six hours. Oh my God. And then I put them in the fridge and left them overnight so that the next day I could scrape off a layer of fat that was probably an inch thick, which is pretty gross. Yeah. And I scraped all that off, but that makes the gravy much more concentrated and flavorful. That sounds so nice.

And then I reheated it very slowly on a low flame. Then I served it over some cauliflower mash that I had made. What'd you put in the cauliflower mash? Some butter? Butter, I steamed the cauliflower. I didn't use any milk, I didn't feel the need to. Butter, garlic, mustard, some Dijon,

and salt pepper, that was it. Puriated in a food processor. Do you ever get into smoking? See, I've tried. That would be a good birthday present for Francis to get him one of those green eggs. I had one. Oh, really?

Yeah, and I used it all the time. The problem I had with the green egg was that it was just so labor intensive and so touchy. That if you wanted to just do a simple grill of something, it was a ton of work. Yeah. I thought you talked about this before, getting rid of your green egg.

I did get rid of it. I sold it to a neighbor on my way out. Would you like another one? I don't know that. I don't have the space for it. How big is it? They're big. Like bigger than Rogan? Let's put it this way. I can't fit my green egg in my living room. Really? You could fit a green egg in your living room though. They're that big? How big do you think they are? Don't you put like a rack of ribs on it? I thought it was like the size of like the Rogan kettlebell. You can cook pizzas on it.

Oh, damn. Full pizzas. Okay. Well, they make different sizes, but the one you want is probably the large or the XL. What you need low key is one of those indoor heaters, those like circular heaters, and just you cook some, you know, like the indoor fire pits or- Oh smokeless yeah yeah things don't you have

one of those yeah I have one of those you should use one of those and just throw one of those in your living room and kind of just cook over the open flame like that I feel like that would still be like pretty dangerous those can't be dangerous they just have one of those in the middle of my living room no you could do that Yeah, I don't know if I really want that. I don't know if I want to be like playing video games and be like bumping into my fucking Cauldron in the center of the center of my it's an open flame. Oh Really? Yeah, I could see you standing over it with your fingerless gloves

Warming the tips of your hands. That would be nice. Just pressure opening a can of beans. Like the true hobo you are. You could always fall back on hobo. I keep forgetting to bring in my Jetboil and make these MREs. I know. We've been talking about doing this for months. You have a Jetboiler? I have a Jetboil.

What's that? It's like a little mini... It's for camping. That's how you cook? No, but when you camp, yeah. Like you can heat up water really fast. It's the thing he, Right.

He heats up a big thing of water in less than 60 seconds. Yeah. That's cool. Yeah, you gotta come and make our MREs. Yeah. I think we've talked about the Jetboil for sure. Why don't you make them on Thursday or Wednesday?

Yeah, I'll do it. I'll bring him in we got to have Dana on again sometime soon before he moves to Chicago What he's moving to Chicago no does he sell that fucking bet he does dude. He definitely will I don't know about that fucking lib You're saying that New York is the non lib city and that he's moving to a lib city? If there's a city that's more lib, Chicago's definitely more lib than New York. You think so? Yeah, 100%. Lib central out there. Yeah, maybe.

I'm trying to find the video of my Jetboil, but I'll show it to you after. Yeah, show it after. Cool. I'd like to see that. You'd like it. Yeah, I'm struggling, but I'm trying to find the video of my Jetboil, but I'll show it to you after. Yeah, show it after. Cool. That's pretty sick. I my Jetboil, but I'll show it to you after.

Yeah, show it after. Cool, that's pretty sick. I'd like to see that. You'd like it. Yeah, I'm struggling, but like about like, obviously I wanna have more videos of you guys going head to head and stuff. Well, I think the car test will definitely be a good one,

but that would be quick, cause I feel like. Oh, it's not that quick. Takes like five minutes. No, a driver's license test? Yeah. I don't think so. I mean, I did it like 10 years ago, eight years ago. I remember it being probably at least half an hour. Half an hour?

Really? Yeah, we drove around. Damn. There's going to be some driving around. Really? Changing lanes. Ours was literally get in the car, do a three-point turn, go parallel park, and then make sure you know how to use your blinkers and your windshield wiper. Am I crazy in thinking that I drove on the highway?

Yeah, definitely. Probably changed lanes on the highway. I had to go through intersections. We had to go drive to a place where it was a long sort of empty road in a residential neighborhood or whatever. And there was a straight sidewalk curb. Yeah. And I had to back up. That was the most challenging part of the test was to do the hundred turn. No, the hundred yard backup where you put your arm around the thing and you look back and you keep it straight the whole way. Damn. No, we didn't have to do that. The hardest

part of mine was they, like, when you had to put the car in neutral and let it roll into a lake and then break the window. Yeah. To escape. I feel like it's one of the most essential parts that you go. You had to cut the seatbelt off.

Yeah. You had to cut it. Yeah. It was brutal. Unfortunately, you didn't have one of those hammers with the fine points. Yeah. I didn't have a ball team. You had to use the stiletto that was left behind

from the last girl who tried to pass the t- Well, they had various things scattered through the car and you had to kind of use them all. Yeah. It's just an escape room. That would be awesome. It's like Navy SEAL training. Yeah.

But you just burn a car. They pre-jam your seatbelt. Pepper spray you. At some point, the guy on the side just opens the door and rolls out as you're heading off up here. Like in the game. Have you seen the movie The Game? I think. With Michael Douglas? I think. Is that the one where he wears the mask at the end and they show the videotape? I think I've seen that movie and I think it's a fucking heater. It's an unbelievable movie.

It's kind of like a thriller. Yeah. Are you taking a point break? No, I think you're thinking of Clockwork Orange. I'm definitely not. Maybe you're thinking of- No, I've seen this movie. The Game with Michael

Douglas? Yes. Where his brother sets him up and it's Sean Penn? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's a good movie. But I was thinking of another movie. If we do the driver's test, we'd have to, the other person would have to be in the backseat just to audit it. Oh and talk shit. Well I didn't say anything about talking shit but I guess just to make sure that it goes off the same way. Just bring a bullhorn, yell, make crazy loud distracting noises, clam bake the car. We should get one that we can just wreck. Like for the beginning of the video. What was it? Like parallel park and you just sail the car through a fucking brick wall?

Let's just rent the car and then just return it after like two hours and it's just destroyed It's a k-y-t-k. Yeah, let's just get like the insurance. It's like, oh, yeah 50 bucks of insurance. Like we probably won't need it. Yeah Fucking all the windows are broken Bumpers hanging off. I was parallel parking. No, I'm sorry. We drove by opera practice. No joke.

The hardest part of the hardest part of the test for me was the part that I was the most nervous for was when the windshield wipers and the headlights. Because it's different on every car. Like it's, it's January. It's generally the same, but like we were supposed to know like exactly where it was when we got in But didn't you so I would like your car now. Oh, they made you Cars. Oh, it's yeah, I brought my own car So we did like so like I would be in like my mom's car and I'd be like, alright windshield wipers headlights all that shit I know where it all is and then you get in their car and it's like

Completely new layout and you're supposed to know immediately. It's all right. I failed once, but it was because my permit was destroyed. Wow, you failed? So I got there, I had a permit. Just saying, I'm surprised you have the confidence going into this, having failed it. Oh, so I didn't actually fail.

I failed on a- Here we go. Let's move that goalpost back. Well, I didn't, like, I didn't, it wasn't like I fucked up the parallel parking. It was exactly how you would imagine I failed. I showed up and you need your permit because when you pass the test, they sign your permit and now that's your license

until you get your license in the mail. And I showed up, my permit had been through the washing machine twice, and it was covered in tape, and I tried to re-sign it with my name, and it was just like all destroyed. And I got in the car for the test, and they were like, absolutely not. Question. They were like, you can't take the test with this.

Question. Did it go through the wash in your wallet, or were you just keeping your permit loose it was in my wallet I think I think I destroyed it in my wallet I see yeah you washed your wallet twice yeah something happened it was fucking just like like like he was in it had it couldn't have been in less than 40 I think you were carrying your permit was like a puzzle it was literally like it just dissolved like yeah, it was like a child blanket There's so much tape on it You could have thrown it out of the window of a cargo plane to let the villagers know to evacuate. Yes. Yes. Yes

Right. Damn. I didn't fail mine. I know that for a fact. My dad did his in Manhattan and he failed three times My dad did his in Manhattan and he failed three times. Because he had to parallel park in Manhattan. That does sound harder. We're well into 2025 now, which means New Year's resolutions are starting to become New Year's compromises. If one of your goals was to eat healthier, Tempo can help you stay strong with their delicious, fast, calorie-conscious meals made with real ingredients. Tempo is a weekly delivery service that delivers chef-crafted meals from a dietitian-approved menu fresh to your door. Tempo serves up fast, feel-good, single-serving meals that are crafted to cook in just three minutes so that you can eat well without sacrificing taste or convenience. With new recipes each week that are made with real ingredients and nutrient-rich, they

make it easier to help keep up with a healthy lifestyle. For a limited time, Tempo is offering our listeners 60% off your first box. Go to TempoMeals.com slash Boy Dad. That's TempoMeals.com slash Boydad for 60% off your first box. Tempomeals.com slash boydad. Rules and restrictions may apply. Did you have a strong suit from a test taking perspective? Was there a subject or part of tests that you thought you were especially adept at? No.

Oh. Like, I mean, if I studied, I would do well. Math, I usually felt like I could like, I would not know what I was doing, because I wouldn't pay attention, and then the test would come around, and I would like, I feel like sometimes I was able to like, teach myself how to do it. But then when I got to like, a certain age, I was like, I no longer am smart enough to be able to teach myself like In real time. Yeah all of these like algorithms right the smartest I ever felt was like doing physics like in like

Senior year of high school like to figure in the shit figuring out an equation or some shit like that And that stuff leaves you like the second that you stop looking at it Yeah it does suck that you don't really use math in the real world like the shit that they teach you because like when I when you know what you're doing in math and you get like the Fucking sheet of a quake like of like a problem to solve. It's like actually pretty fun. It's empowering Yeah, when you're like you're like it feels like you're cracking code. So you're like this is sick and imagine being a It feels like you're cracking code. So you're like, this is sick.

And imagine being a actually great mathematician at a college level or at a post-grad level of being great at math. Yeah. That was the smartest I ever felt was I had a math test and I knew the test was coming up and I knew I hadn't paid attention at all the entire buildup to this test.

And so the night before, I studied for like six hours straight and I like aced the test. And I was like, I was like, damn, I'm just going to do that every time. I was like, I'm just not going to pay attention during class every time and just study hard as fuck the night before. And then the next time came around and I went to study and I was like, yeah, I definitely needed to pay attention to class. I don't even know what the fuck any of this is.

Mm-hmm. It was like insane new formulas that I had no idea how to do. But you were off to Adderall? No, I don't think I was on Adderall at this point. Uh-uh. I stopped taking Adderall, I think, in ninth grade. You say it's a shame that we don't use math in our real lives, but what I would say is that every...

We don't. But the people I know who were really good at math and followed it all the way through college and stuff are the people I know who are making the most money of anyone I know. Really? By far. Like people who majored in math? Yes. Yeah. Or were just adept at math what you they maybe they were econ majors, but with a math heavy Yeah, and actually applied math Into their profession. Yeah, so they use a lot of math to this day. Yes

Yes, my only friends who use math to this day are like Union laborers Dealers Stringer Bell Stringer Bell was good at math. Yeah good at business drug dealers. Yeah. So a quarter is three pounds. Stringer Bell. Stringer Bell was good at math. Yeah, good at business, too. Yeah. Yeah, I don't really use math anymore. I still know PEMDAS, obviously.

I love whenever they serve up a PEMDAS on the timeline. And it has people in a blender. Yeah. People get fucked up by some PEMDAS. I don't understand how people get the wrong answer. It's like, dude fucked up by some PEMDAS. I don't understand how people get the wrong answer. It's like, dude, it's just PEMDAS. It's so simple. There's some hard ones.

There are hard ways to present a PEMDAS problem. In fact, do you want me to draw you one? Yeah, that'd actually be nice. We got a whiteboard right there. Give us some PEMDAS. Like, yeah, but I don't know how good that's gonna be for the podcast. What we'll do, you want to go back to talking

about airplanes again? Sort of, yeah. You know who uses math? The airplane guys. I also don't want to fail. Yeah, you're scared to get the PEMDAS wrong? Let's see if I can find a good. Because I just said how dumb people are

that they can't follow Pemdads, and now I feel like I'm gonna get it wrong. No, bro, you're not gonna, you know Pemdads. I feel like I've already taken a couple L's this episode. I'm not trying to stack them. You have? I don't think you have. Doesn't seem like you're taking damage.

Oh, I am. I'm hurting over here. Oh, bro, don't say that. It's probably just karma because you killed so hard in Boston this weekend. I know. I know you and Mooc were doing some math at the 7-Eleven late night. I got Burger King. I went full MOOC on Saturday night.

Wow. You can still hear the mic probably just picked up the noise my stomach's making from the Burger King. It's gurgling still. Dude, I've said it before, but since I stopped drinking the most hungover like the most thing that the thing that's replicated to hang over the most more than anything has been when I get McDonald's or like real fast food not like not like if I get like Papa John's or like or like like Popeye's or

something like that I'm talking like Burger King McDonald's beef I get if I get McDonald's or Burger King at night the next day I feel like that. I'm talking like Burger King, McDonald's. If I get McDonald's or Burger King at night, the next day I feel like I literally, I feel like I drank 40 beers the night before. You feel it in your head? I feel it in my head, my skin, my stomach, everywhere. Like yesterday, the whole day, I was just like groaning in fucking discomfort. How much, how many did you have? Didn't even eat a lot. I had a burger and nuggets and fries. At like what time?

One. Damn. It does fuck up your day eating that late. It fucks up your day. But I also, it's like I didn't really have a lot of, like I ate earlier in the day and then I don't like eating too close to the shows. And then the Saturday late show was the one that I had,

like my family came and all my friends came So we all went to the bar right next door and hung out did Nate's family wanted to come in his cousins and stuff came Yeah, how many of them six that's sick. He's six cousins. Well, I got all other cousins From both sides of his family like his mom's I think it is both sides, yeah, actually. They're close? I don't know, I think they just all live in their, they all live in Massachusetts.

Does Nate still live there? Yeah. The whole Nate family has remained in Massachusetts? Some of them. Where did the others go? I have no idea, I don't know. Can you hit him up? And ask where all of his cousins live?

Yeah. Yeah, because I'm just wondering why there would be such a concentration in Massachusetts and then a few have flaked off to go elsewhere. It's probably just their jobs, right? But you could just find out. Were they the older ones or the younger ones? Or was their families?

They're all older. No, but I'm saying in the hierarchy of the family tree, like, did the older siblings remain or were they the sort of the family tree, like did the older siblings remain? Or were they the sort of the first ones to sort of break out and then the younger ones stayed behind? I don't know, dude. I have no idea. Like his two older siblings don't live in Massachusetts.

There you go. That's an answer. But his younger sibling does and then his cousins do. And the cousins are probably the younger ones too. I don't know. I don't know his cousins that well. And where does his older siblings live? I don't know. I don't really feel like discussing it,

to be honest. Well, you can just give the state. And now I'm not going to. I'm gonna guess Colorado. No. That'd be so nice. You know the states though? Yes.

Is it out West? I will not say. It's out West. It's not. Depends on how you describe out West. What do you think out West is? You think like, you're thinking like Colorado, Wyoming, Montana.

Montana, Wyoming. Now. So Midwest. No. No. Ohio then? No. Why would they move to Ohio?

I have no idea. They didn't. They didn't. Indiana? They're living in Indiana? No, none of them live in the Midwest. So it's like Virginia. No.

Oh, West Virginia. DC. Nope. Michigan is still the Midwest. Are they musical? No. Oh, West Virginia. DC. Nope. Michigan is still the Midwest. Are they musical? No. No? What do you mean musical?

Tennessee would make sense. I was gonna say Nashville. Did they move to Nashville? No. To pursue their musical interests. Well, cause then they'd be down there with Peters. Peters doesn't live in Nashville. He lives in Colorado.

Anymore. He gave up on the music. He gave up on his music. So like Louisiana? Nope. Oh, are they in the South? No. You say it depends on what you define as the West. There's two of them and I said, yeah,

it depends on what you define as the West. Are you talking in California? Are you talking West Coast? There's one in West Coast. Is it California? No, or yes, yes it is California. NorCal or SoCal? SoCal. LA? No. Wow San Diego. PB? They live in San Diego. One of them does. Pacific Beach? I don't know. You have to find out. It's not Pacific Beach. Gaslight? La Jolla? No. I don't think anyone lives in La Jolla. I think the only people that live in La Jolla are old people. And rich people.

Yeah. Is that where you're going in San Diego? Or are you doing American Comedy Club? I'm doing American Comedy Club. Wait, we're close to where the other one lives. Yeah, we've got San Diego and then the other one. Texas? Because La Jolla is beautiful. We said Texas? Yeah. Yeah, Texas? Yeah.

Yeah, now Texas. Not Texas. West. Both of them are west, but of course everything is west. I never said both of them are west. Oh, so someone's in like Maine or something like that. Nope. New York?

Yes. We did it. Yeah, it took you guys like, I mean, you missed, you just, you guys were leaving off the most populated cities. Yes, but all that matters is that you said you wouldn't tell us and then we got it out of you so easily. Well, I mean, I wasn't going to go for another 30 minutes of just saying no. You could have been like, stop, don't ask anymore, I'm not telling you.

But then you kept being like, warmer, warmer. I didn't care enough. You were teasing us. So, because at a certain point I I was like how have they not guessed in New York City yet. I love that about you. And so it's their Manhattan? One of them is yeah. You're like that uh you're like the Austin Powers character excuse me you're like the Will Ferrell character in Austin Powers when he's like I have this ridiculous condition where if someone asks me a question three times, I have to answer it.

Where is Dr. Evil? I'll never tell. Where is Dr. Evil? I spit in your face. Damn, three times. He finds it irritating. You just couldn't handle us asking the question. Is it upper west or Upper East?

I have no idea, I genuinely don't know. So they're like downtown. I don't know. Well, I mean, they're gonna be obviously south of Chelsea. You can keep on listing neighborhoods. I don't know where they live. I feel like I'm just getting to the bottom of it pretty quickly.

Do you think we could get Nate on the horn at some point? Not on the pod, just to talk to him? Yeah. He's that close now? What do you mean he's that close now? Well, I know that for a long time, he was kind of like the fourth guy. Nate's been one of my best friends

since I was in middle school. Yes, but it was always you, Bo, and Peters, and sometimes Nate. Because Bo and Peters both lived in Colorado and Nate lived in Tampa. But you lived in New York and you got the nod ahead of Nate to go out and hang out. I visited, I visited, we all visited Nate in Tampa before we visited Colorado. All three of you. Yes.

But when you went to Colorado, Nate didn't come. No. So there you go. Why? Because all of them don't have jobs. Why didn't Nate go? Because he couldn't come. No. So, there you go. Why? Because all of them don't have jobs. Why didn't Nate go? Because he couldn't afford to go. Exactly.

And I could afford to go to Colorado and they could afford to go to Colorado because they already lived in Colorado. Right. I think you could have easily paid for Nate to go. Yeah, I didn't want to. And that shows Nate. He comes to support you, spends his hard-earned money on you. But when the time comes for you to spend some money on Nate...

The amount of money that I've spent on my friends is unbelievable. Dude, the fact that the Nates all came out in force to your shows in Boston, and you couldn't just buy them a ticket, or you even use your companion certificate that you got. I didn't know what five years ago when I went to Colorado for the first time, I didn't know Nate was going to come see me headline in Boston. With his whole family. Yeah, I knew. No, you didn't.

I knew they didn't even know who he was. I know the type of guy he is. You don't. What if it was just Barstool Nate? Talking about this whole time. Sass is just like shirtlessly best friends with him as they like canoe in Wyoming. Yeah.

Yeah, it was a pretty solid weekend. Boston was great. Very fun. Very fun to see people. Did you go out to any restaurants or anything like that? No, we stayed, I guess, the first night. So we got in Thursday. or anything like that? No, we stayed, I guess the first night or,

so we got in Thursday. We, I think we just got food at the club or something. I forget what we did Thursday, but Friday we went to, I got a lobster roll somewhere. Like we went down towards the water. It was so goddamn cold. And it was so fucking windy. And it was so fucking windy. And it was like me, Derek, and Mook, and we got food and then I was like, I gotta find

Juul Pods somewhere, even though I know they're not legal in Massachusetts. So me and Mook were like, Mook was like, I'll go with you. And we like, Ubered to some area, went to a smoke shop, they didn't have them, and then we walked and it was so unbelievably windy. Were you wearing this? No, I think I had another jacket on. You did?

Yeah. Because you wear this as your warm outfit. No, I don't. I've seen you do it and I couldn't believe it. No, but I don't do that. What's your your warm jacket the other jacket that I wear all the time? Patriots one And has like a white fur collar It's irreversible. This doesn't sound real. I don't think it's in my bag right now

I mean are you out of your mother? This is what pisses me this grinds my gears so fucking much when people say I wear the same thing every day and it's like every time they say they actually wear the same thing every day, it's a different outfit. I'm not even kidding you. Can you break out that jacket and we can decide if we've ever seen this before? Cause the way you're describing it, I have no idea. That white fur coat. It's not fur. It's just, it's fleece. So it's like you bought it in Aspen or something. No, I actually don't even know where I got the jacket Okay, can we see it? No, I'll repack your bag. No, what do you mean? Why you know then I think cuz I want you to I want you to try try a little bit

Try to draw try to go into the memory. All right, I will take a dive It's a it's a is it long white resistance Is it made of Dalmatians? Man, you guys are, I think we might have to take Wednesday episode off. You guys are grinding my gears today. You know the jacket that I'm talking about.

No, we don't, man. I'm not even fucking with you at all. Yes, you do. I've literally worn it. You wore it on the sideline of Super Bowl III, I remember. I wore it till New Orleans, and then I had to worn it. You wore it on the sideline of Super Bowl III, I remember. I wore it till New Orleans, and then I had to carry it around, because it was so hot out.

Is it down? Is it a down-filled jacket? No. Sort of a windbreaker. It's a thick jacket that is reversible. I think it's equally crazy for you to just go to an area to try and find jewel pods. We didn't go to an area. We went to a smoke shop.

By the way, why would we just go to an area? Do you guys know this jacket he's talking about? Yes. No. Owen, do you know that jacket? The only other jacket that I have worn in the last three months. I think you're just describing it funny. I don't think I'm describing it funny at all.

I said it's a black jacket and the collar has a fleece white inside and it's reversible and on the other inside part, the body, it's green and it's a Nautica jacket. I'm gonna need to see it. You're not going to, so that's on. Yeah, I have my Patriots windbreaker, of course. But that's not warm.

That's not warm at all, no. It's like a napkin. That's more just for style points. Same with the Duxbury golf. Yeah, style points. I thought that was Dartmouth golf this entire time. Everyone comes up to me and they're like Dartmouth golf I'm like, yeah, of course

Yeah, I definitely I have a Dartmouth golf I thought my god it from some friend like my with my last name on the side of it ever saw that And if I did I assumed it was a software company. You must have just got that stitch onto your arm Yeah, you're yeah did I? Bought a Duxbury golf jacket and then I went home and stitched my name on. You had your mom personalize it. That is a sick coat now that I know it's truly yours.

Yeah, it is. I like that. Not bad. That's cool. Very nice and waspy. Okay, so you went to that other, you walked around. Did you finally find your Juul pods? No, we didn't, but we went to that other, you walked around, did you finally find your Jewel Pods? No, we didn't. But we went to that restaurant, it's like 75 something.

I don't know. Hard 75. Lobster roll was dog shit. You ever get a lobster roll where you're like pumped for a lobster roll and then it shows up and it's just mayo and fucking celery? Yeah, not great. It's ice cold. It's like it's been sitting in a freezer for the last day. If you want a really good lobster roll in Boston, it's within walking distance from Boston.

Yeah. And it's called... Luke's Lobster? No, there's a... I used to play lacrosse against him in high school. Against Luke? He's from Maine. Really?

Luke Holden, he went to Cape Elizabeth. Isn't there a Luke's Lobster in New York too? There's hundreds of them, dude. Yeah, he's a good egg. They're doing the best. He's good at math. I was gonna ask if he's good at math. I would have to assume he's good at math.

But he's a Maine boy and he took Maine Lobster and he created an incredible, easy lobster roll simple company. It's pretty sick. They have like 95 locations. Yeah, people probably thought he was fucking nuts when he did that. They were like, you're gonna open up

another lobster place in Maine? No, but I don't. Well, their marquee one or their headquarters restaurant or whatever is in Portland. Yeah. It's a tough competition. It's tough thing to get into in Maine. But they make a good lobster roll. And also everyone knows he's a local boy. He's a lefty. They lit us up. Does he farm the lobster himself? I think that's a big part of their business is that they own the lobster kind of operation. They're, what is it, vertically integrated?

Do they own all parts of the assembly line, supply line? Or is it horizontally integrated? I can never remember. I literally have no idea what you're talking about I'll look this up some good business terminology it sounds like but uh just math it's math shit but don't they so lobsters do they like factory farm lobsters like they do with salmon or like is there like I don't know or you just setting more traps than anybody else in Massachusetts I know there Or are you just setting more traps than anybody else? In Massachusetts, I know there's traps everywhere.

Vertical integration is a business strategy where a company controls more of its supply chain. So it's like if you, you know, Amazon for example, right? What they did was they bought up all their own shipping trucks and warehouses so that they wouldn't have to rely on UPS and FedEx. And that's how they managed to somehow find a way to get goods to you within a day

that doesn't fry their sales and margins. I see. Interesting. You learned something. Yeah, but when we were walking through Boston trying to find the Juul pods, it was so windy. And in my head, I was going, you know, this is definitely windier than Chicago.

And I've had this thought before walking through Boston about how windy it is. And then I looked it up, Chicago's not even top 10 windiest states or cities in the country. No, it's not named the Windy City as a result of its wind. Do you know where that name came from? No.

Chicago Fire? No. When? It had to do with the Democratic National Convention, which was held there. Do you know where that name came from? No. The Chicago fire? No. When? It had to do with the Democratic National Convention, which was held there, and all the politics, and the people were talking in a long-winded way, and it was like the talk of politics

as being coined as wind. Oh, so it's like a derogatory term? It's like a tongue-in-cheek term really Yeah, now I learned something now. I learned something definitely taking that fucking stat to somebody I'm about to call my fucking parents or something Boston is number six if anyone's curious a lot of the top ones are in like, Texas Oh, yeah tumbleweeds. Yeah, I Wonder why they get so much damn wind in Texas, I guess tornado alley. Yeah tornadoes coming through

Boston is like I've always I've always thought that Boston was like colder than New York and Chicago It's like the coldest I've ever been has been in Boston every single time Yeah, but you probably spent more time and are you saying Boston or Massachusetts? I'm saying Boston specifically. Yeah, but you probably spent more time in, are you saying Boston or Massachusetts? I'm saying Boston. Specifically. Yeah. Huh. Yeah. I mean Massachusetts as a whole is cold.

I don't know if I'm right about this now. That is one of the explanations, but another is the weather. They say there's like four parts of the etymology. One has to do with the 1893 World's Fair. I was pretty sure it had something to do with the wind. Cause everyone talks about the wind coming off. He didn't push back.

Well, I mean, he seemed pretty confident. I remember learning in AP US history that it had more to do with the politics and how people were talking about, they were like braggadocious or something like that. Now I can't remember. I think he got bamboozled. He's blustering politicians.

Yeah, that's exactly right. Yeah. Wow. Now I don't remember. I think you got bamboozled. These blustering politicians. Yeah, that's exactly right. Yeah. Wow. Now I don't know what to believe. Because I was ready to take that. I was ready to call my dad. Chicago's definitely a windy city. The best lobster roll in Boston that I've had is at Neptune Oyster Co., which is in the West End, but barely in the West End, and it's amazing.

You do have to get in line. It usually takes about 45 minutes standing there. So with your you know, imaginary coat I don't know if you're gonna be warm enough. I don't know if anyone was waiting in line. It was so goddamn cold here I'm gonna give you three types of lobster rolls Filling wise I want to know which one you prefer good game The one where it's so full that lobster is literally falling onto whatever plate or tray. Where it's just full enough that you kind of have to squeeze it around and contain everything, but it's enough where it's not going to fall out if you have a good balance or where it's like pretty roll heavy. And it's just like the kind line. Like the one that I had in New Orleans.

Yes. Remember that one? Yeah, that's what that one was. I mean that was a slim gym of lobster. It was literally the bun was not separated at all. It kissed the top. It was literally just a line of lobster. It was great.

Dude next to me was furious though, cause he got it too and he was like, nah, I'm gonna need something more than that Yeah, remember and then they were like sir It's gonna take 45 minutes to get another order in the kitchen and so backed up and he stormed out He was furious. He was so mad. It's great. Love it when you guys reminisce on your great time in New Orleans It was it was a great lobster roll way better than the lobster roll. I had it in Boston I will say and finish mine to answer your question, it's bulging, spilling lobster meat for sure. Yeah. Because when you have that, you could just

move it off, eat the lobster roll, and then eat the lobster after. You got more lobster left over. That's nice. Yeah. Yeah. Best lobster roll I've ever had is at Eventide in Portland, Maine. It's the brown butter lobster roll made on a bao bun, a steamed bao bun. It's incredible. It's beyond belief. Wow. They're not that big, so you can eat like three or four of them. Mm. Wow. How much lobster do they put on?

Not a ton, but it's just beyond belief. I don't know what my top lobster roll is. Probably, I think I've had some good ones in like Nantucket, Martha's Vineyard. Nantucket? Definitely has some good ones in like Nantucket, Martha's Vineyard. Nantucket? How many times have you been to Nantucket? People say that Red's and Wiscasset

has a really good lobster roll. There's always a big line there too. Interesting. I've been to Nantucket probably three times, maybe four. Nate? I've been to Martha's Vineyard probably three times, maybe four. With the family or with Nate?

I went to Martha's Vineyard with my family when I was younger. We used to go, because my grandparents grew up, like my mom's from the Cape. So we used to just go like on day trips to like Martha's Vineyard or Nantucket. That's cool. Take the ferry.

Yeah, it was fun. The ferry was nice. Yeah. If you made, you know, oodles and oodles of money, money was no object and you could buy a summer home. Yeah. Where would you buy buy a summer home. Yeah. Where would you buy it? Martha's Vineyard.

Really? Yeah, definitely. Class. Yeah, I always liked Martha's Vineyard way more than Nantucket. Why? I feel like it's more like, like I feel like Nantucket's very like shoppy, you know?

Like it's like a lot of, it's a lot of like walking around and looking at like, oh, there's,'s oh look at this piece Maybe that's just cuz I have I grew up with Three sisters and all-girl cousins But like my entire childhood was just walking around and like sitting in a stool like an abracombe abracombe abracombe Wait, did you get it? I don't know you still didn't say I don't think I did say it right But I'm not gonna try again. No, that one's out of your reach. Last thing I need is another L.

But yeah, we used to go to like Nantucket and shit and I would just have to like stand outside while they would like shop for hours. And what's Martha's Vineyard like? I've been to Nantucket, I haven't been to Martha's Vineyard. I just remember like in the beaches in Martha's Vineyard more.

There are stellar waves. They're a little quieter, right? It's a little more grown up, a little more classy. Little bit classier. Less touristy. The waves in Martha's Vineyard are stellar. I just remember having one of those body surfing waves and I hit it and I scorpioned. Full scorpion. You know what I'm talking about?

My feet are in front of my face and not like this, like around. And I remember being, I was underwater and the wave was so big and I caught it too low. Maybe I caught it too high that it just launched me down. And I remember like hitting like legitimately like big boulders underwater, just getting thrown around. And I genuinely believed, I was like, I'm going to die right now.

Yeah. And then I got out of the water and I think I was like screaming, crying. Do you know that that's the third most common cause of paralysis in the United States? Is what? Is being tossed on your neck in too shallow water body surfing. What? Really?

What are the first two? Car crash? Number two is diving into pools that are too shallow and breaking your neck on the bottom. You almost did that. Yep, and number one is car accidents. Yeah. Interesting. Oh my God.

It is like a shocking feeling. Yeah. Like there's really no other way to replicate that feeling. It's so much more dangerous to the degree that, you know, body surfing is so fun, but it's rare that you find water deep enough that the wave is breaking without a fear of being tossed on your neck down below. But there is nothing better than getting like a good wave and then going all the way up to the shore.

All the way. You got your arm out. Well, that's not what I mean. Just out ahead of you like that. No, but it is nothing better than when you get up. The ride's over and you open your eyes and you're just on the beach. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're at your chair. You got to stand up and it's like you got to walk back out. Yeah, that's so good. Such a good feeling. That's so good. And you're going so long that you think boy I I need to breathe. Yeah, but I'm not gonna bail Taking me all the way to the picnic blanket. Yeah. Yeah. I remember I remember when we were when I was younger and me and my dad

We're body surfing. I remember there was this one dude bald So he moves better in the water, but he was he had this technique that we had never seen before We were we were me and my dad were mostly just Going in like like swimming and then and then catching it. He would go he would go both arms and Then dive in he would just he would just sail back to the shore Yeah I mean a true professional the really good ones kind of go at an angle the way that a surfer does And they go one arm out I I think, and one arm back.

That's what I've seen. That's amazing. I always preferred body surfing to like boogie boarding. Boogie boarding, I always felt like the risk of injury was way higher. Oh, I disagree. I feel like I would get on the boogie board and I feel like I would, again,

I would catch the wave too high and I'd be like above and I'd be like, I know this is about to be bad. And then I would, like, get launched, and then the boards, like, smacking you in the head while you're underwater. You're not attaching the ripcord to your... No, I would attach. Which was almost a mistake.

Sometimes I wish I didn't attach, because it was just banging me up the whole way down. And I would also get a killer rash on my belly. You didn't wear a rash guard? No. I had to. Mm-hmm. Then you gotta go to fun. And I would also get a killer rash on my belly. You didn't wear a rash guard? No. I had to. I never did. Sun protection.

Fuck, the good old days. I gotta get in the ocean this summer. I didn't hit the ocean once last summer. Are you for real? Dude, this past summer was my record for number of days that I've been swimming in the ocean. Yeah, I didn't hit once. By far my record. I went swimming in the ocean. Yeah, I didn't hit once. By far my record.

I gotta get in. I had probably like 60 days that I swam in salt water this past summer. That's crazy. Yeah. The last time I went in the ocean was, because I always have been anti the ocean because I'm afraid of sharks. But the last time I went in the ocean, I think I was in California. 60 days feels high.

And I remember it was probably four or five years ago. And I remember I was like, I don't want to go in the water. And then I got in the water and I didn't get out of the water for four hours. Yeah, it's the best. I was just by myself, just body surfing for hours. So fun. I used to, when I was a kid, I would put on a snorkel mask, or not even a snorkel, just a mask. And I would just sort of be in the shallows

of a calm beach where the water was sort of just pushing you back and forth like this, looking at shells and little tiny sea life and things like that, sometimes truly for hours, to the point that looking back, I don't know why my parents didn't check in on me. Yeah. Because I was floating face down. Yeah.

Yeah, I don't know. They were probably singing loud enough that they could hear you from the shore. Yeah. Singing full voice into your snorkel. I always believed that if I stayed in the water long enough with a mask on that I would find cash that had fallen out of someone's pocket floating. Did you ever? One time in a pool, but it was only $5.

It's probably like someone probably was like, we got to get them out of the water and they just threw a $5 bill in there. But the reason that I had this belief was that one time I was on a co-family trip with one of my sister's friends, family, and then they had, that girl's family had younger sisters, and one of them found a $50 bill floating. And from that day on, I always believed that the ocean was this, just this treasure trove of cash.

Yeah, that's what pirates thought too, for real. Yeah. They're like positive. I spent an inordinate amount of time following through on this. It was my way of combing the beach with a metal detector, I think. Cause that's where the metal detector guys

are scared of the water. They won't go in and go the extra mile. Right. She probably just found a wallet though. Took the money out, chucked the wallet. Dude, whatever it was, I mean $50 at that time, like I'd never seen a $50 bill before. I was probably eight, nine. Do you know how many, that's like two mouths of teeth that you'd have to lose to get that much money. And that was really at that time my primary way of generating income was losing teeth.

I wasn't even getting cash for teeth. My parents were giving me like fucking hot wheels and shit like that. Well, that's pretty nice. That's what I would buy with money. I think I got cash for teeth once and then I never did it. Then I would get like occasionally I would get like a couple quarters.

I would get silver dollars or the 50 cent pieces, which by the way, now, today, create my favorite ball markers on golf courses. A 50 cent piece. Yeah, those are great. I love a good ball marker. I like to throw a sack of Dewey down or a poker chip. Poker chip's a good move. But poker chips make it harder for people

if you're in someone's line to putt. Oh, good call. Because that creates a ridge. Yeah, the best ones are just the small plastic ones. No. 50 cent piece. No one's going to tell you to move it necessarily. And if they do, they're not as angry as they would be

if it were a poker chip. And I got to get back on the links, too, this summer. Yeah, represent Duxbury. Yeah. I mean, that's definitely going to be a video. I love that. I love that feeling, that's definitely gonna be a video. I love that feeling when someone's like, could you move your marker,

and then you put the potter down, and you move it a couple speeds, paces. When we go left or right. Yeah. Up to you, brother. You're a lie. The series that I wanna do with you guys is breaking 100, but it doesn't limit to 18 holes of golf.

And so it's like, how many holes does it take you until you get to a hundred that's kind of cool I don't know I feel like that would be just 18 for me yeah that would be for you yeah you would yeah definitely you sell when I'm shooting under a hundred right now really I mean oh it's if you play by the actual the thing is a lot of people don't play by the actual rules of golf. So a lot of people like I remember like being in high school and people were like, Yeah, I just shot a 73. And you're like, really? And then it's like, but they don't count like the out of

bounds and like that's ridiculous shooting out of hazards and stuff like that. That's crazy. I don't know anybody who would tell me they shot 73 and not play out of bounds. Yeah, but you're also not 13. Sure, fair point. How do you know? But like, you know, like people that play golf casually, like they're usually chopping a couple strokes

off their final card. They are. Me, I play with full honesty. Doesn't bother me. Do you know why? Why? It bothers a lot of people, but it doesn't bother me.

Because to me now, my handicap, the whole purpose of my handicap is in order to play in, you know, tournaments or whatever, fun tournaments at clubs, or to play for money against other people. And I don't want my handicap to be low.

So I put my scores in, honestly. I don't sandbag, I don't inflate my handicap unnaturally, which is what some people do, and I think that's probably even worse, honestly. But if I hit it out of bounds, I'm taking the proper strokes for that. Yeah, but I think also people don't realize it's a lot more strokes than they think, the penalties.

My point being though, that people who do put their scores in, if you end up playing them in a tournament, they're fucked. Yeah, have you ever played in a tournament though with someone that cheats? Yeah, I've called someone out before. Really? Well yeah, it was a big tournament.

Yeah. No way, what'd they say? It was a basketball teams of two. I mean it was the invitational, it was the tournament. And it was the last hole, we were tied. And the guy, the member's partner, it was a par five, the member's partner hit his second shot into the fescue on the right.

Yeah. And he went to go identify his ball, even though, you know, it was pretty clear that his ball. That was gone. No, it was just in, it wasn't in like shit. Oh, okay. It was on a dune that had, you know, fescue. Yeah, yeah.

But like, you could see it. Yeah. But what you're supposed to do is you're supposed to identify, if you need to identify your ball, you're supposed to pick it up, look at it, and then put it back down exactly the way that it was. Yeah. You're not supposed to improve your lie

in identifying your ball. And he went over, first of all, I didn't even think he needed to identify his ball. I think he said something like, oh, I think that's it. And I was like, that's your ball, great. Because I was helping him look. So I'm right there with him.

And he picked it up, looked at it, put it down. Then he picked it up again and moved it and then set it down. At which point I was like, whoa. And even if you're dropping, you're supposed to drop. No, he what, but he's not supposed to drop. I know I'm just saying, but like, even if you, even if he was supposed to drop,

he so flagrantly, he so flagrantly, you never displaced. He so flagrantly improved his lie after identifying his ball in front of me. I'm talking, I'm with him. Yeah. That I, and it was hugely important. And I was like, well, you can't, I was like, I said something like, well, you can't keep improving

your lie. And he threw a fit. I'm sure. And he goes, you know what, fine, I'm out of the hole. And he picked up his ball and put it in his pocket and then marched off, which meant he knew. Oh yeah, he knew. He didn't protest.

He was mad that I was like calling it straight. But this was. Dude, I genuinely think. There's money on the line. There's a hat pool. We put like, you know, you can't, you don't fuck around I genuinely think that when people play golf like for the most part like I know you play golf like

seriously yeah but like I think most people probably aren't even aware that they're probably shooting like 10 strokes higher than what they think they are yeah because of all the shit that they do right like that's like a lot of people just play like that. And then you go to it like when I did tournaments, dude, like in height, like I did tournaments for three years in high school. And then I did them over the summer, too. And everyone cheats. I've told it. I've talked about it before. But like if you if you went if like, say, you're playing

you're in a foursome and you all suck and you all got like a, so you got like, you all got like a triple bogey on like a par five, you get one dude every single time without a doubt, one dude to be like, par's all around. And then everyone, like someone would have to be like, dude, we can't do that. Like it's fucking crazy. We're knocking like three strokes a hole off.

This is the one thing that makes me happy that I didn't really pursue individual sports more because it's true and this happens in tennis as well. Up to a certain age, if you're playing competitive tennis, you're calling your own lines. And people fuck each other. And it can be so egregious because what's the point in being honest?

Integrity of the sport, great. Yeah. I have a scholarship on the line. Yeah. You know what I mean? So golf, tennis are big sports where that happens, where you don't have a referee. No, yeah.

It is very funny. It's crazy how often people cheat at golf. But you guys, thank goodness you guys are whistleblowers. I mean, I'm not 100% a whistleblower. Honest, Apes. Like the lie, I probably would have let that slide. I also don't know you wouldn't have. Not if you knew the stakes of this tournament and you were still playing golf to the degree

that you were playing in this tournament and cared. You wouldn't have. Yeah I promise you I definitely called people out in high school But like I would call I would never call out like the when I was a senior If you call people out in high school, you would have called this guy out. I promise you. Yeah. Yeah, you're probably right When I when I was a senior in high school I was like kind of being rotated out of the starting lineup who was there's only only six guys would play but there'd be eight people on varsity and you were tapped out and I was like seven or eight pretty much

every single time but so that because the coach was like we already suck like we were having a bad year and he was like we suck I'm just gonna have this I'm gonna start having the younger guys start yeah because there's no reason like I'm not going to college for golf. There was really no reason for me to be. Sure. And uh. Did that hurt? No, I didn't care.

I was terrible. But uh. You sure bro, you could talk about it? Like I wasn't like, I wasn't terrible. Like I could shoot like low forties, but like there were kids on the, like one of the kids on our team when I was a sophomore went to like Notre, Notre Dame for golf.

Wow. Yeah. So like there was good kids, but yeah, we would, but we, it got to the point where we were like the, me and some of the other seniors would have to like compete to see who would start. And there were a couple of times where some of those boys were doing some, doing some, some trickery.

Cocaine. And you'd have to step in and be like, dude. Not cool. Yeah. So you did care. Yeah, I definitely think I told on someone to step in and be like, dude. Not cool. Yeah. So you did care. Yeah, I definitely think I told on someone to the captain at one point for sure. That's not a guy who doesn't care.

What did you say? I texted him and I was like, dude, I mean, I was like, cause I was friends, I was good friends with the captain. And I was like, dude, we're doing these like tournaments to see who's getting in. I was like, everyone is cheating. And you gave him a name. I didn't, I don't think I gave him names. I think I just said, I was like was like, everyone is cheating. And you gave him a name. I didn't, I don't think I gave him names.

I think I just said, I was like, dude, everyone's cheating. Yeah. Did you say you were cheating? No, cause I came in with like a 48 and the other two dudes were like 37. And I was like, neither of them have the ability to shoot one over par ever. That's crazy.

So, you know, sometimes you gotta, like I didn't want to be like, I didn't cheat, but I didn't want to be like, I'm that much worse than these guys. You know? Right. That was more what I was saving. You should have started cheating then. No. There's nothing, it doesn't feel, there's nothing that feels good about cheating in golf. Like you get to the end and you're like, oh wow, I shot par. But it's like, no you didn't, no I didn't.

Like you know in your head, you're like, I didn't come close to shooting par. Right. I was closer to 50 than I was to par. Ethical king. What? You're ethical. Yeah. I respect it.

We did the club championship qualifier a couple years ago. I remember this is probably seven years ago now, six years ago, and JR Smith was in my flight. Yeah. You know, he's a golfer, right? Yeah, yeah. I think this was, maybe he'd retired at this point. Actually, maybe he was still playing.

I don't know, either way. And the top eight guys qualified. We had to play from the tips, which is hard, and it was stroke play, ball and hole, caddies. So you're, there's nowhere to cheat. You cannot cheat, you cannot hide. Is that not what you guys do in those tournaments, is it typically best ball?

Well, I think after that, if you qualified for the club championship, then there was quarterfinal match, semi-final match, both of those were match play, and then the championship, the top two guys did a 36 hole stroke play final. Jesus. Which is crazy.

But I qualified for the club championship in the qualifier out of a field of 16, I came in seventh. From the tips, shot 85 ball and hole. Which I was pretty fucking happy with. JR did not qualify, beat him. I think he finished ninth or something. Pro athlete. Yeah.

That's pretty sick. And now he's a pretty spectacular golfer. He played college golf too for a little bit after. That was like high stakes, ball and hole. You gotta make three footers. Yeah. No one's giving you a putt. Yeah.

If you miss a three footer, you wanna die. Yeah. And yeah, you know, from the tips, tournament pressure. Shot 85, I was pretty happy. Three footer, if you hit it, you get $20 million. If you miss it, you're in jail. You boys taking that? I'm great from three feet.

Depends on the three footer. All right, five footer. No. Definitely not. It's, I think I'd rather take a 10 footer than a five footer. Well, that's ridiculous. For $20 million.

Oh no, I got a good long putt. That was the saver of my game, was my chipping and my putting. I'm really trying to make us into the next foreplay. We're just gonna lift their questions. No, no Talk of golf. Oh, I would dust all those fools Here we go. No, I wouldn't I played with Frankie. He was pretty good. He's fucking good. Yeah I thought Frankie was gonna be a lot worse than he was and then I was like, I guess it makes sense He plays golf every single day on like the hardest courses in the country.

Yeah. I played on a public course. That course he plays that thing on is not easy. Which one? The one in Long Island? Long Island, yeah, I did that too. That was not an easy course. No. Yeah, it's tough.

The greens are hard. Fast. Yeah, very fast. Colonial Springs. I got to get back to, I got to get to the range. I'll go to the range. Once we get some warm around, I'll start going to the range and then we'll do a video golfing. I played, I hit on the simulator this weekend. Yeah. How was it? Good. Got my new TaylorMade P790s. Club, I was fit for by TaylorMade. I hit a bunch of those. Blades? No, no.

No blades? No, they're cavity bad. I'm not good enough to hit blades. No. It'd be ridiculous for me to have them. But I had, I also had the new QI35 driver, all these new clubs. I had to take the plastic off and I felt bad taking the plastic because they're so pure.

They're so beautiful. Oh yeah. It's like when you get like a new like TV and you got to rip the strips off. Exactly. Or a new iPhone, you're going to put thumb prints all over it. But I hated hitting the turf below and scraping up the beautiful heads of the clubs. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember when I first got like a, I got like a nice set of clubs and I remember after below and scraping up the beautiful heads of the clubs. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

I remember when I first got like a, I got like a nice set of clubs. And I remember after every time I would play, I would clean them for like, for like two hours straight. With a toothbrush. Yeah. I'd be like in the kitchen with like soap and water, like scrubbing them down.

That's what you do as a kid. Yeah. Yeah. And then eventually one day you don't clean them and then you never clean them again never It's literally like that's how I am about work That's how I was about working out to it was like I worked out every day and then one day I didn't and then I just never did again. I was like, well, I guess I'm never gonna do that again

So I realized it's way easier to not it is so much easier to never do it Yeah, we should do a golf video Yeah, cuz when we played in st. Louis that was fun. That was fun. Yeah, we played with Andrew Colin yeah What's there? So what's the premise of the video gonna be? I think we I think if I train hard enough I think we could do one that words you're not gonna train hard enough. I will you won do one that where it's just. You're not going to train hard enough. I will. You won't switch seats that are four seats away on an airplane. So what's the handicapping? We'll handicap it.

No, I don't want to handicap it. I'm thinking we do this like a while from now. In the summer. In the summer. At the end of the summer. In the summer where it's like nothing's going on, like there's no good sports on. It's just How are you gonna prepare? Where are you gonna train?

My living room. You're not gonna play more golf than Francis this summer No, I don't think I need to work on I mean you've seen my my irons. I'm strong with my irons You're surprisingly better at golf than I would have thought. Oh, I got a beautiful swing like butter Anytime someone sees my, anytime my swing goes on the internet, people are just like, damn, like butter. I just have to work, I just have to get back on my chipping and my putting game. So just 18, just a pure 18? Pure 18.

Cause when you see me, when I perfect my chips, dangerous. But I just don't want the video to be over halfway through. It won't be. Because I'll crumble for sure. That's what I was going to say when you were talking about the guy spazzing out. I was like golf brings out emotions in people that they don't even know they have. I've come to the verge of tears on the course before. Yeah.

I threw a putter in a quarry once. It gets like, dude. Well, you become very fragile on the course before. Yeah. I threw a putter in a quarry. Yeah. Once it gets like, dude, the thing that you were saying, the thing that you were saying about how there was no gimmies in putting, I would do tournaments where it's like the last hole and like the entire team and families are watching. And I've like, I like three potted from like one foot and you have to count all of those strokes, like it is devastating Yeah, like you just lost your team the tournament because you just three-putted under pressure. Mm-hmm The worst was the tee off though, they call your name

Harry Harry settle and then you go and you just fucking Eat the grass three feet before you hit the ball. It rolls two feet. And you just play it from there. You gotta play it from there. Tough. All right. Solid episode. Long episode.

Hopefully you like golf. If you don't like golf, maybe skip the second hour. I thought you were talking about the next like three months. Their new fixation. I'll be in New Brunswick, New Jersey, March 8th with Harry. I'll be I'm also I'm not headlining. So keep people. Someone was like saying that we were I'm doing like 15 to 20 minutes stops. Yeah. I'm also, I'm not headlining. So keep, people, someone was like saying that we were, I'm doing like 15 to 20 minute stops.

Yeah. I'm going to be in Providence, April 8th and 9th. We canceled the Thursday show. So your tickets will be, if you're able, will be moved to the Friday or Saturday show. Just, I guess, reach out to the clever, whatever, figure that out. So yeah, that's me. And I am in Atlanta next weekend with a new Brunswick show coming up, like Francis said. I'm in Atlanta this weekend. That's what I just said. Five shows.

I guess it's very far from Atlanta. It's in some other suburb, like 30 minutes away, but please come. We'll get some tickets sold for you. We'll probably make a little golf video or something. Yeah, it'll be a good time. HarrisLine.website.com. Please come.

PunchUp.live. slash Francis Ellis. Thank you. Wow. I'm sorry. I looked older, till you came around I was only falling one way Days were drifting For, for was I So, so then you listen Now I come alive

I was only falling one way I was only falling one way I was only falling one way I was only falling one way Fetish through your eyes Did you realize No one could take me alive I was only falling one way

See it just a distant light Feel it fast, don't ever run Call it just a memory Take my hand and you can see I'm Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Finish to your end Did you realize No one could take me alive