Son of a Boy Dad - Quadriplegics | Son of a Boy Dad #193

Episode Date: April 23, 2024

Quadriplegics | Son of a Boy Dad #193 - Follow us on our socials: https://linktr.ee/sonofaboydad -- Merch: https://store.barstoolsports.com/collections/son-of-a-boy-dad -- SUBSCRIBE TO THE YOUTUBE -- Ad: Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to https://RocketMoney.com/BOY. -- Ad: Son of a Boy Dad is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit https://BetterHelp.com/SON today to get 10% off your first month. -- Ad: Download the Gametime app or go to https://gametime.co, enter your email, and redeem code BOYDAD for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply). #SonOfABoyDad #BarstoolSportsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, Son of a Boy Dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. I'll say that. Yes, and we're clear. Alrighty, welcome back to the Son of a Boy Dad podcast. Today it is April 22nd? Yeah. Earth Day. Secretary's Day. Secretary's Day. dad podcast today it is april 22nd yeah earth day secretary's day secretary's day happy earth day and happy whores day zing anyways we're here you like that one i thought i was more than anyone else. Happy Dirty Slut Whores Day.

I'm happy to be here with you fellows. We're here live from HQ3. Son of a boy dad, welcome back. First episode since Taylor Swift's release. Yes, first episode since Drake made his diss track an official track on Spotify. Yes, that's huge too. his diss track an official track on spotify yes that's huge too yeah i'm officially tired of these uh taylor these people filming themselves listening to taylor swift shit though i don't know if i've seen any of that oh people crying listening to it crying i've only ever seen that one video of the girl outside of the stadium crying and her friends are like laughing now there's uh 10 000 of that

video of people just sitting in their apartment with like their hoods up just like looking at each other like shocked gasping crying i'm tired of it the new york times wrote an article today about taylor swift has given a lot to her fans is it too much that people are wary they're excuse me they're weary they're weary of how much she's putting out and people are tired of her even her even her fans i was under the impression that this album was pretty mid right i don't know i i tried to listen to it and uh i haven't heard it yet this feels like that podcast with those High school kids on the couch Oh yeah yeah I'm under the impression it was pretty mid

Correct me if I'm wrong No that's actually spot on Jason Yeah it's I couldn't listen all the way through But the discourse around it Is what's Driving me crazy right now I really haven't seen much

about it i just saw that it came out somehow my algorithm has just maybe just because i hate watched enough videos yeah people being like oh no a typewriter you know what that means yeah that's definitely it if you watch one video all the way through on any social media platform now, the next seven videos you see will be related to that video. Yeah. Like, they're on the algorithm. Like, it changes second by second now. Right.

I have an endless barrage of gay porn now. I got a lot of people falling off cliffs. Really? Yeah. Like, midsummer well yeah just um i i for some reason i watch a lot of cliff diving videos i get into those rabbit holes are good those are great yeah great videos but even better are people accidentally uh diving off cliffs i've never seen those i've seen the people that do the squirrel suit, and then they slam into the bridges.

Ah. I thought there was only one guy that slammed into a bridge. It might be just one guy, but it is the loudest noise. Was it a bridge? Yes. I saw the guy who hit the sort of cornice of the cliff. No, there's one where it got into a bridge. And he broke his legs in doing so, but he still managed to pull his chute and land and survive. Oh, no.

This guy exploded. Oh, boy. No no he's jelly he turned into a fine dust yeah a jam well you know here's one i started watching today is uh car simulations of different models of cars oh i love those videos what do they do jumping jumping and then getting into accidents and the percentage of survival. You got to not watch those. Why? It's just brain rot.

That's all about that. Dude, that's a kid playing GTA throwing random numbers on the screen. You think? Dude, there's no way that's real. He fucks the Tesla every time. He always fucks the Tesla. And I said to myself, I said, I think in my car, knowing it as I do, I would take it at the proper trajectory to have at least a... You'd land it like the Blues Brothers going over the bridge. 48% survival, I would say.

48%. I don't know. I've watched those videos for an extended period of time and then got off my phone and been like, why did I... What was I just doing? Yeah. I just watched that for an hour. Well, here's the,

all of this brain rot, as you put it, has made, has, has created, it's conjured a question in my brain that I have not been able to get past. And it's keeping me up at night. And I'm glad I'm here today to ask it of you too.

Yes. Which of the following two things would make you feel more guilty if you were to be the reason for them? One, you blind a child okay two you paralyze a child hmm damn that's such a good question what's gonna be harder for you to live with for the rest of your life oh i was gonna say blind see it's not so obvious yes this is one of the great uh questions of our time, I think. I would say blind. People debate this like red dress, gold dress.

Yeah. Whatever, blue dress, gold dress. Why blind? Well, so full body paralyzed. Or like the legs down. That is tricky. Yeah, let's just say they can still- Legs down, one night of sleep, I'd forget about it.

They can still- Wait. You said legs down down one night of sleep I'd forget about it they can still wait I said legs down one night of sleep guilty conscious is clean each sleep a little bit alright so

I want to make it closer for you then so you don't feel that bad about people that have to wheel themselves with their hands that still have the use of their hands

if you still have the use of your hands I think that is so much better than being blind you're just kind of like a a pain in the ass but people would still like you still have friends and shit like complaining about accessibility yeah shit like that oh yeah is there a ramp at your house before i come people that i know people that i know that are that are in wheelchair bound but have their hands are are the honestly the most inspiring people i've ever met i have never met anyone like that who was super bitter about it yeah i mean and it's also you do you can do

like you could do what we're doing right now you could play video games you could i will say one time we were in high school and there was a girl that was in a wheelchair. Yeah. And we were at a house party and it was in someone's basement. And they had to take the storm entrance. Yeah. You know, the storm doors. Yeah. And we had to carry her down.

Yeah. And I volunteered. The second we picked her up, I was like, this is a terrible idea. Why? Heavy as fuck? I thought I was going to double paralyze her. It was so difficult those stairs are steep as hell yeah very very hard very ungainly to carry a person how many boys did you

have in a wheelchair we have four of us okay but there's no there's no easy way to have four people they need to put rods on them like a bicycle they They need spokes like it's a litter. Like we are bringing her through the crowds of Rome. Yes. And she's got like a spiderweb veil over her face. They need to. I don't know why they don't make it more accessible like that. Four seems like a lot. Four seems like everyone was like, I want to get a slice.

Like I want other people to see me carrying. Because you need to. You only need to. No, we needed every one of us. Going downstairs that steep? Especially on a wheelchair. If you have two, she's going backwards. yeah we need you need to we need you only need to know we needed every one of us going downstairs that steep especially on a wheelchair if you have two she's going backwards exactly was it like a stephen hawking wheelchair or just traditional wheelchair no it wasn't a stephen hawking you think she's going to a house party down in storm city you think we're taking that on paralyzed

she was paralyzed okay okay paralyzed Quad or paraplegic? I'm glad that you said that because I did not remember. I knew there was nomenclature for this, but I couldn't remember what it was. Quad is all four. Right. Paraplegic is just a pair of legs. Gone. Is where you have a parrot speak for you.

Yeah. It's when you're a pirate who's paralyzed. Yeah. No, she only didn't have the use of her legs. Interesting. Okay. So she was given a handies. I'm still going blind.

I'm going, if it's only legs, I'm going with that over blind every time. So you, but you said that you can still do this if your legs are gone. You could, you could be a blind podcaster. Yeah, you could be a blind. The first open mic I ever went to, the second one, me and Omer there, and there was a dude legs are gone you could you could be a blind podcaster yeah you could be a blind me the first open mic i ever went to the second one me and omer there and there was a dude with a wheelchair and he was the funniest person on the show by a mile i'll tell you what if i'm blind i'm not living in new york city i don't care how bad you know comedian are you out of your fucking mind crazy

new york but it's better how is it better in in the country because you just have you can sit and braille read a book with the light sunshine filtering through the trees drinking iced tea hear the birds in new york it's like you it doesn't matter if you have a 10 foot 10 square foot apartment or a 3 000 square foot apartment if you're blind i just wouldn't want there's a blind guy in this off in this building right say again there's a guy there's a blind guy in this building this there is a high density of blindness in this area yeah because there's some kind of less manner there is some kind of yeah some sort of like moth flame that they can feel i guess i don't know how they're

all getting there but there are a lot of them and they say it's a different level of darkness when you're blind versus when you have no eyeballs i mean the amount we would save on motorized blinds because i'm at a point now where i cannot sleep without full blackout curtains really and if i have to get up instead of pressing a button i'm not tired anymore now i moving around. Or the sliver in hotels probably drives you crazy. Drives me nuts. You have to be incensed. Why did you ask that question? Have you blinded a boy?

I was just thinking about it. I don't know exactly. I must have seen... I was thinking about the worst things that one could do to a child, things that would be really hard to overcome, both from a reputation standpoint, if you lived in a village, say, everyone would know you for that thing.

Mark Wahlberg blinded two people. Yeah, but he's been so good in so many films. Right. And he's been such a good guy in the movies. He's the EP of Entourage. And he stopped 9-11. That's worth at least, what, five kids? Yeah.

But these were adults. Adult kids? What do you think? Do you think it would be worse to blind a kid or an adult? I think an adult would be worse. Oh, no, it's always kid. No. Oh, it's always kid.

No, because if you blind a kid, then it's like, well, you didn't really have much time seeing anyway. That's nuts. So you don't really have much time seeing anyway. That's nuts. So you don't really know what you're missing out on. You could argue if you blind an adult, at least they had half their life. And now they can draw their spank bank. It's much fuller. That's 100% what it comes down to is the spank bank. It's so much fuller.

Yeah, but then when you get blind, you become attracted to different things like textures and smells. So maybe like a nice beef stew gets it done for you the blinds are beating off to a stroganoff i'd assume so yeah a nice lasagna fresh out of the oven that can't be what drives them wild it's got to be something like it's got to be texture and smell maybe sound that if you were a blind person uh who really liked boobs yeah which my guess is they're fans that has to be their main thing my guess is they're fans yeah why wouldn't they be right yeah i'm sure do you think even some nipples have braille on them honestly yeah well that was exactly that's exactly what i was going to ask if there was a boob that was covered in you know pimples and warts and ingrown hairs and stuff like that

are they as turned off by that even more so perhaps than a seeing abled person they probably like that more what more texture you're saying yeah just a different a little bit of grip to it or just yeah nuances and they have to find the actual nipple they don't even know where wow that's a mangled that is an off-road breast you said it had ingrown hairs and warts mars breasts yeah but i wasn't picturing bumps the size of other nipples oh i was when i think of warts i think of road and new delhi i think of a big bump down which an ox cartwheel might lose its spokes yeah just going off-roading on a titty but uh the the blind man uh has to find new things to be attracted to yes you think whereas the paraplegic can just go back to their i i knew a i knew a ornery nasty paraplegic um and he he had a girlfriend that

he had from beforehand and i think they still he was like so insistent on like letting me know that his dick still worked that he would make like crass jokes and embarrass her about the sex that they had oh interesting that's too bad that's. Because I was thinking he must be someone who had certainly found the art of cunnilingus. Yeah, she just sits down on him. Well, yeah, but then he has to have sort of an MMA tap out, I can't breathe, move. Or he flops down onto her. Oh, you think he goes face first i don't know it was like when you get your hair washed at the barber she's coming in there do they do wheelchairs recline

you can do wheelies on them you ever sat in a wheelchair i'm gonna be honest i have yes it's not bad it's not bad it's very fun to the degree of you start to lose a little bit of sympathy. Well, no, it's fun. It's fun because you know you have the option of standing up afterwards. Yeah, except think of how much walking you do that makes you tired. Think of joint pain in your legs. It's like a vacation in Antarctica. It's like interesting because you can leave. Yeah, yeah.

It's like the waterboarding thing we were talking about last week. Like it doesn't count because you know you're not living in a wheelchair. I am trying to be a... So just get it out there. Did you blind a kid or did you paralyze a kid? Neither. You paralyzed a

blind kid. I think... I think... Yeah. I think if... You know how I got got here i think i got here through this thought which was that if if i i i love to move around quite a bit yeah by the way there's something you're also love to see i also love to see if either one of these things happen to me is there one that would make me more likely to want to just give up and die? Probably both. And I got that idea from Million Dollar Baby.

I'm not just being dramatic here. Wait, if you did it or if one of those happened to you? If it happened to me. If I was paralyzed all of a sudden at this point in my life, knowing how much I like to swim and run and all that. If I was paralyzed today, I don't think i would notice for like a week if i got paralyzed i haven't shit all weekend nothing would change for me like it would take until when my apartment really

smells yeah oh no it's me is that bed sores i have no shows until friday that's when i would first notice that i'm paralyzed that's when it would first kick in and it would be like 15 minutes before my spot oh lord and you'd And you'd cancel at that point. You'd try to run over there and you'd just fall onto the ground. You would be way funnier, though, if you were paralyzed. Think about how funny that dude was at your second open mic that you went to. He killed. But they did have to carry him on stage.

So you got to really kill. Because there's no ramp no this was at eastfield comedy club in brooklyn yeah and they carried him onto the stage and then he killed but it's like dude imagine sucking imagine they carry you up and then you bomb you just they just leave you out there they're like yeah you can just sit in there in some ways it is the perfect uh outlet it is the perfect thing i would say that you know an audience is probably more than likely to give you the benefit of the doubt true if you come up in a wheelchair in fact i might have to go find that one that i used to use for some of the wheelchairs

the electric ones have like so there's two wheels up front two bigger wheels in the back yes but then two tiny wheels behind that so it doesn't tip yeah but it's almost like they want you to do wheelies yeah the fact that they have those like tiny wheels it's like training wheels it's like on bike life when dudes are like leaning backwards dragging their hand behind them i got to the point when my friend my friends had a wheelchair in their apartment yeah because some girl had brought it over because she used to bring it they used to go to this bar called sidebar on sundays for football and it was so crowded it was miserably uncomfortable it was just packed and so she bought a wheelchair on amazon so that she could go to sidebar so people would give her space but she didn't actually need it

but like people give space to a person in a wheelchair. That's insane. In a crowded bar. So she would do this. Did she have nice legs? Or did she let her legs atrophy just for the sake of it? Oh, no. I'm sure that they were well-muscled and tan and defined. I would be furious if I saw someone with muscular legs fucking sitting in a wheelchair.

Yeah. I'd tip them out. Yeah, did she go to the bathroom like someone had you could assume someone in a wheelchair is just recovering from an injury yeah like that what was your question did she ever like go to the bathroom and someone would be like that's you're standing what's going on again i think that's just one of those things where you can't assume that it's a complete... True. I guess you could go to the bathroom and maybe limp a little bit.

Yeah. Put on a show. You're going to want to ask for a hand. Yeah. And girls are good at that. I wonder what percentage of people in wheelchairs, just in general, don't actually need to be in them. Because at the airport, it's 100%. It's 100%.

It's 100 it's 100 100 seeing an elderly person get out of a wheelchair and walk completely comfortably into the x-ray machine and then out the other side yeah at jfk specifically going to the delta gates that are two miles away from security i mean they must just they're just handing out wheelchairs honestly i want to start going up to the people like the soldiers who are accusing people of stolen valor yeah like where'd you do your surgery yeah yeah yeah what was the medical center where you did your surgery what was the procedure where they do the incision have you ever seen that louis bit where he's talking about how he was how he was in like a small town and there was uh there was like a he was walking by like a pawn shop or something and there was like a wheelchair in the window.

And he was like, I don't know how much of like an impulse purchase that is. Like someone just being like, oh, that would help a lot with my paralysis. So I don't have to drag myself down the sidewalk anymore. I can't believe this girl stole Valor in a wheelchair. Yes, she bought it. And then she left it at my friend's apartment and it was there. They used it as extra seating for football games and stuff because we would go there to watch games.

And I would always sit in it. And I got to the point where I could pretty much hang out in a wheelie without needing to adjust much. In a wheelie? Like you could do a wheelie without needing to adjust much in a wheelie like like you could do a wheelie and just chill yeah yeah that's what was the core strength it's easy no it's uh it's just knowing that you know not panicking you remember do you remember those bongo boards oh yeah those are awesome where you'd kind of go like that yeah but if you got the hang of it it was all about just don't move much yeah yeah same with wheeling i was good at those those were great yeah i liked those you have the benefit that if you fall backwards out of it you can just roll onto your feet whereas if you're in

a wheelchair you're gonna have to like crawl back into that chair it's gonna be nasty to this point the girl i mentioned from high school whom we brought down the stairs i think it's who we brought down the stairs uh she we created a dance circle at that dance party and she went in the middle and did wheelies and we all cheered that's awesome now i would not have applauded as loudly had i known how easy it was to do that. I gave her undue credit, but I wouldn't know that until years later when I learned to do it myself. Yes, understood.

Imagine having a real wheelchair and being in the corner of that party, just furious that everybody's celebrating this fake wheelchair girl. Yeah. Because you can't do a wheelie probably. Correct. If you're...

Yeah, because then there's paraplegics whose hands are sort of like clubs. They're a bit like what you would do to your hand if you'd hurt your hand. Like what JPP has to do for a game. Yes, you wrap it up.

Yeah, and they sort of seem to wheel using their palms. It's like Tua when he got injured. And the palm, I mean, there's not a lot of dexterity in palms. That's why, then you understand the fingerless gloves on people in wheelchairs. Oh, I've never seen that. I've seen that only in like the basketball wheelchair do those people qualify as uh paraplegics or would you call them quads or

are they regaining over time the use of their fingers i think pair is just legs so i don't know if you have your fingers i don't know that's a have your fingers, I don't know. That's a good question. That's an important distinction to make. I don't know. I'm thinking of Jason Street in Friday Night Lights. That's who I'm thinking of. I never watched it. Because his hands were sort of permanently closed and like a little bit of a bird.

Can you guys do a good job of not looking at people? I'm on one today, man. I don't know what happened i'm fucking exhausted you're having fun saying shit it's so horrible i'm gonna end up paralyzed i just know it yeah no maybe you are you are do you guys do a good job of not looking at people's like hands when they uh no terrible i'm like a little kid in target his mom staring right at it yeah what is that

unclamp unclamp yourself unclamp yourself you have half of an arm. What about when you go to shake the hand of a person whose hand is malformed and you don't realize until you are shaking it? You just have to shake it, right? It's never happened to me ever. You've never shaken either a stump or a nub? If anything, I would just go for a fist bump. Which is worse. It's dead.

The problem is you would think you should let them lead, right? Are you coming across that many people with deformed arms and hands? Dude, this has happened. Yes. It has happened. I have shaken a mess. I don't really know. I did have a guy come to a show. What else to call? I did have a guy come to a show that was in a wheelchair.

And this was in Ontario, California. And it was very difficult to read that situation, I will admit. What did you do? I think I tried to shake his hand, but it was a very loose handshake you shook his mess and then he asked for a photo and he had a digital camera you know you gave it to someone else to take the photo he had you give it to someone else yeah so can you take this off my lap and give it to that guy exactly i will say they those people are incredibly good at carrying things the way that we would if we told a person at a grocery store i don't need any bags

but it was on the border yeah where you're you it's all i disagree under the arm and they have that they've got the it's like your airplane seat you just like have everything if you had they have pockets everywhere oh you think absolutely they got pockets on the sides i've seen people that don't have fully formed hands and they're very good at their strength of of arm to core sort of pull is because that none. Because that's their thumb, basically. Their elbow is their thumb. Yes, that's how they secure things. And they could hold like 17 tennis balls.

I think you're giving too many props now. I think you're really giving it up to the wheelchair community. Oh, we shouldn't honor them? Well, I mean, no. Let's not give them undue credit. I don't think we need't honor them well i mean no let's not give them undue credit i don't think we need to you're right all right praise them but i will no i don't think that i don't think that's that impressive that's good i don't think that's that impressive spot on i don't think

putting stuff in your lap is that impressive let's not make it too easy for them you should see me i mean right now i have tons of stuff in my lap in my pockets yeah yeah you brought a lot of stuff in i sure did yeah i saw that they would also want the same uh standards that everybody has if you start giving them like oh yeah look he's holding something under his wing yeah wow what you got there a tennis ball right wow you're really holding that good job holding on to that yeah sometimes though when i'm passing someone like that i'll overlook away like if i'm passing someone who has something who has a mess i'll like yeah stare to like the ceiling yeah i'll like run into something else because i'm trying so hard not to bring attention to their mess right i'll like walk into a fucking glass door i don't

know um i don't really know what else to do i don't know what you're what the expectation is but i don't think there is let me let me glaze for one second people who are disabled in my experience have the best sense which it seems like you have a lot of experience i do with the disabled i grew up in a place where people were falling down left and right lumber accidents steep hills you know yeah major opioid circle circular saws yes yes carpenters. There was a high frequency of mess. Okay. Yeah. In fact, we didn't even call our hospital a hospital. We called it a mess hall.

You tried. You tried, but I got it out under. I knew exactly where it was going. It's like when we play Egyptian Rat Screw, my hand was just under yours on the slap. I've never played Egyptian Rat Screw. Just under. We seem to live much different lives. Egyptian Ratscrew is a great card game.

Never even heard of it. I think you'd recognize it if you saw it. Do you play that with your disabled friends? Sure don't. You can't tell if part of their mess is... With your dozens of disabled friends? It's like if one tentacle is under a finger, it just... Is this because when you jumped off that when you jumped off that

dock and you hit your head do they like put you in with the disabled kids in school and then you kind of just grew up with those guys no but i think that in that in that moment i should have become uh disabled i should have become paralyzed yeah and by by the grace of god, I didn't. But I now understand what it's like. Yeah, horrific. I have that experience. I have that life. I think going back to the original question, I think like waking up, being blind or paralyzed, it's got to be paralyzed every time. What are you saying?

You'd rather? Or would rather? You'd rather wake up paralyzed. Yeah, than wake up blind. Imagine waking up and you open your eyes and it's just, what do you saying rather or would rather you'd rather wake up paralyzed yeah then wake up blind imagine waking up and you open your eyes and it's just what do you even do i was talking about this with my friends because my friend bo just got lasik i was like what if you go blind and it's like what would you do like you wake up you're like you're reaching for your phone you have no idea where it is who do you you just got to yell? I would just I'd be in my apartment alone just yelling.

Help! Like at least if I was paralyzed, I'd wake up and I'd call my mom. I'd be like, you to come to New York. Can't move my legs. What are you talking about? Call your mom. You're paralyzed. Bring a sponge.

Oh, I'm still thinking waist down. Obviously, if it's full body, I'm going blind every time. All right. Waist down, though. down obviously if it's full body i'm going blind every time all right waist down though like i'd call i'd call my mom i'd shuffle over to the living room yeah here shuffle yeah like you're at scooch yeah i'd scooch my army crawl into the living room you're not on the couch you're not in that you're not absolutely i would i think you're scooching and i'd probably order some food keeping the legs losing the arms oh yeah oh yeah for sure by the way there's an important distinction that needs to be made right now before we go any further in this conversation okay people who are paralyzed i'm pretty confident live shorter lives their organs fail

they there's a major drawback as bad yes right why because they can't like exercise and shit being being paralyzed not moving the the loss of circulation in your legs all of this like your body doesn't function the motion is lotion as well if you are not moving your legs you i don't think you live as long you might shorten your lifespan by a significant margin whereas people who are blind can live till in fact i think all old people are blind i'm sure going blind shortens your lifespan too no you just see the future when you accidentally like walk in front of an 18 wheeler yeah or you slow down yourself and there and and you before you feel with your stick oh there's a little bit of a ledge here hello hello could someone take my arm preferably with an arm that's

not a mess and usher me across the street have you ever ushered a blind person across the street? Never. That would be good for you. Roan knows that I have because he saw me doing it when I didn't even know he was around, which means I did it the way that John Wooden wants you to do it, which is when no one else is looking. I walked up behind Francis and he was walking the blind person,

but then he was like, wait, how far do you have? 34th Street? He was like, I'll just leave you here. Well, I also could feel that there was nothing. You stay here for an hour. There was no cash in his pockets. And at that point, it was like, what are we even doing here? He had folded up the bills differently.

Yeah. The losing your arms thing is like you can't just be paralyzed at your arms. They would have to be gone. Paralyzed in the arms would be a breeze i mean you people wouldn't even notice you could just walk you could just like walk down the street you'll be like wow that guy's a very flamboyant walk or it's like cool it would look cool his arms are swinging in the arms fighting a dude while you're paralyzed in the arms

and just spinning in circles but these are just for show it's not even for me it's to make other people more comfortable I had the option to remove them in fact these are prosthetics no use but they would show the guys who

or it was girls actually, who had no arms and they would be making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. With their feet? Their feet. Yes, with their feet, like climbing up onto the counter. Yeah, I would never do any of that shit. That shit's weird. What?

Wait. I definitely wouldn't. You wouldn't learn to use your feet? No, I wouldn't be using my feet as tools. Why not? That's weird. You have to it's creepy then then your only other option is your neck is your mouth is your neck where you're

holding an orange like in a i don't know country fair game maybe i would in private i don't think i would in public like i don't i wouldn't want to sit here and be like i gotta go i got an order an uber but you get my let me get my toes out. Flexible. And I've seen a guy who was able to cast a fishing rod with his feet. And that's something you would pick up. Yeah, he probably sucked at fishing. Not from what I saw. I realized in that time that my brother was was an artist you would definitely be on war zone

like with a headset and fucking playing with your feet there's no doubt in my mind I'd probably get that Neuralink shit play war zone with my mind they had outfitted a car for that person that I knew

who was it that we didn't know someone that went into an uber string that was like a gas pedal someone someone told me that they went into an uber and they and their driver had no arms and it was all feet was that you no we went we so we ran into didn't we run into three we have three deaf ubers in austin austin the driver was deaf yeah which should be some kind of reward that should be like it was hilarious because three straight still had like the volume for the uber directions up and one of the ubers we got in it was at like an excruciatingly loud volume so like it would be silent and then all of a sudden it would just be like take a left like the loudest noise you've ever heard yeah that was a blessing having three straight ones but i i was never in with uh what was it on unlegged or someone told me that they

i forget who was maybe it was a lie you can't have an unarmed uber driver i don't think they discriminate at uber what are you talking about someone how low would your rating have to get for you to think i deserve an armless uber driver the armless uber driver is getting me from point a to point b i don't give a shit how he's doing it and it's probably like the comic going on stage like the audience is way more likely to give a higher rating because they're like oh look at that yeah he's knee driving like ld that shit is impressive it is the dis the disarmed the unarmed folk i guess we're lucky i i thank God for my fucking arms, legs. Arms, legs, eyesight.

Even just having all my fingers. I don't think I could be a nine finger guy. I don't know how Deon does it. I definitely could. You, I mean. Get rid of the pinkies. Be totally fine. What?

Pinkies are essential. This pinky's going. This one's going. It's dead? It's just I've broken it so many times that I don't think it's long for the world. Yeah, exactly. So you would just snip it off like Ronnie Lott? I don't know what I would do.

It's starting to fold in on itself. I'm getting clubby. Yeah. Clock pumping. You're getting a mess? I was born with 12 fingers getting a little messy did you know that no i didn't yeah tell us let's see the scar your scars right here why didn't you keep them and here you're making this up i swear to god there was an old phillies

pitcher who uh had six fingers on each hand and six toes on each foot. You can feel the bump if you want. I don't want to touch it. You don't want to feel it? Right here. Okay, now I want to feel it. Ew!

Give me, give me, give me. That? Well, you got to feel. It's right here. It's like a wart. Oh, yeah. There's a little scar tissue there. Is that what that is?

Probably scar tissue? Probably. Is that humans evolving? They removed my fingers. They were just little nubs with fingernails on them. Ew. When friends have babies and you say, how did it go? And they say, great, 10 fingers, 10 toes.

He was like, well, the Phillies pitcher wore number 24 because he had four extra is that right yeah and he antonio alfonseca and he made it work it didn't matter and they're functional fingers yes and imagine how good of a huh oh yours were just mine were literally they were just nubs with fingernails you definitely could have crushed on war zone with a fucking oh if i had an extra finger you got to get rid of those i see yeah they got rid of them instantly. Those are not good. It's not that uncommon. It's pretty weird that I can see what you're saying now and I get it.

I was going to say that seemed short-sighted to have them removed, but just half formed, they were sort of kind of sprouts. Yes. That never really blossomed. Yeah. I see. One in 1,000 to 10, 10 000 newborns that's a broad range not as common as i imagined it to be no but not not uncommon one in 1 000 is not crazy at all

you're called a polydactyl yeah that's pretty good a polydactyl yeah you're poly do you have them do you you have your pinkies? Yeah, they're in a jar at home. Just pickled? Your pickled pinkies? Yeah. Yeah. You're saving them for a cocktail.

Yeah, yeah. Put them on the edge of a cocktail. Sometimes I like to strap them back on. Like Forrest Gump. What could have been? Yeah. I was typing. Imagine how fast you could type with six.

Or how good you'd be at piano. Piano, I'd be unbelievably good. Rachmaninoff famously, who was one of the great composers ever, they said that part of what made him so good at the piano was that his hands were just fucking gigantic. He's got all these crazy tenths and elevenths where he's able to split his fingers across amount of notes that most pianists can't make.

I've seen stretches that pianists do and the penis stretches are insane. And then there was one famous composer who ruined his hands by trying. He would string weights to them to try to make them bigger, the spread. Right. And it crippled his hand and he had to stop playing. Well, I've heard there's penis enlargement surgeries that you can get. I have seen ads for those.

I have. But you have to ads for those. I have. But you have to go to weird countries. Yes. And it's never covered by insurance. Yeah, Dr. Miami. Dr. Miami. Be a better penis. I'm trying to get better at pianist.

Pianist. I want my hands to stretch longer around my piano. Saz, you are a low-key good pianist though, right? I used to dabble. Eight years. Yeah. Eight years on the keys. Did you not know this about him?

No. You guys should play a cross-hand piece together. I can play Fur Elise. Nice. Yeah. Beethoven. Yes. I was actually, I have a photo of me performing at, um, Barnes and Noble as a youth.

The fuck? Yeah. I was just looking at this. I love a photo of music. Nothing really captures music like a still photograph. Here I am at Barnes and Noble. Wow. That's where you had your recitals? It was one recital recital ours were in sort of concert halls there i am that was you yeah what a good boy god damn look at that posture because they make you up and down they make you have your posture i remember that what happened to then since then i don't know i used to get so nervous for you know i don't i was thinking about that because i don't remember getting that nervous which i'm surprised by because now I would be shitting my pants. It was so terrifying.

So terrifying. I never got... I had to do a duet with my teacher. Your fingers would get sweaty. My hands would be soaking sweat. They would be slippery. Did you ever miss? Did you ever hit an errant note during a recital?

I think I had some mistakes. I never fucked up. One time I was playing Cruella de Vil and I started too fast. Luckily, I knew it dead to rights so I could keep the pace the whole time. You just played it fast? But my teacher after said that she turned to another teacher and said, oh no, he's gone out. He's going too fast.'s he's not he can't slow down did you have to memorize the songs some for some of mine that one i don't think i don't

think barnes and noble i had to most of the time i did but i got to a point where there'd be long songs long classical songs and then you'd have a page turner come up and just as you were getting ready you'd go like yeah and then they would turn the page yeah you know that if you're if your teacher was uh trying to do a duet with you you were being groomed right no i don't think so yeah that's exactly what was going on that teacher was the real deal i was in fifth grade she was this old asian lady and she made me do flash cards with random notes on them oh you did theory that's good yeah and then i took another so i took piano with my first teacher who was just like go to her house that was when i was really young and that sucked that was just playing like mary had a little lamb and shit and silent night and then and then i stopped and then i went back to

a new teacher at like an actual music thing and that was that old asian lady and that was hardcore that was an hour-long class and that was like flash cards that was the one i did the duet with and then i stopped and then in high school i went to a music theory teacher you played piano through high school no i stopped in ninth grade put down the keys forever and um you know music theory no not really it was really hard that that i didn't like i never liked that the teacher was cool but i mean he tried to make me like sing he tried to make me like match the tone of the key of the notes can you sing center c dude i don't know what no i was like i don't know what i'm doing that's not it uh i think that's it i think that's center seat mommy makes me munch my m&ms yummy um mommy made me munch her little

box no but i i didn't like that because i just wanted to learn how to i just wanted to learn chords and then i just went home and i learned the jazz chords and that's all i really wanted to know i wanted to be able to jam you wanted to be a jazzy jammer i just wanted to jam you wanted to have a piano skill that matched your fedora yeah i didn't want to fucking i didn't want to learn how to play like long like bach songs and shit um yeah we had it that's pretty impressive no you've you corrected me. You had G. I make that mistake sometimes. That's C right there.

We had it dead to rights. Damn, perfect pitch, boys. Guys, let's take a second and talk about game time. Game time. Did you know that you can get tickets to a Knicks game? A Yankees game? What a time of year for game time. Do you know you can go to uh brooklyn cyclones the rangers even the islanders or mets and it's all right here on your phone at game time so simple so straightforward just a couple clicks and bam you have been

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Create an account and use code BOYDAD for $20 off your first purchase. Terms apply. Download the Game Time app today. Last-minute tickets, lowest price guaranteed. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. It can be easy to ignore our social battery and spread ourselves thin, especially with social gatherings picking up after the winter.

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And I was able to find all of that information through BetterHelp. I have a hard time understanding my social battery because I find that I'm all up for it gung-ho and then I get out into a group of crowded people and I just feel absolutely unhappy. Understood. I need to go home. Understood. And it took me a long time to learn that. Exactly. And you learned that with BetterHelp. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed

therapist and switch therapists anytime for no additional charge find your social sweet spot with better help visit betterhelp.com slash sun today to get 10 off your first month that's better help help.com slash sun all right, let's talk about Rocket Money. I just ripped out snow on my stomach. Jesus Christ. That was a crazy stomach noise. It's like a whole couch started shaking. It's a tremor.

Another earthquake in New York. Francis, bring it back. Let's talk about Rocket Money. Yes. Guys, we live in an age of subscriptions, and we have so many that so often we don't even realize when we are paying for something that we're not using at all. They're hard to keep track of, all the subscriptions. Have you double paid? It drives me crazy just knowing that I'm wasting money out there on stuff that I'm not even using anymore.

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Plus, they'll help create a custom budget and keep my spending on track. Rocket Money will even try to negotiate lower bills for you by up to 20%. All you have to do is submit a picture of your bill, and Rocket Money takes care of the rest. They'll deal with customer service for you. Yes. Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions,

saving members up to $740 a year when using all of the app's features. Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash boy. That's rocketmoney.com slash boy. Rocketmoney.com slash boy. My music teacher was a little nuts though. He told us that he learned piano, or he learned music theory from... Who's the super famous jazz musician who died in 1955? Charlie Chaplin? No. Charlie Bird?

No, but it's Charles... Charlie something. Parker. Charlie Parker. But that's Bird. Okay. Yeah. Oh never i've never heard anyone call him bird but she he said that he learned right he said that he learned music from charlie parker and i was like parker wasn't a pianist was he learned a music theory from charlie

parker and he was like and then he went on to die of a heroin overdosage and i was like oh i was like this is nuts i'm learning from someone and then i looked it up and i was like, and then he went on to die of a heroin overdoses. And I was like, oh, this is nuts. I'm learning from someone. And then I looked it up and I was like, dude, he died in 1955. Yeah, he was lying. You would have to be 80 years. And this guy was like 40. I was like, no, you didn't.

Yeah, he lied. And then he was like, it was a different Charlie Parker. My neighbor. I don't think I ever went back to him after that because he was like really weird. Yeah, that's a crazy thing to lie to a kid about i don't think he was lying but i think it was like dude obviously when you say charlie parker i'm thinking of one charlie parker not like your friend charlie why would you say your last his last name that's like being like yeah i learned how to throw a football from tom

brady it was very weird and i know i wasn't making it up because my mom would come in to pick me up and like he would tell me and my mom these stories about like hanging out with charlie parker in like canada and all this shit and we were like that's crazy and we went home we told my dad and my dad was like that's not true my dad was like i didn't me and my mom didn't know how old charlie parker was but instantly my dad was like yeah that didn't happen right um do you remember the mnemonic for the notes on the scale i don't even know what that means was the mnemonic you know uh did you ever have a way of remembering a certain like homes like uh huron ontario michigan erie superior no i don't i don't know what i still don't know what you're asking me so okay the are you asking

me if i can read music the treble clef right yeah consider the right hand typically in the piano the space notes i think was gb dfa okay and good boys don't fuck ass okay Good boys don't fuck ass Okay Good boys don't fuck ass Yeah And then the lined notes were E G

B D A Every good boy does ass Is that right? Am I getting that wrong? Good boys don't fuck ass Every good boy does ass

It's something like that Yeah That's how I learned it no excuse me on the right hand the the space notes are face it's face f-a-c-e yeah yeah that's it and then every good boy does fine was was the right hand and then the left it was all good boys yeah i never learned i just learned how to read music so you didn't have any sort of way of remembering now that that's why i did the flash cards me i could kind of just play sort of made sense oh man you could hear the music yeah that's too bad i thought maybe you had a fun thing no i just knew how to play

you kind of had an asian upbringing very you were like a tiger mom yeah exactly they were just trying to find anything that i was good at and it was none of it was landing have they acknowledged that you're good at comedy are they aware of your ability no i think they're just like when are you going to stop wasting your life and get back to piano, Harry? Well, my dad saw me in Boston and he enjoyed it. But I don't think they think I'm like... What about your social media prowess when you were blowing up on Twitter? Did your parents have any knowledge of that?

Yeah, well, they knew when I got posted on BuzzFeed. And that was a big deal in the house. Really? Yeah. Did you show them or they saw it? I showed them. What did you get on there? Well, a tweet of mine was on BuzzFeed.

Do you remember what it was? Yeah, it was a hot dog meme. That you made? Yeah. You were making memes? Yeah. Oh, cool. It was a meme of that, what was it on Snapchat?

The hot dog? And I like put him in on an old Vine thing. I don't know what it was. It was stupid. But it got like 100,000 likes and they put it on BuzzFeed. Wow. And it was like, this hot dog meme is slamming the earth right now or some dumb shit. 20 hot dog memes to wake to start your monday morning off

your studies are paying off you have been working very hard and mine was featured in it how about you being in rolling or on the rolling stone yeah that shit now you're now you're like an actual meme yourself you're not even like yeah now which is so weird that that don't i is so weird. That doesn't even really matter. Well, because then you get to a point where you're like, oh, being on BuzzFeed didn't do anything for me. Whatever. I mean, it validated.

It was a point of validation with your parents. I think that's a major thing. No, I don't think my parents actually gave a fuck. You showed it to them? Yeah, they were like, that's cool. Sounds like they gave a fuck that's cool yeah they're like that's cool sounds like they gave a fuck what about your follower count were you updating them on that mom dad i have 150 000 followers on twitter i have 500 000 well harvard costs 400 000 no i don't think they i think yeah i guess i don't think they really

cared until i got hired at barstool oh but I don't think they really cared until I got hired at Barstool oh but I don't think I really cared until I got hired at Barstool like I never thought it was gonna be like a career hmm okay

yeah I definitely like the idea of you having Asian parents oh yeah it makes it way funnier no they're not Asian I know no it would be cool if they were though that would be love if they were yeah i just re-watched

parasite the other night and honestly it gave me a spook i watched it right before bed it gave me a fright i wasn't scared the first like eight times i watched it but that's such a good how did you watch that movie before bed the guy that lives under the house is spooky. Yes. He's spooky. But I don't understand. How is that a movie that you like? Like, I would fall asleep. If I was going to watch that movie before bed, I'd fall asleep instantly. Why?

Because you got to read that whole movie. That's what keeps it engaging. And I also kind of know what's coming and happening. Yeah, I guess it's true. I know it's good. Yeah, yeah. I know that it's exciting, but I don't know it so well. But it was the scariest that I ever watched it.

I watched this documentary called What Jennifer Did, I think. Oh, I think I might have seen that. What is it? What's it about? I'll just give it away. Fuck it. Spoiler alert. I'm not watching it.

I don't think it's really that worth watching. It wasn't dynamite. What did she do? Yeah, she's this perfectly on brand for this episode. This sort of very studious Asian girl. Her parents are direct immigrants from Vietnam. They moved to Canada and do pretty well. And she's a prodigy at the piano and wants to date this bad boy who is a drug dealer. And her parents don't approve,

and her dad says, you can date him when I die. She kills him? And then she sets up the murder of her parents. Yeah, I did see that. She, like, stages a robbery. Yeah, and, like, blames it on three random black guys with dreadlocks. Yeah. You know what's weird is, actually,

I watched that before it was on Netflix. it was kb used to watch that youtube channel where they would show like interrogations oh and they like analyze it and show when they're like breaking down how you know they're lying yeah it was like an hour long thing and i watched that well the most interesting thing about this to me was that apparently in canada and i don't know if this is not true in america but at least in canada they made the point that detectives and police officers in interrogations do not have to tell the truth that they can just make shit up they'll be like yeah in the other room they just told us you did it so you might as well tell us yeah yeah he can make stuff up and he made up this thing to her where he said we have satellite imaging that shows an x-ray picture

of what was going on in your house during this break-in that you allege happened where you said you were tied up and we can see that you were moving about freely and so i know you're lying to me and then she caves um i guess there's one stipulation that I guess it's like you can't, I don't know, it had something to do with the country. But I thought that was, how could a kid ever, if a police officer is telling you, interrogating you, they're like, yeah, your own mother just told us that you killed that person. Fuck. How could you not? yeah i thought i was gonna get away with it mom how'd you ever not come clean on that you know that is crazy i guess i mean i'm not i don't know if i'm against that right but you can't i mean it can lead to false confessions yeah i guess if you're dumb facts like if they were like your mom said you killed them and you didn't kill them you'd be like well i didn't but if you're like if they're

like your mom said you killed them and you did you'd be like fuck yeah i did yeah i think we always um think about ourselves right now getting interrogated we put ourselves in that position but if i was a kid and some police i'm at the police office yeah and some guy is like the police office i'm confessing to anything i'm i would i'm brendan dassey would look like fucking elon musk compared to me yeah some of the kids it's crazy how well put together they are how like unflappable like how they keep a lie going once they've killed somebody and they're a kid really i always thought the kid the kids usually fold pretty easily there are some where they like break down this girl might have gotten away with this she was crazy didn't wake up from the coma he was in yeah being shot in the face and be like oh she's been saying she was tied up that's funny

because she was walking around with these guys who shot me yeah that's she i don't even think she handled it poor like she handled it better you mean handled it like she called the cops she lied well yeah she lied well i mean she did lie well yeah and then she went into the interrogation and like kept up her whole story because they were they had an issue with the fact that she said she was bound to the railing and how did she access her phone if her hands were tied to call them and then how was she so clear on the phone if her phone was down here and she was yelling at yeah and she had an answer for everything so you can tell that she would have been quite good at the piano yeah if you're she was on her way to a scholarship she was on her way to greatness although as i say that she had apparently not done well in college

no she was because she was spending all her time on murder well no she was spending all time with her drug dealer obsessed with him and he was dating another girl yeah obviously what if she goes she goes do you love me and he goes i don't know how to say this i feel the way that i feel the way that you feel about me i feel about her which i thought was oh and also ballsy to say to a known killer well she didn't kill anybody her boyfriend killed them yeah but they were broken up she was obsessed with him and then she hired him to come kill her parents so imagine what he would have done for the other girl oh my god he'd do it on the arm yeah he got your money babe but he would have fucked the parents he would he got buddies to come do it and one of the buddies names was homeboy his His Christian name. And the girl was like, call it off.

And he was like, I'm not doing that. Homeboy's all set up. He's coming tonight. Homeboy's doing this for the love. Yeah. Homeboy's not even getting paid. Homeboy's en route right now. I told Homeboy he could kill.

They all got life in prison without no parole for 25 years. It's a long time to not play the piano. Yeah, but in Canada, in Canadian prison, they probably have... Her skills are going to atrophy. I can tell you that much. They probably have tiered organs in canada in canadian prison they probably have atrophy i can tell you that much they probably have tiered organs in every cell in canada's prison they probably have a baby grand in the prison main foyer you're not wrong you're not wrong they have foyers in their prison in canada they have an atrium in the prison in canada dude how funny

is it in in canada they're so proud of their French heritage that even on a stop sign, they will write stop and then arrête beneath it. And in France, the stop signs only say stop. That's so crazy. The French take their French less seriously than Canada takes its bilingual heritage. That being said though i i

went over a bridge uh on the way here from la guardia and there was a there were like billboards that are entirely in spanish like for a radio show where in new york city we're gonna have to put a stop to that we're gonna have to tear those tear those down. We'll vandalize those. Yeah, that's just... We're going to have to at least draw a mustache on the female co-host's face or something like that. Yeah. We cannot just let that stand. I don't mind the French. I mean, the French paraphernalia is fine.

They're not stealing our jobs. Right. If the French start coming over the Canadian border, then maybe we have something to worry about. Yeah. Oh, you're going to take my job with your 35-hour workweek demand demand is that what the french do they only work 35 hours it might not even be that anymore they keep getting it less and less you should go over there yeah that'd

be awesome you could be totally paralyzed you'd be the king of the french get two weeks before anyone found out plus it'd be covered your chair and all that treatment would be covered by the country. And you start shipping your school teacher, become president. Your school teacher who's also a man secretly. Have you heard this about Macron's wife? No. People think she's a man. She's quite older than he, correct?

Yes. Or am I mixing that up with the previous president? No, no. That's him. She was his school teacher. Yes, that's right. was his school teacher and that's right and allegedly she started banging him when he was like 14 and made to hide it until they were like he was 15 or 16 or whatever they're what happened you guys ever have a teacher who like married a student like a year after they graduated no i don't think i don't think i had that happen really yeah so you had that going on and i just had a whole bunch of paralyzed people.

We had a guy, we had a teacher who married a girl who graduated, like she, I think she had just graduated. Was he the gym teacher? Three or four years ago, he was a gym teacher, yeah. But not the one that was raping the kids. That was a different one. This guy was consensually having sex with underage kids. You know what's funny?

Not raping them. Yeah That was a different one. This guy was consensually having sex with your age kids, not raping them. Yeah. You know, what's funny is we had three gym teachers. One of them was a pedophile rapist. I don't think we've made it one full episode without getting to pedophilia. No, and this is actually pretty funny.

I don't think we've ever gone a full episode since I joined the pod without at least saying fucks kids one time. But this is, this is, I'm just realizing this for the first time that we had we had one gym teacher who was fucking kids we had one gym teacher who married a kid like two or maybe four years after they graduated and then we had one gym teacher who was old and he would make like dumb blonde jokes and he was the one that would be getting in tons of trouble constantly

for the dumb for the dumb blonde jokes he'd be like they're telling me i can't make the dumb blonde jokes anymore and he was the one that all the parents were like that guy's fucked up he's making these nasty jokes meanwhile the other two are straight up fucking the students but no one cares isn't that crazy oh because only one kid is being threatened when they're fucking the students. Yeah. And if you're making dumb blonde jokes, I mean, there's probably 25% of the class is blonde. Yeah. He would get in so much trouble. He would always come in and be like, well, they're not happy with me again.

He should have just been fucking the kids. Yeah, I know. Could have saved himself a lot of trouble if he had just fucked the kids. Yeah. of trouble if you just fuck the kids yeah really you just have to become like a white christian rapper if you're a gym teacher that's the only salvation honestly like token token came up on my instagram yesterday and he was getting destroyed because he's like uh all his raps are about his dad his dad yeah he was getting ripped he has the he has the one rap he's posted like 20 times where he's like,

Dad, I was fucking a girl at your funeral. Yeah, he's like, I brought a girl to your funeral. She was wearing a tight dress. I wanted to fuck her in the bathroom, but mom was there. And all the comments are like, this shit hits on mute. I can't believe that he's saying that in a rap song yeah is that because that's not like a trauma no that you like have to get out or something like that that's like uh you're talking about like a fleeting fantasy that you had yeah it's also just

so uh i guess he's trying to disrespect it i think he's like his point is like daddy you weren't there for me type of thing. Yeah, but you never hear Drizzy rapping about that shit ever. Everyone should be taking notes from Drake right now. Drake's on a kill streak. Yeah. Literally. Melee.

It's a melee. I've listened to push-ups like 700 times. Same. How about the Japan line at the beginning being about Future's Assistant? Yeah. Oh, see, this is why I can not keep up with it. Well, I missed that at first, and then there was just a picture of his assistant called Tokyo or something like that.

Yeah, you got to watch these like 45-minute videos. I'm big in Japan. Yeah. And he's saying, I had sex with your assistant? Yeah. I'm in Tokyo because I'm big in Japan. Even the rhythm of that. It doesn't, it feels disjointed.

But it's, he must have been saying something. It was my point because the rhythm's so disjointed. To draw attention to it? No, I think that it's just, he was forcing it in there, so it has to mean something. It does, yeah. I heard a bunch of, I read a bunch of shit that it meant, that about the future. Well, we gotta go to, you know where we gotta go is Genius, right? Genius.com yeah but genius is is it's broken down by fans that's fine so a lot

of it is not accurate like you'll go click on like uh any song and they'll break it down and they'll just be like well that i mean you just broke down the lyric but isn't there enough of a crowd fan base that much like wikipedia it almost self regulates to the actual truth yeah there's some good what are they what are the what do they call it annotation yeah annotation there's some good ones but a lot of them are pretty dog so where are you finding all this out youtube you got to find like a nerdy white dude who has a six hour video on drake's new song. All right. And he'll break down every word of the entire song.

And it's hilarious that we started off the episode by being like, these girls are reacting too much to Taylor Swift. Oh, yeah. Watching a six hour video being like, Drizzy said what? And then he made that AI song, which I don't know how I felt about. Loved it. It was good. His verse was great. Taylor made. We were on the plane back from Rough and Rowdy, and Dave was like, explain this to me.

I was like, you could just make AI songs. And she's like, so I can make an AI song using Kanye's voice? And I was like, yeah. He's like, I'm going to make an AI song with Kanye's voice where Kanye disses Kanye. Ooh. See? That's why they pay him the big bucks. That's why he's got – he's a big man.

That's why he's worth $500 million. You don't come up with ideas. The average person doesn't have ideas like that. We could never think of some shit like that. No, no. Kanye dissing Kanye. In Dave's vernacular or something like that. in dave's like vernacular or something like that i'd love to hear a dave written kanye west song about kanye west

you came with a blue bandana what you're doing is actually bananas oh this is what i read about today there was a a comedian in Australia, but he's an American comic, Arj Barker. Okay. I'm familiar. His parents fucked him with that name. Arj Barker. Arj Barker? What type of cartoon-ass name is that?

It sounds like a Simpsons character. Family circus-ass name. Arj Barker? It's got to be short for Arjun even worse yeah arjun's not better but it also in the comedy world barker is somebody who stands on the street corner and says free comedy show you get three minutes of time if you can get 10 people in you stand out there for hours so it's like saying you know sam openmiker. That sounds like a slur. Yeah.

But he kicked a woman out of his theater show. Okay. Because she was breastfeeding in the audience. I actually just saw this. Yeah. And he was getting too horny on stage. He had a funny joke too. Yeah.

He goes, I actually speak baby and your baby's saying, let's go outside. Because the baby was making noise. Yeah. I've never been more on a comedian's side of my life. Oh, yeah. 100%. Yeah. And then the woman made a huge-

Are people disagreeing with him? Well, it just blew up as a viral story. Why does he give a fuck? If there's a baby? If there's a baby being breastfed the baby's making noise what kind of are they are a suckling noise well probably that so it sounds like there's a brook running down the middle of aisle seven which is nice why would you bring your newborn baby to a comedy show it's a 15 plus comedy show as well on the ticket so he was pissed at the venue and that in 15 months he's pissed at the venue

staff for letting a baby yeah every comedy club has a two drink minimum so it's a bar you can't bring two milks for my baby yeah you can't bring babies i once was with a friend who had just had a baby we were all out and i had a 5 p.m show at the comic strip and my friends were all like let's go let's go and they were like can we bring our baby and i was like i don't know maybe don't and we went and we got up there and they were like are you out of your fucking mind yeah we're a bar yeah no is he so did he get a did he do like a crowd work thing and put it on tiktok is he milking it for clips i don't know i didn't see that's no but the woman the woman went on like news stations and like it's divided the country oh new mothers have it hard enough in

great you know integrating back into society and this is her one night out of the week and she and she's gone to see a comedy show and you're gonna kick her out of the show and then the other people were like 700 other people paid for tickets here why are you bringing your baby and disrupting us also women why are you also why are you breastfeeding your baby in the middle of the show well i'm not going to tell women where they cannot and cannot breastfeed i'm not going to i will and it shouldn't be in the middle of a show my issue is not with the breastfeeding it's with the fact that there's a baby there my issues with the breastfeeding really yeah i've gotten into it lately dude imagine being at a comedy show and looking over and some lady just is feeding her child with her breasts once you look enough times it doesn't weird you out anymore

imagine if dads had to feed their baby through their dick yeah like you're you're whipping out your private part yeah i'd step up that would be so he's such a good father he's such a brave father i would that would be so hard to pay attention to the show if there's just some lady breastfeeding next to you then you go oh great i just missed the u-haul bit great and he already did u-haul god this sounds like wait so why is he moving into the apartment he's what how the couch fits where oh i had a great is he doing schumer up there i had a great i actually know because i had a great uh actually maybe i won't say this because then it'll be i know no one will give a fuck but i i was doing so i was in new brunswick on saturday

and i had two shows and at the late show i was uh great show shows were awesome incredible and like halfway through the late show there was a dude who was like do the uh do the joke you stole from amy schumer and i like laughed and then it kind of just went silent and then i was like yeah you can't do i was like you can't be making deeply referenced podcast jokes in a room where none of these people even know who i am i was like they paid to just go see a random comedy show they're not here and now like and now they all think that i'm stealing jokes from you schumer if you say that that's funny and my work here is done if you go my friend put it out there that no i explained the whole thing do this and did people laugh yeah they loved it but i was like yeah but it was funny because i was like like like he said it and in

my head i was like i'll just move on and then i was like no they all are now they're all like what the fuck happened yeah he has walked an elephant into the room yeah yeah yeah and then someone else tried to say something and then some other someone goes shut the fuck up nice and then it got real tense and then i'd fuck you know you know i worked them i got them back sound like great shows they were it actually was on the verge of violence i know it was hilarious i was sometimes more awkward when the when the person screamed shut the fuck up yeah that guy came up to me after and of course it's this like five six dude wow and he's like very

small and quiet everybody's like he's like i'm sorry i was the one that yelled shut the fuck up and he was like i just really hate when people yell out at comedy shows and i was like all good dude yeah it sounds like you need a good laugh more than anyone yeah i was like fine by me that's not who i pictured to be the person that yelled yeah it was like deep in the gut like the whole room like shook when he yelled and then he comes up and it's like a kid so basically you're saying that people from now on should yell out do the amy schumer bit because it makes your show better no if anyone yells that again i'll just ignore it it's a one-time thing you're gonna have to explain it otherwise people will think you're a thief

it is so i've told this story before but like like people do love referencing podcast things and not realizing that like i'm not on the level where it's like the rooms are filled with people who are just there for me yeah half the room is there they got free tickets through the website yeah like it's not so like well i was at the stand one night they knocked over a triangle of milk bottles at the country fair yeah come see we've got a winner come see strongest man at the fair little sasquatch at the stress factory this weekend no literally half the people that are at my shows won the ticket somehow. There was a raffle somewhere and they won it.

But I had a guy... They had their hand on Toyota at the mall for the long time. They came in second place and they won. No, but it was... There was like two years ago at the stand there was some dude in the front row and he just goes, KB is going to have that.

And I was like, yeah, dude, that's, that's for only me and you understand what you just said. And now everyone else is confused. I mean, I was in Detroit and someone yelled out, you killed Castellani. Oh no. And I was like. Was it Castellani? What is that?

I mean, I was like. Was it Castellani? What is that? I mean, I was like. I can't even begin to get in. No, because that's the thing is a lot of that shit. It's like, dude, this is going to take 10 minutes to explain. And it's not even going to be funny when I explain it. Yeah. No, exactly. But they don't know that.

That's they know you through that. Yeah. Yeah. And that's something that they followed. Yeah. and we appreciate them the trials of the 250 you know what i mean oh exactly dude don't even get me started bingo definitely was feeling like i earned my spot after new brunswick definitely felt like just a staple in the 250 rose up the power rankings of the 250 dude local crowds are so fun yeah like they're just there for a comedy show

they don't care about anything else yeah whereas new york crowds no like but like when you do a show like that's what happens when you do a show and it sells out a lot of the people there are like when's he gonna talk about roan well how come he's not talking about playing warzone with pat bev like that's what they're expecting. Like when we did Albany, I got a DM after and some dude was like, show sucked. You guys didn't talk about barstool at all. And it was like,

yeah, dude, cause we're not, that's not what we're doing. It also will be so that would like narrow the view of it. Exactly. Yeah. Well,

I'll be shooting my special. Yes. June 1st in Chicago. i'm in the building the ticket link broke in the first 24 hours we shut it down we broke that shit and i got so many messages from people being like what happened is it sold out already and it really pissed me off because i thought i'd made a pretty funny video with those golf balls. I don't know if you saw that. Pretty goofy. And I will warn you that before it broke, we sold a lot of tickets. So there are not many left.

Two shows, right? Two shows. One night only. What's the venue? Subterranean. Okay. It only holds 200 people. SAS is going to come do some time.

So come get your tickets there uh the ticket link is in my instagram bio it's punch up live francis ellis you'll find it also pop punk plays the night before in chicago that's right no way really ronan and i are settling up together at the four seasons we're gonna go to the you should come to the four seasons i'll be at the share no you need to come to the four seasons i'm I'm not going to spend money on that. That's one thing that I still haven't gotten around to spending a lot of money on. Bro, treat thyself. Dude, it's just a bed in a room. No.

You're not at the Four Seasons. Not when you use your Amex Platinum card and you get the $70 breakfast credit and the $100 resort fee. Bro, I've never once woken up on time to get breakfast at a hotel. Well, you will this time because you have a 4 p.m. guaranteed checkout. Thanks to fine hotels and resorts per the Amex Plat 4 p.m checkout you can stay that long that's pretty awesome they i'm still not gonna do it they ask you they say are you gonna use it all and i say i'm gonna use every fucking minute and you leave your room at 3 59 p.m and there's a maid who is bored she has been waiting all day to get into your room to clean it. It's the last one.

How much are you paying for my spot? That's a good question. I'll pay you. You'll pay travel and all that? No. I'll throw you something. No, you don't have to pay. Why don't you just get him a room at the Four Seasons and pay him with that? That's significantly more money.

That's more money than he would pay for the show. Four the special expensive it's just special you greedy bastard i'm not the greedy one i'm saying don't pay for my travel i said he didn't have to pay me for the show i'm gonna pay you for the show no i don't need to get paid no don't don't you asked no i'm going for i was joking when i am these are needy i was 40 of all jokes are truth especially when it comes to money I'm going for the love of the game. I said I don't even have to do the show. I just want to go and I want to be there.

No, we want you there. I want to see it. He'll be there. The team's going to be there. Big fun night event. I'm getting there Wednesday. We're going to go scope out the venue, see if they're treating you right. Same.

I'm pumped. I'm going to go in a disguise on Wednesday. We got to go to the Pop Punk show on Friday. Yeah. So you should come in early. And that means you should get a record of four seasons. You want to sing a song, Seth? Not at all. the Pop Punk show on Friday. Yeah. So you should come in early and that means you should get You want to sing a song, Seth?

Not at all. What was it? Rocket Man? No. Not even a little bit. Get out there and play Fur Elise. Yeah, maybe I'll play piano. How about some Claude Debussy?

I'll do a recital. I'll play Still Dre. Burgumess. Crip walkout. I'll also be in Baltimore this weekend at the Port Thursday, Friday, Saturday. There are tickets available for that, so come to that.

Sweet. I got Sacramento coming up in a couple weeks. That's going to be ill. We'll come support you for that. We'll be in the building for Sacramento. Filming my special in Sacramento. I don't like to make a big deal about it. Light the beam.

Me and Francis actually decided we're going to put our specials out the same day. Yeah, joint special. You're going to popcorn the special. Like Kanye and 50 Cent. Remember that? Yeah. We're going to conjoin ours, so it's bit for bit. So it's like, show us one of Francis, show us one of mine.

Siamese special. All right. Cool. Sweet. Thank you guys for listening. so it's like show us one of France's show us one of mine Siamese special alright cool sweet thank you guys for listening we'll see you on Thursday goodbye oh yes I mean that's

as good as I can buy yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah