Son of a Boy Dad - Saltwater Funny | Son of a Boy Dad #214
Episode Date: July 9, 2024Saltwater Funny | Son of a Boy Dad #214 -- HUGE episode: Sas recaps Wyoming, Rone recaps Japan, & Francis recaps the Hamptons -- Ad: Get 25% off your subscription or try the app FREE at https://Fitbod....me/BOYDAD -- Ad: Download the Gametime app or go to https://gametime.co, enter your email, and redeem code BOYDAD for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply). Thanks to Keeps for sponsoring this podcast! Hair loss stops with Keeps. For a special offer to get started, go to https://www.keeps.com/soabd. Results may vary. Not offered in every state. Medications prescribed only if clinically appropriate, consultation required.” -- Follow us on our socials: https://linktr.ee/sonofaboydad -- Merch: https://store.barstoolsports.com/collections/son-of-a-boy-dad -- SUBSCRIBE TO THE YOUTUBE #SonOfABoyDad #BarstoolSportsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad
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Hey, son of a boy, dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music.
I think if Leo and Toby McGuire are at a party, it is not horrible. Yeah, that is automatically like.
Maybe save this save. Can you save this part for the show well
don't all right but I want to hear about Toby McGuire yeah all right already
welcome back to the son of a boy dad podcast today it is June 8th we are live
from HQ 3 and we are back in the studio I'm happy to see you boys.
I fucking miss you boys with my whole heart.
I can't believe it how far apart we've all been.
It's been two weeks.
It feels like two weeks.
Actually, it feels just like two weeks.
It feels like two weeks on the dot.
Yeah, except that we were scattered to the far corners of the globe
doing such different things with our lives.
That's true.
And I felt unmoored.
Mm. What's more?
Wasn't King Lear was a moor? No.
No, I mean unmoored as in untethered, untied.
Wasn't more a Shakespearean word for a black man?
It was. Yes, the moors. Yeah.
So you feel unmoored. You feel white.
Othello was the moor.
Othello.
Yeah.
I knew it. Thank you for saving me because they would have been on my head
Yes, they would have they had what they would have been a foe is a boy that doesn't get that much love
But I actually quite like it. It's good
Yes, the game a fellow the game is great, too
But I think they change they changed the name of that
Because I think it had some reference to the pieces being black and white
Ah good guys bad guys. That's what it used to be called. You guys hear that the
Cops and robbers
You guys hear that the phrase
Elephant in the room has racist origins. How so? I can't even say it.
It was originally called N-Word in the Woodpile.
Oh no.
So every time you've been saying Elephant in the Room,
which I know we love to say,
we've been classically racist.
I actually listened to Elephant in the Room,
the specials last night. Yo!
Whose special was that?
Patrice O'Neil. That's Patrice. That's a classic. Yeah. We listened to it on the drive back from the special. Yo! Last night. Whose special was that? Patrice O'Neil.
That's Patrice, that's a classic.
Yeah, we listened to it on the drive back from Wyoming.
So he's allowed to say it. He's allowed to say Elephant.
I believe so.
This elephant.
Monkey Bars is a pretty controversial one as well.
Or at least they tried to make it out to be, which I don't really understand.
What is it?
I guess it was racist.
I mean-
When I was in Swarow, I guess I was out of elementary school.
Well, I prefer Monkey Bars. I prefer like sort of black owned establishments and night clubs, but-
They tried to call- they tried to change it to a horizontal ladder.
Oh, you're talking- oh, the structure. Ah.
The uh- the- the uh- a monkey actually swings from things though.
Yeah, exactly. That's why I didn't understand why-
It's actually racist to call it racist.
That's exactly what I thought when they said that.
I was like, you're making it seem racist
by changing the name.
That's the anatomical behavior of a monkey.
You're doing exactly what a monkey would do
or a black person.
Yeah.
Do they?
I don't.
Well, actually in New York,
I mean, the most jack dudes are the guys who go and do like pull ups
Oh, yeah, like reverse pull ups and shit like that and then there'll be white influencers who try to go like work out with them
I used to watch those videos all the time of like the military dudes doing that where they do like a flag pull
That's got to be like the most impressive. It's crazy. Strength. The lats. Strength. Is that where yeah, where does that engage?
I think it's all in your lats and your core. Is that where, yeah, where does that engage? Your core. I think it's all your lats and your core.
Really? Arms, shoulders, core.
You have to have insane core strength to be able to hold yourself up like a flag.
How long do you think that would take you to get to flag status? Francis?
I think some people just can't do that.
I wouldn't be, I think I'm too long. You got to be really stout.
You would have to be absurdly strong to be able to pull that off at your size.
What if I train for it?
How long will you give me?
Two years?
No, that's too long.
I think you can do it in six months.
I think I can do it in six months.
I don't think you can.
I think you would go to, like, I think it's one of those things, like, you would have
to go to try to do it and then you'd be like, oh, I can't even get one foot off the ground.
And then you'd have to start working out intensely
for years, and then you'd be able to try it again,
and maybe you'd be a little closer.
I think I'm closer than you'd think.
He's got the core and the genetics for it.
I don't think so.
Was your dad an athlete?
Yep.
What did he play?
Football.
Nice.
Football's coming up.
What was his name, Wingback?
They did the...
Wing T? Yes. They just snapped the ball right to back? He was a they they they did the wingt. Yes
They just snapped the ball right to him and he ran. Yeah. Yeah, it was it was uh, what was the single?
What's the name of that formation?
Power eye wingt. It's not the wingt like the jet sweep like when they snap it right to a running back
He was a fullback. Oh, oh wildcat. I guess it's wildcat, but he wasn't quarterback
He was a fullback. Oh, Wildcat.
I guess it's Wildcat, but he wasn't quarterback.
Yeah, I don't know, but I could see it makes a lot of sense.
And he was probably the man, because that's probably
before football had everybody in it.
Yeah, that's right.
They didn't wear helmets back then.
Really?
No, they were just out there cracking skulls.
No, he was wearing a helmet.
skulls no he was wearing a helmet well I was the whole time I was thinking I was like I don't think your dad how old is your dad nobody knows nobody knows
leather helmets what was the point of leather helmets anyway in case you fell
off your motorcycle on the way to the game? If you needed to go home on your motorcycle and your sidecar
Or you were flying a biplane
Yeah, Amelia Earhart
Offer supplies the fucking wide out. The craziest one to me is like in comparison is old hockey
Cuz it's all like like all these Wayne Gretzky stats and you're like
Well, then you look at the get you look at the footage of when he was playing and it's like yeah
No, no wonder he had so many goals the goalie had no pads
Like in today's hockey the goalies take up almost the entire goal. It's a wonder anyone scores
Yeah, and then it was just like a dude just standing there like going full starfish
Hoping the hoping the puck bounces off of his wrist.
His legs skinnier than mine.
If you watch Wayne Gretzky goal highlights from the early days in his career, you're kind of like, nobody even tried to stop him.
Oh no.
They're like long haired, toothless drunk guys.
Everyone was hammered.
It was like everyone was drunk and he was not even at the age where he could drink yet.
So that's why he was so much better than everyone else.
But the flip side is that people would hit him incredibly illegally.
Oh yeah, that's not surprising.
But then there'd be like whole lines, like most, there's some teams that just could fight.
Like there's some teams, they weren't even good hockey players.
They just were good at fighting on skates.
Have you guys watched that documentary on the, you've seen it the untold one where the thing is in Connecticut
Yeah, the Danbury trash. Yeah, have you seen that? I don't think so. It's probably one of the best their whole their whole thing
Was just we're just gonna beat the shit out of people like they would they would fight people like opening puck drop
Really like just as soon as they drop the puck
They would just like kill some guy to send him to the hospital and then they but then they were also good
I think the Brochery bullies flyers teams like went into the crowd and like fought people multiple times. Yeah
Yeah, the Bruins had had a couple where they went into the they went into the stands
That's so crazy that they would do that. Yeah. Tied Domi. Yeah that happened in Philly. It was like a guy
Oh, yeah. What was he like squirting?
He squirted water?
No, Tide Dome squirted the water over
and then he was in the penalty box.
And then the guy started like trying to grab him.
Then that guy like fell in.
Ass crack first.
And it's like, dude, you just fell
into the fucking bear den.
Yeah, that's Harambe level.
There are very few places I would less want to be
than in a penalty box
With my feet in the air and my head under the fucking metal bench with tie Domi
pulling my fucking alpaca sweater over my head beating the shit out of me.
The craziest thing is that there's someone's job is to just sit in there with the dude
I know and I looked at I finally looked it up because I was wondering what that was
Apparently it's just so they keep track of when they're going when they can open the door and let them out that makes sense
but still because you watch the clips and it's like fucking I
Don't know some like someone will get a penalty and then they'll go into the law
They'll go into the penalty box and they'll be like throwing water bottles around and then the camera pans over and there's just a dude
Just standing there with a headset on
Or like there's like an announcer that's in there sometimes to a sideline reporter type of dude with a suit jacket
Yeah, I'm surprised they don't have a sniper in the rafters to like they probably do just like a tranquilizer gun
Yeah, they shoot the person like a lion if a kid falls into the cage
type of shit
type shit
Type shit type shit type shit type shit yeah fuck yeah
misty boys what the fuck have you guys been up to let's start with let's start
with hairball I don't really have much to say I don't buy it we're gonna find
out more we're gonna really that's not up to you brother there wasn't that much
crazy shit that happened it was pretty easy going doesn't have to be crazy shit
tell me about coloring the lines for us you went to Montana to go fishing no Wyoming
exactly now you're teaching us we went to Wyoming and yeah it was the fishing
was insane it was the the first day was pretty rough because we got out there at
like 330 p.m. and then we fished for like four hours, three hours maybe.
And it was, the first place that we went to was in a canyon.
So you gotta like walk down this like insanely steep
canyon and then you gotta walk up it. And on the way up, I was so
unbelievably out of breath, like wheezing
for air. And we got back to
our tent and I was genuinely like I don't know if I'm gonna be able to do
this trip it's like I genuinely I don't know if I'm gonna be able to do this
entire thing well you act like how tired I was for this trip well I was and then I
didn't yeah yeah so much as one stair master no I went through a single
stair yeah that was the thing is I would go to the gym and I would just do weights Yeah. You didn't so much as one stair master. No, I went through. You didn't master a single stair.
Yeah, that was the thing is I would go to the gym
and I would just do weights.
And I'd be like, this'll do it, this'll help.
And then I got out there.
Just practicing a weighted pass.
Yeah.
I was like, well, I'm definitely stronger,
but my cardio is still fucking,
I still get out of breath when I do three sets of eight
on the bench press, so.
I knew it was gonna be trouble when I was-
But you shouldn't.
I was gassed going downhill. going down into the canyon I was completely
winded sweating through my I sweat through my rain jacket one day how is
that possible I don't know that's like a deep that's a defective it was a bad
rain jacket rain jacket was a completely is a complete disaster
shouldn't they prevent water from wicking through yeah I think the only
good rain jackets the ones that like the old sailors wear where it's like just rubber.
Yeah, the yellow ones.
Slickers.
Because I have an Orvis rain jacket and it holds up when it's like drizzling,
but when it rains out there, it rains really hard and it went completely through.
You know who's gonna be happy to hear this? Sorry to cut you off.
Is the good people over at Patagonia because when you went into Patagonia
No, Patagonia is aren't good either. Yeah, but you were walking into Patagonia being like I got fucking or this dude
I'll never feel rain on my skin. Well. I did say that
storm gear ultra light storm gear and
I think the best ones are the north. I think they're north face
I got it. I got a shout out being here big bean guy myself
Oh, they make a great rain jack. I'll check it out
I'm in the market for a new one right now because mine just did not get the job done at all
Well, you're never gonna be a more rain than like two minutes as you walk from your uber to your apartment
I know I kind of feel like I feel like I gotta I gotta keep this up
I feel good. Like I was getting like 20 steps a day for a week straight,
20,000 steps a day for a week straight,
and I felt great.
And we were eating just home-cooked meals every night,
so I feel good, but I know tonight
it's just gonna be Chick-fil-A, fucking Uber Eatsing,
gummy bears.
You always go back from vacation.
Just straight to the slop.
And you're like, I'm gonna fucking,
I'm gonna make a change for the better.
Yeah.
I'm gonna fucking, I'm gonna come back,
I'm gonna fucking lose eight pounds this week,
I'm gonna fucking eat healthy, eat right,
cook for myself, eat some veggies, get back on the grind.
I just had a Lenwich today.
I'm just eating like a fat slop.
Yesterday I had a breakfast, an egg sandwich sandwich and then McDonald's and then Chipotle
But we were driving so there's really nothing else to do you pull over and you cook pull over your catch what you fucking eat
Yeah, we didn't need any you only ate one fish the whole trip why because
The first place we went to we had a shit ton of food
We had like ground beef and stuff and we were like this is gonna go bad if we don't eat it
So we have to eat it
So it's not and also was in the canyons we would have had to carry the fish up
Like a 45 minute hike so that would have been bad by then unless we had them on in a cooler or something
What fish there's no way fish go bad like you can go back pretty fast. No, that's fine
Forty five would have been especially if they're that fresh. Yeah Yeah 45 in the hot Sun. Yeah. Yeah bake them
What do you think is all the rest of the fish you're eating is going through when it like well
You're supposed to keep it on a stringer
You keep what you kill them and you put them on a stringer and you keep them in the water
But like all the fish that you eat isn't going like even if it's factory farm
There's no way that it's just going right from the water to where however they kill it to fucking ice
I think it is and it's actually exactly what it is. Maybe I'm wrong
Dude, I'll get to my my Japan story stories in a little bit
But they were serving fish where the like there's like old Japanese lady being like everything you eat eat the head
Oh, yeah. Yeah, and I just bit the head off right in there. Was it good?
The head? Yeah. No!
The fucking head of a fish!
People always say like the eye. Isn't the eye supposed to be very good?
I mean, I know the cheeks are I was trying to get to the cheeks
I know they're nice, but there I was just yeah eating the whole fish just like a bear
I don't know. It was fucking nasty damn, but that makes me think that I mean they were only like this big though, too
Yeah, I wonder what it was.
Mackerel?
River fish.
Bluegill?
River trout?
I think it might have been.
It might have been.
That just disappoints me that you didn't eat the fish.
We're not out there eating whole fish right from the river.
We ate one brown trout at lunch when we were in the canyon where everybody just made a
little fire and cooked it up.
And that was amazing.
That was great. But I only had like one bite of it, but it was really,
because it was small. That's the thing too, is that there's regulations. So because then,
so the first half of the trip, we could have kept fish the first half of the trip,
but then the second half, you can only keep brook trout, which are kind of hard to catch
in a place that's filled with brown trout and cutthroat trout.
So our last night at that spot, we were like, because we found this one spot,
we were catching brook trout all day and we were like, let's go back here at the end of the week
and let's catch brook trout and have like a big, let's make fish tacos. And didn't get a single
bite that entire time. We literally we caught fish
the entire week, all week, all day and then the one time we were like let's go
catch fish to cook didn't even get a bite the whole time. Damn. Yes that sucked.
You said there are people regulating. Who would have regulated if you had eaten one of the fish?
There's like park rangers and like game wardens like all over that area. Will they
come up and like check your belly?
No, but they like if you get busted, it's like a huge fine and they take all of your gear.
Yeah. And the spirit of the fisherman is one of adhering to,
you know, regulations in order to help preserve the fishery.
Exactly.
What? So that keeps it big enough for someone else to catch
and eat someday?
We know people like catch and release people do because then you can go
back and those fish are still there.
We know that for every fish that we put back that could be a hundred more trout that we
could catch next time.
Exactly.
That is a beautiful spirit and a nice sentiment.
Did you really catch 65 fish?
Yeah, probably.
You and individually?
Yeah.
That's excellent.
If I had to guess, because it was,
okay, so we fished Sunday.
Sunday I caught a brown trout.
I was like, man, my goal for this trip is to,
I want to catch a brown trout.
I've never caught a brown trout before.
My second cast, I caught a brown trout.
And I was like, well, I kind of defeated the goal of the trip
So I caught two trout the first day the second day I probably caught like 13
Holy shit, but we only fished for a couple hours the first day
I see and then the second day was just like the morning was pretty slow
Like when we went to lunch and we stopped for lunch,
I had only caught one fish
and my friends had both caught like three.
And cause I was fishing behind them the whole time
and they were like, you gotta jump in front of us.
And then it just like turned on.
And it was like every single cast you would catch a fish.
It was incredible.
Damn.
And you're like in and you're in a canyon
and you were so far down.
Do you have any pictures of it?
Yeah, I do.
I'll show them to you guys, but.
What is that called when you're really in the zone
like that in fishing?
Flow state.
Is it, yeah, is it in the snap?
I don't know.
I think it's called in the snap.
I think you will just say when the fishing turns on.
When you're really in a snap like that,
and they're on the fly before it hits the water.
Well, that's the best part about fly fishing,
is when you throw a dry fly,
and it hits the water and it instantly hit it.
You're in the snap.
When I'm in a snap, if I have a dry fly that gets wet,
I don't count that for my tally
You would have that's how you would have been a mess out there. I wouldn't have eaten you would have ground beef
I'll tell you that much. Yeah, you're eating ground beef care if that goes bad
We're eating Browns and lakes and all kinds of trout now. We didn't catch any lake trout. We didn't fish in any lakes
well, you sometimes they cross over but
That's an evolutionary thing. Yeah, they get...
All waterways are connected. That's how the troglodyte became...
I actually wonder if they do. They might cross over.
They do.
Of course they do.
You can't step in the same river twice as Pocahontas said.
Exactly.
I think their name is called Pocahontas.
We didn't see any bears, which was good. We saw a lot of moose. A ton of moose.
You see pictures of them? Yeah, I got pictures of moose.
Vicious.
It's pretty creepy, because there's one area we were in.
So the second half of the trip, we went to this area,
and my friend was like, this is moose country.
Like, you gotta be very aware,
you gotta like make a lot of noise
when you're walking through the-
Bow?
Yeah, when you're walking through the bushes and stuff,
because you could just like walk in front of a moose.
And we, like the whole time, I was like,
I would make noise, I would just sing singing the Beatles mmm trying to
get them I think I was singing me a taste I don't remember what I was now
something a little more upbeat but Look at her writing a song that nobody will hear. What does it mean, Father Mackenzie?
Ah, look at all the lonely people.
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo.
That's why you couldn't use Francis.
Shut up, sass.
So the first day that we were out on this river,
the first day we were out on this river
on the second half of the trip,
we were walking back to the car to make lunch
and we saw a dude fishing and then we saw a moose
like five feet away from him just in a bush.
So you could just see the antlers.
Did you tell him?
Yeah, we went up and we were like,
there's a moose like right there.
The rack.
Yeah, and he was like, oh, I didn't know that.
It was pretty crazy.
Could he, so what could have happened, worst case scenario scenario? I think you have charged him. They stamp you. Yeah, they'll they'll just stomp on you
Stop on your cranium. They're not like they don't they won't attack you if like if you make noise, they'll run away
They're scared of humans
But I've seen the videos where like someone will be by moose and the moose will like kind of like yeah
Bucket them and then you do just have to like go onto the ground and like act like you're,
you act play dead or play like you already got trampled?
I don't know.
I think people say that you can play dead
with grizzly bears.
I was pretty worried about grizzlies.
I don't think that's the right idea with grizzlies.
Well, I think that really isn't a right idea.
The only thing you're supposed to,
you can really do is go on your back
and put your hands over your neck,
which gives you like a small percentage of living.
On your back or your stomach?
Or on your stomach.
Yeah, yeah.
Everyone says you shouldn't climb a tree.
I still think I'm climbing a tree.
Yeah.
Well, no.
Bears climb trees.
Have you ever seen a video of bears climbing trees?
Some do.
Some do.
Not all of them.
Black bears, I know, climb trees.
I knew you were going to say that.
Black bears are not scary, though.
You invite a black bear over and you smoke a stogie with one. Yeah black bears are still scary or you probably a menthol
Yeah, I mean menthol and they're very good at climbing trees. They're always doing those workouts on the street
Yes, yeah, it was it was pretty sick so what did you do all day though?
We literally just finished all and what so what do all day though? We literally just fished all day.
So what did you talk about?
We didn't really talk.
It was like, the first place we fished,
you're really not fishing together.
You're fishing in a line, but you're pretty spread out
and you're kind of leapfrogging, going to new holes.
And then the second place we went to,
you can kind of fish together better.
So that was cool.
Who likes it the least?
I don't know.
Definitely not me.
Cause I was like, we were driving home yesterday
and I was like,
we should stop at this river right here
and just get a couple casts in.
You start crying on the way home.
Yeah.
The last day we were, last day,
but cause we were staying in a hotel the last night
and we were like, it was like,
we got up at like eight, drove down to the river, got off the mountain that we were like it was like we got up at like eight drove down
to the river got off the mountain that we were at and we were like we're gonna
fish this river until we can check into the hotel and at that point everyone had
such bad poison ivy we casted we'd casted like three times and we were like
let's get the fuck out I got to go to this hotel how'd you guys get poison ivy
you were barefooting around I barefooted the first day with, I wore Teevas.
And,
Why?
Because I, you're wet waiting,
so you can just get your, you don't wanna,
I didn't bring shoes that I wanted to get wet.
You didn't bring waders?
No, it's too hot to wear waders out there.
Damn.
So, then the second day I was like,
I'm not doing that, because my feet got destroyed
from just like cutting it up on rocks and stuff
So I wore I just wore my hiking boots and wore my Teeva's as my dry shoes
But that's a good switch, but uh, so how'd you get the poison ivy then?
I think I got it from the first. I don't know. I really don't know how I got it
I got it pretty bad your skin is
Paper mache. No, I didn't get it. I wasn't the worst one that got it my friend
I don't care. You always got something wrong with your skin.
Yeah, your skin was the problem.
My poison ivy didn't kick in until like two days ago.
Yeah?
And it's been bad.
But we had to go to urgent care halfway through the trip
because my friend Matt got it all on his face.
He woke, he was like,
he was like, I think I got poison ivy on my face.
And we were like, no, you don't.
You're like, you're just being paranoid.
And then he woke up the next morning
and his jaw was like extended,
like one foot out from his face.
So we had to go to an urgent care in like this,
in a town that probably has a population of like 100 people.
And it took like two hours for him to get prescribed.
It's pretty simple, right? You go and you're like, I have poison ivy on my face
and they're like, here, we're gonna prescribe you steroids
and this ointment.
We're gonna need to see your dicks.
Yeah, yeah.
And dude, then we went to,
we went to go pick up the prescription
and it was literally just called,
it was called a prescription store.
That was the name of the pharmacy.
And they gave him the ointment in a pill bottle. It's a pill bottle that's just filled with cream to the top they must
just have a tub of it in the back and they just like scoop it out and yeah
that's how he got it so we were just passing that around for the rest of the
week so you were using it too yeah they said we could he has it on his face and
you're using like half of his ointment no No, I didn't use a lot of it. He had the steroids
which so he's got wiped out pretty quick. Yeah. So where were you guys staying? Well,
we camped every night until the last night. You guys were all had poison ivy and were
sleeping three across in the tent? Yeah, and the tent was not a good tent. We got a tent
from Walmart. It was $30. Oh my God. It was not a good tent. We got a tent from Walmart. It was $30.
Oh my god.
It was a four-person tent.
It wasn't even a three-person tent.
Just squished in a tent.
And this is a guy, the show hadn't started yet,
but I was sitting close to Sas, and he was so uncomfortable.
He's like, I'm going to need you to move 10 feet away from me.
Well, I'm fine with, like, if we were in a situation where we were camping, I wouldn't be annoyed.
It was that you were sitting next to me and you were grazing my arm.
I was excited to see you.
Yeah!
It's been a long time.
I was excited to see you too, until you did that.
He's tactile.
And then I was like, I'm gonna have to go back out to the woods now.
I'm going through a lot right now.
How do you think he got ivy?
You must have gotten ivy from that.
No, you can't't I looked it up
It's not contagious. It's a nasty. It is it's not
How did you who's up in the middle
We rotated the middle was the best box you're the most room
Yeah, I'm telling you the tent was so bad that you would be if you were on the side
You'd wake up and the tent was just over your face
That sounds like you did a bad job putting it together shouldn't it be done we it was taught it was almost burst
Was it a triangle or was it a five?
Five-sided it was supposed to be a five side. I guess much more like a triangle. Yeah. Yeah, it was not a good tent at all
Why did you just throw it away?
Away on the way home. Why don't you spend like twice as much on like a little bit better of a tent? Because yeah it was just so much money and
no one wanted to spend more money. What are you talking about? 30 bucks? I'm saying everything
was so much money. Oh oh oh. But you always have a wallet that's full of so much cash. Yeah but dude
I do the amount of money that I spent on this trip. It would have been cheaper for me to go to Japan and fly first class. Next time, next time that you guys are doing this,
I will send, given my friendship with, with Bo and Peters, I, it would be my honor to
sponsor a tent for all, for all of you. Me and Francis can pitch in on some like certain
essentials the same way that like big cat sponsors
Stu Finers TV room. Yeah, yeah coach Doug's garage. I'm sure everyone would appreciate that a lot
Yeah, let us cover it and don't let anyone be too proud. I want my boys
Sleeping tight. I wouldn't I would have did a dinner for you guys one night. Yeah, I'll do one trip to urgent care
I'll cover either a dinner and urgent care.
If you don't use the urgent care by the last night I'll get a dinner. Alright. That works.
That's the easiest way. That definitely works. We, camping was fine. The food was all good. There
was one night where it was like in the 20s and that was pretty brutal.
Yeah, that's when you got to sleep full mummy in the sleeping bag.
I've been there.
And that sucked, but it was pretty good.
There was one night where we folded.
We were, it like rained all day and everyone was like gassed and our sleeping spot was
awful.
And we were like, we're going into town and we're getting, we're gonna stay at a motel.
And then we were driving up the dirt road
and we were like, this feels pretty bad.
Then we pulled over at a different camp spot
and just camped there.
Really?
Yeah, cause we were like, it's gonna be better.
You don't wanna tuck your tails?
Yeah, it would be better to stay in the hotel
on the last night.
After you've earned it.
After we've like completed the trip, yeah.
Rather than give up with one night left.
You guys only allowed yourself one night in a hotel though. Yeah, that's pretty good. I'm impressed with that.
Yeah, it was pretty tough. That one night, I think everyone was pretty excited to stay in a hotel.
And then we just, because we were, the first half of the trip we were like completely alone.
Like there was like maybe one other group camping and we like didn't really see,
we saw like two eight year old dudes who were fishing.
And the moose guy, what about the moose guy?
No, that was the second half.
Oh, got it.
Second half of the trip we like had this campsite
that we picked out, we drive to it.
It's like, I guess it was cause 4th of July,
but I mean, dude, it was, everything was so packed.
Like with like all these like morbidly obese people in RVs.
That's you guys.
And they were taking up all of the camp spots so we couldn't find anywhere to go so we ended
up staying at this really shitty area.
And that's when we were going to stay in the hotel and then we moved and we found a better
spot.
Oh, you didn't get to find a comfortable berth in that high-end RV campsite filled with morbidly
obese people?
No, we didn't. And then we-
So you had to slum it to the really shitty area?
Yes, exactly.
Dude, every campsite was full.
Like you'd go and it would just say, full.
I didn't know that was a-
I thought that it was just like,
if you can find somewhere to put your tent, it's not full.
Yeah, I thought I was camping.
The outdoors is full.
That's literally what it was.
Wilderness is full.
Yeah, everything just said, full.
And so when we were driving to go to the hotel, we were shitting on the RV people the whole
week and then when we got, we were driving and we were like, they're gonna beat us.
They won.
And so then we were like, we gotta camp.
We can't give in and go stay in a hotel after we've been shitting on these people for staying
in RVs all week.
Yeah. What did you guys eat the entire time?
We had fajitas pretty much every single night.
Literally every single night we had fajitas.
Really?
Yeah. And then it was the easiest thing to make. You just have some sort of meat and then just peppers and onions and a tortilla.
And what was the meat? did ground beef and then we did sausage one night
There's a lot of red meat. Damn dude. I wish you'd eaten more browns
Yeah, it would have been nice. We had chicken noodle soup
And we had ramen. How many?
Can you keep in a day? It depends on the river the
The first one I think it was you could three per person,
but they had to be below 16 inches.
And then the second one, it was no,
couldn't keep anything besides brook trout.
And I think brook trout, they're just like,
take however many you want.
Oh, wow.
This is going to come off as hating,
and I don't want it to because I love you.
But when I saw the pictures of the little fish that you had in your hands, I was gonna come off as hating and I don't want it to because I love you, but when I saw the pictures of the little fish that you had in your hands.
It was not a little fish.
I was kind of disappointed because I could still see
so much of your hands around the fish.
I thought that it would be like,
I thought you'd be holding it with one hand up like this.
Yeah.
And you were holding it like.
Dude, that first photo.
You were cupping mouthwash.
That first photo of the fish that I caught
on that post on Instagram was easily the biggest fish
I've ever caught.
Like not length, like heaviest.
It was like the most incredible thing I've ever experienced.
It's nothing like the cobia we caught.
Oh, and not including that, obviously.
Not including the saltwater.
Not including the other big fish that you've caught.
But that was like, I saw the fish,
it was rising in this hole. It was like 6 I saw the fish, it was rising in this hole.
It was like 6 p.m. and it was rising
and I was throwing dry flies and it wasn't taking anything
and I switched to a super small dry fly like this big.
Smart, that's what I would have thought.
And I cast it out and it hit it and it was like,
dude it fought for like two minutes straight.
And the whole time I was just like,
this is gonna get off.
And then I landed it and it was like
the greatest feeling imaginable. Well that's that's not yeah that's not a huge
one I'm talking about the first one the cutthroat yeah I think it's a monster
that's pretty big that that the smile on your face looks like my dog when I
throw a peanut butter car yeah it was like the greatest feeling I've ever
experienced but so then we stayed in this hotel the last night and it's like this hotel from like the fucking like
1800s like Teddy Roosevelt stayed there really yeah, and I like sweet apparently uh apparently Joan Rivers
Yeah, she did like a show there
Yeah, yeah, I have a pretty cool
is a fuckin'...
That's not like, that's not that rugged.
Isn't she, she's like a fag hag who fuckin' like does runway modeling?
No, no, Joan Rivers is the old, old woman who died a couple years ago.
Yeah, who would do red carpet interviews.
Yeah, that sounds right.
That's what she's famous for.
Oh, I thought she was famous for her stand-up.
Her stand-up is, she's probably considered one of the best.
One of the best of all time.
Okay.
I guess you know her from the red carpet though.
Yeah, I guess.
Speaks volumes.
But I think he's right too.
I think she ran in the drag circle and like.
I didn't know that.
Yeah.
I don't know anything about her.
I really don't know much about her to be honest.
But she's one of the greatest of all time though.
Tell me about her. Well, I know if you work up best comedians of all time, she comes up with like George
Carlin and-
I didn't realize you get your comedy knowledge from Wikipedia.
That's where I get most of it.
Yeah.
All of it.
That's sweet.
I like to go to the fucking clubs.
It was actually pretty funny when we were driving back from Wyoming, they were like,
we listened to a podcast and they were like, let's listen to some stand-up and we listened to a Joe List album and then they were
like I put on something else and then I was like I realized I only really
listened to like three comedians yeah I was like yeah let me find one let me
find another good album and I was like now I really just listened to Louis Joe
List and Shane the only comedians that I listened to. Damn, bro, you need to open up your mind.
So let me listen to Patrice O'Neil.
Elephant in the Room.
Elephant in the Room. Nice.
That's a classic.
Natalie Holloway.
That's Angel.
I like it when he goes,
would you mind if I sniff your chair?
That's a horny ass special.
He's horny as hell the whole time.
He says sexual harassment day is the Tuesday before Thanksgiving.
And you go in, he's talking about bringing in the flowers.
He's like, I was thinking you could go suck my dick in the storage closet.
And she's like, no. And he's like, yeah, I messed up.
I was getting a vibe that you were like whore this whole year I've been waiting for this day it seems
like watching that special that he he shot that all in one take it feels like
yeah does it does crowd work that is not even crowd work I mean it's so good
yeah it's like so interwoven too.
And like he comes back to things
and he's like talking to everybody.
They do a good job of like having cameras
on the people that he's talking to too,
which is like, I guess they knew he's gonna do crowd work.
It's kind of surprising for that,
for how long ago that was though.
I know.
I love the thing he does about the animal rescue thing,
where he's like a puppy with a pencil in its head.
Hi, I'm White Lady.
Stuck in a jar.
Yeah, it's a good special.
Fucking goat.
So they rely on you for entertainment.
They're like, we gotta get our boys Sass
for fucking, or Harry,
because they don't call you little Sass.
Give me a favor and never touch that again.
Did that hurt you?
Yeah.
Now it's just screaming.
Really?
All it takes is just one second to activate it.
Damn, that's nasty work.
But yeah, it was a good trip.
It was very fun.
The fishing was the best fishing I've ever done.
Yeah, the smile on your face actually
brings a tear to my heart.
It was fucking beautiful how much joy you got.
What made it so expensive?
It doesn't sound like it was particularly lavish.
Was it the fishing permits?
Was it the travel?
It was just like the travel,
the, like all the gear that we needed.
Like I needed to get like a backpack, which was expensive.
The sleeping bag was expensive.
The sleeping pad was expensive.
That does sound more expensive than Japan.
You wouldn't believe it
No, I don't know you would go to a fly. You go to a fly shop. You just get fleeced
Yeah, you go and you're like, I'm just gonna I just need to get one fly. That's all I need two dollars
It's all I need then you leave and you just dropped six hundred dollars out of nowhere
I think I got me on those sunglasses. He's you like he's like, yeah, those are Smith Chromopops. They really highlight the reds and the greens. And I was like, yeah,
I probably do need to see the reds and the greens a little better.
River's been one color all this time.
Seeing the greens through good sunglasses is an incredible feeling though. You're like,
is that, you have to keep on taking down the sunglasses. You're like, is it this beautiful?
Has God made it this beautiful? Yeah has God made it this beautiful
It was pretty sick having like good sunglasses. I've never had good sunglasses before so it's nice
One's that make the green pop or different. I've never had that the reds really pop the reds were screaming. What's red? Nothing
Rainbow trout rainbow trout is have some red in them. Yeah, where they're red
Was there redness you catch some bows?
No.
Some bows?
Rainbows?
Yeah, we've had a lot of rainbows.
How many of those?
I don't know.
I said I caught 65.
I don't know if I actually like where it was.
It has to have been that or more because I caught,
yeah, like I said, I caught like at least 10 fish every day
aside for the first day.
Well.
So.
Would you catch more bows or browns?
The first half of the trip was mostly browns,
some rainbows, and then the second half
was mostly cutthroat and then a couple of rainbows.
Cut some throats and some bows.
Yeah, it was pretty incredible.
I know you had a good time because it made you post
on Instagram for the first time in eight months.
I know, that's what I was, well,
the real reason was because I was like, how can I sneak my tour dates into this?
And I did
It worked. Are you really gonna have a new show with Sydney Wells?
Yeah, I guess I mean she she hit me up like a couple like a month ago
And she was like do you want to do a fly fishing series?
We would go like five different places in the spring and I was like yeah
I'm not gonna not say yes to that I think that's the right thing to
do I think the two of you belong on a river not the open ocean the way that we
were yeah I don't know what I wouldn't be you're not funny on the ocean I
wouldn't be opposed to going to the salt water either though. Well you'd need me for that.
Because I brought out all the really funny moments.
Well Francis is funny on the ocean.
Francis is salt water funny.
You can tell by his hair.
Francis is definitely salt water funny.
You got that salt life hair.
Yes sir.
I have been spraying my hair with sea salt spray.
Really?
Sea salt spray, game changer.
What brand?
It is really good. I don't actually know. I don't know. Sea salt spray, game changer. It isn't really good. What brand? I don't actually know.
I don't know.
There's one.
It's green bottle.
Green bottle in the SEI.
It's not me.
It's not my brand.
I usually go with, what is it?
It's called like mom's hair spray or something like that.
See, I have women.
Yours is Pantene Pro V.
Someone told me that if I just went swimming in the ocean,
I would have sea salt spray hair,
and I did that a lot, and I did not.
Well, you can't shower.
I didn't.
I stopped showering.
Okay, so then you should have had sea salt hair.
No, it was chlorine-y hair.
Well, then maybe you were not swimming in the ocean.
I was mixing bodies of water.
Oh, okay, well, if you go swimming in salt water,
and then you go in chlorine after, it gonna take up so what if I went I
think I went pool sometimes pool then then ocean and then you would have had
salt water here wasn't the way I needed it to be so I still had to add more sea
salt spray you can't have enough I just grind salt in my hair yeah you really
should just bring your own thing of salt out there I just get some some Himalayan pink, slap it on like a steak,
rub it into my scalp. It's my best choice. The lettuce looks good, Francis. That's that Montauk
hair. It's good hair. It's coming in. I haven't quite figured out what to do with it, but yeah,
it's been a real chore. It was hanging down before you just ran your hands through it. It was hanging
down like you're in Friends.
Oh, that's what we want.
It was like a nice Matt LeBlanc.
I saw Joe Burrow on part of my take,
and he had a little strand dancing down his face.
He's going big with the strand.
And I thought to myself, I want that.
Yeah.
I want Joey B.
You can have it.
You can take it from him.
Let's do Rone in Japan.
Should we?
You don't want to talk Montauk?
I think I have the worst.
I deserve to go last. My story is the least interesting.
I don't think it is.
Let's just tease it with Leonardo DiCaprio.
Leonardo, Leo!
Let's just say we're going to be talking DiCaprio in a second.
We're talking DiCaprio.
But he's the executive producer of Francis Special.
Yeah.
Scorsese shot it. I asked him at the party and he said no doubt. Of course I've been hoping you asked. Send me the script.
I'll read it. And then he goes how much ketamine do you have? And I was like enough to kill a
horse. It's mostly fentanyl though. It's mostly tasty tasty fentanyl.
I can't believe that fentanyl has been fucking taking people out for this long.
Prince, they got Prince with fentanyl? Yeah. When did he die?
Has to be like eight years ago. I don't think it was that long ago.
It was more recent than that. I think it was like 2016.
He performed at the SNL 40th
anniversary show. And the 50th anniversary is next year. So that's nine years ago.
But he had plenty of energy at the 40th. I'm sure he had plenty of energy when he died.
No, he was getting sleepy.
Well, cuz yeah, cuz he took fentanyl. Right. At the mouth of death.
You can tell that at the 40th anniversary party he was nowhere near fentanyl at that point
Sass if you go to the 50th anniversary party, will you do fentanyl?
Absolutely, if everybody's doing it me and Lauren you Lauren railing lines of fent you do beers
Yeah, you do beers in the last one and then Fenty at this next one
like
Rihanna's underwear line, but I can talk about Japan. Yeah, let's talk about Japan.
It was so fucking awesome.
Okay.
Was it really hot?
A lot of people said like, dude, don't go at this time of year because it's so hot.
I had to hold myself back from making the comment of I've been told not to go in July
because of how hot it is.
Because I knew you'd already booked and I didn't want to
Put that in your mind. It was not so hot that I wouldn't have gone amazing
It was like that was I thought that that was overblown. I thought that was very over when they say it's that hot
What do they mean? Like it's like Death Valley hot like 96 feels like 106 was it like the last couple days were very hot
That's pretty hot. But like I wore pants the entire time.
Yeah.
As you should.
As I should.
That's respectful.
And I was judging the people that were wearing shorts.
So ridiculous.
Don't wear pants when you don't wear shorts
when you're a tourist.
That's what they say.
They say like when you go to France
and you have like if you wear a baseball hat
or shorts on they know you're American.
Take yourself seriously.
Shorts it's the next thing. There's a clip and we'll get to runs. Of course this clip of
The fact that we had it was Tommy smokes Dana beers
Glenny balls and Eddie were in Tampa and they went to the like one of the nicest steak houses in Tampa and
Three of the four of them were wearing shorts. Should we guess? I'm gonna go Eddie, Glennie, who was it?
Tommy. Eddie, Glennie, Tommy. No and I'm surprised you got this wrong. Just pick
the most overweight people. Yeah who's wearing shorts? I know but I could have seen Tommy wearing pants.
That would have made sense. Tommy did wear pants I know, but I could have seen Tommy wearing pants. That would have made sense.
Tommy did wear pants.
Or shorts. I could have seen him wearing shorts as well.
Point is, they put them in like,
it was one of the funniest videos I've seen in a long time.
Did they get sent to the ugly?
No, they had like, they had like donor pants.
Oh really?
And of course they're all the fattest sizes
imaginable,
because fat people keep showing up to this steakhouse in shorts
And they don't want to discriminate against them, so they give them size 50 waist pants
I'm surprised they didn't have just extensions for their shorts
Zippers just clip these on
Just pleated extensions that they hit throw on the bottom like and one basketball shorts on the bottom of your shorts, make these into dress pants, just pleated extensions that they can throw on the bottom of their shorts.
Just like And1 basketball shorts on the top and just khakis on the bottom.
Yeah!
They should dude.
I can't believe that, I mean, I guess in Florida they do have fat people though.
Like they're prepared.
Yeah, sure do.
In Japan they don't have them.
No.
They don't have them. No.
They don't have them.
Wyoming, everyone's fat.
Really?
A lot of fat people.
Why?
You'd stop and you,
cause everyone just gets pie for like this.
You go, no, I'm serious, dude.
I'm serious.
I had a great, dude, I'm not even kidding.
We, everywhere you go in Wyoming,
they're like, all right, and what kind of pie do you want?
And you're like, what do you mean it's an 8 a.m.?
I don't need pie and ice cream right now.
I can't eat pie.
I have to eat pie.
I had pie the last night.
I'm a group a lot of pie.
The pie was unbelievable.
I'm a big pie guy.
I got a blueberry pie with some ice cream.
That'll work.
Unbelievable.
That is nice. That'll work.
What's your guys' favorite pies?
Strawberry rhubarb.
That's a great one. Especially with the crumbly top. I want the crumble.
Mine's probably apple or blueberry or key lime. Pick on for me, which is barely a pie.
Mmm. Because it's not a fruit. It's like an energy bar almost. Yeah, it's a trail mix.
You can eat that for breakfast. Nature Valley for pie.
Which is probably, that's what they're doing out in Wyoming.
Oh, no, it's everywhere.
You go, you get a coffee.
Alright, what kind of pie do you want?
Is it, and is it like a McDonald's pie?
Do you want your pie in your coffee or on the side?
It's a tub of pie.
It's a f***ing plate of pie.
It's a plate of the largest slice of pie.
They're going generous slices.
They make a full pie and they go, this will feed two people.
It was, Japan is such a, it was such an orderly place.
Everything was like, you ride an escalator,
everybody's far to the left.
Like you walk outside, everybody's fucking quiet.
You get to a crosswalk and nobody crosses the street.
Nobody jaywalks and it's fucking so orderly.
Everybody's just like in cohesion as a culture.
And I think it's like there's hard rules
against things like that.
Like I went out to some district
and they said it's five years in prison for graffiti.
And they're like prosecute.
It was like big sign saying you're getting locked up.
And I went through the most wanted list in Japan
and it's like murder, murder, murder,
violation of the traffic doubt.
Murder, murder.
Literally the fourth most wanted person
like walked into traffic.
Like a roll to stop sign.
Yeah.
Littering.
And they went on the lam for the rest of their life.
They had to like get in the high went on the lam for the rest of their life.
They had to get in the high speed chase and live in the wilderness of Japan because it
was so fucked.
But as soon as I got there to my hotel, within five minutes I'm sitting in the lobby of this
fucking beautiful hotel in downtown Tokyo, Kanye West walks out of the elevator.
Oh yeah, you said that.
I forgot about that.
Kanye West just walks out of the elevator fucking with his two kids and his uh
Big kiddy wife and they go to the fucking elevator to like go down and like go out for the night
It just like he's just like chilling in Japan. Did you say hi? No, I was like checking in
You guys are really on the same travel schedule on the same travel
This is the second hotel experience where I've been at the same hotel as Kanye West I just ran into Kanye so you were staying at a pretty nice hotel. I'd assume I mean it wasn't as nice as Wyoming
I mean if you're with Kanye West expensive as I am Kanye West out of the bighorn
Yeah, you were probably spending more at that Walmart on
On a tent and your mattress topper it was fucking it was this beautiful. The first night you just kind of like,
it was so jet lagged, I didn't do shit,
just ate at the hotel bar and fucking like
walked around the block and like went to sleep.
The next morning I woke up like so fucking energized,
went to the gym, I'm like I'm gonna fucking crush this trip,
go to the gym, get a workout in right away.
First one there in the morning, 6 a.m., I was like fucking ripping it at the gym, get a workout in right away. First one there in the morning, 6 a.m.
I was fucking ripping it at the gym
and afterwards I'm like, I'm gonna go to the fucking pool.
I asked for a sauna and they're like,
okay, we'll take you to where the sauna is
and I got there and this gay Japanese guy's like,
let me give you a tour and he's like,
we have the sauna.
No, that guy is the sixth most wanted.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm on the lam.
Shh, don't tell anyone.
And no, there's a stronghold of gay folk out there,
but they're like, take you through,
they're like, let me give you a tour.
And they're like, it's actually a steam room that you go to.
And there's also a traditional onsen which is a bath and
They're like the only thing is you have to be naked to get in there
Damn
Yeah
And you've heard of this?
No, but I like where it's going
And so I fucking I'm like alright like if I'm gonna go to the steam room I go in and I fucking strip down
And I fucking go into the traditional bath and who's in there?
Fuckin' ass naked in the bath, fuckin' Kanye West.
Are you kidding?
Is this like your Jake Gyllenhaal story?
Yeah, there's no way that that's true.
Are you Jake Gyllenhaal-ing us?
With his dick floating at the top like a buoy,
listening to a book on tape of the 48 Laws of Power.
It was fuckin' insane.
I had never seen anything like it was fucking I tried to make conversation
with him I was like I submitted music to like Jeff
Basker in like 2009 or like is this your you're really going to know fuck there's
no way in hell this happened I submitted music to Jeff Basker no I
believe that and I told it to him he like just didn't want to hear it or whatever.
But yeah, his dick's just floating on the top of the water.
It was insane.
Dry Fly.
He was Dry Fly.
I don't even count it as a fucking hit.
It was just so, every part of it was,
their bars, I think, are better than our bars.
All the bars are just like six people
and they have fucking themes and shit to the bars. Is it like in the videos where it's
like all super tight? It's all super tight like you go to these like drunk
alleys and shit like that it's just like there's literally two seats in some of
the bars and it's all of them in a row it's just two seats like they're
drinking culture is better you're just getting fucked up it made me wish that
we had like themed bars in New York that there was like they're all sports team bars
yeah but I mean like just like a little bar they have barstool Tokyo out there
yeah I was getting pink with me yeah they just hired their new bartender, Hawk Tuah.
They were saying that I should bring back one of the, because in Kyoto I went to a traditional
geisha dinner and Caleb was asking how it was.
He was like, dude, you got to bring back the geisha as an intern.
Just get barstool geisha.
Barstool geisha.
It was so fucking interesting just having
dinner with a Geisha through like an interpreter. She's just like telling us
about her like culture and I think that most American gay culture is stolen from
Geisha culture. Like even like the way she's talking it's just like yeah I go to
Starbucks on like my one day off a month. It just has this gay undertone that's,
it's just everything about it was so fucking interesting.
20,000 steps a day for sure.
Just walking around.
Please, nah, I believe you.
Do you compare apps?
Nah, I believe you.
Exactly, you don't wanna fucking see the smoke.
They were out there.
Break it down really quick.
You did, how many days in Tokyo?
I did, I think five days in Tokyo.
One day I went to like the countryside.
How's that?
Fucking nuts.
Yeah, that looks sick.
They have good skiing there.
Yeah, they-
No, that's out on them islands though.
You gotta go like off the mainland, I think,
to do the skiing.
Oh, really?
Well, I went through Nagano,
where the 98 Winter Olympics were.
Okay, nevermind. So like the train went, it passed through Nagano, where the 98 Winter Olympics were. Oh you're right, okay.
So like the train went, it passed through Nagano
to this place called Kaga Onsen, where I went
and stayed at this traditional Roya Khan,
and like, it's, you're living like they did
in the like 1500s out there,
and they're just giving you food that is not even food.
Like they're giving you just like 18 courses
of like goo and like tofu and shit like that. Like I'm just giving you chopsticks to eat it
with. But I'll tell you what dude, it solved my microbiome. The shits that I've
been taking are fucking perfect dude. River trouts. They are just unbelievably
double-tapered. just unbelievable fucking turds.
I think that's the cure to like bad stomach problems,
just going on vacation and just changing your diet completely.
Cause I'm shitting just logs for the first time in a decade.
It's incredible.
I don't know how this has happened,
but I'm so appreciative about the turds
that are coming out of my butt.
Yeah. All of my hemorrhoids have receded back into there.
Sucked back into nature.
This guy's on a pure fajita diet.
That's the way to cure it is just fajitas.
It really is nice.
I don't think that, cause as I was going out there, I was like, oh my God, blue
zones, I'm going to be living a blue zone lifestyle.
I just have to switch my diet to this permanently
I don't think I could switch it to that permanently why because by the time I got to the last place
I went was Kyoto for like four days or
And by the time I was in Kyoto, I was like give me a cheeseburger
Yeah, still the cheeseburgers that I got out there were
insane
Pizza was very good too. Not as good, people
are like it's as good as New York, it's not as good as New York, but the burgers were
better than any burger I've ever tasted. What are you saying? Did you go to McDonald's?
Yeah, one night we went to McDonald's, like we went out late night in Shinjuku, just like
going to fucking karaoke and shit like that, and went to McDonald's. It was good. Was it
the same? Close to the same. I'm always curious about that. I
like to see what the foreign, like the American food is like in foreign
countries. Like, I mean there were KFC's Burger King's McDonald's everywhere. I'd
tell you it was pretty much the same. I don't know, I was pretty trash by the
time I was eating McDonald's. Did you guys go to one of the live band karaoke
places? I've heard those are fun.
No, we didn't.
It was just like, it was like basically everything, it just goes up.
Like the eighth floor has something cool on it out there.
So we just went to like a third floor karaoke place and like a strip mall.
Just some guy had perfect English and like checked us in.
It was just fucking great.
Very little crime, very little homelessness.
Well.
What?
Cause they just kill you.
There were a couple homeless, no, there were some homeless out there.
Yeah, they hadn't been caught yet.
Yeah.
Honestly, it made me think like, should we be killing the homeless?
Did you see any of like the business dudes sleeping on the street?
There were some tech like businessmen like stumbling around, but that's their culture.
Yeah, they sleep on the street and then people like don't people bring them in yeah
They put like they they'll pull their coat and make sure that they're covered
Yeah
You know make sure they're comfortable because drinking with your boss and drinking with your clients is like part of the culture out there
And if you refuse a drink with your boss, you're supposed to work 18 hours every day
Drink with your boss for four hours and then sleep on the street for two and then go right supposed to work 18 hours every day, drink with your boss for four hours, and then sleep on the street for two hours.
And then go right back to work, yeah.
A very good friend of mine works for Bank of America,
and he's been there for a long time,
and they have a big office in Tokyo.
So he goes to Japan every year.
Bank of Tokyo.
And he said that, like, they'll go to the office
and do a presentation for, why?
What did that mean?
Just because it's called Bank of America America and it's in Tokyo. Nice funny
Good one riff. I don't know. I'm not gone. I'm not going good riff on that
and
There they the office out there gets excited when they're coming
Yeah, cuz it's you know, the American businessman and they like roll out the red carpet
yes gift exchange all this stuff and then they all go out and
I think that they just that is like a big moment for them to get really drunk
Yeah, the the people from their office the hospitality is insane
Yeah, everybody is so hospitable when you walk into a store. They're like
You get into a store they're like I think it's a must which I think is you get into a cab I think it's a must you have to sing it like that that's how and
that's how it's like like thank you it's like basically they're saying thank you
before you get like as you walk in and as you leave you say I think it's a
must or they'll say I think it's a must you say I think it's a must do they get
mad when you start saying it yeah well they'll always say it after you.
So you could say it five times, they'll say it six.
They always have to be the last one saying,
Arigatou gozaimasu.
Even the first day that I went out,
that night when I just walked around
before I got into the traditional onsen with Kanye,
I fucking walked past groups of dudes
who were drinking on the street,
and they're just bowing to each other.
They're just like, they're like going nose down
on a keyboard.
It was just all of them just bowing back and forth.
The deeper the bow, the more respect.
It was so respectful.
Like as we get into the hotel elevator,
like they're just bowing at us, throwing bows around.
It's so fucking wonderful.
You were bowing back?
I was bowing back.
I was getting a hamstring workout.
You get low?
I was trying.
They probably have very strong backs.
You put your hands at your sides.
Yeah.
So it's like a concert bow.
That's it?
That's not nearly low enough.
That's how you did it?
That's not low enough.
Is that right?
At that speed?
I would have gone faster.
I would have gone faster and lower by a lot
Sometimes I just lower my head
Well, well they'll throw back at you if it's the same as saying thank you I think it's supposed to be I
Think there were a couple there were a couple that I do hands behind
No, I think that's racist
That's a curtsy.
No, that's not a curtsy.
I think you're supposed to go to the lowest point you can before you tip over.
What?
That's the ultimate effect.
But that's different for everybody.
Like if you saw the president of Japan.
Prime Minister?
The Prime Minister.
Former Minister of the Shizuobi?
You're going to your head is touching your knees.
Yeah, I'm doing downward dog
in front of the Prime Minister.
Shinzo Abe, the former Prime Minister,
was shot with a 3D printed gun.
Yeah.
It was like one of the first gun deaths.
It was a major political assassinations
that the countries had.
Yeah, that was pretty recent.
Yeah, it wasn't too long ago.
It was pretty shocking.
It was probably like two years ago.
Yeah.
I read an article that was interesting
that is that as countries go, as democracies go,
Japan's general satisfaction with their political leaders
is very high and it's not necessarily
because they like them all,
it's just because they all don't care.
I could see that.
A lot of them don't even know
who their elected officials are.
Really? And I'm not talking about like, dumb people. I'm talking people just like,
eh, they don't, they have a general idea and they're like, look, there's not much I can do
about it. So whatever. And they don't know. And they just like, they're not that politically
engaged. They don't worry about voting records. Like, you know, we talk about like, why doesn't Nancy Pelosi released the stocks
that she's fucking, whatever.
Yeah, yeah.
Like, they don't, none of that matters to them.
That's not the discourse.
They're just moving through life.
Which I respect.
Working hard. Yeah, it's awesome.
It's cool.
Imagine having that level of like, indifference.
That'd be nice.
I would respect the hell out of it.
Yeah, it's a peaceful way to go through life.
There's, like, as far as their political candidates,
there are on street corners
they'll have like basically a bulletin board and it has all their faces with equal space and it's
just like politician, politician, one guy's in like his surgeon outfit or something like that
and then on every one of them there's one guy running for office who's just dressed up like
Jim Carrey in the mask. He just has a green face and a yellow thing with
like three women around him. It really was exactly that and that it was like
intentional it wasn't like accidental but everything's so orderly even like
there was this area Shinjuku where that's all fucking basically I couldn't
tell if it was whorehouses but it's like fucking basically I couldn't tell if it was
whorehouses but it's like these like girls outside and like these like
little cute outfits and shit like that trying to get people into their
businesses like a late night and they're trying to and it's like these
companionship bars but not only are there girls outside there's dudes on
billboards so there's companionship bars for the women out there. And so women get, you would be an incredible companion.
Is that because they work so much?
Isn't there, I feel like Sam Talent
said something about that.
It makes sense.
When he came on our podcast.
There's like companionship bars and like cuddle bars,
but I was like trying to look into it.
And I think that the women get so addicted
to the companionship bars,
and they wind up spending so much money that they
have to turn to a life of prostitution often.
Like they start whoring themselves out because they've tried so hard to like get in good
with the companions and they buy Gucci bags because they think they treat you better at
the companionship bars if you're rich or present as rich Damn, it was so fucking but even that like area of town is very orderly like there's just
Natural like mutual respect to it. I don't know. I just I came back more respectful
I don't even talk shit anymore now on anybody now. I noticed that it's so nice. I noticed that immediately
We'll break you anymore. No. On anybody. No. I noticed that. It's so nice. Yeah, I noticed that immediately.
We'll break you. We'll break you. You think you've got me back to talk? Yeah, we'll get
you back. Did you think that your, was five days the right amount of time to spend in
Tokyo? Do you wish you'd done less? Definitely. Definitely not less. Okay. So you need that
much time there? I could have spent so long in Tokyo. Yeah, cool. I want to go back so
badly already. All right. There's so much to do, there's so many pockets,
there's so many areas, different restaurants
I wanted to try, different foods I wanted to try.
There's just, it's just everywhere.
There's something everywhere.
There's just cool streets.
There's streets that are just so much cooler than ours.
Little alleys that you can go down,
just random ass alleys.
And I've heard it's not the best place to live.
I heard it's a better place to visit.
It's not like I'm saying I'm gonna fucking live in Japan,
but it exceeded my expectations so much in a couple ways.
One, I went to France a couple years ago
on a summer vacation.
I was like, yeah, I don't have any funny or cool stories
because it just was pretty and beautiful
and nothing funny or interesting happened.
And this wasn't like that at all.
It was just so funny and weird and individual.
But also when I was growing up,
I really thought that people who went to Japan
or wanted to go to Asia badly,
I thought that they were almost like fetishists.
I was like, you're like, hey, what are you fucking in?
The fucking pixelated porn.
It's like a fucking weirdo type of thing.
And it just like, it's just a whole different frontier
of travel that I was, I'm just so excited about.
It was just so fucking cool.
There's so much that I feel like
I barely scratched the surface.
Did you go to the Logan Paul forest?
Yeah, it was fucking awesome. You actually
Guess I wouldn't really be wondering you like write that into the itinerary. We're gonna have to stop by the suicide forest
It's gonna take a three-hour train to the suicide forest
Yeah, it was awesome
Cool sounds super sick. Yeah, I was awesome. So cool.
Sounds super sick.
What was the best food you had the whole time?
We went to a really... there's a lot of places you have to wait in line for really good food spots.
There's nothing you can do.
I tried to get good reservations.
I had a transformative eating experience at this place called...
What the fuck was it called? I don't know. You're not gonna remember it. It doesn't
matter. But it was basically an hour outside of Tokyo where I was just like
in the wilderness and it was just so fucking beautiful. I posted a video of
it on my Instagram story but it just like it felt like old Japan. There's like
a red bridge and like you just slide open this individual door where you're they're bringing you all their courses. And it was just like, so fucking cool and
peaceful. But that's where you're eating these weird foods and shit like that. The place
where I enjoyed the food the most was like, it was just like one place where they only
serve the exact same thing every single time and you can get a small, medium,
or large portion of it and it was just rice
with like an egg on top and some kind of like,
like grilled pork and it was just fucking incredible.
It sounds awesome.
It was so fucking tasty.
Yeah, you need to get some of this shit.
What the fuck was it called?
We can go get some food later if you want.
No, it was called Katsudonya Zukaio.
Zugi-cho.
Kato-nyo- I don't know.
Okay, I know that one.
I've actually heard of that one.
And Ukai Toriyama was the one out in the wilderness.
Ukai Toriyama.
Toriyama.
I thought that we've talked in Japanese voices on this podcast before, I'm gonna, I was like, I'm gonna go over there.
I'm gonna be like, this is racist.
There are people who not only talk like that, we're doing like a muted version of
what they're, there's people who are like,
and I knew people would think I was fucking around.
I was voice recording people that I overheard at bars the last night
I went to this bar in Kyoto that has like no electricity
It was so fucking cool, but there's like just the exact dude
You're thinking of like this shaved head like Japanese guy
And I was just voice recording him because I was like people will think that I'm just being racist towards Japanese
No, I believe it
I mean I've had an uber drivers where they just being racist towards Japanese people No, I believe it
I mean I've had an uber drivers where they talk like that and you're like, oh, it's not a joke
It's actually what they sound like. It was it's like a manly representation of what a voice is
Let me see if I can if you can hear it on the on the voice recording
I learned all that from playing video games
Fuck Oh, he's Cookie Monster. That's how they say yes out there and I couldn't stop saying it. I'm in that moment. We got the good time. I think it's a good time.
That's how they say yes out there.
And I couldn't stop saying it.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
So I want to say, hey, it's just nice to go somewhere
with a good with a good sounding language.
Yeah, it sounds good.
Iceland was a disaster for that.
It sounds like they're in rewind.
It's all throat.
It sounds like someone's playing the shit in reverse.
I think it's all throat. It sounds like someone's playing the shit in reverse. Iceland was the worst. Like a Missy Elliott song. Feathers in their mouth. You'd go to
a bar and you'd feel like you needed like noise canceling headphones or else you'd get a headache.
I went to the one place I was like buying because I took out, I thought you were just
going to need cash the whole time. You didn't need cash.
So by the last couple of days, their currency is dipped.
Every day, it's just fucking as weak as it's
been in maybe 35 years, 38 years, or something like that.
Good time to go to Japan.
Good time to go.
For sure.
But I was spending money trying to just get rid of it,
because if I convert it back in the US,
I'm getting an even worse conversion rate
And so I walked up and like was buying just some random shit at a store and like pulled out the wad of cash
And the guy's like, oh bitch
What?
And I called my wife over and I like bought something else and he was like a big bitch
What the hell I thought that it was just like L to R, but it was a B to R.
Oh, Rich.
Yeah, he was calling me Rich.
I made her listen again just to be like, I didn't mishear that, right?
He's calling me a bitch.
Yeah.
Like, oh, big bitch.
That's hilarious.
That's so funny.
But he said it so respectfully that even if he was calling me a bitch
But no one no one is disrespectful no one like there's no cab driver
That was just like like fuck you like I'm not going there like even like scoffs at you or anything
It's always the shit talking must be unreal out there. You think so you can't just bottle up all that
I think they do bro. They go home.'s fucking... I think it's the Buddhism.
I think that they're all Buddhist.
They're printing out your face on a dart board.
Fuck this guy!
Bitch!
It would be funny if they were just calling me a bitch and trying to like fuck with me.
Like, no, no, you, bitch!
We used to do that with my my
Boss when I worked at the ye olde alehouse, you just call him balls like oh hey balls Yeah, you think we were calling him boss, but we're just calling him balls like a ball sack
It's a classic. That is a class you guys could use that way. There was a there was like a
lunch lady in my high school middle school and she was she couldn't hear anything and you just
People were just saying saying shit to her and she was she couldn't hear anything and you just people would just say insane shit to her
And she like oh, yeah for sure
I remember one time when I'm one of my friends like yeah, it's raining cats and cocks out there today
Oh, yeah big time
Do they also love they love to hear that people are from New York
Yeah, that doesn't surprise me. I feel like that's like if you're not an American,
that's probably like, it's probably like New York and LA.
It's really New York.
Yeah.
Times Square.
And that's true of like a lot of countries.
Yeah.
The one thing like, or there's a lot of things
I didn't get to do in Tokyo.
I didn't get to go to any like jazz bars
because their jazz is obviously amazing out there.
So when I went to Tokyo, I was like,
I'm going to every jazz bar I could find.
And I went to a ton of them. And there was one called Beatle Momo Jazz Bar and on the wall of
inside the bathroom, they're like, I love New York. I hope to go to New York someday. I want to open
a bar in Brooklyn. I like love Brooklyn. Last time I went to Brooklyn's this like, please like start
a conversation with me about Brooklyn from the owner. And he's just putting that on the wall.
So like, I couldn't wait to bring it up to him
and just like talk for a half hour about it.
And then after that we go to like a more of a clubby place
and they like, the DJ is like spinning shit
and he puts on like, you're from New York.
And it was like, yeah!
Going crazy just so excited about New York City.
They should come here, it sucks.
Yeah, exactly.
They must think that, I mean, that's probably, there's some probably some Japanese podcasters
being like, it was incredible in New York.
I wouldn't want to live there, but a great place to visit.
That's hilarious.
It was an awesome trip and I would recommend it so strongly to anybody who's even like
Considering a little bit of it flights were not that not that hard to get to wasn't that bad
There are layovers or was it direct from Detroit?
There's probably straight you can go to Detroit and then go I went to Detroit and then I flew back through Minneapolis
And it was those flights were not bad at all
The train is so easy to get to like different cities as fast as shit the bullet train like that movie
Yeah, it was just like that movie. You had to fight from the back of the train to the front
It was a very easy fight
It's like a reverse Rosa Parks
Even the people out there who are Barstool fans were very just
respectful. Yeah I'm sure. What's up bro? Yeah. Where's Dave? How much does Big Cat make?
Won the bite. Everybody know the rule. Everybody know the rule. They try their best to think.
But Google Translate makes everything so easy.
What percentage of people, everywhere you went, was there someone that spoke English
or was that not the case?
Like every city or every place.
Establishment.
If you went to a nice restaurant, was there someone or did you have to do the Google Translate
for everything?
No, there was pretty much almost always someone and there were a couple of places but like Google
Translate it's like if you're in a drug store or something maybe you need Google Translate but it
was so easy and their Google Translate has something where you just take a picture of the
words and it in real time translates it for you. That's pretty crazy. It was fucking sweet.
It's so weird how other countries feel like they're like built for Toru like Like they know that people are going to be coming there and they like make things that
make it easier for tourists.
In America it's just English, everything.
Yeah, I thought that too but in the airport I was like noticing that in the Detroit airport
there's like Japanese in a lot of places.
Oh really?
Maybe it was just because that's the Japanese terminal or part of it where they're always
flying to Japan.
Probably.
They made it a little bit easier.
Actually, I brought back some
Oh here. I brought back. I don't know if you guys want to mukbang right now, or we can do it at the end
I'd love a mukbang, but I brought I brought back a ton of
Japanese candy for the boys. That's what I was hoping I brought back some Japanese candy for the fellas and actually I brought this back for
You Francis. I didn't know you're doing the sea salt spray
the fellas and actually I brought this back for you Francis I didn't know you're doing the sea salt spray
cock grease extra hard you're not wrong I need this no it's it's hair product I know oh
well you can keep that you don't want the extra hard I couldn't believe it it's cock grease
that's hilarious it's called cock grease it's extra hard with two X's too. Are you sure this is not for your cock? I'm positive It's not for the cock even though there were I mean the same grocery store where you get that they have like full-on like
I'm sure there's a section of the store for flesh. Yeah, that's not surprising
So I don't know should we should mukbang at the end should we let you keep it up all day?
Try it. you'll like it
Pretty good. It's a good gag very very nice. Say what you want about the Japanese. They got a great sense of humor
No, they actually do and
in
in Osaka, there's like
If you do a gun sign if you do a like a finger gun to someone in Osaka
They have to like pretend they're dying really I swear to God, dude. I'm not how did you figure this out?
There's videos on it. Oh really?
It's it's it's like so they prove that they have like a good sense of humor like and you get like
I would last out of society
Imagine you're having like a bad day and you're coming home from work and some
Tourist hits you with the guns on you had like fuck
Old ladies Who's can tell very quickly who is like hardcore Osocken,
but if they can recognize a bit,
and then like they just write it.
My version is the Matrix, like always like slow down.
It's like bit, it's a bit town.
That's awesome.
They do, so they actually do have like great senses of humor.
Yeah.
I know you were trying to make fun of them,
but they were, but would have gone with the bit.
Yeah.
Would have gone along with the bit.
That's pretty good, I like that. In New York. If you give someone the gun sign, they'll kill you
Yeah, I'll just murder you on the street. Yeah, if you do it to a cop. Yeah, sell you a gun. Yeah
Yeah, so should we let's I guess wait till the end to go through all these because it'll probably be shitty to be it's
Almost all gummy candy. Oh that Francis go go and uh what do we have? Maybe we save my recap for the next episode. You want
it? Yeah I think that's the right thing to do. We're at an hour and 20. Bless the
people though. It's you up to you. It's up to you. It's if you want to talk about
it. Okay I'll tell it really quick. Yeah and then take your time.
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Keeps, keep that stuff, huh?
Well, that's awesome, Ron.
Definitely high praise for Japan.
Much praise.
Hell yes.
Very high.
Everybody should go.
I'm going to get there as soon as I possibly can.
That's my next trip.
I know.
I feel bad because I low-key stole it from you and a couple other people who wanted to
go.
No, you didn't.
Not at all.
I think it's also the place that is the cool place.
Everyone knows the yen is really weak right now and this is the time to go. And like, you know,
there's a high, what would you call it? Like draw to Japanese culture right now. And like
there's, you know, their clothing, their food, everything is just seems to be like peaking.
That's China actually peaking. I'm sorry, go ahead.
I went to Montauk, which I hadn't been to in a while.
And I went to the sort of do just do like a Hamptons, you know, week, went and stayed
with two of my friends and bounced around and had an absolute ball.
And it was pretty low key,
just like playing with their kids
and really enjoying myself.
They have an awesome house, they're really good people
and was awesome.
And then one night I went to a party
and I was totally out of my element.
What kind of party are we talking about?
Is it like- Was it the white party?
Pull in and there's a valet guy, it's at a house.
But there's a guy telling you like,
pull up here, I'll take your car.
Or like, go pull up on that hill
if you don't have a nice enough car.
So is that, yeah, is everybody rich?
Like that's going there?
It's a lot of G wagons.
That seems to be the car that everyone's driving.
Damn.
That's a pricey car.
It is.
Yeah, was that 140?
200? Yeah.
I think it's close to 200.
It's between like, yeah, it's like,
they're like 120 to 200.
God damn.
Yeah.
So, I parked my own car, obviously.
Like a Flintstones character.
And...
They think you're clocking in for your shift.
Yeah, and then I hiked down the hill.
And then there was a guy, then you have to go to a gate.
How did you get into the party?
I was with a couple people, one of whom was on the list and had like plus ones.
So it was that kind of party.
It wasn't just like a house party where you just can show up.
Yeah.
And we had to pull out our IDs to verify that we were the people we were saying we
were.
That's crazy.
What?
And I was like, there's no chance I'm getting in.
This is going to be humiliating.
Yeah, that would suck.
I was with people who had plus ones and like, thank God.
So then you go in and I'm walking around trying to get my bearings.
Can I ask how they got plus ones or like, who do you have to know?
You just know the person who's throwing it or do you?
I think that's how they.
You have to have your agent book you it.
Yeah.
I think that's how it was.
And, uh, we were floating around and, you know, it's, I don't really know how to describe it.
It's like a party where probably, I don't know,
it's the opposite of Osaka.
Like having fun and looking goofy and doing bits
is not what you're supposed to do.
You're just looking cool.
You're meant to be stone-faced and stoic
and withdrawn and aloof and like.
That's how I feel like LA parties are.
Yeah.
It very much felt like that.
You gotta keep up an appearance.
But I tried to counteract that by being overly friendly
and approaching people and introducing myself
as though I was at a professional networking event.
Like I was at a career services fair for my college
with my name tag on, like, hi, I'm so and so, class of 2011.
It's nice to meet you, what's your zodiac sign?
And kind of just taking the piss and having a good time
with that.
Ultimately met some pretty good people.
And then Andrew Schultz came in with his whole crew, and I went
and said hi to him, and was great and then it was like
people saw me hanging out with him so they started treating me better. Really?
It's just one of those things. Was that kinetic value or kinetic? Yeah, we're
social climbing. Yeah. Pure like validation. So then one of the girls I
guess who was like hosting the party is also a DJ, go figure, and she was gonna do her set.
And so the whole staff all of a sudden
started herding everybody down into the basement.
To call it a basement is a disservice to basements.
This was an all glass structure beneath the house.
It was all glass?
This is crazy.
And it was huge.
What?
And there was another bar down there
with like three bartenders and-
And are you tipping bartenders?
I certainly didn't.
Yeah.
I didn't feel the need.
I didn't think they needed it.
Yeah, they're wealthier than you.
I saw what was in their jar and I thought, they're set.
The three loose one dollar bills that I have
aren't gonna move the needle.
Yeah, as they go back to their G wagons.
Yeah, they were huge bills in there.
They were probably going M for M.
Yeah, it seemed like they were gonna be
going M for M. At one point, I tried to go upstairs
just to explore the house and there was a guy
at the top of the stairs and said I needed a separate wristband for access to go upstairs just to explore the house and there was a guy at the top of the stairs and said I needed a
Separate wristband for access to the other cocaine rooms
And I was like a powder white wristband. Yeah, I was like I don't I just wanted to take a peek and he's like trust me
I wish I could he's like I want to take a peek too. They just got me standing here
House had different you were know, credentials required to explore.
Sorry, Diddy's up here fucking some kids.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What would you have if you got around the secure yard and there's just like 70 children upstairs?
I would have snuck them out like it was Handmaid's Tale.
Sound of freedom. Yeah. You would have Schindler'suck them out like it was Handmaid's Tale. And uh...
Sound of freedom.
Yeah.
He would have Schindler's Listed them out.
I wish I could have saved more kids.
Yeah.
This Rolex.
Three kids!
The jar downstairs!
That's enough for all these kids!
My Nikes! Half a kid!
That's what people keep on saying about that white party.
They're like, there's gonna be documentaries about what's happening at this party.
Everybody loves to fucking-
And it seems like it's just a party.
Yeah, everyone's like, dude, people are like, I fucking hate Michael Rubin.
Look at the sadness behind his eyes.
Like, that's a guy who just wants to social climb,
but realizes that he'll always be the loser he was in high school.
It's like, I'm pretty sure that's just a random screenshot
You took for video
Like the sadness in his eyes what like he's just playing touch football on the beach with the entire pro bowl squad
Yeah, it's like a cool shit out and Tom Tom Brady and Joe burrow
Yeah, he's running slant routes. Yeah fucking the funniest one that all one though to be there is fucking Damar Hamlin though.
He was there?
Yeah.
Damn.
Did he have a nurse with him?
Huh?
Did he have a nurse with him?
Yeah, probably.
If he plays touch football, he could fucking touch God.
But so you went down to the basement.
Yeah, and then she starts doing her music and I'm gonna be honest with you. I
was
Entranced it was good. It was amazing. What kind of music was your house? It was all like house, but with melody
You know, it wasn't too deep. It was like so it was real DJ transitions made sense. She just had a great playlist
Yeah, could have been I don't know
I think I've gotten to a point because I went to the and it went to the surf lodge like two days before that
for another day of nonsense and
Alesso was there performing and he's a big-time DJ. It's like a stadium DJ and he had John
Summit join him for a little bit. I don't know who is like one of the rising stars of that world
we had a duo is unreal and
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I wanna know where you are. I got this feeling.
I wanna know where you are.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's him.
I don't know if you know that one.
I think he just sold out like Madison Square Garden.
I got this feeling.
I got this feeling.
Do you remember his girlfriend named Alex Earl?
Ah, yes, yes. Alex Earl.
I thought Alex Earl was dating the dude from The Dolphins.
What? It's her sister.
You're right.
Alex Earl is dating
Braxton Barrios, but Alex Earl's younger
sister or older sister is dating John
Summit. I just found that out too.
But
they were like, they were doing deeper house stuff than
the girl at the party. Oh really?
And the girl at the party I actually thought was better.
That's amazing.
Than Alesso. So...
It's a good compliment. You should tell her that.
Yeah. I'm dancing, whatever, you know, having a good time. Then all of a sudden, there's kind of a push among all the people.
And you look over and fucking Leonardo DiCaprio
and Tobey Maguire walked in.
Damn.
I was like, oh my God, what do I do now?
And they came and they only stayed for 10 minutes
because everyone started like surreptitiously
taking photos of them.
Leo, not Toby.
And there was no, those guys need a booth.
You know?
They need a sequestered area to socialize in.
But they were there.
So they were just in gen pop?
They were in general admission.
They were on the Ryanair dance floor.
What?
Yeah.
Did they have a second wristband?
They probably had the wristband.
They just, but they had to pick their own seats,
like Southwest, and they were last ones there,
so they were sitting in the middle.
They were paying for Diet Cokes.
Damn, that's nasty work. So they probably went upstairs to go. I think so. Yeah, I mean I didn't really see them for very long and then
Roll the kids party sucks
Old-ass party
Where the hell are all the kids at?
kids at. Sorry, I was told there'd be kids there.
It feels like a retirement home down here.
What the fuck is this?
Girls like 19.
Probably read.
I started reading the sign.
I started reading a menu.
Fuck.
So yeah, that was my night and that was the Hamptons.
God damn.
I don't know how I ended up there, but that was just one of those random things.
That's the circle you're in.
Dude, I was wearing an outfit that was wrong.
Yeah?
And it was pretty funny.
What were you wearing?
I was wearing,
cause I'd worn clothes to go out to a nice dinner
at East Hampton Grill, which has a dress code.
So I was wearing linen khaki colored trousers,
fucking espadrilles.
It's important that you said khaki colored trousers.
Yeah.
Because a lot of people will say khakis are a type of pants.
They're thinking of chinos.
You're right.
People say, oh, wear some nice khakis.
No, that's a color.
That's very interesting.
I never think about that.
Some espadrilles.
Espadrilles and then a navy, light blue, like sky blue knitted polo that had no buttons.
One of those shirts that people wear.
That sounds like the exact right thing to do.
Yeah.
No, this was not that kind of a party.
I was dressed for Rosé on the bow of a wooden boat.
And this was...
What were they wearing?
What was Leo wearing?
You know, he was just in like a t-shirt and...
Everyone was like dressed in like LA Street Venice wear.
Kind of trucker caps and funky arm tattoos and...
Schultz even?
I feel like Schultz is... Schaltz dresses well. He dresses really well.
He was wearing a cool short sleeve button down.
Kind of the stuff that he wears on stage.
Was he wearing shorts?
No.
Are you out of your mind?
That's what I mean. This wasn't a shorts?
This is like a Japanese part.
Nobody was wearing shorts.
Was there a pool?
Yeah.
Was anyone swimming in it?
I wanted to.
No one was swimming in it though?
Nobody. I would have been thrown out.
You can't be the first person to swim in that pool.
No.
Unless Leo's in the pool.
Who the fuck is this guy in the pool?
I don't know, I saw him talking to Schultz earlier, so.
Someone shoot the guy in the pool.
Yeah.
So yeah, so that was...
That's incredible.
That's a, you have a standup special, you're in tires, you're going to these parties.
No, I can't say that I am.
This is not my comfort zone.
I don't want to be there.
Get comfortable.
It was funny.
Because this is your zone now.
Next year's the white party.
Start picking out your, you can wear those shoes.
Did you see what they sent as invitations for the white party. Start picking out your shoes. You can wear those shoes. Did you see what they sent as invitations
for the white party?
No.
It was like you got a personalized pair
of Travis Scott white Air Force 1s.
Really?
And then like a cool piece of artwork, drawing, whatever.
Really?
It was pretty sick.
That is sick.
But some people were wearing cream.
I think someone had some pink in their jacket.
Yeah, you don't want to be the guy at the white party in cream.
No.
You stand out heavy. I saw a couple guys like that and I was like, you know they're there being like, I thought this was white.
It looks white in the mirror. I don't know what the fuck.
It looks white against my wardrobe.
What the fuck?
Is there any paint or something? Some white out? You dick me in white out?
There are some people who they're who you're like how the fuck is this guy keep getting
how does like Grant Williams and Mo Bomba keep getting invited to the white party?
It must be the life of the party. I think you have to have a good appearance because I think
Dave had a bad appearance right? And they said said they take off the top or the bottom 10% every year
Yeah, cuz Dave didn't get invited again because he brought multiple people. No, they he tried to bring he tried to get a plus four
Yeah, plus three
Silvana was back though. Yeah, of course. I
Actually saw her at the surf lodge. No, you didn't. Yeah. You really did? Yeah. I went up and said hi.
Did you?
She was so sweet.
Did you know who she was?
Or did she know who you were around?
I didn't know if she knew who I was.
I knew who she was and then she knew who I was.
Cause I met her at your,
I met her at the Barstool Awards,
the thing at the House of Blues.
Yes.
That's where I met her.
Very nice.
Great time.
Yeah.
Should be the 21st Barstool Award soon. Wonder if we'll be up for anything.
Are they gonna have a 21st?
I don't think so.
I'm quite sure that they will not.
Good shit.
Alright boys.
Wow. It's been, we all had a good week.
Yeah. Very good week.
What the fuck is this?
Very different weeks. I got a new phone. It doesn very good week. Yeah, what the fuck is very different ones making noise
I got a new phone
It doesn't like when I click the off like it doesn't go to blank you probably got to fix it in the settings
Yeah, I'll handle it with you after this. Thank you, bro. You're my tech guy
Tech guy sass I'm gonna be in Austin this weekend Austin, Texas
Oh shows of the Vulcan
Austin, Texas. Oh, mother ship?
Four shows of the Vulcan.
It's gonna be hot.
Vulcan.
Stab mother ship.
That's gonna be hot.
Tickets at littlesasswatchwebsite.com.
See the sass, he's opening for Brendan Shaw about there.
Yep.
Should be dope.
Should be fun.
Killers only.
Are you going down?
For that?
Yeah.
I'm not.
Because you could probably just go
and pop in at the mother ship.
Yeah, I could do.
Well, you're past.
Yeah, exactly.
That's why he could pop in. Yeah. Because sass trying to piggyback on the joke when I've never been there
I'm been to Austin since it opened you can go yeah, you have oh
Together oh yeah, that was right when it opened yeah when Francis got passed. I'll send a note to Adam Egan. Yeah, that'd be awesome
Just make sure you ask him to tell you stories about norm
What are you gonna do down there?
Because that's his favorite thing.
I'm gonna do my shows and go to the mothership and say the M word on stage and get the standing ovation.
The pendulum is back!
It's fully back!
You're riding a pendulum like fucking Miley Cyrus in the Wrecking Ball video.
We just swung the pendulum.
You want to take a bunch of Bud Lights and throw them in the trash can
and go, we didn't forget.
Yeah.
That's the last thing you want to do down there, bro.
You can burn Mulvaney in effigy, but don't say anything about Bud Light.
Bud Light's pendulum swung back on its own.
That's true. Sure did. Show some fucking respect. Pushed with great strength by Shane Gillis. Yeah, exactly.
He's the puppeteer of the pendulum.
Alright, go see Sass. Frances, any dates? Yeah, we have a bunch in the fall. Sass and I are coming to
Cleveland, Rochester, Kansas. We've got Rochester, Kansas, couple spots. I've got a few others. I'll be in Austin in September.
On and on.
I'm gonna be in Ohio a lot. I think I'm doing
Cleveland, Cincinnati, and Columbus.
Wow. Cool.
Alright.
That's Son of a Boy, Dad.
And we're gonna now...
Tune into the Mukbang. We're about to eat a bunch of candy. Yes. I's the son of a boy, Dad. And we're gonna now tune into the mukbang.
We're about to eat a bunch of candy.
Yes, I gotta pee really bad.
Alrighty, we'll see you guys on Thursday.
Goodbye.
Cool. Was over, still, still underground
So, I looked older, till you came around
I was only falling one way I was only falling one way
Days were drifting
Before I was I