Son of a Boy Dad - SAM TALLENT | Son of a Boy Dad #177

Episode Date: February 27, 2024

SAM TALLENT | Son of a Boy Dad #177 -- Watch Sam's Special: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0eIUA1jfEk0 -- Watch Sam's Travel Show: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byVWrUQx9_o -- Subscribe to his YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@samtallent -- Follow us on our socials: https://linktr.ee/sonofaboydad -- Buy our merch: https://store.barstoolsports.com/collections/son-of-a-boy-dad -- SUBSCRIBE TO OUR YOUTUBE #SonOfABoyDad #BarstoolSportsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, Son of a Boy Dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Hey, Francis. It's very nice to meet you, man. Yeah, how are you? Look, I'm a big fan. Oh, me too. Hey, that's very good.

Get over here. Don't get up, all right? See you down there. How's it going? Good, man. Hey, Dad, what's going on? How are you? I'm around. Pleasure. Hi. You, Ted. What's going on? Come around.

A pleasure. Hi. You come around. It's good to see you. Thank you for having me back. Can we get you anything? Do you need a second to decompress between? No, no.

Let's get in this. Let's blast. Hell, yes. Let's blast. Let's blast. Let's blast all. Let's blast and cast. Oh, yeah.

Here we are. How are you feeling? You good? Brother? How was KFC? You good? Brother? How was KFC and the internet and everything? It was very fun. Nice. It went very long.

Really? Yeah. They're milking you. They're milking your funny ass. Yeah, and they didn't even use any hand balm. My nips are chapped. I'm ruined. Do we use these?

Or is this a trick you play on the guests? It's stupid. You can use them. It's your call. I usually do, but I feel like the last couple pictures of me, I've looked like a goofball in them. How do I look, lovesack Leroy? Jeez. I'll wear them.

I feel like you have an autoimmune disease. I'll only work there if I get to be in the sack all day. Speed elevated. Yes. All Yes Alright let's get into it We good to go? Alrighty welcome back to the son of a boy dad podcast Today it is February 21st And we are here with Sam Talent

Hello Hello We're all doing fake deep voices to impress are you a female listener hopefully you're soaked by the timbre of my own voice do you uh is this your first time meeting francis yeah it is yeah yeah and people i i really admire your your your funny and also your intellect one time on Matt and Shane, you said the word replete. And I was like, this guy's legit. Wow.

Yeah. I remember listening to you on there and I was like, replete. So immediately I was like, well, I don't want to like him now. Because if you spot it, you got it. I'm always using words like that, correct usage of words because they're concrete tools. So yeah. But then I listened to you more and I was like this guy's fucking great oh man that's that is uh i can't return the compliment quicker quick enough uh i know i know of you and i've watched your special i haven't read your book

but everyone speaks of it like it's a bible it's a good book uh and i'm very keen to so uh great to have you on and great to meet you glad to be be here. And of course, come on, Seth. What's up, dude? Who flipped you onto your belly when you got sick? The dog. All right. Yeah, of course. This motherfucker in Old Veggie.

Woo-hoo! He got sick? No, no, but I think he was on his way. I was trying to think. I was like, did I get? I was like, I don't know if I did get sick. I think you came up big that weekend. Yeah? You were stacking fat Chetty.

Oh, I did, yeah. Yeah. Really? I want a shit ton of wopped up yeah like use words come on well everyone was gambling at the uh at the circa place and um and everyone lost and i won every single bet you were and i felt bad yeah yeah it's not fun when you're winning everything and everyone else is losing you lift the hundred dollar bill you lifted my shirt up. You slapped my belly with it. So there's your pig tax, mutant.

Yeah, you felt really bad. What were you playing? What were you winning? No, it was Sunday. We were betting on football. Oh, got it, got it. You paid the pig tax. Yeah.

I did, yeah. And I went there with Colm the night before. I remember I placed my bets. And I remember my biggest bet was I had the Bills beating the Dolphins. And everyone was like, you're crazy. There there's no way and they won 48 to 20 yeah damn yeah and we all celebrated no one was jealous or petty about it and they're all so happy for you everyone was really thrilled the wunderkind seeing through time and space yeah i'm tailing you this year if they welcome you back yeah that would be nice. He's probably banned from the casinos.

I think so. He's the bookie beater. Yeah, he took them. He took them for all they had. Yeah, they're going to put me in one of those big ass rooms. Vegas is broke now. Yeah. Because of sass.

Are you a sports better? I love sports gambling. Really? Football specifically, but I'll dabble in basketball. But yeah, yeah. The Nuggets have won me a lot of money the last couple years, dude. I forgot that you're a big Nuggets fan. Yeah, you mean a fan of the best basketball player in the world?

Damn. Yeah, it's tough. Don't get me started on this. It's tough rooting for him. Don't get me started on this. What, you don't believe that? MB took him to the woodshed the last two years. MB won't play in Denver, bro.

He's a baby. He's a coward. Why would he play in Denver, dude? Because he doesn't want to get hosed by the goat. He hosed the goat, and then he took his time off. He took a baby. He's a coward. Why would he play in Denver, dude? Because he doesn't want to get hosed by the goat. He hosed the goat, and then he took his time off. He took a little vacation. They played, what, twice? He hasn't played over there in four years.

Twice in the last two years, and he put up numbies. Yeah, well, too bad that he's not a team player who gives a shit about anyone else. I know. I don't know. He's hurt now, so I don't want to speak ill of the injured. Also, I don't want to throw down any gauntlet. I enjoy you, but come on jesus christ grow up we got fucking fork tongue over there already pissing me off god no i really don't like mb thank god we have francis here to calm you down

your vocal counterpart i mean i don't want to get in the way of all this goats and hoes talk yeah say a big word and assuage him a little bit. Well, I was going to ask, do you think that Embiid winning MVP last year was a DEI sort of correction for Jokic winning? They don't want Jokic to be the face of the league. I mean, this guy is

an excellent sports star, but he doesn't have a single endorsement deal. You know what I mean? Because he hates basketball. He doesn't hate basketball. He's disaffected. No, he's multif multifaceted he's not defined by one thing he's disaffected what is he what else is he defined by horse racing taking his shirt off i did he wanted to stay on parade do they sell canned borscht in america we can put his face on yeah he's selling some kind of hair growth tonic yeah dude he's uh i just don't understand why we don't get behind him he's a generational talent he does make everyone better

he sees the court as well and he seems like he has a great time in serbia in the off season i was looking up serbian vacations because he makes it seem like it's incredible to go over to serbia and just have like a fun off season standing on chairs whipping your napkin around that kind of vibe if you have like 12 american dollars and a flute you're the mayor of serbia i've been to serbia i can tell you right now have you been there no i've been to bradislava as close as i got it it is not a place that i would recommend if you are visiting that region i heard it's the worst or it's the second worst country behind egypt really really i feel like egypt i would go to egypt ahead of serbia no mogadishu significantly better than egypt and serbia who said that pirates.com it was the pirates.com

what's so bad about serbia yeah serbia we went and it they they do these big meat menus. You do a lot of meat and no matter what you eat, you get sick. Period. Just any kind of meat. Like a foge to chow meat? That's pretty much how I live right now. Just in America, everything I eat, I shit out instantly. Just meat menus? Yeah.

You're crushing meat like that? I respect it. But they said that the people there are like uh overconfident it was like what i yeah is that true yeah and i i don't think you'd want to go with uh your wife because for whatever reason it just seems like the gender ratio in the country is nine to one that one of those countries where the women aren't allowed to do things? No, no. I don't think it's like that. It's just that the men approach women the way that, you know, where you're like, did you just grope my wife in front of me?

Yeah, I did. And they just have a screwdriver broken off at the hill. Yes. Yeah, we went to like some Serbian dance club after the show in bradislava because one of the comics owned the bar and we walk in and they're listening like serbian punk rock herzog herzog of indian punk rock too but i was like with my wife and he was like yeah head on a swivel mate all these men have blades they're serbs they're dogs all right well thanks for inviting me to your place you own it seems great in here they're dogs we drove um we drove from montenegro up through bosnia and then on into croatia

and we had my buddy had bought a shirt for a soccer team you know just some cheap shirt uh of a serbian team yeah and we got out in it was apparently he was fine to wear in montenegro we got out in croatia and split that he opened his door stood out and a guy got off a motorcycle so and goes take that off right now and my buddy was like what and And then the guy realized he was American, just a dumb tourist. He was like, listen to me. You need to take that shirt off immediately or someone's going to attack you right now.

So he had to take his shirt off in the street. And he was rock hard the whole time. You're going to have to take it off me. Remove it from me. I've been chastised. Yeah, no. Croatia, by the way, great work on the coast. Yeah.

They took the whole coastline. Yeah, that was so crazy. What country is engulfed in the middle of there? What is that? Is that Serbia? So Serbia is north of it. It's like, isn't it Serbia, Croatia, Bosnia and Herzegovina, and then Montenegro? So what's inside the sea, though?

Is there one of them that's inside the sea? I think you're right. Is that Slovenia? I don't know. Or Slovenia north? I'll take a look. Yeah, but it totally just cock-blocked the coastline for one of these countries. I got a little Slolovak in my blood not

slovene but i have some slovak slovenia is north is it i had a blast yeah really yeah i had a really good time there what kind of beautiful is it like mountainous or uh no i mean i was i was in the cities but man the natural wine that they produce some of the oldest wine in the world everyone's drinking these real cloudy like orange wines all day it was just fucking great they say that slovenia is going to be the next breakout country like eu rising right big for digital nomads too yep yeah they really good wi-fi and it's cheap so a lot of people move there to like you know help destabilize south american governments from afar that's awesome that. That's awesome. That rules. Good Wi-Fi.

That's really all you want in life. That's, like, truly my biggest, like, still. Like, I have such fast Wi-Fi right now, and I live by myself, and I'm like, this is everything I've ever wanted in my life. And you're living in filth. Yeah. Is to have, like, good Ethernet Wi-Fi where I can download a game in two minutes. I feel like this is your house.

Yeah. That's what it looks like. It's just Loack larry and the million dollar dream over there yeah wi-fi is so clutch yeah sorry i'm sorry bosnia is the country that has sort of been boxed out of the coast damn that sucks so bad for them yes i have to have a passport to go get your dip on that sucks yeah you have to and what that used to be yugoslavia what was that whole yes it was the you the block of yugoslavia all those countries were one yugoslavia but then the all that stuff happened in the early 90s which i've never are you up on that whole um genocide that's one of the lesser known ones hey potato patata you know i want to still sell tickets over there uh depending on

what's most convenient to me yes yeah uh no i'm not but i remember uh remember when fucking clinton bombed the shit out of one of those places yes he was not lauded for his handling of the ethnic serbs right uh war i have my freshman year of college there was a bunch of bosnians in the class yeah and i was like someone brought up bill clinton and i was like he was pretty cool and they were like he murdered everybody yeah they carpet bombed my people and turned them to dust and ash you're like quiet down vladi divas all right take it easy over there buddy yeah you and your brother hated each other bloody diva yeah no i'm not up on as far as genocides are concerned they need better pr

yeah yeah they didn't do a very good job i mean the rwandan genocide got a lot more press a lot of buzz a lot more because there was a good movie good movie i think that's the key i thought it was a little much when they gave that genocide JFL. I think that was a bit much. The industry needs to know. This young upstart. The hottest new genocide. New faces of genocide.

Yeah, new faces, and the guy literally had a new face every fucking minute. Just skinned off a victim. Child soldiers. Yeah. Unbelievable. But, dude, so you had an awesome special that came out thank you if you're talking about people throwing around words dude in the middle of your special you're just throw you're just sprinkling coquettish in there yeah just a random coquettish and it was

off the it was off the cuff i don't even think it was plant i think that it was just uh you're just sprinkling in beautiful language so that's why i mean you and francis had to get along but also your travel show yeah it's just it's just coming out just came out today man yeah yeah i gotta watch that it's on youtube subscribe to my youtube and watch wide world tokyo riffs and see me sweat and that's pretty much it tokyo in july it was like 100 degrees 100 humidity and it's just me and my fat friend just bumping around, just dehydrated and confused. No one speaks English. Yeah, I just saw that the worst times to go are June when it's super rainy and then July and August when it's just hot as fuck.

It's horrific, dude. It was bad? I blew it so bad. We were just guzzling gallons of Picari sweat. You know about Picari sweat? Yes, dude. I used to get it at the fucking shitty oh my god it's like this cloudy uh like it is is it what it's like a water is an electrolyte drink or yeah it's come it's coming it's it's very common opaque yes indeed yeah it's viscous yeah cloudy yeah yeah like an approaching storm. Yeah. What's that Midwestern water that's cummy? It's got a slime to it.

Huh? It's like a water brand in the Midwest. I forget what it's called. It's the one with the mountains on it. Aquafina? No, no. Aquafina. Oh, Ozarks?

No. I'll look it up. It's cummy water? It's cummy as fuck. Is it Gatorade Storm or something like that? No, no, no, no. I love Gatorade. Was it cum?

It could have been cum. It could have been cum, yeah. God, you're always getting pranked out there. Fat man from Iowa's cum. Yeah. The Pocari Sweat's cool because it tastes like the white part of the bomb pop. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah.

It's one of the best flavors there is. Dude, I haven't thought about Pocari Sweat in 15 years. Get sponsored. Yeah, we need to get Pocari. Get a pallet of it in here. Yeah, yeah. Is Pocari Sweat in 15 years. Get sponsored. Yeah, we need to get Pokari. Get a pallet of it in here. Yeah, yeah. Is Pokari Sweat, is it Japanese?

Is it? Yeah. Is it? Yeah. Interesting. So what did you do over there? Is there, were you in Tokyo the entire time? Is it, how long did you spend in Tokyo?

What were you, what was there to do in Tokyo that's really fun? Because I'm sure there's a fucking ton. Oh, Tokyo is the future, man. It's Blade Runner. It's so much fun.'s just uh as soon as you walk out the door first everyone's japanese because it's it's one of the it's one of the most whimsical ethnostates this world has to offer and then uh yeah you walk around i mean everything you do there feels like you're in some kind of cartoon there's like a cat hologram that's like 50 stories we visited a gundam three-story tall gundam and hey when i tell you that what do you think a good time wrong sass it barely moved

really pointed to the sky where i wanted to be what is that what's a gundam i don't even know that's a giant robot that i think is supposed to protect japan against space war they love robots over there yeah and they have one in yokohama and it's three stories tall and every day they do the gundam show and i thought it was gonna at least shoot some confetti or something but no you just see this robot that's like attached to all this rigging and then they play this big show and it just slowly puts its finger up and all the japanese are moved to tears do they really do they see it every day i saw people crying and they see it they see it like it's just in the city well you have to buy tickets to attend oh i thought it was just something that they all gather around and cry at every single day no i mean if it was in public i think that it would be you know revered

like a shrine yeah shrines these people that'd be kind of horrifying to have a massive weapon just in the center of the city well yeah it's not even like actually for defense. There's all this lore behind it. And I was with a dork, and he was like, we got to go to the gun. I was like, whatever you want. Whatever you want to do, Augie. It'll be great, pal. I want to go to the jerk-off parlors.

Let's go see a robot point. Are they very nice to you over there? Yeah. I mean, the service is immaculate. If you're allowed in. Oh, are japanese only you'll go to any place and they'll go what with the x because they don't want to be bothered by you fucking bumping around the menu is that is that because if you were dressed to the nines and it was they thought is it some kind of like are they discerning that you might not be a guest they want or good question because when i was with my wife you know and she was over there

letting them slap she was brawless the whole time we were never turned away interesting i never thought about that yeah my wife dumped for them aggressively right this way man yeah open door they carried her in on a chair. I thought that was weird. As long as they're so used to seeing... My buddy's just slaked in her own grease. A different experience. But a lot of places are eager to have you but they don't speak any English.

Complete language barrier. How does that work? How do you even navigate that? Google Translate. It's very cool. Google, you can just scan the page and it'll translate it in real time. there's a google you can just scan the page and it'll translate it in real time that's a game changer dude i did that with our driver in puerto rico and 10 minutes into the trip he was like dude i'm completely fluent in english and then i was like oh holding your phone to his face sorry

well i think that some of those dudes think that you want to like they this guy likes the show you know and they put it on uh well i see not francis you know and then he's like burger king or arbus just tell me quit saying hamburguesa you know what that is i grew up in san antonio yeah i'm asking where the library i had a goPuff guy recently who showed up and he didn't speak any English and there was a problem with the order and we had to go back and forth, Google Translate. Yeah. Just at my door while I was in my pajamas. It did not work well.

And this is the future that we fought for. It is. It is you arguing over not getting enough hoisin with some man who walked through the Sonoran Desert. It is really, it is like kind of humiliating i i got a notification from uber eats the other day and i screenshotted it said uh it said muhammad is like the one on his way with your order he said it's on his way with your order so that you can stay cozy and warm during the snow oh and i was just picturing him just battling

the elements, bringing me a fucking cheeseburger. He's getting attacked by hawks. Yeah. And you're mad because you can't get out of the lobby on Call of Duty. Get a game going. And then he calls you and he's just, Luege. 2D.

2D. Bring it to 2D That's literally every single day Yeah I mean dude Go outside He doesn't wanna I am

I'm making my own meals now Which is good You live in one of the great Continental cities of the world I know Hit the streets bro I'm just lazy own meals now, which is good. You live in one of the great continental cities of the world. I know. Hit the streets, bro. I'm just lazy as fuck. Yeah.

Yeah. That's okay. Did you go anywhere other than Tokyo, I'm assuming? I went with my wife. We went at the beginning of last year, and we went to... Fuck. We went to Kyoto, and we went to Osaka as well. Yeah. Osaka's the separate island, right?

You have to fly there? No, it's Okinawa. Okinawa, excuse me. You know a lot of good Japanese stuff. I would love to go. You should go. I'm dying to go. I'm scared because I don't think I know how to slurp noodles right.

Isn't there a way that they slurp noodles where it's like, this is how you slurp noodles? The louder you are, the more respectful you're being. You're letting them know that you're eager to get those noodles in your mouth you're being serious i'm dead serious yeah and you'll sit down you'll be like oh it's a nice ramen spot and then just so did you pig out when you were having noodles out of like respect you were i picked out last night in alphabet city you think i didn't just hoping that a japanese guy walked by hoping they caught wind of your slurp you brought the noise home with you yeah yeah my wife's like uh i know i made dinner

and i appreciate you enjoying it but if you want to have sex later stop you gotta be a little louder yeah yeah no i ate a bunch dude i ate so much i really enjoy eating. Yeah. As evidenced by my carapace. And isn't there, they have like Mario Kart like tours of the city as well. Did you do that? No, no. The cars kept exploding. The tires shot off. I blinded a man. I should go back for litigation.

No, I didn't do any of that stuff. But the subway system is like one of the most amazing feats of human engineering, dude. There's a train like every three minutes, no matter what. And you can get all over Tokyo so simply. And there's like rival because it's not like the state doesn't own all the lines. So they've opened it up to competition. And now they're like innovating. And it's really fucking amazing, dude.

And it's like respectful and quiet. And you don't like sniffle or you don't like sneeze or whatever. You don't sneeze. You know, they really hate when you got the mirrors on the tips of your shoes. That's frowned upon generally. Look at some blurry vaginas. Yeah, very good. You've done your research.

Dude, I watched something this morning. I was walking from the subway into the office and i was staying i was walking behind a a crazy guy just a crazy guy yeah but he was a crazy red-headed white guy and those are the scariest cons he looked like he was wearing you know the the outfit you'd expect like a line cook to wear at like a salty diner so sort of deep heavy scrubby pants and then like a lined overcoat and then uh he he sort of had the hair i almost i actually took a video of him but uh you did yeah let's see it you want to see it yeah he kicked over a trash can um in front of a you know you can just watch this guy i followed him for a little bit because i thought he was

going to do something straight up followed him yeah he was he was doing violent stuff this is like you had like a gopro strapped to your chest this is like that video that they took of the girl walking through the city and they were showing all the dudes looking at her he kicked over a full trash can uh violently so i was kind of concerned he was going to do something really bad and I just had this instinct of like I I can't preemptively stop him so I want to document it so that the family he

hurts can have evidence but it was funny because it kicked over this trash can directly in front of the most Swedish family I've ever seen. Clearly a family that was on holiday, on vacation. This is right on 7th Ave, too. So it's like they probably got off at Penn Station and they're immediately seeing the Joker walking around.

I just couldn't help but think, like three blonde kids. He looks exactly like the Joker. That is exactly right. With no makeup. That's who I thought it was. And I couldn't help but think, like, imagine coming from, you know, spotless, pristine Sweden where their subway system is very similar to the one you just described. Getting out and just the first thing you see is like. Like, let's go back

can we go to the M&M store oh no that man's eating his own feet oh papa he's covering his hand he's running it through his hair I wanted to tell them like go to Boston next time or just stay away from anything above

Penn Station do you feel the responsibility to show them a good time after that? Or be, like, really nice to them? Or, like, give them directions? Or, like, be like, hey, everyone's not like this? Or you just throw them to the wolves? I don't know. I don't know.

I did feel embarrassed. Yeah? I felt, like, a citizenship embarrassment. That this, you know, that's just so... i don't know if they were warned of that to sam's point i'm sure that they were their dreams of new york city where it's absolutely not that there's no way that people are going i feel like people think of new york and they're like this is where dreams come true that's what i'm saying exactly yeah like they were like oh we're gonna go to the place the birth of frank sinatra, and we'll see where he lived, and we'll see a Broadway show,

and we'll have a pizza pie. Big apple. A pizza pie, yeah. Yeah, a big pizza pie. We'll see Jerry Seinfeld bickering at a diner. Yes. Yeah. And then instead it's the World War Z.

Yeah. For the early stages. It's the apocalypse. Is Japan like that at all? Because it seems like it's very clean but then i was saw a tiktok recently that there's like in the red light district they were like be careful because they like spike drinks here but it's like i feel like that was the only time i've heard of that watch out they'll add an extra shot to your cosmo

make you a tip another 20 to your hooker i't know if people are getting shanghaied actively. I don't know if that's what you're describing. I don't know, dude. They never found a red light district. I mean, there's like blowjob parlors above the Popeye's chicken there. I saw a video of Japanese women saying that if their husband were to cheat, that it wouldn't be that big of a deal they'd be like as long as it's with a prostitute right yeah then like it's okay he's just kind of blowing off

steam because they work so hard and like the actual transactional aspects of sex are built into their society so it's like yeah you're working 14 hour days but on lunch you can go get glorified yeah it doesn't sound that bad yeah a little aperitif yeah for the men but it's fine it doesn't sound that bad yeah a little aperitif for the men but it's just like a different perspective for women in general over there like do they have like side dude Sundays over there where they can just

where the women can get blazed and glazed there's boyfriend bars for sure there's girlfriend bars but also boyfriend bars where like very pretty men will tend to you and they'll listen to you and you can have a conversation and feel seen and heard. Ah, so they want the emotional connection aspect of it. Yeah, because I think that just like these Japanese, very industrious, very hardworking, a hive mind aspect of like serve the company.

And I don't know if there's a lot of like leftover like, yeah, let's watch a couple episodes of Love is Blind, honey. I'll make that popcorn you like i got nutritional yeast i don't think that's going on i think they're coming home dead-eyed putting their suitcase on the ground kneeling to eat the bugs and then that's terrible but i ate some bugs there did you yeah yeah uh then huh what'd you eat crickets No, that's what I heard on stage. Huh? Love sack? Not here.

That's where the leg lifts amongst us. Yeah. The Delano Roosevelt's in the room. Yeah, FDR. Franklin Deli meat. Yeah, so I just think that they're all looking. They have to subsidize the fact that they work so hard, and they have to do that with the money that they earn.

Yeah, I think it's respectable. So what, do they blend the bugs into a protein bar or something like that? Oh, you're thinking of Survivor. Yeah, yeah. I'm not Bear Gryllis. I'm a man shaped like a bear. You got us confused. No, I ate crickets and I think some kind of grasshopper situation.

They put them out with beers. You can get like ants. So like salted, like a bar snack? Yeah, exactly a bar snack. Apparently they're quite nutritious. They're very good for you. And that they're a good alternative to nuts and legumes because they're so plentiful that they don't- Because they reproduce?

Yeah, they're a scourge. Crickets aren't that bad. You can get some good seasoned ones. We had those on the yak once. It was like ranch-flavored crickets. Yeah, they tasted like Chex Mix. They were really good. There's a crunch.

Yeah, there's a crunch to them. I've heard that one of the issues with Japanese culture is that everyone's very lonely. And that these- The otaku phenomenon. Yeah, there's such a fear of rejection that dating has become more and more obsolete and uh this is why their population is declining hugely and people nothing to do with those bombs we dropped yeah get over it i have this generational sadness we had to slap your hand a little bit boys i get scared when it's cloudy but yeah they are very lonely and they live more and more online lives

yeah yeah they go to those bars those for companionship uh and that's why like they'd rather pay to flirt with and have company than actually try to meet a person and have it you know be real or whatever yeah it's weird because they seem so like fortified that the thought of rejection hurting their feelings like i and i'm not trying to be uh nasty when i say this but they're kind of like automatons they're like very robotic from what i've experienced on the streets but then you hang out with them and they're fucking partying, man. Those acai super dries. You can buy just like a mixed whiskey drink in any 7-Eleven. Yeah. The 7-Eleven culture there seems incredible.

Seems like the best 7-Elevens in the fucking world. Don't get me started. Like high-end food. You're buying booze in there. They got like different flavors of Lay's chips out there. The best fried chicken is available right next to where you buy your cigarettes. Like in the thing that would usually be hot dog dog rollers they have amazing karaage just right there that fucking rules don't isolate me going amazing karaage whatever you do i have a hard enough time

i'm not looking pretentious don't get me with my eyes swimming in my head thinking about chicken roll those things back all the way oh my god amazing yeah man so uh yeah like you go into the gas station you get a fucking ice cold acai super dry which is for my money the best beer in the world you get your snacks and you can just go outside and munch it right there crack them on the street then when the businessmen get a little too rowdy and they wind up ass up, people come by and they leave water and ramen next to these men sleeping on the ground. Are you serious? Yeah.

They wake up and they have to go to work the next day, so they want them to be hydrated and able to serve the state. Who wants them to be? Just like other concerned citizens? Older ladies? Who's looking after the drunk businessmen? I don't know. I've never seen who leaves the snacks, but I've definitely seen businessmen like completely

destroyed. An impish elf just going around. Yeah, that's what I was picturing. This Krampus guy flying around on a sleigh. Comes in on a longboard. With a plate of ramen. Damn. A jewel?

Are you jeweling? I am, yes. Where did you get that? I don't know. Whoa. The Ray's Deli. What. Yeah. Damn. A jewel? Are you jeweling? I am, yes. Where'd you get that? I don't know. Whoa. The Ray's Deli. What? Yeah.

The Ray's Deli? The Ray's Deli. Famous Ray's right there on 44th? No. Whenever I'm in New York, I go to Ray's Deli. There's probably a good amount of Ray's Delis. It's a good name for a deli. It's a great name.

Anyone can say it. It's easy to say. Yeah. No matter who you are, where you're from, the Swedish couple, the crazy guy, they can all say Ray's Deli. Yeah. It's easy to get your mouth around. Japanese have a tough time with it. You're right.

They think it's a potato chip brand. I was going there, too. I think we all went to that place. Yeah, didn't have to hammer it home. Someone had to be brave. So, so where else are you, are you going?

Like, where's next? You're going crazy. You want to come? That's my dad's job. Take me there. Dad, where are you going?

I want to go there. Crazy, you want to come? Yeah, where else are you traveling? Are you doing something with Donnie? Is that, is that happening

or was that just a fantasy of mine? No, no, that was a fantasy of many of us on this couch right now. Yeah? Yeah, but that has since dissolved, and I went independent with it. But Kevin, we were talking about a show, and then he gave me a little bit of money to go over and fly the boys to Japan.

He covered costs that way. Who did? Kevin Clancy. He gave you money? He gave me some money, and I have special thanks to Kevin Clancy, because I thought I was going to be going into business with y'all but um the landscape is you heard about this landscape it's ever changing what's up with this landscape hire new gardeners so anyway brutal fucking landscape that we're going can you can you give us a little more on that or is that uh i don't think i'm telling any stories out of school no not at all yeah i mean kevin when the comedy wing was was gonna happen uh he was like you want to be in business with

us and i was like i always want to do a travel show he was like that sounds great gave me like five grand we went over there we shot brutal 12-hour days in the heat like i definitely wanted to do a good job for him and then um you know, the different things were given emphasis here, and this wasn't one of the things that they wanted to emphasize. All the budget went to Glennie Ball's OnlyFans show. And hey, Glennie's doing cool stuff over there. He's doing incredible work.

Have you seen him do the egg trick? What was the egg trick? He eats a bunch of eggs. I don't know. I was just riffing? He eats a bunch of eggs. I don't know. I was just riffing. He does crush eggs. I thought it was because he always has those girls dumping tit out. So I don't know if it was like the pencil trick where you put pencil under boob and-

Crush an egg between your tits. Isn't that a thing? You can't crush an egg in a certain way. You hold it. A gentle woman's breast can't crush an egg. Yeah, if you give a dog an egg yeah they protect it you should see him scramble it that's the real show but uh yeah i don't know so like now it's just i'm i'm doing it myself but i'm very grateful

for the barstool fandom who comes to the shows with their zin tints and their backwards white hats um i appreciate you boys coming out and i'm just doing it on my own now that's dope i think that is that a fair answer yeah trying to be nebulous you know it's amazing to hear and think about all the people that we sort of had uh reached out to yeah and that are no longer you know officially i guess part of the the effort you got to make sure that Sas can get food delivered 24-7. Yeah. Yeah. But I've long admired Juan Tondon. He's like, he's-

Did you see what happened yesterday with him? Yeah. Oh, yeah. That shit was fucking terrifying. Oh, dude. Opening the door. Very scary. Also, it's scary enough to be in Albuquerque.

Yeah. That's dark. New Mexico is a dark place to drive through. At least I've never flown through there. Yeah. That's dark. New Mexico is a dark place to drive through. Albuquerque is a cartel-owned UFC fighting hotspot where they literally have skinwalkers on the highway. Yeah. Which are ancient ghosts in the Navajo tradition or whatever. And it's a heavy place, man. My grandma's from northern New Mexico, so I spent a lot of time down there.

Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. It's gnarly. So is that where the Navajo are from? No, no. I just said one of the gang's names but you know yeah that's what the navajo called themselves didn't they yeah yeah the people i did a show where it was all indigenous people and then i went up at the end as the token white and i just opened by being like because the whole theme of the show was uh i'm living my ancestors wildest dreams

that was what they all would say pack show of all indigenous in denver and i went up and i was like i think my ancestors would be pretty pissed to see what i'm up to tonight they did a lot to keep you guys from living any dreams and now i'm opening the door being like get in get in yeah yeah exactly and they did not laugh but i only had to do 40 more minutes yeah bro him him uh having to i mean i i guess he he had enough time to take a picture after subduing the guy so i don't know how involved donnie was with the yeah you think he was first line of defense of he said him and five other dudes i mean dude this has been my fantasy for so long to be on a flight near uh a ne'er-do-well a wayward person yeah and to utilize the seat belt to subdue them yeah i mean i've i've thought about it a lot that's why i always

ask for the extender even though you don't need it that's exactly right down beast yeah wrap around my fist like bonanza i was very jealous i was very jealous of donnie that he got to experience this firsthand yeah um do you think when you're you think when you're about to try and open the door on the plane, you know, something you preplanned like before you were boarding that plane or you think it's something something ticked you off and you're like, I'm going to open this fucking door. Seems like I'm going to catch them. I got to get some air. You're out of pretzels. Yeah.

Fucking out of here. Yeah. My AC duct isn't working. My air nipple is broken. Yeah. I need a breeze. I feel like it's a moment of like psychosis probably

yeah that's tough it's a tough time to go through but I mean we were saying that you should hire someone if you want to have that valor just get a vagrant you should have got the guy who's walking and stumbling around ahead of you I have a business opportunity for you

you get a flight to Albany that's a guy that would definitely got you an emergency exit seat ahead of you. I have a business opportunity for you. You get a flight to Albany. That's a guy that would definitely pick up that offer. Got you an emergency exit seat. You're getting so comfy up there. Yeah. Have you ever seen a belt fight? Have you ever seen anyone utilize a belt in a rumble? No. It's like a menacing thing.

You take off the belt and you start snapping it. You snap it or you can also make it into a noose as if you're a dog catcher. Yeah. Or like a mace. You kind of like get the end of it. Use the buckle. I was in San Francisco one time and I was in front of my friend David Borey's house and we were smoking weed. And then across the street, we saw these two guys start to tussle and a dude pulls his belt out and wraps it around his fist.

And the other guy pulls out a fucking Bowie knife. And the guy with the knife is like, put belt away pussy put the belt away and the guy with the belt around his head turns to us and says put the knife away he looks at us like as he's engaged in mortal combat yeah put the knife away put the belt's great you guys were watching smoking weed yeah it was great right there man damn san francisco rules san francisco is the best man i mean the city has changed a lot back like 2008 when it was still kind of grimy it was a fun place to be a young man with 20 dollars to your name i think it's still grimy uh i think that the down like cbd of uh fucking san francisco is just completely abandoned now.

No one's working in all those tall office buildings. You ever done to the punch line? You ever done the punch? No, we did Cobbs there last year. Were you guys just in Denver? Yeah, it was amazing. How'd that go? Awesome.

Awesome. It was incredible. I heard good reports from the bartender there. He was bummed out that he couldn't get that anniversary crew neck that you got. I wanted the crew neck. Sorry, man. They were sold out. They didn't have any more?

Yeah. They always have that dumb fucking zip-up hoodie. They had the zip-up, yeah. I actually like the zip-up hoodie guy. You have a good zip-up body. I like that one. I like it a lot. I was actually pleased it was a zip-up.

Really? That's like Zuckerberg going into a meeting late vibes. I said, yeah, I said if I wore a zip-up, I'd look like Michael Cera in Superbad. Yeah, yeah. to a meeting late vibes i said yeah i said if i wore a zip up i'd look like michael cera and super bad yeah yeah i find that zip ups are the only hoodies that i can wear the hood over my head where it actually fits correctly where it's got that sort of narrowing down to the neck because you have broad ass shoulders and a beautiful pectoral yeah it's tough being an adonis isn't it well whenever i wear the hoodies with the with that are not zip up it it just kind of it just doesn't it doesn't narrow it doesn't hug your bell curve over my head what did you say

doesn't hug your deltoids right i don't like the pleating at the bottom of the uh the zip up hoodie you know what i mean yeah probably bunches yeah I don't like that because then that will wind up right. It just bisects my navel, you know? And you've got just like a, hey, who wants Subway? The dough's rising. I was saying that Comedy Works should make their zip-up putties like the old Bape ones where they go all the way up. Yeah, yeah. That would be cool.

To the front face. It's just like a laughing emoji. I've been pushing for- Would you go to sleep? I've been pushing for letter jackets from Comedy Works for a long time. Oh, really? Yeah, like if you're on the paid list you get a letter jacket. That'd be cool

And I've actually designed various letter jackets That's one of my many hobbies. They won't and they won't instate them? No no And I went as far to like hit up some of my friends and I was like what if we all had letter jackets with our names on the back and they're like you're 36

Let it go you freak yeah i definitely got fucking shot down there it would be sweet though they tried to start that here you could be like the jesters you know you could have like the cut the tragedy mask on the front you know earning a jacket i think is that that used to be a very cool thing for sure when we had rough and rowdy uh which is like our amateur boxing competition yeah the before barstool was involved all that you got for winning your fight was a jacket they would have radio adverts and they'd be like come on down to rough and rowdy winner gets a jacket and like people were coming from far and wide to to just earn their jacket like and you

walked around with your jacket and it was a symbol of pride. Jackets are, I think that's like a nice like notch in the belt. They tried to start a jacket thing here and it was called the Barstool Beasts jacket. And it was like if you were like one of the top employees of the month, you got to get the Barstool Beasts jacket. Yeah, I'm hearing you say it

lets me know how stupid I was. What if we're like the Jokers? Dollar sign for the S. I was all for it. I really was. I liked the idea. It was a zip-up hoodie. You got 500 bucks on top of it, and I was like, this is awesome.

And everyone just mocked it because people do that. Any idea, let's just stomp on it. But you wouldn't wear that. You wouldn't, for instance, you would never leave your house in a barstool. I'm not saying I would have worn it. I'm not saying I would have worn it, but I would have been proud to receive it, to earn it. That's one that you got to just leave in the Uber on the way home. Yeah, Dan Soder gave me some basketball cards from the Nuggets yesterday after his pod,

and I literally left them in an Uber. I was like, you know what? Stay over there, Alex English. I'll be okay. Kiki Vandeway. Yeah, dude. Fucking beat it. I have a bachelor party coming up in Denver, and I need some recommendations.

First of all, congratulations. No, it's not mine. Oh. Take it back. Yeah. Just congratulations. Fuck him. Get the fuck out of here.

She's cheating. Where are you guys staying You know Right by the stadium Awesome I asked I asked Sass to go Check out the The Airbnb

And he flatly refused Do a little recon For your buddy He wanted me to go Knock on the door And see No the guy was gonna meet you It's not like you were

Knocking up like Randomly I don't think this is An actually planned thing I think you wanted me To just go over to this house And try and go inside of it no i wanted that i had it planned with a guy from the airbnb and it was the guy whose wedding it is that was like asking if you

could do it and i was like all right i'll be the middleman and you flatly refused you should have asked me that's something i would i know he did ask you you were here no and you did not do it no it was i think it was a day no it was a day that it was just me. Oh, true. It was. It was on Zoom. You would have definitely done it. I would have definitely done that. Because you're a stand-up guy. That's the type of thing I would have done. A stand-up guy.

I also like to adventure. Yeah, yeah. I like to do that. You know what we did in Denver is we went to the Red Door? Yeah, yeah. That place, that Russian bar that has all the vodka. Yeah, yeah. And you order a carafe of vodka, ice cold, and then they slice a bunch of pickles for you.

Yeah, yeah. In the pickleback situation. Have you done this? Yeah. Do they still have the ice bar? I don't know. On weekends back in the day, they would hose down a bar and freeze it. Yeah, I've done this.

Yeah, it was great. It's so fun. Yeah. Is it the thing where you get five minutes for a certain amount and you can drink as much vodka as you want? No. It's a fever dream that you had. Nope. There was a bar in the east village where you could go in you you'd pay like a hundred dollars and as many of you and your friends as you wanted could go in or as many as could fit

very small maybe the size of uh you know a changing room or a tokyo tavern yep and you would put on one of those parkas with the fur and there was probably 50 different types of vodka on the shelves all around freezing in there and it was you could drink as much vodka as you wanted in five minutes for that hundred dollars oh my god it's a risky yeah that sounds like that could get out of hand you had to sign a release i mean just chugging vodka pretty much how much how much did you drink? Do you remember? I mean, I got to a point where I probably had like four shots and I was like, I don't,

this is a bad, this is when you realize it's a bad deal. 30 minutes later, you're going to be blacked out. Why would I want more than that in five minutes? You pay $100 for alcohol poisoning. Yeah. That's good. And that's $25 a shot. Like, that's not like a good deal.

Yeah. There was a kid I went to high school with who would go out. Total, 100% of the people. That's not bad. Not each. That's actually not a bad deal. I think five of us went in. My one friend was like, we got to keep going.

We're like, dude, we'll see you tomorrow. The guy who doesn't even drink, but he loves a bargain. We're being fiscally irresponsible if we don't get more shots. The coupon mom just getting shit face who knows if we'll ever find a deal like this again i think in denver for your bachelor party um is it gonna be horny is it a horny bachelor party um everybody's everybody's my age so like 35 ish and like probably about half are married so i'd say i'd say moderately horny so you're gonna go to a strip

club probably a strip club it's not gonna be every night it's not gonna be but it'll probably as a rite of passage we'll hit a strip club let me tell you this right here here's a perfect evening you go to um santa fe is one of the major north south three ways in denver and all like right around the same place federal's a little bit to the west you go to federal and you go to the steakhouse whose names escape me but you walk in and it looks like a diner and you pick a cut of meat and they grill it in front of you and there's some onions but it's very very like uh not dignified you feel like you're like gonna go back to work at the plant as soon as you're done with your meal yes you pre-game there you you do that and then you go down to the paper tiger pts which constantly

has different names and ownership but it's it like i think mississippi and santa fe and that place is to dare i say lit are you serious i said the function last time I was here. I'm so afraid of using vernacular. They clipped that. Bro, it's haunted me. It haunts me to this day. My sister will send that to me in the family group chat. But you caught yourself so you like self-corrected so fast. I think you would have gotten away with it.

I think the fact that you... You don't know my sister. She's pure evil. Yeah, you go to Paper Tigers and if you do that on like a Thursday, it's awesome. What is Paper Tigers? That's the strip club. Oh, it's a to paper tigers and if you do that on like a thursday well what is paper tigers that's the strip club oh it's a strip club yeah you do that uh you engage in your debauchery it's very affordable and then after that when you're soused and all lubed up then you go to denver diner for your nightcap meal that's one night do you like botanical gardens of course can you pitch the boys on a garden adventure like a daytime thing yes the denver botanical gardens up there behind cheeseman park is one of my favorite wait cheeseman park

cheeseman park which is built on a literal burial ground they keep finding human bones there what yeah and if you have any homosexuals in your ranks first of all shame on you but that's like the cruising spot man there's just dudes who park in their cars and you can go window tap and get a little, you know. So that's a cool move. But yeah, you go to Botanical Gardens and you walk down through the park and then you bar hop down Colfax. You hit the Squire Lounge. You hit the Satire Lounge.

And you just keep moving all the way down Colfax until you finally hit the city. And then you go to Civic Center Park. You buy some crystal methamphetamine. Yum. All right. Are we smoking it or are we snorting it? Well, if you can find a light. Then you go to Civic Center Park. You buy some crystal methamphetamine. Yum. All right. Are we smoking it or are we snorting it? Well, if you can find a light bulb, you're smoking.

All right. But if you don't value your sinuses. All right. Yeah, let the pigs feed. Yeah, and then you just slurp it like the Japanese noodles. That's right. And then you just keep kind of moseying down into Denver until you get back to where your Airbnb is on the west side. Fuck yes.

That's a nice day. That sounds incredible. Yeah, bar hopping on Colfax is like one of the coolest things also go to 715 club that's great that's in five points which is where the harlem of the west was located it was like jazz and it was cool and it was pop and now it's all like cupcake shops for dogs that's cool that kind of thing that's cool very gentrified you go to 715 club you get soused there um yeah dude this is good that was a lot of recommendations yeah yeah it's not good for anyone who's listening but you and i yeah and my my uh my friend who's having the bachelor party yeah dude he'll be excited about this he'll be thrilled weed do yeah that that's why he picked it because he wanted the

like the sober or the alcohol sober friends to have a safe spot you go to good chemistry you get an ounce of the finest flour for the price at colfax and logan get a fine ounce of great bud and then while you're there you might as well go up to pandaria la beja and have the best torta in town they've been all right there's a great uh like a mexican population there right yeah and a vietnamese population if you guys are like foodies and you want to eat, Annette's a great restaurant. That's a fucking great spot right there. Is that Viet? No, it's not.

It's a honky-tonk joint. It's these honks. You want to fucking make you eat kale. Yeah. Yeah, Denver, the restaurants are not as good as most other places, but the city itself is vibrant if you want to get stoned. And if you guys need any mushrooms, call your boy yeah game respects game because mushrooms are decriminalized there and uh yeah you can you can munch some fucking hongos and just enjoy your day having a mushroom

connecting a in a new city is yeah always a joy honestly sincerely whatever you guys need to have a nice time in the queen city of the plains please please reach out i will use you as our sherpa yeah i just found i'm going to key west this weekend i just found a mushroom connect down there you've been to key west before never in my life oh my god you're gonna have so much fucking fun dude i've heard it rules oh my lord where are you staying you know i don't know okay you should check out key west comedy club go over there meet tom dustin fucking colin was just down there yeah it was last week and i turned it down why i don't know you don't want to have the time of your life i just i don't know i didn't know anything about it but now i'm hearing it's great it's really all i said it was a lot of old folks yeah the

shows aren't good he said the crowds but the other 23 hours of the day are a blast fair enough yeah i could use that. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, you're going to have a fucking hoot there, dude. Oh, you got to go to El Cachon and get the goddamn pork with the skin on it? Holy fuck, dude. Go to Dog Beach. I mean, Key West is awesome. Yeah.

I might even have to just bother you about this specifically. Receive my phone number from me. I will. And that's for guidance. Say it now. Say it now for everyone. Where'd you get your, say it now for everyone Where'd you get your Where'd you get your shroom connecting Key West

When I was in California last night My buddy Mike said that he He met a guy named Rob Lineman who is a It's a cattle wrestler's name It is And his real name is Rob Lineman And he does drawings,

and it's like pointillism, but it's all lines. So it's like, what is it when a character's name, it's nominative determinism. Is that a thing? Where your name determines what you do? Oh, okay. I don't know. But his name is Lineman, and he does drawings that are all lines,

and he lives in a van and it's covered in line drawings. And he has everything that you need. He sounds like a guy that would have everything you need. He has everything you need. He draws lines. Well, most of the time I just sit and draw lines every day. I've worked on roads.

Worked on ballparks. I've robbed some people in my day. I've worked on roads. Worked on ballparks. I've robbed some people in my day. He's a line drawer. I would be more surprised if the line drawer didn't sell mushrooms. Yeah. I think he just has them, too. I don't even think he sells them. He just gives them away.

Yeah, I think he's just like... There are some people like that. He's just this benevolent van-driving mushroom... Hoarding. Gifter, yeah. He just is sprinkling mushrooms all over the place. And he's just this benevolent van-driving mushroom gifter. Yeah, he just is sprinkling mushrooms all over the place. You got to swim while you're down there. I heard there's sharks.

There are on the coastal side of the island, there's sharks. But if you go towards the Gulf, there's no sharks. Or it's the other way around. So good luck. Thank you, brother. They're friendly, too. Yeah, they're nice sharks the way that you fantasize about saving somebody from uh like an airplane i fantasize about saving someone from a shark attack because i hear that sharks when they're they like lock on to someone and

if someone else comes that they'll completely ignore them interesting where'd you hear that shark weekly from the sharks it was the sharks that told me. They're like, no, no, we won't get you. If a shark mistaken someone for food and then another thing approaches them that looks exactly the same, they're probably going for both. No. It's not like you're eating one cheeseburger and then another cheeseburger approaches and you're like, well, fuck that one. Get out of here. You're going to swim with a fat guy. Because you're just going to be a little nibble.

There was a, in maine we had a shark attack a lethal shark attack from a great white about four years ago yeah it was in covet and i was the only one in the state's history that was lethal i guess and everyone was talking about it and a woman who was a triathlete had been she was way out on an island and was training so she was wearing a full wetsuit all women are triathletes if you ask me let's fucking go come on sorry i'll pick that up clip this clip this oh that was great uh so she was training and she because she was wearing head-to-toe wetsuits with the hood, the booties, and everything, the shark mistook her for a seal and went up and took a bite out of her. But then because, I guess, they're so picky about what they eat, it took the bite, realized she was not seal, and then let her go.

So the shark sent her back to the kitchen? Yes. I never do this. back to the kitchen? Yes. I never do this. That was the joke I did. I was like, what shark do you know? I was like, that's not Wagyu. I've been lied to. And she died?

She died. It was taken out of her, I think, leg or torso. And she bled out and was killed. Her daughter was trying to train with her and swam out to try to save her it was really tragic uh but i feel like shark situation in in the new england is crazy i was at about i was at a beach in uh massachusetts and there was we everyone was swimming having a good time and then all of a sudden it's just like the movie it's literally just like jaws all of a sudden people are coming over the megaphone and they're like everyone out of the water now.

And there's helicopters flying over. It's crazy. It's chaos. Ooh. Yeah. That's kind of a noble way to go, though, getting eaten by an animal. That's got to be best case scenario for being a lifeguard. I'd want to be somewhere where it's shark infested.

What? So you're saving someone? No, because you get... I mean, most of the time, people aren't dying, and you get to go over the megaphone and cause chaos every now and then. You could play God. Yeah. You just want to be a puppeteer. Yeah.

You get to get out there. That's like you're in a movie. Yeah. Rather than just sitting on the beach constantly being like, no one's going to drown today. No one ever drowns. But that's when someone drowns. Yeah. Yeah.

Someone drowning would just be like, come on, man. Why were you in the water to begin with? Right, yeah. Get it together. Yeah. You see what you were wearing? Right, yeah. Get it together. Yeah. You see what you were wearing? This one's on you. Yeah.

Yeah. Fuck. Swimming 30 years old. How did you drown? You know, you're from Maine, right? Yeah. I am fucking enamored with Maine, dude. It's so beautiful up there.

The best. I had no idea. Portland is one of the great American places. It's unbelievable. Yeah. Our harbor, dude. Beautiful. Yeah.

I love it up there. There's old money up there and people don't know about it yeah but the rockefellers and the carnegies all had summer places up there in uh near acadia yeah yeah damn yeah maine slept on it is but the words the words out now portland's real estate is getting you know it's it's one of the burgeoning cities of where the dining scene is crazy like sous chefs from New York at big restaurants go up there and open

there's actually 11 Madison Parks like half their team went up and opened a place called 12 that is unbelievable one more than 11 suck it is it vegan? no and it's great even food too just

coming out dude yeah oh my god they're just crawling out great lobster yeah it's really um but yeah i mean everything everything about i wish i could it's one of those things where i wish so badly i could live there but unfortunately the comedy scene's not is the weather uh when does it when does it get warm there because isn't it like uh cold like into like june yeah that sucks june that kind of sucks yeah uh yeah because i mean you you can you can be under snow through april i remember like lacrosse season would start in march or something and we would have to go out and shovel the field to practice. Yeah.

Multiple times. I have similar memories of track and field in Colorado with that, where you're trying to throw a disc, and you can't see where the disc lands because of the snow. Yeah. Yeah. That's tough. What were you going to say?

I thought you played lacrosse. I don't know why that went through my head. No, I played man sports. I played sports for bullets. Throwing a heavy frisbee. Yeah, no no we didn't have lacrosse in colorado i thought it was what not in not in rural eastern colorado got it got high plains we didn't have lacrosse it's become a good hotbed i believe it denver for for uh lacrosse hockey states are lacrosse yeah yeah all the hockey kids play lacrosse. Hockey states are lacrosse states. Yeah, all the hockey kids play lacrosse. Yeah, but I'm from the part that's near Kansas that no one gives a shit about.

You got Boulder, you got Aspen, you got Vail, you got Denver, you even got Colorado Springs, but no one gives a fuck about Elbert County, Colorado. Yeah, that's tough. Rightfully so. I forgot that it's even next to Kansas. Yeah, yeah. The biggest city was in Kansas where I grew up.

That was the closest big city. Oh, really? Yeah. God damn. Well, that's not fair to say. Denver's closer, but culturally we were more attached to Hutchinson and shit. What's Kansas like these days? What are they doing over there?

Are they fucking around in Kansas still? I don't know. Lawrence, Kansas is nice. That's where the university is? Yeah That's where KU is Manhattan sucks Topeka's a hole

Wichita stinks The Kansas City side of Kansas Is not as good as the Missouri side Yeah But Slaps Barbecue Slaps Barbecue's great though There's Slaps in the Kansas City side Yes

We went there The airport there is Insanely small Yeah, yeah That's one of those airports Where you go and it's. There's slaps on the Kansas City side. Yes. We went there. The airport there is insanely small. Yeah, yeah. That's one of those airports where you go and there's people making home-cooked meals for you. Yeah. People are selling bananas.

Yeah. When you get off the plane. Yeah. Trying to get you to wear bracelets that have slurs on them. Yeah. I think there was three gates in the whole airport. Yeah. In Kansas City?

Yeah. At MCI? Yeah. I think you're incorrect what was the airport that we went to i don't think you flew into kansas city it's a fine airport where was that we flew we might have been like a thin air or it might have been one where you just like are right outside or it's like is it circular and you're like right outside as soon as you get outside yeah you walk in security is like there that's true that's missouri that's true

but i think that there's's just since it's like completely I think there's probably multiple entrances. So our little wing probably only had three. Do you have some expertise in aviation? Okay. Yeah. Couched up. Yeah. Little teeny tiny place. I started watching that new

Now are these foster children? What's happening over here? They are, yes. What's going on? They're misfit boys. The land of misfit boys. We hold them here. Yeah. Hostage. You're tutoring them.

Yes. In the ways of being a kid. We're showing them how it's done. Mm-hmm. Yeah. They get to practice after we finish. Yeah. They get to hop on the mics. They get a turn.

Cameras aren't rolling. The mics aren't plugged in. But but boy do they have a good time practice talking try and replicate that greatness that you just witnessed you ever came what was that a cummy drink a cummy drink from japan yeah i don't want to in kansas is fine but i wouldn't want to spend much time there that's fair that's fair what were you watching? What are you watching, Francis? I was watching the new sort of Steven Spielberg war movie or show on Apple TV about the aviators. Masters of Air.

Masters of Air. I was watching with my wife and I could just see the vaginal residue leaking from her socks. It was, the guys are so good looking in this one. That is, it's like they took fucking, you know, Band of Brothers and just made it a sex list of guys. Yeah. And I loved the fact that in Band of Brothers, like, major winners. He's not distractingly handsome. The one guy that drinks is pretty attractive, though.

Yes. The drinker. Ron Livingston. Yes. That actor. But he's not like, I wouldn't call him like a heartthrob. They've got, you know, the guy who played Elvis is playing the lead in this. Back then, that's what a heartthrob was, though.

Because, like, dude, I just rewatched uh even evil what is that fucking ted bundy movie and they have zach efron playing ted bundy and they show ted bundy at the end and you're like that's just a normal looking guy yeah i don't know what it's called some outrageous title yeah it's called like evilly shocking i don't fucking yeah yeah sounds like a review of the movie right yeah well that's what the judge said to the to ted bundy i see yeah yeah no they really sexualize these monsters yeah yeah they do but he also wasn't that trap ted bundy was not like if i was ted bundy he was more charming than he was a serial killer 10 though right you Right. You know? Yeah. They often- They should have given Warnos, like, huge cans. They should have fucking put Charlize in a big old Dolly Parton-esque situation and had

her constantly running through sprinklers. Yeah. I might have watched that schlock. You're talking about Monster? Yeah, yeah. So, she was- I saw- I met her once, just, like, randomly. Charlize Theron. Oh, I thought you meant- you meant Monster.

No. Okay. No, I'm doing better than that things aren't that dire uh but we i remember i remember meeting her and i remember thinking this is the most beautiful person i've ever met in person yeah she truly just was like made of a different thread and then i saw a monster after that and i could not reconcile that that was the same yeah person that i'd seen oh yeah yeah she was horrific in that yeah they made her so repugnant and i mean they they i don't know if there's are there other super or superhero are there other serial killer women that have been made into film stars i didn't even know there were serial killer women yeah I mean Griselda kind of has probably killed a lot of people

Hillary Clinton I guess zing sass zinger alarm activated break in case of need of laughter yeah man I think that the Air Force pilots have to be Activated. Break in case of need of laughter. Yeah, man. I think that the Air Force pilots have to be the most strapping of all the branches of service. I think maybe so.

And they've all got every single one of them has issued these incredible leather sheepskin bomber jackets. And just their like outfit du jour lends itself to an Abercrombie catalog, and they are very, very fetching. Is that one World War II? It is. Yeah. It's pretty good so far. It's a little saccharine as compared to the gritty kind of leg-blown-off cries

of Band of Brothers, but I don't know. I'll stick with it. I'll stick with it too. I'll stick with it. I'll stick with it, too. I'll stick with it. Let's stick with it. You'll see what I mean, though. That Austin Butler guy is... Oh, that's who's in it?

It's who is... He's the lead. Oh, come on. He's a little too kind of... People say he's stuck in Elvis forever. He has like a therapist to get him out of Elvis. All the time? Yeah, they say he's permanently Elvis.

Talk to me, goose.. Yeah. All the time. Yeah, they say he's permanently Elvis. Talk to me, Boos. Ledger. Yeah. What a nightmare. You think someone warned him? They were like, I told you not to take that role, man. We haven't made this movie

for one reason. Everyone else has been stuck in Elvis. Didn't Jack Nicholson warn Heath Ledger? Yeah. He was like, don't take that role.

Yeah. It'll fuck with you. Which is so funny. then a lordy fictional villain ruin your brain that role kills you man yeah suck the life out of the guy Francis saw was was the Joker in an off-broadway and now he's fucking roaming the streets yeah it's fucking brutal what are we at hour oh fuck yeah thank you so much for having me boys

you're free of course no no i'm glad to be here i just i know my manager's like you're supposed to be you might be drunk already and i'm like hey take a pill you know hey i want you to turn it down a little bit come on i'm chilling are you i'm impressing children where do you live i live in southeastern colorado more specific uh otero county more to this day no no so my wife got it she's a doctor she got a job at the hospital doing rural medicine and uh so now we're down there in a town very small town like less than 2 000 people wow yeah how do you get out on the road just drive to the airport which is which airport uh colorado springs or dia denver how long does that drive colorado springs hour and a half denver's

three does that not bother you no she's happy i'm happy she's happy i guess i mean good no i'm not talking the lifestyle sounds fantastic no she's great yeah i'm not handcuffed at all i dream i dream this is what i was talking about about maine like i would the reason i don't think i can live there let's say like you know independent of working in barstool is that to to get to phoenix for a road weekend would require flying from portland to new york layover flight long flight miserable flight to phoenix and getting home it's just like after that long weekend you know there's no raised deli to buy a vape yeah you're gonna get your jewel paws anyway like or so i asked you god forbid you know arbitrage and i just i just and i i always wonder though like okay well if in in new york if i wanted to live

in the country uh live an hour away from la guardia yeah would that drive to the airport be become so such a deterrent that i wouldn't want to go on the road anymore i think that if it wasn't denver airport which flies direct to pretty much everywhere yeah it'd be rougher but no i don't mind it and also like i'm able to write much more effectively when i don't have anyone i know within 100 miles besides my wife so i'm like you know at the table writing in the daytime dedicated not distracted and then i just make the three-hour drive you know i get to practice my funny voices you know of course yeah yeah i'm always doing voices on stage. World hell.

That kind of stuff. But yeah, no, I love her so much, and she's really impacting a community that needs empathetic healthcare workers, so I'm all for it, man. Wow. I'd love to move to Paris, bro. I would fucking tap out now and just move to Paris

and be happy writing novels and shit. Do you have French? You speak French like that? Pouais-je voir un croissant? Francis, is he doing it? now and just move to paris and be happy writing novels and shit do you have french you speak french like that uh is he doing it that's a pretty decent accent it's not bad yeah i got that one down sorry yeah you gotta have sorry and then when you walk into any place in paris you just have to say bonjour you have to say hi to everyone. Bonjour! Puis-je voir un cappuccino? And they're like, you want sugar? Oui!

Sucre! Je veux bien, s'il vous plaît. See, you got the throat. Yeah, he's been drinking that cum water. That's why he's doing so good. The Pocari Sweat. But I knew it was cum water. Pocari Sweat. I don't know.

So why don't you move to Paris? Because I have a burgeoning stand-up career. Paris. Yeah, taking my foot off the gas would be irresponsible, but I do just like think one day I'll live in Paris for at least a portion of the year. Yeah. I do stand-up in Paris every night.

It's good. Really? You can get up like two or three times a night over there. In English clubs? Yeah, yeah. That's cool. You still do spots during the week? What?

Where would I do spots, Sass? He said he lives in a town of 2,000 where he knows no one. Yeah. I don't know if there was like a local funny bone or something. You've only been doing stand-up for a couple weeks, but no.

No, they don't have an open mic at the Sonic. No, dude. I don't know. And I don't get to do a lot of spots, but it's all right you know i go on the road to the hour every weekend a couple times we're good yeah that's liberating that's a liberating thought yeah i'm not like a gig pig like if given the opportunity to go out and do spots every night i'd still want to like cook dinner for my wife yeah yeah you know what i mean because i value her above all and then of course god you know fucking god the almighty rascal our lord and savior yeah he seems

like he's got blinders on these days but anyway fuck yes well dude uh please go watch his special please do yes uh and read your book and subscribe to my youtube for the love of god i'm putting out this fucking travel show. It's badass. Listen to your podcast. Listen to Chubby Behemoth. Yes. Yeah.

And yeah, check for everything he does. Funny dude, you're the man. Thank you so much for giving us your time. Thank you for having me, guys. A true pleasure. I really was looking forward to this. True pleasure. You're the man.

Thanks, guys. I don't like you. Don't end on that note. That was fun, man. Thank you so much. Thank you.