Son of a Boy Dad - Smelly Hole | Son of a Boy Dad #205

Episode Date: June 5, 2024

Smelly Hole | Son of a Boy Dad #205 -- Ad: Download the Gametime app or go to https://gametime.co, enter your email, and redeem code BOYDAD for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply). -- Ad: Go to https://OmahaSteaks.com and use promo code DAD at checkout for exclusive savings on Fathers Day gift packages. -- Ad: For a special offer to get started, go to https://keeps.com/SOABD. -- Follow us on our socials: https://linktr.ee/sonofaboydad -- Merch: https://store.barstoolsports.com/collections/son-of-a-boy-dad -- SUBSCRIBE TO THE YOUTUBE #SonOfABoyDad #BarstoolSportsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, Son of a Boy Dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. All right. All righty, welcome back to the Son of a Boy Dad podcast. Today it is... June 4th. June 4th.

I got you, my brother. And we are here live from hu4 francis has quit as we anticipated has quit the podcast francis gets the tiniest taste of success yeah a fucking hors d'oeuvre of success and fleas for the hills of hollywood and austin we were in the green room after his special taping and he said i think i've about i think i've used up all my resources with you two he says i guess this is goodbye yeah he said i'm not going to be needing that whole little podcast anymore we went for the a big hug because you know francis you think he's a big hug guy and he literally fucking slapped the heineken 0.0 out of our hands yeah it was such a slap in the face heineken point zero zeros it was so fucking

sad but i mean i guess congrats to him yeah now i know how the come town boys felt yeah yeah damn it was nasty work but no i was so sorry we're a day late i made the fucking grave mistake of flying to los angeles yesterday shut up i made the grave mistake of flying to Los Angeles yesterday morning and flying back from Los Angeles yesterday night. Yeah. I was still, I was thinking about it this morning and I was wondering why you didn't just fly to LA from Chicago. Cause I have a family. Yeah. But I feel like they probably would have understood. Like also, what did you say? Like you were only with your family for what five hours yeah i mean just had a phone call maybe yeah you that's that shit sounds good until you fucking wind up in in

snoopy's position in the fucking dog house yeah but it's also it's tuesday it's not like you like you could have but i've been i'd been in chicago all week i don't know i think your wife would have been pretty understanding if you're like i'm just gonna call her call her then call her big man big man's got all the answers i mean i didn't realize big man was a relationship guru flying back from flying back from chicago to new york to then like what eight hours later fly to la it was I landed at one o'clock, 1.30 and I had to be at the airport at 6am. Yeah, exactly. And I'm sure LA, I'm sure Chicago to LA is not even that bad of a flight. What is it? Three hours? I don't know, but one day you'll know love, dude. And I'm really rooting for it. Like, I think it's coming for you. I think it's literally right around the river bend.

I'm a grindset guy and I'm just trying to make things easier for you on the traveling end yeah you're trying to make it easy i'm a grind set guy i want things to be as hard as possible that is true you do fucking think about the word river yeah bank what uh what's the river bank flow the flow of money you just have to be where the money is and you'll accept the fucking flow of money you're missing the fucking the clues are in the words dude dude. That's true. I got to go to LA next week. Holy shit. Yeah.

I primed it up for you. I got it loose for you, if you know what I mean. That city sucks ass. Oh my God. The worst. The worst place. Everybody was like,

dude, look at this fucking beach. Like, do you have a better, like, perception of LA now? And you couldn't even see the sand because there are so many trash cans. Oh yeah, it's disgusting. It's literally just covered in trash cans and like shipping containers like this is our best beach this is the best we have to offer dude also just spending a week in Chicago that city's not all

that either no what happened to summers in Chicago now they're all like oh man summers in Chicago are different it rained like the whole time we were there yeah and even the days it wasn't raining it was it was June and 60 yeah yeah that's not this that's not the dream i was promised imagine being on the lake imagine getting a boat on a lake it's probably 42 degrees out there yeah it's probably still snowing on the lake also like mal i saw like jake malasek posted some he was on some like ferry boat tour through chicago and he was like chicago is the greatest city in the world and then like an hour later i saw you posted the exact same thing in New York. You were on some boat eating dinner. It was not a boat, but it was on, it was a waterfront dinner. And that's another reason

to come home. Yeah. Fine dining. Yeah. You're lucky I didn't post the pictures of the food. Foie gras. Oh, very nice. I don't even know what that is. Yeah. I mean, either. It tastes like butter though. It tastes like you're eating a stick of butter i love some good butter it was fantastic indulgent and fat but delightful um but yeah dude i don't chicago still hasn't grabbed me i think that they spend so much time in the frigid cold of chicago they step outside and it's 55 and they're like this is amazing yeah that's what everyone in the midwest is like they're like oh it's 40 let me put on shorts they're like well the summer's here 75 high yeah but like a one gust of wind brings in like a torrential fucking nor'easter yeah it's brutal we were i mean we we met up for fucking brunch that one day yeah just me and you and it was just pouring pouring

the entire time it ruined it literally ruined my entire outfit we had to go to fucking patagonia and that's nice because it only took me 45 minutes to get there that's the other thing everything is an hour away from each other and the train somehow is you know how like when you look in like new york it's like your other cell is gonna take the drive and you switch to the train and it's like half the time yeah it's a yeah it's different at least like in chicago it's double the time to take the train there's only local trains and they stop every 300 feet it's like those japanese trains you see that like stop literally inside someone's apartment yeah you like get dropped off in your living room and then you have to go to like 11b and then 11c i went from the office to the laugh factory on friday and it took me

45 minutes and it's three miles away and the only alternative i could have walked is to like uh is to take like one of the scooters or e-bikes yeah but you have to drive through such shitty places that you can like also unlock an ak oh yeah it's you're going through hell out there that's where my hotel was in a bad area yeah oh my god yeah i i went to 7-eleven one night big mistake wait i've been to that 7-eleven there's a guy out front who will not let you leave without giving him ten dollars yeah there was a lot of uh homeless people you give him four dollars and he'll fucking beat your ass yeah and there was some rowdy teens in there too. Really?

Yeah, causing a ruckus. Were they looting? Snocking stuff over. Probably. They're still looting out there. Yeah. I saw a fucking police station on fire out there. Oh, yeah.

I couldn't believe it. It brought me back. It's a bad scene out there. What were you copping at at Sev? Zinni's. Pringles. I mean, Lucy's. Lucy's Breakers.ni's. Pringles. Now I'm on the Lucy Breakers. Lucy's.

Those are good. They're incredible. The caffeine ones are whatever, are fucking great too. Are you using those? No, I don't know. I saw Taylor LeJuan post about them. I'm trying to stop vaping.

Why? Because I'm going to Wyoming. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I feel like I shouldn't be hiking five miles a day while blowing massive clouds through my lungs at the same time. You should hike while vaping here to get a baseline. You should vape on an inclined treadmill here. Yeah, it's actually a good idea.

Really remove all the oxygen from my body. And just train yourself in the conditions that you're going to be in. Yeah. It's not a good idea, like really remove all the oxygen from my body. And just to like train yourself in the conditions that you're going to be in. Yeah. It's not a bad idea. You should pick up, you should be doubling your vaping. So once you get up to Wyoming and are just doing a single vape at altitude, it will feel the same. Yeah. You don't even really want to vape on hikes like that though.

You don't even really need it. Yeah, because Mother Nature's getting you high. Yeah, exactly. Mother Nature's getting your sweet nicotine yeah the problem with these things is though you just need one in 24 hours a day to try and battle the urges and it's not even the nicotine it's the oral fixation that you're addicted to i heard uh and it's had to be fake pseudoscience but uh that nicotine there's like new studies that nicotine has like some good properties or something like that i think that's always been a thing i mean they say like your brain produces nicotine in like small amounts yeah it's not good for your brain or

yeah blood flow it's not if it's true it's bad for you it cannot be really bad for you but whoever's putting out that research it's the same way when people that are like raging alcoholics are like well they say you, three beers a week. It's actually really good for you. Good for your ticket. Yeah. Yeah. Red wine.

Glass of red wine at night. Great for the heart. Bottle of the night. And it's, yeah, that's the thing. No one actually drinks. A single glass. Yeah. It's impressive if you do.

Like the amount of nicotine that's healthy for you would be like if I put one of these in for four seconds and then immediately pulled it out. You just like gum it. Yeah. Yeah yeah you're sure on their top and bottom but no lucy's are really good and healthy yeah like fruits and vegetables the new food pyramid just has lucy's across the bottom i do like the breaking i like the i like crushing the pop yeah it's like a camel crush yeah that is a satisfying pop yeah and these are these are the only ones that don't give me an insane stomach this isn't even an ad we're not sponsored by them no we're not i don't think so barstool is barstool is but we're not and uh

the zins make me projectile vomit and the rogues literally you put one in for 30 seconds and it feels like you could just start you could just rip your gums off in one clean pull like the crest white strips yeah yeah just peel your gum yeah those are nasty work they make you shit blood and bleed shit yeah exactly fucking vicious cycle yeah so what else did you cop at 7-eleven the pringles lucy's pringles uh no i got these from the office pringles taco and cheese taquito god no i'm not a warm food guy from 7-eleven i have been in my past but it's actually all very good it's so bad the wings and the taquitos are good waking up in the morning and you see the 7-eleven fucking hot dog wrapper in your apartment yeah the 3d like folded cardboard of 7-eleven is that's you know you fucked up big time yeah

you've made a grave mistake yeah because you know you didn't you you didn't like take a walk after you ate it oh no you didn't get like your blood sugar down you're putting that in your mouth seconds before your eyes close. You're chewing yourself to sleep on that steroided up chicken. Yeah. But how was that hotel? I know that Citizen M was beautiful. Did we talk about that?

No, Citizen M was fine. I mean, I was bitching and moaning about it because you were in a nice hotel and Francis was in the Four Seasons executive suite and I was in a room where my feet were touching the wall while I was in bed. I was not in a nice hotel. Nicer than mine. Yeah, I mean. You could stand up in yours. I had to chain up while laying in bed. Like I was in a sleeping bag.

It comes with a slingshot that you can whip your clothes on. Yeah, exactly. You have to leap into your clothes yeah but uh the homeless people outside 7-eleven were offered a citizen m room yeah like i'm all set they linger outside of the citizen i'm waiting to get you the homeless yeah they're making a mistake that you that you have money if you're staying at the citizen m i know that's true they should be outside the four seasons but at the four seasons they have turrets up top where they're just like kill you the second they see you they're just shooting you down like feral hogs in arkansas but uh citizen was fine it really wasn't bad the only

one one night i got home and the ipad wasn't working and the ipad controls everything in the room it controls the lights the tv the air conditioning so i had to sit in the pitch black and call downstairs and they had to walk me through how to reset the ipad you said that you were changing your room colors every five minutes i was i got very into that yeah it was fun change it to a nice dark blue when i would go to bed they i set my alarm through the citizen m app and uh i thought it was gonna be like really i thought it was gonna like the lights were gonna turn on the blinds were gonna go up it just plays like street sounds really loud so i slept through the alarm for like an hour yeah it doesn't factor that people are from new york yeah that i live in the city you fell into a deeper sleep yeah

they played like sirens your whoop was telling you that you were in perfect REM for several hours after that. Yeah, the Citizen M is, it's not really for me. I just prefer like a normal. I think everyone does. I don't think anyone is like seeking out the Citizen M. The Japanese must like it though. No. You don't think the Japanese like it?

Why would the Japanese want to go to a hotel that simulates worse living conditions than where they live? Because I think that they like modern stuff. They like riding go-karts through the streets and fucking... Bullet trains? And panty vending machines and shit like that. Yeah. I don't know. There was no Japanese people staying where I was.

Wait, did the lobby stink like a sneeze? No. Okay. The lobby didn't stink. They must have cleaned out the sneeze smell from the lobby. Yeah, they must have.

Last time I was in there the lobby stunk like a sneeze. Maybe the lobby did smell a little bit. You know what's the real bitch of the place is that you gotta take two elevators

to get to your room. That's not right. One to the lobby and then one to the upstairs. Chicago is such a dangerous city that none of the hotels have uh lobbies on the first floor yeah mine didn't either really there wasn't a lot and i don't think the four seasons does either i wouldn't know i have no idea but but i i'm pretty sure that you can't you don't just walk into the lobby level yeah francis was

like trying to get me to stay at the force he was like just just get her just stay there and he was flexing on us every morning was like it's only eight thousand dollars a night he would have like a continental breakfast delivered to his room as he overlooked the sunrise on the lake yeah i could see that if everyone in chicago was living like that it's like oh chicago is a nice and beautiful city yeah but you could stay in the saint louis four seasons and you'd be like wow saint louis is beautiful this time of year incredible yeah yeah wow this fucking gaza four seasons is fucking amazing when me and francis went to saint louis a couple years ago he uh he would walk over to the four seasons across the street and have their continental breakfast he'd pay for it no one would question him they would be like oh yeah you're definitely welcome back they knew he has the look he has the

feel yeah which uh i mean he's not here to talk about a special but i think we should yeah it was great it was very fun it was awesome it was a night of magic yeah we are fucking we are out of here once that shit comes out time yeah big time once it comes out on tubi once it comes out on fubo he doesn't seem to think that it's gonna go anywhere i think it will once it comes out on turbo turbo i think it's gonna i think it'll go somewhere I think the especially the people that he had working yeah the people that he had working for it

I think it's gonna help oh yeah they were dead serious they were getting like sick shots yeah room looks sick they don't play games

people were laughing you'd be like you guys want any chips and they'd be like oh well I'm working they were they had all beautiful bodies

yeah like firm handshakes oh they're all jacked and they all have like tactical gear on. Yeah, like they're like the final bosses of stage crew guys, of like tech guys. Stage crew is not a job

that you would expect you to need to be wearing bulletproof vests to do. But they all have like cargo pants and like bulletproof vests and like night vision goggles on. And like a Glock 9 strapped to their thigh like Lara Croft. Yeah. God damn, what are you shooting? I thought you were shooting a special. vests and like night vision goggles on and like uh block nine strapped to their thigh like laura croft yeah god damn what are you shooting i thought you're shooting a special yeah yeah they

get really into it but it was really cool it was cool to see cool to see it done right yeah and their pros too it was very impressive just how locked in they were yeah but they found time to laugh that was a testament to francis yeah it was weird i didn't realize that they were on stage until like halfway through my set. And then I realized that there was just a dude standing next to me on stage. With a camera. A massive camera. Yeah. Yeah.

You killed though. Nah, I did fine. You killed. Yeah, I did. Don't be humble, bro. You fucking murdered. I mean, it was easy. I did 10 minutes.

You just do your best 10 minutes of jokes. Yeah do your best 10 nothing breaking them up you don't have to break them up with like dog shit filler jokes there was no bombing it was just fucking murderer's row yeah for 10 minutes yeah i lifted like fucking probably like five or six of those jokes took them out to la yeah yeah bless the la comics with them i was like you guys didn't have these yeah schumer was fucking furiously writing everything down she couldn't get enough of it i'm lying she's a new york comic schumer is she she live in new york yeah i think she lives i think she lives in the same building kendrick lamar and edger and do i don't know what that building is but i keep on hearing you guys talk about it. It's the building.

Yeah, it seems like it. I always get TikToks for it. They'll just be like a swirling AI-created image of the building with a robot voice being like, Kendrick Lamar lives in this building. He moved in in 2021. That sounds like some shit that they would have at Citizen M.

Citizen M is one of those hotels where you turn the TV on and there's like random facts on the TV. Yeah. But the alternative is Mario Lopez. Yeah, it's true. Mario Lopez is on like 90% of the TVs. That shit's infuriating. And he just like comes, walks around the corner, will talk for five minutes and then does it again. And you just can't find the remote.

So you listen to Mario Lopez for 72 straight hours. And you probably got paid $80 million to do that. It's infuriating. Who knows Mario Lopez? No one. Who's tuned in on Mario Lopez? Nobody. What does he do?

E? And he was in Saved by the Bell? I don't know. The worst gig in the world has to be the guy that's in the back of the taxi. Isn't that Tank Sinatra now? Oh, is it? I think so. the jokes that they have them do are like it's like a sketch of someone doing bad jokes yeah it's uh but at least there's i mean it's probably a writer got paid for that or something i don't know i'm looking for a silver lining it's someone's got to have gotten paid a lot of they're probably getting paid by the state of new york yeah or no he's not just gas stations when you go to a gas station

what the fuck were they thinking that like they were like trying to launch us into the future yeah that was definitely an idea they were like this is going to change the world it's going to be so fucking tvs at a gas station just someone some guy talking to you. Yeah. It's going to be like Blade Runner 2049. Yeah. That shit sucks. It sucks. It's so dumb. Chicago had that too.

In that, that like Fulton Market neighborhood that we were walking through, they had like these big video screens where it was just like ads and like someone coming to talk to you. Yeah. Yeah. Flat screen TVs must just like cost negative dollars to make because they just start posting posting them on fucking street corners it used to be like a big deal that flat screen flat screen tv and like push to start cars yeah used to be like the future and now it's just like they're all just nuisance it's just cheaper than not than not doing it push to start cars are the

worst but there's still rappers who are like no keys yeah push to start it's like then you gotta fucking hold on to your little nub of a key and then you lose it every fucking 10 minutes your nugget yeah the key looks like it lost its arms and legs in a fucking grenade accident it's like just carrying around an airpod case and that controls your entire car yeah there's a dark energy to it and then you can start it in places like it happened to my mom like her car keys were like in our house and she could start her car oh from the inside yeah and then she drove like 20 miles away and then went to start it and then she didn't have her keys oh oh you can leave them somewhere yeah oh that's diabolical yeah because all you need is

you just need to start it my boy boy Mike did that in his neighborhood. He started it because the winters in Philadelphia are akin to the Chicago winters. Yeah. Frigid cold. Yeah. And he started his car and was like inside getting ready for the rest of the workday and went outside and they had just taken his car. Oh, really?

But it's like a development and he has like a driveway. Yeah. They like hop a fence to come and take his car. That's crazy. His car got stolen? driveway. They hop a fence to come and take his car. That's crazy. His car got stolen? Yeah. Damn. Sucks so bad.

Stealing a car is pretty cool. Kia boys? Yeah. Yeah. That's legendary. My friend Bo's car got stolen when he lived in Vermont. Yeah? Yeah.

And then they returned it to him. How'd they get it? He got it back. The cops called him. They were like, we found it. And then he picked it up and there was like just shattered glass all in the back of the car

yeah and like the cops don't do anything I think they exclusively break the glass so they have something comfy to fuck on

yeah they just want to have a fucking raked up back yeah because that's what they're doing in the cars oh yeah there was a condom in the car

was there really yeah yeah they love to fuck in the car they need a safe place to fuck you can't be fucking on the streets anymore no i was on the phone with him when it got stolen like it got stolen like he was actively under his nose or when he discovered when he found out it was stolen he was we were he was in college and we were going to play video games and he called me because he just got off work and he was like can you game

and i was like yeah and he's like all right i'm just going i'm walking in my car right now and he's in the parking garage and he was like i don't know where the fuck my car is it looks like we're playing grand theft auto yeah he was like i don't know where the fuck my car is and then uh and then he didn't and then the cops he asked the cops for a ride back to his dorm and they wouldn't give him a ride so he had to walk back like three miles what city was he in vermont burlington damn that's nasty burlington's a nasty city too i mean it's a beautiful city but they have crazy homeless problems because they probably just uh because it's a bunch of libs they want to have these inclusive laws yeah it's sick makes me fucking sick build a citizen m and put them up i know

seriously put these fucking people away i'm still pissed though that you didn't pop tags with me at patagonia yeah yeah i went on a mission to pop tags and then like yeah but they didn't have anything that i was willing to pop for they had everything they have like good jackets and pants and shorts i'm in the market right now for t-shirts they had oh they had thin t-shirts i-shirts. I'm not a Patagonia t-shirt guy. You would have had to stack them pretty high. Yeah, exactly. You'd have to go Russian nesting doll on their t-shirts and fucking.

Yes. And I already have, I already got my Storm gear from Orvis. Yeah, you walking into Patagonia with the Orvis was a flex. It was a baller move. They didn't like it. But that's like when you're at the mall and you walk in with like bags from other stores. They knew you were a shopper.

They were like, oh, can we help you with anything, sir? We see that you're dressed tactically. I don't even know if I told you that some employee came up to me and he was like, do you need anything? Or he was like, can I help you with anything? I was like, no. And he's like, here, take this pin. And it was a barstool Chicago pin.

It was like a little nod. He knew? He knew. I think that's why all those Chicago guys love Chicago so much. Because everyone there is a barstool fan. Yeah. Like, boy, if you're a barstool employee in Chicago,

you're an A-list celebrity. Everywhere we went, and they say it in like subtle ways. They're like, what can I get you to drink today? Roan. in like subtle ways they're like what can i get you free what can i get you to drink today roan that happened at the place that we got breakfast yeah it was but but the waitress didn't know and the guy like the guy like swooped in he like yeah he

kicked her to the car he came in like from the bullpen he's like anything else we can get you guys today roan it was like his big moment and then he got he gave us cookies he did give us a stack of cookies and they were incredible i didn't get any of them well you didn't take any of them because you took them you took the executive decision to have all of the cookies i didn't i mean i didn't take i'm on a weight loss journey right now so i didn't even finish them all but i literally brought them back to new york a good amount of them they're in my they're in my apartment right now that's insane to bring back two cookies they were they were dinner oh they were huge they were massive cookies and they were

like this thick they're like cakes damn there's three it was like a cinnamon i would love to try one you dude you come over yeah maybe i'll come over after this come over for a shard of cookie i literally punched the top of it and fucking let it all shatter so i could get big pieces small pieces it was such a fucking joy yeah and then we went on our journey to pop tags and it never happened. You popped a lot of tags. How much did that run you? They beat me over the head. What was it, 500?

It was like 500 for pants and a jacket. Yeah, because a jacket from Patagonia, that's 300 pounds at least. It was like a sweatshirt. It was like a sweatshirt. It was a hybrid. But I popped my fucking fly at Pop Punk. I literally, like my best pants. My fucking. Oh that's why you had to pop tags. Cause I literally

my pants broke. I had one pair of pants. One pair of wearable pants. And I fucking broke. And dude but my Patagonia pants are already breaking. The fucking button is coming out of my fucking Patagonia pants. They don't make them like they used to. Now Patagonia is not as good of a brand as they say. Like as people like as the hype it gets. Like L.L. Bean's way better than Patagonia. Yeah fucking Patagonia pants. They don't make them like they used to. Now, Patagonia is not as good of a brand as they say,

like as people, like as the hype it gets. Like L.L. Bean's way better than Patagonia. Yeah. Patagonia has good, they had those like, those like fleece pullover sweatshirts that they have. Those are nice. But even those are feeling thin and plastic.

Really? I have one that's old and it's really nice. I think they're cheaping out. But they're like warm as shit. Like you can only wear those in like the hottest of weather i felt not the coldest the coldest of weather yeah that's probably why they're fucking just rocking them all year round they have like summer colors of the fucking oh yeah chicago because you need to wear them yeah in the frigid temperatures we should have gone to what was that store next door that that

makes the cute little backpacks you know what i'm talking about it's like a fucking icelandic store no clifflin lofton no i know the store i don't remember what it's called but do you know what i'm talking about we should have gone there cutest backpacks that place looked way cooler than i know but neither of us spoke up no we should have spoke up it was like it was like exactly what we were looking for the patagonia was fucking calling our name that's the thing too is all those stores like going to like a nike store in person it's like you go there and they don't have anything yeah like it's like patagonia all the good shit's online it's the general release yeah llb on the other hand you go into a store you go and they

have everything that they sell at lb in the store it's well made yeah there's old american hands stitching that shit in the back yeah this patagonia shit is south american stitching shit together fucking not a care in the world it's fucking bullshit because they're looking to get back out on the water you can't have the factory that you make your clothes at be a nice place because then those people are looking forward to too much rather than looking forward to making like the chicago office yeah exactly that's why nothing gets done in there because everyone's about to deadlift. Yeah, exactly.

It's crazy. That was insane. Which part? As soon as the yak ends on Friday, music's on and then five on five starts immediately. With six teams waiting to run five on five. Yeah, it's like an operation. People hanging over the top.

Yeah. It is fucking preposterous. I snuck away into the game room. I played Apex with Bo and Matt for three hours. What game room? Where Jerry streams. What the fuck is that? We were playing.

It's like up by Big Cat's office. We were playing crosswords. I was playing a crossword with KB, Nick or with KB, Mook, Francis and Rudy. And I was like, this is awful. And then it came into my, it came into my head. I was like, oh shit, they have a PlayStation five here. And then I went over and I logged into my account and I played video games for three hours.

Really? Yeah. And then I, and then I, when I, when, when I was playing, when I started playing, it was like a zoo. Like, people are playing basketball, people are working out, and then I walked out

and I was the only person there. Everyone was gone. Why don't they live stream the basketball? I don't know. They don't want to expose themselves? Probably. Yeah. That's tough.

I respect it. Yeah. It's a beautiful office. It is is very fun but they should be putting that shit out you should have live streamed your video games i was worried that i was so i kept everything on the i didn't say much that people could see you i was the whole time i'm playing i was like there's like not a zero chance that i'm being streamed out to the public right now yeah so because as soon as you turn on the desktop like the camera like focuses in on you it's like one of those like automatic ones yeah so it's like all of a sudden

the camera it's like one of those ones that it's like face down and then you turn the on thing on and it like it goes up and focuses on your face and i'm like this thing might just be i might just be streaming on jerry's twitch right now you just like start playing with your balls yeah yeah so i didn't say much you just unzip and start beating off like that uh cnn anchor yeah we strictly talked about the game nothing else because you knew yeah that they could be trying to expose you yeah there was a couple times where i was about to shit talk and then i was like no i can't a couple times you're about to say the k word yeah exactly like myers leonard dude i played cod last night it sucks the things that were things that were coming out of my mouth last night were nasty really yeah in just public chats towards

your friends no i was playing by myself really just talking to strangers fuck you what were you so angry at because i i don't play multiplayer cod a lot i play warzone or the campaign and i've been playing multiplayer a little bit by myself and it's been really fun like i've been finishing top of the leaderboard every game and then i realized that it was because uh skill-based matchmaking hadn't kicked in yet. Yeah, you're playing on baby mode. I'm playing on baby mode. You're literally playing against the fucking, the key that people use to get into their car. No arms, no legs.

I wanted to go for a, I was trying to go for a nuke. I wanted to get a nuke. Of course. Which is 25 kill streak. 25 kill streak. It might be 24 or 26, depending on the game. No, that's 25. And I got a 15 kill streak.

And then as soon as I got that, I didn't get a kill streak the rest of the gaming session. And I was getting, it was all hackers. People with aimbot, wallhacks. So basically you put up like 100 in Madden on Rookie. Pretty much. And then you went to All Pro. Well, everyone hacks. There's a massive hacking problem in Call of Duty. so basically you put up like a hundred in madden on rookie pretty much and then i got and then you went to all pro well everyone hacks there's a massive hacking problem in call of duty i know the game sucks now that's why i went back to apex apex is where it's at we got two wins back

to back let's go on sunday so were you playing with the boys no not last night last night i played for like an hour by myself got it and then i watched seinfeld going through a big seinfeld kick right now. Stealing some jokes? Yeah. Big time. A lot of them. It's ripe for stealing.

People are just starting to forget. The people who were like into Seinfeld are just like teetering on dementia. And there's a new crop that's young enough to not know Seinfeld. Because I'm just taking Jerry Seinfeld's jokes and just doing them in my own cadence. Not his. And it's hard to tell. That's what my don't tell set is going to be. Just all stolen Jerry Seinfeld jokes. Clean as hell.

Yeah. Can't even say hell. No. No, he says he's got some nasty jokes. I think it's a common misconception that Jerry Seinfeld's like a clean comic. Just because a lot of his premises are like dumb. Or like simple.

The first time that I I started maybe smoking weed when I was like probably 18 years old. But like for the first like six or eight months it didn't work. Like I wasn't like inhaling properly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I gotta joke about that. Jerry Sefeld came to penn state yeah and i was like i'm gonna fucking do it right

dude i have to get it for jerry yeah for jerry yeah it's like fucking honestly until a couple years later he was the most important jerry to come through penn state and fucking all right so i was just like vacuumed in yeah muscled it down until i finally got high yeah it was fucking euphoric and then sitting in the back row it felt it didn't even feel real he was like one of the first celebrities i like saw in person like that it's pretty crazy that he came to penn state why do you do that we get big acts i guess penn state's a huge school it's a huge school guaranteed sellout yes guarantee you're gonna be performing in front of like 20,000 people. Yeah.

It was massive. It wasn't in the basketball stadium, but it was in just this fucking huge theater. We're all the way in the back. And he's like, Penn State? Were people pumped to see Jerry Seinfeld? I mean, I was super pumped. I didn't even really watch Seinfeld. I was like, fuck, Jerry Seinfeld.

Because I think the cool thing now is to hate Jerry Seinfeld. Yeah, but this is 2000, literally 2006 or 7. This is fucking, you, Jerry Seinfeld. Because I think the cool thing now is to hate Jerry Seinfeld. Yeah, but this is literally 2006 or 2007. You weren't even born yet. Well, I was. I was probably six or seven. But he was like, Penn State, what's the name of this town? State College? Real clever naming the town.

He was torching your ass huh he was torching you guys he was torching the fuck out of us he was like we'll just uh what are we gonna call it there's a college here i guess we'll just stay at college yeah yeah yeah stay at college stay at college that's pretty good that's good shit though it was good shit like for topical humor like people eat that shit up we ate it up. I'm remembering it fucking half of my life later. Yeah, yeah. Half of my life later. 20 years ago.

Yeah. It was insane. State College. Fucking, it's like word, that's how I got into battle rap, basically. Yeah, yeah. From Jerry Seinfeld. Jerry Seinfeld had some wordplay. I was like, what the fuck is this?

Yeah. Weed was coursing through my brain. Just this swirling tornado of thought why is that that when people smoke weed for the first like 10 times they don't feel anything because you don't know how to inhale yeah but it's pretty simple i don't know did you do it right the first time no exactly so it's not that simple you don't like intentionally inhale yeah the first time that i smoked weed i was i was with my friend bo and we were smoking weed and we didn't get we didn't feel anything and we were smoked outside and we were like i think it's because we're outside i think like the fresh air is like fucking with the weed we both smoked like joints that were like this big and didn't

neither of us felt a single thing because you just wasn't going into we were like yeah this is just shit weed and then i smoked weed again like a year later and i didn't feel anything and then i smoked a couple times and then the one time that i did feel something is when i got caught by my parents yeah big trouble because once you actually get high it's like oh my god well it's instant you're just instantly like i what did i just do i shouldn't have done that that was a terrible idea and then you're like it's not like drinking where you can just like oh i'll just go get mcdonald's like i'll just eat a lot of food and i'll be fine right it's like there's literally nothing you can do to get it to go away right you need to

like get hosed down yeah you can't like go for like a run like drinking there's so many methods to be less drunk drinking a ton of water drinking a one diet coke you're back you're good that used to be my move a diet coke would take you out of drink if i was like getting uncomfortably drunk i just have one diet coke and i'm back i drink six more beers i think you could go for a run and get out of smoking really i don't know i feel like at least like you'd be sweat you'd have plausible deniability if you're just like drenched in sweat and fucking i don't know weed was always like you once you're high you're trapped forever like until you wake up the next day yeah that's why i don't understand how people

can smoke weed during the day that's crazy to me but i think that people smoke so much that like it very quickly becomes you smoke and you're not high anymore right away or you are high no i mean like you you smoke your tolerance is so high that like you smoke and then 20 minutes later you're not hot you need to smoke again oh i see we call that being a drug addict he's not a fucking drug bro it's from mother from mother earth are you still off the kush yeah yeah how long is that gonna last you think forever um i mean so i smoked on the bachelor party yeah and it was just like everyone's like you're going to get so fucking high when you come back.

And I was like, nah, not, not really. Didn't really feel anything. Didn't really feel any different. I don't know. Like I would, I guess smoke. Were you inhaling? Yeah. Seinfeld was on.

It wasn't even funny. Yeah. Yeah. Um, I guess I would smoke again if like I don't know if I was like with Wiz Khalifa

like you're not gonna get back to where you were you think of like smoking every day I don't think so right in the morning yeah by being on the toilet

yeah I literally was like convincing myself that it was like helping me poop in the morning could've getting the morning poop out is like essential to your day.

I'll tell you what helps you get the morning poop out. A Lucy Breakers and an iced coffee from Starbucks. Facts. Spraying shit. Facts. Yeah. After we were supposed to pop tags, I remember I told you I was going to go get-

Oh, dude, I had diarrhea four times in an hour when we got back. Right afterwards? Yeah. I don't know. Was it that breakfast? I think it must have. I don't know what it was,

but it was like my- I think I was also nervous. I don't know why i was so nervous for this yeah no one cared no one cared it was it had nothing to do with me my set wasn't being filmed it did not matter if i did well or not and i was like and it was less than like a normal weekend on the road oh it was 10 minutes it's less than doing a spot of the stand really and i was like so fucking nervous dude and your body was just i don't know why your body when you're nervous is just like let's get this shit out yeah i dude i shit four times in an hour went to the venue drank a non-alcoholic beer and then i remember standing on the side of the stage

waiting for brandon to finish and i was like i'm gonna have a panic attack on stage it was that bad yeah and then i got on stage and i was totally fine but i also that happens to me like 90 of the time before i go up it is scary to go up for the first time huh yeah well it's i always just have this idea in my head that i'm gonna hyperventilate on stage and then like collapse to the ground that would be really funny yeah it'd be good for my career it'd be a great bit yeah especially with a fucking the steadicam that they had oh yeah if they had you crumpling into a heap it looked like performance art give it up for francis as i'm crawling off the stage oh my god i pray for that

day i hope the cameras are rolling don't tell could be the day could be the day that's in two weeks yeah i won't that won't happen i don't really as soon as i got on stage i'm not nervous anymore are you gonna do the same 10 yeah that was your basically your your uh that was word for word what it's gonna be really yeah you're fucking lit then yeah hopefully i just need that first joke to work and it's for some reason I'm getting to a point where this joke that I've been doing for over a year that has been forever, for the last 11 months, it has had a 100% hit rate. No matter what the crowd is, no matter how many people are there, no matter like what type of crowd, like I could do a gay room, I could do a black room, I could do a white... Gay black room. Anything. And it would kill every time.

And now within the last month, it's not working. It's like 30% of the time it works. What happens to me sometimes, it gets a little bit stale. I would just rewrite the punchline, add a couple more tags, get it fresh for a little bit, and then strip it back down. It's actually not a bad idea. That's what I always do.

I was texting a lot of people this morning asking what to do. Is that the best advice you got? Now now gardini told me to stop doing it until then or just period he said stop doing it for like a week true gardini's dialed yeah he is yeah i see him in a still photo from the mothership every week yeah yeah yeah they always put his in black and white for some reason i know everyone else has color and are they trying to protect his red hair like the film we know he has red hair yeah and a beautiful shock of red hair yeah maybe that's what it is but um yeah i gotta figure that out but where are you shooting that san diego that sounded fucking That sounded fucked.

That sounded fucked. San Diego? That's not what you said. You said San Diego. I was just looking up, like before I fall asleep, I just like to look at different areas of the country on Zillow. Yeah. And I always forget just how close san

diego is to mexico oh it's like oh it's like in it 10 miles away yeah it not even it's not 10 miles away it's it's right next to san diego yeah san diego yeah it's it's fucking nuts yeah san diego is a nice area but apparently the area where we're filming is not really yeah someone i got some email the other day about my travel and they were like don't stay near the venue really yeah i don't give a i'm staying near the venue why why are you at the four seasons i'd rather stay at the venue near the venue than stay fucking 45 minutes away it's not 45 minutes it's san diego they were telling me like a train station to stay near oh i know i know that restaurant or that uh hotel it's right by the train station when i filmed that ryan garcia video that's where we stayed oh i forgot you filmed that

was that before he lost his mind uh he was in a depressive episode at that time which is like kind of is the perfect yin to the yang of his manic episode that he's been trapped in for the last year plus well he got in trouble for steroids didn't he no they it was fake oh okay they were making it all up even though they found it in his a sample and his b sample it was absolute bullshit yeah he was he was very nice and funny we got along good yeah i'm sure he's my brother yeah you think he remembers you uh i bet yeah he does ron we spent multiple days together yeah ron was the name of his trainer really yeah interesting the only other white around something to think about yeah yeah you

could think about that for a while yeah i could definitely here's another one to think about yesterday i was on the flight uh delta one of course fell asleep it's like eight thousand dollars one way no i mean i i literally could have stayed in uh la for like three days i'm saving the company money by taking delta one there's no there's just no way that that's true. I'm saving the company money. And you like scrawny guys. Fucking. I fell asleep on the way there and I woke up and I had like sleep mouth. And so I was like, well, Delta One, they have a full toiletry kit. Yeah. Fucking grab the toiletry kit, run into the bathroom, fucking open up the toothbrush uh open up the toothpaste start fucking brushing my teeth tastes different that's not toothpaste oh no put a half a tube of lip balm in my mouth

oh no it was nasty that's terrible my smile was shining it was like a fucking light bulb. Did you re-brush with toothpaste after? Yes. Did it get it out? I mean, I guess, but it's a wooden toothbrush. Yeah. Which is a nasty mouth feel. Putting wood in your mouth? Yeah, I don't like that at all.

I don't know if you're used to that shit. Very funny. With your gay ass. But I don't like that to begin with and then wood mixed with fucking lip balm a half tube of lip balm because i'm like i'm gonna use a bunch of this i'm not gonna reuse this toothpaste so i'm gonna use a fucking ton use all of it there's no reason to be fucking you know actually you know you don't really need a lot at all i know that's big toothpaste but i like to i don't make you think that you got to lather the whole brush. Same thing with when I go to a hotel and there's shampoo, I'll just fucking load up on shampoo.

Oh, yeah. I use a ton of shampoo. If I'm at home, conservative. But if it's their shampoo, well, no. They don't have body wash at Citizen M. All they have is shampoo and conditioner. What? I had to wash my ass with shampoo all week

what the fuck yeah no way yep why isn't that fucked that's so fucked japanese they don't wash their ass i guess it's a new stereotype okay true they just have pixelated asses they don't have to wash japanese dudes have stinky asses i'm coming up with new japanese racist stereotypes based on my stay at citizen ham why you're about to go to california you're gonna be within fucking pearl harbor's reach of them that's true it is very close to pearl harbor san diego a lot of those mountains out there used to be uh world war ii bases yes yeah what's the base that they don't they have a good ass base out there i don't know if it's still it used to be World War II bases. Yes. Yeah. What's the base that they... Don't they have a good-ass base out there? I don't know if it's still...

It used to be like a nuclear defense base. What is the base in San Diego? Or like a missile defense base. Something like that. I went on a hike out there and I read the... Read some shit. Naval base, city of San Diego, Point Loma. Maybe that's where I was

Or Marine Corps Air Station Miramar Oh is that one of those places? Fuck It's gonna be great sun down there Coronado PB

Great sun La Jolla Gonna need to bring I'm hoping to get out to La Jolla Or La Jolla As you probably say it La Jolla La Jolla with your fucking

LA Jolla That sounds like a rapper's name or la jolla as you probably say it la jolla la jolla with your fucking la jolla that sounds like a rapper's name la jolla but yeah i'm doing the comedy store when i'm out there sold out of course but all uh all 40 tickets only took me two months of promoting um in the second biggest city in america of promoting um in the second biggest city in america um here you go brother it's so funny when you when you do shit like that like everyone's got an answer for you to try and make you feel less bad like you'll call i'll call my manager and i'll be like yeah like still not sold out and they'll be like well you know la they're late ticket buyers it's like yeah i'm sure all of la is late ticket buyers i forgot that i

know that all of the 10 million people that live in la same shit was happening to adele at the forum yeah everybody just bought day of she was bugging out but uh that's that should be fun that's gonna be a little bit of a more of a showcase than a what the fuck does that mean i booked a bunch of people on it as opposed to what does that mean i booked a bunch of people on it as opposed to what don't all shows have a bunch of people on them i know some of them it's just three this is six probably okay so like a show at the stand yeah and then of course i'll just polish it off put a bow on it you're gonna put bow on the show i'm gonna put a bow on it bow's not ready for this bro you're probably still high from that time you guys smoked Fat Doobies when you were 14.

Fat Doobs. We were probably like way younger than that. Really? Yeah. Where'd you guys get the stuff from? He bought it from some girl. And I remember she gave it to him and she was like, be careful with this. And we were like, really scared?

We were like, what is in this? No, it turns out nothing. It was empty weed? Yeah. Was it actually weed? Or did they hit you with like a pencil shaving? No, it turns out nothing. It was empty weed? Yeah. Was it actually weed? Or did they hit you with like a pencil shaving? I think it was salvia. Oregano.

Oh, salvia? Yeah. No, salvia is a way harder drug. I know. I was joking. Oh, very funny. Dumbass. But they fucking literally would sell salvia over the counter.

Spice. They sell, no. Is salvia and spice the same thing? That's K2 is spice. Spice is K2. But they would make that shit look like weed. Spice. Yeah.

Not really though. The shit that, I mean, they would try. I never actually saw spice in real life. I just looked up what it was. We would buy that at like K-Chops. We have like a whole seminar at school about like spice. And it was like the equivalent of having like a seminar at school about like lean. Being like, kids are going to offer you lean. Don't do it. Like they made spice out to be the same that I was going to be like having to turn down every single day. And I remember one time me and my boy were living in Maniunk right out of college. Maniunk is this town right by Philly.

I know Maniunk. Of course. Yeah. You're a Philly guy. I forget. We couldn't find weed to buy. We couldn't find real weed to buy. So you bought some spice?

We bought spice, but we're like, spice only lasts for like 20 minutes and just makes you tired. We need to ramp up the spice. So we fucking cracked a blunt and like, usually you gut the blunt, but we're like, let's leave half this shit from in here. So we like, it was half blunt guts, half like let's leave half this shit from in here so we like it was half blunt guts half spice tobacco was what we typically call that yeah but it's like not good tobacco it's not like fine smoking tobacco it's like the shit it's supposed to be dumped out

to the world yeah yeah because it's evil and probably like sprayed with fucking like green apple chemicals or something like that and then we put that into like a two liter and fucking tried to smoke it it was the most violent smoking experience that didn't get us any type of good high at all we just like wanted to go to sleep right away so spice is not that crazy they always made spice seem like it was like pcp i think it's unregulated so there's probably incredible spice and there's probably just spice that's like fake weed that makes you fall asleep right away yeah but uh like in philly there was like a big problem with uh spice or 2k 2k k2 k2 2k uh they would uh but they didn't drug

test for it so like outside of the family court in philly they would people would just be like fried off of spice because you can't drug test for it. Yeah. But like, you're just going into like, try and get custody of your child where you're high on like the most potent drug known to man.

Spice. That's how I spice got her name. Yeah. Cold spice. Yeah. That cold ass spice. Yeah. Maybe I'll smoke some spice tonight.

You should. Yeah. just give it a try that'll be a good way to panic before your fucking biggest shows in your life i'm gonna smoke some spice before my don't tell said is your manager coming out i think yeah really yeah they had to go out and buy half the tickets i don't think that i don't sell the tickets for this for oh they're going out for don't Tell. Yeah. Not for the belly room. No. Got it, got it, got it. And how will you be able to tell if Don't Tell went well? I'm going to record it on my phone.

I do that for everything though. Are you going to put it out? No, I'm going to record the audio so that I can listen back to it 800 times. I do that for every big thing and no one else seems to do that. But like I. I wouldn't want to hear myself again. I would want to just live in a world where it went well. No. hundred times i do that for every big thing and no one else seems to do that but like i i wouldn't want to hear myself again i would want to just live in a world where it went well no why i'd rather know because dude you gotta wait like like francis is gonna have to wait like months to see that that footage yeah but he knows it went well but wouldn't you rather hear it and

confirm those thoughts but they were watching a clip of it afterwards and they were like huddled around with his managers. Because unless I destroy at Don't Tell, I know I'm going to get off and be like, that fucking sucked. So I'm going to want to have the audio so I can listen back and be like, oh, that actually wasn't bad at all.

What's the last destruction that you remember? Like annihilation, like 25 kill streak. Like what? Like that's how i did well on stage last no no not well like like the last time you like hit your like scrape the ceiling of how well it can go oh man i don't know uh i did a guest spot at the stand one friday because i i had i was only booked on the late shows and I asked if I could go up earlier and they let me do 8 minutes downstairs on like the 10pm show

and it was sold out and I destroyed them on that. Really? Yeah, murdered. People were loving it? Yeah. How good did that feel? Great. What did you think about yourself after? Oh, that was actually the same day as UFC 300 and then I remember I wasn't supposed to, actually i wasn't booked and then they gave

me a spot and then i killed and then i stayed for all of ufc 300 yeah and you still had the fucking biggest knockout of the night oh yeah easily easily yeah who was in the who who actually that's bad podcast but add podcasting for me to try to talk about UFC 300. Yeah, I don't know. Anything I could tell you. Holloway? Wasn't Holloway one of the guys? Maybe. That was really fun. Orie?

Maybe. I remember that night being very fun. People are fucking pissed right now. We just got unsubscribed by some people. I don't think any UFC fans listen to this podcast. I would. Greer. I beg to differ.

I wish I went to darts with all those boys. Yeah, did you go on? How was it? Better or worse than the last year? I hate to hear that. It's sad because Quiggs is out at fucking pop punk, fucking raging. I know. What the hell is he doing out there?

Quiggs is supposed to be the backbone of darts. Same with Max. Yeah, that's true. Max is at at pop punk everybody's at pop punk tj flew out for darts really i know that was uh what about ebo was he here or no he was in chicago that guy that guy's got an ego problem ebo i heard they're calling him ego yeah yeah um egomaniac he's too good for darts dude uh one thing i admired about the uh chicago office is how like supportive they were of francis oh that was crazy no one came they did the same thing to me when i did zanies it's all bullshit they all bullshit you yeah why do they go oh what what night are you doing shows oh well i'm doing eight shows at Zanies, so you should be able to make one.

I literally- Not a single person came. Titus came. Yeah. And Hank came. I thought- Actually, I guess a lot of- And Nick came, too.

So maybe that's wrong. Well, zero people came for Francis. No, not a single- The only person that tried to come was Dante, and he wasn't on the list. He got denied at the door. He's like, with this fucking company, this always fucking happens.

But I was talking to Francis in the green room in between shows and he did write down Dante's name. He said he put it on the list. I think his manager fucked it up. Yeah. Or he texted it to his manager. His manager didn't write it down. No, I think his manager did.

His manager texted him. The venue fucked it up. But, I mean, Dante tweeted a picture of the list. Yeah, he wasn't on it texted him. The venue fucked it up. But, I mean, Dante tweeted a picture of the list. Yeah, he wasn't on it. Yeah. The venue fucked it up. Alrighty, let's talk about game time. Game time.

The official ticketing partner of Marshall Sports. The official ticketing partner of Son of a Boy Dad. It's so easy. I mean, you could just pull that shit up right now, probably. I'm pulling it up right now. Yankees tickets right now, $5. That's a steal. And, I mean, we'll get to this at the end,

but you can get $20 off your first purchase. So does that mean that game time is going to give you $15 to go with your Yankees ticket? Or I guess you buy four Yankees tickets. I'm looking at Billy Joel tickets right now for MSG. $280. It's a steal. Stop the steal. And they're good tickets, too bucks for good lock him up unbelievable stuff great tickets at all times and i mean how easy is it

to interface that thing oh it's so easy right like you can just i'm clicking on it right now you can look at the whole msg and you can find exactly where you want to sit right in front of the stage you could sit front row you could sit you could be an uptown girl or you could sit all the way out in Vienna if you want I've actually heard rumors that Billy Joel if you sit all the way at the back row he'll come up and he'll bring you up front yeah for the common man he selects he's he's a fucking so go ahead and buy a street in 307, row two. Well, there's not a bad seat in the house with game time. Oh, no.

And the best part, the thing that I like, too, is that you can see the view. They let you, like, once you click on your ticket, they show you the view of where you're going to be sitting. You can see who's going to be next to you. Yeah. You can look at the poor saps who are behind you. Yeah, exactly. Or if you want to be in the back row, all the poor saps who have to sit in front of you. But yeah, GameTime, the absolute best in the world.

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S-O-A-B-D, like son of a boy dad. Results may vary. Not offered in every state. Medication prescribed only if clinically appropriate. Consultation required. Back to the show. Francis had like Calebaleb williams cm punk just in case they stopped by laurie lightfoot just in case they stopped by fucking dante was seething kanye west there is a certain buzz around chicago right now though about caleb williams and like the bears and hard knocks i know i listened

to a bears podcast the other day just because i wanted to tap into their delusional or i wanted to tap into the buzz that they had going yeah it's the same thing with the patriots and the patriots think that they're going to win the super bowl this year because they have drake may he's not even going to start a single game and at least the bears have three good wide receivers yeah drake may is going to have to throw it up well himself. Well, we have good wide receivers. No, you don't. Yeah, we do. They have the worst receiving core in the league. Baker. Javon Baker. Yeah, UCF.

It's got potential. It's the worst receiving core in the league. He's top 10 in the NFL. He said it himself. He said, ain't no way there's 10 receivers better than me in this league. I believe him. Are you talking about a wide receiver being confident in his skill set? I believe him.

I mean, you have to be confident in your skill set. I don't know. I fucked with that heavy. That was way cooler than Caleb Williams texting the punter being like, not going to need to punt that much this year. You think that Javon Baker has 40 catches this year? 60. Wow.

Top 10 in the league. Yeah. There will be like 10 guys that have twice as many catches as him. Has there ever been a rookie that's gotten 1,000 yards for a season? 100%. Yeah. Justin Jefferson. I guess that makes sense.

Yeah, that was a dumb question. It's okay. I don't know. I think Marvin Harrison Jr. is going to be a bust, and I think Javon Baker is going to be the future of the league. No. Yeah. What about, did you see the Giants receiver Malik Neighbors?

No. He has a horse cock. Yeah. You know who looks really good on the Patriots is that Joe Milton. That's his name, right? The backup quarterback? Yeah, third string. I think he might start over.

I think he might start over. He has a rocket of an arm. He has a rocket. Have you been watching training camp shit? Oh, yeah. He's showing it off in training camp? Dude, he's the great arm. Really?

I mean, I think Brissette's going to start all year, and then I think it's going to be bad when they start Joe Milton over Drake May. I know. Drake May's a little boy. He's a young boy. He's a young boy. He's a fresh-faced young boy. Yeah.

He's like Zach Wilson or Mac Jones. But I think what you do is you start Milton for two seasons, and then you flip him for a first-round pick. Yeah. And then you put in May. Yeah, and then we get a receiver. And then you get a receiver. Yeah.

Once May's ready. Marvin Harrison Sr. Jr. Marvin Harrison Jr. Sr. Yeah. Marvin Harrison III. He'll be ready by then. But, I mean, if Javon Baker's as good as you want, Milton to Baker. Milton to Baker has got potential.

Milton to Baker, 24. Yeah, I like that. Print the fucking t-shirts. Yeah, I really like that. Now I'm bullish on the Patriots. I think they got potential. I don't think they're going to be as bad as some of us have been saying, myself. Yeah, defense is going to be sick.

Their defense is good. It's sick. Yeah. And Gerard Mayo is a defensive coach. He's a genius. Yeah, he knows his is good. It's sick. Yeah. And Gerard Mayo is a defensive coach. He's a genius. Yeah, he knows his way. And he's young. Yeah.

He could still, I mean, he might suit up some practices. Yeah, he probably will. He'll get on the field. He'll definitely get on the field. I heard he's been running practices in full pads and uniform.

No. Yeah. I fucking love the pads. Yeah. I might cop a new sweatshirt. Pads gear? Yeah. Good man.

Maybe I'll buy you one. How many of those, of that archetype, do you have? Two? Of these? Five. No, you don't. Yeah. Do you actually?

Yeah. Where do you get them from? Depop. What's that? It's like a thrift store online. Really? Yeah. Damn.

They're fucking great. Yeah, they're nice. Don't you get a little bit hot in the summertime? I wore short short sleeves here but i knew it was going to be not warm in here so or not cold getting back from chicago i uh oh it was hot as shit getting off that plane so hot i was roasting like a pig i didn't like it at all i slept the entire flight it was great i woke up oh i forgot about this i remember waking up i fell asleep before the plane even took off I woke up. Oh, I forgot about this.

I remember waking up. I fell asleep before the plane even took off. And then I woke up and I just remember people running around being like, is anyone a doctor? For you? And then I just, I just put my shit on noise canceling and fell right back asleep. They were going over the announcements and there was flight attendants going up and down. Did you know what happened? No, no idea.

You just chose to ignore it? I just chose to ignore it. I was like, I don't have time for this. What if it was for you? It wouldn't have been for me. What if you were so deeply asleep that they thought you were dead? That happened to me one time when I came home from the Patriots parade.

Or no, I came home from- Which one? Am I right? 20, it had to have been 2017 right oh no they didn't win 2017 eagles won in 2017 2018 against the rams when was the last time they won the super bowl against the rams in 2018 yeah no didn't they beat you're thinking of tom brady with the bucks yeah that is what i'm thinking of yeah um i went to that and i got really drunk and then i came home and i fell asleep and i woke up and my mom was checking my pulse is anybody a doctor yeah that was crazy i i remember when we landed i was like i hope this isn't gonna be like ambulances

waiting and shit yeah well it will get you to land faster. Yeah. But no problem. Everyone got off the plane normally. Really? Yeah. Somebody was frauding. Yeah. I think someone was like hyperventilating or some shit. That happened to me as a kid. They had to bring out the oxygen tank? Yeah. Really? I hyperventilated on a plane. I was like, me and my sister were unaccompanied minors. We flew on a plane and i was like i i just couldn't breathe you had a nervous breakdown i wasn't even nervous i was pretty calm about it but i just couldn't breathe i clinically told everyone i cannot breathe yeah that's anxiety there's really no health problems that would make it so you just out of nowhere just can't breathe asthma maybe

asthma do you have asthma as a child i did Why did everyone have asthma as a child? I think they were given, it's like, it was like ADD before ADD. Everyone I knew had an inhaler. Like they needed a way to make kids feel special. Inhalers never did anything for me. One of my friends who I will not name names, who was going to the military has asthma and he hasn't had it in like 10 years and he had a flare up the other day and he can't get, he couldn't get an inhaler because if he gets an inhaler, then it goes on his record. No. Yeah. I mean, a lot of kids that have asthma are just in bad shape yeah yeah

absolutely it's just like you can't run like you like get out of breath when you try to do something uh athletic yeah it's like yeah you have no wind your lungs are tiny but there's like i used to have the fucking regular inhaler just the white yeah but then i had one that was like a disc and like powder would go into your lungs. Oh, really? It was kind of tasty. It was like this purple disc. You could like slide it back. Interesting.

I never had one of those. It was like a sugary powder. I never had any of them. You never had asthma? No. Always had good lungs. They like landed the plane early. My dad was like waiting there and they like brought me off in like an oxygen.

No. Like an oxygen tank. That's like a core memory. Yeah, I guess I got in early. That's a core memory. It was a core oxygen tank. That's like a core memory. That's a core memory. It was a core memory. Being rescued is always a core memory. It taught me the value of victimhood. And shame.

No, not shame. Victimhood. How powerful victimhood is. Have I ever told the story about when I got in the scandal with my parents about I had to get rescued while skiing and I lied? No. For like years and told them that never happened. Really? Yeah.

You gas at them? Yeah. Why? I was, I was. Embarrassed? Very embarrassed. I was playing, I was on a, I was probably in second grade, third grade maybe. And I was playing hockey and we were skiing.

We were on vacation and we went skiing and I ran into a kid on the team on our hockey team who was a snowboarder and he was like yeah come come ski with me and he took me up higher on the mountain than i'd ever been and i couldn't go down i tried to walk down and i tried to slide on my ass and then the ski patrol came over and they made me go in one of the the stretcher and they slid me down the whole mountain and then you get down to the bottom of the mountain and they like have to like unstrap you and then i just in front of everybody in front of everybody in front of like all the lift lines and shit and then i uh you just get up and you walk like you're just wheelchair people at the airport yeah you just get up and you walk away normally and then uh my parents were like how was it and i was like oh it was fun it was great and uh really because

we have a three thousand dollar000 hospital bill. Yeah. And then the next week we had a hockey game and one of their parents, one of the kid's parents told my parents, they were like, sorry about what happened with Harry, having to get rescued. And my parents were like, what happened? And I was like, I have no idea what they're talking about. That's crazy. They're lying. I don't know why they lie to you.

They're trying to smear my name. And then for months I would deny it. And then my parents would deny it to their parents parents they'd be like he says that never happened and then eventually I confessed and I got in a ton of trouble you got in trouble for lying? yeah

I lied about it for like a long time and it was like every night they would be like they're saying again that like you got rescued on the mountain and I'd be every night they would be like they're saying again that like you got rescued on the mountain and i'll be like i don't know why they're saying that that never happened they're a lot they're trying to make me yeah we should hire a lawyer and sue them because this is literally liable well the crazy thing is that I don't know why my parents believed me. I was like 11 years old and they were taking my word over these other parents' word. Stop trying to make our son look weak.

You're not going to start over him in hockey. Yeah, but that was a big deal. I got in a ton of trouble for that. I don't care how much misinformation you spread. I used to get in a lot of trouble when I was really young. It's crazy how big of a deal lying was as a little kid was the worst then my parents after that happened my parents tried to like make it seem like i had a lying problem yeah my dad would be like did you take the trash out and i'd be like yeah and he'd be like

no you didn't why are you lying like that's not a lot i just lied to you to say that i'm gonna do it i didn't want to get in trouble when i was in you know that's not lying that's not a lie. I just lied to you to say that I'm going to do it. I didn't want to get in trouble when I was in, that's not lying. That's like stretching the truth. He's not going to know. I'll go do it when he's not paying attention and then I won't get in trouble. Well,

dude, like kids find out about lying at like four years old and then it's like, Oh, you, this isn't an option. You don't have to be completely honest about what's going on. Like, no,

yeah. It wasn't like I was like coming up with like these crazy lies. time i like did you do your homework yeah no i didn't do my homework it's not lying well that is lying yeah i guess but it's like normal lying i went to uh i like i was in the outdoor summer basketball league and my mom was like just a freak about like sunblock and shit like that yeah yeah and she was like did you put on sunblock and i was like yeah i put on sunblock and somehow i don't even know how she found out that i didn't put on some yeah but she literally like pulled me off the fucking basketball court really and like and like took me home it was like you didn't put on fuck it and

i like that's a funny one to get caught for too because you know you're gonna get caught within the hour when your skin is on fire right yeah i'm just like fucking beat red yeah and i was like she drove us i was like a three minute drive home and i like broke down oh yeah i was like i'm sorry it wasn't released to get it off my chest but i was so sorrowful and remorseful and i think she probably like took me back to the basketball game and my face was like blotchy from crying yeah yeah crying as a kid and then having to like get on the bus or something like that and you're just like you're fucking all your skin is just my dad lied to me when i was young and he told me that friday the 13th was based on a true story and it happened in massachusetts and i went and i told everyone

about it right like your parents are lying to you all the time that was okay but what i did like he made me he made me out to be a damn fool exactly everyone was like now that obviously didn't happen i was like my dad told me which happened i was like my dad, that obviously didn't happen. I was like, my dad told me. Which happened first? I was like, my dad knew the guy that happened. No, it happened. It legitimately happened. It was based on one of my dad's friends growing up. Really? Because at the end of the movie, it says it.

Which happened first, though? Did you lie first or did your dad lie first? That was probably right around the same time period. You should have confronted your dad with his lying problem. I know. His lying ass. Yes. That's a fucked up joke yeah you know that horror movie that scared you it's true no it's happening right

here it's in our neighborhood parents lie to kids all the time yeah yeah the biggest lie is when parents tell their kids they're like uh you like there's a black spot shows up on your tongue if you're lying yeah have you ever heard that one i never got that i didn't even get it but my one of my little cousins would get it and i was like this is fucking evil yeah my cousins got some fucked up shit my younger cousins there's a let me stick out your tongue like shit yeah and a little kid would be like yeah yeah yeah i used to get in a ton of trouble i used to get in like crazy trouble when i was really young i remember i used to jump over the seats on the bus in school and i got caught for that and i had

to go to the principal's office literally the most fucking innocuous thing that you can do yeah i got in trouble for bullying twice one of them was worse that's's a problem. Yeah. They weren't that bad. You were a bully? No. That's so whack. No, I was definitely not. I was a victim for sure. No, you weren't.

You were a perpetrator. I was online. That's my problem. You were bullying online? I was starting shit online. No. Yeah, that was in like sixth grade. What was the nature of the bullying? Oh, you probably already had a Twitter account by then.

No, it was like a kid. what was the nature of the bullying oh you probably already had a twitter account by then no it was like a kid contemplating if i want to tell it was that bad no it wasn't bad you have to tell it now otherwise people will assume that you like forced someone to suicide yeah no it was like i was one of my friends growing up was he was like he was like obsessed with this girl and it was back when like ask fm was a big thing you remember that it was like the anonymous like forum and i was just commenting on it just being like yeah he's he's in love with you and i just like spammed it a bunch and then it like turned into this like massive scandal i don't know why what happened but i got a lot of it really

wasn't a big deal it's actually really funny looking back on it because like how because it was like the internet was like still new so my parents were like what are you doing you've ruined this this is gonna be on here forever i was like you could not like the fbi wouldn't be able to find that right now it's also the exact same as going up to someone in school and being like you know he likes you right yeah i think i was just commenting a bunch of nasty shit like cuss words and stuff or like he wants to fuck you yeah shit like that but it was like i don't know who cares and then i had to like write i remember i i remember having to write apology letters multiple times you were a fucking so i had to write an apology letter and put it in that person's mailbox which is that's almost more embarrassing it was really embarrassing no no for the kid to get the apology letter oh yeah because

it's like oh my parents well because my friend folded and blamed everything on me that's what this was the problem so i wrote probably like 10 things and it was like ask fm back then it was like everyone was on it so they're were like, everyone had like 700. Screen names? Screen, like things on their forum or whatever. And there was some sort of like misconception where like his parents asked if he did it. And they were like, no, it was all Harry. And then my parents took that as I wrote every single post on this forum.

Yeah. So there was like 900. And they're like, what are you doing? Are you fucking insane? Yeah. But in reality, I wrote like 10 of them. And I got in a bunch of trouble for that. That wasn't a big deal. It's not that big of a deal.

It's probably pretty funny. It was a big deal when I was a kid. I got in a fuck ton of trouble for that. But then you probably just realized that you could go to Twitter and just bully celebrities instead of your friends. Yeah, that's where I took it and uh no i got in a bunch i remember i like i didn't have a phone for like three years after that from all of middle school i had oh it was on the on your phone i had no social media in all middle school really yeah

until high school until ninth grade i got a phone but then you were you were born in the darkness and that's when i really took it out they unleashed you yeah you were like preparing yeah they didn't like that you had uh just like pent up tweets from three years prior yeah while you're asking if they just let you get it out of your system on ask fm you probably wouldn't have wound up in barstool i'd probably be in like finance or some shit probably would have never made that meme of that hot dog yeah well that's the funny thing is i guess i can't say i was a bully because i was like a total loser. Like I definitely wasn't. No one was looking at me being like, stay away from that kid.

He's trouble. I was like fat and like had braces in like ninth grade of high school. Same. It was hilarious. We probably looked similar. And then there was another look about us. Yeah, there was another incident when I was really young i was probably in like first grade but uh yeah there was a there was an asian kid on the bus and kids were giving him the pinky because that used to be like the people said that was the

middle finger in asia oh yeah i actually had nothing to do with this and i still to this day deny that i ever had anything to do with it i was sitting next to the kid who was doing it and then i got in a ton of trouble for that yeah right and he denied all of it he blamed it all on me i didn't do you were always just had someone else blame it on you but you never did it you were actually always innocent i would i would have made if i did that it would have been hilarious but i never did that i mean when i was in fucking middle school they were still fucking hit hitting the chinese eyes yeah yeah they're going chinese japanese siamese like look at these yeah i didn't have anything to do with that at all and i still think to this day that my parents don't believe me because like that kid yeah because you're the boy who cried wolf because

we got in trouble on the bus and And then that kid had his mom. His mom was like not. You were both giving the pinkie. No, I wasn't. You didn't knock at the pinkie. I forget what the kid's name even was. Not the kid, not the Asian kid. The other kid that actually did it. And he like, his mom got on the bus and like cussed out everyone.

She was like. You should not be doing this. No, no, no. Not the Asian kid. The kid that actually was being the racist. And his mom got on the bus and she was like my son would never do that it was you and then i got in trouble i got brought to the office we both got brought to the office and uh and my parents were like unbelievably mad did you tell them that it doesn't actually mean the middle finger in chinese what it

was because i didn't do it i wasn't the one that did it but then i remember i got grounded for a month and i remember i was outside and i had to rake leaves and there was a we had a we had a tree that had all these like berries on them and i was taking the the the rake and i was smacking it against the tree because all the berries would fall and it turned out there was a hornet's nest like this big in that tree. And I got stung like nine times. Yeah. I ran inside screaming. That's what you get. Yeah. Ripping my clothes off. So you've been a victim of injustice for a lot of your life. Yes. In that like you never do anything wrong, but you're always in the wrong place at the wrong time. No, I got in trouble for jumping over the seats on the bus. And that was one that I owned. I was like i was doing that right you own the one that wasn't

bullying or racism you own the one that wasn't actually no i did the other one too but i didn't do the racist one that wasn't me the racist one was absolutely if you're six years old what racist that was because it was so crazy because they were like what did you they were like saying all this stuff and i was like i don't even know what you're taught i didn't i don't even i didn't even know that this happened if you're six years old and racist though it's not even your fault it's your parents fault yeah your parents should have grounded their own asses but that's why it doesn't make sense because my parents aren't racist yeah right they probably drank fucking tea with their pinky up yeah exactly i didn't do anything you're racist as parents i would love to

know who it was that did it because i'm i'm very having a very hard time remembering his name yeah we got to find a mirror to fucking find out who it was but yeah that was a big deal i actually ended up being friends with the asian kid for a little bit after that yeah you need someone to cheat off in math class yeah well that's racist i would never have said something like that or even assumed something like that. I guess it is racist to assume that they're really good at something. Yeah. Stereotypes. Unlike saying that Japanese people have smelly assholes.

That's not racist. If they don't have smelly assholes, why don't they have soap in their hotels? It's not even a japanese hotel we're just calling it japanese i thought it was you told me see a classic misunderstanding this is exactly what happened i'm going off of what someone else told me i thought it actually was a japanese i call it a japanese hotel you say the japanese have smelly assholes and then you tell your parents that i was the one being racist you told that's not racist I'm saying they have smelly assholes because they don't have soap. You're the one that it's not even

a Japanese hotel? I don't know. Let's look it up. Let's look it up. Citizen M Japanese. Once again, I'm falling. I'm a victim.

There are Citizen M's in Japan. But it's from the Netherlands. Okay. Well well then we'll switch it people from the netherlands have smelly assholes that can't be that's not as funny though it's not nearly as well we gotta keep it with chet yeah um did you ever get in trouble all the time you were a troublemaker you were getting any racist scandals i had a guilty conscience as a kid i think i tell people when you did something wrong i like cursed that like football practice in sixth grade and i came home and i told my parents yeah i was kind of like that too so i got fucking shouldn't do it i could not tell a lie but i yeah i'm low-key george washington yeah or a who chopped down a cherry

tree i think it was george washington yeah george washington said i cannot tell a lie yeah i think it was the rail splitter honest abe though i thought lincoln was the vampire hunter yeah um but i like softened the curse word that i said like i said something worse and i was like I said damn it yeah yeah yeah I said fuck so I was like I got the credit in my own brain for confessing it

but like I didn't make it as bad yeah I would do that I would do that one time I I was watching like an Eagles Washington Redskins game

and I like yelled out that someone was a douche bag yeah my parents were like Adam where did you hear that word I never did that i never did anything like that but i didn't even i didn't know it was bad i think i heard it from like

adam sandler album yeah it's like douchebag it's a fun cool word to say yeah german sounding it is a fun cool world to say i'm trying to think how what other types of trouble i used to i would like uh they'd have uh like i i testing in high school you know some days you have like eye testing in high school. You know how some days you have like eye testing or they'll test like kids for tics or whatever. They're like head lice or whatever. They would do it in the principal's office. So I come home to my parents. I'd be like, I had to go to the principal's office today.

What? Funny. I was like, they're doing eye testing. We never did that. We always did that in gym. All those like physical exams. We never did that. We always did that in gym. What? All those like physical exams. The lice test.

We'd all have to line up with our shirts off to see if we had scoliosis. Yeah, that's crazy. It turned out that the guy that was testing us was a pedophile. Yeah. Bend over and touch your toes. I want to see if your back's straight. Yeah. The girls need to do it too.

I can't test. I can't see it with your young bras on. These fucking perverts. Well, it's crazy that they tested for lice once a year. We never got tested for lice. It must have been a foregone error. It must have been a local thing. You guys probably had a lice problem.

You think? Yeah. It was like every year though. You go in and get a lice test. We never had that. Really? Ever. They would like go in and like take a ruler through your go in and get a lice test we never had that really ever they would like go in and like take a ruler through your hair and like check for lice it's like well what if it happened a different time of the year must have been some dirty kids at our blue ribbon

school of excellence yeah we got there was kids kids were getting trouble at our school all the time for like drawing like swastikas and shit swastikas were hilarious yeah but it would be like it would never be like some it would never be like someone just like drew a swastika on like their paper it'd be like they like carved it into like the wall of the gym and be like all right dude well clearly you're gonna get in trouble for that yeah in middle school no i was always in like i think it was one kid did it in high school he got suspended um and then we had like bomb threats and shit all the time. Really? When I was in middle school, someone in the high school.

What type of troubled ass Boston public school did you go to? When I was in middle school, someone in the high school lit the trash can in the bathroom on fire. And then the kid that did it, I knew. The kid that found out, I knew. And he almost got in trouble because he's the one that reported it. And then they were like, well, you were in the bathroom when it happened. And then he was like, I didn't. Why would I have told you guys if I lit the trash can on fire?

Yeah. With guilty conscience. I guess. Same type of shit. Yeah. Damn. It was a wild and fun time. Yeah.

Not anymore. People don't really get into shit like that anymore. I bet they do. I bet there's bad kids. I think it's just all online. Or it's like if you're going to get in some trouble, you just do a school shooting. Yeah. Yeah.

You don't light trash cans on fire anymore. You swing for the fences. You just kill everybody. They shouldn't have made swastikas so fucking easy and fun to draw. Swastikas drawing without the iconography behind it well they date back way before yeah it's truly a native american symbol we're just celebrating our hopi ancestors you know what it means love and prosperity yeah but they it's like the same as the like the s yeah it's exactly the same even it might even be better yeah the s i mean the s was easy and fun to draw too and

then it became the ss 88 yeah white pride like white pride is just dudes who like to doodle yeah it's dudes who didn't pay attention in math class yeah they just were incredible at doodling doing a fucking intricate ass doodle was so fun oh yeah you just like fill up an entire page of doodle yeah i used to have these binders that were very easy to draw with pencil on. They would be a disaster. Some kids would fucking be great at Doodles. I remember I was fucking beatboxing math class. One time this kid, Tim Campbell, turned around and was like, dude, that one was actually a really good beatbox.

Damn. I was like, damn, I am black. Shout out to Tim. Shout out to Tim Campbell. He had the fucking ear, bro. He had the ear and the vision. You've fucking crushing weights now i haven't should we wrap this up though because we got to record again tomorrow oh fuck yeah we went 20 minutes over yeah all right thank you guys for listening i'll be back tomorrow sorry about uh being i'm a little bit sick right now but uh thanks for rocking with me

we'll be back tomorrow goodbye goodbye