Son of a Boy Dad - Snorkeling | Son of a Boy Dad #202

Episode Date: May 23, 2024

Snorkeling | Son of a Boy Dad #202 -- Follow us on our socials: https://linktr.ee/sonofaboydad -- Merch: https://store.barstoolsports.com/collections/son-of-a-boy-dad -- SUBSCRIBE TO THE YOUTUBE #SonOfABoyDad #BarstoolSportsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, Son of a Boy Dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. All right, ready? All right. Yes, yes, yes. Welcome back. No, you don't do that.

That's my job. Son of a Boy Dad. Welcome back to the Son of a Boy Dad podcast. Today, I guess I'll restart.'ll restart no no i just wanted to be able to sync audio welcome back to the son of a boy dad podcast today it is a day we don't know which day it is but it is a day it could be next week or it could be three months from now and we are here live from hq3 the bruins may or may not be still in the nhl stanley cup playoffs And we are here live from HQ3.

The Bruins may or may not be still in the NHL Stanley Cup playoffs. Or, you know. That transsexual woman may or may not have won the tournament of champions in Jeopardy. Is that happening? That's my Stanley Cup playoffs, the tournament of champions. Yeah? I've been watching that shit fucking locked in. What's the tournament of champions? They get like the best trans autists and set them up oh nice set them up on stage and they're fucking geniuses quick that's interesting that's happening right

now oh yeah i mean they probably filmed it when alex trebek was still alive but it's happening now you think they bank episodes what of course you think jeopardy's live i'd assume so they know they record jeopardy like months in advance but they know every day when everything's going to come out so they'll record the president's day episode and fucking on halloween ah interesting big time that's very interesting and they don't seem to have a problem with it. Francis, how was the special taping? We're not that current of a show. But should we talk about Harrison Bucker or what? You guys see this?

You hear about this? I did. I watched it. Harrison Bucker? No. I don't even know who that is. I couldn't believe some of the things that were coming out of his mouth. Not so much the football player not so much the like gender being out of date on that you know that i guess whoops

but more the stuff of like the latin church that he was talking about like dude when did you get sucked into this medieval sorcery? Yeah. What is the college? He doesn't know Vatican II happened. Where is he talking and what is going on there? Can someone dumb it down for me? Because I didn't want you out of this one. Fine by me.

Oh, you caught my mic? Harrison Bucker was basically like women belong at home in like child rearing capacity. And that like if you went and spent all this time getting your degree and you're focused on like advancing your career, that that is a ignoble pursuit. Yeah. For a woman? Yeah. that and then he started breaking down crying and uh saying that you know a big reason he's been able to have the success that he's had is because his wife embraced her work as a as a homemaker yeah which is easy to say as a millionaire that shit's fucking and like like you can just buy

your wife what she wants if your wife if you're like of any other means your wife will want shit and you're gonna want to not buy it for her yeah you're gonna want her to buy that shit herself with the money that she earned so what did he say that was wrong he was discouraging a group of graduates let's get gia and kelly keegs in here this was at a college graduation no yeah it was a fucking commencement speech that's crazy gia and kelly actually i go to gia and kelly keeks for any news i when i want to know what to think of something i see what what is gia and kelly keeks thing yeah they saw bussing with the boys posted it right they did i don't know if they had i don't know if they had seen the whole speech because they said butker just gave one hell of a speech and i

don't know if they meant that glowingly or like this was something i think they have the same dude running their socials that runs the old row account i think it is but i mean you can't just say this is something that's like the non that's like a classic barstool move to give a non-reaction reaction to something be like wow that was wild yeah like you're not saying anything right by saying it was wild you're not saying that it was good that it was bad you're just trying to react with the most evocative term possible without having any opinion at all yeah boy that doesn't sound like the worst place to live. Yeah, the middle. If I could master that, I think I'd have a better life. Call stuff bananas and wild then. That's crazy.

The Barstool socials, their captions are like, just simple Google search would make them a lot. They posted two days ago when McAvoy on the Bruins, I don't know if you guys are familiar, uh he like leveled a dude on the on the panthers in the opening the first shift of the game and they posted the clip and they said mcavoy just hit a dude in the in the center of the ice no names or anything just a dude and like, well, that guy's also in the NHL. He has a name. And then every other sports account said the guy's name,

but the Barstool one was McAvoy just leveled a dude, center ice. Man, these things are moving quick. We got to be on top of it. But still, ChatGPT will give you 10 hockey puns off the rip if you want to have just a single turn of phrase. ChatGPT will have those in as many seconds as it takes to type out a dude yeah and then viva la stool posted a one of frank singing sound of silence frank sings a song and they said uh of course frank knows the words to hello darkness my old friend like it's a meme song like they only knew the song name from the meme. They were like classic Frank.

He knows the words to one of the most famous songs ever. But also by the not title of the song. Not the title of the song. Yeah. Of course, Frank knows this. I don't, but Frank does.

And then they also lampoon Francis. Well, they said that I said, Francis recounts the time that he was in a serious relationship with Nikki Glaser. That has a tell-all about his ex-wife, Nikki Glaser. Jesus Christ. He reveals the sordid details of their sexual liaisons. It was so just misrepresenting like i said very

carefully and specifically we went on one date two dates i guess maybe that were not i you know i failed say something scathing about the viva la stool account and then see if they clip it and put it out oh they never do i always shit you always gave them and they never well because they've tried to fuck me dozens of times like nikki glazer or like francis with nikki exactly exactly let's get off of that holy there was one time when i came into the yak and i and i i was doing i think i did shane's show at the stand oh and i was yes and i and i they were like how was your night and i said it and then they clipped it out and tweeted it and were like sass had a wild night with at shane gillis and i was like delete this immediately i was i was texting like gas i was i was like this needs

to go i was like i don't want to seem like I like hung out with Shane. And then I'm on the podcast the next day being like, you'll never believe what I got into last night. But that's what you did do. No, it's not at all. It was literally like, they were like, what did you do last night? And then I told them what I did last night. Or I was probably like, how was the show at the stand? Yeah.

It was not even close to that. It was fun. Shane Gillis, you know him? Yeah. He's my friend. Yeah. I was hanging out with him and we do that a lot.

We're taking, they're literally taking a page out of the book of like the New York Post. Oh yeah. Yep. Trying to just make it as salacious as possible.

Well, they don't really like to boost up the employees. Yeah. Specific, like that was a, that was maybe one of your first doses of them

just trying to make you look as, but that's a routine was maybe one of your first doses of them just trying to make you look as but that that's a routine for sass the yaks the yaks socials they still clip they have like a a chronicled file of like uh sass foibles yeah they just dig up and they're like remember on october 6th they posted one like a couple months ago and they were like that time when the whole show voted that Sass was their second least favorite person on the show. And I was like, why is this something that we need to

resurface? This is a great day in history. Yeah. I was like it was wildly uncomfortable for me. And mean and just outwardly mean. Yeah, and they were like, we got to clip this out and get this up on every platform. Set a reminder for next year at this date. We're going to hash up your trauma.

We're going to dig up your trauma. How about eight inches and thick? It's unbelievably good. You might as well watch it just for the fun. It's like a man on the street. This girl's going up being like uh talking to like random dudes on like in like a beach in miami and she's like uh what kind of guys or no it's a it's a dude asking a girl a question and he's like what kind of what kind

of guys are you into there he has played they're they're like you like bodybuilders y'all like bodybuilders bodybuilders i like bodybuilders? Bodybuilders? I like skinny, scrawny guys. How about multimillionaires? How about eight inches and thick? How about talented? How about loving and respectful? I lost my wife 10 weeks ago. 21 years faithful.

My daughter committed suicide three weeks ago. Oh my God. 13. She was faster than me at 12. And I run a six minute mile. My testimony, I'm nothing but pure and I ask you if you want to be in a YouTube channel. And you like scrawny guys. i've never seen that that's insane

trying to prove i don't know how about eight inches and thick how about my daughter killed herself two weeks ago? She's faster than me at 12. Yes, but what age were you when she was 12? You're not giving us the full story there, Mr. Eight Inches and Thick. What about eight inches and thick? What about I was voted second most popular on the yak? This trauma dump.

A crazy trauma dump. What about my wife left me 10 weeks ago loyal 21 years and then he's like his daughter commits suicide he's like i gotta get to spring break yeah and he goes and then you say you like scrawny guys which to me means he's saying i'm not good enough for you but he's everything he said if i were one of those girls i would say yo none of this is compelling to me oh no these are horrible truths yes except for the eight inches and thick you're a millionaire multi-millionaire those are multi-millionaire truths and so i think that he psychologically i think that he was like he went what about multi-millionaire and like he got nothing and so really quickly he had to go to eight inches and thick.

And then he started worrying that he was making himself to be too shallow. That he's only concerned with earth and money. And so he's like, what about all these other things that make me who I am? What about this trauma? Can you save me? Victim class. How did you have that video just lined up? I have it in a holster.

I have a different phone for that video that I up that i have it in a holster i have a different phone for that video that i just whip out like it's the old west it is one of my favorite videos it's the best it's so insanely weird we've probably talked about it on this pod before but i also just enjoy it so much it's top 10 all time oh yeah videos for me yeah eight inches and thick like adding in the and thick he wanted is insane because they're probably tired of these fucking tapeworm eight inch dicks that are so thin they're like fruit by the foot they can't even stand flaccid i don't know if there's anyone on earth that has an eight inch penis that is not thick like who has an eight inch dick that's like oh you'd be surprised what about eight inches and thin as a razor

what a ticonderoga pencil how about a nice eight inch earthworm eight inches and thin as a slim jim i can pick deep locks with my penis what about my daughter she's still alive my wife's still with me she's in the hotel she doesn't know i'm out here that would be hilarious if his wife was just like getting ready for the day and he's out on the beach doing that shit lying Lying about it. If his daughter's still alive, it was like pretty slow. She doesn't have any foot speed at all. He comes back to the hotel and they're like, you seem stressed.

Why are you so pissed off? What's going on? So he's a bodybuilder, right? I'd assume. He's fucking jacked. He's super big and jacked. builder right i'd assume he's fucking jack he's super big and jacked and then all it took for him to go on that massive journey of his life was a girl saying that she liked scrawny guys oh yeah but that's like a big like jacked gym guy thing like jack dudes hate when girls don't like jack

dudes right really oh yeah because they're like look at all this fucking work that i've put in just for you to take that bum i was like well yeah your only personality trait is being jacked no not that yes and having an eight inch dick and did you not hear the rest and that his daughter killed himself this is the most multi-faceted man of all time yeah this guy has layers i don't know if you necessarily want that to be a personality trade your daughter killed herself oh yeah no that's not something 21 years faithful faithful though that's a good one those girls are probably like 18 yeah i've been faithful more longer than you've been alive and my daughter killed herself do you want to fuck me i asked you to be on my youtube channel that's my testament That's my testament.

That's my testament. It's crazy. He must have been getting bad answers all day. That had to have been the final straw. A culmination. Yeah. There's no way that that was like, if that was the first question of the day. I don't know.

He's got a lot going on. He's got a lot going on. Maybe he's running hot. Yeah. I'd like to see more videos. He would do the Oklahoma drill on the beach. Yeah, in Cabo. Yeah, absolutely.

In Punta Cana. Those videos give me the chills, man. Watch the man on the street things? No, just the ones of guys doing Oklahoma drills on the beach. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. When I'm on the beach, I don't want to be testing but my between myself and another man that i've just a stranger yeah which one of us can run through the other surrounded by a bunch of people yeah but again i think it's just like a jacked dude thing you got to show off your

like strength it's very primal but i bet if you had a couple like grenades in you like the rum drinks or something like beach drinks in you you, you might get into that. You'd start Oklahoma drilling. I could see that. But I think I'd be more likely to challenge someone to a breath holding contest in the ocean. You are. Why don't you tell the whole breath holding contest story that they robbed you of it and

Netflix is a joke? I feel like that story had fucking legs. I actually think at this point it lives better untold. Oh, it's the mystique of the story. Yeah, nobody will ever know how that ends. Can you do, do you do breath holding in the ocean? You can. It's harder though.

Yeah. You ever open your eyes in the ocean? Sure do. Hurts. Not as bad as you'd think. No, not as bad as you think. Not as badly as you'd think. You don't really, you can't really see that much. Not if if you stay on the top but if you dive all the way down you can see some stuff

it depends on where you are getting in your eyes not really i'm i because i know when to when to go when to when to close them up when to shut them down if you're in beautiful turks and caicos you can see everything that is true for miles, you can see everything. That is true. You can see for miles underwater. You can see the ocean floor 10 miles away. Bad fishing conditions. Yeah, but it's great snorkeling conditions. Great snorkeling conditions, but you don't want to be able to see everything. Because then the fish can see you.

Right. Right. What's the coolest thing you guys ever saw snorkeling? I've never been snorkeling. Yikes. Are you kidding? Snorkeling is one of the greatest joys in life. It really is.

Are you guys out of your fucking minds? Like that's a crazy thing that I've never been snorkeling in Turks and Caicos. It is a crazy thing. I'm not talking about Turks and Caicos. No, are you joking? You've never put on a mask in a fucking snorkel? All right, then I guess I'll answer your question. The bottom of a pool. That's the only time you've ever been snorkeling yes in a pool you've never snorkeled in an ocean no the hell's wrong with you that's kind of weird man i don't think that's weird at all it's not

never snorkeled either snorkeling is such like a it's it's like such a low barrier of entry yeah it really is good fun activity like you don't need any skills you don't even need to be able to swim you could just like bend over at your waist and put your face in fucking see something cool reefs giant turtles yeah no again i've never done it so yeah turtles and i've never been anywhere where there's turtles in the water the turtles that we see turtles i went and grabbed onto the shell of one or patted it or something and that was in uh tanzania really not tanzania not tanzania where the fuck was that maybe we'll do some snorkeling in virginia beach mozambique i did it in mozambique oh my god how was it amazing awesome

sea turtles are one of my favorite animals. The best. Just because of their age alone. Yeah. I aspire to live thousands of years like a sea turtle. Isn't there a turtle that's alive that's older than the United States? Probably. I'm pretty sure there is.

Greenland sharks live very long as well. Really? Hundreds of years. I think they live up to 500 years. What do you respect more, the Greenland shark or an ancient turtle? Greenland well. Really? Hundreds of years. I think they live up to 500 years. What do you respect more, the Greenland shark or an ancient turtle? Greenland shark, easily.

Really? They're so deep, though. You'll never see one. Yeah. So how do they even know? Not with that attitude. Yeah, you need to believe. But yeah, maybe you guys

could snorkel in Virginia Beach. Yeah. I'm going to do that. Should I see? I'm going to take him snorkeling. If you think I'm going in the water, you're out of your mind. Well, let's get you a shirt to wear. I'm definitely going to should I see him I'm gonna take him snorkeling if you think I'm going in the water you're out of your mind

well let's get you a shirt to wear I'm definitely gonna need a shirt to wear then you're gonna come in like a jacket I'm gonna need a jacket a suit coat

yeah yeah there's plenty of snorkeling wow Chesapeake Bay dive I mean I guess this is all this is in a fucking

strip mall I used to go snorkel I used to snorkel in my grandmother's pool and uh on cape cod and i would i would sing into the snorkel and i would come out of my mom would be standing over me screaming at me saying that i'm annoying everybody so i'll be i would be down there for like 45 minutes and i would sing uh that lady gaga song the yeah and i would sing that into the snorkel for like 45 minutes straight and then i would come up and my mom would be stop enough so annoying i want your love and i want your disease because i remember that was the time period when uh they

were making all those videos of the oranges singing you ever see those the old it was like original youtube stuff where they were just like it would be like very shitty green screen with an orange singing but they would do like a remix of one and it was it was the remake it was like food song remix it remixes and there was one for that song and it was like, Pa-ra-sta, Roma-ta-mi-ta, garlic, ooh-la-la. So I would watch that on my grandmother's computer and then I would sing it in the pool. How old were you?

Probably like nine. I probably did this like within the year. My wife's like pissed off at me. Because it does sound crazy. Yeah, screaming underwater is just like a fun activity. It's just the dynamics. But he's singing it out of the pipe. Yeah.

Which is a bit like a kazoo. Yeah, yeah. You notice how he had a story about snorkeling, even though he just said he's never snorkeled before. Yeah. And then you immediately have a story about snorkeling. In a pool. You guys said, what's the coolest thing you've ever about snorkeling, even though he just said he's never snorkeled before. Yeah. And then you immediately have a story about snorkeling. In a pool. You guys said,

what's the coolest thing you've ever seen snorkeling? A water filter. Those chlorine cubes in the filter. Those weighted sticks that you go down to the bottom and die. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A band-aid. Those are fun. Throw something like a coin in the bottom of the pool.

Everybody has to try and find it my grandparents had a sick ass pool really? big pool nice deep end to it damn my grandma didn't have a pool but there was a neighborhood there was another house in the neighborhood where we would go into their pool

and she just was like no it's fine they said we could use the pool at any time the Hershes it was this indoor pool in a beautiful greenhouse it was pretty lovely honestly but she just was like, no, it's fine. They said we could use the pool at any time. The Hershes. It was this indoor pool in a beautiful greenhouse. It was pretty lovely, honestly. But she just was like pool hopping as like a fucking 75-year-old woman. That's hilarious. I think I tried to pool hop once and it was not fun. I didn't like it.

It's too scary. Yeah, I didn't like the idea of someone coming out. I don't want to almost be getting caught doing something. Yeah, no. That's not like a fun activity. Like you being on the verge of getting caught or having to run away from some guy with a shotgun. But that scene in The Girl Next Door where they're doing it and... Yes, Elisha Cuthbert.

Elisha Cuthbert. Oh, Emile Hirsch. Paul Dano's in that one too. Yes. Tripod. But they're like... The inches they're like What does she say? Can I come in? I'm all wet. That was in the trailer.

Oh my god. That was like Primo 2008 Spank Bank. She was so good looking. I've never seen this. You've never seen The Girl Next Door? No. Oh, you'd like it. Coming of Age. It's a great, great movie. Coming of Age, right? I like it. Coming of age. It's a great, great movie. Coming of age, right?

I love it. Coming of age. Coming of age. Perks of being a wallflower. Perks of being wallflowers, coming of age. I never saw that coming of age. You could say that, what's that one about the party, Operation X or something? Yes.

Project X. Project X. Operation X. Yes, that one. That's a penis removal removal there's the original name and the project x is such a funny movie and but it's funny it's funny just looking back on how like everyone thought that that's what parties were gonna be like i know yeah we're like people advertise yeah you're right i'm sure someone will blow up a gnome and Molly will fly everywhere. Yeah. And fucking cars are going to drive into pools.

Man, I had a party at my house one time in high school when my parents were away. They don't know this. And too many people came. Yeah. It was scary. Like it got out of control? There's nothing I could do. Yeah. It was scary. Like it got out of control? There's nothing I could do. I was a sophomore, you know, lived in Maine.

The word got out. People that I was friends with. So I had just transferred to a different school, and I was hanging out with the older kids. So I thought I was cool because I was a new kid and made the soccer team. And I said, well, maybe i could have some people over my parents are away and they were like okay cool and then if sure enough it's just like hey

do you mind if so-and-so comes do you mind if this person yeah and i didn't have the will to say no or next thing you know word gets out that your house is the house open house and people are just some like i remember we have a driveway it was just like cars parked on either side all the way up and down. Yeah. And I was like, holy shit. And were the neighbors cool enough for like, I mean, I guess they're not. We lived like deep in the woods. Oh, that's nice.

And so that wasn't really the risk. It was more, you know, the house getting shit broken. Was there any i don't i don't know i don't think so luckily my sister was there she was two years older and she like kind of helped me clean up and said it was okay but i was i was like stressed the whole time yeah it was just a nightmare for me yeah damn what was uh Was anybody rowdy? Were people rowdy? Or was it just like... Yeah, people were getting rowdy. People were getting after it.

Yeah? Did you get drunk that night? No, I didn't drink a drop. Really? I was too busy cleaning up and taking fucking beer cans off of surfaces that would bear the ring from them. Leather bound books. And sliding coasters under people's drinks.

The B volume of the encyclopedia. Placing fresh toilet paper rolls on the spool. Asking if anyone needed a water. People probably thought you were a great host because you were doing all that, but really it was just born of neuroses. Yes, yes.

That's hilarious. And it has persisted. The biggest threat, of course, was drunk driving. Your parents probably wouldn't have believed you even if you said you weren't drinking. No, everybody was drinking at our house, but I wasn't. Yeah, I didn't drink until junior year. Maybe even senior year, really, I didn't drink. I was afraid of it.

So they never found out? Your parents never found out? They didn't find out, no. parents never found out They didn't find out That's amazing They didn't find out about that party That's crazy That's legendary I was too

I mean my mom was way too strict For me to even try any shit like that My mom would have shoved a fucking Pool cue up my ass If I tried anything like that When I was in I was I was in college

Came home for the summer I guess I was 19 And my parents still wouldn't let me And my friends drink at our house really yeah in college they were like not here go some my parents were the opposite you know how there's always like the parents that are like yeah but you were like 19 you weren't 21 yeah but you yeah but you're in college your parents know you're drinking but you know how there's like so you're at barstool and you couldn't go home and drink? Yeah, probably, yeah.

This is our fully employed son. Yeah, I hadn't moved to New York yet, but I was definitely hired. You had to go to your manager's spot to drink. Yeah. But remember, there's always people that are like, well, I'd rather you do it here, safer here, parents like that. Yeah, yeah. My parents were the opposite.

I'm a cool mom. They were like, anywhere but here. They were like, go drive somewhere and do it there yeah and if you get drunk do not call us to come pick you up yeah drive home but just drive slowly that's amazing i remember when my parents were away one time and i had just my friends over and my uh like cousin or my sister told my parents that my friend it was like four of my friends we're talking beau yeah and my talking peter's me yeah and my mom called me and said that uh my one of my dad's co-workers was coming by to see if there was anyone at the house and i lost my mind wow that's tough i got so now we left but i was like are you fucking serious

so you're gonna send over like a wellness check at home alone yeah someone who i've never met tell them tell the lady to count our kids yeah that was in high school though oh man that reminds me of a time freshman year of college we were down in maryland scrimmaging maryland before the season and i was splitting a room with one of the team captains this kid brooks who i really liked and looked up to and he's a senior and i was a freshman and the coaches came around to do bed check and what does that mean they tuck you in we had a curfew oh they see them and they wanted to make sure that we were all in our rooms all right get your copy of good night moon do they take your eyelids and push them closed good night francis you play brahms lullaby

no too much i'm just gonna let you fizzle out. It's riffing, bro. It's how you riff. You gotta keep up. It's not that hard. I don't know. Sometimes the riffs don't really land for me. They landed for Ron. He was hooting and hollering over there. Well, he was adding funnier riffs.

And he added, yeah. That's how you riff. He layered a better riff. Yeah. And then when he added his riff, I't stop and go i'll wait i think what happens is that i just i hear the riff and i realize the story doesn't matter anymore but it does it does matter we've been over it i want to hear the end of the story i think it's better if we end with the riff no but but everyone that's listening wants to hear the end no they don't they don't they don't that's listening wants to hear the end of the story too.

No, they don't. I promise you they do. I want to hear the end of the story. I promise you they do. The podcast is a podcast about riffing. Bedcheck, you're at Maryland. You're a freshman. There's a senior named Brooks.

Okay. Oh my God. Coach Tony Anthony something, I can't remember his name, but he was huge. And he came to the door and I opened the door and Brooks had gone out to dinner with his parents because they had come down to the game. And he was like,

I think he even told me, he was like, if they come for bed check, tell them I'm in the shower. So the guy opens the door. I come to the door. He knocks on, tell them I'm in the shower. So the guy opens the door. I come to the door. He knocks on the door. I come to the door.

I open it. And he's like, hey, you guys here? All good? And I'm like, yeah. He's like, where's Brooks? And I was like, he's in the bathroom. And he was like, okay. And then the next morning at breakfast, Roone, that same coach came up to me and he goes,

so you said Brooks was in the bathroom last night, right? And I was like, mm-hmm. And he goes, you wouldn't lie to me, would you? And I go, mm-mm. And he goes, okay. And I never forgot it because they clearly knew i was lying and they made me lie but i was stuck between a rock and a hard place because it was the captain of the team that i was lying for and then the coaches they probably orchestrated uh like a test brooks and

the coach to see if you were a trustworthy individual yeah i don't think it was that because the coach and bro Brooks did not get along. They hated each other. I thought you were going to say Brooks like died of a DUI or some shit like that. Well, he's dead. No, no. He's in the bathroom, right? Yeah.

Oh, that's good because they just scraped him off the sidewalk. So why don't you explain to us how he got from the bathroom to downtown? He must have teleported. He's like Kim Jong-un, right? Is he still in the bathroom? Maybe he went through the pipes. Like finding Nemo's father. He flushed himself.

Or was it Nemo? I guess it was Nemo that did that. Oh, man. That's good stuff right there. But they never called you out on it. I mean, I'm sure they knew, and they just probably quietly held it against me. But I chose the team over the coaches.

Got to. What are you going to do? You have to. They'll know. That's your family. Yeah. Those are your brothers. But, Herb, we're a family.

You ever see see that Miracle great movie good flick love that movie something happened on the phone that's more important than the podcast

that pays the bills yeah it was just my doctor texting me yeah the results something must have

had to have been bad it says I've been hanging out with too many gays bad news I'm starting to catch it. I'm 15% gay now, according to my doctor who just texted me. He said it might be because you podcasted too much this week.

That'll do it. That'll do it. Talking too much into a microphone will definitely turn you gay. It's a phallic symbol. It's naturally very phallic. I'm going to Laser Wolf tonight. Oh. You know Laser Wolf? I've heard of it israeli food

oh pretty cool name for a restaurant you're gonna have to walk through a picket line to get there that's what i was legitimately like are they gonna like run in because i'm just trying to have some couscous and fucking enjoy myself yeah sure but i'm not trying to make a political statement by who are you gonna be, what are some Israeli foods? Labneh. Labneh. Oh, I love some Labneh. Labneh.

Tabouli. Tabouleh. Anything with the E-H, huh? Yeah. Well, all those dips and spreads, the different hamai and tzatziki. These are Greek foods. They don't have food? Yes do this is an israeli restaurant it's really it's really uh there's one in fort green that has really good um are you talking uh

i know exactly what fucking place you're talking about what the fuck is that place called i was just thinking of miss ada miss ada yeah um that place is really good is really i think of them as more mediterranean than israeli yeah i think that's i think that's one in the same by israel on the mediterranean sea it is interesting where were no that's not right it's not where were peter and all them fishing is it no it's not It's not on the Mediterranean. We need a map. I need to put a map up in my house.

Yeah. It's asked we lost you there for a second. What happened there? Nothing. No riffing on Israeli food? I was lost in the thought of Israel and Palestine. Conflict in the Middle East. Specifically, what about it?

That was wild. How you're going to an Israel food place. Yeah. I would go to a Palestinian restaurant. I was thinking about that Curb episode. Yeah. Where he goes to the Palestinian restaurant. Palestinian chicken.

What was it, Joe? Such a funny name for a restaurant. Palestinian chicken. Have you ever, you never seen that episode? No, I haven't. It's hilarious. I try not to watch any comedy because I don't want it to mar my comedy.

He's going to, he's going to Palestinian chicken and Funkhauser is, shows up wearing a yarmulke and, or not a yarmulke, or yeah, yarmulke. And, and cause he, he just uh he just transitioned into being jewish and um and larry like yells at him and like rips the yarmulke off his head and throws it on the ground and then he turns around and walk into the restaurant they're all clapping it's hilarious that is funny and there's a picket line where he has to choose the jewish people or the hot palestinian girl that he's fucking yeah and i bet he's like it's exactly that yeah is that exact thing yeah i could definitely see that happening so the episode ends with him going like that yeah that's how they yeah that's a good way to end they talked about that episode when i

saw him with bill simmons that's a good way to end They talked about that episode When I saw him With Bill Simmons That's the That's probably the most famous Episode of Curb ever Probably Which is why I was surprised That you chose to Provide a synopsis for it

Well Ron never seen it And somehow I was able to find out Exactly how they ended the episode Just by guessing Well you're a genius This thing or this thing Yeah Yeah It's a good episode I'm trying to think of things To bring up Well, you're a genius. This thing or this thing. Yeah. Yeah.

It's a good episode. I'm trying to think of things to bring up to spice up the episode here. Do you ever hear people say that, that they, oh, that was, oh, Israeli food, shakshuka. Oh, yeah. Shakshuka is nice. It is Mediterranean. Yeah. Shakshuka is nice. It is Mediterranean. Shakshuka is like eggs with

red sauce. They're baked eggs usually in a cast iron with a sort of spicy red sauce. Eggs and hot sauce. It's more like eggs in Prego. It's like egg, they cook it on a pan and then they put this spicy red sauce on it it is very basic i didn't even know what it was until

i watched like real housewives of new york and they're like oh you make the best shakshuka and so the next time i saw shakshuka on a uh like a menu i ordered shakshuka and it's like oh this is the most simple thing ever. You pour fucking tomato sauce. Yeah. It's like a very familiar dish. I don't know what kunafa is. Shawarma and falafel, of course, I know. I guess it was real.

I had shawarma last night. Really? Mm-hmm. Chicken shawarma? Yep. Love shawarma. Shawarma's good. Love a little street shawarma. Mah. Love shawarma. Shawarma's good. Love a little street shawarma.

Mahmoods? Yeah. You ever go to Mahmoods? Of course. That's whenever you're hanging out by the cellar trying to get noticed. Just post it up. They do have great what's that dessert? That honey layered? What the fuck is that called? Baklava.

They have incredible baklava at Mahmoodouds isn't baklava a ski mask it's a balaclava balaclava balaclava that's this is a very wait wait don't tell me distinction right there you guys ever listened to npr when you were growing up did your parents ever make you listen to nPR in the car? Yeah, we listened. I remember distinctly listening to rabbit ears radio. What was that? It was children's stories that were narrated by wonderfully sort of mystical narrators. And it came on at a certain time. And I have a very fond memory of listening to it in the car as we drove home. I remember listening to a children's story when my little sisters were really young, and it was about the littlest pumpkin at the pumpkin patch that no one wanted to pick was it about you no and they about your stand-up

career i would be the biggest pumpkin and they that everyone wants to pick and they had and i remember the way that the narrator would say it he would go the littlest pumpkin and it would enrage me i would get it because it was so like like the way that he said the s it would like pierce my ears yeah kind of the way that you say exactly yeah which is how it's pronounced i guess people don't like that i guess i'll just drop the t exactly how are you how do you say it? Say exactly the way you say it. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. I guess I don't hit that T too well.

Exactly. Yeah, it's not my fault that our fans have low IQs. They're like, why is he pronouncing the T and exactly? Why is the guy pronouncing the S in littlest pumpkin? Because he's dumb. Unlike me. You have the same problem, but you just like the T's, not the S's. Guys, where should I go on vacation this summer?

What's a summer vacation? Ooh, I'm in the same boat, brother. Me too. Sass, you know where you're going. I gotta go snorkeling somewhere. You're spending, you're going to your- Where's my best snorkeling spot? You're going early to your mountainous vacation so you can acclimate to the fucking height.

That is true. Don't act like- Bro, I'm going on a man vacation. I'm not going on a little girl's vacation like you two. The fuck does that mean? When you go to the Four Seasons and you have your fucking, you have like a Jamaican dude lay out a towel for you.

The vacation I went on last summer was I was fucking wrestling with lions. Yeah? I literally put my thumb up. To the comfort of like a G-Wagon. I put my thumb up. There was no roof on the G-Wagon. The lions could have easily killed me, but they saw that look in my eye.

They knew not to mess with me. So what are your options, Francis? Or what are you looking for? Are you looking for relaxation? Are you looking for adventure? Are you trying to be dignified? Are you trying to get down and dirty? Well, the thing is, is that I'm probably going to take it for that 4th of July, maybe that

time. So that disqualifies a lot of places because July is- Too hot. For so many places, a terrible month to go. Too hot for Japan. Too hot for Japan, too hot for, really, Europe, probably. Rome. You could go to, like...

Certain parts, maybe. Italy would be so hot. No, Italy would be awesome, though. In July, it feels like that's the height of tourist season. Yeah, but you go somewhere nice. You go to the Four Seasons in the G-Wagon, nobody's even fucking touching you. True. I'm just trying to think.

I might go to Laguna. What's Laguna? In California? California. You ever been out there? No. Orange County? Oh, I was just out there.

OC? Yeah, I was just out in Irvine. It's close to Orange County. Yeah. Irvine is... It's a great area. I've been there twice, actually. It's very nice.

You going out into the ocean? Yeah, I swam in it for like four hours really no wetsuit by myself just singing back then it wasn't that cold everyone says it's super cold it wasn't that cold it's just like every other ocean where it just takes a minute to get adjusted and then you're and then you're cruising for i've been in the pacific and it's pretty cold man and that's coming from someone who swims in the ocean in Maine. Well, I swim in the ocean in Massachusetts. Also pretty cold. I'm more north than you.

Colder. Colder. Closer to the polar ice. You get more of that Gulf Stream. You get more of that Gulf Stream coming up. You're basically in the Bahamas, down in Massachusetts. Well, the Pacific wasn't that cold for me,

and that's coming from a guy who swims in, who grew up swimming in Massachusetts. Yeah, but you probably had three layers on. No. Just a bathing suit. No shirt. Ripped as hell. No shirt.

I was jacked back then. But we need to find footage of this. We have to find some footage of this. It was a great sesh. It was one of those seshes where you come out and you're four miles away from your towel. Because you've just been getting carried out. Oh, yeah. You're just getting scorpioned by waves.

You have to trudge up. I had a rough one i remember that so vividly just body surfing and just head on the sand feet over my shoulders yeah right i i've always wanted to go to the uh west coast of mexico i've never been out there oh which would be a similar vibe as uh as laguna yeah on laguna beach they would always go to cabo san lucas for their like high school spring break right i remember cabo yeah you know where i want to go i want to go to hell i want to go to hell valley is that what it's called where it's super hot death valley i want to go there just to see how hot it is

i mean it's the hottest place on earth yeah I think. It's like 130. Wasn't it 132 last summer? Yeah. I want to experience what that feels like. It's kind of crazy that we have that in America. Yeah. Sea to shining sea. What other places are on the... I guess Greece, maybe. I mean, I want to go to Japan, but I want to do that the right time of year.

Fall? Sure. Do you want to go to Tokyo or you want to go back country? I want to go to... Something time of year. Fall? Sure. Do you want to go to Tokyo or do you want to go back country? Something more important on your phone, bro? Yeah. Dave just texted me. He said you're fired. Me?

Yep. Oh, fuck. He did say that. Where do you want to go? Tokyo? Tokyo. Or back country? Tokyo would be sick.

What's back country? Japan has some really good skiing. Yes, that's true. I would theoretically do that. But I feel like if I go to Japan, I want to see it not just specifically to ski. Yeah. Mount Fuji? You should go to the Suicide Forest.

Recreate Logan Paul's video. I never understood really why he got such a bad rap from that because he filmed a dude who was hanging from a tree but he said and then he made a thumbnail and he was like yeah yo but i think his hat is what made it right crazy yeah he had like a fucking uh like an elmo hat on or some shit the hat it was like the hat from what was like that in toy story those things that were getting picked up in the claw machine the claw he had one of those guys on his head i think i'm pretty sure like was long yeah like little pigtails yeah what the fuck and the video started with him like sitting in like a subway station in japan like posted by the stairs being like

guys this video is going to be a little different change of pace than our usual content. This is a very serious situation. And then it cut to him in the forest being like, we're here in Japan's suicide forest. And then they were like, oh my God, there's a dude hanging over there. And then they ran. And they had multiple camera angles and shit. They showed the guy. The dude's face was like purple.

These guys must have wanted their dead bodies to be seen. I doubt it. You don't hang yourself like that if you... I think there's like some sort of like cultural significance to that forest. I think it's like a respectful way to kill yourself in Japan. Probably not assuming that people are going to come out and film you and post it on the biggest YouTube channel

yeah the biggest boxers YouTube channel the biggest WWE wrestler superstar YouTube channel the Japanese love suicide I don't know I guess the Greeks love suicide I'm trying to think what other

it's a lot more respectful than those fucking pods that they have in America is that American I think it's Scandinavian in a lot of ways

but I think I mean wasn't Kevorkian doing that shit in Oregon where it's like the old lady in the thing and she's like see you guys

what are you talking about and she falls into a deep sleep suicide pods they have like suicide pods where have like suicide pods where you're like you've decided that it's

you're ready to clock out physician assisted suicide and then you just get into this like Joe Rogan like pod looking thing one of those tanks that Joe Rogan goes in where it's just the water sensory deprivation

sensory deprivation tanks that's what that looks like and then it fills with water and you drown no but it does look like that. I don't know how you die. I think it's like they release some sort of gas, I'd assume.

Or I would guess an injection. Probably an injection of sorts. A nice, peaceful, lethal injection. I think it's surprisingly, it just, there's actually, it releases two sides of blades and then it crushes you. Yes. The same way they do it in Indiana Jones. Yeah.

That would be hilarious. Bye, guys. What's grandma saying? She's saying goodbye. The windows tint. Yeah, they just fog up. Screaming. And blood drips down from the top.

That would be crazy. The suicide pause was just like the most inhumane death of all time yeah and you don't know it just slowly it just slowly starts crushing you banana banana fuck what is it what's the safe word oh man safe word yeah those videos are grim i can't believe you watched them but i came up on my twitter back when twitter was just throwing me death oh i just started doing it again for me really i haven't shown a while it was just i was having such a peaceful end of my night yesterday and then it showed a fucking tree falling on a young child and literally like squishing them

to the point where they weren't a human being anymore. I was just literally scrolling so randomly. And since I saw that video, then Twitter's like, oh, you liked it. You must've liked that video because you watched it. Yeah. Isn't it funny how when Elon took over Twitter, he was like, I'm getting rid of the bots. And everyone was like, finally. And now every time you you tweet there's like seven replies saying my pussy in my profile click on my pussy yeah not great but that's better bots than it was before though was it well i don't even i never even saw bots before you wouldn't even yeah because they were all drake fucking uh stan accounts that were commissioned by him to change the discourse online now it's just getting the people horny yeah Yeah, it's that and it's gambling picks.

Did you guys read when there's a fact check on a tweet? Yes. I read them every single time. Community notes. Those are great. They're funny. I actually like those a lot because it's not just this is not true. Sometimes it's like, this is mostly true,

but here's another thing you should probably know. Yeah, context which i like i like that a lot i like it too i think that if logan paul had put out that video now or like he just put it on like one of the faces of death type of twitter accounts people wouldn't bat an eye they're just way more precious about it and it was on youtube yeah i don't think anyone actually cared i think it was he tried to cancel him yeah but i think that's why they i think they just already hated logan paul and now he's kind of more liked again i think he's very likable yeah i think he's awesome people love him now i love him they're like he's the good paul, not like Jake, that punk. You see that they're rigging the Mike Tyson fight where if Tyson wins in the first round,

he gets no money. What? Where he gets no cash or something like that. He doesn't get any type of bonus and it behooves him to have a longer fight or some shit like that. I did not see that. That's crazy.

Is that so that he can't take a dive? I thought, mean that's that could be one of the stipulations wins yeah like i mean i it could be one of the stipulations but i i think that and i think that logan paul like gets to like pick he can hand select the judges or some shit yeah i mean has i don't think have either of them ever actually done a real fight has mike tyson ever done a real fight no Has Mike Tyson ever done a real fight? No, I mean, Logan Paul and Jake Paul. Didn't Logan Paul fight like Mayweather? Yeah, and he lost.

He lost? I thought he won. No, he lost. No, he lost. Mayweather's never lost, bro. Come on. Put respect on Mayweather. But why do they just fight old boxers? Because they would get smoked by like a regular boxer.

And those guys also know that a fight with one of these guys will give them you know five ten twenty million dollars yeah and they can probably just dance around and make a scene of it yeah they're hunky fighters though good for them they actually turn into great fighters i'm not mad at them as opposed to bright footwork they got great footwork i'll be the first to say it. Incredible footwork. They're real fighters. They're not just putting their head out there. Unlike Drake May.

Sloppy footwork. We're working on it. Did you see the side-by-side video of Drake May? Him and Jaden Daniels? Yeah. It's like they just throw the ball at different times. They're like, his release is 10 times faster. Also, it's like, yeah, dude, it's no surprise Jaden Daniels is better than Drake May.

That's why he got drafted before Drake May. Yeah. It's not like the patriots made the wrong decision it does suck how uh good caleb williams looks and how good the bears look i mean i it's where you're watching dudes in shorts throw footballs dude just like his he threw to three of the top receivers in the league and you're like, they're all on the Bears? Do you... Who? Moore. Keenan Allen. Keenan Allen.

Yeah. They got a great offense. They're not going to win the Super Bowl. The Chiefs are going to win the Super Bowl. You should bet on their wins over. Yeah, if you can already bet. Oh, the schedule comes out today. Patriots has been out for a couple days.

I saw that. Not bad. 11-6. Go through the Patriots schedule. The Patriots are going to lose every single game this season. Yeah, they might be the worst team in the league this year. They will be, absolutely. They're going to be bad for the next decade.

They're going to have to... Shador's going to be at the top of the draft this this year. They will be, absolutely. They're going to be bad for the next decade. They're going to have to... Shador's going to be at the top of the draft this next year. Oh, if they draft Shador, I'll kill myself. Why? I hate that guy. Why? Oh, I'm so anti-Deon. What?

Are we allowed to say that? Yeah, Jack Max said it all the time. Are we still contracts? We're still obligated to pretend that he's a good coach? No, people are going to say this is based 4-8 last year. 4-8? Dog shit. They started off 3-1, I think.

Beat Nebraska, beat TCU. There should be an untold about the Buffalo game against the Ducks. Against the Oregon Ducks. There should be a documentary about that game. Because they got smoked?

About how much of an ass whooping it was. But they got a new offensive line. Their entire offensive line is insane. They just shipped in more better dudes. Yeah, but is a good offensive line that helpful when you have a dog shit quarterback? I don't think he's dog shit, dude. I know, I'm just saying shit to be mean. We should have just rode the horse.

If you were right, squatting on that take would be a sick take to squat on. We should have just rode the horse. If you were right, like squatting on that take would be a sick take to squat on. It just, the whole Dion thing being like, Shador's going top three pissed me off for some reason. Yeah. Why wouldn't he say that?

You hate to see a black man believe in his son. Yeah, pretty much. That's what it comes down to. Yeah. That's how you've always felt about things. You hate to see a black man

get paid. Yeah. That's why you're so rejoiceful of Drake May. Oh, of course. Yeah. You didn't want Caleb Williams, Penix, or Daniels. Everyone knew we needed another white 20-year-old quarterback. Yeah.

That's exactly what we needed. What if Mac Jones just is sick down in Jacksonville? I would be pumped. We've talked about this before. Yeah, true. I would be pumped if Mac Jones was good. I mean, I could see Mac Jones playing a a couple games this season just as like an option quarterback yeah i mean i don't think trevor wallace is that good or not trevor wallace what's his name

is that his name yeah trevor wallace stay the stiff socks down there is that his name yeah is that that youtuber's name youtuber what's his name why do you guys why can't you just tell me the answer because it's funny to think of trevor wallace being the quarterback of the jackson well what's his name it's very laurence trevor lawrence yeah you guys are really pissing me off today it's called riffing bro no that's not riffing you can't riff let's get that on viva la stool asap suddenly we can't oh my god he thought that the quarterback's name started with a W instead of an L. Sass thinks Jennifer Lawrence is the quarterback.

We're just riffing, bro. You can't riff? Suddenly whenever Francis wants to riff, you get pissed. I can riff. Suddenly Francis tries to throw one riff in there and you're fucking steaming mad. They're going to have me teaching classes

on riffing in 10 years. They're calling me Lane Riffin over here. You're gonna they're gonna have me teaching classes on riffing in 10 years they're calling me lane riffing over here you're gonna have that's good riffing that's great riffing right now you're gonna be teaching you can take a note from him now you're taking a note from him now you're grifting you bombed yeah that was a bomb yeah it's tough to hit one when you're just talking over me yeah it feels like i'm in uh quahogog right now because I'm Peter Riffin. There we go. Francis is killing right now. You can take a couple notes

from him. Two for two. Unfortunately, I don't trust your judgment on what killing is. Oh, you should. Why? You should. I saw a tape of your Sacramento.

Dude, actually, on the comedy Reddit, there's a guy who claims he has tape of your dick getting pulled out at Skank fest really yeah i haven't seen that that doesn't bother me at all i don't give a shit about that it was almost well yeah what should embarrass you is the sacramento footage getting out

dude if my penis ended up on the internet i wouldn't care at all no that doesn't because you have a great penis well no it's just more like this wasn't my fault i wasn't being weird i didn't want this i didn't i didn't even take this picture now and then you get victim points too yeah you can you can sue someone for revenge porn then you could be like i was harassed yeah next thing i know i'm fucking hosting snl because your penis is out there next thing i know i'm getting a standing ovation at the oscars ladies and gentlemen please welcome the man it's been really hard for me if you guys have seen my stuff on the internet don't bring it up i don't feel that great about

it the bird in the bush don't look it up i did have a thick bush when that happened i know it's way better now thicker than ever no yours is way better now your bushes my bush you could literally see your bush through your pants i do have a clean bush right now i know because you could tell on your in your uh undercarriage when i look at your line i shaved my my pubes the other day and then i and i shaved him into the toilet and then i got into the shower and i forgot and i closed the toilet i didn't want to flush the toilet and then have cold water come out and then i like i forgot about it and then like an hour later i went to take a piss and it was just a fucking looks like a rat was in my toilet just a full head of hair how long were the pubes? Long. Give me a...

Well, I have very curly pubes. Of course. They're not like straight hair. This is known. That's where your Jewishness... Francis, you definitely have straight pubes. The straightest. They look like...

You have to put like texturizing spray in them? Yeah, he puts a sea salt spray to layer them out. What's that grass at golf courses that's fescue? It looks like fescue. Yeah, that's great. A beautiful fescue. But no, how long were your pubes that wound up in the toilet? Give me just a...

Not that long because they're curly. Oh, got it, got it. Yeah. If you had strengthened or lengthened them out, how would they be? Wow. Very long. yeah if you had strength or lengthen them out how would they be wow very long oh man i would kill to see your pubes we should be selling the pubes on fucking if we had a patreon that would work that would work or what's francis or what's uh frank the tanks thing that he sells shit on cameo cameo cameo yeah you should set a fucking 500 price point and just you think you can sell dick on cameo where you pluck pube can you sell your body on cameo you could probably pluck a pube and show it yeah 500 bucks each but like if someone was like here's

600 video i couldn't pull my cock out do a windmill action there's got to be there's got to be rules against that is there because it doesn't seem like there's rules against that on any other platform. Because you can sell your pussy on Patreon, I believe. Really? Yeah. I don't think that's right. You can't? I don't think you can do pornography on Patreon.

Pornography is such a broad term. Adult content of any kind. What if it's prose? Well, sure. But if it's photos or... Pornographic substack. Subscribe to my substack. I'm doing a newsletter of pornography in the written word.

Dude, I have a friend who used to see this girl and her kink was erotic fiction. And I think like rape fantasy fiction. Yes. And so for foreplay, he would have to read a book to her and while he was reading it she would give him a blow job no way and he'd be reading a book about a scene like that while she got so strange yeah how do you get into that you get molested while you're reading a book i think your stepdad has to be a librarian yeah it's got to be something right yeah there's no way you're just like uh you just

had a normal life and then you're like i can only get off while someone's reading me a book listen we are not here to guess at the origins of people's kinks i am but if they if someone could i'm here if someone could offer that up to to us, it would solve a lot of things. Yeah. How you land on that. There are novels like that, but it just seems like so much work. And you also can't help but think whoever's writing that in the same way that an anime artist is probably hard as a rock or jerking off while they're drawing a big pair of boobs. Yeah.

Whoever's doing this has to be pounding off while they're fucking like typing out a book on a typewriter yeah probably which is i mean i guess kudos to them for having a strong imagination but it's a little bit off-putting that there's the ghost of somebody else's sperm on the fucking words you're reading but it's weird because dudes never read those books. You never really see a dude reading like Fifty Shades of Grey. It's always girls. Speak for yourself, brother. There should be erotica for dudes. I guess it's just porno.

I guess it's just hardcore porno. Dudes don't want to be classy about it. My copy of Fifty Shades, every single page is stuck to such a degree that I could actually saw through the pages and create a cavity in which to hide things strong men are trying to rip your book in half just to prove their fucking might it's impossible it's like the sword in the stone no one can rip your copy of 50 shades of gray apart because it's so cum soaked you know that you can only fold a piece of paper in half eight times eight times yeah isn't that amazing it's crazy that it applies to all paper

every size like if it was a piece of paper the size of this room you could still only do it eight times right right oh in half i see what you mean like because i was like well i could definitely just fold it really small folds but then i I was like, that doesn't, now it's in half. Half. That makes more sense. It's crazy that paper has that property like that. Right. Right.

And you wonder if that's true, then why don't they just make walls out of paper that's been folded eight times? I'm talking fortresses or something like that. Thickest material. Yeah. If you manage to put together, I don't even know where I'm going with this See it through Well the Trojan wall Let's say Yeah Which I guess never got breached

They just drove a horse through it They snuck through it was such a good fucking wall Yeah or let's say that wall In World War Z That the zombies climb up. Again, they didn't go through. They went over. They went over. You're talking about some great walls.

They're probably just made of folded paper. That's what I was going to say. About Trump's wall. Japanese, yeah. How about the wall in Helm's Deep? I'm not familiar. Not familiar. The second Lord of the Rings.

Never saw it. I never saw it. I only saw the first and the third. Are you really? I never even finished the first. I would say the two towers is maybe my favorite. No, I'm kidding. I've never seen any of them.

Riffing, bro. Keep up, please. Lying. That's just lying. Yeah, I would never lie. I would exclusively tell the truth on this show. You're literally a pathological liar. Literally? That was just a pathological lie. It's a disease. You're literally a pathological liar. Literally?

That was just a pathological lie. It's a disease. That was just a pathological lie. And we're here for you. Saying it was literal. It is literal. No, that's a pathological lie. No.

It's just... What are we at here? Artists have a different perception of truth. Wow. Oh, wow. We've been going for a while. Thank God. Really? I'm still in it. We've been going for a while. Thank God. Really?

I'm still in it. We're going to two hours. Did you guys listen to the Bill Maher, Bill Burr episode? I did. It was great. I listened to clips. Only parts. Oh, dude.

I listened to the whole episode. The whole episode gives you a better sense than the clips. Because the clips, you're like, he gets fucking destroyed by Bill Burr. Bill Maher gets destroyed by Bill Burr. And throughout the episode they're both like cracking up laughing it's like kind of a good time to listen to but everyone's like he fucking showed his ass and it is uh overdue for bill maher to get some comeuppance yeah that's like that clip of like uh of when shane was on flagrant and like they

made a down syndrome joke and shane didn't laugh and they were like look how brave they're like he fucking hates these pricks yeah and then he's like co-headlining crypto arena with them the next week i keep seeing things like this about some crazy youtube thumbnail of like the the andrew schultz burt kreischer what why they hate each other. Beef goes nuclear. I don't even know who, I don't think it's them, but I don't know who I saw that for and I had no idea that these people had an issue. They don't.

None of them do. It's like these weirdos who make these like hour-long documentaries on the downfall of Bert Kreischer and then it's like, well, didn't he just sell out a stadium last week? So it can't be that much of a downfall. Apparently your theories

didn't get back to the families, the full families that are passing on a cruise to go to see Bert Kreischer instead. You need to stand outside of that cruise with signs alerting everybody that they actually don't get along with one another. Get the fucking truth out there. People just don't understand any concept of another get the fucking truth out there people just don't understand like

any concept of ball busting no sass and roan actually fucking hate each other oh yeah we get comments like that all the time we do yeah well once in a blue moon we'll get a comment that's like you too of everything it'll just be you clearly tell that roan and francis fucking hate sass and one of them off this show sick of show the heck it's like weird like fan fiction like theories that people come up with that's fun but i said all that shit about bill ma bill burr and bill maher to say that bill burr was saying on that or bill maher one of the fucking two of them was like artists don't deal in absolute truths i get we're coming back to Because I called you a pathological liar

And since I'm actually an artist That's what I'm trying to say We gotta start having more really serious Comedy conversations on this podcast Really breaking down the science behind it Yeah of joke writing My comedy deals with the Emotion of Aloneness exactly and

that's what i'm trying to convey through all my jokes that's what louis ck said on uh andrew schultz's podcast louis does that a lot but he's allowed to he'll bloviate on the fucking intricacies of comedy i like hearing him do it i don't like anyone else doing it. Yeah. Yeah. Cause you have to actually consider someone really funny. Well, and I learned from him. I mean, he gives helpful advice when he talks about it.

Yeah. His advice is helpful. Someone sometimes I'm like, well, I just can't, I'm not, I can't do that. I'm not good enough.

Do you ever go on? Did you ever watch the Harlem Williams podcast with Anthony Jezelnik on it where they like have anthony jeselnik like write a joke live and so you they go through his joke writing process yeah i've seen that pretty funny or pretty interesting yeah mark norman just put out a good uh little 15 minute documentary about how to write a joke about like what his like process is you You were definitely like fucking taking notes. Oh, absolutely. You were definitely there like rewinding. I studied the greats on the greatest right now.

You're watching Mark Norman's All 22 tape. Shout out J. Cole. It's J. Cole. Sober rap. Fuck if you feel me. I ain't got a choice. Yeah. It's a great song.

It is. Yeah. It's a shame that that song sparked a fucking war that's not the one yeah it is that sparked what war that's the one that started the kendrick and drake beef really yeah because that's the one where j cole says that he said uh he said we're the three greatest yeah he said not in that one yeah it is first person shooter and he says uh what he said it's me aubrey he says me k dot it's k dot aubrey and me but right now i feel like muhammad ali and then uh and then kendrick came back and said fuck your big three m word it's just big me wow wow You've been watching a lot of rap genius

And then Drake came out with What's it called? Pushups Right Okay now everyone's up to date Anyways we recorded this three months ago Drake hadn't even come out with anything yet Yeah Alrighty well we can wrap it up This has been fun yeah alrighty

well we can wrap it up this has been fun we will see you guys when we see you always fun to riff with the boys always fun to riff with the boys

whatever we're doing here I'll be somewhere little sasquatch website dot com for tickets come on out I got nothing thank you

goodbye