Son of a Boy Dad - Son of a Boy Dad #150 (LIVE)

Episode Date: November 15, 2023

Son of a Boy Dad #150 (LIVE) -- Follow us on our socials: https://linktr.ee/sonofaboydad -- Merch: https://store.barstoolsports.com/collections/son-of-a-boy-dad -- SUBSCRIBE TO THE YOUTUBE #SonOfABoyDad #BarstoolSportsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, Son of a Boy Dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. All right, here we are. You don't have to clap. No? No. All right, everybody.

Welcome back to the Son of a Boy Dad podcast. Very exciting things happening today here from HQ4 in West Village. HQ3 and a half. We got the sales team over there in the half kitchen working their ass off. Yep. In the half kitchen working their ass off. Someone's stooping over into your quarter fridge. Into your one shelf fridge that's deep enough to hold a single diet Coke can.

I know that fridge is an issue. Not even a regular Coke, just a diet Coke. I walked in here and I had to go to the bathroom and I thought, I don't know if I can. It's very small. You got to keep the door open. I physically don't know if I'm capable of actually taking a shit in this apartment. If you had flexed your shoulders, you'd be burning a shit. Yeah. I mean, I wouldn't.

That's why I wouldn't do it. No. Yeah. That would be, it's very difficult to shit in here. What do you mean? Do you go out? It's too small. Do you, do you like pooping here or no?

Yeah. I don't mind. I mean, I've dealt with it. Like my last apartment, it was fucking, it was impossible. Is there a part of you when you're out in the world that says i'm gonna have to go to the bathroom later i might as well force it now before i get home which is the worst toilet no not at all dude my last apartment not me i wasn't the worst because i wasn't the biggest but like doogs like when i would sit on the toilet my legs my knees would hit the wall and doogs was bigger than me so he would have to sit sit on the toilet, my legs, my knees would hit the wall and Dukes was bigger than me.

So he would have to sit sideways on the toilet. Like Paul Wall. Yeah. He couldn't sit normally on the toilet. I would say 99% of people that have running toilets would say that their home toilet is their preferred place to take a shit yeah and i think you might be in the one percent no my mine is preferred it's here yes 100 was this apartment built in jesus time when humans were smaller how is it possible that you have a fucking like you're that knees touch the wall like what dude if you guys are so out of touch because you

both live in fucking mansions in brooklyn if you guys met if you just went to any other apartment no when i first moved to new york nicer apartment no when i first moved to new york i fucking lived in an apartment that was yeah where in fucking harlem bushwick how's what are you acting like harlem is nice i'm acting like it isn't nice I lived in a place this small when I first in New York. I really did for a year. And then I moved to Brooklyn where there was more space. Dude, this isn't small. You just slowly add space to your life.

This isn't small for Manhattan. Your knees touch the wall. I've lived in three apartments or four apartments now in Manhattan. This is the biggest one by almost double the size. You know if you didn't live on the same street as emily rastafari you would be able to have more space i don't want to live fucking in brooklyn ron and i went i don't want to be like you guys and have to fucking we were parking our city bikes we rode over from brooklyn we we were parking our city bikes and then we went to get a coffee uh and told you that

we were still parking the city bikes no i know i i knew what was going on you did yes we gave you the run around like blues traveler that's why i didn't wake up on time and then there was i can do you guys we're gonna be late we are both late guys we live in brooklyn what do you want me to say what do you want this was i gotta wear this one because i told ron to meet me downstairs in 15 minutes and he said, great. And then he was down there and I was not. Yeah.

Did you have to ask your RA where he was? You think that's how rich people know? Cause you guys live in the same fucking building. Like you're like freshmen in a dorm. What do you know about RAs? I went to college, bro. You spent more time with rear Admiral than a real RA.

What are you talking about, dude? You don't know shit about an RA. No, but we came out of the coffee shop and there was a guy with a huge telephoto lens taking pictures of us at the end of the block. Oh, yes. Paparazzi. They're commonly around here. It was such a long lens that he was hoping to see through an opaque fabric.

He wanted to see nipple through shirt. It was that strong of a lens. The outline of my meat helmet through my linen pants. I mean, dude, these apartments right here, I'm pretty sure the people that live in them, I think the people on the bottom floor, I think they own the whole floor. Some of these buildings on this- Floor throughs. Yeah.

That's a common way to rent an apartment. No, it isn't yes it is if you maybe if you're if you make a billion dollars in the west village when i lived in brooklyn heights which is a lovely neighborhood i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry are we okay yeah ron's just shaking everything up when i lived in brooklyn heights which is a lovely neighborhood filled with brownstones i had the second floor floor through brownstone and it was not i mean it was you know not that much but there's some streets now there's some the definition of a brownstone it's like walk up no a brownstone is a is a home not like an apartment building that is made of brick hence

the brown stone but you see that the base level of those stones that color of brown that's like the traditional color of a brownstone very interesting yes he's right that's probably more close than what i said my autistic thing is architecture yeah yeah that's cool do you know a lot about architecture i love it really i fucking love it i don't know he likes architecture the same that like anyone would like architecture you see that's a palladian frontispiece right in front of there over the over the door that you see an apartment you go that's nice i'm a big architect he's a binary architecture guy decided that with rome decided he was a big architecture guy within the last 30 seconds

made a conversation with a palladian frontispiece because you know weird things how would I know that those are ionic columns faux ionic columns in the lining of that black doorway you can tell the difference between an ionic and a Corinthian and a Doric I can I don't think you can I think we just don't know the difference we could say any one of those and we'd be like that's very well one of them has more

flowery spirals I remember that that was in fucking 6th grade that I learned that that's Corinthian which them has more flowery spirals. I remember that. That was in fucking sixth grade that I learned that. That's Corinthian. Which one? No, the flowery is Corinthian. Flowery ornate? Yeah, I mean, I don't want to bore you guys, but I have been interested in architecture for quite some time,

but I keep it under wraps. I just don't want to brag about it. I don't like to brag about it. Like Hannah Montana. Podcaster by day, architect by night. I'm basically fucking Hannah Montana. How many architects can you name? Famous architects around.

I only have one. Frank Lloyd Wright. That's it. And then there's the guy who studied under Frank Lloyd Wright. Wait. George Bush. Would you say... Is Getty one? Yes. right that's it and then there's the guy who studied under frank lloyd right wait george bush what would you say is getty one yes he's an architect yes see you're a fucking buff that's you can get to two you know it is impressive you can get to two yeah architect because i couldn't

even come close to saying one frank lloyd right frank lloyd writes like the basic basic bitch type of who who was the one where there was that there was that tiktok of all the fucking they were at some like hollywood party and that dude was like what do you do are you do you like architecture and then these girls were like i don't know i guess and then he's like well then name your favorite building from blah blah blah and they were like dude what the fuck are you talking about and then all the comments were like yeah women are so stupid it is uh my favorite architect is the aliens that built the pyramids oh yeah that's who i fuck with the heaviest that is a big one that's cool if i had a ton of money i would try to build a fucking like the pyramids

again like i would try to build something that's going to last 8 000 years you don't really need a lot of money to build the pyramids you just need a large group of slaves you think slaves are free slaves are really expensive so expensive these days the rate on slaves oh my god have you seen the price you just need a couple of strong boys you just need a little human traffic to carry those fucking blocks slave inflation has gone up like caviar yeah i mean heavens to betsy the price for a human these days has to be very very high if only we'd been born imagine a couple hundred years ago me i would be a terrible slave no but you wouldn't have been a slave you wouldn't have been asleep what are you talking about what in what part of the world would you have been a slave you're a white dude

i'm a jew brother oh yeah you are why are you sitting like that i'm trying to come i need you to rotate back to original stance brother let my people get back to your original stance. No, you're right, dude. Slavery is whack. I agree with you. It is. And by the way, I'm not talking about slaves in the traditional sense when I say that.

I'm talking about children. I'm talking about the guys that went to build the cutter uh olympic stadium or the world cup stadiums oh yeah i forgot about that dude was fucking bad that was very recent too they're like here come here and and uh you'll you'll be able to work and they just like showed their like papers at the border and they were like yoink they stole their passports and didn't like thousands of people die in a building of that in the building of that stadium that's a pretty that's a pretty reach that's a big reach for allegedly uh-huh i think if this if it was allegedly that thousands of people's thousands of people died i'd say it's probably true that millions of people

died oh yeah well some people say died others say guitar was like yeah we lost a couple thousand that means that it was close to a billion close to one seventh of the population went down during the building that stadium died yeah but maybe some of them you know martyred themselves yeah you think yeah they went on to greener pastures you're not even counting the people that decided that they wanted to buy a bud light when they were out there like donnie yeah did he actually i don't know i just know that he was not able to if you were drinking you would get like stoned to death that was or you were people were bootlegging even though budweiser was like the leading sponsor of the world cup and they just had to sell bud lies budweiser zeros yeah or they were just like slashing pallets of Budweiser and like leaking

them. Just like bleeding them out. They sent Kid Rock down to fucking open fire on all the Budweisers. No, I just saw that Dana White's partnering back up with Budweiser. I saw that as well. Damn, they were really pushing that on the algo this morning. I saw that a while ago.

Did you? That's where I saw that. i saw that a while ago did you that's where i saw that i heard that a while back or a couple weeks ago yeah thank god fucking bud lights back just like that an entire joke that i've been working on for three months dead in the water can you just say it now well the joke i had was you know who would have thought if you told me five years ago that the war on gender progress would we be waged on the far liberal left behind the shield of bud light and then of course on the far conservative right by by the author of Harry Potter. What am I to do?

Stuck in the middle, a huge fan of rereading The Prisoner of Azkaban, but boy, do those pages turn smoothly with the help of an ice frosty Bud Light. You're the most progressive man in the world if you just start cracking. That is very funny. Two opposing forces that mustn't be seen together my copy of harry potter and my bud light you're truly an anomaly yeah you get canceled by both sides

or like that's where you know that's where people can meet that's the the safe ground the harry potter thing is crazy i watched they did that like harry potter reunion i think it was on hbo and what's her name wasn't even in it hermione yeah oh uh who's jk rowling jk rowling no is it yeah jk rowling's author yeah like people uh i have family members that are uh like they loved harry potter like damn near memorized every book and now they like well if it's like on tv they won't let it stay on for a millisecond because they don't want to support jk rowling in the least like they've completely uh tied kind of beyond the artist because jk rowling lives in a castle she's because she's a turf she's already been supported more than enough that's what i mean but they're like i can't even

watch tnt where they're like have commercials during her movie because it'll be supporting her like that shit that ship has sailed yeah that shit is too far gone just enjoy the fucking child story that you liked like no one knows fucking roald dahl's politics or fucking shell silverstein's politics but people are fucking furious about this who's the other guy that has the that got in trouble the scott adams no oh yeah he got in trouble he got he got really in trouble what happened to him he they found out that he was he making a bunch of racist cartoons oh i don't fucking know same thing with uh what's his name i'm blanking i'm tired. The guy from Garfield? I just had coffee.

What's his name? Take a little sip. Dr. Seuss. He cheated on his wife or something? No, dude. Dr. Seuss, they found a bunch of old fucking poems and cartoons that he drew of insanely racist shit.

But it was so long ago. It was cool back then back when seuss was in the game he's a doctor he he would know yeah exactly you're gonna question a fucking doctor like you're a doctor you're now you're against science exactly yeah yeah dr seuss prescribes you the vaccine you're fine with it but you think when dr seuss dropped a new piece it was like big a big deal back then. People were like, holy shit. New Seuss is out today. Cause I think the poets of yore were like.

Green eggs and ham. People were like, this is fucking gold. Like laughing out loud at all the places you'll go. His agent. Doc, we got to get this out to public now. And then it's just horton here's a who the cat in the hat i definitely think it was some shit like that because poets were like all that you had yeah

yeah there was definitely people yeah or no no that that's what it would be like at the time oh yeah yeah i was gonna say do you think there was anyone who was ever like, Dr. Seuss saved my life? Like a grown man. Green eggs and ham pulled me back from the ledge. I was going to kill myself. I know everyone. I was going to fucking kill myself. And then Dr. Seuss dropped green eggs and ham.

I do not like green eggs and ham. Finally, someone is speaking to me people like writing longhand letters to dr seuss you gotta move like three inches over why i don't want your arm under my back what's the matter no it's wildly i don't have any room over because now i gotta fucking sit like this the entire time because you guys are squeezing me how far in are we i think it's a nice i think it's a nice 16 minutes in you guys are inching closer encroaching on your space 16 minutes before you said anything because yeah but i'm gonna say something i'm so glad i'm so glad i'll i'll back off i thought you i thought you were taking i think it's nice for the for the viewer i don't think it is i don't think any of the viewers are like man i'm liking this really tight angle that they've got three um three in

the bed and a little one said roll over roll over and they all rolled over and one fell out and then there were two in the bed and a little one said have you heard that yeah now you know that i know that it's seuss it's early seuss it's early seuss save my fucking life i remember that one that one fucking because i was battling a divorce at the time, and she was taking everything. And I said, I'm probably going to have to kill myself. And that was right when Horton Hears a Who came out. And I said, no, there is something to live for. That's so good.

I'm glad you found your will. Or like Mozart. On the pages of a children's book. Who wrote Fleur-de-Lys? Fleur-de-Lys. Fleur-de-Lys. Fleur-de-Lys. That was Beethoven.

Beethoven. That's a banger. That's a fun one to play on the piano too. Can you now? Of course. The shit that Francis can play on the piano is insane. He plays like sweet Bergamot. I can play a bunch of shit on the piano.

I can read music. No, you can't. Yes, I can. I took the piano for eight years. Bro, you can't read books. You don't know how to read shit. I know how to read music. You couldn't read a Dr. Seuss poem.

Yeah. I used to be able to read music like in full. Like I could play the whole piano, but now I can really only do that one's first scale. You can read scales? Yeah. That's what you consider reading music? Scales? No, but like you can read scales that's what you consider reading music scales no but like i can read what what is the what is the one where it's just the your five fingers on are right next to each other like i can't do the spread out anymore i used to be able to do that but i can't

do that anymore are you talking about being able to read music yes school has asked francis well it just doesn't sound like those those are exercises no i'm saying when i read music i can only read it i can only read that first then read it when was the last time you read music i don't know a year ago so how do you know that you've lost it to that degree because i went home and i was playing piano and i was reading music i was playing christmas songs and but the ones that went beyond all i could play was like silent night yeah what the fuck is going on at your home your family like gathered around as you played piano like i was home i was like i'm just gonna play some piano and my opened up the my mom was a

bunch of books and the first thing that came up was christmas songs i was like i'll play some like christmas songs are fun to play and then you know that if you ever played a fucking instrument bro i play you should play the trombone are fun to play. You would know that if you ever played a fucking instrument, bro. I used to play the trombone, brother. Yeah, I knew a bunch of kids that played the trombone. That was like the cool thing to do in middle school. That was a good trombone. That's not even a trombone. It sounds like the trumpet.

No, that's trombone. For sure that's trombone. You'd know that anywhere. The kids that played the trombone were all the kids that didn't want to be in band and we all hated them. I was second chair, clarinet. Yeah, you played the clarombone were all the kids that didn't want to be in band and we all hated them i was second chair clarinet yeah you play the clarinet which is the fruitiest fucking instrument because they promise you when you don't get saxophone because you have to when i was in middle school we have to put in now you'd put you have to like request and you'd have to give your top three options and everyone would put saxophone and trumpet as number one and then

if you don't get those trumpet you probably get trombone because there's a fucking thousand trombones in the band. Or if you don't get saxophone, you get clarinet. And then they're like, well, down the road, it's actually very easy to transition from clarinet to saxophone. You get to a point where you're like, I'm not fucking transitioning. I've already mastered the clarinet. You know who we had? Dan Bridgman was a huge trumpet player at our in our band in in jazz band and boy would he lean into those solos more with more zest and vim than anybody else in the band

when it was his turn to stand up and play that solo i i didn't think he was on at all yeah i never thought it sounded good but he played with the most conviction. So I think it convinced a lot of people whose ears were not particularly adept at discerning good music. Yeah. And people bought in. Yeah. He would get the loudest applauses, but he would deviate from the actual scales in which we were meant to solo. Yeah.

Dude, the high school and middle school bands are way worse after you graduate i remember like like hearing them from a different perspective because when you're in the band you're like i mean we could go on if we could play the fucking boston pops if we wanted to march the macy's day parade if we wanted to and then i went home for my sister's graduation and they had the band play and it was just like a combination of loud noises there was no music no good it was terrible it's awful yeah awful that's what's wrong with this generation that no one knows how to play fucking taps exactly who's y'all's favorite composer american only i don't know american only mine's aaron copeland mine's probably aaron copeland too i don't know i don't know a lot of american composers jk rowling i was well i was on like a drum like high school drum line tiktok yeah it's so fucking awesome what is that some of those dudes are really good just like everybody

plays a cadence what's that really famous cadence it's's like something to. Like taps to. Take to? No, something. They came out with a second taps? The new taps just dropped. Taps to, bitch. It's got 808s in the background. Taps to, back to school.

S-K-O-O-L. Taps to, back from the dead. Sass and I had a good hang last night. Oh, great hang. All time hang. Medium hang. Medium to good. Wait, did you actually?

Sass went on his show right before me and let the audience know that his set was going to suck, which is always a good strategy. Why do you do that? Well, because I'm working out a bunch of new stuff. But you're not going to get... Stuff that I'd never done before. Let them judge it. No, I don't think I did that. I mean, dude, bunch of new stuff. And I was like stuff that I'd never done before. Let them judge it. No, I don't think I did that.

I mean, dude, I hosted the show. I told them, hey guys, it's going to be a lot of people are going to be working out new shit. So give them your best. And they did. They were a good crowd. But I think you're going to get a more honest opinion. If you tell them before you start telling jokes that I don't know if these are funny. I don't think I even did that.

You did. I probably did that before one joke. No, before you spoke, before you tried a joke, you said a lot of this is going to be new. I have no idea if this is funny. Yeah, and that's true. But I think you set them up to think this isn't going to be funny. If you were going to cook a meal. And then it works out better because then they're like, holy shit, that was funny.

They're not charitable. No, they're not charitable. They laughed at everything I said. No, they didn't. And you know that. They didn't laugh at one joke and then everything else they said i'm gonna kill myself yeah and they loved that too that's called rebounding dude look it up oh man i've never heard a covering i've never heard a comic tell a bad joke and say now i'm gonna kill myself

boy that that fruit's high up in the tree i wasn't i wasn't a fucking joke that i planned earlier i wasn't like i wasn't like all, so then when this one does bad, I'm going to tell them I'm going to kill myself. I'm just saying if your goal is to not to, not to mansplain here, but if your goal is to get an honest, uh, evaluation of how a joke is,

if you don't like lower the bar for yourself before they'll, they'll either laugh or they won't. And then if you really, if you're embarrassed that it didn't go well after the joke bombs, tell them, this is new stuff. I'm not sure. And then they'll be on your side. How much do you think expectations play into stand-up comedy or any type of comedy?

Well, that one, that's why I said it was because it was my show and I promoted it and a bunch of people were there to see me. So I had to let them know, hey guys, not doing the hits. You're going to lower your expectations. Yes, exactly. But what if you just... Francis didn't get that because he was a surprise guest. But if you just had...

Yeah, I went out and told a joke that bombed quick. Really? Yeah. What was it? I said, I've got a question for you guys pertaining to my life. How influential and powerful does my dad need to be... I heard the beginning. ...to remove me from the sex offenders registry

and they thought i was asking for real advice they thought i was serious yeah they didn't laugh at all one guy went oh no quietly he goes oh no before you got there dude there was a i showed up and there and my the producer came up to me he was like he was like there's three girls here who like can't even like stand up they're so drunk and he's like they're really excited to see the show though and i was like no don't let i was like don't let them in i was like that's good they're gonna destroy the entire show and then it became like a whole thing where they like they told them no like 16 times and they kept on being like we paid for tickets. And it's like, no, it's a free show.

You didn't pay for shit. You opened up Eventbrite and you reserved the ticket. So they got kicked out. You and I are sitting on the same cushion now. Yeah. I have moved back. I have pulled back. What do you want me to do?

Straddle. He's moving over. I'm not. He's moving over. I'm not. He's doing what I did. I've got to be in the center because I have to produce the podcast as well as deliver phenomenal jokes. But I'm saying if you straddle both cushions, if you had an ass cheek on either cushion. I'm not doing that. That's uncomfortable.

I don't want to sit in the crevice. So we could have a fourth on this couch then, the way that you're sitting. Oh, 100%. We sure could. Yeah. Sure could. We could have two more on this couch. I think we should get as many as we can.

We should have Alex Cooper on for real. Get her. That would be big. She's on fire. I bet if we told her Amarato was in the neighborhood, we could be like, come on down. We saw paparazzi. We saw paparazzi. This is publicity.

I told that guy as we got closer and he was snapping pictures, I go, are you paparazzi? And he goes, no. Yeah. And I go, what are you takingarazzi? And he goes, no. And I go, what are you taking pictures of? And he goes, never mind. Is that what he said? Or you're like, who's over there? I said, who's over there? And he said, never mind. I wonder who it was. And I was like, that guy's definitely paparazzi.

He's obviously paparazzi, but I think he took the term as a slur. What would you do? Yeah, 100%. I'm not fucking paparazzi. I'm a photographer. I'm an artist. I'm not saying i'm a photographer i'm an artist i've saved people's lives yeah he's posting photos of like matthew perry drowning in his bathtub and he's like i'm a fucking artist you don't that made me that made me think that he is ashamed of the work he does 100 dude there's. Those guys have to go home every single night and drink an entire bottle of Jack Daniels.

Because the world hates them. The world hates them. By the way, Jack Daniels is always the bottle of depression. Oh, 100%. It is. It's good, though. I have a friend who would come home and started doing that. He would drink a bottle of Jack Daniels with no lights on.

Jack Daniels is like uh that's the way to find yourself early stages of of depression he's out there and then the late stages is like an eight dollar bottle of svedka or something like that like a plastic bottle that you can like pour into a coffee cup and pretend that you're going about your day you've never had captain morgan yeah yeah that's me of course that's a plastic bottle right there are well you can it can be fuck i feel like i'm i feel like there's one that i'm trying to think of and it was a it was a vodka nelson oh there's there's a couple vodkas it was a vodka that we used to drink that was some sort of like general or some shit on the front of it i think

when you're and that was like if you get to rum as a young person, and you're not on an island, you're not somewhere nautical. There's no sight of ocean. If you're landlocked rum drinking, you're in a dark place. Oh, yeah. I don't know.

I never have liked rum, so I don't know. If you can squeeze your vodka bottle and it dents in in the sides, you're in a bad place. It really is. If you get a plastic bottle of a large, like a gallon, because when you go to the plastic, you're not buying a fucking

small bottle. No, if you're drinking the vodka that... You've broken over the ounce measurements. If it's the vodka that Jason Bourne would use to clean a wound you're in trouble yeah that shit is so bad pop off pop yeah pop off was bad uh vladimir was ours in college we drank vladdy and natty bro it was disgusting that's tough that's tough i'm trying to think of what i drank it was i fucking forget what it was called i know i drank captain morgan and that was bad but i would drink like vladi until like uh two in the morning and then like

it'd be like a football saturday at penn state and i'd wake up at like 6 30 and just be like all right let's start over yeah irish coffees it's like what i remember we and my buddies got uh we bought a bottle of titos one time that's good and that's good stuff and i we paid an extraordinary amount of money for it just being like i guess this is how much we i think we paid like 150 for a bottle of titos we were all like stealing money from our parents if shit goes bad i might be an old man that stands outside of a liquor store and buys booze, buys hooch for the kids. I wouldn't mind that gig. Just upcharges.

There's probably an incredible margin or like a return on the investment in that. I wouldn't even upcharge as long as they let me come to the party with them. Yeah. I listened to this podcast about Genghis Khan last night chingas khan as he was called back in the day his original name was timogen and his father named him after a man that he killed imagine killing a dude and then naming your son after that's gonna be like an eternal guilt thing right if you do that you gotta be like i gotta fucking pay my respects back somehow that was like a wrong killing he

killed the wrong dude he killed the wrong guy and he like then he dedicated his entire life to like respecting that dude yeah or it's a calculated play to take someone's identity because they live a better life than you did to name him not a bad idea either timogen isn't that sort of the isn't that is that not the talented mr ripley isn't there something like that oh i never saw it i never saw the flick that's supposed to be he kills he kills that dude's friend so that he can become his best friend right it's something like that i can't really remember the plot i just watched that movie like not long ago like a year ago it's pretty good young matt damon yeah very young matt damon it's a very uncomfortable movie yeah it's uncomfortable

it's not it's just like really like unsett uncomfortable movie, though. Yeah, it's uncomfortable. It's just really unsettling. Yeah, it's unsettling. It's like this normal dude. Not normal, he's weird. But you don't get the vibe that he's going to go on a murdering spree at all. That's what he does? Yes, Mr. Ripley kills... He gets too involved in a fucking identity theft scheme.

And then he becomes a geek. Well, first of all, then he's gay at one point. And then he becomes like a geek. Well, first of all, then he's gay at one point. He's gay the whole time. If you're gay at one point, you're gay forever. You're coming in and out of the gay. You suck one dick, bro. That's not the flu, bro. That's not a common cold. He goes through some sort of weird gay phase

and then he goes on a murdering spree. We've all been there before. You get a little gay and then you say, what the fuck i doing and then you go around you just gotta start killing people everyone that you got to kill all the witnesses yeah well sometimes when you get the gay and then you think oh no am i in this for life and then you start feeling better yeah and i think but i also do feel for him because i feel i feel like he he has a little bit of like uh i i feel like the European culture, you start thinking, oh, shit, everyone's gay. And then he goes, he makes a move on that dude, and he's like, I'm not fucking gay, weirdo. I'm just French.

Yeah. He's like, I'm just fucking Italian. Yeah, I'm fucking in Europe, dude. I wear really high shorts. That doesn't mean I like dick in my ass. Just because I'm showing you my spread ass cheek doesn't mean it's an invitation to park your dick in there yeah so then he has to go that's when he goes on the killing spree i believe conflicted because he's he's hanging out with

that dude and they're like really good friends and they're like getting real close and then he goes and he makes a move and the guys like fall back i used to go to soccer camp in france when i was a kid yeah and uh who among us hasn't yeah i was probably 11 12 probably 11 and uh we would have to shower after all of us together yeah and that was the it was something i was so not ready for i'd never done that and i remember i went in and the and the bigger kids in our group started peeing on this little kid. What? Yeah, they were bullying him. No, that's sexual assault.

It was bad. And they thought it was funny. And then other people were laughing. It's hilarious. It's something to this day that is seared in my head. Like, should I have stood up for him? But how could I have? You would have got peed on.

You start peeing on them. That's when it becomes. And that's when it would become like a funny thing if you're gonna take one of their you peed on those other dudes it would become like then it would just turn into like a piss war and everyone would be like dude that was so fun i fucking love you guys yeah like it's zoo i don't know i still feel bad to this day you gotta make it into a mexican standoff you gotta have like you gotta hold your dick up to one guy's head like ready to pee at him like fuck it i got hostages just dick to ear it was so tough man all of them all of them were uh uncircumcised i remember that and i was circumcised i am well so their pee was probably getting everywhere still. I'm still circumcised. You didn't get a reverse? I haven't found the piece. I haven't found the piece that fits.

One of those fucking jackets with the attachable hoodie. The washer that you just like screw onto the end. Trust me, I've tried on a lot of helmets. Black Friday sale coming up though. We have the washer. Son of a boy dad. Son of a boy dad foreskin

merch. Attachable foreskin. real foreskin true skin she won't even be able to tell are you sick of wearing that black market booth foreskin welcome to true skin our foreskin is not made in china true skins is an idea that you could take to shark tank and they would be like that's got legs yeah that's got potential that's fucking massive that one lady would be like i'm out and then the fucking all the dudes would be like i'm in bro because they'd be feeling it comes in 28 different hues at the company we have so many hues we from your from your generic uh pinkish flesh tones to your more purple i would i mean yeah like dying your hair yeah i would love that dude like like dying your hair like you could just get a black foreskin

you ever seen you ever see the purple oreo style you see the purple now the purple d it would be an oreo because you have your pubes your shaft would be white and the tip of your dick would be black i love a tricolor yeah it'd be like neapolitan ice cream that's exactly my favorite my favorite robert hershevich like it reminds me of my force well you know you definitely get a good size barometer it's like when you have to choose your ball in croquet when you're putting your hands up the shaft until you finally get whoever gets to the top that's when you get to decide who gets the what ball first oh man we were on a roll too oh there you go good shit producer producer harry strikes again our engineer not the doc she let's hit this let's ahoy hoy let's do this uh twisted t-head oh yes or let's do whatever ad comes up right here and it's game time let's talk about game time

game time i love game time we all love game time i use game time frequently are you going to go to the uh philly's chiefs or eagles chiefs that's in kansas city it is damn i'm gonna go and i'm using game time really no i'm going to the Sixers tonight via game time. Oh, yeah, you are. I'm sitting courtside with El Pres. Yeah, El Pres. Oh, he's my favorite. He's goaded.

I'm literally sitting courtside with him. You can get the best tickets in the entire stadium through game time, and you can get the cheapest tickets in the stadium, and you can get the best deals, and you can get them the easiest with game time. It's so straightforward. It's so easy to use. Just a couple clicks, and you can get the best deals and you can get them the easiest with game time it's so straightforward it's so easy to use just a couple clicks and you're in there clicking up with the boss and honestly it's my favorite ticketing app it's better than the other ones there's no i love their interface very clean very slick they show you where you'll sit yes oh yeah it's very like

every other one like there's just they're they're lying to you exactly not game time but the company built on truth no trust don't trust the others there's something about game time where it's just like okay there's an inherent trust a brotherhood between game time and son of a boy dad podcast exactly so download the game time app or go to gametime.co.comcom probably. I'm probably assuming.com. I don't know why they abbreviated com. You can try either. There was.

Go to GameTime.com. Enter your email and redeem code BOYDAD for $20 off your first purchase. Terms apply. Let's get back to the show. All right. Wow. Hey, do you have trust issues? No, but you know what I just realized?

What? Is that when we were debating the sound of a trombone, I have the trombone on the soundboard. Let's hear it. Yeah, that was exactly what Ron was doing. It was. It was exactly what he was doing. And you said that's a trumpet. I know. It does kind of sound like a trumpet. Which just makes me think that your ear for the brass section is not good it makes me doubt that you know how to read music i do know how to

read music i don't think i used to go to this uh i used to go to a uh i had a piano teacher and uh she would give me flash cards now i'd have to she'd show me a a single note now i have to go now i have to go g a c f sharp i once hooked up with my piano teacher that's super weird how old were you sounds like you got molested 26 25 bro bro was taking plan and let plano piano lessons at 26 i went back into it bro was getting molested at 26 yeah you laugh but it was cool how old was she she was probably 38 it's not bad she was good yeah at teaching the piano what about fucking not that didn't happen we just made out and then that was the last piano lesson we did yeah that makes sense couldn't see her anymore after that so what you broke it off or she broke it off? I broke it off. I used to have

hissy fits when I would have to go to piano lessons. You did? Scream crying. I used to hate... I'm not doing! I hated piano lessons

when I was a kid. with a passion. Yeah, because I had to sit next to this kid, Sam, and he always smelled like grilled cheese.

It's not a bad smell. It came out of his pores. It wasn't just from his mouth. That ain't right. It was sweating grilled cheese. That has me salivating for a grilled cheese right now, honestly. That sounds fucking nice. I almost got a grilled cheese yesterday from Panera. I was going to do the

Panera sandwich. Did you pick two? Yeah, but dude, why are the sandwiches from Panera like $20? Inflation inflation i'm not spending 20 dollars on a fucking grilled cheese in your mind that's what it is that's why panera will never sponsor this podcast and even if they tried i would deny them unless they'd like to in which case you're well unless they do want to then yes we will of course have you next portion is brought to you by panera let's get into this panera ad. Francis, the fact that you were

sexually assaulted by your piano teacher. At 26. And also watched an 11-year-old get peed on. I feel like this has been a very therapeutic and revelatory episode. I'm getting a lot off my chest. This is a 225

pound dumbbell, barbell that I'm getting off my chest for as many reps as possible. Oh, you could do that for probably 20 reps too. I'm going to failure. Do you think, uh, what made you hook up with your piano teacher? Her boobs. Her tits. But I feel like piano is not really a position where you're going to be seeing the breasts because you're both, what are you sitting on the same chair?

You try taking adult piano lessons with a moderately attractive person. I do imagine it is extremely sexual. Who keeps putting on these lacy, sexy things to shove her cleavage together to make it look like a butt crack. So, so you did it and made a class and she charged. Oh, you got a prostitute. Did you have to pay her after?

She was way too good at the piano to be a prostitute. They can't keep up their skills like that. Did she waive the payment after you guys fucked? She was playing fucking. Did you give her a tip? I paid her for every lesson. Did she send you an invoice after you fucking hooked up with her? She started. That's called a

prostitute. She started to basically kind of expand the relationship beyond piano which made me think she probably needed a green card oh shit what was her race chinese chinese so is mine what what yep yep what are you ken jack respectfully yeah i mean no that's ken jack's thing he's really into asian girls to his asian piano teacher yeah is that bad to say said with love you said if you say said with love then it was said with love but

i thought that was whole i thought that was ken jack's whole thing he's very public about it i don't think that was a bad thing to say. We're live here. There's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with Asian girls. Yeah, no one's saying that. Nobody is saying that. I feel like you're insinuating that there's something wrong with Asian girls.

No. I mean, you hooked up with your pianist your once, and then you blocked her on everything and never went back. You quit the piano after you hooked up with your Asian pianist. I think I was ready to arrange a marriage such that she could gain the next best thing to citizenship. Hmm. Interesting. She needed help.

She needed major help. Yeah. Staying in the country. Are you sure? And I was not prepared to give her that. Yeah. I didn't have that. I didn't have a wherewithal of paperwork and bureaucracy.

I feel like you would be a great kid to like, or like a great person to teach piano to. Like I would show up and I'd be like, and you probably show up and you're like, Hey, I wasn't up for it. I didn't like it. How's it going?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. And you got me all wrong.

You need a green card. Is that what you want me to hit your sucky sucky? And then maybe we can see what we can do middle you promised her you promised her you promised her a green card and then you fucking ghost golly dude dive into the night you got me all wrong thief in the night what do you know about fucking piano anyway you can't even read music. I just told you I can play Fur Elise. Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na Hopefully we don't get copyrighted

by Beethoven. No, that's public domain. No, that was Beethoven. Ludwig van Beethoven. I thought I said who did Fur Elise and someone said Beethoven. And we gave his first name which just further shows how little you know about classical piano. You wouldn't know Beethoven if he cock-slapped you across the face right now.

That's true. I wouldn't. You wouldn't know Ludwig from fucking Gershwin, from fucking Haydn. I mean, all those dudes look the same. Chopin, Brahms. All those old dudes? Mozart. That's actually racist of you.

That's more racist than the shit you were saying about Chinese people one second ago. I didn't say anything bad about Chinese people. You just said sucky, sucky. Schubert. What's wrong with that? Oh, were saying about Chinese people. I didn't say anything bad about Chinese people. You just said sucky sucky. Schubert. What's wrong with that? Oh, that's you have a sick mind. What? You thought I was doing an Asian voice.

You were. No, I wasn't. Hairball, you brought this whole thing to a screeching halt. When you said it was all about Ken Jack having a little bit of a fucking fetish. I was imitating Francis seducing his Asian piano teacher. None of this was about that. None of this was about that. You're digging yourself a hole

and you're hoping to get all the way to China, old boy. Francis, you went into your meeting and you said, me so horny. No. G minor. I was just being a good student. How old was she?

16? 17? 38 and i already said that you did already say that just trying you're just trying which is in guangdong that's that's too old yes yeah her parents would have given up on finding her a match yeah that's probably why she was sent over to send money back home for her brother. Before you guys both met your wives, did you guys at any point be like, I wouldn't hate the just parents just set me up with someone and then you just fucking suck it up and marry them? God, no. What? No, I never had that thought in my entire life. Nor would my parents ever consider that.

Well, if they were in a different area of the world, they would. Or if they were a different religion. You're saying that if like an arranged marriage parents don't know who's exactly i was saying parents don't know who's hot that's the issue my parents be like there's a girl she's so cute you should meet her and you'd meet her and you're like that girl has bigger biceps than i do so she that fucking her upper body their or their criteria is like he's a nice boy she's a nice girl yeah like she's she's nice when in your life have you ever met a woman that your parents said was attractive and been like mom dad you're right you have the eye when is an attractive person ever nice fucking stacked i wanted to i my you know hey babe boy my parents were right you are beautiful naked

wrong yeah true no one's ever said that i'm glad i listened to my mom and got your clothes off but is it a dad that would ever do that i don't think a dad would ever do that i think your mom was probably looking for someone nice would have a better scent but they would they wouldn't say it they would come off they didn't they would ever do that i don't think a dad would ever do that i think your mom was probably looking for someone nice would have a better scent but they would they wouldn't say they would come off very pervy yeah if your dad was like if i don't fuck this girl my son is going to yeah you know you should go after her i got a hint i guess uh sense your dad pulling you aside and be like i've got a fucking treat for you yeah son yeah dude space is like a seven but body was a nine oh my god tell me everything about it she wasn't wearing those

driving me fucking mad she wasn't she wasn't wearing those boyfriend jeans that all the young girls are wearing she went back to the tight ones you gotta you knew and he's thinking like technically he this man was my sperm once so it's actually me fucking her if you fuck her this counts as a body this is my it's a notch on my bedpost yeah you're just a line in a song back in Genghis Khan's day they would just steal women really yeah they would like Genghis Khan's wife got stolen from him and he had to go, like, get her back and when she got back, she was pregnant. Isn't that the plot of Troy?

Low key, it's kind of a similar type of vibe. Is Genghis Khan the guy that everyone's related to? I think it might be. She was a lot different back then. Because they had multiple wives, multiple families he had like 400 children right and everybody can sort of almost trace their lineage to him probably but

the firstborn was the most important and the firstborn was the one where he couldn't tell if it was his or if it was the guy who stole that's gonna keep you up at night yeah right that's gonna even stole her back that's like if he stole her back and she's pregnant i'm surprised he wasn't just like dude Dude, people used to just be stealing people like that. Before you guys got here, I was just listening to Jolene. That song is fucking depressing.

That song is incredible, though. It's a great song, but she's like Jolene, fucking if you fuck my man, I'm never gonna find someone again. And she's like, you're fucking all the time and I've got one dude. But you know Jolene definitely fucked the dude. Your beauty is beyond compare

with luscious locks of auburn hair. Oh wow, good, good. Please don't take my man Jolene. Yeah. Damn, Miley Cyrus does kill that. I've never heard the Miley Cyrus version. Miley Cyrus kills everything with her. She's amazing.

The raspy voice. Big fan of her. Miley Cyrus kills everything with her. She's amazing. Her raspy voice. I'm a big fan of her. Jolene, Jolene. That's my Miley Cyrus impression. And like her vagina out. Yeah, yeah. Like pissing on somebody. Like Francis.

I didn't. I just watched and regretted not taking action. I should have did something. I have a couple of moments like that in my head where I wish I had stood up for the smaller person. I never had any moments like that because I usually was the smaller person. Now I would. You're getting pissed on. Now I have no problem.

I've stood up. I've stood up. I would definitely get pissed on. Don't piss on that boy. Be like, guys, come on. I think I'm going to die soon. Yeah? How?

All right. I think I'm going to die soon. Yeah. Yeah. All right. I think I'm going to die probably trying to be a hero and then failing. Never be a hero. And it's going to not even make any kind of a difference. When my dad met my, uh, my mom, my aunts,

or I guess, I guess what is this? A brother-in-law. Yeah. When my dad met his, my bro, his brother-in-law, my uncle When my dad met his brother-in-law, my uncle, they were sitting in a waiting room.

Your mom's brother? No, my mom's sister's husband. Got it, got it. And when they met, they were sitting in the waiting room of a hospital because one of them was giving birth, one of the women. And my dad farted really loud. And he looked at my uncle and he said, don't be a hero. I don't understand.

I don't understand it at all. What does that mean? I don't know. I think he was probably just looking for something to say. And that was the first thing that came out. And he said, don't be a hero. And then looked at his later brother-in-law? Yeah.

Or they were already brothers-in-law. I don't know if they were brother-in-law yet.. Or they were already brothers-in-law. I don't know if they were brother-in-law yet. They were strangers. I think they were strangers. Who told you this story? My father. That was also, your telling of it was as complicated. It was extremely complicated, but I get very mixed up on those in-laws.

You said that it was an origin story. I have people in my family who I thought was, I thought there's one dude in my family who I thought was my cousin my entire life. And then I found out that he's not related to anyone in our family in any way. Did he become more attractive to you when you learned you weren't related? No, I probably haven't seen him in 10 years. I don't know. He might be a smooch. I don't really feel like that answers the question.

I don't know why your dad told you that story, but I also don't know why you told us that story. I don't know. I think I said, don't be a hero. And then I decided to bring it back in. you didn't work through it you didn't get it right no i did no you didn't i think you didn't get right with your small ass brain no we don't know your fake harvard education you know dude i've been getting a lot of dms questioning your actual credibility of going to harvard i got the battle the battle of the bulge thing really threw people for it threw people off tell you what bro

it's very confusing people were very confused about this people were like France went to Harvard and you know that battle of the ball when I'm dead soon yeah true I mean dude it wouldn't be it wouldn't be a terrible way to go out Francis you got a face bashed in by a homeless dude that's not how it's gonna be I'll get stabbed you think it's gonna be a stab oh it's one of those oh god last night me and Colin were on stage we were talking about the the most the biggest stabbing spree that's ever happened and we looked it up and uh or no that that dude looked up simeon and he said that it was uh it's 133 people oh that's like a homestar runner i know then he looked it up and he did more research and he said that it was a crew, a crew of stappers.

Okay. They pulled up and I was like, well, what was there? Fucking 150 stappers? Right? Everybody got one? Everyone got like close to one. I mean, dude, you can't even, getting off two would be impressive. I think you can kind of get it.

If I stabbed Francis right now, Ron, you'd be out the door. Yes, but you don't do it that way. You do one and then you go home, and you make yourself some soup, and then you let the heat cool down, and you come back a week later in a different place. I'm talking about a spree,

like a mass stab. That's a spree. It is a spree. It's the same way that if a football team wins the Super Bowl, and then doesn't win the next year, but then wins the year after that bowl and then doesn't win the next year but then wins the year after that and then doesn't win the following year if you've put together like four out of eight years of super bowls you're still a dynasty yeah that's true spree that is not a streak though it's not like jordan you can't yeah we're talking

i think i'm talking streaks i think that's what i'm looking for right now like fucking uh like uh unc's women's soccer team how they just won like 23 in a row you guys know that remember me and him me and him me and him i didn't know that now well if you learned something today i thought i could teach you something here's another thing i could teach you before after the battle of the bulge well after brother learn your fucking history now it makes me think you didn't go to harvard either sass i didn't go to harvard college dropout knows more about world war ii than francis i would world war ii you off you know what the most you know what the most deadly battle in world war ii was battle of uh was that for him not knowing or for the deaths in the battle?

It was for him not knowing. Was it for the 73 million lives that were lost? It was the Battle of Singapore. Really? Yes. I'm glad I didn't guess. That was all along the Western Front, huh? I don't know what it was.

I literally looked it up last night. It said the Battle of the Bulge was number 10. Wow. Yeah. Really? See, I didn't even know. Were people just less scared of death back then? I think people were more prideful in their countries.

But I'm thinking of people who even built bridges. 90% of them died. Oh, and skyscrapers? I don't think. Yeah, but I think it was probably just people were like, I guess this is the best I got. To die on the Golden Gate Bridge. To be 20,000 feet above the air and a skyscraper human life was worth a lot less yeah it's true they were people were fucking a lot more too

yeah you'd have testosterone was higher yeah there wasn't plan b or like like a bunch of kids would die during childbirth and early on in life it's like oh you made it to 23 like you're kind of old yeah exactly get on top of a skyscraper get in the skyscraper make yourself useful die sooner you old hag we need to thin the herd do you think if you brought your time taking some risks brother if you time traveled back and you brought someone from the era of dysentery and typhoid and and and smallpox to this time and showed them harry's daily routine do you think they'd be pissed off i don't know if they'd be pissed off i think they'd be more disgusted because like dude even just like i don't know i just don't move enough you know

what i mean that's my point i think they'd look at you and they'd be like he's alive yeah that's true 17 of my closest family who on a daily basis were going out and working and gathering building and furthering civilization yeah but within a week they would lose that shit probably 100 they would play call of duty one time and they'd be like yeah this guy's got they would taste like a flaming hot cheeto and be like, holy fuck. This is better. They'd order Uber Eats. They'd get ramen delivered. Exactly. They'd be like, so you guys just have these guys picking up food for you.

You don't have to go and wipe out a whole village. You don't have to wrestle an elk to the ground. You don't have to forage. With a bow and arrow you made. You have like spicy, exotic spices. From a young spruce tree. You have the spices from like fucking india just readily available to you spice trade do you think people were getting in shootouts like crazy back

then like because like i know it was a it was very much protecting your land like do you think me and my neighbor right here would just be blasting all night no not just in the middle of the night we would just start exchanging fire how long ago are you talking about a long time ago just in the middle of the night. We would just start exchanging fire. How long ago are you talking about? A long time ago. Like in the 1800s? No, you're not having shootouts in the big city. You don't think so? I think the big city was relatively civilized. I don't think people feared death as much back then.

No, I mean, do people would get like duels are fucking insane. The fact that anyone just like, could you, could you not just be like, yeah, no, I'm not fucking dueling with you. That's crazy. We've, we've really fist fist fight instead i don't want to fucking die oh i don't have any honor fine yeah i lost my honor i'm a man of no honor 100 also dude getting shot back then was probably way worse because like the bullets weren't even that bad so you just like die slowly bullets were made from forks yeah you do just be a little marble that would hit you bro genghis khan got fucking uh and you get like internal bleeding and die

he got a arrow to his neck in a battle one time and uh the mongolians had a thing about blood and so he had an orderly like his top boy suck the blood from his neck for the entire night as he was sleeping no so he did so he didn't die and like the guy was literally swallowing the blood until the point where he was like uh he couldn't swallow any more blood because he was so full and so we started like spitting it on the ground and the next morning genghis khan came to and was like you couldn't spit the blood farther away and he killed him he was like but he just wasn't thankful at all he was like he was like gross he's like dude you just fucking spit the blood

right here that's fucking disgusting what the fuck is wrong with you sleeping and there was like a man giving him a fucking hickey throughout the entire night sometimes get any rest dragula fucking freak i was joking dude what the fuck is wrong with you? You're fucking gross. You sucked my neck the whole night? Kill this man. Boil him alive. What the fuck is wrong with you?

You fucking perv. You have a tummy full of my blood. First off, throw up. Second of all, kill him. Dude, you're going to have the worst diarrhea. Blood diarrhea? Your boy's blood diarrhea? Speaking of drinking, let's talk about mother effing twisted tea for a second right now.

Twisted tea, way better than blood. Way better than blood. A very large step up. I actually think if you went back to the 1700s, dude, these guys would be mind blown. I'll tell you what wouldn't have happened, the Boston Tea Party. If it was all twisted tea, they'd be like, we're not throwing the sheet in the ocean. If they threw it into the ocean, the population would dive

into the ocean and just start drinking it in mass like it was Chinggis Khan's blood. Like it was Tim O'Gian's blood. This is the best hard iced tea on the market. It's so dang good. They have them at the Sixers game. They're just selling them right there.

Are you and Dave going to throw some fucking Twisted's down tonight? You might have to, honestly, because they taste so incredible. I like how you're holding it closer to the computer when the computer's not the thing that's picking up the video. I'm doing the ad right now. I'm trying to sell some Twisted tea. The camera is over here. That would be more beneficial.

Twisted tea, 24-ounce cans, absolutely delicious. You can get 12-ounce cans. You can, but you don't have to. That would be more beneficial. Twisted tea, 24-ounce cans, absolutely delicious. Well, they're not all. You can get 12-ounce cans. You can, but you don't have to. You don't have to. A guy like me, because I know I'm not stopping at 12 ounces. I go, give me a 24.

Well, it tastes so darn good. Yeah. It stays so cool. It's just the perfect refreshing drink for no matter what the weather is. Summertime, wintertime, indoors, outdoors. You're going to be enjoying a twisted tea because it's made with real brewed tea not that freaking not the stuff the other guys have dude i remember when i was juan from glendale arizona too i remember i used to try and get fucking pictures i would like to submit pictures with my boys to try and get on a twisted tea can

let me see that i've been in the twisted tea can business for a minute it is a very good time every time keep it twisted with twisted tea hashtag keep it twisted go to twisted tea.com to submit your own twisted tea photos or just you know enjoy a twisted tea on your own excellent you can grab a twisted tea anywhere a refreshing twisted tea today at twisted tea.com slash locations and newsflash you're going to find a lot of locations because they literally sell them everywhere, at least in New York City, and I'm assuming other places. No, Philly too. I was literally at the Sixers game last

night and people are sucking down Twisted Tees left and right. Wait, you went to the Sixers game last night too? And I'm going tonight. That's why I got back at 2 in the morning. Bruh. Back-to-back nights? I know. It's a back-to-back for the players. It's a back-to-back for me. I'm equally exhausted I played a game I'm going to need like a massage

and some body work like these guys do yeah tell them to bring out the Theragun on you for your mind I'm going to have to talk to the to the old training staff dude last night Joel Embiid pointed at me really what did he say

and I just looked around and I was like... And he was like, no. You. I did the draft video point at myself. Me? It's crazy how that's a pretty decently big meme. It's big, dude. I see it randomly and it has like 50,000 likes.

Yeah, people use it all the time. It's very big in the NFL community. It's the pause. It's the... you hear your name and I look around and I go you actually did a pretty good impression of the meme you might be the new meme Francis

it's me I hope I'm like 50 years from now people aren't going to be like the draft video is great dude so we can meme you yeah that is going to be your so and so's draft little Sasquatch yeah yeah Francis wait wait mic down mic down too mic down too Yeah, that is going to be your... So-and-so's draft, Lil Sasquatch. Yeah, yeah, France. Wait, wait, mic down.

Mic down, too. Mic down, too. So-and-so draft, Lil Sasquatch. Detroit Lions. No, that was too long. No, no, no. I got confused. You both gave me different cues. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

He stepped on your cue. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Do it one more time. Mic down, mic down. The Detroit Lions draft, Lil Sasquatch. It's a little robotic, I will say. That's okay. You hadn't grasped what was happening to you yet.

I know. Dude, that was the greatest thing I've ever done, and I probably will never top that. No, no, you're definitely going on the gravest that. You guys may as well just tune out now. It's only going downhill from there. It's going to be like he was survived by loving wife Mabel and his two kids and he was famous for the draft video

where Duke said, how are you going to pay for rent? That was a good video. It's your best work. Duke saying, how are you going to pay for rent was probably to me the weak moment of the whole thing. It took me so long to make that video. Like the actual like getting it on the TV and like setting it up so that I would like I could react to it while it's playing on the TV and then having someone film.

It took me like six hours to like set that up to the point that when he said, how are you going to pay rent? I was like, we're not doing this again. I'm going to just fucking put this thing out. Does it bother you that he said that? No. I honestly didn't even really notice because like the actual. If you were drafted, it would be easier for you to pay rent. Yes, 100%.

That's why I never even understood why he said it. I don't understand why he said it. To me, that's the part that really doesn't make a lot of sense it doesn't make any sense but people it's like it went down in the background yeah people love that line to talk about it's just like oh this is the thing we're gonna clamp on to for this video just imagine how much more it would have done as far as virality if he hadn't said that though it would take a lot to get that more vibe i mean i don't even think the way that the algorithm works on Twitter now, I don't even think it would be possible for something to like pop off that fast.

Yeah, it would have to be like. It got like 30,000 likes in like 10 minutes. Oh, wow. It would have to be like Dom Lucre doing a video about Hunter Biden or something like that. Yeah, 100%. Or it would be like, yeah, if David was on Tucker Carlson again. Or like John Krasenstein doing a video about gays in the military or some shit like that. Yeah, 100%. Or it would be like, yeah, if Dave was on Tucker Carlson again. Or like John Krasenstein doing a video about gays in the military

or some shit like that. People have to know that the Twitter views are not accurate, right? Like the Tucker Carlson-Dave interview has like 300 million plays. It may well be. It may well do. There's no way 300 million people sat. I mean, it definitely has millions. It may be. It may well do. It no way 300 million people sat i mean it definitely has it definitely has millions maybe it may well do it could do it could do it could be it could be well it could be due

it could might do well it could well be so what's the plan you and dave you're heading out to fucking Philly again. What are we taking? Chopper, most beautiful way to see the city. He's the, then what? He's staying at the Four Seasons. Classic. Is Four Seasons real rich?

It's good. Or is that like poor people's idea of rich? No, it's city. It's city. In Philly, that's the best hotel. It is. It's city top. Because I was always like, I've always been under the impression it's Four Seasons is

like the greatest hotel on earth. But I didn't know if that was just something that I grew up being like I also used to think that the Marriott was the greatest hotel on earth and now I've stayed in a lot of Marriott's and I've realized it's the exact same thing as a Holiday Inn or like a Hyatt Inn

I think it's a step up Marriott's from Holiday Inn I've stayed at a Philly Airport Holiday Inn. Nice hotel. Yeah, they can be there. Very nice hotel. They did put me floor level, which I was not happy about. They probably thought you were going to have to go outside to

smoke cig or probably. You should have asked for an upgrade. Have I told you about that? I think I told you, Roan, about how the dude at the lobby, how it was like the dude working the desk left to drive a random girl to the bar. Did I tell you about that? No, you didn't.

But now you have. And he was like, I'm not going to let her, like the other lady working was like, what the fuck are you doing? And he's like, I'm not going to let her walk there. Are you crazy? So he just left his post? He just left his job to go drive some random girl staying at the hotel to a bar. They must get very few customers. Yeah.

That guy must be criminally horny. Criminally horny. That's true. Yeah. Did he stay? I don't know. Why didn't you go? To the bar?

Yeah. Because I had to go fucking home, dude. Into the hotel? Yeah. I had to sleep. I slept for an hour. Why did you know this happened? Because I was outside the entire time.

It took them fucking 30 minutes to check me in. Oh, you were waiting for him. Yes. And then he came back from the bar? No, he left and then the girl stepped in. She was like, I guess I'll check you in. Here's what I think we should do. Why don't you tell the story?

I just did. No, you said, have I told you? And you were like, I was the extent of the story. I don't want to tell the story again because I've already told the story. More and more breadcrumbs as if if you kept giving details it would jog the memory like he's gonna press together a loaf of breadcrumbs into a fucking i can't tell the story again because i already told the story on this podcast have you ever read that book harry potter now i've only watched the movies where the kids living under the cupboard under the stairs yes

he's living with the dursley family yeah that fat boy yeah imagine if see this is what i'm doing is i'm saying but i are you sure i just understood everything when it's his birthday and then he receives an invitation school yeah comes down the chimney did you hear that that big dude died and then i tell you the entire fucking book instead of just no but i just i guess guess you haven't heard that story. You picked the worst possible way to use this point because I understand everything that you're saying. So you're saying that you continue to do with me. Let me do this for you. This will be one that you don't quite understand. You don't know a lot about.

Do you know what the Battle of the Bulge is? Something that you're a little more unfamiliar with. Wait, Battle of the Bulge? You're talking about Bastogne. Was that part of World War II? Yes. I think you're talking about baston was that part of world war ii yes i think you're gonna need to give me more i started the uh pacific last night i don't think you know more about the battle of the bulge i don't think i do i just know that it was a part of it was in so then you're your uh your parallel there i don't even know about the battle of

singapore your parallel didn't work sorry there was no hbo fucking recreation of the battle of singapore some of us have to do a little deep dive on the computer find this shit out battle of singapore something funny about that yeah he's dead in there were there actually i don't know i think like an entire city was held hostage well we don't even know his prisoners we don't even know shit about it no we don't so anyway what happened francis was sass got to a hotel in the middle of the night, and he was about to go check in. Oh, I think I have heard this story.

And then the guy wasn't there because he had to take the girl to the bar because he was criminally horny. You were right, the bar. He was criminally horny. And then she lost her glass slipper at the ball. And you were outside. So it took you half an hour to get in. And the clock struck midnight and her pumpkin turned back into a horse. And then you couldn't go to the bar because, that's right, you only slept for an hour.

You needed to go home. I did. And then what? All right. This podcast is over. No, it's not. We have to go a little long tonight today because we gotta really break through this fucking bar stool what is it stool streams we want to take

away as many viewers as possible from them stool streams that would be a great name for my new segment where we all go to france and pee on a bunch of 11 year olds we should just change the name of this to stool streams i'm just change the name of this to Stool Streams. I'm going to make, should I make the title of this episode Stool Streams? You definitely should. I did a bit about that thing, by the way,

once. You just gave yourself a fucking rim shot? No, my hand must have slipped. Yeah, he did rim him up. He gave himself a rim job. He rimmed himself.

What were you about to say, Francis? I did a bit about that. All those kids, they were uncircumcised. And they made fun of me. They called me Garcon de Champignon. What does Champignon mean? Mushroom. Because they could see the head of my penis.

Because I was circumcised. Dude, objectively, a circumcised penis looks better than an uncircumcised penis. Why are we pretending? That's the joke. And why do you need to jump ahead? Because it's so predictable. Are you just incapable of letting it happen? But it's true.

I really think if someone was blind their entire life and they finally regained sight and you put a circumcised penis and an uncircumcised penis next to each other they would look at the uncircumcised penis and they'd be like is that like a fungus that grew off the side of a tree thank you for giving me the rim shot that was a con i don't know if that was supposed to be an insult that was a compliment no you just did you did my whole joke that i was about to do brother you got to rewrite your jokes then because that was fucking easy to come up that's not my joke was better that was easy my joke was better well let's hear yours you can't say that so they would make fun of me or um they would make fun of me for for being circumcised yeah which to me is so backwards that'd be like a homeless guy making fun of you for having a roof over your head rimshot you can give yourself a rimshot for that i can see that playing that joke killed

yeah double kill right no you don't double rimshot okay that's crazy double right like donkey none of us are at the level none of us are at the caliber to be double rimshotting like that i'm getting in here tight i'm coming in coming in hot that's uh that is a very astute observation i liked it way more than it's better and the fact that hairball i'm gonna do that on stage in st louis speaking of which i'm gonna be in st louis this weekend please buy tickets to that dude please are you like out of your high or something no i'm fucking sweating he had a coffee he had one coffee and he's uh zooming someone who seems professes to respect the the uh the puritanical approach to comedy you really sure do step on other people i've been

watching a lot of investigative um shows and i'm very into right now predicting what's going to happen so i think i'm jumping in ahead of time to be like i knew that was going to happen because i have a mind of a detective this is this is going to serve you well at comic stables yeah people start workshopping bits and you say i know where this is going here let me do it let me finish it for you yeah and then i'll walk you home rewrite that shit that shit sucks do it my way say my joke instead i'll say here how's a better idea i'll scratch that entire thing i'll just write you a joke myself because that shit is ass it's funny because you're making fun of yourself doing that but that is what you are doing i know i'm well aware i don't think you are i am this is a coffee i will blame it on the coffee they're making starbucks coffee so fucking strong

these days i was drinking coffee on the ride back and it was like I had cocaine in my body. I was grinding my teeth as I went to sleep. What did you get from Starbucks? I just get the normal coffee. Nitro cold brew. Yeah, dude. That shit is legitimately crack cocaine. Yeah.

I was literally grinding my teeth as if I had gone to sleep on cocaine. It was probably you cracked your spine in a weird way, and the cocaine had a little second life i don't do cocaine okay brother whatever you gotta say whatever makes you feel better oh i know ron's doing cocaine when i when it's 3 a.m and i have 30 missed calls from ron and then he calls and he's like so what are we gonna do on wednesday i'm like dude what are you talking about that's never happened in your life i call you anytime rome calls me at like three in the morning i know he's fucking partying i've never called you at three in the morning i called you once this past week at 7 p.m on sunday and you just didn't answer until the next day i was watching ball what are you doing boy dad and i have it right here sometimes it's easier to sunday 8 47

outgoing call five seconds watching ball 8 47 no that's the that's the jacks raiders and I have it right here. Sometimes it's easier to just text. Sunday, 847. Outgoing call. Five seconds. In the middle of watching ball. 847? No, that's the downtime. Watching the Jets-Raiders game of the week. Jets-Raiders, that's why I called you, because I knew it was a lull in ball.

Why do I feel like the Jets and the Raiders have played each other 20 times this season? And the game always sucks. It's always ass. At least next week's going to be, and we've got some good primetime. Yeah, what are we doing for the birds? I don't know.

We should do a live stream. Birds Chiefs. Yo, gambling stream? Gambling cave? The gambling cave. We should have a cave. We should call it the gambling cavern, though. Cavern.

And pretend that it's a new thing. We should do a gambling stream, but break all of the rules. No! Don't break the rules. Bad boys. The bad rules of the stream. What are the rules? We should just be encouraging people to put their entire life savings down on like 30 parlays.

We should have like a violent gambling stream. I placed this bet and in no way was I sober. I did all the drugs. I'm seeing it clearly. Seeing the board. Thanks to this mix of hallucinogens that I procured on the corner. I don't even remember placing this one. $30,000?

I can't afford to lose that. $30,000 on Damar Hamlin to have a pick six? Is your neighbor the naked neighbor? No, I'm the naked neighbor. Dude, if you're the naked neighbor, then Emrata is seeing your bush. I don't care if she sees my bush, as long as she doesn't see my tummy. Your bush looks like Bob Dylan's hair. She can see all of my bush.

That's fine with me. There's no doubt in my mind that your bush is so overgrown. It is. I shave it like once a year. I know. It's a big day. Like that's... I gotta go buy baby powder after

so I don't get any fucking warts? No, what is it? Razor burn? Razor burn? I was dozing off to sleep the other day and I just came to the realization that you have a massive bush. That like if you fell off of like Why were you thinking about this dozing off to sleep? It helps me go to sleep.

You have this fucking like airbag of a bush like if someone if you got in a car accident you'd be protected by your big cinches belts down just to tamp it closer and some of it goes over and some of it goes under the belt this is true what you're saying is very true no doubt in my mind that's why i have to pull my underwear up really high and it looks like a bulge just to compress it like it looks like bob ross's hair razor weed yeah impeding on the well-kept garden of the neighbor who's mad that you don't tend your garden but doesn't know you passed away six years ago

right like they should be just helping you out your neighbor should be coming over and trimming your bush like you're a paraplegic. You got Boo Radley's fucking backyard under there. Is that his name? Boo Radley. I don't know Boo Radley. That's because you didn't go to college. He's never read books. Was he in the Battle of the Bulge?

Old Boo Radley. Alright, well we can end this. We've been going for like an hour and a half. Nice. Close to that. Nice. All right. Well, thank you guys all for tuning in. Please subscribe to Son of a Boy Dad Podcast.

Please subscribe. It helps us immensely. Please comment on this video. Can you comment? Sass is Bush. Can you do a comparison of what Sass is Bush is like in the comments? And that way we'll know that you made it to the end. And then that will feed the algorithm. subscribe like the video turn on notifications because we're not going to overwhelm you we're just going to give you a notification whenever we put out a podcast

it will help us immensely and we're trying to do something over here okay you see how the light shined in as i said we're trying to make magic right now that's god talking to us being like okay boys you're doing something right. I'm going to be in St. Louis this weekend. Come buy tickets to that. Francis is going to be in Arlington, Virginia this weekend. FrancisSells.com. See ya. LittleSasquatchWebsite.com.

I'm going to be in the game with Dave tonight. Come by and say what's up. Come by, say hi, pay your respects. Come by to Courtside. Yeah, they're not going to let you down, but you can say hi from six rows back. Take a picture. That's like a suicide by cop. If you try and go say hi to Ronan and Dave at the game, you will be shot in the head.

Mike, the security guard, he's been itching for some action. He's got a fucking bulletproof vest and an AK. Will he go? No, no, no. Actually, it's going to be me and Dave in the wild, which means that if there's an assassination attempt, the onus is on me to protect our Presidente. I'm going to have to dive in front

of a fucking projector. I'm going to have to dive in front of the t-shirt gun. Somebody! Someone replaces the t-shirts and the t-shirt gun with frozen t-shirts. We're trying to compress a wound. This Go Sixers t-shirt!

Give me the morphine! Sponsored by Duncan. Alright, we'll see you guys Monday. Goodbye.