Son of a Boy Dad - Son of a Boy Dad: (BONUS) Episode #77 - The Legend, Matt McCusker

Episode Date: September 1, 2022

Son of a Boy Dad: (BONUS) Episode #77 - The Legend, Matt McCusker -- Sas & Rone are joined by Matt from Matt & Shane's Podcast aka Matt McCusker aka Matt Writes Books -- We discuss growing a beard, LinkedIn, corporate fuck fests, losing your wedding ring, tracking your sleep, lucid dreaming, Sydney Sweeney's dumpers/cancellation, Bruce Springsteen, itch creams/lubes, picking crab grass, older sisters' friends, Pokemon cards, Drexel, the no bra movement, getting back from Australia, jetlag, monkeypox, being a weed dealer, being a published author, War Mode to Barstool, Matt/Shane back on yak, stand-up vs battle rap, hypotheticals, banter, riffing, & much, much more -- Enjoy, thank you, and God bless -- Lil Sasquatch, Adam FerroneYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, Son of a Boy Dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Alrighty. You good to go? Yeah. Cool. Are we recording?

What is up, everybody? Welcome back to Son of a Boy Dad podcast. Today it is Tuesday. What's the date? August 30th and we have a special guest. Matt McCusker. Thank you guys. McCusker? You say McCusker?

It's McCusker. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I've been saying McCusker. Everyone does. Really? Oh yeah. I won an ice cream, a free ice cream, free ice cream like ice cream cone kindergarten they announced my name over the thing like matt mccuster and i was just like fuck it dude

fuck you should have not accepted it you should be like there's no i was i was pops dude you i it was school wide and i got like i think it was like my favorite flavor at the time was rocky road so i got like a free cone imagine being six and they just say your name over the speaker like you want ice it was the happiest i've ever been yeah that's awesome nothing could take it away i was like i think i was five it was a long time ago i must have been i don't know when it was but i was like this was the cool that was the best day of my life but that's ice cream's different than custard though custard custard like he said how he's saying your name true true i didn't throw a d on the end kind of did it was equally You're damn near, dude. It was equally disrespectful. People give me like,

I sometimes steal like Civil War general stuff. People are like, oh, McCuster? And I'm like, yeah, pretty much. Yeah. I'm probably related

to that guy somehow, yeah. You're essentially a Civil War general. The way you live your life. You could probably grow a good ass beard, dude. Could you grow a beard? No, only a goatee,

which also is a Civil War general. Yeah, that's kind of sweet. I can only grow a goat. Yeah, they- I want to grow a beard so fucking bad. Yeah. Sometimes I do the filters on my phone to see what I would look like, and I'm like,

oh, it looks so much better. Just put those out professionally. I know. I know. I should. You should use those. Do you have LinkedIn? No.

Start one. Get the beard. Yes. I would get hired as the face of Patagonia. That's how handsome you'd be? Dude, the pictures are astonishing. Do you ever fuck around on LinkedIn? No,

but I, I did. I found out that people can see when you look at their profiles. Yeah. And I like looked at a girl's profile and then I deleted my entire account instantly. I Googled, I was like, oh,

there's no, I was like, I just had to check. I was like, can people see? And it was like, it was like, yeah,

they get an email. Yeah, but it's perfect. It was professional to check. I was like, can people see? And it was like, yeah, they get an email. Yeah, but it's professional. It was professional. Yeah. It was not professional. Dude, you were endorsing her. I think it was someone who I like had never even met before.

Are you? But why would you? Yeah, I don't think she'd be disgusted by that. Yeah, she would. I think she'd be freaked out. It was bad. You hit her with the beard filter pick and we're like, I want to pursue you. I know you're a professional woman, but I want to come pursue you.

Because the fact that you deleted it. Throw it all away to come to the woods with me. The fact you deleted it makes me think that you did want to pursue her sexually. She got the view and then it was just gone with the wind. He was like, damn, this dude just. I can't be the first person who's done that. You looked. She probably saw. She got the view. And then it was just gone with the wind. He was like, damn, this dude just. I can't be the first person who's done that. I know. Dude, you're definitely not the first person to perv on chicks online.

On LinkedIn. On LinkedIn, though, I feel like it's so much creepier. No, that's where the hardest perving probably occurs. Probably. Because those are the people that don't have social media. Business guys from the west. You've already checked every form of social media. And you couldn't find them.

I used to work for a place that was looking at women's profiles on facebook and be like she's hot should we hire her is this chick hotter and they would bring me in i'm like i don't know she's kind of hot and they got we're gonna hire her that's a pretty good job the job stunk but that that was kind of like that was kind of like all right fuck that's how we do it at barstool it didn't treat i can see that it didn't yeah it did at the time i had no my professional ethics weren't where they were i was kind of like That's how we do it at Barstool. It didn't treat. I can see that. It didn't. It's probably 100%. Yeah, it did at the time. I had no, my professional ethics weren't where they were.

I was kind of like made perfect sense in my head. I'm like, yeah, obviously. Wait, was that the official way that they were doing the hiring? Or like, they were like, all right, we're going to pretend that we're looking at a resume, but we're actually just. I mean, dude, it was like the whole place was fucking bullshit. So it was just like women sitting there licking envelopes and shit so you might as well get babes that is fair oh yeah it's

like what what really what credentials would you be looking for in an envelope licker your lip you're like literally looking at lips and tongue true you're just zoning in on lips and tongue to see if they're anatomically correct for it true are you pouty lips and a luscious tongue so would your boss pull you in and be like which one of these girls would you rather yeah stuff well it was just kind of like yo we're about to get another we're about to hire someone who do you think we should get just showed me pictures right on right on that's hilarious pretty tight damn right on these people had uh linkedins they had linkedin? Definitely had LinkedIn's, dude. Yeah.

I haven't been, I was 19 at the time. Now I'm 36. That was like my last, no, I had one more sojourn into the business corporate world when I was like 27 for two weeks. But like that was like my only experience within like an actual office. That's amazing that it took an actual LinkedIn profile to get that. Like did you, looking back, do you think actual LinkedIn profile to get that. Like did you, looking back,

do you think the LinkedIn profile was necessary for the job that you got? Like could you have gotten the job? Oh no, I never. My LinkedIn, I used to have a shirtless pic on LinkedIn. That's awesome.

It was pretty sick. That's sick. The girls were definitely perving on you. Dude, my skills were like fucking sexual shit. What if you found out that's how you got hired? People hit me up like in certain,

like, yo, what the fuck are you doing on LinkedIn? Like you're gonna ruin your whole future. You can't fuck around on LinkedIn. I know, but people take it dead serious. There's people in here

who's like, they update their LinkedIn profile and it's like a big moment for their career. It's like a watershed moment. Like you update the LinkedIn profile, you're head of video now.

Yeah, some Chinese billionaire just clicks your picture and is like, perfect. This is the man I've been waiting now. Yeah, some Chinese billionaire just clicks your picture. It's like, perfect. This is the man I've been waiting for. Yeah, LinkedIn is fucked up, dude. It's like the, if we were actually to fall to like, if like, you know,

Facebook and Twitter like merged and just ruled our lives, we'd have to use LinkedIn. Like everyone would be forced to use LinkedIn. It's the most humorless, it's like the most humorless like fake social media platform. But people spend

all day don't don't don't know much people just post like motivational like work space quotes on it like on their page i think so and i don't think it's like sweet to navigate either like you're not like swiping down like some tiktok shit or whatever there's no algorithm they should make it like that but you get on you see someone endorsed your skills and you're like yes dude is that how it works you get like an endorsement on linkedin it's like somebody you know new from high school endorsed your fucking microsoft excel skills and you're like nice so dudes are fucking off linkedin yeah it's a i would imagine yeah i would imagine dudes are fucking on linkedin big hundred percent big time and it's like corporate sex too. All the Wall Street bros. Yeah.

The kids that like just graduated college and they're like, that's the first thing they do is they make LinkedIn to get some corporate pussy. I really think that that's what's going on. My wife is always on LinkedIn, dude. And it's probably because I'm not on there. I got to get on there. You need to work it down. You got to get on.

Or start a joint account. Exactly. We got to do a joint. We have to share an account. Me and my wife, our professional interests have merged exactly that's the only way to make sure that fuck endorsed you last who the fuck is kevin yeah why is he endorsing your page you don't know shit about typewriting completely different field i've seen you use excel you suck at excel yeah get on there dude why are you zoomed in on this guy's lips? Gotta keep him honest on LinkedIn, dude. This guy's luscious ass lips.

It's just powerful men. It's just nonstop powerful men. It's devastating. And I stay off because I think I'd be bored by it. But that's probably, they'll lull you to sleep, dude. They'll probably inspirational quote you to sleep. But then the next thing you know, they're having that corporate sex you were talking about. Oh, yeah.

Bent over the oak, over the mahogany desk or some shit like that that's absolutely disgusting i want to get out of it see what it's like khakis dude dude birds get so hard in khakis and like dress pants oh my god that's why pleats were invented to like fucking disguise the boner that's because dude dress pants your whole life exactly you're the hardest most dribbling dude in the world and you you're going on business trips. That's why there are business conferences. Why are they always in Las Vegas? Bro, it's just debauchery. It's for fuck fests.

It's Saturnalia for mid-managers. They go in there and they're fucking each other and getting drunk. It really is just fuck. Every time we go on trips and we're staying in a hotel and there's always conferences going on. And I remember being in the elevator with people and the sexual tension is just strong it's unbearable i mean they're utterly repressed yeah their entire existence is repressed beyond any imagination yeah and then they just feed them alcohol in las vegas and then they just like 69 they all have work husbands yeah yeah eating ass and shit it's disgusting it's got to be just like i thought about flipping the tables at a work conference going in like you guys get the fuck out of here.

Yeah like Jesus in the temple. Go back to your families. Just driving around Las Vegas. This many people care about fucking like bottle caps or whatever you guys sell. It's like go home. No. The same way that people there's like vigilantes who will find like to catch a predator people

walking into Walmart. Like we should be vigilantes at these work conferences. Be like, you have a fucking husband, dude. You switch the ring hand from one to the other. We know you're out there fucking. Yeah, he's like this. He's like, no, it's a thumb ring. Why does it only go around the tip of the thumb?

I can't get around the first knuckle. I have a silicone ring. I've been experimenting with this thumb ring lately. That's kind of dope. Thumb ring is nasty, dude. Yeah, thumb kind of dope. Thumb ring is nasty, dude. Yeah, thumb ring is dope. The silicone ring is dope, too. That's a ball player's ring.

Yeah, I lost my other one. Did you? I was playing pool football. Dude, literally, we were at the beach. I was with Shane and my brother came down. And I think my boy's bud. And we were playing pool football. And dude, literally, I lost some weight.

And I went like that. And I think it just flew off of my finger. Damn i had to come home be like yo i was trying to catch balls in the pool and it fucking i tossed my ring it just slid and she was like dude you lost weight on your hands yeah i lost a ton of weight also i told her though i'm like dude you think i like took my ring off to have sex and lost it yeah dude i wouldn't take it off he's like that's fucked up don't talk about that it makes girls so much hornier to marry how do you lose weight in your hands dude if you lose like 10 pounds you just your whole body just like the hands i gain weight in my hands i know but it's ring size so it's like you lose like a millimeter that thing's

flying off and like bloating, yeah, if you bloat or if you like in a pool, don't you kind of like shrivel, your hand shrivels down a little bit? I could have used the prune defense. Yes. Yeah. A little bit of pruning.

I was fucking pruned as hell. Yeah. I've been in the pool for too long. I was pruned. If it was in like an enclosed space, like one of my boys lost his tubing. Like he got like caught up in some rapids tubing

and it just whipped off of his hand. He lost his shoes. He lost his wedding ring or whatever. We couldn't go back for it. I feel like you could have like kind of done a little. Dude, I looked. It was a two day process and it was I just looked around for literally an hour and a half. Did you have the fellows?

Did you have the fellows? The fellows helped me too. Yeah. I mean, you know, they weren't the most dedicated. They did. You know. I'm thinking of the four of you going like belly down on the pool like in formation trying to figure out where no stone was unturned like a field search

yeah field search yeah no no stone was unturned dude but then you have to eventually give up i eventually just called her and said yo here's the deal i fucking lost this thing i'm gonna stop worrying about it and have fun you tell her you were looking for it though i told her i was like i flipped every stone yeah that's the dedication is what matters you gotta have the boys get on the line too be like he was he's looking he's looking yeah he was really looking he didn't sleep last night well there's like broken up over it yeah and there's you know it's like it just has that like connotation like you lost it like immediately that you can't just lose this it's like no you lost it and like butt fucked some lady yeah it's like no i just lost it it's in her ass yeah i didn't impregnate a lady impregnate a lady and beating

her no i didn't do that at all i just fucking things slid off my finger but yours yours now isn't going anywhere silicon yeah get another one i have like five of these at the house if i lose it whatever sometimes i just i forget to wear it sometimes i never got used to like wearing a thing i take mine off every night when i get home it's more it's like uh i don't wear it sometimes. I never got used to like wearing a thing. I take mine off every night when I get home. It's more, it's like I don't wear it all the time. But then I talked to my dad, like he has never taken his shit off. Like it won't even come off. Because he's plumped up a little bit.

So you know what I mean? That's just not sliding off. But mine, like I don't want to be sleeping in jewelry or whatever. I don't know. I'm not sure I'd be sleeping in it. Do you pop it off to sleep? Every night. Pop it off every night to sleep.

Yeah. I can't have anything. I tried. I used to track my sleep with an Apple watch and even that, like I can't have, I can't have anything on my body. I feel that. I don't want to be touched like that. No, I don't like wearing anything.

Totally nude. I have a Fitbit, but that's new. Nice. Before that I was raw. Tracking your sleep? Oh yeah. It is nice to track, tracking your sleep when you wake up and you're like, oh my God, I had two hours of deep sleep last night. Fuck. but then it kind of reverse fucks you too because then you

get super used to it and then you wake up one day and you're like three hours and then you're like even if you're not tired you fully convince yourself that you're tired you're like i didn't hit my fucking goal last night yeah it sucks yeah there's a there is a whole thing online like every instagram ad is a product to be like we finally figured it out all you need is l-theanine yeah everyone's just clinically depressed on like a massive scale yeah yeah like gojo beans are not going to be the mud water shit have you seen that stuff yeah yeah no that's my water it's there it's like supposed to be like they try and mark it as like an to coffee. Or an alternative to coffee.

But it's like, first of all, the name sucks. Mudwater. Doesn't sound that sweet. And then, secondly, it looks disgusting. I know the guy who owns it. I know the guy who owns it. He is the man. It's fucking sweet. He is the man.

I love that shit. No, no, no. It's great. Tell him to send some over. It's a free... The market is free. You're just the invisible hand of the market, dude. He is the man but yeah

I never was my thing so it's like a combination of different mushrooms yeah yeah oh it's mushrooms and they add caffeine a little bit of caffeine yeah it's supposed to be like coffee but you don't get the jitters if I yeah I'm in it for the jitters I can't

I enjoy the jitters I'm in it for the sheer panic dude if I drink this whole thing It just It's euphoria Then like two hours later I'm like Oh fuck shit It's brutal

I can't drink coffee I can drink energy drinks Fine Coffee for some reason Really Like one sip of coffee I'm like going home And laying in bed

With the lights off Is that bad Brutal Yeah Damn You can tolerate energy drinks Dude I can I can slam like 300 milligram energy drinks

and be fine what yeah what is it about coffee that i think it might be placebo uh as well because i'm like i had like insane panic attacks in high school from coffee yeah and now every time i drink it i'm like that was a horrible mistake so i used to happen to me i should not be able to drink coffee yeah and i just now i can just be like whatever and just slam it yeah fucked up but yeah if you start having anxiety dude coffee is absolutely the worst thing especially before flights i'd be like smoking a joint to my face and drinking a fucking cold brew and i would wonder why i was like terrified i can't even drink like a diet coke before i fly yeah or else it'll be fucking is the caffeine yeah i think that's yeah the caffeine

definitely induces some anxiety oh yeah some pit sweat i remember being in high school like when i first got anxiety and i like didn't really know what it was and just slamming a cup of coffee and then just like sitting there with like just not moving for like two hours and being like dude what's wrong with my brain i'm gonna die yeah i'm gonna die you'm gonna die be like nothing I'm dying right now you're like 17 and then you go outside and you're just better all of a sudden what the fuck was that

I better keep a lookout for that I hope that doesn't happen again I hope that all fuck is happening again like 7 years of your life are you still off the caffeine or on the caffeine i was i got i get back so here's what happened so i was off coffee for a while and then i started taking magnesium i heard about taking like different types of it and like i think this stuff whatever the like neurotransmitters are and you're like your parasympathetic nervous system the part like slows you down your sympathetic nervous

system makes you like run away parasympathetic slows you down you can run out of like the physical components of whatever the juice that it like pumps out to like chill you out that makes sense okay and a lot of that stuff's made by magnesium so i started taking magnesium and weirdly enough i could tolerate coffee but then of course i fucking spazzed out and started drinking like espresso every day yeah yeah like fucked up on coffee and i was right back i used all my magnesium up like in two weeks i was like all right fuck this is magnesium crazy for dreams doesn't it supposed to make crazy dreams take magnesium before you dream you have pretty tight dreams really yeah good dreams or bad dreams cool there's vivid i mean it could be terrifying but vivid dreams get a little dicey though yeah you

have one bad one and you're like that was real life i chased that actually happened i chased that i had a dream one time that i was dreaming and realized that the world was just a dream in the dream i woke up and was just like it was a fucking it was terrible i had like the full like holy fuck and then i woke up and was like yeah have you ever tried lucid dreaming yeah if i get sleep paralysis a lot so i try to get pussy right away and then i fucking wake up every single time in the loop i trained myself i trained myself every single time it's either i get attacked by demons or i try to get pussy in both times i'm fucking out i trained myself to lose a dream when i was in like seventh or sixth grade did it work yeah i did it once and then i never did it again so what'd you do i apparently if you you're supposed to like every hour you're supposed to stick your hand while you're awake you're supposed your finger, poke it in your hand, and then you do it while you're dreaming and it goes through your hand.

And then instantly I was like, I'm going to fly. And then I was I was in the bathroom in my dream. I'm just like flying like my back's like hitting the top of the ceiling. And I woke up instantly. Damn. Yeah, that's kind of crazy. That is even an option to be able to do. But I never do in none of my dreams do i do

stuff that wouldn't happen in real life i'm never flying i'm never like visiting like different realms like i'm never like encountering like a fucking monster or anything like that yeah basically like i just chase a dog or chase a ball like i just i'm in a field like running around i'm kind of the same way nothing nothing paranormal ever happens to me and i don't know i don't know why it is dude i had literally the other night i had a dream that i wasn't even me it was just i was watching a dude who was getting who would like take like meteors would hit the ground he would take the powder and sell it and every time he sold the powder another meteor would hit that place exactly where he is and he only had like 10 seconds to get out of there but he figured out how to like get away from them and then like it

started slamming into his house and he like ate the powder and died this was your dream yeah this is like the other day is it true every face in your dreams you've seen in real life somewhere i don't know because then there's you have missed you ever have dreams of just like women you've never met before oh yeah you just don't know and then you wake up and you're like pissed you're like dude she was the best where the fuck did she go just Just an absolute mystery woman. I don't know. It could be.

I mean, I don't know. I had a dream about Sidney Sweeney a couple months ago. Woke up furious. I was like, something woke me up. Like my mom called me or some shit. And I woke up and I was like livid. Pissing your mom? Dude, I was like, that was like the best dream I've ever had.

It was like me and Sidney Sweeney were just like hanging out. Oh yeah, you try and get back. Yeah, the GFA. Yeah. But what do you think that you're... I don't even know who this person is, but is this problem guessing some hot porn star? No, dude. Sidney Sweeney, the girl from Euphoria.

She's just an HBO babe. Oh's a hbo babe oh the trans uh yeah the trend he was furious who is it oh i know you're talking about yeah okay racked up i know you're talking about racked up for sure racked up she's getting canceled right now because her dad dad wore a blue lives matter shirt in like a picture that she posted. And everyone's like, bro, how is HBO not doing background checks on these freaks? What the fuck? It's preposterous.

Dude, of course. She's a big titty princess. I know, right? I know. She's from like Ohio. I would support the cops if my daughter had tits like that too. Yeah. And she just couldn't be this way if that wasn't what her lineage was like her parents

aren't going to produce like they're not going to produce sydney sweeney unless they vote how they vote and they live how they live like that's not how that that shit comes to be also you have to be such a fucking noodle to like genuinely pretend that that offends you like what her dad and her mom had like a it was like make 60 great again hat or something so it wasn't even make america great but it was like a parody of it. And people were, were furious. It was her 60th birthday. Sick.

Fuck it. That's a fun time for 60. It had like a mechanical bowl and everything. It looks like a good time. They're not going to care. Oh man. There's probably some tits in that family too. I think it was probably rocking.

Her grandparents said she had the best tits in Hollywood. Her grandparents said that? Direct quote from them. This family rules. I they don't they hate dude they hate the family dude they fucking hate the family yeah they can't show love to the family but uh to just to circle back to dreams dude i'm trying to figure out what your dream meant because i feel like all dreams are like allegorical like every dream has has to do something with your life like it's based on like a fear that you have or something like that. So I'm trying to figure out what your dream was,

where you're, where the dude was like selling the powder from the fucking meteor and like running back. And like the time was running out. Everyone who tried to do that would get crushed by meteors, but he figured out, he goes, I know when these things are coming.

So we could tell when they were coming. Was he you? Are you the guy? It was not me. It was just some other dude. Are you like, were you studying him? Were you like trying to peep game off this was i was purely just like watching i wasn't

even just like an i had no concern in the matter i was just watching this dude run from these meteors and eventually like he had like a stone house and it blasted through his stone door and he was like fuck dude they finally found me and he just sat there and ate the powder and he just slowly died what the fuck damn dude i woke up. What the fuck? I was like, damn, dude. And I woke up like, what the fuck was that? If you had to guess what a meaning of it would be in your own life, what do you think it was? If you had to do some dream analysis on yourself, what do you think it was based on?

It could be about people trying to shirk responsibility, being like, I'm above the law, I'm beyond the system. Then you just, you still die. Damn. You die. You might even die a worse death, having not subjected yourself to the rules of life. i would rather get taken down by the meteor than the eat the powder that's what i'm saying yeah it was it was like a really agonizing lonely death

he like ate the powder and was like laid there what the fuck god damn dude you're a deep ass thinker it's just literally i just have the most fucked up dreams. Dude, my dreams, I was taking these, the Ollie fucking what is this? The gummies you take to fall asleep. What is the? Melatonin. Melatonin. Yeah. I was taking the melatonin gummies and my dreams got so vivid that I started like talking to

people and being like, remember when this happened? And they'd be like, I have no idea what you're talking about. I like flushed them down the toilet in like a, I was like so scared. Too much too much dreaming dude i literally like it for like a week straight i was like i could not tell like what reality was because i was just my dreams were so real dude that's wild yeah our glands we're fucking with our glands we're just dumping light into our brains at all times we don't know when it's time to to like access the dream i know those that shit's strong though because when i would take them and I could track on my Fitbit,

I would get like six hours of REM sleep. What? Yeah. That's a lot? Yeah. You get like an hour a night usually. That's six hours. Is it possible to get like straight REM the entire way?

There's four stages of sleep. Yeah? Yeah. And it's waves that you're going into? Yep. And then you go into stage one, stage two, stage three, and then stage four is REM. And the only muscles that aren't paralyzed is your breathing muscles and I think your eyes because your eyes move around like up, down, and up.

Yeah. Yeah. Dude, I'll forget to breathe sometimes in my waking hours and I'll just realize that I've been holding my breath for a fucking minute and I'll just like let out like a fucking big ass sigh. I feel like people are like looking at me like, what the fuck is wrong with you? If I drink too much coffee i do that i'll be standing there and i'll be like yeah i haven't been breathing yeah they've done um lucid dreaming

studies where they have people there's people who claim they can be aware the entire time they're asleep even when they're dreaming and they have them they track them they enter a rem state which is like that's like the you know their deep sleep and then they have them since they their eyes are moving they have them them kind of do a conscious eye pattern to tell them, like, I'm awake right now. Really? I'm dreaming right now, but I'm completely with it. Well, I don't even think I'd want that.

That's kind of fucked up. To just be in it and on at all times? Yeah, it's kind of fucked up. I don't know why people... And they say the cool thing they chase is not even the dreams, but the complete dreamless sleep. They just sit there and they're like... That could be just dudes making it up i don't know yeah that's nuts but they're aware of it they're aware of dreamless sleep there's dudes that claim that so six hours

of just fucking chilling i mean these are like what dudes in india flex each on each other with they're like bro i'm never i'm awake even when i'm asleep like give me two dude obviously i am too they come here and they trick americans and be like dude i'll give you all my money teach me how to do this they're like okay why would you want that i wouldn't want that at all that would suck supreme awareness yeah i guess no one could is that some buddhist shit or what they claim yeah also just like life is short you guys never feel guilty about turning off for like a third of it? No. No, I see it, dude. I see it. Damn, never. I crawl to the bed every night, dude.

I'm like, finally. Yeah. Yeah, I heard like Roger Federer gets like 14 hours of sleep sometimes when he's trying to like train the hardest or whatever.

So does LeBron, yeah. LeBron gets like 12 or something like that that these dudes are just trying to be off for half the time. Yeah. Over half the time.

Yeah, it's powerful, dude. That's nuts. Why, do you feel that way, Owen? Do you feel like- Yeah, I have a terrible relationship with That's nuts. Why? Do you feel that way, Owen? Do you feel like- Yeah, I have a terrible relationship with sleep, though. You feel guilty over your sleep? Yeah.

I get very existentialist in the night hours. Really? But I feel like being awake will kind of make- will rob you of, like, good awakeness when you should be sleeping.

Or do you not feel that in your existential crisis? Yeah. Hard to find that. How old are you, if you don't mind me asking? 23. Oh, dude, yeah. You're fried. 23. You're just completely

full of common energy, dude. It's an absolute physical spas ball, dude. When I was 23, I was the same way. You need to get your sleep. Just trying to push it? I like being awake at night, though, like really late when no one else is awake. You feel like you have like ownership of the night.

Yeah. You kind of own the moment. If you go to bed early, you can do that early in the morning and it's 50 times better. It is better, yeah. You just, all you do is slowly degrade. When you stay up late, you just slowly unravel and fall apart. Yeah. And you wake up late like, oh, fuck.

Yeah. That is a shitty feeling. But the people who are so gung-ho about waking up super early and like rub it in your face, be like, oh, you slept in till 7 30 i was up at 5 30 that's tough they made me hate fucking the idea of waking up early yeah that was me i did that for a bit yeah i mean jaco started doing pictures of the wristwatch and it was like yeah i got super into goggins yeah that'll happen. That's like the next stage after like getting over panic attacks. Yeah, I just run 47 miles a day. It really is. I just run 47 miles a day.

Yeah. I got super into Goggins when I was in, for my freshman year of college. And I fucking, I remember my roommate was like a big, like Coke, all that, like do, do a bunch of Coke, stay up to like 9am and I'd wake up. Kind of a Goggins head too. Yeah. I would have it like 5am and I'd be like stretching to like 9 a.m and i'd wake up kind of a goggin's head too yeah yeah yeah yeah i would have it like 5 a.m and i'd be like stretching to like go on a run you guys would just see each other oh yeah i'd be like looking at him just being like you're a fucking piece of shit dude get your life together bruce and all people that's one mile that's a term i learned from you guys bruce and own people

weren't you guys talking about like bruce springsteen yeah when you're bruce springsteen you just like pull up in a fucking that's blue collar job though that's when your blue collar job oh and you got a blue job like these fucking pussies aren't working two times the bruce the one was when i uh i delivered beer to like the art museum of philadelphia and there i think there was like i had like classmates or people i knew there like a professional art function i walked in with a hand truck with like cases of beer like oh hey guys i'm taking these down in the kitchen and then i one time came home i was doing demolition like i had stopped doing comedy for a while i was doing demolition for my dad and i was just covered in like like you rip roofs off and there's a stuff

called pitch that like literally like your whole face is black you're literally like burt from mary poppins i was walking and i saw two dudes i was doing stand-up with and they were like oh hey what's up mccusker and i was just covered in soot like oh hey guys yeah i was fully bruised out it was that's good feeling, though. It is sweet because you really just stunt on people. It's like your fucking soft hands, like your fucking pussy ass shit. What's a movie with Matt Damon? It's Good Will. I was like dumb Good Will.

I was just dumb. I was looking at him like, hey, guys. Didn't know anything about math. I'm like, later. I just got $150,000 in education. Could have gone for $1.50 in late charges. Turns out I i could just work for my dad hey man it's how you learn that is sweet dude i used to try and fucking convince myself that i had a upper hand on people when i would i would like try to get up and run early and i convinced myself i had something called like a fun to run ratio

that was better than anybody else i was like right, people might be having more fun than me and people might be like running harder than me. But there's nobody that has like a better fun to run ratio. I'm fucking running hard as fuck and I'm having a ton of fun. It was like my way of getting some kind of moral, moral high ground. I convinced myself I'm going to be a millionaire by fucking 30. Oh, yeah. That's the thing. I don't know why working out is so much so associated with being rich.'s like dude you can run in the morning like you're not making any money it's

like it's some of the most why do people i know are broke as fuck people think if they just wake up at 5 a.m and run three miles like money is just gonna start flowing into their bank yeah but we got hit with montages like no other people in history for thousands of years had to see a montage and we're like okay we gotta do five things and then we win. Yeah. Yeah. Montages were like, you just chase this chicken and you'll be good at fighting. Literally.

Yeah. You just chop down some wood. Exercise. They last four minutes. So you're like, I'll run like a mile and a half. Fuck this. I'll be fucking rich as shit. Yeah.

The worst part is too, is you do the run and then you get home and you're like, I'm fucking exhausted. Yeah. It's 6 a.m still yeah keeping up with it have you been doing a good job keeping up with it uh i ran four times last week that's good but now i got this fucking pitoriasis what's that a rash i am covered in it and it says you're not supposed to run because it it irritates it and makes it worse was like a contact dermatitis was it like a pariasis you're saying?

No, it's called pitoriasis. What is it? Pitoriasis rosea. It's like a reaction to a viral infection. So they think it's because I had COVID. Really? Yeah. Your body just fought that shit off. No big deal. No, I think it's like

a reaction to recovering from COVID. Really? You think it could like a reaction to like recovering from COVID. Really? You think it could be anything to do with like wearing the same clothes over and over again? No, dude. I'm fully clean. I brought a massive bag of laundry the other day. Did you? Yeah.

Brand new sheets. Threw away my old sheets. They were so gross. Nice. But I am, dude. I am covered. Like my arm looks. I kind of want to see it.

It looks like, no, I don't want the viewers to see. They'll never look at me the same. I just, I feel like you just don't want to pull the move where you have to pull up your shirt and put your arm down for fear of your belly hanging out the side. Yeah, that too. But it's this arm. Mostly the viral rash. Like, yeah, I don't want to feel like I'm in a rift either.

I also don't want my tummy out on camera. It's all here and it's all over my back. Yes. Oh, at least there is it going away oh no it's still growing yeah when a rash intensifies dude this is i've talked about this before i got this rash on my bird and it was i've had that i thought it was fucking ringworm so does every other doctor and i just kept putting lotrimine on it and i just fucking like my dick looked like literally had been like in a fire yeah it was just like red and dry it was fucked up yeah dude and i just kept having to show like my tiny yeah inflamed

penis to like multiple doctors at the same you have to do at the same time i would just go to like this urgent care go to this doctor finally i went to a dermatologist like no it's psoriasis yeah i didn't even say what it was like use this cream and i used that cream this was years ago all went away i got it again started Started hitting with the Lotrimine. I'm like, wait a second. Called him up like, what was that cream you gave me? I looked it up. Like, oh, that's fucking psoriasis.

Damn. Yeah. Psoriasis of the bird. Were they calling different like doctors in, like resident nurses in to like gather around your penis? Dude, they did that for me. Oh, yeah. The one place, the one place I had to go, it was like, it was like two dudes and a lady

came in to fucking look at my bird. And I was like. Yeah. It's so weird. It sucks. I had to go back to the dermatologist. Was yours your dick though my bird and I was like, yeah. It's so weird. Was yours your dick though? No, this was a while ago. I had a... His was a dick. No, I had it on my dick too.

Yeah. We had the same body. Yeah. Absolute same. Yeah. You probably had this. Dude, you probably had some of this dumb shit.

Well, no, I had a yeast infection on my dick. I know how you got that, bro. Yeah. I know. In sixth grade, you were stuffing? Pussy, bro. In sixth grade, you were stuffing?

Yeah, I know you were stuffing. That's when you hit the pussy too hard. Or maybe you're masturbating without urinating afterwards? Probably. That's how some dudes get it. Yeah, and I also had poison ivy. What? Bad. Did you murder somebody? What the fuck? You got poison

ivy and yeast on your penis at once? No, this was separate. The poison ivy was way worse yeah on your dick all over do you stand in the hot shower no dude i would like jerk off with the lotion they gave me calamine you call it a beat the calamine yeah it dries it turns into like a red dude i beat it frosts i i finished before it froze quick trigger sass dude he just fired that thing off that shit was brutal jerking with calamine is nothing but respect i never even thought to jerk with calamine well because i hadn't jerked off for i was in like this was in eighth grade and it's like this is like peak horniness and i hadn't jerked off in like two weeks and i was like it got to the point

where i was like i have to yeah and i just lathered it up you were probably so horny at that point that it didn't take that long no it was probably like three seconds the slightest breeze yeah just your math teacher bends over to correct something calamine drying on you

just going to town on it I've never even been that rashed up that I I don't have calamine in my life dude I don't even have a dude

encyclopedia of calamine experiences to draw from I got grounded one time in high school I think it wasn't even mine I took the rap for alcohol that wasn't mine because someone gave me money but the uh it's pretty sick i got 300 bucks but i got in trouble i got suspended from school but i had my parents as a punishment made me go remove thorns from like this fence in this yard and had to take it and like cut them and pull them off of the lawnmower so i was like

wrapping my arms around them i got completely cut but there's poison ivy too so the poison ivy like fully entered my bloodstream and i broke out full pi everywhere dude in your blood that's like when people burn it yeah and they like die your parents punished the fuck out of you it was crazy that's like a crown of thorns that's like a a biblical fucking punishment. I had to remove the thorns from a fence. I cut all those thorns away. And I was like, fuck, dude. What? That's nuts.

I don't know if you've ever seen the weed whacker attachment. It's just a metal blade. Yeah, of course. Yeah, you cut those deep. I had to cut those thick roots of thorn bushes. And I had to tie a rope around them and pull them with a lawnmower tractor. That's terrible punishment work. Yard work.

Just like picking up sticks. That used to be my punishment. I'd just have to go pick up sticks and shit like that. That shit is fucking bad. That's the worst, dude. That's just terrible. You're like, because then you're like, what sticks? Like, you start losing, like, what am I supposed to be picking up?

Which ones am I leaving? Start losing your mind. Yeah. We used to get paid a penny for every piece of crabgrass we removed. We'd walk around all day with, like, a trash bag and just slowly fill it. You start losing your mind. You're like, wait, is that a piece? You cover it's just it's pretty nuts it's a nuts thing to do who was paying you my aunt marcia really yeah we go grab the crabgrass do you remember how much you made

like five bucks yeah we'd like boss up on five bucks that's still a ton of crab that's so much 500 blades i don't think they counted i think we would just like stack them up they were probably ripping you off oh dude, dude, it was an entire day of labor. If you had trash bags full of crabgrass, that's at least a 20. I think we would fill

like a bag or as much as we could. Yeah. Might have been some thistle in there. I've always been a bit of a huckster. Some onion grass.

Some dandelions might have made it in the bottom. This ain't crabgrass. Crabgrass is an infestation, though. Crabgrass will ruin your shit. It's a problem.

You need to put that. It's like a kudzu in Sim City. Sim City. Yeah. Damn, I haven't been in a Sim City for a while. I've never had, obviously I live in the city, so we don't have a yard, but I just remember my grandfather being just fired up about crabgrass all the time. Because it's an infestation.

He was so mad. Yeah. It spreads fast. Crabgrass is coming in. Yeah's so mad. It spreads fast. It comes up by the blades? I thought it came up in clumps like a moss or some shit like that. The way I remember it is it's like a little four-leafed

thing that kind of comes up. Really? They would count for the bottom of the crabgrass? Or the roots of it? You try to pull a whole thing out. A whole clump of crabgrass? Damn. Was this in Havertown?

No, this is when we moved out to Garnet Valley, Pennsylvania. Oh, you're out in Garnet Valley? This is McCusker Compound. How many... Do you have a bunch of brothers? Yeah. How many brothers do you have?

Three brothers. Damn. We're both brotherless. Really? Yeah, we're both... Just sisters at all? Yeah, just sisters. Older or younger?

Older sister, yeah. Yeah. I was always so envious of dudes. brotherless really yeah we're both just sisters at all yeah just older younger older sister yeah yeah i was always so envious of dudes i only have younger sisters dudes had older sisters i was so envious why because they would bring their friends over it was like the most mythical crazy it was just always nuts it's like yeah it's bad you start showing off trying to be cool i don't know i all i know is my oh yeah you don't have my older cousins, but I was so much younger than them. They'd bring their friends over and I would just be like eight, just being like, what the,

they were angels, dude. I remember. Oh my God. It was so beautiful. Oh, and you have an older sister, right?

Yeah, I have two. Did you ever do any like embarrassing shit that you look back on? You're like, that was so cringy. Yeah. I would like come downstairs and run bits. Yeah.

Yeah. Like come downstairs, start like dribbling a basketball around. Yeah. I did both feet in one Ugg boot. Hell yeah. And then you stand up and you fall right over. Yeah.

I didn't laugh. No one hornier. When I was in, I was probably really young. I was probably in like fourth grade or something. And my older sister's a year older than me. Had a. She's one year older than you? Yeah.

She had these had these girls she had this one girl who was like the hot girl in that grade and i remember i this is gonna sound insane i like had like a pocket knife and i like pulled the pocket that's exactly that's the right move i got my parents screamed you poured a pocket knife on her? Yeah. I walked up with it. It fucking pulled. Wait, you were threatening her? I think I was just showing it off.

I think it came off like I was trying to kill her or something. That worked, though. She was probably like, that's the hottest thing I've ever heard. Your brother's kind of hot. Your younger brother's hot as fuck. Oh, that was brutal. You hit her with a two-inch Swiss Army knife. Like, give me some pussy, bitch.

Big day five fours. I got in a bunch of trouble. That's such a sick instinct, though, to be like, I'm going to pull a knife out of this. Super hot. I don't know what else to do. I'm just going to threaten her life. I remember it so vividly, like in the garage. Because you want it to come off dangerous.

Yeah. That's a young warrior archetype. Yeah. You want to be cool. You go outside. You start practicing. I'm not scared of this. But then your it to come off dangerous. Yeah. That's a young warrior archetype. Yeah. You want to be cool. You go outside. You start practicing. I'm not scared of this. But then your mom yells at you and you cry.

Yeah, but if she didn't finish, you were going to be like, this is to protect you. I love you so much. Yeah. Yeah. If anyone tried to harm you, I'd fucking. Yeah. You were just like just a couple instincts away from saying I love you to her. Like that was the same kind of like.

I don't even remember what sparked the idea. It's coming from the same place in your body. It's coming from the same place in your body. It's coming from a deep love. Like an old ass, like rusty pocket knife that like my uncle gave me or something. That's why he gave it to you. Yeah. So I got my first pussy. What was her reaction to the blade?

I think she started crying. Because I got in a lot of trouble. I remember my parents, like they made me like ghosted in my room. Really? Yeah. Because I was like outside hanging out with them. why was she crying and then i pulled the fucking blade off me yeah my parents let me out there in confidence they didn't know i was packing they know i was horny as fuck how did you even get the blade i told you my uncle gave it to me

oh damn because i remember my first blade and i don't really remember where i got it from but my sister like she like cut her hand and we both got in a ton of trouble. Kids with blades is fucking dangerous. We also got fencing swords, and she fucking got, I smacked the fuck out of her with the fencing sword. She started crying. We got in trouble. It was fun.

Yeah, I used to get, I bit my sister once, and I got in a bunch of trouble, because we were going, I remember that was the day we were going to go get Pokemon cards. My mom was taking me to Target to get Pokemon cards. And me and my sister got in a huge fight and I bit her. I was probably like six. Yeah, that's fair. But I bit the fuck out of her and no more Pokemon cards. You didn't get it?

It was totally over? Trips canceled. You were no longer a trainer? No. I retired. They made me throw them all away. You had to get rid of your existing Pokemon cards? Dude, I used to get in a bunch of trouble when I was little.

For biting? Biting. Yeah. Yeah. That's fucked. I feel like when you're tussling with brothers, you kind of have to, you have to like kind of square up

in more of like a manly way. Like you can't fight like a pussy with like fucking fencing swords with a tip on them or biting your siblings and shit. Nah, I just got my ass kicked. I told my brothers, I just got my ass kicked non-stop yeah you gotta fully square up on my younger brother yeah now he's like huge yeah you forced him in fire it was psychological torture non-stop you boy named sued him kind of like you just put him through like a the a torture chamber

a gauntlet early on in life and you you strengthen him up yeah it was like if the cia were to send like operatives convince you you were gay that's what my two older brothers up yeah it was like if the cia were to send like operatives convince you you were gay that's what my two older brothers were like it was just next level mind control they would just like pick me up and dunk me in the toilet i'd be watching tv and they'd pick me up and just like in the toilet later dude i'd be like fuck dude it must have been awesome for the second brother when like you came along though and he's like let's divert the fucking attention from me they hated each other yeah they did they were like they my brother told me this. They were both like, fuck you, dude. Fuck you.

And they didn't like each other. Then I was born. They're like, yo, let's fuck with this dude. Our powers come. That was literally my early. I remember when I lived in Havertown, I was, we left when I was like six years old and they used to like yell out their window. Cause if they did something where they like yelled through their window, they could scare

me through my window. And they were just like my early, I was six years old. And they'd be like, Damn, your dad was just firing off boys. He didn't care. He must've had some fucking dense ass sperm, dude. Just creating men. Crazy. A man just creating four men, dude.

Dude, my cousin's one of 10 kids. Really? Damn. That's like old school. We grew up next door to each other. That's fucking crazy. It's pretty tight. That's awesome.

Was that fun though? I imagine it was a blast. So much fun. I have a buddy from home and he's like, he lives next to all of his cousins and it sounds like a blast. Dude, going to school. I went to school like with my, I had a cousin that was in my grade pretty much my whole life in school.

Yeah. Yeah. So fun. That's sweet. So much fucking fun. Do they have a fucked up family dynamic now or are they tight as fuck tight they're really tight tight yeah yeah they're all cool i feel like sometimes it can go the other way where it's like uh people will be banished to the ends of the earth and

they'll all live as far as possible because it like turns into clans it's like if you have 10 brothers and sisters like you'll have an alliance with three of them you'll hate two of them and like you won't talk to like four of them like i feel like or in my experiences that's how it's been i don't know how it is with yeah no i've seen that that's i i was looking for granted everyone pretty pretty much for the most part and my dad's one of ten too so they're all of my aunts and uncles on his side besides one live within like a 30 minute radius of one another that's awesome it's pretty sick yeah how are they just scooping these like absolutely fertile women that are fucking just cranking out 10 spots.

Any babies coming out of you? I don't know, dude. It's crazy. I have two kids. I don't know how my parents had six. I think once you have like one or two, you're like, well, I'm not going to like, I'm not going to my free time back anytime soon. I might as well have Like a ton of fucking kids

I feel like it's like An Irish tradition though That they They would kind of like Sow into reality When like They were losing half the kids To like famines

And shit like that You just had to protect against it Seven and a half years Of pregnancy Yeah Yeah dude At all times It's crazy dude

The average woman Way back when Used to spend More time pregnant than not because they would start getting pregnant at like 16. Yeah. And then they die. And it was like a 50-50 shot.

They would die in childbirth. Yeah, yeah. And the dude would just re-up on a baby because you could not not have a wife because you had all these kids. Yeah, you get pregnant until death. The average dude had like two wives or so at least. I feel like it's also kind of a thing where like if you have a certain amount of kids, they start like taking care of each other.

Yeah. Parents can fall back a little. Yeah, the oldest kid. The oldest kid kid oldest kid yeah oldest kid just has to be a mom yeah just takes takes charge yeah yeah my my uh my mom's dad he was born in ireland and he had i think he was a a twin or a trip i don't know if he's a twin or triplet but i think like his twin definitely died and like he had multiple siblings die. It's crazy. It was like pretty normal back then. I was just over there like on a, on like a boat that they took people to America in this boat called the Jeannie Johnson.

And they would have like 200 people all in the same boat. But like they had the log of people like who were on the boat and their profession. And it's like, if you were an 18 year old girl coming to america and you didn't have a job or a husband you were just like a spinster which now is like a term for an old lady like an old spinster it's like a 65 year old like infertile woman but like at the time if you were 18 and you didn't have kids yet you were like a fucking old dried up bitch why tough times i guess i don't know or maybe it was just like you're a spinster until you get husbanded until some guy comes along and puts one in you or 10

they probably wanted to just for the record be like yo this lady's coming she doesn't have a husband just heads up that was a problem dude there's an 18 year old lady just kicking around by herself there was like the authorities were like what the fuck is this what the fuck is this lady doing this whore this is bullshit did you ever hear that there was that law like if so many

women live together under a certain age, they're considered a brothel? I always heard that about colleges and why they couldn't have sororities. Because it's like a brothel. But I think that that rumor persists state to state. I don't know if that's actually true. I think it might just be an old wives tale. I've heard some people say that when frats get kicked off of campuses, they're now considered a gang by the police. Yeah.

Really? Because it's just like tribe of dudes who are all like, we bleed for this fucking Greek symbol. And they don't have any affiliation with the school. What? It's a tough look. Yeah. You weren't in a frat. Nah.

Yeah, me neither. I couldn't do it, man. I would go to this one and chill and they were like you gotta rush and i'm like i like dudes would walk up and like what are you doing pussy you go clean thing and i'm like i can't i can't be subjected to that dude i just it looks like hell it looked like a terrible experience now i have no interest i never was even just like a semester of partying and like it's just dudes and like they'd have to like wear khakis and like a white button down while their brothers were like getting like obliterated and date raping and you would like be

downstairs cleaning up throw up and like fucking making sure that like no not too many people were getting in at the door of the party yeah it's like you know a brother i never thought about that how i dodged being an accomplice in sexual crime that was pretty much what was going on oh yeah so you want to commit crimes to those? Yeah, you want to do sex crimes? Yeah. You want to do sexual crimes against women? Sign up here. We have to torture you for three months before.

And then? Before you can commit a sex crime, but after. We need a crop of 30 new dudes to commit sex crimes. We're drying up, dude. We're almost out of dudes. Statistics are down way too much this semester. Yeah. We need some guys. That's what it was.

You walk. There was like, those places look so sick where I went to school, like those parties. Yes. And now you'd walk down. Where'd you go. That's what it was. You walk. There was like, they, those places look so sick where I went to school, like those parties. Yes. And now you'd walk. Where'd you go? Drexel.

Oh. So I went to Drexel and they had like the one right on the corner. I'd always go and be like, guys, I'm going to pledge. I fucking swear to them.

Yeah. They let me in and then finally I'm like, nah, I'm not going to pledge. That's smart. Yeah. Damn.

Drexel's campus is right in West Philly, right? Yeah. It's right near Penn. Is it, how was the campus? How was living on, like, did you live by the campus over there? i live yeah i lived there for like 10 years i

didn't leave after i graduated actually really yeah i was like the weird dude like watching new freshmen coming like whoa fuck dude why are they all dressed up you just see when you see freshmen if you live in a college town like you're just living your life and all of a sudden there's women young women just dressed like like they're on like going to like an award show and you're just living your life and all of a sudden there's women young women just dressed like like they're on like going to like an award show and you're like what the oh fuck yeah yeah yeah it is crazy how fast uh like you feel like an old person you're like a senior being like these fucking young ass bitches in here like what's this fashion that they're even wearing like tube tops or some shit like that it's like dude you're like two years older than that well i was walking around here this is the slut headquarters across the street of fashion institute yeah weird as fucking clothes

dude yeah oh it is crazy no i mean i'm kidding i don't think there's lots but i mean no no they are the no bra thing what they definitely are humongous disgusting sluts the no bra thing i take personal i take personal offense to that why because they're trying to get you horny it no it's just like you're pinging my biology yeah they're trying to get you horny obviously i keep it peaceful as hell i'm not making i'm not making an excuse for sexual aggression on women but like if i see no bra i get it like a destabilized it's like a flashbang for like two seconds you're like here's a ring in your ear and see oh what the fuck the fuck? What the fuck is going on? You're socially irresponsible.

I don't want to be a jerk, but like, dude, you're dealing with dudes like who have like, like dudes, they don't tell you, but like there's dudes who have been married

for 35 years. There's dudes who like have not got, they're just, I'm like, I'm never getting pussy again outside of doing some like horrible.

They hung it up. To my entire family. And then you're just walking around. There's like a 22 year old chick. Just, you just see her tits in a shirt and you're just that guy's going not me obviously that guy that guy that he hits him and he's going you're getting like angry he's like fuck it's

bad for his brain i was young once why did we have these girls trying to launch back in time yes it is a physical stress if you were to hook not me or whoever else that got other guy i'm talking about up to like a physical stress test it would you your heart rate's 200 it's going up yeah just fucking i mean dude they can do whatever they want you start pulling your knife out yeah i'm reaching for the fucking blade i'm not gonna hurt them i just want to show them I have a knife. I just want them to look at me. It is crazy. But this area

has gone through fashion institutes right there on 27th and 7th. I was watching Gangs of New York the other day and have you seen

Gangs of New York? I remember the scene at the very end where they're like they're having the riots for the draft or whatever and they hang the black

bro. Kind of remember that. There's the dude. He was in the Waterboy. He's the kicker from the water. One of the dudes from the Waterboy. They hang him. Dude, that was on 27th and 7th. They hung that dude. What? Right now where all the titties are out, dude. It's an improvement.

It's disrespectful of these ladies to have their titties out. That's what I'm going to tell them when I rush them with my blade. I'm like, you guys never seen fucking Kexy before? The man was hung here. Atrocities. Race crimes were committed here. Yeah, that is, that is destabilizing, dude. Yeah, it's fucked up.

Whenever I come to New York, I feel like a kid that got lost on a field trip. I always walk around here and I'm just like, uh. I don't really get, like, I don't, I don't notice like hot girls in New York at at all i think it's just because i'm numb to it yeah you got the blinders on yeah just like being in the city you don't pay attention to anybody but every time like when like the mics i mean obviously they're a different breed of people but they were here and they were like foam his buddies that like help shoot our stuff most of my buddies from philly are named mike i don't know if you have this do you know a lot of dudes named mike you gotta know a lot of mics yeah literally most of my friends so funny there's so many and they were here i remember I don't know if you have this. Do you know a lot of dudes named Mike? You got to know a lot of Mike's.

Yeah. Literally most of my friends. It's so funny. There's so many. And they were here. I remember we were driving around and they were like, they had like their fucking tongues hanging out of the windows. Like they couldn't believe it. Yeah.

Just like stomping the ground. Yeah. I will say going to some college campuses, it's like that where you're like, I get mad. Yeah. I'm like, dude, what is, what is this school? Like why? They're clearly, that's like going back to like the call like the job thing yeah dude they're they're definitely denying ugly people at like miami and tampa like for sure now if you're ugly you're not

but people go to their people get mad going there it's like that it turns into there will be blood where they're like why don't i own this oh why is this girl not mine this girl not mine? I wouldn't be able to go to one of those schools. It would be like that fucking, who's the kid? Who's the incel? The kid that shot up the... Every one of them? Elliot Rodgers. Yeah, that's what it would be like.

Who's he? You don't know Elliot Rodgers? That was the guy who was making the videos being like, these girls will look at me. His voice is, he's like. He looks like Giga Chad. You know that guy? Yeah. But like skinnier.

Did he shoot someone? A couple people. Whole school. He shot up a school. Which school? Virginia? He shot up a sorority. It wasn't Virginia Tech.

He shot up something. Wait, where was it? I forget. It was a sorority. I don't know where. Damn. He shot up babes for just being babes?

Yeah. Because they wouldn't fuck. He was, there was lots of like, it was like he started a movement for the instance like 4chan loves him yeah damn it's pretty dark yeah i don't know if i would go down there you guys are both intimately familiar i just know him because he's like people post the video all the time it's a weird ass video it's fucked up it's a guy in his car being like you know you like go to a bar when you're like 19 you don't get pussy he's this guy like he kept you know you're like if you're 19 you go to bar don't get pussy you go home you're like he just kept that energy going for you

usually you're like all right you wake up the next day you're like it's a new day whatever he never stops eating dude he's like these fucking girls like golden hour in the video and the sun's like right on his he's like and he has this like perfect jawline and he's like these fucking girls like golden hour in the video and the sun's like right on he's like and he has this like perfect jawline and he's like i was it's like the fucking like joker mixed with like i don't even know dude i think i do remember that he was in like uh like across in a cold or something like that yeah i don't fucking know stop it's a tough video to watch but i've been at this school for four years like that's what it's like the entire pace of the video it's tough stuff not once have i gotten pussy yeah dude and it's

mostly about like i'm surprised he even shot up a sorority it should have been a fraternity like realistically based off of just his mindset because he's mad that all the hot dudes are getting to fuck yeah but i feel like girls are into that type of dude now i feel like if he had just leaned into his personality. He would have been crushing pussy in today's day and age. He could have waited five years and pretended to be a liberal. I totally hate racism.

If he just had hated racism off the rip, he would have been fine. He could have crushed these days. Misplaced his love. I just fucking hate Trump so much. I'll totally fuck you that's tough stuff dude but you know that does live in the hearts of men whether people want to agree to it or not but he just hated the wrong establishment like if he hated the government

establishment he would have been cool instead of like hating like the fucking patriarchy or the matriarchy whatever he was pissed off you can't attack the babes that's the number one rule it's like dude we get it well because the dudes are gonna fucking rally against you even if you attack i mean i think everyone's fucking rally against you. Even if you attack... I mean... I think everyone's going to rally against you. Can't attack the babes. Yeah, one guy ran his car into, like, grandmoms.

Remember that? The guy who ran, like, grandmoms and Christians. People still protected the babes. Like, yo, dude, they're not them fucking most supple babes. You can't run over them. You can't run over the babes. It just doesn't apply. Not the hottest, but you can't run them down with a car.

They might have been hot. They were hot at one point. They might have been hot. They were hot at one point. They might have hot granddaughters that are now distressed. Yeah. I want to check out what you got. You said you brought this, and I waited until you came in to open it up. Yeah, dude. Yo, bro.

Yo, dude. You want this one? I have a bunch of them. Sure, yeah. This is fucking fire. Sick hat. I could sell this, dude worn by matt mccustard himself what the fuck dude these are fucking crack dude these are nice are you guys in the

merch games we're in the merch game i didn't know that yeah hell yeah but you know it's not even about that as a gift damn the fact that you brought it in a box i thought i love how it's sometimes merch gets returned oh really like it's just like it in a box I thought it was going to be like a sometimes merch gets returned oh really so like it's just like it has the wrong address and it gets sent back

we have a dude who does our merch and I'm like yo we have these he's like I sent another one out already so I have just like stuff sitting in my house we basically jersey swapped so cause we got you

we did dude I got a little merch you know what I mean you want my hat you want this lid I'll take that yeah yeah yeah I'll lid swap

yeah do a lid we're going to fully lid swap do a little lid swap both of us showing the flow for a second we have the same size head we have the same body you really do check your arm for the rash dude you guys have the exact same bod yeah you guys have been fucking uh you've been killing it how was australia sick australia was fun it was was fun. Were you knocking back brews down there? Or what type of time were you on? I tried.

I'm not a big drinker, but I tried. I did try to like drink so we could have fun. Fosters? I don't want to be a wet blanket. Or is that like their Bud Light? They hate that. They hate Outback. If you bring up Fosters and Outback, they're like, oh, we don't.

It's like, dude, Outback fucking ruled. You guys should have embraced Outback. Like, yeah, that's us. Yeah. Blooming Onions is like a cultural phenomenon. Oh, man but uh what type of uh did they have any sweet slang i feel like when i came back from there one time they had incredible slang that they were leaving me with easy whenever you're like hey thanks man easy that's awesome like cool easy easy that's so like that was easy to do easy easy like i needed a fork sent to my room and they were just like, I was like, hey, I think I

would go down to the desk and be like, can I get a fork? And like, we'll send it up. And then I would just like forget. I was like, walk around. I'm like, I'm gonna go look at the gym. And then like, I'd come back down to the desk. I'm like, yeah, where the fuck's my fork? I just sent it up.

I'm like, oh shit. I'd see the guy. And I'm like, oh, here, I'll just take this off. He's like, easy. That's awesome. Do you think it's more like that was easy to do or take it easy? It's just like no problem

I got it easy easy I don't know it just sounded cool whenever they said it damn that's sick when I was over there

there were like there were like these women who were talking about like they were calling everyone feral which it took like like probably like

six or seven years for us to get that for us to like start talking shit on people and calling them like feral dogs but they would call a shit a bog they'd be like i took i just took the most disgusting bog it's like the women just let it fly dude the women just let it get let it go out there that's

the best for that's the best description of a dump ever a bog just getting bogged down dude they had them in ireland they were like they're like, dudes would get stuck in bogs. Like it was like quicksand. Like there'd be a fucking just a thick ass bog and dudes would get like almost like sucked in like amber and like bodies would be preserved

in bogs for like 800 years, dude. What? What, like cranberry bogs? I think, well, I think that's a different type of bog, but I think that any type of like marshy swampland I think would just be a bog.

Dude, bogs are the best places to skate on in the winter. Are they? Because they're shallow. Interesting. And they freeze all the way through. That's not bad. Yeah. I'd never even thought about a bog.

That's pretty sick. That's fire. An Irish guy falling into a bog and dying is the funniest, the hilarious, funniest shit ever. Just screaming. Ah, help me. Yeah. My leg. I'm stuck. I help me. Yeah. My leg.

I'm stuck. I'm stuck. He's fucking stuck. I can't even imagine what that would sound like. Definitely terrible. All high-pitched. You're like, ah, fucking help me. I'm stuck.

Fucking fuck. I didn't know that Ireland was all stones, that they just had to clear the stones themselves. It was like getting banished to the moon and every stone. That's why there's walls everywhere. They just had to pick up stones and fucking stack them on each other. That was like everybody's job

was just moving stones. Mighty ass Irish men. Sounds about right. Terrible, terrible terrain. Yeah, some whack shit. Irish strength. They were sending people down to Australia too. A bunch of Irish people down in Australia.

How long is the flight out there? It's forever, dude. It's literally time travel. Is it like, it's like 17 hours, right? Yeah. So we flew from Newark to Vancouver first. So that was six hours. And then you have to do 16 hours after that flight.

Damn. Jesus Christ. It was fucking ridiculous. You got a long, like you get to sleep at the layover or no? Or are you just straight on to the next flight? It was like hour, bam. Or like, you know, hour and a half, whatever it was. How was the jet lag?

It was incredible. It was unbelievable. Yeah. Going there, it was kind of bad, but also we're in a hotel. You can kind of sleep. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it was bad, but not that bad. Coming back was like, Jesus.

Although, when I was there, I had a heart palpitation every minute for the first six days. I think it was my body was just like, where the fuck are we? Yeah. Yeah. What the fuck's going on here? Damn. And I just was like, whatever.

Once I was like, after two days, I'm like, all right, it's definitely not killing me. I'll just put my shit reset. Yeah. And like the eighth day, I finally stopped. How long were you guys out there? Two weeks. God damn. Really?

You know, when we came back, dude, I was, we did a show and then we got done at like midnight and then had to fly out we had to wake up at 4 a.m to then go to start like the flying process at like a 5 30 flight i was just up for like a day and a half straight flying and then we left i think we left australia at five in the morning and then we got to canada at five in the morning that same day that we left the calendar didn't like move basically god damn and i flew all the way back and then drove from newark to philly and then it was 6 p.m i had to just like jump into my fatherly duties and i was completely it was crazy i was

tired for like i would sleep for eight hours and wake up like i didn't sleep yeah yeah for like six days that's terrible because you're fully like a whole different side of the globe. Well, I mean, two weeks too. You fully adjusted. I did. Yeah. What was the food like over there? It was cool. It was good.

It wasn't like the best. It wasn't the worst. It was just like regular. Nothing disgusting or anything like that? I mean, Vegemite's not even that disgusting. I would see it on the menu and it's completely... I didn't even Google it. I was like, I don't even know what that is.

That shit looks disgusting. I just skipped Vegem't even know what that is. That sounds disgusting. And I just skipped Vegemite. I had a kangaroo sausage. Tastes just like a hot dog. I was like, all right, this sucks. That's kind of sweet though. It was cool. I'm not a big dog guy.

I'm more of a burger guy. I'm more of a burger man. So I was kind of like, fuck, I got tricked into eating like a, it was like a huge dog, dude. Yeah. I had to sit there and munch it. I fucking hate this. Yeah.

Muscle down a kangaroo. Just a kangaroo dog, dude. I had to just eat a kangaroo dog kangaroos are fucked they're nasty dude they're crazy i didn't know how mean they were yeah james explained on the way over now they'll like kick you and rip your guts out of you have you seen these videos of them where they're just have their heads poked up out of like the water and everyone's like apparently they're they're it's literally a tactic that they use so people or like other animals will think that they're stuck in the water.

Dude, they're just standing straight up in the water. And it's so deep that just their head's poking out. So then a person or an animal or something will come into the water and they'll just drown them. Yeah, but they're not even carnivores. They're just fucking dickheads. Dude, they're just mean. They're just trying to brawl, dude. I think they're just trying to box.'s no reason they're like that's crazy

because they i think they eat like fruit and stuff i don't know dude but i i saw a video and they're just stanced up all the time yeah and this one was just it was just stanced up and all you could see was like its upper chest and its head and it was like yeah apparently that thing is just standing straight up yeah but it's so it's so fucked up to like lay in a puddle or like a pond all day. Just waiting to fuck someone up. Just wanting to fuck some dude up. Yeah. Fucking a dude up and then just eating berries.

Like, all right, let me go eat some berries now. I use all that energy beating the shit out of that guy for no reason. And having a nasty ass pouch too. Like just a disgusting gooey pouch. Yeah. Gotta clean that. Yeah, I used to think that shit was sweet and like fuzzy.

Well, cause yeah, cause like they make it out in like the fucking kids shows. I saw a Joey in the pouch when I was there. It was pretty tight. Oh really?

Yeah. In the wilderness? No, we went to like a reserve. Yeah. Or a preserve or whatever. We get to see the kangaroos. Was it just the two,

was it just you and Shane over there? Yeah. Just like bowling around for the entire time? Did you have a guide or anything? Yeah. He had a tour manager. Oh, that's kind of sweet he was a man too yeah yeah he was cool how many shows you guys do out there you do one like every night nine it was like nine

in the 14 days so there was like two days off in sydney and the rest of it was like pretty much show show shows you go to bondi beach we did we went it was there it's their winter though oh really so we just went it was like 60 degrees so we went there and we did go to Bondi Beach. It's beautiful, right? Beautiful. We chilled. Beautiful beach. Took hot Instagram photos.

Dude, I fucking loved it out there. That's the only time I ever stayed in a hostel was on Bondi Beach. Really? It was kind of fucking dope though. Yeah. It wasn't even a full hostel. It was like I had my own room. I just had to like share a bathroom or whatever.

Dude, I stayed in a hostel in Brazil in a 12-person room. Was it frightening? No, I thought I was chilling, dude. Yeah. I mean, I shared a room with three of my brothers growing up. So I was like, whatever, dude. This whole person room. Par for the course.

This is the deal. Yeah. And then they got bedbugs. I didn't know what bedbugs were. In Brazil? Yeah. They're like, I was like, why? After a while, it was like, it was me and one other dude in the room.

Like, yo, where'd everybody go? And like, oh, they got bedbugs. I'm getting out of here. And I was like, from the fucking nursery rhyme, dude, bedbugs bite. Okay. I just went home to my roommates. Like didn't even know bedbugs were a thing. Did you bring, bring any back?

I didn't bring them back. They didn't make the trip. Really? They were biting me. I was like, oh, I had like little bite marks on my leg. Dude, I thought when I, I thought this was bedbugs at first. Oh. And we got mice right now.

And I was like, dude, if we got the combo of bed bugs and mice it's got to burn the place down at that point yeah but it wasn't it would have to but you still i mean they were telling him he has to get a cat like you guys should just get a cat for the uh i don't really know if i want i don't want a cat that's just like eating dozens of mice every day oh yes that sounds better than having mice yeah dude mice will shit all over stuff and the cat will like bring them to you in supplication. Yeah, that's what they do.

I've killed this for you. They just bring it over and drop it in front of you. It's like a sign of love. And you can like let it out or like just let it out when it's, you know what I mean?

Just let it fucking run free. That's a good deal for a cat. Like, dude, serve me. It's like an indentured servant. It's like, give me like four years. Can you, I don't know.

It's the genie from Aladdin. It's like Dobby the house elf. You can just pick one up today somewhere. Oh dude, immediately. Yeah. You just go to like fucking. And then is there anywhere

you could just drop it off for a few weeks? Yellowstone National Park. Yellowstone National Park. We should just borrow someone's cat. Cat leasing would be sick. Someone's got to have for us to borrow. Cat leasing would be sick.

Yeah, it was. If you have an infestation, like Terminator should do that. Or Exterminator. Jesus Christ. Terminator should. I was not along like, yeah, I think so.

Yeah, exterminator should. Yeah, just drop off. Yeah, but that would. I don't want to have to like take care of a cat. You barely have to even take care of a cat. Yeah, cats, it'll resent you anyway. Like even if you take care of it, it's not going to fucking like you. What if the mice eat the cat?

That's how many we have. Having a cat's a purely professional relationship. There's no love. No. At all. Nothing would destroy. You get a good fierce one and if don't be scared if he doesn't go for the mice give it right back to get this fucking loser out of here open the fucking the capacity for love cats yeah i don't think so they're and they're furious but they what are they

doing whenever they come around and they'll like press you like this you know what i mean yeah yeah like paw at you yeah they'll they'll pal around with you a little bit is it palin are they trying to give you a massage or are they like testing you for like a fucking soft spot so they could bite into i don't think anybody knows a cobra size they'll cuddle up with yeah we got a cat that's real friendly yeah they'll cuddle up who's we my family oh why don't you just bring that cat down too friendly you need a killer yeah you guys have that dog in them i really think they do get do. Get a cat that was on the streets for a while. Be like, made sure it was out in the streets

and just fucking feed it and just don't look at it and let it just kill everything in there. And then you take it to Yellowstone National Park and just launch it. Have fun. That's cat heaven, dude. Why do you keep saying Yellowstone?

It's hard to be sick for a cat. For a street cat to get out of Yellowstone. A cat would get killed within an hour. Yeah, but that's glorious they're warriors a bird would just like a eagle drop right in that would be a glorious death for a cat getting killed by a bird would be

so brutal it would suck so bad that's the equivalent of getting eaten by a rat like as a human I kind of welcome a death by animal though with the amount of animals I've eaten I feel like it's like kind of only right or after I die to put my body, like to serve me to the bears or something like that.

Just leave my body out there. But bears don't want to eat you. If anything, you'd be throwing to the alligators. Yeah, the gators. A lot of animals are weird about eating dead things. They would. Yeah, some are weird about eating dead things. Really?

You have to be pretty fresh. I thought grizzly man, I thought they like picked his bones dry or maybe because they killed him. Maybe don't know maybe straight you'd have to be trail you'd have to have your will to be flied out to yellowstone park immediately dude imagine dedicating your entire life to these bears and then one day they just if you dedicate your entire life you should know that's what i mean that's why i don't think he could have even been pissed off that the bears ate him because he milked the bears for so much.

Like if Jane Goodall gets her face ripped off by a fucking gorilla, it's like, okay, you had a good run. His family came up on that though. Yeah. They have like the Irwin Zoo now. It's just they're all set forever. And they're all doing his shit. Like they're kind of like spitting in the face of fate. Like, they're swimming with the same rays that killed their daddy.

Like, that shit is fucking dangerous. True. But it also... Do you think they planned it? Like, do you think they're smart enough to just be like, all right, today it's like we're fucking them up? What? The rays?

Yeah, yeah. Any of them, honestly. I thought you were talking about Irwin's family set him up for his death. Yeah, we killed Steve. No, no, no. I like that. That would be nuts. That's a millionaire mindset.

Getting stung by a stingray and dying that way can't be that. You think it hurts or you think you just instantly go down? It probably sucks, dude. What is that? It's my vape pipe. That's insane. Is that an E-cob?

What is it, weed? That's crazy. That's so fire i think it's pretty sick that's insane i think it's pretty sick i saw it earlier and i thought that's what it was i didn't want to put you on this it looks like a genie's lamp that's great looks like you're about to fucking extract fucking full genie from there you ever like chewing it now i haven't got it i'm gonna start getting like really chilling on it i've been like getting accustomed how old it. How old is it? How long have you had that? Probably a couple months. Really?

Pretty new, yeah. Damn, that's kind of dope. Keeping it in good shape. Yeah, that's what I mean. I thought it would be a couple days old. I'm babying it, dude. Yeah? I want to get into it really, really chiefing it.

Not even inhaling, just fucking sitting in the water. Just doing that little pop thing. Yeah, just sitting there like. It's not working. Is that for people who... Who is that designed for? I think it's just meant to look cool, I'm assuming, right? Yeah.

If you're in Kansas, that's all the smoke that ever happens. Like corn cobs. Damn. Weed? Like corn cobs? Like 8th graders? Like the corn cob pipes. Really? Those things are sick to get your They make the corn cob pipes. Really?

Those things are sick to get your hands on a corn cob pipe when you're younger. Me and my buddies used to smoke pipe tobacco all the time because we just had a massive bag of it in one of my buddy's grandparents' house and we just had like this like huge Ziploc bag of pipe tobacco and we just roll it into cigarettes.

That's tough. That's tough on the lungs. Did you ever smoke stuff when you're like a little kid? Like roll up like random leaves and shit when you little smoked them? Pretzel rods. I don't think I did. Pretzel rods made smoke, yeah. What do you do?

Pretzel rods. Oh, that's pretty nasty. What do you mean? You light the end of a pretzel rod on fire and it just starts like burning the inside of it just to suck on? You ever try to smoke sugar? Roll up a sugar packet,

try to light it up? No. Doesn't work. Disgusting. I had a couple buddies who smoked, who tried to smoke sugar? Roll up a sugar packet, try to light it up? No. Doesn't work. Disgusting. I had a couple buddies who tried to smoke moss one time. Yeah. Why?

Yo, blazing shit like just ran through your gutter. Because it looks like weed when you're like six and you're like, this is going to get us high. It does give you

that sweet feeling. People used to smoke catnip. That actually fucks you up though, I think, right? I mean, it fucks up cats. I don't know. I have no idea. You might catch a buzz if you puff catnip. I means you up though i think right i mean it fucks up cats i don't know i have no idea you might catch a buzz if you puff cat i mean i think if you smoked most things if you smoked enough of it you'd probably there is a bunch of stuff you can smoke besides weed that'll

kind there's like a whole online culture of like smoking different oh yeah yeah there's a reddit page for it you can like smoke passion flower what i mean it makes sense like why would we be the only thing that could the only smokable plant that definitely it's the best though i think it is the best because i think it's because it's been cultivated and grown to to be the best or you think it's uh naturally there's just something out there there could be i mean dude i think we only know i think we only know about like five percent of all the plants that are how the fuck would they know if we'd only know five percent of the plants how we even even know we just need someone like Shoe Nice who's like smoking all the fucking plants

we just need a fucking adventurous human being I'm surprised not someone hasn't done that just go out to like the rainforest or some shit and just like people who live there smoke all kinds of stuff yeah that's crazy licks toads and stuff like that yeah who figured that out

there must have been a lot of death a lot of death and discovery there's like so much death in like medicine like the history of medicine to try and figure out like what we're like what president there's like one president who died or no who who died one of the presidents died from pneumonia but like he shouldn't have even died but they just like bled him of like three quarters of his blood because they thought that that's what you were supposed to do when you got sick like he could have easily recovered but people are just fucking stupid with medicine i don't know i'm talking out of my ass there's a lot of shit like that with cigarettes too like people like in surgery like getting tumors removed like smoking because they had no idea oh the people who were under the knife

yeah like just ripping sick so they had no idea that cigarettes were bad for you. Yeah, they were promoted as a healthy thing to do. Oh, there was like, on some of the packages, it would be like doctor's number one recommended brand. What was the thinking behind it being something that was healthy? I don't know. I think it was just like it has like stimulating effect. It was just kind of like it's good. And it suppressed your appetite?

Probably had people skinny as fuck? Yeah, they're probably like it's like good for blood flow. I think it like shrinks your blood vessels. They do tell you if you're like have a really bad wound, if you can get a cigarette to smoke it. Really? To slow down bleeding. Really? Yeah.

Oh, fuck it. You got to start smoking it for your fucking rash. Yeah, I know. I should. Start smoking cigs for that pussy ass rash. What's the plan of action for the rash? There's nothing you can do. You just got to wait it out.

That's tight. And it's still like, supposedly, I don't know if it's gonna get much worse, but apparently it's still in, it's still in growing stage. Oh, man. They say,

I got like six more days until it stops spreading. What? How about sunlight? Did they say to give it sunlight? Oh, yeah. Or starve it of sunlight? No, I think it says

if you can like get out in the sun in the morning. Yeah. It helps. But you were scared it was monkey pox though? Oh, I was convinced. Oh, you thought you had the box dude i was on this reddit page for like hours and it's just like a one of those pages where you just like post a picture and you're like does this look at monkey pox and dude the entire page was just these it was just

gay dudes just being like posting their dicks no like not even like that just being like no one just post it was there was not one person that just being like no one just it was there was not one person who just posted a picture and was like this is monkey pox it was like sup uh 32 male fucked seven dudes last night uh woke up with these bumps and it was like these every single post made me feel insecure about myself true yeah i was like i didn't fuck gay sex must be incredible if they're like just fucking through the constant thread of monkeypox. It looks AIDS. It was still fucking through it.

It must be good. It's not even close to monkeypox, though. It's scared me. I kind of want to get the fucking monkeypox vaccine now. Really? Because that shit looks so bad. How many dudes actually get on it? Isn't it very few?

It's 99.1% male-on-male sex. 99.1? It's pretty bad in california i'd rather take that vaccine called chastity dude that's the true vaccine dude it's bad i'm safe you do strike me as someone who retains dude do you retain i i kind of just do naturally now because i'm off the i'm off the poor nog for the most part again obviously none of us are perfect and we all fall sometimes but i'm pretty much off it is like best fall down for sure but for the most part i'm off and i just save myself up from my betrothed and i just i'm it's yeah i have a new technique now

where i don't even think about the sensation of my penis while I'm having sex. So I can save up. I didn't realize that's literally all you think about while you're having sex. You're like, my dick feels so good. My fucking dick feels so fucking good. Oh, my dick feels so good right now. Wait, so how do you displace your concentration? I just, I touch her.

I think about what she's feeling like on my hands. I fucking rub my cheek against hers. I just like, oh, she feels so good in my cheek. I'm just pumping away, dude. On like a seven day save up and it's crazy i could ever do that you're hitting her with the most primal bird yeah and you're not even thinking about that is it a bigger bird full it's your whole bird it's your fuller it's your entire it's as god intended it's your grandfather's bird it's fully your grandfather we need to get it's fully your grandfather's bird we need to get this in front of our sex podcast.

We need to get this in front of the women who do like the call her daddy type of podcast that we do in here. Just so they can kind of hear the male perspective of you like cuddling and caressing. And that it's not just about the fucking bird sensation for the fellas. Yeah. You think about it in a whole different and deeper way. They have fun picking your brain apart. I mean, they can try it. They get to the core of it it might fucking ruin them they might bust a knife out on me and then these these local ladies these fashion institute of uh technology girls are coming in

and throwing off your biology they're throwing off your fucking i'm just charging the battery dude i'm being struck by lightning i'll give my wife a good eight minutes five days from now fucking she'll have no idea what you're just eating it it is smoked i might start doing that when i walk by him like harry potter with the fucking scar no i don't need help get away from me leave me you need to let them know what they're doing to you you know what i mean it's probably damaging to to pretend that you're not seeing anything yeah i'm gonna next time i walk by i'm gonna go oh my penis ouch that's a lot get away it's taking shape get away save yourself taking shape oh my god run yeah no it's save yourself now it is the move man you just save up you don't have to go crazy that's the other thing too i used to go crazy being like i'm gonna sue but it's like don't go crazy if you absolutely must come by all means go ahead can't fight your biology too much of course but when you're getting

into like you don't even feel like fapping and you do anyway that's where i'm like all right i gotta stop yeah i'm like it's like something that you kind of remember yeah i'm like i guess i'll do this it's like eating when you're not hungry i'm experimenting with that too like not eating unless i'm actually hungry yeah you don't realize how much i don't realize how much i was eating just to fucking eat like breakfast in general meals i will i wake up hungry now because i eat like very light dinners yeah but i would just like i would just munch an entire meal out of boredom like a fucking huge i would munch like a thousand calories because it's like time it's that's what i was saying it's dinner time i just fucking stuff my face for no other reason that it's dinner time yeah wait a second yeah i don't need food right now because we've evolved

so far that it's like we just have food at the ready and we don't listen to our body at all it's just like oh we have a fucking ton of food in a pantry that we could stuff our face whenever we want dude and i i swear i've been restricting the calorie and if i need you know if i have to go do something i'll like eat and stuff but it's like if i have nothing to do it's like i'm not gonna eat like that much food there's no reason you feel so much dude your brain you don't realize how much you're hypercharged especially if you're like a negative thinker you just feed your brain calories and it just comes up with shit to just punish you with if you cut the fucking calories off to the brain it fucking chills really yeah it's crazy i need to try that it's nice you cut

the kcals dude your brain you have nothing to fucking eviscerate yourself with your brain's just like we got nothing that's awesome that sounds amazing i was walking with my wife to breakfast and like she was like if she's like let's crawl usually she'll like micromanage me in some ways and if i'm fully on the cows i'm like shut up stop telling me what to fucking do yeah but i was like i'll only get two day fast and i was like yeah whatever you're like you accept all things it was just kind of i didn't have the energy i was or you're just lethargy you're just a lethargic it's weird it's like a kind of a clarity hits you you're kind of like yeah okay let's do this i'm okay if i'm fully carved up i'll it's like why yeah that's why

i like fat people are all grumpy all the time and shit like that why you get fat i think it's some people in here that have fatitude for sure. You get a hard fatitude. I can think of some people in here that have fatitude. Dude, it's the office. It is. It's a fat office. I don't know if you've noticed. Every office is fat as hell. The office settings in general. We got maybe like top five biggest guys

in the city. Really? Take a poke around. Let your eyes gaze on some of these. This is a fat guy safe space, though. No, not when I'm around. You're proud of him. All-time fat phobic. Bit of a cattle prodder. Yeah.

Yeah. But Dave would... Dave, like, collects fat guys. Like, he... Like, Dave Portnoy, the guy who... He collects fats? He loves fat guys. Well, you can't kill, like...

He's like a mess... He's like a millionaire, I'm guessing. So, like, now for millionaires, you can't, like, shoot tigers anymore. The only thing you So like now for millionaires you can't like shoot tigers anymore. The only thing you can do is collect fat guys. He's collecting skins. It's like a hunter

who would have a bunch of elephant tusks on his wall or something like that. Imagine having a fat guy rug. Like my 600 pound life guy. You just let him die and skin him. Dude, we got some guys

in the office that had one rug. You could make one rug. You could make like a like a full rug. A tent to fumigate a house with some of these people's skins. Just thick ass. I hold on to fat phobia. I think we should pursue fat phobia to the extent.

Dude, I was on the Amtrak. I was going home to Massachusetts a couple days ago. Fucking massive dude next to me snoring the entire four hour ride and it's like 7 a.m and the dude's just snoring his fucking brain off and i was so mad you should have why furious oh i'm trying to sleep because it's either the it started at 7 a.m and it's saturday the train is a sunday what you're saying you're on a morning train. Morning train. And you want to sleep. I want to sleep.

But there's this fat guy on there. And he's just, I mean, causing a ruckus. He's sleeping instead of you. He beat you to the punch. Causing a ruckus. He really did. I mean, dude, he had to walk fully fat through a train station. You must hit the fucking thing.

He's way more tired than you. Dude, he did not move for four hours. 30 seconds. Yeah. It was nuts. He got tired. Zonked out. Yeah.

30 seconds. Yeah, it was nuts. He got tired. Zonked out. Yeah, I mean, there's something healthy to wishing fat people to be a little bit skinnier. You know what I mean? There's like a silver lining of fat phobia. Yeah, dude. There's some hatred in it, but there's also a silver lining in it.

It's not hatred. It's nice. It's saying you want them to be around. It's nice. It's aspirational. Around, not around. I encourage them to get fatteratter they're greedy food addicts dude yeah it's like train spotting just with fucking like donuts dude if that's just glorified i i choose life choose a job around choose to be thin it's just so it's funny that like you know it's like the majority of the

country is fat oh somewhat fat a lot of it is funny to be like what would i just do because i'm like it'd be funny there's a bunch of people listening having a good time then like oh yeah they're like i'm hanging in there even skinny people are fat like even our skinniest like people are i'm fat as fuck yeah exactly the body's degrading yeah that's tough that's what i'm into i'm trying to get i'm trying to set it right dude yeah i'm trying i want to how's it going it's all right every i've been working out i do like i do i work out for like one month and stop for three months oh dude but i'm trying to get into it now like every time i work out for two days and be like all right the transformation is probably complete and go to the shower

no i look like a 36 year old who hasn't worked out for a long time but you're like you gotta go you gotta go at it for like at least three months to notice results yeah i've been at it i've been at it pretty hard lately yeah i just do it for the mood benefits dude if i don't like move my body i turn into a like a total mental slug dude and many k cows not moving i turn into just like a fucking evil person from like a disney movie i'm just like yeah i need to take down the prince there is it or it also you get to a point where like you're you're just like pissed off at I don't know you're just pissed off in general

I don't know it's a fucked position to be in I woke up the other day and it was like I was sleeping and I just ate so much just completely just totally didn't have to but I was munching all day and then I I woke up with like food in my throat like it just was in my stomach and like i burped and it was just like

i think shane was there it was like a dog it was like dog barf that's insane i was like ew that that really set me off i'm like all right bro you have to get it together damn i don't even know how much i would have to eat for that to happen. I just was munching. I was just munching. Nonsense. What was it like? Were you like eating in bed? Yeah.

Sometimes if you're like recumbent, if you're like lying back eating, sometimes you don't No, I just. Go down the. True. If you eat right after you, if you go to bed right after you eat. But no, I just was like. I have weird food allergies and shit too. And I was like real lax in Australia.

And I came home like, all right, I'm tightening up meat and veggies, two meals a day and just continue to munch. And then I fucking, that's when like I munched really hard unnecessarily. And then just my wife had like, I'll eat, I'll get home sometimes. It's like four. I haven't eaten all day. It's like time to munch. So I'll munch as hard as I can.

But then dinner's usually like 6 p.m. So I munched right before dinner. And then she put the plate of like spaghetti in front of me. And I was just like, just house. Another thousand sleep. And then Spugats came up on me. It's not. I just woke up with like a turd of fucking food in my throat. A rock solid turd would be hilarious.

I was just mushed. And I was like, just like a thick ass. I burped. Yeah. You're just pulling it out. I swallowed it back down. Obviously.

Oh yeah. Continue to monitor. That stays in. I was like, I need to figure out a way to eat food that does. Like, it just destabilizes me the way I eat food. What kind of food allergies do you have? Gluten.

Oh, yeah. Gluten, dairy. I'm trying to get off gluten. Apparently, my mom said that if I get off gluten. We have the same body, dude. You can't have gluten. You can't have it. Gluten and dairy, I can't have.

My mom said if I get off gluten, my rash will go away. Probably. And probably dairy, too. Try getting rid of the dairy. I don't really consume My mom said if I get off gluten, my rash will go away. Probably. And probably dairy too. Try getting rid of the dairy. I don't really consume much dairy. No? Not even cheese? Except for the 10 slices of pizza I'll eat on Saturday night.

I know. Just wolfing pizza. You writing any books or what, bro? Yeah, I'm writing another book right now. Are you? Yeah. Novel. Can you say what you're writing about?

Yeah, for sure. I'm still figuring it out, but the essential premise is a guy who became he was a guy who studied psychology he went to harvard for psychology started working for the cia as like a psychological and now whatever he was just like working for them whatever psychologists do again this is still in the very early phases but basically he gets into some things gets into some trouble and he has he ends up in pennsylvania and he starts fucking one of his clients and his like practice starts falling apart because his whole life's based on like a scam so then he has to she convinces him like come live with me i'll tell my family that you're my uncle from california so he moves in with the family but she's like

you have to help us because we're super dysfunctional so he's trying to help the family while fucking the life damn damn it's you know stuff happens stuff happens you know like there's a there's a terrible event in the very beginning that like frames the whole thing was detected like there was a school shooting basically yeah and then they're they get this file and it's the dudes it's the guy wrote a story explaining what happened basically because he doesn't want to be blamed for the school shooting because he was the advisor to the damn that's awesome pretty so you thought all you just think all that out that's crazy you start with like i'm gonna make a story about this and you

start writing like that sucks and like you just go every day and eventually it like formulates into like a coherent so do you do you write like do you just get right into like writing or do you like write out the plot like are you trying to work out just right i'm a draft it's called i didn't realize that's what it is it's called draft writing you just fucking write draft after draft after draft some people do like i'll i'll try to do like a plot line but i always like while i'm writing i'm like do you know the end when you're starting it i can't no you know i never know when i'm starting really and then it kind of just eventually you're like yes this makes sense what that's awesome that's crazy right every day i try to like today i today i won't

because i have to like drive new york yeah but i free day I get, I try to spend at least like an hour or two. That's, that's kind of good discipline. I feel like that's a lot of people, uh, would love to do that or they'll even convince themselves that they're going to do that, but then they just won't do it. Cause it's torturous.

Cause the whole time you're, when you start doing it, you're like, I'm fucking loser. You go back and forth. Like I'm a loser. And like, I have the best idea ever. Then you show it to one person.

Like, this is totally incoherent. It makes no sense. You're like, fuck. Showing right into someone is tough yeah you get over that though i had the same thing and then you get over it because once you stop for a while i'd be like you want to like am i good am i good am i good you're showing people stuff now it's like i don't care i just want to come up with a compelling story that's fun people sounds like a great story

it'd be fun what uh who are your people that who are your like sounding boards is Is it like publishers or like, uh, friends of yours or like, yeah, just friends who you know are well read. Yeah. And you're, you do, uh, who was talking recently? I don't even know if it was like just someone on Twitter who was basically like, if you, I can't take you seriously as a writer unless you're super well read. And there was a lot of backlash to that people, I guess, who were writers who don't read a lot. But what's your take on that? Do you think that people have to read a bunch to be a good writer or do you think there is an avenue to being a good writer without being super well read? I think whatever, you know, whatever you want to do. I don't I mean, I like to read a lot, but it's like that's it's like the most douchiest subject section of people on the planet who are

like a real writer. It's like to shut the fuck up. Yeah. Writer culture is like the worst. That's also people who are so obsessed with telling people that they're a writer. Like grammar Nazis. Yeah. I fucking hate that.

I hate when people misuse grammar. It's like, dude, shut the fuck up, dude. Shut up. A lot of good writers have horrible grammar. I never, dude, I never opened a grammar book in grade school.

We had the grammar books and I, for years, I i just didn't that was the one thing they didn't check if you did it or not i just didn't do it forever yeah i have no idea how to use commas dude no fucking clue i just throw them wherever they send my phone yeah i'm like i used to add feels like a comma i used i used to put like a million in there i'm like i'm such a good writer dude look at all these comments yeah but no it's just fun to write the stories how many do you have under your belt how many books have you written i've finished one yeah and then this is my second one so you're on about to be writes books multiple books yeah i'm gonna try i'd love to do that like when i'm older just do that the whole time i feel like that's a good thing to age

into just like oh i'm gonna sit in my desk fuck my room with my desk, smoke my fucking weed pipe. Smoke my electric pipe. That's a writer's way to smoke weed. Like that's a true fucking... You got to get yourself a typewriter. I've seen those and this is another thing of like, yeah, a typewriter.

And it's just like, fuck that dude. No, that's someone that watched like fucking, I don't even know, watched a writing movie. Dude, I'm telling you like i like don de laura's writer i like a lot it was a big thing of like real writers had to type writers you had a you couldn't like dude i'd like google words constantly i'm like i already

use that word i double click it i'm like theosaurus look up a different version yeah yeah i'm not gonna not use that yeah i've written shit and use the grammar what is it grammarly yeah yeah it just makes me sound like a genius it just replaces all the words with better words, it'll be like, you want us to rewrite this sentence for you, and then you click yes and then it's just like an amazing sentence I'm on my way right now, exclamation mark

yeah, yeah, fuck yeah dude I'm so excited about being on my way right now yeah, the yeah, it's fun, it's fun, it is a thing that was like the only thing, I'd never finished anything ever before and I finished that first book and I was like fuck yeah, uh yeah it's fun it's fun it is a thing that was like the only thing i'd never finished anything ever before and i finished that first book and i was like fuck yeah that's that's got to be uh daunting as hell that's just like a massive undertaking with uh probably for your first one not a lot of governance from someone else to be like hey get this done hey get this

done i had literally zero structure in my life i had no i i could have done anything but i already had wasted like seven years of my life being like i can do whatever i want and i literally didn't do anything for like seven years yeah just selling weed i had all my free time i was like dude this is the best probably was kind of sweet it's fucking sick so i had all my i squandered all my free time then i was like all right i'm not gonna do that again no more free time what was your first book called overlook overlook yeah fuck yeah dude yeah it was yeah that was good that was i use a lady to copy edit just i'm like just i suck at grammar just pick out all the grammar shit and she fucking i think used grammarly on me oh really

over the whole document and try and dude she missed so many fucking things so i just self-published on amazon and do people like yo there's so many fucking mistakes yeah fuck you guys but i mean you can go in and edit them fix them oh you can on amazon the draft yeah and what's your uh release schedule for this one that you're working on now or it's too early i have no idea i'm hoping to be done a dread now it's kind of now i figured out like a plot line finally it took me a long time so it didn't really make sense but now that i have like a i'm like all right it's kind of moving i think maybe i'll have a rough draft done by like wintertime. Yeah.

And then, you know, we'll see though. It always takes way longer than you think. It's got to be interesting because there's like more pressure on you to, or there's more eyes on you for sure. Like with the success of your, of your show. Yeah. But it's, I know. I mean, but the problem is, is like, we're not even the problem.

The good thing is like, because when you first do anything, like if you're writing or do it, like, you're just like, I would be like going to the writing subreddits. I'm like, I need to publish. I need to look like you just want the validation of it all writing or do like you're just like i would be like going to the writing subreddits i'm like i need to publish or i need to like you just want the validation of it all now like it's just like genuine it is genuinely therapeutic for me to sit there and write it's like it's my favorite thing in the world to do so i like you i really i'm not saying like i don't care i'd love for people to buy it like this is the best ever but like i also it's something i'd do anyway because i just really enjoy doing it damn it must be crazy writing sex

scenes bro there's a lot in this one because he's constantly fucking this lady they're just coming they're real short quick ones but he's also this guy's man like mentioning and by the way we did have he's like giving like a detailed log of like what happened so he's like telling a narrative and like and then we had sex again basically damn but you you're probably not horny as fuck you'd probably just write about it clinically just from an outsider's perspective it is making me laugh to have this guy talk about like, because he's like trying to like help this family. Like he owned like a spirit. This guy's a spiritualist as well. So he's trying to like get into the nitty gritty and like help this family on like a deep spiritual, psychological level.

And he's like, and then his wife blew me. But he's doing it. He's telling himself he's doing it for her own good. She's a broken woman and she put him she advanced on him and he's like i can't reject this woman in a frail state that's he's basically a hero with that whole point the way he's slinging that dick i mean dude she's a broken woman she came to his practice there are therapists i've read a book this one guy uh fuck dude who's the guy who wrote uh road less traveled it was like frost no no no no it was but this was

the this guy took that as like a cell it was a very first self-help book i forget the guy's name but he wrote it's called the road less traveled and he wrote in that book he was just like a psychiatrist and he was like if a woman comes to me and i think having sex with her will help i'll do that i was like damn bro m scott peck yeah that's nuts yeah so he like wrote this book like how to be a good person all this stuff and then i read his next book well it was like a later book his memoir and he was basically like yeah i was cheating on my wife the whole time i got my book blew up and i just couldn't help sanctimonious bastards just fucking people's wives when they come in for therapy he was like he was one of those guys who like got real into the study of

evil a lot of guys i think the 70s got like dug down and like the nature of evil and wrote these like real in-depth books about like how we all could have been nazis and all this shit man salman rushdie type shit or fucking uh i guess he's just talking about uh islam he's talking about islam these dudes were basically like looking into like where where does like aggression stem from in the first place damn you know he was like getting in on that shit of like there was like a crossover between like theology and psychology that kind of intersected and the answer is he's just gotta fuck people's wives he just kept selling books yeah he'd just be like how to be a good person and he just would sell books and be like and they'd be like yeah this book rules and he would get like psychology

pussy damn dude that's tough dude he was the, it was the first self-help book. Yeah, he's a pioneer. He was like a guru, basically. Yeah, that's kind of sweet. He was a guru. But, you know, he was just slamming dudes' wives in hotels on book tours. That's nuts. He'd get caught and be like, I'm sorry, babe.

He eventually took his babe to like, the book I was reading, the second one I was reading about him was like him looking, he would like go and look, he stopped cheating on his wife and he's like they got into megaliths. So he would go around – Into what? Megaliths. So like those big – what's the big famous one? Stonehenge. So he would go to like a fucking big ass rock standing up with like a rock on top and him and his wife after he had cheated on her for like 30 years, he's like we're going to go look at megaliths.

So the books about him and his wife like – Was that The Cure? Yeah, it's just them being like look we're old now i'm sorry i fucked a bunch of chicks but here we are now we're still together we're gonna look at these megaliths and and he wrote about like that experience the fact that it's tough for the wife because where is she gonna go dude what book is she gonna crack open to fucking like affirm herself that there was dude in the 1400s there was there was books that were written that are now like massively reproduced they were written for one person really duke in the 1400s you'd be like yo write me a book one book and you're the only one who had it i'd like a story one book fucking craft the story yeah you'd have to do would spend like 14 years

writing like a sick like a thick ass tome for you as the duke and you'd be like thanks dickhead you'd be giving money thanks for the time and then through these guys and no they made these books thinking one guy was going to read it now they're massively reproduced like classics that's kind of dope pretty sick damn the printing press wasn't involved it wasn't invented yet dude i hope you come up with a classic i hope you write a classic that'd be tight i'm rooting for you to write a classic i mean I have until I die to do it yeah you have tons of time that's something that's gonna age super well

it's not like trying to be like a rapper or like a fucking old ass comic or something like that like you can be a writer until the day you fucking die I have no problem

spending like 7 years I'm gonna finish this one the next book I wanna write I'm gonna spend hopefully like 10 years on it 10 years bro I wanna do it

if you spend 10 years it would definitely be good you think? yeah what the fuck dude who cares I'll like 10 years i want to do it if you spend 10 years it would definitely be good yeah what the fuck dude who cares i'll do 10 years you spent seven years as a weed dealer i was pretty good were you yeah i was pretty good people i will say people always said like dude you were the best i was on time i don't i had a j i brought a genuine work ethic to it really yeah i was organized did you ever get uh ever get in any trouble nah man let's go scott free bro hell yeah you must have been pretty good i did little scott that is six cents dude i knew when trouble was growing sniff it out i could feel it you get close to some trouble and be like nah not today i got yeah there was i had some close calls close

brushes you ever have to run no not like that but like i just would like like the one time this dude definitely would have fucking killed me if i went back there no that close this dude they lived in uh not over hey i guess overbrook damn around there and i was i was buying like pounds of midis off them and then i told you and i didn't know they were selling heroin too uh so these dudes are bad dudes yeah i uh i didn't know that but i was buying midis and they like i found a new connect and they kept shorting me so i was like dude the guy called me i'm like yo you don't know what you're doing bro you're a fucking fool i was drunk i was like drunken stone in an apartment like yo you're a fucking pretender bro you're not really about i was just fucking just talking shit to this dude from west

philly who's a heroin dealer like bro you're a drug lord you're a clown they were like heroin lords i didn't know this i was like you're a fucking clown bro just like talking so much shit because there are two brothers i was dealing with the younger one i'm like no you're just a kid man me and your older brother on the same line just always drunk and high talking shit to like a fucking probably a murderer yeah and then he one time he called me down he's like yo come on come down here matt come on we got all of that and i was like tempted me because the prices were so cheap on the midis and i was like oh man that'd be like 200 extra bucks i should go and then i was like is he gonna kill me there was like something weird about it where i'm like why is this guy hooking me up right now and then i just went uh yeah i'll let you know man i was

like deleted his number and then it turned out that like that guy i read a news story about them like years later and he like the one brother the one that would probably would have fucking killed me what like ran his car through a bunch of people. Or like, no, excuse me, through cops. He was like, he was getting chased by the cops. And apparently he like ran through a police barricade. And the other one, allegedly, I heard word of mouth that he got arrested in the airport because he was like using women to smuggle drugs and then probably like abusing them and stuff.

And then the woman in the airport, a woman in the airport, from what I heard, just screamed like, help, help, help. I have drugs. I have drugs. I have drugs. This guy's making me run drugs. Both got locked up. No way. Yeah.

That's, I mean, good dodge bullet on your part. It would have been you in the airport. It would have had me. Yeah. I would have had to have the heroin on my thigh. I would have been a total donkey for that. I would have absolutely been abducted. Help.

Running back. This man's making me do this. It's a bad life, though. Like that, like the crime life when you're younger like that's sick it's like it's sad bad like miserable existence that makes you have paranoid paranoid a liar you have to lie i'd imagine you'd be paranoid all the time all 24 7 yeah and you have to just lie you're just lying constantly you're just dude you ruin your nervous system that's fun it's a bad it's like a bad thing like when i got especially as you get older it just gets worse did you uh did you ever make a bunch of money off of it i there were times i got robbed too a ton so i would like make some money then i get robbed then

i make some money and did you ever buy a garish purchase did you ever buy anything outlandish i keep i kept it tight as hell really beat up car yeah tight as hell beat up car just love of the game just fucking just like this i was in fatigue down the whole time dude damn never flat civilian Beat up car. Yeah. Tight as hell. Beat up car. Just love of the game. Just fucking. Just like this? I was in fatigue down the whole time, dude. Damn. Never flashed. Civilian? You're just a pure civilian at all times?

Never flashed. Dude. I was always fighting for my freedom. I just wanted my free time. Yeah. So I would save all my money and be like, nice. Now I can chill and look at YouTube. For like nine hours.

Which is kind of like the government, if they could like pick what drug dealers like how they spent their time like you were probably kind of archetypal for them dude they probably liked like you just sold your drugs went home the thing that gets people in trouble in my for what i've surmised is well talking about it like this but i don't do that but the people would either get into like the violent aspect of it of like that guy robbed me i'm gonna get revenge you'll instantly get caught and get in trouble or dudes would start flashing flashing yeah talking shit yeah just keep it to yourself yep dude people can do it because it was like you're not supposed to have access to that experience you're supposed to like drudge about

and like an apprenticeship thing i'm supposed to just be making like two thousand dollars a week is it like a 20 like economically it doesn't make Dude, there was dudes I would try to like, I'd be like, all right, this guy could probably sell weed. I watched so many people just buckle of like, either like the money of it,

they'd fucking start flashing money and spend it all or they'd smoke. Like people just can't do it or they would just get like really, really scared, which is probably

the right response. Like this is fucked up. This is not fucked up, but like this is crazy. I shouldn't do this. Yeah, you were kind of built for it that you weren't getting scared,

but you also weren't flashing and you were also just like i was scared i was always scared but i was just kind of like at the same time i was like kind of excited i'm like this kind of just kind of were you ever packing a little i had a gun one time and i just like someone broke into my house i thought they were they didn't steal it thank god they're like kids broke into my house and stole my change but oh wow but no i had a gun it made me nervous dude i'd look at it and just bug out i was always stoned yeah what do you do kill somebody i was constantly i was like i'm gonna end up shooting i thought i was gonna shoot myself yeah exactly you're gonna kill yourself did you look when you're like i was high all the time and i was looking at like i had a small little revolver and look at it and be like

jesus christ i'm like two impulses away from ending everything yeah dude it just sat there and i was just kind of like yeah i'll just look at it and go, good God. It was a dirty game to be in. The gun game. How about just beating people up? You ever just beat some people up? No, I choked a guy once.

Not for fun, though. One time a guy robbed me. Guy had me robbed. And I put it together while I was in there. And I started, I got like spazzed. I lost like $14,000. I lost all my money, basically. Damn, that's a lot of money to lose. dude and i had i was held at gunpoint for like

a while this guy ran because it was like i knew a dude who was like my friends coming down from penn state to buy like whatever like five pounds of weed and i'm like nice dude this is the pay yeah and then i went there i'm in a room and all of a sudden he's like oh my friend's here and then he just happens to be followed with a dude in a ski mask he's like oh i don't know this guy was just here and in my head i'm like the fuck this guy set this up damn uh yeah so and then i got the guy the dude with the gun finally left after like threatening us for like 20 minutes and then i just like i put it together the whole time because i was looking at that i've already been robbed before too yeah so this was like my second time

and i'm looking at the dude i know who was like completely coward and fear like eyes this big and then i was looking at this other dude i never met it was like completely cowered in fear like eyes this big and then I was looking at this other dude I never met who was like claiming to be heck being like oh no this guy just robbed me and he was just like chilling chilling I'm like dude he was like it was bad acting I'm like this fucking weasel so as soon as the dude with the gun left I was just Homer Simpson

and I'm like ha ha both hands choked blacked out rage just like ahhh just spazzing out and he's just like I don't know I didn't know and I'm like bullshit you little mother and like your adrenaline's just so spiked because you're like oh my god i almost died yeah yeah it's fucking damn that's nuts that was it the kid i knew was like stop i even know what i was doing yeah i'm not like that i'm not like out to like like fuck people up and i'm not like a badass like that i just spazzed but and fourteen thousand dollars will get the spaz at the time time I was married, my first marriage.

And that night was my ex-wife's birthday. So we had to go to Atlantic City. And I was planning on having all this money to ball out. And I didn't have any money. And I had to go home. Like, oh. Damn. That's like a Whiteman can't jump type of situation.

You lost all of it? Oh, I lost my money. Damn. So what did you do in AC? I've lost all my money so many times really i had a credit card that had a little bit of money left so i didn't even go crazy it was dinner and i was awfully conservative that night i was like we should call it a night yeah i just want the chicken i'm just gonna get the rice i've lost all my money so many times dude it's like by the by the last time it happened it was just. Dude, I've lost all my money so many times, dude. It's like by the last time it happened, it was just like, whatever. Damn. Like from having all my money to having like no money again.

It was just like, whatever. That's kind of reassuring. It's just about having, if you enjoy your day, it really doesn't matter. That's what I learned from that. You got to be the richest you've ever been right now too. Yeah, big time. Fuck yeah. But I'm ready for it to just.

Be gone again? I mean, I would love for it. It's a terrible way to think, but in my head, I'm like bro i'm ready i'm ready to zero out and just like i'm fully expecting to zero out of here that would be pretty tough at this point at this point for you to lose all of your unless you got like in some sort of like irs like true or like if you try to like angel invest for someone like venture capital into some kind of like shitty business or something yeah i don't do any of that i just chill and just like yeah your podcast so i'm like yeah i'm just ready for it i'm always ready for a complete like you got dirty podcast money dirty but then you could just start another podcast it's like you've you're too big to fail at

this point it's bullshit we'll see tell that to myself dude myself's like dude it's all good yeah we're trying to talk to yourself you're gonna lose this you fucking idiot we're trying to get Billy and Spud I want them to get signed by Barstool I don't know

I don't know what's good with Barstool but I would love if War Mode was in here permanently that would be sick dude you have to get the boys up to New York

that'd be tough to get those guys up here I mean they could make the commute though yeah if War Mode was at Barstool I don't know I don't know how that

would play out what do you mean they can't afford them bro barcelona can't afford that's what i think is more of the concern that's what i'm saying they're cash cows total cash they're about to be bringing in all the billion dollar cash but yeah well that we want them in i'm trying to buy in early and like if i had venture capital money i would fucking sink some angel investments into i think they're a fucking decacorn dude i think that's a short thing yeah they're a short thing yeah they're fucking they're the funniest dudes i know they're the funniest dude it's fucking incredible they were just don't understand they're just on your show weren't they yeah yeah they fucking just crushed it so funny damn what uh were you did you ever work with either of them yeah i worked for spud for i mean i worked for him brother

yeah my spud yes bud he paints and he can do like contracts and so you because i know you used to paint and i know that he paints i didn't know if you paint both he's the master dude he's literally like it means you know no one wants to talk house painting but he's the fucking master he's super nice with it dude it's like you know cutting in this is talk house painting but he's the fucking master he's super nice with it dude it's like you know cutting in this is easy cutting into a drop ceiling it's nothing because you do got that gap you guys probably can't even see it but there's a little gap right there you get the brush right in there you don't gotta worry about it but talking like a regular talking about like a regular stock shop bro break it down i mean it's drops yes you just

drop so you don't even gotta worry about this space you got to cut in dude you can fucking hide all kinds of sins oh yeah hide all kinds of sins up there but dude i don't even got to worry about this. Look at that space you got to cut in, dude. You can fucking hide all kinds of sins. Hide all kinds of sins up there. I don't even want to know what's going on in those crooks. When you're cutting into a ceiling, you're shaking because you're like, I'm going to hit the ceiling. You don't have to fix anything.

You don't have to do it at all. Before I was so slow, he'd be looking at me, usually like this, taking his eye off the brush, cutting in a crisp, straight line. Really? He just has that just perfect motor function. Muscle memory, dude. It's pure fucking muscle memory. Really?

Dude, I love painting houses. Is it calming? It is, dude. It's like 90% of people, like it's psychological torture. But like there's a small subset of people who like it's deeply relaxing for me. I can imagine that. Paint, cut in, throw some tunes on. Dude, tunes are blasting all day long.

Perhaps a podcast. I don't know if they ever listen to podcasts. Oh, you can blast a pod. You can blast a pod. Yeah, those fellas listen to a podcast. And you're in a safe space to listen to whatever podcast you want. This is a construction site. Yeah.

You can let it. Just blasting a pod. It's like ear screeching. Blasting pods. The subwoofer. People do that. But it's risky. If you bust out a pod on a job site, people are going to go right away.

Everybody's like, yo, what the fuck are these you guys fucking good you're gonna get attacked definitely i've heard all the time people put on a pod and like they'll put on like matt and shane's and then they'll be like my boss right away like who the fuck are these idiots yeah you're like yo this rules after like a month and that's always like yes yeah that's the target demo episode one is tough like getting in get it like for the first time for the bros yeah dude all the bros come by like who are these fucking losers yeah yeah any new podcast even to listen to or to show somebody first episode every podcast i listen to initially if i don't know the person i'm like i hate this dude two people talking i'll give it like four seconds i'm like fuck dude trying to get someone

like a friend to listen to a podcast has to be like one of the hardest things to do yeah they'll never sit them down oh you gotta listen this is so funny and they're like yeah and then they'll never listen never they'll never do it you have to find it on your own time to actually like yeah get into a podcast yeah i don't know how people i don't know how the shit grows i don't know how the word of mouth works no idea it's crazy yeah it really is being like yo check this out this is job site to job site you gotta let the boys know on the fucking job site. Carpool to carpool. Yeah, that's one of the best ways.

But people are listening. You must have a good ass contingent on the job sites. Job sites must go crazy for you guys. I think the bros are on the job site. We get some love on the job site. I know some dudes on some job sites that listen to us. A little bit of love on the job site. It's not crazy.

No. We could definitely boost it. We got it. Maybe this will help. This might help on the job site. Yeah. That's all I care about. Those are the guys.

Getting love on the job site. That's my next book. That's all I, that's like the two things that bring me like supreme joy. And dude, I think that. You should make a self-help book

about how to get love on the job site. True. Yeah. I love when dudes are like, yo, I listened to podcasts in a meat freezer. I'm always like,

yes. Yeah. I always hear about some dude just freezing. He's listening to fucking like, oh, always like, yes. Yeah. I always hear about some dude just freezing. Just listening to fucking like, oh, so like a fucking cane, brother. Or like he said

some crazy shit about like cattle a couple weeks ago. I was spreading misinformation and the boys did not like that. But like there's so many, the fact that we had so many people who were like,

I work on a cattle farm. This is actually how it goes. I had like 50 farmers in my hands. That's tough. You've never been more wrong. But it's sweet to even know that it's like, oh, you're just on the farm listening to us,

dude. What was the cattle take? You don't want to answer it. We don't need to bring more corn. They can't break down corn or something like that in their tummies. There's something about cows not being able to break down corn. Everyone was like, I feed my fucking I feed my cows corn every goddamn day. You don't know what the hell

you're talking about? Don't listen to those Monsanto farmers. Yeah, exactly. They got the GMOs out their ass. They didn't want me putting mustard on their jackets. Yeah, they do. They're saying grass feds bullshit. A little bit, yeah.

I don't know if they're saying that. I think they were saying it's not bad for the cows, though. Oh, to have a little corn. Yeah. But you were saying something about- Yeah, we'll cut and open a cow. A whole corn cob. Which is a cow full corn which is a real thing it is a real thing but it's not for i believe it i wasn't even coming but that's not for to pull i

thought so you know have you ever seen when these cows have holes in their stomachs it's not for it's not for pulling the corn out it's for something else like testing something in the stomach but it is a real thing like there's pictures of cows but they have these like tube like rubber things around like a hole in their side of them so that people can like get in there yeah i get freaked out when they get into like factory cows and like headless chickens and shit oh yeah because they say the grass can't talk about that on this podcast yeah if you're a fucking corporate ass fucking farmer yeah i think the i think the omega-6 what's the good one omega-3 omega-6 I think is the inflammatory one, but I think cows that eat just grass

have like higher omega-3 anti-inflammatory things. Who knows? Could be bullshit, I don't know. But I eat it and I tell myself that and I feel good. Yeah. But if you do lock a cow in a box and feed it like fucked up shit forever, you're going to get negative effects of eating that. There's no way that gives health into your body.

There's no way. What's good with the headless chickens though? I don know anything about what do they think i've heard this is might be heavy fucking urban legends but i've heard like kfc chickens are like cloned headless freaks they just they just born headless i've heard that i think the problem is that they're they're in these areas where they can't even move and they're just basically just waiting there until they get murdered just shitting i've yeah shitting all over each other i've've heard they just try to grow. You just want to grow the meat. So it's like the less shit, the better. Dude, but I've heard that grass fed chickens though,

that just means that the doors open and they can go outside if they want to, but they don't even desire to go outside. They can cheat on that. A lot of them do that. Whereas like, is it like five feet of space? Is it like literally like a cage they can walk outside or is it like freely roaming?

Yeah, then they don't even want to roam like they're chickens they got stockholm syndrome yeah chickens are weird animals we had chickens when i was younger oh they're crazy we had to give them away rooster life they were eating each other yeah the roosters fuck each other that's what the pecking order is they'll come and just rip the crest if there's another male they try to rip the crest off of it because if you don't have like a sick crest as a rooster you can't get any pussy a crest what's that just on your chest fucking yeah really they fuck each other up yeah and they we had we had a mice we had like a mouse in the like went into the their little cage oh they fucking ripped that thing you can't have that dude they ripped it brutalized it like pulling it apart while it was alive yeah dude they were just protecting the bays that's fucking sick roosters are there

fully protecting the bays and then you also got to be on watch all the time because then the birds will come down and they just are not i guess not like foxes and shit just snatch them up dude and that's gonna be a great day if you're a fox just getting a full chicken and they get mad you can't stop a fox now when i was we had ducks when i was little and one apparently like stuck its head out of like the chicken wire and a fox came and just bit its fucking head off. No way. Clean? Headless duck. Might have gnawed it for a little bit.

Chilled for a while. It might have been a KFC duck too. It might have been a Monsanto duck. It might have been born that way. It could be fake, but I hold it down. Like if you just lock an animal in a box and it just shits everywhere and you eat it, it's probably bad. Oh yeah, it's gotta be. And it's also like, that's my whole trip right now.

It's like, dude, why am I not eating? Why do I have to eat all this food? It's just, it's gotta be and it's also like that that's my whole trip right now it's like dude why am i not eating why do i have to eat all this food it's just it's a waste of money it makes me feel bad i'm gonna i'm pushing myself to my limits to see like what actually do i need to eat yeah it's kind of tight dude you get like you get lightheaded too you get like a real floaty feeling dude have you ever seen the documentaries of the guys who are on like the 30-day rip they're like on a 30-day fast and they're just like fucking like woozy, like barely alive looking like Jesus. Yeah.

You're spaced. I can only do like one day where I eat like a little bit of fruit too. Yeah. But I've done like whole days where I don't eat. I've done one where I don't eat, don't drink for a whole day. It's kind of cool. It's awesome.

It's a way to entertain yourself that like your whole day will be kind of fresh and new. If you don't eat anything like by like six o'clock, you're like, whoa, what's this? And then when you eat, how did it go when you finally ate the next day you munch and it's like fuck dude this is so good it was good yeah it's so good okay so it's grace you sit there you can actually say grace man i'm so fucking pumped on these

fucking eggs dude we uh we do a wheel on the other show one of the things on the wheel is a 24 hour fast so we're all about to have to do 24 hour fast eventually i don't know when that shit's coming but it's chill it's a good thing to throw into the repertoire yeah it'll be sweet once we get there yeah just starve ourselves a little bit but get the wheel going you got to come and come in for the axon time bro coming for uh yeah definitely when shane uh came in for the last time he had a good time right now he did the are you talking about the drinks yeah yeah i the drinks. Yeah, she had a blast. I would fall apart immediately.

I mean, I could... This is actually our redemption. I think this might be... I think this is a good episode. So I think we might win over your team, your fans. The squad? Were they pissed? Was there beef?

They were fired up. Yeah, I think they thought... I remember, I knew there was like some sort of clash. I think that they thought that we were F-slurs. I think that they didn't like... F-slurs. They didn't like us disrespecting their goat. What was the disrespect?

We didn't I mean I did disrespect Stephen Che did. I did the opposite of disrespect. Yeah. They held it down You over respected. They held it down as like a

Both our factions were kind of warring. You respected down to the shaft. Warring plans. That's going to end in a fucking Yeah. Yeah. It will. What are we fighting about? Because they're the same people at the end of the day. We just going to end in a fucking Yeah, yeah, yeah. What are we fighting about? Because they're the same people at the end of the day.

We just need to fucking ingratiate them. Do you ever check your Reddit? I haven't. I used to look at it all the time. They got you. What? You guys are gone. Did they take it down completely? You guys are in like stage one of banned. Shadow banned? Yeah, someone told me it was like shadow banned.

Yeah, you guys are it's at a point where you can only comment on like the free talk posts what yeah there's some sort of you guys it was rowdy in there because you guys got come town they absorbed come town we got opiate there was a migration from come town i think opiate anthony dudes got like that got shut down yeah there was there's thing called cringe anarchy which was like that was like that's when i went on to because i went on to red i started that reddit did you i started it up and i was like i just started reddit so i was like excited for reddit karma i remember being like this is cool yeah right let's try and drive people from different this is like when the podcast literally first started so i was going into all

these subreddits trying to get people like you're okay cool look at this no i'll just be like oh this is such a funny clip in a different so i get banned from a bunch of them. But there were different Reddits. And the one that was like actually doing it was this, it was called Cringe Anarchy. And I think they got banned. It was like a dark subreddit.

And I was like, hey guys, check this out. And so we had like, it wasn't just because of that, but like we ended up having this like great migration of like, just like Opie and Anthony dudes,

Comptown dudes. And it was just, it was a place where bros could just be like absolute monsters. Oh, they're crazy. I used to be at all times they just post hilarious shit. Oh, they're crazy. I used to be an honorary. I look at it all the time because they just post hilarious shit.

Yeah, it's hilarious in there. Some of it was very funny. I used to be an honorary mod of the fat people hate subreddit. Did you really? Not because of anything. Or I did a rap battle against. You were a mod? They were like, dude, this guy is our, he is our like God.

Oh, because you did the, yeah. I like this rap battle against this like super fat guy. And I did a whole round about like how fucking like fat he is our like god oh because you did the i like this rap battle against this like super fat guy and i did a whole round about like how fucking like fat he is and like i was so mean to him yeah and uh they were like this this guy is like the number one shit lord like he like fucking hates the fats like no other and they like fucking elevated that's nuts and eventually they they were part of like the early ban of uh reddits because it was like literally fat people hate like they were like so negative torch fat people in there but uh yeah man yeah yeah dude i i don't know how i watched some so i was like i always try to google stuff whenever i'm doing a podcast like let me just like google stuff and see what's up i

was what your battles came up i'm like that must be the most anxiety inducing event i watched the one against the fat black dude yeah you're talking big t dude and i'm like i was nervous like dude this must be the most nervous a human being can be having to go in and be like all right in some ways but i think that um there's like so many ways that uh for it to be six i think stand up to me would be more nerve-wracking no no way because you have to have what you're saying down to a t. You can't mess up a single word. And also you're saying like the amount of words you would say in like a 10 minute set in like 30 seconds.

I can't remember like four jokes. I'm like, fuck, what was I going to say? That if some guy making gun noises at you and shit, I'd fucking fall apart. I'd be like, dude, you fucking win. That was making me laugh so fucking hard. He was gun noising me hard. But it's like,

boop, boop, boop, bock. All right, dude. But, but in rap battles,

you could be like funny or you could be like aggressive or you could be mean. Like in standup comedy, you only can be funny. You know what I mean? Like there's, aggressive as hell.

Huh? No, I'm kidding. Super aggressive. Or like people only want one thing and that's humor out of it. And there's like a lot of different things people can want out of a rap battle. You know what I mean? You could do all kinds of different shit, which makes it a little bit or made it a little

bit easier for me. No way. I was watching that like, that is the scariest shit ever. I don't know. It was pretty sick. It was kind of fun at the time. It was like fun to do. Yeah.

It was like super fun. And just like the high afterwards of it just being like fuck yeah that was fucking sweet yeah dude it was it was a lot of fun the dudes in the background is fucking being like yeah i would that's a that's a hard dragon not to chase yeah dude drake was at that rap battle was he really he was at that one against the big black dude or whatever it was fucking but but that morning he had like posted a picture of me and him on his instagram and so i was like and so it was like as as anxious as you might be i was like flying so high like puffing out my chest be like oh my god but wouldn't you be more i would be nervous that

you're gonna disappoint you're gonna disappoint the goat disappoint daddy yeah no i don't think uh you're like you get off stage like like, yo, where'd Drake go? I hope he lives really long. That's a guy I want to watch get like super old. Drake? Yeah. He's going to be the coolest old dude. Yeah.

I think he will be. But I mean, time waits for no man, though. Even like Hef, who we thought was like the goat old dude and was like having sex with like 27 year olds. Like now all those 27 year olds are like 38 and are like he he was like a terrible dude i mean that was pretty clear he was coercing them somehow he was like dying like fucking a bunch of like you know there was something going on there when that came out i was like okay yeah yeah yeah obviously yeah he's old as fuck i thought he was tricking him with money but he was like manipulating him i mean imagine you're what seven years old and you're dealing with like

a 21 year old girl older than 70 he was like like mid to late 80s dude you have a century under your belt you could absolutely fuck a 21 year old chick's mind up with mine yeah just with your kinds of money and shit exactly these girls are doing it these girls are doing oh you'd fucking crush them dude i wouldn't even want to be why would you want to be around like that girls that age when you're that old because he had so many of them he was like probably sending them away and like also having sex with them yeah and it was his whole business dude it was this whole thing of like yeah i guess that makes sense tricking young girls into ruining their lives by being naked yeah yeah now at least they kind of like are the masters of their own demise with uh only fans and stuff like that. It's like they're tricking themselves into being naked. Kind of

cuts out the daddy aspect. The whole hef aspect. Yeah, but I mean, dude. He's powerless now. There's a lot of chicks who are doing it. They're pretty young and it's like, unless they're able to take shit down online, there's gonna be a lot of dudes who come across their mom's porn.

Like way over a lot. Or like their wife's porn. They're like, wait this true however that's not nearly dude that i think it's way worse than your mom what you're fat you're in a fat because you won't you won't know until you're in school and some kid comes up to me and so you're like yo i fucking was cranking down to your mom last night or you discover it you're in a fat hole dude dude that happened to the fucking all of a sudden you're just like who's the lady who was pregnant with like seven kids at once octomom yeah it happened i think it was eight what yeah i think it was eight kids i didn't know how many was it octomom dude his her her she did like a fucking porno at one point and uh her son was like beating off to it and is that

his mom like found out i mean i'm not judging my brother because you're in the middle of a fat pole dude you're just like what the fuck are you a young dumb mind you're on the brink of fapping obliteration dude you're gonna step back from that but it's also like you know your mom had sex like that's why you're here but like like seeing your wife having sex with some other dude i think in your defense ron it'd be easier to just close out throughout the laptop if it's your mom. Yeah. With your wife, you're talking about. I didn't know you were talking about your wife.

You're finding videos of your wife fucking other dudes. Yes, that's what I'm talking about. I thought you meant just the pictures and shit on OnlyFans. Yeah, like she had OnlyFans. You get married at 30, but when she was 18, she was on OnlyFans getting dicked down. That's worse, I think, than your mom having a porn affair. I still don't think it's close.

You're not going to marry your wife and be like, unless it's religious or some shit. Obviously, they've had sex. You don't know that other people are watching her have sex? I do, but I don't want to stumble across your mom. That's my mom. We're talking about Rome mom in every way totally agree

I mean I wouldn't like it I'd see that and go god damn it that really grinds my fucking gears yeah oh wait that would be that was your mom one of the points could be you dude literally yeah that one's mine I would I'd like to have that video

completely different emotions. Your conception. Dude, imagine getting charged up watching your conception in the morning. Yeah, really. You'd just get raptured. The moment I was watching,

I'm like, all right, I'm going to see your son and kill it today. What if it sucks? It's just some like drunk late night. No, that shows how eager you were to like

get out the nut. Yeah, it keeps you humble too. Stay humble. Yeah, i'd rather be that than like it took my dad 50 minutes yeah you're like fast forwarding through that just give me a second through the weird weird shit seem like the 45 minute porn videos it's like come on man you see that you're like knock it off dude who the fuck that shit ain't realistic 45 minutes no one's gonna be jumping jumping through I'd love to meet someone who sits through those

yeah that's crazy probably not probably wouldn't want to meet them well there's dudes who like who it'll be like a five hour engagement they're like time that they spend with their pornos

they'll like watch yeah I didn't know that's what like a majority of porn addiction was time watching I spend a lot of time picking a porn I would spend so much time

picking a perfect one yeah that's the best it does rule you're saying you're untouched the entire time or you're doing yeah how you're working you're jerking

off a majority of jerking off for me is while I'm looking for something to jerk off to it's the hunt yeah yeah you find what are you doing just finishing it like I'd be seconds

what you're just keeping it hard? Oh, yeah. You're saying edge, dude. You're waiting for the right thing to bust. The worst is when you go, whatever this will do, and it just didn't. And it sucks. That was a waste of time. Let me try again.

Run it back. I used to do that when I was younger. When I first started jerking off, I'd be like, I don't want to bust off, I'd be like, ah, whatever. I'd be like, oh, I don't want to bust you up. And I'd be like, ah, fuck it. I'll just do it again after this. And then I wouldn't. I would never do it again after.

Or while. I can't wait to do this immediately after. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, yeah, no. No, no, no. That was always my go-to. Get some calories in. Fuck.

Dude, well, I think that we got a good one in. Hell yeah, man. Appreciate you coming up. This was an absolute mitzvah to the folks. Thank you, man. I know you've been in here before, but we'll take a lap after this. You can try to look at some of our fat guys.

They're all gone. It's five. Oh, it's five? A while ago. Yeah, a lot of them are work babies too. A lot of fat guys are work babies. Oh, yeah. Like, I'm going to take a break.

Yeah. I'm supposed to get a break. To count every minute of it. It's like, get in there, you motherfucker. It's supposed to be a 15 minute break at 9 o'clock. Did I tell you I was taking it off on my birthday? I'm based on that one guy.

No, it's true. You're right. Go follow Matt. Matt writes books. Matt writes books on Twitter go listen to Matt and Shane's secret podcast subscribe to that Patreon

check out Stoner Dads too Stoner Dads new venture yeah fuck yeah check out the new Stoner Dads new venture but Matt and Shane's

is his mother business are you doing are you in Gillian Keeves are you in any of that stuff there so there I don't want to spoil it but I'm in one you're in one

yeah fuck yeah and is that coming out soon I don't know that's that'll be out at some you're in one yeah fuck yeah and is that coming out soon I don't know that's that'll be out at some point alright stay tuned for that as well

yeah that'll be sick any dates any dates stand up yeah I'll be in California I'll be in Irvine December 14th Chicago

I think November 19th and 20th hell yeah fuck yeah yeah go see Matt appreciate you coming in bro thanks man

good shit appreciate you that was awesome thanks man good shit appreciate you that was awesome yeah it was fun we went for a while a long two hours