Son of a Boy Dad - Son of a Boy Dad: Ep. 1 - How Many [insert animal]'s Could You Fight?

Episode Date: June 16, 2021

-- Sas & Rone decided the world could use another podcast with a couple of white guysYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, son of a boy dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. The littlest, the littlest pumpkin. The littlest, the littlest pumpkin. The littlest pumpkin. That wasn't that S-y. The littlest pumpkin. The littlest pumpkin. That wasn't that S-y. The littlest pumpkin. All Business Pete came in one time and told me that I had a cerulean S.

I didn't even know if it was a real thing. But he's like, you say your S's. He basically told me I have a speech impediment. And now I've been self-conscious about my S's ever since. My S's really rip off the fucking they really sing I saw a podcast one time where Riley Reed was keep on saying I saw a podcast it was a video it was video because that's how I saw it um Riley Reed was like sucking off the microphone that was a porn video that you know it was on Logan Paul's podcast I just seen the picture of it Like it's like a thumbnail

And I was always like oh Now I'm thinking I'm like that's disgusting Because of all the I mean the fact that it smells 400 people have used that podcast Microphone Yeah and the fact that it Spitting all over it

Yeah just gunky from people's mouths I'm sure she's done worse things though Yeah licking a butthole Like sucking penis Yeah like sucking a Like sucking cocks Sucking a licking a butthole yeah like sucking a like sucking cocks sucking a recently pooped butthole like a gang bang or a gang bang that's probably i'm sure she's banged gang it's like the most what's the most mild porn act that you can do i guess just vaginal plain old vaginal vaginal sex um so when a guy has a –

Are we just going? Are we going right now? Yeah, yeah, yeah. A son of a boy dad. Have you ever heard – remember when Kobe died? Yeah. And he was like, I'm a girl dad? Yeah.

And then everybody was like – then people who were out of touch. I think mainly Stephen Che was like, I'm a boy dad. But, like – You mean Kobe said he was a girl dad? Kobe said he's a girl dad because he's, like, taking back how cool it is. Because it used to be people, like, wanted to have a boy. Yeah. Everybody wanted to have a boy, but he's like, no, it's actually cool to have a girl.

And so he said, I'm a girl dad. And then some people who didn't get that he was trying to kind of take back being a girl dad were like, well, I'm a boy dad. And Stephen Chay was like the main one. So how are you a son of a boy dad? Everyone's a son of a boy dad. If you're a son, your dad was a boy dad. Oh, I get it. All right.

Well, the name of the podcast is going to be a son of a boy dad. Son of a boy dad. Every man is a son of a boy dad. It's very true. It doesn't make a ton of sense, but it also makes perfect sense. I think it makes plenty of sense. Did you see that pool on top of those two buildings? Yeah.

I thought that was really like, who cares that there's a pool between two buildings? Well, someone said something about capitalism and how it's like, oh, the poor people can't go on this pool. But it was like there was three people in the pool. It's also a glass-bottom pool that is above two skies. And also, I think the word skyscrapers, they were using that pretty loosely because you could see the bottom of the ground and it wasn't that high up. It was ten stories. Yeah, it was a ten-floor building. They called it a skyscraper.

They just call anything skyscrapers these days. They just fucking slap the title skyscraper on all things. But I would not want to swim in that pool. I've even, like, have you ever, like, in Chicago, you know how you can go to the, whatever used to be the World Series, or the fucking Sears Tower? Yeah. What's that called now? The Sears Tower. It's still the Sears Tower?

No, they switched names. No, I'm pretty sure it's still the Sears Tower tower i'm pretty sure that you haven't been there in a while why don't you i was there pretty recently get typing because i don't think it's the sears tower anymore oh it's called the willis tower now exactly like i said yeah that's a very high building but they have the little observation deck where you walk out and there's like glass underneath you i don't like that at all. Oh, yeah. That's like the eye in London.

What is it? What is that? What's the eye in London? The big ass Ferris wheel. Oh, yeah. Terrifying. You're just in a glass ball basically with like 15 other people and you're on it for an hour. Yeah.

I don't like Ferris wheels. I even at like a regular – like at Bonnaroo I went on the fucking ferris wheel at all it's terrifying and it shouldn't be because it's pretty fucking safe probably i don't want to be swaying i doubt it is a ferris wheel i doubt it's like incredibly safe but no one's actually dying on a ferris wheel no but also my body doesn't know that when i'm up there when i was up on top of the fucking building like on on top of this the willis tower on the observation deck you went on the you went to the willis tower and and stepped out and there's glass underneath you just like this pool it's just like a glass a glass thing that you look down this looks a lot more secure than the pool did the pool just looked like someone

just threw a sheet of glass like it looks like it's not sturdy like i don't know how that would be like how would the center of that be sturdy I don't know And there's so much water in it Like it's probably so heavy Dude when I was leaving When I was leaving Kansas City This trip that we went on My taxi driver to the airport

His daughter was an engineer in Kansas City And I was like that's an awesome job He's like not in Kansas City Cause there was like a bridge that they built inside In Kansas City at some hotel That just fell through And like 26 people died or some crazy shit like that. And it's basically the same architecture as this fucking pool between these two buildings. I mean, that shit's just going to crack one day.

Definitely it's going to crack. The three people in it are going to spill right through. I mean, there's got to be a certain capacity limit. Like imagine if there's just like 100 people in there. But do you think that that – I mean, they're floating. They're not even – they don't even weigh anything. No, it definitely adds weight, doesn't it? Does it?

It has to. I don't know. If you're floating, does it add weight? Or unless you do have to be standing there. I have no idea. I assumed it would add weight. I guess it does. I don't know.

You don't just turn weightless when you get in water. We need to talk to a fucking scientist, bro bro we need to get a fucking scientist in here that uh that kansas city airport really sucks why did you say that i feel like you just haven't been to a lot of airports recently and that was like a lot of airports recently yeah that was by far the worst denver logan o' Okay. All the airports in... LaGuardia, Newark, and JFK. LaGuardia, Newark, JFK, North Carolina, Tampa. List your grievances against this airport.

It's fucking tiny, and there was like one food shack, and it was like one of the ones that you skip by in normal airports. What was it? What did you go with? I had a sandwich, a pre-made sandwich. It's actually really good. So how is it that bad if you got a good pre-made sandwich? It was fucking packed. So it was just busy?

I felt like I was in, like, a stadium. No, because it wasn't even that many people there. There's just nowhere to sit. It's just a thin airport. It's very thin, and there's, like, two gates. Yeah, it's just the layout of it isn't— But apparently they're building a new one. They fucking better.

They are right now. It's in the works. That's what my Uber driver told me. Yeah. I knew my Uber driver. Because it's like such like a not like a popular. I mean, maybe it is very popular. I don't know.

It just seemed like a very dead area. But they were running their fucking mouse, these Uber drivers. Oh, no. But I was going to say, I was going to say like before I even ordered the Uber, I was like, I know this guy's going to talk to me the entire way. Dude, the entire time. Yeah, he talked the whole time my guy was talking about how he went into mexico to steal a plane that had been stolen to like he had to repossess a plane this guy was like a fucking he his job used to be he

flew broken planes so it's like you just wanted you wanted to die your your only wish was fucking dying what was your guy talking about he was just the i honestly thought he was gonna like kidnap me or something he was just talking about like the news and he's listening to like true crime on like the radio so like it was like while it was happening and he was like oh did you hear this story about uh like this some cop got killed or something and they like killed their daughter something like that oh no he was like he was like yeah this cop cop was going out mowing his lawn,

came back in, his two dogs ate his child. What? And I was like, no, didn't hear about that. He didn't need to hear about that either. Didn't check into the news.

And he's like, it's horrible. He's like, then they gotta put down the dogs. And I was like, this is such a strange conversation to be having. They ate his child? Yeah.

Fucking nuts to butt? Like, all the bones? No, I think they just killed it. They probably just... I was, I think they just killed it They probably just It was I think they were like pit bulls Or something I was gonna ask If they were pit bulls

Pit bulls get a bad rap But If they keep on eating If they keep on eating kids I don't know He was like And it's a shame Because you dogs get so jealous

And I was like I would be very surprised If the reason they ate the child Was because they were jealous Of the kid people do love to like be like oh like he's only making fun

of me because he's jealous or like she's only a bitch because she's jealous it's like no that's not that's not everyone's motive for everything it's like jealousy

is a sickness it actually is pretty crazy I didn't know that dogs would do that but I guess they do yeah I mean it is like a real thing

like I heard someone talking about I think it was Joe Rogan really really big joe rogan fan you watch his show you watch his podcast no um but i heard him once talking about how he was like saying that like it's crazy like how his dog could like kill him at any moment if he wanted to rogan thinks his own dog could kill him i feel like he's like a classic uh argue about how many or like wolves how many wolves could he fight? I feel like every fifth conversation.

My friends had that conversation after we listened to that. And we were saying like most dog spot could kill you. And then we were saying like do you think the rock could fight – could beat like a chimpanzee in a fight? And we were like no. Like maybe like one out of every like hundred times. How many – here's my hypothetical. I think those things just rip your dick off. Chimpanzees? I'm pretty sure. Oh, yeah. Your face, your dick and hypothetical. Those things just rip your dick off. Chimpanzees?

I'm pretty sure. Oh yeah, your face, your dick and everything. They play with you. My hypothetical in that same vein is how many times do I have to have the conversation about fighting monkeys before I kill myself? Do I have to have it like fucking a hundred times? Or like what is the threshold? I feel like every like uh it's like very like we're starting a podcast like so like monkeys fight monkeys against wolves godzilla against

king kong so that's very joe rogan that's very joe rogan type thing but i don't think i never thought about that and i thought i think a chimpanzee would be a pretty tough fight yeah yeah fuck but this is one one conversation closer to my own death. Rip your balls in half. Eat them. Spit them back out in your face. If you really want me to kill myself, we can have this conversation because I will. They'll rip your penis off of you, even like a small monkey, and they'll throw poop at you.

They'll rip your penis at you and throw your penis back at you. And eat it. And then eat it. They'll retrieve your penis and eat it. They'll fucking – Because they have human brains. Teach me, brother. Me and Owen went to a comedy show last night. The Stand? The Cellar? Where are we talking?

The Stand. Of course. Yeah. Ari Shaffir. Of course. Yeah. Big Lakers fan. Is he? Just like you, Rondo. You love fucking Rondo. He was talking about the Lakers? No, he has that whole thing with the Lakers. What is this thing with the Lakers?

With the Kobe. He said that he was happy that Kobe died. Oh. Yeah. Oh, fuck. He's not a very well-liked comedian. But it was fun. But he likes being not well-liked.

I think so. I think it's one of those situations. Yeah. Yeah. Like he does anything to stir up the pot. He might be another thing that every podcast does too. Talk about Ari Shafir. Or have him on.

I think that he was just like, yeah, I'll come on your podcast. We would definitely have Ari on. Shafir? Good guy. Good friend of mine. Friend of the pod. Tell one of his jokes. What was his best shit?

We'll just bleep out the punchline, but I just want to get a feel for it. I don't know. What was one of the – I can't think of any of them. Uh-oh. Can't tell it. It's not talking. He's not going to say it. I don't know.

I'm trying to think. I mean, there was – it was him, this Irish guy, Ireland. He was from Ireland. Irish people are funny. Now, that sounds funny. He was funny. He was the opener, and then are funny. Now that sounds funny. He was funny. He was the opener. And then there was this...

So it was him. It was the Irish guy. And then it was Artie. And then some girl. And then Artie came back on. Did another set. And then this other guy, Big J. Big J. Oakerson.

Big J. Oakerson, who was fucking hilarious. Yeah, that's... He's got a great podcast. Really? Legion of Skanks. He was fucking hilarious yeah that's uh he's he's uh he's got a great podcast really legion of skanks he was fucking funny yeah he did all crowd work the entire time that's a fun he might be a philly dude it seemed like he might have been we were saying he's a scumbag you got a scumbag feel from him no we were like that's something that roan could do like crowd work like that fuck yeah boys we did say that we were like i don't think anyone else could do that but he literally went on stage and like no well he didn't do any material the entire time.

Just all crowd work. That's very daunting. Yeah. Because what if it sucks? And it was by far the funniest. Like, by far. Like, everyone was fucking crying laughing. It's like jumping off of a fucking cliff.

You just have to like go in and start doing it. Like, what if there was a shitty crowd? Yeah, what if they're just like... I'm sure that happens all the time. Then you'd probably just do material, if that was the case. Or, but like, what if everyone was so average looking that Yeah, what if they're just like – I'm sure that happens all the time. Then you'd probably just do material if that was the case. Or, but, like, what if everyone is so average looking that you, like, can't roast them? Can't make fun of them. There was, like, a guy with one leg.

He was getting it bad. Peg, Eileen. What do you call them? He asked if he ever fucked anyone with the other leg. No, with, like, the half leg. If he shoved the half leg up there. Yeah, that's what he was asking. And it doesn't give it away because that guy's probably not at every show

Unless he puts the people in the crowd To do crowd work That would be very strategic That would be strategic as fuck One time I went to a tiny comedy show in New York And they were like It was like a small room But there was a lot of people in there

Not one of the main places Not a popular or touristy place and they asked everyone in the crowd like raise your hand if you're not a stand-up and uh i was the only person that raised my hand i think it's just all stand-up comedians all going to each other's shows yeah i think that if i've heard that about like open mics it's like you go and you the jokes don't do well and then it's like because half the people in the crowd are like angry comedians who like are just like thinking about their set and just like uh enviously bitter about everybody else that's uh that's going on up there was uh when we this guy's not fucking funny he's not funnier than me yeah when we were pulling up there was a girl it must have

been an open mic because there was like three people in the crowd and this one girl and the microphone was loud like we could hear it like around the block and we were like walking over and i was like i was like is this like out is this an outside show and we pull up and it's like this one girl doing a show to like three people and there's like feedback on the mic and so hard damn so bad and like and like her friends were i think her friends must have been in the crowd laughing and then everyone's waiting out everyone's like waiting in line to go into the ari shafir show so everyone's like standing there and it was like it was getting a free show it was like almost like unbearable like i had like i was like cringing so hard like owen texted me he was like we should leave it was that bad one thing that i i will do at comedy shows is if it's not going well for

someone or if it's not a great crowd is i'll just like i'll put the whole crowd on my back and I'll laugh for everybody I'll put the squad on my back all together and I'll be like fucking the most engaged person like cause I just

I can't I can't stand feeling like that person's having such a bad time especially cause I'm not reacting in the way that

they want to so it's a very like people pleasing like pussy move by me but I'll be like. I'll like squeeze a laugh out of my fucking. What do you think about when like the comedian brings up like a notebook with them?

There was a lot of that last night. And I think that that's. Ari Shafir brought up a notebook. And I think that that's kosher. I think that that's fine with comedians. But the first time you see it, it's jarring. It's like, wait a second. Yeah, you're not supposed to be doing that.

You don't. You didn't prepare? Yeah. You don't prepare? Yeah. You don't know this shit? I think it was like new material that he had in his tiny little notebook. But I guess it's not being better than – I tried to swipe it off the stage. Crack some jokes.

I didn't take these jokes myself. You should have taken it and written a couple down, slid them back up. Let me see that. Let me see that. You could use a couple of these, shouldn't you? Just go through my drafts. It's weird that they all – That was my first time going to a real comedy show,

and it was weird how they all acknowledge when a joke doesn't do well. They were all like, oh, that one sucked. Oh, we lost the crowd. And then that will get a little bit more of a laugh. But the fact that everyone does it every single time. Yeah. I guess – They all were doing it.

Cut that one. Yeah, except the last guy. Scratch that one out. Because literally everything he said was the funniest thing I've ever heard in my life. He had good-ass momentum on you? Oh, dude, it was like my face hurt after because I was laughing so hard. Really? Yeah, just like 15 minutes of just constant laughter.

Did you slap your knee? Oh, I think I actually did do a traditional knee slap. I leaned forward and slapped my leg. You threw your head back and laughed? It was like an actual – like it was like a real-time knee slap. You catch yourself knee slapping in the middle of it. It's just like a good old honest knee slap. Yeah, it was a good time.

But when someone starts like – it is like a downhill game. Like if someone starts being funny and you're like – you have it in your mind that they are funny and you have lost the awkwardness, then they can really say anything. It must have got you in the palm of your hand. But watching everybody,

the other people eat shit makes me wonder why you still want to try and do that. Me? Yeah. Oh, because I don't think anyone really ate shit that bad except for that woman no she didn't you just said that it was the most uncomfortable thing that oh oh the woman outside i like you meant the lady that was uh that was like in the actual show yeah she was terrible but i think it was probably just something to do like she wasn't funny yeah unlike me fucking

hilarious but it's like do you think i mean there's got to be funny people who try stand-up and it just doesn't work for them yeah i could see that i mean i i don't like want to say it's easy but it's like it i mean obviously it's a craft it's like a yeah it also seemed like a lot of them were like very step like a lot of the jokes that people were making aside for the last year again were very like stereotypical like stand like jokes that you would think a stand-up comedian would like what like what kind of like talking about airplane food and shit like sex it's all just about like sex like oh like what's up with sex these days dating during the pandemic yeah exactly oh i was locked in the house with my wife for a year like ari or i think it was no it wasn't

i fear it was the first guy had a joke and he was just like talking about wanting his wife's like shaver legs or something some shit like that, yeah. Yeah. How much did you guys pay for the ticket? Oh, it was only $20. Okay, that's not a bad deal. Yeah, it was fun. But apparently we can't go back ever again on Tuesday because he's just going to be doing the—

he said he's going to be doing the same material every time. That always felt like kind of a fucking cheat code to me. Yeah, we talked about that. That you get to just do it again. I don't think so because he's—they're like, oh, it needs work. Like, they're going to change it up a bit or something. Yeah, but I mean I guess he's going to keep on trying. I don't know.

Just go back to the notebook. Just learn your shit, dude. Yeah, perfect it. See, I would never do a joke. I don't think I would ever do a stand-up joke that I hadn't tweeted before. I tweet all my ideas before I make them until I put effort into them. I saw Brandon Wardell doing stand-up one time, and he had done – he just said one of his tweets from that day. It was just a fresh tweet that he had just cranked out, and it did way better online than it did in the building.

I hate to tell you that, but online it crushed, and in the building maybe like – Yeah, he used to be pretty big in the stand-up world. Or he still is and in the building like maybe like is he yeah he used to be uh pretty big in the in the stand-up world or he still is big in the stand-up world i meant in the twitter world yeah what happened he just i don't think he tweets a lot anymore are you worried that that's gonna happen to you i don't tweet that much anymore fuck and you and you deleted tiktok i posted tiktok today okay what do we. What were we talking about? It was an old video that I made. Reposted it. Yeah, just get a little.

You have to generate. Just get the transaction. Yeah, just get the transaction. Remind the algorithm that you're there. Just let them know you're there. Just a tease. We need to have some fucking sweet fucking camera setups for this. Like in our face, an editor fucking chopping back and forth.

Fucking zoom-ins, avant-garde zoom-ins. Like just a random shit. I feel like the idea of having like an actual cameraman filming a podcast is weird. Like it should just be a still camera the whole time. Yeah. Because I mean – Like pans and zoom and zooming in and shit. But that kind of could be funny though.

It could be just like real wacky. That would be weird as fuck. Yeah, it would because you're sitting still the entire time. Yeah. You're in frame. Yeah.

But a moving podcast that could be fucking avant-garde. It's probably a thing. It's definitely a thing. Indian run? Native American run? On a podcast?

Did you have to do those for golf? No. I've never even heard of that. Really? Yeah. Sounds like something even heard of that. Really? Yeah. Sounds like something they would have taken out of the school programs. When people are running in a line, and then the person from the back of the line has to go to the front of the line.

Oh. And then the person from the back of the line has to go to the front of the line. It's like a little sports team, like your soccer team. I've never seen that. It sounds like a good idea, though. A little sprint. Yeah, you've got to get to the sprint. You know what I mean?

Change the pace. Follow the line leader. Get the heart rate up. Get the heart rate up a little little sprint. Yeah, you got to get to the sprint. You know what I mean? Change the pace. Follow the line leader. The heart rate up. Get the heart rate up a little bit. That's what you have to do. Hit leg day again today. Yeah? Yeah.

So, I know you didn't. I didn't. I went to the gym yesterday. The squat rack was being used. Decided I'll give it another month. Someone curling on that thing? No. Some dude was doing rows.

On the squat rack? Yeah, which I do that that so i can't get mad but i don't know when the squat rack's being used it's like i'm not gonna just stand there and i'll do anything so of course i hit chest again and now i'm gonna go today and probably hit chest again i mean yeah six days a week yeah Yeah. Incline, decline, flat. No, I'm a big cardio guy these days. Why? Because you still can? Because I still can.

Yeah. I don't do actual cardio. I do the incline treadmill. Because you saw on TikTok somebody saying that it burns more calories than, like, jumping back and forth over a bench? Yeah. Yeah. Because it fucking does. Yeah, I do too.

I do too. It's awesome too. It's, like, hard. Like, once you get up to, like, 20 minutes, like, you're fucking sweating a lot. But it's, like. Yeah, I do too. It's awesome too. It's like hard once you get up to 20 minutes. You're fucking sweating a lot, but it's not like running. Running fucking sucks. And it's just bad on your joints, bad on your knees, bad on your back. Not for a young buck like me.

Yeah, that's what I said, because you can still do cardio. That's what I mean. Maybe for an old buckaroo like yourself. An old head like myself, an OG in the game. I've been running for fucking, bro, I mean, I used to do 10 milers, brother. Did you really 622 split the most i ever did was um six miles and it was last year in the beginning of the pandemic bro you must have been wheezing i was dead yeah you're too you're too tall to run

no i don't think so ah you're too tall sorry brother thing is it what isn't usain bolt like 10 feet tall? But he's a sprinter Do you ever see a really tall person running? It's actually hilarious Well yeah because they're like flopping all over the place Yeah they look like Jar Jar Binks I don't think I'm that level of tall

You have some ganglity You need to hit the gym for another year before you can run You need to beef out before you can run You don't want to be tall and skinny running Because then you're just taking the easy way out You're just doing cardio because you can run. You need to beef out before you can run. You don't want to be tall and skinny running. Because then you're just taking the easy way out. You're just doing cardio because... I don't really care if I get big, though. I just want to be shredded.

I want you to be shredded, too, bro. I want to be vascular. What you need to do is, in the mornings... I want to look like a dick all over my body. Does it look like a hard penis? Veins bursting out of every part of my body. That's the only part of me that's veiny is my penis. Actually, the front of my thigh.

The front of my calf always gets a random vein. I don't see any veins under the front of your calf. I need to do a couple toe-ups. I used to have a good bicep vein. Shut up. And I got leaned down. How do you vein up, bro? We need to have a fitness coach. Billy Football is a fake fitness coach.

I know. I don't want junk science. He brought us to the gym for that whoop thing, and we were doing just shenanigans. He had me doing squats with 25 pounds on the bar. I was like, brother, throw the 45s on here. What are we doing? I'm going to put the 45ss on get my form a little bit worse real squat exactly i actually have perfect squat form i believe that impeccable i believe

that i it's the one thing that i pride myself in even though i barely squat when i do it's like spine is straight and asses to the floor has anyone ever told that to you have you ever had someone come up to you at the gym no but i did have one guy come up to me at the gym when I was curling, and he was like, great form. He's probably trying to fuck me. He definitely was trying to fuck you. It's like most people have good form while they're curling. It's one of the easier ones to not fuck up. Yeah, it's pretty.

Unless you're like swinging with your back. Pretty straightforward. But you weren't swinging with your back. No, I was locked in. I saw a guy the other day at the gym who was curling in the squat rack, and he was just all. He had 45s on the side. He was my size, just throwing his back into it. I'm like, dude, you're not doing anything for yourself.

You should have told him. I went up to him. I was like, dude, let me show you a thing or two. You should have put your body up behind his body like a plank of wood. I remember the faces of guys who have come up to me in the gym and like suggested – because they're never like in that good shape themselves. They're just like a month ahead of you. They're like a second grade teacher. It pisses me off because like I'm not like big, so it's like people assume that I don't know anything about the gym.

But it's like I've been lifting for a really long time. Like I know – I know like enough. I know what to do. I'm just not doing it. No, I do the right shit. I just don't eat enough. But it's like I had a – last year at the gym at school it was like everyone in there was just a fucking like they were all on steroids i'm assuming they were all

college gyms are pretty jack they were fucking huge dudes are jacked everyone was on these two guys had legs like i'm assuming like bigger than like shaq's legs it's bullshit they find out they're like science majors it's like you're in biology and you're jacked they had normal upper bodies and then their legs were like seven times the size of my legs. They would be like on the leg press doing like over 1,000 pounds. Yeah, their dads must have been assholes. Yeah. There's no doubt in my mind that their dads had them like squatting as 13-year-olds.

They only did legs. They do legs like five times a week. Stunted their growth probably. Probably. No, they were big guys. One of them would come to the gym in like a flannel with cut off sleeves and just do legs every day. I'm dying to see a guy take his shirt off fully in the gym and like just film himself. I've never seen that.

I haven't either. I think there's like weightlifting gyms where people do that. Where you can't – or it's like – Where people – because on all the videos on Instagram and shit that I see on my Explore page, no one has a shirt on. And I'm like I would love to just be getting reps in with no shirt on. Yeah, or just being around a bunch of dudes with no shirt because I assume that the testosterone is just in the air and you can just kind of breathe it in just get like everything's all sweaty and gross secondhand smoke of testosterone I have a question though sass are you still planning on um taking a

writing class oh no well I did and I just like dropped it really yeah when was it uh earlier in the year or earlier in like a couple months ago probably a couple months ago i thought you just were recently saying like you're trying to like get a writing class in or like go somewhere for a writing class and you did and it sucked i did and i dropped it because i was like well this is dumb why well it was just like i was just like i was like doing it was like a sketch comedy writing class at DePaul, and it was online. And then I realized that it was like three hours on Thursday nights you could go to the class. And then I'm like submitting sketches that I already wrote. I want to do it.

I'm asking because I want to do it too. I want to take a class too. I would be down to take one. Like Corey said, like the producer said one, that they have them at like comedy club. Like you can take like writing classes like at, like, comedy club. Like, you can take, like, writing classes, like, at clubs. I would love to. Like, I know Second City in Chicago, you can take classes there. And just take a, get in there to get a little class in or something like that.

Yeah, but also at the same time, I feel like, I don't know, I feel like when you think that deep into things, it usually doesn't go well. I know, fuck. But I'm trying to expand. I'm trying to get some classes in. I'm trying to just learn. Expand your horizon. I'm trying to take a fucking. Broadening your horizon. A merengue class. I'm trying to expand. I'm trying to get some classes in. I'm trying to just learn. Expand your horizon? I'm trying to take a fucking... Broadening your horizon?

A merengue class. I'm trying to fucking salsa dance. I'm trying to fucking learn how to cook, bro. I'm trying to take some fucking classes, bro. I'm trying to go to community adult college night classes or some shit like that. I wanted to take, like, writing classes just to, like, be better at, like, structuring shit. And, like, maybe... Like, I don't really...

I'm not really... I've never written anything, like, longer than, like, five minutes. So, like, I would like to be able to dip my feet in the water. Like a script? What is it when you say, like, interior fucking classroom or some shit like that? Like, how do you put the parentheses? What thing do you italicize? That's the stuff I want to learn in a fucking writing class.

Like, how do you space out a script? Like, where do you put everything so it just looks legit? Oh, that's pretty easy to figure out. Well, then fucking you teach me. I mean, you can, you have to get, like, a to get like a script program like cell text or some shit like that i use fade in and it's free and it literally comes with like it like you just press you click like scene heading and then action character parentheses dialogue like it's very easy very if you have one of those because i used to write scripts just on like google docs and i was like

this is what was what was one of them? I don't remember, but when I was in a script writing class last year, I did. Bullshit. And I would look at – I'd have a template up next to me, and then I was like, oh, apparently there's software for this. That's what my teacher told me. What was one of the scripts? I don't remember. I don't believe you.

I didn't write out scripts back then. Like about a toaster that lost its way or something like that? Like a fucking Rubik's Cube that escaped from a toy store or something like that? Shit like that, yeah. That shit would be fucking fire. Yeah. Like Toy Story 5 or 6 or something like that? Just get in on the Toy Story franchise?

Yeah, I would write some of those. I wrote the... The other day I wrote the sequel for... Revenant of those i wrote the the other day i wrote the uh sequel for revenant 2 i wrote the bear comes back and is just fucking up a town looking for leonardo dicaprio's fucking body i wrote the sequel for what is that oh um call me by your name because it came out on entertainment weekly put out a thing. It said, Call me by your name, Director Luca, I don't know how to pronounce his last name, says he's pretty much moved on.

Guadagino? Guadagino, I'm assuming is how it's pronounced. Guadagino. Is it Italian? I don't know. It says he's pretty much moved on from the sequel as he reunites with Timothee Chalamet

on a new movie. Shut up. So Chalamet's in, but Hammer's hammers out yeah unfortunately the eating people didn't go over well that's bullshit honestly because you would think it would play into a call me by your name uh like it's like it's taboo in the same way that call me by your name was uh a movie about the taboo the taboo my suggestion was that part two would just be like a short, be like a minute long. And it would be Timothee Chalamet and Armie Hammer out. Because I know that movie was very summer, very good summer vibes.

And it's like they're out maybe at a nice beach house backyard. Okay, okay. Grills roaring. Yes. Timothee Chalamet. What kind of beach house? Like a New York town? Maybe Cape Cod. I'm thinking more like Cape Like a New York town? Like Hamptons? I'm thinking more like Cape Cod.

Cape Cod, Hamptons type vibe. And Armie Hammer is on the grill. He's firing up the grill. Birds are chirping. Timothee Chalamet looks over to him. He's like, hey, what are you cooking? Hey, what are you cooking? And then Armie Hammer laughs and glazes over at Timothee Chalamet.

And then Timothee Chalamet's like, what's so funny? I just asked what you were cooking. And then Armie Hammer's like, I'm cooking you. Oh, fuck. And then it just ends. Oh, fuck. No way. That would be a great sequel.

Yeah, it would. And he just like deep fries his penis. Yeah. Yeah, he just rips him apart. Throws him on the queue. It's honestly the most romantic thing you could do. Yeah, just throw him in the egg grill. Just ball, like— Throws him on the queue. It's honestly the most romantic thing you could do. Yeah, just throw him in the egg grill. Just ball him up.

Throws him on the George Foreman. He's just stuffing his body into the grill. Just, like, jamming it in like a suitcase in the overhead compartment. Just, like, throwing his shoulder into fucking Chalamet's dead, crisp body. Like, it's Hansel and Gretel vibes. Yeah, I mean, it's pretty fucked up. That whole thing was crazy. Did you ever read the text, the messages with that? Why is it fucked up?

I mean, he was like, he's like a legitimate cannibal. Is he? Yeah. Or is he just like, oh, I don't think he's ever, oh no, he said that he ate a animal one time, I think. Like, he killed an animal and ate it. So, like, a hunter? So, like, everyone. So, basically, like, Rogan does. No. Because he said that.

How long did it sustain him for? How many weeks? There's like a thing of him. Like there's the messages. I think he said that he held the heart in its hand while it was still like beating and ate it. I think he ate the heart. Oh, that's so gross. There's no way he did that.

What is this? Apocalypto? He like held it in front of like the rabbit as it fucking. Look what I've done to you. And he ate the heart. And just fucking was like squirting it all of like the rabbit as it fucking, look what I've done to you. And he ate the heart. And just fucking was like squirting it all over like a gusher, just like spraying it down. So gross. That is absolute cap.

He's fucking lying to us. There's no way. He did it to seem hot to a girl. He didn't put out the message. I don't think he ever even spoke about it. What do you mean? Like he never came out. He said it to the girl.

He said it to a girl being like, yeah, I'll fucking. No, no. He said to the girl, but I don't like he never. Did he ever have a statement about it. What do you mean? Like he never came out. He said it to the girl. He said it to a girl being like, yeah, I'll fucking. No, no. He said to the girl, but I don't, like he never, did he ever have a statement about it? I don't think so.

Which is probably the, that's Kardashian, that's the Kris Jenner 101. Never let him see the tears. Never let him be sad about it. Just go out in front of the people, have a response and keep on pushing. Honestly,

they should have Call Me By Your Name Part 2 because of that. Because he handled it. So, they should have Call Me By Your Name Part 2 because of that. He handled it diplomatically. Beautiful job by him. I did something that I

am ashamed of. Yeah? I posted my Venmo to Twitter. Oh, really? Why? Yeah, because I want some money. I just want some money. I used to do that.

Yeah, that's what I mean. I was going to ask if you actually did that. Yeah, I did. You just said, can someone send me money? Yeah. Or I'm going on my bachelor party this weekend. Oh, let's go. When are you getting married? In July. Oh, let's go. When are you getting married? In July.

Oh, that's awesome. And I'm going on my bachelor party. Surprise me and the boys weren't invited. Well, it's... Are your boys from Kansas City gone? Yeah, they're going to be there. Or one of them is going to be there. The other one couldn't make it.

Which one? Mike. Well, they're both named Mike. Oh, yeah, true. The producer or the... The producer. He'll be there. But it's just so fucking expensive.

And they're all assholes. I've had to pay for and book everything. Oh, really? Like, you think at a fucking bachelor party that, like, your boys are going to be like, dude, we got this. Like, fucking just sit back. Like, they'll blindfold me and, like, take me in somewhere or some shit. And I just have had to book for everything.

I've had to pay for every, like, excursion. And I'm just fucking, they're assholesholes i'm just going fucking broke over here so i'm reduced to just asking them the and you went on vacation last week so you're really running up a check that's what i'm saying i'm running up a fucking bill right now and i'm trying to crowdsource this and yeah and uh see if the uh the internet maybe will like put put me on their back and um just like carry me to a good time because the fellas are leaving me in the lurch a little bit. I'm sorry to hear that. It's kind of fucked.

Maybe you could either A. Whip the boys into shape little sassy boot camp or send me some money myself or B. Send me some cash. I should ask Nick to send you some money. Honestly, I was about to. My second recourse was to enter a barstool game show

and sympathetically come in second and just look fucking real sad. Just like passive-aggressively pout until I get some cash. But I basically just panhandled. I busked for it. I just asked. I mean, I'm a person on the...

I tried to get the tips. I don't know. Do you have tips on Twitter? No, I don't think that's come out yet. Or for some people it has. It's like in beta. Has it? I don't know why they do that.

They just got to start dropping shit for everything. Yeah, what? Let me get tips. The verification thing too isn't out yet either, I don't think. I spent 15 minutes trying to get tips this morning. I was going to try to be more coy about it, but I was just fucking up front like, please just give me some money.

This shit is too expensive and these assholes might never give me the money. They're just going to let me foot a bill for a fucking party. I don't even think they want it to come. They probably want it to come.

They don't even want to fucking be there. That's why me and the fucking, the real boys, Owen and Sass, we hit up the rooftop. We have some of the interns over. Yeah, a couple beers.

The young fellas over. Rough up the interns a little bit. Have them come – yeah, staple their nuts to their legs. You know the fucking drill. I posted my – on my other account, my little Sam Squanch account, I used to have my – Is that how you pronounce it? Because I never hear it. Sam Squanch? Sam Squanch, yeah. Because I used to think it was Squanch. It pronounce it? Because I never hear it. Sam Squanch?

Sam Squanch, yeah. Because I used to think it was Squanch. It's a Trailer Park Boys reference. Shut up. Yeah. But I used to have my Venmo in my bio because I was like that kind of person. And I would be like – I was like a junior in high school, and I didn't have a lot of followers. But I'd be like going out for breakfast.

Can someone send me five bucks? And then like ten people would send me five bucks and i'll delete the tweet and i only did like three times but it was awesome how much money did you make total a couple hundred bucks oh on my birthday i posted it too i made like 400 pretty fucking good it's pretty good i think easy money i think that yeah just like asking people for money it's awesome it's just there was a guy a couple of a while ago who's big on the line, Joe Vaughn. Joe Vaughn. He used to – like he made a living by doing that.

That's crazy. He was like really big on like Tumblr, and then he like carried his shit over to Twitter, and he was like – he had like a cult fan base. He still does have a really big fan base, and he literally would make like 80K a year just by people sending him Venmos. It really is just like are you ashamed? Are you like – Do you have shame? They called him an internet beggar. And it's crazy. If you have the internet,

there's people who beg professionally and there's people who beg and do really well. People who just ask money, ask for cash on the street and some people cake. Some people don't do as well. Some people are caking up there so I said, let me try and cake with the boys. Let me see if they're caking up there so i said let me try and cake with the boys let me see if fucking if they're caking up let me try and cake up let me make a little

bit of money on it well but but your little sam squinch how much sam squinch yeah sam squinch sam squinch i mean you could look into having that be the social for this show for this show no we got to start from scratch from scrap but i mean it would be nice to have 130 what is it a hundred something hundred ten thousand ten head start that'd be a good head start yeah but i don't want to kill my account i know that's what's sad about it can you like split your account that would be awesome put into a horcrux if we're talking to harry potter terms um yeah well we'll start We'll make the social. What's the – we need a logo.

A little logo. Bless me. Seasonal? Beech trees, grasses, and mites? It'll be called – I think the social would probably be at son of a boy dad. Do you think anyone has that? Oh, Gaz will get it for us. We already talked to him this morning.

He could wrestle it away. You did talk to him? Yeah, he said it'd only take like 48 hours. Shut up. You talked to Gaz? Yeah, he said we need to get a, we have to make a social, and we have to get a logo. Yeah, we need to. Which by the time people are listening to this, there will be a logo and there will be a social.

And the at will be son of a Sam dad, so throw that a follow. Son of a Sam dad. And also while you're at it, make sure to send around $20,000 to $30,000 on Venmo. Yes, and I'll let the boys eat. We'll pass it out like loaves and the fishes. I'll go all straight to the pod. That's all going straight to the pod. Oh, yeah.

Well, you should get a Patreon. I know. I'm watching all these other podcasts, and they get Patreons. They are balling out. Yeah, they're fucking rolling it. You'll see a podcast that these people don't even like they're not even that

big. Like there's I saw these guys and I was like oh like I didn't even know these people had a podcast and then I click on their page on like 10 K a month.

It is like the oil rush. Yeah. People are in like fur coats and roll driving Rolls Royces off of their podcast. Yes. Patrion's.

And then and then it's crazy too because they don't like no one unsubscribe. You don't unsubscribe from a Patreon. You subscribe and then you're in for life. You agree to pay until your bank account runs out of money.

I subscribe to Tiny Meat Gang, which is Cody Ko and Noelle Miller's podcast on Patreon like four years ago probably, like when they first started it. And I listen to their bonus episodes a good bit, but like I have never unsubscribed. Yeah. And I never will. You can't. There's no reason to. You can't. It's five bucks a month. You have never unsubscribed. Yeah. And I never will. You can't. There's no reason to. You can't. It's five bucks a month.

You have to support them in perpetuity. I like to support my favorite creators. Sue me. Sue me. For five bucks a month. And honestly, hopefully someday someone pays it forward. Yeah. Hopefully someday someone looks out for Sass and they're like, I'd like to.

But I'm not in it for the money, though. Oh, no. No, this is strictly for just to get some shit off my chest. Creative vibe. I mean, once you're in that flow state, it's like fucking Serena Williams said. It just comes off the tongue. Yes, dude. Just a great flowing conversation.

That's truly the intoxicant of life. Traveling and good conversation are my vices. Yeah. Yeah, I might add that to the bio. Traveling and good conversation are my vices. Yeah. I might add that to the bio. Traveling and good conversation enthusiast. I fucking hate an enthusiast. My bio on the Barstow website is Twitter enthusiast. Is it really?

Yeah. I fucking hate an enthusiast. I'm not an enthusiast of anything. Who wrote yours? Myself. You did? Yep. So are we talking about a little irony with Twitter enthusiasts?

No, it was definitely real. You were enthusiastic about it? I was very enthusiastic about Twitter. But now you're unenthused. No, I like Twitter. I still think it's my favorite form of social media. It's better than fucking TikTok. That hell.

That hellscape. Yeah. That fucking bastion of negativity. I love going into the comments I hate the comments on TikTok that's why I deleted it I only said it because I know you hate the comments

I had to delete it what I do is I just don't go in the comments I mean they don't bother me because it's also I don't seek out things I don't like there's like burner accounts

on Twitter and Instagram but every single account on TikTok is a burner account bro don't you know that you are like what you eat like you are the stuff that you feed yourself well that's what they say but it's like I single account on TikTok is a burner account. Bro don't you know that you are like what you eat like you are the stuff that you feed yourself Well that's what they say but it's like I get shit on TikTok

that I would never have ever even like I guess because I look at the comments then it throws into the algorithm but it's I don't know The comments? You're in the algorithm or you're in the comments algorithm I'm a big comment guy They're giving you videos with like a lot of comments or like combative comments where people are pissed off at each other.

The algorithm is probably just jamming those down your throat. I'll be in the comments fighting back against people just not even on my posts. I guess I get so mad. And then the way that the comments read on TikTok too is it doesn't like – it doesn't like – it's all just one big conversation. So like you'll reply to someone, but then your reply will be like 400 replies under theirs. So then no one will know what you're talking about. Dude, for someone who's not on TikTok, you sound like – I'm not.

Like I don't – I haven't been on – I haven't had the app on my phone in like at least two months. You need to practice some TikTok discipline and just like sit it in front of you like when they put like a fucking – Because that's what I'll do, and then I'll be up at 4 in the morning, and I'll be like, oh, fuck. You ever see them put like a dog treat on like a dog's nose while the dog is just sitting there as like an act of discipline? Yeah, and then like licks it off their nose. Yeah, they need to like – but they don let it lick lick it off for like a while you need to have like the tiktok in front of you with the comments not open and just like show how disciplined you are you need to master that honestly i mean i oh yeah i don't know i just can't use that app yeah it's tough you're more of it you're a twitter man i'm a twitter man you're

enthusiastic about twitter twitter enthusiast even though there are people who are bigger on Twitter at Barstool. Who has more followers at Barstool than you? Dave, Big Cat. Dave, Big Cat. PFT? PFT. Alex Cooper. Coop. Coop.

Classic back and forth. But by the time you're her age, you'll have as many as her. Maybe. How old is she? 20. 20? I think she's 20. 20 yeah she's 20 or 40 and nothing in between uh who else k kfc you can't see you're probably about neck and neck now kfc's got i think a good bit more than me yeah you're and then who who else who am i forgetting a lot of people the chicklets guys oh. Oh, yeah. Hockey guys.

Those fuckers. Those fucks. When they met you, they're like, Sass is a ball buster, isn't he? That fucking guy. Those guys are hilarious. That fucking guy, Sass. Those guys were – I don't really know them. I didn't really know them that well.

I follow them on Twitter. I obviously know of the podcast and of Pink Whitney. Fucking Pink Whitney. I love that shit. I know a little bit about that yes yes but they were fucking hilarious like i like right off the bat you could just like tell if they were gonna be like funny guys and they were really funny like the stream was so fun with them hockey guys do have a good about yeah like a nice positivity about them

and like fun good jokingness i would never probably never do a stream like i would never want to do a stream but that one was really fun um who who do you think what what type of sport has the least funny athletes do you think football probably and probably like lacrosse or baseball you think there's any funny lacrosse dudes no just judging off of personal experience one of of my best friends played lacrosse in high school. And he's just super unfunny? No, he's funny. But then he quit.

And he was also kind of anti-lacrosse. Really? You don't think there's some guys in lacrosse that were just... We hated that he was on the lacrosse team. Because of the connotation? Dude, they would get roped into shit. It was like senior night out. It was like the big senior... Or it was like graduation day we graduated and we're all like oh dude like we're

out of high school like we're gonna go to our friend liam's house and we're gonna like all yeah hang out there it's gonna be a great day and he's like we have he's like we have practice tonight like their coach made them have practice so that they wouldn't be able to go out and they were like the coach was like it's gonna be a great time we're gonna have like pizza under the lights it's like no one wants to fucking hang out with going to be a great time. We're going to have pizza under the lights. It's like no one wants to fucking hang out with the lacrosse team. No one wants pizza. We need to retire pizza as like a bribe. It's like I'm about to move, but bring a 30 rack and some pizza

and you can do six hours of manual labor for me. It's like fuck you. So then he had to come at like 1 a.m. when practice ended. That's hilarious. Yeah. I remember I had my – And on graduation day, we were all smoking cigars, like, because, like, that's what you do. That's what we did on graduation.

Like, everyone worked on the—whatever. We would smoke cigars. We all had cigars. He wasn't allowed to because apparently a couple years ago, some kid from, like, one of the towns over, like, went to our graduation and took photos of the lacrosse kids smoking cigars and, like, sent it to, like, the high the high school sports, whoever's in charge of that, and they all got suspended from the playoffs. No way.

Yeah. He was just like a minor league snitch. He was just like, I'm thinking of going pro and snitching. Because they were playing our team in the States or something like that. Oh, it was the opposite team. Yeah, it was the opposite team. Dude. There was a kid in my high school who snitched on his own team.

He was the crew team manager. Oh, that happened at our school a lot too. All the crew kids went out drinking, and he told on them. For the whole rest of his high school career, he was ostracized. Then when he was in college, he got a prostitute at a hotel, and he slit her throat. Not to kill her, but he was an ENT, so he knew how to not cut the jugular, and he made up a story about someone coming in and doing that.

Wait, wait, wait. So he just did it because he's insane? Because he's insane. Oh, I thought you meant he was trying to save her life or something. No, no. There was some kind of confrontation, and he's fucking insane, and it all stemmed from him snitching on the crew team in high school that's crazy it's tough there's like news stories about

the kid he's probably in jail now that's fucked should i say his name nah i should is that giving him is that giving him good publicity good publicity and credit or is that uh what's his name just say his name joe vignola dude fucking joey vignola, dude. That fucker. That piece of shit. Jesus. For snitching and also for slitting that prostitute's throat. Snitching was probably worse. But slitting a prostitute's throat just rolls off the tongue. That's some American psycho shit, like killing a homeless person. Yeah, it is very –

Have you ever seen that TikTok? I've never seen the actual TikTok, but it's like a screenshot, and it's it's this girl and she's like if you were a serial killer like what would your signature move be she's like mine would be killing so killing homeless people and sewing their mouths shut who said that so i'm like young girl what the fuck i know that's not you don't get to pick a signature move like it's your superpower of invisibility like they all meet they all like join together and they're all like oh this is normal. That's a normal thought. I remember seeing one, and it was like, oh, my God. So depressed, haven't brushed my teeth in one month.

That's not normal. No. Find the strength. Yeah. Because it's not that deep. Yeah. It's not that hard to brush your teeth. It's not.

No one wants to be around you with that stank breath. And to fucking brag about it. It's like you're doing it for the clout of having dirty mouth. At least pop some fucking Orbit in there. Imagine not brushing your teeth for a month. That's some shit that like, that would be like an experiment. You don't, you don't,

you don't. Did you say spearmint? Spearmint. But you put spearmint and experiment. I accidentally threw a mint in. Cause that, like, and you don't recover

from a month of not brushing. I know. When I was younger, I didn't brush. You did? When I was really young. Oh, you must have been depressed, brother. Fuck, man. I'm know. When I was younger, I didn't brush. You did? When I was really young. Oh, you must have been depressed, brother. Fuck, man.

I'm sorry. When I was in elementary school, I was a one-a-week kind of guy. Really? I was like, I don't need to. I think in fifth grade was when I started because I went to a private school. Had to those days. You had to start brushing again? Go check your teeth before you went into class.

Oh, yeah. The nuns? Yeah. They whip your ass. Yeah. They whip your ass if you didn't brush good. It wasn't a Catholic school. Just regular private? Oh, yeah. The nuns? Yeah. They whip your ass. Yeah. Whip your ass if you didn't brush good. It wasn't a Catholic school. Just regular private?

Just regular private. Just regular, just run-of-the-mill rich shit. Not even under the guise of, like, loving God or anything like that. You're just, like, straight up, like, we have wealth. Going to a private school in fifth grade

is the dumbest thing that you can do as a person. Why? Because there's just no point. Everyone thought I was, like, everyone thought I had something wrong with me because you didn't brush your teeth no like yeah he's depressed i thought i had something wrong with me because i like was doing horrible in school and shit but it was like i just didn't like school probably like i was on i was on adderall i was on five ends concerta yep stratera all of this shit probably i took everything they made me try everything

I was like a little test dummy Yeah same And he was like I just didn't want to do my homework So dramatic Like no one wants to do homework Doesn't mean you gotta Lace me up with

15 different drugs Have this amphetamine Yeah My mom was like Yeah the Adderall's Kind of making him Like a little flat With the personality

And he was like We're probably gonna have to Put him on some antidepressants Like or just take me Off the Adderall's kind of making him a little flat with the personality. And he's like, we're probably going to have to put him on some antidepressants. Or just take me off the Adderall. I didn't take him off the antidepressants. No, he's not doing his geography. He's not filling out his map. He's like, bitch, I can look up the map. Why is it a whole class on the fucking map?

I know. KB would be defending that. KB is a map guy. He's a map enthusiast. And he actually is a map enthusiast. Big time. Super corny to be enthusiastic about anything. Nihilism.

Nihilism. That's my fucking speed, bro. Yeah. Me and Bukowski, we fucking love. You've been reading lately? Yeah, I had a great reading day the other day on Monday. On Memorial Day. On Memorial Day. On Memorial Day.

I had a long weekend. It rained all weekend. I didn't want to go out, but it's just like there's nothing to do. Like, what do you do in New York when it's raining or besides go out? GTA. I don't have a fucking PlayStation because it got stolen. Fuck, bro. You need to get a PlayStation or get it on your phone.

Can't you get GTA on your fucking – No, I'm not going to play GTA on my phone. Why? Because that's, like, embarrassing. I just downloaded, like, a goddamn NBA Live on my phone because I've been on – Oh, you've got to delete that shit. I've been on so many flights recently that I'm like – I need – the Wi-Fi goes out on every third flight that I'm on.

Stop. Start reading. All right. All right. You've got to get a book in your hands, brother. I'm trying to. I buy fucking – I buy a book at every airport I go to And I fucking just never

Cause there's no You're not gonna get a good book at the airport Alright bro You need a You ever read On the Road? Kerouac? Kerouac yeah Of course bro

It's a good one Of course Good book to live through Oh yeah Well the Kristen Stewart movies I didn't watch that I heard it's bad But I mean

It's not as good as the fucking book. Kristen Stewart was on SNL, right? No, that's Kristen Wiig. Kristen Wiig. Wrong Kristen. Classic. But both were the K-R, I think. I think they spell it with the same.

Yeah. No C-H. No C-H. None of that bullshit. Kristen. But, yeah, you're right. I'm down to start cracking book. Like, I will crack book, but I just need to be put onto one.

I think I might like fucking – I think I might like things that aren't fiction. I might like fucking real stories. Oh, yeah, probably. I want to just see what someone else's – I don't think the books that I read are – like, I mean, I guess they are fiction technically. There's just something about reading, like, a fucking story that came out of someone's brain that I think is just... I don't know if it's soft or it's just like fucking... I'm not just trying to live out someone's fantasy.

Someone's well-developed fantasy that they put pen to paper. I don't know. I think that there's... I fucking spent too much time fucking in the gym to do shit like that, bro. Maybe you should just write a book instead. Self-help? Write your own story, bro. Self-help?

I could fucking put some self-help. I really want to write a fucking calendar. self-help write your own story bro self-help I can fucking put some self-help I want I really want to write a fucking calendar a fucking a something a day calendar where you like rip off and there's like some

some new like maybe it's like inspiration or like a fucking Sudoku or some shit like that you ever have one of those I think Tommy has one on his desk Tommy has one

it's trivia oh it's like a yeah Jeopardy yeah or something like that yeah that would be a good one write a calendar there's like joke ones yeah but or something like that. Yeah, that would be a good one. Write a calendar.

There's like joke ones. I mean, who fucking, a joke a day? Come up with one TikTok a week. I know, right? A fucking joke a day? Joke a day is pretty intense. People just used to write jokes. You ever crack like an old Playboy and like look at the jokes that they, there's just like a page of jokes in every single Playboy.

Yeah, I think I've looked at – I think – doesn't Frank – I think Frank the Tank has a joke book on his desk. Or he used to, I think. He's definitely the type of dude to like use the jokes from his joke book. Yeah, like the Nickelback one. It's definitely a joke book joke. An online – like you went online and like typed in jokes. Yeah. Like 50 jokes to impress your friends.

I'm about to learn some jokes. But yeah, I need to learn some goddamn jokes. I mean, it was always cool when someone could like tell a joke. Yeah, definitely. Could you think you could tell a joke? No. I always think about that always cool when someone could tell a joke. Yeah, definitely. Could you think you could tell a joke? No, I always think about that. Like, oh, tell a joke. Like, I don't have a joke to tell.

The only joke that I ever think of when people say that is from Good Will Hunting when he's like, I was on an airplane the other day and the pilot came over the intercom accidentally and he was like,

man, I need a cup of coffee and a blowjob. And then the flight attendant ran up to like tell the pilot that his inter that the intercom was on he was in someone in the back yelled don't free up the cup of coffee that's the only joke i ever think of because that's like a joke joke that's like a that's like a quick joke yeah it is a true true joke like how do you even practice telling a joke i feel like if you're, if you like,

I mean, there's like comedians, who was the comedian that we were watching that does only one-liners? Dimitri Martin? Yeah. Who was the other one,

the old one? Mitch Hedberg. You ever see Mitch Hedberg stand up? Yeah. That's all one-liners. Yeah. Like, all joke jokes.

But they're also all, like, incredible. Yeah. They're also all, like, the funniest, fucking, like, wittiest thing. He's just sitting there just, like, ripping off one, like, ripping one-liners. Yeah. Like, all jokes. But they're also all, like, incredible. Yeah. They're also all, like, the funniest fucking, like, wittiest thing. He's just sitting there just, like, ripping off one-liners the whole time. And that seems way harder. You have to remember every one of them.

There's no, like, pace or momentum to it. Or I guess there is a pace to it, but it's, like, a slow pace, and it's just, like, you say your one and fucking rip off another. And they're all funny. Yeah, a little misdirection. Yeah, those are great. He's funny. A little misdirection. Yeah, those are great. He's funny. A little misdirection.

But, like, reading a joke in a joke book, do you think that those people, like, say it to themselves? Yeah, laugh is a great question, too. But, like... I've never laughed at one of those. Do you laugh on your phone? Oh, I'll get tweets sometimes, yeah. Like, you'll see someone's tweet,

and you'll just, like, laugh out loud to yourself? Yeah, I mean, if I have any, like, really... If I have any tweets that I think are, like, really fucking funny, I'll let out a really big laugh. But that's a very rare occasion. Scroll through your recent likes. I'll look at my bookmarks. That's what you do, bookmark? Yeah.

About shit you want to revisit? It's usually like... Shit you want to revisit? It's usually like... Like Zach Fox tweeted, I like to dab a little coochie juice on my wrists and rub it in like it's a perfume sample. That is funny. And you laughed out loud at that? Yeah, probably when I saw it.

How many haas did you give off? With the written word, it's hard to get that many ha's out of me. I might be more of an intonation guy. I'm a big written guy. Oh, my phone died. Oh, fuck, bro. Fucking shit. Bro, it's 3.33 in the afternoon. Your phone's already dying.

That's the devil's hour. Shit. Well, halfway. Halfway there. Halfway to 6.66. It's like in The Conjuring. The clock stops at 3.33 in the afternoon. Your phone's already dying. That's the devil's hour. Shit. Well, halfway. Halfway there. Halfway to 6.66. Oh, it is. It's like in The Conjuring. The clock stops at 3.33.

Are you serious? Yeah. That's fucking creepy. Have you ever woken up at 3.33? Holy shit. I don't think I ever have. I, one time, was driving

home at 3.33 in the morning. Say again? Late night. Shut up. Bro. That's a bad omen. That's fucked up. What if it happens again? Late night. Shut up. Bro. That's a bad omen. That's fucked up. What if it happens again?

Oh, no. You have to kill yourself. Yeah, you'll have to kill yourself in solidarity. Are they building another World Trade Center next to the other one? No, they're not. I think that they're building something else down there. They're not building another Twin Towers. They're building a twin.

Take that fucking back right now. They're building another twin to the towers. No, they're not. I think that they're giving it a buddy. There's no way that's happening. Maybe they're going to make an extension to the regular World Trade Center. An extension? What, like a ponytail?

They're not going to build another set of ponytails. Like how when people have a dog and they get their dog like another dog friend. I mean, I guess they could. They're building a companion tower. There's no way they would be able to pull that off again. A scheme, a heist of that level. Someone somewhere is like,

okay, take that as a challenge. Fucking PewDiePie. Fucking PewDiePie is probably going to want to PewDiePie's fans. Yeah, taking it as as a challenge. Fucking PewDiePie. Fucking PewDiePie is probably going to want to PewDiePie PewDiePie's fans. Yeah. Taking it as a fucking

challenge. I said we couldn't fucking. People are still mad that I said that about that. I said that on the act that PewDiePie was a Nazi.

Yeah. I get DMs about it still. I got one yesterday because I said the thing about the girl from the office which like I didn't like I don't even remember what I said. I was just like oh yeah you see the shit about the girl from the office and she's and, I didn't, like, I don't even remember what I said.

I was just like, oh, yeah, you see the shit about the girl from the office? I think you said she's in the KKK. Which she's not. I was wrong. She isn't. See, look at that. You said you're wrong. Yeah.

I mean, I'm able to admit when I'm wrong, which is very rare. And that's real as fuck of you. But that's just the real, that's how you know. That's how you know to take everything dead serious. Owen, are you seeing if they're building World Trade another one to get to the bottom of this? Because I think that's an actual true fact that they're pairing it up. Owen, pull up that video of the plane hitting the tower. Do we have this?

Can someone pull that up? Get the clip. Does someone have the clip? There's going to be five. Five twin towers? They're probably building like five sets of twins? Or just one set of five? They're building four around the current one that they have, like a force field.

That's pretty cool. That would actually look sick. It's a quintuplet tower. Yeah, dude. Exactly. Imagine trying And if they're all fortified They'll better go home Like a big strong tree

It's like a fucking oak tree Like a fucking redwood A fucking super wide base Just a big strong Strong sequoia Of a fucking Of a bunch of towers together That's like

Try and fucking run a plane That's some star That's some shit That you'd see in Star Wars Five towers Five towers All next to each other Would with one in the middle. All next to each other?

Would one be in the middle? No, because I think there'd have to be six, right? The way that I'm thinking of. Are you thinking of a line? I'm thinking of four around one, like a box in one. That would work. That would work. Just like a square around it.

A square and then one in the middle. It would be cooler if it was like a stop sign. How many is that? One, two. I think eight. Eight. It would be cool if there was eight and then one in How many is that? One, two. I think eight. Eight. It would be cool if there was eight and then one in the middle. That would be some Star Wars shit, bro.

That's what I was thinking of. Dude, wait. Write this in a script. Yeah. This would be sick. The eight towers. That's fucking crazy. Six fucking towers or five towers.

Are they building five more? Four more. Or four more. To make a fleet. It's just crazy that, when are they going to stop building buildings? I just got a skyline tattoo. Now I have to fucking add to it. I said a while ago, apparently they just don't stop building buildings here.

And apparently, during the pandemic, a lot of them were just empty. Yeah, what about, I mean, are they ever knocking down buildings? No. Everything's just going to be a building? The city doesn't sleep. This city, the fucking construction workers don't sleep here. It is crazy, though. Tommy had a tweet earlier where he was talking about how they just put shit everywhere for construction and they just never take it away.

Yeah. It seems like, what do they do? Oh, the building here. They've been doing construction here since I started. Yeah. I've seen a worker once. How do they even build scaffolding, too? Someone's got to build it.

Someone's just standing on a fucking plank? I'm sure it's pretty easy to build scaffolding. Scaffolding. That sounds like some Chet Hayes shit. It's a scaffolding, Chet Hayes. It's Chet Hanks, bro. Didn't he used to be Chet Hayes? His rap name is Chet Hayes.

Oh, really? Bro, you never listened to his album? Fucking Hanks. You don listened to his album? Fucking Hanks You don't know his deep You don't know his deep cuts? You must have just become a fan of his Within the last 18 months No I first became a fan of his

When he announced that his dad And his mom had COVID That was about 18 months ago He was like it's actually He's fucking so chill He's like don't even worry He's like people are going People are

This was like when no one Like knew anything about it Like I was still at college When this happened Holy shit And he's like don't even worry he's like people are going people this is like this is like when no one like knew anything about it like i was still at college when this happened holy shit and he was like he was like yeah tom's good like everyone's all right uh we're gonna be he's like i think people are overreacting like it's not that bad like they're chilling in quarantine right now he called his dad his first name all like he's got he's got like a tank top on and then he just like posting crazy shit. That's when the Jamaican accent started. Yeah, it's sick.

But if he's just hanging around a bunch of Jamaican dudes, that's what you have to do. Yeah. You just don't hang – you've probably never hung around a Jamaican dude, much less a gang of Jamaican dudes. But there's also groups of dudes in London and fucking Brooklyn that talk with the Jamaican patois. Yeah, like Troops. Well, Troops is half Jamaican, right? I guess he is half Jamaican. I think he said he was, right?

Or am I making that up? Is Troops half Jamaican? I think he is half Jamaican. I think his dad is Jamaican. Either that or his mom. Or his mom, yeah. One of the two. It's definitely either or.

It's a Jamaican ting. But I think that some people just can rattle off the patois like i i heard two fucking rappers just talking in a patois like i can see drake throwing on a little jamaican accent oh he definitely well you you would know fucking drizzy should i should i comment on one of his igs right now drizzy and roan there's only like a thousand of us that can comment on his IG posts. Only about 200 of us ever do. You commented recently, right?

What did you say? Something about his cologne, gas. Oh, yeah. Didn't he like it? No, it was the top comment. It was the top comment. That's awesome. Because everything else is like just 200 likes.

Because it's just all gas, gas, gas emojis. Yeah, just all flame emojis. Everything he does. His network of people are so supportive. It must be weird getting into, like, that friend group. Like, you know Drewski? Yes. You know Drewski.

Like, Drewski and Drake seem to be good buds now, but, like, I wonder, like, what the rankings are. Like, I mean, he's got—he's just always with people. I doubt there's ever a moment in his life where he's, like, alone. Drake? Yeah. He doesn't have alone time. Well, he always has that guy. He's always got multiple guys. But there's one guy who's always like the closest

the body guy he's like body man but i think kevin heart 40 i think kevin heart does it too uh i think it's obio hush actually but uh what is that wait obio like remember the what was that push a t he says something about because he has als ALS, right? 40 does. Yeah. That was a crazy lyric. That was like one lyric. I showed that to my dad because I was like, this is insane. Dad.

Dad, get in here. You'll believe what Pusha T just said about OVO 40. Oh, it was actually, it was crazy. That was like, I don't listen to diss tracks, but that one is fucking awesome. What did your dad say? Was he like, ooh. My dad was like, that was crazy. That was like the – that's like I don't listen to like diss tracks, but that one is fucking awesome. What did your dad say? Was he like, ooh? My dad was like, that was spicy. Oh, no. OVO hush hunched over like he's –

Body bags. OVO – wait, what does he say? Something beyond the pale. I just know he says, tick, tick, tick. How much time that man got, that boy is sick, sick, sick. That's crazy. Did he die? No, I don't think so.

But I think, I mean, you know, Drizzy's from that battle rap world. You know what I mean? He used to always be in the battle rap world. So he knows about these, about going too far. Back to back. I mean, you don't ride back to back if you're not in the battle rap scene. That's a fact. Trigger fingers turn to Twitter fingers.

Yizzo.zo Oh you're probably Team Meek though Well I was torn I was right in the middle Of it at the time You know what I mean Obviously I was Drake had the personal thing

But it's It's a city thing It's a little bit of A Helen of Troy situation I was caught in the middle Between Agamemnon And Hector Yeah

If you've ever Oh The boss lady. Boss lady's walking by. Are we shutting it down? Wait, I've never... I haven't seen you on Token yet. I was on Token.

Oh, I was definitely on Token. I don't... Would you talk about your origin story? I think it's one of the top... Oh, it was intern week. I was on Token before I was in the office. I did that in my basement Shut up

Yep Your mom's basement My mom's basement You were in my mom's basement Before my mom's basement existed Uh huh Yeah it was a really good show Me and Erica

Fucking Chopped it up Super close ever since Yeah for sure Yeah Yeah you guys went to Nobu together I love you

I love you to death E shout out E Shout out to E Yeah I love E to death. Shout out E. Shout out to E. Yeah, I love E for sure. We need a logo. Yeah, I'll work on it. Are you going to draw it? I'll probably get on that.

What's our Twitter voice going to sound like? I'll be running. I'll be doing most of the tweeting. Yeah, you should actually. A lot of memes. A little Sam squanch. A lot of memes. It's probably going to suffer because you're going to divide your attention a little bit.

How are you going to split your attention between your three accounts now? No, it'll be fine. We're going to do similar to Anus. We're not going to run it like the, we're not going to run it like the, like just posting viral shit. Because you don't, I don't, man, I'm not going to go against everyone at the company. No, no, do it, do it. Well, I don't think we're going to get listeners by doing that. You just get more traction

to your Twitter. Shit. All right, we got to wrap it up. Yeah, people are fucking coming in. All right, guys, thanks for listening. Thanks for listening.

Check back next time and like, download, subscribe. Like, download, subscribe. Follow on Twitter. Hit that smash. Smash that follow button. Make sure you turn that notification button on

for more content. And this is just the start. This is just the start. Big things. This is fucking. We're thinking about a tour. This is Zuckerberg in his dorm room right now. Yeah, live show type shit coming very soon.

Probably. Probably. Once you see this, the tickets will be out. College campuses. I think we're going to be hitting everything up. Merch. We're working on it. It's coming. Due to a lot of people asking

about the merch. We're thinking of doing a hoodie. And also a urinal cake. We're going to do a urinal cake. It's going to go dumb. We're going to have a fucking urinal cake. It's going to say time to get pissed off. Yeah. It's going to have a fucking urinal cake, and it's going to say, you're really time to get pissed off. Yeah.

That's going to be fucking sick. All right.