Son of a Boy Dad - Son of a Boy Dad: Ep. 11 - Funniest Episode Yet?? (ft. ANUS)

Episode Date: August 3, 2021

-- Sas & Rone are joined by Nick Turani & KB No Swag from the ANUS podcast. They discuss lots of things for quite a while.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, Son of a Boy Dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. What is up, everybody? Welcome back to Son of a Boy. No, that wasn't it. Give it a little more, like a lot more zing, actually. You don't have a catchphrase?

It is. It's what is up, everybody? That's his catchphrase. You have to do the what is up? Yeah. That's how he, that's his thing. What is up, everybody? Welcome back to Son of a boy dad podcast

are we saying the date today yeah yeah say it actually no no no don't don't undisclosed this is a nothing time sensitive please please don't talk about anything that's of like in the news or nothing du jour today we are joined

by two special special guests very special KB no swag thanks for having me Today we are joined by two special, special guests. Very special. KB No Swag. Thanks for having me. And Nick Turani. Yes, sir. And happy birthday, my favorite comedian, Gabriel Iglesias. Yes, sir.

Fluffy. Shout out Fluffy. Shout out Fluffy. Man, that dude's hilarious. Should we try and redo his roller coaster bit verbatim? KB, you want to take the first stanza? Okay. Remind me who this is.

This is me. Fluffy. Fluffy? Not to be confused with Ralphie May. That's who I was thinking about. He's dead. I get him and the Josh Blue. Him, Josh Blue.

Did the Ralphie guy die recently? A couple years ago. He had a heart attack? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You look surprised. Was he Joey Diaz's friend? You say Joey?

Joey. No, I said Joey. Joey. Put a soft J on it. Joey Diaz. KB, are you bad at differentiating comedians? Because remember when Ari Shaffir came on the act and you... I got him confused with Neil Brennan.

And you asked a very specific question about Neil Brennan's life. A Neil Brennan-specific question. I asked if he got ketamine treatment for depression, which is something that Neil Brennan did do and talked about. Insanely vocal about it. And Shaffir didn't fuck with that.

I don't think Shaffir fucked with anything that we were doing. No, he fucked with it, dude. He was fucking loving it, bro. There were a few things i said that he just like laughed really hard at yeah he was trying to internalize our comedy i think he was so he can later so he can use it oh he was trying to fill the tank up with it oh maybe that or maybe it like said on him that he he's not the funniest yeah yes and not He hasn't even podiumed. Not even the funniest.

It is humbling to be not top four in a room. It's devastating. That's how I feel right now with Owen over there cooking up God knows what. Who knows what fucking Owen's on right there. Don't put my face in someone else's body again. Owen will always snap a picture and then you'll just

see yourself on a body that's not yours. I wouldn't always snap a picture and then you'll just see yourself on a body that's not yours. My face looks better in every body. KB, did you see this thing in Turkey called oil wrestling? No, but I can kind of... I think I can deduce what it might be.

I don't know what it is. It's wrestling and they're covered in oil. Did you just stumble upon this? Or is this algorithmic thing i saw it on twitter you may also like is it in like some type of vat filled with oil or are they no they're just oiled they're just oiled up and the the the thumbnail for it is a guy holding another guy and his hand is just like down his pants and they're like so oiled up and it looks like his entire forearm might be in his ass what the fuck's up with this algorithm showing nobody knows what an algorithm is you can always blame it what was uh what was it on where did you see it

uh i think it was the new york post and you were like kb's gonna like? I photoshopped KB's wrestling profile and I said oil wrestler and then I deleted it because I was like, because I couldn't remember if KB like says his full name. So I was like, did I just dox KB? Kyle Bauer. Yeah. Kyle Bauer. It's Kyle Bauer. So your middle name's Gregory?

Kyle Gregory Bauer. Are there any others? Are there any other KGBs? Yeah. There's a couple. Do you ever any other KGBs? Yeah. There's a couple. Do you ever hear of the KGB? Yeah. Of course.

Say far less. That's the thing on this. I don't know what the frame of reference is. I didn't know if you knew Take Me Out to the Ball Game. And you didn't know if I knew Good Will Hunting. I knew you knew Good Will Hunting. Did Sass know Take Me Out to the Ball Game. And you didn't know if I knew Good Will Hunting. I didn't ask. I knew you knew Good Will Hunting. Did Sass know Take Me Out to the Ball Game? Sass, what was the song we all sang

in elementary school? What was the song you didn't know? Oh, the U.S. God Bless the U.S.A. That's not like an age thing. That's not a generation. I swear to God, I never heard that song. That was my 8th grade graduation song. It was supposed to be a vitamin C graduation but we all bullied this girl uh ashley don't see whatever don't say the last

yeah it's a specific last name and we bullied her and so they were like you are our punishment like didn't help her at all which is like you guys lost vitamin c you gotta graduate eighth grade to god bless the usa the teachers were definitely just sick of vitamin c yeah that's what it is every single year our eighth grade graduation was like the gangnam style like i feel like i feel like the fox baby shark you know how when you graduate there's always people who like go up on stage and do shit i hate yeah oh yeah maybe he clapped his ass you do any stunt or move yeah on the stage you can see somebody and instantly know if they were somebody yeah eighth grade graduation was that but just like 10 times worse because like everyone did something eighth graders oh yeah they whipped every yeah no they

literally what they did. Yeah. They were like flossed. People were doing like the lawnmower, walking across the stage. Flossing ruined like in-stadium jumbotrons for like four years. Like anytime a child got on a jumbotron, they would just floss. And it was everybody tried to do it. You couldn't even enjoy a kiss cam anymore without people trying to floss. I think it's like throwing a baby into a pool and they can just swim, though.

Like, kids are predispositioned to just know how to floss. Yeah. They learn it so quick. It is the first thing they learn, but guys like you and I probably couldn't. Not a chance. Seth, can you floss? Yeah, of course. Dude, I believe you. Speaking of the Jumbotron, did you see that?

Someone sent me a screenshot. Let's fucking go, bro, in the host chair. Yeah, look at this. Someone sent us a screenshot. Boy, let believe you. Speaking of the Jumbotron, did you see that? Someone sent me a screenshot. Let's fucking go, bro, in the host chair. Yeah, look at this. Someone sent us a screenshot of Dana Beers and the guy from the Packers. What was the guy's name? Bakhtiari. David Bakhtiari. Yeah, someone sent me a picture of the guy.

They were like, David Bakhtiari and fan at Packers game, like share beer moment or something like that. Just completely like disregarding Dana or something like that. Just completely disregarding Dana. I think that's exactly what it is, though. Not to disregard Dana, but that's what it is. That's who he is. Did you guys listen to the Dave Portnoy thing at all or no?

I haven't. Neither did I. But I'm assuming. Riveting. Riveting conversation. I was just curious because I didn't know if it's that bad. It was that bad. It was tear jerker.

It was a tear jerker. Did he cry? I thought he was going to cry on the internet. I cried. I cried listening to it. I felt bad. If you don't cry listening, you have no empathy. It was so sad for everyone involved. Everyone. I had empathy toward every single person. Marina was about to cry. I felt bad for Dave.

I think Marina did cry. Dana, Dave, and Marina. Dave was calling everybody a scumbag. Like he's not a scumbag. Dave's always on some scumbag shit. Yeah, he is. Let's talk melatonin. Right?

Right. Yes. We had a great melatonin combo before before the pod started we both we both shared that we'd take it before bed we did that was which is very common that's not something you should take every day right that's like very no it actually says on so i take these all these sleepy gummies and they uh that sounds strong as fuck bro they are extremely no like they're it sounds like something that would be but like literally you wake up like 15 hours later when you take them and your eyes are just it literally feels like they're

glued shut like you just can't open them you want to you definitely want a sleeping pill that you can take as like as soon as you are off your phone and you want to go to sleep right away yeah like you don't want any kind of incubation period of being off your phone and being able to dial it back a little bit. You just want to go to sleep right away. Yeah. Last night I tried reading before going to bed and it just. That didn't work?

No, I just was still up for like an hour after I put my book away. Must have been a good book. It was a great book. The British guys like narrating boring things on YouTube puts me right to sleep. Yeah. British anything. I can't watch in a calm British voice. Yeah.

on YouTube puts me right to sleep. I can't watch in a calm British voice. Half the reason I had to delete TikTok was because I just can't sleep when I have that app on my phone. You guys going to let him lie to you like that? I swear to God. I told Owen the other day, I literally can't even get it on my phone. Ask my mom, dude.

I deleted TikTok. I literally can't even download it on my phone anymore. You have parental control? No, my phone's broken. So if I download and delete an app too many times, it permanently says that I have it on my phone, even though it's not there. So if I go to download it, it just says open and I can't download. You invented a glitch.

Yeah. You're the first and only person that that's ever happened. I know. I need a new phone. That's because my phone is five years old. I think it's to block gamblers from sportsbook apps. Probably. It need a new phone. That's because my phone is five years old. I think it's to block gamblers from sportsbook apps. It's a safety protocol. You banned yourself from TikTok.

Basically, that's kind of a pedophile move. Speaking of TikTok, Roan's going viral on TikTok right now. Shut up. Yeah, for your dick. Your dick's going viral. Wait, what? There's different standards for dick viral.

Off the record, just between guys. Do you have a big dick? No, no, no. Okay, cool. I beg to differ, to be honest. From what I was seeing in that episode. What was the viral? There's a whole lot of Rome there.

What was the viral video? So this girl is like. I stuffed my crotch. I'm like an 80s rock star. I believe he's wearing the exact same shorts. No, a whole different set of shorts. These are jean shorts. Oh, okay.

These are denim. These are denim that should be a little bit more. I take my cues from Nick on this one, who all starches his groin area. People couldn't even begin to imagine what my dick looks like. Yeah, I have never given a clue. It's behind a firewall. Yeah, it is. They don't have a clue.

I was actually thinking about your dick last night. Yeah? Go ahead. I was thinking about the thing that you said that it's calloused and i was like i don't know if i believe you but i also sort of do it is calloused head to toe or tip why is it calloused through undergrad i didn't wear underwear and so i just rubbed against the zipper do you still because i believe you said yesterday i haven't had underwear in two weeks yeah i didn't wear underwear i just got them back so my dick yeah no it's calloused to the point where it's like smoothed out and like a marble feel. Yeah, it's like a countertop.

If you were to touch the tip of my dick, you'd think it would be like Angus Young's ring finger. Housewives, they want your dick as their countertop whenever they're redo redoing there, whatever they're redoing their kitchen. It hurts women. Yeah, that's what you said. And I don't ask. It's just like a dagger. Yeah, and I haven't felt anything in years. Do you think that's why the military starches the front of their pants so no one can see an officer's penis?

Like an infantryman can't see an officer's penis because if he has a bigger dick, then that would undermine the officer. It's a morale thing because I don't think men ever want to get killed by a man who has a smaller dick. If you get killed by somebody, you assume they have a bigger dick. But that's exclusively how deaths happen, though. It's only smaller dick men killing the bigger dick. But as they're dying, you're like, I bet that dude had a bigger dick than me. As they're bleeding out, it's like, that's fine. Roan's dick. Roan's dick.

Roan's dick. Back to Roan's dick. KB on melatonin. So KB is on melatonin. You don't want to talk about your dick on the internet. Yeah, so basically

there's a TikTok and it's like this girl and she's like, I listen to Son of a Boy for the jokes and then the camera pans over and it's just a picture

of Roan's big juicy thing hanging out of those trousers. Jeez. And it's got like a hundred likes, I think. That is a penis viral. Superstar viral. I make it different because

the boss man's dick was out and about this weekend and that did serious numbies. If a hundred likes is viral, then what was his? You're packing way more heat than him. No, that was his pants. If I wore those pants... He's got that shrimp. His was about the pants.

Yours was about the dick. Did I get fired for saying that? He's got that shrimp dick. Anywhere else I'd say, you'd know. Here, maybe. Emergency press conference. I had to fire a little sass today

i hire him and then he thinks he can just come and say i have a shrimp dick idiot idiot all your impressions are the same that was that was somebody vastly different than who you were that was somebody the idiot thing i i feel like he says that that sounded like uh like william randolph hearst or something no that. That sounded like William Randolph Hearst or something. That sounded like John Rockefeller. That was decently accurate. That sounded like Henry Ford. Idiot!

You declared idiot. It was a declaration. Henry Ford on the assembly line. Doesn't he say that though? He calls everyone an idiot. Gross. That was better. That was a little bit better. Doing that at the wedding was like the equivalent

of someone proposing. Someone else proposing. That's a woman wearing a white dress. He wore a white dick. I need somebody to kill themselves at a wedding. That would be the evilest thing you could ever do. That's the all that's

the ultimate villain it's the x oh it's definitely happened wait didn't namar show up to his ex's wedding or some shit like that namar the soccer player he like said he said like that he was always going to be there on his girl's special day and he just showed up like out of a stretch limousine at his like ex-girlfriend's wedding and just watched her get married to some other dude. She must have been furious. She must have been wet as hell that this fucking multi-billion dollar soccer star who's fucking shredded is just

standing there in the background while she's marrying an average Joe. That's a fucked up move. Yeah, that is a fucked up move. Some ladies actually prefer an average Joe, believe it or not. Too many these days. Seriously. Famous guys like us and Dana Beers.

No one has any respect for the Viva guys these days. The boys are back in town. Fosco just walked back in. The whole crew. Holy shit. Fasthuli just walked back in. They didn't even stop at home. No.

Straight here. Those boys are on the grind. Yeah. Fasthuli, Jake. Jake gave up the kidney to the to to pops would you ever go to your uh your kidney sass you're too selfish we've had two people at work give up kidneys it's it's it's uh like a ripple through the office everybody's doing it it's like a way to go viral yeah it's a great way they must be fun at parties

it's a really good way to get the interaction up. If you're lacking on your tweet game. Yeah, or just to get a job for life. Yeah. Just give a kidney to Dave Portnoy. He didn't even need one, but he needs one now. Dave's walking around with eight kidneys. All team Portnoy had to give up the kidneys. He's got them on a keychain.

YP gave up two kidneys and is out of a job. He got fucked badly. What is YP up to now? he just has no kidneys but he's trying to fucking he's trying to drink though he's on dialysis he's just uh he's on dialysis fucking doing mike studs shotgun thing and fucking sucking down beers what is that called what's mike studs mike's uh mike periods uh uh wait what's his other name he has another just mike just mike but no but he has another name that's like he his name's not even mike or something like that i was in nashville i'm pretty sure he's fucked every woman with the name of mike stud definitely my cousin in floren Did he? Yeah. That's where to go. He just... I think every state school girl from Ohio in 2012 to 2014...

Fuck Mike Studd. Fuck Mike Studd or his partner. He would go on sorority... Wait, who was his partner? He was a right-hand man. Right-hand man. They went on tour. This guy doesn't do anything, but he fucks just as much.

Really? Because there's so much runoff. And he just is... I mean, sex drive is not culturally... It's completely personal. So if he has more sex drive than Mike Studd... Oh, definitely. Nobody can. Nobody does.

Than Mike Studd? You don't think sex drive is cultural? Oh, no, I think... Nurture nature sex drive. I think it's 100% personal. Europeans have a higher sex drive than us. No way. They invented the freaky sex over there.

No way, dude. They might be freakier, but that doesn't mean they have a higher drive. They're probably lazier. I think you have to have a higher sex drive to be freakier. No way. Not at all. Some people get freaky and then just fucking a lazy lover who's just freaky, who wants to just fist and fall asleep. They that freaky because they're bored with sex they're just like

we got to figure out how to make sex more fun here we just hammer hammer or just fucking black and decker we're just fucking we got the power tools going i gotta check in on the caller daddy discussion facebook group that i'm in the alex cooper was in chicago uh the week that i was there shut up yeah she like didn't we already talked about this she didn't even hit me up to link but um things have been so awkward between her and i do we we are we've been talking about that a bit ever since that 60 mil check yeah she it's been weird with you she doesn't even know us yeah just because like i still do a little bit better than her but she like i'm trying to make it like oh why don't you get dinner this time like make her feel better but then she'll i don't know she'll just be like nick like but she's like you know i'm going to

like catch up to you i'm just like go back to bed i just roll. But Mooj has a conservatorship on her. He's got her own budget every week. He says you only can get $5,000 a week. And she's hurting because of it. Because of bottle service. She wants to go out for bottle service. Yeah, of course. I saw a video on someone that I'm friends with from Chicago on Snapchat.

And Alex Cooper's up on stage at a bar. Just like, Daddy gang. on my like someone that i'm friends with from chicago on snapchat and she and alex cooper's like up on stage at a bar just like daddy gang and everyone's going crazy just a random bar she was on stage i'm surprised she even goes to bars that had where she where people can touch her stool thing where people can stage people can reach out and touch her you were on stage owen was shimmying on apparently owen was taking some heat yesterday because of me it was my fault he was frisbeeing coasters out to the people fucking 100 at a time i didn't the whole stage thing i got based off of tweets i didn't get it from owen owen was on the stage of course you didn't get it from him yeah but owen has uh that so much

information has come from owen that he's getting this he's getting a a rat label kind of it's like oh we go on the stage around you owen and you start telling everybody you're spilling our deepest darkest secrets that was supposed to be between us and the 800 people that were at the bar whenever i get on stage i wanted to be secret you told people i was on stage what the fuck dude, dude? I did that for me. People were mad because we said that they were all riding on the high horse. Yeah. What did you say? You said they think... I said they needed to be knocked down a peg.

They need to be knocked down a peg. They think they're celebrities. I didn't say that. That might have been a conversation between me and you. You just... Yeah, yeah. You just said that. So now you said that.

It would have been a conversation between us that you just doxxed. I said I wanted to write a blog about it. Do you just said that. So now you said that. We had a conversation between us that you just doxxed. I said I wanted to write a blog about it. Do you just like doxxed a conversation? You doxxed my convo, bro. I know, I didn't mean to say doxxed.

Fuck, dude. That's the thing with this pod, bro. Shit just slips out. Shit, I know, that just happens. We just let it fly. Yeah, that's why they love you.

I'm a loose cannon. We're libertarians. We're big time libertarians. Yeah. Keep the government out of our, et cetera. Your shit. Yeah, ourarians. We're big time libertarians. Keep the government out of our, et cetera. Your shit.

Yeah, our shit. Seriously. Yeah, we're, that's the kind of thing with us. We don't really play by the rules. Wait, Ron, you're cock. No, no, no. We were talking.

I have two topics. No, we, I have germinated on from that. Episodically relevant topics that we can blend together. Alex Cooper, your dick. Did she ever, oh, she sucked you? Speculate about it?

Yeah, she said it was... Oh, yeah, because didn't she judge everyone's penis? Yeah, I think she did. Was that before our time? It was before me. She objectified us. She objectified the males in the office. Which I felt was

damaging to my reputation. Did she say small for you? Pencil size was her pencil. Width or... No, I think I watched it. I think she was like, Roan's got a fucking hog. Roan's got a 12-incher. Soft. Soft 12-incher. She said it was like

the eraser of a pencil. Not even the entire pencil, just the eraser. But a nubbed down eraser. An eraser that's been used. There's been mistakes. Yeah, a lot of mistakes. A flawed. Who did she say had the smallest? Hank, I think. Dan. Hank

was a cocktail sausage, I think. That's much larger than an eraser. Yeah. Significantly. That dwarfs your dick. Cast a massive shadow. If you had a pencil sized if you had the racer sized penis and he had a sausage size penis i think you could actually fuck his dick you could fuck his dickhole or just hide inside of it like a joey like a baby kangaroo you can make a nesting doll of Barstool Dicks. That's so gross. In the wintry months, I could just hide inside of him. He'd be like Leo in The Revenant

and just cut his dick open and fucking hibernate. Who's the guy that went into the camel? It's been going around. Luke Skywalker in the Tauntaun? Yeah. Skywalker. He's a fictional guy. Oh, did they take The Revenant from

Star Wars? Yep. Shut yep shut up stolen one for one no way the revenant is just a remake true story yeah star wars is based on the luke skywalker autobiography have you ever seen star wars no but i've seen star Trek. Okay. No, I'm kidding. Rest in peace, your mentions. These guys are brutal. Of course I've seen Star Wars, bro. Please, please. Fuck. Have you seen Star Wars, Rune?

No. Rune, was he watching 8 Mile on repeat? I am, White. I am a fucking bum. I do live in a trailer with my mom. I used to try and co-opt Eminem's story in 8 Mile when I would tell people. I assumed other people hadn't seen 8 Mile yet. Did you try to find your own cheddar bob?

I did. People still go crazy for that scene. Oh, it's a good scene. People who still wear RBCA hats, they love that scene. It's pronounced Ruka, you nerd. Is it? I had no idea until right now. You nerd. It's pronounced Ruka, you nerd. Is it? I had no idea until right now. You nerd.

It's pronounced Ruka, and it's just R and C. It's the recession collection, and a down arrow and a top arrow. How do you know that? Bro, was... What hot topic were you fucking posted up there? Nick was on the Ruka wiki facts. Bro, find me in Zoomies, just browsing. Put a fucking punch card at Zoomies.

Zoomies has the most aggressive employees of all time. Really? They tail you. The only time I've ever gone to Zoomies, I remember just sitting there playing Skate 3 on their Xbox. They had an Xbox in the store. Aggressive how? Like aggressive in how they dress? Aggressive in sales?

Sales. They'll pounce on you. They'll surround you. Isn't it a small store? Yep. Isn't it really tiny? There's like 10 employees per Zoomies. That's one of those stores where they like compliment you. Yeah't it a small store? Yep. Isn't it really tiny? There's like 10 employees per Zoomies. That's one of those stores

where they like compliment you. Oh, yeah. Nice socks, brother. They compliment everything you're wearing. It's a dope ass fucking tee. Then I'm like, I'll leave like,

oh, fuck, then I'm gonna leave here. Yeah, I guess I don't need to upgrade my wardrobe, you fucking idiot. It's a dope ass fucking tee. Yeah. Nice hat,

nice shirt, dude. Like the socks. The's a dope ass find. Nice hat, nice shirt, dude. Like the socks. The whole thing's coming together. I went into a store like that with shoes that had been like ripped up by a dog. There was like holes in the shoes. And the guy was trying to compliment me so bad. I love that rugged look

you're going for, bro. Very vintage. I love that skimboard you're holding. All right, I guess I don't need a new one. You always do carry around a skimboard. I love that. You love that skate deck you're holding. That will suck for cash sign that you have. Bro, I love the look you have going on.

I love the hacky sack you're holding. Yeah, a lot i personally so i think that going into stores like zoomies and like skate shops and shit is like maybe the most hostile environment on the planet you almost have to prove that you can skateboard because you're trying to impress these high schoolers so bad you go in there and it's just like everyone doesn't want you in there and the person behind the counter is sick of the fact that they're not even looking up from the register their heads just down you walk in and it's just all eyes on you you're really buying the abec nine bearings you might as well just quit

you're holding your deck like right off the bat i can hold your deck for the trucks and it was that was as much as i could offer for that i used to ski and it was the same way with that like you'd go in and it'd be like a big group of people they all know each day everyone there knows each other first middle name last name they're on all the bases and first base being first names and uh and you'd walk in and all of a sudden everyone turns their head like you just like fucking i don't even know the record skips they their head. Like, you just, like, fucking, I don't even know. The record skips. Oh, they know. And they hate you.

It just feels like they all hate you. Skiing for the first time and, like, trying to get it down in a crowded group of regular snowboarders. Yeah. Or whenever I take my rollerblades to the halfpipe and everybody's trying to fucking bust tricks. I'm just trying to drop in, but I'm scared. So it takes 15 minutes to fucking drop in. I get the willies. Whenever I went to a skatepe shop, I'd always

bring in my broken deck. Even if I wasn't buying a deck, I'd just be like, yeah, I just broke them. Just approve them. It's just clearly sawed straight. It was a perfectly clean cut. It smelled like sawdust. Completely equal size.

A 50-50 split. I don't know what the fuck happened I've been trying to get the laser flip and just like just I guess it's time for a new one oh you need a deck nah I just need that alien workshop tee

all skateboarders are so judgmental yeah I need that Vans bucket hat they'll make fun of you for if you don't wear the right brand of skate shit like even if it's just like yeah i like the i like the pop of this deck there's like toy machine fuck you i went to i was like doing a video about skateboarders i didn't even like pretend i wasn't going to pretend to be a skateboarder and they were all like just literally talking behind their hands, looking at me, like pointing and looking at me head to toe, just roasting every bit of my outfit.

There's nothing that you can do that's cool enough unless you're a better skateboarder than them to walk up and skateboard. I mean, it is undeniably like a really cool thing. No, these dudes are tremendous failures. Like 90% of my skateboarder friends are dead now. I'm not even joking. They die often. No, no. They are huge, huge failures. But if you're like really good at skateboarder friends are dead now. Not even joking. They die often. They are huge, huge failures.

I'm not trying to touch on a sense that they die often. I have a friend named Jay. Not from skateboarding accidents. I have a friend named Jay who was alive and we threw him out of our crew because we found out his dad was a doctor. They were like,

you're rich. He was working at China Walk. They were like, you're rich. And he was working at China Walk. And we were like, why are you working here? Go home. Why do you have a job? Go back to your happy, wholesome family. They're still skating and they're wearing just disgustingly dirty clothes. Oh, yeah. They don't fuck with you. They all fuck the same

one girl. They do. She sits there with her hands in her pockets and her loose jeans. Yeah, she's wearing an Invader Zim t-shirt. What's their name for them? They definitely have a name for girls that are around that they fuck. I love that there's a name for just girls that sleep with somebody who has an interest. It's just like, oh, you're a puck slut.

You're a snow bunny. Chuckle fucker. What were the wrestling ones? One. Singlet chasers. And I know the exact number at any given moment because there's an official account. A singlet chaser. What type of girl is that besides ugly? What are they?

The battle rap girls were barbarians. Were they? No, I don't think that they were. That's one where it didn't exist. They're the sisters of all state wrestlers from Iowa, Minnesota, and rural western Ohio. And that's it. And so they all fuck wrestlers?

Some of them are hot because they have, you know, good genetics. All right. Athletic genetics. What does that mean? I think that works. They have the same genetics as... They're wrestling brothers.

Okay. I've just been racking my brain what girls that fuck with graphic designers are called. Logos. Logos. No. That must exist, though. If there's a convention, that's a place

for them to suck and fuck. It's a place for them to swap their bodily fluids. Any type of convention is just for that. You like fucking that dude with an interest and hobby? Yeah, that's actually true. Fuck you, slut. When we were in Kansas City and there was that work hotel thing going on. Yes, and it was like the most-

They were the most horniest people I've ever seen in my entire life. And everybody was dressed like they were on a Jerry Springer set. They all had the least descript clothing, no name brands, anything. They just walked out Of a Talbots Or like a TJ Maxx Or something And they were so horny

For each other They were all They were all so horny They were just like Sucking down lockers Eating quesadillas And fucking each other They were just fucking

I was in the I was in the hotel With It was me This old dude This lady And we like Go up to like

The third floor And they're like Talking And he's like He's like saying Some weird ass comments I don't know Dude was a creep was me this old dude this lady and we like go up to like a third floor and they're like talking and he's like he's like saying some weird ass comments i don't know dude was a creep and then like someone gets in and he gets out and she's like well jerry sure is a lot yeah he's he's a handful and he was like he was like telling them like where his room is at and shit he was massaging his boner in his pocket he had his hand stuffed in his pocket he was just rubbing the tip of his dick like no one saw i almost had to everyone saw jerry brother is this guy bothering you don't want you dude

or just like pretending you know her yeah hey is this guy i was on the 13th floor at that hotel oh yeah did it was it did it say 13 or did they call it 14 it was 13 what hotel did they put you in a lot of motherfucking hotels they'll just call it 14 no that's like you got to count up from the bottom any hotel you go into you have to count up because sometimes they'll say like the ninth floor is the 13th floor and vice versa you just have to count no matter what you always have to count because they're dishonest about that shit i didn't know that was a thing that they like didn't have 13 floors at all the places. Oh, yeah, bro.

I'm supposed to go to Wyoming. There's no building in Wyoming that's 13 stories. The tallest building in Wyoming is the library. It's a silo. I was going to say I'm supposed to fly on Friday the 13th. Wait, first off, why are you going to Wyoming?

First off, why don't you know the tallest building in Wyoming? I know the tallest building in every state. Vermont is an apartment building. For real? No one ever says I'm supposed to go to Wyoming. I'm going to Wyoming. I have to go to Wyoming. It's you. No, I'm actually super pumped. My friend Bo lives

in Wyoming. Oh, Jackson. Okay, it's a tourist area. You're going to Jackson Hole? Jackson Hole. You're going to Jackson Hole. No, I don't think so. You're going to Jackson Hole? Jackson Hole. You're going to Jackson Hole. No, I don't think so. You're not going to Jackson Hole. You're not fucking going to Casper. No, he works on a ranch in Wyoming. You're not going to the ranch. You're talking about the Bale Hay. Oh, he definitely regrets. He probably thought that was a good decision.

No, he's been on it for the last two summers. Yeah, he hates it. No, he loves making TikTok count. And he said they're having a massive party. He does not love a massive party in Wyoming. They're having a huge ranch party. So like 400 people are going to be there. And we're going.

And I'm really excited. So thanks for shooting it down, guys. It's going to suck. You're going to a rant. But what I was going to say was it's going to be a great time. Maybe I'll bring a camera guy to film the whole thing for me. You need a camera guy? Not you, bro.

Someone else. All right. Have you seen the work that I've done with Frank the Tank? Yeah, I have. I'm not bringing a camera guy. But I'm flying on Friday the 13th. That thing's going down. Yeah, for sure.

And you're not going to die instantly. That's just going to take a while. I'm going to have to get back on another plane. There's going to be rubble, and they're going to look for days. And you're going to survive gonna be rubble and they're gonna look for days and you're gonna survive for a couple days but they're not gonna find you you'll be there for like four days in there you'll find like a fucking dasani that you'll you'll suckle off of praying to travis barker i was thinking about this the other night i tweeted it yesterday but i was thinking about this the other night like don't you wish sort of that like like i nick nick i know you

don't like flying either at all i i don't you kind of wish that at the end of the flight they like there was some sort of way that you could find out like how close you were to crashing no i wish you know i want to survive a plane crash one for the inflatable slide two so i have an excuse to never go on a plane again yeah so you could just turn into john madden and ride a bus. Don't you have a wish that they were like, we almost went down? No.

I do. Why would that make you feel better? I think it would just make me feel less crazy about it. No. Because every time I get off the plane, I'm like, every time.

Every time. Every time. You're like, oh, we almost died last time. Every time I get off a plane, I'm like, oh my God, dude, this was literally

the worst turbulence I've ever had. Yeah. Are you dicks actually scared when you're in a plane? Yes. I am a plane i'm horrified times more scared just walking no way that's way more dangerous like loose cars i would argue that i would argue that it is 100 000 times more dangerous no that's like i'm not arguing that a classic argument is like oh you know what the most dangerous part about flying is the the drive to the airport and it's like yeah but also the drive to the airport you're not 10 you're not 30 000 feet up in the air you're not

the end like the 20 seconds or however long it'll take to pummel to the earth yeah well it'll stink yeah it'll stay no it wouldn't even be like 20 seconds it'd be like five minutes what i'm thinking nosedive my ass is going nosedive my shit's gonna whistle on the way down it's like a bomb it's we're going we're just we're going straight perpendicular with the crust of the earth so my fear shit would not whistle my boy probably land in the tip of a volcano the way it plays out in my head in all of my dreams and all of my scenarios are we take off we're like doing the whole turn thing which is the worst part where you're not

quite even at 10,000 feet banking turning and then all of a sudden something just fails and we're just and we just start we just start backsliding yeah I always think another plane is going to hit us too just a head on collision dude I've been in I've been in the air and looked out the window I think I have a picture of it on my phone because I remember it was when I was going home from I always think another plane is going to hit us too. Just a head-on collision.

Dude, I've been in the air and looked out the window. I think I have a picture of it on my phone because I remember it was when I was going home from college. It was a COVID and I took a picture because there's a plane just next to our plane. Yeah, it sucks. I was like, is that a thing? Going the exact same speed? Is there traffic right now? I was like, is that a thing? Stop tailgating us.

Back off. You waved to them. Did they see you? Were you actually going the same speed as them or they just whizzed by? That is actually scary. I don't trust air traffic controllers. My one friend is addicted to Kratom and he does that. Oh, Jesus.

The worst plane crash ever. Can you buy Kratom at a store, though? Yeah, you can. It's legal, but I don't trust it. It's the highest paying job that doesn't require a college degree. Okay, okay. It's the highest paying job that doesn't require a college degree. Okay, okay. That's spooky. The worst plane crash ever was because it was on the ground.

What was it? That was the worst plane crash ever? The worst plane crash ever. Brother. I think like 500 people died. What do you mean? It was like there was a big delay because of the fog. Are you talking about the movie Die Hard?

No, this actually happened. And one of the planes, there was like a miscommunication with the guy in the control thing. And the one plane was trying to get off and the other plane was taking off and they hit each other and both planes exploded. Do you think that guy was fired? He probably killed himself, realistically.

He was probably like Dana talking to Dave. He's like, I'm sorry, I'm an idiot. I'm not a scumbag. I just have a dog brain. I have the brain of a golden retriever. Have you never fucked up? Have you never fucked up at work? I bet you fuck up at work every day.

Me and Owen were talking about yesterday because all these people from SNL got nominated for Emmys and Bo and Yang got nominated for Emmys and he has what I think is maybe the worst SNL sketch of all time, the iceberg one. Yeah, that's bad.

And I was saying, if they were going to pick a tragedy, I think it would have been 10 times funnier if they picked that they were the Twin Towers. Like he was the Twin Towers. Wait, wait, the iceberg one. Didn't he get necked for that? Yeah, they necked him off.

They necked him off. You got a wild neck for that? It's the worst sketch ever. Yeah, it sucks. He's like, first of all, you guys ran into me. Oh, he was doing the perspective of the iceberg. Did he make it into a millennial

or into a Gen Z? Did he give it some modern lingo or anything like that? He loves to sprinkle into modern lingo that's actually his jokes is that like someone talks like if he was either one of the twin towers or he was a tower

next to the twin towers tower 7 like he was jealous that he didn't get no that or he's just like smoking a cigarette just like I've seen shit like yeah like I feel like that the've seen shit. I feel like the iceberg from the Titanic is so played out.

Seriously, who gives a fuck? Who gives a fuck about the iceberg from the Titanic? People are dead now. Fuck those people. When was the Titanic? It's over like 100 years ago, right? Oh yeah, 12. I think it was like 12. Nick, back me up here. 1912? Yeah, I think so.

A boat in the night early 1900s sinking that should happen I said I said every time you get on a boat like there should be a 50% chance it sinks boats should sink makes no sense yeah it doesn't make any sense anyway the fuck

the fact that the Nina the Pinta and the Santa Maria made it like we know their names just because they didn't sink. It was noteworthy that every other boat sunk. There's only three that didn't sink. All the other boats sunk. Do you know any other boat names outside of them? Mayflower.

Okay, that's a good one. Didn't sink. Didn't sink. Somebody followed me on Twitter the other day, and their bio was, take a chance, Columbus did. Jeez. Genocide. Columbus did. other day and the bio was take a chance columbus did genocide columbus did chance was the nickname of one of the uh native americans it was his scalp take a chance columbus holding up a fat scalp i remember when we like first learned that a juicy ass like a fucking t-bone scalp like the blood is just dripping

from it fucking a thick fucking porterhouse scalp what are you about to say oh i was just saying i remember when we first learned that columbus was bad were you reading some howards in i remember my teacher was like on the verge of tears talking about it and i was like what the hell is happening columb Columbus is a good guy. We have a day off for him, alright? It's an Italian American thing. Even though I heard that the Portuguese claim him and so do the Spaniards.

He's not ours. That's all I'm going to say. Not ours. What are you, a Swede? A Pole? I'm a red-blooded USA. I'm an American. God bless the USA. People who have an emotionally driven opinion

about a historical figure. That's a weird move. Canceling historical figures is really funny. Like when they were ripping down the Robert E. Lee statues? Yeah, I bet you he was pissed. Lee, he was definitely furious. Imagine getting mad about that, though. Imagine genuinely being like, this is fucked furious. Imagine getting mad about that, though. Imagine genuinely being like,

this is fucked up. Which way? My favorite statue. They could take down the statue of liberty and nothing would change in my life. Having a favorite president is a weird move. Just being like, I loved what this guy did a long-ass time ago.

Yeah. Yeah, like, he had my votes. And it's only guys who got killed so kennedy lincoln like that's the only way to become a favorite yeah i uh there was like this youtube video that had like five million views in a week i watched it like two nights ago and it was a guy he was like who i would have voted for in every presidential election and he like just picked the winners he was just like i would have voted for in every presidential election. And he just picked the winners. He was just like, I would have voted for Washington. And I was like, hell yeah.

Retroactive voting. That's dumb as fuck. I would have voted for Lincoln as the new I have a black friend. Oh. I have a friend. One of my best friends has a Black Lives Matter shirt.

We should make shirts that say, I would have voted for Lincoln. That would go off. If I was alive, I would have voted for Lincoln. Big ass bag. Roast his ass. He's going to the shore. What do you fucking think?

Come on, bro. Wait, did he have an expensive shirt on last weekend? Was that pink shirt that he had on, was that expensive? It was from Urban Outfitters. Oh, okay. So, no. Yeah. DK Metcalf was wearing it, too.

That's what made me think it was expensive. Yeah, right. How much would you guys... How much would you... Yeah, yeah. You got this. How much would you guys have to get paid? How much do you think a good door costs?

How much would you guys have to get paid to have your... No idea. A door? I could be within $500. I was going to say $500. Probably. For a good door? Give or take.

A front door? I could see a good door costing $5,000. I could see it costing $500. I think it might be like a good front door, like a magnificent one. I bet it's closer to $50,000. So I know when I'm using a bad door, but I never know when I'm using a good door. And I think that's what makes a good a front door like a magnificent one i bet it's closer to fifty thousand dollars so i know when i'm using a bad door but i never know when i'm using a good door and i think that's what makes a good door you don't know when it's good well heft i think if it's if you have to if it feels heavy is knob included do you include knob kyle was right they range from 500 to five

thousand dollars no shit but there's got to be some doors that are like really expensive. Let's start a GoFundMe for just a good ass door. People need to start like buying doors more. Yeah, definitely. Like that door is probably pricey.

It's a big door. No, but it's but it's busted though. It's busted. People need to start enjoying. That door is busted. I want an ornate ass

birch thing. I'm tired of feeling apathetic about that. Oh, and can you search the Expensive how much an expensive door Is like a good ass door. I don't even Know a brand of door No. I want to get a t-shirt

With a door brand logo on it You could probably make one. You should find A door company and be like folks I'm going to give you a free consultancy On better branding and just Completely revamp their shit'm going to give you a free consultancy on better branding and just completely revamp their shit and just take them to a top level door brand. I'm looking at a $64,000 bronze covered sunburst door from 19. Okay.

Okay. $65,000. I mean, that's what the fuck I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. Because that's something you could be a collector of where collecting doors just shows you have a big house too. Exactly. You have thresholds. You have a lot of thresholds that you could be a collector of. Collecting doors just shows you have a big house, too. Exactly. You have thresholds.

You have a lot of thresholds that you could stop up. Are the doors functional or are they just hanging around? If it's functional, then it's not a collectible. If it's functional, it's not a collectible. Where are you putting the door? Frames. But you were saying you would hang yours like a museum. You'd just have a hall of doors.

And would you like... A door museum. Would you like set them up like posters at a Walmart where you could like flip through all the doors you have? Or would they be hung on the wall like paintings? I imagine them hung from the ceiling. That's the last place you'd expect a door. Like when you go to...

Just dangling. KB grew up so poor, he just calls big houses door museums that's just a house with a lot of rooms but like watches like a really expensive watch those are super expensive four hundred thousand dollars two million dollar watches if we're finding out the most expensive doors only sixty five thousand dollars that's something that you could get in on get the best ones of, and then have the market follow you. If you're the first door collector, being a window pane collector or something like that, collecting parts of houses that aren't necessarily going to build their own house, I think we have something there. Absolutely.

A niche market. Do you have any door memories, something that really stuck with you that happened with a door? At a door? I never was in a... I was in Minnesota and there were like... There were... Cyclones, tornadoes.

It was the first time seeing a cyclone and they said we would have to get in a door frame if they wound up blasting the apartment building that we were in. But that's my only real experience with the tornado, having to get in a bathtub. It was emotional because I thought I was going to get whipped up in the tornado

and I could have died, dude. Yeah. That could have been curtains for me. In college, somebody stole my front door. I had a party and I just came down the next morning. I was like, it's fucking freezing.

Door was gone. They unhinged it? They lifted it right off. That's something you have to do when you're moving a couch, when you're putting a couch in somewhere. The fact that it's only two inches that you can get a wiggle room by taking the door off, but it's like every couch is that much different from the doorframe. Yeah. Morgantown is just like a furniture one up in context.

What can you do with furniture that hasn't been done? Yeah. Yeah, it's bad. I had some boys at Temple who they dropped out early, but they got they got union jobs in Philly. And one of the things they learned was how to like turn on or turn off people's water for their houses and so they would go to house parties and just flood people's basements just run out bro those are just those are criminals if someone gave them any guff they just flood their basement that's a powerful ass enemy i mean have you ever had like your basement flood bad no uh no i don't think so. When I was younger, our basement flooded. We went downstairs and there was a foot of water in our basement.

It was super flood. I've been disgusted by people who talk about their basement flooding. How do you live like that? Especially if there's carpeting. I don't think you do. If you have a finished basement and it's flooding, I don't think we see the foot of water in the basement. I hate when people make it public,

like post on social media about their flood. That's gross. I don't understand flash floods. You're living in squalor. Literally, you're making a mold museum of your life. That's the most disgusting thing, that flood. Yeah, it's gross. No one has a basement flood,

and then they're just like, all right, we'll fix that next month. No, my one homie's house has standing water in his basement. Is that a pool? Not at all. And he's just like, yeah, we live in a floodplain. It's just like not worth it.

I was like, what? But it is crazy that some houses like you just like, oh, that house in the corner floods. Like they just, there's like parts of land,

marshy parts of land that just flooded. I think Chicago, Manhattan, all built on floodable land. because like a pipe burst. Oh. What the fuck is pipe burst. That shit keeps on sounding poor. You're not making a good case for yourself, bro.

You sound more poor by this. You better start flossing to prove that you're rich. If your pipe bursts, keep it to yourself. Nobody wants to hear that shit. Our basement also flooded last year, but different house. Okay, so it's a there's a habitual problem

there's white collar floods and blue collar you play out a nice a wealth flood a wealth flood is much different than a flood from the cricks there's always a tire floating outside you always on the news it's just like the darkest brown you've ever seen of water and then just there's a tire that floats like that you just always it's always i think the news van just tosses it out throw a little character in there johnny bring the tire the water's deep yeah we would make this have you guys ever had like a area in your town like an area where you live flood and people are kayaking on the street we've yeah like every summer we probably like one of the more floodable cities in America. Really?

Yeah. And people would kayak through? Yeah. As like a news to be cheeky or for actual pleasure? We have a river the size of a bay and a creek the size of a river. And we're nestled betwixt. Is that like your guy's slogan? No.

We have a river the size of a bay and a bay the size of a river. It sounded like the start of a limerick. Our creek, our Wheeling Creek is bigger than the average river. And I'll put that, I'll vow on that. It sounds like you're running for governor. The Ohio River is the size of the river. We have a creek the size of a river.

It's like trying to fight for more funding. Fund us now. Mr. President, hear me out. Wheeling deserves to be its own state Emancipate Wheeling Free Wheeling Free Wheeling we should Free Palestine on God

Can you just move your hands Yeah bro You need more dick You're framing the penis If you're trying to get any views on this You're going to have to be showing dick Just the reverse chaps where my penis is out. Did chaps show his penis?

No, like assless chaps. Penisless chaps. Putting on assless chaps backwards. This is embarrassing. You get all the way to work and your assless chaps are on backwards. This is mortifying. How did this happen? Aren't work and your assless chaps are on backwards. This is mortifying. How did this happen? Aren't all chaps assless?

Thank you, bro. I think that's the nature of chaps. Thank you, dog. It's a little bit redundant. Yeah. That's what the fuck we are. I'm so sick of people calling them assless chaps. Can we stop that?

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When it comes to insurance, it's nice to get it right. Head over to PolicyGenius.com. We should normalize. We need to come up with some things to normalize can we normalize a live show for the four of us just a live show where we sit on stage at a bar because we heard you guys got offered a show and you're like

nah we heard you guys said a resounding contractual offer no contractual offer what do you mean contractual offer there was a contractual official offer I what do you mean contractual there was a step in there was a contractual official offer i would have said yes and then it just ignored them up until the point where they got the point that it wasn't gonna happen yeah so you why do you why don't you want

to do it i don't know just why don't you do it with us why don't we just all link forces this has been i've been having fun we've been having fun i think i could do four i could do four but i just not not just me and kyle why no you're gonna be too funny i'm afraid that's the issue and it'll just be like it's fucked up to be too funny what if me and kyle went first and then you guys were just like well what do we do now yeah the crowd is too warmed up they'll laugh at anything how do we know if we're being funny probably just have her own show stick. Yeah. That's what you would have to resort to slapstick. You would have to physically hurt yourself.

I definitely would fall from the ceiling with a bunch of... What would your Yelp be if you fell through the ceiling? What would it sound like? I think it would be more like... Falling through ceiling. Falling through the ceiling is funny as fuck falling the hardest i ever laughed going back to titanic is when that guy jumped off the titanic but he hit the propeller and that dong that he hit me just have you seen that scene from the titanic

oh it's the funniest the ship's going down it was bowen yang is in the background just smirking in s in the next snl season he's gonna play the propeller they're gonna do a 15 minute sketch on it yeah and it's gonna crush i'm just doing my job it could work for any anything anything literally like he could play the corner of a table and someone stubs their toe that's way funnier yeah that's good that's a good couple's costume a corner and a toe yeah i just think it's bullshit that and someone steps on him they should have an actual boat play the titanic though it's just bullshit that he's playing the titanic as an asian dude one of the comments is like bowen just bowen just got himself a five-year contract. 20,000 likes.

I was like, I don't understand what has to be going on in your life to watch that and be like, this is the funniest thing I've ever seen. Yeah. Probably just like... I hate when people are content so easily because I think I'm jealous.

I hate that people have a different sense of humor as me. I hate when people don't think exactly what I think is funny. What aren't you getting? As I have. It is... I mean, I don't know. I guess I just don't know anyone

who thought it was funny. Like, I don't know who I would have to show it to to be like, you gotta watch this. You gotta meet more people then. You need to broaden your horizons. You need to fucking take a class. Take a cooking class.

Take a dance class. Take a dance class. Learn merengue. Nah. Get out and see the city, bro. Nah. You just live in this little bubble where you just go... I really actually think it's funny, though. What do you mean?

I think they did it just six years straight of just nonstop, just political consumption. Yeah. So they just have to like it. It's refreshing. I know what you mean that but it's also that nothing you can't like uh i don't know i was gonna say you can't make fun of anything anymore but that would just sound like the wackest corniest but you really can't you can't fucking make fun of anything anymore dude you can't make any fucking jokes any fucking more dude just fucking bullshit, dude. Just fucking bullshit, bro. And that's why we're doing this pod.

Because we don't play by the rules. Exactly. Fucking spit in the face of PC culture. I'll make fun of you for sleeping with somebody of the same sex, but I don't care. What aren't you getting? I'm going to relentlessly clown you, but I don't care. I'll stifle my own feelings of the same thing. That's how I'll deal with it.

There's a difference between being homophobic and just clowning on your boy. Yeah clowning on your gay homie yeah like just let me say it straight up there's a difference between fucking being homophobic and passing legislation against gay people being able to do anything that they want to do okay like it's out of my control let me me hate. Let me hate you. There's nothing I can do. Change the tide? Change the tide of America? KB was about to say something real. Kind of is true. You can't control hatred.

Yeah, hatred's natural. KB's true. West Virginia colors are coming out. Let out a yee-yee for us. Give us a squeal. So bad. What was that? Bill Sass thinks anybody who's not from the city squeals to communicate with each other.

I didn't. I didn't. I didn't mean that. I just wanted them to embrace our roots. I wanted them to overreact the laughter. He said that to people in Kansas City, which is like pretty Midwestern construction workers in Kansas City.

It's like, talk how you guys normally would with each other. Just squeal. Just squeal back and forth. We don't need to understand. Don't be afraid. We can edit and post. We can add subtitles. Roan didn't even edit the real sketch, so you can hear me in the background go,

okay, now laugh. That's funny. Which is way funnier. No, it would have been funnier if they didn't do that. If they thought you were making an actually funny joke. Or keep up the illusion. Those guys were great. If you had method acted.

Their bodies did not want to be in the video. The entire was like a pack of 10 of them, and they were the only ones who agreed to be in it. The time sass was fantasizing he was like dude i need to get some construction workers he has like a blue collar fantasy where he just like hangs out with a construction worker and we finally saw these 10 guys in yellow vests and we went up to them uh and 10 of them or eight of them said that uh that that it would be gay to be in it and the other two acquiesced. Those were the stars.

The other two, they were like, we were like, hey, do you guys want to... He was like, ah, he was smoking a cigarette. He was like, I can't. Busy. We were like, oh, no. It would be funnier if we were smoking to take the video. He was like, nah. We asked like five times

and they just did not want to do it. They thought it was... I understand. I understand why you don't. It is gay. The better you are at manual labor, the more gay you think being on a camera is. Or acting anything out.

100%. It's inherently feminine. Those guys are the types of guys that would stick their thumbs up each other's asses as a lark or something like that. They'll do gay shit on the job site, clowning around with each other, but something like acting is

gay to them. Those other guys, worst diets in the world. The construction workers? You ever see what they eat? They were at Slack. Men that pour concrete have the worst diets. Yes. These were plumbers. These were not construction workers. Anybody that's blue collar eats the best lunches, though.

Those dudes have the best lunches. They have access to the best lunch spots. They eat just snacks. No. Dude, they all had a plate of barbecue. It's chips. But they'll crush that during the day, but they'll also know what place by their job site has the best sandwiches, and they will go to those places every single day. They're also all jacked.

No. Plumbers? No. Construction workers are. No, they're strong, not jacked. Yeah. Strong is different from jacked. Terrible bodies, but jacked. Strong. Strong. Strong. They're stronger than any. That grows, but they can lift. They also have a sexy amount of body hair.

And women love them. Women love them. Women love them. What do we call women that chase construction workers? I'm trying to think. Labor whores. Beam queens. Yeah.

Fucking. Fuck. I know the event would be called a cement mixer. Yes. Fucking I don't know what the. The event. The orgy. Everyone's invited to a cement mixer.

You put your hard hat on and go home with someone else with a different hard hat. I know what you're doing. Don't confuse concrete guys with construction workers. Okay, you're right. That's true. That's true. You guys are the one thing I ask of you. Construction workers with plumbers. These were not construction workers. They're birds of a feather.

You know who fucks more than any of them? Exterminators. Exterminators fuck? Oh my god dude those guys will get in any hole exterminate that pussy it will cease to exist and that's what a woman wants to hear i really think that that's what women want exterminators are fucking down and dirty and personable and they can fucking hunt something down then they more important than anything they know how animals think. They know exactly how an animal thinks.

They know when an animal will come someplace, how to make an animal come. Exterminators, fuck. There's no doubt in my mind. Keep an eye out for them. And don't let one come around while your old lady is home because... Exterminators and handymen.

He gonna be fucked. Handymen. My chick's like bringing roaches home so she can cheat on me like honey they're back she's like going out she's like break bashing an ant farm open find a receipt from petco what the hell is this what is this a tarantula damn it i used to be a big ant farm guy when i lived in columbus i had an ant farm next to my bed no way yeah and uh there was a tornado that was like in columbus i had an ant farm next to my bed no way yeah and uh there was a tornado that was like in columbus and so everybody brought their pets out into the hallway

so i brought my ant farm and the pet owners were just so mad at me they're just like you think this is a joke it's like well i'm what i'm gonna let them die do you know the issues that would cause ecologically if i let this queen out i had to lie to get a queen ant in my farm because they just don't give away queen ants you just can't buy them you have to i had to lie to get a queen ant in my farm what lie did you tell just don't give away queen ants you just can't buy them you have to i had to like show my setup which was i exaggerate i was like i have another one on the way i feed them this diet and they're like all right you can you can you can have a queen what was your setup like because mine was just like the wall it was just like one flat transparent wall i had a wall and then i I went 3D with it. I cubed. Shut up.

Yeah. Oh, man. But then I left it open. I did. Everything but the queen escaped. They all went out to get food. I was like, oh, fuck. These are like really, really, really invasive.

They're industrious. Yeah. But they all come back and fuck the queen, though, right? They all come to fuck the queen. Yes. So it's not like they're going to leave permanently. I just closed the ant farm and threw it away. I moved out. White collar ant crimes.

What do you mean they all went out to get food? I would feed them, but I left it open. And so like, if you leave the thing open, they'll just go. They're like instinctively like, we have to go hunt. They're not just going to be like, I'm comfortable here. I didn't mean to.

I fed them and then I just left it open. I forgot. And and they're also so small like the tiniest crevice went out to hit the town ant farms are awesome they're industrious little fuck it was like three years ago they found a coca-cola it was two years ago and they fucking feasted they came back with sugar high years old no no this was i was 26 and that was right before i started working at barstow i threw away my ant farm when i moved to new york so you were 26 yeah i had it right next to my ant farm out into the hallway yeah the ant went out into the world this was like a little like a little boy no no this is like an apartment complex um and whenever you buy ants like online from ant distributors um they come in like a test tube and then the instructor you have to put them in the freezer for like exactly three minutes so they slow down but don't die and then

you just pour them into the your farm because if you but if you put them in for four minutes they'll all die they'll be dead as fuck i gave him a piece of bomb pop on fourth of july and i killed like 300 of them bomb pop yeah i think it froze them what's that that? The red, white, blue popsicle. I thought you meant B-A-L-M. I had a lot. I had two farms. You did have two farms. Who else had two? There was a couple kids that had two and one with three. No. No, I had the most.

You're a liar. I'm just picturing the ant fucking going out and finding a splotch of spilled Miller Lite and going back to the farm drunk as shit and like abusing the queen. Sit on your ass all day, bitch. It would probably

die. I can't go enjoy myself. I have to come home and fuck you. There's three other, there's 3,000 other men fucking you while I was gone. It's like the scene in Her. Fat bitch. What did you do? Just fucking lay on the fucking sand all day?

Wait, what was Her again? The robot movie. Not the robot movie. The guy in the movie. Joaquin Phoenix is dating the AI. He comes back and abuses the AI? No, but he talks to her. Why are you talking to me like

this how many men are you talking to right now and she's like 398 000 oh yeah oh god and he's he gets jealous of the ai yeah because he thinks it's like a personalized thing for him slut sass remember the skit we were gonna do that was a play on her yeah we should have done it it would have been hilarious i was actually gonna i was gonna text you last night and say we should do the uh the aids one where you like where you're where you were sitting at the bar and like a girl is coming to meet you like yo don't tell her i have aids hey guys like i really like this girl promise me you don't tell you won't tell her i have aids like i think tonight's the night promise me you won't ruin it by telling her I have AIDS.

And then we're going to do a skit called Slur. It was like her, but it just said... It just called minorities by names when you walked by them, the AI. Yeah, you should try that one. But yeah, we were going to do... You just bleep it out every time. It's the ultimate loophole.

I haven't seen her, but that still sounds funny. We wouldn't know what it says, but the consumer wouldn't. They would know. By the ethnicity. They'd have a general idea. But it would be their own internalized racism. Oh, wow. Yeah, wow. They would have to assume what the other thing was saying. Because then you put out another sketch where it's unbleaped and it's saying something nice.

They're saying very nice things. It's like you're actually racist for assuming that something bleeped is racist. It's a slur. Let for assuming that something bleeped is racist. It's a slur. Let's get the fuck out of here. Yeah. Let's wrap it up.

All right, guys. Thanks for listening. Check out Anus podcast as well. A new one told story. A new one told story. On Spotify? On Spotify? You want to know Spotify?

Yeah, we're on Spotify. Apple. What else? Rediscovering America. Rediscovering America. Rediscovering America. Rediscovering America. Rediscovering America for the boys. What's the other shit

that you guys do? That fucking, what you guys sell shit. Oh, the shopping network. Shopping network. We don't need to promote that. Yeah, we have. That's, that's,

if you guys have ever wanted to watch a 30 minute commercial, I highly recommend that. If you're listening to this or watching it on YouTube, please like it. Please like the video. It helps a lot.

Wait, oh fuck, I forgot we were filming because we don't film our podcast. I've just been like touching my dick a lot. Oh, that's okay. People will love that. I've been visibly autistic. Yeah, yeah, you have. I haven't been making it. My eyes have been looking down the whole time. I forgot that as well.

It helps to think. Blur me out on the YouTube. We'll cut you out. No, no, no, no. We'll blur out your penis area. I'm still thinking about doors. Same, bro. Same. Like, what the fuck?

Yeah. I feel like, Sass, you got real quiet when we started talking about doors. I did lose a little bit of interest. You've never thought about doors. Why? What the fuck? I was thinking about ending it there, to be honest. Why?

What's wrong with... I'm thinking about doors. You don't appreciate doors. And you have no door memories. It's like you just walk through doors and you just take them for granted. Every door you've ever walked through... We don't need to retouch on the door topic. I think we do.

I think this entire episode... Do not cut the door talk out. We don't cut. This all hinges on doors. This fucking... Let's get out of here. Alright, thanks for listening. Make sure to like the video if you're on YouTube, please. It helps. You said that already.

Let's get out of here.