Son of a Boy Dad - Son of a Boy Dad: Ep. 15 - Clip That

Episode Date: August 24, 2021

-- Sas & Rone discuss celebrity fast food meals, cop twitch streamers, the best and worst drugs, comedy roast battles & much moreYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Y...ouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, Son of a Boy Dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. What is up, everybody? Welcome back to Son of a Boy Dad podcast. Today is August 23rd. Wow. August just flew by, huh?
Starting point is 00:00:20 Seriously. And the weather is changing, too. It's been raining for the last three days. Welcome back to Son of a Boy Dad. I'm Lil Sass and I'm with Roan. I'm here. Lil Sass is producer Roan. Good to see you. Roan, my producer. Super producer, if I may.
Starting point is 00:00:37 I guess we're just going to chop it up. I mean, we kind of just got in a really big fight. We just got in a really big argument. It comes down to responsibilities at the end of the day. Rowan's lacking on his part for responsibilities. I just don't want to be responsible.
Starting point is 00:00:51 I just don't want to be responsible. Rowan's going on a third honeymoon. I have never been to Bali before. Rowan's going on a honeymoon to Afghanistan next week. It's beautiful this time of year. And the rates, I don't know why but the rates are so fucking good right now the rates are very low it's ten dollars they actually pay
Starting point is 00:01:10 you a hundred dollars just to get out there the airbnbs are fucking so cheap in afghanistan right now you can just fucking post up and in the exact airbnb that osama used to stay in yeah you can just cozy up behind this huge wall. So what is the whole thing with Afghanistan is that people are mad about, obviously, the Taliban. But I think it's like... It's just stage rights, really. Are they saying it's basically just like, so the U.S. did nothing? Like, basically, like, so what the U.S. did was just a waste of time?
Starting point is 00:01:38 Yeah, that we just went to war out there. For no reason. And then as soon as we left, the Taliban took over. Yeah, it just went back to how it used to be. Because we went out there to stop the taliban right we went out there because um the world trade towers got knocked down by and when was that uh i think it was like 20 2012 it was yeah that was the mayan thing it was 2011 that was a whole mind calendar 11 never forget that never forget that i heard forget that. I heard someone
Starting point is 00:02:05 the other day saying, they were saying a date of... We have a show coming up on September 11th, and then they... It was Brandon Wardell. It was not. It wasn't? No. He has a show on 9-11. He was like, this was the only date I could get. These people had forgotten that
Starting point is 00:02:21 9-11. They're like, wait, what day was the show again? It's like, how can you forget that it was on September 11th? Like it's the one memorable thing that's ever happened to me. I mean, September 11th this year is on a Saturday, I think. So it kind of is like kind of a party. There's going to be shit happening. It's kind of a fucking sick party day. Do you think that they planned it for the 20th anniversary to be on a Saturday?
Starting point is 00:02:45 Probably. Did you hear that McDonald's it for the 20th anniversary to be on a Saturday? Probably. Because that fucking... Did you hear that McDonald's is coming out with the Osama meal? What is it? It's just two large Cokes. No food. Just the tallest, skinniest Cokes. I mean, Saweetie has a meal.
Starting point is 00:03:01 I just saw that shit. Yeah. It's so funny watching these celebrities get meals and they just like take one bite of it and you can tell it's like their first time ever eating mcdonald's you don't think so we haven't had a carb in six years there's nibbling on the lettuce i feel like so weedy doesn't have a balanced diet at all i feel like so weedy doesn't give a fuck what she's eating is that how you say it so weweetie? Saweetie. Yeah, exactly. Saweetie. There's a BTS meal too, right? Yeah, I think so. And the Travis Scott meal, of course.
Starting point is 00:03:30 Of course. Dixie and Charlie have their meals over at Dunkin'. Does Dixie? I don't think Dixie has. Only Charlie's got one? Charlie has the Charlie. The Charlie at Dunkin', which is just a 30-ounce black coffee that will make you shit your brains out. I think it's actually the
Starting point is 00:03:47 opposite. I think it's like a small coffee and it's just like straight sugar. A large milk. That's the funniest part about all these meals is like it's just like a normal meal. They just like throw a name on it. The BTS meal was like 10 chicken
Starting point is 00:04:03 nuggets. Like can you swap out like uh like i know the so weedy is uh like right and like four nuggets or something like that but can you swap out a coke and it's not the so weedy anymore wouldn't be the so weedy yeah so you can't wouldn't be the so weedy so weedy the uh the travis scott meal was just like they were like they were like this is how travis scott likes his burger and it was like just like a burger with bacon on it and i was like that's how almost everyone likes their burgers except me i actually don't like bacon on my cheeseburgers shut up not even applewood no i think it's too much not even a smoked bacon i think the bacon takes away from the burger
Starting point is 00:04:35 bacon had a big craze in the right around the turn of 9-11 it was right after 9-11 that bacon got turned super hot yeah people exactly people, exactly. People couldn't cope. They couldn't trust their government anymore. They had to turn to obesity. And there was this big anti-Islamic undercurrent. So people wanted to eat a bunch of pig and try to get into things that are normally taboo in other cultures. It was brave of them, for sure. But people got fat, though.
Starting point is 00:04:59 People got fat. People gained a lot of weight. No one talks about the weight gain after the post 9-11 weight gain enough. It's like a postpartum depression. It's like postmortem depression. Everybody died and people were bummed out just fucking snacking on the freedom fries and all that kind of shit. Shout out Big Cat.
Starting point is 00:05:15 Shout out Big Cat. Just kidding. Don't shout out Big Cat. Oh shit. Wow. He already has enough fame as it is. We need to start taking some fame from people. We should chip away at some people's fame. I've been trying to think of how to sabotage people in here one by one. I had one sip of coffee before this and I'm just getting the jitters.
Starting point is 00:05:34 Really? Coffee is just the worst. I don't drink coffee ever, but I haven't had caffeine in like three days because I was just, I didn't leave my apartment for Saturday or Sunday because it was pouring and I was just like, eh. I thought you were supposed to go back to the homeland. I was, but I couldn't leave my apartment for Saturday or Sunday because it was pouring and I was just like, eh. I thought you were supposed to go back to the homeland. I was, but I couldn't because of the hurricane. I thought you were going south shore. I wouldn't have been able to get back.
Starting point is 00:05:51 My parents were like, you're not going to be able to get back if you go home because the trains are going to get canceled. I was like, I don't think they're going to get canceled. Why would they cancel the train because of rain? Then they got canceled. How does a train get canceled? It's landbound. I don't know, but that would have sucked. We would have been fucked. We would have had to record here
Starting point is 00:06:08 at like 2 a.m. tonight. We're going to have to eventually start recording at some dicey times. Our dedication to this podcast is going to get tested over the next couple months for sure. We're never missing an episode. We're probably going to give people extra episodes. We're probably going to sprinkle on
Starting point is 00:06:24 extra episodes here and there. But they're going to put our fucking feet to the fire. People liked the bonus episode last week. Why do you think they liked it? A lot of people were like, this is awesome. You guys should keep doing two episodes a week. Yeah, but that fucking bag, bro. We're dream chasers. We're like Meek Mill. I would like to do
Starting point is 00:06:39 two episodes a week, but also at the same time, I don't want to promise two episodes a week and then not be able to do two episodes a week. You know what I mean? And I feel like giving a random two episodes a week is but also at the same time, I don't want to promise two episodes a week and then not be able to do two episodes a week. You know what I mean? And I feel like giving a random two episodes a week is like, we're subverting the advertisers by sprinkling on an extra episode. Yeah. Do we have advertisers today? Oh, big time. We're about to have some new advertisers.
Starting point is 00:06:56 People want a fucking slice of the pie, dude. Yeah. Also, it's nice to loot the advertisers too, because we both pocket like 30k off of each ad. Yeah. That we say. Yeah. Not even each ad deal.
Starting point is 00:07:08 Oh, yeah. Yeah. Each ad that we even utter. What do you got a lot of ads that we just like blow over? We're like, oh, we don't want to work with them. Yeah. Sorry. We're not fucking around with the Burger King.
Starting point is 00:07:17 Yeah. Come on. That's how you saw what they tweeted about the women in the kitchen. Not for us. Not funny. Not funny and not for us. Not cool at all. The women women should be
Starting point is 00:07:25 liberated in many different ways. Women should be able to fucking spread their wings. Should never be in the kitchen. Should be a man's job to be in the kitchen. Should. That's how I fucking feel about it. You see that old Andrew Schultz bit, though, where he's like, all the countries where
Starting point is 00:07:41 women are oppressed and they have to spend a lot of time in the kitchen have the best food. Every one of those countries. Yes, they're forcing women into the kitchen, but it is fruitful in that these women have... But that wasn't the Burger King tweet was saying like women aren't allowed in the kitchen.
Starting point is 00:07:58 Like they were like women belong in the kitchen as in like they should be allowed to go in the kitchen if they allowed to go in the kitchen if they want to go in the kitchen. Burger King was saying that? Burger King's got its head so far up its ass it doesn't know which way it's up.
Starting point is 00:08:11 Burger King is like, the fact that Burger King is even a thing still. You have to find out. I haven't gone to Burger King in years. How are they even in the conversation? They have good burgers. They have good burgers. I like the char.
Starting point is 00:08:20 I enjoy the char. And I like their fries. But the fact that they're in the conversation, I only hear people exclusively talking negatively about Burger King. Honestly, I've stopped seeing them around, too. I have. There's no Burger... Actually, there's a Burger King pretty close to our office, but aside
Starting point is 00:08:34 from that, there's like three Burger Kings in New York. The only Burger Kings I see are right by Wayfair's, and it makes me think that they're trafficking children. Speaking of trafficking children, I think that... Let's get into these ads. I think that a large majority of stores in New York are
Starting point is 00:08:50 selling children or selling drugs. Really? Have we talked about this before? My theory on this? No, I don't think we have. There's a spy store next to our office. Yes, I know that one. On the second floor. I think that that's for fat guys who are getting cheated on.
Starting point is 00:09:08 For legitimate people who are trying to spy. Or Peeping Tom's. I thought it was a costume store. In what world does a spy store survive the pandemic, but decent restaurants don't? I mean, people just need more spy equipment now than ever. No, the answer is they're selling kids there's like 6 costume stores on this block
Starting point is 00:09:29 that's such a small storefront you think that selling kids would be more lucrative like they wouldn't have to have a fucking 10 foot by 2 foot storefront if they were actually selling kids there's fucking money in selling kids yeah but they need a front for something so you think it's this tiny front i think it's like a massive corporations are the spy store i think that whoever owned the spy store also owns all the costume stores on this block
Starting point is 00:09:55 there's definitely i went into the costume store there's like six employees not one person in there all these big big italian dudes like mafia guys and. And they're like, and I was like, do you guys have fake blood? And they were like, yeah, just give me a second. And he like runs into the back and gets it. And he was like, he bleeds one of the kids. He runs to the back and he gets it. And I'm like, how much? And he's like, just take it.
Starting point is 00:10:16 I was like, dude, we're in the middle of a pandemic. There's no way you can tell me that you can afford to just be giving away shit. Maybe they're wholesaling the costumes or something. But especially if it's big Italian dudes. Italian dudes don't traffic humans. Since when? You're thinking of Albanians. No, I'm thinking of Italians. No, you're thinking of
Starting point is 00:10:35 Hungarian dudes. No. You're not about to put this on Italians right now, especially after the Cuomo shit. They're already dealing with enough. Yeah, exactly. You can't be putting this bullshit on Italians that there's human trafficking going on. Italians are the ones to stop human traffic. They'll be the ones to
Starting point is 00:10:52 fucking intercede with their weird-ass police sirens. They definitely have some weird-ass sirens in Italy. They love stepping in. Yeah. Oh. Italians, believe it or not, Italians, as perverted as they are, they actually are extremely... Pick your next
Starting point is 00:11:07 words carefully, brother. They're actually extremely anti-human trafficking. It's actually a very well-known fact, which is why Cuomo thrived in the office. Exactly. When Cuomo was in the office, human trafficking cases dropped 90%, and that is a fact. That's personally
Starting point is 00:11:24 shocking to me. I know. That throws me for a lot of people don't. A lot of people are surprised by a fucking loop. No, there's a I was watching a fucking you back on TikTok. No. Did you watch the account? Yes, I did watch the account. Like it? Yes. I like good ass movie loves
Starting point is 00:11:40 the end. They made autism seem incredible. I was like, I wish I had autism when that when that ended. I was like, damn, I wish wish i had autism because no i've never watched like a action movie where someone's killing a bunch of people and i've been like i wish i could do this but then i watched that and i was like dude like imagine being able to just like see anyone being like oh i could take that person down easily yeah it's incredible it's uh also did you let's list the things that he got to do better because he was autistic murder Murder. He was incredible with a gun. His hand-to-hand combat was incredible.
Starting point is 00:12:08 He crunched numbers so fast he could digest numbers like nobody's business. He was brooding and mysterious to women. Yeah. It's the dopest thing that's ever happened to anybody. What did he... Oh, yeah, yeah, no. Did you predict the end? I knew they were gonna be... I knew they were brothers. They had to be brothers. Yeah, it made sense.
Starting point is 00:12:28 Did you predict the end end, though? What? What happened with the sister? No. Did you even put that together? No. What happened? Oh, Brody. No spoilers, but this is a little bit of a spoiler.
Starting point is 00:12:46 This came out in 1996. 2016, I think. 2016 this came out. The girl who at the beginning was bugging out because he couldn't find the puzzle piece, that was his sister. She was in the facility
Starting point is 00:13:02 the whole time typing instructions with the cool British woman voice. That was his sister the whole time typing instructions with the cool British woman voice. That was his sister the entire time. Oh, really? Yes, bro. So he was working with his sister and the brother was the bad guy. How fucking crazy is that shit?
Starting point is 00:13:18 Oh, I did not put that together at all. You might need to do a rewatch, bro. Yeah, I might have to. I'm really bad with movies. I pause them every 20 seconds and I'm really bad with movies. I paused them every like 20 seconds and I miss a lot of shit. It feels like that movie I didn't. That movie I was pretty sucked in and I
Starting point is 00:13:31 finished the whole thing. Also, have you ever seen The Town with Ben Affleck? Yes, great movie. The ending of that movie and the ending of The Account were very similar. How they make it be like he gives something to the girl and then the girl and then he's like oh, I'll see you again someday. Yeah, that's an easy way out of movies.
Starting point is 00:13:47 That was like a kind of like triple X, right? Two or something like that. I don't know. I was just thinking because they're both Ben Affleck. And it was like in that one, he gives he gives the girl the painting and then like some note or some shit. And then the other one, he gives the girl the oranges and all the money. Yeah, it doesn't... It's just... I'm a big Ben Affleck guy. I'm a sufferer.
Starting point is 00:14:07 I'm a sufferer for an Affleck movie. Whether he's the cool guy or he's the autistic accountant, either way. He was awesome. He was great in that movie. Doesn't it seem like the world is kind of hurtling towards like labeling people two ways. Either you're super focused and the world will say you have autism
Starting point is 00:14:23 or you can't focus at all and the world will say that you have ADD. There's just two camps that everybody is looped into. They said one in six people have autism and it made me want to get a test. Because you're hoping for it? I don't think I have autism, no. I don't think I'm smart enough.
Starting point is 00:14:41 Is that a stereotype? Am I not supposed to say that? That you're not smart enough? That's a positive stereotype. Yeah. I don't think I'm smart enough, but I do think I'm socially awkward enough. Okay, okay. So there's hope for you then. Yeah. I also do have ADD.
Starting point is 00:14:56 There it is. There it is. It's out. Do what you want with that. That's brave of you, brother. Thank you for... It's been ruining my life for the last 18 years. Oh, man. But I mean, kudos to you because the first step is kind of coming to grips with it and just being like, hey, this is me.
Starting point is 00:15:15 ADD is the most fake mental or learning disability that there is. Everyone has ADD. It's just so easy. It's just a way for doctors to prescribe you Adderall when you're like six. Yeah. It's so easy to diagnose or just so many things could be it. Yeah. It was like,
Starting point is 00:15:31 I didn't care about school and they were like, Oh, you have ADD. He doesn't like math. Yeah. ADD. Something is wrong with this child. He's got ADD.
Starting point is 00:15:40 He doesn't, he doesn't care about this history textbook that was written 200 years ago. The pages smell like sleep and he can't pay attention somehow. They literally had me on Adderall when I was in fifth grade and it affected my mood a lot. I had no personality. And my mom told my doctor and he was like, well, we're probably going to have to put him on some antidepressants. And I was like, why don't we just take me off of the off of the fucking Adderall I was like Adderall Vyvanse concert I took all of them yeah Stratera I was just like but I wouldn't focus on
Starting point is 00:16:13 school I would just like be like oh look at that cloud outside and then stare at it for like an hour straight it's ADD bro yeah or actually you were probably a weed head you probably were just a low-key weed head. In fifth grade? Yeah, probably. Nah. You just hadn't, you didn't get the weed to be able to deal with it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:30 The fact that you're just like cloud gazing. You're just staring at the clouds. Nowadays, they're prescribing weed instead of Adderall. Are they? No. You know, Adderall is the most prescribed drug in the world, though. It's like 30 million people are prescribed Adderall or something like that. It's so easy to get.
Starting point is 00:16:44 Might be that a year honestly and i know tons of people who have like five different flavors of adderall prescribed to them it's like we have the time time lapse we have the five milligrams we have the 30 milligram extended release you can get an 80 milligram that'll knock you off your socks and have you like biting through your fucking upper jaw just grinding your teeth i was on like 200 i was on 80 milligrams a day of stratero what was uh what i was actually on and that zombies you the fuck out it makes you into like you're not a human yeah i was on full full mic zombie mode it was um but but the great my grades were fucking so my grades were not my grades skyrocketed. But that's bullshit though because everybody's on it.
Starting point is 00:17:27 If I was introduced to Adderall now and not that, because I see people take Adderall all the time. Obviously, everyone takes Adderall. Now I'm always like, oh, I don't know how they're taking that. It used to make me feel so shitty. But if I was introduced to it now and it's like, oh, I'm going to go do this podcast
Starting point is 00:17:43 or I'm going to go take this test and you're just like, oh, you're just popping Adderall before? I would introduced to it now and it's like, oh, I'm going to go do this podcast or I'm going to go do this, take this test. And you're just like, oh, you're just popping out at all before. I would definitely take it now. I used to do it for battle raps. I would just like it's like a performance enhancing drug. Yeah. Like it makes you just a little bit sharper. I used to when I was younger, I was I was I had a trampoline and I was always trying to look.
Starting point is 00:17:59 I was trying to land a front flip. Fuck. Could you do a backflip or just. No, no. I couldn't commit to the back flip. You don't have the ass for it, to be honest. I would consistently try and do a front flip, but I never could.
Starting point is 00:18:11 Then I took Adderall one day, and I was just banging out front flips. I swear to God. My mom was like, it's the Adderall. My mom said it was a positive thing. I was like, that shouldn't be a good thing that I'm now able to do it. My mom would have me take it before I would go to my hockey
Starting point is 00:18:28 games. Shut up. I think eventually I was in 8th or 9th grade and I was like, I'm done taking this. You were scoring 8 goals a game. You were like, this is boring for me. I was like 40 pounds underweight in 9th grade. I score whenever I want and I do a backflip on ice. Adderall sucks.
Starting point is 00:18:44 I could never even imagine taking that shit anymore. I think a lot of people really like Adderall. They do. I know people's parents that are like, do you have any Adderall? Like, do you have any? I'll be like, I have Coke. They're like, no, I don't like Coke. I want to do Adderall.
Starting point is 00:18:58 I need Adderall. Like, I want that. I want the good stuff. And people really think it is the good stuff. Because it's just meth. Yeah. But it's more than meth though. Do you snort
Starting point is 00:19:08 Adderall or do you just take it? What is the point of snorting Adderall? Do you get high from it or is it just kicking quicker? It kicks in quicker. It takes like 10 minutes to kick in. Sometimes people don't have 10 minutes. They love just filling their nose. Time is money, bro. It is fun to snort stuff sometimes people don't have 10 minutes, alright? I love just filling their notes. Time is money, bro.
Starting point is 00:19:26 And it is fun to snort stuff. You don't think so? I've never snorted anything, except for, what's it called? The tobacco. What is that? Snuff? Snuff? Snuff? I've done that. That feels even weirder to snort. That was pretty cool. It felt like I just snorted a menthol
Starting point is 00:19:42 cigarette. That doesn't sound cool. It was. What scenario were you in? I was at a snuff party Were you at a saloon in the 1800s? No I was with Wonton Don He would have some snuffs Were you doing some snuffs?
Starting point is 00:20:00 Just like recreationally? Were you trying to KB and Nick went through a weird phase Where they were just doing it all the time. That was definitely their sneaky way of just doing actual drugs. No, it wasn't. Anytime... Maybe KB is not Nick's.
Starting point is 00:20:13 Why? He's too scared? I think so. You're saying that boy's a yeller of cocaine? I don't do drugs, bro. Let's make that clear. Can we rewind to earlier in the episode when you were like, I was on Adderall, Scritera. That's prescription.
Starting point is 00:20:29 The only drug that I could see myself getting addicted to realistically is Ativan. Because that shit is just like the God. That's God's drug. Why? What does it make you feel like? Like I'm a piece of butter on top of flapjack. That should be the fucking commercial. That's pineapple express no but that's what it feels like like i take that i take it before my plane i i took like my plane i take it before i fly and uh do you have my plane ready i take it before i
Starting point is 00:21:00 fly and i'm just walking around the airport with like a smile on my face. And you don't even like remember taking off. It's so nice because I hate flying. I think it's like I think the reason that I enjoy it so much is because I hate flying so much. And it like makes me not have to think about that. It takes away the scariness. Yeah, really. There's like it doesn't really do anything.
Starting point is 00:21:19 It just makes you feel like calm. You're not that scared of flying. You're not that scared, period. I used to think that you're the scared guy. But then you go in the studio with Benny Butcher. You're not scared of flying you're not that scared period i used to think that you're the scared guy but then you go in the studio with benny butcher you're not scared of that you're this some other thing happened where you weren't scared where i expected you to be scared um you go on hikes all the time scenarios where i well i actually am scared most of the time that i'm hiking which is funny it just keeps you on edge i really don't like the feeling of not being able to breathe and when we're that's weird when we most people enjoy that no really don't like the feeling of not being able to breathe.
Starting point is 00:21:46 That's weird. Most people enjoy that. No, I don't like the feeling of when you get up high and you can't get a full breath of air. Yeah. I mean, you need to breathe. You need to be able to breathe. None of my friends notice it and I'm sitting there and we're taking 10 steps.
Starting point is 00:21:59 My heart's exploding out of my chest. But it's your favorite hobby and favorite type of exercise. It is. Oh, easily. Because that only lasts for like 30, 40 minutes. You need to be able to, you need to expand your lungs. Yeah. I've heard that life expectancy is lung capacity is directly
Starting point is 00:22:16 correlated to life expectancy. So if you got big ass lungs, you're going to live longer. More important than diet, I heard. Just having huge lungs. More important than diet, exercise. My exercise needs to be long if you're just if you're just one big lung then you're gonna live a long ass time you need both lungs
Starting point is 00:22:33 don't some people have like a metal lung an iron lung an iron lung yeah for sure but I think that you do need both I would take a third though I would love a third I just stack up on lungs why not have more lungs both i would take a third though i would love a third i just stack up on lungs why not have more lungs inside your body like a third nostril too maybe just like a drain at the top oh like like a trumpet like a release valve that you could just get snot out of you
Starting point is 00:22:55 could just press on a little trumpet when i'm bored i just look up shit that's like happening inside your body like i look up like what does a stuffy nose look like inside your body and it doesn't look like anything it's not cool i bet not you'd expect it to be like a backup of fluid like going from like here like all the way up here but really it's just like a swollen like it's just like allergies it's not like anything interesting you know what's uh some some stats that i feel like are bullshit inside the body is like whenever they tell you that you could like lay out your intestines and it would be like 85 miles it's like what the fuck are we talking about yeah it makes sense i mean i think they say that the large intestine or maybe it's the small intestine because the small intestine is bigger than large
Starting point is 00:23:32 yes that's the one that unspools like it's like 30 feet long i think yeah it's like i think it's even longer than that it might be like preposterously long no wonder you're getting constipated all the time like no no wonder you got people get constipated all the time. No wonder people get constipated. It's probably all just like... It's just a knot of shit. It's like having to go through a whole balled up ball of yarn. Two days ago, I looked up what does it look like when you're constipated inside your body. Nothing.
Starting point is 00:23:55 It's not cool at all. Really? Your whole intestines are just shit filled, but it's not. They should have some type of cross-section of human beings where you can see inside them yeah there was this dude who uh he got shot and he got like shot through i think his chest or something and the doctors could see his heart and they were like we're gonna just like not close this hole up and we're just gonna study your heart
Starting point is 00:24:23 and they studied this dude's heart for like 12 years of his life. Like they just like looked inside of his body, but it probably sucked. It probably just constantly bleeding. Uh, I'm not sure how that worked, but I think it was like an open wound where they could see inside of him and he was just so tired.
Starting point is 00:24:37 That sounds like that would get so infected so fast and just like just so tired. I got a shit ton of money. Yeah. They must've been paid. But they said that he like escaped for five years and like they finally like caught up to him like several states over. He wasn't getting paid. Like get back in there.
Starting point is 00:24:53 Yeah. We need to keep prodding you. Maybe it was like an agreement because like all bullet wounds are reported to the police. It could be some shit like that. Maybe they were like we won't report it to the police if you do if you agree to do this for 12 years. It's definitely better. I was gonna say I'd rather just go to prison for 12 years, but you definitely wouldn't. But you don't even go to prison for getting shot. They had to have been able to patch that
Starting point is 00:25:12 shit up. I mean, what scenario are you getting shot? There's very, very small scenarios where you're getting shot, where something is illegal. Is it not happening? Probably not on your part. Maybe he didn't want to snitch maybe he's seen enough 40 days in or uh uh 30 days for first 48 first 48 first 48 is what i'm thinking of what
Starting point is 00:25:33 is that you've never seen first 48 no i thought it was 30 days the prison the first 48 is like there's a murder it's on a and e or something like that there's a murder and you have 48 hours to catch whoever did it or else the chances of finding out who did it go down extensively. Oh yeah, because like 50% of homicides in the United States aren't solved. Is that true? Yeah. That makes me want to get away with murder. That's true, right?
Starting point is 00:25:55 50% of homicides in the United States aren't solved? I'll buy it. That makes me... Because people keep on getting... People are mad at me because they think I just make shit up. I don't make shit up. Unless I'm joking. Like the Osama Bin Laden meal at McDonald's isn't actually happening. That was at Buffalo Wild Wings.
Starting point is 00:26:13 Two towers in the middle of their life. Yeah. 40%. 40%. So that's pretty good. You were pretty close on that. And that's also like damn near a coin flip that if you kill someone, you're getting away with it.
Starting point is 00:26:27 Damn near a coin flip. When I was in Wyoming, we drove to the mountain. The mountain was two hours away. The second half of the drive, so an hour outside of the mountain, we did not have service. Like complete dead.
Starting point is 00:26:43 Like highways, completely no service. And then the whole entire hike, we didn't have service like complete dead like highways completely no service and then the whole entire hike we didn't have service like like not one bar like it was just dead and i was like dude like out like if you got in a car crash out here the police wouldn't even be able to like you wouldn't be able to call the police yeah how is the what's the road like like if you go off the road you're just a windy road? Yeah, the whole thing was just windy highway. So if you picked a random spot and went 200 yards off the road, you could just leave a dead body and nobody would ever find it? No one would ever find it.
Starting point is 00:27:14 That's so sweet. Yeah. We stopped at a rest stop and we were the only people there. There wasn't even anyone inside. We just went and used the bathroom. Did you ever make pacts with your boys when you were young that if you murdered someone, they would help you get rid of the body? No. Really?
Starting point is 00:27:30 I don't have it in me to kill. You made those pacts, Owen? It's like if I ever kill someone, I can call you up and no questions asked. You'll help me get rid of the body? No. You don't have real friends. Yeah, maybe not. Damn. That's some pussy shit, bro. So what would you do if you wound up killing somebody? It's almost like your hands are tied.
Starting point is 00:27:45 If I ever killed someone, I would definitely turn myself in. I wouldn't be able to live with that. Really? You're a guilt-ridden individual? Yeah. That's tough. I would not be able to live with that. Damn, you'd just be thinking about it every day, seeing the face of the person that you strangled to death?
Starting point is 00:27:59 Yeah, probably. That sucks, bro. Me? Nah. You've probably killed people before I'm not telling you're from Philly yeah bro we fucking at least kill like a robot well at least beat the shit out of whatever robot you send our way I could kill a robot
Starting point is 00:28:15 you think no you get too guilty about it no I robot has a family I killed a bird one time one accident I cried I killed it with a baseball you Randy Johnson now I hit a family. I killed a bird one time on accident and I cried. I killed it with a baseball. You Randy Johnson? No, I hit a baseball or it was a wiffle ball actually.
Starting point is 00:28:30 I hit a wiffle ball and the bird died. Hit the bird. No fucking way. Yes. There's no... The strongest human being... It was in front of my entire family
Starting point is 00:28:41 and my extended family. And then we went on a walk, which I didn't really put the pieces together until I was a little older. Right after. And then we went on a walk, which I didn't really put the pieces together until I was a little older. Right after that happened, we went on a walk, and my uncle stayed back, and he was going to save the bird. He killed it. That bird did not live.
Starting point is 00:28:55 Everyone was like, yeah, the bird flew away. That thing was dead as fuck as soon as I hit it. It fell out of the sky. With a wiffle ball? Yes. A wiffle ball is a hollow piece of plastic that has holes in it to make it go slower. When you got Big Poppy Jr. behind the bat.
Starting point is 00:29:12 I don't know, dude. You couldn't shoot a wiffle ball out of a Gatling gun and kill a fucking... You could kill it. Birds are fragile. But so are wiffle balls. Wiffle balls do not go that fast. A wiffle ball wouldn't even make a mark if it got hit as hard as it could at a human being.
Starting point is 00:29:29 Yeah, that's probably true, honestly. But it killed the bird. I don't know what you want me to say. It killed the bird. Your parents probably just wanted you to feel tough. Like, oh yeah, you definitely killed that bird. So I watched it fall to the ground and then it was struggling, trying to get back up.
Starting point is 00:29:43 And that thing was so dead. If it wasn't dead then, it was like struggling like trying to get back up and that thing was so dead if it wasn't dead then it was gonna die within the next minute it's just stumbling back and forth no it like was like flailing around like it couldn't even stand up did it like break an arm or anything like that so i think it broke the wing damn and at that point you just gotta step on it you should have rehabbed it no you thought i was a monster for going to a cockfight at least they weren't dying at my hands at least i wasn't the fucking executioner you were a monster for going to the cockfight i was just part of the eating each other i was just part of the crowd so strange you like bet on that just kidding you don't have to say i couldn't it was they were only betting
Starting point is 00:30:19 in spanish i would have bet on it but like they were just taking bets live in spanish i don't have good enough spanish to be able to bet on that kind of shit i would have bet on it, but like they were just taking bets live in Spanish. I don't have good enough Spanish to be able to bet on that kind of shit. I would have though. I have good enough Spanish. Would you have gone to an execution back in the day? No. Depends on who it is. Like at the end of the Ted Bundy tapes, like they all go
Starting point is 00:30:37 to the, it's like in Florida and they're like, it's like, looks like they just fucking, it looks like a tailgate for like the Super Bowl. I think that's how executions used to be. And the guy comes out and he just gives them a wave. And everyone goes nuts. Ted Bundy did?
Starting point is 00:30:53 No. Oh, the executioner. The executioner gives him a wave. The axeman. He's just a superstar. I think he got the chair. But still, I think don't... Can't you go to the chair? People would sit three rows deep at the chair or at a lethal injection and just watch.
Starting point is 00:31:07 Probably, but with a case that big, I'm assuming it was probably overpacked. Oh, there was like a stadium. There was like thousands of people there. They had to get Webster Hall and just sell it out. That's crazy that there used to be a thing. But that's the thing. People like that probably don't give a...
Starting point is 00:31:22 I don't really get the whole death penalty thing because it's like Ted Bundy would either have spent his entire life in prison or he would have died in prison. Or he would have gotten the death penalty. He's going to die either way in jail. Who gives a fuck if it's now or in 20 years? Yeah. People are just
Starting point is 00:31:38 vindictive. They want an eye for an eye. Yeah. Charles Manson died recently, right? Did he? Yeah. I thought he was still posted up making spiders out of hair that people sent him in envelopes and shit. Women loving him. Now that's crazy. The I don't know. The goths across
Starting point is 00:31:53 America flicking their bean to Charles Manson. They got a letter back. Dude too. Yeah. Yes, dude. Charles Manson's busted as fuck, bro. Ugly ass dude, bro. Don't kill me but uh all the shit you're fugly charles manson was whatever the ted bundy thing i didn't really understand i never really understood like the whole like oh he's so handsome which is why he got away with all
Starting point is 00:32:15 these murders it's like no it seemed like everyone else was just like really stupid like everyone involved in like that was also the gilded age of murder like anyone could murder anybody you could get away with so much shit back then the fact that 40% of murders are still going unsolved today like think about what it was like back then yeah you probably could like kill someone they like got a description
Starting point is 00:32:37 of him they had like a perfect drawing of him and they had his car and they just like couldn't get him can't we can't not enough evidence yeah we can't make this bust and then they pulled him car and they just like couldn't get him. Can't. We can't. Not enough evidence. We can't make this bust. And then they pulled him over and he just had like 10 murder weapons in his car.
Starting point is 00:32:51 The founding fathers made it tough for you to pin a murder on somebody. You actually have a right to do that. You actually have the right to carry a gun and have a dead body in your trunk. Unless they find the head. Wasn't that the Fred Durst? Or no, not Fred Durst. Robert
Starting point is 00:33:07 Durst. Do you remember the Robert Durst documentary? No, I've never seen that. Basically, he chopped off somebody's head. They could never find the head so they never could pin the murder on him. He like threw the head in a river and since they didn't have the head, like they couldn't pin the murder on him. That's crazy. I think
Starting point is 00:33:23 if you kill someone though and hide in the body and just the constant fear that someone's going to find the body would be so shitty. Yeah. Probably driving back to that spot every morning, making sure it's still there. I feel like that's a surefire way to get caught though. I feel like that's kind of a tell.
Starting point is 00:33:39 They always find the body. Do they? Yeah. No, they only tell you about when they find the body. That's the PR from the police department. That's PDPR. They just wanted to make it look like they're finding the bodies, but they're not telling you about the bodies they never found. And those are the people that are fucking getting human trafficked,
Starting point is 00:33:58 and they have to... Did you see that there's a new online poker game or some shit? Like a new online gambling thing is banned in the US? Oh, yeah. The Nelk boys were playing it and shit. Were they playing it? Is it that one? It's like these women tellers, but they think that they're all like being human trafficked, that they think that they're like tied to their chairs or something.
Starting point is 00:34:17 One of the women passed out in her chair and they had to like bring her out with the chair. And they're like, why are they bringing the chair with her? They think that these women are like tied to the chairs as they're like dealing these online they bringing the chair with her? They think that these women are tied to the chairs as they're dealing these online games or some shit like that. I'm familiar with that. Yes, they are. They are human trafficking. As a gambling dude, you would fucking know. What's the game called?
Starting point is 00:34:36 No Limit Holder. Wait, I'm so lost. Is this part of the game? No, this is an added bonus. That's so weird yeah human trafficking you're like a weirdo if you're human trafficking that shit's not right that shit's not cool or just super uncool
Starting point is 00:34:52 like if you're human trafficking cut that shit out man son of a boy dad podcast told you to leave that shit behind because it's not right you're super sus if you're human trafficking like if you're kidnapping a woman in the 90s and drugging her for over three decades and tethering her to a chair to make her play some kind of online video game, stop it. Just stop doing that.
Starting point is 00:35:12 That's so weird. When did this happen? Recently? Yeah. I think it's actually just... We're in the midst of it. It's banned by the United States, but it's got to be going on in other countries. What's it called?
Starting point is 00:35:20 Didn't they just ban some other gambling thing? The one that Steve Will Do It was doing where he was making millions of dollars every day? Oh yeah. It was like slot machines, right? Yeah. And Steve was making millions? I think he was losing millions too, though.
Starting point is 00:35:38 They would just play it until they won and then they would post the clip of him winning. That's like the cops finding the bodies. They'll look for bodies until they find one. Then they'll just post about it. Then they'll just be like, oh, look, we found this body. On his dash cam. Clip that shit.
Starting point is 00:35:54 Clip that shit. Imagine a cop in a shootout yelling into his dash cam. Clip that. He's just streaming. Oh my god, clip that, dude.
Starting point is 00:36:12 That's probably happened. There's probably been a cop who's like a Twitch streamer. He's like Twitch streaming on the side and he's like posted up at like a shootout kneeling down. He's like, thanks for the bits. He's one shot on me yeah big titties 200
Starting point is 00:36:31 thank you for the subscription how he's just dodging bullets oh my god dude I mean it's kind of like it kind of makes sense as an idea that all cops dash cams should be live. Should be live. It will probably happen one day.
Starting point is 00:36:49 It would help with transparency, but also like the clips would be incredible. Clip that shit. Clip that. Oh my God. Did you see what I just did? Holy fuck. After like arresting, like, I don't even know. I'm trying to think of like a scenario where that would be awesome.
Starting point is 00:37:04 They like barrel roll in their car and like dive out to like clip that shit. Clip that. I just stopped the shoplifter. Clip that. Imagine just like a police officer, like brutally beating the fuck out of like a, like a shoplifter. Clip that. Put that. Oh my God.
Starting point is 00:37:22 That's making my reel. Yeah. Put that on the patreon that's gotta have happened like there's gotta be some sort of cough out there who's like posting clips on like day on like patreon subscribe like they should have like planting drugs in someone's car the way that ncaa athletes have been able to like get their own likeness yeah cops should be able to get their own likeness they should fight for their own they They should be able to put out clips of their own shit. So they can stop making TikToks.
Starting point is 00:37:47 Sell their jerseys and their badges and shit. Cops TikToks are the worst. When they just dance or in their car. Yeah, it's like them and their partner. They're just sitting there lip syncing fucking Jack Harlow songs. Just singing industry baby.
Starting point is 00:38:05 The worst TikToks. The worst TikToks are the ones that are like the lawyers. Because they're super well produced. They're like, if you ever get pulled over by a cop, this is what you should do. And then they zoom into them in a car. Being shit-faced.
Starting point is 00:38:23 Are you shit-faced behind the wheel wheel this is a way to get out of it stop let me talk to my lawyer first you just murdered six people never answer any questions if you run over a small family that's your first step you ever get arrested for jaywalking this is what you should do it's always the same dude too yeah. Yeah, it is. And he's got numbies. Oh, yeah. He's got an incredible... It's because little kids see that and they're like, oh, okay, I'm going to save these for when I'm older. And you know there's some little kid out there
Starting point is 00:38:53 who's tried that shit. Will those little kids turn into the ones... His dad's at the steering wheel. His dad's at the steering wheel and he's blackout drunk talking to the cop and the kid's scrolling through his liked TikToks trying to find what to do.
Starting point is 00:39:08 Dad, don't tell him. You don't have to answer him, Daddy. You don't have to tell him anything, Daddy. You're within your rights. Ask him if you're being detained, Daddy. This lawyer I follow on TikTok says you don't have to do anything they tell you. Am I being detained, Daddy? Don't you not have to take a
Starting point is 00:39:24 breathalyzer, but they just arrest you on the spot if you don't you not have to take a breathalyzer but they just arrest you on the spot if you don't i think it's state by state yeah i think i heard that i think i learned that in driver's ed like you don't have to do a breathalyzer test but if you don't then they have the right to i don't know if they arrest you but they take your license i think in new jersey you don't have to submit and they'll just like take your car and maybe there's like a blood work thing or something like that yeah but in pennsy, they will lock you up right away. You can't refuse it. Even those kids though,
Starting point is 00:39:48 who wind up just learning everything that the lawyer teaches them, they definitely go outside police stations and just like film the cops until cops come outside and they're like, what are you doing here? Oh yeah. It's like, I know my rights. Those are my favorite rabbit holes to fall into.
Starting point is 00:40:01 I'll watch those videos for like three hours straight. Yeah. I know my rights thing is funny because no one ever actually does that shit in the moment. You would probably do some shit like that though. I know the cheat codes. You're definitely the kind of person to get pulled over and you've instantly just got six cameras out.
Starting point is 00:40:16 No, I told you I used to be like that and now I just, I go belly up on the cops. I'm just like, yes, sir. Sorry, sir. Do you need your dick rubbed? Do you need your badge polished, sir? Because I can help you out with that. I got pulled over like three times in one week going into college.
Starting point is 00:40:32 And that was like, I had eventually I started to think that they had like a hit out for me. Like I thought like they were like, oh, there he is. Let's pull him over. You're paranoid. I got like a $300 ticket. You just see like helicopters in your rear view it's like they're fucking following me dude i got i remember driving past a cop and i was going so
Starting point is 00:40:50 slow and i see the cop turn like he's like he's like facing he's i'm driving the way the way that he's like facing so there's goes a little sasquatch again and i go and i'm around i'm gonna get him now and i look at my rear view mirror and he's my rear view mirror and he's turning around to follow me and then he pulls me over and he's like you have a headlight out and I was like I know you just busted for me for this yesterday what happened to double jeopardy officer I
Starting point is 00:41:15 used to be so paranoid about the police in high school like I would go to my friend's house and they would all like smoke weed and then my headlight would be out and I would be like dude like I wouldn't even smoke weed but I'd be like dude like they're gonna smell the weed on me and I'm all like smoke weed and then my headlight would be out and I would be like dude like I wouldn't even smoke weed but I'd be like dude like they're gonna smell the weed on me and I'm gonna get pulled over because of my headlight and the ride home I would just be like
Starting point is 00:41:31 it would just be a battle with myself the entire way completely ruins the weed smoking experience I would just be so convinced that I was gonna get pulled over because of my headlight and then they were gonna smell the weed and then I would have to be like oh my friends were smoking weed I wasn't and I'd give them the address to my friend's house. Yeah, you would have to dox your friends.
Starting point is 00:41:48 You'd be left with no choice. Do we have any fucking ads? Yeah. Yeah, bro, because I don't have them on my phone. So maybe my phone's broken. Maybe I just didn't. I hope my phone is broken. It must be my phone being broken because I know you
Starting point is 00:42:03 sent them. I know you sent them. I'm positive of at least that part of it. Go off the Wi-Fi. Bro, I'm not on that Wi-Fi. Never have been. Go on the Wi-Fi. I don't have a Wi-Fi password. At the company that I work with, I don't have the Wi-Fi.
Starting point is 00:42:19 I don't even have a laptop. Should we just freeball the ads? We'll spit. I'll just cut this. I'm sending it to you right now. No, no, don't do not cut this. Nothing gets cut. Crack an uncuttable joke real quick.
Starting point is 00:42:33 Sass. Some relatable shit. Give me something out of your five. I don't know, man. I'm sick. I think I might have COVID. What were you doing that would put you in a position? Even though it doesn't exist? The plandemic.
Starting point is 00:42:48 The scandemic. That's a fucking fact, bro. I had some... I honestly think I might have it, though. I'm sick. My eyes feel heavy. I'm just going to nap for the rest of the episode. Bro, why would you get in close quarters with me
Starting point is 00:43:03 knowing that you got the cocoa? Do you think that's safe? I don't have it. Do you think it's safe? I don't have it, bro. I'm vaxxed. Except apparently you can get it these days. Well, I think it's simply safe. Is how I would label it. I think it's safe.
Starting point is 00:43:19 Yeah, I think it's simply safe. Wait. Yeah. Yes. It's about security, really. And if you're tired of going to the spy shop to buy your own security, if you're tired of having to call on the law and hoping that they clip it whenever they're catching the perp that's running through your house, just go to SimpliSafe.
Starting point is 00:43:44 SimpliSafe Home Security. When SimpliSafe Home Security founders Chad and Eleanor Lawrence designed their first security system in their kitchen, they did it for a very personal reason. Their friends had just had their home broken into. They were struggling to find a security system that was simple to set up and it would make them feel safe again. And if you're listening to us, if you're a homeowner, if you're renting, if you're in college and you live in a house where you're sure that people are about to break into your shit, set up SimpliSafe, get SimpliSafe and make SimpliSafe part of your life because they've been making people feel safe. And that's what SimpliSafe has been doing since that moment 15 years ago when they first
Starting point is 00:44:29 kicked things off. A passion to protect people not only drives every engineering detail in the products, but it motivates every interaction with the customers. And the thing is, SimpliSafe just makes it so easy. It's about two minutes to customize the system on their website. SimpliSafe.com slash son. SimpliSafe has highly trained security experts. And it's just good shit is how I would.
Starting point is 00:44:59 Go watch The Accountant with Ben Affleck. That's what the SimpliSafe experts are like. It's a guy with with a 50 cal gun that he's holding in his shoulder you just if you just ring simply safe they'll come into your house and they will they'll shoot they're shooting everybody a genius accountant who has aim like chris kyle will fucking snipe the fuck out of whatever bad guy even if it's just your landlord and he's coming into your house without your permission simply safe will deal with them, execute them, and get rid of the body with no fuss and absolutely
Starting point is 00:45:29 no muss. SimpliSafe hates more than a nosy landlord. And they're the fucking worst. And the best part is it's legal. Yeah, exactly. They can kill and it's legal. You stand your ground. Or there's some name for that. Something domain? Stand your ground. No, there's something else. There's like
Starting point is 00:45:45 Castle Law. Is that what it's called? Castle Law? Castle Law? Castle Law. What the fuck is it called where you can just kill anybody in your own house? It's in like Florida, I think. It's like a Florida thing. Castle Doctrine.
Starting point is 00:46:00 The doctrine that states that if a person's dwelling or occupied building is being invaded or burglarized, the occupant can use deadly force without a warning shot. That's awesome. How fire is that? Holy shit, that's in like half the United States. Yeah. And if you're in that half, you can get Simply
Starting point is 00:46:17 Safe. And if you're in the other half, you can also get Simply Safe. And as a listener or son of a boy dad, you can even get 20% off your Simply Safe security system and your first month for free when you sign up for interactive monitoring service. Just visit SimpliSafe.com slash son to customize your system and start protecting your home and family. That's SimpliSafe.com slash son. Good shit. Cheers.
Starting point is 00:46:46 Cheers to simply safe. They've been keeping us, keeping us safe for fucking fuck knows how long. I've actually got simply safe at my desk because I know people are stealing shit from me all the time. Well, you know, my ideas,
Starting point is 00:46:59 you saw Frank the tank getting robbed too of his good ideas. I did. And, uh, shit, shit went south. Should we do the, too, of his good ideas. I did. And shit went south. Should we do the crate challenge? Just us? Yeah, Son of a Boy Dad crate challenge.
Starting point is 00:47:12 We should. We should start selling crates. Yeah. We should start selling 49 packs of crates. With our faces on them? If you really support Son of a Boy Dad, set up a SOBD crate. That would be cool. That'd be so fucking fire.
Starting point is 00:47:30 That'd be a lot of crates though. Also, I don't know how that would work. How would you do the B? You could. You could do it, bro. Lowercase. Oh yeah, wow. You could. S-O-B-D Sobbed. Sobbed. Sobbed.
Starting point is 00:47:44 Sobbed. When was the last time you sobbed? Not for a really long time. D. Sabada. Sabd. Sabd. Sabd. When was the last time you sobbed? Not for a really long time. I haven't cried in a while. Probably last year. I went through a crying drought when I was about your age. Yeah, I cried a lot last year in college. Don't even get me into it.
Starting point is 00:47:58 And... What? Social injustice? Yeah, I think I just had no friends. It was just really lonely. Dang. It's really just fucking lonely. That was probably when you... Just kind of felt like I had no one on my side, you know?
Starting point is 00:48:12 Yes, bro. Who can't relate to that shit? Just kind of felt like I had no one on my side. But that loneliness, that trauma will make you funnier. Yeah, it'll make you funnier. Your tweets start hitting a little different. That's how you got hired at Barstool. And since then you've been so happy
Starting point is 00:48:28 that your tweets have gone downhill. No. Noticeably. It is funny how that works though. The happier you get, the worse your comedy is. So it's tough. It's important to stay depressed. My doctor was like, go up to 100 milligrams on Zoloft.
Starting point is 00:48:43 And I was like, I'm going to stay at 50. I'm going to stay at 50. Because you're tending to your depression like a garden. You have to like water your depression and like give it the right amount of sunlight or lack of sunlight. What I've actually been doing is I befriend a lot of people that are in hospice. Yes. And I become really close with them. And then when they die, I'm like, all right,
Starting point is 00:49:01 this is exactly what I needed. Perfect. Perfect. Or like if someone's not dying fast enough, you kind of need to. Oh, I'm on the vlog. Yeah. Usher them along. Yeah. Feed them poorly. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:49:10 Or just make them really sad. I'll get them the Travis Scott meal. What is it? The sawi? What is it? The sawiti. Sawiti? The sawiti meal.
Starting point is 00:49:19 The sawiti meal. A double cheeseburger, a Sprite, four nuggets. I could go for a double cheeseburger. I'm hungry. Yes, you are, bro. I'm fucking starving. Yes, bro. I'm on a no-carb thing right now, though. You need carbs, though. They said that's not true, because I've already eaten a lot of carbs today. I know, and you need
Starting point is 00:49:36 carbs for your workouts, but you've been out of the gym for how long? Three weeks? No, a week. It was ten days last week. I've been out of the gym for a week max. It was 10 days last week I've been out of the gym for a week max it was 10 days last week it's probably been like it's probably been like 10 days that's how you fall off I know
Starting point is 00:49:54 I'm going today and I'm going strong except I did forget my pre-workout at home which sucks that fucking sucks bro do you take pre-workout or no? no but I used to yeah I love pre-workout it just you're uh i used to yeah i love pre-workout it just uh you're not taking the right shit that's why no it i was taking too many shits yeah it changes the competition the composition of your shits you're not taking the right stuff you start pooping out a rainbow you know yeah because
Starting point is 00:50:16 you're not taking you need to take a clean pre-workout it sounds like that israel kiwanuka song or whatever you're just somewhere over the rainbow. Anytime you shit, you get elevated out of your toilet by the fucking rainbow that shoots out of your ass. You gotta start taking Send pre-workout. Send? It's clean. You would love real drugs now. That's what I'm saying, bro.
Starting point is 00:50:37 I don't need them. That's the thing. You're talking about putting stuff in your nose. I would do a line of Jack 3D before I went out of college. I'd would do a line of Jack 3D before I went out I'd do a fat line of Jack 3D of I am God Billy Football has a pre-workout on his desk
Starting point is 00:50:54 called I am God I swear to God does it stand for something no it's the name of it there's like I am God there's like Dark Matter. Dark Matter is illegal, I think, though, because it has...
Starting point is 00:51:09 It's like some illegal caffeine form. We're definitely in this stage of judging books exclusively by their covers. No, I was looking at Billy Football's desk for pre-workout and I was like, hopefully he has something that's like 150 milligrams of caffeine. Because I was like, he has something that's like 150 milligrams of caffeine
Starting point is 00:51:25 because I was like anything over that is too much for me I'll do 200 if I have to but I don't like taking 200 milligrams of caffeine at once you know what I mean like it's too much and that actually you're jittered out after a half that makes me tired like that makes me more tired is taking like that much caffeine because I just feel like drained because it's so much yeah it's a lot
Starting point is 00:51:42 but having my point is that just having a crazy name on one of these things will make it sell. Putting fuck in your book title will make it sell. You have way too much of a caffeine tolerance if you're taking 400 milligrams of caffeine and being like, okay with that,
Starting point is 00:51:58 you should die. But I think that those people are... First of all, caffeine... People crush caffeine. Caffeine is... I think that the two strongest drugs out these days are caffeine and victory golden monkey what is victory golden monkey it's those so those like super heavy beers oh you're definitely one of those guys that's like your like parents are mad at you for smoking weed and you show them like the picture of like the spider on caffeine verse weed what is it spider web of what it of what it does what it does when it's on caffeine
Starting point is 00:52:30 verse weed oh does caffeine is the strongest drug there is i is it does a spider like go like super fast and just knocks everything out real fast no the spider is like the web's all fucked up when it's on caffeine and the spider's on a trampoline doing backflips when it's on weed it's like a perfect spider web yes dude i 100 believe it did you you wrote like your persuasive essay in eighth grade about why late weed should be legal i didn't get into weed until much much later in my life yeah you didn't get into until you were like 18 right yeah yeah it's way sweeter late bloomer now it's way sweeter because i allowed my brain to develop you should start smoking weed when you're in sixth grade I'd say close to fourth grade yeah if you really
Starting point is 00:53:08 want to grow and battle through all of the demons all of the all of the negative weed demons and you don't end up like me you'll just be able to say you're depressed earlier people are so depressed now because there's so much excess that the only thing that we can have now is sadness that even like
Starting point is 00:53:24 people used to actually not have enough of some things, like not have enough love from their parents or not have enough food to eat. Spit that shit. But now. Go on. Go on. Now. Continue.
Starting point is 00:53:35 Now. There's too much love, bro. Too much love. There needs to be more hate in this world. Thank you, bro. That's what the fuck I'm talking about. Where can we start some hate? I think we should start in the comment section.
Starting point is 00:53:48 No, no, no, no, no. Let's start there. The comment section's all love, bro. Has it been? A lot of positivity in the comment section. Yeah, what's that all about? Or even personal messages. People reaching out on a personal tip.
Starting point is 00:53:59 They love the pod. This shit is great. If you love the pod, then make sure your friends and family are listening to it too as we can bump these numbers. Yes, bro. Spotify. Spotify.
Starting point is 00:54:09 Spotify. Take down Joe Rogan. No. My Spotify. Just so we can like... It's diversifying our portfolio. Oh, okay. We're heavy on Apple right now,
Starting point is 00:54:18 I think. We crush on Apple, but let's crush on Spotify too. Like, Apple's getting close to top 50. Or top 100. Top 100 episodes on Spotify. Were we?
Starting point is 00:54:26 Yeah. Oh, good for us, dude. We don't really look at the numbers though. We don't really care about the feedback or anything like that. We do this just for the love. Other people's opinions of me is none of my business,
Starting point is 00:54:38 man. That's what I always say as I'm scrolling through the comment section, crying. Did you ever do any, um, any roast battles in common, like standup comedy roast battles? Or Did you ever do any roast battles, like stand-up comedy roast battles, or did you just do rap battles? When I lived in
Starting point is 00:54:50 LA, I used to go to the roast battles almost every week. I fucking loved that shit. I never got up on stage, but I would judge them a lot of the times. Oh, really? Yeah, one time it was me, fucking Mike Lawrence, Jeff Ross, and David Tell were the judges. Oh, wow. It was like the most star studded fucking... That's crazy. That's awesome. Mike Lawrence, Jeff Ross and David Tell were the judges. Oh wow. It was like the most star
Starting point is 00:55:06 studded fucking. That's crazy. That's awesome. Mike Lawrence was the he had won the first season of Roast Battles and he was like the second Roastmaster General at the Roast Place in LA and then like fucking obviously Jeff Ross
Starting point is 00:55:22 was that dude for Roast. Did that shit kind of die out? The roast battle comedy aspect? I don't know. They would have like a live stream. It's like the funniest joke writing that I'd ever been part of. It's quick. It's quick.
Starting point is 00:55:34 It's fat. It's like you just have to tell your joke, kind of get out. And it's mean. Yeah. It's just really mean. Yeah. I've been watching a bunch of them. Apparently, they used to do it at the stand in New York.
Starting point is 00:55:44 In New York? Yeah. There's just... The dudes are fucking... The dudes are hilarious. Yeah, I've been watching a bunch of them. Apparently they used to do it at the stand in New York. Yeah, there's just the dudes are fucking the dudes are hilarious and the women are hilarious and ruthless. Yeah, and it was I can't imagine them stopping. Not anymore. You're saying we can't do that anymore? We can't fucking cross that? Yeah, that fucking Biden's in office. Biden actually ended
Starting point is 00:56:01 all the roast battles. No more roast battles. They're called love battles now. You just preach positivity. That's what we need. We need a traditional roast battle between like a U.S. Marine and like a Taliban soldier. Or they just end
Starting point is 00:56:17 this shit once and for all. They're just like busting on each other. Like they're just doing yo mama jokes on each other like fucking Wilmer Val Alderama. That's how we'll get peace in the Middle East. We just need two Muslim sects. We need a Sunni and a Shiite
Starting point is 00:56:34 fucking teeing off. That'll get shit calmed down in Israel too. Yeah, a roast battle. The Palestinians. I don't think I'd be able to do... I'd probably be able to do a roast battle because I think I can handle like i don't really care what people say about me well in person not typical privileged white male uh perspective like if someone said i was ugly or something on stage i'd be like okay and then i'd be like i am white i am a bum
Starting point is 00:56:59 you should do a roast battle and then just start rapping. I think that that's why I didn't want to do it because they would always make people rap. Oh, really? They would like, there was another battle rapper, the dude Sharon from Wild N Out who I battled, who actually has, he raps about autism and it's a fucking superpower with battle rap. Yeah, we've all heard the battle. Really? Because I only put it on TikTok and I thought you didn't have. No, it's on some of what I Twitter, actually. And also, I've watched the entire battle.
Starting point is 00:57:27 That is true. And I got in his ass. It's got like a million views on YouTube. But he would go on to... Stop. This guy. Fucking A-list. Stop it. Can you get a tell on the pod? Probably not. I don't think that he
Starting point is 00:57:44 likes people. I don't think that he... We don't like him either. Let that be known. I was with somebody this past weekend that works at, they were telling a story about David Tell and it was like this Marine who was like so excited about him and like he was like hugging him or something.
Starting point is 00:58:00 He was like, what, the Marines didn't teach you personal space or something? That's hilarious. I mean, I get that. Why was he hugging him? The Marines didn't teach you personal space or something? That's hilarious. Why was he hugging him? Because he was literally his hero. People just don't know how to act around their heroes. They never meet your hero. Never meet your heroes. They might
Starting point is 00:58:15 roast you. That's why it was always so weird when I met Dave. I never know how to act around him. Just like sweaty. Dave, I saw what you gave John Swapleaker Street. Yeah. Oh my God. Oh yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:28 This weekend. So on, was that Friday? Yeah. On Friday, me, Owen, Jack McCarthy and Nick go to, we were just like going out to get like, to get some food. Went to this pizza place. Wow. Must've lost my invite in the mail.
Starting point is 00:58:43 Yeah, you did. Oh. Don't think you were in, actually. I wasn't in on the pizza. Where was it? East Village? Or West Village, I believe. Yeah, we went to some pizza place in Greenwich Village. And we sit down. We're like the only people who want to sit inside
Starting point is 00:59:00 outside. We're like inside. We sit down. Not a lot of people inside. And they sat us outside. Oh, yeah. We sat. We were like, we'll sit inside because it's really hot outside we sit inside with a massive window like a like a lookout window it's outside a window type of deal so we're sitting outside basically and uh she the waitress comes up and she's like are you guys barstool guys and we were like yeah yeah we are actually and she was like oh yeah like we get a lot of people coming in here to like because dave wrote because dave raided this place wait so she thought by barstool guys so we thought she meant like do you guys work at barstool and we were like yeah and then it turned out that she just meant like are you fans are you guys fans she was like oh
Starting point is 00:59:38 yeah you guys like she's like i usually have a pretty good idea of telling who who's a fan and not and we were like, damn. You do look the part. You do look the part, for sure. I think I might have been wearing the sweatshirt. No, none of us were wearing any barstool stuff, actually. The only time I've been to John's on Bleecker Street, and there's no exaggeration. It'd be easy
Starting point is 00:59:59 to exaggerate this, but there was a line out the door, and there were probably five different parties in line outside of me and my fiance at the time. And literally every one of them, we could hear each one of their conversations was talking about Dave and Portnoy and like what Dave
Starting point is 01:00:16 gave this place and how they were there because of Dave. And they would strike up conversations with one another. And we're the only people not talking about Barstool on the line. And I was just trying to not be noticed. I didn't want to I just wanted to be able to enjoy pizza in peace without it having something
Starting point is 01:00:31 to do with your hero Dave Portnoy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was very weird though. It took us a long time to understand what was happening. Because you thought you were going to get a discount. No, we were like, oh, how did she know? None of us have any Barstool stuff on or anything. And then we were like, oh, she no we were like oh how did she know like none of us like have any barstool stuff on or anything and then we were
Starting point is 01:00:47 like oh she thinks we're fans like she thinks we're like Dave Portnoy fans no man we work that we work at barstool oh sure you do yeah sure yeah no we get a lot of people who work there we get a lot of the athletes coming in we get a lot of the barstool
Starting point is 01:01:03 we get a lot of viceroys coming through We get a lot of Viceroy's coming through here This place is really big amongst Viceroy's Viceroy's love this shit We actually run the KB and Nick Best Moments YouTube page The anus memes page Yeah Request the memes
Starting point is 01:01:19 How was the pie? It was really good It was actually very good You familiar with the traffic barrel here for assistance? That's all of us. We all take part. He does the night shift. I do the morning shift.
Starting point is 01:01:34 It's like a little baby. You never know when Dave's going to tweet. And you need to be there to tweet traffic. We all have notifications on, but just in case, you can never be too vigilant about traffic barrel. No. Fuck. Fucking Dave, man.
Starting point is 01:01:51 Dave needs to hire that fucker. The traffic barrel guy. Oh, I know. What about massive injustice when you're in Wyoming? Red Rhino? No, that wasn't in Wyoming. That was at the Buffalo meet and greet. Oh, fuck. What happened? Some dude came up to me
Starting point is 01:02:07 and he was like, dude, Red Rhino, I fucking love that kid. And I was like, yeah. He was like, bro, did you see that shit he did when his hair got wet and he called it Wet Rhino? I was like, no, I didn't. He's the first dude who's got to make you feel like an OG. Yeah, I mean, I don't have He's the first dude who's got to make you feel like an OG.
Starting point is 01:02:27 Yeah, I mean, I don't have anything against him. He seems like a nice kid. He's like a kid. Yeah, he's not like me, bro. I'm an adult. But talk to me when you hit 18. Then we'll talk. There's just this... You just need to be aware that there's always someone new
Starting point is 01:02:39 who's coming to try and take your spot. I know. Luckily. And that's Rhino. Tough spot to take. Well, he's pretty good, man. Top earner. He's pretty fucking good, man.
Starting point is 01:02:50 I know. He seems like a nice kid. He's, I mean, he just... Would love to grab an underage drink with him sometime. Would love to slam some underage brews with him. Yeah, hit up the Buffalo Wild Wings and fucking take down two towers on their land. It's all right.
Starting point is 01:03:04 We work at Barstool, so don't worry about the ID thing. IDs? Does this work? Pull out my Barstool badge. Viva. Ever heard of it? Oh, sorry, man. You should have said something.
Starting point is 01:03:18 Look, look. Here's how this is going to go. Either you're going to let us in. We're going to drink until we pass out. Or I'm going to have my boy Dave come in here and he'll rate this place a 0.0. You guys will be out of business for, or yeah,
Starting point is 01:03:29 we'll put this on barstools in the morning. Yeah. This could be on barstools tomorrow. Yeah. We'll put this on barstools. How does that sound? Does that make sense to you? Are you getting a clear enough picture there?
Starting point is 01:03:41 Yeah. Speaking of clear picture, boy, I've been, I've been rocking the shit out of my bare bottoms. Clear enough picture there? Yeah. Speaking of clear picture. Boy, I've been rocking the shit out of my bare bottoms. Oh, do we have a bare bottom ad right now? Yes. That's perfect. Because I actually left my bare bottom shorts in... This is going to be a great ad for them.
Starting point is 01:04:00 I left my bare bottom shorts in Wyoming. We'll be the judge of that. I left my bare bottom shorts in Wyoming. We'll be the judge of that. I left my bare bottom shorts in Wyoming and I was legitimately bummed out. I was like, dude, I don't want to leave without these because these are my favorite shorts that I have. They're like my best shorts. My buddy texts me yesterday
Starting point is 01:04:15 and he's like, who left these shorts here? And he sends a picture of my bare bottoms. And I was like, oh, dude, those are my bare bottoms. I said, my bare bottoms. I was looking everywhere for those. And he said, my bare bottoms now. Shut up. And I said everywhere for those and he said my bare bottoms now shut up and i said treat them well great pair of shorts best i've ever had and then he texted like a couple hours later and he was like he was like these bare bottoms are great better than lulu i like how there isn't a liner in them dude that's i mean that's a good ad we also had the ad there we haven't touched i mean that's perfect we haven't
Starting point is 01:04:44 touched the script yet. I'm also wearing bare bottoms right now. Dude, they're so, like there was the best shorts I've ever had. And I hope they see this and I hope they send me another pair because I would love them. Same, because I crushed, I bought a couple pairs of shorts right before I got these bare bottoms. And then I bought the bare bottoms and I don't wear the shorts that I bought. No, I bought like Patagonia shorts and I had to cut the liners out. They still don't even compare.
Starting point is 01:05:05 And so I used the bare bottoms as a swimsuit while I was in Hawaii. I was like jumping off waterfalls in my fucking bare bottoms. They're great. They dried fast. They look like, I mean, it was a short. It was a bathing suit. Also, the shirts make me look fucking jacked. Yes, the bare bottoms are incredible. And that's before we
Starting point is 01:05:21 get to the copy. Now we can jump into this fucking copy. Now that we've personally endorsed because bare bottoms is the fucking truth it's a great brand incredible shorts if you want your bulge enhanced fucking cop the bare bottoms
Starting point is 01:05:37 your print will look incredible the internet's best deal on high quality and versatile menswear. Over 10,000 five-star reviews. And we know why. I would give them a five-star review at the fucking drop of a hat. At the drop of my bare bottom shorts.
Starting point is 01:05:55 You can also get two made-for-summer lightweight tech tees and a pair of stretch shorts for under $100. That's what I'm saying. These fucking deals are insane. It's 2021. Let's keep the shorts above the knees. I'm rocking with the seven inch inseam. It feels good. They also have a five inch inseam.
Starting point is 01:06:12 Also feels good. Also feels great. They're designed to transition from the couch to the gym, to work or play. They really are my most versatile. I'm rocking a gray right now. They go with fucking everything. They look good all the time.
Starting point is 01:06:24 Giving back is at the core of what Bare Bottom does. They've donated over 100,000 pairs of shorts to children in need. Starting this summer, they will be donating school lunch for every item sold. They're ethical. It's good clothes. They look good.
Starting point is 01:06:40 You will feel good. And right now, our listeners can get free shipping on their first order of these super comfortable threads at bareb clothing.com with code sun. That's B E A R like the animal bottom clothing.com. Use code sun, get free shipping on your first order. You will enjoy this clothing that I fucking promise you. It's a promise.
Starting point is 01:07:03 It's a promise. If you don't, I will,'t, I will eat those fucking shorts. You can send them to me. Send them to me. I will literally eat them. I will douse them in syrup. I will wear them instead. And that's how fucking comfortable they are.
Starting point is 01:07:17 Fuck. Holy fucking shit. That's how I felt when I put them on for the first time. Just. I'm hungry. I'm going to power through, bro. Yeah. No piss break. No hunger. I don't know about no piss break, but we'll see.
Starting point is 01:07:38 Come on, bro. You've been crushing that water. I know. And the coffee. Coffee makes me piss like nobody's business. I'm there, brother. Coffee makes me piss like nobody's business. I'm there, brother. Coffee makes me piss fucking infinitely more than I would otherwise. I know. Coffee sucks.
Starting point is 01:07:51 We're about to be traveling a lot. Yeah, I'm not looking forward to it. Rough and Rowdy coming up. If you're listening to this show, you should definitely go to buyrnr.com and check out the Rough and Rowdy. Don't even. Don't even. What do you have against Rough and Rowdy. Don't even. Don't even. What do you have against Rough and Rowdy, bro?
Starting point is 01:08:08 Nothing. Let's lay it all bare. Let's lay it all bare. What, do you want to fight in Rough and Rowdy? Is that what you're saying? Do you want to fight somebody? No, not at all. Because we could set that up. People love to fight. People love to be like, oh, bro, fight me in Rough and Rowdy. People love to say that about content.
Starting point is 01:08:23 In what world am I fighting anybody in Rough and Rowdy? I'm a flight guy. Flight me in rough and rowdy. People love to say that about like content. What world am I fighting anybody in rough and rowdy? I'm a flight. I'm a flight guy. Flight me in rough and rowdy. Let's see. You can run away fast. It's in rough and rowdy. Twitter is like a mental illness. People on Twitter are fucking insane, dude.
Starting point is 01:08:39 Isn't that your app of choice? Yeah, but I'm like, I'm the voice of reason. You see through all the bullshit. I'm like I'm the voice of reason. You see through all the bullshit. I don't play by the rules. You're the one who can diagnose the problems that are going on on Twitter. I don't really go on Twitter that much anymore. I just tweet like once
Starting point is 01:08:54 every couple days now. It's a fucking slapper every time. Luckily, I was gifted with the fucking Twitter fingers. Dude, fucking Kanye Twitter fingers. Dude, fucking Kanye and Drake. Oh yeah. That was crazy,
Starting point is 01:09:09 dude. The, the Joker picture. And then, uh, why he add push a T2. I think that he's to, to renew their old beef.
Starting point is 01:09:16 Maybe he should have added you. I mean, we'll Photoshop that added Roan. Can I just say that Kanye, if you try anything stupid you're fucked all right it's gonna be your head i'm just gonna go ahead and say quick don't come at drake yeah if it if you if you if you want the best for yourself and your family and your career don't come at you're not gonna do that okay and you're gonna find out why you'll find out why
Starting point is 01:09:41 very quickly if you come at dra. You saw that he gave out Drake's address? No, really? He put a screenshot of Drake's... That's like an A-list celebrity. You have to have some sort of respect for that. You know what I mean? He doesn't want Drake giving out his address.
Starting point is 01:09:59 But that was his point of doing the Joker face or whatever. He's like, now I'm the Joker. You will never recover. He just watched the Joker that day. He must have. And he was like, I'm going to amp this up to the next level. Drake was like, I fucked your wife.
Starting point is 01:10:16 And he was like, people will know where you live now. Wait, did he say that he fucked Kim? I think that he... And the whole song where he's like, cret down the back, made a left or whatever. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's like crept down the block made a left or whatever oh yeah yeah yeah that's like him giving the directions like you can go left in Kanye's house too yeah I don't know if people are really
Starting point is 01:10:31 reaching on that no no that's his house that's been a thing for a while crept down the block made a left then made a right it's like that's just like any direction there's also was Kiki that's the Barstool offices you can go down the block make a left what if that's what he was fucking Just like any direction. There also was Kiki. That's the Barstool offices.
Starting point is 01:10:48 You can go down the block, make a left. What if that's what he was fucking talking about? Shit. He was talking about us. Yes, dude. Crept down the block. Made a right. Made a left.
Starting point is 01:10:58 Made a right. Another left. That's the tricks in the office. Yes, dude. Holy shit. When you see Devlin's desk. If you get to the snacks, you've gone too far. Turn back. Turn around.
Starting point is 01:11:14 But what are people? It's like, I bet Drake's house isn't like on the street. It's not like people are just going to be coming by. I actually saw a video this morning. So I was looking at Drake's Instagram story. And he's like driving around around in a convertible. Laughing. Drake probably never gets
Starting point is 01:11:30 recognized in public. I bet he just doesn't go out in public. He's probably just behind a tinted glass at all times. He probably lives in a community where everyone else in the community is also A-list celebrities. I think that in Los Angeles... I think that's the address that they dox Yes. Like Calabasas. And I think that in Los Angeles...
Starting point is 01:11:45 He lives in Toronto, doesn't he? I think that's the address that they doxed was the Toronto address. But I think that was also very public already. And I think that people in Toronto love Drake so much. First of all, you said Toronto and it's Toronto, bro.
Starting point is 01:11:57 Toronto. You've never been to Canada. And it shows. But I think that everybody in Toronto loves Drake so much that they would kill for him. If someone's running into Drake's house... He's the sixth god.
Starting point is 01:12:09 I saw that he's responsible for 5% of Toronto's or of all Canada's tourism or something like that. He's responsible for billions of dollars of tourism or something. There's a lot of famous people from Canada, though. Bieber, Seth Rogen.
Starting point is 01:12:25 Mike Myers. Cody Ko. Cody Ko is? Yeah. Shut up. Trudeau. That's all I got. So there's six famous people from Canada.
Starting point is 01:12:38 I'm sure there's a lot more that we don't know of. No, I think that we kind of just hit them all. Oh, Caitlin from The Bachelorette. Britney Spears. Spears was for sure. But in Los Angeles, aren't there like tours of celebrities' houses? You like drive past celebrities' houses? It's like a
Starting point is 01:12:53 crime tour bus type thing, but it's for like celebrities' houses. And did you see the other day The Rock? Yeah, he pulled over there. That was so sick. Hey, it's going to make these guys day. Yeah. And they all were just like, Howdy. Howdy. You guys day. Yeah. And they all were just howdy. Howdy. You guys good? Everything all right? It's all love, brother. Everything okay,
Starting point is 01:13:11 guys? Like, imagine someone being like, no, actually, things aren't okay, The Rock. Stop asking stupid questions, Rock. All right, guys. You guys take care. Remember, start the week off strong, finish it angry. You guys all all right? All right. Okay, guys. You'll all get one. Okay.
Starting point is 01:13:28 All right. I actually love The Rock. What's not to love? I love his workout motivational videos. I love his cheat day videos. I've been clanging iron since I was 13 years old. I love the fact that he's a Hawaiian that you can't make fun of. Yeah, you can't.
Starting point is 01:13:44 They don't like when you make fun of Hawaiian people and I'm not wrong. Owen even admitted that I was right. Yeah, I mean, I think that any group of people doesn't like when an outsider just makes a gross stereotype about them, especially a negative one. Okay, bro. Very woke
Starting point is 01:14:00 of you, huh? What is this, the fucking Biden podcast all of a sudden bro i was getting murdered for saying not my president i'm a biden supporter oh on the tiktok yeah that shit got ripped apart i think people thought i was like a big trump supporter when i'm from that how can you not read like satire yeah or and the same with uh not my president like also yeah we were literally we like changed the way we were talking and everything. Like it was obviously a joke.
Starting point is 01:14:27 Both of us were lying. All the comments were like facts with like three crying emojis. He's not wrong. This dude's a beta cuck. Yeah. Yeah. That one. That was a lot.
Starting point is 01:14:39 I looked at it and it was like there was like 15,000 likes and then like 400 comments. I was like, damn. You're growing nuclear today. Yeah. You got four mil. Four mil on a rap battle? No, on a... It was when Trump got elected and I was just going through the streets
Starting point is 01:14:58 just talking to the protesters in the streets. Oh, really? Was that recent? Or it had to have been recent? Oh, no. That was like four years ago? It was four years ago. Jesus. I thought you meant when Trump got, like, when Trump lost. It was when he first got elected and people were just furious in the streets. I remember
Starting point is 01:15:13 kids from my school, like, posting pictures crying on Instagram. This is, uh... We want better! We want better! We want better! We want better! We want better! We want better! They're just fucking furious. Where was that? Was that in New York? That was in New York. Yeah, it was like outside Trump Tower.
Starting point is 01:15:40 Was that like right when you, was that like around when you started here? It was like the first, the first week Dave came up. He was like, you said you wanted to do men on the street shit, right? And I was like, yeah. And then he was like, well, they're protesting in the street right now.
Starting point is 01:15:49 I was like, I'll go fuck with people. That's awesome. I had to put that out just to be like, uh, I will fuck with the libs too. Though I may be a cuck, I will too fuck with the libs.
Starting point is 01:16:02 And, uh, it was, I mean, I feel like so many people just expected Hillary to win that it was like a fruitful time to be able to make fun of people. But like you couldn't even do that shit
Starting point is 01:16:11 because people are so divided. It's hard to even go out to the crowd and just fuck with people because like... I'm surprised you didn't get like hit. Yeah, there was one woman who came up to me and she was like this is serious shit and it's not for you to slap dick around or something. But everybody else for the most part was like,
Starting point is 01:16:28 uh, they would give me the time of the day. I got, I got, uh, my, when I remember when, like when he was like,
Starting point is 01:16:34 people were predicting him to win or predicting Hillary to win. You say Hillary, Hillary, because you might as well with the fucking Benghazi shit. Um, my people, let's clip that one. Yeah. That'll, that'll do well. well with the fucking Benghazi shit. Let's clip that one. Yeah, that'll do well.
Starting point is 01:16:51 Anyway. We're becoming an alt-right podcast very quick. Just because we're scared of the comments. I know. No, I'm alright. I love Hitler. Trump rally. Did you see the Trump rally shit this week? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:17:06 I get it. Yeah, he was like see the Trump rally shit this week? Yeah. I get it. Yeah, he was like, I'm a... I wish I could do the voice. I'm vaxxed. I did the voice so well when I was in Wyoming and then I was trying to replicate it over and over and I couldn't. What did you eat right beforehand? Maybe you had something lodged in your throat. What is it? I'm trying to think. I could do it in post. I could make
Starting point is 01:17:21 your voice Trump. No, no, don't. Fuck. What was he saying? He was like, the vaccine? No, I can't do it because it's the vaccine. I start talking like fucking Bob Dylan. You do it. You have a really good one. Speaking of, you haven't spoke on that.
Starting point is 01:17:38 No, I have nothing to say about it. I don't really know what's going on. Your silence is deafening. Everyone's sending me in. You educated yourself about every part of his life. You've educated yourself about where he lived in New York City when he was 22 years old. Everyone knows that. Well, everyone knows that he was into 13-year-olds now, too. And somehow your head is in the sand.
Starting point is 01:17:58 I haven't read up on it, and I have no thoughts on it yet. He's in the flight logs. The Epstein logs. You know who else was in the Epstein logs? He was making little girls touch his dick being like, how does he feel? Chrissy Jenner. Chrissy Teigen was on the flight logs 36 times.
Starting point is 01:18:16 Did you know that? That doesn't surprise me. Frequent flyer. I could see Chrissy Teigen being like a Ghislaine Maxwell type of figure where she was collecting girls and being like, hey, come on. Come get rubbed down. That documentary was so weird.
Starting point is 01:18:34 Come catch this rub from my buddy. Creeps. Weirdos. You're saying pedophiles are creeps now? Yeah. I agree. They're not going to like that. They're not going to like that. They are not going to like that. Here comes cancel culture for sass.
Starting point is 01:18:51 You know that it's just... Bro, they're not creeps. It's actually a real disability. It's a sexual orientation. It's a sexual orientation. Just the way that some people are into guys, some people are into chicks, and some people are into underage people who can't tell the difference and who can't do anything
Starting point is 01:19:06 about it and don't have fully formed brains. Okay. Let's end it with the Trump impersonation. You go first. He's like, we're going to get the vaccine. I consider myself the luckiest man. No. That was Jim Carrey
Starting point is 01:19:22 doing Jim Carrey. They're going to build a wall. No. We're going Carrey doing Gary. They're going to build a wall. No, we're going to build a wall. That was Alec Baldwin. Yeah, that's close. I do. I did it so well.
Starting point is 01:19:35 My friends were like, damn, where did that come from? And I was like, I don't know. We're going to build a wall. No, that sounds like Joe Biden. It was a bill. You did it the other day. You did it on our podcast. Very well. Ref refusing to do it
Starting point is 01:19:46 wow no that's owen wilson wow we're gonna build a wall that's decent we're gonna build a wall it's gonna be yeah well what do you want him to say to get the vaccine it's always like the same five impressions. It's Gollum, Peter from Family Guy, Trump. Owen Wilson is such a cheap and easy one. Everyone can do Owen Wilson. I didn't see it really happening until I saw
Starting point is 01:20:15 Francis doing it. I was probably like 17. Everyone does Owen Wilson and it's so easy. Someone keeps on coming up on my Instagram explore page and they're like, watch his impressions and it's so easy someone keeps on coming up on my Instagram explore page and they're like watch his impressions and it's like De Niro and Owen Wilson
Starting point is 01:20:31 and probably Christopher Walken yeah it was actually he was on there too De Niro is so easy and people just love to be like here's 50 impressions in one minute I don't give a fuck the only person who I've actually seen who has really impressive impressions is Jim Carrey. Jim Carrey?
Starting point is 01:20:48 When he does Jack Nicholson, he turns himself into a different person. Have you ever seen what he does with his face? Yeah. He rubs his face and he comes out and his jaw changes and shit. Yeah, Jim Carrey. I was like, holy shit. He's a transformer. He literally transforms into Jack Nicholson
Starting point is 01:21:07 well first off you just shit on um Bill Hader does good impressions too doesn't he yeah but you're forgetting a co-worker of ours Moulin Haro does good impressions and so does Caliendo yeah
Starting point is 01:21:20 are you asking me or are you telling me I'm asking you you just don't like sports figures Yeah. Are you asking me or are you telling me? I'm asking you. Yeah. You just don't like sports figures. No, I don't know any of the sports figures. He does such a good Michael Jordan. That could be anyone for me. It doesn't change anything.
Starting point is 01:21:32 I consider myself the luckiest man in the world. His Jordan is spot on. It sounds exactly like Michael Jordan. Old white man Michael Jordan. I mean, who else has good impressions? Bill Hader does good impressions. I think, I think it's like the least,
Starting point is 01:21:50 um, or it's just a funny skill, but like ever trying to turn impressions into a joke. Yeah. Or a joke or like Shane Gillis does a good, does a good, um, he does a good Trump Trump and he did it on stage when we saw him and it was
Starting point is 01:22:03 very funny or, uh, Nick Mullen, Steve Harvey. Oh my. Or Nick Mullen, Steve Harvey. Oh my God. Nick Mullen, Steve Harvey is literally the funniest thing I've ever seen. I actually have it. Do you think we can play it without getting in trouble? Can we get copyrighted for that?
Starting point is 01:22:14 No, don't play it. Don't play it. No, it's so funny. It's the funniest thing I've ever seen in my entire life. I literally recorded it on my phone so I could have easy access to watch it. You could just watch it on your own. Yeah. When you're feeling down. Damn.
Starting point is 01:22:26 Yeah, Nick Mullen does really good impressions. I forgot about that. He does like an impression of everybody. His Bill Burr impression is so good. You think he'll do an impression of you one day? Bro. Are you doing an impression of his impression? No, I was doing an impression of Bill Burr. Oh, okay. Bro. No, he's like
Starting point is 01:22:42 Dude, I feel like I'm sitting across from Bill Burr. That shit was uncannable. He always says bro. That was uncanning. I can't do any impressions. I'm not an impressionist. Yeah. I wish I could, though. You're more of a photo realist. You just give a slice of life.
Starting point is 01:23:00 Let's get the fuck out of here. Yeah. All right, guys. Thanks for listening. Buy some merch. Hats are back in stock. Hats are back now. Hats are black. Back in black. Make sure you give this a thumbs up
Starting point is 01:23:15 if you're watching on YouTube. Also make sure you subscribe to the YouTube. Give us a five stars if you're on Apple. We're going to have a bank t-shirt up too. We're going to have a bank t-shirt up tomorrow. What should it say? We'll have a bank t-shirt up too. We're going to have a bank t-shirt up tomorrow. What should it say? We'll have a bank t-shirt up by tomorrow. We'll have one up tomorrow and then you can also give us suggestions for other bank merchandise
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Starting point is 01:23:47 we'll be walking by when these shirts are in Spencer's gift shop. And comic... What is that store? Comic Sans. Comic Sans store? Yeah. The bank! I'm at the bank! And you push it and it farts or something like that.
Starting point is 01:24:05 Alright guys, thanks for listening. Bye. Peace.

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