Son of a Boy Dad - Son of a Boy Dad: Ep. 16 - Wyoming's Revenge

Episode Date: August 31, 2021

-- Sas & Rone discuss an important update to the Wyoming trip, have another therapy session, workshop some jokes, tell some stories & share a ton of laughs along the wayYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, son of a boy dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to the Lil Sass and Roan show. Yeah. How's it going? Here we are once again. Back at it again with our old tricks. You know, that reminds me of...

I gotta turn my microphone down. Talk again. Check, check, check. It was just ear-piercingly loud. That's just my voice. It was excruciatingly loud. My voice was used

on tapes of torture in Abu Ghraib. So we have some Wyoming updates. I need to hear this because you texted us earlier in the day saying that there was a wyoming update and i uh didn't know what the fuck you were talking about and then i remembered you you just went to wyoming yeah so i was just in wyoming and the whole dish thing happened and all that shit happened and so i think i talked about how my buddy bo who works on the ranch he he makes like $3 an hour basically

because his room and board is covered for the whole summer but it's like taken out of their pay. Yeah, he's illegally forced to work against his will for an illegal sum of money. Yes, basically. And for the people that don't know or remember Sass basically worked on a farm and did the dishes so

he could work on the farm. No, we went and we did the dishes so we could stay at the farm. No, we went and we did the dishes so we could stay at the farm, at the ranch for free. Like indentured servitude. You just had to work to earn your keep. It was like a commu, like a hippie commu. Because the guests who go to the ranch

have to pay $400 a night each, which is ridiculously expensive. Right. But you stayed in the same quarters that they stayed in though, right? No. Okay, so that's what I'm going to get gonna get into okay so my friend bo texts me this morning and he goes he's like i just might just talk to my boss when were we there two weeks ago two weeks ago he said i just talked

to my boss and basically I'm trying to You didn't do the dishes good enough. No. You didn't work hard enough. He goes boss just told me I'm being charged $450 out of my paycheck for you guys staying here and not paying $50 a night. And he said I thought it would be fine since you guys did dish and

so many other visitors came and didn't get charged or anything. So basically the boss is like a crazy lady. And I don't like to throw around the B word a lot, but she's a crazy bitch. Yeah. That is a certified bitch behavior. Yeah.

Like make someone pay to work to stay somewhere. No pay to work. Yeah. Stay exactly. Exactly. So I was like, so first of all, and apparently she was like,

well, they're, they're, she's, they're charging us for the drinks that you guys had, like all this shit, like two weeks after the fact. Was there like a bar there? You were getting cocktails? There was a bar, but like everyone drinks for free.

Like all the people that work there drink for free. Was someone making you drinks is what I'm getting at? Was someone like waiting on you or anything like that? No, no, no, no, no. You just could open up a beer at the bar. We could like open up a beer or like we were friends with one of the bartenders and he'd be like, do you guys want anything? And he would bring it to us.

So this lady is strong arming your friend out of money. So basically $450 for him getting docked from his pay is like one fourth of his entire summer paycheck. He literally works like a prisoner. Yeah. He works like 10 hours a day. He works like 10 hours a day for like $3 an hour. And so basically we were like,

I would, so we were like, first of all, that's like, it sounds illegal. I don't think you can just be putting new policies into place. Like if we were there and she was like, hey, these kids need to pay for the full guest package or they need to work a lot. Some shit like that, it would have made sense. But the fact that

we were there, she knew we were there. We met her. We worked for five hours, didn't get paid. Three of us working for five hours. We didn't get paid. And now two weeks later, she's going to try and charge us. What is minimum wage? It's $7 an hour there.

$7? $7.25, I think. That is also super cheap. That's not a lot of money. But also, it would have been 113 dollars for all of us combined for the five hours so i was like okay tell her to take that out of the pay because like why the hell are we working for free if then she's gonna go charge us 450 dude we slept it was me my friend matt shared a bed and my friend nate slept on a towel on the ground and we're getting charged for

that well i even put down the towel dude like he put it out he put down like two towels to try and like soften the blow of a hard a hard floor yeah that's fucking terrible we're getting and we're getting charged 50 a night to sleep on a fucking towel and i it's absurd i would say that like you're uh you guys are getting bitched out by this lady if you don't get the money back but But the fact that they're taking it out of your friend's paycheck. No, that's the thing that's annoying. I was like, dude, tell her to send me the bill and I just will never pay it. I'm like, but it's just like it's like, dude, I don't think they're illegally allowed to just be docking pay.

You can't dock someone's like entire summer earnings without telling them that they had to pay 50 per night after the fact and also do like the food we like okay so we got like free drinks and we got free food the food that we were this guy should hire a lawyer on his three dollar salary i know the food that we were eating was leftover food from the guests like we were eating like week old like steak sandwiches and it was just like chopped up you're eating it and you're like this sucks but it's free you were literally uh like yeah slaves you were like slaves on there yeah and i was and we were also like i mean i think i talked about how it was like a very big feeling of us not like we didn't feel like we were supposed to be there it felt like we were like kind of getting like talked about behind your back yeah it kind of felt uncomfortable because

we were like i feel bad like all these kids are working all day and we're were like kind of getting like talked about behind your back yeah it kind of felt uncomfortable because we were like i feel bad like all these kids are working all day and we're just like kind of hanging around and then partying with them at night and like we're not working and we're not paying to be here but it's like if i knew that we were paying 50 now i would have been running around like i fucking owned that place yeah i think that people the people who talk shit on you probably convinced this lady like you got to make them pay those guys fucking suck they were running i don know, but that is nuts. They made the alliance with the younger kids or whatever on that one last night. But they really did fuck you, though.

They put you in a bad spot, and now you're just going to have to come out of some money. Luckily. Well, yeah, I'm going to have to pay my- I'm not going to make him pay for that. Like, it's not his fault. Kind of is. Kind of is his fault, but I'm not going to make him pay for it. It's bad communication.

Because he's making $3 an hour. But he also put himself in that situation. No, because he talked to the boss before and told her that we were coming. And then when we went there, he was like, they're going to do dishes. And everyone, all the employees, all the higher up

employees, they were like, I don't know who you guys are, but thank you so much for helping out. All this shit. And then they're going to go charge like they're going to go charge us. We worked for five hours for free. You're getting bitched up. This is one of the most like taking advantage of situations that I've never heard. It's like you guys need to call me. I want them to call me.

Call them. They don't. I doubt they even have a phone phone number. They have to have. And my friend Nate was like, dude, call them. What's the ranch's number? No, no. Don't say their name.

Just give them a call. Why not just give them a call? Because I don't want to get my buddy in trouble. You're not going to get him in trouble. What are they going to do? Dock his pay? He's making no money. He, they keep him on.

You know, that's what he said too. He was like, I would have rather them just fought. They just like fired me. They're treating him like they're sex trafficking him. They probably are. They're keeping him on such a low budget that he can never afford to have his own independence. No, that's the thing. That's literally

what they're doing. He'll never make enough money. He can only afford to work there and live there. That's so fucked up. Why is he putting himself in this situation? Because it's a good time, but this is ridiculous. My friend Nate said, you should and his my friend nate said you should get that money he said you should get that money you should get that money in soon before your boss goes back to the hills for the year and he goes back to go back goes back to her house in malibu which is just so true dude it's

like the like you know the person that's running the ranch is a fucking billionaire. If this was like a story, like, he would shoot the woman at the end. Like, he'd shoot her in her head. Like, if this was like a movie or like a series or something like that, this woman would get killed for this. Because she's like a ship captain. She's like an evil ship captain. Yeah. I told him, I was like, or we could just really lay down the law and be like, okay, charge us for the drinks. Tell them that also, by the way, we're all 20 years old.

Fuck yes! Get the liquor license snatched. But then I was like, ah, that's probably a little too scummy of a thing. And I was like, if you actually say that, you will be out of that place in 10 minutes. They'll be packing your

bags for you. Well, this is a sting operation, so congratulations. But still, I mean, dude. Bring them in, boys! Yeah. I spent so much money just to get there. Like, so, dude. I spent like $500. I bought my tickets way too

late. It's in the middle of nowhere. So I spent like $1,000 in plane tickets, basically. Because I had to buy three plane tickets because my second one I couldn't get to the I couldn't get to the airport in time and then we had to spend 400 that sounds like that's that's on you kind of yeah we spent 400 but still I still spent the money and then we spent 400 just to get from the airport to the ranch we had had the airport shuttle drive us and it was four hundred dollars just over three hours away that's like a whole other flight i know what the fuck i know it was ridiculous so how much

is this now i'm gonna wind up costing you total like over a thousand dollars probably like a thousand hundred like probably like a thousand hundred dollars fuck bro to work and and i was working i'm gonna dude like there's to be some sort of law around that. I'm going to go there. I want my paycheck. Or just take them to court yourself. You're a whiz kid. Fucking take them to court

on some Doogie Howser type of shit. Like a child doctor, a child lawyer. Just go to a fucking court and hold them over the fire. Yeah, I have no idea. It's ridiculous. I was baffled when I heard that. It has to be illegal. You can't just be putting new policies in place when we already left at least say it to my face

tell me i need to pay the money and i would pay the money if they were like i would bitch up to your face yeah if they were like me out and i will bitch up yeah but don't fucking put me in a situation from afar where you know i could talk shit on you behind your back exactly and it's like if i if i knew I was paying the money, I would have been like, okay, can I have a bed? They were definitely talking so much shit on you. Can I maybe get a glass of water? The fact that they're doing this so many weeks after the fact,

they definitely have been talking shit. They're still thinking about it? They're still. They're definitely just like these motherfuckers. She's definitely chain-smoking, looking out the window at like 3am. Just a pile of ashes. Fucking kids. They took the fucking drinks. I'm gonna dock his pay. chain smoking looking out the window at like 3am like a pile of ashes fucking kids fucking drinks we're gonna dock his pay

we weren't even drinking like from the bar a lot like most of the drinks that we had were like the kids that worked there went to like the town and bought shit all the everybody that works at this place what's the place called I don't want to say everybody that works at this place needs to hit us

up and we will unionize yeah we will organize you we'll be like emma goldman and we'll fucking talk to you uh on like the steps of the ranch or something and we'll get you fired up and we'll either not work we'll fucking go on strike and the fucking 400 night 400 a night guests will have to fucking clean their own shit and flush their own toilets the entire time 400 a night guests will have to fucking clean their own shit and flush their own toilets the entire time. $400 a night too, dude. It's like, for what?

I don't know. I don't know what it's like. Is it nice? Yeah, it's nice. But I mean, dude, $400 a night? Is it like a bed and breakfast? I guess the meals are included and shit. So that's kind of like

a bed and breakfast. Yeah. I can't get down with a bed and breakfast though. Like, I don't want to just have like rooms in a house. I don't like that. I'd rather stay in a shitty of like a bed and breakfast. I can't get down with a bed and breakfast though. I don't want to just have rooms in a house. I don't like that. I'd rather stay in a shitty hotel than a bed and breakfast. It wasn't like that though. They were in cabins.

Okay, so everyone has their own cabin? Yeah. That kind of sounds sweet. Just like a little glamping situation. Yeah, I mean it's very nice. But still, I mean, dude. It's one thing to charge us while we're there. there charging us two weeks later and taking it out of his pay when you know he's making literally like so much under minimum wage

this must be frustrating because there's literally nothing you can do about it yeah what can you do about it like i'm trying to theorize i'm trying to even get like crazy about it and if we're not going to give out their name and we're not going to go legal about it and uh we're not going to give out their name and we're not going to go legal about it and we're not going to should we make a diss track yeah yeah that yo let's fucking get in the booth let's hop on wax yeah indentured servitude is whack i just feel like fife doom i just feel like the the the idea of them being like i'm not going to charge these kids who were there i'm going to charge the guy that works who's worked here for two years and dock it from his pay it's like he's been there for two years yeah i mean dude that'd be like if one of my buddies got a slave mindset yeah that'd be like brainwash yeah no well yes it's a cult he's brainwashed it literally is a commune

but it would be like if if if like we brought like when buddies came... My buddies came to the office one night, one Friday night when they were visiting New York. They came here and we were hanging out. Didn't touch the booze. We were hanging out. Nice sober night. Never. But it would be like if all of a sudden

Dave just starts removing money from my paycheck. Who that? You can't remove money from someone's paycheck. Docking people's pay? That's not like a thing. I think that it is a thing. I think they could dock your pay. On a minimum wage job?

If you like broke like a... If you worked at McDonald's and you broke the ice cream machine they're not going to be like, alright, well, we're going to have to take this from your pay. You don't think that a fucking corporation like that isn't devious? You don't think that they're just like, we're worried about the bottom line? Like there's somebody in accounting with like no soul that's just like, yeah, like he broke the

he broke the whatever, the vending machine. He broke the milkshake machine. It's just like for ranch people, it's like, come on. At least pretend you're a ranch person. Ranch people don't dock other people's pay. It is very un-ranch.

While we're sleeping on the fucking hardwood floor. That is ranch. That's ranch shit. Eating two week old leftovers. Maybe they just wanted ranch while we're sleeping on the fucking hardwood floor that is ranch that's eating eating two week old leftovers maybe they just wanted to give you like a desperado story just like that is some fodder for a country song wait i got something else happened too that i wanted to talk about um well like this was else while we were there just to like describe how how crazy the boss was um was she it's a woman yeah is she single i don't know i didn't all the only interaction i ever had with her was

surely you newbies would know to wash your hands before eating and i was like i'm not washing shit i'm taking this horse manure right to my hamburger i didn't wash my hands i refused to i went over and i pretended i turned the water on and I held my hands around like this. Like this was the stream. As an act of silent defiance. Yeah. Against corporate greed. I was like, look, I'm not going to follow the herd. Okay?

I'm going to get this hand, foot, and mouth real fucking cast. Yeah. I'm going to get this bird flu. I was like, I was going to wash my hands. Until you said something, ma'am. Who'd you call a newbie, ma'am? Crazy. What a crazy bitch.

That bitch is crazy. And we don't really condone saying bitch. I don't call people a bitch ever. I've never heard you say it. This might be the first time I've ever called someone a bitch in my life. And even if she was a man, this would be bitch behavior on her part. If it was a man, I don't even know what I would have been saying. Oh, you would have just brawled with him. Yeah. Rough and rowdy, brother.

I would have had to come to fists. Rough and rowdy. Yeah. Let's get in the octagon and fucking settle this. Yeah. It's ridiculous. You just choke him out. I mean, this is a bad situation for you. I'll be leaving a review. You just need to. I'll definitely be leaving a review. Is it reviewable? Is it a

situation like that where you can hop on Yelp and really let your feelings be known? Some places can take the bad reviews off, though. No. Can they? Sometimes they peg you to take them off. That's a real thing. They'll say, like, we'll give you a gift card or something

if you take this review down. Because it's that damaging to the business. Hit it where it hurts. Their pockets. That's how you fucking get to them. Nobody's going there now. Once they know that they have their workers... I mean, minimum wage has got to be $15 in a lot

of states. They have their workers working for a fifth of minimum wage. I mean, minimum wage in New York is probably $15. I think it is $15. I think it is 15. I think Massachusetts is like 13. Out there, though, it's like low. Why?

I don't know. And I was telling my buddy that because I was telling him. If you complain, we'll kill you. Yeah. I was telling him to move to New York because I was like, you'd probably be better off working in New York, making 15 an hour. And then like for the summer, because he'd make more money and then he could just move back to Denver. He'd have more money. Yeah. Is he just trying to make money? No, he just

wants to work in a kitchen, and he's one of the head chefs. Well, they only have kitchens in Wyoming. Yeah. It's a fun time. They just basically party every night, because it's not a real ranch. Well, they only party in Wyoming. It's a commune. They only have communes in Wyoming. It's probably true. No, you could go to's a commune. They only have communes in Wyoming. It's probably true.

No, you could go to a California commune. There's got to be better paying communes. He's actually going to California next summer. This is his last year at the ranch. It's a very commune hopping move. You got to hit California a little bit. I'm surprised he hasn't hit up Hawaii. Hawaii?

Yes, maybe pop out to Hawaii. But you've been... Hawaii. My Native American voice sounds just like my Hawaii voice. It's tough. Like, oh, this is Hawaii. We are a proud

people. Do you think that's Native American or Hawaiian? I don't know what that was. It just sounded like yourself. It was Native American. It was tough. We'll work on that. Yeah. Put me through the fucking ringer, bro. Yeah. My stomach is just... You just don't have enough life experience to put me through the ringer. You are getting lit up for not having enough life experience.

I know. You gotta be through shit. It's the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my entire life. Like, you're going on... I was just drafting up tweets last night, but then I was like, nah. Stewing on shit? Yeah, I was pissed. I was in a horrible mood.

Chef of the drafts. Dump out the drafts. I mean, it's just like, it's just crazy to assume that you know. First of all, I'm not acting like I had any, like, what are the life experiences that you're looking for? Like, people want me to have like, I said, my examples were people are mad that I didn't, like, fight

in a war before working at Barstool, or people are mad that I wasn't, like, laying brick for 10 years before working at barstool you should just lie and say you did that shit and uh just be like i don't talk about it yeah it was that it was fucked up yeah oh dude he's been through some shit also it's like no one knows anything about my actual personal life right because you've been through some shit no but it's like no one knows what jobs i had like what i did where i grew up like obviously i grew up in a fine town but like i moved multiple times like oh that's got i had to be trying i've lived in three different cities moving stuff no but it's like what other life experience like what life experience do other people have yeah you've never experienced real

loss you can't have a podcast you can't have a podcast that's what nick and kb were saying you can't have a podcast until you've worked in a cube. Yeah. And it's just like, they just sound so stupid. It's like, okay, so hypothetically, you have real life experience, but you're still not doing anything and you're not funny. Fucking roast these people, bro. But it's true.

It's like, fucking focus on yourself. Also, just try enjoying things. Not every single thing has to have like a downside. But didn't you just give up optimism yourself? Optimism was going great for you and then you've given up optimism and now you're fucking... I don't give a fuck if people say, oh, he's not funny, oh, this shit. But if you're going to say I'm not funny,

just say I'm not funny. Don't be trying to make up these elaborate reasons as to why I'm not funny. They're jumping through hoops to make you not funny. Yeah. Just say, oh, he's not funny. That's fine. i'll be fine with that but like oh going into detail yeah that's beyond the fucking pale it's because he doesn't have it's because he doesn't have any life experience he's never been through what i've been

through yeah you've never slaved away at a office max you gotta start moonlighting as something if you got a different job, what would it be? I don't know, but like what? A murderous taxi driver? Yeah. That would be fire. You've never driven for Uber Eats. You've never been put through the ringer. Everyone does think they're about to like deliver for Uber Eats, get a bunch of life stories, like get some real experience.

No, you're going to sit in a car and listen to a podcast for 10 hours a day. Or you're just going to tell the other people who hop in your car, you should hear what the girls talk about in here. I've had that conversation with a fucking billion Uber drivers. They're like, oh yeah, when girls are in here, they start talking crazy.

Like, alright, man. You're not going to wear a mask in here, man. That's good with me. I'm all vaxxed up, so you don't have to worry about it get the vax but i mean between us i love they just always assume you're on their side too kovat's not real man you know that right pop that thing off seriously man you're making us all look bad you're weakening the cause man rip that thing off man i don't want kiss me i don't i don't want people driving by us and seeing you with that mask you're making me look bad this is a small town man you're gonna fuck me people talk around here all right don't make me look like an asshole or people at the

gym will just start talking to you about it man like oh man i'm glad you weren't wearing one because i was about to take mine off this fucking thing man i'm tired of it myself breathe with this thing on it's like I got a fucking muzzle on my face. And I always agree with people like a bitch. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

I poke holes in mine, actually. Easier to breathe. The straw hole. I drink my soda right through it. I don't give a fuck. I just pour liquid through it like a tea strainer.

Just douse my face. I just copped this shirt right out front for uh from that that stand on that shirt they're wearing right now yes this oh that's a cool shirt this fucking avatar the last airbender that's a nice shirt have you seen this shit i have not you haven't seen avatar the last airbender i might have seen it when i was younger i've like i've seen parts of it bro and look at look at the collar. It's the real Avatar Last Airbender merch. It's not like knockoff merch. Yeah, I'm sure it's not.

Bro, this is the real Avatar The Last Airbender shit. And that movie came out like 15 years ago. And that's what I'm saying. It's the real merch that I just- It held up well. Yeah, it's fucking, it's brand new. Yeah, he had that thing in a vacuum sealed bag. And dude, look how good it looks.

Ten bucks. Yeah. For the real shit. It's not even a Gildan collar. It's printed right on the shit, bro. This is the real Avatar Last Airbender merch. You still got the plastic thing in there. You're going to rip it.

That would have been hilarious if just the whole shirt split in half. It just dissolved. It just absolutely disappeared. Yeah, I just caught four shirts from the dude on the corner, on the stand in the corner. People are just selling shit in New York. Yeah, we had a guy outside of our apartment

who was selling shirts that just said schizophrenic on them. Was he selling to like, to contextualize like homeless people? I don't know just said schizophrenic don't mind me i'm just schizophrenic new line new line that i just dropped schizophrenic it's pretty fucking sick because it just kind of like makes you think about the shit that you just like what even is real in this world yeah like we're we all could be schizophrenic yeah it's

deeper than the letters on the fucking shirt think about your think about your thoughts man that's just being schizophrenic your thoughts are a voice in your head yeah dude i don't even have a i don't even have an inner monologue though no you just say everything out loud i'm just one of the 10 yeah i don't even is that a thing have you seen that that like uh 10 of people don't have an inner monologue no i have a heavy inner monologue. I think that that's just bullshit. Even while I'm talking, there's other shit going on up here. You're just talking,

there's another conversation going on? Yeah. It's just like a loud couple at a restaurant? Yeah. Dude, have you ever heard of, like, like, I should have got a schizophrenia shirt.

I know. That shit would have been awesome. Have you ever heard of, like, it's, fuck, what is it called? Exploding head syndrome? Have you ever heard of, like, it's, fuck, what is it called?

Exploding head syndrome? Have you? It's a real thing. It happened to one of my buddies. His head just exploded. No, no, you're, like, going to bed. Oh, that's not what exploding head syndrome is? Your head doesn't actually explode. You're going to bed, and all of a sudden, you just start hearing, like, overwhelmingly like overwhelmingly loud like sounds in your head

and it just like doesn't stop and it's happened to him twice and he thought it was like a schizophrenic like he started looking up like symptoms of schizophrenia what or schizophrenia schizophrenia schizophrenia and that's how you say it and he said the first time it happened it was like a loud it was like a children's. And he said that it just kept on getting louder and louder. Sister act. Progressively as he was trying to fall asleep. What? Yeah.

And then the second time it happened, he said it was just like people just like slamming like cymbals and shit together. What? Yeah. Dude, well, you know that a bunch of our audience is hypochondriacs. People are going to be convincing themselves that they have that shit. It's terrifying. That sounds bad,

but now that I know what it is, I'm definitely at some point going to be like, wait, is that what this is? I want to look it up because he tells me about it. Exploding head syndrome? He's told me about it multiple times, but I don't really know if I believe it.

EHS? I mean, spontaneous human combustion. That's a thing. That's probably like a whole different thing. I think that's when you actually just blow up, when a body just blows up. Exploding head syndrome, EHS, in parentheses. Is an under-recognized...

I've got EHS, actually. It's under-recognized what? Parasomnia? Am I saying that right? Yeah, I think that's how it's technically pronounced parasomnia how would you pronounce it i don't know i'm not looking at a parasomnia yeah parasomnia well you your instincts are great exploding head you take latin exploding head syndrome is an under-recognized parasomnia characterized by a complaint of

sudden loud noise or a sense of explosion in the head that usually occurs at sleep onset what the fuck i know what causes it and how do you obey i think it causes i think it's caused by stress damn i'm surprised you didn't get it first i'm never getting that shit i don't really have because i haven't having I think my body has stopped producing melatonin because I have been having this weird thing that happens where I'm asleep, but I'm not asleep.

My body, most of my body is asleep, but then my head is not. Sleep paralysis? No. It's just like I'm there, but I can't get all the way there. And how long

does this person masturbating on zoloft just for hours yeah you're just like sweating but you have no sensation of orgasm it goes on for a while and then eventually i'm like all right this isn't happening so then i get up and i go to the bathroom usually and then i come back and i pass out for hours or is it like uh hours really yeah like i'll be like chilling because i'm like half asleep so i'm like sitting there and i'm kind of just like not gonna move because i'm like well i'm asleep right now but then i'll be like fuck i'm not falling asleep and then i'll wait i'll look at my phone like three hours have gone by you don't want to disrupt it no because you think you're gonna go under at any second but you don't fuck you should do keep a like pad by your bed and write down

ideas yes any good ones lately no but i do every time that i'm on my phone no actually not one good idea every time that i'm like trying to fall asleep i always come up with ideas and then i write them down in my notes then i wake up the next morning i'm like nah that sounded like a way better idea when it was 3am and I was hallucinating. How do you know though? They might be good ideas. Most of my ideas aren't that great.

It's like one in every ten. You're a volume shooter. I feel like you gotta just put up a bunch of ideas and then a couple will come true. It's better that than just never putting out any ideas or just always sitting on shit trying to perfect it. This one just says raise awareness for Afghanistan. Okay, that's not bad.

What, uh, like, uh... Oh, this one's funny. A school shooter whose bio on Instagram was shock the world. See, that's a good idea. Because you know how it's like a big like sports like motivational thing shock the world shock the world anything is possible oh this one was i was gonna rewrite the mclemore song the one where he's like when i was in the third grade i thought I was gay.

Maybe I shouldn't say this. I think you should. We'll edit it out. I was going to say, when I was in the third grade, I thought I was autistic because I could name every single model of train in the world. That's kind of fire. These are good ideas. But it's tough to even go to your phone because then you get that

blue light back in your life i know well that's why you got to throw on the the orange light uh what the fuck is the orange night shift what the fuck is that it's makes it oh it's less blue light so like i usually throw that thing on until i fall asleep i downloaded tiktok again yesterday had a force yeah i forced. You forced me to. Yeah. Just the worst. Why? It is so bad.

Who did you see that you thought was bad? Everything. What about that dude that he'll make himself fall into a big glass of water? He's got like 60 million followers. He'll walk through a keyhole and then he'll be on a beach. What about him? Is that his name, Zach King? Zach something.

What about that fucking dude? I feel like he's got a massive following and it's deserved. He makes great shit. It's a good following. He's not a magician. He just knows how to do after effects. And what's wrong with that? That he calls himself a magician?

You wish that he was an actual magician well i'll be like everyone's like how does he have a huge following if magic is a real i have nothing against him nor have i ever said anything about him in my entire life except for right now i wish i wish he was on my for you page my for you page is a shit show you have to really dig to get him what do you got and you just scroll endlessly it's dude it's like a mind suck do you ever go on it for like 10 minutes uh yeah no yeah no no one's ever always tick tock for less than an hour even if you're like shitting or like in line for the grocery store no i'll just stay in line here i literally saw a comment that someone it was like the world's biggest plane.

The world's biggest plane taking off. And I checked the comments and someone goes, which it was pretty cool to see. It was really weird. It was huge. Didn't look like it was moving fast, but it was going like 700 miles per hour.

Why did you want to see what people had to say about it? Because I just clicked on the comments and someone goes, they should send this to Afghanistan to save the people. Not a bad idea. Comment below.

That is why they did nothing for us. And it's just got like 10,000 likes. And I'm like, anyone who's seeing that and being like, fuck, dude, that's so fucking Afghanistan never did shit for us. Like, what's wrong with you? But don't you think that it's people just are trying to get the top comment no i mean maybe i i don't know if they're just trying to say dumb shit and like be offensive but it's like i think that it's just like people want the top comment so it's like what are people talking about right now afghanistan and then people find the top comment and then they want

to have the top comment under the top comment so they say the thing most opposite of what the top comment is i think that if you broke down the psychology of the commenter i think you would have a lot less animosity towards them i don't know and it's just like the comments are so dumb like i posted that take talk and some dude is like it's just like people just comment things to get the top comment and it's like they try and be like random and he's like he's like very funny now show me your social security number and it's got like 10 000 likes i just delete those comments i'm like i'm not letting you get any likes on this i didn't even know you could delete comments obviously you should be able to hold down on them and delete it i'll utilize that going forward um but that is uh the dumbest fucking comment that i've ever heard

yeah it'll be like they just all comment the exact same shit. So we're all here at 9am, 10,000 comments. Like if you comment that you're a loser. But being first on a video is exciting though. If you're looking at a video and you're scrolling every video and be like, is anyone else here at this time? It's like,

dude, you need to go outside and do something. Do you think that, or make make a video just do anything beside like nothing in the world is less productive than that but it does get under people's skin like yeah mine exactly that's why i deleted the app and that's why people want to do it though because they know it'll get under your skin oh they don't know it gets under my skin though they do it because then then all the comments are like omg why are we all here right now and it's like because the for you page put you all here there's 10 million of you on the app at the same time like it's not that crazy that you're all there at the same time a thousand of

you are seeing the video at the same time the one thing steven chay was asking the other day is like how do you link a youtube video and like why t, TikTok is never going to let you off TikTok. No. TikTok is not going to have a link to somewhere else. It's just going to be another link that fucking slingshots you right back into TikTok fucking way further. Hey, you've been scrolling a long time. Yeah. You want to do it a little longer?

Yeah. Why don't you keep going? Doesn't it feel good? All you have to do is swipe me away. It's just, dude, it's just an endless time suck. I've never felt worse than when I go on TikTok for more than 20 minutes. Less productive? Yeah.

I'd rather do, like, anything else is more productive. And it just ruins your attention span. You think? Yeah, 100%. What about that Bukowski you were cracking into? You leave Chuck behind? I've given up on everything. On all literature? I've given up on most positive things in my life.

Fuck. You're back in the gym, though. I'm back in the gym hard, actually. Had a great leg day yesterday. Went way too hard, though. Felt like shit after. Yeah? And now you feel like shit because of the fucking processed meat you've been eating, man. I've been telling you, get off of that shit, man.

It's disgusting. Put that salami stick down, brother. It's so bad meat you've been eating, man. I've been telling you, get off of that shit, man. Put that salami stick down, brother. It's so bad. I've been eating this chicken from a place called Stickies in New York. Oh, bro. Come on, bro. It's a chain. Don't put stickies on blast like that. I'm putting stickies on blast. Really? Yeah. So you've been pissing out of your ass from water

just pouring out of my asshole? I don't understand how that happens. is that an accident when that happens it starts and it's just like like it's like and then all of a sudden it's just like and it's just like it literally sounds like someone's just dumping a bottle of water into the toilet and i'm just like oh and i'm like what did i eat yeah i'm like, what did I eat? Yeah, I'm like, all I ate was chicken. And it's cooked. It's not raw, but it's like, ugh.

I'm done with it. I'm done with stickies. I'm out on stickies. Served in the middle of a city. Yeah. New York is disgusting. It's a foul place. My toilet this morning just started throwing shit out of it. An arm came out of it, and it was just chucking turds of shit out of my toilet.

Really? You had an overflow? And it was like, everything was fine. I flushed, and then immediately it all overflowed, like not just like to the top level. Yeah, it started spilling out. It started spilling. Shit water started spilling onto my bathroom fucking floor. Isn't that the craziest sound you've ever heard?

It's terrible. It sounds like someone's dumping buckets of water on your floor and it's just shit. It ruined my day so fucking fast. I had to put a pizza box on the floor so I could go to the bathroom before I went and got cleaning supplies. That was the first week before you had hit up Kohl's and gotten the cleaning supplies? Yeah, yeah. I cleaned the fuck out of the bathroom. Actually, it was a war zone in there.

Really? There was black mold. There's definitely black mold in there. Do your roommates talk behind your back and say that you don't clean? No. I cleaned the entire kitchen on Sunday. And it was a fucking mess. Was it because you had felt guilty because you didn't clean before that? No.

When I lived with a bunch of dudes, the fucking, it would get so dirty in the fucking kitchen yeah it was it was like dirty but it got dirty to the point where i was like all right we're gonna get rats here if we don't clean this yeah the fucking sink has a parabola it's just a fucking the dishes are all overflowed there was trash everywhere there was like i'm cleaning up i find just a piece of pizza on the floor i'm like dude it was a frat house we're men we're adults here come on boys who's piece of pizza on the floor. I'm like, dude, what is this, a frat house? We're men. We're adults here. Come on, boys. Whose piece of pizza?

You tack it to the wall. Whose pizza is this, fellas? House meeting. And then, of course, yeah, we had to have a house meeting, of course. Owen's been using my shampoo. I know. He's watering it down every time he puts it back. We did have a little bit of an incident recently where I got home and there was just someone clearly

had been sleeping in my room, which I wasn't a fan of of and i confronted them and no one said anything i texted in the group chat and i was like what's up boys just got back to the plate just go back to the apartment uh it looks like someone might have been sleeping in my room no worries no worries all good uh but in the future please let me know before that happens you said that i got back there's like 10 vitamin waters in my room i was like like, I don't drink vitamin water. Much less 10. That's expensive. Yeah.

Straight sugar in those things. Dude, the way that you prevent against this, this is kind of a life hack, but the way that you prevent against people from sleeping in your room is you always eat chips in bed.

And then anytime they lie down, it's like a minefield. They're just fucking covered in chips, covered in Oreos and Doritos. I think they had people over. I think someone just crashed in my room which like i don't care if someone does that but just just give me a heads up you know just tell me really someone's slept in my room

before oh we'll be like hey can my buddy sleep in your room we'll be like yeah sure i don't care and you just you just need to know beforehand i had like money out i had cash out on the on the desk i'm like i'm counting it i'm like i don't even remember how much was here originally i don't know bro you sounded kind of like a karen i found some drugs in my room illegal substances did you do them no threw them away really yeah and i asked i said someone's drugs are in my room no one replied down the drain they went down the drain oh yeah flushed those things that's whack whack. Because I'm like, dude, I'm not... What are you, fucking DEA? And now I've got, like, this isn't even my sweatshirt.

It was just in my room. I don't know whose it is. Haven't you been wearing that sweatshirt for the last four shows? Yeah. But, like, we haven't... Like, it's just... It just happens to be bad timing. Go outside.

Buy a fucking Last Airbender shirt, bro. I'll buy one for you. Can I buy you some shirts from outside? No, I'm actually going to go to a thrift store, I think, today. Oh, very cool. Yeah, I'm going to pick up some gear. Oh, wow. I'm going to steal from the poor.

L-Train Vintage or what? I'm going to go to Salvation Army. Buffalo Exchange or what? What is L-Train Vintage? Because I don't know anywhere to go shopping here. And someone was like, oh, just go to Dickicks no that's a cop some underarmor yeah that's a good place to go if you want to get a skin tight shirt that just says like work hard play hard not even though they'll have like some buffalo bills gear or some shit like that or just like nike world some like fluorescent nike running

gear some shit and like hunting boots. Yeah. A quick break from our programming to talk to you guys about policy. Genius. Summer is coming to an end and the leaves are about to fall while mother nature bar while mother nature does her thing to prepare for new season. You can do yours by getting free life insurance quotes with policy. Genius policy. Genius can't help you refresh your cool weather wardrobe for autumn, for new season you can do yours by getting free life insurance quotes with policy genius

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So it's a lose-lose. If you don't get it, we can't attack you. If you do get it, we still won't because you signed up for Policy Genius. And Sass attacks to kill. Yes. I wasn't going to throw the K word in there, but... Catch out the bag. Kills out the bag

Let's get back to the episode Let's get back to the episode As a child Dicks was awesome Or like any kind of sporting goods store I never liked that kind of clothing Not for the clothes for like the balls For like the fucking The baseballs and like the football aisle

And shit like that that shit was cool The guns aisle too was cool. I would fucking go through the bows and arrows or the fucking four by four aisle or the shoes. But not the fucking camo hunting gear or the. I would always go to the guns aisle and I would talk to the guy who worked there. And I would be like, what kind of gun you could cause a lot of damage in a very short amount of time. I don't. I'm not interested in reloading.

I just want to keep going. Can you help me out, brother? I don't think, I'm not thinking reloading is going to be much of an option. I think I can help you out, brother. They're definitely the most knowledgeable person in the store. And they're not going to leave their post. They'll be able to tell you everything about everything. They're fucking geniuses in the gun section.

They're out though, right? They don't sell guns at Dick's anymore. At Dick's? You have to go to Walmart. Yeah, it's bullshit. I remember when it was like Barnes & Noble has stopped selling guns. That might have been an Onion article. It was when all the stores stopped selling guns.

It was like some random ass fucking Bed Bath & Beyond. That is funny as fuck. I wonder what the most obscure store to ever... You think you could ever just buy a gun at a gas station? Walmart sometimes is the only store around, though. Walmart has to sell guns. In the places where you need guns, that's where there's only Walmart. I've never shot a gun, and I want to.

It's scary, dude. It's spooky. They had shooting at the ranch, and it was either that or go hiking, and we chose to go hiking. But I really wanted to shoot. Yeah. I just wanted to feel that power. It is fucking powerful. I just wanted to imagine everyone saying I have no life experience and shooting them.

Shooting a plate in the air. Yeah. How is this for life experience? I went to a video for a rough and rowdy. We went to this ring girl's ranch or something like that where she and her boyfriend shoot explosives from far away and they blow shit up yeah and for the final shot she was gonna shoot like a fucking 50 cal from fucking from distance dude how big is a 50 cal bullet are you like this big yeah it's like a fucking slug like you could yeah that's fucking insane but uh i know right i know anyway no this lady was trying

to shoot these explosives and she's leaned up against the car and she has a safety off and she's in her sights and she's getting ready to shoot and our cameramen are getting set up and like a cameraman like steps out and like he just walked into her range of fire and she was just like completely ready to shoot and he was just trying to get a better shot and he like jumped back and was like and he just started cursing her out because he was like it's the the least gun safe thing ever like that's like why would he walk in front in front of her he didn't know like she was coming around the corner of a car she was no he was a freelance expose him no he was a freelance it wasn't his fault it was

a hundred percent the woman with the guns fault to make sure that nobody's like scurrying around and that everybody's set but like we were seconds away from watching like i think about it all the time actually this is just dark but uh just him having exploding head syndrome and just getting his head fucking actually blown up yeah i'd rather have your buddies kind of exploding head syndrome yeah that would be fucked up Would have been a great shot though That's like that scene This will make your head explode

Damn the after effects on that were crazy No his head really blew up Dude That looked like Bud Dwyer out there It was incredible Special effects Who is the Barstool effects department Michael Bay is trying to poach them My dad said that. Yeah, it looked like Bud Dwyer out there. It was incredible in special effects. Who is the Barstool Effects Department? Michael Bay's trying to poach them.

My dad went shooting when he was younger, and he said that his buddy had a bunch of guns, like snipers and shit, and they were shooting in some field, and he woke up the next day, and his whole arm was bruised from the kickback. Yeah. That's the fucking worst, man. I hate the kick hate the kickback no dude that shit is a bitch i fucking know there's

nothing worse than the kick eventually you get used to it dude same with pulling back a bow and arrow one time a bunch of big strong bodybuilders came over to my house while i was playing with my bows my long bows and i was like hey man try and pull this back and they couldn't even pull it back they don't have the right muscles really yeah really shooting a bow and arrow was always very underwhelming did you have to do it at summer camp or some shit no my one of my friends are actually multiple of my friends had them i might have had one actually too everyone had a bow and arrow when i was younger it's always very underwhelming i did not actually have a bow and arrow you really had a bow and arrow when I was younger. I was always very underwhelmed. I did not actually have a bow and arrow. You really had a bow and arrow?

I think I was not strong enough to do it. Yeah. You have bodybuilding muscles. No, I could do it these days. My back is fucking jacked. Is it? That's all back muscle? What have you been doing?

Rose? Bed over rose? A lot of pet. Cable flies? A lot of rose. A lot of rose. Cable flies. But we had to do it at summer camp, but we just had little bitch-ass arrows.

Yeah. It's a very sweet summer camp thing to do. Probably one of the best activities at summer camp. Yeah, definitely. Getting shot with an arrow would suck because there's probably a solid chance that you live. And it's going all the way through, but probably staying there. Yeah. And someone has to pull that out.

It is. This might pinch a little bit. And someone has to pull that out. It is. This might pinch a little bit. And at least it's like a metal tip, like an old school arrow with just a stone at the top, like ripping that back through. Is that what it was designed to do? That's what it's designed for. Just rip your organs out?

Yeah, it's kind of like the same thing. It's like a hook. Oh, like a fish hook? No, a hook has the thing on the end. It's like that. Yes. So it makes it so they can't get off once they're on. When you go to a museum, do you go to the room where all the weapons are in?

Yeah. Is that the first room you go to? Of course. Of course. All the armor? Yeah. Just check out all the swords and shit? I'm on the same type time.

And I'm like, man, I would love to have this. Like, I would put this helmet with this breastplate, this sword, and I'd fuck everybody up. Yeah. There's no doubt in my mind. Armor can't have been that useful. No. Anything that slowed people down. That shit is heavy.

Yeah. See, me, I'm definitely more of a tactical guy. I would just be in and out fucking in the dead of the night. Yeah. Of course. That's why I identify with- I definitely see myself as more of an assassin the dead of the night. Yeah. Of course. That's why I identify with... I definitely see myself as more of an assassin than one of the front line fighters.

Just swooping in. I go up to the prince's room, slit his throat. Yeah. Throw the princess over the shoulder. Yeah, of course. Ride out. Make sure she's safe. He didn't hurt you, did he? I'm more the hero of the story in my eyes.

In all scenarios. No matter what time I was born in. No matter if I was in anime. If I was on some fucking Viking shit. If I was Norse. This is how the people think that do like paintball consistently in their life.

Have I ever told the story about how I went paintballing when I was younger and the guy like held us hostage no i don't think so he made you do the dishes i think i've talked people always make me do the dishes i think i've talked about this before i like went paintballing when i was younger and we it was like my fifth grade birthday party and we were like sitting there it was like me and my buddies and we all are like posted up in this uh like little cabin because it's like a set basically it's like a it's like a yeah for paintball yeah set like a like a set like a set yeah i understand and we're like sitting there in this little room and this guy comes in with like this massive fucking gun he's like 40 years old and he's like he's like all right, everyone can put their hands up.

I'm going to blast all of you. And we all just like walk out with our hands up. And we're like 10 years old. And he's like 40. Dude, like if you were going to stand there and just unload on all of us. Execution style. Yeah. If someone tries to run.

Oh, man, that was crazy. It was fun, though. I would like to go paint pauline again sometime soon i guess i would as well but the fact that that guy just marched you out he definitely uh like thinks he's a navy seal no that's what i meant like those are the kind of people who was like he probably went back to his wife and was like yeah pretty solid day it's about the uh pretty solid day at the course today i had to teach some young boys a lesson took it easy on him i bet he just fucked the shit out of Had to teach some young boys a lesson. Took it easy on them.

I bet he just fucked the shit out of her because he felt like such a man. He didn't even tell her why. She's like, wow, really? What's gotten into you? Couple of boys, actually. Couple of youngins. Lined up some 10-year-old boys. Fired them off execution style.

Just like I saw on Schindler's List. Firing off people execution style paintballing would be the craziest thing or like making them get in a dick a ditch that you dug or something like that all right everybody lie down face down yeah the guy who's like in charge just to make sure everything's going over smoothly just stumbles across some dude with like 10 kids lined up with their hands behind their backs what are you doing richard the hell is going on over here there's a fifth grade birthday party all right get down with these boys because i think when we did it like when you go to those places for the first time i think in your head you're like oh we're about to play like two on two with my buddies you don't

know you're going in with like a bunch of like ex-marines people who go there every sunday it's like their activity and they have the gear they they're the ones who are going to dick's boarding goods yeah people there's a whole paintball section i used to play a lot of airsoft when i was younger and that was the most underwhelming thing ever i don't even know what airsoft is i know who airsoft fatty is and i didn't even really know airsoft was before that it's realistic looking guns that they give to people that they want to get shot by cops or whatever. How does it work? It's just like a realistic-looking gun, but it's like a spring.

I think it's like spring-activated, and it just shoots these tiny little pellets. Like BB guns? It's like a BB gun, but like— A little more serious? No, no. BB guns are way more powerful. But like, obviously there's some airsoft guns that are like super strong, but like,

when we were younger, we had like the pistols, and it would be like, you'd be like trying to play with your friends, and you'd be shooting it, and the wind would just be like taking the bullets. You're like, damn, this is really underwhelming. This shit is just dumb. Yeah, paintball is cool. Like, paintball, like if you're, if you, like, I don't know, it's just like the better option. Gun toys

are just the best toys though. I was big into rubber band guns when I was younger. That was so fun. Just being able to wrap them around your finger and shoot them? No. Or real rubber band guns. God damn. You'd take them and you'd peel them back and there was ones where it was like a revolver. That's some prairie shit. It was sick. We used to play with them all the

time. That does sound cool though. Any kind of gun though. Super soakers. We used to play with them all the time. That does sound cool, though. Any kind of gun, though. Super soakers. Do you think that iPads are ruining gun toys? Oh, 100%. Really? Kids don't even play with guns anymore. It's the fucking libs. Fucking iPads, dude.

Fucking sheeps on the left. Seriously. I heard super soakers are going to have to go out of business. Super soakers making masks now. You get the super Soaker vaccine. Just like every other pitbull on the left. Is it pitbull?

What does he say in that video? You know, the you're not that guy video? I don't know. Just like every other pitbull on the left. Follow the herd. That guy does have an abnormal amount of testosterone in him. Most masculine person on earth, maybe. Yeah, just so much.

And it's not even his fault. He's just genetically blessed. Yeah. Maybe it's a curse. Poor guy just has to walk around with bowling balls between his legs. It's probably uncomfortable for him. Dude, he bossed up that guy recording so hard

it wasn't even funny. I'm surprised people haven't followed up with him. You're not that guy, pal guy. Usually when you follow up with someone like that, it turns out they're like a neo-Nazi or something. Like the fucking bagel boss dude. Remember that dude in the bagel shop that was like five feet tall?

Of course. how could i ever forget found some other rant of him and he's just like racist as fuck yeah he's just a guy who just dumps out opinions into the world yeah and uh and usually they're pretty bad and he's he's angry at everything and it's not usually a rational anger he doesn't carry a lot of rational anger but probably same with this guy though at least he least he's so fucking masculine that he would just stick by his stupid ass takes, whatever they were. Yeah. I'd like to track down your nut, that guy, Pug Guy. I know. I would, too. We should have him on the podcast.

Should we? Dig deeper. Or at least he should be selling some kind of class, or he should have a radio show, or he should be inspirational speaking. It should be called Man Up. Most of the speakers that I see who talk about being an alpha male aren't that alpha. No.

And they're not as alpha as that guy. Yeah, no. He should at least have a cassette tape set or something or an infomercial or some shit where people can buy into you're not that guy, pal guy. Where do you think he's from? Illinois or something?

Somewhere in the Midwest. Midwest, definitely from? Illinois or something? Midwest. Somewhere in the Midwest. Definitely. Had to be in the Midwest. Yeah. You're not that guy. Trust me, pal. You're not that guy. I would have been like, whoa. Put the camera down instantly. Yeah, you're right. You're right. My bad. I think

it was an argument about because he wasn't wearing a mask, right? It was in the beginning of the pandemic. Maybe. Maybe not was in the beginning of the pandemic. Maybe. Maybe not even in the beginning. I was at a comedy show last night and one of the comedians had a funny joke and he was like... Are you about to tell the joke? It might have been Dan Soder. You can't tell people's jokes, though.

I don't think you can, dude. I really don't think you can. Because what if he wants to keep on telling the joke or make money off the joke? You can tell the premise, but don't say what his punchline was. I'm not going to say it. I'm not going to say it. You're right. That's the second time I've tried to do that today, too.

Well, I mean, you hear a funny-ass joke. You hear a funny joke and you just want to tell it to everybody. I know. And I feel like that's how jokes used to work before stand-up comedy. Like people would just tell jokes and like make jokes. Like jokes would just make their rounds. It was a funny joke, and it fit the conversation. And they were more, like, public domain.

But now people are so precious about their own jokes that it's like people... I know. They don't want you, like... It's bullshit, bro. Ruining their special. Makes sense, though. I respect it.

But we should do, like, just like SportsCenter does, like, the top ten. Like, you don't want to watch all the stand-up comics. So we should just, like, go watch a bunch of comics in the city 10 like you don't want to watch all the stand-up comics so we should just like go watch a bunch of comics in the city and you can come watch our program and we'll just tell like the best jokes that we heard all week. It'll be like a highlights reel. These are the best jokes we

heard. This is what the guy said how he said it. Exactly. I'm doing a stand-up show. Let's fucking go dog. In September. Why don't you tell some of your jokes?

Yeah, I will when I'm doing the show, bro. I'm not going to give that shit away. Exactly. I'm not giving that shit up. But yeah, I'll be... Come the son of a boy dad to listen to other people's jokes, not ours. That'll be an opportunity where people can come see me if they want to see me because it'll be a real show. Oh, there'll be sellable tickets?

Yeah. It won't be an open mic. I'm in building what is it i don't know the guy said he would let me know he was like he was like can you do it next weekend and i was like no i'm not going to be here and i was like i can do it anytime after september 6th i'm gonna this is how i'm gonna laugh about No smile. I'm going to bomb hard. Oh my God. That's so fucking funny. I hope it's not long.

I'd be able to do like seven minutes. Seven? Yeah, I don't want to do anything over that. I don't want to do like 15 minutes at all. What about three minutes of crowd work at the front? We'll make it an even 10. No. Where are you guys from?

Barstool fans? Yeah. Let me tell you about things in here. Make some noise if you're a Barstool fan. Yeah, give it up for FIFA. Wow, you guys are great. You guys are great tonight. Anyone racist in the crowd?

Good, just wanted to double check brooklyn man things have changed comedy's a lot softer here these days every single comedian last night man the new york's turned into san francisco with the woke shit they all say that most likely your joke just isn't as funny as you think it is. They all like to blame it on it being like, oh, New York is so woke. It's like everyone's here. We're here for a stand-up show. And everybody's saying the same shit. Yeah, they, every

single comic said the thing about New York being woke. Yeah, you can't just complain about the circumstances that you're in. That just doesn't make for a... But apparently it's a thing. People say that they go to other cities and the crowd goes wild at their jokes and then they're in New York. But why talk to New York about that?

Just get it off your chest, I guess. People are just all fucking frustrated. Also, stand-up comics love to be like, just got out of a relationship and then no matter what the crowd says, they'll be like, alright, thanks.

Whether people will applaud or don't applaud. Thanks. I've seen so many fucking people do that. I had a joke like that. Did you really? In my first time doing it, yeah. Just got out of a relationship.

Thanks, guys. No, I didn't do the thanks thing, though. Mine was more funny. I think being able, you could talk about just getting out of a relationship, but just blaming like whether people cheer or don't cheer. Yeah, I think it's just like an attempt to like awaken the crowd. Guaranteed reaction. Wake up the crowd, yeah.

Thanks. Okay. Okay. I guess I'll just go fuck myself then. Jeez, you guys are a handful. Just acknowledging that you're fucking up is not a good idea. I think it is. I don't like it at all.

I think it's a good idea. That one needs work. Alright, that one's gonna need work. I think that that's... And I lost you guys. They always say shit like that It's annoying Continue on with your jokes

Ain't nobody Really I did that in a battle rap one time I tried to freestyle something at the beginning of the round It was like oh nobody And it got a fucking crazy reaction That literally happened last night Someone came up and they were like They did some joke relating to the other person

and she's like wow i did not think that was gonna bomb and then the crowd starts laughing yeah well it did bomb well it bombed the crowd starts cheering for you yeah because it's just like oh yeah you suck and we're all acknowledging it just kidding everyone there was actually hilarious it was probably the best stand-up show i've been to and it was weird because it wasn't a lot of like people that i knew most of the ones you go to you know everyone this one i knew two people and it was like seven comics it was a long show it was like two hours and everyone was hilarious we can still find some stuff to complain about though oh yeah we'll find yeah we'll find something to bitch about, though.

Don't worry. We recognize that it was good. You're sure life working, and it's vulnerable. But we'll find something. Yeah. We'll find something to get to the bottom of. I'm pretty fucking sure. Pretty fucking sure.

Yo, so Rough and Rowdy's coming up. Yeah. You're not going to be there. But also, when this comes out, it'll already have happened. It will have already happened. But also the next episode we're going to go to, you're going to come to Kennesaw State.

Kennesaw State. Kennesaw State. This is a confirmation. Oh wait, that will Yeah. Kennesaw State. Is that what it's like down there? We're going to Georgia, right? Is it your first time in Georgia? Yeah

In a South State I'm going to start packing lips when I get down there Big time, you got to Call everyone Bubba Hey Bubba What are y'all talking about? Yeah, I was actually just out in a ranch in Wyoming At Wyoming way

Yeah Out West Pretty good people out there hell you know they charge you a buck 50 for a room bleed that charge you about a buck and a half for a night look at the guy look at what do you think i'm jay what do you think i am jeff bezos i ain't made of money Yeah Who are you Howard Johnson yourself Who do you think I am Mark Fuckerberg

Whatever that son of a bitch's name is Anyway I paid him I'm good for it Yeah He knows I'm good for it I looked the son of the bitch dead in the eye I said look I'll scrub your dishes I'll do your laundry But I ain't paying $50 a night

Get this A fortnight later, they charge me anyway. That's how I imagine it is out in Atlanta. And it's just, Atlanta is like... Just kidding. I don't imagine it's like that at all. I imagine it's pretty much like every other city. It's north of Atlanta, though.

Oh, we're not going to Atlanta? I think we're flying through Atlanta and then it's probably 40 minutes north, I think. Oh, nice. Nice. And so hopefully that'll be more country we gotta go to some country shit we gotta go something privately owned yeah but by this by the time this comes out you will milk the milk shit would have will have already happened so uh you want to react to it it was last night yeah well it was fucking insane i can't believe that one dude said all that racist shit but i'm not that surprised because he was in Atlanta.

No, he actually did it. He wound up not being racist. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They explained to us why it wasn't. It's actually not racist. And I'll tell you why. Well, guys, if you're listening to this, Rome was murdered at the Milk Fest. And God damn, god damn did it

hurt yeah ouch what is this that we're going to do it's a milk it's a milk uh milk fest what the hell is a milk fest they're having milk chugging competitions oh fuck yeah so it's gonna be a lot of throwing up i imagine they have to throw up a bunch. Yeah. There's no doubt in my mind that they're fucking puking a ton. Yeah, well, I mean, you drink enough milk, you throw up. But I thought that it was something where they would all be chugging at the same

time, like a hot dog eating competition where there's a stage of people all chugging, but they do it in like heats and people go head to head with each other. Oh, wow. And there's like seeds. And like, so like the two seeds going against the three seeds, it's like a top build matchup or like they shut down these streets

and they do it at night under the lights and shit like that. How do you get into milk chugging? It's like... One day you drink a glass of milk and you're like, that was fast. That was pretty quick. I think it's genetics for most people.

Their parents did it before them. It's like race car driving. Makes sense. You probably have a stronger stomach or something. Yeah. Is it all whole milk? I think that there's probably divisions. It's like lightweight, heavyweight, skim milk, 2%, whole milk, buttercream.

The lactate boys get kicked out of town. The soy milk boys. Almond milk? Brother, you must be in the wrong part of town We don't drink almond milk around here, son Is that oat milk or goat milk? Please to God, tell me that's goat, not oat Tell me, oh, what do you work for?

The Biden committee? Get out of here with that soy boy shit What type of Michelle Obama shit are you on, man? That happened to Nick and KB. They went somewhere in upper Illinois. Like northern Illinois. Yeah, big confederate territory.

Yeah, they were wearing masks and some guy pulled a knife on Nick and asked if he worked for the Biden committee. Or did he ask if he was Antifa because he had a black shirt on? crazy that's wild antifa is obviously smarter than that they start they send their undercover agents out and fucking bright shirts they're fucking undercover antifa you think that antifa is just fucking sending their uniformed officers out in their black shirts right into the world no they'll Not a chance. They'll wear some Under Armour on. They'll fucking go undercover.

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Let's get back to the show. Featuring Owen. And Owen. That is my Tim Dillon impression. I want to make that clear. That shit does not sound like him. His voice is gruff. Yeah, that was better. That was like mincy. I'm not trying to... I don't have an impression.

I was just trying to do his intro. Do the full gruff voice. I can't. I don't know what it is. Do Ben Mincy... Do Ben Mintz doing an impression of Tim Dillon. No. You respect the man too much.

I don't do impressions. Okay. I'm not an impressionist. You don't do impressions of... I wish I could do my own impression, though. I tried to do it again the other night. Couldn't... On stage? No. I tried to do it again the other night. Couldn't. On stage?

No. I tried to do it in my room. While you were at the stand-up comedy show, you heckled someone in an attempt at your Trump. We're going to build a wall. We're going to build a wall. That's not bad. It's not bad. We're going to build a wall.

That's not bad, dude. I feel like I'm sitting in a bathroom. Close your eyes. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Wait, do your voice and do Trump's voice, and I'll see if I can tell the difference. We're going to build a wall. We're going to build a wall. We're going to build a wall.

We're going to build a wall. It's going to be the greatest wall anyone's ever seen. It's so bad, dude. I don't think it's that bad kill myself no no don't be down i should kill myself dude thank yourself for thank yourself for doing a uh i can't do a trump impression dude should we just bleep out the whole my dad told me when i was a boy every man from our family can do a perfect Trump impression. And if you can't, it's up to you to handle that.

It's been passed down from Trump impression to Trump impression. Yeah. We're fourth generation Trump impressioners in this family. You're not going to fuck this up. You do it, Ron. You're going to build a wall. You're not about to pull me down with you do it you have a good one i've heard it before dude this isn't the you're you're nervous that's

why you're like afraid to do it because after it's like going on after somebody we're not gonna judge you it's just going on after somebody it's like going on after someone who's bombed no mine was better. Yeah, exactly. Yours was better than that. We're not going to judge you. We're going to build a wall. We're going to build a wall. Sounds like I don't even know.

Can you do Donald Trump being the Joker, though? Yeah. Why so serious? Why so serious? That sounds like Barry Manilow I don't even know who it sounds like but it doesn't sound like Trump It sounds like Barbra Streisand I wanna see him I don't even know who it sounds like

You sound like Fran Drescher I'm gonna stop doing it You sound like Wayne Brady People are gonna end it, people are gonna shut off the podcast Yeah people are rage throwing their phones right now Stop! He doesn't have the life experiences To be making Trump impressions People are going to end it. People are going to shut off the podcast. Yeah, people are rage-throwing their phones right now. Stop! He doesn't have the life experiences to be making Trump impressions. You've only experienced Trump to be able to make impressions of.

How old were you when Obama got out of office? I think like three. Yeah, you don't fucking know shit about what Obama was doing. I almost just kicked my leg. Kick the feet up, bro. Do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it. I almost just kicked my feet up. This boy was comfortable. What the hell am I doing?

This ain't your living room, son. What are we, living in a barn? He's a popping Adderall before this podcast. You're about to kick up and be relaxed, bro. I just went to took a piss. Now I'm all giddy. Yeah. Got a clean tank.

Empty tank. You got your shit out of your body. No, I didn't Really? So you're just Still carrying? Fortunately it is still in there You got a license to carry shit around?

Yeah I got a license to carry A massive dookie I have a license to carry A massive massive dookie You sound like Delilah Delilah You know who Delilah is?

Delilah's like the radio show host who was syndicated, who people would just call in with their relationship problems. No. That's who you sound like. The only radio that I ever listened to was Maddie in the Morning in Boston. Who was that? Boston. Who was Maddie in the Morning?

It's Maddie in the Morning. He was funny. Funny dude. He's still on. What did he do, like War of the Roses? Yeah. Hey, we wanted to send you some roses. Do you have anyone special in your life?

No, he would just like talk. Sure, the girl that I'm cheating on my wife with. He would just talk. It was good. It was good radio. What kind of talk? Political? No.

Just do bad. It was like the yak. Really? He would just let it fly? Yeah, he'd just let it fly. He'd just let it rip. I love to let it rip. Talking about pop culture shit like that.

Yeah. John Stamos or whatever. You know what I hate? Woke people. Woke people ruin everything. Was that good? All right, I'm getting better. I could tell I was better.

Yeah, that was better. I was brewing up in my mind for a bit Do you think that You know what I hate Woke people It's so bad You're like going at different pitches I'm trying to see where it's at

You sound like a kazoo I'm tuning myself Yeah you gotta tune it I'm tuning myself to the Trump impression You gotta get the pitch of Trump There's nothing more disrespectful Than impersonating the president. Anyone who impersonates the president or former president serves the chair.

They're treasonous. It's treason to. I remember when we had respect in this country. Yeah. I mean, there's none of that anymore. No. People just making jokes. Orange man bad.

I remember when comedy was respectful. Not anymore. And that's a damn shame. I'm fucking tired of that shit. I'm fucking pissed off about it. I won't fucking have it. No. So we are doing, is there going to be another ad? Should we try and sprinkle another ad? I know it's close to be another ad should we try and sprinkle

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right there. We're going to leave a lot of gaps open for us. We're planning on selling this episode. We're planning on filling it up. Yeah, we're going to sell our own ads this episode. We talked to sales and said, you guys aren't really doing it. You're not really pulling your weight. You're not really getting it done.

You're not really doing what we're looking for. I just walked through Times Square the other day. I saw 600 billboards and none of them had my face on it. Call Her Daddy had the billboard. Yeah, they had a billboard. That's crazy. If you're doing Son of a boy dad bingo you can check off call her daddy and jeff bezos so far true do you think anyone has seen a billboard of a podcast

and be like huh i should check that out or like an album i feel like i've seen the most random people in front of billboards in times square i feel like everybody gets one eventually yeah it's like a hole in one if you're a golfer. If you just play long enough, you'll just have a billboard. I saw a TV show. I saw an ad for a TV show on Netflix, and I think I watched it. I think I went home, and I was like,

what was that ad that I saw on this? Because there was a whole trailer playing on the ad in Times Square. What do you mean? Oh, it was... So it was like a TV screen, essentially. You just watched a commercial. Yeah. It wasn't like a stagnant billboard. No, no, no, a, it was, so it was like a TV screen, essentially. You just watched a commercial. Yeah. It wasn't like a stagnant billboard.

No, no, no, no, no. I'm talking about like just a still billboard. A still frame telling you to like listen to an album or a still frame telling you to watch a TV show. Yeah, no. No. I hate doing it. Never. I'm not falling for it.

I would love to get my face on a billboard. One thing about the Irish, though, we're not perceptible to advertisements. You can't advertise to the Irish. You can't fucking say shit to us. You throw an ad at us, a targeted ad, an Instagram ad, it's not going to take... We do what we want. We don't let the capitalists decide what we consume. That's what Freud said about the Irish.

Well, I'm not irish actually oh what so bro this whole time i thought you're a fucking irish bro we're gonna have some problems with that oh you're british yep yep hello hello bam bro that's fucking whack have you ever been to england i have when i was in seventh grade what was it like it was good it was basically just like new y, but better. It's not really that like crazy. Like you go to Rome and you go to Paris and you're like, whoa, these are cool cities. You go to London, you're like, oh, this is just like, they have like different colored,

they have like telephone booths everywhere. It's just like the rearranged American flag. Yeah. It's a crisscross. Yeah. Bro, they stole red, white, and blue from us. Fucking London. I know, dude.

It's fucking whack those fuckers all right how long how long do we have i think we should be all right let's wrap it up you ready you don't as soon as we started talking about your your time in london you try to wrap up the show what happened in london what happened in london bro i just don't want to talk about that right now. It's not your fault. I can't talk about it right now. Damn, bro. You're on some serious repression shit.

London was the worst these days in my life. This is the great repression. What happened? I don't have any life experiences. If you knew about London, you would eat those words. You would not be talking right now. You would eat those words you would not be talking right now you would eat those words almost instantaneously you wouldn't be saying shit instantly i got stoned at a pub and not with weed so people threw stones at me yeah like in euro trip rabid soccer fans attacked me um oh and what is your thoughts on reese on on saying a joke that a comedian said

roan stopped me twice today because i was like oh we were at a comedy show last night and blah blah i had a really funny joke and then i was about to tell the joke and he was like don't say it uh yeah you're not supposed to do that really i feel like it's ethical what if i told you personally personally would be fine personally it's fine we'd laugh and laugh on another platform i've heard so many comedians tell other comedians jokes on like Joe Rogan. I think that... Who I don't listen to, by the way.

And if you're feeling out, son of a boy, that bingo, there's Joe Rogan. Some people should have full boards by now. Just go to barstoolstore.com You know what we should start talking about more? The war in Afghanistan.

Yes, bro. All wars. We should be talking about that Korean War. Yep. Fucking Vietnam. We should be talking about Vietnam and how we never should have been involved in it. How they sent us home with our fucking tails between our legs. Which reminds me of Afghanistan.

Goddamn disgrace. Seriously. Wouldn't it happen if I was alive? Let's just cut it here. Yeah.