Son of a Boy Dad - Son of a Boy Dad: Ep. 19 - The KB No Swag Experience

Episode Date: September 14, 2021

--Sas & Rone are joined by KB from the ANUS podcast. They discuss coming up on twitter, 9/11, sobriety, traveling abroad, ivermectin, reselling shit, lil nas x, live show plans, & much more --New merc...h coming this week!You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, son of a boy dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. Do you want to do the intro today? No. I'm on sleepy mode. No, bro. What?
Starting point is 00:00:15 I'm slumped. You're the tone setter. You go as you go, the show goes. So find something. Dig deep, bro. KB, you hit us with the intro. No. He doesn't even know how to do it.
Starting point is 00:00:28 I'm not doing anything. Hit us with the intro, Sass. Alright. Are we ready to go? Yes, dude. This is all part of it. It's going to take me a little bit to just build up the strength. Yeah, you're like a lawnmower that's sputtering out.
Starting point is 00:00:45 You need some more gas in that tank. Because I'm not doing anything. Welcome back, everybody. Welcome back, everybody. Welcome back, everybody, to Son of a Boy Dad podcast. What's up, everybody? Welcome back to Son of a Boy Dad podcast. Or no, people don't like...
Starting point is 00:00:58 People like when I say, what is up? What is up, everybody? Welcome back to Son of a Boy Dad podcast. Have people conveyed that they like that or you just assumed? No, someone commented. And they said, don't say what's up. Say what is up? the barstool commercials that's my thing also snapchat also uh hardest walker in the office yeah yeah you you're the one who pointed that out to me and ever since i've been super self-conscious about the way i walk i used to thought i used to think i walked fly no one walks fly no some people do that i walk like a gta character you do walk like you're trying to break the pavement you walk like you're trying to stomp through the fucking concrete which i respect but i walk like i've never
Starting point is 00:01:50 stretched my hamstrings in my life we all have gross postures yeah i used to have a crazy wall now question mark no looking at you literally in your shape like you right now i used to have a crazy walk and then i fixed it i saw myself in the reflection too many times and i decided to change it you call it you would like walk next to a building and turn your head fully 90 degrees to the left and watch yourself no it was more when i was walking head-on to like a like a door with glass i could see myself the way i walk what was it like like shaggy from scooby-doo like my legs would like flare outwards with every step. ProNation? So I was like, I gotta fix this. And now I walk more straight.
Starting point is 00:02:30 Doesn't my boy serve Shaggy from Scooby-Doo? Yeah. Young Scooby-Doo energy? I'm giving Shaggy. He's giving big time. Somebody else. Who else is he giving? Velma? Nah, some sitcom shit. Oh, oh. Dannyy masters oh malcolm in the middle
Starting point is 00:02:48 now the middle the middle is a good show you have to look it up i used to watch i've seen like every episode of that show there's a kid he looks like keaton jones if he his parents didn't drink chicken fry tried to get on your ass this morning i know i saw she tried to give you a doppelgang it did it was very similar posture i didn't think that he looked like you at all no no he didn't look like me but the posture was the same would you chicken fries doing a college tour around america yes yes would you ever do that no why i could never do that what do you mean maybe maybe in like 10 years i don't want to be around i don't want to be i don't want to be around people my age.
Starting point is 00:03:27 Take a page from Roan's book. That's literally what I've been doing for the last three years. When me and Roan went to the milk thing. Oh, you did do it. When we went to the milk thing, I was incredibly uncomfortable when I found out that it was going to be kids my age. Why? Because he thinks he's better than kids his age. No, I don't.
Starting point is 00:03:43 You are. No, you actually are. I think they're better than me. No, check the stats. A lot of the new hires and interns will come up to me and be like, Sass is shy, isn't he? I was like, no, he just condescends. He doesn't regard you as a human. It's not true.
Starting point is 00:03:58 That's cool. The first six months I was here, I didn't talk to anybody. Yeah, but you have to get out of your shell at some point. Just bust out. You need to go to the champs at Penn State. Yeah, but you have to get out of your shell at some point. Bust out. Just bust out. You need to go to champs at Penn State. Yesterday, Ebony came up to me and she was like, everyone says you're funny. I don't see it. She's the bluntest bitch in the office.
Starting point is 00:04:16 She was like, I've never seen you say something funny. I was like, yeah, I don't know. She's honest. She's like, show me something funny. She's honest. She was asking me to do a joke for for her basically yeah did you do one that's gotta adapt to her yeah i was just like yeah you're not gonna get that growing up in plymouth county is that where you grew up pretty much is it actually yes you're in bucks county nah bro county yardley delaware county fuck out of here
Starting point is 00:04:43 dude what are you talking about? Not all the way out there. That's slower, lower, dude. Springfield, Delco. I'm not out in slower, lower, dude. Is there a Springfield in Philly? There's a Springfield in every state. It's true. There's a Springfield in Massachusetts. Shut up. It's one of the biggest areas, I think. Shut the fuck up, bro.
Starting point is 00:05:02 KB, you're the person that brought Lil Sass to barstool yeah i guess you're you're his actual father the kb guys would all he was always asking me um is there any like funny guys on twitter that would be a good fit at barstool and i would always say uh i can think of one but he hates bars you're the only one I could... I was like, you and Caucasian James, I don't know who else would translate
Starting point is 00:05:29 to off the internet... What did he say that made you think... You're like, he's funny. What? What did he say that made you think he's funny? He's OG funny. I thought he was hilarious when he was in seventh grade which is weird yeah i was looking back i loved you i was looking at the little debbie profile pic and i just assume
Starting point is 00:05:51 you look you looked like that kid wait you've actually been following him since he was 13 i think so worse i was in group chats with him i was messaging him when he was 13 i was i don't know i was when i was when i had a little know. When I had the little Debbie profile picture, I had like 5,000 followers. I think I was in 9th grade or 8th grade. That's fucking weird. Okay. Okay, Roan.
Starting point is 00:06:16 That's some Millie Bobby Brown fucking Drake shit. I'm not flying him to cities and God knows what you're doing behind the scenes. He's in the age of consent now. You're molding his mind. So if that's where the me, you, and Tim Dillon all are weird. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:33 We spot something in the youth. Something about you. But the fact that you've been on, you're like a Dominican talent scout for the major leagues or some shit like that. You were down watching him. I was down in Aruba. Dutch Isles. Dutch Indies. out for the major leagues or some shit like that like you were down like watching i was down in like aruba like the dutch isles you were you were just fucking combing through the the middle schools in massachusetts trying to find some hot new talent and uh this is the boy what did you think of kb when you first uh like what are your first impressions of him like when he was starting to group i mean scout you kb was like the first like he was like one of the first
Starting point is 00:07:05 like viral tweeters everything he would say would go viral yeah and that pissed me off ron included why i remember when i came on my um your intern and i got hired everyone was like this guy's uh this guy buys his retweets buys his likes i didn't i didn't piss me off decker you and people people used to think when i got hired people thought that i bought my likes and retweets they were like they were like he get look at the comments that he gets compared to his likes and retweets and it's like you guys are thinking into this too much yeah they don't fucking know they just don't know the art behind it there is dude it's an art it's not dude break down like the fucking viral fucking tweet like how do you do it like what's the
Starting point is 00:07:44 fucking secret bro what do you mean like it's like hack comedy or fucking tweet like how do you do it like what's the fucking secret bro what do you mean like it's like hack comedy or like you like hack into it's just like once you get enough viral tweets like everything if you you can get it to everything that you do goes viral like everything you tweet is that true yeah i think there's like a there's a limited amount of like formats topics and like joke structures that people just it's just a mad live cycle I don't really like the structured tweets anymore. Like the, like I used to do this all the time, like formatted tweets.
Starting point is 00:08:10 The only one that I'm following him now. Yeah. That I was gonna say, the only one that I thought was funny recently was that one. What? The one that was like, it's like yikes on falling, unfollowing him.
Starting point is 00:08:20 Now I didn't realize that he was grooming sass since he was 13. Yeah. They're funny. There's some funny ones type of shit like that. did you give up the game kb why'd you uh get out of the game uh viral tweeting drug addiction alcohol so you're gonna get back in the game now look how dry your skin is day 12 of no booze how long are you going yeah are you sober now are you going forever well i had you sober now? Are you going forever? Well, I had like a psychological dependence on alcohol in order to have fun.
Starting point is 00:08:49 But now I'm realizing that I just don't have to try to have fun. Yeah. That's like, that's like some femboy shit to try to have fun. What are you doing now? TikTokers try to have fun. Yeah. What are you doing now for fun? I don't.
Starting point is 00:09:03 You have to try. I don't even try is it like love like you uh stop looking for it and it just sits right in your lap have you been finding fun without looking for it no god no yeah life just sucks you're just fucking down it's fun to chill yeah not really though not if you're not looking for fun and you haven't been finding fun watching people like tinker with technology on YouTube, like restoring broken PS1s. You watch that 9-11 documentary on Netflix? No.
Starting point is 00:09:29 It's pretty solid. I think, I watched one of the 9-11 documentaries. Yeah, I think it's brand new. They're really dropping, like isn't it weird? I feel like this is the first year where they've just been dropping
Starting point is 00:09:39 a lot of like 9-11 shit, like right before 9-11. 9-11 is back, yeah. Like they're profiting off of it this year. It's like a marketing campaign. You finally can. We should be able to make some kind of money off 9-11 shit. Like right before 9-11. 9-11 is back. They're profiting off of it this year. It's like a marketing campaign. You finally can. We should be able to make some kind of money off 9-11. Well, everyone should. It's bullshit. We should at least sell like FDNY
Starting point is 00:09:54 shirts. We all went through that day. You didn't. Yeah, I did. Oh, you did. Did you cry? Five months old. Did you cry? Probably, yeah. Because of the gravity of the situation or because you were a baby? Probably because I was a baby. Okay.
Starting point is 00:10:07 You had recently shit yourself and you needed to be gas, like you needed to be farted. Yeah. You probably need to be farted right now. Oh, I do. With your gaseous ass pain. Gaseous clay over here. So you were an infant baby, Roni, were working on your masters. No, I was postmasters.
Starting point is 00:10:23 I was on my postdoc. I was fucking working in a lab somewhere just trying to fucking grind i was supposed to be i was supposed to be in new york at the time i was supposed to be in fucking tower too yeah you're doing rap battle there yeah they had me booked at the last second i was like my bars aren't ready i saw a viral tweet that had like a thousands thousands of replies it was like what grade were aren't ready. I saw a viral tweet that had thousands of replies that was like, what grade were you in when 9-11 happened? You could have just asked,
Starting point is 00:10:52 how old are you? How old are you now? I would have gotten the same response. Everyone was answering their grades. All excited. Third grade. No way! Just say you're 28. POV, you were here and fucking how old are you
Starting point is 00:11:07 just ask that just do the math in your head you don't have to tie it back to 9-11 for everybody what uh pov is more of a tiktok thing though people saying like pov you're doing yeah yeah yeah you don't you don't have a tiktok do you on TikTok? No. Well, I have an account just if I need to see something. Yeah. Like, what do you mean need to see something? Like, if I heard, like, 18 hours to kill? If someone sends me a video. Got you, got you.
Starting point is 00:11:33 Watch it. Someone tagged you in something recently in a TikTok thing. I tried to scroll through to your account. There's nothing there. No. It's just fucking barren. Like what? Like fucking... Like Donald Trump's son.
Starting point is 00:11:48 Like Donald Trump's youngest 8'2 son. I was listening to that clip from the Yak the other day where Nick's talking about someone who like sent him the letter. It's like Barron Trump. He's like my dad just got voted out of office recently.
Starting point is 00:12:03 Could be anybody. That really could have been anybody. So funny. It was just an anonymous letter. Shame that Nick fucking left Barstool, man. I fucking loved that guy, man. He was fucking hilarious. I had a psychological dependency on him. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:17 On Nick. Now I'm just not going to try to create content. You had to quit Nick. Or have fun. Yeah. Yeah, he's joining mike in the mad dog morning shows yeah nick's gonna be the sound effects guy greeny yeah we gotta get a we gotta get a soundboard the the so i went on this dude's podcast uh collie is that how you pronounce his name collie austin collie the receiver from the
Starting point is 00:12:42 the cult back in the day cool collie he's a comedian in new york collie mick no he goes up on the you were on his podcast yeah he's like at the stand he's like a guy at the stand and uh he had a soundboard and i was like damn we gotta get a soundboard what kind of sound is he dropping i don't know because they didn't have headphones so only the producer could hear it it sounds hilarious every time after every time he would do it i'd have to ask him what sound it was what was that like was he laughing at the sound were they hilarious sounds i don't know i didn't hear them but he just had it on his phone what makes you even want it then because it's so good i want it so good what sounds are you wasting okay damn son where'd you find this? Yeah, exactly. We're like... Exactly.
Starting point is 00:13:26 Just like stepping in shit. Yeah. We've been saying. I've said since the beginning I wanted a soundboard. I know, but I thought you gave up the dream. I thought it was like a kid wanting like a certain video game and then like a new video game comes out and you don't care about NBA Jam anymore. No.
Starting point is 00:13:39 Speaking of video games, I think I'm going to buy a PlayStation. A new one. Let's go, bro. Because my PlayStation got stolen. happy for you bro my playstation was was stolen from me earlier in the year six months ago if anyone's seen a playstation uh it's probably describe it maybe uh people have seen it yeah it's probably about like 18 inches by like 12 inches black black there's some stickers on it this big oh there already were stickers yeah identifiable ones any tattoos what do you remember what the stickers were i
Starting point is 00:14:10 think there was a waterville valley ski resort sticker on it what nationality was it i don't know it was black it was black yeah that makes sense yeah it was a black playstation so if anybody's seen it but like the winter's coming around and i think i need to get a new one because the winter here is pretty depressing yeah you got a hobby out the air is starting to get a little bit cooler playing video games is so fun too and my friends are all going back to school which means they're going to want to play it's a good way to connect with the fellas it is should we get should we get uh in our sobriety kb should we get some video game headsets should we get into it yeah I'm like 12 hours sober
Starting point is 00:14:46 I'm pretty I'm trying to think this is the longest I've went since what was Fetty Wap's song 1738 that was the last time that's the last time
Starting point is 00:15:04 I went over 12 days because you went so hard to Fetty Wap yeah what happened you were just tired of saying hey what's up hello to everybody
Starting point is 00:15:14 something bad something bad happened no so how long are you going just how long how long do you want really we gotta get you a medal
Starting point is 00:15:22 yeah we'll get you some chips I don't wanna get on that chip shit we'll get you some chips we'll get you a chips. I don't want to get on that chip shit. We'll get you some chips. I want to. We'll get you a badge. Everyone says they don't want to get on the chips until they have a chip.
Starting point is 00:15:30 You kind of started off this podcast like it was Alcoholics Anonymous. Yeah. My name's Kyle. I'm 12 days sober. That's pretty good. Give us a little testimony. What are the routes that people take,
Starting point is 00:15:41 sober guys take? They become the... You got to get really into fitness. You get really into really into yourself you become fixated on uh your own appearance yeah uh baseball coaching or some shit like that or like you get into the stand-up game and you think that other people care i care just because i'm rooting for it to end yeah i always root for the the fall off the horse it's like how long has it been like wow that's gonna be I always root for the fall off the horse. It's like, how long has it been?
Starting point is 00:16:05 Like, wow, that's going to be thunderously bad when you fall off. Four years? Yeah. 18 years? Oh, it's going to be terrible
Starting point is 00:16:12 for your family. You could get drunk off of one beer. Yeah. I could breathe into your face right now and you probably want to relapse badly.
Starting point is 00:16:20 Yeah, there has to be some other shit that people get into. Going back to school type shit. I don't know that many sober people, though. I know people that'll get like, dudes will get sober for a month
Starting point is 00:16:30 that drink a 30 rack a night and they'll just fucking lose 25 pounds. Yeah, that would be awesome. Have you lost weight? You don't really have much weight to lose, do you? Skin and bones. No, but you're not like a, you don't have much body fat.
Starting point is 00:16:43 I was hella fluffy over quarantine. Really? Yeah. Shut up. How bad did it get? When did you realize it was bad? I looked in the mirror. Like, I actually looked.
Starting point is 00:16:57 Where were you? I'll make eye contact. I never make eye contact, even with myself. One time I did, and it was a tough blow. I took one on the chins. Yeah. There were two. How many?
Starting point is 00:17:09 Only two? That's not bad, man. If it was only two. You're badass. You're gross. I looked like a chubby re... Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the only way to put it.
Starting point is 00:17:19 You were downed bad. Downed bad. Yeah. Exactly. I got really chubby over quarantine. Yeah, it was disgusting. I gained a lot of weight over quarantine yeah it was also really stupid i was like trying to maintain no you didn't no i did i was fat big old belly big old belly on me during quarantine what do you mean belly see mine goes to my face yeah mine goes all to my belly late 20s like that's your face is that you you have one bad day and your
Starting point is 00:17:46 face is just fat yeah it's harrowing i i look at old videos of me like from like my early 20s and my like my my face was way skinnier have you guys ever seen owen's face before before he stopped drinking actually i don't know wait you were fat he lost like 30 pounds you lost 35 pounds in the first 28 days not drinking what i gotta see you more than a pound a day yeah his face is like double but i think all the weight was in his face you that must you must have been morbidly obese from drinking that's really what happens on 600 pound life when people like give up soda or like like walk a a half mile a day or something like that like 600 pound give up light beer beer is i was losing a pound and a half a day if you just stop beer like easy yeah but i would just rather quit drinking completely than start drinking like what what's the alternative like
Starting point is 00:18:40 tequila waters yeah dude that's the worst part i wouldn't care if the fat one other places it's just the face that's like the male yeah the curse of the dude because girls will get fat ass arms and legs and yeah asses sometimes after a long weekend it will be on the yak and i'll see a clip and i'll be like ah oh my god at least you get some at least you can beard out at least like that's like uh that's like a alcoholic's safety blanket. Yeah. You can just throw a beard on if you have, if you can grow a nice thick one.
Starting point is 00:19:12 I've been telling Sassy. Wear like a Canadian goose. Yeah. You just get into the scarf game. I've been telling Sassy, he's never going to have a full beard. Nah, you,
Starting point is 00:19:21 if it's not, I will. My dad has a beard. I'm sorry, man. I'm definitely going to dude i'm so sorry this is you because it's because he can't grow a beard it's not your fault no i mean i just had was in the same spot i was like i had the same mindset and you can't grow a beard so you're trying to take me down with you yeah i mean i'm about to get a fucking i told him we need a beard transplant we're gonna get a fucking... I told you I'm going to get a beard transplant. I'm going to get a full fucking... You're going to get hair plugs in your face?
Starting point is 00:19:48 Luke, let him plug out my entire chin. I'm going to get hair plugs eventually. Got to. Got to eventually. I feel like that's worth it no matter what. Yeah, I don't understand why people... Why wouldn't you if you can? Just get made fun of?
Starting point is 00:20:03 Who cares, though? You got a good set of hair head of hair do they ever go away like do you ever so you just die with a full head of hair sounds incredible dave has hair plugs right it sounds fucking awesome so is he gonna die with just a full head of hair and what do you mean you think what like what are hair when he dies like the hair transplants just disintegrate? I don't know. It's a great question.
Starting point is 00:20:29 What is hair plugs? I think it's hair. So they grow? I think so, yeah. How do they do that? Bosley, bro. We got to have Mr. Bosley on the pod and see if he can get to the bottom of it. So do they ever go away and you got to get new ones?
Starting point is 00:20:52 You got to get new ones you gotta ask dave you gotta have you gotta have portland yeah speaking of mgk do you see that megan fox picture on instagram it was hot no it was like she posted a picture at like an airbnb and she was like there's this massive table behind her and she was like the things this table saw this weekend dot Dot, dot, dot. Eye emoji. What do you think? What do you think it could have been? Oh, she's talking about she got fucked on a table. MGK.
Starting point is 00:21:12 MGK laid it down. I think that they. What's his real name? Coulson. Coulson. Is it? No, it's Michael George Kelly. Is it actually Coulson?
Starting point is 00:21:23 Yeah. I don't know why I like ask that like a question. Cause I know for a fact, where's Kells come from though? Kelly. His last name is Colson. No, I don't think it's Colson.
Starting point is 00:21:35 Like fucking Baker Worthington. It's one of the two. I think that they must have pooped on the table. Yeah. Somebody must have like smearing shit all over it. Yeah. Like you ever see the videos where someone will make just like pasta on their countertop? They were probably just shitting all over the countertop and spreading it out.
Starting point is 00:21:54 Have you ever seen the pasta on the countertop? Yeah, yeah, yeah. With the flour and the eggs? Gross. No, I think it looks awesome and I want to try it myself. What? Yeah. At like a dinner party?
Starting point is 00:22:03 Yeah. It must suck. Like that's the thing that would suck about renting out like your house for airbnb because you know whoever's staying there is just going to be fucking all over the place i don't know why someone would ever rent their house out to an airbnb it's probably not like they probably have like a different house it sounds great in theory but just just like i'm going to get a rental property and the rest of the time i'm going to be renting it out or i'm all like i'll live in it like three months of the year and then people will just fucking disrespect it for the other nine months of the year. I think it's just like a way for people who hate humanity to get angry at people.
Starting point is 00:22:34 Break it down, Gary V. How can I be making money off a rental? You make a fuck ton of money. Yeah. You can have like a tiny apartment as long as it's in a center of tourism. If it's in a bustlingling hub then you're good if you ever had have you ever got an airbnb and it's like a guest house and the owner of the real house is like staying at the real house no but that that sounds weird as fuck it sucks i feel like there's limited and they're like on your they're like on your ass
Starting point is 00:22:58 yeah just watching you yeah because it's like you're getting the airbnb to party yeah obviously yeah i think isn't that what happened in Barcelona? Like Barcelona, the city center got ruined because everybody was just renting Airbnbs and then renting them out. Me and my friends like planned a trip to go to Barcelona, like after we graduated high school and we never ended up going. But like the Airbnb was like, we were going to get like a two person Airbnb for like four people and we were just going to sleep on the floor or something.
Starting point is 00:23:24 It was like 50 bucks a night. Really? Yeah, it was super cheap. I think that has ruined the Barcelona economy. It has. It's fucked. Yeah. You should go out there though.
Starting point is 00:23:33 Yeah, I would like to. Why don't your boys study abroad? Let's go to Sevilla. I don't think any of them are studying abroad. Barcelona. Sevilla. Barcelona. Castilian.
Starting point is 00:23:42 Speaking of Castilian, aren't any of them going to study abroad? Is that dead now? I think kind of. It died with COVID. Yeah. Fuck. My sister was supposed to study abroad and hers got canceled. And one of my friends was supposed to study abroad and his got canceled.
Starting point is 00:23:57 That's fucked, dude. That's the best way to get some pretend culture. Yeah. Like pretend that you're getting life experience. And really just get shit-faced in London every day. Sounds fun. It's like a field trip, though.
Starting point is 00:24:14 It's like a completely worthless stretch of time. Is there a school? I think so, but they have one class. They go to a classroom? Do they? I don't even know did you study abroad no I didn't neither Owen
Starting point is 00:24:30 I went for like a month so you did I'm not cultured fuck that shit bro Europe where in Europe like a few different places i was supposed to go for two weeks and then i missed the flight on purpose fuck yeah and you didn't get a flight the next day yeah this actually ruined my day i'm just looking at pictures of me fat why show me it ruined your day
Starting point is 00:24:57 that you got skinnier that you know it ruined my day that i remembered i was fat i didn't even know you were really he wasn't actually fat, though. I picture you being fat, looking like a frog that could stand up. If you know what I mean. Skinny legs. Every pound was in my cheek and neck. Yeah. Yeah, like a standing frog.
Starting point is 00:25:16 But it still wasn't someone that you would see and be like, oh, they're fat. I would like to see. Share it. To you, that photograph. Show us. Pass it around. I'll find a good one. Show us that photograph of you when you used to be fat.
Starting point is 00:25:32 Did you, when you studied abroad, did you have to go to a class? No, I didn't study abroad. Oh, you just went to Europe? My girlfriend studied abroad and I visited. Oh, man. Did you take the trains, bro? The trains. I love how walkable it is in Europe.
Starting point is 00:25:48 Or you could just bike. You could just bike everywhere. Were you biking? Yeah. I took an overnight train when I was in Europe and it was quite easily one of the worst experiences of my entire life. Why? There's just dudes jerking off in their little cubicles?
Starting point is 00:26:00 So you get the room, right? So we go into this room. There's like two, there's like two couches basically, or whatever you want to call them a couch yeah the regional dialect i use it's like this tiny thing there's two couches facing each other and those basically like expand into like three boards where you sleep like those are the beds but they're like this thick and so there's like one person on the bottom one person in the middle and one person on top. And you're going like you're sitting like perpendicular to the way that the train is moving. And the train rocks a lot.
Starting point is 00:26:35 So as soon as I got going. Yeah. So as soon as I got in bed, I'm like, I'm going to start spraying vomit everywhere in like 10 seconds. Damn. Yeah. That's a modern day oregon trail covered wagon you were on the verge of death yeah and i didn't throw up but i took i took dramamine helped people do love to romanticize trains though but we were on that thing for so long it got like delayed in the middle of the night so we woke up we were supposed to wake up and like be there and we woke up and they're like yeah six more hours that's terrible there's nowhere to like go like there's no like there's no like area where you can go like just sit i was like looking for
Starting point is 00:27:12 somewhere i could just sit and sleep sitting and it was just miserable yeah where would you where where are you going from where to where from france to italy holy fuck it was a cool ride though we could see the mountains we could see see the Alps. I like to go through Switzerland. Yeah. I'm trying to get to Switzerland. It was awesome, actually. It was really cool. The nausea. Okay, but you gotta get to Europe, bro. It's gonna change how you
Starting point is 00:27:35 see the world, man. Their gluten's different over there. The bread is so good. They're not fat. Are there any fat people? No, not at all. I went to Europe when I was junior in high school. And then I went to London with my mom when I was like in seventh grade. And when we went there, we checked into the hotel and the,
Starting point is 00:27:52 uh, the, what is the, who's the concierge? The concierge was like, concierge. He's like, are you guys from America?
Starting point is 00:28:00 I could tell. And we were like, yeah. And he's like, oh, he's like, I love America. He's like,
Starting point is 00:28:04 everyone there is so fat.'s fucking true speaking oh and let me see your fat face um i don't understand you guys ever see orange is the new black uh or how to get away with murder now either of those i know aren't those like netflix shows female dominated yeah okay no Netflix shows. Female dominated roles. Yeah. Okay. Orange is gonna do black. He's like a lesbian. I met like the lead actor in it in Budapest but I didn't know who he was and I was like fucked up and he was telling me that he's like an aspiring actor and I was like oh dude
Starting point is 00:28:37 just like stick with it. You gave him advice. Heartfelt advice. That's hilarious. He asked you what he should do and then people were like oh he's advice. That's hilarious. He asked you what he should do. And then people were like, oh, he's fine. It's kind of like a pompous move to like a fake humble move to say I'm an aspiring actor. Yeah, that is. Like, dude, just say you're an actor. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:28:54 Especially if you've made it at all. Well, it's like you saying I'm an aspiring battle rapper. I don't know if anyone's ever said that. And there's... Just do it. Yeah, people oversell it though what they do like people will tell you they're an actor when they just haven't
Starting point is 00:29:10 done shit yeah people will do yeah that is definitely true did you see that Addison that tweet this morning from that girl being like complaining that Addison Rae was famous and she's not what did it say and she was like we all she's like this is such a slap in the because Addison Rae got like netflix deal like for like four movies or something and
Starting point is 00:29:29 some girl tweeted and was like oh like this is such a slap in the face to everyone who like works hard and gets degrees in acting yeah she was like and it was like what like when have you ever thought that just because you have a degree in acting that you're just gonna get signed to like four netflix movies the people in acting school suck yeah they're all bad yeah like they're like pale like red-headed girls that are like trying to like fucking she was pale and she was red-headed let me actually screenshot it earlier today really yeah the fact that we go through whole ass college degrees and work so extremely hard to be cast in movies or tv shows or on broadway 17 and she gets famous and she went to a whole ass class yeah oh she's 17 i look i click on her
Starting point is 00:30:11 profile i take back i don't know i'm not even talking about her i'm talking about the people that i saw in the acting classes that i was in in college and they all sucked oh yeah you go to like a fucking acting showcase and it's these people acting out their shitty scenes and it always fucking sucks it's like a recital it's like you're watching some seven-year-old like fuck up twinkle twinkle little stars like it's not gonna be good it's not like entertaining nobody wants to be there it's terrible she says it like it's not it's just not fucking fair at all the fact that some people work their asses off their whole lives just to have any kind of acting job and then pretty girls like her get actual acting jobs for literally posting dancing videos on tiktok that's one of the more fair things in the world
Starting point is 00:30:53 yeah that's completely merit-based it's just like what like they should go back to the old days when actresses used to have to suck Harvey Weinstein's dick to get a role. Those were the fucking good old days. That's how it should be. Should we just cut that part right now? I'm no assassin. I'm not going to go cut that shit later on. No, we won't.
Starting point is 00:31:17 Yo, cut that out. Run wasn't like when we silence him. I just found out recently that they cut a quarter of everything I say. Do they? Every fourth thing I say, they're like, this is beyond the panel. They cut one thing
Starting point is 00:31:28 that he said and it was beneficial for him. Nah. Nah, let's keep it in a book. I voted to keep it out because I was like, someone's going to take this
Starting point is 00:31:36 out of context. Well, let's run it by me and then we can cut the whole segment. I don't even remember what he said. I remember I texted,
Starting point is 00:31:43 I think I texted it to my dad. And your dad even was like, this is pretty funny. I think it was along the lines of if... No, no, don't even say it. Don't even say it. Don't even say it. Come on.
Starting point is 00:31:53 It's fucked enough. I was just waiting to see it in like the next hit piece. You were hurt that you weren't in any part of the last hit piece. When they did a timeline of everybody, you were fucking furious. I was not hurt at all.
Starting point is 00:32:04 Like, what the fuck? I was thrilled. They left me out of, they're cutting me out of history. I almost sent a burner with a portfolio of all of my problematic content. I was like, I have problematic shit too. Francis was all over the hit piece. Yeah, meanwhile, if they had just fucking dug
Starting point is 00:32:19 up my edgelord days in 12. Oh, you had some. Back in 12. I remember I was looking for something that you said one time, Roan. I bet you had some yeah back in 12 i mean i remember i was looking for something that you said one time ron and you found i bet you found some other shit i did i i looked up something i forget what it was on the buzzword the buzzword and it was like i was like wow they could take us down if they wanted to back when you were in sixth grade bro i was fucking i was exploring i was trying to find where the fucking cliff was blindly i was fucking feeling around my stomach kills dude you need to fucking
Starting point is 00:32:52 i think i'm gonna cut it out hospital after this no you need to get bled with leeches dude it literally feels like there's like a baby inside of my stomach just trying to get out you need a c-section of your fucking lower yeah well, well, people don't talk about leeches. No, the only time I've ever What was the movie when the boy was covered in... Jesus Christ. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:33:10 Yeah. That's what he looked like in the middle of saying it. What was the name of the kid who won the pie-eating competition? Augustus Gloop? Okay. No, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:33:17 I don't remember. What was the character in Degrassi Next Generation who was addicted to leeches? Shut up. I swear to God. No. Yes. No. What do you mean no fuck you mean what do you mean addicted to leeches he was getting sucked off in class
Starting point is 00:33:35 i think i've seen that what yeah what do you mean it was like you understand how i'm having trouble he was addicted to getting his cigarettes theyigarettes they sell at gas stations. How the fuck can you be addicted to leeches? Similar to the aesthetic of cutting yourself. This person was... Oh, self-harm. Yes. TW.
Starting point is 00:33:54 I feel like leeches used to be common medical practice. TW. TW. Yikes. TW? Roe. Come on. Come on, on come on Carlin might as well
Starting point is 00:34:09 BW yeah I've never seen a leech in real life but I would love to see one eventually but not on me we could set that up for you bro yeah you think oh yeah that would be awesome we could definitely get you some leeches that would make my day man
Starting point is 00:34:24 just fucking a leech on your arm Oh, yeah. That would be awesome. Oh, we could definitely get you some leeches. That would make my day, man. Just fucking a leech on your arm? Yeah. Sucking the parasites out of you? Just sucking me off. I found that there's a big part of TikTok that's just obsessed with parasites. Oh, really? They just love the idea of getting parasites out of you.
Starting point is 00:34:41 Isn't that what ivermectin is? Yeah. Why is ivermectin going around right now? Because it's like an anti-parasitic for horses or some shit like that. Didn't Joe Rogan take it? He did. He said that he listed it off as something he took. But then other people all listen to it. Everyone's taking it.
Starting point is 00:34:55 It's proven to work. Maybe I should probably take it. Maybe I have a worm. You might have a... Dude, you need to get on to... Just say it into your phone and the algorithm will sort you out. But you need to get on to just say it into your phone and the algorithm will sort you out but you need to get on worm tiktok iver what is it called iver victim iver victim yeah ivermectin ivermectin yeah get some ivermectin what does it do it just it deworms you
Starting point is 00:35:16 it deworms humans take it and people will shit out like a fucking ghoul they'll they'll shit out like a space character looking tapeworm or ringworm doesn't it just like destroy your stomach line more yeah ringworm is not they thought ringworm was like a rash yeah well there's i think because there's an actual worm inside of you it's like a circular no i had ringworm upwards oh yeah as a wrestler wrestling as a wrestler that comes people comes with your singlet yeah you're like oh ring worm you just get issued some ringworm yeah once i found out what the ear what is it called cauliflower cauliflower ear once i found out what that was caused from
Starting point is 00:35:54 i was shocked isn't it like a bacterial thing no it doesn't impact it just impact yeah okay well then i was wrong completely instantaneously and you don't get it drained and you didn't get a drain yeah i will be i got a drain repetitively really then it fills back up you have to get surgery just to get it to this point no way was the size of a a ping golf ball or any golf ball it was the size top flight maybe really yeah do you have any pictures callaway perhaps That sounds gross. And also, I didn't get to see Owen looking fat yet, so maybe I could look at that because I would love to get a good laugh in. You're hurting his feelings, dude.
Starting point is 00:36:36 I mean, yeah, kind of. It makes me feel bigger. It makes me feel like a big bad man. This is not 30. This isn't bad. Shut up, Owen. That's not fat at all. What the fuck are you talking about? You're literally just
Starting point is 00:36:49 looking down. That shit happens to me every time I open up my phone. What the fuck are you talking about? This fake victim shit. On the cusp of portly, but not even portly. I used to be fat. What is portly? It's portly.
Starting point is 00:37:05 He's shaped like a bottle of port. I used to be fat. What is portly? It's portly. Like it's a synonym. Like he's like, like shaped like a bottle of port. Oh, I get it. You think that's where it comes from? Portly. Portly. Or like you look like you're a ship that should be docked at a port.
Starting point is 00:37:15 Yeah. So KB, what are you doing? What are you going to do this weekend? Good. No, that's a good question. So I have tickets to a rave.
Starting point is 00:37:23 So it might be my biggest test yet yeah when was my only test so far yeah when's that tonight but i don't think i can do it are you gonna would you call it a relapse if you if you uh fall in the chris lake if i drink at chris lake yeah i don't think i'm at the point where I can use the word relapse. I wish. I want to be afflicted. Oh, yeah. Like Owen and his old fat days.
Starting point is 00:37:55 You want to have gone through something. Yeah, me and Owen are going to this comedy show on Sunday. Oh, yeah. Maybe he wasn't done. On Monday, he's going to MGK. I have two tickets. I don't know if I can do either. You're going to MGK? Yeah. Wait, what? He's going to MGK? Central Park.
Starting point is 00:38:16 Bro, why are you fugging with me? Where's the fugg with? Are you fuggsing with me? I've never gone to a concert in Central Park, but I don't think I want to either. It might be like a music festival.
Starting point is 00:38:28 I'm crazy. I'm off the meds. Better off dead, they say. I'm crazy. I'm off the meds. I take the trigger and pull it off the...
Starting point is 00:38:39 I fucking love MGK. I take the gun and pull the trigger out of my head and blow out my brains, I said. A favorite part about MGK is that he's laying it down to Megan Fox. And you know he's just feeding it.
Starting point is 00:38:52 He's feeding it. Yeah. Oh, he's definitely just giving her tapeworms. Yeah. He's definitely feeding her to keep her slim. That's probably what they were doing on that table. They were probably just throwing up their tapeworms and then eating the throw up. Like fucking
Starting point is 00:39:05 dogs and cats. Dogs who just have no idea. They just eat their own throw-up. My dogs eat their own shit all the time. You're a terrible dog owner. No, we try and stop them, bro. It's a sensitive subject. I haven't heard one good doggo thing
Starting point is 00:39:21 that you're a dog owner. You are. Well, no. Wait, does off the meds mean? Off the meds. I mean, would you consider alcohol your medicine? Wow. That's fucking deep, bro.
Starting point is 00:39:35 Seriously. Because then you could say, I'm crazy. I'm off the meds. I don't know how to do his voice. I could say that. Where's he from? He claims Cleveland, but he's from Shaker Heights. You from the suburbs.
Starting point is 00:39:51 Call him out. Who's the real wild boy? I know Kent Sig Kyes from Shaker Heights. Damn, bro. Sig Kyes is a sorority. No, it's not, bro. Don't act like you... You would have been in a frat.
Starting point is 00:40:04 Bro, you don't even know Greek? I have beef with... Were you in a frat at Penn State? No. I remember one of my earlier beefs. Rome wasn't in one, but he was one of the kids that just got to hang around for free. Oh, we were cool with it. That was it, guys. We just would go over to the Pink Elephant and fucking chill. It was Fai Sai or however
Starting point is 00:40:19 you pronounce it. Sci-fi. It's a genre of movies. I made a fake Little Tay concert tour. Yes. you pronounce it sci-fi it's a genre of movies i made a fake uh little tay um concert yes and it was obviously fake no i think a lot of people got a lot of people got full because there were sponsors at the bottom it was a very deep fake uh-huh and one of the stops was state college pa at the five side fraternity house and And the brothers were like, DMing me, like, take this down. People believe this. It's a bad look for us, for our brotherhood.
Starting point is 00:40:51 People are lining up. That we're hosting a 10-year-old girl. What type of fraternity is Phi Psi? I don't know. Because each one of them has, there's like a country fraternity where they'll pull a shotgun on you if you go on their front lawn.
Starting point is 00:41:01 Or there's like a cokehead fraternity. Probably the cokehead. So why would a cokehead, why would they have a problem with it probably because they have a history with uh underage girls underage girls rape yeah right yeah the school as a whole but even more deeper that specific fraternity because they really wanted me to you definitely like looked up an article of like the most problematic fraternity of penn state it was and it wasn't even the hazing one where the kid died it was worse than that and you made them look way worse they were like just got off suspension we just got kicked off campus they were trying to bargain with me like you don't have to we'll give you a delete it but can you just say that it's a parody no you tell them you worked for barstool viva
Starting point is 00:41:47 no they knew they definitely knew um it was in the barstool how long ago was this two and a half years plus years ago and i got sued by uh no we got a cease and desist from backwoods because it was sponsored i made it sponsored by crayola gerber and then like Backwoods because it was sponsored I made it sponsored by Crayola Gerber And then like Backwoods And like a Contraceptive brand IUD brand
Starting point is 00:42:10 Just some incongruous sponsor Sponsors that should never have been on the same bill One of the stops this theme park sent us a C&D To Dave I said it was at Idlewild theme park It was like a 12 page some guy's job He was a lawyer Had to go
Starting point is 00:42:25 through and put all the evidence. That's hilarious. What did Dave say to you when you got C&D? Dave had a glimmer in his eye. He was proud. Yeah, exactly. I feel like he's into that kind of shit. When was the last time you made Dave proud? Then.
Starting point is 00:42:42 That was the last time I made him feel anything. Other than contempt. No, like when you came out with the Jaws matching outfit, I feel like... That was so fucking funny. That was a masterstroke. But do you think that he was in that
Starting point is 00:42:56 or he was like, fuck this kid at that point? Like, was he into that? I was blacked out. Were you actually? Yeah. Were you really yes you hold your liquor
Starting point is 00:43:07 really well yeah I did I had no idea you looked you seemed completely sober did you come to work fucked up ever I think it's weird
Starting point is 00:43:12 when people like externalize their like drunkenness so you think everybody's weird I think if you're an adult what are you you can't be stumbling around
Starting point is 00:43:21 but like you could tell when most people have like a bunch of alcohol in them. Not me. I'm also pretty close to the chest with my alcohol. Me too.
Starting point is 00:43:30 You actually are. I am. Yeah. I've never seen you actually drunk. I've seen you drunk. I've never been drunk. That's why.
Starting point is 00:43:38 But Sass has talked about on this podcast when he passes Dave in the hallway that like Dave will just put his head down and Sass will put his head down. Then you saw it happen.
Starting point is 00:43:47 I watched it happen live. It was crazy because right as soon as you passed him, he looked up at me and was like, what's up, bro? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:43:53 We both duck our heads. It was the hardest double ignore that I've ever seen in my life. Nick, are you going to go lay pipe?
Starting point is 00:44:04 No, you're going to go lay it down already. Oh, God. Drunk Harry. You're going to lay pipe. What is the context there? You're just wasted. I was talking to Nick.
Starting point is 00:44:16 That was the most drunk voice I've ever heard. Yeah. And the most drunk syntax, too. Like that set of words. Well, also in my defense defense we were it was like just like us from it was people from work and we were at the gym and it was all dudes doesn't sound like that's in your defense that is a gem that was not that i did my stand-up routine for you guys wait oh yeah for yeah i remember yeah i did it for you and Owen. And I was trying to go get an open mic.
Starting point is 00:44:46 No, you never. I did. Yeah, I did. I don't remember. Well, I did. And then I did that joke on stage and it bombed. The poppet? Yeah, I wiped it from my set.
Starting point is 00:44:54 Oh, really? Do it now? Now. Why? Never. When's the next time you're doing a set? Supposedly in September, but I don't even know. It is September, brother. September right now? Supposedly next September, but I don't even know. It is September, brother. Supposedly next week.
Starting point is 00:45:07 But I don't even know. You're supposed to be doing it tonight, man. You're supposed to be up. We should do a live show. We are going to do a live show. KB? We've discussed. Are you in on this? Yes. Yeah? I need you to. No, we're in. We're in. I'm pumped. You're in? I can do four men. A four minute live show?
Starting point is 00:45:30 No, four people minimum. I need at least three other people with me in order to do a live show. I want to do a real live show, though. I don't want to do, like, because the Yak live show that we did was like, no one was there to see us. You know what I mean? Like, do you want to interact with the crowd or do you want everyone to be fucking silent? No, I just want to do like a regular live show.
Starting point is 00:45:49 Like this? What if we... Because you never know what's funny when we're just in a quiet-ass room. So plan some stuff? Yeah. Some slapstick? I think it'd be pretty easy to just go up
Starting point is 00:45:58 and make it all four of us. We have to plant like obnoxious drunk hecklers. Yes. That's the ticket to killing it on stage what did you just say wait what did he say comedians all right all right what do you do for work insurance yeah you guys here together yeah you're here together did you guys first date oh yeah he's gonna lay it down yeah yeah i can see it yeah i know i can see it in his eyes he's gonna fuck you wait so that Yeah, I can see it in his eyes. He's going to fuck you.
Starting point is 00:46:26 Wait, so that was the joke that you were saying at the gym. Was that the joke you were saying to Nick? Like, are you going to lay pipe? Was that the joke? No, I think I was just fucking with Nick because he was leaving. With a girl? Nope. Damn.
Starting point is 00:46:39 Nick doesn't leave with girls. Girls leave with Nick. He meets up with them after the fact. Nick leaves alone at 9pm. Five minutes before the girl who's about to also leave with him. She leaves separately and they rendezvous. Definitely.
Starting point is 00:46:55 Or we could plant a racist in the crowd or something like that. We could be like, not cool, man. And then you get thunderous or something like that. That's a great idea. Get the fuck out of cool, man. And then you get like thunderous applause or something like that. That's a great idea. That's a great idea. Get the fuck out of here, bro.
Starting point is 00:47:08 Hey, man, why don't you get the fuck out? We don't tolerate that kind of shit here. You're out of here. He's gone. Security. You can finish. You can finish. How about this?
Starting point is 00:47:21 You're out of here. Why is security tackling this guy? Why is security dragging him out? So you're gone. You're leaving of here. Why is the security tackling this guy? Why is the security dragging him out? So you're gone. You're leaving. Asshole. Asshole. That's a great idea.
Starting point is 00:47:35 1.2 million likes. Yeah. Like, that would go fucking dumb. That could change, like, the whole entire view of Barstool completely. You're gone. Yeah. I'm sorry, what was that? No, no, no no what did you say because i thought i heard you say you hated jewish people no no actually come up here and
Starting point is 00:47:53 yeah let's you might as well say it into a mic because you were so brave you're so brave here and say it i don't come to your job then bo burnham did that I think every comedian no like he planted his aunt in the crowd and had his aunt like yell something and then he like freaked out at her as a joke you think he told her there's a weird undercurrent of people that hate Bo Burnham he seems
Starting point is 00:48:17 he was like yeah that's yeah that's definitely what it is that he's smart they think it's like they think it's like thespian energy to fuck with him he's given thespian i think he's he's giving hamlet he's giving i can't really say he's is that he's serving a fellow i can't really see many reasons to hate him for any reason because you like him i guess i can't see any reasons to
Starting point is 00:48:43 hate addison ray but you rail against her for 45 minutes every day. That's not true at all. Bro, that's not true. I used to memorize his old raps. Oh, yeah. My name is Bo, yo. Spit them as if they were my own
Starting point is 00:48:56 at the lunch table. Really? The black kids would fucking hit out a fucking beatbox. No black kids. No, no. No, the Italian kids loved it. The Italians were the closest thing you had to black kids.
Starting point is 00:49:10 Oh, yeah. By far. We had like a, our senior superlative for most black was Gino Catalano. Wait, didn't Mark D'Amelio say that on like, isn't that like, didn't someone reply to one of your tweets with an old deleted Mark D'Amelio tweet? He's like, when did I become white? As far as I know, I'm just an Italian from New York who lives in Connecticut. Like, what's all this white shit about? I'll look it up.
Starting point is 00:49:35 What is this white? Yeah, I thought that was a joke, but I think it's actually a real tweet. Since when am I white? I'm Sicilian. Fuck you. Not sure when I became a white tweet. Since when am I white? I'm Sicilian. Fuck you. Not sure when I became a white guy. Dot, dot, dot. This is from
Starting point is 00:49:53 2019. I grew up an Italian boy from New York with the last name D'Amelio living in Connecticut. I have always felt inadequate. We all have a story. We all have a story that our skin color may not tell. I'm not white.
Starting point is 00:50:09 I'm olive skinned, okay? I live in Connecticut. I'm not white. Owen, aren't you from? He's a Long Island boy. No, I'm from Long Island. Long Island? Oh, you've been to Connecticut, though.
Starting point is 00:50:19 Are there a lot of whites there, or is it mostly Italians? Yeah, it's the same thing. Wow. You hit the nail on the head. That fucking uh that's some shit man i wonder why he would delete that i don't know it was a banger though i know that could have gone off should i tweet the exact same thing yeah yeah not sure when i became a white guy dot dot dot dutch you got italian i'm i'm finding'm from connecticut i love how like what was the was the connecticut thing supposed to be like a like a reason as to why he's not a white
Starting point is 00:50:50 guy yes like the most white state in the world and like affluent yeah like if you're uh if you're too rich for new york country you go to connecticut a big ass house. Not sure when I became the white guy. I mean, it's an ironclad defense for someone who's getting canceled in a big way. I'm sorry. I didn't think I was white. But if you say so. Let's do shit like that. They'll pretend that they're not white. That are people who are giving dollars all.
Starting point is 00:51:25 People who are serving Rachel? Serving Rachel. Serving Ross? Let's do an ad right here. Yeah, let's throw an ad in. Fall is just around the corner and the cooler weather is perfect for exercising outdoors.
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Starting point is 00:53:58 That is A-L-L-B-I-R-D-S dot com. You wanna piss? Why don't you go piss and we'll really push it. Introducing SimpliSafe, a friend of the podcast and what's soon to be a friend of yours. There's big news from my favorite home security company, SimpliSafe, just launched their new wireless outdoor security cameras. That's right. SimpliSafe, the system that U.S. News and World Report
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Starting point is 00:56:30 Spin that plan around. That's a third world country. Is that a Bo Burnham rap? A vagina orchard? Alright, ready? Top of the morning. Top of the morning. Top of the morning. Top of the morning, top of the morning, top of the morning. What is that?
Starting point is 00:56:47 Oh, yeah. Kendrick. A rap song. That shit is hilarious. I know. Top of the morning, top of the morning, top of the morning, top of the morning. You like Kendrick? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:59 He's dope. He's dope. I think he's so dope. I love him. He's really dope. I used to be. The first pair of Converse I ever got was because I saw Kendrick Lamar wearing them. Do you like the Bauer remix of him?
Starting point is 00:57:10 Of what? He's the Harlem Shake guy, I think. Bauer? Yeah, I'm assuming a guy. I just assumed that you would know a remix of his that's been turned into an EDM song. Fuck outta here. You don't listen to fucking hard. You don't listen to boom bap hip hop, bro. Yes, I do. You don't like boom b hard. You don't listen to boom bap hip hop, bro. Yes, I do.
Starting point is 00:57:25 You don't like boom bap. You're not into fucking boom bap. Dude, my stomach. I think my stomach hurts from you. Dude, when we were just sitting there, my stomach was just making noises and moving around. At least that means something's going on in there. Better an empty house than an unwelcome guest. I don't think it's appendicitis.
Starting point is 00:57:44 You can't say that in the negative. You obviously do think it's appendicitis. You can't say that in the negative. You obviously do think it's appendicitis. I'm trying to say it. I'm trying to trick myself into thinking it is. You're just going to pussy all your body? It would be awesome for the podcast, though, if it was. If you ruptured your appendix? If it was and I'm on here saying I don't think it's appendicitis.
Starting point is 00:58:00 Old takes exposed. Get his ass. Speaking of getting his ass, kb got my ass yesterday what i do he he uh me and owen were in a fucking room throwing balls you were in there too and you said the most athletic thing i do is not doing athletic stuff so people can tell how unathletic i am no one knows what your level of athletic because you are very good at avoiding anything that even requires a smidgen of athleticism. I would say that's a skill.
Starting point is 00:58:29 The best part about it is. You're welcome. Thank you. No, exactly. But it also is like harrowingly true because of how unathletic I am. Yeah, me too. The best part about getting out of high school is like not having to pretend you're athletic anymore. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:40 I feel like high school is a big like you have to everyone has to try and be athletic. Right. I was more middle school. Really? I think high school, too. I still played sports. There was a pressure. I played sports all the way through senior year of high school.
Starting point is 00:58:51 And I was like so unathletic. And I and today I'm like, I don't know why I did that. What types of sports are we talking about? Like least athletic ones. I feel like now like high schoolers now they don't have that same pressure. Yeah. More like they're just more like whack. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:04 That now they like artsy. You pressure yeah more like they're just more like whack yeah that now they like artsy you could be transgender and fucking uh do molly or whatever yeah they put yeah it's way better like when i was they put their like illnesses on their letterman jacket the medications that they take yeah lettered and that would actually that's like if you had a letterman jacket that just said like anxiety and depression on the back it would like sell someone's gonna do that us us us us us varsity letter like a borderline personality disorder you just had a jersey that just said anxiety or like agoraphobia athletics like an xxl that's like something that like FTP would sell.
Starting point is 00:59:46 The brand. Fuck that pussy. Fuck the population. Oh, ew. Yeah. That's the name? You just ewed the name? I actually own, I used to resell their shit.
Starting point is 00:59:57 No, I didn't buy it. I bought it to resell. Did you actually? You were a resale boy? I was in the resale game. Bro, talk about your life experiences. Let's go, bro. You've just been sitting on this? Anyone knows that. You're just resale boy? I was in the resale game. Bro, talk about your life experiences. Let's go, bro. You've just been sitting on this?
Starting point is 01:00:06 Anyone knows that. You were just selling off-white? I bought the sunglasses from them, and I resold them, and I made like $200 in like a day. No way. And then I tried to do it again, and I bought some shit, and no one bought it. The $200. Actually, no, it's not true. I bought like an expensive-ass jacket, and I made like $400 off of that.
Starting point is 01:00:23 Forgot about that when i sent it to some kid in australia i used to sleep at the mall every other friday night just for fun no buy and sell sneakers was it lucrative are you rich now i was making so much money really like eighth and ninth grade the thing is you have to have a lot of money to do it like some you have to start out with money. Some kid I knew, his dad would like buy him, like he bought him like all of the Louis Vuitton Supreme collab shit
Starting point is 01:00:52 which like cost him like $40,000 but then he made like a shit ton of money. Owen, do you not have parents? Hmm? Why were you just allowed to sleep at the mall every week? Was this in high school? Why is just allowed to sleep at the mall every week was this in high school why is anyone allowed to sleep at the mall
Starting point is 01:01:08 why does the mall not put a stop to that Paul Blart was probably on your ass I went with my buddy and his dad that's weirder his dad was in organized crime where'd you sleep
Starting point is 01:01:22 he was or he still is? Wait, what? Oh, like in the car? No. Every part of this is weirder. What do you mean you slept in a parking garage then? Because that denotes cement. Beach chairs.
Starting point is 01:01:35 What? Every part of this is weirder. You stayed in blobbed down beach chairs in a parking garage. How old were you? Eighth and ninth grade. 14 and 15. How far from you? Eighth and ninth grade. Fourteen and fifteen. How far from September 11th was it? It was usually over the summer.
Starting point is 01:01:51 So June, July, August. And then we'd pack it up in September. What the fuck? What a weird life you lived. And you'd make, how much money would you make usually that summer? You'd like buy something for like $180 and sell it for $300. it's easy money it's like the gary v way of making but that doesn't sound easy sleeping in a parking lot
Starting point is 01:02:12 overnight that's like 16 hours of work that was probably before all the drops were online what do you mean before all what was online i feel like most of the drops are online now. So you profit $150 maybe? I wouldn't sleep in a parking garage for $150. No. When I would do it, I would set an alarm. The drop would be at noon. I'd log on. I'd usually get
Starting point is 01:02:38 something and then I'd sell it. And it would be easy money. My clients were either Mexican adults or Jewish children. I know the archetype. And there's like a types you're talking about. There's like a massive fee on grailed. They take like 10 percent of the of the of the fee and or of the cost, the purchase, the purchase, I guess. I don't know what the word would be because I don't know what the whole I don't know what they take it from.
Starting point is 01:03:04 I don't know if they take it from the profit or from the whole thing but yeah and then so i decided i would go on instagram and i'd be on the instagram comments from the drop and be like copped cop the jacket large dm for dm to buy and i would get like 100 dms it worked i would be in like i would be on like adam 22 is like a live instagram and I'd be like commenting being like I got the FTP. DM me for the FTP drop. How old are you? Like 13? 13 probably. So fucking weird. Dude I would make a lot
Starting point is 01:03:34 of money. Like I did it like three times and I made like a thousand dollars over the three times. What did you need money at 13? What is the motivation? I didn't need money for anything it was just like i was like damn this is awesome i'm making a shit ton of money but at that age like you need like immediate reward from the money
Starting point is 01:03:52 i don't feel like you do it wasn't like fulfilling to save was it no i never spent my money a lot like my like one of my friends would spend his money like in ridiculous ways like he'd buy like samurai swords and shit that's not a ridiculous way it is i would never spend his money like in ridiculous ways like he'd buy like samurai swords and shit that's not a ridiculous way it is i would never spend my money though what do you mean so how are you out of money i don't understand you you spent money on the things you want to spend money on about saving my money now yeah yeah aside for like uber eats that tree splurge you got to fuel the fucking tank though yeah that's the only way Why'd you guys get out of the game? Never ever re-eating again.
Starting point is 01:04:27 Fucking stomach is in shambles right now. Same, bro. Dig. Same. Wow. You're going to just call them out. Go to dig and give them a one-star review. Jesus Christ.
Starting point is 01:04:36 It's probably just some, like, asshole who works at one dig location who's just, like, not wiping their ass. Spitting in their food. Fucking sprinkling some salmonella on it. Sprinkling some salmonella. Yeah, definitely. salmonella on it. Just bringing some salmonella. Yeah, definitely. Salmonella. Salmonella.
Starting point is 01:04:50 I'll say it however you want to say it. I'm down either way. My stomach hurts. I'm in pain. Put the mic to it. Let's hear the gerbil. Let's hear it. Prove it.
Starting point is 01:05:00 We'll add in some sound effects. Oh, you're pregnant. That was good You're on some Lil Nas X shit bro You got a fucking bun in the oven The least athletic thing I ever did I can't believe Lil Nas X is pregnant That he actually is
Starting point is 01:05:14 One of the interns the other day was like So what's the deal with the Lil Nas X pregnancy I'm currently gonna say that Because what Yeah Lil Nas X is pregnant What He's pregnant He had a womb placed inside of his body I'm currently going to say that because what? Yeah, Lil Nas X is pregnant. What? He's pregnant.
Starting point is 01:05:29 He had a womb placed inside of his body. Is he really? And he's manifesting life in there. What is it? It's just like a little prop. A prop? Bro, it's Lil Nas X is consistently changing the game and breaking the industry. He's a fucking genius.
Starting point is 01:05:44 He's a marketing genius. He was in our trope of Twitter users. Yeah, he was. You guys were in a group chat with him? I followed him. He was a tweet-decker. He ran a Nicki Minaj fan page. But then he turned into a tweet-decker. But I followed each other.
Starting point is 01:06:02 I've been mutuals with him since he had like 50 000 followers what is a um less tweet decker someone who they steal tweets or they don't even have to steal tweets but anything basically anything they tweet it's like they're in like a group chat and they like pay to be in it and it's like every single tweet they tweet gets retweeted by like a hundred accounts with all like a hundred thousand followers i was so mentally ill that like that actually like no that that was that actually in like yeah had a toll no that on my day-to-day life that was like a big part of my life i let i felt like i was getting i was getting cheated because i had to because you were pure you were like uh the dude the one dude at the tour de france who wasn't taking steroids and Lance Armstrong's flying past you.
Starting point is 01:06:45 Dude, I remember being at like hangout with my friends or like talking to my family, like trying to explain to them what it was. How unjust it was. That was one of my first like Barstool blogs was like an in-depth breakdown of tweet deckers. Yeah. But at the time, it wasn't even just like us that were mad about it. Everyone on Twitter was mad about it. Well, just Twitter losers. Yeah, but it was like people with not even a lot of followers would be pissed about it
Starting point is 01:07:09 because all the tweets that you're seeing on your timeline would be like recycled tweets that suck. Or people knew they were going to be good. So they'll be like, looking up at the stars with your soulmate hits different. And it'd be like some dude who then would also be claiming to be a comedian on Twitter. Yeah, I guess it is. Yeah. It's like you're like the worst type of loser that there is.
Starting point is 01:07:28 It's just gaming the system, bro. That's all he's doing. And remember, remember Black and Mild? Wait, he was like the king. Oh, yeah. I know. Yeah. I can see him now.
Starting point is 01:07:40 He they like they were like an H&M. They were like writing like like news companies, like news outlets were like writing stories about these people because they were like, how black and mild at 17 years old is making $300,000 a year on Twitter? And then they all got their account. Remember Dory? They all
Starting point is 01:07:58 got their accounts wiped. It was like the best day of my life. You were a kid. I was 25. And I was like the best day it was my bad best day of my life dory had like you were a kid i was 25 and i was like i was in my single apartment in uh youngstown just popping bottles i popped a bottle of capriccio sangria dory was like uh he had like white white like relatable who was that one dude remember that one dude who who was pretending to be a black woman online? Everyone. Queen Black Thought or something. Yeah, yeah. A lot of people probably. And my friend Alex
Starting point is 01:08:30 from Twitter, he was in his fraternity. I was a sprat guy. They found out who he was and he was like, dude, that guy was in my fraternity in college. Is he trans? No, he's not. He's just a white dude. And did they have any idea that it was him the entire time? He was giving advice
Starting point is 01:08:46 on what makeup to use. All this shit. And he was just a straight white dude. The way you guys talk about the text message groups of the people who were elite tweeters that you would all be in a group together. I haven't been in one of those in like four years.
Starting point is 01:09:00 But it makes it sound like the Illuminati tapping you on the shoulder. Or like a secret society. Maybe Nick are still in those. No, we're not. I'd love to see the dance. You probably are too. I haven't been in one in years.
Starting point is 01:09:14 What's wrong with them? What's wrong with being in them? The last one I was in was when KB got hired at Barstool and then I left all of them. I know Nick is still in some. And KB, you're probably still in some too that's okay nah i'd love to be in one someday add me to one of the chats ain't add me in when i first got hired here someone uh who i will not name their name at the moment they were like oh dude like
Starting point is 01:09:38 i fucking want to be in one of those group chats so bad rudy no i can't tell you no um you would not someone that you would expect it to be josh dm yeah he was like you don't call me shit oh right and i was like yeah he's like you guys all like in group chats together and i was oh it was him yeah i was like oh you're kidding yeah and i was like yeah and he was like oh dude i want to be he kidding. Now it was. It was actually him. And I was like, yeah. And he was like, oh, dude, I want to be. He's like, I'd love to be in one of those group chats. I was like, yeah, I don't know. I was like, I don't think you do.
Starting point is 01:10:12 There's not much that happens. It's definitely awesome, dude. You guys definitely have people that you talk shit on. Like, look at this fucking person. They probably talk shit on us now. Yeah. Sell-outs. Barstool sell-outs.
Starting point is 01:10:29 Oh, my God. on us now yeah sell sellouts barstool sellouts oh my god yes but also i don't like have a problem with anyone on like i don't i used to like hate everyone on twitter and now i just don't care yeah you hate everyone on tiktok now yeah it's you've you've like well my whole enemy of my enemy my whole thing on twitter is like i'd like shit on people that was like what everyone would do though like oh you're just gonna make fun of people and now you don't make fun of people anymore not twitter people now yes exactly
Starting point is 01:10:49 I thank them for all my success thanks for laying the groundwork we're standing on the shoulders of the giants that came before us
Starting point is 01:10:55 yeah I popped my shoulder out three times in one game of dodgeball just three times like a recreational game like a rec league game
Starting point is 01:11:04 yeah I threw I threw the ball and I popped out my shoulder and then I threw the ball again and the same shoulder popped out. Shit, fuck the peace signs. Yeah, that's what I've been saying, bro. Fuck the peace signs. Fuck the peace signs, bro. I'm walking around putting flowers and guns. Fooled three times. Fuck the population.
Starting point is 01:11:21 Fuck the peace signs. Yes, FTP, man. Now we can get the fuck out of here. Yeah. Now we can get the fuck out of here. Now we can get the fuck out of here. We have to, actually. Thank you for coming on, KB. KB, anything you want to plug? Any merch that you want to plug?
Starting point is 01:11:35 KB does the commercials and ANS. You have a podcast? Yeah, plug ANS. Listen to ANS. It's a funny podcast. Listen to A New Untold Story. Watch the commercials rediscovering america
Starting point is 01:11:48 rediscovering america anything coming up this fall rediscovering america finale next wednesday donnie worked really hard on it
Starting point is 01:11:55 tomorrow so tomorrow i was in it and uh that's perfect this will be the this will be the right after this
Starting point is 01:12:01 comes out all right yeah so listen to this and then wait definitely watch yeah watch watch that it's a good one it's a new coming up that you're working on is that your favorite one would you say that this will be right after this comes out. All right. Yeah. So listen to this and then wait for... Definitely watch. Yeah, watch. Watch that.
Starting point is 01:12:05 It's a good one. And anything new coming up that you're working on? Is that your favorite one, would you say? I think it is. Yes. And what about my question that I asked? Anything new? Yeah, that you're working on?
Starting point is 01:12:15 Sobriety. Is that work? Yes. Come on. All right. Thank you for listening. Thanks for putting in the work, KB. Make sure you like, subscribe and leave a
Starting point is 01:12:26 five-star review. And download it. Download it and play it on all your screens. Is there a preferred platform that you want people to consume the podcast? Apple and YouTube. Listen on Apple and watch on YouTube? Yeah, that's the goal.
Starting point is 01:12:42 They're trying to migrate our Spotify. Do we do on Spotify? Apple, that's the goal. They're trying to migrate our Spotify. Do we do it on Spotify? Apple, YouTube, Spotify, in that order. In that order. Oh, yeah. In that order. So you have to listen to it three times. Anything else, Sass?
Starting point is 01:12:53 But YouTube's good because they can open it up on like 15 different tabs. And I had some dope like body language and facial expressions in this episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You did. The fans will be able to fully take in. They'll love that. All right. Peace.

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