Son of a Boy Dad - Son of a Boy Dad: Ep. 27 - Naughty After Dark

Episode Date: November 9, 2021

-- Sas & Rone hunker down for a 24-hour pod to discuss amoxaphobia, Moneyball, Bezos vs. Bro, Alex Cooper on Tucker Carlson, child soldiers, weaponizing magnifying glasses, Travis Scott, plans for a roll-off & much more -- BONUS episode out later this week -- Full episode also available on YouTube -- New merch coming -- Thanks for listeningYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, Son of a Boy Dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. What's up, everybody? Welcome back to Son of a Boy Dad podcast. What is up, everybody? What is up, everybody? Welcome back to Son of a Boy Dad podcast.

Today is Monday, November 8th. What time is it, though? It is almost midnight. Boy, that after dark. We're getting a late night episode in. Our cocks are out under the table. Rome was out on vacay, and luckily we pulled together all for you guys. All for the listeners.

That's who we do it for. Wasn't even going to come in, but I got right off the airport from LaGuardia. I said straight to the fucking studio, I got to get some shit off my chest, bro. But before we get into that, it's like therapy for me in this bitch, bro. Before we get into that, we're going to go ahead and thank our presenting sponsor of today's episode. Presenting sponsor? Dat Chat. Wow. Why don't you tell them, why don't you tell the listeners a little bit about DatChat? DatChat is by far the most awesome new social networking and messaging app that a bunch of us over here at Barstool are using right now. In fact, I got it. I'll DatChat Zazz sometimes, and I'll just tell them some goofy shit.

Oh, yeah. Some untrue shit. We'll just be riffing on DatChat. I'll be like, this is the fish I had for dinner. Or like, did you see Big Cat's just be riffing on that. I'll be like, this is the fish I had for dinner. Or like, did you see Big Cat's fat ass? Shit like that. That's the kind of stuff on that chat. But the best thing is,

that shit disappears. That shit can fucking disappear like a fucking ghost. And now you can message and you can share with people you know in the way that you normally do. You can send a bunch of drunk texts that you're regretting you can self-destruct all of them and you can pretend like it never happened

no anxiety i used to just send regular text messages and i'd be like why why did i do that no yeah you're like someone can find these and i want anyone to find them exactly and this shit is super duper deep encrypted do you want to talk about something private with your girlfriend slash guy friends, bachelorette or bachelor party plans? Again, no screenshots allowed. What? You can't screenshot on DatChat. Oh, shit.

So why don't you do us a favor and go download DatChat for iPhone and Android in app stores right now. Go to datchat.com slash barstool to get more info and download DatChatchat on my life this shit is crack dude i don't fucking message anybody unless it's some datchat shit especially when i'm doing something naughty if i'm up to something naughty i'm using datchat it's the perfect it's the perfect app for bad boys like planning out a bachelor party or smuggling humans in from the border.

All kinds of shit. And because, I mean, they deserve to be here, too. They do. They do. They 100%. All in good. All in good. Our current president was smuggled over the border.

He was. Joe Biden was born in Nicaragua. Yes. And then they smuggled him. Someone to Obama was born in Kenya. They smuggled both of them via DatChat. Yeah. And it's the only,

it's my favorite human. DatChat used to be exclusively only open to the U.S. government and terrorists in the Middle East. And now, through a very special offer, it's available to you. To Barstool fans

and Son of a Boy Dad fans at datchat.com slash barstool. Shit is incredible. Your voice sounds like it's back. Yeah, it's back. I think tomorrow it'll be fully back. Yeah, it's a little raspy. But if anything, it adds, I was saying earlier, it adds a little sex appeal.

Yeah, it is. Like I'm sounding real. Like I'm like I'm. MILF. I could be in Taken right now. Yeah. I will find you. I will kill you.

Like Liam Neeson. Yeah. You're feeling like Neeson. I am. Dude, you kind of look like i know and i'm not even fucking have you have you gotten that before a lot yeah really no he that guy loves to piss himself oh yeah he's always pissing on himself there's like pictures all over the internet of him just pissing himself it's not surprising he can't stop he puts

his hog away too fast i think i don't think I've ever pissed my pants before. I did on Molly. I was driving a car home. While you were on Molly? It was like the end of it. I was on no other drugs. And I was just like, looking to park. Yeah, I guess it sounds really bad when I say it.

But I was looking for a parking spot and I pissed myself. This is a safe space. Get that shit off your chest. Someone dat chat this fucking conversation and delete this off the face of the earth because i was driving i would have said that over that chat if i were you but it's okay you never pissed it even like uh one time i was really drunk in high school and i uh it was at a weird time in my life where i was having intense panic attacks like every day yeah and so I got really drunk at a party,

but I think I was more like also trying to like black block out my demons, my inner demons. So I got like really drunk really fast. Damn. And then I got home and I don't remember anything from going. I remember going home and going to bed. Like I didn't like black out. And then I woke up in the morning and I,

this is back when I was like, I was like a junior in high school. So I didn't have like a lot of followers on Twitter or anything. And I was like tweeting, just like getting some tweets off in the morning and i this is back when i was like i was like a junior in high school so i didn't have like a lot of followers on twitter or anything and i was like tweeting just like getting some tweets off in the morning and all of a sudden hear from downstairs he's awake i was like oh shit and then what your parents were checking your twitter my sister like told them that i was awake and then they were like i hear them coming upstairs and they're like do you think he even remembers and apparently i uh yeah like i apparently in the middle of the night I just woke up and I was just peeing all over the walls what my mom was like what are you doing and I was like going

to the bathroom no way yeah did they think it was something related to you drinking or they thought that it was uh they they thought that like oh no you were just in a psychosis my piss smelled like liquor yeah and uh and my mom said she was like in her room and all of a sudden it just sounded it was like 3 a.m and it sounded like a pipe burst in the hallway you had a heavy i don't remember it at all there's no hose oh yeah thick ass thick scream that's so badass and then happened again same night what do you mean two times like i've been on my back out again for round two wait what what do you mean the same night it happened again like so my parents like brought me to the bathroom got brought me back to bed,

and then an hour later I was peeing again in the hallway. No way. I feel like that's a thing that only happens once because you're dissociated and you don't know where the toilet is. I don't know. I genuinely thought they were lying to me for a while about it. Dude, maybe there was a ghost of a toilet in your hallway and you could only see it while you were asleep.

Because I do like nothing like that has ever happened to me. Maybe that house was built on a toilet, like an old Indian toilet or some shit like that, like a haunted Native American toilet or some shit. Could have been. It must have been some shit like that. It must have been something like that. Did your parents, did they make you go get a switch from out, or did they spare the rod and spoil the child? Did they beat your ass, or what? No, they weren't mad.

I think they were more just upset. I don't really think they really cared that much, though. That's what they told you? I got in trouble. I got grounded for a week. Until the next weekend? Yeah. I think it was in the summer.

So a week is a long time in the summer when you're in high school. Oh, yeah. And then I just remember going to get food with my parents. It was a long car ride and they were just like, really got to think about where your life is going right now. Did you tell them that you

had demons? No. Mommy, I have demons. I would never open up to them like that. Yeah. They're not your fucking therapist. Some gay shit. Talking to your parents about your fucking feelings. Yeah. Damn.

Why do you think you had the demons at the time? You beat those things? Yeah, I did. I had a phobia of cars for a while. Yeah. Driving in cars or being in a car so i would got really drunk before i fuck bro what happened you would get drunk before you drove cars you have to it's the only way you could do it uh a girl i was friends with in high school her mom was driving me and my friends home

and i got like black i was like i'm gonna have a panic attack in the car so i got super fucked up before the drive i also lived like five seconds away i could have walked i was gonna walk home i'd never heard someone be afraid of cars i had panic attack in a car twice while i was driving and then i was like scared i couldn't even like get in a car without having a panic attack is it the fact you're confined the fact you were in a confined space or something like that and also i think it was just like a like it just it was like it happened twice in the car and then i was convinced i was only gonna panic attacks in a car fuck yeah so it was like a phobia for a while which is part of the reason why I also hate flying too. Because it's like a car with a...

But now I'm fine. I mean, bro, I go in cars all the time now. Bro, I've seen you in cars. You were fucking cool as a cucumber. Yeah, it was crazy. I had to like go to therapy for it. No way. I almost had to go to like exposure therapy.

I was about to say, yeah. Was it exposure? No. Did you have to like... What is exposure therapy? Like when you're like afraid of cats and they'll like dump a bunch of kittens on you or like you're afraid of like termites and they'll dump bugs on you? I'm trying to think.

Oh, that was when I got like super into like working out too. So I started like, I meditated like every single day for like a year straight, like multiple times a day. Really? Yeah. And then I was running like 10 miles a day. That's all in in your uh are those new shoes no oh i was about to say i'm about to pull up on some new shoes just running

10 miles a day in the in the uh in the chucks no i was gonna run a half marathon freshman year of college and i bought like nice ass running shoes and i was training for it and then we got sent home yeah you run hard i've seen i've seen you run a little bit i feel like it's hard on your on your uh have you seen me run i've seen you jog like if we're having a catch with the football i've seen you run you run i feel like it's hard on your knees the way you run no i'm very good at running i'm not saying you're bad at it i'm just saying very good long i'm very good at long distance runner because you have the bone structure for it i can go forever you're lanky yeah that was what i was doing in the beginning of quarantine i I would just run every day. Yeah. It was awful.

Was it scary? No. Cause it's also like when you're running, when you stop running one day, it's like, okay, I'm never going to like, I'm like, well, this is way better than what I do every other day. So I'm never running again. Would you listen to music or be with your thoughts or some shit? I would go like psycho when I, i would run screaming i'm dead serious screaming

oh yeah because this is when i was big into one of the screams this is when i was big into goggins too around mile three i'd start just letting out and i remember being at a stoplight right near my dorm room and i was like wrapping up my my 5k and this dude came up to me and like patted me on the back and he's like you got this bro he probably thought i was finishing up like a marathon i ran like three miles and you're just like drenched in sweat screaming and i loved like the intensity i was like i would only run when it was like freezing outside and i wear like shorts and a t-shirt and like hat and mittens dude you might be a psychopath. I went

I was going and then I would like go straight to the gym. I would go straight to the gym after running and it would like I'll be getting to the gym and it would only be like 7 a.m. Really? You were the first one in there. What did you think your life was about to be like? Were you about to

try and be a Marine or some shit like that? I have no idea dude. Did you think that you're about to be like a hardcore, like CrossFit person? It was awesome. I felt fucking amazing. Did you really? Oh yeah. So that's how you beat the demons?

Like the whole working out in the morning thing is fun until it's like 10 AM and you're like, you can't even keep your eyes open. Because you just have dumped out the clip. You just have emptied it all out. I would be like burning like 2000 calories before 8 AM. I have to work out in the morning though. I like working out in the if you work out at night like you are you're always working out at like six o'clock it's like i feel like that's just

gonna make you awake for the next uh like that'll make you awake later into your day no i i would work out in the morning but we don't have a gym close enough to our apartment so if i wanted to work out you gotta get by the office go all the way down to the office then go back home and then go all the way back which is no gyms which isn't like uh it's not like much that's not that's not like a huge commitment but that's what i would have to do yeah the uh it's it's tough uh or just doing anything later in the day i feel like it's bad i mean obviously they say looking at your phone later in the day is terrible for you but i don't know a single soul who doesn't look at their phone right before they go to bed dude i i uh i'm like i finally had the

realization like i thought i was having i thought i was like getting like insomnia and stuff and i would like only could sleep with melatonin and then i realized i'm like if i just put my phone down for like 10 minutes i fall asleep but that shit sounds sweet but dude but nobody does it no i'm so addicted to my phone i know i'll be like i'll be like trying to sleep for like two minutes and then i'll roll over and just like open it up and go on like instagram reels and just be swiping on that and just see the dumbest shit on instagram so bad mine's all fucking half alligator like fake alligator videos it's tons of fucking like i haven't seen any of that my shit is all fake alligators. It's just like people like...

It's two videos swapped together and there's like a pit of alligators that are like snapping at someone who's going across like a rope bridge, but like... Oh my God. Wait, no, I know exactly... And yeah.

And it's fake. It's so poorly edited. Yes. I know exactly what you're talking about. And it comes up like every time. It's like one background of like this background of like alligators in the water and they'll just like put it over.

It would be like us sitting here. And they'd be like alligators right here swimming around. And it's so poorly edited. And they all have like 10 million likes. And people are like terrified. It's so weird. It doesn't make any sense to me that that's why. Like, I guess people just want to see someone get almost eaten by an alligator.

I don't know what the hell is going on with like Instagram like instagram reels is bad yeah it's garbage it's really bad but is that like your way of being like i'm not on tiktok yeah i mean i don't go i deleted tiktok again i haven't been on it in like a week but um peace mode i don't know i was watching uh on the plane ride back i was watching the woman in front of me swiping uh swiping on tiktok just like watching over her shoulder yeah super creepy thing of me to do but no i do all the time i'm always looking at what people are doing on their on their phones yeah i like when i sit in the aisle and i can look at a bunch of people and look at like what they're watching yeah tvs do you have tv no tv dude there's no there's no tvs on planes anymore they took the tvs off the fucking plane what the hell is that i don't know and dude even when we go on like long flights i'm

like okay well at least there'll be tvs and then when there's like oh my god it pisses me off so much and they're like just watch it on your phone screen yeah i don't want to watch it on my phone no fucking way like watching a movie on the plane is like one of the best places to watch a movie yes because it's the only time that you're not distracted at all other than yeah you're just locked in with it fucking right in your fucking face dude so i mean the last one breakfast at tiffany's was incredible watching yeah you gotta watch breakfast i know i did i watched moneyball last night for the first time it's incredible right it was a good ass movie well you about to fucking if i got an offer to be a general manager at a at a baseball team right now, I would take it.

Bro, you look like Brad Pitt, kind of. I know. Do you get that a lot? Mm-hmm. Dude, he was a fucking genius in that. Did it make you a baseball fan? I mean... It somehow actually still didn't even make baseball look appealing.

It's like the best movie ever. No, it didn't look appealing for me, but the fact that they lost, that they didn't win the World Series sucked. I mean, obviously, I know it's like a true story, so I can't really do anything about that. Yeah, but it's like if you're trying to make him seem like the biggest genius of all time yeah i mean any movie any sports movie after watching it you'll be like all right i'm getting like i'm i'm gonna start playing baseball like i used to watch like

me you know miracle yes like hockey movie yeah that movie i would watch and i'd go like i used to go skate and i'd go out thinking i'm like i play hockey. And I'd go out thinking, I'm like, I'm going to go to the Olympics. Again. Or like, what do they say when they're like making a, again. Yeah. Like all sports, like most sports movies are like good as fuck. You're about to go fuck around and trade Giambi? Yeah.

Yeah. Get rid of Giambi. You think Giambi deserved to get traded? Yeah, fuck that guy. Well, he was a fucking piece of shit. Dancing in the clubhouse, fucking flossing with the fucking towel between his legs whatever shenanigans he was why did uh chris pratt look like he was fucking 16 in that movie oh yeah like i forgot that pratt was in that movie he's 31 in it but he looks so

young he uh he was like the the original dad bod god chris pratt yeah he like ushered in the era of dad but he doesn't have a dad dude he's literally like a child in that movie. It's weird. He got in trouble this past week for being like, thank you to my new wife for giving me this healthy baby. And everyone's like, fuck you. People hate Chris Pratt.

Why do they? I don't know. Apparently he goes to church. Oh, fuck him. What? I didn't know he's a scumbag. Yeah, he goes to church where apparently they don't like gay people. But it's like, oh, spoiler alert, that's every single church.

That's all religions. I got bad news for you folks. There's no gay love in church. I don't know why they hate him. I'm sure we'll probably get people DMing us being like, well, you know, Brad Pitt or Chris Pratt's actually a piece of shit. But I don't know why they hate him i'm sure we'll probably get people dming us being like well you know brad pitt or chris pratt chris pratt's actually a piece of shit but like i don't know and i actually like i every time he's in a movie i'm like he's kind of funny and also yeah he is funny it's funny as fucking parks and rec and he's done yeah he's had an incredible career arc of

being like the like kind of like chubby like lovable guy yeah to being like an actual in superhero movies like shouldn't he's a Trump supporter or something. That's fucking wild. The libs don't need Chris Pratt. We'll take them. We'll trade. We'll make a trade. Trade some with the libs. You guys keep Dunham

and we'll get fucking Pratt. I also saw him getting fried for the Instagram post. And then I saw a screenshot of it, and it was like 2.5 million likes on it. People fucking loved it. I read it, and I was like, oh, it's a little weird, kind of. But no normal person would read that and be like, oh, this guy's a sick piece of shit. He's subbing his son.

You're dissecting the words in that post and like looking like they were like, oh, so he thinks his wife is just is just giving him a baby. That's all she's good for. It's like clearly the whole like the whole thing had like a very like joke tone to it. And like positive. Yeah. Like he's

like celebrating a big moment. He like made a joke about like her chewing loud. His wife? Yeah, and people were like, oh my God, if Chris Pratt told me I chewed loud, I would fucking kill him. I would fucking rip his head off.

I saw that. I mean, did you see that story about Robert Pattinson saying that he had like a stalker? Yeah, I saw that everyone, like I saw him trending today though. He had a stalker and like she was outside of his house every day and then he had like a stalker and i saw that uh everyone like i saw him trending today though he had a stalker and like she was outside of his house every day and then he was like fuck it like i'm depressed i'm just gonna take this bitch on a date and uh he took her on a date and he just like sucked so bad on the date that she stopped she stopped stalking him altogether she was just

terrible on the date and uh i mean it's kind of genius. Like just chewing loud and fucking just making people hate you. I mean, people, it's... Is he playing Batman? I think he might be. Yeah, I saw something about him playing Batman and like he's like refusing to gain weight for it. So we're going to have a skinny ass. Skinny Batman.

A baggy Batman suit like when a four-year-old... I think he's going to suck. Beating the shit out of like massive henchmen and he's just like skinny like i don't think there's gonna ever be a batman that's gonna that's gonna um be better than affleck i agree bro oh bro christian bale what bro yeah affleck was a goat batman no christian bale is the best Batman that there ever will be. No, that's a fact as well. Christian Bale is just legendary status.

We have to tip the cap to Bale. I will admit, is there a trailer out for the Batman movie yet? Yeah. I think I saw it. I think it actually looked really good. Because he'll be dark. At least Pattinson will be dark. He's going to be more of a jokery Batman.

What does that mean? Like he's sick and twisted. Oh, really? Yeah. It's on to be more of a jokery Batman. What does that mean? He's sick and twisted. Oh, really? It's on some shit like that? Also a vampire. Vampire Batman? Yeah. I mean, it makes sense.

It does make a lot of sense. The fucking bats? Vampire bats? I didn't think about that. It makes perfect sense. Yo. I didn't think about that either, bro. You should have seen the episode right here.

This shit is fucking crazy. Sorry to the rest of our sponsors, yeah we just came to a big realization that fucking pattinson is always on some bat shit he's a batty boy let's hop into bare bottom we got a lot of ads on this episode today because it's like say it hasn't been a perfect week over at the stool and they need son of a boy dad to pick up the slack they said erica called us in and said boys we're gonna need you to take this shit to the fucking moon yourselves we need you to take over the rocket ship and drive it yourself boys bare bottom look let's just hop right into bare bottom okay we love them i wear bare bottom every

single day of my entire life and I always will for the rest of my life. Their shorts are perfect. They're the perfect length. Their shirts. I wear their shirts. So the gym mostly because they make me look fucking jacked. You don't have to go to the gym when you have some bare bottom shit because it will make

you look jacked in and of yourself. This is a personal endorsement. Yes. But they're saying I like to wear them in the gym because they make me look fucking jacked and I'm sure they make you look jacked out of the gym too but yeah i'm almost always in the gym it's my only chance of looking jacked wearing bare bottom oh no it's very noodles like me yeah guys that are just it is when i don't wear my bare bottoms and i'm like oh damn that's why you need to be wearing them every day of the goddamn week and And that's on fucking King. That's on God.

That's on some gang shit. Chicago gang shit. That's on Fordham Raid. Bro, it's comfy season right now. Comfy season's here, so you can stock your closet with comfort without paying the insane markups you see at other online and big box brands. You can feel good wearing your bare bottoms because each item you purchase, a nutritious school meal is donated to a child in need. So take that Michelle Obama, fucking step your game up because bare bottom is fucking taking care of business every single day. Everything is built for value. You're getting the softest, stretchiest clothes in the game for a

great deal while doing some good in the process. And right now, you can get $5 off your first order by going to barebottomclothing.com slash sun. That's B-E-A-R, like the animal, bottomclothing.com slash sun. I cannot stress enough how good that shit feels on your body. It does. It feels really good. It feels fantastic, bro. How was your weekend? It was was in charleston south carolina and bro i'm straight as fuck that town is cute bro it's so cute and i'm straight i'm a heterosexual uh my wife has some friends down there your

girlfriend yeah my long-term girlfriend did you uh were any of the mics there uh dude no mics made some friends down there. Your girlfriend? Yeah. My long term girlfriend. Were any of the mics there? Dude, no mics made the trip. Damn. Unfortunately. Sounds like a bust. Yeah, dude. It's tough to not have any mics down there. You always need a couple mics around. I would just keep a couple around all the time. Just keep a couple mics in your back pocket. We might have to do a mic power ranking from

you at some point. We should do a mic episode and just have all the mics on. Do you want to? Yeah, that would. We should do a mic episode and just have all the mics on. Do you want to? Yeah, that would be awesome. We could travel somewhere and get all the mics on and just differentiate the mics. Do any of them live in Europe? One of them used to live in Argentina. We could have gone down to Argentina.

That's not going to work. What's wrong with Argentina? Why is that not going to work? Fuck Argentina, bro. What, bro? Well, let me put you on some game about argentina we should say the fattest steaks out there say that we need to go to europe to see them all you just want to go but why don't you want to go to argentina that would be cool too i want to go

to uh i don't know where i want i want to go to italy i love that a nice uh like the vatican or some shit like that nah nah what bro i want? I want to go to Florence and Rome. Firenze. Yeah. Why do you want to go to Florence? I've been. I loved it. I think we should move the podcast out there. Dude, I 100% would. No taxes out there. Is that true? I have no idea.

I'll evade some fucking taxes. Just like Jake Paul did going to Cuba or whatever. He went to Puerto Rico. And it was Logan, his brother. Okay, fuck, man okay fuck man god get your facts straight a fucking idiot right now but uh did he actually do that like i don't think so i feel like he said that everyone i think he might have like moved there for a week and like made that his like primary residence or something and then he was just like nah i feel like that he's gonna get fucked from that somehow it's yeah because he just told everyone he was evading taxes.

You can't just tell people that. You got to do that shit. But I want to go to Italy too, bro. I'm going to go to Italy this coming summer for my dad's birthday. We're going to go on a trip. You want to just come on that? Yeah. Yeah.

Fuck yeah. We're like family at this point. Oh, yeah, bro. You met him, bro. You've met him. You're fucking road dogs with him. I literally slept in his house. You peed all over his hallway.

What if that was like your calling card? You're like a fucking animal that needs to mark his territory by just pissing in the hallway every time. Like a dog. My dad, I've respected the hell out of it. But yeah, dude, let's go to Sicily or some shit, bro. Let's go to the Almofi Coast. Yeah.

What's Venice, bro? Venice. Let's ride a fucking gondola, bro. Let's sing a fucking song on a river and some romantic shit, bro. I'm down. Let's have some prosciutto. It would be great for the pod. It would.

Yeah. If we just took up an Italian- An Italian adventure. Yeah, dude. Went over the Italians, too. Do some live shows in fucking Italy. Talk with our hands a little bit. Completely silent podcast. We just talk with our hands a little bit. Completely silent podcast.

We just talk with our hands in front of the Italians. You see that Leonardo DiCaprio video where he's talking with his hands? Well, on Bezos? Yeah. He's like... Yeah, I feel like he... What was that? An extended cut?

I don't know. But I feel like he did not even want to be in that conversation. Oh, not at all. It's probably like... I feel for bro because he gets so much pussy thrown at him. I don't think that the girl was really like, I don't think it was anything crazy. Everyone's like, bro, Bezos, this just proves that being rich does not even get you bitches. You don't think that? This is proof.

It's like, well, first of all, when you have the level of money that Leonardo DiCaprio has and Jeff, like when you're that rich, doesn't really matter how much more rich you are. Right. Like he's already rich as fuck. DiCaprio is getting all this shit anyway. If they're married, if he married Jeff Bezos' girlfriend, her life is going to be no different than it would be if she was married to Jeff Bezos. That's facts. But I do think that she was thrown it at DiCaprio. You do?

The body language. Bro, I'm just trying to have my boys back. You're trying to have your boy Bezos back. Yeah. But I'm trying to have my boy Decaps back, bro. She was pointing her nipples at him like this, bro. She was trying to fucking poke his eye out with her nipple. Dude, no one needs to have DiCaprio's back.

He's the GOAT. Bro, but people don't know the struggle that bro goes through because people are always like I'd love to be bro. Like, I'd love to be in because people are always like, I'd love to be bro. Like, I'd love to be in bro's shoes. Like, I'd love to live life as bro. But they don't know that, like, when you have Jeff Bezos throwing his fucking, his wife's pussy at you, like, Bezos probably has shooters in the building. Like, that's a headache that bro doesn't need.

Bezos probably owns the building. Yeah, he definitely owns the building. And he could have DiCaprio taken care of like that. No. And that's why it's not sweet to be broke. You can't have Leonardo DiCaprio taken care of.

You'd probably make it look like an accident. Make it real sad. Not after that tweet he fired off. Saying he was going to kill him. He did, yeah. That was a bold move. Yeah, he kind of telegraphed his moves. I don't think being the richest person alive, I don't think you're allowed to be thrown around jokes like that

threatening to kill people yeah yeah because he actually is he actually will do that he actually has definitely killed people before i saw him out at brunch one time in miami really bezos is he looking he was looking kind of jacked in that picture you think he's on steroids he is on what yeah he has he has a buffet of human growth hormones yeah yeah he just fucking goes to town it sounds incredible it does sound he's very vascular he's a vascular man i also saw our uh our other bro musk was in the news because i think that like over the last year he went from like 30 billion dollars in net worth to like 360 billion dollars in net worth yeah he's loaded yeah he's rich as fuck

he's rich as fuck bro i can't wait to fucking get as rich as him bro oh dude once this pot once spotify buys the pod i can't wait to fucking but it's i mean we're not settling for any fucking bullshit cooper deal the fucking we just want one million dollars more than she got this that's fine or whatever sure her next deal is going to be we just want a little bit more than that whatever she's getting just put a little cherry on top of the boys. You think she's going to do another deal or you think she's going to retire? Retire? Why would she keep working?

Bro, she's the fucking goat. What do you mean? Why does LeBron keep playing basketball? True. That is true. Do you think that she just has to go on, you know, when MGK was like, It is true. Do you think that she's just has to go on,

uh, you know, when MGK was like, uh, I like, uh, I need to go through shit to keep running. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. You think she's like that and she's just like fucking, she's like, it's for the pod. Like I need to fuck for the pod. I need to keep on fucking for the pod. Do you think that when people sign over to Spotify,

like kind of like, uh, takes their edge, bro. Do you think they lose a lot of listeners or no? No. Maybe a couple thousand? I don't know because I think they gain listeners. I would imagine they gain a fuck ton. Really?

Call Her Daddy is the fifth thing on Spotify Explore page. Yeah, that's true. They also gave her a billboard, which I don't really understand that at all. Yeah, what else did I... He also gave her a billboard, which I don't really understand that at all. Yeah, what else did I... Oh, she was on the... What's the... Whoa, who's looking at a billboard of a podcast and being like, yeah, I'm gonna listen to this. I have to fucking listen to that. How you got me. That picture

looks like it would go great with some audio. Yeah. She was on the Drew Barrymore show. Really? She was on Tucker Carlson yesterday. AC was? Yeah. No way. Yeah, she was talking about, well, Tucker was talking to her

about how dick sucking is destroying the minds of the youth. Was she arguing with it? Oh, yeah. She was like, no, it's actually an AC. She sucked him off on Tucker Carlson. No way.

Yeah. I'm going to prove right now that you can't ruin, that you will ruin my mind. Alex Cooper from Barstool Sports, Spotify deal, $60 million, three years, Alex. She's going to suck me bone dry. To prove that. She is going to suck the fuck out of my dick.

To prove that the minds of the youth are being corroded by the Gluck Gluck 9000. Alex, explain the Gluck Gluck 9000. Well, I suck the soul out of guys. Of course I destroy their minds. It's called giving brain. But, uh, she was saying that, like,

uh, she was like, I'm never going to Photoshop a picture. Like my fans called me out for Photoshopping a picture. And I promise that I'm going to be okay with the body that I have. And she Photoshopped, right? I mean, I don't know if she Photoshopped.

No, no, no. She got caught Photoshopping. After that? Or like, I think she was like, from this moment forward,

I'm never going to Photoshop again. Did she say she's never going to Photoshop again? Or was she like, I'm going to like, from this moment forward, I'm never going to Photoshop again. Did she say she's never going to Photoshop again? Or was she like, I'm going to be honest with you guys, I did Photoshop. I think it was like someone coming out

and saying they do use steroids. I feel like people are, I think, I don't mind if people Photoshop their pictures. I truly don't care at all. But I think it's fucked up to say that if you're actually

getting like plastic surgery, you're going to be like, I'm never going to Photoshop again. I will have a doctor completely change how I look. But I will not use any applications to make myself look different yeah i don't care about either of those things but it's like you can't you can't have one and not and like make fun of the other yeah i'm just i don't know i don't think we really picked the career path we're going to be photoshopping ourselves thank god what if the bros had to

fucking photoshop themselves that shit wouldn't be right just photoshop and prints on photoshop my arms sometimes like and not post it just to see what it would look like if i was more jacked you really do all the time why don't you post it it sounds funny i have no i don't do it for humor i do it to be dead serious i have i want to know what the fucking picture of what i think i sent this to you guys didn't i i? I don't know, but I hope that you would at least also Photoshop your lats to make it proportionate. Because if you're going to be...

Is that the unreleased? Is that an unreleased episode? That was our worst episode we've ever done, by far. Because of the sound quality? The sound quality. We just didn't talk about anything. And had woke i woke up like five minutes beforehand which one was that when we were at uh we were on the road we were in georgia oh oh milk yeah yeah that episode struggled i thought it was the end of it that was the funniest episode of all time at the time sure every every episode is the funniest episode and i I mean, it's literally...

Do it. Now it's Monday, November 9th. It's 2 a.m. And we're going strong. We're going until the goddamn sun comes up. We don't give a fuck, bro. And we do this for the fans. We do this so one day we'll have the billboard in Times Square.

Yes, people will be looking at our un-Photoshopped faces. And we would never Photoshop. That's the thing. We would never. We would never Photoshop. People would be like, they're ugly enough to be funny. They've gone through enough. Oh, yeah. But I don't know if... Bro, you had the fans going nuts

up in fucking... in Beantown, bro. Oh, yeah. I forgot we tweeted. We haven't talked about that at all. Yeah, we had our live shows out in Boston. Those were good. Shout out to everybody who came out. Shit was nuts. 15 people died. And you kept podcasting. Oh, we just kept going.

That's why it's like you're almost implicit. Like the fact that you podcasted through it. It's like people are all talking about Aaron Rodgers and the vaccine. They should be talking about the Boy Dad show. About how the Boy Dad. The Boy Dad X-anus show. We were saying, if we do more of those shows, we just need to come up with one name. Yeah.

Like a name for the show. Boy Anus. Banus. Banus. Banus. Yeah, Banus would work. Banus. Or I like Boy Anus.

Or Son of an Anus. Son of an Anus is... But like Boy Anus implies a man's butthole, though. Yeah, true. Boy Anus would work. But I don't want to do banus. Son of an anus sounds like a poorly translated Spanish curse word or some shit. Boy anus would be funny. What was your takeaway from the show?

Oh, they were fun. I mean, I totally lost my voice after, which sucked a lot. Why was it? Because you were just telling jokes so hard? No, so I was already sick. And then I just like went out on stage and talked for like three hours and i lost my voice bro that's like that's kind of a girl move kind of a chick move so much shit and nothing helped i was drinking honey i was just chugging honey right out of the thing just eating honey and i was drinking just straight lemon i put a bunch of lemons in my

water and i was just drinking it all day nothing helped did you rest up did you rest the cords i did rest and i the only thing you could do a lot better now i think i think by tomorrow i'll be good i'll be like 100 but i'm still waking up with like a sore throat which is annoying that shit is whack i woke up with a sore throat on fucking saturday and i cursed your name yeah i mean i told you i was sick last week and then you were like i don't give a fuck and i didn't give a fuck i didn't give a fuck i cared that much about fucking cranking out this podcast i want people to hear our voices it's amazing that we found where we find an hour a week with all the fucking grinding oh dude with all the shit that we do and we go through at tony hawk pro skater life bro what do you think about my notebook i was about to ask you about

that i'm just carrying it around now you You look like an intellectual. I know. That's the whole point of it. You look like Bukowski. That's the whole point. You look like you're probably writing the next great American novel. Today, I was sitting at my desk just writing away, and everyone was looking at me, and they were like, yo, dude, what the fuck is he writing? What the fuck is he writing?

Is he writing a novel? Bro, crack it open. It's actually, I'm writing a suicide note. 60 pages long. I ain't reading all that. I'm happy for you or sorry that it happened. No, there's definitely some heaters in here. Yeah?

Yeah, this one just says, Pete Davidson doesn't have a big dick. Ariana Grande has a small pussy. Everybody else is disappointed. Kim Kardashian with her fucking grand canyon pussy fucking expected it to be filled up by davidson but it turns out that there was one more that i had that i wanted to share or what if every other ariana grande boyfriend had like just a micro penis like she was just probably did she was just on a mac didn't have that i forgot mac had a fucking

i mean i feel like the fact that she talked so glowingly of pete davidson's dick was a sub at mac miller's penis she never fucking said a word about it it could have been it's i mean it's not right honestly she should be canceled for that well she did get canceled but you should but and then she came back even stronger exactly that's why she's a fucking girl boss. But you need to. Where the hell is this joke that I wrote? Where's that good shit, man? Where's the fucking crack?

9-11 wasn't about politics or jihadism. It was about getting back at the woke cancel culture mob. Dude, I'm sick of cancel culture, bro. And then this one, I was going to make a fake headline, and it was just a bit Lawton Speaks on 9-11 attacks. The woke cancel culture mob is coming after me. Almost every single joke is about cancel culture or 9-11. Those are the two things that fucking America knows about.

Like, those are the two things that have... If you point to the two biggest and worst things that have happened over the last 20 years or so... Oh so oh yeah it's cancel culture and 9-11 in that order oh yeah cancel culture cancel culture is an easy first oh yeah it's like cancel culture is up here and then 9-11 is just down what does they say in moneyball he's like these teams are here and then there's a heaping pile of shit, and then we're down here. Yeah. Bro, I got it.

Cancel culture happened. There was a steaming pile of shit, and then the attacks. I got to get involved with the MLB somehow. How do you want to get involved? We should have the Rocket on the next show. Karabas. No, no, no, no. I'm trying to go to the actual league, bro.

So why not have Karabas? Bro, he never played in the MLB. Well, his co-host, maybe we should have Ortiz. No, no, no. I'm trying to go to the actual league, bro. So why not have Karabas? Bro, he never played in the MLB. Well, his co-host, maybe we should have Ortiz. Yeah, yeah, that would work. David Ortiz, Boston's... A little sad stuff that David Ortiz was from Boston. I looked up most famous people. We were on our train and we were trying to come out with a way to open our show.

And I looked up famous people from Boston. Number one was Casey Affleck. Number two was David Ortiz. I don't think either. Or no, Casey Affleck is from Boston. Ben's from California, maybe? Ben's from California. But like, David Ortiz, he has like a full Spanish accent.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are they cousins or are they brothers? No, they're broskies. So how, or do they just move? Yeah, I think the parents probably conceived one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are they cousins or are they brothers? No, they're broskies. So how, or do they just move? Yeah, I think the parents probably conceived one in, they conceived one out in California

and they're like, it's not gonna work out. We gotta get to Boston and harden these boys up. Yeah, and they did a damn good job. They're never gonna be able to write Will Hunting.

No. If they don't fucking do that, if they don't actually brawl out in the streets. It was method. It was all method for guilt. Casey's dumbass didn't have any part in writing that movie.

He must have had some part in it. He was at least in it. Bro, he's an industry plant. I think the whole family's probably industry plants. They were probably fucking... Did Weinstein? Yeah. He made that movie? Yeah. Damn.

Did he fuck everybody that was in his movies? He fucked Matt Damon. I know that yeah i feel like he was definitely fucking matt damon like he there's no doubt in my mind with matt damon's pretty face bro it's pretty lit apparently he has a big ass head damon yeah one of my professors in college wrote for snl and he said the one thing that he remembered about matt damon was he had a huge head really yeah the size of a bowling ball i uh speaking of which we went bowling this weekend or week we did go bowling this week that was very fun but real quick on matt damon i saw i i uh walked or he was i was writing for the like a sketch on the james gordon show or something

like that and matt yeah and matt damon was in the hallway and he like came walking by and everybody got like real quiet. But I wanted to make it seem like I wasn't fazed by Matt Damon. So I started like just talking way louder and just like completely ignored him all the time. And just made it seem like I like I wasn't completely starstruck and like kind of like half sub ignored him as he fucking stroll by. He didn't seem like he had a massive dome. Well built guy on the shorter side, though. Big head. I didn't seem like he had a massive dome. Well-built guy. On the shorter side, though.

Big head. I didn't think he had that big of a head, bro. No, I've heard that he has a big head. It's he said, he said right now. We're going he said, he said versus your professor and me. I also wrote down all the ads in this. Crack one. Now, let's do another ad.

Let's just do some more ads, huh? That'll be fun. I love fucking ads. That'll be fun i love fucking that'll be fun i love advertise i love our advertisers are you here all week oh yeah want to do two episodes this week yes bro cool all right yes should we have like nick on or some shit like that um we might be able to get tim dillon oh fuck nick i would say we probably won't alright Nick's back in yeah

Nick is out this week no Nick's out all week fuck Nick in a big way but yeah our yeah I'm down to have another episode

I like doing episodes either way we'll do another episode yeah for the people dude a free episode no ads yeah

unless the advertisers bare bottom they can hit us up direct yeah that money's going to us though or the BetterHelp folks let's talk about BetterHelp actually I might advertise for BetterHelp for free

just because they are truly goaded over there alright well let's not do that yet let's do the ad and then you can advertise for them for BetterHelp? yeah that's what doing the hat is advertising for them oh shit bro fucking think about it i got the better help i'll pull out the app right now on my phone bro they got the app on the phone bam you could just schedule some therapy like that

it's that simple if you need to talk to somebody you can do it you could just talk to somebody and they will help you out because they're that good of a people. They are. BetterHelp is custom online therapy that offers video, phone, and even live chat sessions with your therapist. So you don't have to see anyone on camera if you don't want to. And that's what I choose. I don't want to see anybody. It could be like a confession in church. Exactly. I just talked through a screen. Yeah. It's much more affordable than in-person therapy and you can start communicating with your therapist under 48 hours why invest in everything else and not your mind exactly you can't photoshop a picture of your mind looking better like you can with your biceps you got to do that shit yourself and you might

work out in the gym you know you might go for long 10 mile runs first thing in the morning like goggins but sometimes you got to work out your mind too and talking to somebody or going and logging on to better help getting a therapy session, that's the perfect way. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. It means that you have invested in keeping your mind healthy. And Barstool Sports agrees. They're offering BetterHelp services to their employees, that's us, as an added benefit

to make sure that they take care of our well-being. Nardini said, we're going to make sure that all the fucking chickens are eaten, that everybody is well-fed out there, because we don't want any chickens going crazy. We want to make sure that we're focused in. It's customized. Especially with daylight savings coming up. Coming up.

Daylight savings happening. Bro, we're in the midst of it. We're in the midst of it. This is the best time to get there. This is the best time to get the BetterHelp gone. And it's sponsored. This podcast is- It's going to be a long winter.

Yeah, that's a fact. That's why we need to get out to Italy. It's been dark for the whole time I've been awake. Yeah, I forgot we lived in Alaska. 24 hours of darkness. This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp and Son of a Boy Dad listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com

slash son. That's B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P dot com slash son. Tap in, dude. Tap in. Tap into that BetterHelp, dude. They will look out for you.

They will. They're the freaking best over there. They'll take care of you. They're good folks over there. You pick your therapist. You say, oh, I don't want to talk to you about this. You say, oh, I want to talk to you about this.

This is the things that I want to talk to you about. I don't want to look at you. I'm scared of cars. I don't even want to look at you. You're my shit off. Why were you? I mean, I'm still stuck on the scared of cars thing. I'd never heard of somebody just being scared of cars.

Did you get cars sick? No. Like, cars are essential. And you see those shits everywhere. I would be walking everywhere. Did you really walk a lot of places? Did you live in a walkable town? No.

That's why I was so pumped. I'm just going to walk, fellas. I was pumped when I moved to the city because I was like, I'm walking everywhere now. Dude, you do talk a lot of shit on New York, but you don't mention that it's a very walkable city. Oh, no. I never walk in New York. New York is the worst city to walk in. what are you talking about i'm sure it's nice over in brooklyn it's incredible in brooklyn they got fucking street sweepers and police

officers in every corner the bums are rich yeah everybody's fucking paid out there you can't we literally can't walk in our in our neighborhood or there's like a 60% chance we'll get killed. Really? Yeah. Two people have died on our street in the last month. Last two weeks. I feel like that's good though because that means that it's not you. I feel like that... It's gonna be us one day. You're dodging a bullet right there. Every time that somebody else dies, I get happy because it's like

okay, I'm not fucking... Didn't happen to me. This shit is fucking sweet. I didn't have to fucking die. It's incredible. It's bad, man. No, it's not's not that bad shit's not going well right now what uh are you about to get back up on that stage or what why are you talking to dylan what's uh is he or did he just said he's gonna maybe be in town oh he's in town bro oh yeah oh he's in town i asked if he wants to come on tonight but he can't't. He had to record his podcast. It's like priorities, bro. I respect that.

What's the nature of your guys' conversations? Just checking in? Just checking in. On a homie level? On a homie level, yeah. Or is he just giving you game? I mean, we're like this, bro. I know.

I could tell, bro. Two peas in a pod. Does he tell you that you got to write jokes down in your notebook? No, that's just me doing that. Because it looks cool to bring a notebook up on stage? It looks sick. No, I'm not going to bring it up on stage. I don't need to do that anymore. You always do that. It's all up here. When was the last time you got up? A month ago.

Did you bring the notebook up then? I was supposed to do two sets last week at the stand and I had to cancel both of them. And now they're probably never going to book me again. And now I'm fucked. Now your fucking career is down the drain. Your only chance is making millions on Spotify. I know. I literally was, was i had a sit i was supposed to do a set on monday night and friday night and i was gonna do one saturday night too luckily i told them i couldn't do the

one saturday because i didn't want to do the whole weekend doing shows and then i was like i i waited until the morning of friday to be like oh maybe i'll have my voice back and i was like i can't do this yeah you sounded terrible it's so awkward it would have just been bad i'd be like, oh, maybe I'll have my voice back. And I was like, I can't do this. Yeah. You sounded terrible on Friday. It would have been so awkward. It would have just been bad. I would have been like, it's like you're really quiet and then randomly just like one word comes out really loud. Just squeaks out of you. Yeah. Dude, I had a problem

with my voice cracking while I was in my freshman year of high school. Really? And I was in a Spanish class with a bunch of sophomores and every single time I talked, my voice would crack. And they would fucking die laughing. Yeah. Honestly, I'm surprised.

How come Spanish... When I was in Spanish, I was with a bunch of older kids, too. I was the youngest kid in the class for some reason. Yeah, why do they do that? I don't know. Did they think that we were just brilliant with language? No, I was in the dumb class. Oh, they think we're just idiots with language?

I don't know. That might have been it. It was humiliating. I had a couple of bad eggs in my class. Oh, bad boys? Kids would be getting thrown out into the hallway like every day. Because Spanish class is the prime class to fucking goof off in. Oh, yeah. I had two years

of Spanish where I was the only male in the class. No way. Hell yeah. That's fucking... And you're complaining why? Yeah, that seems fucking like every guy's dream. It's fucking tough to see someone else living out your dreams like that bro um there would always be people in my class that like tried to like i mean just everybody had like terrible philly accents trying to speak spanish

and they're like play-doh here albania don't they install a bibliotheca it was just garbage i uh i spanish like i have like nightmares about spanish class yawning yeah because it's making me style of bibliotheca. It was just garbage. Spanish? I have nightmares about Spanish class. You got to stop yawning. Yeah, because it's making him yawn. Bro, it's six in the morning. I haven't slept in two days. I can tell you haven't slept.

Stop stopping the pod and making us start again. You get veins around your eyes when you don't sleep enough. I see it. You need some of those strips. I was up till 4 a.m. watching Moneyball last night. Why did you start it at 2 a.m.? We were sitting in the kitchen

and then I went in. In my head, I was like, this movie's going to suck. I was like, I'm just going to throw this on and fall asleep while I'm watching it. And then within 10 minutes, I was like, holy shit, this is the best movie I've ever seen.

This shit is fucking genius. Yeah, yeah. Fucking pits on. I was like, they're going to change. I was like, Billy Bean is the best movie i've ever seen this fucking genius yeah fucking pits on i was like they're gonna change i was like billy bean is gonna change the fucking game forever and not just baseball no everything every goddamn the way that we look at everything the analytic approach is the way of life fucking i was like fuck the old school method we're going analytics statistics are everything dude and, that kind of is you. You're a numbies guy. That's basically what it is.

I know. Like, you're just a different iteration of Billy Bean. I know. You're Billy Bean for Twitter. It was a bummer that Billy Bean kind of, Billy Bean had his flop era, though, pretty early. What do you mean? Well, he went in, he got drafted to the Mets,

and then he, like, sucked ass. So then he had to sit behind a fucking screen. Yeah, you couldn't relate to that. Can't relate to that. Bro, you go to the show, you gotta be ready for the show. Story of my fucking life, bro. If you're not a pro, you play like a goddamn pro. Exactly, bro. That's some fucking

bean shit. Why were you watching that at two in the morning? Were you, uh, oh, that was Sunday night. Were you fucked up? No, we were just hanging out in the kitchen. We actually were watching some of your videos. What videos? We watched some of your like man on the street stuff you watched the politics one oh yeah like trump inauguration that was a that was a fun video yeah we were laughing hard we watched him old big cat man on the street stuff too which was funny he's hilarious at that too it's a fun uh it's like a fun thing to do yeah just get out in the world that was like my

first week at barstool actually that, that was probably five years ago yesterday. Bro. Wild, bro. Five year anniversary and you didn't even sell it? We got to go out for it. Bro, the breakfast places are probably almost open.

It's like 7 a.m. Should we go get a fucking celebratory? Let's pop bottles and get omelets. Let's go get some Bloody Marys. It's 7? Yeah, it's 7 a.m. right now. Oh, shit.

Oh, fuck. It's going to be late. Pod's going to be late. If you're hearing this exactly at 7, you have found a hole in the space-time continuum. No, it's good. It's live. Have you... You guys are live.

Oh, we're live right now. Reporting live from a stupid-ass fucking undecorated room. I know. Have you been going out to bars since all of your IDs have been stripped of you? Here and there. Yeah? Yeah. Just in New York?

I'll usually just flash the guy a Benjamin and then he'll let me in. You'll just show him a Benjamin? Yeah. I won't even give him money. I'll be like, I had a Benjamin. I'm going to be spending tonight. You're going to want to let me through those doors. You're going to not let a bunch of big money spenders

welcome in your door? It's already shit-faced at the fucking door. Dude, we got to... I mean, fuck a celly for my five years here. We got to do a celly on April 5th. Oh, yeah, 21st. I know. Are you thinking about that yet?

We got to go bowling for it. No, what day of the week is it? Yeah, you got to figure that shit out. We'll go bowling for it. No, what day of the week is it? Yeah, you gotta figure that shit out. We'll go out to the fucking lanes, bro. Smoke some cigs inside. I'll probably just stay at home and watch Moneyball. That's all I wanna do. It's on a Tuesday. Oh, fuck that.

That sucks. Yeah, don't celebrate that shit, bro. Bro, we literally have the pod coming out that day, too. Fuck! I don't do numbers. If the pod is still a thing by then,. Fuck. Damn. I don't do numbers. If a pod is still a thing by then, of course. Yeah. We haven't moved on. Yeah.

If you're not just doing a pod with you and Dave solo. I guess that wouldn't be solo. Dissecting business insider down to the roots. Canceling cancel culture once and for all. I fucking hate that cancel culture shit bro i fucking cancel culture my fucking memory this past weekend i got blacked out and it wasn't the first time in a long time that i got just all the way blacked out you get really hung over too right i know i actually didn't get hung over at all i feel like a lot of people i'll just see people

at every i've seen you after drinking like four beers. You wake up the next morning, you look like a zombie. What? When has that ever happened? You gotta go to the train. I'm the fucking bionic man. You gotta go to the fucking train. Oh, you're talking about in Boston? That was from cocaine.

That's because a stranger put cocaine in my nose. All right, that shit hangs me over. And where else? I'm trying to think of where else. Maybe you're just not a morning guy. Are you not a morning guy? I'm a morning guy. I'm energetic.

I'm vivacious in the fucking mornings, bro. My shit cracks in the mornings. But I feel like I see people every age from fucking 23 to their fucking late 30s being like, I used to be able to drink both days of the weekend and now I can only do one day. I feel completely the opposite. I feel like I'm becoming a better drinker and I can drink for longer periods of time. And even drinking more often?

I used to be able to drink every day. Yeah? That's why you had to stop drinking. Because you were so good at it? I was fucking fantastic at drinking every day. I was so fucking good at hangovers, dude. It was like nothing. I could drink so much and it would have no effect on me.

I feel like I'm getting more bionic. Is that really why you quit, Owen? Nah. I don't get super hungover. I just get insanely anxious to the point where I have to lock myself in my room for 48 hours. Yeah? Yeah. And you just see some cars and you have a panic attack?

It's like a toy car on my windowsill. Yeah. And you just see some cars and you have a panic attack. It's like a toy car on my windowsill. Yeah. Gas car's on. Get it out. Turn this shit the fuck off. It's not a phobia of cars. It's not like I'm scared of cars. It was me being in cars.

Sounds like you're scared of cars. And the feeling of being trapped in the car would make me anxious. Like going on the highway. But is it also because it's moving? What about elevators? No, elevators didn't really do it for me. Really? Because you're closed in there.

Chairlifts kind of did for a little bit. When you're skiing? Yeah, when I would shred. People love that you're a skier, too. The majority of the questions on the live show... Dude, some kid DMed me. He wants to send us skis. We'll take them.

I said I have skis. I was like, I'll talk to Roan. We'll just take them. We'll both take them. No, I have, bro. I've got good skis. Well, this guy probably has also good skis. Like you can't wear.

Not as good as mine. You can wear different skis. It's not like you have the same ski every time down. It would be nice to have some skis in New York. Yeah. I'm going to go to Colorado next week. Yeah, I booked that trip for us are we going yeah we're not doing content though it's just like a little retreat oh perfect boy dad retreat team building

yeah i love a team building exercise we can't do this bit because i literally just listened to a calm town episode where they were talking about going on a retreat fuck that team building got this but i didn't i didn't purposely bring that up because of that but team building is i mean is an important thing. Yeah. You should have come down to Charleston. Yeah, that would have been weird. I was at the bar, shit-faced.

Just me, you, and your wife. No, there was her girlfriends that were there. I'm really tired. Can you guys bring me home? Getting kicked out of every bar. We tried to go to... We just hang out in one of the hotel rooms like a six-pack we'll be back you're like it's like a dog friendly hotel it's just you and a bunch of dogs locked in all the hotel rooms eating like a dijorno personal pizza that you

heat it up in the microwave it's actually it's gonna start sucking because i i'm like not gonna be able to... All my friends are going to be 21 before me. That's whack. Yeah. There should be a law where it's like if everyone you know is 21... Or it should just go by grade. Yeah, grade would be awesome.

Or just everybody in college should be able to drink. It's a joke that people go to college and you're not allowed to drink. Dude, my friend, Matt, who you met in Vanderbilt, he's... He's a fucking legend? Yeah, he's a fucking legend. He is going to be 21, still living in a dorm. Yeah, what? So he's going to like not...

He's not even going to be able to drink on his 21st... I was talking this weekend. We were talking about how he's going to have to be like sneaking beers past his RA, who's younger than him. Yeah. My freshman year on my floor, we had the hockey team. Yeah. And they were like 23-year-old freshmen. 23 year old freshmen oh yeah why does that always happen it was the same as at penn state the freshmen there were all like 23 only the hockey players the hockey kids do like they do like yeah they go

to school they go to high school for like 15 years why but it's like day one of freshman year it's like absolutely no drinking and then he raises his hand he's like i'm 23 yeah i had that a couple kids like that and are they still like, no? They're like, um, we'll talk after. Yeah, you're actually kicked out of school. You're way too old for this shit. Yeah. What the hell are you doing, bro? Get a fucking job. Join the workforce. Fucking help

America. It's over for you, brother. You ever thought about joining the military, bitch? We should be sending our old folks. Old people should be in the military they should it'd be way sweeter to just let the fucking like especially because they're not like

they don't like care about anything and they're or they're also you can't develop PTSD if you're past like 30 exactly I think they would be good warriors

they have nothing to lose and they have the most political opinions they like care the most about like war they're like oh we want to go to war and they're closest to death. It's not that big of a loss. No, it's not. Like a fucking just sending over some 65-year-old

dudes. Yeah, we gotta stop sending over our child soldiers are fun, though. Child soldiers are dope. Old people soldiers are dope. It should be children versus old. It should be no. It shouldn't be based on country. It should be based on age. There's just two sides. Children versus old.

Every war is just children versus old. Like there's just two sides. Children versus old. Every, every war is just children versus old. Or we could just like call ahead to like Afghanistan and be like, are you sending your kids or your,

or your old folks? Yeah, make it fair. Yeah, we'll make it, make it fair. You guys going A team or B team? The,

the old people would be the, the A team. Yeah, yeah, of course. And the kids would be the B team. Yeah, yeah, of course. And the kids would be the B team. Yeah.

Obviously. I mean, how young, or I guess, so if you're 17, you're a child soldier? No, I think it's... I was thinking like kids. Yeah, those are child soldiers.

Like 10. Yeah, 17, that's a gray area. Like if I was 10, I got drafted to be a child soldier, I'd be pumped. Oh, same. When you're a child, that's when you're like peak, like, oh, the military is fucking sick.

Yeah. And that's when your dad's nudging you, watching war movies. Like, you like that? Is this cool? You see yourself doing that shit? Yeah. And like part of your brain, like killing people doesn't affect you. No.

It's just like, oh, this shit is sweet. Yeah. It's sick. It doesn't bother you at all. Yeah. Oh, this is fucking incredible. Yeah, it's sick. It doesn't bother you at all. Oh, this is fucking incredible. No remorse. Whoever invented child soldiers,

kind of a genius. Kind of smart. I honestly, I don't think they were doing it. I don't think they were meant to in like a cruel way. I think they were just wanting the kids to have some fun.

Yeah, it's like they wanted to have fun. Imagine how much better this podcast would be if I was a child soldier before. Life experience. Yeah, that would be crazy. Like they have the real life experience. I'm like 20 years old just talking about how I was over in Afghanistan for like three years.

American counselor. Yeah, I met Chris Kyle. Good guy, good guy. Lied about his hit count, though. Yeah, the devil in her body. Dude was a nut, bro. Trust me. He was fucking nuts.

You drinking with him out there, bro? He had some stories. I could hang with him, though. I could hang with him out there, bro? He had some stories. I could hang with him, though. I could hang with him. He would just set up his sniper rifle and fucking shoot Miller lights from fucking two miles away. That's Chris Pratt, too. Was he? No, no, no, no.

That's not Chris Pratt. That's, uh, fuck. Chris Pratt was in some other shit. It's, uh, what's his name? What? Bradley Cooper. Cooper. Yeah.

Chris Pratt is, uh, he's in the Navy SEALs in Zero Dark Thirty. Yeah. his name? Bradley Cooper. Cooper. Chris Pratt, he's in the Navy Seals in Zero Dark Thirty. Yeah, I didn't buy that. I feel like if he went through actual training, not to body shame a man, but I feel like he'd be more shredded. No, I think they have to get really shredded before they join.

Then when they join, they kind of let loose. You think so? No. Dude, there's no way they're like, you guys got to maintain washboard six-pack abs while you're out in Afghanistan. I bet they do. Or else you're off the force. And I think it's like... They're probably just all stage acts. They're probably just working out all the time. And they're just eating MREs. Yeah, and they're also just walking

around with like 10,000 pounds of equipment on them. You know what would cost $70,000 to deploy one U.S. soldier? Shut up. Yeah. And how much does it cost to send one to college? Makes you fucking think, bro. Isn't that crazy, though?

$70,000 of equipment on them. Oh, just like that's all? Just what they're wearing? Yeah. Dude, like. I'm pretty sure. No, I made that part up. Let's get a fact check on that.

Nah, let's not. No, I'm like, I saw it in some movie. I forget what movie it was. I believe it, and I don't want to fact check it. I want to live in the reality where that's true, because the defense fucking, they spend Boku bucks on defense, bro. Where's that guap going now, though? I think they're still just buying guns. They're buying the best and biggest guns.

Oh, wait. That could be wrong. They definitely said that in War Dogs, which is a comedy. But it's not. It's also based on true story. No, that shit's definitely true. It wasn't. The facts and figures weren't meant to be jokes. I don't believe. That movie was good.

Was it? Yeah, you ever see it? I think I saw it, but I think I was fucking obliterated, bro. You have a drinking problem. I just love this shit, man. I was standing at the bar with a fucking stool over my head like Travis Scott. Oh, no. I was fucking lit up.

Like Travis? I was... Cut. Yeah, dude, cut that. Leap that shit out. Yeah. I was talking about like early Travis Scott before he was a fucking mass murderer, okay? This shit goes back to 2015, bro.

Yeah. We were uncovering some shit before. What happened? We were waiting hours and hours for you to get here. What happened? What time is it now? We're three weeks in the future. It's been 24 hours since we started recording.

It's December now. Oh, fuck. And the boys are just tired. No, they're not. But we're trying our best. Bro, I'm in gastrointestinal hell. I had a fucking bean burger this morning. I've been fucking letting off.

Owen was saying that he follows your wife on Instagram. And he was like, yeah, waiting for you to show up. And he was like, dude, Roan's wife just posted a picture at a bar with Roan. And we were like, dude, he's not coming. We were so convinced that you weren't going to come. That I was just going to bail on the boys? Yeah. That's why I texted.

I was like, Roan are we still good for nine? Because you were out getting drinks like 30 minutes before that. No, those are pictures from earlier in the weekend, my friend. I'm not a shit face right now. We put that together. Yeah. She also followed me first. We had a good laugh about it.

Hands up. Well, I don't know. You're allowed to follow her first. Get out of here, Ro. You just made this so fucking weird. Well, I guess we'll just do the Manscaped ad. That fucking pervert shit, bro. Should we do the Manscaped ad?

This holiday season, I'm giving thanks to our friends at Manscaped. Do I tell my extended family that I have the performance package 4.0 from the global leaders in Below the Waist Grooming. Not to mention it includes the Lawnmower 4.0 trimmer to tame that bush and score brownie points from the in-laws. Give yourself Manscaped, or the man in your life who needs it. Ladies, does your boyfriend have a wildly overgrown mane of pubes

that you need to trim down into a nice tidy flame pattern or a cool fade from top to bottom then you can join the four million men worldwide who trust manscaped with 20 off and free shipping with the code sun by going to manscaped.com. Perfect. 20% off. Really good job. Really good job. 20% off and free shipping.

With code SUN at manscaped.com. That is 20% off and free shipping with code SUN at manscaped.com. Dude, they have it all, bro. They have the fucking, they got the shit for you. I shaved my set the other night, bro, and I right yes bro i'm looking good no nicks bro i'm a sixers fan so i fucking hate the nicks if you know what i mean bro my balls are never getting bloodied not not when i'm on the manscape diet no no my shit is fucking I shaved my whole body from the neck down. Smooth as a bowling ball. My manscape.

Just to get aerodynamic. I shaved my legs. You ever shaved your legs? No. Have you? No. Neither have I. Why would I? Swimmers. Oh yeah, I guess they do. I shaved my chest by accident.

I've shaved my chest. I have a hairy my chest I've shaved my I have a hairy stomach and I shaved my stomach and I was like I went I left the bathroom and I was like what the fuck oh it's so much worse

and I was like what the fuck did I just do really because then you just have like a crew cut on your belly button no literally like because like the hair

doesn't you have to shave either the entire front of you or nothing or else it literally looks like I had like a line up I was like what the hell

did I just do it looked looks like I had like a lineup. I was like, what the hell did I just do? It looked so bad. I was like 15 at the time, so I didn't really matter. There was like one hair that you shaved off. Like now I'm constantly popping off my top. Yeah, your fucking chest hair is almost peeking through the top of your shit. I literally have no hair anywhere except for right on my stomach. Really?

Oh, yeah. You're going to grow a beard someday, though. I've lost hope. Did you just recently? I actually was thinking about that last night. Yeah? While I was writing jokes. Fuck. What are some of your jokes about it? Let's see if we got any in here.

What do we have? What else? What else? Let's do another bit. I think I said my only good ones. Fuck. I feel like you glossed over them too. I feel like we could have chewed on them a little bit more. I feel like we could have really sunk our teeth into some fucking... This one just says no life experience. It's not as much. They're not all jokes.

They're more like ideas. Thought starters. Thought starters. What do you got? What do you got? I want to see if I have any fucking thought starters in this bitch, bro. Thought starters. Things to start with.

This one says exploding ants with a magnifying glass. You want to elaborate on that one? No. It's more... There's a magnifying glass next to my desk and i was thinking about how people used to do that and they wouldn't like they would burn ants yeah but you want to fucking explode them well when i first learned about it someone's like yeah if you put a magnifying glass over an ant in the sun it'll explode and i did it and i was like waiting for it to explode and just never did it didn't even die actually because you probably weren't like

harnessing the sun part dude i used to carry a magnifying glass Around with me when I was younger And I would just Do like So you gotta get it So it has the little tiny dot of sun Yes And I would just do it

To like my dad And just like burn his skin You were You were literally Dennis the Menace Like he carried a slingshot In his back pocket Yeah

And you carried a magnifying glass In your back pocket Like you thought I was probably in like second grade But I remember it being very fun. I thought you were an encyclopedia. And I would just sit in my driveway and just have my magnifying glass out. And I would just be burning newspapers.

And dude, they would literally like light up in flames. Like they engulf in flames. It's one of the coolest things you can do when you're a kid. Yeah, people don't know that when they give their child a magnifying glass, they're giving them a WMD. Dude, it's actually fucking like, I might get one again soon. Just to have a magnifying glass? I have one at a WMD. Dude, it's actually fucking like, it was, I might get one again soon. Just to have a magnifying glass to like I have one at my desk actually, I can just take that home. But of course, there's no sun in New York

so that doesn't really work. Yeah, they used to wage wars with magnifying glasses until the buildings blocked out the sun. Wait, why wouldn't people weaponize that? Why wouldn't they make massive magnifying glasses and just put it over cities? That's fucking smart idea. I feel like save that.

Save that. Yeah. Fucking tell that we got to sell that to Donald Rumsfeld. My other big idea was I didn't know why serial killers never just went on top of the Empire State Building with a bag of coins. Yeah, that's funny. That's genius. That's really fucking funny, dude.

How fucking dare you? He's giving honest ideas. I'm sitting watching you read oh i'm not reading on this is for the this is for the fans this is i can't say most of these because they're all about travis scott they'll play in a week why you're saying it's too soon to way too soon people are still taking this hard no way bro you're allowed to say it this is how we cope this is how guys like us fucking cope with tragedies like that. We crack a couple jokes at it.

What are you saying? That they were just stampeding to get the Travis Scott meal or some shit? No. Got any McDonald's crossovers? This one just says Travis Scott is worse than Hitler. I feel that. When you go to a Travis Scott show, you need to know that there's possibly that the rage will take your life. Well, that's like something the rage will take your life. Well,

that's like something they actually say. I know. That's why I wrote it down. Fucking was showing me all these fucking, or he was telling me about him. What were they? All the posts. Oh yeah.

It was like, um, like everyone shut up. It was Travis's best show ever. Like, you know what you're signing up for when you agree to rage. No way. They're bringing a new

definition to the rage. They're pumped about what happened. Travis Scott fans? This is going to put us on the fucking map. People are going to go to concerts hoping. Everything changes now. Only three people died. That's fucking whack.

We need to up those numbers. They think that they're actual Hoping everything changes now. Oh, only three people died. That's fucking whack. Yeah. We need to up those numbers. Yeah, they think that they're like actual savages. They think they're a cult. What is a cult? It sounds like a cult. Yeah. Kind of. When the one kid died in 2015,

Travis just posted a picture of his face and said like, fucking hero. He's dead in the picture. And he goes, this guy's a fucking hero. What? What is the exact picture of him while he was dead? Literally a kid dead at the mosh pit and he's like

he was like, wait, fuck. It's like right on the tip of my tongue. Mosh pits are terrifying. I've never been in one. Soft. No life experience. We need to get you out fucking mosh pit. I was at a reggae concert one time my buddy greened out in the in the in the front of the entire thing and we had to carry him out like passed out yeah oh do you guys not say greened out is that not a thing yeah i think

didn't we talk about this early on it's not a thing at all greening out yeah we did talk about that it is a thing and everyone every i got like 100 dms people being like greening out is a thing yeah yeah my buddy my buddy uh greened out and uh it was bad i don't like being in crowded like there's no like there's no there's no fun in being in that crowded of an area at all no fucking i yeah i mean festivals i guess are uh are fun and cool but just like being trapped i feel like that's something to get a phobia about just being trapped in a fucking massive crowd not being able to go anywhere getting trampled to death that shit sounds bad

that shit sounds like a bad way to go and horrifying is Travis Scott fully the problem? I tried to play devil's advocate a couple times and now I'm just going with yeah it's Travis Scott's fault you can play devil's advocate once and get denied a couple times and I'm just going, now I'm just going with, yeah, it's Travis Scott's fault. Oh, yeah. You can only play Devils. You can only get,

you can play Devils the advocate once and get denied and then you can try it again and if you get denied the second time, then you're like, okay, I'm wrong.

It's me. Yeah, he is. It's gotta be on Travis. Yeah. He needs to have fucking calm ass concerts. So it probably should be some reggae shit.

Your friend's a pussy though for passing out from off weed at a reggae concert though. Bro, you don't know how my boys smoke. Those guys take it to the next level. Bro, you've seen the fucking doinks I roll, bro. Yeah, tiny ass doinks. I roll cannons, bro. Also, the picture that you posted

of me when I was like, this is the joint that I rolled for you, that was the joint that you rolled. No, that was the joint you rolled. No, that was the joint that you rolled. No, bro, that was the joint you rolled. And everyone was like, bro, that roll is brutal. Tough roll. Tough roll on s doing a you roll. No, but that was a joint. You and everyone was like, bro, that role is brutal. Tough role. Tough role on SAS. No, they flamed your ass for that.

Literally, that was your role. That was your role. Like we can make a video where we just like we both roll a joint and we let the fans decide that shit would be so sick. That would be fucking fire. We should get a weed sponsor. Winner gets to smoke them both. Oh, yeah. fire, bro. We should get a weed sponsor. Winner gets to smoke them both. Oh, yeah. Oh, fuck.

God, the other one drools. And he's just so jealous. Like a cartoon character. Oh, fuck. Bro, let me just get one puff. One puff. Let me just get a secondhand high. Bro, get your roll game up.

Yeah, you got to. Bro, let's go head to head. Bro, if you're a fucking smoker listening to this show in your car right now, fucking honk your horn a couple times. up another one fucking light up another fucking fatty legalize it i fucking love that shit bro i fucking i love legal weed man i love the legal weed i love owens jeans too they're fucking i love how you can just you can just buy weed in new york now like anywhere can you actually dude there's a place just it's a place next to our apartment and owen was like i gotta go to that we were going to go store and he's like i go to the smoke shop

and i went in with him and i thought he was buying like a vape or something and then he just comes out just holding two joints i didn't even id him or anything well it opened there was a grand opening and i went in and they had... Are there like a bunch of lights outside of it or anything like that? It's just advertising. It's a big smoke show. And I go in there and it reeks of weed. So I was like, I'm going to sell weed here. But I went in and I asked if they had like a Delta 8 or

3C pen or something like that. And they were like, pussy! And he was like, oh, we also just sell weed, by the way. What? And then I was like, oh, that'd be better. Is that legal? that legal opened a suitcase waxes tinctures edibles a suitcase oil flour dude it's because the cops the cops aren't allowed to fucking arrest anybody anymore you can literally break whatever law you want in new york

in new york like the traffic police officers are like laugh out loud funny yeah i think they just made a one- fits all uniform. Have we ever talked about the guy who walked past a cop to us with a spear? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What happened? This was like a long time ago. We were walking home and this homeless dude was carrying a massive spear shirt on. He just came out of the jungle.

Really? Yeah. But past NYPD. No problem. Yeah. Well, I mean, it's not a gun. You're allowed to carry a spear. It's not loaded, bro. Shit wasn't loaded.

There's no rule against spears. This is America, after all. Second Amendment, brother. The traffic police officers in New York look like they bought a one-size-fits-all suit for all of them. Every single one of them. Their uniform is like ten sizes too big. You know what I'm talking about?

Oh, yeah. Dude, like they'll be wearing like pants and like their shirt will be tucked into their pants and it's like it's the baggiest outfit I've ever seen in my entire life. It's like the 2004 NBA draft. Yeah. Just massive outfits. Dude, they are miserable. It's gotta be the worst job. Yeah, you're

just standing outside under a tunnel fucking waving people on. It's like, who is signing up for that? It's not even that. I'm talking about the people who have like the thing and they go around and they just like give people tickets oh those people oh yeah those are the worst people and dude they dress like real cops except they don't have like handcuffs or a gun or anything like that and so like i've seen people like go up to them like they're the police and they're just like dude leave me the fuck alone yeah fuck you you could commit a full crime in front they should just like, dude, leave me the fuck alone. Yeah, fuck you. You can commit a full crime in front of them. They should just not even have them wear a uniform. Because it makes them look like a position of authority

when it's really people who are just trying to get enough money to satisfy their perk addiction, and they don't drug test on the job. They probably do. It's probably a state job, bro. Get your facts up. Bro, my boy fucking worked for the Philly Parking Authority, and he did it just for his perk addiction,

just to satisfy. And they fired him because he wasn't giving out enough tickets. Like, there's like quotas you have to meet. You have to just fuck everybody over. That was a big thing when I was in college. The cops would go to, it was like a known thing, like don't go to the bars on the 31st or the 30th because the cops would just come there and just get every single person with a fake. That's whack.

To fill their quota. Let the fucking kids drink. Kids would get like arrested. Yes. Because they had a fake ID and like a cop was only doing it just to like fill his quota. That's so dumb. That's why we need to defund the police. Yes, bro.

And we need to burn the police officers down. They're not doing shit anyway. Officers or officers? Both, bro. Burn them alive. I want them burned alive. Some Joan of Arc shit. We need to bring back steaks. Burn people alive at the stake them burned alive. Some Joan of Arc shit. We need to bring back steaks.

Burn people alive at the stake. Have I ever showed you my ACAB tattoo? Oh, yeah. You showed it. Yeah, yeah. Chest piece. Right across. Said, if I'm not going to grow chest hair, I'm at least going to get ACAB.

Yeah. And that shit is tight. So we just had to cut a little something because we were talking dirty about a co-worker and if you want to hear what we said you have to subscribe to the patreon it's $100 a month exactly and you can Venmo it to sass it

you can just Venmo it Venmo us just $100 and we'll tell you who we're talking about everybody we talk to oh my gosh. It's stuff that you're going to want to know. This shit is going to have you looking at people differently. People you thought you knew.

What? You might be hopping off the pirate ship after this one. Yeah, they might make us walk the plank. If you know what I mean. I'm talking pirate death. Should we wrap it up? Yeah, let's do another show later on this week. That was a great idea by you.

It's fantastic to be back in the fold. We might have a guest. We might not have a guest, but either way, it's going to be fucking great. It's going to be fucking spicy. Alright guys, thanks for listening. Make sure you like the YouTube. Subscribe. Give us five stars on the podcast app. Don't

listen on Spotify. Listen on the Apple thing. We value that number more. We value that number more. If you listen on Spotifyify listen on the apple thing we value that number more we value that number more if you listen on spotify you're basically worthless to us exactly i mean what would billy bean do he will go to the place where the path of least resistance where the numbies are the best and he would think like billy bean that's my new motto yeah what would billy do and he would get some numbies so you got to help us with that. How can you not be romantic? How can you not be romantic about podcasting? And we'll leave you with that.

Thank you.