Son of a Boy Dad - Son of a Boy Dad: Ep. 28 - Tip, Tip, Shaft, Tip

Episode Date: November 12, 2021

-- Booonus Episooode -- Rone had a live show with Matt & Shane (Gillis) -- Sas was humbled by (Tim) Dillon -- We are heading to Minneapolis with the Mikes -- Full episode also available on YouTube -- Behind the scenes vlog out Friday nightYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, Son of a Boy Dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. What's up, everybody? Welcome back to Son of a Boy Dad Podcast. Today is November 11th. 11-11. Oh, it's 11-11.

It's 11-11 at 11-11 right now as we're doing this. It's 11-11 at 11-11 right now as we're doing this. It's 11-11 and it is 400. We are at our, what is it? 16-24 military time. 16-24 military time. We are located currently. On Veterans Day, the least we can do is military time. I didn't even think about it.

I just wanted to switch up the intro a little bit. The cadence, which is also a veteran's word. Salute to the veterans. Yeah, what was your favorite war uh 1812 bro we went fucking dumb during 1812 really firing off muskets and shit that was the louisiana purchase right we don't know we don't know no this isn't a war podcast this isn't goddamn goggins well goggins actually never fought in the war oh yikes actually i don't know if he did he probably he could have no no he didn't he didn't he definitely did it it's not uh jocko willink you know jocko i actually have jocko's protein powder i listen to

his podcast too have you ever had his protein powder it's really good what's good about it tastes good dude didn't i two days ago ask you to go halves on a tub of protein powder yeah but i already have a ton of protein powder well how come you've never like came and doled me out some like a poor child well i don't really use protein powder that much anymore a because i it's just easier to go to the store and just buy a protein shake and b because um no it's not as cost effective though no it's not trying to get some protein for the wallet too trying to get some gains for the fucking bank account if you know what i mean yeah but uh the protein powder that i was using for a while every time i would eat every time i would drink it i would get like explosive diarrhea after oh that's fire so i just have a

full thing of that in my apartment a A little rocket fuel for that ass. Yeah. So that wasn't fun. Share it with me. I'm always trying to shit more. It was Quest. Okay. Yeah. Perfect.

I love Quest, but that one protein powder didn't do it for me. Did I ever tell you about when Quest sent me that massive care package? No. They were trying to get you bulked. They're like, this guy's trying to get big. They sent me like $ five thousand dollars worth of stuff fucking go like the box was like the size of this tv yeah did you uh did you consume it all did you sell it on the black market like three months i finished all of it did you really yeah what was

it bars and bars proteins it was gummies yeah it was bars uh the chips, a lot of the chips, like six full packages of the chips, a bunch of shakes, some powders. Dude, and that's what they don't tell you. But eating right is just as important as being in the fucking gym because I'll be in the gym. It's actually more important, bro. It's more important because I would go to the gym while I was like intermittent fasting. I go to the gym in the morning and then not eat until two o'clock.'d be like where are my gates where are my gates you're losing them i'd be fucking looking around with a fucking periscope for my fucking gains if you if you don't eat after the gym it starts to eat away at your muscle exactly it was negative i was turning negative i was

getting emaciated and skinny fat you're actually supposed to uh you're supposed to have six protein meals a day. Six protein meals. Do you hear that, folks? Because. What the fuck is a protein meal? Anything with a lot of protein in it. Yeah. I'm on slump mode right now, man. I'm trying to hold it together.

Why? Just so tired. Why are you so tired? Bro, last night was fucking insane. What? What happened, bro? What did you do do we went to the show at the stand no bro and that shit was insane yeah my special should be up soon an hour and a

half at the stand last how long were you guys up there for an hour hour plus yeah probably hour 20 felt like it felt like 15 minutes yeah and forever I could have stayed up there because when you're in the in the flow state when you're truly in flow state you don't realize you completely lose sense of time of course

no the homies Matt and Shane hit me up the night before the show at 10 o'clock and were like hey do you want to do this show I was like yeah but I'm

as you know if you listen to this show that we're fans of that show so I should have been nervous about it but I didn't really have enough time to be nervous about it. It went good. We told some jokes up on stage. It went very well.

It was very, very funny. I was laughing a lot. Were you? Yeah. But you were laughing out of pride. It wasn't tears of comedy. You were just laughing, just beaming uh a father watching his son at his first dance recital no i was laughing very hard it was very funny tell a joke that tell a joke that was

said then the tag joke bro that prop ass tag that you brought i came out like it runs a big prop comedy guy carrot top he came out with a fire hose of props. Oh yeah. The fire hose joke almost got ruined, kicked out of the stand. Yeah. It was, it was dark.

Um, but I think that, uh, yeah, I think that having props set up could be the fucking way to just going out with a

watermelon and smashing a watermelon. I think would make people die laughing. I think that people would be very into it. Um, but we got to, we got to see like,

it was like a who's who of the show. Fucking Shane Gillis was there. Fucking Tim Dillon we saw after the fact. Yeah, Joe List was there. List was in there. We saw Dan Soder. Big Dan Soder was in the fucking mix. Fucking Gruen came through fresh off lap band surgery.

He fucking flew cross country to say what's up to us in one of the Delta or the JetBlue pods. And he just was in recovery the whole time. We saw Aziz. Aziz Ansari.

Yeah. Yeah. Sash was convinced the entire night that it wasn't him. It was just so weird. You were calling everybody else racist for saying that it was Aziz.

That's just, that's just the Indian guy. No for saying that it was Aziz. That's just the Indian guy. No, yeah. That was really good. That was crazy. That was a fun night. A lot of good comedy going on in New York right now. We're going to see Tim Dillon tonight. Are you?

At the Beacon. Is it a podcast or is it a- Stand up. Stand up? Yeah. And I am just exhausted. How are you going to laugh for him? We got to wake up tomorrow early.

Yeah, for a music video. Yeah gotta fly out to minneapolis and then we're flying to minneapolis that's that fucking grind life though bro we're just fucking grinding dude at all times bro fucking one day we're recording this the next day we were coming to record this we get tired we fucking yawn we overcome people don't like when we yawn but the truth is sometimes you have to yawn i don't yawn no you will be yawning within the next 10 minutes i guarantee i won't i guarantee i'm completely devoid of i'm about to yawn i watch both of you yawn in my face i'm holding one back right now you never try and like yawn with your mouth closed and your uh and your nose pinched it'll come out your eyes. Ew. Try it. Next time you have to yawn,

it'll fucking like eek out of your eye. Okay, now close your mouth. Close your mouth and close your nose. See how your eyelids just float. Yo, did you see how your eyelids just inflated like that?

No, they didn't. They look like the Macy's Day floats at the fucking parade. You're tweaking, bro. I am tweaking, bro. Why are you tweaking right now? Because I'm off a fucking bean right now.

I know. I could use a little something something Yeah A little Adderall Dave let me get in his stash Yeah He was like you've been a good soldier Come in here And he fucking opened up a drawer

And it started glowing like the box The lights came out Glowing like the box in Pulp Fiction It was just like And it was a holy grail of fucking Adderall. Adderall's that they stopped making. It was like the Adderall from 96 that they stopped making back then. The stuff that they used to put in Coca-Cola.

Yeah. The shit they'd sell as a tonic as a traveling salesman. The original Adderall. I just remember that I have a Diet Coke in my backpack and I could use it. Damn, bro. Crack that DC, man. Let's get Jake in here. Crack that DC, man. Let's get Jake in here.

I want that Diet Coke now. I feel like you... What's Jake's role in the show, Owen? How would you name him? Would you call him a producer on the show? No. He's a helping hand at most. Sass has a contentious relationship with Jake. Jake does the YouTube. Jake edits the YouTube.

You like Jake in the way that... You know how when Big Cat says he likes someone, you know he's about to crush him? Yeah. I don't actually have anything against Jake. I consider him a friend, but fuck that, dude. I'm texting Jake right now to tell him to bring me my Diet Coke. I've seen whenever you start clapping at Jake, like you're Cleopatra trying to get one of the like so their foot human footstool to come lay in front of her i feel like that's what you're like with jake you'll just be like jake he's a nice kid and he does what i say older than you he is older than me sorry if i saw someone

kid if they're older than you i like how you call people a kid i'm saying can you go to my desk in the side pocket of my backpack you need a fucking 20 cc's of caffeine stat. This will be good. This will bring me back to life. Yeah. You've been going on people's podcasts too, though, bro. I have been. I went on the podcast with the homies and you went on some podcasts with the homies.

What podcast did you go on? Oh, oh, Man Chains. Blanked out for a second there. Bro, you greening out right now I once again got a bunch of DMs feel being like greening out is a thing Ron's such a fucking moron and then I got one DM oh this one was real funny

bro don't fucking talk about weed if you don't smoke I gotta find this a gatekeeper there was a gatekeeper in our midst yeah he was like I can never find a DM when I'm looking I gotta find this. A gatekeeper? There was a gatekeeper in our midst? Yeah. He was like, I can never find a DM when I'm looking for it, even though I know this was literally today that he DM'd me. How the fuck is that?

Dude, you know what I'm actually tired of? What? Getting DMs from people. Here we go. Saying like, yo, hook me up with Sass. I don't know what that means. Tell your little thoughts to fucking leave me alone this is what this guy says justin says you dumb fuck greening out is not a

thing it's called passing out don't talk about weed if you never smoke you dumb shit and then he said you have no idea what you're talking about but talk with so much certainty you are funny but also really stupid and confidently stupid damn this dude must be fucking pissed i know he's pissed at your perspective that's the funniest thing is that weed people it's so easy to make them just so angry because their their brains are so bad because they're so stupid because of the weed because of the weed exactly yeah we just solved that fucking circle we just closed that loop real fucking quick they get mad because they have bad brains because they've been poisoning their brains with weed all the time yeah and also it's like okay yeah obviously it's it's pat's call it's

passing out but you're passing out from weed also passing out from weed is um bitch made yeah if you pass out from smoking something you're a bitch yeah i mean that's like that's like passing out like blacking out and being like bro there's no such thing as blacking out okay it's called passing out it's like yeah no fucking shit dude it's also just people being like there's no such thing as kleenex it's called tissue it's like they're different names for the same fucking thing like you dumb motherfucker you stupid if you come. So Justin is now an enemy of the show. You must, you best not miss. Do you think weed's addictive? Yes.

I know because I've dealt with Roan's addiction firsthand. Yeah, I broke into a dispensary. Hey Roan, we're gonna miss the flight. Bro, I just gotta roll one up really quick. Real quick. Yeah, Sass found me in the bathroom on a plane one time lighting up a fucking two-gram blunt,

just being like, I fucking need this shit, bro. He was blowing it down the toilet and flushing it. Every exhale just kept on rising back up. I was like, dude, that's not doing anything. Shut the fuck up. Bro, you don't talk about weed if you don't smoke it. You don't fucking know. You've never smoked a fat one on a plane before.

One time I was on a plane ride back from uh sweden with this guy organic who like runs a battle rap league and he was fiending for a cigarette so hard on the plane that he was like dude i'm fuck i'm gonna go smoke one in the bathroom i was like don't do that like that's so fucking dumb he's like that's like a you straight up like the plane lands and they arrest you on the spot. If you do that. And we were over the Atlantic ocean. Yeah.

Like they would have had to land on the iceberg from Titanic to fucking arrest his dumb ass. Yeah. It's fucked. Dude. On that same trip. I, uh, it was like a battle rap competition.

And like, also it must've been the only hip hop thing going on in all of Sweden that year. So like, there were all these like old musical guests, but like Paul Wall. And have you ever heard of Bone Thugs-N-Harmony? Yeah, of course. Dude, I got in the car as soon as I got there, like some other battle rapper was like, dude, let's smoke in the car.

And like it was like someone from Bone Thugs-N-Harmony. And I was just like, so where are you guys from? And they all just looked at me. They're like Cleveland. Like I was the biggest they all just looked at me they're like Cleveland like I was the biggest dickhead of all time they're like headlining this festival and I just look like the biggest fucking idiot of all time

bro if you don't know Bone and Thugs that's on you yeah bro I have one Bone Thugs and Harmony song on my phone I forget what it is this one's for Biggie Biggie this Bone and Busy Busy is that the one I have one Bone Thugs-N-Harmony song on my phone. I forget what it is. This one's for Biggie, Biggie.

This bone and busy, busy. Is that the one? Let's ride, let's ride. But they got so fucked up out in Sweden that they were like falling off the fucking stage. They were shit-faced. Yeah, they have drinking problems. Yeah. This is actually an intervention for Bone Thugs-N-Harmony.

You guys need to get your shit together. And I'm sorry I didn't know your guys' name. Do you know their names now? Busy Bone, Lazy Bone, Crazy Bone. Yeah. You got all three of them. Is that right?

It's Bone Thugs and Harmony. So one of their names is Ann? Yeah, no. Ann is not a person. Ann's their manager. Oh, so Bone Thugs Harmony. Ann is the manager. Bone and Thug are brothers person. And it's their manager. Oh, so Bone, Thug, Harmony. And it's the manager. Bone and Thug are brothers, and then Harmony's their cousin.

And he's the one that harmonizes. He holds them all together. Dude, they were up till like 4 a.m. in the hotel room with this rapper named Disaster. And they really were just harmonizing with each other till like 5 in the morning. The dudes just loved to harmonize. What was one that you were just singing, the with each other till like five in the morning the dudes just love the harmony what is that harmony what was one that you were just saying the biggie smallest one it's bonin biggie biggie it's bonin biggie biggie let's ride let's ride let's get high get high and how does it get high armed and dangerous yeah can't nobody come bang with us Straight up weed no angel dust Label us notorious

Yeah And then I know the crossroads That's what it was Meet me at the crossroads I wish we could play it But we're not gonna get I mean basically what we did Was just as good

Well we're probably gonna get Copyrighted just from singing it You know that's a thing now You get copyrighted for singing songs Yeah if you sing them good You don't even have to sing them good Really that's fucking bullshit i know and good for you i never thought they said that i always thought they said good for you you look happy in hell oh shit like they don't they say hell comma the and they like start a new sentence yeah i thought

that i mean i think that would be cooler. Yeah. So Rodrigo. What's so cool about being like, you look happy and healthy. No. I think it's passive aggression. It is. I think that it's passive aggression in the lyrics.

Yeah. But you're saying that happy in hell. Isn't her boyfriend gay now? Her old, her ex-boyfriend. He is. Yeah. He is. He came out as gay rodrigo's boyfriend yeah

i didn't know also wasn't he like she was like 14 and he was like 30 and they were dating what's wrong dude go to miami that's normal i know all the girls in the miami clubs are 14 go to miami that's just how it is bro like fucking read a book one time read a book about miami one time no i didn't i didn't know that rodrigo was was on that shit no rodrigo was uh no i mean liking gay men oh yeah well i mean they all do she liked she didn't just like a gay man bro she loved a gay man dude you know what pissed me off is when they were trying to call sean mendez gay i'm, bro is not gay. Fucking shut the fuck up, bro.

When him and Hailey Bieber got matching tattoos. It's giving Cher. It's giving Cher. What's up, Jake? Let's get that Diet Coke in here. Thanks, brother. Appreciate you. Oh, yes, sir.

Yeah, where was... Why is it warm? Want a cup? No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm kidding. Thank you. Appreciate it. Jake, you don't have to take his guff, Jake. Shout out, Jake. Shout out. Good, Tyler? Want a cup? No, no, no. I'm kidding. Thank you. Appreciate it. Jake, you don't have to take his guff, Jake.

Shout out, Jake. Good killer. Want a cup? See, now, oh, there's a hair. Yeah, he probably put a pube on it. Oh, damn it, Jake. Dude. He's fired.

Oh, God. Well, he'll be fired by the end of the day. My Diet Coke is warm and there's a hair on it. Have you ever heard of the Ruth Bader Ginsburg, the Supreme Court Justice, and the hair on the Diet Coke thing? This is ASMR. She put her pube on a Diet Coke can or some shit like that. Ruth did? Yeah.

No, she didn't. She did. Well, who was drinking the Coke? An intern. She was sexually harassing them. No way. Facts. There's documentaries about it.

That's crazy. Dude, you need to read more. Is that actually a thing? Yes. How fucking nuts is that? turn she was like sexually harassing them no way facts there's documentaries about that dude you need to read more you need that actually a thing yes how fucking nuts is that also how funny was it yesterday at the show when rome was like trying to fit in with them and he was like i never read he's like i literally don't read it's like when you're coming every day you're like yeah i read a i read a novel about world war one but not the actual war it was another war happening in a local village that's not true at all i haven't i haven't finished a book this year. You think I was trying to fit in with them? Because you're on like that Gary V

shit, like you read one page, but then you read the page like a hundred times and memorize it. I listened to a minute of a book on tape, but fucking for 60 minutes straight, I listened to the same minute of the book on tape. Dude, I was flipping through the fucking 48 laws of power and I came

up. Yeah, exactly. How many books do you Laws of Power and I came up with a book. Yeah, exactly. How many books do you have? Do you have a library in your house? No. Like a small library? Not even. I don't even have a full shelf of books. Damn, really? Even I got a full shelf, brother. Yeah, but you've been on the same Bukowski book for fucking

eight years. I haven't, dude. It's a novel. It's a series. The Bukowski series? Yeah. Is it actually? There was three. And I've read all three of them. Fuck you. Really? I'm actually... I haven't read all three of them. That was a lie. Dude, you're a pathological liar.

I think of myself as an honest man. Always. So I will admit, I'm halfway through post office. And it's taken me a long time to get through it wow bukowski's not as good as they say no he is i just haven't been reading much been watching more i caught a fucking uh on the way up to boston you just reading bukowski in front of the fucking fall how was that well you were just fucking you're just living in the fucking moment bro

just fucking it is a good book yeah you wanted to be seen reading it so bad so bad oh yeah i was looking at twitter after i was like did no one post a picture i got you bro posted me what's going on with that i got some shit we just have to craft the head there's nothing more romantic than reading on a train is that the caption no that's i just came up with that but can i use that or like i need a fucking sweet ass caption for it. It just makes you seem cool. Like I'm like, I feel cool. Not even cool. I saw Nick reading and I was like, well, I'm going to read too. Yeah. He was reading a Kindle, but he was definitely actually reading.

Oh yeah. I mean, he reads all the time. You used to read a hundred pages a day. It shows actually. He's just a smart dude. Because he knows a bunch of big words. Because he's so cool. You have you know how like people will like dude. Cause he knows a bunch of big words. Yeah. I think he's so cool. Gay words. You have a,

you know how like people will like cut into a Bible and put like a whiskey. Yeah. Yeah. You have that with your phone in middle school. You have, you like crack open a book and to make it look like you're reading and you're just scrolling your phone the entire time. Cause cut out. I did that in like,

uh, yeah, I think it was in middle school. I cut a hole and put my eye touch in it did you really sat in class and then i was like well this is dumb as fuck because like i'm sitting there like swiping on the on on the book like obviously i'm i'm doing something that i'm not supposed to be doing cutting a hole in a book is hilarious too how did you cut it with scissors i drew the square or the rectangle with like a pen trace it yeah i traced my phone and then i um just used like an exacto blade i just cut each page individually

like over and over again yeah they should have got on you for having the fucking exacto blade in there well i did it at home oh i thought you were like in class with it i don't know is that never something you got like when i was younger i got like weirdly into like like hidden compartments always like intrigued me you thought you're about to be a spy or something i used to just google like hidden hidden compartments yeah because it's like sick like i like hidden compartments like i would i'm talking about like shit where it would be like a staircase underneath like a yes yeah that's the dream yeah having that in your house, it's sick as fuck. Having a hidden stairway or like a door that's like a bookshelf or some shit like that.

That shit is sweet. Yeah. Or like in heavyweights when they have, they're like, they're sneaking all their candy into their beds. You never seen heavyweights. No. Fuck.

It's about a bunch of kids just like you. Really? Yeah. What do they do? Podcasts? Yeah. a bunch of kids just like you. Really? Yeah. What do they do? Podcasts. Yeah. A bunch of heavy set podcasters who have to try and get slim. I'm bulking up big time right now.

I'm beefy. Are you? I have the metabolism of literally a 90 year old man. It's slow? It's so fucked. I didn't go to the gym for a week and I went hard the week before. Like cardio and weights every day. Yeah. i think i weigh like 200 pounds right now my stomach let's get you on the scale i literally look like a pregnant lady is it uh is it hard or is it soft so soft i know i'm gonna throw up and then if i what kind of breakfast but i can lose the weight so fast

too like if i go to the gym every day for a week i'll have noticeable results it's all like it's all bloating and like too much like sodium and that sounds like fast metabolism friend no but i can gain the weight so fast it's it's insane why don't why not uh introduce a little discipline to your life i know i try but then like we go to the comedy shows and i'm going to do a set tomorrow and it's like what am i supposed to do just go to this comedy club for like 15 minutes and do my set and leave that's what the pros do when i was on the circuit i'd go to five clubs a night really bang bang bang bang bang i do my fucking set and i go home i don't know how people do that

yeah it's insane like you need you because even last night, like watching people like come off stage, it seems so emotionally trying. Like it seems like you're really like living and dying and like in your own head about all the moments and shit like that.

It's like, oh, like this ender did this or like this opener. Dude, when I went down to the bathroom when we were at the Comedy Cellar and Shane was up and he was finishing his set

and like I was in the bathroom and they were like howling, laughing. And then he comes up and he was finishing his set and like i was in the bathroom and they were like howling laughing and then he comes up and he's like that was a fucking disaster he's like there's a group of girls who i could just tell hated me and i was like dude the entire audience was like dying from laughter yeah like one of the hottest names possible yeah overjoyed yeah to see him and uh but motherfuckers are hard on themselves. I know. I relate. Just kidding. After I do a stand-up show, I'm like,

God, that was literally the best set anyone's ever done. I was like, no one has ever crushed like that, ever. After we were at the stand, we went to the comedy cellar. We were Shane's plastic men last night. What do you mean, plastic men?

Just follow him around. Shane, where are we going now? Anywhere else can we go? And we were Shane's plastic men last night. What do you mean? Plastic men. Just follow him around. Oh yeah. Facts. Shane, where are we going now? Where else can we go? And we were getting thoroughly roasted by every comic. They'd be like,

Oh, you're out here with fucking one tree Hill. You're out here. Everybody was just like, Oh, you're out here like chaperoning these little children. Yeah. Everybody had some fucking jokes,

not fucking funny or appreciated. And they would all be like, they, they'd come over and then Shane would be like, what's up and he'd be like this is ron he works for barstool and then he would just like be like this is uh harry and that would be it and you would get so pissed fucking steam started coming out of your ear like a fucking animated well because i get what he meant where he says that I should start going by my real name if I want to do stand-up, and I do appreciate the suggestions, but also it's like if he's trying to introduce me to other comedy people,

just being like, oh, this is Harry doesn't really do much. What do you mean? They're not going to know who I am. So what does that matter? He's just introducing you as a human. No, he wasn't, though. He kept on introducing me to be like he's trying to get into comedy. But you got to start as just your name first

No So he should be like this is Lil Sasquatch Yes That's gonna make him look like a dickhead Why? Cause he's gotta say Lil Sasquatch I mean I agree It makes it seem like he doesn't know you

It's like this is Method Man No it doesn't This is Slim Shady He calls you Roan He doesn't call you Adam But that's like a nickname that I had. That's his name. He was like, this is Prince Baby Roan.

He said that to multiple people. This is hard way, a.k.a. Crisco, a.k.a. the Muffin Man, a.k.a. your grandma's favorite grandson. That's your girl. I don't know. Yeah. And then you. It was a fun night, though. There was chalk on the table.

Yeah. I wrote my name. Which apparently is a big no-no. Even though the table's literally a chalkboard and there's chalk there to write on. He wrote his full name out. So my first thing to do was, I was like, I'm going to write my name. I wrote my name. Like you were etching it into concrete.

And then the owner came over and wiped it off in my face. Not even the owner, the booker. Yeah, it was like she was there on a laptop and uh shane was like hey this guy's trying to get into comedy and he wrote his name on the table she'll be crawling back to me soon enough no he's that's uh this this woman liz uh and she bullied the fuck out of you she walked over and you started to introduce yourself and no i did not like hey i'm harry i wasry i'd love to get an opportunity to be knocked your hand out of the way did not happen she didn't scrub your name out she did scrub my

name out i already said that what did she what did she say and then i said i called chan a pathological liar he said that you wrote your name and you're like no he's lying oh yeah i did say that i said that he wrote his name yeah because you wrote his name next to it. Well, he wrote comic. Pointing at you. Yeah. Yeah. To be even more on the nose.

I took a picture of it. It's going to be hanging in the Louvre one day. I also took a picture of it. Well, you best not show the camera. It's got my full name on it. Well, now we're going to have to blur this out. I thumbs over your name. Oh, is that me writing it? Yeah. gotta get a haircut dude my hair's a mess i hate looking at my side profile makes me want to actually kill myself

damn bro don't uh don't kill yourself bro why did my mom just like send me a picture of my little sister what the fuck mom I already thought I killed myself this morning I did and then I just hopped in the uber and I was like I'll handle that later I was like I gotta go do this podcast I'll handle it

so what was that what was the noise you heard did you not hear it I think it woke me up but I don't know what it was dude it was like the entire apartment like shook and it sounded like it was coming right from your room it sounded like it was coming from a beam it didn't sound like it was coming from above us so it sounded like someone had tied a weight to a beam it was dangling no literally it sounded

like a chair fell and then something like pulled onto the roof i'm dead serious and i was like oh shit have you checked on your other roommate well okay and then, Owen texted me and said he just tried to hang himself from the sprinkler. Did you actually text him that? Yes. But was it to, because you heard that noise? No, I texted him. I was like,

what was that noise? And you said you tried to hang yourself from the sprinkler. But it was spot on. Like, he was joking, but it was, that's what it sounded like. Yeah.

He's a good Foley artist. That's what it is when you're supposed to New York and movies. Fo foley's fine we should start a foley podcast yeah what the fuck what scenario would that have just been those are just all cool sounds we can make i don't know what that would have been like a time like a rainforest cafe someone sneaking into the back like a rainforest cafe. Someone sneaking into the back of a rainforest cafe with murder on their minds. Whatever happened to that guy?

Murder on my mind guy. Is he in prison? Who the fuck is that? Fuck. Who was the guy that wrote the song? Why? Why something? YG?

Melly? Nelly? O'Melly? No. Who are you talking about? The dude who wrote the song about murder. Murder. Tay'Melly? No. Who are you talking about? The dude who wrote the song about murder. Tay-K? No.

He went to jail for killing his friend. Chris Webby? Yes, you're thinking of Chris Webby. You guys are fucking with me. I'm not fucking with you. I don't know the murder on my mind. Burgers and some fries? That was a song by that dude Kale? Dude. When they drove up to the drive-thru and they're like can i get some burgers and some fries y and w melly what what does y and w stand for you don't know you don't know y and w melly you obviously do

you're so up to date on the rap scene bro yes're so up to date on the rap scene, bro. Yes, I am up to date on the rap scene. And you don't know Melly? I have my ganja cigs and I listen to my rap scene. You don't know Murder on... Okay, so the song is literally called Murder on My Mind. Why are you guys acting like I'm fucking insane? I just didn't remember the... It's got almost a billion views on Spotify.

Billion plays. Sing a little bit of it. I can't. I don't know the words. Well, play a little bit of it. I can't. I don't know the words. Well, play a little bit of it. Murder on my mind. I want to kill someone.

Murder on my mind. Is this one of the songs where they just confess to the murder? Oh, yeah. So this is the same tune as the burgers and some fries that. Yeah. Yeah. When they do it. Yeah.

Burgers and some fries. Wait, who did that video? That dude, Kale. Yeah. And his boy, John. Yeah. That was their first thing that went viral. They're hilarious.

Shout out those boys. Shout out Kale and John. They came through New Orleans for Neighborhood Eats when we did the poker shit. Yeah. They're awesome. They're hilarious. Shout out those boys. Shout out Cale and John. They came through New Orleans for Neighborhood Eats when we did the poker shit. Yeah. They're awesome. They're awesome. So what are we doing in Minneapolis this week? We are going up to Minneapolis for a lettuce eating competition.

A lettuce club. Have you ever seen that photo of like lettuce club? No. I told you there was one in my school. Oh, yeah. It's funny as hell. We should do a show while we're up there. Just a live club? No. I told you there was one in my school. Oh, yeah. It's funny as hell. We should do a show while we're up there. Just a live party?

Yeah. That was actually super fucked up that I just said live party. I actually want to kill myself from that. This picture, you've never seen this picture of lettuce club? No. They all just eat a head of lettuce and the winner becomes lettuce club for the rest of the year. They become president of the club. Yeah, of the lettuce club.

Yeah. They become the next Presidente. They become the Presidente of Barstool. Didn't they stole that from El Prez? Presidente? Yeah. I think Presidente Beard definitely stole it from him. He should get like a sponsorship with them. Yeah.

That'd be sick. Frank the Tank's been calling himself John Adams, the second Presidente. Really? Yeah, because he's going to fill in Dave's shoes whenever Dave decides to step to the side. Has he actually said that? Yeah, Frank is planning on taking over all of Barstool. That would be awesome. Yeah, it would.

I would probably lose my job. Somebody sent me the weirdest DM the other day. They were just like dead serious. They're like, hey, have you thought of that you might not have a job in a few years when everyone leaves? Oh, I got that exact same DM. Really? Yeah. They were like, what do you think about the OGs like fights and KFC and Dave, Big Cat, Caleb?

I got the same one. Yeah. They're all getting old. They're like, what do you think about when they're going to get all old and like bar school is going to be nothing? I was like, I don't fucking know, dude. Yeah. I don't know what to say. I was like, bro, I'm young.

I'm young, dumb and having fun. Yeah. I got it. Relax. I got young, dumb,'t fucking know, dude. Yeah, I didn't know what to say. I was like, bro, I'm young, dumb and having fun. Yeah. Relax. I'm young, dumb, full of cum. Yeah. Cum coming out of your eyes, bro. I was like, bro, I'm just trying to have a good ass time. Well, I can't, bro.

I'm here for a good time, not for a long time. Right, bro. Dude, you ever try to cum and then pinch your dick tip and the cum comes out of your eyes? Oh, I love that. That shit is crazy. Usually just comes out of my ass. Like a fountain in italy yeah just like a cum rainbow coming out of that ass boys fucking take pictures of yourselves coming and see which orifice it pops out of next the results might fucking surprise you you gotta try that the the girls podcast i did earlier natalie cuomo was

woman you mean a woman sorry the women's podcast that i did it no you said the women's podcast it wasn't a women's podcast but it was a woman's podcast okay the girls podcast who i did earlier uh natalie cuomo was showing us her dms that she got this weekend and it was a dude who like wanted her to like make fun of him and she sent him like like 70 or he sent her like 75 dick pics and they were like like one of them was like his balls wearing glasses what what dude it was one of the crazy and then he sent like pictures of like it just like his face what super weird yeah yeah yeah i think that we say a lot of things are super weird and they actually aren't but uh no it was really weird that one is it was really weird yeah i don't know why dudes uh the balls on the glasses was kind of funny though that is funny i know it is

genius but at the same time the harass i mean just uh i don't know why dudes uh send so many so what they want to like this distribute their penis just, I don't know why dudes send so many, they want to like distribute their penis so badly. I don't know. Motherfuckers want to distribute their penis. Can't relate, bro. Yeah, bro. Can't relate.

Bro, this shit is staying. Any other goofy ones? Anything else? No, that was basically it. They didn't dress it up like the Renaissance Fair or like the two balls are like jousting. The Twin Towers. And then there's like a lady in like the penis tower or something like that that they're fighting for. Have you ever seen that penis art from a while ago?

There used to be fucking... The guy on TikTok. There used to be a show on HBO called Puppetry of the Penis. Dude, there... You know what I'm talking about. Tip, tip, shaft, tip. You know that guy? No. Oh, dude.

I wrote a blog about this.'ll pull up the tiktok because it is fucking funny you write blogs it's like the only time i ever wrote a blog this guy's penis has to get covered no literally it's one of the funnier things i've ever seen the you gotta listen to the audio because someone was like how did you paint that like there's like a painting behind him there's a painting behind him in the video and he's like the someone like commented and they were like did you paint that and he was like yeah i did and then he and then he goes and he zooms it on the painting and he's like tip tip shaft tip and it's like it's just like everything is just his like the tip of his penis like pressed up against the canvas or like the shaft what

and there's like a big explosion of paint one in one spot and he's like you don't want to know how this got here i'll show you and he sells them oh my god he's gonna he's dm me like a hundred times yeah he's probably gonna dm me again after this we should buy one a penis painting i think they're like 45 dollars building nah bro fuck that bro i don't want some guy's on my wall Some guys dick pain on my fucking wall That's the last thing I need right now With my fucking mental state Are you good?

Another man's penis all over the fucking wall Are you good bro? No thanks bro Yo open up to us People want to hear more about the Roan life Bro I just told you about how i fucking confused busy bone with fucking a random swedish guy we want more bro bro you couldn't handle the fucking stories i've got bro coming up in the fucking hip-hop game shit was fucking crazy bro where

is this if i wasn't overdosing and getting jumped every weekend, I didn't know where I was, man. Oh, here we go. All right. Give me a second. All right. This is a perfect time to do one of our ad reads. We are sponsored by Revitalite. Today's episode is brought to you by Diet Coke.

Diet Coke and Revitalite and hand sanitizer. All right. Ready? We're still washing our hands over here. Wait. Brought to you by Diet Coke Diet Coke and Revitalite And hand sanitizer Alright ready We're still washing our hands over here Wait fuck Fuck bro this shit doesn't sound like the right shit bro No that wasn't it that wasn't it Where is this? This does not sound correct bro

Why does he not have the I could just clean this up Yeah this is actually dead air bro This is fucking killing me bro Fuck Fuck Yeah, this is actually dead air, bro. This is fucking killing me, bro. Fuck. Fuck. Hey, hey, oh. Hey, hey, oh.

Oh, no. I think he deleted his account. Oh, no, bro. Well, that's a bummer. What a big hype up for nothing. Sorry, guys. Kind of just shit the bed on that, didn't I? Yeah.

I don't know why you did that, bro. We're trying to have a fucking smooth show right now. I'll just cut it. Actually? Yeah. Yeah, it's fine. I mean, I was looking forward to showing it. It's a hilarious video, but I guess he deleted it.

I mean, it's also a podcast. Yeah, but I just wanted to play the audio so you could hear him go, Dick, tip, tip, shout, tip. That doesn't sound funny. It is so funny um i wonder why he deleted his account maybe it was affecting his probably because he was painting with his cock yeah and well he was a cock painter or maybe they deleted it for him saying like you can't paint with your cock oh that's most likely what happened on our platform people paint with their like period blood ew yeah but they're women okay you do Ew, dude. Don't say that. Girls don't do that.

Girls don't have periods. And if they do, it doesn't bleed. No. It comes out just a fucking nice, a tidy cube. A fucking glowing cube that just fucking, a shiny white cube that pops out.

And you touch it, it's like auto-tune, like Land of the Lost. Yeah. Throw it in the trash. It's just an LED cube that like depending on their mood it comes out a little bit

of a different color. It's like how men like men's foreskin grows back every month and you have to go to the doctor to get it trimmed. Yeah.

Or just like you'll get a like a Caesar you'll get like a tight fade on your foreskin. Or you can let it grow to an afro.

Cultivate this shmegma like in some- Really grow out the tip. Yeah. Like a white dude with dreadlocks. Just don't wash that tip. No. That's the best way. You just don't wash the fucking tip, bro.

I can't believe we got to go to New Jersey tomorrow morning, dude. That's going to suck. We got to put this whole music video thing behind us. I don't think you'd ever make it in the music video game. Oh, definitely not. I also don't have a suit, which is going to be a problem. So tell me I got to have a suit. Suit?

Yeah. You got to wear a suit? Yes. That's fucking stupid. I'm going to have to borrow one of yours. You're going to have to bring me a suit. My shit is tailored to my body. You're going to be swimming in it, bro.

Got to do what you got to do. Bro, you to be swimming in it, bro. Gotta do what you gotta do. Bro, you couldn't fill out my fucking suit. I'm going to actually have to use yours. You're going to actually have to bring me a suit. Just go buy one. I'm not going to go buy a suit. Why? Because they're like $700.

Not all suits go to Nordstrom Rack. Okay, so they're $300. Go to just buy a suit jacket. Wear some pants. I don't want to spend. I'm saying you're going to expense it. I'm going to give you a company card. You're going to go do it. No, because I don't even have time to do that. Time?

No, because we're going to the comedy show right after this ends and then we're going at 8am tomorrow. Just bring me a jacket. Bring me a jacket. I don't even know if I have a jacket. And plus, I'm a 48 long, bro. You're not going to be able to fit me. I'll be able to fit in it we'll make it work the sleeves will completely eclipse your hands no they won't you're gonna

be like the exact same size i'm bigger than you i'm way more ripped than you and jacked than you that's not true at all yeah and i'm taller than i had three eggs this morning dude i used to have i used to have eight eggs a day i had three i had three shot glasses just do you see that dude uh drinking like 85 shot glasses of eggs? The liver king. Yeah, I feel like the liver king every time that I eat three eggs. He can't breathe. He's gonna have a heart attack. Of course.

His veins are bursting out of his skin and he's on so much steroids. You don't get that big from just eating liver. And the cholesterol in that many eggs. I mean, this poor man's cholesterol. Dude, his sardines and lard must be like the cholesterol in that many eggs. I mean, this poor man's cholesterol. Dude, he has like sardines and lard. His blood must be like the same texture as like toothpaste.

It's just barely moving through his body. He just has to squeeze it out. He just massages his arms just to get some blood flow in his hands. Yeah, push blood to his limbs. Dude, we should. You said you'd never gotten a massage before? Yeah, and I don't want want to i thought you just said you want one you're like i want one for my back i don't want to get a massage until i'm jacked you got a new i don't want the i don't want the

masseuse seeing me that you don't want them to have to go through that now you don't think my gross ass stomach you don't think they have my disgusting body yeah i don't think they give you a tummy rub in the fucking massage spot i'm gonna get liposuction like kanye did kanye get it yeah he's like i didn't i didn't feel like working out so i got liposuction smart i had a teacher who used to get liposuction like once a year what was his name i don't remember it wasn't my teacher he just worked at the school you say he yeah so it was a dude yeah that's so sick i don't normalize the dudes getting fucking liposuction i feel like it's most commonly dudes if i had to guess i'd say it's mostly women no women are held to a much

more stringent body standard than men i don't know you don't know i guess i just have the opposite opinion oh really i guess it's just i hold myself to such a high standard and i would never hold a woman to the same standards dude when, when I was outside the comedy cellar, there was this dude who I know that has worked at the comedy cellar having a conversation with a girl while we're smoking a joint. It was her first time at the comedy cellar. Oh, yeah. You told me about this. She was like, I think that like, you know, I love comedy, but there's just some things I won't tolerate jokes about. And he was like, won't tolerate jokes?

And he was like, like what? And she was like, rape. What the fuck? It's a deep conversation. They just got in a massive argument about him saying like, rape jokes are like, you can joke about anything. And she was just telling him like,

no, like it's not okay. And she like put her hands on mine his shoulder and she's like as cis white males i'm pretty sure your opinion's a little less valid than mine on this one and she just sunned on she white yes she was a cis white female but she that that just like that one sixth that she had on us she she fucking dunked on our dumb asses. Oh yeah, she did. I didn't even have an, I didn't even say an opinion on it. I just let them kind of have their argument out. Yeah, you were out there for a bit.

Motherfuckers like to argue in public in New York. People are always trying to like be at a dinner party, like arguing over like fucking like some philosophical, like, and I guess people, have you ever heard the saying that like uh like small minds talk about people medium-sized minds talk about events and big minds talk about ideas yeah i've heard that now hey you've heard it as i've said it yeah and my point is that i think that they're trying to like be or whatever big minds i doubt that's exactly what it is but that they're trying to like talk about ideas but like like, I'm just not really for that in a public setting. Like people are just trying to like fucking hash out their fucking philosophical difference at the, to like appear like intellectuals in public.

Yeah. I mean, also it's like, if you're that girl and you're going to that comedy club, like you, she's, she was looking to get into that conversation. Yeah. And she hadn't, she had just gotten there. Hadn't even seen a single comic. Yeah. And she's already saying like, these are the jokes I want.

There's like things I won't tolerate jokes about. And what if you don't tolerate it? What's your, what's like, what are you going to do? Is she going to kill everyone in the comedy club? Yeah. She was like, I don't tolerate those jokes. And she just pulled up her shirt to show a 45 on her waist. Yeah, yeah.

I don't tolerate jokes like that. All right, son. I'm going to clean these streets. She's a taxi driver. Yeah. She got I don't tolerate jokes like that, alright son? I'm gonna clean these streets. She's a taxi driver. Yeah, she got the street sweeper on her. You're talking to me. I've never finished Taxi Driver. Yeah, neither have I.

We've talked about that. We should finish it. We should just live stream it one day and react. Yeah, bro. We gotta start putting out different types of content. It's a slow burn. What is? Taxi driver. We have a vlog kind of thing coming out tomorrow. Yeah, that'll be cool. Yeah, it is funny. I watched

it. It's very funny. Is it? Yeah, the bowling scenes are hilarious. Why? Because we're so fucking good? No, just the way Tyler edited it was really good. Like heavy metal music in the background. It looked gnarly? It does. It made us look like men? It does. Fuck yes. I think me and you had by far the least athletic uh bowling stances out of everyone well fuck them bro we're definitely

me i threw overhand now yours was still better than mine really you flipped your hand over yeah i mean kb threw with both hands and still managed to look more athletic yeah bet she was whack i should have just practiced spinning the ball. I want to spin a bowling ball so bad. Dude, I was, like, getting good. Like, I want to go back. Like, I would do it again because I honestly, we should go when we were in Minneapolis.

It's nothing else to do in that cold-ass city. We should try and bowl in every major city. Yeah. We should find a way, like, this was like a- Bro, let's make a fucking bowling movie. Yes, dude. Let's make this an a fucking bowling movie. Yes, dude. Let's make this an empire. Barstool bowling.

Yeah. Dude, yes. Sponsored by Revitalite and Diet Coke. That'll be fucking sick, bro. And we're just fucking in there bowling. Do ad reads in between frames. Yeah. We're just wearing shirts and shit like that.

Fucking hanging out with fat boys. Yeah. Hanging out with the fucking fat homies. Does anybody else want to bowl here? Yeah. Bowling. Bowling brought to you by High Noon and Carl. And what is the gay sex toy website? Cake. Cake?

Yeah. And cake. Wait, what makes them gay sex toys? They're pocket assholes. What's gay about that? Because it's a man's asshole. How do you know? It's a lot dirtier. A few hemorrhoids. What's gay about that? Because it's a man's asshole. How do you know? It's a lot dirtier. It's a lot more hairy.

What's the difference between a man's asshole and a woman's asshole? Brother, have you been down there? Bro, have you ever seen an asshole before? A man's asshole? Have you ever seen your own asshole? You look in your asshole in the mirror? Yeah. You put your head on the counter and spread your asshole like you're on your own asshole you look in your asshole in the mirror yeah you put your head on the counter and spread your asshole like you're on the casting couch and

look in the mirror sounds like you would do though i'm asking you check each other's i don't i never seen a man's asshole freak so you can gender a man by their asshole that's what you boys are saying wow you're about to get kicked off this show for good. You know that assholes have taste buds in them. No, they don't. You tried to tell me that something else has taste buds in it, too. It's the asshole. And I'm going to look this up right in your face because I'm tired. You know what does have taste buds in it?

Dat chat. This episode is brought to you by dat chat. It's not. Eh, we'll throw in a little. If you're worried that taste is about to become more anal and testicular than oral pastime, the taste receptors in your anus and testicles... You have taste receptors in your anus and testicles. This is the headline from foodbeast.com.

Science says testicles and anuses have taste receptors. Oh, wasn't that... Time to invest in bacon condoms. Weren't people on TikTok like dunking their balls and stuff and saying they could taste it? Probably. Bro, do you have a... Do you have a...

The Barstool film team coming out to film Saturday's video? What do you mean? Are the Mikes filming Saturday's video? No. Who's filming it? Rob and them. Why?

Just me and Mike are just hatching it out like he's pissed. What's he saying i'm kidding i bet he is pissed though he is taking fuck so you weren't kidding no he's joking i don't think he actually cares what's he saying he said uh he said they replaced the mics with the esteemed branded content team for saturday's video sounds like he's negging the boys and i said god damn did they really and he hasn't opened it yet.

Can't believe you guys ditched the mics. Why'd you ditch the mics? I didn't ditch the mics. It was a corporate decision. I pitched the mics. They ditched the mics. I'm trying to get hitched to the mics. Why did they ditch the mics?

They're trying to nix the mics. Why? They're not trying to nix the mics, but they're trying to skip the mics. Okay. All right. Why don't they have them the mics do it? I think because the mics are doing Tuesday and they just want to like, I got to run flip to edit this way or that way.

Or maybe they just want to, they, they know that I fucking get loose on these trips with the fucking corporate card. And they're like, I want to go to the fucking, I want to go to the steakhouse too. Yeah.

Yeah. Branded content teams probably like, I want to get a fucking club at, at a park to get out there, run up a check. Yeah. I want to get a table at bounce in Minnesota and and fucking spend saturday fucking hanging from the chandeliers like i do on every fucking trip nobody fucking ruth chris ruth's crit what is it called no we

did go to ruth's chris on my birthday yes on your 21st bro we're gonna have to we're totally gonna have to mess with owen since it's gonna be his first trip with the big boys. Went on a trip like last week with you guys? No, bro. This is gonna be the first big one, though. Minneapolis. You meet the mics yet? Yes. One. In Philly. Bro, you didn't meet the mics.

That's a wrong mic. That's a different mic. These are different mics. These are the other mics. Didn't he edit too, though, you were saying? In Philly? Yeah. Wasn't he edit too, though, you were saying? In Philly? Yeah. Wasn't he working on your wedding video? The tall one?

No, no. You're thinking of a different one from Philly. The one from Philly that came out to the show. Yeah. That wasn't one of them. That was a different mic. God damn. He was my best man in my wedding, but that's a whole other mic.

How many mics are you very close friends with uh like 15 or 16 no he's like it's serious oh yeah i am serious okay because i've hung out with so that mic that we saw when we were in philly he was also there when i was there with roan and we end the other two mics and we should do a speed dating episode with all the mics. They each get five minutes on the podcast. That's what I said. I said, or we should just all, we should give all of them a mic and just have a 16 person podcast.

They already have mics. Mics on mics. Yeah. Mics on mics. They should get their own show. Hot mics. Ooh. Hot mics.

Yo, a dating show with the mics. Save this, bro. Save this. I don't want anyone stealing these ideas. Wait, what do you mean save it? We have to say it right now so it becomes our intellectual property. That's how intellectual property is sown. Actually,

fuck, Barstool owns it now. We gotta fucking say it off, Mike. So fucking Barstool can't get their fucking hands out of our pocket. Can't get their greasy hands on it. Yeah, they're gonna just try and fucking just work us to the bone and say, whoop, we'll take that. Yeah. Yep.

Boink. Did you like your live show? We'll take all that money. Sorry, Miss Erica. We'll try harder next time. It's the network, bro. The fucking network. That's what I was going to say.

They fucking eat. They eat off our hard work. We're out in the fields all day fucking harvesting. Bro, next time they say we need troops in Minneapolis, I'm going to say, fuck your troops. Get your own troops then. But of course, Sassy's got to go out to Minneapolis and hold it down just for the fans. You said that we were going to go to the police station they burned down out there? No.

I would never say that. That's what you said. Oh, yeah. No, I said that we were going to go to the place where they trained the 9-11 pilots. Yeah, the 9-11 pilots. It's crazy how much shit went down in Minneapolis. I know. It's a hot spot.

Same with Colorado. Colorado has like all the bad shit went down out there, too. What, just shootings? Yeah, like every or a ton of shootings. But also, no bad shit goes down in new york well historically don't jinx it bro oh except for except for not okay yeah but outside of that oh you're forgetting a pretty fucking big one fuck cut cut that cut that part bro yeah cut that. I can't have my FDNY brothers fucking finding out that I forgot that. How was that?

What? When you went out, didn't you go to dinner with a bunch of the fire department guys? There was one fireman, one cop. And they checked your wallet to make sure you weren't vaxxed. Yeah. Like, whoa, whoa, whoa, bro. Your card's fake, right? Yeah, what the hell is this?

They checked my card to make sure it was fake. Yeah. How was that Good time Good bro I love the firefighters Staten Island No bro

Breezy guys right No bro Oh Rockaway Oh fuck Rockaway It's right by Breezy But

Close enough bro You gotta get out We gotta get out To fucking Rockaway bro They love you out there But you gotta fight You gotta fight on the boardwalk Just to get to the pub that they go to.

Really? Yeah. You have to like brawl out on or underneath the boardwalk. And it's like long fights, too. It's not like a little brawl and people get involved. Like people get thrown off the boardwalk. It's like walk back up around the block crying. Crying like Kyle Rittenhouse.

Just fucking sobbing. Should we have a Kyle Rittenhouse segment? No. Okay, Lib. I think you're the Lib. I think you're actually the Lib, bro. How does that sound? You're a fucking snowflake. No, bro. You're a fucking

woke cancel culture mob, bro. No, you're a woke cancel culture mob. No, I'm not a woke cancel culture mob, bro. I'm fucking the real deal mob. I'm fucking a medic, bro. I'm not cancel culture. I'm fucking here to save people, and I also have a gun. You ski, Ron? Coke?

Yeah. Dude, we're going skiing. We're going to do a trip. Yeah, I think Harry and I are going to go to the Adirondacks if you'd like to come. Wait, we are? Yeah. I meant more and I are going to go to the Adirondacks if you'd like to come. Wait, we are? Yeah, I meant more, I'm trying to go out west. I'm trying to go to Big Sur. I can afford that.

Bro, in the company car, bro. I'm talking about running shit. Oh, bro. Let's get a fucking chalet. Let's get ourselves an entire chalet and fucking just do a little ski up thing where like our backyard is on the side of the mountain. Yeah, yeah. A gondola comes and pitches up there. A gondola comes and picks us up every 10 minutes.

Yeah, a gondola, bro. Some shit like that. That would be so fun, dude. Or like snow tubing, bro. I'm just trying to be fucking getting some speed down a mountain without the risk of losing my life. Oh, the risk of losing your life makes it more fun. Does it? I'm good as fuck at skiing.

It's the only thing I've ever been good at. It is crazy how some people who are not athletic will wind up being athletic on yeah like i can just like buzz down double black diamonds and i'll go like so fucking fast i think it's it's just like so uh mental skiing yeah probably yeah they say if you're looking at the trees you're like don't hit a tree don't hit a tree guess what you're thinking about the trees and you're gonna hit one yeah i never hit a tree i never really fucked with it i mean skiing trees in i don't know what it's like out west but i imagine it's much different than in the east but skiing trees in the east it's like very very tight like the trees are not it's not like spread out

yeah that sounds terrible yeah and scary and i don't like to be scared. And it's also very icy. I don't know why I imagine the West is just all powder. Yeah. Fluffy pow. Yeah. Pow. Fat ass pow. Yeah. My problem was my entire life I've had baby giraffe legs that are like fucking wobble

as soon as I like start going fast. I can tell from the bowling. Yeah. My shit is A, I need to stretch more, but B, my shit is just fucking weak. Yeah. What do you mean? Don't you do yoga? And so now that I need to stretch more, but B, my shit is just fucking weak. Yeah. What do you mean? Don't you do yoga? And so now that I've been doing these, it's not yoga.

I mean, I need to get back into yoga, but all the places I'm trying to go are closed. But I do a women's fitness, and dude, the women are all about getting their core right and all about getting their legs strengthened up. So I'm trying to come out with a fucking bubble butt and some fucking stable knees. Fuck yeah. Like a twerk all-star and fucking zoom down that mountain i'm trying to get back into yoga though but that's what i wanted to do that's the way to never have pain in your life yeah i did yoga once and i sucked at it i could see that really bad

were you sweating up a storm no because i just like couldn't do anything so i kind of just like sat on the mat yeah so you didn't and like rolled around yeah i don't see you pushing yourself per se no not in yoga no it's kind of like a girl's thing yeah you push yourself in man things like fucking like lifting weights and skiing yeah i'm more into like extreme sports yeah like fucking skydiving and bungee shit yeah would you ever bungee jump no i would never skydive either yeah because you're you need some fucking tea bro you need to get some fucking, some tea to fucking up your risk tolerance. I need some growth hormones. Yeah, bro.

Pinch that nose, bro. See if some cum comes out of your asshole. I'm exhausted, dude. You think this episode was good? Yeah, yeah. Dude, it's a free episode. This shit is bonus shit. We're doing this for the fucking, I feel like the fourth member of this show show or whatever you want to call it sixth member of this show is the fucking fans bro

whenever i'm sitting in here talking i'm just like you guys are my fucking homies we're kind of just shooting the shit at this point yeah very free flowing we want it to feel like free flowing but it is all planned out and these are all segments that we do. Just off camera, we have prep sheets that we have written down. And God, are they detailed. Cue cards. Owen's just running through cue cards the entire time. Yeah, holding up cue cards. And he handwrites them.

We want him to handwrite them. It's way easier. Because also, that's how Lauren does it. Yeah. Lauren loves to have the cue cards out for the folks. Lauren's a red Sharpie guy. Yeah, he is. Oh, and who's the new guy at SNL that you saw at the stand?

Aristotle Atari. Did I tell you about this already? The Instagram story thing? No. They were like... Is he Greek or Japanese? I don't know. No clue. He was apparently, he was like on SNL just talking about how he was engaged and then he got hired at SNL and he just like left his fiancee to go to snl

and then they were like they were talking about like the three new people were doing like a q a on the snl instagram story and it was like they were like talking about the first question was like where were you when you got hired at snl and like what was your reaction blah blah and like one of them was like oh i was i was eating dinner with my family and the other one was like oh i was at the bookstore or something like that and then his was like he was like um i was doing this like thing for my wedding and then he just like stopped or he was like i had like a wedding thing and then he was like stopped or he was like I had like a wedding thing and then he was like yeah it was cool

like he was super uncomfortable and I never would have put those pieces together unless you told me about it no it was a really bizarre set he like went up there and like didn't really tell any jokes it was like 10 minutes straight he was just like I don't know if I'm still gonna marry my fiance and then he was like didn't he say he hadn't like, I don't know if I'm still going to marry my fiance.

And then he was like, didn't he say he hadn't even talked to her since he left for SNL? Yeah, he's like, I don't know. It's like pretty bad. And the whole room is just silent. So it sounds like he just wanted to leave his fiance and he's using SNL as an excuse for that. Yeah, he doesn't even like comedy.

He was just trying to find something to get him to the East Coast. I feel like if you get hired at a job like that, that's something that you could work out and they could both move to New York. Yeah, what? It's like a life-changing experience. Actually, babe, you got to stay home for this one.

Sit this one out. And actually, I don't want to be with you anymore. Also, the fact that he hasn't spoke to her, don't you think they would connect maybe after his first show on SNL? Like, yeah, good job. Let's get them on the pod. I want to fix them.

I would fix them too. I'd love a fixer up project. Yeah. It would make me feel, give me a sense of accomplishment. Yeah. Or we could just destroy them. Like a rent. Oh yeah.

Yeah. But I want to give them a chance. Trick them into saying slurs. So he gets kicked off of SNL. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Or like get them fucked up or like put something like truth serum in them or something like

that and be like, which ethnic group do you hate the most? Yeah. Oh, he, yeah. Or like get them fucked up or like put something like truth serum in them or something like that. And be like, which ethnic group do you hate the most? Oh, he also did. He brought like a glass of whiskey on stage. I hate that. Oh, yeah. You're not Dave Chappelle, bro. You're not Chappelle. Beer is fine.

But whiskey is pretentious? Yeah. Because I imagine him sitting up there like swirling it around. So I left my wife, Russ and Al. It's like, yeah, they take the last sip and like roll their eyes and they're like who is the dude we were talking to at this at uh the seller who was like uh in brooklyn like all they want to hear is like a thought-provoking concept like you don't need to tell what was that guy's name he was hilarious i'll pull it up right now yeah he was

super nice dude was he a philly dude yeah i should have him on anthony moore anthony moore yeah he was really fucking funny but he was like uh in in Brooklyn, they just want you to like- Yeah, he's like, they don't care about jokes. They just want to have like a concept. And I feel like that's what you're saying this guy was doing. Yeah, I guess. Like he was just trying to talk about, I guess, the concept of- That was hilarious.

Leaving someone- Yeah, it's more just like a discourse than like- The way he talked about Brooklyn made it seem like there's like a blast radius of like how woke people are through Brooklyn. And it's like,'s like a blast radius of like how woke people are through Brooklyn. And it's like, you're at ground zero of how fucking woke people are, what kind of shit they'll like tolerate. And then the farther out from there, it's like, they'll actually want to hear jokes. Now you live in Brooklyn.

Where's like, where's like the peak of that? I've heard so much different shit though. I've heard people be like, oh, don't do comedy in Brooklyn. Like it's the woke, everyone's woke over there. And then I've heard people be like, oh, you got to go out to Brooklyn it's the woke everyone's woke over there then i've heard people be like oh you gotta go to brooklyn like the mics are so much better out there like it's a much funner scene well those are probably woke people that are telling you that no i don't think so i've heard it from like multiple different sides of comedy brooklyn has like two and a half million people it's like massive so it's like you can't talk about it like a monolith like anything it's not like all brooklyn is exactly the same

yeah there's probably parts of brooklyn like there's probably the mics in uh like bushwick or something that are like that are more woke or like i don't know if it's maybe williamsburg when i got booed off stage i was in uh where was that westville you got what boot off stage did you no may as well have been oh yeah yeah yeah and they when they tried to make me out like i was some fucking monster first of all let's get something clear drugging someone is not funny oh they got bit they got mad at you because i'm told because i said the ari shafir thing you're reporting the news you can't report the news it's like my second time doing it over my oh and you were there for that right yeah i was that was my second time ever doing it and people got mad and the host

comes up and he's like let's get something out of the way where was it there's nothing funny about what was the venue said westville right or is it eastville i said i don't westville like a fucking uh eastville eastville comedy club held brook. It's a good mic. It's... Yeah. One of the better mics that I've done, but it's so far away. Someone actually just asked me to do a show in Brooklyn, and I'm probably not going to do it because I don't want to go to Brooklyn. What's wrong with Brooklyn, bro?

It's like a whole day to get over there. It's really not. It's like 45 minutes. No, it's not. It is. Especially where this is. I'm looking at where this is. This is 30 minutes from us right now.

Oh. 30 minutes. 34 minute drive. And it's 10 minutes to get to my apartment, bro. And it's 33 minutes on the subway. So it's 40, it's 45 minutes exactly. You're being a fucking child, bro. No, you're being a child.

You need to cut your cut your fucking teeth in brooklyn i'm over with i'm over this pod bro i'm gonna go work with i'm gonna go work with shane and matt yeah right bro you're you're lucky to get time with tommy smokes bro hey tommy want to do a sketch with me shane pulled me inside yesterday and he was like dude if we knew you were gonna be here like we wouldn't have had fucking ronan i was like i know i was like i'm just trying to let the kid if we knew you were going to be here, we wouldn't have had fucking Roan on. I was like, I know. I was like, I'm just trying to let the kid have his moment. You were just being humble in the crowd.

I was like, come on, Shane, bro. That's the prince. Come on, bro. He needs this. That's the muffin. What do you call yourself? The muffin man? Crisco. Hard white. No, that's the first or the second battle I had. Could you... Oh, sorry. Continue. No, some guy just called himself hard white. No, that's the first or like the second battle I had. Could you, uh, oh, sorry. Continue.

No. Some guy just called himself hard white. That's so funny. Could you, uh, could you hear us laughing in the crowd? No. Did you hear Greer? No. Oh, Greer is like the most noticeable laugh when he really gets going.

Wait, there was one point of the show where you laughed like very hard and you were the only person laughing. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know what joke it was. I laughed at something that I i think matt said but i think he like mumbled it and i like burst out laughing yeah it was funny no one else laughed i was the only person there that laughed i felt like i was dude he's fascinating matt is yeah yeah i think so too you know the scene in the joker where he laughs like all the wrong stuff that was you it was that but it was funny so i legitimately think of a sense of humor as like

like a sense like vision or like um or like smell or like taste where it's like having a broad sense of humor like is way more appealing than having an acute sense of humor same with having a sense of taste like if you only like one thing like you don't have a good sense of taste. You have like a bad palate. Like if you find a lot of things funny, if you find things funny that other people don't think is funny, I think that means that you have like a broad and therefore a good sense of humor.

Yeah. Okay. Let's end the pod. That was nice. But do you know what I'm talking about? No, bro. Keep going. Keep spitting. These are the conversations I was having outside smoking a joint. I feel like I was going to say something else, though, about last night. I forget what it was, though. I don't know.

What the fuck was it, bro? I don't know. It was a fun time, though. We should do shows at the stand. We saw the dude, Devin Costa, who we- Oh, yeah. He was super funny. Yeah, he was a bunch of funny-

Well, he didn't do comedy, but his videos are funny. He has a lot of funny videos. He's done some shit with Tinder. That one that he did was so super funny. Yeah, he was a bunch of funny. Well, he didn't do comedy, but his videos are funny. He has a lot of funny videos. He's done some shit with Tim Dillon. That one that he did was so fucking funny. What, about the podcast? Oh, what about when you got iced outside? What? Oh, with a picture?

Yeah, this girl came up to us and she was like, I was talking to Tim Dillon. She comes up to us and she's like, can I get a picture with you guys? And I kept on being like, too And she'd be like yeah And she was like yeah yeah can I get a picture with both of you She actually DM'd me after and was like I got so nervous I'm sorry I boxed you out of the picture And then her friend comes over And she like gives me the camera

I already had the girl's phone To take the picture of me this girl and Tim And then her friend comes over And goes, actually, can you take another picture? Like, like basically being like, we don't want you in this photo. And I was like, I'm taking it. She's like, oh no, it could be like a little competition. Who takes the better one? And then her friend and then the girl DM me and she was like, I'm sorry.

But it was really, it was, uh, it was mortifying to not be in every picture. Timmy ran with that one oh yeah he loved it yeah I would love it too yeah I would love it too no I didn't care about not being in the picture

yeah I'm sure you did it I didn't but the one opportunity bro if people are going to take pictures without me in them and then I got that banging ass video of me

asking him for a picture did you put that out on the internet yet yeah I put it out last night on twitter yeah 100k likes likes me asking him for a picture. Did you put that out on the internet yet? Yeah, I put it out last night. On Twitter? Yeah. Numbies? 100k. Likes. Likes? Yeah. Went viral.

Nothing fires me up more than Numbies. I feel like I just got a fucking shot of Narcan in my chest whenever fucking Numbies come across. If we want to keep on going back to Pulp Fiction, what do they put in the girl's chest? Was it Narcan? Yeah. Yeah, fuck yeah. Don't ever doubt yourself, bro. You got it right, what do they put in the girl's chest? Narcan. Was it Narcan? Yeah. Yeah, fuck yeah.

Don't ever doubt yourself, bro. You got it right the first time. I didn't know if Narcan was relatively new or if they had Narcan in the 90s. Might have just been adrenaline. What would Narcan do if you weren't on drugs? Might kill you. No, it was definitely Narcan. Was it?

Yeah. There's going to be someone in the fucking... Don't talk about Pulp Fiction unless you know everything about Pulp Fiction. I love how you guys try and act like you're so certain when you're so wrong. I like how you try to act like you know about Tarantini when you

don't know shit about Tarantini. Like you were saying, comedy, you should have a wide taste. I feel like Tarantino fans only watch Tarantino. Yeah, it's like a pretty obnoxious group of fans. I like Wes Anderson. I like his movies just fine as well, but I think that some people, like when

when Logic the rapper put out that one album. What was that noise? Did something just die? No, they're both on. When Logic the rapper put out that album and there was a skit that was like, this album was fueled by

cigarettes and Tarantino movies. Oh, jeez. Oh my God. His little sketches are the worst. Yeah, they're bad. Made me want to call that hotline. For sure. Alright, should we wrap it up?

I just want to be alive. This was a gift. This podcast was a gift to you, the listener. I apologize that I was on slump mode, but I think it's okay.

Don't apologize. No, you fought through, bro. Really nice with no ads. Yeah. Yeah. It feels good.

But though I love our advertisers like no other. And I have a great- Especially Dat Chat. And especially BetterHelp. Especially BetterHelp. Those are the fucking homies. And Bare Bottom.

Yeah. Cut all this out. No, no, no. Keep this in. Keep this in. We're doing free ads right now. But you do actually love BareBottom. I do love BareBottom. But I'm saying we're just like tipping the cap to them.

They're not advertising here, but we want to tip the cap to them. Well, let's tip the cap to some other advertisers that we want. Actually, maybe these advertisers could just send us the money on the side. Yeah. Yeah. Hit us up. We got new banking information we want to get going. Yeah.

Barstool actually has a hold us. So we just wanted to be the ones to specifically for this show. We're doing this rev share thing. Just let us sort it out. It'll be way easier if we just sort it out. Erica gave us the green light to just. Yeah. It's all good now.

Take care of sales anymore. Yeah. You don't have to. They're going to do their own thing up there and just send us the skadoosh. All right. Thank you guys for listening. We'll see you guys on Monday.

Peace.