Son of a Boy Dad - Son of a Boy Dad: Ep. 3 - Money (ft. Dave Portnoy)

Episode Date: June 16, 2021

-- Sas & Rone discuss wealth, commerce, strippers/prostitutes, etc.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, son of a boy dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. I got some cash in the wallet, no big deal. Of course. Keep a couple hundreds in mind. A couple Benjamins. Oh, this one's still rolled up.

Who was the person that dropped the $100 bill and then someone picked it up and Dave walked by and was like, that's probably mine? Was it Nick? No, I thought that they did it as like a bait dollar. Yeah, they did, but like someone picked it. I think like Big Ev picked it up or something and then Dave walked by and was like, that's probably mine. Because he is definitely just littering money.

Statistically, it is probably his. This one's mine. I get a $100 bill, and I'll hold on to it for fucking six months. Yeah, I mean, there's like some... I'm going to very have my cake. There's something, some fact that's like, if you have your money in like 20s and above, you're less likely to spend money, because you don't want to break it. Yeah, because fucking anything less than that, it's basically fake money.

Yeah. It's monopoly money. If you want – you don't want your money in ones because you're just going to be spending money like crazy. Like a strip – like it's a strip club. You treat the whole world like a strip club. I know. Like the entire world is like a strip club. You get any stripping on this weekend?

Yeah. Yeah, I did. like a strip club you get any stripping on this weekend yeah yeah i did we went to uh a strip club above a uh it was above a car cockfight yeah it was the root for the cockfight fucking you brought some strippers to the cockfight yeah we they we had them as our date we got them on a full day rate and just brought them around we just put a bunch of lipstick on them i was just watching the work do you ever watch workaholics i used to watch workaholics back in the yeah back in the day yeah i used to watch it back in like seventh or eighth grade and it's on now so i'm re-watching it and it's just so fucking funny yeah they are they're fucking they are little geniuses yeah when did they get that show how old were they when they got that

show probably pretty young because I know they like, I think they got it pretty close to like fresh out of college because I think they all went to community college together. They did? Yeah, I'm pretty sure. How crazy is it that a group of dudes just like that are just friends with each other, like a funny ass group of friends?

Yeah. But that does prove the point that you need to get one of those shows fast or you will be riddled with the fucking, the distasteful feeling of regret throughout your whole life. Probably. And at the same time

when that shit was coming out I was like this is just like me and my friends. Like fuck we're gonna have a show like this. Well it's pretty hard

to pitch like like how do you pitch a show like that? Oh it's just gonna be me and my friends. We're just gonna be cracking jokes. It's gonna be hilarious.

Oh you think you're like every other group of friends. Every single other group of people has also had the same idea. Cause it has to it just going to be cracking jokes. It's going to be hilarious. Oh, you think you're like every other group of friends. Every single other group of people has also had the same idea. Because it just has to be brilliant writing. If you're letting people feel like they're in on your group of friends, but also the jokes are really funny. The fact that they're just cranking out jokes. And you know Carl, the drug dealer in it?

He's like the director of the whole show. He's also a member of the group of friends? Yeah. What type of shit was it That he was just I think he He didn't like being on camera Or like he Or Hollywood was like

You don't have it You're too ugly my man Yeah Yeah I got bad news for you my man Yeah Yeah I'm assuming He had something to do with that

That's some bullshit Yeah That wouldn't happen in 20 Whatever year we're in 2021 I always think we're still in 2020. Yeah.

Consistently. I usually never mess that up, but this is the only year I have to look up. I'm like, is it 2021 already? It is some bullshit. 2022 will roll off the tongue a little bit easier. But whenever I'm writing my checks, which I'm always writing a lot of, I'm cranking out a fucking ton of checks. It's how I fucking pay people. When I go to strip clubs, I like to just write $1 checks and throw them in.

Just ripping them off and throwing them one at a time. It does. I mean, it buys you an excuse because when you have a whole stack of $1 bills, they're going to want every one of those right away. But if you have to write out a check, it kind of buys you a little bit of a buffer period for that to, you know, the strippers can't be as demanding of you. Of course. Just put one finger up to her.

Just give her a second. I'm just going to write this out. What's the date? What year is it? I always get it wrong. And she's just, like, furious at you. Goes back to clapping her pussy for somebody else. Yeah.

The ceiling of this strip club was super low, though. It was. That's weird. It was like it wasn't tall enough to sustain a like a true stripper pole. Like they couldn't get up to they'd like duck to get onto the stripper pole. Like there was a little bit of a stage and then the ceiling was low. They really couldn't. They couldn't bust it down.

It was only 20 minutes. That's a shame. It was that they were they all were like stronger than me and like had a better frame than me. Yeah. Like better frame to add mass than me. They're bodybuilders. Or they had the frames to be. Like if they wanted to, it was still bulking season for a lot of them.

But once they all cut down – Well, I mean stripping is a pretty like – Athletic. It's a pretty – you have to be very athletic to do that. Super athletic. And it's pretty – it's definitely like a workout too. But some strippers have like – they're shredded like they're almost like meth muscles or something like that. These women were like well-fed.

They were eating well and just – Must have been a good club. Yeah, they must have been getting a lot of checks, a lot of checks coming. Maybe $2 checks. I went to a strip club one time. Did you? Yeah. I've only been to a strip club once

and I went one time and this random dude at the bar was there and I was just like ordering a drink and he goes he goes I've killed people before

and I was like yeah and I was like laughing like thinking he was joking and he was like he's like you don't want to act so wise around these places

and I was like dude what the fuck are you talking about he was saying that you don't want to act so wise like he was acting like he was trying to act like i was being like a wise ass even though i wasn't even talking to him and then he said that he's killed people before and then i saw him in the bathroom and then i saw him in the bathroom later and he called me by my name he was like hey

harry what the fuck yeah super weird did somebody like pay him to do that was one of your friends just fucking with you no i was literally talking to my friends, and then they all walk away. And then he turns, and he's like, I've killed people before. This might be crazy, but I don't think he has. I think if you're just saying that to a stranger, you're on drugs. You haven't killed somebody before. He was definitely on drugs. How were you acting in the strip club, though?

I feel like you would be awkward as fuck in a strip club. Yeah. We weren't there for a long time. How long? We weren't there for that long. No? No. You just got out of two hours two or three hours like what do you do when like a woman comes up to you just asked you for a fucking money yeah to like you give it to her to bust it open i'd probably

rather just give them the money and just make it feel like it's transactional just like come back later and like surprise me with it but like just the fact that it's so transactional, they're just kind of the same as a panhandler or a busker. I'd rather them play me a song. Yeah, I would too. The funnest and most gratifying thing I've ever done in a strip club is pay the strippers $5 to slap the shit out of me. I feel like that's more empowering to them.

It definitely is. It's just like, hey, I don't want you to dance or anything to me, but could you just slap the shit out of me? Yeah. You just light me up and be a fucking five-star. They probably need to get that. They definitely. Oh, they'll start lining up for you.

Yeah. They'll start. You'll be the highest roller in the club. You'll fucking go through an entire checkbook just getting these women to five-star your face. It's not. I mean, it's definitely a tense job, all those creepy dudes coming in there. It's probably dudes that come in there every single night, right? Yeah.

Same guys. It's got to be. Yeah. They just go – they're like, all right, I'm going to go to the strip club. Yeah. It probably becomes like an addiction. Yeah, and they probably like – And the ladies just have to deal with that.

They're trying to – they work their way in and trying – they're trying to come in there and stuff like that. Yeah, yeah. It's like – You're not going to come in here, brother. I don't think – this they save that type of joint. Unless you have a copious amount of money. Unless you're very rich. Then you will be coming in here.

But if you're going every night, there's got to be better ways to spend your money. But I also, yeah, more power to strippers. I hope they get to slap the shit out of everybody. I hope they just come up with strip clubs where they just get to beat the shit out of men. It's definitely a thing. They just get ass naked and fucking rumble men. That would be hilarious. Just strip down

and fucking beat the piss out of men. I think that there's probably as big of a market for that and it would be less awkward than going into a strip club and asking for them to dangle their boobs in your face. Yeah. Yeah. I mean just getting fucking drop kicked by a stripper.

Oh my god. Wrestled. Getting like your arm popped out of its socket by a stripper who has you in a leg lock. You forget the safe word. The episode of Workaholics I was watching, which I was going to say is the one where they go on the Gravitron for his bachelor party. Did you watch a bachelor party one because I was on my bachelor party this just came on and they go on the gravitron and they bring the stripper on the gravitron and i was like oh i didn't know you could like rent a stripper like bring a stripper oh i guess i did know that i guess that's like a pretty common thing right

just yeah i've never uh i've never done it before but uh i think that you can just have one come to your house yeah in call i've never done one that dumb one i've never done it before, but I think that you can just have one come to your house in call. I've never done that either, but I feel like I've seen that in movies and shows a lot. They dress as a police officer. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know how that became people's fantasies. Yeah, I know.

We got a bad boy here. It probably just would give people PTSD these days. There's probably some career stripper cops who are like... The stripper police officers are definitely gone. It's a terrible time for a fucking stripper police officer. Yeah. A Blue Lives Matter stripper. Just knocking up on people's doors.

Someone being like, you've been a bad boy. And they're like, fuck you. All cops are bastards. Your job is unnecessary. Yeah, they definitely don't want that. They're just trying to bust it open. I thought I had a funny joke a while ago. Fuck.

I had a funny joke about police officer costumes for Halloween, but I forget what it was. Damn it. Fucking get it out. Oh, I think it was like sexy cop costumes like tank and sails while horny protesters rise or something like costumes rise. I don't know.

That's funny. It was funnier in my head. But horny protesters is funny? Horny protesters is funny. Or like hot Antifa? Yeah. Like sexy Antifa? Because sexy cop costumes

are definitely a thing yeah it was definitely one of the most popular costumes oh for sure that you could buy in a store and now you can't do it some people can do it it just depends on what side of the aisle you're on

there's some people who it's probably skyrocketing you can do it if you're a racist piece of shit there's a lot about you if you're going to do it There's some people Who is probably skyrocketing You can do it If you're a racist piece of shit There's a lot about you If you're gonna do it But I guess you can't do it Personally I would steer clear from that Yeah if you hate every minority But I don't know

It's up to you Dude I found out that fucking Cops in New York Make $45,000 a year I mean yeah But that's not that surprising Cause have you I think the amount of times I've actually seen

a real cop in New York is like twice ever. There aren't real cops here. You'll see what appears to be a cop, but he's wearing a uniform that's like six sizes too big for him. He's rolling it backward, leaned up against the wall of the subway. They're just the traffic police officers.

They don't do shit. But wouldn't you think if there's fewer of them that they'd be getting paid more? Or I don't know. $45,000 just fucking shocked me. Dude, I would pick up that job on the weekend. Like, they just walk around New York for hours. They don't do anything. Be a cop on the weekend?

Like, I've seen, like—I've seen, like, fights happening in the street. And then, like, a traffic cop just walks by, doesn't do shit. They have to just, like, brawl hand-to-hand. They've lost all of their privilege of of shooting people they don't have guns i don't think they even have tasers yeah exactly they just have their little traffic thing that they like give people tickets so if someone's going absolutely crazy and like some tourist is like you handle that like you're in a fucking baggy ass uniform then you have to just go and like brawl out with a fucking insane. There's no way that they do that. I've literally seen—

They definitely do. I've seen firsthand. I've seen multiple times. I've seen people getting in fights or something or some crazy guy yelling, and then the traffic cop just stands there. It's not my business. Crosses the street, goes over the other side of the street. Yeah, because he's working on traffic. And he's also making $45,000 a year.

But I think that those guys might even make more than $45,000. I mean, $45,000 just astounded me. Like that's not that much more than a minimum wage job. And it's like mandatory. In New York that might actually be. Yeah, where are you living in New York? It's like four cops living in like a co-op apartment like it's fucking friends. Like they're like sliding across the wall.

I don't think cops anywhere make a lot of money. Yeah, I don't think cops i don't think cops anywhere make a lot of money yeah i don't think they do like i think i think you can do they can get like after hours like i think they can get like they can do they can do extra hours and get more money but i'm pretty sure it's not that high of a paying job i'm just picturing like seinfeld as like cops like gravers coming in fucking busting through The funniest part about those shows Like after like living In New York now It's like Like have you ever seen the show You?

I don't think I have The one with the It's about like the stalker Stalker? No I definitely haven't What is it? It's like a It's pretty popular

It came out a couple years ago It was like a big meme on Twitter You probably would know it If you saw it It's a good show It's a really good show But it's based in New York? It's based in New York And the girl, the main character girl is supposed to be like a, I think she's like a grad

student and she's like so poor. She's supposed to be super poor. She needs this job that she has to survive and she lives in a fucking mansion in New York. Just like a loft. A sick loft. No, first floor. She has like a kitchen,

a living room, like a king-sized bed. It's like people that are well off in New York don't have rooms like that. Yeah, represent poverty properly. It's a blow-up mattress and when you step on the floor,

crumbs get on your feet and there's fucking roaches, the blunt kind, and actual cockroaches in your tiny apartment that's so small that you can't open the closet like no apartments in new york have like a living room and like a king-size bed i mean i don't know it is crazy how uh i don't know it must be i don't know if it's like people from los angeles trying to write new york or just they don't they're not

gonna actually put somebody in a shitty small apartment and they talk about that in friends too how friends friends is based in New York, right? Yes. Yeah, and Friends, they live in, like, a fucking massive apartment. Yeah, they have a tilted window. And they all work at, like, minimum wage jobs. They're waitresses, and they have, like, 5,000 square feet. Yeah, yeah.

What the fuck is this? Imagine being a cop watching that. You're so pissed off at how fucking much money they're making. I guess it's probably hard to write a show where they all live in a fucking shoebox apartment though i mean but it would be at least honest yeah it'd be like at least like a representative show no pussy shit but uh i've been watching emily in paris as well oh i watched that whole show no pussy shit yeah that show is horrible but it's like no it's fucking fire what you talking about? Then why did you watch the entire thing? I watched it with my girlfriend.

It's fucking sick. It was terrible. But I watched the whole thing. It's so bad. Her job is just like, what is her job? She has like 20,000 followers on Instagram. And they're acting like she's like an A-list celebrity. It's incredible.

Yeah. But she's also, I mean, just like maybe want to live in Paris for like six months. Maybe want to do an internship in Paris. Didn't it make you? They're like, don't come into work till 11 o'clock. It's like, what the fuck? This is awesome. How far in are you?

Like four episodes. No pussy shit. Well, I don't want to spoil it. Spoil it. She winds up fucking like four dudes? Yeah. Well, that happens. But did she get fired from her job yet?

What? What the fuck? She gets fired from her job, and then, like, apparently there's a law in Paris where it takes, like, a year to actually fire someone. That's what they say on the show. I don't know if that's a real thing. So we got to definitely move to Paris. Yeah, so, like, apparently, like, no one gets fired. No one gets fired in Paris because, like, people don't feel like doing the paperwork and so that's how everyone

gets to go in at 11 o'clock yeah and wear scarves to work yeah bro i'll be wearing so many scarves and drink coffee yeah i'd be sucking now because uh you only get to live one time in your life what like what what was their reasoning they had like a sick ass line about why they suck down cigarettes it's like you're too busy trying to live and i'm living i was like fuck that's sick let me write that down yeah that show is fire yeah it is dude i don't know what you what is what's bad about it everything it's such a bad show why dude you can't handle the female gaze no it's just one of like the one of those shows it's just like the acting is just painfully bad and the writing is painfully bad which i'm not like that person to be like,

oh my God, the writing in this show is so bad or like the acting is so bad. The writing in Emily in Paris is so bad. But it is like, it's like one of those shows where you're watching, it's like a Hallmark, it's like a Hallmark movie. But in a nice way. It makes you feel nice. It makes you feel like you're on vacation.

Yeah, it's like an, I mean, it's like a good show. I like to watch it on vacation. I enjoy it. I like to be on vacation and think about vacationing and other places like that. Paris is – have you ever been to Paris? Yeah, you have. You went to Paris with Caleb, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So you've been to Paris? What, did you open up some French doors or some shit? Pop up at the fucking Eiffel Tower and someone's smashing an accordion? I didn't like Paris that much But also I was younger So I don't know They probably treated you like shit We went to You probably came in on some fucking

No I didn't get that at all Everyone was like Oh the tour The people The Paris people The French hate tourists But I didn't get We had like

First of all they were like Oh they were like Like I So I went on a school trip When I was a junior in high school And we went to Europe And um and they were like like all the teachers were like oh don't wear baseball hats don't wear shorts like

don't because this is all like shit that only Americans do like like people in France don't why the fuck are your your teachers are like worried about being embarrassed they were like they were like this is like they were people in France you're gonna embarrass and then so we do all this shit and we're like no baseball hats no do all this shit, and we're like, no baseball hats, no shorts, all this stuff. And then we get there, and we have a tour guide, and she's literally holding a flag. Like, to, like, tell, like, so, like, she's leading the pack with a flag. Act natural, act natural. Yeah. And we're like, oh, my God.

We're like, this could not be more of a tourist thing. Like, we was, it looks like we were on, like, a, we were, we were on a tour. Yeah. It was the definition of a tourist. As students. Yeah. Like, you were getting led around by a line leader. Yeah.

So, we got, some people said some shit to us at one point, but that was it. We didn't really get that much. What did they say to you? They just like said something about Americans. American pushy. Yeah, pretty much. Fuck you. Fuck George Bush.

It was pretty much exactly that. And yeah, I mean we – Go have an hamburger and french fries. We didn't really get much freedom on the trip. We had to go to all these museums and shit. Yeah, you were in high school. Yeah. We got some free time, and then it was, like, a whole thing.

Some girl ruined it for everyone because she, like, would, like, run away. She got taken. No, literally. She, like, ran away because she got in a fight with the teacher. Shut up. Like, her – apparently her and the teacher got in, like, a scream fight, like, in the hotel, in one of their hotel rooms because one of the – That's on the teacher, up like her apparently her and the teacher got in like a scream fight like in in the hotel in one of the in one of their hotel rooms because one of that's on the teacher to be honest no no no because this girl was stealing shit from like from like poor people on the side

of the street in like paris still that's on the teacher yeah i mean the teacher was crazy too but but that's also i mean she's a crazy bitch but like you can't be scream fighting with just like fucking yeah uh the girl was putting zip ties her on the bed let her cry for two hours the girl was probably a sophomore in high school too so she was younger and or maybe she might have been a freshman so really young problem scream fighting with the teacher in the hotel room and everyone heard it and then and then we're like we're going out to dinner and this is our last night. We were in Rome. What kind of fucking high school did you go to? No, it was for an art class, like an AP art. And you didn't have to go.

But you got to go? Yeah, you had to pay. Obviously, you had to pay to go. It sounds fire. It sounds incredible. It was actually one of the most fun things I've ever done because my two best friends were on the trip too. Dude, I'm pretty sure that Gary Vee said that you should just spend like a month in Europe instead of going to college. You're taking Gary V's

advice. You're in lockstep with the Gary V plan. You're going to be an entrepreneur before you know it. Yeah, probably. You're going to own the jets. I'm going to start taking cold showers and sleeping for two hours a night. That's literally all you need to do to get shredded. No wonder these fucking mics

stink. I just spit all over the fucking gross ass fucking mic. Mine has like boogers all over it. Mine's got fucking. Crust it up. The anus boys must have been in here. Those guys are savages. Remember Erica posted that video of her wiping down the. Oh, after the anus guys are in here.

And she's like scrubbing down the fucking table. Those guys are hilarious. They must be smelly. Stinky funny boys. Their hygiene must just be fucking horrible. Hijinks and no hygiene. That's their fucking brand. Slapping on a brown t-shirt with stink lines coming out of it.

Yeah, we were in Rome and it was our last night, and this girl ran away, and we were supposed to have three hours of free time, which is going to be our big free time night. And me and my friends were going to go out and just get hammered because there's no drinking age in Europe. And she ran away, and we had to all split up and go find her. What the fuck?

Yeah. Find her? Yeah, I didn't try and find her. I went to a bar. Yeah, I was about to say, that's a surefire way for you guys to either get lost or for people to just go do whatever the fuck they want. It was awesome. Hey, go search Rome for this girl.

Yeah. I mean, I guess they're just like— Bad shit happens on those trips all the time, though. Like, one of the trips, kids were stealing license plates off off of cars and then they all end up in prison like in europe what a dumb fucking i mean i guess i mean they're just high school students being high school students at the end of the day bad shit happens on those things and the teachers always end up getting like fucking obliterated and then they like like one one of the trips like someone got like hammered and then like the dad like had then the dad had to stay in the hotel while everyone went out.

He was supposed to be the leader of the thing because he was so hungover. So it's always a bad—they always don't work well. The parents that are trying to go on that are trying to get the escape just as much as anyone else. And teachers are whores. Yeah, exactly. Male and female teachers are just waiting for their students to turn 18 so they can engage. They can meet them out at the bar. This is the bar that all the students go to when they turn 21.

They're just lined up. Teachers love that shit. I don't think I've seen a single one of my teachers. I haven't seen any of my teachers since I graduated. One of my little sisters has one of the teachers that I had When I was a senior And she told my teacher that I dropped out of college And moved to New York She just didn't tell her that I have a job or anything

And that teacher hated me So she probably thinks I'm just living on the fucking sidewalk Told him? Fucking idiot She's the teacher from every rap song You're not going to make it You're going to suck Not long after I turned 21 We started seeing the teachers from my high school out at bars and

like some of my friends like wound up like fucking these teachers like some of them like tried to like fight these teachers like you just find out so fast that teachers are just like the most normal people in the world they're getting shit-faced out of the bar. Yeah. Most of them are, like, pretty young as well. Like, they're just trying to live, like, I mean, live their life. And you find out real fucking fast. Yeah. I mean, I had teachers that were young, too. Like, I had teachers that were in their 20s.

Teachers are young. Yeah. It must be weird being, like, mid-20s teaching, like, 18-year-olds. Yeah, just being in charge of them. Yeah. It's pretty hard to do that. Just assuming you know. There's no. It's pretty hard to do that. Just assuming, you know,

there's no like fucking moment that they know. Like you think that they walked across the stage at their college graduation. They probably pick teaching cause it was an easy ass major so they could get shit faced the entire time. It's not like they had a formative education. They're just fucking, they're like, what's easy.

I guess I'll just like be a teacher. All you have to do is stay a month ahead of them in the lesson plan. Fucking lesson plans Yeah Thank god dude You're anti-teacher? No no I fucking respect A hell of a lot of teachers

You're like that kid In that viral video That goes around Every once a month That's like You can't be teaching kids Out of the packet You gotta be teaching them

Real life experiences You gotta talk to them Yeah yeah Or else they're not gonna understand Yeah Yeah that's exactly What it's like He had like a I'm teaching them real life experiences. You got to talk to them. Yeah, yeah. Or else they're not going to understand. Yeah, yeah. That's exactly what it's like. He had like a – he had an incredible cadence. Oh, my God.

He had like a preacher's cadence. He had like a preacher's cadence. You were definitely – you were that kid in high school. But they're not going to understand you. They're not listening. Yeah. With his long-ass, beautiful hair. With his long-ass hair, yeah.

He never cut his hair. That video goes viral once a month. And people are- And everyone is like, this is what's the problem. This is it. This is it. This kid gets it. Listen to this.

Show this to a teacher. No, I'm just against school because I didn't do well in it. That's why. I was so bad at school. Just didn't vibe with me. I had to take a fucking- I wish I was better at school, though. I wish I tried harder so I was so bad at school. Just didn't it didn't it didn't vibe with me. I had to take a fuck. I wish I was better at school, though. I wish I tried harder.

So I was like smarter than I am. I took I had to take like public speaking in college and I waited till my senior year because I was like, fuck this class. Yeah. Not trying to take this, not trying to learn this. And I was already doing I was like traveling the world like battle rapping. Yeah. Rooms full of like a thousand. When did you start battle rapping? rooms full of like a thousand when did

you start battle rapping because i saw a video you posted a video on tiktok was it on tiktok recently you look like really young yeah uh like fucking 20 21 i started battle rapping yeah around around your age yeah i'm probably gonna hit up on the mic pretty soon you should it's the perfect time the synapses in your brain are still firing you can learn a new craft i'm gonna do uh i'm gonna sign up for a stand-up open mic and then just battle rap the whole time. It would crush. I'm going to battle rap the host of the show. You're a pussy.

You host your shows. All right. Thanks, guys. That's my time. My light's on. But I was doing fucking – I had to take a fucking public speaking class. And all it was was a guy wanted me to take the assignment seriously, and I wouldn't do it. I got a D in public speaking, but I was getting paid to go to venues to speak publicly in front of thousands of people.

It's just like one thing doesn't equate to the other thing at all. It's just like how well do you take classes? How well do you follow the rules? And, dude, I fucking hate the rules. Yeah. I had a screenwriting class last year that I took and we had to go – we had to like all write a – it would be like the way that the guy set up the class was like we would – like the first one we had to do, we had to write like one-liners or two-liners. It was like supposed to be like written similar to the weekend update on the SNL jokes. Yeah. Jokes. So we would like have to go look at the cover of the New York times for that

morning. And we'd have to write like five jokes. This dude was definitely like submitting to a Peloton. He was like an SNL writer apparently. And so he was just trying to teach people how to do jokes. It was like, it was a comedy screenwriting class at college, at college.

And we had to, there was like 30 kids in the class, and we had to go around and read our jokes out loud to the whole class. And basically like – That's tough. It's tough. Because the people aren't even trying to be comedians. It's like going to the awkwardness of an open mic night with the first time everyone's trying their joke with a bunch of people who don't even want to be doing it. Yeah, and I – the thing was it was like 30 kids kids and we would all have to go around and read ours. And then – like that's like how he did attendance basically.

And it would be – that would be the entire class for the most part. And the first couple people, like if they were funny, people would laugh. But then by like 10, no one's listening. So you're reading your jokes and no one laughs. Like is he like paying attention? Yeah. Is he like laughing? He would pay attention and like give you notes.

Like he was a really good teacher. Yeah. Like he was a smart guy but like – How would he react to your jokes? Like what would he – like his just arms folded and just like a little snicker through the nose. That was good. That was good. Try and – and then he would give you notes.

And – Try to make this next one funny Yeah Like you said the words Yeah But just like I'm not laughing Yeah And then we had

Then by the end of the By the end of the semester We had A ten minute script That we had to write And we all had to go out And we all had to read Our ten minute script

And like We had to like Have other people play the characters And I just didn't show up For the class Cause you just didn't You didn't do it My script was so bad want i was like you didn't do my script was so bad and i was like i'm not reading this for 10 minutes in front of like that i'm not gonna bomb for i'm not gonna 170 000 followers on tiktok you think i'm gonna read a script for a fucking class no i actually

ended up getting a b in the class but i was like i can't do this i was like i don't have like the mental strength did you claim anxiety to him? No, I just didn't show up. But how'd you get a B in the class then? I don't know. You were at an A and he dropped you to a B for it? Or he was just like, none of this matters. I never cared anyway.

I give everyone Bs. It was probably that. I just don't give a fuck. It was probably more that. He was also a really nice guy, so I think it was more like, I think I probably emailed him some sob story and then somehow managed to get a B. Those teachers, like half their job must be just reading people's lies. Yeah.

Just people are lying to them. Yeah. But they also – I've had so many times where I've written like a long-ass thing like, oh, my mental health is doing really poorly and I've been really stressed out. I didn't get any time to do this assignment. And then he gave me an extension. I just didn't do it. And I was like, I feel like such a dick. That nerd it was i just don't give a fuck yeah that i did

that in a religion class and i was like i can't do this i was literally sitting at the dinner table with my this was over quarantine i was sitting at the dinner table with my sister and my dad who were like really smart and we were reading the prompt and just no one understood it and i was like this isn't happening i actually like i like, I failed the class. Yeah. I think sometimes, though, you can just outlast your teacher and just, like, they'll, like, you just keep on, like, pushing it back and, like, delaying it. Yeah. And they'll just be like, all right, I'll give you a C+. I'll give you a C+. Just shut the fuck up.

Send the corrupt file. Yeah. The intentionally corrupt file. I don't think that really works anymore, though, because people, like, I think people know that people know that there's a website to just corrupt a file. It's also not that hard to do an assignment. No. There's nothing that actually takes that much time. No.

It's also not that hard to like... It's also like no one actually... In what scenario have you ever actually corrupt a file? Never. Submitting an assignment, there's no scenario where you're like, oh fuck, this file got corrupt. Yeah, Microsoft Word shoots a million percent. Yeah.

Microsoft Word never misses. Except for when you need it to. They've never corrupted a file. What? I lost a whole file. One of my friends dropped out of college his first semester because he went outside while he was writing a paper to smoke a cigarette, semester because like he went outside while he was writing a paper to smoke a cigarette came back inside and like the computer had like gotten unplugged and like he couldn't submit the paper and he just like dropped out for the rest of the semester and he's like all right second semester i'm gonna give it the old college try he made it a week and then like a chocolate milk

exploded in his backpack and all his books got covered in chocolate milk and he just never went back again he was like or he just dropped out of college again and just sat there for the entire semester because he said, fuck it. He was like, his books got corrupted. Yeah. That's a pretty good reason though. Chocolate milk on the books. A little chalky milk on the books. Dropped out of college.

It wasn't for him. Yeah. It wasn't. But he didn't tell his parents the entire time. They just got the report card and like it was Fs and everything for the entire year. Oh, wait. So he didn't even drop out he just stopped going?

He stopped going to college and then his parents got a not even at the end of the first semester at the end of the entire year. That's bad. You're gonna

Why didn't he just like drop out drop the classes? Because he wanted to have the college experience. He was Temple University he fucking slept until four o'clock

every day and then just went out? Yeah he would like watch Boy Meets World until four o'clock in the morning And then just went out? Yeah, he would watch Boy Meets World until 4 o'clock in the morning, sleep until 4 in the afternoon, go get 40s and cheesesteaks, sit on the soup until he was drunk enough

to fight somebody. They'd brawl out, watch fucking more Boy Meets World until they fell asleep and just do it all over again. It was heaven. For some people, that's heaven. People just want to go to college

to fight and eat Taco Bell. Yeah, it's not a bad idea It's not bad at all Yeah I mean I hated school So I wasn't very opposed to Dropping out To dropping out

Plus man With the way that the world's set up today The way that Gary Vee puts it man You don't really have to do shit man You just have to picture your family Got shot in the face For an hour a day That's better than a fucking piece of paper

big time 100 yeah the one clip i saw is yeah he's just telling us telling people on their wedding day that they could like be on their phones as much as they want it's like they want to be on their phones they don't have to live in the moment oh jesus what a fucking legend he he just like i feel like i don't understand what those mo like I guess Gary Vee has like a business, right? Like he has like a – he like is a billionaire. He is? Yeah. Are you sure?

Pretty sure. Like an actual billionaire or he has like billions of dollars in like ventures? Maybe that. I'm pretty sure he has like a real business. Yeah, VaynerMedia. Is that what it is? He definitely has a real business. There's people that work for him. But I don't understand like the motivational speakers that

just like just like talk like what are they doing aside for motivate like like I it can't be that hard to write a motivational speech and like once you get in the game like I feel like the hardest part is getting in the game yeah once you start motivating people and you're just like yeah it's gonna be $20,000 what are they doing doing? Nothing. I think that a lot of Instagram influencers are just, like, motivational speakers. Yeah. When I was on vacation the other week, it was all influencers staying at the same spot. We, like, looked up what they did, and it was, like, they're just motivational speakers. Like, they're, like, fitness instructors slash motivational speakers.

Yeah, it's so fucking stupid. Who is paying motivational speakers? I mean, anyone who's, like, jacked could be a motivational speaker and a fitness instructor. Or just, like, if you're successful, just, like, explain how you got successful and just, like, tell that story in conferences. Have the public speaking acumen to be able to stand in front of a bunch of people and just, like, know what you did. Know your own story, and that's all you have to do. Yeah. It's insane.

It's bullshit, but at the same time, power to the people, and I'm trying to get in the speech game. You're just telling people speeches? I mean, it's a scam. Speeches? Like motivational speaking, in a way. There's people who sell their courses and shit. But then there's David Goggins, who's a fucking savage. He's the best motivational speaker.

David Goggins' camera person is a savage. Yeah, yeah. Who is keeping up with him with a steady cam? I'm pretty sure it's his girlfriend, and I'm pretty sure she drives next to him while he runs. Really? Yeah. I mean, then she is the true core strength savage. She has one hand on the steering wheel, the other hand hanging out the car with perfect core strength.

Not shaky at all completely steady cam she must think that like she must film those video like how do you not film those videos and be like oh he's a fucking crazy person he because he's definitely like slapping the camera out of her hand when she messes up true perfection babe oh i think she's also his manager his wife is yeah i don't know if it's his wife or his girlfriend i don't know did he uh did he get like what did he used to know if it's his wife or his girlfriend. I don't know. Did he get like did he used to be fat? What's his story?

Yeah he was like 300 pounds. He wasn't like that fat. Really? No. Just like a jacked 300 pound guy where it's like oh you look like

you're like Yeah he was like big but he wasn't like obese. For some motivational speakers it's the biggest grift of all time to just like get fat then slim down.

Getting fat could be the most healthy thing for your career. Definitely. Just having the before pictures of you looking absolutely sloppy and then being like, I got down to this. I don't know why more people aren't doing that. We should sell that program to motivational speakers. We have a 12-step program for guaranteed success and motivational speaking and just all it is you get fat as fuck yeah i mean what's his name mac from always sunny did that he got fat as fuck and then he got ripped now he's like a fitness like icon yeah he's like

on the top he's like on the cover of like fitness magazines and shit and he doesn't even motivational speak no he just gives it away to men's fitness yeah men's health magazine yeah i think he said's Health Magazine. Yeah. I think he said he was like, all you have to do is run. He's like, all you have to do is work out three times a week and not eat anything that tastes good. Yeah, I guess the not eating anything that tastes good is like- Is where it all comes from. Is where it all comes from. All it is.

Because if you're just working out three times a week- No. False. Yeah. Yeah, you're going to be- You'll still be fat as fuck. You'll still be fat as fuck. Yeah.

There's people that are fat as fuck that work out three times a week. I don't know what's happening. Yeah. Why am I not getting skinny? It's got to be glandular. Yeah. I mean there's some programs that you can do three times a week. Like Strongly 5x5 is three times a week, but that's – I think that's like only if you're like bulking.

What is it? Strongly 5x5? Stronglift 5x5. Break it down. It's just like compound movements. Okay. What does that mean? It's just like compound movements. Okay. What does that mean? It's just like benching.

Like one day you'll do bench, squat, and rows. And then the next day you'll do overhead press, squat, and deadlift. What are the splits? And then you just alternate those. Five by five. Oh, really? Yeah. Holy shit.

It's intended to put on maximum mass. Really? Well, you've got to be eating if you're going to be trying to put on that much mass. Yeah. So I think that's like the pull point is like you do it three times a week and then you just eat a fuck ton and you gain weight very easily. But I don't trust those things because it's like if I do that, I'll get fat. Anytime I ever bulk, it just goes straight to my stomach. It doesn't go to my muscles. You're drinking tons of milk?

Yeah. Robbie Fox in here used to do Go-Med. Really? A gallon of milk a day. Oh, that's horrible. That is disgusting. Imagine what it would do to your intestinal tract to drink a gallon of milk a day. that's horrible that is disgusting imagine what it would do to your like intestinal tract to drink a gallon of milk bad for you that's it's just so disgusting yeah but that's like the human body is not meant to do that you're beer bonging like a fucking six of a cow's

body fluids why was he doing it to gain weight yeah to gain mass why didn't he just like eat yogurt or something like something a little more tolerable than that doesn't like yogurt he's just slamming milk. Oh, that is disgusting. Just imagine that fuel that you're putting into your body. That's like putting in diesel to a fucking Mercedes. Except it's not even getting... You're just going to be spraying that out of your asshole.

Spraying it. Spraying. I'd rather drink heavy cream in the hopes that it would Solidify into a full shit Yeah If I have like a glass of milk It's the night The day's over for me Big time

I'm just shitting everywhere Big time Painting the walls Like I I don't know if like When I was a child Was I shitting my brains out When I had milk

Cause I didn't start realizing it Until later on But I just wasn't In tune with my body It's probably easier When you're younger But like I'm pretty sure it's like everyone is a little

bit lactose intolerant, right? Big time. Yeah. Big time. Can't just be sucking cow. Yeah, no. Tall glass of milk. You can't be sucking the teat. No way. Gotta be crushing some almond or some silk, a little soy milk or something. Almond, I used to be anti-almond milk and oat milk and everything,

but now I don't even like drinking regular milk. I like almond milk. You do? Yeah. There's only six almonds in every pint of almond milk. Yeah, I think it tastes better. You just like white water. Yeah.

I think it tastes better, and I don't get the shits from it. Dude, the problem is, like, I don't think I could ever get super jacked because, like, really the swamp ass is just too big. jacked because like the book really the swamp ass is just too too you get your ass a little bit bigger and it's trapping so much more heat i need a skinny ass whereby like asshole is so is like there's so little padding around my ass that my asshole is just bare to the wind i don't can whip into my asshole of my short leg i'm constantly looking for solutions to my swamp ass it is like the biggest problem that i face in my entire life man man ponds you ever watch robin big big rest in peace used to do a man pond he would just shove a bunch of like tissue paper towel or toilet paper up his ass

i i i would never do that but i've tried everything i've done because imagine if it was just like yeah that would be disgusting someone like saw you in public And they're just Peeking out the top Like I'll like sit down Like I'll go to the gym And I'll just be like lifting weights And then I'll be like I'll stand up

And my ass will be like wet Like they'll be like My like it'll be It'll be almost coming through To the shorts And I'm like What the fuck is wrong with me Yeah I'm skinny as fuck

I can't imagine a dude Who's just so jacked Yeah That his ass is so big That his The His butthole is like F fully recessed eight inches in his ass crack because he's that fucking thick and swole. Like, I can't imagine how hot and uncomfortable that is. It just sounds terrible.

They need to come up with, like, I know, like, they just need some sort of, like, actual, like, ass deodorant. It needs to go straight on the ass. Like, not ball deodorant. Like, the balls aren't the problem it's the ass like you swap swab it in the crevice like you're yeah or they need to have like fans like they have in mascot suits yeah you know how in like a mascot suit like the philly fanatic has like a fan inside his suit that's cooling him off the entire time they need to have like a fan have a fan directly on your ass all day. Like those pants. I know people wear the Lululemons

and the bird dogs that have the liner built in. It's like, dude, I couldn't wear that. It would just be trapping. You can wring it out. You know, literally. I would literally be wringing it out at the end of the day.

Just thick with sweat. It's so bad. And it's like such a pain in the ass, literally. Yeah, but I mean, what are you going to do because you're trying to get these gains? And imagine if you were on GoMed, or imagine if you were doing your fucking, what is it, drop the 5x5 again? Stronglift 5x5. Stronglift 5x5. Make sure, shout out to those guys. Credit to them.

It's like one of the most popular lifting programs, if not the most. Bodybuilding.com? Where'd you find it? On bodybuilding.com? No, it's just on the- You don't want to pay the premium. It's also just on the app store. Really?

Yeah. Unbelievable. How much? Free. Yeah. Invest in yourself. There's no excuses. There's no excuses not to invest in yourself.

It's free. All right, invest in yourself. It's free. All right, people? Yeah. It's free out there, okay? No excuse. What excuse do you have? He's getting jacked fucking for free. Yeah.

Figure it the fuck out. A little motivation. We should turn this into a motivational podcast. If we could get speaking arrangements. We should try and get Gary Vee on the podcast. He probably would come on. Definitely. Definitely.

He had Buddha Ben over his house. Really? He just had him over. Oh, yeah. We got to do that. We got to have him on. We should just go to Vee's. We should be like, so I've been – we would be like, Gary, so I've been – so I know you said five minutes a day for – I imagine everyone in your family got shot in the face.

But now I'm doing – I've been upping it to two hours a day. I sit there. And just lock in. I sit there and just imagine my whole family was mauled by a bear. I sit cross-legged on the floor of my shower. And I could have stopped them, but I didn't. And it's like, it's changed everything. It's changed.

I'm so much happier. Look at this striation I have. I literally have this vein popping out of my thrombosis muscle because of what you've given me, Mr. V. Please, as soon as I upped it from two hours to six hours a day, the abs just started coming through. They just start popping through. I have abs on my chest now. I have muscles on muscles.

It's incredible, Mr. V. Just thank you. You changed my life. Sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. It's such a crazy thing to say. But also, he's crazy. Like he does like his like – his whole thing is like, oh, like quantity over quality. He's like content is subjective.

Like you need to be posting 100 times a day. And he literally posts like 1,000 times a day. Yeah. We're not even seeing a percentage of what he's cranking out. Oh, no. And he must be cranking out garbage. Yeah. You cannot be successfully cranking out that much content a day.

Unless you're a motivational speaker because you just got to talk bullshit. Yeah, that is crazy. Wake up, wake up salad, and then ice cold shower. Like Mark Wahlberg, like every day on Instagram, it's like Mark Wahlberg's, oh, this is Mark Wahlberg's daily routine. Wake up at 2 a.m., go golf 18 holes. Workout. It's like if you have to schedule in family time,

it's most likely you're not the biggest family guy. You're an asshole. Yeah, if you've got to be like, all right, guys, 11 to 12, let's go. Family time. Meet me at the course. Meet me at the 19th hole. We'll have some family time. Imagine your dad going to bed at 7 p.m. every day.

You don't even see your dad at that point. That would be like when I would see my dad. When he got home from work at like 6 o'clock. Son, I'm going to bed. But dad, you just got home. Well, I've got to be up at 2 a.m. I'm playing Pinehurst. There's no beneficial factors to that. Nothing helps you by waking up at 2 a.m. I'm playing Pinehurst. There's no beneficial factors to that.

There's nothing, nothing helps you by waking up at 2 a.m. And what does he get it? What is he doing that other people aren't doing? Nothing. Wahlburgers?

Yeah. What, like, fucking what? Wahlburgers sucks, too. Four brothers? I've never even been to a Wahlburgers. He came to my school in fifth grade when Wahlburgers launched

to, like, promote it. Were all the kids like, yeah! I had no idea who he was you were definitely standing on your fucking you were standing on your desk fucking millie rocking when he came in you were hitting the wall when he came in yeah i had no clue who he was and he came to my school and uh and then i went to wall burgers with my family like the next day and it just like wasn't that good like It just really isn't that good. I don't know who I am.

That was actually the worst impression ever. I was trying it out for the first time. Is it a smash burger? What's good about a Wahlburger? It's just like Shake Shack, but if Shake Shack was worse. I like Shake Shack. Shake Shack's good. Small burgers, though.

Really? Shake Shack's burgers are a little too small for me. How many OZs are they? I don't know. That's why you need to get the double, though. Really? Shake Shack's burgers are a little too small for me. How many OZs are they? I don't know. That's why you need to get the double, brother. I can't even eat a Shake Shack burger during the middle of the day. That's a one-way ticket to being sluggish. Do you think Gary V is eating fucking burgers?

Do you think Wahlburg has even had a Wahlburger? Wahlburger has never had a Wahlburger. That's a fact. No way. Never. He wouldn't be able to get up that early. He would have to take naps. And I didn't see one on his schedule. No. I didn't see a single nap on his schedule. If Wahlburger ate a

Wahlburger, if Mark Wahlberg ate a Wahlburger, he would probably have to run a marathon after just to maintain his physique. Yeah. And I don't see that on the schedule either. No. Dude, we need to motivational speak. We need to go around like they used to stump, like they used to like stump, like politicians used to stump speech

and like they would go from town to town and just throw out a soapbox and like stand in front of the entire town. We got to start doing that and just firing people up, going on stage like fucking Steve Ballmer, fucking like clapping, like it's a Bitcoin convention

and like getting people like fired up, like, ah! Ah! That Bitcoin. Did you watch the Bitcoin convention shit from this week? I just saw the guy chanting, like, fuck Elon. Yeah, it's so funny. Those guys are crazy.

But people are paying a premium. They're lining up around the block. The one that Big Cat tweeted out, the clip. Was there a long line? No, it was just the guy going out, and he was like, fuck Elon. And everyone's going nuts. Going nuts. And he's wearing a white suit like the sunglasses that Kanye wore in like

2012 or whatever. They're just like fired up. It's just all like, it's, and like the Winklevosses were there. It's like, what do people care about? Like, I don't understand why the Winklevosses became like such a big, like, like all they did, like they got scammed out of Facebook. And they were in the movie, The Social Network. Except they weren't. Except Armie Hammer scammed out of Facebook. And they were in the movie The Social Network. Except they weren't.

Except Armie Hammer was, both of them. Who was the... Was it David Fincher? The main character? No, that directed it? Oh, I have no idea. But whoever put them in the movie as such... Did people know about them as characters before that movie came out?

Or they just saw the movie, it was an awesome movie, Timberlake was in it, and then they're like, now we know who these people are definitely was that because it was timberlake they owe all their success to timberlake people fucking get timberlake a bad rap he put the fucking winklevi on timberlake timber timberlake was great in that movie he's incredible he's a great actor even though he's like the worst like he like you're supposed to hate him but he was good in that movie no you're just supposed to hate him now but he was good in that movie. No, you're just supposed to hate him now. He is terrible. I watched Friends with Benefits pretty recently. That movie's bad. Is that him and Beale? No, that's him and...

Alba? No, that's him and fucking the girl from That 70s Show. Mila Kunis, yeah. Kunis? Yeah, Kunis. That's tough. I thought that he was... And they are fucking hard. They are pipe. He is just laying pipe in that movie.

Is he? The whole movie. Savage. He lays it down the whole movie. You get to see any of his crack? Yeah. Oh, yeah. You see full cock in that movie.

Justin Timberlake does full cock. He just wanted to be like a super method actor. Yeah. He goes full frontal. The dude who played Harry Potter, Daniel Radcliffe, right after Harry Potter, he's like, I want to be taken seriously as an actor. He was in a play called Equus where he just runs around on stage with his cock out for 12 minutes. Yeah, I think that was a big thing. I think he fucks a horse or something like that, and he just has a dream sequence where he's just flopping his dick around from his thighs back and forth on the stage, fucking just running around.

Yeah, that was a big thing. I think he did do full frontal. Yeah. Jason Segel did a full nude in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, and his dick is out in that movie. Out? It's, like, out for, like, 30 seconds, maybe a minute. And is that – what do you think – why?

I don't know. It didn't have to be. For it to be, like, hilarious? There's literally a close-up of his dick. Is it? I guess it – Like, it was funny, kind of. It didn't have to be. For it to be hilarious? There's literally a close-up of his dick. I guess it... It was funny, kind of. It was more like a shocking funny.

Yeah, you laugh at things that shock you, or you react to things that shock you. Yeah, I mean, I'm sure people were like, oh my god, Jason Segel's fully naked in this movie, and everyone was like, oh, I gotta watch this movie now. I wanna see Jason Segel's dick. Girls are just flocking. Yeah. Like when dudes used to go and see like Halle Berry, just fucking. Girls are just lining up to see Seagull's dick.

Yeah. But like when I saw it in theaters, I was visibly like, like I probably reacted out loud. That's the number one. That's definitely the first thing that people think about when they see that movie. Come on. Jason, what the fuck, dude? Oh, no, no. I wanted to see Mila Kunis Not your fucking dick

This is not what I expected Didn't expect to see dick like this And he's just showing it man Dude I think I gotta I think I have to bounce Really? Yes sad I need to go talk

I need to go talk about Real Housewives of New York next door in the other podcast room. All right, brother. Good luck. You're not going to believe what Leah did this week. She said she didn't want to vote, but then someone else called her out for it, and she was like, don't get in my business. Bitch, you just told the whole group that you didn't want to vote. You let them in on your business.

Yeah, I've never seen the show, nor do I know anything about it. Oh, my bad. Spoiler. Yeah, well, now I'm not going to watch it because you just ruined it. No, dude, you have to. Because you just ruined it for me. No, you're going to like it. I'm going to hate it.

I swear to God you're going to like it. All right, well, thanks for popping in, Roan. Appreciate you coming by. Of course, man. Of course, bro. We'll see everyone next time. We'll see everyone next week. We'll see everyone next week. Maybe.

I don't know. I don't know why you had to listen to this. All right. Fuck, yeah, that was funny as fuck.