Son of a Boy Dad - Son of a Boy Dad: Ep. 32 - The Man in the Hat

Episode Date: December 7, 2021

-- Sas & Rone discuss the gym life, champagne papi, Santa, spotify wrapped, the CIA, Harry's childhood encounter with Satan, moving apartments, Jack Harlow, restaurant jobs, church, ageism, pranks & more -- Full episode also available on YouTubeYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, Son of a Boy Dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. What is up, everybody? Welcome back to Son of a Boy Dad podcast. Today is Monday, December 6th. It is 318 p.m. And here we are just fucking sitting, dude, just fucking spinning around Earth at the same speed we always have.

Yep. But I'm pretty happy to be here. But before we get into that, let's get into our presenting sponsor of today's episode. There was nothing to get into. I was just saying I was happy to be here. But before we get into that, let's hop into our presenting sponsor of today's episode,

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slash barstool to get more info. Download Dat Chat. I mean, fuck. Download Dat Chat. What the fuck, bro? Your hair's getting longer and you're getting older every day.

I know. I feel exhausted right now. I know, but you don't have... I don't get the lights. You need less light or more light? You're making me hot and tired. Yeah, you've been getting tired, though. I know.

It's because I'm not moving my body enough. Today, I'm going to go to the gym and just go beast mode. I'm going to call bullshit on that one. No, I'm going right after this ends. I could see you going beast mode, but not at the gym. I'm going to the gym and I'm going beast mode. I could see you flipping out on an Uber driver or some shit like that. I could see you fucking getting pissed off at the person who's making your food,

saying they're not doing a good enough job. Somebody who's making less than minimum wage, who's working for tips. I could see you going beast mode on them. No, just at the gym, chest day. For real? Hell yes. Give us the splits, bro. I'm thinking about five sets of 12 on an incline,

medium weight to kind of warm the fuck up. No, I do push-ups to warm up. Really? Mm-hmm. On a decline? No, I usually start off with 50 push-ups. Well, usually I start off with 10 minutes on the incline treadmill, get the blood flowing.

I love that. I love to fucking do sprint, full sprint. And then I get into a good 50 pushups. However, I want to break that up. And then I go to the bench, five sets of five, maybe three sets of eight. Okay.

We'll see. And then I usually go three. And then usually I'm pushing myself so much by that point that I really only need like, I'll hit the incline dumbbell, three sets of 12 maybe. Dude, the thing is, if you're doing anything more than 12 reps It's time to go up in weight

You're not doing your body any favors if you're doing 15 reps Usually I don't get to 12 though is the thing Well you gotta go to failure It's usually to failure when I go to those I fucking love failure So I'll usually do 3 sets of that And then maybe I'll do something with cables or something You know just get the interpecs worked

Fuck yes We're not cord cutters over here bro we love working the cables and then i'll hit tries maybe a little shoulders too don't over don't overwork yourself it's push day brother yeah it's gonna be a great push day but you want to give yourself at least a fucking day of recovery afterwards you don't know shit about a push day bro i'm about to fucking push you off the fucking ledge right now actually no i'm not because i have respect for you i'm about to fucking push you off the fucking ledge right now actually no i'm not because i have respect for you i have the utmost respect for you thank you because i saw you do uh stand-up comedy this past weekend and it was my first time seeing it and it was awesome thank you i appreciate it doesn't sound like you appreciate it that was a fucking half

assed appreciation no i would be gushing in appreciation it was fun it was a good show it was late yeah i still haven't recovered from that. Yeah, just from staying up that late? It was a late show. Started at midnight. I think I went on around one. That was a long ass time. But you were shitting on the, you were the best comic I saw that night or in that show.

Please. In that show. Yeah. Easily. I didn't see any of that. I didn't, all I saw was Sypha Sounds. He was good very famous in New York

very famous in New York I saw him and I saw like a second of Ryan Long but then we left then we got the fuck out of there

had to get over to the cellar fuck you know how the fuck it is had to get over to the cellar just to get more into the scene yeah

shoot the shit with Aziz what was Aziz what was Aziz's dumb ass saying oh what was that somebody just said fuck your life outside bro what the fuck is that all about lock the fucking door bro that's creepy lock it lock the door bro that's the last thing we need to try to burst in here and fuck our lives yeah i don't want my life fucked yeah we're just getting in the swing of the con we're just we're just getting our foot in the comedy scene in New York.

Yeah, we don't just get ourselves fucked. We actually... The Stan wants us to do a live podcast there, and I told them we would do it. No, bro, don't do that. Yeah. Why? Because.

Can they stop fucking our life out there? I know, what the hell is that? We're fucking recording in here. Fucking... When we're recording, I don't want anyone within 100 feet of the studio. Seriously. Especially screamers like that.

People who relentlessly make everything about themselves. Fuck their lives. The only person I want in here is an intern, and I want them to bring me a Diet Coke right now. Yeah, we need more interns. We need people that we can fucking... I want to load up the team. Yeah, we need a fucking deep-ass team. I want someone to be wiping my ass after I'm sh i'm shitting yeah like a night and a wet nurse like a fucking you know that's what

britney renner was but before she became a a whore online no i don't know who britney renner is you don't know is she a porn star oh and do you know who uh do explain her to owen she's like the top trap she's like the top woman trap she's like the top trapper of women who traps men she's a goat what the hell does that mean she traps men she has babies by nba players gets half of their salary for the rest of their life girl that was on like no jumper uh maybe but she's more famous than even no jump she wrote a book oh is it good yeah it's fantastic but it's not really inspiring it's more like

she's a finesser she's a finesser and she's the Michael Jordan of finessing she's the one that Coach Prime had out to see his team and he was like

watch out for girls like this cause they'll try to steal all your money he did that yeah he like dangled her in front of and she gave a speech how did she appreciate that

I think that she she just came back on his podcast today really she talked more about it but she said that that's think that she just came back on his podcast today. Really? She talked more about it. But she said that that's what... She used to be a nurse for old folks right when she got out of college. And then she was like, this shit sucks.

I'm going to stop wiping 80-year-old's asses and I'm going to start fucking... Fucking... Popping my pussy. Her book's called Judge This Cover. And the cover is a nude of her. Wow. Do you get it? I do. get it i do explain it she's naked and she wants people to judge her naked body but you know how people are like don't rate it online

don't judge a book by its cover is that a cupcake on her ass that's an apple she's got an apple in her ass i would have gone with a cupcake yeah that would have been well that's your book let's get her on the pod we probably could i think a cupcake on the ass would have been a little more tasteful. A little bit more on brand. A little something more sweet. Apple kind of has this forbidden fruit connotation. And you're obviously not forbidden if you're just fucking everybody. How many kids does she have?

I know she just, there's like this guy, PJ Washington, who she just, I don't even know if he's on his second contract. But she got an astronomical amount of money from him. Like $2 million a year for 20 years or something like that. And he is not going to be in the NBA that long. Why would people like fuck her if they knew that that was going to happen? Because he studied from porn star Tiana Trump. She's like very some techniques. She's smart and calculating. Like her point is like,

this game is going to try to take advantage of me. So I'm going to take advantage of the game. Weird. Do you respect that? I feel like that would probably last one time and people would be like, I'm not going to associate with you. Yeah, you'd think that. She's just like a master gaslighter? Maybe. Or like her history always repeats itself.

Like when she was talking to Jackson State Dion's team, people were just like, she's just like picking her next victim. So if you have to pay someone $2 million for 20 years a year, what if you can't pay that? Do you go to jail? I think you definitely get in trouble or something. Or like all your future money goes to her. Or do you think she would just like cut it off?

Like she probably wouldn't want to send the dude to prison. I don't know. She doesn't need two million dollars every year but i think she's gonna get it and i think what's crazy is she could get it from another dude and like this guy is gonna have to give her two million dollars no matter what but like she could go have another kid from somebody else and get a whole other two million dollars you think her kids are gonna hate her no i think that they're gonna be pretty happy that they're so fucking rich wait you guys want to hear the list of exes?

Sure. Does she have a kid with all of them? I don't know. Ben Simmons, Trey Songz, Jamal Murray. Trey Songz. Lil Uzi Vert. What do you know about Trey Songz? Tiga.

Drake. James Harden. Colin Kaepernick. Oh, wow. P.J. Washington. P.J. Washington is the one she just fucked over. So it is her. Yeah, yeah.

So does she have a kid with Drake? No. What's Drake's ugly ass kid's name? Shut the fuck up, bro. Adonis will bitch slap you, bro. Adonis. Yeah, Adonis will. Adonis A is in the gym more than you are hiding

a child let that boy come home that was like my favorite song for a while pusher t yeah that was so good what'd you like about pusher t so much because that song was a banger was it even a banger was it just like mean and illuminative it's a good ass song was it yeah have you never heard it i heard the song but i don't know. I forgot you're like Team Drake. Exactly. Do you like have that picture of you and Drake that he posted on his Instagram like framed? No. Should I get it? Someone sent me that and I never see like I

know you did that interview with him, but I never seen the picture of you guys that he posted. And I was very taken aback when I got that sent to me. Why were you taken aback? Because I was just like damn. How many pictures do you have on instagram probably only like 10 or 12 and you're one of them if there was if drake had an advent calendar i'd be one of the punch outs do you think if you asked him to come on the pod he would no now have you taught when was the last time you

talked to him uh probably then yeah then he went and posted a picture of you guys together yeah that's true he did and what do you comment like guys together. Yeah, that's true. He did. And what do you comment? The caption was like, Roan, baby to Prince. Yeah, it was. Dude. He was loving me.

He doesn't post pictures of a lot of people. I don't think he's ever even posted a picture with Drewski before. At the time, it was his most liked picture too. Really? Just because his smile was so big. Just because he was beaming so hard. It's got like over 100,000 likes. And at the time, that was some years ago. But at at the same time that was his uh was he that famous then what he was insanely famous he came to the press conference where we like uh talked to him

and there was like a fucking like maybe 500 people just crowding outside hoping to get a glimpse of him like he was the pope yeah like they just came hearing that he had been there and so like as we were as he was just inside and everybody else was waiting outside we kept on like sending out people with like coats over their head and they would like run through the crowd and the crowd would start screaming and like running after them us battle rappers fucked with that fucking crowd pretty good man that's crazy how long ago was this five years six years he was still really famous extremely famous he'd already worked with wan well he was fucking this was when uh fuck namaj minaj he'd been fucking hassan minaj for quite some time at that point they'd linked up heavily

at that point and uh i think it was when Views from the Six, he was like working on Views from the Six and it was right before. Damn. So this was after, what's it called? If you're reading this, it's too late.

It was right before if you're reading this too late, but people didn't know if you're reading this too late it was going to come out. So I think that, in my opinion, I think that's the album

that brought him to the next level. I think that might have been his best album too. I think that album was incredible. That's the only album I really listened to. I listened to every single song. Dude, but I was with some of his producers when I was in Toronto that time.

And they're like, dude, yeah, I think Drake's going to retire after Views from the Six. I think he's just going to start being an actor or something and just completely pivot off of music. Well, because that's what he wanted to do, right? He was a kid actor. I think he could have pivoted to being an actor, too. But it's like, why would you ever quit making music when people pay you fucking like hundreds of millions of dollars a year to do it?

Yeah. Making music is the best profession. Is it? I guess construction is pretty fucking sweet. You get to work outside. I mean, I feel like acting. Pop your shirt off, smoke cigs. If you're a good enough actor,

it's not like, all you gotta do is memorize lines. Yeah, but you have to become a good enough actor at that point. He's a good actor. Drake? Yeah, he was on SNL, right? And he was hilarious. Yeah, he's hilarious.

Yeah. He's good in those State Farm commercials. He's a very good actor. He's just a talented guy. He's like, I'm Drake from State Farm. That shit cracked me up. That shit's fucking funny. You know who's a terrible actor?

Patrick Mahomes. Yeah, he's terrible. He was awful in that ad. He's not good. You know who is a good actor, though Mahomes. Yeah, he's terrible. He was awful in that ad. He's not good. You know who is a good actor, though? Blake Griffin. You ever see Blake Griffin? Oh, I have.

I have. Frank the Tank hates him. Why? Oh, because he stinks for the Nets? He got pulled from the rotation for the Nets. Frank the Tank roasted his ass. Did he? Yeah.

In person. He did? Yeah. You've never seen that video? I don't know if I have. Frank the Tank goes up to him and he's like, I don't think you're that good anymore. I think he says he's like 75% as good as he used to be. That's what Frank says?

Yeah. I guess that's fair. Yeah. People aren't going to stay at their peak forever. He hated it. I fucking bet. Yeah. Imagine if someone said that to you.

He should get better. He can't. People do say that to me all the time. He's regressed though. He's an older guy now. He should get better. He can't. People do say that to me all the time. He's regressed, though. He's an older guy now. He should start taking steroids. You know who's old? LeBron James.

He's the greatest of all time. Yeah, that's true. He hasn't regressed at all because of his fucking work ethic. You know who's old? Tom Brady. Greatest of all time. He hasn't regressed either. He has.

I need to get in a fucking hyperbaric. No, he hasn't, bro. Shut the fuck up, bro. Talk about the goatee. Brady will be lucky if he ever even sees another ring That's coming as a fucking patch fan I know you're a fucking Mac Jones fan No We should have fucking Mac Jones on the fucking pod

I would take a bullet for Brady Really? I'm a big Brady fan List your top three quarterbacks That you would take a bullet for right now Tom Brady, Johnny Manziel And Mike Vick top three quarterbacks that you would take a bullet for right now? Tom Brady, Johnny Manziel, and Mike Vick. What is it about Manziel and Vick? Obviously Brady's the goat. Brady's the goat.

Manziel is just a beast. And Vick, good guy. He rehabbed his image. Yeah, he's a good guy. And he's, yeah, he's mobile. Bro bro he's just like one example of someone who can uh make some mistakes in life and come back dude who among us hasn't he didn't let those mistakes define him as a person you know that there's also there's just as many sinners he was murdering those dogs there's just as many sinners as saints in in church bro yeah exactly and and people should fucking take note of that shit that's real people should start going to church. We should turn this into a Catholic podcast. Or just like churches in general.

Because there's other... Are we talking about priests molesting children? You think they're still doing that shit? Dude, they just had like a... Didn't they just come out with like 300,000 priests or some shit? In like France? There was some big thing in France. Probably wasn't 300,000, but there was some big thing in france probably wasn't 300 000 but there was some big thing in france like a bunch of victims and priests they got some

fucking nerve still doing that shit dude it's crazy and they don't get fired they just get relocated to like uh get put on sick leave and they send them over to the vatican city which is like what i never understood that have we talked about this yes yes yeah we have we can't stop talking about it but that doesn't mean we are going to stop talking about it. We're going to be fucking spotlight on these pussies. All I was going to say is I still don't understand why you would get sent to the Vatican if you misbehaved, because the Vatican's way better than working at a church

in some local town in Massachusetts. I mean, it probably does suck for them a little bit, but it should suck way more than it does. They're probably just walking around like, Oh. I forget how it goes. I haven't been to church in so long. I've been fucking with Temple recently. How's Temple?

Good. Do they have gefilte fish? I don't know what that is. It's a Jewish fish. Well, we don't really discriminate among fishes. Y'all eat all fishes? No. Do Italians eat more fish or do Jewish people eat more fish? I have no idea.

I would assume neither. Do Italian people eat fish? Yeah, it's like a seven fish meal that they have. Really? For their Christmas. At Christmas, they have like seven different kinds of fish. Ew, gross. That is gross.

I love fish, but for some reason, planning a whole meal around seven different fish is disgusting. Yeah, loading them all on top of your own on your stomach like i don't want to have two different fish inside of me swimming around at the same time what do you have for dinner on christmas i feel like christmas dinner is like a is not good it's never good for some reason it's ham and it sucks yeah ham is bad yeah ham sucks ham is like a a good idea in the 1950s or something when you like couldn't get other meats. It's like you just have worse Thanksgiving dinner.

Yeah. Yeah. Or yeah, they replace turkey with ham and it's just like too thick or like too salty or like cutting little triangles of it and it's fucking dumb. Yeah. I feel like, I mean, Thanksgiving is based solely around the turkey and the meal. That's like what Thanksgiving is. It's about all about the dinner.

I feel like Christmas, you should just be able to have some lobster or some steak. Something awesome. Something good. And no one's ever had a steak for any... Yeah, tacos for Christmas would be fucking sweet. Some soft show. No one wants ham. At all.

But I feel like they make you have it no matter what. I do not like traditions. Traditions are just people making themselves do something shitty because their parents also did something shitty. Like, oh, it's tradition that we go over fucking Lisa's house and wear fucking stupid sweaters and pajamas. Fuck Lisa, you bitch. Yes, fuck Lisa. Hard. So they're in their fucking ugly pajamas.

Like, that shit does not make any sense. I do not want to participate in any traditions. How about a new tradition where I get to enjoy technology and stop singing Auld Lang Syne while a fucking candle burns wax all over my hand? Bro, I like Christmas. I don't know. You seem to hate it. Do you hate Santa Claus, too? He's fat.

He's fat and for no fucking reason. He's not even jacked fat. Did you see the Colorado tweet, the Colorado police tweet where they, like, gave Santa Claus, like, it was, like, a picture of, like like some dude dressed up as santa claus and he's like getting his his like open carry license yeah and they like tweeted it and they were like and like people were so mad what if he just like shot all the reindeer i don't know why they would do that and then did you see the video of them arresting the grinch the police oh i did that's the one i saw them arresting the grinch the grinch first off the grinch will fucking break out yeah the grinch is more police. That's the one I saw them arresting the Grinch. First off, the Grinch will fucking break out. The Grinch is

more devious than the Joker. He'll be out in a fucking ball of smoke. But I'd love to see Santa just in a hunting post with fucking Sidney Wells and White Sox Dave fucking shooting a 12-point Rudolph. That would be nice. Just a beautiful-ass Rudolph. Also, Santa Claus should look like

Dan Bilzerian. We should update the fucking body goals of Santa Claus because I feel like he was invented at a time where you had to be fat to be seen as prosperous. People had to be rosy and fucking chubby to show that they had enough money to eat. Now, the way that we signify it is you should be either skinny or fucking jacked,

but not a fucking fat ass. He should be built like Pete or fucking jacked but not a fucking fat ass they should he should be built like pete davidson covered in tattoos and just circles under his eyes just fucking really tired i mean that's more a more realistic santa he fucking stays up all night fucking once a year yeah he's probably looking at his phone reading everybody's lists off i wouldn't be surprised if they're like a whole like sexual misconduct thing came out about santa claus having all these little kids sit on his lap creep yeah just getting a little chody boner in his little fat velvet suit figure your shit out he's got a fat dick santa definitely he's chowed it out to the fucking socks i think he just doesn't have a dick because like, he's a myth.

Right. And he's not a human. But he's got a wife who seems very satisfied. He doesn't. And having a chody dick kind of lends itself to satisfaction. No, if he's a myth, dude, there's a chance that he's just got nothing. He doesn't. He obviously is not human because he's existed for thousands of years. There's a chance that it's just bare down there.

We need to go to it. No one knows if he pees. Let's go to a mall and dick check all the Santas and just see how they're packing. I know, we should. It probably... His package is probably too messy to fit in your hands. His package is probably like some fucking

sloppy ass cranberry sauce. Ew. You gotta grab it and it just smushes down. Gross. It's like a full can of cranberry sauce. What are you sliding around on? Tangled up in the wires. Should we do an ad? Yeah, we should do a fucking ad, bro. I'm trying to pay some fucking bills around here, bro. Time to pay these fucking bills, man. You know how the fuck it is. Get our minds right. I love to get my mind right.

Specifically, I like to get my mind right. Specifically, I like to get my mind right through Headspace, the number one meditation app in my life. I can't get enough of Headspace. Years ago, I went to the Headspace headquarters and I gave them a new meditation term, my very self. I said that their meditation is like being a ball of yarn that one person takes a piece of string from and they drop it and it just unspools into a comforting single string. And that's what it's like every single time I use Headspace. You're all knotted up in your brain. You might be thinking a little bit too much. You might have anxiety if you're thinking about the future, depression if you're thinking about the past. You just might be unsure about some things that are going on in your life, but there is never a bad time for you to crack open that Headspace app and use a little meditation. Maybe

it's in the morning, maybe it's before a big task, or maybe you need to decompress from something really big that's been going on in your life. But that I know for certain Headspace will be your best partner to getting a better mental space for you to be in every single day. When I first found Headspace, I was skeptical. I was skeptical if medication could help someone who's so fucked up in the head like me. And I didn't know if this was going to help. But for a few minutes each day, it has helped me feel better. From letting go of unnecessary stress to moving forward in life

without anxiety you really have to try it to feel the difference i believe you can change your life i've teamed up with my friends at headspace so you can experience it for yourself study proves in just two weeks headspace can reduce your stress by 14%. That's a lot. What the fuck? You can just get rid of 14% of your stress. Wait, that's so much of... That's most of my stress. I would say I'm about at 14 or 13%, which means it could eliminate all of my stress. Shut up, dude.

Find some Headspace at headspace.com slash sun and get one month free of their entire meditation library. This is the best Headspace offer in the world. 14% of 14%, which still leave you at like 12.6% stress. Yeah. Go to headspace.com slash sun today.

That's headspace.com slash sun today. That's headspace.com slash sun today. Today. Go to headspace.com. This says, disclaimer, failure to read highlighted items will result in death. Whoa. Say son the way people like you to.

Son. No, they don't like it like that. Son. Bro, I'm off of that shit. Yeah. This is no longer a comedy podcast. This is that new shit. Yeah, that shit was cringe.

This shit is about Santa Claus now. This weekend, Owen was on mushrooms okay this weekend owen was tripping on mushrooms like way too much he was freaking the fuck out and he comes up to me and his eyes are just like wide open and he's like dude i just thought of something and i was like what and he's like we need to kill joe rogan and i was like why would we do that he's like, we need to kill Joe Rogan. And I was like, why would we do that? He's like, bro, we killed Joe Rogan. It's us and call her daddy at the top of the charts every week. I mean, let's go through each other's Spotify wrapped. Where was where was Rogi's on your on your Spotify wrapped?

Four. It was three on mine. Really? Was he on yours? I listen on Apple to podcast. Good. Good. I was concerned by how many people we had listening on that. I listen on Apple to podcasts. Good, good. What was your Spotify rates?

I was concerned by how many people we had listening on that. It was like 32 million listeners. Yeah. It's crazy that when we do this podcast, 32 million people are listening. Every week. Every single week. That is so many. I can pull up all of the stats.

That's unique listeners. That's not plays. No, that was like mind blowing. I did not expect it to be that way. You know, that's almost a tenth of the U. mind-blowing i did not expect it to be that you know that's almost a tenth of the u.s population yeah that's insane so if like we're getting 32 million okay it said we had 32 million listeners we're in 176 countries and we had 443 million streams and we only have what 30 episodes yeah this is 32 i think it's 33 like fucking pippin bro so that's crazy because like

i don't know like i just can't imagine how many like joe rogan or call her daddy gets if we get 32 million an episode who uh who who else was on your five who else was on your top podcast mine was come town was number one tim dylan was number two tiny me gang was number three joe rogan was number four and then like a fan like a fan was number five what the fuck is a fan like a fan sound a fan noise machine oh that you sleep to yeah that's fucking weird i think i was jerking off come town matt and shane anus boy dad dp show fuck yeah dp was one for me too got us a little guilty pleasure i watch him on. Gotta listen to the fucking... I watch him on YouTube. Gotta listen to the boss man.

See if he's fucking rolling any heads around here. See who's on the fucking chopping block. I love to see that fucking inner office drama. DP, Matt and Shane. Dave Porto was number one? Yes, dude. He was also my number one. I threw him at five. What? You're kidding.

What do you mean? I listen every week. Are you guys sabot five. You're kidding. What do you mean? I listen every week. Are you guys sabotaging the podcast on purpose? What are you talking about? Dude, you should not be listening to him on Spotify. Listen to it on SoundCloud or some shit. Yours was... You didn't even have Son of a Boy Dad on yours. Because I don't listen to my own podcast.

So how are you sabotaging us? Because I'm not listening to Barstool Sports podcasts, bro. I also have a million dollars worth of game on there. Do you not? Jesus Christ. Well, you're a bigot. Whoa! You are, bro.

If you're not listening to a million dollars worth of game, that's bigoted. No, it's not. Yes, it is. Their live show looked fucking incredible. And I do listen to it. I listen to it on YouTube, as one should. You watch it on YouTube? Yeah.

Did you see them dance with the midget strippers? I thought that was old. Was it? Yeah, that's from their Philly live show. I think they're really posting about it, too. They probably just do it to every show. Did they see them dance with the midget strippers? I thought that was old. Was it? Yeah, that's from their Philly live show. They probably just do it to every show. Did they bring out the MSs? Did they bring out the LPSs? I'm not sure if you ought to say that anymore, bro.

The LPS? And don't cut that shit. I want people to know. I want people to hear it. That I said midget? Whoa. Whoa. Come on, bro.

You're bigoted. You're bigoted now. Sass, bro. You're bigoted. You're bigoted now. Sass, congratulations. You are no longer a bigot. Owen has the bigoted crown right now. Isn't it in Zaw's Twitter handle? And he's allowed to say it. That's like being like, didn't LeBron say the N word?

Yeah. Let's think. Let's use our heads for a second. Let's use our fucking. We're not the ones that are going to get fucking canceled. So what were yours? DP, Matt and Shane, Rogies, a million dollars worth of game, Comptown. You don't even listen to Comptown, bro.

You're not a cummy. You're not a comboy. A combucket. You're not a comboy. Those guys are funny, though. Yeah, cute little shop they're running over there. What, do they make Two billion dollars a month On Patreon

Or something like that They got the GDP Of Guatemala In their fucking Patreon Yeah Good guys It's pretty cool It's sick what the fucking

CIA did to fucking Guatemala though What'd they do? They fucking started An uprising At a banana factory Right there Really?

To like save our fucking Our fruit markets Or some bullshit In Gua Like they what So they destroyed Guatemala For the US Basically To benefit So we could keep on Getting cheap bananas right there really to like save our fucking our fruit markets or some bullshit in guadalajara what so they destroyed guatemala for the u.s basically so we could keep on getting sounds like it sounds like the cia doesn't it yeah fucking typical cia cheap yesterday i was ordering groceries online not really ordering some snacks and what snacks did you get don't worry about it you got pop pop tarts no yeah you got Wheathens. Wheathens?

What did you get? Wheathens? What? Wheathens? Wheathens. Wheathens. I got Wheathens. And apples were $1.29.

Banana was 69 cents. It's insane. Explain that to me. How does that make any fucking sense? How does that make sense? Because we're committing genocide in other countries as in the bananas. Yeah. Bananas shouldn't be something that we have to like go to war for. Just plant some banana trees or something.

I think we just had a bloodlust. I think we were just thirsty for war and we're like, ah, we'll go to war for these bananas. I was watching drone strike videos yesterday. What music was it set to? None. It was just raw footage. Oh, really? Well, so there was no

sound then no there was sound so they must have added the sound after no it wasn't it wasn't it wasn't pov from the drone it wasn't infrared footage no it was pov from the troops makes you wonder how the troops knew that there was going to be a drone strike because they called it in okay that makes or it wasn't even a drone actually it was just like a bombing oh you're just watching bombings? It was like... Could have watched your stand-up set, bro. It came up on my recommended and it was like... It was funny.

Or it wasn't funny. It was devastating. Funny how? Well, it was just like weird. Like they're like blowing up these Taliban snipers. They're like, that'll teach us not to mess with the U.S. And they just like kept on looking to the camera and like saying shit like that yeah clearly he's never met my guys as they like blow up a whole entire village of innocent children it's hard not to have a good ass catchphrase after you drop a fucking

devastating bomb anything you say will have an impact yeah it doesn't even matter if you like stumble and stutter into the camera like the damage has been done yeah perfect way to cure a stutter just said something completely unrelated or no you i guess like what would you say like you turn the camera and you're like checkmate wasted yeah that's it that's the type of shit james bond is always on like he'll like chop off somebody's dome and he'll be like, looks like they lost their head. Nothing to lose your head about, old chap.

He loves to have some pithy shit after he fucking kills somebody. Don't spill your guts, old chap. Intestines falling out all over the place. I can't think. Time to keep a good head on your shoulders, old boy. You think that secret agents in the U.S. are really handsome, or do you think that they're so plain and borderline ugly

that nobody notices who they are? You think there's hot boys with blue eyes being secret agents? No, I think they probably... But they have to be in good shape. Right, but they can't be in too good of shape. Yeah, they can. You think that they have six-packs? Yeah. Or do you think it's functional good shape right but like they can't be in too good of shape yeah they can you think that they have six packs yeah or do you think it's like functional good shape six packs i don't think the secret agents have six packs i think that'd be the a true giveaway if they were like walking around

and fucking like they're walking around with like their shirts off maybe they are though like tucking a fucking dude if you saw like a dude at the beach with like his shirt off you wouldn't be like he's a secret agent yeah but at my like cia for sure my antennas would be up though i'd be like uh what's going on here why is that guy so fucking hot with such a small bikini yeah true like if i saw james bond walking off the beach just looking absolutely shredded i'd be like uh something's up there but if i just saw like a kind of in shape like flabby white guy who just had like thick ankles like i i wouldn't i wouldn't be any the wiser that's a better secret agent and the folks over at langley should know that i'm surprised you never got tapped to be a fucking secret agent or at least coding or some shit i know dude some people get recruited right out of

high school isn't that crazy that is crazy what do they tell people what do they tell everybody uh i actually looked at a reddit thread of this recently oh i have a whole thing to talk about with reddit um i looked at a reddit thread of this recently and apparently it's like uh it depends on what position you are in like the cia or the fbi but like a lot of people like i heard stories people being like oh my two neighbors like we always thought that they were like normal like had normal jobs or they like they like lied about their jobs and they found out that both of them were in the cia no way yeah like they told them after they retired that they were like russian spies or some shit that's fucking crazy my sister uh she like does like naval surface warfare or some shit

like that and when she was getting hired they were like interviewing my parents like doing background checks on my with my parents and i was like oh fuck they're gonna like call me up and do a background check like they're gonna fucking have to ask me like if my sister's fit to be in it and they just never called they probably like checked in my file and they're like this guy's a fucking stoner ass loser we don't need to talk to him if we even talk to him it'll probably just ruin the entire operation investigation yeah so they just left me out i never got to find out about it what were they uh what were the neighbors like? Remember that show,

The Americans or whatever? It was two Russians, basically spies, who were just sitting in their house pretending to be good Americans. I wonder how often that shit's going on. I think it happens more often than you think. Yeah. Someone here could be in the CIA

and this could just be a front. What a fucking waste. Who do you think it would be I don't know Pete? TJ? TJ? yeah I mean if you're really good at computers Quigs maybe? Quigs could definitely

no cause Quigs would have been like I think he's done some things that the CIA wouldn't approve of you think there's some funny ass people in the CIA or do you think everybody's just dead serious? With his technology skills? Yeah, he probably would have photoshopped Saddam Hussein's face onto George Bush

or some goofy shit. Some goofy shit like that? Some fucking funny ass shit. Some fucking goofy terroristic shit. Dude, so when I was in like seventh grade, I saw a ghost for the first time. Shut the fuck up.

Do you guys believe in ghosts? No. No. Okay, never mind. All right, let's get into the story. Yeah, yeah, let's get into your occult shit. I mean, I've seen videos. This is a crazy story.

I've seen videos where people have been convinced there's a ghost, and I'm convinced there's not. But I've also seen videos that are like pretty legit looking. Okay. So I didn't even think this was a ghost at the time. That was a person. So I was, uh, I was sitting in my cousin's basement when I was in like seventh grade. Okay. Maybe it could have been sixth or seventh or no, it could have been seventh or eighth

grade. And, uh, we were sitting there and like my cousins have their basement set up. So there's like a finished side and there's like a door and there's like a smaller unfinished side where like the furnaces and all that shit. And, uh, and the door to the, I was sitting,

so I was like all the way across the basement, but I could see the door to the unfinished side and it was open. Okay. And we're like sitting there watching a movie and I like look across and I see a man standing at the door with like his head peeking around the door like around like the doorframe like looking at me okay and he had like a top hat on and like a suit oh that is a ghost yeah that does sound like and then no you got to hear the whole story okay and then uh I like rubbed my, and he was still there.

And then five seconds later, he just walked away into the darkness. Did anyone else see him? No, just me. I didn't tell anyone for a year because I was so scared. Was he translucent, opaque, or was it just a real person? It was a real person. Could you see through him? No.

Did you feel haunted? No, I felt very scared for a second and then i just like ignored it and i think i moved my seat so i couldn't see into that that area anymore what is it about ghosts that love unfinished basements no i have to continue the story i don't know i'm happy for you to finish it i'm happy for you to finish this yeah keep going no no because it gets so so the reason i'm talking about this right now is that my sister uh like looked something up or something and saw something online apparently it's like a real thing this dude and like people see him all the time and there's like a whole reddit thread and i was looking at the reddit thread it's literally exactly what i saw it's the same ghost yeah and the same area no like they'll they'll just see him standing there is it lincoln no they'll just see him standing there and uh and

like he won't move or anything and that'll be it and then like apparently there's like a whole twilight zone episode about it they call him the hat man what the fuck i always called him the man in the top hat like i've talked about this for years because i'm so positive that i saw it are you sure you didn't start believing that you saw it after you read the reddit thread dude i i i've told you watching a scary movie no dude i told my i've told my family about this many times like everyone like all my friends and stuff i told them all about it because i'm so positive that i saw it and then last week my sister sent me the reddit thread on like thursday or some shit and do you uh did your family believe you oh yeah they know that you wouldn't lie about some shit like that no what the fuck it's crazy did you feel haunted you didn't feel like any

kind of spook or chill when i saw him or like no the most scared i've gotten was after i read the reddit thread because you're like oh this is fucking real yeah dude there's like 4 000 people in the reddit thread and they've all seen it, this is fucking real. Yeah. Dude, there's like 4,000 people in the Reddit thread. And they've all seen it? Yes. That's fucking weird. I know. It's like a sleep paralysis demon.

I swear to God. They say it's the devil. But he was just chilling. He was just like checking up on you. Yeah. I think he just like... Just checking up on my boy. What's up, my boy?

They say that he feeds off of fear. How old were you? I was probably like 13. Maybe 12. The devil knew you'd be a good soldier yeah he did dude i'll pull up i can read i can read one of the things please pull up the thread this boy's gonna be good i'll be back to get you later on i can read it it was crazy first let's let's get you a fledgling stand-up comedy career and a decently successful podcast then i will come for you at the pirate ship.

Did you sell your soul? Does the fucking boss man know? I can't find it. What if it was just Dave in a top hat? I'll be back to get you later. What the hell is this? Okay, there's only 2,400 people on it. Okay.

All right, let's see. What was the last thing that's posted? What's the top post? Give us the detail that they can describe about you. About what you've seen. Alright, fuck. Did you believe in ghosts before that? Was the devil what? No.

That's where I'm a little lost because these people don't say that they saw, like a lot of people don't say that they saw his face. But I saw his face and he was smirking was he oh yeah did he have facial hair uh no if the devil had a neck beard i think he was such a pussy oh my god yeah if the devil was just like a keyboard warrior with fucking cheetos on his hands and he just had a thick ass neck beard some glasses and like cummy jeans the fact that like i've always referred to him as the

man in the top hat and then people other people call him hat man like doesn't that like that's crazy why how he was that was his only uh signifying feature right yeah dude like this is fucking insane i mean maybe you saw a ghost maybe you saw a ghost all right well i'll own can you cut out the dead space while I look for this? If I look for this? Yeah. No, just look for it. Just look through it.

I'll keep on talking myself because I have questions about it and I'm equally curious. I just want to find a good one. I don't want to read a dumb one because some of these people are straight up schizophrenic. That's what I mean. Why aren't you schizophrenic? One of the posts was just like, you won't leave me alone. Oh, yeah. It just says, get out of my head repeatedly.

Oh. And he says he is all, he is all seeing. He is God and the devil. Oh. He sounds like a bitch. Yeah. So like obviously that was. He sounds like a little like sneaky hide and go seek little bitch that he's like coming

to the door and then as soon as somebody sees him, he like scurries away and giggles behind the bushes. And he also lives on fear. That's also bitch made too. Like, why don't you come around some brave people one time? Come around somebody

who's got a fucking set of stones on him. I read one about this kid who like went and, and like straight up just like walked up to him and then he just like walked away. That's what I mean. Like if he's only,

he's only messing with the brave or he's only messing with the brave or he's only messing with the scared come up and fuck with somebody who's who's not afraid of you see what happens all right fuck i can't find a good one my let's just read this one oh never mind are none of them this one says he's on 700 milligrams of edibles that's what I mean, dude. You were not seeing anything. It sounds like there's not one legitimate account

of this dude. Okay. Last night was the first time I saw him. Hey, nope, this doesn't work. See, dude? Nobody fucking saw him. Okay, bringing back childhood memories that I wish would have stayed forgotten. So this is basically exactly what happened to me, because I didn't even think about this.

I'm getting goosebumps just thinking about this and reading other stories. Until today I had never heard of the hat man. Let alone been face to face with him. I was scrolling. I was scrolling through Facebook when I scrolled past a drawing of him. And read this person's encounter with him. And suddenly I remembered it all. He was always standing in the same spot.

I don't remember when he showed up or when he left. But I'll never forget how it felt being around him. He was always standing right next to me. He was always standing in the right half of my basement. In the left corner. He was next to my coat rack with that evil hat and I froze. What I thought I was seeing was the

Jeepers Creepers. At least it's what I told my grandma. I'd cry and scream every time she'd let me, she'd try and have me go down there. I was always, it was always about his Jeepers Creepers hat that petrified me. My grandma kept telling me over and over again, it was just a top hat on top of the coat rack. I just knew there was something evil about the hat. So I'd always demand to know whose hat it was. And she gave me some bullshit story. I can't remember when the last time I saw him was but eventually i went down there and the hat was gone along with the man of course months later i finally got the courage to go into that half of the basement i always stayed in the doorway i searched that basement and never found the hat but as a kid i just brush it off and that was the last time I ever thought about the hat until last night.

I honestly believed it was a hat on top of a trench coat and I had a vivid mind. And that I was just imagining my worst nightmare lurking in the dark at the time. The Jeepers Creepers. Tonight, I learned that there's something scarier than the Jeepers Creepers. He was always in the exact same spot every time. He never moved. He never spoke. He was.

Is this a different post? The years moved. moved mine did move others have seen him too now i can think of is what is he what does he want those hats have to be uh like i don't know why those are the spookiest hats they should be less spooky because like they're just for short kings to feel taller right for like those types of like a stove top hat like that's just for like short dudes to feel like they're like actually tall as fuck. I'm interested to see if any of the listeners have seen him as well. Yeah, please. Yeah. This is real, bro. I mean, you're probably going to see him. The sleep paralysis demon. Do you know what I'm talking about?

The sleep paralysis demon. I wasn't asleep. But I'm saying, but that is the same thing that like a lot of people have seen this exact same thing and they can draw him. And like everybody will have seen the same thing that like a lot of people have seen this exact same thing and they can draw him and like everybody will have seen the same thing it's like in the psychological in the recesses of the brain um so maybe this shit is is real maybe everybody's actually seeing him but also like what is he doing he's just like behind you he's just giving a creepy ass look he's behind you dude when we were in mexico i uh we like there there are these sick ass glasses it was like this fucking bronze goblet that you could drink out of it was like an owl yeah and uh we stole it from the bar and brought it home and uh yeah then you woke up and it was gone no i keep on

like setting it up like to like be looking at my wife when she wakes up and she'll be like did you put that there i'll be like no i was fucking in the other room did you put it there that's hilarious keep on putting it across from her just like staring at her that's so funny and yesterday i was watching tv and she just like i didn't see her do it either but it was just like right next to me on the fucking right next to me on the couch where i was sitting and she walked in the other room was like look at that fucking thing and i really don't think that she moved it dude i think the owl might be real too damn it was wearing it sounds like you guys have a fun relationship healthy yeah one can only dream yeah bro dream for something like inside jokes you

know what i mean no one's even supposed to hear that funny ass shit no one's supposed to even fucking know about how fucking funny life is bro i usually don't even you just got it made bro yeah bro we're just laughing all We got it all figured out. Damn. She cooks and cleans and tells all the jokes. When you have a kid, can I be the godfather? Alright. Fuck yeah. Well, actually, no. Can you be the godmother? Would you settle for godmother?

No. How about god? You know I have a dick, bro. How about godbrother? Yeah, I'd do godbrother. What about godcousin? That's what Abe Miranda is. No, he's God brother. No, he's God cousin. No, he's God cousin.

In a recent blog post, he was labeled as God brother. He probably, maybe Frank said that because everyone said that a God cousin wasn't a real thing. And so he upgraded him to God brother. A God cousin is just like your neighbor. Just someone that you know. You think it'd be gay to give your kid two godfathers if they were both and no godmother like both godfathers can your best man be a girl yeah definitely i think a lot of people do that shit yeah bro do i have veins

in my fucking arm bro yeah bro you're jacked you got that man strength i got yeah dad strength i can't wait for my dad strength To kick in Or dad dick Yeah What's dad dick like You're not there yet You'll get there Within a couple years I'm hoping for dad pubes Dad dicks have

Dads have big old dicks Girth I'm hoping for a Set of dad pubes That just completely Obscures my dick Yeah You can't even see it

It looks like A vagina Like a It looks like a puss Yeah it looks like a puss Like that There's no discernible Like bump of penis or balls in there. The coolest part about being a dad is putting your hand up on the wall when you piss at a urinal.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, that shit is incredible. My mom does that now. I don't even use urinals, bro. I don't know. I also don't get tired, bro. Really? I feel like such a fucking legend.

I never fucking slow down, bro. You're always tired. I'm always tired. You're. I never fucking slow down, bro. You're always tired. I'm always tired. I think I have a vitamin deficiency or something. You definitely do. You don't see the sunlight. Now. And never. And you don't take steps. And I don't take steps.

You don't breathe outside air. Nope. Hopefully I will soon because we're moving to the village. Wait, is that shit true? What is true? We're moving to the village wait is that shit true what is true what's true we're moving to west village is that true yeah and you prioritize location over the living space it's literally like not even that much smaller than our apartment now like my our rooms are the same size how are you going to keep all your like trash your built on your fucking

beef jerky and your laundry where's all that going to go do you have enough floor space to have it all or you're just going to make the pile denser? It'll be a denser pile. No, I'm hoping to get my life together when I move. Clean start. Get out of that fucking dump of an apartment that we live in now. I hate it. Is it actually that bad? It actually makes me angry.

How shitty it is. What are you going to be living by in the East Village? We're living in the West Village, bro. Get your facts right. Big difference. What's the difference? Big difference. What's the difference? Is it more expensive or less expensive? Rich people live in West Village.

Poor people live in East Village. And you're going to be in East Village. You do need to use sneakers. No, we're living in West Village. They said that the sneakers would come with the apartment. Maybe we'll get them for him for his Christmas. For his Christmas. They're coming for the apartment.

And we're going to pitch in for your Hanukkah. I'm Jewish, bro. That's why we're going to get you a Hanukkah present. You have a Jewish Happy Hanukkah once. Dude, everybody just wears golden gooses. Those are the Starbucks. Yeah we're going to pitch in for your Hanukkah. I'm Jewish, bro. That's why we're going to get you a happy Hanukkah once. Dude, everybody just wears golden gooses. I was at the Starbucks. Yeah.

Wait, who does? Oh, and you're... I'm going to be going in and causing a scene. Look who's in town. At the Starbucks? I'm going to stir shit up. This is your Bob Dylan era.

I know. You can't go to fucking Starbucks if you're in a Bob Dylan era. You think Bob Dylan would have ever gone to Starbucks? Yeah, and he would fucking drink his own coffee and smoke cigarettes. Yeah, right. No way he would have ever gone to Starbucks.

Stop it, bro. You need to go to some off-the-beaten-path fucking... You don't know shit about Bob Dylan, bro. Yes, I do. He would hate you. I saw the TikTok of all the places where he lived. In Greenwich, bro. Exactly.

You're not in Greenwich. May as well be. We're like a block away. Yeah, but you're not in there. Whoa. Who lives in Brooklyn? Jay-Z. Really?

Yeah, bro. That's who you got? Yes, bro. Jay-Z's here. He's under the table, and Bob Dylan is up here. But if you add him and Biggie, then they're both taller than Bob Dylan. Is Biggie alive still? Don't disrespect fucking Biggie, bro.

I'll have fucking bad, bad boys from Marcy on your fucking helmet, bro. You know who is alive? Bob Dylan. Is he? Yeah. What has he been doing?

He just put out, he just did it. He just did shows at the Beacon the other day. You're thinking of Jack Harlow. Jack Harlow's the GOAT. Jack Harlow actually is from Greenwich Village too.

He was just in fucking the village saying what's popping at the fucking... Of course y'all wasn't tuned in back then. Moi? I like partially discovered Jack Harlow.

I followed him when he had like 20k on Twitter. And I was before that bro. I thought Mantis found him. Mantis was early in on him. And I was before that, bro. Mantis found him. Mantis was early in on him. But I was fucking, dude, I was fucking early in on him. I was the first one to gatekeep him.

I was the first one to hear new people listening to him and be like, I actually already heard of him. You just started gatekeeping him. You might have listened first, but you weren't gatekeeping then. Is it true he was in our office like years ago and there was a little lack of respect? Not for me. I just wasn't in town at the time.

December 31st, 2019. Jack Harlow. You are hilarious. To you? Yeah. Damn. In private? A DM? Jack, wow. I love you.

I'd love to suck your whole dick. What the fuck does that say? And then I just said, thank you. Why'd you have to say whole dick? Yeah, why is whole different than... I would say you'd love to bury your eyes... I think the deep throat was assumed. Yeah.

I was like, bro, you're next up looks-wise. I would do that noise if I could, but but i can't i can't roll my tongue jack come on the pod bro didn't don't oh you're gonna show me your messages with him oh no october 4th 2018 no way you have messages from 2018 on that phone i don't 28 oh it's twitter oh and look who dm'd him first yeah i was asking where he's at oh that's embarrassing why that's mortifying because i'm i wasn't afraid to fucking say so it's mortifying of him to have dm'd you first a little bit yeah why because it is i don't dm have DM'd you first? A little bit, yeah. Why? Because it is.

See, you gotta let him know I don't DM first. Exactly, because you think you're better than everybody. Just kidding. I then DM'd him after, and I said, yo, bro, really love that shit that you're doing. Big fan, keep it up. And he was like, oh, fuck it. This is my sign to keep going. And then he slowly stopped answering my DMs.

Yeah, because he kept on doing it. It was a goat. Y'all wasn't tuned in back then. Do you know what that means? Do you get that reference? Tuned in? Oh, no, you're not even a real Harlow fan, are you? You don't know the reference that I'm saying?

Y'all wasn't tuned in back then? Yeah, I was, bro. Bro, you peaked in high school, bro. What the fuck are you talking about? then? Yeah, I was, bro. Bro, you peaked in high school, bro. What the fuck are you talking about? The fuck do you mean, bro? The fuck are you talking about? And I'm not a fucking... I was pumped to see Harlow win that award at the Variety.

I'm not about to put everybody's business out the fuck there like you are, bro. I don't really think I'm putting anyone's business out there. That's true. I don't really think I'm doing that. I think you are bro i don't really think i'm putting anyone's business out there that's true i don't really think i'm doing that um i think you are bro all right we got six more ads so i guess we should do one yeah i was about to fucking pull i can't believe we have 15 ads on this episode what the fuck is this shit from gas i know i saw that shaving your cock and balls can be tough ho ho ho from the fellas naughty or nice

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All right. Tell us a little bit about the roast beef house. What do you mean? You know what I mean. How do you know about that? Ye old ale house? How do you know about that? Bro, we've been talking to people and they want to know about the roast beef house.

Who have you been talking to? Someone DM'd me and they were like, my brother used to work with Roan at the roast beef house. What's their name? Can't tell. Dude, I used to fucking work at this place called Ye Old Ale House. Cutting roast beef. Yeah. Au jus? Au jus? You'd think it was an au jus, but it's actually a gravy.

And a gravy's different from an au jus because an au jus is thin, but the way that we would fucking cut this beef sass, so fucking thin you would see through it. Did you guys use a machine? Hell no. All hand cut.

All hand cut. We'd take a 60-pound steamship round of beef that's a massive cut right off the flank, and we'd slap it in an absolute tub of gravy. Then break that thing down. The softest pieces would be right at the peak, and you would fucking shave that thing down, and it'd be fatty unctuous and delicious we cut you a rare slice so fucking thin it would be like a deck of cards and slap it onto a fucking upside down mug sitting in all the gravy and then we'd open it up like a phone book

and slap gravy through each level of roast beef in that thing it is the most delicious thing you'll ever eat in your life they still we gotta take a field trip yeah they still in business bro they were saved by the fucking barstool fund first of all really really yeah we linked them up with the barstool fund but also i mean wait didn't they scan the system no no no it was the ones that scammed. Not them. They're a legit above board, family owned, family operated. They got bought by Arby's. Dude, Arby's. Do you know that Arby's roast beef is literally liquid? Yeah.

If you've had this roast beef, this is real roast beef. Arby's, if you have this, you'll never eat Arby's again. I've never had Arby's. Did the Mike's work with you? One of them did. One of them did, yeah. We used to, bro, we were so fucking joyous when we worked. A guy came in one time and he had written a book called On about being on when you work,

about always being fucking fully turned on and turned up. And he came back to us and he was like, you're a personification of on. And he signed the fucking book, gave it to us. We put it behind the bar. It was fucking beautiful, dude. signed the fucking book, gave it to us. We put it behind the bar. It was fucking beautiful, dude. No one's ever fucking enjoyed and taken advantage of a job as much as we did at the roast beef spot. That's kind of how I felt when I was in my glory days working at a pizza place that I worked at. Yeah. Before they fired me. You weren't making anything, were

you? Were you preparing food? I was making pizza. Really? I was a pizza man. Really? Oh yeah. There's lots of different types of pizza man, though. The guy who answers the phone is the pizza man. The guy who delivers it is the pizza man. The guy who puts the toppings on is the pizza man. Oh, no. But the true pizza man is the one who's fucking pushing out the dough. Fucking.

Well, we don't. We didn't. I don't know what that rolling motion was. This? We use hands only. This is me making a circle with my hands. You went like this. Like a rolling pin or whatever it's called

well you've never been to Lucali in Brooklyn bro they use a wine bottle I used to be so good that's my favorite pizza ever see see Owen knows waited hours for that

and Owen's a foodie bro I usually start it off with this and just give one of these yeah what about this thing with the hands and you fucking

do that after so you start off with that and then you go like this and you you like you move it around the table and then that's usually what I do and you kind of do it like this and you get a little yeah and then you go like this and you move it around the table and then that's usually what I do. And you kind of do it like this and you get a little.

Yeah. And then you fuck it a little bit. Yeah, exactly. Then you put a whole sleeve of pepperoni in there and then you take the pepperoni out and you put it back in. Usually after this one, that's when I start going in the air. It really is all. That's a good rhythm that you have in there good it's all in that it's all in that yeah and then after that

i uh you ever throw it in the air it's done can you throw it in the air oh yeah i would throw it in the air all the time that's just hard it's done you don't even cook it no and then obviously then you get the sauce you put the sauce on cheese so yeah not done it works no so it's not done so not done and then you put it in the oven for six spin it after six again 12 minutes she's good to go so a lot of the places we went

they'd send it through on a conveyor so guess what you were working at chains no it was called Gumby's in Penn State yeah

it was a fucking chain it was a chain no it was a fucking chain Gumby's bro I had a Gumby's where I was growing up too that was the guy bro. Gumby's, bro. I had a Gumby's where I was growing up, too. That was the guy from fucking Gumby.

I have no idea what that means. You don't know what Gumby is? Oh, Gumby, the green guy? Yeah, the green guy. The stick of gum? Yeah, you're kind of built like Gumby. Fucking jacked? Nah, nah. I've been in the gym, bro.

I fucking never took the days off, bro. That's why I'm fucking vascular right now. I know. I took a week off. We're going to be doing two episodes this week, right? Are we? I might go to Boise State next week. So should we put out the one from the end of the week? Yeah, next week maybe.

Next week. Unless you want to come to Boise with me. It's Boise. It's literally 10 hours away. Like it's faster to get to Hawaii than it is to get to Boise with me. It's Boise. It's literally 10 hours away. Like it's faster to get to Hawaii than it is to get to Boise. You have to drive. No, Boise.

You know where Boise is? You know where we are? Idaho brother. You know where Idaho is? Oh, wait, why are you on there for the, the Arizona bowl prep?

Damn. They do like a story on one of the teams. We passed on a live show there. Did we really? Do you want to do one? They have a lot of mormons out there i'd love to do a mormon show you know what the mormons like sex with multiple partners multiple wives yeah but none before they get wise but once you get wives you can have sex with everybody as long as they're your wife you can have as many as you want. It's like fucking Pokemon. Yeah. Collect up wise. Are you going to the Arizona Bowl?

Yeah. And we're not? No, you're not. Oh, okay. Do you want to? Not at all. Why not? What are you doing for New Year's?

You're not doing shit for New Year's. Moving. On New Year's? Yep. That fucking sucks. You should go to the ball drop in Times Square. Yeah, no thanks. The ball is so fucking small, dude. How do you know? Because you can see it. years yep that fucking sucks you should go to the ball drop in time square yeah no fucking and the ball is so fucking small dude how do you know because you can see it it's up right now it's

always up really oh yeah dude when i was younger i was telling this to oh when i was younger and they were like oh they're gonna drop the ball i don't know why i assumed that it was just like this like massive massive glass ball that would just like free fall from the top of the building and then just explode when it hits the ground. I was so convinced that's what it was, and then I remember the first time I saw it, it's like the size of a fucking globe. You had a lot of

cockamamie ideas as a youth. Yeah. And you expect me to believe some fucking Abraham Lincoln top hat story? Wait until you see him. He's coming for you next. I will bitch slap him. I'm going to dress up like him and sneak into your apartment.

I do think we might be victim shaming. Why? Harry's experience. I don't care if we're victim shaming. I'm not a victim. It wasn't a traumatic experience.

You sound like you're a Vic. You got a Vic mentality. If you were approached by the devil, you would be a victim. Another Vic. Bro, if I was approached by the devil,

you guys would have another thing coming for you. You're Mike Victim, bro. I claim you bro claim you boys claim me then no no ghost no ghost is gonna imagine getting haunted by a ghost like what are they gonna do break a plane a pane of glass around you possess you no they don't oh this is not good who's even if you don't believe this shit dude it's better it's best just to not talk about it. Maybe I'm possessed by one right now. And maybe I'm the devil trying to convince you I'm not real. Very well likely. Exactly.

With your dumb ass. Get convinced of anything. Look, brother. This is a losing battle for you. How? What will a haunting ever happen? We got a lot of ghost fans in our fan base. I know, dude.

And I just can't let it abide, dude. I can't just stand by. So you don't believe in ghosts at all? No. Dude, really? Why do you believe in them? Because I've seen them. What did it do to you?

Why are you scared of it? Have you seen more than one? I thought I saw one another time, but I don't think I did. It's just a flat sheet. There was some creepy lady walking down the street in a full-on wedding dress,

and then I turned around and she was gone. But I think that might have just, I don't know. It was in Cape Cod too, which is like there's so many ghosts there. Are there? Yeah. Why? Because they don't have any new construction?

Yeah. Dude, ghosts are so scared of new construction. I know. There's no ghosts at our apartment, which is nice. Is your new apartment new construction? Or is it like some old ass... Our apartment right now is new construction. What about your next apartment?

It's literally plastic. The walls are made out of paper. I love that new paper construction. You could just punch a hole right through the wall. You should on your way out. Especially with the way that your landlord's manhandled you the entire time. Oh, do you think we can talk about... Yeah, you can.

Saturday or now? There's no way he's going find he's gonna find this what happened go for it we're not gonna see him ever again either our super came over on saturday or sunday saturday saturday our super came over on saturday night to show the apartment yeah saturday morning yes to show the apartment and uh he's like wanted to hang out and like get a drink with us for a while. He's the one that always leaves notes being like, hey, what beer do you like? I'll bring over a six pack. And. To split with the seven of you.

Yeah. So. He was showing an apartment. We left. We like had to be out by like 11. We got to go back at like 1130. We just like went to the deli across the street and sat there and then uh and then he can't we got back he said we were good to come back we assumed he was going

to be gone he was still there talking on the phone in our apartment and then we like go up and he sits down he talks to us and he stayed and talked to us for two hours. I would say for what? I'd say the second half of the two hours, the last hour was almost complete silence the entire time. You just really wanted to hang out. And then Owen kept on being like, oh, we got to go at like two

blah, blah, blah. And it was like 150 and he was showing no signs of leaving. Yeah, that's the kind of thing where i would just leave my own apartment and just like hoping he would leave i'd leave go across the street and watch the door until he left and just i went into my bedroom and got changed like two or three times yeah and then he like oh and gave him a truly and uh that's a bad that's a bad sign that was like right when he got here that was right when they got there he gave him a truly he took him maybe

like an hour to drink it like it looked like he was just saving on to that last drop so he didn't have to leave and then as soon as he finishes the truly he goes can i get a water he's like i drank that way too fast and it took a whole hour drunk so he badly wanted to hang out with you so much that and then lie about what he was drinking and then after he left, Owen got some concerning messages from him. Just like inviting him to hang out in the Hamptons and shit. He was inviting you,

Owen? He wanted to fuck Owen. Owen is the man. He invited my girlfriend. Oh. Um, Kate? Yeah, the story feels mean. Maybe a Rothy's ad? Rothy's? Should we take it out? You say Rothy's? He's not going to hear it. Rothy's Wade? Rothy's? Should we take it out? You say Rothy's?

He's not going to hear it. Rothy's Wade? He could hear it. Rothy's Wade. Who could? I mean, he took a long time to drink a drink. You haven't said anything bad. Maybe he wants to fuck your girlfriend.

Is that so bad, Owen? No, I hope he does. He's a good guy. Fuck. Honest. I don't know why you're shying away from this story you just don't want

to be mean to him in case he hears it no because he listens to everything you do I yeah I don't want him to like show up

in my house and murder me but sometimes when somebody wants to be friends so bad they can't really understand the like

boundaries that somebody might have and I think that that boundary number one would probably be like he's 35 and and we're like 20 doesn't bother me but uh i think that uh i think that some people are just some people are just punishers and uh they don't know when to not have the conversation and I think that

it wasn't that bad I feel like now it's going to make me have to be like a dick I talked to him the entire time no you didn't you and dudes both went silent after like 40 minutes I carried it for the last hour and 20 I didn't know what the hell we were doing he just went down into his phone

they were both just on their phones we were out late the night before. We had to, we like, it was like I woke up like five minutes before and I was like, we gotta go. But you more than Dukes and Owen talk for a living. Yeah, that's why I'm not talking off the clock. You're gonna have to pay me for this, brother. I was exhausted. I was exhausted, bro.

You're always exhausted though fucking waking up exhausts you I don't think we were like dicks at all allowed to riff on someone behind their back bro it's a comedy podcast exactly bro that's what we did to Bryce Hall

he wants to fucking brawl out at Ruff and Rowdy sorry we riffed on you behind your back dude take a little riffing you see that Griffin Johnson is the star of a movie, bro? Stoolies Clubhouse is going to have a fucking field day with that clip. Yeah, they are. Just because we talked about Bryce Hall's pussy ass for a second. Well, I'm out on that.

That's all you. That's all you. Just because we talked about Bryce fucking limping around being a bitch all day. If I saw Bryce right now, bro, I would shake his hand. Let me shake your hand you shake his hand until he left the room and then start talking shit about him again no dude that's not like me i'm not like that yes for a comedy podcast as you are bro that's not fucking that's the ethos of this show only for a comment that's the mission statement of this show we will talk shit on you behind your back but as soon as you walk in the door we'll make it so calm and comfortable for

you that you'll never realize that we were the dastardly dudes that were talking shit on you the whole time. We'll make it so comfortable. Damn. Are you coming at my fucking? I don't like that people we know can listen to this. I wish it went out to only strangers.

What do you mean? Who do you know that's, you don't like your girlfriend hearing that you just said you wish that your landlord doesn't care about that? That's fine. We can take a joke. Which people are you talking about, Owen?

Probably our super, if I had to guess. You don't even know him. Plus you're moving out. No, we're just like acquaintances. You think you've got acquaintances that are listening into this? Yeah, that weirds me out. I think that you should take pride in it. Dude, I got people from my hometown posting Quaintances. You think you've got quaintances that are listening into this? Yeah, that weirds me out. Yeah? I think that you should take pride in it. Dude, I got people from my hometown posting their Spotify wrapped with our podcast as their number one.

That's fire. And I'm like, bro. We're the same age, bro. I did not fuck with you like that in high school. Bro, you work at Dairy Queen now, bro. Don't be listening to my shit, bro. Bro, listen to Smartless. Bro, you're in fucking college, bro. Don't listen to my shit unless you now, bro. Don't be listening to my shit, bro. Bro, listen to Smartless. Bro, you're in fucking college, bro. Don't listen to my shit unless you graduated, bro.

There's actually literally two people who I was friends with in high school. They're gonna know who they are now. I was kidding. I was legitimately, it was people that I was friends with. Bro, don't try and, you're gaslighting me right now. You're gaslighting me with your eyes.

How can I? I'm about to go over there and beat your ass. I could use an ass beating. Yeah, you could. I always could. I could always take an ass beating. I could take a pinch. I could take an ass beating.

Rothy's. Now I feel bad. Yeah, because you talk shit on everybody that you know and love. What are you talking about? You use this podcast as a fucking jump off point. You're on the same side as him? I don't know. We got to find a balance of how much real life spills into this. None.

None. It's all fake, obviously. Bro, you just crossed a line. I'm saying it's all fake. You're crossing a line. You made a powerful enemy. Yeah, your two friends who work at Dairy Queen. They don't work at Dairy Queen, bro.

It's a Baskin Robbins. Which is more respectable than a Dairy Queen. Can we agree on that? Not as respectable as Rothy's. Rothy's. Just get it over with. Get it over with? I'm going to take my time with this one.

I fucking love Rothy's, bro. Say goodbye to that break-in period that you usually go through with other shoes rothys are the best fitting shoe that i've ever slipped onto my foot it fits my shit perfectly soft flexible material combined with wildly comfortable insoles that make them seriously one of the most wearable shoes that you can ever own in your entire life. Rothy's looks good. They're perfect for this time of the year. You wear them on the subway and somebody's like, ooh, what are those sexy ass fucking shoes that you have on your feet?

And suddenly you're having a conversation with a stranger and that doesn't bother either one of you because you're both comfortable talking about Rothy's. No, sir. No, sir. Yes, sir. I love Rothy's. They're the most comfortable shoes I own. I wear them all the time. I wear them to the gym. I'm going to wear them to the gym today.

Are you really? Oh, yeah. They're perfect for squatting in because they have that nice, perfect, even sole. Also, they're like squishy. They're not like skateboarding shoes. No, they're perfect. They're like, if you could design... You could probably board on them, though. Yeah. You could probably board on them. You could also

wear them out to church. Oh, yeah. You could wear them to the Gog, bro. You could wear board in them, though. Yeah, you could probably board in them. You could also wear them out to church. Oh, yeah. You could wear them to the Gog, bro. You hit up synagogue. And you could wear them to temple. Yes, that's what I meant by the Gog. I know you don't really like synagogue. Fuck that, like I do.

I've been to temple more times. Bro, finish this sentence. Eloheinu. Hanu Ainu. Okay, that was pretty good. Yeah. That was fucking very good. Holy fuck. lo hey nu ha nu ha nu okay that was pretty good um yeah that was fucking very good holy fuck

didn't mean to didn't mean to throw you off oh finish this one uh peace be with you and also with you nope nope and with your spirit

oh fake fan oh shit you're only you're obviously feeding one side of your brain do you guys ever at church you do the thing where you all you go around and you shake

everyone's hand peace be with you peace be with you yeah Peace be with you. Yeah, so that's what we were just talking about. I could honestly go for that. I could go for that right now. I don't really fuck with church. I don't really fuck with church like that anymore. Yeah, now with the Omicron virus going around. I don't really fuck with church after they molested all those children,

but I would feel like it felt good going around. It was always nice when you got to shake a nice old person's hand. That was the best part of the free snack. The fact that you got a little... Ew, that's so disgusting. The snack? Do you mean the blood and body of Christ? Please tell me you're not referring to the blood and body of Christ as a snack.

That's what he designed it for. If you get weary from hearing about Jesus, you can eat him out a little bit. You can fucking munch on a little bit of... The devil's coming for you now. The man in the hat. I don't think he will. I can't wait for you to see him tonight i think that jesus takes joy in what you take joy climbing up your balcony fucking rope i'd love to see you out there top hat suit just trying to

spook me but i just know that it's you you're coming up like fucking tom cruise and we would you end the podcast if i did that if i broke into your apartment in the middle of the night not at all i I would fucking... I would think our wife would like, maybe lose interest in like hanging out with me ever. I think that we would make a plate for you and that we'd say, come stay the night.

We're going to have some hot chocolate and we're going to go watch the Gilmore Girls. We'd have some kind of fucking... You guys watch the Gilmore Girls? No, but we would for you. I watch Dexter, so... You think you watch Dexter, you think that you have serial killer in you

and you don't. You don't have an ounce of it. You don't have one stitch of fucking serial killer. Bro, I live by a code. Yeah, right, bro. I live by a code. What's the fucking code? Every man needs a code, and you don't have one.

You live by a COD. You live by Call of Duty, bro. You don't fucking live by a code. You live by a COD. I live by a COD this weekend. Yeah, exactly. You don't live by a fucking code. Rothy's are...

Knit with 100% recyclableable materials even sneaker laces are made from plastic water bottles you ever wonder where your water bottles are going they're making right into rothies into rothies sneaker laces that shit is recycled but it doesn't look like a water bottle that's tying your shoe together it in fact looks like amazes me how they do that i don't know how they do it they do they shred it up and fucking lace it up that just mean they melt it down they melt it down and fucking put that thing down flip it and reverse it it's fucking wild bro and the driving loafers that they have was named one of time's 100 best inventions of the 2021 in the style category calling it the ideal shoe for the late pandemic era they fucking slip on they look. They're comfortable to wear.

You can dress them up, wear them with some fucking shorts to the fucking dock and fucking go fishing, or you could fucking wear them with a suit. You could wear them with a suit and drive your Bentley all the way up to your fucking castle mansion. You could do literally either of those two things with the driving lover because it's so nice. And right now, you can get $20 off your first purchase at rothys.com slash sun. That's R-O-T-H-Y-S dot com slash sun. Head to rothys.com, snag a pair of men's or women's shoes for yourself or for somebody else

and do that shit right fucking now, bro. Oh, and from a producer's standpoint, is it against the rules if we just started reading all of our ads in the beginning yeah it is they have to be spread out i love all of her i would take a bullet for any of our advertisers i was just curious i would too yeah i would also shoot another advertiser for one of my advertisers oh yeah i would go to war for them oh yeah i'd i'd call in a drone strike on behalf of any of our advertisers and it would be my pleasure to do so i'd kill the innocent just for my fucking

advertisers that's how much i fucking love them shit is sweet you do any holiday shopping yet uh-uh waiting for that raise to hit that i haven't gotten yeah so you're gonna do it next year i'm getting that raise doing some 2022 holiday shopping i'm getting that raise come hell or high water as long as the ageism isn't thriving in the meeting there is crazy ageism out here for a young buck like like i know jerry thornton makes like 1.2 mil a year yeah comfortably meanwhile you're over here fucking when i go in and ask for raise i'm like yeah so i'm like looking for more money. And they're like, how does a Kit Kat bar sound? How about we get you set up with a Kit Kat? What do you think about this, Sass? We let you go through the garbage and pick out all the plastic bottles. That's five cents each. And you can recycle them yourself, Sass.

Why don't you go grab something off a Big Cat's pile? That sounds nice for you. How's that? Little holiday bonus. Here's a bar. Grab a part of my take sweatshirt. You can wear this

nice million dollars worth of game hat, take it outside and put it in front of you and you can sing some songs on the street corner and maybe some people will drop some money in.

You know what? There's a fountain downtown in Manhattan. Maybe you go for a little swim and get some change off the bottom of it. How does one chocolate coin sound?

These are really valuable if you save them. And yummy, too. I don't want to hear you complaining about the food prices in New York. How about we get you a nice pack of Skittles? Would that be nice, Mr. Sass? I know you love your Skittles. Kids your age love Skittles.

Why don't we give you a little bit of this Gerber, Sass? Would that be nice for someone your age? We'll let you shake a little ass on the man page. They give you your raise, but it's coming in like an airplane. Like, oh, here comes the dollar. Open up wide, Saz. I told them I need 400K and I'm walking. Good, bro.

Are you taking it in Bitcoin? No. Doge only. Really? Imagine if they paid me in doge that'd be awesome why unlimited money so you could doge only goes up what if they paid you an amc stock bro now amc's dead bro doge is forever no amc's gonna have another fucking renaissance bro musk has our backs we're taking doge to the fucking moon i had so much money in Doge.

I bought like $4,000 in Doge, which at the time was literally, I think, all of my money. Yeah. Then what happened to it? Things were tight for a little bit there. Sounds like you don't need a raise if you just put $4,000 into fucking meme stock. I made a thousand bucks. Sounds like you have disposable income out the wazoo. It was a wild period of time.

You were on the phone all the time. That was rough. I was just making calls. To whom? Big Cat. I was texting Big Cat asking him to bump naked for me. Naked the stock. Yeah.

He never did. I was leading the revolution and then Dave hijacked it. Oh, dude, I led the... I was like leading the revolution and then Dave hijacked it. The Revy? Uh-huh. For numbies? I got like 2,000 followers.

Dave got like 400,000. Yeah. Capitalism. Yeah. At its finest. Ageism too. Ageism. With your young ass.

Your young ass never gets followers. If you got enough followers proportionate to your age, you'd have more than KB Lane. Who's KB Lane? KB Lane? Yeah. The dudeB Lame? KB Lame? Yeah. The dude on TikTok? I don't know who that is.

I don't know who that is either. Yes, you do. He's the guy who takes toothpaste and makes a face. He's like... Oh, yeah. I don't go on TikTok. He's the most followed person, right? Is he really? Yeah. Dude, Brent Rivera has like 80 million followers on TikTok. I don't know who Brent Rivera is like 80 million followers on TikTok. I don't know who Brent Rivera is.

You don't? No, I don't go on TikTok. He's a comedy god. Really? He's one of the funniest people alive. KB the lame, 123 mil. Can we play Brent Rivera TikTok? Pull one up? Sure.

We got to get that. We should be able to pull something up here like Joe Rogan. I don't think so, bro. That's kind of more his thing Let's make it our thing Okay Well if Owen

Like what Owen said When he was boomed out of his fucking mind Was that a rant? Yeah they were dumb He's the funniest person on earth That sounds like a dancer That sounds like He's a good dancer though

He dances Oh he's a good dancer Does he have vacuum sealed abs of steel? He was with Tom Holland yesterday. Of course he was, bro. Spider-Man? Shut up. He makes funny videos that are like

when Bae eats your bagel bites. And then you're like, Bae? What happened to my bagel bites? And she's like, uh-oh. And that's just like a quick 50 million likes. That's so good. He's really good.

He's been doing it since he was like, he's been doing it since Vine. And he's still just rolling in dough. What about you guys remember Lance210? Oh, he's a goat. He would just like scare the shit out of his grandma. Yeah. Which is always, I think it's fake. Oh, it is fake.

Dude, he did a sketch. Cody Coe did a video about Lance210. scare the shit out of his grandma yeah which is always i think it's fake oh it is fake dude he did a sketch cody coded a video about about lance 210 and he was like looking at one of his pranks and lance is like the whole prank it's just like he's laying on the floor of like right outside of it's like when right when you walk in the front door and he has like blood on his wrist and like a massive knife like sitting next to him so like it makes it look like he killed himself and then his girlfriend walks in and starts like screaming and crying and he like wakes up and it's just like the worst prank ever i don't think that like that's not a prank well it is but it's just like uh i blame the victims of that plant prank not the victim

shame but like if you're if this dude is always like doing crazy ass pranks like you have to know that that's what the fuck's going on like you can't be overreacting every single time like he's the boy who cried wolf and like he would have to kill himself to fucking even get a reaction that relationship wouldn't work what do you? Imagine if you were home and your wife was just like pretending to kill herself. Yeah, that shit is. But there's like a million couples who do that. Just hit it again. Very funny.

Or like pretending to like cheat on you, like fucking a pillow or something like that. You come in and beat the shit out of the pillow. Or like telling my boyfriend I'm pregnant. Yeah, that kind of shit like all the time. That would be exhausting. And you have to just know that it's happening. You just look around for a camera at all times. There's no way someone can always be that gullible.

Ken Jack did a prank on his girlfriend, the scratch lottery ticket one. That was hilarious. What, he made her think she won the lottery? Well, actually, he kind of does that shit too. He does do that? He was on his security monitor that they just got and he was screaming into it

and watching his girlfriend freak out at home because she didn't know you could talk to it but he doesn't do it like for content he just does it and like shows us yeah ken jack 210 dude it was fucking the scratcher one was hilarious because he like set up the camera and just like left the scratcher there and like walked away and she was like like she like thought she won and she was like freaking out and then he like showed her i don't know he did this to us he like brought the show to the radio studio or whatever yeah he did it during the yak he did it to big t right uh yeah i think some shit like that but big t knew like right away You think you're a gullible guy? No You think you're prankable? No Not at all? Mm-mm

Well let's fucking see then You're gullible That's funny Bro you thought we didn't have bathrooms in our apartment You dumb mofo You said it And you believed it Like everybody else

Definition of gullible You fucking lied Why the hell would we not have a bathroom in our apartment, bro? You thought that Wayne Gretzky played baseball. I wasn't paying attention. Yeah. That's a fact. I met Gretzky, bro, in 99.

In 99? You weren't even alive. You weren't alive. His number is 99. You weren't even born yet in 99. I just met him. Now we just caught you lying. I met him at Lake Placid.

Oh, now you're changing his number. I met him at Lake Placid. Oh, now you're changing his number. I met him at Lake Placid, bro. Oh, really? What did he say? You're thinking of Tony Hawk. No, I'm thinking of Wayne Woods. No, you're thinking of Tony Hawk. What did he play?

Who did he play for? Sacramento Kings. The United States of America. He played for the USA? No. Miracle reference. It's a miracle reference. Played for Canada, bro.

Did he play for Toronto? No, bro. Played for Montreal, the Canadians. And then the Kings. I thought he played for the Maple Leafs. No, bro. You don't know what the fuck you're talking about? They let him play a game on each team his last season.

Dude, he played on the Maple Leafs. He said it was always his dream. No, he fucking didn't, bro. Didn't Shaq do that, too? Shaq played for the Maple Leafs, yeah said it was always his dream. No, he fucking didn't, bro. Didn't Shaq do that, too? Shaq played for the Maple Leafs, yeah, but he didn't fucking play for both teams. He was a player coach for the Montreal Expos. Who did Gretzky play for? Told you he played for the fucking Kings, bro.

Oh, wow, he did. Fucking told you, bro. The Oilers, the Kings, the Blues, and the Rangers. I guess I was wrong. Wow. Very rare occurrence when I was wrong. Wow. Very rare occurrence when I'm wrong. Bro, I literally just said it. I was just fucking telling you exactly who the fuck you played for, bro.

Maybe just open your ears. I fucking hate when you guys do that. Maybe fucking listen one time. All right, we're wrapping it up. How long have we been going for, Owen? Uh, 2.15. That can't be right. That can't be right. What? How long have we actually been going for an hour and 30

yeah i grow weary of talking right now let's let's call it bro all right we might have another episode coming out at the end of the week probably not it'll probably be next week probably will be next week when you normally record it this week but all right jesus fucking christ why bro you're it's pissing me off so much then why did you introduce it you let a fox in the hen house that's not what it sounds like you're like okay bro that's literally what it sounds like i think i'm getting sick of talking right now shit sounds like a a ghost haunting you. You wouldn't know shit about ghosts haunting you. I bitch slap a ghost. No, you wouldn't.

I karate chop through it. You saw the man in the hat, bro. What would I do? Like scream and be like, oh my God, there's a thing. I'd like point to it. What would you do? Realistically. I'd probably go talk to it.

I'd be like, what's up, bro? What did you do? You just moved to the other side of the couch? I was like six. You said you were 12. May as well be the same thing. Yeah, it was 12 years ago. I don't need you guys to victim shame me. I'm not victim shaming you. You said you were 12. May as well be the same thing. Yeah, it was 12 years ago. I don't need you guys to victim shame me.

I'm not victim shaming. I'm just saying. Sorry, I met the devil and you didn't. I danced with the devil. You're going to meet the devil after you called the fucking the blood and body of Christ a snack. It is, bro. You're going to hell for that.

That shit is delicious, bro. You ever dip it in some fucking garlic salt? No. You didn't have that option at church? At church? Jesus Christ. All right. Thanks for listening.

No, bro. No, no. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, bro. Thanks for listening. Bye. I'm sorry, bro. I didn't mean to call attention to that, bro.

I fucking, I love Jesus and I'm scared of ghosts. All right. All right. Is that what you wanted to hear? Yeah. Now we won't have to finish this podcast. This is going to be the last episode. Really? Mm-hmm. Now can it you wanted to hear? Yeah. Now we won't have to finish this podcast. This is going to be the last episode. Really?

Mm-hmm. Now can it not be? We'll see. I'll be on my best behavior. Worst. Bro. I don't want to see you at your best behavior. I want to see you at your worst behavior.

Motherfuckers never loved us. All right. Thanks for listening, guys. We'll see you guys next week buy some fucking merch yeah we got a really good episode coming out next week with a very very special guest no this episode is really good listen to this whole episode first

they're at the end of the episode okay cool that's true buy some merch put us on next year's Spotify wrapped start now but don't start now let's listen to Apple for a bit and then maybe half way through the year we can transfer over no listen on Apple and then when you go to bed, listen on Spotify on repeat. Yes.

Can you put a podcast on repeat? Yes. Oh, yeah. Actually, they just automatically restart when you're done with the episode, I think. No. You can put it on repeat, I know. Okay. All right.

Thanks for listening, guys. Peace.