Son of a Boy Dad - Son of a Boy Dad: Ep. 36 - Pick & Roll (ft. Nick Turani)

Episode Date: January 4, 2022

-- (0:00-31:00) Sas & Rone -- (31:00-1:01:00) Rone & Nick -- Full episode also available on Youtube -- Thank you guys for listening!You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, son of a boy dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. See, this will be cool because now I can get real physical. I can come over, I can stand, I can come over to you. Well, fuck the shot, but bring the stand with you. All right, should we hop in? Yeah. You're going to have to clap because I'm kind of occupied.

Just clap for us, bro. You have one job. I can't clap today. Just clap for us. It's not my day. Well, New Year's resolution to stop doing shit for you, bro. Alright, ready? See the date, the time.

Oh yeah, smoke that. I gotta hit this back seat, bud. Take a big hit of that before we start. All right, what's up everybody? Welcome back to Son of a Boy Dad Podcast. Today is Monday, January 3rd. It is 4.20 p.m. Is that a coincidence?

Hope you guys are smoking along, vaping along. Smoke along session. We're going to set up every five minutes. A timer should be going off on your phone. Take a fat fucking rip. Take a big drag. Hope you guys are smoking along, vaping along, dabbing along. Whatever you want.

Because I know we are. Sweet spot of the day. Indica and Sativa will work for you just fine so really ride that sweet spot strain of today's episode we're doing a little blueberry uh what is that one strain blueberry funk blueberry haze blueberry haze blue haze we're doing a little blueberry haze today little sativa little head high the usual should be really Pairs nicely with a nice fat tire if you want to go in the beer realm or a nice smoky mezcal. Exactly. Little wine with some kush.

Kick back and enjoy today's episode. Brought to you by Dat Chat. Hit that fucking music. Today's episode is brought to you by dat chat dat chat the leader in modern messaging and deleting messages i deleted all the rest of the apps on my phone and dat chat is the only one that persists at this point if i'm not dat chatting with someone i'm not even fucking communicating with them. I don't talk to people who don't have that chat and neither should you.

Because because it's so fucking good because you can nuke your messages. You can nuke conversations. You can delete messages. You can interact with your favorite social media cats about your favorite social medias. Please fuck with that chat as hard as we do and as hard as they fuck with us. Amen. Go to datchat.com slash barstool to get more information and download the app now. Check it the fuck out,

because it's going to change your shit. Can I just give one more thanks to Dat Chat for making this episode possible? Dat Chat single-handedly saves not only the troops, but the young children that the troops have been being very mean to at the same exact time. They'll save both sides because they care that much.

DatChat. DatChat. Go to datchat.com slash barstool. I see that you unshaved your head. No, bro. This shit is shaved. And I don't know if I want to wear the headset because it makes my hairline look worse than it is. I don't think it does, bro. I think you're overthinking it.

I think you're being nasty to yourself. But if we're being nasty to ourselves, can I give myself a couple whips on the back for my audio performance last week? Oh, yeah. Well, we're back in the studio today, so Roan can't sabotage the episode purposely. It was, I guess it was pretty bad. I didn't think it was bad at all. But I also couldn't. I didn't.

Like, I listened to the, like, I skipped around to see what all the hype was about. People were so mean to me about it. They love when we fuck up. Some guy pied the fuck out of me on the face. You got pied? I got pied for having a bad audio performance. They lit me up like fucking the Nate dog. What kind of pie?

It was basically shaving cream. It's just like a fucking, not even edible pie, if you know what I mean. Yeah, that's not okay. That's not acceptable. You know I'm a person too. You know I'm a person too. You know I'm a person too. You know I'm a human being as well. They don't have to do that to me.

I'm just a fucking guy out here trying to live, trying to fucking crank out some podcast shit. A lot of trolls don't know that they're actually humans behind the screen. Yes. You're really enjoying that no mic stand. Oh, I am. Except my hands are getting sweaty quick. My hands have been cold today. You probably have Raynoids.

I do. You know what Raynoids is? When your hands get cold? Yeah, I think it is. When circulation doesn't make it up to the hands? You're always cold as fuck. You always have to wear another shirt inside. You are wearing multiple shirts.

Well, I wasn't going to wear this with nothing under it. That would be gay. And that's a perfect way to segue into your homophobic allegations wearing a henley with nothing underneath it that's gay pat and homophobe look i'm not homophobic yeah so there was starters there's a video going around that saying for starters little sass is homophobic and it's two gay dudes who are saying it and fucking no one knows how to sniff out some fucking homophobia better than a couple queers bro you can't say that i can't cut that out why no you can't lgbtq bro what are you talking about it's's a slur. Queer is a slur? No, it's like an umbrella term. Let me educate you.

Alright, police my language. Please, police my language. You can't say that. That's not funny. Fucking defund the language fucking police over here. Jesus Christ, bro. Let me live. Dude, the amount of people, like it's, first of all, what's the other guy's name?

Joey. Kamasta? Yeah, like his delivery on it was hilarious like how quick it was but the amount of people who like don't know that it like don't like how do you instantly not see that and know it's a joke yeah it's pretty obvious i mean it's all it's not like a ton of like more people are gonna find out about it now that we're talking about it i mean the worst thing is that that dude's actually straight and he just fucking pretends to be gay for his little podcast. Yeah. I mean,

he's super funny. They're, they're both very funny guys. Um, but they spend hours in a writer room, like telling tales of fucking Bukakis on parking decks. And they like write the most intimate details like Tucker max and then sell it off as,

as if they're actual gay people. Yeah. It's like, uh, you're stealing valor from real gay people who have real struggles not just two like little tim dylan acolytes who think that they could fucking traipse around and say some raunchy ass raw shit the they've said that i'm a homophobe like a hundred times before though you know what their plan is that i fuck they say that me and kb fuck

all the time and they and they know that you don't do that also they they go they start off saying i'm a homophobe and then they're like how old is he and he's like oh he's 19 and then joey goes who was he bottoming for and then he says dave so it's like well if i'm homophobic how would i be bottoming for dave cause of the homophobic bottom like uh lindsey graham i'm sure there's a lot of homophobic gay people or closeted gay people yes that's all homophobia is people who uh self-loathing it's just people who are angry at themselves for how fucking hot they find the male penis yeah exactly so let it be known i'm actually an ally yeah because you're bottoming for dave and kb yes that's how it's known that you're an ally exactly you heard that their motive is to try to get someone fired so that fake gay

dude joey can Joey can get hired. They're trying to free up cap space. And they thought that you were weak. SAS wouldn't free up much, though. No. We're losing millions of dollars for the company every day. They could maybe get a little food stamp off of SAS. They would need to fire me 20 times to be able to hire Joey.

They'd have to have a whole SAS army. They'd have to, a whole SaaS army. Yeah. They'd have to defund. For it to break even. And it really would be a drop. You're a sieve at this company. Yeah. You're like the Exxon Valdez oil spill.

You're just dumping salary into the ocean by them having a little charity project to keep you alone. But I put out the New Year's resolution. No more fucking SaaS slander. Because too many people go out here, or even using the name in vain. Too many people are out here just saying Lil Sass, knowing that it's going to do numbies. It's like saying Jeff Bezos. It is true. Or Elon Musk. It's like, oh,

just saying the name, and then just saying anything with it. They love to throw me in on things now, and just not make me a part of them, but just talk about me. And then next thing you know, the numbers are skyrocketing i know why that's why dave used it as the teaser for his episode and then i saw that erica was using it as well pnt gave you an award they gave me an award but that was that was um like smitty talks about you all the time he's like he'll talk about a young nfl player and he'll be like he's fucking little sasquatch out here like your name is synonymous with like youth

and inexperience it's like getting munson but it is true that you had a fucking little bit of success and thought that you were the fucking king ding-a-ling she was like you had that he was like she was like let's use little sass as an example someone who had just the cutest little tiniest little bit of success like a little fetus without arms trying to swim in a pool and breathe just one breath of air and thinks that it's an autonomous being so you know dave he loves to rip up contracts and write new ones it's his favorite thing to do he loves to pay people more if they earned it let's take a little sass for an example though he wants to be paid like he made it but he's just had the

tiniest the cutest little bit of success now let's look at glennie balls smidgest bit glennie balls deserves the fucking world that he gets and there's a reason that he pulls up in a lamborghini every day it's because he fucking grinded and grinded from the fucking from day one to build a brand for himself that's a guy who fucking has worked his entire way up the ladder. Yeah. I mean, I'm like, I'm over the whole Reyes thing. I've got a great new apartment with two of

my brothers. And I can afford it, barely. But I'm over, like, and we have a tub that doesn't drain. Showered with water up to my knees today. When we applied for the apartment, how much did you say you were going to be making? We have a tub that doesn't drain. Showered with water up to my knees today. Peed in it. When we applied for the apartment, how much did you say you were going to be making relative to what you're making now?

It was close to $200,000. Is what you told them? That's what I told them. So rent might be coming up short. I'm far south of that. But they just used that as like a suggestion of what kind of credit you should have. They were going to actually charge you all that. Also, I thought if I lied on it, it would be like...

Because we really wanted the apartment. I was like, well, if I lie on it, we'll get it. And we got it. If I say I'm a millionaire. It was like a need for speed type of thing. Because there was people that came right before us. And they also asked for an application. They were applying for it.

And then we filled it all out that night. And we got it. We got the fucking place. And did you see what they looked like they did applying for it and then we filled it all out that night and we got it we got the fucking place and did you see what they uh looked like they did for a living did they look like they were rich folk did where they were in chelsea workers construction workers yeah you know construction workers in new york city are fucking millionaires oh yeah the pension plans for construction workers have literally have these dudes becoming millionaires by the time they're like 35 and they work one day a month. Yes, dude.

The union ones. They fucking barely work and all they do is fucking eat. They all just buy houses in Rockaway Beach and fucking take their three-minute bike ride. They're all strong as fuck. They're strong. They're handsome. They have hot wives. They have an incredible payout.

And they just get to fucking complain for a living. It's fucking perfect. They haven't figured it out. Those are the construction workers. I'm surprised they didn't get the apartment ahead of you, but they probably just moved into some fucking palatial estate on Ron Conkma or some bullshit like that. I actually, I dabbled in the blue collar industry for a bit in my youth. Which one?

Landscaping. Oh, I forgot. I started my own landscaping business. I forgot about that. People are like, oh, Sass needs more life experience. I started a business from the ground up. It was the most successful landscaping business in all of New England. That's how you got hired, right?

Through the Barstool Fund. Because your small business was failing during the pandemic. And Dave was like, I'll pay him. Yeah, we were called Four Guys, One Job. It was me jackson nate and eric and we were an unstoppable force yeah we did four jobs one guy be a better business no four for one job four guys one job is better because they were the funniest the best part about it was that 16 jobs between the four of them the best part about it that everyone that

we were working for had never heard of Two Girls, One Cup. So it was kind of like a little instant joke between me and my boys. I didn't even put it all together as I was listening. I was just like, oh, that's a good name for guys that want to work together. I didn't realize that you're trying to be dirty with your little fucking landscaping. Then we got to hang up posters all around town that said Four Guys, One Job. It is pretty good. And you came up with the name yeah because you're the

creative genius we got a lot of business and they don't like does erica even know this oh no no idea i mean why didn't you go why didn't you say that when you went on token i feel like you could have given her a little bit of backstory founder of a business yeah that you were a successful business a young business owner would you uh shovel yeah so actually it became so it's the best yeah why because people would pay you yeah but that hurts your back no it became so successful that we actually had to start me being the ceo and president we i had to start like hiring freelancers to come in and do another job because we are we were already too booked you were just too big of a company we were like so successful in and we like had oh we got to do these two jobs today but then this third person job because we were already too booked. You were just too big of a company. We were like so successful and

we like had, oh, we got to do these two jobs today. But then this third person wants us for today. So I would gather up a couple other high schoolers and be like, you guys are going here. You just drive by the Home Depot parking lot with a pickup truck and see who wanted to get in the back. And then I would email the person. You just get the boys working.

But I think that I bet that after one day of work you're like i'm actually gonna transfer up to corporate and uh i'm gonna sit in the desk now i loved having power yeah you're like bagged one fat bag of leaves and you're like actually i'm gonna sit behind a oak desk all day and fucking live no the blue collar wasn't for me. No. You could maybe have like a fucking Italian collar on a fucking nice suit that you'd be wearing with your hair slicked back by a fireplace and you're fucking making some business deals. But you're not out in the field. No. Never.

You're a house cat. Exactly. You're not a field cat. These aren't working man hands. Though you did say you went hiking a bunch over. No, I didn't actually go hiking i went like on trail walks what the fuck is the difference well when you go on a hike you summit is that true there was no summit is that true i thought a hike was just any type of

walk outside i don't i wouldn't classify what i did as a hike it was softer what kind of shoes did you wear those stan smiths no i wore boots okay so that's kind of shoes did you wear though? Stan Smith? No, I wore boots. Okay. So that's kind of legit. Yeah. I mean, I was out in New Hampshire, had a good time. Shoot some guns off? No, I wish. I watched a bunch of good hiking documentaries when I was out there though. What the fuck is a hiking documentary?

Or climbing documentaries. Oh, okay. A hiking documentary sounds like the most boring thing of all time. No, they were good. They're good. And a hiking documentary and a climbing documentary, same thing. I can't believe there's that many climbing documentaries, though. I feel like I've seen a decent amount of them, and there seems to be countless more of them.

No, there isn't. I actually ran out. Really? I've seen all the good ones. I guess dudes just really want to, like, who aren't as good climbers, just want to film something? Or they just want to, like, why are there so many? No, the people that film them are usually very, as good climbers just want to film something or they just want to like, why are there so many? No, the people that film them are usually very, very good climbers. Because they go up and they summit with the people.

I think it's kind of like how surfing was a big thing for a while too. It's like not a lot of people do it, so you just want to see it. Yeah, that's true. And it's probably pretty cool camera shots. Gnarly, if you will. Gnarly. Gnarly camera shots. I watched this one called 14 Peaks.

And it's about this dude. How exactly does it end no he lives this dude i don't have to watch it then this dude climbs all 14 uh 8 000 plus meter mountains in the world really in seven months that's his goal is seven months and the record before that was 16 years. Holy fuck. And it's good. It's really good. Why not make it a little bit more attainable for the next guy? Why not just go down to like 15 years or something like that?

Yeah, I don't know. But it was. 16 months. It was really interesting because like the you learn that like Everest isn't't even close to the hardest mountain to climb. Everest is like going on a treadmill at 15 incline and just walking at three miles an hour. Everest is easy. Yeah, well, it's so guided. The route is so planned out and everything.

A lot of the other mountains that they did, they had to make the route themselves, like scope it all out figure out where to go yeah i feel like i see a lot of like only like a yeah like only like a few people had ever summited that mountain before that it's that rare and like it's not that they're not actually like whenever you see like people who are hiking and they put it on instagram they have like the chains nailed into the side of the mountain and shit like that i mean it's a trail there's a the chains nailed into the side of the mountain and shit like that. I mean, it's a trail. There's a trail now. Most of the other mountains don't have trails.

Yeah. They just have some, some dead bodies, you know? Yeah, exactly. Some dead bodies here and there. It is the highest though. Well, I feel like you have some aspirations to be a climber. Yeah, but I would never do what they call high altitude climbing. Because you're too scared of it? Yeah. Because you're too scared of it?

Yeah. Because you're just scared of losing your breath? I don't like losing my breath. Yeah? You could just bring an inhaler up there. No, you need an oxygen tank. That's why I've been vaping to fucking train my lungs in case I ever wind up at a high-ass altitude.

I, uh... Even when I go on, like, hikes in Colorado and Wyoming and stuff like that where the altitude is higher, I get so out of breath and I get so uncomfortable. I don't like the feeling of being like gasping for air repeatedly. But doesn't it, after one day, doesn't it kind of recalibrate? Yeah.

When I was like at the peak of a mountain. Okay. Yeah. I guess I've never even really summited a mountain. Fuck bro. Take me bro. The feeling when you summit it's's it's indescribable yeah it sounds like you're doubled over with your hands on your knees trying to catch your breath

pretty much it's crazy because you go from being like fine like oh we're kicking this mountain's ass to like the top and you take like four steps and you're gassed yeah like literally like you'll take like a couple steps and you like won't be able to move i just yearn to have a fucking drone shot of me with my arms up like fucking he-man right here two swords coming out of my fucking hands looking sweet that's what i want but i don't know if i'll ever even get that i just need to summon a fucking mountain bro we should make a video we should get we should do a video bring the mics yeah mics are asking about you bro i saw i saw tons of mics i heard tales of mics one of the mics shaved his head just like me did he and that hairline did he it's good bad yeah worse than mine why are you coming

out of mike it goes up here why are you coming at the mics i was just flaming him because he's old that's true that it does make you susceptible to being flamed yeah that's why we need to start implanting fucking uh machine organs into our bodies and shit i'm trying to live the fucking 150 yeah fuck the bullshit bro fuck the bullshit trying to live a fucking long ass time i'm not trying to die out here in the fucking wilderness bro like these pussies dying every day dude i've been watching this show on Showtime. It's called Yellow Jackets. Yeah, I've heard of it.

I've never watched it, though. It's about these 15-year-old girls that get lost out in the wilderness, and they're so fucking dumb. Really? They're just the dumbest fucking idiots. That sounds awesome. Do they die?

Yeah, and they just start dying because of how fucking dumb they are. But they don't even frame it like they're being dumb. They make it seem like they want to have, like, they're trying to do their best thing, and they always are making the dumbest fucking decisions. I don't think I would last long in the woods. I don't think I would know what to do. These bitches stumble into very fortuitous circumstances, and they still find a way to be dumb. Like, they just get everything that they could need, and they still find a way to be dumb. Like they just get everything that they

could need and they still just wind up fucking. Is it like a game show or something? No, it's like these bitches are on a soccer team and they hop on an airplane to go to nationals. And the plane crashes? And the airplane crashes. And it's them in the wilderness and like how they survive. And they live?

Some of them live. The series kind of starts off with some of them living and then some of them dying. Is it a documentary? No, it's not. It's reenactment? No, it's completely fake. It's completely made up. Oh, wow. So they're not dumb. No, they are dumb. They do the dumbest shit. No.

It's supposed to be like that, though. But they were written to be dumb characters? They make illogical decisions and they make it seem logical and that shit pisses me off whenever i'm watching a show it's like why are we being illogical right now why when you have a group of like 30 people can't you all come to like a good conclusion to not do this stupid ass thing that one person suggested then everyone's like oh i guess we fucking have to do it i guess we have to go into the fucking haunted cave and fight the

alligator well you keep on watching it so it's working yeah maybe you're the dumb ass bro i am the dumb ass i'm hate watching yourself before you wreck yourself i am wrecking myself right now but i think hate consumption of content is like uh gonna supersede regular consumption of content oh 100 i only watch stuff i don't like yeah but that that that hits a ceiling like because when you watch you I don't like. Yeah, but that hits a ceiling because when you watch, you can only hate, like I hate watching the D'Amelio show. Of course. But you can only hate watch like three episodes and then you're like, okay, this is actually terrible.

And like the Addison Rae movie, she's going to put out four more movies. I've watched that like six times. Yeah, but four more of them. You have? You've watched it six times? It's so good. when do you put it on like we just keep it in our house

really late at night you just throw it on from time to time that's respectable I'd like to watch it I guess I don't really have it on that much but maybe and I think they do this in a lot of shows these days they show the fucking crazy ass scene off the bat a cold open if you will yeah or something fucking crazy ass scene off the bat. A cold open, if you will. Yeah.

Or something fucking crazy happening. And I feel like if you knew at the beginning of the fucking D'Amelio show that one of them was going to die, you would watch the rest of the show. That is true. That's smart. And they don't even, they haven't even thought about that one of them could just die and they would like kick

start the other one's career. Shows how selfish those bitches are I know it does it would be awesome all they care about is themselves I know one of them should like I don't know die I mean I yeah you don't want to say it like go through go through something really bad I don't know like

not being cyber bullied like that can't be your arc no one's going to be invested in the arc of oh you're famous and you got cyber bully yeah because it goes on for too long. The whole show is about that. Someone needs to get killed or kill someone. But they wind up just settling for an eating disorder

or some bullshit. Do we have ads? Love that. Do we really not? We do? No. Because it's the beginning of the year. So this is just another goddamn free episode? We can, I guess preview What the hell are we doing this for bro I got shit to do

We can preview that My car is probably getting towed right now Daddy let me take the truck Up to the city for the week Do you actually have your truck In the city right now Where the fuck are you parking it Harry's got the Tacoma

On the street. Really? Yeah. And what, do you have to move it every like five hours? With his godforsaken city? There's a good chance we'll get back.

He says he just found a spot. No, you didn't. Yes, I did. No, you didn't. No, the only sign I kept there overnight didn't get towed. There's got to be like

a street cleaning on Wednesdays type of thing. Yeah, I got to move it tonight. Oh, okay. So you did find a spot. But I don't know where to put it. Just, there'll be another zone that like, you just are going to be like a street cleaning on Wednesdays type of thing. I got to move it tonight. Oh, okay. So you did find a spot. But I don't know where to put it. Just there'll be another zone that like you just are going to have to drive around the block a bunch. I drove so much, dude.

And I went to two parking garages. They were like, we can't take the truck. They wouldn't accept the beast. It's going to be $4,000. They were like, you got to reserve it for this kind of car. Really? What? That doesn't make sense at all.

I guess you live in a fucking little ass lean to Harry Potter neighborhood. Yeah, no, it's awesome. You're a fucking little crooked street neighborhood. Hogwarts. Give me a fucking neighborhood on a fucking grid, bro. I don't want some diagonally fucking street. Bro, you're just jealous of our exposed brick.

The cobblestone. You got some EB in the fucking building? Oh, yeah. How much? How many walls are exposed brick? Enough. Just some EB in the fucking building? Oh, yeah. How much? How many walls are exposed brick? Enough. Just one wall then?

One in each room, yeah. That's pretty fucking sweet. It's beautiful. That is. That's literally the dream. I spent all night with mine. The people before us painted it white.

They did? Yeah. So it was a woman. Yeah. So it was a woman. Three women. Yeah. That is a classic woman move.

Why do they hate red brick? Does it remind them of... That sucks. What were you about to say? No, I just said, did they really? Yeah, that they just painted it over. That's brutal. You could power wash it.

Just bring a power washer in and blast that thing. Just flood the apartment. That might get a little out of control. It'd be a fun day, though. You already flooded your fucking... You already flooded your fucking You already flooded your Dude the bathtub I legitimately

It was literally up to my knees The fact that both of you peed in the tub Is Bro That didn't happen It obviously did happen You got pranked I'm tired of your bits

I didn't realize You guys run big Bro you got schticked You guys are fucking We woke up early We wrote that Yeah early KB and Nick We're calling us KB and Nick Jr. right now.

Nick Jr. Yeah. Not Nick Jr. Which one of you is Nick Jr.? Me. Are you? Yeah. Oh, fuck.

Taller. Yeah. And also, what was a famous Nick Jr. show? Yeah, you're definitely... Taller and frail. Yeah. I've seen Owen throw. He's sneakily a fucking good-ass athlete.

I'm way better You could be a quarterback But quarterbacks are like fat white dudes Who aren't good athletes They're like paunchy accountants Can you play basketball? No god no I'm terrible at basketball I can't shoot

You should play I would love to play I'm actually getting a new gym membership Temple gym The luxury gym play. You do it like this? I would love to play. I'm actually getting a new gym membership. Temple gym. Temple? Pricey. Is it Jewish? A luxury gym. Yeah? That was the gym next to our old apartment. Yeah, I know, but it was more

expensive there. Couldn't afford it. And now you make the same amount that you did then. And pay more in rents. Yeah, but I've come to the conclusion that if I don't have a gym that's right near our apartment, I'm not going to go. Oh, you have a show on Saturday. How much are you going to pay for that? That's probably why you can afford all this shit. Please. A, you have a show on Saturday. How much are you going to pay for that? That's probably why you can afford all this shit. Please.

A lot of money. 10K each. Each? What do you mean each? Just for the appearance. Me and Owen, we take a split. Yeah, dude. I knew Owen being your booking agent

was the smartest move you could have made. Owen's a pit bull. We're getting 10K just to show up. 20K if I go on. To do a walkthrough? Yeah. Walkthroughs at clubs are incredible. O'Malley's on the card, though. Shut the show up. $20,000 if I go on. To do a walkthrough? Yeah. Walkthroughs at clubs are incredible.

O'Malley's on the card though. Shut the fuck up. O'Malley's on the card and it sold out relatively fast and I was like, damn. And then I looked

and Brianna promoted the show. So it's going to be, I don't think it's going to be good. I don't know if it's going to be good. I said it. What do you mean it's not going to be good? Because O'Malley's there?

No, I'm worried because dude, the venue is very open. Like when we're there, there's no green room. Like we sit with the audience. What's the name of the venue? And I'm worried that it's going to be...

Rockwood Musical. And I'm worried that it's going to be like Brianna's going to be there and it's going to be all of her fans, like, crowding around her talking while I'm trying to get some jokes off. I didn't think of that. Why the fuck would they do that? I thought you were saying... They're a rowdy group.

Chicken fries? Oh, yeah. Oh, they're just going to be, like, ripping shots. Yeah. You can't say that That's why you'll fit in great Oh yeah That's all you do Is tell people

What they can't fucking say bro Bro when you're When you're throwing The Q word around I gotta step in For the I'm an ally What queer?

Bro I'm out I'm off this show You're lucky We don't have sponsors Bro you're about to fucking Yeah this is the episode To get the shit off your chest. It's time for Dat Chat.

And I want to thank Dat Chat one more time for making this episode possible. We're going to nuke this episode after it's said and done. This is like the Dat Chat... We're going to have it pulled from the network. Yeah, we're saying all kinds of shit. We're about to say some fucking... Some phobic ass shit. Bro, say something.

Say something bad. I watched the CK shit, bro. I watched the Louis CK shit. But that would be my bad thing. Supporting a fucking sexual predator. Supporting an animal. A man who literally can't stop

touching his penis till it ejaculates. A man who can't stop fondling people. And that person might be himself but he still fondles himself that was funny you see like at the end when the people in the front row they're all like reaching over to shake his hand like going nuts yeah they do love him that it's almost like they fucking forgot that he's a predator exactly he's a fucking shit you think he'll come on oh for sure for sure let's just fucking reach out to the boy and see if he'll come on? For sure.

Let's just fucking reach out to the boy and see if he'll fucking come on, bro. Yeah, I don't know. Did you see that the Shane Gillis got a shout out in it? Where? In the special, at the end. What do you mean? In the credits, Louie's shout out to Shane Gillis. No fucking way.

And Joe List. And Joe List? It was like made possible by joe list did make it but joe list made our career possible too bro let's look out for us yeah yeah bro you don't remember are you forgetting where you came from too i guess not do you not remember all your interactions with list i was supposed to be going to the eagles game with uh with uh shane on um on sunday and they fucking move the game to fucking saturday and uh it's during your stand-up show and he was going to come and support you instead of going to the eagles game oh was he really no he is going to

on saturday he's coming on saturday he's coming to your show no way yes no he's not yes bro bro it's sold out. Yeah. I'd like to hope we could get him in, but I can't make any promises. I had him talk to O'Malley and Chicken Fry already, bro. They already took care of it. Cap. It's the least I could do, bro.

He said, fuck the birds, bro. I'm not watching the birds game. All the fucking birds. They already clinched. The fucking squad has COVID, and he's going to come to your show bro fuck yeah that'd be tight what if you bomb and o'malley crushes it's a real possibility have you ever but i don't think i would bomb at my own show that'd be pretty tough to do dude have they been using your name for clout bro probably everybody has everyone is let's find someone in here who hasn't used your name

for clout and then fucking maybe give them like an award you and that's why you're the goat that's a fucking fact there's gotta be someone else in here

hubs hubs hubs has never used your name for clout no shout out to hubs the whole short porch gang did you see publicity tweet

she was like I could be his grandmother or something like that. Can I piss real quick? The next day. Okay. Okay. That got weird out there.

Yeah. Yeah. This isn't what you thought it was about to be like one second ago when Lil Sass went to the bathroom. So that's one second ago in little sass went to the bathroom so that's one second ago in podcast time but that was actually a lifetime on the hips a lifetime uh because sass is still in hr yeah sass is getting chewed the fuck out for uh i mean i guess it was earlier in this podcast we were talking about the out and about boys who are actually two straight cis dudes who are just pretending

incredibly straight yeah those dudes fuck pussy they and young pussy yeah and primo box yeah yep a1 fucking kobe beef cut yeah udsa approved puss yeah it's fucking grass-raised puss that those guys yeah but for whatever reason we're in a kerfuffle with them, and Sass is in the fucking ringer right now. As Sass went to the bathroom, he got pulled into HR. We had a meeting. We had a meeting with them, also with publicity. Sass is, I don't want to call it a suspension,

but he's like in limbo escrow how would you how would you call it owen what would you say he's in right now limbo yeah it's a sit back and wait um yeah he's on ice right now yeah he's on ice and uh it's like waiting how to treat cancer it's it's we want to see how aggressive this this may snowball into something larger or maybe we could just let it, you know, it might be benign. Sweep it under the rug. If the suspension's measured in podcast episodes, this counts as one. Yeah. Or like a half, you know, like when you get suspended for the first quarter of a football game.

I don't know. Well, SAS is the closer of this podcast. But we had to go to the bullpen and get the fucking lefty. Why not? To get Jose Mesa and bring bring the fucking closer in nick a reference i understand 100 you know baseball player yeah i know definitely baseball player one yeah you know reese um but yeah we got we got nick in this bitch sass is a homophobe right yeah sass is homophobic and that's when two words sound alike but are spelled differently. Like, uh, brought in...

No, no, no. Fuck. What's a good-ass homophobe? Um, I can't even name one. Like, Mel and Mel. Yeah, that is one. Like, M-E-L-L-E and M-E-L. Like, Mel Gibson is a homophobe.

Yes, he is. Yeah, he is. He's a certified homophobe. And so because Sass is a homophobe... And no offense is. Yeah, he is. He's a certified homophobe. And so because Sass is a homophobe. And no offense to Mel. Oh, yeah. It's not his fault. No.

And there's girls named Mel, I think. Definitely. But we wanted to bring Nick in just so we could talk about your fucking, we were going to have you on later on this week. And maybe we still will. Yeah, we'll see how this goes. Yeah. You probably won't want to.

You have better fish to fry. Nah. Nah, you guys are my best fish. We are your best fish? Yeah, we'll see how this goes. Yeah, you probably won't want to. You have better shit to, you have better fish to fry. Nah, nah, you guys are my best fish. We are your best fish? Yeah, yeah, just caught it.

Yeah, fresh, you're a trout. Dude, I fucking love that. I don't think I've ever had trout, but I think that they fish it in America. Yeah,

they do, and that's why, it's good, it's fresh water. Bears eat it. Isn't that what bears go for? Bears go for salmon. Dude,

who was trying to tell me the other day that fucking, oh, Vibs was trying to tell me that- Don't get me started. Lewis and Clark fucking, they, all the boys found salmon. Did he tell you the same anecdote? Told me the same thing. He's fucking sharing anecdotes, dude.

Come on. Like an old man just fucking retelling the same story. What was it? I didn't hear it. Lewis and Clark preferred eating horse over eating salmon. They all found salmon, and they're like, ew, this is icky. All of Lewis and Clark's men were like, it's icky. And the Native Americans taught them how to fish it, trap it, eat it, cook it, prepare it.

An unlimited resource. And they're like, no, we're going to eat our horses and our dogs. We have five horses and five dogs. Yeah, they removed a rib so they can have horse meat. going to eat our horses and our dogs we have five horses and five dogs yeah they were moved to ribs so they can have horse meat and they fucking sucked away lewis and clark gay um people say saccagioia was the beard really yeah wait who was john smith fucking then everybody pocahontas john smith was fucking pocahontas i understand i understand Pocahontas. Pocahontas. I understand. I understand. But Lewis and Clark were gay? Yes.

Really? Yeah, I mean, anybody who explores. If you want to be an adventurer, guess what, buddy? Bad news. Okay. Anybody who loves to climb in a cave. They ran away. We got to get out of this town.

Yeah. We got to get out of here. They don't understand us. They're out just logging. They're just fucking out in the wilderness they're on the organ trail looking for the biggest organ they can find it's gotta be out there to their credit dude what do they know that there was an organ at the end of that trail i think that was that their goal to find an organ yeah because they fucking found one dude they were gonna name wherever they landed after an organ but uh but i i say that to say that i don't think i've ever

had trout i think that i've had salmon and i know that trout's uh or steelhead is steelhead a trout steelhead maybe i don't know trout's just one of my favorite colors look up the color trout it's like a gray you'd love it your eyes are kind of trout i have trouty eyes you do have a little fish eye my eyes take the color of the last fish i ate really yeah get some salmon in you yeah some zooming ass pink eyes I'll have a little piece of beluga. Is that... They're piercing. Is that conjunctivitis? No, no, no. No, I just ate salmon.

I got pink eyes. Let me look up the color of trout. But they have... It's like a little bit of like a translucent like pink and also teal to a trout, isn't it? Fish low-key pretty. That was the worst sentence I've ever it? Fish low-key pretty. That was the worst sentence I've ever said. Fish low-key pretty. That was like a caveman combined with like a hype beast.

That was a bit Samoan. Fish low-key pretty. The fucking caveman hype beast. Dude, but Nick, it's long overdue that you've been in here on fucking Son of a Boy Dad. And it's the same that it took Sass being just a bad person. But for me, it's nice to have someone that's engaged in the conversation and not just thinking about what they're about to say next. Unless that's what you're doing.

Yeah, I'm prepping. I'm trying to sway the conversation into something else. Well, then let's talk about your fucking pillow then. You want to talk about my pillow pillow talk right now? Yeah. Let's talk about your pillow. Dude, I've been having so many like skin and hair issues. Like my dandruff has been horrible.

I have a scabby scalp right now. For real? Yeah. Why? I don't know. It looks like I think I thought it was leprosy. You thought you were one of them? I thought I got an ancient biblical disease on my scalp.

People have been getting leprosy way more recent to present than you fucking realize. Yeah. I think there was a leprosy. People with leprosy have the best dick game, apparently. Is that right? Yeah. Why? What makes it so great?

Leave it with you when they're done. Yeah. It just unscrews like the leg of a chair. Yeah. Just put a new one on. Leave your dick behind. They just crawl out of the leg of a chair. Yeah. Just put a new one on. Leave your dick behind. Yeah. They just crawl out of their dick like a hermit crab.

That's like the ultimate way. You know how girls leave like hair bands at your place to come back? Like an earring. Oh, fuck. I left my dick at your place. Yeah, I left my dick. You mind if I just... Can you look around and see if my fucking cock's there?

Or like a girl texts you just to fuck with you like, is this dick yours? You know it's not my fucking dick you know that was not mine no i'd still like check just be like oh no i'm pretty sure it's not hold on let me check no i still got mine must be some other guy's dick that you left over there but i think that there was like a girl trying to convince you that it is yours you find it just be like no it is yours. You find it and just be like, no, it's yours. No, I definitely have this one right here. That's definitely not my dick. I've been gaslit by some girl.

You had two. Bitch, I didn't have two dicks. There's leper colonies off fucking Hawaii, though. Really? What island? Luigi? How bullshit is the newest island of Hawaii they named Luigi? They did that? Yeah. That isn't

Hawaiian. No way. Dude, the Hawaiians must be fucking pissed off. I don't think the Hawaiians like us. They're not. Yeah, they don't. I heard a story about a Hawaiian dude who just refused to pay taxes and he took it to the Supreme Court

and they were like, you actually don't have to pay taxes because we stole this land from you. We just jammed ourselves on this land. I feel like more Hawaiians should be like jumping through that loophole. You don't have to be paying taxes if you just get your whole people genocide. And an otherwise very expensive city. Yeah, exactly. It is. I was talking about Oahu.

That's a fucking island. Honolulu. Yeah, that's fucking island that's a honolulu yeah that's it yeah you fucking you've been why is confusing as fuck say it what say say it the native way hawaii there are people who are on tiktok just like white girls who are like whenever i go to the store in hawaii these are the things i have to pick up and it's just like a $12 box of Lucky Charms. It costs so much money to get there. Yeah.

Yeah, they do have crazy tariffs. But also, I think half of their, like, half the snacks on their shelves are Japanese. Really? Yeah, which I feel like you'd be into. Why is that? I feel like you're a little bit into Asian culture. In what way? You're not at all.

I'm wearing an american football sweatshirt right levi's jeans that's pretty american i'm red-blooded baby some stan smiths come on that's some bonobos i'm wearing bonobo socks as you you could tell because my circulation's so good throughout my body yeah usually my skin has gotten less rosy what's the number one city you want to hit uh tokyo that's because the arcades there uh each each floor of the arcade is a higher difficulty game what yeah see dude i knew you were into asian culture you were trying to fucking sweep it under the rug not food or anything i just want to go to that multi-level, that lasagna arcade. And I'm not even good at video games. I'd be on the fucking basement floor.

That is how lasagna works, though. The top level is the hardest. It's the hardest. It's the crunchiest. And then the bottom noodle is soft. Yeah. It's exactly how it works. Damn, bro.

And they don't even have lasagna. They don't even have a fucking... Why are they trying to steal fucking... Asians don't know about cheese. Yeah, they have no idea. Name an Asian dish with cheese. Like a rangoon or something? But that's not even really cheese.

And that's more... That's Americanized. That's like the reverse Silk Road. That's like... We should have traded them. We should have traded Marco Polo some fucking Parmesan cheese when he was stealing fucking noodles from them. Yeah. the fucking gang dude how did we i feel like i i have like an add thing where i had a point where i would talk about my pillow oh yeah yeah i've had

all these skin conditions so i've been complaining to my mom psoriasis i was just like i need a medicine i need a salve rosacea i've been wanting a salve forever what's the difference between a salve and just a cream is it thicker is it the consistency yeah it starts with cream and then the middle is ointment and then it goes to salve salve is in a jar creams in a in a creams in a tube ointments in a jar about a pomade a pomade texture was damn i thought a pomade was just for your hair not for your skin yeah pomades for hair pomades a salve for your skin oh i thought you're confusing that with a skin butter? A body butter?

Yeah, maybe. And I think there's also like a mask, but I think a mask can be for your hair too. A mask can be for your skin, but you can also put a mask on your hair. I'm trying to up my grooming game as well too, which is a slippery slope for some. Speaking of.

Trying to get hot this year? This is the year. This is the year I'm going to get really fucking hot. But speaking of, you're trying to get hot this year uh this is the year yeah this is the year i'm gonna get really fucking hot but speaking of you're trying to get hot out here my mom she instead of any salve or ointment she was like okay i have the perfect solution she bought me a hundred dollar pillowcase and then she was like but there's a learning curve for a pillow what is that i i'm sliding off of it what What does the learning curve mean? It's frictionless. That it's like the pillow slanted to ergonomically cradle your head? No, it's over my regular pillow.

It's just the case. So what do you mean it's a learning curve? Have you ever heard of a blissy? That's what my pillow is called. It sounds like a bussy. It sounds a little bit like a bussy. But it's a blissy? Yeah.

What's the issy from? I understand the bliss part. It is encouraging you to sleep in blississy yeah what's the issy from i understand the bliss part like it is encouraging you to sleep in bliss but the what's the issy it's the sound you make when you first put your head on it see no you just squeal like that yeah so what what is it uh i keep slipping and sliding off of it and i'm exhausted yeah i'm i have to relearn to sleep something that you don't have to teach yourself yeah i i feel like that's uh counterintuitive for making you sleep better i feel like that'll give you a worse night's sleep before it gets better but my cheek though feel it i'm a side sleeper oh fuck that's

incredible and the thread counts astronomical the number is is can't even be quantified as a sideways eight yeah it's just a fucking lot of fucking threads what uh that's getting soft as fuck bro yeah are you worried that sleeping on your side is going to uh like damage your shoulder though it's the best for uh aging really yeah so if you sleep on your stomach that ages you faster it's a if you sleep it gets you wrinkles in the side and i'm i'm reverse aging so if you slept you sleep on your stomach, that's a reverse Benjamin Button. Oh, fuck. I didn't put that together.

But wait, so where does your shoulder go when you sleep on your side? Right there. My shoulder hurts when I sleep on my side. But that's why my posture is so bad. Yeah, yeah. My shit is fucking conditioned to just slump forward. Yeah. I'm fucking curled the fuck in. But I don't know.

I want to sleep. I want to be a back sleeper, but the shit's not comfortable. The shit's not comfortable. And apparently, it gives you better dreams when you sleep on your back because your brain floats forwards. Really? Yeah. But I can never keep my body on my back.

You know what I've been doing though? I'll stick my hand down the side of my underwear to keep it stable. I do that too, so it stays there. Do you really? Yeah. I wonder if anybody else does that. I sleep with a pregnancy wedge as well. Between your knees? Oh yeah. Dude. I sleep with a pregnancy wedge as well. Between your knees?

Oh yeah. Dude, I sleep with like 15 pillows and I've had something between my knees for like the last 12 years. You need it. You need a blissy. I sleep multiple pillows, none under my head. Really? Do you go arm under your head? Uh, yeah. Really? Like elbow. I sleep on my elbow. Like this the whole night? Yeah.

Bro, let's get sleep studies. We should. That'll be a lot of fun. Let like this the whole night yeah but let's get sleep studies we should that'll be a lot of fun let's all the whole gang get some sleep i'm afraid i have apnea i'd rather not know you don't want to you need to treat that shit now you need to c-pap now before it fucking kills you no but i think imagine having a machine to lug around i can't have sleepovers anymore with the boys yeah you can't just roll up Sometimes Owen invites me over I pack up my bag I head over we watch White Noise I'm a little too afraid to fall asleep But then I eventually do

Wait what's White Noise? That's that old movie It's a horror movie about Is it a LaRue song? White Noise Is that a girl singer? Wouldn't know He doesn't like female vocalists Something's just missed me with that If I'm letting a girl singer? Yeah. Wouldn't know. Oh, fuck. He doesn't like female vocalists.

Something's just missed me with that. If I'm letting a girl sing to me. I don't know, dude. It's not really their lane. I don't know, though. No. I want a big, muscular dude screaming in my ear. I don't know.

I heard song came from women, though. Song came from women? Yes. Please. Women came from men. Oh, that's fucking true. Are you talking about the sirens in like ancient greece or how far back that probably does play into it but i think that uh the women were

fucking back at home cooking up fucking songs keeping the culture no those ancient greeks would rather cut off boys balls than listen to a girl sing oh these girls sound just like these boys without balls we're gonna keep doing this though we're gonna fuck these young men instead of these singing bitches dude i'm so afraid like if reincarnation is like all across time like imagine being reincarnated in the past and you're like you go i i was probably a a castrated singer back in the day a reincarnated time machine you could travel my path of reincarnation i was a castrated boy singer and then I was a drummer boy in the Civil War.

Epstein's just an old soul. Oh, he's an old soul. People would view him differently if they knew that he was just a fucking old soul. Pedophiles could just say they're old souls. Yeah. I guess that makes sense. Born in the wrong generation.

It's like defending your grandparents' racism the same way. Oh, he's an old soul. He's just an old soul. It's a different time. My boy Rittenhouse was an old soul. Dude, so you've always been a boy. So you were a boy singer in Greece. You were a drummer boy.

And now you're coming in the boy dad world. I am. Recurring. It's a full circle. Time is a flat circle. Yeah, bro. Is it? Not if you're fucking traveling back and not if you're like transubstantiated back to fucking cave person time.

Time is a prepubescent ball sack. That's right. How's that? It's just real tight to the... It's secular and you don't notice when you're cycling. And the older you get, things get a little hairy. tight to the dude but it's secular and you don't notice when you're when you're cycling and the older you get things get a little hairy dude my ball sack was looking tiny this morning cold i guess i yeah i walked outside i came back and it was fucking it was climbing back into you but i

heard that into you into me but uh is a hernia when your ball sack goes into your body can a hernia be when your ball gets sucked into your body can a hernia be when your ball gets sucked into your abdomen i thought it was when you're like uh muscles like or something an organ goes through the muscles of your abdomen and you get a little lumpy lump i had a fucking home a homeboy who got a fucking hernia and i think that it was it was in high school but his i think his ball got sucked into his abdomen that yeah okay i feel like that'll change you forever. I feel like that's also a bad thing. The fact that that's a possibility.

Yeah, why? We're designed poorly. Just getting sucked in. An inguinal hernia. Inguinal? That's even a bad word. Small part of the intestine drops into

the scrotum with the testes. It's inguinal? Yeah, your boy's inguinal. That shit sounds Italian too. Yeah, inguinal.

He's got an inguinal. I think it might be a lump that feels like a third nut that goes back that comes and goes but it's not actually a nutty yeah he doesn't actually have a nutty in his tummy i think he did have a nut in his stomach not in his tummy unlike the fucking assholes from out and about who've never had a nut in their stomach those valor stealing bastards yeah they never have they've never had a nut in their stomach. Those valor-stealing bastards. Yeah, they never have. They've never sucked off a man. So I was smelling Pat's upper lip today. It smelled like pussy. Explain that. How do you get a pussy scent?

From close range? Or you smelled it from across the room? Smelled it from across the room. I smelled you from across the room. Dude, being able to snipe a smell from across the room would be amazing. Like you aim your nostril. That's what Italians do. That is what they do. Big ass nose Italian.

I think I have one of the best smells in the office. I don't have one of the best a lot of senses. Probably one of the worst voices in the office, especially speaking voices. You hear my speaking voice terrible. It's amazing because your entire life has been dependent on your voice. And imagine if it was a good one. It'd be fucking incredible. You wouldn't be here.

But dude, if I could find a way to monetize my smell dude i think it's good i think i could smell ingredients i don't have perfect smell you know the people that can uh it's like perfect pitch right yeah but i but there are people who can like smell every ingredient in a dish like a perfect like you can your perfect pitch you can tell it's a c-note you can smell the hundred in my wallet. Yeah. That is the C-note that I can smell. I can smell the ethnicity of woman on gay Pat's upper lip. Moroccan gay Pat?

And he has been on a Moroccan kick. He's been on a Moroccan tear. Yeah. He cannot stop fucking the Moroccans. Yeah. And he won't even double team someone with joey he won't even fucking get in the lab with joey because he thinks that's gay he's actually more homophobic than little sass and i'm going to address that at some point with with uh with hr

yeah and i fucking promise you well pat is the straightest guy in the office. Yes. He is monetizing faking being gay. I've never seen him fuck a man. I've never seen him hard looking at a man. Facts. I've only seen him gawk at women. Yeah, I've never seen him make a guy cum. He goosed a woman in the office yesterday. Did he?

What happened to goosing? You can't really do it anymore. Yeah, cancel culture finally came for goosing. But the one thing that you can do is the camel bite, though. You can do a camel bite. You can do it between

these two fingers. But I think if you do it between these two fingers, that's the line where it's sexual harassment. Can you still get somebody's nose? I don't fucking know. Go into HR

because somebody got my nose. Yeah, he actually got my nose you can probably get fired for fucking getting someone's nose at uh but that's what that's for the bars to a fucking difference you come on the fucking pirate ship someone's gonna get your nose eventually and you just have to fucking come to grips with it that's right that's how it is that's how fucking port nose got his name that's right that's how we got you That's how fucking Portnose got his name, bro. That's right. That's how we got his name. You have to use your middle finger between there for a larger nose. Yeah, that's how we got his power. He looks like fucking, what's up? Legends of the Hidden Temple ass.

The Olmec. The Olmec ass. He's looking like Olmec, laying on his back looking like a sundial. He does, dude. Wait, so how does laying on your back not make you, how is that not the best sleeping way? How is laying on your side the best way for aging and not laying on your back? Laying on is that not the best sleeping way? How is laying on your side the best way for aging and not laying on your back? Laying on my back just creeps me out. That's too casket-y.

Yeah, it is. It does feel like death, but I feel like eventually all sleep moves towards people laying on their back. I feel like once you get old enough, you get too old. I had to age out of laying on my stomach because I used to lay in this way. That's some toddler shit.

Yeah, it's called the king or the prince pose or something because your hands are forming a crown above your head. Yeah. But my shoulder would pop out in my fucking sleep. And that's when I knew I was fucking old and had a bad body. Yeah, when you hurt yourself sleeping. Yeah, I was in full relaxation. Have you hurt yourself with a sneeze yet? Yeah, I've done that.

I've thrown out the back with a fucking sneeze. That's fucking bad, dude. And I know that falling is going to come. And I really hope I'm staving off falling. And you guys have some sass fans. So it's a younger audience. And so for the younger audience that's afraid of getting aging, just don't do it. There's one way that you can do it

that's my advice and it's really in your head no conflicting ads this week yeah honestly like we can really we can talk about that this week if there's one week where we can really talk about about the suey and this is a suey pot

this is a suey friendly pot some people are into that pot you know some people are into that not me but some people are actually into that yeah once you can only you can't have a suicide phase i used to dabble in suicide we're being like adamant that you liked suicide before someone gatekeeping suicide all these new kids fucking killing themselves. I was doing that long ago. Yeah, or maybe in heaven.

Yeah. Gatekeeping suicide. Who's your buddy who's goaded at dying? I mean, St. Peter is the, what? Who's your buddy who's goaded at killing himself? The goat keeper. Dead Marcus? Yeah.

Yeah, that's how we earned the nickname. Nobody did it like him. Dude, I fucking took that, the dead Marcus chain you gave me to the fucking ends of the earth dude yeah you traveled well he would have loved to see i was showing him beaches and like the stages like it was a very make a wish type of thing for dead market he would have hated that yeah he died the first time he left the house he was afraid to leave the house we made him go go to Spencer Gifts. Died in Spencer Gifts. No way.

What happened to Spencer? Seizure. No way. From all the sensory overload? He was flipping through the posters too fast. Fuck, bro. The periodic table of beers. And then it was Vita Guerra,

I believe her name was, her poster. Damn, he must have been horny as fuck. That's a good way to go out, though. Into Spencer Gifts? Dude, I used to think that if I was on a plane that was going down, that I would, uh, like, I would like have sex with whoever was closest to me. Like, uh, I'd be like,

all right, let's just fucking, let's just fuck before the plane land. I was like positive. Like I would tell myself on planes, like, all right, like if this plane is going to fucking crash, like I got to fucking have sex with it. Got to get your last nut. Yeah. I really thought that that's like something that would or like if the earth was going to end, like if there was a meteor coming towards earth, that I would just be like, all right, the last thing I would do is just like I would fuck. Do you like fucking that much? And I think that I thought I was going to when i was younger or that i'd be able to like get real horny at like a tragic moment yeah and if dudes can do that or if women can do that if people can get to a level of horniness when shit is really bad then fucking

power to them power to them but uh no not me no you will not be my friend yeah all my friends are the least horny i have the least horny crew yeah you kind of do what do you do when you go out to the bars you don't fuck we got a corner booth yeah yeah we got like nachos extra jalapenos not even looking out just facing it facing the corner face in the entire corner damn you never thought you not not even in your youngest age that you were going to age, that you were going to be horny when you grew up? Did you ever aspire? I've never hunted for pussy, if that's what you're asking. You've always been the hunted? Yeah, I'm the prey. I'm like a newborn. You ever seen the newborn antelope coming out and

immediately gets eaten? Just destroyed right away. the whole rest of the herd runs away yeah you just get devoured there it's tough but i think that you could hunt and i think that you could fuck on a plane that was about to crash i think that you have that in you i don't i think that you're you're not giving yourself enough credit i think that you have the the build the physicality and the sexuality to be able to do that i don't even think it's a look thing when you're about to die. You think it's position-wise? How would you actually mount someone and get on top of them while they're in their

plane seat? Yeah, it's an angle thing. Especially if they're trying to bend over like that. Or you could maybe have them sit on your lap. I'd probably get too nervous and just have the oxygen mask suck me off. Assist I'd probably get too nervous and just have like the oxygen mask suck me off. Assist whoever's next to you before strapping the oxygen mask to your own dick. Strap the oxygen mask around you.

You may start to feel cum coming out of your penis. You may not feel the cum coming out, but I assure you it's there. Once we get to a point where we have robots that can suck us off make us cum whatever they're going to be able to do inevitably your favorite city uh tokyo is probably working on this right now i think they already have them they're probably getting to the bottom of it right now i wouldn't be about that either but they should fall out on planes and you should be able to get one euphoric nut off like you should be able to maximize all of your like you should get the head high some kind of body high and like a sexual high

going through your body in the event of a crash an oxygen mask will fall from the ceiling and there's a there's a your seat doubles as a fleshlight and you would definitely find like how you find like crumbs in the thing in front of you. Just like a bunch of dudes spunk bubbles in the fucking. Dude, if they start offering pussies with the Stroopwafels. You could have a Biscoff cookie or some pussy. You know, if you put the fleshlight on top of the tea, it actually softens the fleshlight for you. It makes it a way more comfortable and pleasurable experience for you. If you just fuck the top of the T, it actually softens the flashlight for you. It makes it a way more comfortable and pleasurable experience for you if you

just fuck the top of the flashlight. I think you could fuck on a plane that's crashing, but what the fuck do I know? What do you know? You think anyone's ever done it? I bet someone has done it. Do you think on the 9-11 planes? Damn. You think that those, uh,

you think the terrorists on 9-11 were just uh you think they're just gay boys who wanted to kill themselves and they just sucked each other off in the cockpit as they were going down i think that's fact isn't it that's what happened yeah and i think the conspiracies about 9-11 are the ones that said that those dudes weren't gay sucking themselves off as they crashed yeah to greatest monuments. They were. But those dudes were exactly that. That's what the guy whispered to George Bush. Some gay men have just

They were all gay. Mr. President, there's some bad news. The Twin Towers were taken down. We suspect the men were gay. Oh my god. No. or that's why he didn't get up right away because they didn't tell him that the dudes were gay yeah he was like oh that's fine you didn't tell me they were gay um fuck nick well uh thanks for coming on yeah and kind of coming out of the bullpen and saving the day.

Thank you for having me. You're great. I appreciate it. You're great, too. You're great. And honestly, we'd love to have you on. Congratulations on all your success with the show. I'm glad you guys have finally gotten your boards.

Oh, fuck. Nah, don't worry. Some podcasts get them the very next day they conceive a podcast. Yours will be coming. Only the really successful ones. So hopefully we'll work on it. Okay. We'll get there sometime.

You were eyeing up a board that was sitting in the corner. Thank you for having me. I'm going to go ahead and shut the fuck up, but please follow Nick on everything. No, I have enough followers. Yeah, and you don't post anything. Definitely listen to Anus. You don't post on anything, but that is the one thing that you can give the people is listening to Anus and supporting Anus all across the board. Thanks, bro.

Yeah, thank you. See you right now as we go do something else together.