Son of a Boy Dad - Son of a Boy Dad: Ep. 38 - ANUS x SOABD Pt. 2

Episode Date: January 13, 2022

-- Son of a Boy Dad: Ep. 38 - ANUS x SOABD Pt. 2 -- Sas and Rone are joined by Nick Turani and KB No Swag. They hung out for a few hours; Pt. 1 is on the A New Untold Story feed -- Full episodes also available on YouTube -- Thanks for listening/watching!You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, son of a boy dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Like a little under half. In the back, in the back. It's not my fault. We're just slow drinkers. Three, two, one.

Headphones in? Headphones in or on? Down the house. Alright, ready? What is up, everybody? Welcome back to Son of a Boy Dad Podcast. Today is Wednesday, January 12th. It is 6.30pm. Today we are joined by KB No Swag and Nick Teraney. Thank you for having us.

That's four appearances for the two of you on this show. Yeah, that's right. Mine's three and a half, I'd say. No, it's four total. Four episodes have had you pussies on. I don't like the optics of this. About ready to cut you boys a check. We're just having beers.

You're some fucking weirdo. Why are you drinking this odor protect, bro? Like a sixth grader in juvenile detention. Oh, some fucking weirdo. Why are you drinking this odor protect, bro? Like a sixth grader in juvenile detention who like tries to be an addict. Doesn't know what to do. I bet you could get more fucked up off of this

pure odor protector 24-7 technology than anything else in here. If you did it the right way, what do you have to put it in the bag and like huff it. What do you know about huffing? Me? I used to go to huffing gasoline parties in seventh grade.

I've told this story, I think a handful of times. You've mentioned a lot, but it needs to be. We haven't stressed it enough. My boy, Logan Seidler. Like it was like a trend. Like you go up and we'd have camping sleepovers. So you'd go up and sleep in a tent in the backyard. And Logan Seidler was the first one to do it. and we'd have camping sleepovers. So you'd go up and sleep in a tent in the backyard.

And Logan Seidler was the first one to do it. And we'd go up there and everybody just had like gas that was from the shed for the lawnmower and you'd all huff it and pass it around. Sounds awesome. Yeah. So I've huffed. What about just regular drugs? What about just any other drugs?

No, we'd all huff gas. And that was the best drug you can, because that's very third world. Spray paint. Metallic spray paint. In Ethiopia, that's what they do. They roll a blunt of glue or they like literally suck on an exhaust pipe. And people will have like seizures and pass out in the middle of the streets.

They're heavy on their jankum too. In Ethiopia? Yeah. They like jankum? Yeah, they jank. What's jankum again? Poop jar. Poop jar.

Poop jar. Poop jar. What do you mean poop jar? I feel like euphoria would be more accurate if they were huffing or if they were on jenka jenka euphoria jenka would be awesome zendaya's like getting the room zendaya's turds are getting everybody real fucked up hers now everybody's pissed because hers smell good yeah or like they don't uh they're not getting anyone fucked up like she's not doing enough to have big-ass turds anymore. Zendaya's anorexic, so her fucking jenkum stinks.

And not in a good way. Yeah. Not in the best type of stinks. Thank you guys so much for coming on this week. So pumped to have you guys here. Hit you with the normal slate of interview questions. Why couldn't you just say that in a normal voice? Yeah, just can't you actually? As if you were actually pumped.

We're not pumped. Because I think that we're normal voice? Yeah, just can't you actually? As if you were actually pumped. We're not pumped. Because I think that we're kind of. No, we are pumped. The fact that we just did a whole other episode that was right before this on your guys' podcast. We threw you on the main. You guys threw us a bonus. We're on the bonus episode. Yeah, but you.

No, it's cool, you guys. This is four times you've been on. This is four times you've been on in our 30 episodes. We're like the Alec Baldwin of being on your show. Yeah, you low-key are. I'm going to shoot sass next time I'm on. I thought he was saying that he didn't do it, though. I thought that Baldwin was saying that it wasn't him that...

No, he was holding the gun, but he didn't pull the trigger. But he said he didn't pull the trigger. The Baldwin brother. All three. I'm thinking of Vietnamese cancer patients. The Baldwin brothers. The brothers. They both got it.

It wasn't like genetic. They both just happened to get it. Different terminal cancers. Yeah, they're both very bad. You're about the Baldwin brothers. Hey, you just recently beat cancer. I did. I had a lymph node scare.

We're happy for you. Where are your lymph nodes? Are they on your armpit? I still don't know I believe your lymph nodes can be swollen in your groin area Yeah that's right Dump your groin out bro Armpits, neck What's your neck nodes?

That's what gets swollen when you get a cold There is a disgusting amount of ways To get cancer What's your neck nodes? There's actually one node. That's what you get swollen when you get a cold. Right. Isn't that what you had? Or if you had. There is a disgusting amount of ways to get cancer. Oh, yes. Yes. It's basically inevitable. It's like, yeah, it's going to happen.

If we aren't murdered, we're going to die of cancer. Yeah, it's like, all right. Everything causes cancer. There's infinite ways to get cancer and also heart disease kills everyone. I was going to say, you guys are sleeping on heart disease. I'm going to get heart disease. Why? Because my dad has it and my grandpa has it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You'm going to get heart disease. Why? Because my dad has it

and my grandpa has it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're still speaking in present tense, so it can't be that bad. The fact that your grandpa has it is kind of like relief. My grandpa had a quadruple...

Bypass? Bypass. And my dad had a double bypass. But when? My dad had a double bypass like two, three years ago. Because the fact that he's a grandpa and had one

and he had it like a while ago. Yeah, he's good. That bypass must have been extraordinary then. Extraordinary. They must have just opened up all the holes and his blood's just flowing normally. Yeah, he's probably better than ever. I feel like better than ever.

I mean, getting a quadriplegny. He's like, we'll bypass when you're like 40 years ago. That's like old tech they're using too. He's a fighter. Oh, yeah. Oh, he's a warrior. He's in a wooden scalpel. He's a warrior. Honestly, he probably didn't even have anesthesia for him. Yeah. He just had to bite's a fighter. Oh, yeah. Oh, he's a warrior. He's in a wooden scalpel. He's a warrior. Honestly,

he probably didn't even have anesthesia for him. He just had to bite on a bullet. The nurses weren't qualified. They were just hot and put out. My other grandpa got back surgery and he was awake. For the surgery? For the surgery.

I think they used to not have remedies for back pain. PFT said that his dad had a herniated disc or some shit I think they they used to not have like remedies for back pain yeah PFT said that his dad got his dad had like a herniated disc or some shit like that and they like put him on a wheel and stretched him out

which sounds like a medieval type of torture it just is that must feel great I don't think it was though I think it was like really like a wooden wheel

I don't even think they spun him I think they did they're just throwing you around like a naked you look like the Vitruvian man Yeah they definitely just fucking sprawled his body out They experienced pain levels

That like the modern human can't even fathom And they didn't have air conditioning It was definitely normal as fuck for them Just like housewives were experiencing Fucking extraordinary pain every single day Mental pain And also, children, like, there was no parenting that went

on. I think parenting's a brand new concept. And that's why people are bad at it because it's just like, it's not like ingrained in anybody to parent. You're just supposed to fucking let your kids run out into the wild if they die. Yeah, that's why you had like ten kids so they could work and like, you could afford to lose a few. It's like a trial and error

type thing. Yeah. all right we fucked up on this one yeah the Irish yeah the Irish were like locking out of the house what other cultures have a ton of kids fucking I know Nigerians always have like what's the most Catholics you think you know Malawi

Chad yeah Chad it's Africa really it's Africa Malawi you just got I don't know how to pronounce it. Malawi? Malawi. Is it not like Catholics? They don't use condoms. They're all Catholic.

Yeah. Okay. They definitely are. They're tricked. See, that's interesting. That interests me. Catholicism? Intrigues me.

I don't think you could hack it in Catholicism. Oh, I could. No. I am Catholic and Jewish, believe it or not. That's what I mean. You just can't. That's not a thing that could happen. Straddling the fence.

That's a little bit fucking... One hates the other and then one hates the other. Jesus was a Jew. You can be Catholic and Jewish. Until he was killed by the Catholics. You can. You can because Jewish is also a race. Yeah.

It's an ethnicity. Ethnicity. I don't know. That's not a... You can't check that box. Oh, you can. And I did. Are you a POC? I'm 40% Jewish.

Are you POC? You're 40% Jewish? Yes. How do you get that number? In the mud. I did a... What's it called? Test. 23andMe? 23andMe. Just submitted to the government? Mm-hmm. You're just gonna get tracked forever? I'm chipped up. You might as well get clear then if you're gonna do 23andMe.

Clear the airplane thing? Yeah. That's the same type of shit though. Is that the one that like scans your face? Yeah, you have to take like a prick of blood every time. Those people are like the most pushy employees ever. Because they'll just degrade you. It's like, yo, retard, you still waiting in line?

I know. And you're quoting them because they said that. Yes, it's a direct quote. Really? You got to go through the whole process just to get one minute faster. No, I think it's 100% worth it. It does work. Do you have clear?

You definitely have it. Isn't it like a monthly subscription? I went to the airport once with Roan and he was hanging out in the first class lounge area. It's incredible. And I was standing because there was nowhere to sit. Hands pressed against the window. Did you get into the first class lounge? No, because I wasn't first class.

I wasn't either. The people at Barstool booked the flights and then they booked Rowan for first class and I was in like the last row of the plane. No, they just booked me first class lounge and it's Delta Lounge and it's incredible. They made you get a job as a stewardess. Yeah, yeah. I had to work the flight. He had to pay his way. Yeah.

Like, we're going to fucking land this plane and drop you off if you don't give out this apple juice. Yeah. Get these people the fucking apple juice. I used to crush Bloody Marys on planes, but... They don't really sell alcohol on many flights. Not any COVID. Yeah.

I don't understand how duty-free works. What's duty? I think a duty is your taxes. Right. So it's just a part of the airport. It's tax. No sales tax. But they'll also like, so you'll buy a bottle of whatever, Johnny Walker in the duty free.

Johnny Dub. Johnny Dub. Black. Black. And then they'll seal the bag and it's like illegal for you to rip open the bag. But it's just also just a plastic bag. It's like the easiest thing to rip open. Like you're not allowed to drink it until you get to your destination or something like that.

You love breaking rules though. Yeah, and you open it. Slugging in the bathroom. Fuck yeah. Fucking lights out. Say less. Fight with a stewardess on the plane. Has your fear of flying diminished at all?

Oh, big time. It has. Because I've been taking copious amounts of Ativan. Okay. Yeah. I heard that 90 doses of Ativan will lead to psychosis. It's like 88, 90 doses. In your life?

Of Ativan. I don't even know what Ativan is. It is God's drug. What is it? It makes you melt. Xanax. Dude, I like flying now because I get to take Ativan when I take it. Xanax for little boys.

So you're just addicted? No, because I don't take it. I take it like once every few months. When you fly? Yeah. Yeah. And I don't take it. I take it like once every few months. When you fly. Yeah. And I'm like, oh, dude, I take I'll take one pill and I'll be walking through the airport just like smiling, just happy. I need that.

It's awesome. Because every single time I'm like in line, don't like you see me. I peel off because I call my mom. I'm like, I'm not getting on this. Don't you do two Advil PMs, two gin and tonics? No, I do four Advil PMs, two gin and tonics? No, I do four Advil PMs and four gin and tonics. No, tequila sodas.

Drinking doesn't work for me in the airport. Like, it makes me, like, feel worse. That's just how I wash down the PMs. Yeah. What about lorazepam? I feel like that just makes me feel super groggy. Ativan, lorazepam? Ativan, lorazepam. I need it all, but I don't want to go to a doctor.

Dude, you don't even need to. I called my doctor and I said, I can't fly. I don't have a doctor. I don't want to go to a doctor. Dude, you don't even need to. I called my doctor and I said, I can't fly. I don't have a doctor. I don't either. I have a pediatrician. You guys are pathetic. Nick doesn't have a pediatrician. Dude, I called my doctor. What is this?

This is the saddest back of the lie. I called my doctor and I said, I was in North Carolina and I said, I can't go home unless I get something. Yeah. And then they prescribed me Ativan. And then my life changed. You're saying they're pussies for not being able to like take transportation?

They're pussies and losers for like 10 different reasons in the past four minutes. There are so many different combinations of things that made them pussies and losers. In the last five minutes, you can run it back and keep tally. And they're not even taking the drugs. There's so many things. They're taking the weakest prescription. Not even like... No, dude.

Have you ever taken Ativan? You take an Ativan? No, you get Ativan when you shoot for Xanax. I have an Ativan in my backpack right now that shit will put you on your ass. No, you try to get Xanax. They don't give you Xanax and they'll give you Ativan or Lorazepam.

And so it's like the softer... It's like the... Ativan or Lorazepam. Dude. And so it's like the softer version. It's like the Bud Light. Ativan and Lorazepam are the same thing. You keep on saying it like they're two different things. But I'm saying that those are like the minor league version of Xanax. No, no, it's one. That is. That.

But it's still like that is the minor league version. That's the softer version. But you got to take the right amount. But it just makes you melt. Dude. And smile. I literally can't. Like, I'll fall asleep before the plane takes off.

And then you just, I need that. Dude, I actually, I could go, or no, I don't have my notebook with me. Fuck you, dude. This is so lame. I don't have my notebook with me. You're wearing two different shoes, and I saw that your hand slipped when you were shaving your neckline. You have a little bump up there.

You purposely wore a green man suit under your clothes to the high school football game. And then acted like you forgot that it was on. And then stripped down to the green man suit outside of the student section. Nobody noticed or regarded you. A, because you weren't in the student section. He was half brain then, though. He was half brain. Let's keep the task at hand that everyone's smashing soft drugs.

It's not a soft drug. Ativan's like Kratom? No, I'm saying Kratom's stronger. It's a thousand times stronger than Kratom. Ativan? It's a Benzos. It's the same thing as Xanax. It's a minor league Xanax.

No, it's not. It's like if someone chewed up a Xanax and then spit it into your mouth. No, dude. It's like a dog Xanax. I was flying from, where was I? A dog CBD. A purse dog. I was flying from Nashville to New York, and I took one and a half Ativan, which is more

than I usually take. Nobody raps about Ativan. They should, because it's better than any other drugs in the world. Sif. raps about Ativan. They should because it's better than any other drugs in the world. And dude, I was literally trying to write jokes and I looked back on the notebook and it's just like scribbles of letters. You can't

read a single thing. You got your ass kicked by 10 milligrams of... My eyes were like half closed and I'm just like writing nonsense on the paper. So you're completely on a different planet and it makes like shih tzus not whine in the back of a van. Weren't you also writing a joke

about hot girl on plane while sitting next to her? Yes. That's how that joke came to be. I don't even know if she was hot. I didn't look at her the entire time. Just assumed she was. You had to placebo drowsy just to go to Tennessee. KB, I'm going to go to Tennessee. I have to feel somewhat

drowsy to go to this. I'm going to slip you a dose. I'm going to slip you a dose. I'm going to slip you a dose. Two out of hands and we'll see what happens. I don't just want to do it. I never have. I don't even know what that would be like.

Your smile would be a little bit bigger. I'm not kidding. I'll walk through. You'd melt a little more. You've seen me off the vans, bro. I know. And you are like pretty, you're like just floppy. Off the wall.

Off the wall. Vans off the wall. You're like a Muppet when you're in it. You're like a little Jim Henson character. I had to talk Roan out of a panic attack. Off the van. The roles were reversed. You held my hand.

You had a panic attack? Dude, we were on a plane. Yeah, we were on the plane. We had turbulence and Roan was turning around. He was like, dude, I think we're fucking crashing. Did you say that? And I was like, bro, planes don't crash these days. You were just like, uh.

I just put my hand back a row for him to hold on to. And he did. And he was a good dude about it. He doesn't fucking remember. He was told the story by someone else who was on the flight because he's in fucking outer space. Because he was a junkie. He's literally a drunk. I'm going to hook you guys all up with him.

Yeah, please do. I will. I'll take a recreationally. I know KB will too. I'm nervous 24-7, so I would just do it every single day. The Nick you know would be dead. and the blood would be on your hands that's where it becomes dangerous because you take an ativan i hate the man i am right now yeah you take an ativan and you're like i want to live like this always like this is fun yeah this is good i had an ativan the other day i had a buddy who who did heroin and he said the first time he did it,

he just like, the first thing he said was uh-oh, because he knew he was fucked. I actually had a dream pretty recently where I did heroin. It feels so good. You've done it? No, but uh... No, be real with us for just one. Be real with us for once. So to be real, after the

Georgia, after Georgia won their championship the other night. No, but I dusted off those fucking fake Mexican pills. Mexican oxys. And I ran them through a fucking. How does the fentanyl test work? A fentanyl test. You have to like crush up some of it.

You give them to somebody you like don't like. Damn, Ron wants to chill and do drugs. He's giving me first taste. He's letting me do first line every time i didn't know we were boys like that how do you feel you grind it into some water and then you dip the strip into the water so it's like a covid test exactly and but it can't be 100 percent until like you do the whole thing in there like you don't do the drugs right yeah because there could be fentanyl in it yeah no because they're i mean well regardless there's like fat there's like one

speck of fentanyl in like in like like this would be the fentanyl but it's not how it works out shut up why uh too real for you no too real no you can't so um nick remember when you like pretended to robo trip to get out of when you did it at the cotillion to get out of doing the courts with what was her name? Brett. Yeah. I'm not going to say her name. She looked real good in her fucking elbow length gloves. So a bunch of people went to the bathroom

to robo trip for real and pretended like you were and then acted like you were too high to dance with her. Yeah. Damn. I pretended to do Molly with you when you parachuted it out of a paper towel and I just ate a paper towel. You did?

I did the same thing. Wait, really? Yeah. So where'd the Molly go? What? It did not hit me. We were with people when they wanted

to parachute Molly and me and Kyle just ate paper towel. I thought I knew what parachuting was when you just wrap it in like thin. When you have a powder

and you put it into a piece of paper and so that's your pill line. That's like your pill casing. But we didn't have anything, so we just had bounty paper towels just dried out the mouth. And the quicker paper up or fucking hit. Just dry ass mouth. It probably absorbed all the fucking drug too.

It's like a trainee who was asked to roll a burrito on their first day and it was too sloppy, so I couldn't... My windpipe couldn't get it down. It is fucked when they ask the trainees. But they do have the band-aid burrito, like the little tortilla that they kind of can make into a band-aid in case the burrito bursts.

I haven't been to Qdoba or fucking Chipotle in like two years. Do they have Qdoba here? I wish. Do you really think it's that much better? I canceled my freshman meal plan in college so i could go to kiddo every day yeah and i realized that math did not add up and so i was out of fucking i canceled my meal plan i got like 600 bucks for the this was like my first week of college yeah and then by like week three i just had nothing and i had to call my mom and all my

buddies he were they had a chick-fil-a on campus and he thought that you could use meal swipes there yeah but he was just using his like cash yeah and he was out of money but at least it could though but like it could be a couple meals like you could technically stretch a burrito bowl into like two meals or something like you know was good as fuck it is like healthy my uh my second day of college i got diagnosed with whooping cough oh Oh, Jesus Christ. And I got prescribed to Promethazine. Promethazine? Codine? Yeah, which is like lean.

And we were doing an icebreaker. Yeah, my 40's molding. Yeah. I drank it like a scissor. I thought it was sick. My 40's covered in mold. Yeah. But look at the inside of mine.

It's not, it's completely quiet. It's probably because like one person buys a 40 every month. Yeah. But it said to take it in the morning, so I did. And then I passed out in the middle of 40 every month. Yeah. But it said to take it in the morning, so I did.

And then I passed out in the middle of an icebreaker. Jesus Christ. I was taking a nap. In the middle of an icebreaker? Yeah. No, I just was. Yeah, you kind of were. Yeah. He was ODing.

Yo, what's his name? I don't know. We didn't get to him in the icebreaker. What was his summer memory? What did he do over the summer? Was something unique about him? What was the truth and what was the lie? He's ODing.

If you need this information. They did say look to the left of you and look to the right of you. One's not going to be here. It was immediate. Imagine dying as soon as somebody does that. They look left and then you die. Damn. I got woken up by a counselor and I told her I took like

PM instead of AM but I knew I was just on lean yeah I just got prescribed it was prescribed but it felt weird to say

what year was it 2016 that was peak lean year that was no that was after that was dance pop that was

yeah that was no no that was after Molly that was dance. That was dance pop. That was, yeah. That was after Molly. No, that was dance pop. It was Trump and clowns running around. Clowns with knives. Are you sure clowns was in like 2013? When was bacon?

Yeah. Clowns was 16. When was mustaches? Mustaches and bacon. 12. Mustaches and bacon were 12. Yeah. Bacon?

Yeah, you remember Bacon was everything Everybody's obsession Was bacon Epic meal time Personality thing And then people would just be like Wearing shirts with a mustache on

And I'd be like That's fly as fuck Yeah That's a nice piece Girls would just fuck those dudes too The guy wouldn't even have a mustache But he'd just have one on his shirt And girls would still just fuck him down

Yeah Girls were getting tattoos Of mustaches right here And just being Yeah I wanted them so bad Or likeaches right here. And just being, yeah. I wanted them so bad. Or like flipping up their lip and having a mustache.

Yeah. Fousey tube. Girls, freshman girls love tattooing their bottom lip. Their lip tattoo, yeah. Yeah,

it's terrible. It's going to come off. Yeah. They come off fast. Yeah. Like, I love dick and they're just going to

bite it off. Yeah. It always would say something like that. Something super raunchy. I remember this kid I played golf with in high school was like my sister just got a tattoo that says daddy on her lip i was like why did he just like tell you like that yeah was he trying he was he seducing you here he come here he was extremely weird

i think he like was in love with his sister. I think that's an archetype, too, though. He was looking at his twin and he was like, my sister just got a tattoo that says daddy. It's an archetype. The siblings who probably fuck each other, they're either extremely hot or extremely gross. Yep. Yeah.

And I think they're usually pretty hot. Yeah, I think it's twins that are like, we're so hot, we're so hot, we're only good enough for each other. Or they can't find anybody else. I like the archetype of the younger sibling that's disappointed in the older sibling. It's like me.

My little sister told my high school teacher that I dropped out of college and just didn't tell her why. She's like, how's Harry doing? She's like, oh, he dropped out. college and just didn't tell her like why she's like how's Harry doing she's like oh he dropped out he's living in New York now my sister texted me and she was like

the truth isn't that much less sad she probably was protecting your teacher probably didn't want your teacher to be disappointed in you accepted the movie with Justin Long. Well, that's where the original

Goochman. That was the original Goochman. My goodness. Yeah. And I watched that over when I was on my little bitch-ass quarantine. What do you mean? Goochman's from... Character. Goochman's a character in that movie. Also, that's Blake Lively before her nose job. Yeah. Her nose looked

fine and great in that movie You saying that makes me just not believe it How can it be fine and great Oh it's fine and great Because these bitches get these fucking facial procedures And they didn't need to Also Efron Have you seen Efron's new face

He just got his wisdom teeth taken out bro He's not that good of an actor No he sucks ass But we're talking about his physical traits Don't do this. Don't do this. He's not that good of an actor. No, he sucks ass at acting. But we're talking about his physical traits. What are you guys talking about? I thought we were doing a light slander. I didn't realize we were fucking... Yeah, you're just going...

So now he's ugly and bad at acting. No, he's hot, but he's not... Have you guys seen that awkward moment? He's good at reality shows. What's that reality show? What is the odd awkward moment? Him, Michael B., and Mytel. Oh, yeah.

Watch that and tell me he's a bad actor i'm talking about it's he's he's a dj himself he's a graphic designer in that movie it's like you're not supposed to judge books by a cover that's what i do for a living just like shut the fuck up you're like i can't believe you're a graphic designer looking like that and it opens with a breakup and she's like i need somebody who doesn't drink coffee out of a cereal bowl by that and. Then he shrugs and rubs his six-pack. He's pretty good in the Ted Bundy movie.

Is he? I wouldn't mind being killed by him. Also, his travel show is fire. The drug one? Wasn't he on a psychedelic show on Netflix? It's the one where they take off. I think the Netflix show that he had. I thought that was a psychedelic show on Netflix or something? It's the one where they like take off. I think the Netflix show that he has.

I thought that was a fracking show. It kind of is because they go to Iceland and frack. But I think that show is where Touch Grass starts. I feel like that's where they started touching grass. I remember you said you had to get barefoot to get your circadian rhythm. Touch Grass is like an internet insult. It's an insult. Yeah, it's an internet insult.

Like Touch Grass, bitch. You'd fucking touch some. How is that? That is like an internet insult. Touch grass, bitch. That's a terrible internet insult. No, it's not. It's an amazing insult. How? It's referring to someone, oh, they're inside all day on their phone being a hater. And then you're just like, touch grass, bitch. But nobody who's saying that is touching

grass. Yeah, they're on the internet too, reading it. True. Aren't you on the internet all day? I haven't touched grass in a minute. You deadass haven't. I truly haven't in months. I haven't absorbed C in so long. Yeah? I haven't absorbed C since November. I was in the C this weekend, bro. No, like

vitamin C. Isn't it D from the sun? D. Fuck. Damn, you're all fucked up. Well, I haven't had D. Damn, bro, put the 40 down, brother. My goodness. It's that exact level of the 40 you forget what vitamin the sun's raised. You just got the vitamins mixed up. That's not like you. Don't you have a whole cup?

Did you take all those vitamins? Where did the vitamins go? Do you know what those vitamins are? They're fucking lorazepams, bro. Okay, someone call 911. They're all Ativan, bro. This guy's on borrowed time. Oh, D. I put the all out of hands, bro. This guy's on borrowed time. Oh, jeez.

I put the bar in borrowed time, bro. Bro, can you hear me? Wait, what? You're so good at it. Wait, the fuck? I'm so good at it. Can you hear me? We're gonna hit puberty someday, bro.

Fuck you, dude. I'm way better at it than you. No, Seth, I think you have a good voice, man. Nick's voice actually is deep. Nick might have a low-key to deepest voice actually is deep Nick might have low key The deepest voice on here Why would that be low key? You can just No it's literally a low key

I was about to make that joke I swear Fuck I know you were High key it would have been me or Roan Cause we're the hosts That's right And I have a whiny ass High key voice for real mine

sounds like a dog whistle does my voice a little racist dog whistle yipping in my ear all day people over 60 just can't hear you they definitely can't unless they're really racist in which case they fucking hear me they're not just listening they hear me KB KB what's on your mind something spit I'm good you solid you guys got a what's your sponsor today

there's a bonus yeah we ain't got one so we can say whatever we want oh fuck right that shit's so bad oh that's a Burt's Bees. He beat us. Oh, you play too much.

You see him acting out because we call him out for getting the vitamins wrong. I know. We talk shit on Efron. This is his defenseman. Yeah. Hey, I'm going to burn something. It's all he knows. You guys will pay the price.

All right, fuck you guys then. I'll play it straight then. But you shouldn't have talked shit on Efron. That shit is whack. No. I was just saying that his surgery went bad. He looks bad physically, not his fucking bad at what he tries his life to do. But you know he only got those opportunities because he's hot. I don't think that's true at all.

You think if Zac Efron was dirt ugly, he'd be like, Don't be a spirit ugly. Does that just mean brown? Dirt ugly. No, dude. It means? Dirt ugly. No, dude. It means like dirt is ugly. Earlier he was like, dude, I'm like almost 900% sure. Yeah, you said I'm almost 900%

sure. Dirt ugly. I'm not making that up. That's something people say. Dirt poor and butt ugly. Dirt ugly sounds way better. Dirt ugly sounds way better. Dirt ugly sounds like a male porn star.

It is butt ugly. It's dirt poor and butt ugly. Dirt ugly and butt poor. Dirt ugly. I'm going to keep saying it. I don't give a fuck. His first movie was about singing and dancing it wasn't even about his good looks

gay as hell no you have to be good looking to be was Corbin Blue I don't think Corbin Blue yes Corbin Blue was cute he was Dernot Blue Corbin Blue

yeah Dernot Blue so was Tisdale High School Musical was good no Tisdale I used to Tisdale was my number one on celebrityfakesbattle.net

really on my BSP what is that I could never I never played it what isP. What is that? What is it? You never played it? I don't know what you're talking about. It sounded like a game. PSP? No, it was just like I had to go on there to watch my porn.

But it was just photos of Photoshop celebrities. My images would load on my PSP top to bottom. Top to bottom. I never made it to a pussy. I was fine with that. I always busted before a pussy. Did I never made it to her pussy. I was fine with that. I never busted before. I always busted before her pussy. But I always wanted.

Did you get to belly button? Never. How long did it take? Long time. We would go into it. I've actually heard about this before. Can't speak for him. I was sitting on the toilet for so long waiting to see her pussy that I got a hemorrhoid.

I got four at once. I had to get them lanced. Yeah. Brother. Every time. We'll cut that out. Don't worry. I would go into the sesh being like, I'm going to make it to pussy this time. A sesh. What is there? There's like a movie or something where I saw that happen.

What'd you get lanced? My hemorrhoids from top to bottom. Is that when like one of them is removed? No, no. You like lance a boil, like you pierce them. Oh, they like, they pop. They put a rubber band around them. I thought, yeah.

Lance Bass comes in and fucks me. I thought you were talking about Lance Armstrong. Yeah. And just fucks you right in the ass. And they all pop. Damn, you were doing the same thing? You were fucking downloading single images of like fake Tisdale? Yours was a different website.

And you were doing what? It was low hand for me, bro. At the time. I'm a little bit older than you, bro. What were you doing? We're not talking about specific people. Wasn't Lindsay Lohan like me, bro. I'm a little bit older than you, bro. What were you doing? We're not talking about specific people. Wasn't Lindsay Lohan the method we used? When you were like 20?

What are you talking about? She's older than me, bro. You're talking parent trap? You're like 15 years older than Lindsay Lohan. Bro, don't disrespect me or Lohan like that, bro. We're both fucking Tauruses and we'll both fuck your life. That was just the fappening. Bro, you have theening. That was like a

huge, giant crime. And then they just gave it like a funny name. Hundreds and thousands of women have had their phones hacked and all their nudes are online. That was like a top news story for like years. And they called it the fappening. No, that's like the website.

I know. And all the celebrity news is just like, wait for now. It was never like, oh, the people in charge of The Fappening are criminals. No one ever cared about crime. Did anybody get caught or go to jail from that?

They should after having to see Berlander's load. I thought it was Martin Shkreli. But it was so much come on. I mean, after having to see Berlander's load. I thought it was Martin Shkreli. But it was so much come on. I mean, it honestly changed everybody that was part of it. It changed how you saw him forever. Hope Solo? Yeah. She got the raw end of the deal.

Hope Solo. Didn't Hope Solo beat the fuck out of her husband? And that's not even the thing that will be in her obituary. It's going to be that she had roast beef in the fappening. Yeah. It's so fuck roast beef nah wait what is the what is the word

it ain't so sass is going to go home and do like one of those jersey burnings if somebody like gets traded or leaves the team he founds out she has like a droopy pussy he'll drop the notes on there hope thank you for everything but you betrayed me

her big ass goalie gloves thrown into the fire my younger cousins like a was like this was a while ago she was like a huge hope solo fan and it was like the news came out that like she was like she like beat the fuck out of her husband and my aunt was like please do not tell her

do not tell her about what she's done and i was like i don't give a fuck i was like i wasn't gonna tell her wow you don't give a fuck sass no women beating up men is cool jesus you've never been beat up yeah wait what is the woke qualm for like people who don't who are like fine with women beating up men what do you mean the woke qualm? What would the woke opinion be about me if I was pro-women beating up their husbands? You would get a lot of pussy off that. But domestic abuse, though. Domestic abuse is domestic abuse.

What kind? No, people don't care as much about that. Am I saying something wrong by saying that? No, it's definitely not as faux pas. What's her name? Emma Roberts? Yeah, she walloped at Evan Peters. Yeah.

And he had to go to the hospital. Yeah. She had a very successful career after that. What about your boy Bloom? You got the t-shirt. No, Johnny Depp. Johnny Depp. Fuck.

What happened to Johnny Depp? You confused your Pirates of the Caribbean. What happened to Johnny Depp? He's Caribbean. Oh, oh. Because Orlando Bloom's Depp? You confused your pirates with the Caribbean. What happened to Johnny Depp? He's Caribbean. Oh, oh. That's like the Caribbean. Because Orlando Bloom's married to Katy Perry.

Yeah, that's right. That's crazy, right? Johnny Depp and his wife. Who does Orlando Bloom have a child with? Oh, someone before that. Yeah. You know, old ass.

Wendy Williams. Wendy Williams. Is she going crazy right now? She lost her final marble, yeah. She lost that last one? Mm-hmm. Wow, what happened? What happened?

There was a video of her getting carted out in a wheelchair. Oh, really? Did I say something wrong? Why did everyone go quiet when I said the thing about- No, Wendy Williams threw a fucking high noon can at fucking Stedman. No. Too far? I took it to the next level?

No, I think that- You're just being paranoid. You're hyper paranoid. You're hyper paranoid. I think that you just have never gotten- If only there was some sort of miracle drug to calm you down. Someone get me my Ativan

from my backpack. I think that if you got struck by a woman that you'd sing a different tune. I don't. You'd hit a high C. Maybe I've been struck.

And it didn't bother you? No, it did. Yeah, exactly. I fucking bet it did, bro. No, I'm kidding. I've never been struck. As a glasses wearer, every time I get hit by a girl,

it's always so much more dramatic because I just fly and i point out i'm like what you did this is this is so i'm squinting at him it's so much funnier because this is based in truth that 100 is do you see what you did and they don't even have to hit me too hard they go soaring across the room and they feel so bad I can do whatever I want as a pearls wearer I feel like I can clutch my pearls so much easier why do women grab their necklaces when they see mice

are the mice about to rob them you're on your hands and he's like that episode of the twilight zone where he breaks his glasses or like the guy when he's about to get his fucking eyeballs taken by the mummy. Yeah. But you're basically trying to set up

a world where fucking women can just beat the shit out of men. I don't know what the hell is going on. I was joking. Now you're making me feel bad. Like am I going to get like a bunch of dudes who have been like hit by their girlfriends in my DMs? You're circumcised and have never been hit. We're on and have been hit.

There's a correlation, I think. Get your dick cut or else your girl's going to hit you in the face. Fuck. Yeah. I remember two of my wrestling teammates. I like to be thrown around a little bit. Two of your wrestling teammates. And this is like actually genuine.

I'm genuinely confused right now. You're gaslighting yourself. Nobody cares. You actually. Nobody gives a fuck. Every time I say something, you guys are like, oh. I don't know what's going on. No, I'm trying to hear about his wrestling teammates.

You are. He gives the king of controversy. You are gaslighting yourself. You are. Wait, why do I sound crazy right now? I'm looking at you weird because you're doing that. All right, move on. As soon as you finish the sentence, you're like, what? Did I say

something wrong? Why is everyone acting so weird right now? Am I being crazy? You're self-immolating. You were like, what do you guys think about women hitting men? And I was like, oh, it's funny or something. And then you guys were all like,

whew. No, no, no. He did not go there. I just took it to like the absolute next level. So you just pushed the envelope. Yeah. Like I thought that was one of those podcasts. Yeah.

Anyways, let's continue. It is funny. It is funny because they're like little hands are so tiny. Just like, what are they going to do? What are they going to do? You can't get a bruise more of a puncture wound. Exactly. And they'll probably bruise from hitting you.

That's the real problem. That's where I'm trying to get into alien level hypotheticals. Now I'm fascinated by this. I'm looking at you like this because I don't know what you're doing to yourself. But it's harmful. I'm not doing anything to myself. Let's continue. What were the two dudes on your hiking team or whatever?

My wrestling team. That's what it was. I thought you were on a hiking team. Oh, okay. Hiking is a hobby. Wrestling is division ones. Yeah, okay. Division one hiking.

It probably is. There's walking at the Olympics. Like what? I mean, it's the same. You get the same medal if you win the walking Olympics and the wrestling Olympics. Yeah, you do. Okay. Who are the best hikers?

We don't know. We'll never know because they're always like. My boy Sash actually has this one. You know the best hiker? My boy Sash knows this one. You know the best hiker? I know one. Oh, the best hiker? My boy Sas knows this one. You know the best hiker? I know one. Oh, fuck.

Have you seen that? Something hams like the dude who climbed all 14 peaks. Yeah. That's a climber. The alpinist. Hikers are just people

who just walk through the woods. Hiking doesn't require elevation. No, you're mistaken. Tell him, Sas. 14 peaks. This is the best h picture. But then the guy from The Alpinist also. The Alpinist and then the fucking dude from...

The guy with the huge eyes from... Oh, no, no, no. This is Zero Dark Peak or whatever. Zero Dark Peak? That's the one where the dude climbs the mountain and he has massive eyes and tells his girlfriend that he doesn't care about her or some shit like that.

Mark Andre Leclerc. That wasn't even close to what you said. his massive eyes and tells his girlfriend that he doesn't care about her or some shit like that. Yeah, Marc-Andre Leclerc. Yeah, yeah. That wasn't even close to what you said. No, that was the other one that I was thinking of. Oh, okay.

But he's a solo. He's a solo climber. He climbs like 90 feet. Is that Free Solo guy? Yes. No, that's not the Free Solo guy. That guy's name is Andrew something. But that's the guy

with the big ass eyes. He looks like a lizard kind of. He's almost like licking his eyes to clean them. Free Solo is what Sass's cousin was wearing on her t-shirt. That guy's name is Alex

Hanald. Don't tell her. Is she still living in a world where she doesn't know? No, she's like a senior in high school now. So she definitely doesn't know. She probably still doesn't know. It's out of the news cycle. You should call her up and just ask her. Break the news right now. Just tell her.

Hope Solo. Hope Solo has done some bad things. Actually do that. Just take her to a door. I don't know her like that. I don't really talk to her like that. It sucks that Hope Solo had the best athlete name ever. I know. And girls were idolizing her.

Yeah. And now they have to go back to Mia Hamm. It's true. Cheryl Swoops was a great athlete name, too. That was a good one. Rebecca Lobo, Lisa Leslie. There was like a time when WNBA players were good just based off their names alone. Yeah.

But there are two boys in high school or your two boys off your fucking the crampon team or whatever. Fucking you guys were spelunking together. What was I saying? Oh, they had. Oh, they were uncircumcised. Oh, okay. Could you see it in the wrestling? We would shower after practice. They wore green man suits and were photographed.

You did. That's what you did. Anyone keep their pants on or their boxers on? What do you mean? In the showers? No, I did that. My first high school lacrosse game. Oh, it was so bad. It poured poor down rain torrential downpour

and everybody was covered in mud and i was too afraid to shower afterwards i was a freshman i like told my i convinced my parents like yeah i'm not even that dirty they knew i was but they just let me sit in the car covered in dirt i don't know why that's like a weird like that like that's supposed to be like a weird thing like you don want to shout. Because I don't want my freshman dick next to senior dick. That's a vastly different dick. I'm defending. That shouldn't be a weird thing. I remember when I was doing swimming lessons

and they'd have us all changing in the locker rooms. I'm like, I'm like 10 years old and there's a grown man next to me. With the locker shop. That just remains naked. That guy didn't even bring close next to me. Dude. Yeah, with the locker shop. That just remains naked. Yeah. That guy didn't even bring close to the Y.

Always. He came in and left naked. Yeah. Naked with a suit. It never, like, when I didn't want to shower with them, it never crossed my mind that this old guy showering was creepy. It was always like, I'm a pussy with a small dick. Yeah.

Yeah. There's nothing weird about him. I'm just a coward, shy pussy. Not even small dick. I just felt like weird about him i'm just a coward yeah not even small dick i just felt like i had a bad body yeah i didn't feel like i had a good body to shower in front of the boys like i was like it was always the stomach i was i wasn't concerned about the dick it was the stomach really yeah always there were people that still would be the cause you can just tell they they were this was the most ecstatic They've ever been They went during shower time

Yes the boys The guys with the normal dicks Dude's name John And they were In all their glory What do you mean normal dicks? Like big They had like

Showers Unroastable dicks Oh Like dude Like in the movies Perfect beautiful dicks And they had the most fun In the shower

In the sports movies What? What was your shower experience? Yeah Getting whipped There was a way I was like I was likable enough To get away with it in the shower. In the sports movies. What was your shower experience? Getting whipped. There was a way. I was like, I was likable enough to get away with it. No, I heard you just used the shampoo

and you worked up a huge lather in front of your dick so you couldn't see it. You made a pube mouth with a fucking shampoo. No, no, no. Because we did the hand soap. That was it. You can lather hand soap. You can work a lather on any type of soap. Hand soap actually might be the most latherable soap.

It's the most latherable. When you shower in public, you always just go right to the dick to scrub it because like touching it, you think it will make it bigger. You don't want to get hard. Yeah. You kind of want to get hard. You want to get chubby. Yes, you do.

Almost yes. In all the sports movies I've ever seen, there's always a shower scene. And they're all hanging out, just like roughing each other up. They'll grab the soap, spray it on each other. Laugh and sing a song. That's gay porn. I'm trying to think of no movies I can think of

off the top. Friday Night Lights. I've never seen that. Miracle. Miracle, yes! There's a soap scene? There's a shower scene.'s no i'm talking about no mvp most valuable primate miracle dude if the primate had the biggest fucking dick in the shower in that movie he's rubbing you don't see the air bud in the showers it's just like a team bonding experience bro but the weirdest thing was after ski team they would make us shower down just like the meetings

how close did you live to a ski mountain what the fuck is ski team after practice their Wednesday free period meetings after ski team after debate team they had a shower at mock trial they had a fucking shower

after their science fair all right hit the showers and you got some fucking baking soda lava on you I was on the ski team though it would just be funny to imagine if you had to shower after that. Wow. Kyle, you've avoided talking about your dick.

Yeah, let's hear about your dick. Did I? Yeah. Talk about your cock. What do you want me to say? I've never had a team shower. I've never been close enough to bond. I never.

I'll be honest. I never did either. Yeah. Roan? I did. I did when I was really young. Huh? Yeah. Roan? I did when I was really young. Huh? Yeah.

I did when I was on a, when I was like doing a swimming practice. And I wasn't even, I just wasn't even a team shower. We just had to change. Yeah. That was the only time I've ever been naked in front of like a group of people. And you could have just faced the other way. It's not like you had to walk through the room. No, you couldn't.

They made you go cock out. You're going to shower, but you have to look at me. Look at me, heavy shower boy. Well, I went to a wrestling camp at St. Paris, Ohio. Team Jordan camp. And it was like sixth to like 10th graders. I was in eighth. And there was public showers.

And I found another guy my age who was like, let's wait till they're done and shower in our boxers because it'd be weird. I'm not trying to be dick. And we did and then like three of the counselors came down to do check. Did he roast you? It was traumatic.

I still remember his name. His name was Case. He's from Texas. I know his full name. Say it. It's not even a boy dad. I still remember his name. His name was Case. He's from Texas. I know his full name. Say it. I don't want anyone... No, drop it. It's time to avoid that. It's not even... He's a pedophile. I don't want to give this guy any flowers.

Because I hate him for how he made me feel. What did he make you feel? Good thing he has an uncommon name like Case. Yeah. They're going to find him in like two seasons. They will. There's one Case in Texas. No, no.

There's 80% of Texas Case. If you want to find him, yeah two cities. There's one case in Texas. There's 80% of Texas. If you want to find him, he won't remember, but he was a counselor at the Team Jordan camp. How did he make you feel? He didn't even say anything. It was the noise he made. I had to look at the other kid in his boxer shower

and there is no emotion that can compare. I was in 8th grade. Summer going into... I was in eighth grade. So 14. All right, so you're young. Summer going into, I was 14, but I wasn't pubescent. I wasn't like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pubed out.

No. No pubes and no like, no big dick. And the kid, we were both like 85 pound eighth graders. Yeah. So we like, we were, we knew what it was. And was it your idea or his idea to go shower? I forget how we asked. Okay. But you figured it out. But you thought it or his idea to go shower? I forget how we asked. But you figured it out.

But you thought it would be less gay to shower one-on-one than with a group of athletes. I think we tried to justify it. That shit's so fucking weird. Let's just wait until the end. I don't want anyone touching my dick. So let's wear boxers. Which, for real, me neither.

What noise did they make? I'm still not grasping. He came down and gasped in a way like you knew he was making fun of you just by the sound that he made gutturally. And what was his make fun of? You guys are showering together? You guys are losers?

No, it wasn't. It was just the fact that we were wearing boxers in the shower, which is kind of weird. You weren't wearing boxers underneath of your singlet, right? No. So you got naked and put dressed boxers to go shower. Alright, let's go change into our shower.

We probably only had a couple boxers for the trip. I feel like I've showered before throwing on a bathing suit. It was weird when all 60 of the kids just did it, and then we went in afterwards. Like, much after. I don't know. I think it's pretty pedophile to say that it's not weird. How did you get away from it? What do you mean?

How did you, like, avoid the count? Did you guys have, like, a lot of time to shower and, like, show or something? Yeah, it was, like, kind of like there was free time that we just waited. I don't... And did he tell people he flamed you guys. Oh, yes. The counselors. He's younger than me.

Yeah. So I was like an eighth grade. Wait, wait, wait. The counselors at this camp were like in seventh grade. The counselor was younger than you. The counselors were younger than me, but they were like really good, like Nash elite wrestler. Oh, no. It was Kgan squire

i just changed the whole kegan squire from wadsworth a grade younger than me he was a counselor i was a camper in this case kid from texas i forget his last name he was a seventh grader i was in eighth grade he was a counselor they were like national youth champs though had you ever seen jared court jared cort was... I was picturing like a college student. Micah... It's a younger guy. I'll tell you, Micah Jordan,

he was three grades younger than me. Michael Jordan? Micah. Counselor. It was Team Jordan. He was like... Were you the oldest kid at the camp?

It was... No, there was like two ninth graders and then a good bit of eighth graders, but the counselors were younger than me and they come down and made it fucking worse have you ever seen their dick and they they wouldn't wrestle me live because they were counselors and i was like let me just

i could hang with you guys and that would make you like me more but no that's fucked oh man dude i have a like i that was a wrestling camp yeah in say in like the cornfields of ohio yeah i went to a i went to a golf camp when i was in eighth grade and on the the first day we went out golfing and he was like tryouts to like put us into groups of our skill level and there was a wooden fan there was a wooden bridge like just like a like a one of those one that's like a little just a little slant it's a short bridge just to get over a little monet bridge yeah french get over a little marsh or whatever it was i don't know and i slipped while going across the bridge because it was wet and like i like dislocated something in my leg or like something broke i don't know what it was something broke. I couldn't walk the entire

time I was at camp. Then I got food poisoning the next morning. I'm basically unable to move and I literally shit my pants at camp. In 8th grade? I was just thinking of a camp experience, but it was

crazy. That's badly embarrassing. Shitting your pants as a child. And there was one bathroom. As a child. One bathroom with one stall for the entire camp of boys. It's all dudes. There was a couple girls.

And there was a couple girls, but they had like a separate bathroom, separate rooms. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it was on like a college campus. And I was going like explosive shits in the one bathroom while people are there's a line out the door traumatizing experience with a broken leg with a broken leg one morning i want one night in the middle and i woke up don't remember anything all i remember is waking up while running down the hallway to the bathroom with a broken leg broken leg you were already running so i was like i was already running when i woke up. I think you can get woken up with your body

telling you you have to shit. I was running and that was the time that I shit my pants because I started shitting before I made it to the bathroom. I had that for the first time but it's terrifying. Insane. Food poisoning? No, waking up with the immediate... I was shitting already

when I was like awake running and I took the underwear and I just threw them in the trash can of the of the bathroom and it was like 3am did you shit your leg too?

no just in my underwear oh so it was tighter tighter tidy shit and I ran back to my room naked what was it a dry log?

no it was not dry no chance it was a dry log you shit your leg you don't shit your pants in a dry log well then, it was not dry. No chance it was a dry log. You don't shit your pants in a dry log. Well, then you shit your leg. Shitting your pants with a dry log is funny. It is funny. Not a huge deal.

I'll just shake it down my pant leg. Shitting your pants is funny because you wish you could tell yourself at the moment, I'm going to look back on this. It's going to be hilarious. I got kicked in the stomach at Kung Fu and immediately shit my pants. I pretended like I hurt myself. You took Kung Fu?

Yeah, I took Kung Fu for like a day. Why not just like any other type of karate? It was the only one we had. Kung Fu? Kung Fu is like fake movie karate. Kung Fu is Sensei Ramsey. Yeah, why didn't you take like Jiu Jitsu? Didn't have it or like it was above a laundromat aikido my aikido that's where every single karate place is above a

laundromat really yeah ours was mine was above a laundromat there's a laundromat within within one foot of every single of every single martial arts the only camp i ever went to my mom sent me to uh to uh fuck claym camp. Stop motion claymation. No, she did not. Yeah, at the Stifle Fine Arts Center. Okay, I believe it now. Yeah. They definitely made me shower.

They definitely made me shower. I was covered in clay. I was the only kid. Nobody else signed up. But there were other camps going on at the same time. And they were so pissed. I did like the drawing one at Stifle. Dude, that shit would piss me off so much.

What? When you would get to a camp and you'd be the youngest one there. I was the only one there. He was the only one. Dude, that shit would piss me off so much. What? When you would get to a camp and you'd be the youngest one there. I was the only one there. He was the only one. You ever remember going to a camp like your mom would send you, like my mom would sign me up for like a class or something and I would show up and be like the youngest kid there. That feels like something that could only happen once.

No, it would happen. And then you ate every single, it would happen to Sass every time. I would be getting older, the age groups. He's still the youngest. Look at him at bar school. No one's ever been younger than you. I seriously have never met anybody that's been younger than you. Robbie Fox. Wasn't he like 19 when he got hired? Yeah, but when you were what?

How old is Robbie Fox now? We were all younger than you once. He got just as older as you did. I know, but how old is he now? I'm just trying to figure out. 23. He's three years older than me. Two years older than me. Three.

You're the youngest dude here. I'm about to turn 21. I can't wait till we get someone younger than you. Not ever going to happen. You don't think? No. I think it is going to happen. I'm taking this company to the ground with me.

I want to be the youngest person here. Yeah, that's it. Ever. Barstool, Ang. Dude, I was telling- Ang. Oh, yeah. How old is she?

No, she can't be. 17. 17? Oh, no. She's 21 Ange. Dude, I was telling... Ange. Oh, yeah. How old is she? No, she can't be. 17. 17? Oh, no, she's 21. Yeah. Older. Oh, shit. Dude, I was telling these dudes earlier, I was trying to get a... I was trying to take a cold shower this morning. Yeah. Mistake. To get, like,

fucking Rogan or whatever. Yeah. And I almost died. It almost took me... I got such a bad headache that I had to, like, crawl out of the shower onto my bathroom floor. And I tried to set a timer for two minutes and I made it 120 or no, a minute, 20 seconds. And I had to crawl out of the bathroom. Did you like plan on doing your cleaning routine or was this just an endurance challenge? It was like I heard that I have a friend that's like just skinny and lean as fuck.

Just go piss. I'll be right that's just skinny and lean as fuck. I gotta piss. Just go piss. Alright, I'll be right back. Just keep talking. Alright. I'm gonna piss my pants. I've been had to pee the entire time. Is that okay?

Are you fucking kidding me? This is the third time you've pissed since we sat down. This is the first time. No. It's the third. We've been recording everything. Dude. We could see that you've pissed since we sat down. This is the first time. No. It's the third. We've been recording everything. Dude. We could see that you've pissed more than once.

It's the third time. How are you just going to lie to us? As soon as we sat down, you pissed. Between the shows, you pissed. And then in the middle of this show, you've pissed. But those are both. The first two times are before we started recording. They have all been the first time.

And now I'm going for the old. Every time Sass pisses is the first time. Dude. Why don't you go to Spatial 40 and talk to me? I mean, I already told you guys this story. Yeah, you did. You were telling it to him. I'm basically just telling it for him.

Let's just make him really nervous. Yeah, I think we could. He keeps freaking out for no reason. I know. At the end of the episode, I think we could. He keeps freaking out for no reason. I know. What can we say? At the end of the episode, ask if we should cut the women. The women thing? You are going to have to censor me saying retard twice now.

No, I don't think you are. Twice as of now, yeah. No, because that was a quote of somebody saying that to you. Yeah, it wasn't true. Made up story. Let's pretend we're not recording and freak Sass out. How do we Sass him out? Like he took something? Or like he's done something that's bad?

He'll be a little bit further away from the mic. You don't even have to say anything. You just have to look at him weird and be like, fuck. Let's wait and let's start and get back into the conversation and then just kind of give him a little weird silence. Look at him weird. But not too obvious. I want to do like the Pepsi and Coke challenge with Sass, but like give him a little weird silence. Look at him weird. But not too obvious.

I want to do like the Pepsi and Coke challenge with Sass. But like give him like the same two pieces of like fucking pepperoni from the same stick. And one of those pieces will be the best he's ever had. Two brown M&M's. And one will be the worst. Where the fuck did you guys get this? This is fucking disgusting. Yeah, what is some shit that we can make him think

Is disgusting that's just completely normal Or something that's delicious And it's completely normal The same thing Yeah he easily could get got He's a supple mind But I also I mean it's gonna get better right?

Yeah if anybody who clowns sass Their soul is dirt ugly Dirt ugly is good It's going to get better, right? Yeah, if anybody who clowns Sass, their soul is dirt ugly. Dirt ugly is good. Fucking just, I mean, he just, I want to grow him. I want to water him, and I want to fertilize him, and I want him to grow. If Sass is ever attacked, I'm on the front lines. Yes.

Send me in first. But also, I would like to be the first one attacking him, too. Yeah, I'd do both. On a different... Yeah, like, unless I'm the one attacking him, I'll be on the front lines defending him. For sure, but then I might hit him with a Blitzkrieg. Yes. What's up, brother? We good. I'll put a pin in the

convo. Just until you got back. That's... That's fine, right? Just give a clap when day you sit down. Let's start back up again. Where are we going to pick up from? Do you think? Okay.

No, we're good. Three, two, one. It's about like the retconning things. Three, two. Yep. Clap. Are we good

yeah I think yeah I had to pee you boys are crazy just yeah yeah

let's go let's go let's do it let's do it let's do it when I was in the bathroom I was thinking that the KB story about the bathroom was the hardest I've ever laughed on this show.

Sith case. It was. By a lot. That was the funniest story I've heard in a long time. I thought that's when you see a nuggeted backpack. No, not on this show. I'm in bad company on this show. This was far funnier.

Yeah, dude. The twist of finding out the kid was younger. What are you boys doing in there? But he was literally meeting boys. How do you get humiliated by someone who's younger than you? He was the same age, I think, but they both got held back because they were really good wrestlers. It's an old wrestling trick. I guess getting caught by someone the same age as you was with your boxers on showering could be worse.

No, at least adults understand. This kid has the same size dick as Kyle and was just in the showers with all the boys. He's a little bit younger dick. What if he pulled out his dick and he was a dad dick? What, you're nervous about seeing this? Pull out your fucking dicks! What a miserable camp that was. Another child

demanding you. Let me see them! I feel like building a shower is already so expensive that you couldn't just build partitions. That building doesn't exist anymore. Partitions are the cheapest part of the shower.

That's what I mean. That's the last thing that would be very cheap. Shower curtains? Yeah.itions are the cheapest part of the shower. That's what I mean. That's the last thing that would be very cheap. Shower curtains? Yeah. They're like the cheapest and fucking most flimsy. Shower curtains. I said the T. I said the T. Roan was just in Downton Abbey for a

second. Shower curtains. Shower curtains are the cheapest. There's nothing cheaper than shower curtains shower curtains are the cheapest there's nothing cheaper than shower curtains you got some fucking set of balls little sass butt I'll put your whole

shit on blast brother brother it's gonna be the episode that takes us to the next fucking level what is the next level I don't know maybe we should just all start recording and get...

Never mind. Us three get real drunk. Yeah, you guys get real drunk. And you just have to piss a lot for some reason. KB's not getting drunk. No, this is... I am, yes. And this is so bad.

Why didn't you touch your 40, bro? Hardly touched your 40. He's on account. I don't count it. Everyone was like, dude, these kids these days, they don't know what it was like to have Four Loko with caffeine. why didn't you touch your 40 bro hardly touch your 40 he's on account everyone everyone was like dude these kids these days i don't they don't know what it was like to have four local with caffeine like they don't remember the caffeinated four locos caffeinated four locos were banned before i was even in high school yeah but kids are like doing coke caffeine is

readily available yeah you just do it what was it i mean i don't know what it was i just know people would say like you'd wake up in the morning your like heart would be like pounding out of your chest no no no what was so crazy about it nothing it was just they were they were 17 they're gatekeeping yeah yeah that and juice do you remember juice j-o-o-s-e this is the guido version of four yeah i don't remember that i was always sipping the first time i ever got drunk, I was off of Four Loko. And I had like three sips of it and I was hammered. First time I ever got drunk was at a,

I didn't drink in high school ever. Freshman year, college frat part, not frat, but party. And there was like a live DJ. It felt like a movie. I brought my boy Jeremy

who was not in college. He's a coal miner now. He's black too, which is cool. Good to know. That's fire. That is an important's black too, which is cool. Good to know. That's fire. That is an important part. Call him J. Cole.

He went upstairs. I was just on my third beer. I was like, my toes are starting to tingle. I think I'm getting a buzz. Then he just clogged the toilet and we had to leave the party. Shut up. Coal miners have the biggest shits. They do.

The first time I ever got drunk, I was upstairs in my friend's, he had like a finished attic area and we were hanging out up there and we like locked the door and my buddy brought an 18 pack of beers and it was for four of us. Oh.

And we, my, like one of my best friends, Nate, moved to Maine freshman year of high school. So we drove up toine and we had like one of our parents drive us up and he put every single individual beer in a sock so that it wouldn't so

that they wouldn't around in the car and then we got we got there and he like on revealed them and there's like a thousand there's 18 socks in there filled with beers and we emptied them all out and we all had like two beers. And I remember we were running. Who is the anime character that does the run? Naruto. Naruto, I don't know. We were doing the Naruto. I think.

You know who the fuck is Naruto. I think it's Naruto, right? I don't even know what that is. Naruto. I think it was the Naruto. I think it was the Naruto. We were doing the Naruto run up and up, back and forth in the attic.

We were like buzzed. And we were like, bro, I feel like I'm fucking flying right now. You just run around like. Did you reference that it was the Naruto run up and up, back and forth in the attic. We were like buzzed and we were like, bro, I feel like I'm fucking flying right now. You just run around like, did you reference that it was the Naruto run? No, we were just doing that. And then, and then like, I wasn't actually drunk. And then like junior year of high school was the first time I actually got drunk. I never pretended to be drunk, but I always pretended to be hung over at school the next morning.

Oh yeah. Yeah. I remember. Yeah. Yeah. I remember there was we my dick hurts I was

for what oh wait did my mic just go out no no no it didn't bro you're golden bro um

I remember I you're fucking golden bro it definitely did I promise it's working it has to be exhausting I can't hear the audio's coming off

it's the fucking headphones okay um mmm I remember wait wait wait it has to be exhausting i can't hear the audio it's the fucking headphones okay um i remember wait wait wait i remember we got i remember i got drunk this was the after the first time i got drunk it was like junior year and i remember it was like a friday night and that monday morning i went in i was like bro i am still hungover and i was like i was convinced that i actually was i was convinced that i was i was like dude like i like my i my stomach has not felt right since friday

just going up to everyone that was there yeah bro what happened on friday do you feel all right i don't dude i almost went to the hospital last night get my stomach pumped you think uh you think that's why your dad was having heart attacks what the hell does that mean didn't he have a double bypass yeah why because you're fucking stressing out drinking because you're stressing him out no he had a heart attack he had a heart attack because he was in a bag of toast i've never heard that voice in my life no now he's in downtown abby bro my dad was eating a bag of Tostitos. I've never heard that voice in my life. No. Now he's in downtown Abbey, bro. My dad was eating a family-sized bag of Tostitos every night.

And that's how just too much salt? Literally. Legitimately. So just too much sodium? That's a lot of sodium. Yeah. Was he dipping? No.

Just Tostitos? Oh, no. Yeah. Salsa. Okay. That's what you mean, like dip. No, no. No, my dad didn't do that.

He wasn't into that shit. It's actually weird because he's in really good shape and he always was and then he just had a heart attack. That's Tostitos. Tostitos will do that to you. Nick's dad's in really good shape too. Presenting sponsor, pardon my take. Really? Are they actually? Shout out to that.

Cut that. They're so good it'll kill your dad. No, my dad's actually doing well now. Is he still missing the chips? Yeah, he definitely has to cut back on his chips. He's on the salt-free pretzels now. Oh, boring. And hummus.

He might as well kill himself, dude. If I lost the one thing that I loved that was easily accessible. He used to be a big boy, and then he lost a lot of weight. And then he that's when the heart problems kicked in for some reason. Can we bring up the response tweet you got to the when you posted your high school experience was like euphoria? Yeah, I'll pull it up. I only saw the original tweet where you just posted a picture of yourself sitting on the dock. A little chubbier than you are now, but he's the same exact weight he is now but much shorter

yeah i tweeted my high school experience was just like euphoria with a picture of me from high school or maybe eighth grade and then the the comment was i mean i get the joke but it kind of sucks because mine was really like that now most of my friend group from high school is dead and i fucking miss them jesus and i want you to respond with the same exact picture. Just say sorry. I was like, damn. Who would tweet? No, your friend group.

You're schizophrenic and your friend group was you. Yeah. Your friend group did not exist. It did. And maybe they're over their schizophrenia now. And their friends are dead. Hopefully. Yeah, hopefully that's the.

But there's no fucking way that anyone's tweeting like that. Because even if you were, there's no way you're lamenting it. You're probably taking pride in it. If that's how you really lived in high school. I don't lament enough. I've never seen you lament. I wish my high school was like that. I'd probably be way funnier now.

Look at him lamenting. My boy just lamented live. Imagine how much funnier I would be if my high school experience was like doing heroin and shit. I know. It's crazy that you're this funny and nothing's ever happened to you. I know. Yeah, you've had a good life.

Everything only good has happened to you. You ever piss to your parents for that? Yeah. Only good shit has happened to you. You keep on trying to give your dad more Tostitos? Yeah. Come on, old man. Just one chip

one scoop dad one scoop you love you love a little hint of lime you gotta try I got your picante you love

restaurant style alright should we wrap it up yeah let's get the fuck out of here I have to actually go are we taking out the

what do you have to do tostitos oh no the the part about hitting the my dad is fucking staying in my apartment. How about the him...

But aren't we taking out like 20 minutes? Should we take out the part where he's talking about it? Yeah, probably. I don't really want to be... Or just legitimately. Very clever. All right. Thank you guys for listening.

We'll see you guys next week. Peace. Seriously, though, let's at least take that part out. It'll still be like 45 minutes, but let's not talk about hitting girls or whatever.