Son of a Boy Dad - Son of a Boy Dad: Ep. 39 - Lost Boy

Episode Date: January 18, 2022

-- Son of a Boy Dad: Ep. 39 - Lost Boy -- Rone guides Sas through a likely quarter-life crisis with a little advice and a lot of laughter -- Full episodes also available on YouTube -- Thanks for listening/watching!You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, Son of a Boy Dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. What is up, everybody? Welcome back to Son of a Boy Dad podcast. Today is January 17th. It is Martin Luther King Day. It is 424 p.m. and we are live in the studio.

Martin Luther King would have loved Son of a Boy Dad. He would have. We have an insatiable appetite for social justice in the same way that MLK did. We do. I fucking love social justice. I don't know about you. I'm iffy about it.

Like I'll march, but I won't really believe in what I'm marching about i'll post the black square doesn't mean i mean it i'll go to a march as a medic with a big ass gun but like i won't believe in what the fuck they're talking about now i might take some people's lives did you guys bang pots and pans when for martin luther king nurses oh uh honestly like i resisted for so long because i saw it for what it was a completely performative act that is just like for your neighbors like people went out on their balconies and clapped during the early pandemic yeah and there's no hospital that's by me and no fucking doctors and nurses fucking live by me people are just going outside to be like i

and they weren't home they were working yeah like what even if they were there like they're not fucking at five o'clock every day you think that the fucking nurses are like walking out after like a nine to five shift and like covid's over for the next however many hours did you ever bang the pots and pans though but after a while i started to bang them damn i wish i was there for that for that part of new york yeah it was crazy and by the time we got outside, all of our neighbors fucking hated us. They're like, you fucking scumbag, low-life pieces of shit.

They'd been fucking cheering for the first responders for the first three months or whatever. They fucking were pissed. It gave people good moral high ground. Neighbors are the worst, though. There's no such thing as good neighbors. Dude, a couple days ago, I think it was Saturday, Saturday night,

I was home alone, and I, I think it was Saturday, Saturday night, I was home alone. And I swear I was laying in bed and I swear I heard someone yell like, Lil Sass. And I was like, no, I'm just like hearing shit. And then all of a sudden I hear again outside of my apartment. They're like, Lil Sass, come out, come out wherever you are. And I was like, what the fuck? And he was just like one of our neighbors. And he just knew that you lived around there i don't know i think i figured out who it was my phone wasn't on but i was getting texts from people who live in our building telling us like

come to their party oh yeah so it must have been that but that's still weird do you know them it's still weird especially if they're not going to call you by your government i've never even seen we've never met them or i haven't like i know owen knows one of them damn yeah that's super weird that's some like uh 80s like relationship type of shit yeah i locked the door but boombox yeah someone comes with a boombox and throws pebbles at the window or like climbs into your room with a fucking ladder yeah so you can so you can fuck that is a little bit uh it's a little bit close to home yeah it was weird my immediate reaction was that it was like one of the yak fans because like we like accidentally doxxed ourselves a while ago uh-huh so i was like it's someone's like here

come out and play yeah someone just coming to beat your ass yeah i i also uh like fear uh like doxxing myself but then i'm like wait no one gives a fuck where i live yeah that's what i thought and then that was the first time i like had any regret about it yeah but wasn't there in like hollywood aren't there like hollywood tours of like celebrities houses i mean a lot of celebrities houses you can just google and it comes up or there's tiktoks too where it's like this famous building is where kate hudson lives or some shit i know there was like that whole shit a while ago with like j Paul, like had his address was a public address. And it was like the team 10 house.

And like there would just be like mobs of like 10 year old kids outside the house 24 seven, like with their parents, like waiting for Jake Paul. That's bad parenting. Yeah. Big time. We're going to go bring you to this person's house. Yeah. We're just gonna harass this dude at home but no no like i don't think jake like i think they loved it jake paul

did yeah do you think what do you think that uh because like early on his sway house i feel like marty mush was just going and like standing outside his way house and just being like yeah it's all public like it's all like dude those people's lives must be miserable you think so yeah i think it's exactly what they want i think it probably is too but i don't think i think they're like forcing themselves to want that yeah you don't know it'd be miserable for you not them maybe a different different breed thongs throngs of people uh chanting your name you don't think that would be nice no i kind of feel like that's what you're building towards. No. Sasquatch.

I'm going to disappear. Sasquatch. I think I'm going to disappear within the next year or so. Yeah, fucking right, dude. Where are you going to go? Fall off the face of the earth. To your room? Yeah.

You're just going to go to your room? Yeah. There's no way you fall off the face of the universe. But what's spawning those feelings? I don't know. They just are coming. those feelings i don't know just they just are coming you're just fucking dis dis uh enfranchised with like the whole the all of fame the trappings of fame yeah really this notoriety is killing me hollywood's not what you thought it was huh bro not quite damn now what did you think it was

gonna be sunshine and rainbows i mean the steak dinners are nice but yeah yeah going out with like uh just like a table full of all equally famous people and like exchanging ideas yeah that's just not happening ideas are always better than theirs it's honestly comes with like i think i'm just too good for the world i know this world is isn't is like so lucky to have you that you need to remove yourself from it just to kind of balance things out yeah she's been out of whack since you got famous bro i know i'm like batman i'm not the hero this this world deserves you're not the hero this world deserves but not the one it needs right now and you're definitely not going to live long

enough to see yourself be the villain there's zero percent chance you see yourself become the villain ever as soon as there's one sass might miss sometimes comment on the internet gone now i don't really know i i like doing the podcast but i'm just like i think i'm just like burnt out right now it's the fucking time of year i really think it is i just don't have like a drive to like do social media yeah i feel that too we need a new one really is what it was yeah last couple years like tiktok came out it's like oh something new yeah because it's like a tiktok it's like you can post just dumb shit and have it do well but it doesn't mean anything damn you are you're fucking going through it jesus christ i want to like do something like big meaningful yeah how about a fucking walkout bro

no not like that like i want to still do like creative stuff but you want it to be big yeah like i want to write something like a book or like a i feel like i said that in like work week one of fucking son of a boy dad i was like let's let's build something that can like sustain us for a long period of time or like work on something where we have to see through the vision. Yeah, I would like to do something that would take five years to do. Five years? No, seriously. I would like-

You mean about four, like college? Yeah, college, maybe college. Yeah, no, I would rather work on something that would take a long ass time to do and have it be really good than just do small shit all the time. I feel that. Let's take a screenwriting course no bro why why no so you just want to write a certain class bro huh none of the greats do that some of the greats went to class brad pitt went to missouri bro brad pitt's hot so that changes everything big cat took a class at second city yeah he said it made him less funny. He took an improv class.

He did? Yeah. Damn, dude. I linked up with some of my... I mean, that's in Chicago. That's supposed to be the mecca for improv. Yeah, I mean, it was. I don't really think... I think it still is.

Yeah, what, 20 years ago? No, I think it still is, but just nobody's on improv anymore. I mean, it's a good... I think, doesn't SNl hire mostly like improv people now they just hire fucking twitter heads yeah just people who crank twitter yeah not me you saw that tweet this week that was like i pray for one week snl writers just stay off twitter and write the show just don't go on twitter and fucking write the show well because they just

consistently steal shit and uh yeah it's just like yeah yeah i mean i don't even watch i just see the low lights it's almost like reverse like yeah i just saw that like elmo shit from this week shit's fucking corny bro almost for fucking kids bro yeah i mean it just like wasn't it was just the same fucking thing as the actual elmo video yeah yeah it's tough but maybe we just need to stop uh holding them to that standard just knowing that it's not for us like the same people some people just love to complain about shit over and over again yeah i don't really give a fuck about like what snl like if it's funny or not like there's i think they have funny sketches still here and there how can we get the

most money though where's the fucking money at i think lin-manuel miranda was on to something you just make really shitty stuff and people lap it up, dude. But that's basically what you want to do. No, I don't want to make shitty stuff. I'm saying that's what people do now. But people think that Hamilton's good stuff. Yeah. But all anyone does is TikTok and post a thousand videos a day.

And then you have your four months of relevancy and then you fall off the face of the earth you guys just have a shitty sitcom because that's so much writing too that's so much fucking preparation she needs to get sold yeah but i would like like i want to do something that has a bunch of preparation okay i'm down to do something busy yeah do you like collaborating yeah are. Are you sure? I think. I don't think you do either. I want to write a book at some point in my life. I decided that as well.

Because a book is something you just do on your own. Yeah. It's going to be a heater. Is it going to be like my life? A memoir? A memoir. Just what you did? Yeah.

You should just keep a diary and just be like, this is my year. like my 21st year that would be some shit bro i think if you if you wrote a diary and just wrote every day for a year and then put it out at the end of the year that shit would fucking play yeah but i don't know if i have too many i don't think i have enough exciting shit happening like i'd have to make it like a sick ass year but i think that would motivate you yeah and then I would like post it and I would get like one merch bonus from Barstool sorry

I was gonna check for a thousand dollars they like bind it with like some fucking spit and like fucking silly string and fucking pass it out just a flimsy pamphlet that all comes apart as soon as you hold it up this is my life's work. It just dissolved

when human beings touch it. You just push right through it. Come down to Philly this weekend and we'll give you some life experience. Come to my boy Mike's birthday. Yeah, I'll do that. I really do want to travel more. Come to Vegas. So why didn't you come this weekend? Yeah, you didn't come this past weekend.

That was different circumstances. Also, I've been to been to philly well you're about to go to philly again we'll see you're a philly guy and you just said you would what do you mean we'll see yeah i'll go to philly i want life experiences but only the certain life experiences that i want not the ones that are offered or presented to me pretty much no also you don't see the city the first time you see it i've seen i've been there twice yeah you need the second time third and fourth time are the ones and this third time i mean no i've had a i've had a really fun time every time i've gone to philly so why not just i mean it's just the easy it's like going to a neighborhood of new york it's just easy it's close and i'm going through a phase where i don't like having fun anymore i just like to lock myself in my room

i can tell you need some fucking vitamin sun i know i play a lot of video games and read you need to bleach your asshole with the sun or whatever yeah you know how people say sunning your asshole is supposed to be good for you makes sense dude i'm saying let's go on some hikes i'll be i'll be the camera person you won't even have to collaborate with somebody dude i don't like yeah i'll do that it doesn't seem like you will it doesn't seem like you'll do anything i don't know what i'll do that it doesn't seem like you will it doesn't seem like you'll do anything i don't know what i want to do i feel that though i feel that i understand that i feel lost you said to me like two days ago it was the happiest you felt in a while

yeah you were saying that i must be the opposite i don't know when i said that it's that seasonal shit no i'm not like depressed is it because the eagles lost because football season's over no more birds no more nittany lions i'm not like depressed is it because the eagles lost because football season's over no more birds no more nittany lions i'm not like depressed i mean i am but i'm not like i'm not like doing bad i'm fine you're just garden variety depression i just like don't know what i want to do with my life i feel that like i don't want to do social media for my entire life i feel that don't respect it it's lowest common denominator poor people are very successful at it yeah exactly you know what i mean people who you know are fucking broke yeah have millions of followers yeah and then you see the inside of their house through their social media and it's not a desirable

thing well then it's like then i see this fucking kid that's just like living in a prop home in new york that's like small and he's probably making like a million dollars a year wait what do you mean a prop home people tag me in that saying it looks like you yeah you know the kid that's like small and he's probably making like a million dollars a year. Wait, what do you mean a prop home? People tag me in that saying it looks like you. Yeah, you know the kid that's living in the smallest apartment in New York? We talked about him. Did we talk about him on the last episode? Is the guy in Harlem who all of New York were?

Oh yeah, no. It's this kid. He lives in like a tiny ass apartment. Tiny ass apartment. It's like a normal size New York apartment. Yeah, it's like a nice studio. Yeah, and he it's like a normal size new york apartment yeah it's like a nice studio yeah and and he uh he's like posting like oh what best places like this is the best place to get like cheap food and he's going to like a fucking market like on the side of the street and it's like his videos are getting like 10 million likes per video it's like dude you're making like a fuck ton of money it's just poverty porn porn. Yeah. It's just people pretending to be poor.

He's cosplaying as a poor person. Yeah. It's pretty fucking. He probably makes like three to four K a week on TikTok. Yeah. And it's like, it's like, that's like, like, and like, I'll never reach that level of success with social media, which I don't care about. But he's like the dudes who like are in the subway, like panhandling.

And then like three of their cell phones go off simultaneously or whatever. Yeah. Or like the guys who like are on the side of the road with a sign and then they go back into their Mercedes. Yeah. Like nothing plays. Actually, the only thing that plays as well as being poor is being depressed,

like being sad. And that's maybe something you should lean into. Like maybe you should stop being like, it is garden variety depression. You should be like, this is fucking crippling. Like, am I done depression? Because then everybody kind of has to treat everything that every like uh

mental cry for help that you have as the real deal and then they'll be like oh sass take some time off like go down to florida have some time you can't make fun of sass yeah that kind of thing i don't want i don't want that at all why that sounds brutal why i don't know it just does i mean it's the fucking money's right. The money would be right. But also I'm like, let's join a blue man group where we're all just blue as hell. We're just depressed, singing the blues.

Just three dudes wearing all black up on stage, just fucking sad and fucking grousing about their life. Just morose ass dudes. Instead of the real blue man group, which is a fucking children's show, but it's pretty fire. You see there's like hundreds of them? Yeah, they're all over the place.

Yeah, there's a lot of Blue Men. And they all like... It's a corporation now. They like use like fly swatters on like pipes, and they play like sweet-ass like... It looks... Have you ever been? Yeah, it's fucking awesome.

Dude, I think Zac Brown does that too. I got a theory. Zac Brown band? I think there's 50 of them, yeah. Really? Who's Zac Brown? You know I like my chicken fried. A cold beer on a Friday night.

That dude. Musician. Yes, yes. An artist. Country music. Fellow artist. Why don't you make some music? No, that's not, that's definitely not for me. Because of the judgment? No, I just like don't, I'm not passionate about that. What are you passionate about? Writing. Bro, I want to write something. Big. Okay, write something. I'm not passionate about that. What are you passionate about? Writing, bro.

I want to write something big. Okay, write something. I know, but it's hard. Have you ever edited your own writing? Yeah. Well, that's also the thing. I'm not good at writing. Yeah.

There's that. But you have a voice, at least. I feel like the only thing that's important is having perspective. Or that's so much more important than being a good writer, is just having a specific perspective. Yeah. And that's where I fail. I can write, have i don't know what i think about anything i have no idea what i think i'll go whichever way the fucking wind blows bro maybe we should collab on a book we'll just go like paragraph for paragraph oh uh just popcorn it yeah like you write until the

fucking wheels come off and then it'll be like and then and just nothing will have to do with like the for the next bit like none of the paragraphs will line up at all. It could be fire. Just do every other word. That would be sick. Do you want to try it? No. Do a sentence right now.

Go. Bro, we should sell it. Who can we get to sponsor the book? That's the thing. You're talking about Barstool Sports? Yeah. Or like a series where we write a book, but like we write a book about like Puerto Rico. No, I was kidding.

But we have to go to Puerto Rico was my point. That would be sick. That's what I mean. Yeah, that's what I want. That's what your boy S. Thompson did. I know. The Rum Diaries. Isn't that in Puerto Rico?

Or is that Cuba? Yeah, Puerto Rico. Puerto Rico? I never read it. You got to, bro. I'm reading Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas right now and it's fantastic.

Oh, really? What part are you at? Good ass book. I just started part two. Which, what are they talking about? He's going back to Vegas. Oh, fuck.

He was fleeing Vegas and now he's going back for the drug and narcotics convention. Welcome to the good life, brother. Yeah, that, dude. I'm activated. I'm back to Vegas. That's what that dude i'm activated i'm back to vegas that's what that shit that song is about fucking hunter s thompson and his attorney

yeah that uh that ending of that chapter was fucking hysterical spoil it no shit came out like 69 did you know he killed himself yeah bomber i think it was kind of on his own terms yeah it was i think he was gonna die i think it was kind of on his own terms. Yeah, it was. I think he was going to die. I think it was the most... And he got into politics late in his life, too. He was like a representative in Colorado or some shit like that. I don't know.

I don't like hearing about that shit. It ruins it for me. What, people getting into politics? Yeah. No, I think he did it on his own terms. I think you should read about how he got into it. I think he's probably why so much of Coloradoado's fucked up right now that would be awesome it's just people following in his footsteps and fucking trying to blow their brains out at a certain age i don't think he wanted to get old i

think he's one of those he died like 67 i think yeah i think he just didn't wasn't interested in getting old and i think some people are like that no i think he said there was a woman in his town who just jumped off her like two-story roof at 86. In his town? Yeah. Damn. That's not high enough. No, not at all.

Yeah, but for an 86-year-old, it is. Yeah, you can just go from five feet. You can just fall over. Yeah, she was Wile E. Coyote. She was just immediately... She was just a bag. ...turning to Pompeii. A bag of skin.

That would be incredible if that's how you could just go out. I know. And just shoveled her off the street. No, but I'm trying to go until the fucking wheels fall off. But the lady who lived the longest, I think she might have smoked until super late in her life. Like cigarettes? I think so. And she used to always say that the only crease, she said she had no wrinkles.

She said the only crease on her was the one that she sat on, which is a badass line for a fucking old lady. Wish I could say the same. I got these crow's feet like Bo Peep, bro. I got the fucking... You'll get them too if you keep on smiling, bro. That's why I don't smile anymore, man. I'm gonna get wrinkles. You smile with your eyes too hard.

I'm already balding. Gonna be fucking bald by 23 You're not anymore though I don't think you have a receding hairline at all Just can't fucking take this shit Fucking dude the notoriety is eating me alive You wanna write fiction or non-fiction? Little bit of both

Do you know what non-fiction is? Yeah real So is Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas Is that fiction or non-fiction? I'm assuming it's fiction you think so or fictionized at least like a little fiction i don't know based on true events i think that he also wrote uh why are you trying to fucking quiz me right now oh i'm trying to figure it out myself i'm dumb you think i'm stupid i think that we just got cut you were

gonna be in the book you just got cut please bro don't fucking cut me from the book bro fear and loathing in new york or something shit or some shit like that that would be a fucking heater fear and loathing from new york to philadelphia and you just write a little short story also like how sick would it be like to make a book and like only like a couple people buy it and like you don't have to hear any like negative shit about it and then you can be like yeah i wrote this book it was like awesome but i think that's what like fake intellectuals used to do and nobody like ever read them like they'd have a box boxes of their book like i think everybody used to write a book i think it used to be like as common as like publishing like your tweets or whatever yeah people just crank out a book get it published

a surprising amount of people do have books like if you look up like a lot of famous people like most of them have a book dude my grandmom has a book my dad fucking has a book like fucking everybody's got fucking books you could have a book i think a book is attainable caravans has like five books i think caravans wrote a book when he was like 15 chef donnie has a book is he work he's working on another book right and caleb has a book does he really yeah like, he doesn't. Like a Barstool book. I think he put out two books. There's a few. One of the books was like everything I Know About Losing by Bill Belichick.

And you just crack it open and it's just an empty book. The whole book's just empty. So that one thing you thought that might make you different? Yeah, that's tough, bro. It's going to be tough for you to be different, bro. I don't care about being to be different bro i don't care about being bro i don't care about you gotta get a law passed or something dude i gotta do something different you gotta get a day yeah i just go through phases like you just said i don't care about being different and then your next sentence was i gotta do something different bro dude i think i'm just having like a fucking crisis.

We got to get on the road. We got to get out of the city. We got to get on the road. You should have came down to Philly. I know, but I want to go west. We will. You want to go to Vegas this week? You keep saying we will, but then we don't.

You want to go to Vegas on Thursday? No. Because I know, okay, I would go to Vegas, but I don't think I'm going to be able to go because I can't get anywhere. Yeah, you couldn't go anywhere. They're not going to be allowed to, you can't use a fake ID in Vegas.

No, they're pretty strict about that. Yeah. Which is stupid. I think there's a skank fest in Vegas after your birthday. That'd be fun. I would go to Vegas. Interview some people.

Yeah, we should get some people on the podcast when we go to LA. For the Super Bowl? Yeah. Okay. Like whom? Whoever you want. I just saw Bryce Hall posting about Martin Luther King Day.

Oh, yeah? The fucking goat hath spoken. He fucking, the way he puts words together is just like, yes, bro, he gets it. Maybe we should get him in on the book. Yeah. I'm going to write a memoir of Bryce Hall. Happy MLK Day. Memoir of some good shit. Truly an inspiration to many this day, even 54 years later.

Fuck. Fuck, bro. How fucking stupid is that, dude? Don't do that, dude. Don't fucking do that, especially on Martin Luther King Day. No, not MLK, bro. I know, Bryce Hall, but you know it's a hard day for him okay bro i know bryce hall but you know this is a big day for bryce hall god we should just cut that part because i can't deal

with fucking stool at clubhouse right now why at least they'll glom onto that one i know yeah they'll fucking swoop in like a SWAT team and fucking let the world know every single thing you said about your boy bryce you Owen sends the podcast to Stoolie Clubhouse before it goes up? I did know that because it does always come out like two hours early. Dude, when I wake up in the morning, Stoolie Clubhouse already has like 15 clips posted.

What is Stoolie Clubhouse? I don't know. It makes me look bad though. Why? There's always clips up before I wake up. I know. And they're good ass clips too. He knows what he's doing. Or she. Or she. Or she.

Or they. Or they. It could be many people. It could be they. Or it could be one person who has a fluid identity. Oh, I see. It could be two guys in a trench coat. Yeah.

Yeah. Or like a pair of conjoined twins, one of whom is confused about their sexuality and the other one who's very sure about their sexuality, but they share their own genitalia. So they always fist fight each other about whether to keep the genitalia as it is or to have the clitoris reformed into a penis. Oh, okay, okay. You know that's what they do, right, bro?

I did. Smart thinking there. That'll make the book. That'd be brutal, dude, if you had a gay conjoined twin yeah i mean it's like only one of you guys can kind of get what they want unless unless they fall in love two conjoined twins falling in love that could make the book i saw a pair of conjoined twins i would saw them in sideways though so there's a lower half and an upper half

yeah so you killed him there's three legs oh fuck maybe we should design furniture and make like a conjoined twin table

and like the legs are like legs of three three legs of conjoined twins or something we should try and get on Shark Tank this year? Is shark tank even still popping like that? Yeah.

I feel like it used to be your super popping. It was like that and bar rescue were super popping simultaneously. None of, yeah, they all made their money on bombas. No, it's still doing well, dude.

It's if you go on, if you, I mean, do you guys watch normal TV ever? No, from time to time. Yeah, exactly.

So it's like when i go home it's dude they'll be like 15 shark tank episodes on back to back i know and it's it but i'm i don't know if people are why because it's like on msnbc and those are channels where i don't know if like people my family watches it all the time i know that it is it is still good did too yeah it's a lot of reruns yeah you see a lot of the same ones again and again. Like that one dude who gets like super sweaty right away. He gets like super scared. Yeah.

It's like all of them. Yeah. Not me, bro. I'd fucking present the fuck out of that. I'd be in there fucking presenting my dick off. They're all assholes too. The sharks. Yeah.

But also like the people who have the companies are assholes too. Yeah. Thinking that they can go on Shark Tank and get their fucking business off. Well, you're not going to get your fucking business off. Do it the old fashioned way and fucking go door to door. Sell some shit instead of trying to repackage an idea. Some dumb shit like that. You know who?

Ship Station. Well, do we have to do these in order? No. Because this would be a great segue into Manscaped. They originated on Shark Tank. Alright. Did they? They did, right? Yes, let's go back to Manscaped. No, they did. But Ship Station, we have not forgotten about you, okay?

We're coming to you soon. Oh, yeah. Why don't we hop into our first ad of today's episode? Oh, yeah? The second one. The second. Oh, it doesn't really matter, does it? It's gonna be the first episode? Oh, yeah? The second one. The second. Oh, it doesn't really matter, does it? It's going to be the first one. You made it a whole thing. Yeah.

We could have gotten away with it. Manscaped. A returning advertiser. Advertiser. A returning advertiser. They first advertised with us last year, but now they're advertising again. And they started on Shack Tank. Shack Tank? Dude, Glennie thought it was edadame yesterday

oh come on it come on glennie i heard that edadame gives you high estrogen estrogen titties which would you always say that it's not brain sasses i eat so much edamame ed Edadande. Edadande. Cheers to 2022 and resolutions. Was Glennywals just in the Bahamas? How about having clean and shiny balls all year round? It's a new year, new me, with the global leaders in below waist grooming. This year, take your package to the next level with their Performance Package 4.0 and brand new ultra premium body wash inside the performance package package 4.0 you'll find the signature lawnmower 4.0 to trim those hair trim that hair on loose skin the advanced skin safe technology reduces cuts and nicks on your delicate, delicate balls.

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Cheers to new balls in 2022. And get 20% off and free shipping with code SUN at manscaped.com. That's 20% off with free shipping at manscaped.com and use code SUN. It's a new year, no pubes in 2022 at Manscaped.com. That's 20% off with free shipping at Manscaped.com. And use code SUN. It's a new year. No pubes in 2022 with Manscaped. Love that. How the fuck did Glennie Balls go to the Bahamas? Was he actually in the Bahamas?

Yes, dude. I think he was. Did they do Sunday conversation there? And they're about to go to San Diego. They're going to La Jolla. San Diego? Yes, bro. Would you ever go out there?

Tell me that's not true. Yes, bro. They're about to go play Torrey Pines. Why are they going to San Diego. They're going to La Jolla. Yes, bro. Would you ever go out there? Tell me that's not true. Yes, bro. They're about to go play Torrey Pines. Why are they going to San Diego? To play Torrey Pines. San Diego is lovely. I would love to go to San Diego. Pacific Beach.

We'll get some ceviche. Fuck. Sounds amazing. Owen, would you like to come? It's the most temperate city in America. I would, yeah. It's temperate? It's the most temperate city in America.

What's temperate mean? It's like the tightest window of temperatures for the year. Never too hot, never too cold? It's always 50 to 70. Probably a lot of homeless folk and a decent chance of the big one shaking them off and dumping them out into the Pacific Ocean. Oh, yeah. Big chance of that.

If the big one happens, it's just going to rustle them all and dump them in. Especially after that, you see that fucking volcano? Underwater volcano, right? That shit. I'm surprised i'm surprised san diego didn't drop off right then i know especially like the pacific beach la jolla area that was crazy yeah that would be hilariously bad that would stink i don't really know anyone out there so i don't really give an f really no i'm kidding my boy has a family out there

my one boy mike used to live out there mike um one of the ones i know or now oh it was his brother oh shit but his name's james he works he lives out in california oh yeah but yeah yeah he'd probably get shaken off into the ocean as well you think the whole of california would fucking now snap on the san andreasault and all of it would fall out? Or would just like one city, is like San Diego going to fall into the ocean? LA, would they both fall into the ocean? I've heard that like surrounding states actually might fall off too.

No way. Yeah. No way. That means you're losing Vegas. You're losing Washington. No. Yup. What about Portland, Oregon?

Yeah. What about Frisco? Gone. No. What about Renono forget about it no bro i fucking love reno you better go soon i haven't been in almost two or three years bro you better go best place this week smoke inside i told i'll go to vegas ve want to go to Reno this week? Reno, Vegas. I think we go to fucking Vegas, and then you go to the fucking... There's no way that we could convince them to let me go to Vegas with you. Convince who? The big man. What we don't do in 2022 is ask for permission.

We ask for forgiveness. We can say sorry, maybe. We won't mean it, but we're not asking for permission anymore we're fucking getting on the plane and we're fucking doing it I just don't know what I would do in Vegas well we're only going for like 24 hours I go I speak at this conference

I fucking get on the stage and then we go to the hotel room and get fucked up yeah we go to the hotel room and then you go down to the casinos and go to the club go to the really nice dinner and then i'm with them the entire time and maybe we could go to find a little arcade for you or something to play that you could fall asleep in the hotel room with a meatball sub yeah yeah wait that happened in philly right yeah how was that meatball sub so good was it actually yeah

and i woke up and it was all over my bed. Crime scene. You're just rolling around. It looks like someone got murdered in my bed. Damn, that's why you need to get back to Philly. I know. What about D.C.? Was D.C. any interest of you? To you? No.

Not interested in going into politics? No, I've been to D.C. Not for me. Really? Not really my cup of tea. What about the strong Ethiopian presence that they have there? Maybe we get some Ethiopian food. Not for me.

What if we just cut out the middleman and went straight to Ethiopia? That would be fun. I heard the civil unrest out there is fucking crazy right now. Yeah, I heard it's a good time. Actually, that's a good way to get remembered forever. Get into like a revolution? Yeah.

Yeah. I'm going to go to Ethiopia with my barstool media pass. And I'm going to document the entire revolution. I'm pretty sure that's how Anderson Cooper got his start. He was just like, send me to war zones. Like, I don't like my job right now. Put me in a bunch of war zones and let me see if I can cut my teeth as a correspondent. You could be the next Anderson Coop.

That would be sick. Gray hair, go gay. Bro, you don't go gay. You wouldn't be going gay. You don't go gay. Let's going you don't go gay let's get that out though accepting so you accept that you're gay is kind of you're born gay okay is it nature or nurture i can't deal with old people how do you know this then bro because i know whoa someone tell you or i'm not gay bro if that's what you're asking. What's your problem with it?

There isn't a problem? Seems like you have one. No. How do you know you're not gay? What about the Kinsey scale? It says that it's all a spectrum, that everybody's at least a little bit gay. Not me. All the way zero.

All the way straight. All the way straight. Just motorcycles. 23 and me, and it just came back not gay at all. It said straight as fuck. Straight as fuck. This guy fucking loves pussy. Yeah, that's what it said on the 23 and me.

Genetically, he loves pussy. Historically, he's been passed down. If I was gay, bro, do you think I'd be drinking this C4 right now? Fucking crushing this smart energy. Get a big sip. It says straight energy on it. Take a big ass sip then. I see my boy Owen over there just pounding it.

It seems like you're getting pounded by it. Bro, don't go there. Say less. No, the out and about boys told me I was fucking hilarious. Really? They basically gave me the F-bomb pass. That's tight. F-bomb pass should be like the N-word pass.

Dude, you should ask Enrique for one. He gave Nick one and Nick kept it all year and then screamed it when he was at a bar with Enrique. Really? Yeah. Damn. It sounds controversial. That does sound controversial. Just fucking cancel his ass.

damn sounds controversial that does sound controversial cancel his ass almost as controversial as this birthday party I was going to go to this weekend then wanted to do

a Mexican theme oh yeah not okay not okay not okay that's just not cool no unless it's like

we're celebrating Mexican artists throughout time throughout time and kind of dressing in the Cinco de Mayo perhaps yes or Frida Kahlo Frida Yes, or Frida Kahlo.

Frida Kahlo, perhaps. Is Frida Kahlo, or is she Brazilian? Or Argentinian? Please, cut this. Cut this, bro. We cannot be Hispanic. She's at a resurgence of weight. I can't be seen messing up Frida Kahlo.

She's from Mexico, bro. She's from Mesa Coyoacan. She's from Coyoacan. Dude, I knew it was fucking Frida Kahlo. So we could dress up as Frida Kahlo, just kind of fill in a unibrow. You know who Frida Kahlo was? Of course. Big fan.

Yeah, I love her shit, bro. She's funny, dude. She's really not. Her podcast is hilarious. Yes, dude. I heard that she had Jamie Lynn Spears on. Wasn't her art about maintaining a relationship while having muscular dystrophy? Was it couldn't tell you how the fuck do you know that owen owen are you fucking loki or frida kahlo frida caro i'm wondering if we had fucking frida caro in the

studio and asian art wait check this out bro she had two spouses and they were both named Diego Rivera. That's awesome. She was married to a dude named Diego Rivera in 1929 and then in 1940 she got married. Are you sure she didn't get divorced and remarried? What sense would that make? In the Catholic Church once you get divorced you can't get remarried. Really? Actually I don't know. I don't think that's a thing.

You would have to get an annulment to have a second marriage be acknowledged by the church. This is him, bro. This is Diego Rivera. Damn. Say what you got to say about him, bro. Get it off your chest.

I got to say anything. He's like a good person. Yeah. Seems like she really loves him for him. Seems like he's got a pretty good personality. That's the dude or is that the girl? That's the dude, bro. This is the girl. You've never seen Frida Kahlo?

No, I have. She's a historically haired woman. Yeah. She got the upper lip. I think that we should get more like, I can't wait till beauty standards change again. There's like a half face of her and Chadwick Boseman in the city. Wait, what?

Yeah. A what? Why? There's a what of Chadwick Boseman? A mural. Of just her and him together? You know, like the XXXTentacion one? Half X's face and then half, like, Betty White. Did they do that? Yeah, all the time. That's love.

Betty White would've fucking loved that. Yeah, she was probably a huge XXXTentacion fan. XXX would've gotten pissed off, though. You were definitely, like, a huge xxx tentacion fan xxx would have gotten pissed off though he would you were definitely like a huge fan of his uh did you cry only after he died i became a way bigger fan no i believe his relationship advice i still yeah i started following him after he died yeah yeah that's sick so do you like resent drake for killing him no bro brody had to do what brody had to do yeah i agree that's just how the streets are

you think that uh drake put out that hit oh yeah no way bro are you gonna be mad when drake kills kanye too i think pete davidson's gonna do it first no imagine if kanye straight up just murdered pete davidson that would be crazy that would be awesome it would be you think we gotta kill our episode out we'd have to do an emergency episode he would be you think we gotta kill our episode out we'd have to do an emergency episode he would uh do you think he'd still be able to make good ass music from jail yeah i think that he should like kind of go to like uh norway or something and kill him in a place where inmates are given like their own suites when they kill someone yeah and they get to have their own recording studio so he could be locked up for like eight years or whatever they

require of murderers in Norway. But he also could like come out with a couple of projects in the meantime. Yeah. Like a book maybe. Yeah. Going and killing someone in Norway is probably the best artistic thing that you could do. Maybe I should do that. Honestly, if you're feeling like you're lost in the world, go to Norway, kill someone.

And then write a screenplay. Yeah. Get like super jacked in jail and fucking like take violin lessons or whatever they do up there learn the cello in jail in Norway during while you're doing your bid that would be a

that's a good plan that's a backup plan that's plan B and those dudes all get like jacked Norse jacked and wind up looking like Vikings with big ass beards

and like a bunch of cool ass tattoos that wear winter hats you know in Norway they actually give the inmates steroids really? yeah to make them more jacked and they train them as soldiers forway they actually give the inmates steroids really yeah to make them more jacks than they and they train them as soldiers for when they get out of jail

yeah in case norway wants to ever invade anywhere norway's never gonna fucking inmates are the first people to go in the draft it makes a lot of sense yeah especially if they're fucking jacked up like that not like in fucking america bro where all our inmates are pussies they're all shriveled up eating fucking bags of chips and fucking twinkies all day fucking shaking their asses on tiktok in norway they let them hunt their own fucking bison and fucking deal they let them fucking go out to the wilderness and bow hunt they just learned how to tie knots they all they all get enrolled in boy scouts. Yeah, they know how to dress a deer. That would be awesome.

Knowing how to dress a deer. We should make that. So we did fucking sign up. There was a form that Sidney Wells, our head of our outdoor content, put together. And I tried to sign us up for everything. I want a whitewater raft.

That would be sick. People do die, but it would be sweet if they, but that depends on what, have you ever been? No. So, okay.

So, so whitewater rafting, I went whitewater rafting when I was in second grade and there's like levels to the rapids. So it's like, if you go down like a two, you'll be happy. But then if you go down like a four, I'm pretty sure it's like you're just like fucking falling off of waterfalls. Dude, you pretending to be an outdoors person is starting to infuriate me.

Why? I love the outdoors. You're outside for 45 minutes a day, max. Dude, because there's nothing to see here. But you yearn for the outdoors. There's a city. I want to go to like the actual outdoors. I'm not trying to be like looking out at the water facing fucking Jersey City. But you know that's how R.R. Martin wrote fucking.

I can see I can see Marty and Jersey Jerry bedding in the Hoboken house across the East River. That's literally beautiful. That's how George R.R. Martin wrote whatever the fuck show that Game of Thrones. He was just like locked in an apartment and he had never gone over to the river to the big city. And like, that's just what he imagined everything to be like fucking dragons and shit like you could be the next rr martin you could be rr martin you could the way that he used nudity you can just use profanity use it like tarantino that'd be sick quentin tarantino loves just sprinkling some n n bombs in his work have you ever seen the norm mcdonald impersonation of Quentin Tarantino?

No. So funny. You gotta watch that. Is it on point or does he just drop a bunch of n-bombs? It's on point. It's like shocking how real it is. He goes back. He probably finishes his work and then goes back like he's crossing his t's and dotting his i's just adding in n-bombs. Just like a

sprinkle of n-bombs. He's like Salt Bae with n-bombs throughout his work. And foot scenes. Dirty feet's like salt bae with n-bombs throughout his work and foot scenes dirty foot scenes yeah how can you get some more dirty ass feet in yeah just gross feet fucking gross bro what can what scene can we add margot robbie's toes to yeah how can we get uma thurman fucking spreading her toes you see that shit about leonardo caprio like bringing a girl to that theater to watch all the star wars movies yeah that did numbies this week shit shit was viral bro he also definitely didn't run around the theater the entire time she's fucking lying also if he did like that's awesome yeah that'd be hilarious that's sick like pew pew pew pew pew if you

were on a date with leonardo di caprio and he was running around like playing with lightsabers wouldn't you be like this is fucking hysterical this guy's a fucking loser what were you hoping for also if you're that rich and famous i would just like remake my favorite movies with me as the protagonist just for myself how do you like them apples yeah i thought that was hilarious dudes rock yeah honestly that was a dude was a dudes rock moment. I don't understand why. Like, women always want, like, don't just take me on, like, a fucking normal, boring date. Yeah. If they wanted to, they would. Yeah, and he wanted to, and he fucking did.

But I doubt that. It's also funny to think of him, like, making fun of Dave Portnoy. I know, I know. Making fun of Barstool, and then just, like, going back and, like, I'm Jabba the Hutt. I'm Han Solo. What if he's just secretly a huge Jephte Lowe fan? He probably is. He watches every episode of The Dozen.

He just doesn't like how Dave treats Robbie. Yeah, yeah. He just doesn't like that Dave didn't go to all the Star Wars parts when he was in Disney World. But did you see how all the Star Wars boys tweeted at Dave and he's like, yeah, let's all go to Disney World. Yeah. Like we need to tweet at him and like what's like some fun ass shit

that we could do. We should be like, Dave, you want to go hike in Colorado with us? You want to go Summit K2 with us, Dave? Maybe Yacht Week, Ibiza. Yacht Week in Ibiza would be cool. Croatia or some shit like that. That would be fire.

Do you think if we went and hiked, not Everest, maybe Everest, and one of us almost died, and it got 100 million views, maybe say one of us did die, do you think we could stop working for the rest of the year? No, bro. You'd have to do a press tour.

You'd have to fucking make merch. You'd have to make merch for the year? No, bro. You'd have to do a press tour. You'd have to fucking make merch. Like you'd have to make merch for the person that died, bro. Just trying to think big picture here. One of us dying would be the worst thing for us because we would just have to ratchet it up and fucking like the. Pretend to care. The attention would be fucking crazy, bro. It was fucking exhausting when I did it for XXXTentacion. It was so infuriating.

Well, you were his boy. Yeah. I was originally sad too, with an exclamation point. Were you a big Juice WRLD fan? I loved him after he died. Were you a big Mac Miller fan? I was listening to some Mac Miller this week. So now?

Because I'm a big Mac Miller fan. Always have been. Since when? My entire life. I have a poster of him in always have been since when? my entire life I have a poster of him in my room yeah? yeah when did you start listening to him?

uh kindergarten or no fifth grade fifth grade I don't know why I said kindergarten yeah I think I was in fifth grade when kids came out that's sweet

yeah but then by the I mean at the end he was kind of really like talking about how many drugs he was doing yeah have you ever listened to Faces? Which is that the album?

It's like a. Yeah, I guess. I don't know if it's got to call it like I don't know what the technical words are. Like an EP or something. Yeah. The other one with like a yellow. Yeah. Cover.

Yeah. That's the one I listened to this week. That's an old one, though. Is it? That's like that's like like I think that came out probably like almost like 10 years ago. He like calls himself a crackhead in it? Yeah. He like predicts his death like a hundred times.

Yeah. Yeah, but that's like my favorite album ever. It's got some fucking heaters on it. Does it? Yeah. Do you listen to other rap? I went through a big Earl Sweatshirt phase. So he's got a good ass rap name?

Yeah, he does. Dude, you gotta listen to Tierra Whack. Nah. No, she's great, bro. You gotta listen to a woman rapper. Yeah, more like Tierra Whack. No thanks. Holy fuck.

That's exactly her name. More like Tierra Whack Whack. Bro, she's the fucking most creative. She's like the most creative artist out right now, bro. Yeah? Show some fucking respect for a woman. Real. That's real. You're not the most creative artist out right now, bro. Yeah. Show some fucking respect for a woman. Real. That's real.

You're not going to do it. I'll check her out. Okay. There you go, bro. One time, fucking respect a woman. When I was in Philly this past weekend, we had this gambling competition, the thing that we were trying to get you down for in Philly. Even though we were trying to get you down, Owen and I had a side conversation that you

wouldn't have been able to go to the gambling competition yeah i knew that but we were just like that's like part of the reason i didn't go well we were just gonna wait until you got down and then just tell you once you were down there that you couldn't go to the competition uh i'm glad i didn't go yeah it's probably for the best for you from your point of view you didn't go i was gonna end up sitting in a hotel room the entire night yeah and that And that hotel... God, that would have been bad. That hotel was not good. You sat in your room the whole night. I played video games, bro. Yeah. I went to Battlefield 1. People do...

People do bring their, like, gaming consoles to hotels. That's too much. That shit is hilarious when they do that. I've done that many times. Have you? Really?

It's easy. Is it? Yeah. Some hotels do make it easy. And, like, the strip is, like, right there in front of the TV. Yeah. They do kind of encourage gamers to bring their shit with them but when i was at this uh this this event like they gave me

they were they were like just treating me super serious like they had my face on fucking posters throughout the entire thing and then they're like they brought me like a bottle for like bottle service and like all like danced around me and like held a poster of me up and then the entire night they gave me a bodyguard and the dude was just like i'm not like anywhere you go like i'm gonna fucking go to like i'm gonna fucking be at your side the entire night god damn and i was like dude this is super uncomfortable for me like i don't need you to be here and i was just like i'll just like talk to you and i was like talking to him throughout like the the whole like first half of the event probably first two hours and then halfway through like the head of security came up to me he was like we removed that guy from your detail he was talking too much they basically fired the dude jesus christ and then another

dude came up and uh he's like you want me to roll you a fat joint i was like yeah yeah i guess i do i don't know what i would ever do if I needed a security. I would never want a security guard. Are they doing that? Like anywhere? Barstool events are? Security guards? Yeah.

I don't think it's me. There were security guards at the live show on Friday. It seems like it's exactly U3. I think it might just be any live event. Yeah. They weren't at Tea with Publicity at City Winery. Probably not, no. And that was a great show.

But they also aren't at Pop Punk. They don't have a... That's surprising. That's like something you actually should have security for. Well, I guess there's like event staff or whatever. Yeah. I don't know. But at the live Yak show on friday i was

talking to one of the security guards after and he was like be careful brother you could get those motherfuckers fired by talking to them no this was the barstool security guys and he was like he was like yeah it was crazy like i was in the crowd and some dude came up to me and he like recognized me and he said that i like arrested him back in 08 for smoking weed. No fucking way. Yeah. No way. I know. Jared said that one of our security guards pulled him over. Yeah.

A couple of years ago. Yeah. Oh, is that who you're talking about? I don't know. He never said who it was. Jared Karabas? No, Jared Schwartz. Oh, so you're talking about the rocket.

No. Two rocket mentions in one show? Would have been unprecedented. Would have been fucking incredible. I know. I would never remember the officer who like arrested me

what they look like. I probably would. Really? Yeah. Guess I've been arrested too many times to fucking remember. It's all a fucking blur.

There's also when you get arrested there's usually like 15 cops hard to remember their faces. They drag me out of the fucking and they've got like goggles on. Yeah. You got arrested

for like murder that one time, right? No, they didn't arrest me. Oh, it does make me think I could get away with a bank robbery, though. Like, do you think that bank robbers are that smart? You think they're geniuses? I don't think there's very, very little success in bank robbery anymore just because security's too and like DNA dna testing like everything it's too hard and you

just have to be a level of an idiot to try it yeah like there has to be some level of fucking stupid to try it there was a bank robbery apparently pretty recently in la or like maybe it was like a year ago or yeah sometime recently and like they the bank robbers like got away and then they got caught in the la traffic no and the cops just like caught up with them on foot it used to be if you were gone from the premise you were good yeah because there's no like security cameras like dna testing yeah how many bank robberies are there a year I would say the success rate for a bank robbery is probably like 0.001%. You think there was a bunch after the town came out? Oh, yeah.

I almost robbed a bank after that. Good ass movie. Yeah. Almost robbed a stadium. Yeah. Almost. That's based on a true story. The Garden.

Is it? I think so. Yikes. It says there's 3,000 to 4,000 bank robberies a year in the United States, which represents 1.4% of all the robberies.

There were 267,988 robberies. No more, no less. What are they mainly? Probably just folks. Probably like car break-ins and shit. Common folks just robbing someone's house convenience stores aren't worth it no because those guys always have a shotgun back there but they also have like 200 but i feel like bank robbers only make out with like fucking 600

bucks these days yeah they don't keep a lot of cash dude when we shot that music video like a couple thousand when we shot that music video at that at that old bank there was like the button under the thing yeah and i kept on pressing it, there was like the button under the thing. Yeah, that's pretty sweet. And I kept on pressing it and I was like, I wonder if the cops are going to show up. Pussy ass cops wouldn't come. No, they were scared of us. Yeah, they were.

And our prop guns. They knew that we were the true robbers. Imagine if they shot us with the prop guns. I know. Imagine if they pulled up and we had the prop guns and they just unloaded on us. Yeah, that would stink. That would suck. Yeah.

We'd do numbies for the video, though. And, like, historic, we could probably get so much money from whatever police station or, I guess, our family. Did you know that video? Why don't we just fake your death? I know.

That would be sick. You know the At The Bank video is at, like, 3 million views? What? Yeah. Really? No, it's not. On what? YouTube. No, it's not. On what? YouTube.

No, it's not. Is that, what, like 10,000 views? No idea. I'm just fucking pulling your balls, bro. What was the fucking point of that joke? I'm just sucking you off, bro. To make me feel like a fucking failure idiot? Yeah. At the bank. Yeah, that joke wasn't fun.

It's fun for me. You saw your boys get all excited. You know, it's been fun for me. And then just take it away from you. Yeah that joke wasn't fun it's fun for me dude you saw your boys get all excited you know it's been fun for me just take it away from you yeah i wasn't even a part of that i was just excited for you guys 148 000 views in a month not bad it's not bad you saw that and you just holy fuck the top comment is i'm a fucking genius holy shit shit, bro. What? The top comment on you guys on anus was Nick wants to watch Ron fuck. That's love.

And then the other ones were all like, dude, sass is so fucking stupid. Or no, they were like, the anus boys don't like me. The anus fans. They don't? Not the boys.

KB and Nick are like my fucking brothers. I would take a bullet for them. Facts. I heard you wanted to start Son of a Boy Dad with them originally. Yeah, for sure. For sure. And then I kind of was the backup plan.

They're like, we actually have this thing going. Oh, look. I get it. I totally get it. No, but like, this is cool. No, like, I'm having fun with this. This is like, yeah, it's whatever. You got to do something, right?

You got to do something to fill out the day.'ve been i've been waiting so long to be able to fucking whip these out bro yeah i was actually it's funny that you did that because i was gonna wear my brand new ones today too you got new ones yeah oh i was waiting for you to get off the ball to even be able to wear mine now i got brand new ones sitting in my room right now for real yeah oh yeah all black god i'm wick damn not the wikis not the fucking wicks bro wiki wow wow west bro holy fuck all right the stan smith saying before we talk more shoes let's talk ship station yes brother shipping delays supply shortages high demand last year was a mess now you're in the new year with impatient customers, returns

now expensive, shipping rates. It's time to switch to a shipping solution that can handle it all painlessly. Why would you use anything but ShipStation? ShipStation is basically for you, if you have a small business, but you don't want to get bogged down in the logistics of packaging everything up sending everything out to everybody doing all the little bullshit that you have to do to keep your business going you want to focus on the stuff that matters and you want to leave the ticky tacky logistic part to somebody who is known and trusted to be able to take care of shit like that or should i say ship like that that is going to be ship station that's of shit like that. Or should I say ship like that? That is going to be ShipStation. That's fucking ShipStation.

And they're the homies. They're the absolute Gs, bro. The fucking gift baskets that they sent us are truly some of the best shit that I've ever gotten in my life. Look, my motto with ShipStation is save time, save money, save your goddamn sanity. Yes, bro. You've got to know your orders are handled. your goddamn sanity. Yes, bro. You got to know your orders are handled.

Use ShipStation. Yes, bro. Ship more in less time with ShipStation. So I'm going to make you guys a deal. Okay. I'm going to cut you guys a deal. All right. You use my offer code, SUN.

SUN. And get a 60-day free trial. That's two months. Holy crap. Free. Sass, are you sure you want to do that? Say less. No hassle. Stress-freefree shipping just go to shipstation.com click on the microphone at the top of the page and type in sun sun ship station make ship happen unbelievable unbelievable bro look

at the fucking uh dot at the bottom of this bro how crazy is this shit bro just look straight down the top no it's gotta be on the table bro nothing in there dude are you sure bro I think I trusted you at one point the fuck bro you fucking pranking me bro

you fucking throwing a prank on me bro maybe that's it I've never pranked me bro you fucking throwing a prank on me bro maybe that's it i've never pranked maybe like a fucking uh how uh whatever the who are the the four prank dudes knock boys practical joke practical jokers are breaking up you know no boys are never gonna break up bro come on bro don't scare me that's a brotherhood for life that's a true brotherhood that's break up already oh yeah yeah dude like but not full send full send will never break up bro no full sense forever yes bro like i want to just do something like more like that i'm gonna be able to put more time into and focus on like not social media like

i think we should get into pranks okay okay what if you just like walk up that's right the book of pranks a book about pranks yeah that would be people go crazy for that that's like the worst idea i've ever heard bro get really jacked and just go up to girls on a college campus and be like hey can i have your number and then like be like yeah and then like really lead it on like you go meet their parents everything film the whole thing for like six months and then be like surprise right i've been doing this with 17 other girls and just all we're gonna dice this up into seven million different tiktoks yeah you get on one knee and she thinks that you're gonna marry her and you're like surprise babe this has all been a prank cameras over there you are actually pregnant but yeah it's part of the joke full send for life or just dress up like a nerd and go cross

people over just dress up like a nerd whose muscles are breaking through his shirt and like has a huge like cock bulging through his fucking tight ass capri pants the only thing showing that he would be a nerd is some glasses on yeah tape in the middle with tape in the middle their 3d glasses popped out. Yeah. Yeah. And you talk to a girl and she's like, nah, I'm not into it. And then you get into a Lamborghini and she's like, what? Wait, that's your car?

But you're a nerd. How could you be rich? And then all the top comments are like, fucking trust no hoes, bro. All these hoes want is fucking money shit's bullshit oh my god you can't and you really can't trust these hoes that's what the comments always do have you ever gotten to like the gym like the gym side of tiktok where it's just like oh the dude lifting and it's like it's like she said she didn't want me to get bigger what i had in mind and then it's like a picture of like the want me to get bigger. What I had in mind.

And then it's like a picture of like the rock. Dude, I've seen ones and it's like what she's doing after the breakup. Yeah. And it's videos of her like making out with guys and partying. And it's like what I'm doing lifting. Yeah. It's like what she's doing looks way cooler. And way more fun. It's in like black and white.

And there's like horror music playing in the background. Dude, I don't think girls like jacked dudes. No. Like dudes who get super jack think girls like jacked dudes. No. Like, dudes who get super jacked and like aesthetic or whatever, like, that's gay. Those dudes are gay. Those guys are gay. That shit is gay. They're doing it for other

dudes. They're getting their body right for the dudes. And I guess for themselves. And MGK are like the two biggest sex symbols right now. And Harlow. Yeah. But Harlow's thick. And you. What do you mean? Harlow's swole. Thick or swole, bro? Because pick your words carefully, bro.

About to cost us a lot of money. All I'm saying is Harlow's not like on the same level as Pete Davidson and Machine Gun Kelly. You're saying that he hasn't dabbled in like super hard drugs? No, like he's not like, they're like scary skinny. But you can't get that skinny unless in like super hard drugs no like he's not like they're like scary skinny but they can't you can't get that skinny unless you do really hard drugs yeah yeah like habitually

yeah that's true like you no way owen is that skinny just without doing some some crazy shit no i i know harlow and he's not fucking with that hard shit i told him i'm like dude weed and booze that's it nothing else seriously out of him when you're flying these people are going to try to tempt you with all this do not fucking listen to them bro i was like bro i've been in the industry do not pay attention to them you're gonna get people around you for the wrong reasons bro make sure you keep your fucking circle tight as a fucking period, bro. I was like, bro, they only gas you up when the flame is on. I gave you my life. Fuck yeah, bro.

We got to see maybe some concerts this year. Yeah, I would do that. You like concerts? I don't know. You could Bob Dylan anything, bro. I know. I know you could bob dylan anything bro i know i know i could what if we see bob dylan what's he doing is he on tour yeah but i don't really think his concerts are like that crazy anymore what about uh this is really old what about jimmy hendrix isn't jimmy hendrix dead so bro hologram concert yeah bro what are you where were we

somewhere recently where they were like yeah tupac's doing a hologram show. Oh, at the Rockwood Music Hall. Yeah. They're like, yeah, we're doing it. We're doing a Tupac hologram show upstairs this week. It's crazy that that's even still a thing. I know. Wasn't that like 10 years ago that that first happened?

Yeah. I remember Chief Keef did one in Chicago and they like they shut it it down i think there's clubs and like people were shooting at his hologram because he's not allowed to perform in chicago anymore really yeah he's like bands too fun yeah shows are too fun there's definitely uh clubs in like south america who have like hologram michael jackson's as like a residency there that's definitely one of them i know people who've gone to them to go see see the prince live yeah and they're just like selling out arenas who's making money off that it's so fire we should have dave holograms the family just like let barstool fans come and see dave live don't say it's hologram how much do you think it costs

to get like a hologram can't be that expensive what is a hologram like what is that like is that when i think hologram i'm thinking of fucking star wars when they're like sitting in those chairs and people like hologram into the meetings yeah and they're like actually there like that can't be what it looks like right i think it's what it looks like no way but it's on a stage though and they're like moving i think that they like program i don't know like digital programming 360 projector or something i don't know i don't fucking know bro but if we had one of dave i think that it could fucking it could be explosive just having people in the building super fired up to see him he's just not there that would be so sick dude we should get on holograms i feel like holograms is like uh similar

to the metaverse in that it's technology that people are like, this is going to be the next fucking big thing. Even though it's been out. A, it's been out. And B, no, it's not, dude. Well, the metaverse was out a while ago, wasn't it? Yeah. They're just remaking it.

But now it's just Club Penguin. It really is. But all rappers are like, dude, I don't even care about... You saw it was Lil Baby and he had a huge duffel bag of cash. He's like, I don't even care about duffel bags of cash anymore. And he's patting his big ass duffel bag. He's like, all I care about is NFTs and being in the fucking metaverse. It's like, no.

Come on, bro. No, you don't, dude. You care about that duffel bag of cash because you have it. You have it with you. That's real. But people are just trying to be ahead of the next thing so many like rappers are just like crypto bros i've gotten so many like messages from people who i haven't talked to in like 10 years being like yo dude like i know you're like pretty big on twitter like have you ever tried nfts and like trying to get me into nfts

for you to buy like the ones i don't know like selling or like they want us to mint our own nfts i have no idea like my dad was like you should start selling everything you do as an NFT. A lot of like the best poker players in the world like openly retired to do NFTs and crypto. And they're all back. Because it's all the same type of shit. It's like the same type of like if you know enough about math that you feel like you have an upper hand on poker or you feel like you have an upper hand on crypto trading or NFTs or some shit like that. But it's just, I don't know,

it just feels like it's the wrong people in it. Yeah. But some people are getting rich off it, I guess. A lot of times it is like the dumbest person you know. Yeah, it's infuriating. It's people who think they're early, but they're too late. Yeah, it's already over. Or like the people who are early

have all their money in Bitcoin, but they have no liquid cash, so they have Ponzi scheme fake jobs to show income, and they're moving money around, just doing the sneakiest... I mean, I don't know. I guess it's a racket. I guess you've got to do crazy things to get

rich these days, which is why we need to write fucking Hamilton 2 or some shit like or like a zombie Hamilton play or some shit like that where like Hamilton like gets lit up

like it's fucking Scarface or something. Like a say hello to my little friend scene in Hamilton. Should we just go to Hamilton and kind of

steal the plot? Yeah. Yeah. Just rewrite the whole thing. With Stu and Erica. But with like a bar stool. It's like gonna be like a bar stool themed. Yes. yeah. Just rewrite the whole thing. With Stu and Erica. But with like a bar stool. It's going to be like a bar stool themed. Yes, dude.

Yeah. Like Dave as Alexander Hamilton. Yes, bro. That would be sick. I don't know any of the plot. I'm going to pitch this. All right. I'm going to pitch this to Jen.

All right. Let's make a movie. I'm just going to do a fuck ton of coke and go in and be like, I got this idea. Hamilton, but it's barstool i mean i rented by dad chad i really think that you can just get like massive ideas made by just saying i don't even think you need the cocaine and the presentation yeah i think you can kind of just say the idea offhand to someone and they'll make the idea yeah like they're doing like like i had a random ass

idea of like small small talk olympics or something because i always just say like oh frankie barelli would be great at the small talk what is it huh what's that argument arguments that's no that's a whole other that but that was just an idea i had that was a that was a me idea yeah and i think you just say these shits to somebody and then they'll be like all right we'll get this sold and they do they get it sold if you say hamilton the musical but it's about barstool and there's machine guns and machine gun kelly damn dude milton is in the title hamilton yo no ha milton the hamilton story oh my the The Dave Portnoy story. Viva la Hamilton. Let's cut this. We gotta start writing.

Holy fuck. We gotta get in the fucking, in the room right now, bro. We just struck gold. Milton. Damn, bro. How did you think of that, Owen? You think that's what Manuel Miranda actually based the script on? Early Barstool?

Could be. The Forefathers. Nate. Smoothie. Fuck. Marco. Do Forefathers. Nate. Smoothie. Fuck. Marco. Do you gotta run? Nah.

It's 530. I mean, I guess I could run if you're trying to kick me out. I'm not. I thought you had to go. You throwing me out, bro? No. I would never kick you out, bro. I could go for hours.

You throwing me out? Look, I got a book to write. Okay? You're the shepherd, bro. This shit's not gonna write itself. You gotta write the... I mean, you don't even have a script, a plot, a prompt. What if I told you the book's already done? You could dictate it.

You should dictate it. I mean, there's probably little sass fans out here who will fucking go to the end of the earth to write down your ideas. Or just get someone else to write it like everybody else. Take this down. No, I don't want to do that because it has to be always suck but you never know what they are like art of the deal yeah no i i want to write something myself personal project self-help book with curse words in it yeah yeah those are i mean there's like those fuck off the shelves and there there's full kiosks of them at airports and just all words that are all books with curse words in the title

i read like half of that uh the the art the subtle art of not giving a fuck yeah it's like the third highest selling book ever yeah it's a good book it beat out the bible and it's right behind Mein Kampf. But the Koran is still just goaded. Yeah, it is. You would love buying the Koran. There's one in every hotel. Unfuck your bitch fuck ass. Unfuck your bitch fuck ass could be it, though.

How to tell your fucking boss to go fuck his fuck. Gaslight your cunty husband. how to fuck your boss in the ass a book on how to get a fucking raise it's like 10 pages but can we but but those shits they sell they do people only judge books by covers yeah and nobody reads them you buy it to like look good. You can feel good about yourself at the airport. We should just call it fuck. Or like fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

Yeah. Something like that. Cause fuck's gotta be taken and same with fuck, fuck, fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Doesn't matter if the title is taken though, as long as it's better than that one. That's true. But like we just need to find whatever publishing company is just giving advice is just such bullshit too. I know. Cause everyone giving advice doesn just giving advice is just such bullshit, too. I know, because everyone giving advice doesn't know what they're talking about, bro.

No one does. See, a wise man knows he knows nothing. Write that down. And write that one down. And that's the book right there, bro. A wise man knows that his fuck cannot be unfucked. Exactly. Exactly.

Put that in a self-help book. Yes, bro. That's a shark tank. That's sentence fucking won bro alright let's get the yeah let's wrap it up alright thanks for listening guys we'll see you guys next week peace

I truly fucking love son of a boy dad listeners oh yeah check out the merch we just dropped two new sweatshirts yeah right photoshoot tomorrow oh fuck I forgot about that shit Yeah, check out the merch. We just dropped two new sweatshirts. Yeah. Right? Photoshoot tomorrow. Photoshoot tomorrow. Oh, fuck. I forgot about that. Fuck.

Shit. What the fuck are you going to do, bro? All right, guys. I do not want them to take pictures of us, bro. No. Maybe they could draw us. We should just hire a model. Ooh.

Or just Jake and Tyler. Yeah. Yeah, that would be good. Yeah, that would be good. Like, that's what the fucking chain smokers are doing right now. I don't like being the face of of the of the merch they're gonna be like is that what it's gonna look on me like on me too all right thanks guys check out the new merch peace