Son of a Boy Dad - Son of a Boy Dad: Ep. 40 - My Hands Are Filled With Oil

Episode Date: January 25, 2022

Son of a Boy Dad: Ep. 40 - My Hands Are Filled With Oil -- Sas & Rone discuss their times in Vegas, Philly, Long Island & Europe, the latest shows and movies they've watched, books they've read, they get to the bottom of a poop bandit case, make plans for the pod in LA, & much more -- Full episodes also available on YouTube -- Thanks for listening/watching!You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, Son of a Boy Dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. What is up, everybody? Welcome back to Son of a Boy Dad Podcast. Today is Monday, January 24th. It is 4.24 p.m. It is the 40th episode of Son of a Boy Dad.

Like Jay-Z type of shit. 40-40. Except for just 140. And that's on us. What have you learned over the first 40? Nothing. Dude, you have a booger that's dangling. It was like dangling.

Do you see what I'm talking about? It was like fucking flapping in the wind. It's the wrong nostril. It's the closest. I'm sorry, dude. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do it but it'd be better than what if you went the whole episode with that fucking confetti booger

just it was dancing out of his nose like a cigarette dangling on an old westerner's lip or some shit like that that shit was fucking flapping in the wind there what are you drinking monologue i'm drinking a slightly sweet pink black tea. Okay. Peach black tea. Bro, do you think that Sass would have come to Philly this weekend if I begged you to come as well?

Sometimes I feel like your Sass is a comfort blanket. I think he's more likely to go. But I don't know. He didn't come when I went. I know. We have to get him out of the house. comfort blanket. I think he's more likely to go. But I don't know. He didn't come when I went. I know. The week before. You know. We have to get him out of the house. Would you have come? To Philly this past weekend? You had that thing on Saturday.

Yeah. But, yeah. I mean, I'm down to do anything. I know you are. We gotta get him to be that way. Why isn't he? I don't know. He likes being broken. What's up? Dude. Whoever was in the fucking bathroom

needs to like be fired whoever was in the bathroom needs to be fired yeah that was the worst smell I've ever experienced you were in the bathroom

like I don't like dude the smell of shit doesn't bother me typically like if someone like took a shit but like that smelled like

sometimes it's thick. It smells thick in the air. Dude, it wasn't even that. It was like, I don't even know what... It smelled like someone shit and tried to cover it up with another smell. More shit. But that smell smelled worse. Really? Oh my... Dude, I was literally gagging in the bathroom. That never

happened to me. What was the second smell? Was it like a spray that they put over it? Go in the bathroom and smell. Alright. Like, disgusting. Which one? The private one.

Fuck, dude. Someone needs to get fired. Yeah. Like, if you're gonna do that, like, go somewhere else. That, like,

actually just ruined my day. Oh! Like, that's not normal. It's like hot it's like hot it smells you're prone to sensationalize it did smell hot it smelled like someone who was historically unclean took a shit in there like someone who was it smelled like someone like wrapped their asshole around my nose when i got in there so fucking gross and you can tell they're racist no i know it was i got an idea because i've been in the bathroom after someone else shit in the office and it It smelled so fucking gross. And you can tell they're racist. No, I know who it was.

I got an idea. Because I've been in the bathroom after someone else shit in the office and it smelled just like that. Oh, you could tell their brand? Like a dog sniffing another dog's ass? I remember that smell and being like, what the fuck? I'll bleep it out. I'm positive. I'm positive. Can you bleep it out?

You have to bleep that out Yeah Yeah We just did What? We bleeped it No we didn't No he did

He's saying he did But that's fucking That's crazy that Because That all It wouldn't surprise me Because it doesn't smell like shit It smells like

It smells like someone's ass You're right Like it smells like your face is in there. It smells like when you wear underwear for too long. Yeah. Or like, yeah, yeah. But not even just wearing underwear too long, because I don't think I could wear underwear for a year and it would smell like that.

Literally a year. Just foul. That was insane. Fired. They need to be removed from the office and brought to a hospital. They need their asshole amputated. Yeah. They need to have their asshole fucking cinched off with a fucking a hot blade i was in there trying to blow my nose and i was just like i couldn't i couldn't even like blow out because then i would have to blow back yeah you would have to suck in to have air

to blow out yeah they need to have their asshole permanently sealed up like a manhole cover so nothing can come out of it again i I'm not sensitive to that stuff. They should be buried in cement. Ugh. That ruined me. Because it is, it like, even the thought of the smell is lingering with me. Yeah, me too. Thinking about how bad that smells is lingering. Warm, hot,

hot smell. Alright, if we're going to bleep it, just tease, like, what kind of content do they do? It's definitely someone on the gambling team you could tell and if you look at the gambling cave yesterday and went through their everything that they ate you can kind of smell it out

you can kind of suss out what it smells like I've never taken a shit that smells even remotely close to that milkshakes Chinese food and Korean food dude I could eat chinese and maybe pet every day for a month and my shit would not even smell like a fraction of that that's it is yeah that's generational shit smelling i was gonna tell enrique like we gotta get something in there and like

spray it down yeah get police tape around the fucking bathroom it was historically it was thick it was a thick smell but it wasn't just poop it wasn't like a funny shit smell because it was like disgusting because this happened to me yesterday after i had a like we had a party and i stayed over and then the next morning i walked into the bathroom after someone else had pooped and then i tried to poop on top of their poop smell which is fine and gross a little bit but it paled in comparison to what i the toxic sludge that i just walked into a fucking ghost made of slime just fucking floated out of there and fucking coughed at how fucking rancid no i i 100 agree with what you're saying yeah the shit was bad owen do you want to want to go smell it yeah dude like shit it's probably getting worse actively

and if somebody's in there just wait and like fucking no no one is in there no one would go in there and purposely stay in there yeah it would take a superhuman or someone who's like fucking uh voldemort someone who doesn't have a nose on their body like if i had covid it would still that would still smell just as bad it could probably like shake people from COVID. Yeah. Like a smelling assault. It literally could. Wake you up. Holy fuck, that shit's strong.

Ugh. Gross. You got the booger, though. Yeah, I did. It actually came out on my way there. Yeah, but you saw how it was like I was doing you a favor, even if it was in the short-term embarrassing,

better than that than to have it dangling out your nose the whole time. Yeah, for sure. The internet would have had a field day. Oh, they would have loved it. They would have fucking loved your, they're preying on your downfall. I know.

I want to see you win though. And you are going to win. 2022 is going to be a fucking thunderous year for your ass. We'll see. Episodes 40 through 80, thunderous. It's crazy that after another year, we won't even be at 100 episodes.

I know. We might be. We need to figure out a way to do more. Yeah, we might be. Should we do episodes in Los Angeles? Alright. Ooh, Owen is light green right now. Bad.

It's not, it's like, it's bad to the point, like, he's not even laughing. Like, it's not funny. You feel it in your shoulders how bad it smells. It wasn't a funny shit smell. Duh. You feel it in, like, the back of your shoulders how bad it smells it wasn't a funny shit smell duh you feel it in like the back of your neck how bad it smells yeah yeah no one's gonna need to go to therapy after that oh i'd never have seen like it was a medical like i'm worried yeah they might since walking around the office you know how like dogs can smell covid like We might be the type of dogs that can smell a tumor

in someone's asshole. Someone might need their small intestine removed. Definitely hemorrhoids. Easily hemorrhoids, because there's a little blood to the smell. Oh yeah, moose knuckles. There's definitely a little blood, but mostly shit. And it's shit that's caked, and then just friction over it. It's not the smell of shit.

But it's historical ass-cheek friction over a fucking sheen of shit. It was almost like baby shit. Where, you know how like every baby shit, they're just so constipated. There's a real smell to it. I don't know, dude. I can't put words to the smell.

We'll pivot off of that. We'll pivot off of it for the people who don't want to hear about it. I just wish they could know how bad it was. Go grab some for the YouTube. uh who don't want to hear about it yeah i just wish they could know how bad it was we need to grab some for the youtube a scratch and stiff sniff episode oh just unleash it on a handful of the stink onto the mic but my question is should we do episodes while we're in los angeles even mini episodes or should we try to get a bunch of interviews and put them all together should we just do a regular episode out there well we're gonna have to do one out there

regardless we're gonna have to do one regardless there regardless. We're going to have to do one regardless. But like, how do we take advantage of the fact that we're going out to the Super Bowl and do something out there in Los Angeles? We'll think about it. We could get guests. Yeah. Yeah, I would say do the normal episode and then just bank

as much stuff as we can. Bank a couple guests. Short interviews maybe with guests. Yeah. I became close personal friends with Brody Jenner this past week. Maybe we could have him on. Oh, how was that? Maybe we could have him on. Yeah.

I think that it wouldn't be fucked up to say that I'm now closer to him than I am to my personal family. And I think he'd say the same thing. All night together? I think that he would say the exact same thing. Just a kinship.

Kinship amongst fellow fucking Cali bros. Are you allowed to say where you were? I was at Mamita's sales conference in Las Vegas where I spoke. I forgot you were in Vegas. Did you go out? Yeah, we went to karaoke. You didn't go to do anything cooler than that?

What? Bro. Strip clubs. I feel like we go to karaoke when we go to cities. I feel like karaoke's like yeah but not when you're in vegas what it was like it was ramped up karaoke they had a live band and everything like that oh fuck it was like live band karaoke that's awesome which was pretty fire you have to pay did i have to pay yeah no it was like it was they rented out the karaoke hall for their company oh it was like a like it was my meters yeah they had the whole venue of my meters people that's awesome it was it was awesome because it was like an episode of the

office where like you could tell that like bob from accounting was coming out of his shell for the first time to sing don't stop believing yeah that's hilarious it was kind of fire you would get a high five from like the ceo and shit like that you could tell it like made their year how was uh how was vegas i mean it was fucking it was vegas it just uh vegas is vegas you know what i the CEO and shit like that. You can tell it made their year. How was Vegas? I mean, it was Vegas. Vegas is Vegas. You know what I mean? You go out to Vegas.

How many nights? Just one night. Okay. One night in Vegas. That was probably better. Less than 24 hours. You know, I say that Vegas is a two-night city. Definitely not three. No.

Once you're there for the third night, you want to get the fuck out of Dodge. Thursday night, Friday night, leave halfway throughurday night spend sunday with the family of course licking your wounds yeah you gotta lick your run for your sins exactly no i was fucking i was in there i was in there quick we went to we went to goddamn uh what's that fucking restaurant that's famous in new york that carbone we went to carbone out there it fucking restaurant that's famous in new york that carbone we went to carbone out there it was nice bro everyone we're all giving giving speeches it was my first time with the mamitas team though so everyone's going around be like you guys are like fucking family to me nice nice and it came around to me that's awesome they like signed pop

punk for a year and i like told them earlier i was like i'm gonna i'm gonna win you guys some fucking grammys and they uh throughout the rest of the night like they were all like they included in their toast they'd be like this is a fucking family like we love each other rome we know you're gonna get us some grammys they were they were dead serious about it and uh don't you guys only do covers yeah i was joking completely but like two yeah and so even when i went up for karaoke they're like you have to fucking get up there bro fucking do something original for us it's like how am i how am i gonna do something original with this cover band that's that's intense it was intense but it was fun though i think that in another life i could have just fucking public spoke as like a CEO or

some shit. Yeah. Like the lady from Theranos. Or just like the face of multiple companies. That sounds like a fire idea or job. How do you get that job? I don't know. Just being the face of companies?

Like what Shaq does. Yeah. Yeah. Or- You would excel at. I would love to do what Shaq does. You'd be even better at Shaq. Cause he's like, not even that good at it.

People just like looking at him. Cause he's so tall. Stop fucking gassing me up, bro. What did I do to deserve this, bro? What's going on with you, bro?

What'd you do while I was in Vegas? I invited you to come to Vegas. Yeah, you did, but I didn't want to go to Vegas, but they didn't ID you at any point. And all I did was speak at a conference, go to a nice dinner,

then go out to karaoke. Yeah. That sounds like a sass night. That sounds like a fun night for you. Yeah, it does sound like that would be fun. You could have gone up and sung Rocketman. Yeah, yeah. People would have loved that.

That's basically your song now. I know. I went... I didn't do anything on Friday night. Stayed home, played a lot of video games. You've been crushing the VGs. Oh, I have. Big time. And then Saturday we went to Long Island.

Went to Owen's childhood home. Shut up. Met his parents. Fun stuff. What did you do there? Just grinding. Saturday content? Saturday content.

Bro, that's what I respect about you dogs. You're not about to fucking be slave to the nine to five now everybody else is checking out when the fucking sun goes down you're saying no i'm gonna re-up on saturday yeah and then i got uh we were waiting for the train oh this was insane yeah we were waiting for the train to go back to penn station from long island how is that ride terrible no it's on like a nice it's like on like a real train. And what is it? What do you mean a real train?

Oh, like an Amtrak type of? It's not like a subway, yeah. Got it, got it, got it. That's not bad. Yeah, it's not bad at all. It's closer to a subway than an Amtrak though. Really?

In between, honestly. Is it the one with like three seats across? Yeah. It's like all the seats are connected instead of like two seats on either side. But that's not bad.

No. It could be worse, but it's also not good. No. So you guys are waiting for the train? We're waiting for the train and there's like a cop car standing outside the, like right next to us

because train station's outside. And then all of a sudden the cop gets out and he's like, is that Lil Sass? He goes, don't tell me that's Lil Sass. He said that? What did your leftist ACAB ass say? It was the dude. You know him.

He's DM'd us before. He's going to send us those cards. PBA. Oh, and you actually ran into him? Yeah, and I had to take a picture with him. Shut up. But that's a quicker way to get the get out of jail free card. Yeah, he's sending them to us.

Why couldn't he just give them to you in person? He was going to, and then our train was pulling up. Oh, and you sending them to us. Why couldn't he just give them to you in person? He was going to and then our train was pulling up. Oh, and you have to fill them out a little bit. Yeah, he had to like get my ID and my name and stuff. And it gives like the checklist of crimes that you can get away with. Yeah. He was saying too, he's like we could put a little cess if you don't want to dox yourself.

I was like, I don't think that's going to work. Yeah, I don't think you show that to another officer. No, no. It'd be a lot more to explain. But I think Barstool, I think working at Barstool, it's almost more powerful and holds more weight amongst cops than being a pro athlete. Oh, yeah. If they pulled over Marshawn Lynch,

he wouldn't get to get out of jail free as fast as fucking KFC would or some shit like that. KFC, they'd be like, oh, what'd you do? Fucking ran someone over with your car? Like, get out of here. One minute, man. I fucking love your shit. I really think that cops love and respect Barstool.

Yeah, back to blue. You have to, bro. Let's make a sweatshirt for your guy. Let's make this guy a sweatshirt from giving us these get-out-of-jail-free cards. Because remember when I was in D.C. and I got the Homeland Security token? The medallion that I can just flash?

I don't know where that is. I should not have lost that. Also, it was because someone called the cops on us. We don't know why. I guess I'm not the fucking one that's always getting people in trouble. I don't know why. The dude was sitting... His car was parked there for like 10 minutes.

With you two and then you add Nick and K kb who's the wild card in that group none of us kb no barely barely nick no no barely is the opposite of a wild card yeah that's me i guess i'm the wild card whoops. But yeah, I don't know. He was like, yeah, someone called the cops on you guys. And I was like, oh, what the fuck? And then I was like, let's find them and let's kill them. Yeah, that's not cool at all. Yeah.

Unless they're recommending you for like. He was like, who gives a fuck? It's Garden City. Like, what could you have been doing? What kind of shit were you doing? Were you filming without permission? We're filming something that could have been tipped off as very bad. But we had cameras outside and we filmed it really quick.

So we were like... We staged a felony. But we were like... But we had the cameras there the whole time. So we were like, I don't think anyone's going to like think this is real. They're going to think it's part of like a movie or something. Right. But that was like three hours beforehand.

Yeah. So I don't know if... Maybe they gave your descriptions. I just wanted like the families on the side of the street when we were walking there or you just needed an opener was a big sass fan yeah yeah that could have been it too listen to the podcast big fan of the pod dude cops fucking love you yeah you are one of them you could have been a cop in another life i'm a golden golden child. Among the PD, NYPD. How old do you think is too old to get to enlist, to sign up? I don't know, 40?

They need cops now. I feel like people are quitting. People are old and are cops. I don't think there's any really... People are fat and are cops, too. People are girls and are cops. People are whole women and cops. You're a whole born woman and you're a cop. Five foot tall.

The cops in New York walk around in like baggy ass uniforms. And they're all like 400 pounds. It does look like the Island of Misfit Toys. I saw one guy running away from like six cops. Yeah. And it was just the funniest visual ever. They were falling behind like blocks. Yeah. Their ass cracks just the funniest visual ever. They were falling behind like blocks.

Yeah. Yeah. Their ass cracks out like they're trying to like pull up their pants as they go. Their nightsticks dragging behind them.

They're dropping their badge and their gun and shit. The traffic officers, the ones who just go around and give people tickets, those people, first of all, that looks like the most

miserable job ever. Yeah. And second of all, I think they must have just bought like a thousand uniforms all in like quadruple XL. And that's just like one size fits all because they all are wearing like the baggiest clothes i've ever seen yeah it doesn't make any sense and i think those people are different than the people who drive around in nypd pickup trucks and tow cars there's like

all different divisions and it's all basically traffic cops there's so many and they just wear tarps they've got like the smart car cop cars you know those ones are the tiny ass cars yes the little ones where it's like if they got in an accident everyone's dying yeah dude if there's like a there's like a street like two blocks away and the whole street is just cop cars that like are like abandoned no they're parked They're parked outside the station. They've been there for... No, there's a station right there? Got to be. I think there's stations all over the place. If a bunch of cop cars are just parked on a block in New York, I'm pretty sure

there's a police station nearby. No, bro. You think they're just all abandoned? I haven't seen them move ever. If so, you should get your little get-out-of-jail-free card and just try to open one up. Yeah, that would be awesome. Just open, open. I'd be like, I thought this was be awesome just open open i thought this was my boy's car it's like the white card and great gatsby yeah you could do anything with it you have been reading or you talk about the movie it's in the book and the movie um my buddy mike uh went to he like

fuck bro my buddy mark i slipped into leonard for a second there my buddy mark decided to uh in college he he like uh tried to open up the door of a cop car yeah he was wearing a wig actually oh really bring it all full circle yeah he was in a set wig he tried to open up the door and uh they saw him and uh they they asked him his name he gave him a fake name and they mistake oh yeah not it's both things like if he had just done one of the two things he probably would have been like only the stupidest people in the world to use fake names chill bro this is seth you're talking about bro don't come at seth bro but he went to actual jail for a night like act like not even

just a holding cell like actual jail like they like really truly fucked him over and put him in a penitentiary for one night that's hilarious holding cells nothing anybody goes with a holding cell i think he i think he said he cried when he got that's awesome so much like stop being a bitch that's hilarious. That doesn't surprise me at all. I'm surprised you've never been to prison. I've been to jail. Yeah.

Not prison though. But what did you have to go to jail for? Just like fucking bitch ass shit. Yeah. Like underages. Underages. You go to jail for underage? Like a holding cell.

Not like a jail. I guess that's so weird because like when I grew up, it got like completely decriminalized. So you would get like a fine at most back in my day bro they throw you in the fucking clink yeah but i remember when it got decriminalized like i was like a freshman in high school i think underage drinking yeah i didn't even know it got decriminalized yeah i was in there with like a tin cup fucking raking it along the bars. How long were you in there? Four hours. Or like a night. You slept there? No, but like

five in the morning. You're a felon. From one to five in the morning. Did you get fucked in the ass? It was my buddies that were in there, so yeah. They're like, wait, we're in here just us? I think me spending a night in prison could do me well.

I think so too. It would probably straighten do me well. I think so, too. It would probably straighten out your back. Just laying down on a hard-ass fucking jail floor. Do they give you somewhere to lay or do you have to stand the whole time? No, you just have to. There's like bars on the benches so you can't even lay down. They don't want you laying down. It'd be funny coming out of a night in jail with a six-pack.

Did you ever have to go to prison? Or a holding cell? No, why a six pack. Yeah. Did you have to ever go to prison? Or a holding cell? No, why? Just curious. No. I've been, like, same as you. Tickets. Never.

Yeah. Had to be anywhere. Never, like, actually thrown in prison. Like, grown. No. Bro, don't fucking. Do you have to go to court? This is mustard on my.

Oh, yeah. Definitely had to go to court. Court's terrible. I've done court. Court's not fun. I'm going to have to go to to go to court soon for what i'm not paying this ticket that they gave me for what for parking my car oh the one i told you you'd get i didn't get it until like three days after so i was like oh fuck i'm there and they're never gonna get the one you had to leave the podcast early for yeah i got a massive emergency i just got a parking ticket and uh and it's like a hundred it's like 175 dollars that's a year of my salary i don't know what the fuck i'm gonna do i'm not paying that shit they said like if i don't pay it they're gonna find my car and tow it i'm like

get good luck bro it's back in massachusetts yeah it's never bringing good luck finding that shit you're never seeing that in the bottom of the ocean. Yeah. I drove it off a dock. Yeah. I actually have jury duty in March. You registered to vote? Yeah. Big mistake. In this bitch ass two party system, bro?

I know. I'm sure Joe Biden really appreciates your vote, bro. I didn't. What makes you think I voted for Biden? Kanye. A Kanye boy as well Of course I did Of course we voted for Kanye Yeah

We're one of the million proud That was an easy vote Kanye Big Sean 2020 I remember when I went home to vote I got in so much trouble here You went home to vote? I went home to vote Because I wasn't registered in New York

So voter fraud No I'm registered to vote i went home to vote because i wasn't registered in new york so voter fraud no i'm registered to vote in massachusetts in a state you don't live in they were not happy with me who the boss man well he was worried you were one of the boss voting for the wrong guy yeah i was convinced that was why i was convinced that was why he's like i know what you're fucking he I talked to cops. Shut up, dude. I'm friends with a bunch of cops. I think it was because I was like... I just started working. I was like three months in. I'm friends with lots of blue people.

And I didn't understand that if you just don't come into the office, no one will notice or say anything. So I emailed him and was like, hey, not going to be here today. Went home to vote. They weren't happy. You piece of shit. Yeah. We're going to have to make it up by working on Saturday, six months from now. And that debt has been paid. Yeah, it has. You finally paid that debt. I'm always working, bro. I just don't stop. I was coming

up with ideas, bro. What would you say if someone asked you what you do how would you prove that you're working i wouldn't i would say um fuck you you're not my mommy so stop acting like my mommy all right uh i watched uh best movie i've seen this year it It was called The Last Duel. Oh, I've heard of it. I've never seen it. It's a pretty famous movie. Is it? It's famous? I watched it because I was like Damon, Driver, they're not going to say no to a

fucking script. A fucking sweet-ass script like that? They're not going to say yes to a shitty script. No. Wait, I didn't even put it together no damon and driver are the names of the two main characters in goodwill hunting mini driver and matt damon in this what the fuck are you talking matt damon and adam driver what the fuck are you talking about i'm i'm connecting dots that you wouldn't be able to connect dots with a driver

isn't that the bitch from uh isn't that the main character from uh goodwill hunting isn't that the name of the actress yeah oh it might be i actually read something recently like so you know that her she and matt damon dated after that movie yes yes and then he like broke up with her like on live television he did yeah like they were like how's like, how's, like, I think he was on like, I think he was on Oprah and they were like, how's your relationship? Blah, blah. And he's like, ah, I'm single now. And that was the first you heard of it?

Yeah. Oh no. She must have been heartbroken. She must have dated. I think they only dated for like a month, but yeah. That's fucking, that's, that's mean. Yeah, I know. That's bad communication skills from our guy Matt Damon.

I know. Are people turning on Matt Damon? They want, they try to, but then they rewatch Good Will Hunting and they can't. They can't bring themselves to do it. Because I like the fuck out of this movie and then I read the reviews and everyone's like, this movie was a flop. Like, this movie sucked. Well, that's critics, dude. They suck.

I fucking hate critics, too. Me too. I'm a critic of the critic. I watch the watchdog yeah uh dude there'll be movies that i watched that have like a five out of ten and i'm like damn this was good as fuck yeah some of the best movies are the ones where it's like flipped the audience score is really high yeah yeah you gotta look at the audience score yeah because critics are losers yeah because like they'll they'll watch like step brothers and be like the cinematography in this could have used a little bit of an upgrade right or the wall is

funny they'll watch licorice pizza and be like the guy did like a funny ass korean accent so we're gonna give it a fucking 10 out of 10 like shit doesn't even make sense it makes very little sense but all the movie had me thinking was like how gay it was to be a medieval knight like the dudes i mean i i've ripped off a tweet about it but just the fact that throughout the whole movie they're always riding into battle and they're like for the king they'll just ride down the hill on the horse just like for the king yeah and then they show who the king is and it's like this 15 year old it's always like a tardy eye like child who's just like has like a high-pitched laugh and like floppy bones

and like he's just like the last dude that you would ever want to fight for and they're just about respect bro it's like the king of New York yeah it's always a child it is and he's always a bitch and they're always like I do not serve any mad I serve the king yeah

and they'll fucking walk off and whip their fucking cape. It's a preposterous. And then I was like, do we do the same thing? Like, do Americans just go to war for, like, the president? No. But it's for the flag, which is also kind of gay. I don't think anyone's going to war with a president in mind. For the president!

For Biden! Imagine riding into battle for joe biden for biden yeah that would be pretty keep sacred his name brothers i can't fucking imagine it dude the dude just love the king or just they'd be like my lord come like kiss your bro on like his his fucking hand and be like i love you i love thee my lord or like there was a wedding scene in it where like to make the marriage official the priest kissed the altar boy on the lips the altar boy kissed the groom on the lips and then the groom kissed the bride on the lips like that was how they used to like this is a catholic wedding from the 1300s and they were kissing altar boys back then oh yeah

well that's not a shocker that's probably where the tradition began but it's been ingrained in them like i even my it's deeply rooted in the catholic church my naive ass thought that they just started doing no no that it's just been part it's literally a tradition i think it goes back thousands of years how do you think they pass it on do you think that they literally tell each other that they're like hey bro you know that you can actually like fuck these kids probably i i assume it's like a cycle like i assume like a priest molests a kid and then the kid becomes a priest and then molests more kids yeah bro they'll they have like genuinely that's what happens it must be because they won't...

In spotlight, I feel like... Is everyone coming up with it independently? I don't know. My theory on it has been that people who are raised very religious and maybe are gay and they don't fuck. But even if you're gay,

why are you... How are they all deciding to bang little kids? Somehow that becomes easier. In different countries. Maybe if they'll get in less trouble. Yeah, I guess. They don't get in any trouble. No, if they fucked a grown man,

they'd be like, you're banished from the church. Yeah, this shit's gay. But if it's a kid, it's like, oh, you're the fucking man. Let's make him Monsignor and move to Arizona. Yeah, yeah. One of the popes just got, like, in trouble. Like, the last pope just got in trouble for, like, hiding a bunch of cases, I think. Yeah, it's their way, though.

Yeah. They just sweep it under the rug. It's just the way they do things. And they just buy, like, Gucci flip-flops. You think a lot of priests were, like, bummed when Pope Francis said that it's okay to be gay? Yeah. They must have been. We couldn't use this information a long ass time ago.

We would have been fucking down at Club Med or some shit. Priests definitely go to the Vatican just for like a wild weekend. Oh, yeah. For like a romp. Are they allowed to get like fucked up? Yes. I think so. They can get like hammered and they do.

They must. They must get fucked up all the time. They just have unlimited blood of Christ around. Yeah. They're just sucking down blood of Christ. Like what else would you do? Munch on the bod of Christ. Yeah.

True. Munch on the bod, suck on the blood. Do you think they're just blessing all their food? Like just they order a cheeseburger and they turn it into the bod of Christ. Yeah, true. Munch on the bod, suck on the blood. You know they're just blessing all their food. Like just they order a cheeseburger and they turn it into the body of Christ. And then just snack on that. That would be fire. Bro, consecrate this Wendy's, bro. Complaining to Uber Eats.

I ordered Chipotle and I got the body of Christ. Yeah, yeah. Imagine if you could Uber Eats the body of Christ. Just those little. It'd make it so much easier than going to church. Yeah, true. I didn't even think about that. Dude, I'm done with Uber Eats.

Go puff the body of Christ. They were doing drive-thru during COVID. Yeah, they were. Oh, they would come through. They were doing drive-thru confession and stuff too. Who wants to confess so badly? And what sins are you ripping off at home like you're just sitting at home alone you got to do something real bad really bad dude it is great it absolution of sin the idea that you can be absolved of your sin by

priest is crazy in and of itself like the dude in this movie like did something pretty bad and he just like went to the the priest and he's like, do you know your Hail Marys? Can you say your Hail Marys? And he could just be good. Why are you done with Uber Eats though? It's such a rip off. Why? They're just jacking up prices? The prices are insane. I'm losing money by the second.

Your favorite meal you used to be able to get for $30 and now it's $60 the same meal. I truly feel that way. Yesterday I was hungry and I was like, keep in mind this was like lazy of me but i was like i'm gonna uber eats from a convenience store and just get a bunch of snacks because i didn't want a full meal and i wanted water seltzer and dude it was like $30 for like four things i did the math and i was like this would be $10 if I went in at the store. Yeah.

I just didn't do it. You just didn't get the things? No. Nor did you walk there? No. It is, you have principles but you maintained your laziness. Yes.

Being lazy was one of your principles that you were going to maintain. Yeah. Like, I'm not going to spend too much but I'm also not going to get out of my ass groove on the couch. No.

No, I wasn't going to. I was, yesterday I played video games for like eight hours straight. I was about to say, you worked on Saturday, so you kind of earned your Friday and Sunday video games. Yeah, I played for a while yesterday.

We didn't get one win the whole time. With the bros from home? Mm-hmm. Damn. Imagine if you never met them. I know. Damn. I guess it was God's plan, my brother. We were sucking. We came in second place like a hundred times. It was brutal. Might as well come in last i know first loser seriously there's no fucking sweet redemption and coming in second place nope there isn't sounds fun as hell i could hear him through the walls

what does he sound like they're just like yelling like 12 year olds at each other i go full i go full on when i'm playing you You call anybody the... Any gamer slurs? Yeah. You use gamer words while you're in there? Yeah. Obviously. That's why you do it. It's the most fun part.

You do it to get your gamer slurs off. Nothing as sweet as the gamer slurs. Look, dude, when you're playing video games, there's nothing off limits. You're like that dude Myers Leonard? I don't know. He's a basketball player who said the... yeah i know him k word for jewish people he said he didn't know he just didn't know he backs the blue i think if you back the blue there's some words that you can't stop being slurs i really think that they're not slurs anymore if you're back

in the blue it's kind of like no this, this is my culture. Yeah. A hundred percent. It's my culture to use words like this. Yeah. You actually can't take it away from me. That's appropriation. There's a, there was like an episode of workaholics where they're playing video games against like a cop. You ever seen that one? No. And the dude's just saying all the slurs.

Really? Yeah. It's so funny. See? Yeah. Dude, this is what the fuck I'm talking about. Yeah. What happened to the good old cops that were like Donnie Wahlberg and like Blue Bloods

and shit like that? They don't exist. Good cops. Good cops. There's only bad ones. Good cops don't exist. Especially that motherfucker who was trying to give you a card out in Long Island. No, I'm pumped for that.

That's going to be sweet. Doing all kinds of legal shit. Stealing. What would be your first thing? Murder. I don't think you have that fucking... I'm gonna murder someone and I'm gonna turn myself in and be like, it's all good.

Flash the badge. Soaked in blood. That was a senator that you killed. It's all good. I'm allowed to assassinate. Why don't you give my buddy a call? He's a cop. What can you actually get away with with those things?

Just like speeding? Smoking weed. Smoking weed. But weed's legal now. When I was in Vegas at the airport smoking on the way out, another time a cop came up to me. He's like, bro, are you smoking here? And he flashed a badge.

He's like, you know that's not illegal here. I was like, dude, I thought it was legal in Vegas. You finished off your joint? He was like, maybe at home. And I thought that he meant at home where I come from. But I think he's saying that you are allowed to smoke at home in Vegas. Well, yeah, I mean, no offense, but you really can't smoke weed outside of any airport legally. I'm going to keep doing it. I'm going to keep on doing it. I'm going to keep on doing it. Like you can't be sitting outside of an airport, like, slamming beers. Why not?

Because it's called public intoxication, bro. But you could do it in the airport. Yeah, at a bar, at a restaurant. All right, so we need a smoking bar. Yeah. I didn't realize you're Johnny Law. I don't have time for stoners today, bro. Sasquatch at law.

Sasquatch the attorney. You do know your law pretty well. I know I do. Got those fucking shirts in his ear. Youquatch the attorney. You do know your law pretty well. I know I do. You should become a lawyer. I feel like some people in here are just going to law school on their free time. Yeah, because they are. It's for

posterity. I know. People are just going to law school and not telling anybody about it. It sounds awesome because you can just not come into work here. Like you said earlier, you just don't have to tell anybody. And then you get enough money to pay for law school. So it's like going to law school for free. You probably get a little extra money you can pay your rent.

What even do you do with a law degree, though? I don't know what you would do with a law degree when you already have like a like if you're like a I don't know what you become a lawyer. You're just going to quit barstool and become a lawyer. have no idea and also what do most lawyers do are they just given advice like lawyers who aren't trial lawyers are do they just give advice all day or they got hired by like reviewing documents and stuff how many times have you used a lawyer in your life i've paid for lawyers sometimes and I'm always afterwards like, why the fuck did I do that? And then how many people do you know

that you've heard gone to law school? A lot. A hundred times as many? A lot. Where are they? What are they doing? I don't know. Like if shit doesn't work out for you, you can just become a lawyer. It's people who are pretty smart and just wanted to keep on going to school. They were good enough at reading books. I feel like all

lawyers have to do is read Latin phrases and make sense of them. Yeah. I don't really know. I don't know. I've hired lawyers to look at contracts. It didn't do shit for me. I've hired lawyers to help me when I got underage or whatever. It didn't do shit for me.

They didn't get me out of anything. They didn't get me any more preferential treatment. What about a lawyer when you got an underage or whatever it didn't do shit for me they didn't get me out of anything they didn't get me any more like fucking preferential lawyer when you got an underage charge was it a statutory rape charge no it was underage i was trying to get out of it it's like thousands of dollars in fines it's like they're they're like giving me this or that doesn't make sense actually that's not i had actually my roommate in college had to get a lawyer because he got pulled over going like 120 miles an hour. What is he, a fucking serial rapist? You're assuming someone's guilty as soon as they get a lawyer.

As soon as they get a lawyer, yeah. See me, I'm more like I'm more the kind of guy who would like cooperate with the station. I'd pay the fines. I'd pay double on purpose. You just said you're not going to pay your fucking little rinky dink ticket fine. I'd pay the fines. I'd pay double on purpose. You just said you're not going to pay your fucking little rinky-dink ticket fine. I didn't say that. He said you're not going to pay your fine for like... That shit's not getting

paid. I threw it away. You're going to fucking pay that fine. You love authority. I hate authority. I know. I hate authority too. You don't know how to express it. I know. I'm just lost, bro. You need a communications degree, it. I know. I'm just lost, bro. You need a communications degree, bro.

I know. What degree do you wish you had? If you had finished college, what would you have got a degree in? Like screenwriting. I'm already a professional at that, so. Honestly. Glad I didn't do that. You know more than those dumbass fucks that are your professors.

Stupid ass professors. Those people aren't smart at all. I don't know like imagine getting a degree in fucking finance finance oh i went as a finance degree what are you what were you what were you learning nothing dude i don't remember anything remember that kid at penn state who was like yeah i got a degree in golf it's crazy but. But I mean, that'd be sweeter than fucking finance. At least, I mean, I think jobs

like that, it's like a good fallback plan. If you have a degree in computer science, you can get hired like so many places. To just do like soul crushing work. Yeah. But you get paid a lot, depending on where you work. I guess, dude. I can't imagine like putting together like a mutual

fund or some shit like that i go this is one of the stocks we're carrying in our mutual fund some kid i know uh some kid i know didn't go to college and he taught himself how to code the summer after high school and then just got a job getting paid like 80k a year straight out of high school that's pretty sweet i know but also just coding looks like it sucks we have a new floor in this office and I walked around and some of the people on their computers they have like the prototypical like swordfish screen where it's like

all black and just the green writing on it and shit like that and they're just like writing in code all fucking day. Yeah, that would be pretty miserable. It's like, what are you doing? I think those guys get fucked up though. Yeah, I think they get like shit-faced on the job. They must must and just stay up coding all day career a lot of coke yeah career you said coke or code coke coke and code yeah it's the same

thing just one letter difference yeah it's like wordle what is wordle i don't know i don't play it me neither yeah you do i don't don't lie you do You think I would play without tweeting about it? Yes. Check the timeline, bro. You think I'm that humble? Is it just like you just guess words? I don't know. Is there any skill behind it or is it just luck? I don't know. You don't play either? Let's get a mortal expert in here.

I was too late on it so I just decided to hate people that do it. Yeah, it's really how you have to go. You have to either get in early and gatekeep it or get in late and just call everyone gay who does it yeah I finished

Fear and Loathing of Las Vegas last night let's go bro yeah you're on pace to do 12 books this year dude I'm on pace to do 24 you're on pace for 24 books I did 2 this month so you might be on pace for fucking 48 we this year. Dude, I'm on pace to do 24. You're on pace for 24 books. I did two this month. So you might be on pace for fucking 48. We're halfway through. Oh, no, we're in the back half.

We're in the back half. Unless I could bang one out in this week, but I don't think I could. All right. I could. Oh, I definitely could. Just don't know how I've had the time. I'm so busy these days. I know, bro.

Constantly busy. It's crazy. Clip this. Clip this. Clip this. Clip this. It's just fucked with how busy I am with work. Dude, I just like don't even have the time to read anymore, which is what I really love.

Because I'm working so hard, working on myself and my body. Let's do an ad. This part of the podcast is brought to you by Allbirds. Even though it will be wet and chilly in most parts of the country, running will still be a part of people's

lives trying to achieve their personal best. The Wool Dasher Mizzle, our weather repellent performance running shoe, is the first shoe of its kind. It's sustainably made from natural materials with a low environmental impact on the planet. Ideally, these reeds create...

Oh, fuck. It's all right, bro. You got it. You got it. No, I don't think I was supposed to say that part. No, it's okay. Keep saying it. Ideally, these reeds create excitement around the product and tap

into listeners' love of enjoying nature, no matter what the weather. Alright, cool. So, personally, I love Allbirds. Why the fuck would they put something on the fucking thing that I'm not supposed to read? Bro, if you read the titles, you would know this. What is this? Your first read? This is episode 40. Keep up.

Allbirds are the goats, though. I mean, I have enjoyed all the allbirds that I have slipped onto my body. But the wool dasher mizzle, a running shoe, I didn't realize that allbirds were going to that fucking extent. Yep. Look, I'm not the kind of guy to let winter storms put a damper on my run. Okay, I grab my pair of allbirds, throw them on. They're weather repellent. And personally, I like to go with the wool dasher mizzles from Allbirds.

I mean, they look good as fuck. They're sexy. They feel better than how they look. That's one thing I'll say about them. You wear your Allbirds out of the house, heads are going to be turning looking at you. Going, whoa, where did you get those? You will be stopped by cops and civilians alike being like, holy fuck, you look good as fuck in those Allbirds. And then I just whisper back, A-L-L-B-I-R-D-S dot com.

And then they know. They fucking know. Yeah, Allbirds are the best. They're sustainable. You fucking take good care of them and they'll take good care of you. It's about the footprint that you leave. It is.

If you know what I mean, that's a little bit of a double entendre that I'm throwing in there. I love that. You know what I'm saying? Very smart. The footprint that you leave behind this winter keep your feet cozy and dry with the allbirds wool dasher mizzles discover your perfect pair at allbirds.com today i like to tie my allbirds together and wear them around my neck as kind of a status symbol yeah a little bit of a

necklace pair on my pair on my feet and a pair wrapped around my shoulders. And damn, does this shit look good. It flies hell. God damn, does this shit look good. And they're sustainable. Can we talk about how they're sustainable? They're... I mean, they sustain. Yeah, oh, they continue to sustain.

Allbirds. In any environment. Allbirds.com, man. Why don't you spell it out for me a l l b i r d s.com a l l b i r d s.com.com allbirds.com get that shit bro get that shit you will not fucking regret it you won't oh no you won't oh no you won't but you know what you probably would regret though not coming down to philly this weekend bro yeah dude last week was long remember it was like tuesday and we were like feels like it's friday yeah i remember that last week was crazy how did it why was it so long

i don't know dude the weeks are just i need like a three-month vacation you know like a summer and i deserve it too well you just have been working so fucking hard you do you honestly do need one but i worry about your ability to reconcile the things you say and the things you do why because i feel like you're always like i want to get away i want to go out of town and then i want to like go and do something different. And then I'll be like, okay, would you like to come to Philly this weekend? No. Would you like to come to Vegas with me? No.

Would you like to come to Philly another weekend in a row? Don't go there. Vegas? There was no way I could go to Vegas. They didn't check my ID. Dude, I got automatically upgraded to first class on the way home. I had no reason to go. It was incredible.

The company wasn't going to pay for me to go to Vegas. I bet they would have. For what reason? To come with me for the podcast. Oh my God. Bro, I bet they would have. And this year we asked for permission not forgiveness. No, no, no. Forgiveness not permission. Well, which one is it? It's forgiveness, bro.

We're not asking for permission this year. They wouldn't have let me. Well, we're going to LA in like a week Two weeks And you're the one that's trying to not even go Like you're trying to bail I'm trying to get back for a concert Because me and my buddy Mike were supposed to go on a double date to this concert

He's experiencing things I'm trying to experience shit bro Experience LA with me for once Damn it I'm going to go out there on a Sunday I'm going to go out there early We're. I'm going to go out there early. We're all going out on Sunday. You cosplay as a hustler. I am a hustler.

I'm a hustler. We're all going out on Sunday. Not just you, bro. I'm a fucking hustler, bro. Check yourself before you wreck yourself. I hustle hard. I'm a hustler. You don't even know how hard I hustle. You don't know what goes down behind the fucking cameras.

Let's go to a crib-heavy neighborhood then. Oh, dude, that's too scary for me. I was out in Harlem the other day. You ever been to Harlem? Yeah. When? My dad's from there. When was the last time you were there?

I biked up there a couple weeks ago to see the projects that he grew up in. Yeah, boy, you weren't ready for that answer. Lies. I was there the other week. It's practically my second home out there. Harlem? Yeah. I love the food up there.

I was going to say food. I was going to say the diversity. The diversity is fire, bro. I fuck with the diversity so heavy. It's actually so diverse that it's not diverse. No, it's not diverse at all. Which diversity is your favorite? Diversity of thought.

Beautiful. Very interesting. It's a very interesting take. Let's deep dive into that. I love diverse. I love when people fucking argue about politics in front of me and I get to play right down the middle. I'll be like, you know, I really find that most of our country is in that 95 like oh yes very good point i do agree with you i need to i need another book to read bro tonight there's this one it's called my struggle really i was

gonna read uh it's this german book i was gonna read um i think I might just read another Hunter S. Thompson book. Another Fear and Loathing. Yeah. Or actually drugs. There's a motorcycle one is fire. Yeah. That was what I was thinking about reading. That was like listed as his second best

right under Fear and Loathing of Las Vegas. And then I'll do the rum one and then I would do the campaign trail one. Have you read all those? Of course brother. Fucking rip through those bro. Are you still at a time to leave the apartment? then i would do the campaign trail one have you read all those of course brother fucking rip through those bro you still have time to leave the apartment sometimes i'll read them in braille just

look dude i'm the kind of reader who like you shouldn't have anything else going on when you're reading because that's how absorbed you are in the book you'd be a danger to other people yes i'm like the kind of reader who has such bad add that i'll read this a page and have no idea what i just read and i'll have to go back because you're not into it enough that's why you gotta read at night nothing to distract you you think that's what it is yeah what about sports though well i don't fuck with sports at all that's why i need to move to the west coast so like all the sports end at a certain time out there you can get reading you need to move to the west coast strictly so you can start reading more.

I do. I can't read on the East Coast, dude. Shit goes on until like 2 in the morning. I've been on this new shit where I play a podcast and I'm reading at the same time. And I'm just absorbing so much information. Podcast in one ear,

music in another ear, and you're reading simultaneously as you eat and are sucked off yeah do you guys worry about that i feel like i need like three screens at a time at this point it's tough or i also like feel proud of myself when i watch tv one yeah like i've actually just watched tv without any distractions for an entire 10 minutes i feel real good about myself like watching a whole movie like that's honestly why i thought this movie was so good because like it kept my attention the entire time and i was like wrapped up in it yeah and because i had a plane seat that couldn't turn

into a bed and lay down the entire way how long is the flight four hours and like 45 minutes or something like that. Oh, this first class shit is fucking crazy, bro. I remember last time we flew together, you were first class and I was in the back row of the plane. No, you had to stand up.

I thought they strapped me into the bathroom. You would just be in the bathroom as someone else came in. They're like, Oh, I didn't know. Like, no, no,

it's fine. Just, I'm just chilling in here. Yeah, this is my seat, actually. Yeah, they disrespect you. That's why you need that sky prior. That's another reason, honestly, to just come with me on trips to start racking up miles.

Because it makes something that's inherently... Do I get the miles if I'm not the one paying for it? Yeah. Really? What? Yes. How does it work? It just goes under your What? Yes. How does it work? It just goes under your name? Yes.

No, because you're... You're leaving food on the plate, bro. No, because you buy the tickets yourself. No, I don't. Yeah, you use the card. No. When they book for me, it still works out as me getting the miles.

How do I get that to happen? You just have to have them... You probably have a mileage number. You just have to stay loyal to one airline and just keep on flying that same airline because it makes something that is inherently a shitty experience an uncomfortable experience pleasurable i love flying i don't know what you're talking about it's one of my it's one of the future imagine doing it recumbent imagine if you're fully prone laid down on your back i wouldn't like that at all i wouldn't fuck with that in the slightest bit

And you're just fucking What kind of machine were you in? It was a 777 Actually I have no idea But it was like a 242 So whatever that is Yeah, I don't know Actually it might have been 252

No, there's no 5 No, there is, I think. I'm not sure. You want me to check it out, brother? I would love to know. I'd love to know. And I want to build it. Bro.

And then destroy it. And put a little figurine of you in it. And crash it. And crash it down. And just simulate my death over and over. How crazy would it be if our plane crashed going to LA? The whole yak gone forever. I know.

I think about that every time I'm on a plane with these fucking... Big Cat Roan and six others. Yeah. Did we talk about that? That if we died in a plane crash with Big Cat, it would be like Big Cat dead on plane crash. Oh, no. Same with Big Cat and Dave. You were talking about that on the private jet.

Yeah, Big Cat, Dave, and... Yeah. And the pilot. Yeah pilot There would be no No one would have any idea what happened to you They'd mislabel me Shit, Rona hasn't been in any content lately The fuck has he been? I thought he was just boondoggling He died in that

I thought it was only Big Cat and Dave Took a boondoggle to the other side It would be like Barstool Found founder dead in plane crash along with eight others. Yeah. They would just mislabel me as a stewardess. Bro, as soon as Dave dies in a plane crash, I'm selling that pen stock. Hopefully we find out before everyone else knows. To buy?

No, no. So we can dump it. No, no. So we could dump it before everyone. I mean, the stock crashing would be bigger than the plane crashing. That shit would be way more calamitous. Big time. People would be jumping off buildings.

What? You haven't been dumping your pen? Now holding on to that shit. Viva. I'm buying every one I can. As it gets lower, I buy more. I buy, I buy, I buy. I'm actually in a tough spot because I

got in at $130. I put all of my savings into Penn at $130 and now it's at $40. But I'm still feeling good. Well, you still have your safe move. Yeah, we're going back up. Yeah.

At least you have your safe move. I're going back i know dave's got my back you were like a boiler room fucking traitor when safe moon came out no when safe moon came out i was like no that's i'm not doing that because i might let's talk about like why i didn't buy it yeah sure yeah because dude it was too hard to buy yeah i was like i couldn't even figure out how to buy it i'm'm like, there's no way anyone else is going to be going through this process. The entire office was together trying to buy it, and we couldn't. And somehow we were like, oh, but everyone else will be able to get it easily. We need Greer to wire us money or some shit. Yeah. And we were using foreign VPNs and stuff.

It was highly illegal what we were doing. I was using fake money. I mean, that's all it is. Fake money to buy fake money. I know. But it's the fucking future, all right? And you fucking pussies just don't understand that shit. People do not like when you talk bad about NFTs.

No, they don't. Which I get. I mean, they're like, you don't understand it. And I'm like, no, I don't understand it. Yeah, that's fine. I don't understand it. But I also think people making fun of NFTs are just just as annoying really i love you to an extent i just love when like this like the screenshot thing is my favorite because like they genuinely like get

mad yeah when people genuinely get mad anything that you can do to make someone genuinely rile someone up over something you know is like at least trivial yeah like getting people mad about their money is funny yeah at all times dude jack jack mac said that he wants to get down to zero cash by the end of the year only bitcoin huh i wish him luck dude i just can't imagine logging in one day and that shit's just gone elon musk just the server. Gone forever. It's trickling back today, but it's just, uh, Oh, you're in on Bitcoin? No. Yeah, you are. How much did you gotten it? A hundred bucks. Really? A hundred bucks of Bitcoin just as a little canary in the coal mine. See when that thing goes down. They pay me in Bitcoin now. They pay me in

NFTs of Dave. In Tommy Smokes NFTs. Yeah, Tommymmy smokes selfie nfts um i think he hasn't he made like ten thousand dollars off of that no i think he has i don't know they said that uh i thought it was just like buddha ben yeah me too i think it is and he's giving him ten thousand dollars yeah but buddha ben is rich with it now yeah buddha ben fucking is buying out like tables that fucking live you see they got that new uh like the new profile picture for the nfts yeah i don't or i guess that's just to make it more official it's like you can only use it if you have a real nft i think that's yeah i guess because the jack is a uh no jack's gone but he's a bitcoin guy though i know he's gone but like his uh well

he's not gone actually he still works at twitter i think and doesn't he now he just is using his the fact that he's not in charge anymore to like flame people yeah i think so he said the n word on twitter the other day i know and he just just out of context yeah and he's like what are you gonna do he just tweeted like fire me then bitch yeah he. Yeah. He's like, I'm not the CEO anymore. Arrest me, bitch. Freedom of fucking speech, bitch. Yeah, Jack's living. But he's off the BTC, bro. He's a Bitcoin boy.

Yeah. I never got into Bitcoin. I feel like I'm too far, too late. But then it keeps going up. Well, all last week it was going down. Yeah, see, you're definitely in on it. You wouldn't know this much about it. I just see people tweeting about it ad nauseum. it's just like my whole timeline is people being like it

fucking sucks to be poor or like you pussies are fucking idiots i'm rich as fuck it's only one of two things or people will criticize it and then the bitcoin people will be like well where were you when we were doing fucking great or the exact opposite thing happens you see that odell beckham got like paid in bitcoin or something like that but he got taxed on the fucking regular currency so he's wound up making like thirty thousand dollars total because bitcoin plummeted or whatever that volatility you know it's not it's not for some people no some people don't have the appetite for volatility i don't have the appetite for like the like the the amount of stress that it causes. I don't want all my money to be liquid, bro.

I want it to be solid. Yeah, that's why we're getting into real estate. That's why we're buying ghost towns in China. That is the quickest way to get rich, bro. Real estate. Real estate. Make money while you're asleep. Exactly, bro. What if I told you you could make money while you were asleep?

Ever heard of passive income? I need to learn of it please teach me i wanted to do a sketch a while ago where it was like a going up to a homeless guy and being like have you ever heard of passive income for the price of a cup of coffee yeah take that money that people are dumping into your i think there's like a service or some shit i used to hear that that dude uh david ramsey you know david ramsey he's like a service or some shit. I used to hear that dude, David Ramsey. You know David Ramsey? He's like a financial advice guy.

But I think that there's like a service where you take your extra change and they'll invest it for you or some shit like that. But I think this dude, David Ramsey, was like, that shit is dumb as fuck. Who's the dude? Is it Ashton Kutcher who's like the face of some day trading app? Acorn. Acorn, yeah. Oh, I think that's what it is. It is. That's exactly what some day trading app. Acorn. Acorn, yeah.

Oh, I think that's what it is. It is Inc. That's exactly what I'm talking about. Acorn. So like it rounds up your purchases. Like they do it like CVS and stuff where they donate to charity, but it'll just invest it. And then you make like $10 at the end of the year.

Yeah, I think that that's all it is. It's like a scheme for like, but I don't know if they take anything from poor people. Maybe they're just data mining poor people. They take things from poor people. Are they're just data mining poor people. They take things from poor people. Are they taking money from the poor people? I think everyone probably just ends up breaking even with all the fees, but they just get free loans.

That's true. They're taking your money in the meantime. Yeah. Yeah, I didn't think about that. Who, Acorn does or the people do? Yeah, Acorn is... There's something not right with Kutcher. Mm-mm.

No. Why would he be in on that? You know he's got an ugly twin brother? Don't we all? Buster? Buster Kutcher? Did he date Mila Kunis? I think they might be married.

What? They're married? A famously happy marriage, yeah. That's so crazy. You know, I heard that Bill Hader uh bill bill hater and anna kendrick have been dating on the low low low for one year straight i heard about that on the low low low i've never seen there were so many tweets being like being like okay so now i'm finding out that bill hater's not single anymore and he's dating anna kendrick it's like what like imagine giving

a thought like like what would you have done with the information? If he was single, you were going to make a move on him? Yeah. On Bill Hader? He is the type of dude. Incredibly famous actor.

Right, yeah. Great luck with it. And he's like a smart, probably keeps to himself, pretty funny dude. Yeah. But he's the type of dude who people would just be like,

oh my God, I never realized that Bill Hader's actually daddy. Remember when they did that with Steve Carell? They're like, oh my God, Steve Carell's actually daddy. Girls always think they're doing something when they're attracted to a not conventionally gorgeous person. And then they don't realize that they're flaming the fuck out of the dude. Wait, Adam Sandler's ugly ass is actually daddy.

Yeah, yeah. I also hate when girls refer to their shirt as she. Like, oh, she's looking good. Like she. Oh, she's a fun little number. She's fun. She's like, just because I guess I'm like a bitch ass curmudgeon, but it fucking gets under my skin to no end.

Did you keep up with the West Elm Caleb shit? That shit was fire. Yeah, it was awesome. What a crazy day. It was like a crazy 48 hours on the internet. They also like chased this dude off offline for just like participating in dating apps. Yeah, and then like they, but like it seemed like it got

reversed. Like everyone was like, oh, this guy's a fucking monster. He needs to be be he needs to get the fucking electric chair and then like 24 hours went by and people were like wait what are we doing here yeah because it wasn't do anything wrong it is truly preposterous but like he was like sending dick pics randomly right i think he sent a on a unsolicited dick i think he was like i want to get off i want to have like a more i think he was like i want to have a more like formal conversation and then he just like sent a picture of his dick i just think that uh sometimes women think that they have or just i

think a lot of people with any relationship that works out that people tend to be like that person was like a psycho piece of shit scumbag problematic like asshole and it's just like no probably just didn't work out between the two of you and like you don't need to put such a fucking heavy weight on like whether it did or didn't work out like it's not an illustration of his or your character it just didn't work no yeah also it just seemed like he was just using the dating and also the craziest part was in the video the girl like the i don't know who was the annoying ass girl that the one you the one where he's like she's like what does she say she's like the audacity yeah the audacity. Yeah, the audacity. The audacity.

Oh, dude, that riled me up. I could probably put that in here. Yeah, we should. But yeah, dude, in the beginning of the video, she's like, yeah, it's hard for me to date because I'm like six feet tall and I found this guy, he's like 6'4", and it was like, whatever, just add another one to the arsenal. And then she got mad at him for

seeing multiple people. You just said, add one to the arsenal and then she got mad at him for like seeing multiple people yeah you just said add one to the arsenal it is so people ah it's it is infuriating though no i didn't actually care i spent i didn't spend much time getting into that but i just thought the whole thing was interesting how quick people change their minds it's enough to get you a little bit riled up yeah it's just great it's just like a it's crazy how quick people are so, how easy it is for people to jump on, like, oh, this guy needs to fucking go to jail, this monster, and then 24 hours later,

they're like, yeah, West Elm Caleb's actually kind of a fucking beast. Yeah, it doesn't, it didn't. It's like, pick a side. It didn't even make sense why it was such a big story. You know what I mean? It was probably just the pairing of words like sing well. People just like, West El, Caleb. I would see it

enough where I was just like, what the fuck is this? I wound up reading a New York Post article about it. It's just something that people... I thought it was only a New York thing too. That's why I wasn't really thinking about it at all. But then apparently everyone knows about it. I wonder which West Elm he works at. Worked at.

Definitely got fired from his job. I also think that it comes- Which is fucking insane. I think it comes down to women are obsessed with West Elm too. Women will just want to go- I've never even heard of it. You've never heard of the clothing store West Elm? No, I thought it was a furniture store.

Yeah, I'm sorry, furniture store. Or it's like a home decor store. Yeah, yeah. You can buy a plant and silverware. Yeah. But women are always trying to go in West Elm. I think there was a child trafficking thing at the like the west elm factory a wayfair close though yeah similar type of things i saw something that they were what if it was just an ad hey dude it very well the whole thing could have been like set up because west elm's mark like

he's gonna benefit pay for that kind of marketing either him and west elm are going to oh yeah he's i bet he'll be in the high house and he home are going to oh yeah he's i bet he'll be in the high house and he's in a vlogger yeah he'll he'll be in the hype house in a week yeah or something like he'll just be like a dior model or some shit like that yeah shaking his dick around on camera whipping it yeah fucking windmilling it chubbing his dick up to fucking no end playing t-ball with it hitting grounders for little kids at the make-a-wish foundation yeah and that and dude then i saw a bunch of people on twitter people on Twitter when the point his picture got out. And they were like, ladies, this is who you were simping over?

He looks like a thumb. And of course, the picture's just a normal ass-looking dude. Yeah. But then some people are like, West Elm Caleb is daddy. Oh, yeah. Oh, he's a hot dude, for sure. Thick ass mustache. It's crazy.

Wish I had a mustache like that. And he said he low-key gives sad art boy vibes, LOL. He said that? Oh, I'm out on West End, Caleb. That was the message he sent with each of the Spotify playlists. Yeah, because that was weird. Yeah. I mean, he's definitely like a weirdo.

Yeah, he's a weirdo. He didn't do anything. It's like his game. It's like game. It's like game. It's like how Brittany Renner has game where she tries to like get guys, like that's her game or whatever. Like he just has, like this is his game of how he fucking tries to play this system. Like he's playing within these rules and he's just like playing at a higher volume than

other people. Yeah. It is funny how he looks exactly, like he acts exactly how he looks. Yeah. And he looks how the name sounds yeah like you could have police sketch drawn him yeah you could have called up your boy from Long Island and no hundred but he looks like yeah

he does you could have pulled it's very funny which makes me think it's fake if it is if it is a deep fake psyop like we need to start getting into deep fake psyops and like just take our shit to the next level speaking of we should have like bird dog Charlie or We need to start getting into deep fake psyops and like, just take our shit to the next level.

Speaking of, we should have like bird dog, Charlie or some shit like that where it's like, Oh my God, can you believe that bird dog? Charlie was fucking like saving, uh, the homeless when the fucking, I could do it too.

If you want, I could like sleep with a bunch of girls. You're a go to one, bro. You don't go, Owen, bro. You don't have to do that, bro. West Village, Owen. Let's do a live Bird Dogs unboxing if I struggle with this box.

No. Yes, bro. Look at this. Did I get a box too? No, they said you're not getting any this time. The thing about those is they look like khakis feel like sweatpants. Best of both worlds. Shut up, bro. These are fire.

Those are fire. Look at these. Oh, I think those are sweatpants. And they look like khakis. I've wanted a khaki that looks like a jogger so bad. Damn. Let's see the liner. Look at this liner.

Show me the money. Look, bro. You can wear it. You go balls right on this shit. Didn't they steal their guy from Lululemon? They did. But this is better than Lululemon. This is better than Lululemon. Yeah, you made it better. Lululemon wishes they were on some shit like that. Look at this, bro.

Oh, not the seersuckers. Yes, bro. The seersuckers. Is that underwear or is that shorts? Oh, no, I must have been confused. Okay, because the underwear is on the inside. Yes, but this could be like a bathing suit. Good find. Oh, man, they must know that I'm about to book a vacation because I'm about to be wearing this shit.

They must know we're going out to L.A. Yeah, oh, dude, we got to wear our bird dogs in L.A. Rubble. Bro, we have to wear our bird dogs in L.A. And you thought they were done? Oh, I love those. Bro, look at these jawns. This is a true jawn, bro.

Oh, Harry likes. All the jawn heads are going to know. Harry likey. This jogger, bro. Oh, God. They do not play around, dude. So they hit me with the flying wasps, with the classic seven inch, these guys, the flying wasps, the Tiger Woods, like W-O-U-L-D

and the fucking Wayne Regretskis, bro. Tiger Woods the Wayne Regretskis. Bro, they truly do not play around and that's why West Elm Caleb's. Shit, they hooked us up with the West Elm Caleb pack. Holy fuck.

They got the CP, the Caleb pack. Holy fuck, that's big. big i mean i think we could talk about them but the fact that we just showed them off is even more impactful that live reaction was all we needed honestly nothing nothing really nothing really sings like fucking getting the live reaction these bird dogs are are just truly level. They got the joggers. They got the pants because that's what's in season. But they made sure to bless me with this year's sucker. Look at that triumph, bro.

Are you cracking something? Yeah, elbows. Really? Oh, yeah. Is it because you've been using your ulnar nerves getting pulled because you hold your pinky underneath your phone? My book, bro. Is that what it is? Yeah.

No. But you also know that putting your hands up like this is like a quick way to build testosterone in your body. Yeah, you told me about that. Oh, bro. It releases it. Yeah, power poses. Ah! What were you about to say, though? You're cracking Elb?

Yeah, I was just cracking this one. I said that you can crack Elb. It's awesome. My shit don't crack. These bird dogs, they look good. They make your leg look good. They feel good. They make your whole undercarriage feel good when you wear them.

You're wearing the joggers. I mean, it's just a good-ass product from a good-ass company. And this is one of the best promos we've ever had. Go to birddogs.com enter promo code son and you're gonna get the whistle football for free shit no i'm serious i love the whistle football that thing is fun because you can't throw a bad throw with it yeah it always spirals nice and you hear a little whistle it's like oh it's actually like this. It sounds like a It sounds like an atom bomb

being dropped from the sky. It's a fucking familiar sound if you've ever been atom bombed. Birddogs.com promo code sun and boom

you're getting a free bird dogs football with your pair of bird dogs you will not take these things off i promise you ever ever i mean i would buy it for the name i'd buy it for the lining i'd buy it for the look i'd buy it for the feel i'd buy it for the football i'd buy it for the football i'd buy it for the fucking football bro being fully honest i'd buy for the football and that's just you being honest, bro. Have I ever told a lie? Little Sass is one of the most honest people I've ever met in my life.

I do not believe any of the allegations against him. Bro, I hope the boss man doesn't get hit pieced again, bro. I know. It sounds like it's coming, though. I hope it doesn't, bro. Bro. Business insider. Come on, bro.

Don't do it, bro. Bro, I want Julia Black on the podcast, and I want an open conversation. Seriously. Between me and her. Record everything. She can film it. We can film it. Yeah. She can film it.

As soon as I saw his tweet about that there's another hit piece coming out, fired up the pizza oven. Oh, I went right to Walmart. I went right to Walmart. Lowered it up on one bite pizzas. I bought as much. And I sent money to my family members who live in states where it's harder to get. I was like, buy as many as you can. I don't care how far you have to Walmart. Lowered up on one bite pizzas. I bought as much. And I sent money to my family members who live in states where it's like harder to get. I was like, buy as many as you can.

I don't care how far you have to drive. I said, shut up and just fucking get some. Yeah. We're getting back. And their entire freezer is completely stocked. And we're going to cancel cancel culture. I actually had it. It's good.

It is. Yeah. The pie. I made it. My mom bought one. Did she? Yeah. And I made it when i was home alone

i ate the whole thing really yeah you're a fat piece of shit i was so fucking hungry that is very gluttonous i know but it was actually i was i was working so hard that day on a sketch and i forgot to eat you ever get you ever work so hard you forget to eat all the time no never what do you mean never i mean i see you eating constantly when every day when have you ever seen me eat whenever we finished when you finish filming frank soda reviews and you ask if you can polish it off i have wanted to like ask for a sip he in two sips of soda finishes the whole thing it's incredible yeah it's not i mean with a straw though it's not that surprising you ever go out to dinner when you're younger but that's with ice in it because the ice suck it down

terrible straw or just straw in a bottle without burping at all like it would give me like if i drink like some seltzer water really fast i'll have a thunderous burp it'll like clear everything out i could clear the savannah after every meal with the way that i fucking burp on some Lion King shit. I live for the burp. I die for the burp. But even when we go out to eat, I make sure that I eat last. I make sure that everybody around, all the dogs eat first.

I make sure all the dogs are fed and I'll fucking sit with my full plate and I'll make sure that nobody's hungry, that everybody's gotten their thing and then I'll eat last. I feel that. Bro, that's what a leader does. That is what a leader does. Our boy Jake was in the hospital last night.

What? Mm-hmm. No one was going to tell me? He died. No, he ate peanuts, and his little immune system couldn't handle that. No way. So he's trying to— His cute little digestive system rejected it.

No way. Yeah. I could tell something was off. I know. I could tell he was kind of... He's all quiet today. ...begging me to ask him if he had recently been to the hospital. Yeah, yeah.

Everything all right, man? He's got that stupid look in his eyes. Just emotionally. He has that overinflated face where you just had a bad reaction to peanuts and you're swelling up a lot. Yeah. I saw it all over his face. All right, bro.

He had to get steroids, which I was jealous of. I was jealous of that. And he got morphine. Right? No. Or no, he got steroids and like just fluids, I think. Yeah. Not morphine.

I don't know why I thought it was morphine. So fucking stupid. Such a fucking idiot sometimes. No, bro. You're not, bro. Don't say that about yourself. You're wise beyond your years. Morphine is?

No. No, you're wise beyond your years. Oh, I am. Morphine's yourself beyond your years morphine is no no you're wise beyond your years i am morphine's also beyond your years though i'm only i'm only 20 years old but my mind is older he was born in the darkness bro i'm about to be 21 i know it's gonna be so sick i know in like three months shit is happening so fast this last year bro never forget it one of my best it really was bro was it though i think this was One of my best. It really was, bro. Was it, though? I think this was one of my worst.

Definitely. It was your first time ever experiencing success. Yeah. I've been experiencing success my entire life. In what way? Every way you could imagine. But not metric-wise. No.

The podcast was awesome. That's what I mean. This is the first time you've been able to put a metric to your success. To measure yourself against your peers who work so fucking hard. The podcast amazes me weekly as we talk every single week. We're constantly growing. Is it hot in here? Because I'm sweating my ass off.

No, it's not, bro. You might have the fucking... Fuck. You might have long COVID, bro. I got the fucking flu, bro. Shut it down. Oh, fuck. You got the mill flu. I'm so hungry. People claim... Can I get some steaks after this? Do you want to?

Yes. Is it time for my treat again? Yeah. No, I'll pay this time. At the live show, you were buying drinks for everybody, and it made me proud. I was like, damn, Sasquatch is fucking growing up. What live show? Oh, when I bought drinks for you and your wife? Yeah. You're like let me get this round let me get this you guys bought the

entire round of drinks at the last place i know that's what i mean you're like a younger sasquatch when you were less mature and you had less success less worldly success and you weren't making money with your little side ventures at the comedy cell or whatever you're doing that younger sasquatch wouldn't have been fucking throwing money around no he wouldn't um were the first like six months i was here i didn't pay for one thing kb would buy every single thing for me why i don't know he just refused let me pay huh and now you make significantly more than him was grooming me yeah he was yeah he like got off on it like i i owed him a favor. Which was sex, of course. There's no such thing as a free lunch.

Have you heard that phrase? Yes. And that's basically what he was buying from you. Yeah. It wasn't free for you. It cost you everything. I know. Everything.

It cost me my life. Everything. Dude, when I was at this wig party, I got a fucking video. I'll show it to you. Are we done with ads? No, we have another one. We have the wood ad. Fuck.

Love wood. Yeah, right, bro. I got to take my sweatshirt off. Suddenly I'm overheating. Dude, you look like shit. I'm sweating in my legs. You're wearing a sweatshirt under a sweatshirt. I know, I know.

It just caught up with me. That's on you. You are double sweatshirted up. Oh, shit. I was shit-faced drunk, and they were just, like, handing me fucking celery sticks, bro. Really? I was crushing celery sticks. bro. Really? I was crushing celery sticks. Which is raw?

I need to give you... You were off your ass this weekend? I was off my ass, brother. Let me find a fucking... Is that why you were calling me at like 4 a.m.? Bitch, I was not calling you. You called me like 70 times. Is that why you asked me for a Coke dealer?

Oh, Roan. At a low moment. Oh, shit face, bro. Look at all the celery that's coming out. Bro, why didn't you, you were at a house. Why didn't you just eat some real food? We, oh, bro, because we had an excess amount of celery. Bro, look how much celery I put down.

I'm so hungry, dude. Like, that's making me hungry. Celery sticks. Dude, what, look how much celery I keep on putting down. I woke up the next morning and I had soft celery in my fucking pocket. You were drinking some Rolling Rocks? I was drinking Rolling Rocks. Bro, what do you know about Rolling Rocks?

You ever have one? Yeah, out in Brooklyn. Bro, multiple people giving me celery, bro. Oh, he's throwing up now. Oh, bro. I went to go yak the fucking celery, bro. I fucking played, though. You had Rolling Rocks in Brooklyn? Yeah. I think Rolling Rocks might be a, bro. It fucking played, though. You had Rolling Rock in Brooklyn?

Yeah. I think Rolling Rock might be a Pennsylvania team. Good beer. Great brew. Great brew. Very fun. I think it's a pale ale. Yeah.

It was fun, though. Wait, what were you doing drinking it, bro? You know you're going to get us thrown off the fucking network if you keep on talking about drinking alcohol. I know. They're going to be pissed. I'm almost 21, and it's like the law in New is like you kind of just have to be close to 21. Just be around 21.

Yeah. It's just a general. Only hang out with people who are over 30. It's the only way. Owen, is there something you want to tell us? What if Owen was secretly old too? Yeah. That shit would be embarrassing.

Owen's never going to get old. I'm getting hot flashes right now. Bad. Because you haven't eaten all day. I know. Like, I'm sweating. Why don't you just start eating? Why don't you ever eat?

Why don't you ever fucking eat in your fucking life? My hands are filled with oil. Have I ever told you guys that story? No. Oh, dude. This is a funny story. There was this kid in my... I'll be the judge of that.

When I was in Europe in high school, there was this kid in my class who was, like, a funny story. There was this kid in my- I'll be the judge of that. When I was in Europe in high school, there was this kid in my class who was a little off, and he kept to himself. Was he Neurodive? Yes. Neurodiverge? Yes. We went out to a restaurant, and the meals that we had would always be pre-planned. We'd all eat the same dish, and we got just chicken and mushrooms and some sauce. it was not good what country in europe were you in this was in italy italy i

believe a marsala dish perhaps perhaps it was a marsala dish and um and no one want i hate mushrooms mushrooms is like my one of my two no-goes which are mushrooms and zucchini really yeah and and so i didn't eat any mushrooms i'd say the chicken around it and then it started it seemed that i started a trend everyone else was just eating their chicken and not eating their mushrooms not because they liked the chicken but because they wanted to follow the example that you exactly and then this one kid he wanted his mushrooms and he was taking the mushrooms off everyone's plate being like are you guys gonna have those and we were like no so we would take them and put them on his plate which

was fine and i look over and he's eating them and it looks like he had he did not want anything to do with eating these mushrooms but he just had like a mountain of mushrooms and he was just shoveling them in his mouth and he was like disgusted like it looked like his mom was like forcing him to eat them but like no one was making him eat them but he just went out of his way to get them all and he was grossed out and he was disgusted just shoveling the mushrooms into his mouth and then like an hour goes by and we're sitting on the train and he's like i feel so sick and then and then like we're sitting on the train for a while because there's like a 45 minute train right back and he's standing there he's like he's like my hands they're filled with oil and then he got back to the hotel and he was like

throwing up projectile for like 40 hours straight oh my god what does that mean from the mushrooms i don't know the oil was coming out his hands he was like my hands are filled with oil because like our what's a truffle is like a truffle a mushroom or some shit like that or like is it truffle oil like uh truffle the dessert or truffle the like truffle the flavor like a french fries like truffle flavor french fry truffle oil that type of shit i like truffle sauce like you know the hot sauce truffle brand okay that shit is good but i like truffle fries but maybe there was like oh dude i'm so. All right. Keep on riling yourself up. I need some truffle fries.

How much do you weigh right now? One thirty. I could tell. You look like the. Am I looking limp biscuit right now? You look like the pianist. You look like Adrian Brody. My hands are like shaky, dude.

I haven't eaten anything today. You look like the machinist. My hands are shaky and I'm sweating. You look like Jesus Christ after he was ripped off the cross shit well he looked sexy there he was shredded bro now i wish i looked like that why wouldn't jesus get fat if he could just turn food into more food dude i can't start i can't keep talking about food i'm like shockingly hungry really shockingly bro what's your favorite food to get at the mall cinnabon auntie ann yeah i like the cinnamon ones cinnabon those things are good auntie ann pretzels or cinnabon

oh auntie ann they didn't have cinnabon where i was from really have you ever had cinnabon dude i went to the mall yeah recently okay i was home devastating you've ever been to like a small mall recently it's pretty empty huh it's huh? It's like dystopian. Yeah. Malls are, I mean, it's Amazon. Yeah. Amazon fucked them. It's just crushing any type of retail sales.

The only stores that are like still going are like Walmart and Target. And yeah. And that's probably just because they're the overlords over there fucking paying people like $2 an hour and just like forcing stores to stay open. Like, yeah, target was still like packed but like I went over and I went over to like where the movie theater was and like Spencer's and the comp what is the comic

one comic Newport comics uh-huh so what it's called I don't know I don't know if we have that Newport sounds localized to New England maybe Rhode Island or some shit or comics I feel like that's what it's called I don't know I'd be wrong um they've got like weird they've got these like weird ass like game like like they got like fucking uh what are the games you like lock yourself in fucking rooms escape

rooms escape rooms they got like escape rooms and like jungle gyms and like no one's in them it's super depressing yeah that's tough i don't know what's gonna happen at malls and the only people you see there are like these emo little kids all with like blue hair not even old people? no not even just old people walking around? I think I'm having like a fucking stroke right now dude you're that hungry?

I don't know like my face is now cold that'd be hilarious if you had a stroke on camera if I died on camera keep it going yeah let's keep it rolling not even just the show like

in a bigger sense we're gonna keep the show going yeah like we're not about Not even just the show. In a bigger sense, we're going to keep the show going. We're not about to just stop the show if you die. Nick was great. I shouldn't have smoked those fucking cigarettes the other night. Did you have some ciggies? It's coming back to bite me. What kind? American Spirits.

I bought a pack of cigarettes when I walked home by myself and I was just handing them out to the homeless people. Really? Yeah. Robert is one of their names. Then I caught Sass burning down. Ciggy in bed? Oh, no. I was smoking handing them out to the homeless people. Really? Yeah. Robert is one of their names. Then I caught Sass burning down. Siggy in bed? Oh, no.

I was smoking Kajish. You had some Kajish? I did. How was it? Awful. Where'd you get it from? I bought it myself. Where at?

A drug dealer. Yeah? Yeah. You want to know his name? Kind of. Pablo Escobar. No way. No, I bought it.

You can just buy it at the store now, I guess. Yeah, it is crazy. Just go into CVS and you're like, hey, do you guys have weed? And they're like, yeah. And they bring out a massive bag of weed. It doesn't make any sense that they just do that. Dude, I was trying to think of what to say when I went in. Like a cool way to say that you want weed?

Yeah. And I went in and I was about to go, hey, do you guys have any pot? And I'm so happy I stopped myself from saying that. What did you say instead? I said, do you guys have any pot and I'm so happy I stopped myself from saying that what did you say instead I said do you guys have any pre-rolls excuse me good sir do you happen to have some marijuana hey you just got any pot they would have shot me in the head you would have felt uncool but it's also like imagine the people who are just buying uh pot from stores in New York like it's there it's probably people who are asking the same type of shit it's probably

not people who are really cool about how they ask no any dude any store in new york they just sell weed like any store i went to home depot the other day you can go to tiffany's they'll sell weed it'll be high end and expensive but i still would use it which brings me to our next sponsor wood introducing wood a new men's grooming line offering products across hair, body, beard, and shave. With Wood products, you'll look your best, smell your best, and feel your best. Now all you have to do is live your best. Wood is for the guy who knows that his best life doesn't just come to him. He has to go out and find it. Damn, they got some good shit at Wood. They got Summer House.

They got Golden Hour. They got Fresh Tracks, which has beautiful notes of oak moss and pink pepper. Oh. Pink pepper it has notes of. That's nice. That's one of your best smells and one of your favorite smells. One of your best smells and one of your favorite smells. And it will leave you nice, clean, and beautiful feeling on the inside and on the outside.

And you will be smelling the opposite of that bathroom that we talked about at the beginning of this episode. That was so gross. Don't remind me. Yeah, that could hurt your appetite if you just think about how nasty it fucking smelled in there. Dude, all I'm thinking about right now is just running over to the kitchen after this and just getting something to eat. You're probably going to have some fucking popcorn or some bullshit. I want to get food. Yeah, you are a hungry little bitch.

I'm so hungry, bro. You got to let the hunger drive you. All I had today was a bagel. You know, Rogan does fasted workouts, bro. He'll fast before his workouts. I don't get how people do that. Fast before their workout. I have a worse workout doing that. You have a worse workout when you before his workouts. I don't get how people do that. Fast before their workout. You probably have a worse workout doing that. You have a worse workout when you only eat meat.

You don't have any fruit with it. You gotta have the fruit. He's doing meat and fruits now. Yeah, he's doing meat and fruits. But he said when he only did meats, he said his workout was a little flat. Not surprising. No carbs. There's carbs in fruit.

Yeah. You need carbs for energy. Oh, you... If Rogan had you on his fucking show, he'd know things like that. He should have us on, dude. It's he's he's losing money actively not having us on. Speaking of what? Tease it.

What? We're going on Rogan. Yeah. Did you see that email? Yeah, that is fucking crazy. I know. I'll do it. Yeah.

I just don't want to embarrass ourselves. I just don't want to get canceled by like the fucking I don't want to embarrass ourselves I just don't want to get cancelled by like the fucking I don't want to have 600 Spotify employees coming up and being like they signed a petition so they can't go on

Joe Rogge's I know I mean we we're gonna say some fucked up shit on it I know but it's like how deep in the episode

can you say fucked up shit and people don't care and if we go less than three hours doesn't it wouldn't it be like not going on at all? Like if you don't get into that. Dude, Bert Kreischer did like six hours.

Because Bert's the fucking goat, bro. Because Kreischer can fucking talk. Shop Wood. I'm crashing hard. I'm crashing and burning. Get Wood. My body's vibrating. Getwood.com or your local CBS.

G-E-T-W-O-U-L-D.com or at your local CBS. Bro, how do you not have any... I think he's dead. How do you not have energy if you had a bagel? Bro, I need some like Tostitos or something. A bagel's all carbohydrates.

Diet Coke. Stat. I had a bagel at 12 o'clock. It's six. It is actually. Fucking starving Alright I need a steak

Get me a steak Yeah we need to get this boy A porterhouse Bro we're gonna eat So good in LA Something's not right Let's go to Boa While we're in LA

Yeah we should Let's go to Boa And run it up Let's go to Ruth's Ruth's Chris? Yeah For your next birthday? Yeah We'll have a birthday Every week for you Remember that good ass cake We got at Ruth's Cake and steak bro run it up let's go to let's go to ruth's ruth's chris yeah for your for your next birthday yeah

i have a birthday every week for that good ass cake we got at ruth's cake and steak bro that's how we eat god damn that was good we should open up a restaurant called cake and steak bro am i pregnant why am i having cake cravings right now you are having crazy crave you're having hot flashes and it might be menopause actually. No, the hot flashes were crazy. I know. My legs are so weak right now and now I'm cold. This sounds very menopause-y. I know.

Are you a six-year-old woman? I might be. That'd be sick if you were. It would help our diversity of body, not just diversity of thought. I know. We need to get some girls on the podcast. I say that all the time. No, I always say, I'm like, hey, we need to get some girls on the podcast. And you're like, I just don't think girls are funny.

And I'm like, dude, it's 2022. I said I don't think they're sexy. I actually have a girl guest who wants to come on who I think we should have on. Allie Makovsky. Okay. She can come on. She's very funny. She can come on. In March. Alright, alright. Well, we're kind of slammed

for March. I know. That's the problem. We have a lot of dudes coming on in March. All right. All right. Well, we're kind of slammed for March. I know. That's the problem. We have a lot of dudes going on in March. Are we? Yeah, for the. Oh, fuck. That's then? He wants us there for like two weeks.

We said we could stay at the compound. He just wants to play with us, dude. Well, he said he's working out this. We're not even just like going on the podcast. He wants to like he wants us to offer him our bodies. I've heard that he's so much more raw when the cameras turn off. I heard the kind of things he say. I heard he talks like a cop

when the cameras are off. He talks like a gamer cop. He says the things that people won't say. He tests people's antibodies before you go on the show. I know. He's like, I don't listen, bro. I'm going to go on and there's going to be zero antibodies. Yeah, your immune system is non-existent.

Damn. You look like you got an antibody. Bro, I'm going to have to get airlifted to the hospital as soon as this ends. I know. You're feeble and weak, bro. All the color is draining from you. Look at your shake, bro. You look like you're doing the Harlem Shake. Do the Harlem Shake.

Why am I so pale? You're not good at pretending to shake your hand. That's not pretending, dude. This is what my hands actually look like. It's time for the percolator. It's time for the percolator. Damn, bro. I'll try and keep it still.

I swear to god dude My mom wants me to go to the doctor for it Michael J Sasquatch Alright let's call it I gotta eat I'd give you a handshake but Your hands are already shaking brother Hell of a job man

How far did we go? A long time Hour 35 With some cuts God damn, dude. No wonder I'm hungry. Can't stop grinding. You're not built to talk, bro.

It's like preparing for a marathon, though. If you want to go on rogues and talk for six hours, you're going to have to build up to an hour and a half. You're going to have to have some food before. And then you're going to build up to two and a half hours. Especially with the cigars, bro. All right. Thanks for listening, guys.

Make sure you guys, if you're listening on Spotify, just click that five-star button. It's very nice and easy. I do it every day. It really helps our standing amongst our coworkers if we have a better rating than them. If we feel better than them, we can get raises. It's very important

to us. Also, buy some Boy Dad merch. Buy some Boy Dad merch. Buy some Boy Dad merch. And... Give it a thumbs up on YouTube. Leave a nice comment. 100,000 subscribers would be neat. That would be awesome.

I know, but what are we going to bag out here? What are we going to suck? Yeah, we'll put out some content. Yeah, yeah. Alright. See you guys soon. Peace.

Oh, man. Harry needs a snacky. Harry needs a snacky.