Son of a Boy Dad - Son of a Boy Dad: Ep. 51 - Sas Returns Home (BONUS)

Episode Date: March 25, 2022

-- Bonus episode from a room with padded walls -- Full episode also available on YouTube -- ThxYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, son of a boy dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. I'm good to go. Three, two, one. All right, you guys there? Yes, sir. All right. What guys there? Yes, sir. All right.

What is up, everybody? Welcome back to Son of a Boy Dad Podcast. Today is Thursday, March 24th. We're doing a bonus episode, hopefully, if it works. We have some audio issues, but that's fine. We're doing a bonus episode because we felt bad about our last audio issues. We're doing a bonus episode because half of us are clinically depressed, and half of us are still in New York.

We'll let you figure out who's in which category. I'm in a padded room. No sharp objects in sight my parents shipped me out here feeling really good believe it or not roan's actually the one that's not in new york yeah oh yeah i'm actually on a fucking bluff in colorado right now You see that beautiful vista view behind me? It's the middle of the night here. Time zones. But man is this fire crackling. I wish you guys could smell it, man.

It smells so fucking good, man. That natural fire smell. Yeah, it might stink up my sweatshirt, but you know, I fucking love the outdoors. Let me tell you, man. Time zones are a funny thing. Some people like them, you know. One place it thing some people like one place it's light out one place it's light out one place it's dark that is fucking wacky dude it is probably fucking a funny thing a whole different month out in dubai

right now dude so do you want to tell me why why um i feel like you should be a little bit serious off the top of the show and just be like, hey, this is what's going on. Yeah, I mean, I guess. Basically, it's been building up my hatred for New York, and then I eventually just snapped and packed everything up and said I'm going home, which probably won't last long. My parents didn't really seem thrilled when I told them I wasn't leaving on Monday,

so I'm probably coming back on Monday. What, your parents want you out of the house? Do they have fucking to do or what? For my final days, I'll be back on Monday. Really? Wait, so you're just going for the weekend you didn't even have to tell anybody no i i wasn't planning on it i really don't know what's gonna happen i ideally would like to not be back in new york on monday but you know

not really anywhere else to go or there's everywhere else to go literally anywhere else in the fucking country is a viable option for you right now. Yeah, I also don't want to get fired. They're not going to fire you. They're going to fire you for having mental health? That's probably a way to get promoted in this company, to have a mental health problem. Everybody in this company takes time off for mental health. to have a mental health problem.

Everybody in this company takes time off for mental health. I was thinking about starting a mental health podcast called Friend of Harry. Friend of Harry would crack. But would it be different than this? Or would it be like a because I said so, Mean Girls type of thing? Where I'd be content Kim and you'd be cheating on me with whatever your

depression or whatever it would be very similar to that believe it or not dude but almost identical what would you even say in that podcast can't we just talk about mental health in here yeah i don't really have anything to say like that's that's the thing like i have a bunch of like inner terrible thoughts but i don't really feel like i'm not gonna get into that on this like no one wants to hear that uh i do i feel like it could be good fodder for jokes i mean it's just like the the job is hard like it's not and everyone like i i tweeted out and i was like i'm not gonna be in new y York for a while. And then the first reply is like, yeah,

working eight hours a week can be really hard. And it's like, yeah, dude, that's not like what I'm like depressed about, about working eight hours a week. You'd probably be less depressed if you were like in a sugar cane field with a machete, just fucking chopping sugar for 12 hours a day.

You need more work. Yeah. I mean, Yeah. You need more work. Yeah, I mean. Exactly. I need more, I think I need more structure in my life. And it's just like working at a job where it's like if you have a bad day and then like you go home and you get, check Twitter, and there's like a thousand people telling you how bad of a day you had. It's not like a normal job. It's not like, oh, I didn't feel like doing my work today. And then

that's just it. Yeah. Like if a janitor misses a smudge on the floor, they're probably not going to hear about it. Like if a bartender like get someone's drink order wrong, like they might just try to overcharge someone in the moment and fucking get into a little bit of a kerfuffle, but nobody's going to have that cacophonous fucking get into a little bit of a kerfuffle but nobody's gonna have that cacophonous thunderous negative feedback that kind of comes with some of these uh public eye jobs and uh i think part of what's what's bothering you is like uh the glee that some people seem to take in like other people's downfalls or like pitfalls yeah i mean it's really just like i don't even really know how to describe it like there's so many like thoughts that i have like it's just like

like i guess this is like what i signed up for like i when i got hired at barstool like i knew i was gonna be like it's just what happens if you have a job where you're in the public eye but it's like at the same time when i before i got hired Barstool, it felt like I was mainly just doing stuff like this for fun. Like I didn't have a podcast or anything like that, but I was making videos and doing Twitter and stuff for fun. And it was really just like a thing where when I had downtime or if I was bored in class, I would just go on Twitter and crack jokes. And now it's like it's my job and basically my entire life revolves around it, and it's like, I don't know, it's just a lot more pressure and a lot more stress added to it.

It's not like a hobby anymore. It's like my life. Do you need to go back to school? Do you need to, like, do law school on the side or some shit like that? Like, do you need to, like, do something to take your mind off of it? No. I mean, no. I don't like, do something to take your mind off of it? No. I mean, no. I don't want to go back to school.

I would like to keep working at Barstool. Honestly, though, like, if I wasn't doing the yak, I would definitely leave New York and, like, move somewhere else. Where would you move? Like, I don't know. Like like philly would you move to philly yeah i liked philly a lot um i i really just don't think i'm like built for the city um i mean some people who were would want to prey on your mental state right now would say that you're too much of a bitch for the city but that's not what i would say i mean if that's what it is then that's what it is exactly care we don't care about labels on this show i would

never fucking say also i don't really care like that's the thing too it's like people acting like oh you only you have a good job you're not allowed to be depressed it's like well that's like that like there's a million other reasons that you could be have mental health problems even if i have a good job yeah and as far as new york you never said you were like the king of this place or anything yeah i mean i said that the first week i moved here i mean but look i mean mary todd lincoln was depressed and she was married to the fucking president you know what i mean like uh yeah you're basically mary todd lincoln you know

it's not a, it's not all it's cracked up to be, be married to Abe Lincoln. Yeah. And honestly, dude, like when, with the whole like Ohio Tate thing,

Oh, what is it? What are they? Is it Ohio state or Ohio Tate? His name is Ohio state. Ohio state. Yeah. It's Ohio's Tate.

No, it's Ohio state. He's Tate from Ohio. It's ohio his name is state okay possessive the whole ohio's the whole ohio state thing i was like very envious of him talking about what he does like he just like blogs when he wants to blog and then like does his normal life well i think he blogs a lot though not just when he wants to blog i think he still like cranks out a bunch of blogs i think that that there's like an expectation and a pressure. Yeah, but he has like a normal life outside of Barstool.

Like my entire life is Barstool. That's true. He did select like a part-time route. And do you think that maybe having like another job or interest or maybe being like a glorified babysitter or whatever would be good for you? I don't know. I don't think so because I think the less I work, the worse my mental health is going to be because I'm just going to sit around. And the more I work, like I don't, dude, I'm trapped.

I'm trapped in a bad cycle. It is. The more you work what? It's quick saying. The more he struggles, the more he's going to sink quick saying the more he struggles the more depressed the more he's gonna work more who wants to work more also that's something that pisses me off too is the stoolies it's like why do you care how much i work such a weird thing to care about but you know what's crazy is like you'll do something good and it'll completely flip and they'll be like sass is the hardest working motherfucker there is.

It's just fickle people who have, like, no opinion. It's like, I kind of, and you should, too, empathize what, like, athletes go through when, like, they have a good game. They score, like, 22 points. And they're like, this guy's a fucking goat, dude. He should be an all-star. And then he has, like, an off night where he, like, puts up a bunch of shots. They don't all hit. And everyone's's like we should fucking trade his ass like why the fuck did we give him that fucking contract it's just like whoa buddy don't flip-flop so easily and it's also just not that deep yeah i mean i get it like i I mean, the people on the internet have it worse. Like, athletes get it ruthlessly.

And same with, like, musicians. Like, if they don't put out an album every year, people get pissed. But it's like, I don't know. I think it'd be helpful. It's just a bunch of, it's not even just work. It's just a bunch of little things building, that built up. And I was like, I can't be here. I think the environment you build for yourself is also important.

And, like, you being able to see grass or like a tree would be helpful. Or if you had like a plant or a window in your apartment or something like that, or like a living space that you really enjoyed, I think might play into it a little bit. So you don't feel like trapped or like you're just getting out of bed to like a floor of trash or whatever. so you don't feel trapped or you're just getting out of bed to a floor of trash or whatever. Yeah, I mean, it does feel like I kind of just go to work and then go home and then go to work. And I don't really go out on the weekends or do anything like that

because it's just like I don't really enjoy going out in New York. Can I give you a little piece of advice, brother? Sure. It may seem like it's simple or, you know, might not be a sequitur, might not make a lot of sense to you, but do this one favor for me. Make your bed. Yeah. Simple as that, brother.

Make your bed. One task at the beginning of the day, and suddenly you've tricked your mind into thinking that you're a productive human being. Make your bed. Yeah. I probably should. But I keep a pretty clean room these days. These days my room's pretty clean.

No, it's not. There's no chance. Do you leave your room? I think I gotta start listening to more Token CEO. You might need to start Token, bro. You might need to start hitting the fucking grass. I think I need to start. Yeah, me and Erica need to collab and do a motivational podcast.

You need motivation, honestly. Me, Erica, and Jerry. He's going to be called my friend of Token CEO. Her friend of Token. Or friend of token. Friend of token with Sass. Yeah. Friend of token with Sass. Yeah, that's how you fit in.

I think that this is going to be beatable. If you wind up coming back on Monday, though, I'm going to be kind of upset, though. I feel like you've made enough of us think about this that you need to take some serious time for yourself. You know, be out of the city for a little bit. Let it really wash over you. Last thing we need is you going back and then coming back like a week later and then it's equally bad or it fucking doubles down or some shit. Yeah, I don't want to go back at all um when i originally left i like yesterday when i was getting on the train i was like i'm probably never coming back to this city ever and uh obviously things changed quick um i think my

parents are afraid that i'm gonna get fired from my job if I don't go back, which would probably happen. Tell them how people take mental health breaks here all the time. How people make it their brand to take mental health breaks. Do they do that, though? Yes. Yeah, they do. Who does that? I think a lot of people do, brother.

Dude, I don't think there's been anyone i can't think of any names at barstool who have like had to take a mental health break after like a like a pitching competition or anything like that that's what i mean i think it happens to literally everybody yeah we're all thinking of three different people yeah who are you thinking of i'm only that was the only person i could think of i mean there's high noon cans yeah there's leaks oh but that wasn't a mental health break there's sweatshirts it's everything dude everybody goes to the sweatshirts multiple brands i believe that and yeah everybody is like

these brands based on like false positivity too just like be positive and like be happy but i think that a lot of people take mental health breaks and you don't even know they're doing it because nobody's in the fucking office ever and the only reason there's an expectation of you being in the office is because of the yak. And nobody else has things that fucking hold them down, dude. Nobody's fucking pinnable downable, dude. There's fucking waves on the shore. They fucking come through and leave, and there's two people in the office every day. Me and fucking Devlin fucking grinding, bro.

Yeah, I mean, you're right. There are. It really is you and Devlin every day. And Naysa. Yeah, and Chuck. Chuck grinds. Yeah, and Chuck. I was actually you're right. There are. It really is you and Devlin every day. And Naysa. Yeah, and Chuck. Chuck Grimes. Yeah, and Chuck. I was actually thinking of Chuck.

Dude, I thought I beat Chuck in this morning, and I went to take a picture of his desk, and as I got closer to it, his bald head just popped up. Like a whack-a-mole. He's a legend. What time does Chuck get in? I got in at 8.45 this morning. I was positive I'd be the first, and he was like, ah, I just felt like it. Why the fuck are you getting in at 8.45 this morning I was positive I'd be the first And he was like I just felt like it

Why the fuck are you getting in at 8.45? You don't have to wait for sass anymore? I'm trying to just like restart my sleep schedule Yeah that's probably smart Dude I logged on to Zenefits For the first time last night And I saw our organizational chart It's fucking hilarious

Who has like people under them. You know that Chuck has like 45 people under him? It's like a flow chart of the organization. Dude, Dana used to be the boss of like 100 people. He is still. Dana has tons of people under him. Dana is like the boss of the company. Yeah, it's fucking insane.

The amount of people... Dave is under dana dave portnoy is a direct report he does his he does his uh his performance reviews with dana at all times dana still runs the fucking call how many people were under me uh it was uh me Me, Tyler, Owen, Jake, KB, Nick, Fastuli, Eric, Tim. I fired Fastuli. Well, he's back with a vengeance. He was the first one. He was like, I heard Sass is having some little mental troubles.

He fucking just popped back up. He had a fresh start. Dude, I got a text from a number that I don't have. It's probably someone whose number you're supposed to have. Wait, read it. I'll check. I'm not even going to continue. What did it say?

Because they were actually being nice. What did they say? They were just saying like, hey, if you ever need anything, let me know. But I didn't have the number. So I felt awkward. Was'd they say? They were just saying, like, hey, if you ever need anything, like, let me know. But I didn't have the number, so I felt awkward. Was it Quigs? I replied, and I said, thanks, I appreciate it. No, it wasn't Quigs.

I have Quigs' number. You should have asked for something super specific from them. You could have been like, I could go for a four-piece KFC meal right now. Or, like, honestly, just a wacky selfie would do it. Yeah, just one wacky selfie would do it yeah just one wacky selfie i should just start yourself i should just start sucking completely just really lean into this sucking how like just being like a sad sack bastard yeah just like always be like well i'm really feeling a little upset today just become eeyore from next

time winnie the pooh next time dave denies me of a raise i'll be like well this is just perfect been feeling really sad recently the mental health card is oh that's great it is the that's why it's like that's why it's like cringy to talk about, but it's like at the same time, bro, when you're on the other end of it, it ain't good. It is dark over there. It's a true photo negative.

Oh, yeah. But I have been in the situation that you're in where you just have to fucking get out of somewhere. I lived down the shore in new jersey oh no it was like it wasn't an option yeah i lived in ocean city one summer for the entire summer and like uh at the beginning of the summer i got like the best we got a little crackle going i got the best bedroom in the house i was fired the fuck up about it it was like the master bedroom but by the end of the summer it turned into like the fuck bedroom and just everybody was like i'd like be out

partying and someone would go and like fuck on my mattress and like there was no fucking sheets oh that would destroy me in the sheets fuck and i got like i like slept on the bed i got like a fucking some bullshit on my face like a fucking like rat it was like scabies it wasn't scabies but it was some kind of scabies adjacent shit at the last second i just had to pack everything up and just get the fuck out of dodge like i was like furious i just left within like three minutes just got on the first bus back home from the shore it was miserable yeah that's brutal yeah i mean last night it was like i i like had a fine day like i woke up i felt all right woke up pretty early i uh went to work came back and then as soon as i got back

from work i was just like losing my mind like it was like i couldn't even focus on one thing because it was just like like my mind was moving a million miles per hour and then i was like yeah i'm leaving new york right now oh i think it was like i was on the subway i was on the subway and i was like so i was looking around i was like this is so depressing like everyone was asleep there's like dudes like nodding off on the subway and i'm like ah i'm going home what kind of things can you do to reset your brain? I don't know, dude. Drink.

Smoke a little freaking gonch. That type of shit. Do you think any of your boys will come home and be with you? And just kind of sit with you? Hell no. Definitely not. That lag made it so much funnier. The lag on your fucking, your fat bong rip.

Give us another fat hit. You were smoking, like, a full minute later. The audio, dude, this is brutal. I'm going to, like, I'm going to scream at my parents after this. I'm going to get all up in my dad's face. Well, maybe he's going through something where he just can't afford good Wi-Fi. Do you think that you need to start chipping in around the house? I'm getting up in his face. Work harder!

Do more! If you didn't want to need good Wi-Fi, you shouldn't have had a son! You knew I was going to be a podcaster! You should have dealt with this! If all business Pete was my dad, this never would have happened. The funniest part about this is I'll make a joke that i think is funny and then i won't hear your guys laughs for like 45 seconds laughter

i have no idea what's going on. I'm just trying to give you a little extra laughter just in case you're in the middle of saying something really funny. I just wanted to kind of get ahead of it and give you a little bit of a laugh. What do you want to become of this podcast while you're away? What do you want me to do with it in the time being? I don't want to become of this podcast while you're away? What do you want me to do with it in the time being? I don't want to stop recording this podcast.

I want to keep doing it. This is like one of my favorite things. Looks like you just did, brother. All right. All right, ready? Ready to hop back in? Yep. All right, where were we?

Where were we? We were talking about that filthy bastard from russia oh yeah we can just steer right over that let's hop into something new something fresh should we talk about philly a little more i mean we we only we recorded last time like halfway through the philly trip yeah we had a whole other day in philly we went to five other places uh we could jump through all of them if Philly. We went to five other places. We could jump through all of them if you want to. We went to a place called Sarkone's Bakery.

Famous bakery right on the street there in Philly. What did you think of it? Yes, sir. Bro, Sarkone's was gas. Sarkone's was something different, dude. All right, what's the next one? We went to Ionelli's. Oh, don't even? We went to Ionelli's. Oh, don't even get me started on Ionelli's.

Ionelli's was the spot. No, that guy just called us small dick losers the entire time. Oh, that was Ionelli's? To be honest, I don't remember any of the names. Ionelli's was crazy. That was like, Ionelli's literally might be the reason I had to send myself home. Because that guy was so mean to you? No, he wasn't even mean to me.

I was just like, it was so hot in there, and I was so tired, and it was brutal. He was really mean to me, honestly. He was just a... He flamed you. No, he bullied me. It wasn't just like a flame session. Like, I can handle a flame session. Full-on bullying? Yeah.

Dude, he told you to give up on comedy. And I wasn't even trying comedy at that point. No, you were just like, you were like, all right, man, let's get started. And he was like, all right, Ron, leave the jokes to someone else. Hey, why don't you? Leave the jokes to my buddy. Leave the jokes to my buddy, Jamaro. You know he's a stand-up, and he's not one of those low-key stand-ups.

He's a headliner. I'm talking about headliner comedy. I'm talking big names. i'm talking about big names every time i try to say something to this guy he would like say a statement and then i would agree with the statement he'd be like i wouldn't say all that he'd be like yeah this water is wet i would be like yeah you could say that there's like some moisture in it and he'd'd be like, oh, I wouldn't say all that. He just was fucking convinced that he was going to disagree with me no matter what the fuck happened. He did not like me that much.

Poor bastard. Yeah, I didn't really, I don't really know. I mean, the food was great at his spot, but, you know, the energy was a little much for me that early in the morning one thing i do admire sass about you and how you're handling your cd or clinical depression is that uh you're not lashing out at anybody else you're not being like uh because you feel bad about yourself you're not being nasty or mean to anyone else you're just really mean and hard on yourself oh no you should see what I'm like to my family, dude. Just hitting my mom. Shut the fuck up, mom. I got home last night and I just wailed into my parents. I beat them both up.

Anybody else that wouldn't be funny for you to talk about beating up your mom. For you, it is funny to talk about beating up your mom. My mom could beat me up. Oh, there's no doubt in my mind your mom could beat you up. Your mom would, like, fucking leg sweep you and fucking throw you through a chair. She'd do some wrestling shit to you. Your mom is a savage, bro. I fucking know.

She's next level. She's next level. Then we went to Ray's Happy Birthday Bar, and we got a little street. Remember that one we had on the street? Oh, yeah, yeah. I didn't eat that one, so I can't say anything about that. Oh, you didn't have a bite of that one? No, I was so full from the first place, or the last place that we were actually there

for an hour and a half. And you were just groaning. That guy also did make us a sandwich. Yeah, he made us a steak sandwich what did you think of that it was good i i can't really say anything about that place because i was in such a bad mood when we were there and i got my second wind when we were at the next place but i was in such a bad mood when we were there and i like couldn't like oh man when he called me over to eat that steak sandwich dude i was like genuinely furious i feel feel like that what we were doing on that day, going to like six different shoots in one day and trying a bunch of different things.

I feel like that's a way to fucking get out of the cycle of depression, like seeing like cool shit, like seeing different parts of the world being stimulated by different experiences. I feel like that's kind of like a healthy cycle to be in. Yeah, I mean, yeah, I guess. Yeah, I mean, it was fun. It was a very fun few days. I mean, hanging out with the mics is always a really fun time. So I enjoyed that a lot. I enjoyed the first night.

First night was a blast black tax i heard they were giving you advice the mics were they i don't know i heard they were i wasn't there when they were oh no you were there it was that black taxi i mean we talked i was talking uh both of the mics all night bro well one of the mics was saying that uh that me and you could it could be getting deals with startup companies and then all it takes is for one of them to pop off and we would become billionaires so why isn't he a billionaire then because he's not an influencer he kept on saying influencers influencers which is a disgusting word yeah i would have nipped that conversation in the butt

I'm not an influencer bro I'm a creator I'm not an influencer I'm under the influence bro get it fucking right bro I'm not an influencer I'm just always on the influence I'm off that influi

that influenza dude you should put I'm off that influenza pack dude can influenza. Dude, you should put... I'm off that influenza pack. Dude, can you put that on one of your memes or shirts or some shit like that? Like, I'm not an influencer. I'm under the influence. I'm under the influence? That would be good.

I'll do that later. I'll do one of those motivational time card or whatever those things are called. It's just like a picture of some high heels and a half bottle of whiskey or some shit like that. Yeah, yeah. Well, no, I'm going to make it of your face. That's the go-to. Can you do it with the fucking suit in the lobby in Minnesota? Yeah, yeah.

I'm not an influencer. I'm under the influence. That's fire. That's a great quote. Yo, bro, that's a son of a boy dad original. That's the kind of quotes we fucking crank out in this bitch. Oh, of course. Dude, we should have been doing this by phone call the entire time. It sounds way better.

It's way easier. It's way easier. Conversation's way smoother, too. Oh, yeah. I have to, like, hope that you're laughing at the joke. Though, Tyler and Owen can't hear. I feel like I've lost Tyler and Owen, which is tough. Let me hit that pen, bro. Let me hit that pen, Owen.

My fucking dog, bro. Yo, wait. What are you guys doing over there? What's going on? Oh, man. I have big time FOMO now. Uh-oh. He's going Drogon. I don't even have the... For everyone

that's listening or watching, I can't see Rowan. I just have a phone call of him up because my Wi-Fi in my house is too shitty for me to be able to hear him or see him. Oh, you can't see me even? The Wi-Fi gods have restricted me of sight. Dude, so the next... Oh, wait, no.

I can see you now. I just pulled you up on Zoom. Pulled you up on that Z thing. The next place we went was a spot called Liberty Kitchen. Oh, Liberty Kitchen was ill. Oh, wait. Liberty Kitchen was actually the place that I said was my number one. Yeah, it was your fave-y.

Yeah, Liberty Kitchen was great. That one was... The pie there was amazing, and the people there were awesome, and the artwork on the walls was fantastic. And he was Jewish. And he was Jewish. And he was a Jew. I always feel like when you say call someone a Jew, I feel like it's— It feels wrong.

It feels like you're being—it feels like a slur. Yeah, it does. But it's okay. Like, it's not a slur. It's not. Call someone a Jew. And anyone who says it is, bro, you're wrong. And guess what?

I'm Jewish. But didn't... Newsflash. Didn't someone we were with say something to that effect, and they did mean it disparagingly? Oh, yeah. He was, yeah, he was being real Jew-y. And I was like, um, what? I'm sorry, can you pull over?

I think I'll walk. Yeah. Come again? Why people didn't walk through the desert for us to have to drive through hatred of you fucking disparaging us. Well, then he told me that he was actually Jewish, too, so it kind of canceled out. I think he was just making that up in the moment. Kind of as a get-out-of-jail-free card. Oh, he better not offend it's like

how when you say the n-word and then you say that like uh your friends are black i say my mom's black yeah you just claimed to have a full black family no i was adopted by a black family it's cool bro it's cool my mom's i'm actually south african then we went it's like when law it's like when logic says the n-. Who could relate. But who can relate. He is actually black though. Then we went to Gators in the northeast. Gay dicks.

Chill bro. You can't say gay dick. You can call someone gay or you can call someone a dick. But you can't someone a dick, but you can't say they have a gay dick. Never both. Never both. Not at the same time. Ever.

Then we went to Gators in the Northeast. What did you think of that spot? I thought it was good. It was a nice little family-owned. Or was it? I think it used to be family-owned. It's not anymore. They got their pizza recipe or their tomato pie recipe

from some other family who I think they said they killed the entire family or something like that. Yeah. It was like a Native American family. The blood ran from their fucking, from Gatos in the Northeast all the way down Kotman Ave. It was fucking...

I thought that Gatos was good. I thought the place after it with those two ladies was really good. Marcianos. after with those two ladies was really good. Marcianos. Marcianos. In Maniunk. Marcianos was an awesome spot, and I liked those ladies a lot. They were very funny.

Yeah, they were just nice ladies. That's the kind of people Philly has. I loved how nervous they were. It was so funny. Yeah, it was cute. Wasn't it cute how nervous those 40-year-old ladies were? Because you asked for pepperoni, like, pepperoni bread. The pepperoni bread.

And someone was like, oh, where's the pepperoni bread? And she was like, oh, my God, I forgot. And I was like, your score is going to go down a lot if we don't get that pepperoni bread. And she literally, like, turned around and took off to the kitchen. Crying. And I was like, i was completely joking no and they just kept on being like i told you we should have had the miller lights before we should have got a buzz on before we would have taken the edge off because they were so nervous to

they were so nervous to be on camera they just kept on being like we should have had a couple miller lights they're like thank god dave's not here we should have had a couple Miller Lights. They're like, thank God Dave's not here. We would have had a full. They were literally asking you for Ativan. Like, they weren't even being funny about it. They're like, can we have some of your Ativan? Do you have Malia Obama's credit card so we can snort some of this Ativan? But did you get to try any of the bread?

No, I was way too full i had like four slices bro that came out the bread is so fucking good it's so good i think it's the best thing that i ate the entire day the bread at more actually no i don't know that's that's fucked up to say i'm not gonna pit one against the other but i just really like the bread oh i'll i'll rank them bro i'll give you my top three okay give us number one was it liberty is that what it's called liberty kitchen liberty kitchen number one number two wait hold up hold up before you go to go to number two remember my criteria of what makes a good restaurant when you're another city no i don't remember it's whenever there's like three rules

if there's like an and in their name, like pig and pie. A fork or a spoon. If there's a fork or a spoon in the name or if their shit says kitchen at the end of it. Liberty Kitchen. If it's like. Yeah, Liberty Kitchen was number one. Yep. So it passes the criteria for a good restaurant in a new city.

Bro, I'm not following your criteria though. I'm following my criteria. But I'm saying this holds true to the criteria. Yeah. Okay, what was the first place that we went the whole time? Corpulis? Corpulis, number two. Corpulis, number two.

Corpulis was unreal. Okay, that's the original. Number three. And number three, I'll go to the last place we went. What was it called? Marciano's. Marciano's. So Liberty Kitchen, Corpul's, Marciano's,

Best Tomato Pie Spots in Philadelphia and probably in the world. Except for Utica, New York, which has a small plane. Little Sasquatch Barstool Sports official ranking. We'll throw that on the OneBite app. Yeah, definitely put that on the OneBite. Let's make a fucking

time card. Let's make a fucking little meme. Let's use the picture of me in the suit in Minnesota and let's make a fucking time card let's make a fucking a little meme let's use the picture of me in the suit in minnesota let's make it official we have to fucking rank this shit wait do you want to i'll get my team on that rank the uh rank the barbecue you had in uh wherever the fuck we were i don't remember that i can't do that all right fuck we're trying to get some rankings off dude i don't remember that. I can't do that. All right, fuck. We're trying to get some rankings off, dude. I feel like giving a couple rankings here and there. Yeah, but I can't do that. That was like over a year ago.

Rank your favorite beers. Rank Lil Sass' favorite beers. Top three favorite beers. All right. All right. I can dabble in that. I can play with that. Fuck yes, brother.

What do you got? Number one, I'm going to go with Natty Light. Natty! Number two, Bush Light. Okay. And number three, Natural Ice. Nice. Natty Light, Bush Light, Natty Ice.

Those are my top three. Best beers by a mile. Bro, anytime I go to a place and I'm like, I hate when they look at me surprised when I'm like, hey, do you guys have Natty Ice on draft? On tap, yeah. You guys have kegs of Natty Ice? Why not? That doesn't make any fucking sense.

You guys new or something? You guys only do craft or what? That's not very frat of you. They're not frat stars at all wait uh what are your what are your three best uh frats uh kappa sig kappa sig fi di fi fi di fi and uh kappa omega and kappa omega ko the knockouts and it's by and it's by a freaking mile yeah any other list is wrong. If you don't see those three, if you don't see Phi Di Phi,

if you don't see FIFO Fun. Do they not have Phi Di Phi at Penn State? Oh, they have Phi Di Phi. Come on, bro. No, I don't think they did. Phi Di Phi might be exclusively to Paul. What is Phi Di Phi? Is that actually –

Raw Demons. Is that actually a frat name? Yeah. Well, it was like a... It was like a... They made it themselves. You don't actually have to, like, pledge. It's like the best part about this frat is you don't have to pledge or anything.

You just sign up. Bro, gross. You need to pledge to fucking weed out the normies. The GDIs. Phi Di Phi at DePaul. You were in Phi Di Phi? Yeah. You're a fucking Greek?

Oh, dude, it runs in my veins. I bleed Phi Di Phi. I thought you were a GDI, bro. What is a GDI? A goddamn independent. No, it's a goddamn independent, bro. No, dude, I'm Greek as F. That's what they would call people who weren't frat

a gdi these goddamn independents a jade wait is that what they call them a jade what is the insult what's the insult it sounds like a slur that they that the frat dudes call people who aren't in frats uh i don't what is the what's the slur that frat dudes call people inside? Is it a jeed? NARP? What's NARP stand for? No, it's not a NARP. It's a jeed. Non-athletic regular person?

You fucking NARP. Bro, I used to get called a NARP. I got called a NARP my whole life up until this week, and that's what sent me home. Your mom was calling you a NARP before you started beating her up dude my mom called me a narp when i when i walked in what's up narpy still crying what's up narp what's up narp the big city is a little too much to handle for you isn't it i was like oh okay all right. All right, sorry, mummy. Can I have my crest cut off? I was like, mummy, the big city is too much for me. And she was like, get out of my face, you frigging narp.

Mummy, the commenters are mean to me. Fucking bong this five bong beer right now. Bong this two-story bong right now. I got a Natty Ice Tallboy with your name on it. Stop bitching. You want me to put it in a bottle for you? That's actually the real reason that I had to leave New York, bro. There's not nearly enough Natty Ices there.

Dude, I'm... All right, while we're doing rankings, top five hangover foods, or let's make it top three. Oh, don't get me started. Yes, bro. Yes, we're going there, bro. Watch out full send. Watch out, Kyle, because we're coming for that ass.

Bro, top five hangover foods. Number one, Happy Dads. Yes. Easily. Bro, Little Hair the Dog. Yes, brother. Happy Dads. That'll get me feeling right.

Okay, what's number two? What's your two, Ski? Come on. I'm trying to think. I'm trying to think. What about pizza? Yo! That smacks.

Pizza smacks. Bro, pizza smacks when you're hungover. Pizza smacks so heavy. Or a bacon, egg, and cheese. Bro. No. He did not finish the word cheese. Bro, that is filthy.

That's filthy. A Beck? Yeah, so I'm going to go top three. Happy Dad's pizza and a bacon, egg, and cheese. Cheese. A bacon, egg, and Che. Bacone. A bacon, egg, and Che. Bacon, egg, and Stephen Che. Nothing goes better.

Do you think Michael Che and Stephen Che are related? Yeah, they definitely are. Dude, and if you see this list anywhere else, it's fucking fraud. You're not going to get this fucking. This is the official ranking. You're not going to get this this uncut unfiltered fucking content How about your How about your favorite beach towns

Or favorite types of guns that are fucking Manufactured by Raytheon Uh AK-47 M16 And the desert freaking eagle The eagle Drop down and let your eagles off what a beautiful piece bro yeah i got two desert eagles one in camo and one in blue lives matter

that's sick dude i got one with the ukrainian flag painted you got the ukrainian de yeah damn i don't even think they have desert eagles out there. No, it's custom. It's a custom job. Or they don't even have deserts out there. Or eagles. Hell no. Fuck yeah, bro.

They only have eagles in the US. That's why it's our bird. Yeah. The fucking baldy, fucking majestic ass beast. The skinhead eagle. Is that why skinheads fucking shave that thing? To fucking replicate the bald eagle? One ultimate act of patriotism?

It's a common misconception that skinheads are racist. It's more they're just so obsessed with the bald eagle that they decide to dedicate their hair to the eagle. Yeah, they're just patriots who... They sacrifice their hair for the eagle. They're just following in the footsteps of our founding fathers geniuses fuck yes dude the founding fathers were racist as fuck anyway bro oh dude that's how they wanted it you know those cis white males were fucking

running amok in early philadelphia that's another thing that makes philadelphia sweet all that fucking history, bro. I'd love to take you on a history tour, maybe a ghost tour or some shit like that. Bro, did you see that picture that the Always Sunny people

posted with Lil Dicky? Philly Nation. Philly Nation. Fuck, dude. I didn't know that Lil Dicky was a Philly guy. You didn't? No, it's just like

everyone from Philly? It is like that now. Everybody used to be from Boston, and now there's been a seismic shift, and everybody's from Philly now. He's from Cheltenham, bro. Yeah. I could see that, the Boston thing,

because it feels like all the old comedians are from Boston, or at least the GOATs, you know? And I feel like people from Boston used to make it out like, oh, we're from Boston. We have this attitude that nobody else has like we have this fucking edge that nobody else has is fucking Boston yeah and then Philly came in yeah like Boston trouble Boston dudes were wearing like scallies and jeans like thinking that they had character like they were like dressing up like it was 1870 or some shit and then Philly

just changed the game came in like a wrecking ball with a pair of fucking champion sweatpants and a stained hoodie with yingling all over it. Oh, please, bro. Stained hoodie with just tomato pie all over that thing? Yeah, pre-stained. Is that a blood stain or is that tomato pie? Don't even have to ask, bro. I always know it's going to be tomato pie.

Bro, speaking of bud uh that you see that bud dwyer uh killed himself on 1987 fucking uh 35 years ago today is that the dude who killed himself on tv when he got yeah bro you know he's a philly guy philly legend he might be top he might be top All right, give us your top three Philly legends, and you can't say Bud Dwyer. Why can't I say Bud Dwyer? Because we don't know he's from Philly. We just know his daughter went to Penn State.

But his daughter did go to Penn State. Top three Philly legends. That's tough because there's so many. I know, bro. We could be here all day. Fucking Doris Day.ary callowhill uh betsy ross and that's just the women oh that's i didn't know betsy ross was from philly yes bro she sewed the flag right there top three fucking colonial bitches from Philly. Colonial. All right, I'm going to go with Kevin Bacon right off the rip. Kevin Bacon, one of the Philly goats.

Okay, salute to fucking KB. Fucking six degrees. KB with swag. Oh, Bob Saget. Saget, RIP, bro. Fucking Saget. Where is he from? Norristown?

Diplo. And Diplo. And Diplo. Yes. Silk City. Silk City represent. Diplo's the GOAT, dude. Diplo is the GOAT, dude. They don't make him like Diplo anymore.

Tuesday on my mind. Think about you all the time. All the time. Wait, is that Diplo? I don't think so. Who is that? Kay Trinata? Doesn't Diplo make

Just like strictly EDM Yeah that's a That's an EDM song bro Tuesday On my mind Oh are you beatboxing my boy You sound like Rozelle The number one beatboxer

In the world Who's actually from Philly, bro. Yes, bro. Give us the fucking look, bro. How long have we been going for? Dude, I feel like you are in a whole new place when you're just at home. You got your goof back. Dude, I'm on goof mode for sure how sass got his goof back it dude so honestly it's great being home it makes me feel like

you know it makes me feel like i could do anything yeah you're young again it makes me feel like i'm indestructible you really are at this point and if the audio didn't sound like we're fucking screaming through a mud puddle of shit right now we could do this all the time we went on the call if we went on as soon as we went on the call all of a sudden you're in perfect yeah because your wi-fi said you're not it's because your wi-fi sucked you're not lagging at all dude i'm looking at the fire and the fire is actively moving was the fire not moving before i feel like oh no the fire the fire not moving before? Oh no, the fire was completely still when we hung up the call.

I feel like I've been getting lower and lower in my seat in this fucking relaxing room. If I did that, dude, people would be like, classic sass, bro. This says so much about his work ethic. Look at his posture. He doesn't even have his feet. The one hour of work he does a week, he can't even sit up straight

in his freaking chair. Someone just tried to call me from Philly. They probably heard all the fucking slander you were throwing out about fucking tomato pie. Tell me they didn't hear what I said about Kevin Bacon. Yes, bro. Kevin Bacon. Love bacon. I'm going to have to do some bacon after this.

I'm starving. Some wakin' bacon, bro. I know what type of time you're on at home. Some Waken Kevin bake. I know you have progressive-ass parents who let you smoke weed in the house and make you call them by their first names. Of course. Of course. I hate when people call their parents by their first names.

Shut the fuck up, Betsy. Yeah. Specifically their mothers. Yeah. That's the one that really gets me. It used to be Karen. I think that's even how the word Karen started. But now it's been appropriated by non-whites.

It used to be exclusively FUBU. It used to be for us, by us. We'd be the ones who'd throw around the word Karen. Now they've turned it into a word to disparage us they've turned it a word to to turn us against each other that's all that karen is yeah that in a hundred years separate the whites once white people become a minority in the united states which will happen in like probably probably by the end of this century about 50 years after that we're uh are going to try to take back Karen,

like the N-word, and they're going to not let anybody else say Karen. And there's just going to be white artists singing polka music using the K-word liberally, and everybody else is going to wish they could fucking use the K-word. That would be awesome, dude. My mom's name is Karen.

No, it's not. It is. It actually is? Yeah. That was going to be the first one I said, like, shut the fuck up, Karen. But I thought it would be too big. But it's spelled differently. It's not K-A-R-E-N.

It's C-A-R-I-N-G. Exactly. You nailed it. Your mom's one of the most caring bitches I know. Yeah, bro. My mom's caring about her son. I like your soulless walls that you have in your house. Kind of reminds me of your apartment.

This isn't like I don't really crash here that often. This isn't, like, I don't really crash here that often. It looks like you have a genetic aversion to ever decorating anything. It's only, like, wallpaper and floral blinds that you have up. Dude, this room is awesome. Like, this is like I come back here, and it's like as soon as I lay in bed, it's like every single problem I have in the world just disappears. You're probably just jerking off furiously.

Oh, everywhere. It probably just smells like those cum trees all over the house. Not because there's actually cum trees growing, but because you've been cumming everywhere. What is a cum tree? Actually, I think what might have been the turning point in my day yesterday when I decided, okay, either I i'm gonna kill myself or i'm gonna go home i made a coffee right when i got into the office and nate came up to me and he goes yo can i come in your coffee

and it was like within three minutes of me being there bro you should have let him do it, dude. I was like, ah. I was like, yeah, Nate. For sure, man. What if that's the thing that's making him depressed, that nobody's letting him come in their coffee? Dude, he can make his own coffee and do whatever he has to do. What if he likes coming in other people's coffees, okay? Have you considered that?

I haven't considered that at all. Maybe that's one of the fucking 48 genders, is that he likes to come in other people's coffee. Is there 48 genders? I think there's like 96 genders. Bro, what happened to just the two, right? Seriously, bro. Boys have penis, girls have vagina.

That's how I like to fucking say it. No, I don't care, bro. You can be whatever the F you want to be as long as you hit the like button on this video. Hit the like button for sure on this video. And what's up with the like button and hit that subscribe button? What's up with Mean Girl Podcast saying that nice guys finish last or don't finish? No, they were saying that nice guys finish first. Just it takes them a couple more years to get there.

Yeah, but then did you see our boy Jack Mac fired back at them? What did Jack Mac say? I'm just saying that nice guys finish first. Just it takes them a couple more years to get there. Yeah, but then did you see our boy Jack Mack fired back at them? What did Jack Mack say? He was like, oh, yeah, just, like, let the women fuck the chads, the alpha chads for their early 20s and just wait around as a nice guy and fucking just pick up their sloppy seconds after the fact. I mean, yeah. That's kind of how it goes. He was spitting fucking facts, bro.

But, like, that shouldn't be, like, you shouldn't be opposed to that. Like, that's best-case scenario. Best-case scenario, they get fucking plowed, and then you fucking scoop them up off the trash heap. Yeah. And you just get whatever's left. That's the dream for nice guys like us Shit man Fucking Ken dolls like us

Just a couple of Kens Just Gastons like us The true nice guys Let them fuck the beast for a little bit Gaston was truly the hero of Beauty and the Beast If you really look back He courted her He played it right

All the other bitches wanted him He kicked them really look back he courted her he played it right all the other bitches wanted him he kicked them to the curb he wooed her with flowers he sang her songs he was jacked as fuck he was handsome and he was successful and then bro what the fuck yo why'd you just call me from another fucking call i was fucking spitting facts bro can you hear me yeah yeah why did you just call me from a different call you just double called me it's had the call failed but just keep going keep going i was spitting fucking facts bro about gas i know what were you saying about i i know i saw you on my screen keep you kept going but i but it wasn't i couldn't hear anything you were saying long story short the beast is a fucking alpha chad and gaston is the fucking nice guy yeah bro and that's how it should be

gaston no bro she should have just started off with gaston no bro she fucking wanted the the bad boy up in the castle who was a fucking hairy face or whatever oh i get what you're saying because he was like forbidden that she was with the beast but in in real time he was the giga chad yeah exactly like i i don't know why wouldn't she like gaston yeah yeah i get what you're saying and like the whole premise of the book or the whole premise of the book or the whole premise of the movie was that she's into books like you think the beast could fucking read the beast couldn't even read he's a fucking idiot there's no way he's read on the road he doesn't know any

carowack quote quote one car what kind of car were they driving then beast if you actually read on the road beast what kind of car do they drive yeah so since you're so into books honestly i bet the beast's parents have blue names on wikipedia too did you see the size of his castle he had all these fucking servants he grew up in a life of privilege it's fucking whack no way gaston meanwhile picked himself up by the bootstraps gaston was a real one. Dude, it sounds like you have a man crush on Gaston. Gaston? Bro, Gaston and Roan, bro.

It has a nice ring to it. It does. Gaston and Roan forever. Wakanda forever. Also, he's jacked in fucking dudes like me, dudes like you, dudes like Chadwick Boseman. We want to be jacked like him. Bro, why did you have to bring Chadwick Boseman into this? That's just sick.

You just said Wakanda forever, bro. Oh, I did. God, you got me slipping. I listen like a thief, my dog. You do, like a thief in the night. The Bible says, thou how enjoys rest. Poverty will set upon you like a thief in the night. Damn, that sounds like some badass shit to say before you fucking kill someone.

I mean, no, it says, it's a, what's it called? I mean, maybe it's actually in the Bible, but I heard it from Pulp Fiction. No, not Pulp Fiction. Pulp Fiction. Who's the host of Family Feud? Steve Harvey. Steveud? Steve Harvey? Steve Harvey. He says,

It's like those who enjoy the folding of hands. Poverty will set upon you like a thief in the night. The folding of hands. It's an awesome quote, dude. Steve Harvey's a good motivational speaker. He gets me fired up. And he got cute dimples, too. You ever see Steve Harvey's dimples? They look like the divot on a golf course.

He got beautiful dimples and fucking lovely white teeth. I listen to this one motivational speech with him and he's like, The first year I was in comedy, I made $5,000. The second year, $5,000. The third year, $5,000. That second year, $5,000. The third year, $5,000. That's how you become homeless. $15,000 in three years. And then he goes on and he's like, we done made $50 million in one night.

I love Steve Harvey. I love Steve Harvey. And are people like cutting it up on TikTok over like videos of them doing like push-ups and like cooking broccoli? A hundred percent. When does he go on these like motivational rants? I think it's like in the beginning of Family Feud. Yeah. Good answer. Show me poop their pants.

Right after a sweet ass motivational speech. All my fucking shit, especially on Instagram reels, whenever I like accidentally swipe through a couple of those. It's just all Jordan Peterson talking about like your kids are only young for 15 minutes and like fucking. Oh, yeah. His annoying ass. Like everybody just uses Jordan Peterson like fucking his annoying ass. Everybody just uses Jordan Peterson for fucking everything right now. He wasn't even on my radar until I

started being on TikTok. And now like 18 year olds are obsessed with him nationwide. I'm like, get some fucking life experience, right brother? Just kidding man. Ages of whack Alright should we wrap this up?

No dude I'm having fun Do you have anything else to do? No we've been going for over an hour Yeah but let's fucking talk We're only starting to get in our groove now Alright man I'm down to keep going Alright let's end this thing What uh What are you to do with your time?

It was two when we started this. You were already drinking. You were already drinking 10% things. I wasn't already drinking. You've had multiple types of alcohol since we've been sitting here. I got two drinks specifically before the podcast. I was like, well, I'm home. May as well

damn stolen right off of pops pops drawer does karen know hell no damn i have to brush my teeth before i go downstairs i got gasoline breath right now pops is gonna be counting his fucking beers no uh i'm probably to go edit this. And I'm going to get it out to the fans, bro. Because the fans are hungry for content. Get it out to the fucking people. The pigs need their slurp. And what are you going to do at home?

How are you going to make sure you get out of the feedback loop that is Barstool Sports? I'm just going to chill. I've been doing some reading. Got the Kindle right here. Show me. Yo, big sir. I'm not actually reading that right now, though. That's an ad.

Just because I'm a big, because I'm a Kerouac head. Ha! Fucking love that guy. Me too, bro. Dude, are you going to watch some March Madness? Oh, big time. Oh, big time. Yeah.

I can see you getting really into sports. That's how a lot of us... I want to see my Memphis boys take it home. They already lost, bro. What? I never should have took that money line, bro. You should have taken them with the points, dummy. No! Not Memphis. that money line bro you should have taken him with the points dummy no not memphy well now i'm actually gonna kill myself not memphis rain it's not memphis bleak bro fuck all right brother all right bro thanks for hopping on with me i feel a lot better after talking to you yeah me too uh make sure to give this a make sure

to give this a like and a subscribe like subscribe download tell a friend or i will literally check myself in somewhere and you'll never hear a sanatorium he'll be on a fucking straight jacket my parents told me if this doesn't get 1000 likes on youtube that they're gonna bring me to an institution if this isn't in the uh top 40 in comedy by tomorrow afternoon at this exact time, then they're going to put you in a gay jacket. I mean, a straight jacket. Exactly. Exactly. All right. Thanks for listening, guys. Peace.