Son of a Boy Dad - Son of a Boy Dad: Ep. 52 - Osama Will Laden

Episode Date: March 29, 2022

Son of a Boy Dad: Ep. 52 - Osama Will Laden -- Sas & Rone discuss the 2022 Oscars & much more -- Full episodes also available on YouTubeYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, Son of a Boy Dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. All right, we're recording? Yep. All right, what's up, everybody? Welcome back to Son of a Boy Dad Podcast. Today is Monday, February 28th.

Oh, never mind, March 28th. Where's the time go? Where does the time go? It's episode 52. And how are we feeling? Feeling good, dude. How are you feeling? Wait, Harry, before I even ask how you're feeling, I just want you to know I love you, man. You're a valuable part of the team. None of this. You you know what i mean i love having you around you know i just love working with you dude just none of this cringe no cringe i just want you to know that i'm fully on your side and i'm a supporting teammate to you my also teammate thanks man appreciate it appreciate appreciate it um so how are you feeling honestly what the

fuck uh what type of time are you on You seem like you're in good spirits You seem way more yourself while you're at home Which I prefer Bro I'm actually not home Believe it or not What the fuck I'm in Vegas right now bro What

No I just got back from the strip club Hitting the slots Hitting the slots? Yep. Hitting the fucking oxygen bar? Yeah, I'm going to stay here until I turn 21. Dang. And then I'm just going to have a blast. How could you even get a room without being 21 in Vegas?

Aren't the hotels all casinos? Let's just say I know a guy. Oh, fuck. Chris Angel? No, I'm actually, I'm not in Vegas, but I'm in New Hampshire right now. Okay. Big things planned. What is it? I'm actually – I'm not in Vegas, but I'm in New Hampshire right now. Okay. Big things planned. I'm by myself fully.

I got here today. I actually got here a few hours ago. Doing a big hike tomorrow. Alone? Oh, yeah. Big boy. Nine miles. Brother, please do not end it.

Please do not do this. I don't think that it's worth it. I think that you've had a great run, and what you're going through is just a temporary thing. I don't think there's any reason to go full into the wild. No, it's going to be fully into the wild. Leave a trail of breadcrumbs or something like that, or a red string or something like that, so we can find your corpse.

Yeah, there's a whole map. It's all mapped out, so it should be. If I went missing, people know which hike I'm doing, and I should be able to be found. They'll know where your remains are? Yeah. I'm going to try and get out there by 7 a.m., though, because I want to make sure I have more than enough time to get home before sundown. Are you going to do anything while you're out there? Thinking, journaling, maybe some type of creative work?

Take up a couple jokes or something for the old routine? Maybe. I mean, we'll see what happens but i have nothing planned i'm more just going out there to just to get out there touch touch grass as it were yeah i'm hoping that the weather is good because it is fucking freezing here yeah it got cold as fuck over the last couple days and i was not ready for it i had abandoned such childish childish things. Yeah. Yeah, I was ready for it. I was wearing shorts. Damn. I'm happy that you're going on a hike. I think that it's a little bit psychopathic, but I think that that's okay. I think that you're allowed to be a little bit of a psycho as you kind of find yourself and reset the old bod.

Hit the old S's. Yeah, no, I think it's going to be fun. I think it's called Mount Lafayette. Okay. Yeah, so originally what it's going to be fun um it's i think it's called mount lafayette okay yeah so originally yeah originally what i was going to do i was going to hike mount lincoln in new hampshire but then i realized i like looked up reviews and doesn't really seem like a lot of people hike mount lincoln so then my dad told me about mount lafayette and i was like oh maybe i'll do that and then i looked it up and apparently to summit Mount Lafayette you have to summit Mount Lincoln full circle so you're gonna do both so I'm gonna do both so I'm summoning two mountains

or actually I think it's three mountains tomorrow yo you summit another one on the way down damn dude you're on your fucking uh Miley Cyrus right now you really are it's always gonna be another mountain and you're fucking climbing them all what all. What do you hope to accomplish from this? I hope to get to the top and get back down. I've never done a solo hike before, so it should be fun. I was going to do Mount Washington, and then I did a little bit of research, and I instantly was like, yeah, that's a terrible idea. I think you're going to get there, though.

I think that you're kind of a hiker. You're kind of like an alpinist. You're a little bit like one of those dudes. We'll see, man. We'll freaking see. You should mix in a couple pull-ups just to see if scaling a rock face is for you. It might be. No, that's not for me.

That's not for me at all. You just want to be feet on solid ground? Yeah. I have no upper body strength. Or actually, I have no strength in general. It's just walking strength? Mental or physical. What's the typical body type of somebody who hikes?

Like, is it... Like skinny, I think. Is it inclusive for people who aren't skinny? Hell no. Hell fucking no, bitch. Really? No. So you do have to be in some kind of shape to do if you're over 20 body fat they don't let you on the mountain no way you're definitely around 20

right now i know i am what body fat do you think you're at well if you had to get 20 probably if i had to guess yeah i guess when i was at 11 when i was going into college 11 yeah i got shredded i went i went keto how did you do it i got to college and i drank one beer and i jumped back up to like 17 you plumped out like homer simpson immediately yeah keto is the worst because like as soon as you eat a carb you just inflate like a balloon fuck yeah you're telling me it's not it's not sustainable there's a fucking problem it's not sustainable it's not sustainable at all did they do like those like two weeks where you're shredded are awesome. Did it feel good?

My friends who did keto were just super on edge the entire time. And they would just like crush like pepperoni sticks from 7-Eleven and blocks of cheese. And just like want to fight everybody. I wasn't like, I guess I wasn't really keto. I guess I wasn't really keto. I was more low carb. But for like months, I was literally just eating chicken and broccoli for like every meal. Like breakfast.

What, dude? You never told me about this chapter of your fucking journey, dude. Yeah, I don't know. I didn't know anything about nutrition or going to the gym. And I was like trying to get big. And I was just eating chicken and broccoli. And I was not. I was losing weight rapidly.

You're just getting lean? Baggy pants? How did they measure your body fat? Was it, did you hold onto something and like just set it on a meter or did someone come up to you with like forceps and like pinch into your fat areas on your body and like measure them? Cause I've had my sister has like a, I don't know how accurate it is, but my sister has like a, a scale that shows you like like you you step on it gives you your weight and then it gives you your body fat how does scales like that no dude i i don't think that those scales can actually know how it seems accurate how how could it know no clue what is it even gauging and so how does it seem accurate if you have no clue i don't know because i'm like

oh because then i look up pictures and i'm like oh what does 11 body fat look like and then i'm like oh i look like that oh what does 17 body fat look like and I'm like, oh, what does 11% body fat look like? And then I'm like, oh, I look like that. Oh, what does 17% body fat look like? And I'm like, oh, that looks like me. I guess I'm going to have to look it up and see what body fat I'm at. Yeah, you're not going to want to do that, dude. It's very, especially after those tomato pies last week. I was fat as fuck all last week.

I felt so bad about myself. All I keep telling myself is how much more discipline I need and how little I have. Dude, I'm just a fucking, I'm a slob. Yeah, I've been planning on going on this hike for like a few days now, so I've just been like letting myself go all the way.

I don't give a fuck what I put in my body right now, because I know I'm gonna, well, I'm convincing myself that I'm going to burn it all off. Oh, no. Oh, hell no, dude. Yeah, I'm not fucking 18% to 20%. These dudes look great. I know, dude.

That's the thing that pisses me off because they give you like the example and the dudes are all like like they're very well built not like pod they're not podcaster built yeah i don't know what their what their height looks like you can tell that they've never done a podcast a day in their lives oh god damn dude i'm a fucking slob that was actually jarring to look at i don't even know how to kick it though what am i gonna just stop drinking Bob, that was actually jarring to look at. Fuck. I don't even know how to kick it, though. What, am I going to just stop drinking? It doesn't seem realistic. I genuinely think if I stopped drinking, I would get, like, so shredded so fast.

And I even just need to take the half measure where I'm just like, I'll maybe drink, like, just vodka and water or something like that. Yeah, that's like, if that's what I'm just going to stop drinking. just vodka and water or something like that yeah that's like if that take tequila and water but every time i go out i'm like oh that little like ginger sugar pineapple drink looks good and i just wind up pouring fucking sugar straight into my fucking gullet it's i just like beer like i'm a b i'm a i'm a beer fan bro bro fucking virtually dat me up bro i love beer man i don't get it i don't want to go i don't want to go out and drink fucking gin and tonics for every drink. Dude, wait.

So on Saturday, I went to Francis' birthday party. I didn't get there until later at night. No, he said not to invite you. But I got to the party later at night, and they were cleaning up their porch, and they were like, dude, we have this one last mushroom chocolate. I just want to put it away unless you want it. And I was like, sure. I'll love to dabble with a drug. It was the fucking wrong decision.

And I think that I can really handle pretty much any drug that's thrown at me. I was thrown into a fucking another universe by this. thrown at me i was thrown into a fucking another universe by this we were playing they he started playing some board game called uh uh something about like finding the hitler you had to like it was like hidden it was called secret hitler and fuck it was a game like a mafia type game like built around lying and like sussing out who was a fascist and who was a hitler and for the rest of the night i thought that like i didn't know who i was supposed to be lying to and who i was supposed to be telling the truth i got fucking trapped in the game i was just getting completely dominated by this secret hitler game that that francis was playing with his aryan friends it was fucking preposterous what is it so

that's just like a like a murder mystery type thing have you ever played the game mafia where there's like yeah yeah yeah it was basically like uh three people were fascists one person was secret hitler and like eight people were uh were liberals were fucking libs and the libs had to suss out the hitler we played three times i was a fascist every time just by luck of the draw fascist twice hitler once we won the game every time dude i was an incredible liar on these mushrooms but it it threw me into a fucking loop i was like are these gonna be tough he's like no it'll half an hour to kick in and it'll last for an hour it'll be super mild i felt like everything was on like the 0.5 filter and i was like zoomed

out for the rest of the night it was like five five in the morning. I felt like I was holding on to a roller coaster. I got my ass whipped by these fucking mushrooms. I could never do that. Yeah, yeah. That sounds miserable. They might be, I don't know. That was a tough drug, even more so than just taking mushrooms.

It was like the mushroom chocolate. They're like, yeah, it's this whole microdosing thing. And then it just fucking, it was like a hard drug experience i felt like i was back in bonnaroo i felt like i was back on the farm i would do mushrooms if they lasted for like 45 seconds i think that's what salvia was it would last for just like a like 90 seconds or something like that doesn't like dmt only last for like 10 minutes i think d, yeah, like 15 minutes or something like that, 11 minutes maybe. But, yeah, it did feel like a lifetime or you wouldn't know you were in it.

Why, Owen? You used to smoke some salvia? A little DMT, Owen? Humble. I remember like a bunch of kids I was in high school with all started like doing salvia. I had no idea what it was. So then I did it and i drove home crashed my car dui jail no jail

no i would never i would never put that fucking poison in my body i would never fucking drink and drive dude if you ever need a fucking ride anywhere, fucking call me. Dude, I don't care where you are. I don't care if you're in Europe. I will be on a flight right away and I will be there to drive you home. Do not get behind the fucking wheel drunk.

Do not. That's so real. Seriously, fucking call me. I don't care if I'm fucking asleep. I don't care if I've been killed in my own drunk driving accident. Dude, I don't care if I'm drunk. I'll drunk drive

and pick you up. Better me than you. And I'll drive us home. Better two drunk people driving than one. Than one because that's four sets of eyes on the road seeing eight different roads at that point. One of them has to be right. I'm being serious about this. I'm going to pick you up in one of the student driver cars with two wheels.

And we can both decide what the right decision to make is. Just fighting over it. Those two wheels definitely don't work unless somebody, like, defers hard. I've never – the cars that we drove never had that. They just had two brakes. Like, they had brakes on the teacher's side. The other person could brake? I feel like I was –

They didn't have two wheels, though. You might have taken a couple times to pass your test. You can be honest. No, but I did actually have to go twice because – So – No, I didn't fail my test. Hit the nail on the head? I showed up, and my permit was so fucked up because I put it through the washing machine.

And I thought they would be fine with it, and I taped it all up and everything. And I got in the car ready to take my test, and they were like, no way. They were like, you can't use this. this is like a legal document and it's destroyed and i was like damn so you actually put it through the wash yeah i had to wait like another month until i could do it damn that's devastating shame on you for thinking that the government would let some fucking slap dick shit like that slide. Oh, no. The government doesn't fuck around, dude. Government doesn't play. Shit has to be fucking laminated twice. Hard as a fucking rock.

I don't know how you've gotten so many fake IDs through all the places you've gotten fake IDs through. Dude, I've used fake IDs at airports. Why? Like to get through security just for fun. Just to live on the edge? just to see if it would work and it does oh right this way sir all the time they take you to a little private section of the airport you didn't know your alter ego is jason bourne they're just ushering you right through to the top that's a lot where are we at in Philly Where you used a fake ID

I guess we shouldn't say where But you used a fake ID We can say where I forget what it was called But fuck that place Those guys are assholes No no no They let you in

No I don't think so Yes I'm talking about the place That we went to that let you in That had a machine That like scanned the ID They put it on there Like an infrared beam

But the ID is scan But they're fake yeah like the scanning part's the easiest part i think because they just have to like make a qr code or whatever it is a barcode that scans like all it takes is just it just needs to beep and they let you in i can't imagine being the fucking bartender that's just telling people no it's just a preposterous move it's just uh like what why do you take your job so seriously that you're just gonna be like hey you can't fucking get into this bar you're a dickhead it's a it's a dickhead move and further it's an asshole move yeah i don't know

i'm excited to not have to deal with that shit anymore bro one week one freaking week until i'm 21 you need to take uh you need to do one of those videos where it's like, everything tonight. And you're just fucking like turning. Zone, zone, let's go get it on. Just fucking turn it. You gotta do it.

Maybe I should do like one of those, like one of those build up videos like that. Yeah, yeah. But it's like every day, like. Yeah, yeah. Seven days. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That would be awesome. awesome yeah i should definitely do

that that would crush yeah actually oh that would crush on socials dude and speaking of socials i've been looking to get my grades up oh my god dude so we got an email we got an email friday after we recorded a news dump friday news dumps are typically when teams will report that their top executive beat a member of their training staff or something like that. Or something terrible happened within an organization, a news dump, because they know nobody's going to pay attention to it or people will be super pissed. But the only thing that's saving them from being pissed is that it's the freaking weekend and we're trying to have us some fun and so they gave us a news dump on friday afternoon that was bad news that reflects i mean it wasn't it's not bad news oh yes it is you work at a social media my friend company my friend and you're pulling fucking d's and f's that's bad i don't think it like i don't think it matters as much as like people act like it does well

explain what the email was. Explain what it was. Followers on Instagram doesn't reflect how many people listen to the podcast. Yeah. Well, I mean, yeah, yeah. Explain what the email was. We got an email saying our great— They gave us a report card based on social media.

Based on our social media presence on for son of a boy dad and um we failed facebook we got like a d and instagram i think we got a i think we got a d in tiktok is that why you're in new hampshire because you got exiled up there because your parents were so me out of the house after I failed Facebook. What the fuck is this? You try to get home before your parents so you can hide the report card from them. Two D's? Two fucking D's!

Not in this house! You don't neglect Facebook, not in this house. How is your Me not in this house how is your meme all gonna keep up with you dude it was literally like the scene in goodfellas when the dad finds out that henry hasn't been going to school for three months three months they're furious um and then they didn't give us a grade for Twitter. Like, what the fuck? That's our best social media, bro. That's our favorite platform. They just wanted to dub us.

They just wanted to, like, shit down our throats. And I don't think anyone else got off the report card, dude, except us. Did you see any other – oh, did anybody else get it? Did Anus get it? Anus did not get a report card. Yeah, exactly. Was it, like, a progress report? Wait, who else got it?

We're talking to him, Mike Tyler. Every brand, because like quarter one's ending, is getting like report cards and stuff. And what I'm currently fighting with is the fact that like they're grading us off of quantity of posts instead of like quality. Granted, we probably could get up a couple more, but nobody like, it's just like how many times you post really.

It's just like the- That's all they care about? Yeah, like the frequency of how you post is what you get the grades on. We don't have Facebook, so it's like, yeah, we're gonna get F. Instagram, we got a D. TikTok we did well,

because I just throw everything up there, but it's only quantity instead of quality from what I gathered. Dude, it's so – That's so dumb. And the thing is, I'm a quality person, bro. I'm not a quantity person. I hate quantity.

They also want like – They left this league in it and they got valedictorian. They did? Yeah. Just because of the volume? Mm-hmm. They got valedictorian? Dude, it's just – It's a tough position to be in because they're like, They did. Why? Just because of the volume? Mm-hmm. They got volume, Dictorian.

Dude, it's just a tough position to be in because they're like, we want a ton of posts, and we want them all to be really fucking good. Like, we want all the groceries in one bag, but we want the bag to be light. Like, you just can't have both things simultaneously. No, you can't. They're trying to double dick us because at the beginning of this show, at the beginning of Son of a Boy Dad, they're like, Lil Sasquatch, your YouTube channel is fucking churning right now. We're going to put Son of a Boy Dad on your YouTube channel. And you're like, shouldn't we make a YouTube for the show? And they're like, no, yours has numbies right now.

We're going to put it on there. They were like, no, no, no, no, no, no. Sweet summer child. You don't get YouTube. Look. You don't get YouTube. Look, you don't get YouTube. Do you need your binky right now? Are you going to cry? How old are you, 20?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. This jacket's leather. Only people over the age of 28 get YouTube. They definitely patronize you. They're like, are you sure that's what you want to do? And basically now they're saying that they want us to do, they want us to. Switch YouTubes to a whole new YouTube. To make a whole new YouTube.

Yeah. And guess what, guys? We're not going to freaking let them. They can't dictate our decisions. Link our arms and we're going to fucking march on fucking Dave's office. We're going to march on Milton and we're going to let them know. All the sons of boy dad together. They're not going to fucking mow us down like this.

They're not going to make us change. It is just preposterous to have it going one direction because they wanted it one direction. And them to be like, hands up, we were wrong about that one. We're going to undo everything. We're going to reply to toilet paper. I don't care about it being. We're going to undo everything. We're going to re-ply the toilet paper. I don't care about it being on my YouTube at all. That doesn't mean anything to me. I care about the fact that if we switch YouTubes,

if we switch YouTubes. No, no, no. The thing about this show is I don't care about it, but fuck where it is. No, I don't. We would switch YouTubes to a Son of a Boy Dad new channel, which we would take a huge hit from. And I don't. I don't. Like, we would switch YouTubes to a son of a boy dad new channel, which we would take a huge hit from. And I don't want to take any, like, there's, I don't want to take any hits if we don't

have to take any hits. Your mental health is bad enough as it is right now. Yeah, exactly. It's literally the last thing we need. If we got below 10K views an episode on YouTube, I'd freaking kill myself. No, seriously. We would have to, we would be scraping your brains off the wall behind you. It would be fucking terrible.

We'd have to go claim your body in New Hampshire. Identify your corpse. It would be bad for your mental health. Yeah, it would be really annoying. I should probably turn a fucking light on. Hold on, give me a second. You got it, brother. And while you're turning that light on, I want to tell these fucking sweet people about ShipStation, our brothers over there, our absolute brothers in arms. With ShipStation, you will never worry about shipping again. Make the switch to a solution that handles your shipping needs quickly, affordably, and painlessly. ShipStation is your friend, your friend in need, and a friend in need is a friend indeed they'll look out for

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Make ship happen. You look significantly worse, my brother. Do I really? Yeah completely backlit Oh man Just uh What if can you turn your shit around So those lights are like hitting your face

No Turn those lights off No I don't think so Turn those lights off You're super shadowed right now Almost offensive. Yeah, yeah. A little bit offensive, honestly.

There we go. That's better. Yeah, that is a little bit better. Now we just see the tip of your nose just poking through. Nothing else but the tip of your nose. And that's shit that you'll only get on YouTube. Yeah, you're lurking in the shadows back there. No one needs to see my face, bro.

Please like this on YouTube Please subscribe on YouTube Thumbs the fuck this up on YouTube Thumbs it up Sit on it and fucking rotate brother It's the only way Real shit bro should we talk about the Oscars? Let's talk about the Oscars bro

Let's talk about Should we talk about how our democracy was threatened last night? By who? After a terrorist attack. Oh, by Will? Dude, I'm glad I didn't really talk about this much today on any other programs because to me it was the most culturally significant act that's ever happened in my lifetime. And I'm not even fucking— Oh, not even that was worse than yeah that was that was like worse than the january 6th riots because it all happened at once yeah comedy was threatened last night you and i had the exact same reaction right away was it real and really you should take us through i think everyone's reaction was was it

real and at what point did you think it was fake? Did you ever have a pang of thinking that it didn't really happen? Dude, I don't, like, okay, so when he walked up, I was like, I didn't think anything of it. You know what I mean? Like, when he started walking up to the stage. Because Kanye does that literally all the time. Yeah, I thought he was going to clap with the microphone. Or, like, go up and, like, turn on a microphone and say something.

Or even pretend to hit him and the whole room laughs. Yeah, yeah, yeah was going to grab the microphone or go up and turn on a microphone and say something. Or even pretend to hit him and the whole room laughs. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and everyone would laugh. Dude, after he hit him and the microphone cut out and it showed him again screaming, I was like, dude, I got the chills. Did you? Yeah, I was like, wait, what the fuck just happened? As someone who loves pop culture, I'm witnessing history right now. No, but it just felt like something like that was like, dude, I had to like, we were watching the Oscars like loosely at my house. And I was like, I want to see who wins best picture.

I wanted to see who won best actor because I like tick, tick, boom. And I wanted Andrew Garfield to win. That's the only reason we were watching. And then that just like happened to happen. And I was like, damn, lucky freaking me. It was awesome. I've never seen such an awesome event. I think that a lot of people are up in arms

about like what you can joke about. And I've seen it go in both ways. They're like, you can't joke about alopecia. How are you going to joke about something that affects people's mental health or like a degenerative thing that women have to deal with or whatever? And then I saw it swing the whole other way when people were like, are you really making fun of an assault?

Are you really going to make fun of – both things were awesome. The joke was awesome. The people that were jumping into that acting like it was fucking – like an actual big deal are losers. I mean it was a big deal. are losers. I mean, it was a big deal. Yeah, but it was like, the big deal should be like, holy shit, Will Smith just fucking slapped Chris Rock in the face.

It shouldn't be like, okay, well, Chris Rock better be pressing charges, and I want to see Will Smith behind bars. They need to take away his, like, what is taking away his, you're, like, going to take his trophy away from him? Like, it's his toy and he's a child? He still won the fucking Oscar. It doesn't do anything. Yeah, I mean I do wish his speech was fucking insane.

Like he's not well right now. Yeah, I think that he makes you look very sound of mind right now. Oh, dude, he makes me look like I'm a saint. Like a Mensa fucking candidate. Like a fucking well-rounded scholar at this point.

Yeah. He might be a— That was nuts. He might be an idiot. Has anyone explored that? Is Will Smith just stupid as fuck? Has anyone thought about maybe he's just dumb as fuck? I just can't believe that he stayed.

I can't believe they let him stay. That was a crazy thing to me. That everybody was like, Bradley Cooper's coming up and grabbing him by the hips, being like, I'm so sorry this happened to you, brother. This is fucking terrible. No, I think it wasn't the rumor that Bradley Cooper was like, you can't do that. Was he? Did he say that?

I think Bradley Cooper and someone else tried to calm him down, and they were like, you can't do that. I don't know. I mean, it didn't seem like anybody gave him that hard of a time. Samuel L. Jackson was dapping him up. Fucking Denzel Washington was making it like Tiffany Haddish had his back. So many people were just like, fuck yeah. Does no one like Chris Rock?

That's what I didn't understand. I thought Chris Rock was like a universally loved person. I thought that he was very likable at every single level. And people have made, or one thing that annoyed me about it was like when people are like you don't fucking joke about someone who's going through something it's like i'm pretty sure that most people when they go through something want to joke about it like they want to have like a little bit of levity that's like a bad look for everybody who has like any type of disability that they're like no you're never allowed to joke about

anything that like i think a lot of people enjoy it like they like it being poked fun at especially by a world-class comedian it's just like there's more fucking billionaire bitch that got fucking roasted she's like beat the fuck out of him dude i mean if you go to a show at like the stand or the comedy cell or anything like if you sit in the front row they're gonna make fun of you like for anything yeah what is my boy cypher sounds gonna do is cypher sounds gonna have to fucking keep that thing on him now is cypher sounds gonna have a fucking billy club so he can fucking beat people off and dude people do try to storm the stage at regular comedy shows what do you bet rarely rarely a little i've seen it happen a couple times yeah i i bet that that I bet he was like walking up the stage

Walking up on the stage towards Chris Rock And I bet in his head he was like This is gonna be funny Like I'm just like messing around And then I bet once he slapped him He was probably like holy shit Like why did I just do that And then I think the adrenaline probably kicked in

When he got back to his seat And then he was like probably freaking the fuck out a little bit i don't think he freaked the fuck out at all i think that he got so much affirmation his screaming was like batshit crazy keep my wife's name out of your fucking mouth it is bad i look at will smith um a complete 180 degrees different from how i looked at him i thought that he was lovable that that to me doesn't make him him any more lovable i know some people are like thank you for fucking defending your wife or whatever it's like uh really it seems like he if you really wanted to defend your wife you could have did it like at a time like backstage and you could still slap the fuck out of him and you don't have to make it a spectacle in front of everybody or like imagine

like quest love winning an award and it's like all people are going to remember from your fucking uh oscar win is that somebody like got the shit slapped out of him beforehand i mean he ruined narcissistic yeah he essentially ruined the oscars for everyone else that was there. Except for he also made it the best Oscar ever. Yeah, you couldn't even, like, I bet people don't even remember most of the awards last night. Only thing I remember is. Oh, yeah. In my house, we were all doing this. That's all I remember is the fucking hands.

I've never seen CODA, but I'll watch it now. It looks good. It also, those award shows are always a reminder of why those people are actors and not writers. Because they just say the stupidest fucking shit whenever they get up there. Like, I was not expecting to win this. I do not have anything prepared. It's like, everyone says the same exact. It's fucking frustrating. I mean, dude, one person was like, oh, was it Amy Schumer when she was talking?

And she's like, like she kept on like throwing things in in the middle of when she was like talking, like trying to be like funny. And she was like, yeah, I mean, so we have one more show. There's literally a genocide going on in Ukraine. And then like something else. It was like, what does that do for anyone? Everyone fucking knows that. Yeah, that's some— Why do people think that, like, the—

like, giving a speech at, like, the Oscars is going to change anything about a fucking massive war that's going on? It's because she just made it about herself, and so it's like she gets the brownie points for it. It's some Brooklyn-ass comedy. Yeah, I mean, dude, like, wearing a fucking ribbon with the ukraine flag on it is like that's not gonna do anything you're not right it's not like the black lives matter movement where people are like raising awareness about like oh the police brutality is happening and all this shit it's like

everyone knows there's a war happening in ukraine and we can't do anything about that the people uh the amount of self-love is just so fucking crazy that's going on there. There's like no lack of self-love. These people don't need to preach that like sometimes we have to take shit and everybody shits on us and they're mean to us. It's like, dude, you're a billionaire with a hard B. Like you've really earned the most privilege that anybody can have that you can literally walk around slapping the fuck out of people you're a king you're literally a king on this earth your burdens like are are not that fucking they're not what you're making them out to be

no i mean i feel like enough about little sasquatch i mean i feel like maybe will smith's uh speech might have not been as like dumb if he didn't just fucking knock out Chris Rock. Right? He didn't even acknowledge. How do you go up there and not acknowledge that? I thought he was going to apologize to Chris Rock. Dude, he said he began to. He was like, I'm sorry to the Academy.

And then his wife was like, shut the fuck up. Know your fucking norm. And then he just didn't say Chris Rock. It was the best night in Twitter history though. Oh, it was an awesome night. I love the nights where you tweet like anything

and then all of a sudden it just starts getting like thousands of likes rapidly. Yeah, just the shared collective joy. It really is like bodies, it's like riding a wave. It's like if you just get on the front of the wave and start like dumping shit out it is just fun to to realize it all in

in uh in real time it was i was in like a twitter spaces last night at like 1 a.m listening to people talk about it and they were like dissecting the whole situation what did they did they the detectives get to the bottom of anything good no No, they, like, weren't even—it was very civil. It was a weirdly civil conversation. They were just like, yeah, look, I mean, Chris, he went too far. He stepped over the line, blah, blah, blah. And then, like, someone else would come in with their opinion. It was, like, weirdly calm spaces.

Yeah. It just, yeah, blows my mind how much everybody was on his dick afterwards like i was not expecting anyone to be like will smith like you're a hero like who was that girl who was the lady that came up to like what's what's his nut wife's name jada jada yeah and was like you gotta suck his dick from behind tonight. Like, why? Like, first of all, she's not sucking his dick. You got to suck August Alsina's dick from behind.

She thanked him by sucking off August from behind. You got to loosen up his dick cage a little bit tonight. Dude, and their relationship is so weird oh i i i didn't like it i don't like them anymore yeah there's not a lot to like or even jayden being like that's how we fucking do it in our family oh i didn't even see that yeah he was tweeting about it i don't know i wouldn't know how i'd feel if my parents were just acting like that it's crazy how people probably just got like five years worth of material out of that 15 second interaction so i don't know i feel like it forever like uh clouds chris rock's perception like i think that in his obituary it's going to be one of the first five

paragraphs which sucks not dude i hope he doesn't feel like an asshole for that like that joke was not that offensive at all and and it was pretty funny. It also wasn't that – but it wasn't that funny either. It was like an old joke. I didn't even get it at first. Yeah, exactly. It's like old. It's like G.I. Jane's not necessarily – it's like kind of a bait joke, but it's also like that's the joke that you make about somebody in that situation.

It's like the famously shaved head woman that's like not Britney Spears. Like, I don't know. It's a fucking, it was a weird time. It's weird that people are also like, like you finally realize that, fuck it, you can say whatever you want, but you might get slapped in the face for it. It's like, I don't really think that that's,

that that's the right move. Like, I don't really think that that's like the way going I don't really think that that's the way going forward. Especially from having been in battle rap and shit like that. That's like you're saying crazy shit to somebody, and they're saying crazy shit to you, and there's some kind of construct or verbal agreement or nonverbal agreement that you're like you're not going to be assholes to each other and that's the exact same at award shows or like roasts or

whatever like the person person on stage is going to make jokes and the people in the audience like might find some of them right around the line but that's literally what comedy is and you can't say people can't joke about shit the fuck yeah i mean also like a lot of people don't have the same status as fucking will smith like you can't just be going around slapping people in the face like if you if you were in the crowd at like a fax bro say if chris rock did like a set at like the comedy seller and you were in the crowd and he made a joke about you that you didn't like if you go up and slapped chris rock in the face you're going to fucking prison exactly what happened if chris rock like what if he slipped it and then like uh like squared up or like swung back at will smith would they have just let them

like brawl on stage would other actors come up and like separate them dude if you see the like the the the freeze cam or whatever he's got like the slap going and then it looks like he's got the left hand jab just like ready to go and that yeah and he just left it away and it but yeah he was kind of even maybe defending himself dude it was it was locked and loaded like he was ready to start like an actual fight that would have been they would have canceled like they would have just cut the oscars right i don't think they would have i think that they kept on like when he was like speaking he what was he like fucking snotting all over the place or some shit and they kept on turning off the camera they cut away because uh venus venus williams nipple came out oh really yeah yeah you

got to check back that footage brother i thought it was because he was like Put it in the fat deck bro Throw it in the bank I'm gonna have to check that out after this Holy shit You're gonna fucking love it bro Bottom right of the screen Yeah oh yeah Take a little dive on that one Dude there was so much glee on everybody's faces

In the room when it all happened The rocks face dude I think that was can't even that was an old i think that was an old was that old yeah yeah that i thought it was old but then i saw something else say that made me feel like it was i think kidman was real and then lapita nuongo was like uh she was like so gleeful even as like will smith was yelling like she had like the smile on her face everybody just has like the hint of a smile around their eyes. Even people who pretend to be shocked because they fucking love that shit. Just like I almost,

dude, I could barely watch. I was like so uncomfortable, especially not like his speech. Wasn't even the like uncomfortable part. It was after like the awards after that where like no one's mentioning it. It's like, you know,

everyone in the world is talking about that right now. And they're just like trying to like steamroll mentioning it. It's like, you know everyone in the world is talking about that right now. And they're just trying to steamroll over it. You saw that bartender tweet about how he, like people just stopped drinking after that happened. Everybody was just locked in. So a bartender at the event said everyone just stopped drinking. He said the best people at the event too,

Rami Malek and Reba. Best people. Shout out to Reba. That's awesome. Bro, we gotta get Rami Malek on the podcast. I don't think so, bro. He seems like a dick. Seems like an absolute dick. Seems like he never

uses Coinbase in his fucking life. No, never. Seems like he is not into cryptocurrency at all. Seems like he doesn't even get crypto. Did you see that dope-ass crypto Ukraine commercial last night? I didn't because I was buried in my phone.

What were they saying? Were they talking about Coinbase? Just talking about, uh, you know. Why don't we just hop into the freaking... I know their commercial wasn't as good as the commercial from the Super Bowl, that Coinbase commercial with the floating QR code. No. The Coinbase commercial was debatably the best commercial

ever. Damn, you look like you just opened up the suitcase in Pulp Fiction. Your face is glowing right now. Well, I just opened up the ad. Damn, what did you just win a Bitcoin off of it? I just won a Coinbase. You won an entire Coinbase off of it? Have you been looking to level up

your financial portfolio? Coinbase. It's always about diversity. Why not think about cryptocurrency? Sure, play the stock market a little bit if that's for you, but you should also be getting into the crypto world a little bit because it's backed by the world's leading investors and Coinbase will keep your portfolio safe and secure while adding crypto right into the mix. That means that you're going to have a nice, diverse portfolio. And that's the way to build a house that's never going to fall over. That's the way to have some perfect construction on that house.

And that house, of course, is your fucking bank account. Because, Sass, I haven't seen you at the bank in a minute. Maybe it's because you're in the crypto world with Coinbase. They support the most popular digital currencies on the market, whether that be fucking ETH or whatever the other fucking ones are, and you make them accessible to everyone. For a limited time,

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The offer is a limited time only. Dude, don't fucking say that, dude. This is a sponsor of mine. Okay? Does the lighting still look shitty like this? It looks way worse than it did a second ago. Just reopen the Coinbase app so you can... Reopen the Coinbase.

Yeah, that's way better. Try the lights one more time. Dude, I don't know what the fuck to do. This is better. No, this is way better than that. I don't know where the lights are. You look like you're at a cabin in New Hampshire. I am.

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Hell yes. How did you get that sponsor? Payola. I look out for them, they look out for me. It's the only place I trade on that's top that's top dude i went to the natural history museum over the weekend that's ill have you ever seen a dinosaur skeleton oh yeah where where where the boston science museum is it is it though oh really yep t-rex is uh we were kind of goofs, to be honest.

A little bit. Short-ass hands. The short-ass hands does look way goofier up in person. When you're really right next to a fucking dinosaur. Yeah. No shit. Dude, one of the things that struck me while I was at this natural history museum, they had a bunch of

brains of a different animals and fucking there were four that they had lined up smallest brain great white shark second smallest brain a dog brain then it was the human brain and then it was the fucking dolphin brain way bigger than the human brain i can't say dolphins are the smartest animals dude well how come they don't have roads or fucking porno or fucking microwaves or fucking only other animals have sex for pleasure they do have sex for pleasure so and do you think that that's what all their entire brain is is just like a like reward system like it just drives them to have sex for pleasure maybe i mean dude they they don't have thumbs like i've come to the horniness you can't do shit if you don't have intelligence wait say that again that would imply

horniness as a sign of intelligence i think it is now horniness is not a sign of intelligence the devil will come for you when you're at your that will come for you when you're at your highest when you're at your highest points brother What the fuck was he talking about? I don't know, dude. It sounded like he was just looked up like a bunch of motivational quotes and was just reading them off. Yeah, Denzel was just,

you could tell even Denzel when he said that quote, like you could see that Denzel was smiling in his eyes, that he was getting a little bit of shine. Well, it was like the biggest moment of the night. But dude, it just bugged me out that dolphins' brains are that much bigger than

sharks. That sharks are just fucking dummies. Dude, sharks look stupid. They do? I think they just look mean. I don't think they look that stupid. They swim around with their mouths wide open, constantly mouth breathing. And then like... They can't even tell the difference between a human and a seal

that's why they kill humans you think that dolphins really can yeah dude dolphins like swim with humans but why don't they do more better shit than dolphins like i feel like the only thing that they want them to do they live in the water they but their brains are bigger than ours they should be doing better shit. I think the dolphins should be more impressive. They don't have hands or thumbs. So why don't they find a way to grow hands then? Or why don't they make prosthetic hands?

If our brains are tinier than their brains, why don't we figure out prosthetics and robotics? And they can't even scratch the surface of that. Maybe they will. Maybe they have already, dude. We just don't know because we can't get to those depths of't get to those depths of the ocean you think it's just going on super deep yeah they probably have dude they probably have coinbase down there they definitely have coinbase they're definitely trading that's what those little slots are in their back you just drop in your little bitcoin in their back you drop a bitcoin in there dude what if they're like q what if they develop

bitcoin down there what if they're the fathers? What if they developed Bitcoin down there? What if they're the fathers of cryptocurrency? They could, dude. They could have. No one really knows where that stuff came from anyway. It might have come from the depths of the ocean. Dogs also. It disappointed me that dogs had tiny ass brains as well. It's like you guys are fucking.

You don't appreciate me at all. They gave dogs like small ass brains, but they can like smell shit like crazy. Yeah, it's all smell. And they're always smelling butthole and ass crack. Yeah. Ball sack. Yesterday, I was sitting on the couch, and I had a little, like, sliver of a crumb of a piece of cookie next to my phone. And it was in between my phone and, like, a book.

And my dog was looking for it for, like, ten minutes. Like, he just and it was in between my phone and like a book and my dog was looking for it for like 10 minutes like he just knew it was there and then it must have smelled delicious to him it must have smelled incredible like dude like he could not see it in any way but he just knew it was there mind-blowing if you had to trade truly mind how good those good puppers are if you had to trade uh lives with any of those three a dog a shark or a dolphin which one would you trade up with dog easily really but i want to be a domesticated dog why wouldn't you trade lives with a dolphin then if you're saying they're these geniuses who have sex dolphins aren't dolphins still have shit to worry about that

they after they can get killed at any time you think they do worry who's even hunting dolphins humans humans it also had any dolphin soup it probably is delicious that's a pastime in my family dolphin soup are you guys japanese or what you ever see the videos of those japanese beaches where they just fucking genocide dolphins. They just are fucking killing dolphins. It's bloody as hell. They're just stabbing them. It's super archaic. You've got to pull one up. Watch these dolphin genocides.

It sounds disturbing, though. It's truly disturbing. It's truly horrific. It sounds whack. Different cultures just have respect for different animals. We love the dog. We love the dolphin. Some people kill the dog. Some people kill the animals. We love the animal. We love the dog. We love the dolphin. Some people kill the dog.

Some people kill the dolphin. We kill the cow. Some people kill the cow. True. Does anyone, like, domesticate the cow? I don't know. People, I mean, you've seen, like— Do anyone domesticate the cow?

Domesticate the cow? Bro, are you spitting bars right now? Domesticate the cow. You've got to domesticate the cow. Dude, I mean, actually do i think people do domesticate cows i think they have them around i don't think they bring them inside their house people domesticate pigs just randomly yeah that's weird though they like people are trying domesticate animals that aren't like popularly domesticated you it usually ends poorly i also

do think it's weird though when people like I'll see like Frank the Tank when he'll see an article about people cloning meat he'll be like this was always the fucking plan and there's like this like subtext to that that he's pissed off that they're gonna be cloning meat that he just always wants animals to be killed. Like he just

needs a steady like flow of animals being killed all the fucking time and he refuses to consider any type of alternative to just tons of animals being killed all the fucking time and he refuses to consider any type of alternative to just tons of animals being killed like i love yeah i fucking eat like i i think that uh eating meat has been germane to the fucking uh progression of humans in society but at the same time like if we couldn't like stop killing a bunch of animals like i have like a little bit of empathy for a cute-ass fucking cow. Yeah, me too.

I mean, I would stop eating steak if they came up with some good alternative. But, brother, I'm not touching tofu. Let me tell you that. Oh, no. I don't want a fucking substitute. I need it fully cloned. I need it to be the exact same thing as meat. Well, yeah.

I mean, if they cloned it and it was, like, no one had to die for it, I would definitely be eating that shit. But I think some people insist on the death. I think some people like the death. They like the taste of the death in their teeth. I really think that that's what does it for some people. Which, you know, more power to them, but it's a little bit twisted.

Yeah, I don't know. That's weird. That's freaking weird. What are you about to eat while you're up there in Nemshire by yourself? I don't know. I's weird. That's freaking weird. What are you about to eat while you're up there in Nemshire by yourself? I don't know. I just ate a bunch of ramen noodles. Oh, you're on your poor shit. Yeah, I might have a frozen pizza for dinner. Oh, you're on your poor shit.

I'm probably not going to be here for that long. I'm probably just going to be here for today, tomorrow. Are you talking about Earth? I'm probably going to go home on Wednesday. I've been getting a lot of messages. I was getting cabin fever. People worried about you. I was getting cabin fever like 10 minutes into being here.

Yeah, literally. Is it a cabin? Whose house is it? It's a cabin, bro. Whose cabin is it? This is mine. I just bought it. Here's a message I got from a Twitter account

Hey, hi Roan I love watching you and Sass I'm really concerned about him Please make sure he is okay You guys crack me up I am 60 years young and just love you both Mental health is a real issue Take care and thanks for the laughs

60, dude That's crazy That's fire I got a lot of nice uh i got a lot of nice messages from people i got some mean ones too but uh mostly nice ones i'd be lying if i didn't ask or if i if i said i didn't want to know what the mean ones were i just want to know what the mean ones are what are the mean they really weren't they're really surprisingly were not very many mean ones there was just some people being like you don't know how good you have it. And then other people, it was basically just that.

I love when people say that when someone's going through something. You don't know how good you've got it, brother. That's what I'm telling Will Smith right now. Brother, you don't know how... Me and Will Smith are going through the same shit right now, dude. Yeah, except for he's being like applauded by it and people are still going online to fucking shit down your throat. Did you see we all slapped each other on the act today?

We had a slap show. Yeah, I was so happy I missed that. That would have actually broke me. If I was still there, that would have – if I came back today and that was the first thing I came back for, oh, brother, that would have been a mess. I would have been getting airlifted out of New York. Just a full actual breakdown after Brandon Walker slaps you in like a professional manner.

Like he slaps you like he did at Bond. Not really. It was kind of nice, honestly. I've gotten slapped before. Have you ever seen the video of me getting slapped when I was, like, in high school? No, brother. I don't think I have. Pull it up and hold it up to the screen.

Oh, dude, this shit went viral. Viral. No, it didn't. Did it? Let me try and find it. No, but somehow someone on the Reddit found it. Of you getting slapped? Yeah, and they posted it on there.

And, wait, have I never told this story? I feel like I've told this story. I don't know. I don't ever think about this story? I feel like I've told this story. I don't know. I don't ever think about this podcast the seconds that I get out of it. Yeah, me neither. I don't remember what we recorded like 15 minutes ago. Okay, when I was a senior in high school, we went to the Patriots Day Parade, and I got like super wasted.

You said Patriots Day? What the fuck is that? Or Patriots Parade. Patriots Parade. The Patriots won the Super Bowl. You guys win so many Super Bowls that you have a day named after it? Yeah. And I was like super fucked up, and I was listening to music in my headphones.

Oh, I think you might have told this story. But finish. And my buddy took them out of my ears, and then I tackled him to the ground on the middle of the road. Yes, yes, yes, yes. You did tell me this. All right. Want to see the video? Yeah.

So then we were in a bathroom at a restaurant, and some kids were filming the video, like these random kids. Like two other kids were in there. And someone posted it, I guess, somewhere. And this is so long ago. Like look how young I look in this. But I eat the punch, dude, or I eat the slap. All right, here we go. Three, two, one.

Okay, on your count, go ahead. Turn your face. Yeah, go ahead. Set it up. Let's go. Three, two, one. Oh! I got rocked.

Oh, fuck. I ate it up. Oh, wow. He, like, stepped through that. He used his entire body weight in that bitch. I deserved it. He cut up his chin super bad when I fucking took him to the floor. Hell, yes.

You wrestled in his ass. Like, no, I don't know, bro. I'll insert that into the video,ano bro I'll insert that into the video though I'll insert that into the I don't know why I never saw that video of it the way he like he like kind of caressed your face back and then slapped you

I know when I saw that video I was genuinely like shocked like dude that that video is like over four years old and like it was like one random kid in the bathroom who recorded it. You said it was a McDonald's bathroom?

No, it was, like, a lobster hut or some shit like that. You New England boys are fucking crazy. You love your fucking lobster. It was crazy. I mean, dude, like, he must have had that video on his phone for, like like however many years. And then somehow he probably saw me from Barstool. Did he know it was you? And they just posted it. Did he know at the time?

I'm saying at the time. Did he know he was Twitter user little Sasquatch? No. I had like 10,000 followers at the time. Bro, you got to put that shit on fucking TikTok, dude. It's going to get our grade up so good. Oh, no. Put it on Facebook, dude.

We need that for our grade. We could probably pass. You could probably take us from like an F to a C minus. Dude, if we just post videos of us getting the shit beat out of us, dude. We need that for our grade. We could probably pass. You could probably take us from an F to a C-. Dude, if we just post videos of us getting the shit beat out of us, dude. Fight compilations do so good. Dude, I used to love fight compilations. I want every single minute of this podcast clipped and put onto the- On every platform.

I need it on every platform. We need to release it every minute as its own pod. Facebook is going to be what makes or breaks this podcast. But don't you guys want them to watch the show or listen to it? No, no, no. No, that doesn't matter, I don't think. We care about people watching or listening to the show. Facebook is what matters.

Yes, that's all that matters. At the end of the day, all that matters is do people like us on Facebook? Sorry. That's how we're getting these 60-year-old fans. How else do you think I'm going to get a message from somebody who's 60 years old? Unless we're getting shit on Facebook. We could have a cacophony of messages from the fucking 60-year-olds.

I haven't been on Facebook in over six years. Hold up. Time out. It's recording again. The Wi-Fi just did the kick, but it's good now. We had a Wi-Fi kick. We're good to go. Wi-Fi just kicked? Yeah, it was a kick. It's a again. The Wi-Fi just did the kick, but it's good now. We had a Wi-Fi kick. We're good to go. Wi-Fi just kicked?

Yeah, it was a kick. It's a kicker. All right. Well, that's a good time to hop into this last ad. Last but absolutely not least, bare bottom. Oh, yes, sir. PG-13. PG-13.

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Agreed. And I'm going to stop it there so I can keep it PG-13. I can sprinkle in one shit for a PG-13. I logged back onto Facebook so I could check it PG-13. I can sprinkle in one shit for a PG-13. I logged back onto Facebook so I could check on our social grade, and there were several... I hadn't been on in a long-ass time, and there were several posts that they were like,

we've removed this from our platform because the caption was inappropriate. So I guess I was really letting it fly in the captions on Facebook back in the day. Dude, I mean, you let it the captions on facebook back in the day but uh dude i mean you let it fly on twitter back in the day i've i've searched up your old tweets yeah bro i was having fun that was back when men were men you could say anything in this fucking country you could joke without repercussions without back before will smith killed comedy yeah some six four 230 pound dude that's gonna beat your ass with his fucking dog like his I Am Legend.

Dude, people don't understand how big of a threat Will Smith is to comedy as we know it. It's over. Democracy has been threatened time and time again by Will Smith. He could've killed a man. Poor John Apatow.

January 6th riots, Will Smith up here. I'm going to give you a quick ranking. Pearl Harbor. Okay. Mild. That was mid. Okay. 9-11.

That was a little something. January 6th. Somewhat significant. Will Smith punching Chris Rock in the fucking face. An atom bomb. For a joke. Literally a nuke. For a joke.

For a fucking joke that probably another writer wrote, and he's just reciting somebody else's line. In a room full of people that just recite other people's lines, you can't just say someone else's lines? Oh, and what was the statement he came out with? Will Smith just posted an apology on Instagram. No. Never apologize, Will.

Did he really? Yeah. He's about to read it. Violence in all of its forms is poisonous and destructive. My behavior at last night's Academy Awards. And that's a long fly ball. I'm just kidding. Castellanos.

Just kidding. Was unacceptable and inexcusable. Jokes at my expense are a part of the job, but a joke about Jada's medical condition was too much for me to bear, and I reacted emotionally. What? Dude, he was literally laughing at the joke. Jokes about Jada's medical condition was too much for me to bear.

I would have loved with the subtext of her glance after he laughed. She was definitely like, you fucked up, fix this, and he just understood right away. I would have loved with the subtext of her glance after he laughed. She was definitely like, you fucked up. Fix this. And he just understood right away. The Providence head coach, Ed Cooley, he's had alopecia for like a decade. People chant bald at him all the time. Literally all the time.

When I was bald, people would chant. People would make bald jokes about me. It's basically the same shit. I would like to publicly apologize to you, Chris Chris I was out of line and I was wrong I'm embarrassed my actions were not indicative he was dancing to getting jiggy with it all fucking night yeah he went clubbing right he was having the time of his life

just performing for a sea of cell phones singing to his own he was dancing to his own song gross and he like put his ear up na na na na na na there's no place in his own song. Gross. And he like put his ear up. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. There's no place in... There's no place for violence in a world of love

and kindness. I would also like to apologize to the Academy, the producers of the show, all the attendees, and everyone watching around the world. I would like to apologize to the Williams family and my King Richard family. I deeply regret that my behavior has stained what has been an otherwise gorgeous journey for all of us.

I am a work in progress. Sincerely, Will. Seems like he's making the opposite of progress. Seems like the work is deteriorating. And he's getting worse after years of public embarrassment. I guess it was just too fucking far. That's weird. I don't like it. Everybody dabbing him up is a fucking loser.

Everybody just being like, you're the fucking man, Will. They were probably scared that he was gonna drop them, too. I heard, I saw, I heard, like, a rumor that he dropped Billie Eilish. Right after Chris Rock, Billie Eilish won, and he went up and he just put her on her fucking ass. And he said, keep my fucking wife's name out of your mouth.

Look at me. He was fucking. Where is she? I heard that there's going to be a new like arcade style video game where Will Smith just goes around the Oscars and fucking beats the fuck out of all the A-list celebrity stars. And if you level up, you can get guns. And just fucking sorting people's heads off. Like chopping Angelina Jolie's head off. The fucking final levels fighting all three Spider-Men together.

Andrew Garfield must have been loving that. He got his moments stolen. 30, 90, 30, 30, 90. 30, 30, 90. 30, 90. Dude, he should have won. And it's so stupid that he didn't win. moment stolen 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 do you boo in sign language is it just thumbs down thumbs down they're just going hard thumbs down to him flipping him off but none of the cameras saw them off they were just screaming

to have their fucking their their voices heard and nobody would turn the camera towards them it is crazy that just like no one like no one said any like did anyone did any celebrities that were there last night like say anything about it and be like, that was crazy? Only Judd Apatow said anything about it. He went way too overboard, and everybody was like, fuck you, Judd Apatow. What about on Freaks and Geeks when fucking this thing happened or some shit? Like, what about this thing 25 years ago that you were a part of? Yeah. Just, like, nobody's allowed to have a fucking opinion anymore, I guess is what I'm trying to say.

Fucking bullshit, man. That's why Podge isn't just... I thought Amy Schumer, like, right when she came back on was funny, and then she just, like, destroyed the entire joke. When she was like, yeah, did anything happen? Yeah, that was funny, and then she just went on with it for, like, 45 minutes. I really pray to God that if I'm ever in a situation like that, that I can have the presence of mind to take a deep breath and make a joke about it in the moment.

Because if Chris Rock made a joke about that in the moment, he's the goat. He's christened. He's like gilded all time. I mean, dude, him even saying that that was like the greatest television moment ever was very quick. Like I would have been – I would have started crying instantly. I would have exploded into tears. I would have exploded into tears. You would have just been balled up on the floor. Yeah. What the fuck?

Why did you do that? What? Here's the nominations for the best documentary. That was written by a writer's room, which by the way is very diverse. documentary.

That was written by a writer's room, which, by the way, is very diverse. Should we wrap it up? Yeah. You want to record again tomorrow? Just maybe see what's going on? I feel like we haven't really heard a lot about Little Sasquatch's world, what's been going on with Little Sasquatch, what he's been up to. All we know is you're eating some Chef Boyardee and you're going to go for a walk tomorrow.

Yeah, I could do that. I'm probably not going to be back until late tomorrow. Or not late, but probably not until the same time as we recorded this. Why don't you get back a little earlier than that? We'll do it then. All right, I'll see what I can do. Just walk fast. I don't understand that you're walking.

It's not that much harder to just add a little bit of pace to your walk. You're going to be alone. You're going to need someone to push the pace. That should be you. Maybe a karaoke. Yeah, do a little karaoke. I'll try my best. Maybe sing a song too while you're at it.

What's your playlist for tomorrow? And what snacks are you bringing? Nature Valley? I don't know. I haven't decided any of that stuff yet. I still have to pack. Damn, dude. Well, enjoy your second home.

Thanks, man. Or your third home, I guess. Appreciate you, brother. Peace. All right. Appreciate you, bro. Good show.