Son of a Boy Dad - Son of a Boy Dad: Ep. 57 - The Alaskan Pipeline

Episode Date: April 26, 2022

-- Sas and Rone discuss comedy sets in Austin, Alaskan Pipelines, NBA playoffs, Elon Musk buying Twitter, & much more -- Full episodes is also available on YouTube -- Like/comment/subscribe/plsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey son of a boy dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Ew. Yeah, we're good. Perfect. Hanging on a child line. When are we putting those sweatshirts out? When are we putting the hats out?

They like just like to tease us with merchandise. Yeah, we got all this dope shit. You can't have it. I'm talking about the maroon ones. Yeah, like just in time for the summer. These aren't ready yet, but the maroon ones. What do they mean ready, dude?

I don't understand what they mean ready. It's like a manufacturer. You are manufacturing something. Yeah, I have no idea. I don't know if like, I'm assuming these take longer to make than the Gildan. Go whenever you guys want. Let's go, Tyler.

All right, ready? What's up, everybody? Welcome back to Son of a Boy Dad Podcast. Today is Monday. It is April 25th. What time is it? It's 1120 AM. Okay.

Fuck yes, dude. Good morning. Good morning. Good morning to you, my brother. The fire's crackling. Oh, yeah. Fuck yeah. Tyler's in this bitch.

Owen is derelict on his duties. Owen's out in Tampa, I believe. I think they start in Tampa, and then they go like five different cities. But he's on a bus for two weeks. Damn. I don't even think he's getting flown out yeah like he's doing the competition without the competition that's terrible yeah he's not even part of the competition doesn't have any chance to win any money fucking poor guy oh I thought it was another video coming up a fucking queue of just different fires we got a bunch of fires going for eight hours straight Oh awesome So we're good Dude uh

Good to see you brother Yeah nice to see you too Happy birthday Oh shit bro You shouldn't have You shouldn't have said that Oh yeah No you shouldn't have said that

I'm happy I did All of our We have a lot of listeners And they're all gonna hear it Yeah And viewers honestly And viewers I was gonna wait until

The very last minute of the episode And then just fucking say it real quick I'd be like You'd be like What dude It was your fucking birthday i wouldn't have known how did you didn't say it sprinkle it in but you never told me yeah you never gave me any heads up or it's not anyone's fucking business dude it's mine this is between me and god it's mine i got a book for you are you serious yeah i'll give it to you after the show is it on managing yourself it might be

because that's just been sitting on your desk. It's not even like you brought it home and then remembered to bring it back in. I could let you borrow my aviation book that I got for my birthday.

Did Barcelona get you anything? No. Actually, it was just one pink slip sitting on my desk. I didn't understand the meaning of it. No score bars?

Yeah, no. I really wanted some new school bars is what I was fucking jonesing for, but I couldn't get any. They were sold out at all my favorite retailers. We were ripping New Schools this week. Were you in Austin? Oh, yeah. You were just eating them willy-nilly?

There's so many ways you can prepare a New School bar, dude. Oh, yeah. I like to have mine with some eggs in the morning. For sure. Or like a New School Benedict. I like to put some hollandaise sauce right on top of my new school bar they're they're amazing buy new school you got to buy new school bro free ads uh dude what i've learned in my uh 25 years on this earth as you graciously pointed

out dude i wish i fucking i wish i whipped more ass and got my ass whipped more. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that would have been my goal, just to get the shit beat out of me and then hone myself into somebody who just constantly beats the shit out of people, who just can fucking instill fear into people just by standing over them. Yeah, that's my only regret is I didn't whip more ass. You didn't whip more ass. I mean, you still got some time. Yeah, I got time to whip ass.

I would say 30s is like peak whipping ass time. Yeah, because you have the sensibilities that you think everything is like, you think you're right about everything. You're like, oh, you're not supposed to fucking do that. Yeah. I know. Especially if you ever have kids, that's when you really start whipping ass. Yeah, beat the shit out of them.

Not the kids. No, not the kids, but other parents. I got you. Yeah, other parents. Waiters. Like if you're Yeah, other parents, waiters. Like picking up your kids and they're on the playground and one of the dads is being a dick, drop his ass in front of everybody.

Did you see the video of the kids on the playground this past week of the little girl that bit another little girl? No. The dad was just filming and then at the very end he's like, you better not bite my daughter. And then just charges at her. I assumed he beat the shit out of her. Probably.

But that's what you're talking about. At some age you have to he beat the shit out of her. Probably. But that's what you're talking about. At some age, you have to start beating the shit out of other parents. Yeah. I bit my sister when I was probably in like kindergarten or something, but I remember it so specifically because I was supposed to – my mom was supposed to take me to Target that day to buy Pokemon cards. Didn't get any Pokemon cards, did you? After I bit my sister.

Bam. Why did you bite her and where did you bite her? I bit my sister. Bam. Why did you bite her? And where did you bite her? Arm? I bit her arm. Yeah. I don't remember why. Yeah, arm is, that's a standard bite spot.

I think she used to antagonize me. Yeah, it was her fault. Yeah. You're gaslighting your baby sister. She fucking riled me up. Don't fucking make me do that. Yeah, pretty much. Dude, I got pushed in the chest By a homeless guy

This past week Oh damn I was walking And he was Should've whooped his ass And he just fucking came up on me Shoved me dead in the chest On fucking 23rd street

And was like Don't make me do that That's fucked I was like Ah fuck I shouldn't have made you do that sir That's on me The only bad interaction

I've ever had with a homeless guy Was We were going to the We were going to MSG for that comedy show. And some dude came up to me and was like, I'm going to poke you to death. Was it Zuckerberg? No. What did he mean he was going to poke you to death?

I don't know. I'm assuming he meant stab me to death. But saying you're going to poke someone to death is such a weird thing to say. That makes it way funnier. I guess, yeah, you do poke someone. It's like prison style, but like all I thought of. That would be way worse, yeah, if it was just with his finger. To death?

You'd have to poke me a lot. To death? Yeah. How many people do you think it would take to poke you to death? And then what do you think the cause of death would actually be? Do you think that they could poke your spleen enough that it would rupture your spleen or like uh you just go crazy can you get poked to death what is the torture where it's like it's like chinese water torture is that what it's called oriental water torture brother you're supposed to call it chinese

water torture anymore no or are you that's what it's called i think though yeah i think it is too yeah it's just a drop that you're like you're locked in, and then they just drop water on your head for like 10 hours. It's only like once every 30 seconds. Yeah. But apparently at the end, it feels like someone's just hitting you with a hammer in the head. Yeah, but does that actually hurt? Or are you just convincing yourself that it hurts? Or how does it kill you is my question, I guess.

Oh, I don't think it does kill you. I think that's why it's called torture. Oh, really? You can't die from torture? I guess you can get tortured to guess. Oh, I don't think it does kill you. I think that's why it's called torture. Oh, really? You can't die from torture? I don't know. I guess you can get tortured to death. No, no, no. Like, pulling someone's teeth out? That probably wouldn't kill them, but like, here, sawing their hands

off or some shit, or like, stabbing them a bunch. Yeah, I guess you can die from torture. Cutting their... Poking them. If you just fucking poke them a bunch, it would be infuriating. I heard that's what they got... That's what got Guantanamo Bay shut down. The guards were just poking the inmates. Taking videos of each other. Just fucking

poking the inmates in the fucking forehead. That would be awesome. You like that? You fucking like that? I got waterboarded. Shut the fuck up, dude. A lot of people don't remember that. No, you didn't, dude. I took one for the team. You got like waterboarded. You got mildly damped. Dude, that was so dumb. Yeah, it was't, dude. I took one for the team. You got, like – I got waterboarded. You got mildly damped.

Dude, that was so dumb. Yeah, it was really dumb. You really, like – it really defeats – there's some, like, really famous, like, war, like, veteran conservative dude who's, like, was super – like, super against them saying that waterboarding is torture. Yeah. And then he got waterboarded by his friends on youtube like it is like an hour long video of him getting waterboarded and it's so stupid because it's like i mean after someone who's been waterboarded as someone with knowledge of waterboard like as someone who got waterboarded the same way he did it's like it doesn't it's not

scary because you know your friends aren't gonna like let you die yeah isn. Isn't part of it they have to jam it down over your head? Yeah, and they hold you down. And also it's like you don't know when you're going to be able to breathe. Like if you're a terrorist in Guantanamo Bay. Yeah. Guantanamo. Guantanamo, yeah, yeah, like dominoes. There's a good chance they kill you.

Yeah, exactly. You've been being a naughty boy. Yeah, so it's like obviously like KB and Owen waterboarding me is not going to be the same. Yeah, and there's probably like fear, probably like loud music, a dank smell to a fucking room in a country you're not familiar with. There's shit all over your face. They're playing Duhas. Yeah, there's shit on you. There's the – what are they calling it?

The dookie? The thing where you put like a bunch of poop and like cum in a's the, what are they calling it? The dookie. The thing where you put a bunch of poop and cum in a... Oh, an Alaskan pipeline? Is that what it's called? I think so, when they freeze the shit. I've never heard of an Alaskan pipeline. You said that like it was the most casual thing. I think an Alaskan pipeline is where they put you in a condom and then you freeze the condom and then you fuck someone with the shit.

Oh, really? I think so. I wonder where you heard of that. That was like a middle school like legend. Yeah. It's a funny ass name. Yeah. But the one that I was talking about is like, are you Googling Alaskan Pipeline?

Yeah, you nailed it. Actually, every single thing you said is what it exactly describes. Have you been Alaskan Pipeline, my bro? No, that was just a knowledge that I had from middle school. What is it? Can you read the entry, Tyler? The act of pooping into a condom, freezing the rubber overnight, then inserting it into one's anus. Oh, wow.

That allows you reverse shitting. I mean, you have to have a lot of confidence in the thickness and heftiness of your shit. Yeah. Like, I don't know if my poop's going to fill up a condom. No. A wet-ass fucking ribbon-y poop. I've had some shits this week that would probably have filled up more than a Magnum condom. Really? Terrible week.

Monsters? For shitting. Was it splatty poop because you're drinking a bunch of beer, or was it, like, thick poop because you were having a bunch of fucking tortillas? People probably don't want the poop talk. People probably don't want the poop talk. But it was number one. Yeah. Yeah.

Your poop, your number two was number one? My number two was all number one. Yeah, poop talk is gross. I don't think it's gross. But like some people, I feel like anytime we talk about poop, people are like. I hate it, man. I'm eating lunch, dude. Gross.

Yeah, people love to watch the show. It's like, well, we're all human, man. Yeah, exactly. Well, describe the food that you turned into poop i didn't eat all week oh really well i was gonna try to give the people who were eating some kind of like audio visual poop food porn that you could like tease them with did you eat anything fantastic you didn't go to one in a million or rosita sal pastor i didn't eat any good food why i went somewhere with mike and we got blts and that

was like the heart that was like the most like that was the best thing i ate all week what dude blts i didn't even get any tacos why it was just a are you an idiot i was tired during the day i'm also not like a huge foodie like i'm not someone who like goes to like a city where they have good food and i'm like oh i need to get this food. I'm more just like whatever they have near me. To me, it's one of the only enjoyable things about traveling. It's like you get to see what kind of good ass food they have in that place. Otherwise, you're just like in a hotel room. Or I guess you can amble around.

Did you go on Lake Charles or whatever? Lake Travis? What the fuck it's called? Is that just the one that goes through the city? Yeah. Yeah. Did you go on it? I went over it.

Oh, you didn't? On the bridge? You didn't sit in a like paddleboat or anything like that or a kayak no what are your thoughts on austin give regale me what did you learn about the the big city about texas in general first time in texas yeah everything's bigger holy fuck dude i was gonna buy so true so true i went i went to buy a cowboy hat and then i went into the store and i instantly turned around because it was like – $350?

It was a real cowboy hat. Stetson? Yeah. It was a Stetson store. Really? Yeah. And I was like, I'm not about to drop $1,000 on a hat. Why?

Because I don't have the money for that. I think that they have cowboy stores. I lost money being in Austin. It was negative. Yeah. But I don't got it. I didn didn't mind i had a really fun time yeah you were you're doing a bunch of stand-up i feel like you can get cheaper cowboy hats though you can get but they're like little bitch ass like fucking hard ones go home yeah my parents

got me a hat for my birthday like with a nice big old brim for hiking i gotta see that hat yeah but i so i was like i'm not gonna buy another big brimmed hat but maybe just a big brim hat man i know well i'll never wear this hat like out i will i really wanted to buy buy a cowboy hat to go up on stage with which like wouldn't have been funny but i thought it would be like cool yeah i've been badass but then like big j okerson and dan soda did it did it already so then i I was like, oh, never mind. You're not trying to steal a bitch from them? And they wore full cowboy outfits.

Damn. So I was like, ah, never mind. Damn. That's appropriating culture. I know. They shoot people in Texas for way less than that. Literally way less than that. You think you're a fucking real cowboy?

I should have gone shooting when I was out there. Yeah, you definitely should have. Like just outside. Yeah, you definitely should have. Like, just outside. Yeah, wait. Do you know this girl, this one girl who was on the last show that I did was... Annie Oakley? Maddie Smith. She's from...

Wildin' Out? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, she was on the last show that I did, and she went shooting that day. Oh, she talked about it on the show? No, no. She was just, like, talking about it in the green room. Oh, really? Yeah.

Dude, I think she's funny as fuck. I follow her on Instagram. Yeah, she's very funny. But, yeah, her Wild N' Out. I was watching her Wild N' Out stuff at the airport the next day, and I was cracking up. Yeah, she plays into, like, the kind of goofier side of it. Yeah, it's funny.

Which makes it very funny. Wild N' Out is so funny. What do you mean? It's just, like, so, like, crazy. I mean, it's, like... like crazy. I mean it's like. Explain it. I don't know. Explain what you're talking about because I have a different perspective on it than you and I want to hear your perspective of it.

It's like, I mean it's not, I don't want to say like goofy. It is goofy. Yeah. It's a stage play. Yeah, but it's funny. It's like vaudevillian. It's like a bunch of acts. It's almost like old fashioned in a way. It's like we're of acts. It's almost like old-fashioned in a way.

It's like we're just going to jump on stage and just give it to you all live. People want to do sketch shows that are super edited down. Not that it's not edited down and not that they don't write the stuff and prepare the stuff and rehearse the stuff, but it's just like we're going to give you a live show and film it. There's nothing else like it. No, it's funny. What else is like it? Nothing.

Whose Line is it anyway? Kind of, maybe, but not really. Yeah, I was cracking else like it. No, it's funny. What else is like it? Nothing. Whose Line Is It Anyway? Kind of, maybe. But not really. Yeah, I was cracking up watching it. I haven't watched it much. Obviously, I knew what it was. Did you watch full episodes? No.

Just clips. The dude, DC Young Fly, is one of the funniest human beings that's ever roamed the earth. I don't know any of their names. He was one of the old dudes. You definitely would know him if you saw him. was like a tattoo uh he was like a bring the bring your ass here boy he would just fucking roast dudes uh but now him chico bean and uh carlos miller have the the show uh 85 south uh 88 south is it 88 85 south yeah and they do like live shows and they just just sell out arenas.

It's so funny. It's just like crowd work, and they're just sitting on a couch. And you watch the clips, you'll scroll them on TikTok, and it's the funniest shit ever. You'll just be pooping yourself from how funny these dudes are. And it's just like live crowd work of them just hearing something ridiculous and then sprinting across the stage. And for whatever reason, it plays so well. I love how their reactions are the best part because it'll be like they'll like roast someone, but it won't even be like that crazy of a thing that they say. And then the crowd just goes nuts.

Like they're all like falling over in their chairs. Be like, you got gonorrhea. Yeah. In the classroom. And they got the ref like blowing the whistle yeah yeah or dj direct will be like like thumbs down on a joke this one goes to the platinum squad yeah yeah they got that game pick up and kill it and kill it yeah yeah yeah it is so funny you said that i'm crazy but really you're lazy yeah that shit is killing me. It is preposterous.

I was delusional when I was watching that. Dude, I didn't sleep yesterday. My flight was at 5 a.m., and I had this genius plan in my head. I was like, all right, I'm going to do my last, because I got added to an 11 p.m. show. Oh, sick. Best of the fest. Which, keep in mind, it was not. It was not best of the fest. What do you mean, best of the fest and uh which keep in mind it was not it was not best of the fest

what do you mean best of the fest did they come up and tap you on the shoulder like a secret society and be like congratulations you made best of the fest they text me they're like hey do you want to do best of the fest at 11 and i was like of course and then i uh and then i checked like the schedule and like big j had a show at like 11 30 and like, well, if those guys are all not doing best of the fest, I'm going to assume this isn't best of the fest. It's a fun name, but it doesn't mean it's the best of the entire fest.

So I was like, I'm going to do that and then I'm just going to go back to the hotel pack and go straight to the airport so I don't have to wake up at 3 a.m. and sleep for an hour. So I got to the airport at 2. Closed. Didn't know the airport's closed. The airport's open.

TSA is closed until 3.30. Damn. So I had to like sleep on the floor with like all the other homeless people. Damn. Because I'm like, I'm not going to go back to the hotel I already checked out. Damn. And then. That's terrible.

Yeah, so I didn't. Did you actually lay on the floor or did you just sit there? No, I was fully laying on the floor. Did you sleep? No. You just laid on the hard ass airport floor? And that's when I was watching Wild N' Out. Yeah.

Just dying? Yeah. I mean. Dude, the most talented people in show business are on Wild N' Out. It was awesome. They're fucking great. Kevin Hart used to be on Wild N' Out. Oh, really?

But. Was he on it or he'd, like, do an episode? No, I think he was, like, on it. I think he might have wrote for it in the beginning. Like, season one. Like, I think that's not how he got on at all. But it's just, like, you're a funny dude. Like, you're around.

Let's, like, write a little bit. Yeah. Nick Hanna's the GOAT. He's a job creator. Fuck yeah. And a father. But you just laid on the fucking uh on the hard ass airport all the seats were taken that was stupid as fuck of you there was a lot of people on the floor

i thought i had a loophole i was like this is so much smarter than like sleeping for an hour and then being exhausted when i wake up why don't you just try to like push it and party push it and party and party and party because i was so. It was a really, really exhausting week. You said you're tired. The fuck are you thinking? You should have stayed out and kept with the drinking. Pick up and get... Dude, it would have been fun as fuck, though.

I guess you're just done. And Mike was being a bitch ass. He wouldn't go out on Saturday. What, dude? I texted him and I was like, hey, do you want to do something after my last show? A little celebration.

He said he's beat? He was like, I'm toast, dude. You're going to just give me such a bad week for me. Texas toast. Oh, no. Brutal. You know, he got a dog.

I heard that. Yeah, it's a cute ass dog. Is it stupid? Stupid. Stupid as fuck? It's a stupid ass dog. Stupid in what way? It's stupid. It's stupid as fuck? It's a stupid-ass dog. Stupid in what way? Running into the walls?

Pissing and shitting itself? It doesn't know reading, writing, and arithmetic yet? Big time. Big time. So it's stupid across the board. Yeah. Damn. That's tough, though.

It's cute when a dog is stupid as fuck. Yeah. It's a small dog. It's going to get huge, though. How do you know? Big paws? Yeah. Huge paws.

Paws, bro. Yeah. Big bro big pause big pause what was the best comic that you saw did you you must have watched more comedy than you've ever watched have you ever been to like a comedy festival in your life no i didn't watch much to be honest really yeah kind of feel like that's a missed opportunity on your part really soak it up from the greats um bask in their light? Trying to think of who the best I saw was beside myself. I don't know.

Tape your sets? I saw Soder's set. Oh, shout out Soder. He just got the Rogan look. Salute to the fucking goat. I talked to him about it. About Rogan. What? Yeah, he said it was cool. What?

Yeah. Yo, exclusive. Yeah, let's get that down. Yo, fucking, yeah, clip that for sure. But I've already seen, like a lot of people were from New York, so I'd already seen a lot of them. Got it. And they all do like the same stuff. Yeah.

Was it like a huge festival or was it – I feel like Austin has like South by Southwest and Austin City Limits, which are like their main festivals. I guess those are less stand-up and more music. This was pretty big. This was like 150 comics. Really? Yeah. Who was the like headliniest one?

Who's the biggest name on the flyer? Sarah. What's her name? Sarah – was it Silverman? Was that a person? Silverman? Yeah. Her.

I guess she was the headliner. You don't know any Sarah – you don't know Sarah Silverman? No that a person? Yeah. Her. I think she was the headliner. You don't know Sarah Silverman? No. Really? No. She's great. Her. She's funny as fuck.

She was the first funny woman, actually. Really? No. Betsy Ross was hilarious, bro. Oh, fuck yeah. Making squiggly ass lines in the flag and stuff like that, dude. Betsy Ross was a trip dude um her tim dylan but like these people like weren't really like like they were a part of the festival

but it seemed more like they just like had to stop there on their tour that they were like actively doing because they all only did like one night and they did that at a theater like they didn't do dude i thought everyone was in nashville yeah it seemed that way like everyone was in nash vegas apparently there's another, right? It seemed like everyone was in Nash Vegas. Apparently there's another festival going on in Nashville right now. That's tough. Yeah. Competing festivals.

Yeah. It's the season, bro. Festival season. Yeah. Mark Norman was there. Love that. Yeah, he's really funny. Where'd you go out?

Did you go out on Rainy or 6th Street? I didn't really go out much. You didn't eat anything. You didn't go out? Did you go out on Rainy or 6th Street? I didn't really go out much. You didn't eat anything. You didn't go out much. You didn't watch any comedy. What did you do? What did you do the whole time that you were there? I would go out, but the shows would be – you'd have shows until late at night,

and then everyone would go to this place called Antone's, which was one of the comedy clubs. But it's like a rock Paul. And then, uh, rock hall. Yeah. And then you would like go upstairs there and they would have like drinks and food for like all the people,

a part of the festival. So then I would usually just go there and then go home. But one night we went to, uh, this place called hotel Vegas, which was awesome. That's where I did that video. The part of my take video.

Oh, that was sweet. Yeah. Oh, that looked like it was like, uh, was that on like a roof or something like that? No, dude. That's like what a lot of the bars look like there.

Yeah. Like outside. It feels like you're at like a mini music festival. Yeah, it was nice. It was awesome. It's just nice that it's all outside like that. And there's like food trucks and like little small pop-up bars everywhere. And you didn't get any good food in any of the food trucks?

Why, dude? I went to, but then I was like, how long it gonna be in there like 20 minutes and I was like all right 20 minutes That's a super standard wait time 20 minutes at a ball like at a bar I was gonna I'm just gonna so much gonna stand at the food truck for 20 minutes So just get a beer and fucking sit there for a second 20 minutes the food truck for 20 minutes.

So just get a beer and fucking sit there for a second. 20 minutes? Sit there for a second. What do you have to do? You weren't doing anything. I was with Mike. So he couldn't wait?

No, he was with a bunch of other people. What? I was just like looking for something quick. How was riding solo for like a week?

Was it like a find yourself week? No, dude. I mean, it was mostly like mostly I would I did my shows, and then I would, like, sleep in super late, and then I feel like I would wake up, and I would have to just go do my shows again. I mean, dude, by the last night, I was, like, like, I felt so shitty,

because I just, like, couldn't drink anymore, but I had to drink or else I would have sucked on stage. I was super anxious the third night. I had a really bad hangover, and I was getting the jitters up on stage, but luckily I pulled through. I ended up crushing. Mike said your Trump impression was fucking hilarious. He said it fucking tore the house down. Does a little crowd work, fucking murdered. No way.

Crowd work is such a hack. What do you mean? And it's so easy. Like, it's hack to do crowd work, or it's like a life hack, or like you're hacking the system? I saw some kid with a cast on in the front row or a sling, and I just asked what happened to his arm. Were you beaten off? Yeah. Beaten off too hard?

Exactly. Fucking idiot. And the crowd just goes nuts. Yeah? It's so easy. It's off? Yeah. Beating off too hard? Exactly. Fucking idiot. And the crowd just goes nuts. Yeah. It's so easy. It's bullshit. Yeah. But I mean, obviously, there's people that do easy crowd working, and there's people

that are good at it. What are you guys, fucking each other? Yeah. So how long have you guys been together? Oh, first date. Uh-oh. Oh, okay. Awkward.

This is awkward as fuck. Oh, she's pissed. She is pissed. Oh, fuck. Have you eaten her pussy yet? Yeah Right? Yeah

But uh I am your god It was really fun What was your best crowd work joke? It's not like you're burning a joke No Cast The cast one

I'm saving it bro I'm saving it for next time I see a guy with a cast Really? In the front row If you want me to sign that It'll probably be worth Worth some money someday Um It was I will say it was cool like Noticeably like If you want me to sign that, it'll probably be worth some money someday.

It was, I will say it was cool, like noticeably, like seeing myself improve throughout the week. Yeah, it feels like you're like actually going through something. Yeah, I would like to, like I want to like, I'm honestly going to see if I can do some spots like tonight if I can because I'd like to keep it going. Yes, dude. You got the itch. That's what I want from you. Yeah, it was really fun. And I need you to keep it going. Yes, dude. You got the itch. That's what I want from you. Yeah, it was really fun. And I need you to push yourself.

The shows were awesome. I need you to push yourself. Yeah. What motivates you? Yeah, that's what I'm talking about, Tyler. Tyler wants to push you too, dude. I'm trying to hold one end of the slingshot. Tyler's going to hold the other.

Owen's going to pull you back, and we're going to launch the fuck out of you, dude. Fuck yeah. It's my job to make you guys look like stars yeah what motivates you dude answer tyler stop being evasive i feel like we're your parents right now money yeah yeah and potential is it right green it's the green okay and so what's the best way to make money? Roth IRA? Yeah, probably. Selling drugs? No, no, no. That's not fucking long-term sustainable.

With your skill set, fucking cracking jokes is the best way to make money. And the best way to crack jokes is to get out and crack more jokes. And the best way to crack more jokes is to write a bunch, dude. Write. Try stuff. Churn it. Burn it. Flip it.

Reverse it. I need more new material because I feel like I've already got this like 10 minutes down pretty solid. Also, it was awesome because it's only like

seven minute sets for like the whole time. Sometimes you would do eight, but that made me feel like I had like a tight, like it was really like tight. Like there was no like dead time in between.

You're just whipping through it. Super familiar with it. Yeah. Here's a suggestion. Borrow stuff from the pod. So remember that stuff about the Cleveland Pipeline or whatever the fuck you're talking about? Yeah. Dude, talk about putting poop in people's butts or whatever.

That shit will play. That's not hacked. Yeah, I know. I know. I got to start. But I just always do. As soon as the record button goes off I will literally never remember

what we talk about ever again maybe you need to work on memory then you said the same exact thing yeah but I don't care I'm not trying to

fucking mind this shit people will be like hey oh great episode last week and I'll be like yeah could have been

any episode yeah I even forget first of all they're always great even as we're done I'm always just like oh yeah that was great.

That was really fun. That felt great. Fun one. Fun one. Fun one, boys. Really good shit, my boys. That one crushed. And I don't know.

I don't know either. Sometimes I'm like, did it? It doesn't matter, though. No, you know when it doesn't. There's like two episodes. I've never felt like that. Really? There's been two episodes specifically where I've been like, wow, that was brutal.

One was the one in fucking. Oh, the Kansas City one? Or Kansas City. Whoever the fuck it was. No, because Kansas City we didn't put out. Kennesaw. You're talking about the hotel one? Kennesaw, yeah. That one was so bad. Okay, and what was the other one?

I think... Last week? Was it last week? No, last week was great. That's what I thought. It was great. It was fun. I think it was Cincinnati. We were laughing. I think it was Cincinnati after week? No, last week was great. That's what I thought. It was great. It was fun. I think it was Cincinnati. We were laughing. I think it was Cincinnati after LA. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, did we just sat in weird chairs? We sat in stools in the middle of this big-ass conference room. I felt like I was a North Korean cousin of Kim Jong-un who behaved badly, and I was about to get shot with a fucking rocket launcher. And there was like 20 people in there listening. Yeah. Yeah, that was bad. Or it's just uncomfortable.

I didn't like that one at all. I just need it around my boys, dude. I need something in front of me. We were literally just sitting there upright. They could see our penises. There's like a big yellow wall with two doors in the middle. Yeah, like our penises were exposed. It was like focused solely like our penises were exposed it was like to is like focused solely on our penises what what is the what are these ads let's let's do an ad we got uh the game time app

oh shit dude game time game time i was about to fucking say it in a goofy ass different voice until i can find the shit all right let's just start with that one then. So I can mess it up like usual. Game time. Oh, no, I didn't. No, I didn't. Baseball is back. And the only place to get the best, cheapest, last-minute tickets is with the Game Time app. Ever dreamed of sitting in a seat you never thought you could?

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Terms apply. I was happy to hear you didn't say that you were a Celtics fan, because you're actually a Sixers fan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, actually, that's not true. Aren't the Celtics doing good this year? No, the Sixers are doing good. Celtics are a wagon, bro. Yeah, I'm a big Celtics fan. No, a wagon as in they're a fucking rickety old fucking car from the fucking 1800s. I know what a wagon, bro. Yeah, I'm a big Celtics fan. A wagon has in there a fucking rickety old

fucking car from the fucking 1800s. I know what a wagon means. No, but wagons aren't good, dude. Fucking cars move faster than wagons. Tractor trailers are better than fucking wagons, dude. Cars crash, but if wagons crash, nothing really happens. Yes, it does. It takes 18 hours to fucking... Do they beat the

Nets? About to sweep them tonight. Oh, about to sweep them tonight. Yeah, right, dude. You see who the officials are, bro? Scott Foster. Exactly, Scott Foster. Bro, you know Scott Foster's fucking in the building. Yeah, fucked.

You're a big-time fact. No, I think I'm about to go down for the Sixers game tonight. Really? Yeah, dude. Down to fucking Philly. Really? Yes, dude. Are they flying you out there in the chopper? Yeah, best way to see the Yeah, dude. Down to fucking Philly. Really? Yes, dude. Are they flying you out there in the chopper?

Yeah, best way to see the city, brother. You know how the fuck it is, dude. Just going to fucking hit out there and fucking be down in 20 minutes probably. I know what you mean. 20 minutes, land on the roof of the stadium and just walk downstairs, watch the game from the catwalk. yeah be back before the fucking players even get to the locker room you know how it is brother really is the best way to see the city yeah it is dude i see there's like 18 helicopters up at any second like anytime

i look out like my window from the city there's way more than that over Manhattan way more than that right over Manhattan I would say so yeah 18 simultaneously I think I was being a little generous then dude there's like probably 18 planes

over Manhattan as we speak have you I'll show you this app let me show you this app no it is crazy how many planes there are and that does give me

great peace when I'm about to when I start fearing for my life as there's a slight jostle as we go through a single cloud. And I start—the fucking caffeine is really what does it to me. Look at this. I mainline some caffeine on a plane, I get scared as fuck.

These are all the active flights right now in America? Holy shit. These are all the sites of the mass shootings that have happened. Look, let's zoom in on Manhattan. Holy fuck, dude. All right, so maybe I was wrong, but... How many? About 18?

Currently, there's currently three helicopters. Oh, so... Three, four, five... Five, six, seven. Seven helicopters and, like, two planes. You ever ride in a helicopter? Planes move fast. I'll never ride in a helicopter.

You won't? Fuck that. I bet you will. I bet you will, bro. I'll walk before I take a helicopter. I bet you'll take a helicopter. Why? Helicopters sound like they would be so scary.

Why? Ever since the Kobe stuff. Ever since Kobe. Yeah, but he tried to rise too fast over clouds over a canyon. That shit is not fucking standard. Wasn't it super foggy or something? Yeah, it was too foggy. I don't really get it, but I'm not going to talk about it.

Even the small planes that you go on. What the hell does fog have to do with it? That can't be fun. Like the Portnoy plane? It's probably cool to be on the private jet, but physically being on the private jet, I'd be like... Oh, dude, apparently, don't those go straight up when they take off? Yeah.

Yeah, fuck that. Like a rocket. It's like a 90-degree angle. You have to get strapped to the plane and fucking just stand up. And do they even have seatbelts? Half the people are facing

the other direction where they're just sliding down the plane. Yeah, you're like in a magic bullet and you get shaken up in there. Oh, fuck that. I'm not even afraid of flying,

but that terrifies me. No, I don't like flying on small planes. Either that or you strap in and the G-Force fucking like knocks you out. What would Dave do if I was like having a panic attack on the private jet? I don't know. Jesus, Sas. Jesus, Sasquatch. First time Sas.

Fucking Sasquatch. Fucking drop him off at the cuckoo bin. He would say some shit like that. That was so funny when he called in to the Yak and he was like, believe it or not, I'm one of the few employees who's not in and out of the cuckoo bin every week. The cuckoo bin is a hilarious way to fucking put it. But yeah, I think on the private jet, he has to be the bravest. He has to be the bravest boy on the private jet. So if everybody be the bravest. He has to be the bravest boy on the private jet.

So if everybody else is freaking out, I do feel better when other people around me are freaking out. And they look to me to be. Do people freak out? Yeah. On the private jet? Yes. Who? Frankie Borelli.

What were you about to say? I was going to say names of names. Frankie Borelli has definitely been scared. I mean, I've been scared, but I hold it in the right way. All business Pete is scared. He stopped flying. Those are the planes that go All business Pete is scared. He stopped flying. Those are the planes that go down. Oh, yeah.

Private jet pilots, do they get their license after a 13-minute tutorial video on how to fly? One day we were flying back from a fucking Northeast. We were flying back from Florida, Georgia, rough and rowdy. Florida played Georgia in football that day, and there was a rough and rowdy. There's like two storms, and've got a 15-minute pocket that we're going to try to get in between. I was just going to say, I feel like they have way less, because they're not like a count.

Obviously, they can probably get in trouble, but it's not like they work for a massive airline. It was a Nor'easter, dude. We were flying, and then we would just drop like a full 150 feet. Those guys are definitely super cocky. Oh, yeah, we're just going to squeeze right through here. Should be fun. I was like, are we going to be okay?

And they're like, oh, it'll be uncomfortable, but nothing to worry about. Meanwhile, like, people were dropping so much that people were standing up in their seats as the fucking drops happened. That's crazy. It was rough. It was rough. It was terrifying. I haven't had a flight with bad turbulence in a while. I think the last time I had one that was really bad was Kansas City. Yeah.

You were screaming. You just got to work it. If there's bumps and stuff, I was telling Nick this, just look at the flight attendants. If they're not freaking out, they do this every single day for a living. So Nick's pretty scared, huh? Nick gets really scared. He takes a charcuterie board of pills, bro. I don't know why he doesn't get real medication, though.

He takes, like, 15 Advil PMs. It's like, dude, that's just making you tired. Yeah. Flight this morning, like, 8 a.m. Bro, that shit's pussy shit, bro. And I think he got there at 1.30 in the morning. I'm like, bro. He's got to get on some fucking Atavans, dude.

I don't have any. Like, it used to be, like, if I had to fly to fly like a week in advance i would be having like night terrors that's like that's like fragile to be like to be getting there that early and having that much fear to process i feel like that's like uh i don't know i feel like that's like a house of cards like i want my boy nick to to fucking iron that that little wrinkle out also i'm i'm uh i'm lying i'm laying off the Atavans. It cured my flight anxiety. Really?

I only took half of one yesterday. Usually I take one and a half. Really? Damn. Half a tab of Atavan, bro? I was so tired. Was it because you ran out? No, I was so tired. Dude, I think I'm going to quit weed.

I'm out right now. I was so tired and I felt like if I took what I usually take, I would probably not make it onto the plane. You would have been that zonked out yeah and i was i soon i took half and as soon as i got i didn't even i wasn't even awake for the plane taking off it's just not scary anymore though huh i mean once you fly a lot like it gets less scary and i feel like you've been rationalizing it you've been like going through all the shit in your uh my notes your notes your fucking documentaries your apps about where how many flights are in the air like that's pretty calming that there's that many commercial flights and none of them most of them aren't crashing but

now really it's like none of them it's really that you're just scared of death no it's not even that i've said this a thousand times i would rather rather get shot in the head point blank than die in a plane crash. Yeah. You're dying for like five, for like 15 minutes straight. It's spooky. It's not just, like, unless it's like what happened the other week with that plane in China. It's like, it's not just a direct nosedive. Wait, you saw they found the fucking thing?

Yeah, killed himself. Yeah. Yeah. Which is exactly what I said. Best case scenario. How's that best case scenario? Because it's not a threat to other people. Oh, yeah, I guess it's true.

I mean, it kind of is. I think they're, like, adding new laws, like, for, like, mental health screening in China. Dude, we love planes. Yeah. Yeah. We love talking about flight on this podcast. Yeah. It's one of the greatest marvels.

I mean, I feel like people can act like they'd be tired of flight or something like that, but it's actually a marvel. It is. It's fucking marvelous. It is. It's one of the greatest marvels I mean I feel like people Can act like they'd be tired Of flight or something like that But it's actually a marvel It is It's fucking marvelous It is It's fantastic There was a dude on my flight Yesterday

Who was talking to the Flight attendant For like an hour About the plane He was like This is a really beautiful aircraft This is the 737 He was like

I'm a big fan And he was like Oh man I was like That's like me But at least I don't do that In public Like she did not give a fuck

You just tell like the Hundreds of thousands of people Listening to your podcast Yeah but they're not real I can't see them They don't actually exist They can just see me Yeah

I don't have to see their reaction I don't have to see the disgust Creep onto their face No They love it too They fucking love it, dude. I flew out to Chicago this week. It was fucking, it was sweet.

Oh, yeah, yeah. For that trivia shit. Yeah, how was that? It was funny. You guys lost, right? Yeah, we lost in the final. We put up numbies, but, like, Frank the Tank is a buzzsaw. Yeah.

Frank the Tank beat us. Dude, that video was so fucking funny. When he said the battle rap? No, no, no. The one where you were like, this could all be yours, Frank. And he's like, yes it could. And it turned out to be his. Looking out into a theater of like a thousand people. The Vic, dude. The Vic is like one of, I think it's like kind of a historic venue in Chicago.

And Frank the Tank is just like literally stumbling through life. Was he nervous? Of course not. Well, I think he was really nervous for the one in Los Angeles. Yeah, in L.A. I think he was very nervous for that. Wasn't he? The boy doesn't feel nerves. No, I think he was.

No, he doesn't. Yeah. No, he doesn't. I think that crowd was a little more overwhelming because he had to like walk through the crowd. Dude, he made a fucking hockey shot through the fucking like tiny ass sliver like the Dude he made a a fucking a hockey shot through the fucking like tiny ass sliver

at a Devils game in front of 20,000 people That wasn't a Devils game Well it might as well it was Devils minor league which still that's 5,000 people which is five times as many people

as were there the other night I'm not putting Frank down I was just asking if he was nervous He doesn't get nervous I think he was nervous for the one in Chicago

He's Michael Jordan of Mets Trivia Dude the dozen rocks. It's like WWE storylines for trivia. Like, when you guys are doing the bad boy stuff, I'm like, this is awesome. And people actually are like, dude, fuck those fucking guys. I know, that rocks. Fuck those losers.

And then, like, someone will get an answer right in the crowd, and they'll be like, yeah! People will stand up as if someone just hit a fucking buzzer beater, fucking half-court shot. How was it being in front of the, how was it being, I mean, have you ever been in a, done a theater like that? Like, been in front of that many people? Yes, dude. Don't fucking play me, bro.

When? What are you talking about, dude? What, like, what did you do that had a theater that big? Like, multiple battle rafts. A thousand people? Yeah. Damn. Then, like, two and a half thousand? Or is that this Nova Scotia one? what did you do that had a theater that big like multiple battle rafts thousand people yeah damn then like two two two and a half thousand where is that this uh nova scotia one that's crazy dude

the the one of the venues we did this i did this week fucking pop punk dude thousands of people oh yeah i forgot about but i feel like singing is not as scary as battle rap yeah nothing is bro nothing is i did uh this this venue Parish, which was like 400 people. And I was like shitting my pants for that. Really? Yeah. You just did 300 the other night. I know.

How big was it in Austin? 150, did you say? This was like 400. Oh, The Parish was in Austin. Oh. And it was spooky? Yeah, I mean, it was like the base layer, but then there was like a balcony. And I was like, damn.

But it was awesome. I crushed. I got a big old, I think that was like the most people that were there to see me went to that show, which was sick. You think that you'll ever walk around on stage? Yeah, I walked around. Do you? Yeah, I don't as much. The first time I ever did it, I was literally just pacing back and forth the entire time.

And then I saw the footage and I was like, yeah, I need to not do that. But now I'm pretty still. How much of a showman are you? Do you do it like how One Direction and shit do? No, no, no. How they just sprint to a side of the stage and look out pridefully about themselves? No, definitely not. You should.

No. That's how like Kevin Hart does it. Yeah, but that's also because he's at arenas. Chris Rock. Also arenas. Fucking Bargatze, bro. I think he's doing

Maniscalco, bro. Dude, I can't imagine doing a show at a theater. I would be so fucking scared. That's how DC Young young fly does it yeah they do i think those dudes do arenas a theater would be spooky to you so scary why because there's just levels of people or it's just that many people there's just so many people why does it matter at some point like who what is it i mean so many reasons why because it's scarier how is it scarier

though it's the same material yeah it feels like less is more because you're like looking at like yeah i feel like 75 people is more intimidating because you get like a personalized interaction from all the people from everybody yeah i guess that's true i was listening to mark norman was talking about it and he was saying that because he just did a theater before coming to one of the shows and he said that like when you make a joke in a theater especially if it's like a dark joke or something like that it's a lot easier for it to like hit because like people see everyone laughing and they're like oh i guess this is funny but when you're at like a small club some people will be like that's not funny like it doesn't catch on yeah and that that's not funny is what everybody hears throughout the entire crowd

probably yeah that shit's not fucking funny, dude. What the fuck? The fuck are you talking about, dude? There was one show that I did that was really bad. Bomb. Was anyone there? But everyone was bombing, so I didn't really care. Yeah. It was just weird.

Like, half the people were sitting, half the people were standing in the back. Dead crowd. Also, one of the shows, the first show that I did that Mike came to, literally it felt like I was at an open mic. Why? In Brooklyn. Why? Because, dude, the people that were-

The sensibilities of the people? The people that were running the show, you're supposed to- Were they wearing overalls? No. Because that's a telltale sign. No, but you know how when you go to a comedy show, they go and they sit you down? Yeah. They put you in a row.

Yes, yes, yes. They just didn't do that they just had people check in and then everyone was just standing at the bar and the lights at this place were so usually you can see like at least the first few rows of people i could barely see people in the front row and then i'm just looking at a bunch of empty chairs so i'm like there's like three people here they felt like there were three people or yeah but then they were just all in the back talking at the bar. That's way worse. It was terrible.

You've got to fucking chastise those people. You've got to castigate a motherfucker. Hey, yo, I'm doing my job up here. Yeah, yeah. Sorry, this is my job. Do you know those dudes, Chad and JT? No. No?

Who are they? They're like L.A. guys, but I saw them them and the JT dude was fucking hilarious. He crushed. Comedians? Yeah, but they do like videos. Have you ever seen the video of those guys in the pandemic walking around LA with a box of masks, trying to give people masks? I don't think so. Was it like a prank?

Are you talking about Joshy Crocs? No. What are their names? Chad and JT? Yeah. You've definitely seen these guys. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They would go on Fox News and shit.

Yeah, they were very funny. Yeah, those dudes are funny as fuck. JT had some one joke about, like, getting beers. Actually, I don't want to spoil the joke but it was so funny sounds hilarious though it was about

it was like a I'm not gonna say I'm not gonna say his material but it was so fun see you're learning dude you're spending all this time around these comics dude

the only thing you're gonna need after that is some fucking liquid IV yeah exactly I need liquid IV right now whenever I'm dehydrated my fucking eyeballs get dry as fuck

yeah that happens to me my hands get dry I'm dry as fuck my eyeballs are screaming at IV right now. Whenever I'm dehydrated, my fucking eyeballs get dry as fuck. Yeah, that happens to me. My hands get dry. I'm dry as fuck. My eyeballs are screaming at me right now, and I really think it's because I'm dehydrated as fuck. I need this liquid IV hydration multiplier, an electrolyte drink mix that delivers water and key nutrients to your bloodstream faster and more efficiently than water alone. faster, and more efficiently than water alone. One stick of Liquid IV Hydration Multiplier in 16 ounces of water hydrates you two times faster and more efficiently than just water on its own. Liquid IV Hydration comes in refreshing flavors like watermelon,

lemon, lime, strawberry, pina colada, and more. I like to have a Liquid IV after a night in Austin. I'm on the town. I'm suckling down some fucking barbacoa, having a fucking Lone Star, a fucking Shiner Bock or some shit like that. You have any Shiner Bock while you're out there? No, but I did have a Lone Star.

Why did you have a Shiner Bock? Why didn't you do one Texas thing while you were there? I didn't even see Shiner Bock. I don't know do one Texas thing while you were there? I didn't even see a Shiner Bock. I don't know what that is. It's like the most popular Texas lager. It sounds like it wasn't because I saw Lone Star everywhere. Sounds like you're fucking imperceptive. Sounds like you're imperceptive.

Sounds like you need some fucking liquid IV, bro. No, not me. Yes, you do. Yes, I do. Not me, bro. And actually, adding on to that, I literally drink liquid IV every single day. I have a big bag of them next to my bed. Yeah, you do. Yes, I do. Not me, though. And actually, adding on to that, I literally drink liquid IV every single day. I have a big bag of them next to my bed. Yeah, you do.

Especially because our water doesn't get cold, and I can't drink flavorless, cold, warm water, so I have to put liquid IV in it. Why can't you drink flavorless, warm water? Because it's disgusting. Damn. One stick of liquid IV in 16 ounces of water hydrates faster and more efficiently than water alone. It contains five essential vitamins, B3, B5, B6. You know the fucking deal.

B12, vitamin C, three times the electrolytes. Just, you want this. You want this stuff in your body. Exactly. You got a big box by your desk. I fucking go over, grab a couple, throw them on my desk. Yeah, I have a huge box. Sprinkle them in some water, some tap.

Some water. It fucking elevates the tap water. And you can get 25% off anything. That's a big ass discount. Holy shit. 25% off anything you order when you use code SUN at liquidiv.com. Holy fuck, bro. That is liquidiv.com, code bro that is liquidiv.com code sun

experience better hydration today my fucking eyeballs are screaming at me right now I need to pour some liquid IV directly in I feel like my

contacts are barely clinging on to my fucking balls my eyeballs would you ever get contacts with your perfect vision yeah

and you're not a pilot or a fucking rifleman the hell we still haven't gone shooting. Fucking waste. We haven't gone away. We haven't gone anywhere. Yeah, when are we going away again?

It's time for some neighborhood eats, my man. Yeah. Maybe Vegas. Vegas. That's what I was going to say, because Anus has gone all week, and basically me and Owen, a little peek behind the curtain. Yeah, break it down, Tyler. Every week I have the

same conversations with people that we need to do more because right now like they look at boy dead as one hour a week so my job is to make boy dead bigger than the one hour a week show yes Tyler so I'd go to Vegas if this is a thing that's actually happening because my people are gone and by my people I mean Nick and KB yeah well we're also your people no I know so I'm saying like you guys are still here. So I'm trying to cash in as much as I can right now. Yes. Dude.

I'm saying like we have that behind the scenes video coming out. Huge, huge. That'll be fun as fuck. Bank some stuff. Banking shit. Um, yeah,

if we go to Vegas, I don't know what the like food would be though for neighborhood eats, but we're calling that fight on the zone. Mescaline. We're just trying Molly and going to pool parties. We're here at Neighborhood Eats. I'm off some of this

pink cloud Molly. At the Bellagio pool. What is mescaline? I think mescaline's some old ass... I only know it from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Some old ass drug Sounds awesome

Are you looking it up Tyler? Yeah Yo if you're watching this send us some mescaline Yeah just a psychedelic essentially Similar to LSD Yeah Fuck yeah I've probably done it

Probably Probably did it at fucking Bonnaroo back in the day Oh yeah Fucking love Bonnaroo Love to get on the farm. Take some fucking mescaline down at Burning Man. We should go to Burning Man this year. Just ride a bike fucking 60 miles straight in the desert.

Dude, that shit. Off some mescaline. I remember watching, like, I remember one of my friends in high school, probably, like, right when we started, like, right when they all started smoking weed, was like, yo, dude, we gotta go to Burning Man when we're older. And I looked it up, and I was like, damn, this looks so fucking boring. It's intense, too. It's like intensely boring.

Yeah. It's just like a bunch of like, you're in the middle of nowhere, and it's like a bunch of big-ass light-up sculptures just moving around. Everyone's like, whoa. What the fuck? And a guy rides by on a bicycle with a top hat, and he's got goggles on or some shit like that. He's got like the one with like the massive back wheel and the tiny front wheel.

And he's like low-key like a tech bro. Yeah. He's like a programmer, but he just like. And like a serial killer. Yeah, he gets a fat beard and just like serial kills girls he meets on Tinder. If I was a serial killer, I'd go to Burning Man. Oh, yeah. No one would ever find those bodies. In the middle

of the desert? Yeah. Just drag someone out? Everybody's just on bikes out there. Or like hoverboards. Actually, I'm not going to say that. Say it. You could probably get away with killing every single person at Burning Man and no one would find out. Like, wow. We haven't heard

of anybody. No one would even notice that they went missing they're definitely like working up towards that shit is definitely low-key satanic in a way they're just like shaping them they're a camp in this in the shape of a pentagram like you have to give up your phone you can't say hi to anybody you can't fucking connect to anybody back home but then people are just like yeah like met some dude and like hopped in his helicopter. And we just went back to fucking Silicon Valley for like three weeks, dude. Burning Man lifestyle. Yeah.

People love that shit, though. We should go. No, I would never go, actually. No, we should go. We should do comedy out there. I think it would give me anxiety being out that deep in the middle of nowhere. No toilets. That's the worst part by far.

Not for them, dude. They probably just rub the shit into their ass. I feel so... I feel like one with God. Yeah, enough poop talk, my dog. I feel so free right now. Yeah, the burning man. While they're on like 75 tabs of acid.

Yeah, they're definitely on that different shit. Maybe Molly. Maybe they're on the Molly. It's too much music, though. I don't understand how some people's brains just allow them to not sleep for several days on end. This is just how I do it, dude. I just go hard. I was thinking about that this week when I was drinking.

It was my third night drinking, and I was like, dude, I can't fucking do this. I was like, I'm going to start like i was like i'm gonna like i'm gonna start having a drinking problem if i drink like this and then i was like literally every kid my age drinks like six days a week and i was like i can't even drink like two nights in a row without like having like an existential crisis yeah it is very normal yeah but but even more normal like or that's normal i feel like drinking six days a week at your age, especially. At any age. People fucking drink, dude. People must just feel bad always.

But also, like, being alive feels bad, and people are just trying to, like, dull that sense. Like, people drink for a fucking reason, dude. Like, people are trying to feel good. Like, life being alive doesn't always just feel good automatically. Like, people aren't just drinking because they want to, like, hurt themselves. Well, obviously. Some are, though. I think it was dude

there's nothing better than like after drinking like after drinking like that for a long weekend and then like waking up one morning and not being hung over yeah was that today for you and just feel so good yeah yeah i was like skipping around in my apartment just doing cartwheels and shit i mean yeah dude i slept running up on the wall like a fucking ninja warrior. I slept for like 15 hours. Yeah. I went to bed at like 2 and like woke up this morning. You have to sometimes. I know.

It is a great feeling, though. After being sick for a while and then like you get like a morning or like if you have like some kind of pain. Yeah, a bill kicks in. Yeah, and like you just don't like feel bad for a day or something like that. You're like, life is incredible. Yeah, yeah. Birds are chirping.

Sunshining on you. Yeah. Just like a little bit of sun. That's facts. You fucking get some good ass music in your headphones. You're fucking, life is incredible. Yeah, yeah. Birds are chirping. Sun shining on you. Yeah. Just like a little bit of sun. That's facts. You fucking get some good-ass music in your headphones. You're fucking Carlton. That's dead ass. That's dead ass, dude.

You fucking start feeling good. You have a bagel, dude. Life is good as fuck. Drink a little Werder. You have some Werder. Fucking you're hydrated. You fucking have a little bit of buzz because there was poppy seeds on your bagel and you have this opium high going.

Fucking light oak type shit. Looks like you need some more sleep, my dog. I need a fucking Red Bull. Looks like you need to fucking rest up, dude. I need another Bullski. Is Passover still going on? I think it just wrapped. Is it?

That's a wrap on Passover? And happy Passover, dude. Congratulations. You guys made it. That's a wrap how about Ramadan is Ramadan still kicking

I don't know it's whacked at the fucking Celtics thing to their beat in Brooklyn and Jalen's doing the same thing but he's dropping

25 again no that's bullshit dude Kyrie's doing it harder Jalen's probably got the IV he's probably off the liquid IV at all times Kyrie is just

fucking doing it dude what are they not drinking water they're fasting. They used to fast during all the daytime. Oh, yeah. Like when the sun goes down, you can like eat.

So like Kyrie will like start the game not eating all day or drinking water and then he'll get subbed out in the first quarter and have like a couple of bananas and like fruit and like vegetables on the bench. Damn. Like nobody's talking about that. Jalen Brown's doing the exact same. And we're never and we're not going to talk about it. All right.

We're not going to talk about it. All right? We're not going to talk about it, all right? Cut this out, dude, Tyler. Maybe they should, like, fly. Maybe they should take a helicopter to a city with, like, a different time zone. Yeah, they should, honestly. Actually, I guess there's not really anywhere that would be darker than here. Or if he time traveled. Put Ramadan Kareem to all my fucking...

To everyone who fucking celebrates, dude. Ramadan Kareem. He should fly out to London. Eat Ramadanareem. You should fly out to London. Eat Ramadan. Yeah, he should go out to London. Get a nice burger in them. They don't even have burgers in London. All they have is chutney, bro.

All they have is Indian food and cod. They exclusively have Indian food. Dude, why are there... Why is it whenever you watch the Great British Bake Off, there's some incredible Indian fucking... Indian bakers on there. You've never even seen the Great British Bake Off There's some incredible Indian fucking Indian bakers on there You've never even seen the Great British Bake Off Yes I have

It's where they go in like They're all in those like big ass tents It's just one tent bro I knew you hadn't seen it dude I've seen it My mom loves that show It's common I also started watching the show where the

Japanese two year olds go on errands Oh yeah I've never seen that It is absolutely crack dude It's awesome I watched so many episodes of it I've never seen that. It is absolutely crack, dude. I watched so many episodes of it. I guess it's just rippling. The episodes are from like 2013,

like a while ago, but it's just like a four-year-old and they'll be like, time for you to be a big boy. Like, you gotta go drop off dad's like fucking

clothes at the dry cleaning. That's hilarious. And the kid will just fucking walk and be like, all right. And they'll just like pick up a rock and like just bash the rock

for like five minutes. It's like, this shit is fucking incredible. I got to watch that. I need a new show to watch. The trailer is a five-year-old on like an interstate highway in Japan, like a very busy highway,

like literally five years old. I think that's the premise of the video. And he has to go grocery shop for his family while also crossing the highway to get to the grocery and he just has like a flag that he crosses with i want to see the episode where the kid gets smoked because it had i mean really the extended cut i was gonna say that extended cut they die

half the time stop and shop closes in 30 minutes hurry the fuck up no it's really what it's like though that's wild it's like, though. That's wild. Stop crying. The premise is two years old to five years old, which having a two-year-old do any of this is crazy. The Japanese do not care if their kids die. That's such a funny-ass premise. Yeah, it's a hilarious cultural premise. They're just like, we're just going to have these kids go buy groceries

and we're going to make millions of dollars off of it. It's way sweeter than the way that American parents raise their kids. That like you'll net their kids are just like breastfeeding until they're 15 in America. Like you're never going to go to the grocery store alone. You can't even like sit in the car alone outside the grocery store without someone like burst in the window and be like, who's abusing this child? Who's fucking doing this to the fucking kids? That's so true.

And it's like a fucking two year old. I remember being in the car when I was younger and like my mom left me in the car to go to the fucking kids that's so true and it's like a fucking two year old I remember being in the car when I was younger and like my mom left me in the car to go to the grocery store and I was like not I was in like middle school

or some shit and people were like someone like knocked on my door this is not okay is he okay and I was like whose kid is this yeah

they thought I was like burning alive in there yeah but back in the day it would be like hey like get out of the house for like the next 12 hours

Yeah You gotta leave I don't care where you go Just fucking go somewhere That's so crazy That used to be like that Yeah It was sweet

And I guess it still is like that In Japan That's awesome Fucking salute to the Japanese homies Dude Happy Ramadan to everybody in Japan Dude Do we celebrate Ramadan?

No But we gotta get to Japan, dude. We have to. I would love to go to Asia. I'm super interested, but everybody's like... I wanna go somewhere in Asia. Huh?

I wanna go somewhere in Asia. Yeah. Chef Donnie said his favorite part, like, place he's ever visited was Japan. It's probably sweet as fuck. Dude, I...

It's like an island. It's like Hawaii with, like, beautiful coastlines, incredible culture, great food, fucking... My, uh... We got military bases there from World War II, so they can't fucking touch us. They can't do shit to us. Fucking Okinawa.

One of my friends from Denver, his roommate Gray, he went to Asia. His roommate's name Gray? Yeah. Gray? Gray. Like the color? Yeah. He went to Asia for like three months before the pandemic? Yeah. Gray? Gray. They went to- Like the color? Yeah. He went to Asia for like three months before the pandemic.

He was supposed to stay there for a year. And he said that like you would go out. I forget where it was exactly, but he said he would go out and get like a full meal and like drinks and it would be like $4. Really? Yeah. Fuck yeah. We should go.

Some good ass noodles. I would love to get some like real ass noodles. Yes, dude. As opposed to these fake fucking American noodles, dude. I don't want that fake shit. Fucking tired of them. Except for Italian food, which is a lot of homemade, handmade Italian shit. I want handmade noodles.

Fuck yes. That would be awesome. It pisses me off. That's so good. So I'm going to this Italian place on Saturday in Ph saturday in philly called ralph's the oldest italian restaurant in america oh i think i know this yeah you're familiar with the restaurant that's my buddy said that's like the one that's the restaurant that he wants to go to like more than anywhere really in the country i mean it is sweet but i'm i'm afraid that their gnocchi is

not handmade because the shapes of the gnocchi are fucking like ribbed. They're like the kind that you just pour out of a fucking frozen gnocchi container. Dude, when they roll it, there's like a thing. And it makes it look like that. It makes every one of them look like that? Yeah. They taste it a little bit too uniform

to be like, I don't know. I want to kick in the door of the fucking kitchen. Just ask. Just ask if you're like, are these handmade? But they'll lie to me. No, they won't. They're not going to be like, yeah, these are actually frozen

at the oldest Italian restaurant in America. I don't know. I feel like you'll be able to... I'm afraid they're lying. You'll be able to... I feel like you can tell. I know.

And I tried them. I mean, this is... Granted, this is some years ago, but the last time I tried them, I was like, dude, I don't know. These don't taste like they were fucking freshly made.

And nobody likes gnocchi more than me nobody yeah we gotta do gnocchi tuesdays i know maybe ever else yeah but then rolling some sweet ass pasta that's why we got to get to japan they would never have some fake ass handmade shit ever and they probably make it in like two minutes and they're like everybody eats eel and shit. Everybody's just, like, crushing fish there. Oh, yeah, shark. Yeah, everyone's just eating shark. Whale. Yeah, they have that beach where you could just kill dolphins. Yeah, they have a beach there where you could just pour oil into the water.

Those dolphins are convicts that they're killing, though. Those are the bad dolphins, all right? They're not killing any good dolphins. They have a beach there where you can rip off the dolphins' fins and then just throw them back in. Just throw it on a necklace. Just walk around. You can just make a fresh hat. It's actually really wholesome.

Yeah, it's actually—it sounds fucked up, but it's not. It's not. Wait, have you seen all these protesters that go into NBA games trying to glue their hands to the floor? No. All these fucking idiots. What are they protesting? They're protesting the owner of the Timberwolves, I believe. It started in Memphis with PETA for the Memphis-Minnesota series.

Oh, it's the Memphis owner. But then they took it to Minnesota for those games. So they just, like, it's kind of funny. They just, like, slab a bunch of glue or, like, chain themselves to, like, the basket pretty discreetly. And then, like, next thing you know, the game interrupts for, like, 20 seconds funny they just like slab a bunch of glue or like chain themselves to like the basket pretty discreetly and then like next thing you know the game interrupts for like 20 seconds because the security's assaulting some lady because she rushed on the court with glue in her hand for in the name of pita it's all these wild-eyed bitches because they have like animal mascots it's no it's because

they uh the owner owns a chicken farm and there was i, I think, some kind of bird flu outbreak under one of his flocks of chickens. So he had to kill all of them. You had to kill the chicken, and I think the way they killed it was some kind of heat. It's kind of smart. It probably kills the disease, too. Yeah, I mean, you have to kill out, like, I think you just have to, like, cinch off a fucking, the bloodline of the chicken and fucking just, like, be done. You're just, like, no more chicken from that flock. It's gotta be a rough day on the farm.

They're also killing all the other chickens in the farm. Yeah, yeah. This isn't anything, like, new. Yeah, but, like, a mass execution. They just throw a grenade in there. Honestly, yeah. It would be sweet to just go in there with like a... Or like a fucking video game or some shit where you just kill all the fucking chickens with H1N1.

I would play that game. If you're just going through blasting chickens. That's more wholesome than like a regular buck hunter. A fucking deer that's done nothing. These are going to fucking poison the entire stock. Sounds like the airport scene in Modern Warfare 2. Of course, dude. I fucking love that's done nothing. These are going to fucking poison the entire stock. Sounds like the airport scene in Modern Warfare, too. Of course, dude. I fucking love that scene.

Remember, no Russian. You ever seen that? No. It's like one of the most fucked up things. I remember playing it when I was in fifth grade, and you just walk into an airport, and you're just shooting everybody. In the airport? It's like a mission in the game are they

trying to kill you i don't know i don't think so civilians they're going through security my goodness yeah that game came out so like his target demo was such young people for that game yeah totally it's just a mass shooting yeah it's kind of funny looking back at it, but I used to love going home, like firing up MW2 just to take out anything that walks in my way. The campaign in that game is crazy. Like in sixth grade. It's probably healthy. At some level, it's like,

God, it'd be kind of wholesome just to... I don't doubt they make campaigns like that anymore. They would never do that now. Bullshit, bro. Well, now, because then it was like all the school shootings happened, and they were like, this is because of video games. Then my parents made me stop playing, and they started making me play Minecraft. And I was like All the school shootings happened And they were like This is because of video games

Then my parents made me stop playing And they started making me play Minecraft And I was like Fine I like Minecraft Dumbass He's actually agreed to I was like Minecraft's fun

Me and my dad Used to play MW3 together Like all of the time And then one day They were just like You're never playing this game again And I was like What? Right after Sandy Hook happened Yeah it was like that day All of the time. And then one day, they were just like, you're never playing this game again. And I was like, what? Right after Sandy Hook happened?

Yeah, it was like that day. They were like, no more video games. You're going to take crisis hacking lessons instead. It was weird because they acted like I did something. They were acting like I got in trouble somehow. They were pissed off at you? They were like mad at me. They were like, no more shooting games.

What is this? And you knew about this? Yeah. The blood's on your hands, son. They literally were like, it felt like I did something wrong. Is it time for the switcheroo time? Did we not do this last ad yet? No, we haven't yet.

We're about to, though. The song from the japanese show is so fire shit is fucking crack have you ever seen this uh have you ever seen that really old like i don't know if it's japanese or chinese game show where it's like people, people are, like, it's crazy. They, like, fall into, like, this just, like, crazy abyss. I remember I used to watch it on YouTube. Yeah, it's, like, some weird... We should get Dan Soder on. Oh, I definitely would.

He's very much like Shane. Just like a super nice dude. Speaking. Yeah. You don't have anything sooner than that? Is that the soonest you have? No, let's stick with the original. 3.30 on Tuesday. No worries. Thank you.

This is good. You got 45 on that? Alright, we'll probably wrap up pretty soon. You're like an hour and six in right now. Alright. Let's hit this. Holy fuck dude This reminds me of this fucking ad read That I wanted to do Called Credit Karma Yo we got Credit Karma holy fuck dude this reminds me of this fucking ad read that i wanted to do called credit karma yo we got credit karma yeah credit karma is big dude yes bro yo it's never too soon to get your fucking credit right because the last thing you want in your life is to try to do some shit that

would be sweet as fuck like fucking buy a car or fucking lease a car or get an apartment or buy a house and you find out your credit is fucking whack dude nothing worse than having some shitty ass credit that's why i only have i need to do this you need credit karma yeah you need credit karma in your life this is our first ad and we're gonna go through the whole credit karma journey with little sass as he fixes his credit score from a 540 or creates mine create my credit score just get a credit score want a new credit card but not sure how to choose you don't need to apply for the first offer you see in the mail credit karma can help you zero in on the right option for you and apply with more confidence credit karma uses your credit

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with that money, dude. You're stacking cash down in Austin. What are you going to do with it, bro? Debatable. You're fucking definitely wouldn't say stacking cash. Leaking cash.

It's more for the experience. Were you getting paid in cash? No. I got a check at the end of the week. Yeah. It was just going in one pocket and coming out the other? The check could have been cash. Really?

Yeah. You guys could have easily just gave me cash. Do you do online banking? It's $30. $20. No, I didn't. I made more than that. No, I made dummy money.

For real? It wasn't that much because they cover the hotels and everything. They didn't? They do. Oh, they do. So it shipped into it. Yeah, pretty much. You should have just been like, put me in a shithole.

You should have stayed with Mike. Yeah, I know. I probably would have saved a bunch of money. Did you have a good time with Mike? Yeah, we had fun. What did you guys do? We just went out. He came to Anton's one night after the show.

You didn't go to the elephant room, did you? I don't think so. Suddenly I have to take a massive shit. I don't want to hear it. Suck it back in your ass. I can feel it in the legs. Suck it back up your ass. What do you mean in the legs?

My legs are sore. That happens to me all the time, dude. I feel it in my back and my legs. What? Yeah. When it's going to be bad. Yeah, dude. I feel it in my back and my legs. What? Yeah. When it's going to be bad. Yeah, what are you talking about? Your legs have no bearing on when you're about to have a bad shit.

They do for me. How? What part of your leg? I feel it in my legs, dude. I don't know how to describe it. That's just all. That's what it is. Your calves, your claws.

Oh, yeah. No. Usually the calves. What are you even talking about, dude? I've never heard this in my life This happens to me every single time I have to take a bad shit A bad shit What do you mean

It's working through me Yeah You can handle those things You're not going to shit yourself I might What's the worst case scenario I shit myself You're not going to

Alright do it bro What's the worst case scenario? I shit myself. You're not going to. Think of the numbers. Seth shits himself live on Boydette. All right, do it, bro. I remember when Adam Friedland shit himself on Comptown. Very funny. So funny. Yeah, that was very funny. Dude, we should poke his ass, bro. I feel like if I poked you enough right now, you would shit yourself.

Probably. But I also know that physical touch is actually one of your biggest bugaboos. It is. If anyone tries to fucking touch you. Suddenly I have to shit and I'm like profusely sweating. From where? Everywhere. Your asshole.

My ass. My ass. I can't see this play out. I don't want it to stop. My ass. We need to, I mean, A, we just did an ad. B, we haven't told people to subscribe to the YouTube. Oh yeah, subscribe to the YouTube.

And C, we got like a thousand subscribers last time we said that. You know that? These motherfuckers. Yeah, wait, didn't we And see, we got like a thousand subscribers last time we said that. You know that? These motherfuckers. Yeah, wait, didn't we say we're going to do some, we're sucking and fucking 100,000? Yeah, 100K. And we didn't say anything about the sweatshirts. Because they're not out yet. Still, though, we need to foment some excitement, bro.

Yeah, the maroon one that I wore last week, which is an awesome sweatshirt, should be out. Like, let's talk to them today and get them to put it out. We also got to take pictures for those today. Yeah, I don't have them with me, bud. But these new ones are fire. Like, look at the fucking stitching, my bro. Really good. Like, they're actually stitched on.

And the collar is right. Look at my stupid-ass collar right now, dude. I hated this collar all day, dude. I've been self-conscious about this fucking collar that I have on. That's like, it's too wide. Yeah, I bought a shirt this week and I couldn't wear it because of the collar. Well, it has a wide-ass collar like that. Like, who do I think I am?

Dude, the collar for this shirt wasn't even like a deep collar. It was just wide. Yes. Dude, the collar was like going to my shoulders. What body type is that for? It was like this. I was like, why the fuck would I ever wear that? Yeah.

You dumb motherfuckers. I emailed the company that makes? It was like this. I was like, why the fuck would I ever wear that? Yeah. You dumb motherfuckers. I emailed the company that makes them. Stupid fucks. And I was like, rethink everything. Yeah. Like, I have a lot of Twitter followers. So unless you make these collars correct, I'm about to put your shit on blast. Exactly.

Fix your collars. Have you ever done that about an airline? Or like a company? No. If you guys ever think about using fucking well i did that actually like a couple days ago with what company price line they fucked me so hard so bad how so so yeah i actually did lose money going austin how'd they fuck you dude i booked a flight like a couple days in advance i get an email like an hour before i'm going to bed my flight's at 10 a.m the next morning and they're like there's been a change made to your reservation

no no nothing nothing about what the change was or if the they're like they're like they're like there's been a change or your flight was canceled that's it and i'm like well that's pretty vague like i can't be showing up to my flight tomorrow, like knowing like what would the change have been or if it was canceled. So I call Priceline and the airline like a hundred times. No one's giving me an answer. Eventually I go on and I cancel the flight. I get a call back from like someone like high up at Priceline, like the the actual people that the actual Mr. Priceline, like the actual people that call us. Mr. Priceline. And they're like, hi, so we just want to let you know your flight has been canceled. We weren't able to fulfill your request. And at this point, I'd already gotten a new ticket, which was like $1,000. Damn. And I'm like, alright, sounds good.

They're like, you'll get a refund. I get to Boston. I get an email from Priceline. How was your flight to Austin? They didn't refund you? No way. So I had a ticket. Wait, what? Don't you think that's like an automated message

that you send to whoever bought tickets though? No, because I wouldn't have gotten that message if I didn't have a ticket. They were like, how was your flight to Austin? Did you get the money back? No. And I never will. Priceline, you've made a powerful enemy today.

And they DM'd me, and they were like, hi, how can we help you? And I just replied and said, fuck you. And then they replied again, and they were like, okay, they're like, we can have a conversation, but let's keep things appropriate. Civil. Yeah, I was like, you guys fucking suck.

We're going to elevate this. You know this is being recorded. Yeah. Little do they know we're going to Charlie Headbow their offices. Dude, I use Priceline every single time I book a flight, and I'm like a gold member. I'm a Priceline gold member. Damn. And they fucked me.

You fucked over a gold member. You made a powerful enemy today. I'm a VIP. We're going to fucking—we're going to distract the fuck out of you. And then, dude, the flight— You saw what happened to Bryce Hall. I spent over $1,000 in flights. That's why I had to get—I had to get a 510 flight, and I had a two-hour layover in Chicago, and then my flight home.

And it was $600. Damn. That was the cheapest option. The only direct flights were over like $1,500. Did you cry? No, but it's like, why? Are they so expensive? Maybe just crying would have been a good emotional release to kind of get it out of your system.

Because as soon as you buy the ticket, it's like, all right, no more. I can't really complain about it. Like, it's over. Yeah, it's infuriating. It's so, dude, like, flights are so fucking annoying. And it's like, I don't understand it. Like, when I flew to Denver, when I flew back from Denver the other day, I bought my flight the day before. It was $100 from Denver to New York.

At, like, on, like, Delta. That's fucking wild. You gotta just buy everything through Delta. Delta has your back, dude. Yeah. Delta is my dog. Delta is the best, Delta is the best airline

by a mile. Yeah. Delta is my fucking best friends. Dude, like, what makes a flight $100 that's like a lot, like,

it's how many people are on the flight. It's like, how sold is it? I guess. I mean, dude, but like, this was,

yeah, they're all coming back from this. But it was like, I mean, Denver to New York is like a four and a half hour flight. I literally spent $100. This flight was the same distance, but it was over $1,000 more.

What did you listen to on the way back? Noah Beck's podcast? I listened to the Minecraft theme music. The entire way? Yeah, I couldn't. I got to a point where I had been listening to music for so long like that day. And I was like, I don't want to listen to anything. And you just listen to the Minecraft theme? That's something still.

I do like to listen to nothing sometimes. It's a little more peaceful. Than any other music? Sometimes words start angering me if I've been listening to music for a while. Dude, did you see that clip from Noah Beck's podcast? No. They just go back and forth to each other and they're just like...

Oh, Jesus Christ. That's like the whole podcast is him and the other host just sticking their tongues out and smiling at each other and making cross-eyed faces. That's so bad. It's like, dude. Just like the besties. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those guys are falling hard. Yeah, it's just like that's not exactly what podcasting is.

And it probably gets like a million views. Just kidding, it definitely doesn't, dude. Those guys' stuff doesn't do well anymore. Yeah, it's tough. I mean, that's why they're fucking... I saw a video of, like I was on Snapchat, and like Snapchat has like this subscriptions thing where it's all recommended.

It's all just TikTokers, and I clicked on Bryce Hall's, and he has like a mustache like mine, like when I grow mine out. Just like a thin, ass mustache like it looks like you have like pubes on your face dude are we about to open this back up with bryce no but he's like he's like i'm kind of fucking with the stash i feel like a dad i was like dude you look like you're like a prepubescent teen you do not look like a dad. Much less a boy dad, bro. Much less a boy dad. Damn, dude.

I can't believe you just came out bright like that. You said he doesn't do numbers anymore? I didn't say that. You said he has no numbies to his name? I did not say that. And that he doesn't get any puss? I didn't say that. And that his stache looks like a fucking pedophile?

I know. He has hella puss. I know he does numbers. But his sparse stache did look bad. That was shockingly unimpressive in real life. The wholella puss. I know he does numbers. But his puss actually looked bad. He was shockingly unimpressive in real life. The whole aura of him. I'll speak for you. This is going to get backlash.

But he was nothing crazy. He was just another dude. Nah, he's the goat, bro. And you guys are pussies, bro. Don't fucking make me talk shit on my fucking boy, dude. Don't talk nasty about people if you wouldn't talk nasty about them when they were here. Look, I think he's sneaky goated. Yes.

Thank you. He's the one that said that Noah Beck's an industry plant, and then that's what made Noah Beck glitch and start fucking sticking his tongue out. Really? Yes, dude. He's like a fembot, dude. That's so funny that those guys are all, like, friends,

but they all, like, hate each other. I know. Very California. I feel like in California, people love to, like, cattily talk shit on each other. Oh, dude. Being living out there must be fucking a nightmare. Like it's under the guise of like everything's chill, but like fucking shit hasn't been chill

in a while in California. Shit hasn't been chill in a minute, dude. Shit has not been chill, dude. Shit is not chill anymore. It would literally be like if me and you did this podcast and then like on Friday, I was like, yo, Rowan's a fucking bitch. He has an industry plant. All of his ads are... I was getting him all the ads. And then like on Monday, I was like, yo, Rowan's a fucking bitch. He has an industry plant. All of his ads are—I was getting him all the ads.

And then, like, on Monday, we're like, all right, dude. Sup, bro? Yo, I fucking love you. Fucking missed your crazy ass. Like, do a secret handshake and, like, touch heads with each other. Fucking love you, kid. Bro, you were looking sexy as fuck in those TikToks this weekend. Yeah, but shit is not chill anymore.

California stopped being chill a fucking while ago. It's all All people care about in California Is just fuck I need fuck I need fuck I need fame That's all they care about

I think fame is more than fuck I don't think so dude You think people I think like literally Everything in California Revolves around people fucking You think so? Or at least with those

TikTok people That's like all they know Is fuck Fucking money You start with that That's how you get the fame Then you bounce on to the next But it's all. That's all they know is fuck. Fucking money. You start with that. That's how you get the fame. Then you bounce on to the next person. Oh, that's how you get the fuck.

Fame is the easiest way to get the fuck. Yeah. I saw some clip of BFFs and it's like Josh Richards and they needed a guest and some girls at his apartment already. And they're like, yo, was she already there? What? Josh. Oh, fuck. Yeah.

And it's like, dude, I mean, like, he's 20 and she's 20. Yeah. Like, who gives a fuck? Like, that's the best, like, the most goaded thing you can do is fuck a lot. And the biggest insult you can tell someone is, like, they get no pussy. Yeah. Like, you could, like, talk about, like, like, like you could be like, this politician is against climate change. Like they shut down the schools

and they get no pussy. He gets no pussy? Did you see that dude that this morning was tweeting about like how if Elon Musk owns Twitter, he doesn't want to use Twitter anymore? Who's saying that? I don't know, but I looked it up.

He definitely gets no pussy, dude. No, but I looked him up and he was like a main member of, the fucking Watergate with Nixon. Bob Woodward? Was that what his name is? Bob Woodward was, like, the journalist that, uh, it was, like, Woodward and Bernstein, I think, were the journalists that Undiscovered, like, or some dude was calling him. No, no, this is one of the dudes that was, like, covering it up. Oh, really?

Yeah, and this guy's, like, tweeting, like, woke shit on Twitter. That's the people who it is, always. It's, like, people who did some crazy shit, and then they're trying to, like, cover it up. Oh, really? Yeah. And this guy's tweeting woke shit on Twitter. That's the people who it is, always. It's people who did some crazy shit, and then they're trying to cover it up. He was like a council member or something on the Nixon team that covered up Watergate. Also, I don't give a fuck about Watergate. I don't give a fuck about Watergate, but I don't give a fuck about the Elon Musk shit either. Nothing is going to change. None of that really matters at all. People are arguing.

I was I said I was like this is the same people that said that they were going to delete Spotify because of Joe Rogan. My mom was asking me she's like how do you think it's going to affect Twitter. Like what. There's still like a board of people. It's not like Elon Musk is going to like buy Twitter and then just like make it like like like 420 means the name of it and everything. Yeah.

I don't like how he fucking body shamed Bill Gates, though. That shit was whack, dude. You don't talk shit about the homies' titties. How old is Bill Gates? Like 70? At least. He looks like every single other 70-year-old dude. A normal 70.

Yeah. Do you think Bill Gates fucked up his fame by not just being on a yacht, like getting sucked off by a 20-year-old? Probably, yeah. He's just there with Melinda Gates. He's the only guy who seems like he's just done shit right. He's not a social— Elon being a social media dude now is so cringey.

He'd probably be so much more respected if he wasn't like that, and if he also wasn't like that. No, because there's so many people who are like, Elon Musk is the most powerful person, or the most important human being of the last thousand years. I hear people saying that. That's the same people that think that Tesla's going to be flying cars to the moon regularly. It's going to be the same price as a subway ticket.

VC guys, venture capital dudes, and Silicon Valley dudes, they talk about him by first name basis. ticket like vc guys venture capital dudes and like silicon valley dudes are all like they like talk about them like by first name basis yeah like well elon like just made this he just made this big trade it's like you don't fucking know him no out of all like the billionaires to buy twitter when you want the one that's like actively online like that gets twitter like you said it was cringy yeah like yeah his tweets but, I'd rather him than, like, I don't know, some random billionaire. Yeah, like, just Jeff Bezos or some shit like that.

I just don't, like, I don't really care about, I mean, I don't know, about billionaires. Yeah, make them build their own fucking stadiums, dude. You'll be one, though. You'll be a billionaire. For sure. You're gonna have to get, like, some, like, mineral manufacturing plant

or some shit like that. You're gonna have to, like some mineral manufacturing plant or some shit like that. You're going to have to buy up a bunch of FedEx roots or have some kind of boring ass ascent to fame that turns your M's to B's. But you'll get there. For sure. So I did it, bro. They say that a mistake can cost you millions, but a lesson can earn you billions. And with that, we'll end the podcast. Thank you guys for listening.

We'll see you guys next or maybe this week when I do a bonus episode. Make sure you like, subscribe, all that jazz. Peace. The goat strike again. That was a fucking hilarious epi. That was a slapper.