Son of a Boy Dad - Son of a Boy Dad: Ep. 61 - The Irishman (ft. Colum Tyrrell) [BONUS]

Episode Date: May 19, 2022

Enjoy a little bonus episode with friend, the hilarious: Colum Tyrrell (@columtyrrell)You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, son of a boy dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. You're just trying to stink? I use antiperspirant once and it made my armpits bleed. Swear to God. That's the softest thing I've ever heard.

I'm like, I'm allergic to it. It looked like someone took like a knife to my armpits. I had like scars going down my armpits. That's what happens the first couple of times.

You gotta just... Fight through it. I'm all set. It's like not liking beer, you know, you just gotta... Why wouldn't you just use regular deodorant? Because I'm not trying to sweat.

It doesn't work. Antiperspirant it's cause you barely move real man I'm out chopping wood dude I'm like fucking A-blink and we good to go Sass keep it kick back

this episode dude I think that that's a vibe for you I'm not gonna do that can't even reach the mic just shout just project calm how does it feel knowing that you have a vibe for you? I'm not going to do that. Can't even reach the mic. Just shout. Just project.

Calm. How does it feel knowing that you have a better studio than Barstool Sports? I do have better tables than this shit. It's not even wood. The table's embarrassing. It's definitely not.

You could probably peel it apart like paper mache. Like there's definitely just several layers pressed together. Well, listen, if Barstool, the betting app

ever gets passed in New York, you better demand a new table. Yeah, right, dude. We're never getting a new table. I, listen, if Barstool, the betting app ever gets passed in New York, you better demand a new table. Yeah, right, dude. We're never getting a new table. I want to see if I can peel this apart. I used to use that. Do you get free bet?

Do they let you bet for free? No? They don't give you nothing? Maybe like from time to time, something very, like a very small little bonus to bet with. Probably like the...

Scumbags. I mean, they don't like to have big, like the... They get reimbursed, right? No, they don't. Yes, they the they get reimbursed no they don't they do they gotta

he's like under contract he's not allowed to tell you it's a tax expense it's like it's a commercial it's not real yeah there's no way he's betting that real money

what they're fucking scumbags or no they're great guys they're responsible good guys is what I mean to say they're addicts it's totally reckless gambling dude I have to tell the line

I want to like impress on you how real it is While also expressing how Responsible these motherfuckers are And how much you can win And there's just stains All over my pants Dude and your shirt You've been cumming wantonly

So fucking disgusting I thought you were going to retain your cum bro What happened? It's not cum it's pizza I got really drunk on Friday night And I ate a bunch of pizza And just left a bunch in your pants? I was just standing outside the pizza place

Going back in for more What happened to Fitness S? I don't know that's Oh it was Rich on Friday wasn't it? Yeah Where'd you go to Joe's? Place on the corner? Talking to the mic.

I have my apartment. Talking to the mic. Are we on? Oh, are we recording? Yeah. How long have we been recording? I don't think we have. Oh, you got that pizza bit?

Great. Yeah, that was killer. You got the... I've got pizza stains. That murdered. Gotta start. That shit is fire. Alright.

Are we in? Am I in the shot? Yes. Oh, we're just doing the wide lens. Okay. Alright, should we kick it off like usual? Are you an idiot? Well, I didn't know we were recording.

It kind of threw me off. He said like four minutes ago that we're recording. I didn't hear him. Clearly. Don't leave in that bit about him. That drunk girl. Beep it all out. Word of advice. Word of advice. It was too much. It was funny,

but it was gross. I would have done the same thing, but just, you know, in this day and age, that's wrong. Just wear gloves or whatever. Everton is a salt these days. All right. What is up, everybody? Welcome back to Son of a Boy Dad podcast.

I don't know when this is coming out, so I won't say the date. Just say the date. It's coming out on Thursday? This Thursday. So it's Monday. You'll see this on Thursday. We are joined today by comedian Colm Tyrell.

What's that? Yeah, that's right. I said the name wrong. No, you said it wrong. It's fine. You say it. Tyrell. Colm Tyrell. Like squirrel almost. Tyrell. Oh, I didn't. Yeah, I didn't know that at all. Everyone's always said it wrong

yeah not everyone i've never heard anyone say turtle before i hate having the conversation of fixing it though well you've never i don't think i've ever heard you fix it i just don't just take it to the face dude i just it is an asshole thing to be like my name's like not ferroni it's ferroni like it's just like all right who gives a fuck it's not like they're memorizing it or your name's ferroni no it's not ferron Like, it's just like, all right, who gives a fuck? It's not like they're memorizing it or fucking... Your name's Ferroni? No, it's not Ferroni, but if I go to a ticket counter and they're like,

Mr. Ferroni, I'm not going to be like, it's actually Ferron. I've never heard anyone say Ferroni. All right, well, you haven't been to a lot of ticket counters with me, brother. You've got to start coming

to the ticket counters. All right. Dude, but I've been a fan of yours from afar I'm excited that you're in here I think that I didn't even realize You never came into Barstool before Yeah I came in to do KFC

Really? Did you ever end up doing Friday Night Pints? I never saw the answer to the internet What happened with that? Nobody saw it It was too hot I did that answer to the internet thing, which by the way, no one watches anymore.

The glory days are over. Well, they watch like... It used to be good and now it's just retarded. Are you allowed to say that here? Of course, of course. They say Isabella Danger, right? Is that her name? Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. The adult actress. The porn lady. The porn lady. They watch hers. Hers gets like 10 million views. Pretty much anything these... Which I don't know why you would want to see a Bella...

These whores. I don't know why you would want to see a Bella Danger answer weird questions. Why would you rather be a dog with no legs or a turtle with no tongue? Oh, yeah, yeah. You can just watch her fuck instead. Well, you got to have some downtime. I guess. People fall in love with porn stars, I think.

That's crazy. Yeah, definitely. You'd think more of them would get murdered with the amount that weirdos fall in love with them. You'd think that they'd hunt them down and fucking kill them. They probably have security with them a lot. Or they're such badass bitches they kill back. Yeah, that's true. I think the type of person wants to kill a porn star is not physically

capable of that. Yeah, they don't have the drive. Who was the porn star that fucked a fam? Was that Riley Reid? I don't have the drive. Who was the porn star that like fucked a fan? Was that Riley Reid? I don't know. Any of those real? Or was it Mia or what is her name? And dude, who was the one that fucked her stepbrother? Which one was that, dude? Because I saw that. Yeah, I saw one where there was

someone's mother was trapped in the dryer. That is a subcategory. Just dryer fucking yeah yeah Mia Khalifa Mia Khalifa fucked a fan and it's like real

you should watch this I saw it because he can't get hard yeah I want to see a guy not get hard because that's the only way I know it's real

yeah that's like what happens that's how I get hard he's super uncomfortable what's that small cock I know he was a virgin that's what it was he never had sex before

so she fucked a virgin fan that's so fire that's such? I know. He was a virgin. That's what it was. He never had sex before. So she fucked a virgin fan. That's so fire. That's such love. I know. And she probably made like $400 off of it. That guy's probably like a victim today, though. He probably like complains about it. Probably like writes into like the Daily Mail. Why would you ever let that get out?

Like that was like when she was like the most famous porn star in the world. Why would you let what get out? He was like, yeah, let's put this out. I'm cool with that. Yeah. I love me not getting hard, losing my virginity to a porn star. They paid him. No, it's just that I gave him like 20 bucks.

That was cool to this guy. No. That's cool. To him and all his- Do you think he's alive? Or do you think he killed himself? I think he's a stud right now. I think he's like the coolest kid in the forums.

That's possible. In the forums, for sure. He's just on Reddit every day, AMAs. No one's asking him anything, but every day he just posts an AMA. He's a forum dude. You ever get on any forums? You ever smash the forums? Especially outside of Reddit, like actual forums.

No. I used to do a lot of nerdy shit on Reddit, like craft beer stuff. I'd just be like, check out my haul. because i drove out of town to pick up some fucking like rare sours or whatever yeah that was like so my reddit if you find my reddit it's like just full of like me making a cocktail and like yo check out this cocktail i just made and when people upload the fuck out of it they love it you were like a hero brother you were like you were like the guy on on craft beer. Oh, I wish.

I was barely, I was just an open mic. The dudes who love craft beer are fucking insane about it, though. They'll ship like crates of it to other people, have friends that are in the craft beer game and be swapping the shit. I've done swaps and stuff like that. Yeah. You're dropping fucking $25 on a bottle of something that doesn't even taste that great. Yeah.

When I was in like high school, this dude, like my friend's boss, he worked at like a sporting good places. My friend's boss made craft beers. Oh. And he made like, he had like, he printed out labels on printer paper and just like taped them. And they were like pictures of his kids. And he gave them to us.

And we were like underage. So we couldn't like buy beer. Yeah. So we were just like slugging these random beers that would just have like a picture of his like naked child in a bath. Naked child? Oh, they were like children. But still, that's even weirder to put on a beer bottle.

And we were just slugging them. Even regular children pictures is kind of a little bit grooming you into being a pedophile at a young age. But putting naked children on there? They were babies. I think that that's extremely weird. I think it was supposed to be like a family gift. Yeah.

There's a thin line. What's the difference between like child porn and art? Like what's the... I don't know if I would qualify I don't know if I would classify this as art. What else was it? Just a picture? Just a weird fucking... I mean, okay, I used the wrong word.

They weren't naked. They were in a tub. They were in a tub. But, dude, people used to paint, like, on the roof of a fucking Sistine Chapel a naked-ass baby. They've always been fucking hot. Well, naked... Yeah. Just the wrinkles, the creases of a little baby, you know what I mean? Naked babies isn't that weird.

Yeah. It's like the Nirvana album, except that gets a lot of backlash. I think that kid is like suing Nirvana. He's been... He's been trying to for a while. Yeah, they squashed it though. They did? Well, he said he was manipulated or something.

Yeah, he's a baby. But he also posted a photo of him naked as like an adult, as like a... Like he redid it? Yeah, and then he sold that or something. And then like a year later, he was like, no, fuck that actually I'm still in

because he probably found out how much money he could get from the fucking recreation let's be honest so if you're a pedo right and this is back before the internet

and you're just like walking through whatever terror records or whatever and then you see you're like you're just like

what the fuck how many that's why that album sold so well they're not Nirvana's terrible but with the pedo market

in the fucking record stores they were looking for something like that yeah they couldn't just there was no internet was it 94 or whatever it was just like

the dawn of the internet that's probably what made the internet happen like people needed to get their hands on this Nirvana shit they're like we need to swap child porn

there was probably someone who was who invented the internet strictly for child porn. Yeah, someone was involved saying, no, this is for the government.

And it was definitely in the back of their heads. We all know this is for child porn. Yeah, the government who needed child porn. It's like, we need a safe place for us to trade child porn.

Like, we need a fucking dark web for us. It was Al Gore, wasn't it, that invented the internet? Somebody from the government, dude, working with the Clintons under the Epsteins, dude. Absolutely. They dark web for us. It was Al Gore, wasn't it, that invented the internet? Somebody from the government, dude, working with the Clintons under the Epsteins, dude. Absolutely.

They're connected to us. I would go as far as to say majority of major companies, all their products came from the ideas of this will help us touch kids. Tesla. Tesla. I mean, you're probably right. Which is crazy.

Driverless cars have your hands free anything hands free hands free calling hands free fucking anything Amazon Jeff Bezos just delivering

child porn just hey Siri you know what I mean everything's hands free people can just you can get touchy real fast it is

they said that all technological advancements are for porn but they leave out the child porn part of it. That's really what it all comes down to. It's a bad look. Yeah, it is.

Why are you always talking about child porn, dude? Me? I don't know. It's your bread and butter, dude. I saw him do a half an hour, and it was just strictly child porn. It was all child porn? Yeah, it was PowerPoint. PowerPoint.

We need someone to unlock our ability to talk about child porn. We don't talk about it enough. And it's about fucking time. I'm the only one who has the balls. The fucking balls. These pussies won't talk about child porn. Dude, I think it's time for your bagel unboxing. Oh, yeah.

We got a little bagel from the kitchen. Oh, no. Is that one of the sandwiches? Yeah, that's a breakfast sandwich. I don't like your pessimistic attitude. Yeah, but oh, no about it. All right. It's a sausage, egg, and cheese.

Yeah, and I'll unwrap the back because that's where the goods are at. What do you mean? What do you mean? What is it? Batteries? You got to see the back of the sandwich. Just those so and wet eggs. Oh, yeah.

There we go. Look at that. Good fold to the eggs. What's your thoughts on a breakfast sandwich? Are you a breakfast sandwich guy? Yeah, yeah. I need ketchup or whatever. Let me take a bite.

Yeah, get that. One bite. You want to meet Dave? March into his office and be like, why is my answer the internet, not on the fucking internet? People don't know if I'd rather be a turtle

without a tongue. What was your answer to that? You might as well get it off your chest now. What was a turtle without a tongue or a rabbit with no feet or something like that?

I said, would you rather be a dog with no legs or a turtle with no tongue? Yeah. The dog with no legs. You gotta be a turtle with no tongue.

Turtle with no tongue. They can fucking chomp down. You know what I mean? Just snort. Do you like that sandwich? It's alright. It's pretty bad, right? It's good because it's free. Yeah, that's the only reason that it's good.

You can really only get the first the middle of it. You gotta get a couple of mites out of the middle and then you toss them. It tastes like something from an airport. I don't know where they get those. Wees out of the middle and then you toss them. Tastes like something from an airport. Yeah. I don't know where they get those. We have them every single Monday. And everyone hates them. Yeah, but they were all gone today.

This was like the one, it was like a lone survivor. There was only one left. Really? They were all gone? Yeah, it's because the folks are in town. Oh, yeah. They're like, damn, dude, I didn't know they get free fucking sandwiches here. I gotta start coming to HQ more often. We've never seen any of these people. We don't even know any of our coworkers. They're just random people.

Are you a breakfast guy? Or do you usually like to put something in your body in the morning? What the heck? What are you flirting with me? Yeah, because I got some fucking piping hot sausage brother if you like that

some pork sausage bro yeah I like to eat breakfast yeah that's so sick the hard hitting question that's so good dude this is gonna be a great episode interview of the year yeah what do you think about lunch

you eat lunch I'm a lunch guy Interview of the year. Ask him about lunch. Yeah, what do you think about lunch? You eat lunch? I'm a lunch guy. Brunch on weekends. Really? I'll do some brunch. No way, bro. That's awesome. So what have you been up to, Colin?

Comedy. Tell us about yourself for those who don't know. How do you write your material? Let's talk about GameTime, okay? GameTime is a new ticketing app that makes it easier than ever to score last-minute deals on tickets to sports, concerts, and shows, and they guarantee the lowest price. I want to go see the Mets play at some point this summer, the Yankees, the Red Sox. Hell, I might even go see the Celtics in the playoffs. Okay? And I'm going to do that by downloading the GameTime app, going to the account tab,

create a login, redeeming the code BOYDAD for $20 off my first purchase. Turns applied. Go ahead, download the GameTime app. Last minute tickets, lowest price guaranteed. Yeah. Wait, where were we? So tell the viewers

about yourself. I'm a comedian. I'm Irish. Yeah, you're Irish. Is that true? Shut the fuck up, bro. I'm an immigrant. Dude, I had an awkward-ass encounter this past weekend. I was sitting at a bar and a couple with an accent came up to me and the bartender leaned

over and she was like, what part of Ireland are you from? And they were like, we're from Scotland. Which has got to be the biggest slap in the face. No, that's not as bad. No? What's the worst? English. Because English suck. You're British, aren't you? You also don't sound British at all.

Yeah, but people just don't know. They just hear an accent. People think I'm Australian all the time. I can see Australian, but British? You know what I get? I get Russians see me and they stop me because they think I'm Russian. Really? People, every day I walk through and they'll just hear,

and then I'm like, what? And they go, I also get the president of the Ukraine. People think I look like that guy. Yeah, you do. What's his name? Zelensky? Zelensky. But too wise. Everything I post, people fucking... You do kind of look like him. He's a heartthrob, too.

Like, people are... You're in, like, better... Creaming for... Yeah, he's a little bigger. He's like a... Shut the fuck up. He's a little more jacked than you. Yeah, he's going through a fucking war right now.

He has to be jacked. He's not on the front lines fighting. He's wearing a fake body. That's not even him. It's a whole body double. He's an actor. You know that? He's also even him. It's a whole body double. He's an actor. You know that? He's also a comedian.

Yeah. He just got a significantly hotter dude to be his body double for war times. Yeah, probably. You think presidents have body doubles? Yes, 100%.

Yeah? Yeah. Wouldn't you get someone a little bit better looking than you? No. You'd get someone uglier? Yeah.

No, because that's the dude everyone sees. So you want people to think that you're super hot. But then when they see me in person, they're like, whoa, you're in way better shape than I thought you were.

That's what you'd rather? You'd rather the few people that meet you rather than the millions that see you from afar? Yes. That's some bullshit. How long have you been over here, bro? How long have you been living here? You don't dress like you're Irish. What do you want? A kilt? A kilt and a little pig under my arm?

A big ass chunky sweater. I'm going to Ireland this summer for the first time. Oh, you're going to love it. Yeah, I feel like I will love it. It's great. I'm going with my family and they're all like, what do you want to do? And I'm like, the only thing I want to do is I pull up at a bar and fucking drink a heavy ass beer for fucking 18 hours straight.

Yeah, yeah. That's pretty much all it. No, Ireland as a vacation is the best. Yeah. I love it. Yeah. It's boring to live there, but visiting is the best. Why?

What's the difference as far as lifestyle and how it goes down? Well, you're drinking every day. Well, I guess that's the same regardless. But like, you're on vacation. It's just like, it's fun to go visit, but like things close relatively early. You know, you can't get a coffee at 5 p.m. You're everything shut. That sucks.

But it's fun. Do you go back a lot? Yeah, I tried to go back at least once a year. I didn't go home last year because of COVID. I'm going home in October and December. When's the best time to get out there? July probably.

Less likely to be raining. I didn't realize that it's skinny as fuck up there. You can go from shore to shore in like 30 minutes or whatever it is. Three and a half hours. Three hours. You just could throw

a fucking baseball from fucking shore to shore out there. And it's cool. And everywhere is different too. It's like, you know, even though it's only

a three hour drive, like the accent, you'll go to like four different accents. Yeah. Before you even get to the other side. Yeah.

Oh yeah, there's like a really deep one, right? Everywhere has a different accent. Like a thick. You were telling me about the poor, there's like a real, what's the, where is the area

that has like a super, like you can't even understand what they're saying because it's so thick. Oh, there's parts of like, down, there's parts of like in Kerry, which is the south,

where they sound like chickens. They do, and I don't understand them. They go, how's it going? They go, good morning. Is Meepaw Molly from Ireland? She's Liverpool.

No, she's from Scouser. Liverpool. So all the Irish moved to Liverpool back in the day. And that's where they get that horrible accent from. It's like, Dude, it does. It strikes me as weird how like accents do affect like the pitch and What is your fucking chicken? Dude, it does, it strikes me as weird how like accents do affect like the pitch

and tone of your voice. Like there are people who have a higher voice and like there's deeper accents. Like the people sitting next to me at the bar, the Scottish people, like the dude and the wife

had like deep ass voices. It was kind of sweet though. Yeah. As a guy who doesn't have a super deep voice, I was a little jealous that culturally they just have that fucking nice

ass fucking deep voice. Like they took some fucking helium. What's the opposite of helium? deep voice. I was a little jealous that culturally they just have that fucking nice-ass fucking deep voice. Like, they took some fucking helium. Or what's the opposite of helium? What's the shit that makes it?

Fuck, what is it? What is it? I don't know what it is. Fuck, I forget what it's called. What is, of the American accents

you've heard, which ones, like, strike you as, like, real goofy and which ones sound cool to you?

Goofy? Would be like, fucking, is it Ben Avery, the fucking Wisconsin member making a murderer. Making a murderer. Do you remember that show?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that where they were from? I don't even remember that. It's like a Midwest accent. Yeah, that's like a goofy one. From Wisconsin, like cheese and kielbasa, Polish sausage. I can't do it, yes. And even some sort of Chicago accent. Yeah, that's like a goofy one. From Wisconsin, like cheese and kielbasa, Polish sausage. I can't do it, yes. And even some sort of Chicago accent that kind of fucked up too. Yeah, that Midwest.

I never really picked up that much on the Midwest accent. Chicago accent. My mom is from Chicago and she'd always be like, Adam, go get your jacket. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You left it on the roof. That is exactly how it sounds. In Fargo. Yeah, the Fargo accent is so good.

It's so goofy. I love it, though. I think it's so funny. Yeah. When the police officers are investigating a triple homicide, they're like, wow, not looking too good. I can't do it. He blew his head right off his head.

And they always talk about, because they're from Minnesota, or like, where's Fargo? But they're always like, Minnesota nice. Like, we're nice as fuck from Minnesota. Like, if you have to tell people all the time how nice you are, and just because you have a sweet-ass accent, you're probably not that nice, dude. That's fucking- And they're just very, like, proper.

And they're just bragging about being nice. That doesn't strike me as nice either. Just be nice or don't. I don't think they're that nice. If being nice is your thing, it just means you have nothing. Yeah. It means you have nothing at all to offer the world. That is true, dude.

You're just like scared that people aren't going to like you, so you're just nice. You don't even have statues or anything. You're just like, we're the nice people. Yeah, nice people get rolled the fuck over. They may have corn. They got a lot of corn. Nice people have corn. Yeah.

Nice ass people have tons of fucking corn. I don't even think they're that nice, dude. When I lived in, I lived in Wisconsin for like a month and they like, don't like, like when you're walking down the street, I noticed that like, they don't look at you or like make, they don't even like attempt to like, like, cause like when you're in like a suburbs of somewhere else, say Massachusetts, you wave to people. Yeah. You're walking by them. You say, Hey, how's it going?

You do? Yeah. Yeah. In Wisconsin, it's like they look in wisconsin they look the other direction no that's true hey it's like looks like rain and in wisconsin they look the other way yeah they like mad at you they turn around they like don't they try and avoid eye contact with you is that why you don't like new york if it's two people walking on a street and like it's just you guys, they won't even like acknowledge you.

Maybe because nice people are scared as fuck. That's why they're nice. Yeah, because they're just pussy. You're a hoodlum. You're just a young hoodlum. I know. I'm a troublemaker. That's it.

You're a neighborly troublemaker. That's my nickname around here is troublemaker. Yeah, it is. You're a bad motherfucker in these parts. What were you guys doing together on... All right, first I want to know what accents you think are sweet in the US. What's a fucking sweet-ass accent that we have? I guess a Southern is nice.

Yeah. It can be, but, you know, that's, like, such a wide range. But I can't really hear the difference between, like, a Texas and, like, Tennessee or something. I wouldn't really know. Yeah. You guys might be able to tell the difference. I can't. What's your perception of Southerners?

Like fucking, they're fucking cowboys or do you think they're simple folk? Yeah, but nice blend. A hybrid of that. Simple man with a cowboy hat. I like them. Yeah, I like them too.

I like all the people except for the fucking those nice ass Midwesterners. Were you just in Texas? Or are you you going there soon I'm going next week get your tickets plug your shit I've got dates coming up in Houston, Austin, San Antonio

you can get tickets on my social media at Columntirl fuck yeah I'm about to buy some tickets I'm not even going to go to the show, but I'm about to buy just support. Good. Do you care either way? Like as long as the tickets are bought, right? I wouldn't care.

Or you want a warm body in the seat. I would prefer. A body of any temperature. A cold ass body. I'll send a cadaver over, bro. I can't make it, but I'm going to send a little body double over, something else to sit around. Didn't 50 Cent do that to like Ja Rule or something where he bought like an entire- The whole section?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The front couple rows? Yeah, didn't he buy the whole, he bought all the tickets, I thought, right? What a fucking savage. But honestly, that wouldn't bother me that much if I was just going to fucking- I mean, he's getting the money. They would, but as a comedian, that's like horrific to show up and just have no one there except for one person in the crowd.

Really? Miles down the back. What would you even do? do i don't know i'd still be happy to be honest i'd be happy for the money yeah yeah i mean yeah it's like nothing really like one person might see you bomb not the worst yeah i need the money more than i need my pride yeah i did a rap show one time when there was where there was literally one person in the room. It was like a place where you walk through the bar and then you go to the back room. You go through two double doors and there was just one person there watching the show. And there was four or five people at the bar.

They could have easily just walked into the next room and fucking supported the rap show. But it was one person there. Yeah, that's tough. Maybe the most humiliating and humbling thing of all time. Yeah. I probably couldn't have felt worse about myself. And had to give it all like yo yo yo you fucking the dude didn't have when i gave him mine it was fucking bad

there's a famous there's a famous story of a comedian who knows if it's true but in Edinburgh they have the Edinburgh Fringe and you can have some bad shows out there

because it's like someday it's sold out the next day there's two people and you just do the show and then some guy went out

and there was two people in the crowd and they're kind of down the end and he said fuck I'll just do the set. And one of them's laughing enough and the other person's not really laughing. And at one point the person gets up and leaves. One of them gets up and leaves and the other person's just staying there.

And he doesn't. And so he just keeps doing this act, but he's not getting a single laugh for like 30 minutes. He's just someone in the shadows. And at the end he's like, all right, thanks. It's over. And doesn't get a single laugh. And then he turns on the shadows. And at the end, he's like, all right, thanks. It's over. And doesn't get a single laugh. And then he turns on the light. It was the guy's jacket.

No. He's just doing material to an empty chair. That's awesome. That was the silhouette of a human. Yeah. That's unreal. That's fucking hilarious.

I hope that's true. Yeah. It could be. Edinburgh is brutal. I had a show before there was eight people and I walked everyone. I walked the entire crowd. that's true. Yeah. It could be. Edinburgh is brutal. I had a show before there was eight people and I walked everyone. I walked the entire crowd

and walked out. Yeah. It was just bad. How long did you do? 15 minutes maybe. But I went out. It was bad. Damn.

That was a quick walk in. Dude, it started bad and it got worse, dude. But I was, I wasn't in the mood. Sometimes audiences just aren't up for it. It just happens

it's just an organic thing it doesn't really matter you could be at the comedy cell on a Saturday night and there's just a dutch crowd for some reason I don't know why

but it was like that and I came out and I did like a joke and then someone left like pretty much straight away it was like the first joke of it

nope and he left and I'm you remember what you said or what the joke was or like what it was something probably I think it was something

about having sex with special needs. Was it actually? I think it was. Something about, I can't remember what the joke was. Something about neither of us can take off the bra or something. I can't remember what it was exactly. That's funny as fuck.

Something like that. Way to go out swinging. You're not trying to save your audience. I did the opposite I was like I'm gonna make this bad get the fuck out of here but I came out to it

like no applause like it started bad yeah it happened to me last night with the host like give it up and the crowd was like no I'm not giving it up

but why would you not it's so weird give it up it's so annoying it's like they're paying to be there yeah and they just sit there and they just sit there

like angry like someone forced them to go exactly yeah and yeah so then they got up and then I went oh that's one let's see what else happens and then I just kept going harder And they just sit there like angry. Like someone forced them to go. Exactly. Yeah. And yeah, so then they got up and then I went, oh, that's one. Let's see what else happens. And then I just kept going harder and harder.

And then eventually someone else left and it got down to like two couples. And then one couple got up and left. And I go, do you guys want to keep going? And the guy goes, let's just hang it up there. Were you like the last person to go up? i was headlining so i was the only person to go so it's like this is an hour would have been awesome if you were the first person you just ruined the show for everyone i would love to do that a room of a hundred being able to clear out a whole fucking room the room clear was this at fringe was this at Edinburgh Fringe this is at the Edinburgh Fringe

yeah what is that like is it like plays and shit like that or is it is it comedy there's loads of stuff yeah there's plays

there's comedy there's music improv and shit yeah it's everything there's every single thing there's like a motorbike fucking festival at the same time

it's just Edinburgh is just a small town or city in Scotland and then there's like millions of people come in

for a month for this whole festival and it's just everywhere you turn it's just like a carnival. The streets are packed. Yeah, it's fun. So there's loads of shit though.

You know, there's comedy. There's a lot of gay drama stuff. Yeah, dude, my freshman year of college I was in, I was in a fucking play

at Penn State. It was called Word Up and a dude wrote it. It was a fucking like, I was in a fucking play at Penn State. It was called Word Up, and a dude wrote it. It was a fucking like, it was a play where like, and they basically put me in the play because I was like a white dude that could rap. There was like a part of the whole play where I'd go out into the crowd and people would hold shit up and I'd like freestyle off. I was just like pretty much learning how to rap or whatever. But the play did well enough at Penn State, and the whole time they were like,

this summer we got fucking signed to Fringe, dude. We're going to fucking Fringe. And they made it seem like it was like the fucking, like, like Cans or some shit like that, that it was like a massive thing. And then they just fucking canceled on us. They were probably like a fucking white dude that raps to the crowd. Fuck no, dude.

We're not having this fucking play at Fringe or whatever. But I've always wondered what, I mean, it kind of sounds sweet just having like a motorcycle rally and people trying to do standup or whatever. It's not, well, there's so many different types.

There's like the worst bar show comedy. There's people just doing comedy on the street. There's people just tiny little rooms like this. Like you'll, there is rooms like this where they'll just go in and there's like, they can fit 15, 20 people in a tiny room. And then there's also celebrities that go play like thousands of their venues.

So there's like loads of different stuff. Is it happening like on the streets? Like, can you tell when you're walking around that it's happening? Or is it like when you go to like a film festival and you're like, I didn't even know it was happening in the city because they're just in theaters? No, in Edinburgh, it's so busy that you can't walk down the street because it's so packed. So, you know, it's on, you know, and it's expensive too. Rent goes through the roof. Yeah because it's so packed. So you know it's on. Yeah.

And it's expensive too. Rent goes through the roof. Yeah. Maybe you should go do your little rap thing. I kind of want to do my little rap thing, dude. Yeah, go. I should.

Should we go? Yeah, we should. Oh, look, it's pepper spray. Is that a bagel? I would like plant people in the fucking crowd to like hold shit up. But how much stuff could possibly be in someone's handbag?

You know what I mean? Keys. It's just wallets and keys. It's always keys and vapes. What rhymes with vape? Papes. I don't know. Like the nape of someone's neck, maybe.

I would talk a lot about the napes of necks and shit like that. That was one of your big ones? Yeah, yeah. That was a heavy hitter. It's like... Oh, nape. He just said Nate the theater crowd is like the fucking

easiest crowd to uh to like please though that's why uh Hamilton went off because like those people are just fucking like pleased by like

the simplest thing they're like pleased by like the fucking easiest joke yeah the fucking simplest shit you don't like you didn't like Hamilton I didn't

I'm not even gonna to watch it, dude. I'm never going to see fucking Hamilton. You've never seen it? No. They do an all-white reboot. Then I'll watch it. Maybe. All right.

And they do traditional. Once Tom McDonald's is playing fucking country music instead of fucking this hip-hop. I don't really fuck with that stuff. What? Hip-hop or plays? Like plays. Me neither. It's just never been with that stuff. What? Hip hop or plays? No, like plays. Me neither.

It's just never been something that I'm into at all. I remember we used to have to go watch the school play when I was in high school. And it was like, always, I was like, this fucking sucks. Because drama kids, it's just like tough. It's like, I know this isn't happening. Yeah. You would never break out in song. You would never sing like that.

Yeah. That shit just doesn't happen. Yeah. Musicals, though, I kind of fuck with. You do? Okay, yeah. So that doesn't make sense at all. I like musicals too.

But actually I take it back. I didn't like the plays where there's no music. Yeah. But I saw some musicals in school. Answer his question. What's your favorite musical? Phantom of the Opera. Oh yeah?

Yeah, it rips. I love the soundtrack on that. Fucking Sistine Daya. Yeah, it's so fucking good. Yeah, that shit's fucking sweet. What's your favorite musical? What really gets your toe tapping? I like Oklahoma.

No, you don't. Oh, the cow man. I like to be friends. You actually like Oklahoma? One man likes to milk a cow. The other man likes to pull a plow. You're like, I gotta get to the U.S. Is that what you were expecting when you were coming over? Yeah, cow man. Really? All up loud. You're like, I got to get to the US. This is it.

This is it. Is that what you were expecting when you were coming over? Yeah, cow men. Really? Just cow men. Did you, when you moved here, did you move here for comedy? It was part of it. Yeah. I was going to.

So you were doing comedy in Ireland. I had started in Ireland. Yeah. How'd that go? It was good. Yeah. But it's a small scene. Yeah.

You know, like you can get up. My first year I did, I performed like 12 times. I open mics. Oh really? You go do an open mic and then they'd be like, I see you in four weeks. I'm like,

all right. Yeah. So there just wouldn't be another one. There'd just be nothing else to do. Really? Yeah. And then like,

so if, if it went well, you'd be happy. But if you bomb, you just have four weeks of just being miserable. Yeah. To get back up.

Yeah. Yeah. That blows. That's terrible. And you're just like, were you like working on it or were you just like, let let it go and just be like i'll just pick it up in four weeks yeah you're like damn it i flipped that line so there's four weeks waiting to fix it at the beginning i used to do like i just did a different 10 minute set every single time

really yeah i think at the beginning you're just like so happy to get on board you just want to talk and talk and talk things like that yeah and then you moved here and then it's whatever. But I was going to leave Ireland anyway. There's something ingrained in our soul to just get the fuck off that island. Something, I don't know what it is,

but we're all just, everyone's just walking around going, this can't be it. I swear. I swear. Everyone's like, my brother,

he went to Australia. I came here. Fuck yeah. My sister went to the Caribbean. What's the most popular place that people go? Like, do they all come here? Or is it just... Australia more so now.

Yeah? Yeah, they used to all come here, but then fucking 9-11 made it. Australia's never had a 9-11. But you probably couldn't talk to your brother all during COVID or whatever. Weren't they on like some kind of crazy lockdown? Australia?

I think they still are. You couldn't even get on the phone or whatever? I don't even fucking know. They couldn't get on the phone? Yeah, they couldn't even write letters to each other. FaceTime someone and kick the door down. Who is that? Put the phone down. So how long did you move to

2014? 2014. Yeah, I moved here. To New York the whole time? New York the whole time, yeah. So I don't really know what anywhere else is like. I visited, obviously, you know. You've been going around, though. You've been doing shows.

Yeah, but that's like, you don't know why. You don't really see the city when you're doing that. Yeah, and all cities are so shit. Just every time you go visit a city. What's your favorite one that you've done? What's your favorite city you've been to aside from New York? Allbirds. Allbirds are a footwear company that creates amazing shoes.

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I have no idea. I don't know if I, did you do Nashville? No, not yet. Are you doing it? Yeah, I'm going to do Nashville.

What are you doing? Xenius? September 11th. Actually, we have a theme to this. Wait, it's not even on September 11th. It's just September 11th

theme show? In August, all September 11th jokes? 9-11 memorabilia? Exactly. It's a celebration. Yeah. Half price tickets

if you dress like a terrorist. Just so you know. Nashville? Yes, come out Nashville. Wrap up. Wrap up. Wrap up. Wrap up.

Wrap up. I'll be selling my own merch. Yeah, exactly. Out front. Do you think booking, do you think booking, do you think it's hard to book a show on 9-11

because like everyone wants to do 9-11 shows? No. You don't think so? People don't even acknowledge it anymore. I don't think. No way.

What? No. People don't acknowledge it? But it's not like a day of observance. It's not like everyone has to sit in silence and like... No, but like for like I'm sure a lot of comedians want to go up on 9-11 because they can do like low-hanging

9-11 jokes. They could, I guess, potentially. I wouldn't know any of those type of comics. I hang around with good comics. You're just sitting around. We talk about fucking babies and like just having a kid. know any of those type of comics. I hang around with good comics. Fuck yeah. You're just sitting around 9-11. We talk about fucking

babies and like disabled kids. We moved on from 9-11. I'm an artist. You are dude. The problem is respect yourself. 9-11 jokes are very

topical for a while whereas like you know sex with disabled children is just like a constant. That's evergreen. That's not going anywhere. As long as human beings are alive that will be part of our repertoire.

There will be a sect of us that are doing that, and I say us. Yeah. Inclusively. Yeah, and you can go to any country and they'll just get it. Yeah. They've got it too. Yeah, of course. They embrace it more too.

Yeah, they've got it fucking everywhere. What was the decision like to, uh, to move here? What was, uh, what, what did you have to like fucking tell a bunch of people or are you just like,

fuck it. I did it on a whim. I did it on a whim. Didn't tell anyone. That's awesome. Did you say whim? And now I've repeated your whim. Cause that's the type of thing that I would like,

have I been saying it wrong? A whim. A whim. Uh, yeah, I, I, I finished college and then I just hated, I had a job like working for like AT&T type thing. I just hated it. And I think I was hungover.

And I was just like, this can't be it. So you just packed your shit and left? I went into the city straight after work and I went to like a travel agent type thing where they organize visas and stuff. And I just like right then just put down like 2000 euro, whatever it was to cost for me to come over stuff. And I just like write down, just put down like 2000 euro, whatever it was to cost for me to come over here. Then I just came home. I was like,

I'm moving to New York. No way. That's crazy. What did they say? Just, yeah, see you later. That's awesome.

Yeah. Yeah. Just see you once a year. I was, yeah, but I was gonna, I could go once a year. But I was, yeah, but I was going to, I could go for a year. I was either going to go to London or New York.

And at the time I had a graduate visa because I graduated college. So you're allowed to come over for a year. And yeah, so I just said, fuck it, might as well try New York while I can. And that one year turned into fucking seven or eight or whatever it is now. That's awesome. Yeah, thanks. Yeah. Fuck yeah.

Where'd you move first when you were out here? Were you living with roommates? Were you living solo? God. So there was a girl I knew from college who lived out in Hoboken and she like politely in passing was like, if you need somewhere to crash, you can stay in my house.

Really? And I, I showed up. I was like, Hey, I'm coming here on Friday. It was like Wednesday. I messaged her.

I was like, I'll be here on Friday. Can I crash? And she was like, I guess, you was like I guess I have all my earthly belongings and then I didn't

leave her house for like six or seven days and then she was like can I see her last night I don't care where you have to go

you gotta leave this house she was like yeah I thought six or seven days isn't that bad I thought you were going to say

six or seven months dude I didn't even know the chick oh you did it no damn I kind of knew her like, you did it? No, no. Damn. Yeah. I kind of knew it, like, barely, you know?

And then I stayed in the worst place of all time. I stayed in a place in Brownsville in Brooklyn. Good for you. It was a fucking shithole, dude. I think I was paying, like, the entire rent for the entire house. It was like someone's family. I swear to God. It was someone's, it was like a family. And it was like someone's family it was someone I swear to god it was someone's it was like a family

and it was like a black family and I'm like the white Irish immigrant it was like literally like a bad sitcom where it's just like yeah yeah yeah that sounds like an awesome sitcom yeah

you ain't done you ain't done a season of Chicken? dude I honestly think that if you wrote that, there'd be some studio that would be like, we're making, or like Tyler Perry might just like chef it up and be like, we're going to fuck it. But he'd play the Irish dude. Yeah, exactly.

Swoop in and play the Irish dude. Yeah, he's just bagpiping away. Yeah, so I lived there, but I was horrible. There was like mice and cockroaches. I think I was paying like $500 a month and I had one room and then there was like another room

where the family lived and there was, the father was like the fattest man of all time. He was like a 450 pound man and he was literally out of prison

for selling crack. Like I, like if you, if I pitch this as a sitcom, they're like, can we tone it down? I was like,

yeah, a little on the nose. Yeah, a little bit more. Yeah, that's funny. He's a gangbanger. I'm like, no, no.

Yeah. And he, and he would puke. I don't know what happened. He had some issues where, so he'd just be puking all night. I'd just be hearing him in the fucking bathroom. There was a bunch of kids that would be running around the place.

I never knew who they were, what their names were. It was fucking. Were you just loving America you're just underneath their car yeah right so what was your thoughts on that

like were you like this was a terrible idea it was everything I ever hoped I can't I was just so fucking naive at the time that I kind of didn't even acknowledge it

I would just be waking up with mice nibbling at my fucking bed uh uh jeez actually yeah yeah yeah it was horrible

damn they kept going the family that I was renting from they kept going the family that I was renting from they kept going through my mail I kept like coming home and they're like

my mail any cash in here they'd hand me my mail and it would all be ripped open I'm like why is this open they're like

we thought it was ours and I'm like okay and then the next day I'm like dude what do you think someone's sending me a check what the fuck is going on

you gotta start putting bombs in your fucking mail did you see that video yesterday of the dude like trying to steal the package off a on? You gotta start putting bombs in your fucking mail. Did you see that video yesterday of the dude trying to steal the package off a porch and someone just left a bomb in it? Oh, wow. It didn't kill the guy, but it just... Like a glitter bomb? Yeah, it was a real bomb. The dude was like,

ex-military motherfucker, stop stealing my mail. Oh, wow. That's fucked up. It was a guy who kept on stealing his mail. Imagine you tried to kill a celebrity. You were like, I'm going to bomb this celebrity. And then some just, someone just stole the package off their fucking,

then you got to deal with that. Yeah, you just killed the wrong person. You got to try again. And now mail bombs taken. Mail bombs aren't really, they were never really a big success, I don't think.

Why not? The Unabomber failed a lot. But he probably succeeded at easing them out. I think he only killed like The Unabomber failed a lot. But he probably succeeded at easing them out. I think he only killed like three people. He probably had a couple. Yeah, how many have you killed, dude?

What do you have? That's a success. It was over the course of like 60 years. It's awesome pundit, dude. It was over the course of so long. Every failure brings you

closer to a success, right? I don't even know. He's chipping away. Tower, can you look that up? How many people did the Unabomber kill? It was probably only three or four, but still, that's a fucking lot. That's enough to look up how many bombs he sent, like a thousand.

No. Dude was constantly sending out bombs. Three. He killed three. How many bombs did he send? That's pretty good. He didn't send a thousand bombs. He injured 23 others.

That's pretty good, too. Injured as in they got a little scratch on their arm. As far as a success rate. Paper cut opening the fucking package. I think the Unabomber is 16. Yeah, okay. That's a terrible KD. What's the ratio there?

What's that, one in three? Two in eight, one in four. You're right. And how many didn't injure anybody? Were there any that just like people were unscathed? Just blew up in the back of the fucking mail truck or whatever or just weak ass bombs he's a weirdo

I watched the whole documentary about him why would you no but like he's more weird he's weirder than I thought he would like call his mom and like oh fuck this dude mom I need money.

And the writing was on the wall. And he would be like, it's your fault that I've never felt the touch of a woman. That one's probably not wrong. Probably.

If his mom had just fucked him, none of this would have happened. Yeah. If she had just fucked him off the rip, 23 more people would be on skates. I'm 40 years old

and I've never even been to second base, mom. That's what you'd say? Yeah. Seriously. She should have just sent him some... What's that, a titty?

Did a titty? He's a fucking weirdo. But that probably means he's been to first base so he's been making out fucking ruthlessly. He's always making out. He pays extra

to make out with a prostitute. Yeah. What type of guy can kiss a prostitute? A lot of the reason dude like a part of the reason that he went crazy was because he was living

in fucking the woods of I think where was it I don't know you've definitely been studying up I watched a documentary

about him like why do I feel this way and the planes would go over his uphouse and he would like lose his mind and he'd try and shoot down the planes

with like a musket. Damn. Yeah. But does that's what made him crazy? I feel like you want a peace and quiet. If you move to the woods, you're already crazy. Oh, yeah. Surely. Yeah, definitely. He's already I mean, yeah. Like cities are where like society happens

and the further you move away from a city is like the more you want to remove yourself from society. It's like I want to be I don't want to be part of these rules of society. Well, I could see moving away from a city. Yeah. But I'm saying like the farther you go, the more like individualistic you are with your ideals. Like you're on some fucking weird shit if you're just living in a cabin. Like, you know that you're not trying to be like among other human beings and living how they want you to live.

I want to do that. I want to go to like a cabin in Alaska. Just me, some tinned food, and like a shotgun in case a grizzly bear shows up or something. You think you could mentally sustain that? I don't know. I don't know. I want to figure it out.

I think I could do it. I think I could just use the shotgun. It's been two hours. I think I could do it for like... I need to tweet. I need to tweet. I think I could do it for like a week, maybe. But I need to tweet. I think I could do it for like a week, maybe. But didn't...

Probably like four days. Bon Iver. That guy. Yeah. Bon Iver. Didn't he... Like his girlfriend broke up with him, so then he was like, fuck this, and he's moved to the cabin.

Really? And then he just like wrote that album. His like famous album. Really? It was just him and a guitar and nothing else. And then... That's pretty impressive. Jerked himself.

Fucking... Oh, he jerked himself silly. Crazy. Oh, my God. He was probably, like, sampling his jizz splattering on the ground. Those musicians are crazy. You probably can't smell a pine tree now without getting hard, you know?

It's just, I mean... Yeah, definitely. But then he came back and had that killer album. Just the sound of a babbling brook and he's fucking nutting himself, dude. He's just going insane. Sufjan Stevens did the same thing. He just packed all his shit and got into a van and just got

away from everybody. Baseball player, was it? He's just like Bon Iver. He's like the same class of people. Yeah, but he's way better. Was he? Sufjan Stevens over Bon Iver? Yeah. No, I'm the other way, he? Sufjan Stevens over Bon Iver? Yeah. No, I'm the other way, dude.

I'm an Iver. Sufjan Stevens is like an amazing writer. Is he? Yeah. I think Iver's a pretty good writer, dude. Not like Sufjan Stevens. I think Iver is pretty nice with it. Is it Sufjan? I don't think it's Sufjan.

How is it? Sufjan? Sufan? Sufan? There's a J in the middle of the word, dude. I thought you were saying Sufjan. Sufjan. I don't There's a J in the middle of the word. I thought you were saying Soufjan. Soufjan. I don't think it's Soufjan Stevens. You sound like a

WWE wrestler. Soufjan Stevens. Some guy in a Souf. It's Soufjan. Don't get blood on my throat. It's probably Soufjan. Spirit of my silence, I can't hear you

is that soup jane i'm afraid to be near you yeah no that shit sounded gay as fuck is that the call me by your name soundtrack you were

singing that's not call me by your name that was call me by your name dude that's maybe that song's in call me by your name

call me by your name or whatever that's you're thinking of uh mystery of love is that what it's called i was thinking i was singing a different one shit sounds wild gay bro it's not it's actually really straight call me by your name no dude call me by her name is that what that's obviously call me by your name's gay i don't know bro too skinny skinny love is pretty pretty yeah nah that's cool no skinny love is fire

come on skinny love don't something something you know my my my it's a banger it's a banger

he's just in the cabin but also I don't know enough Bon Iver that's the only song you need to listen to more of it I know skinny love and I know beach

beach something dude let's all of us let's the five of us go to a Bon Iver concert and then let's go to a Sufjan Stevens concert and let's put them head to head. Let's do the taste test. That would not be fun. With a bunch of your dudes just like sitting, like swaying back and forth. This rips, dude. Spirit of my silence.

It's tough to go to this is a fucking blast any type of concert where you have to sit down is like a little bit tough nah we'll all do Molly and just sort of cry just like touching each other

yeah I really don't go to concerts yeah do you do anything I don't think I've ever heard you say you do anything every time I've asked you

do you do something you're just like nah I'm not really nah I don't you like sports nah music nah I love music he's I don't you like sports nah music nah I love music

he's just not like shit oh no I love music that's why he doesn't sweat he doesn't do anything he doesn't like anything he's just sweating right now what do you do and he's like

I can't just sit on the couch on Twitter that's not true you're just a social media I did not say that you're a fucking whore dude you're lying you're lying

sometimes you travel places and then that's how that he goes I don't like concerts and then I go see you don't like music he's like I fucking love music i do i do like music yeah when you're sitting on your phone scrolling through instagram i listen to a lot of music i'm always listening to music what do you what do you listen to oh no oh no oh no no no jesus christ tiktok trends are music to you?

I wouldn't know, bro. I'm not on TikTok. Not like you. Oh. Shit, you fucking roasted me. Yeah, he did. Let's do the screen time. Let's pull up our screen time from this week. Let's all go around and say our screen time.

I'll pull up my screen time. Do you guys have a little screen time tournament? I was at six hours and 30 minutes a day this past week. How did you even find it? Settings, is it? Where is it? I think we did this like the other day. Oh, I'm at three hours and 50 minutes.

Today. It's the morning still. I just bumped up to four hours and 13 minutes. It's the morning, dude. Did you get up early to get on your phone? You set your alarm just so you could scroll the timeline? No, my daily average this week is 4 hours and 13 minutes. This week, it's one day.

It's the one day of the week. Sunday. Mine's 5-5. For the last week, swipe to the left. 5-5? Mine's 5-5. Dude, you're out. Mine was 8 hours and 40 minutes last week.

How many did you say? Holy shit. 8 hours and 40 minutes. No, 7 hours and eight minutes. A lot of mine is driving though. Is it? Google Maps driving. Liquid IV is the future of hydration.

I actually drink liquid IVs like at least once a day just because it helps me stay hydrated. One stick of liquid IV hydration multiplier in 16 ounces of water hydrates you two times faster and more efficiently than water alone. That's two times faster. I like to use liquid IV after working out, maybe after a long night on the town, before bed, anything. I really do drink them like multiple times a day though. They're tasty and they hydrate yeah um what flavor do i

like the most i really like the lime slash lemon flavor that's probably my personal favorite um something important about liquid ivs you can grab them in bulk nationwide at costco you can get 25 off of your liquid iv.com and use code sun so you get them at costco or you get them online and you can use code sun for 25 off at checkout use code sun experience better hydration today on liquidiv.com promo code sun oh really yeah so that's where i think most of it has to come from you have a car in new york oh yeah dude what the fuck fuck yeah dude is it uh do you have a parking spot or you just park in willy nilly Just leave it wherever I want. Really? Just in front of a hydrant.

What a... Yeah, fuck that. I leave a threatening note. Don't you fucking touch this car. Fuck you up. You don't know who the fuck I am. Yeah. I will send a mail bomb to your house if you touch my fucking car.

Holy shit. You're a psycho for having a car in New York. It's all right. It's my girl's. Oh, yeah. Oh, hell yeah. My wife's got a car too. She doesn't right. It's my girl's. Oh, yeah. Oh, hell yeah. My wife's got a car, too. She doesn't let me drive it, though.

Like, babe, please. She gives me lifts sometimes. I just want to drive around the block. I just want to go to Wegmans. She's like, fuck no. She bitches me out badly. I just never... I never even have the desire to drive.

I don't even want to drive in New York. I feel like driving in Brooklyn wouldn't be that bad at all. I feel like it's stressful to drive anywhere in New York, even as I'm driving out of the city, just stopping and going or trying to get ahead of somebody, trying to get into a tunnel. It's just automatic stress on your brain.

Maybe. I don't think it's that bad. I'm just built different, dude. You don't even feel stress? That'd be so fire to just have that part of your brain. When I moved into my new apartment, I drove up. I drove my mom's car up and I was fucking whipping around the city. Were you?

It was fine. You didn't mind at all? No. No, you get used so fast. I feel like just getting out of the city is the worst part of like getting onto the bridge. Getting out of the city sucks. Like if you're just going around Manhattan or going around Brooklyn, but like as soon as you have to go from one borough to another, it turns into a fucking headache to you.

The only thing that I was scared about was bikers. I thought I was going to hit a biker. Yeah. Because those guys don't give a fuck. Oh, they die left and right. Yeah, those guys don't give a fuck and they go so fast. And did you see the new city bikes? They're like motorcycles. Yeah. They're like the same shit Meek Mill rides around on. They have like a full-ass

motor. The silver ones, they're fucking... Yeah, people are just fucking... No, I haven't weighed this actually a thing. Yeah, there's new silver city bikes that are like, I think they go fast as fuck. Damn. Like if you get hit by a car while you're on one of them, your brain is exploding. Dude,

all those after COVID, because when COVID happened, all the streets were pretty empty. So all these delivery drivers for fucking group, whoever, were just going anywhere they wanted. They didn't stop at lights or nothing. And then slowly everyone started coming back out again.

And all these guys were just getting flattened all up and down the avenues because they were just like going wherever they want, which is like, which is, which is. They should honestly just drive in the same lane as the cars. So they go faster than the cars. That's what they're supposed to fucking do. Yeah. But you know, they've, they got bad habits, but that, that must be tough if you pull onto a road and then you crack some guy

and get like some fucking and those dudes are also probably just moved here and they're living with like six people in Brownsville in an apartment with mice eating their blankets and shit

yeah exactly yeah they're going through it but you just hit someone and then there's like some dumpling soup all over your wings and stuff

and like it's like it's like just a double what is this is this General Chaz who's like a guy on the ground yeah is this like a spicy sauce

or his blood and guts what's going on here I don't think I've ever seen anyone like get hit like that I've seen some motorcycle accidents some?

you ride motorcycles? no I don't yeah no neither do I fuck no I feel like that's just a surefire

even a vest even like a scooter like you're gonna fucking get in an accident yeah it's just a surefire. Even like a scooter, like you're going to fucking get in an accident. Yeah. It's just a matter of time. Horribly. I think it'd be nice to be on a Vespa, catcall some women, you know?

Just be like, Hey, mama! Mama! And they hop on the back with their sundress like flapping in the wind. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, where you just do that like Cuomo thing where you go,

I didn't harass him, I'm Italian. Exactly. I was just goosing her titty. I'm an Italian. It's our way. I say hello, I grab him by the pussy and I pitch the race. What do you want me to say? I fingered the broad. It's our way. What do you want me to say?

You don't have any, Irish people don't really have that, huh? That's some bullshit. Like, excuses? Yeah. Yeah. You guys just own it. yeah i did that yeah you just fucking owned it makes it stronger dudes just said what you do when you first when you were living in that apartment uh or the shared house what were you doing for work what were you doing as your first job up here i had two jobs i was i was in construction uh as a laborer and then I had a bartender, like a waiting job.

Yeah. So I'd work every day in construction and then I'd go after that, I'd go to the fucking bartender. Non-union construction? What kind of shit were you building? All sorts of dumb shit. Just,

there was one job I had, it was like, we were just, it was horrible. It was like one of these penthouses up over, overlooking Central Park. And it was one of these women and her husband. So this is how rich this cunt was. Excuse me.

And she, her husband was like one of these original brokers on Wall Street and he set up some firm. I can't remember, but he died and she was a billionaire. Damn. Holy shit. She owned the top floor of like, there's like a big famous hotel

up there. Maybe it's the Four Seasons or something. The top 10 or 20 stories are all just apartments. Yeah. So she owned one of them and she collected memorabilia

and stuff. So she had like Michael Jackson's glove and weird shit like that. Unnecessarily rich. Just so rich. And so that house was worth like whatever,

you know, 40 million. And then she bought two floors below. So she bought both of those floors and then they, they renovated it so that it became like one apartment.

And then it took them like seven years to renovate it. So she spent like 100 million buying two floors and then didn't even move in there because it was just taking so long. She just didn't even move in there because it was just taking so long she just had like

old jackets in there like it was a hard rock cafe or some shit like that yeah yeah someone was showing me photos he's walking around like you walk down her hallway it's just like

fucking Marilyn Monroe it was like white dress in a little box that's so weird that's preposterous but you have so much money it's like what else you might as well

buy something and so what you worked on that yeah so I yeah we were I was trying to scrape the paint off the fucking balcony

so I would just be in the freezing cold like it's January it's like you're 40 stories up damn that's fucking brutal and I'm just

every day just scraping this paint and there was all these other Mexican kids and what we would do is we would like it was so cold

you'd work for like 20 minutes and then you'd run inside because it was a balcony and then we would all like huddle together like penguins trying to fucking warm up just like the saddest thing. It's just the saddest. And then you go, alright, back out guys and we'd run out and scrape, scrape, scrape, scrape, scrape

and then you'd run back in. Jesus Christ. Pissing on each other for warmth. Yeah, exactly. Kiss my mouth. Whatever we could do. Where you guys, I feel like there's, I feel like a lot of construction workers get fucked up,

like smoke a ton of weed before they go in at lunch, like drink a bunch. Was it that kind of job or were you guys just like grinding all day, like fueling up with a bunch of food

at lunch and then just enough to get some energy to finish the day? Yeah, just grinding all day, I guess. That sucks. I'm not much of a drug and work guy.

No. I have tried to do that before, where I just smoke a bunch of weed, trying to kill the hours, but it just gets too... It's like the job is more annoying than... I feel like that would suck. All right, time to work again.

And you're like, oh! God, I'm always working. Chill out, man. There's a construction site across the street from me. And the dudes, like, every one of them has, like, a personalized blunt to their face before they go on the job in the morning. It looks fucking awesome. They're just having a fucking, like, powwow full circle, just getting obliterated and, like, putting up, like, siding or, like, fucking, like like putting in electricity or some shit to a building. It's like, seems fun.

There's something, it does make you feel more of a man when you've got these horrible manual labor jobs. Like you do like when your hands are all caught up and stuff like that and your shoulders hurt. And you're just like just sitting in a bar where you're fucking dirty construction, fucking clothes, just eating chicken wings and drinking a beer. There's something like you go, I'm going to fuck someone up. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to fucking crack someone with these steel toe boots

to the fucking head, dude. That is manly as fuck. That's awesome. It does make you feel kind of manly. Yeah, it's a weird one. I had to get a job like that. Yeah, just like on the side.

You need to just moonlight. Keep doing your skits. That's right. So how long after you moved to New York did you start like doing stand up like did you start

right away no I don't think I did I don't think I got on stage here the first week I did a couple of open mics

and then I was just working non-stop for like six months so I didn't do anything for like six months I just tried to it's tough when you move here

you don't have no money I'm just like and then I'm just boozing all the time too and open mics stink in New York it takes a lot

to even just do an open mic so then it just took forever and then I've kind of been on and off like it's like

it depends on how my life is because I've been bartending too so you can't really do comedy when you're bartending but COVID

kind of helped everything for me because my bar closed down so then I was just podcasting all the time and because of

the podcast I was able to get some sort of a little bit of a recognition on the scene and now things

are back open I got past the stand I'm in the cellar oh you got past the stand

got past the stand got past the cellar too that must have fired you up bro not really

I've never I think I should have been in there years ago they suck the comics suck but I'm like that with everywhere I'm just like

I should if I achieve I've already believed that I should have everything so when it happens I'm like yeah of course people are like congratulations I was like yeah So when it happens, I'm like, yeah, of course.

People are like, congratulations. I was like, yeah, it's long overdue. I was like, I'm embarrassed to only be getting this now. Really? I was like, delete my number. That's the way I am. I genuinely just believe that it's all going to work out. So when it does happen, I'm like, yeah,

I've always said this is going to happen. Fuck yeah. What about when other people become successful does that piss you off yes dude that pisses me off wait what colour are they hold on give me some details

tell me more about them you've uh you've been past the stand for a while though right yeah yeah yeah

that was another fluke I just I showed up some guy was designing like a poster for me and he was working at the stand and I showed up

to help him but I would never hang out at these places because it's gay and but like comics do that designing like a poster for me and he was working at the stand and i showed up to help him but i would never hang out at these places because it's gay and but like comics do that yeah i never understood that either they'll just like sit there and they'll take out hey sd and just yeah they'll take out their laptop and i'm just writing some material and you go what are you doing dude you psycho and it was like who's the weirdo and he like, I'm a comic and I'm just showing. People just go there like every day. And even if they have no sets. No, they'll just hang out.

It's okay if you kind of know some comics that are there. But if you're just on your own, it's just, it doesn't. It's transparent. It's like, you know what's going on. It's just weird. And especially if you're not funny. Because you can't just hang out. You can't network your way into.

Because now everyone's like, who's that guy? Oh, he's an unfunny guy but now now everyone's just going oh who's the guy on the laptop he's just an unfunny guy he's unfunny that guy is purely unfunny

and they wouldn't have known you were unfunny if you hadn't have shown up you could have got away with it yeah you just shoved your presence in everybody's face they have to acknowledge

what they think of you whether they like you or not dude I feel like you've barely touched your bagel sandwich it was it was it was dry yeah it's not good don't eat the rest of it'll probably make you sick will it yeah what's going on is this is like water eggs you know like the powdered eggs oh it is it's like that okay yeah it's a little prisonish whatever bro but at the stand i was there with the with the guy, and then someone didn't show up for a set, so they just threw me up.

Really? They had no other comic. It just happened to be that I was there, and then the owner was there, and it went well. And then he was like, all right, you're in. So I never had to audition or anything like that. Damn. That's lucky as fuck. Isn't that the same thing that happened to you with The Cellar, too?

Similar? I mean, you didn't have to audition for that either, right? Yeah, I don't know why. I was booked on a show and I think the owner saw me on that show and then I had to send in a tape and then I just got passed. But who knows?

The thing is, The Cellar is, you know, it's this big thing, right? Or at least it used to be before the internet, right? So The Cellar is like, oh, we got to get in there and everything. And it's great, a milestone,

but a lot of people don't, they don't stay in there like a lot of people get passed and then they'll just let you work there for like three weeks and then they kind of like

ah it didn't work out what do you mean it didn't work out because like the book they'll just see you do comedy for three weeks and then you might not be great oh they might not

keep on booking you no that happens to a lot of comics they'll get in and then they just get out so I hope I stay in fuck yes dude you gotta hold get them by the fucking choke hold I'm gonna fucking nail bomb the motherfucker It happens to a lot of comics. They'll get in and then they just get out. So I hope I stay in. Fuck yes, dude. You got to hold,

get them by the fucking choke hold. I'm going to fucking nail bomb the motherfuckers. Yeah, you have to nail bomb them. That's the way to stay in comedy. If I get unbooked, I'm nail bombing. Yeah, you have to.

So make no mistake, the ball's in your court now. Fuck yeah. No. Yeah, I'm ringing up, I'm ringing up Esty. I've never even gotten to second base because of you.

Trying to disguise your voice. Block Colm Tyrrell. Do not take Colm Tyrrell off the avails. Colm, is this you, Colm? No. Big Dick. Colm and his big dick. Just a fan of his.

I just love his work. And then i name an enemy of mine yeah stop fucking shane gillis you're a fucking known enemy everybody knows you guys fucking hate each other yeah that's famous across new york yeah absolutely fuck yes dude yeah i. Yeah. I need to come and see you, dude. Dude, yeah, come on. Yeah, absolutely. And you also linked up with some dudes on some podcast shit.

Some Philly dudes. Yeah, yeah. You're talking about like Stuff Island and stuff? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, they're all my friends. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, they're your friends. Why'd you become friends with so many dudes from Philly?

That's just the crowd that came up. Yeah? Yeah, most comics in New York for the longest time are like from Philly. There's just, that's just the crowd that came up. Yeah. Yeah, most comics in New York for the longest time are like from all over. And there's very few comics that would be like me. You know, like there's

a working class background. I don't know if you say that over here, but you know. You know, of course. There's a couple of like New Jersey scumbags and stuff that I was friends with, but then like they tend to just stay doing their construction job.

Whereas the people that survive in New York are like Harvard fucking writers and their daddy's paying their fucking rent. You're talking about Francis? I'm talking about Francis. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Blood Diamond, Francis Ellis. Not the fucking rough

and tumble filly dudes who are fucking steam feeders. Yeah, so they're all the type of people that I've always been friends with, but they never quite made it in New York. And then Shane came along and then he was able to shine a light

on all those kids. And I say kids, like they're all in their 30s or 40s. Yeah. But like, that's great for them. You know,

a lot of the same all over the country. There's like funny people everywhere. They just, you need an opportunity to get that light shined on you. And then Shane was able to do that. Like he was able to show them all.

So I'm of, I get on with all those guys. Tommy Pope, Chris O'Connor. Yeah. Mike Rainey, Tim Butterly. Yeah. All the kids over there. Yeah. They're all buddies.

Are you garbage? They all came up from like helium and shit like that. Fucking. Yeah. Yeah. Just grinding in Philly. That's sweet though. It's sweet that they're all fucking crushing it now.

And sometimes you just need like the networking of a podcast, like a, like a, like a couple of podcasts you could just kind of throw together and just like, you're on my show, I'm on your show. Fucking build up a,

like people know each other from that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then like 10 years. It's better than sitting and fucking typing jokes in public. Yeah. But 10,

10 years ago, like, you know, they wouldn't have had the podcast and stuff so they wouldn't have had like you can't just make people popular

you know what I mean so now because they have the podcast people can actually reach out and then Shane's been doing a very good job of like fucking building them up

and stuff like that too you know putting on for the bros yeah just bringing them up you know gotta put on for the bros yeah yeah yeah nah fuck that

I'm out for myself I'm never I'm never shining a light on no the bros yeah yeah yeah nah fuck that I'm out for myself I'm never I'm never shining a light on no one fuck that yeah where's the Irish bros at there is an Irish

friend of mine's coming over an Irish guy and I'm not we're not necessarily a fucking mob dude yeah you better

it'd be intimidating yeah just the Irish fucking mob or is he gonna sit sit on your couch for like six or seven nights and you're gonna kick him out I did tell him

he could stay on my couch for a while if he wants. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. What's a while going to be for you, though? A few days. Yeah, exactly. I'm not fucking St. Vincent Paul.

Yeah, he's got to cut his teeth, dude. He's got to get out to Brownsville. I'm not going to send him out to East New York yet. Yeah, get him right. I'm going to get him into Rikers Island. It's a nice little upcoming area. Yeah. A lot of yuppies out in Rikers Island it's a nice little upcoming area yeah a lot of yuppies

out in Rikers Island you'll love it absolutely yeah but he's coming over and then I'm gonna let him use my studio for the podcast and everything

we're gonna fucking start a little fucking little crew little fucking crew I'm Whitey Bulger dude we're fucking hell yeah

absolutely starting this shit that'd be fire yeah that'd be awesome love it alright we good? how long are we at? hour eight fire yeah that'd be awesome love it all right um we good how long how long do you hour eight oh yeah that's cool fuck yeah all right man do you want to plug your shit again

just follow me on social media at column two oh and if you get a chance go to my youtube channel please uh youtube slash column turtle i post a lot of shit there and i'm trying to build a good subscriber base awesome so thank you so much. Thanks for joining us. Appreciate you, brother. Wow. Good shit, though. That was awesome, dude. Thank you, bro.

It was a lot of fun. Thanks. Appreciate you, my dog. Yeah.