Son of a Boy Dad - Son of a Boy Dad: Ep. 64 - Bitches

Episode Date: June 7, 2022

Son of a Boy Dad: Ep. 64 - Bitches -- Sas recaps a weekend of shows in DC, Rone recaps a wild bachelor party; they discuss gas pains, Seinfeld, the NBA finals, inventions, impressions, a mental health check-in, future plans for the pod, & much more! Enjoy -- Full episodes also available on YouTube -- New merch available in the Barstool store -- Thank you #BoyDadYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, Son of a Boy Dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Yeah. What is up, everybody? Welcome back to Son of a Boy Dad Podcast. Today, it is Monday. It is June 6th.

Yes. at podcast today it is monday it is june 6th yes and we are in the studio take it away roan we're in this fucking studio and we're bitches all four of us dudes i'm talking about owen i'm talking about tyler i'm talking about you and most of all i'm talking about you. And most of all, I'm talking about me. What did you do? I'm just a little bitch. Oh, okay. I'm not, but thank you for throwing me in on that. Yeah, you are. How are you not a little bitch? I'm a manly man. State your case. I'm a manly man. I had a dream about Sydney Sweeney last night. Does that sound like a bitch thing to do? It sounds like you're probably arguing. That's the manliest thing you can do. You're probably like subbing her for her outfits. But you do,

but it wasn't a sex dream you said. It wasn't. So that's not that manly. It was a romance dream. You had platonic friendship with a woman. It was like a rom-com. I don't think Bill Zarian really dreamed of rom-coms. Well, I woke up before the sex started because I was scared. Yeah. I mean, I forced myself

awake. That sounds daunting. Because I was so intimidated in my dream. That you wouldn't perform well? She was grabbing on my belly fat. She's like, what? What is this? Explain yourself. You're too young.

Now my health journey began today. I just got a Caesar salad wrap. It was a wrap though. Why would you just get a salad? Why do you need the carbohydrates? Energy. Fuel. The fucking protein will give you fuel.

No, it won't. There is carbohydrates in the dressing, I bet. Not a lot. Enough, dude. I think it's overstated how much we need carbohydrates. I haven't had one in fucking about 15 minutes. You're a liar. I've had fucking several carbohydrates since 15 minutes ago.

You're right. What's good though, bro? Good to see you, my friend. Yeah. It's a good weekend. Get some good shows. Arlington. I'll be in Brooklyn on the 18th.

Everyone's like, oh, finally, it's going to stop promoting. I don't know. I'm just getting warmed up. Oh, yeah. You've just started. This show is only a device to promote your shows. No, but I'll be in Brooklyn on June 18th at the Bell House. It's going to be fun. One show, one night.

You're not built to crack jokes in Brooklyn. No, not at all. All your jokes are about like Wall Street and making fucking cash. No, they're not. Yeah, they are. None of them are like that. You don't have any jokes that the people in brooklyn will relate to what's some what are some ways you're going to change your uh stand-up for brooklyn um i don't know i mean big pants maybe big pants yeah i don't know what i'm going to do different. Big pants, small shirt. I mean, they went very well. So that's all I can say.

I think that you dress, it was alarming to see how you dressed on stage. I know. I wore shorts and a sweatshirt. Yeah. I feel like that's inappropriate. It was hot out and I wasn't wearing a t-shirt on stage. But I feel like that's inappropriate. You should get some comedy clothes that you can wear on stage.

Like a suit? Yeah. John Mulaney? Or like a fucking leather jacket or some shit like that. Maybe I will. A leather jacket and slick back your hair. I think that shit would be fire. That would be awesome.

I wish they, uh, I wish I got it recorded because I'm not going to post like my full set, but there was like some jokes that I did just about like DC that I, uh, probably, I mean, I could do them and I could tie it in like,

Oh, I was in DC and just use the same thing. But I would have liked to post those, but I didn't. Comedians wind up in a tough spot when they start doing that because like all their last like three weeks are accounted for. They're like, two weeks ago, I was doing this. Or like last week, I was here. I still say I was in Austin last week and I have been in Austin like three months.

That's fucking. Yeah. I mean. But no one knows. It doesn't matter. No, they probably know. They don't care. How did you sell out all the shows?

I don't know, dude. That shit doesn't make sense. I know they all sold out. Dude, the, so the late shows were selling super well. And I would get like weekly updates. The two late shows had sold out and there was like 30 tickets sold for the early show on Saturday. And then on Saturday, like 200 people bought tickets. That's fucking crazy. Yeah. It might as well. Yeah. I mean, what goes on in Arlington? Isn't

there like a big cemetery there or a lot of military personnel are down there, right? That's where the Pentagon is. Oh really? Yeah. You think any higher ups came in there? Uh, maybe there was some old people there. What do you think they're up to? I talked to like four old ass dudes. Yeah. They were all like in their fifties and they were awesome. Yeah.

Yeah. I talked to them after the show. What were they, how did they wind up there? What were they fans of? I don't know. They never directly said they were fans. They just wanted to shoot the shit.

Yeah. It was fun though. I talked to basically like everyone that went to the show. I went out and just like talk to everybody after. So maybe that's a good like way to sell your shows that like talk, go into a SAS show, uh, guarantees you about half an hour of conversation with him. Not quite, but I talked to a lot of people. It was fun. Yeah. Yeah. Any, uh, any babes in the crowd? No, it was a lot of dudes. Really? I mean, a lot of me and the fellas. Yeah. Yeah. The fellas were just chilling with you?

There were girls there, but it was dude heavy. Are you saying the girls weren't babes? No, I don't prefer to call them that. Yeah? Yeah. You don't see any of them as sexual objects? No, none of them. That's why you're the fucking goat, dude.

Yeah. But it was really fun. And I think everyone enjoyed it a lot. I think they all had a good time. People were asking me about your show all weekend. people were just coming up to me being like what's sassy show in arlington or like people like i came from arlington fucking fuck sass i'm not going to a show well they couldn't have gone anyway because it was sold out bitch yeah that's fucking sick dude you got to start paying for shit now that you're making so much stand-up money

yeah maybe i'm uh how about a round of toys for the boys? Yeah, maybe I want to, so I'm doing Philly in July and I want you to come for that. What kind of shit do you want to do? Some Abbott and Costello? Just like, uh, I think after at the end, I think if we just did like a bump mics type thing. Yeah. Just shoot the shit on stage. That would be dope. Is that why you called me from on stage it was that kind of thing like people uh no no i dude the the late shows were like barely i barely even did my material because people were just like talking the entire time did that piss you off i

feel like it must have been nice a little bit it was fun i had fun i hope it didn't piss anyone else off i mean it was a little much at times but then i'll kind of just like shut the fuck up and then they would um they probably didn shut the fuck up. And then they would, um, they'd probably didn't respect you because you were wearing shorts on stage. Yeah. Yeah. I, uh, but I had fun and it seemed like they were having a lot of fun. So it's also the more you put into like the try, are you the harder you try to look good, the less funny you are. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. It was a good time. I think I had no complaints.

If you try to wear some cool boy clothes. Oh no, I would never do that. Dude. I feel like Andrew Schultz is always wearing cool guy clothes, but somehow he's funny despite that. Yeah. He's a cool guy, which I think is probably the hardest for a hot dudes to try and be funny.

Uh, because by people automatically assume that they're not just cause they're hot. They'll like value their jokes. Definitely. So hot, hot dudes have to be 10 times funnier just to be funny. Yeah. Ugly guys like, Oh, that's standard for you to be funny. Yeah. Yeah. We expect your to be jokes. Definitely. So hot dudes have to be 10 times funnier just to be funny. Ugly guys, like, oh, that's standard for you to be funny.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We expect your badass to be funny. You have to be funny. You literally have to just to get any type of advantage. Yeah. But a hot ass dude who winds up being funny, they deserve the fucking pussy they're drowning in. Poor guys. You got the nicest this weekend.

Yeah. Are you going to come to it? When is it? Saturday night Saturday night Yes I can't No it's Saturday afternoon Uh then maybe yes Yeah I feel like you've been coming up with every excuse possible I have my sister's graduation Just come back though for

No but it's not till Sunday so maybe I'll just go Saturday night Yeah just go Saturday night How are you going to get back drive No it's in I have to go to Evanston. Oh, it's in Chicago. Yeah. Oh, that sucks. Yeah.

Dude, have you seen all these flights getting canceled? Why are all the flights getting canceled? I don't know. It's been going on for a while. Apparently, they're all like super understaffed. Is it because people are quitting their jobs? Is it because of COVID? Or is it because it sucks to be a pilot?

People are quitting their jobs. I think the pilots are striking. And I think like the whole airport staff is like all quitting. Is it because they made them get vaccines or something? No, I really don't know much about it, but it's like I've had every single flight I've taken in the last like two months has been delayed or canceled. I've had two flights canceled. My algorithm thinks I want to see people complaining about it on Twitter.

Oh, really? I haven't seen anything on Twitter. Oh my God, dude. Every single day is just people complaining their dicks off about the flights getting canceled. Yeah. I genuinely don't know what it is. I heard that there was a, that they were understaffed. Air travel is about to die, dude. No one's going to be able to fly anymore. Yeah. I hope not. That'd suck. We're just driving everywhere. That'd be sweet. Just hopping in the RV. I do. The train is just brutal. Yeah. There has to be

faster ways to get places. Tra trains just it's the same speed as a car it's take it takes four hours to drive from dc to new york takes three hours and like 40 minutes to take the train just getting passed yeah yeah on through my cars on the train yeah and it's not even that pretty no and i was like dead on uh well yesterday i took the train back and then on friday morning when i went it was after we went out on thursday and i drank like way too much dude uh i got uh before you before owen saw joe rogan i got i got kicked out of another bar right yeah i got kicked out of a bar for ordering too slow yeah yeah yeah that's what. That's what they, that's what, uh, Obes told me. Uh, like it was actually Obes ordered too slow. Yeah. He ordered, uh, one, one drink at a time. And, and after every drink that he, he ordered, he would just add another

one on cause they were different. And then the dude just kicked you guys out. Yeah. That's crazy. And then we got kicked out of the first bar cause Obes was vaping. I know. And the guy came up and said, that's illegal. And then they removed, they just like, it was like the most like easygoing getting kicked out of somewhere I've ever seen. Like they just walked him to the door,

said he has to go. And then he was like, can I finish my drink? And they were like, sure. And then he just like went back over and hung out with us

until he finished his drink. And then like, all right, you have to leave. I don't know why they would do that. It was like, no one even there.

Why do people, why do they want to kick people out of bars like that? I don't know. Dude, I was there. Why? I couldn't call couldn't call white but white that was the same book all those white people came up to you and started calling you white oh i don't remember that oh no

i do remember that those people that were sitting at the table dude i we came to meet up with you guys because we were right after meeting all those firefighters in Rockaway, the one who passed away. But on the drive out there, they picked us up in a wrapped firefighter SUV, and so there was no fucking rules. And the dude was just driving on the shoulder the whole way out. Oh, really?

It was crazy traffic. He wasn't even concerned. He was just driving on the shoulder, flying, telling stories. That's hilarious. He was like, you see this rest stop right here? Like that's where dudes like would go and like get sucked off. And then he started telling a story about this dude from Rockaway who had like, he was like this macho, like six year old.

He might've been a firefighter or something. And he had like five kids and he's just like the man. And he was like driving down that, uh, that like down that, uh, highway or whatever on the way out to Rockaway. And he started feeling like a pain in his chest. And he was like driving past that, uh, that, that same pull off. And he's like, dude, if I, if I pull over here and I die here, they're going to think I was a cocksucker. And so he kept driving home as he had the heart attack.

He had an actual heart attack? Yeah. And he just fought through the heart attack because he didn't want people to think he was gay by pulling off at the gay spot. He just muscled through. He got home and his wife was like, what are you doing? That's crazy. She just got back in the car and drove into the hospital. Dude, some people are just like, my grandpa's had multiple strokes and he'll just sleep it off.

It's crazy. The other guy always go to the hospital in the morning I don't I think with a stroke you're supposed to like go to it right away yeah he had a stroke and they just like he's chilled yeah isn't it weird like I always thought that heart attacks and strokes were just like it was a wrap

but the fact that you can have like small strokes and small heart attacks yeah you get a small stroke I don't know dude heart attacks are way I think that would be way scarier. But what is it even? There's a blockage in your heart. I've had like chest, like weird chest pains, like side pains,

but then I'll hear that that's just like your diaphragm like tucking under. Like you can like breathe your way out of some of that. It's like literally a muscular pain that people confuse chest pain. I've had shit on this side bad, but it's always gas no but you just need to be burped yeah dude it gets bad to the point that like i can't breathe because it's so sharp like when i'm breathing and it feels like someone's just like sticking a

needle in my in my side dude gas i mean gas is bad dude babies have gas Gas can fuck you up dude Or like gas and boogers Fuck up babies badly Yeah There's some shit A dude I know His He has a young baby And there's like a thing

When they start getting snotty That you put like a tube Into their nose Yeah yeah The thing that you squish And it's like a suction cup But this one is like It's like a siphon

Like for when you siphon gas And you go like Like give it a little suck And like the snot Like starts coming out And he like Blew out his back S like the snot like starts coming out and he like blew out his back, sucking the snot out of his baby's nose.

He sucked too hard. That feels way worse. Why wouldn't they just use the, I remember when my little sisters were like really young and we had the, it's like a little, it's like a little like half a tennis ball with a tube and you just like squeeze it. I think this is maybe a,

you can get better suction if you like suck it yourself. Yeah. That sounds way worse though. I know. Cause what happens if it starts like flowing like gas, like you just get fucking a fire with your baby snot. Yeah. That's disgusting.

That shit seems fucking terrible. But that and having just being a little gassy. Yeah. Gas is that. That's why you gotta, you gotta gas the babies, right? You put them on your back and you like bicycle pedal them. Yeah. Like pop, pop your back.

Well, I think that's for burps. I don't, but it's the same thing. Same type of gas. Yeah. Yeah. People don't do that for us. I had to do that. I have, dude, I think that's for burps. I don't, but it's the same thing. Same type of gas. Yeah. Yeah. People don't do that for us. I had to do that. I have, dude, I have really bad like gas problems.

I had to do that at the gym. I had to go to the gym and lay on my back and just bicycle pedal. And I was just farting everywhere. Imagine if you saw someone doing that. I had to. Well, it looks like you're doing like a core workout when you do it. But you're farting. Yeah.

No one knows. Did you have AirPods in? Yeah.. But you're farting. Yeah. No one knows. Did you have AirPods in? Yeah. Yeah. So maybe everyone knew. Yeah. No one knew. It actually didn't even help that much.

That was when I was going to go to the hospital. I just thought my appendix was bursting. Oh, yeah. No, I just had to fart my dick off. Dude, it lasted. I had this like crazy stomachache and it lasted for like three days. Remember that? That was the time that I was laying down in the green room.

You just had some bad chipotle i don't know what it was dude it was just like gas was like trapped in my chest and my stomach that's it's crazy to think that there's just a big ass bubble inside and it hurts that you can't get out yeah and you feel like i guess rub your belly or some shit dude i'm trying to get my my gas out dude yeah you're supposed to rub it i think clockwise or maybe counterclockwise no clockwise that wasn't like getting your stomach and it gets your yeah it does it gets it moved around i can't imagine being a woman just holding in every fart that you ever have no i could never i don't know how they do it dude i'm pretty uh lenient like i got to a point where i was just like yeah like

this isn't i'd rather fart and have it smell bad than like have like a terrible stomach ache i think that's our male privilege though yeah because if i if i don't if i hold them in i get like all sorts of different gas pains yeah i used to get this one where i just feel like there was like a rock in my stomach and i wouldn't be able to stand up straight so i just be like walking around school like holding my stomach and then i would have to go home and lay on my left side that definitely looked funny as fuck it hurt that's like what cartoon characters do when they're sick like i don't feel so good fucking killed yeah i bet you need someone to burp you yeah we got to get one of these

interns to just be burping you at all times that'd be awesome if i could get a burping intern yeah or someone to suck your burps out. Someone just puts like a trick down your fucking, a big ass like beer bong down your stomach and just sucks the burps out. There's probably people that would do that. I mean, when people are going to see you do standup comedy, they probably suck my farts. Suck your farts out through your mouth.

Probably. That's hot as fuck. Should we do an advertisement? Sure. What is that? Better help. Oh yeah. It's not time.

Does your brain need the fart sucked out of it? You ever feel like you got a gassy self-esteem? Now, a word from our sponsor, BetterHelp. Life can be overwhelming and many people are burned out without even knowing it.

Symptoms can include lack of motivation, irritability, fatigue, and more. Does that sound like anyone you know? Yeah, you. I'm not irritable. Yeah, you are. I'm pleasant. You're irritable and you're unmotivated. That's not true i'm

super motivated i've never complained of fatigue dude i could just power through shit and you know why because i'm on better help i used to be all those things but then better help fucking unclogged my brain and now i'm fucking living we associate burnout with work but that's not the only cause any of our roles in life can lead to us feeling burned out. So maybe it's really hard for you to be a great roommate to your roommates and it's an exhausting characteristic of your life. Well, BetterHelp Online Therapy wants to remind you to prioritize yourself. Talking with someone can help you figure out what's causing stress in your life. Talk about your personal... And I love better help, dude. I often

get better help myself. It's an app that you can have on your phone. They'll set you up with a therapist. You can do it face to face, video, phone, and even live chat sessions with their therapist. You don't have to see anyone on camera if you don't want to. That's right. Or you don't want them to see your ugly ass. That's how I felt. It's much more affordable than in-person therapy and you can be matched with a therapist under 48 hours. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash son. That is betterhelp.com slash son. What do you prefer to do when you have a therapist? Do you want a male or a woman? I've never had a male therapist. Yeah, it's always better if it's a woman

just in case there's a physical exam or in case you have to like fight them yeah in case therapy ever starts going the wrong way in case it's physical who gives therapy to the therapist though straight up themselves you think so

they just jack off they just pleasure themselves how could you even do that? They must go talk to their own therapist. Must be a really, really hard job. Being a therapist? Yeah. Isn't that like what Sixth Sense is about?

Yeah. Being like a family therapist. Well, he's a therapist, right? And then he gets killed by one of his- I feel like it's way easier to be like a therapist for children. Because it's like like being a therapist for adult like them just like dumping on you like just being like these are like being able to organize your thoughts and complaints more intense problems yeah like children a child's problem they

don't even know that it's a problem what their problem is like they have a problem exactly but for an adult especially in new york, just dumping their fucking problems out. So yeah, did you see that new movie coming out, Joe List, Louis C.K.? No, they're in a movie together? They made it together. You haven't seen the trailer? No, what is it? Oh, it looks super good. Is it about a comedian who gets canceled?

No, it's about Joe List plays like a guy who's like sober for three years and he has to like go home and confront his family about about all the fucked up issues that he has caused by his parents. And Louis C.K. plays a therapist. The trailer just came out two days ago. I think we're going to go do the premiere at the Beacon. Whenever I see Joe List, I think that's what a leading man should look like. Yeah. That dude has the look of a movie star,

dude. He's just... He fits very well for the part. Him and Louis C.K. wrote it together. Perfect jawline, perfect look, just perfect voice. Sounds like Troy McClure. He's one of my favorite comedians. He's a man's man. Yeah. He's everything it means to be a man.

Yeah, he is. No, he's from, he's a Boston guy, right? Yeah, I think so. Or Noah. Is he? Yeah, I think he is. I think he was one for when Boston dudes were goats. He's very, very funny. Boston was goaded. Speaking of Boston. It's kind of Philly now. Yeah, Philly he is. I think he was for when Boston dudes were goats. He's very, very funny.

Boston was goaded. Speaking of Boston. It's kind of Philly now. Yeah, Philly's goaded now. But what happened to the C's last night, bro? Oh, yeah, I know, right? That's Tyler. I don't fucking know.

They lost by a lot. I know that. Why'd they lose by so much? I don't know. I didn't watch. I watched Dave's rant. Me, you, Dave, and Hank. Courtside.

Yeah, yeah. What do you say? Best watched Dave's rant. Me, you, Dave, and Hank. Courtside. Yeah. What do you say? On the wood. Best way to see the city. See you Wednesday. On the wood. Imagine if we were there, courtside, and Dave just saw us there. He was in the third row. He couldn't get tickets on the wood. He would learn your name.

He would lose his shit. Being able to text him saying, like, come down and say hi. Why don't you come down and say hi? Pop on down, bro. We could probably get you in. Can you guys even see back there in the nosebleeds? We could pass you back our wristbands if you want. Yeah.

Slip out of our wristbands. Should we go? Yeah. It's a Wednesday? Let's go to Golden State. I ain't got shit on Wednesday. Let's go to game five on Golden State. No, I want to go to Boston, bro.

I want to go to Cali, bro. I don't. Be with my tech bros, I want to go to Boston, bro I want to go to Cali, bro I don't Be with my tech bros I want to be in Boston, my home Yeah, where the funny guys used to be I'm kind of a Boston legend Are you? I think you're more of a Philly guy to me

I know, I am You are a Philly guy I'm really excited for the Philly shows I think those are going to be I think that's going to be the best one Best fucking crowd in comedy, man. Yeah. Those people get it. Good. Salt to the earth. Working class. Blue collar.

Bucolic folk. Lunch palers. Ham and Eggers. Bring their fucking dog to work day type shit. I think Philly and Boston are going to be very, very fun. I don't know about Boston. Well, Boston's awesome. Boston's a great town for comedy. How come there's not tall buildings, though?

In Boston? Yeah. They got some tall buildings. Barely. Yeah, more than Philly. No. Yep. What?

It's a small city. Philly's got two tall... Yeah, exactly. It's a little rinky-dink, podunk, tiny town. No, it's not, dude. Have you ever even been to Boston? Yes, dude. I went to Boston with you once, and you just clearly are not a Boston guy.

Why? I wasn't eating beans. Cause you got like, what did you get when we all got, or no, that was KP. We all went to a seafood place and KP got tacos. Yeah.

Three mini tacos. I got the most, I got like seafood. I fucking love seafood. That place is really good. You should go back there. I'd love to get some seafood with the boys. I'd love to go out to dinner with the boys to get a nice cut of bass or some

shit like that. I think we asked you to go out to dinner recently and you were like, nah, you definitely didn't. I think we did you to go out to dinner recently and you were like, nah, you definitely didn't think we did. I didn't think you made that up. No, I've been dying to go after we recorded on a last month. You can't ask me last second, dude. Oh, sorry. I'm a family man.

It's true. You are. I got to look out for my kin. My next of kin. Yeah, that's true. You got people to report to. That's not this guy yeah me and myself just you in the fucking city that's why you weren't on your phone the whole

time in arlington because you were just wandering around dude i did knock it out i didn't leave i didn't leave my bed one time until 5 p.m on uh saturday and we know what you were doing in there i was watching seinfeld the whole day i guess? You beat off the Seinfeld? Dude, Seinfeld. Yeah, I guess Atlanta Dance is pretty good. Dude, Seinfeld is on Comedy Central. I woke up because I forgot to turn my TV off. I woke up and it was already on and there was not one show in between. They just have it on the entire day on the same channel. God damn.

Yeah. It's funny though. It's a good ass show. Why do they do that with programming though? They just want to keep this. I guess it's the best way to just keep an audience yeah i mean it's kind of annoying but also because it got to the point where i was like the later episodes that aren't as funny as like larry david left ah and i was like well where are the good ones like put put back on the

good ones don't be playing the season seven shit yeah that's some fucking bullshit bro give me that raw shit yeah give me season four season four is is when every, every show gets the best. And it sucks too. Cause Kramer is so fucking funny. He's the funniest person on the show. On the last day of this bachelor party, we were all sitting around and, uh,

and Seinfeld came on and like dudes break down Seinfeld. Like it's like fucking, there's a pruder film. They're like, you could tell in these early seasons that they were doing more straight line delivery as opposed to delivering it in a jokey fashion or whatever. People get really deep with their analysis of Seinfeld. Does Jerry Seinfeld stop doing stand-up at the end of the show?

What do you mean? In the beginnings of the episodes? Yeah. I'm not sure. Because later in the day, when it got to the later episodes, there was no stand-up stuff involved at all. But in the early episodes, he like he's like at the comedy club was he living in New York at that time?

how much did it parallel his actual life? I can't imagine that much I love how he just wrote the main character and it was him and he just fucks a lot yeah he does fuck a lot he has a new girlfriend every episode he has a new smoking hot girlfriend every single episode.

Yeah. It's just supposed to be a show about nothing. No, it's a show about how you're the fucking man. Yeah. How you're just wheeling out a new like 16 and a half year old every day for whoever Seinfeld was banging. And he had like a- He had a 17 year old girlfriend, I think.

Yeah. Times were different back then. Comedy goat, dude. In 2006. Tutankhamen was king when he was like four years old, bro. What? King Tut. How old was he when he was king four years old bro what King Tut how old was he when he was king wasn't he like a child king like six years old I have no idea I'm not a big

knowledge person I don't know a lot of things and what the king can fuck yeah the king I mean the king was obviously fucking you don't become king until you fuck you think he was a verge king now maybe he was maybe I mean there's probably a certain amount of kings who took the throne as verges.

Or they could just fuck. I guess kings just kind of fuck at their own will. Did you see the fucking queen of England having these jubilee parties? It's like the headline of American news. Like, the queen, who's 94 years old, is celebrating her 70th jubilee and there's people, like, dancing in the streets

for this old-ass lady. Was that the one that Prince Andrew said he had COVID? Did he? Was it this past weekend? Yeah, I think. Probably because the whole country turns into a fuck fest. Is Prince Andrew the Epstein one? Oh, I don't know. The sweaty nonce? Yeah, is that him? Is that Prince Andrew?

They love to call him a sweaty nonce. Whatever. Whatever prince it was, he like lied and said he had COVID because he didn't want to go. Really? Because he's banned from the family. He fucks kids. Yeah, we know why you're not going. It's because you have a kid wrapped around your dick. You weirdo.

You fucking weirdo. Yeah. The sweaty thing was so funny. I can't sweat. She described him as sweaty and he was like, I actually can't produce sweat. My glands are actually were sewn shut. Yeah. Yeah, that is a preposterous thing. Is that even possible

to not be able to produce sweat? Where does it go? No. He's a liar. I know you can get like He's a lying pedophile. Yeah, it's true. But having a word like nonce for pedophile, the fact that British people have pedo and nonce. Yeah. Like we don't have fucking words like that. I guess perv. What's like a slick thing to call a pedophile. The fact that British people have pedo and nonce. Yeah. Like we don't have fucking words like that. I guess perv. What's like a

slick thing to call a pedophile? A diddler. Yeah. A diddler. A perv. Yeah. I guess those are pretty good words. A boss. A savage. An absolute savage. Knows what he wants and gets it. What was the,

what was the, there's some shit that happened today too, with like Elon Musk asking them to put up a list. He was trying to get someone to leak the list of all the celebrities that were like involved with Epstein. Wow. He's probably trying to get the heat off himself. He has his own shit on a plane to worry about. Yeah.

What's going on? He's like not even buying the, he's not even buying Twitter anymore either or something. He's like telling people he's going to pull his offer. Really? Yeah. Probably because it's a stupid fucking investment. Yeah, it's a horrible... I don't think you... Does Twitter even make money? I think somehow they do. I think that they... But

they made like $41 billion in revenue and he's buying it for like $44 billion. Or maybe no. Maybe it was $4 billion because you're supposed to buy it at 10x of the revenues, the value or some shit. You should know this, dude. You're buying companies. I don't buy companies. We should get into venture capital. We should fucking buy it.

With all this money you're making from stand-up, we should have people come in like Shark Tank and pitch their little businesses. That'd be awesome. People coming in being like, I make socks. I make pillowcases or some shit. I saw one of the... I got a worm farm. I saw a shark tank one recently.

The, the one that's like the half of a bat is like a mug for beer. Half of a bat? Baseball bat. And what's the other half? You play baseball? Just like toss the other half. In case you ever get thirsty while you're in the bottom of the sixth inning.

It was really like, it's a baseball bat. It wasn't that good of an idea. And then I saw them, like, people were commenting there, like, damn, Shark Tank investment didn't go well, huh? Really? And then they're applying, like, 715th best growing business in the country. To read it and weep, pussy.

Yeah. I don't really think you can have a business where you only, eh. Half the businesses on Shark Tank are like, we have, like, a new, like, keto, like, Slurpee or some shit like that. Shark Tank are like we have like a new like keto like slurpy or some shit like that Shark Tank's a great show yeah it's a great super entertaining it's like the top mindless show to like if you're if it's just like

10-15 and you're just like about to scroll some channels yeah you throw on Shark Tank on CNBC and just forget yeah it's good but they sometimes they bring on new people like as guests though and they suck yeah because they don't know how to be sharks no they try to get a little they just like people to know they're rich yeah like alex rodriguez or some shit it's like dude you don't know how to be a venture capitalist now only one on there who knows how to ask questions is cuban the voice

so you ever watch the voice no what's that oh that show oh the singing show? Fuck, yeah. I think I watched it. Oh, that's where they smack the shit and turn around? Yeah. That shit is fire. I love that show. How haven't we ran out of singers, though? There's unlimited singers. There's unlimited singing competitions, too. There's unlimited entrepreneurs, too.

Yeah. People do have fucking businesses every day. That's why we should get into the VC. We should get into venture capital. Would you call yourself an entrepreneur? I'm more of a venture capitalist. I pay for entrepreneurs to fucking get their shit off the ground.

Do you have anything you want to pitch? I got some good ideas, bro. I got a couple good ideas that I'm not really looking to make public. Like what? I don't want anyone to steal them. Is it about a show or is it a product? Oh, products. Yeah. One of them's an app and one of them's a product.

What's the app? I can't tell you. It's too good. You're never going to get it made. I know, but imagine if someone else made it and they made like billions of dollars off of my idea. Even having an idea for an app is like a 2013 ass thing to do. I came up with it probably in 2013. I know. That's when everyone was coming up

with apps. I probably came up with it. I think I came up with it my junior year of high school. No, apps aren't even getting made anymore. That's when everyone was coming up with apps. I think I came up with it my junior year of high school. No, apps aren't even getting made anymore. That's not true. There's no more new apps. Wrong. What's a new app? I actually saw something. If you order Applebee's or something. You're thinking of appetizers, dude. That's a different thing, dude.

Oh, never mind. That's just a completely different thing. But apparently, if you go to Applebee's and you spend over like, or if you just go to Applebee's, there's some weird thing if you go to Applebee's and you spend over like or if you just go to Applebee's there's some weird thing if you go to Applebee's and you spend like 10 bucks or something they give you a free ticket to Top Gun what? maybe it's if you go and you order with the app

they give you a free ticket to Top Gun that's stupid as fuck I don't know what they're trying to I would go to Applebee's go to Applebee's and go to Top Gun are you going to Top Gun? I'm trying to see you in IMAX I don't know if I can go tonight unlessbee's. Yeah, we should just go to Applebee's. Yeah, we should just go to Applebee's and go to Top Gun after. Yeah. Are you going to Top Gun? I'm trying to see you in an IMAX. I don't know if I can go tonight unless we went like after this.

I have a show at the stand. Tonight? Yeah. You fucking workhorse, bro. Yeah, I actually don't really want to do it at all. Yeah, but that's the paradox of being a performer. You just have to kind of push yourself to get up on stage. Set and then leave. You love the applause kind of push yourself to get up on stage.

You love the applause, but you hate the fucking work that goes into it, dude. No, I like going. I'm just tired. Yesterday was really long. It's a lot, but yeah. You were saying you think people deserve to hear you every day. Yeah. You feel bad if you're not.

If you're not being heard. Yesterday was a rough day for me. Just at war with my mind. Yeah. I had the worst Sunday scaries like I've ever had. My, I was just like having a panic attack the entire time I was on the train. And then I got home and I was like, I thought it was going to get better. It got way worse.

Would you get it? Standing? You get some bad snatch this weekend? No, dude, I drank too much. So why do you feel anxious about drinking too much that's not why i feel anxious like if you drink too much being hung over it's it's a thing where you get anxious after i don't know cause it can raise your anxiety levels if you want to go toe-to-toe bro if you want to count our fucking brews this weekend i probably had i drank way more than you bitch ass what dude were you guys even drinking you guys are drinking no duels because half of

those guys can't even drink anymore. So what if they've been through fucking Alcoholics Anonymous several times each, dude? They come out the other side as better drinkers. It's like going into the fucking prison and learning how to fucking be a better criminal. People going to...

Six years sober, throwing it away for their buddy's bachelor party. Dude, I know a lot of people... Allowing myself a cocktail from time to time. And then they completely fall off the wagon. I know people who have gone into NA that just wind up like being like way better drug addicts. Oh yeah. They go into narcotics and all this. So that's when they sell drugs.

Yeah. Or like. Or they buy drugs. You meet the plug in there. Yeah. Wait, where are you getting it from? Yeah. Like I live right around the corner from there.

I was traveling 80 miles to get my shit. Yeah. It'd be funny if a bar had a fountain outside filled with coins, but they're all sobriety chips. Yeah. That'd be awesome. It is worth the good luck of flipping your sobriety chip in there. Dude.

Um, quitting drinking must be so much like, I mean, I'm sure they're all very difficult, but like that would like, it's such like a, like everyone's drinking all the time. I was talking to a buddy. Like no one, like you don't go, you don't walk down the street and people are like at like some bar outside just shooting heroin. Yeah. Or some places, but most places they're not doing that. Yeah.

Under some overpasses. Yeah. But, uh, I was with a buddy this weekend who had not, he hadn't drank for three years and now he does Ironman triathlons. I was like, what did you do today and he was like i did like uh i did like 80 miles of like training he did like a 57 mile bike ride like a 13 mile run and like a mile and a half swim or some shit or just a saturday for nobody with no one just alone like that's the amount that your body needs to be like shaken up and you can have that by just like drinking a little bit of a fucking beer or you can run for fucking 57 miles it's like

goggins dude i know and he said he stretches for 40 minutes a day that's a lot of people do that i think 40 minutes you should probably start doing that a lot of people do that i definitely that's a big thing for like athletes people stretch for like an hour a day. Yeah. Well, at least Goggins does. And Goggins, aren't his knees cooked? You wouldn't know anything about that. I unfollowed Goggins. I was tired of his bitch ass. What?

Why? Because, dude, he's not a real fucking troop, dude. Yes, he is. No, dude. That's so dumb, dude. Us real troops. What, did your buddies make you unfollow him? No, I was already unfollowing him.

Why did you unfollow him? I unfollowed him a while ago. I love Goggins. I loved Goggins. What changed? Same shit every day. It is a lot of the same stuff. There's no natural ebb and flow of his life.

If Goggins ever had a breakdown and got fat as fuck at the end of Dodgeball or whatever, that would be a more relatable Goggins to see him go through. But he's like Superman. He's like always positive, always working really hard. Always busting his ass. Yeah, that's his thing, dude, is he does things that suck every day. You got to embrace the suck. You got to embrace the suck so that the rest of the day is great.

Just doing actually terrible shit. Yeah. Just getting the shit beat out of you. Yeah. That's why I went to prison voluntarily. I can't believe you. I would never unfollow Goggins. I would unfollow you before I unfollow Goggins. Why? Because you just want to be close to the military?

You want to feel like you're some kind of badass? Like you're a badass just because you follow him on social media? Yeah. You think that that's your version of being a badass? I love him. It's like thinking about doing something good. It's like thinking about exercise and being like, ah, well, that was enough.

No. Like you think about being like mainly in the military. And then I go exercise. Do you actually? Yeah, what'd you have for lunch today? Fucking... A banana. Yeah.

What'd you have for breakfast? I had a banana and some nuts. That's all I've had to eat today. I don't need some dude fucking sprinting alongside a pickup truck to inspire me to fucking have a little ounce of healthiness. And then you're going to stop at fucking McDonald's and get the air fish and sea or whatever it's called. 10,000 calories in one meal. It's just a massive stack.

Some person gave me a fuck ton of these. Look at these. Free McDonald's cards? No, free Chick-fil-A cards. What the fuck? Let me see those. Every single one of them is a free Chick-fil-A meal. It's fucking sick.

I mean, you can have, I'm not going to use them. I don't free chick-fil-a meal it's fucking sick i mean you can have i'm not going to use them i don't eat chick-fil-a why because i'm not homophobic i i wait until june to start eating chick-fil-a i see everybody not eating chick-fil-a i'm like i'll pick up the slack boys i was actually going to give them to brandon yeah he probably would love it yeah he would well he's not going to be in for two weeks and that's half the month of june and so i really need to pick up the number. I need to put numbers on the board for everybody who's boycotting Chick-fil-A. It's actually probably for the best that I don't have

those. Yeah. Because you're a fucking fat ass. Mm-hmm. I'm off the Chick-fil-A. I was never on the Chick-fil-A, but Why? I've just never loved it. I feel the same way about Subway, Chipotle, but Chick-fil-A, I feel like Subway's bad. Yeah like Subway, Chipotle, but Chick-fil-A. Subway's bad.

Yeah. Subway's subjectively bad. But it's also no longer. There's one good sandwich. If you get the Italian meats. Oh, yeah, yeah. The Italian BMT. Yeah, yeah.

Or spicy Italian. Yeah. But those are the only, it has to be heavily processed meat. Yeah. It has to be the carcinogens. Those are the only things that taste good. It's got to be so bad for you. Yeah.

Subway's got to be be just as bad for you as McDonald's. Oh, yeah. I got the chicken sandwich there. It's like I don't even know what would be in the chicken that would make it taste like. It's so climbing. It's too uniform. All the cubes and

strips are the same size. They're all rhombuses. Your chicken shouldn't be sharp angles on it. But it's like... It's a perfect cube. If you try to grab it, it'd be like holding a fish, though. It would slip out of your hand. There's no way you can even touch their fucking...

What else has that... Have you ever had Nando's, the chicken place? No. I guess it's more of a European thing. Nando's? You gotta get over to Europe, bro. You'll fucking love it, dude. I was thinking about going.

To Europe? Yeah, like this summer. On some personal shit? Yeah. You should. I might just go for a couple of days. Where'd you go? I'm fucking filthy rich.

Where'd you go? Italy, for sure. Yeah? That's where you're going, right? I mean, I'm going. Not just Italy, brother. Yeah, no. Italy or Switzerland. Yeah, I really want to go to the Alps so badly, dude. right i mean i'm gonna but i've been not just italy brother yeah no italy or switzerland yeah

i really want to go to the alps so badly dude i think the alps are beautiful yeah i've seen them before but uh and oh yeah in your high school field trip everybody went yeah well not everybody just the exclusive it is an exclusive group only the people who could afford it the poor kids are just at home Doing their same lesson plans And you guys are gallivanting around Europe Getting shit faced And it's way worse at his high school Because it was one poor kid

It was an exclusive group of top students We could throw in money to let you afford this too But we're just going to go ahead and go without you It was actually free Really? Yeah Because you guys pay so much in taxes It's easy to subsidize.

I wasn't free. Was growing up filthy rich. You guys don't know shit about my life. It's actually more depressing to be super rich. I've been in the dirt, bro. I've seen it all. Yeah. During that landscaping company you started as a kid funded by your father.

My dad. No, we didn't actually. It was zero money was gone into it because we would use the people's houses that we were going to. We would use their tools. That's actually genius. No money went into it. Damn. What about, did you have to pay for gas? Did you pay for the gasoline for the lawnmowers and edgers and everything?

No, no. God, no. We walked everywhere. I told you we'd walk. Don't talk about the gasoline to fill up the lawnmower. Oh, no. They would just have it at their houses. That was part of the deal. Damn. Yeah. That is all profit. Foolproof.

You just did the manual labor. Yeah. That's fucking dope. We'd be like, alright, we gotta finish up this job around 8am because we gotta walk 75 miles to the next house. Dude, I wish I could see you and your adolescent friends just walking

in the middle of the street. With their fucking tummy aches just holding their bellies the entire way. We were a good crew. I don't feel so good. I could probably pull up the reviews that people left us. You probably laid down in the freshly cut grass and let everybody else do the work because you had so much gas. Well, I did. I told you I was the best.

He has the gassiest boys in the group. I was the pimp. You probably the gassiest boys in the grave. I was the pimp. You probably had enough to just buy some Diet Cokes and fucking fart all day. No, I didn't drink Diet Cokes back then. That's a new thing that I do. It's so sweet, though. So I'm actually big on Diet Dr. Peppers right now.

That is it. Or have you ever had the Diet Orange Soda, Diet Sunkist? I never got into that kind of soda. Diet Root Beer? Poor soda. I got a... I tried a... Those are more poor.

I tried like a... The more colorful shit is, the more poor it is. If you have like a colorful debit card, that means that you're poor as fuck. Like when people pull out the whole fucking rainbow. Yeah, that's basically what my card looks like. Orange and green and purple. I still have like a local ass bank from Massachusetts.

It's like one little... It's like the whole bank is like the size of this place and there's like one dude running it. I'll go out with my friends and they have like silver, gold and black cards. He's got all the money just like in a drawer. Yeah. In a filing

cabinet with like just a single twist lock. I got the majority of their assets is what you made this weekend in Arlington. I got to get a new bank account really badly. Yeah. You couldn't even take it all out because they just don't have enough. No, just give us a minute. We can't pay.

No, we have it. And they just run out the back door. You just see the ship flapping. Yeah. Oh, it's in my car. Let me pull it up. Just hear him scurrying off. My bank can't even afford to pay me.

What happens if a bank just goes under? Do they just take all my money? That's where too big to fail comes in. They get the government to bail them out. That's why some banks are just like, they say that they're too big to fail. And so like now the taxpayer just has to pay for their shit. It's fucking crazy.

It's kind of dope though, to be a bank. It's like, damn, you might as well just be a bank. Cause like, even if you fail, no one gives a fuck.

Yeah. Well, I'm sure they probably have, there's probably some sort of punishment. Yeah. Not as many as you'd think. Yeah. Starting a bank or a church, I feel like is a sweet ass gift. Don't go under. Yeah.

Cause the Catholic church has just like more, they have more money than like the government does. And, and they don't pay any taxes no and people have to give them money every week dude the priests in my hometown were living they lived in like a fucking like they were pimping out they have mansions they drive mercedes they were ballers and they still pass around a fucking basket every week like an hour a week like they're poor yeah like they like panhandle for money like they're poor it's so weird like we're all throwing in like a dollar people are throwing in like coins like it's like they don't this It's so weird. Like we're all throwing in like a dollar. People are throwing in like coins. Like it's like

this money, they don't even, like they don't need this. People who don't have anything. They don't pay for anything. All of their food and everything is supplied for them. And they just shake people down. Yeah. Like it really is just a shakedown. Dude, have you ever been in church when like they do they're running, they just run straight up ads at the end. Yeah. Or they'll run

another collection basket and they'll be like and this collection basket is for me to be able to go to Vegas this weekend? I'm trying to fuck. Dude, it's weird. We were watching George Carlin. Remember he had a good bit that the all-knowing and all-powerful God

just hasn't found out money yet. That's the one thing he can't figure out. Yeah. That poor guy, dude. Yeah. Let's talk about credit karma. I'd love to. Are you earning credit card rewards?

Credit karma. See, this ties in because we were just talking about credit and debit cards. With credit karma, you're eventually going to get a fucking sweet colored credit card. That's either black, silver, or gold. A tasteful silver. A tasteful silver, or like a very deep blue that's not embarrassing to pull out. The gold will be gaudy though. Yeah. You want people to see you paying with that gold card just so they can feel a little

bit worse about themselves. Are you earning credit card rewards? Credit Karma can help you compare your rewards options so you can find a card that fits your lifestyle, helping you earn miles or cash back for spending your goal for spending that you're going to do anyway. Credit Karma uses your credit profile to show you offers that are tailored to your financial situation. with a wide range of card issuers so you can be sure that you are exploring all sorts of options. Best of all, Credit Karma uses your credit data to show you your chances of approval before you even apply. Helping you apply with more confidence.

Comparing cards on Credit Karma is 100% free and it won't affect your credit scores. Credit Karma. Create your own karma. That's fucking right, dude. Uh, uh, uh, uh. You thought we were done? No, we're not. We're just getting warmed up.

Ready to find the card for you? Head to credit. Head to credit karma and check out your personalized mix of offers today. Go to creditkarma.com or creditkarmaapp to find the card for you. That's creditkarma.com. Is this Obama?

And then you go on over to Credit Karma and create your own karma. That did sound like Obama. It sounded like you doing a radio guy doing Obama. Thank you. I've been working on that. I didn't know you were such a good impressionist.

I've been working on that one for a while, actually. Yeah. Let's head on over to Credit Karma dot com and go to Creditkarma.com or creditkarma app. They didn't give us a promo code. So we're just supporting

the boys over at Credit Karma. Shout out to them. Shout out to Credit Karma. Go over to creditkarma.com. We're on the honor system over here. We just trust you that you're going to go to creditkarma.com. You don't really have to like prove it to us. It's more just like,

just do it on your own time. Creditkarma.com. You should be taking it. Dude, when I was on this bachelor party, they told me, they pretty much told me that I can fucking, they gave me the green light to steal valor. Really?

Yeah, they're like, I've been looking for that for a while. If you want to steal valor, yeah they're like if you looking for that for a while if you want to steal valor you can't you need I told you any cops or just all military dudes it was all there were mostly military dudes one was a firefighter no cops no cops no cops dude but all military dudes and they

said that for the wedding they're all going to wear their military they're like blues fuck yeah and are they gonna let you wear one they said that I could wear one that would be awesome to wear their military. They're like blues. Fuck yeah. Are they going to let you wear one? And they said that I could wear one. That would be awesome. I told the groom that I was going to wear one. He's like, dude, that would be fucking sick. Can I come?

Can I wear one too? You should have came on the bachelor party. I couldn't go. You would have had a good ass time. I was busy. You made it seem like you didn't even want to go. Even if you could go. I would definitely have gone.

It sounded really fun. It was fucking awesome. It is. How are are you feeling today are you hurting uh a little bit i just i have like a little scratchy voice yeah i can hear it yeah just from fucking screaming the whole time yeah yeah i was just fucking shotgun and beers did you guys get shit faced yes bro you guys get shittered day after after day, we got fucking shit-faced. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I was there on Friday. We went to the fucking Princeton, got shittered. Do you have any nose candy? No, no, bro.

They're fucking Marines. There's no nose candy around. Oh, so you guys were shooting heroin instead? No. It's tough like Marines don't have their fun. We were just beating up people who were way fucking skinny. We were beating up people my size. Really? No. I would just beating up people who were way fucking skinny. We were beating up people my size. Really?

No, I would just talk shit and fucking let the Marines handle it. That's awesome. It just made me realize. Was anyone wearing their camo? No, we all wore Hawaiian shirts to one day. Oh, fuck yeah. And professed how much we hated Biden. We all got fuck Joe Biden tattoos. That's awesome.

Across our chest. That's timeless. They hate chest. It's timeless. They hate fucking this group hates Biden. They want him dead. He's a fucking bitch, dude. I was just outside his pad yesterday. Were you? You should have told him about the coup we were planning.

Dude, I had to. So my hotel was in Arlington and the train was going out of D.C. So and I wanted to go see the sites before I left. I didn't really do anything on Saturday. hotel was in Arlington and the train was going out of DC. So, and I wanted to go see the sites before I left. Cause I didn't really do anything on Saturday. So I was like, all right, I'm going to go on.

I'm going to pack up all my shit, take an Uber to the white house, which is, was hilarious typing in the white house as my location on Uber. Biden's house, please take me to the box. Cause because you i did that that's a thing that you can do really yeah and uh but i had to just walk around yeah so that was the worst that was rolling your rolly bag around the way no but i had my big ass duffel bag and i'm like dude people

i'm gonna get shot down like i'm just circling the white house with just this massive duffel bag on and everyone else is just like with it like no one has even like a backpack it's all like German tourists yeah I got like six bags on me yeah so that made me feel very uncomfortable but the White House is sick the Capitol's cool I didn't get

to see Lincoln which sucks I wanted to see Lincoln why it's just a fucking stationary statue brother yeah but the Mount the Washington Monument is so stupid see lincoln well it's just a fucking stationary statue brother yeah but the mount the washington monument is so stupid why it's just not there's nothing cool about it it's huge it's not the white house is probably taller than that that's not are you watching tim watching is brother how close did you get were you really far away because i can see how it looks no i was right up i was right up it gets bigger when you get closer.

I touched it. You touched it? Yeah. It's 555 feet. A White House is like three stories. I guess I'm just used to being in the city. But it looks even taller when there's no buildings around it. Buildings in the city don't look that tall because there's perspective of other buildings around it.

Disagree. Oh, disagree. Disagree back, bro. Hard disagree. How tall is the Empire State Building? The White House is 70 feet. The White House looks bigger than the White House.

70 feet. I was very hungover too. Eight times as tall as the White House. I would just stop and just sit on benches and just stare at the White House. Empire's 1250. So it's less than... It's more than half the size. It's pretty big. It's ugly. What is?

The Washington Monument. And the Empire State Building. It's ugly too. I feel like the Washington Monument is clean. It's just like clean design. It's regal. I don't know. I felt like the White House and the Capitol looked way cooler. It's a monument to American exceptionalism. But it's like all the buildings in DC, like around that area, they all look like that.

They're all short as fuck. Like you think Boston's a short ass city. I didn't say it. You did. You said that. Yeah. Yeah. But it's a really nice city.

I could have walked around there all day. It was super nice out. A lot of grass was rolling around in the grass. Yeah. DC is a cool city. Yeah. I could see myself in DC. Yeah.

Making some political deals. Yeah. Yeah. Fucking getting close with the city. Yeah. I could see myself in D.C. Yeah. Making some political deals. Yeah. Yeah. Fucking getting close with the Clintons. I was listening to I'm Just a Bill. Just sitting here on Capitol Hill. Yeah. I was listening to that. That is the best way to learn how a bill becomes a law. Yeah. You feel like you know how a bill

becomes a law? Nope. But if I sang the song in my head, I could remember it. I'm just a bill. Sing it. Only a bill. I if I sang the song in my head, I can remember it. I'm just a bill. Sing it. Only a bill. I don't know the whole thing. When does most English films come out? What happens is the corporations give a lot of money to

the senators. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There we go. We'll do whatever we can to protect gun owners' rights to have an AK 47. Oh man. It's fucking sweet.

That is the best way to learn things is through song. Yeah, it is. Yeah. That was a good at what was the conjunction junction? Wait, what was it? Conjunction function.

What was it? Yeah. Conjunction junction. What's your function? I made a song up about how to memorize Central America. It goes, Guatemala, Belize, El Salvador, Honduras, Nicaragua, Costa Rica, Panama. And dude, you'll never forget it after that. No, I don't think I will.

That'll forever be. I'll definitely remember the part where you say the N word. That part will definitely stick with me You just cut it up He said what? I mean I don't think you even have to cut it up Dude I'm like something's Did you just hear that?

Yeah was that your fart? That was like my chest Your chest farted? No my chest just cracked Like I thought something got like this. Your bad posture's catching up with you. Yeah, I know. I gotta stretch out.

Your shoulders touch in front of your body. I know, dude. Like you're high-fiving yourself. Shit is fucking terrible with your depressed ass. We got AC. I'm not depressed, dude. I'm not depressed. I'm chilling.

That's low-key sick that you guys have AC. Yeah, we did get AC. It was freezing this morning. Oh, yeah. I had to depressed, dude. I'm not depressed. I'm chilling. That's low-key sick that you guys have AC. Yeah, we did get AC. It was freezing this morning. Oh, yeah. I had to turn mine off. That's a fucking... Save some electricity. First world shit.

Yeah, your electricity bill is about to be crazy. Yeah, I know. All three of you are just blasting it at all times. Oh, yeah. On full. The living room. On high mode. Blasting it.

Yeah. Full blast. I know you guys wired it up real safe, didn't you? Dude, mine is a fucking hazard. If, if, if like, I think I could literally do time for how mine set up.

Yeah. That's the most predictable. Not one thing is locked in. I'm going to tell my firefighter buddies to say hi when they come and save you. Yeah. Because you're definitely about to start a foul. It's not me. It's going to be,

Oh no, no. Fire wise. I think it's safe. If there's a bunch of wires on top of each other, just all bundled up... Why would there be wires on top of each other? That's how your whole apartment is. You had a wire across the sink.

What are you talking about? Oh, no. I'm talking about the one that was in my room. No, there's no wires bundled up on top of each other. There's no cords for it to plug in or anything? It just plugs in right below it. Okay. Fair enough. I still think you'll start a fire. No, no. The fire is not what I'm worried about. I'm worried about it falling out of the window and murdering.

Yeah. We're the only ones who don't have a guard under it. You're supposed to have a stand. Everyone seems to have a brace drilled in. I don't know if it's a Manhattan thing, but every, like legitimately like every single AC we can see, which is like 50, they all have it. Even Dukes has it and we, me and

Owen don't have it. So what's your option? To either build a stand? To buy a stand. Why don't you just do that instead of living so negligently that you're going to kill someone? Mine realistically won't fall.

It's pretty safe. But it's not screwed. It's not set up the right way. I don't believe you. No, I do tests every single day. What did you say? How do you test it? I push it as hard as I can.

I do. I genuinely do. Dude, you taped it from the inside. That's just a cover-up. That's not for the... That's the cover-up. The blockage. You just tried it. You do a stress test of trying to kill someone. No, I squeeze it super hard. When you're done rolling around

getting your morning farts out, you go and try and push the AC out. I squeeze the sides of it super hard and then I give it like a couple of these and it doesn't even budge, dude. It's very, very secure. Sass is morning routine. No, I do that like five times a day. Squeeze your knees until you

fart for 45 minutes. Attempt murder. It's not going to fall. Show up for work. It's very secure. It is screwed in on the top, the little parts, but it's like being held in by like a millimeter of plastic, so I don't really know what that's

supposed to do. But it's a good setup. Wait, what's the tape for? Why'd you tape it from the inside? Just like insulation. Oh, got it it just so that the no air gets out so you're not wasting that sweet ass yeah you're basically a handyman there i know you're basically tim the tool man taylor took me a long time to set up really yeah it came it was like a shitty i'm looking online and all these other ones it's just like they just come and like all right slide the panels in and you just throw it in the window. Mine came with like 75 different pieces and they were like, you're going to need a drill, a screw, scissors, tape measure.

Look, I needed wood. No, I'm not being dead serious. You have to like a lot. You have to like even the things that it's on, like an even platform. And I'm like, why would I just have wood? Yeah. Dudes like us are not handy. No.

Why would I just have a plank? They're like, if you don't have a, if your windowsill is not even, make sure you split down a piece of wood. It's like, why the fuck would I just have a plank of wood on me? Yeah.

Or anything similar to a plank of wood. You're just splitting wood. It was really frustrating. It's. Oh my God. What happened? the Uber driver. Oh my god. What happened? The Uber driver, he this was so, this was the day last week where

it was like 95 degrees out. 97 on a Tuesday? Yeah. So I go to. You said it was the hottest day ever, right? No. On human record. I did not say that. It was hotter than the heat wave that killed the dinosaurs. So I go to Home Depot. I did not say that. It was hotter than the heat wave that killed the dinosaurs. I,

so I go to home Depot. I buy my AC very quick in and out. They just, they just got a big ass pile of them. And I just picked one up heavy. It's like a hundred pounds. Of course. That's not the new though.

You've been in the gym. No, no, it wasn't much. And then I get outside. I put my AC down on like a ledge outside of home Depot. And I call an Uber. Uber's 20 minutes away. I'm in the middle of Manhattan. So and i call an uber uber's 20 minutes away i'm in the

middle of manhattan so i'm like okay well there's 1000 700 other ubers that are 10 times closer so i cancel the uber or it's ordered again dude just grabs it grabs me again right away same dude same dude and i'm like okay so so i did it like five times and he just keeps picking i'm like dude clearly you see me i don't want to drive with you i don't want to wait 20 minutes outside and so he just keeps getting it and i'm like okay i guess i lost why are you why are they giving you a guy 20 minutes away do you have a bad uber rating no what's your uber rating i think i have like a four eight something that's good um then so i decided i'm like i'm just gonna wait because i'm this is a losing battle and whatever i'm in the shade the guy shows up so like 30 minutes later i was waiting outside for so long and uh he pulls it's like a long i'm on like a on a side two so it's like a long ass street you know where home

depot is it's not like 23rd i don't know but it's uh so it such a long ass street he parks at the other end of the street and I'm like up here walking towards him and he sees me just lugging this big ass AC dude just does I'm like is he gonna come forward like maybe give me some like maybe like do anything like what it's a hundred degrees out I'm lugging this a hundred pound AC and he's just sitting there just watching me carry it from like a hundred yards away I'm like, dude, just drive the car like up more. So he doesn't do anything. I get in the car. He goes, where's your mask? What? I was like, dude, are we about to fucking throw down? I was so angry. And I was like, I don't have a mask because the pandemic ended like four months ago. You fucking idiot. What is it? then, and then he's like, no worries.

I got one for you. And he pulls out a box, gives me one. We get back to my street, drops me off at the end of my street. Why does he keep on doing this? He just wouldn't pull. Why don't you ask him to not do that though? Because, yeah, I don't know, dude. I was, I don't know.

I couldn't say anything originally because I'm walking towards him. Or couldn't you just message him on the app and just be like, come to me. No, cause I'm carrying the AC or was I going to put the AC? Yeah. I mean, I guess that's a fair point, but I feel like at some level, your lack of, uh, desire to have any type of confrontation is making your life harder. You don't want to have the uncomfortable moment of having the confrontation with the dude. I mean, I was just trying to get, I was just trying to get into my apartment and set up the AC. It was so hot out. I'm dying.

But yeah, then he pulls up and he just doesn't drop me off at my apartment. And I was like, all right, thanks, dick. And I gave him a two star. Did you actually? No, I don't. I never rate them. Me neither. Even, even if I have a bad experience, I'm not going to give it. It's like his job. I'm not going to give him a a two star. Did you actually? No, I don't, I never rate them. Me neither. Even, even if I have a bad experience,

I'm not going to give it. It's like his job. I'm not going to give him a fucking one star. And I always think to myself, like when they're, if they're doing bad, I'm like, I'm going to fucking like this guy.

Yeah. Yeah. And then at the end, I'll be like, all right, bye bye. Yeah. I'm not going to purposely try and like destroy the dude's life because he,

he didn't pull up where there was really, it was very frustrating. The fact that you can't even rate people like that. I don't know why he wouldn't just pull up. But it was really it was very frustrating. The fact that you can't even rape people like that. I don't know why he wouldn't just pull up. Yeah, probably because your fucking science denying ass didn't have a mask on. Yeah, probably. He wanted to keep his fucking distance. It was probably Dr. Fauci's son.

And I had to like put the AC into like one hand and then like try and like hold it up with my leg and like open the door. And he's just standing there just watching me and then i'm like dog what's going on what a piece of fucking shit dude and then he just goes where's your mask it's fucking despicable was it a minivan no it's like a tahoe escalade perhaps was it xl no damn you're just getting escalades like that yeah it was a black uber black really oh yeah

i only ride uber black you're a fucking stud dude you deserve everything we're black sometimes you ever seen uber blacks like cheaper yeah it's very once in a while and i'll sometimes i'll just pull up in like a porsche um if you say you have a hearing disability they can't give you surge prices really yeah something fun i found. How did you know that? Oh yeah. We were talking about this recently. Yeah. Yeah.

That is interesting. And they also probably like, or less inclined to talk to you. True. They don't really talk that much in New York though. But other, I mean, yeah.

Other places they like to run their fucking mouse. Outside of the city. Gotta put them on a fucking muzzle. Yeah. Uber drivers should be required to wear muzzles. Yeah, they should. That should be like an option that you can select. Do you have your mask?

You have to check that off. Yeah, they have to check off a picture of them with a muzzle. They'll probably just talk right through it. I got on Uber because I wanted to have a little bit bit extra money. Just keep on yakking. I don't think I've ever actually had someone.

I feel like that's such a stereotypical, like, yeah, I've been driving for Uber for about two years now. I've never had someone that said that. I feel like my early Uber conversations were exclusively that. Yeah, I probably just wasn't on, wasn ubering a lot when it was first came out now i have no no interest in uh at making small talk across the board it's one of the worst things in my life that i've lost my my desire to small talk i used to want to just schmooze the fuck out of everybody and now i no longer give a fuck i i i have never had any interest to small talk with uber drivers but if they're talking, I'll talk back.

I don't go full asshole mode and just not reply. Yeah. You definitely do that. No, I don't do it. You throw the headphones on. What? Yeah.

I mean, that's different than not replying, but I don't even do that. Yeah. I'll humor their stupid ass conversation that they're trying to have. Worst thing you could do is tell them about something interesting. Oh yeah. You got to make them seem like they're fucking.

You got to dehumanize them. I think that's the most important thing you can do with an Uber driver. Second most important thing is to order some last chance Barstool Father's Day shit. And specifically, I'm talking about boy dad stuff.

The boy dad retro hat, the boy dad crew neck, son of a boy dad crew necks are all available right now at store.barstoolsports.com. This shit is a good ass fucking deal. I wore this stuff out to the bar in Avalon.

Everybody was like, where's Sass? Where's Sass? Oh, this is a cool... We got an ad for... Sorry, I was trying to pull up that ad the entire time you were doing it. Yeah, yeah. That was the ad. Oh, we got an ad for sorry i was trying to pull up that ad the entire time yeah yeah that was the ad we got an ad for our own stuff dude i had a bunch of people coming up to me this weekend and even instead of where's sass they're like is that's all right why i've been chilling yeah i think that they just uh they can't say they hate to see a brother winning they know they think that you're from when you, when you felt a little bit down for a little bit, that they've,

they thought that that was a permanent state that you were in as far as, or as opposed to just like a period in your life. Like you're, you're not just always down like that. No, I don't think so. But people have a misconception of you that, that you're,

you're just a sad boy at all times. I mean, it comes in waves. Just like anybody else. Yeah. That's very true. That was just a, that was a, that was a deep wave. Yeah. That like anybody else. Yeah. That's very true. That was just a,

that was a, that was a deep wave. Yeah. That was a tsunami. Yeah. That was a, if my entire life was crumbling from the inside of my 100 square foot apartment, I thought I wasn't going to see you again.

I didn't think I legitimately, I've talked about it before. I didn't think I was ever coming back to New York. I thought it was going to be like a core square where everyone just moves over a space. Moves over. Someone else moves in. I was going to be like four square where everyone just moves over a space. Tyler moves over, someone else moves in. I was going to quit Barstool and I was going to never come back to New York.

Ever. I was going to just like leave all my shit in the apartment. Yeah, no, I remember you because you left with a suitcase. Yeah, no, not as I brought like three bags home. I think one of them was a suitcase is I've gone on trips with you and you pack out of backpacks and gym bags and there was a suitcase

that came out for this move. Yeah. Yeah. I had three bags. Every single thing I had in my apartment was in my bag. It was in my bag. Well, people identify strongly with that phase of SAS. And I think you have to tell them that there's other parts of the wave, like there's high tide and there's low tide and that sometimes you're on low tide and everything's cool yeah right now bro yeah no it's over it's overflowing she's broke you're up climate change yeah she's broken you're up it's climate change right now that is ice age is over we're fucking drowning in it i uh what about you you just happy with that like perfect family and career of yours yeah yeah no complaints over here

that's awesome man good for you for sure for sure definitely bro it's always fucking this completely even keel yeah always riding around 95 it's fucking sweet dude saturn saturn perrone i never get sad bro just kidding i get sad too but i'm just like a expert at pushing it down and acting like everything's fine. I'll kill myself someday. Everyone will be like, I never saw it coming. Which it will make it so much more of a surprise. Yeah, which honestly... It'll be a big reveal. It'll be...

I'll be waiting for the poster to blow up. You've kind of taken the air out of your suicide, Seth. Yeah. Well, he's just pump fake. A boy who cried wolf to your suicide. No, the thing is though, it's not even like... It's not even like... All right, well...

It's not even like that like it'll it'll be back like it it's so my mental health is so bad that like when i'm happy or in a good mood i'm like fuck like this is about to be a crash like no one's ever seen like i'll question why i'm like why am i in a good mood and then i'll wake up the next morning i'll be like oh here here we go again yeah i mean the the acknowledgement that there's no permanence to having a good ass mood sometimes can be freeing but sometimes it's like oh it's it ruins the good mood yeah it's like oh fuck this shit's about to be bad yeah the other shoe's gonna drop and hard yeah across my fucking neck but that's why when you just come to the realization that you're a bitch it makes it way easier definitely when uh when do you know when most dangerous game is coming out july you know

when late early i don't even know i know they're working on it i've seen some of it already it looks fucking sick really even just photos from it look fucking dope yeah they were cool you see that file of photos yeah yeah yeah i looked through all. We got, I don't know if there's like any formal, uh, like after show for it, but we should try to like be the after show. If like, I'm sure other people will talk about it on their programs.

People like, uh, plan Bree uncut, uh, mean girls, podcasts, twisted history, pardon my take in macro dosing,

smoke show, cracking aces. Who else was on it that has shows? I'm sure people would talk about it on their own shows. Yeah. But if we can be, we should try and be a hub for the conversation. You think we should do a live thing? That would be dope. Yeah, that'd be fun.

We also got to start putting out these behind the scenes. We just put one out. Yeah, that was dope. We need also got to start putting out these behind the scenes. We just put one out. Yeah, that was dope. We need to put out the one for the nicest. Oh, that's going to wait until all the competitors are done. Really? I mean, we could put it out earlier, but it's going to be kind of weird to see, like, what we've got yet. Is it their actual footage from the battles, or is it just stuff in between?

Just everything in between. I think we could put it out. Let's put it out before this, or I don't know. We'll put it out eventually. Yeah, that video's out now. The behind the scenes from the Texas. I don't think we've done. That came out last week. Like Thursday. Those are going to be awesome.

Yeah, that's very funny. Tyler and I have started going on the trips with them and I mean, you guys are funnier off camera than on half the time. That is true. It's good to start recording everything we just have fun fun little times even just in that last video seeing the like uh difference in like color

correction from uh it like shows how good the neighborhood eats videos are edited oh my god yeah crazy how it's just this like bland boring like gray background and then a neighborhood eats. It looks like a fucking vibrant. It looks like you shot a new lady in sunny.

It's crazy. And it's weird. I never like have ever tried to color correct anything that I've done. Really? Yeah. But I just like, I guess, yeah, it makes it look way better. That dude Obes is a fucking savage with it, dude. He's just, he's an absolute artist with it.

And we were looking at his stuff the other day, his website. Really? His stuff with Diddy? Yeah. And Drake, Kanye. Yay. Yeah, that's kind of fucking sick. Yeah. You saw Drake like the clip from The Nicest? Yeah. Really? No, I didn't see that. That's sick. Which one? The one of the, it was on

the dude Frack's YouTube or Instagram or whatever. And it was the one, were you in it i mean i was hosting it but i wasn't rapping in it but still just the fact that uh none of the episodes have come out on the internet yet and they're getting that much play i think it might be good i think the nicest might be a good ass series definitely super good i think so they're like all my ass about like the funding for it i I was like, dude, fucking like either just sell it and like sell a sponsor. Like, well, we can't sell a sponsor until like we have to see how it goes on sling. It's like, dude, fucking, it's going to go. It's already, it's going great. Like, what do you mean see how it goes? Do you have to put it out on slang?

Yeah, that's where some of the money's coming from, but they made it seem like there was a certain amount of money and now they're trying to make it seem like there's less money coming from slaying. I don't know. I feel like I've been lied to. That would be a huge loss on their behalf if they didn't find the money for that. No, they did. But I think that it just came with like complaining to me about the money. I think that that was just the other side of just bitching at me. Yeah.

If you're going to tell me I can make shit, I'm going to try to fucking make shit. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, how much money even goes into that? Can't be like a crazy amount. Um, it's not a crazy amount.

Or I guess you have to like rent a venue. Yeah. But this is still not a crazy, I don't think it's a crazy amount. Yeah. For the amount of money that gets spent on making some things. Yeah. Like it's a small,

small fraction of the, of the budget of, uh, Barstool's most dangerous game show. Yeah. Yeah. But. It's a small, small fraction of the budget of Barstool's Most Dangerous Game Show. But that also had a big sponsor on it. Just talk a little fucking business, dude. A little inside baseball. That's the fucking venture capital. If you need any money, let me know.

I do need money. It's going to be way bigger on YouTube. Yeah, it's going to be bigger on fucking YouTube, dude. I'm trying to convince them, but they don't believe. No, they should definitely believe you. You've got to lead a horse to water, but you really can't make them drink, dude. I'm going to fucking drown the horse in the fucking water, dude. Dip the horse underwater.

When does it come out on YouTube? The first one is on this Thursday. Oh, good. Me against Real Deal. This Thursday. Anybody can watch it. All son of a boy data listeners can watch it. Yeah, go watch that because it's very funny and it's good.

It's very good. Buy sass is tickets for Brooklyn. What else are we doing this week, boys? What else is going on? What else? Nothing. Yeah.

We're bowling for sure. There's going to be fucking kicking back with the homies telling stories. Going to go see top gun this week. I think I might go out to dinner with my friends, dude. Damn. That would be awesome bro where we going um

Wednesday night it's the one where it's a policeman a firefighter and uh yeah not really my squad you don't have the flags to match it's a knock knockknock joke, ass. I know it is. A nun.

A police officer. A redhead and Adolf Hitler. Yeah. There's no flag for nuns, though. Policemen, firefighters, they got a blue line. We should make non-lives matter gear. Yeah, we should. Just a fucking habit right through.

Yeah. Who was the person for the darts that was wearing the shirt with the, the American flag with just the dart through it. Oh, the thin blue line. But it was a dart. Yeah. Of course that was Greer's best friend from home.

Oh really? Oh, the Canadian dude. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The guy's awesome. That's hilarious.

That's so fucking funny. Yeah. Those shirts were awesome. I love people who are Naturally funny Like Greer's ass Yeah Greer's hilarious Just like funny Funny on their own

Just funny for fun That's what funny shit is Just pure Funny Alright Whores like me and Sass Are just funny for the Fucking camera shit

We're not real I know I'm not even funny For the camera Neither am I You're really serious Off camera Me?

Yeah Yeah he is Oh yeah This is like as loose as I get I'm not even funny for the camera. Neither am I. You're really serious off camera. Me? Yeah. Yeah, he is. Oh yeah. This is like as loose as I get. He won't even tell a joke off camera. He'll just report the news. Yeah. He's like Leno.

He's like, no, these are worth 50K. Yeah. It's too, it's, you're actually losing money every time you joke off camera. It's terrible for your bottom line. If you want to see the jokes, you're going to have to buy the tickets. Exactly. There's one place you can see Sass telling jokes and that's in Brooklyn. Oh yeah. it's terrible for your bottom line if you want to see the jokes you're gonna have to buy the tickets exactly there's one place you can see

Sass telling jokes and that's in Brooklyn oh yeah sorry this is Harry Sass is you can see Sass on stage yeah

wait should I drop the location for the nicest on son of a boy dad so son of the boy dad listeners can come yeah you should

I should and I should. And I should tell people online that the only way that they can find out where the location is for the nicest is by listening to son of a boy dad. Fuck. It was so long ago that I found it. Is it at the same place?

Yeah, do you have the address? It's at the same place. 215 Ingram. Is that it? Make sure that that's it sure we're running a double check on that we're gonna run on a fucking quadruple quadruple check on fucking where that venue is and then we'll be out of your hair dude we won't really fucking belabor the point that much when was this dude how fucking long ago was this shit bro what this last compliment battle probably like a month maybe a month and a half

dude Sash remember your NFL draft video bro yeah that shit was hilarious 4 million views on the on Twitter

yeah how many total views did that get bro 4 million I think no it had a lot on IG I don't know they ran back your pride month video what'd they say about that Yeah. How many total views did that get, bro? 4 million, I think. No, it had a lot on IG. I don't know. They ran back your Pride Month video.

What'd they say about that? Yeah, I got a lot of followers from that. It was awesome. Yeah, you ran it up, bro. You got a ton of followers on that from that one. Which one? The Pride Month one. Oh, the original one.

Not really the one that they just did. Not one they just did I feel like you got a bunch more didn't you just get an influx of Instagram followers I got like 2k it's fucking sick dude but I got a lot from the draft video I got like 20k bro where the fuck is this fucking address dude I'm just

killing so much fucking time if it helps I think it was this Saturday before Easter I got a new phone so I'm pretty sure it was the same weekend I went to here we go 215 Ingram Street Brooklyn 11237

say that again 215 Ingram Street Ingram Street Brooklyn come by on three o'clock on Saturday and 215 Ingram Street, Ingram Street, Brooklyn. Come by on three o'clock on Saturday and watch these battles for the nicest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to come through, Sass. In flexwetrust.com.

Roanon the nicest watch the battles dude it's gonna be pat's day we gotta have pat's day come on on monday hell yeah he's the headliner pat's gay you won't say that shit to his face he's just like sick sick dude from nova scotia just like tatted

up like tatted on his head he's the fucking funniest dude though. You want me to cut that and save it for next week? That's gay. Luckily, he loves to talk that gay shit, which is why he'll be perfect for this compliment battle. Gay pride worldwide. Awesome. Sweet.

All right, guys. Thanks for listening. We'll see you next week. Thanks for letting me get that plug in. Needs a lot.