Son of a Boy Dad - Son of a Boy Dad: Ep. 74 - $300 Date

Episode Date: August 16, 2022

Rone and Sas are joined by Tommy Smokes and had a hall of fame riff session for 60 straight minutes. They run through a prep sheet left in the studio from earlier in the day, relive stumbling upon a prostitution ring in LA, debate pedophile vs tumor and more. Very funny episode this week.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, Son of a Boy Dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. What is up, everybody? Welcome back to Son of a Boy Dad Podcast. We are back in our original studio. Well, it was like our second home that we kind of, we had an original studio, then we started doing it in these because we got scared.

And then we moved back to the good studio. And now we're back in the bad. We're back in the bad place. We're to kind of represent how we are doing mentally. Oh, we're down. Yeah. We're all backing up. We're in a pretty bad place, bro.

Yeah. We're all positivity these days. I'm happy as hell. Yeah. We've been on a, I just need to be depressed or happy. Just let me know. I don't know. I just don't like'm happy as hell. Yeah, we've been on a- You want me to be depressed or happy? Just let me know. I don't know.

I just don't like this room. Yeah, what should we do, dude? Do you want to, like, break shit in here? Do you want to fucking take- Like, I feel like if we're going to do it, they should just lean into it and just paint the walls black. They should paint over the TV screen. Yeah. Or white.

Yeah, white. Yeah, white walls. Yeah, padded. Or an insane asylum. Yeah. It's what it feels like. It's what it feels like sometimes, brother. I feel like a

monkey in a cage yeah a monkey doing my little dance insane asylum dance do my little dance for the big guys upstairs they're fucking clapping throwing fucking very small coins at you oh yeah barely any coins you know that's just another day in the industry let's talk industry yes dude please tommy's about to break into the industry he's been asking you for your agent at every fucking turn i know true relax tommy it's not i well i want to start trying stand up i'm not saying he wants i said he needs a team yeah i mean i will need a makeup you need a team team i'll need a runner i'll need a pamperer trainer chef yeah yeah chef maybe a private show i actually if i was

if i made a lot of money i would the first thing i would do is get a private chef i don't even care i don't even care if i have a nice kitchen i would literally have them in my apartment that i live in they're just huddled over your one burner yeah i would i would dude i would pay a lot of money for that you get 60 $60,000 a year. I would be willing to give like 50% of my money away for a private chef. I like eating out too much. No, I hate eating out. I just don't like cooking. Yeah, I don't like cooking.

I just never do it. I just order food. But wouldn't you rather have like a healthy meal? No, sometimes I want that junk. I yearn for that Wendy's meal. No, I don't at all. That pizza. Yeah, so bad.

Like eating something super late at night and like recognizing in the morning what it just did to your tummy that shit is a terrible feeling but you're just loading up on junior bacon cheeseburgers i mean mcdonald's gives me a specific stomach ache like i know it's called like the mcdonald's stomach ache like it's a feeling that nothing else in the world gives me i can't like dude it's just you just feel bad yeah but it's like a specific gassiness but it's not like i'm can't like dude it's just you just feel bad yeah but it's like a specific gassiness but it's not like i'm shitting a lot it's like i'm throwing it's like a stomach ache in your brain yeah it's just a ton of pain because it's so much salts and and

preservatives and stuff you could tell that the cows were like real real sad and scared when they got killed their corn feel their depression yeah corn makes you fucking sad and scared well how they're supposed to eat corn yeah they just feed them corn because it's cheaper really yeah i didn't Because their corn feel their depression. Yeah. Corn makes you fucking sad and scared. Well, cows aren't supposed to eat corn. Yeah. They just feed them corn because it's cheaper. Really?

Yeah. I didn't even think corn was real until a little bit ago. Dude, do you know they have to cut open the cows and pull the corn out of their stomach? Because it doesn't digest.

Because they can't digest it. Dude, I don't know. Why do we keep letting it readily available to them? Because that's how people make money in America. And they love the taste. It's a business.

I hate this fucking country. They just butter it up and put some Cajun. No, that's what they do. And the cows can't even walk because they're so fat. They tip over. Tipping cows. It's fucked up. What documentary did you just watch?

No, I just know this. I watched a documentary about it a long time ago. Sounds like an 11-minute YouTube video that you're summarizing. No, I just know this. I watched a documentary about it a long time ago. Sounds like an 11-minute YouTube video that you're somewhere else in. No, I watched it in science class in like ninth grade. Whenever a cow gets killed, they have to like carve it open like a pumpkin and there's just corn in there.

No, no, no, they're still alive when this is happening. They carve open live cows. They open up live cows and they have to pull the corn out of their body. And then they just sew them back up and then kill them. Sew them back up and feed them more corn. Yeah. All of them?

Or does it happen once or twice? No, this is a real thing that happens. It doesn't sound cost effective. It is, dude, because they're making so much money on the cows. Tyler, is this shit true? Dude, I have no idea. I can't even weigh in. I'll look it up, though.

Look it up. Get to the bottom of this. Does every cow get split open in a cesarean section over and over again so corn can get cleared out of it you're saying it's just what the big corporations do yeah the big the big farms the big cow farms see now what am i even supposed to look up to find this i don't know you're fucking spitting this shit into the air and you know our listeners will take this shit as fact and fucking argue it with their relatives at Thanksgiving about this shit. Like, no, I fucking heard it on a podcast, dude. I swear to fucking God.

You have to split them open and clean them out like a dryer. Like get the lint out of the dryer. It's real. This is real. Is it called calving? Calving? Like C-A-L-V-i-n-g like cutting a calf in half calving calving cool thing i looked up i looked up corn coming out of cows

are cows made of corn fuck dude cows might be actually fucking made i don't know i can't find it but it says that it must be real because it's not because it's not natural for cows to eat large quantities of corn animals raised on it are more likely to suffer from health issues that most include bloat or possibly fatal amounts of excess gas and liver abscess abscess abscesses abscesses dude we're obsessed speaking of obsessed dude i just uh i brought in a a prep sheet for us to work on today just like kind of some thought starters like i figured like thought starters will kind of fucking launch us into the type of stuff we uh we want to talk about so this first one is is it okay for a man to masturbate fellas what do we think i know i'm still stuck up on this corn thing i know i know i i don't think i'm wrong i'm pretty sure they actually do this but like what am i supposed

to google to find this i don't know i feel like do they cut the corn out of cows i feel like that would be a if if it was real people would have asked this question i don't know it might be inherently sexist to masturbate how do you mean because women obviously are here for one thing which is to pleasure man and to say and to say oh no oh no women i don't need you to do that anymore i'm gonna do it myself you're taking away the one thing women are on this earth for which is we're not a misogynistic podcast i don't know where you got that idea you're son of a boy dad you're too masculine three we're god three masculine we're god loving men and before that we're women loving men but you guys both do it god is not a woman you then that means your guys are you guys are on the same page that it's not

okay for a man to masturbate i love god yeah you love you just had different reasons to get to the same conclusion right right because you don't do it because it's i i would be taking away women's one use on this planet and you don't do it because because i'm saving myself for marriage yeah and you love god so much and i love god and he says not to masturbate and you know he's just floating towards the like roof of your your bedroom just looking down on you to see if you're fucking... He's always watching. So I'm not particularly religious, but I do believe in God to a degree. And I don't masturbate on Sundays. It's like the one religious thing I do because it's in the Ten Commandments to keep the Lord's Day holy. And I don't go to church, but I do not masturbate on Sundays.

Do you eat meat? Do I what? Eat meat on Sundays? Yeah. Do you beat meat? No beating meat, just eating it. Is that the church where you're not allowed to eat meat on Sundays? That's Fridays during Lent.

But also it used to be all Fridays. But I think it used to be all Sundays too, or am I wrong? Sundays, you feast Sunday dinner. You have people over for sauce and meatballs. But like Chick-fil-A is closed on Sundays. Yeah, I think that that's a different type of shit that they're on. That's just because you should be at church. They're resting.

It's not like they're not selling it. It's that the workers can't work, I think that that's a different type of shit that they're on. That's just because you should be at church. They're resting. It's not like they're not selling it. It's that the workers can't work, I think. Interesting. Which is all, neither one of them really makes sense. And I think that it used to just be because people were like broke. Oh, it makes sense. Oh, yeah. That makes sense to you.

Well, I just haven't seen the light yet. And I'm waiting for some of my most fucking enlightened friends to maybe share it with me. You'll see. And you keep all the light yourself. And it says in the Bible, you shouldn't keep your light under a under a bushel and somehow you got a big fucking bushel with a bunch of light under it and i can't even get a good try and spew this into a negative thing i'm not i'm just saying i want to be saved i want to be baptized you'll be saved when you're well and ready i want to go down to the river brother you'll you'll get there take me to the fucking

river i don't know if you could handle the river. I would fucking swim in the river. No, no, no. I'd probably float to the fucking, float into fucking heaven straight away. Second question. Do girls prefer clitoral... I'm assuming it says clitoral stimulation or penetration. Clitoris. It doesn't say clitoral. It says, do you girls prefer clitoral stimulation over penetration? Do girls prefer clitoral it says do you girls prefer clitoral stimulation off of that over penetration do girls

prefer clitoral stimulation over penetration sass do you want to go first i've never been with a woman before sexually so i don't know and tommy our resident deviant yes known fucker except well do you fuck on sundays yeah i'd be fucking on... You take fucking when you can get it. Any day of the week. It might drive the broads... And I'll be honest, sometimes if I get home late from the bar on a Saturday night and it's technically Sunday morning, I'll treat myself. I will technically bring that rule. Wait, you jerk off when you get home from the bar?

If I was all horned up and I wasn't able to stick it in anything, I might be like... Tommy's a horned up guy. You are, dude. You're the opposite of Glennie. Like Glennie just likes to chase. It's like going out with Mike Wallace and Tommy was like a fucking nightmare. Why?

Bro, there's going to be so much snatch at this bar. We did not say that. You were very pro strip club. You said all you do is go to strip clubs. I've never said those words once. If anything, I would go to a strip club to save the girls. Where's your father? That would be the only reason I would ever go to a strip club.

You guys tried to go to a strip club? No, Tommy did. No, you were in the car. You were very much like, yeah, I love strip clubs. Me and my boys are in Denver. All we do is go to strip clubs. No, no, no. I went along to try and stop Tommy and Mike.

You tried to save them. I was saying Hail Mary is the entire way. No, I went along to try and stop Tommy and Mike. You tried to save them. I was saying Hail Mary is the entire way around. We were pulling. We were in an Uber and we went. We just Googled a strip club in LA. We got there. Clearly very bad area. Under an overpass off a highway.

I asked you, I was like, it's a bad area. What makes a bad area? And he was like, here? Tell me about that. No, this is not a good area. And I was like, all right, let's abort mission. It's probably fine. It's probably fine. It's right there. We'll just walk inside a good area. And I was like, all right, let's abort mission. And Tass was like, it's probably fine. It's probably fine.

Like, it's right there. We'll just walk inside. I did. I was silent this entire time. No, you wanted to go home. I wanted to go home. Get your rocks off. You wanted to go home the entire time.

The entire time. I mean, my boys in Denver, we always go to strip clubs. No, no, no. I've never been. I've never done that. Damn. And so what happened? So we left there despite Tass's begging we went you

want to know what really happened we didn't go there we go somewhere else it's literally a prostitution literally a prostitution ring i'm like i'm leaving i'm not going in there and tommy and mike were like we were curious about the business dude i kind of want to just like know what lies like yeah we were curious about the bit and i'm I kind of want to just know what is going on. Yeah, we were curious about the business. You walked in. We go in. There's girls chained down to bleachers. They're in a waiting room.

They're like, you can rent the girls for $100 to play pool with them. And Tommy was like, I haven't played pool. Yeah, play pool. I don't know. I'm not that good at pool. Maybe they'll give me some tips. And I was like, no, dude. Well, Sass, you do love to play pool, though, so I'm surprised

you weren't just racking it up for some night. I was like, I am absolutely not going. There was this older couple that owned it. All the girls were on the side. They wouldn't even look at us. It's like, make me feel wanted. If you want my money, make me feel wanted. And then they were like, this is

not a strip club, just so you know. They're like, you have companionship. It was a companionship. And we're they were like this is not a strip club just so you know they're like you have companionship it was a companion and we're like but it is not a strip club that's fucking weird we walked outside and mike is talking to this i guess he's like the bouncer or whatever it was a fake bouncer that they sent him out yeah and the bouncer's like oh yeah for 300 girls you could for 300 you could fuck because the owners are not to say that but then they send out the they send out like the oh the the cool uncle bouncer and he's like dude he's like you could fuck him for three he's like dude this is a good play and then mike is like mike and tommy they're like no just him they're like hey man i would have probably spent 300 on a date anyway like trying to like there is a truth to trying to reason with their selves as to why they should fuck these girls that was i

was never i would never pay for sex america i would never i would i would get smuggled in they were smuggled into america to be tied down they're they're free country now we saved them heroin from whatever socialist land one of the darker moments of my life it was insane you saved them we i mean the fat guys like us no not me save them well yeah not you you don't save i save them i'm sorry you went back in front of let a single mother maybe pay i went in i went in the only reason i even went was because i wanted to go in and i wanted to say hey how much money do i have to give you to free these girls or you like like i was going i felt like i was

going to a dog pound yeah sass wanted to pay the owners i wanted to pay the girl so that they could feed their children you're free you yeah you wanted to pay the 300 and then just climb out the window with the girl no i'm like run run run go pull them i was gonna stand in the bathroom and like give them all a boost and put them all shove them all out the window how much would it be for all the girls wow you must want to have some kind of party and you just fucking push them out the fucking women's bathroom window yeah then you got to go back you boys have to go back and next time we're in la city of angels now la is like actually la is not bad la was way more fun this time around than it was when we were in uh i love the super bowl yeah it sucked for the super bowl wait so did so what'd you go with

clitoral or penetration clitoral oh that's yours that's your final stance yeah okay though um the stigma of being 31 and not married or pregnant wait what do you mean i don't know let's talk about it what's worse no like the stigma that surrounds i know like a lot of people who are 31 who aren't married it's worse if you're a woman we talked about this when i went we talked about this when i went on anus you have a severe misogyny problem no and this is a podcast but we accept everyone well we were we were i was on anis a month ago we're like there's no lonelier existence than like a 29 year old unmarried woman

because like you're you're older or like single or what is it there's like 1950s no because like your most people are not married the only friend they have is their spatula i'll adjust from 29 to 32 if you're a purely single 32 year old woman no sadder existence because when you get older you're bugging you become it's not like andrew tate you become the yeah why are you not procreating you become like the funner aunt you know it's oh she's the cool so why would you be the dude like if you're an aunt when you're 32 there's no like well unless you have a sibling who's like 10 years older than you. Their kids are like 15.

You're the fun aunt. You're the fun aunt. No, once you get to the 40s, I'm saying. I'm saying at 32, you don't have that yet. Why would being an aunt be more of a joy than being a single 32-year-old woman who can just live in 2022 and just go out and fuck whoever she wants? I don't agree with this. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. You't know who brought this up originally but i just know that this is how society thinks i think being a single 32 year old woman is empowering personally but i do think that

there's there's a view of society where it said exactly yeah you guys backpedal i don't know who brought that up but i do how old are you aren't you like 26 yeah i'm 26 so you think like any girls your age in two years they're not no that's right that's why i said 32 i adjusted no you actually said 20 would say 28 we're just no we really said 29 28 29 was the first one and then he went back down to 28. And then we shot him down. No, no, I never went to 20. I went from 29 to 32. You're lying. But that's fine.

So three years from now, Tommy, you better be married. No, no, no. As a guy. It's a whole other set of my whole life. Yeah, my whole life's. Damn, dude, you are Andrew Tate, dude. You even walk like Andrew Tate. Did you see him like walking and shit like that?

And how like, he has like a kind of a silly, a silly goofy walk like you. He's got a little bit of a fruity walk. You even walk like Andrew Tate. Did you see him walking and shit like that? And how he has kind of a silly goofy walk like you. A fruity walk, you might want to call it. I have a fruity walk. A little bit. Oh, yeah. Don't you think? I was with the Brooklyn boys last night and I was insecure about my walk because they all walk real cool.

How so? Oh, yeah. Carrying a skateboard. Carrying a skateboard. Kind of just like they all got these cool-ass pants on. They do have cool pants over there, huh? They got cool pants in Brooklyn. And everybody is freshly unshowered. And I don't even know how...

Everyone's smoking cigs. It's crazy. Everyone's trans. It's so fire. I know. They have a good time over there. They party. You live there.

Yeah. We're all trans out there. No, we were in the... Side note, I left my card at that bar. Yikes. You live there. Yeah. We're all trans out there. No, we were in the... Side note, I left my card at that bar. Yikes. Is it close to your apartment? No. Now? No. You gotta go out there again, bro. That's like a two-hour commute for me.

You might come back trans, though. You go there one more time. That sucks. Cancel it and get a new one? No, go out there for it. Just ask whoever was... Ask Adam to get it for you no you left your uh your notebook on stage too yeah that was horrifying i thought they were gonna pick it up and read it it was this stupid fucking shit yeah i was genuinely that'd be a

pretty good comedy actor comedian goes up and just mocks the jokes the last guy left like a lot of people do that yeah don't be all people do all do that i thought you said you want to be a comic dude how routinely are people forgetting their notebooks on stage never how's the first time i've ever done it exactly but making fun of the person's jokes in front of them yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah that's mean so what kind of comedy are you going to do once you become a comedian um really dark like a jesal neck type of darkness oh really yeah yeah yeah compare yourself to someone jesal jesal neck yeah i'd go to a jesal only thing better than a baby's a dead baby or some shit whatever the fuck he's talking about dude yeah yeah that's just gonna be fucking hilarious thank you but isn't he a pretty good joke writer, though? What? Isn't he a pretty good...

If baby Jesus didn't die, he wouldn't have been able to save us. Yeah. Or I guess baby Jesus didn't die. No, he did. Eventually, he grew up to die. He grew up to die. And he saved us. Yeah.

They almost killed Moses, too. They almost fucking clipped Moses' bitch ass. Just dumped him in the river. What do you know about Moses, bitch? It's one of my favorites.'s like uh and it's a like ye uh fuck like yeezy or hope like yeezus and hove like moses and jesus just i butchered that i butchered that 10 seconds a lyric from jail she just can't do that i'm uncomfortable my skin is crawling right now. Smokes effect.

Nobody makes a skin crawl like crawling. Crawl your toes. Yeah. They were trying to kill babies back in the day, though. They still are. No, not like that. We reversed that shit, baby. It's impossible to kill a baby now I'm kidding

I'm not I don't support I don't know if you're a man of God you're anti-abortion I know I mean like a mental pretzel yeah you're in a big crossroads

I don't know where this is going you're a man of God who just had a night of comedy in Bed-Stuy I don't know where this is going I don't know where this is going I don't know where this is going I don't know where this is going

I don't know where this is going I don't know where this is going I don't know where this is going I don't know where this is going I don't know where this is going I don't know where this is going I don't know where this is going I don't know where this is going

I don't know where this is going I don't know where this is going I don't know where this is going I don't know where this is going I don't know where this is going I don't know where this is going I don't know where this is going I don't know where this is going

I don't know where this is going I don't know where this is going I don't know where this is going I don't know where this is going I don't know where this is going I don't know where this is going I don't know where this is going I don't know where this is going

I don't know where this is going I don't know where this is going I don't know where this is going I don't know where this is going I don't know bed style she called time out forgiveness when i left brooklyn yeah you gotta pray on that shit i prayed all night long well jesus parlayed with sinners that was like kind of his thing like he was always just mix it up with prostitutes and shit like that he was jesus probably in that bar dude probably dressed with

some thick rimmed glasses it was not a bar this was like a fucking plain hanger where the the the oh the i thought you're talking about the the the prostitution ring why are you back on the prostitution right because i said jesus was with the prostitutes i see where he's coming from but it was uh he's horny yeah just like you brother you hang around with a bunch of high t individuals you're just an amalgamation of the five people who spend the most time. Those boys are high. Tommy's high T. Oh, yeah. Thank you.

And I'm low T. That's what the T stands for. No, it stands for Tommy. Yeah, yeah. Testosterone Tommy. What's our next question? This was a fucking good one. How can a younger divorced guy or girl with kids approach that subject with a date?

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and redeem code boy dad for 20 off your first your first purchase terms apply download game time last minute tickets lowest prices guaranteed all right we're back hope you guys stuck around because this question is going to get real juicy. Who did not stick around for that? So once again, how can a younger divorced guy or girl with kids approach that subject with a date? Clip this. Start clipping this right fucking now. Whoever submitted this is fucking naughty. That's all I have to say.

Yeah. Yeah. I think you just got to go in and just be honest i think you gotta just be your truth my move would be kind of sniff the air and be like it smells like my ex-wife's pussy and just see if that's if that kind of three babies crawled out of it yeah so so when you go on a date with a girl you always need to give her a reason to come back to your apartment so those kids can act as a reason just at the end of the day okay you want to why would that be the reason i just love kids girls are addicted to kids dude i think that's like a real tiktok or it was like a tiktok it was like this guy he's like girls

always need a reason to come back to your crib he's like for me it's mario he's like i tell i tell them that there's no way they can beat me in mario kart and they always come back and we never play mario kart he called does he call it mario i say mario i'm not sure what he says why are you a mario guy yeah it's because that's how it's pronounced i'm italian so so my bro call me what's your last name's she your last name she belly she belly she belly why don't you open up a pizza place

she belly uh I don't know like a pregnant woman's stomach she belly yeah any woman's stomach

could be a she belly but like when I'm thinking more of a belly like having a belly like a real belly that's actually a good icebreaker for like letting the

like the kids thing yeah bring up the she belly yeah so you know my name sounds like she belly and be like by the kids thing. Yeah. Bring up the she belly. Yeah. So, you know, my name sounds like she belly. And be like, by the way. My ex-wife.

Your belly's a little big yourself. Are you pregnant? Have you been pregnant before? Because I used to fuck someone who was pregnant. My ex-wife who has three kids and then bam, it's brought up. Yeah. Yeah. This is fun. This is good podcast.

Yeah. I don't know. This is, I mean, I just kind of was divinely inspired by this give us a better one and then underneath it says it says religion underneath it i added that so it's like how can how can you how can a young divorced guy or girl with religion approach that subject on a date oh that's a lot well if you had your approach religion on a date religious i was gonna say if you had kids and Oh, that's a lot. Well, if you can't get divorced if you're religious. I was going to say if you had kids and then divorce,

you're really not that religious. That's what happened to Jude Carter. There's also no doubt in my mind that Tommy... how do you get better at sex? That's like, did someone write

that one of them wrote that? They're asking. How do you get... Don't just leave a note like this here unless you want people to... Oh, what's this? Wait, what is this?

What's this scoreboard? I don't know. It's just on the back. Oh, I genuinely have been assuming It's just on the back. Oh, I genuinely have been assuming we're on Earthies questions. No, this is from the Dave Portnoy show. How do you get better at sex, though, Tony? Break it down.

So, Dave... I think the clitoral stimulation's any good. How do you get better at sex? I just wonder. People been asking dave how do you break it to a guy that's seriously debating if it's okay for a guy to masturbate i mean tom maybe there's one podcast yeah you know exactly that's true and speaking of which hey if you've ever if you're a big stoolie and, you know, you've just been dying to see your favorite barstool personalities naked, a lot of us are now naked online.

Well, not naked. No, we are. No, they're not. Have you not been yet? Oh, you got to update your account, bro. Yeah. Oh, shit. Are you on OnlyFans yet, Tommy?

I'm probably will make. I started mine earlier today. Yeah. I've already made $800,000. Yeah, just a really cheap one. I think, you know, cheaper the better. No, I went $500. You should just go out and just post dick, because no one's going to... Or just post

your thoughts, like your Thursday thoughts. Yeah, behind the paywall. What is the difference between that and us just doing a Patreon? Yeah, it's the same thing. It's the same thing. What if we just put the podcast on OnlyFans? Yeah, they would never know. That's fire. And it's the same thing but what if we just put the podcast on OnlyFans yeah they would never know that's fire but and it's also

if it was ever published somewhere and I think that's kind of the long play you're just trying to eventually sue someone like you're bait carring someone into doing revenge porn on you so you can eventually oh you could sue the fuck out of someone exactly

in some uh states revenge porn is a federal crime now god damn yeah we gotta fucking get on only fans yeah it's a felony piss some people off i want to i need to fucking ride on my enemies so if i if i create an only fans posted just a picture of my dick and then someone posted on like the barstool subreddit i'd have like a lawsuit on my hands yeah 100 oh that borderline seems like i have no idea but like think about like they whenever no one's gonna do that though like what would like i don't even think i would be that pissed if someone posted a picture of just my bare penis because you have a great dick dude like if it was me if it was something like that i would be like oh. Like if it was me fucking, if it was something like that, I would be like, oh no.

But if it was just like, like who cares? It's just all, like most penises look the same. Right? Brother, you're blessed. You are very blessed. I wouldn't, I wouldn't be like,

I mean, I would, no, I would be pissed, but I wouldn't like. Sue? Yes, you would, dude. You'd cry. I would probably cry. You'd squirt tears out of your face, dude.

I probably would, Sue. I don't know what I'm talking about. Yeah, what? I'm so delusionalusional yeah all i'm thinking about right now is this woodstock 99 documentary how much of it did you watch i just finished the first episode it's so sweet it's so good corn rules yeah that shit was insane and did you had you ever listened to corn before that yeah yeah i hadn't really oh really and it was just like they do my boys were big into corn back in middle school when they're all

bent over like a cow yeah it's so sick that's how they all play and they all rock together and they're linked in yeah I'm pumped for Rage Against the Machine

uh Limp Bizkit's gonna be sweet no spoilers bro I said it's gonna be sweet well you didn't you made it seem like Rage would not even go on I'm not gonna spoil it I would never be sweet. Well, you made it seem like Ridge would not even go on.

I'm not going to spoil it. I would never. Say it ain't so. But didn't it make you want to go to a festival? It made me wish I went to Woodstock 99. Yeah, specifically that. I don't think I would even be like, I think even. The subtext was, it's the last time that like white dudes could be white dudes without cameras being shoved in their face. It was the last time that guys could have fun.

Yeah, like white guys could just like. It was the last time that guys could have fun. Yeah, like white guys could just like. It was the last time that dudes could just be dudes. Could just grab titties. They were just grabbing tits. Oh, man. Trump style. I got to get to Woodstock 99. Not even for 300 bucks?

You know, there's rumors that Woodstock was in Woodstock because they wanted Bob Dylan to come perform, but he never would do it. And wasn't he just down the road? Yeah. Because he was counter-counterc wasn't he just down the road? Yeah. Because he was counter-counterculture. Woodstock was counter-counterculture. He was counter-counterculture. But also he had just gotten in a nearly fatal accident on a motorcycle where he then went on to write the basement tapes. Of course.

In Woodstock. In Woodstock. Of course, bro. That's a fucking classic tale. I don't really think Dylan would have done well at the 99 Woodstock. He would have sucked. Of course he would. No, that's when his voice is all like, how many times?

Like, it's like all fucking. But it was peace and love. Imagine playing for a crowd of peace and love. It wasn't real. Was it? 99 wasn't fucking peace and love. 90s or what was it? 69 was.

69? I think 69 was the summer of 69 that was the summer of love yeah that one he would have killed it that one but also i don't know if they wanted him on that one i thought he was pretty new in the scene then oh they wanted him on 99 well he was definitely new in the scene or no he wasn't new in the scene i don't know i don't know which one he doesn't know shit about music bro just sitting here and letting the boys riff yeah tommy is like the fucking most dangerous game show we would be we were in the fucking Most Dangerous Game Show. We would be playing music in the car, waiting.

And Tommy would make us play these, like, dumbass fucking. What? Unwritten is a dumbass song? No, no, no. You'd make us play these, like, it's like 7 a.m. And we're sitting in the car waiting to, like, go to one of the challenges. And Tommy's making us play these, like, Who Let the Dogs Out EDM remixes. When were we ever in a car together at It's 7am. We were always listening to

these dumbass EDM Oh, we were listening to some Big Booty mixes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We said get on the golf car and play some Big Booty. No disrespect to Big Booty, but not trying to hear that shit. Let's play a little bit of Big Booty mixes. No, we don't want to get copyrighted. We're not. We're going to talk over it.

We're going to do commentary over it. So it's going to be our artistic interpretation. I actually know the guys who do the two big booty mixes pretty well, so it won't be a big deal. Should I have not said that they were dumb? No, it doesn't matter. I'm a lover, not a hater. And it's fucking art anyway. Dude, that shit is subjective. They don't need your stamp of approval. They do just fine. But you saying

it's dumb is a reaction to the art. So that means their art worked. If you dislike something, that's as good as liking something because that just means it's stimulating. It wasn't that it was dumb. It was that it was a little too much for my. It was the wrong time. This at 8 a.m.?

I mean, come on. This at 8 a.m.? It's multiple songs at the same time. I can't listen at 8 a.m. Yes. It's kind of splitting into me, right? Yeah. You kind of really have to be in the, you have to be drunk.

It's because Tommy's like one of those... He likes... Tommy's like a bit... All right, turn it off. We're going to copy right now. Turn it off. Turn it off. Turn it off.

Yeah. That. I'm like, dude, I'm trying to listen to some fucking... Wasn't the best snippet I could have gotten. ...Glasto music or something. Some John Denver. You would play like hardcore 50 set. That was when we were drunk and it was nighttime.

That's when I would play these too. Yeah, but no one wants to listen to that shit. Everybody did but you. No one wanted to listen to that shit. Everybody did but you. No one wanted to. And that's why they voted for me. Tell me, you're a hack. I should have won that shit. It's your own fault.

Yeah, but you only won because me and Smitty voted for you. Well, it still would have been 2-2-1. You're a hack. I like that he called you a hack. What do you mean 2-2-1? I would have still had Smitty and Jordan. You would have had Brianna and Billy. I got two council votes.

Right, so did I. And then Viv's voted for Smitty. So probably, I don't know what would have happened. Do you know, Rowan? Host? Yeah, I would have won. Rowan would have gotten decided. Yeah, I would have decided.

I would have decided to vote for Sass. Damn. Yeah. Glad it didn't come to that. I know. You're a fucking liar. Was that actually, what is that actually? Can you imagine if it came down to the two of us having to make like a fire or some shit?

I would beat your ass in that. I would be. If we had to do the snakes, I would have not done. I assumed you were also bad at making fires. I don't know. I think I could do a fire, but I would. I could not do the snakes, dude. That shit was gross.

Snakes are not scary, bro. They weren't that scary. What was that? Just touching a snake. Tommy Snakes. Pretty clear that. Don't forget your roots, brother. Don't forget where you came from.

Seriously, you cocky bastard. Tommy, are you going to make any guest appearances in the surviving barstool? I'm helping behind the scenes, helping overlook in a producer role games moving smooth yeah i think you should have i think you should be i think you should have been in it i don't know if anyone thought about this i really think you should have been in it but like not been on the poster so like the first episode they like announce everyone and they bring you out and like surprise the audience i mean surprise the other contestants yeah i mean if they didn't vote me out dude i think this group wouldn't have, though. I did actually think,

in my head, I was like, I think I maybe could have beat this group. Yeah. I don't think they would have voted you out right away. No way. The only one that I think

would have would be Rudy. Yeah. Would have what? Voted you out. Wait, so you're saying no way, what? No, I don't think anyone would have voted you out.

I think I would have taken Tico and Content Kim and just dragged their asses to the finish line. You would have taken them for a ride. Aren't you and Tico dating? No, that's not true. Yes, it is. I heard that. No, I heard otherwise.

I heard that. What do you mean you heard otherwise? I heard that we weren't dating is the rumor. No, I heard. Well, why would you protest that? That makes me think that the opposite is true, that you are dating. No, I'm not sure where that came from. I think you know exactly where it's an ugly little rumor that's going.

Why is that? He's a great friend. And like, what's ugly about that? He goes like my sister. Occasionally are a lover with. She's like my sister. I want to fuck my sister. I think you would.

I don't have a sister. So I just say you would fuck your sister. I would not fuck my sister. think you would i don't have a sister so i just say you would fuck your sister i would not fuck my sister clip that bro that fuck dude this dude is there's a tiktok yes dude tommy would fuck his sister would you fuck your sister is it weird to no i don't even know. That I'm fucking my sister. Just this room, dude, just doesn't do it for me. I know. It's like we're in a fucking insane asylum.

It's not very stimulating. A rat in a cage. Damn it. It's like we're in an insane asylum. Why are the walls gray? It's like OR vibes. Yeah, this. The bright lights.

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Bird dogs. Yo, did you know that there's parts of your brain that like spit, bro, that if you touch it, it stops your language. It's just like a pressure point and you can like put your finger on it. Yeah. It's like you never know the language again uh like i saw a video of a woman that was in surgery and she spoke both english and swedish and there's like language points in your brain and they had to keep her alive during surgery and ask her questions in english and swedish to make sure that she didn't lose either of those because they're like trimming this tumor that's right around the line.

Where the fucking language points in the brain. And it happened before where there was a woman who spoke Spanish. They like clipped the wrong part. And she woke up and she lost to Spanish. Yeah that's what they're going to start doing to white men. It's like a step of cancel culture. They're going to clip the part that. That really silences us.

That we know that we're men to white straight males. Dude. I've heard stories like that. Where the people like they're like music is their big thing and they have to like play the violin like while they're like having heart surgery or like brain surgery i mean it's like they have to like play the piano the entire time so that they don't fuck it up how do they do the surgery even just like sit them in front of a fucking organ where they're playing like three i don't know a doctor make like song requests uh song can you play some taylor swift i i watched i remember i heard a story on npr a while ago where this guy got uh so you're a lip um yeah and uh i heard a story on npr where this guy got he had brain surgery dude was like completely normal

came out of the brain surgery became a raging pedophile got arrested with like multiple like terabytes of child porn on his computer but they ended up like not giving him a lot of prison times they found out or maybe he didn't get any prison time he definitely went to some psycho loony institution but uh they found out like the surgery like fucked his brain up and like it literally turned him into uh that's crazy that that's just a switch dude yeah that you could just like fucking get it shove a crayon up your nose it was already probably pretty close to being one yeah but he just got freed and yeah they just cut the pedophile wire poor guy it's like an old movie where they're like going in to trim the bombs and it's like the red green and blue wires and one of them makes you a pedophile it's pretty crazy yeah the movie

speed is just about fucking keanu reeves trying to fucking save a pedophile could happen to any of us yeah honestly they don't get something don't get brain surgery dude that's the moral of the story yeah well what if you get a tumor bro how do you how do you make sure you don't get a tumor rather be a tumor and smoke a little not have a pedophile be a pedophile or be a pedophile with no tumor it's the age-old question yeah that exact same thing that's crazy would you rather be a pedophile with a tumor yeah no that's definitely the worst pedophile with tumors the worst of all tumor pedophile yeah yeah yeah pedophile but a really happy and healthy life or tumor but you're a trick wait can we just can you just add that

question on here and we can return this to the Mean Girls podcast and see if they just actually ask that during their podcast. Pedophile or tumor. Just that. Pedophile or tumor. We got to do one of those like around the office videos. Like an intern comes around for a TikTok and is like, okay. Pedophile or tumor. Big team hard this is a good one it is a tough one what would you rather be pedophile yeah i don't know probably i mean am i a benign pedophile or is it a malignant pedophilia do you

get caught and slash how quickly do you die like can can you not be doing the pedophilia and just like like the idea of it no you have no control you do you cross those lines you have no control damn obviously this brain cancer pedophile had no no control once he fucking got unleashed now or he was just downloading terabytes or i can't pedophiles just have a little bit i don't understand that i don't understand the whole when people are like oh they found 20 gigabytes of porn downloaded on his computer so why are you downloading porn you fucking weirdo well i guess because you're a pedophile and you need to do it sneakily but uh but that's so much it'd be a lot less sneaky to not download it it could get taken away from you at any second probably yeah but i but why so much

away from you at any second probably yeah but i but why so much just have like a little hard copy and like a fucking treasure chest so much yeah they always have all of it it's always like oh they had yeah yeah they had a whole like yeah one of those full room computers yeah just the multiple hard drives why are they why are the pedophiles so greedy dude how do you bring that up on a date you You're with a girl. That's a good first date question. But you happen to just have a hankering for children. How do you bring that up? I don't think you do.

I think you kind of start with the pedophile or tumor question. That's a good icebreaker. Yeah, true. Like you two. What do you do for work? That's a good icebreaker for Yeah, true. Thank you, too. What do you do for work? That's a good icebreaker for pedophilia on a date. But you want to wait till the main courses come. You don't want to fucking jump the gun.

You want to be eating while you're talking about tumors. Maybe they've had a couple. Get a couple drinks. You have like a hinge prompt. It's like, debate me on this topic. I'd rather be a pedophile than have a tumor. Tommy, update your raya right now i applied to raya like four years ago got waitlisted you just can't get off the waitlist you're just permanent why

don't you reapply couldn't with your newfound fame i can't reapply with your new name why don't you have like someone someone puts you in touch don't you need like a recommendation for that shit maybe talk to dave talk to davy who do you know that's on it it gave me like when i originally applied it says everyone in your contact who's on raya and it's all just like girls numbers i had from like running the smoke shows account sending the merch and stuff and i was like i don't think i can ask any of them to vouch for me to join no one that works here's on it. I would imagine everyone that works here is on it. I don't know.

This was like four years. I would imagine everyone here works on it and is like very vocal about it. Tommy definitely knows the actual answer to this, but he's playing cool. No, I generally don't.

Drop a name. Drop a name. Tommy is the hub of office gossip, dude. But that's not getting the juices going. He's on Raya. Who gives a fuck? He's so an office gossiper.

It's a little bit of a tongue twister, isn't it? Office gossiper? You are an office gossiper. When someone trusts me with information, I keep it solid. No, you don't. That's not true. Tommy's always like... If someone is generally like,

don't tell anyone this, I not do your big i was making fucking empanadas in the bathroom dollars a year if someone's generally like oh do not tell me this i won't tell if if word gets around i'll pass that and it always gets around from yeah from you dude because you send it in two directions and then it comes back to you from both directions that's a common misconception why is it so common because there's haters out there bro you know you're an information merchant dude i i do run an information network like i have different sources like if i need something about this part like i know who to go to for different topics tommy like cornered me at the bar that one night and he was like, you got any fucking hot gossip?

And I told him something I thought was good. He was like, I heard that four months ago. You know, you know, Coley's about to be fucking retiring or some shit like that.

And he had the Coley shit two weeks before that shit. Yeah. Yeah. It's always, I knew Coley was quitting before he even knew. It's always this little crew.

They got a little crew and they own everything. They do. It's like, there's probably on, they're probably on like Slack or some dumb shit like that. They're probably like,

oh, did you hear about this? When Rowan told me that piece of gossip he got a whole group chat called the gossip chat he was like that was from 2018 i laughed in roan's face like that's your hot and i only brought it up because he was like do you have any gossip and i was he like put me on the spot if i had gossip i don't think i did yes you did i think you were because you were i think you were like i heard some shit no, you said you heard some shit. You like gossip too. Don't lie. You like gossip. I don't even have a group chat and it's called tea time.

Yeah. With a cup of tea emoji. Ronan has multiple times called me to ask about gossip. I call you just to have good conversations, dude. I agree and I love a good phone call with you, but there have been times. No, I called you. You like rushed off the phone with me when I called you. You were like at the Luxor with your family and like before you hung up, you're just like, oh, yeah, just some guy from work or something like that.

Like you completely shit. I like heard him shitting on me to his family. Don't act like I don't try and just parlay with you. And you just fucking dunked on me. That was it. You told your dad that I was some from work. That's what you said to your dad. And I thought that was fucked up.

I thought that was beyond the pale. I didn't like how you used that word. Tommy, you're a fucking menace. He is. You're a little menace, aren't you? Give us some tea. Come on. We'll censor that.

I don't have any good tea. You gotta have something. I genuinely don't. I've heard some good tea. You wanna hear some tea? I got one. A former co-worker of ours switched her bedroom with her podcasting room in her house. Coop Daddy?

No. Publicity. Oh, shit. What does that mean? Like she's like sleeping in the stew? Well, she kind of flip-flopped one room with the other one. Why? She just like aesthetically wanted to change it up.

Oh, I thought it was kind of like a whiplash type thing where he like sleeps next to the drum set no i think she's just uh she just just redecorated yeah that's good tea yeah what do you motherfuckers have i saw did you see her boob lift video she was giving some piping hot uh advice on how to make i think a boob lift or something to make a boob lift yeah what do you do to lift your lips i don't know i just saw the caption yeah i feel like it was for me i why titty explosion uncensored uncut influencer lifts boobies influencer make some clap you won't believe what happened i hope everyone here starts getting on only fans it's gonna be... I want to do a trailer for it. We'll do the trailer.

Just like a teaser. It's crazy how the hive mind has worked. From your favorite media company. You loved us. The company that brought you the pizza reviews. And high haters. The rundown. You can see your favorite female employee in a bikini.

No, but I wanted to see Dave Portnoy's cock eating a pizza. Now, only at OnlyFans.com. Now, only on Davy Dong. Every pizza review, Dave gives one of the guests the pepperoni. And he's got the sausage. Yeah. Oh, did you order extra sausage with that pizza greg the egg and bon jovi get fucked by dave i would love it dude well the creators of the mean Girl podcast. Out now. And Erica's just like the madam of it all.

She just is like the old couple that ran the brothel you guys are talking about. Everyone's just chained to their chair, making OnlyFans. That's her and Gaz. This is the kind of company where you got to sell your body if you want to succeed. I've always said that. Well, there's a fast track.

You could either buy it and sell your body or you could be selfish and keep it all covered up. If you're a real diehard barstool employee, you will sell yourself. And if you're a real stoolie, you'll buy every subscription. Oh, yeah. Oh, the Reddit boys have been going nuts. Oh, yeah. They're going crazy.

Call that a word. Yeah, they're going nuts. Phoenix office hasn't got anything done in days. No. They're fucking panicking right now. The way that so many people have hopped on one after another makes me think that whoever ups the ante and starts fucking on Cam, everybody else is going to be like, well, I got to fuck on Cam too. You let a titty slip there. You're making a deal.

But I'm saying, well, then won't somebody else in turn be like, well, I got to let a titty slip too. Slippery slope. Who's the first? It is a slippery slope because even Kate said today, like she has no idea how far she would go on it. Yeah, this shit is about to ruin some people. But I think too many people are joining right now. That's what I said. I'm going to wait a couple months.

Yeah, I said this on the app. Yeah. Because it's like these announcements are all getting pushed together. I can't keep track of who. I want Tom to have his own day on OnlyFans. Let's do an ad right here. Oh, no. It is that time of the episode one last time.

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Oh, something going on over there, fellas? You want to get it? You got some tea? Yeah, I'm having turkey taco bowls at home. Fine. That sounds awesome. I got to get it you get some tea yeah i'm having turkey taco bowls at home fine yeah that sounds awesome i gotta get myself a wife i gotta get right yeah i gotta start well it'll get you on the straight and narrow for sure bro it will get you way closer to jesus there's only one fucking path to jesus and that's a fucking steep ass stairway to heaven bro yeah he's climbing the stairway to heaven you know sings that song tommy acdc big booty mixes yeah he's like i think i heard that in the big booty mix yeah it's led zeppelin yeah i know

damn you're a smart boy nothing that's by me dude i mean what's like your favorite who's your favorite musician um probably drake really no i love drake uh so i take that as his respect if you're joking uh no i like drake a lot i just thought you guys would make fun of me for saying that i mean that's a friend of the podcast i don't know if you know would i make fun of you i don't know because i feel like you guys spell he's no bob dylan me bro yeah i don't even fuck with dylan this is a podcast of love no i mean drake like drake and kanye i tell her my two most listened to artists for sure okay i'm not a big kanye fan ow i just bit my tongue damn that's god intervening you're not people question his son yeezus yeah people love to be like oh drake like he just makes really popular music

it's like yeah that yeah that's a talent like, I don't really listen to a lot of Drake. I just listen to, if you're reading this, It's Too Late. Is that what it's called? Yeah, I listen to that. I like So Long, Thank Me Later, or Thank Me Now. I was running through this six. Yeah, that whole album's a masterpiece. No telling.

It's like, yeah, people act like, oh, he makes too good a music. No telling. And also, pop music is a genre. It's quite literally popular music. Pop music. Drake just makes songs that become number one hits. False.

That couldn't be more false. I know it's a friend of the genre. You don't like to dance. Oh, I love to dance. It would have went crazy at that hookah bar we were at in LA. That was the perfect vibe. Tommy, was I dancing at the hookah bar we were at in LA. That was the perfect vibe. Tommy, was I dancing at the hookah bar?

We were breaking it down. There was a whole dance floor and I was owning it. Yeah. I had dudes coming up to me being like, where'd you get those moves? No dudes. You wouldn't know how to dance to the Drake's music. They came up to me and they were like, where'd you learn to move like that? And I said, go to OnlyFans.com.

It's because you've never known the touch of a woman it's because that's why you don't know how to dance dude why are you saying i don't know how to dance i you're i think you're because this was a dance album projecting your insecurities onto me this was a dance album i break it down well this is a dance album anyone that was at the fucking rap party at the most dangerous games i was breaking it down no you've you kept jumping over the fire. You're like, look at this, boys. And you fucking jump over the fire. I remember that.

You were jumping over the fire. That's awesome if I did that, though. That's badass. No, no way. It was like a one-foot fire. No way you could have jumped that high. It was huge. Little mess. No, the album is a dance album.

All right. I don't listen to dance albums, though. That's my point. That's my point. A dance, if I'm at a concert dance if I'm at a concert if I'm at a festival Woodstock if I'm somewhere where I'm dancing

bro come to the Ocean's Calling festival that Pop Punk is playing at I'm going to it's going to be like Woodstock 99 yeah it probably will be I would love to see Cage the Elephant Pop Punk and Lumineers Cage the Elephant and Pop Punk, and Lumineers. Cage the Elephant and Lumineers are two of my favorite bands. So not the one I'm in.

And Pop Punk. Deliberately mean. I said I want to see Cage the Elephant, Pop Punk, and Lumineers. And then you said Lumineers and Cage the Elephant are two of my favorite bands. And Rowan can go fuck himself. You got me. You're tripping. You sound crazy right now.

I am fucking crazy. When I get disrespected, I get fucking loco, bro. No, Cage the Elephant rules. You keep complimenting the other bands that you listed. Pop punk rules too. Let's go there. Let's fucking drop a fucking entire sheet

of acid. I would love to. I really want to paint my tongue with acid. Yeah, let's crumple up a piece of construction paper that's been dipped in acid. If you boys want to just do a boys trip, get an Airbnb in the woods and do some acid. An Airbnb in the woods? That sounds like a fucking nightmare. I want to just go and I'll have maybe a couple of duels. I'm off.

I don't drink anymore. I don't know if you know. He doesn't drink. He doesn't do acid. I don't know. He was fucking with me too much. I don't know if you know. He doesn't drink. He doesn't do acid. I don't know. He was fucking with me too much. I can't tell if you're being serious. What's a drink trip in the woods? Like an ayahuasca trip or something?

I'm heavy on the psychedelics. I've been tripping for like a week straight. You've been nano dosing? Yeah, big time. I've been nano dosing beers. Yeah, just having a little shots, eating little sips. Like your boy Will Komp, dude. What about Will Komp?

Oh, yeah. Will Komp's my goat. Yeah, he is your goat. He's my hero. I know. If we ever had a real studio, it would just be a mural of Will Compton. Oh, it would.

We would have our dream studio is just the Boston with the Boys studio. But with a mural of Will Compton in there. And a little tiny Taylor LeJuan. Just a tiny one. Because it's funny because he's big. Is that a sneak diss on my boy T? No, bro.

I'm just saying Will Compton. You better not be coming at the boys. You just said he's the GOAT. The thing about the boys is we will bust at you. I know that. If you're not busting with us, we will bust at you. This is Bustin' with the Boys merch, dude. We will bust at you if you're not busting with us.

I support Bustin' with the Boys. You know that about me. Better be. Tommy, do you? This is Bustin' with the Boys merch, dude. We will bust at you if you're not bustin' with us. I support Bustin' with the Boys. You know that about me. Better be. Tommy, do you? I love Bustin' with the Boys. Barstool forever. That's my family. Yes. Actually, I'm going out to Atlanta this weekend. Well, I guess I would have already been there. Tell us how Atlanta was.

It was really good. Time warp alert. How far is Nashville? Maybe you should come out. Oh, you're going to be in fucking Europe. You idiot.

You thought he was going to be in Nashville? Well, Nashville is really close to Atlanta. But where did you He wants to go. Why don't you just go link up with fucking

busting with the boys out there? I know. That's what I want to do. Go just do it. You should come out. We should do a pod. I know that would be fun.

Go back on the bus. You ever been on the bus, Tommy? I have not. Smokes. I think those guys would like me a lot they probably would they would they would they're really i get along well with woolcom you get along well with everybody they're really really nice guys who don't you get along well there's no one i really don't get i know that's how you really won the show it was by being uh affable, that's really all there is to it. You and Dave hate each other. White Sox Dave?

No, Portnoy. Brother. Let's not even joke about that, seriously. No, you do hate him. Let's not even seriously joke about that. You're always sneak dissing on Dave. And he obviously hates you. What did he used to call you?

Tommy? My boy? Lover? Not lover. Lover. Not like lover, like lover boy. Lover boy. Jizz rag. My boy. Lover. Not lover. Lover. Not like lover, like lover boy. Lover boy. Jizzrag.

Cumrag. Cumrag. Cumrag? Yes. It was an inside joke. You never call your boy's name. Or used cumrag. How did you feel when he called you that, Tommy?

It was fucking funny. Was it? How did you feel honest? How did you feel? Did I leave with a tear in my eye? I guess so. Why? Why would you leave with a tear if it was so funny?

Because everybody's laughing. It was a laughter tear. Guys never heard of a laughter tear. I don't know. I feel like I would have felt that. Look at Jim, look at camera. You have to watch on YouTube for the Jim look at camera I just gave. Are you going to have another laughter tear just thinking about it?

That was the worst Jim look at camera camera guys ever heard of a laughter tear it does seem like there's tears building in your eyes right now i mean i keep making myself cry oh i can't no you can't we just tried to film that but i was pretty deeply emotional no he was doing like this fake cry thing where he's like oh wait why did you try to make my try and get to cry it'll just whatever you're recording will be out by next week um maybe but whatever it is it's a new smoke show episode about how uh despite all these victories by how much i just spank you and everyone else here like i'm unfulfilled i'm empty inside what's it all for and uh he just couldn't like there's there's really key points in the plot where he has to

be depressed and his way of showing depression is like, be like, Oh, I'm so depressed. I hit it on a very mild tone. That scene in the closet is going to win a fucking Academy. After, because I've told you, well, you're a great director, producer. Exactly.

And that's the compliment I was fishing for. Okay. And I'm a great student. I feel like people that can make themselves cry like that are like the, it's like, that's a fucking trip. Like, I don't even know how they can do that can make themselves cry like that are like it's like that's a fucking trip. Like I don't even know how they can do that. Yeah, like what are you all

thinking about? Like Sweeney? Oh, great knocker. She can just get herself to fucking scream cry in like any scene. It's like how? Yeah. Does she just have someone like beat the fuck out of her before? Like I don't even know how they would do that. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know how you'd beat the fuck out of Sweeney. Maybe she's really in touch with i feel like you're a perverted man

you really are not true you think you are sigma sigma male the way you act it kind of seems like you're too high t it's like alpha above alpha oh no no no i mean i do think there's there's truth too if you're such a beta you become an alpha like If you're so secure in who you are and don't care about puffing your chest and being the most confident guy in the room, you actually become that alpha. I disagree. You disagree? I've never felt more beta in my entire life than last night at that Brooklyn bar. But that wasn't all alphas, though. I know.

They were just like, ew. That's a different kind of beta. And I was not trying to impress anybody. Yeah. I know what you feel like. I was doing stand-up. I was not trying to impress anybody. Yeah, I know. I know. I was doing stand up. I was doing this show called Funny Moms. It's like like the Comptown guys do it.

Yeah. And it's like their fans are just like all like dudes that look like them. And it's like in Brooklyn. And it's extremely cool. That is surprising. I'm not super familiar with Comptown, but i feel like they do do a lot of like inappropriate joke like jokes that like i feel like that crowd would be like oh that's no they love them you know what i mean like i feel like that type of crowd wouldn't like that i don't know i don't know i have no idea when i think of brooklyn hipster i'm not thinking that they're rolling with the punches of like f-bombs and stuff yeah dude i don't even think people are using the

word hipster anymore dude I think that that kind of would tip them off if you were even like hipster or some shit like that. Everyone would be like, what are you talking about, dude? Yeah. They would be pissed at you.

The fuck is that? Some piece of fucking shit just opened the door. Forget your little paper? Yeah. That's, who was it? That actually freaking enraged me.

It was Erica. Jesus Christ. Erica, check the goddamn podcast studio schedule before you just walk on in. Before you waltz into this bitch. How long have we been going? A little less than an hour. 59.

We've been riffing our dicks off. These guys can't stop riffing. This is actually my podcast debut on here. We're on the podcast. That was Hollywood Tommy. You got to bring back Hollywood Tommy. When does that video come out, Rod? What one?

Neighborhood Eats? Two weeks from, well, nine days from when these people are listening. Is that accurate math? I don't know. I think that's accurate math. Three Wednesdays after last Wednesday. Okay, that makes it so confusing. No, you don't have the exact date. You don't know. I think that's accurate, Matt. Three Wednesdays after last Wednesday. Okay, that makes it so confusing. No, you don't have the exact date.

You don't know? No. And the last one came out on Thursday. I'm pretty sure if you're listening to this on Tuesday. It'll be Tuesday, August 16th. It'll be out nine days from now. They'll see it when it comes out. My grandma's birthday. Oh, no, no, no, no. Okay, so it's going to be out nine days from now they'll see it when it comes out but dude my grandma's birthday

oh no no no okay so it's gonna be out on Thomas so get that and drop that down my grandma's birthday is August 19th no she's already

her birthday her grandma's birthday is August 19th those perks huh slip Tommy a couple perks yeah he's definitely

kicking it in speaking curses like 15 hours to that land that's the funniest lyric that he was rapping about i always forget about that he's rapping half his hand he brought it back too it's dope i think rapping about light drug use is way more honest it is and it's also i don't think it's that sweet to take a bunch of xanax but taking a half of Xanax will have you fucking feeling real loose for a half of a day. No.

Have you boys taken Xanies before? I've never taken a Xanax now. I texted Rome one time asking for some. I know. I almost found you some. Because I knew I was getting on a flight and I didn't have my drugs. Yeah. And then I said fuck it, bro. I'm stronger than this. I don't need drugs. And then I drank

ten beers before i was about to say that mine's my only drug air traffic control found a bottle of gin in his carry-on what's this is this full liter of gin doing in your bag no i've actually been doing well with my flying so you've been doing well with everything dude you're fucking on we're very burnt out right now i will say i was guessing i will say i'm very burnt out your stand-up's great the podcast does well most importantly i like you jesus christ yeah tell me that's that good shit your blog about uh about uh winning this shit it was funny because um it wasn't really funny or meant to be funny and that made it kind of funny yeah i was just genuinely doling out

compliments like i at one point, I was like, this is too over. Like it felt like I was doing like an Oscar acceptance speech. But like if they never played music for them. Right. Like if he's like... I had no runoff.

Super entitled Hollywood people could thank everybody that they wanted to thank. I gave both of you guys some good compliments. I know. I didn't see it. I kind of just scrolled

to where my compliments were. I haven't looked at it yet. I think you hit a couple sections. Yeah. Sass was one. I think my exact quote was, I like Sass a lot as a person, but I would never say that to his face. Oh, I saw you say that then. Maybe you posted that on the Twitter or something?

Yeah, maybe. I'm not sure. I'm getting all my compliments confused. Yeah. You're hard to keep track when you're casting the boys up so consistently. Well, you're also trying to rebuild karma because you've also... You pissed a lot of people off. But I didn't. I really just pissed Billy off.

And Smitty. And Smitty. And Smitty. And a lot of the fans. Also, Brianna. Yeah, I'll pray for you. Well, we'll all pray for you. Thank you.

Pray for Tommy. Pray for Tommy. All right. Thank you guys for listening. Maybe we all go hang out after this? Yeah, we'll see. See you guys next listening. Maybe we all go hang out after this. Yeah, we'll see. See you guys next time. I want to watch this Robert Barstool elimination.

We'll see you guys next time.